Brian Redban reveals Joe Rogan’s first podcast episode was "unlistenable" due to mic feedback and dead air, while Rogan jokes about early technical disasters like Joey Diaz’s sabotage. They discuss Rogan’s upcoming Sirius deal, selecting 12 episodes—including #100 with Duncan Trussell, who’ll return to talk about his psychedelic "elf" encounter—and Redban’s own mushroom retreat near Santa Barbara. Rogan muses on evolution blending humans into a single species, dismissing UFO abductions as sleep paralysis or psychedelics, and criticizes Harvard’s John Mack for sloppy research. The episode celebrates Rogan’s global impact, from Australian fan reactions to podcasting’s rise, while he promotes The Fleshlight with code ROGAN and calls listeners "the coolest motherfuckers." [Automatically generated summary]
Actually, I remember a while ago when Justin TV came out, we used to always be on the road in the green room, and I always tried to set up a video in the green room thing.
We did it a few times with Joey Diaz, and then Joey Diaz got pissed and twisted my finger.
Remember that?
He got mad because he didn't want the camera on anymore, and he grabbed my hand and started twisting my finger.
The worst is when you're thinking about not taking a shit, and then you do, and you go, God, I can't believe I was just going to walk around for the next couple hours with that inside of me.
And I left it here, though, and immediately when I saw it, I'm like, oh my god, that video could easily have just gotten out, and that's how it happens.
Psychedelic Salon's kind of cool because it's a podcast, but really it's a bunch of old audio recordings, like old Terrence McKenna recordings or, you know, stuff like that.
So I listen to that stuff, but...
Honestly, I try to listen to the news.
I listen to talk radio for two reasons.
One, to see if there's anybody that I agree with.
And two, to see if there's anybody that's just completely out to lunch.
I listen to Patriot on Sirius Satellite Radio.
The reason why I listen to it, it's all fucking bananas.
It's all these crazy assholes that want to bury gold and they're ready for the whole thing to come tumbling down.
They got their guns ready.
And this Obama, what he's trying to do with this air gun...
Every time I'm away from L.A., this is the reason, one of the things that maybe we should leave L.A. someday, because every time I'm away from L.A., like, I was out of town this weekend, and when I was away, I was like, now's a good time.
If shit was to happen, this would be a good time, because I'm kind of out of the crowd.
I could escape easier, you know, because there's not a whole bunch of traffic in Solvain, and, like, I think I have, like, a whole suitcase of shit.
I think at a certain point in time, it becomes completely unnecessary to be in such a large group of people.
The only benefit of it is that because there's so many people, you're going to get, and especially because it's such a desired area, you get a lot of fascinating people here.
Yeah, and if I had it set up like this, like if I had it set up like this in Colorado and you had it set up like this in California and we just Skyped it together, we could do a podcast.
It'd be pretty easy.
Then once I show you how sweet Colorado is, you're going to want to move too.
No, like, sometimes, you know, like, I'll have sex, and then, you know, when I come, and then I'll take the condom, throw away, put a new condom on so I can continue, and then not come again, but I forget I have that condom on.
No, I didn't know it was on there, but it's crazy how much pee comes out so fast, because it was like a full balloon when I looked down, and the first thing you do...
But what's crazy, your first thing to do is like, holy shit, and so I just kind of pulled it off, and the weight of the pee dropped into the toilet and just started spraying out back out of the toilet, and it would piss everywhere.
Well, I know friends that are on that Adderall shit, and they just said, oh, I needed it to concentrate, and...
Okay, I guess, but it's speed.
I can't think you're going to last very long on speed.
I don't like what it feels like.
I'll have a cup of coffee during the podcast, and one cup of coffee is fine, but if I have two cups of coffee during the podcast, after the podcast is over, I feel all amped up.
I noticed on the way home yesterday, because I had two cups of coffee here yesterday, and I noticed I was driving, and I'm like, why am I clenching my teeth?
Maybe if you, like, started doing something like throwing the discus or something, like, really physical, like, maybe you would, like, feel much better.
I think this Kinect thing, I don't know if you know what Kinect is, it's like that webcam thing that you put on top of your TV and it detects your body.
It works.
I don't know.
I haven't played that much, but the games I've played are fucking badass.
It's like where you just hold up your hand.
You can even do Netflix where you're streaming through movies going like this with your hand moving it left to right.
You're streaming through movies, and then if you want to pick one, you pull your hand out and grab it.
It's kind of like Minority Report or whatever, but they have games too where you don't have any controllers anymore.
You know, for the most part, they're cool, but, you know, there's just, there's too much of that hippie movement that wants people to help them, you know, and this is how I feel about that.
If I felt like everybody was on the ball and everybody was doing their best, and, you know, I'm a generous person, and I think one of the things about being generous is if you have the opportunity to do so, It feels really good to be generous, especially if it doesn't affect you.
It's not like you're being generous and it's hurting you.
So I think it's important.
But in passing, say you're passing love to the left, and there's a big circle of people, man.
The real problem is there's a lot of fucking people that never keep passing the love.
They take it and then they walk away.
There's some people that are always there for you.
There's some people and they're doing their best and they're living their life and you're doing your best and you're living your life and you're helping each other.
Hey man, can I borrow your truck?
I gotta move.
Fuck yeah, man.
Come on over.
Dude, anytime.
You got my shit.
We're friends.
You help me, I help you.
We're all together.
But we all know the few people that don't contribute.
They always need something and they don't contribute.
And my experience, that's my experience with hippies.
That's my experience with...
A lot of people that are really into socialist ideals, a lot of it is because they're fucking lazy, man.
They're fucking lazy and they don't work that hard.
And they don't do their part.
And they somehow or another feel like the whole system's unfair, man.
Which, fuck yeah, of course it is.
Of course it's unfair.
Of course it's corrupt.
Of course it's fucked up.
But that's not why you're a loser.
There's a lot of people that aren't losers.
Most people are losers because they're lazy as shit.
And they want to blame other people for that.
And they want to blame society.
Look, society is completely fucked.
But guess what?
It's not like there's one person that makes it fucked.
The whole thing is it's fucked because it's on a foundation of bullshit.
It doesn't make any sense.
But knowing that, you see what it is.
Make your path.
Make your path.
Figure out something that you can do to feed yourself, okay?
Figure out something you can do to put a roof over your head.
Just figure it out, man.
Fucking figure it out.
It doesn't mean you have to be a fucking asshole to be successful.
It doesn't mean you have to be a part of the system, man.
No, just stop asking people for money.
Stop being a fucking mooch.
Get your shit together, okay?
That's my problem with hippies.
My problem with hippies is Part of the whole idea of being a hippie is being really nice and being really relaxed.
And sometimes life does not call for that.
Sometimes life calls for you gotta get off your fucking ass and make something happen, man.
I had a friend who his girlfriend was having a baby.
This is many, many years ago.
And I had a fucking scream at this guy.
This guy was unemployed, and he couldn't get his shit together.
He couldn't make something happen.
He was trying to be a comedian for a while.
That didn't work out.
And then he was trying to do some other stuff.
He was trying to do some radio and a bunch of different things.
And we had this conversation, and I'm like, man, you've got to realize you're going to become that fucking guy.
You're going to become that unbelievably pathetic guy who can't feed his kids.
You gotta fucking do something, man.
You gotta make something happen.
And, you know, it's not, hey, you know, we really need some food.
Do you think you could help us?
That's the hippie approach.
To go to people and...
You gotta make your own fucking way.
You gotta make your own way.
And that was my problem with Boulder.
And that would ultimately, I'm sure, be my problem with Portland.
It's a bit of my problem with San Francisco.
And it's not that I'm not a kind person.
I'm a very kind person.
But I recognize the difference between someone who's in need and someone who's fucking lazy.
And there's a lot of people that are just weak.
They're weak as shit, man.
And they have no philosophy to live their life by.
They have no...
Discipline that they've developed over years of trying to accomplish things to the point where they have this sense of personal sovereignty.
They can take care of themselves.
And occasionally everybody needs help.
But if somebody will help you if they know that you're the type of person that will help them, and if you know that you're the type of person that does their best, What drives me nuts is when someone wants help.
I'm like, motherfucker, you're not even helping yourself.
Like, look what you're doing for yourself.
And you want someone else to step in and manage your fucking situation?
That's ridiculous, man.
That is the number one problem with the whole idea of everyone together, man.
The real problem is that everyone doesn't do their fucking part, man.
Yeah, the reason why I was asking about Burning Man is I've often thought the same thing, like, fuck hippies, you know, because I've been there, done that.
Yeah, I think if you're there, you just want to experience it.
That's what I would want to do.
Yeah, I perform enough, man.
I perform plenty.
You know, I think...
Freddy Soto used to say this back in the day.
You know, people used to offer Freddy gigs at, like, bars and stuff like that.
And he's like...
No, thank you.
I appreciate it, but I only do comedy clubs, man.
That's it.
And that was his...
He just was like, it's not worth it, man.
You go to these bars and everyone's talking and you can't do your act right.
You rush it because you're trying to get their attention.
And he was totally right.
You know, he's totally right.
And that's kind of how I am right now.
I only do shows...
I'll do, you know, here's my show.
I'm at this theater, come see me.
I'm at this comedy club, come.
And then there's no problems.
There's no hassles.
It is what it is.
But if you're just doing a fucking, like you're at a tent with some speakers and you're on this stage and all these people are all, they're all fucked out of their minds.
You know, why should they pay attention to you?
They shouldn't.
You would feel illegitimate standing there asking them to.
If you knew that everyone in the crowd was on mushrooms, you would have nothing to say.
Unless I'm on mushrooms too, what am I going to tell you guys?
I'm not going to tell you shit, man.
You're communicating with the alien overlords right now.
You know, these beings that have come on asteroids and their spores have infested this earth.
You're communicating with them through eating them.
What, I'm going to tell you some stupid dick jokes?
Yeah, but I think part of being into psychedelics and understanding psychedelics and have had psychedelic experiences, it sort of negates any idea of you wanting that sort of attention, like doing a show.
When you're doing a show, the beautiful thing about a show is that people enjoy it and they have a good fucking time.
They come see a comedy show, but that's not what you want to do when you're jazzed out of your head.
If you're on psychedelics, You don't want to go see a comedy show.
I don't want to see anything structured.
I certainly don't want someone on stage forcing their...
There's a lot of things you say on stage in a comedy show that's just to get a laugh.
That's what it's there for.
It's there to spice up the show, to have more fun, and those things will stand out like fucking wet shits in your underwear.
They're just like, oh, what's this?
If you're on Mushrooms, every jokey joke that you have will just be like, bleh!
When I first met Doug, I thought the whole marijuana thing was kind of like an act, kind of like an Andrew Dice Clay, kind of like he was doing it.
I mean, he might have smoked weed, but I didn't think he was the crazy stoner.
And just after hanging out with him that first night, oh, fuck, yeah, immediately, he's like, every five minutes, hey, let's go back to your hotel room and smoke some other joint.
Those guys involved in the medical marijuana, like normal, and those guys go so deep.
We were, not normal, but the cannabis cop, that was the deepest that I've ever been.
There was on Melrose.
In Hollywood, I was one of the judges, and it was at a head shop, and they closed the head shop down, they papered up the window so no one could see inside, they put a doorman in the back, locked the front, and then they turned the whole thing into this cannabis cup party.
Really fucking bold move, man.
Because they did this shit in the middle of Hollywood, and the place was just filled with weed.
I mean, it was unbelievable, and no one stopped.
They just kept going deeper and deeper and deeper.
Until I left there, I went to get something to eat.
I was like, there's no way I can drive home right now.
I just gotta hang out for a few hours.
I gotta hang out.
I mean, most of the time when you're high, driving is not an issue.
Because driving is not any more complicated than walking.
As long as you're not smoking indica, as long as you're not smoking some dopey weed, if you're driving and you're high, just be extra careful.
Watch what you're doing.
It doesn't affect your hand-eye coordination.
I mean, I do jujitsu on weed.
I kickbox on weed.
It's not a problem, but...
But I was so high then, I was like, no fucking way, man.
There's no way I'm going to drive this thing and risk not being in control of my senses.
I'm going to have a cup of coffee and have some food and just fucking sit back and read my cell phone for a little bit.
Go over my notes.
I'll sit down for a bit before I drive home.
It was too stupid.
Because you get to a certain point when people are like, everybody's handing you cookies.
Here's a vaporizer bag.
Hit this.
This is a new blunt paper that I developed.
Hit that.
And everyone's passing joints left to right.
It's like a never-ending, like a cyclone of joints getting passed around.
It was fucking ridiculous.
But you get to this point where...
You're not even high anymore.
It's not like you're high anymore.
It's like you're not there.
It's like you're in a room and the room has one window and it's a circular window.
And the room is like four by four wide.
You can't even move.
There's not even a toilet in it.
It's just you.
You in that room and that circular window.
And that circular window is now how you view the rest of the world.
You're looking out that window going, what the fuck is going on out there?
Because this is crazy.
I don't even know what's happening out there.
That's what it's like.
It's like you're detached from the world.
You're so high, you're detached.
But those things, if anybody ever wanted some sort of argument against the cause...
Right.
Go to one of those cannabis cups, man.
The good thing is, man, everybody is friendly as fuck.
I've been to, shit, a hundred medical marijuana shows or, you know, parties or parties at the Playboy Mansion.
Yeah, he started attacking me on Twitter just like today.
I was like, dude, alright, the thing I'm saying is I'm trying to make sure that people that are at home Can listen to this podcast and understand what's going on instead of having a million people talking at once.
Sometimes the three-year-old would get upset at the one-year-old.
If the one-year-old is getting too much attention, she'll take things from her and stuff.
It's just nature.
Nature wants you.
You want to collect all that love.
That's why people develop great personalities.
They develop great personalities because they realize somewhere along the line with rewards is that when you have a great personality, the reward is people are always nice to you.
You get all this nice energy.
People want to be around you.
That's the reason why great personalities get invented.
Because people become whores for other people's love.
That's really what it is.
It's a beautiful thing in both ways, but really the root of it all is that people really want positive attention.
So when you see jealousy in little kids and then you see jealousy in grown adults, You know, you see like really petty shit and haters and I love to go on like those gossip blogs, you know, and just to read, I don't even know who these people are, you know, but someone will, you know, it'll be someone from The Bachelor or someone from, I just like to read the comments.
I don't even know what the fuck the story's about.
Half the time I campaigned his baby and his mom and they're in court.
If I was on a date, perhaps, back in the day, I would order a glass of wine or a bottle of wine, but I would never order a glass of wine while I was eating dinner.
But now I do all the time.
I do all the time.
I like a nice, strong red wine with a steak.
It just tastes better.
There's this thing, the flavor is all combining.
And as I've gotten...
Matt Lichtenberg, my buddy, Is a huge wine fanatic.
He's a wine geek.
He has this crazy wine cellar in his home with some insane amount of money worth of wine in it.
He's one of those guys that can tell you why a wine is good and what year it's good and what part of the country it comes from and all that kind of shit.
And when you're around a guy like that and they know so much about wine, then you start to sort of appreciate it.
Like, oh, okay, this is some weird tasting art form.
It's like they're trying to create this ultimate taste and it's a very specific taste.
And if you're not, it's a weird thing, like the whole idea of acquired taste.
I used to think that was so stupid.
Like, why would you acquire a taste for something like caviar?
The fucking stuff, you know, it's super expensive, and it really kind of tastes like shit when you first take it.
Why wouldn't you just, okay, it tastes like shit forever, and this is what it is.
I don't have to worry about it anymore.
But no, people get into it, and then they start getting more and more expensive taste.
Then you're getting stuff that's thousands and thousands of dollars.
Salty, fucking stupid fish eggs.
Well, wine is kind of like that, too.
The first time you try wine, when you're a little kid or something, who the fuck would get into that?
But when you really get a nice Pinot Noir and a delicious steak, and you're cut into that steak, and then you have a sip of the wine, all the flavors together, it takes a while to appreciate it.
But knowing someone who knows as much about wine as I do, I mean, he tells me so much about, you know, it's all about how they put it in what kind of barrels they use, store it, and how they store it, and how long they store it, and how long has it been bottled for, and...
You know, I've been joking around about it in my act a little bit about the mass bird deaths that happened, about how birds are really dinosaurs that survived.
But they really are.
I mean, that's the closest relative to the dinosaur is the bird.
People walking around outside without sunscreen, man, be fucking careful.
If you see some little mark on you, man, People die from weird skin little things when you're out there getting burnt and you don't think it's a big deal.
Well, I'm not at risk because I'm fairly dark skinned.
I get tanned pretty easily, but I don't fuck around the sun, man.
But Rick is pale.
He's white like paper.
You gotta be careful as fuck.
And he's always out in the sun.
He's like Mr. Outdoorsy.
He's got this giant piece of property, and he's got property in Colorado.
Ricky Schroeder's an interesting guy, man.
He's a super outdoorsman character.
He's always out there chopping wood and shit and getting things done.
He wishes he lives on a farm or something like that.
I think growing up poor, or rather growing up super rich, Growing up rich and famous from the time, as early as he can remember, he was a celebrity and he was rich.
So he's always had so much fucking money that I think he likes driving around pickup trucks.
He likes doing manual labor and shit like that.
But when you do that, you've got to put your sunscreen on, homie.
Yeah.
Especially California, out here, this fucking heat, the sun constantly beating down on you.
If you think about a subject and it's an obvious subject for a joke, chances are someone's already done 100 jokes on it, you know?
You know when I looked up the other day?
You know, I'm writing this chapter in my book.
with porn.
And so I was talking about the moment that I realized that the internet was taking porn to a whole new level was the moment, I forget who it was, it might have been Duncan, sent me an email and the email heading said "Home Run" and then I opened up the email and it just said "I love people" in all capital letters and a link.
So I clicked the link and it opens up, it's Belladonna on all fours with a baseball bat stuffed in her asshole.
I mean, it's stuffed in there.
Fat and first, which I didn't even think was possible.
And I remember double facepalming like the Home Alone kid and going, this bitch is just taking shit to another level.
She stuffed the baseball.
And then I thought about it.
Or is she taking it to another level?
And I went and did a Google search.
And there's 2,800,000 hits for baseball bat in the ass.
And I think that might have been during the heyday.
You know, I think nowadays, I don't, you know, those girls were getting like half a million dollar vivid deals.
You remember?
I remember hanging out with Jenna Jamison's husband and he was a producer and he was giving me the whole skinny on how much money there is in the porn industry.
And this dude, you know, he had all the numbers and I was like, that is incredible.
Yeah, most of these are websites, you know, fetish websites or, you know, exchanging content.
I think that the weirdest thing about knowing all these porn stars, I think the saddest thing, is not even what, how they got into it or that they do it, because I don't have a problem with it, is that their future, because a lot of them don't have an idea.
I mean, is that where you go to, you know, like a truck stopper, is that really older woman, then you're just like, wow, she used to be a, you know, playboy bunny.
Well, you know, look, this avenue, this internet avenue, has opened up the door to the point where there's way, way, way more porn stars than there ever were back in the day.
And porn is so much more available.
When I was a kid, the way you got porn was magazines.
When I was a kid, VHSs came out while I was in high school.
I remember we got one.
It was like a big deal at our house.
And my dad had a couple, my stepfather had a couple...
Porn's laying around the house, too.
And I got to watch those, too.
And I was like, what the hell is this?
You know, to go from, like, it never existed or every now and then you saw a magazine.
And the weird thing about those magazines were they had rules.
So you'd buy a porn magazine, but there was rules.
And one of the rules was the man couldn't have a hard-on.
Back then there was no magazines that showed hard-ons.
And I think, I mean, none that you could find.
And it was like, you know, you'd ask the guy at the counter if you were bold, you know, at the bookstore, but you didn't really want to ask him.
Like, hey, how come nobody's dick's hard?
What's going on here?
You know, you don't really bring it up to him.
But there was always like these weird poses where...
They would be in, like, not just one, but, like, 20 different poses, and in each one of them, the girl's, like, moaning like she's an exe, and the dude doesn't have a hard-on.
Like, in every one of them, it's like, what is the message that they're trying to send you?
You know, what is the message that they're trying to send you?
Is it that...
This is just how the universe works and that women that are way hotter than you could ever possibly imagine will always wind up with gay guys and you're going to be alone by yourself jerking off onto pictures of them.
Is that what it is?
What is the message?
Why can't they have hard-ons?
They're naked and they're there.
And then the surreality of it all comes into play because you see all these 20 different scenes.
You're like, this bitch is not giving up.
In every scene, she's super enthusiastic.
She seems non-judgmental.
This guy can't get it up.
And she's doing everything for him.
She's posing.
She's got her ass up in the air.
She's lying on her back with her leg spread, sucking on her fingers.
She's letting him pick her up.
And he's holding her by the ass.
And his dick's still limp.
It's still limp.
And this bitch is just there for him the whole way.
Eventually, he's going to get a hard-on.
I know it.
I just keep posing for him.
And so she's in all these weird poses and never loses interest.
Never has the, you know, it should be like at least the 18th or 19th pose.
She should be like, what the fuck?
Like, what's going on?
Like, why do you have my legs spread and, you know, you're laying your limp dick on my pelvis.
It only lasted back when people couldn't move to other places.
When you were stuck in China and everybody else was in China, well, you fed off the same gene pool and you produced Chinese people.
You know, but once the Africans got to, you know, the Northern Africa and Egypt, and things started getting weird, and they took over, you know, Cairo, and then they move into other places, and then the Moors, you know, hit Sicily, and then all these, you know, fucking the Spaniards come over on boats and fuck the American Indians, and then eventually, eventually, we're going to be a world culture.
I just don't see how you can keep people from interbreeding for the next millennia.
I just don't see it happening.
I think in the next thousand years, we're all going to be one shade, you know?
They think that's what happened with Neanderthals.
You know, Neanderthals got assimilated into the population.
They used to think they went extinct, but now they think they sort of went extinct because women wouldn't fuck them.
But men would fuck the women.
Men, human men, would fuck Neanderthal women and make babies with them.
I mean, if you look at monkeys and then you look at us, what is the difference?
Well, the monkeys have smaller heads.
Our heads are bigger.
Our muscles aren't as big.
We're softer.
We last longer.
We have nutrition and information and all that stuff.
Physically, we're far weaker than the chimps.
They're going to be more weak than us with bigger heads.
Their heads are going to be bigger.
They're going to be more smooth and less muscular and sinewy because they're not going to need that.
They're never going to be in combat.
They're never going to be fighting for their life against other bodies and trying to take down animals to eat them.
They're moved way, way, way, way past that shit.
That's, I mean, the human-alien connection, you know, for a lot of people, they believe that what their alien image represents, whether it's real or imagined, what it represents is humans from the future.
And that the eventual metamorphosis of the human animal, the morphing, the evolving, will ultimately lead to something like that.
We look at inherently all our issues.
Well, first of all, we have sexual issues.
We have emotional issues.
We have, you know, anger issues.
We have all these things.
Well, all the depictions of the aliens, they've gone completely past all that shit.
You eliminate all your sexual issues if you can reproduce, you know, outside of a male-female environment.
If you're able to reproduce completely in laboratories or in, you know, petri dishes or whatever the fuck they're doing.
You know, if you're...
If the human animal moves past reproduction in a natural way, I mean, that might be...
What if they found out that babies were 100% smarter and they lived twice as long and they were five times more resistant to diseases if you raised them in a test tube, if everybody raised them outside of the womb in some new machine that someone created?
Well, every woman would want that.
Why would you want your kid to be stupid?
Because you want to carry it around inside you, you selfish cunt.
There's another thing that I got from Transcendent, man.
The Ray Kurzweil documentary that I watched.
Fucking awesome shit, man.
But he talks about the upcoming advances in solar power.
Solar power is going to be the shit, man.
It's going to be driving cars, man.
They're going to have solar-powered cars in the next 20, 30 years.
It's all...
All eventually is moving us towards the aliens, man.
I mean, they really might be the ideas of...
I don't believe...
I don't believe they exist or that they don't exist.
I don't believe that, you know, people are really seeing flying saucers, and I don't believe that everything that people see is a government spacecraft.
It's very possible that it could be something from another dimension or something from another world or something from some even hokey, ridiculous, cliche description from like a 1950s sci-fi movie.
I'm not discounting the possibility of that, but I've looked at all these different people, all their stories and all their...
It doesn't jive, man.
It doesn't jive to me.
I have a An awesome bullshit detector.
I'm currently reading this John Mack book.
John Mack was actually a professor at Harvard who started doing past life hypnotic regression shit with people.
Hypnotic regression, not past life, but in their past, like abduction stuff.
Because he was dealing with all these different people that had very, very similar experiences where they were abducted, you know, repeatedly over many times in their life.
But I'm looking at the work and I'm reading his stuff and I'm like, God, this is so embarrassing.
It's like squirrely work.
It's like this guy has he's gone.
He's made a conclusion in his mind already.
And what he's doing in his work is not like he's not exploring all the possibilities.
He's kind of like pushing towards this conclusion.
And the latest one that I'm reading is like, it's so sloppy because he's telling all these stories about all these people and all the, you know, they're, I want to know a lot of other shit about these people.
I want to know about what their experience was like, you know, first when I was eight.
I was alone in a cabin.
I knew something was there with me.
I saw the dark eyes in the corner of the room.
Really?
Were you on lithium?
Were you crazy?
Are you crazy at all?
Is anyone else in your family crazy?
Because there's a lot of crazy motherfuckers out there, and they tell some crazy stories.
And all you need to know about this whole UFO abduction experience, the one most important point, is that it all happens at night.
Well, when the fuck are you dreaming?
When the fuck do you have the most realistic, bizarre dreams?
The other night I had some crazy fucking dream.
I was on a dragon.
I was reading from these scrolls that the words would light up on fire as you read them so you could only read it once.
I mean, this is bizarre.
Yeah, it's a cool-ass dream.
But it was a fucking dream, alright?
It was really obvious to me when I woke up.
Like, wow, what a crazy-ass dream.
Well, what is a dream?
What a dream is, is your mind reaches a certain state in REM sleep, where rapid eye movement takes place, and all sorts of crazy chemicals, psychedelic chemicals, start being produced by your body.
And they all pass the blood-brain barrier, and you have all these nutty fucking experiences, and you and your cousin Mikey, and you're on sleds, and you're running from Godzilla.
Like, what is that?
Is that real sleds?
Should we investigate whether there's sleds in space, whether Godzilla's real?
Well, a lot of them, the interviews that they do with them are so telling.
They're really fascinating.
And not necessarily that the people are stupid.
And it's not even necessarily that they're lying.
Because a lot of them, I don't think, are lying.
I think what a lot of them are is, first of all, people live some boring ass fucking shitty lives.
They're boring as fuck.
And if something happens and all of a sudden that something gives your life meaning, like, oh my god, instead of it being some sleep paralysis thing where your brain has this endogenous dump of psychedelic chemicals that are natural in the brain anyway, instead of that being the case, like, no, no, no, I have been visited and I have information that I have to give to the people of the world.
Well, you know, if you have a natural psychedelic experience or if you have A real psychedelic experience where you take a drug and you're planning it out.
Either one is going to give you a very similar experience.
And that experience is, what you're doing is totally wrong.
Everybody's fucked up.
You need to get your shit together.
How about an analysis of yourself, an analysis of life on the planet, and let's look at this other than the way we're looking at it right now because this obviously isn't working.
That's the theme to every mushroom trip, the theme to every acid trip, the theme to every Time you eat a pot brownie.
You want to reconstruct the whole thing and put it back together again in a way that's rational and that makes sense.
And this experience these people are having when the aliens are telling them, well, we need to get your shit together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're high, dude.
You're high.
You're tripping.
You're seeing things in the closet.
It's that simple.
There's no evidence, man.
All these people that are talking, oh, I got a nick on my shin.
That guy in Philadelphia the other day, thank you whoever you are, some guy came to the show and handed the manager a book, and the book got to me, and it's all patents on aircrafts that the government has, like U.S. patents.
My dream has already been not just reached, but surpassed.
When we first started doing this, when you and I first started doing this in episode one, we were just fucking around, man.
We were just sitting in front of the computer and we just thought it'd be fun to have some little kind of silly show that we would do for people that were on the message board.
That's mostly what it was.
And people on Twitter.
But now it's become like a radio show.
Now it's become...
This way to tell people about shows that we never had before.
You know, it used to be you would go on a radio show and, you know, you would hope that some of the people listening were your fans or hope that you could say something funny enough to convince them.
You know, on the radio, it's in the morning, you're fucking half awake.
Yeah, and plus, now, it looks like I'm recording the special in June, so if that happens, then...
I'll have to have all new shit by the time September rolls around.
So I've got a lot of work to do.
That's exciting, man.
I've been writing a lot lately, man, because I'm trying to finish this book.
I've been writing like crazy, man.
Writing is so fucking satisfying.
It might be one of my favorite things to do.
I love the idea that you just sit in front of that computer and...
These ideas just start dancing in your head.
They start dancing.
They start arranging themselves on paper.
And then sometimes when an idea will come out and then another idea will follow it, I step back and look and I'm like, wow, it's this crazy thing that just happened through me.
This crazy idea that just happened through me.
And then it all...
Puts itself onto paper, and then the next thing you know, there's 100 pages.
Next thing you know, there's 200 pages.
It's like, wow!
It's such a fascinating process, man.
The creative process of actually sitting down and writing.
It's amazing, man.
I tried last night.
I was going to write just for an hour and then get in the tank, but sometimes every now and then you tap into a vein and you've got to stay there.
You can't go anywhere.
I just had one idea that I needed to write down before I went in the tank.
And as I was writing that idea down, something about writing, like say if you're thinking about a word, like if you're writing the word experience, it takes longer to write that word than it is to think of the concept of experience.
So it allows you to deeply consider everything that you're saying.
And then oftentimes, like when you're writing, I can seem so much smarter writing than I ever could just talking.
Yeah, they're always going to colleges or talking here with representatives.
They're always doing speeches if you look at his schedule.
There was that one time where they followed him around.
For a week, I forget what program did it.
And it was just like, his schedule was pretty much from when he'd wake up, just going from one place to another, giving a speech, giving a speech, giving a speech.
And one of his most famous speeches is one that he wrote, one of the ones when he was running for office.
He's a smart guy, and he's a very good speechwriter, but The whole idea of having a speech written out for you by a bunch of other people is kind of offensive to me.
It's like, what the fuck are you doing being the leader if you've got all these people telling you exactly what to say?
And, you know, you're following all these charts and graphs and this is what the people want and so let's give them this and this is sort of in the middle and we'll lower their expectations with that and then we'll hit them with this to make them happy.
It's just, it's like so obvious that we're being played.
You know, that's what drives me nuts about speech writing, about the idea of it.
So it's just like, They're not even trying to pretend that they're not playing you.
They're not even trying to pretend that this guy wrote this shit himself.
He's just up there reading off a fucking teleprompter and you're just going, yay!
If you wanted to give speeches on podcasting or speeches on something that you know a lot about, like if you wanted to give speeches on how to be a good video editor, you could do that.
You could easily do a seminar on video editing.
If you ever wanted to, if people were into your internet videos, you could come up with a bunch of bulletin points.
Of things that you need to consider.
Like, hey, brevity.
You want to make it under 10 minutes.
You want this.
You want that.
This is my best video, and this is why.
And the good thing about this video is it starts off in one point, and then it goes back in time, and then it brings you forward again.
And then you could easily do something like that.
Anything that you're into, man, you could teach other people how to do it.
And then he wrote something about it, admitting it.
And this is what he wrote.
According to wise and fair denizens of the internet, this is after he's been busted.
According to the wise and fair denizens of the internet, this behavior is proof that I am a thin-skinned troll, asshole, dick, fame whore, egomaniac, douche nozzle, misogynist.
That list might sound bad to you, but keep in mind that I was starting from a pretty low base, so I think my reputation is trending up.
Like, I used to read Doonesbury, and I remember Doonesbury was the smart one, man.
It was really smart.
The only time to me it was even remotely interesting was when they had Raul, Raul Duke, who was the Hunter S. Thompson character who would come in with guns and start shooting shit up.
And, you know, it was like Hunter S. Thompson's, they kind of like, he has his character Raul Duke from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
You know, he like The novel is sort of based very loosely on him and his friend Oscar and the crazy shit they did when they were on drugs in Vegas.
And this guy from Doonesbury just sort of co-opted that character, sort of stole it, stole his intellectual property and started using it as characters inside of his Doonesbury comic.
I thought that was kind of cool.
It was kind of funny that he did that.
Those were fun.
But other than that, most of it was really like nothing.
It's like the jokes were like, whew.
Like, do you ever read like Marmaduke or something like that?
I think, like stand-up comics, some cartoons are so bad, they, like...
turn you off to other cartoons. - Wow. - Like I've talked to people that have been to like shitty comedy shows, like nah, I'm not really into live comedy.
- Right. - Like whoa, you're not into a live comedy.
Okay, what are you talking about?
Have you ever gone to see Louis C.K.?
Okay, go see Louis C.K. and then tell me if you're into live comedy.
'Cause you might not be into some douchebags at the Chuckle Hut, you know, that are telling nonsense jokes, but go to see Chris Rock.
Go to see, you know, Dave Chappelle.
Go to see a real comic.
You're gonna love comedy, man.
Don't get crazy.
You go see Joey Diaz, and if you don't laugh, you don't have a fucking pulse, right?
I'm just reading these facts that were on dig.com today, facts about masturbation.
And it's going through that male kangaroos have been known to give themselves blowjobs and female porcupines have been witnessed using wooden sticks as dildos.
I've told this story before, but in the interest of brevity, a girl that I was working with did the bit for me because she was telling me how funny he was.
And she was lying on her stomach in the parking lot going, Oh, oh!
You mean life keeps fucking you in the ass even after you're dead?
It never ends!
And I remember thinking like, wow, what is this guy like?
This guy must be the funniest guy ever.
And then I got a hold of his HBO special and I got a chance to see it.
That was probably the one moment when I was 19 years old with that girl on her stomach in the parking lot telling me that joke.
That was one of the few moments in my life where a spark went off in my head like, wow, maybe I should do that.
Maybe I should be a fucking comedian.
You know, when I was 19, I had no idea what the hell was going to happen in my future.
I didn't know what I was going to do.
But I was already starting to think, like, maybe, you know, maybe I have to find something.
You know, maybe it's not martial arts.
I have to find, like, something else to do.
Like, maybe it was this.
This fucking guy's on his stomach, you know, pretending to get fucked in the ass.
Like, there was nothing like that back then, man.
But I think his joke was based on a true story.
It was in L.A. Some people got arrested for paying the morticians to spend a few hours undisturbed with the freshest male corpses.
I think if I was a mortician, and I think if you get a hot chick, that there'd be, sometimes you're sitting in this basement by yourself, you'd be like, I'm definitely gonna touch this dude.
You know, the cool thing is that you could just pretty much fucking rip skin if you wanted to fuck that ass really hard, you know, and you just fucking just start ripping it.
Before we get going, there was some questions on the Rogan board that I'm perusing through, and some of them we've actually already answered.
And some of them...
Here's one.
What are your thoughts on listeners supporting the podcast financially?
It's not necessary.
The podcast, as I said, is a great method for me to promote shows and promote all the other stuff that we do.
And we get sponsorships.
The more you guys listen, the more we get sponsors.
I mean, we just have this fleshlight right now, but that's mostly because we're going to be moving to Sirius very soon.
Both, obviously.
We will still be live and free on the internet.
It'll still be on iTunes for free.
It'll still be available for download on the website for free.
But it'll also be on Sirius Satellite Radio, just so more people can listen to it and just I like Sirius.
I have it in my car.
It's an awesome service.
And I think it's just another avenue for us to get heard.
And we're not even getting paid for it.
The same thing as Stitcher.
I'm for all of those things.
And the more of these things that we do, the more it...
I've never had this many people come to my shows.
I've never had...
It's obvious that this is a good thing.
You know, it's obvious that there's a benefit for me in that and the promotional aspect of it.
And there's a benefit in people that they get this free entertainment, man.
And it's a benefit for us, too.
You know, over the course of the year or so that we've been doing this, one of the coolest things that really made me appreciate, I was bummed out when I had to come back here from Colorado.
I have this idea of raising my kids in a place where it's a little more calm, there's less people, there's less of the pressures of Hollywood, there's sort of the bullshit materialism of this area, this part of the country.
It's a silly part of the country.
There's a lot of cool people here, but it's also a very silly part of the country.
So I was bummed out, man, when the dog got eaten by the mountain lion and when Mrs. Rogan got pregnant and we had to come back.
To me, it was like, fuck, I was gone.
I made it out of this place.
I had escaped and now I'm back again.
But what really made me appreciate this place was this podcast and was having all these cool people come over all the time.
Having Ari over, having Eddie over, having Joey over, having Bert Kreischer and Russell Peters and Tom Green, I'm like, you know, I sit back and I go, God, this is so much fucking fun.
You know, somehow or another, we have like a real, legit national radio show.
And not even national, man, worldwide.
Because we had a fuckload of podcast fans in Australia.
That's on the other side of the fucking planet.
And when I asked them about the podcast, they went nuts.
So it's a worldwide sort of a thing, man.
And, you know, and...
Who the fuck knew when we did this that it would be what it is now?
Who knew that every week would be in the top five of iTunes?
And slowly along the line, it's become something...
It is itself now.
You know what I mean?
Now we don't think about how to do it.
We came over here...
Brian came over here today...
And we didn't even have to talk.
We talked about just normal shit like we always do.
This is our 100th episode, man.
It's a big deal.
But we were like, well, we should do it together.
Yeah, let's just do you and me for the 100th.
And then that was all the thing we had to talk about.
It is its own thing.
It's got its own life to it now.
And all the people that send me emails, man, and all the Twitter messages, and all the people that I meet in the comedy clubs, I appreciate the fuck out of that.
I think it is one of my biggest accomplishments In my career is this podcast and that message board and both of those things.
And the whole internet group are bringing all these cool people together.
And the positive energy that I get from all these people at shows and the positive reactions that I get.
So many people coming up to me and telling me that this podcast helps them think differently.
It changes the way they look at life.
It changes the way they view their friends.
It changes the way they view how they interact with other people.
You know, I couldn't be happier, man.
I couldn't be happier that we did this.
And this wouldn't have happened if I didn't give in and come back from Colorado.
If I decided to stay in Colorado, we would have never done this.
Look, I've been taking 5-HTP, and I've had some pretty powerful results.
I feel like it makes sentences form easier.
I feel like there's more circulation in my brain or something.
I mean, I don't know what it is, but 5-HTP has given me a very tangible benefit.
And there's some other stuff that I took that gave me some good benefits as well.
But what we did, what Chris did, with this nootropic formula, it's called like alpha brainwave nootropic formula, I was going to call it.
What we did was take all of the best nootropics, which are nutrients for the brain, and condense them into, I think it's like two pills.
And all these people, the case studies, had some really positive experiences with it.
I'm excited.
It's all legit stuff.
It's all stuff that people have reported actually helps brain function.
We're going to combine it into one thing.
And I think nutrition and mental nutrition and physical nutrition, all of it, is one of the most underlooked keys to happiness for people.
I mean, we have a friend that got on antidepressants, and this motherfucker eats Cheetos every night and never works out.
And I was like, yo, dude, if you took care of that body, I guarantee you, you'd feel a little bit better.
I mean, I'm not saying you don't have an issue that maybe needs to be corrected chemically, because I'm not inside your head.
But I know for a fact, my own brain, if I didn't work out, I would not be nearly as happy.
I would have all this extra pent up shit.
You gotta get that out, man.
And you gotta treat this fucking vehicle good.
Give this vehicle vitamins, man.
I drink fresh squeezed juices every morning.
Every morning when I'm at home, I squeeze, I get ginger and raw garlic and carrots and celery.
And I blend it all together, and you feel so fucking good.
You're getting all those raw nutrients in your body.
I have a lot of friends who are very, very smart, but they almost think that there's something vain and trivial and foolish about taking care of your body.
They smoke cigarettes, or they eat shitty food, and they never exercise, they never take care of themselves.
It's like, man, you're missing out on a big chunk of life.
It's annoying.
It's annoying to have to go to the gym.
That's why it's good to learn a martial art or it's good to pick up a sport or racquetball or something where you're forced to move around, where it's fun, it's part of the whole game.
But find some way.
Find some way to take care of your fucking body.
Find some fucking way, man.
Take some fucking vitamins, even if it's just multivitamins and fish oil.
Even if it's just that, that will make a fucking difference.
And so many people don't, man.
So many people just ride it out and they just hope it all is going to fucking stay together.
I switched my 5-HTP to Chris's brand, which is called Roll On or Roll Over.
I can't remember which one it is.
It's the blue bottle.
And it's great, too.
It's 175 milligrams, I think it was.
Do you feel a difference after taking 5-HTP? I've been taking it for over a month, and that and the resveratrol, I think, are two of the best things I take.
I mean, I take fish oil and a multivitamin every day, but I think those two are the things that I've noticed the biggest from.
No, I mean, well, to a point, if you get cancer, obviously, but I mean, there's a chart, I think, like, after a year, you're pretty much back to normal.
Well, we talked to her for like five hours on the plane, too.
But yeah, she did remember his name.
Yeah, I mean, look, it's tough these days for a comic to get notoriety just for their stand-up.
You know, you have to get on something where people see you.
There's just so much entertainment value.
You know, you have to have a Comedy Central special.
You have to have something.
And Ari's at a bit of a disadvantage, just like Joey is, in that they're both ruthlessly dirty, you know, which is really hilarious, but it's hard to clean that shit up for, you know, a seven-minute spot at Live at Gotham or something like that, you know.
It was always hard for me, too, when I first started out, to clean it up for a 10-minute set or a 7-minute set.
7-minute sets are hard in the first place because it's like just getting a joke out.
It's like, fuck, when you want to do a set, you want to open up, get their respect, get some laughs, and then slowly settle into your view of things.
But you can't do that in 10 minutes, man.
In 10 minutes, you've got to slam them with some shit and then just get the fuck out of there.
And that...
That's something that Ari hasn't done yet.
He hasn't really, really knocked one out of the park and then got a half an hour Comedy Central special and then got an hour Comedy Central special.
And he doesn't do enough updating on his website either.
He's, I mean, you know, I was...
Look, I've had a website since 1998, and there's thousands of blog entries.
And I'm a busy guy.
You've got to write things.
You've got to give people things.
Like Twitter.
Look, I write a lot of shit on Twitter.
It's like, hey, the podcast is about to start.
Or, hey, I'm about to do this gig.
Or, hey, come see me here.
But a lot of the rest of it is just me writing things that I think are funny and interesting.
Or some link that somebody sent me that's interesting.
I'm retweeting it.
I want it entertaining.
I want to make sure it's entertaining.
Because...
It's a part of that whole system of promoting yourself, of getting yourself out there, of being able to work.
And Ari hasn't really embraced that.
He embraced the Twitter a little bit.
He writes funny tweets every now and then, but he needs to be real proactive, like his website.
It's not like he's got a wife and kids and a job and an excuse to not be doing all this stuff, you know?
But at least he's doing his podcast on your Death Squad network.
And it's the skeptic tank, if you're looking for it.
You know what's weird is the whole thing is that when I was in middle school or something like a high school, freshman in high school, you had a shadow of the day job where you picked what you wanted to be when you grew up and you shadowed them for a day.
Right, right, right.
So I shadowed a radio station because I wanted to be a radio DJ.
We were actually in Columbus, Ohio when we did your DVD special and we were on that radio show and the guy was still working as a DJ. And I was like, you know what?
You were the guy when I was a kid that I hung out with this guy all day.
He took me to breakfast, took me to lunch, and now look at this.
Well, now he's not with Dig anymore, and everyone's pissed because he pretty much Dig's supposedly gone to shit since he left, and everyone's mad at him, I guess.
That's sort of an inside joke on this podcast that I'm a retard and I never turn my fucking phone off.
The real problem is I'm always usually on the phone right up until the time we start, and there's a bunch of them, and they're cordless, you know, so they're all floating around.
I never know where the fuck they are, and I usually just pull the plug out of the wall.
I did it yesterday.
I actually plugged it back in right before the show today because I had to make a call.
You don't give a fuck, and I wouldn't either.
The point is we've done this for 100 episodes now.
And then I realized, and I'm like, somewhere along the line, maybe that's why these crowds have been cooler lately.
Like, over the last, like, six months, the crowds have gotten noticeably cooler.
And they were always cool.
They were always cool.
There was always a huge percentage of cool people, but there was always people that didn't know what I was up to, and they were just, you know, something to do.