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Dec. 23, 2022 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:06:45
20221223_TJDS_20221223_Podcast_-_122222_1.35_AM
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Hey, we're doing live stand-up comedy in Los Angeles, December 9th, 16th, 23rd, and 30th.
And we're going to be in Tempe, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Nashville.
Go to JimmyDoor.com for a link for all those tickets.
See you there.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy is President Joe Biden.
Hey, Mr. President, how are you?
He's coming, Jimmy.
Have you heard?
He's coming here.
Who?
President Zelensky.
Oh, Jesus.
I can't believe he's really coming.
It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah.
I have so much to do to get ready.
What exactly is President Zelensky coming to the United States?
Why is he coming?
To meet face to face with me.
Uh-huh.
Little old me.
Can you believe it?
To personally berate me about all the things that he demands face to face instead of over the phone and to address Congress, of course.
President Zelensky is going to speak before the United States Congress.
Is it common for foreign leaders to be given that privilege?
Oh, absolutely not.
But I think you and I can agree that Vladimir Zelensky is no ordinary foreign leader.
The only other one to do so in recent history was Benjamin Netanyahu.
I think I might see a pattern here.
Oh, absolutely.
Both are foreign leaders who enjoy the stalwart unquestioning support of the United States.
A support which jeopardizes our relationship with the rest of the world and underscores the hypocrisy of our foreign policy.
Therefore, we broadcast to the world unwisely, some would say, the special privileges we afford these leaders.
This sounds like a really bad idea to me.
It is, Jim.
But it's the right thing to do.
I see.
Well, when is he scheduled to arrive?
Well, he was supposed to be here a few hours ago, but there was a setback.
No, no.
Is everything all right?
Was he in any danger trying to leave the Ukraine?
No, no, nothing like that.
What then?
Well, he was on U.S. military transport, and, you know, they have what they have on there, but he wasn't too thrilled with the food options.
And he apparently threw a pretty big fit.
My guys, they're calling a full-on tantrum.
He was mad they didn't have lobster thermidor.
So they had to make an unscheduled landing at Heathrow Airport.
Okay.
Uh, well, President.
Uh, wait, why?
Well, President Zelensky wanted to go to Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in London there.
And, you know, there's a pretty long wait if you don't have reservations.
But he held it enough people that he got a good table.
But, you know, but now then he started taking a bunch of pictures with celebrities and whatnot.
So, you know, that you know, the whole thing sort of tacked on a few hours to travel time.
I see.
But he's worth it.
Whatever he wants, he gets.
And of course, there's the little matter of his rider.
What?
What?
What's what?
What?
His what?
The rider to his contract.
What's the showbase guy?
Always a showbish guy, I guess.
But he sent over his rider a few days before he left.
And that wasn't really enough time to get everything he wanted, so this delay is probably a good thing, actually.
What does he want?
Well, five-star accommodations, of course.
Daniel, that's no surprise.
And he wants to eat well while he's here.
That's fine.
But he's also demanding a fully functioning chocolate fountain in his hotel suite.
And two dozen strawberries.
Each one delivered to his room one at a time by a topless rocket.
They knock, he lets them in, they leave.
The next one knocks his song.
So, you know, we're busting the rockets down to DC as we speak.
I see, I see.
Yeah, it gets weirder.
He wants to meet Shaq.
Shaq?
Yes, Shaquille O'Neal, the basketball guy.
He wants to go to his house and hang out with Shaq.
Really?
Yeah, most of his contract riders about this, actually.
Yeah, I'll read it to you.
The administration will do due diligence to foment a genuine friendship between talent and Shaquille O'Neal, aka Shaq.
Administration will transport talents to residents of said Shaq, where Talent will be allowed to lounge, recreate, and or participate in amusements in section or sections of said residence where Shaq himself socially engages with close cats.
Furthermore, the administration will see to the filming, editing, and broadcasting of aforementioned socializing with said Shaq on at least three of the following networks.
ABC, CBS, NBC, C, NBC, MS, NBC, CNN, or True TV.
Wow.
Yeah, you're telling me.
So I got the CIA trying to get a hold of Shaq now.
And they're like, you want us to assassinate Shaq?
I'm like, no, you Traeger happy bastards.
Just get him on the horn.
This is insane.
Yeah, but that's what he wants.
Who am I to say no?
Same with the Patriot missiles we're going to provide.
As well as training at a German army base.
People say, why do we serve bases all over?
This is why.
To provide missile training to foreign soldiers to use in a proxy war, dummy.
Open your fucking eyes.
Providing Ukraine with a patriot missile system is only going to escalate tensions with Russia, Mr. President.
Hell, I know that, Cracker Jack, but what can I do?
Z wants it.
And you know me.
I can never say no to Z. Maybe you should try.
Here, let's give it a shot.
I'll be President Zelensky.
Mr. American President Biden, please, you should send nuclear bombs to blow up Russia.
Please say yes.
My people's in suffering.
You got it, C. I'm on it.
No, you should say no to that.
Why?
You asked politely.
You should be using your influence to de-escalate this war, not the opposite.
But she is so great, so lovable and brave.
The whole world adores the old guy.
Deny him what he wants?
Missiles at Christmas time?
What am I?
The Grinch who's also a pussy?
Jesus.
I give up.
They always do.
Yeah.
Look, I gotta go.
It's chaos around here.
The entire East Wing is covered in pillows and palm fronds and bunches of grapes.
The Secret Service has to fed all these belly dancers who just showed up.
They're roasting a pig in the rose garden.
I got to take a nap before he gets here.
Is that Taylor Swift?
I got to go.
He's coming, Jim.
He's coming.
Jack!
Establishment media sucks.
All gaslighting, so good luck.
Bullshit we can't afford.
He's fomenting this.
Watch and see as the jack off the median speeds and jumps the medium and hits them head on.
It's the Chimitor Show.
moi you you There's this woman who's the editor of Science Magazine.
Her name is Tanya Lewis.
And she got COVID.
And then she did this long thread about it, about all this mitigation she did to not get it.
And then she got it.
I just want to remind everybody that they knew that everybody was going to get COVID for quite a while.
So this is what's funny is that people are still operating under the idea that there's a way to prevent yourself from getting COVID.
That's like saying I'm going to prevent myself from getting the flu for the rest of my life, or I'm going to present myself, prevent myself from getting a cold for the rest of my life.
You could maybe do it.
You could maybe do it.
But do you know what kind of crazy isolation life?
Well, hey, so here's Bill Gates.
Now, the reason why I show Bill Gates is not because I like him or I think he's an expert on vaccines or anything, but the rest of the world turns to this guy.
And so whatever the establishment, he's going to say whatever the establishment narrative is.
So when he says something, that means even the establishment is admitting it.
And so here he is trying to, he's lying a little, but he's going to first tell you that we couldn't stop the spread of the COVID virus.
He's going to lie to you about the reason why, but he's going to admit we can't stop the spread.
And then he's going to go on to tell you that the COVID virus, not so bad as everyone made it out to be.
So that's why this is important.
And then at that point, we didn't really understand the fatality rate.
You know, we didn't understand that it's a fairly low fatality rate and that it's a disease mainly of the elderly, kind of like fluence, although a bit different.
So I don't know if you heard that.
It's a low fatality rate.
And then at that point, we didn't really understand fatality rate.
You know, we didn't understand that it's a fairly low fatality rate and that it's a disease mainly of the elderly, kind of like fluids, although a bit different than that.
So that's what, that's what he's talking about.
That's what COVID is.
That's what it's always been.
And the Great Barrington Declaration was correct, that they should have had targeted protection to people who were vulnerable, not everybody.
So they've been proven right, the Great Barrington Declaration and people like Collins and Fauci and the NIH have been proven wrong.
Also, I want to let everybody know that COVID is not a threat to your kids.
According to the CDC, among children, the mortality risk from COVID-19 is actually lower than from the flu.
That was back during Delta, which was a more variable strain.
And they were saying that even then.
Now it's Omicron, which is an even milder version of the virus.
Here's what Dr. Fauci says.
Hey, can you prevent yourself from getting it?
Later, as we begin to live with it, what she was referring to is that virtually everybody is going to wind up getting exposed and likely get infected.
But if you're vaccinated and if you're boosted, the chances of you getting sick are very, very low.
Okay, but let me get the main part there is.
Is that virtually everybody is going to wind up getting exposed and likely get infected?
Everybody, he said.
The word he used was everybody.
Here's Joe Biden's original COVID czar director.
And he said during Delta, before Omicron, which we know Omicron is way more contagious than Delta, he said that everyone will get the virus.
That was back in August of 21.
That was Biden's original COVID czar director.
And he said, everybody's going to get it.
I knew this back in June when I interviewed Dr. Robert Malone.
It took him a couple of months to catch up to a pothead comedian in his garage, but he caught up.
But nobody else did.
Like everybody's known this.
And why do I bring it up?
Because here's the editor of Science America.
Is that the Science Magazine?
Can you look up the name of the magazine?
She's the editor.
Is it Scientific American?
We're going to find out.
So she's the editor of a science magazine, and she knows nothing about what she's talking about.
She knows she's become an expert on COVID.
She's devoted her life three years.
Scientific American.
Scientific American.
She's the editor.
She's three years, she's devoted her life to COVID.
She does a podcast all about it.
And this thread I'm going to show you reveals she knows almost nothing about COVID that is useful or accurate.
And these are the people who think they're following the science.
So they just do whatever Trump, the opposite of whatever Trump said, and they call that science.
So here, this is, here we go.
She says, well, it happened after nearly three years of covering COVID and thinking about it almost constantly.
It finally got me.
But rather than focus on how I got it, really?
I'm going to tell you how I didn't get it for this long.
No!
This is the thing.
Can you just tell us how you got it?
You know, since none of the other stuff matters, you know, because you got it.
This idea that you didn't get it is wrong.
You got it.
I got it later.
I got it later.
So what do you get out of that?
So I locked myself in a closet for two months with a mask.
I didn't get it either.
What does that prove?
She says, from the moment we had evidence that COVID might be airborne, I wore a mask because she's a good person.
That's what that means.
From the moment.
But not just any mask.
That's my mom.
An N95 well-fitted, hurt your fucking head 24 hours a day, KN95 mask.
At first, these were really hard to come by, but now it's quite easy to find them.
Here's how you can find a good one.
I hate those ones, dude.
They really are really bite into your ears.
They really do.
I didn't, I get a headache wearing them.
I didn't wear it just some of the time.
I wore it anytime I was indoors in public or even outdoors if I was in a crowd.
I wore one in my hallway of my apartment building, even if there was nobody else around Because aerosols can linger in the air for a while.
Wow, you really wore the hell out of that mask.
Some people would say you wore that mask religiously.
I think you can even take off a Yamaka sometimes.
Right for the first year or two, I avoided spending time indoors in public as much as possible, with the exception of grocery stores or doctor's office, with the exception of grocery stores.
So then, what's the so then what?
So you're going indoors with hundreds of people, and you're only doing it for a couple hours.
By the way, the places where I would say you're probably going to get it most likely, a doctor's office or grocery store.
Right.
I avoided the subway for a while, although studies suggested trains weren't the biggest vectors for spread.
So she didn't follow the science on that either.
So I avoided stuff that wasn't dangerous.
And I went to stuff that was.
She's the editor of the science magazine, wagging her finger at other people for not following the science.
I did get on planes a few times to visit sick parents, to visit a sick parent who needed my help.
But from the moment I left my apartment to the moment I arrived, I didn't take off that mask.
I opened the windows and taxis like an asshole.
I didn't eat or drink on the flights except to sip water like a fucking maniac.
While holding my breath.
Wait, who?
She's the science magazine editor.
Do you normally breathe while you sip water?
Wow.
First of all, it all sounds totally worth it so far.
As soon as vaccines became available, I got mine.
Me too.
I've gotten every booster I could since then.
Not me.
Including the new Bivalent booster that targets Omicron.
Despite its effectiveness, only 14% of people in the U.S. have gotten one.
I wonder why.
Wow.
You got every booster and even the new vaccine for Omicron.
You know, the one that's so effective, you got Omicron.
I got two shots in one COVID.
So I got the same as her, but.
I mean, you got, you got two.
Right.
I got two Pfizers and then you got one Omicron.
Then you got one.
Okay.
Because we know the coronavirus is airborne.
I only ate at restaurants with outdoor seating, not a seated, a sealed in outdoor shack.
I bought portable air purifiers and a sign that said, kick me, I'm a maniac.
I bought portable air purifiers and a CO2 monitor to measure ventilation levels at home.
I opened windows.
Now, to be fair to her, I did also get an air purifier at home.
We have it in our studio.
You got a portable one to hang around?
Is that what she had one around her neck?
I think she meant that.
No?
Oh, okay.
If I was going to visit an elderly immunocompromised family member, I took lots of tests, PCR tests before traveling and rapid tests for several days after arriving.
I avoided possible exposures for a week or more before traveling.
Now, I don't understand this.
She says, I avoided possible exposures for a week or more before traveling.
I thought you were doing that 24-7.
Isn't that what you're doing?
I avoided just for a week.
Why just for a week?
Were you extra indoors?
What does that mean, right?
Did you lock two doors around you?
I should not see any people, I guess.
So how did I finally get it?
I don't know for sure, but I suspect it was from an office holiday gathering where most people were unmasked.
I wore an N95, so everybody could tell that I'm a maniac.
I wore an N95 except for briefly taking bites or sips.
So you weren't using your mask.
You were taking your mask off.
So you're wearing that and then you ruin it anyway because you take it off to eat and drink.
Do you think the coronavirus is respectful of meal times?
What in the F?
How many.
So now, how many people you're endangering by taking your mask off, science editor?
Well, I took it as she's saying most people are unmasked and kind of putting it on them.
Like, she's doing her part.
She does.
Yeah, she is putting it on them.
You're right.
At this point in the pandemic, by the way, she's still going on.
This is still going on.
Just tell me, you got COVID.
We got it.
One tweet.
I got COVID.
Hey, you know all that shit I did?
It was for nothing.
For nothing.
At this point in the pandemic, with plentiful vaccines and antiviral treatments available, I decided it was worth taking some calculated risks to do the things I enjoy.
I don't believe that she calculated the risk.
And I don't believe she enjoys things.
I don't believe she enjoys things.
And I don't believe she calculated anything.
I don't think she got out a calculator and calculated anything.
I think she was friendly with divorce is what I think.
I think she was like, screw it.
I'm going to do this because I feel like it.
And then she's going to say it calculated, which makes her sound responsible.
Even though I was doing things that other people were doing, I was doing it calculatedly, not like everyone else, willy-nilly, sitting in a shack outside.
Perhaps.
Wait, did I get everything?
Perhaps I was unlucky.
No, you're just a human being and everybody's going to get this.
Oh, I got a cold.
I guess I'm just unlucky.
What?
It rained on me.
I'm unlucky.
No, it rained on everyone.
Perhaps I was unlucky, but I see it differently.
I bet you do.
For nearly three years, I didn't get COVID or even a cold because I was acting like a maniac going through life in an unlivable way.
Where's your Howard Hughes jars of urine and nail clippings?
That's right.
Yes, I was privileged to be able to work from home and I don't have small children, which were huge advantages.
But getting sick doesn't have to be inevitable.
You just got it after all that shit.
So just F is down, black is white, in is out, and what's inevitable isn't.
You literally proved that you Proved it's inevitable.
She proved it.
And you know what this means?
This means that you could have gotten the COVID virus at any point in your craziness.
At any point, you could have gotten it.
It didn't matter what you were doing.
That's what this means.
So you could have got it the first week, but you just didn't.
So far, thankfully, I had a fairly mild case.
Do you know why you had a fairly mild case?
Because Omicron is much milder than the previous variants, which is why it makes it such a maniac thing for you to act like you're going to catch AIDS.
What you're going to catch is Omicron, a mild coronavirus that has mild symptoms.
You know what you're experiencing?
That's what it gives you.
And that's why you're such a maniac.
And you're supposed to be the same.
If she was just a regular person, I would be yelling.
I would be mocking and making fun of the establishment media that made a person like that such a maniac.
But she is the media.
She's supposed to be the science editor.
And she knows nothing about COVID.
Nothing.
And everything she thinks she knows is destructive and unhelpful.
So far, thankfully, I've had a fairly mild case.
I am so grateful for access to great vaccines, good health care, and a job that lets me work remotely so I don't infect others.
Everyone is going to get it.
And then you get natural immunity.
I hope this thread has been helpful.
It hasn't.
I mean, it's helpful as an instructive.
You could point to that.
See what this did to people?
It's helpful in that way as an example of how crazy people got around this.
And I wish everyone a happy and healthy holiday season.
Do you think masking and being a maniac like that for three years is healthy?
It's not mentally healthy for sure.
And then you don't have, then your immune system doesn't get a workout fighting other bugs.
And they're saying now that I'm getting reports that they're saying that people are getting a lot sicker now because they their immune system hasn't had a workout for three years.
Yeah, right.
They haven't had a cold.
They haven't had a flu.
They haven't had anything.
I love what this guy says.
This is a guy, Follis Guy.
He says, Hi, I'm the editor of a scientific magazine, which claimed to provide factual and balanced coverage of the pandemic.
I got COVID.
In this thread, I will reveal all the irrational things I did for years to avoid COVID, out of touch with America to explain why our coverage was so biased.
That's not what she did.
That would have been nice if that's what she actually did.
I'm going to let you know why I was such a maniac and why how we covered COVID was incorrect, over-the-top, inflammatory.
This is under her thread.
This is like the first comment I saw under her thread.
This guy says, Wow, this is me almost exactly.
He did all those mitigation things.
Cynthia.
So I'm sorry, Cynthia.
And it's a professor.
Wow, this is me almost exactly, except for the portable air purifier.
Well, I'm glad you didn't go that far.
I think I was exposed on a three-hour train ride from Sligo to Dublin where I wore my NKKN95 the entire time.
Didn't even take it off for a drink of water.
Well, then what makes you think you got it then on that train ride?
Why would you think that's where you got it?
It's probably where you didn't get it.
But no one else was masked.
That's it.
But no one else was masked, and there was lots of sneezing and coughing.
Those goddamn unmaskers.
I didn't get the bivalent booster because I left for Ireland right before it came out, but had two previous boosters.
My combo was a J and J Anna Moderna twice.
Oh my God.
Wow.
Wow, the best ones.
No Pax Lovid was available in Ireland except for severe cases, but mine was mild.
Really?
Another mild case.
So you didn't get the bivalent?
You didn't even get the booster.
It was also mild.
And it was still mild.
Wow.
Wow.
We should start a club for the two most unbearable people to be around.
I don't know.
And why would you be running around if you so what I learned from this thread is that she doesn't trust the vaccines.
She doesn't trust the vaccines.
She said it means it means it does.
Like this is a professor.
That's a professor.
They've accepted that vaccine means you're going to get the thing.
They've accepted that.
Well, now they're accepting it.
But like, so even if you get COVID, if you're vaccinated, it will be a mild disease, right?
So what are you worried about?
Where's the deadly Omicron?
There's no such fucking thing.
There's no need to call it mild.
It's Omicron.
Omicron's the one that's not deadly.
Like it's mild.
I'm sure there's still people who die with Omicron.
But it is much less deadly and much more contagious than Delta and the previous strains.
Delta, I was afraid of getting.
I remember when it was when that was.
I was afraid of getting Delta, and it turns out I shouldn't have been.
Turns out I shouldn't have been.
But you had plenty of great vaccines.
That's why I wasn't afraid.
I had the vaccine.
So her name is Tanya Lewis, and she's the editor of that.
What is it called?
Scientific American.
Scientific American.
Is that the name of that?
And if you're reading that magazine, I'm going to guess you don't know anything about anything.
And the things you think you know are wrong.
What a, what a, wow.
Why would she do that?
Twitter.
I'm sure Scientific Americans some time ago started to suck, you know, like all of them.
Yeah.
I'm sure they got a, you know, a lot of like papers on toxic masculinity or something.
Boy.
Rather than science, you know.
Wow.
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Here's a crazy story.
You know how Joe Biden can't stop lying, right?
So glad that they got rid of Donald Trump so we could hear Joe Biden lie.
And so now he's got a new lie.
You know, recently he's been saying his kid died in Iraq.
You remember that one?
Yes, right.
Kid didn't die in Iraq.
He lied about where he went to college during the campaign, didn't do that.
By the way, dying in Iraq, it's not the burn pits he was exposed to.
He said he died in Iraq.
In Iraq, not because of.
Yeah.
And Joe Biden says after he was elected vice president, well, here it is.
You want to hear what he has to say?
You know, my dad, when I got elected vice president, he said, Joey, Uncle Frank fought in the Battle of the Balls.
He was not fair very well now.
Not because of the Battle of Balls.
But he said, and he won the Purple Heart.
And he never received it.
He never got it.
Do you think you could help him get it?
Well, surprise him.
So I got him the Purple Heart.
He had won it in the Battle of Balls.
And I remember he came over to the house and I came out and he said, present it to him.
Okay, read the family there.
I said, Uncle Frank, you won.
Listen to these details.
Listen, I went to Patient.
I don't want the damn thing.
I'm serious.
He said, I don't want it.
That's how you know he's lying.
I'm serious.
Whatever he goes, no, serious.
Whatever that, that's his tell.
I'm not kidding.
Not kidding.
I said, what's the matter, Uncle Frank?
You earned it.
He said, yeah, but the others died.
Drama.
This is what's called a made-up story.
I said, well, Uncle Frank, you got the thing, man.
Why don't you want your thing?
I don't want it.
Get out.
Stupid guy doesn't even know anything about the thing.
I lived.
I don't want it.
Now, what a highly detailed, coherent story.
He's not stuttering or anything.
This must have been an actual, really touching story and not a totally made-up moment.
So you want to hear, I've heard a story like this previously.
You want to hear the story?
One of his buddies got shot, fell down a ravine about 60 feet.
This guy climbed down a ravine, carried this guy up on his back under fire.
And the general wanted me to pin the silver star on him.
And then a moving moment as Biden approached with the medal.
It's a God's truth.
My word is a Biden.
It's much to his attention.
I went to Penn and I said, sir, I don't want the damn thing.
Do not turn it on me, sir.
Please, sir, do not do that.
He died.
He died.
But the Washington Post dug into the story and determined Biden got the time period, the location, the heroic act, the type of medal, the military branch, and the rank of the recipient wrong, as well as his own role in the ceremony.
But other than that, other than that, it was a great idea.
That one thing right.
Sounds like the exact same story he just told about his father, his uncle.
I don't want the medal.
They died.
It sounds like the same story.
It's like a crisis of nobody wants their medal going.
Yes.
So this is his powerful story.
I'm sure he's told on the campaign trail.
Yeah, right.
A million times.
Oh, this is serious.
They don't want it.
I don't want it, sir.
So now it's made up.
This is like his old material.
Okay, how old was that?
The one you just showed.
This was from when he was going on the campaign trail in 2019, 2020.
Okay.
I thought he seemed senile back then, but I was wrong.
The new one where he's telling the story, he is deteriorating.
He has deteriorated, yes.
So now let's go see if this story about the uncle is real.
Frank Biden, who served in the Army during World War II, he died in 1999.
So if Joe Biden gave that medal to him when he was vice president, Joe Biden wasn't vice president until 2009.
So it's 10 years off.
So maybe he met a senator.
So maybe he met when he was senator.
He pinned him.
Yeah, sometimes you mix those up, being senator and the vice president.
So he died when Joe Biden went senator, not vice president.
So maybe I was senator when I got the medal.
Okay.
What are you being a killjoy for?
Also, Biden said he got the Purple Heart for his uncle at the urging of his father, Joseph R. Biden Sr.
But Biden's dad died in 2002 when the current president was still in the Senate.
When Biden got elected vice president, he said his father urged him to get Uncle Frank a Purple Heart, which the Army says is awarded in the name of the president to any member of an armed force or any civilian national of the United States wounded or killed, or who has died after being wounded in a military conflict.
Biden said his uncle Frank signed up for the Army a day after Pearl Harbor was attacked by the Japanese.
We told the White House that we couldn't find any support for the president's story, at least how he told it.
Both his uncle and father died in Wilmington, Delaware, years before Joe Biden became.
His uncle died at the age of 81 in 1999, and his father died in 86 in 2002.
Joe Biden became vice president in January 2009.
Maybe they were ghosts.
Maybe he was communicating.
Maybe he's a clairvoyant.
Maybe that's whose hand he's shaking when there's no one there.
That's it.
It's Uncle Frank.
We asked the White House if this incident happened.
And if so, when?
We asked if perhaps it occurred when Biden was a senator.
But the White House didn't answer our questions.
No kidding.
Also, our fact-checking colleague.
Can you imagine if Trump did this?
They'd make a movie of the week out of it.
There would be a full book written about this.
There'd be a couple books written about it for sure.
Bernstein, the survivor.
Which one's alive still?
Bernstein or Woodward?
Woodward.
They're both alive.
Also, our fact-checking colleagues at Snopes found that Frank Biden joined the Army on July 17th, 1941, which was months before the attack on Pearl Harbor, contrary to Biden's claim that Frank Biden joined the Army after Pearl Harbor.
Well, I get that part wrong.
It adds nothing.
It's more dramatic.
A day after, day after that.
We also couldn't find any record that Frank Biden was awarded a Purple Heart, either while he was alive or posthumously.
Okay, maybe that's why Frank, Uncle Frank, didn't want his Purple Heart because he never was awarded one.
I keep telling you, I didn't do anything.
Traces of War, a website on the history of global conflict, says about 1.1 million World War II veterans received a Purple Heart, but its list of Purple Heart recipients doesn't include Uncle Frank.
The National Purple Heart Hall of the Hunter also keeps a list of those honored with the award, but Frank Biden does not appear on that website either.
Wow.
So they don't have records of all the Purple Hearts, but surely there's a record of Senator Biden requesting the Purple Heart for a surprise ceremony for Uncle Frank with the whole family there.
Right?
They're not, okay, they don't have records, but once he achieved getting it, they got that day.
They got to have that record.
A family gathering.
The White House did not tell us if Joe Biden secured a Purple Heart for his uncle.
And when we told the White House that we could find no record of Frank Biden receiving a Purple Heart, the White House pointed us to a disclaimer on the National Purple Heart Hall of Honor website that says, Enrollment is voluntary, as there is no comprehensive list of Purple Heart recipients in existence.
Really?
Wow.
The Army also notes that there's not a consistent record kept of Purple Heart recipients.
But whether Frank Biden received a Purple Heart isn't the issue.
Instead, it's the president's story of securing a Purple Heart while serving as vice president and trying to present it to his uncle, that suspect.
The White House couldn't say whether such an event even happened.
That's unbelievable.
It's a good thing that he graduated top of his class.
I'm starting to think that Biden's uncles isn't even named Frank.
It's suspicious to get one thing right.
So here, do you want to?
So, but it's not like we didn't know about this.
Joe Biden's got a history of this.
This is who he is.
Explaining to do the new questions stemmed from tape remarks of Biden during an April campaign appearance in New Hampshire.
I went to law school on a full academic scholarship.
The only one in my class to have a full academic scholarship went back to law school and, in fact, ended up in the top half of my class.
I was the outstanding student in the political science department at the end of my year.
I graduated with three degrees from undergraduate school and 165 credits, only needed 123 credits.
Biden now concedes he did not graduate in the top half of his law school class, that he does not have three degrees from college, and that he was not named outstanding political science student in college.
Why even say that?
Because he didn't think anybody was going to fact-check him.
But the people, okay, before he's fact-checked, they show the people listening to him.
None of them have a look on their face, like, oh, that's great.
They look like, why are you telling me this?
That sounds like that's the stuff that they would say Trump would say.
My penis measures over nine inches.
My Q is 200 and in four years, President Trump made 30,573 false or misleading claims.
How many has Biden made so far?
Oh, they stopped counting.
Wait, is there no Uncle Frank?
You can't find, you can't find him.
Why don't they just put how many things they said that turned out to be true on the, you know, it's a much lower, easier score to keep track of.
Than all the things that are a lie.
I'll bet Trump said three true things.
Yeah, that we're keeping the troops in Syria for the oil.
Yeah, my daughter's hot.
And Biden's sleepy.
And then Biden has none.
And there's a deep state.
Yeah.
Oh, right.
There's a deep state.
Yeah.
Those are the three truths that he told that they don't want anybody to tell them.
Well, the second one, they don't care.
Part six of the Twitter threads.
Ready?
Between January 2020 and November 2022, there were over 150 emails.
The FBI and former Twitter trust and safety chief Yoel Roth between them.
We've showed you Yoel Roth before.
Now he's afraid for his life.
Some are mundane, like San Francisco agent Elvis Chan wishing Roth a happy new year, along with a reminder to attend one quarterly call next week.
Others are requests for information into Twitter users related to active investigations.
So that's more of their friendly relationship with the FBI and the higher-ups at Twitter.
But a surprisingly high number of requests by the FBI for Twitter to take action on election misinformation, even involving joke tweets from low follower accounts.
This is kind of mind-blowing.
That's that part.
The FBI's social media, I'll show you.
I'm going to show you it.
The FBI social media focused task force known as FTIF or fuckheads, created in the wake of 2016 elections, swelled to 80.
So they had 80 agents monitoring Twitter for jokes they didn't like.
You think I'm kidding?
That 80 FBI agents, they're getting dental.
So they can peruse fucking Twitter all day.
That's what they're doing with your tax dollars.
Well, do you think they have to show like numbers of because the low follower count, the ones I saw them, you know, they show they censor them.
Do you think they have to like, look, I got this many censors?
Yes, just like a copyrights parking tickets.
You mean like that?
Yeah, you have a quota.
Yeah.
But much less valuable.
Much less valid.
Federal intelligence and law enforcement reach into Twitter.
Their reach into Twitter included the Department of Homeland Security, which partnered with security contractors and think tanks to pressure Twitter to moderate content.
It's no secret that government analyzes bulk data for all sorts of purposes, everything from tracking terror suspects to making economic forecasts.
The Twitter files show something new.
Agencies like the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security regularly sending social media content to Twitter through multiple entry points pre-flagged for moderation.
So all that means is the FBI was on the regular sending shit to Twitter and saying, take this down, censor this.
And who did the work?
The FBI did the work.
And we're giving you an order.
Go ahead.
It's not censorship if it's not the government.
It was the government.
It's been the government the whole time.
It's been the government.
What stands out is the sheer quantity of reports from the government.
Some are aggregated from public hotlines.
So here it says: Election Day protocol for FBI headquarters is to stand up a national election command post, which provides a centralized location for assessing election-related threats.
Status reports and complaints are tracked.
Have a tip, send it in.
So what stands out is the sheer quantity of reports from the government.
Some are aggregated from public hotlines.
So they would just get, you could call them, you could call the FBI's hotline, and the FBI would call Twitter and say, fucking take down his thing.
See something, censor something.
See something.
An unanswered question: Do agencies like the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security do in-house flagging work themselves, or do they farm it all out?
You have to prove to me that inside the effing government, you can do any kind of massive data or AI search, says one former intelligence officer.
Hello, Twitter contacts.
The master canine quality of the FBI's relationship with Twitter comes through.
So he's calling it like a dog and its master.
That Twitter was like the dog and the FBI's the master.
It comes through in this November 2022 email in which the FBI San Francisco is notifying you it wants Action on four accounts.
That's from Fred, FBI San Francisco.
It says, FBI San Francisco is notifying you of the below accounts, which may potentially constitute violations of Twitter's terms of service for any action or inaction deemed appropriate within Twitter policy.
And then they give you the four, there's the four accounts.
This is what the FBI is doing all day.
Twitter personnel in that case went on to look for reasons to suspend all four of those accounts.
So FBI says suspend these accounts.
And then the people at Twitter go, let's find a reason to suspend them.
The FBI wants them suspended.
And they do.
And they, from one of the accounts, was someone called At Froma, and all those tweets were jokes.
You want to see the I want to remind Republicans to vote tomorrow, Wednesday, November 9th.
That's obviously a joke.
That's the kind of stuff.
Look at the engagement of it.
25 retweets?
This is the kind of stuff that the FBI would flag.
Just to show the FBI can be hyper-intrusive in both directions, they also asked Twitter to review a blue-leaning account for a different joke.
Except here it was even more obvious that Claire Foster, Ph.D., who kids a lot, was kidding.
You want to see it?
Here it is.
So here's the thing that says, take this tweet down by this lady.
And then here's Dr. Foster.
I'm a ballot counter in my state.
If you're not wearing a mask, I'm not counting your vote.
Safety first.
For every negative comment on this post, I'm adding another vote for the Democrats.
Those are obvious jokes.
You know, the first one was not an obvious joke to me because people are that crazy on there that they would say that.
The second one, oh, I see it's a joke now.
Yeah.
The first one's like not a great, it's just like a lie.
It's not really a great joke.
But look at the engagement, right?
Okay.
Matt Taibbi says, anyone who cannot discern obvious satire from reality has no place making decisions for others or working for the feds, said Claire Foster, Ph.D. when told about the flagging.
Or maybe they have no business flagging jokes.
Yes.
How about feds aren't, shouldn't their sense of humor should not be the you shouldn't have to pass a litmus test if you have a sense of humor to go censor somebody's joke.
How about no censoring?
How about the government's like I thought is allowed to do that?
And that's what you all harped on.
That's what I thought.
Of the six accounts mentioned in the previous two emails, all but two were suspended.
In an internal email from November 5th, 2022, the FBI's national election command post, which compiles and sends on complaints, sent the San Francisco field office a long list of accounts that they may warrant additional action.
Look at all these freaking accounts they sent.
By the way, number 20 on the list?
What is number 20?
Number 20?
Billy Baldwin.
What did Billy Baldwin say?
What did he say?
Something about Jesus.
Something about Jesus and abortion.
So here it is.
Here's all of them.
And hear them say, hey, we want you to take these down.
Agent Chan passed the list on to his Twitter folks.
So it says, hang on.
It says, please see below the list of Twitter accounts, which we believe are violating your terms of service by disseminating false information about time, place, or manner of upcoming elections.
Let us know if you decide to take any actions against these accounts based on our tipper to you.
Also, let us know if we need to issue a preservation letter as we intend to serve legal process for these accounts.
What in the F?
Well, he included his pronouns.
That's pretty cool.
Did he?
Oh, my God.
He should have put him first.
That's the only exception I would take to it.
So he says, Twitter then replied with its list of actions taken.
Note mercy shown to actor Billy Baldwin because he's not on the list again.
So it's like he somehow got left off that list.
Many of the above accounts were satirical in nature.
Nearly all, with the exception of Baldwin and the RSB network, were relatively low engagement.
And some were suspended, most with a generic thanks Twitter letter.
Okay.
When told of the FBI flagging, Lexa Tola replied, my thoughts initially include one, seems like prima fascia.
What does that mean?
A prima facie First Amendment violation.
What does prima fascia mean?
Holy cow, me, an account with that reach of an amoeba.
What else are they looking at?
So that's what this guy thought.
Like, they're looking at me.
I have no reach.
I can't believe the FBI is policing jokes on Twitter.
That's crazy, said Tiberius.
A letter.
Is that my nephew?
Tiberius 444?
Wasn't that his handle?
Can't be.
It can't be.
Prima facie is a Latin expression meaning at first sight or based on first impression.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
Facci.
No, it's prima facia.
You think it's Facci?
I say prima fauci.
Facci.
It's prima fonsi, I call it.
You think it's prima facci?
If I'm looking at the way that's pronounced right there.
Can you see it?
Is that prima facie?
See she?
Do you see the A at the end?
That ah, that E with the thing on the top of it.
How do you pronounce that?
That's a E. It's like a long E?
Oh, really?
Hmm.
Hey, Suri.
How do you pronounce prima facie?
Oh.
There's a video.
I don't know why Siri didn't talk to me.
We are looking at how to pronounce this Latin expression, meaning on its first encounter or at first sight.
The literal translation would be at first face or at first appearance.
We are looking at how to pronounce in English or American.
This is normally pronounced prima facie.
Prima facie?
Prima fascia.
I watch Boston Legal.
Not Fauci.
It's prima fascia.
I was right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
No one congratulating me for being ready.
They still think I'm wrong.
That's the problem here.
They still think I have it mispronounced.
We don't.
We're really proud.
In a letter.
In a letter to former Deputy General Counsel and former top FBI counts lawyer, Jim Baker, on September 6th, 2022.
These are recent.
Legal executive Stasha Cardill outlines results from her soon-to-be weekly meeting with the Department of Homeland Security, the Department of Justice, the FBI, and the Office of the Director of National Intelligence.
What in the fuck is going on at Twitter?
You know, Jimmy, prima fascia.
I think all those departments should have their fucking funding cut.
I hope they do.
The Twitter executive writes, she explicitly asked if there were impediments to the sharing of classified information with industry.
The answer, FBI was adamant no impediments to sharing existed.
This passage underscores the unique one big happy family vibe between Twitter and the FBI.
With what other firm would the FBI blithely agree to no impediments to classified information?
Holy shit.
At the bottom of that letter, she lists a series of escalations apparently raised at the meeting, which were already handled.
About one, she writes, flagged a specific tweet on Illinois use of modems to transmit election results and possible violations of the civic integrity policy.
Another internal letter from January 2021 shows Twitter executives processing an FBI list of possible violative content tweets.
There it is.
Okay.
Here, too, most tweets contained the same get out there and vote Wednesday trope that had low engagement.
This is what the FBI spends its time on.
So it's another one of these get out and vote on Wednesday.
So that's another thing.
Maybe they just hate hack jokes.
Maybe they don't like hack jokes at the FBI.
All right.
In this March 2021 email, an FBI liaison thanks a senior Twitter executive.
You know how hard it is for me not to say FBI lesbian every time I read the word liaison.
An FBI and liaison thanks a senior Twitter executive for the chance to speak to you and the team, then delivers a packet of products.
Products are what people to be censored?
Yes.
Great.
The executive circulates the products, which are really Department of Homeland Security bulletins stressing the need for greater collaboration between law enforcement and private sector partners.
There it is.
There it is.
It says, please see the products the FBI Office of Public Sector just provided to us.
Please feel free to share these with your teams.
Russian malign influence, use of permission.
So it's all garbage.
The ubiquity of the 2016 Russian interference story as stated pretext for building out the censorship machine can be overstay, can't be overstate.
So what he's saying is they were using the idea that Russia hacked our election to do all this censoring.
He said that can't be overstated.
Russia didn't hack our election.
That didn't happen.
You'll see how he said it's analogous to how 9-11 inspired the expansion of the security state.
I guess it's not because 9-11 did happen.
Yeah, 9-11 happened.
The election thing did not happen.
It did not happen.
But they used 9-11 to bring in a security state and a surveillance state, which we now live under.
You know, the government collects every one of your texts, emails, and telephone calls, your telephone calls.
They've got them.
Luckily, they've got me trained to give all that stuff away of my own accord every chance I get.
That's right.
While the Department of Homeland Security in its products pans permissive social media.
The wordings that Matt Taibbi uses is often not helpful.
While the Department of Homeland Security and its products pans permissive social media for offering operational advantages to Russians, it also explains that the domestic violent extremist threat requires addressing information gaps.
Okay.
The FBI in one case sent over so many possible violative content reports that Twitter personnel congratulated each other in the Slack for the monumental undertaking of reviewing them.
This is unfreaking believable.
It's amazing that they actually would read this many lame tweets, but in government, they will not read the 41,000.
They won't read the budget.
There were multiple points of entry into Twitter for government-flagged reports.
This letter from Agent Chan to Roth references Teleporter.
That's a platform through which Twitter could receive reports from the FBI.
Reports also came from different agencies.
Here, an employee recommends bouncing content based on evidence from the Department of Homeland Security.
State governments also flagged content.
Twitter, for instance, received reports via the partner support portal, an outlet created by the Center for Internet Security, a partner organization to the Department of Homeland Security.
Why was no action taken?
Below Twitter execs receiving an alert from California officials by way of our partner support portal debate whether to act on a Trump tweet.
And that's them debating it.
California hired, this is the tweet.
California hired a pure sleepy Joe Democrat firm to count and harvest votes.
No way Republicans get a fair shake.
Lawyers, get started.
GOP leader, California is in big trouble.
Vote Trump and watch the greatest comeback of them all.
Also, New York and Illinois, go for it.
So that's what they're talking about.
Here, a video was reported by the Election Integrity Project at Stanford, apparently on the strength of information from the Center for Internet Security.
If that's confusing, it's because the Center for Internet Security and the Department of Homeland Security contractor describes itself as partners with the cyber and internet security agency CISA at the Department of Homeland Security.
Oh, great.
They're outsourcing it.
That's how we get some of our best viruses.
The EIP is one of a series of government-affiliated think tanks that mass review content.
A list that also includes the Atlantic Council's Digital Forensics Research Laboratory and the University of Washington Center for Informed Policy.
The takeaway, what most people think of as the deep state is really a tangled collaboration of state agencies, private contractors, and sometimes state-funded non-governmental organizations.
The lines become so blurred as to be meaningless.
Good to know the FBI spends its time flagging joke tweets for Twitter employees rather than investigating reports of Larry Nasser being a serial pedophile.
They did nothing for over a year on that one from the first report.
On purpose.
On purpose, but they're on these Twitter reports.
Alex Berenson says, most interesting segment of the Twitter file so far.
If you don't think the FBI needs serious layoffs, consider that they had 80 agents flagging election jokes.
You know, I see why those agents covered up those molestations.
They really want to get a better job working for Larry Nasser.
Yes.
Again, the suppression of dissenting voices on social media was not just private companies deciding what they allow.
The federal Government was and is directing them to suppress anything you say that the government doesn't want you to say.
That's what's happening, and that's why Jack and that Vijay Jay blied their fucking asses off when they went on Joe Rogan and lied their asses off every day of their life.
You know, the worst part of people who were actually spreading misinformation were the people running Twitter.
They were lying to us.
You weren't even getting the government, wasn't even personally censoring.
They were outsourcing.
Like, you don't even get that level of customer service from the government that outsources some prick company or a think tank to do it.
It's really amazing, man.
*Bell rings* Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who is this?
Jimmy, this is Alec Balan.
Oh, Alec, what's on your mind, pal?
Jimmy, are you protecting your family?
What?
Well, I think so.
I mean, what do you mean exactly?
Jimmy, celebrities are under siege from Hoi Poloi.
What are you talking about, Alec?
Jimmy, I don't know if you heard, but my friend and fellow thespian and Manhattan resident, Bobby De Niro.
I'm one of those guys who calls him Bobby.
Yeah.
Was recently burgled.
Burgled?
Burgled, Jimmy.
Brazenly, flagrantly.
A woman broke into his basement door while he was in the house.
Sweet, helpless Bobby De Niro and tried to steal presents from under his Christmas tree.
Thankfully, New York's finest were able to stop and apprehend this Grinchette swine before she was able to make off with the precious De Niro family gifts.
I see.
One gets lost in fancy wondering what precious trinkets Bobby gets his family during Yuletide.
But it smells like leather and imported pasta under that tree.
Okay.
Anyway, luckily, National Treasure Bobby De Niro lives to see another day.
But others of us may not be so lucky.
I mean, could this happen to me?
To you?
Hey, honestly, this sounds like a fluke incident, Alec.
She probably didn't even know whose house she's breaking into.
Likely story, I live in a similar townhouse, Jimmy.
Could someone force their way in here and take all of the 482 gifts for my 14 children and wife Ilaria?
Like some perverse street jackal anti-sent.
Oh, come on.
Not on my watch, Jimmy.
The Baldwin house.
I refuse to allow my sacred domicile to be a hunting ground for any Tom Digger Harry off the main streets of New York looking to pilfer the fruits of my celebrity begotten wealth.
Okay, so you're you're gonna get a security system.
Of course, we already have one of those, but that can only summon the authorities in the case of a break-in.
In these situations, seconds count.
Oh, I see.
So, what then?
Jimmy, I've procured a veritable stockpile of weaponry, firearms of various calibers, and I assure you, they are not loaded with blanks.
Uh-huh.
Is this really a good idea to have in a house full of children?
On the contrary, Jimmy, it is an excellent idea if the children are trained to use them effectively.
Each little one has a firearm assigned to them of appropriate size and recoil.
Alejandro now has a brand new 30 odd six.
Sweet little Romeo has a cute little stair engineer he didn't call his very own.
And they all know how to use them.
This sounds dangerous.
That's not all, Jimmy.
Two words: booby traps.
A phrase that I have admittedly never fully understood.
Alec, this is crazy.
I have outfitted my home with an array of trapdoors, primed bear traps.
I even managed to procure an Iron Maiden.
What with kids there?
They know where they are and how to avoid them.
I dare say I almost want someone to try and violate this aggressive line of home defense.
Don't you think you're being a little paranoid, or maybe a lot?
Paranoid?
Look what happened to De Niro.
The uprising against celebrity is clearly at hand.
What we've always feared is coming to pass.
I refuse to be a victim, especially not at Christmas time.
Hey, do you have special Christmas plans?
We always do.
Ilahari will make her famous paella, a recipe passed down through the generations from her from her upwillitas, upwillitas, upwillitas.
Jesus.
Jesus.
I will make hot spiced cider.
And after attending midnight mass, we will all repair back to Fort Baldwin and clean our guns and take turns on watch duty.
At no point will all 16 Baldwins be caught asleep.
Sounds festive.
Safety is the new festivity, Jimmy.
At least for us celebrities.
What about you?
How are you preparing for the coming onslaught?
Well, I mean, I have a security system, but I don't have guns.
No guns?
Not even ones loaded with blanks.
Ha!
Well, suit yourself.
There's a special place in hell for men who let something bad happen to their family due to inaction and not being prepared.
All right, whatever you say.
Okay, actually, I have to go.
It appears my brother Billy Baldwin just let himself in with a key and now has his leg caught in a bear trap.
This appears to be a compound fracture.
I may have gone too far.
Happy holidays, Jimmy.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Hey, become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com.
Sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Oh, All the voices performed today are by the one and only the inimitable Mike McRae.
He can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
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