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Jan. 19, 2024 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:47
20240119_TJDS_20240119_Podcast_-_11824_10.44AM
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Come see us do a live stand-up show.
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Go to jibbydoar.com for a link for all those tickets.
Hey, welcome to the Jimmy Jorge show.
This is Russell speaking.
Who's calling, please?
Hi, Russia's President Joe Biden.
President of the United States, and that means all of them.
All everyone?
Yep.
I don't think Oklahoma considers itself part of the United States anymore.
Thank you for calling, Mr. President.
How are things going?
Things are going great, Russell.
We're taking care of business in the Middle East.
We took a very bold step recently to secure American interests in the region.
Ah, yeah, those good old American interests, how important they are.
How did they do?
Well, Russell, my administration, boldly and with authority, classified the Houthis as a terrorist organization.
To be more exact, specially designated global terrorists, or SDGTs.
That's right.
In light of their attacks on important shipping, these yokels have been reclassified.
That'll learn them.
What were they before?
Just a bunch of guys, you know, hanging out.
Ah, I see.
Now, Russell, they had been a terrorist organization before, specifically Foreign Terrorist Organization, or FTO.
FTO is rated above SDGT, meaning, you know, worse.
Uh-huh.
Trump classified them as that a month before I got in office.
So I got in there and I demoted them all the way down to just guys again.
And why did you do that exactly?
I don't know if you remember, but back then there was this brief moment where we sort of cared about what was going on in Yemen.
Oh, right.
Taking steps to alleviate the suffering there.
And that's fucking over, by the way.
That much I can tell you.
But rating them as FTOs was stopping humanitarian aid from getting to Yemenis.
Ah, so things are going to go back to the way they were then.
Well, that's up to the Yemenis.
That's why when I label them terrorists again and not just guys, I went with the Leicester SDGT over FTO to make my message clear.
Our quarrel is not with the Yemeni people, it is with the Houthis.
Hoofies?
I'm sorry.
How does that help anyone?
Well, with that rating, food and humanitarian aid can still get to Yemen.
We can just freeze their assets, that sort of thing.
But moving forward, who knows?
If the terrorists who were not terrorists yesterday don't clean up their act, we could bump up their shit to FTO again, and they don't want that.
It doesn't really seem like they care too much.
Well, they should.
If the U.S. labels you a terrorist organization, that's bad news, buddy.
That means we reserve the right to take police actions against you.
Congress or no Congress.
I can just tell people where to bomb and it gets done.
So these labels, which seem clownishly dorky, actually have real-world consequences.
Yeah, especially for civilians.
I know.
I really wish there was something we could do about that.
Well, there is.
Stop bombing.
Get Israel to stop bombing.
Yeah, that's not going to happen.
But like Andy Blinken said at the Davos conference today, the scenes out of Gaza are gut-wrenching, but there's just nothing that can be done.
Or I guess he said, quote, the question is, what is to be done?
Good enough.
He said this on stage talking to Thomas L. Bud Friedman, founder of the improv chain of comedy clubs.
You think this U.S. and Israel against the world strategy is a good idea or could possibly last?
Who cares?
It's not my problem.
The president can label anyone they want terrorists and can also order military strikes on terrorists.
Who would give up that power?
It's like having the Death Star, for Christ's sake.
Well, if by that you mean terrifying, yes, I agree completely.
The whole thing is disgusting.
Oh, what?
You support terrorism?
You support Amos?
Howthies?
Hoofies?
How about I label you a terrorist organization?
See how you like that?
Me?
That whole thing over there.
You, Jimmy, Steph, Kurt, Misha, that guy they talked to on the phone, set everything up.
All you terrorists.
But we're not doing terrorism.
Oh, you think that matters, hot shot?
You're aiding and abetting terrorists by criticizing Israel.
You don't think we can make up an SGBT or FTP or whatever for you, Bozos?
Terrorist adjacent rogue media collaborator.
T-A-R-M-C.
Boom.
Just off the top of my head.
Okay, fair enough.
You win.
Please don't drone strike us.
Okay, good choice, Russell.
See, that wasn't so hard.
I won't drone strike you, and I want you to remember that come Election Day 2024.
Our nation is facing a tough election, but the choice is clear.
On one hand is a man who threatens a dictatorship, a subversion of democracy itself.
And on the other, a man who almost drone strikes you, but didn't.
He didn't do it.
And I vow if I win re-election to continue to not drone strike you.
Thank you, Mr. President.
No problem, Russ.
Just don't say I never did nothing for you.
All right, I gotta go.
I need to see if these Houthies have done anything to get upgraded so we can bomb them.
My trigger finger is getting a little restless.
All right, Sinara.
Goodbye, Mr. President.
Goodbye, Mr. President.
Establishment media sets are fighting.
So good luck.
Bullshit.
We can't afford.
Why is fomenting this?
Watch and see as the jet dog.
The median speeds and jumps the medium and hits them head on.
It's the Jimmy Tore Show.
Music Rachel Maddow, Joy Reed, and the whole team of Cracker Jack journalists over at MSNBC be clown themselves on the night of the Iowa caucuses like they do.
None more than the queen of MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, although Joy Reed gave her a run for her money with her with her white Christians or voting Trump to get the country.
Nikki Haley was too brown.
Nikki Haley, the former governor of South Carolina, was too brown to win with Republicans.
Who can't mention slavery?
Yes, yes.
The woman who just ducked discussing slavery in the context of the Civil War.
Too brown for Republicans.
So, you know, not to be outdone.
MSNBC's Maddow explains why the network will not broadcast Trump's speech in Iowa tonight.
Trump won the state's caucus in record time.
Yeah, we were still on the air when he won.
That is how record time it was.
So here's Maddow explaining why a news station is not reporting the most significant news of the day.
At this point in the evening, the projected winner of the Iowa caucuses has just started giving his victory speech.
We will keep an eye on that as it happens.
We will let you know if there's any news made in that speech, if there's anything noteworthy, something substantive and important.
The reason I'm saying this is, of course, there is a reason that we and other news organizations have generally stopped giving an unfiltered live platform to remarks by former President Trump.
It is not out of spite.
It is not a decision that we relish.
It is a decision that we regularly revisit.
And honestly, earnestly, it is not an easy decision.
But there is a cost to us as a news organization of knowingly broadcasting untrue things.
Yeah, that is like the news report from, you know, the middle of a dystopian sci-fi film.
Like, it's almost darkly comic to have Rachel Maddow talking about their concern about spreading disinformation.
This is the woman who obsessed her poor Kool-Aid-drinking, brain-dead viewers with the theory that Vladimir Putin might shut off the power at any given moment.
Remember that one?
That was one of her classic.
I saw the tax returns law.
I was watching it the day it aired where she's like, we have the tax return.
I couldn't.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And she had nothing.
All right.
So here from Max, Max Blumenthal.
The only thing funnier than MSNBC refusing to cover an election winner is Russia Gate hoaxer Rachel Maddow condemning the practice of knowingly broadcasting untrue things.
So you can't do better than this one.
This is one of Maddow's classics.
I very often, I very often like to pull up the one where she's explaining to her viewers how Texas will probably end up going blue because Hillary's going to win in such a landslide.
It's going to bring all the red states with her.
To be fair, she was not the only one, but I don't think anyone matched her level of smug assurance because nobody does.
I mean, that's her stock and trade.
That's like smug assurance.
I'm trying to remember Hage, Pastor Hagee, that Texas Fatso.
That's smug.
I assure you.
Well, I mean, it's similar.
It's similar because people watching Maddow and watching this channel in general, it's a religious ritual.
It's reaffirming you in your most cherished fairy tale beliefs.
Well, I worked a week on.
That's why I like it.
All right.
So let's see what she had to say about the jab.
I'm sure a lot of you will remember this, but let's take a stroll down jab memory lane.
Now we know that the vaccines work well enough that the virus stops with every vaccinated person.
A vaccinated person gets exposed to the virus.
The virus does not infect them.
The virus cannot then use that person to go anywhere else.
It doesn't dangerous misinformation.
We cannot use a vaccinated person as a host to go get more people.
That means the vaccines will get us to the end of this.
Now, that sounds like broadcasting dangerous misinformation to the American public.
Sounds knowing as well.
Yeah.
To drag that out, that's like Rachel, you got to say this shit right now.
And then she's just, because how long does it take to say they're so great and they work perfectly?
She had to draw it out and find a way to say that in a really long way.
That's why she gets the big bucks.
Keaton, anything?
Well, yeah, I mean, look, I mean, that's just that kind of speaks for itself.
I think it must legitimately trigger that audience, though.
Hold on, hold on.
It slows the spread.
I hope that is safe and effective.
It's safe and effective.
It just doesn't stop in cold.
Oh, Lord, the vaccines are safe and effective.
Dude, the clowns.
No one ever, no one ever thought, like people always say.
It's okay if I say it, there was a danger in understating the efficacy of the vaccine.
But nobody ever thought, isn't there a danger in overstating the efficacy of the vaccine?
What if a 90-year-old shit lib with a collapsed lung, you know, saw that Rachel Maddow video and said, oh, now that I'm vaccinated, I'm good to go to the rager down the hall from me.
Like, well, like, let's say you are an old, vulnerable person, right?
Who was dying of COVID.
And you hear Rachel Maddow say, if you got the vaccine, you can't get it.
Right.
Well, at that point, surprise.
You know, right, right.
Let's say there's, you know, a couple of hot guys down at the bingo hall.
It's going to be really crowded.
And you take your one lung down there, you know, 90-year-old woman, you get it, and you could die, right?
I mean, that's plausible.
That's it.
Is that not dangerous in that way?
Like, is it dangerous?
Did you overstate the efficacy of the vaccine?
Right.
It could be.
Sure.
So there you have that.
Trump must actually trigger these MSNBC people, though, because there's a difference between, like, okay, it's one thing to hate watch.
Like, we all have people who we don't like who we like to hate watch, right?
Trust and I owe much of the success of our show to our hate watchers, right?
Half our audience fucking hates him.
I'm sure a lot of Jimmy's audience hates him.
We love our hate watchers.
We love the poorly aged.
After economy, I think we're going to get like 6,000 more from Jew Tunnel 2.
Yeah, probably.
All the people from the Stormfront bake sale, they all wandered over to that video.
All of them.
They bake?
What are you going to do?
Look, most of them died in Ukraine.
They'd have to be triggered by him in a way that it goes beyond hate watching because there must be an incentive to show Trump's speech to an MSNBC audience, right?
Because so much of their identity, so much of the identity of the poor MSNBC demographic is Trump hate.
So why not show them Trump being a piece of shit and rile them up, right?
That must be good for ratings, unless they are like sincerely, psychologically triggered by this.
They must do some kind of focus group where they know their audience just can't deal with seeing Donald Trump.
He has to inflict more trauma on them than just like the superficial experience of hate watching someone you don't like.
That's the only explanation because otherwise there would be major incentive for them to broadcast his speech and then they get to pick it apart.
And what's better for a shitlib than to watch Rachel Maddow give the, you know, fact-check Donald Trump in real time.
You'd think that would make for good teams.
Sure.
So why don't they do it?
Well, because I think for the libs, again, it's like their 10 commandments: thou shalt not platform the non-believers.
So it's, again, it's this very religious ritual affair watching these shows, and they get that received wisdom.
And this is part of the narrative that they've arrived at.
You can't platform the non-believers.
Right.
They also don't want to watch Biden talk.
So the people that are like, I think he did a good job.
And you're like, have you watched anything about no?
I don't even want to see it because I know he's good.
Yeah.
You know, the Holy Quran tells us it's foolish to look for more wisdom.
Right off, it's a Hadith, maybe.
It's foolish to look.
Once you have wisdom, it's foolish to try to look more into the world.
It's like drugs.
You keep chasing that high you got the first time you heard Biden speak, and it's never as good.
I think they're just so traumatized that they don't.
I disagree.
I think it's been getting stronger.
Like weed.
I think he's been getting way stronger.
It's the Adderall.
Everybody becomes Dottie Sandusky.
Jerry Sandusky and Dottie Sandusky thinks he is into this day because she doesn't look in the basement.
Dottie doesn't go down there.
Well, that's probably wise.
Kind of wish.
Okay, so this is from Jimmy Falla.
Not to be confused with Jimmy Fallow.
Failure.
Kind of wish Rachel Maddow had her policy about not airing lies back when she spent three years claiming Vladimir Putin controlled America's government.
Next thing you know, she'll claim Hunter's laptop is fake and vaccinated people can't get COVID.
Oh, wait.
All right.
So some of those of you who are over here from New Dissonance will know about this.
So I actually was able to have an exchange with Rachel Maddow at Temple Emmanuel in New York.
Not exactly an exchange.
She refused to answer.
This was with our friend Jose Vega, who, if you look on X, you can also find his conversation, one-sided conversation with Rachel Maddow.
So yeah, well, me and him coordinated this.
Wait, is that Jimmy on stage with her?
No.
Well, it's her creepily identically addressed friend, Ben Stiller, there.
That's Ben Stiller.
Yeah, recreating his Zoolander role with his moronic questions.
So Jose had already disrupted it, calling her a warmonger.
And so I waited until the QA.
When we coordinated this, Jose was like, yeah, I'm not listening to her read her stupid fucking book.
As soon as she starts reading that book, I'm going.
So we sat a few rows apart and I was like, all right.
And true to his word, man, as soon as she opened that book and started reading it, Rachel, you're a warmer.
Oh, my God.
She didn't get two sentences in.
So this is about it, this is about an hour after Jose did that.
I asked her a few questions.
Rachel, would you consider Benjamin Netanyahu an authoritarian foreign leader?
Sit down.
Can you please answer that?
We're not here to say that.
Would you consider Netanyahu a dangerous authoritarian foreign leader?
Will you answer that?
Look at it.
Will you stand up for the Muslim anchors in MSNBC who have been taken off the air?
Will you speak for them?
Will you speak up for them?
What do you call a country that bombs people in a hospital?
Is that fascism?
Do you only see fascism when it's wearing a red hat?
You see, you're going to knock it.
She did not respond to that, unfortunately.
Like something about merry gestures.
Well, it seems like he wanted to mix it up.
And if you listen, like, I'm in shitlib central here.
I'm on the Upper East Side across from Central Park.
And the whole night, Maddow, you could really see her art that night because she never came out and said the words, people who are supporting the Palestinians are fascists.
Right.
But she's there reading her book about the history of American fascism and saying things like, what's that?
It was at a Jewish temple.
It was at the largest synagogue in New York City.
And so she never comes out and says it, but she'll say, yes.
And looking at my research, I could see connections.
Nothing you can nail her on, but she's very much playing to this crowd of very like rich Upper East Side Jews who are rabid Zionists almost to a person.
And as they were dragging me out, I would have filmed it, but I was afraid they'd grab my phone.
Like there's what they're allowed to do, and there's what they might do.
They might as well do.
So as soon as they grabbed me, I shoved the phone in my pocket, but I yelled at all their shitlibs.
I was like, You've turned into everything you hate.
You're the Nazis.
And I said, because they grabbed my arm.
I was like, because I got a book, you know, with the ticket.
I was like, what about my book?
They go, fuck your book.
Like, that's a New York response.
You normally get that in New York.
Fuck your book.
Fuck your book.
It shows you what a know-nothing Ben Stiller is.
Like, if he really wasn't in front of her and knew, because he's not dumb.
All these people are on purpose not looking into.
I mean, that's what don't do your own research.
The true spirit is not looking at the thing that you know your doesn't want you to look at.
Right.
Well, that's it.
That's it.
And that's why, I mean, these people are playing that out in a very public way.
But when you talk to libs that you know and you can't make any headway, it's because there's no upside for them in getting woke.
I mean, real woke.
I don't mean the way that term is commonly used.
There is no upside for them to all of a sudden start talking in a way that is going to threaten people in their social circle, people that their employees relies on.
Well, that's why they won't even listen.
That's why they won't even listen to you.
They wouldn't.
Because what's in it for them to start walking around and saying, hey, you know, I think our economy is fucked and Israel is a fascist apartheid state.
You know, most of the libs you know have the kind of jobs that they might lose if they started thinking that.
They'd sooner let a Hollywood producer take a dump on their chest for like a minor role in something.
Like it, the level, Rachel Maddow, what she does is like, you know, I just think, oh, they're wrong or something.
But all her skill and intellect goes into creating vague arguments to not step on any toes.
Like my buddy Nate Bargetti is a clean comic.
He does very well.
Right, right.
Clean.
Very hard to be a clean comic.
But he's just making people laugh.
Like she's soothsaying the empire.
Peter Zion.
Well, watching her at that event, it really gave me a lot of insight into the secret of our success.
She is a really, really smart propagandist with no ethics.
Tell us what we want to do.
She's very good at figuring out, like, okay, I'm going to tell them exactly what they want to hear without saying it in a way that I could be quoted with anything that's going to come back on me.
Yeah, she's honed it over years because she had that court case with she survived Rushing 8.
She survived Russia.
She's a lovely story.
Even the corporate media attacked her for Rushing 8.
She just brushed it off.
She did what she did at that event.
She was very limited in what she said.
She's very lawyerly.
She says very little.
She says what she needs to, and then she moves on because she knows the kind of people who like what she's selling, they're going to keep buying it even if you tell them it's crack.
They're going to keep buying it anyway because they like it.
They're addicted to that narrative.
Right.
And they don't even want to see a Trump speech.
It's very traumatic that this is even happening.
So she's going, I'll just tell you whatever parts, if there's anything we can say, look how bad this is.
So he didn't, I don't think anything they really could use.
So they just had to vaguely.
Yeah, it's everyone's.
Well, it's that safety cult bullshit.
Yeah.
Right.
We're going to protect you from this.
We're going to protect you from this.
What kind of a person in a democracy wants to be protected from speech?
These people have been conditioned just to be infantilized.
We're not protecting them.
Like when it came to Russia Gate, I called bullshit on everybody who was acting as if there was any there there.
I still to this day don't believe that the people who were posting every link to every blog post to every video insinuating this or that, I don't believe any of them actually thought there was any there there, which means that her presentation was really ideal for them.
Because as you said, she never actually said anything.
She never actually outlined what Trump did.
Because if you know that there's no substance undergirding what you're saying on a nightly basis for two and a half years, any day you say too much might be the last day you get to indulge in that kind of bullshit.
Because if you say something that then gets immediately disproven, then it all falls apart.
Right.
So instead, they trafficked in constant innuendo, constant inference, constant implication.
They never actually said exactly what they thought Trump did.
And in doing that, they were able to prolong that until they couldn't anymore until the report came out.
Robert Mueller, the shark, the snake in the grass, Robert Mueller's turning over every stone.
Robert Mueller is the gumshoe.
He's on the case.
They roll him out to testify he's like Stan's grandfather in fucking South Park.
This is the guy.
And that's when it all fell apart.
But that didn't happen until two years in.
And for those two years, he thinks he's trying the Rosenbergs.
Yeah, right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
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Speaking of whoreish media figures, Stranger Things star Noah Schnapp says his views on the Israel-Hamas war have been misconstrued.
The actor drew criticism in November after video surfaced of him seated inside a restaurant alongside friends holding stickers that read Zionism is sexy and Hamas is ISIS.
Well, doesn't BB fund both of them though?
Okay.
Well, I don't know.
ISIS.
I don't know about ISIS.
I know suitcases full of us.
Maybe I'm thinking about it.
You have the wrong police state.
Stranger Things star Noah Schnapp said Monday that his thoughts and beliefs about the war between Israel and Hamas have been misconstrued.
Oh, Schnapp.
Following outcry over a video of him that some criticized as insensitive, Schnapp said, please, you have to watch Stranger Things season five.
It's probably the last time I'm going to be working outside of a Comic-Con for the next 40 years, and I need to bank that money.
Oh, no, I made that part up.
All right, too confusing.
Do you think he'd handle it that well?
He did.
I mean, that might get him some respect.
He could start a GoFundMe off that pitch.
Schnapp 19 drew criticism in November after video surfaced of him seated inside a restaurant alongside friends holding stickers that read Zionism is sexy and Hamas is ISIS.
It was not clear who recorded the video, Hamas, or originally posted it online.
What do you mean, surfaced?
Okay.
All right.
So this doesn't have any volume because they were playing a copyrighted song in the background, but it speaks for itself.
They are, these people are crazy for genocide.
It's a genocide of go-go there at the malt shop.
This is this is like where is this?
Where are they?
This is like a 1950s malt shop only with Zionism and genocide.
It looks like NYU area.
That's a very Andy Hardy take on Zionism and genocide.
So Lauren Jurugwe.
Look, we learned how to say that, right, Keaton?
A member.
We did a segment on her that was so fundamentally ignorant that it's going to keep us from being able to run for office.
A member of the.
We just didn't know who she was.
We just didn't know who she was.
Why would you?
Well, she's very famous if you're not fucking old.
I never heard of her.
But we are.
And Keaton is like, Keaton's one of those old souls.
He's like 40 years older than he is.
Yeah.
Like, the dynamic between us, like, he's the older one.
That's what happens when you have kids.
Yeah, it puts like 30 years on your maturity.
Yeah.
30 years behind.
Exactly.
Exactly.
You are defined by the responsibilities you take on.
Lauren Jurugwe, a member of the musical group Fifth Harmony, sharply criticized the video in a post on X, accusing Schnapp and his friends of, quote, an enjoyment of bloodshed, an enjoyment of death.
Well, he didn't say it's sexy.
No, hey, man.
I look at her and I did more research on her and who she is.
Yeah.
And kudos to her, man.
You know, she's the business is full of Zionists, which is why a lot of actors will not speak out.
You know, Juliana Margoli, she wrote that crazy article in USA Today about why her non-Jewish friends weren't reaching out to her and how terrifying it is that they weren't reaching out to check on how she was because a lot of these Zionists expected to be treated as if this was a George Floyd moment for them.
Oh my God.
And didn't understand.
And a lot of them directly made that formulation.
After I went and marched for George Floyd, you're not going to support my genocide.
How dare you?
So she wrote a whole article basically saying that.
So what she doesn't get is most of these actors are, or maybe she does at this point, most of them, if they were to be honest, would side with the Palestinians.
But there are too many.
They're never on any there are too many Zionists that dominate the business.
Well, we're going to show them actually.
So they're not going to risk themselves.
So, hey, man, anyone who is an entertainment who stands up, my hat's off to you, man.
So she is a very admirable young woman.
And John Cuzak, to go back to us Xers, X representing the actor John Cuzak, retweeted Jaragui's post, expanding its reach.
In a nearly two-minute video uploaded to TikTok on Monday night, Schnapp told his more than 32 million followers that he wants peace, stands against any killing of any innocent people, and learned a lot from recent conversations with Palestinian friends.
So what?
He drove into an El Pollo loco and talked to the guy at the counter.
Excuse me, you look Palestinian.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah, this fucking guy has Palestinian friends.
Like, I'm going to be starting center for the Knicks.
All right.
So is he the one that got the alien thing inside of him?
Is that the one from Stranger Things?
I only know.
He's kind of the male protagonist decides from 11 is like kind of the center of the show, but he's the main one of the kids, right?
Keaton, you watch Stranger Things.
Does he play Will or Will's friend?
They always get him.
He plays Will, doesn't he?
I think he plays Will or the Frank.
I think he plays well.
So this is quite an exercise in both sides of the fences, depending on how, you know, in the future, he doesn't want to lose his career when people decide this was one of the greatest crimes against humanity of all time.
And anyone who supported it should be driven from the public square.
Whatever somebody is doing.
But at the same time, he's not going to disavow his Zionism.
So he's trying to have it both ways.
So let's see what he had to say.
Hey, guys, it's Noah.
I just wanted to come on here super briefly just to discuss everything that's been going on online.
I feel like my thoughts and beliefs have been so far misconstrued from anything even close to what I believe.
I'm sorry.
How the fuck do you misconstrue Zionism is sexy?
You probably wanted to bang that you're clearly handing out to put up around wherever they were.
If I was him, Isaiah, I was trying to bang these two Tisch school girls from by NYU.
That's what I would say.
Actually, that might be his best.
That's not a bad call.
I dated a girl for 10 years, dude.
And you don't understand how irrational they get about that shit.
First of all, I never looked into the thing until just now.
This is why I think you're right about the buildup because I never looked into it until just now.
And if I brought it up to her, she gets so upset.
I don't know.
Do you want money?
I would just like not worth it.
All right.
So let's see what else I had to say.
I wanted to just state from my heart how I feel.
I only want peace and safety and security for all innocent people affected by this conflict.
I've had many open discussions with friends from Palestine background.
Okay.
Who?
Look at that.
That is a very revealing moment.
Let's see if our friends catch what happened there, what he did there.
Watch this.
All right.
So he says first he's about to say Palestine.
He's about to say friends from Palestine.
And then he catches himself.
I'm not allowed to say that.
Oh, I didn't.
And then he's and then he says Palestinian background.
First, he says Palestine.
All right.
Holy shit.
I've had many open discussions with friends from Palestine background.
And I think those are very important conversations to have.
And I've learned a lot.
And one of the takeaways.
He caught himself because when you talk to Zionists, no matter what else he says in this, he just told you who he is.
Not that there was any real doubt, but he just told you who he is, right?
He's about to say friends from Palestinian background, right?
Because Palestine doesn't exist.
As far as Zionists are concerned, it never existed.
Well, welcome.
When I went to cover the protest the day after October 8th, I went and covered a protest in Times Square.
And the Zionist counter-protesters were just completely unhinged.
And they're screaming, yes, go back to your imaginary country.
There is no Palestine.
Where is Palestine?
That's what that is.
He caught himself.
He was about to say Palestine.
And that's giving up the whole game for a Zionist.
You can't even admit that there's such a thing.
Well, welcome to the world of Harry Truman's frustration so many years ago.
Ways I've had is that we all hope for the same things, that being those innocent people still being held hostage in Gaza to be returned to their families and equally hope for an end to the loss of innocent life in Palestine.
So many of those people have children.
And it's horrible.
He's not getting any Israeli chick action for a long time after.
Just do another take, dude.
Horrible to see.
And I think anyone with any ounce of humanity would hope for an end to the hostility on both sides.
I stand against any killing of any innocent people.
And I hope you guys all do too.
And I just hope to one day see those two groups be able to live harmoniously together in that region.
And I hope for 2024 online to see people be a little more understanding and compassionate and recognize that we're all human, regardless of our race, of our ethnicity, of our background, of our country of birth, of our even our sexuality, of anything.
We are all human and we're all the same.
And we should all love each other for that and support each other and stand together and stand together for humanity and for peace.
Oh my God.
What I meant to say was Zionism is ISIS and Hamas is sexy.
The printer screwed me.
I was asking for a return on the stickers.
Did you see Rosie?
I have a disability.
It's not fun.
All right.
So now we've made this point before because me and Keith, we both come out of the arts, obviously, Kurtz and comedy.
You know, we're all coming out of an arts background.
And I think we've all made this observation that most of the people in the arts don't want to say shit about this.
Of course.
They do not want to say a fucking word.
They're afraid it's going to cost them work.
And honestly, even most, not all, but even most of the Zionists I know don't want to get into it because they know that most of the arts community, it's this weird standoff where most of the arts community actually favors the Palestinians, but they're afraid to say it because there are too many powerful Zionists in the industry that they're afraid are going to cost them work.
But the Zionists, they're more vocal.
But I know a lot of Zionists who were very loud at first and then they read the room and shut the fuck up because they realized that, yeah, the people in the arts community might not say anything to me because they're afraid of what it might cost them.
But I'm going to torch my reputation.
No one's going to want to have lunch with me if I keep speaking out for Israel.
So I'm just going to shut up.
With some exceptions, most of the Zionists I know stop talking about it after the first couple of weeks.
Well, can I say it's great for all of us to be in this position all the time and totally worth it to help our best friend and aircraft carry her in the Middle East.
Any thoughts, Keaton?
Yeah, I mean, he did slip up there.
He avoided saying Palestine at first, but then so, you know, he kind of botched it.
Stranger Things is, you know, notoriously tight-lipped in terms of revealing the details of their scripts and their schedules.
But I think we can safely assume season five shooting has wrapped because that would be people had scenes to put in a can.
So I think we could infer that from this.
Look, I've heard rumors that in season five, the upside down is Gaza.
Yeah, there you go.
It's not confirmed.
Is this as bad as the John Cena saying Taiwan with that hole?
I mean, that was worse.
That was very, very squirmy.
That's still cringy to watch.
Also, I mean, he's the one who's.
China is so powerful.
It brought this fine figure of a man to his knees in abject humiliation.
This kid is already a little bit sweet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's not from the muscle end of the family, that kid.
Schnapp rose to fame in 2016 when he started playing the character Will Byers.
All right, so there you go.
On Stranger Things, which streams on Netflix.
He's also appeared in the Steven Spielberg drama Bridge of Spies and voiced Charlie Brown in the Peanuts movie.
Good grief, this Gaza thing.
Charlie Brown, there is no Palestine.
My favorite part of the Noah Schnapp apology is when he almost acknowledges Palestine and has to correct himself quickly because the Zionism he thinks is sexy rewrites history to deny Palestinians their nation and their existence.
He thought the girl was sexy.
That's why he's doing that.
You might be right.
That's how they do propagate over the IDF.
I mean, this is what I hear, man.
If you go on that, what's the name of the thing for youth legacy?
What do they call it?
Keaton.
What is it?
Birthright?
Birthright.
If you go on the birthright thing, I hear they got a lot of honeypot Israeli girls out there to be trying to get kids.
You found out you want to live there.
Exactly.
That's what I've heard.
Netflix PR team.
If I had known that, I would have gone.
Netflix PR team working extra hard to get us.
Nobody told me that.
To get us to watch Stranger Things.
We have not forgotten that Noah Schnapp mocked Arabs calling Palestinian supporters terrorists and the infamous Zionism is sexy stickers.
Chick, man.
Come on.
Noah Schnapp going from Zionism is sexy to I just want peace purely for good PR before Stranger Things 5 comes out.
Peace really is the word of the white liberal because it's so vague.
There's no such thing as peace without first liberation.
That is a good point.
All right.
So this is a comic that I really, really admire Ryan Long.
I think he's doing the funniest, smartest social commentary on YouTube right now.
It's the smartiest.
He's a smartie pants.
So here is his sketch on this, which rang very true if you are around actors.
It's been a few days now.
I still haven't weighed in on Israel-Palestine.
I honestly don't know who to post.
Usually it's easy.
DLM, bang, Ukraine, bang, COVID, bang.
Hey, did you do your Israel-Palestine post yet?
I've never missed a stance.
Who'd you go with?
I look at my phone, I see a lot of Republicans supporting Israel.
So I go, maybe stay away from that.
Then I see a lot of the people we've been calling Nazis supporting Palestine.
But then get this.
The people that we've been calling them Nazis with are happy.
Israel's getting attacked.
Riddle me that.
But there really is no easy answer here.
Did you do your Israel-Palestine post yet?
No.
What does your manager think of that?
I'm retired.
Oh, you don't have representation right now?
Obviously, I was at the front lines.
I'm getting mad at Tony West when he was doing anti-Semitism stuff.
Everyone's thanking me for standing up for the Jewish community.
So naturally, I'm seeing this happen.
I go, okay, we're back with the Jews again.
I see Kylie Jenner post for Israel.
I think, okay, the word's in.
Then boom, she's getting killed on every angle.
So it's not Israel.
So I started doing a bit more research.
I'm seeing queers for Palestine.
And generally, you want to be on the side of the queers.
If you look at the things, you're not going to get in trouble if you go with what the queers are saying.
And Nia Khalifa, who we obviously support, is posting with the queers.
She's getting fired from her job.
The whole reason I'm posting this is to get in better standing with my job.
And by the way, I started to see that your silence is noted post popping up.
So we're running out of fucking time.
You had to pick who would you say?
I would stay out of it, like I told you.
But if you kind of have to choose, which is sort of what a situation I feel like I'm finding myself in.
But you don't understand.
I got a post to support one of them.
I know to you, it might be like, oh, who cares what he thinks?
A buddy of mine booked a Geico commercial from his Ukraine TikTok.
So it happens.
Feels like we like decolonizing.
What is decolonizing?
Is that just like killing the people?
That's literally what I was saying, man.
Normally, it's pretty easy.
I don't know what the answer is.
This one's, I just want to post one of the flags and sort of be done with it.
It's tougher than you think.
If I'm getting yelled at if I post Palestine, I'm getting yelled at if I post Israel.
Starting to feel like, if anything, I'm the victim here.
I'm looking on the internet.
I see Jews for Palestine.
I kid you not.
Also, I'm watching the parades.
We're talking to Times Square.
Between me and you, when I see a bunch of brown people having a parade, I think it's a pretty safe bet to be on their side.
Never failed me before.
I mean, people are probably texting each other right now, wondering where my statement is.
Israel, though, probably right.
Yeah.
For me, it's a little more complicated as a Gentile.
You know what I'm saying?
Maybe if I look at who's getting censored, that's a good place to look.
Follow the YouTube warnings.
And then I'm looking at UN women.
I'm thinking, you know, follow the sniz.
Whatever the women say is usually pretty good.
They're just posting random shit has nothing to do with it.
Trans lesbians or lesbians.
I just go with that.
Just like a random blanket post.
Just be like, hey, lesbos, just so you know, lesbos with dons are still lesbos.
Stop avoiding the dong lesbos.
Suck.
Yeah.
I feel like it's the wrong move.
But you go in Israel or Palestine, you're thinking.
No, you could be.
Oldest trick in the book, my friend.
I wish I could do the same.
Okay, so like if Native people in America took down some girls at Coachella, I'd probably be like with the natives against me, right?
Like that seems right.
I can talk to my representation for you if you're.
Palestine's got to have Jewish people there, right?
Like Palestine isn't that.
Am I being messed with here?
That was one of my favorite.
He has so many, so many great videos.
One of my favorites of his, if you go and check out his channel, is racists agree with like woke people.
So yeah, that's, yeah, man.
That is exactly my experience of actors right now.
Of people in entertainment.
You know what the answer is?
Are you in theater or are you trying to do the movies?
Based on that.
Because you're trying to do the movie.
I don't know who to go with.
Yeah, but either way.
No, the theater people, I know mostly theater people.
They fucking.
Profiles encourage.
Profiles encourage.
Listen, these motherfuckers, I actually posted something about that the other day.
And I heard from one of the Zionists, actually.
I say, all of these people I know in the arts don't have shit to say about a genocide in their lifetime, but Dave Chappelle drops a special.
They are fucking all over that, man.
They are all over there.
Thank God he did that.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
A fourth transphobic special.
They're all over that.
They're so virtuous.
Hey, what joke?
Even if you're a Zionist, even if you're a Zionist, say something about that.
You have nothing to say about the event of this moment, but then you want to come out and start talking about all of your gender ideology.
If you've got nothing to say about the one, shut the fuck up about the other.
If you want to be apolitical, I can see that.
I can see that.
It's a stressful space.
It's not for everybody, man.
But then just be a political.
Will, whatever His Binas or whatever his name is.
He should be apolitical.
Just shut the fuck up.
Whoever brought these people into this kind of domain.
The peach shirt, the white pants.
Nobody's buying it.
You're fucking up.
You're a bloody monster.
As you all might have heard, they're still counting votes, but it looks like Donald Trump probably squeaked it out in Iowa.
He's probably going to win.
You know how the Iowa caucuses go.
They got to smack a goat around and kick a cow, and then they pull a paper out of it.
That's no idea how they do it.
And then they know who won.
But it looks like we can safely say Donald Trump is the winner there.
Would you say it's a two-person race down to Donald Nikki Haley?
Well, she would say that.
She would say that.
So much so that she's refusing to debate Meatball Ron, as we call him, because she feels she's debated him enough.
So ABC canceled the New Hampshire debate after Haley and Trump declined to participate.
Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley is declining to participate in any more debates unless they include former President Donald Trump or President Biden, a stance that has led to the cancellation of Thursday's debate.
The debate people are really debates the best.
People are really crying about that cancellation.
I don't know who was watching that.
We didn't even, these were so inconsequential and boring.
I don't think anybody even covered it on their shows.
No, I just wait to see if there's any hilarious clips from someone whose god-awful job is to watch that.
Right, Keaton, did we ever do a segment on that?
We did a couple of like segments on a couple of back and forths like the next day, but we never carried it.
We never followed it or nothing.
I'd rather watch the Golden Globes in that.
And none of us watched that either.
All right.
So as the GOP race shifts its focus from Monday's caucuses in Iowa, which Trump handily won, to next week's primary in New Hampshire, Haley said she would not participate in the ABCWMUR debate this week if Trump was not there.
Quote, we've had five great debates in this campaign, much like in the Civil War when they were trying to decide the role of government.
She didn't say that part.
Haley said in a statement Tuesday morning, unfortunately, Donald Trump has ducked all of them.
He has nowhere left to hide that, oh, he's terrified of bird brain.
The next debate I do will either be with Donald Trump or with Joe Biden or with the shadows on the wall because you're not getting to debate either one of them, Nikki.
I look forward to it.
Okay.
Well, a woman can dream.
I would watch that.
I mean, oh, I mean, I would doubt that one we would cover, but I don't think we're going to see that.
On Tuesday, DeSantis tweeted that Haley was too afraid to, quote, afraid to participate in the remaining debates.
Don't do that.
He's throwing the glove down.
Quote, I won't snub New Hampshire voters like both Nikki Haley and Donald Trump and plan to honor my commitments.
I am going to lay a virtual bag of insure tied to a hose and stuck up an asshole on the state of New Hampshire.
I look forward to debating two empty podiums in the granite state this week.
What?
So apparently, Meatball Ron is planning on debating by himself.
It's going to be DeSantis versus DeSantis.
He took that part of the ball.
It's going to be the DeSantis that loved the Buzz Light Year movie versus the one that took away Disney's special stats.
I mean, I'll be in the area this week, and I'm going to New Hampshire this week.
And if they have an empty podium, I'll do it.
I'll let him wait.
Do we have a contact for Ron?
Yeah, do you have a contact for me?
Do you want to debate Ron DeSantis?
All right, we're getting that.
My kids love the Buzz Light Year movie.
So I feel like I'm very well prepared for it.
Did they?
They weren't traumatized by the girls.
Just watch a lesbian kid.
That didn't.
No?
It's a very woke household here.
That didn't shock them.
I think I would make a great sparring partner.
All right.
Well, so reach out.
Misha, reach out.
We'll see what we can do.
Trump has consistently declined to attend any GOP presidential debate this cycle.
A debate with Biden on stage would not take place until the general election season.
The public knows who I am.
And what a successful presidency I had.
Trump wrote on Truth Social when he announced in the summer that he would not participate in debates during the GOP primaries.
Now, Ron DeSantis did actually come in second.
Nikki Haley pulled what they call in the business a Buddha judge and declared second place in spite of not actually having won second place.
Well, Buddha Judge just went out and declared himself the winner before they had counted with no votes in.
He just declared himself the winner.
So she was a little more classy, slightly more classy than Buddha Judge.
But this is, whoops.
So Meatball Ron here did get, he did win something besides second place.
A very gracious voter put a lot of time into building a little trophy for him.
Governor DeSantis, I want to present to you this participation trophy.
No.
Probably not going to win the election, right?
But we're proud of you for trying.
These are a little snowflake.
That was it.
That was like Blue Doh and Popeye there.
They just picked this guy off.
All right.
So what are your thoughts on that, Keaton?
Well, I mean, look, Haley is ducking DeSantis for the same reason that Trump is ducking her.
Like, that's what doesn't make sense about her argument.
Hey, why won't Trump debate me?
Trump won't debate you for the same reason you won't debate Meatball Ron because there's nothing in it for you to debate meatball Ron because you're beating him by more than 20 points in New Hampshire.
Well, Trump is beating you by that margin in New Hampshire.
So there's no reason, if there's nothing in it for you to debate DeSantis, then there's nothing in it for Trump to debate you, right?
I mean, that's airtight logic right there that is apparently either lost on her or she just counts on that being lost on the people who she makes that argument to.
But no, of course she's not going to get a debate with Trump.
And it is strategically smart of her not to debate Ron because, you know, he can throw a jab every now and then, you know, on a debate stage.
He's a seasoned politician.
He's won many a debate, you know, throughout his political career.
And so why would you subject yourself to that a few days before Tuesday when you're poised to beat him by 20 points?
This is why Trump didn't debate.
And that strategy worked brilliantly because he won by 30 points in Iowa anyway.
Right.
To be fair, because we always try to be fair, even with Birdbrain, she made the point, and I didn't include that part of the article, that she's debated Ron five times.
I mean, Trump hasn't debated.
She apparently, this is what I'm saying.
Nobody even paid it.
Nobody even knows.
Yeah, the last one before Iowa was DeSantis Haley.
Because, what's his name?
Because Christie was out by then.
And I don't think Vivek decided not to.
I don't think he met the polling person.
That wasn't a choice.
He just, he wasn't.
I'm not sure.
Like I said, I haven't paid much attention to these debates, but it was one-on-one.
So she just had a one-on-one with him like a week and a half ago.
It's a bad roast battle, dude.
You want the ultimate roast battle.
Well, yeah, well, as Keaton points out, at least in terms of New Hampshire, she has nothing to gain.
She's going to walk away with New Hampshire in terms of second place.
I like that.
They have nothing to gain by speaking too much.
That's an amazing spot to be in where they're like, no, you shouldn't.
Well, that's the first thing they teach you in law school.
Don't say more than you need to.
That's how you get yourself circulated.
Right.
The problem with Trump, especially, it does lower him to their level to be on a debate stage with them.
It can only elevate his opponents.
Right.
When you have that big a lead, it's like football.
You only throw a pass when you have to.
You keep the ball in the ground as much as you can.
If you're up by three touchdowns with four minutes left in the game, there's no reason to get a chance.
Just run out the clock.
Keep the ball on the ground.
Control the ball.
Run the clock out.
Get the easy win.
That's what Trump did in Iowa.
That's what Haley's going to do in New Hampshire when it comes to second place.
Now, it makes sense she'd want a shot at Trump, but he's not going to give it to her for the same reason she's not going to give it to Ron.
Like, it's just as simple as that.
Do you think the participation trophy is more cruel or less cruel than back when Ted Cruz is running against Trump and you stand outside and somebody goes, you look like a sea monster?
I mean, he kind of does.
I can't remember who caught it.
There was this shot.
It kind of went viral of him looking very guilty when the child was crying.
Yeah, he looked like a lizard.
He pointed out.
He really did look like some lizard alien who got caught revealing their true face.
That was pretty scary.
One person who I'm sure was greatly cheered by that clip is Bob Iger.
That's probably the only good news he's gotten in the last year.
The remaining prisoners at Guantanamo is still open, and I'm afraid they probably have a Hogan Zero's.
Look at Governor Inshaw getting his just desserts.
Hi, this is the Jimmy Door show.
Russell speaking.
Who's calling, please?
Oh, hello, Russell.
This is Senator Mitt Romney of Utah.
Oh, why?
Hello, Senator Romney.
How are you doing?
Well, I'm fine.
Thank you for asking.
May I speak to Jimmy Doerr, please?
Jimmy's not here today.
I'm filling in.
Oh, dear me.
I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
Well, that changes things, I suppose.
At the end of my chats with Jimmy, I like to cuss him out in the most profane, obscene ways imaginable.
So I guess that won't be happening today.
That's okay.
You can do that to me, too.
I don't think you can handle it, Russell.
I assure you, I can handle it.
I don't think Jimmy is paying you enough to withstand the verbal assault that I will be prepared to rain down on you.
He is compensating me just fine, I assure you.
I doubt that.
And even if he is, it never hurts to ask for a raise.
Oh, is that so?
Oh, absolutely.
I just asked for a raise myself.
You did?
From whom?
Why, my employer, of course, the United States government.
And not just for me, for all of Congress.
We haven't had a raise since 2009.
It's time to up that salary to keep up with rising costs.
Sort of rich, don't you think, coming from an independently wealthy member of a congressional body that has done little or nothing for the average American worker?
There's nothing rich about $174,000 a year, Russell.
That's barely not to cover basic needs.
And as I publicly pointed out, there is an unspoken reality here of this poverty.
It has real-life consequences for these poor members of Congress, and I've seen it with my own eyes.
What are you talking about?
Russell, I almost get choked up talking about it.
This great national shame.
As I told Business Insider magazine, instead of getting five-star hotels, many congressmen and women simply sleep in their offices.
And?
And what?
Maybe you don't see the tragedy in this because you haven't seen it with your own eyes.
Members of this esteemed body walking around the hallways with rumpled clothing and bedhead.
Bedhead, Russell.
Okay.
That doesn't seem so bad.
Doesn't seem bad.
Russell, the homeless problem in this country has gotten so bad that it's reached the halls of Congress.
This is unacceptable.
Congressman, sleeping in their offices is not homelessness.
Well, it looks like it and smells like it, too.
As far as I'm concerned, it creates an unsafe environment.
Unsafe?
Well, much like in actual homeless camps, one runs the risks of total civic and moral breakdown, acts of petty theft, violence, intoxication, And not to mention the risk of fornication.
What do you mean?
You get a handful of amoral, power-hungry sociopaths alone in a giant building in the middle of the night.
What do you think is going to happen?
If that sounds crazy to you, let's just say that that's the only thing that can explain some of the rather nasty messes the custodial staff has been cleaning up when I arrive first thing in the morning.
Oh, good lord.
You're telling me I almost slipped and fell in it.
So I am asking for a raise to help these poor, needy people, to lift them out of this state of despair and depravity, out of a sense of empathy and mercy.
And also so I can get more money.
Wait, you two?
You don't need more money.
First of all, I don't even know what that means.
Second of all, I only have another year left in the Senate.
Why wouldn't I try and use that opportunity to get more money?
Not doing so would be insane.
It just seems like a vaguely immoral focus for someone who's already wealthy.
Immoral?
How dare you?
I'll tell you who's immoral, you uncircumcised ball bag-grabbing, cock-swallowing felch monkey.
I hope you get ass impaled by the nose cone of a 1930 Zeppelin or dirigible airship that has been meticulously reconstructed for this purpose and then are forced to get flip-flopping sex changes one after another until there is nothing on you that remotely resembles genitalia, you shameful cockbag.
You, you're the immoral one.
Wow, you're kidding when you said you were gonna let me have it.
Yeah, you should have updated the circumcise part.
What?
Oh, I haven't even gotten to that.
Okay, you know what?
I don't want to hear anything grosser than that.
I'm going to get on with the show.
Okay, sounds good.
Have a great summer.
You too, Senator.
Hey, become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
All the voices performed today are by the one and only the inimitable Mike McRae.
He can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
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