Nov. 9, 2010 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:15:09
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Smile on your face. | ||
| Three. | ||
| With her ID. Every picture has her ID. You could get fucking busted for pedophilia. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Child pornography. | ||
| Dude, we're live. | ||
| Eddie Bravo, how dare you? | ||
| That shit would stand up in court. | ||
| Eddie Bravo, how dare you bring up shit that we were talking about off the air. | ||
| Okay, I'm sorry. | ||
| Start the fucking podcast off with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| It's my cousin anyway. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning in to the podcast. | ||
| We are sponsored, as always, by The Fleshlight. | ||
| You go to fleshlight.com. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net and you click the link, this is a place where you can go to and you get 15% off. | ||
| And what is the code that you have to put in? | ||
| Rogan. | ||
| Rogan. | ||
| And this is a Fatboy Slim Mix. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fat Boy Summer Mix, 2010. You know what I love with the song that guy did? | |
| Weapons of Destruction. | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, the one with... | ||
| Christopher... | ||
| No, Christopher Walken did the video and he's dancing. | ||
| It's a fucking badass video. | ||
| Dude, all his videos or all his music's pretty good. | ||
| I've really never really got into them, but that one really grabbed me. | ||
| Our guest, as always, my buddy, Mr. Estee, Eddie Bravo. | ||
| Eddie Bravo of Tenth Planet Jujitsu. | ||
| You can go to twitter.com slash Eddie Bravo. | ||
| And where else can I get your shit? | ||
| You still have a MySpace page up with all your music, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going to move that to another site? | ||
| Eventually, man. | ||
| I'm behind on every fucking thing, man. | ||
| I've got to put out the Mastering the Twister DVD. Dude, I'm so behind on everything. | ||
| So musicians are still using MySpace. | ||
| Some of them, right? | ||
| Because it's convenient, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's got that music player that you can see your views or your hits. | ||
| That's pretty important to music. | ||
| That's super important. | ||
| If you have thousands of hits on one of your songs, people are going to go, oh shit, let me check that out. | ||
| If there's four hits, people are just going to bypass it. | ||
| Right, and when you embed a video, you can't embed it with the number of hits in it. | ||
| It can't show. | ||
| That must be something new. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I mean, if you embed like a YouTube clip, all you see is the window. | ||
| You don't see how many videos or how many people have watched this video. | ||
| No, but that would be a good feature, I think. | ||
| But no one goes on MySpace anymore. | ||
| You know, I'm always on my website, 10thplanetjj.com. | ||
| I'm on that motherfucker, like Joe on Twitter and shit. | ||
| All day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay, so if they want to see your music, though, they should go to myspace.com slash thetwister. | ||
| Those are all old videos and shit. | ||
| They're like three or four years now old, but they're still badass. | ||
| Brian Reichel, what are you doing over there, buddy? | ||
| Just fine-tweaking the audio. | ||
| Fine-tweaking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fine-tweaking. | |
| Brian has become quite a podcast mogul. | ||
| He's been broadcasting not just this podcast, but the unfortunate Brody Stevens project. | ||
| Yeah, that was... | ||
| Did you watch any of that? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, you did. | |
| I watched a little bit of it. | ||
| Keep it going and call it that. | ||
| The unfortunate Brody Stevens project. | ||
| Call it that, right? | ||
| Brody looks like he's going crazy. | ||
| Yeah, then that way he's allowed to get crazy. | ||
| I just think I need a taser, though. | ||
| I think if we do that, I need a taser. | ||
| Well, it's a character. | ||
| It's a character. | ||
| I think it works great for stand-up comedy, but I think for a podcast, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, it was hard because I felt bad. | ||
| The last episode, he brought his roommate on again, and he screamed at his roommate the whole time to the point where his roommate, I saw it look close to him, and his cheek was twitching because he was so upset. | ||
| And then I went outside. | ||
| Because I was freaking out. | ||
| I went outside and he comes running outside and goes... | ||
| Like in the middle of an interview, he just took off and Brody was just left there on the couch going, ah, well, you know, I don't know what he was doing. | ||
| But the guy's like, I can't take this anymore. | ||
| I don't know what to do. | ||
| I can't take this anymore. | ||
| And like he was... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like he just got raped. | ||
| That's what the conversation was. | ||
| And that's when I came to the conclusion that what happened is that... | ||
| They act together, him, Brody Stevens and his roommate act together like if a couple were to break up and they had to live together for like three months. | ||
| You know, like that anger. | ||
| Oh, that's the kind of tension they have? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It freaked me out. | |
| That's some real fucking anger too, man. | ||
| You ever been around someone when they're breaking up but they still haven't moved out yet and then the chick starts seeing another dude and they have complications or the guy starts seeing another chick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Fuck that shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's ugly. | ||
| That would never happen. | ||
| I would never put myself through that. | ||
| I mean, you'd have to be a brokester and understand, or some kind of, I don't know what's going on, with the lease or something. | ||
| Maybe there's like a lease problem. | ||
| They're both on the lease. | ||
| Some people just love drama. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuck that. | |
| They can never figure it out. | ||
| They can never figure out how to be cool with each other. | ||
| From the moment of the relationship, it's just a, it's an eventual explosion. | ||
| It's like, how fucked up does it have to get before it all falls apart? | ||
| The only way I could understand a situation like that is girl breaks up with boy. | ||
| Boy is begging for girl back. | ||
| Girl goes, you know what? | ||
| We're not getting back together, but I'm fucking staying here for two more months because I paid the rent. | ||
| And boy's like, fuck it, stay. | ||
| It's like it's going to give them more time to maybe change your mind. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, I could kind of see that. | ||
| When I broke up, I lived with a chick a long time ago. | ||
| The first chick I ever lived with. | ||
| Very nice girl, but we were both kids. | ||
| I was 21, she was 20, we were both retarded. | ||
| And when I lived with her and we broke up, there was a period of time, for like two weeks, we were still together. | ||
| And she was still staying in my house, but we were not together anymore. | ||
| We had broken up, so she had started dating other dudes. | ||
| And I had started dating other chicks, and she would be cool with it. | ||
| And then, like, she would tell me about dudes, and I wouldn't get jealous, but I would tell her about a chick, and she'd get mad at me. | ||
| Within two weeks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| She's already telling you about new dudes? | ||
| Yeah, we're 20 years old, man. | ||
| 20 years old? | ||
| You're retarded. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck's going on. | ||
| Were you in love with her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Definitely not, because I didn't freak out when she left. | ||
| Although I did, like, try to get her back, and I came off like a huge faggot. | ||
| I don't know if you've ever done that before. | ||
| Like, when you get devastated by a chick... | ||
| And then you try to figure out a way to bring her back. | ||
| It's almost like an ego thing, really. | ||
| It's like the relationship is boring. | ||
| Did she break up with you? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Okay, that hurts. | ||
| Now, how long were you guys living together before? | ||
| Not that long, man. | ||
| It did not last very long. | ||
| It was a disaster. | ||
| Six months? | ||
| Maybe something like that. | ||
| Not even. | ||
| You can get deep in six months. | ||
| Yeah, maybe not even. | ||
| I don't even think it was six months. | ||
| She was a nice kid. | ||
| We were just young and stupid. | ||
| But she started banging other dudes and I started banging other chicks. | ||
| And it was real weird because we were living together. | ||
| And every now and then she would get horny and I'd fuck her anyway. | ||
| It was very strange. | ||
| It was like retard relationship shit. | ||
| The shit you do when you're 21. Usually, generally, when someone breaks up, the girl, generally, for most people, the girl has so much more power than the guy. | ||
| The girl can bang ten dudes that day they broke up. | ||
| Like, the guy might not be able to get laid for a couple weeks, right? | ||
| He hasn't been in the game for a while. | ||
| Unless the reason why they're breaking up is because the guy found someone new already. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Back in Boston, man, where I lived, it was way harder to meet people. | ||
| This is not the same place, man. | ||
| People are not nearly as friendly. | ||
| It's not nearly as easy to go out and meet people like in a bar or club or whatever. | ||
| It's a fucking grind. | ||
| It's not easy. | ||
| Yeah, and everyone's in jackets. | ||
| You really don't know what the fuck you're getting. | ||
| You don't know what you're getting, man. | ||
| You get a look at girls' jeans. | ||
| How vacuum-sealed are these fucking things? | ||
| Even at clubs. | ||
| Even at clubs, you really can't tell. | ||
| Some girls can cover their fucked-up shit with the dresses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You get them naked, you're like, whoa, fuck. | |
| Plus they confuse you with glow sticks and shit, you know? | ||
| Like you go out to a club, they got glow sticks, they got glitter, they got fake eyelashes. | ||
| You're drunk, it's dark, and they got so much fucking makeup on and they're covering their shit up strategically. | ||
| They know how to cover them rolls up. | ||
| How crazy is the idea of a nightclub? | ||
| How crazy is the idea of a nightclub? | ||
| You go to a place. | ||
| It's a designated meeting area where everybody goes that supposedly is single and wants to fuck. | ||
| You know, it's like, can you get it? | ||
| That's the big question. | ||
| Can you meet? | ||
| Can you meet somebody? | ||
| Are you compatible? | ||
| Do you get it? | ||
| But we're going to provide you with music so you get to move around and grind against each other. | ||
| We're going to give you drinks so you make shitty decisions. | ||
| We're going to set you up in a place where there's probably going to be people that are selling drugs if we're going to do something more fucked up. | ||
| It's all together in one big spot and we stay open until 2 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| That's one place I never pick up chicks at, though. | ||
| I never pick up chicks at the dance club. | ||
| Because if I'm dancing, I'm acting a fool. | ||
| I'm not taking it serious, breaking it down. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I was totally the opposite. | ||
| For me, I swear. | ||
| When I was 21, 22, the way I would make moves on a chick is I would find the best dancer and then dance with her. | ||
| And I always felt like I could just, I could get them with the dancing. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Do you watch Klee? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| Did you like learn how to dance? | ||
| Man, I was dancing before I could even walk. | ||
| My aunts would just hold me up because my aunts were a couple years older than me and they would just hold me up and everyone, we would be dancing like fucking fools all the time. | ||
| Do you still dance once in a while? | ||
| I went to school, dances. | ||
| I was always dancing, huh? | ||
| Do you still dance once in a while? | ||
| If I'm at a club and they're playing some good shit, you know, some good fitty cent or something, some new ludicrous or something, I'll be dancing. | ||
| It's got to be good, though. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Shut that shit off. | ||
| That's Wake the Fuck Up. | ||
| No, you know what that is? | ||
| That's an alarm. | ||
| Call your business manager. | ||
| Check on your funds. | ||
| Like, every day it goes off. | ||
| Keep that shit going every day, but I usually ignore it. | ||
| So it's like a wake-up reminder to... | ||
| You check your fucking money, dude. | ||
| Slow down. | ||
| What are you, spending too much money? | ||
| I don't keep track of it. | ||
| That's my problem. | ||
| Now, when you get a business manager, I don't have to keep... | ||
| I like, you know, I always envied you, man. | ||
| How many years did we know each other and you had a business manager and I had to handle all my shit, do all my taxes? | ||
| You never worried about shit. | ||
| Since I've known you, you just have a credit card and you don't worry about shit. | ||
| I remember a couple times you told me, go, man, I could have two million in the bank. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I didn't want to disclose that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Anyway, do you like comic books? | ||
| Did you grow up liking comic books? | ||
| Um, no. | ||
| I never read comic books, man. | ||
| I wasn't into it. | ||
| I hated superheroes, man. | ||
| I wasn't into them. | ||
| I was Spider-Man for Halloween, and it's so weird playing the role of, like, a superhero at a party. | ||
| Like, I went to this huge party, and I was dressed up as Spider-Man. | ||
| And I realized when I had to walk around the party, I was walking around the party like I was Spider-Man. | ||
| Like, I wasn't just stepping. | ||
| Like, I didn't do it on purpose. | ||
| What? | ||
| I was really stoned in it. | ||
| I don't know, but it was weird, man. | ||
| So you really thought you were Spider-Man? | ||
| Well, I just caught myself walking differently. | ||
| This is the same dude, by the way, that said that he doesn't like certain video games because now when he sees buildings, he wants to jump from one building to the other because he's played this in games. | ||
| He actually thinks that? | ||
| He could go do that? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You're getting lost in the character. | ||
| Which is totally correct. | ||
| I played so much of this particular video game in a short amount of time, like all day long, that it got to the point where I was driving and I would just kind of space out and think, hey, look, a building. | ||
| I could jump on there. | ||
| I could see that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, you're thinking of retarded shit you never usually want to talk about, but you're thinking about that shit. | ||
| Like, man, I'm actually thinking about the fucking video game. | ||
| Jumping around. | ||
| Just because you played it. | ||
| How many hours straight do you play it? | ||
| At that time, I played it for all day long. | ||
| I'd wake up, play it, go to bed. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| For a month, though. | ||
| That was the only time I ever became addicted to it. | ||
| My little nephew, that's his problem right now. | ||
| They gotta take away that fucking game controller. | ||
| Because he plays all fucking days, fucking up his grades and all that shit. | ||
| And my sister's like, we only let him have that video game on weekends. | ||
| And they take the controllers and they fucking hide them. | ||
| He goes looking for it. | ||
| He breaks into the fucking room. | ||
| So all they really need to do is have like a... | ||
| Video game controller dealer at school, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How easy is that? | |
| I'm real lucky that I didn't have video games when I was a kid. | ||
| I mean, we had stupid ones on TV that you'd play. | ||
| I forget what they were. | ||
| I think Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, I think we had that. | ||
| I think that was when I was around high school. | ||
| I had Atari, the old Space Invaders. | ||
| That was all I had. | ||
| That wasn't that addictive. | ||
| I mean, it was okay, but it's nothing like Call of Duty or... | ||
| Dude, it was amazing back then. | ||
| Space Invaders at your house? | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm talking about the sheer addiction value of it. | ||
| It's not even close to the video games today. | ||
| No. | ||
| People are having real problems with their kids starving. | ||
| It's like a regular basis because they're not feeding their kids because they get lost in these massive multiplayer world games. | ||
| Yeah, like World of Warcraft. | ||
| Yeah, like these World of Warcraft games, man. | ||
| It substitutes these people's lives. | ||
| Like The Sims and Farmedale. | ||
| Girl, just... | ||
| Yeah, it's fucked up. | ||
| You know that new Call of Duty game that came out last night, Modern Ops or whatever? | ||
| I don't even know what the name of it is. | ||
| I just saw that it's in 3D. It's one of the first video games to release, to be made, to be played on a 3D TV. So you know that 3D we saw the other day at Bisbach? | ||
| Imagine playing Call of Duty now. | ||
| Dude, I did not realize how badass 3D looks now with a movie that's animated for 3D and then you get one of those 3D glasses and you watch on the new 3D TVs. | ||
| It's fucking incredible, man. | ||
| It's just like, it's overwhelming. | ||
| Like, you look at it and you're just going, whoa! | ||
| Isn't it weird that it's finally taking off? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, we had 3D back when I was 10. But it's not taken away. | |
| The problem is it's a huge fucking trick. | ||
| It came out almost a year ago. | ||
| You know how many Blu-ray, DVD, 3D movies that they're out? | ||
| It's like two, right? | ||
| Two or three. | ||
| I think the third one just came out the other day. | ||
| But like HD, the same thing. | ||
| There wasn't that many HD channels. | ||
| But you stick around. | ||
| There's no way 2D is going to fuck with 3D. 3D porn is going to take over. | ||
| They're making all movies in 3D now. | ||
|
unidentified
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Are they shooting porn in 3D? Yeah, they've been doing it for a while. | |
| Wow. | ||
| That's the only way to bring porn back. | ||
| How are you going to do 3D? You can't download 3D. And then ultimately you'll be able to download. | ||
| It's going to make a big comeback. | ||
| So should we invest in porn? | ||
| Is that like a 3D porn market? | ||
| It's got to be. | ||
| That's actually smart. | ||
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| You can't download that shit. | ||
| The bruises pop off the TV right into your ear. | ||
| The bruises pop off the TV? You can smell the fuck. | ||
| Dude, for sure. | ||
| For sure they're going to have loads coming at you. | ||
| You're going to have to dodge them, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Will you dodge them? | ||
| No, they're going to come right at the screen, and they're going to shoot to the girl's face, and she's going to be covered in loads. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to see the loads coming from behind the camera or something, right? | ||
| Imagine if it was so good, though, if you had a wall projection TV and the legs were just being wrapped around you. | ||
| It's really going to be gay porn that takes off from 3D, because what can a girl do in 3D while she's having sex? | ||
| Like, the titties coming at you? | ||
| It looks better. | ||
| It just looks better. | ||
| The depth is way better. | ||
| It's not just that you have tricks. | ||
| That was like old 3D. Remember Jaws 3D? There was only one thing that happened. | ||
| The shark went through the glass. | ||
| You're like, ah, he's coming! | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| The rest of it was bunk. | ||
| It was like tricks. | ||
| But now it's not tricks. | ||
| It's like they're doing... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Depth. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What was the Monsters vs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Aliens? | |
| That was the animated show that we were watching that was in 3D? Yeah. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| It was so vivid and there was so much to it. | ||
| The depth was really shocking. | ||
| Pretty soon it's going to be where you look at your wall and you're looking into the next room. | ||
| You're watching Seinfeld as if Seinfeld was in your house. | ||
| If it's gotten this far, what it looks like is pretty fucking incredible. | ||
| Way better than the movies. | ||
| What would happen? | ||
| My shit went... | ||
| Bro, we lost one of the channels for the head. | ||
| Oh, there it goes. | ||
| It's back. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| All I'm saying is that you can get more creative with gay porn. | ||
| Yeah, I lost it, man. | ||
| We lose it. | ||
| You got a bad connection on the headsets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, so anyways... | ||
| It's in there, yeah. | ||
| But what I'm saying is it looks way better than the movies because movie theaters, it's like kind of shitty resolution. | ||
| It looks like grainy. | ||
| You know, even if it's a giant, it's better. | ||
| Even if it's a giant screen, it's not nearly as good as like a giant, like 55-inch plasma screen. | ||
| You know, the depth that you get when you look at like a real good TV? It's like the resolution is like way crisper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see Jackass in 3D? That was using old school 3D techniques. | |
| Like dildos coming towards your face. | ||
| So that wasn't using depth. | ||
| They actually slowed down things so you could see it come at you. | ||
| That was the best movie for the 3D content. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was awesome for 3D. All I kept thinking about is... | |
| They're getting fucking some head trauma going on. | ||
| They're really jacking their heads up. | ||
| For sure, at least one of those dudes. | ||
| One of those dudes is going to have Lou Gehrig's disease. | ||
| Are you, after watching that show on brain trauma, was it Real Sports? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Are you more aware of that shit? | ||
| Oh yeah, the whole time I was watching Jackass, I'm like, God damn, it's funny. | ||
| It's all fun and games right now. | ||
| You're making a lot of money, but they're really fucking themselves up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| I saw the saddest interview with Michael, not Michael, with Muhammad Ali when he was Cassius Clay. | ||
| He was talking about retiring when he got to be a certain age. | ||
| He goes, I don't want to be one of them fighters as old and been hitting the head too many times as talking duh, duh, duh, duh. | ||
| Whoa, whoa. | ||
| Yeah, whoa, indeed. | ||
| It was so creepy to listen to that. | ||
| You're the king of der-der-der. | ||
| You're the guy. | ||
| If you talk about anybody where anybody looks towards someone getting damaged from fighting and it being a sad case, he's the one. | ||
| And there's a lot of people that are trying to say that he has Parkinson's and it's not related. | ||
| The fuck it's not related? | ||
| That's a bullshit, politically correct argument. | ||
| Yeah, he's got Parkinson's. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| It means his fucking brain is falling apart. | ||
| Why do you think he has it? | ||
| You don't think that has to do with the fact that he got battered in the brain for decades? | ||
| You don't think that has something to do with that? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| They had this thing on 48 Hours with Jerry Quarry. | ||
| Jerry Quarry was like this great white hope from the 1970s. | ||
| And they followed this dude around. | ||
| And he was like 53 years old when he died. | ||
| And they followed him around when he was 50. And he was gone. | ||
| Gone. | ||
| There was nothing there. | ||
| He had no idea what was going on. | ||
| Didn't know how to write his name. | ||
| His brother had to help him write it. | ||
| So he had Lou Gehrig's disease. | ||
| He had everything. | ||
| You know, he had pugilistica dementia. | ||
| That's what they call it. | ||
| That's what they were calling it. | ||
| You know, as far as is it Lou Gehrig's disease? | ||
| Lou Gehrig's disease is the same thing that Stephen Hawking has. | ||
| It's your body loses its ability to move itself. | ||
| There's a bunch of different things. | ||
| I mean, Muhammad Ali has Parkinson's. | ||
| You know, this guy had, you know, pugilistica dementia, which is just dementia brought on by being punched. | ||
| The whole deal is, you know, it's scary because we see it all the time, man. | ||
| We see guys getting jacked in the head all the time. | ||
| You know, it's a big part of what we do. | ||
| It's real shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So much fun to watch, though. | ||
| Thank God there's dudes willing to put their brains on the line for our entertainment. | ||
| Well, it's just they've got to know when to stop. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| I mean, you can do it a few times. | ||
| You can even get shut off a couple of times. | ||
| But you've got to know when to stop. | ||
| And everybody's when is different. | ||
| And that's when it gets tricky. | ||
| You know, no one can tell you. | ||
| Remember Alistair Overeem when he was getting knocked out all the time? | ||
| Alistair Overeem was getting, like, jacked over and over again. | ||
| Sergei Kerrigan. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| 26. | ||
| So, I mean, he had been beaten up a bunch of times, both in kickboxing and in, you know, in, in MMA. | ||
| But then all of a sudden he makes this fucking tremendous comeback. | ||
| And now he's one of the best fighters in the world. | ||
| So it's like, you can't never say that a dude's done because he made a sick comeback and then made a sick comeback in striking in K1. | ||
| You know, the fact that he was able to have that kind of success in just straight striking, I mean, that's pretty goddamn impressive. | ||
| So you can't tell a guy to stop, because I would have told All-Star over him to stop. | ||
| You know, when do you draw the line? | ||
| Is it 5 KOs? | ||
| Is it 4 KOs? | ||
| You know? | ||
| I think Peter Ertz has been stopped some crazy amount of times, like 14 times over the course of his career, just something nutty like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam! | |
| Think about that, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What if they find out, because jujitsu is fairly new, what if they find out that if you get choked out unconscious, like from a rear naked choke or a darts or something, like 20, 25 times, that you're susceptible to get Lou Gehrig's disease just from getting shut off like that? | ||
| Yeah, who knows? | ||
| Well, I would say that they know that you can be deprived of blood to the brain for a certain amount of time before there's damage set in. | ||
| But how do they know that? | ||
| I mean, they know that people have gotten damaged because they had blood shut off to their brain for X amount of seconds, or is it a minute? | ||
| I mean, what is the amount of time where you start getting brain damage? | ||
| Remember when we talked about this once, where you were saying, like, if you really hated somebody, you'd choke them out, but not to kill them, just hold on for 90 seconds and make them retarded? | ||
| That's a character I wanted to develop, man. | ||
| A guy who's like a Dexter. | ||
| He just kills people, but he doesn't kill them. | ||
| He just chokes them out just for 58 seconds just to turn them into a vegetable. | ||
| So he doesn't go down for murder. | ||
| No one knows how this person became a vegetable. | ||
| Make it a romantic comedy. | ||
| And then, like, one dude... | ||
| And the conflict is... | ||
| After he chokes a girl, he becomes a lover. | ||
| He does it for money. | ||
| He's just, like, the secret assassin. | ||
| He's not killing anybody. | ||
| He's just turning your enemies into... | ||
| Like, you pay them. | ||
| And then one guy, he didn't choke long enough, and the guy can kind of talk, and he's trying to bust him out, so he has to figure out how to fucking get near him again to choke him out. | ||
| And the guy's like... | ||
| He's, like, pointing at it. | ||
| He's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta put this motherfucker in an arm triangle one more time. | |
| But, um... | ||
| So, that missile thing, a lot of people don't know this, but there was a missile that was fired last night off of the coast of California, like Malibu area. | ||
| I heard it on Carson's radio show this morning, and he said that's where he lives. | ||
| He didn't see anything. | ||
| Who's radio show? | ||
| Carson Daly. | ||
| Carson Daly has a radio show? | ||
| Yeah, on K-Rock, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He does? | |
| Yeah, in the morning. | ||
| K-Rock is Kevin and Bean. | ||
| Is he on after that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Maybe after. | ||
| But he was saying that he didn't see anything, so he had all these callers call in, and then it was like two hours later, everyone said they saw something, but not with the time that everyone else is saying. | ||
| Well, they have pictures of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was one before that happened. | ||
| I remember I was driving, I was in Hollywood, and the sky was like, it was just turning dusk. | ||
| So it was kind of like half dark, half light. | ||
| And they launched a rocket, and you could really see whatever this thing was, this missile. | ||
| You could really see the contrail behind it and everything. | ||
| It was pretty dramatic. | ||
| And then they had to tell people that they do these things at night and that this one was from Edwards Air Force Base, I guess. | ||
| And they shot it at night, but it was just not dark enough. | ||
| They miscalculated the time so people get to see it. | ||
| So it's like, what do you mean they just shoot shit up in the air? | ||
| Did they do this all the time? | ||
| Yeah, my friend that's in the Navy says that they shoot missiles all the time. | ||
| Where do they go? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'd probably aim them to the water. | ||
| They just shoot dead missiles? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine if you were in a fucking rowboat and nobody knew you were out there and you got hit in the head by a missile. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Just a random... | ||
| I mean, people have been shot by people shooting up in the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And the bullet goes up in the air and then it lands on people. | ||
| That's happened a bunch of times. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Could you imagine if you got hit in the head by a fucking missile while you're fishing? | ||
| I wonder what Alex Jones is saying about this missile thing, or if he even knows about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he'll... | |
| What would he say? | ||
| How would he say it? | ||
| Basically, the New World Order, the elites. | ||
| I've got to move my phone. | ||
| The New World Order, the elites. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What the fuck would he say? | ||
| He would say something stupid. | ||
| It was Obama. | ||
| Yeah, he would say something about life extension. | ||
| We had a crazy experience in Texas with Alex Jones, with Joey Diaz. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Joe Diaz lit the Alex Jones show on fire. | ||
| He went off. | ||
| Alex Jones fucked up, and this is where he fucked up. | ||
| He had Joey come on, and it was his idea to bring Joey into the room. | ||
| He's talking to me about, what about chemtrails? | ||
| What's going on with the environment? | ||
| What about, they're going to kill the dollar? | ||
| So he's got all this stuff that he's bringing up with me, and then Joey's outside. | ||
| And we're just talking kind of like straight, real conspiracy theory, Alex Jones-style. | ||
| But he brings Joey in, and we were at the end of the show. | ||
| So he goes, well, we're going to go into overdrive right now, and we're going to overdrive. | ||
| Super-secret overdrive. | ||
| It's a lot on the internet. | ||
| But, you know, you can swear. | ||
| It's alright. | ||
| It's not FCC. But try not to swear. | ||
| So he fucked up. | ||
| He gave the green light to Joey. | ||
| He let Joey know that Joey can just go off. | ||
| And so Joey starts going off. | ||
| First of all, he's going off about Cuba, about how this is a free country. | ||
| Well, when it really went awry was when he started talking about smuggling drugs. | ||
| He goes, I got here on the plane. | ||
| I had the sack under my ball sack. | ||
| I put the sack of weed under my... | ||
| I was stinking like a motherfucker! | ||
| And he's going, no, no! | ||
| You know, Alex Jones is going, no, you didn't. | ||
| He goes, no, I did. | ||
| It was under my left ball. | ||
| My left ball is bigger than my right ball because I'm right-handed. | ||
| I thought I had cancer for a while. | ||
| And he just goes deep, Joey Diaz. | ||
| And as Alex Jones is going, whoa, no, no, that didn't happen, no. | ||
| He goes, it did happen, cocksucker! | ||
| Obama, freedom of speech! | ||
| So he's going fucking crazy. | ||
| And Alex Jones can't figure out what to do. | ||
| And I'm laughing my balls off. | ||
| So as I'm laughing, you know Joey. | ||
| If he's got an audience and that audience is laughing, Joey knows how to finish the deal. | ||
| It rages. | ||
| He gets red. | ||
| He starts getting sweaty. | ||
| He knows how to finish the deal. | ||
| So he's going off about how stinky this weed is under his ball sack. | ||
| And then he'd go through the x-ray machine. | ||
| And he thought he was going to have to get arrested. | ||
| And then the more Alex Jones protests, the crazier it got. | ||
| So Joey finally, you know, Joey stands up. | ||
| He always likes to stand up when he's going to end something and walk away. | ||
| He's in a fury, a frenzy. | ||
| He goes, Joe Diaz, Facebook, Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He stands up and he goes, check yourself before you wreck yourself. | |
| Big dicks in your ass is bad for your health. | ||
| Stay black because that's the most important thing. | ||
| Stay black. | ||
| And the whole time he's screaming into the microphone to make it worse. | ||
| You know, he's just like, take this! | ||
| He's grabbing the microphone with his big paws and screaming into it. | ||
| The best part is when he first walked into, like, Alex Jones' studio is set up where the camera's facing him, like, directly. | ||
| And he... | ||
| Joey just stands right in front of it and leans down on one knee right in front of the camera. | ||
| So if you look at the video, if you can find the video anywhere, it's just Alex and then this big head blocking his view. | ||
| And then it's the cameraman all scrambling for new shots and it's all Joey Diaz's head covering everyone's faces. | ||
| Joey Diaz. | ||
| He's a fucking national treasure, man. | ||
| You realize in moments like this, I mean, I'm giving it no justice here describing it. | ||
| I'm trying to describe it right. | ||
| You've got to see it. | ||
| We're going to have it up in a video. | ||
| It's available online. | ||
| You can see the whole thing, but we're going to edit it and put together the right parts and a whole video of the whole Austin trip. | ||
| Austin was and always is the shit. | ||
| Every time I go there to film, it seems like magic happens. | ||
| That is one of the best cities in the fucking state. | ||
| It's a One of the best cities in the world, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Well, it is one of the best cities in the state. | ||
| It's also one of the best cities in the country. | ||
| And if this is the best country in the world, then that's one of the best cities in the world. | ||
| I just fucked that whole thing up. | ||
| Dude, not only is the food amazing, everywhere you go, the food is fucking amazing. | ||
| Everywhere you go, the women are beautiful and awesome and nice and love to party and hang out. | ||
| People are friendly there, man. | ||
| It's a friendly place. | ||
| There's a few spots like that in this country, man, where people are friendlier. | ||
| That's one of the best ones. | ||
| Austin, Texas is one of the best ones. | ||
| Great music. | ||
| One of the smartest ones, too. | ||
| There's just so many smart, cool, interesting people there. | ||
| It's a fun fucking place to do. | ||
| Worst highways ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The GPS just queefs when it tries to find the exit. | |
| Well, for some reason, they decided instead of making their highways wider, they decided to stack them on top of each other. | ||
| It's like the logic behind it is so strange. | ||
| And if you miss an exit, it's so impossible. | ||
| You have to round about it. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| You're fucked because almost every exit becomes a new highway in another direction. | ||
| You're like, where's this one going? | ||
| It's death. | ||
| It's death. | ||
| If you miss a spot, you're fucked. | ||
| But other than that, it's the shit. | ||
| Jessica was here. | ||
| The first clip that we got that's classic from Austin was the clam thing with Ari. | ||
| They painted that whole green room, too. | ||
| They redid that whole place. | ||
| That was sad. | ||
| The green room in the Austin Cap City Comedy Club used to be covered with graffiti, and now it's just all painted. | ||
| And it was like famous comics. | ||
| You know, some comics are dead. | ||
| Yeah, like I think Mitch Hedberg was on there and stuff. | ||
| And they just decided to paint this green over it. | ||
| Yeah, I asked him, like, what happened? | ||
| Bird King, buy you guys out? | ||
| Like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Yeah, it felt like Ikea or something like that. | ||
| Why would they do that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That was the biggest fail ever. | ||
| Somebody should take a picture of that green room and just call it fail. | ||
| What someone should do is find photos of it all online and make wallpaper of it and then glue it back on the exact spot. | ||
| I have a lot of it. | ||
| I've taken most of it. | ||
| What you should do is enlarge everything up high resolution like with some fucking Gene Hackman movie type technology where they can take a big picture and actually make it look good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe we'll wait until it's LCD wallpaper and I'll just email them the photos. | ||
| Nah, you're talking, bitch. | ||
| Yeah, how could they do that, man? | ||
| That place and the Atlanta Punchline, that's another one. | ||
| The Atlanta Punchline, the green room, is just covered with... | ||
| One of my favorite ones is Stop Trying to Be Hicks. | ||
| Somebody had that as their avatar photo on the Rogan board for a while. | ||
| The best one was in the Austin one was always my favorite. | ||
| And that's one thing I always think is pee on the toilet seat. | ||
| Maybe it will keep women out of comedy. | ||
| No, keep the toilet seat up. | ||
| Maybe it will keep women out of comedy. | ||
| I was taking my own life and mixing it in. | ||
| Dude, I'm not a person that lifts the toilet seat and pees. | ||
| I'm one of those guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I pee through it? | |
| I pee through it because I grew up with my mom and my sister and I just wash it every time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You piss all over the toilet seat and then you just wash it? | ||
| No, my aim is amazing. | ||
| But once in a while, you get that one little teeny drop. | ||
| So once in a while, someone has to sit in your piss. | ||
| No, because then I always clean it with water and toilet paper. | ||
| What about soap? | ||
| Yeah, was that enough? | ||
| If someone pissed on your fork and then cleaned it with water and toilet paper, would you eat it off of it? | ||
| Joe, you drink pee. | ||
| I don't think I have to worry about your little butt having a little drop of pee on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's his pee. | |
| I don't do it every day, and it's not mine. | ||
| It's his pee. | ||
| It's a big difference between if I said, you know, if I drank pee for a stunt on a radio show or if I pissed in your mouth. | ||
| These are two totally different things, right? | ||
| Well, it's like the old thing, like we used to always talk about, do you stand wiping up or do you sit down and go through the legs? | ||
| Me and Joe are both standers. | ||
| Are you a stander? | ||
| Fuck yeah, I stand. | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| Get in there. | ||
| I wipe and then I jump in the shower. | ||
| I just wipe once. | ||
| You shower every time? | ||
| Every time. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You shower every time you shit? | ||
| Unless I'm like at a public restroom, but my shit's consistent in the morning. | ||
| When I wake up 10 o'clock... | ||
| I'm ready to go. | ||
| I have a bidet. | ||
| I never even used that thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have a bidet? | |
| Oh, Chris from Fleshlight. | ||
| Did he tell you about the bidet? | ||
| He has a bidet that has like a laser that finds your asshole, then shoots water at your asshole at the same temperature of your skin, and then it comes out with another laser that shoots and finds the hair dry, and it dries your asshole. | ||
| Yeah, well, I heard about it in Japan. | ||
| They have these. | ||
| They're toilet seats. | ||
| It's not a bidet. | ||
| It's actually a whole system. | ||
| Yeah, Murray Smith. | ||
| Maurice called me up and Maurice Smith called me up and said, Joseph, this is a great business opportunity, okay? | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| He starts telling me about toilet seats. | ||
| I tell you what, it's not a bad idea because that's one technology that has not changed since I was a kid, you were a kid. | ||
| It's the same. | ||
| Wow, you got a cushion. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| They perfected that shit. | ||
| Yeah, but no one's going to buy them. | ||
| It's hard to get people. | ||
| If it was $300, I would buy it. | ||
| $300? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's probably a lot more than that, though. | ||
| It probably really is. | ||
| Man, it lasers your asshole. | ||
| Man, that shit's got to cost like $7,000. | ||
| Cheeks and shit probably use that, you know what I mean? | ||
| It blow dries you. | ||
| Dude, it has a laser? | ||
| If it was $500 installed, I would buy it. | ||
| No way. | ||
| $500, you would. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The ones that are $500 are going to miss your asshole. | ||
| It's going to get your butt cheek. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| They're going to hurt. | ||
| They're going to hurt your butt. | ||
| It's going to be pounding in there. | ||
| It's going to splatter all the shit around your balls. | ||
| Throw some heat warmers on that. | ||
| I would do $600. | ||
| They have warmers, too. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| They're heated. | ||
| They're heated seats. | ||
| So you sit down. | ||
| It's all warm and comfy. | ||
| Put Bluetooth on it. | ||
| $700. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bluetooth? | |
| So do you have calls from there? | ||
| Yeah, a call from your toilet. | ||
| Can you imagine how it's speakers behind you? | ||
| Like really nice Bose speakers. | ||
| You're just sitting there talking while on the toilet. | ||
| But then someone, they hear the echo and they get mad at you. | ||
| Are you shitting and talking to me? | ||
| I told you to disconnect the Bluetooth on the toilet. | ||
| It'll have like a jawbone. | ||
| It'll have a second microphone that's like outside and it'll mix the two. | ||
| You ever talk to somebody that gets upset at you when you're talking to them when you're taking a shit? | ||
| No, they never figure it out. | ||
| I've told people before when they get upset. | ||
| I've told people, are you peeing? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, I'm peeing. | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| I can hear you. | ||
| Are we pretending we don't pee? | ||
| Peeing ain't a big deal, but if you're on the phone and you shit and your ass explodes like one of those nuclear shits, you know what I mean? | ||
| Where you gotta clean the toilet. | ||
| There's only a few people I can do that with. | ||
| You don't usually want to do that when someone's on the phone. | ||
| Unless it's your buddy. | ||
| But if it's a girl or something. | ||
| Not for a business meeting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I have FaceTime with Ari while shitting. | ||
| Sometimes I fart when I'm on the phone and I'm like, ooh, I hope they didn't hear that one. | ||
| I gotta pull a butt apart. | ||
| There was one time when Ari called me by FaceTime and he was shitting. | ||
| So I was like, you know what? | ||
| I have to poop too. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| FaceTime double shit. | ||
| I haven't used the FaceTime yet. | ||
| Do you guys like it? | ||
| Oh, it's great. | ||
| Now they have a beta on your Mac so you can FaceTime from a computer to iPhone. | ||
| So if somebody's at home, you'd be like, jump on your computer. | ||
| So now you can FaceTime between those two devices. | ||
| When is that really necessary? | ||
| It's like your girlfriend and she's on the other side of the world or something. | ||
| Well, yeah, you know, we're all on the road. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're kids. | |
| That's about it. | ||
| There's that. | ||
| Yeah, like your buddies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude! | |
| Dude, get on FaceTime, bro. | ||
| Who's gonna fucking do that? | ||
| Well, we talked about this before, that eventually we're gonna have little cameras in front of us on, like, fishing poles, you know, that are hanging from our hats. | ||
| It's probably gonna be just, like, fishing poles. | ||
| It's probably gonna be, like, hovering. | ||
| Yeah, it'll be floating with you, right? | ||
| It'll be a proximity droid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're gonna miss the best technology with the oldest technology. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Fishing poles? | ||
| You don't feel the need for it, but that's what I used to say about text messages. | ||
| Remember I used to joke about it takes you four presses to get an S? It was like a part of my act. | ||
| Remember the whole thing about Nextel? | ||
| They don't have walkie-talkies anymore, do they? | ||
| They still do that? | ||
| Yeah, I think they all do. | ||
| In Brazil, Nextel is like fucking Burger King there, dude. | ||
| They run shit. | ||
| They failed in the States. | ||
| They said, fuck it, we still got Brazil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Brazil? | ||
| Dude, Nextel is huge in Brazil. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yep. | ||
| They love the walkie-talkie feature. | ||
| It's on Verizon too now. | ||
| It's on all of them. | ||
| You know, there's a funny story. | ||
| There was this dude in front of Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles, and he was on a speakerphone, and he was talking by himself. | ||
| He was just standing there by himself on a speakerphone talking and talking out loud, and you could hear his conversation. | ||
| And so I Twittered. | ||
| I said, what is it about black dudes that like to talk on the speakerphones when they're by themselves? | ||
| Like, what is the deal with that? | ||
| And all these fucking people got mad at me. | ||
| A lot of black people got mad at me. | ||
| Yo, that's dickish. | ||
| That was dickish. | ||
| I go, what the? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa. | |
| I didn't say shit about you, okay? | ||
| I said, what is it with all these black people that like to talk on speaker phones? | ||
| Just because you're black, and if you're doing that, I'm not dickish. | ||
| I'm just observing. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's a weird thing that I don't see that many white people doing, but I see a lot of black people doing. | ||
| And it's not a negative thing. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking douchey things that white people do too, but I'm not being racist here. | ||
| I'm observing something. | ||
| Are you saying that I'm not allowed to observe because you share the same melanin content as this person I'm observing? | ||
| And even though you're not even doing the same things they're doing? | ||
| That's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| We're real close with racism in this country, man. | ||
| We're real close to being ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, well, it is ridiculous. | ||
| The whole thing is ridiculous. | ||
| Especially the whole anger between feeling like you have to fight somebody because of their race. | ||
| There's people beating up different races just because of what Yeah, there's that. | ||
| I mean, that's legit racism. | ||
| What I'm talking about is the opposite. | ||
| I'm talking about people looking to point the finger at racism when you're really just acknowledging something that's a fact. | ||
| I'm just seeing something. | ||
| I'm like, the fact that I said that they happen to be black? | ||
| Yeah, well, they do happen to be black. | ||
| So why do they do this? | ||
| Why do these brothers be doing that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They just do it. | ||
| I don't know why they do it, but they do it. | ||
| Oh, you didn't get an answer? | ||
| No, no one has an answer. | ||
| No, but most people are saying they're attention whores, you know, and that's what, you know, I guess one of the reasons why people are getting mad at me is I was saying that black people are attention whores, which is not what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm saying I see a lot of black people that like to talk on their speakerphone when they're by themselves. | ||
| I don't see white people doing it. | ||
| It doesn't mean they're not doing it, but I'm asking. | ||
| It's like something I see. | ||
| Am I not allowed to see things because people are black? | ||
| Like, that's a tricky fucking road to walk down. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Maybe it's because they don't want to get brain cancer, and they're just, you know, more concerned about it than white people, dude. | ||
| I know somebody that does that, though. | ||
| I know somebody that only talks using the speakerphone function for some reason. | ||
| Yeah, but not in public, outside. | ||
| No, they do it at Olive Garden. | ||
| Who is it? | ||
| Are they white? | ||
| Esther does that? | ||
| Oh! | ||
| She's black. | ||
| Or at least she likes black dick, for sure. | ||
| Why does she do that? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| She records every single phone call between her and her parents, too, because her parents are so ridiculous. | ||
| But she's just really weird with her phone and phone calls. | ||
| That's funny, man. | ||
| Sorry about that. | ||
| I think it's cool. | ||
| I think it's cool. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| No. | ||
| Just trying to help you out. | ||
| Yeah, it's a tricky thing, man. | ||
| There was a white girl at the airport who was talking her ass off. | ||
| Like, just really fucking loud, waiting to get on a plane. | ||
| And it was kind of annoying. | ||
| It's fucking annoying as shit, man. | ||
| You can have a normal conversation. | ||
| Just put that fucking thing up to your ear. | ||
| I usually cover my mouth with my hand. | ||
| I don't want people listening to my shit. | ||
| There's a big difference between someone sitting there going, Hey, yeah, what's up? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| And someone going, Yo, what's up? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then what happens? | ||
| And then the other person on the other hand. | ||
| I'm thinking we're going to come down there. | ||
| Alright, cool, cool. | ||
| Why do I have to listen to your shit, man? | ||
| This is loud. | ||
| Maybe she just does it around me. | ||
| Now I'm kind of paranoid that I said that. | ||
| You think she does it by herself? | ||
| Maybe, I don't know. | ||
| She does it around me a lot. | ||
| Maybe it's a security thing where she wants to do, like, hey, I'm talking to this person. | ||
| A guy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm not hiding. | ||
| Maybe it's just around me. | ||
| Wow, she's being respectful. | ||
| I hope you don't fucking start a trend. | ||
| She's being respectful. | ||
| Yeah, but I should start doing it around her, I guess. | ||
| Yeah, it can't be that though. | ||
| It can't be that. | ||
| Because if it was... | ||
| No way. | ||
| We got a tricky thing in this world about people being too fucking sensitive. | ||
| There's a lot of too fucking sensitive people that can't take a joke. | ||
| Or even take a conversation. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| Michelle Obama, Obama's wife, is apparently the center of controversy because she shook a dude's hand. | ||
| She's in Indonesia, and there's a Muslim dude there, and they were saying hello, you know, they're meeting some dignitaries, and she shook his hand. | ||
| It's like all over the news. | ||
| That's so retarded. | ||
| All over the news. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| She was being nice to somebody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Jesus people? | |
| Oh, yeah, the Muslims. | ||
| They're losing their fucking marbles. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| Oh, the Muslims are losing their marbles. | ||
| Yes, very upset. | ||
| I think I pulled it up. | ||
| But anyway, the fucking story is, it's very simple. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Michelle Obama shakes hands with Indonesian information minister. | ||
| Whoa, try saying this dude's name. | ||
| Durka Durka? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tifatusemburing. | |
| As Obama arrived in Jakarta on Indonesia... | ||
| Apparently a conservative Muslim minister in Indonesia who is being criticized for shaking hands with Michelle Obama, thus violating his pious claim that he avoids contact with women not related to him. | ||
| As you're supposed to do in some sex of Islam. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| 2010, dude. | ||
| This is in the news. | ||
| Some woman shook a dude's hand. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| He just wanted to get something that's touched Obama's dick. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah, he wanted a connection. | ||
| Like a Kevin Bacon connection to Obama's dick. | ||
| That is what you get if you shake her hand, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get it all. | ||
| You get it all. | ||
| Get the whole package. | ||
| What if she became president one day? | ||
| Michelle Obama. | ||
| That would be fucking awesome. | ||
| Get a chick in there, and she's black. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| That is beautiful. | ||
| If she could be running shit, if she was an exceptional person to run shit, I'd be down. | ||
| You know, the thing about chicks running shit is that they have to be... | ||
| Really good at running shit. | ||
| They can't just be hot. | ||
| That's the problem with this fucking Sarah Palin thing. | ||
| There's all these faggots out there that think that she's good enough to be president because they want to fuck her. | ||
| I was talking about this on stage. | ||
| They think that life is like a fucking Kevin Bacon movie where you're the last vote that counts. | ||
| And then she finds out that you're the one who got her elected president, so she comes to meet you in an unlikely romance blossoms. | ||
| There's a lot of idiots that are willing to vote for Palin because they really do think she's hot. | ||
| But I mean, look, if you can get some genius, brilliant woman to be running shit, I'd be just as down with that. | ||
| But a dumb bitch? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| She's never going to become president. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Palin? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| I wouldn't say never, dude, because I would have never believed she would have the following that she has. | ||
| But everyone knows, everyone that has had a TV for the last year and a half, two years, have seen every single skit with her. | ||
| And even if you like her, you have that in the back of your mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Only you do. | ||
| You're not retarded. | ||
| See, dude, 50 plus percent of this country is almost retarded. | ||
| There's a giant number of people that are so fucking dumb that there could be some other issue. | ||
| Look, how about this Jan Brewer chick? | ||
| Do you know who she is? | ||
| She's the woman who was made governor of Arizona because the original governor left and went to... | ||
| What is her name? | ||
| I forgot. | ||
| Went to the Obama campaign. | ||
| Anyway, the point is this Jan Brewer woman is nuts. | ||
| She's nuts and old and can't fucking talk. | ||
| And she goes on these debates and she paused. | ||
| She went on a debate. | ||
| She's debating with this other guy who's running for governor. | ||
| She paused for 10 seconds. | ||
| Said nothing. | ||
| Just was stammering and not knowing what to do and moving her hands and shit. | ||
| She had a full brain lock. | ||
| This bitch lied about there being dead bodies on the Mexican border with their heads chopped off. | ||
| And then everybody went, well, where are the bodies? | ||
| Where's the autopsy reports? | ||
| Where's the police reports? | ||
| And it turns out it was all just horse shit. | ||
| She lied about her fucking father dying in World War II. Wow. | ||
| She said, my father died defending him. | ||
| No, she didn't. | ||
| He didn't die in World War II. She made it up. | ||
| He died during World War II. No! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He didn't even. | |
| He's still alive! | ||
| Oh, that's ridiculous. | ||
| That was the guy who was alive until recently? | ||
| Oh, he's still alive. | ||
| He's either still alive or alive until recently. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe his soul, a piece of his soul died during World War II. She's just a dumb cunt, more likely. | |
| Now, she won! | ||
| And you know why she won? | ||
| Because she supports this crazy new immigration law. | ||
| She wants to keep all the Mexicans out of Arizona. | ||
| Hey, that's why I draw the line. | ||
| And most of Arizona is white people. | ||
| Most of Arizona is crazy old white people. | ||
| And they're like, you know... | ||
| Fuck that, man. | ||
| Arizona is a nutty place, man. | ||
| We have a good time there because people like to party and the shows are always fun there. | ||
| People are always looking for fun stuff to do. | ||
| But if you look at Arizona as a state, it's kind of a wonky fucking state, man. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| You're allowed to just have guns there, dude. | ||
| You could just be walking around with a gun in your pocket. | ||
| You have to with all the Mexicans. | ||
| They got guns. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, Eddie Bravo is Mexican. | ||
| So before you start fucking firing up your pen and getting crazy with your hate mail and firing up your Twitter account. | ||
| Yes, it's totally okay. | ||
| I could fucking make fun of burritos all day. | ||
| Do you have anybody that you're following on Twitter that you're following just because they're dumb? | ||
| That you can talk about? | ||
| No, not that I could talk. | ||
| Oh, well, you know, no. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be nice, right? | ||
| Shit. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like... | ||
| Ridiculously dumb tweets or funny tweets. | ||
| In-between shit, I'm not into. | ||
| When dudes just tweet motivational shit that they've heard. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Enough of that shit. | ||
| I love motivational ones. | ||
| I love dudes who are older who give advice. | ||
| Steve Harvey is my current favorite. | ||
| Check this shit out. | ||
| This is a tweet. | ||
| I save him. | ||
| I save his tweets. | ||
| Your relationship with a man is either off or on. | ||
| It cannot be off and on. | ||
| Ladies, you have the power. | ||
| Stop allowing the back and forth. | ||
| Damn, he's like a black Dr. Phil. | ||
| Well, first of all, how do you know that the chick isn't just looking to get some dick, alright? | ||
| Yeah, it's off and on. | ||
| People are crazy, man, and they can always work out. | ||
| It's a trick. | ||
| He's trying to get bitches. | ||
| He's trying to get them to like them. | ||
| Appear sensitive, right? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Here's another one. | ||
| Good morning. | ||
| God will perform the unexpected time and time again if you just let him. | ||
| Talk to God. | ||
| Don't be too proud to pray. | ||
| How many followers does he have? | ||
| I got prayed right after I heard that. | ||
| How many followers does he have? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's got a lot. | ||
| Steve Harvey's a famous guy. | ||
| I bet he's got... | ||
| 100,000? | ||
| Probably something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just hit 200,000. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Congratulations. | |
| Thank you very much. | ||
| That means something to me. | ||
| How many a day do you get normally at adders? | ||
| A few hundred. | ||
| A few hundred? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I like how it continues. | ||
| Once you get to a certain point, you notice that you get an average of a certain amount per day. | ||
| I only have 16,000. | ||
| I treat it like a little platform. | ||
| Like Farmville? | ||
| Like a little comedy world. | ||
| It's your Farmville. | ||
| There's a lot of times where I get on there and I just promote gigs. | ||
| A lot of times I find cool shit that I find online, like that Italian song, where that American guy, or that Italian guy was speaking, he was singing in an American accent. | ||
| It was like gibberish. | ||
| It wasn't real American words. | ||
| Sim talk. | ||
| But what he thought... | ||
| Can you find that? | ||
| Here, this is what it is. | ||
| I would love to hear that. | ||
| Someone making fun of an American accent but not really using words? | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| Yeah, it's really interesting. | ||
| And it's kind of a cool song. | ||
| And if you see the video... | ||
| But I'll tweet shit like that or science tweets. | ||
| I was going to tweet something today. | ||
| They fired up the Large Hadron Collider and made thousands of little big bangs. | ||
| They've started doing that, man. | ||
| That's become a reality. | ||
| They're really doing it now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| So they have all these photos at the CERN lab. | ||
| It's fascinating, fascinating fucking shit, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, so there's that I do. | ||
| And then I also, like, I treat it like it's a little audience. | ||
| You know, I think you got to give people things, man. | ||
| When you're looking to promote gigs and use the internet and shit like this, you know, you can't just promote. | ||
| You got to give them some shit, too. | ||
| So, like, the other day I was watching Ancient Aliens. | ||
| I spent, like, a whole hour just tweeting, talking shit on Ancient Aliens. | ||
| Yeah, the new season is so bad. | ||
| Well, the first season was incredible. | ||
| The first season's awesome. | ||
| They ran out of shit to talk about. | ||
| They're trying to, you know... | ||
| It was crazy, all the shit they were saying, but if you look at it this way, if you don't believe in UFOs, then that sounds ridiculous. | ||
| But if you do believe, if you watch the Disclosure Project and you listen to all of Philip Corso's testimony, the guy who used to work for the... | ||
| He used to be in the Pentagon and fucking head of nuclear energy in Europe and all that shit. | ||
| When you hear his confessions and... | ||
| Like the deathbed confession of General Ramey. | ||
| If you believe in UFOs, then fucking anything is possible. | ||
| Then that means they must have been here several times at least. | ||
| And if they were around during the Greek time, they must have tripped out on them. | ||
| That must have been big news, like these motherfuckers. | ||
| And they must have talked... | ||
| I drew about it, painted about it, talked about it, wrote some scripture about it or something. | ||
| It's not that far-fetched, but they were coming to some ridiculous conclusions about the paintings in India that maybe this was an alien. | ||
| Well, the Mahabharata, that's a fascinating text. | ||
| The ancient text of ancient Hinduism is riddled with stories of flying things and things that flew through the air. | ||
| But you also have to realize that these people took a lot of drugs. | ||
| These people were into heavy psychedelic drugs. | ||
| I mean, mana to the… You know, in the ancient Hindu texts, they believe it's some sort of a combination of psilocybin mushrooms and a bunch of other different things. | ||
| There's a bunch of debate about what mana is. | ||
| But it's very clear that they were referencing something that connected them to the psychedelic world. | ||
| And if it was something that connected them to the psychedelic world, you know, and I know, you're going to see some shit. | ||
| It doesn't mean that the shit you're seeing is not real. | ||
| You know, when you see... | ||
| Like, when people think of hallucinations... | ||
| Like you think of, oh, you took a drug and you saw a monkey that wasn't really there and he, you know, you think of something fake. | ||
| But what you see a lot of times when you take psychedelic drugs is not like the rest of the world and then all of a sudden some new fake thing shows up. | ||
| It shows you like a whole new world. | ||
| It shows you like a whole... | ||
| It's a hallucination world, which may or may not be real. | ||
| What might be happening when you take big doses of any crazy drug is you might be tuning in to the next door neighbor channel. | ||
| The whole world might be a fucking radio of a million different channels and we might be on 106.4 and there's a 106.5 and it's right next door and when you take mushrooms you go there. | ||
| So, you know, these guys saying that they saw these flying things and talking about all these majestic beings with all this wisdom, that very easily could have been drugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very easily. | |
| Yeah, it could be both. | ||
| I mean, just because you have a psychedelic experience doesn't mean that... | ||
| I don't know how much I believe, very skeptical about Crafts from another planet that come here that are metal and the traditional idea of just doing a super advanced version of what we already do. | ||
| I look at that and I go, I don't think so. | ||
| This just seems too silly. | ||
| It seems too mechanical. | ||
| A lot of testimony, dude. | ||
| Yeah, but it doesn't matter. | ||
| There's a lot of testimony of people being raped by demons. | ||
| You can go back in time and find thousands of people who've been exercised. | ||
| Yeah, but these people aren't organizing and getting in front of Washington, D.C., and the national press, and they don't have credible witness, like hundreds of them, and Philip Corso, and all these guys that, like, in their deathbed. | ||
| Like, you watch the testimonies, like, do you think these guys are lying? | ||
| Right, okay. | ||
| Well, you know, that's true, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are telling the truth. | ||
| It might mean they're wrong. | ||
| It might mean that there's some crazy government experiments that they're not aware of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| I believe in that. | ||
| I believe there's definitely a lot of the shit, maybe most of the shit that people see and report are our own government-making shit. | ||
| But if you listen to Philip Corso's testimony, he's saying, yes, a lot of that shit is our shit. | ||
| Did Philip Corso say that he saw things himself personally? | ||
| Yes, he did. | ||
| What did he say he saw? | ||
| He was part of Roswell, right? | ||
| He wasn't at Roswell, but he was involved in the shipping of stuff. | ||
| He said he saw the bodies. | ||
| He said that he was in charge. | ||
| Physically saw them or saw the coffins? | ||
| No, no, he saw them. | ||
| He said he opened the coffins, saw them, and said, oh shit. | ||
| And he knew so much that he was in charge of taking crashed UFO shit and taking it to, this is what he said, taking it to like Hughes Aircraft and McDonnell Douglas, getting reverse engineering shit going. | ||
| Well, the fascinating story about Roswell, and everybody thinks that Roswell is a silly, stupid story, and no one knows exactly what happened. | ||
| It could have been some sort of a Soviet craft that crashed. | ||
| But the fascinating part is that they flew the wreckage in two separate planes. | ||
| Because they wanted to make sure if one plane crashed, they had a good chance that the other plane would make it to Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. | ||
| They made sure they separated the wreckage. | ||
| There's just so much evidence. | ||
| Even today with the Shanghai airport in China. | ||
| Closed down twice within a few months because there was some shit right over the airport. | ||
| They didn't know what it was. | ||
| They shut everything down. | ||
| I mean, just shit like that all over the world. | ||
| I mean, there actually is evidence. | ||
| I mean, people are put away for life with no video, no pictures of the crime, just testimony. | ||
| Man, they're just listening to testimony and putting people away for multiple life sentences. | ||
| When you put all All the evidence together. | ||
| Just look up Philip Corso with a C. There's hours and hours of him just talking about it. | ||
| He wrote a book about it before he was an old motherfucker. | ||
| He was on Dateline and shit. | ||
| I think an even more compelling one is Dr. J. Allen Hynek. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| He was working on Project Blue Book, and he was assigned to discredit UFO stories. | ||
| What his job was, as he explained it, was when he would hear about something, he would come up with a reason that it was something else. | ||
| Swamp gas. | ||
| Yeah, swamp gas, circular ball lightning, all this different shit. | ||
| He was hired for that by the government, like in the 50s and 60s. | ||
| And then, when Project Blue Book shut down, he dedicated his entire life to investigating UFOs and enlightening people on it. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And he talks about it. | ||
| I mean, there's interviews where he's like, I was... | ||
| And then there's like a new theory now. | ||
| The new theory is that the government wants everyone to believe in UFOs to keep their projects under wrap, like their black projects under wrap. | ||
| I'm like, what was this Project Blue Book? | ||
| And all this stuff where they were saying that it was swamp gas. | ||
| They were trying to calm everybody down. | ||
| Why were they lying? | ||
| I mean, they would have just said, yeah, you know what? | ||
| We don't know what it is. | ||
| It's probably from... | ||
| Another galaxy, but we don't know, but we assure you we're going to do whatever it takes to protect you. | ||
| If they really wanted people to believe in UFOs, they would be saying that shit, not covering it up. | ||
| So, I mean, if you look at the Philip Corso testimony, look at the disclosure project. | ||
| There's already been at least two of them. | ||
| I mean, there's so much... | ||
| And, like, the top scientists of Europe all got together. | ||
| I forget what the committees call it, like international groups. | ||
| They came together in France, And they looked at all the UFO testimony and all the shit, and they said, 15%, it's probably beings from another galaxy or another solar system. | ||
| That's what they said. | ||
| All of them could have been explained away, but the 15%, they said, hmm... | ||
| That's a weird conclusion though. | ||
| Why would they not conclude that it was something from this earth that we haven't discovered yet? | ||
| Especially when you look at the ocean. | ||
| Well, that's what they concluded. | ||
| They concluded that all the other shit, 85% of all the shit they looked, that could be man-made, that could be this, this is probably some reflection of the sun. | ||
| 15% they said it's most likely... | ||
| Because based on the pictures and the way that... | ||
| They got some shit from like satellite pictures of craft coming from the top down that they couldn't explain. | ||
| They're like, man, what the fuck is... | ||
| Moving... | ||
| You know, there's so much shit. | ||
| I've seen some weird shit of things moving and then changing angles and changing direction and moving another way. | ||
| The big incident that happened at the U.S. military installation in the U.K., when there's 80 motherfuckers that saw this aircraft, three of them came up to it as it was parked. | ||
| They touched it. | ||
| They took notes. | ||
| They're in the disclosure process. | ||
| Three of them went up to it, and 80 of them were all around going, holy shit. | ||
| But that's possible that it was a drone. | ||
| That's possible that it was something from America. | ||
| When they said it took off, it disappeared. | ||
| It was gone. | ||
| If you have a drone, especially if we're talking about different alternative sources of power, we don't know exactly what they think about. | ||
| None of those motherfuckers. | ||
| And it came back. | ||
| They sent a guy to look into it. | ||
| And that guy's in the Disclosure Project, too. | ||
| Like, two days later, they sent the guy to calm everyone down. | ||
| And they came back and they saw it and these guys are all... | ||
| And the military, the UK embassy, the Ministry of Defense, they came up to them and asked them, what are we going to do about this? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| They go, if it doesn't concern national security, we're not getting involved. | ||
| If it doesn't secure... | ||
| And we feel that it doesn't... | ||
| Okay, but here's the problem with this whole story, okay? | ||
| You weren't there, I wasn't there, we're just talking about what we heard people talking about. | ||
| We don't know exactly what went down. | ||
| And until you talk to these people, you don't know how many of them are full of shit, how many of them are exaggerating, how many of them are traumatized... | ||
| That's why I say, based on the shit that you see, if you actually look into it, and then you make the judgment, you're making the judgment, damn! | ||
| If you haven't seen the testimony, then yeah, we don't know what he said. | ||
| What I'm saying is it doesn't matter. | ||
| It's all on testimony. | ||
| When you're basing it on testimony, you don't know anything about these people. | ||
| You never know how much of it you're getting square. | ||
| And this is what they said, too. | ||
| They said the response to the British Ministry of Defense saying, if it doesn't concern national security, we're not going to get involved, then 80 people fucking hallucinated then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they got 80 people that are full of shit. | |
| It means neither. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| It means that 80 people were not aware of what they were looking at. | ||
| That's all it means. | ||
| Military people, they're trained to observe. | ||
| They're in the military. | ||
| It doesn't mean anything. | ||
| If the military people that are in the know, the people that are there at the scene of the crime or the scene of the landing, if they're not aware of the technology that's available to the highest levels of government, they're not aware of whatever experimental shit they're working on, It might as well be from another planet. | ||
| So what are they going to say? | ||
| If they don't know about it... | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Nobody knows. | ||
| Nobody was there. | ||
| But to make a judgment based on the testimony, you can totally not believe it and go, you know what? | ||
| I don't believe these guys. | ||
| Or you could look at it and say, I'm going to look at it with an open mind. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| 80 dudes that are trained observers. | ||
| Three went up to it and touched it. | ||
| They said... | ||
| They're saying it. | ||
| It's out of this fucking world. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| They're saying it. | ||
| That's what they're... | ||
| They're in the military. | ||
| The British Ministry of Defense is fucking not even looking into it at all. | ||
| Dude, I hear you. | ||
| But it's still a bunch of people's testimony about something they saw. | ||
| They might not have known what they were seeing. | ||
| And then you add all the shit around. | ||
| That's just one incident. | ||
| Then you look at all of it. | ||
| You connect all the dots. | ||
| You can make a decision. | ||
| And my decision, Mike, is that there's some shit going on. | ||
| That's how I feel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| My decision is not that at all. | ||
| My decision is that there's a lot of people with a lot of stories, and we know for a fact that there are a fuckload of experimental government aircrafts that they use. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And, you know, all these people are just telling their version of a story, something that they saw. | ||
| I believe that they saw something. | ||
| I do not believe that they know it was from another world. | ||
| So them even saying it was from another world. | ||
| People want shit to be romantic. | ||
| They want shit to be little gray men that come here in spaceships from Palladias, wherever the fuck they're coming from in the galaxy. | ||
| They want that. | ||
| They look for that shit. | ||
| Fall in love. | ||
| That's all true, what you're saying. | ||
| So you don't believe that there's UFOs? | ||
| What is this believe, man? | ||
| You either believe or you don't believe. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| That is not true. | ||
| You do not have to believe that something is real or something's not real. | ||
| You just go, I don't know. | ||
| Because that's the only rational explanation. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| You can't say you believe, because when you believe, you throw everything else out the door. | ||
| You say, well, this is, I believe there are UFOs. | ||
| I believe that aliens have landed here. | ||
| I don't believe that. | ||
| I don't believe we know. | ||
| I don't believe that we're absolutely convinced, and I don't believe... | ||
| So you believe that Philip Corso was a crazy man and he was full of shit? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Adding words to what I'm saying? | ||
| No, I'm not saying that's my 12-year-old. | ||
| Based on what you saw from Philip Corso. | ||
| I believe he's out there sucking cock and taking the ass and he's doing drugs and he didn't even know what he was saying. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Is that better? | ||
| Dude, Philip Corso's just a guy, man. | ||
| I mean, he's a guy that said he saw some bodies, and he's a guy that used to work for the military. | ||
| Is he credible? | ||
| For the Pentagon. | ||
| He was the head of nuclear energy in Europe. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| George Bush was the president, and he's an idiot. | ||
| Does it matter? | ||
| Does it matter, like, how high he got up there? | ||
| It's very clear to me that the entire government is riddled with fucking idiots. | ||
| There's idiots all over the place It was he an idiot. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| He seemed like an interesting guy. | ||
| Did he see some shit? | ||
| I don't know what did he see in those those bodies? | ||
| What were they who the fuck knows? | ||
| They might have been mutants They might have been fucking radiation disasters. | ||
| They might have been little children that had a disease I don't know. | ||
| I don't know how much he saw it. | ||
| I don't know how close he got to it I don't know, you know, what how much information he was really truly pretty you think OJ is guilty you I don't know if OJ's guilty. | ||
| I would assume he is. | ||
| There's a lot of evidence. | ||
| Two dead people, knives, blood in his car. | ||
| It's a little different than some dude who says he saw UFOs and doesn't know what it is. | ||
| So why did they let him free? | ||
| What the fuck are we talking about OJ for, man? | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| Well, we're talking about evidence and testimony and all that stuff. | ||
| That's what we're talking about. | ||
| Well, because the jury system's fucked up. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Because black people thought that it was, one, on their side. | ||
| That they were going to release him, and if it did not fit, you must acquit. | ||
| And they wanted to get back at the Rodney King verdict, and so they released him. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| That's not to do with UFOs. | ||
| Because they're like a couple that broke up that have to live together? | ||
| You have to be careful when you start talking about things that you haven't seen yourself. | ||
| This is just my opinion. | ||
| I'm in the same way with you. | ||
| Even if it was the most evidence ever, unless I knew for a fact, I saw it with my own eyes. | ||
| There's too much bullshit. | ||
| I don't follow anything. | ||
| Why stress out about it? | ||
| There's too much bullshit. | ||
| There's too many people who are full of shit. | ||
| Too many people exaggerate. | ||
| Too many people twist the truth. | ||
| And there's a big business in talking about UFOs. | ||
| And that's another thing to be careful of. | ||
| There's a gigantic business in writing books about this shit and doing lectures and seminars. | ||
| And these guys make a fucking good living traveling the country selling books and talking about UFOs. | ||
| Whenever you involve commerce in a very strange discussion, like the discussion of the potential reality of intelligent life from other planets, whenever you involve money in that, and money in the stories, then it becomes sort of a faction of show business. | ||
| Whitley Strieber is one of the fucking biggest proponents of the alien abduction story and wrote books on it, Communion, and had movies made about it. | ||
| And that guy is a fucking book writer. | ||
| He writes books. | ||
| He makes fiction. | ||
| He makes fiction and he created this whole thing about getting abducted by UFOs and everybody took it as fact. | ||
| Man, who the fuck knows if it's fact? | ||
| You got a guy who's a professional fiction man, and you don't know. | ||
| You don't know what's going on in his head. | ||
| There's no evidence. | ||
| It's like there may be UFOs. | ||
| Absolutely there may be. | ||
| There may be intelligent life from other planets. | ||
| Absolutely there may be. | ||
| But you can't just jump on yes. | ||
| Because you jump on yes. | ||
| Did I just jump on yes? | ||
| You jumped on yes. | ||
| Dude, I didn't jump on yes. | ||
| You know how much research I fucking... | ||
| I'm obsessed with UFOs. | ||
| I didn't just jump on it. | ||
| I listened to a lot of testimonies. | ||
| But I didn't just jump on it. | ||
| You're making it seem like I heard one testimony and then I deleted it. | ||
| I'm saying, look, if you listen to what I said, what I said was that unless you're experiencing it yourself, you don't know exactly what happened. | ||
| When you're talking about people that are talking about crafts that they think were from another world, you don't know where it really came from. | ||
| And that gets very, very tricky. | ||
| And if you choose to believe or not to believe, you're jumping on one side or another. | ||
| If you're saying, I don't think there are UFOs, I think everyone's full of shit, you're jumping on no. | ||
| And if you say, I do believe, I believe they're here, you're jumping on yes. | ||
| Even if there's a lot of what you think is evidence, unless you're seeing it yourself, unless it has been proven, which it clearly hasn't, it's clearly up for debate, even though there's a bunch of people that come forward, whether there's a hundred or a thousand and they have crazy stories about things that move too fast, who the fuck knows what that is? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You don't believe in UFOs? | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Dude, are you kidding? | ||
| You're kidding? | ||
| You're kidding, right? | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| That's not what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm not saying that I don't believe in UFOs. | ||
| You're saying you don't know. | ||
| No one knows. | ||
| None of us know, man. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| When you believe something, it's like, you know, based on the evidence, I believe there's some shit going on with other galaxies. | ||
| It's certainly possible that there's life on other planets. | ||
| It's certainly possible. | ||
| It's also possible that life is a dream. | ||
| It's also possible that your life is imagination and you've made it all up. | ||
| And I'm a figment of your imagination. | ||
| And each player is in your life to provide you with some information and try to help you and move you along in a certain way. | ||
| It's very possible that this life is not even real. | ||
| It's very possible that I'm in your imagination and you're in mine and we self-create. | ||
| There's a lot of different possibilities, man. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| But whether or not there's UFOs because some people that you don't know who you've never met saw some things that you never saw and said they wrote it down and had conferences and discussions about it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| Do you guys like sweet potato fries? | ||
| It's a tricky thing, man. | ||
| We attach ourselves to what we believe in. | ||
| And you, obviously, are getting attached to this idea of UFOs being real because you've spent so much time and invested so much time being fascinated by it. | ||
| I am as well. | ||
| I'm not just fascinated with it. | ||
| I'm fascinated with the testimony and putting it all together. | ||
| I am too. | ||
| You're making it sound like I'm mystically into it. | ||
| No, I'm not, man. | ||
| I'm not making it sound like that. | ||
| I am saying exactly what you're saying. | ||
| But I am fascinated by people, and I know that people are full of shit. | ||
| And I'm not assuming that all these people are pious. | ||
| I'm not assuming that all these people are completely honest and without an ulterior motive and telling exactly as they saw it the truth. | ||
| I'm not seeing that. | ||
| I'm seeing a bunch of believers. | ||
| And that's the problem. | ||
| Even if you saw something fucking completely insane, I don't want you telling me you know what it is. | ||
| I don't want you describing it that way. | ||
| I want you saying, I don't know what it was. | ||
| I want you to say, I think... | ||
| It could have been some sort of a craft that I'm not aware of. | ||
| That's what UFO means, man. | ||
| An identified flying object. | ||
| No, you're not saying UFO. You're saying aliens. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, I'm not saying aliens. | ||
| I'm saying unknown. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And when someone says they know and they start talking about it being from another planet, bitch, do you have, like, some fucking serial numbers you can track back to this planet? | ||
| Like, how do you know where it came from? | ||
| You don't know shit. | ||
| They're just taking a guess. | ||
| They see something in the sky. | ||
| I can't build it. | ||
| It must be from space. | ||
| I mean, it's that simple. | ||
| It's not that simple, man. | ||
| Like, I can't do it. | ||
| It's not that simple. | ||
| It is that simple if you want to claim you know where it came from. | ||
| Man, okay, okay. | ||
| You can't know. | ||
| You can't know. | ||
| No one's saying they know. | ||
| If you don't know, if you haven't seen it, you don't know where it came from, you haven't watched the video of it fucking flying off that planet and landing here, then there's a lot of fucking guesswork. | ||
| It's a romantic idea. | ||
| The idea seems so cool. | ||
| The idea that there's fucking aliens, it's tricky because you get sucked into it. | ||
| Like, it seems so awesome. | ||
| So does the Loch Ness Monster. | ||
| It's like we have this built-in shit in our head to look for unfound things. | ||
| It's nothing like the latinx monster, man. | ||
| The latinx monster is like Bigfoot. | ||
| Well, Bigfoot is a real animal. | ||
| They have isolated an animal called Gigantopithecus that they believe if human beings came down the Bering Strait, and they came from Asia. | ||
| Gigantopithecus lived in Asia as recently as 10,000 years ago. | ||
| It was a bipedal primate that was 8 to 10 feet tall. | ||
| So you believe in Bigfoot? | ||
| It's an animal. | ||
| Whether or not believe people see it... | ||
| Who the fuck knows, man? | ||
| There was woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers here 10,000 years ago. | ||
| Seven foot tall, giant fucking birds like a few hundred thousand years ago. | ||
| There was animals on this planet, in this continent, that don't exist anymore, that were pretty fucking crazy. | ||
| Saber-toothed tigers are crazier than Bigfoot. | ||
| Bigfoot's just another big monkey. | ||
| If Bigfoot was Gigantopithecus, it's just another large primate that went extinct. | ||
| Where is Bigfoot supposed to be living? | ||
| Pacific Northwest, which is, if you follow the traveling down the Bering Strait, which is where Indians came here. | ||
| American Indians originated in Siberia and Asia, and they came down from there. | ||
| America, what people don't realize is 10,000 years ago, half of America was under a mile-high sheet of ice. | ||
| This was covered in ice. | ||
| This was like a barren land. | ||
| But something dramatic happened to the environment of the Earth. | ||
| And the Ice Age, when it ended, America opened up. | ||
| And that's when people started moving here. | ||
| Some of the people had already moved here. | ||
| They found Chinese bodies here from 10,000 years ago. | ||
| But when people started moving here, they came from there. | ||
| They came from the Bering Strait. | ||
| That's like the number one theory of a big percentage of the American Indians. | ||
| So they came down from Asia, and this monkey lived in Asia. | ||
| And if this thing followed them... | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| Is there any compelling evidence for Loch Ness Monster? | ||
| There's pictures. | ||
| There's scans from radar. | ||
| They think it could be a big fish that could have got landlocked that was extinct in other places but not there. | ||
| The problem with Loch Ness is it's really murky. | ||
| They can't see. | ||
| And it could be a bunch of other things. | ||
| It could be a bunch of other things that people are misconstruing. | ||
| And there's been a bunch of hoaxes. | ||
| But when enough people have seen things, you've got to wonder, well, what the fuck is it? | ||
| Is it an eel? | ||
| You've got to think of all the animals that are real. | ||
| Is it a dolphin? | ||
| It's probably mostly floating wood and just people knowing the story and going, oh, there it is! | ||
| I saw it! | ||
| There's more evidence for Bigfoot or Loch Ness Monster? | ||
| Probably Bigfoot. | ||
| Because Bigfoot, there's the American Indians. | ||
| That's a big part of the lore of Bigfoot. | ||
| There's over 250 American Indian names for Bigfoot. | ||
| Bigfoot was born in the imagination of an American Indian that just wanted attention. | ||
| Bigfoot was born in the head of an American Indian that was just wanting attention. | ||
| Can you imagine one dude came up with that and it just spread over? | ||
| All the other ones is somebody hearing that same story and just being paranoid walking through the woods late at night. | ||
| It's like other tribes with these fucking costumes, like bear costumes. | ||
| The most compelling evidence about Bigfoot is actually the audio tapes. | ||
| There's these audio tapes of these crazy primate howls. | ||
| They've recorded in the Pacific Northwest. | ||
| And they're really fucking loud. | ||
| They're really loud and interesting. | ||
| And these have been done, you know, and supposedly by legit scientists. | ||
| They've recorded these sounds. | ||
| So it could be somebody let a monkey loose. | ||
| They had a crazy pet monkey. | ||
| And they let that motherfucker loose and he's screaming in the woods. | ||
| Joe, if we put you in the woods, you could make up some sounds that they would think was Bigfoot in Loch Ness Mountains or it's a baby. | ||
| What's the worst conspiracy theory? | ||
| Like the worst one? | ||
| Flat Earth. | ||
| There's people that believe the Earth is flat. | ||
| To the Young Earth, that's another bad one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Like today, people don't believe it's flat. | ||
| Young Earth? | ||
| Yeah, they believe the Young Earth. | ||
| Yeah, that's a big percentage of the Christian population. | ||
| There's a guy on Twitter, I follow him all the time, he's this crazy retarded Christian young earth guy who's always talking about the evidence against evolution. | ||
| These YouTube videos, you can't watch them for more than five minutes because the insanity radiates off the screen and it starts to get you. | ||
| Blonde hair, cute lips. | ||
| He's really nice. | ||
| Yeah, he's hot. | ||
| They believe that the earth is less than 10,000 years old. | ||
| A lot of people, more than 50% during a recent Gallup poll in the United States, believe that the earth is the age that's depicted in the Bible, which is less than 10,000 years old. | ||
| They probably don't even know what that is. | ||
| They're just going, did the Bible say that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it's the Bible. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They're like, what does Jesus think? | ||
| Yeah, that's all they have to hear. | ||
| There's a lot of dumbass conspiracy theories. | ||
| Bigfoot's not the dumbest one. | ||
| Bigfoot, there's a real animal that they can lock that to. | ||
| It's like, if there's one, the Jersey Devil, some fucking giant monster that's like half... | ||
| Or the Chupacabra. | ||
| Yeah, the Texas one. | ||
| Well, the Chupacabra, they've narrowed that down too. | ||
| They think it's mange. | ||
| Mange on coyotes. | ||
| Because they've had dead coyotes that they've shot and killed that were covered in mange. | ||
| Dude, they don't even look real. | ||
| They look... | ||
| They look like monsters. | ||
| They're zombie coyotes. | ||
| They look like ghouls. | ||
| They lose all their hair. | ||
| It's a common disease. | ||
| And they have photos. | ||
| There's photos of them online. | ||
| If you look chupacabra, they have a headless one where they chopped its head off. | ||
| And it's a coyote. | ||
| It's a coyote that had a horrible mange. | ||
| And it has almost blue, dark, bluish, blackish skin. | ||
| And it's no hair. | ||
| And it looks like a monster. | ||
| So that's most likely the origin of a chupacabra. | ||
| Because you're talking about something that killed goats and shit and killed chickens. | ||
| That's what coyotes do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, so they have that narrowed down. | ||
| You know, I was at the zoo this weekend, man, and I saw a leopard. | ||
| They had a leopard there. | ||
| And it was so sad. | ||
| Leopards just pacing around. | ||
| Just doesn't get to jack anything. | ||
| Just pacing. | ||
| Look at all these people staring out. | ||
| Well, they've started to find leopards in America, bro. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Leopards have made their way to Phoenix. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, there's leopard sightings in Arizona. | ||
| Wow, that's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, they're coming up through South America and through Mexico and into America. | ||
| Fucking leopards, bro. | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| Leopards are no joke. | ||
| Could you imagine if you were like the first American to get jacked by a leopard? | ||
| I would love it. | ||
| Would you? | ||
| They're not going to last too long. | ||
| There'll be leopard hunting season and those motherfuckers will be wiped out. | ||
| Do you think so, man? | ||
| They try to go into Texas? | ||
| Yeah, if they're going to Texas. | ||
| They don't even have to open up a hunting season in Texas. | ||
| They'll just start shooting them. | ||
| The kids will shoot them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who were we talking about the other day that was jogging and they shot something and you were more amazed that they had a gun while they were jogging. | ||
| Somebody was telling us a story. | ||
| Yeah, who the fuck told us that? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Oh shit, that sucks. | ||
| I thought you would know. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| Didn't they do that in Colorado when you lived there? | ||
| Didn't you jog? | ||
| You had to have a gun, right? | ||
| I carried a gun. | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| They have jogging holsters. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I carried a gun every time I went hiking. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You jog with a fucking rifle behind you. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| The last thing you want to do is be out there by yourself with your family in a fucking predator attacks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You don't have a gun. | ||
| Especially when it's somebody that wants your daughters. | ||
| It's so easy to shoot things. | ||
| You have a gun, you put it in your pocket. | ||
| I mean, that's pretty crazy technology. | ||
| You have this little thing in your pocket that can protect you. | ||
| What are the odds of that? | ||
| You've got to use that shit. | ||
| I've been thinking really hard about getting a gun lately. | ||
| Me and, like, there's two of my friends that were both saying, like, they just called me randomly, like, hey, do you want to get a gun? | ||
| I think it was Duncan or somebody. | ||
| Better to have it and not to need it than to need it and not to have it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can't control all these people in this world. | ||
| It's almost living out in the wilderness like you did. | ||
| We talked about this before. | ||
| It's a lot like, you know, no matter where you go, you got to deal with some death. | ||
| Either you live in the city and you got to deal with muggers and rapists or like gangbangers or something, or you live way out away from that shit. | ||
| No gangbangers are going out into the wilderness, but then you got to deal with mountain lions and crazy shit like that. | ||
| You got to deal with things and you got to deal with weird people. | ||
| But at least you can shoot them and you're cool. | ||
| Like you can just look at them and go, bam, and just You can't do that to a mugger until he jumps on you. | ||
| You've got to be careful with bears because bears are hard to kill. | ||
| It's very hard to kill a bear with a pistol. | ||
| If you've got a bear, you're better off shooting into the air. | ||
| What about bear mace? | ||
| That shit works, yeah. | ||
| You've got to get them with it, though. | ||
| They've got to be close enough for you to get them with it. | ||
| I didn't even know bear mace existed until South Park. | ||
| With bears, you've got to be careful. | ||
| Was he? | ||
| He thought he was the bounty hunter. | ||
| South Park is based on Evergreen. | ||
| That's where those guys grew up. | ||
| That's where I almost lived. | ||
| I wanted to live in the mountains of Boulder, but the mountains above Denver, there's one town called Evergreen that I really liked. | ||
| South Park is. | ||
| That's what it's based on. | ||
| Were they actually from, like, Denver? | ||
| Those dudes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Does anybody want to drink coconut water? | ||
| Oh, dude, I would love a coconut water. | ||
| Have you had these coconut waters? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| We need to be sponsored by them so they can send us crates of them. | ||
| So if you're listening, oh, what is it? | ||
| C2O. Best coconut water in the world. | ||
| Better than that grain box one? | ||
| Oh, totally. | ||
| You know what it tastes like? | ||
| It tastes like you just ate a bowl of Froot Loops and it's the milk from the Froot Loops. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's what it tastes like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so good. | |
| Yeah, it's the shit. | ||
| I'm a big fan of this stuff. | ||
| Yeah, living in Colorado is just as tricky as living in LA. Cheers! | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| Salute. | ||
| Here's to wine pitties. | ||
| There's got to be a coconut water alcoholic beverage, right? | ||
| Oh, there has to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You go to a bar and say, give me coconut in Seagram's or something. | |
| For my dad's birthday, I bought him a crate of the shit that you always drink with the mushrooms and stuff. | ||
| What's that called? | ||
| Oh, kombucha? | ||
| Yeah, I got him a crate of that and a crate of coconut water. | ||
| He loves the kombucha, but the... | ||
| Coconut water he doesn't like, but he uses it for pina coladas. | ||
| He doesn't like this stuff? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He says it's weak. | ||
| He says he needs to add something to it. | ||
| I think when you get old, you lose your taste buds. | ||
| Dude, vodka and coconut water will probably be the shit. | ||
| When you get old, you lose your taste buds? | ||
| Yeah, you start losing taste. | ||
| I wonder if older people are more likely to eat ass then. | ||
| Yes, you would think that. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| I would. | ||
| After all the shits they had to endure to smell. | ||
| Do you remember that video we watched a long time ago about rods? | ||
| Do you remember that shit? | ||
| It's a serious fucking video. | ||
| This dude was in Mexico and he was filming all these people. | ||
| Filming these people skydiving into this cliff. | ||
| There's a cliff that's like a mile down. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It looks like someone took an apple core to the earth and cut this gigantic hole out of the earth. | ||
| And these dudes would base jump off that bitch and skydive and fucking pull a parachute. | ||
| Well, as they're filming it, you see these things flying by the camera like insane speeds. | ||
| And they look like tubes. | ||
| They look like they're winged tubes. | ||
| This guy dedicated his whole life To fucking tracking these things down and trying to find out what the fuck these things were. | ||
| There were moths. | ||
| It turns out it was just an artifact. | ||
| It was a video camera artifact that when something moved too quickly, too close to the screen, it stretched the image out so it made the image look like it was a flying snake. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| So this poor fuck literally made videos, has websites, Roswell Rods. | ||
| Is he still on it? | ||
| He had to give up. | ||
| No, he had to have given up. | ||
| Let's go to roswellrods.com and see if this fucking dummy... | ||
| This is the problem, man. | ||
| This guy's making money. | ||
| This guy's making money. | ||
| It doesn't mean UFOs aren't real, dude. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Just because that guy fucked up. | ||
| No, it doesn't mean it's not real, but it doesn't mean they're not real, but it doesn't mean they are real. | ||
| Like you said, it's most likely... | ||
| I'll say that. | ||
| I'll take back, I believe, and I'll say it's most likely real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that better? | |
| Is that better? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why even have a fucking... | ||
| Because this is about opinions. | ||
| You can't just speak. | ||
| But why become attached? | ||
| I'm just saying, based on what I've seen, it's most likely real. | ||
| I think the site's down. | ||
| Fuck yeah, they took that shit down to him. | ||
| He was videotaping mobs. | ||
| This is the official website for the mysterious flying entities called Rods, discovered by Jose Escamilla over Midway and Roswell. | ||
| He was a jogger or something, wasn't he? | ||
| I don't know, he's just a nut. | ||
| A light jogger. | ||
| He's just a dummy. | ||
| He's a dummy that got tricked by some shit, you know? | ||
| I mean, these guys on MonsterQuest figured it out in fucking ten minutes. | ||
| This guy's been trying to... | ||
| Yeah, kidnotfindroswellrods.com. | ||
| You're done, son. | ||
| It doesn't exist? | ||
| It doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| This guy fucking spent his whole life. | ||
| Dude, there needs to be a documentary on his shit. | ||
| Because you know he videotaped everything, right? | ||
| They need to get that footage and then get the footage of him now. | ||
| He's probably penniless and insane somewhere in Guatemala. | ||
| I wonder how many emails he gets by mistake. | ||
| Like, I heard you videotape a lot of rods. | ||
| Well, he actually had another one that he was doing. | ||
| Gay rods. | ||
| There was another one that he was chasing down. | ||
| Another crazy thing that didn't seem to make any sense. | ||
| Let me type in his name because he had another thing that was like another theory about something else and then someone on the message board going, wait a minute, isn't that the Rod's guy? | ||
| And that's who he is from now on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like pussy. | |
| Oh, Lunar Rising. | ||
| Oh, here he goes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got some shit about the moon. | |
| He changed? | ||
| Yeah, he thinks there's fucking anomalies on the moon now. | ||
| Okay, here he goes. | ||
| The true color of the moon. | ||
| For over 50 years, we have been told and convinced the moon is nothing more than a black and white desolate rock with moon dust and craters. | ||
| The thousands of photos released to the public have always presented a black and white moon. | ||
| Even with the most recent Hubble photographs of the moon are black and white. | ||
| NASA continues to perpetuate the lie that, in quotes, that the moon is black and white. | ||
| This motherfucker is crazy! | ||
| Same dude from Rod's? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| And he's like... | ||
| Damn, he switched over. | ||
| Snake oil. | ||
| Snake oil right here. | ||
| Oh, he's got a bunch of spots that he says, oh my god, this is hilarious. | ||
| Does he believe that the moon landing was a hoax? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| What he's showing is craters. | ||
| And he believes that these craters are different alien artifacts. | ||
| And these craters are like, oh, they're such a stretch. | ||
| The photos are such a stretch. | ||
| He thinks that these structures are artificial. | ||
| It's like fucking craters, man. | ||
| Shit got smashed by rocks from space. | ||
| Sometimes little shapes come out of that, you fucking dummy. | ||
| Did you see the moon on Conan's set last night on his first episode? | ||
| No, how was the first episode? | ||
| Did Did you watch it? | ||
| Yeah, it felt really cheap. | ||
| You know how you watch the NBC show? | ||
| It felt like the furniture was high quality. | ||
| It felt like those were real plants behind them. | ||
| It felt like a good backdrop. | ||
| This felt like they got everything at fucking Sears outlet. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the background was this horrible blue painting that just looked really cheap and generic. | ||
| And then there was this moon in the middle of it that was kind of cool. | ||
| And I guess it moves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it just looked like, the whole thing looked like low budget. | ||
| Was it the real moon or a fake moon? | ||
| No, fake moon. | ||
| Totally fake moon. | ||
| But it just looked really low budget. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was okay. | ||
| He had Seth Rogen on last night. | ||
| Listen how gay you are. | ||
| You're looking at the set. | ||
| The set was terrible. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| It was out of control. | ||
| I was a fan of the show. | ||
| I was a real fan of the show. | ||
| All I can say was, was it a real moon or a fake moon? | ||
| I couldn't comment on the furniture. | ||
| I was a real fan of the show, and a lot of the reviewers of the newspapers and stuff that reviewed it, they made up an interesting point. | ||
| It's like, why are you focusing on a tenth variation of The Tonight Show? | ||
| You're not being your own show. | ||
| You're being The Tonight Show in a version of The Tonight Show. | ||
| You have this new opportunity. | ||
| Why don't you fucking throw that desk out a window and fucking do something? | ||
| People like that desk. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| That you like having people on? | ||
| Isn't it better to do it like this? | ||
| If we were here, I mean we have a table so we have our laptops and shit in front of us. | ||
| We do have kind of a desk though. | ||
| Yeah, but that's to put shit on. | ||
| Yeah, they don't see the desk. | ||
| There's always a pencil and a piece of paper, no? | ||
| Yeah, but our viewers don't see the desk. | ||
| Well, I mean, I guess it's cool that he has notes and everything, but they could put that on a teleprompter. | ||
| I think there's some security to the desk because it's been there forever. | ||
| Just because you get boners when Pamela Anderson from 10 years ago is on. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't look cool if you're just in a chair. | ||
| You got nervous when you're seeing Pamela. | ||
| I was looking at her boobs. | ||
| Cool, Pamela. | ||
| How about they just sit there on stage, no desk, and they're on a big, lazy boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| And they got a headset on, and they're just like chilling. | ||
| You don't want to be too lazy, though, because then the conversation won't be interesting. | ||
| Why don't Conan just have a cool house, and they invite some cool people over and just hang out? | ||
| That's actually a good idea. | ||
| You know, get some good cameras, have some good quality behind it. | ||
| Just have Conan with his little beard going, hey, check out my garage. | ||
| Just hang out in the garage and talk about your movie. | ||
| What's your movie? | ||
| Well, the problem is that a lot of people like to be in the audience, and they like to have an audience there. | ||
| It makes the comedy play out. | ||
| 200 people are sad. | ||
| Invite the 200 people via Skype. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| That'll work. | ||
| John Heffron's doing comedy shows through Skype. | ||
| Something like Skype. | ||
| It's a new form of video conferencing technology. | ||
| But he sits in a room and there's all these screens around him. | ||
| And he's performing for all these other people that are in the room with him. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty cool shit. | ||
| It's actually... | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| I hope that catches him. | ||
| Not in front of an audience? | ||
| No. | ||
| He's doing some corporate gigs where he does them on a desk... | ||
| And the desk, there's cameras that come at him. | ||
| Can you hear laughter? | ||
| Yes, you can hear everything. | ||
| They're all connected. | ||
| Everyone's conference called up. | ||
| And there's like, you know, 50, 100 people in there. | ||
| How crazy... | ||
| I mean, he's sitting there by himself in front of a laptop, and then there could be fucking the whole world listening, and then you could hear all their laughter. | ||
| Can you imagine that? | ||
| It's like a shower curtain ring. | ||
| Like you have a stereo system, and it's... | ||
| Well, he said it's really crazy because you could see, when you set it up, you can see all these people in front of you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, you see them sitting, like, there's not just one screen, there's like a dozen screens in front of them, and he sees all these people in front of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's almost like an audience. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah, what are these? | ||
| Audience at the shower ring convention. | ||
| Yeah, man, I'm not real interested in talk shows. | ||
| When I heard about it, I was like, you know, I'm not going to really watch it. | ||
| It's like a podcast. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not, because it's seven minutes, and all they're doing is talking about their movies. | ||
| They're talking about their... | ||
| I mean, how often does someone have a really interesting story? | ||
| It's not usually. | ||
| Most of the time, they're just pimping their shit. | ||
| They'll have a little, you know, so what's been going on? | ||
| Oh, We recently had our second baby. | ||
| See, to me it's good because you lay in bed and you're kind of like watching the news, kind of. | ||
| It's like the news, but mixed with humor. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's kind of more just like, I wouldn't watch it if it was like 8pm. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, I like them. | ||
| I mean, they're okay, but I don't go out of my way to see them. | ||
| I prefer the Jon Stewart show, honestly. | ||
| I think that The Daily Show, the way he does it, is the best way. | ||
| He has a lot of shit that he fucks around with. | ||
| His monologues and his making fun of things in the news, even though it's all political for the most part, I think he hits the mark more than anybody. | ||
| He makes me laugh out loud more than anybody. | ||
| Did you guys already talk about... | ||
| The Galfa Ganakis weed smoking incident on the John Stewart show? | ||
| No, no, we didn't. | ||
| Do you know what happened? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, he smoked pot. | ||
| He pulled out a joint. | ||
| It was actually the Bill Maher show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it was? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It wasn't John Stewart? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay, I was off. | ||
| It was real time. | ||
| But, you know, and then the executive said that it wasn't real pot, that it was a prop. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| They had to say it. | ||
| Yeah, but why do they have to say it? | ||
| Why do they have to say it? | ||
| Why do they have to say it's not real? | ||
| It's like the kids. | ||
| Wait, this is the first podcast we've done since Proposition 9 did not pass. | ||
| 19, rather, did not pass. | ||
| You know, and so there's a lot of fucking, yeah, there's a lot of shit going on right now in this country. | ||
| There's a lot of shit going on with pot and disinformation and people thinking that somehow or another if you have pot and it's more accessible than it is now that the world's going to fall apart. | ||
| It's sad. | ||
| I never thought when I was a little kid that we'd be here in now 2010 and this would still be up for debate. | ||
| Yeah, but you have to also know that it's not going to pass that easily unless it's like an iPhone app. | ||
| One single button, all these people, instead of having to register and then go fucking take off work or go towards your lunch and vote. | ||
| But you have to do that, otherwise it would be too much fraud. | ||
| Yeah, but you know, in like ten years they're going to figure it out. | ||
| It's going to be on your fucking pagers. | ||
| Maybe, but maybe there's probably some incentive to keep it complicated, because the more complicated they keep it, the less people vote, and the more it's political aficionados that are in the mix instead of just the casual person. | ||
| I knew that was going to happen, though. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| I wasn't shocked at all. | ||
| It was just like gay marriage. | ||
| You thought that was going to pass, but then... | ||
| You know what's shocking to me, man? | ||
| When the polls are right. | ||
| Because I'm like, who the fuck answers polls? | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Have you ever answered a poll? | ||
| Polls like online? | ||
| Yeah, or has anybody called you up and you talked to them? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, all the time I do polls. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah, and like if you're on TMZ and it's like, does Mel Gibson's butt look fat, yes or no, I'm going to take the extra click to see no just to see what the answers are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, don't you? | ||
| No. | ||
| First of all, those aren't real polls. | ||
| What I mean about a poll is like you go somewhere and it's a multiple page thing where it asks you a bunch of questions. | ||
| I don't do that much. | ||
| Or even a few questions, like 10 questions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Eh, sometimes. | ||
| Like, you know, like, once in a while, like, if a product that I really like, that you get that spam email with, like, please answer our ten questions for us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you really? | |
| If it's a company I like, I'll give them, I'll take the extra minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Why not? | ||
| I don't, not you. | ||
| Anything I can do to help the products that I like? | ||
| You know, like, if it's, like, whatever, Apple. | ||
| Well, you do do that. | ||
| Like, you, like, make little videos and shit when you like a product. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The last poll I took was like, who's the best submission artist in MMA? Shinya Yoki, BJ Penn. | ||
| Oh, in MMA. Well, Marcel's not really in MMA anymore. | ||
| He did MMA once. | ||
| Is he done though? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's making so much money in jujitsu. | ||
| He doesn't need to go through all that shit. | ||
| He's making a teaching. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| His website, man. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| God damn. | ||
| He charges 30 bucks a month to get his techniques. | ||
| 30. Yeah. | ||
| That's a lot of fucking extra thousands a month. | ||
| That dude who set it up, that chess master, Joe... | ||
| Josh... | ||
| I think his last name is Waitskin? | ||
| I don't remember exactly how to pronounce his name. | ||
| Bobby Fischer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's the one from the video, Searching for Bobby Fischer, the movie. | ||
| It was all based on him. | ||
| And he was a child chess prodigy. | ||
| And now he's transferred that into becoming a jiu-jitsu guy. | ||
| He loves jiu-jitsu and he treats it just like chess. | ||
| Where there's a bunch of openings and a bunch of different counters and he has them broken down. | ||
| So he has the website really systematically organized the way you would organize chess practice. | ||
| So it's pretty fucking interesting. | ||
| Someone who's a chess genius. | ||
| That kind of a mind. | ||
| that kind of a, like, you know, like a... | ||
| Retardation. | ||
| It's not retardation. | ||
| Strategic. | ||
| That kind of a strategic mindset applied to jiu-jitsu is kind of interesting. | ||
| I bet, I mean, if you were making free money, just like 20k a month, which is probably in the area... | ||
| Doing nothing, why would you do MMA? That money's just flowing the fuck in. | ||
| He doesn't want to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| He doesn't need to. | ||
| He can just stick to being the greatest jiu-jitsu player of all time. | ||
| Well, I would really love to see just professional jiu-jitsu, because I've always said that, you know, one of the best things about jiu-jitsu, watching jiu-jitsu, is you don't have any guilt. | ||
| Even though you're watching dudes get jacked, and even if you jack a guy, there's no guilt. | ||
| Because when you knock somebody out, or you hurt somebody, or even you watch someone get knocked out... | ||
| At least part of my brain is like, that guy just got fucked up. | ||
| You know, there's like a part of that guy that's not going to be the same again. | ||
| And like he got hit by a car or something. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, someone gets really fucking head kicked. | ||
| When Gonzaga Crocop, when he head kicked Crocop and knocked him out, I remember I had to interview Crocop afterwards and he was just... | ||
| You know, it really was a dumb idea to interview him. | ||
| I should have probably protested, but we always interview the winner and the loser, and he was up, and they said, okay, interview the loser. | ||
| So I just automatically went to it. | ||
| But as I was talking to him, I'm like, this poor guy should not be getting interviewed right now. | ||
| This guy just, you know, he just got knocked unconscious. | ||
| He's not exactly sure what happened, and I'm asking him questions. | ||
| You know, when you see something like that, man, you go, wow, there's a fucking price. | ||
| But jiu-jitsu never feels like there's a price. | ||
| You know, guys get jacked, and even if they get hurt, like, he's going to be okay. | ||
| Most of the time, 99% of the time, but Marcelo Garcia, man, if he could just do professional jiu-jitsu, if they could have, like, a guy like that, you could have professional jiu-jitsu and even put it on TV and it would be exciting. | ||
| Because you'd be just catching people all the time. | ||
| There's so many good guys now. | ||
| I mean, Marcelo's still the king, but there's so many guys out there still competing like Ryan Hall and Jeff Glover and all those new Brazilians busting out. | ||
| Rafael Mendes, Colbrina. | ||
| Rafael Lovato. | ||
| There's so many guys that are good at no gi. | ||
| It should be in the Olympics right away. | ||
| There's no reason why no gi jiu-jitsu shouldn't be in the Olympics. | ||
| Yeah, gi is a little too slow. | ||
| That would bore people to death. | ||
| Yeah, that bores me. | ||
| You have that funny story about going to watch with John Jacques. | ||
| Yeah, that's one. | ||
| I was always the guy in class that asked the questions about yanking on collars and yanking on sleeves and asking, like, how is that going to translate in MMA? I mean, because I was embarrassed. | ||
| When I first started doing jujitsu, I would tell guys, check out this next fight. | ||
| This guy's a jujitsu guy. | ||
| He's going to fuck him up. | ||
| He's going to jack him. | ||
| And the first fight that I got really disappointed with was Bustamante against Bolander. | ||
| I love Bustamante to death. | ||
| He's still one of my all-time favorite fighters. | ||
| But I couldn't believe that he couldn't finish him off his back. | ||
| It just baffled me. | ||
| I kept saying, okay, he's going to get him right now. | ||
| He's going to get him right now. | ||
| He's just setting him up. | ||
| He's going to get him. | ||
| And then it didn't happen. | ||
| And I asked Sean Jacques. | ||
| I'm like, what's going on with... | ||
| How come we never see sweeps and finishes off, you know, rarely off from the bottom. | ||
| You never see sweeps and finishes at the same rate as you do at the Mundials. | ||
| At the Mundials, they're sweeping, they're finishing off their back. | ||
| Like, I mean, it's incredible how much action there is, like, off your back. | ||
| But not in MMA. It was different, so. | ||
| It's because they don't have the gi to hold on to. | ||
| Yeah, well, if you practice setting up all your submissions and sweeps, yanking and pulling on someone's outfit, and that's actually part of the sweep, you take that out, and then you also add strikes, man, it's a whole different game. | ||
| So, you know, what was the question? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| How did we get this far? | ||
| We were talking about Jean-Jacques watching matches with you, and you guys were both saying how boring it was. | ||
| Oh, yes, yes. | ||
| Immediately, I was questioning the gig, going, man, this could be a problem. | ||
| This is making jiu-jitsu look bad. | ||
| For me, it was like, how does jiu-jitsu look in MMA? And then when I went to the Mundials in 2000 as a purple belt with Jean-Jacques, and we're watching the black belts, and I can't even keep my eyes open. | ||
| It's just so... | ||
| Most of the matches weren't boring. | ||
| There were some exciting matches, and there still are some, there's a lot of exciting matches with the Gi. | ||
| But generally, I mean, I was sitting there trying to keep my eyes open, and Jean-Jacques looked over me and goes, man, this is so boring. | ||
| He wanted to leave. | ||
| And right there, that struck me. | ||
| I'm like, damn, one of the fucking baddest jujitsu players of all time, my master, is bored with watching black belts play tug-of-war in the Gi. | ||
| That's when I thought, whoa, man. | ||
| The gi is a problem. | ||
| And for me, the reason why I started teaching without the gi wasn't to separate myself from the Brazilian jiu-jitsu community. | ||
| It wasn't me going, fuck you, you guys with the gi. | ||
| I took off the gi for jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I did this shit for jiu-jitsu. | ||
| That's the one thing I want everyone to understand, especially the Brazilians that hate me. | ||
| I did this for jujitsu. | ||
| The most important thing for me is how jujitsu looks in MMA. And I feel that the gi is a problem for MMA. So I decided when I opened up a school, I want to try to bring jujitsu back. | ||
| I'm going to do whatever I can personally, whatever I can do to bring jujitsu back in MMA. Well, you did it also because you think that's the most effective way to do it in MMA. Yes, no, of course, of course. | ||
| I thought it was the most effective way, and I'm doing it for jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I feel that if everyone lost the gi 10 years ago and just focused on no gi submissions, setting up everything in the clinch, setting everything up with... | ||
| Overhooks, underhooks, and head control as opposed to setting everything up with yanking and pulling collars and sleeves. | ||
| If we would have started everybody ten years ago, we just killed the Gi. | ||
| If Helio would have said, no more Gi. | ||
| We need to come back. | ||
| We need to dominate MMA again. | ||
| Man, the world would be a different place. | ||
| We would see a hundred Shenya Aoki's. | ||
| A hundred Javi Vasquez. | ||
| Did you see what Ryan Hall said recently? | ||
| He had a thing about how he doesn't play guard anymore. | ||
| That all he's concerned with now is if he winds up on bottom, is sweeping, getting on top to finish? | ||
| That's beautiful if you can do it, but what about the guys you can't sweep? | ||
| Yeah, he's saying that you can't rely on your guard anymore. | ||
| Well, you can't rely on sweeps all the time either. | ||
| But you're going to be on your back regardless. | ||
| And if you could sweep them, most of my game is all about sweeps. | ||
| I'm all about sweeping and getting on top. | ||
| But you have to prepare for the worst case scenario. | ||
| A guy that puts it on your back and you can't sweep them. | ||
| You better have a wicked... | ||
| Finishing game off your back as well. | ||
| You've got to have both. | ||
| You can't finish everybody from your back, and you can't sweep everybody. | ||
| But if a dude stuffs all your sweeps and he stuffs all your finishes, he's just better than you. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But you've got to have as much game as possible. | ||
| I'm amazed if somebody hasn't stepped up and tried to make a professional jiu-jitsu league. | ||
| I know Rico Ciccarelli did that thing for a little bit, but he was having a hard time with it. | ||
| But I think it's more popular now than it was then. | ||
| Well, the problem with the Rico Ciparelli promotion, which was Professional Submission League, PSL, great concept. | ||
| He just had like eight super fight matches, man. | ||
| He had Marcelo in there against Jake Shields. | ||
| He had Marcelo in there against Cameron Earl. | ||
| The only way he thought he could make it work and sell it to a network or something, even like ESPN or something, was to have Randy Couture as the main event. | ||
| Randy Couture, originally, he retired a few years ago. | ||
| He wasn't planning on doing MMA anymore, but his plan was just to stay in the mix competitively and do submission grappling. | ||
| Rico jumped on him and said, hey, dude, you're going to be the poster boy. | ||
| You're going to blow this up. | ||
| But then when he decided to go back to MMA, he was left without a poster child and I mean, I think he could make it successful with the guys we have nowadays, like make Marcelo Garcia the poster child, and then bring in, you know, Cabrinha, bring in Rafael Mendes, bring in Braulio Estima, bring in, again, Jeff Glover, Ryan Hall, Javi Vasquez, all these guys that, you know, Javi's back in the mix in MMA now, but I think you could do it now. | ||
| I don't think you need Randy Couture. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| What they really need is they need to get some sort of a network behind it, someone willing to The difference between submission grappling and MMA... The advantage, | ||
| it could be a small advantage in some people's eyes, but people will get into it because anybody can actually practice it. | ||
| You can go to your local jiu-jitsu school and you actually can get involved. | ||
| The potential is there. | ||
| Of course, it's not. | ||
| It'll never be as exciting as dudes smashing skulls and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| But submission grappling with the right guys can be very, very exciting. | ||
| And I think it could be successful. | ||
| They got dogs catching frisbees at 1.30 in the morning. | ||
| You can throw up some no-gi jujitsu up there for sure. | ||
| I mean, pool is huge. | ||
| I mean, pool is on TV all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it's not. | |
| It's not huge at all. | ||
| But it's on TV, though. | ||
| Starving to death. | ||
| Yeah, but it's on TV. Barely. | ||
| It's barely on TV. A lot of those matches that you watch are old matches. | ||
| The women have some on ESPN, but there's no money in it. | ||
| No one's making any money. | ||
| You have to go overseas to make the real money. | ||
| There's a couple tournaments, like the US Open. | ||
| You win that. | ||
| You win $40,000. | ||
| You got to play for a week, and that's only the winner. | ||
| You know, you get down to, like, the other people. | ||
| There's not much money. | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| There's not much money in it, but it's still on the air. | ||
| And I could see some mission grappling like that on the air when no one's really making that much money except for the top guys. | ||
| But then you got, like, poker. | ||
| That's making money, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who watches fucking poker, man? | ||
| You know what the thing about poker is, man? | ||
| You do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You watch poker. | ||
| I love poker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry. | |
| Here's the thing about poker is that you could watch and you could know what we all have. | ||
| Like when you're watching at home, you can't affect the outcome of the game. | ||
| So you could see, like if you had two aces, you had an ace and a king. | ||
| You could see, without you seeing what he had, the people watching could see what he had. | ||
| So they know. | ||
| Everyone is in on it. | ||
| So, ooh, how's this going to play out? | ||
| What if baseball was like that, where you knew what the pitcher was going to throw? | ||
| Like, right before. | ||
| Ooh, that's interesting. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Because if they let you know a second before you throw... | ||
| How could he ever get to him? | ||
| How could he get to him that quick? | ||
| And if he's looking somewhere else, he's keeping his eye, it would fuck him up. | ||
| That's a good idea, dude. | ||
| Like, right away, boom! | ||
| Fast up! | ||
| Yeah, if the pitcher had a little thing on his mouth. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It would have to be someone who could read the signs because the catcher is giving those signs. | ||
| Or just do it at a 20 second delay. | ||
| Does the catcher give those signs or the pitcher give those signs? | ||
| Who decides what gets thrown? | ||
| The catcher. | ||
| The pitcher can say, no, I'm throwing some heating, right? | ||
| The pitcher has, he's like the executive producer, and the fucking catcher's the producer. | ||
| What if they have like bitchy arguments? | ||
| You can, totally. | ||
| You can, you see him going, no, dude, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Basically, the catcher's trying to get them to agree. | ||
| Like, okay, what are we going to do? | ||
| It's up to you, but you want to throw this? | ||
| I'm suggesting this. | ||
| But you could do that with football, too, like right before the snap. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| It's going to be a run or something. | ||
| That, like, is one of the hardest things about putting anything together is getting two people to agree on what should be done. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, if you have an executive producer and you have the talent and they're together and they're trying to figure out how to work things out, man, that's a hard fucking thing to come together on. | ||
| You'd have to put it on a 10-second delay, then that would ensure that no one... | ||
| For the baseball thing? | ||
| Yeah, if there's no... | ||
| You've had that with music, though, right? | ||
| You've had that with music, where dudes are trying to fuck with and change your shit and you didn't like it. | ||
| Remember that executive producer you were working with for a while? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| The guy down in San Diego? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Remember he wanted to do all this and do all that? | ||
| No, that wasn't going to work. | ||
| Happens all the time. | ||
| Exactly, it happens all the time. | ||
| I've had it happen with everything I've ever done. | ||
| Everything I've ever done that has to do with creativity that involves other people. | ||
| They all want to... | ||
| I am open to hear shit. | ||
| I've always been that way. | ||
| In every band that I've been in, the rule has always been the same. | ||
| There's five of us. | ||
| I'm 22 years old. | ||
| Everyone's in their early 20s. | ||
| Anybody can write. | ||
| But we all have to like it. | ||
| If you want to come up with something, okay, we all have to like it. | ||
| Because when you're on stage, man, what's most important, you would rather play someone else's good shit than your bad shit. | ||
| No one wants to go on stage and the crowd's going, what the fuck is this? | ||
| And no one's liking it and the other guys are talking behind their back like, dude, I don't want to do this song anymore. | ||
| That's the last thing you want. | ||
| You want to avoid that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So what ends up happening is real quick, you end up everyone gravitating to the guy who's putting together the best shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's always that band where you know that they're just giving this fucking drummer a bone and letting him sing right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, there's always a few songs like that, right? | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| The perfect example is Peter Criss from Kiss. | ||
| He co-wrote a song. | ||
| He thinks he wrote Beth, but really Bob Ezrin wrote it. | ||
| And he's a famous producer. | ||
| And so it says Peter Criss and Bob Ezra. | ||
| That was the biggest Kiss song to date. | ||
| Beth was huge. | ||
| It was like a ballad. | ||
| It was the first one that I ever... | ||
| I was a huge Kiss fan, but that was the first one that made it on the radio. | ||
| Yeah, that was massive. | ||
| Beth is fucking huge. | ||
| So Peter Criss got a big head and goes, I want to leave Kiss. | ||
| You guys are letting me only write one song. | ||
| I want to write more songs. | ||
| He goes, I'm going to make a solo album. | ||
| And Paul Steinle goes, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. | ||
| We'll all make solo albums and we'll put them together, but let's not break up. | ||
| Make a solo album. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| We'll all make solo albums. | ||
| So they all put out solo albums at the same time. | ||
| Peter Criss' album, the guy who wanted to leave to make the solo album, was not only the worst of the solo albums, but it's the worst Kiss album ever. | ||
| He's known for the worst Kiss album ever. | ||
| No Kiss fan has ever said they liked that album. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's that bad. | ||
| It's that bad. | ||
| It's really bad, dude. | ||
| It's really, really, really bad. | ||
| So he's not in the band anymore, but there's a fake Peter Chris now? | ||
| The way they did it, originally when Peter and Ace left, they replaced them with new characters. | ||
| Like Eric Fox came on to replace Peter Chris as the Fox. | ||
| Vinny Vincent came on to replace Ace Freely as the Egyptian god or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But then they finally took the makeup off. | ||
| They went like 10, 15 years without makeup. | ||
| And then when they put the makeup back, they got Peter and Ace, the original guys, back. | ||
| They did a couple of reunion tours and the exact same thing happened. | ||
| Peter fucked up, Ace fucked up, so they kicked him out. | ||
| But this time... | ||
| What happened to the fox? | ||
| Where'd that guy go? | ||
| He died, actually. | ||
| But when they did the reunion tour, you gotta bring back the original guys. | ||
| Because that was two other guys that were... | ||
| Check out this picture. | ||
| It's Ace Freely tattooed on this guy's side. | ||
| He was a bartender or a server at the Cap City Comedy Club. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Kid named Bobby. | ||
| And he ran into Ace Freely and he was drunk and he was talking all this shit to Ace Freely. | ||
| And Ace Freely goes, fuck you, kid. | ||
| So he gets Ace Freely's picture tattooed on him with, fuck you, kid. | ||
| I'll put it up here. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I'll put it on my Twitter later today. | ||
| But he got this fucking tattoo of Ace Frehley. | ||
| His whole side of his body is permanently a big picture, a shitty one too, of Ace Frehley where it says, Fuck you, kid, underneath it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's incredible. | |
| Incredible. | ||
| So when they decided to do the reunion, they got the original guys, Ace and Peter. | ||
| It's been like 15 years. | ||
| Of course they wanted to do it. | ||
| They realized, fuck, we fucked up. | ||
| Goddammit, why do we leave Kiss? | ||
| And get kicked out at the same time. | ||
| It's like both. | ||
| They both got back in. | ||
| The reunion tours were massive. | ||
| They did a couple, and then Peter started fucking up, and Ace started fucking up somehow. | ||
| They left. | ||
| So instead of getting new guys with new characters... | ||
| They got new guys to play Ace and Peter. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Didn't know that. | ||
| And they introduced the guys and say as... | ||
| No, they never did that. | ||
| They never did that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| They don't tell anybody who they are? | ||
| No, they never pretended like that was the real Ace and that was the real Peter. | ||
| Maybe they did the first few shows. | ||
| Maybe they tried to do some shenanigans. | ||
| No, I'm not saying they did shenanigans. | ||
| I said they said, you know, and now starring as Bang and they say the guy's name. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They don't say the guy's name at all? | ||
| No, they said the real guy's name. | ||
| Because what happened is, when they did the reunion tour, Eric Singer, the non-makeup Kiss drummer, and Bruce Kulik, the non-makeup Kiss guitar player, they got left in the behind and go, we're going to do a reunion tour and blow this shit up. | ||
| This non-makeup band ain't happening. | ||
| But when Peter left, they got the non-makeup dude, Eric Singer, to play Peter. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So he came in, and he always said he was Eric Singer, but they know that a lot of the fans that are coming, they don't even know the difference. | ||
| Oh man, I liked Kiss when I was a kid. | ||
| I'm going to go check out Kiss. | ||
| They're fucking cool, man. | ||
| Rock and roll all night. | ||
| They have no idea. | ||
| They realize. | ||
| They never hide it. | ||
| They never deny it. | ||
| But they know that it doesn't really matter. | ||
| They're just going to come up. | ||
| We're going to say that's Eric Singer. | ||
| We're going to say that's Tommy Thayer playing Ace. | ||
| But most of the people aren't even going to notice. | ||
| What was the deal with Ace Frehley and Peter Criss? | ||
| Why couldn't they get it together? | ||
| It's the exact same thing. | ||
| Drugs? | ||
| And alcohol. | ||
| And Peter, and they're getting old too. | ||
| Peter was not a very good drummer back when he practiced a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh really? | |
| And when you, I mean, it's like jujitsu, man. | ||
| You don't fucking keep practicing, you lose your chops. | ||
| A drummer has to be like a fucking machine, literally, on time. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Peter and Paul and Gene have never stopped touring. | ||
| They never stopped putting out albums. | ||
| Those guys are machines. | ||
| They could sing their ass off and they could play. | ||
| I mean, Paul is unconscious playing and singing. | ||
| And Gene, he's one of the most underrated bass players ever. | ||
| He can sing fucking harmonies like the Beatles. | ||
| Paul and Gene are machines, bro. | ||
| So what they got, they decided to replace Eric Singer, the non-makeup kiss guy. | ||
| They brought him in. | ||
| They put Peter Criss makeup on him. | ||
| And he can sing. | ||
| Eric Singer can sing and he can play his ass off. | ||
| He's an amazing drummer and he can sing. | ||
| So they go, we're going to bring this guy back. | ||
| Does he sing Beth now? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They did a reality show. | ||
| The Gene Simmons show was so successful that they ended up doing... | ||
| And they would show spots of Kiss during the Gene Simmons reality show. | ||
| But then they kind of did a spin-off. | ||
| Why don't we just follow Kiss? | ||
| So reality shows are all fucking fake. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| Even the ones that are real, the camera, the facial reactions, they have one camera there, and how are they panning to all these facial reactions? | ||
| They're storing these facial reactions from two weeks ago. | ||
| Oh, there's a good one, a perplexed look. | ||
| That's how they do it. | ||
| Different shirts on and shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's how fake it is. | ||
| So with the Kiss reality show, there was a mini-series reality show, or it might be an ongoing show. | ||
| They have to create some drama, so... | ||
| They're following around, and Eric Singer, who's dressed like Peter, is like, Gene, can I do Beth for the next show? | ||
| And then Gene's all, you know, I promised Peter that we wouldn't do Beth. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And Eric's like, come on, dude, let me do Beth. | ||
| So then Eric Singer disappears. | ||
| They're about to do a show. | ||
| Where's Eric Singer? | ||
| We started an hour. | ||
| No one's been able to find him. | ||
| They're all looking for Edgar Singer. | ||
| He's like, fuck it. | ||
| Let's get the roadie in. | ||
| Get him in makeup. | ||
| We're just going to do the show without him. | ||
| We're going to get the roadie to do it. | ||
| They never show the roadie putting on makeup or anything getting ready. | ||
| They were just like, oh man. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, Eric shows up backstage. | ||
| He's all dressed up in makeup. | ||
| And he goes, they're going on stage. | ||
| And he looks over to Peter and goes, or to Paul Stanley, is Gene going to let me do Beth or not? | ||
| And Paul goes, bro, just get up on stage, man. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| It's just all ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was ridiculous, dude. | |
| Fake drama, and then he sings it. | ||
| I didn't even get that far. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| It was ridiculous, man. | ||
| Having them argue backstage about singing Beth. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Is there a way to do a reality show and not have fake shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's called No Editing Allowed. | ||
| It's just one camera. | ||
| But it might not be interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've got to have three cameras. | ||
| But to some people, I'd rather watch an hour that I know is 100% real than an hour that's, like he said, half just chopped up to make it sellable. | ||
| That shit insults the fuck out of me. | ||
| When I watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians and I see Bruce Jenner running around town trying to fucking meet a deadline or something stupid where I know it's not real. | ||
| I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| The fake show on my shit is done just all out of fun, man. | ||
| We want it fake. | ||
| We do those fake... | ||
| We're storing facial reactions and stuff from people and just putting them in. | ||
| We're having fun with it. | ||
| It's like all fake. | ||
| What he's talking about is 10thplanetjujitsu.com. | ||
| He's got a thing called Mastering the System. | ||
| And it's like a fake jujitsu reality show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's real techniques in there. | ||
| Real techniques, but we just have fun. | ||
| Mixed in with? | ||
| Yeah, shenanigans. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Is the whole Hanato thing, what is the deal with that? | ||
| Oh, the latest episode that just went up? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He chokes me out. | ||
| We get in a fight and he chokes me out and he puts me out and he leaves. | ||
| Have people figured out what's going on yet? | ||
| Or do people think it's... | ||
| Most people know it's fake, but there's a small percentage. | ||
| A forum member from the day one, this girl, emailed me yesterday and said, you know, I respect you to death and all that, but I have to know once and for all, is the Hinata thing real? | ||
| She goes, I just gotta know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Either way, if it's real, it's real, it's cool, but if it's fake, just let me know. | |
| I just don't know. | ||
| I'm like, wow, you don't know. | ||
| You know, there's so much evidence. | ||
| People are piecing together. | ||
| They're taking footage of Unruhsanda, Days of Our Lives. | ||
| They're putting it on a form, and I just keep deleting it. | ||
| Any evidence, I just delete. | ||
| Just delete. | ||
| Well, it's a tricky thing, man, when people fake it. | ||
| When people fake anything. | ||
| You know, that video I just saw the other day of Alan Belcher punking you. | ||
| You ever see that video? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| After you punked him. | ||
| No, I haven't seen it. | ||
| You haven't seen it? | ||
| There's a video of you punking him at your school. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| And then he punks you. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Yes, I remember that. | ||
| That was... | ||
| Columbus, Philadelphia? | ||
| Somewhere. | ||
| Somewhere. | ||
| But he got you. | ||
| I knew it right away. | ||
| I was like, no fucking way. | ||
| I just thought he was crazy. | ||
| I go, this guy's nuts. | ||
| I wasn't hearing what he was saying. | ||
| I was just going, ooh. | ||
| Because I always thought, like, the first time I ever met Alan Belcher, it was after an awesome victory. | ||
| I talked to him a little bit and invited him to my school. | ||
| I thought he was like a, I thought, man, this guy can snap. | ||
| He seemed like a snapper. | ||
| Like, he would just, like, I seen him. | ||
| I'm like, damn, I'm like a little scared of him. | ||
| I didn't really know him. | ||
| The first time we met, he had just beat someone's ass. | ||
| His lip was all fucked up and it was quivering. | ||
| He had a cut lip and it was quivering. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I would love to show you some rubber guard shit and come on down to the gym. | ||
| For a second, I thought, man, this guy, he could snap on me. | ||
| He ended up being a super fucking sweetheart. | ||
| He's totally cool. | ||
| I love Alan Belcher. | ||
| But when he tried to punk me... | ||
| What was the premise of it? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I remember he got mad about something. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| But I remember as soon as it started coming, as soon as it happened, he was screaming. | ||
| I turned to the camera and went, No. | ||
| Like he was trying to fight you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It wasn't me. | ||
| What was he saying? | ||
| I was on the outside. | ||
| I was on the outside. | ||
| You were trying to keep him from getting mad about something. | ||
| I think he was going to start a fight with a bouncer or something. | ||
| He was getting nuts with a bouncer. | ||
| And I was going, Oh, no. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| We got a crazy motherfucker on our ass. | ||
| He's gonna fight a bouncer right now. | ||
| That is a problem. | ||
| If you hang out with a certain number of MMA fighters, there's a few, you know, always one or two, that's a loose cannon. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| A couple of drinks get in them, shaking them. | ||
| Junie Browning was at my school last night. | ||
| How's he doing? | ||
| Oh, he's totally cool, man. | ||
| I love Junie Browning. | ||
| But before I actually met him, he was the only guy ever that I saw on The Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| And, you know, we're always backstage running into these guys all the time. | ||
| And that new season comes on, I go, oh, I've got to remember these dudes because I'm going to be running to them all the time. | ||
| I don't want to not know their names and feel like a total douchebag. | ||
| So I'm like watching the show... | ||
| Studying their fighting techniques, seeing what kind of fighter they are and what kind of personality they have. | ||
| When they showed Junie Browning on top, I thought to myself, man, this guy can snap on anybody. | ||
| I don't want to get to know this guy. | ||
| I made the decision in my head, don't get close to that guy. | ||
| Do you remember when you told him that? | ||
| We were in Las Vegas. | ||
| We were eating at the Nine at the Palms. | ||
| And he was a really nice guy. | ||
| And he was a big fan of yours. | ||
| And that's... | ||
| I tried to avoid him. | ||
| I didn't even want to talk to him. | ||
| I just thought from the show they made him seem like a total lunatic, right? | ||
| So, and Sean Tompkins trained him and he just fucked somebody up on a spike show in Vegas and we're at nine. | ||
| The place is packed. | ||
| I see Sean Tompkins walking towards me. | ||
| I'm like, I love Sean Tompkins. | ||
| So as soon as he came up, I like, you know, we gave each other a little hug and I saw that, oh damn, Junie Browning's right behind him and his buddy. | ||
| So I hugged Sean Tompkins and kind of looked the other way, trying to pretend like I didn't notice Junie Browning. | ||
| I'm going, fuck, man. | ||
| Here he comes. | ||
| He's coming right for me. | ||
| Shit, he's with Sean Tompkins. | ||
| I hear him right next to me. | ||
| He's like right over my shoulder. | ||
| And he almost passed me by, but his buddy from Kentucky said, hey, there's Eddie Bravo. | ||
| And I'm like, oh shit, he's going to come up. | ||
| So he tapped me on the shoulder, and I looked over, and I was like, hey, dude, what's going on, dude? | ||
| Great fight. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And I'm thinking, oh shit. | ||
| I'm actually talking to him. | ||
| Holy shit, what's going to happen? | ||
| And then he goes, bro, man, we're always studying your books and smoking weed and... | ||
| And on the mats with your book out. | ||
| I do rubber guard. | ||
| I got a good twister. | ||
| And all of a sudden, I'm like, whoa! | ||
| This guy's a 10th Planet fan. | ||
| All of a sudden, I got to give this guy a chance. | ||
| Maybe I prejudged him. | ||
| And he turned out to be a fucking cool guy, man. | ||
| He's thinking about moving to LA to get away from Vegas. | ||
| He's not partying anymore. | ||
| He just wants to clean up his life and make a big comeback. | ||
| He's still a young kid, right, isn't he? | ||
| He's funny as hell, dude. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| That motherfucker is funny. | ||
| He doesn't have to be drunk after jiu-jitsu. | ||
| We hung out in the parking lot and he made all of us laugh quite a few times He's got some witty-ass shit man. | ||
| He's a cool dude He just you know, he had a bad upbringing his dad used to beat the shit out of him and you're gonna come up You know you're gonna have a little kinks, you know a couple kinks That's all I mean We've run into so many guys over the years that started out like that and then eventually got their shit together, you know One way or another. | ||
| It's fun to watch guys like that evolve and become something better than what they were. | ||
| Like Chris Lieben. | ||
| Perfect example. | ||
| Of a guy who started out as kind of a brawler and now he's like a fucking... | ||
| After you put Aaron Simpson away, he's like a seasoned motherfucker now. | ||
| Triangled Akiyama. | ||
| Yeah, for real. | ||
| Chris Lieben's a bad man. | ||
| He's smart, man. | ||
| And I believe that Junie Browning, I really believe that he's too smart to throw his life away. | ||
| He's that smart. | ||
| If he was an idiot, he might just keep fucking. | ||
| Well, he would benefit from hanging around you, man. | ||
| If you understand troubled childhoods and channeling that shit into something positive and being around positive people, man, that's the most important thing for having a positive life, being around a bunch of other people that are on the same wavelength as you and trying to do the same shit. | ||
| That's one of the cool things about Tenth Planet Jiu-Jitsu in Hollywood is that everyone is super positive there. | ||
| And it all trickles down from you. | ||
| Thank you, sir. | ||
| Well, you know that, right? | ||
| I mean, it all trickles down for me. | ||
| I mean, a lot of places, if you go there and the instructor's kind of douchey, and people can get douchey with each other, and there's none of that at our place. | ||
| Everybody's very cool. | ||
| All I'm doing, really, is acknowledging that everyone has an ego. | ||
| I have an ego. | ||
| Everybody has an ego. | ||
| And I just, every day, I try to do things to keep that ego in check. | ||
| Because if I don't, if I'm not consciously trying to keep it in check, sometimes it just pops up and fucks up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| It rubs off on my students. | ||
| My students are constantly, if their ego flares up, they can catch themselves, they can correct themselves. | ||
| It's a lifelong process, man. | ||
| Everybody has an ego and everyone struggles with it. | ||
| This podcast is a part of that too, man. | ||
| I've talked to a bunch of people that I've met all over the world. | ||
| One of the most important ones was this kid that I met in Boston who's from Ireland. | ||
| Who was explaining that, man, he goes, we don't have anybody like this near me. | ||
| No one talks like this. | ||
| No one gives us this. | ||
| There's no one around that's like a thinker this way, that thinks about life this way, that's open-minded. | ||
| And he goes, and because of this podcast, it's making me like reassess the way I evaluate life and reassess the way I talk and think about things. | ||
| Having guys like you teaching jiu-jitsu, having a podcast like this, it's like a serious connection we have to all these people. | ||
| And they help me too, man. | ||
| I've gotten a bunch of cool tweets from people and inspirational shit and cool articles that people have tweeted me and cool things that people post on the message board. | ||
| It's all like a big thing together. | ||
| It's all a big thing, everybody helping everybody else. | ||
| Yeah, it's so much fun. | ||
| Every day I drive to class, I remind myself on the way to class of how lucky I am. | ||
| This is my job. | ||
| I mean, I don't even look at it like a job. | ||
| Look at it like a job. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| But, I mean, every day is a day off for me, man. | ||
| And I appreciate so much just going to class and everyone's just sitting there and they're waiting for me to teach them how to strangle Like, you know, in an efficient way. | ||
| Like, how fucking lucky am I? I can't believe it every day. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And the cool thing about Jiu-Jitsu for people who don't know is everybody's real friendly to each other, man. | ||
| I mean, people catch people all the time in, you know, in arm bars and chokes and shit like that. | ||
| And, you know, you don't want to get caught, but there's no fights ever break out. | ||
| No bullshit ever happens. | ||
| It's all just, you know, damn, I got caught. | ||
| All right, what did I do wrong? | ||
| Oh, you forgot to put your arm in. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| It's a massive misconception about jujitsu that jujitsu classes are a bunch of meatheads, they're douchebags, they're dickheads, and they think it's like we train in a cage. | ||
| it's a bunch of computer nerds that that are playing the ultimate virtual reality game because if you're into video games and like killing someone by pressing a button but no one's really dying but you enjoy that that feeling jiu-jitsu is the ultimate virtual reality video game it's where we is going to end up the we is feeling more like a baseball bat like a golf club how about you can can actually kill people you know theoretically or you know with jiu-jitsu you put someone in a choke they tap out | ||
| it was like you killed them because if you didn't let them go you would actually kill them and you could learn you can it's It's anybody. | ||
| There's so many jiu-jitsu schools all over the world. | ||
| You can learn how to systematically and scientifically break limbs and put people to sleep. | ||
| There's like over 20 different ways you can put someone to sleep just with the neck. | ||
| You know, there's probably more. | ||
| I'm just guessing at least 20. All these different chokes. | ||
| So many different variations of guillotines and darses and jacks. | ||
| And it becomes just a really fun game too. | ||
| It's an amazing game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a killing game. | ||
| It's a game where, I mean... | ||
| I hurt my arm a couple of weeks ago, but for the most part, when you get involved in serious rolling with somebody, everybody's fine when it's over. | ||
| You get caught with something, you just tap, and 99% of the time, you're fine. | ||
| Every now and then, you'll get something and something will get tweaked, or your knee will get twisted. | ||
| I know you had a knee problem that happened recently. | ||
| Both my knees are fucked. | ||
| But it's so fun, you never think about stopping doing it. | ||
| You just think, man, I can't wait for myself to heal up. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So I can get back in. | ||
| You're like, fuck. | ||
| When you tweak something, you're like, goddammit, I'll probably be out in a couple weeks. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| And it's just fun. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| I mean, think about this. | ||
| You have to work out. | ||
| Everybody has to work out. | ||
| If you're in perfect shape, you have to maintain. | ||
| You have to keep working out. | ||
| Why not work out and learn how to take people out, put them to sleep at the same time? | ||
| And it's the ultimate video game. | ||
| It's exercise. | ||
| You learn some serious self-defense that can come up at any time in your life. | ||
| It's valuable and it gives you so much confidence. | ||
| And it's so much fun. | ||
| It kills video games. | ||
| And then you meet a lot of great people that have their ego in check because if you don't have... | ||
| If you don't have your ego in check, then those people don't survive jujitsu. | ||
| The tapping is a douchebag filter, the tapping. | ||
| Because dudes, it's where their ego rules them. | ||
| They can't jump on the mat and get tapped out. | ||
| They run from it. | ||
| Or they get on the edge of the mat and they're like, no way am I going to... | ||
| Let people tap me out. | ||
| And they really don't know what's going on. | ||
| But subconsciously, the fear of being dominated and tapping out by losing, looking like a weakling, that scares people away. | ||
| You got to look at it like you're just learning. | ||
| Of course, you're going to get tapped out in the beginning. | ||
| And the more you come, the more dedicated you are. | ||
| As time passes, you start tapping dudes out occasionally. | ||
| But still, you're usually tapping. | ||
| You're a beginner. | ||
| But ultimately, one or two years, man, you can minimize those taps. | ||
| And you're If you did jiu-jitsu for two years, the odds are, in a street fight, one-on-one, the odds are, way on your side. | ||
| Way on your side. | ||
| Anything could happen in a street fight, but man, a guy that's trained jiu-jitsu two years against a guy who has zero training on the ground? | ||
| Hmm... | ||
| Another great aspect of it is that it calms down your body and it makes you realize how much of it influences stress and just the fact that we have this ancient chimpanzee hardware in our system. | ||
| Our bodies are set up for hunting and gathering and carrying things and Our bodies are set up to exert a certain amount of energy, and if you don't exert a certain amount of energy with your body, your body starts to betray you, and you start to get really stressful, and you start to snap at things that you wouldn't ordinarily snap at, or you shouldn't rationally be upset about. | ||
| It allows you to put things into perspective. | ||
| It calms your body down. | ||
| That's very important, man. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| Are you saying Jiu-Jitsu is better than Quake? | ||
| Are you going to start that? | ||
| There's a bunch of people put a bunch of videos of cool video games that are out there, man. | ||
| Fuck, you know, like to try to tell me that there's all these different video games. | ||
| Man, there's some insane shit. | ||
| There's this one, I don't know the name of it, but they were, it was like, it looked like they were in the jungle. | ||
| And they were like near some, like, it looked like some Mayan temples and shit. | ||
| The graphics are insane. | ||
| Russian attack? | ||
| I don't know what it is, man. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I don't remember what it is. | ||
| Someone put just, you know, a demo up. | ||
| And then someone put Crisis. | ||
| Oh, Fallout, I bet. | ||
| I don't know what it was. | ||
| But the demo was insane. | ||
| And then Crisis was another one that was pretty interesting. | ||
| A bunch of dudes running around shooting people. | ||
| But then I put a video. | ||
| I went to watch a video of Quake online. | ||
| And I go back to what I said. | ||
| I don't know It's just, I understand that these games are beautiful. | ||
| I understand these games have all these cool things you can do. | ||
| There's the latest version of Quake, though, right? | ||
| It's Quake 4, yeah. | ||
| All I want to do is fuck people up in one-on-one deathmatches. | ||
| That's what I like to do. | ||
| But yeah, you're... | ||
| I don't know, that's not even talking. | ||
| I understand what you're saying, man. | ||
| No, I'm just saying that if you like deathmatches, they've taken the formula of deathmatch and just added on to it for like the last 15, 20 years or whatever, how long... | ||
| Well, Quake 3 was... | ||
| I mean, Quake 4 was 2,000-something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was like 2005 or 2006. Alright, so for the last five, six months... | |
| Maybe I should... | ||
| I might not be... | ||
| But they've just taken the formula. | ||
| They even used the same engine on Call of Duty when it first came out. | ||
| And they've just improved it, improved it, improved it. | ||
| And a lot of these games... | ||
| Last week I wasn't talking about keyboard and mouse. | ||
| The games are better now. | ||
| People still do those driving games? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| To me, though, what's fun to me about video games, I understand all that, but what's fun to me is just I got addicted straight up to one-on-one matches and even team death matches. | ||
| Just the fact that you have this incredibly precise control over the environment. | ||
| Yeah, you're more like the pool statistic version of the video games. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's a very small majority. | ||
| Yeah, most people like to play football games, and the controller's perfect for that. | ||
| With Quake games, those one-on-one first-person shooters, it's just so precise. | ||
| It's so addictive, man. | ||
| When you were talking about, was your cousins addicted to games? | ||
| No, my nephew. | ||
| Man, when I was a little kid, if they'd hit me with some Quake, I would've lost my life. | ||
| I would've never got into martial arts. | ||
| I would've never got productive with my life. | ||
| I would've never paid attention in school. | ||
| Joe, there's a game on Steam that you can play on your Mac that has nothing to do with it, but I want you to... | ||
| Next time you're bored and you just want to spend... | ||
| Because it's a really short game, so you can't get addicted to it. | ||
| Like, literally, you could beat it in, like, six hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| But it's called Portal. | ||
| Six hours? | ||
| Jesus, I ain't got six hours. | ||
| I got kids, motherfucker. | ||
| No, no, I mean, but six hours spread up for, like, months. | ||
| That's an addiction right there. | ||
| That game alone will set your mind racing to how crazy video games are nowadays. | ||
| What is the best one right now? | ||
| If I wanted to get something for an Xbox and something that's just going to blow my fucking mind, Gears of War? | ||
| For you, I would probably go with more of a Borderlands or something like that. | ||
| What is Borderlands? | ||
| I would actually find a game that you could play on your Mac. | ||
| A game like Call of Duty that you can play. | ||
| I think Call of Duty 4 is on there. | ||
| There's a couple scenes from Call of Duty 4 that will blow your fucking mind. | ||
| There's a red one, red something cowboy one. | ||
| Don't get that. | ||
| That's shit. | ||
| What is that one? | ||
| It's just Grand Theft Auto, but using a horse and cowboy. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| It's called Red Dead Dawn or something like that. | ||
| I gave it a chance, but I was like, alright, this is Grand Theft Auto. | ||
| I don't want to play it anymore. | ||
| That was a hugely successful game, though. | ||
| It's just people like that formula. | ||
| I'm sure it's bigger and better than Grand Theft Auto, but for me, I just played it and I'm like, I'm done with that. | ||
| I don't want to play that anymore. | ||
| I'm over that. | ||
| They say that EA martial arts game is a bust. | ||
| Nobody's buying it. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I still haven't played the UFC. Do you have like a box of... | |
| I'll give you one. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| There's a new one we're working on right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joey Diaz. | |
| Who do you think this is? | ||
| Joey Diaz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| Pick up the phone, cocksucker. | ||
| That's not what happened. | ||
| Go back to that Alex Jones transcript. | ||
| So your call's gone. | ||
| That's Brian Callen. | ||
| Brian Callen must have just gotten to the tank right before we were going to do the podcast. | ||
| He was about to get in the tank for the first time. | ||
| Oh, that's what it was, Brian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| No, not here. | ||
| No, at the place in Venice. | ||
| The headquarters. | ||
| Floatlab.com. | ||
| So I think what we got out of today is that Eddie Bravo loves UFOs. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| And Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| I love them like bunnies. | ||
| And Brian loves cats. | ||
| And one hit of weed instead of three. | ||
| You got too high today? | ||
| No, I'm just saying that I liked my high today with one hit. | ||
| I think that's all I need to do for now. | ||
| No, no more than two. | ||
| And if there are going to be two, it's two light ones. | ||
| Your shit fucking fucked me up this weekend, by the way. | ||
| We smoked before we went on stage. | ||
| Oh, we should talk about that. | ||
| We smoked, and then Joey Diaz told me five minutes later, going, oh, I might put you up on stage. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| I'm going to... | ||
| Sold out Joe Rogan's show? | ||
| No! | ||
| So I was completely baked out of my mind the first couple days. | ||
| Well, what we did this weekend, what was different, was we took Esther on the road. | ||
| It was little Esther, who's Brian's friend, who's a... | ||
| She's an emerging stand-up comedian in LA, and she's only 22 years old. | ||
| She's only been doing comedy like two years. | ||
| And we just said, well, it's just fucking just for an experiment. | ||
| See what it's like to take this kid and throw her up in front of a real crowd. | ||
| She did great. | ||
| Yeah, she killed it. | ||
| Littleester.com. | ||
| Dude, she's fucking good, man. | ||
| She's confident and smooth. | ||
| And for someone who's only been doing comedy for two years, she's way better than I was two years into it. | ||
| And I told her that. | ||
| When I was two years into it, I was a mess. | ||
| I was a clunky, fucking goofy mess. | ||
| Is it okay that she's... | ||
| Is she known for looking really young? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's one of her characters. | ||
| Yeah, she looks like she's 12. Seriously. | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Esther? | ||
| Little Esther. | ||
| Little Esther? | ||
| Her feet, seriously, are smaller than my hands. | ||
| I smell like they're twice as big. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| What the fuck, bro? | ||
| Why are you throwing her under the bus, man? | ||
| She's funny, man. | ||
| She's hilarious. | ||
| She did a good job. | ||
| And you did a good job, too, man. | ||
| It was interesting watching you loosen up from the first set you did on Thursday night to the last set you did on Saturday night, which was your best one. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I have something to admit to you, Joe. | ||
| That second set Saturday, I acted like I smoked marijuana before I went on stage, before I went on stage. | ||
| The second shot? | ||
| Oh, you didn't really smoke it? | ||
| No, because I was like, no, and you were like, do it, do it! | ||
| And I'm like, no, I don't want that. | ||
| So the best show that you had was the one where you weren't high. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You weren't high at all? | ||
| No, high at all. | ||
| You must have been a little high still for the first show. | ||
| Well, from the first time, but that was like three hours. | ||
| So it had leveled off. | ||
| It was because you were nervous. | ||
| Weed isn't that great when you're nervous, man. | ||
| And he realized that, that you were probably high and got paranoid. | ||
| Well, I was getting high... | ||
| And then going on stage five minutes later, that's not a good mix for me. | ||
| It's not a good mix for the podcast either. | ||
| Many times we get high right before we do the podcast, like today. | ||
| The first words out of my mouth are like... | ||
| They don't come out that good. | ||
| But right now, we're two hours in, it's all smooth. | ||
| But once you're killing and you're really confident and you can't wait to go on stage, then the weed will take you through the roof. | ||
| Yeah, but even then, you've got to make sure you don't get too high. | ||
| I think Red Bull and Vodka, one or two of them before on stage, is the key ingredient for stand-up comedy. | ||
| One or two Red Bulls and vodka? | ||
| Red Bull vodkas, yeah. | ||
| I like a little bit of weed and some calisthenics. | ||
| Yeah, my best teaching always comes from me being high when I teach. | ||
| Because I'm so confident with it that it adds to it. | ||
| I'll be pissed off. | ||
| I don't have weed right now, and I didn't... | ||
| I didn't teach class today, Stone. | ||
| This morning, I didn't teach class. | ||
| I felt pretty good. | ||
| I mean, I feel it was a good class, but I always feel like when I'm high, it's just... | ||
| Like, I don't want the class to end. | ||
| I want her to keep going. | ||
| I want more time. | ||
| When I'm in that space and in that zone, like, shit, I'm running out of time. | ||
| There's so much I've got to say and show. | ||
| When we did the Alex Jones show, we got high in the car right before we went in there. | ||
| Really high. | ||
| We went like three hits. | ||
| Alex Jones show would be cool high, though. | ||
| Well, it's bewildering, though, because when we walked in, you know, I walked in, Joe, they're about to de- We're going to devalue the dollar. | ||
| They're going to take the dollar away. | ||
| It's been proven. | ||
| It's here in Forbes. | ||
| They're x-raying your home. | ||
| They're driving by in vans. | ||
| And they're taking photos of you irradiating your house with deadly radiation that can give cancer. | ||
| These poor people... | ||
| So it's like you go from right out of the car. | ||
| Everybody's laughing. | ||
| We're talking shit. | ||
| We're breaking down country music. | ||
| There was like some ridiculous country music song. | ||
| You know, but lonely girls make the best lovers. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We're laughing our asses off, and then you go right in there. | ||
| Death, destruction, New World Order, elites, global warming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was he saying about radiation and all that sort of thing? | |
| This is a crazy fucking real thing they're doing where they're driving through neighborhoods and they're blasting these cars with these super powerful x-rays from these vans. | ||
| And they're looking inside vehicles. | ||
| They have photos of this shit. | ||
| It was in Forbes magazine. | ||
| He pulls up the story and shows it to me. | ||
| And they're doing it to houses too. | ||
| They just drive by and point this fucking crazy x-ray gun at cars and see right through them. | ||
| They show all these photos of people looking at bricks of cocaine in the back of a van. | ||
| I'm like, this is nuts, man. | ||
| They can shoot x-rays through these vans. | ||
| It just makes me really wonder, though, how people go on the radiation, like what exactly, how strong it is. | ||
| Because, like, the other day I was talking to my dentist, and he said, like, you know, this radiation is about equal to standing next to a microwave. | ||
| That's what he said? | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| I forget, I don't know what it is. | ||
| So you should wear a lead vest when you microwaves a popcorn? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what that's for. | ||
| But he said it's not that big a deal. | ||
| That's why he's not wearing a lead vest, you know? | ||
| Well, the crazy thing is that there's radiation around us all the time, right? | ||
| Right, like your cell phones. | ||
| There's radiation coming from space and... | ||
| Microwaving your brain every time you put it up to your ear. | ||
| Yeah, no one knows what's happening with those, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What happens, though, when you're in your car, though, and you've got a hands-free? | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| Well, not when you have your phone between your crotch. | ||
| You know, when you're driving. | ||
| You're cooking your dick. | ||
| There was a study released recently that said that laptops cook your balls. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They cook your sperm. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Makes your sperm ineffective. | ||
| If you have your laptop on your lap? | ||
| Yeah, you're cooking your balls. | ||
| But not up there. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| No, it's because of the heat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The heat. | |
| The heat cooks your balls. | ||
| Yeah, I never put my laptop on my lap. | ||
| Yeah, I got this thing for that very reason. | ||
| I got this little pad that sits on the laptop. | ||
| It makes it more comfortable anyway because the bottom is soft so it sort of molds to your legs. | ||
| And with that note, do you got that Italian song? | ||
| No, it says YouTube user does not allow mobile views or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So sad. | ||
| Is this it? | ||
| That would have been the perfect ending. | ||
| What is this you're playing? | ||
| Fatboy Slim again. | ||
| Another Fatboy Slim? | ||
| Well, it's the same thing. | ||
| It sounds like you love him. | ||
| It's like a two-hour... | ||
| If you go to his website, it's called Fatboy Slim Summer Mix, and it's just a free download. | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| I think you love him like Eddie loves UFOs. | ||
| I think I do, too. | ||
| Not that much. | ||
| Alright, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning into the podcast. | ||
| Next week, we're in Ann Arbor, Michigan. | ||
| It's me and Tommy Segura at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. | ||
| You're going to have to find where that shit is. | ||
| I don't know where it is. | ||
| It's like an hour from Detroit. | ||
| But we're doing two shows, 1, 8, and 10.30. | ||
| It's on my Twitter. | ||
| It's on JoeRogan.net. | ||
| Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring this podcast. | ||
| As always, you can go to JoeRogan.net and enter into the code, I believe it's Rogan, right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Rogan. | ||
| You get 15% off, so you can fuck that shit, yo. | ||
| It's the best thing ever. | ||
| Eddie Bravo, thank you very much for coming on, as always, my friend. | ||
| And if people want to reach you, 10thplanetjj.com. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And on Twitter, it's at Eddie Bravo, and of course, Brian Redband, at Redband, if you want to tell Little Esther that you were in Austin, Texas, and you thought she was awesome, and you were so proud of her. | ||
| She's Little Esther. | ||
| Listen to her on Adam Cole tomorrow. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| When is that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Just... | ||
| She's blowing the fuck up. | ||
| The kid's blowing up. | ||
| She's on Adam Carolla. | ||
| We had her here first, bitch. | ||
| We took her on the road. | ||
| She's talented. | ||
| Some things are going to happen. | ||
| Joey Diaz is madflavor on Twitter. | ||
| Thank you everybody. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| We'll see you next week. | ||
| Love you, bitches. | ||
| See ya later. |
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