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May 6, 2022 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:08:08
20220506_TJDS_20220506_Podcast_-_5522_2.51_PM
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*Bell rings* Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
It's Jeffrey Toobin.
Oh, from CNN.
Hi, Jeffrey.
Right.
Legal analyst on CNN.
Since my reinstatement, that is.
Reinstatement after what?
being suspended for masturbating on a zoom call laughing laughing laughing laughing And Matt Lauer had to quit.
Imagine if Matt Lauer did something like that.
Okay, I just wanted to make that clear for everybody.
That's what you Google, why you were gone.
Right, of course.
Well, tonight I'm going to be talking about this Roe versus Wade situation on CNN, providing my expert legal analysis.
But I thought I'd call your show and sort of workshop it first.
That way your listeners can get a sneak peek into my expert legal analysis that will be seen later on.
Well, it sounds great, Jeffrey.
What's your take here?
Well, first of all, what sticks out to me, and I can't emphasize this enough, how absolutely unprecedented a leak like this is from the Supreme Court, presumably from an actual staff member.
Truly unheard of, almost unfathomable.
That's what you think the main issue here is?
The takeaway?
Oh, yes, absolutely.
No matter what you think of a book rights or Roe versus Wade or any issue, really, the court's ability to derive the arguments and write these briefs in confidence should be considered sacrosanct.
A leak like this or of this magnitude is truly obscene.
More obscene than forcing women with compromised pregnancies to face almost certain death for an ideology?
Oh, absolutely.
A Supreme Court justice should have the capability, especially guarded capability, to draft their opinions, even controversial opinions like rolling women's rights backs 50 years in privacy without public interference.
Judicial privacy is absolutely paramount for a functioning judicial system.
What is Alito's primary objection to Roe versus Wade?
It basically comes down to a rejection of the right of privacy.
Do you hear yourself?
Jimmy, quite frankly, I am all I hear.
So you're mad that Justice Delito didn't have the privacy to write about how people shouldn't have privacy.
It's not that people shouldn't have privacy, let's be reasonable.
It's that privacy, and to whatever extent we engage in privacy, is a personal choice.
The salient point legally here being that at the end of the day, the right to privacy is not explicitly guaranteed in the United States Constitution.
I thought it was contained in the Bill of Rights.
Well, some say it's implied, an implied right.
Famously stated, it is in the quote, penumbra of rights put forth in the Bill of Rights.
This was the basis of the decision for Griswold versus Connecticut, the Supreme Court case that Roe versus Wade was essentially based on.
So if Roe v.
Wade gets struck down, this Griswold case could too, then?
Oh, absolutely.
It's a good impression.
What was what was that case about again?
It essentially guaranteed the right to birth control.
Oh, so this could lead to birth control being made illegal?
No, no, no, no, no.
Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
If Griswold were overturned, hypothetically, by the Supreme Court, that would simply pave the way for states to regulate birth control or outlaw it altogether.
And down the road, pave the way for a federal ban on birth control.
And you think this should happen?
Well, it's not a matter of should per se, but if Roe gets struck down, it only makes legal sense that Griswold would get struck down, too.
Oh, okay.
And this all goes back to Robert Bork being nominated to the court, the Supreme Court in 1987 by Ronald Reagan, if you recall.
Congress ultimately rejected his nomination largely on the basis of his stance on the right to privacy, which he did not feel was protected by the Constitution.
Yes, I actually remember this.
And I suppose you could say that Congress has not been so vigilant in rejecting Supreme Court nominees on this basis subsequently.
So there are a lot of justices on the bench now with very new and exciting ideas about privacy.
So some real interesting legal ideas to play with going on.
Is this all this is to you?
Legal games and wordplay?
Not that people's lives and welfare are at stake, real-world consequences.
Look, Jimmy, as I stated earlier, I'm a lawyer and a legal analyst.
I am an analyst of the law, not whether something is good for society or morally repugnant or whatever.
That's a separate sphere.
For that, you would have to look for an analyst with a background in human goodness or whatever.
See, I wouldn't even know the terminology.
You are on some level human, though, aren't you?
I mean, if you can't see how Roe v.
Wade being overturned would affect the women in your life, can you at least maybe see how the judicial erosion of the right to privacy might affect your own?
Well, certainly it would affect everybody.
course I can but I can only hypothesize legal abstractions because that's my training That's fine.
So that's fine.
Go ahead.
Well, let's say, for example, that a man is on a Zoom call.
Okay, oh, brother.
And he, and this is a particularly salient point here in this hypothetical scenario, this man is unaware that he is not muted and that he can still.
And in this moment, he decides to attend some, he decides to attend to some personal business because one of the women on the call is a redhead and the good kind like Ann Margaret.
Now, The sexual harassment charges that would eventually be leveled against this man would be legally based on this woman's right to privacy.
Ha, ha, ha!
Ha, ha, ha!
Mr. Toobin, for the love of God.
Hold on, I'm getting another call.
Jeffrey, this is Jake Camper from the lead with Jake Camper, the show you're about to be on.
Oh, hey, Jake, I was just about to talk about.
Yeah, I know.
Do not fucking talk about this shit on my show.
You went on dwarf show.
That's fine, but not on mine.
Do you understand me?
But why?
I was just offering some abstract legal analysis.
If you come on my show and somehow make Roe versus Wade about you jacking off, I'm going to lose my shit.
You have got to stop alluding to that.
Well, I just feel it's a salient point.
It's not.
Okay, well, hear me out.
What if I replace masturbating with quote picking my nose?
I'm pretty sure people would know what I'm really talking about.
No!
Oh.
This job is really confining sometimes.
Okay, guys, can we work this out offline, pals?
I got to get to another segment.
Yes, please.
Let's work this out in private.
Actually, it turns out privacy is not a real thing.
Oh, my God.
To this Trevor Noah.
So they have the White House Correspondents Dinner.
And it's supposed to be.
I don't know what it's supposed to be.
It's they say it's always where all the politicians show up to honor the free press and thank them for speaking truths of power.
But not too much.
True.
But yeah, that's yeah, that's like Chris Christie showed up to give tribute to people who keep him away from the buffet.
That's not real.
That's not a real thing.
Well, the people who know the line of just enough, but not too much.
That's right.
Much like with comedy.
We want to be too funny.
So I have, you know, I used to.
And my old podcast, I used to break down the the White House Correspondents Dinner comedian.
And I was always I think that what was her name?
That Michelle Wolf was killed.
It's.
She did a great job.
I think she got a Netflix show out of that.
That's how good it was.
But so let's watch this.
And I'm going to critique now.
Trevor Noah.
It's my theory.
I don't have any.
I don't know.
I don't have anything to back this up except my gut is that Jon Stewart picked him because he didn't want anyone to do a better job than him.
I thought that, too.
Jimmy, that's what I know.
Trevor Noah is a fine.
He's his nuts and bolts of his comedy are fine.
He knows how to deliver a joke and stuff like that.
He's not a bad performer.
But but the problem I have with Trevor Noah is this is all milk toast garbage.
And then when he does talk about something, he's a lot of times on the wrong side of the issue, which kind of takes the comedy out of it.
Right.
And, you know, anyway, so let's just watch it.
And we'll critique.
Here we go.
It is my great honor to be speaking tonight at the nation's most distinguished super spreader events.
No, for real people, what are we doing here?
Let's be honest.
What are we doing?
Like, did none of you learn anything from the gridiron dinner?
Nothing.
Huh?
Like, do you read any of your own newspapers?
I mean, I expect this from Sean Hannity, but the rest of you, what are you doing here?
You guys spent the last two years telling everyone the importance of wearing masks and avoiding large indoor gatherings.
Then the second someone offers you a free dinner, you'll turn into Joe Rogan.
Huh?
So I don't understand what they're laughing at.
And I don't want I don't mean to be a jag off.
But these that what I first saw this, I was like, how are those jokes?
Those those seem like just honest observations about the hypocrisy of these pieces of shit that are in front of him.
But it sounds like he's not aware.
Yeah, it's it's just like.
So there's this covid narrative that you have split the country over and demonized and screamed about.
None of the people are following it, including this guy.
They're all getting together at a super spreader event without masks on.
And they're all laughing about it.
But I thought Governor DeSantis was a maniac.
And I thought anybody Joe Rogan and I said, what do you got?
What?
Yeah, the Joe Rogan part, I don't get because I thought he was in trouble for his horse.
Yeah.
Horse dewormer.
Horse apple dewormer and not.
And so here advocating spreading.
And so here they are out there at a super spreader event and they all laugh about it.
I mean, according to them, it's a super spreader event.
Not to me.
I understand.
I understand.
Better the science of covid than anybody in that fucking room.
I'm going to guarantee you.
Because they're all going to get it.
Half the country already got covid just this last winter.
Did you know that?
Half the country got covid, got the Omicron.
That's how and just like Dr. Robert Malone explained on this show last summer.
Last June or July, that what's going to happen is the virus will mutate.
It will become more contagious and less deadly.
That's exactly what has happened.
And so now it's super contagious, but less deadly.
Now it presents as a cold for most people.
Anyway, I just I don't mean to be a nitpicker about that, but that drove me nuts.
It's like, oh, so now you all you guys get to wag your finger for two straight years and now you all get to giggle.
OK, all right.
I mean, Dr. Fauci dropped out.
That should have been a pretty big sign.
Fauci thought it was too dangerous to come tonight.
Pete Davidson thinks it's OK.
And we all went with Pete.
OK.
I don't get it.
I don't I don't get.
Well, I guess Pete Davidson was there.
Is he he's there?
So it's just turning into this.
It, you know, politics is supposed to be Hollywood for ugly people.
That's what it's supposed to be.
And now they Kim Kardashian was there and Pete Davidson was there.
It's like, what the this just for stupid people.
Now it's for...
I like B. I'm not against B. uh it's hilarious the the darlings like how many darlings are left to invite to this not many uh So let's remember what the real purpose of the evening is.
It's to remind the government and media elite that we're all in this scam together.
That's what this is.
Because they are.
So let's get to more.
And so as we sit in this room tonight, people, I really hope you all remember what the real purpose of this evening is.
Yes, it's fun.
Yes, we dress nice.
Yes, the people eat, they drink, we have fun.
The reason we're here is to honor and celebrate the fourth estates.
Thank you.
No, that's not.
That's not.
That's why he gets the big bugs.
Because he could say that shit sincerely.
Oh, I skipped all the well, one's for the other key.
I did it wrong.
You know why Pete Davidson was invited to the White House correspondence dinner?
Because unlike Madison Cawthorne, he knows how to keep his mouth shut after an after-dinner Coke party.
Do you think Fauci skipped the dinner because he was afraid of COVID or because he didn't want to face the razor-sharp wit of Trevor Noah?
Probably it's just because even Fauci has the brains to know how it looks to be in a room full of wealthy COVID vectors maskless.
Okay, that's probably why.
Trevor, what are you doing there?
Does having a perfectly round head protect you from COVID?
It would be a great point if Trevor asked these people to read their own fucking newspapers about the dangers of COVID that they've been printing non-stop for the last two years.
It would be a better point, though, if he was making this over Zoom.
That's what I think.
He's there too.
So if Trevor, if Jensaki had three shots and she got COVID twice, she probably, right?
That's from the other clip that you sent me where you were going to show him talking to Jensaki.
Oh, the Jensaki clip.
I mean, because you read, yeah.
That's right.
I got a Jensaki clip coming up so people are getting excited.
Okay, so here we go.
Let's go back.
Why are we all here?
Why are you in this room tonight, people?
I really hope you all remember why we're not fine.
Yes, we dress nice.
Yes, the people eat, they drink, we have fun.
But the reason we're here is to honor and celebrate the Fourth Estates and what you stand for.
What you stand for.
An additional check and balance that holds power to account and gives voice to those who otherwise wouldn't have one.
And like.
Did you notice how there was this huge pause before they started applauding after he said that?
So he said, you guys stand for holding power to account and giving a voice to people who otherwise wouldn't have one.
There was a full second right there where the entire room was going, wait, what?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, good.
Okay.
That's what was happening.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, here we go.
I'm not just talking.
Actually, I think the reason they took that beat to applaud was because they were bracing for a joke about how none of them live up to any of what Trevor just said.
Then when they realized he was serious, they went, oh, is he like a slow kid or something?
That's nice.
I mean, half the room sincerely believes that it's their sacred duty to make sure large amounts of the population don't have a voice.
Half that room sincerely believes that.
And the other half of the room cynically believes that.
That's a really well-written joke.
About like CNN or Fox or any of the other major organizations.
If anybody in that room stood for anything remotely like giving voice to people who otherwise wouldn't have one, wouldn't their ratings be better?
Right?
They get Rogan ratings.
They would get Rogan ratings.
They'd be getting 11, 12, 13 million views per ethnic.
Here we go.
Talking about everyone, you know, the young journalists we saw today, oh, intrepid journalists who aren't even in this room in Flint, Michigan, or that daring reporter at the Des Moines Register or the unflinching local newscaster in El Paso, Texas.
Every single one of you, whether you like it or not, is a bastion of democracy.
What's he talking about?
What?
The people who are manufacturing consent for oligarchy are each and every one of them a bastion of democracy?
I mean, it's obvious this guy is not from America.
It's obvious.
But it's almost like he's not from this fucking decade or generation.
What kind of, but this is the craziest bullshit.
Okay, here we go.
And if you ever begin to doubt your responsibilities, if you ever begin to doubt how meaningful it is, look no further than what's happening in Ukraine.
Look at what's happening there.
Journalists are risking and even losing their lives to show the world what's really happening.
And that's just the ones captured by Ukraine.
Well, you know the punchline that's coming.
Of course, he's not, he's not even going to mention Julian Assange.
So he's talking about people doing propaganda in Ukraine.
I think that's what he's talking about.
Because he's certainly not talking about the people exposing the war crimes that are being committed by the people we're on the side of.
He's not talking about that.
I don't know what he's talking about, but he's certainly not talking about Julian Assange, the number one journalist, anti-war journalist of our generation who is now in prison, not because he lied, but because he did exactly what he just said.
He actually spoke truth to power.
He actually told the truth about the powerful.
And this guy is so such a cuck, kow-towed corporate entertainer that he's not even going to mention him.
What do you think he thinks about Julian Assange?
Like, what do you think he would say if he brought up Julian Assange?
He would say Julian Assange helped Trump and he worked with Russia and Julian Assange should be.
That's what a guy like that would say, which is exactly why Jon Stewart chose him, I think, because Jon Stewart did not want somebody to come in and do as good a job as he did.
And there's no way this guy can do it.
You know what, Adult?
Because I used to say it all the time in a much dirtier way.
And Attel, who's friends, David Tell told me, he's like, no, I think what it is, Jon Stewart's like a, he's like a rich liberal.
It was like his, you know, his like white guilt thing, but it wasn't.
He didn't get an American black guy.
They all like a foreign.
That's like the thing rich people love is somebody from another country who's like well-spoken and all this.
So that's what that is, is his like upper class.
Like, oh, this is really diverse.
It's just corporate safe is what it is.
So here we go.
You realize how amazing it is.
Like in America, you have the right to seek the truth and speak the truth, even if it makes people in power uncomfortable.
It's not true.
Even if it makes your viewers or your readers uncomfortable.
They're all sitting there going, boy, who are these people he's describing?
Because it certainly isn't us.
We all work for the richest guys in this country who are pulling a scam on everybody, and we're their mouthpieces because that's what they are.
Jeff Bezos, the richest guy in the world, owns that.
A handful of billionaires own our entire media in the United States.
So don't kid yourself into thinking anything he says is true.
That's the fairy book tale.
That's the propaganda they want you to think.
That's not real.
Believe me.
If you did what he said to do, say truth that make powerful people uncomfortable, you will first be deplatformed.
You'll first be smeared in the newspapers and the Daily Beast and the New York, all those places.
You'll be smeared as a conspiracy theorist.
Then what will happen is they'll deplatform you and then they'll take away all their ways of making money and then they'll throw you in jail if you remain somehow be able to do damage to them.
They'll do to you what they did to Julian Assange.
They tortured Chelsea Manning.
You know who tortured Chelsea Manning?
Barack Obama and Joe Biden tortured Chelsea Manning.
Okay?
That's not a hyperbole.
They did that.
And of course he'll never bring it up.
Why?
And that's why he got chosen.
Because this guy has been chosen to do this job since he was in kindergarten.
He's been groomed.
I'm talking about Trevor Noah.
And that's why they picked a guy like that.
Because he'll never say anything that actually challenges power.
He'll never say anything that challenges that audience, let alone the president.
The last person that said something that challenged that audience, they had a meltdown over it.
It was Michelle Wolf when she told them they're all hypocrites because they love Trump because they say they claim to hate him, but they couldn't stop talking about him non-stop because they were all making money off him.
Look at their faces, dude.
Like, even they can't believe the thing.
They can't believe the shit he's saying.
They're like, what is this?
They know Julian Assange is in prison right now.
They know Joe Biden's trying to kill him along with the security state and the entirety of the UK American government.
They know this.
I guess the only guy in the room who doesn't know it is Trevor Noah.
Go ahead.
He's a chump.
Look, they're like, wait, no, they're not supposed to make us uncomfortable.
They're like, right?
Wait, are we going to be made uncomfortable?
What is he talking about?
So here we go.
Understand how amazing that is?
Jeez.
I stood here tonight and I made fun of the president of the United States and I'm going to be fine.
Is that what you call it?
Yeah.
Okay.
That's right.
Trevor Noah was able to make tepid jokes at the president of the United States and he's going to be fine.
He's going to be fine mainly because Joe Biden thinks he's Barack Obama's son.
I think that's why he's going to be fine.
I mean, I've seen some bullshit in my life, but this is unbelievable.
He's like hard-hitting.
It's like, do you want to, what he's trying to do, Trevor Noah, is highlight to anybody who didn't notice that he didn't say anything that challenged power.
Nothing.
He didn't challenge power at all.
Did he even bother to try?
Did he even get a moan on anything he said?
No.
He did not upset.
So he's in a room full of the oligarchs and their mouthpieces who run everything and set the agenda for our culture.
And he's got a chance to confront them.
His whole fucking show is about showing what a bad job the media does.
That's what it's supposed.
That's what it used to be about.
He was showing what a horrible job the news media did and what liars politicians were and what a disservice they're doing.
And it was bipartisan.
That guy doesn't have a clue of what that fucking show is supposed to be about.
He doesn't have a clue of what Jon Stewart did.
And I think that's why they chose him.
Go ahead.
Well, I mean, Jon Stewart was also a comic before, like, he was like kind of like a hack from South Africa.
So it's being written for him by whoever the staff is.
I mean, even the stuff people like on Jon Stewart or Stephen Gobay, there's writers that make that.
But did you see when he said to Jen?
He had one bit to Jen Saki.
I don't know which writer from the Daily Show that was any good to meet it.
And he said, you're going to be at MSNBC, so your job's going to be, you know, a lot different.
It's like not just helping the Biden administration.
Actually, you'll be fine.
Like, he did a thing acknowledging.
And I was like, oh, that's solid.
I know Trevor didn't write it.
Here we go.
right?
Like, do you really understand what a blessing it is?
Maybe it's happened for so long that it might slip your mind.
It's a blessing.
In fact, ask yourself this question.
Honestly, ask yourself this question.
Ask yourself this question.
Did you think the comedian was going to give the audience and the president such a big hand job tonight?
Did anybody think that?
Do you feel that underneath your table?
That's me giving you a psychic hand job.
Come on.
Are you guys going to applaud for me?
Think about how great you guys are.
You guys are the greatest.
This country's the greatest.
Joe Biden is the greatest because he's not going to prosecute me.
You guys are the greatest.
We're all the greatest.
This is the greatest country in the world.
Come on, you guy.
Why don't you just get fucking Larry the cable guy?
Does South Africa not have free speech or something?
I don't know.
I don't know much about South Africa.
But he's probably a white supremacist because he comes from South Africa.
If Russian journalists who are losing their livelihoods, as you were talking about, Steve, and their freedom for daring to report on what their own government is doing, if they had the freedom to write any words, to show any stories, or to ask any questions, if they had basically what you have, would they be using it in the same way that you do?
Ask yourself that question every day because you have one of the most important roles in the world.
Thank you so much for having me.
Ah, boy, I wish I could get a hand job like that sometime.
That would be nice, especially in public while I'm wearing a suit.
There's nothing nicer than that.
So, Trevor, I guess he doesn't read the news.
He hosts a show called The Daily Show that makes fun of the news, but I guess he doesn't know that the Biden administration is continuing to seek extradition of WikiLeaks Assange.
And what for?
Not for lying, for telling the truth.
That's what Julian Assange is in prison for.
Not for lying, but for telling the truth about the war crimes that the United States government committed in Iraq.
That's why he's in prison.
And so the reason why Trevor would never have to worry about making fun of the president is because you're not exposing anything about the president.
You didn't even say demented once.
He didn't even say it one time.
If Trevor, if you were any kind of threat to power, you would not have been invited to that fucking dinner.
And like, that would be a funny joke if he said that.
He goes, let's be honest.
I'm not going to do anything that upsets anybody.
If I was, I wouldn't be Invited.
That would be a good joke.
At least it's honest.
Yeah, right.
Well, misinformation is when it's dishonest, and then disinformation is when it's honest but doesn't help the power structure.
That's disinformation.
Here's from The Independent.
It says the silence of the press on the Julian Assange hearings is a disgrace.
And they know, remember the last time they had one of these?
Randy Credico went and he was reporting for us in real time from the White House correspondence dinner.
And he got up and he was the only one who said anything about Julian Assange.
And you know what they did?
They cuffed him and threw him out.
Mike Birbiglia said, I've always respected...
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Berbiggs, what is comedian Mike Berbiglia?
He tweeted out, I've always respected Trevor Noah so much.
But this closing speech, this closing speech from the White House correspondence dinner is particularly spectacular because he took something that's meaningful, shaved off all the sharp edges, turned it into a fucking milquetoast bullshit presentation.
I think that's why he liked it so much.
He likes him because he's like a nice beeter of butter and jelly sandwich on white bread with the crust cut off.
That's exactly right.
Mike Berbiglia.
No, I don't have anything against Mike Berbiglia, but I do have some good jokes about him.
Mike Ribigley, or as I call him, if khaki pants were a person.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Come on, he's super successful.
It's okay to make fun.
He is the embodiment of khaki pants, what they're meant for, why they were invented.
If they gained sentience.
But he's right.
Mike Berbiglia is right.
If you ask any comedian who they respect so much, and they will say Trevor Noah.
I mean, sometimes I'll be in a green room with a bunch of other comics, just talk and shop, you know, and we'll start quoting our favorite Trevor Noah bits.
All of us.
The only comic we respect as much as Trevor Noah is probably Mike Berbiglia.
The close second.
Close second.
Okay, those are the jokes I have for Mike Berbiglia.
By the way, no, he doesn't respect Trevor Noah so much.
No, he fucking doesn't.
Shut up.
I don't think he does.
Thank you, liar.
I thought that was all show business.
It was very show-busy.
Yeah, he respects using Twitter to, I guess, get ahead and show business.
I don't know what that gets him to tell that lie, but.
I don't know.
Well, here's what Max Blumenthal said.
He's a real journalist, and he said, I played court jester, and the president didn't order my assassination.
Therefore, the government trying to destroy Julian Assange for publishing facts that embarrassed its opaque security state and corrupt political elite is a shining example of democracy.
Well, Julian Assange should have thought how blessed he was maybe before he did what he did.
Yeah.
What a blessing it was to have such a wonderful.
And so there's Trevor Noah giving a hard, high-hand job to every corrupt propagandist in that room.
And what we I want to remind you is that each one of those people are hand-selected by the establishment to be in that room.
Right?
So that's why people like me and Kurt will never be in a room like that or Julian Assange, right?
Because we color outside the lines.
And here's Noam Chomsky going to remind you of how this all works.
He was being interviewed, I think, by a Canadian.
And let's follow along.
A censoring organization.
So he's talking about how the establishment media manufactures consent and how each journalist inside of it is hand-picked and how the ownership of the media matters and how who funds the media by meaning advertisers, all that stuff.
And then he's talking about how each independent journalist self-censors or and here we go.
Tell me how that works.
You're not suggesting that proprietors phone one another up or that many journalists get their copies spiked, as we say.
It's actually Orwell, you may recall, has an essay called Literary Censorship in England, which was supposed to be the introduction to Animal Farm, except that it never appeared.
In which he points out, look, I'm writing about a totalitarian society, but in free democratic England, it's not all that different.
And then he says unpopular ideas can be silenced without any force.
He gives a two-sentence response, which is not very profound, but captures it.
He says, two reasons.
First, the press is owned by wealthy men who have every interest in not having certain things appear.
But second, the whole educational system from the beginning on through just gets you to understand that there are certain things you just don't say.
Well, spelling these things out, that's perfectly correct.
I mean, the first sentence is what we expand.
This is what I don't get.
It's just that, I mean, I'm a joke, people like me, are self-censoring.
No, not self-censoring.
There's a filtering system that starts in kindergarten and goes all the way through.
And it's not going to work 100%, but it's pretty effective.
It selects for obedience and subordination.
He's saying that we have a system that feeds people into these media organizations and it self-selects for obedience.
That's what he just said.
Let me back it up a little bit.
And subordination.
And subordination.
And especially, I think.
So stroppy people won't make it to influence behavior problems.
So that's people like me and Kurt.
That's why we're comedians, because we learn the things you're not supposed to say.
And unlike those people who go into journalism, we say them, right?
So we get off on saying the thing you're not supposed to say, which is why we're comedians, which is why when we put our eyes towards journalism, we do a better job than they do.
Well, I just have ADHD, so that was mostly my problem.
But like the apple polisher kind of, you get your trapper keepers in perfect order in school and you get the extra credit.
Like the people that they didn't learn stuff in school so much as they got good grades in school.
Like, you know, there's like people that are smart and they learn and they and then there's people that are like, oh, this is going to look great on my application.
Right.
That's what you just trained to be like that.
And you would never say anything that would interfere with your own personal advancement.
Like that would be crazy.
That's what a crazy person would do.
That's what a crazy.
That's why you're a comic.
If you read applications to a graduate school, you see that people will tell you he's not, he doesn't get along too well with his colleague.
You know how to interact with that.
I'm just interested in this because I was brought up, like a lot of people, probably post-Watergate film and so on, to believe that journalism was a crusading craft and that there were a lot of disputatious, stroppy, difficult people in journalism.
And I have to say, I think I know some of them.
Well, I know some of the best and best-known investigative reporters in the United States.
I won't mention names, but I'm like, whose attitude toward the media is much more cynical than mine.
In fact, they regard the media as a sham.
And they know, and they consciously talk about how they try to play it like a violin.
If they see a little opening, they'll try to squeeze something in.
So what he's telling this journalist from another country is that I know the best journalists in the United States, and they all think that the news media is a sham.
So people who are better than you, people who are more celebrated and more famous than you as journalists, think this is a big sham, and they're more cynical than me.
So what he's also saying to that guy is, you're a bit of a chump because people who are your superiors and your betters, and we all know they are, award-winning, they think this is much worse.
And you're defending the system that they think is a sham.
So that's what he's also telling that guy in that moment.
You see when the guy said, are you saying we self-censor?
Because the guy's like, I don't say he goes, no, I'm saying you don't have the capacity to even break out of the lines.
That's what he said.
By the way, Warden, I'll tell you what, what's amazing is that, you know, not saying anything wouldn't help you.
I got into comedy specifically, so I would never have to make a tweet saying how much I respect Trevor Noah's abilities.
I like him fine.
I talk to him, get along, fine.
I would never in a million years have to tweet about how amazing.
I mean, then just like sleep after that.
No wonder Mike sleepwalks.
Well, he wouldn't make it through.
And it's perfectly true that the majority, I'm sure you're speaking for the majority of journalists who are trained, have it driven into their heads that this is a crusading profession, adversarial, we stand up against power.
Very self-serving view.
On the other hand, in my opinion, I hate to make a value judgment, but the better journalists, and in fact, the ones who are often regarded as the best journalists, have quite a different picture.
And I think a very realistic one.
How can you know that I'm self-censoring?
How can you know?
I'm sure you believe everything you're saying.
But what I'm saying is, if you believe something different, you wouldn't be sitting where you're sitting.
Bam.
I'm saying if you weren't saying, if you didn't think what you thought and you weren't saying what you're saying, you wouldn't be sitting in that chair.
So that's good for everybody.
Now, maybe Mike will see this and he'll understand how shitty journalism is in America and why what Trevor Noah said was a fucking joke and an insult.
And it only plays to shitlibs who have no idea what's actually happening in the world or their country or in the news.
You see, you got to have a pair of khaki pants on your mind to make it in this country.
Is your mind in khaki pants?
And let me just show Julian Assange.
Here's Julian Assange talking about the meeting, how every war gets started by the media.
Here we are.
And finally, Julian, who do you consider to be your number one enemy?
Our number one enemy is ignorance.
And I believe that is the number one enemy of everyone is not understanding what is actually going on in the world.
It's only when you start to understand that you can make effective decisions and effective plans.
Now, the question is, who is promoting ignorance?
Of course, those organizations that try to keep things secret and those organizations which distort true information to make it false or misrepresentative.
In this latter category, it is bad media.
It really is my opinion that media in general are so bad that we would have to question whether the world wouldn't be better off without them altogether.
There's some very, very fine journalists, and we work with many of them and some fine media organizations, but the vast majority are awful.
Awful.
And are so distortive to how the world actually is that the result is we see wars and we see corrupt governments continue on.
One of the hopeful things that I've discovered is that nearly every war that has started in the past 50 years has been a result of media lies.
The media could have stopped it if they'd searched deep enough, if they hadn't reprinted government propaganda, they could have stopped it.
But what does that mean?
Well, that means basically populations don't like wars.
And populations have to be fooled into wars.
Populations don't willingly and with...
The war should be over.
There should be a settled peace negotiation.
We all know how this is going to end up.
And what the United States is doing is using the people in Ukraine as cannon fodder.
And so is NATO.
Denies going to a war.
So if we have a good media environment, then we will also have a peaceful environment.
So there you go.
So that's what the media is doing.
Media is starting wars, not stopping them.
And the media, of course, is the number one smearer of guys like telling you the truth.
They're not going to tell you the truth.
The media is so bad, so corrupt.
They do such a horrible job in misinforming people that we'd be better off without them.
That's what Julian Assange says.
And there's a lot to truth to that.
Yeah, this Ukraine won it as even, like, at least with the Iraq war, they at least were like, well, we were attacked on, I mean, it didn't connect, but they were like, we're attacked online.
I'm supposed to care about this, like, like Ukraine's the 51st state.
And they're worried about disinformation.
Are we fighting the war?
Why would it matter what the disinformation is here?
Right?
What possible, like, that's the thing that's crazy to me.
I was like, we need you to be on board for this thing that's not your own country.
It's another one, but you need to care deeply about it.
That should be suspect to everybody of why they want me to care about the people of Ukraine while they don't care about the people of Yemen.
That's another thing.
I forgot to bring that up.
Do you know that while Trevor Noah is saying that and talking about those journalists in Ukraine, why don't you talk about the journalists in Yemen?
Why don't you talk about the journalists in Libya?
Why don't you talk about the journalists in Syria where the United States is occupying a third of that country illegally right now?
Which third of that country do you think it is?
It's the part with the oil.
Why don't you talk about the journalists in Afghanistan?
We're killing more people now than when we were bombing the place.
So I just want to say to our friend Mike Berbiglia, that's the problem.
And your surface level understanding of politics is laughable.
That's actually a good joke.
One of his better ones that, fuck, that was good.
That was unbelievable bullshit.
That's why Trevor Noah was invited there because he's a milquetose ass licker of the fucking establishment.
That's why he got hired.
You know, Michelle Wolf, I thought, did a good job.
She did.
It wasn't like it was particularly edgy.
It wasn't like She told a small truth at the end of the thing about how they love Trump and all made money off him.
And they melted down all over that.
Yeah, Trump, who can't take a joke, that's the big thing about him.
All these, every fact, Hollywood, D.C., somebody says a minor truth to them and it's like, oh, like.
Trump can't take a joke.
Yeah, Trump's a regular Will Smith, the guy who just gave the guy who just gave the Academy Award to in a standing ovation.
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So we're going to talk about Dave Chappelle first, right?
And so I told you my mom just called me now and said to be careful on stage.
I just heard Kurt's mom call him and say, be careful on stage.
I just heard that.
People don't like you.
First of all, Kurt, how tall are you?
6'3?
Just under 6'4, yeah.
So Kurt's 6'4.
Maybe he doesn't look big on the computer or on the TV.
Well, drunks are drunks.
I don't know what that is.
I mean, that's probably.
No, this was so here it is.
Sighted.
So here's Dave Chappelle, and he's getting, that's the action shot.
There's the guy tackling him.
He's on stage at the Hollywood Bowl for Netflix is a joke.
I would say the security at Netflix is a joke, is a joke.
It's better than the Oscars.
I'll give him that.
Yeah, yeah, that was better than the Oscars.
Well, it was because it wasn't a celebrity attacking him.
If that was Will Smith, I bet everybody would just stood around and laughed.
And then giving him a shot.
That would be funny if Will Smith just got Dave Chappelle too out of nowhere.
Just out of nowhere.
Will Smith is what after Dave Chappelle?
That would be funny.
So there it is.
So that happened.
That was last night.
There he is.
He got tackled and he got knocked over pretty good, too.
And he's wearing a suit.
That's a bad, it was a badass suit.
So here, there it is.
There it is.
You see it?
Watch.
Yeah.
Shut up.
There's a guy.
The guy's doing a comedy show.
There it is.
That's a pretty good hit.
He got a pretty good hit up.
Now, Dave Chappelle has been working out.
When I met him, I met Dave Chappelle when he was like 19 years old.
I worked with him in Chicago and we took him around Chicago for a weekend or whatever.
And he had the skin.
He was like Jimmy J.J. Walker skinny.
I don't know if you know who that is.
Yeah.
He was skinny like, I don't know.
I'm thinking trying to like the skinniest person you ever saw.
He had skinny.
When I wrote for him, he was like skinny still when Chappelle show was out.
Super skinny.
But he has bulked up now.
I mean, have you seen him?
He's huge.
Yeah.
He's I would never try to tackle him.
Yeah, I wouldn't try to tackle him now.
He's huge, right?
So here it is.
A long shot.
Here's a long shot.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, that's from Sky News.
So let's watch.
Let's see what this sounds like.
Where did he come from?
Can you mistake the audience?
for the audience Somebody came from Nardis?
Yeah.
Yeah!
Thank God.
That nigga was clumsy.
This can't be real.
Here he is.
So here, Dave Chappelle comes back out and he says, and Chris Rock is there.
Watch this.
Was that Will Smith?
That's it.
Was that Will Smith?
That's what I wanted to get.
He eventually says, I think it was a trans man.
So he says that as a joke, and everybody laughed.
Right.
Okay.
So now here's the guy that did it.
They kind of beat the crap out of him.
You want to see it?
I don't know if you see his arm.
I can't.
It's like it looks like a broken arm.
It looks like it's bent the wrong way.
Oh, my God.
He's got his arm and twisted it and made it bend the wrong way.
And his face is also beaten up.
You can't see it in this picture.
But he has a closed eye.
And so I think they set an example for what is going to happen to you if you attack a comedian on stage and you're not Will Smith.
So if you're Will Smith, everybody's going to keep their shit together for a few seconds.
But if you're anyone else, that's what's going to happen to you.
You better pray to God your name's Will Smith.
The Will Smith, not just another one of the many Will Smiths.
That's right.
So that's a pretty bent arm.
So let's watch it again.
That's a bent arm.
So the Los Angeles Police Department told NBC that the male suspect had been armed with a...
Look it up.
I'll look it up right now.
The male suspect had been armed with a replica gun that could eject a knife blade when discharged correctly.
What?
It was unclear if the suspect made an attempt to use the weapon.
The news I heard was he had a replica gun with a knife attached to it, which I assume meant like a bayonet on your gun.
But it's a fake gun that shoots knives.
I guess you press a button and the knife comes out.
Do you want the name of this suspect?
Yeah, what's the guy's name?
According to ABC 7, Isaiah Lee, 23, was taken into custody Tuesday night after tackling Chappelle during the performance.
That's what I have so far.
Anything else about this?
I'm looking at that too.
Replica handgun knife was armed with a replica handgun knife.
Photos of the replica whose knife blade extends outward from the underneath the gun's barrel.
A switch knife?
A switch gun?
Yeah, it looks like that.
A man charged and tackled Chappelle just as the show was ending, according to Brianna Sachs, a reporter at the show.
She said security rushed and started punching and kicking the shit out of Chappelle's attacker.
He waited till the end of the show.
I guess that's Polite of it.
That was polite.
He waited till the end.
People got their money's worth.
Another journalist at the show said they had lunged at Chappelle and sent him flying in the air.
He fell backwards on his back with his arms and legs up in the air.
He was obviously in shock.
We were all in shock.
So, here, after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, here's the kind of stuff that was all over Twitter.
This tweet is still up.
So, it's by somebody called JD occasionally.
This is they, them.
It's a trans woman.
Dave Chappelle, you're next.
Why is that okay?
Because you're why is it okay for trans people to advocate for violence against anybody?
Dave Chappelle never advocated for violence against trans women.
Well, he's by making a joke.
He directly, the argument is him just saying anything about it that isn't exactly what some maniac on Twitter wants to hear exactly is the same as killing.
But this is like just fine.
Because I don't know if you know, there's a bunch of people who think it's not violence if it's like for a good cause.
Like, literally, they think it's not violence.
So, once you redefine everything, then that's how you can have this kind of hypocrisy.
Can I, Kurt?
Do you see this?
56,000 likes.
That's that wasn't just a rando.
I mean, this might be a rando person, but what I'm saying is 56,000 likes.
So, that's speaking for a large swath of some kind of population.
I'll bet you it's not mostly trans people.
I'll bet you it's mostly like allies.
I don't think there's, I don't think there's 56,000 trans people following this person on Twitter.
So, no, I don't think that's mostly trans people either.
Yeah.
But isn't that?
I think that's, I think that's a double standard.
I think that's a crazy double standard.
That tweet's still up.
As a male, you would think that when I came as a male, as I came when I came to the show, this tweet was still up.
There's another one.
Look, I'm sorry, but I would love to see more comedians who say shit like this get slapped.
Might teach them humility and manners.
Boy, that guy really has a lot of respect for the movie G.I. Jane, huh?
That's at right, that's at Simi Transy.
Simi demands rights, they them.
So that's another trans person who is calling for violence.
What does he care about Chris Rock?
Like, do they just want to get Chappelle so much that the Chris Rock thing has nothing to do with anything trans?
No, they all these people jumped on it, like, yeah, get now get Chappelle.
Like, well, it seems like they're they just like they're violent.
It seems like there's a there's a swath of the vocal trans community.
It seems like the most vocal ones.
I mean, I don't know, I don't know many trans people except the ones who are vocal.
So, I don't know, you know, I'm not in a position, and none of them were like this.
Yeah, that's what I've heard.
I mean, I've heard you talk about that you know quite a few trans people in New York, dude.
If you're going to be in New York up all night around town, you're going to bump, you're going to have a lot of interaction with trans people.
Like, I can't, I've never met someone who acted like that ever in real life.
On Twitter, you would get the impression it's like really common, you know?
So, I don't know, like, Twitter sucks, it really does.
Like, so it's just crazy that, I mean, and again, I think I would be considered an ally for the LGBTQIA community, not the A's, the LGBTQIs.
I stop at the A's.
It's asexual.
Oh, pick a team.
That's the one no one wants to do.
I know.
That's the one.
That's the one I make jokes about.
But I can advocate for their 100% civil rights and no discrimination in any way in employment, in housing, in anything.
So, that used to be called an ally.
So, I don't know what they'll call me now, but that's what I think.
You know, partly this is keyboard.
Like, you know, why I probably never met anyone in person like this because that was people who you meet in person.
And a lot of these is like two online people, you know, who are always like road rage maniacs when it suits them, you know?
Yeah.
Here's another one.
Says, I personally would like to see more comedians get slapped up.
I'm talking about Dave Chappelle, by the way.
Boy, and I, but I love the good punctuation.
I personally calm, I, personally, comma.
It's nice how they did that, right?
Yeah, you know, I can see a big resurgence of the three stooges right about now for a whole new audience.
The correct answer is someone should slap the shit out of Dave Chappelle, too, said Blake the Lich.
Yeah, so that's just here projecting on Chris Rock their Dave Chappelle anger.
Since we're slapping comedians, let's do Dave Chappelle next.
Diedrich Mandel.
No, none of these people got their tweets taken down or got kicked off Twitter for advocating violence.
And it's targeted.
It's targeted violence.
It's the most targeted, the most targeted violence you could ever have.
Surgical precision.
Tony Baker, comedian Tony Baker, said some dude tackled Dave Chappelle on stage and that dude got stomped out forthwith.
They took his arm off and put it back on backwards.
That's what he get.
This attacking people on stage ain't going to fly.
Unless you're Will Smith.
That was a great point.
You better be very famous and liked by, make a lot of money for a lot of people.
For a lot of people.
That's right.
That ain't no 23-year-old kid, I'll tell you that.
So I think that's it for this.
But there you go.
So that's what, and I predicted this.
Not that it takes the Nostradamus to predict this, but I did tweet out immediately after Will Smith did that that this makes every performance, every live performer less safe.
What he just did was he didn't protect women.
He wasn't protecting anybody.
He was making everybody less safe, including women who are performers, live performers.
Now, Will Smith doesn't perform live anymore, so he doesn't give a shit.
He always has protected on a movie set.
Now, if he was still doing stand-up comedy, I bet he would think differently about smacking a performer and setting that kind of an example.
What's that?
Will Smith did stand-up?
I mean, didn't he?
I mean, he did rap.
He was a rapper.
He didn't do stand-up.
He's a rapper.
Well, you could tell they're sending a message because they broke his slapping arm.
Oh, yeah.
So, okay, so that's that.
So it happened.
So, oh, I even, when I tweeted that out, that this makes everybody less safe.
So now the next time a comedian has to deal with a female heckler at a show, that female heckler's husband or boyfriend is going to feel emboldened to go do something about it to that comedian.
That's what I said.
And I remember a good friend of the show, D.C. Bureau chief of the intercept, Ryan Grimm, retweeted that, said he's right.
So, you know, I was right if that guy tweeted and said I was right because he hates me.
I remember you saying it, And I was like, you know, like I've been attacked on stage before.
I was like, yeah, I mean, but I just didn't expect that quickly we would hear it come true.
Like, that kind of really shocks me.
Yeah, it's almost like the next time Dave Chappelle did a concert, he got attacked.
And that had to be, I mean, that kid had to pay a pretty penny to get those.
See, he was up front.
I'm not, I don't think they, you can't, at the Hollywood Bowl, you just can't come from the stands and make it onto the stage without someone stopping you, right?
That's why he waited to the end of the show.
He probably paid a lot for those tickets and he wanted to see the show.
He probably wanted to see the show.
Why would you wait till the end if you want to stop his.
I know.
If you really wanted to hurt somebody, you do it right at the beginning.
No, he wanted to see the show.
Cost him 75 bucks, I bet.
What if it turns out this has nothing to do with anything trans and he was like trying to impress Jody Foster or something like that?
You know, wouldn't that be if he was trying?
He was trying to impress Caitlyn Jenner.
He was trying to impress Caitlyn Jenner.
you I'll see you next time.
Thank you.
All right, so there it happened.
We predicted it would happen, and it seems like as soon as he started performing, it happened.
And I hope all those people are proud of themselves that they were wishing violence on Dave Chappelle, and it happened.
I think they are, and they said it openly on Twitter with no repercussions.
Yeah, you're right.
You can threaten it inside it at the end, gloat about it if you're on the right algorithm with them.
Okay.
So I don't, I've been attacked on stage three times.
One was someone throwing a glass at me.
I think that counts.
I think that counts.
So anyway, there you go.
It's, you know, often I'll be not often, but every once in a while I'll be on stage and I'll have a thought like, wow, somebody could do something.
Like, I'm very vulnerable.
And plus, there's lights in your eyes when you're, if the, if the comedy club is lit correctly, there'll be light in the performer's eyes.
Now, a lot of the clubs I play, they like the audience and they don't like the comedian.
I know that sounds funny, but that's how it works.
They like to light the audience.
I don't know what it is about comedy clubs, but they like to light the audience.
Have you, have you noticed that, Kurt?
You play comedy clubs, they like the audience.
You need to be able to see them enough.
But you like it.
You're one of those guys who I'm waiting for an attack from all Z. So I like to check my, but I don't want it where they're like crazy.
If I can't see them, I feel like I'm cut off.
In fact, that's when it'll go bad when I can't see.
Like if something goes wrong, if I can see people, I just have more like power over what's going on, I feel like.
But that's a, I'll be on extra guard now.
That's really something, man.
Yeah.
I'm talking about the audience is better lit than the comedian.
That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, that's not good.
I don't like that.
Yeah.
That's experienced that many times, and I'm sure I'm going to experience it many more times.
There's two things comedy clubs have to get right: the sound and the light, and they find a way to mess them up 90% of the time.
Only 10% of the clubs I go to have the sound and light correct.
Well, also, it's a crapshoot on security.
Like, I just go in assuming that I'm going to have to also bounce the show.
That's right.
Like, I just kind of accept that.
But sometimes players are great.
I had a club manager say to me one time: I was like, hey, what?
Do you have any bouncers?
I just got to deal with this shit.
And he goes, you got a microphone.
Can you handle it?
I have a microphone.
Yeah, I have a microphone because I have to do a show.
Not that I have to bounce the fucking room.
Yeah, I won't, like, some places will be really like, get someone out.
I'm like, I won't even want them to take someone out.
See, somebody like heckling me is like fine to me because you're engaging me.
So I can work with that real easy.
The thing that'll mess your show up is, you know, a physical attack or where someone's being a huge, like, it's just the toughest thing to do when somebody's a huge distraction.
For me, it's worse if they're not talking to me.
Right, exactly.
The only time I ever walked a room was when there was a table of people and they wouldn't stop talking to each other.
And they were, and they were like two tables back from the stage.
And I said, hey, you guys got to shut up.
It's distracting.
And they go, oh, we're not bothering you.
And I go, I go, what the fuck?
You guys are having full-blown conversations two feet from the stage.
There's people here to see a show.
You're not funny.
And there was, again, there was, they probably had 10 bouncers at this place.
There was a, it was, it was called Joey's in Livonia.
And on the bottom floor was a nightclub.
And on the show.
And on the upper floor was the comedy club.
There was not one bouncer in the fucking comedy club.
They're all downstairs trying to get laid.
And so here we are.
We got a fucking 200 people packed.
I'm a special event, and there's not one bouncer in the room.
And so I was just, I just decided, well, if they don't give a fuck, why should I give a fuck?
And so I just started insulting that table until they left.
And they were not going to leave.
They were hunkered.
So the rest of the crowd left.
They wanted to see the show.
And I was like, I'm not doing a show until these people leave.
And they wouldn't leave.
And they didn't get a bouncer.
And so that's what happens when you run a.
So that's how comedy clubs are run in general.
Well, so there's 10% of comedy clubs that are run really well.
Most of the comedy clubs are not.
And that's the problem with comedy clubs.
That's why people, when they can play theaters, they immediately play theaters.
And the good clubs, you know what they are, right?
We just played a couple of them.
But anyway, there it is.
That's Dave Chappelle.
*Bell rings*
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, this is Vince Vaughan.
Vince, how are you?
Jimmy, I gotta get sticked.
What?
Because of Roe versus Wade.
Let me tell you, baby, these ladies are stained ad men.
They're so mad.
They're not going to pour it out unless the dude is completely zip-tied down there like a recently apprehended terror suspect.
This is your first thought in response to Roe v.
Wade probably getting overturned to make this about your own love life?
Yeah, what the hell else would I do?
This is about me, Vince, the varsectomy.
Come on.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
This is a nightmare.
Who could have ever imagined this might happen?
Lots of people, Vince.
How could the Democrats let us down like this?
That's a good one, Vince.
Do you guys really think, wait a minute, I thought you were a libertarian?
I am.
I had the flag on my car and everything.
There's a flag?
Yeah, I designed it myself.
It's the don't tread on me, snake wearing sunglasses saying deal with it, bitch.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable Mike McRae who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out, don't freak out.
I'm not in it.
Don't don't you can don't don't freak out.
Do not freak.
Don't freak out.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't freak out.
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