All Episodes
June 5, 2024 - Jimmy Dore Show
59:54
20240605_TJDS_20240605_Podcast_-_6524_11.54AM
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Hey, I'll see you in Rutherford, New Jersey, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Ontario, California, Davenport, Iowa, Las Vegas, Chicago, and Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Go to JimmyDoor.com for a link for a ticket.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Watch Cooking Chef Boy R.D. It's George Clooney on the phone, The Cloons.
Oh, hey, God.
Hey, God.
Hi, George.
Friend of the show, George Clooney.
Best friend of the show.
Hey, I was listening the whole time during the live feed there.
You really read Joe Biden, The Riot Act at the end there.
Yeah, well, it had to be said.
I mean, need I remind you, that's the present United States you were talking to.
I don't think you're allowed to do that.
I'm Jimmy Friggin' Door, bitch.
Okay.
But you're not going to dress me down like that, are you?
I'm intimidated over here.
I don't know, George.
Have you ever been complicit in an overseas genocide?
Not that I know of.
Well, then we should be good.
What's on your mind, George Clooney?
Well, as you probably know, the teaser trailer, which is a trailer for a trailer for my new flick just dropped, starring yours truly and Brad Pitt back on the silver screen together for the first time since 08.
Really?
Exciting.
Sort of a buddy action comedy suspense type deal.
Really heady stuff.
Sounds fun.
What's it called, pal?
Wolfs.
Wolfs?
Yeah, like more than one wolf.
He's a wolf.
I'm a wolf.
Wolfs.
George, the plural of wolf is wolves with a V. Are you serious?
I really don't think that's correct.
I'm positive about this one.
God damn it.
We pay people to look into this shit.
Oh, well.
Too late now.
Well, tell us about the movie anyways, George.
Well, Brad and I play a couple of fixers who accidentally get hired for the same job, and hijinks ensue.
Am I supposed to know what a fixer is?
Well, you're a cool cat.
I figure you know all the terminology for made-up movie crimes.
Hold on, I'm getting another call.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
How's it going?
Brad Pitt.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Hi, Brad Fit.
Phone man.
Well, look what the cat.
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
Here comes trouble.
That's me.
Trouble.
Don't let anyone in here on this phone.
Hey, get this.
Dora doesn't know what a fixer is.
I don't think I know what that means either.
Brad, we were fixers in the movie.
Oh, is that what we were?
This guy, I tell you what, this guy, you can't take him anywhere.
Brad, have you been listening to the whole show, too?
Yeah, man.
You told the president to go fuck himself.
I thoroughly enjoyed that.
And then, turns out phone man is an expert in the word for more than one wolf.
Like, okay.
What are you, Buck Rogers?
I don't think that's what you're thinking of.
That doesn't make sense.
It does if you think about it.
Anyway, moving on.
Well, I got a second phone call bit is calling back to the first phone call bit.
That's unprecedented.
So, George, did you play any of your famous pranks on the set of this film?
Oh, you know I did.
Brad, Bradley, would you like to feel this one?
All right.
Yay, fuck my wife.
What?
That's not a prank.
That's an egregious violation.
It's an egregious violation of the trust inheriting of friendship, Brad.
That's what I was saying.
But not in such an eloquent manner.
I thought this time George went too far.
I was pretty worked up, and I was about to have some hot words.
But then I remembered, hey, I'm not even married.
Just a fucking idiot.
He doesn't even know the woman I fucked.
But I got him convinced it was his wife.
Surreal Ocean's 11.
I don't know how either.
Voodoo or some shit.
That's how good at pranks, George is.
The prank is only as good as the mark, my friend.
Yeah, well, I'm going to fuck your wife, man.
For real.
Yeah, right.
I'd like to see it try.
Why does it always end up here with you two joking about wife screwing practical jokes?
Because what is funnier than that?
Two rich and famous guys prankbanging other cats' house frows at nothing, and you know it.
I can't argue with that.
Bang someone for it, baby.
Hey.
Hey, man.
Have you seen Don Seidel's wife?
Oh, have I?
Jesus, yeah, I gotta cast her in something.
I smell a sequel, my friend.
Yeah, man.
A sequel to wolves.
That can't be right, man.
Okay, as fun as this is, we gotta go.
We got a lot of show to get to.
There's a genocide happening, among other things.
All right.
Well, you have fun with that.
We'll let you go.
But for real, let's get that sushi sometimes, sometime, right?
We always talk about it, but we never do it.
After this promo jazz dies down, I'll hit you up and we'll go out.
Sound good?
Hey, guess what, George?
Our sushi place, it just closed.
I drove.
Oh, no.
Well, tell you what.
Can we go to a different sushi place?
I got another one.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, the beauty of that sushi place was that nobody was ever in it.
So you could go in and eat in peace, just like that's why I saw Shatner there.
I know that's why that's why all the hap cats would go, baby.
Because nobody was there because the guy was such an asshole, but he had great fish.
And I know a place where the guy's an even bigger asshole and the fish is even better.
Oh, no kidding.
Come with me.
I can't wait.
All right.
Sounds good.
Sounds good, gentlemen.
Wait a minute.
Phone man is real?
Phone man is real?
He calls me phone man.
Establishment media sucks All gaslighting So good luck Bullshit we can't afford Fomenting this Watch and see as there's jack off The medium speeds And jumps the medium And hits them head on It's the Chimitor Show Okay They had the big debate with Chris Cuomo and Dave Smith.
And Chris Cuomo is a liar.
He's just a sociopathic liar.
Today's the day of sociopathic liars on today's show.
And Chris Cuomo is next up.
Here he pretends that he didn't shame people who took ivermectin.
You ready for this?
There was so much talk that they don't want you to take ivermectin.
Ivermectin is the way to go take it.
Joe Rogan got better from ivermectin.
And by the way, I don't like what people did to Joe Rogan about ivermectin.
I don't want to.
You did it.
No, no.
Yes, you did.
Find the clips.
Dude, find the clips.
Find the clips, he says.
Find the clips.
Guess what?
They're going to find Joe Rogan.
You said he's taking horse them.
You and Don Lemon were chuckling at each other about it.
I'll go find someone.
You just saw the clip.
I'm not chuckling.
I'm listening to Don.
But no, no, no.
Here's what I'm talking about wasn't on there.
It's absolutely there.
Oh, here, do we have it?
Hold on.
Let's play now.
Injecting drugs for animals and horse and people telling them to.
Oh, my God.
What person?
You know, you talk about like, you know, cancel culture and who to shame?
Ivermectin, a dewormer?
Really?
They are shaming themselves.
That's what it is.
They're shaming themselves.
So you're taking a dewormer right now.
This is apologize for that.
This you weren't being clear that it was this, and you know that, dude.
You're being so dishonest right now.
I'm not talking about ivermectects.
I'm not being dishonest.
I'm not being dishonest.
This guy is a know-nothing of admitted, can't even fake having a reasoned demeanor.
It's unbelievable.
He doesn't want to admit that he was doing what he just showed him about this version of ivermectin.
Come on.
So I'll show you a longer version of that.
Ready?
Making people so resistant to reason and relying on lies that they would rather try poison than a real cure.
The FDA just literally had to remind some Americans: you're not a horse.
You are not a cow.
Why?
Because some why?
The FDA had to remind some Americans that they're not a cow or a horse.
First of all, why wouldn't they remind the doctors?
Because you have to get a prescription.
Why would they say that to people?
Also, now get back into your enclosure and put on your blinders.
Then get ready for more mandatory experimental injections, you know, like a human being instead of a horse.
Hey, that's what the FDA should have said to doctors.
Yeah, why didn't they say that to my veterinarian?
Yeah.
You can afford a doctor?
You must be rich.
I go to a vet.
You're not a horse or a cow, Kurt, but Cuomo is a lying pig.
Old McDonald had a pharma.
E-I-E-I-No.
How about that?
Find that.
So let's lay plan.
We're taking a drug that's given to livestock as an anti-parasitic to treat or prevent COVID.
It doesn't work.
At least two people have been hospitalized in Mississippi after taking ivermectin.
It is a dewormer.
It's not a COVID cure.
Please don't take it.
The state's health department put out a warning saying animal drugs are highly concentrated for large animals and can be highly toxic in humans.
And they should have said, and I don't know why they didn't.
And this drug is not for COVID.
I wonder if politics played into even that.
The state's poison control center has been receiving an increasing number of calls in relationships.
Why?
Because somewhere on the righty fringe, they said this will do it.
Forget about the vaccine.
Look, people are literally insisting on making themselves sick.
It is like a bad movie that we're all trapped in.
Yes, this country is divided.
Those who tell you otherwise, I don't get it.
He's sick now.
I know.
But define the division.
Now he's taking Ivermectin.
Right?
Come on.
Who defines themselves as that anymore?
Those are just ideological accusations for the political class.
You just said it.
G-O-P.
Who calls themselves that anymore?
Those are just teams in a bad game.
This country is about the vaccinated and those who choose to put them at risk.
Bravo.
And here's the good news: Bravo.
The vaccinated are this country.
They are over 50% of every place and face.
They've all done the right thing.
So how long must the majority wait for the stubborn?
How long must kids not get educated because a stubborn few won't learn the lesson about masks?
Refusing to protect their kids and your kids, especially when they know that kids under 12 can't even get vaccinated.
So they need adults.
They are dependent on adults to step up.
How long must all lives be stilted at home and work, waiting on people who insist on making themselves and others sick?
All over a virus that was never a threat to children, never a freaking child.
The average age of death from COVID, 82.
Just like, just like just like Bill Gates said, oh, well, you know, it had a low fatality rate and it affected most of the elderly, kind of like the flu, but a little different.
And this is what he's doing over something that's Bill Gates says only affects the elderly, and it's kind of like the flu.
And it has a low fatality rate.
What's the actual fatality rate?
I'm going to say it's less than 1%.
Check me on that.
But for a couple of years, they kept saying it was 3%, but you couldn't find out what the real case fatality rate was on COVID.
It's way, way lower than people thought.
And I'm ashamed I was ever afraid of it.
I got a question.
We should be talking whoever was writing the prompts for Chris Cromer to read.
He's not writing that whole dialogue.
No, no, right.
Or in monologue, that's written for him.
So who wrote that?
Because his whole thing is, hey, man, I'm just working here.
Yeah, yeah.
He's just a robot.
It's like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman.
That's a true story.
That's how they are.
You just put the thing in the prompter and they say it.
And now he's going to compare people who don't take the vaccine to January 6th protesters.
Watch, I think.
Oh, no, that's it.
So, so I want to just show you this one more time.
You don't have to do that.
There's so much talk that they don't want you to take Ivermectin.
Ivermectin is the way to go take it.
Joe Rogan got better from Ivermectin.
And by the way, I don't like what people did to Joe Rogan about ivermectin.
I don't want to do that.
You did, eh?
No, no.
Yes, you did.
Find the clips.
Dude, find the clips.
You shamed Joe Rodan.
You said he's taking a horse demons.
You and Don Lemon were chuckling at each other about it.
I'll go find it.
First of all, you just saw the clips.
I'm not chuckling.
I'm listening to Don.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, here, do we have it?
Injecting drugs for animals and horse.
And people telling them to.
Oh, my God.
What person?
You know, you talk about like, you know, cancel culture and who to shame.
Ivermectin, a dewormer?
Really?
They have shaming themselves.
That's what it is.
They're shaming themselves.
So you're taking a dewormer right now.
This is a damn thing.
You can't apologize for that.
You weren't being clear that it was this, and you know that, dude.
You're being so dishonest right now.
I'm not.
So when you are this disingenuous about what you said just a few weeks ago, I think it's going to be called the new medical condition.
So you're going to be called comatose, which is when you're too stupid to know what a piece of garbage you come off as.
That's called cormitose.
And that's what Chris Cuomo is.
Okay, you know the basement that he was in for months?
Yeah, and he lied about that.
Okay, you have to understand that basement is inside of Chris Cuomo's mind.
That's right.
And whenever he is confronted with reality, he goes to the Cuomo place.
He retreats into the Cuomo place.
That's it.
And then he goes, he didn't say it.
That other guy said it.
That other guy.
I didn't say it.
The guy who drives said it.
I didn't say it.
I think it's bad.
Here we go.
Here's another Grabian put this together.
Apology?
Of course not.
Of course not.
This was never as simple as vaccine good, vaccine bad.
We have data to support the fact that there are thousands.
Even though he just said it comes down to the vaccinated, unvaccinated.
So vaccinated good and the unvaccinated bad.
He just said that.
I showed you the video.
It never was that.
He never shamed Joe Rogan.
He never shamed Ivermectin.
This is amazing.
Of people who have had adverse effects that are not getting attention.
Be nice to the unvaccinated.
Don't shame them.
Let them learn enough.
This country is about the vaccinated and those who choose to put them at risk.
The vaccinated are this country.
They've all done the right thing.
So how long must the majority wait for the stubborn waiting on people who insist on making themselves and others sick?
And there is no valor in being unvaccinated.
Not getting vaccinated is what is unfair.
This is on you.
That it's good that you're not taking it to thwart the government trying to have a hand in your life.
How much more are the vaccinated going to take from the vacuous as if it were some misplaced righteous cause?
It's freedom.
It's freedom not to take the vaccine because it's not about reason.
It's about animus.
It's about resentment.
I mean, honestly, you sound like an idiot, so there's not much to say.
But Tony, good luck with it.
See you.
And so do you.
I'm calling people idiots.
Only for having you on the show.
That was my only mistake.
Look, it's just stupid.
I'm pro-freedom.
I hate that he's Italian-American, by the way, because it plays into his stereotype.
This suggestion that somehow there is a strength in the resistance to the science, to the mandate.
Stupid, ethnic, stereotype, masculine, moronic thing to be.
Because look, I don't think it's a coincidence that some of those who are soft-selling the vaccine are also among those ignoring January 6th and trying to minimize it.
Have decided to be free to get sick.
Because the idea that it's just about choice and volition, this isn't making you get a tattoo.
If the freedom's so important, I'm free to be stupid.
Byron Donald's not going to take it because he doesn't care what Biden wants.
If there are Americans like myself who choose not to, please don't berate me for doing that.
It is a personal choice I have made.
It's my own health care.
I am allowed to do that.
Do you have the right?
Of course, nobody's debating that except you guys as a false choice.
What I'm saying is, is it right?
That is being dumb as a proxy for being bold because you're seeing some kind of righteousness and a choice to do something that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
And why shouldn't I get opportunities as vaccinated that you don't get as unvaccinated?
You don't want to get vaccinated.
It's not because you know more about science.
Just because you work in the hospital doesn't mean you're not susceptible to mis or disinformation or being vaccine hesitant.
Amazing how selfish we have been in this situation when you think about it.
And the selfishness, just in the simple statement of, yeah, I'm not getting it because, you know, deep denial and selfishness is shameful.
Talk about getting it.
And to be clear by we, I mean you who are not protected for yourself and loved ones yet.
You guys are the issue.
Not the majority of the country that has already taken upon this task and now is being held hostage.
There is going to be a consequence for irrational resistance.
You being unprotected hurts my kids, hurts my mother.
You are having your freedom stepped on because of those who believe freedom is about putting other people at risk.
This is a tyranny of the unvaccinated.
You have to have a vaccine passport.
How are we going to know who got the booster and who didn't?
The booster.
We're going to have to have a way to track it.
Ivermectin, a dewormer, really?
They need to be called out and shame.
People so resistant to reason and relying on lies that they would rather try poison.
You're not a horse.
You are not a cow.
Taking a drug that's given to livestock as an anti-parasitic.
It doesn't work.
Please don't take it.
I am taking a, what do they call it?
Like a regular dose, you know, whatever.
They're trying to build up of ivermectin.
The entire clinical community knew that ivermectin couldn't hurt you.
So that was back when everyone was instructed to be a bully back then.
And so now that everything that he's peddled has fallen apart, he's now trying to come up with new ways to save face.
That's a Zeta alter programming.
But wait, wait, wait.
Who is right?
Because that's probably somebody from Pfizer or Moderna.
Just like they wrote a case.
Writing a script for him.
Yeah, he's just a guy reading ad copy like everyone else.
But who wrote that for him?
Because the way he does it, he genuinely doesn't feel like he said those things because it wasn't his words.
He's reading what he's told to read.
Like how an actor's like, hey, I'm just an actor.
I think he was freeballing some of it.
I think he was freeballing some of it.
You could see him freeballing a little bit.
But the thing of like, you could hear the slogans of like, oh, yeah.
It is now a nation of the unvaccinated.
Yes.
There are no parties.
That sounds crazier what he's saying than that Ukrainian trans spokesperson who was saying the wolves and the dogs shall come for the Russian.
Like, it sounds just like that.
Same kind of writing.
That person is now.
And so now that he got kicked off CNN and he's trying to find his life online.
Yeah.
And play, he has to now pretend he didn't be that guy.
Because he has to pretend he didn't aid in one of the biggest crimes against humanity in history that the online community knows about, right?
And that's why it's and now, so now he's fucked.
If he was any more fucked, he'd be doing porn in Chatsworth.
I wish someone asked him who wrote and what?
Chatsworth.
You don't know what Chatsworth is?
No.
That's where they do the porn.
Oh, what?
It's out in the valley.
Come on, baby.
Why would I know that?
I'm not a degenerate.
I don't care about the workers is why I don't know.
I thought he had thought you had your finger on the pulse.
But so good, good on Dave.
But the idea, I knew that Chris Cuomo was never going to.
I mean, he just sits there and lies right to your face.
Oh, I didn't say that.
He's just like Fauci.
I said that there was no scientific basis for it and it just came out of nowhere.
Ha ha.
They all act like an actor on a soap opera that you hate because they're the bad guy.
And they're not.
Yes.
That's just a role I play.
Yes.
Because it is a role that they play.
That's right.
And now he's trying to do his new role.
Yes.
And, you know, like, it's funny watching this.
There's like this weird.
I wish someone would ask him because weird blank spot where they don't, like, he should be going, look, I worked on CNN and I said the thing.
And remember, I didn't like my job.
Remember, he said he didn't like what he did?
Yeah.
Did you notice how there's like three or four Chris's?
Yes, that's right.
So what is going on there?
Someone needs to ask this because he literally thinks he didn't do it.
You watching him do that.
Well, that's what sociopaths do.
I knew a kid when I was little.
And, you know, you're always getting in trouble as a kid.
We grew up Catholic.
You're always in trouble for something.
And I remember him telling me, he goes, you know, Jimmy, I can lie sometimes where I'm convinced of what the lie is I'm telling.
No, I had a guy, a kid told me.
And that's what that is.
Okay, that's right.
That's what a sociopath is.
But that's, I'm just saying, that's what our intelligence agencies, what that kid said to you.
They have studied this for the entire Cold War.
How do we make someone lie where they believe they're saying?
And that's why they're going to be able to do that.
When we make someone kill someone where they honestly think they didn't kill someone.
You guys were talking to Neil Oliver about the passing the responsibility.
That's why they designed that program.
That's why we're all supposed to be compartmentalized.
That's why we're not supposed to be talking about this anymore.
That time is over.
That time is over.
Now remember to forget trauma.
The war is coming.
Remember to forget gender.
That's the MKUltra shit.
They did it to everyone.
They started with some people.
Those are the prototypes.
And now when you're wondering why your friend Kevi Flynn can't remember things, that's why.
He's probably a dipshit Catholic, right?
That helps.
If you start out as a dumb shit Catholic, by the way.
One of the best pro Mormon, second only to Mormon.
That's some great programming.
And the government goes to the, oh, Scientology, that's some fantastic programming.
And the government went to all them groups.
Oh, cartels.
They do some great work there.
We work with all of that.
Well, I'm saying we.
I didn't do shit.
Yeah.
But your government did that.
So everybody needs to wake up.
We could be mad at Chris Cuomo, but I would really like to ask him, Chris, why is it that you think that's a different Chris?
Because I'll bet the answer.
And dude, I'm saying it's like funny, but I'm serious too.
Like the answer is probably really scary.
And it probably is.
I just think, I think the answer is more simple for guys like him.
Because those are the types of people who.
He's a political family.
But not only that, but he's a sociopath.
And I'm not making that.
I'm not throwing that around lightly.
Right.
I'm like, he's willing.
He's just a liar.
And you saw him make, he made up his own lie that he stayed in his basement for a month to get over.
And he didn't.
Everybody knows he was out.
I'm sure they told him to do that.
I'm sure he was told to do that by his job.
Well, I'm telling you, nobody in the media can be on the media doing that.
I think they get the program.
I mean, just like Chomsky said, I'm sure you believe everything you're saying because if you believe something else, you wouldn't have this job.
Now Chomsky's fallen.
Of course, Jobs can't fall.
And now Chomsky's one of them.
Get it?
Yeah.
No, it gets to everyone.
He was at MIT his whole career.
Yeah, no, this is the home of the CIA.
It ain't a coincidence.
He did hang out with Jeffrey Epstein.
McGregor played that thing.
That's the thing Colonel McGregor talked about that we played.
Yeah.
just you know, that's a little teeny bit that poked out in that.
This thing goes real far, and it's the entire media.
Oh, is what's her name?
Is Psyop?
Who's that stupid singer?
Everybody goes back and forth.
Taylor Swift.
Yeah, morons.
Your entire culture has been a psyop.
Their entire crew.
They design it.
It's very tightly controlled.
Only two.
Well, you can't control everything.
No, I know.
Trump won, and Brexit happened.
And look at how they reacted as if they had been controlling everything up until that point.
That's right.
So everybody can, oh, it's not that.
No, it's that bad.
It's that bad.
It's that bad.
Hey, you know, here's another great way you can help support the show: you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show.
You can do it by going to jimmydoorcompedy.com, clicking on join premium.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business, and it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards.
Thanks for everybody who was already a premium member.
And if you haven't, you're missing out.
We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
So guess what?
Biden issues executive order on southern border limiting asylum.
Michael Tracy says, Biden is reportedly going to issue an executive order that is substantively identical.
That's one of those words I have a hard time saying.
You know how you mean?
Substantively?
Did I say it?
Substantively.
Substantive to the substantively.
Substantively.
Oh, substantively.
I don't know.
Substantive.
Substantive.
You can say substantively.
You're okay.
Ask Google.
Anyway, it's an order that is identical to the one issued by Trump in 2018.
Back then, it was hysterically, hysterically, not, I mean, of hysterics, not funny.
But it was.
It's kind of funny, though, looking back.
Black looking back.
It was hysterically decried as fascism, Nazism, and literally concentration camps.
They made AOC cry in a parking lot.
So Biden is legislating against his previous legislation because he does remember that it was he who signed off on it.
And now he's aping Donald Trump's border closures.
And when I say aping, it mostly means he's no longer verbal and he just throws his own shit around.
That's what I mean.
Biden expected to unveil immigration order severely limiting asylum seeker crossings.
And by severe, severely limiting, by severe, do they mean barely, do they mean barely a drop in the bucket versus the damage that's already been done?
How is that going to?
And by expected, do they mean nothing will come of it anyway?
That's what I expected.
That's what, uh-huh.
Joe Biden wouldn't know which way the wind is blowing if he tried to board Air Force One through the jet engine.
Okay.
President Joe Biden is expected to announce an executive order as early as Tuesday.
Well, that would be today.
That would effectively shut down the U.S.-Mexico border to asylum seekers crossing illegally when a daily threshold of crossings is exceeded.
A sweeping and controversial proposal that is likely to receive fierce pushback from progressives and immigration advocates.
So what they're going to do is they're going to close the border once 2,500 people cross it.
And then they're going to wait a day and then open it back up and then let 25.
Also, executive order, where'd that come from?
Oh, by the way, remember he said he couldn't do anything unless Congress could act it.
And now it turns out he can.
Did he run this by the parliamentarian?
He told me he could just, without a parliamentarian, can just do a thing.
This is just an act of desperation.
This is this, because I'll tell you what.
When Joe Biden got elected, polling showed that people favored Joe Biden handling the border by one percentage points over Trump.
Now, do you know who has the advantage, Kurt?
If I had to guess.
But guess by how much?
By 27%.
Yeah, well, I do know.
People favor Joe Trump over Biden.
It's 27% more obvious what a problem a border is.
Yeah, at least you got to be a die-hard, half-a-zombie Democrat to happen.
What is their problem going on?
Have you ever talked to people who have no idea there's a problem happening right now?
So the executive action would mark a significant attempt by Biden to address head-on one of his biggest political vulnerabilities.
Just weeks before the first presidential debate, Trump has made hardline immigration policies a cornerstone of his campaign.
So I don't.
So the executive order, by the way, it's a hardline policy.
Yeah, what?
It's a hardline policy.
It's every other day policy.
It's a hardline policy to know who is coming in and out of our country.
That's called a hardline policy.
Wait, do they mean border?
Is that what the hard line is, the border?
I think that's the definition of border.
It's the hard line that would separate countries where you got a show ID.
I bet Joe Biden is going to build a wall and paint a rainbow on it.
So wait, the only two times you don't need ID in life in this ID-heavy world that I live in.
The only two times.
Is voting and crossing the border.
Do you think there's any correlation at all between those things?
Isn't that amazing?
Where's the two places I don't need?
I need it for the plane, right?
Definitely need it.
It's going to be a question for a while.
Like you've been illegal.
You needed to drive a car.
You needed to check into a hotel.
But not voting.
You need to write a check.
You needed to deposit or take money out.
You need it for everything.
I really feel it's.
Except to vote.
Yeah.
Or to cross the border.
I mean, I don't know how you can make it more obvious what the plan is than that.
You know what I mean?
That's like saying you need to wear a mask when you walk into a restaurant, but not when you sit down and eat.
Or when you're rioting.
Or rioting.
The executive order uses an authority known as 212F.
I thought you could dial 212F and get a New Yorker to curse at you any time of day or night.
That's what I thought it was.
That's what it sounds like.
That is the earger.
Was I wrong about that?
Dial 212F.
Hey, what's your fucking problem, you cocksucker?
Go after yourself.
It's a regulation that was used under the Trump administration and widely denounced at the time by Democrats.
The executive action, which has been in the works for months, would severely restrict migrants from seeking asylum at the border if they cross the border unlawfully once daily encounters between ports of entry reach 200 2500 meaning that the measure is likely to almost immediately take effect I don't but by the time it's great that they denounced it because that worked out great denouncing the yeah trumps doing that everybody who went Joe
went to minus 30% and the polls over it.
Who made that joke about denouncing things like you're the Archbishop of Canterbury?
Oh, Colin Quinn.
Oh, did he?
They called for a denouncement.
What are you, the Archbishop of Canterbury?
I denounce this.
So, again, that's great.
So they're going to let in 2,500 a day and then close the border and then reopen it again the next day.
So it's just a big crock of shit, it sounds like.
Migrants could still request an appointment to present their asylum claim at a port of entry.
Accompanied children.
Unaccompanied.
Unaccompanied children would be exempt.
Yes.
Of course they're going to be exempt.
What the fuck?
I mean, first of all, you can never have enough unaccompanied children.
What is going on?
Of course they're going to be exempt, Kurt, because, well, we got a we got a trafficking industry to maintain.
Am I right?
Yeah.
I mean, that doesn't have a political wing, by the way.
That's the whole bird right there.
Yeah, no kidding.
Anyway, so unaccompanied kids are okay.
Unaccompanied.
Boy, that's a proud American tradition going back to the orphan trains of the Great West.
Yes.
Talk about...
oligarchs shipped orphans out unaccompanied for all kinds of adventures.
That's some valuable property right there.
I mean, dreamers.
Yeah, right.
The dreamers.
So, that advocates have said such an exemption could encourage some families to send children to the border on their own.
You think?
Oh, you don't say.
Or you could just take their children and they can't do anything about it.
You could also do that.
They got a lot of options with this.
Dreamers.
That was the term Obama used.
He called them dreamers.
Yeah, right.
Right?
Dreamers.
What are they dreaming of?
Not being trafficked?
Keep on dreaming.
Keep on dreaming.
the executive action would allow authorities to turn away migrants while in effect either to mexico or their origin country the u.s previously worked with mexico when a covet 19 era border restriction known as title 42 also resulted in certain migrants being returned to mexico really the u.s previously worked with we already did this the action would mark a significant policy shift for biden's administration which has taken a more aggressive approach to border security after
years of grappling with border crises fueled by record migration as it has attempted to blunt republican attacks during a heated election year border authorities have recently been apprehending just under 4,000 migrants unlawfully crossing the border according to a homeland security official and there have been roughly 1,500
appointments per day through the U.S. Customs and Border Protection mobile app under the executive order the border would reopen once daily illegal crossings drop according to one of the sources so it'll only reopen when we need more fodder for our wars I'm gonna guess right oh just fodder in general I mean you have to understand having low-paid underclasses is very useful for
all kinds of construction when we have this cocaine cowboys thing, but a fentanyl that they're going to start up so we can have a Reagan sunrise.
There's a lot of uses.
Look at this Washington Post headline.
It says Democrats frustrated with Biden border order.
That rhymes.
That's nice.
Frustrated how?
That's like a rap lyric.
The border order.
Why are they frustrated with it?
Why are they frustrated?
Let's translate that headline for you, Kurt.
Democrats feigned disappointment in Biden for doing what Trump did.
And since they put Trump in once and all their stupid base are going to go do it again, they're going to do it again.
Okay, but their base, I mean, who is their base now?
I don't think they.
You have to literally work for Biden in some way to be in the base of that.
But you're going to be on staff with like Anthony Blinken and, you know.
By the way, not to mix stories, but I heard the never Trump or Republicans are going back to Trump after he got convicted.
Really?
Yep.
Mitch McConnell.
Wow, this really split the lizards.
Yep.
Old turtle man.
I think the only Republicans left who are not on Trump books are going to be that, what is it, the Lincoln Project people?
Right.
And that's just a money grift.
Right.
The White House has been doing outreach to Democratic members.
Administration officials held a meeting with the leadership Congressional Hispanic Caucus two weeks ago before the administration settled on asylum action where the CHC leaders were
pitched the executive action they wanted to the white house to take and express concern with any action that would limit asylum specifically stating they did not support using presidential authority to restrict they are being crazy even people who came here illegally right are against illegal immigration yeah Even people who came here illegally.
It's weird how that works.
It's funny how that works.
Kick the ladder down.
I just got it.
No doubt.
Because a lot of them had to pay all kinds of money and go through all kinds of shit just so they could stay here.
Yeah.
And of course, workers don't want this.
The people on the lowest end of the economic rung don't want this.
You're going to see these are Chris Cuomos.
They're not like real people.
They're just saying lines that they're supposed to say.
They don't have any feelings one way or another about anything.
The person who really needs asylum is Joe Biden.
So he could be with his own phones with the catatonics and the squirrels.
Anyway, White House chief of staff, Jeff Zeins.
I didn't know that was the chief of staff.
I never heard this guy's name before.
Anybody here ever heard Jeff Zeins?
Never heard his name before.
When did he become chief of staff?
He's been calling individual members of Congress over the last few days to update them on the plan.
Really?
One of them is Representative Pramila Jayapal.
Jamila Paypell?
Jamila Payapal, chair of the Congressional Progressive Caucus.
Oh, Jesus.
She's about as progressive as Peter Dow.
She said she has told Zeints, who is Joe Biden's chief of staff, both on the phone Sunday and previously, that the path to the president is taking is very, very disappointing.
What are you going to do about it, bitch?
That's what he said.
Oh, my God.
You're going to vote for me anyway.
We should be distinguishing ourselves from Donald Trump on immigration, Payopal said.
We should be offering the contrast.
An open border is a little, they don't care.
So, okay, by the way, isn't she a Palestinian or something?
Is that, or is that the other one?
I thought, no, you're right.
She's not.
But I thought she was part of that.
There's a genocide going on.
You really think now is the thing, Jamila PayPal, that matters after that?
Is this a bigger disappointment than, say, the Gaza thing?
Does he still get an A-plus?
Because that's what she gave him.
I thought that was AFC.
And PayPal.
PayPal gave me because.
Yeah, she gave him an A-plus.
Wow.
That's what my teacher used to say.
When I get an A-plus on a test, I'm very disappointed.
Steph would have students complain that they got an A-.
Can you imagine complaining you got an A- You got to go home and face a psychopath parent that's going to put you in this system and make Jamila PayPals.
That's why they need a A-play.
Machida to leave is the.
That's right.
Yeah.
PayPal and other Democrats who spoke said that Biden is ignoring U.S. law that requires granting asylum to people with a credible fear in their home countries, and that the real challenge is a lack of legal path to immigration, which is why people are relying on the asylum system.
What I just can't, the open border is popular with nobody.
It's not popular with workers.
It's not popular with immigrants who came here legally.
It's not popular with immigrants who came here illegally.
It's not popular with anybody, but they still.
Okay, remember Kelly Osborne got in trouble because she goes.
Donald Trump, who's going to clean up your toilets?
So they have a lot of turnover, I imagine, from deaths and things.
So he needs a steady supply of human flesh.
I do not think that shutting down the border, quote unquote, is a remedy that will get us to where we need to be on immigration reform, said Representative.
She's a Democrat, Sylvia Garcia.
It's a nice name, though.
Frustrated Democrats acknowledge that Biden is trying to appeal to independent voters.
Don't start trying to appeal to anyone now, Joe.
Too late for that.
Just put on the leather trench coat and spike helmet and admit this is a takeover.
Right?
He's alienating the base voters who elected him, international child traffickers.
Come on, Joe.
Stop farting around.
Seriously, we're getting complaints from the staff.
Even Representative Hillary Shulton, she's a Democrat from Michigan, eh?
She's an immigration lawyer who represents a swing district.
She says she is uncomfortable with Biden's expected action.
Wait, he didn't even do anything yet.
his expected action.
So just in advance of him doing it, you're – I hate their little heads.
I understand that Biden administration feels like they need to do something.
It's heart-wrenching to see that this is something they are choosing, knowing full well that this is not going to come close to solving the problem that we are experiencing.
Hey, how about you get Biden to stop economically sanctioning and overthrowing governments in Central and South America?
How about that?
How about you stop creating desperate people who need asylum?
How about you stop the fucking drug war?
How about you do any of that shit?
You ever think about that?
I'll tell you for just giving a shit like that about people that live here.
That's right.
How about that?
We'll start with that.
Your answer to everything is an open border?
That's your answer?
Critics of the plan are pushing the administration to follow up with humanitarian-focused executive orders that provide work permits.
That's what we need.
Work permits for immigrant caregivers and their spouses and to help dreamers, people who were brought to the United States illegally as children.
Well, that sounds so much like they are being trafficked.
Every time I see dreamers, they're brought here legally as children.
Like, what is this?
Yeah, whatever you do, stay dream, stay asleep, because if you wake up, you're going to realize how effed you are.
Senator Alex Padilla of California, who was sharply critical of the bipartisan Senate immigration bill, argued Democrats who backed Biden's executive order are also misreading the politics.
You think so?
God damn it, these Democrats.
Well, in terms of he's not really doing anything.
Yeah, yes.
But you think nobody wants you to do something?
While some people point to how well an orderly and secure border polls, what pulls even better is support for dreamers and farm workers and other essential workers who happen to be undocumented.
So you're talking about, you're talking about workers that aren't here yet?
Who happen to be undocumented?
It just so happens.
I came here illegally.
You know, it could happen to anybody.
What polls the best is a combination of the policies taken together.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay.
But not all Democrats are critical.
I think it's the right direction, said Sherrod Brown of Ohio, who's running for reelection in the state Trump won by eight points.
He told reporters of Biden's executive order, I want to see more.
There's a guy trying to win an election.
Everybody's got their script.
After being encouraged by Trump to reject the bipartisan border security bill, Republicans said Biden didn't need Congress because he could accomplish much of it through executive order.
Now, most say Biden's action is clearly a political ploy, even as some acknowledge that his message of blaming congressional Republicans for an action.
Remember, he was trying to blame the, he goes, oh, it's up to the Congress.
They got to do something.
Well, you shouldn't have done an executive order because now you just told me you could have done something without them.
I don't think you can, in good conscience, accuse Joe Biden for doing something for political reasons because at this point, he's just basically following a laser dot on the floor like a cat.
Wow.
The Nikki Haley country.
I think he's simply making a political decision, said Representative Marcus Molinaro, Republican of New York, who represents a district Biden won in 2020.
But it certainly is a bit disingenuous.
I think that they're making a political calculation right now.
I get it, said Tony Gonzalez, Republican of Texas, whose district runs along the Mexico border.
I also think they're counting on the courts to stop whatever they're doing.
It's almost certain to trigger immediate lawsuits.
Yeah.
Touching off a fight that will last months and probably reach the Supreme Court.
Thomas Warwick, a former Department of Homeland Security official who's now a senior fellow at the Atlanta Council, said he expected the courts to respond by staying the order, temporarily preventing it from taking effect.
Yeah, well, we need these desperate people.
Oh, Jesus.
Desperate, desperate people to test out our new technologies on our many amazing technologies that can go inside your brain and your body.
Trump signed more than 470 executive orders during his term.
No, hey, you know what?
The ACLU is going to sue him.
Oh, good.
The Biden administration just announced an executive order.
The action will take some approach as Trump administration's asylum ban.
We will be challenging this order in court.
Look at the ACL.
Fucking you, right?
Well, but I bet you they would never defend you saying I'd like you to not do that.
I bet they won't defend that.
Speaker Mike Johnson said 126 days ago, Joe Biden stated, I've done all I can do to fix the border catastrophe.
Today he's announcing an executive order using the same authority he denied he had.
If he was actually concerned about the wide open border, he would have acted a long time ago.
Harry Potter's right.
But he just remembered that he had this executive power.
Oh, is that what it is?
After allowing 10 to 13 million illegal aliens to cross the border in the last three and a half years and refusing to take action, we are now supposed to believe the Biden administration wants to actually take action five months before the election.
Yeah, I don't believe him.
Manly name, by the way, Chad Wolf.
That's a nice name.
So Viva La Revolution says, so when Biden signs his new immigration ban into law, is AOC going to go down to the border and have a cry on the fence in front of the cameras again?
Actors note for AOC, keep the chopped onions on hand, literally.
I don't think that suntan lotion thing passes.
I don't think it's maybe not.
We can't be in the sun.
The sunscreen measures.
So you remember when Dr. Fauci was asked about social distancing?
He said this.
CDC is advising all Americans now to wear a cloth mask, but not the surgical masks.
Save those for the healthcare officials.
Why the change now?
Because most of us have been walking around going to the grocery store not wearing the mask because that was the original recommendation.
Well, we have to make sure we don't forget that the most important thing is to keep this six-foot physical distance from individuals.
That was the most important thing, six-foot distance.
Turns out, Fauci now admitted under oath, and I'm going to show you that, that he revealed, he just made it up.
Social distancing, masking kids.
Fauci said he does not know where the six-foot social distancing came from.
He also said he was unaware of studies recommending masks for kids because there weren't any.
There weren't any.
So the masking was, there was never a study that they could point to that said this is why we should mask.
They just made it up.
In fact, before COVID, Fauci would tell you, don't mask.
And then to do it, and then to stop doing it.
Yeah.
So here at Bob Schell, testimony from Dr. Anthony Fauci reveals he made up the six-foot social distancing rule and other measures to protect Americans.
Kids' learning loss and social setbacks have been well documented, with one National Institute of Health study calling the impact of mask use on students, literacy, and learning very negative.
Very negative.
And by the way, first of all, Fauci didn't make it up.
It was a coalition of corporate psychopaths that made this up.
Fauci just said what he was told to say.
He only does what he's commanded to do as a carved out wooden puppet boy.
And so, yes.
And so there was big damage to kids from this made-up stuff.
The impacts of social distancing caused depression, anxiety, acute stress, intrusive thoughts at another NIH study.
Oh, it worked.
And so thanks to him, Americans and American kids missed valuable school time and they didn't get to learn about gender and butt plugs.
So you want to see, it was all made up like a square dance.
It was designed for fucked up, shut and controlled freaks to feel like they had momentarily taken over the world.
Right.
Earth finally looked like the inside of their head to them.
Oh, they miss it.
And those kids now are more like them.
Remember, they're anxious.
That's how you got to be all the time, afraid.
That's right.
And just like them.
And unable to communicate.
And it was their chance to boss somebody Around finally, after having been pushed around themselves for so long, it's not wrong when they do it.
And by the way, if you're a fan of the TV six feet under, you're going to love six feet apart.
Am I right?
The new series that you have to put on to subtitles because you can't understand what the fuck anyone is saying behind their masks.
Was it supposed to be 10 feet apart at first?
And then the hey, you're killing me over here.
Yeah.
So here it is.
So this was under a testimony.
Do you recall reviewing any studies or data supporting masking for children?
You know, I might have.
Oh, he was busy with something else?
Too busy.
But I don't really specifically recall that I did.
I might have.
Were you, Chris Cuomo?
Since there's been a lot of studies that have come out since the pandemic started, but specifically on this, there's been significance on the kind of like learning loss and speech and development issues that have been associated with particularly young children wearing masks while they're growing up.
They can't see their teacher talk and they can't learn how to form words.
Have you followed any of these studies?
No.
What are you business?
No, he says.
No.
And I still think that that's up in the air.
Ironic, he says, up in the air.
I spend most of my time at hearings.
So no.
So the number one guy is following this less than a pothead jagoff comedian.
Less than Chris Cuomo.
Chris Cuomo has figured out.
Chris Cuomo has figured it out, but he hasn't.
So now Marjorie Taylor Greene asks him about this.
Watch this.
Do you also represent the type of science that you where you confess that you made up the COVID rules, including six feet social distancing and masking of children?
I never said I made anything up.
You admitted that you made it up.
You made it up.
I made it up.
You want to hear what he says?
I didn't say I made it up.
Well, what did you say?
Hold on to your because here it comes.
Watch.
What did you say?
So are you saying this is fake news, Mr. Speaker?
I have to say I made anything up.
What did you say?
I said that it is not based in science and it just appeared.
It just appeared.
Wow.
It just appeared like a rabbit out of your hat.
Hey, six-foot distancing.
Kids wear masks.
It just appeared.
I pulled it right out of a hat.
Were you scrying?
He was using his looking.
He goes, I didn't say.
I didn't say.
I said it just appeared.
I want to assure everyone it was pure occultism.
So it just appeared and then you just said it.
You see, he's advising all of you.
So it just appeared.
And then you just repeated it.
Walking around going to grocery store, not wearing a mask because that was the original recommendation.
And then it's so.
We have to make sure we don't forget that the most important thing is to keep this six-foot physical distance from individuals.
Where did that appear from?
It's like an AM ask six feet distance.
So that just appeared and then you had, and you told someone that it was real, but it wasn't based on science.
And now he says that it wasn't based on science.
It just appeared.
So I just started to run around telling everybody that it was real and it was based on science.
And then if you disagreed with him, you were disagreeing with science.
Remember, he said if you criticized him, you were criticizing science.
And now he's saying, well, it wasn't based on science.
And science changes and things appearing, a lot of ins and outs and what happened.
A lot of ins and outs.
A lot of ins, a lot of outs.
I don't think I'll ever get over this answer of it just appeared.
It wasn't based on science and it just appeared.
I was busy torturing puppies, so I wasn't following the story.
So here he is admitting there was never any studies.
I can't recall.
And are you following those studies now?
No.
No.
The answer is no.
Listen, I've got a puppy cooking in the oven.
I've got to get out of here.
And then when he's asked about it, he says, no, no, what I said is they weren't based on science.
They just appeared.
As if that doesn't make him look like the complete criminal psychopath that he is.
Well, crazy things happen at those Diddy parties.
I can't remember at all.
And Marjorie Taylor Greene dismantles him.
He gets dismantled.
That's your number one guy.
That's your Saint Fauci, the people that Stephen Colbert and every asshole comedian in Hollywood were lionizing.
That's him being dismantled by Marjorie Taylor Green.
She's a terrible person.
Let's watch this again.
Do you also represent the type of science where you confess that you made up the COVID rules, including six feet social distancing and masking of children?
I never said I made anything up.
You admitted that you made it up.
You made it up.
I made it up.
So are you saying this is fake news, Mr. I didn't say I made anything up.
What did you say?
I said that it is not based in science and it just appeared.
And I said, Joe, I got you.
Ha ha.
You're a big head butch body bitch.
So he's doing the Bill Clinton.
What's the definition of is is?
Yeah, the classics never die.
Yeah.
Russia.
I didn't say it was made up.
I said it just appeared.
Ah, got you.
He has that look on his face like he just got her.
I mean, look, he did get her.
Nothing's going to happen.
Nothing's going to happen to him.
All these hearings, it's very entertaining to watch his old Pinocchio nose grow, but I mean, in the end, it's not going to amount to.
There's nothing's going to.
Yeah, you're right.
People really do are like, oh, just move on.
I don't know how anyone can move on just from the masking alone.
Just from the masking alone.
Because I still see people with masks.
Still to this day.
Yeah.
Still to this day.
And I hate it when I'm at a restaurant.
I go to restaurants often because we don't have children.
That's one of the perks.
I'm Baron.
And a waiter or a waitress will come over and have a mask on.
And I want to go, you know what?
I want another just cut it out.
I don't want to.
Still people wear masks.
They're still doing that.
And they're doing it because they have to at work or they're doing their own thing.
No, there'll be like one or two in the whole place.
When I go to the medical offices in Pasadena, which I still do because they all have to wear masks.
You know, it's a mandate, Pasadena Health Department.
And when I went for this, to get this cancer off my face, every person in that office is wearing a mask.
The people behind the front desk, every nurse assistant, every nurse, every doctor, every person is there's got to be 25 people in that office that work there, and every one of them is wearing a mask.
Still to this day.
Wow.
They should get those big, like, what are those plague masks they had with the big bird beak in the top hat?
That'd be pretty cool.
So there you go.
I never said I made it up.
What did you say?
I said it wasn't based on science and it just appeared.
Got ya.
Are we done here?
I need to unleash sand flies onto the face of a dog.
No kidding.
Hey, become a premium member.
Go to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
All the voices performed today are by the one and only the inimitable Mike McRae.
He can be found at mikemacray.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Export Selection