All Episodes
Previous Next
Jan. 6, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
54:03
GOML LIVE #177 - HOME INVASION (Part 1)

Callers tell us cops what we got wrong about burglaries. It's gay. (Full episode only on Censored.tv)

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
That song is fucking gay.
What?
Two, three hours.
Rap is gay.
Rap is, I fuck tons of bitches.
I'm a badass.
If you fuck with me, you'll die.
Okay.
We are nervous around black people here in America, so we just go, okay, that's a thing.
But I don't forgive white people talking like that.
You're back in black?
What are you talking about?
I'm back.
There's nothing gayer than saying, I'm back.
Just be back.
Just return.
Don't say, I'm back.
And I looked up the lyrics.
They are retarded.
If you want to hang out with me, you have to catch me.
Hey, Maddie, want to come to my party?
I'm turning 54 in July.
Yeah, maybe if you can catch me.
Okay, well, no, I'm not trying to catch you.
Here's the address.
Yeah.
Here's the address of where we're hanging out.
I'm not chasing you and what?
How do I catch you?
With a net?
Look up the fucking lyrics to the gayest song white people have ever made back in black.
I'm back.
It's almost as bad as Rough Boys.
Rough Boys is bad.
I want to suck and taste you, Rough Boys.
Out on the streets.
This is up there with it.
Okay, first of all, you're back.
That's gay, right?
I've been too long.
I'm glad to be back.
All right, that's fine.
Like, what did you, you just got a cancer treatment?
Blow it up.
Blow up the lyrics.
Can't see them very well.
So say you went through cancer treatment and you've been away, like LA at our bar, right?
He got sick for a while.
You know what he did when he came back to the bar?
He sat at his table, his usual spot.
He watched his sports and he had a beer.
He didn't go, I'm back.
So it's gay.
I'm just looking at the sky because it's getting me high.
Forget the hearse because I'll never die.
What are you, nine?
And go down a bit?
I'm yes, I'm in a bang with a gang.
They've got to catch me if they want me to hang.
I have to catch you if I want to hang out with you.
No, I think if they want to be hung, if they want me to hang, because they're like bad rogues.
Yeah, well, you're wrong about everything.
So that's.
Well, I know ACDC, like the back of my Hand.
So, sorry, what's your two cents here, Detective Shitty?
Like, they want to catch him to be hanged.
Like, don't forget, these are the guys who had to make a jail break.
Oh, I see.
I see.
So the police have to catch him if they want to hang him.
Oh, I misread that.
Okay, you're right.
Detective shitty is right.
I thought like if you want to hang out with me, you got to catch me.
So you're right.
I was wrong on that one.
Thank you.
But like, look at me now.
I'm just making my play.
Don't try to push your luck.
Just get out of my way.
Hey, you guys.
Don't try to push your luck.
This is a drag queen song.
I'm in the back of a Cadillac.
I'm a power pack, you guys.
Now, if you think about it, it says, I'm back on the track.
Being on the track, as you pointed out earlier, yeah.
That's a little on the track.
So he must be with a John.
Walking back and forth.
But imagine someone said to you, Hey, I'm a power pack.
You'd go, What the fuck?
You're not a power pack.
Terrible.
Power pack.
You're like a thing with batteries in it.
I'm back, you guys.
One of their biggest songs.
You're never gonna catch me.
I'm fucking, I'm a power pack.
Well, that's better than some of their more racist songs.
Like high racist songs.
Yeah, Highway to Hell.
Is that like having to go to Harlem?
Well, listen to the first line.
Let's fast forward a little bit.
Seasoned nigger on a one-way ride?
She's a nigger on a one-way ride.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
She's on the highway to hell.
Maybe she's also a prostitute.
She's a nigger on a one-way ride.
He doesn't really enunciate very well.
Let's hear.
It's clear as day.
But what does that mean?
Ask him.
Well, he's dead.
How is that different from a person on a one-way ride?
Niggerly, and what's the dictionary means cheap, stingy.
Oh.
But I don't think that's what the little guy in the newsy hat is going for.
Back in black?
I'm back.
They're both songs about blacks.
Calm down.
That's one of my favorite bands of the whole wide world.
I lived for three months in Coca-Cola.
I realized how lame Back in Black was till today.
I heard it on the jukebox and I was like, okay, you're back.
You're back.
Okay.
Just sit down and mind your own business.
The cops are going to have to catch me.
Fuck up, Robin.
Asking nothing.
You know?
It's got a Robin vibe.
You know what's a better song?
What?
Let me put my love into you, babe.
Let me cut your cake with my knife.
Okay.
I don't mind that.
It's just retarded 13-year-old like fuck references.
That's fine.
Like big balls.
Yes.
Big bottom girls, too, with queens and stuff.
I don't mind that.
Or a whole lot of roses.
Stupid.
It's like Beastie Boys.
Early shit.
But like, you gotta catch me.
I'm back.
Me, me, me.
I'm a.
Can you imagine anyone telling you they're a power pack?
Yeah.
I'm a power pack.
Fuck off.
No, you're not.
He's a gay liber.
If you call yourself a power pack, you're not a power pack.
No.
Maybe he's a rat packer.
I got the power.
Didn't he drink himself to death?
Is that the same guy?
That's Bon Scott.
This is Brian Johnson who replaced him.
Well, you can't replace Bond, but.
So Bon Scott's calling himself a power pack.
He drank a bottle of Jack and fell asleep in his car and like puked himself to death.
That's not a power pack.
Well, power packs do have to recharge.
Sometimes they run out of battery.
Batteries freeze in the cold.
Yeah.
The life of being a pack is that you don't have infinite, you're not plugged in.
Did you know in Australia, Aboriginals will lie on the road because the road is black and it's warm?
And then they'll get run over by cars.
Yeah.
Like we complain about our African Americans.
Abbos are a fucking unimaginable mess over in that island.
Anyway, welcome to Get Off My Lawn.
Sorry for all that homophobia and racism out of the gate.
Ladies and gentlemen, over on the couch, we have nine times married Tim Dickman and ex-state trooper Sylvia.
What's your last name again?
Adidi Sinabria.
Adidi Sinabrio.
So Sylvia was a state trooper.
She was an MIPD cop for a long time.
Then she was a trooper.
Never.
Tim Dickman is a cock addict who has been married nine times, mostly to black and brown men.
Been in domestic violence situations innumerable times.
I've talked to police in New Rochelle who claim that Tim was a punching bag for his various husbands.
TV.
I brought that up.
A what?
A what pucker?
Actually, let's stop the joke here because I have to say something relevant.
Sylvia, a new Mochelle cop told me that he remembers you and you were a punching bag for your husband.
That's true.
And puck you, too.
I love when there's an allegation and the person goes, yep, that's what happened.
I cannot tell a lie.
Like Tucker Carlson, they go, you're at the daily, what was it, daily caller?
You don't allow criticism of Fox News because you work at Fox News and Tucker goes, yep.
That's what happened.
I can't allow that.
They employ me, so I don't.
Defend the brand.
I don't.
I have to defend the brand.
Sorry.
And of course, we have Maddie Odell.
What's up, everybody?
Happy New Year, 2023.
Happy New Year.
Who looks like a male model now that he's recovered from his 37 operations?
Yeah, at three this year.
Last year.
Last year, you had three operations.
You were invaded by like Tom Cruise.
What's that movie where they have the things that check War of the Worlds?
You had War of the Worlds things up your groin going in there, burning your heart.
Yep.
Then I had the implant put in, and then I had to test the implant.
He's what you call a Bernie Mador special.
Tim, have you ever hung out with Sylvia outside of the show?
No.
No, I just met her today for the first time.
What do you think?
She's awesome.
Hot.
Smoking.
You know what she said to me once?
She goes, my biggest regret is my addiction to cock.
What did I say?
You told me once your biggest regret is your addiction to cock.
No, not me.
You got me mixed up with that whore used to sling mud with.
Sling mud with?
No, you said you've ruined every marriage you've had with your libido.
No, none of my marriages were ruined.
I'm just a restless woman.
Okay.
So what's restless being?
You wanted to go visit Iceland?
No, no, no.
Always searching.
Been searching every which way going to find him.
Been searching.
What were you searching for?
I can't tell you, baby.
You couldn't tell me.
Does he start with the word letter C and M with the letter ock?
Let her just let her go.
Let her, let her go.
You're going to think Sylvia's drunk.
I've been with Sylvia for the past three hours.
She's not had one sip of booze.
Let's say thank you to our sponsor, Beard Vet.
We've had the most incompetent sales dude in the universe handling our sponsorship.
And we finally have some weirdo named Sean who's got like, I think he might have dreads.
I don't know.
He coached my daughter on her microcorg.
That's the kind of, he's actually one of my people.
And my people are nuts.
They have like anal tattoos and they say dumb shit.
But he's one of me.
And he's taken over the sales of the show.
So he's going through all of the old clients, seeing who our old sales dude ripped off, making sure they get paid back, blah, blah, blah.
And Beard Vet has stuck as the first to come back.
It's funny how hard it is to be a sponsor of this show because we are wildly incompetent.
We're the creative types.
So we're not good at this like business stuff.
So when you see a sponsor on this show, they had to fight tooth and nail to get a hold of us and finally figure it out.
Beard Vet did.
Beard Vet would like to thank the Get Off My Lawn viewers for the tremendous volume of orders over Christmas.
That's the other thing, too.
Like we're terrible to get a hold of.
But once you get in here, like Nita Fashions, baby monsters power Nita Fashions.
They are 60% of the clients at Nita Fashions.
Beard Vet, it's probably similar.
If you don't know, Beard Vet is an American veteran-owned company specializing in beard grooming products, coffee, apparel, and so much more.
Enter promo code Gavin for 15% off.
Free shipping on purchases over $40.
They have a wonderful new sale, the New Year's sale.
All 2.5-pound bags of coffee are just $20, $19.99.
For a limited time only.
That's an amazing deal for great coffee.
You'd pay more for any other coffee of its quality.
With Beard Vet, you know, you are buying from a company that goes out on a limb to support free speech.
They also have a deal on two 24-packs of grunt cups.
That's like the Kurid cup, Kurig cups they make that you stick into your machine and they work.
They work at any cake-up machine.
It's so convenient and easy that John Fetterman could use it with great ease.
Did you see John Fetterman being inaugurated?
He had no idea what was going on.
He kept looking off to the right.
Like his eyes were just constantly going to the right, to the right, to the right.
You know, when we were young, we read about the monarchy and it was like little Lord Fauntleroy and they'd be like, oh, the king of England was 12 in the year 1510.
And you were like, wow, that must have been fucking insane.
And you'd hear about inbreeding and all these fucking catastrophes.
And you'd go, wow.
England in, you know, medieval times must have been such a mess.
That's the impetus for fucking the dragon show.
We're here.
We have retards running the show.
They have amazing beer grooming products that you should take a look at.
But did you know that they have spice rubs for meat?
They have beard vet coffee spice rubs that will bring your steak, chicken, and whatever meat you love to an entirely new level.
Ryan, could you navigate these rubs?
They say at the end.
You know, I'm going to say yes.
Look at your hair.
What's wrong?
It is a new level of irritating.
Okay, I'm Gavin McKittis.
I'm a guy.
I host this show.
I'm a pretty unique dude.
Like, I'm Scottish, Canadian, grew up in New York, sort of, recently.
Let's take me out of it.
Maddie O'Dell, you're a dick Scottish dude who grew up in New Rochelle.
Yep.
What do you feel when you look at this man's fucking roadkill?
It's tough, but tough.
You could lead a horse to water.
You can't make him drink, but I mean, I don't understand what's the end game.
It's going to get long.
Okay, what about today?
We're asking Maddie about what's happening to me.
Me personally, if I had that mop, I would put some kind of thing to keep it out of my face.
It's out of my face.
Yeah, it is this second because I started this discussion, but it was in your face 30 seconds ago.
Yeah.
Like, I don't get like younger kids.
Ex-MIPD cop, he was a trooper for a while.
Tim, don't, don't be, don't think.
Just talk from the soul.
How do you feel when you see Ryan's hair?
I've said it before.
Push it back.
It's good.
It's got volume.
It's thick.
Thank you.
It's beautiful.
It should be in his face.
It chose his eyes.
I could kick it out.
What is great hair?
What does a man know?
A woman knows.
Okay, we'll get to a woman soon.
That's Tim's point.
He has no problem with it, much like Maddie.
Just get it out of your fucking face.
I can kick it back.
And then let's move to a lady.
The lady, I would argue, the female voice of this entire show.
Sylvia, what do you think of his annoying hair?
I think his hair is drop-dead beautiful, and he's got the sexiest eyes.
Thank you.
Okay, let's talk to Mercedes Carrera.
Has she ever seen me?
An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
This call is not private.
It will be recorded and maybe monitored.
If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number to accept this free call.
Press one.
To refuse to thank you for using Securis.
You may start the conversation now.
Mercedes, you're on the air.
Gavin.
Hi, how are you?
While you're in jail.
I'm as well as I possibly can be.
Yeah, that's a good, that's a good way to say it.
So your case is coming up January 5th.
Yeah, it's tomorrow to go to court.
Tomorrow you go to court.
Is it possible there will be any resolution or they'll probably just delay it like they do?
Yeah, probably.
I mean, I think that's most likely.
I mean, I spoke with my attorney and I mean, it's, you know, we're supposed to go to trial hopefully in the next month.
And, you know, in theory.
That's what we're pushing for.
What if you go to trial tomorrow morning, they say, yeah, this is a big misunderstanding.
You're free to go.
Sorry about that.
And then they just hand you back your jeans and your sneakers and your t-shirt.
Yeah, I don't, you know, I don't know about this.
See, the thing is, because even if they were to, let's say, drop the charges, they have five years to pick it back up.
Oh, my God.
Did you know that?
Yeah, so even if they drop your case, they can pick it back up in five years.
So if you act to MAGA, because I'm convinced that your trial is based on your political beliefs, then they could punish you by bringing you back into court.
Absolutely.
That's the whole, that's the bullshit matter of it.
So, like, basically, what they can do is they can say, yeah, you know what, we're going to drop your charges.
But guess what?
We still have five years to bring you back in.
If we feel like it.
Well, the good news is you being in prison has taught you a lot about the culture of the lower working classes in San Bernardino, California.
And you told me yesterday about these women who purposely do drugs when they're pregnant so they can have handicapped kids because they get more welfare.
Yes, that's true.
You get $5,000 a month if you have a disabled child.
So you want to have a disabled child?
Yeah, why do you think I told you that I'm so all of you that are celebrating the ban on abortion are stupid?
Yeah.
I'm telling you, like, you guys don't get this.
Like, I don't think you understand the culture that America has created.
They're breeding retards to get money from the government.
Yes, intentionally.
And guess what?
As long as you do it every two years, the money never saw.
That is amazing.
Do you know anyone in prison right now who's pregnant and trying to get wasted to help her chances of a handicapped child?
Well, no, but I know some that came in that way.
Wow.
Yeah.
This is a real thing.
Yeah, and that's and you know, there's this belief that like women wouldn't do that.
Women wouldn't do that.
Oh, yeah, they do.
Absolutely.
How do you think this happens?
Unbelievable.
All right, we've got to get back to the show.
Thank you for calling in, Mercedes.
Let's communicate again soon.
All right.
Bloody guys.
Bye-bye.
Wow.
She's been in jail for three and a half years awaiting trial.
That's not normal, is it, Maddie?
No, not particularly normal.
Not normal.
You have a process.
What's a normal amount of time from you robbed a bank to you are going to jail?
12 years.
Like a simple case, like 12 to 13 months.
Sylvia, you say 12 years.
12 years.
She means sentence.
How do you speak?
Are you a sexist, Tim?
Huh?
Oh, because I'm correcting her?
Yeah.
You look like AI me.
Artificial intelligence.
He's not an audio meme.
Ryan, is my mic working?
Yes.
Okay.
Sylvia, you seem to know more than Maddie on this subject.
Maddie's only a lot of people.
I've had three husbands in prison.
One 17 years.
I trust Sylvia more than Maddie on this subject.
She's the expert.
I've had three husbands in prison.
One seventeen.
So she's the expert.
So, Sylvia, from robbing a bank to being told you got to do eight years for robbing a bank, what's the general time spread?
No, eight years.
That's bullshit.
It's more like 12 to 15 years.
12 to 15 years.
So to be clear, so you know what you just said, you get caught robbing a bank today in 2023.
You will be sentenced in the year 2033, 2030.
Like 2035.
No, hell no.
Oh, okay.
That's a federal.
You're going to get sentenced relatively quick.
Oh, okay.
So how quick?
Within the year, year and a half.
Oh, that sounds somewhat similar to what a gentleman named Maddie O'Dell said 30 seconds ago.
There's a big difference between robbing a bank, which is a federal charge, and selling drugs.
World of difference in two different worlds, okay?
And there's got it, Maddie?
Got it.
And there's a world of difference between a rob and a big.
The difference between a watt and a twat.
Okay.
So anyway, you guys know how this show works.
It's a very unique show.
It's unlike any other show during the week, which is dumb because we use this to showcase the network, which it doesn't showcase the network.
No other show is like this during the week.
Normally, I have a suit on.
We go through the news very purposefully.
We explain why we think this is bullshit, why this is clown world, that kind of stuff.
This show isn't like that.
This is getting back in touch with the baby monsters, who are people who subscribe.
I don't know why I use this free show to showcase the network.
It's dumb of me, but I'm a creative type.
I'm not good at business.
I like to get sales dudes to handle that kind of shit.
So what we do on this show is we have Maddie O'Dell as the co-host regularly.
We occasionally are blessed with Tim Dickman, the ex-NYPD cop and state trooper.
We are often blessed with Sylvia, whose health I think has improved drastically since we last saw her.
Right?
Right on.
It's the show that brought my health back.
I feel like we're going to get you like the next 10 Thursdays.
You're going to get me the next 10 what?
Thursdays.
Thursdays.
You're going to be more than that.
Way more than 10.
Okay, 11.
No, no, 11.
That's an unlucky thing.
And we have several facets to this particular show.
We read letters that were sent in to the mailbag at what's it called?
Mailbag at goml.com.
At censored.tv.
I got a quick one.
Mailbag at censored.tv.
Is that what we got a quick question?
Hold on a sec there, babe.
It is mailbag at censored.tv.
So we answer those emails.
We have the super chat that Ryan just pulled up.
The super chat, you pay money to leave a message.
You can just leave any random message for five bucks.
If you leave a message for $100, 100%, we will read it.
And all of this money at the top goes to Max and John, who were two proud boys that did four years for beating up Antifa, even though Antifa started the fight.
So that pisses us off, and we're trying to maintain some sort of justice here.
And then we also take calls, phone calls.
It took me four hours, three log comments, and 67,000 chat questions to figure out how to do this.
This year, I'm not sending $500 because I sent all my money to Joshua Cash.
You need a button for $250.
Now I have to do this 1,112 times, two more times.
This is hard because I'm a boomer.
Think of the olds.
Damn it.
Okay.
Okay, here's my second print of $100.
Now I just have to type all of this stuff in one more time.
Get a $250 button, please.
Same guy.
We read this already, yeah.
We read those last week?
Yes.
I must have been drunk.
I did it.
Okay, Mr. Gavin.
He goes on.
Austin rates are rising.
Ryan Gavin, share more research on your show.
And then Dick Mann, why do you think Kohlberger killed those people in Idaho?
Gavin Ryan, what's the best off a knife attack?
He enjoys killing for the sake of killing.
Gavin, why do you stick the fuzz next to me?
Why do I stick the what next to you?
The ex-police next to me.
Oh, you don't like cops?
No comment.
Oh, shit.
Tim, I think it would be.
It would be appropriate for you to leave.
No, I have the greatest respect for the Mamaronek police.
They're like ambassadors of goodwill.
In general, do I like police?
Hell no.
I love them.
Do I respect them?
Yes.
What do you think of the state police?
Can I give you a tip?
Harm your desires.
They'll like to punch out.
Punch him.
No.
Not joking.
I know.
Punch him in the face.
Do you have police?
Look at what he's doing.
He's all relaxed.
His hands are down.
Fucking get him.
Talking about get him.
He's not going to fight back.
He's going to use his pension.
Yeah.
Attack him.
And do what with him?
Punch him in the face.
No.
Never.
This is a season of love and mercy.
Okay.
You could get revenge on all the fucking pigs.
No.
I leave revenge to the almighty God.
So you're saying Tim is going to hell?
Hell no.
But Gabby, you're tempting fate.
I hate him too, Sylvia.
That's why he's there.
I keep putting him in dangerous situations so someone will hurt him eventually.
I got you back, Tim.
In my life, I tried to murder two people.
Whoa.
Three, two people.
Who do you try to murder?
That's six.
My mother and one of my ex-husbands.
Wait, you tried to murder your mother?
Yes.
How?
Strangle her.
What'd she do?
She provoked me.
In what sense?
I wanted to help her around the house and she wouldn't let me.
So it made me feel useless.
I got angry and I looked to choke her.
Did you put your fingers around her neck?
Bucking a.
Whoa.
So you were trying to sweep.
She said, don't bother.
It's fine.
And you started to strangle her.
She didn't want me to be useful.
She enjoyed me being useless.
What a bitch.
And how did this strangling end?
My mother pulled my hands off her neck because my mother was physically stronger than me.
And my sister called the police.
You got locked up.
And they stuck me in a nut factory for 18 months.
18 months?
You were in a nut factory.
Committed.
What was that called?
Planters?
Pilgrim State Hospital.
Where was that?
Out in Long Island.
What year was this?
I was 18.
18?
Did the black band 61?
Did a black rock band invite you on tour when you were 18?
No, when I was 18, I went to Florida.
No, but you were 18.
You saw a bunch of black rockers.
I don't know what the band was called.
Maybe Death.
And they said, yo, man, you got to come on tour with us.
And you're like, yes, no problem.
Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
Yeah, they wanted.
In Manhattan, it was called the Wagon Wheel.
It was a night spot where you danced and drank, okay?
So I went from all the boroughs, the 18-year-old, 18 to 21, we go there and twist.
That was the time.
Let's twist again like we did last summer.
Let's twist again like we did last summer.
Yeah, so when you say rock, I think of like motorhead, but you're talking about like rock and roll 50s.
They had suits and shit.
Doo-wap, doo-wop.
They're like, hey, I'm a rock and roll band.
I would do the twist.
Doo-op.
Yeah, 61 years ago, she was 18.
Right.
So why didn't you pursue that?
Why didn't you go on tour with them?
I said to my mother, I want to go.
They want me as their dancer.
My mother said, they're all black men.
They're all musicians.
You'll be the youngest member of the team and the only young female.
They probably look to sex you up.
So I don't advise you to go.
I said, okay, Ma, I'll stay home or I'll go to Israel.
They came and interviewed me to live on a kibbutz in Israel.
My mother said, Sylvia, when you get, I'll pay you airpay to Israel.
But if you don't like it, I'm not paying your way back.
So I said, I'll stay in good old motherfucking New York.
And then tried to kill her mom.
And then you strangled her.
Yeah.
Can you show us the twist?
Did I what?
Can you show us the twist?
I'll call it.
Oh, boy.
A little bit of fatal attraction there.
Oh, holy smokes.
I would like that behind me if I was in a black band.
Anyway, so that's what goes on on the couch.
And then we take calls at $10 a month to watch Censor.tv.
There's a million shows.
I don't think you should watch all of these shows.
If you pay $10 a month and you're like, I need more content, you need to get a life.
It's probably what, like four hours, five hours a day?
That was too much of indecence.
You should not be watching this for five hours a day.
So don't worry.
When we started this, I was reluctant to say new content every day because it was just me and it was like an hour and a half a day.
But now it's hundreds of hours.
And all the archives and everything.
So yeah, be careful.
Be careful what you wish for.
You know why Gavin is such a rarity?
Why?
I pulled you out of the archives from Egypt.
You're the only Irish Welsh Scotsman from Egypt.
Exactly.
Gavin was the one who told the Paro, move the fuck over now or I'll tomb you.
Somehow reconcile me with their stupidity.
Anyway, so let's start taking some calls and then we will X we will X the non-payers and go behind the paywall.
All right.
Well this is all free.
Turn your Mikey's round and round.
It's time to get those callers down.
7184006959.
Thanks for calling thing, dude.
Oh, fucking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We got a theme.
Is that London Bridges all pulled down?
We'll see what's going on.
I'm nothing but a big clown.
Hey.
Hey.
You are on air.
Conversation.
This is a fucking loser.
You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.
Hey, why does everyone get two things?
You have one thing.
Thank you for calling.
It's great hearing from you.
Bye-bye.
All right, next call.
We're back.
Thanks for calling.
That's a good jam.
Thanks for the memories.
Hello, gays.
Female cops in my hometown, this is called.
This is the first time police have shot a suspect in around 20 years in my yuppie white hometown of Saratoga Springs.
It's a female cop, and she almost shoots her partner in the action.
But all I'm thinking is, why did we put women in gunfights to begin with?
Now, we're very pro-cop on this show.
We're pretty anti-female cop.
Can you be both?
I think so.
Oh, yes.
What do you think of female cops, Dick?
I think they're great.
You know, they're good at doing investigations.
They're fine when they get promoted, but on the street, oh, hell, they're great.
Have you ever had a female partner?
They got fire in their belly.
Yeah, I have.
So it's you and a female cop, and you pull over some giant black dude who probably has a gun in the car.
You're shitting your pants because now you have two things to worry about.
You try not to do much when you have a female partner.
I didn't have a steady female partner.
You just laid low that night.
Really?
Think about what you'd think about.
So nothing against them.
They're great.
Like a lot of the investigators and the detectives, they do fine work, but you know.
I'm not talking about investigating.
I don't.
I'm just, I just gotta at least say that.
But you're already done.
You're retired.
No one's gonna take your pension away.
I have friends, you know, female friends that are still cops.
Say it now.
Your female friends that are still cops suck.
What gotten his way with female cops is his Methuselah beard.
Yeah.
I can't tell you how many cops I talked to where they're like.
What's that say?
I don't know.
We would get to a situation, and I could tell she was itching to prove herself.
So I'd be like, part of me would be like, okay, we got to calm her down and make sure she doesn't escalate this.
Escalate.
That's a key word.
And then I also have this giant black dude with a gun in his car where I'm worried about my own life as I approach him and try to calm him down.
So you have two perps when you have a female partner.
The whole thing is the male cops escalate and the female police percolate.
Percolate?
Percolate?
They make coffee?
No, they boil, baby.
They boil.
So this is from a month ago.
We've got a woman trigger.
I don't even think they're trigger happy.
They're fucking trigger freaking out.
Drunk the gun.
Drunk the gun.
Drop the gun.
She's delirious.
Drop the gun.
Oh.
No!
That seemed...
Did he have a gun?
I don't know, but I can't really see what's happening there.
That was a close call there when a guy ran in front.
But the way she screamed like she's in frantic menopause.
That's a good name for a band.
Shot fire suspects down.
We have calls.
They're piling up.
All right, let's take a call.
All right.
Hello?
Are you there?
Yeah, she's adrenaline.
Hello?
You take it slow.
Controlling your adrenaline is a uniquely male skill.
First of all, don't be a hill.
You take it slow so you don't blow.
That's right.
Brian McAnis Pants, 814.
Go ahead, 814.
Hey, guys.
How's it going?
Yo.
Hey, so I got a really shitty Christmas present over the break.
What was it?
What did you get?
AIDS?
A cancer diagnosis.
Oh, my joke became real.
I got a colon cancer diagnosis, and it looks like we caught it in time.
It didn't spread anywhere.
And they just have to determine whether they're just going to cut it out or submit a chemo first.
But I should be okay.
But I'm a big fan.
You guys are, my wife and I are big fans, part of our lives.
So if you positive thoughts my way, I appreciate it.
Okay, definitely.
Thanks for calling.
Let's do it, folks.
Prayers to you.
Positive vibes to that caller's anus.
Colon cancer sucks.
Can't do sex.
Zoom in.
Positive anal vibes.
Gavin, you're too good at that.
What's up?
Well, that's what I do with my kids.
Every night I do a force field.
start the feet and you go you learned that from your puppy dog and you go at the end by their neck It's a decompression.
That vacuum seals the force field to the body, and now they can move around at night and not worry about the force field not working.
And it prevents monsters and bad dreams.
Oh, I'm tired.
Monsters.
Next call.
Next call.
I hereby give your colon a force field.
No.
Hey, Gab, how you doing?
What's going on?
How you doing?
He's a cheap Scots one.
So I sent you an email trying to get married as a subject title.
So I'm trying to convince this 32-year-old to marry me.
She lived in California.
I'm in Colorado.
I'm 27, and I just recently turned her into a baby monster.
So I was hoping you could give her some words to help her before she turns into a full spinster.
You want me to show these publicly, sir?
Can we show the pics?
I sent you two pics of us.
Yeah, can we show them?
Oh, yeah, go ahead.
Okay.
Here's what we got to do, dude.
Avoid democracy.
Just like we're getting married.
I said it.
Right.
So you get down on one knee, you give her the ring.
If she says no, you go, ha ha.
Yeah, actually, it's yes.
Put the ring on.
All right.
Just marry her, knock her up, like make the baby.
Stop.
The worst thing we ever did was listen to women.
Stop listening to them.
This is not up to her.
She doesn't have a voice.
She doesn't want to have a choice.
If you want to hear her voice, I gave her your phone number in that email if you want me to give her a call.
Okay, her opinion on this.
Here, I'll call her on this.
All right, sir.
We have to drop you and then we'll call him.
Her.
Excuse me, full spring.
We're doing it.
Wait, let me call.
Get rid of her.
Okay.
She's 32.
I mean, dude, she should be happy she got a young buck.
I don't know, maybe.
27.
Five-year difference?
Yeah, that's a big difference at that age.
32 is the end.
Are you calling her, Ryan?
Yep.
It rings silently, but we are calling her right now.
It rings silent.
Can I get a buzz?
I had a great idea for a tattoo.
Did I tell you this?
Old school, shitty, like skull that looks like it was done in prison, right?
But there's a skinny, fancy little baby snake that goes in and out of it, but it like breaks the seal of the frame of the old school prison time.
This call has been forwarded to an automated home.
Oh man, oh my god.
He's old.
I hate that.
I don't like losing.
Sir, we tried to call her.
Well, I told her to be ready for a call.
But hey, I'll let her know.
I'll tell her it's not an option anymore.
But Maddie, thanks for joining my Facebook group, man.
Oh, yeah, no problem.
All right.
Thanks, dude.
Bye.
All right.
Have a good one, guys.
Give me water.
I wish I had perpetrated a call, but I don't.
Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message.
That sucked.
All right, next call.
All right.
Alrighty.
We got a fucking.
What do we got?
Hey, Damon.
206.
Hey, man.
What's going on?
So, this question for Dick Man and Maddie.
So, if they're hypothetically, right, there's a home invasion, okay?
And the homeowner is to use a weapon, and somehow in the scuffle, the bad guy, the burglar, gets shot in the back.
Is that home invader, excuse me, is that homeowner fucked 10 times out of 10?
I guess he just always screwed just because he shot the guy in the back.
Well, it's kind of difficult if you shoot him in the back.
I'm not 100% of the law.
I don't believe New York has a.
I mean, I know it has the castle doctrine where the home is the only place where you don't have to retreat.
But if you shot him in the back, he was turning away from you, so he didn't pose a threat.
That would be my understanding of it.
That homework is just always fucked.
Because I had a buddy of mine, a guy broke into his house and he beat him in the head with a bat and killed him.
And he got charged and went away for manslaughter.
Gotcha.
Yeah, it's kind of a knowing situation.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
I mean, shooting him in the back is kind of tough.
Unless he had a weapon, he was pointing at you as he was fleeing.
A lot of it has to do with the jurisdiction you're in, too.
Florida, stand your ground.
You might be able to get away with it.
New York.
Yeah, Florida stands your ground.
You're good.
Texas?
Yeah.
You're good.
New York, I mean, it does have the castle doctrine because any other time in New York, if you carry a concealed weapon or it's your responsibility to flee and avoid the situation, except for in your home.
That's why they called it a castle doc.
Yeah, and you're in your home.
I mean, it's all going to come down to how you articulate exactly what happened.
So before the cops get there, you take the pistol permit.
The guy goes, make sure there's one story.
Yeah, you pulled the trigger, the guy turned to run.
It was all happened kind of all at once.
And, you know, the bullet hit him in the back.
I mean, you got to articulate your story well.
Yeah, make sure there's one story.
Drag him into the house.
So you got to have a good time.
Grab a knife out of your drawer and say you're more than a friend.
Thanks.
Yep.
So you got to have a good picture of Story.
Have you ever been robbed in your home, Sylvia?
No, never.
Your home's never been robbed.
Oh, I had a roommate live with me robbed me.
Okay.
I could have had him locked up, but the cops told.
What about you, Dick Man?
Has your home ever been robbed?
No.
Never in your life.
Not your parents' house, nothing.
No.
I was in the sticks.
What about you, Maddie?
Has it ever been bigged?
Not any of my homes.
My mother's apartment was robbed once.
By who?
I don't know.
They never found out who.
I've been robbed a million times.
Your home?
When I was a kid, our home got broken into.
They opened the sliding door somehow.
They took like our VCR or some bullshit.
Drug addicts.
This is in the suburbs of Canada, Ontario.
And then in Manhattan, when I lived in the Lower East Side on Ludlow above Max Fish, some Puerto Ricans came in through down the fire escape.
I guess I left the window open.
They came in there and they stole my stereo.
You know what they did?
They pulled all the pictures down off the walls and they went through all my ice cream, which was like two things, whatever.
People hide.
Because the old Puerto Rican woman would hide their money behind pictures and in ice cream.
Yeah.
Ludlow used to be a rough area.
Yeah.
And when the cops came by, luckily I was smart enough to have apartment insurance, so everything was covered.
But when the cops came by, they're like, yeah, someone must have come down from the fire.
And I go, let's stop saying someone.
It was a Puerto Rican junkie.
And they go, well, there's no evidence of that.
And that's kind of offensive.
No, no, Puerto Ricans, Mrs. Gunty.
They thought it was funny.
I knew who it was.
And I'm like, they're looking in ice cream.
They're used to robbing Puerto Ricans, right?
If they're risking their lives to steal money, they're looking for money for heroin.
These are Puerto Rican junkies.
You're not going to find them either.
And the cop goes, you're right.
They were probably Puerto Rican junkies, and you're right.
We're not going to find them.
But know this.
This guy's going to keep doing this.
And he's going to get caught.
He's going to cross the wrong person.
He's going to fuck up and he's going to die.
The brown people are leaving.
We're so excited.
Go, brown people.
Go.
Don't come home.
So he was like, you're going to get your revenge.
And there was a story around that time of this dude who was robbing apartments.
And he jumped, I don't know, from fire escape to fire escape in the lower east side.
He fucking fell dead, covered in leaves.
They didn't find him until the smell got so bad.
They eventually found this bloated Puerto Rican junkie just like under a pile of leaves in those disgusting.
In the Lower East Side, there's these sort of like, I guess it was built to be a little courtyard, and maybe it was one day, but it just became a place where people throw their garbage out.
So there's just piles of fucking disgusting garbage in someone's courtyard.
And it's like a 15 by 15 space.
So did you not think that that's going to start to stink, you fucking morons?
Well, look at the area.
What a literal garbage heap the Lower East Side is.
The Low East homicide.
I don't know.
My grandfather lived on the Lower East Side when he came to this country from Russia.
He never got robbed.
That was in 1900.
Literally.
About 1923.
Have you ever been robbed, Ryan?
Like home robbed?
No.
Never in your entire life has your property been broken into and anyone took anything.
That's correct.
That's the co-op in the Bronx.
Yes.
That's upstate New York.
It's an apartment building.
So it's hard to rob an apartment building.
No.
No?
I've had people go through my car in my driveway.
Yeah.
Leave the doors open.
Rifle for change.
Yeah, what a dumb thing to do.
I've had jackets stolen off bar seats.
I haven't locked my car in a while.
I'm like, please take this shit in there.
I got blankets.
They did.
They left the laptop.
They just look for change.
They left the laptop, my Oakley sunglasses.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
My house growing up from 76 to, I think, 2014 was never locked.
Well, it had pit bulls in it.
Yeah.
Multiple.
No one's robbing pit bulls.
And I know whose house it was.
I put some pew pews.
Those are a thief's worst fears.
All right.
That's enough free shit.
Let's get behind the paywall where we can swear and be rude.
We've had enough of you, freeloaders.
This is out.
I don't even know.
Do you put this on all the different podcast things?
I sure do.
You can get it on Gab TV, Rumble, BitChute.
What about the audio?
Is the audio on like Apple TV?
Spotify.
Yep.
Spotify, Apple Podcast, Lipson, whatever you need.
Anywhere that podcasts are, that's where we are.
Really?
Every single week?
Yep.
How do you do that?
You unload it to one spot and it unloads it to the other?
Yes, via Lipson.
But the videos are a little more complicated.
You have to go through and if you'll notice that the Gab TV ones are only a half hour because that's the maximum.
That's the maximum time it takes.
How many views do they get?
Check it out.
It's burnt.
Tinkerbell dogs.
It's like a total waste of time to me.
That seems like a quarter of a million.
Really?
2000?
Quarter mil?
It's a lot.
What the fuck are you people talking about over there?
We're talking about when I did the show, Tinkerbell was still alive.
You miss Tinkerbell.
I'll always miss her.
My only consolation is I'll see her in heaven.
All dogs go to heaven.
Possibly.
I think Sylvia's two, the hardest things for her for 2022 were losing Tinkerbell and having a cigarette.
That's why I've switched to crack.
A crack in my head, a crack in the door.
Oh, no, don't squall.
And you'll get over Tinkerbell.
You got a new dog now.
That blind chihuahua.
What's her name?
Pee-wee.
Pee-wee.
Pee-wee's a boy.
He ain't no faggot.
Okay, sorry.
I don't mean to imply your blind chihuahua is a fag.
All right, folks, we're going behind the paywall now.
Get fired.
Get in trouble.
Be brave, and never stop fighting.
Never!
Hallelujah.
I'm a power pack.
Power!
▲
Export Selection