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Oct. 8, 2011 - Jimmy Dore Show
57:24
20111008_The_JImmy_Dore_Show_10-6-11
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Time Text
It's the Jimmy Dore show.
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say It's hard to talk in your tea diagonal Okay, welcome to today's show.
We are broadcasting from studio B in Pasadena today.
I'm joined as always from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and cinematictitanic.com.
It's Frank Connoff.
Hi, Frank.
Hey, Jimmy, how you doing?
Frank, you got a nice haircut?
Oh, thank you.
Looking good.
I got this haircut just for the radio audience.
I love it.
And sitting next to him, former writer for the Daily Show, hilarious stand-up comedian, it's Jim Earl, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, how are you?
I got a haircut about a month ago.
It looks great.
Thank you.
Still hanging in there with your pistachios.
It grows in.
Okay.
And next to him from Team Yasamura, a hilarious stand-up comedian, it's Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
How are you?
I'm doing good, buddy.
Thanks for bringing your headphones today.
Oh, absolutely.
Okay, so let's get to what's happening in the news.
What's coming up on today's show?
Well, Rick Perry said that he should have never read the Tea Party Guide to Naming Your Hunting Lodge.
And we're going to talk about that and Herman Kane's reaction to the tea part, to his Hunting Lodge's name.
And Sarah Palin not running for president, which now who's left to say crazy, stupid crap.
Oh, wait, all of them.
There you go.
Okay.
Hey, Governor Chris Christie's not running for president.
He said he wants to spend more time with his family style meals.
He's a large man.
He's a large man.
Big appetite.
And why do I get the feeling this is not the first time Chris Christie took a pass on running?
Of course he's not running.
It involves running.
Okay, so we're going to talk about that later on.
People are actually bringing up his weight in terms of him being able to be president.
It's an issue.
And then we're going to talk about that.
Even Rush Limbaugh weighed in on that.
Can you believe it?
And you know what?
Maria Bartolomo.
Is that how you say it?
Bartiromo?
Bartaromo.
Bartaromo.
I pronounce it.
So here's Maria Bartiromo.
She was on Meet the Press or Press the Meeting Hers, which she had something to say.
The markets are built on confidence.
People need to have confidence that we actually see a plan that will encourage businesses to create jobs.
The corporate sector is the strongest that we've seen in a long time.
They've got $2.5 trillion in cash.
Yeah, they've got $2.5 trillion in cash.
Hey, let me tell you, if two and a half trillion dollars doesn't make you more confident, maybe you should take some dance lessons.
Okay.
We're going to talk about that coming up.
Plus, Rush Limbaugh is going to be in the Oh My God segment, Chris Christie.
And we're going to have a phone.
I have a conversation.
I sit down with our president.
Our president tries to woo me back into his good graces.
It's not going to work.
Plus, Jim Hightower.
Let's see what else.
Oh, we sit down with Jay Tomlinson from the best of the left.
He had a problem with our Pat Robertson segment that we did.
And so, yeah, I sat down and talked with him.
That's coming up, plus a lot more on today's Jimmy Dore show.
Time for another installment of Oh My God.
Okay, today in the Oh My God segment, we had a bunch of things to choose from, but people have been getting on Chris Christie.
Like Michael Kingsley wrote an article about how can you be president if you're that overweight because it shows how you're not disciplined.
And so Chris Christie didn't like it when serious pundits.
Well, first of all, let's hear what Rush Limbaugh had to say about it.
You don't have it, but all these stories with Christie being fat, they're all over the place.
Will he have the stamina?
Will he have the energy?
Will he have the health?
You don't have those questions.
There are plenty of lard-ass women in politics.
And they get a total pass on it.
Yeah, the women get a total pass on it.
Who is he referring to?
Who are the Lardass women?
She was huge.
I mean, you look at the free ride Hillary Clinton got, right?
Nobody ever mentioned her appearance until, you know, she appeared somewhere.
And then the point Rush is really making there is that, yes, overweight female politician deserves to catch way more crap for being fat.
That's what he's saying.
They're getting a total pass on it.
Yeah.
Yeah, we should give him a harder time.
But hey, Fat Fatty, what's bad?
What's your problem?
Rush Limbaugh says you're not taking up grief.
Yeah, yeah, that's who needs to get it a little harder.
Overweight women.
They don't get it hard enough in this country.
He also doesn't like how popular that chick from Mike and Molly is now.
We have to hold women to a higher standard.
A higher standard of hotness.
Of weight, everything.
Because they're that danger they might menstruate all over the Constitution.
Oh, my God.
But where did, I mean, Rush Limbaugh, too, his whole career is he goes into a studio and sits down for three hours every day.
And he's obese.
It's kind of he's proven already he's not above making fun of someone for being overweight.
He got on Michelle Obama when she was trying to teach kids to eat fruit and vegetables because she went out and had ribs one night.
He's like, you know how many calories are in ribs?
You know, I'm like, hey, hey, hey, John Goodman, maybe you shouldn't be pointing the finger.
Also, let's not forget he used to make fun of and disparage drug addicts, which is a very prolific drug addict himself.
Oh, Rush Limbaugh?
Yeah.
Yeah, he likes the oxycodones and the shiots.
But my point is, I guess he's not above.
He doesn't mind having three fingers pointing back at him.
He likes to shoot himself, I guess, is what I'm saying.
But OxyContin, I'm guessing, I've never taken it, but I guess it goes good with fried chicken.
Sure.
One thing I remember from drugs is that you would lose weight sometimes because you'd lose your appetite.
But apparently the ones he takes.
Yeah, it stimulates.
It stimulates.
You know what goes well with OxyContin is some nice Diet Coke, fried chicken, and sexual tourism.
Wow.
It's really good.
Okay.
This has been, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, now Herman Kane has been making a lot of news, right?
He's leading in the polls and stuff like that.
He's up there in the polls anyway.
He's him and Rick.
Fellow broadcaster.
Fellow broadcaster.
Sure, friend of the show, Herman Kane.
Jimmy Dore.
Herman Kane.
And so remember when he said this, Herman Kane?
Many African Americans have been brainwashed into not being open-minded, not even considering a conservative point of view.
So that's right.
They've been brainwashed.
A lot of blacks have been brainwashed in America.
But then the governor of Texas, who it looks like might be the next Republican nominee, well, it turned out that in the name of his ranch or the place he used to go summer or go fishing was, well, I don't want to say, what was it called?
Name of the place was called Nigga Here.
Okay, so that's what it was called.
Okay, so, and when he found that out, Herman Cain stopped saying stuff about blacks being rainwashed and started saying stuff like this.
A more vile, negative word than the N word, and for him to leave it there as long as he did before I hear that they finally painted over there, Over it, it's just plain insensitive to a lot of black people in this country.
Okay, so he's saying it's very insensitive.
So he's not anymore.
But then, you know, first of all, let me just say, come on, Herman Kane.
Sounds like a Democrat got to and brainwashed him.
Exactly.
What do you brainwash now against the Republican Party that someone said that word is what?
What was that word again?
Was that word that could be insensitive?
What was it?
Nigger heat.
Yeah, that word.
That word was insensitive.
But it's weird because, you know, Herman Kane being the man.
First of all, noticing racism and saying what Herman Kane said about another white Republican gets you in a lot of trouble with your other white Republican friends who only want you around to make them feel better about their racism.
Right?
That's kind of the double end.
Also, they like to think that they like him around if they want to order a drink or something.
Wow.
Why do Texans hate heads so much?
That's my question.
I hear Herman King goes hunting at Uncle Tom Head.
Yeah.
Well, but they don't say when he painted over that rock, he painted it over to say white's only head.
But, you know, after Herman Kane was like, oh my God, it's not, it's very insensitive.
But if you say that, they'll go come after you and they have to re-educate you because now you're not performing your role as a black guy for the Republicans.
You're making them realize that they're insensitive and racist.
Can I just say, by the way, I think painting over it was insensitive.
And I think that that is trying to whitewash the history of this country, the racism in this country, that, by the way, is included in our Constitution, is what's dangerous, is what's insensitive.
I think that was written in stone.
Leave it there.
Let the world know there was a time in this country when we used to hang black people for looking at white women.
I have no.
You know, it sounds like Rick Perry's going to be damned if he does, damn, if he doesn't.
No, he absolutely is.
He chose a bad hunting area.
That was like.
Also, a lot of the moose in that hunting area had a sit-in at a lunch counter guy.
We need to see a duck getting in the back of the bus.
For Rick Perry's sake, I hope that was some damn good hunting.
Why even keep the stupid rock?
Why not bury it or just chip it?
Well, I love the fact.
Here's a guy who's like, you know, he knows he's going to have a political career.
But I just assume the culture, the racism is so ingrained in the culture there that it never occurred to him for years and years and years to even do anything about it.
I think Rick Perry only thinks like one move ahead.
I don't think he ever thought about a national because if you look at his moves within the primaries, he's only thinking about winning the nomination.
He's not thinking about the national.
That's why he's shooting his mouth off on with all this B-roll that would come back and bite him in the ass if he made the national.
So let's recap.
Herman Kane says.
Many African Americans have been brainwashed.
Okay, they've been brainwashed.
Okay, but then...
Then that comes up, right?
So then he starts saying, And for him to leave it there as long as he did before I hear that they finally painted over there over it is just plain insensitive to a lot of black people.
Now, when you're a black Republican and you point out Republican racism, they get to you.
And the next day, the next day, Herman Kane was saying this.
I really don't care about that word.
They painted over there over here in the story.
I think it happened way.
I accept Governor Perry's response on that, and I'm ready to talk about what's really important to the American people.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, he doesn't care about that word.
I really don't care about that word.
He doesn't really care about that word.
He doesn't really care about that word.
Sounds like somebody got re-brainwashed.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, they brainwashed him first to be upset at that word, and now they brainwashed him back.
He had the gall to say that it was a vile word.
But it turns out he doesn't care about that word.
No, oh, that's the most vile word that's insane.
I don't care.
I don't really care because the Koch brothers gave me a phone call and said, cut it out.
You're not doing your purpose.
They painted over the word with a swastika.
It's over.
I'm through with it.
The problem for a black man in the Republican Party is that he's a black man in the Republican Party.
That's racist, man.
They painted over it with the symbol for Sambo's restaurants.
Oh, man.
I used to have a Sambo's poster from the restaurant.
Did you really?
Yeah, man.
Poof.
Because it was funny because it was horrible.
I was just a kid.
I was like 25, 26.
I didn't know what I was doing.
Why you call it insensitive, though?
How can anybody, how can a black person call that word insensitive?
Insensitive is not the adjective for it.
It doesn't come close.
Inflammatory starts to head in the direction.
It is blatantly vile and racist.
That's what he should have said.
It's racist.
Okay.
Hey, you know what?
I actually sat down with the president the other day, and he had something to say.
Hey Jimmy D, Burak, I haven't heard from you, boo.
Feels like you've been avoiding me.
I have.
Oh, come on, Jimmy D. Oh, come on.
That's what you say to me.
Oh, come on.
Well, I want to tell you to hang in there, but you already busted my bones about that.
Now, come on, Jimmy.
It's me, Barack Obama.
If we can.
Remember, it's me, baby.
Yeah, I remember.
I don't think you do.
You've forgotten what you said.
You did.
Hey, let's be grown-ups here.
I have to deal with Republicans in Congress.
And they got nothing to do with it.
They got nothing to do with it.
I don't give a rat's ass about the Republicans.
I care about the people that you chose to be with willingly.
You mean like Michelle and Hillary.
I swear to God, if you're going to be glib about this, Barack, I'm going to lose it.
Oh, come on, Jimmy.
You know damn well who I'm talking about.
Geithner and Summers.
Oh, come on, Jimmy.
You mean God on Larry Summers?
Of course that's who I mean.
That's who I said.
And that's who you identify with.
Those are your real pals.
Kimberly baby, those guys mean nothing to me.
I care about people like you, Jimmy.
If you care about God during Summers, some sex, baby, that don't mean nothing.
And now you've got Jeffrey Immelt.
Are you kidding me?
Guys like that make me want to puke, and they're your friends now.
You like those guys?
Okay, okay, fine.
They're gone.
That's it.
They're gone.
And what about the wars and the clean air regulation and the banks?
Okay, okay.
I made a few mistakes.
Yeah.
I tried to get along too much.
But if I'm guilty of anything, it's trying too hard.
That is.
But now it's going to be different.
Really?
Baby, Jimmy, baby, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.
I don't give a baby.
We can finally start implementing our dreams and plans.
But I need you with me, Jimmy Baby.
Yeah, you know what?
I've heard this before, Brock.
Now, I really mean it, Jimmy.
Trust me.
I love you, Jimmy Babe.
And I'm going to be your champion.
Yeah, I don't think, Brock.
Don't think, Marie.
I'm back.
It's me.
Tell me what, Jamai.
Only twice, and I don't know what I'll do.
But I need you with me, Jimmy Baby.
I mean, if I take you back, you got a promise.
Oh, I promise, Jimmy.
Oh, Jimmy, I promise.
You can trust me.
You got a promise.
I promise, Jimmy.
You can trust me.
You know you love it when I get up on your middle class.
Oh, no.
Dirty talk ain't working.
Oh, oh, hey, can I put you on hold, Jimmy?
It's Mr. Gottner.
Oh.
I'd rather you didn't put me on hold, Brock.
Hold on.
I got to take this.
Come on.
Believe me, I'd rather talk to you than Mr. Gotten.
The last time he put me on hold, the next thing I knew you were giving Social Security away to snap.
Yeah, well, that's what you get.
You can't handle the truth, then Brock.
You want this hang up on me?
Brock.
Brock.
Son of a okay, so that was my sit-down with President Barack Obama.
And it certainly sounded like he was trying to get, you know, I've had a guy try to get in my pants before, and that's exactly what it sounded like to me.
Did it sound like that to you?
Okay.
Was that dolomite?
What is, I don't know what is dolomite?
Sounded a lot like dolomite to me, not Barack Obama.
I think you've been taken.
I think somebody's pulling your leg.
I don't know what is dolomite.
Dolomite?
I never heard that term before.
Have you guys heard that term dolomite?
No, I'm not quite familiar.
All right.
You're stumping, you stumped the band, Jimmy.
Dolomite?
Oh, hang on.
Go ahead.
What is dolomite?
Say it out loud.
I don't know.
I don't know the man's name, but he played a character called Dolomite in the 70s in a string of hit black exploitation movies.
Oh, Rudy Raymond.
Oh, Rudy Raymond.
Thank you.
And Jim, I mean, and Frank, I think you would know that you being this.
I don't shock that nobody.
I don't know if you knew this about me.
I'm racist.
Hey, listen, by the way, if you'd like to hear some more of Frank's racist humor, you can always get a podcast of the show for free at iTunes, or you can go to my website, JimmyDoorComedy.com, and you can download the show there for free.
You can listen to the shows, and you can also comment on the other episodes there on the message board.
Everyone likes to do that.
Okay, now let's keep moving on.
Okay, here's one of those BS corporate talking points to disguise his common sense.
As sung by the mind of bird of financial journalism, Maria Bartaromo.
The markets are built on confidence.
People need to have confidence that we actually see a plan that will encourage businesses to create jobs.
Right now, all we're ever hearing about is, oh, taxes will go higher, the millionaires, the billionaires, corporations should carry the brunt.
That's why they're sitting on the corporate sector, is the strongest that we've seen in a long time.
They've got two and a half trillion dollars in cash, but they're not putting the money to work because they're anticipating costs going higher later.
And on the point on regulation, Dodd-Frank is the law of the land.
So why are the rules being written now?
Businesses do not know what their businesses are going to look like in six months, so they're not going to add heads to the pages.
Okay, now, if you have a sixth-grade education and you thought about what she just said, you'd be able to see all the logic holes in that, what she's saying.
And I don't know if Maria has a penis, but she definitely has a huge set of balls to say BS like that on television, right?
I mean, pretty.
So the theory is here that businesses aren't hiring, even though they're sitting on, they're doing, they're doing better than ever.
Businesses that corporations are doing better than ever.
They're sitting on $2 trillion in cash because they don't know what the future because they might get taxed in the future.
So they're not going to hire.
So much uncertainty.
I can't take the uncertainty.
But they're not being taxed right now, and they're not hiring now.
So in the future, they might get taxed, so they won't hire then.
Or it might be just like it is now, and they won't, but they're not hiring now.
So that doesn't make any sense, what she's saying.
This thing holding up.
So, and let's remember why people really aren't hiring, right?
Because Mark Haynes, the guy who died from CNBC, it's always the good guys who die, right?
He let us know why people.
Is it uncertainty, Mark?
It has nothing to do with confidence.
Companies hire when they see more demand for their goods and services, period the end.
That's it.
Companies hire when they see demand for their goods and services.
He's talking crazy.
That's crazy talk.
But the people that Maria is talking about who are sitting on trillions of dollars, shouldn't they be on the next episode of Hoarders?
I mean, since day one, they've been telling Barack Obama, oh, we can't hire because we're uncertain about your health care bill.
Oh, that we got that passed.
Oh, now we're uncertain because we don't know what's going to happen with your tax pile.
Oh, we don't know.
This is, does anybody, but Jim, do you buy that it's like it's a lack of confidence that's making businesses not hired?
I do.
I do.
It's the same thing that's worrying Bill O'Reilly.
I mean, if they raise his taxes, he might not be able to continue his TV show.
Just that kind of uncertainty and fear.
Yeah, it'd be the difference.
Like, if they raise the taxes on Bill O'Reilly, it would be the difference between him making $15 million a year or $16 million a year.
Oh, I'm not going to do it.
You take away that $16 million.
What can you get?
I never forget.
I was at a dinner one time with these really rich guys, and they were sitting around one.
He goes, Oh, if I had your money, I would.
He goes, What are you talking about if you had my money?
He goes, I have $15 million.
You have $10 million.
What can I do that you can't do?
That's exactly.
What can you buy that you can't already buy?
Right, exactly.
I mean, after the first million, Frank, the rest is just alimony anyway.
As Jake Giddy said to Noah Cross in Chinatown, you know, what can you buy that you can't already buy?
Wow.
Look at Frank had that up yet.
Mr. What was it?
What was the thing?
Dynamite?
You're a dolomite.
Dolomite.
Drudy Raymond.
People are going to email you up the wazoo.
Let me just.
All right, so let's keep going with Maria Bartaroma.
Let's hear it.
The markets are built on confidence.
People need to have confidence that we actually see a plan that will encourage businesses to create jobs.
Okay, so the president put out a $700 billion stimulus bill, a plan specifically to create jobs, and Republicans went crazy.
He's pushing another $400 billion in stimulus, and the Republicans are crapping all over themselves, all over him.
And what I'm saying, Maria, you don't know anything about anything.
That's what I'm saying to Maria Bartaromo.
Also, where did all how come when they were getting all the tax breaks from the Bush administration that the economy didn't boom then?
Well, that's the crazy.
That's right.
Oh, well, you can't tax the job creators.
Well, if you mean if we went, we all have heard all the arguments about the Clinton era tax and how we had business booming.
And right now, it's just the craziest thing that's happening.
Businesses do not create jobs.
It's consumers that create jobs with the demand.
The businesses, corporations don't want to create jobs.
They want to eliminate jobs for profit.
And by the way, that's also in this economy or the way it's structured now.
It doesn't create jobs.
It creates jobs overseas.
Yes.
And let's go.
Yes, you're exactly right.
And I mean, we still have lots of manufacturing in this country, but all the new manufacturing gets born in Guatemala.
What they do is they outsource all the jobs, right?
Why wouldn't you?
And then they, if you were a corporation and then there was no restrictions on doing so, yes.
Because you get paid if you raise your corporate profits.
And that's the way to do that is lower your expenditures, which is you get cheaper labor.
So what they do then is they outsource your jobs, and then they tell the people who still have jobs in America that you have to take less in pay, less in benefits, or else we're going to send your job.
So they use that as a downward pressure.
They use that as leverage against the workers still left in America, which is why workers who even have jobs now feel extra squeezed, right?
That's why these people are down in Wall Street.
That's why union members are backing the guys on Wall Street.
And let's remember, so Mark Haynes, when he was talking about why people, when business is higher, when there's a higher...
When business picks up, they hire.
If business doesn't pick up, they don't hire.
Well, you've got 7% growth in the average earnings of the SP 500 over the last four years.
Yeah, but you haven't had that kind of growth in the average earnings of the average worker.
And that's who buys stuff.
So until those people start buying more stuff, companies aren't going to hire.
So what he's saying is until we have demand economics, meaning until there's a demand in the economy, which is what FDI realized, you put money in the pocket of workers, workers create a demand, and then that stimulates business, right?
And that's that.
And it's funny how they rewrite history now to go, oh, well, that didn't, it didn't work in the 30s.
It's not going to work now.
It totally worked in the 30s, which is why they re-elected FDR until he died.
Like they kept electing him.
Right.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, yeah, it didn't work in the 30s.
And they just like to keep re-electing him.
They gave him four terms, figured what the hell.
I know where a new job is opening up.
The sign painter at N-Word Head.
Here they need it.
I understand that they need.
So here is Herman Kane.
He was talking about the protests down in Wall Street.
And he's going to tell you why those are ridiculous and why people are really out of jobs in America.
Don't have facts to back this.
Doesn't have facts to back it up.
But I happen to believe that these demonstrations are planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration.
Don't blame Wall Street.
Don't blame the big banks.
If you don't have a job and you're not rich, blame yourself.
Yeah.
Why would you blame the people, the people who are in charge of setting our economy and setting the rules for our economy?
They're not in charge.
It's not their fault that our economy, the people in charge of the economy, aren't in charge.
If unemployed people were good Americans, they'd go overseas to get a job.
Yeah, why wouldn't they?
You know who I think is really responsible?
It's not the banks.
It's not the people setting the policy for our economy.
It's probably the people with no money and no power.
I bet you they're the ones who screwed everything up.
I don't have the facts to back it up, but I believe the Martians traveled to Earth thousands of years ago and built the pyramids.
But you don't have the facts to back it up.
No, I don't have the facts to back it up, but I'm going to say that.
Could our economic collapse have been caused by ancient astronauts?
It may have.
Coincidence?
I think not.
All right.
So that was a pretty stunning quote from Herman Kane.
Let's remember that if you're rich, it's not you.
If you're rich, you're just a victim.
Oh, yeah.
Right?
And the people without jobs, they're not the victims of a rigged economy that's been funneling money upward and outsourcing jobs to slaves in foreign countries.
That's not what's been happening.
It's not the people at the top's fault.
It's never the people who actually set economic policy who are responsible for that.
It's not the people who sold mortgages they know were going to become toxic so that they could get their commission.
I'm guessing it was a bunch of illegal Mexicans who invented credit default swaps.
Am I right?
Absolutely, along with Reefer.
Oh, yeah.
They bring over their Mexican marijuana, and then they start securitizing people's mortgages, and then they start trading the credit default swaps in this opaque market that nobody knows.
And illegal immigrants aren't, they're overleveraged.
We all know that.
Mexican marijuana is made with real cane sugar, right?
Folks, it's a Mexican coke joke.
Cane sugar from Hawaii, right?
Isn't that what the commercial used to be?
Okay, so Herman Kane.
I would say to anyone who is at a job and got laid off, good one.
I hope you're happy.
You've ruined everything by getting laid off from your job.
It's your fault.
Go home and look in the mirror.
And you want to change the world?
Want to get people to start with yourself, my friend.
Okay, right now, coming up, I want to mention there's two big shows coming up next week, okay?
So next week, Thursday, it's the say no to Walmart show in Burbank, right?
Say no to Walmart at Flappers and Burbank.
Say no to Walmart.
They're trying to build a warm-up in Burbank, and we got a big show going on next Thursday, the 13th, at Flappers.
Go to flapperscomedy.com or my website, jimmydoorcomedy.com.
Get a link there.
And also next Saturday, it's another left, right, and ridiculous show over at the Nerd Melt Theater, Meltdown Comics, right?
Oh.
By the way, I'm headlining at the Acme Comedy Theater on Tuesday the 11th.
Tuesday the 11th, the Acme Comedy Theater in Los Angeles at what is it at?
135 North La Brea.
Okay, you can see Robert Yasamura do 45 minutes of standing up comedy.
I think it's half an hour with our good friends Ron Babcock, who's a friend of the show.
Friend of the show, Ron Brad.
And Heather Thompson, who just a horrible human being.
She's wonderful.
I wasn't going to correct you.
But so next Tuesday, the 11th, 8 o'clock at Acme Comedy Theater, 135.
Oh, yeah.
Those are a lot.
There's a lot of shows happening.
There's a lot of shows happening.
And you'll be a part of the No Walmart show in Burbank next Thursday.
Hey, you know, I've seen Burbank.
Can they please say no to cheese?
That'd be a start.
And this is the Jimmy Door show on Pacifica.
Hello, podcast listeners.
And you know, this is the time of the show where I come to you and let you know our show is made possible.
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Okay, now let's get back to this week's show.
Okay, we're back into the Jimmy Door show.
I'm joining studio from CinematicTitanic.com and Mystery Science Theater 3000.
It's Frank Conniff.
Hi, Frank.
And former writer for The Daily Show and hilarious stand-up comedian.
It's Jim Earl Eaton Pistachios.
Hey, Jim?
At JimEarl.com.
You can find me there.
Oh, that's right, JimEarl.com.
And next to him from Team Yasamura, hilarious comedian Robert Yasamura.
Hey, Robert.
How are you?
I actually also have Robert Yasmartine.
No, Team Yasmart.
Oh, you don't even know your own damn website.
You think someone else is going to find it?
Okay, ready?
I'm better on Twitter.
Don't even bother.
Great Twitter, Robert Yasamura.
Yes.
What's your Twitter name?
Team Yasamura.
Y-A-S-U-M-U-R-A.
Okay, and what's coming up on the rest of today's show?
Well, Jim Hightower stops by to bum us out in a folksy voice.
We're going to hear from Jay Tomlinson sits down with me to tell me why we were wrong about the Pat Robertson conversation we had.
Plus, Chris Christie sits down with me to have a little bit of a conversation.
We don't talk about his weight.
We talk about public policy.
And that's a lot lot more.
But right now, here's Jim Hightower.
Comedy Central Stephen Colbert points out that political statements and even political facts these days don't have to be true.
All they need, Colbert insists, is some element of truthiness.
This seems to be the strategy of Texas Yeehaw Rick Perry.
In presidential debates, he's shown that he's simply no good at getting his mind around true facts, so he makes up his own.
For example, he was stung recently when other candidates charged that a lobbyist for Merck got him to mandate in 2007 that all Texas preteen girls be vaccinated with an anti-cancer drug, a drug that Merck just happens to sell.
Uh-uh, the governor retorted.
It was not the drug lobbyist that prompted his actions, but the heart-rending pleas of a cancer patient who had come into his office.
I got lobbied by a 31-year-old young lady, Perry slapped back at his critics.
How truthy?
The lady was real, and she did visit with him in his office, but not before he issued his gubernatorial order on behalf of Merck.
It was not until three weeks later that Perry first met her.
So the assertion that he was motivated by humanitarian compassion is untrue, false, a fib, a lie.
Perry's story is further stained by the actual fact that as he was preparing to do this sweeping favor for Merck, the drug maker deposited a $5,000 campaign donation in his pocket.
When this was brought up in another debate, Perry tightened into a purity pose and snapped that he was offended by the suggestion that he could be bought for $5,000.
Perry thought this retort put the Merck issue to rest.
But instead, it sounded as though he was setting a price floor for other corporate funders, signaling that maybe $6,000 would not offend him.
This is Jim Hightower saying, Perry needs to heed the advice of baseball great Ted Williams.
If you don't think too good, don't think too much.
Hightower's commentary is brought to you by the Hightower Lowdown.
From Wall Street to Washington, this monthly newsletter reveals who's doing what to whom and why.
Check it out.
Hightowerlowdown.org.
Okay, that's Jim Hightower.
You can hear Jim Hightower every week, almost, almost every week, right here on the Jimmy Door show.
I'm in Studio with Frank Conniff, Jim Earl, and Robert Yasimura.
And right now, we're going to move to, we're going to get back to when Maria Baromo was talking about what's wrong with our economy.
Well, they also had on former Fed chairman Alan Greenspan.
Now, Alan Greenspan, the only reason, well, first of all, Alan Riemstan is an expert on being a financial failure and smelling like an old guy.
And the only reason he's not in jail right now is because he's too ugly to be anyone's bitch.
So here's what he had to say about what's going to happen in our financial crisis.
First of all, there's a general view out there that we're somehow going to solve this problem without pain.
There is no conceivable scenario in which that is true.
Cutting back on government spending.
You know, when he says, first of all, there's no way we're going to get out of this without pain.
But why do I have a feeling it's going to be working people's pain?
What does he say is pain?
Did he mean like back in the 20s when Wall Street traders were jumping out of windows or in the 1970s when the SLA was burning banks up and down in California?
Does he mean that kind of pain?
Well, he has certainty about that.
He knows there's going to be pain because of the one fact he knows is the fact that he was the federal chair.
Yes, yeah.
So he knows about it.
Sure, sure.
Or he looked the other way out as it was happening.
I think when he means pain, he means like, you know, when old people get sick, they're not going to be able to see a doctor and they're not going to have as much retirement funds or, you know, poor people won't be able to go to school, stuff like that.
I think when he says pain, I think that's what he means.
That's what he means, yeah.
Okay.
I thought he meant window pain.
People are going to be just high.
But by the way, don't worry.
It'll get around to the wealthy eventually.
Well, sure it will.
Sure.
That will head up the ladder eventually.
When you listen to this, and notice how it sounds a lot like Mella Brooks, 2,000-year-old man, when he was doing this.
Yes, yes, I do know it.
All right, let's start this clip over again.
Let's hear what he has to say.
And remember, he's not in jail, but if he was, you know, halfway through his prison sentence, everyone would lose their savings in cigarette default swaps.
Okay.
First of all, there's a general view out there that we're somehow going to solve this problem without pain.
There is no conceivable scenario in which that is true.
Cutting back on government spending will cause some contraction in economic activity.
But according to the IMF, who has done a considerable number of evaluations of related issues, they conclude that increases in taxes do significantly curtail economic activity.
So do expenditure cuts, but significantly less.
So the guy who's been wrong, who guy who was wrong for 15 years, turns out still wrong about everything.
Like easily on its face, he's brought, he said the IMF who studied these things, the IMF, the IMF, that's the people who've been ruining countries left and right around this globe, the IMF.
You see how well the IMF is doing over in Greece and the IMF, the IMF who has consistently always favored banks over people.
Always.
And what?
On every issue.
And he succeeds the bank.
And he's saying that the banks have said that if you tax people, that's going to create a contraction in the economy, but not, but even worse than cutting government spending.
So he says Cut government spending and don't tax people.
His remedy, Alan Greenspan's remedy is to do more of the same.
Do more of what got us into this hole and why anybody listens to this hole ever again.
I have no idea why they let him come up.
Well, this was on Meet the Press, right?
Yes.
Well, I'm sure there was an alternative progressive view.
Let's hear it.
Go ahead, play that clip.
Oh, okay.
Here comes the progressive.
There was actually, there actually was a progressive on this show.
Ready?
You want to hear him?
Yeah.
Harold Ford.
So they had a Democrat.
Harold Ford was the progressive.
Ready?
Here's what Harold Ford had to say.
I'm not going to add heads to the page.
I need to stop being so critical of Wall Street as well.
I mean, Wall Street and Main Street are the same.
See, you have to stop being critical of Wall Street.
That was some incendiary stuff saying that.
You see how he stook up?
He said, Wall Street and Main Street are the same.
Again, just keep the key.
If you just repeat something that's incorrect over and over, it will sink into the psyche, the collective psyche.
And now people take it as fact.
People take it as fact.
Like, well, if you don't have health care, there's something you're irresponsible.
If you don't have a job, it's your fault.
You know, Meet the Press is really just a more sedate, respectable-sounding Fox News.
That's all it is.
It's pretty, yes.
It's like they won't say Hitler.
Right, right.
Stuff like that.
But they spout those theories every week, whether it's about health care or about Wall Street of just defending the conservative point of view.
But as a Democrat, there's Harold Ford, who's a Democrat, going on and say, hey, yeah, you got to stop criticizing Wall Street.
It's a Democrat.
And that's what's wrong with our system right there.
They're the same.
There's no difference between Harold Ford and Joe Scarborough and Maria Bartaromo or the hedge fund manager.
They all live in this pretend bubble.
I bet the Peggy Noonan would probably be a breath of friendship.
Oh, sure.
Get pregnant.
And by the way, on Fox News, they talk about, you know, Hank Williams Jr. had a swift things to say.
He's had some insightful things.
Oh, yeah.
And Sean Hannity said.
Can you imagine Monday Night Football without Hank?
Yes.
Yes, I can.
You know, I really can.
I have no problem imagining Monday Night Football without Hank Williams.
Okay.
You know, weirdly enough, I can't imagine Hank Williams without Monday Night Football.
I can't imagine Hank Williams Jr.
Period.
This is the last week is the first he's been in my consciousness for decades.
He recorded all his albums at N-word Head Road to the Beatles.
Okay, now you get classics.
Now, Jim, I don't know if you were here or but do you remember when we were talking about Pat Robertson?
We have to shift gears.
And I want to remind everybody, if you missed any part of today's show, you can always get a podcast at today's show with all our fanny funny phone recordings and interviews at jimmydoorcomedy.com for free.
You go over there, you get a download of the show for free.
You comment on the episodes.
Everybody's happy.
Okay, right now we're going to shift gears and talk about, now, a couple weeks ago, Jay Tomlinson, we were talking about Pat Robertson.
Somebody wrote in.
They said, hey, my wife has Alzheimer's.
What am I supposed to do?
He advised them, leave your wife, get divorced, because I know how horrible it is when someone has Alzheimer's.
Now, we really gave it to Pat Robertson about that.
We really gave it to him about that.
And my position was, Pat Robertson, that might be the same advice that I would give to a guy, but I don't believe in heaven.
Pat Robertson is supposed to believe in heaven.
In fact, he's a preacher where he says, you know, what God has joined, let no man put asunder.
And then he presides over weddings where he said, do you vow to take care of this person in sickness and in health?
And then he's telling them, you don't really have to do that.
That's just in case everyone stays in sickness, meaning not really sick.
They should add a little addendum, like in sickness and in health, except Alzheimer's, because we all know how bad that is.
So anyway, but I'm not religious.
So I would tell someone, hey, you're going to die in a few years.
That person has Alzheimer's.
They don't know what's going on.
So just go ahead and start.
And you don't have to be lonely for the last couple of years of your life.
That's because I don't believe in heaven.
But if I did, I would tell somebody it's only a couple of years.
You're going to have eternal bliss if you follow God.
It's just a couple of years.
That's what I would tell.
But that's not what Pat Robertson said.
So what Pat Robertson said exposed him for not believing what he claims to believe.
Now, Jay Tomlinson, who's from the Best of the Left, by the way, if you have never heard the Best of the Left podcast, they feature our show on there.
They take some of the best clips of the lefty shows and they put it together.
But let me tell you, it's not just a clip show.
It amounts to a lot more than just a clip show.
They have a theme.
But Daniel Tosh does a good job hosting.
Yes, he really does.
He really does.
He really does.
So if you haven't heard the Best of the Left, they feature our show on there.
I'm always proud and honored to be on that show.
Swing by bestoftheleft.com and check that out.
But right now, here's the problem that Jay had with us talking about Pat Robertson.
Yeah, I mean, basically, it just comes down to tactics because I agree with all of your thoughts on how terrible Pat Robertson is.
And it just comes down to how best do we take down a person like that.
And fundamentally, I believe in attacking people when they say something terrible and giving a person credit when they say something, even if it's for the first time in their entire life to say something thoughtful and humble as I think he did in that comment.
You take that moment to not attack him because then you've left him in a no-win situation.
You attack him when he's wrong and you attack him when he's right.
So then, you know, how legitimate are.
And so what I want to do is use, as you say, when conservatives run into reality, they turn into liberals.
When they're allowed to live in their black and white fantasy world, they can be hard asses because it doesn't affect them or anyone they know.
And as soon as they're personally affected or they're confronted with a personal story like Robertson was with the story about the guy's wife who had Alzheimer's, he suddenly was forced to become a compassionate liberal.
And so that's exactly how I would have framed the argument to, you know, if ridicule is the right word, that's how I would have gone about it, saying, look at Pat Robertson becoming a liberal rather than, you know, giving him crap for it.
Okay.
So yeah, so let me just try it another way.
So let's say Pat Robertson all of a sudden said, you know, I think gay should be allowed to join the military and get married.
We shouldn't condemn him for your saying.
So let's say, well, all of a sudden out of nowhere, he decides to change his mind on that because he has a gay nephew or something.
And he goes, and he changes his mind.
You're saying we shouldn't then beat him up for actually coming around to the right point of view is what you're saying, right?
Well, absolutely.
I mean, the point has been made more than once that, you know, Dick Cheney and George Bush are to the left of Barack Obama on gay marriage.
So, yeah.
Right.
I condemn almost Dick Cheney's entire existence, but I don't condemn him for coming around on gay marriage because he has a gay daughter.
Right.
Okay.
So, and that, and I, uh, I will accept that point.
Uh, that's a good point.
Um, I, what I will say, I will say this is that i just want to make sure people didn't misunderstand me because i think that maybe some people did that i wasn't making i wasn't trying to ridicule the guy in the situation the guy who's married to an alzheimer's victim I wasn't trying to ridicule him or his choice.
I wasn't trying to do that.
I was just trying to ridicule Pat Robertson for seemingly exposing himself for being the biggest hypocrite ever.
And that was my problem.
Like, okay, so now if I use your standard, the standard that you've been shoving down everyone else's throat for the last 40 years, Pat Robertson, or even longer, you're going to prove that you don't believe anything you say.
And that's what I thought.
I felt like, wow, if this doesn't show that Pat Robertson is totally full of it and that he doesn't believe what he says, because now he's saying it showed that he doesn't believe in the vow that you make before God.
He doesn't believe what God, because his whole, and so I told you in my email, we had emails about this, Jay and I. And I told you that I might have given that guy the same advice that Pat Robertson did.
And you thought that was even doubly bad.
My point being, the reason why I thought it was okay for me to give Pat Robertson that give that guy the advice and not Pat Robertson is because I don't believe in heaven.
So if you're married to an Alzheimer's victim, you only have a few years left of your life.
And that person's not there mentally.
So it doesn't make sense for you to be lonely, right?
Right.
Because you only have a few years left of your life.
It's not going to help this person if you're lonely.
So as it turns out, you and I and Pat Robertson all have the same opinion about what should be done in this situation.
And so now we just have to figure out as progressives who want to take down and make completely irrelevant people like Pat Robertson, who are incredibly dangerous and say terrible things all the time.
Do we do what could possibly be perceived as opportunistically change our opinion or as you were doing, you kind of in a comedic sense were holding his feet to the fire by turning his logic around on him.
But to me, it didn't come across as clearly as I know you had hoped.
So what I heard was three or four progressives sitting around a table talking about the sanctity of marriage.
I just thought, well, they don't sound genuine at all.
But they sound like they're serious.
So really, they just are not making the argument they should be making is how it came across to me.
Okay, our thanks to our friend Jay Tomlinson for sitting down with us and correcting the record because if he felt that way, I'm sure there are a lot of other people out there who felt the same way.
But right now, you know what?
Why don't we listen to a little bit of Chris Christie?
I sat down with him.
This is about a week and a half ago.
This is before he decided not to run again.
This is when he was currently not running and just sitting.
People are like, of course the guy's not.
I don't want to say he's averse to exercise, but he took a helicopter to a soccer game and then he took a limo the last hundred yards.
Well, you know, he originally got in that helicopter was because someone told him his policies were pie in the sky.
Wow.
He's a large person.
Yes.
And how does he come down on gay marriage, Frank?
Well, the only same-sex union he ever supported was the one between Ben and Jerry.
He loves ice cream as well.
By the way, I love that the right sabotaged him in advance.
They sabotaged him saying, well, we can't get past the fat issue with our constituency.
It's like, then you have a bad constituency.
Like, we're just making fun of him.
I mean, yeah, I mean, he's for the Defensive Marinara Act.
I think we all know that.
He's a big guy.
He's a big guy.
It's a Frank Tynoff joke.
I had to do it.
You weren't going to do it, Frank.
I set you up for it twice.
He hates pork and loves pork.
And you know what his dismissive remark to the Occupy Wall Street people was?
What?
Let me eat cake.
That's what Chris Christie says.
I want to see his girth certificate.
Wow.
I'm not going to vote for that guy.
I want to see his long-form girth certificate with the jelly stain on it.
I don't want to say he eats large portions of food, but the silverware is all designed by Kloss Oldenburg.
Okay.
I'm going to laugh at that.
I don't know who that is.
I'm going to guess it's a modern artist who creates things that are over gigantic.
There you go.
I knew it.
Who was the guy who put cloth on everything?
Christo.
Christo.
Okay.
There's a Christo joke in there somewhere.
Okay.
Chris Gojo.
Okay.
I sat down with our friend Chris Christie.
Here's what we had to say to each other.
So, Governor Christie, I appreciate you taking time off to talk with us today.
How are things?
Yeah, whatever.
Good.
Okay, now.
I was wondering how I'm trying to get some Republicans' reaction.
How are you coming down on the president's proposal to actually let the Bush tax cuts expire and just go back to their rates that they were in the 90s?
Well, you just, you mean taxing the millionaires?
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Well, no, we don't want to do that, Jimmy Doll.
Why?
You see, the millionaires are job creators.
Don't tax them because then they won't create jobs.
You got to have money to create jobs.
Yeah, but they already have.
Well, see, my point is that when the tax rates were higher under Clinton, the job creators didn't seem to mind then.
They created millions and millions of jobs.
Nah, nah.
I don't need you busting my f ⁇ to gosh for this class warfare question.
I don't know.
Why do you keep saying class warfare?
Well, you listen to this is a big dog.
Why do you ask the people with all the money to give some of it out from the country?
That's class welfare.
I don't understand what somehow they understand about that.
Well, what do you call it when at the same time you're cutting taxes for the wealthy that you're cutting money for women, children, and the elderly?
What do you call that?
I call it responsible deficit reduction.
Well, how will cutting money for Medicare and education create jobs?
Well, no, it's not going to.
No, it will not.
But it does make us feel good to sh on the poor again.
Am I right or what?
Hey.
Why do you hate the poor and the middle class so much?
I don't hate the poor, the middle class.
Okay, I do hate the poor.
They stink.
What's the middle class?
I'm middle class.
What are you talking about?
I don't hate the middle class.
I'm talking about middle class, like teachers and firemen and cops.
Those are the people you've been, you know, hurting the most.
They got to work harder.
But they just want handouts.
They want to retire when they're 40 years old.
And they want to make $4 million a year, the pension.
We're going to find a donate.
No, they just want to make a decent living like they've always made.
That's all.
No, they want more of that.
No, but there's another one.
They want to smear their body with caviar and roll around the ground and have Roman orgies.
So, I mean, what do you say about a system, our capitalistic system, that is creating winners and losers now?
It used to be like everyone used to be able to win.
That's always a capitalist.
It's always been that way.
Just winners and losers.
No, no, there's always a lot of people.
Don't be momentum so people get gapped.
No, it's not how it used to be.
We used to be that, you know, we created a middle class in this country, which made us different than a lot of other countries.
And we had a lot of worker protections, and we had Social Security and then Medicare so people didn't go bankrupt as I got older.
And now you guys want to get rid of all those things that seem to be the thing that made our country better than other countries.
Why is that?
When my family came to this country, my mother's family, of course.
My father's Irish.
Well, my mother's family, the Saradosas, they were in the olive oil business.
There was another family, the Taratonas.
They're also in the olive oil business.
But our family, shall we say, outlived the other family.
And they had all of the olive oil business.
That's capitalism.
There were winners, and then there were losers.
The Tower Tallers, there were losers.
And they were all dead.
Yeah, I get it.
But it's always been that way.
When does it lose us?
So you don't think that people turn to government to have government kind of solve their problems and kind of make the...
They don't do it too much.
We can't be doing that.
No, that's what people want from their government, don't you think?
They want them to because their system is rich.
Why should the government have to fix potholes when it's a personal responsibility to fix your own suspension?
No, no, that's not.
I'm talking about all the money that's going, that's being funneled upward in this society right now, right?
So you're cutting all the money that goes to help people.
That's like a tornado.
That's a very powerful thing.
Yes.
Yes, and it's all going upwards, right?
So the upper- Isn't that amazing?
Isn't that something we would want to have?
No.
But it's so beautiful.
It's the power of nature.
Okay.
All right, Governor Christie, this is not what I'm...
So you don't have, do you have a plan to try to help people to get back on their feet?
Do you have a plan for working people to get jobs?
Do you have a plan?
Yes, it's the cut tax.
We've said it over and over.
We're going to cut taxes.
Yeah, I guess.
The corporate, the capitalist class will have more money.
And they will make more jobs.
Guess what they do?
And there'll be more jobs for people.
And we're also going to make it.
We're going to try to make every place a right to work state.
So you can hire people without having to be union members.
Yeah, I know, but that's going to drive wages down, which will actually hurt people even more.
Don't you think?
But it'll get more jobs in the United States.
Yeah, but they're not the kind of jobs we want.
Beggars can't be choosers.
Okay.
And these people are literally beggars.
Yeah, I know.
That's what's happening.
They're being turned into beggars.
I know.
And that's what I'm saying.
What's your plan to change that?
People being turned into beggars.
Yeah.
Round them up, put them on a ranch.
I don't know.
I'm going to get to that level.
It's not my problem anymore.
Okay.
Okay, we're going to thank Governor Chris Christie for sitting down with us.
And right now, I want to let you know next Thursday, October 13th at Flappers in Burbank, California, we're doing a special show called Say No to Walmart and Burbank.
And if you want to get tickets, it's a stand-up show.
It's going to be hilarious.
I'll be there.
Rick Overton will be there.
Eddie Pepitone, David Feldman.
It's a great show.
Paul Gilmartin will be there.
It's the say no to Walmart Show in Burbank.
And don't forget, next Saturday, October 15th in Hollywood at the Nerd Melt Theater, 7522 Sunset Boulevard.
It's left, right, and ridiculous.
We'll see you there.
Okay, today's show was written by Jim Earl, Robert Yasamura, and Frank Conniff and Mike McRae and Steph Zamarano.
And don't forget, you can always get a podcast of the Jimmy Door show for free at iTunes or at JimmyDoorComedy.com.
You can listen to the shows, download them for free, and comment on the episodes.
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