Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S5E90 - GANGRENOUS AIDS (FREE PART)
Aired: 2024-05-10
Duration: 43:07


=== Bring a Bucket for That Rat (02:25) ===

[00:00:02]  I'm out of here.
[00:00:14]  Live from New York, it's get off my lawn with Gavin McKinnon.
[00:00:21]  Yeah, get ready to wipe that rat, big pussy.
[00:00:24]  Bring a bucket and a mop for that rat, big pussy.
[00:00:27]  Bring a trash bag with some rope for that rat, big pussy.
[00:00:31]  Couldn't do the time for the charge.
[00:00:33]  Be on guard at the boatyard.
[00:00:34]  Don't shoot pussy right in his face.
[00:00:36]  Mail his wife Fancy a postcard.
[00:00:38]  We're on top and on the rise.
[00:00:40]  I got a guy on the inside.
[00:00:41]  Said he was a rat.
[00:00:42]  Look me in the eye.
[00:00:43]  Big pussy's wife.
[00:00:44]  The guy wouldn't lie.
[00:00:46]  Shoot him up.
[00:00:49]  Fuck it.
[00:00:50]  Very difficult situation.
[00:00:53]  So difficult.
[00:00:55]  Big pussy's a fucking rat.
[00:00:56]  Big pussy's a fucking rat.
[00:01:02]  I always thought, like, James Gandalfini must have thought, okay, I'm a big mob guy.
[00:01:08]  They have to have a funny voice because of Marlon Brando.
[00:01:12]  And Marlon Brando had the, oh, you're going to do it with the ching in the cheeks.
[00:01:18]  So he goes, I better come up with a dick.
[00:01:19]  I guess I'll do this.
[00:01:21]  Because James Gandalfini doesn't sound like that.
[00:01:24]  No.
[00:01:26]  I'll tell you what I do sound like.
[00:01:27]  But we were doing with Marty.
[00:01:29]  He called me up and he said, hey, we want you to do this role.
[00:01:33]  And I said, I'd be honored.
[00:01:35]  I mean, he's a legend, you know.
[00:01:38]  So.
[00:01:40]  That's what he sounds like.
[00:01:41]  And it does suck when you watch an interview with him.
[00:01:44]  Well, what really sucks is when his fucking loser son gets up there and does the Saints of Bull Mark Warhouse Newark thing.
[00:01:52]  And he's just like, and he doesn't do a fucking accent.
[00:01:56]  Fucking work on your toti sobrato.
[00:01:58]  His face is big and smiley and loud.
[00:02:02]  It's been so long since I saw.
[00:02:03]  I have a little bit of a temper, but it's, you know, a useless temper.
[00:02:07]  It doesn't accomplish anything generally.
[00:02:09]  It's just a lot of ranting and raving and nothing.
[00:02:10]  Just a lot of ranting and raving and nothing.
[00:02:12]  He sounds like my Bronx cop friend who moved to L.A. and totally lost his accent in a few years.

=== A First Aid Kit Jams (03:02) ===

[00:02:19]  Hi, Gavin.
[00:02:20]  How are you?
[00:02:21]  He used to be like, what the fuck?
[00:02:24]  I was like, excuse me, what the heck?
[00:02:27]  No, you just wear.
[00:02:28]  When he goes into that fucking dream sequence and he's in a cobra and he's living that alternate life where he's a guy at an airport and he meets his gal at the hotel bar.
[00:02:39]  He plays the character Kevin Finnity.
[00:02:41]  Remember that?
[00:02:42]  That's him.
[00:02:43]  He plays himself in the show.
[00:02:45]  Oh.
[00:02:45]  Yeah.
[00:02:46]  Essentially.
[00:02:47]  That's funny.
[00:02:49]  So Big Pussy was a snitch?
[00:02:51]  He got the wrong snitch, right?
[00:02:53]  What did Big Pussy?
[00:02:54]  Who was wearing a wire?
[00:02:56]  He got the wrong guy at the beginning.
[00:02:58]  It's been so long.
[00:02:59]  That movie got me my wife.
[00:03:02]  She used to come over on Sundays because I had Ashe Bayo.
[00:03:05]  And that was our tradition.
[00:03:08]  And that solidified us.
[00:03:10]  And I took her to Costa Rica and made her my wife.
[00:03:14]  Today's episode is brought to you by Jump Medic.
[00:03:18]  Where's the kit here?
[00:03:20]  I got the hard shell kit.
[00:03:22]  Longtime sponsor of the show.
[00:03:26]  Look at this thing.
[00:03:27]  You open this up.
[00:03:28]  I saw Maddie play with this last night.
[00:03:32]  I'm not selling it very well if I can't open it.
[00:03:33]  There we go.
[00:03:34]  Look, it's got the to-go bag in there.
[00:03:36]  You would not believe how much shit you can fit in these boxes.
[00:03:40]  The emergency hard shell case is a brand new product from a great company, as you can see.
[00:03:43]  Great company.
[00:03:44]  It's compact, but it still packs a punch, and it's full of everything you need in a first aid kit.
[00:03:48]  It's got all the basic splints, bandages, tape, and necessities.
[00:03:51]  It's even got Narcan, a rarity in a first aid kit.
[00:03:54]  Here's the kicker.
[00:03:55]  Oh, it's only $149.
[00:03:57]  But wait, you guessed it.
[00:03:58]  There's more.
[00:03:59]  It even has bleed stop for you people who suffer from hemorrhoids in your boat, car, or RV, or those people who are on blood thinners because you got a blood clot from the vaccine.
[00:04:10]  The Hard Shell kit is so compact, you could probably even fit it on your motorcycle.
[00:04:14]  As always, JumpMedic's first aid kits qualify for a tax rebate under FSA and Health Savings Account Programs.
[00:04:19]  If you don't have a first aid kit, or even if you do, go check out JumpMedic and enter promo code RyanSucks for a great discount on all their great products, excluding items that are on sale.
[00:04:34]  I was going to play this new jam by Ryan Long.
[00:04:42]  I texted it to you.
[00:04:43]  That was going to be the intro.
[00:04:45]  I don't know why I chose.
[00:04:46]  I'll tell you why I chose that soprano thing because I spent all Thursday organizing all our songs into like intro songs that we haven't played yet into like surf punk, metal, punk, oi, hardcore, indie pop, and satire.

=== Brian Stelter Satire Rap (08:53) ===

[00:05:01]  And then under satire, there was that MAGA mix.
[00:05:04]  I just tweeted it where he's like, get out of here.
[00:05:07]  Great mix.
[00:05:08]  Great mix.
[00:05:09]  And then I got into satire mode.
[00:05:11]  And the Sopranos one was at the top of that list.
[00:05:16]  And then this one I just added to the satire list.
[00:05:21]  But play that.
[00:05:22]  Play that one, Jamie.
[00:05:24]  I fucking hate rap.
[00:05:25]  Yeah.
[00:05:26]  Me too.
[00:05:27]  Fucking legend.
[00:05:29]  I like satire rap because it seems to sort of be making fun of rap.
[00:05:35]  He's a sex machine.
[00:05:37]  Brian Stelter, and he's packing heat.
[00:05:40]  Brian Stelter, and he'll steal your queen.
[00:05:42]  Brian Stelter, and she'll fiend for his me.
[00:05:46]  It's a big piece.
[00:05:51]  I predict Brian Stelter is going to get divorced.
[00:05:56]  Women don't mind being married to a pariah.
[00:05:59]  They don't like being married to the laughing stock.
[00:06:02]  And he ruined his brand, which already sucked, by posting that picture of him in his little red socks.
[00:06:09]  You know the pic I'm talking about?
[00:06:12]  Yes.
[00:06:13]  Find that pic.
[00:06:14]  Socks.
[00:06:17]  He's like, this is me at work, you guys.
[00:06:20]  And he's got his suit on, and he's like, what kind of faggot wears red socks?
[00:06:26]  That's sexy.
[00:06:27]  Are you trying to be sexy?
[00:06:29]  Little sexy elf.
[00:06:30]  That's one step away from being a painting my toenails guy.
[00:06:34]  Which Bert Kreischer is one of those guys now.
[00:06:37]  So is Ron White, which is sad.
[00:06:39]  There, look at that.
[00:06:40]  I mean, that's not a very good resolution, but you're supposed to be a serious newsman.
[00:06:45]  This is what you have on underneath the desk.
[00:06:48]  The rest of your suit, dude.
[00:06:52]  What a douche.
[00:06:54]  I actually know someone that had dinner with him recently.
[00:06:57]  And she was like, his wife, who, remember our joke for the longest time was tighter than Brian Stelter's wife's pussy?
[00:07:04]  Because we just assume it never gets used.
[00:07:06]  Because who would fuck him?
[00:07:08]  I mean, I think he has two kids.
[00:07:09]  So she's fucked him twice.
[00:07:11]  And the wife was telling the table about this guy she was dating that dumped her, and she was getting old.
[00:07:16]  And so I married this guy.
[00:07:17]  And she points to Brian Stelter, who's sitting there going, yep, that's me.
[00:07:23]  Choice number two.
[00:07:26]  The one that didn't get away.
[00:07:29]  Do you like his smile, though?
[00:07:31]  I love his smile.
[00:07:33]  You do?
[00:07:34]  Actually, I know another dude who knows him.
[00:07:36]  This was months ago, and he goes, hey, I'm with Brian Stelter in the city.
[00:07:39]  You should come by.
[00:07:40]  And I go, no, thanks.
[00:07:43]  And then he goes, Brian said good.
[00:07:47]  You know what's weird?
[00:07:49]  You could probably get along with him.
[00:07:50]  Like, when you meet people that suck for all...
[00:07:59]  No.
[00:07:59]  Where are you getting that from?
[00:08:00]  Terrible theories, Rivera.
[00:08:02]  I think you'd have more in common than you'd think.
[00:08:05]  Shut up.
[00:08:06]  That's such a dumb thing to say.
[00:08:09]  My cousin was drunk.
[00:08:11]  I think I told you this, right?
[00:08:13]  In Chicago, and he puts me, he goes, hey, man, society here.
[00:08:18]  And he goes, hello?
[00:08:20]  And I go, yes.
[00:08:21]  And he goes, and then I can hear my cousin go, he wants to know about the Proud Boys.
[00:08:25]  And I go, it's a men's club.
[00:08:26]  It started because we were trying to get this dude Ben Ratner laid.
[00:08:29]  And we ended up, I explained the whole thing.
[00:08:32]  He goes, so when did it become a hate group?
[00:08:35]  And I thought, like, people, having to constantly defend yourself and say, I'm not a Nazi, I'm not in a hate group, fuck you.
[00:08:43]  Like, that's like having to sit there and go, I'm not retarded or something.
[00:08:46]  So, no, you're retarded, fuckface.
[00:08:49]  You know what I mean?
[00:08:50]  Like, I'm at the point now where I go, no, no, no.
[00:08:53]  We're not racist.
[00:08:54]  There's totally black guys, isn't it?
[00:08:56]  I just go, fuck you.
[00:08:57]  I go, yeah, the whole shit hate group is for normies who are uninformed and just eat whatever Rachel Maddow feeds them.
[00:09:04]  You sound like one of those guys.
[00:09:06]  Well, I'm actually black.
[00:09:07]  Yeah, I know you're black, dude.
[00:09:08]  I can hear your act.
[00:09:10]  Do you not know that you guys sound different than everyone else?
[00:09:13]  Especially in Chicago?
[00:09:16]  Fucking douche.
[00:09:19]  Today's paper, of course, Stormy, Make It Rain.
[00:09:23]  On last night's show, which is not free.
[00:09:25]  This is the free part of the Friday show.
[00:09:28]  I explained what Mercedes Carrera told me on the phone, which is she said he did fuck her.
[00:09:35]  A bunch of porn stars went to a golf thing in 2006, and I think he thought it was consensual.
[00:09:42]  Because you pay up front if it's prostitution.
[00:09:45]  Stormy's too stupid to get the money up front.
[00:09:47]  So she was like, I want some money for that.
[00:09:49]  And he's like, what?
[00:09:51]  We made love.
[00:09:52]  I thought she liked me.
[00:09:55]  Get her out of here.
[00:10:00]  Let's say 90% of Americans don't give a shit about this.
[00:10:03]  Oh, you want him to be president?
[00:10:05]  Oh, really?
[00:10:05]  Did you know he might have fucked a porn star 50 years ago?
[00:10:09]  Or 20 years ago, almost 20 years ago.
[00:10:12]  Oh, okay.
[00:10:14]  I figured everyone did.
[00:10:17]  Who hasn't fucked a porn star?
[00:10:19]  They're sluts.
[00:10:21]  It's hard to avoid it.
[00:10:22]  They're available.
[00:10:25]  We got a lot to cover today.
[00:10:27]  A lot of stuff.
[00:10:28]  Lot of stuff.
[00:10:32]  I have a sprinkle submission.
[00:10:34]  You have a sprinkle submission?
[00:10:36]  Yes.
[00:10:36]  So you get content now?
[00:10:37]  Well, I just thought that it would be good to...
[00:10:43]  Ignore for your own safety.
[00:10:44]  Okay, that's...
[00:10:48]  I did not.
[00:10:48]  Why would I make things that make me sound like I'm shitty?
[00:10:52]  I don't remember saying that.
[00:10:53]  I believe that, but I don't remember saying that.
[00:10:55]  Uh-oh, my pocket square is going bye bye.
[00:10:57]  You have a full-blown alarm.
[00:10:59]  It's just the little sprinkles.
[00:11:01]  It's quick.
[00:11:01]  10 seconds.
[00:11:15]  Isn't that true?
[00:11:17]  I guess.
[00:11:17]  You have friends in the house and you just remember, like, oh, let me go buy them real quick and then you run away.
[00:11:21]  I haven't had a fucking roommate since Montreal when Shane and I lived at the Vice Office.
[00:11:27]  So that would be 98.
[00:11:29]  I don't remember what it's like to have a roommate.
[00:11:32]  I mean, I guess I do now.
[00:11:33]  Yeah, I do have roommates.
[00:11:34]  Teenagers are roommates.
[00:11:37]  Like, they don't like you.
[00:11:39]  You text a teen something funny and they don't reply.
[00:11:43]  Ouch.
[00:11:43]  That's rude.
[00:11:44]  He doesn't even, he doesn't, his phone doesn't work.
[00:11:47]  Like, I've called him with his phone in his hand and I'm sitting next to him and it doesn't ring.
[00:11:54]  He doesn't, you can only text him.
[00:11:57]  And then the daughter, she's cool.
[00:11:58]  We get along.
[00:11:59]  But that's the beauty of boarding school.
[00:12:01]  Tucker Carlson told me that a long time ago, just a name drop.
[00:12:04]  He said, send your kids to boarding school.
[00:12:06]  You have a common enemy.
[00:12:07]  And instead of them hating you, they hate their teacher.
[00:12:09]  You hate their teacher too because all your money's going to this moroni.
[00:12:12]  Better be doing a good job.
[00:12:14]  And the common enemy brings you together.
[00:12:18]  Those people?
[00:12:19]  They're not dating my daughter.
[00:12:20]  I can tell you that.
[00:12:25]  Did you have something to say, Ryan?
[00:12:28]  I did.
[00:12:28]  Well, I'd like to start this off in a positive way.
[00:12:31]  And I think, did we see you at a game by any chance?
[00:12:35]  You've been going to games?
[00:12:36]  Was it a Mets game when Doc Gooden, when they retired his number?
[00:12:40]  That was weeks ago.
[00:12:41]  I didn't know they showed you on the TV there.
[00:12:44]  What?
[00:12:44]  There you are.
[00:12:47]  Is that you?
[00:12:48]  I can't tell.
[00:12:50]  He doesn't even have a beard.
[00:12:52]  I can see how that would, I'd be mistaken for that guy.
[00:12:55]  Oh, he doesn't have a beard.
[00:12:56]  You're right.
[00:12:57]  But I haven't shaved.
[00:12:58]  That's a youthful guy and nice.
[00:13:02]  everything's good.
[00:13:03]  No, okay.
[00:13:04]  This was going around.
[00:13:05]  People thought this was me.
[00:13:07]  It is me.
[00:13:07]  And I just want to explain something here.
[00:13:09]  We had made it very clear with signage all over this parking lot that we don't want people taking pictures.
[00:13:16]  And people ignored that.
[00:13:17]  I think they ignored it.
[00:13:21]  Oh, okay.
[00:13:22]  Wait, you muted the cat man?
[00:13:24]  Yeah, all he does is post like women, like pictures of women naked.
[00:13:28]  And I'm like, can you fucking chill?
[00:13:31]  Oh.
[00:13:34]  Yeah, so you've got to understand the context of why I was angry here.

=== Workout Humiliation (10:59) ===

[00:13:40]  Let's blow that up.
[00:13:41]  Erase it now, Jackass.
[00:13:47]  Erase it now.
[00:13:48]  That's legal notice.
[00:13:49]  Erase it now.
[00:13:52]  We have a badge?
[00:13:53]  Yeah.
[00:13:56]  I have made a badge.
[00:13:57]  That's big.
[00:13:58]  You've got to understand that people have been photographing and videotaping National Medal for weeks, and they hired me to do security, and I had a budget to create a vehicle.
[00:14:08]  They said it can't be motorized.
[00:14:12]  And I just, I'd had enough.
[00:14:16]  They tell you where the office is.
[00:14:17]  The office is at Toon Neal Court.
[00:14:19]  You can just go over there.
[00:14:19]  If you have a problem, don't film them.
[00:14:21]  Go to the office.
[00:14:23]  I shoot this show in the evenings.
[00:14:25]  I'm free most of the day.
[00:14:26]  I got a job doing security at National Metal.
[00:14:29]  If you want to fuck around, then please come and find out.
[00:14:32]  I will make you delete any pictures you take.
[00:14:34]  Yep.
[00:14:36]  I have had enough.
[00:14:38]  That tranny, Canadian tranny dude is back.
[00:14:41]  He's literally lost his balls.
[00:14:45]  But he's got a great metaphor.
[00:14:47]  He likes to use candy to describe his genitalia.
[00:14:50]  I am 74.6% sure this guy's fucking funny and he's one of us.
[00:14:58]  They get banned from Disney.
[00:15:00]  That's where we're about to get banned from Disney.
[00:15:02]  Last summer, I got my cake pops removed, and the plan, up until recently, was to get my marshmallow wand reconfigured into a marshmallow tunnel.
[00:15:11]  Unfortunately, a few weeks ago, I noticed some hair regrowth on my marshmallow wand.
[00:15:16]  That's bad because the outside of the wand is what becomes the inside of the tunnel.
[00:15:20]  You don't want hair.
[00:15:22]  As we all know, when you turn your penis inside out and there's hairs on it, the friction of intercourse wears off those hairs.
[00:15:28]  They get pushed deeper in, and you create a hair ball deep in your man's cervix, your male, your handmade, man-made cervix.
[00:15:38]  And that hairball then rots.
[00:15:40]  And your vagina, no matter how much you clean it, has these wafts of rotting hair.
[00:15:45]  Like, you know, when you clean out your drain in the shower and you pull out that coagulated hair that has slime, I'm going to make myself dry heap.
[00:15:54]  That is in your vagina.
[00:15:57]  And it smells very badly.
[00:15:58]  If you go and run it, you can hear a lot of post-op trannies complaining about the putrid rotting smell.
[00:16:05]  Hair growing there, or else it's very uncomfortable.
[00:16:08]  So I talked to my surgeon, and he said that it would be best to postpone the procedure until after hair removal is complete.
[00:16:16]  This is obviously disappointing because I was really excited to have a marshmallow tunnel sooner.
[00:16:20]  That being said, it is still happening.
[00:16:22]  We're just not sure when it's happening.
[00:16:24]  Hair removal is a fickle thing and it's really hard to predict when it will finish.
[00:16:29]  But my hair removal technician thinks it will be before the end of the year.
[00:16:33]  So, fingers crossed.
[00:16:36]  Want some?
[00:16:37]  Come with me.
[00:16:38]  What do you think?
[00:16:39]  You'll see my two tits, fig tits, and my chopped off penis.
[00:16:44]  What do you think?
[00:16:45]  What percentage do you think he's do you think it's possible he's kidding?
[00:16:49]  He's got the nose piercing, so like that's that would be commitment unless that's magnetic.
[00:16:54]  So other than the nose piercings, there's nothing else permanent going on there.
[00:16:58]  You know, like if like if he was a Nazi pretending to be a Nazi and he had like a swastika tattoo on his forehead, I'd probably lean towards he's serious.
[00:17:08]  The nose piercings are close.
[00:17:09]  Well, those could just be glued on.
[00:17:11]  Right.
[00:17:12]  The middle one, the ring there, the septum ring, that could just be there with, you know, how the whole eye pinching it.
[00:17:18]  And then that could just be body glue, body glue.
[00:17:21]  But it's hard to keep something glued on your nose because your nose is moving around.
[00:17:27]  Magnets, though.
[00:17:28]  You know, they have those magnetic ones?
[00:17:30]  Do they?
[00:17:30]  Yep.
[00:17:30]  Do they, do they?
[00:17:31]  They do, do, they do.
[00:17:34]  So what percentage?
[00:17:36]  I'm actually like at 78% he's serious.
[00:17:41]  Oh, so the opposite of me.
[00:17:42]  Yeah.
[00:17:43]  Hmm.
[00:17:44]  Because of the piercings.
[00:17:45]  You know what?
[00:17:46]  This is probably going to break his heart, but dude, it's very male to have all your nomenclature correct, like cake pops and tunnel and marshmallow wand or whatever.
[00:17:58]  Girls would just go, I was about to have my little like chocolate thingies removed, and I did, but then I got the whatever, the chocolate marshmallow stick thingy.
[00:18:08]  Like to know the terms.
[00:18:11]  That's a guy thing.
[00:18:13]  Sorry.
[00:18:14]  Everyone is different.
[00:18:14]  Hair removal TikTok.
[00:18:16]  Lily Tino.
[00:18:18]  What else?
[00:18:18]  Speaking of.
[00:18:21]  Speaking of.
[00:18:23]  *laughter*
[00:18:29]  Very, very hairy, though.
[00:18:31]  Holding his grapes.
[00:18:33]  That's foreshadowing.
[00:18:34]  Yeah.
[00:18:35]  Last time I'll be doing this.
[00:18:37]  He took his grapes off the tree.
[00:18:39]  Remove the grapes from the host.
[00:18:45]  Get well soon, wishing you a speedy recovery.
[00:18:48]  It's ma'am.
[00:18:54]  I don't know.
[00:18:55]  Like, remember when he was dressed the same as his dog?
[00:19:01]  Oh.
[00:19:04]  Oh, wait.
[00:19:05]  That's a fag.
[00:19:07]  This would be a deep cover operation.
[00:19:11]  I know, but he doesn't look remotely feminine.
[00:19:14]  Like, that guy that we saw is just shaved.
[00:19:19]  You know, they alter their face when they take estrogen.
[00:19:21]  He looks exactly like that.
[00:19:26]  You don't look like that, dude.
[00:19:31]  I realize I'm a trans bully from high school.
[00:19:34]  Oh.
[00:19:37]  Yeah, your hair is gross.
[00:19:40]  Look at his gross pubic hair.
[00:19:48]  This is a full transition.
[00:19:52]  I got in touch with a buddy recently from the early 90s that I hadn't seen in a long time.
[00:19:56]  He's like, it's weird.
[00:19:58]  I check in on you.
[00:19:59]  I listen to your podcast and I go, oh, you're signed up to censor?
[00:20:02]  And he goes, what's that?
[00:20:03]  They just watched this free show.
[00:20:05]  And he goes, I was surprised to hear you still hate trans.
[00:20:09]  And I'm like, I never hated trans.
[00:20:12]  I don't have the gumption to hate trans.
[00:20:15]  I think they're fucking mentally ill gays and they make me laugh.
[00:20:19]  I don't hate them.
[00:20:20]  I hate pedophiles.
[00:20:22]  I hate people that are a thing.
[00:20:24]  Trans people are just silly.
[00:20:26]  I don't take them seriously.
[00:20:27]  I guess that's hate now.
[00:20:29]  It's hate to not listen to you.
[00:20:35]  I did a workout.
[00:20:36]  I posted my workout on Twitter and everyone made fun of me.
[00:20:40]  I knew that was going to happen.
[00:20:41]  That's not nice of them.
[00:20:42]  That hurt my feelings, just so you know.
[00:20:45]  The chin thing hurts my feelings.
[00:20:47]  And when I complete a very difficult workout and you say, thanks, I'm going to send this to my grandma.
[00:20:53]  And oh my God, my girlfriend's going to love this.
[00:20:57]  You have hurt me today.
[00:21:00]  Fucking 25-pound dumbbells doing flies?
[00:21:05]  15 reps?
[00:21:06]  15 reps three times?
[00:21:08]  That's hard.
[00:21:11]  In fact, as I was doing it, I was like, thank you, Purpleworks, because I don't think I could do this.
[00:21:16]  Like a fly is, it's counterintuitive.
[00:21:19]  You go way back here and you slowly bring them up.
[00:21:22]  You can't touch them.
[00:21:24]  That's easy.
[00:21:26]  Well, then I'm a pussy.
[00:21:27]  If that's nothing to you, then I'm weak.
[00:21:30]  And what's wrong with that?
[00:21:32]  Yeah, it's not nice to discourage people that are...
[00:21:36]  I called it the Super G. Someone posted a picture of Super Grover.
[00:21:40]  That's not even...
[00:21:44]  That is heartless.
[00:21:45]  Okay, that one's not necessarily hard, but it's 20 squats with a weight is what it is.
[00:21:51]  Did I ever tell you about the time we were all working out together and I picked up like a 20-pound kettlebell with my cock?
[00:21:58]  Like I was holding onto my foreskin.
[00:22:00]  No.
[00:22:00]  And I walked over to the other guys and I go, is this how you're supposed to hold it?
[00:22:02]  And they were like, ah, you know, working class Brooklyn Bronx people, they're very sensitive about gay shit and penises.
[00:22:09]  In Canada, it's a major part of our comedy.
[00:22:13]  And they're like, wash that thing, fucking wash that.
[00:22:15]  I'm not touching that.
[00:22:16]  I'm not touching that.
[00:22:17]  Ooh, it's been penised.
[00:22:19]  And a couple days later, I looked down taking a picture.
[00:22:22]  Oh, my God.
[00:22:23]  My cock is black as coal.
[00:22:28]  I had severely bruised it.
[00:22:30]  And thank God I'm married because if I was single, I would think, holy shit, one of the sluts I fucked must have had like gangrenous AIDS.
[00:22:38]  Good episode title.
[00:22:43]  So Purple Works.
[00:22:44]  Just before you mock that workout, please try it.
[00:22:49]  It takes half an hour and tell me that that was nothing.
[00:22:53]  Please.
[00:22:56]  I worked out with you, Ryan.
[00:22:58]  You almost died.
[00:22:59]  Well, yeah.
[00:23:00]  Oh, that was a totally different workout from what I was used to.
[00:23:03]  Yeah, it was tough.
[00:23:05]  Because the thing is, is like I was doing all hypertrophy, so it's like I get like a three-minute rest.
[00:23:10]  And the Puerto Rican guy sipping his monster energy drink at 10 a.m.
[00:23:14]  He's like, no, you have to go his 30 seconds rest.
[00:23:16]  He only lets me do 45 seconds at the most.
[00:23:19]  Sucks.
[00:23:20]  Yeah, it's a totally different demand.
[00:23:21]  And some of those are zero break.
[00:23:23]  Like after you're on the bike, which the bike is as hard as you want it to be, you have to go straight to the kettlebells.
[00:23:29]  There's no sense in being smug about that sort of shit because like when I first started doing boxing, I couldn't do this for like 30 seconds, like literally just this without being tired.
[00:23:39]  But I was lifting the most I ever lifted ever.
[00:23:41]  I was deadlifting a ton.
[00:23:42]  I was, you know, 100 pound dumbbells.
[00:23:45]  So it's like, it just doesn't translate.
[00:23:47]  It's a different workout.
[00:23:48]  So don't be smug.
[00:23:49]  But we do, me and Hector do a different workout every single time.
[00:23:53]  Like I'll never do that thing again.
[00:23:55]  The Super G. Anyway, this is all a giant commercial for Purple Works.
[00:23:59]  Purple Works pre-workout uses only the highest quality ingredients, creatine for strength, caffeine and green tea extract for energy and focus, vitamins for muscle and tissue repair, and carnisin beta-alanine for the tingles.
[00:24:11]  That's the little pricklies you get in your hands, and you have to work out to make them go away.
[00:24:16]  This is one of the last chances to get Purple Works before they update their formula.
[00:24:19]  So this could be a coveted baby monster collector's item.

=== Crazy Shit Revealed (15:52) ===

[00:24:23]  But wait, there's more.
[00:24:25]  Purpleworks has a line of fine imported Italian coffees.
[00:24:27]  Whether you enter the French press or the bench press, Purple Works has you covered.
[00:24:31]  Go to PurpleWorksNutrition.com, enter promo code Gavin for 15% off.
[00:24:35]  Purpleworks likes you more than a friend.
[00:24:39]  I have, we should almost start a new segment called Crazy Shit.
[00:24:43]  Because I have some crazy shit to show you.
[00:24:46]  I have it classified into various sections, but I don't want to go into the whole section.
[00:24:51]  I have a competency crisis and some other stuff, but these things are so intense that I want to pull them out of their categories and just put them under what the fuck was that?
[00:25:04]  That's it.
[00:25:05]  New thing we got to do.
[00:25:08]  WTF was that?
[00:25:09]  Yep.
[00:25:09]  What the fuck was that?
[00:25:10]  And I'll give you the audio for the interstitial.
[00:25:14]  Ready?
[00:25:15]  Alright.
[00:25:16]  Yep.
[00:25:17]  Yep.
[00:25:21]  Ooh, what the fuck was that?
[00:25:26]  So, Ashton Witty, I consider her a good pal.
[00:25:29]  She went through some horrible shit.
[00:25:31]  This is the thing.
[00:25:32]  I did a Battle of the Bands about the sex pistols that's coming out soon.
[00:25:35]  And when they did the Bill Grundy thing, it said, you turret men, they became the number one go-to media spotlight thing.
[00:25:43]  And it's very intense.
[00:25:45]  I think men can handle it much better than women.
[00:25:48]  Men don't give a shit if everyone hates them.
[00:25:51]  I didn't mind, but I minded that my wife was so affected and my kids were ostracized.
[00:25:55]  But personally, I would dress up like Hitler every day.
[00:26:00]  I've seen it.
[00:26:01]  I've seen Laura Loomer be on the verge of suicide.
[00:26:04]  I've seen Ashton Wittee, when she became outed as right wing, she was in Hollywood.
[00:26:10]  Her whole family X'd her.
[00:26:13]  And her friends dumped her.
[00:26:14]  And she was, I hooked her up with Proud Boys, and she would sleep on the couches of various Proud Boys.
[00:26:20]  And no one made a move on her.
[00:26:22]  She wasn't molested by anyone.
[00:26:25]  So I thought that was very cool of me and the club.
[00:26:29]  And then when some shit hit some fan, I can't remember what it was, if it was yay or something, but she totally stabbed me in the back.
[00:26:37]  It was like, yeah, he's a dick.
[00:26:39]  Like, I had her on my show and stuff, and I was always trying to help her find a man.
[00:26:43]  Anyway, fickle bitch.
[00:26:46]  But that's what this, being a pariah does to females.
[00:26:50]  And I hadn't checked in on her since she stabbed me in the back.
[00:26:53]  And someone just sent me this.
[00:26:55]  What is this, OnlyFans?
[00:26:56]  So NSFW, we're about to show pornography.
[00:26:59]  This is her, I believe, masturbating with a dildo.
[00:27:11]  It's a very erudite masturbator.
[00:27:15]  Yes.
[00:27:16]  Yes.
[00:27:18]  That was one minute.
[00:27:22]  It'd be a lot faster to come if my shorts are off, is all I'm saying.
[00:27:26]  This isn't a face swap AI, is it?
[00:27:30]  I don't think so.
[00:27:33]  Like, that's why we're starting a new segment called What the Fuck Was That?
[00:27:37]  Because I don't know if this is real.
[00:27:38]  It doesn't look like face swap.
[00:27:40]  The mic would fuck that up, wouldn't it?
[00:27:43]  I think this is where she's at lately.
[00:27:44]  She tweeted out that she was like bi-curious and the conservative movement didn't allow her to be herself.
[00:27:52]  That's such bullshit.
[00:27:54]  I wish the conservative movement didn't let you be yourself.
[00:27:56]  When there's a tranny in the mix, a mega tranny, they all start drooling, going, look, we're not homophobic.
[00:28:02]  They're so happy.
[00:28:04]  Let's have mega drag queen story hour.
[00:28:07]  It'll show everyone we're not homophobic.
[00:28:09]  Let's rape kids with mega hats on.
[00:28:14]  So that confused me a lot.
[00:28:17]  And then I'm not following the thingamajoodles here.
[00:28:25]  I'm not following the agenda properly.
[00:28:28]  Jump all the way to 21.
[00:28:31]  So there's these kids graduating from Thomas University.
[00:28:37]  And the name pronunciation, is this competency crisis?
[00:28:41]  Is this a joke?
[00:28:41]  Is this fake?
[00:28:43]  The pronunciation of these very simple names like Elizabeth Brown, Elizabeth Brown.
[00:28:52]  If this is a joke, then I'm a moron.
[00:28:54]  And by the way, if this is a joke, you just wasted everyone's time.
[00:28:57]  So stop doing jokes like this.
[00:28:58]  But if this is real, I've never seen this level of incompetence.
[00:29:04]  And if someone is illiterate, I understand.
[00:29:06]  Hey, Steve Jones from the Sex Bistles couldn't read till he was 40.
[00:29:09]  I know guys at my gym who can't read.
[00:29:11]  Well, one.
[00:29:12]  So it's not the end of the world.
[00:29:14]  I don't quite get it.
[00:29:15]  You couldn't just sink yourself into learning to read for two weeks.
[00:29:21]  But, okay, that's a thing.
[00:29:23]  Why would you get someone that's this illiterate to announce some of the most important moments in these young people's lives?
[00:29:31]  And as far as having your name read out loud, this is probably the most important time in your life you will hear your own name.
[00:29:38]  And they get this fucking retarded cunt to read them out.
[00:29:44]  Listen to this.
[00:29:46]  Mavie Lee Zubeth Bratowski.
[00:29:50]  Stop.
[00:29:51]  Stop.
[00:29:53]  Mavi Lee Zabeth.
[00:29:56]  You mean Elizabeth?
[00:29:58]  You mean Maeve Elizabeth?
[00:30:00]  Mavie Lee's Abeth.
[00:30:03]  Oh, that's what we should do.
[00:30:04]  You should read them before she does to be funny.
[00:30:06]  Okay.
[00:30:06]  Marissa Lynn Brabazon something.
[00:30:12]  Sayer Uvun Jean Ju Bri Nan.
[00:30:17]  Stop.
[00:30:18]  Excuse me.
[00:30:19]  Sarav Er Jinya Brianan.
[00:30:27]  Help me out.
[00:30:28]  Somebody's space bar was broken when they wrote a script.
[00:30:32]  Like, do you know what it's?
[00:30:33]  I don't think she knows what a space is.
[00:30:36]  She doesn't know what separate words are.
[00:30:40]  Can you check the comments and make sure I'm not wasting everyone's time?
[00:30:44]  This was just sent as a video attachment.
[00:30:46]  Oh.
[00:30:47]  That's unfortunate.
[00:30:48]  Is this a gag?
[00:30:52]  No, well, look at the faces of them.
[00:30:55]  Yeah, they're not thrilled.
[00:30:56]  So it seems to be.
[00:30:57]  By the way, Sarah Virginia Brennan has never been called Sarav once in her entire life, including kindergarten where her friends are like, hi, I'm Emily.
[00:31:07]  Is your name Sarah?
[00:31:10]  She's never been called Sarav.
[00:31:12]  I got to admit, I've never seen anyone do that.
[00:31:16]  Actually, I have been fucked over with like the worst example of Gavin McInnes was, of course, the famous Cabby Ines.
[00:31:26]  I've had MCNS before, Gavin a ton, but no one's ever called me like Gavinum Kinnis.
[00:31:39]  Sarah, is that short for Sarov?
[00:31:43]  I remember when my youngest was four, let's say his first name is Bobby.
[00:31:48]  I go, what's your whole name?
[00:31:49]  What's your middle name again?
[00:31:50]  He goes, my name's Bobby Eat Worms Innes.
[00:31:54]  Eats Worms.
[00:31:56]  That's my middle name.
[00:31:58]  His middle name is Eats Worms.
[00:32:00]  He's so fucking funny.
[00:32:02]  That's why my tattoo says Michael Frog Jackson because we were playing Family Trivial Pursuit and he was like four and he obviously wasn't getting anything right.
[00:32:10]  And it was frustrating him because it was a family pursuit.
[00:32:13]  So my other kids were eight and ten and so they were getting the kid ones right.
[00:32:20]  So I forget what the question was, but he just sort of pushes past his siblings at four and he goes, Michael Frog Jackson.
[00:32:29]  I said yes And gave him a pie.
[00:32:31]  You nailed it.
[00:32:32]  Did you just have the loudest fart on earth?
[00:32:34]  No, I threw my coffee cup into the garbage.
[00:32:37]  All right, let's continue with this.
[00:32:39]  For the sake of argument, we have to assume this is real.
[00:32:41]  All right?
[00:32:42]  This is all we have: the video.
[00:32:43]  So let's assume it's real.
[00:32:45]  I'll pay you $10 if I got it wrong and I'm not getting a joke right.
[00:32:50]  Marcellin Brabazan.
[00:32:54]  Marcellin.
[00:32:56]  Marissa Lynn is Marcellin.
[00:33:01]  Is she so used to like Shaniqua that when she sees normal names, she's confused?
[00:33:05]  This is a Key and Peel sketch.
[00:33:07]  Remember?
[00:33:08]  I have it pulled up, yeah.
[00:33:09]  Where Key is, yeah, mispronouncing name.
[00:33:13]  This was very popular, went super viral.
[00:33:15]  Timothy.
[00:33:15]  They actually made it into a commercial for Universal.
[00:33:22]  Timothy.
[00:33:24]  Present.
[00:33:26]  Thank you.
[00:33:28]  All right, we're going to take a little roll here.
[00:33:30]  Jay Quellen.
[00:33:31]  Here.
[00:33:33]  You are present?
[00:33:35]  Lake.
[00:33:36]  I hear.
[00:33:37]  Uh-huh.
[00:33:38]  D. Nice.
[00:33:39]  Here.
[00:33:40]  Good.
[00:33:41]  Jaceku.
[00:33:43]  Jase.
[00:33:45]  Okay, so we've all seen that a million times.
[00:33:49]  This is that in real life.
[00:33:52]  Tristan Swigart Boyer.
[00:33:55]  I think it's.
[00:33:55]  Or maybe Boyer.
[00:33:56]  Let's see.
[00:33:56]  Brabazan Carr.
[00:34:00]  That's the Brabazan.
[00:34:01]  Marissa.
[00:34:01]  Victoria.
[00:34:03]  Okay.
[00:34:04]  Okay, this is easy.
[00:34:05]  This is one of the easiest names I've ever seen.
[00:34:07]  We've all heard of Queen Victoria.
[00:34:09]  We've all heard of Queen Elizabeth.
[00:34:11]  Maybe some of us have heard of Robert the Bruce.
[00:34:15]  These names are all over history.
[00:34:17]  There's the Hulk.
[00:34:23]  There's a million celebrities with these names.
[00:34:26]  Posh Spice, right?
[00:34:27]  Victoria Beckham.
[00:34:28]  Bruce Banner.
[00:34:30]  I just said Bruce Banner.
[00:34:31]  Then you said no.
[00:34:32]  No, I was going to say he was...
[00:34:35]  Well, who's David Banner?
[00:34:37]  A rapper, I think.
[00:34:39]  David Banner.
[00:34:40]  Unless that's one of the rapper things where they take a name, like, I don't know.
[00:34:44]  So Bruce Banner is the Hulk.
[00:34:45]  Okay.
[00:34:46]  So you don't have to know British history.
[00:34:48]  How could you not know these motherfucking names?
[00:34:52]  I predict she'll say Bruce A. Well, so she doesn't know what a space is, right?
[00:34:57]  So Victoria Zeb.
[00:35:00]  Victoria Lisa, Beth Brookie.
[00:35:03]  Victoria Lisa, Beth Bruke.
[00:35:05]  I think that's what she's going to say.
[00:35:06]  Lee Zupet Frost.
[00:35:11]  Victoria Lee Zabeth Ross.
[00:35:14]  Zabith Roos.
[00:35:20]  We were wrong.
[00:35:22]  What?
[00:35:22]  There's like no method to it that we could track.
[00:35:25]  Lee Zupet Frost.
[00:35:28]  Zubeth.
[00:35:29]  She doesn't even get Zabeth right.
[00:35:31]  How do you get Zubeth out of Zabeth?
[00:35:33]  Car.
[00:35:35]  There we go.
[00:35:36]  Victoria Lee Zubethross.
[00:35:43]  Victoria Lee?
[00:35:45]  Lee, okay, even with her idiocy, it should be Victoria Ellie Zabeth Bruce.
[00:35:53]  But she goes, Victoria Lee.
[00:35:55]  So the E disappears.
[00:35:56]  The A becomes you Zubeth.
[00:35:59]  And then the B just dies.
[00:36:05]  What?
[00:36:07]  What the heck?
[00:36:10]  Victoria is the best group.
[00:36:16]  Not what she said.
[00:36:18]  We live in a world where that woman could be fired for racism.
[00:36:22]  Yeah.
[00:36:22]  After this video goes viral.
[00:36:23]  This is a university and a graduation.
[00:36:26]  So it's the world's worst commercial for Thomas University.
[00:36:31]  You mean To Masjun?
[00:36:33]  Get this.
[00:36:34]  She doesn't even know how to pronounce her own school's name.
[00:36:37]  Marlina.
[00:36:39]  Oh, Melanie.
[00:36:40]  Is it Zomba?
[00:36:41]  Molly, huh?
[00:36:43]  Comp.
[00:36:46]  Mine comp.
[00:36:47]  Malia Zabeth Comp.
[00:36:52]  Carolina Urina.
[00:36:55]  Callerina Urena.
[00:36:58]  Callerina Urena.
[00:37:03]  B54 Fina.
[00:37:05]  Like, not even close.
[00:37:08]  I could see you almost.
[00:37:10]  I could almost forgive Carolina Rina.
[00:37:14]  At least those are the letters that are there.
[00:37:18]  Is she holding like a handwritten doctor's note of the names?
[00:37:21]  Did this take place on April 1st by chance?
[00:37:24]  Ta Mume.
[00:37:27]  Okay.
[00:37:28]  Ta Mumei.
[00:37:30]  So far, so bad.
[00:37:31]  So it's Thomas University, and this man's first name is Thomas.
[00:37:36]  McGill University.
[00:37:38]  Harvard University, the guy's first name is Harvard.
[00:37:40]  She works at Thomas University.
[00:37:43]  And how does she pronounce Thomas?
[00:37:45]  Tamu May.
[00:37:48]  Tamu May.
[00:37:50]  Thomas.
[00:37:52]  Collis.
[00:37:54]  So wait, she just bails and then corrects the name and that's the name.
[00:37:58]  She does say Thomas.
[00:38:00]  Oh, does she say, it sounds like Thomas.
[00:38:02]  But then she says nothing else.
[00:38:03]  And she's just like, I quit.
[00:38:06]  I quit the rest of your name.
[00:38:09]  Tamu Mei.
[00:38:12]  Thomas.
[00:38:14]  Thomas.
[00:38:16]  Tamu Mei.
[00:38:17]  Someone said to her, Thomas.
[00:38:18]  Off, off my guess.
[00:38:20]  Someone went, Thomas.
[00:38:21]  She didn't even say the last thing.
[00:38:26]  She didn't even say the last thing.
[00:38:28]  Michinlu Liabri.
[00:38:32]  Okay.
[00:38:33]  Are you kidding?
[00:38:35]  McGinu Liabri.
[00:38:38]  McGinu.
[00:38:40]  Megan is, she cannot read.
[00:38:44]  I swear to God, this is how I would read day two after learning to read.
[00:38:48]  Meginlu.
[00:38:49]  I'd work my ass off all of yesterday going, mm, ah, b, k, d, f, g, eh, j.
[00:38:57]  And then I would be like, Magan Luis.
[00:39:02]  Ah, uber.
[00:39:04]  Yeah, it's like day two of reading.
[00:39:07]  Maybe day five, maybe.
[00:39:10]  Jesiku Lynn Boer.
[00:39:14]  Jesiku Lynn Boer.
[00:39:17]  Jisiku Jisiku.
[00:39:21]  Keep going.
[00:39:24]  Did the graphics department also crop out the fucking thing.
[00:39:27]  Look at the J has disappeared, and so has the B and Bachelor.
[00:39:32]  Why is that cropped?
[00:39:33]  And that's the TV.
[00:39:34]  You're seeing the edge of the TV, not the edge of our screen.
[00:39:36]  Right.
[00:39:38]  But like, at the end of that, she should have said, like, those are the weirdest names I've ever heard.
[00:39:44]  I've never heard one of those names before.
[00:39:46]  Why is it this one day I'm hearing names that I've never heard before?
[00:39:50]  Who's Jaseeku?
[00:39:51]  Jaseeku.
[00:39:56]  Efuni Batista Santos.
[00:40:00]  Wow.

=== Month of Free Beer (03:06) ===

[00:40:01]  Great job.
[00:40:02]  Efundi.
[00:40:03]  Yes.
[00:40:04]  Batista Santos is correct.
[00:40:06]  Efundi from Stephanie?
[00:40:09]  Efuni Batista Santos.
[00:40:12]  Efuni.
[00:40:15]  Efuni.
[00:40:17]  Maybe the ST is cropped on her thing?
[00:40:21]  No excuse.
[00:40:23]  That does not.
[00:40:24]  Efuni.
[00:40:26]  That doesn't.
[00:40:27]  Yeah, maybe her monitor is different.
[00:40:28]  That doesn't forgive Stefani Rayanuni or whatever.
[00:40:33]  Alisuna Cole Bishop.
[00:40:38]  Alisuna Cole Bishop.
[00:40:42]  She's getting better.
[00:40:44]  So she sees the A, so it's not a cropping thing.
[00:40:46]  Alessuna.
[00:40:48]  She just throws an A in there.
[00:40:51]  Keep going.
[00:40:55]  I have a headache.
[00:40:56]  I think she's over there doing incantations or something.
[00:41:00]  Is this the same one?
[00:41:06]  I don't know.
[00:41:07]  I'll see if I could find the real one.
[00:41:12]  What else does it say in there?
[00:41:13]  Woman can't pronounce Thomas.
[00:41:14]  She works at Thomas University.
[00:41:16]  May 10th.
[00:41:16]  That's all we have so far.
[00:41:18]  I'll dig.
[00:41:20]  This came from 16.
[00:41:21]  We may have to come back to that.
[00:41:25]  All right.
[00:41:26]  I think I'm going to go behind the paywall.
[00:41:28]  There's too much fun stuff here, and I have a deep-seated resentment against freeloaders.
[00:41:34]  So thank you for tuning in.
[00:41:37]  I guess we'll see you freeloaders on Monday after you get a subscription.
[00:41:41]  Note that it's about a beer a month, a beer in Manhattan a month, maybe with tip, two beers at a cheap place a month, and it's unlimited content.
[00:41:53]  If you watched everything we put up, you're wasting your time.
[00:41:57]  That's too much.
[00:41:57]  You should be out indoors feeling some grass.
[00:42:00]  Me alone, I give you like an hour and a half a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.
[00:42:06]  And we don't just barf out some stuff like, hey, I saw a video.
[00:42:09]  We also do presentations, green screens, sketches.
[00:42:12]  We go out, do streeters.
[00:42:14]  We do sit-downs, Elijah Schaefer, Andrew Wilson.
[00:42:19]  Too much to list.
[00:42:20]  So I'm mad at you for not subscribing.
[00:42:23]  Just go click on it now.
[00:42:25]  What's the promo code where you get a bunch, 20% off, is it?
[00:42:29]  That would be Gavin.
[00:42:30]  Gavin.
[00:42:30]  Promo code Gavin.
[00:42:31]  20% off.
[00:42:32]  So now it's down to $8 a month.
[00:42:34]  So it is a Manhattan beer sans tip.
[00:42:36]  If you want to watch the rest of this for free, sign up with the monthly plan promo code one month.
[00:42:44]  Yes.
[00:42:44]  Oh, yeah.
[00:42:45]  We do a promo code where you can get a month for free just to try it.
[00:42:48]  I promise you, you won't regret it.
[00:42:49]  It's a wee bit of sanity in a what old gone mad.
[00:42:52]  At any rate, subscribers, stick around.
[00:42:54]  I got some crazy movies coming out and stuff like that.
[00:43:02]  Until then, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
[00:43:05]  Time we put them to sleep.