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June 10, 2022 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:34:56
S4E127 - COGNITIVE DISSIDENTS
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Time Text
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness, who else lies,
blows lights, she's a lost guard, she's a lost lost car one more time.
She's a lost guard, she's a lost lost car cosmic psychos been around since I was 12 years old, 1982.
You can't have a video for that?
You've been around for fucking half a century almost, and you don't have videos for all your shit?
That's the language we speak.
You know, that video for the show on June 25th in Orlando, it sold us about 300 tickets.
Then we sent out a mass email.
We only have 25,000 subscribers, but we've had 50,000 total.
So we still have all those emails.
So we sent out a mass email.
50,000 people got us three more tickets.
It's weird how that works.
And then I told you the other day about that influencer who put up one of my brother's fiancé's cakes.
She makes cakes for a living.
And 3 million views got her two followers on Instagram.
So this shit doesn't work.
Mass email, mass spamming, fucking influencers.
It's all a house of cards.
Now videos work because they see you and they get psyched and they go, oh, that's the food network guy.
Oh, that's the Opi and Anthony guy.
Oh, that's the vice war criminal.
Speaking of war criminals, someone sent me Shane Gillis's podcast.
I wonder if I could get him in for a sit-down.
That would be so sick.
Can you try contacting him on Twitter?
Actually, let me write it.
Okay.
That's a weird place to be.
Yeah, that is weird.
I stopped making fun of him.
He was just talking about how he went alt-right, and he says, you know, I got here as a non-liberal.
I don't even consider.
He says, I disagree with everything Republicans believe in.
But he goes, I got here with all the lies.
Like they said, Trump said Mexicans are rapists.
And I went, fuck, that's terrible.
That's not true.
So I looked it up.
And no, he didn't say that.
He said, of the illegal aliens coming across, a disproportionate number of them are rapists, which is just a fact.
80% of the women who come across the border get raped by the coyotes.
Not the animal, the name of the smuggler.
And so then he starts going, fuck these people.
They're all lying.
And I'm going to get to that in a second.
The constant lying.
But let me hear my name because I'm an egomaniac.
I'm fucking watching Gavin McGinnis.
Yeah.
Like, this guy is smart.
Yeah.
That's where I'm at.
That's weird.
It is weird.
Because I saw we fucked Fox Ears in Mexico.
Imagine being so crazy, you think I'm smart?
What a weird place to be.
You think he's smart because the president's thing.
I was like, this guy's fucking smart.
It's so crazy.
I'm listening to Gavin McInnes.
So we covered the meandering last night.
It was fucking ridiculous.
I heard that James O'Keefe was watching it with us, watching our live stream of it.
We should get him in on the next live stream.
He can sit in Sylvia's spot.
He can take her place.
But look up Proud Boys on Twitter.
Because you watch garbage like that and change this background to the meandering.
We're getting right into it.
I'm not even going to do the start the show thing.
Okay, do the start the show thing.
That requires a pivot, and I'm pivoting right now.
So we're getting all systems engaged, ready to go, and to start the show.
Whoa, and there it goes.
Yeah, let's get into the meandering.
I just sent you Ashley St. Clair's tweet about her favorite part of all this, and you've seen it a million times, but it's important to juxtapose last night's insane footage and fucking Benedict Arnold's Nick Quested talking about how violent the,
what was it called?
The lower hallway or something?
Lower terrace.
And it's important to juxtapose that with, of course, this famous scene, right?
Fucking hey, man.
Glad to see you guys.
You guys are fucking patriots.
Look at this guy.
He's got covered in blood.
God bless him.
He's in jail now for four years, I'm in.
I got shot in the face.
Where are they?
I got shot in the face with some kind of plastic bullet.
Any chance I could get you guys to leave the Senate wing?
Wait, wait, I'm a microshow that ain't disrespect in the place.
Okay, just want to let you guys know this is like the sacredest place.
He's southern and white.
He must be a white supremacist.
So check out fucking AOC17.
So this is her reaction.
And she's mortified.
So mad.
This is fucking amazing.
But millions of people are watching her going, yep, that's true.
It's intense.
I don't even know how long I'm going to be on live because I'm so angry.
We're doing a live.
We're doing a live.
We're doing a live.
Shut up.
You weren't there.
And minor detail.
I was scared for my life.
We're four buildings away?
Having to relive that footage that I saw on my phone because I was safely away from it.
You and I were in equal danger that night.
It's not just me.
This is everyone.
Everyone.
Hello, everybody.
Hello.
In case you haven't seen the video.
She gives Puerto Ricans the same name that they've always had, to be honest.
Which is a bad name.
Yeah, she confirms.
January hearing.
Puerto Ricans' bad name.
She perpetuates exactly what we all know to be true, which is we're lazy retards.
But we have soul.
Just replayed.
Or rather, just played.
And not only did they replay footage, but they revealed new footage from that day.
Uh-oh.
Like what?
What did we learn?
I didn't learn anything.
I heard some theories.
They revealed new information.
Okay.
What do we got?
Shocking information.
Information like Republican members of Congress were seeking pardons before the insurrection.
What?
Stop.
They're so bad at their job that when I hear something meaty like that, I go, good.
Finally.
An allegation that's bad.
And by the way, if Republican senators before a riot were trying to get pardon for an imminent riot, well, that's proof that they knew this was going to happen.
And that's proof that Republican senators planned this and had guys ready to riot.
Well, butter my biscuit and call me French toast.
That is a big fucking deal.
So I look it up, kind of hoping it's true.
Because at least that would justify the fact that everyone you see behind me is in prison.
At least you could fight that.
Yeah.
It's like a swarm of gnats.
It's like you can't fight that.
She's lying.
Oh.
It was after the riot.
Pretty big detail, my dear.
The chronology is everything in a crime.
Seeking a pardon before is very different from seeking a pardon after.
As you will see, said Dick Cheney's gorgeous daughter, Representative Perry contacted the White House in the weeks after Jan 6 to seek a presidential pardon.
After Jan 6, AOC, after, Cheney then added, multiple other Republican congressmen also sought presidential pardons for their roles in attempting to overturn the 2020 election.
Yes, they didn't want to go to jail for bullshit.
So they asked Trump for help.
All lies.
So many fucking lies.
So now if I ever debate a liberal, which doesn't happen anymore, they won't go near me, I'm just going to just assume that everything they say is a lie.
I used to give them the benefit of the doubt because I would often know them.
And then in the Uber on the way home, I would check my phone and realize that they got the date wrong, they got the number wrong.
They always get the time wrong.
Obama had the best economy in history.
And then you look it up and it was like, no, it was the best first month after a terrible previous month or some bullshit like that.
And he had the worst recovery in history, actually.
But just for fun, to see what other people are saying, let's look at proud boys on Twitter and see the general consensus.
It's usually stuff like, why are they calling themselves boys?
Yeah, probably because they're not men.
Should the club be called the proud men?
Not so proud now.
Yeah.
What are they proud of?
I don't know.
Creating the modern world, that's pretty cool.
Why don't you look around the room you're in and Westerners made everything you're looking at?
Takeaways.
The Proud Boys like tacos.
Ivanka's still beautiful.
Liz Cheney is a drone.
There were no guns.
Four oppressors died.
No cops died.
Correct.
That wasn't the takeaway.
Those are all true.
From in cells to in cells.
I like the pun, but that's false.
In cells.
They're all married.
Usually to black women.
It's a good pun.
It is not based in reality.
Yeah.
So fail.
The Proud Boys are a domestic terrorist organization.
This is Rick Wilson from the Lincoln Project, which was completely shamed.
And the main guy was grooming young boys to fuck.
So the fact that that would still be in your bio blows my mind.
Like, don't you have to move to Morocco now and change your name to Rickahad Wilson Nohamed?
How is he still going?
Sucks.
Proud Boys USA, they push that one a lot, right?
The gay one, reclaiming our name.
Again, just like the incel thing.
I smoked the Proud Boys.
What does that mean?
First black justice on the Supreme Court to fuck around and find out what?
Is that good or bad?
If you think slapping another man in the face on TV is outrageous behavior, wait until I tell you about the people who tried to overthrow the government.
Holy shit, what a fucking nerd.
Too dumb.
Are you dumb or a nerd?
And then he, what, is he retweeting Julie?
Oh, no, these are other ones.
Yeah.
Who else thinks the DOJ should name the Proud Boys?
Okay.
Call to activism.
This is what Twitter is now.
It's a far-left cesspool.
Check testimony by Officer Edwards.
She mentions how Ryan Samsell whispered in the ear of Joe Biggs before the first breach of the perimeter, but skipped over Ray Epps whispering in Samsell's ear seconds before Samsell knocked down bike racks.
Why?
Yeah.
Yeah, Julie Kelly, was that the one who was on Bannon Show?
I think so, right?
Yeah.
We were told that she's bad by some chick who was too scared to come on the show.
And she's not.
She's awesome.
You can tell how ignorant someone is by the amount of times they reference Proud Boys in their insurrection tweets.
Yeah, that's a good point.
This is actually pretty good.
This week's indictment of five Proud Boys and the exceedingly rare crime of seditious conspiracy was timed to coincide with hype of Proud Boy focused J6 hearing.
By the way, speaking of that, did you know this?
The Capitol Police were facing a major budget cut.
Something like a $1.6 million budget cut.
Guess what they have now?
A $2 billion surplus.
So Yeah.
And it reminded me of that black dude who was crying.
Look, go to 1.5.
This is why.
I think the Capitol Police may have been in on this.
That's why there was only one officer.
So whoever's in charge of the Capitol Police could have said, look, a riot tomorrow with us getting fucked up would be really good for business.
And if any shit goes down, you got to ham it up.
Like, say you get knocked down near a bike rack.
Say they whipped a bike rack at your head and you had to fight hand-to-hand combat for two hours.
You know that wood thing with the pegs that you train on?
That's what she does.
Wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off.
But go back to that link.
Okay, go down, way down, down, down, down.
God, she's hot.
I'd love to be that bike rack.
Doodly dupe.
Oh, stop.
They keep saying Ivanka Trump stabbed Donald Trump in the back, and he's mad at her.
No, she said, I don't think there was any election fraud.
I haven't seen any evidence.
And then he said, Ivanka wasn't really involved in the election process.
And she was just being reverent to the investigation.
That's a nothing burger.
Go down.
She's 55, I discovered.
Keep going.
Keep going.
Remember that you said the black security guard?
That's him.
That's the black security guard.
Look at that.
You know you're really crying when you have two separate streams.
Is that Dante Tiro?
Like, usually the way tears work is they well up in the corner of your eye, then the convex meniscus becomes so turgid that the levee breaks and you have one line that goes down.
He's got so many tears.
They're coming from two different areas.
I mean, that's beyond cry, baby.
Baby, look at this other woman.
That's the cop, the wife of SickNick, who died of, did not die on January 6th.
He had heart trouble.
He died days later, not because of the riots, but whatever.
And then I was looking at that guy, and I'm like, wait a minute, I know that retarded face.
That's the fucking liar who kept saying everyone was screaming the N-word, which we officially have replaced with beach ball.
They were saying, get that fucking beach ball.
And he did a testimony.
Where is it now?
Yeah, 1.6.
Where they were yelling about the votes, the votes don't matter.
And then he said, I voted for Biden.
Does that matter?
And then someone went, well, looky here, boys.
This beach ball voted for Biden.
I will circumcise myself, then cast my used piece of skin into a, I'll give it to a jeweler's mold to make a gold ring of my foreskin and give it to you as a gift.
If anyone yelled the N-word at that thing.
Can we see some video?
Hundreds of thousands of hours of video.
How about this guy's fucking lies?
Look at this black dir.
But in this circumstance, I responded, well, I voted for Joe Biden.
Does my vote not count?
Am I nobody?
That prompted a torrent of racial epithets.
Oh, no.
One woman in a pink man.
So wait a minute.
A torrent of racial epithets.
So they called him coon, jungle bunny, like all of the different spade, all the...
He's only one race.
It's not like he's you, and you can call him a spic and a nip.
Brian Spicnip.
Someone is sitting there with like a thesaurus coming up with all the different bad words for black.
A torrent of racial epithets.
Or was it just an N-word again and again and again and again?
You hear that, guys?
This nigger voted for Joe Biden.
That may have to be a drop.
What an obvious lie.
And their budget cuts went from negative $1 million to positive $2 billion.
Again, journalists, that's a scoop.
There you go.
That's a huge fucking story.
And you don't have to be partisan about it.
Just bring it up.
Say, odd coincidence that capital was facing.
Or you could just bring up the subject.
You know, many ponder the strange budget cut conversion to a surplus.
Odd timing.
Yeah.
You know, like thinking people do.
And then finally on the meandering, the guy producing it, James Goldston, he's the guy who kiboshed the Epstein story.
He's not a newsman.
He's a showman.
Showmanship.
That's what last night was.
It was a pantomime.
It was Barnum and Bailey.
That's him right there.
You killed the Jeffrey Epstein story, sir.
Was it you?
Stop.
Former ABC News president James Goldston to help dramatize primetime hearings.
He's the guy.
It was unbelievable what we had.
Clinton, we had everything.
We would not put it on the air.
First of all, I was told who's Jeffrey Epstein.
No one knows who that is.
This is a stupid story.
Then the palace found out that we had her whole allegations about Prince Andrew and threatened us a million different ways.
We have footage of Amy Roebuck saying that ABC News executives killed her Jeffrey Epstein story some years ago.
Do you have a comment, sir?
I dunno.
I dunno.
Did you kill the Jeffrey Epstein story, sir?
Was it you?
I have not killed it.
So if you have a comment, sir, now would be a good time.
I dunno.
thank you.
There will come a day when we will realize Jeffrey Epstein was the most prolific pedophile this country has ever known.
I had it all three years ago.
You can't watch Good Morning America without being a Disney princess, Marvel Avenger.
The commercial imperative is incompatible with news.
The commercial imperative is incompatible with news.
Well summed up, ABC.
By the way, the Tucker Carlson documentary on Gen 6 is amazing, and it really focuses on Ray Epps, who was not brought up once last night.
But another great doc that a guy named Matthew Odell turned me on to is the Gateway Pundits doc on it.
That's 1-3.
God, the Gateway Pundits website is a nightmare.
I fucking hate it.
If the National Inquirer was a website.
How much money do you get from all these intrusive ads?
If it's $1,000 a month, I'll pay you.
Look at that.
Solar panels.
Neuropathy.
Go down.
Teaspoon, empty stomach, fat burner.
Fuck.
Look at that.
A whole other round.
How much did you get for those?
It's pennies.
And it just ruins the article.
Isn't there some rich conservative who can just float you some fucking cash?
No, so I'm guessing something.
A person hurt their foot in the riot.
And then they use this machine.
It looks like a bomb.
I bet you it's nothing a month.
But let's just click on that for a second.
It's 45 minutes long.
Six minutes.
You've got to watch a fucking ad about foot remedies.
That's on Rumble.
You believe Asians believe that massaging parts of your foot can cure glaucoma?
Wow.
Have you seen those?
Their culture's 40,000 years old.
You think you'd be pretty smart?
If I was 40,000 years old, I'd be really smart.
And they have a map of a foot and like the baby toe, it connects to your liver and your pituitary gland.
And then this part of the foot, that's your vision.
What?
Ever heard of trial and error?
Ever heard of placebos?
The fuck are you doing, you weirdos?
Is there anything weirder than China?
Eating a boiled turtle, walking backwards at night?
Look out your window in Beijing.
Well, first of all, they drink nothing but tea, so they don't sleep regularly.
They're drinking caffeine at all times.
So you'll walk around at night in Taiwan, where I used to live, and you'll just see people playing poker or whatever their stupid card game is at like four, five, all night long.
And then, of course, they just crash the next day on the train, just sitting in a chair on the street because they didn't get any sleep last night.
And then these fucking weirdos, you look out your window at three in the morning and there's a bunch of people in the dark walking backwards like alone.
It's a great setting for a horror movie, I'll tell you that much.
And then here's the other part.
The no love.
Like they think we're pussies and we're overly sentimental because we want to see our kids more than once a year.
Their kids are raised by their grandparents and they see their kids maybe a month a year, Chinese New Year in the winter.
What?
We call that a deadbeat dad here in America.
If you see your kids for a month a year, people hate you.
They go, there's that shitty dad.
Oh, and then there's the shitting on the ground.
Chinese bathrooms are so alarmingly disgusting.
I can't get into it or I'll start dry heaving.
They squat down on the ground and they shit everywhere, but half the time because they're eating fucking boiled millipedes, they're having diarrhea.
So there's diarrhea and shitty.
You walk into a Chinese bathroom and it's like being murdered.
They don't have catalytic inverters either.
I would ride my bike to see a client.
I used to teach English.
I'd get there.
I'd be like, I'm just going to wash up.
I'd wash my hands and face.
I'd look at the towel.
There'd be my face and a hand and a hand.
And here's another thing.
They just fucking, their homes have no joy.
There's no knickknacks on the wall.
There might be a shrine with oranges and incense for some bizarre reason.
But the floors are tiled.
The walls are tile.
You know why?
It's easy to clean.
It's like every Chinese person's apartment is set for a murder scene.
If you want to kill someone, kill someone in China.
It's easy to clean up.
And here's another retarded thing they do.
They fucking burn money and cars and cell phones so you can have them in the afterlife.
Want to make a call?
Okay, I'll burn a paper cell phone so you can walk around in heaven with a cell phone.
Want some Air Jordans?
No problem.
They make them out of paper and then they burn them.
So you magically doodle have Air Jordans on.
And then they do money.
There's a whole dead currency of dead people money.
Pardon es moi, what?
And it gets crazier.
They like to build cemeteries on hillsides.
You know why?
So when the dead come out at night or maybe in the day, they can sit and have tea.
Someone burned them a teacup and a tea kettle and some tea.
They can sit and have tea and look at the nice view.
So graves will have a table and a chair in front of them on a hillside by a highway.
Seems decent, right?
You're all insane.
And when I see Chinese people in America, I high prize them.
Pretty disgusting.
This guy's kitchen.
See, there's his cooking stuff.
There's no everything is so utilitarian.
They're just like...
Could there be less joy in that setup?
That's my biggest complaint about Chinatown, too.
It's that they occupy such a great piece of New York City.
And they just work and they don't enjoy themselves.
They just stay where they are.
No, they just work to get their family over.
And then that's where the guy obviously.
Do they enjoy it?
But there's this strange correlation with people think if you shit on China, you hate Chinese Americans.
I love Chinese Americans.
They hate China too.
We high-five them when we see them on the street.
We don't punch them in the face like the local blacks seem to do.
Oh, Mistel Brown.
That canned coffee is fucking delicious.
They didn't show it just there.
And the countryside's shockingly beautiful.
But so is all countryside.
Right, yeah.
God did a great job.
Yeah, God did.
This is really fucking great design work.
And the farther away you go, the more unusual the foliage looks, right?
So that's redundant.
But yeah, what a tangent I just went on.
Okay, well, that sounded kind of racist.
It's probably time to do our racist green screen.
So don't bother with the racism interstitial.
Just jump to the green screen.
All right.
And here we go.
Come on, everybody.
So a baby monster sent me an email that he got as a city employee, and it's all the things we can do to fight racism, which doesn't exist for the record here.
There is anti-white racism.
There's a lot of anti-well, there's it's not really anti-Asian racism.
The reason you're seeing a lot of Asians get beat up in New York City is because crime is on the rise.
There's no such thing as bail.
And it's the movie Purge, The Purge.
So what do they go for?
They go for easy targets.
If there was Hasidic Jews around, they'd be getting it.
Little kids, they get it.
Women, they get it.
Remember that woman who had shit smeared all over her face?
Asians make great targets because they tend not to call the police.
They tend to have cash on them and shit like that.
Yet we'll never figure out what the fuck that is.
That weird hairy buffalo with the elastic in its nose.
You know what I'm talking about in this loop?
Let's see.
It's so bizarre.
Can you contact the guy who made this and ask him what?
There, there it is.
What is that?
Wait, what?
Is it a mask on someone's ear?
I cannot figure out what that is.
I know that's a human.
I know that's hair.
I don't know what this is.
Oh, somebody, it's a hair tie and their hair got all fucked up.
They're either being arrested or taken away by police, judging by the hair.
And the hair is thrown forward over their face?
Yeah, and so the hair tie is just hanging there.
And then that's the jaw.
See the mouth and the jaw?
No.
See, go right above.
That's the nose, nostril, and then there's a mouth.
Oh, okay.
That's the nostril.
That's a mouth.
And then the hair tie is just willy-nilly.
Willy-nilly, yes.
No, it's a mask.
It's a mask hanging off his face.
Oh, yeah, and that's true.
What's confusing us is the mask is skin colored.
Oh, so it looks like he's a warthog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like hanging out of his mouth.
Oh, I'm glad we figured that out.
Shit.
So when people talk about racism, they are talking specifically about white middle-class people hating all black people, which is insane.
And it's used to explain black failure.
Why are blacks in jail?
Not because they committed crimes.
No.
They're in jail because of racism.
But they did commit a crime.
Well, it's kind of hard to explain, but it's systemic.
So they had no education because people hate blacks and they don't give money to black schools, which is false.
And then the daddies go to jail for drugs and stuff.
So the kids don't have any father figures because racism put their dads in jail.
Oh, I thought it was welfare.
No, no, no, no.
And so then they get involved in petty crime and then it just keeps ramping up.
So I know it looks like it's just a guy who did a crime, but the whole root cause of it is you.
Okay.
I don't believe you.
So what we have to do now to fix the problem of black people being porn in jail is try to convince white people to be less racist.
And we do that through education and lots and lots of government spending, programs, emails, PDFs, all kinds of shit.
So let's go through this exercise.
Someone who works for the city of New York got this.
Embrace diversity.
And when they say it, right, I told you it's just white on black.
But they throw in like Asian and stuff and they pretend that we hate this person and we hate gays and all kinds of stuff because we hate variety.
It's such a weird allegation.
You know, I don't like black gays and I don't want Asians around.
Why not?
Did I ever say anything like that?
Where are they getting this from?
So they started with this idea of my racism puts black people in jail, which is a dumb argument.
And then they expanded into, actually, Gavin hates all of these people.
He hates Peruvians.
He hates any kind of variety.
He wants everyone to look exactly like him.
Okay?
So June is for celebrating love, freedom, and the beauty in our differences in recognition of Pride Month.
And Juneteenth, Workwell NYC invites you to help create spaces that uplift.
Again, the words make no sense.
What the fuck does that mean?
Uplift.
It's like these fucking wellness centers.
Wellness is not a word.
Uplift, diversify, and amplify the message that difference is welcomed, respected, and embraced.
So a successful company is rocking, right?
Great budgets.
Everything's coming in under budget.
They're getting all the contracts they bid on.
They're not in any trouble with the tax man.
The accountant's handling all the paperwork.
The back end is solid.
All the tech works perfectly, right?
And the CEO comes out and he looks at all the people and there's a huge ride.
There's a black gay, the dude, there's a Chinaman over there.
There's a Proven.
And he just goes, are you nuts?
You out of your fucking mind?
I mean, I like that we're doing okay, but this fucking all these differences.
I hate different.
No one gives a fuck about differences.
In the workforce, you know what you want as a business owner?
For things to function.
That's all you care about.
For things to function and grow.
You want the chart to be going, it doesn't have to go like this.
Don't make that into a Zile.
But, and this, I guess, is bearable.
We're breaking even, but there's not a lot of security there.
You have a bad month and you're fucked.
So you want to have at least this kind of an angle.
So you have a bit of insurance in case you get sued or there's some sort of catastrophe or there's a pandemic or there's a Joe Biden or there's a de Blasio.
The way people in your office look is not something that pops into your head.
And now it's forced down our throats with this retarded ESG shit, equality, social, and governance.
Even like equality, social.
Social?
Is that a noun now?
Social?
Anyway, become an ally.
Take action to ignite change by standing up in support of others who are treated unjustly and challenging your own discomfort and prejudices.
Did you know that?
They're telling you about your own discomfort.
So click on that.
Let's see what we have to do to take action.
If you double-click the link, go ahead and just point at it.
Oh, I see.
Okay, let's click on it.
Click.
Oh, cool.
All right.
Wait, hold on.
Okay.
10 things allies can do.
What you learn when you investigate this kind of woke shit, it's all about being black people's bitch.
It really is.
And there's this new thing they're doing where they're like, like at my 50th birthday party, the local lesbian activist held up a cardboard sign out front.
I told you about this, right?
And it said, hey, white people.
This is a busy highway that she's standing on.
Hey, white people, racism is our problem.
Don't ask black people for help fixing this.
We need to fix it ourselves.
That whole paragraph was on a sign by a highway.
I go, Chrissy, just have an aswastika with an arrow pointing to the bar I'm in.
Or say, proud boy, and then an aswastika, and then pointing it.
No one has time to read your shit.
But the subtext really is, like, don't talk to black people.
Listen to me.
I'm in control.
When they say listen to white people, they mean woke white people.
They mean woke woman.
They mean that white fragility bitch.
What's her name?
Robin D'Angelo or something?
They mean listen to her.
Why?
Because they've created a white guilt industry.
And the only way that it perpetuates, the only way it's self-rejuvenating is with money and interest.
So you have to listen to all this shit and follow our new religion.
Like, think of it as astrology.
You have to follow our astrology lesson.
And you need to learn what sign you are.
You need to learn when Scorpio is rising and all of this shit.
And don't ask scientists about astrology.
That's not their job.
It's your job to learn what signs are and how Capricorns work with cancers.
That's what all of this is.
It's astrology for guilty retards.
An ally is someone who has...
Like, how much did this whole thing cost?
Sorry.
They got the email.
They got all the graphic design.
Someone spent time researching this.
This is someone's full-time job.
They're called the diversity officer.
And they send out garbage emails that no one reads except me to various city employees.
And they make probably like $60K a year with benefits.
And the part that bothers me is they go to bed at night going, I'm helping.
I did a good job today.
We finally, he tells his wife, or she tells her husband, we finally finished that diversity report.
It's looking really good.
Look at the great graphic design.
We hired this black guy who's really good.
Anyway, an ally is someone who has privilege, but chooses to stand for and with marginalized communities.
Asterisks, marginalized communities are those who are targeted by oppression, including but not limited to people of color.
Oh.
Muslims.
Just, that's the only religion mentioned here, Muslims.
Not like, how about Hasidic Jews?
They're getting fucking sucker punched on the streets.
They're playing the, what is that game, the knockout game?
They're getting knocked out on a regular basis.
They're getting murdered by black Hebrew Israelites.
Are Jews on the list?
No.
How about Christians?
They have to wear fucking rainbow flags on their uniform or they get canceled.
So people of color, Muslims, immigrants, refugees, like immigrants.
The implication here is that there's these Nazi skinheads running around town, beating up, going packy bashing.
What?
Refugees, LGBTQ people, women, and people with disabilities.
Did you know that?
That people with disabilities suffer oppression?
What does that mean?
They suffer inconvenience.
That's the bummer about having no legs.
I have no legs.
But the implication here is that me, a middle-class white male, well, I'm rich, but you get the idea, is just like, hey, fuckface.
You can't walk, can you?
No, I mean, you can't.
Did you hear him?
Dude, look at your fucking little wrist.
What's with your wrists, dude?
They're all bent.
You're like, I'm going to press you.
No, you're not allowed in.
You want a coffee?
No.
No coffee here.
Hey, barista, don't serve that guy.
He's crippled.
I don't.
There's a sign in my neighborhood, and it says, in this house, we believe.
And one of them is, we respect disabilities.
Like, eight-year-olds don't make fun of handicapped people.
I think you might do it when you're Four or five.
And then you get to know one, and then you see him cry because someone called him a gimp, and you're like, oh shit, that's mean.
I'm not doing that anymore.
By the time you're six, seven, you're like, whoa, those days are behind me.
But not if you're fucking 35 and you work for the city.
Now you're oppressing people with disabilities.
Okay, so number one thing you have to do is listen.
Listen to what marginalized people are saying face to face on your social media feed or in the articles you read.
It's not about you.
In other words, shut your mouth.
It's not about you, your feelings or opinions.
It's about hearing theirs.
So number one is shut your mouth.
Okay?
Number two is buy our stupid books.
Seek out books, articles, films, etc.
about the history and current issues facing marginalized communities and attend formal anti-oppression trainings.
What the fuck?
That's re-education camp.
So shut your mouth, buy our stupid propaganda, and go to our brainwashing seminars.
Number three, work for us for free.
Get involved.
Join local groups working for social justice.
Subscribe to their email lists.
Follow them on social media and show up to support their work.
By the way, diversity people, it's called an Oxford comma.
When you're doing a list before the and at the end, you need a fucking comma.
It's very important.
And you should have learned that around the same age you stopped making fun of handicapped people.
Six.
Speaking of six, fight for us physically.
Be our bodyguards.
Be our personal security service.
We don't like cops.
We think they're racist and we accidentally got rid of them while shitting on them.
So now you do it.
When someone is being targeted, physically or verbally, intervene only with their permission.
So if someone's getting beaten up, like packy bashed by a Nazi skinhead, you have to ask the packy, is it okay if I stop the skinhead from pounding you?
What planet are these people living on?
Question mark.
Focus on supporting them rather than engaging the aggressor.
What?
Okay, so now I have to lie down next to the packy and like grab the skinhead's boot.
Maybe, I got a better idea.
Why don't I push the victim out of the way and I lie down on the ground and get my head stomped?
Then you're engaging the aggressor, actually.
Oh, yeah.
Because you're allowing him to engage in boots to your face.
Here's a shorter version, guys.
If you see an innocent person getting punched, punch the guy punching the good guy.
You know, the way it used to be from day zero till about 10 years ago.
Five.
Snitch.
When a friend, family member, coworker, stranger says something hateful or ignorant, call them out on it.
Silence always allows oppression to continue.
Why don't we tell their boss?
Wait, hold on.
Did you just realize you just went one, two, three, six, five, four?
That's because if you look at the timeline, it's squiggly.
Oh, it causes you to read Japanese backwards for a couple and then go back to left to right.
You know why it does that?
Because they had so much time and so much money, they had to reinvent the wheel.
So they started thinking outside the box.
And this, there was meetings about this.
There was meetings about the color scheme, the sort of blue and orange.
Someone worried it was two Mets.
And then one of the guys thought it'd be fun to go one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12.
Woo, woo, woo, woo.
And someone, I love it.
I love it.
Let's do that.
White people made the whole, you know, things going in success.
Oh, yeah, good point.
That's the fucking white man's way is left to right, left to right.
This is pigeon formatting.
It's like when you see black people wearing a suit and their shirt has no collar.
Right.
They're like, no, no, no, no, we're not doing it your way.
My name's not Derek.
It's D-E-R-R-I-C-K umlat.
So sorry, let's go.
So that's number five.
Be a snitch.
Number four, attend our stupid events.
Give us money.
Validate our existence.
When someone from a marginalized community invites you to an event, go.
Be there to listen, learn, and show your support.
Number seven, revel in your guilt.
Wallow in your self-hatred and shame.
When you encounter something that makes you uncomfortable, don't dismiss it.
Sit with it.
Ask yourself why and welcome it as an opportunity to grow.
Accept that you are evil and racist and bask in it because it pays our bills and it justifies our existence.
We need your suffering.
Number eight, be our bitch and constantly take abuse from us.
Okay?
Learn from your mistakes.
You will make mistakes.
Believe me, I'll be criticizing you on a daily basis throughout this journey, this circular journey of self-hatred.
You will make mistakes when someone calls you out.
Don't get defensive.
Listen.
Apologize and change your behavior.
Apologize.
That's the key right there.
Apologize.
You know, I like ending phone calls with apology accepted, I love you, and white power.
They all make people incredibly uncomfortable for the same reason.
Because they're not true.
Number nine, please don't stop believing this bullshit, funding it, and being our brainwashed slave.
Stay engaged.
Even when the work gets difficult, stay engaged.
Oppression is constant, and we will never be out of a job because systemic racism will go on forever.
They're like Palestinians.
Palestinians will never take a deal from Israel.
Even if it was like, you get everything we get, 50-50.
No fucking way, because their job is to constantly antagonize Israel.
They don't want a solution.
Neither do these people.
They want this to continue.
Oppression is constant and marginalized.
People do not have the privilege of turning off.
This will never end, no matter what you do.
And then, of course, give me your fucking money.
Commit to financially support a local organization doing social justice work in your community, not just once, but on an ongoing basis.
Give me all your money.
Seeking to be an ally is an ongoing journey, and this list simply represents a starting point.
Please refer to the below sources which informed this list and continue to seek out and practice ways that you can be an ally.
Sources, Isabel DeBrugia, so you want to wear a safety pin.
Jamie Utt, so you call yourself an ally.
10 things all allies need to know.
And then, of course, our own Southern Poverty Law Center.
Speak up, responding to everyday bigotry.
Well, this is getting pinned on the office fridge.
You're not getting a snack without reading the horrible things you've done and why you need to be an ally.
Okay, so I think this is a tip of the iceberg.
We won't spend any more time on this, but go back to the original email.
So that was just one link, right?
Self-knowledge.
It's funny that this is a to-do list and it's within a to-do list.
But then you click on another part of the to-do list.
Wait, go back.
What's the third point?
Be international.
Use inclusive language.
Apologizing.
You've got to apologize when you get something wrong and incorporate pronouns into introductions.
What's that got to do with?
Oh, be intentional.
Sorry.
I'm reading it from across the board.
I'm intentional, Gabin.
Be intentional.
These people are not treating English properly.
Okay, so you click on this and you realize these people have been fucking around for thousands of hours, creating ridiculous charts and traditions and days and seminars.
This was Vice, by the way.
When Saroush and I first started the company, it was a government scam and it was this.
It was a calendar of various diversity projects.
And we just hijacked it and made it about punk and skateboarding.
You can scroll through each of these columns if you'd like.
Go ahead.
Yeah, let's go through each and every single one of these and have a 37-hour show about what you can do to apologize.
Well, I'm a Western chauvinist, actually, and I refuse to apologize for creating the modern world.
Look in Australia, man.
Australia's music is amazing right now.
They're going through a musical renaissance reminiscent of the late 70s in New York and London.
But this band's from the 80s, so they're stalwarts.
They're having a resurgence now that Australia is drowning in awesome music.
ACDC.
And they're Scottish, too, which is...
They are?
Yeah.
Cosmic Psychos are Scottish?
No, no, no.
ACDC.
You said ACDC.
Yeah, but they're Australian.
Australian Scottish, so you gotta love them.
Scroll through.
I wanted you to scroll through physically.
We have a touchscreen sensor.
Okay.
City Resources Honoring Black History Toolkits.
Let's do a toolkit.
Go down to this one.
Okay, you gotta touch it.
Uh-huh.
And then oh, there you go.
Okay.
Allying at work.
Click.
Okay.
That's pretty cool.
Oh, my God.
So much money wasted on this myth.
You want to fix the problem of racism in New York?
Shut the fuck up and get back to work.
That's it.
It's done.
It's not like pedophilia where kids are getting fucked and we want to stop that.
It's a made-up problem based on the fact that blacks are not doing well.
You assumed it's my fault.
This is endless.
Like if you click on.
If you click on one thing, it's a series of other things.
There's more links.
It never stops.
Yeah, click on the thrive.
Oh, good.
One of the pages can't be.
We didn't do our job.
Oops.
Toolkits?
Mental health services.
Oh, yeah, you can't have mental health services.
That's an actual thing that New Yorkers do need.
No, I bet, like, what percentage of the New York state budget is on diversity, cultural awareness, and uplifting voices?
It's probably like 60%.
So you have hundreds of people working full-time on this fake problem.
You're going to have a lot of shit.
Anyway, speaking of shit and the government, it's time for my pet Biden.
Biden.
On him I can depend.
My pet.
Biden.
President.
He's big and food.
Sleepy.
But a friendly monster too.
My pet.
Biden.
Wait, what?
That doesn't rhyme.
So I wanted to get to this last night, but we were too busy with the clown show.
So this was Jimmy Kimmel and Biden two nights ago.
And he is obsessed with biracial commercials.
He thinks it's evidence that we've come a long way.
The idea of someone being offended by a mixed-race couple is 50 years out of date.
So that's how lost in the past he is.
It reminds me of this Bob Odenkirk character who would talk about your horse machines and your fancy dark sparkling bubble water when he's talking about cars and Coca-Cola and stuff.
He's that out of date.
This guy thinks that mixed race couples on TV is a major deal.
First of all, white people couldn't give less of a fuck who you fucked.
Black people, nah.
Black women don't love it when they see like a black man with a white woman or an Asian.
They're offended, but that's not what you mean.
You mean I'm offended and I don't care.
The reason biracial commercials exist is because women, white women, fantasize.
They don't want it in practice.
They don't really want their daughter to marry a black guy.
But they fantasize about poor, weak black women being in control.
White women feel bad about black women.
That's why they say listen to black women and hear their voices because they think, oh, these women are oppressed.
And that's why they say Leslie Jones is beautiful and all this dumb shit.
Because they see them as like hurt fawns in the forest.
And so they dress up the fawn and they give it muscles and it's in a commercial going, I'm a big tough deer.
And they go, there you go, Bambi.
Your mom didn't die.
Now you're cool.
It's a bizarre way to see the world, but it sells products.
So that's why they do it.
Joe, you've got it completely wrong.
That's not a joke.
You turn on the TV.
Look at the ads.
When's the last time you saw biracial couples on TV?
When's the last time you saw the way, I mean, people are selling products.
They do ads to sell products.
And they sell products when people, they appeal to people.
Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going.
I just hope I find it along the way.
I'm serious.
You turn on the TV.
I'm serious, man.
It's not a joke.
Nobody thought it was a joke, Joe.
We're laughing because you're dumb.
Okay, so this is, he did his usual tangents, right?
And around 53 seconds in, there seems to be a hard cut where Jimmy goes, we're going to go to a commercial because he realizes this propaganda I'm doing is actually doing more harm than good.
And I'm telling you, that's the future of Joe Biden.
It's possible we have another seven years of him.
And the only way that's going to happen is to hide him.
We are going to see less and less of Joe as Joe sees less and less cognitive abilities.
So there's a lot of major things we've done.
But what we haven't done is we haven't been able to communicate it in a way that is.
What?
Wait, stop.
Isn't it great that he can't communicate the word communicate?
We have to communicate.
You do.
The problem is people can't articulate their thoughts and convey what they're trying to say.
Wait, I can't convey my thoughts and explain what I'm trying to say.
I guess I'm the problem.
That's what you just said, Joe.
You said you are the problem.
And guess what?
You're right.
That is.
Go to the beginning.
You've got to see this.
Well, see, that's.
No question.
So there's a lot of major things we've done.
But what we haven't done is we haven't been able to communicate it in a way that is.
Let me say it another way.
Well, see, that's kind of perfect.
Yeah.
We haven't been able to communicate it.
See that?
I took a shot at him.
Jimmy Kimmel can tell that Joe Biden forgot what he was saying.
So he says, yeah, that's perfect.
You can't communicate all the success you've been having, right?
That's what you were saying, Joe.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It is not a joke.
Vice principal under I thought that was a jab, but you know what it's like, you know, when you see people interacting with like handicapped people and just being too nice.
Jimmy Kimmel's not taking a jab.
Right.
He's reminding him of what he was talking about.
It really reminds me of when you see somebody interacting with like a special needs person, you're like, are you being like condescending towards them?
You can't tell because it's hard to interact with people.
Like people who stutter.
You're like, yeah, yeah, I know.
Thoroughbred.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
You got it.
You're doing great.
You're doing great.
And it's like, are you being a dick or nice?
Can't tell.
Look how the press has changed.
Look how the press has changed.
It has changed.
Oh, Alyssa, I get it.
I know.
You overstand it.
You don't just understand it.
You overstand it.
Okay, Joe, stop.
But here's the deal.
Don't play with the English language when you can't do the basics.
It's like art, painting.
Don't break the rules until you know the rules.
Picasso used to do thoroughly realist nudes.
He knew how to paint.
He knew how to do it right.
Then he fucking got crazy.
And that's why it looks good because you could tell the guy knows the basics.
Don't come up with words like overstand when you don't understand the word understand.
I could watch this all day.
Look how the press has changed.
It has changed.
Oh, listen, I get it.
I know you overstand it.
You don't just understand it.
You overstate it.
The press has changed around the time that you became vice president.
The blind sycophants that Obama got, Clinton, Bill Clinton, was criticized.
He was a lefty, but the left criticized him.
He was a good president.
He didn't spend a lot of money.
He was fiscally conservative, which is all I really care about.
George W. Bush spent way more money than him, and I prefer Bill Clinton to George W. Bush.
I don't really care about him fucking interns.
But when he did fuck that intern, the left and the right came after him.
When Obama came along, it was a non-stop fuck fest.
They had shit all over their lips from kissing his ass.
And it's been a shit show ever since.
The fucking reporting on Trump was ridiculous.
And the way Joe Biden is portrayed is insane.
He's even on late night talk shows where the host slowly coaxes good publicity out of him and cuts when he starts rambling like a fucking idiot.
I don't think I've seen that one before.
Not in a long time.
Media kissing ass.
Take it away, Joe.
What?
Okay.
No question.
Look how the press is changing.
It has changed.
Oh, listen, I get it.
I know you overstand it.
You don't just understand it.
You overstand it.
But here's the deal.
One of the things is that it's very difficult now to have a even with notable exceptions, even the really good reporters, they have to get number clicks on nightly news.
So instead of asking a question, anyway, it just everything gets sensationalized in ways that, but I'm convinced we can get through this.
We have to get through it.
And one of the things, look.
I'm going to take a break and then we'll talk a little bit more if you don't mind.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
We have some of those commercials.
We have some biracial commercials we need to show.
Okay, so here's a million-dollar question.
Was that a hard cut?
Did he interrupt Joe Biden just then?
Or did he let Joe Biden zone out and then say, I'm going to cut to a commercial?
And then they just compressed it and made it look like it was Jimmy who interrupted him.
I'm going to go with the latter.
Jimmy Kim Alive is not live.
I've been there.
He used to have a bar in the green room.
It was as big as this studio, the green room.
It was awesome.
And they shoot it around 5 p.m.
So I think that that embarrassing tirade you saw was much worse.
Go back to it just right before.
I'm going to take a break and then we'll about 10 seconds.
We're going to get through this.
We have to get through it.
And one of the things, look, I'm going to take a break and then we'll talk.
Look, I'm going to take a break.
Okay, so here's what he said.
He went, one of the things, look, we, I mean, I should probably, I should say it another way.
I'm probably saying too much, but we just need to work to make it right, and it's tough.
Anyway, I don't know.
I should probably.
I don't think that's a hard cut because you can see his body, the momentum moving onto the armchair and then continuing through with the same facial expression in the cut.
He continues to sink back in his chair.
Okay, go back.
And his hand is at the edge of the chair, leaning the elbow in, resetting it, and then continuing back into the chair.
Well, you just ruined my whole theory.
Well, we were trying to get to the bottom of it.
Well, I don't like truth.
You just want your theory to be...
I'm like the media.
I just want my narrative to win, and I hide the truth in order to further my propaganda.
Well, then what they did was, to support your theory, is they cut, see this right here down the middle?
They keep Joe sitting back into the chair, and then they have the hard cut happens over here.
Oh, right.
They can slice the screen there because they never overlap.
You see him like starting to talk.
Hey, man, come on, man.
Your theory is correct.
Well, we don't know.
And then here's a strange analogy where they pretend they follow the rules.
Now, let me be clear here.
Joe Biden and his team stole the election.
There's no doubt in my mind about that.
On top of that, it's been relentless corruption.
Hunter Biden is a disgusting pervert.
I just put a video of him on Getter where him and a crack whore, he's working out how to skull fuck her.
And he's suggesting she lie on her back with her head back so he can plunge his dick down her throat.
She's got a dildo with her, and he has a revolver.
That's a distraction.
That's pretty bad.
And if it was Donald Trump Jr. doing this, oh my God, there'd be riots in the streets.
Fuck, he's got a big dick.
Is that a blurred big dick?
That's impressive, dude.
That's like the fake blurring in Borat.
He's out of his mind?
What's he looking at?
I mean, when it comes to sex, he's a hard worker.
He's getting shit done.
So right now, you're about to see her put down some sort of dildo thing.
I don't know if that goes on her clitoris or up her butthole or something.
She's going to put that.
She's wearing high-heel shoes, too.
There we go.
I'll put that there.
And then I'm going to...
So this is him telling her to lie in her back.
For her face fucking section.
But anyway, while we watch that, the corruption here with Ukraine, with Joe Biden killing an investigation into corruption, using quid pro quo and saying, you're not going to get money from Obama if you,
there's the gun, if you continue this investigation.
Because I'm in it.
My fingerprints and my son's fingerprints are all over it.
We have emails where Hunter Biden gleefully admits this corruption is going on and he uses his father to curry favor in corrupt business deals and he talks about the big guy.
This is all breaking the rules, obviously.
It's highly illegal and corrupt behavior.
Stone election is a tip of the iceberg.
The crackhead horse shit is a tip of the iceberg.
Hedge funds in China, him and the catch-up czar, what's his name, John Kerry, John Kerry's son, making millions upon millions in fake business deals that were set up via the vice president of the United States.
That's breaking the rules.
And Joe's takeaway, they always say the opposite of the truth.
Joe's takeaway is we're breaking the rules.
And what should happen to us?
We should go to jail because we break the rules.
This isn't just veering from the truth.
This is 180 degrees of lies.
Go ahead.
You often get asked, look, the Republicans don't play it square.
Why do you play it square?
Well, guess what?
If we do the same thing they do, our democracy will literally be in jeopardy.
Would you suppose to metaphorically be in jeopardy?
Not a joke.
Not a joke.
Not a joke.
Not a joke.
He thinks it's a joke, I think, Kimmel.
It's not a joke.
He thinks everything's a joke.
But also, it's like you're playing monopoly with somebody who, you know, won't pass go and won't follow any of the rules.
And how do you ever make any progress if they're not following the rules?
You have to keep them to jail.
Yeah, doesn't everyone clap?
Go directly to jail.
Go directly to jail.
Look, the Republicans don't play jail.
They want us to go to jail.
Maybe we can go to re-education camps at least, and I could learn to unlearn my horrible racism and learn about slavery for a change.
I've never heard of it.
And then here was another doozy, last one.
So, but while Biden was running for election, he called Trump a fascist, and he said, Trump has way too many executive orders.
And he goes, who makes executive orders?
A dictator.
Trump is a dictator.
Biden was then elected.
Fake.
And he went on to have at least twice as many executive orders as Trump.
And you know how he explains that?
He doesn't.
He sticks to story A and hopes no one looks up how many executive orders he has.
Go to 2-2.
The exchange where Kimmel Presses Biden.
They called it pressing Biden.
Why don't you sign executive orders?
Trump handed them out like Halloween candy, Biden says.
We can't become like them.
Biden signed a record 37 EOs in his first week and is averaging 12 more a year than Trump.
Isn't that awesome?
And go to 2-3 because I remembered that when I heard him talking about executive orders, I thought, dude, you should shut up about executive orders.
That's one of your biggest fuck-ups.
Joe Biden once said that excessive reliance on executive orders, this is 2021, and ignoring the legislature is dictatorial.
Well, Joe, are you aware that it now applies to you?
What the fuck, dude?
Hello?
Hello, man.
Hey, I'm doing a show here, dude.
I don't care.
Whenever I call you, you answer the motherfucking phone, all right?
Yes, sir.
I got your camera in.
So just Monday, if you want to come in, because the colour will be here.
All right, thanks, dude.
I'm literally recording now, though.
I gotta go.
What do you think, bud?
You're gonna get a dash camera on the cars.
They range from $450 to $900.
Some of them turn on if someone goes near the car while it's parked.
So yeah, we got that all cleared up?
Right?
I think so.
Executive orders, not him.
Let's just do a quick feminism before we jump over to the mailbag.
Okay?
Who here identifies as a feminist?
We are the storm, the very form of change that the world has been waiting for.
Who said I was too pretty to fight?
That's toxic masculinity if you don't realize how your behavior is hurtful.
That's true.
What am I doing?
It's a mailbag.
So I thought this was weird.
Sex dolls are ready to hit the market.
I cannot imagine anyone fucking these.
And when I do really picture it, I want to start crying.
What is sadder than a man lying on top of a sex bot, kissing its weird latex lips and like probably rubbing its shoulder?
Oh my God.
And then he, oh, then he rolls over.
What does he do then?
We already talked about this during the marathon, I think.
He definitely abuses her because he's mad at himself.
The same reason that black thugs kill trannies after they fuck them, he must just like shove her off the bed, stupid bitch, and then just cry, right?
Hopefully.
You can't be happy.
You can't be like, oh, oh, yeah, I love you.
All right, then prop her up.
You want to, oh yeah, yeah, you don't eat.
But I'm going to make some eggs.
When a man fucks a robot, he just cries and turns over to his side.
He definitely does.
So anyway, the Glaswegian accent is not appealing on a woman.
I'm sorry.
Australian, Israeli, bad accents for ladies.
English accents?
Yes.
French accent?
Oh, yes.
Spanish, like Dominican, Puerto Rican?
Yeah, we can work with that.
Black woman, sure.
Like ghetto?
Yeah.
Glaswegian, no.
And for some reason, they gave...
My mom sent me this, by the way, because she goes, she sounds like me in uni, university.
And they gave her a Glaswegian accent.
Hey, guys, if you want to fuck Glaswegians, go to Glasgow.
They're all sluts.
Remember when that terrorist drove into the Glasgow airport and lit himself on fire?
And someone said, well, if you're coming to Glasgow looking for 72 virgins, you've come to the wrong place.
I took a black man to Glasgow, Derek Beckles.
It was World War Z. Women were crawling over the jukebox to get to him.
It was scary.
We had to run out the back door.
One woman came up to him at a club and goes, look here, ye, I'll go out and bed with my mates.
Who's going to get shagged fuss tonight?
And I'd rather just get Urwa.
Not the most romantic gesture in the world, but he was too cheap to get a hotel, so he lost that pussy.
And we had a big fight about it.
Anyway, listen to this.
Through that system, you can connect the AI that you've created in the app to the robot and carry on the conversation with her that way.
Once you've got that loaded and you hit chat, she just comes to life.
Hold on, I'm coming.
10 minutes without you seems like an eternity.
Now he feels bad for hitting her.
He beats the shit out of her.
He kicks her in the head, even.
And then he comes back and he goes, hey, baby, 10 minutes without you seems like a lifetime and all.
And he's like, oh, I'm sorry.
Then he cries again.
There is so much crying in the sex bot household.
Violence, crying, and fucking.
And then I assume suicide.
Sex bot.
If you see someone buying a sex bot, call a suicide hotline immediately.
And then here, I thought this was funny, some bitch getting arrested.
If you're doing some political action, and especially if it involves attacking the president, when you get arrested, you're like, maybe I'll like yell and be like, fucking revolution!
The revolution happens now.
We need to rise up.
You don't tell the cops to fuck off and say, get off of me.
Did you not know this was going to happen?
These women, these feminists, these liberals, they don't understand that there are consequences for their actions.
They are spoiled brats who think they can just attack a president and then he'll go, shit, I better change that law.
And then they'll go home.
This is unfettered privilege, Really, liberal privilege.
This is someone who's never been told no, not once in their lives.
And there's the president.
I'm going to go attack him.
Like, that tote could be a bomb.
Now, listen to her reaction.
She said, dude, what the fuck?
Get off me.
Get off of her.
Still don't know if the tote's a bomb, by the way.
Look at her fighting.
Like, she's going to get free.
There's a gun.
Is that a fucking gun just on the floor?
Guys.
Wait, did one of their guns fall?
Yeah, there's a gun.
See that?
Oh my god, dude.
Kidding me.
Wait, I want to see that fall.
We got to go back now.
I want to see that fall out.
You didn't think you're going to get arrested when you approached a presidential motorcade?
I think it happened somewhere there.
Fuck!
Get off of me, you bitch.
Fuck you, you fucking pig.
Here-ish.
Or she was on the gun.
You gotta secure those a little better, boys.
Dude.
Dude.
And just the casualness of...
Let me just get that for you.
That's like when you were fighting jail and I had to grab his gun out of his pocket.
Yeah, that was a little scary.
Look at her.
She's crying.
Get off of me, you fucking jerk.
I want to go home.
All I did was attack the president of the free world with a bag around my arm that could be anything.
Are in fact demented.
Get the fuck off me.
That's my favorite line.
Oh, she's hot.
What's she yelling?
You should yell your name if you're a lefty at these things because they'll get you some lawyer, not court appointed, some like super wealthy socialist lawyer will magically appear.
Anyway.
What did you think was going to happen?
And what do you think is going to happen now?
I don't understand resisting arrest.
I think they're going to just go.
Really, please.
Producer, bread bones, start to.
Sold me Bigfoot?
Something about abortion?
I'm rolling.
Really, please.
Producer, Big Blood, Star King.
Only safe ones.
Supreme Court won't stop abortion.
Get the fuck off of me, you stupid cop.
Okay, sorry.
God, you don't have to yell and use the F word.
I'll leave you alone.
We're just trying to arrest you for potentially murdering the President of the United States.
He's a fucking idiot, don't get me wrong, but you're not allowed to murder him.
But if you are going to make a big scene, then yeah, we'll stop.
Resisting arrest is the most retarded thing you can do for the record.
We tell everyone who follows the show, if you're in trouble and you're getting arrested, just seethe.
Hate his guts.
Maybe he's a corrupt cop.
Maybe you're getting arrested for no reason.
Be pissed off.
Make careful notes of everything that's happening for your future complaint.
But as far as pissing him off or getting away, it's not going to happen.
All right, let's get to the mailbag.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Your password is required.
Jeez.
Holy fuck, Maddie is so mad.
He lost his old number.
He got a new phone number.
Yeah.
And then he got a new phone.
And all his, he can't get into his email now because the way they verified is they send you a verification code to your phone.
He doesn't have that number anymore.
So he is freaking the fuck out.
Veins popping out of his neck in the car.
Will you stop telling me I have emails?
How do I stop that?
What an annoying thing.
Oh, you're airdropping me shit?
No.
Not that I think.
No.
That must be from a long time ago.
Okay.
Alrighty.
Oh, my stars.
Lots of mail.
We haven't gotten to do to do.
Um.
Gina says, did you fucking realize that piece of shit watched Ashley Babbitt get shot and killed, then continued on inside to provide footage that CNM paid him for with no care?
In fact, in his own footage, he is blaringly excited saying to his blonde cohort, see, didn't I tell you this would be the best day?
I fucking told you.
She's talking about John Sullivan, the Antifa who was there, and ostensibly got Ashley Babbitt killed.
I will try and find the footage, or maybe Miss Swan can find the clips to watch them play out one after another.
I guess you're Miss Swan.
Oh, him egging Ashley on, her getting shot, her bleeding out, lying on the floor.
Sullivan inside the Grand Hall bragging with blonde cohort.
Yeah.
And you know what else CNN did?
They sent, with the money, he went to other places.
He was like Ukraine or some shit.
And that is to make him look more like a journalist than Antifa, because CNN doesn't want to be caught funding Antifa in the insurrection.
That's a bad look.
Just like David Chartel, you know what they did after the Roger Stone thing in?
They sent him to Mexico.
And he was there, and his Twitter bio became something about representative for the Latino American Journalist Association.
Some bullshit cushy job where they lay down until Gavin shuts up about David Chartel.
Same with John Sullivan.
Let's have him do a bunch of fake jobs so when people call him Antifa, we can say, no, he's a journalist.
Here's some of his work.
Thanks.
I think people need to see this example of Congress ignoring these shit pieces and targeting Proud boys.
Lots and lots of letters.
Lots of stuff.
People thought they were going to get on the show last night, so they really filled the inbox.
Oh, we have a lot of unread super chats, too.
Should we bang some out?
Why weren't you putting up super chats?
Because we were just watching the dealio.
No, Ryan.
Again, you can never admit when you're wrong.
Dude, no.
There was ones that had nothing.
It was $100, and it was like, it had nothing to do with that.
And it was like, the word white is blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, I couldn't imagine stopping the January 2020.
You don't stop.
You just put it up.
Okay, but we read 100.
You put up other ones?
We read 100.
Not when it started going down.
And then we abandoned all links, all mailbag, all call-ins.
So I was like, this is not.
All right, put up the live chats then.
Really quickly.
Bang, bang, bang.
Let's get through them.
Bang, bang, bang, bang.
Someone asking why there's no comment section.
There is.
At censor.tv online.
You have to be logged in.
Sir Haggis and Fried Plantain Rice Ball, where would you rank Dinesh D'Souza's daughter?
Not to be a simp, but I mean, come on.
She's got kind of a weird nose.
She's obviously very high up there.
But I know, like, the numbers 8 and 9 are being floated around.
I've met her a few times.
So I know what she really looks like.
7 seems too low.
8 seems a tiny bit generous.
I'm going to go with a 7.8.
I know with that picture, that picture's an 8.6.
But the actual woman is a 7.8, which is great.
I think I'd prefer a 7.8 to an 8.6.
Okay, those you can just put up.
They can pause them if they really want to read them.
It's white trash hate speech.
Yeah, it should be.
Nazis should be hate speech.
Calling someone a Nazi is our N-word.
Now, did it work?
I think I remember seeing that go up.
Did it work this time?
Did this work?
Max and John are making a lot of money.
Hey, Gav, we met at the Nina Fashion Show a little while back.
Hope this helps.
Max and John.
Always here to help.
Nina Fashions, not Nina Fashion Show, Nina, the Fitting Room when they were in New York.
I met this fat lawyer guy who was cool.
Always here to help with the cease and assist letters we discussed as well.
That was about proud boys being called white supremacists or Holocaust deniers I've seen.
That's a 500 spot.
Putting a stop to the false media narrative is clearly key to taking back our republic.
Politics is downstream from the culture.
Next.
Okay.
Isn't that Blonde Chicku tick a shit in Johnny's bed?
This is not an investigation.
This is a McCarthyite travesty.
That's Robbie talking about the trial last night, whatever it was, the hearing.
The deaf hearing.
Check it out.
Per James O'Keefe former.
Yeah, we already talked about that.
500 bucks, I know.
Join the Baby Monsters Telegram group.
Okay.
This is completely partisan.
Next.
The cheap ones you can just put up and people can pause it if they're really trying to do it.
The real reason the left hates straight white males is because we refuse to fuck them.
It's fags and hags, mad because white guys won't throw them a bone.
The inverse is true as well.
They love straight black guys because they will fuck anything.
That's an interesting angle.
Next.
Can we all agree that Gen 6 was worse than 9-11 and Pearl Harbor combined?
Pray for the folks who saw it happen on TV and now suffer from PTSD.
Yeah.
AOC is the best one for that.
She's mad that she was mocked.
She goes, I locked myself in the bathroom.
I was scared I was going to get raped.
They would have had to take over that whole building and then start going to other buildings to eventually get to you on their rapathon.
Is that it?
Yep.
Cool.
Someone telling us Subway Bread is not bread.
Gavin, what's the crake, lad?
This is from Ireland.
Always get a good laugh from this article.
That shit ain't bread.
And it's called Subway Bread Ireland.
And it's got a Guardian article that says, Subway Bread is not bread.
Irish court rules.
Judge finds that sugar content of U.S. chain sandwiches exceeds stipulated limit, and they should thus be classified as confectionery.
That's right.
I don't like Subway anymore.
And by the way, people give us a lot of shit because we're in the Bronx and we go to Subway.
The nearest deli that has subs is three blocks away.
Subway is right next door to us.
So we have made the mistake of going there a few times.
But this particular subway sucks shit and it's ruined Subway for me.
So, I mean, I feel like the chain should know that, that there's some branches out there, some, what do they call them?
Franchises.
Franchises.
Franchisees?
That are ruining your brand.
Because now when I think of Subway, I think of that bread that's like a sock.
And I'm not hungry.
Dear Gavin Jaspik, I'd like to start by thanking Gavin for all the entertainment you've provided me.
Notice he singles me out and doesn't include you.
Ouch.
You've provided me for years now.
I just found out about you when your trans article for Tacky blew up.
That was about 12 years ago.
Which is around eight years ago now, if I'm not mistaken.
Okay.
Ryan is a great guy whose impressions are excellent, and that's somewhat of a dying art these days.
His constant excuses for screwing up are very annoying.
Remember the Jim, J-I-N, Jim slash G-Y-M fiasco?
I know I don't remember that.
Did you spell Jim J-I-M?
Jim.
Probably.
Yeah, yeah.
Why can't he just say sorry, boss, and move on?
The biggest issue I see, though, is that he doesn't appreciate the day you decided to make him your sidekick was the day he won the lottery as far as what his life would have been otherwise.
I do have three bits of parenting advice for him, though.
Okay, here you go, Ryan.
This is for you.
Karaoke is great for when you're teaching them to read.
Huh.
Darts is great for teaching basic mathematics.
When they say thank you, make sure to always say you're welcome.
You know what my wife says?
She goes, uh-huh.
Oh.
That's a Midwestern thing.
I find it very rude.
Let's hope he's like your friend Tommy and is a good dad, despite the way He was treated.
Keep up the amazing level of entertainment you've been doing.
There's nothing else like it.
Oh, thank you very much, Mark.
That's nice.
Hi, Mark.
Hi, Mark.
Hey, guys, just dropping a line to say I appreciate you standing up for the white blue-collar working-class man.
I am a superintendent for a flooring company and was wondering if you know of a North Georgia Proud Boys group I can join.
I can also send some yellow work shirts if you want.
God bless, and thanks for reading this on the air.
Oh, by the way, I've got some interesting takes on COVID, election, Biden, globalism, and I left my cell phone.
How would one audition for a show?
Well, I'm about to find out.
Let's give them a call.
Dupe, doop, doop, doop.
Doot, do, do.
One three.
We were on the air.
This is a fucking loser.
You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen.
Understand why.
Hey, why does everyone get two things?
You have one thing.
Thank you for calling.
It's great to hear from you.
All right, next call.
You must be superintending a floor.
Lay in some of those fake wood floors that...
You've reached the voicemail of please leave your name, number, and a good time to be reached.
And I'll give you a call at my earliest convenience.
Have a great day.
At the tone, please record your message.
When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options.
Hey, Justin.
Just in time.
You're not.
We called to get one of your interesting takes on COVID, election, Biden, and globalism, but you weren't there, so you blew it.
Oh, well.
All right, let's get to the final vid.
Yeah.
You're correct.
Thanks.
Wait, I want to change it.
Oh.
So I'll do that during the intersection.
I changed my mind about the final video, Ryan.
Yeah.
Because we were talking about wheelchairs and respecting disabilities.
Text or email?
I just emailed it to you.
Gotcha.
It could be fake, but it appears to be a gentleman who is asking, a crippled gentleman asking for money comes across his grandmother, and she's not impressed.
So that's unfortunate.
By the way, that kid, Ethan Lemming, the white kid who got beat to death, wait a minute, let's talk about him for a second here.
That story was buried, but it seems to be getting some legs.
In fact, my eldest boy brought it up to me this morning when I was driving him to school.
So this kid is driving around shooting people with a water gun, a super soaker.
And people are like, ah, fuck, shit.
You see it in the hood all the time.
They do it with paintball, and then people think they've been shot because it's red.
So this guy was doing it, and then these black dudes freaked the fuck out, a whole mob of them.
Like, fuck, you're fucking dead.
What the fuck, man?
And he's like, calm down, guys.
It's a water pill.
It's just water.
And he gets out of the car and he's like, take it down a notch.
Right?
Begs them to calm down.
What were we talking about with Anthony?
This knee-jerk reaction where you switch straight to violence.
And instead of them calming down, they beat the living shit out of him and killed him.
Okay, it wasn't this.
This is separate.
No, that's...
Okay, so that.
Wait, you didn't get my email yet?
Yeah, that's swarm the white kid, then burn him.
So there, that's, that's black on white.
So when it's white on black, it's a super soaker and it's it's distributed to people of all races.
But when it's black on white, it's a fucking bunch of bottle rockets.
Play that again?
This goes against everything I believe in.
What are you doing?
Finding it.
So what do they do?
Oh, they throw fireworks into his car.
So he has to get out.
And then they start shooting him.
Oh, my God.
That's fucking serious.
That shit burns.
That could blind you.
Run, dude.
Run.
I received a call saying there was a fight in the parking lot of 400 West Market, which is a parking lot just east of the basketball court at the IPROMIS school.
The caller also said there was a person that was down.
Our officers would dispatch at 10.46 and they arrived within three minutes of the call.
When the officers got there, they found a male laying on the ground in the parking lot and he was unresponsive.
Akram fire medics arrived on scene almost immediately.
They tried to provide aid to who we know now to be 17-year-old Ethan Lyman and unfortunately their efforts were unsuccessful.
And Ethan was pronounced dead at the scene.
What we believe the occupants of the vehicle were using on Saturday night.
The only difference is that the toys that they were using were a different color.
Let's hear the left explain that away.
And remember, we talked about Seth Smith the other night?
So, yeah.
We're supposed to go through diversity training to curb our racism.
There is racism in this country.
It's against whites and Asians and other people.
The most racist people in this country tend to be non-whites.
We're the least racist group in America, yet we are the ones hammered the hardest about racism.
It's just false.
I don't feel guilty.
In fact, me and the other Westerners, of all races, by the way, created the modern world.
Scots, Romans, Asians, plenty of blacks.
So the idea that I'm alone and I'm oppressing everyone is fucking horseshit.
You want to get into crime stats?
Well, 80% of it is black on black.
And I think a lot of racist liberals just ignore that because they say, well, they're gangs and they chose that life or some shit like that.
If you want to look at racial crime, black on white versus white on black, there is no comparison.
White on black crime is a fucking myth.
Black on white crime is prevalent, serious, and totally unnoticed.
I shouldn't bring up heavy subjects right at the end.
Let's see if we can lighten it up with this genius who doesn't respect disabilities.
What are you doing up here?
Most legs don't ain't thinking.
Wounded at the war?
What are you doing up here?
Fake?
Triple fake.
Yeah.
Very fake.
Just beach ball level fake.
Beach ball level fake.
Title of the episode?
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Sometimes those titles coming right at the nick of time.
Yeah, I didn't mean to get so heavy right at the end.
I'm here on TGIF, Good Friday, ready to rock and roll and enjoy the weekend, have fun with your family, or start thinking about making a family.
But I guess the reason I did it was to say a backbone of leftist culture seems to be shame and guilt.
It's directed towards white people, and we're told if we're Western chauvinists, we're white supremacists.
No, we don't even notice that the majority of the West is white.
A lot of what we hate is white.
We hate the East, and that's China and Russia.
Communism is white.
Socialism is white, and we don't like those things either.
So you making it racial is boring.
But if you want to delve into that kiddie pool, when we look around, we see we didn't do anything wrong.
America has always been the most egalitarian place on earth.
The West didn't invent slavery, but the West alone abolished it.
So the West is done apologizing.
The West is the best, and you can persecute the proud boys and throw us in jail for daring to fight Antifa and stand up for the American way.
You can throw us in jail for daring to question an election, which was clearly fraudulent and clearly a threat to American democracy and democracy everywhere.
If they can steal it here, they can steal it in your country too.
So our anger is justified.
Our guilt is not.
And we're going to enjoy this weekend without you looming these bullshit socialist narratives about us fucking up the world over our head because you're the one fucking up the world.
You see, just like Joe Biden said, we don't follow the rules and we need to go to jail.
You don't follow the rules, Joe.
You need to go to jail.
Everything they say is the opposite of the truth.
And we're not falling for it anymore.
So enjoy yourselves guilt-free this weekend, ladies and gentlemen of all races.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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