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Oct. 10, 2019 - The Delingpod - James Delingpole
01:01:48
Delingpod 40: Dick & James at Podcast Live
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Time Text
I love Dellingpole.
Go and subscribe to the podcast, baby.
I love Dellingpole.
Unless another time subscribe with me.
I love Dellingpole.
Go and subscribe to the podcast, baby.
I love Dellingpole.
Let's pick it up for James Dellingpole and the DeliPod.
Thank you.
I like that.
I like that.
Now, as you know, in live situations, we always do a practice one, and that was rubbish.
You need to do much better for the real one.
It's Podcast Live, and it's the Delling Pod with James Dellingpole!
Wow.
And Dick!
Wow.
Welcome to the Dellingpod with me, James Dellingpole, and my guest, Dick Dellingpole.
Hello.
Dick, I think you were expecting about 25 people.
30 tops.
This is absolutely terrifying, but really lovely to see you all.
So thanks ever so much for making the effort to come here.
I've done the math, and I reckon there are at least 111 people here.
Which is really good.
111T, that's a reference to a game.
A game that we're going to have a bit.
We've got so much fun today planned for you.
So many games.
In fact, I'm not even sure we're going to need the game that I announced beforehand unless anyone's been asked to actually bring somebody who's semi-famous.
So can I just inquire?
Has anyone decided to play the semi-celebro-famo- Frendo game?
Has anyone brought anyone who they think might be slightly famous?
Tragically, one of my Worcester group who have come up today has had to drop out, but he once beat Bjork at Connect Four.
And he was pretty much going to be the star turner.
We were going to trump whatever you turned up with, with Adam.
So a shout out to Adam who can't be here, but gosh, what fame.
But it is a relief, isn't it, that we didn't sort of...
Build the whole show around people bringing somebody semi-famous along.
Dick, I wanted you to ask me how I'm feeling.
How are you feeling, brother?
I'm feeling, Dick, thank you for asking.
I'm feeling a mixture of extreme excitement and sadness.
Let me tell you about the extreme excitement first.
I've heard...
I've heard rumours that the special friend might be here.
The special friend?
Yeah.
No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
First of all, I want to find out, hands up here, who doesn't know about the special friend?
That's pretty exciting in itself because that means that these people...
That means they're special friends we haven't yet met.
Special friends we haven't yet...
No, no, careful.
The special friend honorific.
This is exciting because it means that there are people discovering the show for the first time.
Now, this is the really exciting part.
Will the special friend put up the special friend's hand?
Put your hand up if you are the special friend.
Yeah, you see?
They are legion.
That's a bit awkward, isn't it?
Yeah.
Because we know, we know, and we've repeatedly told the special friend, the special friend is the only special friend.
But luckily, luckily, I've been thinking, because I suspected this might be the case, and I was thinking, either the special friend could identify as Sam Smith, in which case they are plural, But that might be quite offensive.
I really hate Sam Smith.
I mean, not in a kind of nasty lefty people on Twitter kind of way.
I don't want him killed.
You're not transphobic, are you?
I think I am.
I think I might be.
I'm certainly Sam Smith-phobic.
I think he did...
Sorry, they.
They.
They did the crappest James Bond film.
Oh, was that her?
Him.
Him.
There.
There.
They did the crappest James Bond theme tune ever.
I had no idea what he sang until then.
It was just like, I'm so sensitive and...
I don't know.
I've actually erased it from my memory already.
It's that bad.
But what I thought was, because I'm quite down with the internet and stuff, and I've looked at those pictures that people have, and they're called avatars, aren't they?
They are.
Yeah.
So I think that there is only one special friend, but the special friend has many avatars.
Yeah.
And looking around at the special friend and Zare here, the avatar, I can see that special friend is very beautiful and very wise and at once very manly and yet very feminine, very special in every way.
How do you think special friend would let other special friend know that they are the special friend?
Wow, that's interesting, Jake.
What possible means, what badgular means could be used.
Badgular means...
Funnily enough, I have got...
A design that I sent to our insect overlords in China.
And this is genuinely the scribble I thought would be a nice little design because this is where I keep all my notes for the podcasts and notes for work and notes for real life and painting ideas and all that sort of stuff.
But that was the sketch and the badges came through.
Two or three days ago.
It was amazing.
I'm so lucky to have Dick as my brother because imagine if I tried to draw the design for the special friend badge.
I mean, it would be like Homer Simpson designing a car, wouldn't it?
Which is kind of awesome in its own way.
Yeah, it is kind of awesome.
But I think your badge is better than Homer Simpson's car.
So anyway, the long and the short of it is we've got these badges which are cunningly crafted to look like red pills.
Really?
In case you didn't get it.
In case you didn't get the really obvious reference of the whole Matrix thing.
And so you get to show other people that you are of sound mind and that you support the DellingPod.
Now, podcasts are free.
Everyone knows it.
Freedom isn't.
Freedom bloody isn't.
Freedom isn't free.
Bloody expensive.
What we're going to be doing is selling these to you.
It's going to be a suggested minimum donation of 20 quid.
And you get on the list and you get the first of the limited edition special friend badges.
And I've lovingly hand created these cards for them, which...
Thank you and give you a unique number.
But they're great little things.
I'm particularly proud of how they've come out.
And some child in China will be very grateful that you put the business their way.
They've got nimble little fingers, you see.
They can put them into packets and their skills should not be underestimated.
Talking about the insect overlords, I did a podcast.
We could move on to that quite soon.
What we're going to do is we're going to decamp to the cafe downstairs afterwards so you can all sort of come and mill around and it can be more chaotic and you can say hi and we can...
Talk about things that we can't cover here.
So after this, Dan, the cafe, my place.
But given that the Celebro semi-famo game was completely tanked, should we do a quick skim through through the last few podcasts so that we can digress?
We can bring that earlier.
I thought that was normally a later thing.
It's like when you're Led Zeppelin, do you come on and do you play Stairway to Heaven straight away?
I think you don't really, do you?
I think it's a bit cruel.
I hate it when fans do that.
I think you come on to the Immigrant Song.
That would be much better.
Yeah, you do the Immigrant Song.
And when does Battle of Evermore come in?
Mid, when the lull is going to happen.
Yeah, the lull.
But let's not get sidetracked too much.
Funnily enough, I tend to be called upon every ten podcasts, and I make a list of what has happened in the previous ten, and it always seems to come out to exactly ten.
It's not planned that way.
Nothing is planned in the pod.
You cannot believe how chaotic James really is in IRL. Tell them about the carriage that we chose to discuss the podcast on the way here.
James timed it so we got here with a good half hour to spare, which is great, because most of you probably arrived with an hour and a half to spare.
So we had to get friends to get us coffee and all of this.
We rushed for the train at Banbury, which we'd had to drive to at great speed.
Carriage is absolutely rampacked, as Jeremy Corbyn would have described it.
And we managed to find a single carriage to sort out the podcast.
Sat down, looked at the window, and it said, quiet carriage.
Because you're a kind of slave of the rules.
We just didn't do it.
I would have been all for talking.
You jabbed at the time.
Yeah, I pointed it, but only so that we could break the rule, break the law.
Anyway, go on.
So, talk about the pods.
Do we want to start with oldest first, moving to most recent?
Don't care.
Okay, oldest first.
Dr.
Rex Fleming.
He was good.
CO2 heretic.
Yeah, he was good, and it's quite interesting, and I'm going to write a story about this.
Rex Fleming is this American climate scientist who said, well, it's all bollocks, basically.
And he's written a book about it.
And the book, which is being published by a German publisher, has now been suppressed.
The German publisher has refused to do any more reprints because there's been pressure from the German greenies and stuff.
Right, who are obviously very strong.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, the Germans invented it.
Climate change, didn't they?
The Germans invented the whole Green Movement, didn't they?
A particular group of Germans.
A particular German-Austrian whose name will not be mentioned.
I can't remember.
No, he's mentioned later on.
Next up, Dr.
Craig Wright, in brackets, Bitcoin.
Well, Craig Wright, it's quite interesting.
I'm not sure how...
Yeah, well, quite.
How legally I can...
Go on that one.
I read a story about him in the papers saying that he'd basically taken all the Bitcoin of his colleague when he had quite a lot of Bitcoin and that he's now being sued for their return.
Well, you're not averse to controversial guests.
No, no, no.
Next up, of course, Darren Grimes.
Oh, I love Darren.
Darren's a sweetie, isn't he?
If I were not married, I would marry young Darren.
I think he's a very sweet, nice boy.
And he'd be very lucky.
And he's very brave.
You would be very lucky, yeah.
That's true.
Next up, Dr.
Ruth Lee.
Ruth Lee.
We love Ruth Lee.
She was great.
Yeah, economist.
She was so sound about what Ruth Lee said.
And Ruth really knows her stuff.
Ruth said she thought it was odds on we're going to get a no-deal Brexit.
And I think we can all agree...
Oh, can we, though?
No, we can agree it's what we want.
Do we agree it's what we want?
Yeah.
Yes, says the special friend, unanimously.
Right down to the wire.
We still do not know what Boris is doing.
When I looked at the date of this podcast, I thought, well, it'll all be clear by then.
We'll know...
Yeah, okay.
Come on, I can't be the only one who thought there might be a glimmer of hope.
But, yeah, obviously the situation is what it is.
And we won't know right up until the day.
No, we won't.
Hopefully.
I think we're all secretly hoping Boris has got some blinder up his sleeve.
Except you know him.
He's your friend.
Yeah, I know.
I just think all the other...
All the rival, the evil rival podcasts are going to be talking about this, aren't they?
Oh, yeah.
They're going to be talking about this.
They're not going to do the same...
They're not going to do it in the...
No, that's a good point.
Yeah.
Andy...
No.
Andy Ngo.
Andy Ngo, who got attacked by Antifa in Portland.
Probably the most...
Do we think the most evil town in the world?
The most woke town in the world.
The most horrible woke dump.
I mean, I... Have any of you ever been to Portland?
No.
Wow, a few of you.
Is it nice?
No, it's got lots of...
I think it potentially should be nice.
I mean, it's got a great location and it's sort of like got the Rockies and stuff like that.
Has it?
Well, it's north, north, north.
I've been to Oregon.
I once went on a sort of in search of Oregon Pinot Noir, which is very jammy, apparently.
And it was like...
What's that film?
It's a very James approach to going to Oregon.
What's that film where they go the wine sideways?
It was like that.
I was going to say deliverance.
Yeah.
Was it more like that?
It was more like Deliverance.
I'm getting my states mixed up.
Tom Holland.
Superman.
Spider-Man.
Yeah.
What?
No, no, no.
Yeah, Tom was great.
I've got in brackets Christianity.
His book is really good, even though you think it's really boring, a book about Christianity.
The problem being that...
That the essence of Christianity is like turning the other cheek, which you think is not really exciting.
It's kind of lame-o, isn't it, really?
But actually...
But actually quite nice.
Well, yeah, quite nice, yes.
But also kind of weird.
When you look about the history of Christianity and how it came about, and that phrase you hear, the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church, and you realise it really was about people dying horribly, like being eaten by lions and stuff, for this...
So you have a religion that was, at its essence, about kind of being nice, which is taken for granted but underrated, I suppose.
Yes.
When you consider the alternatives.
But a bit communist as well.
I mean, I do worry about that element of Christianity.
Jesus was basically a communist.
And...
The worrying point that Tom makes about things like, well, Extinction Rebellion and the environmental movement is that they are essentially using the Jesus playbook about victimhood and stuff and the first should be last and the last should be first.
So in other words, Jesus is bad as well as good.
Yeah, but they hate all religion, don't they?
Christopher Hope, who is in this building right now, presumably, if not hiding in the audience.
No, I think he said he was going to come to my podcast if I came to his.
But he's not here.
So that means I can meet my special friend afterwards instead of having to go to his podcast.
Well, you had him on your show.
He was very good, but it was so funny that you could push him to the point in which you wanted him to say something ever so slightly outrageous, but he played safe every time.
I've realised it.
We were having this conversation last night, weren't we?
That I am dead.
In the mainstream media now.
They will not use me.
And in a way, I brought this upon myself.
But I don't think of myself as...
Anyone here think I'm extreme?
I think I'm really, really reasonable.
It's not me that's unreasonable.
It's the way that the mainstream media has gone really, really left and politically correct.
Well, considering you started on most of those papers, but they now barely touch you with a barge ball.
This is why we're having to flog badges to fund your life.
So, yeah, please.
I think this would be a good point to mention.
One of your great inventions, libertarian drinks.
Libertarian drinks.
And I'm particularly proud of libertarian drinks, because I've got the theory that you shouldn't moan about your situation if you can do something about it.
And I was getting bored of the people I was drinking with in Worcester.
And I thought, actually, the people I really want to be drinking with in the pub is my Twitter friends, because I've got thousands of them.
And I'm thinking, how good would it be if Twitter wasn't a virtual pub, but it was a real pub?
So I kind of put out the call, said, look, I'm going to be at such and such a pub in Worcester, Wetherspoons, as it happens.
Why not come and join me for a drink?
And the first one, I think, from like 18, turned up.
And every single one of them was completely sound.
You could pretty much guarantee they were Brexiteers.
Some of them came from the left, some from the right.
But you knew you were on safe ground.
So all those were givens.
And you just talk about other stuff.
And it's been great.
It's about its fourth or fifth month now.
I'm thinking that it should be syndicated nationally.
The idea that if you turn up to a certain pub on a certain night, your friends will be there.
And if you don't yet know them, you know you'll already get on with them.
So there's a bunch of the Worcester libertarians.
Libertarians don't like being called libertarians because it's really un-libertarian to call yourself libertarian.
You get the picture.
A few of them are here today, so thanks for them coming.
Watch out for the syndicated version of Libertarian Drinks.
Are you going to be very rich, Dick, with this idea?
No, it's going to make no one any money.
I see barriers to entry here.
I'm going to be like Berners-Lee or whatever.
I'm going to invent something brilliant and someone else is going to make money.
You're going to give it away.
Well, well done.
I think that's very selfless of you.
It is.
I agree.
One of the joys, in fact the only joy about my otherwise miserable existence and my crap career, where I didn't become a hedge fund manager, is the people that I've met who've become my special friend.
It's really, really lovely.
And I think the fact is that we outnumber the other side.
There are more of us than there are.
Well, you only realise that when you start getting together with the other people.
Well, like libertarian drinks, you realise you're not alone, and I think that's the one thing we found when we had those drinks.
My God, it's so good to have a few others who think like this around me, because you're led to believe that you're a freak with these ideas if you're sort of slightly challenged the ideas of global warming, or you kind of think Brexit is a good idea, or you don't think Donald Trump should be hanged.
Do you know who one of the exciting people I've met, Dick, through the course of my right-wingery?
He's got a beard.
He's got a beard.
He's got a beard, and he is the surprise special guest.
You're going to do that now?
Well, why not?
Do it.
Do you think not?
You do it.
Yeah, and I just think...
We're only halfway through your list of previous guests.
Yeah, but I'm worried.
Dick, I'm worried.
I'm just slightly worried.
If I... Don't bring him on.
He will stay in the wings.
What if we miss our slot?
I don't know who's coming on next.
Unless we go through the last three very quickly.
Stuart Patterson, China.
I haven't listened to that yet.
Oh, it's good.
You'll really educate yourself.
China.
Very briefly.
China, the worst thing that happened in all our lives, literally the worst thing, was exactly three months to the day after 9-11, And it was China's accession to the WTO, which totally ruined the global economy and is the reason that we're all finding it hard to make a living, why we can't afford houses.
Everything that's wrong in the world is basically the fault of us letting China into WTO. And if you don't believe me, listen to that podcast if you haven't already, because it's amazing.
But one thing to be said for China coming in...
If China hadn't come into WTO, we wouldn't have been able to make the special friend badges.
They'd probably have to be made in Birmingham.
No, they would.
It was amazing.
What would we have done before China came in?
How would we have got badges made?
Where would we have got our cheap plastic shit from?
What, cheap metal shit?
No, expensive metal.
Don't do a random on our product.
No, they're not cheap plastic shit, but they do buy a lot of cheap plastic shit from China.
They're very special.
In fact, that shiny gold stuff is actually real gold.
Real gold.
Yeah.
Okay.
DC Miller.
DC Miller.
Interesting chap.
The mystery character who was in that video.
You remember the chap standing outside?
Holding up a sign saying, protect free speech.
And it was a load of artists, and I'm ashamed to be an artist at times like this, because they were trying to close down an exhibition that was displaying right-wing memes.
And so obviously that can't go ahead.
It's the art world.
Everything has to be of the left.
So check that one out.
And then Douglas Murray.
Never heard of him.
I don't know who he is.
Douglas Murray.
No, he was mildly diverting, but a bit of a lightweight and probably not the intellectual level that we're looking at for this podcast.
I think we've raised the tone today with you, Dick.
You want to get your slot?
Yeah, I think.
Why not?
Bring him on.
Go on.
I'd like to welcome on stage our surprise guest who you didn't know was coming because I'd completely forgotten as well.
I asked him about like two or three months ago and he rang me yesterday and said, do you still want me to do this thing?
I said, yeah, or what?
And so I'm really excited.
I mean, because this is a real treat.
So come on to the stage.
What's he called?
Douglas...
Dominic Frisbee.
Dominic Frisbee.
Whoa!
Hello.
Hello, everyone.
Hello.
Is it on?
What?
You're going to play there.
You're going to-- Ah, you're not going to say any more than that.
Oh, I see.
I thought you just announced whatever your song is.
I mean, because everyone...
Oh, no, we can do.
Actually, Dominic, I tell you what.
What's interesting about these badges, these special friend badges, is that we are going to list them using an early version of blockchain.
And as a Bitcoin expert, you'd understand what we're doing here.
Every person who buys one of these special badges is going to have their name Entered into a sort of paper register type thing, and they're going to be numbered, which is a bit like how blockchain works, isn't it?
Yeah, sort of, yeah.
Analog blockchain.
And permanent.
Analog blockchain.
And also, actually, what's also interesting, there is going to be probably a secondary market But people who want to trade their badges, which are going to be very, very valuable one day, are going to have to contact us to say who they're selling this to, which vouches for the authenticity of the...
I'm very impressed, James.
And what you've, basically, you've debunked a myth.
All the blockchain is, is a database.
Yeah, well, actually, now I've got you.
Do you, because I, my clever brother, I mean, sorry, no, you know, the special uber talented brother.
Who wasn't meant to be here.
I don't know whether you're here, Charlie.
No, of course he's not.
Is that making millions?
I thought he was going to be here.
Mystery Brother, who is the entrepreneur genius of the family, really can't get at all excited about blockchain.
He just says, meh.
Is he right?
Well, he's missed the greatest money-making opportunity any of us have ever seen in our lifetime.
No, but he's worth more than we are.
Well, he still missed an incredible money-making opportunity.
Honestly, dummy, doesn't he?
Okay, well, whatever.
But anyway, did you make any money out of it?
No, because mine all got nicked.
I mean, I've done okay out of it.
I'm not poor or anything, but I should be Mr.
Trillionaire and mine all got nicked years and years ago.
It will happen, it will happen.
I'll tell you when it will happen.
Yeah.
When your show, Libertarian Love Songs...
That's what's going to make me rich.
Goes on the road.
No, I hear this.
I hear that you're doing really, really good stuff.
Alex, our cameraman who is here, was saying, Dom is totally on a roll right now.
He's done amazing things.
He did three shows.
He's so hot right now?
What?
The phrase is, he's so hot right now.
It's a Zoolander thing.
Okay, you're so hot right now.
Thank you, Jack.
You're so hot right now.
Blue Steel?
What's Blue Steel?
It's the look.
Oh, my God.
Oh, okay.
You did three shows on the Edinburgh Fringe.
I actually did four.
You did four shows, and they were apparently amazing.
They were all good in their own different ways.
It's not really for me to say, but they had quite good reviews on edfringe.com, you know, good user reviews.
Right.
Despite your being kind of not left-wing.
How did you cope with that?
It was hard.
That's hard.
It's very hard in the end.
Like, we're making a video next week, and I need a bloke to play my Remainer mate, and I need a bloke to play my Leaver mate, and so I've called up all my comedian Remainer mates to ask them to play my Remainer mate, and I've got slightly what you've got.
None of them will touch it with the barge pole.
They're all going, yeah, yeah, you're my mate and stuff, and we go back a long way, but sorry.
Yeah.
Because you're soiled goods.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think there's any way...
For example, I was thinking of doing a roadshow, when we get really big, called James and Dick, or Dick and James, whatever.
Dick and James talk shit around Britain.
Something like that.
The world.
You can work on the marketing.
Dick and James go to Portland.
Yeah.
Yeah, that kind of stuff.
And I was thinking, if we went north of the wall, we'd just get taken apart, wouldn't we?
No, they're allies.
We have allies.
Do we?
Anyone here from north of the wall?
You can tell they're wildlings just by the look of them.
We've got Mark Miller on site.
He likes us.
Oh, and Alkan Omega.
Who?
On Twitter.
Alkan Omega, he's a surgeon, secretly, in Scotland.
And he's on our side.
Don't forget Adam Smith.
Adam Smith, yeah.
Dead, unfortunately, but he's a great ally.
And Cooperthwaite.
Yeah, Cooperthwaite, Calberthwaite.
Yeah.
Who was the subject of another podcast, but that's a long time ago.
Do you think you should do your song?
Okay, I'll do my song.
You've got a song.
Now, this song has lots and lots of verses and it can go on and on and on.
And so I'll just do a few and see how we go.
Okay, right, right, right.
And it's a song that gets bigger as time goes on.
And it's called Maybe.
Maybe.
They said he was a fascist, an Islamophobic yob, a violent an Islamophobic yob, a violent white supremacist leading a far-right mob.
Maybe.
They took away his platform For spreading hate and more This loathsome football hooligan This breaker of the law This disturber of the peace must be shut up But...
Maybe Tommy Robinson's got a point Yes, maybe Tommy Robinson's got a point.
About prison culture, child rape gangs and terrorism too.
The overlooked white working classes champion through and through.
Maybe Tommy Robinson's got a point.
Do you want more?
Thank you.
Thank you.
They said he's a misogynist.
A liar and a cheat.
An alt-right sexual predator uncontrolled and indiscreet.
Of colluding with the enemy and treason he's accused.
Of sexual misconduct, of distributing fake news.
A narcissistic bullying national threat.
Yet...
Maybe Donald Trump is not all bad.
I know the very thought will make you mad, but employment is up, taxes are down, he's talking to North Korea.
Didn't bomb Iran, doesn't like Sadiq Khan, is there really all that to fear?
Maybe Donald Trump is not all bad.
More, more, more.
Thank you.
They said that the world over It is trusted and admired Truthful and impartial And at times even inspired Its many finest moments Oh,
so fondly we recall This cherished national treasure That is loved by one and all It educated, it informed, it entertained All the same Maybe we should rethink the BBC. Why do we need state-supplied TV? It's oh so pious and riddled with bias.
Could its programmes be any blander?
Don't watch it, you say.
You've still got to pay for this centrist propaganda.
Why should the licence fee be mandatory?
APPLAUSE No, I think what we'll do...
OK, one more now.
They said she was a strategist Of judgement, sound and true Experienced and competent Consistent through and through Though lacking in charisma, she is forceful and refined.
A strong and stable leader for these dark and dangerous times.
This shrewd operator has it so well planned.
On the other hand...
Thank the Lord Theresa May has gone.
Christ, she just went on and on and on.
Her Brexit's insane, incompetence reigns, it's chaos unabated.
Never says what she thinks about anything, it's like she's automated.
Thank the Lord, Theresa May has gone.
I'm...
How many more verses are there?
Okay.
Can we...
I love that so much, and so does the special friend, I can tell.
Can we have the last two more verses?
Can we have them as a sort of show closer?
Yeah.
I mean, they're in that same league, aren't they?
Obviously.
Yeah, they're okay.
The very last one's controversial, but...
Oh, no!
Oh, I think you'll be on board with it.
No, I don't know.
I don't know, Dom.
No, this crowd's quite sensitive.
Dick, what about the green cards?
We've got plenty to get through.
So much.
Well, at least four things.
No, no, so much stuff.
So much stuff.
But I don't think I'm going to quite outdo Dominic.
It was so good.
So, yeah.
Yeah, but enough praise.
He's setting the bar very high.
Time.
And he's so hot right now.
Can I just do one thing?
Oh, yeah, do one thing.
I'm doing my show, Libertarian Love Songs, in London on Brexit Day.
LAUGHTER We did 17 million fuck-offs, if any of you have seen that as well.
So I'm doing that on Brexit Day, then November 1st and November 2nd at the Museum of Comedy in London.
When we do the show, it's not just me on the ukulele, we've got one of the best jazz pianists in Europe.
On keyboards.
You said jazz?
Jazz.
I did say jazz, unfortunately.
And here's the really controversial thing.
He's a Remainer as well.
But nevertheless, he's got over his prejudices.
And so we've got brilliant music and a really good drummer.
And so we've got a really good band, the Gilets Jaunes, they're called.
Excellent.
And so with a full band, the show's just fantastic.
So if you're free on any of those days, please come.
So you want to stay on the stage, I think.
Well, I can do.
No, no, I think you should.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'll stay out of the...
So Dick's got some excitement.
I've come up with Dick Facts, and because I'm a graphic designer, I've made special little cards that got Dick Facts printed on the back.
And it was a way of introducing kind of ideas that I've had.
Dick Facts may not be true.
That's the caveat here.
I don't want to be taken to court.
I should run them past you just in case.
Okay.
The letters MP after Ed Davies' name stands for Maris Piper.
That is a fact.
Can I start with the letter or not?
That will be, yeah.
That is a fact.
Dominic Grieve has worked so hard for his country that they have awarded him the Légion d'honneur.
But...
In the legal profession, I don't know if there's any lawyers here who could confirm this, but the term for an unwelcome or embarrassing erection is a jollion.
That is true.
That is true.
He's got a jollion.
The silent version of the Greta Thunberg doll is outselling the talking one by a ratio of 20 to 1.
Fact.
Fact.
They're all facts so far, Dick.
1970s children's TV character, Jess Phillips, was modelled on Birmingham Yardley MP, Pig from Pipkins.
I watched that as you did.
To confirm it, yes.
Who remembers Pipkins?
Pipkins.
Pipkins.
It's Pig.
Partly.
No, I'm your MP. I am.
We shouldn't mock our roots, actually, because we are technically both Brummies.
Yeah, yeah.
I think that gives us a kind of horny-handed son of toil.
Edgy.
Edginess, yeah.
A couple more of these.
Respected media figure Owen Jones recently avoided...
Oh, no, wait.
Recently avoided a more serious assault from some burly men by beating them off one by one.
True.
Finally, Femi Sorry is not only the anti-Brexit activist Femi Uwale's Twitter name, but also the brand of sanitary towels used by Canadian President Justin Trudeau.
So those are the dick facts, and I think you can check those up, and most of them are vaguely true.
Can I just suggest, Dick, that you put all those onto Wikipedia?
On the relevant pages?
Yes, enter them onto the relevant pages and see how long they last.
Seconds, I would imagine.
Before we forget, I'd just like to cover...
I mentioned the Libertarian drinks, and we have here with us a very talented lady from the Worcester Libertarian drinks.
So talented.
She is a special friend.
She is called Dorinda, and she turned up on the first session with this board game and said, I've made this.
See what you think.
Very self-effacing and modest about it, but it's bloody brilliant.
And it's over here, and it's called...
Play your victim card.
It's a little bit...
It's a little bit homemade at the moment, but it's got great potential.
And if anyone from Mattel or any of the big games are here today...
Hasbro.
Hasbro.
I'm sure they'd want to...
Hasbro.
Hasbro.
And if the mystery bro was here...
The one with...
Finance.
Which made this game happen.
It kind of looks like that at the moment.
There's red pills and blue pills.
And as you progress through the board on sort of monopoly-like pieces, everyone's issued with a victim card at the beginning of the game.
Now, you can play that victim card during the game or keep it to the end.
And it is then worth several millionty pounds from the bank...
From the bank of Diane Abbott.
Dick.
Dick.
Yeah.
We'll take turns to read some of them out.
We'll take turns to read some of them out.
We'll give some to Dom and some to you and some to me.
I will give a small handful of the red cards to Dom and he can pick some at random.
So the red cards, obviously, you've landed on it and a good thing has happened.
So if you take it in turns to just read a couple, you get some of the blue pills, which are the bad things that have happened.
So Dom, if you start...
You are charged with a hate crime for asking whether a colleague...
For asking a colleague whether her new baby is a boy or a girl.
I haven't finished yet.
Oh, good.
Miss a turn while you attend unconscious bias training.
This is from the blue pill section.
You laugh at a sketch on the MASH report.
Miss a turn.
You throw things at the TV when the Archbishop of Canterbury comes on.
Don't worry, this is completely normal.
Move forward two spaces.
LAUGHTER And this is from the Blue Pills again.
You amputate your own leg to meet the criteria for a job at the BBC. And they still turn you down for being too privileged.
Miss a turn.
Do you want to do one?
No, I think you get the general idea.
Let me just read this one out.
The thing is, they're all so good.
We were looking for some good ones last night, but they're all good.
It's gold.
It's total gold.
You appear on Mastermind, and your specialist subject is the success of the British Empire.
LAUGHTER Move forward two spaces.
LAUGHTER We'll just do one more.
This is the blue pill.
Elton John loans you his private jet so your holidays are actually good for the planet.
Move back two spaces.
Play your victim card.
That is just a fantastic total goal.
There's a whole Edinburgh show in that.
Well, one of the games I've got lined up, which I've been dying to do, and if we don't do it now, we'll probably miss the...
It's not the Yes No game, is it?
It's a variation on, but we've still got Yes No game lined up.
It's called MP or Star Wars Character.
Oh, we can both play this.
Yeah.
So, if we could start off with this.
It's self-explanatory, but let's launch straight into it.
Lembit Opik.
I think he was Lando Karusian.
You'd think, wouldn't you?
Apparently he was an MP. Gail Akbar.
That's got to be Star Wars.
Yeah, I guess so.
That's Admiral Ackbar's name.
The fish thing that goes, it's a trap!
Sim Alu.
It's going to be one of those northern Labour MPs?
No, Star Wars.
Cassian Andor.
I'd like to think that was a Tory MP, but it's not, is it?
Well, there's been...
I've got to...
I'm going...
Cathy Nando.
It sounds like...
I'm going to have to hurry you.
Okay, Tory.
No, Star Wars.
Guto Beb.
That is the most Star Wars character who is, in fact, I know this MP. He's a Remainer.
He's the one who inspired the whole game.
Yep, yep.
Sadly, sadly an MP. Kirsteen Hare.
SNP. I think she probably is.
She's an MP, but probably a low form of MP, i.e.
SNP. Tobias Beckett.
That's not a Star Wars name.
I'm afraid it is.
Oh, my God!
Now, don't rush on this one.
Jar Jar Binks.
Jar Jar Binks.
I've seen his...
Labour MP for Lib Dem.
He's very active on Twitter.
Yeah, Lib Dem.
We're a hobhouse.
There you go.
Probably...
MP. Somebody from her constituency.
Or she's here.
Or she's here.
Oh, my God, that would be embarrassing.
Are you in fact...
What's he called?
We're a hobhouse.
Are you We're a hobhouse?
No, she's a...
Oh, right, okay, so, yeah.
LAUGHTER She's a Remainer.
This is a good one.
Emma Little Pengelly.
I'm going with MP. Yeah, she's an MP. Preet Gill.
Oh, that's a real whatever, googly, isn't it?
I'm going with Star Wars.
Cricket.
MP. Yeah.
Ezra Bridger.
There will be an MP, so we can attempt to go Star Wars.
Star Wars, yep.
Thang Nam Debonair.
Star Wars.
Salacious B. Crumb.
I think that's probably Star Wars.
Isn't that the Chancellor?
Yeah.
I think something like that, yeah.
What, the Chancellor of the Exchequer?
Yeah.
Sounds like the name of a Chancellor.
I think that's kind of racist.
No, salacious.
It was the greed for money.
It's got nothing to do with race, James.
Don't you try and slur me.
I can't believe you get racist onto this show.
I'm really embarrassed, actually.
You think you know someone?
I think this is a non-racist event, non-homophobic, non-gender-phobic thingy.
Transphobic.
That's the one, isn't it?
Yeah.
Let's move on.
Ed Miliband.
Star Wars, definitely.
Has to be.
Has to be.
Wish.
Biggs Darklighter.
God, it should so be an MP. Whoever he was, I would vote for Biggs.
I would vote for that, yeah.
Jango Fett.
It's Guto Beb's brother, isn't it?
Or cousin or something like that.
Yeah.
We're nearly there.
Samgina?
Samgina?
Samgina is definitely from Star Wars.
Star Wars, yeah.
Woking.
The part of Star Wars that appears in Woking.
Bib Fortuna.
That's the opening of Camino Burana, isn't it?
Bib Fortuna.
Bib Fortuna.
What is he?
I don't know.
Her, she, they.
Star Wars.
Star Wars.
Bim Mafalami.
I think that's a very distinguished MP. I don't know why you're making mockery of Bim's name.
Racist.
Unkar Plutt.
Yes.
Star Wars.
Sice Noodles.
Sice Noodles, Star Wars.
Kwesi Kwarteng.
He's a very fine MP. Apart from...
Old Etonian.
Yeah, OE. That doesn't make him alright.
Somebody sent me a really shite letter.
I didn't say did, I was just adding the info.
Somebody sent me a really shite letter that he'd written to them as a constituent about how we are totally behind this net zero stuff.
I mean, he's just embraced all the green bollocks.
And he was a player.
Yeah, he'll do whatever it takes to get on.
And he shagged Amber Rudd.
Did he?
What?
Yeah.
That's not libelous, is it?
That's true.
I'm sure we can cut that out later on.
Can we?
Oh, live.
Live.
Podcast live.
Oh, well, never mind.
So that brings that show and the podcast to an end.
The clue is in the name.
It's lovely to be here.
I hope we sell a lot of badges.
What's your source on that story?
I think it's common knowledge.
Apart from everyone in this room, apparently.
Anyway, let's call an end to MP or stuff.
I obviously had Jacob Rees-Mogg in there, but yeah.
Yeah, okay.
I'm looking at the time.
Just keep an eye open for this.
Because I had a game, but I'm worried that my game is really quite shit compared to yours.
You only made it up last night.
I only made it up last night.
I put time and love into this when I'm working.
Do you think, are we just going to spend the whole rest of the show doing lists and responding to them?
And what's wrong with that?
Actually, that's true.
Very good point.
Very good point.
So, when are we going to do my game?
Probably never.
Okay.
I've got tank conversations.
Oh, tank conversations.
Do you want to talk about tanks?
Yeah, well, briefly.
Because you know how much we all love tanks.
I've read another of the tank books that are available.
Have any of you read this one, Troop Leader, Bill Bellamy, Tank Commander's story?
Absolutely superb.
Basically, there's a whole load of tank books out there, written by...
Well, they were 19-year-olds at the time.
They signed up.
They went to war towards the end of World War II. They're nearly all sort of young men hoping to see a piece of action before the war ended.
And, of course, they end up having their eyes open to the horror of it all.
But this one is a particularly fine one.
He's assigned to...
He goes off to the northern...
to Western Desert shortly before that whole campaign ends.
Gets brought back and he does D-Day plus four...
He lands there with a troop of Cromwells, which is a fairly rapid infantry tank.
And it's just his story about sweeping across Europe and the horrors of...
Killing Germans.
Killing Germans whenever possible.
But in a cool way.
In a cool way.
In a war way.
We like the Germans.
And it's just full of brilliant stuff.
And I pass this on to the old man who is currently ailing after a heart operation.
He absolutely lapped it up because I said, the chap in this book is basically you.
There's lovely scenes where all his men are out sort of finding women who are...
Seem a lot more willing than we're led to believe.
And he doesn't think this is the right thing to do.
So he stays at the officer's mess and he has a little tipple.
And he's ever so straight-laced.
And writing these as his memoirs, he's saying, I really wish I didn't turn down all his opportunities for easy sex because it's basically being thrown at him.
But yeah, it's another charming book that just makes me equally love tanks and be so glad that I wasn't in one.
I would not like to be in the tank.
It would have been shit, wouldn't it?
It would have...
But the infantry looked at the tanks and said, we don't want to be in there.
But the tankiers looked at the infantry with no cover and said, I wouldn't want to do that.
So, basically, war is hell.
Yeah, war is hell.
I've heard that.
I've heard that.
Good, so that was the tank conversation.
That was the tank section.
But yeah, troop leader Bill Bellamy, read it.
It's particularly fine.
Can we do my game now, before we do the yes or no game?
Go on, do your game.
I'll do it very quickly.
But I think we should have my game as well, don't you?
Otherwise, Dick does all the games.
This is for you, Dick.
I invented this on Twitter.
This is called Remainer or Leaver.
Would they have voted Remain or Leave?
Sometimes they come in threes.
Hector, Zaza and Kiki.
From Hector's House.
Yeah.
Remain.
Because Zaza's French for a start.
I think you're wrong.
I think Zaza and Kiki would have been Remain.
I think Hector probably would have been...
Yeah, but he was kind of like out to impress the ladies, wasn't he?
He would have probably voted Remain just so he could stay in with them.
Okay, fine.
I don't know why I put him in.
Stevie Winwood.
He's a Remain.
Is he?
Sorry, Lever.
Yeah, Lever, yeah, exactly.
Okay, the 1975...
Kind of, they play a nice tune, but they're...
They don't!
Dick, that is the worst thing you've ever said.
Does anyone else think the 1975 have ever played a nice tune?
They are evil!
I hate them so much.
That one?
That's them, isn't it?
I don't know.
I try to think about them.
I don't know.
Radiohead.
Remains.
Yeah.
Bruno Mars.
Who's he?
He would definitely be Remain if he had a vote, which he didn't, obviously.
Hitler.
Remain.
Yeah, you say that.
I don't know.
We can't be sure.
Okay, Winston Churchill.
Leave.
Yeah.
Although, did you know, it's a little-known fact, but his grandson is an MP. No.
He doesn't like to talk about it.
No, well, it's a little-known fact.
In the same way that Peter Hayne doesn't like to mention the fact that he was the best friends with Nelson Mandela, or Madiba.
He never mentions the fact, and Soames, too, keeps it very quiet.
Stalin?
Leave.
Leave.
I don't think so, dear.
I think he would have been Remain, definitely.
Starling would have been Remain, yeah.
Okay, this is another trio.
Battle Cat, Skeletor and He-Man.
Well, they're fighting for the future of Eternia, aren't they?
Yeah.
So they're looking at the bigger picture, aren't they?
They're more global players.
So do you think what they'd have been?
Leave.
Okay.
I think Battle Cat in his like scaredy cat mode would be remain.
You're talking about Prince Adam or him.
Yeah, yeah, that's a very good point.
A Skeletor always points out.
I think we'll move on.
Arthur Scargill.
Didn't he recently come out for Remain?
You read my shit.
Oh, I read shit anyway.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, Arthur Scangu is actually Leave.
Margaret Thatcher?
Leave.
With Nail and I? The actors or the characters?
No, no, the characters.
They're out-of-work actors.
They're going to be lovers.
They're going to be Remainers, aren't they?
I think Withnor might be closet leave.
I think you might be projecting.
I'm projecting, okay.
This is a sad answer, I'm afraid.
Bruce Robinson?
The creator of said show.
Yeah.
Oh, he's not a Remainer, is he?
I'm afraid so.
Everyone is, apart from the special friend, frankly.
It's like that.
Jesus?
Leave.
Leave.
Do you think he would, though?
I don't know.
He's our Lord and Saviour.
Under Roman occupation.
Yeah?
Yeah.
A European superpower.
He would say, give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and he'd equivocate, wouldn't he?
He was a freedom fighter.
Oh, okay.
Satan.
Remain.
In fact, I think he runs their campaign.
Tim Rice.
Leave.
Yeah, he's a hero.
We love Tim.
The pop singer, I haven't heard of her.
Lily Allen?
Lily Allen.
Well, I'd say leave, just because I want her to, but she is a Remainer.
Okay, this is a final trio.
Boris Johnson, Rachel Johnson, and Boris Johnson's mum.
Funnily enough, I had those three names, well, almost, in my yes-no game.
Oh, my God.
That would have ruined that section, wouldn't it?
Well, they're Remainers, aren't they?
What?
Oh, Dick.
You're joking.
You're joking.
We know.
Because Boris Johnson's mum voted...
No, it's because I had Rachel Johnson and Joe Johnson in my list.
We can still do them.
Okay.
Good.
Where's Dom gone?
I think Dom needs to come back on.
Would you lynch us if we didn't do the...
No, no, we can't.
You can't not do...
You can't not place their way to heaven.
Fuck's sake.
Sorry.
No.
You can't not do that.
Right.
And then we'll do...
We've got time for this.
Have we, Phil?
Five minutes.
Yeah, okay.
We'll do this.
Let's go for it.
Let's do it.
Jess Phillips.
No.
Jacob Rees-Mogg.
Yes.
Princess Beatrice.
She's all right.
Help me.
Help me.
Yes.
No.
Maybe.
No.
Princess Fiona from Shrek.
Yes.
No one said this was going to be easy.
No.
No, I don't know.
Princess Jasmine from Aladdin.
Yes.
Ringo Starr.
Yes.
Jeff Lynne.
Yes, all right.
Boris Johnson.
Yes.
Joe Johnson.
No.
Rachel Johnson.
No!
Piers Morgan.
Yes.
Yeah, except...
You know what?
He's on the ascendancy right now, because he's been writing some...
He is so yes-no, though, isn't he?
He is so yes-no, but I think he's so hot right now.
He's the embodiment of yes and no.
Yeah, that's why he gets thrown in regularly, but I think right now he's a yes.
Joe Swinson.
No.
Ed Davey.
No.
Vlad Putin.
What?
Oh!
He said that Greta Thunberg is really...
He falls into the Prince Morgan category.
Yeah.
When he's right.
When he is so right.
So right.
And he is so hot right now.
Leo Varadkar.
I don't know who that person is, so I can answer.
Star Wars.
Never heard of him.
Recently resigned Rory Stewart.
Oh!
No!
This is a resounding no, isn't it?
No!
David Attenborough, lovely, cuddly, old...
No, no, no!
Whispery-voiced, gorilla-hugging Malthusian.
Now, I'm going to do this last lot as a quickie.
Olivia Colman, Stephen Fry and Alan Carr.
No.
Recently pictured wearing Extinction Rebellion badges.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What are they thinking?
I, for one, know that they have been in a car recently, so I think that pretty much should rule you out.
And finally, Gregory Webster.
Oh, yes.
Used to be a no.
Used to be.
This is really exciting, everyone, special friend.
Don't forget.
Gregory Webster used to be a tofu-munching, lefty, liberal, ghastly, scum-o, yoghurt, yeah.
Probably plaited his armpits for Extinction Rebellion.
And now, because of the pod, the Delling pod, he's come out for our side.
He was blind, but now he can see.
So, Jesus has...
Hooray!
Praise the Lord!
Oh, hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
We should move swiftly on to Dominic.
Dominic.
Dominic's going to close the show.
So you are listening to The Delling Pot with me, James Delling Pot, and my guest, Dick Delling Pot, and my special guest, Dominic Frisby.
Here we go.
Outro.
If you don't already know There's a place that you can go If you want to feel a sense of unity You can eat, you can drink, you can quietly have a think You'll find yourself at one with the community You can talk, you can ponder You can let your troubles wander With the cream of society or the dreg You'll find all sorts there.
The owner has peculiar hair, and he made his name for what is in his kegs.
Oh, I love Wetherspoons.
Yes, I love Wetherspoons.
Yes, I love Wetherspoons for tea and breakfast.
I love Wetherspoons for one pint of Wetherspoons for two pints.
Wetherspoons for three.
Want a large mix grill?
Wetherspoons.
Scrambled eggs with dill?
Wetherspoons.
Tea and coffee refills?
Wetherspoons.
For a tiny bill?
Mmm, that's Wetherspoons.
I love Wetherspoons.
Yes, I love Wetherspoons.
Wetherspoons.
Weatherspoons for tea.
Want some nacho dips?
Weatherspoons.
Or fried chicken strips?
Weatherspoons.
Battered fish and chips?
Weatherspoons.
Will you leave a tip?
It's Weatherspoons.
I love Weatherspoons.
Yes, I love Weatherspoons.
Yes, I love Weatherspoons.
Weatherspoons Weatherspoons For tea I've asked for the Yeah, we want the controversial thing.
I'm trying to vary the bill.
Yeah, but I want...
Okay, so two verses have made me to go.
They said he was a charlatan.
His gaffes were world-renowned.
This scoundrel, this philanderer, this obfuscating clown.
Self-serving and dishonest, he was frequently lampooned.
A liar and a racist, a cheat and a buffoon.
This entitled Old Etonian aristocrat.
Notwithstanding that.
Maybe Boris Johnson could be good.
Consider that conjecture if you would.
Once low attacks, the nanny state axed.
That's good, all things being equal.
Takes so much shit but gets on with it.
Winds up all the right people.
Maybe Boris Johnson could be good.
They said it was a marvel that it never can do wrong.
Were it not for its existence, we would all be dead and gone.
Our greatest institution, it was supposed to ensure that all should have good healthcare, whether rich or poor.
The envy of the world is what they say.
Be that as it may.
Maybe the NHS is overhyped.
I know that that's a view that some won't like, but a government plans and bureaucrat hands the best supply of good health care.
There are other means to help those in need, if only we could look elsewhere.
It's an administrative mire overworked and tired, the staff are inundated.
But mention a thing about shortcomings, you're excommunicated.
There are bungles galore, health outcomes are poor, and what about all the waiting?
At A&E, or to see a GP, or if you need operating?
So many deaths from abuse or neglect, that's murder or manslaughter.
Nevertheless, those on the left still worship at its altar.
Maybe the NHS is overhyped.
Hooray, hooray, very good, very good.
Well done.
And thank you special friend for being a lovely special friend.
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