All Episodes
Previous Next
March 11, 2022 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:39
20220311_TJDS_20220311_Podcast_-_31022_12.10_PM
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Hey, we've got more dates for our 2022 stand-up tour.
We're going everywhere.
We're going to Dallas, Houston, Florida.
We're going to Omaha, Des Moines, Pittsburgh, Columbus, Ohio, and Los Angeles.
Go to jimmydorecomedy.com for a link for all the tickets for all our shows.
*phone rings* Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jim Jam.
This is none other than George Clooney.
Hey, hi, George.
Always a pleasure when you call in, pal.
I should certainly hope so.
How are you, my friend?
I'm doing well, all things considered.
Have you seen it yet?
Seen what?
Come on, don't be coy.
I swear to God, I'm not being coy, George.
The new Cape Crusader film.
Batman?
The Batman is what it's called now, actually.
I thought it was just Batman.
Well, that was back in the day.
Now it's the Batman.
I can't really say as I approve, full disclosure.
I myself was Batman.
Yeah.
The Batman for a brief shining period in the 90s.
That's right.
1997's Batman and Robin.
Yours truly was the Dark Knight himself.
I remember it well.
Okay.
I don't really remember it well.
I'm not really that into that kind of stuff, George.
I can't say I blame you.
I did it on a lark, basically, but I've always sort of felt a little proprietary about that IP, if I'm being honest.
Especially since I was the last guy to play Batman for eight years until Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan.
And then it all changed.
What do you mean?
How so?
Well, it just got so dark.
Batman used to be fun.
Yeah.
It's fun, you know?
Yeah, I'm with you.
He's a comic book character, for Christ's sakes.
The movie was just that I was in, which just can't be fun.
Our suits had nipples for crying out loud.
How fun is that?
Just have some fun.
show some nips.
Right, right.
And these new ones they're making.
Holy shit.
They're so dark and brooding.
No fun at all.
No nips anyway.
The bat suit isn't fun.
He's lonely all the time.
Where's Robin?
I had a Robin and a Batgirl.
Yeah.
Give Batman some buddies.
You know, slam a few back with.
I suppose.
And all the villains are fucking psychos now.
It's a comic book, for Christ's sake.
Bad guys are supposed to be fun.
They don't have to die.
Our bad guy was Mr. Freeze, played by Arnie Schwartz himself.
And at the end, he wasn't killed.
He was redeemed.
He just wanted to cure his wife of a disease.
The movie was shit, but I really like that aspect of it.
Did you have fun making it?
Oh, we had a time of our lives.
Are you kidding?
And I think you can tell when you watch it.
You can really tell if the cast of a movie had fun while they were making it.
These new Batmans, they just drip with humorless method acting.
Let me tell you, no one has fun on a set when dudes are walking around method acting.
Relax, Larry.
It's Hollywood.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ah.
Yeah.
Did you play any of your famous pranks on the set of Batman and Robin?
Oh, boy, did I. Chris O'Donnell, he played Robin.
And one day I put super glue on the inside of his Robin suit.
So when filming was done, he couldn't get it off.
The whole crew was trying to help him, and the poor kid couldn't hold it anymore.
He just took a giant crap.
And the old crew was like, you're on your own.
He was not happy.
I would imagine not.
Oh, and another one.
This one was good.
So Schwarzenegger was playing Mr. Freeze, right?
And he had to get all that make.
He had to spend five hours a day in makeup, you know, so you'd get the makeup on and all this other crap they were like putting on him.
And he had to be in this like restraining armature, you know, to get it on.
So, you know, he couldn't move the whole time.
So I would wait till they were just almost done.
And I would go in there and I said, hey, Arnold.
He said, what?
I said, guess what?
He said, what?
I said, I just fucked your wife, Maria.
And he's, of course, he's like, I know he's trying to get out of this goddamn thing.
So I start running, you know, across the lot, you know, and finally he, you know, rips himself out.
You know, he's chasing me around.
He's got all this shit on him.
By the time he finally catches up with me, I got Marie on the phone.
And she says, Arnie, it's just a prank.
It's just George Clooney doing a prank.
And he's like, ah, you got me.
So he goes back.
You know, I said, they got to start all over again, you know, because he's ruined the whole thing.
So, you know, they get him back in the thing.
You know, they do it.
And I wait till another five hours.
And, you know, it's almost done.
And I go and I say, hey, Arnold, guess what?
You know, I had Marie on the phone.
We were talking about the prank.
We really hit it off.
And guess what?
I actually did go over there and fuck your wife.
And then he goes crazy again.
He tries to rip out of the thing.
I'm telling you what, I did this like eight or nine times.
And I delayed production by three weeks at some point doing all this stuff.
And man, Joel Schumacher was going bananas.
Do you ever think that these pranks might cross the line, George?
Only actually when I do fuck their wives.
All right, fun chat, Jim.
I gotta go, though.
Don Cheadle is about to get some very bad news.
Clooney prank style.
Ah!
Speed and jumps the medium and hits him head on.
It's the chimney tour show.
I just want to remind everybody, if you're getting your news from corporate news about Ukraine, you're being lied to 100%.
Not a little 100%.
Okay, and don't be a chump.
They lied to you about Iraq.
They lied to you about Libya.
They lied to you about Afghanistan for 20 years.
They lied to you about Syria.
They're lying to you about Yemen and Somalia.
I'm sure they're telling the truth about Ukraine.
I'm sure they are.
And as Caitlin Johnstone reminds us, it's 2022, and people still believe the United States is pouring weapons into a foreign country to protect freedom and democracy.
That's like being 57 and still believing in the tooth fairy.
So again, this is all about imperialism and capital.
And this segment is about how there really are Nazis in the government in the Ukraine.
We've done another video.
Go watch it if you need to, but I'm going to show you some of the whitewashing that's been happening.
And here's Black and the Empire.
I follow him on Twitter.
He says, we've got eight years of evidence, including newspaper articles, media segments, photographs, and the Nazis themselves bragging about what they've done in Ukraine on video.
The rebuttal, Zelensky's Jewish.
This is what some of us have to deal.
That's their rebuttal.
You can show them all this evidence.
Zelensky is Jewish.
Zelensky is Jewish means no neo-Nazis is exactly the same way Obama is black, means there's no racist in America.
Very well said by Gritty is the way.
So I just want to let you know there are Nazis there.
Again, I have a whole other video about this.
You should go watch that.
Or you can just watch this because here's some more info.
Uh...
Thank you.
Nazi collaborator greeting becomes official Ukraine army salute.
What?
What?
So this is from, what is the date on this?
This is from 2018.
And it says, Nazi collaborator greeting becomes official Ukraine army salute.
Glory to Ukraine, glory to the heroes.
These words and this greeting will become armed forces of Ukraine's official military greeting.
So why is that so bad?
Well, because, well, where does that come from?
It comes from the occupying Nazis that occupied and went and killed Jews in 1941, and I'm pretty sure it was in Odessa.
And then they came back and they did another one.
So the NED published a video of its own CEO, Damon Wilson, at a rally outside the White House, declaring glory to Ukraine.
That's the salute used by Nazi collaborator Stefan Bandera's OUN, which carried out mass murder of Jews and Poles during World War II.
So that's where that comes from.
Okay.
PBS interviewed a mayor of one of these towns, and he had a framed image of Stefan Bandero behind him, and they blurted out not enough for people to realize it was him, though.
So basically, PBS clearly knew it was a Nazi, it framed image.
And here they are doing an interview with the mayor about how great things are.
I saw that picture.
I saw a picture of that interview where they had blurred out this guy's name, this guy's picture.
What is it?
Stefan Bandera's, who was the leader of the Nazis, who went and killed all these Jews and Poles in a horrible massacre.
And their motto was glory to Ukraine.
And so now that the Nazi, the literal neo-Nazis helped the United States overthrow the Ukraine government in 2014 called the Maidan coup.
They literally did that.
Now we're in bed with Nazis in the Ukraine.
And then the Nazis went on to keep shelling the people in eastern Ukraine who didn't want to go along with the coup.
So people don't, this is the part of the story that never gets told on corporate news.
In 2014, the United States hooked up with Nazis in Ukraine to overthrow their democratically elected government.
Why?
Because he didn't want to get in bed with the European Union economically.
The leader of the country wanted to get in bed with Russia economically, and they couldn't have that.
So, of course, we flooded the country with arms.
We armed the neo-Nazis, funded them, and they overthrew.
That's not a secret that we did that.
We admit to it.
And guess what?
The European Union didn't even want us to do that.
But the Assistant Secretary of State, Victoria Newland, was caught on a phone recording saying, screw.
She said, F the European Union.
We're doing this.
We're overthrowing Ukraine and we're installing our puppets.
And so this is the part of the story they never tell you on the news.
And so after that, the people in the eastern part, they were their first, their native tongue is Russian.
They are ethnic Russians.
They didn't want to go along with this coup from the Nazis.
And so they would, they, so guess what?
The Ukraine government kept shelling them and killed 14,000 of them, even though there was a peace agreement in 2015 called the Minx Peace Agreement, and they never followed it.
And so that's why Putin finally stepped in to stop them from shell.
One of the big reasons was to stop them from shelling the Russians in eastern Ukraine.
The Nazis have to keep in mind that during World War II, Russia lost 27 million people fighting the Nazis.
Fighting the Nazis.
27 million.
So they're not really fans of the Nazis.
And so here's the guy.
Now, the NED, let me tell you what the NED is.
The NED is the National Endowment for Democracy.
Now, what they do is what the CIA used to do behind closed doors.
Now the NED just does it out.
They say we're advocating for democracy.
What they're doing is they're funding what they call NGOs, which are non-government organizations.
What they really do, so they fund them to help overthrow governments.
So then we can bring in more of a neoliberal government, which has less regulations, doesn't give subsidies to people.
It's neoliberalism.
It's less socialism and it's hypercapitalism that screws people.
And so that's what this is.
That's what the NED is out there doing.
And the CIA used to do that clandestinely.
Now they do it right out in the open.
And so he's going to give a speech.
head of the NED is going to give a speech like for instance the NED they And today, the fight for freedom is in Ukraine.
Vladimir Putin's attack on Ukraine is a sucker.
So we're in Ukraine because we care about freedom.
That's what this is about.
Freedom.
Not about a pipeline, not about imperialism, not about economics at all.
Not about NATO expansion and the military-industrial complex.
No, this is about how much we care about freedom about people in Ukraine.
And if you think that anybody in the United States government cares about the people in Ukraine's freedom or the people in Ukraine, you are a sucker of all suckers.
Okay.
Yeah, the U.S. wants to continue this.
The U.S. wants to continue this.
They don't care how many Ukrainians die.
They think this is a good propaganda win.
They think it's, you know, the sanctions are hurting Russia.
So they want you to care about Ukrainians while they try and continue this conflict, causing more Ukrainians to die.
It was predicted that the United States would set Ukraine up to get slaughtered, and that is what the United States has done.
And we're abandoning them.
Oh, we're doing sanctions.
We're not helping these people.
We're not going to go in militarily to World War III.
Yeah, and apparently the latest poll is 74% of Americans think NATO should put a no-fly zone over Ukraine.
They don't seem to understand a no-fly zone is essentially nuclear war.
Yeah, because if you create a no-fly zone, that means you have to shoot down Russian jets.
You shoot down Russian jets, you end up in World War III, nuclear war.
So it's insane, utterly insane.
And yet, most Americans are so ill-informed from our mainstream garbage propaganda outlets that they think it's a good idea.
And so he goes on.
And democracy, and it's a challenge to free nations around the world.
This invasion comes on the heels of unchecked aggression from Vladimir Putin.
I thought he was going to say this invasion comes on the heels of our invasion of Syria, where we're occupying their oil fields in a third of their country.
I thought that's what he was going to say.
I thought this invasion comes on the heels of our exit from our invasion of Afghanistan next door for 20 years.
And now we're starving those people.
I thought that's what he was going to say.
That's not what he said.
Here we go.
In 2007, a cyber attack on Estonia.
In 2008, a cyber attack.
A cyber attack.
A cyber attack.
In 2007, a cyber attack on Estonia.
You know, we were doing it in 2007, bobbing the shit out of the world.
We were setting the Middle East on fire in 2007.
Okay.
Invasion of Georgia.
In 2014, in Crimea and Donbass, we have seen Russia fueling an authoritarian resurgence around the world from Africa to Latin America.
And we have that would be the United States is doing that.
That's who's doing that.
The United States.
Russia is not doing that.
That's not happening.
He's making this up.
The people who are doing that, literally, is the United States.
Okay.
Seen a full-scale assault on the Russian people.
This past year alone, more Russians were driven into exile as they cracked down at home.
And today, Ukraine is the epicenter of.
Could I just say, this is somebody who says, oh, he's cracking down at home and people are fleeing.
You know what the world's largest penal colony is?
The United States of America fucking freedom.
We're the world's largest penalty.
We lock up more people than China.
But somehow Putin is.
Do you see how propaganda works?
And you see why these guys are paid fucking psychopathic, bloodthirsty killers?
That's what they are.
They're psychopaths.
And that's why they get in charge of these kind of organizations.
And that's not hyperbole.
Fight for freedom and this world.
Ukrainians' courage, their determination, has been an inspiration to rally all of us around their cause.
What about the people of Yemen?
Have they been an inspiration to rally around their cause?
How about the people in Somalia?
Have they been an inspiration to rally?
How about the people of Afghanistan?
How about the people of Syria, which you're occupying right now?
Have they been an inspiration?
How about the people of Syria that you're allowing Israel to bomb right now?
What is go ahead?
How many Americans have you seen change their Instagram thumbnail to the Afghanistan flag colors?
Right?
As we're occupying Syria.
Yeah, Syrian flag or any of those.
Their cause is our cause.
And Ukrainians will be.
Your cause, again, is imperialism and neoliberalism.
That's your cause.
Okay.
They will have inspired those that believe in freedom for generations to come, securing Ukraine's place in history.
But we are not focused on history today.
We are focused on what is happening today.
And the fight of Ukrainians, their success is crucial to democracy's future.
Their success is impossible.
It's impossible.
Their success is in Pogs 100% impossible.
So they are laying guys like this and Joe Biden and Victoria Newland's back.
They are laying Ukrainians out to be slaughtered.
And that's what they're doing.
They're going to get crushed.
They're getting crushed.
And guys like this don't give a shit about that because they can use that now as propaganda.
Okay.
To defeating Putinism.
So it is time that we rally, that the free world rallies on behalf of Ukraine and their heroic struggle to put together the largest solidarity package that the world has seen since the Marshall Plan to back their struggle.
And that we rally to stop Putin's aggression with the resolve, the generational movement that were required to defeat his tyranny.
That's not happening.
None of that's happening.
And everyone knows that's not happening, except people in America who watch corporate news.
Everybody else knows that's not happening.
That the Ukrainian people are not going to stand together and have victory.
There's not going to be a victory over Russia.
Okay.
It's only when Putin is out of Ukraine.
So there they are, literally repeating the words of Nazis as we fund Nazis.
And you think I'm kidding?
So neo-Nazis in the far right are on the march in Ukraine.
So this is from 2019.
So I'll go over this briefly again.
I covered it briefly in my other video.
It says, while the group officially denies any neo-Nazi connection, Azov's nature, so there's an Azov battalion.
We've showed you the Azov battalion that used to be volunteers.
And then the Ukraine government absorbed it into their National Guard and into their army.
So now they're a Nazi battalion.
And they're the ones doing most of the shelling of the Eastern Ukrainians, which are the Russians.
So the Azov battalion's nature has been confirmed by multiple Western outlets.
The New York Times has called the battalion openly neo-Nazi.
While the USA Today, the Daily Beast, the Telegraph, and Heratz have documented groups, members' prolocity for swastikas, salutes, and other Nazi symbols and individual fighters have also acknowledged being neo-Nazis.
Even more disturbing is the far-right's penetration of law enforcement.
Shortly after the Maidan, that was the coup in 2014, the U.S. equipped and trained the newly founded national police in what was intended to be a hallmark program buttressing Ukrainian democracy.
The deputy minister of the interior, which controls the national police, is Vadim Troyen, a veteran of Azov.
That's the neo-Nazi battalion.
And a patriot of Ukraine.
That's the neo-Nazi group.
In 2014, when Troyen was being considered for police chief of Kiev, Kiev, Ukrainian Jewish leaders were appalled by his neo-Nazi background.
Today, his deputy of the department running U.S.-trained law enforcement in the entire nation, he's the deputy of the department running U.S.-trained law enforcement in the entire nation.
He's a guy straight from the neo-Nazis, straight from them.
The fact that Ukraine's police is peppered with far-right supporters explains why the neo-Nazis operate with impunity on the streets of Ukraine.
And glory to Ukraine, glory to heroes.
Where does that come from?
It's a slogan of the UPA, the Ukraine rebel army who fought on the side of the Nazis.
The slogans, their origin and history are well known in Ukraine, although the president's website does not make mention of these.
That was the president when they announced that this would be their official slogan.
They didn't say any of this shit when they announced, hey, we're going to take that Nazi slogan and make it the army's official slogan.
They didn't give you the Nazi past.
They didn't tell you about the history.
Present neo-Nazi Ukrainian military formations established by order of the Ukrainian authorities appropriated the slogan from the end of 2013 onward.
So the Ukrainian military has been using that slogan, which is the slogan of the Nazis who slaughtered the Jews there in 1941.
They've been using that since 2013.
Now the Ukrainian Nazi collaborators greeting will become the official salute in that country's army.
And that's, it happened.
And this is very interesting that the National Endowment for Democracy, which is a CIA front, and Spilus coup specialist, have seemingly deleted all references to its funding for organizations in the Ukraine.
Protecting intelligence assets on the ground, are you?
So that guy who was speaking, who repeated the Nazi slogan that is now the slogan of the Ukraine army, the guys from the NED, they took down all their funding evidence that they were funding people in Ukraine to do this, to fight Russians, overthrow the government.
NED bankrolled 65 projects in Ukraine in years prior to the Maidan coup to the tune of millions.
Six months before, its chief Carl Gersham dubbed Kiev the biggest prize in the former Soviet sphere.
But yeah, the idea that Maidan was a CIA job is just a mental conspiracy theory.
And I just want to show you how the New York Times talks about the Azov Battalion now and how they used to.
And this is from Ali Abunima.
He caught this.
He says, check this out.
In 2019, the New York Times accurately described Azoff Battalion as Ukrainian neo-Nazi.
So in 2019, the New York Times called them Nazis.
But what do they say now?
So here it is.
In 2019, a Ukrainian neo-Nazi paramilitary organization.
That's 2019.
Here they are in 2022.
Now it's Azoff Battalion, a unit of the Ukrainian National Guard.
Do you see the difference?
Well, now we helped.
Now we can't tell the truth because we're engineering a war in that country.
And that's bad for our propaganda.
So that's why New York Times, which are pro-war propagandists and lapdogs to the power, we know this from the Iraq war, Libyan war, Syria war, Afghanistan war.
They're doing it again for Ukraine.
So that's, I'll stop there.
Do you have any comment on any of this stuff that I've laid out?
No, other than that, it's incredibly important.
People know all of this context, and this is everything you're not getting from our garbage mainstream outlets.
And, you know, acting like this is just as simple as Putin lost his mind and started pushing big red buttons that fired missiles.
It makes you a fucking idiot, and it makes it dangerous.
And so now people want no fly zones.
They want essentially nuclear war.
They don't even realize they're rooting for that.
You know, if there's a nuclear exchange, everyone dies.
It's not just like, oh, you know, we kill a couple people.
No, it's bad for everyone.
This is all bad for everyone.
And the U.S. has pushed this into happening.
That doesn't mean I support Putin's actions.
It means that if we understood their context and everything, the U.S. has pushed for this for many years.
And here we are.
And they're using the Ukrainian people as cannon fodder right now.
They want you to run out on the street with the Ukrainian flag.
And they want this to keep going because they view it as a propaganda win.
And they're glad they can sanction Russian oil pipelines.
So the U.S. government seems to be celebrating this while people die.
And I'm going to show in another segment later today how Putin has offered a way to end this war.
And Zelensky, the head of Ukraine, won't even entertain it.
And it's being said it's because Biden and the West won't let him.
They want this war to go on longer.
So anyway, Lee, thank you so much.
Lee Camp, everybody.
Everybody check out his Patreon because he can no longer be checked out on RT.
And hopefully that gets remedied soon.
And that's just a horrible thing.
It's an important, you know, you do great work over there.
Chris Hedges does great work.
So many people do great work over at RT.
And it's an important news outlet.
It's important to have different points of view.
And you certainly don't hear your point of view anywhere else.
So anyway, good luck to you, Lee.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, patreon.com slash LeeCamp.
And hopefully I can find a way to keep doing some sort of redacted tonight type of show.
Yeah, it's a great show.
All right, Lee.
Good to see you.
We'll hope to talk soon.
Talk soon.
Hey, you know, here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show.
You can do it by going to jimmydoorcompedy.com, clicking on join premium.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business, and it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards.
Thanks for everybody who was already a premium member.
And if you haven't, you're missing out.
We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
So the United States now is banning oil from Russia because we want to sell more liquefied gas to Europe.
And no one's telling you that in the news.
That's a big part of it.
We overthrew their government in 2014.
And now we're arming Nazis to help fight Russia because of...
And what I want to show you now is that we're going to Venezuela.
We're begging Venezuela for oil.
Now, remember when we were trying to overthrow Venezuela?
Watch this.
Remember, this is from the State of the Union in 2021.
So this is just from a year ago.
We are supporting the hopes of Cubans, Nicaraguans, and Venezuelans to restore democracy.
The United States is leading a 59-nation diplomatic coalition against the socialist dictator of Venezuela, Nicholas Maduro.
Oh, look, they all applaud.
Maduro's a dictator.
Maduro is an illegitimate ruler, a tyrant who brutalizes his people.
But Maduro's grip on tyranny will be smashed.
Do we ever get tired of this script?
We don't.
Oh, this guy's a brutal dictator.
We got to help the people.
If you cared about people, you'd first start by giving Americans health care.
You don't care about people, which is why you want to overthrow Maduro for oil.
Okay.
Broken.
Here this evening is a very brave man who carries with him the hopes, dreams, and aspirations of all Venezuelans.
Joining us in the gallery is the true and legitimate president of Venezuela, Juan Guaido.
Mr. President, please take this message back to his home.
You see, they all stood up.
There's a Tulsi impersonator behind him.
Look at that show.
Look at that show.
A heartwarming display of bipartisanship from Pelosi.
I mean, sure, she didn't give him the standing knuckle rub, but it still was nice to see.
So that's what they all cheered.
That's the real president of Maduro.
I mean, of Venezuela, is Juan Guaido.
That's the real president.
Yeah.
And here's Joe Biden.
Joe Biden says Nicolas Maduro is a dictator.
I strongly condemn his regime's violent takeover of the Venezuelan National Assembly, the country's sole remaining democratic institution.
Joe Biden coming out strong, strongly condemning the Venezuelan strongman with a strong statement condemning his strong arm tactics.
Here is Pete Judybug.
He says the illegitimate takeover of the Venezuelan National Assembly is further evidence that dictator Maduro will stop at nothing to consolidate his grip on power.
I stand behind Juan Guaido and the Venezuelan people as they strive to reclaim their democracy and defend their rights.
Boy, even Pete Ladybug is standing behind John Guaido and the entire nation of Venezuela.
Isn't that great?
As transportation secretary, he really has nothing to do with any of it, but he's with them on Twitter.
Isn't that nice?
Isn't that nice?
And there it is.
Biden will recognize Guaido as Venezuela's leader, top diplomat, says, boy, this handsome young man is the true leader of Venezuela, and that's who we call president.
Maduro is not our president of Venezuela.
Venezuela, Guaido, says U.S. to continue backing him as leader.
He's darn right we do.
This is about morals and democracy and promoting moral democracy, some things you don't compromise on.
Even Secretary of State Antony Blinken said in a statement Monday that the U.S. supports the Venezuelan opposition and Guaido, whom he referred to as the interim president.
Look at that.
Look at that.
He said, you can't trust.
He said, when Nicolas Maduro's government won a majority of seats, that election was flawed.
That's what Antony Blinken, the Secretary of State, said.
He's the Secretary of State right now.
He said, you can't trust the Venezuela's election.
Did you know that if you live in Venezuela and think the election was rigged, you can be censored or worse.
Imagine living in a country where you could lose your very platform for questioning election results.
Imagine that, Kurt.
Let's all just take a second and try to imagine what kind of living hell that would be like.
I can't get my head around it.
Can't get my head around that, that you could be deplatformed and censored for questioning the outcome of an election.
So why do I show you all that?
Because the U.S. officials make rare trips to Venezuela discussing resuming oil imports to help replace Russian fuel.
Rare.
There you go.
They should just play the Larry David music.
Really?
The curb your enthusiasm music should be playing right there.
Wasn't the last trip when that one guy went and tried to throw Venezuela himself with all these three.
That's right.
That was the last trip to Venezuela.
A group of senior U.S. officials flew to Venezuela on Saturday for a meeting with President Nicholas Maduro's government to discuss the possibility of easing sanctions on Venezuelan oil exports as the Biden administration weighs a ban on imports of Russian oil and gas, according to two people familiar with this.
Ooh, that's embarrassing.
That's embarrassing after all that shit Biden and Trump were talking and Anthony Blinken.
That's embarrassing.
Now they got to go with their dick in their hands.
Yeah.
Hey, maybe Maduro's too.
Hey, hey, ha.
Ha ha ha.
We were joking.
Ha ha ha.
When I said you were a violent dictator who oppressed his people, let me finish.
The trip is the highest level U.S. visit to the socialist state in years and comes as the United States is seeking to isolate Russia for its invasion to Ukraine.
Venezuela, the Kremlin's most important ally in South America, used to be a significant supplier of crude to the United States before exports were hobbled by domestic mismanagement and crippling sanctions from Washington.
That's what it was crippling.
Look at the Washington Post doing a little fucking propaganda for them.
In recent weeks, former American lawmakers have pushed for the United States to ban Russian oil and gas exports while lifting restrictions on Venezuela, home to the world's largest oil reserve.
Now you know why we were trying to overthrow Venezuela.
It's home to the world's largest oil reserve.
And if they got a large oil reserve, it's just a matter of time before we got to bring their people some democracy.
The U.S. delegation included Roger Carstens, the special president envoy for hostage affairs, Juan Gonzalez, the National Security Council, Senior Director for Western Hemisphere Affairs, and Jimmy Story.
That's his name.
Jimmy Story.
Hey, what's the deal with Jimmy Story?
What's his narrative?
What's this guy's merit?
The U.S. Ambassador to Venezuela said one person familiar with The visit.
The trip comes just days after Maduro and Russian President Vladimir Putin spoke over the phone, the telephone, about boosting the partnership between their countries.
Look at that.
Can you imagine?
Can you imagine, though, having to be on that trip, and you're the guy who has to ask Maduro for oil?
Do you think it's like the guy from Firefest?
Is that who they got to ask Maduro, the guy who organized, remember Firefest?
Yeah.
And I'm pretty sure that guy's prepared to blow Maduro.
I'm pretty sure.
I'll do anything for the company.
Maduro is probably like, why are you asking me?
Why don't you ask Juan Guaido, the real president?
Okay.
Here we go.
During the trip, U.S. officials are also trying to secure the release of six former executives of Houston-based Sitco Petroleum Corp, an oil refiner formerly controlled by the Maduro government, according to a person familiar with the visit and spoken with Abdul Debad.
Hey, maybe Juan Guaido can free the hostages.
I don't handle that.
I'm not even president, said Maduro.
The Sitco Six were arrested during a business trip to Cracas in November 2017 and charged with money laundering, embezzlement, racketeering, and participating in organized crime.
They denied the allegations, but you know they did all that.
Free the Sitco Six in case of fashion.
The Sitco Six, that's who we have to beg for.
The Sitco Six.
We have to beg for him and then that idiot who planned the Bay of Pigs invasion.
By the way, meanwhile, Steve Donzinger's life is ruined.
If you know who that is, that's a good.
The U.S. officials are also seeking to negotiate the release of two former Green Berets who were accused of a plot to remove Maduro, as well as a former Marine who was arrested.
You're ready for this?
While traveling along the Caribbean coast of Venezuela.
That's how the Washington Post describes it.
What was he doing?
He was traveling along the Caribbean coast of Venezuela.
Kurt, he was traveling.
He was just backpacking with his kids.
That sounds like that stupid videos that tell you when you get pulled over and say, I'm not driving all this.
I'm traveling.
That's how they framed it.
While traveling.
Really?
Well, what was he doing?
Two former U.S. Green Berets are sentenced to 20 years and jailed for a coup, failed coup in Venezuela.
Matthew Heath, 39, was arrested September 10th, traveling along the Caribbean coast, accused of scheming with three Venezuelans to sabotage oil refineries and other infrastructure to stir unrest.
Authorities said they found images of targets on Heath's cell phone, and they displayed pictures taken indoors of a grenade launcher, plastic explosives, and a bag of U.S. dollars, they said, was being transported by the terrorist cell.
So traveling along the Caribbean, the coast, the U.S. and Venezuela broke off diplomatic relations in 2019 after the U.S. government recognized Juan Guaido as the country's legitimate president, accusing Maduro of winning election, re-election, through fraud.
Okay.
U.S. officials have signaled that the Biden administration will continue to recognize Guaido as Venezuela's rightful leader.
But in an interview with America's Quarterly this week, Gonzalez said the administration is focused on negotiations rather than top leave.
We really need the oil.
We really need the goddamn oil, okay?
All right?
And at least we're offering a great deal.
We still think you should be good.
We still think you should be Gaddafi, but we're not going to focus on that right now.
Deal?
Is that a deal?
There will be a stick in your ass.
Don't worry.
But right now, we're just focused on your oil.
Yeah.
Normally, we'd want to have someone debowel you.
What is that?
That's a word for that.
What's it called?
Disembowel.
Disemboweled.
We'd like someone to disembowel you.
The hard way.
The hard way.
Whereas the previous administration's theory of change was based on regime collapse.
Ours is that only a negotiation will lead to concrete assistance.
Ah!
We don't want him.
Come on.
That's amazing.
We just want to talk.
Jesus.
Oh, my God.
Did you suddenly realize that now our regime is about to collapse?
Richard Medder says, hold on.
Why are U.S. officials traveling to Venezuela to speak with Maduro?
I thought Guaido was the president.
Glenn Greenwald says, it's borderline amusing that the entire bipartisan United States political class spent years proclaiming that the real leader of Venezuela is President Juan Guaido, but the minute they need something that's instantly abandoned for President Maduro, we'd like to meet with you.
That's right.
Oh.
I can't wait till we're so.
So when we're back to trying to kill this guy, Maduro, hopefully Putin will be cool when we have a go to him.
So that's it.
President Maduro, we'd like to meet with you.
Oh, by the way, U.S. is going to start importing oil from Gavin Newsom's hair.
Also, I don't know if you know this, service stations are widening their signs in preparation.
You see how they're widening their sides in preparation for higher gas prices?
Yeah.
you Yeah.
So there you go.
There you go.
There you effing go.
Now you know the rest of the story and why we're getting oil from Maduro.
And they're all together.
There's no separation between Nancy Pelosi and people like Donald Trump or Mike Pence or anybody when it comes to Ukraine, Venezuela, all that shit.
You want to see Stephen Colbert completely lose his mind?
You want to see Stephen Colbert.
You know, it's to have absolutely no self-awareness of what he's saying.
This is how much of a shitlib Stephen Colbert has become.
How much of a tool of the man, a willing tool.
He's now a pro-war propagandist, and he calls himself a Christian.
He teaches Sunday school.
He's a Catholic.
This goes to show you that someone like Stephen Colbert is a useful idiot and a willful tool for evil.
And that's not hyperbole.
Because watch this.
Russia has been hit with a series of crippling sanctions, and it looks like there's more to come because the U.S. and its European allies are now discussing banning imports of Russian oil.
Take that, Putin.
We're not going to buy our gas from a war criminal.
We're going to buy it from the good guys, Saudi Arabia.
So that starts off very promising.
I'm like, Oh, Stephen Colbert is doing comedy again.
He's pointing out the hypocrisy of our government, even if it's run by a Democrat.
He's pointing out this crazy, unbelievable hypocrisy of us banning Russian oil and getting it from butchers like the people in Saudi Arabia who are currently carrying out a genocide in Yemen with our help.
The butchers from Saudi Arabia.
So I thought, I'm like, oh, he got it right.
And then watch this.
But it's going to cost.
Since the invasion, oil prices have skyrocketed.
Today, the average gas price in America hit an all-time record high of over $4 per gallon.
Okay, that stings, but a clean conscience is worth a buck or two.
I'm willing to pay.
Okay.
Okay.
Two seconds ago, two seconds ago, he just pointed out that we get our oil from butchers in Saudi Arabia that throw gay people off buildings, don't let women have any rights, and are committing a genocide in Yemen.
And now he's saying if we buy it from those people, he can have a clean conscience.
He just contradicted himself 100% within two seconds, and nobody in his audience or him or on his staff notices that.
Somebody noticed.
Somebody noticed that.
I'm going to play it again for you.
Let's play it again.
Russia has been hit with a series of crippling sanctions, and it looks like there's more to come because the U.S. and its European allies are now discussing banning imports of Russian oil.
Take that, Putin.
We're not going to buy our gas from a war criminal.
We're going to buy it from the good guys, Saudi Arabia.
But it's going to cost.
Since the invasion, oil prices have skyrocketed.
Today, the average gas price.
I think I know what happened.
What?
Forensically.
So he's got writers.
So a writer wrote that joke, the Saudi Arabia thing.
Yeah.
That's either Colbert putting his own thing in after or somebody else in the room's like thing to adjust the joke because it sounds like a good joke that suddenly has this sentiment that doesn't fit with it.
At all.
Yeah, a writer probably wrote that.
These two.
That was good.
These two things are incongruent.
So you're saying that Stephen Colbert repeated that joke written for him, the Saudi Arabia joke, and now this is from his heart.
That's what you're saying.
Or could be another person in the room from their heart, but it's a room, so you got to combine stuff into this Frankenstein.
That's like a Frankenstein.
I mean, it doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
So let's do it one more time because this is amazing.
Russia has been hit with a series of crippling sanctions, and it looks like there's more to come because the U.S. and its European allies are now discussing banning imports of Russian oil.
Take that, Putin.
We're not going to buy our gas from a war criminal.
We're going to buy it from the good guys, Saudi Arabia.
But it's going to cost.
Since the invasion, oil prices have skyrocketed.
Today, the average gas price in America hit an all-time record high of over $4 per gallon.
Okay, that stings, but a clean conscience is worth a buck or two.
I'm willing to pay.
No writer would write that.
No writer would write that.
And so that's coming from Stephen Colbert's darkened heart that got corrupted by corporate cash and neoliberalism.
So now he literally cheers on war.
Small price to pay for a clean conscience.
For a clean conscience.
For a clean conscience.
As he's cheering on war.
Here we go.
I'm willing to pay $4 a gallon.
Hell, I'll pay $15 a gallon because I drive a Tesla.
So now everybody's pointing to that joke as the thing.
No.
All right.
The other thing is his contradiction.
And nobody, again, you could even say the truth in the middle of a joke or at the beginning of a joke, and people will just ignore it.
Yeah, right.
You have to ignore the first part of that joke to enjoy the second part of that joke.
By the way, the second part is not a joke.
Look at the guy smiling like he understands.
Yeah.
He's like, oh.
The second part.
Yeah, that's exactly right.
The second part of that joke is not a joke.
The second part of that joke is propaganda.
The first part is a joke about Saudi Arabia being the good guys and that we feel good.
The whole part of it's a joke when he says, I have a clean conscience.
Well, that should all, if he would have delivered it a little differently, it could have actually been a joke too, because that's fucking ridiculous that you would buy your oil from Saudi Arabia and make the joke about it and then say you have a clean conscience.
So this just goes to show you how propaganda works and how crazy it doesn't have to make sense at all.
At all.
And Stephen Colbert is a cancer on comedy and this fucking country because people trust him.
They don't think he's a propagandist.
And he is 100%.
You know that character he used to do on Comedy Central?
He is that character now.
That's what that is.
He's beyond.
It's like Strangers with Candy level.
Yeah.
Satire.
That's beyond Colbert's show.
He's back in the Strangers with Candy character days.
Yeah, this is.
So Max Blumenthal, so I just, how anybody could, well, I know how people watch Stephen Colbert.
They don't think and they don't do their own research.
They let CNN do it for them.
And then they watch Stephen Colbert and they laugh even though nothing makes sense that he's saying.
Who is watching him still?
I'm trying to fathom that.
Hillary voters, Joe Biden voters, people who hate Trump, people who are pro-mandate, those kind of people.
Within that group, there's a lot who are not watching Colbert.
Like even within that.
Yeah, but that's those are of the people.
He still gets big ratings.
Does he?
What do you think?
I don't know why I thought he did.
Maybe he does.
You don't think he gets good ratings?
That's Stephen Colbert's ratings.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm a Seth Meyers guy myself.
Oh, no.
Fox News is beating Colbert.
Yeah, Gunfeld beats.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Yeah.
A cable station is beating a broadcast station.
Oh, so he's not doing great.
Yeah, like look at this guy's face.
It says it all.
That should be like just a bunch of them and a bunch of like cutouts of him in the audience looking at Colbert while he does it.
So he's not doing great.
A cable show host beats him in the same time slot.
So they put a ban on oil from Russia.
So, again, you know, this is all about energy, right?
This is all about imperialism, hegemony, American hegemony.
And there's a pipeline involved, the Nord Stream 2.
And so, we want to sell our liquefied natural gas over to Europe instead of letting Russia sell it to Europe because Russia already sells 30% of the energy to Europe, and that's a little bit too much power and makes us nervous.
So, we're expanding NATO, and we're overthrowing governments in Ukraine.
We're getting in bed with neo-Nazis all for what?
And what is NATO for anymore?
As Chomsky told us, NATO is only there to secure energy transfers, the energy shipping lanes, and stuff like that.
So, again, if you're getting your information about this Ukraine from the corporate news, you don't know what's going on.
You're being propagandized at a nuclear level.
So, what's going on?
So, now Joe Biden is banning gas from Russia.
And here's Larry Summers.
Now, if you don't know who Larry Summers is, he's a guy who ruined the country.
And nobody, and the presidents won't stop listening to him.
So, it was his big idea: deregulate Wall Street, do all that stuff, and then they crash the economy within 10 years.
And he didn't, nothing happened to him.
He's still a billionaire or a millionaire.
And so, now, here's what Max Blumenthal tweeted out: Larry Summers, who presided over the demolition and plundering of Russia's economy in the 90s and pushed policies that led to the United States financial crash.
I just told you, he says that Americans need to suffer higher gas and food prices and inflation as the price of fighting tyranny.
Wait a minute.
So, now we all have to tighten our belts to help fight Russia.
What is this?
Russia?
Like Cuba.
What?
Go ahead.
So it's like Cuba.
Like, what do we embargo ourselves?
No kidding.
Here we go.
I worry slightly, Farid, when I hear us protest a bit too vigorously that this isn't going to interfere with gasoline prices too much, because I think ultimately, if the price of combating tyranny is a period of much higher gas prices, that's a price we need to be prepared to pay as a country.
So we shouldn't pay higher price, gas prices to fight global climate change.
But wow, we should fight.
We should have pay higher prices for gas to fight tyranny in a place I don't live.
That's amazing.
So we shouldn't do it to fight climate change, which affects me directly where I live.
But we should do it to fight some kind of vague tyranny in another country that I'm not a part of.
Okay, here we go.
I think we'll get there if we need to.
Inflation is a serious problem.
This will make it worse.
But preserve.
But it's not really going to affect rich people like me.
It's going to certainly crush the working poor and make it harder for everybody else who's blue-collar or actually doesn't have any good.
80% of workers live paycheck to paycheck.
You know that.
So it's going to hurt them.
It's not going to hurt him.
But he says we should still do it.
So to fight tyranny?
But we do take oil from Saudi Arabia, right?
Okay.
World order is much more fundamental and much more important than an extra percentage point or an extra three percentage point on the CPI over some interval.
So let's have our priorities straight.
Historians, 50 years from now.
So our priorities should be straight.
Our priorities is to pretend that what's happening in Ukraine isn't a result of a 2014 coup that we helped institute and then got in bed with neo-Nazis.
And it was the result of constant shelling from the neo-Nazis to the people in the eastern Ukraine called the Donbass and also a Nord Stream pipeline, which is going to take liquefied natural gas from Russia straight to Germany.
So there's all these reasons, but we're doing it because we care about people and fighting tyranny.
They do it with a straight face.
These people are psychopaths.
Larry Summers is a psychopath.
I remember the events of this week in Ukraine.
They will not remember the inflation statistics over the next six months.
Right.
Tell that to someone who already can't afford their medicine.
Tell that to somebody who already can't afford their rent or their carb payment or their gas bill.
Tell that to somebody.
Okay.
He just did.
Yeah, he just did.
He's like, I don't give a shit.
It's going to cost way more.
Get used to it.
Why?
Because the people who run global capital want you to pay the price so they can make a bigger profit selling liquid gas to Europe.
That's why.
Here's George Takai.
George Takai, one of my least favorite of shitlibs.
He says, Americans, we can endure higher prices for food and gas if it means putting the screws to Putin.
When you say we can endure, again, George Takai, you're super wealthy.
I'm sure you're a millionaire, and it's not going to affect you.
Consider it a patriotic donation in the fight for freedom over tyranny.
Are you got?
Yeah, well, I get why Sulu feels that way.
Russia hacked him and made him sexually harass a guy.
So that's why he's angry at Russia.
Jimmy, that's like when you said let them buy cake.
That's like let them give up a cake.
Yes.
The next level.
That's what that is.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy, this is former Governor Andrew Cuomo.
How are you this fine day?
I'm doing fine, Mr. Cuomo.
How about yourself?
Feeling vindicated.
And let me tell you, that is a great feeling.
Almost as good as touching a terrified young woman's left buttock.
Vindicated how.
Well, in case you didn't see, I'm starting to make public appearances once again.
Yes, I did see that.
The other day, I was generously allowed to give a short speech at the church of my personal friend, Reverend Cockfield.
That's his name.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cockfield.
If I had a farm, it would be called that.
So you gave a sermon, a speech about religious themes or something?
Fuck no, I talked about me, dummy.
Of course, of course.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorkomedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
▲
Export Selection