Sept. 2, 2010 - The Joe Rogan Experience
15:51
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| ...out there have the answer, a real solid answer for the Chael Sonnens. | ||
| But isn't that weird that BJ would not have a guard like that? | ||
| That he wouldn't have this ninja assassin guard? | ||
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Like Shinya Yoki? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like... | ||
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You know why? | |
| Because he didn't... | ||
| And I would say this. | ||
| I mean, I've told this to BJ, too. | ||
| I'm like, you know what? | ||
|
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If you stay at 55, there's really no reason to master any kind of guard. | |
| Just get back up. | ||
| You're better than everybody standing up. | ||
| Nobody at 55 can take you down. | ||
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Even big wrestlers can't take you down. | |
| I even thought he doesn't really need to focus on his guard. | ||
| I thought he didn't need to develop. | ||
| He was interested in the rubber guard, and he fucks with it a little bit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But I'm sure he felt like no one's going to put me on my fucking back. | ||
| And maybe now, now that he knows, like, shit, these fighters are getting so much better and there's so many wrestlers out there, you really have to have the answer for Chael Sonnen and for, like, Frankie Edgar and for these elite wrestlers, like what he did to Florian. | ||
| He took them down and got on top. | ||
| When they talk about your guard, the only answer for the elite wrestler, and they're all over the top ten of every UFC weight division, the only answer, or one of the only, there's only a couple answers. | ||
| And one of them is having a, when they talk about your guard, they don't say that it's just, oh man, he's got an okay guard, it's a decent guard. | ||
| They have to say your guard is a fucking amazing, like, don't go on his guard. | ||
| Your guard has to be like Ryan Hall. | ||
| Your guard has to be like Shinya Yoke. | ||
| You don't want to fucking be, you're afraid. | ||
| Like Anthony Pettis and Shane Roller, when Anthony Pettis slapped on that triangle. | ||
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Exactly. | |
| You have to have a super dangerous guard. | ||
| If people don't talk about your guard like it's amazing and it's fucking crazy, wicked, and it's one of the best guards in your division, then you're not good enough. | ||
| You don't have the answer for the elite wrestler. | ||
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Most of the time. | |
| Sometimes you throw up a, you know, a pop triangle and it lands. | ||
| Like Anderson Silva made it work in the fifth round. | ||
| Chris Lieben made that pop triangle work in, you know, the Noguera style of triangle. | ||
| It worked. | ||
| That works. | ||
| It does work, but not at the highest rate. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of other things that you could do as well to add to that already game, you know, to those Noguera triangles. | ||
| You could mix it all up. | ||
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There's a lot of things you can do. | |
| Just look at what Shinya Yoki has done. | ||
| Look at what Dustin Hazlett has done. | ||
| Look at what Matt Horwich has done. | ||
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Just pay attention. | |
| It's out there. | ||
| You can watch it on YouTube. | ||
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You can do it too. | |
| You need to have the answer for the elite wrestler. | ||
| And, man, having a crazy, wicked guard can be the answer. | ||
| What do you think about James Toney? | ||
| I ran into the gas station. | ||
| It's amazing that you lived in the same hood. | ||
| You know, I was pulling for him at first. | ||
| Were you? | ||
| Well, I thought that these MMA guys really didn't know. | ||
| When you're a boxer and you're that high a rate of a boxer, you really don't know. | ||
| These guys can hit in their hands and their timing and their fights and shit. | ||
| But when I watched the countdown was when I was like, he didn't work. | ||
| He didn't work. | ||
| He got a great opportunity to represent boxing, but he didn't work. | ||
| You don't think he worked out? | ||
| Lost a lot of weight. | ||
| He lost 15 pounds in five months. | ||
| If you're rolling, Eddie's student lost 60 in a couple months. | ||
| If you're really fucking rolling, and let's say you take this guy on, you got four months. | ||
| The first month, all you're doing with him, you're not working his hands. | ||
| They're already there. | ||
| So you're basically working him getting up and just rolling. | ||
| Little things. | ||
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Surviving on the back. | |
| Surviving. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| All those things. | ||
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All day. | |
| You know, when I used to go to judo when I was a kid, I was skinny as shit. | ||
| Because the hardest thing about judo isn't flipping. | ||
| It's every time you get up and fucking down. | ||
| You get up and down 50 times a day. | ||
| You'll get skinny. | ||
| This guy didn't do that. | ||
| He got some guy from the FBI to come in and train him. | ||
| That guy? | ||
| You know, what the fuck? | ||
| Oh, he's dangerous. | ||
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Did you see that shit? | |
| You know, I'm in Hollywood with Liddell. | ||
| I'm rolling. | ||
| I'm rolling with Einstein. | ||
| I'm learning the basics. | ||
| Bro, how much can I learn in four months to get me out of a mess? | ||
| That's what I'm learning. | ||
| He didn't know any better. | ||
| He didn't know. | ||
| He didn't know when he got a guy from the FBI that God knows that they fucking paid him. | ||
| Have you ever seen that guy who trained the Kempo videos of him online? | ||
| Doing Kempo? | ||
| With who? | ||
| Where guys come behind him and cut his legs and stuff. | ||
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James Toney? | |
| The guy who trained James Toney? | ||
| Yeah, it's on the underground. | ||
| Is James Toney actually doing it? | ||
| Well, I mean, look, the guy set up a program for him, but what does the guy know for real? | ||
| What he really needed to do was go to Colorado Springs and train at the Olympic Training Center. | ||
| You need to get a guy who's a fucking jujitsu master to come with him. | ||
| Okay, these guys are going to take you down. | ||
| You're going to do your best to stop the takedown. | ||
| Then once they get you taken down, then you're going to work your guard. | ||
| That's what you need to do. | ||
| Just get taken down and try to submit those. | ||
| I got a guy from the FBI, man. | ||
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He's from the Federal Bureau of Instigation, man. | |
| He takes down motherfuckers all the time on a daily basis. | ||
| When I watched the countdown show, what was very clear to me is that the guys he was working out with We're letting him do things for the camera and that they weren't elite grapplers. | ||
| They were letting him do things. | ||
| I was like, ah! | ||
| It was a demonstration. | ||
| Anytime James rolled over, like, ah, I can't believe he's doing this. | ||
| It's like they were letting him do it. | ||
| They were putting on a show and letting James throw them around. | ||
| I was like, this is silly. | ||
| He might not know anything about grappling. | ||
| There was this dude that fought Javi Vasquez back at my first King of the Cage show in 2000. He comes out and claims he's a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. | ||
| He's this French karate guy. | ||
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And he thought back then, he just thought it was 2000. Like, you could just say shit like that. | |
| And so Javi said, I'll take the... | ||
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He said he's been training jiu-jitsu 12 years and he's a black belt under Hoist Gracie. | |
| That's what he was telling Terry Tribblecock. | ||
| And Terry's going, I think we got a live one here. | ||
| He calls up Hoist Gracie Academy. | ||
| They never heard of the guy. | ||
| The guy's bullshitting. | ||
| He's trying to scare Javi into going to the ground with him. | ||
| And Javi was a purple belt, but a mad destroyer on the local Southern California scene. | ||
| He would go up to Santa Cruz as well and smash. | ||
| He was the fucking destroyer of the purple belts division. | ||
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And there wasn't very many browns and blacks at that point. | |
| And he was going to go against this guy who claimed to be a black belt. | ||
| Dude, Javi took him down, and the guy had no training, dude. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| He just laid flat on his back, and he tapped really quick. | ||
| Javi pounded him a couple times, and he just tapped, and it was over. | ||
| It's like, what the fuck was that? | ||
| That's an interesting story, but a much more interesting story is the other guy that we know. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, yeah, there was a dude we knew his his fake name was Rafael Tori. | ||
| Yeah, but his real name was his real name Damn, I don't remember but he told people he he taught karate did karate his whole life And he taught karate and he told people he was a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu This guy Eddie was hanging around with this guy. | ||
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They were you were he was doing it was half Brazilian He said the website, right? | |
| He was a writer No, he was a writer. | ||
| He was probably one of the most popular journalists back then on the underground. | ||
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I mean, Rafael Toro was all over the underground. | |
| It was 2000. It was still in the dark ages. | ||
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So it was easy for a guy to bust up. | |
| And he was on speed all the time. | ||
| I didn't know this until, like, you know... | ||
| So he would work hard. | ||
| Dude, he would always have shit and Pride loved him. | ||
| He always had reports. | ||
| He always had interviews. | ||
| He would always speed it up. | ||
| Oh, dude, he was probably one of the top three writers in all of MMA. Well, I remember he was very productive and he was doing his version of gonzo journalism for MMA, like asking MMA fighters if they like anal sex. | ||
| It was like being real crazy. | ||
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Yeah, that was my shit. | |
| So it turned out that this dude wasn't really a black belt at all. | ||
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And he wasn't half Brazilian. | |
| Yeah, it was all crazy. | ||
| We were driving and Eddie had this confrontation with him on the phone. | ||
| To make a long story short, homeboy winds up killing some dude, strangling him to death. | ||
| The husband of this chick that he's banging... | ||
| And he winds up going to jail for it. | ||
| I mean, he was a murderer. | ||
| He got this guy... | ||
| For insurance money, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The wife of this guy that he strangled, they decided to set this up and he choked the guy to death. | ||
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Yeah. | |
| Killed the guy with a rear naked choke. | ||
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How ironic is it that his black belt wasn't legit, but he killed someone with a rear naked choke. | |
| Yeah. | ||
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You know what I mean? | |
| Poor guy. | ||
| He did the job. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Poor guy he killed and trained at all and probably didn't even see it coming. | ||
| He just jumped him and choked the shit out of him. | ||
| Can you imagine, Matt, man? | ||
| Your fucking wife is banging some other dude and that dude comes to your house and kills you. | ||
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He didn't go to his house. | |
| He lured him into his gym. | ||
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Yep, to his gym. | |
| Yeah. | ||
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Fuck. | |
| I testified on that trial. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
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Yes! | |
| You had to go to court? | ||
| I had to go to court and just finger him. | ||
| They called to me. | ||
| They called me. | ||
| The cops called me because I called Gerald once. | ||
| And when I was talking to Gerald on the phone, the phone was being tapped. | ||
| And Gerald and I are talking about his possibility of him fighting the UFC. Who does he want to fight? | ||
| This and that. | ||
| And Rafael Torre's name comes up. | ||
| And I'm like, what's going on with that dude? | ||
| And so Gerald was being tapped. | ||
| different people about it and then everybody that he talked to on the phone they had to talk to the cops but I didn't really know anything I didn't know the guy I just knew the guy through Eddie fortunately I don't want to fucking go to court about that so what did you have to say? | ||
| yeah that guy's fake He's a liar. | ||
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Basically, he's not Rafael Torres. | |
| I forget the questions they made me ask, but dude, I hung out with that. | ||
| He was always brought in on whatever show I was commentating, whether it was King of the Cage or Pride, or even Too Hot to Handle. | ||
| He was always the reporter who's going to blow up. | ||
| Too Hot to Handle was in Holland, right? | ||
| Yeah, that's the one I talked about with Boss Ruten. | ||
| Yeah, it was him and Boss. | ||
| Dude, and he was so busy. | ||
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He was so amped up on speed. | |
| He always had articles and... | ||
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To blow up shows, you bring Raphael Torre, and he'll blow it all up all over the internet right now. | |
| Always on speed, huh? | ||
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Yep. | |
| How'd you find out he was always on speed? | ||
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It came out later. | |
| You know in the trial? | ||
| Ari took an Adderall and says it's the fucking greatest thing ever for getting things done. | ||
| He said he just cleaned out his whole house. | ||
| It's like speed, dude. | ||
| Why does speed help you get organized? | ||
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How does that work? | |
| How does it give you fucking energy? | ||
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What the fuck? | |
| You feel like you can do anything. | ||
| You just want to paint the fucking house. | ||
| You want to go to college. | ||
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Let's drive to fucking Louisiana. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Is it bad for you? | ||
| Is it bad for you? | ||
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Dude. | |
| Come on, it's gotta be. | ||
| It's gotta be, right? | ||
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It's gotta be. | |
| What comes up must come down, right? | ||
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Dude, anything that speeds you out has gotta be bad for you. | |
| That's like super, but it's not just super speeds you out, it makes you really organized. | ||
| Robert Schimmel told me once, he took one accidentally, and he said he just started organizing all of his notes. | ||
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That's what happens when you do speed, too. | |
| You work. | ||
| I would think that you could use that, though, as a tool, if you could really make sure you didn't do too much of it and didn't fuck up your whole system and short-circuit everything. | ||
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Every now and then. | |
| But the problem is you come down so hard that you want more. | ||
| Do you come down hard from Adderall? | ||
| I don't know about Adderall, but anything speedy usually comes up. | ||
| Anything that goes up comes down. | ||
| Oh yeah, hard. | ||
| I have a buddy who's on it every day. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| What does he say? | ||
| I have a buddy who's on it every day. | ||
| He said he loves it. | ||
| Helps him organize. | ||
| Helps him work. | ||
| And he's pretty fucking ambitious. | ||
| He's a hard worker. | ||
| But he said he was just really listless and couldn't get anything going on. | ||
| And they got him on the Adderall. | ||
| And then BAM! You know, he just couldn't focus and concentrate on things. | ||
| He just had a hard time committing to things and concentrating on things. | ||
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Who knows? | |
| Maybe it works different than speed, because speed somehow... | ||
| I don't know how it works, really. | ||
| Well, caffeine is speed, and that's the fuel of the capitalist society. | ||
| I mean, look, we're the people who drink coffee every day. | ||
| In every union contract, they negotiate a time where you could take a drug. | ||
| There's a fucking coffee break. | ||
| Union contracts have coffee break time. | ||
| What is a coffee break? | ||
| Coffee break is when you're at work. | ||
| It's fucking 11 a.m. | ||
| It's not quite lunch yet. | ||
| Coffee truck pulls up and you get a chance to take fucking 5-10 minutes off and fuel up on some stimulants. | ||
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It's good for the company. | |
| You come back all jazzed and charged. | ||
| And you work harder, you feel better, and you feel like you got another little break. | ||
| Union things is one thing they figured out that was smart. | ||
| Look, everybody doesn't have to be a slave. | ||
| People will go against unions, say unions fuck up business, and unions, they don't work hard, and they make too much money, and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| They make work easier, and that's good. | ||
| It's not good to have people work like fucking slaves. | ||
| Wouldn't it be better if they got a little bit less done, but everybody was more happy? | ||
| Wouldn't that be better? | ||
| If they get a nice coffee break and get to relax for an hour for lunch, where they don't feel like they're getting tortured all day. | ||
| Maybe if they have some shit to do during lunch, they can go somewhere and fucking pay a bill or pick up a fucking thing that they were supposed to buy. | ||
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How fast do those hours go by? | |
| God damn it. | ||
| The hour break? | ||
| Hour break ain't shit. | ||
| We're talking about coffee break. | ||
| Is it smoke break yet? | ||
| Is it 420? | ||
| It's 420 on the knock, bitches. | ||
| We gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
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It's 420 on the dot. | |
| It is. | ||
| That's how Joey ends it. | ||
| I don't fuck around. | ||
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I said Joe Rogan, this podcast, 2 to 420. That's the move. | |
| 420, we gotta do it. | ||
| Because 420, I got shit to do and people to see. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
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You know what? | |
| I didn't even fucking thank the pot, the fleshlight, for sponsoring this. | ||
| Are we doing this next Wednesday, though? | ||
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Fuck yeah, son. | |
| Next Wednesday, doing this as often as we can. | ||
| And this fucking, this camera sucks, man. | ||
| I got a camera that auto-focuses. | ||
| And so there you go. | ||
| You got to move before it goes into focus again. | ||
| Hey, we'd like to thank the flashlight. | ||
| Don't fuck your hand no more. | ||
| Fuck the flashlight. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Why fuck your hands? | ||
| They're worn out after 18 years. | ||
| Give them a fucking break. | ||
| Work your muffler with that and you can fuck the flashlight straight up. | ||
| It comes in colors. | ||
| What's the website, Joe Rogan? | ||
| Fleshlight.com. | ||
| And listen, Joey's not even speaking to the Voice of Experience. | ||
| I personally have fucked one. | ||
| I've never fucked the flashlight. | ||
| Fleshlight. | ||
| Fleshlight. | ||
| Eddie Bravo's fucked one. | ||
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Yeah, I've had one for a while. | |
| But I've had like a fake flashlight. | ||
| I've had this thing, the tarantella. | ||
| When you do it like this, then you roll it like this. | ||
| It's kind of like a fucking flashlight. | ||
| So, send me one, cocksuck, and I'll use it on camera. | ||
| That's how I roll. | ||
| And yes, people on Twitter, please stop sending me the video of the chimp fucking the monkey like it's a flesh. | ||
| Or the monkey fucking the frog. | ||
| A flashlight is probably better than a frog. | ||
| Yeah, we need to get those chimps frogs. | ||
| Dude, what if the frog feels awesome? | ||
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Would you do it? | |
| No. | ||
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Come up for the show? | |
| No. | ||
| No, I don't want to fuck a frog. | ||
| But it didn't die. | ||
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It's got to kill the frog. | |
| Maybe it doesn't. | ||
| Maybe it deep throats it. | ||
| Have you seen the size of their fucking throats? | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| There's a girl, iDeepthroat.com. | ||
| I think her name is Heather. | ||
| She's like famous online for her ability to swallow cock. | ||
| It's always her husband's cock. | ||
| It's always like he films her sucking his dick all over the world, right? | ||
| In bathrooms, everywhere. | ||
| And she just goes straight down to the balls. | ||
| These guys got a big dick. | ||
| She goes straight down to the balls and just licking his balls while his dick just disappears in her mouth. | ||
| But the problem is you see a girl like that in video. | ||
| Totally sets up your expectations. | ||
| Way too high. | ||
| How many chicks can do that? | ||
| Is she sponsored by Fleshlight? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's the bits that should be sponsored by Fleshlight. | ||
| No, she's a human Fleshlight. | ||
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She can't get to anybody until she gets to your town. | |
| Use the Fleshlight. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| What? | ||
| Love you, cocksuckers. | ||
| Anyway, if you go to Fleshlight.com, there's a link. | ||
| If you go to JoeRogan.net, supposedly, if you go off that link, you get 15% off and It really is better than beating off. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| You know you beat off. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| You know we all do. | ||
| Just stop being shy. | ||
| Get one of those. | ||
| It's excellent. | ||
| If $60 is well invested, you'll enjoy your nut sessions. | ||
| To the creators of Fleshlight, you guys need to think of a thing where you can close it up and then throw it into your washer and it washes through on its own. | ||
| It's the cleanup. | ||
| Take notes. | ||
| It's the cleanup that sucks. | ||
| Yeah, it's a little annoying, but it's worth it. | ||
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You can put it in a dishwasher, you know what I mean? | |
| You can't be lazy, bro. | ||
| You can't have a self-cleaning flashlight. | ||
| The last thing I want to do after a nut from a jerk-off session is clean some shit up. | ||
| Is that my Samurai DVD? Samurai CD. Yeah. | ||
| And we didn't give them a music video this week either. | ||
| We'll give you one next week. | ||
| That's on Musashi. | ||
| I love you, cocksuckers. | ||
| Miyamoto Musashi, a film by Hiroshi Inagaki. | ||
| A 10th Planet Kush 19 is up right now. | ||
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Just went up today. | |
| 10th Planet Kush 19 on YouTube. | ||
| Thank you everybody who came to Boston this week. | ||
| We had a great fucking time at the Wilbur Theatre. | ||
| That was awesome. | ||
| Thank you everybody that tunes into the podcast. | ||
| I love you bitches. | ||
| And we will continue to provide free entertainment to you as long as it's fun and it's fun as fuck. | ||
| So we're going to keep doing it. | ||
| Thank you very much everybody. |
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