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July 16, 2021 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
01:41:30
S04E11 - ADVANCED PHYSICS FOR RETARDS
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Time Text
Oh, live from New York.
It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.
Don't remix, you know?
Imagine how gay, not homo, but lame you'd feel in a club dancing to that.
Dude, if that's your trick, though, and that song comes on, but oh, that's sad, actually.
Nobody's paying attention.
You're like, hey guys, guys, guys, guys, you're on the dance floor like this.
And then nobody wants to fuck you at all.
Everyone's talking over there.
And you're like, hello, guys.
I'm doing my special face that I do.
They must be scared.
Third world, the third world sucks.
Like, you look at his videos and you think, you're probably the coolest guy in India, and I feel deep embarrassment for you.
I feel dejeep embarrassment for you.
Cringe is a compliment.
He hopes to make it to cringe.
Cringe is like his goal.
He's sub-cringe.
When you see that, and you just sort of go, haw.
I was going to do this song that a reader sent in.
I keep saying reader.
Is that from Vice Days?
A subscriber.
We've got to come up with a better name, viewer.
Yeah.
A viewer sent in.
Subscriber, viewer.
I've seen this before, but I almost chose it as a song.
It's a great little jam, Hobo Johnson.
He's a great poet, which is hard to say because poetry is gay, but this ends up being lyrics to a song.
And he shit on some girl who was going to have a book because he was stoned.
Anyway, you can hear it.
I really hope that you find happiness in the book you write's magnificent.
And I won't help but stare at every word that would burn holes in many mattresses.
After I place it down, read and fold that lovely little book titled I told you.
So yeah, you're throw.
Well, you mad at me.
You're thorough.
And that sucks.
I don't think I'm going to change.
I think I'll get way worse.
I best stay the same.
So, so you'll be fucking world renowned.
Well, I'm getting drunk at my house.
Think about the dumb words I said when I was a bitch.
He's no Valde Victorian.
He's not as good as that black girl who got up there and said, there's no justice, just does.
What the fuck was she saying?
Amanda Gorman?
The black chick.
Amanda Gorman, yeah.
Is that the inauguration?
I hate wordplay, too.
You know what I mean?
The libraries where they keep the lies.
That was what her whole thing was.
This is like a guy who's great at writing lyrics.
He's apologizing to her because he was stoned.
He said her book's going to suck.
And we all know her book is going to suck.
But that's not the point.
You want to encourage people.
Go ahead.
Make me look.
And she stopped.
And she cried that night.
And she's right.
She's going to write her book.
It's going to make me look like a fool.
And I know that she'll find happiness.
And her book will be magnificent.
And I won't help but stare at every word.
It would bring holes in many mattresses.
This kind of shit renews my faith in young men.
I just, I want them to be romantic.
That's why I hate video games so much.
Because I'm worried you're not out there courting ladies.
Guys always say, like, how do you pick up a chick?
Just dive headlong into it.
Do something gay.
Like, go to a house with flowers.
Be a cornball.
Say, I know this is super lame and it comes from the 1920s, but I just can't stop thinking about you here.
You know?
You know how I got a girl once?
We were in class in college and our elbows were touching.
And I told her that that might have meant nothing to you, but I just milked everything I could out of that one little piece of contact.
I left my brain and I went inside my body and I crawled down to that little elbow part where we were both touching and I put 100% of me in that little dime-sized dot.
And I got us to be together for that one moment.
Fucked her the next night.
Yeah, that worked.
Did you take that from somewhere?
No, I'm a genius.
That's amazing.
It was from the heart.
That's why it was good.
I was looking up that band yesterday, too, The Week Modern Baseball, because that guy was so romantic.
And all those songs are about, like, I can't believe I'm walking away.
Something so great we had one day and still we want to get back together and do.
I mean, I'm old, so I get that it's juvenile, but I still love to see, I don't know, young people trying.
That's all we want.
That's all I ask.
Like I worked so hard to, you know, live every moment.
And then I pass the torch to the next generation and they go, no, thanks, and let it fall on the floor.
Then it starts a brush fire because there's so much dead grass.
Stop it.
Grab the torch, run with it.
What's this one?
Hope that's not meant to look tough.
A little bit of Daniel Johnson in there, huh?
I think about you every day.
I think that's his actual girlfriend, too, which is cool.
You know, I looked them up on Wikipedia.
Look up Modern Baseball Band on Wikipedia.
And I got kind of scared because I saw the word they.
And I think it's just a typo.
But it's possible he's changed his fucking pronouns.
Doesn't that break your heart in two when you see a romantic heterosexual?
Okay, go down.
Way down, way down.
Musical style.
Wait a minute.
Is that it?
No, go up again, I guess.
Oh, yeah.
In January 2017, Brendan Lucens, that's the guy we just saw, the singer, released a statement saying they would not be joining the band.
Doesn't that look like they-them pronouns?
Are the kids today so fucked up and PC that normal straight men just use they-them?
It's very confusing, young people, when you change pronouns that they, them would not be joining the band on the European tour.
Instead, they want to stay at home and focus on their mental and physical well-being.
Is that a typo or does he use gay pronouns?
Even though he's not gay.
Oh, look at this.
Yeah.
Called it.
Oh, that's where I stole it from.
Thanks for blowing up my spot.
Well, I could have just not blown the spot.
You worry about guys like that when they're so romantic.
They're usually troubled if they're able to make such great songs that they have breakdowns.
They snap.
By the way, speaking of snapping, I want to replay the intro to yesterday's show because it was one of the worst fuck-ups that Ryan's ever done.
It's so terrible.
Getting a motorcycle into the studio is not easy.
And you've got big shoes to fill.
D-Day, Meatloaf, in Rocky Horror.
So you want it to be a grand entrance, despite the khakis and sockless Chuck Taylors.
But with all that pressure, Ryan dropped the ball through the floor.
He dropped a bowling ball through a glass floor.
It's so bad.
Okay, that starts out good.
There's they singing a great song.
Okay, so camera three.
The uh oops, almost crashed there.
So that's good.
End of camera three starting now.
What?
Why are we back on camera three?
I didn't want to show your license plate.
I told you that it's fine to show the license plate.
I would have covered it up if it was a problem.
And that's, this should have been camera two.
That was camera one.
We already discussed the license plate.
I didn't hear license plate stuff.
Yes.
Was that with Maddie?
Right here.
Were you over in the bar?
No, it was right here.
Where was I?
I don't know.
Outside jerking off?
Brian.
Getting someone's information from their license plate is fucking impossible.
You need to find a corrupt cop who's willing to risk his entire pension, and even then you got to pay him like $200 to $500.
It's really, really hard.
Our Thursday regular is here, Mr. No, it's not.
Just go online.
There's all kinds of places where you pay.
Really?
There are?
Thanks, Millennials.
You're experts on everything.
Give it a whirl and get back to me.
Sign up and see what it tells you.
Because it doesn't tell you shit.
Look at how my shirt matches the background perfectly.
That's kind of unusual.
So what do you think of that pathetic intro where you ruined everything?
It could have been better.
We could have gone for a take two.
And you were supposed to play the video of the fucking...
Like, I asked you to come in early, and then 10 minutes before, you're checking Maddie's mic, which was also a catastrophe.
No one could hear him on the Skype calls.
One guy said that.
The other guy was talking to Maddie.
So one guy said that, Ergo, what?
It's just an opinion and it's wrong?
Maybe.
What?
So the other people could hear it perfectly, but that one guy couldn't hear it.
I don't know.
But the numbers are, we had about 12 calls to one call complaining about Maddie.
Yeah.
And then people talking directly to him and talking back to him.
No, this isn't like a fruit compote where most people enjoyed the dessert, but one person didn't like it.
The other people suffered through the shitty audio.
And we know that the audio is shitty because one person pointed it out.
That's not an opinion thing.
Audio either works or it doesn't.
The Skype thing.
How does your brain work?
I realized why the...
Well, I read the comments sometimes, and then you'll always get one guy saying something, and then somebody's like, what are you talking about?
There's just, there's always, there's never definitely, that's why it can't really be trusted as a...
No, no, no.
Something like AC.
I can hear the AC.
I can't.
That's one thing that's open to something.
But when someone says they can barely hear Maddie, they can barely hear Mattie.
Anyway, that's enough talk of that.
But your problem is you don't learn because you block information from your tiny fucking brain.
So you hear something and you go, well, just one person said that.
And you push out the information.
Well, no, I did check on what was going on.
I checked out all my levels here.
He was actually clipping.
And so that's the information.
That's your board, though.
The people at home could not hear Maddie.
It's just a simple lav into the computer.
And so there's no messing around with the levels.
It's just not fixable.
No, no, no.
But then afterwards, when he couldn't hear us at all, the callers couldn't hear us at all.
We had to just restart Skype, and then that worked.
But he was hearing you, so therefore he should have been hearing Maddie.
And I don't know why.
Was he talking about right before that call or while he was on the line when he was hearing Maddie?
See, now you're slightly curious because I'm raking you over the coals.
Now you're looking into it, but formerly you just blocked it out.
I want to know what he is.
And the reason I'm bringing that up on the show is because this is how people stay dumb.
I told you that story 100 times about Derek Beckos when we were trying to figure out how Bob Geldof is rich, and he said it's because he's a sur and the queen gives all the surs a certain stipend, which didn't make sense.
And then we looked it up and discovered that Bob Geldof got in on the ground floor of reality TV and big brother type shows, like even the real world.
He somehow, I don't know, copyrighted that or worked with media companies, whatever.
And then when Derek found that out, instead of going, oh, that's why he's rich, he goes, yeah, no, still because he's a sir.
So they have like a force field where information can't get in.
That's how you stay dumb.
That's how you never improve.
You have to take in information, take in criticism, and write down on like a chalkboard.
We have a major problem here.
People can't hear Maddie on the Thursday night shows.
That's your to-do list now when there's like a lull in work.
You understand?
Right.
You're just saying right to make me move on.
I want to try something kind of new today.
I don't really like the green screen anymore.
I figure if I have four TVs, we could do a green screen from here, but let's try it out first.
Now, a viewer sent in the worst Dharman video ever made.
It's literally retarded.
And let's try doing a green screen here with Camera 2.
So I sent it to you separately.
It's not in the notes.
And it involves, you know what it involves?
There's a lot of, like the dummies and the assholes are usually white males on this show.
And it's like racist propaganda.
It makes you hate white males.
If you did this with any other group, if every video he had was an Asian female being a cunt, you'd go, oh, the anti-Asian woman fund is obviously donating to this guy so he can make Asian women look bad.
But that's what I think is going on with these white males.
This would be better on a green screen already.
It's too dark.
Let's just maybe do it with telecaster.
I mean, TriCaster.
Anyway, press play.
Let's hear it.
Go back to the green.
Okay, stop.
Remember that this guy is so retarded that he can't even in his head go 13B.
He has to out loud say 14, 14A, 14B.
That's sort of like us if there was this complex Rubrik's cube code for everything, every chair, every aisle seat, row, and you'd go like, okay, blue on top, green on the side.
Okay, no, two greens and a yellow and a blue on the, okay.
It's that complicated to this person.
So we're talking about an IQ of 80.
Like Ryan levels, right?
That's who we're with now.
I want you to remember that because it comes up later.
Secondly, if you see someone with Down syndrome getting on your flight and you go, oh, God, that implies this has happened before.
Now, liberals have aborted these people literally to death.
So how did you get the chance to be jaded by retards?
They become unicorns.
You see like one a month if you're a world traveler who's out looking at people all day.
I don't know when I last saw a retard.
And I don't like calling them retards.
I don't know when I last saw someone with Down syndrome.
Can you think of when you last saw one?
Besides me looking at one right now?
Yes.
When?
A couple weeks ago.
And then I also saw a midget last week.
Who's more common, midgets or retards?
Ooh, retards.
In my experience.
They're neck and neck.
Retards used to smoke them.
Retards used to be...
I fucking hung out with retards.
I was drowning in retards as a kid.
And thalidomide people.
We'd go camping.
There'd always be one dad who was just like lobster arms.
And you didn't even notice.
You're just like, oh, his arms are fucked up.
Yeah, I remember those guys.
It'd be like someone with a birthmark here.
You just go, oh, that's a thing.
And then you'd forget about it.
Now, if you saw someone like that, you'd go, what the fuck?
Why aren't you at the circus?
Should I be paying three bucks to look at you?
Anyway, so this, I'm not even done.
So this guy's jaded with the person with Down syndrome.
That doesn't make sense because you don't see them.
But also, say you did hate all people with Down syndrome.
You're a fucking freak, weirdo asshole that represents one in a fucking million.
But like vocalizing it and going, oh, God.
Maybe a black woman would do that.
Certainly not a white male.
He doesn't want to lose his job, his everything, his family.
His wife would divorce him because this would go viral.
This would be filmed.
Switch to TriCaster.
It's too dark.
Oh, excuse me.
Excuse me.
You're rubbing all up against me.
Oh, wait, mate, stop.
That's black talk.
All up on my shirt.
You're rubbing up all against, all up against me?
That's not how old white guys with white hair talk.
Did you just get your hair and your nails did, too?
Maybe he's just trying to speak his language.
Maybe he doesn't think he's retarded.
He just thinks he's black.
Should I talk to the hand because you ain't got no man?
Excuse me, excuse me.
You're rubbing all up against me.
Like gay Nick DiPaulo?
Nick DiPaulo is taking testosterone, but he got the needles wrong and he's been injecting estrogen.
Hillary Clinton ain't that bad, all right?
I mean, Trump, I mean, he had a lot of flaws.
Excuse me, excuse me, you're rubbing all up against me.
Oh, I am so sorry.
An actor's gay.
Yeah.
Not the retard.
The retard is thinking, look at this fag.
I don't want to sit next to this fag.
God, I just said I took another fucking fag.
Oh, great.
I'm just having problems with my bag.
It's not rocket science.
Oh, here.
Let me help you with that.
Thank you so much.
I don't know why they make the deal so complicated.
They're not complicated.
You're just not smart enough.
Okay, stop.
Coming from an Italian, that's pretty rich.
Coming from an Italian fag, you guys are like maybe one point higher than that on the IQ scale.
This has never happened.
No adult male has ever Said to a special needs person that they're not smart.
Nowhere.
If you do say that to someone, then you're special needs.
No one with an IQ over 82 has ever gone, oh God, hey, you with Down syndrome, you're not very smart, are you?
What?
Maybe a child might make that accent.
I doubt it.
I doubt it.
Because kids are generally nice.
I know they can be mean too.
That's not very nice.
What?
I'm just being honest.
I mean, look at him.
You know, you should never.
Actually, stop.
This dialogue is the dialogue of children.
They're talking like six-year-olds.
That's not very nice.
Well, look at him.
That's how little kids talk.
Adults don't speak like this.
I think Dar Mann might be retarded.
You know, of course.
Didn't we theorize that he had a head injury or something like that that makes him off and he thinks this is the best thing to do?
Oh my God.
Was he in professional?
What was his former career?
Was it something where you can get away?
He was a big CBD pot, not CBD, but like marijuana dude, legal marijuana guy, and he got arrested for corruption.
Maybe he has a serious head injury and he got $3 million.
Oh my God.
Wait a second.
Holy shit.
He was the state told him to use his influence to spread awareness videos, public service announcement videos, and this is him being like...
Oh, that's a fucking- I cannot believe this.
This is going down in the history books where Ryan's theory is better than mine.
For the first time on earth, he was court-ordered.
Let's call this National Ryan Washington.
The year of our Lord.
Holy shit.
Everyone wears Crocs and gets a mullet every July 15th.
Holy Toledo.
And this is his way of just saying F you.
My theory was that he had a head injury.
He got a bunch of money.
And this is him starting a new career making videos that he thinks are good.
Better theory is that he got in big shit with the marijuana stuff.
And part of his thing was that he has a budget.
That's kind of weird.
Well, it's for the state.
I mean, he can't keep anything.
They monitor it.
Maybe they take, like, he made tons of money, like $2 million, and they made him put it into some sort of fund.
And he has to spend that money, because the state doesn't want it.
It's dirty money, on making videos that raise awareness for the public good.
Right.
And he cares so little that he like farts these out.
He pays some guy in India who barely speaks English.
He tells him on the phone what the general vibe of the thing is, ah, retarded guy gets in a plane.
You don't judge a book by its cover.
He's actually a good guy at the end.
And then some Indian's like, you're not being very nice, buddy.
And then they edit out all the buddies from the end.
TikTok, they take that out.
And Kehalcele are all good office.
You're a very Piati Lurkey.
They take Piati Lurkey out and make a pretty girl.
Toxic positivity.
That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
He can give out bad ones.
When did he start his videos?
When did he end his sentence or whatever?
Schedule every other day.
Every other day?
That's fucking crazy.
His daughter has an Instagram account, Indian descent, wife, Hispanic.
Ew.
We have to see the timeline on this because if he was really in trouble.
Okay, so anyway, go back to the video.
That's a good theory, though, retard.
Thank you.
It's cover.
There you go.
All set.
Thank you so much.
My pleasure.
Is everyone gay in this video?
Excuse me.
Do you mind if I get in?
Yeah.
Hey, retard.
Not retard, but white retard.
Did you not realize that he has to sit down there?
Like, who goes back to their book when someone has a window seat and you're in the aisle?
You get up immediately.
And 100% of the people on earth would help the special needs guy get his suitcase in.
Except maybe three black women.
And that new wave geriatric.
Who is she?
Hi, my name is Tom.
It's nice to meet you.
Fuck off, retard.
Nice book.
It stings.
How you like it?
Okay, wait, hold on a sec.
Who in the fuck reads textbooks on a plane?
This is some bummer course you're really depressed you have to take in high school.
It's mandatory.
And if the guy was reading it, maybe he's doing some night course where he has to, he's a machinist and he has to take an advanced physics class to be able to move to the next echelon.
Then he'd wait till the plane was really cooking, right?
You're up there, you got internet and everything.
And then he'd have a piece of paper with it and a highlighter and a pencil and he'd be, you know, going to work.
That's how you read a fucking textbook.
You don't just muse over them.
Catching up on this light reading.
If that's supposed to be a book that shows like how much smarter of a book that is than something that this guy can comprehend, you know?
That's such a dumb title.
It could be Tying Shoes, if that's the case.
See if there's a book called Advanced Physics with no other subhead or anything.
See, I think they blurred the author.
So it kind of looked like a real book.
This looks similar, but no.
No, there's a few.
Yeah, but they're like, you know, textbooks.
But I don't know if you can see it, but they blurred out the author's name.
See?
On the top?
No?
See that?
There's like a yellow, very blurry right here.
Yeah, I don't think that's that.
It says Dylan.
I could make out the last name, kind of.
Or Dason.
Alright, go ahead.
This is not proof that the green screen should be abolished, by the way.
How do you like it?
How you like it?
I'm trying to read.
What did you say now?
Well, I'm sorry.
I was just asking about the book you were reading.
Okay.
Well, it is called Advanced Physics, and it is by Thomas Watson, one of the most prestigious physics scholars in the entire world.
And I would explain it to you, but I don't think you're smart enough to get it.
Who the fuck talks to special needs people like that?
Nobody.
Remember that thing?
It was in a shitlib.
You know that Reddit where they have liberals patronizing blacks, treating them as pets?
Shitlib something fest or something?
And they had that guy.
Safari.
Shitlib.
Shitlib Safari.
And they had that guy who was there was a special needs dude at the gym, and he was talking to the black guy going, hey, do you know where the waits are?
And the guy was really nice.
And they were like, this guy rocks.
He didn't know I was recording this and taking pictures, but he was totally nice to the special needs guy.
And you go, yeah.
As Chris Rock says, that's some shit you're supposed to do.
I hate when niggas bragging about shit they supposed to.
I take care of my kids.
You're supposed to take care of your kids, you low expectation of a motherfucker.
Back physics, you see.
You know what?
I really don't want to be bothered.
I just have a problem.
Call the flight attendant.
Okay, I'm not here to babysit you.
See, look.
This is anti-white male propaganda.
If you were a complete, if you were a black retard, for example, you would watch this and go, those guys are dicks.
This is ironic because this video is making special needs black people hate me.
I don't like that.
Sir, would you like some water?
Fuck off, bitch.
Hello again.
Would you like some water?
Sir.
Thank you.
Sir.
You incompetent imbecile.
I am so sorry.
That was actually all my fault.
Don't take the blame for him.
I knew he was going to be a fan of the girl.
Hold on a sec.
Stop.
He called her an incompetent imbecile and then said, don't take the blame for him.
Is she, is it her fault or not, dude?
Is she retarded?
This is ridiculous.
Nobody should have to sit next to this.
You know what?
I demand.
Pause.
Pause.
Out of all the people that you have seen lose it on a plane, what percentage are not insane white males?
There's the guy with the Burger King hat, right, who said the N-word quite loudly, and he went viral because everyone was like finally a real racist.
But we dug him up and discovered that he lives in his mom's pool house and is severely mentally damaged.
Like he has the brain of a four-year-old, I'd say, maybe five.
So he doesn't count.
Crazy people don't count.
I think you might find a few more women of color than you would guys like this.
What do you think, Dar?
We should get him on the show.
That would be amazing.
Wouldn't it be funny to get Darman on the show, but have really hard-hitting questions with all of this data and statistics to back it up?
We've looked into this, and over 86% of people who lose it on a plane are African-American females.
Yet in your videos, it's 100% white males.
Right.
What say you?
We need to be nicer to each other.
Okay.
That really is.
I want to be in his video if I could.
Maybe if I could.
I bet he pays 80 bucks for a day rate.
That's fine.
I'm still down, but just getting the audition might be tough.
A new seat immediately.
Okay.
I'll go talk to the captain and see what we can do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you do that.
I'm glad we have a white.
By the way, also, speaking of white privilege, white males are the lowest on the totem pole as far as people you can abuse.
I mean, I guess they're the highest in the totem pole in that sense.
So this waitress would not be hesitating.
Waitress in the sky, that's what a stewardess is.
This waitress in the sky would not be hesitating to tell him to sit the fuck down.
She might not say fuck, but sit down.
Everyone would be screaming at him.
People would be filming it too, by the way.
Oh, yeah.
And he would instantly be vilified.
Shut the fuck up, asshole.
And she wouldn't be going, oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
That's not how people talk to white males in 2021.
She would say, you need to sit down right now.
Actually, I've noticed that flight attendants have a shitty attitude now.
Just in general.
Like, they get on the mic and they talk so much.
How many fucking announcements do we need?
There's no smoking on the plane.
Really?
Thanks for the update.
Not one person on earth thinks you're allowed to smoke on a fucking plane.
Stop it.
We'll be boarding.
We'll be landing shortly.
Put on your seatbelt.
There's turbulent.
They never shut up on that thing.
But they also say, we are, they sort of have this weird phraseology where they say, we're not here to serve you.
We're here to help you.
It's not said like that, but it's that kind of a vibe where they make sure we don't see them as waitresses.
Anyway, she'd be abusing the shit out of him if this was real life.
Oh my God.
I'm so sorry.
Can I have you?
Can I...
No!
Clearly, you are not smart enough to do anything right.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
I've spoken to the captain.
Great.
Did he find me a new seat?
Even better.
He's upgrading the ticket to first class.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
That's what I'm talking about.
I want that on my board.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's what I'm talking about.
And thank goodness I don't have to spend the entire flight sitting in the background.
Hold on a second.
How are you?
This guy obviously wants to be an actor, right?
How are you this old?
The guy's 60.
How are you this old?
He's got all his hair.
He's handsome.
And you're doing Dar Man videos for $100.
I'm not impressed, sir.
A retard has your career.
I'll just grab the suitcase.
She's good.
She's my favorite extra.
Oh, no, no.
It's not my suitcase.
You got the wrong one.
Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't more clear.
The captain is actually upgrading his ticket to first class.
Because we all agree, he shouldn't have To sit next to someone like this, wait.
That's ridiculous.
Everyone would be clapping right now, by the way.
How would you like to move to first class with us?
We'd love to have you there.
Wow, I love that.
But I'm with my friend.
And then he shows he's better and bigger than that guy.
Yeah, I'm only going to first class if my friend can come.
Yeah.
And then he's like, you know what?
You're not.
Actually, we're both parachuting out of here.
We're spies.
Like at the beginning of the first Charlie's Angels, they ripped their masks off.
Now, wouldn't it be funny, though, if right now the black guy was pretending to be a retard that whole time so he could get first class?
And as he walks by, the white guy is like, in your face, motherfucker.
That's called acting, bitch.
We have to finish these videos.
I got first class, motherfucker.
What if Key and Peel are like, all right, we have an idea, but we don't want to release it under our name?
Let's ghost fright Fergus.
Remember that Dharman guy?
We'll just have him like do something at the end of the video.
Roll right everything.
This is as good as Key and Peel.
Yeah.
Like if someone said, do you want to watch a Dharman video or a Kiyam Peel video?
I'd go, who cares?
And then Kiyam Peel's like, well, Hino Tomato.
Key and Peel's like, but how do we get it into schools where it's like kind of mandatory that you show this to people in like a learning setting?
My wife sent me a Key and Peel video this morning where the one guy has a hat, baseball hat, and then the other guy shows up and his still has the tag on it with the stickers.
And then Peel shows up, or Keys shows up, and his is still in the plastic bag from the store.
Yo, what's up, man?
How you?
Keeping it straight.
See, this is what we mean when we say sprinkles, guys.
Stop sending me mediocre comedians that are slightly funny.
This is magic.
The katana plays.
I guess I'll check you later.
All right, Dawk.
How do you stand funny?
Yeah, yeah.
How do you lean?
And then when you pull back, I'm going to lean on a pole.
I know where that is.
That's the Fox Lot in LA.
What's up, man?
Her seat?
Her seat is in the bag.
Yeah, man.
How's Denise?
Oh, yeah, Denise.
She got it.
She got it.
She got it.
Anyway.
Yeah, dog, yeah.
Ain't no time.
Come on, tick it.
I'm in there, dog.
I'm in there, dog.
I'm in there.
No, I'm in there, dog.
I'm in there.
Tuck it.
I'm in there.
Tuck it.
I'm tucking it in.
Dog, I'm in there.
Dog, I'm in there, dog.
I'm in there, dog.
No?
Alright.
Don't do the blade again.
Thank you.
What?
Oh, no.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh.
Anyway, you know, you gotta come real, come correct when you come in at all, you know?
Anyway, quality darn.
Let's get back to Dharma.
I was like a thriller because I knew it was going to escalate, but I couldn't figure out how.
Right, and they, instead of going one, one, one, one, one, one, they realize you know where it's going, so they just like multiply and bang, slam it in at the end.
It's just exponents here.
Incredible quality.
This is also incredible quality.
With an angry homosexual on the plane.
By the way, stop.
He just fucked it up.
Just like the bird which is the bald eagle.
That's the equivalent of the Chinese lady on his head on the hat, making the hat.
They just jumped that shark.
And you know, they gave up on the line.
Because the line is, by the way, that book is going to get even better in the next chapter.
And he's like, I got it.
By the way, that book is good.
The next chapter.
And it was like, take 12.
And he was starting to get tired.
And his handler was sort of like, he should have a sandwich at this point.
Legally, we can't.
Yeah, legally, you can't do more than 12 takes.
It's considered special people abuse.
So they're like, all right, just the next chapter, fine.
Darman doesn't even go to these things.
No, he's never seen him.
This is his probation.
I don't think he's even seen him.
He's like, wait, what have you been putting under my name?
He saw about two, and he was like, nah, whatever.
That book is even better.
The next chapter.
What are you talking about?
How would you know?
Because I am Tom Thomas Washington.
Come on.
Come on, book.
Wait.
You wrote.
I'm sorry, but special needs people have an ADIQ across the board.
There is no such thing as a person with Down syndrome who can write any kind of book at all.
They're great people.
They're not less than us.
One could argue that they are God's chosen special people.
They are perpetually optimistic.
They are an integral part of humanity because humanity has variety.
God didn't make us all the same.
He didn't make us all equally capable.
So some are special needs.
They can't write a book.
They should not be beauty queens.
They're wonderful people.
They're literally special people.
They're not models.
They tend not to be attractive.
Unfortunately, they have a thing with the eyes that goes like this.
That's an unfortunate trait, but it doesn't make you hot.
If you're a burn victim, you cannot be Miss America.
You're a good person.
There's nothing wrong with you.
But your skin is gone, and that's not attractive.
Freddy Krueger is not on the cover of GQ.
Can we stop this, please?
You know what?
When you have a specialties person in an octagon and he fights a professional fighter and he wins, sure, go nuts.
It was a few minutes out of that fighter's day.
You made the kid's life go bananas.
You're not obviously not fooling anyone.
Singing the national anthem, I'm of two minds about that.
I mean, it's respectful.
It's going to make his life, but it sucks.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Can you see better than that?
Oh, it's so bad.
Is that...
You know what I mean?
Well, I hate to tell you my friends.
Like, what if somebody is...
There is one really good one.
That's fantastic.
I'm all for that, obviously.
I've never seen anything like that before, though.
So that's definitely the case.
Everyone loves that.
See, this is what pisses me off about modern American culture in general is this whole fake straw man evil person.
You know who likes, you know who has a problem with that handicapped girl singing the national anthem beautifully?
Nobody on earth.
Nobody.
Everyone thinks that's great.
This is why when people say, are you racist?
I go, not only am I not racist, nobody is.
It's not a thing.
If your neighbor moves next door, he's a nice middle-class black guy.
No one goes, oh, great.
There goes the neighborhood.
That stupid fucking horror movie where the Karen, I think it's called Karen, where a normal black family moves in next door and she tries to kill them.
Come the fuck on.
People don't want poor blacks moving in next door and trashing the neighborhood, but they don't want white trash moving in next door.
There's classism in America and maybe it's justified.
Even in my neighborhood, they didn't want me in there and I think a lot of it was classism because they see me as trashy.
Maybe they're right.
We have had the police come by several times.
We did have a guy with a gun covered in blood outside where I had to confiscate his gun.
Has that ever happened on my street?
Absolutely not.
We are trash.
Or Tanya Harding.
Even though she was good at figure skating, they said, we don't want you here.
You're trash.
What happened?
Someone got their fucking kneecaps smashed in.
That's true.
Because though she didn't do it, she attracted other white trash.
And white trash decided, I want you to do good.
I'm going to fuck up that bitch that you're fighting with.
Looks like the snobs were right.
This stuff is still so mad.
It's like they're parading them around.
It's the exact same as doing it with kids.
Right.
They don't know any better.
They don't have like, you know, they can't think critically and be like, is this ethical?
And it's conceivable that someone with Down syndrome would be obsessed with drag and want to be in drag.
But there'd be one in Turkey.
There'd be one in Bavaria.
There'd be one in North Carolina.
And that's it.
All seven of them happen to be at the same British camp.
What a quinky dink.
Anyway, let's finish up, Darman.
I bought that book.
No, you didn't.
That's impossible.
Advanced physics?
Like, what the hell are you saying now?
That someone with Down syndrome, because he's not just, like, special.
There could have been someone like this with Parkinson's that has trouble talking.
I'm like, good.
You, you, you.
Then you'd be like, oh, okay, you just have Parkinson's.
You're still normal.
You just can't control your motor functions.
Gotcha.
This guy, you can tell by his face, he clearly has Down syndrome.
He can't write any book.
He couldn't write a book about a dog.
He couldn't write a children's book.
Well, maybe a little silly children's book.
But advanced physics?
So, who are you talking to here?
I guess retards.
I don't understand.
Like, you don't look like somebody who...
Well, I guess you should never adjust a book by its cover.
Literal, and there you go.
Nailed it.
Have your seat ready for you.
The plane's going to crash now.
I'm coming.
Have a nice flight.
Motherfucker.
Sir, your 30-pound tongue has to be put in the storage compartment in the car.
Sir, we're just starting.
Obviously, this flight is full.
Why would you think there'd be first-class seats?
Poor guy.
So my 10-year-old daughter keeps full first seat.
That was mean, but I couldn't resist it.
You've seen this one, though, right?
I mean, just this clip of the black thing here.
Wait.
Isn't that your car right there?
Like, this is, I think he's jumping the shark and he's showing his cards.
Like, this is a comedy.
Mom?
You stole my car?
Can you steal your mom's car?
What happened to my windshield?
Mom, mom, I thought you were sleeping.
Okay, okay, look, look.
I can't explain.
Isn't the proper vernacular you took the car?
They totally should have been.
Blacking.
They blew it.
So the moral of that one is a Chicano street gang was accused of stealing a car, and they're actually sweethearts.
They were doing the free breakfast program.
Oh, you've seen it?
Yeah, yeah.
He's got a pretty...
No, I'm guessing.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
He's got a pretty big budget.
You know, like police uniforms and police cars.
This is like a, I would say a $20,000 short minimum.
What you have to do is...
And that's cutting lots of corners.
He literally says, my cousin one was here in the restaurant business.
But actually, he owns the largest chain of steakhouses in Mexico.
And we're giving free food to people.
He's not a farmer.
He owns the largest agave plant in Mexico.
And his number one client is Jesus Christ.
You thought my cousin was just some spic?
He's the son of God.
It doesn't work out a lot.
All right, that's enough of that.
So we learned a lot of lessons.
I think yesterday we learned from now on on Thursdays, I'm just going to do letters for the first hour with Maddie, and I'll edit them first so they're all good.
And then calls for the second hour.
Because cramming news and a guest and the sponsors and the half-hour goodbye, it's too clunky to get into stories.
But let's start the show.
I forgot the newspaper today.
Maybe you can pull up the front page.
I haven't even seen it yet, actually.
And then we're going to get into a little bit of, should we do feminism first?
No, I want to do education here.
We need a new interstitial.
We need an education background.
No, do the cover.
Hunter Biden paused probe before 2020 election.
Wait, go back.
I didn't see that.
That's pretty interesting.
Hunter Biden prosecutor paused probe.
Amazing.
Go down.
The Kwinky Dink.
Is that fucking...
Bye-bye, Buoy.
Sternstaffers score fast buyers for homes amid NYC exits.
Tense video shows young gunman fatally shoot cyclist.
Yeah, more of the same.
God, Baba Bowie's getting old, huh?
Yeah.
And then Britney Spears' mom posts cryptic message amid conservative...
Conservatorship.
Conservatorship.
Conservatorship.
Conservatorship.
Is it orship?
Conservatorship.
Look that up.
How do you pronounce it?
Conservatorship.
It's one of those words I can't say.
Abominable snowman, Exalciser, and conservatorship.
Conservator.
Wait, you can hit speech on things?
I didn't know that.
Conservatorship.
Conservator.
Conservator.
Conservatorship.
Conservatorship.
That's my favorite type of ship.
Here we go.
What do you think's going on with that with Brittany?
I think she's getting tons of money every day.
And every time the judge feels sorry for her, he sees how much money she gets.
He goes, holy shit.
Oh, wait, there's hookers in Brooklyn?
I'm sorry.
Sex openly on streets of Brooklyn.
Remember, Brooklyn is vast.
That could be East New York, South Brooklyn.
It's not Williamsburg.
Soft justice official ignore trafficking.
Okay.
Education.
New interstitial needed.
I thought this was amazing.
So they talked about having cameras in schools, which I think is a great idea.
Someone where your kids are.
They should have it at daycare's, right?
You want to make sure your kid's not getting abused, hit, ignored, neglected.
All daycares should have cameras in them.
We're not invading your privacy.
That's our child there.
Now, I would like it if bars had cameras, just so I could see if my friends were there.
But we had that guy last night who told us about Beer Buddy, which was a cool piece of information.
And as my dad pointed out, for elections, there should be 3D cameras over everyone counting.
And anyone can tune in at any time and just watch them count the ballots.
Wouldn't that be cool?
Why doesn't that exist?
It's not complicated technology.
It should all be live streamed.
Cameras above every desk who's counting.
Similarly, teachers, there should be a 3D camera in there.
Not a 3D, you know what I mean, right?
The 360?
360.
Yep.
With audio.
And I thought, I wonder how the left is going to defend this.
Like, object to this.
And this is their objection.
I don't want the police involved in my kids' education.
What?
The police?
What are you going to get?
If anyone is going to get arrested or in trouble, it's going to be anyone saying conservative values.
So though I'm for this, I would argue that the people most at risk of getting in shit are going to be conservatives.
Because they'll say something like, this land wasn't stolen from the Indians.
It wasn't built on slavery.
Then there's going to be a big woke mob outside the school.
Look at Brett Weinstein.
His career's over because he refused to leave the campus the day they said no white males on campus.
So that's where the scrutiny is.
The mob doesn't come after liberals.
Although, if they go really, really far, like this is how far they have to go to get in shit.
Remember that Asian woman here in New York at private schools?
She said she wanted to educate children on porn awareness, porn literacy.
So this is what kids, this is what a gangbang is, this is what pegging is.
This is what a threesome is.
This is what squirting is.
That's how far they have to go.
They have to almost fuck our kids before we tune in.
But what is that first one?
No, no, yeah, we got that.
A fight in Springfield Mass over the use of video surveillance in schools is part of a broader debate playing out from London to Wisconsin over the use of increasingly sophisticated surveillance technology to ensure public safety.
That's not what it's about.
I want to know what my children are studying.
And they're not very forthcoming, by the way, because they know you're going to cause a scene.
So when you ask your kid, are you being taught about Tulsa as ethnocide?
Are you being taught critical race theory?
They don't tend to tell you, especially when they get into their teens.
I don't know shit.
I had a big fight with my daughter the other day about gay priests, gay camp counselors.
And I said, no, if you're in the Boy Scouts, you shouldn't be.
I don't want you to be gay.
Why do you want to be a camp counselor?
And then I told her about someone we know who was molested at a camp when he was a kid.
That was kind of dirty pool of me because that really shocked her.
But she was like, oh, so you think all gays are rapists?
And then my wife jumps in, because she's a fucking lib, with it's priests who molest little boys.
And I'm like, hey, that's an 80s thing.
The church seems to have nipped that.
I'm not going to say in the bud because it was after it fully bloomed.
And even let's say that is true, that doesn't negate a different truth.
But They're also gay priests.
It's not straight priests who do that, it's gay priests.
They would send gays off to go super religious sometimes.
And she goes, oh, so you're a homophobe.
My daughter's saying this.
And I'm like, no, a disproportionate number of molesters are gay, especially when they're eagerly getting involved in things where they don't have a stake, like their kid isn't into it.
Like if you're childless and you want to be a baseball coach, I'm already a little dubious.
Why do you care about strangers' kids baseball?
And then if you have no kids, now it's really fucking weird.
And here's the uncomfortable truth.
You have a room with 100 gays.
There's going to be like, and I'm pulling this out of my ass.
I'm sure the stats are elsewhere.
12 people who have not just molested kids, but have a criminal record for it.
You have a room of 100 straight men.
Might be one.
Maybe.
Probably not.
It's probably less than 1%.
That's just a fact.
So why take the risk?
Remember that gay choir where they were coming out saying, we're coming for your kids?
And then out of the whatever it was, 100 people, we discovered 12 to 14 hadn't just molested, but had criminal records for it.
Sorry.
I'm not a sharkophobe, but I'm not going to go swimming around sharks.
Because they be biting.
Did you hear these sharks?
They be biting.
So the way the left out with those cameras is to say, I don't want the police monitoring my children.
Then don't give the police the codes.
The only people who should have the codes to watch those particular live streams are the parents of the kids.
Now, we know we're good at verifying who the parents of the kids are because you don't want some stranger picking them up from school.
So you have to sign in.
I've picked up my kids from school before.
I need my driver's license.
I show I'm me.
Because even with divorced parents, when all these missing children you see, 99% of the time, it's a dad who's pissed off that he didn't get custody, stealing the kids and hitting the road.
So the schools have to be very wary of that.
So they know who the parents are.
I can see my kids' homework.
I can sign into that and see how much work they've done.
So I can monitor my kids' progress, but I can't monitor what you tell my kids.
Isn't that interesting?
Every time we come up with a solution, like that letter we had the other night where he said, why don't we have Republicans insisting it's easier for people to get ID?
That would be a great way to beat the Democrats at their own game.
Remember that guy that we almost had on the show?
He's talking about, because all the classes were Zoom-based, and we're like, we don't know how long this is going to go on for.
But, you know, like people who are quietly not super duper liberal in colleges that are doing these Zoom courses can record and stream their lessons.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so, and it can't be deleted and they can't track it.
And then also there's an incentive for doing that for the students and stuff.
And once you start it, there's no way to stop that.
And then the teachers would, yeah, they said, hey, conservatives, or sorry, hey, other teachers, be prepared for conservative mobs to be beating down your door.
Meanwhile, they invented the whole fucking mob thing.
All right, LGBTQ subject.
Give me some rainbows.
So Amazon employees will quit if you have transphobic content.
And when we say transphobic content, we mean when Harry became Sally.
If you go to Amazon right now, that book is not available.
Books about it are available, which is why you should hoard books.
I have CDs from the 90s that I've moved from house to house with them.
I'm not giving them up.
I have books upon books upon books, boxes and boxes, and they literally go back to the 80s.
I don't think I've ever thrown out a nonfiction book.
Thank God I still have these books because books are becoming scarce.
When Harry Became Sally, right?
Yes.
Now, if you go to Amazon, you'll find a lot of books criticizing that book.
Summary of When Harry Became Sally.
Wow.
Responding to the books.
We've talked about this on the show before, Ryan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But is this new?
Yeah, April 4th.
I don't know.
This might have been after we did that show.
So do you think this is a good summary or this is a...
No, it's definitely shitting all over it.
Wow.
And also, why can I find books about books and not the actual book?
So go to the article.
Where is it now?
1.5?
These people are controlling...
At least two Amazon employees have resigned in recent weeks to protest the company's decision to continue to sell a book they say frames young people who identify as transgender as mentally ill.
Pretty valid argument.
I'm not saying it's my opinion that it's true, but it's not an unequivocal fact.
And then Abigail Schreier says, you're welcome.
And let's click on her.
See, I'm going to buy this book and just store it before it vanishes.
Irreversible damage.
What's the subhead there?
I can't read it.
Hello?
Does that help?
Just zoom in.
Oh.
The transgender craze seducing our daughters.
It does seem to be seducing more girls than boys.
And yeah, they cut their tits off when they turn a certain age, which just looks so depraved, doesn't it?
How macabre is that?
Like Nat Getty or the woman in that video where she carried the baby to term, but she's the father.
And you just look at these.
They're brutal scars.
You cut your tits off.
We're so worried about sexism, yet we live in a world where we encourage women to remove their fucking tits and throw the meat in the garbage.
They literally threw their tits in the garbage.
I'm saying literally about this show.
I hope it's always grammatically correct.
Yeah, so when they take these hormone blockers, they can't breed.
It is irreversible damage.
That's just a fact.
Hate fact.
You don't think that looks good?
That she looks like a G.I. Joe where, like, the top rotates as a rubber band here.
Connecting to the...
Oh, it's so sad.
I'm obsessed with this couple.
They're both maimed.
And Gigi Gorgeous doesn't like him.
Gigi Gorgeous is a normal gay man who's attracted to like hunks.
Natty's not a hunk.
And Natty has tiny little toes, and Gigi has my feet.
Yet they have this depraved, sick relationship that's actually heterosexual, much to both of their chagrin.
Nat Getty is definitely disgusted by his wife's penis, and Gigi is definitely disgusted by her husband's vagina.
Yet every night they're there pumping away.
They definitely have orgies where Nat Getty gets to eat pussy and Gigi gets to suck a dick.
And pretend it's, yeah, because it's the real thing.
What a mess.
The new normal.
Read it for the girls in your life.
We've had two letters so far this week about, oh, sorry, last week, about moms whose daughters were brainwashed into thinking they were boys.
And they had to deprogram them like they were Scientologists.
Anyway, also in the news, Jared Holt isn't gay.
He actually hates gays.
He's a homophobe.
This is the Nazi conservative watcher, anti-gay Facebook post of right-wing watches, Jared Holt.
Wait, is that June 27th?
Geesh, ancient Chinese secret.
To the class of 13.
Dear class of 13, congratulations.
Now you're the lowest of the low.
Here, just a few helpful words of advice.
You're not cool.
Everyone hates you.
You're annoying.
Sex doesn't make you cool.
And it won't make the upper class boys think any higher of you.
So don't go around bragging about it.
No one cares about you.
No one cares.
You look like an easy freshman whore.
Just leave all the slutty things you did in eighth grade and middle school.
Don't brag about the number of seniors you know.
The more you brag, the more we can tell you're a freshman.
You are a F-R-E-S-H-M-A-N, not a freshie.
Shut up.
You sound like a queer.
Don't walk around telling.
So he was always a little bitch, a little cunt.
Respect your teachers and peers.
Getting written up every day and purposely feeling really doesn't look cool.
Isn't that amazing?
That's who these tattletale journalists are.
They're the bitchy little mean girls from college who would shit on the freshmen because they're not seniors.
That's your crime as a freshman.
You're not as old as a senior.
He's trying to gatekeep coolness within like a nerd.
He's a hall monitor.
He's a tattle.
I knew kids like this, but they didn't have the confidence to write things like this.
My generation, they were still shamed.
They weren't cool.
They knew it.
I remember kids like this.
We would hang them from the basketball net by their underwear, and they would be there for an hour until someone could get them down.
We would wedgie these guys so hard that the waistband would be gone.
Oh, yeah, the waistband would be gone.
I don't consider it a wedgie if it's not an atomic wedgie.
In fact, as far as I'm concerned, atomic is redundant.
The waistband has to come off.
If you just wedgie someone and they can untuck it and they have a waistband, then you're just joking around with your friend.
It has to be no waistband.
So he said the word queer to try to be cool.
Right?
But I don't think he's gay.
He's just a loser.
Maybe, I don't know.
You know, maybe if he's not gay, then when you called him a queer that one time, you're like, are you gay?
When he was making that face like this, he was like...
Well, yeah, I wonder why...
He was trying not to say like, fucking fags.
Because he's a homophobia.
You're blurry, Ryan.
Let's see you again.
Well, now you're behind the camera.
I can't see you.
Can you see you?
Yeah, you're blurry.
Your mic is sharp.
There we go.
Crisp.
Let's do a couple feminisms.
I thought this was interesting.
Sarah Silverman.
Well, give me some sort of thing.
Feminism.
I think a woman made that one.
The lady.
Sarah Silverman is a woman who might have made a good mom.
Her sister's a Zionist Israeli, which is weird because Sarah seems very anti-Israel.
Anyone's dog for a bone.
These ginos are Bolsheviks and they will stab their own people in the back, including their own sister, to look cool and pro-underdog.
Her sister is a prominent Israeli activist, but she has tons of beautiful children.
And Sarah's auntie, Sarah.
Now, all these aunties, they must go home after playing with the kids and go, my life is vacuous.
I fucked up.
I have nothing.
Right?
How do you play with little kids with your DNA?
So she's looking at what her kids would be.
They probably look exactly like her.
They got her big weird nostrils and everything.
And she's like, those kids are going to grow up, love their mother, while I get more and more alone.
I actually had this argument with her not too long ago.
She checked in about six months ago, and I was drunk.
And I said, you fucked up your whole life.
Jimmy Kimmel should have knocked you up.
Someone should have put a ring on it.
Even that dork Sam Cedar shouldn't adopt you.
And she goes, what are you talking about?
I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.
Yeah, that's because you don't know what joy is.
And then it's still haunting her.
Go ahead.
There's something about being a woman that has no children, who's decided to not have children, or decided not to get married, or just hasn't gotten married or have children.
That people will...
Yeah, you didn't decide not to get married.
This is exactly like Jen Kirkman.
Every stand-up routine, she talks about how happy she is to be divorced and how it's awesome, and how she doesn't even want to be married, and how it's really great being single.
And I actually like it a lot.
And people feel sorry for me, and I don't know why, because I want to be single.
It's my choice.
I love it.
Oh my God, kids?
No, thank you.
Ew, gross.
And you go, okay, calm down.
I came here to hear jokes.
I don't need you to be defensive.
Feel sorry for us.
There's like an odd kind of condescension where they feel threatened by our choices.
I love this stuff.
This is like Bill Schultz telling me that the reason I encourage people like him to get married is because I'm jealous.
And I wish I could be a lonely drunk living in a one-bedroom apartment by myself, getting fucked out of my mind every night.
Oh, if only.
Like you want to share your joy.
That's what I was doing on Fox News with Tamara Holder.
I was trying to share my joy.
It's nothing in it for me.
I don't get any bonuses, but I put off kids for way too long.
I don't want you to make the same mistakes.
I know Sarah is funny.
Whatever you think of her, she's a funny person.
And funny moms make great moms.
Now, I did notice one time we went out and we were out of pot, and I've never seen someone more sullen in my life.
Like no smiles, staring straight ahead, shittiest mood ever.
I was with David Cross, and eventually I just leaned over to him.
I go, let's get the fuck out of here, man.
This is a bummer.
Like, I only get so many nights out a week.
I'm in New York City.
I'm single.
Like, let's go have some fucking fun.
I don't want to be around Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.
So maybe that's why she'd be a bad mom.
Maybe she suffers from depression.
But when I've had good times with her, they've been fucking amazing times, super fun times, which means great mom.
And she's had all these relationships where she just gets fucking thrown out to the curb, kicked to the curb.
Threatened by our choices and maybe what they did.
How am I threatened by you not having kids?
Your kid's clearly going to be a left-wing activist, so that's a bigger threat to me.
If we're talking about like the culture wars, ideally I want your bloodline to end because you personally are a fucking nut.
Maybe they did what they thought they were supposed to do.
Or it's, you know, a sincere belief like, oh my God, I mean, I can't imagine not having my family.
Like, what would I do?
They center me.
They make me less selfish.
You know, I get it.
Okay.
Isn't it funny how when a liberal comes up with the idea that maybe you're telling the truth, they're sort of, they think they're being really open-minded?
Maybe these people are being honest.
Oh, wow.
Thank you.
That's nice.
That's your experience.
It doesn't mean that it's my experience because it's not my experience.
You can't put what makes you happy onto other people.
People go, oh, I'm normal because I made these normal or traditional choices and this other person didn't do the same.
So stop, stop.
Having kids is like having a car.
You can have a crazy car.
You can have a Volkswagen Beetle.
Why don't you have an RV and your kids can live in it?
All we're saying is stop walking, stop riding your bicycle.
You can get really far on this thing called a car.
There's even these things called highways where you can go to fucking New York City to Montreal in six hours.
It's amazing.
And they go, yeah, for you, that's your choice.
I don't like being in a car.
I don't like a normal car like a Ford Tourist.
Okay, get a motorcycle.
You can still be crazy with kids.
You could travel the world with kids.
So we're not trying to make your life boring and normal and traditional.
You can still be a kook.
Plenty of people raise their kids in New York City.
I don't condone it, but they can still be kooks.
You still have tattoos when you're a parent.
It's okay, Sarah.
You can still be weird.
Not their only time.
Sorry for them, or I get to look down on them.
But what people think of you is irrelevant and vice versa.
Correct.
Why are you bringing this up?
I think we've all, most of us, have let major life choices get decided for us based on just what society has told us is normal.
What society has told us we must normalize.
Stop.
It's not society.
It's hundreds of thousands of years of evolution.
It's what connects us to humanity.
We also eat because it's what's normal.
Why do people eat?
Because everyone else is eating and they want to feel normal?
No, because they genetically crave it.
It's natural to be hungry.
That's how we process food.
And it's the same with the propagation of the species.
It's a natural feeling that these feminists, these nuts, and these liberals have managed to push out of their DNA.
And then they become fucking miserable.
Who live whole lives that way?
There are gay people that live lives as straight people.
Yeah, they're a perversion.
Because they just don't even realize they...
Oh my God.
We're going to have to end this soon, but isn't it interesting?
Comedians are the most lonely people in the world.
They travel in a, for the most part, in a Honda Civic, coast to coast.
They fuck random chicks at best.
They jerk off with their permission in front of them.
And their job is to tell us how to live.
They're manic depressives.
They're on Xanax and what a Prozac and all this shit.
They all are either severe alcoholics or they're AA.
And they tell us how to live our lives.
It's really amazing that the people with the worst life are telling you how to improve yours.
No.
Sorry.
Let's let her finish.
What happened?
Look at her wisdom.
Like, she's got her lone.
Her only love is a dog.
And they keep dying of old age, so she keeps getting new ones.
Realize that we can and we must curate our own lives based on our own wants, on our own tastes, our own desires.
You know, I fuck it.
I love kids.
I'd probably be a good mom, too.
Oh, here we go.
I don't want one.
It's not personal to children.
It's personal to me.
That's personal.
Do me a favor.
Click the link in my bio.
Oh, my God.
I love child.
It's me.
I'd probably be a great mom, but I don't want one.
Yeah, you don't want one because you don't have a husband who said, I love you forever.
Can we be married?
How many proposals have you rejected, Sarah?
None.
Dude, I would be a fucking awesome motorcycle racer.
I just don't want a motorcycle.
You know I would be wheeling.
Oh my God.
Ryan was talking yesterday about getting a scooter.
Why did I even bring that up?
It's enough that I allow you to wear crocs to work.
Show everyone your shoes.
Have you noticed in the black community, I assume it's New York City too, but in the Bronx, all black people are wearing crocs.
Crocs or you got the regular sliders with slides with socks, of course.
Slides with socks drives me insane.
I hate seeing their little toes go like that every time they take a step.
Because they have to hold the flip-flop on.
Oh, yeah, and it's dirty.
And there's, you know, you want, you step in a puddle.
But crocs are worse.
Crocs with socks, too, and little widgets on.
Like couples.
This morning I saw a black woman wearing that shower cap thing and her boyfriend and they're both wearing crocs.
What?
I think I blame the pandemic because people have been home bodies for so long, they dress like they're at a sleepover now.
All right, last one.
Let's look at this teacher.
This woman is a teacher.
These are the people who don't want you to watch them at work.
I couldn't imagine having a meltdown like this.
Maybe if my family was killed or something.
And even then, I would look back and go, wow, was I ever fucking lost?
You've seen this before, but it's, this is what feminism has done to women.
They didn't do this in the 60s and 70s and 80s.
Not even in the 90s.
You keep lying, saying I'm threatening you, so I'm recording to protect myself.
This reminds me of, stop for a sec.
When Faith Goldie was spotted at a restaurant bar in Toronto, a woman did this and said there's a racist here.
She didn't recognize Faith Goldie.
Someone had just told her that Faith Goldie's there and she's racist.
So the rumor of an unknown racist in the restaurant made her collapse to the ground.
Can you piss that one?
Get her fuck away!
Get her what?
Yeah.
Crazy lady.
Then she attacked me and try to say I attacked her.
You come.
Get her away from me.
Y'all better get this lady.
Get her away from me.
The aggressive victim.
Can you even conceive of losing your shit that much?
I have been mad and said fuck and punched a hole in the wall.
But like, jiggling?
Couldn't imagine being jiggling mad.
I'm jiggling mad.
I was absolutely jiggling when I found out.
But that's not a figure of speech.
He's actually jiggling.
I was jiggling.
Alright, let's get to the mailbag.
Okey-dokey.
Ryan, shut up.
You don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
Let me touch it.
Ryan, shut up.
Jesus, since we started the show, as we've been filming, we have about six new emails.
Like, I started your sensor to try to get some of this going.
Who's calling?
Oh, my God, it's Mercedes again.
So, what are we doing?
Come on, lady.
I mean, I have the live Chiron set to take her call.
Hey, Gavin, Loose Lips, McCanis, why did you publicly show that video of Ryan's girlfriend hitting him when you had explicitly promised him you wouldn't?
Is your tendency to start to snitch after a few beers why so many people around you are in jail?
Whoa, that's an heady allegation.
So I got Max and John in prison by being a snitch?
Is that what you're saying?
It wasn't the camera footage of them fighting in the fucking crazy clown world we live in?
I didn't mind that video being shot.
I mean, one of my friends was like, hey, wow, I feel bad.
I'm sorry.
That happened.
And I was like, what?
He's like, I just watched Anthony's show.
I was like, okay, what happened?
He's like, he showed the video of your girlfriend.
Still blurry.
You still suck.
Why can't you work your camera, dude?
There we go.
And I was like, no, he shows that video to everybody.
It's fine.
Well, the good thing about it is if any rumors start about you being a domestic abuser, people can see what really happened.
I'm not one for caring about rumors, but it is a bad look.
Like, it's always disgusting when you hear a woman hitter or like watching sopranos.
Like people that swipe at chicks are like, whoa.
But this goes back to what we were saying before.
It's not a thing.
Right.
The whole, like, it's, it's definitely a problem in the Latino community with illegal aliens and Mexicans.
But as far as like, where the fuck is my dinner?
That's not a thing.
Yeah, yeah.
And when Anthony was going through that shit, I was offended that would people believe it because I would never hang out with someone who beat their girlfriend.
So you're insulting me.
Like, the implication is that me, you, Pat Dixon, fucking, what's his name there?
Joe Curry, we're all, when he comes home and he's smacking her around, what are we doing?
Just sort of like sipping our beers, looking down at the ground?
Like, she fucked up.
I mean, his dinner's not ready.
It's not wrong.
That doesn't mean you don't use your strength to stop somebody from attacking you.
Because I've been in a situation where, obviously, where there's a lot of violence coming my way.
And you have to do something about it.
You can't just be hit.
I have the 12-hit.
I'm not denying.
I don't even do the 12-hit rule.
You just restrain.
I'm stronger than you.
I could tear you apart.
Don't.
I'm not saying domestic abuse doesn't exist.
It does.
It's mostly a Mexican problem.
It's a black problem.
It tends to be a disproportionately less white problem.
But in my 50 years, I've never known of one guy, whether I found out later or anything, who was like, where are the fucks my dinner?
And we just slap a bitch around just because he's in a bad mood.
Never heard of it once.
I've heard of crazy fights where both sides were bloodied and he's all scratched up and she got slapped around.
I've heard of that, not even that much.
But as far as like the 1950s Guido archetype with the wife beater.
What the fuck did you say?
Why are you looking at him?
Maybe that's just coming on my life.
Maybe I'm too bourgeois.
Have you come across that?
A guy who swatted around his girlfriend?
I think there was a little...
Yeah, back in the day, you'd maybe see or hear about that.
Are you thinking of a specific guy right now?
Yeah.
It's like, you know, I don't know what the context was, but here's the context.
Why the fuck were you talking to him?
Yeah, I think I might have been in another room and heard that and been like this.
Being a pussy and letting a woman get the shit beaten out of me?
Well, I'm like six.
Oh.
So yeah, I'm not going to go in and be like, hey, get that shit out of here.
So you don't know.
If you're a little kid, then you don't know the story.
Yeah, that seems very old school, but I remember hearing a woman get hit as a kid.
Who was the woman?
Your bitch mom who wouldn't keep her yap shut?
Could have been.
Maybe I hit her.
Maybe I was.
To be fair, your mom does do a lot of this.
She does run off at the yap.
From a woman watching the live show, dude's been in prison a lot.
Do you let him in your house?
Well, yeah, he hasn't been in prison for molesting children.
We don't have any drugs or guns in the house.
And he's been loyal to his friends.
Never has he been, like, not a loyal person.
So, you know, just don't be his opposition and you're good.
Dear Gavin and Rygai, Gavin's theory that quarantine is going to cause immune deficiency is completely correct.
See article.
And then he clicks to The Guardian, which New Zealand children falling ill in high numbers due to COVID immunity debt.
Doctors say children haven't been exposed to a range of bugs due to lockdowns, distancing, and sanitizer, and their immune systems are suffering.
Jesus fucking Christ, Mercedes.
She calls me like 10 times a day.
She likes you.
Wait, I should make these blue.
If I've read them, they're blue.
If I like them, they're red.
If they're nothing, they're nothing.
The OG G-O-M-L.
Hey, Gavin and Ryan, see attached piece of artwork.
I call it the original Get Off My Lawn.
Oh, shit.
We got to get that framed in our house.
It's pretty good.
We have a lot of Indian shit in our house.
If you came to our house, you'd think you're at a powwow.
And then in the dining room, there's a picture of the fall of Fort DeQuesne with like British people being murdered and Indians and French in the trees.
And even my mother-in-law, who's 100% Indian, goes, it's a little extreme for a dining room painting, is it not?
It's the most appetizing.
Yeah, they're like, ah!
And there's a British guy falling off a horse going, ah.
There's just like a cookie jar of peyote.
You're just like, have some.
Your triumph.
Gavin, you are right.
On your bike, the air box is made to look like the carbs on the old school Bonneville.
It is fuel injection.
My uncle has a T120, and it is that way.
There may be a way for you to adjust your idle still.
There is.
This is the part I don't get.
They say it's fake, and then I can adjust my idle.
You can hear it.
But usually with fuel injection, that's all computer ran.
If your bike is running rough and sits around a lot, you may have a dirty injector.
One of my go-to cheap fixes is try running a little bit of sea foam in your gas.
No, not actual seafoam from the ocean.
It's an engine treatment.
It's relatively cheap and it's worked miracles on some bikes I've owned.
It could save you a trip to the mechanic.
That's a handy tip.
Texas surf.
Shoot de boar, shoot to kill.
It is now, it's now just evolved into kill white people.
South African political person calls for supporters to go to Indian areas and white areas and burn them down and kill everyone.
Let's hear his subtle metaphor here.
Hold on, wow.
Was that out of context?
Because doesn't he say right there, I'm not saying that.
That's what they say.
Listen.
Not me saying that because they say that.
So could this be...
I mean, we've been Vic Burger up and down.
Yeah, yeah.
It sounds like the context there totally changes.
Yeah, nobody's cheering and dancing.
Shoot.
They like it more than that.
No, it's not real because no one's clapping.
We haven't gotten there yet.
So we still like it as a song, Kill the White People, but there needs to be a beat.
Hey, Gavaroni and BTS guy.
What's that?
That's a racist statement because I look like a Korean K-pop boy or something, and BTS is Korean kid.
Maddie was touching a bit on West Coast prison structure.
Remind me of this dude's YouTube page.
His name is Wes Watson, and he did 10 years in California prisons.
He haunts my dreams.
My biggest fear is going to prison, and his stories further validate my concerns.
Anyway, he breaks down nicely the gang structure and has some crazy stories if you care to check it out.
My group, the people I identify with, and if you're white, the people you're rolling with, if you choose to go general population, which is GP in the California prison system, the name of my channel.
Why?
Because I came in GP and I left GP.
We don't talk to PCs.
But anyways, this is how it works.
You come in, you're gonna be a wood.
You're gonna be part of the wood pile if you're white.
There's no way around it.
I've said it before, you don't have a choice.
My dad went into county jail on assault on a police officer.
It was a weird ass scenario where he ended up getting assault on a police officer, and he only had to do 60 days from it because they came in his house, kind of fucked him up a little bit, and then he ended up getting a case off it.
It was his first case ever, so he ended up being good.
But this is a thing.
My dad, he went into county jail.
They were calling him Clint Eastwood.
He's supposed to be calling my dad Clint Eastwood.
My dad sits down at the table where he didn't know he was supposed to sit by a black.
And the white boys come up and they're like, hey, Clint, the fuck you doing?
Get over here, man.
You can't sit there.
And my dad don't even understand.
He's a construction working hard-ass motherfucker who's just real.
He don't get how the system works.
He don't realize that when he walked in, he walked into a gang.
He had no choice.
He was going to get down or he was going to get discharged.
Dad's kind of naive.
Under any circumstances, how could you not sort of suss that out when you walk in?
Especially it would have been the 60s, right?
Maybe the 70s.
Hey, dudes, I have an almost two-year-old boy.
My wife is due with our new boy next week, so I have some suggestions for the dude who emailed earlier this week.
Yeah, I felt bad when that guy asked because I just have put it out of my mind for eight years, so I've forgotten all the tricks.
Like, here's two things that I've since remembered.
Be a hypochondriac.
You shouldn't be a hyperchondriac when your kid is like four, five, six, seven, and all that.
But baby, toddler, anything weird, go have it checked out.
A fever goes a little too long, be a pain in the doctor's ass.
It's worth it.
Don't shrug with kids.
My littler, Johnny, he had a, we went to the hospital in Port Jervis, and my wife changed him, and he had a little abrasion from the diaper on his inner thigh, and he got some fucked up disease that was from a Iraq war vet.
And the disease was so complicated that I had to type it into my phone, like the virus, whatever it was, like it was an internet passcode.
It was like Zyclopori Vorkazex 16HB.
And it's like from black scorpions in the Middle East or some shit.
So it got sort of turgid, like a little blister.
And I went into the doctor and I said, hey, he's got a blister here.
And I just assumed she'd be like, oh yeah, that's not a problem.
She'd like pop it with a sterilized needle and drain it and whatever.
And she goes, oh my God, we're going to ER now.
He's going into surgery.
What?
He went into surgery, like the same room you'd have a heart transplant in with doctors like this all washed up and the shower caps.
My wife, of course, was fucking bawling her eyes out hysterical.
We had the little hair caps too and the robes.
We weren't allowed in the main room, but even to be in the hallway, you had to have all that gear on.
And they operated on him.
And then they had this cotton swab in it, and a nurse was coming by twice a day to change it out.
Now, this was a blister the size, not even as big as a jelly bean, a third of the size of a jelly bean.
And he could have died.
So freak the fuck out on everything when they're babies.
Worry.
It's good to worry.
The other thing I forgot to mention is the beauty of kids outside of those weird emergencies, like when they get fevers and stuff, is there's only three things that can be wrong.
I'm tired, I'm hungry, my diaper's dirty.
That's it.
So you just check those three things.
Now, what if they're tired and you can't get them down?
Well, swaddling is crucial to get them to sleep.
Because a really great book you got to read is, oh, fuck, he's French.
I'll dig up his name, Jewish guy.
But his whole thing is like babies come out a trimester early because their heads are so big.
A horse comes out, he's ready to rock.
He's finished.
Babies come out too soon because if we waited four trimesters, the head would be too big to get them out of the hole, which you see in animals like pugs, where they cannot give birth to their own offspring.
So they come out early, but you have to mimic the womb.
So you swaddle them so they can't move, and that reminds them of being in the womb.
And then the other thing you do is go, shh, shh, shh.
And that mimics the sound of the blood and all the juices that were going around their ears when they were in there.
So foolproof way to make a kid sleep is you get him in the swaddle and then, and I did this on a plane to Scotland a few times where no tears the entire way.
I'd go by the like bathrooms where there's a little area by the emergency exit thing.
And I would just hold my kid and just go, shh, shh, shh.
Shh.
It can take an hour.
Think of it as a workout.
Worst case scenario, an hour.
Usually 10 minutes.
Just shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Shh.
Bang, she's out.
Now, how delicate is that sleep when they're asleep?
They can be woken up pretty easy, or they're heavy sleepers.
It depends.
It's weird because as they get older, they become rocks.
I've had arguments with my wife with my son sleeping there, and he doesn't wake up.
Wow.
You can talk like this around sleeping kids, but babies are different.
Their sleep's a little more fragile, which is why you get so fucking pissed if a motorcycle or a car with no mufflers goes outside and you're just like, hope you enjoyed your cool badass ride, dude.
I'm the aunt angry.
So this guy's got some suggestions.
Apart from diapers, pacifiers, wipes, and other obvious baby needs, taggies are a huge hit.
Just Google them.
Swaddles with Velcro to keep them tight are good for sleeping in.
What are taggies?
I don't remember taggies.
Do you remember taggies?
No.
Well, you should be looking them up rather than showing a letter I'm already reading.
I'm literally Googling them.
I already got them.
I'm gitterly loogling them.
Oh, it's like a little thing to play with.
Yeah.
By the way, people have sent stuff, and I'm super duper grateful and very touched by that.
And we're going to send out thank you cards to everybody.
Like, we got these cute little things.
Like, a lot of elephant stuff.
She's going to be a little elephant lover girl.
Okay.
Swaddles with Velco to keep them tight.
A boppy is great to have for holding, feeding the baby.
Yeah, I forgot about boppies.
They are perfect.
A noise machine seems to help them sleep.
Boba wrap for mom to carry the baby hands-free.
Yeah, you need...
I swore before I had kids I would never wear a baby knapsack.
I forget what they're called.
A baby Bjorn.
But you need them.
Just give up on being cool.
I'm probably forgetting a bunch of things they add.
I'm glad your buddy is trying to scare New Yorkers away from Florida, says Mindy.
Obviously, I don't want to misinform anyone.
So here are two screenshots from Google about New Smyrna's coastal breeze.
Florida gets hot, but if you live along the Atlantic coast, you will always get a cool ocean breeze.
Do not share this information with anyone.
Okay.
Show the picture.
I was pretty surprised that August has a low of 74.
That's New York City.
Those temperatures are New York City.
In fact, it's 95 today.
Interesting.
So they try to scare you away.
Cracker Barrel Billboard in Florida, our secret ingredient care.
Why are they stealing my jokes, Cracker Barrel?
Yeah, I already exited.
That's funny.
Dear Gavin and Ryga, fuck you.
Also, check out this coffee mug.
It looks like Target Market is basically just Milo.
It's okay to be gay.
I love this because it's the okay symbol.
I'm buying that mug.
Oh, you sent me another thing we never got to.
Did you want...
What is this biker hat thing?
Bicycle film festival?
This is what graphic design is.
No, I just sent you that personally.
Oh, okay.
So you could, because your graphic design's terrible.
Oh, I see.
I was showing you what graphic design looks like when it's good.
It looks like a dick.
Okay.
Then it's a well-designed dick.
You know, phallic symbols are...
You know what I don't like about that shirt?
T-shirts should be triangular where everything is centered around the chest and then it tapers down.
That's got the center in the middle, which looks good on a poster, but not so much a t-shirt.
T-shirts should be high up.
The top third should be all the action.
We're going to start making lawn signs.
I want to have one that's like, puppies are wonderful.
Love is kindness.
Caring is good.
Mean is bad.
Hearts are real.
Just something.
They'll be like, what?
Puppies are best friends.
Bad grammar and everything?
Yeah.
That's fantastic.
A Wii video for the show.
Oh, what's this now?
Where are they gone?
You don't know?
She's hit when she grows old, you can tell.
Someone come round and they just ate them all.
Someone come around and ate the cakes.
Yeah.
So someone broke into our home and ate Mr. Kipling's angel slices.
Didn't take the TV, didn't take, you know, some jewelry.
They took these cakes.
And it was a black man.
Where have they gone?
Oh my.
Smart, but that's too much.
Something I don't get.
Good evening, Gavin.
Congratulations, Ryan.
Something I don't get are guys who say they don't like strip clubs.
What's not to like?
There's alcohol, and the only woman there are there to entertain you.
Do you think these guys are just virtue signaling?
And if they are, these guys probably agree that sex work is real work.
What do you think?
Like your new sunglasses.
I have heard one good argument against strip clubs, which is it makes me, this isn't me, but the guy said it makes me too horny.
And I can't fuck them.
So why am I getting all riled up?
Because it's fun.
Sometimes if I'm in a meeting and I'm bored, I might look at porn just to like get the juice.
Maybe that's what Jeff, what's his name?
Jeffrey Toobin was doing.
He was looking at porn because the meeting was so boring.
And then the next thing you know, he got himself all riled up.
Don't jerk off.
But yeah, it's fun to get horny.
It gives you good ideas for what you're going to do to your wife.
That's another shirt.
And the thing I liked about strip clubs back when I would go, I can't go now that I have a daughter because all I can think about is her dad and what he did wrong.
But back before I had a daughter, it's just like you're talking to a dude and instead of like a beautiful garden behind you, it's beautiful naked ladies.
What a wonderful thing to be in the background.
All right, let's do the final video.
Let's go to 2-8 where we see the aforementioned stripper falling from, I'm going to say, 30 feet.
Bent separately.
I got it here open up a tie.
Play something I'm giving wait wait stop stop stop stop.
Oh, that's a fun place.
We don't know what's gonna happen.
How high do you think that is?
10 feet, 20 feet, 30 feet.
Yeah.
Wow.
Plus, they're drunken on Coke.
Whoa.
So the viewer who sent this in goes, is she just on autopilot and doesn't know where she is?
How are you not concussed from that?
I'm fine.
I'm good.
You're a liar.
It doesn't say that.
One time we were at a strip club, I think I was with a girl too, amongst our crew, and the stripper was kind of a hipster.
So she was of our demographic, like with similar tattoos.
She's a sister.
And it was kind of embarrassing.
Like when it's a Puerto Rican single mom, everything's normal.
But when it's one of your people, you go, ooh, you kind of fucked up, didn't you?
And then she just got really shit-faced.
She must have went, oh my God, there's people there that might know people who I know.
So she just started doing shots, and then she was all sloppy and falling all over the place.
It was grim.
Yeah, that's a better look than just doing what you were doing.
Strip clubs are fun, but we don't want the people we love to be strippers.
We don't want that for our girls.
We want our girls to be happy.
We want our girls to breed.
We want our girls to experience everything.
If our girls are meant to be oncologists or meant to be Kennedy from Fox Business News or meant to be Maggie Thatcher or meant to be Ann Coulter, by all means, go bananas, get out there, conquer the world.
If, however, you represent the other 99.5% of the female population, then we want you to find a man that loves and respects you, is going to treat you right, is never going to cheat on you, is going to kiss you to bed at night.
Here's something, by the way, I recommend doing.
My screensaver recently is my wife cleaning my ears.
And just like I look at it about a thousand times a day because that's what you look at with your phone.
It's helped my relationship.
It's reminded me how much I love her and how much work she does and how much she has to put up with me.
Try it out.
Instead of your kids, which everyone else does, make your lock screen you and your wife.
Anyway, that's our ultimate goal with women is to have them fulfilled and happy and not jiggling on the floor because someone's filming them as they have a nervous breakdown because they haven't fulfilled any of their biological needs.
If you're a freak, by all means, pursue freakdom.
But I'm sick of this culture where we force people into freak land when they don't want to be there and they end up lonely and alone, lying on their back, getting boned by some guy who doesn't give a shit about them.
So ladies, if you're 25, start getting serious about who you're dating.
You're running out of time.
You don't want your kids to be autistic.
Not that there's anything wrong with Autistic Kids, but old people tend to have them, and they struggle.
Get knocked up early.
Do what Ryan's doing.
Although he should do it in order.
Proposal, ring, marriage, baby.
Pretty close.
I think he went baby.
Well, baby will come after the marriage.
Ring, proposal, marriage.
The baby will come after the marriage, to be fair.
We'll see.
Yeah.
We'll see.
Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
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