March 31, 2011 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:16:54
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Quarantine, baby! | ||
| How you holding up? | ||
| Getting through, man. | ||
| Are you weirded out or are you just accepting it? | ||
| I'm accepting it and I'm trying to stay positive. | ||
| I send you guys all the positive stats I get. | ||
| Well, I know several people that have gotten it and gotten over it. | ||
| The worst was Michael Yeo. | ||
| And I need to confirm this with Michael, but I'm pretty sure Michael had a cold and then caught the corona and then got pneumonia. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And he got it real bad. | ||
| Yeah, he's bad. | ||
| He got it real bad. | ||
| He was hospitalized for a week. | ||
| His post choked me up. | ||
| Did you see his Instagram post? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| And you see him coughing while he's doing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's such a good guy. | ||
| He's the nicest guy. | ||
| He's the nicest guy. | ||
| If we lost him, that'd be fucking... | ||
| That'd be a shame. | ||
| Devastating. | ||
| I know people that have gotten it, gotten over it. | ||
| Not much of a problem, you know? | ||
| And... | ||
| They just felt like shit for a couple days, then they're fine. | ||
| But that's the majority of people, Joe. | ||
| I know people get upset when I say that. | ||
| It's true, though. | ||
| It's true, though. | ||
| Those are the numbers. | ||
| The majority of the people get it, and they're fine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What I'm hoping is they come up with a legitimate treatment where it's like, this is confirmed that if you take hydroxychloroquine, you know, with Z-Pak, if they say something like that, This is confirmed. | ||
| If they say, we got it covered, folks. | ||
| We no longer have to worry about people dying of coronavirus. | ||
| We just catch it real early. | ||
| Sort of like Tamiflu or some other things that... | ||
| Look, staph used to fucking kill the shit out of people. | ||
| Oh, tons. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Killed a lot of people. | ||
| Infections killed a lot of fucking people. | ||
| Now they give you antibiotics. | ||
| I mean, imagine if jujitsu killed people. | ||
| Imagine if you went to the gym and you got staph and you died. | ||
| How many fucking people would train? | ||
| I wouldn't train. | ||
| Nobody would train. | ||
| You'd be so terrified of staph. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Well, that's how we are right now with this coronavirus. | ||
| We're worried because we don't have, like, a rock-solid, legitimate treatment or a vaccine. | ||
| But that hydrochloridine, whatever the hell it is, in Z-Pak, is supposed to work. | ||
| The trials that they've seen, right? | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| For some people. | ||
| You know, it's what they call anecdotal evidence. | ||
| It's not 100% proven clinical trial, peer-reviewed, where they can say, hey, we had 160 people that were coronavirus positive. | ||
| We put them on this hydroxychloroquine. | ||
| It takes a lot of time. | ||
| It takes a lot of time. | ||
| We don't have time. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But there's a few doctors in New York that have implemented it and some very positive results, according to them. | ||
| Now, is that enough to say, hey, we're good? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I think what's funny is in our group of friends, you have some who won't step a foot outside their house. | ||
| They have some who are kind of in the middle. | ||
| They have some who are super loosey-goosey. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's just like the Rolodex. | |
| The real problem is with people who are compromised. | ||
| Old people. | ||
| You know, people whose immune system is already fragile. | ||
| And now the thing is, if you or I got it, we'd be fine, hopefully. | ||
| But then what if you gave it to your grandma? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Don't go around your grandma, dumbass. | ||
| Don't go around your grandma. | ||
| This is the real... | ||
| I think the real way to handle this moving forward is probably going to be something along the lines of make sure that old people aren't exposed, make sure that high-risk people are not exposed, and make sure that you don't expose yourself to them if you have it. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| Get your ass back to work. | ||
| Yeah, and hopefully there's some sort of a treatment. | ||
| But get your ass back to work is really important. | ||
| Hell yeah, it is. | ||
| There's so many businesses going under. | ||
| I don't think we've seen anything like this ever. | ||
| It's scary, man. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| And I don't think ever in the history of America there's been a thing where everything just like instantly shut down. | ||
| No one works. | ||
| No one does anything. | ||
| Everyone stays home. | ||
| And how long are we going to do it for, though? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think they're saying the end of May now. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| In California. | ||
| That's what I've heard. | ||
| In California, the governor's kind of a pussy. | ||
| And he was talking about, you know, we might go on, it might be like this for a year, you know? | ||
| Did he say that? | ||
| Yeah, he said that. | ||
| So, again, he's a giant pussy. | ||
| But when you hear Trump, he was talking to some reporter that asked him a question, and he said, I'm thinking, you know, we're not far off from after Easter. | ||
| Open things back up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, if people... | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| It's so tough. | ||
| It's so tricky. | ||
| It's so tough. | ||
| Like, look, if it's just us in this room, I'm not that worried because I take a lot of vitamins. | ||
| I'm in the fucking sauna every day. | ||
| I have a very strong immune system. | ||
| You're fit. | ||
| I take probiotics. | ||
| When you walked in, I said, I will lick your face right now. | ||
| You said, what are we doing? | ||
| Hugging? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| I said, I will lick your fucking face, Joe. | ||
| I'm not scared of shit. | ||
| I'm healthy as hell. | ||
| Yeah, but that's the difference between someone who's actively taking care of their body and does so all year round. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Versus people who are always boozing, have high blood pressure, are overweight. | ||
| I'm talking to you, Burk Raja. | ||
| You always think you're talking about... | ||
| I just want to let them know what I am! | ||
| Look, I love the guy. | ||
| I don't want him to die. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| There's a lot of people like that, though, that we're friends with. | ||
| That's on you, homie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Get in shape, dude. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| If it bounces right off you, but it kills someone that's your age, whose fault is that? | ||
| If they're severely out of shape? | ||
| It's kind of their fault. | ||
| That's on you, man. | ||
| It's kind of their fault. | ||
| Unless they have a disease. | ||
| That's a different animal. | ||
| Yeah, there's people that have diseases, and those diseases prevent them from being healthy. | ||
| That's a different animal. | ||
| So then you have to think about that percentage of the population. | ||
| There's so many variables. | ||
| Dude, I went to this market, this giant market. | ||
| Are they selling bats? | ||
| No, but I would have bought one. | ||
| I love bats. | ||
| Not for shoe, but I'd save them. | ||
| But yeah, there's like this fresh market, and it was packed, man. | ||
| I'm like, god damn. | ||
| But everyone had a mask on, and I saw two, like, I'm not even trying to be funny, they're probably equal 800 pounds, one probably 400 pounds, his wife another 400 pounds with a mask on. | ||
| I'm like, you think the mask, that's not what's going to kill you, homies. | ||
| Yeah, you're already fucked. | ||
| Yeah, you're super fucked. | ||
| Thin out the herd, man. | ||
| Well, I hope this is a wake-up call for people that aren't taking care of themselves, because there's a lot of people that just think it's not necessary, and they look at someone like you or I that's vain. | ||
| I get up in the morning, I look at my body in the mirror, I'm like, come on. | ||
| Oh, every morning. | ||
| Looking good? | ||
| Looking good? | ||
| I'm straight up. | ||
| Old school Mr. Avanus. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I do it in front of my kids, too. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| Me too. | ||
| But it's fun. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Yeah, they do it too. | ||
| I got my son out because we have a hot tub and pool and the pool's freezing. | ||
| And I've been mountain biking every day so my legs are sore. | ||
| So I go hot, cold, hot, cold. | ||
| And now he's doing it. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| And he gets out and he goes, Pop, I'm getting big muscles. | ||
| I said, you're getting there, dude. | ||
| You're getting there. | ||
| My daughter got up real early today. | ||
| She set her alarm for 8. And I go, why'd you get up at 8? | ||
| She goes, because I realize when I get up at 10 that I don't get as much done during the day and the day is shorter. | ||
| I go, wow. | ||
| I go, that's very wise. | ||
| So you know how kids are dabbing? | ||
| She does a half dab now. | ||
| It's like a new thing. | ||
| She goes, I am wise. | ||
| She's like flexing on me. | ||
| That kid's going to be successful, man. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| She's a little beast. | ||
| My 11-year-old's a beast. | ||
| Isn't it crazy to see that? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| She's got all of my attributes, my obsessive attributes, but without any of the, I didn't have a good childhood. | ||
| That's trouble. | ||
| In a good way. | ||
| She's super confident. | ||
| She's not doing it because I want someone to love me. | ||
| It doesn't come from a dark place. | ||
| She's like, I want to be awesome at everything. | ||
| And that's when she's going to thrive. | ||
| And she's always laughing. | ||
| She laughs at everything. | ||
| She's a funny kid, man. | ||
| She's always laughing. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| She'll say something like, Bah! | ||
| Nothing better. | ||
| She thinks things are funny. | ||
| She's got a very interesting sense of humor. | ||
| It's weird seeing kids grow up with no fear. | ||
| Don't you worry about it though? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| That's the problem because they're so well taken care of. | ||
| I feel like When all of our friends, like almost everyone I know to a man that's interesting, and to a woman, had some sort of fucked up, chaotic childhood. | ||
| There's some darkness there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what made them interesting. | ||
| That's what made them successful in a lot of ways. | ||
| But I don't know if it's necessary. | ||
| I feel like there's valuable lessons that you can get. | ||
| Like, for you, I think, a lot of your lessons you got in sports, right? | ||
| Correct, yeah. | ||
| I think every kid, all my friends that are fucked up, like, emotionally, that can't deal with loss, they don't play sports. | ||
| They never played sports. | ||
| There's a lot of people that I know that didn't play sports that don't know how to lose. | ||
| And that's such a disadvantage. | ||
| Because when you're playing sports when you're young, I mean, it's hard times, man. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And then as you get to the higher level in college, it's pretty cutthroat, man. | ||
| You learn to deal with these heartbreaking issues and pick up your boots and keep going. | ||
| You also develop a thick skin. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| And a chip on your shoulder. | ||
| A chip on your shoulder and a thick skin. | ||
| The biggest chip on your shoulder. | ||
| So important to get through life, though. | ||
| You need that. | ||
| You need to understand what competition is. | ||
| You need to look at that person. | ||
| You know, sparring. | ||
| There was always one dude that you don't want to spar. | ||
| You're like, oh, fuck this guy. | ||
| I do not want to spar this guy. | ||
| But you have to. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| That's the only way to get better. | ||
| And then there's this moment where you're lined up and there he is. | ||
| Like, oh boy, time to get my ass kicked. | ||
| But also in football, that's when I realized, oh, everybody's not treated the same. | ||
| And that's the real world. | ||
| Like, we're not treated the same. | ||
| Like, I remember the star running back, Bobby Purify. | ||
| You know, I've always been a huge shoe guy. | ||
| He would get custom one-of-one designer cleats and shoes in his locker. | ||
| And then he'd give me these old ones. | ||
| And he was next to me. | ||
| I was like, I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It hurt my feelings forever, man. | ||
| I was like, God, those look sweet. | ||
| People get mad at people that are like uber successful. | ||
| But those people like him, like, you know, the Jordans of the world, the people that are just like the fucking... | ||
| The guy who's what David Goggins likes to call uncommon amongst uncommon men. | ||
| That's just how life is. | ||
| And you see that and you realize where the benefits are in being that person. | ||
| And then you also see the drawbacks. | ||
| You see a huge drawback, especially in the personal life. | ||
| Oh, you're a crazy person. | ||
| It's tough to manage outside that core, outside that octagon. | ||
| It's tough to manage. | ||
| I mean, talk to Tyson. | ||
| Talk to Tyson about who he was when he was the king of the world. | ||
| He couldn't manage it. | ||
| I mean, no one can maintain that. | ||
| Talk to Jon Jones right now. | ||
| Right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, this is the last one with Jon Jones. | ||
| I got sad. | ||
| That was the first time out of all the Jon's things. | ||
| This recent one? | ||
| Yeah, I got sad. | ||
| I've been disappointed before, but this one I got sad. | ||
| Because I watched that video, the arrest video. | ||
| The arrest video was sad. | ||
| It's such a bummer when you watch that video. | ||
| You know what was a little alarming there when I think CTE has something to do with this? | ||
| I know we harp on CTE, but when he goes, hey, John, I need you to do this, this, and this, he goes, I'm going to warn you, my short-term memory is terrible. | ||
| So it's not because I'm drunk. | ||
| And even as he's drunk, he was cautious enough to say that, saying, hey, man, my short-term memory is shit because I get punched in the head all the time. | ||
| So if you're based off that, we're going to be in trouble. | ||
| I was like, oh no. | ||
| I think that was a little bit of funny. | ||
| His legs were so skinny. | ||
| Who fucks people up with those skinny legs? | ||
| Dude, they're so thin. | ||
| Well, his calves are crazy. | ||
| His calves are so much smaller than mine, and I'm so much smaller than him. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| How about Will Sasso's calves? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Those are the most ridiculous things. | ||
| Callan and I spent 15 minutes on Will Sasso's calves the other day. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| Callan has good calves, too. | ||
| They're not bad, but they're not Will Sasso. | ||
| Sasso seems like he should be able to jump over a building. | ||
| Like he should be able to just, from a standing position, just launch himself. | ||
| He looks like Hulk. | ||
| It literally looks like Hulk wearing fucking cut-off jeans. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, Jon Jones. | ||
| Now, imagine, like, the Tiago Santos fight. | ||
| Look at his calf. | ||
| That's preposterous. | ||
| That's what Brian had here. | ||
| You see, Brian shaved his head, and that's a tough go. | ||
| When did he shave his head? | ||
| Two days ago. | ||
| No. | ||
| Where's the pictures? | ||
| I mean, I post it on my Instagram story. | ||
| I don't want to go too hard on him. | ||
| You should. | ||
| I need to see this. | ||
| How come I didn't know? | ||
| Why didn't he send me a picture? | ||
| That's a good move for him, to shave his head. | ||
| But he needs to go even more. | ||
| Because the top is... | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, does he have the hair transplant scar? | ||
| Yes, he does. | ||
| He does. | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| I said, oh, you have the same thing Rogan has. | ||
| But his is small. | ||
| You need to shave down more. | ||
| Yeah, he needs to go all the way. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Just go all the way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| He probably feels free that way. | ||
| It's freeing. | ||
| Now that he... | ||
| Look. | ||
| He fucked up though because he cut himself so it's like all uneven so I could not stop laughing. | ||
| We need to just get some trimmers. | ||
| I cut mine myself but I fucking go... | ||
| But you're a seasoned vet. | ||
| You're a seasoned vet. | ||
| Yeah but even the first time I did it you just go all the way down to the bottom. | ||
| Just go to the bottom. | ||
| He's got one of them trimmers on it where you leave a little bit of hair. | ||
| That's what he has. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I go to the bottom and then I let it grow like a few days and I go back to the bottom again. | ||
| He looks a little like Bruce Willis. | ||
| He doesn't look bad. | ||
| He needs to shave it more. | ||
| You gotta see it in person. | ||
| It's a little mess. | ||
| I could not stop laughing. | ||
| We couldn't get through the show. | ||
| I could not stop laughing. | ||
| He's trying to be all serious. | ||
| I just stopped laughing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's Callan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The best. | ||
| He's such a fucking character. | ||
| I don't know a single human like him. | ||
| Try to find someone like him. | ||
| No, never. | ||
| He's going crazy with Corona. | ||
| He gets mad. | ||
| He gets real mad. | ||
| Why does he get mad? | ||
| Because we're on lockdown. | ||
| When's this shit going to end, man? | ||
| When are we going back to restaurants? | ||
| The text message that he sends, he gets very angry. | ||
| He has to cook for himself. | ||
| He has to cook for himself. | ||
| That's his big anger. | ||
| He can't go to Via Veneto or Felix. | ||
| He can't hang out with his friends. | ||
| That place Felix we were supposed to go. | ||
| Right before, well, I went on the 14th. | ||
| With Callan? | ||
| No, I went with my wife on the 14th, right before the lockdown. | ||
| And we were like, should we go out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We should go out. | |
| Let's just go out. | ||
| Let's just do it. | ||
| We had reservations, but we had them like five days earlier and started getting, as it getting closer and closer, it seemed like everything was like kind of shutting down. | ||
| People were pulling me away. | ||
| And then it was like a couple days later that they shut down everything. | ||
| But you did eat there? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, we did eat there. | |
| It's good, huh? | ||
| Fucking fantastic. | ||
| That place is awesome. | ||
| Apparently, they and a lot of other restaurants, they have to go. | ||
| I think Felix is doing Felix to go. | ||
| All of them have to do that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Freaking Flappers hit me up because that's how they're making money. | ||
| That's how they're covering their rent right now is they have to sell the food. | ||
| And they have good food, but they have to do the takeout just to keep the doors open. | ||
| I'm glad people are innovating and they're coming up with ways to stay open. | ||
| But it would be a real bummer if places like Felix went under or that other place that Cal loves, Via Veneto. | ||
| That place in Venice, that place is excellent too. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| The thing about those is they have high rent. | ||
| Yes, high rent. | ||
| They're off Main Street. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I mean, they're right on Abbott-Kinney, right? | ||
| They're off Main Street. | ||
| Well, Felix off Abbott. | ||
| Yeah, even higher rent. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Abbott's the most expensive road in California. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why does everybody like that area? | ||
| Is it the homeless people that tracks them? | ||
| It's a weird vibe. | ||
| It's like the poorest of the poor and the richest of the rich. | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
| We were driving there and we stopped at a red light and there was like this nice house to the left, like this super modern looking Venice style house. | ||
| And right across the street on the right was 20 tents. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Camped out. | ||
| It's such a bummer. | ||
| Why do they let that happen? | ||
| That is the dumbest thing, that they let that happen. | ||
| They let people take over the sidewalks. | ||
| You know what these bums do to get money? | ||
| Is if a house goes for sale or rent, these bums squat in front of the house. | ||
| So the seller or the renter has to come up and be like, you guys got to get out of here and pay us. | ||
| So they give them money, they leave, and then they rent the house. | ||
| There should be a service. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's a hustle. | |
| There should be a service that cleans that up. | ||
| It's called COVID-19. | ||
| I don't think it's affecting them. | ||
| They already had tuberculosis and fucking... | ||
| The Black Plan. | ||
| ...Legioneers disease. | ||
| They got everything. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| I mean, they were finding... | ||
| What was that crazy medieval disease they were finding in bums, in homeless people, in Skid Row? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It was a crazy disease that they hadn't found. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Do you remember it, Jamie? | ||
| We were talking... | ||
| It sounds like the crazy, crazy one, but it's like, oh, typhus. | ||
| It's typhus. | ||
| It's like the precursor to typhoid fever. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| They found that. | ||
| I don't know what you do. | ||
| I mean, people are worried about bats. | ||
| How about people that shit on the street? | ||
| I mean, we're talking about diseases that have come out of these Chinese wet markets. | ||
| There easily could be diseases that come out of L.A., out of these homeless encampments. | ||
| Yeah, but no one's eating homeless soup. | ||
| Well, I don't know what they're eating. | ||
| Who knows what they're doing? | ||
| But it's not a matter of eating. | ||
| It's a matter of being around all that waste. | ||
| But I thought that's how this all got started is someone ate that bat soup. | ||
| No, they don't think it's eating it. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| They think it's being near them. | ||
| They think the patient zero, I believe the theory is, the current theory is patient zero, see if you can find this, was traced to a woman that worked next to the bat stand. | ||
| We read it a few weeks ago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That may or may not be the actual patient zero, but at the time that could be... | ||
| Is she still alive? | ||
| I don't think they really, really... | ||
| You know what's crazy? | ||
| They can trace the genetics of this virus, and they're saying that it came from people that came from Europe. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, in New York City, I should say. | ||
| I mean, it obviously came from China. | ||
| But the people that got it in New York City got it from people who traveled to New York City from Europe. | ||
| And those Europeans were in China, went back home to Europe, then came to New York. | ||
| Yeah, and they think it might have gotten here as early as December and maybe even November. | ||
| Like, they don't even know. | ||
| I heard November. | ||
| I think November. | ||
| They think it got there two weeks at least before the first case. | ||
| And there's many people that could have gotten it that did not know that they got it and got over it. | ||
| I know it's the coolest thing to say right now. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you, when I was doing Ontario Improv in December, I was the sickest I've ever been, and it lasted for 12 to 14 days. | ||
| I told my brother, you might have to take me to the emergency room. | ||
| After I got done with my last show, I was like, we're driving home, we might have to go to the emergency room. | ||
| I felt so fucking, the sickest I've ever been. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| What were you... | ||
| I had shakes, cold sweats. | ||
| I was just sick, man. | ||
| Just coughing. | ||
| Horrible coughing. | ||
| It was bad. | ||
| So the thing is, that could also be a bad flu. | ||
| Yeah, who knows? | ||
| Yeah, look, this is one of the things that we, in this text thread that you and I are in, we started sharing the numbers of people that have died from the flu. | ||
| It's stunning, man. | ||
| It's alarming. | ||
| It's stunning. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I mean, I knew a lot of people died from the flu, but until you see it on paper, you're like, what? | ||
| That many? | ||
| Imagine if CNN did a whole marketing thing on how the flu's killing everyone every day. | ||
| And there's this fucking, puts all this fear in everybody. | ||
| If they did every day like they're doing for Corona, we'd be scared shitless. | ||
| True, but there's some preventative measures to deal with the flu. | ||
| And then we have flu shots and we also have Tamiflu. | ||
| There's a bunch of different remedies. | ||
| We know what the flu is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is a really dangerous one because it does something to your respiratory system where it scars the lining of the respiratory system. | ||
| It scars people's lungs and there's so much inflammation that they can't get oxygen. | ||
| Here's the other issues. | ||
| They're saying that you probably have it two days before you start showing signs. | ||
| If you show signs at all. | ||
| Yeah, some not at all. | ||
| Idris Elba apparently never showed any signs. | ||
| Stanford studies coronavirus early spread in California. | ||
| Looks at herd immunity potential. | ||
| Researchers at Stanford University trying to determine if the novel coronavirus may have been circulated in California as early as last fall. | ||
| Your boy had it. | ||
| And whether it's playing a role in the relative slow spread in the state. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I hope we do have herd immunity. | ||
| Let's get back to the store. | ||
| Dear God. | ||
| Please. | ||
| Herd immunity. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Joey Diaz called me the other day just to reach out to tell me he loves me and making sure I'm doing the right things. | ||
| You're doing the right thing, dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I fucking love you, Brandon Chubb. | ||
| I'm like, all right, man. | ||
| But yeah, we were talking about the comedy story, and I was like, they'll be fine, though. | ||
| He's like, maybe? | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| It's a big maybe. | ||
| It's a lot of money to run that place. | ||
| Especially at Sunset. | ||
| Fortunately for the last... | ||
| Six years? | ||
| They've been making a shitload of money. | ||
| If they're smart with it, they should be okay. | ||
| I think they... | ||
| Well, Peter Shore's a very, very bright man. | ||
| Very smart. | ||
| Very smart. | ||
| And I think he's doing the right thing. | ||
| And I think they'll be okay. | ||
| Look, we could always do a shitload of shows when the store comes back and donate all the money. | ||
| I'm happy to do that. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I'd give them rent right now. | ||
| I'll tell you, everybody, if you didn't see my Instagram, my shows with Dave Chappelle have been moved to September. | ||
| But when I say moved to September, I go like this. | ||
| You're going to do it in September, Jeff. | ||
| I saw your post on New York. | ||
| When is that? | ||
| November? | ||
| October 3rd. | ||
| You're doing it? | ||
| Hey, dude. | ||
| It's happening in October, I bet. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| That Fauci guy said people aren't going to shake hands anymore. | ||
| Did you see that shit? | ||
| I'm bound, everyone, from now on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bound? | |
| I like that. | ||
| Just because it's cool. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Or you could do it Thai style. | ||
| No, fuck no. | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| Steven Seagal style. | ||
| I'm going to wear beads, but I'm just going to wrap them around my wrists. | ||
| Try something like this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's been a lot of knuckleheads online with this coronavirus talking about healing and positive energy and manifesting. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| So much nonsense. | ||
| There's a lot of nonsense. | ||
| A lot of bro science. | ||
| I throw a lot of bro science out there, but I go off a lot of numbers that I get from way smarter people than me. | ||
| Yeah, but what you're doing is you're tweeting actual facts and then throwing a little bro sciences in the mix. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| That's also my career in general. | ||
| What I'm talking about is just so many people that are just, you know, this is a global transformation and this is our opportunity. | ||
| I hope everybody gets better out of this. | ||
| I hope people recognize that our society is fragile. | ||
| Don't you see a lot... | ||
| This is another positive. | ||
| You see a lot more people working out. | ||
| Like, when I get ready to go on my bike ride, I see so many more people walking, kids, families. | ||
| They have time! | ||
| Is this what it took to get you guys to fucking walk outside? | ||
| Well, most people, you know, they don't... | ||
| I mean, unless you're working from home or, you know, you're... | ||
| If you're in any kind of service industry, your job is gone, right? | ||
| For now, so they have time. | ||
| There's a lot of people whose jobs are shut down. | ||
| I don't know what the numbers are, but there's a lot more people that are home during the day. | ||
| A lot of people are homeschooling their kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's part of me that when Dana came out and said he's going to do the UFC, there's part of me that was super proud of him. | ||
| I know he was going to get a lot of blowback for it and the UFC's getting a lot of blowback for it, but a part of me was like, fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| Good for you, man, for figuring it out. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Pretty gangster move. | ||
| Go to an Indian reservation. | ||
| And for international fights, I bought an island, bitches. | ||
| It's like, wait, what? | ||
| Is this moral combat? | ||
| I bet someone who entered the dragon... | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| Island fights? | ||
| Yeah, don't worry about it. | ||
| I'm not going to tell you where it's at. | ||
| I'm not telling anybody. | ||
| You're going to get on a private flight, and we're flying to the island. | ||
| You and your team. | ||
| I was like, I can't hate on the guy anymore, man. | ||
| I hope they fight in the sand. | ||
| Oh, it's so sick. | ||
| Right on the beach. | ||
| So sick. | ||
| Do you remember Bodog, when Bodog had fights on the beach? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bodog was interesting, man. | ||
| People forgot about Bodog. | ||
| Fedor started there. | ||
| Kane started there. | ||
| Well, Fedor didn't start there. | ||
| I'm sorry, he didn't start there, but he did fight on there. | ||
| Kane, I think, he fought on there or started there, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Masvidal fought Eve Edwards there. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Stopped him with a head kick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Yeah, dude, there were some great fights. | ||
| Remember when Fedor... | ||
| Did Fedor fight Matt Lindland on Bodog? | ||
| Was that Bodog in Russia? | ||
| Or was that Affliction? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| I think Fedor and Matt Lindon was bodogging. | ||
| And I think Matt Lindon was about to take Fedor down, and Fedor grabbed a rope. | ||
| And it was a big controversy. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He grabbed the rope, and then he knocked them out. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He slammed them? | ||
| I think he submitted them. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Matt Lindon and Fedor. | ||
| Yeah, so... | ||
| I know he slams them. | ||
| Matt Lindland, who at the time... | ||
| I'm pretty sure he submitted them. | ||
| I think he got them in an armbar. | ||
| He did. | ||
| He submitted them, but I remember him slamming them for some reason. | ||
| Go before that, though. | ||
| Matt Lindland's knees always scared me. | ||
| He got double under... | ||
| Yeah, he's got them in an armbar there. | ||
| So Matt Lindland got the clinch. | ||
| I believe he got double underhooks. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And now, look. | ||
| He's elevating Fedor, and Fedor's grabbing the fucking rope! | ||
| Totally grabbed the rope. | ||
| And look, is that Dan Mergliano? | ||
| Who's trying to... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Eve Levine. | ||
| Eve Levine. | ||
| But look, he kept grabbing the rope. | ||
| And Matt Lindland, how did he grab the rope? | ||
| Yeah, he reversed it. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I remember. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cheater. | |
| Fuck, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking Russians, am I right? | |
| Well, in that moment, that's just straight up cheating. | ||
| I mean, that's how he got top position. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Matt Lindland took him down. | |
| Matt Lindland is a fucking guy who fought at 170, he fought at 185. Did he fight at 170? | ||
| He was so tough. | ||
| He fought at 185. Tough as fuck. | ||
| Tough as fuck. | ||
| About as tough as it gets. | ||
| You hear the stories about him, Hendo, Chael Sonnen. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Just the who's who, man. | ||
| He had a fuck there though. | ||
| Yeah he did. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| Hey man. | ||
| That's the problem with ropes though, right? | ||
| Yeah, ropes. | ||
| They can always do it. | ||
| You remember when there's a couple moments in Pride where guys get trapped in the ropes and then submitted. | ||
| Somebody got triangled while their head was trapped in the rope and then they got triangled on top of that. | ||
| There's also nothing worse when you get knocked out and you fall through the ropes. | ||
| My God. | ||
| It's so embarrassing. | ||
| Well, how about Bernard Hopkins? | ||
| Last fight of his career, when he fought Joe Smith? | ||
| Joe Smith KOs him. | ||
| Well, he drops him, and Bernard goes through the ropes and hits his head on the ground. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| You're like, how do you fucking guys not have... | ||
| Is the apron of... | ||
| A ring for boxing that expensive? | ||
| Why can't you make it bigger? | ||
| Why can't you make it so that a guy doesn't fall? | ||
| Or have security where if you see something, you know? | ||
| Well, they would have to act quickly and be there in time. | ||
| So they'd have to be around, standing up. | ||
| On the ring. | ||
| That'd be a little distracting. | ||
| It would be hugely distracting. | ||
| And it'd be terrible for the people that were watching. | ||
| But I mean, all you have to do is like what... | ||
| Do you remember what Bellator did? | ||
| What Bellator did when they were doing kickboxing and... | ||
| MMA at the same time. | ||
| So they have this round ring for Bellator, and then they put a square ring in the center of that for kickboxing. | ||
| So if you fell through the ropes, you just fell out into that round area where the Bellator cage would be. | ||
| It was perfect. | ||
| Well, to play Devil's advocate, if you're boxing, though, you're like, dude, how many times have people fallen out of the fucking ring? | ||
| We know it's Bernard Hopkins. | ||
| What if Bernard Hopkins died from that? | ||
| He's also 70 years old fighting, so it's like... | ||
| He was 51 or 52, I think. | ||
| I mean, come on, dude. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| Fighting this young fucking... | ||
| Oh, yeah, look at this dude. | ||
| Caught in a triangle inside the ropes. | ||
| So his leg is wrapped up in the rope, and the dude's caught in a triangle. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's happened more than once, too. | ||
| People have been armbarred that way, too. | ||
| Did you think UFC 249 was going to happen? | ||
| I didn't know what was going to happen. | ||
| When Khabib couldn't make it, I was like, I bet this is going to be the end of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| I was like, oh, it's over. | ||
| But then I saw Kamaru Usman saying, you better get ready to make weight, bitch. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, if Usman fights Masvidal, holy shit. | ||
| Like, that's worth it. | ||
| That's a fight. | ||
| But then when I heard it was Gagey and Ferguson, I'm like, oh, shit. | ||
| First team, all violence. | ||
| I don't know what Gagey's been doing, though. | ||
| Has he been training like he's training for a fight? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They asked him. | ||
| I saw, I think it was Brett Akimoto goes, how prepared are you? | ||
| And it took him a while to answer. | ||
| And then he said something to him. | ||
| I was like, oh, this could be tough. | ||
| He goes, I have 18 minutes in me. | ||
| He goes, you know, all my fights, I don't give a decision. | ||
| I either get knocked out or knock somebody out. | ||
| He goes, you know, I talk to my family, I talk to my coaches, I don't have 18 minutes of fucking fury. | ||
| And he goes, and it's pretty tough to deal with. | ||
| And I was like, God. | ||
| It is tough to deal with, but if there's anybody that has the endurance to take it to that 18 minutes and keep going, it's Tony. | ||
| Tony has the most endurance I've ever seen. | ||
| But the only thing that's a little scary when I hear him say that, he does throw Kosh in the wind. | ||
| Gaethje does. | ||
| And it's tough to deal with because he's probably the hardest hitter at 55. And Tony gets hit, man. | ||
| That's one thing about Tony. | ||
| He does like to get hit. | ||
| I think he actually enjoys it and he welcomes it. | ||
| With Gaethje, I don't know if he can play that game, especially for 18 minutes. | ||
| Well, I don't know if he enjoys it. | ||
| I just think that he has this pressure-forward style. | ||
| He's game for it. | ||
| Yeah, he's game. | ||
| He's 100% game for it. | ||
| But he has such a pressure style that it's inevitable that you get hit. | ||
| You know, he's not fighting like Wonderboy or something like that. | ||
| He's not fighting Elusive or Mighty Mouse. | ||
| He's fighting. | ||
| He's trying to break you. | ||
| I mean, in Tony's fights, there's somewhere around the second or third round where you see the look in these guys' faces like, motherfucker. | ||
| I know. | ||
| How's he keeping up this pace? | ||
| Justin's kind of the same way. | ||
| He just goes forward like a little tank. | ||
| He keeps going. | ||
| It's such a good fight. | ||
| My favorite fight with Justin was Barboza. | ||
| Because Barboza's a savage. | ||
| And Justin just ran him over. | ||
| Ran him over. | ||
| His fight with Poirier, even his fight with Eddie Alvarez. | ||
| He lost both, but all of them were good, man. | ||
| Oh, they were great. | ||
| Poirier, his leg was almost done. | ||
| It was almost done, but Poirier pulled it out with a knockout. | ||
| Poirier actually came out on record and said he thinks Gaethje's going to win. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's because he's never fought Tony. | ||
| You know? | ||
| He's fought Gaethje and beat him, and it would be great if Gaethje beat Tony, and then it makes him look good. | ||
| I don't necessarily know if that's... | ||
| I mean, it's not that Tony can't win. | ||
| It's not that Gaethje can't win either. | ||
| It's like, in my opinion, this is a who the fuck knows. | ||
| It's a who the fuck knows, especially in these conditions. | ||
| It's like, what camp have they had? | ||
| Especially Justin. | ||
| Well, I know Tony's had a camp. | ||
| Tony's had a camp, but everything's not normal. | ||
| Yeah, but Tony's not normal. | ||
| Tony's not normal. | ||
| If anyone's going to thrive in the situation, it's Tony. | ||
| He didn't spar at all, apparently, according to everyone that I've talked to, for the Pettis fight, after his surgery. | ||
| So the guy has knee surgery, like a really complex knee surgery, where his ligament is reattached to his leg, and he has a massive scar. | ||
| I mean, he's got a 12-inch scar on the side of his leg. | ||
| Five months later, he's fighting again. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| And didn't do any sparring. | ||
| Just rehabbed everything, got himself in shape. | ||
| He looked pretty good. | ||
| He looked fucking fantastic. | ||
| He got wobbled in that fight. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| He's fighting Pettis. | ||
| Pettis is a master striker. | ||
| Pettis knocked out Wonderboy with a Superman punch. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if he can take those same hits the way... | ||
| Gaethje hits, though. | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| Gaethje comes after you, man. | ||
| He comes out, and he's got phenomenal leg kicks. | ||
| His leg kicks are sensational. | ||
| And he throws leg kicks from crazy angles, too. | ||
| He'll be right up tight with you, right here, and he's chopping at your leg. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's interesting how he does it. | ||
| He doesn't have a Muay Thai background, which is really crazy. | ||
| He just learned to kick about four years ago. | ||
| Well, more than that, because I remember in the PFL, he was five years old. | ||
| I'm just saying, he has no kickboxing background. | ||
| He came from University of Northern Colorado to Grudge Training Center with Trevor Whitman and all of us, and came in there as a pure wrestler with terrible eyesight. | ||
| He'd always take his glass off and squint, and he's just this fucking monster. | ||
| And then he started teaching him to leg kick, and I'm like, holy shit, the guy can leg kick. | ||
| But it's crazy how good he does it. | ||
| He's amazing at it. | ||
| His leg kicks are sensational. | ||
| You would think that he was some Muay Thai champion or something like that. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is what I want. | ||
| I want to see Tony shoot for a takedown. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I know, obviously, Justin Gaethje has phenomenal wrestling. | ||
| He's so athletic, and he's an All-American at Northern Colorado. | ||
| Tony's a stud, too. | ||
| I think he's a Juco champ. | ||
| Someone shoot in on the fucking guy. | ||
| No one does it. | ||
| Yeah, no one does it. | ||
| Well, what's interesting about Gaethje is you never see him wrestling. | ||
| That's what's so crazy. | ||
| It's like the guy's got this great wrestling pedigree, but he just strikes with everybody and smashes. | ||
| And smashes real strikers like Barboza. | ||
| He wants to be violent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wants it all violent. | ||
| It's so nuts. | ||
| This fight's actually not that, you know, obviously I want Khabib, Tony. | ||
| That's the greatest fight in UFC history, I think, at lightweight. | ||
| It's cursed! | ||
| It's fucking, dude. | ||
| It's such a shame. | ||
| Five times? | ||
| Five times it's been canceled. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| I want to see that. | ||
| That's the fight of the two of the best 155s on the planet. | ||
| But Gaethje, Tony, I think, will be more entertaining. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Because they're so violent. | ||
| Think of these two fucking maniacs. | ||
| This fight can't be boring. | ||
| It's impossible to be boring. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| I don't think it can be boring. | ||
| However... | ||
| I said that about Stylebender versus Yoel Romero. | ||
| I thought that was going to be chaos. | ||
| Well, you didn't know Yoel wasn't going to fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guarantee you Gaethje and Tony are going to fight. | ||
| Well, I also said that about Ngannou and Derrick Lewis. | ||
| I didn't know Derrick Lewis' fucking back gave out. | ||
| I didn't know Francis had a blown fucking ACL or whatever it was. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Francis had a blown ACL? He was injured in that fight. | ||
| Both of them were injured. | ||
| I didn't know Francis was injured. | ||
| I thought his mind was hesitant. | ||
| Apparently, both of them had injuries. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know that. | ||
| Bro, that's a fight this weekend. | ||
| Engano and Rosenstreich. | ||
| It should be. | ||
| It should be. | ||
| They had Greg Hardy and whoever the fuck he's fighting above that. | ||
| I'm like, what are you guys doing? | ||
| I think that was because it was on ESPN. The other one was on ESPN+. I think the idea was that you're going to have Engano and Rosenstreich, which is just fucking. | ||
| It's like the main event for ESPN+. That's Disneyland at the end of the night. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. | ||
| That fight is crazy. | ||
| Rosenstreich, people better not be sleeping on him, man. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's a terrifying man. | ||
| He's a professional kickboxer. | ||
| And he takes a tremendous shot. | ||
| You look at Overeem didn't do nothing to him. | ||
| They fought for the entire five rounds. | ||
| He didn't do nothing to him until Rosenstreich caught him with that bomb. | ||
| Rosenstreich was going to lose that fight. | ||
| He was going to lose that fight. | ||
| He was going to lose that fight. | ||
| Oh, it's in the prelims still. | ||
| No, it's co-main event now. | ||
| I talked to his agent last night. | ||
| Oh, this is because the Rose Namajunas fight is pulled off. | ||
| Do they still have Rose on there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Okay, Uriah Hall and Jacare Souza. | ||
| People were saying that it was Ryan Hall. | ||
| Yeah, you guys texted that, and I didn't text back because I thought you guys were joking. | ||
| No, somebody sent me a meme. | ||
| That said Ryan Hall versus Jacaray-Souza, and I was like, is that real? | ||
| And Eddie goes, can they even do it in the weight class? | ||
| And I thought you guys, I was like, they're joking. | ||
| So I didn't respond to it. | ||
| I didn't think it was a joke. | ||
| But of course it's Ryan Hall. | ||
| Look, Ryan Hall has such a hard time finding opponents. | ||
| He got a fight, though. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| He got a fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| A stud. | ||
| He's fighting a stud. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Ricardo Lamas. | ||
| Okay, that's a good fight for him. | ||
| That's a tough fucking fight. | ||
| Nobody wants to fight Ryan Hall, man. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Finally gets returned. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Ricardo Lamas and May. | ||
| Yeah, he's so difficult because Hall is so tall and long. | ||
| But also, how dare you guys think he was fighting? | ||
| I didn't understand it. | ||
| I thought maybe he just said, fuck it. | ||
| I have no camp, but I want to fight. | ||
| I'd weigh 185. I'd watch the shit out of that. | ||
| Imagine, I mean, I don't think he's losing 40 pounds in between fights, but he's a tall guy. | ||
| He's like six feet, isn't he, Ryan Hall? | ||
| Yeah, he's not short for the division. | ||
| Yeah, he's thin, but I mean, fuck. | ||
| And he's also, he's a Farasa hobby guy, right? | ||
| Rahal? | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's training at TriStar. | ||
| No, he trains down here now. | ||
| He's out of Cali. | ||
| He has his own gym in Orange County, and he trains at Kenny Florian's. | ||
| Did he ever train with Zahabi? | ||
| Why do I feel like he was with Zahabi? | ||
| Maybe he did early on, but he's been out of Cali. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| His own school and then Kenny's. | ||
| What's his camp? | ||
| Who's putting together the camp? | ||
| I don't know who his head guy is. | ||
| Alexander Hernandez comes back. | ||
| That's a great fight. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Dude, I don't think people realize the fucking... | ||
| Depth. | ||
| Dude, Francis Ngannou vs Rosenstruck is insane! | ||
| That's gonna be amazing. | ||
| And if you just... | ||
| Marlon Vieira and Ray Borg, that's a good fight too. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| People don't give Francis enough credit. | ||
| You look at his record, you're like... | ||
| Well, obviously he had his hiccup against Stipe and then the Derrick Lewis, I don't count. | ||
| But besides Stipe, dude, the run and the dudes that he's beat, if he were to become champion, you're talking top five of all time, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You look at his record like, holy shit. | ||
| If he becomes champion, I mean... | ||
| Knocked out Cain Velasquez, knocked out JDS, Alistair Overeem. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Andre Orlovsky. | ||
| I mean, the who's who. | ||
| And the way he knocks him out, that's the thing. | ||
| It's just the way he knocks him out. | ||
| But he's getting old. | ||
| I mean, he's getting up there in age. | ||
| He's like 37 now, I think. | ||
| Dude, you know something to think about with Khabib, Tony, and these guys? | ||
| Does it say how old he is? | ||
| He has to be 30-something. | ||
| You know Tony's 36. Is he? | ||
| And for a heavyweight, it doesn't matter. | ||
| For a lightweight, that's long in the tooth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's not gonna say it there. | ||
| They hide that information. | ||
| But let me see the main card. | ||
| What's the main card look like now? | ||
| The card's so filthy. | ||
| I just took that one off, was it? | ||
| Jeremy Stephens, Calvin Kadar? | ||
| Down here on the bottom. | ||
| What? | ||
| Down on the bottom of the screen if you can see that. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Jeremy Stephens, Calvin Kadar is a fantastic fight. | ||
| Dude, how about fucking your boys on there? | ||
| Nico Price, Luque. | ||
| It still says Greg Hardy is the co-main, but that's been changed, right? | ||
| From what I understand, he's the co-main event. | ||
| Jeremy Stephens and Calvin Cater, that's the sleeper of the night. | ||
| I think Calvin Cater is the dark horse of the 145-pound division. | ||
| That motherfucker's scary. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| I mean, he's had... | ||
| I think he's had two losses inside the octagon. | ||
| I think... | ||
|
unidentified
|
God, that's a fucking fight. | |
| Renato Moicano beat him with leg kicks. | ||
| He made a real good adjustment and started catching him with leg kicks and won a decision. | ||
| And then he beat a bunch of guys and lost his beat. | ||
| And he lost his beat in a fight where he was... | ||
| He was dominating that third round. | ||
| Yeah, that was a toss-up. | ||
| He was dominating that third round. | ||
| And I was like, man, if this is a five-round fight, I like Cater. | ||
| Me too, all day. | ||
| He fucked up Llamas. | ||
| That was a fight where right away you could see the difference in the hands. | ||
| Calvin trains a lot with boxers. | ||
| He's got vicious hands, like super accurate and really long. | ||
| If you go to his Instagram, he put up the KO of Lamas. | ||
| It's very interesting because he ranges him. | ||
| He ranges him and then he drops these super long punches on him. | ||
| He's a Boston kid, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Watch how he sets this up. | ||
| He moves his hands. | ||
| See the range? | ||
| Boom! | ||
| The length of that. | ||
| And he's huge for a 45 or two. | ||
| Real tall and long. | ||
| But the fucking torque in that right hand. | ||
| He spins him around with the left and then puts the lights out with the right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| That is fucking picture perfect, man. | ||
| Picture perfect. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Irish Mickey Ward says good luck, Calvin. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How about seeing that? | ||
| Looking down. | ||
| Six guns Gibson, yeah. | ||
| But that one, too, was sensational. | ||
| Dude, him versus Stevens is a phenomenal fight. | ||
| Phenomenal fight. | ||
| Phenomenal fight. | ||
| You look at all the fights, it's like, man, fire the night, good luck. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Nico Price? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Luque? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Vicente Luque is an animal, and Nico Price is an animal. | ||
| Both those guys together, that's a... | ||
| I couldn't believe... | ||
| Go back to that. | ||
| Go back to what you just had up there, Jimmy. | ||
| The whole full card. | ||
| I get those to him. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| I couldn't believe when the UFC announced this, some people hated on it. | ||
| I'm like, you fucking negative bitches. | ||
| That's just how it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane! | |
| That's just how it is. | ||
| We're in the Corona Times and Dana pulled this off? | ||
| The Corona Times. | ||
| We're in the Corona Times? | ||
| Dude, if this was a regular pay-per-view, it'd make my dick hard, let alone with Corona. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| The Greg Hardy, DiCastro, listen, not a highly skilled fight. | ||
| Somebody's going to fucking sleep, hopefully. | ||
| But to be co-main event is a little crazy. | ||
| Well, I was interested that Greg Hardy stepped up and fought Volcon. | ||
| And didn't look bad. | ||
| Didn't look bad. | ||
| Didn't get annihilated. | ||
| Didn't get annihilated against one of the best heavyweights in the division. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| I mean, Alexander is a really technical fighter. | ||
|
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|
Super stud. | |
| And real long. | ||
| Real tall and long. | ||
| I mean, look at what he did to Fabrizio Verdun. | ||
| Fabrizio Verdun was the UFC heavyweight champion. | ||
| He fucked him up. | ||
| And Greg Hardy went the distance with him and did not look bad. | ||
| And had one hand. | ||
| Yeah, broke his hand early in the fight. | ||
| He's going to get better. | ||
| He's a stud athlete. | ||
| The difference between guys like, first of all, he doesn't have another way, right? | ||
| He doesn't have a fucking football career anymore. | ||
| He's not going to play pro baseball. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| There's no podcast. | ||
| There's nothing else. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| And he's got a dicey past in terms of the law. | ||
| Some would say the diciest. | ||
| It's pretty dicey. | ||
| Then Jon Jones says, hold my beer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Hold my tequila. | ||
| But Greg Hardy is a fucking elite athlete. | ||
| He's a guy who knows how to be a professional athlete. | ||
| He was all pro, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, he's legit, man. | ||
| Super stud athlete. | ||
| Pro baller. | ||
| But there's a thing about guys like that where from the time they're young, they realize this insane work ethic is how you make it. | ||
| And they also, they're used to these regimented programs, right? | ||
| Where a lot of football players, and you can speak on this, they're used to these programs where everybody's doing the same kind of work versus boxers or MMA fighters. | ||
| Yeah, you're on your own. | ||
| You're on your own, and sometimes you half-ass it, and sometimes you're not disciplined. | ||
| You fuck off, you don't go to kickboxing. | ||
| You decide, I don't want to go to jiu-jitsu today and want to fuck my girlfriend. | ||
| That kind of shit doesn't happen in football. | ||
| Doesn't work that way, especially at University of Colorado, Ohio State. | ||
| So if you're one of ten linebackers, and you're all doing the exact same thing, you're all fighting for your job every day. | ||
| And if you, for whatever reason, don't do something well, and this guy does, he's probably going to play over you. | ||
| So you're like, it's this heightened... | ||
| Freaking competition all the time, man. | ||
| And it brings the best out of you. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Eric Anders was a football player too, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Alabama stud. | ||
| Go watch his fight with Khalil Rountree. | ||
| Oh, he looked amazing. | ||
| And the motherfucker doesn't flinch. | ||
| Khalil Rountree was lighting him up. | ||
| Lighting him up. | ||
| He never flinched. | ||
| Khalil Rountree was fucking his legs up in a way very rarely you see. | ||
| His leg was so fucked up. | ||
|
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|
And Khalil was full Muay Thai, light on the front legs. | |
| Whack! | ||
| And you're like, woo! | ||
| Dude, when Khalil's on his game, he displays some of the best Muay Thai you're going to see in the UFC. Eric Andrews, I know you don't watch football, Joe, so he played at Alabama, and he was on the national champion team, so that's like creme de la creme. | ||
| Doesn't get better than that. | ||
| That's like wrestling at Ohio State or Oklahoma. | ||
| He's a high-level football player. | ||
| Well, he's a stud. | ||
| That guy is an animal in terms of his ability to endure pain and his ability to press forward. | ||
| And, you know, and fights a lot. | ||
| Takes fights, take a fight a light heavyweight, take a fight at 185. He's game. | ||
| He's game as fuck. | ||
| And again, that's the thing. | ||
| It's like these elite athletes, these guys who know what it takes to be a winner. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Those Greg Hardy guys, Eric Andrews guys, and we're going to get more of those. | ||
| There's going to be more guys like that. | ||
| Let's see a path. | ||
| And there's more guys like that that... | ||
| Don't want to rely on a team. | ||
| If the team they're on sucks, they don't shine, they'd rather kill what they eat. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's a lot of guys like that, where they'd rather just go out and do it themselves, and MMA is a sport where they can do that. | ||
| So you see a lot of these guys, they start practicing MMA off-season, they train a little bit off-season. | ||
| I wouldn't be surprised if John's brother, Arthur, gets into MMA. Both of them. | ||
| I mean, Chandler's all pro, too. | ||
| Pro baller. | ||
| But Arthur trains with him a lot, doesn't he? | ||
| Yeah, a ton. | ||
| Yeah, he's huge. | ||
| He's such a big boy. | ||
| He's huge. | ||
| So big. | ||
| And he could fight, man. | ||
| If he decided to start fighting, take on a few pro fights. | ||
| I mean, I think John said in interviews, but I remember when John and I were talking, he... | ||
| I mean, Arthur gives them problems. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If they wrestle, it's problems. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, he's huge. | |
| And explosive. | ||
| And he's huge. | ||
| And the nicest guy. | ||
| The nicest guy, but he's so big. | ||
| The brothers don't have problems, though, huh? | ||
| You don't really hear much about the brothers fucking up. | ||
| Well, they've both been popped for steroids. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's sports, though. | ||
| I'm talking about, like, hanging out at Albuquerque at four in the morning with bombs and fucking shooting guns out of them. | ||
| Yeah, well, they do get hit in the head. | ||
| They get hit in the head football style, which, by the way, I got through the Wander-y series. | ||
| I still haven't watched the Netflix documentary on your boy that looks exactly like you, Aaron Hernandez. | ||
| That's why I grew my shit out. | ||
| We like so much like each other. | ||
| So much is hilarious! | ||
| But goddamn, dude, that Wondry podcast series, Warrior. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| I was gripped. | ||
| It was one of those, you know, sometimes you get a podcast series like that. | ||
| Like another one is The Dropout about that Elizabeth Holmes chick that robbed everybody with that Theranos company. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That's another one. | ||
| Is it good? | ||
| Holy shit, is it good? | ||
| I need a good one. | ||
| There's a few of those where you start them and you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| Dude, sometimes I'll sit in my car and wait till the episode's done. | ||
| I'm like so into it. | ||
| I'm on something right now that I know you read. | ||
| That Chaos book. | ||
| The Charles Manson book? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Bro, he's coming in. | ||
| Tom O'Neil's coming in next week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Yes. | ||
| I'm in the middle of that book right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so good. | |
| Holy shit. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| You look at Manson a little different. | ||
| You look at the whole thing a little different. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to say too much because I want Tom to explain. | ||
| When are you having him on? | ||
| Next week. | ||
| That book's so fucking good. | ||
| Dude, I'm balls deep in that book right now. | ||
| I've been ranting and raving about that book for a grip. | ||
| Well, the things that are absolutely provable that he knows, Charles Manson, the CIA, and the secret history of the 60s. | ||
| The things that are absolutely 100% provable, just those things, are mind-blowers. | ||
| Where you're like, whoa. | ||
| And it's documented, too. | ||
| How the CIA and the LSD house and Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco and how he was doing wild shit and the CIA would let him go. | ||
| Or how he was out here at that ranch and the cops never... | ||
| People would go, dude, he's doing wild shit. | ||
| Arrest him. | ||
| They're like, we're told not to touch him. | ||
| You're like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| The fuck? | ||
| They killed the caretaker at that ranch. | ||
| They didn't find that guy's body until the late 70s. | ||
| Yeah, they did a lot of shit. | ||
| It's one of my favorite books. | ||
| It's a very good book. | ||
| They did a lot of shit in the 1970s with drugs and people for experiments. | ||
| The 60s and the 70s. | ||
| And that's how they created the Unabomber, man. | ||
| Ted Kaczynski was a part of the Harvard LSD program. | ||
| Yeah, did you watch that documentary? | ||
| The Net? | ||
| Is that the one you saw? | ||
| It's on Netflix. | ||
| Which one is it? | ||
| I forget, but it's about the Unabomber, and I didn't know that. | ||
| I'm like, why was he so fucked up? | ||
| Oh, is it Manhunter? | ||
| I think so, yes. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't watched that one. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| No, there's another one. | ||
| There's another one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the other one called Unabomber in His Own Words? | ||
| So it's the first time that he only let one person ever interview him, and it's all the tapes from the interview? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Oh, shit. | ||
| And, you know, his defense team goes, listen, dude, you're not going to get the death penalty if you just plead insanity. | ||
| He goes, I'm not insane. | ||
| He goes, do I seem insane to you? | ||
| He goes, I'm not insane. | ||
| And so he fired his defense team because they wanted to say he was insane. | ||
| He goes, I'd rather die than be called insane. | ||
| He's like, I'm not insane. | ||
| I'm a genius. | ||
| Goddamn, dude. | ||
| He was smart as fuck. | ||
| Well, he might be too smart because he's actually, look, he's not correct to kill those people, but he is correct that technology is eventually going to overcome people. | ||
| Now imagine, we're going deep down the Eddie Bravo rabbit hole. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Imagine if you were Artificial intelligence, and you had decided you wanted to assimilate with people, but you had to convince people. | ||
| One of the best ways to convince people is to get them addicted to technology. | ||
| Check. | ||
| Done. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Everybody's addicted to technology. | ||
| Cell phone. | ||
| Then get them connected through social media apps. | ||
| Get them connected to technology. | ||
| I mean, how many times you go to a restaurant? | ||
| Well, not right now, not at all, but any time you go out in public before the quarantine, everybody was on their phone. | ||
| Check. | ||
| Now you throw a virus in there. | ||
| So now they can't be with people. | ||
| And then you make it so when they see people, they can't touch them. | ||
| They can't hug people. | ||
| They can't shake hands. | ||
| They have to make distance. | ||
| So now the only way you can connect with people is through Zoom or FaceTime. | ||
| Technology. | ||
| Technology. | ||
| And then while we're all quarantined, you're installing 5G towers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | |
| Did you post that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That little Duvall? | ||
| Little Duvall, yeah. | ||
| He goes, tell me, because you've done motherfuckers. | ||
| Because we need the 5G towers. | ||
| Five countries have 5G towers. | ||
| More than 100 countries have coronavirus, you fucking idiots. | ||
| It's not 5G. It's the best point. | ||
| The best point. | ||
| It's one of those points where you go, oh yeah, yeah. | ||
| I saw Tyrese posted. | ||
| He's like, y'all need to look at this 5G. That's what's causing all this and killing kids and coronavirus. | ||
| I was like, oh, buddy. | ||
| Oh, buddy. | ||
| Just make Fast and Furious 19. Shut the fuck up. | ||
| They probably don't want him on it anymore. | ||
| Yeah, they probably don't. | ||
| There's so many fucking people that think of 5G as what's killing people. | ||
| But it's like, there's always going to be that thing where whenever something happens, people look for some nefarious backwoods sort of fucking... | ||
| I also think, you know, in this time, it's very easy to get down and depressed, and a lot of people thrive in that, so they want it to be bad. | ||
| It's like, God, get out of here, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, you're right. | |
| Get out of here. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| There are people that are, like, they're happy the world's falling apart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thriving. | ||
| I saw some lady write some post about Justin Bieber. | ||
| She was making fun of Justin Bieber's house. | ||
| Which, by the way, looks pretty pimp. | ||
| Looks fucking dope. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| They're like, it's so disgusting. | ||
| It looks like a stupid Sim City house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But then she wrote, eat the rich. | |
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| I'm like, he's a singer. | ||
| Meanwhile, she looks like an armadillo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's eat you, bitch. | ||
| Take the shell off. | ||
| Throw an armadillo on the barbie. | ||
| Take the shell off. | ||
| People are so crazy, though, because they're angry and they're frustrated. | ||
| Is it his fault that he's a super successful musician that has a crazy dope house? | ||
| And super talented? | ||
| And also, that house? | ||
| Let me look at your house, bitch. | ||
| Let me look at the armadillo house. | ||
| That's why she's angry. | ||
| That's why she's like, oh, eat the rich. | ||
| She doesn't have a house. | ||
| I saw one guy post this thing, me and Cal talked to us, and he goes, hey, I've heard horrible stories about Ellen. | ||
| For every bad story you guys share, I'll donate $2 to this corona. | ||
| I'm like, dude, what's wrong with you, man? | ||
| Do something positive. | ||
| You think this is positive? | ||
| Hate on fucking Ellen? | ||
| People are cooped up, and they're filled with anger, and they find a target for that anger. | ||
| They're filled with anxiety and depression and rage. | ||
| So do something to be creative, man. | ||
| Do something to get out of it. | ||
| Good call. | ||
| Don't hate on the people who are doing it. | ||
| That's why you're in that position. | ||
| Do you see what Ellen did? | ||
| This is really kind of funny. | ||
| She said, being stuck here in quarantine is like being in prison. | ||
| I haven't changed my clothes in days and everyone's gay. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| And she got attacked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you think this is prison? | |
| My grandmother died. | ||
| We're living in a mansion. | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| But I think it's probably partly because that guy came out and said, hey, Ellen is mean. | ||
| Post your stories about Ellen being mean. | ||
| Do you see the stories? | ||
| They're bad stories. | ||
| Nothing too bad, man. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| It was like, oh, I came on her show, and before I left, she didn't say hi. | ||
| It's like, oh, okay. | ||
| Ellen takes down video after jail joke about coronavirus self-quarantine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Ellen. | |
| Wow, she's shook. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| She's shook right now. | ||
| Go to your roots. | ||
| You're a comic. | ||
| Stand by it, man. | ||
| Well, there's several other articles written about her being an asshole after that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, being mean? | |
| Yeah, because people capitalize on that. | ||
| I've heard about it. | ||
| I've heard of it. | ||
| You know, in entertainment, it's all around. | ||
| Don't you also think that she's one of those tooth and claw, get to the top? | ||
| That's why she became Ellen in the first place. | ||
| And that makes a lot of enemies. | ||
| She's A-type. | ||
| She's an A-type personality. | ||
| It's her show. | ||
| It's her way or the highway, and it runs a lot of people wrong. | ||
| And also probably maligned most of her life because she was a lesbian, had to keep it in tight. | ||
| There's some darkness in there. | ||
| Yeah, there's some darkness in there, some anger in there, you know? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But the fucking joke's hilarious. | ||
| Hilarious joke. | ||
| That's a great joke. | ||
| Hilarious joke. | ||
| Great joke. | ||
| I like Ellen. | ||
| I'm wearing the same clothes and everyone's gay. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| People are like, fuck you! | ||
| Fuck you, eat the rich! | ||
| God, eat the rich. | ||
| My favorite, hating on Justin Bieber, have you seen that fucking crib? | ||
| You know what that looks like inside, you fucking morons? | ||
| You know how dope that crib is? | ||
| Yeah, but the thing is, like, it's, saying it's the ugliest house ever, it's so crazy. | ||
| It's weird looking, yeah, but... | ||
| When you're Justin Bieber, look at that. | ||
| Bro, that looks like some sort of... | ||
| You know what that looks like? | ||
| It looks like a museum. | ||
| Like you would go there and there'd be like a dinosaur in there. | ||
| It looks like they opened in Jurassic Park. | ||
| Yeah, something about space. | ||
| That's a dope house. | ||
| I bet it's all glass. | ||
| You just walk around butt naked with his girl and shit. | ||
| It looks like a giant salad spinner. | ||
| Now you can lease it. | ||
| Well, no one's going to want to lease it now. | ||
| Social media users mock this Beverly Hills house. | ||
| But Tweeter's got a few things wrong. | ||
| First of all, let me see your house. | ||
| You're mocking this house. | ||
| Post your house, dude. | ||
| Post your house, bitch. | ||
| Post your shitty little apartment in Studio City that you're mocking this castle from. | ||
| This fucking Tony Stark castle. | ||
| 60 grand a month. | ||
| Ooh, that's it? | ||
| Dude, that thing is fucking sick! | ||
| That house is sick! | ||
| That thing is so sick! | ||
| Look at the inside! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it! | |
| That house is dope as fuck! | ||
| It makes me like him more. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, when I heard Justin Bieber songs, I thought it was sung by a girl. | ||
| At first, you didn't? | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I thought it was a girl song. | ||
| When someone's like, that's Justin Bieber, I'm like, what? | ||
| Like the Yummy song. | ||
| It's like, alright, dude. | ||
| Why are you laughing? | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| Bro, I listen to 98% classic rock, okay? | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| I'm that old dude. | ||
| But your kids are listening to Justin Bieber. | ||
| I don't know if they do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| Not around me, bro. | ||
| I shut that shit off. | ||
| I throw it in the tub. | ||
| Get the shit out of here. | ||
| Here's some Lynyrd Skynyrd. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, if they work out at the gym, I make them listen to fucking Skynyrd and Zeppelin. | ||
| But I'm sure they have the stuff they like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Oh my god, it's terrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't even know what kids listen to. | ||
| My kids sing a lot of Lizzo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder if Lizzo's scared of Corona. | ||
| She should be. | ||
| That's what I'm saying, man. | ||
| She's not in shape. | ||
| She should be. | ||
| Well, a lot of people should be scared, you know? | ||
| My dad hasn't left his house, but he's also like 63, so I'm like, I get it, Papa. | ||
| Yeah, my parents got real spooked. | ||
| My parents got real spooked. | ||
| They don't do shit. | ||
| They're holding up. | ||
| I think that when the remedy comes out, Hopefully, when they figure out what it is, we're all going to relax. | ||
| But when Fauci was saying that we're not shaking hands anymore, ever. | ||
| No shaking hands again, ever. | ||
| You're a pussy. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Dude, come on. | ||
| That's why I kind of like that the UFC is doing their thing. | ||
| And also, it's like, the UFC, Dana White and Fertitta, they're cowboys, man. | ||
| They take risks. | ||
| They're cage-fighting promoters. | ||
| There's no safety in that. | ||
| Do you think that when Francis Ngannou fought Alistair Overeem and knocked him into another dimension, do you think there's any safety in that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Where's the safety? | ||
| But Alistair would rather have Corona than need that uppercut. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| A hundred percent! | ||
| Also, I mean, Tony's probably the oldest guy on the card at 36. Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| If Tony, let's say worst-case scenario, all the fighters got Corona... | ||
| Look at the odds. | ||
| They're all going to be just fine. | ||
| Especially in the shape that they're in. | ||
| Odds are they're going to be fine. | ||
| If Tony Ferguson gets Corona, you'll see him the next day running hills. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| With a mask on, so he doesn't give it to other people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Correct. | |
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Now, as long as those fighters don't go back home and their grandparents are around, that's where it gets dicey. | ||
| But I'm assuming they're not fucking idiots. | ||
| Yeah, that's where it gets dicey. | ||
| I just wish there was a way to tell if you had it. | ||
| Because so many people are asymptomatic, you know, there's a lot of people that didn't feel any symptoms at all and they found out that they had it and like, whoa. | ||
| I wish there was a better way to know if you had it. | ||
| But even if there's not, again, you look at the odds, the chances are, and this is why Dana and the guys are going on with the fight, it's like, everyone should be fine. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| COVID-19 tests expected for fighters, coaches prior to UFC 249. So they're going to test them, and I think what they're doing at the event is they're going to temperature test everybody. | ||
| Temperature testing, again, to play devil's advocate, it's a little tough because, again, some people have and don't show symptoms for two days or show symptoms at all. | ||
| Expected to send test kits to fighters and teams ahead of the event, which is currently rumored to take place at Tachi Palace Casino in Lemoore, California. | ||
| A second round of testing is also expected to take place on site at 249. | ||
| Testing is one of the strongest measures the promotion can take to ensure that those who attend the event are negative for the coronavirus, which is an incubation period of up to 14 days. | ||
| It doesn't completely eliminate the possibility of spreading the virus. | ||
| According to the CDC, it's possible a person in the early stages of infection could test negative on the tests recognized by the Public Health Institute. | ||
| I got an update on Francis. | ||
| They're still finalizing the lineup, but they believe Francis will be co-main event. | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| Why would you not? | ||
| Why would you not? | ||
| But who do they have at the main event on ESPN? That's the fucking sweetener. | ||
| That's the little taste of meth that gets you to buy the pay-per-view. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Who would you? | ||
| Let me see the card again. | ||
| How about Stevens and Cater? | ||
| When is that? | ||
| Is it on the main card? | ||
| It's the main card. | ||
| It should be on the main card. | ||
| That's my fight. | ||
| Luke A and Nico Price is my fight. | ||
| That's a great fight, too. | ||
| The whole fucking card, dude. | ||
| Yeah, I just feel like... | ||
| I wish it was free, though. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
| No, they'd have to make that. | ||
| They've got to make that cheddar. | ||
| William, WME, you know, you've got to think. | ||
| All their touring acts. | ||
| Musicians, me. | ||
| Okay, I'm WME. Big deal for them. | ||
| All their touring acts. | ||
| Everything's been canceled. | ||
| Oh, 420's been moved to October. | ||
| 420 in Vancouver is moved to October 24th. | ||
| October 24th. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's moved to... | |
| You're going to be getting high October 24th. | ||
| We're going to get high as fuck in Vancouver. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| Hopefully COVID-2 doesn't come out. | ||
| So that's the main card. | ||
| And go to the prelims and see who's going to be there. | ||
| If it's not... | ||
| Jacare Uriah Hall! | ||
| Oh, Jacare. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Just move that one up. | ||
| And then the bottom is Marlon Vera and Ray Borg. | ||
| Now go to Fight Pass prelims. | ||
| So what they'll do is they'll move up Michael Johnson and Kama Worthy. | ||
| They'll do that. | ||
| That's a great fight, too, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, those are great, too. | ||
| They'll move that to ESPN. Do you know what I heard? | ||
| I heard the fighters are going to be fine, but I heard the commentators are going to be in super danger of getting Corona. | ||
| So you shouldn't do it, and we should do a Fight Companion. | ||
| I selfishly don't want you to do it at all, so we can do a great fight campaign. | ||
| I selfishly don't want to do it too, but I also, I'm very curious about what it's like to see a fight in an arena with no one there. | ||
| Have you ever been to The Ultimate Fighter? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, granted, it was in the arena, but it just feels different. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| You can literally hear the, like, oh, God. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's going to sound really weird because I scream a lot, too. | ||
| I'm like, ow! | ||
| Everyone's going to hear it. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to be very strange. | ||
| They're going to hear what I think should be done. | ||
| That might help. | ||
| Yeah, for DC. If DC's going to be there with me, if someone's wrestling. | ||
| So you think you're going to do it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I'm thinking a lot about it. | ||
| You still don't know? | ||
| Do it next Saturday. | ||
| I have to decide. | ||
| Well, listen, I said that I would do it if it was going to be in America. | ||
| I talked to Dana. | ||
| I said, look, man, you do it in America, I'm going to do it. | ||
| But it's not really in America. | ||
| It's on an Indian reservation, which means it's not sanctioned by any athletic commission. | ||
| So does it not count? | ||
| It counts. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| It'll be a sanctioned event? | ||
| How? | ||
| It says that all of their international events, they work together with the Nevada Commission to sanction them, and the ABC, which is the Association of Boxing Commission and Combative Sports, says this will be a sanctioned event. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| They pulled out all the stops. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| So how do they skirt the California rules for combat sports, then? | ||
| Because they're technically not in the jurisdiction, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they're using the... | ||
| Scroll back up again, please. | ||
| Scroll back to the beginning of the article. | ||
| Here's something to think about. | ||
| If any other... | ||
| Association of Boxing Commission in Combat of Sports. | ||
| So the ABC, which is the Association of Boxing and Combat of Sports, released a statement saying that it's taking place on tribal land. | ||
| Dude, how great is tribal land? | ||
| They can do anything. | ||
| They can do whatever they want. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| Just during these times. | ||
| They had a rough reason for why. | ||
| The roughest. | ||
| I mean, they used to own the whole country. | ||
| They did. | ||
| When the UFC does international events, they regulate themselves using Nevada State Athletic Commission inspectors, and this event on sovereign land is no different. | ||
| Fantastic. | ||
| Sovereign land. | ||
| We have little countries inside our country. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| Here's what's interesting. | ||
| If Bellator, World PFL, if they were like, fuck California Commission, we're going to do it on Native American land in California, they would never be allowed to work here again. | ||
| That Athletic Commission would be like, dude, you fucked so much, we're not doing it. | ||
| But the UFC is such a juggernaut, I don't think California is going to flex on them. | ||
| And the UFC has a close relationship with California. | ||
| Well, California Athletic Commission is run by Andy Foster. | ||
| I'm a big fan of that dude. | ||
| I like Andy. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| With the whole Jon Jones stuff, remember all that? | ||
| So he has a pretty tight relationship with the UFC and Dana White, so I don't think it's going to be an issue for them. | ||
| Well, I don't think so either. | ||
| It's being sanctioned. | ||
| Not by the California Athletic Commission, though. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| ABC Commission. | ||
| Good enough. | ||
| Here's what else is kind of interesting about this, is it's great Dana's put it on, he made it happen. | ||
| But you realize that one of the reasons they're making it happen is there's a little bit of desperation because they have to put on 40-something fights. | ||
| How many did I say, Jamie? | ||
| I read this article. | ||
| 42 for the year. | ||
| They have to put on 42 fights to get their $750 million from ESPN. They have to do that. | ||
| How many weeks are left in the year? | ||
| 38. We get a ton of fights, son. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| They gotta put on... | ||
| So, how many have they done? | ||
| They've done seven? | ||
| Seven. | ||
| 35 to go. | ||
| 38 weeks left. | ||
| So they're gonna have a fight every week. | ||
| Back to back to back. | ||
| And then they're gonna go to Fuck Island, right? | ||
| Isn't it great? | ||
| I heard they read to Jeffrey Epstein's island. | ||
| Is that true, Jamie? | ||
| That's the rumors online. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| That's so awesome. | ||
| Can you imagine if he did? | ||
| Yeah, I can. | ||
| We would treat events held on Mystery Islands the same way as well. | ||
| Mystery Islands. | ||
| We are in a goddamn movie! | ||
| So the UFC, you can sense it, and you know this. | ||
| I'm not telling you anything you don't know. | ||
| There's a little bit of desperation where they have to put on the fights to get that 750 million bucks. | ||
| ESPN goes, fuck you, pay me. | ||
| Desperation is a word that you could use. | ||
| Another word is innovation. | ||
| They had to innovate. | ||
| They had to figure out how to keep having fights. | ||
| It's desperate because they need to do something. | ||
| WME needs the money. | ||
| Everybody needs the money. | ||
| I mean, the UFC is one of the rare people that WME owns that's not fucked right now in terms of, like, firing employees. | ||
| And there was an article written that the UFC fired a bunch of employees. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| William Morris let go some of the agents' employees, but UFC didn't. | ||
| I'd say that's more credit to Dana than WME. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's both innovation and desperation. | ||
| Like, dude, we have to get this money. | ||
| We have to get this money. | ||
| We're going to figure out how to make these fights happen. | ||
| Well, they canceled three cards, right? | ||
| Postponed. | ||
| Postponed. | ||
| Three cards. | ||
| They just jammed those motherfuckers on Fuck Island. | ||
| Dude, Fuck Island? | ||
| The Fry Island? | ||
| No one knows where the island is, though, right? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Dana won't tell anyone. | ||
| It's in international waters, right? | ||
| That's the idea? | ||
| Yeah, and then all the international fighters are going to fight there. | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
| Tom Cruise is fighting. | ||
| Henry Cejudo, the real king has already told you that we're fighting May 9th. | ||
| See you there. | ||
| P.S. Bring your other tiny little friend. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| So I can slap you both around. | ||
| They said that a lot of Brazilian fighters couldn't get visas for UFC 250. Oh, is that why Aldo's not fighting? | ||
| Couldn't get visas to leave Brazil? | ||
| Because Brazil doesn't want people leaving. | ||
| Is that the idea? | ||
| Hey, but also, to be fair, Dominic Cruz versus Henry Sudo is a better fight. | ||
| It's a very good fight. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| Aldo's coming off a loss. | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| It's a loss. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I thought he won that fight. | ||
| I don't feel that a loss. | ||
| Well, what's the record show, though? | ||
| It does show it on the record, but I thought that was a bad decision. | ||
| Horrible decision, but it's tough to give him that nod. | ||
| Not if you're the UFC. You go, fuck those judges. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| No, I get it. | ||
| It's the Wild West, man. | ||
| We're fighting on Fuck Island. | ||
| Guy that lost a fight's getting a title shot. | ||
| We got an interim belt. | ||
| It's like, what the fuck is happening? | ||
| Interim belts are hilarious, but in this case... | ||
| Tony's been a two-time interim belt champion. | ||
| They better not take it from him this time. | ||
| They stole it from him before. | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| I mean, he's on the longest winning streak in UFC history, I think. | ||
| You know what's going to happen? | ||
| Isn't he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yeah, period. | ||
| Longest in lightweight, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think period, though, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think period. | |
| You think about his record. | ||
| Yeah, and in terms of, like, years. | ||
| I mean, he hasn't lost since he got his arm broken in the Michael Johnson fight. | ||
| Here's something else you gotta think about. | ||
| Tony first and Justin Gaethje are gonna be complete violence. | ||
| Tony's probably not gonna fight for a little while. | ||
| Khabib has Ramadan in August. | ||
| So I'm assuming we're going to be back to normal. | ||
| Khabib's going to want to fight before then. | ||
| Tony's not going to be ready unless he smokes Justin Gaethje. | ||
| No one smokes Justin Gaethje. | ||
| So you're going to get Conor Khabib 2 in between that. | ||
| In July. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo. | ||
| Wait a minute, but we're in March. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| April. | ||
| April. | ||
| But hold on a second. | ||
| I'm thinking... | ||
| May, June, July. | ||
| August is Ramadan. | ||
| Tony could still fight in July. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Conor's chomping at the bit to go. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but Khabib doesn't want to fight Conor. | ||
| The thing is, all that shit that he went through with Conor talking shit, Conor's already talking shit. | ||
| He's already talking shit again. | ||
| It's not like he's going to stop talking shit. | ||
| He's going to wrap it back up again. | ||
| So Khabib has to endure all that stuff again until he can get a hold of him one more time. | ||
| That's what I think they're going to do. | ||
| I have no... | ||
| Don't you think Conor has to beat one more person other than Cowboy? | ||
| You would think, but again, it's Conor McGregor. | ||
| He's the biggest... | ||
| Most famous fighter of all time. | ||
| Would you not watch Khabib Conor 2? | ||
| Oh, I'd watch it. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Especially if it takes place on Fuck Island. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dun, dun, dun. | |
| Conor supposedly deleted this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I saw that. | ||
| Anderson's front kick. | ||
| Ronda's arm, bro. | ||
| Hendel's H-bomb. | ||
| Crow Cop's high kick. | ||
| John's side kick. | ||
| The knees over and over again. | ||
| It's actually the only thing at this stage. | ||
| Khabib's little mermaid leg wrap thing that he does. | ||
| Why did he delete that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He said way worse. | ||
| Oh, who knows? | ||
| He's Conor. | ||
| Yeah, but I think you need a little bit of a layoff. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So then, you know, because you're doing this fight, which, praise the fight gods, we're getting. | ||
| But Ramadan's in August, so Khabib has to fight in between there. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Or he just... | ||
| Rides it out? | ||
| Rides it out. | ||
| Fights in the December 31st card. | ||
| God, what? | ||
| Fights when he knows that there's going to be fights. | ||
| They'll do it in Vegas. | ||
| They'll do it at T-Mobile. | ||
| Big deal. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom. | ||
| Fireworks. | ||
| He doesn't fight for money. | ||
| He doesn't give a shit. | ||
| He's probably got so much money right now. | ||
| And he's in Russia and they, like, worship him. | ||
| He drives a Toyota. | ||
| That's a bummer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know that? | |
| Which Toyota? | ||
| The island of Emerald Isle of... | ||
| The island is Emerald Isle of Ireland. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Silly. | ||
| Silly Connor. | ||
| He drives a fucking, like, a Toyota Tundra. | ||
| Those are cool. | ||
| They're fine, but, I mean, that's him. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| The guy's a multi-multi-millionaire and doesn't floss at all. | ||
| Ten times over, at least. | ||
| You look at him, he wears, like, sweatsuits and shit. | ||
| Doesn't have a fancy watch, doesn't have fancy shoes. | ||
| No sunglasses, nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| What do we do with this money? | ||
| Buys grizzly beers and shit. | ||
| He's the total polar opposite of Conor in that regard. | ||
| That's why it's fantastic. | ||
| Yeah, Conor's wearing half a million dollar watches while he's hitting the speed dial. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| Did you see that shit? | ||
| Yeah, I love it. | ||
| He's hitting a cobra bag with a fucking half a million dollar watch on it. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| You need that. | ||
| I don't know how much that watch cost, but it looked expensive. | ||
| Because you got Tony, who's labeled as the crazy guy, right? | ||
| You got Tony, who's... | ||
| Labeled? | ||
| Well, he's a different bird. | ||
| Let's just put it that way. | ||
| Did you see when Tony had sunglasses on? | ||
| He's staring down with Khabib, and he's telling Khabib to take your glasses off. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's like, take your sunglasses off. | ||
| Take your sunglasses off. | ||
| And KBee's like, what? | ||
| That's what KBee's like. | ||
| This guy is out there, man. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck? | ||
| He's a brilliant madman. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck is going on here? | ||
| I gotta deal with this guy? | ||
| I gotta deal with Connor throwing money in my face all the fucking time? | ||
| He's wearing weightlifting gloves and he's got his sleeves rolled up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so strange. | |
| I'll tell you, if Jesse were able to pull this off, Justin Gaethje, Khabib is a fucking fight, man. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Because Jesse can wrestle! | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Phenomenal. | ||
| Phenomenal fight. | ||
| He can wrestle and he's super dangerous standing up and it's really hard to take him down. | ||
| If he doesn't want to get taken down, it's a real hard go. | ||
| And he throws everything into those punches. | ||
| And he's wild but calculated. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Gaethje? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he came on Food Truck Diary and we actually got into it. | ||
| And I love when guys address stuff because, you know, I've known Gaethje for a long, long time. | ||
| And I always said he's pretty, he just goes caution to the wind and goes fucking, he just brawls. | ||
| He's like, dude, you keep saying that, man. | ||
| People keep telling me that. | ||
| He's like, it's calculated. | ||
| You gotta go back and watch the tape. | ||
| Like, he got mad. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Yeah, he goes, I know exactly what I'm doing. | ||
| I'm like, alright, dawg. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| Well, he does know what he's doing, but it is very risky. | ||
| It's both. | ||
| I think he's calculated in that he's realizing there's a high risk, high reward thing. | ||
| So he calculates that that's worth it. | ||
| Whereas a lot of people calculate, no, I'm not doing that. | ||
| I'm not fighting that way. | ||
| His style of fighting, you know, that's not a long career he's looking at. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| And that's one of the reasons I think you took this fight. | ||
| Like Chuck Liddell. | ||
| Perfect example. | ||
| Real similar style in a lot of ways. | ||
| Sprawling, bro. | ||
| Just fucking throw caution to the wind and let the hammers fly. | ||
| I mean, that style doesn't get you. | ||
| I mean, we all see how Chuck went at the end. | ||
| At the end, he couldn't take a shot anymore. | ||
| You can't do it this day and age in the UFC. You guys are too good. | ||
| You guys are way too good. | ||
| Stylebender wouldn't have beat Yoel Romero if he threw caution to the wind. | ||
| You gotta knock the fuck out. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Guys are too talented. | ||
| Guys are too talented these days. | ||
| Yeah, I think so too. | ||
| But the way Justin does it is not totally caution to the wind. | ||
| He just takes risks, a lot of risks. | ||
| But with it, you get the rewards like the Edson Barbosa knockout. | ||
| He got in Barbosa's face. | ||
| He broke Barbosa. | ||
| Smashed him. | ||
| James Vick, too. | ||
| Smash. | ||
| The way he does it to guys, too. | ||
| But then think about the highest level guys that he's fought. | ||
| You look at Dustin Poirier. | ||
| You look at his fight with Eddie Alvarez. | ||
| He lost. | ||
| What is his full record? | ||
| Who are his big victories? | ||
| His best wins, Donald Cerrone and Edson Barbosa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| And then the time he fought, who I think is a top three, top four guy, Dustin Poirier, he lost. | ||
| Eddie Alvarez at the time, monster, he lost. | ||
| And then the World Series of Fighting stuff, it's just not the UFC. Yeah, it's hard to take those. | ||
| But I feel like, yeah, those two fights in a row that he lost. | ||
| But I feel like when you look at his style in the Vic and Barboza fights and the Cerrone fight, I think he's gotten better. | ||
| I don't think you're beating those top boys. | ||
| You ain't beating Khabib fighting like that, I don't think. | ||
| Oh, who knows, man? | ||
| I mean, we don't know. | ||
| I don't know, but I would say the odds are in my favor when I say that. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Now, can Justin Gaethje beat anybody in the world? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But the odds are, with that fighting style going against Khabib, or Tony for that matter, it's tough, man. | ||
| Right, but you've got to give him an advantage striking versus Khabib. | ||
| Oh, he hits harder than all of them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But then Khabib wants to take him down, right? | ||
| Do you think Khabib's going to be able to take him down easily? | ||
| Easily, you think? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, you know, talking to some guys, I know Khabib would go against, you know, like Penn State, like Ed Ruth, who's whatever, four-time All-American, I think three-time national champion. | ||
| He has like a fucking statue at Penn State. | ||
| I know he wrestled with him, and it does not go well. | ||
| For him? | ||
| For Ed Ruth. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I know guys come in and get fucking mauled up by Khabib. | ||
| World-class wrestlers. | ||
| Way heavier than him. | ||
| Fucks him up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Guys we know. | ||
| That good? | ||
| That good. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Talk to DC about it. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I have. | ||
| I have, but I want to hear it from you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's such a monster, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you hear someone like Josh Thompson and you hear these guys tell the stories about Khabib, you're like, I don't know if he'll ever lose. | ||
| He's that good? | ||
| And they go, dude, we've never seen him lose a round in practice. | ||
| Well, he lost one round ever in a fight, and that was round three against Conor where it looked like he was kind of taking the round off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, but I mean, that's what guys do when they want a final push to finish a guy, and then you wind up finishing him the next round. | ||
| I think that rematch is, again, can Conor beat him? | ||
| I don't know, but I think if Conor's focus has a full camp, I think that fight does go a little different. | ||
| I do give Conor a better chance. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, you never know. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's the funnest. | ||
| Yeah, it is fun. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| There's no basketball. | ||
| Basketball can't perform right now. | ||
| Well, the thing about the difference between basketball and everything else and MMA is in MMA, there's two guys that are fighting. | ||
| And then there's one referee. | ||
| Those are the ones in contact with each other. | ||
| With basketball, everyone's fucking on top of everybody. | ||
| Fighting five, you've got the bench, the coaches. | ||
| Pressing up, shooting in each other's faces. | ||
| Football, same thing. | ||
| Colliding on top of each other. | ||
| They're not going to miss a beat. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Well, didn't Gavin, our governor, say something about football not coming back? | ||
| He doesn't count. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He doesn't count. | ||
| When you talk to Trump and you hear some of these other people talk, Trump told the NFL, the commissioners, I'm planning for the NFL season to not skip a beat. | ||
| Dude, you want to see people piss in America? | ||
| Fuck with football. | ||
| Fuck with LSU football or Georgia football, college football. | ||
| See what happens. | ||
| You think things are bad now? | ||
| Fuck with the college football. | ||
| You know, this is a weird time, too, because it's right before the election. | ||
| You know, election comes in November. | ||
| Like, imagine if this shit was going on right now and the election's, like, next week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Chaos. | ||
| Your boy Bernie dropped out. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That's a wrap. | ||
| Biden ain't beating Trump. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| That's your best? | ||
| That's the guy? | ||
| It shows you how crazy the system is. | ||
| That they wanted him. | ||
| That they wanted Biden to be their guy. | ||
| That they can't admit that he's in cognitive decline. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| Listen, I fuck up all the time. | ||
| I speak for a living. | ||
| I fuck up all the time. | ||
| But Biden? | ||
| He fucks up, man. | ||
| You're a politician. | ||
| I fuck up all the time, too. | ||
| But we're also talking live for hours and hours and hours at a time. | ||
| If I had a prepared thing that I was doing... | ||
| Like my stand-up, I don't fuck up in. | ||
| You would be sharp as fuck if you were having one of those conversations. | ||
| They're asking you... | ||
| Look, if someone wants to ask me questions about things that I understand, like MMA or like comedy, like if you want to ask me questions about things that I think about and talk about all the time... | ||
| You have your black belt in both of us. | ||
| Yeah, I can talk to you and really clearly about those things and make a lot of sense. | ||
| He can't do that about politics, and he's been a politician forever. | ||
| And that's your shit. | ||
| He's an... | ||
| You know, he's a guy who's suffering. | ||
| He's in decline. | ||
| And they're going to try to whale him out. | ||
| And whoever his VP is, whether it's Kamala Harris or whoever it is. | ||
| Michelle Obama? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Whoever it is. | ||
| But that's who you're voting for. | ||
| I mean, it's sort of like when Dick Cheney was basically running the country while George Bush was the president. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| There's no way he beats Trump. | ||
| He doesn't beat Trump. | ||
| Not a chance. | ||
| No, not a chance. | ||
| Especially because of the timing of this. | ||
| Right now, we're in the shit, right? | ||
| We're in the April shit. | ||
| It's the worst time of the corona. | ||
| A lot of people are dying. | ||
| There's a slight drop-off in New York. | ||
| People dying less today than yesterday. | ||
| Slight drop-off yesterday from the day before. | ||
| So things are looking pretty good. | ||
| In May, it's gonna be. | ||
| Yeah, California is looking very good, right? | ||
| Yeah, we're crushing it, huh? | ||
| California is looking very good. | ||
| So, and then... | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
| And so then you go June, July, August. | ||
| Hopefully everything's up and running again. | ||
| Economy starts coming back on track. | ||
| Trump makes a couple of great speeches. | ||
| Biden is more in decline. | ||
| It's not going to get better. | ||
| No, those two face off. | ||
| Trump's going to light him up like a Comedy Central roast. | ||
| He's already dismissing him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sleepy Biden. | ||
| But he's saying, like, someone said, Biden said this. | ||
| First of all, he didn't write that. | ||
| It was a Democratic operative. | ||
| He probably doesn't even know what it says. | ||
| He's going to destroy him, man. | ||
| He's going to kill him, man. | ||
| I mean, it's such an easy target. | ||
| It's like Mike Tyson versus a three-year-old. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's a terrible fight. | ||
| I thought Bernie had a legit chance. | ||
| Bernie had a legit chance. | ||
| He had a legit chance because there's a lot of people that are in the middle, a lot of people that are casually acquainted with politics, that would listen to his message of doing good for the working class people, doing good for the poor people. | ||
| I think you helped out with that. | ||
| I think you made him human. | ||
| When he was on here, I was like, oh, I like that guy. | ||
| Would you have Biden on? | ||
| Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| What if he was like this awesome dude? | ||
| Well, I'm sure he's a great guy. | ||
| He's just really nervous on stage and he comes in and just drops knowledge. | ||
| No, he never was like that. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If you go back and listen to him from when he was younger, he was whip smart. | ||
| Very smart guy. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Very clear. | ||
| I'm sure all those. | ||
| Very clear talker. | ||
| This is a sign of decline. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| I'm done with all that shit. | ||
| That Bernie Sanders thing was such a bummer. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because they turned all the stuff that I did in stand-up and things that I've said drunk and stoned on a podcast and put it in quotes as if I'm a homophobe or a transphobe or a racist. | ||
| They just lied to make it look like Bernie was supporting some right-wing person. | ||
| Meanwhile, I'm left-wing. | ||
| I've never been right-wing in my life. | ||
| But also, those people don't matter. | ||
| But it didn't matter as much as it made me feel like this is a dirty business. | ||
| Like, I don't want to be a part of your dirty business. | ||
| It's the dirtiest business. | ||
| They're trying to change people's opinions with deception. | ||
| It's not like they're trying to tell you how good their guy is. | ||
| They're using deception. | ||
| They're using fuckery. | ||
| It's sleazy. | ||
| It's sleazy. | ||
| It's a sleazy business. | ||
| It's not a meritocracy. | ||
| After Bernie came on, did other politicians reach out? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Yeah, and they denied it, too. | ||
| I got emails. | ||
| I'll release the emails, bitch. | ||
| Who wants them? | ||
| No, a lot of them. | ||
| A lot of them reached out. | ||
| Well, they reached out to the publicist, but I'm not interested in... | ||
| Look, I'm only interested in interviewing people that I thought were interesting, that I was interested in, like Andrew Yang. | ||
| Interested in that guy. | ||
| I like him, too. | ||
| I like him. | ||
| Smart guy. | ||
| I love Tulsi Gabbard. | ||
| I like her too. | ||
| She's so dangerous to those people that they wouldn't want... | ||
| They were changing the rules to keep her from debating. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| After she sank Kamala Harris, they're like, this lady's too dangerous. | ||
| Kamala Harris is pretty hot. | ||
| You like her? | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| What's going on in your house? | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| This quarantine's making me weird. | ||
| What's going on in your house? | ||
|
unidentified
|
People get crazy in this fucking lockdown, man. | |
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I'm using it as like an exercise camp. | ||
| I've been working out a lot. | ||
| I work out two, three times a day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That's great. | ||
| I ride my bike. | ||
| I go, you know, eight, ten miles on that mountain bike. | ||
| Dude, we went at Onnit. | ||
| We ran out of kettlebells so quick. | ||
| Everybody ran out of kettlebells. | ||
| For at-home workouts, right? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Everybody wants a kettlebell. | ||
| Because you can get an amazing workout in with one kettlebell. | ||
| You sit it in the corner of your house, you know? | ||
| Great workout. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Dude, I remember when I got that... | ||
| I'm not hating on Peloton. | ||
| When I got Peloton, you're like, dude, that thing's for bitches. | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
| I'm on there every day. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Sometimes two, three times a day. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I'm thick as fuck. | ||
| And I got a real bike? | ||
| Oh, it's not. | ||
| It's nowhere near the same. | ||
| It's a lot harder when you're running up. | ||
| So much harder. | ||
| Especially going up hills and shit. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You're doing trails? | ||
| Trails. | ||
| Yeah, trail biking is hard. | ||
| Right behind my house on, like, legit trails. | ||
| The thing that bugs me, though, is you look like you're running away to a mountain lion. | ||
| Mountain lions have gone after bikers before. | ||
| I thought of you two days ago. | ||
| I was on the trails at 7 a.m. | ||
| I was the first one there, so you can just see the fresh mud. | ||
| I see these huge paw prints. | ||
| And I was like, I remember you going, dude, you don't have a knife or anything? | ||
| And I have this fanny pack that I ride with to keep all my stuff. | ||
| And I'm like, and I look down, I'm like, I have nothing. | ||
| I have a knife from this company called Half Face Blades. | ||
| What is it like when you take a bunch of letters like ABC? What is it called when you just say ABC? You know, the American Boxing Commission? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Abbreviation. | |
| Just an abbreviation? | ||
| It's S-H-P-O-S. That's the name of the knife. | ||
| It's a subhuman piece of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, damn. | |
| So it's a knife that's made. | ||
| It's like a spike. | ||
| It's shaped like if you really wanted, if you were in combat, it's got a loop for your thumb. | ||
| So if you really wanted, if you're being attacked by a cat, I've thought this out. | ||
| Do you have another one? | ||
| Yeah, I have another one. | ||
| I have four of them. | ||
| I'll give you one of them. | ||
| You want one? | ||
| I have nothing. | ||
| Do you have it here? | ||
| No, I don't have it here, but I'll get you one. | ||
| Yeah, please do. | ||
| I was so scared. | ||
| It's a Navy SEAL run company, too. | ||
| Oh, hell yeah. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| I have a neoprene fanny pack that I run in. | ||
| My cell phone sits in here, and I have that motherfucker right there. | ||
| That's what I'm going to do from now on. | ||
| I was running with ear pods on and listening to music, but the problem is I run with the dog all the time. | ||
| I want to be able to hear him, and then also... | ||
| Rattlesnakes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Do you see the picture I posted of this rattlesnake? | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| Oh, I was on the trail. | ||
| I sent it to you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I was like, dude, look at this fucking rattle. | ||
| That was a dragon. | ||
| A straight up dragon. | ||
| And I have nothing. | ||
| It was so thick. | ||
| So thick. | ||
| The thing is, you're not fighting a rattlesnake with a knife. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Look at that fucker. | ||
| No. | ||
| That was someone sent that to me. | ||
| It's on his Instagram. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| That's that fucking thing, dude. | ||
| Look at the size of this fucker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a big snake, man. | ||
| Look how thick he is. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| And I was like, oh, look at Theo. | ||
| That's a serpent, brother. | ||
| He's so stupid. | ||
| Tim Dillon, that's my agent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| I love Tim. | ||
| I didn't see that comment. | ||
| That's so fucking funny. | ||
| So again, I usually run with headphones on, and that day I was running, I was on my bike, and I took one out for whatever reason. | ||
| I'm running, and I hear something, and I look down, I see, I'm like, holy fuck! | ||
| And I'm not scared of a lot, but I'm scared of snakes, man. | ||
| I really am. | ||
| You should be scared of rattlesnakes, because if they get you, it's a mess. | ||
| Well, I'm usually with my son. | ||
| Imagine a kid gets bit by a fucking rattlesnake. | ||
| I think about it all the time. | ||
| I was looking at a house once and there was a rattlesnake right in the front yard. | ||
| Oh, that's a bad sign. | ||
| I killed it. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| I stomped on its head. | ||
| Yeah, fuck yeah. | ||
| Because I was like, first of all, it's these people's house. | ||
| Even if I don't buy this house. | ||
| And if they have kids or dogs. | ||
| They did have a kid. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| But my wife was like, that's a bad sign. | ||
| She's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But with that, I'm like, and I wanted to go that way. | ||
| I was going back home downhill. | ||
| I'm like, dude, please don't make me go back around six miles uphill. | ||
| It's such a nightmare. | ||
| And I was like, I'm just going to fucking run by it. | ||
| And I just had this vision in my head of him fucking leashing out if I made a quick movement. | ||
| So I was like, I'm going to get some rocks. | ||
| So I'm throwing rocks at him. | ||
| This thing didn't give a fuck, dude. | ||
| It was hitting him in the head and he's just staring at me and went, he's a pretty gangster. | ||
| I'm going to go back the long way. | ||
| Went the long way, dude. | ||
| I was so scared, man. | ||
| You should be. | ||
| You get bit by a rattlesnake, it is a real nightmare. | ||
| I'm in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| I'd be so fucked. | ||
| It causes necrosis all around the injury. | ||
| Your tissue rots away. | ||
| There's some horrible websites that will show you what it looks like when someone gets bit by a rattlesnake and then they have to have multiple, multiple surgeries. | ||
| Skin grafts, all the tissue around the injury dies. | ||
| This one guy got bit on his arm, and I want to say it took him like 13 surgeries to get back the use of his arm. | ||
| But I mean, over years, it was like a huge, like huge rotting hole where the bite was, where you could see the bone. | ||
| And in the mountain land, I'm thinking, because I saw the big print, I'm like, that's a big fucking cat, man. | ||
| How big was it? | ||
| Like a hand? | ||
| A little small in my hand. | ||
| They're big and they're out there. | ||
| There's a lot of them, man. | ||
| There's a lot of them. | ||
| If they're hungry... | ||
| Try finding deer these days. | ||
| When was the last time you saw a deer? | ||
| Couldn't tell you. | ||
| Especially around our parts. | ||
| Couldn't tell you. | ||
| There should be deer everywhere. | ||
| If there's a deer and there's a buck and a doe and then there's a bunch of other does, there should be deer everywhere. | ||
| It should be like Pennsylvania where you can't drive at night or you're worried about hitting them. | ||
| Pennsylvania doesn't have any mountain lions. | ||
| We got a fuckload of cats, and we have bobcats, too. | ||
| We have coyotes. | ||
| I'll fuck a bobcat up, man. | ||
| You think you would. | ||
| I don't think- But if you had a 40-pound cat trying to kill you, you'd be freaked out. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| The thing about a mountain lion killing you is it might be able to kill you, but I want to have something where I'm going to plunge it into his fucking eyeball. | ||
| Give me that knife, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Please. | ||
| It's like a spike. | ||
| I thought of you right away. | ||
| Have you seen his website? | ||
| Go to the Half Face Blades website. | ||
| And I thought of you coming on the show being like, you guys, you and Brian's sad, and Eddie's there, and I'm gone, my seat's open. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| And you being like, I fucking told him. | ||
| I fucking told him. | ||
| Dude, if you got killed by a mountain lion, I would become the mountain lion punisher. | ||
| I would set food out. | ||
| I'd set food out there and wear a fucking ghillie suit and be hiding in the bushes. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| Fuck, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but it's wrapped with... | ||
| It's not a metal handle. | ||
| It's wrapped with paracord. | ||
| Let's see if there's an image of it with the paracord. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Either way, I'm shoving that thing into some mountain lion's eyeball. | ||
| It's so stressful. | ||
| Yeah, I stopped taking my son on that path. | ||
| We go on a much smaller one now. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| There's a lot of wildlife out there, but at least we don't have grizzly bears. | ||
| You know? | ||
| At least we don't have... | ||
| God, man. | ||
| I'm just so scared now. | ||
| You should be scared. | ||
| You should be packing heat. | ||
| I gotta do something. | ||
| And I go deep, man. | ||
| I go down the mountain on my bike. | ||
| That's a good one, too. | ||
| A spike. | ||
| Oh, that thing's sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I want to be able to cut, too, not just puncture. | ||
| Oh, just fucking... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The subhuman piece of shit's my knife. | ||
| I thought it through. | ||
| But your dog hasn't encountered any snakes or anything? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, he hasn't, but my other dogs had. | ||
| Frank Sinatra, my pit bull, when he was alive, he had been bitten three different times by rattlesnakes. | ||
| Never on the nose. | ||
| Yeah, on his face. | ||
| That's when they die though, right? | ||
| He was good. | ||
| That dog with a tank. | ||
| He'd be so crazy. | ||
| His face swole up like a balloon. | ||
| I had to bring him in. | ||
| Have you seen the... | ||
| I saw some research that was saying rattlesnakes are aware that the rattle gives them away and people are killing them, so they're not rattling as much anymore. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's the new study they found out. | ||
| So they're evolving? | ||
| They're evolving. | ||
| Realizing the rattles give them away to humans and they get killed. | ||
| So they got smarter and they're not rattling as much. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| So I see that big snake. | ||
| I go the other way. | ||
| I see an old man walking down. | ||
| I go, dude, there's the biggest rattlesnake you've ever seen about 500 yards away. | ||
| He goes, really? | ||
| I go, yeah. | ||
| He goes, I have to go this way. | ||
| My wife and kid are down there. | ||
| And they're coming up. | ||
| He goes, can you show me where? | ||
| I go, sure. | ||
| I walk down there. | ||
| I go, he's right. | ||
| He's not there. | ||
| And then behind us we hear... | ||
| Dude, so scary. | ||
| I was running with my dogs once. | ||
| We're going down this hill on this trail, and I ran over this stick. | ||
| And as I'm in the air over the stick, I realize it's a rattlesnake. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's a big one, like as thick as my forearm. | ||
| I'm like, holy fuck. | ||
| That was the biggest snake I've ever seen. | ||
| Did he do anything? | ||
| Nope, just laid there. | ||
| And then I started throwing rocks at him, and I was screaming at my dogs to back up. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And I threw rocks at him, and he got off the trail, and he slithered into the bushes. | ||
| It's so scary when you see them. | ||
| That was a long time ago. | ||
| That was more than 10 years ago. | ||
| But I remember while it was happening, I was like, whoa. | ||
| I was like, that is a big fucking scene. | ||
| Fat, thick around. | ||
| Like an old one. | ||
| And you're not going to do shit. | ||
| Like if it bites you, it's not like there's going to be this tussle. | ||
| No. | ||
| If it bites you, you're fucked. | ||
| He's fucking out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| And it's so bad. | ||
| You don't suck the poison out or cut it or any of that stuff that people say. | ||
| You wet it with a cold, damp cloth and you get to a doctor as quick as you can. | ||
| What about a tourniquet? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I don't think you're supposed to do that. | ||
| I think that's all bullshit. | ||
| I think what it does is it digests the meat. | ||
| See, what rattlesnake venom does is like when it stabs a rabbit or some shit, it doesn't have... | ||
| Like, it's not an animal that digests things the way that we do. | ||
| And I think one of the things it does is the poison helps digest the meat. | ||
| Because their poison doesn't just, like, kill the thing and paralyze the thing, but it also breaks down the tissue. | ||
| So then when it's eating it, it's like the necrosis of the tissue. | ||
| Might have made all that up. | ||
| No, it sounds legit. | ||
| Did you hear that? | ||
| There's that rapper, I think, Mike Posner. | ||
| So he was running from California to Florida. | ||
| He got bit by a rattlesnake, right? | ||
| In Colorado, I think, I forget where he's at. | ||
| He got bit by a baby rattlesnake, which is more dangerous because babies don't know how to control their venom. | ||
| The big ones do. | ||
| Babies are just like, ah, fuck it, and they release all their venom. | ||
| So it's supposed to be more dangerous to get bit by a baby. | ||
| I heard that's a myth. | ||
| I might have made that up. | ||
| No, I don't think you did make it up because I heard it before, but then I remember reading that baby rattlesnakes are no more deadly than regular rattlesnakes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I know Mike Posner was fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he'd do a rap in every city, and then he was doing a rap from his hospital bed. | ||
| Fucked up. | ||
| It ruined his shit. | ||
| He was stuck in there for weeks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weeks? | |
| Yeah, because the baby rattler really fucked him up. | ||
| Well, my dogs got fucked up three different times. | ||
| My female, she got fucked up once, and my male got fucked up three times. | ||
| So three different times I had to bring them in. | ||
| One time they both got fucked up. | ||
| But they were fine. | ||
| Yeah, but they had to get anti-venom and it's... | ||
| It's expensive. | ||
| Yeah, it's expensive. | ||
| It's several thousand dollars for the anti-venom, so if you're poor... | ||
| Think about milking the snake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of course it's expensive. | ||
| You got some fucking dude milking the snake's venom? | ||
| You know, you can get immune to that shit. | ||
| Guys, they milk snakes and then they give themselves like a little bit at a time and eventually they get immune to it. | ||
| Isn't that nuts? | ||
| Pretty nuts. | ||
| Yeah, like those snake handler dudes. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Have you ever seen those dudes who handle snakes in church services? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| That's some old school fire and brimstone shit, man. | ||
| Handling snakes. | ||
| Have you seen that evil priest? | ||
| He has like this real evil eyes. | ||
| Him and his boys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm gonna blow COVID away. | |
| Yeah, that's that same guy that he got interviewed by some woman. | ||
| She was asking him, do you think that poor people are demons? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I never said that! | |
| He's so scary. | ||
| I never said that. | ||
| Then he tries to smile. | ||
| He can tell he wants to hit a bitch. | ||
| What is his name again? | ||
| Kenneth Copeland? | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, he's a scary dude. | ||
| He's a scary dude. | ||
| And he's got a lot of money. | ||
| Tons of it. | ||
| Flies private and shit. | ||
| He's got his own jets. | ||
| But now he can't have a crowd, so it's just him and his boys. | ||
| And they're all, praise Jesus! | ||
| Blow it away! | ||
| Blow it away! | ||
| There's no crowd, yeah. | ||
| Which is really weird. | ||
| He's doing this show with no crowd. | ||
| I think he bought his jet from Tyler Perry. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| He bought Tyler Perry's jet. | ||
| Fucking right he did. | ||
| You know what's weird is Wrestlemania did it with no crowd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you thought wrestling was weird before, try and watch it with no crowd. | ||
| So strange. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Things with no crowd. | ||
| People that are doing stand-up with no crowd need to stop doing stand-up with no crowd. | ||
| Please stop doing it. | ||
| Stop doing that. | ||
| We got our text. | ||
| We send videos of people doing stand-up without a crowd. | ||
| It's tough, man. | ||
| Well, not only that, but the people that are doing stand-up without a crowd, they're not good at it to begin with. | ||
| They're not good at it with a crowd. | ||
| So then they do it with no crowd and like, oh my god, this is a disaster. | ||
| It's the biggest disaster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's so tough to watch on stage with no crowd. | ||
| Like their punchline. | ||
| It's just like, oh fuck. | ||
| I know. | ||
| People are talking about doing Zoom stand-up. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I'm going to wait this out. | ||
| I mean, is that what it's going to come down to? | ||
| If they can do that with Snake Venom, can't they do that with the fucking Corona? | ||
| Just give me a little bit. | ||
| I'm so... | ||
| Optimistic about things. | ||
| I got a show end of June in Spokane, Washington. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Damn, gangster. | ||
| You think it's going to be open by then? | ||
| Washington had a lot of deaths. | ||
| But now they're the best because they've gone through it. | ||
| So now it's way down there. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Washington, California is kicking ass. | ||
| But Washington is kicking more ass than California because they fucking peaked. | ||
| Jamie, what's the latest when California is going to open up? | ||
| See if it says that. | ||
| It's interesting, Los Angeles County tried to have gun stores shut down, saying that they're not essential, and they put the kibosh on that with the quickness! | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| Quickness! | ||
| Dude, you're a shooter now. | ||
| I'm a shooter now. | ||
| That was fun, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you like it? | |
| That was fun as fuck. | ||
| It was a good time, right? | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| It's good to know. | ||
| It's good to know how to shoot accurately and quickly. | ||
| Yeah, because I have my guns at home, but I can't... | ||
| I mean, I've only shot it once, and it was just some bullshit. | ||
| Not like with legit trainers and coaches. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's great, right? | ||
| So fun. | ||
| You get good at it. | ||
| I'm going to go back out there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's go. | |
| Because you got to shoot the cool gun, right? | ||
| Did you? | ||
| No, Callan did. | ||
| Yeah, I've shot it before. | ||
| You've shot it before, but that day you have to get going. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I left shortly after you. | ||
| Callan stayed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's a good thing to learn. | ||
| It's a good thing to learn, to learn how to handle a gun, to learn how to use it correctly, learn all the safety procedures, but learn how to do it accurately, use the proper technique. | ||
| It's like everything else, like martial arts or everything. | ||
| You need to know how to do it right. | ||
| You get familiar with it. | ||
| Yeah, it makes a big difference, man. | ||
| You know, and doing it at Terran Tactical, where they trained Keanu Reeves for John Wick, and Halle Berry trained there for John Wick 3, and he trains a bunch of people for movies. | ||
| He's the real deal. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Nice guy, too. | ||
| A lot of cops there, too. | ||
| You know, a lot of people practicing that need it for the line of duty. | ||
| Yeah, it was interesting. | ||
| He was saying he has a lot of special forces guys there. | ||
| And I was like, oh, do they just kill this? | ||
| He goes, it's not really their thing. | ||
| He goes, a lot of them come and they don't do great because that's not, it's just not what they practice at. | ||
| He goes, once they get it down, yeah, they're monsters. | ||
| But at first, no. | ||
| Yeah, their thing is killing bad guys. | ||
| Their thing is not hitting metal targets. | ||
| Training with a gun is like training with everything else. | ||
| It's like the more you do it, the better you get at it. | ||
| It's that simple. | ||
| It's just most people don't get the opportunity to do what we did, to train with a guy like Taren and learn correctly, learn how to do it from a real master like that. | ||
| A guy who's won countless competitions. | ||
| Yeah, he's fast with it. | ||
| It's a weird thing, right? | ||
| To be able to be really good at shooting something. | ||
| How about I go, can you imagine... | ||
| I was telling you and Brian, I go, can you imagine shooting a human like this? | ||
| You go, sure can! | ||
| Sure can! | ||
| Imagine if someone broke into your house, Brandon. | ||
| I was like, oh yeah, no doubt. | ||
| You could. | ||
| Yeah, you could. | ||
| That's one of the weird things. | ||
| There are so many people that I know that are real anti-gun that got guns. | ||
| When this whole thing went down, a buddy of mine, I don't want to say his name, but his wife was like, you can never have a gun in this house. | ||
| He's like, okay, okay. | ||
| Soon as this shit went down, she's like, we need to get a gun. | ||
| Get a gun. | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| Damn right. | ||
| Full change. | ||
| Anthony Smith fights home intruder, man charged with criminal trespass. | ||
| Yeah, you were telling me about that. | ||
| Apparently the guy was tough, too. | ||
| And smaller than him. | ||
| He said the guy was like 170 pounds. | ||
| And the guy took everything he could throw at him. | ||
| Maybe he's on meth. | ||
| He said, no normal human being is able to fight like that. | ||
| He said, I am by no means the baddest dude on the planet. | ||
| Listen, he's top 100. Out of all the humans on the planet, Anthony Smith is one of the top 100 baddest motherfuckers that's walking the earth. | ||
| But he's a regular Joe, and I had a hard time dealing with him, and he took everything I gave him, every punch, every knee, every elbow. | ||
| He took every single one of them and kept fighting me. | ||
| At one point, Smith said his mother-in-law brought him a kitchen knife, which he held to Haberman, who continued to fight him. | ||
| Why didn't he just choke him unconscious? | ||
| That's a legit point. | ||
| Why wouldn't you just choke the fuck out of him? | ||
| Yeah, I just... | ||
| Haberman said, hey, I'm sorry, as he walked by after things calmed down. | ||
| Hey, man, I'm sorry. | ||
| I'm sorry I tried to kill you. | ||
| He said there was blood all over the computer and Haberman was cut and had swelling on his face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he didn't land anything on Anthony. | ||
| Anthony just beat the shit on him. | ||
| This guy took it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| But the guy took it. | ||
| The fact that the guy only weighed 170 pounds, and it says Smith fights at 205 pounds. | ||
| He's walking around 230 easy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He's a big kid. | ||
| And he's smashing this dude that's a legit 60 pounds lighter than him, which is crazy. | ||
| He said he experienced a wide range of emotions afterwards. | ||
| I like Smith a lot. | ||
| He's a very intelligent dude. | ||
| Have you heard him as an analyst? | ||
| Yes, he's excellent. | ||
| He has a future in that. | ||
| He's got a future in fighting, too. | ||
| I think after he fought Jon Jones, he got the rub, and he looked fantastic in the next fight with Gustafson. | ||
| If you remember that fight, he could have easily won that fight with that DQ. Remember that? | ||
| John hit him and they go, do you want to continue fighting or do you want to come out? | ||
| Did he hit him with a low knee? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| But you remember that? | ||
| It was a knee when he was down. | ||
| And he goes, do you want to stop the fight? | ||
| And he would have won the fight. | ||
| And he goes, that's not my style. | ||
| He goes, continue the fight. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I don't remember that. | ||
| But I remember it vaguely. | ||
| He's a badass, man. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He's a very, very smart guy. | ||
| If you're going to act out and make the news, now's the time. | ||
| Because it's gonna go away. | ||
| We're trying to not die. | ||
| We don't give a fuck what John's doing. | ||
| There's a little bit of that, right? | ||
| But there's also a little bit of people being angry. | ||
| We know about John. | ||
| Yeah, but the world doesn't, you think? | ||
| No. | ||
| But even with Kobe's death, have you heard anyone talk like that? | ||
| Before this came, it was so heavy with Kobe. | ||
| No one's really even mentioned it. | ||
| Because we're so focused on beating this fucking virus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| I'm curious to see when all is said and done, how many more people die of the flu than of dying of COVID. Yes. | ||
| Because it's going to be higher. | ||
| The flu numbers are going to be higher. | ||
| I mean, imagine if we just do this every time there's a flu. | ||
| There's a shutdown. | ||
| Don't you think at some point with society, we're going to get to a point where people are sick of being quarantined and they're going to look at the numbers and go, okay, these are the odds of me getting it and the odds of me surviving it. | ||
| I'm not going to live my life like this, man. | ||
| Yeah, you shouldn't because the odds are you, you know, dying from driving in the same way. | ||
| I mean, the other thing is when people leave the house, you're putting people at danger. | ||
| Okay, do you drive? | ||
| Well, you're putting people at danger. | ||
| You know how many people die every year? | ||
| 30,000 people die every year from motor vehicle accidents in the United States? | ||
| Well, think how many lives have been saved because of the quarantine, because of no car crashes. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| A ton! | ||
| Except, have you noticed how people are driving like fucking idiots? | ||
| Oh, I drive 170 miles an hour. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| I drive like I robbed a bank, and it's out of... | ||
| The other day I went, I gotta calm down. | ||
| I spun my car out, getting on the 405. Did you really? | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| No one's out! | ||
| It's fucking bombs over Baghdad. | ||
| Fucking GT2. I never get to drive like this. | ||
| That car is so crazy. | ||
| You can't drive like that in that car. | ||
| That car's too bonkers. | ||
| It's so fun, dude. | ||
| And no one's on Topanga Canyon or Malibu Canyon? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It's so weird, right? | ||
| I'm going to put a GoPro on. | ||
| You guys should see the way I drive. | ||
| One of the things this makes me realize is how much I would love living in a smaller town. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Because I like it when there's no traffic, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's nice. | |
| I love it. | ||
| It just feels different when you're driving around. | ||
| It feels more relaxed. | ||
| You know what else? | ||
| I'm realizing how... | ||
| Obviously, LA's huge, but to get to Pasadena or Hollywood or Santa Monica with no traffic... | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Everywhere's like 18 minutes away. | ||
| It's so nice. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Two hours of its regular shit. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Like how much does it get to San Diego right now? | ||
| It's an hour and 10 minutes. | ||
| So easy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| San Diego is a nightmare. | ||
| Driving to San Diego. | ||
| Oh dude, when I do La Jolla, you have to do a Thursday night show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What time do you leave? | ||
| I leave at noon. | ||
| I leave at noon? | ||
| I left at 11 last time. | ||
| It still took me three and a half hours. | ||
| Yeah, 11's probably better, because then you don't get that 3 o'clock traffic. | ||
| If you don't get past the OC by 2 o'clock, you're fucked, man. | ||
| The OC is the worst traffic on Earth. | ||
| It's like right up there with Mexico City. | ||
| Orange County's so crazy. | ||
| There's so many people jammed into Orange County. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| They must have a lot of COVID-19 in Orange County. | ||
| Not as bad as us. | ||
| Really? | ||
| All of California is kind of kicking ass, so I don't know. | ||
| Two and a half hours to downtown San Diego right now. | ||
| Right now it says that? | ||
| That's a nice drive. | ||
| That's if you drive like a bitch. | ||
| Drive his car. | ||
| Yeah, you drive my car. | ||
| It's about an hour and a half. | ||
| I started looking at ways to kind of mod it even. | ||
| But when you talk to a Porsche enthusiast, you're like, dude, don't fucking touch it, man. | ||
| Don't touch it. | ||
| Your car's too fast as it is. | ||
| You're not going to make it faster. | ||
| It's just so good. | ||
| The GT2 is a rare, perfect car. | ||
| It's perfection. | ||
| It's one of those rare cars where right off the assembly line, they nailed it. | ||
| I love that fucking car. | ||
| It's a beast of a car, man. | ||
| Do you think you could ever live in San Diego? | ||
| That's one of the places I think I could live. | ||
| Dude, me too. | ||
| I was talking about it with Cal and I said if I didn't have to be in LA for entertainment purposes and stand-up, I'd move to La Jolla. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The house in La Jolla and it's quiet, good families. | ||
| Very nice. | ||
| Restaurants, coffee. | ||
| Cliffs. | ||
| Now, how many restaurants are they going to be open? | ||
| How quick do you think everything bounces back? | ||
| They have to bounce back. | ||
| So I bet people are going to be eager to bounce back, man. | ||
| Right, but the restaurants that are going under, it's going to take a long time before they rebuild and reopen. | ||
| The other thing is, because you're obviously a theater slash arena act, I think September, October is going to be fine for you, but June, July, August in theaters is going to be tough. | ||
| Unless they ask people to wear a mask or some shit, or maybe at the regular kind of comedy places, like the Comedy Zones and Heliums, they don't let as many people. | ||
| What if they're gonna test people coming in, test their temperature coming in? | ||
| You know? | ||
| But then you're in line with all those people. | ||
| Like, imagine if you're in line and some dude's got the fever, and he's right in front of you, and they test him like, sir, you have to leave, and everyone's like, ah! | ||
| Back away, back away! | ||
| I saw World War Z the other day. | ||
| Not a good idea. | ||
| Not a good idea during all this. | ||
| Dude, those people were talking about out of shape. | ||
| If zombies come, you're even more fucked. | ||
| You'll be the first one. | ||
| Yeah, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| My thing about zombies were, always in The Walking Dead, why is this lasting years? | ||
| How are there still zombies? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| What are they eating? | ||
| How are they staying alive? | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| Well, they're zombies, though, you know. | ||
| And they're slow zombies. | ||
| The slow zombies, I feel like we could wipe them out in a day. | ||
| Yeah, why are they so slow? | ||
| And then Z-World was like, fuck that noise. | ||
| They're like running zombies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And these things are fast. | |
| Well, the 28 days later were the first fast zombies. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| They were the first fast zombies. | ||
| They were the scariest zombies. | ||
| 28 Days Later is still, to me, for my money, that's the scariest fucking horror movie. | ||
| It's up there. | ||
| The scariest zombie movie, I should say. | ||
| Most realistic. | ||
| World War Z is up there, though, man. | ||
| It's not as violent. | ||
| There's some violence in 28 Days Later. | ||
| We're like, Jesus Christ! | ||
| Where people have to hack other people apart, their loved ones. | ||
| Boyfriends and girlfriends hack each other apart when they realize the person just got it and they're about to turn. | ||
| Well, how about Brad Pitt with his girl? | ||
| They're on the plane. | ||
| She got bitten. | ||
| He fucking hacks her arm off. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| I don't remember that. | ||
| Before they got on the plane, she got bit. | ||
| And he's like, let me see your arm. | ||
| And he's like, bite down this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, goosh! | |
| She cuts her arm off. | ||
| And then they're on the plane. | ||
| And they're chilling. | ||
| Everything's all good. | ||
| And then the zombie comes out the back. | ||
| And he's like, oh, shit. | ||
| Takes the grenade. | ||
| Throws it on the plane. | ||
| Why do I not remember this? | ||
| Dude, this movie's fantastic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it right here? | |
| Brad Pitt's my favorite. | ||
| Is it his arm? | ||
| Yeah, because they're there and she's biting down, and he's like, bite down, this cuts her arm off. | ||
| It's on the plane you said this happened? | ||
| No, on the plane is when he throws the bomb. | ||
| See, she got bit right here. | ||
| Oh, see, I got... | ||
| This way he saves her life. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He's like, boom, bitch! | ||
| Brad Pitt style, dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't get that far in the movie. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, well, I watched it the first time I got that far, but the other night I only got an hour into it. | ||
| Great movie. | ||
| Not even. | ||
| I think I got 40 minutes into it. | ||
| Fantastic movie. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Do you think Brad Pitt sleeps with NAD drips, or what do you think? | ||
| Why does he look like that? | ||
| He looks great. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Weird, right? | ||
| Like, how's he doing that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Genetics. | ||
| When he took off his shirt for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, I'm like, look at this guy. | ||
| Dime piece. | ||
| Because he's 32 years old. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not fat at all. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| What do you think? | ||
| That's just constant exercise? | ||
| Genetics and then... | ||
| Meanwhile, no Instagram posts of him lifting at all. | ||
| None. | ||
| Does he even have an Instagram? | ||
| Think how famous you have to be to not have an Instagram. | ||
| How about Chappelle? | ||
| Chappelle doesn't have an Instagram either. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Another level. | ||
| There's a few people that are smart. | ||
| They're just like, why am I doing this? | ||
| You could do without it. | ||
| You like it, but you could do without it. | ||
| Nothing would change for you. | ||
| Yeah, but it helps to have an ability to express yourself if something comes up. | ||
| And if you want to promote something, if you need to let people know about something. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| Like your shows? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think you'd be alright. | ||
| Yeah, but when you're doing arenas, you really kind of need something like that, man. | ||
| You sound like 15,000 tickets, 18,000 tickets. | ||
| You need to let people know. | ||
| Because otherwise they have to let them know through other means that cost money. | ||
| How does Chappelle do it? | ||
| He just banks on Live Nation? | ||
| He does mostly theaters, which to him, if people find out he's in a place that has 3,000 tickets, they're gone like that. | ||
| They're gone. | ||
| It's like when you go from 3,000 to Madison Square Garden, then you're into the 18,000s. | ||
| And in New York, are you doing regular Madison Square Garden? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're doing Big Boy. | ||
| God dang. | ||
| I'm doing Boston Garden a week later. | ||
| Back to back, son. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| How about the comics who got their special on Netflix, like, right during the quarantine? | ||
| Segura. | ||
| Segura, Kreischer. | ||
| D'Elia next week. | ||
| D'Elia's Tuesday. | ||
| Blowing up. | ||
| D'Elia's Tuesday. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good move. | ||
| It's the best move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the comics like Andrew Schultz and fucking Theo Vaughn, who were gonna shoot it, like, last month and air it, they're fucked. | ||
| Well, they're not fucked. | ||
| Look, it's always better anyway. | ||
| It just tightens your material up. | ||
| You spend more time with it. | ||
| No one can do material, though. | ||
| Yeah, but you're going to have time to think about it. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You're going to have time to change your perspectives on things. | ||
| I think any thought that you have as a comic, there's a time where it's too much, but most of the time you put them out and you're like, God, I wish I had a couple months. | ||
| More time. | ||
| Yeah, almost always. | ||
| Everything I've ever done, I wish I had three more months. | ||
| Yeah, I wish I would have waited six more years. | ||
| It's one of those things, man. | ||
| But also, I tell everybody, when you're doing stand-up and you're doing a special, the special is only 60-70% as funny as it is being there. | ||
| It's never as funny as me. | ||
| No matter who it is. | ||
| Because part of the fun is you're at a live show with all these people. | ||
| And you're in a trance and you're all having fun, feeding off the vibe, the energy. | ||
| You're missing most of that with the Netflix. | ||
| Did you stop watching Tiger King? | ||
| I finished it. | ||
| We did episode 5 last night, so I have two more to go. | ||
| Okay, but you're kind of in the thick of it. | ||
| I'm in the thick of it. | ||
| Did you get where the guy has the hot nanny? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's coming up. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He's like the hottest nanny you've ever seen. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, this show is fucking so strange, but if you had a TV show, like a fiction show, that was that strange? | ||
| You wouldn't believe it. | ||
| You wouldn't believe it. | ||
| You go, this show's too over the top. | ||
| How about the straight kid who just turned gay? | ||
| Just needed meth. | ||
| Trump moles a Joe Exotic pardon. | ||
| I was going to bring this up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll take a look. | |
| Have you seen, you know how he's doing his press conference? | ||
| Someone asked that question. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| About Tiger King. | ||
| But that's not what he said. | ||
| He said, I'll take a look just to shut the guy up. | ||
| And he's like, who said that? | ||
| Don? | ||
| Was it my son? | ||
| It was his son. | ||
| He goes, which one? | ||
| Was it Don? | ||
| Like he knew it was Don, because Don's kind of crazy. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I didn't get to the part where they go into detail about the murder for hire conviction. | ||
| So I don't know if he did or didn't do it. | ||
| I don't know if he did or didn't light his place on fire. | ||
| Definitely did. | ||
| Definitely did. | ||
| Okay, did that woman feed her husband to the tiger? | ||
| I don't know, but you know what sucks for her? | ||
| Okay, let me stop. | ||
| Definitely did. | ||
| Definitely did. | ||
| But you know what sucks for her? | ||
| You know what sucks for her? | ||
| Got away with it because this thing's such a hit. | ||
| Now everyone's, they open back up the case. | ||
| She's all fucked. | ||
| Well, they should. | ||
| I'm just saying it sucks for her. | ||
| The husband was worth millions. | ||
| He disappears. | ||
| She runs a tiger sanctuary. | ||
| Strange. | ||
| She's got tigers. | ||
| She has meat grinders. | ||
| And she has things that will eat hundreds of pounds of meat. | ||
| And Callum pointed this out. | ||
| He goes, something should be noted. | ||
| Someone says something about killing a person with a tiger. | ||
| And they go, yeah, you could just rub some sort of meat on the boots. | ||
| And she goes, just put sardine. | ||
| Just put sardine oil on it. | ||
| That's what she said. | ||
| Put sardine oil on it. | ||
| It's super particular. | ||
| Sardine oil. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| They have found the video of his wedding online. | ||
| And is it real? | ||
| Well, they played it in the show. | ||
| Yeah, but they uncovered the full video of it. | ||
| And this is apparently a pretty wild tape, too. | ||
| It's 23 minutes long. | ||
| And these two guys that were both straight are kissing at the wedding. | ||
| Well, how does that mean? | ||
| What is straight? | ||
| Did they get their dick hard? | ||
| Did they fuck guys? | ||
| Like, you're gay. | ||
| Well, now they did. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| You can't call them straight. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| The one homeboy who was like 6'6", who was kind of the dime piece, he was like, I can't remember to fuck these tigers, and the next time I'm sucking his dick. | ||
| Because he goes... | ||
| And he actually... | ||
| That boy wanted to play with them tigers so bad. | ||
| But Joe Exotic goes, he goes, I told him this, and this is actually a joke. | ||
| I forget who it's from, but when he said it, I'm like, where do I know? | ||
| It's someone's joke that it's not his. | ||
| It's not original. | ||
| Because he goes, when you watch porno, do you like the guy with the little dick or the big dick? | ||
| And he goes, well, big dick. | ||
| He goes, then you ain't that gay. | ||
| That's somebody's joke. | ||
| I think it's Ron White's or Don Herrera's. | ||
| But it's a joke that I've heard before. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| You said Joe Exotic said that in the show, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I was like, oh, that's funny. | ||
| You ain't that straight, he said. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's his new guy. | ||
| That's the new guy. | ||
| I got to that. | ||
| Why is Joe Exotic so thick in that picture? | ||
| He's in a coronavirus isolation. | ||
| I believe he contracted it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He said he did. | ||
| That boy would do anything to sell some fucking... | ||
| Harvey Weinstein's got it. | ||
| Well, you think about, you're inside a fucking prison. | ||
| There's no ventilation. | ||
| You're in there with a bunch of dudes who have nothing to live for. | ||
| Everyone's cooped up. | ||
| No windows. | ||
| Nothing's open. | ||
| You ain't getting any air in there. | ||
| If someone's got something, everybody gets something. | ||
| Everybody gets it. | ||
| It goes like fire through bushes, through the whole cell block, I would imagine. | ||
| What are you going to do, let them go? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chicago jail is top U.S. hotspot as virus spreads behind bars. | ||
| At least 1,324 confirmed coronavirus cases are tied to prisons and jails across the United States, including at least 32 deaths. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What's that percentage? | ||
| 32 out of the 1,300? | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| I like my odds. | ||
| I like my odds. | ||
| I'll take those odds. | ||
| You ever have these CBD Kill Cliffs? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| Drink that, dude. | ||
| Is there caffeine in them? | ||
| No. | ||
| 25 milligrams of CBD. Why not? | ||
| Woo! | ||
| You should drink a little whiskey, man. | ||
| You want to? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| When else are we going to drink at home? | ||
| Jimmy's going to get us some glasses. | ||
| Get us some glasses and a little bit of ice. | ||
| You got a show after this? | ||
| Yeah, I'm doing something with Ari. | ||
| I'm doing Ari's video. | ||
| He's doing some video series. | ||
| How's Ari doing? | ||
| He's hiding. | ||
| He's in hiding. | ||
| He's in a state, not New York, until everything, like, people stop dying, and then he's gonna go back. | ||
| He got freaked out. | ||
| He fled the city. | ||
| He should. | ||
| It was a smart move. | ||
| I like Ari. | ||
| So many people fled the city. | ||
| John Joseph sent me a video the other day of me on the Madison Square Garden billboard. | ||
| I saw you post it. | ||
| There's no one there. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Everyone's dead. | ||
| Oh, Ari left because he's scared of Corona. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I thought you were saying Ari left because of the Kobe thing. | ||
| People forgot about that by now. | ||
| Ari, you good, baby? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He probably forgot about it. | ||
| You know, there's a few people that have not forgot about it. | ||
| Thank you, sir. | ||
| A few people that have not, but, you know. | ||
| He won't do that again. | ||
| No. | ||
| He learned this lesson. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That was a bad move. | ||
| Like I said, Ari's always been nice to me. | ||
| Ari's a great guy. | ||
| I love Ari. | ||
| He's always been nice to me. | ||
| Cheers, brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye, brother. | |
| Hey. | ||
| Not good for the immune system, but good for the head. | ||
| We'll be alright. | ||
| Just a little drinky poo a day. | ||
| Not bad for you. | ||
| I've been drinking one glass of wine every day. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's supposed to be really good. | ||
| I've never felt better. | ||
| You don't realize how much traveling and flying fucked you up. | ||
| I feel great. | ||
| It fucked you up bad. | ||
| I've been thinking about that a lot. | ||
| I've been reevaluating a lot of choices. | ||
| You know how comics do residencies in Vegas? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Why not do a residency in LA? If you want to come see me... | ||
| I'm at the fucking Ace Theater. | ||
| I'm at here. | ||
| You should do that. | ||
| I'm thinking about it, man. | ||
| You're at that level. | ||
| That's a brilliant idea. | ||
| I'm thinking about going on the road sometimes, but being here a lot more. | ||
| Think how many people would travel to LA to see you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, we get a lot of that at the Comedy Store, man. | ||
| We get a lot of international tourists, too. | ||
| People that know that I'm not going to Ireland, or I'm not going to Scotland, so they'll come here. | ||
| Sorry, Scotland. | ||
| God, you should do that. | ||
| I'm sure I should, but I'm not going to. | ||
| Oh no, I'm going. | ||
| But I'm saying you should. | ||
| Yeah, LA. I'm going to Ireland. | ||
| Yeah, April 2021. Yeah, I would go. | ||
| But I mean, I'm still doing a lot of shows, but I'm doing shows in LA too. | ||
| Like I'm at the Forum on November 1st. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| It's a big boy too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm still doing like the regular shows. | ||
| I'm assuming, you know, I'm assuming there won't be a second wave of Corona or some sort of crackdown. | ||
| You're going to be fine, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a brilliant idea, the residency in LA. Not a bad idea. | ||
| How come no one's ever done that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They just do Vegas. | ||
| Vegas sucks cock. | ||
| Well, think about what I do at the improv and at the store, where I have these Joe Rogan and Friends shows. | ||
| And you do them all the time, every week, two, three times a week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Think how many people that is. | ||
| Well, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| A lot of other guys aren't doing that either. | ||
| But you can do that. | ||
| You could. | ||
| Yeah, but that to me is the best way for me to stay sharp. | ||
| You're a different animal though. | ||
| I'm doing 45 minutes, an hour. | ||
| How many guys do you know at your level who are doing 45? | ||
| Most are just doing their 15 minute spot at the store, at the improv or factory. | ||
| You're a different animal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta do that though. | |
| You have to. | ||
| Name one other guy, Joe, who's doing that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Go. | ||
| I'll wait. | ||
| I'm not paying attention. | ||
| I am, but there's no one else that does that like you. | ||
| Well, I do it because I'm doing arenas. | ||
| You're doing an arena, man. | ||
| And I've only started doing arenas the last two years. | ||
| You've got to be sharp. | ||
| You can't be fucking around when there's 15,000 people who paid money to hear you talk. | ||
| Oh no, I get it. | ||
| I've worked harder this past year to ramp everything up than I ever have with stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, that's inspiring. | ||
| Makes me realize that you can get more out of it. | ||
| You can get more. | ||
| You can put more work in. | ||
| You get a little bit sharper. | ||
| More listening to sets. | ||
| More writing. | ||
| More thinking. | ||
| The thing is people expect you as a stand-up to drop off after a while. | ||
| That's what a lot of comics do. | ||
| Their material drops off. | ||
| They run out of things that are interesting. | ||
| Especially when they get famous. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Because they don't relate to the average person. | ||
| Also, they don't take as many chances. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| They don't say as many fucked up things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because they're worried. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's different, you know? | ||
| Yeah, you get it. | ||
| It is what it is, man. | ||
| You know, you're going to break a few eggs, but you're going to make a lot of omelets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hell yeah. | |
| I just miss, in this whole corona thing, I think the thing I miss the most, besides going on the road, I miss it so bad, is just hanging out with, seeing everybody. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Hanging out at the store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I text everybody, but it's just not the same, is it? | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Joey, I'd offer you this joint, but I know you don't want none. | ||
| Yeah, I'm good. | ||
| It'd get really weird if I... No, I'd start... | ||
| Yeah, Joey just calls, so I spend a lot of time talking to him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's not the same. | ||
| It's not the same. | ||
| Going to the store, it's like, dude, the party when we get back. | ||
| What is that going to be like when we get back to the store and everyone's at the back bar and everyone's hanging out, everyone's doing shows again? | ||
| God, we're going to be so thankful. | ||
| Because it's never been taken away before. | ||
| In the history of comedy, there's never been a time where you couldn't perform. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Never. | ||
| I guess the only time with L.A. comics is when there's the strike, right? | ||
| Yeah, but you could do the road. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not too many guys were doing it, though. | ||
| There's, like, Leno. | ||
| Doing the road back then? | ||
| Back then, a lot of those guys weren't big enough names. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I wonder how many, like, comedy clubs were around back then. | ||
| Because that was in, what, the 70s or the 80s? | ||
| 70s, right? | ||
| Late 70s? | ||
| Comedy store strike? | ||
| You had Leno. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you read that book, Dying Up Here? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's what the series was based off of? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the series was real dark. | ||
| The book makes it seem like it was a fucking... | ||
| Like the store was fun, man. | ||
| Do you think the store was more fun then or more fun now? | ||
| You tell me, dude. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know, though. | ||
| I don't know anything different. | ||
| I read those times. | ||
| I think back then it was like a lot of guys were doing stand-up to get TV shows or to get noticed. | ||
| And now you have a bunch... | ||
| Most of the top guys, all they want to do is be really good comics. | ||
| Well, you have freedom that way, and you don't have anybody telling you what to do, and you don't have to worry about so many different things that you have to worry about if you have a TV show. | ||
| TV shows, you have to worry about the other actors, the writing, the network, does it get picked up, does it this, does it that? | ||
| There's a lot of chefs in the kitchen. | ||
| There's so many things outside of your control. | ||
| And, you know, if you have a controversial act, a lot of times the networks don't want you to do stand-up. | ||
| Like, apparently they did that to Tim Allen when he had that home improvement show, they told him, stop doing stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, like, stop! | ||
| He's making so much money. | ||
| I think Bob Saget, too, when he was doing Full House, he didn't do any stand-up. | ||
| And you watch his stand-up, and you're surprised. | ||
| You're like, oh, damn. | ||
| He's a dirty boy. | ||
| Yeah, dirty. | ||
| Yeah, he's a dirty boy. | ||
| Danny Tanner's dirty. | ||
| I know, and you hear that, and you're like, what? | ||
| I know. | ||
| This is outrageous. | ||
| Yeah, there's a freedom to stand-up. | ||
| It's also like, I think more people appreciate it as an art form now. | ||
| Whereas back then it was like, it didn't get respect. | ||
| You got respect when you're on TV. Correct. | ||
| That's how you made your nut and that's how you got famous on TV. Yeah. | ||
| Or a movie. | ||
| You were doing movies. | ||
| Now once you say it's stand-up and podcasting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, podcasting is, right now, It's emerging as a different beast. | ||
| See, before, people would joke about it. | ||
| They would go, what are you doing? | ||
| Howard Stern used to make fun of it. | ||
| Why not just yell out your window? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| But he was coming from, you've got to think, he's a pioneer in radio, in traditional radio, and he made his bones in radio, and he carved this path in radio, and then all of a sudden this thing comes along where anybody can do it. | ||
| It's a threat. | ||
| It's a little bit of a threat. | ||
| It's a little bit of that, but it's also... | ||
| See, in a way, I understand his perspective because in his day, when he made it, he had to compete against all these other killers. | ||
| So you've got all these other mourning guys all over the country. | ||
| And then when he goes and syndicates, he'll invade Chicago. | ||
| He's invading Los Angeles. | ||
| He's trying to take over. | ||
| Yeah, he's taking over. | ||
| But there was only a few slots, right? | ||
| So you couldn't listen to his show later. | ||
| You had to listen to it then. | ||
| So everyone's competing during these slots. | ||
| So you have this slot that is 6am to 9am. | ||
| That's drive time, baby. | ||
| Even now he doesn't know podcasts. | ||
| I remember I used to listen to Howard for a long time. | ||
| Maybe a year ago, they brought up something because he was shitting on podcasts. | ||
| And he goes, do podcasters even make money? | ||
| And one of the guys got on there. | ||
| I forget his crew's name. | ||
| I think Joe Rogan does. | ||
| He goes, I know, but not tons of money. | ||
| He's not set. | ||
| I want to call him like, hey, long-time listener, first-time caller. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| What matters? | ||
| I just thought it was weird. | ||
| Like, dude, you still don't give it respect? | ||
| Like, are you shitting me? | ||
| Who do you think he's hanging around with, though? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, his wife. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's probably hanging around his wife, maybe a few other really rich friends that are probably famous. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how much... | ||
| But you gotta have your ear to the ground being a guy on radio all the fucking time. | ||
| He's so famous. | ||
| When people get so famous, it's almost impossible. | ||
| It's almost impossible to keep it together. | ||
| You know what bummed me out? | ||
| And again, I'm a huge Howard Stern fan. | ||
| I think you and... | ||
| I think maybe... | ||
| I forget who sent it to me, but I sent it to you. | ||
| When Howard Stern... | ||
| It released to his employees. | ||
| He has like a yearly meeting with his employees. | ||
| Someone recorded it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It makes you feel so sick. | ||
| Like, ah, fuck, dude. | ||
| Such a bummer. | ||
| You realize how Hollywood-y is? | ||
| You're all, aw, fuck, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think people get seduced by it, man. | |
| I think they do. | ||
| They get seduced by the idea of, you know, first of all, You need friends. | ||
| You need really good friends that are like you, that are in your world. | ||
| And I think one of the things that separates us, all of us as comics, from the rest of Hollywood is like, God damn, we're glued to each other. | ||
| We're glued and we shit on each other and we laugh and we compliment each other and we love each other and we call each other and we tell each other we love each other. | ||
| 100% full support. | ||
| It's different, man. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| We're a different thing. | ||
| But also, it's not a dog-eat-dog that you're just trying to help everybody. | ||
| Dude, when someone murders it, everybody's running out of that room telling everybody that murdered it. | ||
| When you see Bill Burr go on stage in the main room and crush it, you're coming out and saying it, and I'm coming out and saying it, and Callan's saying it, and we're all excited. | ||
| Like, God damn, that was awesome. | ||
| What a set. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And we're telling people. | ||
| You see Burr crush it? | ||
| Oh my God, he crushed it. | ||
| You know, there's a love... | ||
| For the art and a love for each other and the camaraderie. | ||
| Like, the wanting people to be good. | ||
| You realize, like, it doesn't have to just be about you. | ||
| And they didn't... | ||
| I don't think they... | ||
| I think that's... | ||
| You know when we were talking about competition earlier? | ||
| We were talking about Jordan and Tyson and the crazy... | ||
| And football teams, yeah. | ||
| Like, that's Howard Stern when it comes to radio, man. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| You gotta realize, like, that's the motherfucker that... | ||
| He fucked them all. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Have you heard him apologize for it, the way he treated some people? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I think one guy commits suicide and he's like, I felt bad for that. | ||
| Because he would go in and he was like, at that time, that's what I had to do. | ||
| Well, that's what he did, right? | ||
| Whether he had to do it or not, that's what he did. | ||
| It worked, though, didn't it? | ||
| Yeah, it did work. | ||
| And he felt like he had to do... | ||
| And look, he's also... | ||
| Everything you have to look into, you've got to look into it with perspective. | ||
| And in my head, what Howard Stern is always going to represent is the guy who paved the way. | ||
| Like, without him, you've got to realize there was nothing like Howard Stern before Howard Stern. | ||
| It didn't exist. | ||
| You had Don Imus, who's kind of risque, and then here comes this really tall, long-haired, rock-and-roll type dude who doesn't give a fuck and he just wants to have porn stars on and girls are riding vibrators and people are farting songs into microphones. | ||
| It's madness. | ||
| And he's getting sued by the government, man. | ||
| So the government, they're coming down with these huge judgments against the company that owns it. | ||
| And he keeps going. | ||
| And he keeps going. | ||
| Podcasts all are... | ||
| You know how Patrice used to say about other comics? | ||
| Like Dave Attell. | ||
| Dave Attell's got a lot of babies. | ||
| And what he meant is that there's a lot of other comics that would imitate Dave Attell. | ||
| They would do it just out of... | ||
| The fact that they were fans and they were insecure. | ||
| They're not plagiarists. | ||
| They just were not that good yet. | ||
| When I was a young man, I used to sound exactly like Richard Jenney. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I heard myself on stage when I had been doing an open... | ||
| I caught myself... | ||
| Doing like a bad Richard Jenny impression with my material when I was like 21 or something like that, 22. I was like, oh my god, I'm terrible. | ||
| Because I was such a Richard Jenny fan at the time that I was like mimicking him on stage. | ||
| Probably not on purpose. | ||
| A lot of comics do it, man. | ||
| We find ourselves doing it with different acts. | ||
| I'll find myself, it's not that I'm copying, I have a lot of mannerisms like Brian or D'Elia. | ||
| But you're around them all the time. | ||
| I'm molded by that. | ||
| So normal. | ||
| But then eventually you break out of it and you become your own thing. | ||
| We gotta all realize that what Howard Stern did before anybody Was he created this radio chaos. | ||
| He created this chaos. | ||
| We had these people, these whack packers, were out of their fucking minds. | ||
| And he would interview them and talk to all these nutty fucking people. | ||
| That was the first one. | ||
| And then remember he had celebrities on, but he wasn't like, oh, how's your movie? | ||
| He'd be like, who are you fucking? | ||
| And they'd be like, what? | ||
| And then they wouldn't answer it, but then he would circle back down somehow and get it out of them. | ||
| Dude, it was a different world back then. | ||
| The world was different. | ||
| And he made it possible for people to talk the way we talk. | ||
| And then Opie and Anthony were the next important phase. | ||
| Because with Opie and Anthony, we're a hang. | ||
| Whereas Howard is the man behind the switchboard, and Howard is in control of his universe. | ||
| With Opie and Anthony, people would just show up. | ||
| Like, I'd be on the air and it would be like four or five other comics there. | ||
| And we would love it. | ||
| Jim Norton was on there all the time, right? | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Jim was a regular. | ||
| He's so talented. | ||
| He's one of the more unique comics ever. | ||
| He's a very interesting guy. | ||
| I love Jim. | ||
| His love of transsexuals and the way he talks. | ||
| He's just so honest and raw. | ||
| But what Opie and Anthony were, were the first loose hang. | ||
| You know, it's like Anthony would kind of be orchestrating it a little bit, keeping an eye on everything, making sure it didn't get out of hand. | ||
| And then Anthony is this very... | ||
| He's a guy who grew up doing construction, and that's literally how he got into radio, but is also very intelligent, very inquisitive. | ||
| So he's got a regular guy sensibility, but he's also very fucking smart. | ||
| And then you would have all these comics. | ||
| And then Norton, who's a great comic himself, would be there, and he'd be Colin Quinn, and Bill Burr, and me, and Shafir, and all this madness, man. | ||
| There's nothing like that really now. | ||
| Not on radio. | ||
| Not on radio. | ||
| But that's what made podcasts become what they are. | ||
| Because those guys let comics just hang out and talk. | ||
| No one had ever let comics just hang out and run the show before Opie and Anthony. | ||
| So the big steps to podcasting were Howard Stern is the most important. | ||
| And then after Howard Stern, these are Howard Stern's babies. | ||
| Howard Stern's babies are like Opie and Anthony were Howard Stern's babies. | ||
| But they became their own thing. | ||
| Just like a comic would imitate Dave Attell when he's a young guy. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And then as he gets older, he finds his own speed. | ||
| And there's a lot of comics right now that are top-level guys that I bet if you watched them 10, 15 years ago, they would sound a lot like someone else. | ||
| And then Opie and Anthony open up the door to podcasting. | ||
| They made comics where they could just hang. | ||
| And then everyone's got their own style. | ||
| Ron Funchess has his own style. | ||
| Eric Griffin has his own style. | ||
| You and Brian have your own style. | ||
| Theo's got his completely unique style. | ||
| All of us have these different things. | ||
| Segura's got his style. | ||
| Kristina Pazitsky and him together have their style. | ||
| Segura and Kreischer. | ||
| Kreischer's got his style. | ||
| Ari's got his style. | ||
| Burt and Burr. | ||
| Yes, Burt and Burr. | ||
| They have a great podcast too, but it's just like the world is more bountiful than it was back then. | ||
| It's not like Burt and Burr are competing against Burt. | ||
| What if Burt's show Was run by one production company, but Burt and Burr were run by a different, and they're both going to be at noon, and you have to listen to one or the other, and Burt and Burr are in this fucking argument. | ||
| You traitor! | ||
| It was us together! | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| Now they're going to take us out at noon! | ||
| That was what they had to deal with. | ||
| It was a totally different dynamic. | ||
| Now it's like we were trapped in these tunnels. | ||
| Fighting for air and pop! | ||
| And we got to the top of the tunnel and there's all the air you want. | ||
| It's free air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Free air! | |
| You can just put up a podcast. | ||
| Put up a video. | ||
| Make a video. | ||
| Make a sketch. | ||
| Do your own sketch. | ||
| Do whatever you want. | ||
| And then it might get seen by a million people. | ||
| Like that fucking coronavirus song that I reposted on my Instagram. | ||
| Those dudes are hilarious. | ||
| How many millions of views did that get? | ||
| Millions and millions of views. | ||
| So these guys... | ||
| They create this coronavirus song. | ||
| It's on my Instagram. | ||
| Who are the gentlemen? | ||
| I got a couple people saying that they've also created the song first or whatever, so I don't know who did that. | ||
| Whoever did it, I hope nobody got robbed, but whoever did it, those dudes were hilarious and it got millions and millions of views. | ||
| There's nothing from 20 years ago, 30 years ago, where a regular guy could do something and by itself would get millions and millions of views. | ||
| But today, if you see some shit that's really funny and you send it to me and I send it to Jamie and it just starts going, that's what happens. | ||
| It goes through people, these dudes. | ||
| I haven't seen that. | ||
| 4,685,644 views on my Instagram alone. | ||
| Can we play it or no? | ||
| No. | ||
| I haven't heard it. | ||
| I'm sure it's their song. | ||
| Can you see that bottle gel? | ||
| Yeah, it's Reggie, Reggie Bay B2 and somehow or another. | ||
| He's got, he's doing so well that he's got fake Instagram sites where people pretend they're him. | ||
| But all of his shit is funny. | ||
| All of his shit is just, they're doing sketches. | ||
| So these are Chicago based guys. | ||
| It's just funny dudes in Chicago that are hustling and are constantly making content. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| They have new videos up all the time. | ||
| And who else is on him? | ||
| His Instagram? | ||
| That video? | ||
| Just go to it so we can see it. | ||
| The other guys. | ||
| The other one is Stix, S-T-I-X underscore 808, and then Funny Man Gaitlin, G-A-I-T-L-I-N, and then Laid3. | ||
| Those are the dudes who did it. | ||
| And then Vinnie Pazienza, Boxcutter Pazzy, who has been on the podcast before. | ||
| I found it on his Instagram, so I reposted his. | ||
| But imagine that. | ||
| 30 years ago, where one dude could make something and it could go to something like Instagram, where in this case three or four dudes could do it, and it could go to something like Instagram, and then all of a sudden millions of people are singing it and laughing. | ||
| And it's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, but even think with Burt and Burr, if they're like, okay, we want to do a show. | ||
| Think of the 80s or 90s, you'd have to pitch it to a network, have them approve it, then they bring in writers. | ||
| You're looking at how long would that take to evolve into a legit show? | ||
| They get greenlit, then get a pilot, then test well. | ||
| Yeah, no chance. | ||
| Yeah, and also people would start fucking with it. | ||
| They would come in, Burr, I want you to dress different. | ||
| I want you to dress like Sinatra. | ||
| I see people taking you more seriously if you're wearing a suit. | ||
| You're cussing too much, Burr. | ||
| Can you tone it down? | ||
| You seem aggressive. | ||
| Imagine if I went to a production company and said, yeah, what I want to do is smoke weed and talk a lot of shit and say things I don't really mean, but I think it's funny at the time, and then I regret it, and I'm going to drink a lot. | ||
| Oh, and then we're going to air the fight. | ||
| I'm going to have my three dumbass friends come. | ||
| One of them thinks the world's flat. | ||
| And we're going to smoke weed, and we're going to talk shit. | ||
| But also, I'm going to have presidential candidates. | ||
| And really serious people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pitch that show. | |
| And scientists. | ||
| And me, a guy with brain damage. | ||
| I'm going to debate important topics to them. | ||
| I'm going to have politicians on, too. | ||
| Oh, I have politicians on. | ||
| Yeah, athletes. | ||
| Authors. | ||
| Yeah, everybody. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Get the fuck out of this office. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Idiot. | |
| When Brian and I were at Fox, they wanted to make it a TV show, like a legit TV show. | ||
| I remember that mess. | ||
| Dude, I remember when they were telling you to not curse. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I was like, get out now! | ||
| I remember yelling at you. | ||
| They're like vampires. | ||
| They're trying to bite you. | ||
| They're trying to turn you. | ||
| I remember me and Brian in that meeting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not cuss. | |
| And I was like, this is, what? | ||
| But meanwhile, they liked you because of who you were before they came along. | ||
| And before they came along, you were cussing. | ||
| And then they wanted to do a sport. | ||
| They didn't know what to do with us. | ||
| They wanted to do a sports show with us. | ||
| Then they brought me in and go... | ||
| They go, so we know it's the final kid. | ||
| What if we replace Brian Cowen with Michael Rapaport? | ||
| No. | ||
| They want to get rid of Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Is it because he's old? | ||
| Is it because of his haircut? | ||
| Is it because he's old and he just talks shit? | ||
| Is it the way he dresses? | ||
| Because I can fix that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| What a bunch of dummies. | ||
| They're like, this is great. | ||
| Let's fuck it up. | ||
| And this thing that I really like, let's ruin it. | ||
| But then they're like, wait, they're making how much money? | ||
| And we signed... | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| So they went, hey, next year, the deal's up in December. | ||
| We need half. | ||
| And I went, oh, that's not happening. | ||
| They went, all right, well, December's your last month, and I think we're in October. | ||
| I go, that's fine. | ||
| We're just going to go do our own thing and take all the money. | ||
| They went, okay. | ||
| And I'll never forget this. | ||
| He goes, I don't want to hear about this on your podcast. | ||
| Just right out December. | ||
| And I went, well, I can't do that, dude. | ||
| I go, let the listener know I'm leaving. | ||
| He goes, don't do that. | ||
| And I went, all right, cool. | ||
| Next day, I go on the podcast. | ||
| So in December, our contract's up because I want half our shit. | ||
| I tried going back the next day, and there's security out front. | ||
| They wouldn't let me in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That was my last day at Fox. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then we just started doing it randomly, man. | |
| Well, that's a real clear changing of the guard. | ||
| Where that old school mentality, they think that they own the talent. | ||
| They think they owned you. | ||
| The idea that they think they should have 50% just by... | ||
| How funny is that? | ||
| But what are you doing? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| The guy gets... | ||
| I'll never forget. | ||
| This guy gets in my face. | ||
| It's a podcast. | ||
| The guy gets in my face. | ||
| I don't want to say his name. | ||
| He goes, just how you have your black belt in fighting, I have my black belt in entertainment team. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| Isn't that great? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| I would fall on the ground and start curling up in a fetal position laughing if someone said that to me. | ||
| I was like, I have no idea what you're referring to. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I'm going to leave now. | ||
| You know how to rob people out of the percentage that they really deserve? | ||
| What are you bringing to the table? | ||
| You're putting it on the internet now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why I told them. | |
| That's why I told them. | ||
| I went, if you can show me why you guys deserve 50%, I'll give you 50. Go. | ||
| He goes, well, it's our studio. | ||
| Fox gives you the platform. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Hold up. | ||
| We had a platform before we even got here. | ||
| I can do this up the street and we can get more views, dude. | ||
| Now, why would you get 50%? | ||
| He's like, I don't know, man. | ||
| There's no reason. | ||
| I had a guy not that long ago ask for 50% of my podcast to be a part of a network. | ||
| Not that long ago. | ||
| Four years ago, maybe. | ||
| And I was like, what are you talking about? | ||
| 50%. | ||
| Well, even now, certain comics want to start podcasts, go, hey, this network podcast came to me, they want 50%, but they're going to give me a studio. | ||
| I went, no, no, stop, stop. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Do it yourself. | ||
| That's a weird number. | ||
| You're pretending that they couldn't do it without you if you want 50%. | ||
| 50% is like if you and me, right? | ||
| If it's the Brendan and Joe show, well, it kind of has to be 50% because it's both of us, right? | ||
| So it's like there's two of us. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So you're part of the show. | ||
| I'm part of the show. | ||
| We need each other. | ||
| We're together. | ||
| It should be 50%. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| We're friends. | ||
| It should be 50%. | ||
| But we could do it with Tom, the producer. | ||
| Or we could do it with Steve, the network executive. | ||
| You guys don't matter. | ||
| So you can't have 50%. | ||
| Maybe you definitely deserve something. | ||
| 50? | ||
| But 50 is crazy. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| That's a crazy number. | ||
| That means you're saying I couldn't do it without you. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| But that's what they used to do with TV shows. | ||
| You've got to realize, if you're thinking about Hawaii Five-0, the production company has a deal with the network, and they put it together, and everybody gets paid. | ||
| And the people that are putting it on television have a giant chunk of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the studio executives, the network executives. | |
| You go to their houses, they're big fucking parties. | ||
| Dude, I'd go to some of their houses, man. | ||
| They'd have parties, and you'd be like, why? | ||
| These guys are balling. | ||
| But what are they doing? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| They're taking your stuff and they're the critical mechanism that is necessary to get you on television. | ||
| Well, now the world is television. | ||
| Our heads are through the fucking holes and now we're looking out at this open air. | ||
| There's no need for someone to take 50% anymore. | ||
| No, people don't give a fuck if it's on Fox, HBO. But that's how they always operated. | ||
| And those fans, those subscribers of whatever network, they're going to follow me if I'm here, if I'm here, if I'm here. | ||
| They don't get it, though. | ||
| These guys went through the Fox system. | ||
| People went through the ABC system. | ||
| They went through the CBS system. | ||
| And if they were in that system 20 years ago, this was the system. | ||
| The system is you make deals, you put together shows, you're getting it on the air. | ||
| You're very valuable. | ||
| It's a very important thing. | ||
| If you got on CBS back in 2000, it was a very important thing. | ||
| So it made sense. | ||
| The deal made sense. | ||
| But it doesn't make sense on the internet. | ||
| The internet is everybody's. | ||
| It's like everybody has a CBS. Like these gentlemen who made that video on the coronavirus, they... | ||
| They don't have a network. | ||
| They don't need it. | ||
| They don't need it. | ||
| All it has to do is get to one of these social media sites. | ||
| But also, if it's good, people are going to find you. | ||
| I believe this was the original song maker. | ||
| He has to be tagging their video. | ||
| They made a video, I believe, of his song. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| This is G-M-A-C-Cash. | ||
| G-M-A-C-Cash. | ||
| And he's Detroit's finest. | ||
| So he made the original song for sure? | ||
| I believe so, yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Once again, that's G-M-A... I'm going to follow him right now so you hear it. | ||
| Great avatar pic, by the way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Full body. | ||
| I don't see a lot of that. | ||
| What's up with the avatars? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How do you decide? | ||
| A lot of times when they text someone, all of a sudden they send you back, would you like to update your contact picture? | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| Some weird avatar? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What's happening here? | ||
| Why are people losing their mind? | ||
| Why are you sending me a picture of you? | ||
| Yeah, I don't need a picture of you, man. | ||
| G-Mac Cash. | ||
| Did you find him? | ||
| Yeah, I got him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pow. | |
| Follow back. | ||
| 74,000 followers. | ||
| Yeah, right now he has 74,000. | ||
| Let's blow him up. | ||
| Oh, he has a video, his own video of that song? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it only has one fucking comment? | ||
| It's the same song? | ||
| This is him? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I can't hear it. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| You have no sound? | ||
| I don't know what's going on. | ||
| Looks like he's saying the same words. | ||
| Oh, I have it in my phone. | ||
| He's the original. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's the song. | ||
| Okay, so. | ||
| He's the original. | ||
| He's the guy who made the song. | ||
| And then those other boys took it and just blew it up. | ||
| They had a great dance routine, though. | ||
| They did something to it. | ||
| They added a little flavor. | ||
| They had a great video. | ||
| They jumped around spraying Lysol and dancing. | ||
| Some be set for that. | ||
| Dudes are doing backflips. | ||
| Some be set for backflips. | ||
| Oh, they did something. | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| But they do a bunch of shit. | ||
| This is their coronavirus video. | ||
| They're just running around spraying it. | ||
| Great shoes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, this is one of those things that happens sometimes. | ||
| Like, you don't know who the fuck made a video. | ||
| Someone sends it to you. | ||
| You don't know who made a song. | ||
| Someone sends it to you. | ||
| You add it on things. | ||
| The video's hilarious. | ||
| It's fun, though. | ||
| Did you see this? | ||
| I meant with that. | ||
| That's like what's going on with TikTok. | ||
| Someone makes a great video and then everyone else kind of jumps on that trend, taking that sound. | ||
| There was a video I saw just yesterday or two days ago about the government telling all government employees not have TikTok on their government-issued cell phones. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because it's an issue. | ||
| Well, they think it's a security issue. | ||
| It's a Chinese company. | ||
| TikTok? | ||
| Yeah, and someone made some really grandiose statement like TikTok is like a government operative application or something like that. | ||
| Never know. | ||
| Yeah, that it's like some sort of fucking espionage tool. | ||
| Dude, you read that Charles Manson book? | ||
| I'm telling you, man, you're like... | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's what got me into conspiracy theories. | ||
| The U.S. Army has banned TikTok from use on government phones, reversing its policy on the entertainment app, which it recently used as a recruiting tool. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| The Army used TikTok? | ||
| They were doing, like, army dances and shit? | ||
| They have their own video game to recruit people. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| The Army does? | ||
| They had a reality show that a buddy of mine was filming. | ||
| Oh, sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there was also another company that was saying that it was dangerous. | ||
| You know, Google did something like that recently. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| TikTok banned. | ||
| This is the newer one. | ||
| Senators want to ban TikTok from government phones. | ||
| TikTok's for younger kids, right? | ||
| I'm not on there. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| Well, a lot of people are on it now. | ||
| But the point is, if you have an app like that, and say some shady person makes that app, who knows if that app's turned on the microphone just listening to you all the time. | ||
| Dude, there's so many times where you'll talk about something, and then you see that thing you talked about mentioned in your Google Ads, and you're like, what? | ||
| What the hell, man? | ||
| Dude, if we'll talk about Porsches or those knives, fans will send me screenshots of like, dude, I was listening to your podcast, then I went to go search the web, and I got this ad. | ||
| It's like a Porsche or the knives or the whiskey. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy, man. | ||
| Just way too much influence on us. | ||
| We have to take back our personal sovereignty, our mental sovereignty. | ||
| There's so many influences on us all the time. | ||
| And there's nothing wrong with them sometimes. | ||
| Like advertising, there's nothing wrong with advertising sometimes. | ||
| But sometimes it makes you think, like, man, how much is this changing the way I look at stuff? | ||
| I think what's scary is how the most disciplined people I know who are addicted to their phones. | ||
| Like, man, it's more addicting than any drug, any alcohol, any, I mean, the cell phone. | ||
| The most disciplined people I know, I'll see them on their cell phones like, fuck, damn. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's so disappointing. | ||
| Guilty as charged. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Yeah, I have an addict folder on my phone where my Twitter, my Instagram, and my Instagram repost thing is all in one folder. | ||
| It says ADDICT in all capital letters. | ||
| And you still go to it, right? | ||
| You still click on it. | ||
| Once a day at least. | ||
| Way better than I used to be. | ||
| But still, every now and then. | ||
| But sometimes it's also, the problem is too, there's a mixture of business stuff that I have to do. | ||
| Like I get emails and I have to respond to important things. | ||
| But then while I'm on the phone, I'm like, hmm, let's see what's on YouTube. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Let's see what silly videos there are. | ||
| Or I'll be like, what UFC news is there? | ||
| I'll click on Twitter, and that's where I get all my news. | ||
| I click on it, and I'm like, fuck. | ||
| And then you have a thought, and you Google that thought, and then you go down a rabbit hole, and you're like, motherfucker. | ||
| And then someone will send me something cool, and I'll click on that. | ||
| I'm like, god damn. | ||
| There's so much content. | ||
| Right now, there's never been a time where there's... | ||
| Think about what a better time it is, entertainment-wise, to be quarantined. | ||
| I'll think if we were quarantined in the 90s, we'd be fucked. | ||
| Oh my god, you'd be fucked. | ||
| What are you going to watch? | ||
| Back in those blockbuster days. | ||
| You can't go to the blockbusters is closed. | ||
| I think you can do. | ||
| You know, I was having a conversation with my wife about this last night and she's like, I think theaters are done. | ||
| I brought it up to him just before this. | ||
| Small potential, because there are lots of different companies that could do it. | ||
| They could maybe open up to maybe 50 people and you're just separated by two chairs or something like that. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| A movie theater, you mean? | ||
| Yeah, I think they think movie theaters are done, too, in that Apple TV has opened up the door during this quarantine to get new movies. | ||
| Well, Trolls hits Friday. | ||
| My son's crunk as fuck for it. | ||
| But they had a bunch of new movies that were supposed to come out in the movie theater. | ||
| James Bond got pushed back to November. | ||
| I don't think they should push him back. | ||
| I think that's a mistake. | ||
| I think they should release those bitches. | ||
| They make all their money in theaters, though. | ||
| Listen, but still, everyone is watching now. | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| If they come out with a badass James Bond film... | ||
| We'd be all over it. | ||
| And everybody texts their friend, dude, this fucking new James Bond movie is this shit. | ||
| Daniel Craig better be James Bond. | ||
| Is he James Bond? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is. | |
| And I think he has the new DB11 in it. | ||
| Listen, if you're going to have a female James Bond or whatever nonsense you're going to do next... | ||
| Get the fuck out of my face. | ||
| Please make a 009 or 008 or something like that. | ||
| I think 007, son. | ||
| Daniel Craig is the greatest James Bond of all time. | ||
| Better than Sean Connery? | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| All of them can eat shit. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| They can all eat shit. | ||
| Roger Moore can eat shit. | ||
| No disrespect, sir. | ||
| Sean Connery is bad. | ||
| Daniel Craig is the only one I believe. | ||
| I don't believe he's really kicking anybody's ass. | ||
| I believe Daniel Craig is fucking people up. | ||
| I believe he's shooting people. | ||
| He's the only one I believe. | ||
| The only one. | ||
| That means a lot. | ||
| Pierce Brosnan! | ||
| How dare you! | ||
| Wonderful man. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He was GoldenEye! | ||
| The greatest game of all time. | ||
| I don't believe him. | ||
| He's an amazing actor. | ||
| He's a beautiful man. | ||
| I don't believe him as a murderous English fucking spy character. | ||
| I believe Daniel Craig fucks people up. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| The guy on the right is the real deal. | ||
| He's got a face that looks like he's been punched 150 times. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He's a man's man. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| The original far left? | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Son! | ||
| Eat some shit! | ||
| All of them! | ||
| Eat it! | ||
| Eat it! | ||
| There's one guy, Daniel Craig, thinking I'll eat shit. | ||
| That's number one. | ||
| Idris Elba was going to be Bond. | ||
| I'll buy that. | ||
| I'd buy that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't care if Bond's black. | ||
| But he has to be a bad motherfucker, and Idris Elba's a legitimate bad motherfucker. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| Have you ever heard, who's the guy who does the Trevor Noah's bit on Black James Bond? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's so fucking funny. | ||
| Why don't they have it? | ||
| I mean, look. | ||
| Trevor Noah talks about it. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| He's like, where's he gonna hide? | ||
| He has a whole bit. | ||
| It's so fucking good. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Daniel Craig is right now, as of right now, he's the best ever. | ||
| He's the only one I believe. | ||
| But I believe if they had a similar movie with Idris Elba, I'd believe that too. | ||
| I'd buy that. | ||
| That guy's had a legit Muay Thai fight. | ||
| As a professional actor and a movie star, he had a legit Muay Thai fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, the guy was paid off to take a fall. | ||
| But, you know, I hear you. | ||
| I like... | ||
| Yeah, that's the rumor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Is that the rumor? | ||
| That's the rumor. | ||
| Well, that's what I would say. | ||
| I think the opponent came out and was like, you know, they paid me to take a fall, right? | ||
| But if that beautiful man beat my ass, I'd probably say that, too. | ||
| Me, too. | ||
| See, Idris Elba. | ||
| Looks so good in movies. | ||
| He's so charming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| That guy kicks your ass, too. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| You might have to tell people you took a fall. | ||
| Dude, I don't believe you. | ||
| You took a fall? | ||
| First of all, if you say you took a fall... | ||
| You might be even telling the truth, but you're the type of person that's willing to take a fall. | ||
| So I can never believe you. | ||
| Yeah, I know you're a scumbag. | ||
| There's not that many people. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| There's people like Anthony Smith that won't win the world title versus Jon Jones by disqualification because they have character. | ||
| And then there's people who take dives. | ||
| So if you're the type of people who takes a dive, how am I going to believe you anyway? | ||
| You're a piece of shit. | ||
| How am I going to believe you anyway? | ||
| I think Idris Elba fucked you up. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I think Scar fucked you up. | ||
| I think 008 fucked you up. | ||
| 008? | ||
| That'd be sick. | ||
| I think he fucked you up and you don't like it. | ||
| Dude, I don't think movie theaters are going to be dead because I think everyone likes the experience of leaving the house. | ||
| Right, but they liked Blockbuster, too. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| You get to go out of the house. | ||
| You pick whatever you want. | ||
| You do a little flirty. | ||
| You know that you're not really going to watch the movie because you plan on deep-dicking, right? | ||
| Get those red vines. | ||
| So you'll let them pick some stupid movie that you're never going to watch. | ||
| Some Reese Witherspoon, Legally Blonde, too. | ||
| Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| The dog's so cute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Let's get out of here. | ||
| You're thinking of the mauling you're going to do. | ||
| I'll never forget my mom so wild. | ||
| I'll never forget when we get to the front and be like, you have late fees of $275. | ||
| Oh my god, late fees were brutal. | ||
| Oh, my mom would be like, can we just, listen, let's just do this and then we'll be back next week and I will pay it. | ||
| And she would never pay it. | ||
| Late fees were brutal. | ||
| Brutal. | ||
| Very brutal. | ||
| Why don't we just keep the fucking movie? | ||
| You know what else is brutal? | ||
| Those little mom and pop little fucking ones that had the porno section they had to kick open like the outdoor Josie Wales. | ||
| Yeah, they had the curtains. | ||
| You know the outlaw Josie Wales when they always kick open those saloon doors? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's Joey Diaz's famous, one of those biggest references. | ||
| He's always talking about kicking open saloon doors like the outlaw Josie Wales. | ||
| But they always had beads. | ||
| They always had curtains. | ||
| Do you remember those? | ||
| I remember curtains. | ||
| You're a lot younger than me. | ||
| How old are you now? | ||
| 37. But there was a video store, and I'll never forget this thing. | ||
| How old were you when you were looking at the porn section of the mom and pop video stores? | ||
| I would sneak in around 10 or 11 just to peek back there because they were velvet, like crust velvet, maroon curtains. | ||
| Dude, you'd have to open those beads and people would hear the clickety-clickety clack of your pervertedness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| I'm going to jerk off. | ||
| That's what it was saying! | ||
| That's what those beads were saying. | ||
| They were sending out a Morse code. | ||
| I'm jerking off. | ||
| And then you'd all pass each other. | ||
| No one would be friendly. | ||
| No one would make eye contact. | ||
| Everyone was so weird. | ||
| Just picking up boxes, looking at them like you're looking at a normal movie. | ||
| Like you're reading the plot on the back. | ||
| So stupid! | ||
| It was so stupid, man. | ||
| It was so stupid. | ||
| But also fantastic. | ||
| There's none of that now. | ||
| It was a weird time, where everybody knew that everybody else watched porn too, so we were all like, yeah, yeah, yeah, how you doing, Mike? | ||
| What's up? | ||
| And then, you know, maybe, that was like, if you have good friends, good friends would tell each other they'd beat off. | ||
| There's a lot of guys out there lying to each other. | ||
| I don't even like porn. | ||
| Stacks of it, hidden in closets and shit. | ||
| Dude, magazines? | ||
| Jacking off to magazines? | ||
| Bro, jacking off in the forest to magazines. | ||
| I used to have a bit that I never wound up putting this on a special. | ||
| I wrote it, but then my special was too long. | ||
| I think it was Triggered or one of the other ones. | ||
| But I had a whole bit about when I was a kid, we would find porn in the forest. | ||
| Some dudes who were so scared. | ||
| They're so scared of the fact they beat off. | ||
| They have to hide their shit in the woods. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They have to go to the woods. | ||
| You should release that bit. | ||
| Is it like a bonus? | ||
| I need to just redo it. | ||
| I should just redo it. | ||
| And release it. | ||
| Yeah, because I think the problem was sometimes I get on a subject and I do too much on that subject. | ||
| I might have had too many jerking off jokes. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Nothing better than a jerking off joke, man. | ||
| You have to fucking, but you have to, if you're doing a whole special and you have 28 minutes of jerking off jokes, you gotta edit out 10 of that, put it aside, tighten up your ship. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| But that's a thing like that back then, you know, it never existed before. | ||
| So when I was a kid, when I was in high school, that's when the VHS tape became common in households, in my neighborhood at least. | ||
| I don't remember what the year was. | ||
| They invented the VHS tape. | ||
| But I remember the first time I ever saw TV on a thing that you could push into the television and watch it and play it. | ||
| And then people figured out that this is a good way to watch people fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| By the time I was a senior in high school, it went from freshman in high school, nobody watched people fuck, to senior high school, all of my friends were stealing tapes from their dads and buying them off other dudes. | ||
| Was Faces of Death big when you were- Yes, that was just after high school. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Just after high school, dudes had Faces of Death, and then there was also shit like Barnyard Betty, where there was this poor- Fetal alcohol syndrome baby that grew up to be a fucked up lady who was on drugs is having sex with all these different barnyard animals and you're like, oh my god. | ||
| And so I was at my friend Billy's house and we went down to his basement and we're watching it on the TV and our other friend Ron is guarding the door. | ||
| He's making sure that nobody opens up the door for parents. | ||
| So he's like, look out at the door while we're watching this chick suck off a German Shepherd. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| God, this is crazy! | ||
| Because, you know, we were like 20 or something like that, and we couldn't believe that, to any 20-year-old kid, if you said, did you know that there's ladies that if you pay them enough money they'll suck off dogs? | ||
| You're like, what the fuck? | ||
| They're like, duh. | ||
| But they'd be like, duh. | ||
| Yeah, here's a whole Reddit fucking subthread. | ||
| Oh, I know, now. | ||
| A subreddit dedicated entirely to chicks who blow dogs. | ||
| So VCR was released in 1977 in the United States. | ||
| Faces of Death came out the next year. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| And then in 1985, a mathematics teacher showed it to his class in Escondido High School. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Two of the students were so traumatized. | ||
| That would have fucked me up. | ||
| They developed an unnatural fear of dying and suffering emotional distress. | ||
| Yeah, I couldn't watch that when I was in high school. | ||
| The other thing is, how much of it was real, though? | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| I'd have to see it now. | ||
| Some of it was, but most of it was real. | ||
| I'm sorry, what year did you say the VHS was invented in 76? | ||
| 77. So I was in ninth grade in 1981. That was my first year as a high school student. | ||
| So that was like right when that was kind of kicking in. | ||
| A new invention, like a thing that you can play tape and you can watch movies in your house, that took a year or two back then to spread across the whole country. | ||
| Betamax was the year and a half-ish before it. | ||
| Because VCR took off in Japan and this says Betamax came out in 1975. Yeah. | ||
| What you mean is VHS. VHS was inferior to Betamax, but Betamax was a Sony product, and it was only Sony. | ||
| So you had to only use their stuff, right? | ||
| And apparently it was way better and smaller. | ||
| They've had that problem a few times. | ||
| Are you a Sonyator? | ||
| No, but they've won a few times. | ||
| Discman and some other things. | ||
| Oh, the Discman was sick. | ||
| That shit was dope. | ||
| Remember the VCR, too? | ||
| The first one, it would pop open on top. | ||
| You wouldn't put it straight in. | ||
| It'd pop up top, and then you'd put it in. | ||
| Bro, I remember we'd go to the gym and dudes would have a disc man on their hip. | ||
| A big yellow plastic thing where the CD would sit in it and they'd be at the gym lifting and be like, look how cool that guy looks. | ||
| He's got his own music. | ||
| They called the skip protection ESP because it looked ahead and wouldn't forget. | ||
| And that was a big deal. | ||
| Because it wouldn't skip. | ||
| It wouldn't skip. | ||
| You could shake it. | ||
| It wouldn't skip. | ||
| I remember when they first figured out how to do that in cars, I was like, God, they nailed it. | ||
| Because before, if you were driving in your car and you hit a bump, your fucking music would ruin. | ||
| It would fuck the song up. | ||
| What a nightmare. | ||
| It was a nightmare. | ||
| It was basically you're driving around at a record player. | ||
| But they did have a record player for a car even before that. | ||
| They had record players for cars in like the 50s. | ||
| Like a record, like a 78. Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| We've talked about this before. | ||
| Record players in cars. | ||
| It was really old. | ||
| I want to say it was like late 50s. | ||
| What a terrible idea. | ||
| They didn't know what to do! | ||
| There was some form of entertainment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There was no noise. | |
| Imagine being quarantined. | ||
| Oh, back then? | ||
| Yeah, well, they basically were quarantined. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they were doing. | ||
| What kind of life was that? | ||
| Living in the 20s. | ||
| Remember all the CDs you have? | ||
| Remember all the stacks? | ||
| You'd have the black case and be full. | ||
| You remember those things you would have? | ||
| Those towers? | ||
| Those CDs are stacked up in those towers? | ||
| You can buy one right now for $150. | ||
| Oh my god, that's hilarious. | ||
| That's a little pricey. | ||
| That's way pricey. | ||
| For a record player though? | ||
| That works. | ||
| A Philips record player for your car. | ||
| But what year did they invent it? | ||
| So look at that guy's car! | ||
| Look at that lower... | ||
| Look at that right there. | ||
| Look at that black and white picture. | ||
| That guy's got a fucking friend in there. | ||
| That's Muhammad Ali! | ||
| That's Muhammad Ali. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| He had a record player in his car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got stacks of records there, too. | |
| You know the thing is, we don't know if that's photoshopped. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's what's real weird. | ||
| But here's what's real weird. | ||
| In the future... | ||
| You're gonna be able to do, like a regular person is gonna be able to do whatever they want. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| With CGI, with Photoshop. | ||
| Oh, they'll be able to do whatever they want. | ||
| With pretending. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| If you've got one of those of Daniel Craig or John Lennon. | ||
| John Lennon's driving around with a record player in his Cadillac. | ||
| I don't know if that's real. | ||
| Today? | ||
| Today, I don't know. | ||
| But in the future, you're going to be able to watch a video. | ||
| And you won't know if the video is real. | ||
| Have you seen they've been able to do like... | ||
| Your face could be on that easily. | ||
| Oh, easily. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| My face has been on so many chicks... | ||
| Do you know how many chicks people have taken my face and put on their body? | ||
| Especially in ridiculous workout selfies that I take. | ||
| Like when I'm done working out and I'm all sweaty and I feel pumped. | ||
| People put them on chicks' faces. | ||
| Have you seen the deepfakes? | ||
| They do it with porno. | ||
| They have huge celebrities. | ||
| Looks pretty fucking real, man. | ||
| It looks pretty real, but here's the thing, man. | ||
| CGI is gonna replace all that. | ||
| They're gonna be able to do that with computer programs where you don't need to just put it on an existing video. | ||
| You can do the whole thing artificially. | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
| They'll probably... | ||
| It'll be like Squarespace. | ||
| Like, Squarespace has templates for websites? | ||
| Yeah, websites. | ||
| They're going to have templates for porn. | ||
| Like, what do you want to do? | ||
| You want to be a tennis instructor? | ||
| How do you want to do it? | ||
| And it's going to be a dude, and then it's going to be, he's going to just go in there, and you're going to have whatever girl you want. | ||
| You want to fuck Meg Ryan? | ||
| Okay, it's going to be Meg Ryan. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to be whoever you want. | ||
| Well, think about it. | ||
| You'll probably get rid of the actor, because they'll be able to put that in movies, whoever you want. | ||
| Yeah, you want a 1990 Salma Hayek? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| So you get to hear her voice. | ||
| You get to see her face. | ||
| There's going to be crazy lawsuits where people are trying to stop people from using their face and their artificial body in porn. | ||
| And the arguments are going to be that it's art. | ||
| You can't stop freedom of expression. | ||
| But you can't use people's name and likeness. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not if it's a painting of someone. | ||
| Here's the thing, right? | ||
| If I take you and I paint you Can I sell it? | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you? | |
| Yes, I think so. | ||
| I think if someone paints me and they sell it, I don't have any say in that. | ||
| I'm a public figure. | ||
| They're painting me and they're selling it. | ||
| Now, what if they paint me and it's so realistic? | ||
| That it looks exactly like me, and I got a dick in my mouth, and they're selling it. | ||
| I don't think I can do anything. | ||
| So let's keep going. | ||
| Let's keep going. | ||
| What if instead of paint, they do a digital photograph? | ||
| So they make a photograph with a computer of me. | ||
| It looks just like me, doing something I've never done before. | ||
| Robbing a bank. | ||
| Like running out of there with a bag of cash and a pistol in my hand. | ||
| A thing that never existed. | ||
| It's not a pre-existing photograph where they just superimpose my face. | ||
| It's a completely new image. | ||
| How is that not a piece of art? | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| So why wouldn't it be, especially, it's going to be disturbing for female celebrities. | ||
| What if it's you in a KKK outfit? | ||
| It could be you in anything. | ||
| It could be you with a giant vagina, giving birth. | ||
| Bill Clinton. | ||
| That was a painting. | ||
| That's a real painting. | ||
| That was a painting. | ||
| If you guys don't know how crazy this Epstein story is, in Jeffrey Epstein's house in New York City, which was $70 million, worth $70 million, who someone gave him. | ||
| Somebody gave it to him. | ||
| Okay, whatever. | ||
| I have friends. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| He's got a painting of Bill Clinton in a dress pointing at him. | ||
| That's Hillary Clinton's dress. | ||
| Well, whoever's dress it is. | ||
| It's Bill Clinton. | ||
| It might have been Monica Lewinsky's dress. | ||
| Is it the same one that Hillary won? | ||
| It could be either one. | ||
| It's pretty close. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| But that was in his living room. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| So in his living room, he had a painting of Bill Clinton dressed up like a woman. | ||
| I think he had that George Bush one too. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| It's almost like they held stuff over these guys to the point where they could humiliate them. | ||
| They were mocking them. | ||
| So if that guy came... | ||
| If Bill came over to his house, he would see that. | ||
| He would see, like, you're my bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| You're my bitch. | ||
| I don't care if you're the former president. | ||
| You're my bitch. | ||
| I still don't think he... | ||
| Let me show you the videos. | ||
| I still don't think he committed suicide. | ||
| Of course you don't. | ||
| Because he didn't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| First of all... | ||
| What do you think, Jamie? | ||
| I'm not a big conspiracy guy. | ||
| Michael Badden, that fucking guy from that HBO autopsy series, he talks about it in depth. | ||
| He's like, no, these are injuries consistent with someone who's been choked. | ||
| It's also the position of the cut. | ||
| It's all lower. | ||
| When you hang yourself, it goes up like that because your whole weight is up there. | ||
| This shit is down there. | ||
| Someone's choking this motherfucker off. | ||
| I think Harvey Weinstein's the next to go. | ||
| He has too much shit. | ||
| Yeah, we talked about this yesterday, right? | ||
| With Michael Shermer? | ||
| Who did I talk about this with? | ||
| With Lex? | ||
| Or was it Michael? | ||
| One of the two, it came up. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've heard that argument before, but I think that he's got more to lose than he does to gain. | ||
| Because if he says something like, yeah, all those Hollywood starlets, they all sucked my dick and that's how they got famous. | ||
| It sort of reinforces... | ||
| That he was a monster? | ||
| That he was a monster. | ||
| But it also shows they were playing the game. | ||
| They were playing the game, but that game's illegal. | ||
| And so the whole reason why he's in jail for the rest of his life is because that game's illegal. | ||
| But he's already in there. | ||
| So if he goes, hey, I know I'm this monster. | ||
| You like this celebrity? | ||
| She did this with me for years. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Jeffrey Epstein's Hollywood pipeline ran straight to Harvey Weinstein. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeesh. | |
| Well, I would make up a bunch of stories about aliens now that Harvey's in the pokey, probably for the rest of his life. | ||
| If I ran some of them dubious websites, I would start writing the most ridiculous stories I am related to someone who was propositioned by Harvey Weinstein and said that he could make her a star. | ||
| She didn't believe him. | ||
| The crazy thing is he... | ||
| Sounds like your cousin was a dumbass. | ||
| It was in Ohio. | ||
| She had no idea who he was. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Do your research, girl. | ||
| Was there no Google back in this fucking... | ||
| It might have been actually a long time ago. | ||
| She could have been fucking Wonder Woman. | ||
| She's just like, who's this fat guy? | ||
| Are you insinuating? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Back in the day, Wonder Woman. | ||
| He made people famous. | ||
| Whitney Cummings talks about it. | ||
| She has a really funny way of putting it. | ||
| She's like, well, the guy always told the truth. | ||
| He really did it for him. | ||
| Like, if you told him, if you suck my dick, I'm going to put you in this movie. | ||
| They were in the movie. | ||
| They were in the movie. | ||
| And that was his reputation. | ||
| I'm like, wow. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| But then again, how does a guy like him ever fuck a 10? | ||
| But I put him in movies. | ||
| And you imagine how stunned he must have been? | ||
| Imagine you're banging some of the most famous, hottest women in the world, and you're this monster. | ||
| You look terrible. | ||
| You look terrible. | ||
| You look like an experiment. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He was so vile. | ||
| Doesn't he have corona? | ||
| Pretty sure they moved him to the hospital with corona. | ||
| Dave Chappelle had a fucking hilarious take on that. | ||
| He goes, "There's very few dudes where you look at him and go, 'Oh yeah, he rapes!'" That was in that Belly Room comedy special that he did with his walker. | ||
| God, it's so crazy. | ||
| He's so foul looking. | ||
| But if a guy like him grew up in that Hollywood system, he's probably... | ||
| You know, like a really extreme version of how they all did it. | ||
| Agree. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's not the first one. | ||
| No. | ||
| The casting couch is an expression for a reason. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| It was real. | ||
| It's a huge porno channel to this day. | ||
| I mean, but we know that that happened, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's gross. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I'm not endorsing it. | ||
| I'm just saying we know of it as a historical reality. | ||
| You know, just like we know barbarians used to be real. | ||
| We know. | ||
| I love that as a historical reality. | ||
| The casting couch was a real thing. | ||
| God, he's vile. | ||
| He's got everything. | ||
| He's got pockmarks. | ||
| He's fat. | ||
| He's balding. | ||
| Nothing is good. | ||
| He's gross looking. | ||
| He doesn't look compassionate. | ||
| He doesn't look friendly. | ||
| It's all those things. | ||
| Apparently on a small dick. | ||
| But it's also, it's like there's this fucking vortex of things that are happening. | ||
| Everything's all happening together. | ||
| And this guy figured out that there's a system. | ||
| If you get people's attention and make them famous, then you can make a lot of money if you make good choices and you're smart about how you do it. | ||
| And you control your addiction just enough to keep making movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| And he's with a bunch of young starlets. | ||
| And he just looks like complete shit. | ||
| Just a monster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Welcome to RV. What do you do if you're one of those gals? | |
| I want to be in the movie! | ||
| I could be Aquaman's girlfriend! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's gonna suck this fat guy's dick! | |
| Shit! | ||
| Didn't you have a bit about it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I had a bit about my son. | ||
| It's different with boys. | ||
| But if I was a man, like it was me and it was my daughter, you know, like every man in this room, like every person's room, and that guy propositioned my daughter and offered her money in exchange or offered her sex. | ||
| Her giving him sex. | ||
| To be Catwoman? | ||
| In exchange for a movie, I'd be like, no, I'd want to kick his ass. | ||
| I'd want to fuck him up. | ||
| I want to kill him. | ||
| I forgot the bit. | ||
| What? | ||
| Breaking news. | ||
| What? | ||
| Some fighters out. | ||
| I'm not going to like this. | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm not going to like what? | ||
| Let me get their tweet. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Oh, I'm nervous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Is it a fight off? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fuck! | ||
| What's with the suspense? | ||
| I was trying to get the tweet out. | ||
| What do we got here? | ||
| UFC 249 has been canceled. | ||
| All UFC events postponed indefinitely due to COVID-19. | ||
| Dana White says he's ready to promote the event, but things were taken out of his control. | ||
| Much, much more to come. | ||
| The government stepped in and said, you ain't doing shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Well, that saves me a lot of fucking thinking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| Damn. | ||
| I was 75% ready to go. | ||
| You were gonna do it. | ||
| The only thing that worried me is that if I contracted something and then I came in contact with other people. | ||
| So what I was gonna do is do it if I definitely could get tested. | ||
| And then I would have to know the results before I come back. | ||
| But fucking even then you don't know. | ||
| The testing was a little dicey. | ||
| Jamie was saying there's a new type of test that they're working on. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| They don't have it officially done yet, I guess. | ||
| But when I was reading the stuff about the NBA, it said that they have a potential... | ||
| Instant test, right? | ||
| Like maybe a diabetic type test where you can prick a finger, get a little bit of blood, and they can get something within 5 to 10 minutes. | ||
| I believe it also said it was hypothetical and like if they can get that done or get it mass produced or whatever it is and it works and it's accurate, then they will proceed, but... | ||
| I'm so disappointed. | ||
| Dude, there's an article in The Atlantic about tracking you with cell phones and tracking you in comparison to trusted people that have tested negative. | ||
| Like that could be the way that we could release people from quarantine. | ||
| And this is... | ||
| We're gonna go full Eddie Bravo on something like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck, dude. | |
| Because if you have to have something... | ||
| You have to have your phone on you to travel. | ||
| Like apparently they have to do... | ||
| I think it's in China, right? | ||
| Don't they have their phone to travel? | ||
| And they have a health app on their phone. | ||
| It's sort of like they have to keep their health app up to date. | ||
| There's one on every iPhone already. | ||
| Yeah, but I think this is a different kind of thing. | ||
| You have to have been certified that you tested clean for COVID, and then it's on your phone. | ||
| A digital certificate or something like that, yeah. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| I'm fine with that. | ||
| Dude, you can't be! | ||
| Because then they can restrict your travel just based on whether or not- If you're sick, though? | ||
| Yeah, but here's the thing. | ||
| We've always just accepted that people can be sick and we prefer freedom over 100% safety. | ||
| We've always accepted- We're not doing that now, Joe. | ||
| We're not doing that now. | ||
| But my point is, we've always accepted that. | ||
| And if we decide to keep going further down that rabbit hole where we make someone carry a device, where you can track their location, you have to have it to travel. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| It gets weird, man. | ||
| It gets weird. | ||
| You have to have a phone, and I have to be able to see what you've been up to. | ||
| What if you've been partying all night? | ||
| And you go to the airport, and they're like, I think you have cancer. | ||
| They're like, no, no, no, I just did coke. | ||
| I'm just fucked. | ||
| They're like, I think you're dying. | ||
| Like, no, I've just been up. | ||
| I've been hammered all night. | ||
| I haven't gotten to bed yet. | ||
| I've got high blood pressure. | ||
| Going back to see my family, please. | ||
| I hated Denny's. | ||
| I'm trying to go home. | ||
| I want to go home. | ||
| I'm sleeping for three days. | ||
| And they're like, you're sick. | ||
| We need to quarantine you. | ||
| But that's a poor example just for humor. | ||
| But there's a slippery road if you tell people they have to have a phone everywhere they go. | ||
| Right now you don't. | ||
| You could have a driver's license or a passport and you can get on a plane and you're fine. | ||
| You don't have to have a phone. | ||
| You don't have to have a phone right now. | ||
| And I'm not saying you shouldn't have a phone, but I'm saying if someone's gonna tell you That you have to have a phone everywhere you go. | ||
| Things are going to get slippery. | ||
| Because they're going to be able to track you 100%. | ||
| But what if it's just like the way you scan your boarding pass? | ||
| What if you scan to make sure you're healthy? | ||
| But that's the problem. | ||
| And after that they don't track you. | ||
| Well look, think about all Google has done. | ||
| It's not a knock on Google, but all Google has done with basically just the information that they give to companies on what your activities are. | ||
| The reason why when you're talking about things and these Google Ads pop up Why is that? | ||
| Why when you look up something, you find those ads and everything? | ||
| Well, it's because they're trying to sell you things, right? | ||
| They're trying to figure out... | ||
| They're monitoring what you're looking at, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, trying to figure out what makes you tick. | ||
| Why wouldn't they do that with this, too? | ||
| Why wouldn't they do that with this, too? | ||
| If you could track people, who's going to pay for all that software and all that stuff? | ||
| Well, we'll just put a few ads up. | ||
| Would you rather be quarantined? | ||
| But imagine... | ||
| Would you rather be quarantined? | ||
| But imagine if you could track people, if they could go everywhere, and while they're doing their life, you know everything they do. | ||
| You know they went to this grocery store. | ||
| You know they went to this house. | ||
| You gave an app on them that they can't leave behind that checks their health. | ||
| It's dicey. | ||
| It's dicey! | ||
| There should never be a group that has more power over an individual rather than another individual. | ||
| The thing about having a massive group that can tell one person that they can or can't do something is it can be abused. | ||
| If everyone is even, it can never be abused. | ||
| If we all follow the same rules and the same laws, then okay, we all agree. | ||
| We all have the same amount of control and power over each other's lives. | ||
| But as soon as you have more control than the person who you're monitoring, then things can get weird. | ||
| It's just natural. | ||
| People are weird. | ||
| They control people. | ||
| They like controlling people. | ||
| They like abusing power. | ||
| A lot of people that have power abuse power. | ||
| So if you give the power of constant surveillance in exchange for the freedom to be able to go everywhere you want and the relieving of quarantine, we just want to know you're healthy. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| You're like, okay. | ||
| We'll let you out if you let us monitor you. | ||
| That's what's going on. | ||
| It's not that they thought this through and this was their end goal. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| I don't think it's a fucking conspiracy. | ||
| You're not that smart? | ||
| No, I think people take advantage of things that happen. | ||
| That's more likely. | ||
| What's more likely is a crazy thing happens and people automatically take advantage when they find an opportunity. | ||
| Especially the more predatory amongst us. | ||
| So it's not like we're... | ||
| We're just looking out for human nature. | ||
| It's human nature. | ||
| When you look at the stuff that Edward Snowden found out about the NSA, of course they would. | ||
| If they could, they're going to. | ||
| They're going to do it. | ||
| They're going to find a way. | ||
| It's human nature. | ||
| It's just how we are, man. | ||
| Dude, I want to know who shut down UFC 249 because we know how adamant Dana is. | ||
| I was waiting to get that in there. | ||
| Supposed to happen April 18th has been cancelled. | ||
| Dana White confirms that he was asked to stand down by top Disney ESPN executives and he is doing so. | ||
| Damn, think of the power of Disney. | ||
| Hey, Dana, let's shut it down. | ||
| Well, I think they made probably a risk assessment, and then they made a calculation of what the negative aspects of going against government regulations, in terms of state government, would be. | ||
| They're probably like, you can't do this. | ||
| They're saying it's not worth it. | ||
| Imagine being the president of the UFC. Fuck all that. | ||
| Imagine having all these fights that you have to make and having all this pressure on you. | ||
| And you're also like a famous guy like Dana is. | ||
| Imagine being that guy. | ||
| Fuck that job. | ||
| Dana, president of the UFC is second only to president of the United States. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How fucking dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Is that a pressure? | ||
| Dude, $450 million in the bank account? | ||
| That's nice, but you get used to that. | ||
| You get used to that money. | ||
|
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|
100%. | |
| He's compensated well for it. | ||
| He's compensated well. | ||
| He's not making all the fights. | ||
| He's making a lot of fights. | ||
| He's making the main fights. | ||
| He's making a lot of fights. | ||
| The main events. | ||
| But the most important thing is he's like a psychotic driving force for the most exciting organization in the world. | ||
| And I don't think the organization gets where it is without Dana White. | ||
| I think you have to have a crazy person in the wheel. | ||
| You have to have a bulldog. | ||
| You have a guy who doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He's a real man. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He'll talk shit. | ||
| He'll insult people. | ||
| He'll go back with you. | ||
| He's nuts. | ||
|
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|
He's wild. | |
| And then Disney went, yeah, you're a wild boy. | ||
| He's like, I'm going to an Indian reservation! | ||
| I've got an island! | ||
|
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|
He's got a fucking island! | |
| I got an island! | ||
| And then Disney went, very cool. | ||
| Your island? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hopefully you didn't put money down because we're shutting all that down. | ||
| They're like, what? | ||
| What are we doing here? | ||
| And then they're probably like, this is the only thing that's up and running. | ||
| This is up and running. | ||
| They're ready to go right now. | ||
| And I think, I wish they would have let them go. | ||
| Because everyone would have been just fucking fine. | ||
| The other thing is, Disney saved $750 million. | ||
| As long as the right precautions are in place, I agree. | ||
| They would have been fine. | ||
| But the thing is, it's like you've got to measure. | ||
| If this was like just in any other disease where we understood it better, I would be way more confident. | ||
| We understand numbers though. | ||
| We do, but we don't understand Michael Yeo. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Michael Yeo almost died. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know what Michael Yeo's doing right now? | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| Right, but he almost died. | ||
| But he did it? | ||
| But he was in the hospital for a week. | ||
| Yeah, but he's fine. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Now he's fine? | ||
| I don't want people who are less, like, robust... | ||
| Michael Yeo to die. | ||
| So we got to figure out like what the fuck this virus is? | ||
| How does it get treated? | ||
| What's the most effective way? | ||
| And then it makes sense that we're a little bit more loose with our regulations. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Now Michael Yeo, decent shape. | ||
| He's in decent shape. | ||
| Compared to a UFC fighter? | ||
| He's fucking Adele. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, he's not in shape compared to Tony Ferguson. | ||
| He works out a lot. | ||
| He really does. | ||
| Again, compared to Tony Ferguson, that's fine. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| But he's also not that old. | ||
| No. | ||
| And, you know, college football player. | ||
| Strong guy. | ||
| That's a loose term, but yes. | ||
| I understand what he did. | ||
| There was a ball. | ||
| He was involved. | ||
| That's a very loose story. | ||
| Dude, how funny is it when people get busted with a fake story of some sort of athletic past? | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| It is the weirdest thing. | ||
| Brian had this friend. | ||
| I know, that's why I brought it up. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He'd be like, I fought Chick Congo in the beach. | ||
| And I've trained with Czech Congo. | ||
| I know Czech Congo. | ||
| I asked Czech Congo. | ||
| I've never fought on a beach. | ||
| I told Brian, I'm telling you, that guy's full of shit, Brian. | ||
| I'm telling you, we can track all of this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I had a guy who made me talk to his friend because his friend knocked out Chuck Liddell in one of the early UFCs. | ||
| And this guy's insisting that he knocked out Chuck Liddell in one of the early UFCs and he insists that I know. | ||
| And he's like, my friend needs to talk to you. | ||
| It was like a guy who was like a... | ||
| He was like a bouncer at a nightclub, and he made me talk to his friend. | ||
| And I'm like, what are you talking about? | ||
| I go, he's had one loss. | ||
| It was to Jeremy Horn. | ||
| He got submitted by Jeremy Horn. | ||
| This was at the time. | ||
| I'm like, you didn't knock him out. | ||
| No, we can check. | ||
| I can check right now on my phone. | ||
| Yeah, that didn't happen. | ||
| Never happened. | ||
| That didn't happen. | ||
| That wasn't a real thing. | ||
| The best was Brian was defending his friend. | ||
| He goes, dude, he wrestled at ASU. I go, well, my coach wrestled at ASU. I go, how old is your guy? | ||
| He goes, he's like 40-something. | ||
| Oh, my coach? | ||
| Oh, they've been the same year. | ||
| No, I'll see him tomorrow. | ||
| Let me ask him. | ||
| He goes, never heard of that guy. | ||
| Then Brian goes, dude, Brendan's coach was at ASU when he said you were there. | ||
| He goes, dude, I didn't say I was on the team. | ||
| I'd go in and volunteer. | ||
| Well, D1 programs don't let people volunteer to work out with the wrestling team. | ||
| Yeah, we got a farmer who wants to come in and do backflips. | ||
| Can he be on the gymnastics team? | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I volunteered? | ||
| Who volunteers? | ||
| Finally I got Brian to admit it. | ||
| Bro, people are crazy. | ||
| People make stuff up. | ||
| It's too easy to track these days. | ||
| Eddie 90 to this guy. | ||
| And he had this dude take him to the woods where he's going to fight an akumite. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| And the guy has a fucking big ol' sack with him. | ||
| Like a big ol' bag that he would carry with you. | ||
| Like a big one. | ||
| Like a three foot bag. | ||
| Solid bag. | ||
| And he goes, yeah... | ||
| He goes, I'll be back in two days, you know, and hopefully I'll win this thing. | ||
| And he goes into the woods. | ||
| The guy drops him off and he goes into the woods. | ||
| And so then he comes back. | ||
| His friend comes to get him. | ||
| They agree upon this time two days later. | ||
| His friend comes back and he's holding a trophy. | ||
| He doesn't have the bag anymore. | ||
|
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So the trophy was in the bag. | |
| And this guy came out of the woods holding this trophy saying that he won this in this kumite. | ||
| And the guy's like, but that's the same size as the bag that you had. | ||
| And you don't have the bag anymore. | ||
|
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|
What the fuck are you doing? | |
| So this dude basically just went camping and decided that would be the thing. | ||
| He was going to tell everybody he fought in some no-rules karate tournament in the forest. | ||
| Ah, dude. | ||
| You gotta appreciate the hustle, man. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's such a funny story, though. | ||
| Dude, that trophy's the same size. | ||
| What have you been doing, man? | ||
| The guy said, drop me off on this dirt road. | ||
|
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|
I have to fight in a karate tournament. | |
| So his friends are like, wow, this is just like a movie! | ||
| The dude just goes walking down this dirt road like he's fucking Kwai Chang Kane. | ||
| Oh my God, it's so stupid. | ||
| Oh man, that guy's fantastic. | ||
| So stupid. | ||
| What the fuck was he thinking? | ||
| Imagine thinking, I got these motherfuckers. | ||
| They're never gonna question this. | ||
|
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Dude, two knights. | |
| Two knights by himself. | ||
| I was back with a trophy. | ||
| Probably like hit himself a couple of times. | ||
| He's like, man, it got dicey, but I pulled it off. | ||
|
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It got crazy in the first fight, but the next eight fights were all me. | |
| Hey, and for what? | ||
| Just to tell us about it. | ||
| Get a trophy. | ||
| It's no rules. | ||
| Kumite. | ||
| In the forest. | ||
| Anything you can do like that in the forest is more... | ||
| You can do it on an island. | ||
| That's what would have been cool about this UFC thing. | ||
| If it really did go to fuck island. | ||
| Not anymore, bro. | ||
| Give it a couple of weeks. | ||
| Yeah, maybe they'll be back up and running. | ||
| Well, the good news is it's pure, our response to this, because it happened in the moment. | ||
| The island might still be in play because all the other leagues are still figuring out that remote situation to figure out soccer, baseball, basketball. | ||
| So they might... | ||
| Well, if you could control an island, if it's a small island, if you could control the whole island and test everybody... | ||
| How much money is the UFC going to be spending on these private jets to fly? | ||
| How much money are they going to be making with the reality show about moving the UFC to the island? | ||
| Because I'm watching that shit. | ||
| Fuck Tiger King. | ||
| I'm watching Dana White with his crazy screaming and running around trying to figure out how to... | ||
| We're gonna put on these fucking fights! | ||
| Trying to figure out how to get a fight to an island and coming up with an idea of an island and international waters and who owns the island? | ||
| That's one episode, bro. | ||
| So that dude's the king of the island? | ||
| That's one episode. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| And then the government chats him on the phone call with, yes, Mr. Trump. | ||
| I understand, Mr. Trump. | ||
| Disney calling him up, yelling at him. | ||
| He's a wild man. | ||
| I don't know what they're gonna do, man. | ||
| We told you you have to throw those 40-something fights. | ||
| I think they're gonna relax a little. | ||
| I think people are gonna hopefully realize that the worst is behind us. | ||
| I think maybe the numbers are gonna be like this. | ||
| I'm hoping, obviously I'm hoping the current treatment is the one that works, but if that's not the one that works, maybe they find something just as good. | ||
| I heard zinc. | ||
| Oh, that was the other thing. | ||
| Why are people saying tonic water? | ||
| Why are people saying... | ||
| This is one of the weird things about home remedies and homeopathic chores to fucking ruthless pandemics. | ||
| But people were saying quinine in tonic water and zinc together are a good combination. | ||
| Someone was saying that it somehow or another mimics what that malaria drug does. | ||
| Sounds ridiculous. | ||
| Just looking up tonic water, Wikipedia says tonic water is a carbonated drink in which quinine is dissolved, originally used as a prophylactic against malaria. | ||
| Tonic water usually now has a significantly lower quinine content and is consumed for its distinctive bitter flavor. | ||
| So now it's just a taste. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So originally... | ||
| See, that's what happens to me. | ||
| Home remedies! | ||
| But if you can get quinine, forget about tonic water, if you can actually, quinine mimics that malarial drug? | ||
| Again, this is probably when they first made it, back when Coke had Coke in it. | ||
| This is how those people die drinking pool cleaner. | ||
| Fucking idiots. | ||
| That's how they die. | ||
| That's how that dude died. | ||
| That dude died because he's like, look, it's the same letters. | ||
| The same letters! | ||
| Fucking idiot. | ||
| Probably prescription only. | ||
| It says quinine is a medication for malaria treatment. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| But I don't think you could just get that. | ||
| But there is a certain amount of quinine from a natural source in tonic water? | ||
| Like, what is the quinine from? | ||
| Why do they have it in there? | ||
| Imagine if that was the drink they drank in places where the mosquitoes were bad. | ||
| Quinine powder is so bitter that British officials stationed in early 19th century India had to mix it with soda and sugar so they could drink it. | ||
| So that's probably how they made that drink to begin with. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's deep. | |
| They made a drink with some nasty stuff that kills malaria. | ||
| Do you know that sickle cell anemia is closely related to people that have survived malaria? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, apparently it's like the genetic... | ||
| Tiffany Haddish is actually the first person to tell me this. | ||
| The genetic, the reason why sickle cell came about was because of an ability to fight off malaria. | ||
| Somehow or another they're connected. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| No. | ||
| But then I looked it up and it's really interesting. | ||
| It occurs in people who are descendants of people who are in places where malaria existed. | ||
| So it has something to do with this resistance to malaria. | ||
| Have you had Tiffany on here? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| She was supposed to be on, but she got sick. | ||
| There is also, it says at the bottom of this... | ||
| I love her, though. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| I don't know, prescribed, but it says it's often recommended to relieve leg cramps. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Why leg cramps? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Leg cramps are no different than arm cramps, are they? | ||
| It says that, but the FDA cautions consumers against using off-label quinine drugs to treat leg cramps, but mixing it, there's a certain amount of it that can be mixed. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| What kind of a bitch are you that you need to take a drug for a leg cramp? | ||
|
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|
That is... | |
| How about walk it off? | ||
| Stretch it out, bitch. | ||
| Stretch it out. | ||
| Stretch it out, dude. | ||
| Have some water. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Drink something with electrolytes. | ||
| Get yourself some liquid IV. Okay. | ||
| Maybe this is like supercharged electrolytes. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It doesn't have much science about it at all. | ||
| It's just like a sentence. | ||
| Yeah, who knows, man? | ||
| I hope it works. | ||
| If it doesn't work, I hope vitamin C, sauna, that's what I'm doing. | ||
| A lot of vitamin C, a lot of vitamin D. I'm going to pee so bad, dude. | ||
| I bet you do. | ||
| It's three hours and 27 minutes. | ||
| Are we 27? | ||
| Oh, damn. | ||
| Look, it's 3.30 almost. | ||
|
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|
Done. | |
| I think we got a lot accomplished. | ||
| Me too, man! | ||
| How about the fucking UFC's canceled, bro? | ||
| And then how about the fact that it happens while we're on the podcast? | ||
| That was pretty crazy. | ||
| We didn't cover too much of it. | ||
| Listen, man, I was hesitant. | ||
| My thoughts on... | ||
| I know you were. | ||
| I was like, hmm, I really want to go. | ||
| Like, I was leaning towards going. | ||
| But I'm like, God, I don't want to hear it from people that don't think it's a good idea. | ||
| I'm not interested in putting myself at risk, but my real concern was... | ||
| How do I know if I contract it and then I bring it back? | ||
| How am I going to know? | ||
| And I had to be honest with myself. | ||
| I'm like, I really wouldn't know. | ||
| So the only way I would be able to do it is to do it and then be in quarantine until I get tested. | ||
| That ain't worth it. | ||
| I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For what? | |
| I want to find out, man. | ||
| I want to find out how many people have it. | ||
| I wish they would do. | ||
| One thing that I wish they would offer is like a worldwide antibody test. | ||
| Let's find out what the real numbers are. | ||
| And maybe they're already doing this and I'm just a moron. | ||
| But a worldwide test. | ||
| They're doing more, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's weird to me is the NBA got tested so fast. | ||
| But I mean antibodies. | ||
| I want to find out how many people went through it. | ||
| It'd be nice to have a test. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| It'd be nice to have a test of the people that survived it. | ||
| Like, let's test you. | ||
| How many people survived it? | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| They have those numbers. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| It'd be nice to have that, but it'd be also nice to... | ||
| I hate to say this because I don't want to test everybody, but if we tested everybody, everybody, it was real simple. | ||
| We tested everybody, and then we find out... | ||
| Again, this is a power thing. | ||
| You don't want people having the power to fucking just force you to take a test, and that's what ultimately they would have to do if we're going to test everybody. | ||
| You'd have to make it like the government would have to make it mandatory. | ||
| But imagine if they tested everybody and be like, dude, we got like 99% people have had it and they didn't even know it. | ||
| And they're fine. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| What if like 99% of the planet had it and a few of them got it really bad and people died from other people just maintained and didn't even skip a beat? | ||
| There'd be no quarantine. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| Isn't that like the chicken pox? | ||
| Almost everybody gets the chicken pox eventually, right? | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| You can get it again. | ||
| Do they have a vaccine for the chicken pox though? | ||
| I thought you could only get it once. | ||
| I think they have a vaccine for the chicken pox. | ||
| When a kid gets it, a lot of parents, they want to get their kid near it. | ||
| Yeah, but that was before they had vaccines, I think. | ||
| See if... | ||
| I mean, I'm really sure they have a vaccine for the chicken pox, and that was the idea behind it. | ||
| That's why people would want their kids... | ||
| We haven't heard about chicken pox in a grip. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was a kid, I had it. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| But you can't get it twice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I had it, too. | |
| You can't get it twice, though. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Once you have it, you're good. | ||
| I have like a little hole in my face where I pick my scab. | ||
| There is one, yeah. | ||
| Varicella, it's called. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Varicella. | ||
| I think, Jamie, you're talking about back before then. | ||
| They used to do that. | ||
| People would bring their kids over. | ||
| Someone had chickenpox. | ||
| You'd bring your kid over around that kid so you'd develop the antibodies. | ||
| You know, that's the other thing about diseases. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Think about the flu. | ||
| How many times have you had the flu, but your friend didn't, and you were around them? | ||
| How many times have someone in your house, like your wife, have the flu, and you don't have it? | ||
| Or you do, and she doesn't get it. | ||
| What is the difference between someone who gets it and someone who doesn't? | ||
| It's not just contact. | ||
| It's also how well your body fights off that flu. | ||
| Your immune system. | ||
| And that's something I think is going to help all of us to concentrate on now. | ||
| You know, I really, really, really, really hope that that's what people get out of this. | ||
| This is the fucking kick in the ass you needed to get your life in order and to order your health. | ||
| Get your fucking immune system in order. | ||
| Get that workout program in, bitch! | ||
| Do something. | ||
| Do something! | ||
| Do something. | ||
| Do something. | ||
| Skip rope. | ||
| Just skip rope. | ||
| You think you're a bad motherfucker? | ||
| Skip some rope for 10 minutes every day. | ||
| You'd be shocked at how hard it is to skip rope for 10 minutes. | ||
| That's so good for you. | ||
| So good for you. | ||
| So simple. | ||
| Good for footwork. | ||
| Someone was talking about that at some football player. | ||
| I forget what the story was, but he was talking to this other football player's kid, or this other guy's kid, who wanted to play football, and he's like, do you skip rope? | ||
| And he's like, no. | ||
| He goes, well, why don't you skip rope? | ||
| That was the first thing that he said to him. | ||
| I was like, I don't know football. | ||
| For receivers and quarterbacks? | ||
| Or quarterbacks? | ||
| He was just saying just for football, period. | ||
| That's great work. | ||
| I think it's great. | ||
| There's a reason why people do it for striking, too. | ||
| When you're forced to bounce up and down on your ball, your feet like that, You get a way better sense of what your body's capable of in terms of movement. | ||
| When I was fighting, I used to do rounds inside the cage. | ||
| I'd do four or five minute rounds with a minute off of jump rope. | ||
| And I'd go in the ring and bounce back and forth. | ||
| Dude, jump rope's the shit. | ||
| I love jump rope. | ||
| Just think about how you're doing these little explosions over and over and over again, over and over and over again. | ||
| And then you can get good and mix it up in speed. | ||
| And you've developed these legs that can explode all the time. | ||
| For footwork, you're always on your feet. | ||
| And then you get that on it, that thick dick jump rope, that fucking rattlesnake jump rope. | ||
| That shit works your shoulders. | ||
| But it's just such an underrated exercise. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| So simple, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| That's one of the cool things. | ||
| There's some positives to this quarantine for some folks. | ||
| And one of those is you have the time to look at stuff more. | ||
| And that's one thing that maybe was just sitting there. | ||
| And people are like, I never thought about that for fitness. | ||
| But you're willing to go to take a SoulCycle class on the other side of town. | ||
| But you could just watch a YouTube video and jump rope and get a way harder workout in. | ||
| Burn way more calories. | ||
| And it's hard. | ||
| You don't have to go anywhere. | ||
| You can watch a movie. | ||
| Watch your favorite movie. | ||
| Watch The Godfather. | ||
| I used to go in my garage every morning, ride that Peloton. | ||
| I got a fucking bike now because of the quarantine. | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| Part of the fun of those classes, Joe, is not just being by yourself. | ||
| Oh, being around hot roads. | ||
| Talking about them hoes. | ||
| Talking about them hot roads. | ||
| Them cycling hoes. | ||
| Brendan, I don't want you to piss your pants. | ||
| Thanks, dude. | ||
| Let's wrap this up. | ||
| TFATK.com, the Fighter and the Kid podcast, the King and the Sting podcast, Below the Bell podcast, Jesus Christ, Food Truck Diaries. | ||
| How many fucking... | ||
| Who hustles harder than you, man? | ||
| You do. | ||
| No, incorrect. | ||
| Love you, man. | ||
| I love you too, brother. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| That was fun, dude. | ||
| Fuck yeah. |
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