Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #140 - HAPPY ST. PAT'S (Part 1)
Aired: 2022-03-21
Duration: 43:38


=== Sarah Egan And Trump (05:20) ===

[00:01:04]  That reminds me of my good friend Sarah Egan who dumped me because of Proud Boys and Trump and it hurt my feelings.
[00:01:18]  No, it didn't actually.
[00:01:19]  I was just like, that's fucking retarded.
[00:01:22]  I'm drunk.
[00:01:24]  We're doing St. Patty's Day drunk as a skunk.
[00:01:29]  Maddie, are you drunk?
[00:01:31]  Pretty well in the bag.
[00:01:32]  Yep.
[00:01:34]  Pretty well in the bag.
[00:01:36]  Pretty well deep in the bag.
[00:01:38]  Pretty well deep in the bag.
[00:01:44]  Sarah was like a very close friend to me.
[00:01:49]  Sarah Egan.
[00:01:50]  She does like horror makeup.
[00:01:52]  She works on SNL.
[00:01:53]  She does like makeup for SNL.
[00:01:57]  And we were always close.
[00:02:00]  And then the Trump thing happened and she dumped me.
[00:02:04]  And I can't remember what I sent her.
[00:02:06]  I was like, hey, look at this thing.
[00:02:09]  It's a monster that has zits.
[00:02:13]  How would you do that with your technology, whatever?
[00:02:16]  And she didn't respond.
[00:02:17]  I went, oh, wait.
[00:02:19]  Are you dumping me too?
[00:02:22]  Because of the incident that happened, which was Trump?
[00:02:26]  And she didn't respond.
[00:02:28]  Ghosted you.
[00:02:29]  And then I went, oh, what's your biggest beef with me?
[00:02:33]  That I want blacks to go back to Africa or that I don't think the Holocaust happened.
[00:02:40]  Again, no response.
[00:02:42]  I also had this fucking babysitter, Katie Shadowins.
[00:02:48]  We were like two peas in a pod.
[00:02:52]  Totally raunchy jokes.
[00:02:54]  Oh my God, the jokes we told.
[00:02:57]  We were rude bitches.
[00:03:02]  And, you know, when all the shit went down pre-Trump, we were like, haha, what a bunch of fucking losers.
[00:03:09]  And she was the best babysitter, best nanny, best, whatever you call her, oh, bear for my kids.
[00:03:15]  My kids loved her.
[00:03:17]  Fantastic woman, Katie Shadowins.
[00:03:20]  Awesome.
[00:03:22]  And then one day, no, because of Trump.
[00:03:27]  And it's weird because I'll text her and I'll go, hey, I'm here with my daughter.
[00:03:31]  It's her birthday.
[00:03:32]  And she'll go, happy birthday to your daughter.
[00:03:36]  And I'll go, okay.
[00:03:38]  I don't have AIDS.
[00:03:40]  What about me?
[00:03:42]  No reaction.
[00:03:44]  I thought that was a great dishonor to her and to her family.
[00:03:48]  It's so weird with these people.
[00:03:51]  I totally understand if it was pedophilia.
[00:03:55]  And I would support it.
[00:03:57]  If you have a bunch of pals and you want to suck a kid's dick, by all means, you should be ostracized.
[00:04:08]  And castrated.
[00:04:11]  I was going to say circumcised, and that would have rhymed.
[00:04:14]  Just say kill.
[00:04:15]  Just relax to say kill.
[00:04:17]  Well, it would be a better place.
[00:04:19]  Decapitation, no breathing.
[00:04:22]  But it's funny that it's funny that you lose, like when you become like the national divorce, right, with Trump, you understand that you lose like your radical friends.
[00:04:33]  But then you lose friends that are not radical at all.
[00:04:37]  Like John Glazer.
[00:04:40]  I considered him an apolitical friend of mine.
[00:04:44]  He has a black daughter.
[00:04:46]  I clearly didn't care, right?
[00:04:50]  He's an interesting guy, too.
[00:04:51]  That sucks.
[00:04:52]  I didn't go on vacation with him and be like, yeah, when we go on vacations, can you not bring your black daughter?
[00:05:01]  She's gross.
[00:05:04]  She's like, I don't like that.
[00:05:11]  He got popular lately because he did this weird series.
[00:05:14]  At first he did Delocated, and then I think he did this weird thing, an alternate reality thing.
[00:05:21]  It's called Something Daddy.
[00:05:23]  And he did these creepy videos where there's like secret messages in it.
[00:05:26]  So he had just a very recent revival of his popularity.
[00:05:32]  I would say, despite John Glazer stabbing me in the back, and this represents Derek Beckles, too.
[00:05:41]  Two of the funniest human beings on earth.
[00:05:45]  Unbelievably talented.
[00:05:47]  Sprinkles dudes.
[00:05:48]  They have the sprinkles.
[00:05:51]  Very funny.
[00:05:53]  Am I going to be able to fucking maintain a two-hour show this wasted?
[00:05:58]  I think you're doing good so far.
[00:06:01]  I don't know about that.
[00:06:02]  And I'm dead sober, so it is.
[00:06:05]  You're sober?
[00:06:06]  Yep.
[00:06:06]  Well, I'm having, um, I decided because it's a festive thing.

=== Beard Vet and Coffee Buys (10:00) ===

[00:06:11]  I'm having the green lemon lime zoa in a pint glass.
[00:06:14]  Hey, you're blurry, dude.
[00:06:15]  You're blurry.
[00:06:16]  In a pint glass.
[00:06:18]  You're blurry.
[00:06:21]  You're black.
[00:06:23]  I'll have to click.
[00:06:25]  How can you not figure out your job?
[00:06:27]  There we go.
[00:06:29]  There we go.
[00:06:30]  Now you're clear.
[00:06:30]  Now you're clear.
[00:06:31]  So this is a lemon lime zoa.
[00:06:33]  I got the green tie.
[00:06:34]  We're rocking it.
[00:06:36]  All right.
[00:06:37]  Let's call my dad.
[00:06:40]  i was thinking about my son and how much he does not like me anymore because he's a teenager and he's being a dick um and i thought let's because i didn't like my dad for 10 years I'm going to pretend I don't like him anymore.
[00:06:59]  What about that idea?
[00:07:01]  That's a good idea.
[00:07:03]  Yeah.
[00:07:03]  Let's call him and let's be like, fuck you, dad.
[00:07:10]  What do you think?
[00:07:11]  Be a good idea.
[00:07:14]  Pick Jim McGinnis.
[00:07:15]  Ryan can't do it because his dad's gone.
[00:07:18]  And Maddie can't do it because his dad's dead.
[00:07:20]  Yeah.
[00:07:23]  That leaves one of us.
[00:07:25]  Hi, Mom.
[00:07:27]  Hi, baby.
[00:07:28]  How are you?
[00:07:29]  I'm okay.
[00:07:30]  I'm good.
[00:07:31]  I'm going through some stuff in my life right now.
[00:07:36]  Oh, okay.
[00:07:38]  Okay, honey.
[00:07:40]  What's happening?
[00:07:41]  Well, I hope you guys don't take this the wrong way, but I met this 72-year-old named Johnny Blaguinis.
[00:07:52]  Bloginess?
[00:07:54]  Blaguinness.
[00:07:55]  He's Serbian, and he's the best guy.
[00:07:58]  He's a huge mentor to me.
[00:08:01]  He's a huge inspiration.
[00:08:04]  And I thought, as I meet this guy, I thought maybe it's time to cut the cord with some loose ends that are not inspiring me.
[00:08:17]  Yeah, hold on, honey.
[00:08:18]  I'm trying to put you on speaker.
[00:08:22]  Okay, well, you're on speaker.
[00:08:30]  Hi.
[00:08:32]  Sorry, sorry about that, but Dad and I were trying to listen.
[00:08:39]  I'm in bed with this strange guy called Jimmy McKinnon.
[00:08:43]  I just picked him up today and said Paddy's Day.
[00:08:46]  You know, he was drunk.
[00:08:48]  Anyway, sorry.
[00:08:51]  Go on.
[00:08:52]  So I met this senior citizen named, well, we don't need to get into what his name is, but he's a carpenter and he's showing me all these cool things with his trade, like sanding down these oak trees and building a bookshelf.
[00:09:12]  Like, he's an incredible guy.
[00:09:14]  He's 74 years old.
[00:09:16]  And I feel like he might be my new, I don't know, my new dad, in a way.
[00:09:23]  The new guru.
[00:09:25]  My guru.
[00:09:28]  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
[00:09:34]  Because my actual dad has offered me nothing.
[00:09:38]  Nothing in the past.
[00:09:41]  He certainly can't teach you anything about woodworking.
[00:09:46]  I think he built a shelf one that one fell down.
[00:09:52]  Let's cut the cord.
[00:09:54]  To be totally frank, I've been waiting for you guys to die, so I thought I would get enough money to buy a vintage car.
[00:10:00]  And then I realized I have enough money on my own to buy a vintage car.
[00:10:04]  So let's cut the cord.
[00:10:08]  You probably have more money than us.
[00:10:12]  So I guess this is a goodbye call.
[00:10:16]  Oh, okay, honey.
[00:10:18]  Well, please, please don't rush it because if this is our last conversation, I'd like it to be a little longer.
[00:10:26]  Listen, did you know your brother's getting married?
[00:10:33]  It's time for this shit.
[00:10:36]  That's it, huh?
[00:10:38]  We're not talking to them.
[00:10:39]  Fuck them.
[00:10:42]  So anyway, tonight is Get Off My Lawn Live.
[00:10:49]  We do an incredibly exciting pre behind the paywall show with Maddie O'Dell.
[00:10:57]  Everybody, happy St. Patrick's Day.
[00:10:59]  Normally we have Sylvia, but she fell down some stairs and she broke her hip.
[00:11:06]  So my whack pack has been hurt.
[00:11:09]  Once again, we lost Donovan Crip Daddy on Monday and Tuesday.
[00:11:14]  We lost Sylvia.
[00:11:15]  The only whackpacker we have left is Maddie.
[00:11:19]  Somehow his heart is holding on.
[00:11:24]  Not for long.
[00:11:25]  No.
[00:11:28]  So what we do is we have it all free before 30 minutes in, and then we cut you all off.
[00:11:36]  You hear my drunken voice sounding pretty drunk.
[00:11:42]  Who are our sponsors?
[00:11:44]  Well, you have the paper.
[00:11:46]  Wait, what did you do with the papers?
[00:11:47]  I don't want the papers.
[00:11:48]  Just tell me the sponsors.
[00:11:50]  Let's see.
[00:11:50]  I can find out quick.
[00:11:52]  Our ad sales guy says www.
[00:11:57]  Would you rather fuck your wife while staring at Maddie or Ryan?
[00:12:03]  Kate, let me just say something about would you rather stop affecting our immediate families and our lives with our wives.
[00:12:15]  It's weird.
[00:12:17]  It's gay, it's stupid, it's boring.
[00:12:20]  It's like, would you rather suck your dad's dick or eat out your mom?
[00:12:24]  Yeah, they're both horrible.
[00:12:27]  But anyway, other thing, we're going to be raising money on the live chats for Joe Biggs.
[00:12:35]  Yes.
[00:12:36]  Because Joe Biggs needs 80 grand.
[00:12:39]  He's going to the Supreme Court because he's innocent.
[00:12:47]  And this is going to be not the roughest transition ever, but he is a vet.
[00:12:52]  And he has a beard.
[00:12:53]  He's a vet.
[00:12:54]  And we have Beard Vet as a sponsor.
[00:12:58]  We have Beer Vet Coffee.
[00:13:00]  And Beer Vet Coffee isn't just Beer Vet Coffee.
[00:13:02]  And thank God these guys promote the show and show up to sponsor us.
[00:13:09]  Beard Vet Coffee is also Beard Vet Beard Grooming Materials.
[00:13:15]  Did you know that?
[00:13:17]  No, you didn't.
[00:13:18]  And if you apply to Beer Vet, now you're obviously buying coffee.
[00:13:24]  So why don't you buy the coffee from the people who support us?
[00:13:28]  Which is 100% vet owned.
[00:13:33]  We do not have a sponsor that is not vet owned.
[00:13:38]  I don't know why.
[00:13:40]  Beardvet.com, promo code Gavin, beard oils, beard grooming kits, beard grooming products is incredible.
[00:13:51]  The oil smells so good and it makes me wish I had a beard, but I don't.
[00:13:55]  So you lucky fuck freaking people out there with beards, put it on your fucking thing.
[00:14:00]  It smells good.
[00:14:02]  This is the first commercial in history where a Japanese man has insulted the clientele of the product and said, fuck you, I wish I had a beard.
[00:14:15]  Yep.
[00:14:16]  That's never been done.
[00:14:17]  It's a little cuckish, but yeah, I do wish I had a beard so I could put lovely oils in it.
[00:14:23]  Wow.
[00:14:23]  It wouldn't stick in here.
[00:14:25]  What do you have?
[00:14:26]  What is that thing?
[00:14:26]  I don't even know.
[00:14:27]  Peach fuzz.
[00:14:28]  It's like peach vice.
[00:14:29]  It's a weird band-aid.
[00:14:31]  Anyway, beardvet.com, promo code Gavin.
[00:14:35]  Thank you guys for promoting the show.
[00:14:37]  We appreciate it indefinitely.
[00:14:39]  We love you.
[00:14:41]  I like you more than a friend.
[00:14:43]  Yes.
[00:14:44]  Okay.
[00:14:45]  So, and beard.
[00:14:46]  Oh, we didn't do this last week.
[00:14:47]  We're going to do it now.
[00:14:48]  Caller one and two are getting a free gift pack.
[00:14:51]  I hate the word pack from Sean and the Beard Vet team tonight.
[00:14:55]  Thank you, Beard Vet.
[00:14:57]  You hate the word pack?
[00:14:59]  Yeah, and kit.
[00:15:00]  Pack and kit.
[00:15:02]  They just sound like weird ASMR words.
[00:15:06]  You get a prize pack or you get your prize kit.
[00:15:13]  I don't like that.
[00:15:13]  I don't like it.
[00:15:14]  It's like, dugh, dugh.
[00:15:17]  It sounds like splashing, like wet splashing or something.
[00:15:20]  I don't know.
[00:15:21]  Hate it.
[00:15:22]  You know what I mean, Maddie?
[00:15:24]  Not particularly.
[00:15:25]  It's all right.
[00:15:26]  That's fine.
[00:15:26]  No.
[00:15:27]  Well, we do have something exciting.
[00:15:28]  There are people who are supporting our show, and you don't like the particular vernacular of their prizes.
[00:15:34]  Well, it's actually our ad guy.
[00:15:37]  It's his fault yet again.
[00:15:39]  I mean, he's no stranger to having the blame be put on him, but he put the word pack in there.
[00:15:44]  All right.
[00:15:47]  So tonight, the live chats are for Joe Biggs.
[00:15:54]  Not John and Max, but Joe Biggs, who is sitting in a cell for a year because he dared to enter the Capitol, which is the worst thing imaginable.

=== Beta Fish Update (03:48) ===

[00:16:09]  How dare you?
[00:16:10]  How dare you enter the Capitol?
[00:16:14]  Why'd you do that?
[00:16:18]  So right there, you go to the live show on the browser, right under the live show, there's that button.
[00:16:25]  Donate to read a message on air.
[00:16:29]  And then it'll pop up like so.
[00:16:32]  Okay.
[00:16:33]  Hey guys, please check my email.
[00:16:35]  Just got married.
[00:16:37]  Sent to the mailbag.
[00:16:38]  Also, Ryan, please send your workout routine for Mad Gains.
[00:16:44]  Interesting.
[00:16:53]  Hey, you know what?
[00:16:54]  It's weird.
[00:16:55]  I used to love wearing house shoes, but now I love wearing flip-flops.
[00:17:03]  Ryan, what's the previous one?
[00:17:04]  Let's pull that up.
[00:17:06]  Oh, the previous email?
[00:17:08]  Just got married.
[00:17:09]  Lawrence, it came in at 9 o'clock.
[00:17:12]  Okay.
[00:17:13]  It says, let's see, I can pull it up on screen here.
[00:17:17]  Try not to show any info, though.
[00:17:19]  There we go.
[00:17:20]  We should bring a weight bench into this studio.
[00:17:26]  It would rule.
[00:17:27]  How are you doing with your Mantis Shrimp research?
[00:17:30]  What's going on with that?
[00:17:33]  Well, I just got a personal beta for myself, Beta Fish, so I'm getting back into the swing of things.
[00:17:39]  I looked at some of their fluval tanks, which we have to get a very big one.
[00:17:45]  I don't think they had a big enough one there, but I'm going to check out some pet stores and do recon.
[00:17:51]  Did anything come out?
[00:17:52]  Computer, who is Ryan Katsu Rivera?
[00:17:57]  Here's something I found on the web.
[00:17:59]  According to BaltimoreSun.com, Rivera was the defensive coordinator for the Chicago Bears for three seasons before becoming the San Diego Chargers line wrappers coaching.
[00:18:10]  Computer, stop.
[00:18:10]  That was my old life.
[00:18:12]  Computer, who is Ryan Katsu Rivera?
[00:18:18]  According to an Alexa Answers contributor, Matthew Mario Rivera is a successful American producer, reporter.
[00:18:25]  Well, close.
[00:18:28]  Producer, successful.
[00:18:32]  Casey Hunt.
[00:18:36]  No, you suck.
[00:18:37]  You're a stupid bitch.
[00:18:39]  Am I not Google-able?
[00:18:40]  That sucks.
[00:18:41]  She actually sobered me up.
[00:18:48]  Okay, I'm going to go piss.
[00:18:50]  Ryan, you take a call.
[00:18:52]  Let's do this.
[00:18:53]  All right, let's get the calls on.
[00:18:55]  First, we're going to thank you for calling.
[00:18:58]  You are on air.
[00:19:01]  This is a fucking loser.
[00:19:04]  I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.
[00:19:07]  Hey, why does everyone get two things?
[00:19:09]  You have one thing.
[00:19:10]  Thank you for calling.
[00:19:11]  It's great learning from you.
[00:19:12]  Bye-bye.
[00:19:13]  All right, next call.
[00:19:21]  Okay.
[00:19:23]  We're going to get these all set up.
[00:19:27]  See, Maddie's mic is on.

=== Goodbye Kitchen Clip (02:23) ===

[00:19:28]  Yes, sir.
[00:19:29]  stuff, and uh, okay, first call here.
[00:19:40]  307.
[00:19:42]  Hey, what's going on, College?
[00:19:44]  307, you're on the line.
[00:19:46]  Hey, what's up?
[00:19:46]  What's going on, Colin?
[00:19:49]  Not too much.
[00:19:51]  I'm just trying to get on the air.
[00:19:52]  What are you doing?
[00:19:54]  Talking to you on the air.
[00:19:56]  Is this Matt?
[00:19:57]  Yes, it is.
[00:19:58]  Hey, what's up, man?
[00:19:59]  My name's Matt as well.
[00:20:01]  Oh, nice.
[00:20:01]  Nice to meet you, man.
[00:20:02]  Not too much.
[00:20:04]  How's everything going today on St. Patrick's Day?
[00:20:08]  You what now?
[00:20:09]  I said, how's everything going today on the St. Patrick's Day for you?
[00:20:13]  Oh, pretty good.
[00:20:14]  Pretty good.
[00:20:15]  I'm about done with my drink, and I'm about as in the bag as Gavin is right now.
[00:20:20]  Oh, there you go.
[00:20:21]  And I got to work tomorrow, so, you know.
[00:20:25]  Yeah, how's with you?
[00:20:26]  Where's the best episode of Shitty Kitchen?
[00:20:29]  Is that this week?
[00:20:30]  Yeah, it'll be out either tomorrow or the next day.
[00:20:33]  I filmed it.
[00:20:34]  Said thanks for calling.
[00:20:34]  got the fade, but that does lead us into, that's a good point.
[00:20:38]  We filmed another Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen.
[00:20:41]  And that's coming now.
[00:20:42]  I heard, can I just say something?
[00:20:44]  I heard it was so bad that it's actually getting scrapped.
[00:20:48]  No, that's not true at all.
[00:20:50]  I heard that it was so unfunny.
[00:20:52]  Who would scrap it?
[00:20:54]  I mean, you're the boss.
[00:20:56]  Are you scrapping it?
[00:20:58]  Yep.
[00:20:58]  What the hell?
[00:21:01]  Yeah, it's not airing.
[00:21:02]  What the fuck?
[00:21:03]  We worked really hard on that, and I had to eat this.
[00:21:05]  Short-lived.
[00:21:06]  Short-lived.
[00:21:07]  Hey, and it's not taking anything away from Maddie.
[00:21:10]  But what I had to eat on this episode was horrendous.
[00:21:14]  What do you mean?
[00:21:14]  Show us.
[00:21:16]  I don't know if we want to spoil it yet.
[00:21:18]  Show it.
[00:21:19]  Show it.
[00:21:19]  You want to show a little sneak peek?
[00:21:21]  Yeah.
[00:21:21]  Sure.
[00:21:22]  Or it's canceled.
[00:21:23]  Okay, whoa.
[00:21:23]  I'm about to cancel it.
[00:21:25]  I don't want easy.
[00:21:26]  I think we should kill Maddie's Little Kitchen as a show.
[00:21:29]  I don't think you're.
[00:21:30]  I think it's done.
[00:21:31]  You're not speaking with a clear mind.
[00:21:33]  You know what?
[00:21:33]  It's done.
[00:21:34]  Tonight it's done.
[00:21:35]  All right.
[00:21:35]  So you don't want to see the clip?

=== Fucking Tuna Fish (03:49) ===

[00:21:37]  I want to see the clip as a goodbye for why we killed the show.
[00:21:42]  I don't know.
[00:21:43]  It seems like maybe this would save it.
[00:21:45]  So hopefully, Maddie, this clip, this will be good.
[00:21:51]  Help it.
[00:21:52]  Sure.
[00:21:56]  I love hearing you go, whoa.
[00:21:57]  Yeah, it's crappy.
[00:22:00]  Scoop oven.
[00:22:02]  Get in there.
[00:22:06]  Now we won't spoil what's in it.
[00:22:08]  Nasty.
[00:22:10]  What's in it?
[00:22:12]  We got to spoil.
[00:22:13]  You got to leave something.
[00:22:14]  That's not a spoiler.
[00:22:15]  No.
[00:22:16]  Say what's in it.
[00:22:17]  That's not a spoiler.
[00:22:18]  I'll name three ingredients that are in it.
[00:22:20]  Okay.
[00:22:20]  Okay.
[00:22:22]  Tuna fish, fucking Jack Lynx beef jerky and mustard.
[00:22:30]  I love when people say fucking.
[00:22:32]  Fucking fucking tuna fish.
[00:22:38]  Oh, yeah.
[00:22:39]  Dude, it is.
[00:22:39]  It's the real deal.
[00:22:40]  It was tough.
[00:22:41]  Well, I was talking to Maddie earlier at the bar, and he said he had a bite of this and it catapulted me.
[00:22:48]  Yeah, I saw his eyes.
[00:22:49]  Back into his incarceration instantly.
[00:22:51]  And he remembered being in prison.
[00:22:54]  Magically.
[00:22:55]  Like, you went to a place.
[00:22:57]  I saw you.
[00:22:58]  You did this.
[00:22:58]  You went.
[00:23:00]  Yeah.
[00:23:00]  The whole texture taste and everything.
[00:23:02]  I was just like, wow.
[00:23:03]  Oh, my God.
[00:23:04]  You could feel the walls around you and shit.
[00:23:07]  Fantastic.
[00:23:08]  Yeah.
[00:23:08]  Wow.
[00:23:10]  Do you remember like every time, like, this is what I was thinking, when you were crunching up one of the ingredients, the Cheetos?
[00:23:16]  Do you remember?
[00:23:17]  Because usually when you're doing something methodical, like if I'm cutting scallions, for instance, I'll think of one of the times I was cutting scallions at the old restaurant.
[00:23:25]  Did it bring you back to a specific time where you were bashing the Cheetos and crushing up the ingredients?
[00:23:30]  Yeah, I mean, we've made, I made tons of those things.
[00:23:34]  Not like just one occasion, but it was a daily routine.
[00:23:39]  Me with a bunch of other people.
[00:23:41]  So Detective Shitty just said to an ex-con, We made prison food with you while we were making the prison food.
[00:23:51]  Did that bring you back to when you were in prison?
[00:23:55]  No.
[00:23:56]  The answer is yes.
[00:23:57]  No, specifically.
[00:23:58]  It's like when I was cutting scallions, I'd be listening to Opie and Anthony.
[00:24:02]  So I'd imagine it's a hot day.
[00:24:04]  You know, like the doors open to the restaurant, so I'm getting a little bit of a breeze.
[00:24:08]  And I remember like a specific time listening to like a Louis C.K. boat story cutting scallions.
[00:24:13]  Like a specific time.
[00:24:16]  No, not.
[00:24:16]  I mean, it brought me back to being in Virginia in CVRJ, Central Virginia Regional Jail.
[00:24:22]  Is that the only place you made this dish?
[00:24:25]  No, they've made them all over the place.
[00:24:26]  And what was the dish?
[00:24:28]  I mean, we used to call it a mashup there in that particular jail, but other people call it a swole, a brick, a spread.
[00:24:38]  I mean, there's all different names.
[00:24:40]  The lighting hasn't been.
[00:24:41]  Depending on where you are geographically in the country, there's different names for stuff.
[00:24:46]  So you guys broke up a bunch of Cheetos and put them on some ramen noodles and poured hot water on them.
[00:24:52]  That's basically what this episode is going to be when we air it.
[00:24:55]  Similar.
[00:24:55]  There's way more.
[00:24:56]  There's a lot more other stuff in there, but yeah.
[00:24:58]  It's like 20 ingredients.
[00:24:59]  That's all the stuff you can get off commissary that that's available to you.
[00:25:03]  Like all the stuff.
[00:25:04]  Hey, Gav, you want to turn your mic on?
[00:25:07]  What do you mean?
[00:25:07]  For the Peach Tree on the line.

=== Watching Parades Footage (15:46) ===

[00:25:14]  Hello, Peachtree.
[00:25:18]  Peach Tree.
[00:25:19]  Or two cents.
[00:25:20]  Wow!
[00:25:23]  Hello.
[00:25:24]  What's going on?
[00:25:25]  What's up, Peachtree?
[00:25:29]  Who the fuck's Peachtree?
[00:25:31]  That's what it says on the screener.
[00:25:33]  Screener's not very accurate, apparently.
[00:25:36]  You got the wrong motherfucker.
[00:25:38]  You're Peach Tree.
[00:25:39]  Anyway.
[00:25:40]  Yeah, this was Mark from Philadelphia.
[00:25:43]  No, you're Peachtree.
[00:25:45]  And you've called 18 times.
[00:25:47]  I'll take it.
[00:25:48]  Hey, real quick, look, I know that I only get one thing.
[00:25:51]  So the first thing isn't really a thing, but, you know, I want to get myself a bird, which is the bald eagle tattoo only part of the club.
[00:26:01]  So where can I find your guy?
[00:26:04]  You know what?
[00:26:06]  Good question.
[00:26:06]  We should make that thing.
[00:26:09]  Yeah.
[00:26:10]  I'm trying to get in the club.
[00:26:12]  We should put that on the site.
[00:26:13]  Because we're about to have a massive party in Orlando that is going to be at Censored.tv Apalooza.
[00:26:22]  Nice.
[00:26:23]  Maddie and I will be there.
[00:26:24]  We're going to do the whole show.
[00:26:26]  It's going to be awesome.
[00:26:27]  And if you have this tattoo, you get in free.
[00:26:32]  Nice.
[00:26:33]  Oh, yeah.
[00:26:33]  So we do need to make this, you know, tattooable.
[00:26:39]  Totes.
[00:26:40]  So we're on it, buddy.
[00:26:42]  Thanks for calling.
[00:26:43]  We're going to fucking fix that problem.
[00:26:46]  It's funny when you're drunk, you see yourself slurring and not handling problems, and your brain is like coherent.
[00:26:55]  And you're like, get it together, shithead.
[00:26:59]  Like, I got this.
[00:27:00]  Seeing yourself as a third person.
[00:27:02]  Yeah, you're watching a drunken idiot.
[00:27:10]  All right, we got another one on the line here.
[00:27:14]  Bugging 619.
[00:27:16]  You're on the line.
[00:27:17]  Hello.
[00:27:17]  Fucking nine.
[00:27:19]  What's going on?
[00:27:20]  What's up, 619?
[00:27:23]  What's up?
[00:27:24]  Tight lips do not sell.
[00:27:27]  Thank you.
[00:27:31]  That was great, Ryan.
[00:27:32]  No, just a quick idea.
[00:27:35]  Ryan, you're kind of a genius.
[00:27:37]  Your fucking drops are gold.
[00:27:39]  Thanks.
[00:27:39]  And I thought maybe using Go's idea of like the karaoke's with the facewaps, if you did request to maybe earn some extra bucks for the show.
[00:27:50]  Good idea.
[00:27:51]  I haven't really thought it all the way through, but you know, you guys are pretty good with that stuff.
[00:27:55]  I thought that would be a good idea for a lot of the callers here.
[00:27:57]  That's all.
[00:27:58]  Mash up impression songs.
[00:27:59]  Good idea.
[00:28:01]  All right, so let's go behind the paywall now.
[00:28:05]  Thank you very much, Freeloaders, for checking in on Drunks on St. Patty's Day.
[00:28:12]  But we are now officially shutting down the thing.
[00:28:20]  You're done.
[00:28:21]  You're fucked.
[00:28:23]  You're in trouble.
[00:28:24]  You're toasted.
[00:28:25]  You're fired.
[00:28:27]  Did you like the Johnny Rebel thing this week?
[00:28:31]  Yeah, that was pretty.
[00:28:32]  That mask was haunting.
[00:28:35]  Yeah, a lot of people said those really cool.
[00:28:36]  I can't believe how many people told us that Johnny Rebel's a guy in America.
[00:28:43]  Can I pull that up real quick?
[00:28:44]  It's amazing.
[00:28:46]  It's shocking.
[00:28:47]  The email that we got from this gent who didn't get.
[00:28:51]  Do you people have any idea that I never really truly fired Ryan?
[00:28:57]  Joe Tonelli never worked here.
[00:28:59]  Oh my God.
[00:29:04]  Are you familiar with Johnny Rebel?
[00:29:07]  Like, you guys keep explaining our jokes.
[00:29:11]  It's all coming out now, huh?
[00:29:13]  Yeah, it's all all off.
[00:29:14]  You know, it was tough because I was on Dalton Claude Felter's show, and he was like, so the firing thing, and I was like, no, it wasn't rehearsed, you know, but I had, we had planned to.
[00:29:24]  The brilliant thing about firing Ryan was Joe Tonelli only had one day off.
[00:29:29]  So we filmed his bits on Tuesday, and then we also aired it on Thursday.
[00:29:37]  So both of his experiences were filmed on the same day.
[00:29:43]  And when you saw him going, what?
[00:29:45]  Are you serious?
[00:29:46]  Come on, really?
[00:29:47]  He wasn't there.
[00:29:49]  That was fake.
[00:29:51]  It's true.
[00:29:53]  We tricked you.
[00:29:56]  So when you saw that guy reacting to me on the Thursday night, he was in White Plains on Thursday night.
[00:30:04]  He was not there.
[00:30:06]  Negative.
[00:30:06]  No.
[00:30:08]  So he was actually video drops.
[00:30:12]  And yes, when he was looking at his girlfriend, it was actually Ryan.
[00:30:16]  I'm talking about that.
[00:30:18]  So I don't want to ruin all of the gags we do on the show, but come on, for fuck's sakes.
[00:30:26]  negative you know it gave it away the little We like Easter eggs.
[00:30:35]  And one of the Easter eggs was me clearly saying, no, no, no, say this at the end of one of those clips.
[00:30:40]  Well, I love people telling us who Johnny Rebel is.
[00:30:43]  Oh, my God.
[00:30:44]  Yeah, yeah, that was great.
[00:30:45]  And they're like, Rebel?
[00:30:46]  Lebra is Rebel backwards.
[00:30:48]  Yeah.
[00:30:49]  It's also how Chinese people say L's and R's.
[00:30:55]  You fucking dummy.
[00:30:57]  He's very informative.
[00:30:58]  Like, if we didn't know, this is a full summary of who that gentleman is.
[00:31:02]  Did a great job of that.
[00:31:03]  It's like the people telling us about the crazy hot matrix.
[00:31:08]  Like, there's so many fucking zoomers on this show explaining us, explaining to us the most basic things imaginable.
[00:31:20]  So do we send them off with the get fired and the music?
[00:31:24]  Yes.
[00:31:24]  All right.
[00:31:25]  So, goodbye, freeloaders.
[00:31:29]  Hi.
[00:31:30]  I'm sorry, I'm drunk.
[00:31:32]  I'm actually sorry, Maddie's so drunk.
[00:31:34]  Maddie's much more drunk than me.
[00:31:36]  Look at him.
[00:31:37]  He holds it together.
[00:31:39]  Maddie, what's eight times eight?
[00:31:41]  Eight times eight?
[00:31:42]  72.
[00:31:43]  Say, no, 64.
[00:31:44]  Yep.
[00:31:45]  See, wasted.
[00:31:47]  Never do math in public.
[00:31:48]  So, I agree.
[00:31:50]  Or in private.
[00:31:51]  I'm the only sober person here tonight, but we have to shut it down anyway because you guys are fucking.
[00:31:59]  Oh, wait, wait, wait.
[00:32:01]  Let me just explain something before we shut it down.
[00:32:05]  So I was under the impression that I could have three different crews.
[00:32:14]  My boxing crew, my MAGA dad crew, and wait, what's the third?
[00:32:25]  Local crew.
[00:32:27]  Oh, duck-in crew.
[00:32:29]  My local bar crew.
[00:32:32]  So I get wasted, whatever.
[00:32:35]  And then today they go, we're going to go on a pub crawl.
[00:32:41]  So I go, that's awesome.
[00:32:43]  So I don't go out late last night.
[00:32:47]  I get a good eight hours.
[00:32:49]  I spar, which to me means like sparring is like going to a spa.
[00:32:58]  Like it's like doing hot yoga.
[00:33:00]  Like you're ready to tackle the rest of the day if you spar.
[00:33:04]  Now, while I sparred, I got my ass handed to me.
[00:33:09]  I got fucking fucked up on the chin.
[00:33:12]  I actually did not like today very much at all.
[00:33:15]  Huey was very bad to me.
[00:33:26]  Matty's face when he did that.
[00:33:28]  You gotta be careful with that.
[00:33:29]  So I'm sitting here.
[00:33:31]  I come back to the studio and I'm watching like Dave Wakefield and Stevie Jones jukebox and I watch a bunch of old punk stuff and Steve Jones is talking about mods and rockers and stuff, which was the origin of the Proud Boys.
[00:33:47]  And I start getting in touch with who I am as a person.
[00:33:51]  And I'm like, I'm a flamboyant dude.
[00:33:53]  I'm a peacock.
[00:33:55]  I get it.
[00:33:56]  I get me.
[00:33:58]  So I stop waiting for the text from the boxer guys.
[00:34:04]  This is at like 1 p.m.
[00:34:07]  And I put on this stupid suit.
[00:34:10]  And I go to McLean Avenue in Yonkers.
[00:34:17]  And I go to Dussy Somethings as the first bar.
[00:34:22]  Dirty Nelly's.
[00:34:23]  Dirty Nelly's.
[00:34:25]  I go to Dirty Nelly's.
[00:34:27]  And I'm there.
[00:34:28]  And I have a couple beers and I watch.
[00:34:31]  You know, when you're alone at a bar, you're watching like fucking golf and basketball.
[00:34:39]  And you're like.
[00:34:42]  And McLean Avenue is very regional.
[00:34:46]  So they're not like, hello, where are you from, buddy?
[00:34:49]  Like, let's talk.
[00:34:52]  So I go, okay.
[00:34:53]  And I don't mind that, by the way.
[00:34:54]  I don't need love.
[00:34:57]  And watching those old videos of the English Beat and Pete Townsend and Stevie Jones had like reinstilled who I am as a person.
[00:35:08]  And I remembered that I like youth subculture.
[00:35:12]  So I was like, this is who I am.
[00:35:14]  And I'm going to go to McLean Avenue alone and enjoy myself.
[00:35:21]  So then I go do that.
[00:35:22]  And then I pay my bill.
[00:35:24]  I have two buds in a can.
[00:35:26]  And I go to Whistling Donkey.
[00:35:30]  And are you laughing?
[00:35:33]  Well, me?
[00:35:35]  No, not Maddie.
[00:35:37]  No.
[00:35:37]  No, I'm not laughing at all.
[00:35:39]  I don't think it's funny.
[00:35:40]  I almost was brought to tears.
[00:35:42]  Basically.
[00:35:43]  I mean, because what you're saying is you fundamentally, you know, grounded yourself and found out who you were again.
[00:35:49]  And it's like, well, sure, anybody can do that.
[00:35:52]  Read a book.
[00:35:53]  Read your own biography.
[00:35:54]  But I'd say you don't have the biography.
[00:35:56]  Well, it's like, what do you do?
[00:35:57]  It's like, well, you listen to music.
[00:35:59]  And music has the power.
[00:36:02]  I have a biography.
[00:36:03]  I have a book called Death of the Cool.
[00:36:04]  That's my.
[00:36:05]  Yeah, not everybody has a book, Joe.
[00:36:08]  So when you listen to it.
[00:36:10]  Why are you crying?
[00:36:10]  When you listen to music, it makes you feel like, holy, like there's some hope, like there's inspiration.
[00:36:20]  And that's what you did.
[00:36:20]  And I think it's a beautiful thing.
[00:36:22]  Hold on.
[00:36:22]  I wasn't even remotely depressed.
[00:36:25]  I was just annoyed.
[00:36:27]  I know.
[00:36:28]  But I'm not crying because of sad things.
[00:36:31]  I cry because of happy things.
[00:36:35]  Like Joe Rogan.
[00:36:36]  Like, Joe.
[00:36:39]  It's beautiful.
[00:36:40]  Actually, I didn't mean to cut you off.
[00:36:47]  What were you saying?
[00:36:50]  So anyway, I go to the second bar.
[00:36:54]  Now it's like 3 p.m.
[00:36:56]  So when I was sitting at the studio, which is like three feet from here, I thought I could work on my book.
[00:37:03]  I could do some stuff, but I don't want to like start a two-hour project.
[00:37:07]  And then I get a call to go to McField, McLaren.
[00:37:12]  What's it called?
[00:37:12]  McLean.
[00:37:13]  McFuck.
[00:37:14]  McLean.
[00:37:15]  Who are you, McLean?
[00:37:17]  Fuck.
[00:37:19]  So I go down there and I go, um, fuck you.
[00:37:31]  I hate you.
[00:37:33]  You said that to them?
[00:37:34]  Yeah.
[00:37:36]  Fuck you.
[00:37:37]  I hate you.
[00:37:39]  I did.
[00:37:41]  I went to two different bars.
[00:37:43]  I had three beers.
[00:37:45]  I watched a bunch of fucking footage from various parades.
[00:37:55]  And let me tell you exactly what I said.
[00:37:57]  Okay?
[00:37:58]  You ready?
[00:37:59]  Yes.
[00:38:00]  We have footage of you entering the bar, by the way.
[00:38:03]  What you do?
[00:38:04]  Hello.
[00:38:05]  Okay.
[00:38:06]  So I go, I'm going to send you this, Ryan.
[00:38:09]  Okay.
[00:38:10]  I'm sorry, that wasn't the footage.
[00:38:11]  This was the footage.
[00:38:12]  Good afternoon, guys.
[00:38:16]  Ryan, I actually don't like it when you're funnier than me on my shot.
[00:38:22]  So let's have a little like meter.
[00:38:27]  Let's cool it down.
[00:38:28]  You get like a well, it's fitting that it's a meter, isn't it?
[00:38:32]  Because it's about me, not about you.
[00:38:33]  Otherwise, it'd be a Uater.
[00:38:35]  Okay, so this is what I said.
[00:38:37]  I go, gotta love Ryan's pub crawls.
[00:38:41]  He really knows how to put a party together.
[00:38:44]  And then one of the people on the chat goes, where are you at?
[00:38:50]  You got your Sunday best on?
[00:38:52]  And then some stranger, I don't know, I just see him as a number.
[00:38:55]  He's like, yo, I'll be in that area at seven.
[00:38:58]  Anyone sell out?
[00:38:59]  And then he goes, Gavin, Uber to Rory Dollins.
[00:39:06]  And I go, no.
[00:39:08]  I go, I just did Dirty Nellies.
[00:39:12]  Now I'm at Whistling Donkey.
[00:39:15]  I had a great day so far watching parades and golf on TV.
[00:39:21]  And he's like, dude, come down where we are.
[00:39:26]  And I go, wait, you already started hanging out?
[00:39:29]  Oh.
[00:39:30]  I go, thanks for the heads up.
[00:39:32]  Yeesh.
[00:39:33]  And he goes, I said I'd text you after I'm done eating.
[00:39:36]  I go, I got a way better idea.
[00:39:39]  Why don't you go fuck yourself?
[00:39:42]  Damn.
[00:39:45]  And then I said it worse, because he's had a lot of shitty pub grawls that have sucked.
[00:39:52]  The first one was awesome.
[00:39:53]  We dressed up as the guys from like Peaky Blinders.
[00:39:57]  But the past like four, five have sucked shit.
[00:40:01]  So I go, I'm done with these shitty parties and half-assed plans.
[00:40:06]  Buh-bye.
[00:40:09]  And he's like, I'm waiting for you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
[00:40:17]  Bye-bye.
[00:40:17]  Damn.
[00:40:19]  So was he hurt by that?
[00:40:20]  Who cares?
[00:40:22]  Wow.
[00:40:25]  So anyway, the moral of the story is, remember when you would fuck a bunch of chicks when you were single?
[00:40:33]  And you had like that tall Korean chick that you love fucking, but you had nothing in common with?
[00:40:40]  And you would try to fuck her like once every two weeks.
[00:40:42]  But if you didn't talk to her regularly via text, she'd like move on.

=== Done With Crews (02:54) ===

[00:40:50]  So I think what I learned today is you can't have like three crews.
[00:40:59]  I used to have my Mameronek duck-in crew, my MAGA dad Larchmont crew, and my boxing crew.
[00:41:10]  I think it's naive to think you can have three kids and three crews.
[00:41:14]  I gotta amalgamate those.
[00:41:17]  I am done.
[00:41:18]  You're done.
[00:41:19]  I'm done.
[00:41:20]  Yeah, that's me.
[00:41:22]  I'm done.
[00:41:23]  I'm done trying to have three crews.
[00:41:26]  Too much work.
[00:41:27]  It's too much work.
[00:41:30]  Like when you call, when you meet that girl that you fucked, that like tall Korean chick, and you're like, hey, Liz, I want to fuck you again.
[00:41:39]  And she's like, I haven't seen you in three weeks, dude.
[00:41:42]  I haven't heard from you.
[00:41:43]  Not even a text.
[00:41:44]  I have a boyfriend now.
[00:41:46]  Goodbye.
[00:41:47]  You're not the chick that you could just call at any time, put in no work.
[00:41:51]  Yeah.
[00:41:52]  yeah fuck that wait you sound like well i like him too but i don't know if i like him that much At any rate, I'm on your side.
[00:42:03]  Tonight was an abomination.
[00:42:05]  I'm done with my boxing crew.
[00:42:07]  I'm done with those guys.
[00:42:08]  I'm breaking up with them.
[00:42:10]  My crews are now my local bar and my MAGA dads.
[00:42:16]  Damn.
[00:42:19]  Well, they get what they freaking deserve.
[00:42:27]  It hurts.
[00:42:31]  What the?
[00:42:32]  What was that?
[00:42:35]  Hey, computer, what's eight times seven?
[00:42:38]  64.
[00:42:41]  Oops.
[00:42:42]  I never heard a woman be good at math before.
[00:42:45]  All right, so we're done.
[00:42:46]  We're going behind the paywall.
[00:42:49]  We're going to take live stream donations for exclusively Joe Biggs, who is in solitary confinement for daring to trespass on the Capitol.
[00:43:04]  We'll also answer letters and have a gay old time.
[00:43:09]  But as far as fucking, you know, freeloaders, goodbye.
[00:43:17]  Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
[00:43:22]  Whatever it costs I will pay So be easy and free when everything can honey on money.
[00:43:36]  Nothing wrong with that.
[00:43:37]  Every time.