All Episodes
Previous Next
Jan. 29, 2024 - Jimmy Dore Show
58:17
20240129_TJDS_20240129_Podcast_-_12624_11.37AM
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Hey, come see us do a live stand-up show.
We're going to be in Palmdale, California, Omaha, Nebraska, Des Moines, Milwaukee, Lansing, Michigan, Bend, Oregon, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, Philadelphia, Boston, and more.
Go to jimmydore.com for a link for those tickets.
And we're adding a second show in London.
We got the world's premier impressionist on the phone, Mike McRae all the way from Austin.
Hi, Mike McCray.
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
How's it going, man?
You sound a little bit like Jeff Bridges.
Oh, yeah.
Well, yeah, you were earlier.
You put me in that state of mind, man.
Sort of a laid back, you know, vibe.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Hey, did you hear Jon Stewart is coming back to the daily show?
far out man Did he leave?
Yes.
There's still a daily show?
There's still a daily.
He left.
What year is this?
Comedy Central exists?
He left nine years ago, and he handled the man.
He handed the mantle over to a young man from outside the country.
With a perfectly round head.
With a perfectly round head.
Yeah, that Charlie Brown kind of guy.
Because nobody knows about the troubles of Americans like a foreigner.
I only listen to people with an accent not from my own country about my own country unless it's Putin.
Yeah.
And now Jon Stewart's going to come back to host the shows just on Mondays for the election season because he really wants to let people know he doesn't like Trump.
You should bring Craig Kilbourne back on Wednesday.
I don't.
He was a real, you know, he was an asshole.
But, you know, in a fun way.
In a very fun way.
I liked it.
I enjoyed Craig Kilbourne hosting that show.
I wonder if, uh, I wonder if it's going to be.
I'm doing warm-up for my own calls.
Yeah.
I was going to say, is this the call?
This is great.
I wonder if Jon Stewart's going to call anybody a Nazi or anything because he's famously hung a medal on a Nazi at Disney World and he hasn't addressed it, even though it's been brought up on the number one talk show in America and the world, the Joe Rogan show, at least three times, once when Kurt was on.
Do you think, wait, do you think he just will stay away from the term altogether?
That's what I'm saying.
I bet he will.
He's got to be at least that good.
You know, as a comic, he knows his comic instincts, right?
Yeah, he's got great comedic instincts for sure.
I don't think he's going to bring it up.
I don't think he'll say Nazi, but he will say vaccine and how much he loves it and thinks that they're the greatest, even though he doesn't know anything about them.
Vote for Joe.
And he's crazier almost at this point.
Can he still call anyone a fucking fascist?
Well, I think he will, but I don't think it'll be the people he should call that.
Jon Stewart is a shell of his former self, or maybe his former self was never that great.
And I was just, I was just all, I think maybe I was writers.
I think I was mesmerized by the great writing and the technique.
He had great technique.
And they had great, the researchers, the clips that they would dig up were fantastic and contradictory.
But, you know, just like Chris Hedges said on my show that Jon Stewart doesn't really challenge the empire and he doesn't really challenge the establishment.
He is the establishment.
He's a real Bruce Springsteen.
Yeah.
Mediocre, lukewarm.
Yeah, that's right.
Appleby's fucking level guy.
He is.
He is.
Well, you just take it easy, man.
Well, you just take it easy.
You think we're being too hard on him?
Yeah!
Well, you know what?
You're probably right.
I think you're probably wrong, but I think I probably should have been way harder on him before.
At least he understands there's good people on both sides now.
Is that the good people on both sides games he's hosted?
Is that when he's that one he went?
You're wrong, dude.
I agree with you, Jimmy.
He's a fucking shell of his former self.
I used to be a fan, but not anymore.
Who's that?
I don't know.
Shut up, Walter.
You don't do it.
It's all this fucking cold.
Where can I talk to him?
get the fuck out of here, man.
Uh, Yeah, so anyway, I'm going to have fun ripping on Jon Stewart this whole year.
And I guarantee you, only half of it will come from jealousy.
Only half of it.
And Jon Stewart, he does have great comedic chops.
He really does.
When he went on the Stephen Colbert show and said that the virus came from the Wuhan lab and that got him kicked out of a shitlib society for a year.
It turned out that was the Problem with Jon Stewart.
That was the problem.
He said one thing good.
The bit that he did, he indicted science.
He made fun of science.
But science is the religion now because people don't have religion anymore.
So they've replaced it with climate science as a religion, LGBTQ2AISB.
Instead of using an old book to base my life, I like to use future computer models.
Yeah.
Yes, that's what climate change is.
You're into past books.
I'm into future digital word of God.
Climate change is future digital models.
That's what it is.
And you can't base your life on a model.
Those models also don't work.
And I only say that because they haven't worked for the last two years.
I've based my life on a model before, and it was not a mistake, my friend.
Well, ask Johnny Depp because he based his life on a model, and she's shitting his bed.
An actress who's hot.
That's a big difference.
Okay.
I mean a model.
never even talk.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Actresses talk a little too much.
No, models don't talk.
He's right.
That's why Leonardo doesn't.
That's right.
That's why they make great beards for.
He's a smart kid.
He's not a kid anymore.
He's got crow's feet for Christ's sake.
He'll always be the kiddos.
Yeah.
And they say he gets another 20-year-old girlfriend just to cover up something.
I don't know what he's covering up, but that's what they say.
And who, and it's who cares if you're covering up, right?
I'm all for it.
Yeah, if he, okay, a guy with that many younger than him, girlfriends, but that's not that much institutional power.
You don't think there'd be something against him by now?
Right.
If he was laying a finger on any, none of them got a bad thing to say.
I mean, they're models.
They don't talk.
So you're.
Exactly, Kurt.
You know the deal.
So you're saying if he was full-blown testosterone heterosexual, he would have had behavioral.
Society will not allow you.
Crow's feet.
That's when you better clean it up, pal.
He would have been Russell Branded, is what you're saying.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Russell Brandon could have got more years probably than even Leo, but he was talking out of hand.
Yeah, oh, that's exactly what happened.
Yeah.
Well, it really went somewhere, too.
I guess that.
Oh, look at all.
Yeah, look at all those accusations.
They actually landed up as nothing.
Not one criminal charge, not even a civil suit, nothing.
Nothing against Russell.
Hasn't been brought up one more time.
Once more.
All they wanted to do was try to discredit him and get him demonetized on YouTube, and that worked.
But now he's over at Rumble.
And believe me, I bet he's doing just fine over at Rumble.
Now they got Dave Portnoy is over at Rumble.
Have you seen that?
You know what I'm talking about?
Dave Portnoy from Barstool Sports.
I know him from One Bite Pizza Reviews.
I know.
I don't know anything about Barstool Sports.
I stopped really following sports when I moved to Los Angeles 30 years ago.
But I love the One Bite Pizza Reviews.
And for some reason, Dave Portnoy is controversial.
I don't know.
I don't know why.
He must have said something reasonable at some point, and they called him a white racist.
Anyway, I don't know.
I don't follow sports.
I don't know.
I don't follow sports either.
But I did go to the Clippers game last night to see LeBron James play.
Was it Clippers against the Lakers?
I follow Bowen, man.
And I bought three tickets for me and my two pals who are basketball fans.
And we're going to go see LeBron.
I want to see LeBron James play before he quits.
And so I bought tickets to it.
He didn't freaking play.
Wow.
He already quit.
Injury.
Yeah, he already quit.
An injury.
So he didn't play.
So the Clippers won by 11 or so.
I couldn't believe it.
You know how much tickets were to that game?
Oh, my God.
I could have put a kid through college.
And it was all to see LeBron.
And then he doesn't play.
You don't get your money back.
Like, if I go to see Bruce Springsteen and Bruce Springsteen sick, I get my money back.
Yeah.
Right?
They don't have, they don't have the guy from the Partridge family fill in.
And then you go, well, we put a concert on for you.
Hey, did that guy die in the Partridge family guy?
On a duchy?
No, no, the other older guy.
Oh, me.
The guy who played Keith.
What was his name?
Oh, I don't, yeah, I don't remember.
David Cassidy.
David Cassidy.
Did he die?
No.
No?
I don't think so.
I think he did.
Come on.
Hey, Suri, is David Cassidy alive?
No, he died.
He died November 2017.
He died.
Yeah, a while ago.
Why did he die?
He's too beautiful for this world.
Couldn't have been COVID.
Wow, he died in 2017.
How old was he?
What?
52.
Hey, man, David Cassidy's been dead for seven years, almost over half a decade.
Hey, you know, here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show.
You can do it by going to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Clicking on join premium.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
And it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards.
Thanks for everybody who was already a premium member.
And if you haven't, you're missing out.
We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
Representative Thomas Massey tweeted out, your primary care provider was bribed to get you to take the jab.
Oh, but Congressman Massey, these were incentive payments.
Did they say that?
Not bribes.
Always follow the money.
I guess that's what they told him.
That's not since surprise.
You know what surprise mechanics is?
No.
So all these like EA and all these big video game companies, they'd make gambling for kids with their, you know, you want like, I don't know, I don't care about soccer, but you want to get the soccer player out of like a mystery box.
So you pay like a dollar and you box it.
it's like a slot machine, and maybe you'll get it, right?
It's already ripping you off to just sell you a thing like that separately.
That's not a real thing.
So they had a hearing about it, and they go, is this gambling?
No, we call it surprise mechanics.
No.
Yeah.
This is great.
Incentive payments.
Well, it's incentive payments.
So no shit.
Incentive payment.
So Congressman Massey is revealing here that doctors were given incentive payments or kickbacks for forcing the experimental procedure on their patients.
Now, what exactly are you insinuating here, Congressman Massey?
Are you suggesting that our trusted, wholesome country doctors who just want to keep the lights on and make their neighbors healthy could possibly be driven by other motives?
Is that what he's saying?
Like paying back their massive school loans.
To even consider that, Kurt.
The possibility that someone with a century of debt in front of them might possibly take the devil's deal is like that's like insinuating that Deborah Messing doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.
How dare you?
Trump!
She's an anti-dentite.
So you want to see it?
Here it is.
Here's the COVID-19 vaccine provider incentive program.
It's open to you if you are participating.
Kentucky, if you're a participant in Kentucky primary care provider with an Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield Medicaid Anthem panel the size of 25 or more, the results will be calculated for two time periods.
How do you qualify for a bonus?
You will receive an initial incentive payout based on the following rates.
30% Anthem members vaccinated.
You're going to get a $20 bonus per vaccinated member.
Second place?
That's steak knives.
Third place, you're fine.
To sell vaccine, it takes big breaths.
Take brass balls.
Always be closing.
Always be always be poking and jabbing.
40% of Anthem members vaccinated, you get a $45 bonus.
50%, 75% of Anthem members vaccinated.
You're going to get $125 bonus per vaccinated member.
Woo, that's like real stripper money.
That's less than a plate of sushi.
Wow.
The final incentive payment is calculated based on members who are newly vaccinated between September and December.
Wow.
Look, that goes all the way up to $250 bonus.
Wow.
Wow.
What a great deal.
You're doing a great deed, slowing the spread.
And making money.
It's great when two things come together that are both good.
So that's what you're worth to them, Kurt.
$250.
That's what you're worth to a doctor.
I didn't even go to a doctor.
I went to a store.
Did you drive through a parking lot and get your experimental medical treatment?
That's what people were doing.
They were driving into freaking sports stadium parking lots and they're getting this experimental medical treatment, which, by the way, is safe and effective.
Did those people that gave that to them get their $250 bonus?
That is amazing.
This is the approach we're taking.
Incentive payments.
Super safe.
And Elon Musk even weighed in on this Twitter thread underneath it with two exclamation points.
That's when you want to look like you participated without actually having anything to say.
He should update his emoji.
He should get a serious face emoji.
I think this is like the same exclamation points when he found out Amber Heard's kid was his.
The same exact text.
Our Amber Kid.
What?
That happened?
His dad said that on some interview.
His dad said that.
So I didn't even know they dated.
They dated Amber Kidd.
That was the guy that she with Johnny.
She was like cheating on Johnny with her.
I don't know if they were cheating, but that's.
Boy, does that show you how much women are attracted to money or what?
I mean, yeah.
Hey, I've got to, hey, I don't know, but you're going to Elon Musk is a fine fellow to date for a young lady, but to compare that guy to Johnny Effren?
She don't care.
I almost, I wanted to say MF it.
I want to say motherfucker, but then I didn't want to swear and I wanted to say MF and it came out M refund.
I sounded like Joe Biden.
This country could be described in one word.
Doctor Rocky Lee.
She had her eggs frozen outside of her body?
Yes.
Yeah, she has to.
Because that's one frigid bitch.
That's what I'm saying.
I wish I thought that kind of.
But they didn't have sex to make this kid.
She got his sperm because he wanted the eggs destroyed.
This is according to his dad.
Really?
Yeah.
Boy, thanks, Dad, for spreading my business around.
Well, I didn't know any of this.
There's so much stuff I don't know.
I'm sure the people who watch the show are aware of I have huge gaps in my knowledge.
Oilfield Rando says, at the start of the vaccinations, my doctor told me I didn't need the shots because of my age and fitness.
A year later, he was telling me I definitely needed the shots.
Well, he definitely needed $250, I guess.
Well, let's not get all conspiracy theory over here, Kurt.
There must be a rational reason why he became a completely different person over just one year, right?
I mean, people change.
Right?
Come on, Kurt.
People change.
So you're saying it had nothing to do with the incentive payment program.
I'm saying maybe he changed from an ethical person to a desperate animal that will eat anything in its path.
But as long as we don't blame it on the incentivizing, that's the thing that the real shame is.
You don't want to blame it on the incentivizing.
Boy, it seems like everybody you put your complete faith in, they always betray you like this, right?
Yeah, well, you're not supposed to worship false idols, and that's why.
Especially our political leaders.
They're so adorable and cute when they're little.
Well, my last hope is Michelle Obama running.
Yo, me too.
One day our political leaders are eating a banana you gave them.
The next day it's your face.
Okay.
Oh, this guy, Colin Smothers, says, oh, he's one of, he's the Smothers Brothers.
He's might be their kid.
I wondered why our primary care physician was pushing the vaccine so hard, even though my wife and I got it and recovered from COVID in November of 2020.
Really?
Good for you.
I suspected back then there was some incentive program, but I had no proof.
And now we do.
Why did it take so long for this to come out?
Yeah, it looks like a thing, a document that would have been around.
Yeah, like no other doctor put this in an email to somebody.
Oh, I'm sure if they sent it to a journalist, it just got buried because all the journalists in America who aren't on YouTube, and even most of them on YouTube, take big pharma money.
I still see imbeciles talking about how Ivermectin is a horse medicine.
Still.
My former roommate who I love to death.
And by the way, he doesn't disown me over all the, like all my other friends have.
He shouldn't.
I was right about COVID, and almost all my Hollywood friends disowned me over it.
The ones who hadn't disowned me over Russia Gate, Syria, January 6th, the Rittenhouse, the rest of them.
I'm not kidding.
It's really weird to walk into a comedy room now as myself.
Well, politically, they couldn't have a loose cannon.
Yeah.
I'm assuming a lot of your friends are white males that still would like to work.
Yeah.
Well, but I'm talking, even comedians who were shoulder to shoulder with me debunking Russia Gate held for the COVID thing and slandered me.
But that's because they love science.
We love science.
That's why.
One guy blocked me and then smeared me.
One guy who was my friend, been in my house, been on our show, but on our show, man.
Maybe they block and smear?
They give me a grim job, as we used to call it.
Remember, that's where Ryan Grimm pioneered that technique of blocking someone and then slandering them on public media.
That's the way they do it.
On social media.
Don't give them a platform.
Yeah.
And I'm not even going to mention their names to people who do that anymore.
I used to mention their name.
I will mention Ryan Grimm because Grim job.
I have, guys, I call it a grim job.
You got to explain to people.
And he is the DC Bureau chief.
He's not some Jagoff podcast host, right?
The DC Bureau Chief for the Intercept, which is a paper no one fucking reads.
And they wouldn't be around if they weren't funded by a billionaire.
They were started by Glenn Greenwell to tell the truth about shit.
And then they don't tell the truth about Ukraine.
They don't tell the truth about Syria.
They don't tell the truth about anything.
They hide the Israel stuff.
Maybe, maybe.
There's some stuff.
You know, I know they say the, you know, a lot of this stuff.
So maybe Pierre, well, maybe Dibi Dibidar doesn't have any money interest in Gaza or Israel.
I would say that.
I find it hard to believe, but maybe.
Peter Omadar?
What was he?
Persian or something?
Oh, Mimi Dimi Dimidar.
I don't know.
The money's coming from like a guy on the other side.
Oh, is that what that is?
That guy's name is Omadar.
I'm bad with that.
I didn't know that.
It sounds Persian to me.
I didn't know Scheme at the end of your name meant you were Polish till about five minutes ago.
That's how bad I am.
Really?
Yeah, I'm not that smart, Kurt.
I don't know if you haven't figured this out yet.
All right.
You know what?
We're going to go.
In Chicago.
We're going to switch over to Rumble right now.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
You hear the shit I say on Rumble.
Let me see.
Hey, Jimmy, will you read this one one more time?
Just read this so everybody knows.
Okay.
Iranian, Persian.
There you go.
Oh, maybe that's why.
Yeah, he's Iranian.
So that's why they can tell the truth about Israel Gaza.
When did they start calling themselves Iranian?
But they certainly couldn't tell the truth about COVID.
They couldn't tell the truth about COVID-19 vaccines.
They couldn't tell the truth about lockdowns.
They couldn't tell the truth about masks.
They couldn't tell the truth about Ukraine.
They couldn't tell the truth about Syria.
There's Russia Gate.
There's lots of things that the people at the intercept cannot tell the truth about.
RussiaGate's one of the biggest ones.
They're the biggest liars in the world at the intercept.
And they're another shit publication, which is why guys who are shit as people like Ryan Grimm rise to the top.
Well, he advocates.
It's funny that Glenn Greenwald still pretends Ryan Grimm isn't what he is.
He still has to talk to news people.
It's just funny.
Also, he's from a bunch of nerds.
Well, every time I meet these people, but you know, I mean, that's that's just Aaron and Maxwell, the like a lot, but when I was there at that thing.
Like Aaron Bonate is still nice to those people.
These guys who are real journalists are still nice to them.
He's still nerds.
And when I went to that, that festival was fun, and I'm watching, and I'm like, oh, Max Blumenthal's like a bad boy here.
Oh, Max Blumenthal is a bad boy wherever he goes.
Yeah, but it's why I like him.
That's why I like him, but it's in a circle of like real nerds.
Like nerds that I didn't even.
Yeah.
And not nerds because they're into like some dopey Stalwart.
No, no.
Real.
Yeah, like out of the womb nerd.
Yeah, they played cello and shit in school.
Them kind of nerds.
They wrote an article in the school paper that we should go to school on Saturday.
Yeah, those kinds.
Do you play the violin?
The viola.
The kind who get revenge.
My brother actually played the viola.
What is that?
I don't know.
It's like a violin, but maybe there's one less string or something.
I don't know.
The violin's too manly for you.
I think it's just a smaller piano.
I don't know how, but he doesn't play it anymore.
I don't know how you could learn Miles.
I don't know how you could learn an instrument.
And that's, well, I kind of learned the piano and I stopped playing.
It's like a guitar-sized violin.
I can't even remember.
I can't remember anything on how to play the piano.
I can remember one stupid thing, chord progression that I learned, and that's it.
And I used to go for piano lessons a couple, you know, at least a year straight, maybe two.
Hey, you know, here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show.
You can do it by going to jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Clicking on join premium.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
And it's a Great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards.
Thanks for everybody who was already a premium member.
And if you haven't, you're missing out.
We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
So, headline today is: 21 Israeli soldiers were killed after Hamas rocket triggered a mine explosion.
But you know what they were doing when they got killed?
They were doing this.
Watch this.
They blow up entire neighborhoods at once.
They go in and they set bombs.
Watch.
This is.
Turn it down.
I don't know what he's saying.
So let me speed it up.
Let's get to the good part.
So I guess I don't know what he's saying, but I guess he's going to let you know that they're going to about to blow up an entire neighborhood.
Fierce fighting, it looks like.
This is fierce fighting.
You know what's funny?
He's wearing less armor than half the cops I know.
So here they are.
They're going to plant bombs in people's houses and neighborhoods.
That's what they're doing.
It's called self-defense, Jimmy.
Did you see that?
That's what they do.
Douglas Murray should have a talk with you.
So he's got the wire right there, and he's going to press that.
And that's what they do.
So this is not called warfare.
That's not warfare when you blow up someone's entire neighborhood.
Wait.
You're not allowed to do that?
That's a civilian neighborhood, and they're just completely trashing it.
They run it by a judge first.
They must run it by a judge.
They ask a lawyer to run it.
They ask a lawyer.
So turn it down.
Turn it down because there's music on it, please.
Thank you.
What is that music?
That's like, what is that?
It sounds like the abused dog music from what's her name.
So that's them committing.
That's got to be war crimes.
There's no way that that's regular war.
Yeah, no, it is.
It's a crime.
All the things are crimes.
So here, and here's the story.
So while they were doing this, 21 Israeli soldiers were killed after Hamas rocket triggered a mine explosion.
Wow, 21 IDF soldiers got killed.
That sounds really bad until you look at all the dead Palestinian child numbers, right?
I mean, it's what is it, like 100 times or so more?
21 Israeli soldiers were killed on Monday when they came under attack by Hamas in the Gaza Strip near the Israeli border.
The soldiers came under attack while they were planting mines to demolish two buildings in central Gaza, and a Hamas RPG hit a nearby tank, which likely triggered the mines and collapsed the buildings on the troops, according to the Israeli Defense Forces or the IDF.
Wait, so they're demolishing buildings by hand now?
Are they out of carpet bombs?
I guess so.
They hand demolish the buildings.
That's how much they care.
Around that's crew craftsmen.
Yeah.
Hand demolished.
Hey, is this building hand demolished or was this factory demolished?
Artisanally demolished.
Artisanal demolishing.
At around 4 p.m., an RPG was fired by gunmen at a tank securing the forces, and simultaneously, an explosion occurred in two two-story buildings.
The buildings collapsed due to this explosion while most of the forces were inside or near them.
The IDF.
Wait, are we sure this was Hamas and not just some other IDF soldiers who suck at their job this badly?
You know, because they've been known to be this bad.
That's all I'm saying.
The IDF is a good idea.
There's been three escaped hostages with no shirts on, speaking loudly in Hebrew.
Don't shoot where Israelis being shot just to be safe.
And hey, Kurt, in a separate incident, three other Israeli soldiers were killed, making it the deadliest day for the IDF since they slaughtered 15,000 children anyway.
I mean, that doesn't even count as much as one of our Burning Man or just one of our events in America.
You get 21.
The IDF said, that's like a Saturday night in Chicago.
The IDF said the death toll in the ground operation has risen to 219.
Be still.
A recent report from the Israeli news site, Walla, said, boy, they make good burgers down in Texas.
If you go to Walla Walla.
Oh.
Walla Walla?
No, what's that?
No, that's.
What is it called?
What's the burger place in Texas?
Oh, no.
What a burger.
So what's the Walla Wallace, though?
That's an Australian thing.
Walla Walla.
Yeah, anyway.
Sounds like it.
They said 4,000 Israeli troops have been classified as disabled.
Really?
My asthma was kicking.
And that's so far, the Israeli slaughter in Gaza has killed over 25,000 Palestinians.
Boy, that's a big number.
A little bit bigger than 200.
But how many of them were actual Hamas?
Right?
I bet it's like probably closer to the Israeli dead number.
9,600 children and 6,750 women.
Self-defense.
That's what you call self-defense.
They have a right to do that.
Another 8,000 people are missing and presumed to be dead or dying.
Oh, says the old Lahaina two-step where we just don't count the missing as dead.
Okay.
Israel's demolition with planted mines have come under increasing criticism since it means Israeli forces were able to plant explosives throughout the buildings.
Yeah, it doesn't say I've never heard of anybody using planted explosives in self-defense.
In self-defense.
Those are the most premeditated possible way to handle something.
So Frank Furtschuhl says, so the IDF held a press conference on this incident about an hour ago.
And it turns out that the soldiers were planting explosives to demolish a row of Palestinian homes when a lucky Hamas RPG set off a chain reaction that blew them up all the up with their own charges.
No, I'm not joking.
Here it is.
At a press conference Tuesday morning, the IDF force spokesman's Rare Admiral Daniel Hagari said that troops were operating in an area around 600 meters from the border across from the southern Israeli community of Qasufim.
They were destroying structures and Hamas sites as part of the army's efforts to establish a buffer zone to allow residents of Israeli border communities to return to their home.
So remember when Putin said that Russia needed a buffer to protect it from NATO and we called Putin a Criminal for that?
Yeah.
Me neither.
I don't remember that either.
Is he going to be brought to justice for his crimes?
And so confirmed 21 IDF terrorists died while filming a celebration video after rigging Palestinian homes with explosives.
What do they do?
So they film it.
They film.
That video I showed at the top of this segment.
They film it and then they got.
Where do they get their minds from?
Acme?
I guess Yahweh wasn't on their side.
So important.
Israel is working to swallow and fully ethnically cleanse almost 20% of Gaza's land, 65 kilometers, to create a buffer zone that the IDF will occupy even after the war ends.
Yeti it says.
Yetiot.
Yetiet says Israel has already wiped out entire neighborhoods and agricultural lands for this goal.
Of course they are.
I mean, they're saying it openly.
The IDF is destroying thousands of orchards, greenhouses, and houses in Gaza for a buffer zone.
A buffer.
Here's what Max Blumenthal says.
24 Israeli soldiers were killed during an act of straightforward state terror.
They were demolishing entire neighborhoods with high explosives to establish a buffer zone between Gaza and exclusively Jewish towns in Israel's south.
According to the IDF, the raising of entire Palestinian communities is necessary for residents to return to their homes in the south, which is another way of saying that an exclusive Jewish state can only be maintained through terror, siege, and continual bloodshed.
Well, hopefully this will be the last time, is what Netanyahu's hoping.
You know?
Wow.
He's like, yes, it's going to be really bad.
We just got to do this one really big one and then ask if it was okay after.
It's amazing to watch this happen right out in the open after they just tried to demonize Putin for two years.
It's the whip every time they whiplash.
I'm like a buffer zone.
This is all things that was, oh, what?
Putin doesn't feel safe.
Yeah.
NATO right there.
People who openly say we'd like to overthrow you and we'd like to weaken Russia.
Like you're saying the stuff openly.
They're not going to take that like you're a danger to them.
This is kind of unbelievable.
Hey, guess what?
The Slovak prime minister said Ukraine must give up territory to end the Russian invasion.
I mean, what does this guy know about any of this anyway?
He's nowhere near the conflict, right?
Also, they did.
They did give up territory.
It's much better to get advice from people in America.
Don't you think?
Kurt?
What was that?
You know, the people who could see Russia from their porch.
Hey, we're getting ground up on here.
That means it's working.
He also reiterated his opposition to Ukraine's membership in NATO.
Did you know that?
Well, then he joins the U.S. because we're never letting them in NATO.
We never had any intention of that.
Sweden will get in.
Oh, they did.
Slovak Prime Minister Robert Fico, or do you say FICO score, said on Saturday that the only way to end Russia's war against Ukraine is for Kiev, or do you say Kiev, like a real asshole?
I say Kev.
I want to reiterate.
It's not Chiken Kiev.
It's Chicken Kiev.
And we all know this.
Kievan.
To give up some of its territory to the invaders and reiterate that, first of all, to call them invaders.
Anyway, his opposition to NATO membership for Ukraine, too.
There has to be some kind of compromise, FICO told Slovak public.
There it is, you Slovak public broadcaster, RTVS.
Boy, I think I got a vaccine for that for the RTVS.
Anyway, part of the triple demic.
Boy, wait till you find out.
You know that HPV vaccine?
Wait till you find my friend just wrote a I did find out.
My girl was telling.
Oh.
Yeah.
Wait till you find out.
Oh, we're on Rumble.
Her friend got it from it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whoopsa-doodle.
And it's supposed to prevent cancer, but it anyway.
I got HPV the fun way.
Through an incentive program.
What do they expect that the Russians will leave Crimea, Donbass, and Luhansk?
That's unrealistic.
Yeah, they already have it.
Ukraine give it up.
Yeah.
Oh, boy, that's a negative.
What a Debbie Downer this guy is.
I know.
I mean, it's really amazing to watch the level of no one cares about this and yet they're still going to pay money to it.
There's no one.
No one cares.
It's only Israel.
And right now, I haven't really even been hearing that much Israel stuff.
I think a lot of it's like, you know, the Oscars.
My joke about Israel's finally started working.
I don't want to say it.
Oh, okay.
I want people to have to come out and see that.
I have like 15 minutes of Israel-Palestine jokes at least now.
The pro-Russian prime minister took power in December after his leftist populist smur party.
I thought it was called the Smear Party.
But it's the Smur Party.
This is a smur.
Smur Party won September's election with promises to stop sending weapons to Ukraine to block Kiev's potential NATO membership and to oppose sanctions on Russia.
What?
Excuse me, Smur?
Smur, please.
Can you not?
Please don't do that, Smur.
FICO reiterated his opposition to Ukraine's bid to join NATO in Saturday's interview, which came ahead of a planned meeting between the Slovak leader and Ukrainian prime minister Dennis Shimah on Wednesday.
I will tell them that I am against the membership of Ukraine and NATO and that I will veto it.
It would merely be a basis for World War III and nothing else.
Well, he's right about this.
Ukraine is not an independent and sovereign country.
Oh, this is my favorite part.
So he says Ukraine is not an independent and sovereign country.
It's under the total influence and control of the United States.
You want to hear him say it?
Here he is saying it.
I'll have to read it to you, but if you could hear his voice underneath.
Since 2014, after the Maidan Ukrainian war, So the Maidan is he's talking about the coup that the CIA instituted in Ukraine and overthrew their democratically elected government because that government was more favorable to Russia than they were to the European Union.
And so the United States can't have that.
So the CIA got in bed with Nazis and overthrew the government in a coup.
That's what happened.
So he's talking about after that coup that the CIA instituted or instigated, Ukraine came under the total and absolute control.
I have to add context to this, Jimmy.
It came under control of our shadow bank, of our many shadow international corporations and BlackRock and such.
That's correct.
Why did the president of Russia give the order to use military force in Ukraine?
Well, imagine having Mexico, which is next door to you.
And imagine that Mexico and the Ministry of Defense is completely under the control of the Russian Federation.
The entire political scene, including the prime minister, is under the control of the Russian Federation.
He's talking about in Ukraine.
Now, imagine that the Russians were to push Mexico into some kind of military organization in which Russia plays the dominant role.
What would you do?
The argument is rational.
But he's forgetting about the post-World War II international order.
You see, Jimmy?
Oh, that's right.
What about norms?
What about rules?
A lot of norms do you want to do?
Norms, orders.
All right, come back.
Ukraine is not a sovereign, independent country.
Ukraine is under absolute direct control of the United States.
Then why can't we check where the money goes?
I brought this up with Marion Williamson, and she pretended that that wasn't the case.
Remember?
Do you remember?
Were you here for that interview?
The lady that sells new age bullshit was a little bit less than $400.
I wouldn't have seen that coming.
The Course in Miracles.
But miraculously, she didn't know what the hell you were talking about.
It was a miracle that she could be that ignorant on Ukraine and still supported.
Ukraine is not a sovereign, independent country.
Ukraine is under absolute direct control of the United States.
And there you have it.
That's my favorite part of this.
I mean, just not the money.
That disappears from our site the minute it goes there.
The Slovak PM last week expressed support for Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban in blocking a 50 billion EU aid package for Ukraine in December.
You know, Chomsky thinks Orban is the second coming of Hitler.
Yeah, yeah.
I will never agree that a country should be, but he's all for killing people who won't take a vaccine, starving them anyway.
Is he pro is he on Ukraine's side, not Chomsky?
No, I think Chomsky told us he was he's got his head on straight about Ukraine.
Is it because Victor Orban's like anti-immigration?
I think so.
I know he uses a lot of their money to build like useless football stadiums they don't need, but again, better investment than Ukraine.
That's right.
Most worthless football stadiums.
I would rather they took the money they spent on Ukraine, the United States, and built football stadiums here in the United States.
Because at least we'd have jobs.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
You'd have to hire Americans to build those things.
Imagine $100 billion in building in America, and we could hire people to do it.
Anyway, I will never agree that a country should be punished for fighting for its sovereignty.
I will never agree with such an attack on Hungary, FICO said on Tuesday during a joint press conference with Orban in Budapest.
Slovakia's culture ministry, culture ministry, also announced they will resume cooperation with Russia and Belarus following its suspension in March 2022 after Russia invaded Ukraine.
That's from Politico.
Look at that.
So the Slovakian guy got his head on Ryder.
And it looks like some of the people over there, Slovakia, I don't know anything about it.
It's from Hostel, the movie Hostel.
I can't believe that he would drop the ball.
Like, now is the time to believe in Ukraine more than ever.
Now is the time to believe Amber Heard more than ever.
That's right.
When are people in Germany and other places going to stand up like this guy standing up?
Germany is just America's bitch.
Well, it sounds like the farmers are doing it.
Does the leaders of Germany, though?
That's what I'm talking about.
The politicians.
That will never happen.
They literally are going to have some kind of German former poo revolution.
As you all know, if you tuned in last time, I have been on the Boeing story for a long time because I am so offended that Dennis Muhlenberg is a free man who has more money than you and this entire audience and everyone in this studio are ever going to see in their lifetime instead of like rotting in a man-in-the-iron mass style prison because that is where that guy belongs.
So, Boeing, hey, you have whistleblowers that said back when the MAX was killing people, this is not the end.
This is not the end.
The way that they are running this company is dangerous.
So let's take a look here at a little NBC news coverage on this so you can visually see what happened to this plane.
Does that guy have a fake head on top of his real head?
That's a Mr. Potato head of an Lester Holt of an anchor.
Looks like a Klingon from the next day.
Four days after that mid-air decompression explosion on an Alaska Airlines Max 9, Boeing's CEO told employees in a safety stand down today, we are acknowledging our mistake, looking at the gaping hole.
I've got kids.
I've got grandkids, and so do you.
I would not put this stuff on the bottom.
Every detail matters.
The focus of the investigation, that door plug that blew out of the plane Friday, held in position using 12 stop pads and four bolts.
But the NTSB says it may have shifted out of alignment.
The bolts are missing.
A lab analysis will determine if they were ever in place.
Now, both United and Alaska Airlines say they found loose bolts and hardware in more grounded MAX 9s.
NTSB Chief Jennifer Hammondy.
Would this suggest that this is a bigger problem than just one plane?
It certainly could.
Right now, the NTSB is very focused on this aircraft.
We want to determine how this happened.
Okay.
All right.
So they are investigating.
And oh, lo and behold, United Alaska Air find loose hardware on some Boeing 737 MAX 9s after grounding.
How many?
Some is very vague.
Some is a little vague.
Oh, this gets better.
Several.
This gets better.
I promise you, everyone listening to this is going to wind up only wanting to fly on an Airbus after this.
United Airlines said Monday that it has found loose bolts on door plugs of several Boeing 737 MAX 9 planes during inspections spurred when a panel of that type blew out during an Alaska Airlines flight using that type of aircraft last week.
Alaska Airlines later Monday said its initial inspections of the jets had turned up, quote, loose hardware and that, quote, no aircraft will be returned to service, unquote, until formal reviews are complete.
Quote, the safety of these aircraft is our priority and we will take the time and steps necessary to ensure their airworthiness in close partnership with the FAA, Alaska Airlines said in a statement.
The Federal Aviation Administration on Saturday grounded dozens of 737 MAX 9s after the panel blew out mid-flight on Alaska Flight 1282.
Alaska has 65 of the MAX 9 planes in its fleet.
United has 79, making it the biggest operator of the jet model.
That's an airline I'm not flying.
Quote, since we began preliminary inspections on Saturday, we have found instances that appear to relate to installation issues in the door plug.
For example, bolts that needed additional tightening, United said in a statement.
These findings will be remedied by our tech ops team to safely return the aircraft to service.
OK, so we have a little more video here of one of the whistleblowers who was an engineer at Boeing for a very long time who came out and revealed a lot about what's going on in the Boeing factories that people should be really concerned about.
And he's been saying for years, Boeing is going to wind up killing people.
Former Boeing whistleblower who testified in Congress about two fatal MAX 8 crashes fears Boeing's culture has not changed.
Things don't change.
It's going to be a major tragedy and it's going to be horrible for families.
With a MAX 9 grounded, United and Alaska canceled hundreds of more flights again today and expect to cancel flights through the week.
OK, it gets better, folks.
It gets better.
Boeing supplier ignored warnings of excessive amounts of defects.
Former employees allege weeks before Alaska Airlines terrifying debacle.
One of the aircraft's manufacturers was accused of systematically ignoring safety problems.
Less than a month before a catastrophic aircraft failure prompted the grounding of more than 150 of Boeing's commercial aircraft, documents were filed in federal court alleging that former employees at the company's subcontractor repeatedly warned corporate officials about safety problems and were told to falsify records.
Oh, my God.
One of the employees at Spirit Aerosystems, which reportedly manufactured the door plug that blew out of an Alaska Airlines flight over Portland, Oregon, allegedly told company officials about an, quote, excessive amount of defects, unquote.
According to the federal complaint and corresponding internal corporate documents reviewed by the lever.
According to the court documents, the employee told a colleague that, quote, he believed it was just a matter of time until a major defect escaped to a customer.
I like that phrasing, escape to a customer.
Okay, so this is from the American prospect.
Just to I got into this a little bit last time, and it's a big subject worth looking into.
This article gives you actually a pretty good overview of how we got here.
But this is from the American prospect.
Boeing 737 Max incident, a byproduct of its financial mindset.
The plug door that ripped off an Alaska Airlines plane only exists because of cost cutting production techniques to facilitate cramming more passengers into the cabin.
Oh, that's what you're saying about.
Yeah.
The specific piece of equipment, a plug door that broke off a Boeing 737 Max 9 aircraft during Alaska Airlines flight 1282 from Portland on Friday night, in fact, illustrates many of the broader trends in the airline industry today.
The desire to gram more passengers into finite space, the standardization of production across outsourced subcontractors, and the lack of oversight from federal regulators into these increasingly dangerous schemes.
Many of these same problems led to Boeing's infamous 737 Max crashes in 2018 and 2019, which killed 346 people.
Those crashes involved a new semi-autopiloting software that malfunctioned, forcing the planes to nosedive against the pilots'best attempts to correct course.
And I just want to point out here, because this section of the article doesn't get into it, they didn't even tell these pilots it was on the plane.
So the nose starts getting forced down.
It's like a ghost in the machine.
They had no idea what this was.
Not only were they not trained.
I'm talking about the 737 Max that went down.
Not only were they not trained.
I think the first plane that went down was run by a company called Red Lion.
I believe Indonesia.
I could be wrong about that.
I'm going off the top of my head.
But Boeing blamed the pilots.
And these poor pilots, man, they're flying.
And all of a sudden, the nose is getting forced down.
And they don't know why.
Because they haven't even been told about the system.
I have a question.
Is it, okay, the airline, if you're a pilot who works for the airline, is the airline supposed to tell you?
Because the airline buys those planes.
Well, Boeing is the manufacturer.
Boeing is supposed to tell you what's on this plane.
But I'm saying it's the manufacturer.
So I fly for, I don't know, Red Lion.
Right, yeah, yeah, Red Lion.
Boeing, I would think, would tell them.
And then that company would go, oh, these new planes have something new in them.
Wouldn't it be the responsibility of the airline?
Yeah, but ultimately, Boeing has to tell somebody.
Boeing has to.
Yeah, did they tell the airline?
no no it didn't tell them anything.
These poor pilots were just sent up and then they blame the pilots like foreign, right?
They're foreign pilots.
Yeah, I told you, it takes at least three foreign tragedies for me to equal one.
I don't go crazy where it's like 10,000 people.
Well, you know what?
You're not wrong because they kept letting that plane fly.
And it wasn't until another plane load of people was killed with full knowledge.
This is why I'm saying, Muehlenberg, if Kurt, you go out right now and you even accidentally run over somebody, you're probably going to jail for manslaughter.
This guy killed hundreds of people with full knowledge that these planes were not safe.
And he got a golden parachute.
These are countries where they put too many people on one motorcycle, for example, that kind of thing.
Yeah.
A lot of outside bus seating.
Well, that's how he tried to spin it.
That's how he felt.
start handing out some golden parachutes on those airplanes.
*laughter*
All right, Keaton for the win.
All right.
So, all right.
So, this gets a little bit into it.
A faulty course change pretty well describes Boeing, which went through a restructuring during the 1990s from an association of engineers to a firm run by Wall Street shareholders.
This catastrophic path has led to another systemic crisis for one of the world's two major commercial aviation companies, underscoring the deterioration of Boeing's product quality by financialization, cost cutting, and outsourcing.
All right.
So, hey, that's how we get our viruses.
So, this is just symptomatic.
I mean, this is why I think this story really says so much about the moment that we're in.
Originally, Boeing was this company that took pride in being a company of engineers like your grandfather.
Yep.
Right?
Pocket protectors and slide rules and precision, right?
And we'll make money just by building a great plane.
Then in 1997, they merged with a company called McDonnell Douglas, I believe they were called.
And they had a much more Wall Street-oriented business model.
And that wound up overwhelming the old Boeing engineering model.
They moved their headquarters like the movie Wall Street with Charlie Sheen's dad's company.
Kind of.
And then they moved to Chicago because they wanted to be closer to financial services instead of being out here where you have the aerospace industry.
And it just, that's how you got here because you can't, it's not like they're making fucking toasters.
Like you start cutting corners on planes.
This is what happened.
And when the max went down, you did have whistleblowers like I forget his name off the top of my head, but the one we were showing from NBC, Ed Pearson, I think his name is, saying, hey, he started talking about things that were going on in the factories that were terrifying.
He talked about how they weren't really paying enough crew to properly take all the metal shavings out after the plane would get constructed.
And those metal shavings could potentially get into the wiring.
He was talking about how tools had been found between panels.
So.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Imagine if the people who made our vaccines took these kind of shortcuts.
Imagine, imagine.
Fortunately for us, the vaccines are safe and effective.
Boeing, take a lesson.
There's some people doing their job out there.
Those excess deaths, I blame them on In-N-Out Burger.
I blame it on climate change, but Boeing can't blame this on climate change.
This was their irresponsibility.
Which, by the way, if anyone's been tracking this, I still have not gotten my California In-N-Out Burger, which I love.
I'm just making fun of it out there.
Because you don't have one right by here.
I know.
And they don't deliver quality control.
I was really into it when I first came out.
Yeah, Jimmy should have moved to a nicer neighborhood.
He should have moved to a better neighborhood.
I keep telling him that.
What?
No In-N-Out Burger?
No In-N-NOUP Burger.
What the fuck?
I've told him a lot of times.
This place is a dump.
No, I get together.
Jack in the box, no In-N-NOUT Burger.
No, I'm sitting in the car with him and Steph.
He's like, hey, Russ, I'm going to take you to the best sushi place in LA.
And I'm just like, okay.
Can we get a Delta, please?
Fine.
I mean, In-N-Out Burger, but okay.
All right.
You want to do sushi?
You want to do sushi?
So, you know, people do it if you don't have it.
I was mocked recently by my good friend Ari Shafir, former yeshiva student, Ari Shafir.
Yeah, Kurt, we always want to go to In-N-Out.
Like, I wasn't from here.
Of course, I'm over it now.
I mean, I would have had it delivered, man.
They don't deliver it.
No, they don't deliver.
And so I'm carless.
So in this town, man, I mean, you can't get anywhere.
I can walk down to Ventura Boulevard.
Call an Uber.
Get a burrito.
That's about it.
Yeah, I would have to take an Uber to In-N-Out.
I mean, In-N Out can't do delivery.
I mean, their brand is In-N-Out.
You got to go in.
You got to go out.
In-N-Out Burger.
No time for the end-out love.
Just come up to read the Meta.
You can't deliver it.
No.
My Clockwork Orange Pete's got that.
All right, Keaton.
Got anything to say about these planes falling out of the sky potentially?
No.
I'm going to leave it at my golden parachute joke.
I think that's a good note to go out on.
Yeah, it's very, very George Costanza.
Good night, everybody.
Yeah, exactly.
Good night, everybody.
I'm not going to beat that, so I'll leave it there.
Hey, become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
All the voices performed today are by the one and only the inimitable Mike McRae.
He can be found at mikemcray.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
▲
Export Selection