Nov. 6, 2012 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:57:29
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| And we're doing it again. | ||
| We're doing it again. | ||
| That's my new opening song. | ||
| Good voice. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| It doesn't even seem like I'm trying. | ||
| It's just coming out. | ||
| It's just coming out like that. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| Because you speak the truth. | ||
| It's just the truth coming out. | ||
| The truth coming out in my angel voice. | ||
| I told you, that's what Fiona Havel said once. | ||
| I go, how do you sing like that? | ||
| You didn't even warm up. | ||
| She goes, what are you talking about? | ||
| I go, we just ate a big dinner and you just got up and sang. | ||
| And she goes, I don't know. | ||
| I just tell the truth and everything else takes care of itself. | ||
| Yeah, but that bitch is like the Michael Jordan of sultry songs. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know. | |
| She could sing the fucking shit out of some music. | ||
| Unreal. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by... | ||
| Who's today? | ||
| Oh, well, first of all, Onnit.com. | ||
| That's our main sponsor. | ||
| Onnit is the supplement slash lifestyle company. | ||
| I don't like calling anything a lifestyle company. | ||
| We're going to have to come up with a good name for what it is. | ||
| It sounds so not Joe Rogan. | ||
| It sounds so gay and fake and forced. | ||
| We sell a lifestyle. | ||
| We were talking to this guy who produces podcasts for a friend of ours. | ||
| And we were at the improv. | ||
| And Homeboy battered us with these industry terms. | ||
| Weren't you there in that conversation? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We were like, you guys done a really good job of projecting your brand. | ||
| I know exactly who you're talking about. | ||
| Yeah, really good job of projecting your brand. | ||
| I was like, what the? | ||
| I want to kill you. | ||
| I'm going to kill you if you don't get away from me. | ||
| I'll kill you if you're talking this way. | ||
| I'll fucking joke you. | ||
| The point is, I'm not thinking about a brand. | ||
| I'm thinking about doing something good. | ||
| You're a goddamn vampire, sir. | ||
| You don't even know. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| When you say promoting a brand, it takes away the purity of the intention, right? | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| It's the Onnit cult is what you call it. | ||
| Well, I don't even want to name it, but you know what it is, folks. | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| I'm not susceptible to culty stuff, but everything you sell, I'm like, I want those chimp. | ||
| I'm 45. I'm like, oh, sorry. | ||
| I can't say it, but I just want those, and then I want the jerky, and I want... | ||
| It's all stuff I use. | ||
| Well, you know, there's a lack of a celebration of fucking exciting manly shit in this country. | ||
|
unidentified
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Of course. | |
| There's a big suppression of it. | ||
| And we at Onnit are against that wholeheartedly. | ||
| And we think, you know, take supplements. | ||
| If we had stuff that makes your dick hard, we're going to look into that. | ||
| If we got some hard dick natural supplements, we'll get you those. | ||
| We'll find out if they're any good. | ||
| We'll run some tests and we'll get you those. | ||
| If they exist... | ||
| But the stuff that we have, everything that we have is shit that we use. | ||
| We use the best quality ingredients. | ||
| We put together the best possible combination of these things, whether it's for alpha brain or new mood. | ||
| New mood is a fascinating one because, you know, there's a lot of people in this country that are on stimulants. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of people that are on stimulants, but there's a lot of people that are on SSRIs, they're on antidepressants, they're on... | ||
| Things that essentially stimulate serotonin in your mind or add it to your brain. | ||
| You can add it artificially. | ||
| Or 5-HTP and L-Tryptofan are two different ways that it boosts your brain's production of serotonin. | ||
| And 5-HTP has been explained to me. | ||
| It converts into serotonin and L-tryptophan converts into 5-HTP. So when you put them together, it's like a time-release thing. | ||
| It's just science about nutrition and what is effective for what aspect of performance, whether it's mental performance like alpha brain or physical performance like Shroom Tech Sport. | ||
| All of it is described on Onnit. | ||
| We describe why we're selling it. | ||
| This is what it is. | ||
| This is how we got involved in it. | ||
| These are the people that tell you it's good. | ||
| And we're dealing with professional poker players. | ||
| A lot of pro athletes love all the different products because we're just trying to find the most effective shit out there. | ||
| What's the best shit? | ||
| Let's sell it. | ||
| We were talking about kale shakes. | ||
| I make kale shakes almost every morning. | ||
| And I have it all week, though. | ||
| Three days in a row. | ||
| And I do feel a difference. | ||
| I feel like a fat fuck today. | ||
| Your skin is positively glowy. | ||
| Drinking a lot of water. | ||
| So we decided to get Blendtec blenders. | ||
| We found out those are the best. | ||
| We're selling those. | ||
| We sell them $200 less than the manufactured suggested retail price. | ||
| Just because we're trying to sell you the best shit possible at the lowest price possible. | ||
| That is the number one goal with Onnit. | ||
| And everything we sell you is shit we use. | ||
| Just don't sell scarves. | ||
| Kettlebells. | ||
| No scarves. | ||
| Yeah, I'm against old dudes with scarves. | ||
| Like, I'm a big Randy Couture fan. | ||
| The honest scarves! | ||
| But he's been wearing a scarf lately, and I just want to talk to him. | ||
| Does he really? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Randy Couture, you wear a... | ||
| He's just such a bad motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
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I know, you wear a tutu. | |
| He can wear a dead bird around his neck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Like a ballet. | ||
| He could be in a leotard and I'd still be like, stay away from that. | ||
| Yeah, he could go out to clubs with a legitimate albatross around his neck. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And you wouldn't care. | ||
| Speaking of which, did you see Matt McConaughey in Magic Mike? | ||
| No, I missed that. | ||
| I never met anybody who wanted to have sex with themselves more than that guy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, God! | ||
| I mean, I guarantee he jerks off to his highlight reel. | ||
| He basically has just stock footage of him stretching and doing push-ups. | ||
| Are you talking about his character or Matt McConaughey, the human? | ||
| I'm talking about Matt McConaughey, the human. | ||
| How do you know that? | ||
| He's an actor. | ||
| Watch Magic Mike! | ||
| It's like, why did you take that role? | ||
| Why did you even take that role? | ||
| You took that role so you could wear outfits and go... | ||
| That's what he does. | ||
| I've never seen him. | ||
| Okay, well now I have to go see that. | ||
| I wish we weren't talking about the commercials. | ||
| Let's talk about that more. | ||
| Sorry, sorry, sorry. | ||
| Because I need to know about this. | ||
| Because I saw the ad for that. | ||
| I got a little panicky. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, no. | |
| The ads were so gay that I was like, what's going on here? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Tatum O'Neill or whatever that guy's name is. | ||
| Channing Tatum. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| By the way, he couldn't look better. | ||
| Oh, he's the handsomest guy ever. | ||
| I hung out with him in Vegas for a weekend. | ||
| Women literally start just ovulating in his presence, and he's a great guy. | ||
| They must panic. | ||
| He was an athlete. | ||
| What's going on with the sound, Brian? | ||
| That sounded like a poo. | ||
| When he's talking, it's getting really loud or crackling. | ||
| Is he screaming in a microphone? | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| But it's not. | ||
| It's normal. | ||
| I'm using my stage voice. | ||
| And now mine is down. | ||
| When I talk about Channing Tatum. | ||
| I have to turn it down, so if you scream in a voice, it's not going to pop the mics. | ||
| Yeah, but it doesn't sound good like this. | ||
| It's very gay that I hear myself. | ||
| The easiest thing if you... | ||
| Well, something's wrong. | ||
| I'm not hearing myself. | ||
| You're not hearing yourself right now? | ||
| Not like a like. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| If you scream, just talk to the side of it. | ||
| Get your microphone technique together. | ||
| I started talking about Channing Tatum and my voice was like this all of a sudden. | ||
| But it shouldn't crack that easy, Brian. | ||
| There's just like some little crackle when it gets high. | ||
| You hear that? | ||
| Yeah, because you're screaming into a microphone. | ||
| It doesn't usually do that. | ||
| When you're on stage, it happens. | ||
| You just can't hear it because it's a big stage. | ||
| But when you're in a recording studio, if you're screaming in a microphone, you're going to blow a microphone. | ||
| Don't think so, dude. | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| This is a new thing. | ||
| Here's what we could do. | ||
| We could turn it down like this. | ||
| You could turn your headphones up right now, and it'll be really quiet. | ||
| Oh, I could turn the headphones up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're just not going to pop the mic. | ||
| Where's the headphone gauge? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just try turning one of these knobs right here. | ||
| Check, check. | ||
| I like tacos. | ||
| I like tacos. | ||
| Going to be in Columbus, Ohio this week, or in Ohio. | ||
| If you want to go to a show, go to deskwad.tv. | ||
| Going to be with Tom Segura, Doug Benson. | ||
| We got Dayton, Ohio on the 8th, which is Thursday. | ||
| Cincinnati on Friday. | ||
| And then Saturday we have Columbus, Ohio. | ||
| And if you use the coupon code in Cincinnati, REDCROSS, you get two-for-one tickets, and also 10% of the portion of the ticket sales goes to Hurricane Relief for Indiana. | ||
| And... | ||
| Why do you keep making up states that you didn't get hit by hurricanes, you son of a bitch? | ||
| Does that sound better? | ||
| Yeah, much better. | ||
| Yeah, the microphone cord, that's what it was. | ||
| The headphone jack was really, really low. | ||
| On it, you know, we started carrying things like kettlebells and battle ropes, and we're going to continue to supply the craziest... | ||
| Fitness shit, we can get our hands on. | ||
| Probably club bells. | ||
| We'll move into those next. | ||
| Those are pretty badass. | ||
| You ever use those? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen those. | ||
| I just started doing those. | ||
| You do that shield cast thing over the shoulders. | ||
| Fantastic for the wrists and the forearms and great for functional strength. | ||
| So we'll probably get involved in club bells eventually too. | ||
| All the stuff we use though is stuff that would improve your strength and your conditioning if you're doing like jiu-jitsu or any kind of athletics. | ||
| It's all just about shit for functional strength. | ||
| If you use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any and all supplements, including hemp force. | ||
| We have hemp force protein powder that's made out of raw hemp, which, by the way, you can't grow in America. | ||
| You can buy it. | ||
| Colorado made marijuana legal this week. | ||
|
unidentified
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They did? | |
| They might, today. | ||
| It's very possible. | ||
| The polls show that it was going to pass. | ||
| Yeah, but then can't the federal government come in and nullify that? | ||
| Yeah, they can. | ||
| Yeah, those cunts. | ||
| But we sell hemp. | ||
| This hemp protein powder does not make you test positive for marijuana. | ||
| It's completely non-psychoactive. | ||
| It's just related to it, or the male, the plant, or whatever. | ||
| And we have to buy it from Canada. | ||
| We can't grow it over here. | ||
| It's fucking so ridiculous. | ||
| I guess because people would just grow weed. | ||
| Go, dude, I totally thought I was growing hemp. | ||
| I didn't even know. | ||
| Did you hear? | ||
| I heard somebody already told me last night that somebody from Israel found out a way to take out the highness out of marijuana, so you're just getting the... | ||
| CBDs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a jerk that Israeli Jew is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to make weed not as fun. | ||
| Instead of doing cancer research, I'm just gonna ruin everybody's fucking life. | ||
| Well, the idea, Brian, is that some people just want to be healed from cancer. | ||
| They don't want to get high. | ||
| So you're like, getting high is more important than your cancer, silly. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's not true. | ||
| For some people, they don't want to get the paranoia. | ||
| They just want to cure their diseases. | ||
| Combats nausea. | ||
| Lowers interocular pressure if you have glaucoma. | ||
| That's why glaucoma patients take it. | ||
| Oh, is that right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, that hemp shit, we got to get it from Canada. | ||
| It's not cheap, but if you buy a Blendtec blender, you get a free one. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Codename Rogan saves you 10% off any and all supplements. | ||
| This weekend, Balboa Theater, Joey Diaz and me. | ||
| That is this Saturday night. | ||
| I'm fucking very fired up about that. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| San Diego is the shit. | ||
| I will be in helium this weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
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Powerful. | |
| Friday and Saturday. | ||
| Portland or Philly? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| No, Philly. | ||
| You can get your tickets at heliumcomedy.com. | ||
| Oh, that fucking club crackles. | ||
| That's one of the best clubs ever. | ||
| So if you're in Philly, come see me. | ||
| Helium. | ||
| Philly is one of the greatest cities ever because it's the perfect combination of smart people who will fucking punch you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| There's always a palpable aggression in the air. | ||
| Yeah, it's very Boston-like, but different. | ||
| Every athlete I talk to is a football player like Michael Irvin. | ||
| I go, what were the worst fans? | ||
| Philly. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Philly. | ||
| He hurt his neck in Philly. | ||
| They booed him. | ||
| They're like, boo. | ||
| Usually they clapped. | ||
| They're like, ah, get off. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Fucking start the commercial, Brian. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Stop the commercial. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Start the podcast. | ||
| We're going to just do it. | ||
| There's nothing else to talk about. | ||
| Deathsquad.tv. | ||
| Go get yourself a kitty cat t-shirt. | ||
| You fucks. | ||
|
unidentified
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We always do this, dude. | |
| We have these conversations and they go from... | ||
| I have just a shitty... | ||
| I'm married to this method of doing commercials like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, sometimes it's okay, but other times I'm like, wait, this is 20 minutes of a commercial that we're doing. | ||
| But it's not always. | ||
| I mean, it's conversations, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It would be nice if I could figure out how to shorten it. | ||
| But the problem is then, you know, it weaves itself into conversations that would make, like, great podcasts sometimes. | ||
| We should just do commercials in the middle of the podcast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's great the way you do it. | ||
| Does anybody else... | ||
| Most guys, they stop and read it in the middle of their podcasts. | ||
| How's people doing it now? | ||
| I like the way you do it, which is organically get into it. | ||
| The problem is sometimes it goes into other conversations. | ||
| You don't want it to be a part of the commercial. | ||
| I don't know, I like that you believe in every product you endorse. | ||
| Well, we're lucky as shit. | ||
| It doesn't sound like an advertisement is what I mean. | ||
| Yeah, the only things that we're being advertised by right now is all like Ting, which is an awesome mobile company, no contracts. | ||
| We went with them because they use Sprint's backbone, so it's really good service. | ||
| But you can just cancel. | ||
| You can make joint accounts. | ||
| Like you and I could share an account. | ||
| We share minutes. | ||
| If you don't use your minutes, like say if you use like what a lower priced thing would be instead of what you paid for, well then you get discounted on your next bill. | ||
| It's like they're like super ethical and super fair. | ||
| So that's why we went with them. | ||
| Ting. | ||
| The podcast is weird enough as it is, so it's like big companies probably wouldn't want to get involved with it. | ||
| So it allows you to choose from people that are taking chances, like the Ting people or the Onnit people. | ||
| I also think what's really unique about it is the fact that you can pinpoint exactly who your niche audience is. | ||
| You're talking to very specific people that are interested in it. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, and it changes that audience a little bit too as they see the excitement of their shit. | ||
| I mean, one of the cool things about having cool friends is that you get to find out about cool things that they're into that maybe you didn't know. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| You know, when you talk to somebody, like, Say if you never knew about jiu-jitsu and you were hanging out with Eddie Bravo and you really had no idea and you're talking to this guy and all of a sudden he starts telling you about jiu-jitsu and you'll be like, there's a whole thing I didn't even know about that's awesome! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| It invigorates you and fires you up. | ||
| I think that's the biggest thing. | ||
| One of the problems with staying in one place your whole life is you limit your exposure. | ||
| To everything. | ||
| And nowadays, though, the good news is you can be in one place and expose yourself to everything if you know where to look. | ||
| That never used to be the case. | ||
| The world is so much different now than when we were getting out of high school. | ||
| It's like we were living in the dark ages. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Well, because you're constantly exposed. | ||
| A little bit like if you look at how wrestling was in the 80s. | ||
| And then when the wall came down, the Eastern Europeans, the Russians, everybody came over and shared all their secrets. | ||
| Wrestling, even at a high school level, was so completely different in a lot of ways than it was way back. | ||
| I think it does. | ||
| Well, I just think it's unavoidable. | ||
| It just seems to be that that's the way it just goes with everything. | ||
| There's greats from the past in all endeavors, but in stand-up comedy, in fighting, I don't think anybody from the past truly holds up. | ||
| I know. | ||
| If I look at, like, a Joe Louis, and I imagine what would happen if Joe Louis had to fight Vladimir Klitschko, I'd be like, Jesus. | ||
| A whole different thing. | ||
| That's not even a... | ||
| Klitschko's barely a human. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| I mean, he's a totally new species of human. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's right. | |
| 6'7", 250 fucking pounds of shredded muscle, who's got a doctorate, maybe two, you know? | ||
| Like, smart as shit. | ||
| Overachiever, man. | ||
| Just completely boxing your face in, you know? | ||
| And doesn't take any stupid chances, just keeps fucking punching you in the face, and you can't punch him. | ||
| Good luck, Joe. | ||
| Get out there and do it for America. | ||
| He's a Nazi, that Klitschko. | ||
| Go get him, Joe Lewis! | ||
| Joe Lewis would get fucked up, dude. | ||
| The only guy I think, there's a few guys, like Ali, of course, would have been great in any era. | ||
| But I always said that if you put Mike Tyson against Ali, Mike Tyson would have stormed him. | ||
| Well, yeah, but what he said is this. | ||
| Ali said, you know, boxing people say, yeah, Tyson would have stormed him maybe the first time because he's so powerful. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| When they fought the second time, Ali would have figured him out. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe not. | ||
|
unidentified
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And by the way, by the way, Ali, remember something. | |
| Ali took, it was 220 pounds. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which is a big man without lifting. | ||
| A big man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, and by the way, he also fought, I think, nine rounds against Frazier with a broken jaw. | ||
| The dude could take power. | ||
| That was Ken Norton. | ||
| It was Norton, I'm sorry. | ||
| But if you watch what Frazier did in those amazing fights, and the hooks, and just landing in his face, and he just kept fighting. | ||
| He took incredible shots. | ||
| He took such incredible punishment. | ||
| And I think his ability to kind of rope and move with shots was a huge part of it. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Smarter than anybody and got into your head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, look what he did to Sonny Liston. | ||
| He realized Sonny Liston was just the strongest man in the world. | ||
| He said, the one thing Sonny Liston's afraid of is a crazy person. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Sonny's afraid of a crazy person. | ||
| And when he did that weigh-in, Sonny actually said, keep him away from me. | ||
| I think he's going to bite me. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| He was afraid he was going to get bit. | ||
| I just think skill-wise, I think Ali was great, but if you look at the Ali from the Joe Frazier fight on, if you compare that guy to Tyson when he was against, say, Michael Spinks, when he was just the ultimate destroyer. | ||
| He was too blindingly fast and a really good boxer. | ||
| Unbelievably fast. | ||
| That was the thing that people missed in the whole Tyson thing. | ||
| They were like, it's power. | ||
| Of course he had great power, but it was the way he delivered it. | ||
| He delivered it like half as fast. | ||
| Like, really, like he was twice as fast as like the Tony Tubbses of the world, the Pinklin Thomas. | ||
| I remember he fought Razor Ruddock, and Razor Ruddock is the biggest, strongest looking man on the planet. | ||
|
unidentified
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Big dude, man. | |
| He was hitting him in the forehead with hooks and sending him, like, sitting down in the air, like, whoo! | ||
| Now, Rodda got back up, but finally the ref was like, I'm stopping this because somebody's going to lose their brain. | ||
| Yeah, there was like a few years where he was just unbelievably good. | ||
| But I think that's like the case with basketball. | ||
| I think that's the case with baseball. | ||
| I think it's the case with all sports. | ||
| It absolutely is. | ||
| That everything just gets better, and it's really fascinating. | ||
| What were training techniques? | ||
| It's not just training techniques. | ||
| It's steroids. | ||
| That's the big one. | ||
| Designer drugs. | ||
| When they can gene dope, you know you're going to have 400-pound preternaturally fast athletes. | ||
| So then it becomes... | ||
| Yeah, it's 100%. | ||
| It's on the way. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| They're going to keep getting bigger. | ||
| Have you ever met a real giant pro football player? | ||
| Yes, I have. | ||
| I saw a real... | ||
| He was really rowdy. | ||
| And he was at this club in Phoenix. | ||
| And it was like a guy who was around a bunch of kids who were just like, All right, settle down. | ||
| Settle down. | ||
| Let me through. | ||
| That's exactly right. | ||
| It was almost like... | ||
| Silverback, I'm a baboon. | ||
| He was gigantic! | ||
| The dude was at least 400 pounds and he wasn't fat. | ||
| No, an athletic. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, I can't believe that's a fucking man. | ||
| Rich Incognito, I met at the Playboy Mansion, 6'4", 305 pounds, just a blonde silverback. | ||
| Blonde as it gets. | ||
| And literally, it doesn't even look like he lifts. | ||
| Everything is proportioned. | ||
| His head, his shoulders, his hips. | ||
| You know who was one of the scariest guys that didn't get his duke? | ||
| He came along at the wrong time. | ||
| Do you remember Tom Erickson? | ||
| Tom Big Cat Erickson? | ||
| Oh, a fighter? | ||
| Fucking wrestler who was 300 pounds, natural, gigantic. | ||
| What did they call him the polar bear? | ||
| No, that was Paul Varlins. | ||
|
unidentified
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What did they call Tom? | |
| I don't remember what they called him, but he was a beast, dude. | ||
| This guy, Rich Uncognito, I said, what do you squat? | ||
| He goes, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, in the eights, I think. | ||
| Oh, Big Cat. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big Cat. | |
| That's his nickname. | ||
| Big Cat. | ||
| Because he was a big dude. | ||
| He moved like a cat. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| He was Tom Erickson. | ||
| He was just... | ||
| Speaking of big dudes that move like a cat, what about the Russian guy, the Wolfman? | ||
| Carellin? | ||
| No, no, no, forget him. | ||
| That guy's legendary. | ||
| The last time he lost, he was 16 years old. | ||
| And then Rulon Gardner beat him based on one of the mistakes he made. | ||
| I saw the match. | ||
| Well, that was like a new rule. | ||
| When you get a guy to separate their hands, it's one point. | ||
| Dude, when he won the Olympic gold against a Persian-American wrestler who had wrestled him 19 times and never beat him... | ||
| And as he was winning the gold, he had him and he was whispering in his ear. | ||
| He was whispering, essentially English saying, you can never beat me. | ||
| It's not possible for you to beat me. | ||
| Is that what you're saying to him? | ||
| I am your master? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| If you see when they are awesome, when he had the silver medal and he didn't beat Karelin, he had a silver medal in the Olympics and he's up there. | ||
| Somebody give me his name, and he's crying. | ||
| He's crying because he just realizes that no matter what he did, no matter how hard he trains, there is that man named Corellon that he will never beat. | ||
| Corellon was born. | ||
| He was 15 pounds. | ||
| 6'4", 305 pounds. | ||
| That's how much he weighed? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He trains in the snow in Siberia. | ||
| He lives in Siberia. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Well, he was 15 pounds when he was born. | ||
| And he has small parents. | ||
| His parents are small. | ||
| Yeah, I think his grandfather or someone was a bear, you know, some giant guy. | ||
| Karelin was also mean and a very, very serious competitor. | ||
| Like a mean competitor. | ||
| Would not lose. | ||
| And would play games with you and talk to you. | ||
| And by the way, you know why he got really famous when we started hearing about him? | ||
| Is he would suplex people and break their necks. | ||
| He'd suplex you and drop you on your neck. | ||
| And that's where people were just so afraid of him. | ||
| He was too strong. | ||
| He would get guys, they would literally completely flatten themselves out on the mat to try to resist being taken down. | ||
| They didn't even try to scramble because if you scrambled and he caught you in the scramble He'd have you elevated and you just fucking pile drive you on your head. | ||
| It's crazy He would pick them up as they were flattening up and he was these are 300 plus pound men and from Like a lying down 300 pound man to be able to pick him up with a gable grip and hoist him up in the air Most people have no idea how strong you'd have to be so weird You would have a hard time doing that with a small child. | ||
| Most people would have a hard time. | ||
| He was also very flexible. | ||
| He was just a huge mongoose man. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| He wasn't like a big stupid power lifter looking dude who couldn't move. | ||
| No. | ||
| He was like a big giant. | ||
| He was all back and traps in relation to his chest. | ||
| He wasn't a bodybuilder. | ||
| His knees and his hips and his legs. | ||
| There's that one famous photo of him hoisting a guy up in the air, and he's just got this look of rage in his eyes, and he's so terrified. | ||
| It just like embodied those Cold War Olympics, you know, where everybody was afraid of the Russians. | ||
| Just a robot, man. | ||
| He was like the real Drago, but better, you know? | ||
| That's exactly right. | ||
| There's a photo. | ||
| I've got to pull up this photo. | ||
| I think our boy... | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| The great Russian MMA fighter, Fedor. | ||
| He has a little of that in him. | ||
| Yeah, but he's a little bit more calm. | ||
| He's not as big. | ||
| It's a different thing. | ||
| Brian, pull this up. | ||
| Pull up Alexander... | ||
| Karelin. | ||
| Pull up Karelin, and there's a photo of him with a t-shirt on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's black and white. | |
| Like that, right? | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| This is the photo. | ||
| K-A-R... Look at that photo. | ||
| See that photo? | ||
| That's the one we're looking for. | ||
| Let me see that. | ||
| Oh, I haven't actually seen that. | ||
| K-A-R-E-L-I-N. Jesus! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| That's so fucking scary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god! | |
| There's a photo of him about to throw this guy to the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is a different species. | |
| If you look at him and me, it's a different species. | ||
| He's the Hulk. | ||
| I'm 170. That's the real Hulk. | ||
| He's like the real Hulk. | ||
| He doesn't even have a mouthpiece in. | ||
| He's not even wearing a mouthpiece, this fucking animal. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| Why? | ||
| He's wrestling children. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| What are they gonna do? | ||
| Fatten his lip? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| He's a fucking monster. | ||
| He's wrestling children. | ||
| He's wrestling children. | ||
| It is weird to be that much better at something than everybody else. | ||
| Not just that much bigger. | ||
| I mean, that much better, but that much bigger. | ||
| Like, that guy was ridiculously big. | ||
| Arguably, in some ways, the toughest, strongest man in the world. | ||
| Did you get a photo of it, Brian? | ||
| There's gotta be somebody out there. | ||
| Fucking windows. | ||
| Oh, it crashed? | ||
| Why are we still using that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a picture. | ||
| He was a terrifying dude. | ||
| He was so goddamn strong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You wonder what a guy like that would have done in MMA. I should have binged it. | ||
| Look at all these Corellin dogs. | ||
| Fighting is different, too, though, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, well, whenever you're punching somebody in the face, it neutralizes a lot of stuff. | ||
| This is not the guy you're looking for. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It's spelled K-A-R-E-L-I-N. His name is Alexander. | ||
| Alexander Corellin. | ||
| This is awful. | ||
| What, bing it? | ||
| He had a dog change. | ||
| No, I don't want to bing it. | ||
| I was just kidding. | ||
| I would never do that. | ||
| Yeah, that's the dude. | ||
| That would go to images. | ||
| And the one down with him in the tank top gritting his teeth. | ||
| See that? | ||
| Click on that shit. | ||
| What the fuck, dude? | ||
| Look at the arms on him. | ||
| Dude, are you kidding me? | ||
| That is so scary. | ||
| Hold on, let me just look at that. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| That is so scary. | ||
| Look at his forearms and his... | ||
| Look at the ferocity in his eyes, man. | ||
| Look at his Joker face. | ||
| That's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| That was a real deal. | ||
| That is a naked gorilla. | ||
| That was the real deal. | ||
| There's a full photo of that too where you get to see his full body. | ||
| It's even spookier, Brian. | ||
| Go back to the... | ||
| There's a full photo where you see his fucking legs. | ||
| Scroll up. | ||
| Scroll upward. | ||
| I would always wear... | ||
| No, that's not it. | ||
| I would always wear a singlet in that position. | ||
| Yeah, there's an even better one where it's the whole entire body up there. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Click on this. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| This is completely ridiculous. | ||
| When you see the actual full image and you get his fucking legs, look at that. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh my lord. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at his legs. | |
| Those are insane. | ||
| My lord, I'm producing estrogen right now. | ||
| Those are insane. | ||
| That's insane how big his legs were. | ||
| Look at his calves. | ||
| That guy's butt. | ||
| Dude, that poor guy is going to get thrown through the air like a rag doll. | ||
| He's mid-poo, that poor guy. | ||
| So, okay. | ||
| So here's the question. | ||
| Is he 100% roids? | ||
| Like, there's something going on there, right? | ||
| Is it genetic? | ||
| I would suggest that it's genetic. | ||
| If you're born at 15 pounds, and if you look at how proportioned his body is and the amount of training he does, there are people out there that are genetic freaks that don't need steroids. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what I bet it is? | ||
| I bet it's both. | ||
| Because this was Russia. | ||
| Russia was not fucking around back then. | ||
| You know, we had Victor Conte on the podcast, and one of the things that he was talking about is that the elephant in the room, when it comes to women's track and field, is that there was a period of time before they were testing where they still can't achieve the results that these, like, Eastern Bloc women got. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, like, there's world records, and no one comes close when they win the Olympics every year. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Well, they just can't achieve what these men-women did. | ||
| So is it a matter of record or it's just their times back in Eastern Europe? | ||
| The times that they had from 10, 20 years ago, from whenever it was where they weren't testing with these women, the times were stronger than they are today in the Olympics. | ||
| That they are behind the gold medal or behind the world records. | ||
| I had no idea about that. | ||
| Well, he said it's 100% because they were taking steroids. | ||
| He was a fascinating guy to have on because he fucking saw the whole thing happen from the ground up. | ||
| He saw people experimenting with all these different supplements and he's seen track and field athletes all of a sudden get unbelievably good within a year and everybody gets suspicious. | ||
| Yeah, she's a perfect example. | ||
| But he's of the opinion that they all do it, especially track and field. | ||
| He said all those guys are on something. | ||
| Well, you know, it raises a question, too, because they took two of the top fastest guys in the world. | ||
| I think it was Justin Gatlin and Maurice Green. | ||
| I think those were two. | ||
| And what they found was that he was talking about steroid use. | ||
| And he said, look, Maurice Green naturally has 800 grams or 600 grams of protein. | ||
| Well, not grams. | ||
| 600... | ||
| Whatever that measurement per gram of blood, 800 units. | ||
| In testosterone, is that what we're saying? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Whereas someone like Justin Gatlin has 400. So naturally occurring, some people have just more testosterone, and usually guys who are faster and stuff stronger. | ||
| Well then, what does that say about... | ||
| So if that's the case, is it a fair competition, or can this other guy take hormone replacement therapy and bring his up to 800? | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's where you get into these weird questions, the argument for... | ||
| Steroids. | ||
| You can eat foods that increase your testosterone. | ||
| So they do it very marginally, maybe. | ||
| So where do we draw the line? | ||
| If the technology exists, it's a murky issue, right? | ||
| It does get murky if you want to consider a level playing field. | ||
| There is no level playing field because we have ectomorphs, endomorphs, and mesomorphs. | ||
| Being the body types of ectomorphs are ones that are really skinny and can't gain any weight. | ||
| Endomorphs are the really fat ones that have a hard time losing weight. | ||
| And mesomorphs are those Wesley Snipes looking dudes. | ||
| Just ripped. | ||
| The muscular... | ||
| You look at Mike Tyson. | ||
| Classic mesomorph. | ||
| Classically muscular. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's certain people that just... | ||
| Frank Bruno. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Frank Bruno is ridiculous. | ||
| Shake Congo. | ||
| Yeah, ridiculous. | ||
| Two of the extreme mesomorphs. | ||
| Yeah, you know, you can't... | ||
| Some people can never achieve that physical frame. | ||
| They just... | ||
| They can't, naturally. | ||
| So, what is the... | ||
| What if a pill came along and all of a sudden you turn some dude who's got, you know, Ralphie May's genetics and all of a sudden... | ||
| The problem then becomes that competition is all about the best chemist. | ||
| I can understand the argument against steroids because... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, totally. | |
| And not only that, we all know that human beings, if they want to win something, they'll do everything, including sacrifice their own health to get to a point. | ||
| But then there's a guy like Corellin. | ||
| It doesn't matter what the fuck you do. | ||
| It's like there's certain dudes where there's so much of a physical gift. | ||
| It's almost impossible for you to overcome it. | ||
| There's a level. | ||
| The idea is that if a person is super athletic, they can't be smart as well. | ||
| That's not true, unfortunately. | ||
| Unfortunately, that guy can fuck you up and probably beat you at chess. | ||
| Just because someone is big and athletic, that's a terrifying thing for someone. | ||
| Someone who can out-intellectually duel them and still kick their ass. | ||
| Nate Marquardt told me that GSP is a great chess player, like a phenomenal chess player. | ||
| GSP is an unusual human being. | ||
| He's a very, very bright guy. | ||
| He's very open and honest. | ||
| He's one of the rare fighters that talks about being scared and what went through his head. | ||
| He's about what makes him insecure. | ||
| And apparently he's got this crazy thing about aliens. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's terrified about aliens finding him in the middle of the night and abducting him. | ||
| There are other things to worry about, George. | ||
| He has like a path to get out of his house. | ||
| In case of the alien, come to my house. | ||
| I bet you he's choking. | ||
| He's got to be kidding. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He really is obsessed with aliens. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's so much so that they filmed a lot of shit and they wouldn't even use it in the countdown show. | ||
| I don't know who didn't like it. | ||
| Dana or someone, you know. | ||
| Someone made a decision. | ||
| But George is open about it? | ||
| Fuck yeah, he's open about it. | ||
| He didn't tell you about everything. | ||
| I think it's ridiculous to not leave it in because I think it's another little layer in the guy's cake. | ||
| Look, he is a bona fide bad motherfucker. | ||
| And anybody who thinks he isn't a bad motherfucker because he is scared of aliens. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, that's so silly. | ||
| He's George fucking Saupier. | ||
| Let him tell a story. | ||
| It's probably interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Outstanding. | |
| The alien come for me in the middle of the night. | ||
| You know, I've had my ACL repaired. | ||
| Hey, I hear through the grapevine that Mr. Nick Diaz, who I love, my favorite fighter in a lot of ways, wants to fight Mr. Anderson Silva. | ||
| Yeah, he'll fight anybody. | ||
| He'll fight anybody. | ||
| He'll fight anybody. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He's a real fighter. | ||
| He'd be an interesting match. | ||
| I think that Anderson would kick him in the face and all that, but he's not afraid of his boxing. | ||
| I mean, he boxes a lot, and it seems like he would be a guy who could... | ||
| Certainly, Stan and trade, as opposed to Damian Maia or Forrest Griffin doing it with Anderson, I think that if anybody could actually, who's a pure boxer, who trains with real boxers and is a pretty good boxer, he might be able to answer some of those. | ||
| Nick Diaz, first of all, takes an unbelievable shot. | ||
| He could take a hell of a shot. | ||
| He's super determined. | ||
| No one's got wind like him. | ||
| His endurance is preposterous. | ||
| His endurance is completely preposterous. | ||
| You should say that. | ||
| His endurance is preposterous. | ||
| It is. | ||
| He swims back from Alcatraz for like a goof. | ||
| He gets in the ocean and swims from Alcatraz. | ||
| His endurance is freakish. | ||
| And that's one of his strengths. | ||
| And everybody's got to be scared of that shit. | ||
| But Anderson's never showed endurance problems. | ||
| I mean, he tapped Chael Sonnen in the fifth round of a fight. | ||
| He was getting his ass kicked in. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| So he's never had endurance problems. | ||
| But I think that Nick Diaz, he's a difficult dude to crack. | ||
| You look at really good strikers like Paul Daly. | ||
| Paul Daly is a dangerous fucking striker. | ||
| And he decided to stand and trade with him. | ||
| He's a much better wrestler. | ||
| He goes, I'm going to stand and trade him. | ||
| By the way, you hit me with a left. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| He goes down and gets a bang with a left. | ||
| Well, not only that. | ||
| He's such a true fighter. | ||
| You get him on the ground and Nick is so good at wrapping you up. | ||
| And you have to look after that armbar, man. | ||
| That shit comes quick. | ||
| He caught Cyborg in that arm bar. | ||
| Cyborg never saw that coming. | ||
| Cyborg was blasting him with leg kicks, too. | ||
| But it didn't matter. | ||
| It was almost like he was just holding off the charge. | ||
| He was just holding off the charge. | ||
| I'm going to get you. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| And finally, Cyborg, the pressure of Nick constantly coming at him. | ||
| And talking to him, by the way. | ||
| Cyborg took him down, and Nick had him arm barred in no time. | ||
| He's an interesting dude. | ||
| Physically, he's smaller than Anderson. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| He's fought at 55. But he's got to walk around. | ||
| What is he, about 6'1"? | ||
| Yeah, Nick is at least six feet tall, 6'1", too. | ||
| And he walks around at what, 190, do you think? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's pretty healthy, so he's not the type of dude that would... | ||
| Gain a lot of weight. | ||
| Yeah, he definitely never gets fat. | ||
| He's very strict with his diet. | ||
| I think he's mostly vegan. | ||
| He's drinking kombucha all the time. | ||
| Don't tell me that, because now I'm going to start doing the Nick Diaz diet. | ||
| Well, listen, man, if you talk to guys like Rich Roll or any of these ultra-endurance guys, there's no better way to keep your body energized than constantly eating fresh vegetables. | ||
| Yeah, high carbohydrate, complex carbohydrate. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think for ultimate performance, though, especially for explosive performance, I don't think you get the same results. | ||
| According to scientists, the people that have actually done studies shows that there really are some benefits to eating animal protein. | ||
| To a complete protein like meat. | ||
| It's a complete protein. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing about being a vegan is you can get your protein, but I think the proteins at the end of the day or whenever they start to cohesion, they sort of can't, they pick up where the other ones left off. | ||
| So beans are one, nuts have protein, and when you add enough of that, you'll get a complete protein. | ||
| But meat is a very calorie dense, energy dense, complete protein. | ||
| Yeah, it's just better. | ||
| And most, by the way, most cultures, and you know this from the guy you had on, I'm sure he talked about it with the paleo diet, most hunter-gatherer cultures, the way we came up, we were strictly carnivores. | ||
| I mean, if you look at where we went hunting, try planting anything there. | ||
| You would have had to live off animal Protein for the most part. | ||
| There's a lot of parts. | ||
| Yeah, we were in Montana. | ||
| We went hunting for this Steve Rinella show. | ||
| It's called The Meat Eater. | ||
| And Meat Eater is his second show. | ||
| He had this other show that was on, I think it was on the Travel Channel. | ||
| It's called The Wild Within. | ||
| It was a really cool show where you'd go like, he went where Lewis and Clark went and he shot a moose and made a boat out of the moose and fucking shot a moose with a musket. | ||
| They made a boat out of the moose? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like the way they would have done it. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It was really interesting. | ||
| I'm going to make a boat out of a moose. | ||
| So Brian and I went hunting with them. | ||
| We went to... | ||
| I talked about it with Ari Shafir already. | ||
| But we went to Montana to what used to be the Great Inland Western Sea. | ||
| The Great Western Inland Sea, which is fascinating. | ||
| We went to a part where even Lewis and Clark said, as they went through it, they were like, we think we saw some signs of Native Americans. | ||
| I mean, not even the Native Americans lived there. | ||
| It was a hunting ground, but you couldn't live there because you could grow nothing. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| It's also weird how much ground we covered. | ||
| We'd wake up really early in the morning, and then he'd be like, go over that ridge. | ||
| I was like, that ridge is a mountain range. | ||
| This shit is far. | ||
| Right, but you could actually climb it because it was made of clay, and it stuck to your feet. | ||
| Well, it was really difficult when you were on the edges because it was just so slippery, and your feet would weigh so much because the bottoms would be caked with this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| I remember when I glassed the field, I'd take my binoculars and look out for game. | ||
| Glassing the field is hunting terminology. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| And I'd be so out of breath, man, because we were high elevation. | ||
| It was a lot of hiking. | ||
| You've got to be in fucking shape. | ||
| I watch a show and I've seen what they do is stalking after the game. | ||
| But I never really considered how much actual walk he's involved. | ||
| He doesn't get tired, huh? | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| I was fucking super impressed. | ||
| Because me and the camera guys were fucking out of breath. | ||
| And Steve Rinell is up there trucking. | ||
| You're walking forever. | ||
| Yeah, and you're walking up some serious hills. | ||
| It's really interesting, though. | ||
| We were talking about this. | ||
| Anything you do, even hiking. | ||
| He's doing this every week, every year. | ||
| He does it all year round. | ||
| That's how he hunts. | ||
| So he's like constantly hiking up hills and shit. | ||
| Well, your central nervous system learns how to use your muscles more efficiently. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, that's what we're talking about. | ||
| Like anything you do, whether it's martial arts or wrestling. | ||
| It's why they tell you if you want to bodybuild, you've got to change it up because you confuse your central nervous system so your body doesn't learn to use the same muscles over and over again, right? | ||
| So now your body's like confused and it goes, well, we've got to use these muscles now. | ||
| And you keep tearing muscles down. | ||
| And I just, that's what I want to... | ||
| Yeah, don't like the CrossFit people believe in that as well. | ||
| That's like their idea is you do something different all the time. | ||
| Yeah, and fitness so your body gets a comprehensive strength, you know, sort of an all-around strength. | ||
| They're kind of controversial too, though. | ||
| The controversy behind the CrossFit people is that some people, like Steve, that you should ever be doing powerlifting exercises with great repetitions like that. | ||
| That's not what they're designed for. | ||
| They're designed for big explosive movements, moving heavy things with correct form and building up You know, your core and your explosive power. | ||
| Most of the people I know who did CrossFit... | ||
| They get hurt. | ||
| They get hurt. | ||
| There's a lot of injuries. | ||
| In fact, a lot of pro athletes that I've talked to don't do it as much because, first of all, it's a little bit... | ||
| It's so much on your body that a lot of times they weren't having energy for their practices or their games, and it keeps you torn down. | ||
| Now, there are some ridiculously fit athletes, and I think it's a great program, and I try to do it as much as possible, but I do think that the athletes I've talked to, the fighters and even the football players, are like, well... | ||
| You gotta move at your own pace with that stuff. | ||
| Yeah, you do. | ||
| You can't try to keep up with those dudes because those extreme CrossFit dudes, they get like deep, deep, deep into the game to the point where they can do just ridiculous sets with 225, they're clean and jerking for 20 reps, and then they're doing 20 chin-ups. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, they can do some stupid, silly shit. | ||
| But that is their sport. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It's not like, you know... | ||
| It's a fucking test of will, man. | ||
| That is a test of will. | ||
| CrossFit's humbling every time you do it. | ||
| Like, if you do Fran, you know what Fran is? | ||
| Fran never gets easy. | ||
| Like, if I think about it, my heart starts beating fast. | ||
| Where you got 95 pounds, you go into a squat thrust, a thruster, so you go down into the squat position, throw it up over your head, you do that 21 times, go into 21 pull-ups, 15 thrusters, 15 pull-ups, 9 thrusters, 9 pull-ups. | ||
| And the idea is if you do a sub, if you do that under 3 minutes, you're in ridiculous shape. | ||
| But even doing it, try doing it in under 7 or 8 and you'll be on the ground. | ||
| It's just never, it never gets easy. | ||
| They have so many of those things that never get easy. | ||
| There's so much you can do out there for exercise. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| We see most people at the gym, they're like, you're barely working out. | ||
| You might be doing curls or doing some sets. | ||
| What do you do though? | ||
| How long is your workout if you're lifting? | ||
| It depends. | ||
| It depends on what I'm doing. | ||
| It depends on... | ||
| When I hurt my back, I started doing more isolation stuff, like rows and stuff like that, just to really strengthen up my back. | ||
| So that day is like an easy day. | ||
| The full back day that I do, I do one full back day. | ||
| That's only like 30 minutes. | ||
| It's a quick workout. | ||
| But the whole idea is just to blow it out and make it really hard. | ||
| I just want to have... | ||
| To be able to build up muscle and to have explosive power. | ||
| So your body's got to be conditioned all the time to be doing explosive shit and building up tissue and exploding. | ||
| And if you don't do that all the time, it doesn't want to do it. | ||
| If you don't do that all the time, you'll have no situation in life in which to explode. | ||
| And we all know that we use that every day. | ||
| That's what's funny about that shit. | ||
| Like, I do all this stuff. | ||
| I'm like, when am I ever going to... | ||
| I'm doing kettlebells until I can't walk. | ||
| Like, when am I going to... | ||
| I'm not ringing huge bells, but it doesn't matter. | ||
| I like being in shape in case the shit hits the fan. | ||
| Well, I wasn't in shape, but when we went on that hunting trip, for sure, I would have been fucked. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Because, like, that was a serious... | ||
| We would hike at least three miles in the morning. | ||
| It was so funny, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was raining the first night, and we were freezing, and the sleeping bags they gave us didn't really work. | ||
| And as I'm getting... | ||
| I'm shivering and putting, like, seven layers on. | ||
| I had two down jackets, literally. | ||
| I'm shivering, and I just hear Joe and his tent go, Camping blows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hi. | |
| I fucking laughed so hard at some of the shit you did, I don't know why. | ||
| He just goes, camping blows. | ||
| We had a great fucking time. | ||
| Dude, how about me pulling fucking quills out of your ass and legs? | ||
| I think we had it on tape, right? | ||
| Dude, I still have these red marks all over my ass and legs. | ||
| I laid down on a cactus, and Brian had to pull them out in front of the campfire with tweezers. | ||
| All the guys were like, what are you doing? | ||
| I'm like, don't worry, he's my fucking best friend. | ||
| I gotta pull out the fucking... | ||
| I'll take out your fucking thorns. | ||
| When I went to drop down to kill the deer, I sat down right in a cactus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, you don't understand. | |
| My whole left side was covered in cactus. | ||
| When you see your first deer, you want to kill that thing so badly. | ||
| I literally, I had a buck in my crosshairs that third day when you got yours. | ||
| I couldn't, I had, talk about buck fever. | ||
| The scope was like jumping all over the place. | ||
| I was like, this is my breathing. | ||
| Well, I couldn't, the first time, I couldn't get him into focus the first time I went to shoot it because my eye was too close to the scope. | ||
| And then I realized what I was doing wrong. | ||
| I was like, oh, what am I doing over there, stupid? | ||
| Like, what am I doing? | ||
| Like, I was panicking. | ||
| I just got too close to the scope. | ||
| And it was like, it's weird when you're looking at something through a scope. | ||
| It's very hard to describe. | ||
| But it's like, almost like, you see like black... | ||
| Like, half moons over everything. | ||
| Like, you can't, like, close in on the actual image. | ||
| The outside of it is all black and blurry. | ||
| There's a distance you keep your eye from the scope, and you start to be good at that when you... | ||
| And I backed up just a hair, and boom! | ||
| It was in perfect, clear focus. | ||
| I was like, oh, that's it! | ||
| I was too close! | ||
| And then the fucker went behind a cliff, the deer. | ||
| By the way, hunting deer, hunting mule deer in a place where they know they're being hunted is a lot like hunting a mirage. | ||
| They'll just show up and then they just disappear. | ||
| And you're like, but how did, it didn't go into the mountain. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Well, they're so, they're so well camouflaged. | ||
| They look exactly like the mountainside. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't see them until you see like a little white tuft where their ass is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm chasing four all morning. | ||
| I finally, I got them. | ||
| I'm going to come over this bridge. | ||
| I got them. | ||
| And I'm like, now we're this ridiculous. | ||
| There's no way they could have disappeared. | ||
| Then I see ducks and I'm like, why do those ducks have huge ears? | ||
| Oh, those fuckers are swimming across the river. | ||
| I spent all morning chasing you assholes, and now you're across the river, and I got no shot. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't even know they can swim. | ||
| I didn't either! | ||
| They swam! | ||
| They're literally swimming like covering serious ground. | ||
| Where we went was so strange. | ||
| It was such a bizarre, bizarre place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cold. | |
| Cold as fuck, and it was just so unlike anything that you ever do in your normal life as a comedian in LA. Right. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| We didn't have cell phones. | ||
| We didn't have text messages. | ||
| I haven't done that in a long time, man. | ||
| And the crazy thing is that we both talk about how you have energy all day. | ||
| Like, even though you're not eating the best food, I mean, we had good food. | ||
| We had, like, camp food, like apples, and we had, like, beef jerky, and we had freeze-dried meals that we would have for dinner and protein bars and stuff like that. | ||
| It wasn't like we were malnourished. | ||
| No, but we were talking about how you get there and it's so quiet. | ||
| You don't have access to your cell phone, internet, nothing. | ||
| And I think you're not spending any time taking in stimulus. | ||
| You're spending time listening to your own breathing and responding and connecting with people. | ||
| And somehow I had such clarity of focus and energy on that whole time. | ||
| Well, I definitely don't think we're designed to live the way we live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| We're trying to adapt, and I think future generations will probably have some physical capabilities that we don't have. | ||
| One theory about autism is the fact that we're now... | ||
| You have these hyper-autistic people who are high-functioning. | ||
| They can take in a tremendous amount of stimulus, see a room, and count everything in it that fast. | ||
| This guy, Juan Enriquez, was saying on TED.com, he's a venture capitalist scientist, and he said... | ||
| It may be that our brains, because we're exposed in such a short period of time to 500 times the stimulus that our – we see more in one day than our ancestors saw in a lifetime as far as just the amount of stimulus, the amount of sounds, the thoughts that are crammed into our brains just through visual stimuli and auditory stimuli. | ||
| Our brains very well may already be evolving to match and coordinate with this ever-changing, exponentially growing environment. | ||
| Well, that's what I'm wondering about, like, with Wi-Fi signals and cellular signals and all the different... | ||
| There's like... | ||
| I don't understand signals. | ||
| You know, I kind of... | ||
| I know that they're there. | ||
| I know that there's radio. | ||
| I know that there's television. | ||
| I know that there's stuff that's being sent out and somewhere someone's receiving it. | ||
| But I don't understand it. | ||
| And so I don't understand, like, what is it doing to biology? | ||
| They know that it's having an effect on bees, especially cell phone signals. | ||
| They think that it might be like a steady jackhammer sort of thing that's affecting bees, like just an interference. | ||
| It's aliens. | ||
| Remember, aliens is air, so that's what the Wi-Fi signal is, like we talked about yesterday. | ||
| I honestly think all this stuff is edging us toward becoming one with the machines, for real, and then ultimately, to that effect, creating this sort of universal connectedness, you know? | ||
| We're not going to be biological for very long. | ||
| I wonder if we're ever going to evolve some ability to tune in to these signals without adding something to the body, without adding a chip. | ||
| How fucked would it be if the human... | ||
| I think we are going to add chips way before that question arises. | ||
| I think things are moving so quickly. | ||
| We're working on synthetically biological computer chips. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Google faces. | ||
| Where they're just gonna have like a Google face. | ||
| You're gonna get a new face. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| I bet you could probably do that someday. | ||
| Well, that's what Ray Kurzweil says. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're going to mesh with machines. | ||
| Why in the world, if you had an eye that could see a mile away in the dark, why wouldn't you get an artificial eye? | ||
| Why wouldn't you? | ||
| Yeah, of course you wouldn't. | ||
| I'm old school. | ||
| I don't need my good legs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to sit here on my porch until everything stops. | |
| Yeah, but maybe the next life is better. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't even know if maybe the afterlife is the notion that you live on as a computer program. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, right? | ||
| If I can download your brain, everything that goes under your brain, I can download it. | ||
| All the content. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which computer scientists are talking about a matter of when, not if. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Like, not my brain. | ||
| Like, maybe your brain. | ||
| No, not your brain. | ||
| Your brain would require a huge mainframe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Too complex. | |
| Huge mainframe. | ||
| Too much going on in subtext. | ||
| But then I take that brain and I put all your memories and everything you think about into a computer. | ||
| I can put it into a robot, maybe. | ||
| What does that say about your mortality? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know the answer. | ||
| We only accept it if it's legit, if it's natural. | ||
| That's when we accept things, when they're natural. | ||
| I know, but you know, if you look at... | ||
| We've been, for example, genetically modifying... | ||
| Crops like corn and things that you would never recognize what corn was 200-300 years ago. | ||
| It's a different, you know, everything that you eat, everything including the animals you eat, have been genetically fucked with to become more productive in their output. | ||
| And isn't ultimately, I mean, we're calling it natural, what's natural and not natural, but isn't everything that human beings do natural? | ||
| Because we're a part of nature. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Just as natural as the process of making honey. | ||
| But the other question, the other issue is that, yes, the idea of natural and biology is going to change when we realize that this human being that I'm looking at is a machine, like anything else. | ||
| In fact, a rather rudimentary machine, maybe 300 years from now, or 200 years from now, or 50 years from now, It may very well be that once we figure out exactly how the machine works with the genome and all these other ideas, well, I guess I can make now even a more complex machine. | ||
| So in the end of the day, if that machine is just as biological but more complex than this rusty old machine that breaks down after 90 years or whatever, Well, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what biology means anymore. | ||
| What happens to the bacteria that exists in the biological organism? | ||
| Because that's like our tenants. | ||
| Well, first of all, we're already... | ||
| We'd have to boot them out. | ||
| But already what we're doing, what science is doing, is trying to learn how to harvest the good bacteria versus the bad bacteria. | ||
| And manage the body like an ecosystem, a mini ecosystem. | ||
| And more and more scientists are talking that the microbes that make up our body are exactly why we are the way we are. | ||
| They control everything from the natural moisture in our skin to the way we smell. | ||
| It's your personality. | ||
| It might have an effect on intelligence. | ||
| Autism may be connected. | ||
| Certain types of autism spectrum disorders might be connected to having an imbalanced flora. | ||
| It's fascinating, man. | ||
| The human body is a host for life. | ||
| There's billions and billions of organisms living inside your body. | ||
| It's hard for us to really imagine that we're not really an individual. | ||
| It's hard for us to imagine that we're a walking ecosystem. | ||
| Yeah, and also the idea that it's maybe hard to imagine that we are being nudged in a certain direction. | ||
| This is not chaos. | ||
| There's a direction we're being moved in. | ||
| And it's complexity, always. | ||
| From the beginning of human history to the moment they figured out how to roll things on logs, they have made it more and more and more and more complex. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The only thing that's not as complex is our stonework. | ||
| Ancient Egyptian stonework. | ||
| We had a guy yesterday, Philip Copens, who wrote this great book on Lost Civilization Enigma. | ||
| It's all on the ancient constructions of the past. | ||
| That's the only thing today that we still go, God damn, these motherfuckers had some crazy technology and some crazy insight. | ||
| The Egyptians? | ||
| Yeah, the Egyptians. | ||
| I mean, even the Romans and a lot of other people who made some incredible pieces of architecture. | ||
| It doesn't mean we couldn't do it today. | ||
| Well, we are doing it today, but I think on a subatomic level or a nano level, right? | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| Now most of the innovation is going toward creating robotics and tissue regeneration, growing new limbs. | ||
| We were talking about it that we think that... | ||
| I want to change that light. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Change a light? | ||
| What's in your eyes? | ||
| This thing back here? | ||
| Are you eye sensitive my friend? | ||
| They did call you game eye. | ||
| You know what a game eye is, folks? | ||
| It's when you're in the canoe and you're rowing. | ||
| You look up in the hills and if you see game, you got the game eye. | ||
| They called me game eye and the cashmere killer because I was wearing three layers of cashmere hunting deer and freezing my fucking tail off still. | ||
| It was fun, man. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| I'm so glad you went with me, man. | ||
| It made it a hundred times better. | ||
| All we did was laugh the whole time. | ||
| It was just a fucking laugh. | ||
| There was a time, I mean, it's such a disrespectful moment because we're actually butchering the deer. | ||
| But as we're butchering this deer, we're cutting into sections and Brian, I don't know what possessed him, but he got into this thing of jerking off into the ravine. | ||
| That was the ravine. | ||
| My character was the ravine So he starts doing this character where he's angry about stuff with his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth and he's just jerking off into the ravine. | ||
| And it was so preposterous for what was happening. | ||
| Here we are like skinning this animal and hawking, chopping sections off of him. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Skinning an animal and gutting it and skinning it. | ||
| I know, but no, the problem is if you put me in a sacred place, I start to freak out and I have to do something. | ||
| You should have seen me in church. | ||
| I went to church like four times in my life. | ||
| I couldn't do it, dude. | ||
| I'd start doing the craziest shit in the world. | ||
| Well, that's what I told him. | ||
| I was like, listen, having this guy with us is going to make the whole thing a hundred times funnier. | ||
| Trust me, we're going to have a great time. | ||
| Especially you and I together. | ||
| You're one of my longest running friends in LA. Yes, we have a language. | ||
| Yeah, we know each other so well. | ||
| We've been through so much shit. | ||
| I sent Brian to fuck my ex-girlfriend once. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Because I had a girlfriend at the time and I didn't want to cheat. | ||
| She's like, God, I'm so horny. | ||
| I'm like, I'll hook you up. | ||
| I go, he even looks like me. | ||
| Played my brother on news radio. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| She was fantastic. | ||
| Wow, that was a fucking good time. | ||
| Dirty, dirty girls. | ||
| Is that weird? | ||
| I can't handle that. | ||
| You dated this girl? | ||
| Yeah, I dated her for a while. | ||
| I would never think like, hey, I want my friend to fuck my ass. | ||
| If it's your really good friend, you don't really give a shit. | ||
| First of all, I knew me and that girl were never getting back together again. | ||
| No disrespect to her. | ||
| She's a nice person and all that good. | ||
| But I knew it was never happening again. | ||
| And he's my boy. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She needed some dick. | ||
| Did Brian give you gonorrhea in this hunting trip? | ||
| She's my friend. | ||
| She needed some dick, you know? | ||
| What am I supposed to do? | ||
| Say, no, I can't help you. | ||
| I can help her. | ||
| I had the fucking solution. | ||
| I remember you calling me up. | ||
| You go, hey, I'm setting you up. | ||
| What are you doing tomorrow? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I go, I don't know. | |
| You're going on a date with my ex-girlfriend. | ||
| No, I said, you're going to go fuck my ex-girlfriend. | ||
| I was like, all right. | ||
| I think we met him for her. | ||
| I don't even know if we ate. | ||
| He fucked her behind a car and shot a load into her. | ||
| And she calls me the next day. | ||
| Your fucking friend came inside me. | ||
| I was young. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I was like fucking young. | ||
| I was like, what am I supposed to do? | ||
| I was laughing so hard. | ||
| I was crying. | ||
| I was holding my... | ||
| Because I know you so well. | ||
| You're so fucking crazy. | ||
| And I couldn't believe that we did it in the first place. | ||
| I set you up to go fuck her. | ||
| I'm not even just laughing while she's telling me. | ||
| Your fucking friend came inside me. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| I go... | ||
| I can never... | ||
| Very few ex-girlfriends have ever called me up complaining. | ||
| She didn't tell me not to. | ||
| I was young. | ||
| I was like, well, we're having sex. | ||
| Aren't I supposed to do that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| That's a whole different thing. | ||
| Yeah, you think about how fucking... | ||
| What a numbskull I was when I was younger. | ||
| I didn't understand girls were different. | ||
| I didn't really understand. | ||
| I couldn't... | ||
| I couldn't understand why they weren't just like me. | ||
| And then I'd date a girl who'd be, like, looking back on her, they were all great. | ||
| And I'd be like, why is she not behaving like my friends? | ||
| She's a fucking girl, you idiot. | ||
| Yeah, it takes a while to understand that. | ||
| I mean, I was just a fucking idiot. | ||
| Those poor girls were like, what is with this caveman? | ||
| You know, I'm not going to fuck you, like, in the elevator. | ||
| This is, you know, whatever it was, you know. | ||
| I'd be like, well, you should be more into... | ||
| I broke up with a girl because she fell asleep during Raging Bull. | ||
| That's not fair to a girl. | ||
| It's a great movie, but it's a fucking movie about a boxer. | ||
| The guy's like, girls aren't supposed to... | ||
| You know, it's not fair for me to be... | ||
| You were mad at her? | ||
| I was like, this is my favorite movie of all time, and you fell asleep in it. | ||
| I'm afraid I have nothing in common with you. | ||
| I didn't say that, but I made that choice in my head. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Yes, but I was like, I can never talk to her. | ||
| I don't get that. | ||
| What the fuck is that all about? | ||
| It's raging bull, bro. | ||
| One of the things that I pride myself in is I've never tried to make someone that I've dated any different than who they are. | ||
| You were always good about that. | ||
| I'm not... | ||
| I had to learn that. | ||
| I was a fucking idiot. | ||
| I just know, it's more for me. | ||
| You can't bring someone a book and tell them they have to read it. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| I was like, how can you not be interested in this? | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Well, they were fucking at their own thing. | ||
| They got their own thing. | ||
| And a lot of times they were smarter than I was. | ||
| I look back on it. | ||
| If I had listened to them, I would have been better off. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of things that people I like really love and I could not care less if it existed, whether it's sports or certain types of music. | ||
| And I could love these people to death and whatever their opinion is. | ||
| Eddie Brown was always trying to turn me on to some new electronic band. | ||
| Four out of five of them are pretty decent. | ||
| But every now and then, he's into some shit that I'm not into. | ||
| Four out of five? | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Four out of five? | ||
| Those are pretty high odds. | ||
| I bet it's less than that. | ||
| Yeah, you're probably right. | ||
| It's about three out of five sucks. | ||
| He's being nice because he loves Eddie. | ||
| I'm being nice because I love Eddie. | ||
| But it's not... | ||
| Look, it's just taste in music. | ||
| He really loves Smashing Pumpkins. | ||
| He really loves... | ||
| I'm a Leonard Skinner guy. | ||
| I'm a Led Zeppelin guy. | ||
| I love, like, hearing the fucking guitar scratching on the pick. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I want to hear, like, the black keys. | ||
| Like, that's my kind of music. | ||
| And also, like, musicians a lot of times are listening to something different than we are. | ||
| Like, they hear more than we do, or they're just more in tune with something innovative. | ||
| Well, just Eddie has a very specific style that he fucking loves. | ||
| And, you know, he's very creative, man. | ||
| I mean, his own music is like, if you're into that style of music... | ||
| Eddie does some really top-notch shit, and now he does it with this dude, Compella. | ||
| They have this band called Smoke Serpent, and Compella, who's a really good rapper, raps over it, and Eddie puts his music on in the background. | ||
| And his thing has always been that he always loved hip-hop, but he didn't like the kind of music that was in the background of hip-hop. | ||
| He didn't like that whole sampling thing. | ||
| He's got that sort of electronic, smashing pumpkin sort of vibe of music. | ||
| He's really into that. | ||
| Everybody's different. | ||
| I wonder why that is. | ||
| It's different wiring, right? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I mean, look, there's some people who hate violence. | ||
| They hate violent sports. | ||
| They just don't like it. | ||
| But I can have great conversations with them about other stuff. | ||
| Listen, man, I just thought it was so funny. | ||
| The minute I saw that deer, I had one shot to get this deer. | ||
| Because you go all day looking for deer and you don't see one. | ||
| It was so cold. | ||
| The minute I saw that buck, my hat came off. | ||
| I didn't feel anything. | ||
| I was just literally like, I'm going to kill that fucking buck! | ||
| I'm not a hunter, and I don't really necessarily want to kill something. | ||
| Well, we were on a mission. | ||
| We were doing something that was very unusual for two guys that are in their 40s with kids, living in L.A., in the entertainment business, sort of. | ||
| I'm sort of still in the entertainment business. | ||
| I do comedy shows, I guess. | ||
| They're on my own, but I guess it's in it. | ||
| Those guys were a great audience, weren't they? | ||
| Our guides, Steve Rinella and Ryan, what's his last name? | ||
| Ryan Callahan. | ||
| Yeah, Ryan Callahan. | ||
| He was a great guy. | ||
| He was my guide, Ryan Callahan. | ||
| And Mo, the director, and Dan Doty. | ||
| I can't wait to see the video. | ||
| Dude, they were all great guys. | ||
| Listen, these guys are solid as fuck, man. | ||
| And they were a great audience. | ||
| They just laughed at us and we were just fucking around all the time. | ||
| Well, I don't think they've probably ever done a show like that. | ||
| Brian went, like, from the moment we got there, Brian was full tilt. | ||
| From the moment we got there, he was, this is all mining. | ||
| See this? | ||
| This is all long-term strip mining. | ||
| And I go, no. | ||
| I go, this is the Missouri River, you fuck. | ||
| This cut through this. | ||
| It used to be the great Western Inland Sea. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| This is mining. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, you don't know anything about it. | ||
| Even Steve Rinello who's been there, grew up there, he's like, yeah, this is all natural. | ||
| I go, nah, you're wrong about that. | ||
| But anyway, we'll move on. | ||
| Right away, he gets into his ridiculous character, and then it gets gayer and gayer as the day goes long. | ||
| I'm cracking Joe up. | ||
| So as long as I'm cracking Joe up, that's all I'm living for at that point. | ||
| So I'm like, if I got an audience, I can just see Joe's eyes, they're slits, and he's like, hee-hee-hee-hee. | ||
| I'm like, all right, that's fucking it. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It was seriously no bullshit like going on a five-day comedy show where in between you took breaks to go be a caveman. | ||
| We have a lot on camera. | ||
| We got to steal it and put it on the fucking website. | ||
| Well, there's certain things like the Ravine Comer. | ||
| They said that they were going to give it to us because they could never put it on their show. | ||
| Yeah, we have to get it. | ||
| But he has a lot of control on this show. | ||
| I think it's on the Sportsman's channel. | ||
| One of those channels. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Outdoors. | |
| I think it's an outdoor show. | ||
| Which, by the way, I watch now. | ||
| I watch all these hunting shows now. | ||
| I'm fucking recording them and watching hunting shows. | ||
| Man, let you do it. | ||
| It's so fascinating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so fascinating. | |
| You know what it's like? | ||
| I didn't get it before. | ||
| You're in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| You're never going to see this topography. | ||
| And then you see a deer. | ||
| You see something that you can actually get. | ||
| And I love deer meat, by the way. | ||
| But you see it and you're like... | ||
| It's like winning the lottery. | ||
| It's like all of a sudden you're like... | ||
| This whole rush of discovering something new. | ||
| Well, you're in their world. | ||
| That's the weirdest thing about what it is, is when you do this sort of what they call immersion hunting, we basically went into the wild, like the real, legitimate wild. | ||
| It's not a road that's untraveled. | ||
| People travel it every year, but it's not that many. | ||
| And the people that are traveling are all doing what you're doing. | ||
| They're all sneaking up on deers and shooting them. | ||
| And while we were there, we were there for five days. | ||
| We saw three other canoes. | ||
| So that was it. | ||
| Two other campsites. | ||
| So what it is is like this really inhospitable terrain that occasionally, you know, every couple days or so, a new person will venture into. | ||
| And it's that crazy. | ||
| It's another world. | ||
| This world doesn't have any cell phone signal. | ||
| You don't see a building anywhere. | ||
| You get on top of the mountain and you climb up for hours. | ||
| You get to the top and you look out and it's kind of scary because you don't see shit for anywhere, to the left or to the right. | ||
| It's more of these hills and valleys, hills and valleys and no help, no stores, no nothing. | ||
| So you got what you brought with you and what you can kill here in Cook. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's exactly right. | ||
| And so when you creep up on a deer and wind up shooting that deer and killing it, you entered into a different reality. | ||
| You plugged into this different reality of hunting. | ||
| And also, I thought the most profound part of it was butchering my own deer. | ||
| And I'll tell you why. | ||
| We have a real disconnect to the food we eat. | ||
| You go to a McDonald's and you're eating a steer that was maybe killed I don't know how many months ago and then skinned by some stranger and then quartered and put together and grinded and processed with other cows and it's a mixture of shit. | ||
| Maybe some of the cows came from China. | ||
| It's the same thing with chicken and stuff. | ||
| There's a real disconnect with the animal protein that we eat. | ||
| We don't know how it's lived. | ||
| We don't know how it's suffered. | ||
| We don't know anything about it. | ||
| And that's always bothered me. | ||
| And one of the things I thought was, there were two things I found profound about not only killing a deer with that rifle, the force and the feeling of it, but also then butchering the meat. | ||
| The intimate process of gutting a deer and harvesting the liver and the heart and then skinning it and cutting into that meat that you're going to eat, the heat, the heat from the inside of its body, because you've got to get in there. | ||
| I had blood. | ||
| We both had blood past my wrists. | ||
| And the intimate process The smell and the feel and the temperature, you really get a sense of the vast discrepancy between life and death and our own biology and how fragile we are. | ||
| You see what a scalpel, what a small knife can do to muscle and skin and sinew. | ||
| It's frightening. | ||
| It's frightening how easy it is to gut a deer, which is a much stronger animal than I am. | ||
| You know, it's just frightening to think about. | ||
| So it creates in your own sort of viscera a sense of true vulnerability. | ||
| And more importantly, like our own biology. | ||
| And I then had a very strong understanding and idea of how easy it was for hunter-gatherer or even our very recent ancestors to kill another human being. | ||
| Because when you kill an animal and you butcher it and you get that close to its body and its heart and its life force and then you see it go away. | ||
| Killing a human being would be exactly the same thing in a lot of ways because it's just another animal. | ||
| Now, obviously, we have different motifs on what a human being is. | ||
| They have a conscience and all that and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| But I'm just saying that I can understand how a hunter would make a very good and ready warrior. | ||
| There's a very... | ||
| Thin divide. | ||
| And most of us, as men in today's world, don't ever experience either one. | ||
| We don't experience death that intimately. | ||
| We don't experience even fighting that intimately. | ||
| Everything has to be simulation. | ||
| It has to be either a fucking video game or a jiu-jitsu mat. | ||
| Not even that. | ||
| How many of you are saying a jiu-jitsu mat? | ||
| That's the rarest of the rare. | ||
| Usually it's an argument in traffic. | ||
| Usually there's virtually no testing of yourself like that. | ||
| No connection to life and death like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it actually made me more respectful. | ||
| It made me more respectful of deer, of the environment. | ||
| Being with a hunter like Ryan or Steve, what you realize actually is that hunters, to be an effective hunter, the irony is you have to have a deep, deep respect, love, and understanding of deer. | ||
| The animal, its behavior, and of the environment in which you are now a guest in. | ||
| Yeah, listen, it's not easy. | ||
| It's not easy. | ||
| I mean, people think you're just going out there and shooting defenseless animals. | ||
| No, what you're doing is you're going out and getting your own meat. | ||
| And it's a difficult fucking process. | ||
| It's very difficult. | ||
| And the guys who are really good at it, those guys love every aspect of it. | ||
| The Ryans and the Steve, Steve Rinell and Ryan Callahan, those guys that took us out there. | ||
| They love every aspect of it. | ||
| They're conservationists. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're true conservationists. | ||
| They follow the rules to a T. To a T. They know every rule for every area they're hunting. | ||
| They pay attention to all of it. | ||
| Like where we were at, we couldn't use two-way communication. | ||
| So no one could say, like, hey, we saw some deer this morning. | ||
| You can't say that over the radio. | ||
| It's illegal. | ||
| Do you know what happened to me when I was hunting? | ||
| It changed my political point of view a little bit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you know why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Well, this is weird because I always talk about being a libertarian and everything else, but then I realized the value and the importance of having strong regulation and rules. | ||
| Because if you talk to hunters and people who really know, without really strong anti-poaching laws, for example, or really strong regulation by the Fish and Game Service, you would have Everybody that I've talked to agrees, you'd have major abuses by assholes just machine gunning the whole fucking side of that ridge when they saw rams, and you'd have no game left. | ||
| And in fact, American history and history in the Middle East certainly that I know of bears that out, that people always overhunted, they always overfished, and they continue to do that. | ||
| People are cunts. | ||
| When our ancestors figured out that you could run a woolly mammoth off a cliff, guess what? | ||
| Woolly mammoth disappeared. | ||
| And they starved. | ||
| This is what happens. | ||
| So human beings actually can be very short-sighted and can not do what's in their best interest sometimes. | ||
| You need some regulation. | ||
| Well, you didn't think that that was a good idea before the trip? | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| You didn't think about it? | ||
| I just always have a visceral reaction to any government organization. | ||
| I go, well, are they making it worse or better? | ||
| No, there are some very good and important... | ||
| They're probably the best. | ||
| It's all done by hunters. | ||
| It's all done by people who hopefully, I think, you know, there was some dispute about who was going to be in charge of it now. | ||
| It's like people who are more animal rights oriented. | ||
| No, I don't trust them because Steve Brunella and guys like Ryan are huge believers and huge lovers of animals. | ||
| Yeah, and the other thing is, man, people can't deny that it needs to be done because there's only two options. | ||
| Either you hunt the animals or you reintroduce predators. | ||
| And when you reintroduce predators, you've got a whole new set of problems. | ||
| First of all, you've cut down on some free meat. | ||
| So, unless you're saying that people should stop eating meat totally, you've cut down on the amount of meat. | ||
| You've cut down on the most... | ||
| Humane way of ever harvesting an animal. | ||
| Letting the animal live its entire life wild and normal and undisturbed until you take it. | ||
| So it literally is a free animal and you go and earn it and get that animal. | ||
| It's not an animal trapped in a pen that you force into a corralled area and then it gets a piston through the brain. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Living in a feedlot. | ||
| So I don't understand why you would want people to stop doing it. | ||
| Is it the idea that people are upset at the idea of someone actually taking the life themselves? | ||
| I mean, that must be... | ||
| That's the only argument I can see, you know. | ||
| Maybe it's they recognize that that connection between taking that animal and butchering that animal is very close to the connection of taking a human life. | ||
| My issue with hunting is I would not hunt a bear or a lion or something that I'm not going to eat. | ||
| I don't believe in that. | ||
| Apparently mountain lions taste good. | ||
| Steve Rinella said that mountain lion steak is delicious. | ||
| Yeah, he talks about it in the book. | ||
| He's got tasting notes on mountain lions. | ||
| It's pretty funny on the media. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| It's hit or miss with mountain lions. | ||
| Sometimes it's so stringy you literally can't even chew into it. | ||
| If you roast it for a long time in a stew, it's kind of a pale meat and it's got an okay taste. | ||
| In fact, eating predators that live on animal protein is not such a good idea. | ||
| Except fish. | ||
| Except for fish. | ||
| Fish are all delicious that eat fish. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| That's why you catch them with lures. | ||
| Stupid fucks. | ||
| How dumb are they? | ||
| It's like throwing a robot in front of you that you think you could fuck. | ||
| You dive on a prong stick in your asshole and you get dragged into another dimension. | ||
| It's like it's so rude. | ||
| I love what you say. | ||
| It's like you eat things with their face and you catch them by the face. | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| I'm so afraid of the ocean. | ||
| You should be. | ||
| Have you seen the ocean at night, dark when it's dark, pitch black? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have. | |
| I've been on it in a boat before. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| My parents lived on a sailboat for a couple of years. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yeah, my parents got a wild hair across their ass and they decided to retire and kick back for a while. | ||
| And my dad just stopped working for a few years. | ||
| He went back to work afterwards, but he stopped working for a few years and just sailed around. | ||
| They lived in the Bahamas for a while. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| And they get stuck in a hurricane once. | ||
| Yeah, but then I always worry about pirates and things like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, yes. | |
| I mean, if I could have a turret gun and a fucking.50 caliber sniper rifle and a SEAL team following me, it'd be fine. | ||
| Until we address the imbalance of the world, Brian Callen, there's always going to be pirates. | ||
| I suppose you're right, my friend. | ||
| You know, we're always concerned with fattening up our own pockets, but unless we feed those poor people of Somalia, they're going to keep doing what they want to do. | ||
| I agree, I agree. | ||
| How do you fix that? | ||
| The Somalia thing is so fucked up. | ||
| It's literally an area the size of Texas or Western Europe. | ||
| That area that they talk about is so vast. | ||
| And yes, you're going to have very poor people who come in and go, let's hijack that very big boat and take whatever we have. | ||
| You know how it started? | ||
| Do you know how the Somalia thing started? | ||
| They called themselves the Volunteer Coast Guard of Somalia because what happened was the Somalian people were essentially fishermen. | ||
| And Europeans started dumping toxic waste off their shores. | ||
| And fishing their shores. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Overfishing their shores with nets and shit. | ||
| And using a... | ||
| Did you hear that? | ||
| Or was it just me? | ||
| Did you hear that pop? | ||
| I didn't hear it. | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| You hear it. | ||
| And then polluting it with all sorts of toxic waste and just fucked up their whole ecosystem. | ||
| So all of a sudden these people can't fish anymore. | ||
| So they started holding these people captive. | ||
| They would catch one of these fishing boats or one of these boats dumping shit off their coast. | ||
| They would kidnap them. | ||
| And they would demand a ransom because you guys have fucked up our fishing. | ||
| We want some money. | ||
| And then they realized, you know what? | ||
| Fuck fishing. | ||
| Let's just start jacking, dudes. | ||
| All these people are in boats. | ||
| Everybody's going to want them back. | ||
| And so they just started taking over boats. | ||
| It's total chaos. | ||
| I always think about that Navy SEAL guy that actually on a boat as it was bobbing up and down. | ||
| Shot that dude with a headshot as his boat was bobbing up and down. | ||
| That's what you call good marksmanship. | ||
| He probably used a Win Mag 300. Apparently the gun I dropped that deer with was what some of the SEAL team snipers used. | ||
| That was a sick gun. | ||
| That gun was pretty awesome. | ||
| It was really accurate. | ||
| You shot really well, too. | ||
| You dropped your deer at, what, 200 yards or something? | ||
| They said it was a great shot. | ||
| It's hard to stay calm. | ||
| But like I said, I'm so used to doing things when I'm nervous. | ||
| I think it helped. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Like knowing how to stay calm. | ||
| Once I remember to just control my breathing and just focus on my trigger finger, everything stopped. | ||
| It's so easy to say, but it's so hard to get a calm... | ||
| Relaxing. | ||
| Because you're also trying to calm yourself down. | ||
| You're out of breath to begin with usually. | ||
| It's very cold. | ||
| And you have ten seconds. | ||
| Because this fucking thing is not going to stay still. | ||
| This thing's moving. | ||
| So as it's turned inside to you. | ||
| You're on your belly. | ||
| You've got quills in your fucking leg. | ||
| Steve Vanilla blew a little horn. | ||
| It sounds like a fawn. | ||
| Like a little thing. | ||
| And the deer went like this. | ||
| And then boom! | ||
| That's where I shot him. | ||
| It's fucked up, man. | ||
| The whole process of it was fascinating. | ||
| And then eating it that night. | ||
| Well, you had gotten a deer, and I was so worried I wasn't going to get a deer. | ||
| And then I was like, we're going for a buck, and then I found out we could actually shoot bucks or does. | ||
| And he turns around and he goes, you want to shoot a doe? | ||
| I go... | ||
| Yeah, I want to shoot a girl. | ||
| I'm eating it. | ||
| Isn't it funny that that's a big issue for a lot of people? | ||
| Like, I don't want to shoot a girl. | ||
| Well, you know what else is interesting about where we were hunting is they were talking about the huge winter kills. | ||
| Most of those mule dealers don't make it through the winter. | ||
| They die of starvation or the cold. | ||
| That kills them more than predators. | ||
| Although we did find some mountain lion shits. | ||
| We found some big, fat, thick shit that were filled with hair. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like, man, that's either one hell of a coyote or a mountain lion. | ||
| He goes, most likely a mountain lion. | ||
| It's a pretty big piece of shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He goes, big, fat, mountain lion asshole. | ||
| Was it as big as the shit that you took of me? | ||
| No, it was different than your shit. | ||
| It was more meaty. | ||
| They don't have any fucking vegetables or oatmeal in there. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| I took a photo of Brian's shit, and we put a flag. | ||
| You made a flag. | ||
| He made a tinfoil flag, planted it next to my shit. | ||
| I did a lunge and presented it to him, and he took a picture. | ||
| Hey, we're 45, everybody. | ||
| What I was going to say on Twitter... | ||
| That Brian took this shit off the Missouri River and we put a flag next to it. | ||
| If you can go find it, I'll give you $1,000. | ||
| I was going to have a Twitter contest to find Brian's shit. | ||
| But you have to use these waste bags. | ||
| You can't just leave your shit laying around on the Missouri River. | ||
| It's foul. | ||
| You have to dig it up and put it in these waste bags or shit in the bag itself. | ||
| The bag has some powdered chemical in it that kills the smell and you zip it up and seal it. | ||
| So we had to essentially carry five days worth of shits with us. | ||
| It was so weird. | ||
| The whole thing was, living like that was really fascinating. | ||
| And man, when we got back to that hotel room on the fifth day, we landed our boats, we traveled like 40-something miles by canoe, and every day it was like six miles hiking. | ||
| And when we got back... | ||
| I stunk. | ||
| I stunk terrible. | ||
| But when I got in that shower, oh my god, I was so appreciative. | ||
| And then we had a great meal with the wine. | ||
| Yeah, it was great. | ||
| What was the name of that place we went to? | ||
| I think, what was it called? | ||
| It was really good. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Walters? | ||
| No. | ||
| Walkers? | ||
| Walkers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really nice people, too. | ||
| Really good food. | ||
| Great place. | ||
| Billings, Montana is surprisingly diverse. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| We saw a black guy there. | ||
| A couple of black guys. | ||
| We saw several gay gentlemen who were sitting at our table, in fact, at one point. | ||
| Some were working as waiters. | ||
| I felt at home. | ||
| I was like, this looks like LA or New York. | ||
| The gay guy was swapping gossip with me. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| He was telling me about this one and that one. | ||
| Then there was the guy that we met that had a stroke because he did too much meth. | ||
| Yep, I remember him. | ||
| Handsome guy, but just had a stroke. | ||
| Fucking meth is bad, folks. | ||
| Yeah, nobody ever did meth and went, you know what? | ||
| Everything worked out after that. | ||
| This dude got a stroke from meth. | ||
| He was 23 years old. | ||
| He had a fucking meth stroke. | ||
| Like, whoa. | ||
| So he's recovering from that. | ||
| But like the kitchen is like, you know, they were all like hipsters working there. | ||
| The chef had this big knife tattoo on his forearm. | ||
| You know, it's like, it's really interesting. | ||
| Like, here you are in this, what used to be thought of as a cow town, like a classic cow town, Billings, Montana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But in fact, it's like really kind of a cool town. | ||
| A lot of cool and interesting people. | ||
| There are a lot of gems, hidden gems like that in this country. | ||
| Columbia, Missouri is just an unbelievable little town. | ||
| It's a college town. | ||
| Yeah, Ann Arbor, Michigan. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Ann Arbor, Michigan. | ||
| Yeah, Ann Arbor's another great town. | ||
| I think it's called the Comedy Showcase. | ||
| No. | ||
| I am doing helium this weekend, though. | ||
| Friday, Saturday. | ||
| Helium in Philly is one of the all-time great clubs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It really is, yeah. | ||
| Come get your tickets, heliumcomedy.com. | ||
| Yeah, just go to Brian's Twitter. | ||
| You got it up on your Twitter, right? | ||
| I'm putting it up. | ||
| You don't have it up yet? | ||
| And you're there this weekend? | ||
| I should have it up, right? | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| I'm doing it right now. | ||
| I'm tweeting right now. | ||
| I'll put it up. | ||
| We'll put it up after the show. | ||
| I'll do it for you. | ||
| Have you done Gotham in New York? | ||
| I'll be in Gotham. | ||
| Yeah, I've done Gotham. | ||
| The following weekend. | ||
| Yeah, I used to do that all the time. | ||
| Chris D'Elia is my boy. | ||
| I mean, Chris Mazzilli, who owns it. | ||
| You know. | ||
| Yeah, Gotham is a great club. | ||
| It's another one of the best clubs. | ||
| It's like one of the best clubs. | ||
| I think it's my favorite place to play in New York. | ||
| I used to do Caroline's when I came into town, but Caroline's has that stage that's so small. | ||
| Yeah, I'm actually hosting on Thursday, the 15th. | ||
| I'm hosting live at Gotham, which they're shooting again. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That'll be fun. | ||
| Then I have my own. | ||
| I did that once. | ||
| Then I'm doing two shows Friday on the 16th and two shows Saturday on the 17th of November. | ||
| So come by. | ||
| Gotham Comedy Club. | ||
| That place was fun. | ||
| I did that once. | ||
| Yeah, you did it. | ||
| In fact, I was with you when you... | ||
| I wasn't even doing stand-up and you got up and did a set there a long time ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| We killed it. | ||
| It was me and Patty. | ||
| We watched you and... | ||
| Powerful Patty. | ||
| Powerful Patty. | ||
| You should get her on that podcast. | ||
| She's fucking awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I would love to have her on. | ||
| I love Patty. | ||
| We had a talk about the afterlife on my podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She was so fucking good. | ||
| Patty's a funny... | ||
| Patty's Brian's ex-girlfriend who's also a brilliant director. | ||
| Just a fascinating chick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She's so rare because she's so very dude-like. | ||
| When you're having conversations with her, she's very dude-like. | ||
| When she was describing to me situations like actress breakdowns and craziness and the kind of stuff that she has to manage, like being a director, sometimes it's like babysitting. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We always hear, like, Kevin Pollack was on, Opie and Anthony yesterday, and was talking about some instance that he had on a set with Michael Clarke Duncan being a diva, and he told the whole story about it, even after the guy was dead, you know? | ||
| But it's like, they all have these fucking stories. | ||
| Like, every director, every person who works a set, they all have these nutty stories of something. | ||
| Dove Davidoff just told me that he interviewed on his podcast Lorenzo Lamas. | ||
| By the way, I just did Dove on my podcast on ManThoughts, which I'm posting today. | ||
| He went to a psychiatrist, Dove, and you know what the psychiatrist said after 20 minutes? | ||
| He goes, I see what's going on here. | ||
| Dove goes, what? | ||
| He goes, you actually don't think you have a right to be born. | ||
| I mean, you don't think you have a right to exist. | ||
| Is that how you feel? | ||
| Dove was like, yeah, that's exactly how I feel. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, we talked about it on the fucking podcast. | ||
| Wait a minute, Dov Davidoff doesn't feel like he should have the right to have been born? | ||
| Yeah, if you know how he grew up, it's his fucking life. | ||
| I mean, Renee Zellweger's starring and directing the movie of his life. | ||
| She's playing Dov Davidoff? | ||
| She's playing the girl that likes him and loves him. | ||
| She's playing Dov Davidoff. | ||
| She's like, I can do it. | ||
| Johnny Knoxville's playing Dov Davidoff. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| In a story about his life. | ||
| That's a fascinating thing. | ||
| I'm posting the fucking podcast today. | ||
| Did Dove write all the dialogue and everything? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was initially his thing. | ||
| I put him together with Anthony Tambacis, my buddy who wrote Warrior. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he wrote it? | |
| Anthony's such a badass writer. | ||
| Every draft he'd come up with, you'd be like, how the fuck do you write this? | ||
| You know, Warrior was a strange movie because it didn't get the attention that I thought it deserved. | ||
| I saw that movie and I was like, wow, that's going to be a big hit movie. | ||
| The only problem with that movie was the two-day fighting thing. | ||
| They fought two days in a row. | ||
| I was like, man, I feel like you could have got around that. | ||
| You had everything up to that. | ||
| I mean, there was some cliched topics and cliched angles, but it was done so fucking well. | ||
| Everybody from Nick Nolte... | ||
| Down to the two brothers. | ||
| I mean, it was really done well. | ||
| It was a great fucking movie. | ||
| I enjoyed the shit out of it, man. | ||
| And my wife enjoyed it. | ||
| She doesn't really even like fighting. | ||
| It tested higher with women than it did with men. | ||
| It's a good fucking movie, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it really was. | |
| It was a good fucking movie. | ||
| But for whatever reason, it just disappeared. | ||
| Like, I didn't get it. | ||
| I was confused. | ||
| There's a lot of times that happens, man, where a movie just will just slip through. | ||
| But a movie like that, too, was so epic. | ||
| So much was put into it, and it made $6 million or something. | ||
| It's only a weekend. | ||
| It's just such a heartbreak, you know? | ||
| It's too bad. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I would have thought that movie would have taken off. | ||
| Maybe it's just people were just like all... | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| We got a problem, Brian. | ||
| That thing just popped really loud. | ||
| I think it's just the headphone jack problem. | ||
| Yeah, I think it is. | ||
| Actually, that's what it felt like. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Brian, how do you know? | ||
| You talk shit. | ||
| Because I felt it when I moved. | ||
| I moved this. | ||
| Oh, it's you, you fuck. | ||
| You're moving things. | ||
| And that's why it's popping. | ||
| See? | ||
| Ha ha ha ha. | ||
| We solved the problem. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| This is a new thing, actually, that we got. | ||
| I ordered one of those, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Anyway, where were we? | ||
| We're at a loss of words. | ||
| We're talking about... | ||
| How the movie only made six million dollars and it's heartbreaking. | ||
| Writing anything in life and, you know, doing a movie or anything that takes a long time, building a business, it's all an act of faith, man. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| Sometimes it just doesn't fucking work. | ||
| You just hope it does. | ||
| The problem is you're dealing with a giant group of people and trying to, everybody's vision, trying to funnel them into, like, one sort of cohesive laser beam. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Listen, man. | ||
| It's like I told you I had to sit down with Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just me, him, and fucking John Leguizamo. | |
| Yeah, you had a good time, huh? | ||
| Well, no, the reason I bring it up is he was talking about being governor for eight years and how fucking getting anything done was basically impossible. | ||
| So he'd have a really common sense measure, let's say, measuring the groundwater for farmers because we can use more of that water to go, you know, we don't need all this water. | ||
| Let's measure the groundwater, see how much you need, and we'll siphon the rest off in L.A. And the farmers look at him and go, oh, nah, it's not going to happen. | ||
| He's like, what do you mean? | ||
| Common sense? | ||
| We'll be right back. | ||
| Three hours later, seven Republican senators are up in his office going, Mr. Governor, you're not going to measure the groundwater. | ||
| It's not going to happen, but here's what we'll do. | ||
| You call for a measuring of the groundwater, and we'll act like, basically, and then the farmers won't let us on the land. | ||
| Everybody wins, huh? | ||
| You get it? | ||
| You get it now? | ||
| How's that? | ||
| He's literally saying, you're dealing with such powerful special interests. | ||
| He said, the only thing I could do as a governor was veto shit. | ||
| By the way, talking to him, he's so socially liberal. | ||
| I'm right down. | ||
| This guy, he's just physically conservative. | ||
| He's talking about the insanity. | ||
| He's more of the pull yourself up by the seat of your pants. | ||
| Yeah, but he's also very socially liberal. | ||
| He believes in marriage. | ||
| Yeah, and also he believes we should just think about global warming. | ||
| He's got regulations. | ||
| I'm right with him practically. | ||
| As he was speaking, he was just so fair-minded. | ||
| But common sense measures, common sense farming policy in this country where you don't subsidize huge factory farms, try doing that sometime. | ||
| Try getting elected. | ||
| These people spend all day down on Capitol Hill. | ||
| When was the last time you were petitioning Capitol Hill? | ||
| It's just the system is stupid. | ||
| It's just really stupid. | ||
| You've got big labor unions that can make or break your election. | ||
| Well, Obama's been talking about special interest groups. | ||
| He's been talking about getting rid of lobbyists. | ||
| It's hard, though, because constitutionally you're allowed to petition your government. | ||
| So how do you get around that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, there is a way. | ||
| Yeah, constitutionally, the Bill of Rights used to also have a lot of shit, and it's not there anymore because of Patriot Act, NDAA. You could easily fix that, too. | ||
| You could. | ||
| It just seems like the idea of a lobbyist, it should be completely illegal. | ||
| It should be completely illegal that you can use money. | ||
| There's something wrong with the fact that all those counties around Capitol Hill are the wealthiest counties and they don't produce a goddamn thing. | ||
| It's just lawyers and lobbyists. | ||
| They don't produce anything. | ||
| What they do is they go... | ||
| They're unbeholden of various companies and they go and say, Hey, Mr. Senator... | ||
| You need to vote for this because it'll bring a lot of jobs also to your constituency. | ||
| We need a new airplane. | ||
| And Boeing happens to have a plan there. | ||
| You'll hire 1,100 people. | ||
| Just vote for it. | ||
| Don't look weak on defense. | ||
| They're system gangsters. | ||
| They find a system and they exploit the weaknesses in the system. | ||
| And that's where we're at. | ||
| So we have to deal with all these weaknesses. | ||
| And you can't... | ||
| You can't just say, well, you know, this is fine. | ||
| We just need to add some more laws. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| The whole thing should be parsed down to some really simple language, and you need to get all outside influence out of it. | ||
| It has to completely be the will of the people. | ||
| And if people choose to act like in groups as far as like, you know, religious groups want to boycott things or, you know, certain people, gay and lesbian people want to support things so they support gay marriage, that's fine. | ||
| That's all good. | ||
| Organize. | ||
| Do whatever the fuck you want to do. | ||
| But the idea that you can get to the actual politicians themselves with money. | ||
| And get special favors. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To make money. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| To make money. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| And it should be illegal. | ||
| How is that not legal, but yet insider trading is? | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Well, insider trading is not legal, but... | ||
| Not illegal, I meant. | ||
| How is that not illegal? | ||
| I should have said, how is that legal in insider trading is illegal? | ||
| I mean, it's essentially, it's all stealing. | ||
| It's all finding all these numbers and pulling them out of the system and sticking them into your account. | ||
| It's like you're doing some crazy shit. | ||
| You're influencing the way America runs. | ||
| You're influencing democracy, man. | ||
| Freedom. | ||
| You're influencing personal freedom for sure. | ||
| How many people are in private prisons right now due to non-violent drug offenses that are a direct result of lobbyists pushing for certain things to remain illegal? | ||
| That is clear. | ||
| That is money influencing people's freedom. | ||
| That is literally shifting in degrees, left or to the right, you know, as far as plus or minus, how many people are incarcerated? | ||
| That strikes me, what you're saying strikes me as the most important. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| And I think it was James Madison who said that special interest groups have always been the threat to this form of system of government. | ||
| However, they'll cancel each other out. | ||
| But it's not happening. | ||
| It seems like the group that has the strongest... | ||
| Look at what organized labor... | ||
| I'm part of a union, so I understand unions. | ||
| But some of these fucking labor unions are just... | ||
| And I was talking to Schwarzenegger about this... | ||
| They're literally lobbying and they get it. | ||
| They lobby for when they retire after 15, 20 years. | ||
| They get 95% of their salary or whatever it is for the rest of their lives. | ||
| Now, who says we can't afford that? | ||
| They've bankrupt the state. | ||
| They have bankrupt the state. | ||
| It's all different kinds of organized groups of labor. | ||
| Look at what the United Auto Workers Union did to itself. | ||
| You could retire with 95% of your pension for the rest of your life and your whole family had benefits for the rest of their lives? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| No, you couldn't sell enough cars to support your pension plan. | ||
| Is that the truth? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's exactly what happened. | ||
| 95%? | ||
| 95% of your salary. | ||
| So are you going to go out and look for another job? | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| And this is exactly what happens with these big pension plans. | ||
| Still though, in their point of view, they're busting their ass for 20 years, making millions of dollars for Chevrolet. | ||
| Not the point. | ||
| How about you give me my money forever? | ||
| Chevrolet couldn't afford it. | ||
| They bankrupt the company. | ||
| Sons of bitches should have made some better cars. | ||
| It's what I was talking about. | ||
| They should have made all Corvettes. | ||
| They should have thrown all those other shitboxes out and everybody would have had Corvettes. | ||
| Just make more, cheaper. | ||
| It wasn't even that their product was so bad and they're making really good products now. | ||
| It's that they can't afford their retirement pool. | ||
| And by the way, the same thing goes for almost every county in this fucking great state of ours, California. | ||
| California, economically, looks a lot like Greece. | ||
| And you know who told me that? | ||
| Arnold Schwarzenegger. | ||
| But you know, I also read that in Michael Lewis' book. | ||
| He did an exhaustive study on it. | ||
| California... | ||
| Do you think Michael Lewis gets any pussy? | ||
| Or is he just out there studying numbers? | ||
| He's so smart. | ||
| Just looking at numbers. | ||
| He's kind of a cool, from what I've seen pictures, he's kind of like a regular looking, pretty cool looking dude. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people write huge books and get laid all the time. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| I hate them. | ||
| Those sons of bitches. | ||
| At least I'm funnier. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hope. | |
| You hope? | ||
| I hope. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| I'm sure you are. | ||
| It's always good to be around people who you're a little in awe of, who just are better at some shit. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| It's important to be around people that are good at shit too. | ||
| Smarter. | ||
| You know, I did San Francisco and Seattle this past weekend. | ||
| We did it with Brian and Greg Fitzsimmons. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons is fucking funny, man. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| He's always been funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, dude. | |
| He's always been funny, but he's got this new level of I don't give a fuck that I haven't seen from him before. | ||
| He took it to the next level this weekend. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| This past weekend was awesome. | ||
| He was really funny in Seattle, too. | ||
| How much time did he do? | ||
| Like a half hour. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah, it was awesome. | ||
| Killer. | ||
| It's just like my style of comedy that I enjoy watching. | ||
| Just like really ridiculous, rude, honest, hilarious, descriptive. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| There's certain types of music. | ||
| If you go to a club to see music, it's never just live music and you take a guess as whether or not it's going to be hip-hop or country-western. | ||
| But with stand-up comedy, we don't really have genres. | ||
| You could call someone a shock comic, which is derogatory, really, to a lot of folks. | ||
| But meanwhile, my favorite comics would be classified in the shock comic category. | ||
| Like Dice Clay... | ||
| Call him a shock comic. | ||
| I think he creates ridiculous scenarios that are disgusting and hilarious. | ||
| A lot of us think but don't say. | ||
| By the way, it's a fucking work of art. | ||
| He's a character. | ||
| His name isn't even Andrew Dice Clay. | ||
| He's made a character. | ||
| He does it on stage. | ||
| He's got giant glasses on. | ||
| And he says ridiculous shit. | ||
| You can't just diminish that by calling it shock comedy. | ||
| Because to me, it's not. | ||
| It's a style of comedy. | ||
| It's a legit style. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But we don't have labels. | ||
| There's certain types of comedy where... | ||
| You and I were talking also about what a privilege it is to be a headliner and to be somebody who gets to perform all over the country. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| Sometimes I look out, I was in Miami, like Fort Lauderdale, and at one point I just had him going pretty strong. | ||
| And I just looked at him and I was like, I felt like the luckiest human being in the fucking world. | ||
| That's why when I watch Matt McConaughey... | ||
| In fucking Magic Mike. | ||
| In his fucking leather chest girdle. | ||
| And his fucking... | ||
| His hot pants. | ||
| And he's coming off stage after dancing. | ||
| Hey, y'all. | ||
| How y'all doing? | ||
| Yeah, I did it! | ||
| Hey, hey, Yoker boy. | ||
| Come fucking do ten minutes of stand-up, you fucking idiot. | ||
| I don't jump off stage like, I just did an hour and a half and crushed him. | ||
| Somebody hug me hard so I can kiss your mouth. | ||
| What is this animosity? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anger from Matt. | |
| I'm attracted to him, alright? | ||
| Expressing me. | ||
| I mean, I hate him. | ||
| Touch you in Malibu? | ||
| No, I was just thinking about how, you know, you're an actor and you have five scenes in a movie and you're like, whoa, you were great in that movie. | ||
| You collectively are probably doing 10 or 15 minutes of actual activity, whereas when you do stand-up, you're up there for, you know, it's just a different, it's just a different thing. | ||
| It feels, it feels... | ||
| Well, why would you care, though, that he wants to... | ||
| Because I hate him so much. | ||
| What does it matter? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| No, I just saw the movie and I was just looking at him going, you took this movie just so you could wear those outfits. | ||
| He gave you the biggest boner, didn't he? | ||
| He did. | ||
| If I was gay, I would definitely... | ||
| He's a very attractive man. | ||
| Which one would you choose out of the Magic Mike? | ||
| Oh, Channing Tatum. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's my boyfriend. | ||
| You kidding? | ||
| He's got a full mouth. | ||
| He's got the best genetics. | ||
| He's got thick lips. | ||
| He's got nice skin. | ||
| The eyes on him? | ||
| The cat eyes? | ||
| He seems confident, too. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| I bet he's got a big cock. | ||
| Sense of humor. | ||
| Jesus, we're both really suddenly Joe Rogan and Brian Callen, gay as it gets, talking about Channing Tatum's cock. | ||
| So did you watch the actual whole movie? | ||
| The way you just said that, by the way, that just came out of you. | ||
| You just went, I bet he's got a big cock. | ||
| Bet he's got a big cock. | ||
| Did you watch the actual whole movie? | ||
| Yeah, because I wanted to annoy myself more and more. | ||
| Although I thought the movie was good and I liked Channing Tatum. | ||
| I mean, I had my hands. | ||
| That movie looked so gay that I was flipping through the channels. | ||
| I was flipping through the channels and I saw it. | ||
| It popped up and I went... | ||
| Whoa, change it quick. | ||
| Like, you know how you're flipping through, like, you have preview and the next preview? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Like, at a hotel. | ||
| I was chilling in a hotel. | ||
| And I was like, this is so gay. | ||
| I gotta get it off. | ||
| Like, dudes were, like, gyrating back and forth. | ||
| Which, by the way, I don't think women like that. | ||
| I think that motion is really just isolated as someone riding dicks. | ||
| I don't think that gyrating, like, the way a guy's doing it. | ||
| Women like thrusting. | ||
| They like to get fucked. | ||
| They don't... | ||
| They want you, you're a dick rider, you dick riding circle man. | ||
| Dick riding sweaty circle man. | ||
| And McConaughey's doing, he's got a fucking leather thong and he's doing back bends and shit. | ||
| But the character, I was watching, what bothered me was I was watching, I go, you know, as an actor, if I took that role, there's a lot I'd do with that role maybe, but I wouldn't because there's not a lot to do. | ||
| Like he played it just one note. | ||
| Shut the fuck up, bitch. | ||
| You would take that role in a goddamn heartbeat. | ||
| Well, I gotta, I gotta. | ||
| You and Channing Tatum in your underwear. | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| That guy would be your boyfriend. | ||
| He'd be carried around like he was crossing the wedding nuptial line. | ||
| Yeah, but I would look like I have fucking rickets next to that guy, so I don't want to do that. | ||
| You would do the movie with him, though, dude. | ||
| You would do it. | ||
| So shut the fuck up. | ||
| You're giving Matthew McConaughey a hard time, and you're doing the movie. | ||
| Maybe he just wanted to meet Channing Tatum, too. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Just tell us about it. | ||
| Matthew, I'm sorry, brother. | ||
| I don't mean to put you down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've got a point there. | |
| Seems like a nice enough guy, Matthew McConaughey. | ||
| I hear he's a very nice guy. | ||
| Yeah, I hear he's a nice guy, too. | ||
| Doesn't mean he's not really vain and annoying. | ||
| Well, listen, man. | ||
| He's playing a part. | ||
| If you judged me based on the movie Zookeeper, you'd think I was a total douchebag who can dance. | ||
| He does push-ups in front of the fucking pavilions in Malibu. | ||
| He does? | ||
| Yeah, with his shirt off. | ||
| No, he doesn't. | ||
| Yeah, he does. | ||
| If I see you and you're doing push-ups in front of the pavilion in Malibu, I'm going to take your back. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I'm going to take you back and I'm going to get the hooks in, my friend. | ||
| Or just kick him in the ribs. | ||
| He can scream all you want. | ||
| You shouldn't have been doing push-ups with your shirt off. | ||
| With a knapsack on? | ||
| You're not allowed to do that. | ||
| With a knapsack on and a bandana while tourists take pictures of you? | ||
| Is that what he was doing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That annoys me. | ||
| He wanted to be really fit for this movie. | ||
| Maybe it was something he was working on. | ||
| What kind of exhibitionist... | ||
| Could he become? | ||
| Because he was playing a part in a movie, man. | ||
| Did you murder Heath Ledger? | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| Look, think about what's-his-name does when he does Daniel Day-Lewis, when he gets immersed in a role. | ||
| Yeah, he's amazing. | ||
| I mean, he's unbelievably immersive. | ||
| Maybe that's what Matthew McConaughey was doing, was just being a douchebag. | ||
| Don't agree. | ||
| He's playing a douchebag in a movie, man, and that's douchebag activity. | ||
| The role isn't so much of a douchebag. | ||
| The role is more of a, just like, he's supposed to be the club owner, but you'll see what I mean. | ||
| Would it be okay if he did push-ups in a place where nobody could see? | ||
| Like say if there was like some grass in front of his car and nobody could see and he dropped down for a quick 50? | ||
| No, here's what bothers me. | ||
| Are you okay with that? | ||
| Here's what bothers me. | ||
| Yes, there I am. | ||
| But here's what bothers me. | ||
| If you work out just for the sake of vanity and then when I see what you're doing is you're just sculpting for it to be a peacock... | ||
| I understand. | ||
| I get staying in shape. | ||
| There's something about it. | ||
| If it's not for something functional, if it's not for something that you're doing, I immediately, I'm just saying, you can do it. | ||
| You're not my friend. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| You're not my fucking friend. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| What about a guy who's just doing bench presses and curls, never touches the legs, just wants to look good in a tight shirt? | ||
| But if he's doing it, you know why I like that? | ||
| Why I got no problem with that? | ||
| He's doing it so he can go out and get laid on a Saturday night. | ||
| Fucking A. God bless you. | ||
| What do you think Matthew McConaughey's doing when he's wearing leather underwear doing back pants? | ||
| He's doing it so he can fucking get the dailies and jerk off to himself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| That's why he's fucking doing it. | ||
| And there's a difference. | ||
| When I see Matt McConaughey doing a role like that in Magic Mike, all I'm seeing is something masturbatory. | ||
| I watch Channing Tatum. | ||
| He's trying to do something. | ||
| He's actually playing a character who's fucking conflicted about being a 30-year-old stripper, and it's fucking great. | ||
| McConaughey, it's a masturbatory performance. | ||
| He's watching himself. | ||
| He's not trying to do anything. | ||
| He's not trying to express anything. | ||
| Well, how do you know? | ||
| That's what he's trying to play. | ||
| I mean, the guy is showing a pretty broad range of acting. | ||
| I don't agree. | ||
| I don't agree! | ||
| I don't agree! | ||
| You fuck! | ||
| Go marry him! | ||
| I don't want to marry him, but he was really good in contact. | ||
| What the hell is going on here? | ||
| He was alright. | ||
| He was good in contact. | ||
| I enjoyed him. | ||
| I thought he was sensitive. | ||
| He's not without talent. | ||
| I thought he really seemed like the type of guy that would fall in love with Jodie Foster. | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| I can't believe he just brought that in. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| It's amazing that even after all those years, he still has such a great body. | ||
| He looks phenomenal. | ||
| He looks phenomenal. | ||
| I mean, he's got his hair, his skin is really youthful. | ||
| Hair's probably fake. | ||
| They just probably glue some hair out. | ||
| Maybe there's a lot that's fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| Magic Mike? | ||
| Here's Magic Mike. | ||
| But this isn't McConaughey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Watch him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good. | |
| Because I do. | ||
| There's your boy. | ||
| There's your boo-boo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's awesome. | |
| The businesses that I manage, they deal exclusively in cash. | ||
| He's got a great sense of humor, too. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| That's son of a bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mike has fans. | |
| Watch him dance, though. | ||
| That's him doing it, too. | ||
| You are that dreamboat guy that never came along. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a cool table. | |
| Are you a major? | ||
| You should sell these things. | ||
| That's actually the idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you know my brother? | |
| I'm an entrepreneur. | ||
| I manage a few businesses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Try to hit on my sister. | |
| Okay, good talk. | ||
| Entrepreneur stripper or stripper entrepreneur? | ||
| Either one. | ||
| I was hoping this was all a joke. | ||
| It's pretty funny. | ||
| I'm just trying to figure out why stripping. | ||
| Women, money, and a good time. | ||
| Just try not to forget about the people who exist in the daylight. | ||
| The non-vampire. | ||
| Are we fighting? | ||
| Is this our first fight? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Is he a stripper with a heart of gold? | ||
| He sure is. | ||
| I think that's what's going on here. | ||
| Man, dude, is that Channing Tatum? | ||
| Oh, it's Joe Rogan. | ||
| That was so weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just can't be around your lifestyle. | |
| Am I Magic Mike right now talking to you? | ||
| This might be Roadhouse, Joe. | ||
| This is the new Roadhouse. | ||
| It's actually an okay movie, man. | ||
| Brian, you just turned gayer than this whole movie. | ||
| You just went gayer than gay marriage. | ||
| There's Matt! | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Oh my god, he does that Kiss Me song? | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's it? | ||
| I want to see more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't want to know what I have to do for 20s. | |
| Oh, I get it. | ||
| You suck a cock. | ||
| You know, that's what really goes on with those guys. | ||
| Look at the body of this kid. | ||
| Damn, what a handsome bastard. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He's about 6'1", too. | ||
| Look at the back on him. | ||
| Strapping beast of a man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Played college football, I think. | ||
| Strapping fucking athlete. | ||
| Who the fuck would... | ||
| Why did you watch that? | ||
| I don't know what happened to you. | ||
| You dropped on your head when you went hunting. | ||
| Did you slip? | ||
| Mrs. Callen wanted to watch it. | ||
| Oh, Mrs. Callen wanted to watch it. | ||
| I was like, alright. | ||
| He's Wow. | ||
| I might have to get high and watch it, but I'll probably get really scared. | ||
| I'll probably have to get my blankie. | ||
| You get a little jealous. | ||
| You better be inside of a pussy when you watch it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| I don't have that kind of stamina anymore. | ||
| Neither do I. Or desire. | ||
| Or chaos. | ||
| I was about to say. | ||
| Or will. | ||
| That's why you need these jokes. | ||
| I got tricked early on in life, but I figured it out now. | ||
| I'm fine just beating off and then going about my business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my. | |
| Dude, you gotta take one of these pills. | ||
| Yeah, what is this stuff you took? | ||
| It's Hot Rod 5000. Throw that shit over here. | ||
| And I took one last night when I got home. | ||
| What's in it? | ||
| I can't read this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's too small. | |
| It's something extracted from ants, so I guess... | ||
| What? | ||
| Well, I don't know why. | ||
| Something in ants make your... | ||
| You have hard-ons, and maybe you just don't know that ants have rock-hard boners the whole time. | ||
| Look at this label. | ||
| Look at what it is. | ||
| I guarantee you, this is probably some fucking prescription drugs that they just repackaged. | ||
| It's marketed towards the gay community, I heard. | ||
| I bet you could get Viagra. | ||
| I'm not saying it is. | ||
| But what if it was? | ||
| Is it possible that you could get Viagra, like bulk Viagra? | ||
| Because they have generic, whatever it's called. | ||
| Modafinil or whatever the fuck, the actual chemical. | ||
| I think it's interesting that the label is so tiny that you can't even read it. | ||
| You can't read what the fuck's in there. | ||
| So you think there's some kind of prescription thing in there? | ||
| I just wouldn't trust it. | ||
| They definitely found that with athletic supplements. | ||
| They definitely found that. | ||
| There's been a lot of athletic tainting where you take some shit and it actually has steroids in it. | ||
| There was some stuff that they used to sell that's illegal now. | ||
| That Andro shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there was a thing called Mag-10 that I took, and holy shit, it was unbelievably strong. | ||
| And you could get it at GNC. I was fucking so strong when I was taking that stuff. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Just buy it. | ||
| Was it Decanable or something? | ||
| I don't know what the fuck it was. | ||
| But it was, essentially, it was an oral steroid. | ||
| I mean, it had an effect of a steroid. | ||
| And you can get it at GNC for a little while. | ||
| They used to have GHB at GNC. I know. | ||
| I remember seeing that shit. | ||
| It was in a refrigerator. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But it was the biggest, I mean, it just wouldn't go away. | ||
| Like, I would masturbate, and then just be another boner, and I'd have to masturbate again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's amazing. | |
| It was just crazy. | ||
| That sounds like it's just as good as Viagra. | ||
| Yeah, it was really good. | ||
| Were you watching Magic Mind? | ||
| No. | ||
| It was just a coincidence. | ||
| It was odd that I had a boner. | ||
| Well, I mean, the only thing that they could be doing is maybe it has some nitric oxide effect. | ||
| I mean, that's the idea behind, like, those... | ||
| It opens up your... | ||
| The NO2 pills? | ||
| Your capillaries? | ||
| Yeah, Brody said that gave him crazy boners. | ||
| Yeah, that gives you boners. | ||
| Yeah, that has a very Viagra-like effect. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Those nitric oxide drinks. | ||
| You know those drinks like NO2 explode and shit? | ||
| Which might be illegal now. | ||
| Explode? | ||
| Frothy Explosions? | ||
| Yeah, maybe that's what I'm talking about. | ||
| Frothy Loads. | ||
| There was some other stuff called Jack 3D. One of those is off the market now. | ||
| One of them they yanked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it was Jack 3D. Jack sounds like it should be yanked. | ||
| Dude, I used to take that stuff before I lifted and I'd just fucking start sweating immediately. | ||
| Your heart's pounding, sweating, like... | ||
| I'm waiting for them to... | ||
| I want them to block the myostatin in my fucking muscles. | ||
| No, you don't want to do that, man. | ||
| You look like that artificial you that they used for your ad for your comedy special. | ||
| You holding the mic up in the air. | ||
| I had to blow my arms in my... | ||
| They look like Dean Lister's arms. | ||
| I want them to be bigger, because it looked like it would have been just more stupid. | ||
| Because they're like, we can't... | ||
| Look, it doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Look at your head. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You don't have the framework for this. | ||
| I have a narrow head. | ||
| It's weird when you see people that have big parts of their bodies and then everything else is normal. | ||
| Well, Brendan Schaub's a little bit like that. | ||
| Brendan's got a small... | ||
| He's got a head that fits on me, but he's 6'5", 250. And I was looking at his head and I go, dude, you have a fucking... | ||
| His hands and his head are not very big. | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| Did he say that so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like, yeah, I know. | ||
| I got a small fucking head and I got a small... | ||
| I got a small head. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Because the rest of his body is retarded. | ||
| He's so fucking strong. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird when people get like, is the worst the biggest head when you have a big head and a little body? | ||
| Is that the worst? | ||
| Well, a lot of stars have that. | ||
| A big head and a little body? | ||
| Yeah, like Mick Jagger and shit. | ||
| He's got a big head and a little body. | ||
| He's got a huge head. | ||
| He's got a giant head. | ||
| He's 130 pounds. | ||
| Well, your head keeps growing. | ||
| Your nose keeps growing. | ||
| Your ears keep growing. | ||
| That's the weirdest thing when you see old people and they have gigantic ears. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You're like, whoa, what is going on with your ears, man? | ||
| It keeps fucking growing. | ||
| A large nose, though, for some reason is not as disturbing. | ||
| Because some people, from the get-go, they have a large nose. | ||
| It's just a nose. | ||
| It's a masculine trait, too. | ||
| The ears, though, it's like, what is happening to your ears? | ||
| Can you stop those with ear guards? | ||
| Because that shit is worse than... | ||
| Can you bind your ears, sir? | ||
| What if you're an old dude with cauliflower ear? | ||
| I mean, you look like a fucking elephant. | ||
| Well, fucking Gene LaBelle. | ||
| You ever seen Gene LaBelle? | ||
| Gene LaBelle's ears are so big that the sun never hits his face. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck is with those ears? | ||
| He's got a giant head. | ||
| He's 80. He's 80. Yeah, he's an older gentleman. | ||
| I wouldn't want him getting me in a fucking double wrist lock. | ||
| At 80, he'll break your fucking wrist. | ||
| There was a story about some kids breaking into a car in this neighborhood just fucking 10 years ago or whatever, when he's 70 years old. | ||
| And he went out to stop them and they gave him a hard time. | ||
| He put one of them to sleep, the other one he flips on his head. | ||
| He's no joke, dude. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's a certain old man you can't fuck with, man. | ||
| You couldn't fuck with him when he was young. | ||
| He was a stunt guy on Death Valley, the TV show I did. | ||
| And I'm in the makeup chair, and I'm pontificating about fighting. | ||
| In the makeup chair? | ||
| The blue belt in jiu-jitsu, I'm talking about, well, the guy's going to beat him in this UFC fight, and I'm going on and on. | ||
| I'm basically Joe Rogan Light in the fucking trailer, but I don't know as much, and I'm being a fucking... | ||
| If you'd heard me talk, you'd have been like, was this guy fighting the octagon? | ||
| A little knowledge goes a long way. | ||
| Fucking Gene LaBelle starts piping in, but he's got zombie makeup on. | ||
| And I go, ah, you seem to know fighting a little bit. | ||
| And the other stuntman goes, it's Gene LaBelle, bro. | ||
| And I go, holy shit, Mr. LaBelle, I'm so sorry. | ||
| I've been talking about fighting this whole time. | ||
| And I was glued to his side for three days. | ||
| Like a little puppy. | ||
| Like a puppy dog. | ||
| Asked him questions and everything. | ||
| He's a sweetheart of a guy, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He judges, does a lot of judging. | ||
| Oh, does he? | ||
| You see him at MMA events, and he's always with Ronda Rousey. | ||
| She's a bad, badass chick. | ||
| Does she work out with him or something? | ||
| Well, I'm sure this year he's done some working out with her. | ||
| He's worked with a lot of those Armenian dudes, the go-karts guys. | ||
| What a group of fucking animals. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| Oh yeah, Karo, Manny Gamburian. | ||
| You told me you're one of the strongest shit, right? | ||
| Karo. | ||
| Karo's ridiculously strong. | ||
| Karo Parisian? | ||
| This was back when I think I was a blue belt or a purple belt. | ||
| He just ragdolled me. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He throwed me around. | ||
| He throwed me around. | ||
| He's strong as shit. | ||
| Well, you know, Karo beat Sokuju in a fucking judo match when he was a kid. | ||
| Sokuju is so much bigger than Karo. | ||
| And they had an open weight judo match and Karo beat him. | ||
| Some people are weird strong that way. | ||
| Kyle was just super talented at judo, too. | ||
| He had a real bad injury, though. | ||
| When he was training for the Matt Hughes fight, you know, Kyle had a bunch of, he's another dude that had a bunch of prescription pill problems. | ||
| And what happened was he tore his leg when he was training for a title shot back when Matt Hughes was champion. | ||
| And he tore it bad. | ||
| He flexes it. | ||
| When he flexes it now, it looks like a shark took a bite out of his leg. | ||
| And I'm not exaggerating. | ||
| His hamstring just disappeared, exploded, and he never got it surgically repaired. | ||
| So he's got this big concave area in his leg, and it took most of the power out of his leg. | ||
| And he got him on pain pills. | ||
| He didn't have health insurance or something? | ||
| Well, I mean, I don't know what it was. | ||
| I'm sure he didn't have health insurance. | ||
| Or maybe he tried to rehab it. | ||
| I'm pretty sure he didn't have insurance. | ||
| So now I don't know if there's anything they can do about it. | ||
| I think once the muscle slides back and rolls up, I think it's really hard to reattach it. | ||
| I think they have to do it right after the injury. | ||
| I know that's the case with biceps. | ||
| A lot of dudes, they blow their bicep out, and then they have no bicep. | ||
| Have you seen that before? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A lot of fighters have that, where it curls up, and the top of their bicep is like a little knot, and then below it, there's nothing left. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| Yeah, and that's what it's like with his legs. | ||
| So it kind of fucked his career up. | ||
| You know, when you're making your living off your body... | ||
| Well, the other thing about training, you know, as you get older, and a lot of guys who have been training a long time, you want to go in and blow yourself to bits in the gym. | ||
| Actually, what happens is, by the time you're 40, a lot of times, You're having major problems with your hips or your knees and stuff like that. | ||
| So a huge part of exercise is knowing when to stop and doing just enough. | ||
| If you look at people's bodies, like athletes and stuff, you realize no matter how strong they are, we are fucking fragile, man. | ||
| Bone and cartilage doesn't really do well under duress. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's just certain parts of your body that break. | ||
| You know, there's nothing you can do about it. | ||
| Knees, hips. | ||
| Hips, ankles, you know, certain shit that just breaks down, man. | ||
| I see a lot of people with hip surgery, man. | ||
| That's scary fucking shit. | ||
| Dude, hip surgery sucks because when you get a fake hip, it's good for 10 years. | ||
| Yeah, that's ridiculous. | ||
| And you're not doing sports anymore. | ||
| And, by the way... | ||
| if they come out with some shit that grows you a better hip joint now you can't do it anymore yeah cuz you've hacked your shit off and put an artificial one in there well they're gonna have artificial bones artificial I mean have any already replaced like femurs and stuff or I don't know if it's a femur but I believe they were they've replaced part maybe it what's the big one is a fib in the tibula well they there are a couple people there are a number of people left I'm who have re built literally the trachea is and bladders | ||
| They take the cartilage from a cadaver. | ||
| Our new sponsor, Cricket. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's a cricket. | ||
| It's a real cricket? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's funny. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want me to try to find it? | ||
| I'll try to find it. | ||
| Yeah, try to find it. | ||
| You probably won't find it. | ||
| Brian will tell you. | ||
| Well, I was in the Mugabe Desert. | ||
| Well, I was going to say. | ||
| As soon as you get up, you stop twitching. | ||
| Try some raw hamburger. | ||
| Let it go rank. | ||
| But, uh, what was I talking about? | ||
| Something really important. | ||
| What were you talking about? | ||
| Now you're looking for it and it's shut up. | ||
| That cunty cricket. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That cunty cricket. | |
| Injuries, the body, recovering from sports. | ||
| Yeah, they took a trachea. | ||
| This woman, her trachea had to be removed because of tuberculosis. | ||
| And then they took a trachea from a cadaver and they sprayed it with her stem cells. | ||
| And she grew a trachea and now she has it in her body. | ||
| What happens is I believe that the cartilage then is taken over by the stem cells and they grow their own cartilage. | ||
| So she grew her own trachea. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| And they did the same thing with bladders. | ||
| Well, you know when you grow, when you have an ACL surgery and you use a cadaver ACL graft, it basically just acts as a scaffolding. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then your body develops. | ||
| For your cells to build over it? | ||
| Yeah, a real ACL over it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| So as you do your rehab and your exercises, your body is assimilating that tissue and taking it over with its own. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So in the beginning, it's just like, it's not really scaffolding. | ||
| I just want them to grow new limbs and stuff, new fucking legs for people who lose their fucking limbs. | ||
| Well, people think that it was replaced. | ||
| They think, well, now I got this new ligament. | ||
| It's in place, and I just got to strengthen it. | ||
| Like, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It's got to grow there. | ||
| Well, that's what George St. Pierre was talking about is ACL. You feel 100%, but the capillaries and stuff… He didn't do it that way. | ||
| He did a different thing. | ||
| He did a different thing. | ||
| He did what's called a patella tendon graft, and that I did on my left leg. | ||
| And what that is, you know that tendon in the front of your knee? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And this is one of the arguments for doing this. | ||
| The tendon in front of your knee is really big. | ||
| It's really fat. | ||
| You don't need all of it. | ||
| So they take like a third of it, and they have a piece of bone from your shin where it attaches, and a piece of bone from your kneecap where it attaches there. | ||
| And then they open you up like a fish, and then they screw it into the bottom of your leg. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they screw it into the top. | ||
| What do they screw in? | ||
| Screw the bone into your... | ||
| They drill a hole in your leg and then they screw the bone into place. | ||
| I have screws in the bottom of my knee and in the top of my knee on the left side that show up in x-rays. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, and then it's just a matter of getting circulation to that tissue and letting that tissue heal up and regenerate. | ||
| That's what he was talking about. | ||
| He said he had to wait until the circulation of the capillaries kind of formed. | ||
| Yes, it's a long process. | ||
| And you also have to make sure that during that process you don't re-injure yourself because you still essentially have no ACL on that side. | ||
| It's this wobbly piece of flesh. | ||
| When was the last time he fought? | ||
| George, it's been a while. | ||
| He injured his leg at least nine months ago. | ||
| And, you know, he's ready for November. | ||
|
unidentified
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When is Nick eligible to come back? | |
| Because I know weed is a performance-enhancing drug. | ||
| I know it's an improvement. | ||
| He didn't even test positive for weed, man. | ||
| He tested positive. | ||
| Man. | ||
| He didn't listen, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This fucking popo is on his ass. | |
| He tested positive for a marijuana metabolite, which is non-psychoactive. | ||
| So what he had in his system, like say if he only took this marijuana metabolite, like took it in a pill form, it wouldn't do anything. | ||
| It literally is non-psychoactive. | ||
| You can't get high from it. | ||
| So the idea of marijuana as a performing, it's an enhancing drug with this non-psychoactive trace element inside your body is just silly. | ||
| Because he wasn't even... | ||
| It's one thing if he tested that he was high when he was fighting. | ||
| Okay, and by the way, that has happened. | ||
| When he fought Gomi, they did a test. | ||
| I don't know if he was actually high when he fought Gomi, but he probably got high the day before. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Fucking great. | ||
| That was a great fight, too. | ||
| He caught Gomi in that gogoblata. | ||
| Oh, that was so sweet. | ||
| You know, he's so calm, under fire, man. | ||
| He sets that shit up and slapped it on Gomi. | ||
| That was a big, big victory to him. | ||
| He can tap into some anger, but that controlled anger, like, somehow? | ||
| That frown? | ||
| The thing is about his pace. | ||
| Nick Diaz has this crazy pace that he can keep going. | ||
| So other dudes, as you're in this wild dogfight with him, they wear out. | ||
| And he just keeps going. | ||
| Well, that's kind of why I'd like to see Cain Velasquez fight fucking Jon Jones. | ||
| Well, Cain's going to fight Junior Dos Santos. | ||
| That's the next fight. | ||
| He got stopped the first time. | ||
| Yes, he did. | ||
| They're fighting in July. | ||
| Is that because Junior Dos Anz is a better boxer? | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, Junior caught him. | ||
| I mean, it's just what it is. | ||
| I mean, they said that Junior had a knee injury. | ||
| Kane definitely had a knee injury. | ||
| They fought on Fox, and Kane stood up with him a little bit too long, and Junior just winged a bomb at him and caught him right in the temple and dropped him. | ||
| Well, the problem is when you're not wearing gloves, and those guys, when you guys hit that hard, I don't care what your head looks like. | ||
| You're going out. | ||
| Yeah, well, Junior punches fucking hard. | ||
| He punches hard. | ||
| And he swung that one. | ||
| They're fighting again January, the January 1st weekend. | ||
| I think it's December 29th, the big event in Vegas. | ||
| It should be fucking crazy. | ||
| And that's the rematch. | ||
| Because everybody thought before that fight that Junior Dos Santos was going to be, you know... | ||
| A top fighter, you know, they definitely thought, you know, that he had a chance of winning that fight. | ||
| But Kane was the favorite. | ||
| You know, Kane was the guy that everybody felt like. | ||
| After he destroyed Brock Lesnar, everybody was like, goddamn, Kane Velasquez might be the best ever. | ||
| What a fucking heavyweight. | ||
| What a destroyer. | ||
| But Junior just changed the whole course of the heavyweight title picture with one punch. | ||
| You know, and now... | ||
| Everybody's scared of Junior. | ||
| He's so hard to take down. | ||
| He's so hard to take down. | ||
| His hands are so good. | ||
| Didn't he? | ||
| He took care of Shane Carwin as well, right? | ||
| He beat the fuck out of Shane Carwin, man. | ||
| Shane Carwin took that fight, too, coming off of injuries. | ||
| Shane has had a succession of injuries. | ||
| He's also a full-time electrical engineer. | ||
| Super nice guy, too. | ||
| Smart, great guy. | ||
| Super cool, smart, great guy. | ||
| He's an ox strong. | ||
| Stupid strong. | ||
| He picked me up in a bear hug and started squeezing me. | ||
| And I was like, because I always fuck with him. | ||
| I'm grabbing him. | ||
| I'm going, I'll fucking arm drag you and pepper your ribs or whatever. | ||
| He's such a giant. | ||
| We tried to arm wrestle. | ||
| He picks me up. | ||
| He starts squeezing me. | ||
| And I start immediately tapping. | ||
| And he goes, that's 40%, bro. | ||
| And I look at Nate Markhorst right there. | ||
| And I go, could he do that to you? | ||
| And Nate goes, if I let him, yes, he could. | ||
| Yeah, he's a spooky dude. | ||
| He's got some serious strength. | ||
| He had a long, you know, series of injuries that he got from football. | ||
| Quite a few. | ||
| And he's had some surgeries to sort of clear up some of the issues. | ||
| But when that stuff starts fucking with you, man, you know, especially back and nerve issues, he's had a lot of that. | ||
| That is very hard to recover from. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think he's probably smart to keep that full-time job, you know? | ||
| I mean, he likes working, too. | ||
| He says it separates... | ||
| Loves his family, likes working. | ||
| He says the work sort of separates him from the gym time and lets him completely relax and get into his work. | ||
| It allows him not to dwell on it like some fighters just have the whole day to themselves. | ||
| He's got such a good sense of humor. | ||
| I did a little guest spot on... | ||
| The Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| And I came in. | ||
| And at one point, when I first met him, I go, fuck. | ||
| I go, I don't know what I'd do. | ||
| Like, what would I do with you if you were my roommate in prison? | ||
| Like, what would I do against you? | ||
| And he goes, you'd suck my cock. | ||
| You know those eyes? | ||
| He just did nothing blinking. | ||
| He just looked at me. | ||
| You'd suck my cock. | ||
| I was like, Jesus Christ, I guess I would. | ||
| Maybe you'd just try to talk him out of it. | ||
| I'd have to figure out a way to make a 6'1", 285-pound fighter my type. | ||
| Just talk him out of it. | ||
| Just tell him how bad you are at sucking cock, how bad your breath smells. | ||
| Exactly, look. | ||
| Yeah, what if you just, okay, and just took a poo in your hand and rubbed it all over your mouth. | ||
| You still want some of this? | ||
| That's what I would do. | ||
| Bitch, you want me to suck your shitty dick? | ||
| Would you rather eat your own poo or suck Shane Carlin's dick? | ||
| Well, you'd probably be... | ||
| He's a celebrity. | ||
| You'd probably be healthier to suck his dick. | ||
| Think of, like, eating poo is really dangerous for your health. | ||
| You get hepatitis from one and just, you know, a shitty self-esteem from the other. | ||
| Yo, Brian, we're gonna have to hire someone to kill that fucking cricket. | ||
| I'll just bring my cat over here. | ||
| Your cat's not good enough with that cricket. | ||
| That cricket's a gangster. | ||
| He's a Pasadena cricket. | ||
| Don't make fake noises, too, you fuck. | ||
| Does it make you feel like you guys are camping again? | ||
| No, there was no bugs. | ||
| It's too cold for bugs, man. | ||
| Yeah, there was no bugs at all. | ||
| We were out in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| If we go to, I was thinking about this, if we go in August to Alaska and hunt caribou, what about grizzly bears? | ||
| Yeah, that's a possibility. | ||
| They'd encountered them this last, they went hunting with Tim Ferriss. | ||
| Who, by the way, was returning to the podcast, I believe, on the 18th. | ||
| Powerful Tim Ferriss. | ||
| I want to get him on my podcast. | ||
| He's not available. | ||
| He's doing mine, though, on the 18th. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn it. | |
| Sorry. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| It's always about Brian. | ||
| He's got to bring it back to himself. | ||
| Always got to bring it back to me. | ||
| He's like, I want to get him on my podcast. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Piggybacking your family. | ||
| They went in August. | ||
| They went caribou hunting. | ||
| He went with Rinella and they shot a caribou. | ||
| But apparently, yeah, they had to chase grizzly bears out of camp. | ||
| Seriously? | ||
| Yeah, because what was happening was the caribou, you find them when they run in these big herds, okay? | ||
| You go out and stalk them and you find them. | ||
| Well, there's campgrounds. | ||
| And some of the caribou had gone through the places where people were camping. | ||
| So the folks that were there before them had shot caribou in that camp. | ||
| Campground. | ||
| So in the campground, smelled like butchered flesh. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| They had gut piles. | ||
| They had animals hanging from meat. | ||
| So when they got there, that night, the grizzly bears came. | ||
| So they had to scare them off. | ||
| They had to run at them and shoot at them. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| That was one of the first things that you and I talked about. | ||
| That's a big man-eating dog. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Before, we were so apprehensive about this trip. | ||
| Both Brian and I were both like, fucking, what about bears, dude? | ||
| You worried about bears? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I called him up. | ||
| He was, I was just fucking thinking about bears. | ||
| Because as it got down to like the last couple weeks, we were like, we're really going to go camping with these crazy animals in the middle of nowhere? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you glad you did it? | ||
| Also, you're in a tent and you can't protect yourself. | ||
| You can't see it coming. | ||
| Especially since the first night was freezing rain. | ||
| The first night was 35 degrees outside and we were sleeping in this pouring rain. | ||
| Yeah, then it got down to 12 degrees. | ||
| Hey, how you doing? | ||
| On that boat. | ||
| We were fucking on a canoe for four hours. | ||
| I was literally wearing a sleeping bag. | ||
| I was fucking cold. | ||
| It was cold as shit. | ||
| But I used it as an exercise. | ||
| The rowing part, I just rowed as hard as I could. | ||
| I used it as a workout. | ||
| And then the hiking, I just thought of, you know, just control my breathing and use the hiking as an exercise. | ||
| Yeah, when I was moving, there was no problem. | ||
| There was problems when you weren't moving, you know? | ||
| I almost did a workout the day before we left. | ||
| I was sitting around the house. | ||
| I was packing up all my shit. | ||
| I was like, maybe I should just go lift to do a crazy kettlebell workout or something. | ||
| If I did that, I would have been so fucked. | ||
| I had no idea it was going to be so physically demanding. | ||
| I didn't either. | ||
| Those guys, you have to be in serious shape. | ||
| Well, you're canoeing, and then you're hiking, and you've got to pack on your back. | ||
| Packing that meat out, packing that 45 pounds of meat or whatever it was, that was not easy. | ||
| We only had to walk a mile. | ||
| He talked about an elk that they shot, where they got up for four days in a row. | ||
| They got up before it was light, and they got back when it was dark out. | ||
| And all they did was cut and pack this fucking animal. | ||
| Yeah, he said it was so bad that you were looking for an excuse to get out of it, like to hurt yourself or something, you know? | ||
| They walked nine miles both ways every day. | ||
| So they walked 18 miles and brought back meat every day. | ||
| That's a crazy shit in the world. | ||
| Over hills and craggy bluffs. | ||
| Is that a real thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bluffs. | |
| Sounds good. | ||
| Craggy bluffs. | ||
| Sounds good. | ||
| Through the Shrier. | ||
|
unidentified
|
With all sorts of animals following them as they went, looking to the left and to the right at the shining eyes. | |
| By the way, you have to listen. | ||
| If you get a chance, we're posting it. | ||
| I don't know why I'm thinking about this. | ||
| Are you advertising one of your podcasts? | ||
| I swear to God, I'll shut your fucking mic off. | ||
| Well, because you're going like this, you're talking about, for some reason, a character, and you used to do a Mike Tyson. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We do a little interview. | ||
| Who's we? | ||
| We interview Mike Tyson on the 10-Minute Podcast. | ||
| You might want to check it out. | ||
| You actually interviewed him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Where'd you catch him? | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Just fucking listen to it. | ||
| It's only 10 minutes. | ||
| Oh, it's Will Sasso doing a Mike Tyson impression. | ||
| I don't know who it is, but it's fucking... | ||
| Don't do that to me. | ||
| You're fucking lying to me. | ||
| I looked in your eyes. | ||
| I saw deception. | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| I'm not a girl, Brian. | ||
| I look away. | ||
| You can't do this to me. | ||
| I look away. | ||
| You're trying to advertise your podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And this is your figure. | ||
| And the way to do it is to pretend... | ||
| I would never advertise the 10 on a podcast, even though it's hilarious. | ||
| ...to pretend that you really had Mike Tyson on, but you didn't. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| You got a fucking impressionist. | ||
| You used to do a Mike Tyson. | ||
| Can you do it? | ||
| It's not that good. | ||
| It's pretty good. | ||
| I'd have to listen to him talk. | ||
| If I listened to him talk, I could do it. | ||
| I can imitate people when I hear them talk a bunch of times, but I don't practice. | ||
| I'm not a real impressionist. | ||
| Opie and Anthony had... | ||
| What's his face that I was talking about earlier? | ||
| Kevin Pollak, who's brilliant. | ||
| His fucking impressions are ridiculous. | ||
| Have you heard it's Christopher Walken? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That thing just popped and no one even moved. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I don't know what's going on. | ||
| Yeah, we might have to take this bitch apart. | ||
| We've got electrical problems. | ||
| It's the government scanning equipment interfering with our fucking microphones. | ||
| That's gotta be it. | ||
| No sons of bitches. | ||
| Write your own dick jokes. | ||
| Feds. | ||
| Gumshoe. | ||
| Strange. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's funny that we think the government would listen to us when they could just download it on the internet. | ||
| That's how stupid we are. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| They're spying on the show. | ||
| As if they can't just listen. | ||
| They're getting it a couple minutes before. | ||
| It's on Ustream. | ||
| That's what's so funny. | ||
| There's not enough fucking people. | ||
| Those guys have a computer. | ||
| This election's close. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| Are you looking at the fucking tweets and stuff? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's almost half and half, it seems like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Of course. | ||
| That's what makes the fucking... | ||
| That's what makes the plot sound better. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It makes it give it more drama. | ||
| Meanwhile, they're both working for the same people. | ||
| Actually, there's a lot more Romney than I thought. | ||
| Well, white people are mad. | ||
| When we were in Montana, we actually encountered a douchebag at a restaurant that was berating us about Obama as if he knew we were voting for Obama. | ||
| It wasn't just that he wanted us to vote for Romney. | ||
| He was going to intimidate us. | ||
| He was a wick there. | ||
| I was such a fucking yoker. | ||
| Yeah, it was really funny when you go... | ||
| It was a cool little diner. | ||
| It was too bad this guy ruined the experience by being the owner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because the waitress was real nice, the food was great, and we're sitting there... | ||
| Our guide put him in his place, though. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it was interesting. | ||
| We were still dirty from the road, okay? | ||
| We hadn't shaved, we hadn't washed, we hadn't bathed in five days. | ||
| And we were driving from the river to Billings, which is about two and a half hours, and we stopped and got some food at this diner in the middle of fucking nowhere. | ||
| And this dude had like... | ||
| He just walks up and goes, you ain't voting for Obama, are you? | ||
| He killed two of my boys. | ||
| I was like, now I am. | ||
| Yeah, two of my boys. | ||
| They got two of mine, SEAL team, and he had a... | ||
| Marine hat on. | ||
| Yeah, but he had a shrine of the Marines. | ||
| He never did a day in combat. | ||
| You can see those guys. | ||
| You're like, oh, you were the guy who fucking faked an injury when all the other guys were going out. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| Well, who knows what he did. | ||
| That might have been a smart move, to fake an injury. | ||
| I wouldn't give him that much intelligence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, my foot! | |
| My foot! | ||
| Yeah, I'll fucking pull a disc. | ||
| Romney's the projected winner in Georgia. | ||
| That's shocking. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Yeah, Hotlanta and everything. | ||
| There's a lot of white people in Georgia, dude. | ||
| Don't kill yourself. | ||
| Don't kid yourself. | ||
| Georgia's got some money, too. | ||
| I'm down there now and there are a lot of black professionals in Atlanta. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| It's kind of a cool thing to see. | ||
| The hotel I'm staying at is mostly professional black people. | ||
| I think a lot of middle class, upper class black people went down to Atlanta because the economy was there and stuff for them at the time. | ||
| And it's pretty cool, man. | ||
| It looks like a town primarily. | ||
| You see a lot of black people in positions of authority. | ||
| And the movie I'm doing right now is all that. | ||
| And it's really refreshing, man. | ||
| It's kind of a cool... | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| You see that more in Atlanta than anywhere. | ||
| Yeah, Atlanta is very fascinating in that way. | ||
| It's, you know, to be a young black person in this country and look for role models, it's got to be unbelievably hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and to see, like, a guy like Obama get into office and have everybody so fucking mad at him and everybody, like, all these white people just, like, so furious. | ||
| Having said that, though, the people that did elect him were white people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I mean, I voted for him. | ||
| Yeah, like, white people read books, but the white people who don't read books, those white people hate him. | ||
| It's interesting when they listen to, like, I'm not saying that Obama's a saint, and I'm not saying that I'm a supporter, but Because I certainly was a supporter before he got into office. | ||
| But then I think I like him as a human being. | ||
| I like when I listen to him talk. | ||
| He doesn't sound like a dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He sounds like a thoughtful guy. | |
| I think I like him because he strikes me as eminently sensible. | ||
| I don't think he's a socialist. | ||
| The one thing he said, they said, what is the one thing we don't know about you? | ||
| And he said, I believe the free enterprise system is the most important, something to the effect of it's the most important thing for a high standard of living. | ||
| But with checks and balances. | ||
| And so I don't think he is this far left guy. | ||
| I actually think he's very much in the middle and a very sensible guy. | ||
| And I think the more I read about his policies, I happen to agree with his foreign policy vis-a-vis Iran and other places more than I do with Romney. | ||
| I just think he's more reasonable, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's a very smart guy, but the issue is that I can't really... | ||
| I don't really see him being able to do what anybody... | ||
| I don't think there's any one person that has any real say. | ||
| Well, there never has been in our government. | ||
| You're not supposed to, but I know what you're saying. | ||
| But I'm saying it's like all the different things that he wanted to do before he got into office, closed Guantanamo Bay, when he said he would veto the NDAA, all the different things. | ||
| It's so blatantly obvious that... | ||
| The position is not what we envisioned it was when we were kids. | ||
| We thought of being the president. | ||
| This is one guy who's going to figure it all out. | ||
| Everybody get in line. | ||
| We're going to do this the right way. | ||
| And he leads us to victory. | ||
| This system is fucking complicated. | ||
| What you said is that the biggest thing is most people don't feel represented. | ||
| You feel like if you vote for Romney or you vote for Obama, it's not going to make that much of a difference because you're kind of voting for the same guy in some ways. | ||
| Yeah, the special interests have moved into the position of power that is clearly stronger and more influential than the will of the people. | ||
| A president though can have a big, big effect on who gets elected to the Supreme Court. | ||
| Yes, and socially they have an impact on... | ||
| Well, they set an agenda, right? | ||
| And I actually think that Romney and Obama's foreign policy are different enough. | ||
| I think that Romney is rattling a sword at Iran. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just don't agree with... | ||
| I don't think anybody who's a governor could ever possibly know what it's like to be a president. | ||
| The same way when Obama was running for office, and he said he would do this about Afghanistan, and McCain went, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| You can't say... | ||
| There's some shit when McCain and Obama were campaigning where it was clearly... | ||
| campaigning talk it was clearly like speeches but there was a moment when Obama was talking about Afghanistan and McCain went like you don't even know what you're talking about like you're describing an area that hasn't changed much since the time of Alexander the Great like this idea that you're gonna go in there and just take over the land like you're that's crazy talk like you know and McCain the way did it it was like whoa whoa whoa son was like this was a serious topic All that fucking campaigning bullshit aside, | ||
| you're talking about what I did for a living. | ||
| You're talking crazy. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck's going on over there. | ||
| I think that's what happens to presidents. | ||
| Certainly, I got that impression from Schwarzenegger. | ||
| The impression I got from him, what he's saying is that, You don't have any power. | ||
| You can set an agenda and you can veto things, but at the end of the day, you're not doing much without Congress, if anything. | ||
| And by the way, you're dealing with a lot of different vested interests. | ||
| And the congressional choices coming up this election, they might be more important even than what's going on with the presidency. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Because there's so much fucking waste and so many dumb people that have gotten into elected offices. | ||
| There's so much bullshit there, and slowly but surely it gets exposed, but it's still, the key problem never gets addressed. | ||
| The key problem of special interest groups and funny money. | ||
| None of that stuff gets addressed. | ||
| So it all stays moving along in the same way. | ||
| The question also becomes this, though. | ||
| If indeed you have special interest and you're always going to have smart people that figure out a way to manipulate the machine, Then is the answer to make the machine less influential? | ||
| Meaning, do you make the machine smaller? | ||
| That may be the only way to do it. | ||
| I think that's kind of the conservative argument. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's the real conservative argument. | ||
| That's the real conservative argument. | ||
| Like if you're a real conservative. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| But when you say the word conservative, well, I don't want queers getting married. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| That's the first thing that people think of. | ||
| That's not what I think. | ||
| I'm not a... | ||
| I am... | ||
| When I say I'm a conservative, I just believe... | ||
| That the state shouldn't be involved in who I just choose to marry, whether it's Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, or fucking, you know, a girl. | ||
| Sorry, I used those. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| You know, or the fact that I can't smoke cannabis. | ||
| I'm not saying I'm going to get into a car and drive two tons of fast-moving steel if I get caught. | ||
| There are laws for that. | ||
| But let me make my own choices and my own mistakes. | ||
| You know, and then when I say conservative, I just mean, I think I'm just talking about being fiscally conservative. | ||
| I think I'm talking about not spending what we don't make. | ||
| I live that way myself. | ||
| I don't know why the government can't. | ||
| I don't know why I always have to get... | ||
| The minute I'm at a dinner party in Los Angeles and I start talking about small government or a conservative idea, I get labeled immediately as somebody who is against gay marriage, against abortion. | ||
| No! | ||
| Well, you're a racist. | ||
| Yeah, I reject a lot of the Republican platform in that sense because it's just as controlling as the other side. | ||
| What about a woman's right to choose, Brian? | ||
| I believe in it. | ||
| What if you called it Killing Babies? | ||
| This is the Killing Baby Center. | ||
| Well, that's fine, but the problem is we put a price on human life all the time. | ||
| If you want to save lives, how come you're not out petitioning to make the speed limit on the highway 30 miles an hour? | ||
| It'll fucking save lives. | ||
| You know why we don't do that? | ||
| Because it would be grossly inconvenient, and it would stall the economy and our standard of living. | ||
| So guess what? | ||
| We do put a price on human life all the time. | ||
| And I happen to believe that if a woman's harboring a life, You can biologically make the case that it is murder because it's a life. | ||
| It just happens to be on life support. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| I still think a woman's choice to do with her body what she chooses is paramount over that. | ||
| It's not consistent with the Judeo-Christian ethic, but I don't go to church. | ||
| Yeah, but do you have a timeline where you think it's acceptable? | ||
| Very good question. | ||
| I've kind of tried to avoid this very, very complicated question. | ||
| But we do have timelines, first of all, right? | ||
| For the most part, after the third trimester, it becomes very dangerous for the woman. | ||
| 48 days in is when whatever religion thought the soul entered the body. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| The Hindus? | ||
| Well, let's take a couple of ethical arguments about it. | ||
| Let's take a severely retarded human being, somebody who can't feed themselves, somebody who can't even breathe on their own. | ||
| And if you were to kill that person, if I were to go and smother that person with a pillow, even though they don't have any feeling and parts that they can't communicate, Then what would happen is I'd go to jail for murder. | ||
| You take a fetus that is not yet even developed with its hands and head, however it reacts to pain. | ||
| We know it is on its way to becoming a human being, and in a lot of aspects it's a human being, just a severely underdeveloped human being. | ||
| It's a very similar thing. | ||
| To kill that very small creature that is living, that does respond to stimuli, does respond to pain, and continues to do so in more and more of what we would consider independent human fashion, Why is that not murder? | ||
| That would be where the argument is. | ||
| It's very hard to actually get out of that argument. | ||
| It's very hard. | ||
| It's why I have a lot of respect for the notion that people say, religiously, I believe it's murder. | ||
| I have to be pro-life. | ||
| I do respect that because you can make a very strong biological argument that that human being is just as human as you are in a lot of ways. | ||
| You just have to be independent, more independent. | ||
| You're not relying on a human being to keep you alive. | ||
| Well, we're never going to figure out how to fix that until we figure out how to fix the dirty trick of fucking equals making people. | ||
| That is a dirty goddamn trick that we need to address. | ||
| Because you have this unbelievable desire to fuck, but yet fucking makes people. | ||
| And you can fuck when you're like 13. But we don't have to run from jaguars every day. | ||
| We're not getting chased down by crocodiles. | ||
| We don't need this many fucking people. | ||
| Well, not only do you not need this many people, my other argument for being pro-choice is that you're going to take care of that kid? | ||
| You're going to take care of that child who just got pregnant by a woman who has no money who doesn't want that baby? | ||
| She can't take care of it. | ||
| Are you going to? | ||
| Or are you going to have another ward of the state or somebody who doesn't get any attention or somebody who doesn't have any resources? | ||
| We've got to separate the fact that fucking makes a person. | ||
| You're getting crazy. | ||
| We've got to get to the heart of this. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| We've got to figure out a way where you make a person through a very complicated process. | ||
| What about birth control? | ||
| Well, that could fuck up your body. | ||
| You know, for women, they take pills that essentially trick their body into thinking they're pregnant all the time. | ||
| That can't be good. | ||
| Yeah, condoms also ruin everything. | ||
| Gross, gross, disgusting fucking things. | ||
| It's such a stupid thing. | ||
| Tomorrow, I'm having that Peter Duesberg guy on the podcast. | ||
| He's the guy that believes that HIV doesn't cause AIDS and that it's all people that are doing drugs. | ||
| He said this, it's really, it's like almost untenable. | ||
| I know. | ||
| The bulk of science would be like, well, Yeah, well, that's why I'm interested to see how he figures that in. | ||
| The problem is that in Africa, they're not doing drugs and they're wasting away of HIV. Yeah, I think the Africa thing, though, apparently they're not even getting tested for HIV. They have AIDS, and that could be a variety of things, including poor nutrition. | ||
| I think that's the argument there. | ||
| The actual testing... | ||
| I think this guy is ignoring a lot of the data on the ground. | ||
| We're going to find out. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You want to do it with me? | ||
| I'd love to do it. | ||
| When? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Tomorrow. | ||
| Tomorrow, 3 o'clock. | ||
| Here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd like to come and listen to him. | ||
| 2 o'clock. | ||
| 2 o'clock? | ||
| Yeah, come and listen. | ||
| Please do. | ||
| Come and listen and sit in. | ||
| Dude, please. | ||
| I mean, who knows? | ||
| This is just a... | ||
| Look, I read about this guy's position a long time ago, and I thought it was fascinating. | ||
| I've read a bunch of articles. | ||
| What bothers me about a guy like this is very simple, and I'll bring it up to him. | ||
| I watched a lot of people die in New York. | ||
| I watched them with my own eyes. | ||
| Were they on medication? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This is before they had medication. | ||
| This is when they had AZT and I watched them all die. | ||
| Yeah, that was one of the main points. | ||
| And I watched them die in a very humiliating and a very terrible way. | ||
| Do you know that AZT is a cancer medication that they stopped giving to chemo patients because it was killing them quicker than not having it? | ||
| Well, I don't know, but I do know that a lot of these people went the alternative route and everything else. | ||
| I know a couple of people that stopped doing it. | ||
| And then along came a guy, I believe, by the name of David Ho, who was a scientist, who was Man of the Year, Time Magazine's Man of the Year, who invented a little something called protease inhibitors. | ||
| Protease inhibitors make the cell wall, I guess the helper T cell, very slick. | ||
| They coat it with a Teflon so that the virus cannot latch onto that cell. | ||
| So AIDS is gooey. | ||
| It's gooey. | ||
| And so what happens is with protease inhibitors, now you have people who are HIV positive and used to be a death sentence. | ||
| I can remember it like it was yesterday. | ||
| And I watched it happen. | ||
| And now you get people who are HIV positive, I know several, who treat it like it's diabetes. | ||
| And in fact, now when you get HIV, a lot of doctors will say, hey, good news. | ||
| This could be diabetes. | ||
| We'll keep you alive for the next 30 years on protease inhibitors. | ||
| Now, here's the question. | ||
| Do these people that got HIV, do any of them engage in illicit drug use? | ||
| Some of them do. | ||
| Some of them do. | ||
| I believe what Deuceburg's point is that the only reason why the HIV wasn't fought off by their immune system was that their immune system was destroyed by the use of drugs. | ||
| Meth, amyl nitrates, a bunch of different things. | ||
| I'm going to ask him about why Juan Enriquez talks about the bulk of the science is that the reason that it never became a white European disease, why didn't white men, straight men get it, but a lot of them got it in Africa? | ||
| Why was it a heterosexual disease in Africa? | ||
| Why was it not a heterosexual disease in Africa? | ||
| The Middle East and in Europe and in America. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Well, they just isolated a gene that if you are of Northern European, Middle Eastern, even North African heritage, you have a gene that saved you from the black plagues that hit Europe and rolled through all the Fertile Crescent. | ||
| You have a gene. | ||
| I can't remember the name of the gene. | ||
| That gene makes you very resistant to the HIV virus, to contracting it through regular sex. | ||
| The only straight men, for the most part, if you look at the army statistics and stuff, who got HIV were guys who were intravenous drug users using infected needles and they were putting it directly into their bloodstream. | ||
| The gay men that survived the epidemic were men who were doing the fucking not getting fucked. | ||
| Those were the men that survived the epidemic. | ||
| Because it was a war... | ||
| Let me tell you, AIDS in the 80s and in the early 90s devastated the gay community. | ||
| Devastated it. | ||
| It was a war zone. | ||
| I watched those men walk around. | ||
| Right, but listen to what you're saying. | ||
| You're essentially supporting this guy's theory. | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| Because you're saying that the people that got it were all intravenous drug users. | ||
| No, I'm not saying that. | ||
| Well, what are you saying? | ||
| I'm saying that to get the... | ||
| And the people that you said fought it off were the people that were very resilient physically because they had excellent genes that they had gotten from surviving the Black Plague. | ||
| So their immune system would be very strong. | ||
| Unless you were getting it injected into your body directly through the semen, through your anus, or through... | ||
| Did you just laugh after you said anus? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| Why'd you laugh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, I did. | |
| Because I just think it's funny. | ||
| I sound like a scientist. | ||
| So why would Duisberg, who is a University of California biologist, a tenured professor, why would he not know this? | ||
| Well, I don't know if he knows it, but I'm going to bring it up to him. | ||
| And the other thing that I'm going to ask Duisberg is this. | ||
| Hey, how come the majority of scientists all over the world and all the money that goes into these protease inhibitors, why do protease inhibitors work? | ||
| They seem to work. | ||
| And why are people staying alive when I remember them dying? | ||
| Well, let's let him answer those. | ||
| We're fucking proposing questions down to the great beyond. | ||
| And he's the only guy, it seems. | ||
| Every time I meet one of these guys, they're the only guy. | ||
| Every other scientist must be, you know, I don't know. | ||
| Have you ever looked up, like, how many scientists don't believe HIV causes AIDS? Let's Google that right now. | ||
| Let's take a guess. | ||
| Seven. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| How many scientists... | ||
| I just know that the credible, credible journalists and people who really follow this stuff, including people like Clinton and like that. | ||
| Clinton? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you say like Bill Clinton? | ||
| Bill Clinton who did a lot of work for AIDS in Africa. | ||
| A great deal of good work. | ||
| Yeah, you know why? | ||
| He wanted to go over there and fuck up a storm. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| He wanted to be all dirty. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Dirty for Slick Willie. | ||
| I'm going to help you. | ||
| Well, you go to AIDS, and how many scientists don't believe HIV causes AIDS, and it's Dewsburg on AIDS article in Spin. | ||
| That's the first fucking thing that comes up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well, I don't really buy into it. | |
| HIV and AIDS. I have a feeling my room would be a lot fuller. | ||
| Carrie Mullis. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| I think that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Either way, if you get HIV, it's a very serious diagnosis. | ||
| Kerry Moss is a Nobel Prize winning scientist. | ||
| He's also an LSD user. | ||
| He created the invention of PCR tests. | ||
| He won the prize for chemistry. | ||
| There are a lot of crazy smart people out there. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| But what he says is everyone in the field knows that there's at least some dissension over whether there's evidence that HIV is the probable cause of AIDS. Is there somewhere in the literature that there's scientific evidence presented that HIV is the probable cause of AIDS? And if there is, where is it? | ||
| Who should be attributed with the scientific evidence supporting that statement, HIV is a probable cause of AIDS? Let me tell you something. | ||
| This guy, the fact that he just said that, if that's what he indeed said. | ||
| Okay, by the way. | ||
| Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. | ||
| 1994. Oh, okay. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I was like, wait a minute. | ||
| I was like, hold on. | ||
| We're going to shit all over the guy. | ||
| The guy's like, I already figured it. | ||
| But meanwhile, he's dead. | ||
| He can't even defend himself. | ||
| Does HIV really cause AIDS? If you just Google, does HIV really cause AIDS? I think that argument's been put to rest in 2012. Well, yeah, this is 1994. It seems like a lot of people had some questions about it. | ||
| Some people make their names. | ||
| That's when AIDS were in mosquitoes. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Yeah, they thought AIDS was in mosquitoes. | ||
| Yeah, that was about the same time period as that. | ||
| Some people make their name by basically being controversial, I think. | ||
| Well, I'm curious... | ||
| I hate to be cynical, but... | ||
| I'm curious if there's anything that he's going to say that's going to rattle that opinion of yours. | ||
| Obviously, this guy has... | ||
| He's been pushing this for a long, long time. | ||
| Yeah, he's the only one, right? | ||
| I don't know if he's the only one. | ||
| We'll find out from him. | ||
| But in 1993, he had an article in Spin Magazine. | ||
| That was the first one that I read that addressed the whole AIDS thing. | ||
| That was right after my first AIDS test. | ||
| Can you get another scientist on the other side on the phone? | ||
| No, but you know what? | ||
| We'll eventually. | ||
| It was hard getting him in here in the first place. | ||
| I didn't bring him in here for a debate. | ||
| There's a tricky thing. | ||
| People say, why don't you go after people when they're on your show and they say something stupid? | ||
| First of all, because I don't want to be mean. | ||
| And second of all, I want them to express themselves to the fullest extent of their possibilities. | ||
| I don't want... | ||
| You want to suppress them. | ||
| I may disagree with someone on some things, and we may disagree and argue about stuff on the podcast, but... | ||
| In order to find out what someone really believes about something, sometimes you have to not question it so much as to sort of probe and let them keep going. | ||
| And people are like, why don't you call them out on that? | ||
| I'm like, you know that's bullshit. | ||
| I'm like, I want to hear what their logic is. | ||
| I want to hear what their thought process is. | ||
| You know, when I have such strong political, like I'll get heated if you start talking about how, you know, you start giving me left-wing solutions to like economic solutions to things. | ||
| I get all heated and bunched up. | ||
| But, If we had socialism, everybody just helped everybody. | ||
| I went hunting and just going hunting. | ||
| I had no idea that hunting would have an effect on me politically. | ||
| It was very interesting. | ||
| Sometimes I have to check myself and go, how much of this is attitude and how I've been raised to actually really stopping and looking at facts? | ||
| You have to always check yourself. | ||
| Well, what changed? | ||
| What's the hunting thing that changed? | ||
| No, I just have a newfound respect for the importance of regulation and strong laws that make it very clear that you can't... | ||
| You can't trust hunters to be libertarian about their hunting practices necessarily because you get a lot of people out there in this world. | ||
| A lot of hunters are vastly... | ||
| The majority of real hunters are very responsible, but you get a lot of jerk-offs who go out there and just want a machine gun ship. | ||
| I think that the hunters, I think the anti-hunting people, ultimately the sentiment, the idea behind what they're saying, what offends them about hunting is noble. | ||
| Because I think what they're trying to do is protect animals from ruthless people, and I think that they're of the mind that we can get along in harmony with nature. | ||
| And that they know that in their own personal experiences they've had beautiful moments. | ||
| They've seen wildlife and they didn't have to kill it. | ||
| So I think ultimately even the vegans... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You also don't want an animal to suffer. | |
| Of course. | ||
| Like when you trap an animal and you're making a fur coat and that animal's writhing in a trap. | ||
| I wouldn't want to fucking see that. | ||
| I went to Portugal and watched a bullfight. | ||
| I've never rooted for a fucking human being to die so hard in my life. | ||
| They were like spearing this bull. | ||
| It was in pain. | ||
| They rubbed its eyes with hot peppers so it can't see. | ||
| And every time the Picadillos would stick those fucking spears in its back, the thing would jump and writhe in pain. | ||
| And I was like, I hope one of these humans fucking dies in this ring. | ||
| Then I watched these guys fucking let themselves get gored and they were the toughest motherfuckers on the planet. | ||
| They let themselves get gourd? | ||
| Not gourd, the bull didn't have sharp horns, and they let these bulls just fucking hit them and throw them over their backs, and they do flips, and they were total badasses. | ||
| But either way, I just didn't want to see an animal suffer. | ||
| That's a horrible aspect of human nature. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't want to see a fucking defenseless animal writhe in pain. | ||
| I didn't like that shit. | ||
| No, it's disgusting. | ||
| But, you know, so we have to, then the argument is like, okay, well then you've got to look at the vegetarian or the vegan argument. | ||
| Well, they're trying to be as free of this negative karma of murdering—well, you shouldn't say murdering because I guess murdering is only people killing animals. | ||
| Veganism is a form of religion in some ways, right? | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| I mean, it's a philosophy. | ||
| But my point is, how does one manage the animals then? | ||
| If we get to that point where no one's eating any animals, what are you going to do? | ||
| Are you going to castrate them? | ||
| What are you going to do about the deers in the wild? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| We're going to have a real issue. | ||
| And that's something that no one needs to... | ||
| I mean, we have to decide... | ||
| You probably wouldn't grow as much animal protein, first of all, right? | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| What are you going to do with the animals that are alive? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think you'd feed. | |
| I don't think you'd be able to feed as many people. | ||
| So would you just let the cows starve to death and cows go extinct? | ||
| Or would you manage a population of them that you never bred or used? | ||
| I suppose you'd stop breeding them. | ||
| Would you let them go wild? | ||
| And if you did, they wouldn't have any natural predators. | ||
| The big question that fucking awesome Ray Kurzweil said is, listen, very, very soon we're going to be cloning meat that has no animal suffering. | ||
| We're going to be cloning meat with no central nervous system. | ||
| It's going to taste like shit. | ||
| Well, no, because we can clone the best tasting meat in the world. | ||
| In a factory. | ||
| I'm just saying that is the future. | ||
| It's going to be a meat farm. | ||
| You ever see, like, salmon that you buy that hasn't been dyed pink? | ||
| Ever see those weak-ass prison-bitch salmon? | ||
| Yeah, but what I'm saying is that at the end of the day, I think technology is going to give you the greatest tasting everything without animal suffering, and meat's going to be just like anything else. | ||
| You're going to buy a meatball that was grown in some fucking farm. | ||
| I wonder if it's possible to get the subtle nuances of a good grass-fed steak. | ||
| I wonder if you can get that. | ||
| Or I wonder if it's going to be sort of like grape gum, where it's not really grape gum, but you call it grape gum. | ||
| What flavor is that grape? | ||
| Oh, I love grape. | ||
| It doesn't taste anything like grapes. | ||
| That's why I like gay meat so much. | ||
| You can't compete with that fucking... | ||
| Gay meat. | ||
| Game. | ||
| Not gay meat, Brian. | ||
| Gay meat and gay meat. | ||
| Like grape soda. | ||
| Does grape soda taste anything like a grape? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Not at all, right? | ||
| Tastes like the color. | ||
| Maybe Welch's grape juice. | ||
| That's real grape juice. | ||
| Wine grapes tend to be really, really sweet. | ||
| But think about what's the difference between grape, hubba-bubba, bubblegum, and an actual grape. | ||
| How do you even know that it's a grape? | ||
| You know it's a grape because you've accepted this as the substitute grape flavor, even though it's nothing grape-like about it. | ||
| You call it, that's the grape flavor. | ||
| That's what steak's going to be like. | ||
| We're going to get used to that. | ||
| We're going to use this artificial, non-biological meat. | ||
| Or they'll be able to figure out a way to put all those nuances in it. | ||
| And when they do, the first people that eat it are going to get cancer of the dick immediately. | ||
| I wonder, it seems like how long can you keep tricking the system? | ||
| Well, the only way we're going to feed as many people as we do as we get into nine, ten billion people in the middle of the century is with genetically modified foods. | ||
| You're not going to do it any other way. | ||
| Nine or ten billion people. | ||
| You have to figure out a way to make rice more nutritious. | ||
| That's what the Golden Rice Project is all about. | ||
| I guess getting more vitamin A into the rice and making it way more nutritious is all that. | ||
| To make sure that more people breed so we have even more people. | ||
| Well, that's very important. | ||
| Isn't the most important thing to figure out how to make these places less poor? | ||
| You know, like, when you look at all the poverty in the world and all these people that are in these incredibly overpopulated areas, like, how does one ever manage the human... | ||
| We're already growing far more food per hectare than we ever have with technology and making it more nutrient dense. | ||
| So the idea actually is to create staples of crops like rice that is as nutritious as a root vegetable like a sweet potato. | ||
| So your thing is to take these people who live in these poor places and make them farmers? | ||
| No, actually you'll need less farmers and you'll need less pesticides because what you'll do is you'll genetically modify these foods to, and they're already doing this, to resist the need for artificial pesticides because they have built-in resistance to the pests that are indigenous to that area. | ||
| And that's what this is all about. | ||
| Genetically modified foods get such a bad rap, but that's the future. | ||
| We're not going to feed people without it. | ||
| Do you think that the thing with taking these genetically modified foods and copywriting them and making sure that people have, you know, making sure that the seeds can't grow back, suicide seeds? | ||
| I don't know the answer to that. | ||
| When it starts becoming a commodity, it gets a little weird. | ||
| It always has been, though. | ||
| It always has been. | ||
| I think it's just becoming more complicated. | ||
| Trademark life. | ||
| It's a really interesting question, though, because, like, you're right, but if you spend a lot of time in a laboratory and you create the most nutritious rice kernel in the world, then people can live on just rice. | ||
| Well, then, if that was all your hard work, I guess you should own the rights to the seed, right? | ||
| Well, maybe you should just get a cut forever. | ||
| Yeah, because otherwise people wouldn't... | ||
| The incentive to develop that is not only just a humanitarian one, but it's also a profit motive incentive. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| That's why you put billions of dollars into the research to recoup it. | ||
| But what about cross-pollination and shit like that, like the issues that they deal with farmers living in nearby communities that don't have their crops when they sue them? | ||
| Yeah, it's an issue. | ||
| I don't know how you fight the inevitable rise of technology, though. | ||
| You and I talk about it all the time. | ||
| I just don't think that we're going to... | ||
| Like I said, I think that... | ||
| And crops have continued, farmers from the beginning of time have done everything they can to make their particular crop more nutritious, more calorie rich, more dense, more energy efficient. | ||
| And also last longer. | ||
| Last longer, need less water, need less pesticides. | ||
| Taste less good. | ||
| All that. | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean, whatever. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| They're just trying to engineer in durability. | ||
| And who knows, as far as the vitamin content of one of those pale-ass tomatoes. | ||
| Yeah, but the marketplace, there are a lot of people in the marketplace that want a tomato that's going to taste good as well, so there's an incentive to create a good-tasting tomato. | ||
| Have you ever really had a real tomato though, like a Jersey beef steak tomato? | ||
| They're so fucking good. | ||
| That's why it's a fruit. | ||
| Like in Italy, when you go to Italy and you see the fruits that are grown in manure, the tomatoes, forget it. | ||
| That's why I eat organically because I'm such a foodie. | ||
| It's still not as good. | ||
| Even organically, I mean, the only thing that comes close is like heirloom tomatoes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what they say the best lamb is? | ||
| You know where it comes from? | ||
| Where? | ||
| Iraq. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Iraq, they say, is the sweetest tasting lamb because they eat a certain kind of grass... | ||
| There. | ||
| And it's Mesopotamia. | ||
| They've been eating goat and lamb there from the beginning of time. | ||
| You know what's supposed to be insanely good? | ||
| Yak. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's supposed to be delicious. | ||
| It's a fatty meat, right? | ||
| Better than venison. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| And apparently what they eat to make it taste so good is some moss that grows way the fuck up there that you can't even grow down here. | ||
| So you can't make them in a farm. | ||
| You can't make a yak farm and have them eat this shit. | ||
| It wouldn't work. | ||
| That's a sturdy animal, man. | ||
| They got no problem. | ||
| They don't need sleeping bags. | ||
| It's supposed to be delicious. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yak. | ||
| Fucking yak. | ||
| I'll eat some fucking yak. | ||
| You'll eat the shit out of a yak. | ||
| I will. | ||
| I'll jerk it, too. | ||
| I was watching a Rinella show. | ||
| They went hunting for, I think it's called a tarp. | ||
| Some fucking crazy looking wookie animal. | ||
| Yeah, it's an antwope or something? | ||
| Yeah, a horned wookie goat demon thing in New Zealand. | ||
| It was nuts. | ||
| They were up in the middle of this fucking, like, they have to cross this glacial river where the runoff from the glacier, they shot an animal on the other side, so they had to cross it. | ||
| Like, what we did is like a really safe hunt for that guy. | ||
| Like, he does some wild shit, man. | ||
| Yeah, Rinella? | ||
| He's also smart. | ||
| They do a lot of stabbing pigs. | ||
| He had an episode, the same place in New Zealand, where they hold the pigs down with a dog and then they stab it with a knife to kill it. | ||
| Do you want to know what the history on my phone, my Google phone is? | ||
| You want to know the history? | ||
| This is so fucking ridiculous. | ||
| It starts with Ostrich, Chuck Taylors, Rockstar, Big White Dick, Muscular Perfection, Ice Cube, 778 Area Code, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cool Hats, Atlanta to Fort Lauderdale, 508 Area Code, Toe, Walkers, Billings, Montana, Couches, Slam Walkers, Billings, Montana, Couches, Slam Dunk, Hard Workouts, Andy Cozell, Comedian, I want to know who he was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I heard his name. | ||
| Cool t-shirt design. | ||
| And best breakfast in Fort Lauderdale. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, if you were working as a CEO at an important company and they found that... | ||
| Big white dick. | ||
| They'd be like, wait a minute. | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| But I wanted to send a big white dick to a friend of mine. | ||
| I was like, hope you're having a great day. | ||
| And I'd just send that. | ||
| Because I'm 12. You can't have that kind of sense of humor if you work in corporate America. | ||
| No, I know you can't. | ||
| That's the thing that poisons most people, man. | ||
| Suppression. | ||
| Daily suppression. | ||
| All day, having to fit a mold, working some fucking stupid office somewhere. | ||
| That's gotta be life-sapping. | ||
| The idea that one of the problems with government is that there's no passion in most levels of government. | ||
| They're just jobs. | ||
| And the real problem with jobs is people want to get them, and they want that money, and they want to keep them. | ||
| And they never say, you know what, this job is just not really necessary. | ||
| The way to best serve the American people would be to fucking get rid of this job, but this is what I need. | ||
| It becomes a personal issue that sort of gets in the way of the greater good of what you're trying to achieve in the first place. | ||
| Well, you're not getting rid of a... | ||
| That's the problem with passing a law. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| a law, cottage industry grows up around it. | ||
| That's why Washington never gets rid of it. | ||
| Once they pass a law, like the anti-marijuana laws, you make weed legal and you're going to have a lot of people out of a job. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of money behind trying to keep marijuana And there was something that I retweeted, I think yesterday, that was listing all the different people that are involved in working hard to keep marijuana illegal. | ||
| It's so annoying. | ||
| You read that shit, it just makes you nuts. | ||
| Joe, check this out. | ||
| There's already been voter machines going crazy. | ||
| Look at this video. | ||
| It's switching people's votes from Obama to... | ||
| Oh yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| Switches it to Romney. | ||
| I'm not surprised. | ||
| You know, they never fix that shit. | ||
| These fucking Republicans own all these voting machines. | ||
| They showed in that Hacking Democracy documentary that you could fix them so that they could change the vote. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| It's just ridiculous. | ||
| It's a fucking scam. | ||
| This isn't a real life we're living. | ||
| It's all fake. | ||
| We're living in a goddamn simulation. | ||
| The problem is you've got to kind of care and you've got to be informed, otherwise forces will take your freedom away from you. | ||
| If they're already taking it, what difference does it make? | ||
| It's a problem. | ||
| You've got to figure out a way to fight back, you know? | ||
| Have you seen the Chinese practice of eating eggs boiled in the urine of young boys? | ||
| Sure haven't. | ||
| Sure haven't. | ||
| You haven't seen that? | ||
| Brian, please Google that. | ||
| Chinese people eat eggs boiled in the urine of virgin boys. | ||
| No, we didn't look at this. | ||
| Yesterday, I found that someone tweeted this to me. | ||
| It's in my Twitter timeline. | ||
| If you look at my Twitter timeline, they have young boys, they have them pee, and then they boil eggs in this young boy pee, and they eat it all day. | ||
| They say it keeps them healthy, and it's great for the skin. | ||
| It's like a super common delicacy. | ||
| The actual urine? | ||
| No, they eat the eggs after it's been boiled in little kid piss. | ||
| But it has to be like virgin boys. | ||
| I guess once dudes start fucking, it becomes problematic. | ||
| Do they hard boil it? | ||
| Yeah, they simmer it. | ||
| They actually crack the eggshell so that the urine seeps into the egg itself, not just heats it up from the outside, seeps in and simmers for hours and hours in piss. | ||
| What day did you post this? | ||
| 22 hours ago. | ||
| Humans are dumb. | ||
| Hey, do you have a fridge? | ||
| You know, I retweeted it. | ||
| A dude named Adrian. | ||
| There's a fridge right over there. | ||
| Go get it. | ||
| We're going to wrap this bitch up soon. | ||
| Grab me one, too. | ||
| I don't think there's anything in there. | ||
| Dude, there's nothing in your fridge? | ||
| I think there's a couple of beers and Mountain Dew. | ||
| Whatever it is in cans. | ||
| We should stop at Costco and just fucking stock this place full. | ||
| You want to go to Costco later? | ||
| I do all the time. | ||
| It just goes really fast. | ||
| Yeah, but it's because you bring in sluts in here and they get thirsty for sucking cock all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it is. | |
| That's what I heard. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| I'm not finding this. | ||
| Because you're retarded. | ||
| Come on, dude. | ||
| It's in there from... | ||
| I told you. | ||
| It's a retweet from a dude named Adrian. | ||
| Oh, 5th of November. | ||
| I guess it was 24 hours ago now. | ||
| Adrian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, Joe Rogan, what I love about you is that you have used your influence for nothing but good. | ||
| I'm sorry, it's Wilford Lee. | ||
| That's the guy's name. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Wilford Lee is the guy who tweeted it to me. | ||
| On November 5th? | ||
| No, it was 22 hours ago. | ||
| I was looking at something else. | ||
| Alright, here we go. | ||
| Do you see it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pull this up. | ||
| This is going to be so ridiculous. | ||
| So what were you thanking me for? | ||
| I love that you have, as your influence has grown, you've done nothing but take care of your friends and people around you and try to make a world a better place. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| That world a better place thing, I don't know about that. | ||
| Well, no, you try. | ||
| I'm just saying that you... | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
oh there we go soaked and boiled in urine yes urine of young boys preferably those below the age of 10 hence the name virgin boy eggs it's a popular springtime snack in dong yang what outed for its health benefits We have to be very careful about going to war with these people. | |
| It's just a fucking, it's like somebody came up with a gimmick to sell eggs, and it's just a smart entrepreneur, some guy giggling in the corner. | ||
| 100,000 years ago. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It takes a full day to prepare the snack, starting off with collecting urine from boys' toilets. | |
| Then the eggs are soaked and boiled in a pot of urine, after which the shells are cracked and the eggs are simmered in the same urine for hours. | ||
| Those who snack on the eggs say they help decrease body heat and promote better blood circulation that can make one feel reinvigorated. | ||
| Our ancestors were already doing this. | ||
| By eating these eggs, we will not have any pain on our waist, legs and joints. | ||
| Also, you'll have more energy when you do work. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I don't like eating these eggs. | ||
| Other people like it because they have this tradition in Dongyang that these eggs are nourishment for our health and that it would help prevent things like getting a cold. | ||
| I don't believe in this at all. | ||
| I don't eat them. | ||
| Medical experts have mixed reviews about the health benefits and some warn of sanitary issues in this unique delicacy. | ||
| Who's pro in the doctor world? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Declaring the virgin boy eggs. | |
| Huh. | ||
| You know what's so funny? | ||
| This is probably a huge troll. | ||
| I hope it is. | ||
| Somebody put that on your message board. | ||
| What if it's just the onion for China? | ||
| It could be. | ||
| They could have just had a picture of simmering eggs and had a picture of the stalls and pretended they pissed. | ||
| You could go to Venice, California right now. | ||
| And find a group of people that are boiling eggs in fucking young boy piss. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Or old man piss. | ||
| Because somebody came up with this idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think we've always boiled shit in piss. | ||
| And I think... | ||
| And the same reason people would eat like... | ||
| Like why virgins are so prized, you know? | ||
| Well, Chinese people do a lot of freaky shit with eggs. | ||
| Like one of the things I'm fearful of is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You bury them? | |
| Yeah, 100-year-old eggs, 1,000-year-old eggs. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Explain that to me. | ||
| Balloot eggs. | ||
| Yeah, balloot eggs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's an unmistakable scent from these hard... | |
| It's an egg that's fermented and black and looks like jelly. | ||
| I've eaten one. | ||
| Yeah, we used to serve them to people on Fear Factor. | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
| But they were like a real delicacy. | ||
| When I was 14 years old, back when China was communist, I went to the mainland. | ||
| I spent two weeks there with my family. | ||
| What was that like? | ||
| When you looked out the bus, all you saw, I looked, turned around, all you saw back then was people in blue uniforms on bicycles. | ||
| Beijing was just one blue sea. | ||
| All commies. | ||
| Oh, it was just a communist country. | ||
| Everybody wore the exact same blue outfit. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Everybody rode bicycles. | ||
| Was it freaky? | ||
| It was the freakiest thing I'd ever seen in my life. | ||
| No advertisements. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| No advertising. | ||
| No billboards, no advertisements. | ||
| And Russia was the same way. | ||
| I went to Russia when it was communist. | ||
| There was no advertising. | ||
| So you'd go, why is everything so gray? | ||
| Well, there's no advertising. | ||
| There is no free enterprise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Splashy colors. | |
| So you don't have people saying, buy this, that you weren't allowed to do that. | ||
| Everything was run by the state. | ||
| Restaurants were these huge communal affairs. | ||
| So when you go to a restaurant, do you have to pay anything? | ||
| How'd that work? | ||
| Very, very little. | ||
| Everybody pays the same. | ||
| Right, but when you pay, like... | ||
| There was one beer. | ||
| There was one national beer. | ||
| There was one, you know... | ||
| Everything was so uniform. | ||
| I went to the pagodas. | ||
| I went to the, you know... | ||
| There were very few Buddhist shrines that really survived the communist revolution. | ||
| Have you been back since? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I mean, Beijing now is completely different. | ||
| But I was in Russia in 1985. They've gone straight capitalism now in China. | ||
| China, I think, has more billionaires than anywhere else in the world. | ||
| They buy Buicks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They really like Buicks. | ||
| Yet they still have a very, very suppressive government. | ||
| But the Chinese have always... | ||
| The one thing that really is really unique to China is that a huge area of land speaks one language, Mandarin Chinese. | ||
| And there's almost no other example like that in the world. | ||
| However, that's because the Yangtze and the Yellow River were able to bring ideas and commerce and language to all different parts of China. | ||
| And so China became this uniform powerhouse as a result of that. | ||
| What's more fascinating to me is how they all look Chinese. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| That's the other thing, though. | ||
| You want to talk about a really... | ||
| A fast area. | ||
| ...a credible-sized place, and they all share a very similar gene pool. | ||
| I mean, at least visually. | ||
| Because of the Yangtze and Yellow River, there was so much trade. | ||
| You were able to get in. | ||
| The food production, domestication of animals created huge city centers, and it concentrated a great deal of people in one area. | ||
| I love how when you see northern Russia and Siberia, it gets really Chinese looking. | ||
| Well, I was in Kyrgyzstan, and if you talk to people from Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan, which are the areas kind of like right where part of Russia used to be, they look very, very high cheekbones, very Asian. | ||
| They look more Mongol. | ||
| They're tall, usually strong-looking, you know, Broad people with these high cheekbones. | ||
| When you see something like that, doesn't it kind of like put you in touch with history? | ||
| Like you start thinking about like the Genghis Khan era. | ||
| If you want to freak yourself out, if you really want to freak out and you want to see specimens of human beings, go to the fucking Sudan. | ||
| Go to Kenya and go take a look at the Maasai Warriors. | ||
| Just go take a look. | ||
| If you want to know where the fuck guys like Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan come from, I don't care what anybody says, they are these beautiful, these fucking six foot seven, seven foot people in the Sudan. | ||
| They live a nomadic lifestyle. | ||
| Seven feet? | ||
| No problem. | ||
| Athletic is all fucking get out wide and big. | ||
| Heads the size of basketballs. | ||
| You're like, where the fuck did you come from? | ||
| It is a different gene pool. | ||
| And how did that one gene pool arise? | ||
| How did the pygmies of the Congo arise? | ||
| There are a lot of theories on the biology of why people do it, but a lot of it had to do with how isolated that gene pool was. | ||
| For example, Polynesian people, very isolated for a long period of time. | ||
| In Hawaii and especially Tonga and Samoa, up until I think it was the late 1700s, early 1800s, they'd never been contacted by white people. | ||
| Do you know what's interesting about islands is that animals tend to dwarf on islands, but lizards tend to grow towards giant size. | ||
| Yeah, that's why the Komodo dragons became like enormous lizards. | ||
| They were isolated to the Komodo islands. | ||
| But like pygmy elephants and shit like that. | ||
| That makes sense though. | ||
| There's not enough food, right? | ||
| The hobbit people, those Homo florensis, those little tiny human beings that lived alongside people, that's also like an episode of island dwarfism. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder, though, why it was a form of a natural selection where tall people liked... | ||
| I mean, because Sudan's ridiculous. | ||
| They probably had to fight off lions and shit, and the big ones survived. | ||
| And the Maasai Mara are fucking tall, athletic. | ||
| The Maasai just broke the fucking half-mile record in the Olympics this year, world record. | ||
| Ran, like, fucking destroyed everybody. | ||
| Well, that guy, you know, comparing this conversation we were having earlier with, like, some fucking fat doughy guy, you know, some Gabriel Iglesias guy, and, you know, like, physically, if they're going to get in an MMA fight, one of them is cheating already. | ||
| Dude, I got a shitty... | ||
| I got... | ||
| I didn't win the fucking genetic lottery, and I'm okay. | ||
| But you didn't fail. | ||
| I didn't fail either. | ||
| I'm alright, but when I look at fucking... | ||
| You got like a 70. Yeah, I got a 70. You look at these fucking Samoans with the back of their arms, those big elbows, and their... | ||
| Big knees. | ||
| Those huge heads. | ||
| Mark Hunt looking legs. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Yeah, five minutes. | ||
| Have you ever seen Relentless Enemies? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's a documentary on this one area of Africa where a hundred years ago... | ||
| Eternal Enemies, right? | ||
| No, Relentless Enemies. | ||
| And there's the lions, the giant lions. | ||
| There's an area where the river changed course a hundred years ago. | ||
| And it's stranded all these lions and water buffalo in this one area. | ||
| And because the lions don't have any other prey other than water buffalo. | ||
| Pull that up, Brian. | ||
| Just pull up a video. | ||
| We'll end with this. | ||
| Blow your fucking socks off. | ||
| They become Hulk-sized lions. | ||
| The female lions are as large as regular male lions. | ||
| They're enormous. | ||
| Enormous. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And they're muscular. | ||
| Unbelievably muscular because all they eat is water buffalo. | ||
| These giant fucking buffaloes that they need like seven or eight of them to take on. | ||
| So they jump on their back and one of them goes underneath and they try to drag this thing down. | ||
| And then the water buffaloes just search for relentless enemies, lion versus water buffalo. | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| And they look like CGI lions. | ||
| They look like the Hulk. | ||
| They have giant muscles. | ||
| I can't believe you don't know about this. | ||
| No! | ||
| How do I not know about this stuff? | ||
| You're going to jack off this night. | ||
| This is going to end your night. | ||
| Have you seen Eye of the Sparrow? | ||
| The bad lip syncing of the presidential debate? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| We have to watch that before you take off. | ||
| Go to Eye of the Sparrow. | ||
| Did you do Relentless Enemies? | ||
| Just type in Relentless Enemies. | ||
| Did you write weather buffalo? | ||
| What the fuck did you... | ||
| It's so hard to see. | ||
| It's so blurry. | ||
| Why is it... | ||
| They can't make one of those things that looks like a monitor. | ||
| What did you say about... | ||
| Water buffalo versus lion. | ||
| Relentless enemies. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| These fucking things. | ||
| Wait till you see what they look like. | ||
| I think this is the trailer for the movie. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Fucking windows. | ||
| That's cool, though. | ||
| That's good resolution. | ||
| Hey, bro, I need to buy a flat-screen TV. Look at this water buffalo. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Imagine having to eat that thing. | ||
| That's all you can eat. | ||
| Wait till you sweat these fucking lions, dude. | ||
| This is over a course of a hundred years, so it's really changing the way they look about how animals adapt. | ||
| Dude, look at these things. | ||
| That's death. | ||
| Look at the muscles on the- wait till you see the muscles on the fucking females, man. | ||
| I mean, you've never seen anything like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, look at those ears! | |
| They're swimming out to get to this water buffalo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They can't- look at- Jeremy Irons. | |
| Look at the size of these fucking lions. | ||
| That's a smaller one. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god! | |
| Did this kiss me? | ||
| What are you doing, Brian? | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| Look at how they have to fight these things. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| There's several different prides on this island, and not all of them are oversized. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Some of them are regular sized. | ||
| Where can I see that? | ||
| Relentless Enemies. | ||
| Get it on Netflix, I'm sure. | ||
| I'm sure it's available on Amazon. | ||
| Go to Doug.com and buy it from there, and Brian makes money. | ||
| Will you just put in Eye of the Sparrow really quickly so I can show Joe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| Eyes of the Sparrow? | ||
| Podcast is almost over. | ||
| We've run out of time. | ||
| We turn into a pumpkin in two minutes. | ||
| Two seconds. | ||
| Come see me at Helium. | ||
| Go see him. | ||
| Or come see me and Joey Diaz in San Diego at the Balboa Theater. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| That's Saturday night. | ||
| This Saturday night. | ||
| I'm in fucking dead punch, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| If you're on the East Coast, come see me at Helium and I'll tell you all about Joe Rogan. | ||
| I got loose in San Francisco. | ||
| Knocked their dicks into the dirt in Seattle. | ||
| Did you say Ice over Sparrow? | ||
| Eyes of the Sparrow. | ||
| Eye of the Sparrow. | ||
| Seattle's so fun, man. | ||
| Seattle's great, dude. | ||
| You just did Seattle? | ||
| I just did the Moore Theater. | ||
| Smart people, they get it. | ||
| Fucking great. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Yeah, it's just dreary as fuck up there. | ||
| But they enjoy the shit out of a show. | ||
| So dreary, though. | ||
| So is Canada, but they're the greatest audiences. | ||
| Vancouver's not as dreary. | ||
| No, I'm doing Vancouver in January. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| What are you doing in Vancouver? | ||
| You do theaters. | ||
| Yeah, I love Vancouver. | ||
| What are you going to do, Comedy Mix? | ||
| I'm going to do Comedy Mix. | ||
| That place is great. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| Duncan Trussell just sold it out. | ||
| We tweeted about it, and he sold it out in one day. | ||
| He sold it out the whole weekend. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| What are we watching here? | ||
| Is this it? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Don't let him Google on his own. | ||
| You gotta tell him what the fucking video is or you're gonna see a cat's asshole. | ||
| Eye of the Sparrow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Eye of the Sparrow. | |
| A bad lip syncing. | ||
| Bad lip syncing. | ||
| There, there, there. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Second one. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| This is so fucking funny. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| We'll watch in a second. | ||
| This is the President's debate and they redub their voices because they watched their mouths and they could be saying something else. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| This is so wild. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch this. | |
| This better be good, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I hope this is the one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, the hot tub is cool now. | |
| But they poisoned it. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Sing me some harmonies. | ||
| It's a small picture in a shop somewhere. | ||
| And I know who it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's Mormon Judy and cow people. | |
| A little pitchy, but good stuff. | ||
| Governor Romney's black. | ||
| I mean, I think black can be judged. | ||
| How do I do this? | ||
| Dude, I don't have a jet ski. | ||
| Not the kind you're talking about. | ||
| Plus, everyone can see that I'm not black. | ||
| You have to see this to enjoy this. | ||
| The iTunes people are like, how high are these guys to laugh at this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, I do want you to support me and be my man. | |
| That's beautiful. | ||
| I know he's black. | ||
| Ahmed, how did you know about whodunit in the lounge? | ||
| We didn't? | ||
| No. | ||
| We didn't. | ||
| Oh, they started clapping for the mad cow until someone sold him. | ||
| Who is that creepy old dude that's involved in writing debates? | ||
| Boy. | ||
| That dude's the sickest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We hate him because he had eggs for a bath. | |
| Gonna throw up tonight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if you throw up, then it's as a jealous woman. | |
| You have to see this. | ||
| It's so stupid! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm thinking Governor Romney won't do that, okay? | |
| Audio is not doing this justice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This has got me thinking. | |
| I see a purple idiot. | ||
| Speaks German with a big spunky Irish labradoodle puppy. | ||
| Oh, he got me. | ||
| And I want you to feel bad because I've got funny radiation coming up on my desk. | ||
| Come on, I'm not a robot, okay? | ||
| I wish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then I could go higher and you could rotate my arm and send me whooshin' into space. | |
| You hear me? | ||
| All that's shush, because the sofa bears don't know. | ||
| Go right off. | ||
| Not a few 17 bears, so you're gone. | ||
| You gotta see it. | ||
| Is it over, folks? | ||
| Who the fuck is the president? | ||
| This is election day 2012, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I'm going to vote. | ||
| A month before the apocalypse. | ||
| Right now... | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| You ready for this? | ||
| What? | ||
| Mitt Romney's in the lead. | ||
| Right now he has 152 electoral votes, 223 for Obama. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Obama has 48% and he has 50%. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| If this guy wins, this is going to be really strange. | ||
| I'm more concerned about the condom law. | ||
| Oh, the condom law for porn stars? | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Yeah, well, we're just going to have to buy or download our porn from, like, Russia. | ||
| Yeah, China porn. | ||
| That's just what it is, man. | ||
| There's no way people are just going to watch people fuck with condoms on. | ||
| They tried that for a while. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Didn't work. | ||
| You ever click on a link and you see, like, a condom? | ||
| And you get upset? | ||
| You're watching a porn and the guy's wearing a condom? | ||
| I can't watch it. | ||
| One minute! | ||
| It's annoying. | ||
| Podcast is over, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Go fuck yourselves. | ||
| Do it kindly and gently. | ||
| Go see Brian Callen this weekend at Helium. | ||
| Helium in Philadelphia. | ||
| Google it, bitch. | ||
| I'll be bringing heat. | ||
| Go to deskwad.tv. | ||
| Buy yourself a kitty cat t-shirt. | ||
| Ohio this week. | ||
| Support the Deskwad crew with Tom Segura in Ohio along with Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redman. | ||
| Can somebody please tweet me? | ||
| Just tweet me at Brian Callen and give me an idea for a Man Thoughts t-shirt, please. | ||
| Don't. | ||
| We beg for ideas, you son of a bitch. | ||
| Hire somebody. | ||
| Hire an artist, goddammit. | ||
| I will. | ||
| I will hire an artist. | ||
| Tomorrow night, Ice House, Comedy Club. | ||
| You coming down? | ||
| You going to be able to make it? | ||
| I'm going to do the best I can. | ||
| 10.30 show. | ||
| 10 o'clock show. | ||
| I got a show to do. | ||
| What show you got to do? | ||
| Hedwig and the Angry Inch. | ||
| Oh, is it good? | ||
| It's the best thing I've ever seen. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| All right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, yeah. | |
| If you don't want to do that, ladies and gentlemen, if you want to come down to the Ice House, we'll be getting our freak on, getting our warm-up on, getting fired up for this weekend. | ||
| Me and Mad Flavor will be... | ||
| I don't know if Duncan is going to be able to make it this weekend, but I know Ari's coming. | ||
| Dom Herrera's coming. | ||
| Can Ian come? | ||
| Has Ian got a gig tomorrow night? | ||
| Tomorrow? | ||
| I'll ask him. | ||
| Find him. | ||
| Find out. | ||
| And Little Esther as well. | ||
| Little Esther's coming. | ||
| And Brian Redman's coming. | ||
| Esther can't do it. | ||
| She can't do it? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| She got some more important shit happen? | ||
| Oh wait, no, she can do it. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| You're fucking with people's emotions! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude! | |
| Alright, this podcast is officially over. | ||
| We will see you tomorrow at 2pm with Dr. Peter Dewsburg and Brian Callen and we'll talk about AIDS. The good AIDS. Good night, everybody. | ||
| Go to Onnit.com O-N-N-I-T and go fuck yourself. |
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