Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S03E82 - RESPECT YOUR ELDERS (Part 1)
Aired: 2021-03-08
Duration: 30:57


=== Hey From Winnipeg (09:44) ===

[00:00:13]  Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.
[00:00:23]  These eyes cry every night for you.
[00:00:35]  That was originally the guess who, eventually Burton Cummings.
[00:00:39]  Cummings or Cummings?
[00:00:41]  When he went solo.
[00:00:44]  Why go to school anymore?
[00:00:46]  I was listening to these eyes in the car on Saturday, Sunday, Sunday.
[00:00:53]  And I thought, fuck, that's a good jam.
[00:00:56]  And then I was curious about the vocalist Burton Cummins.
[00:01:01]  Is it Cummins?
[00:01:02]  Cummings.
[00:01:02]  Cummings.
[00:01:03]  I was curious about Burton Cummings.
[00:01:05]  He's from Winnipeg, which is fucking freezing, folks.
[00:01:11]  When I meet someone from Winnipeg, I go like this.
[00:01:13]  Hey.
[00:01:15]  It's like, thank you for your service.
[00:01:17]  You live inside of an ice cube.
[00:01:19]  It's intense up there.
[00:01:22]  But Randy Bachman and Burton Cummings both came from Winnipeg.
[00:01:28]  And they're both some of the most prolific songwriters in the history of time.
[00:01:32]  And as I get older, I get more and more reverent about songwriters and what a rare skill it is, especially people who can write a bunch.
[00:01:41]  There's so few human beings like this.
[00:01:44]  Taylor Swift is one.
[00:01:46]  Sorry, but she is.
[00:01:48]  Tom Petty?
[00:01:49]  Tom Petty?
[00:01:50]  Shane McGowan of the Pogues.
[00:01:53]  You think, oh, these are all old Irish classics.
[00:01:55]  No, he wrote a ton of those songs.
[00:01:58]  Very few of them, in fact, are old Irish classics.
[00:02:01]  But when you look up Burton Cummings' hits, there's like fucking 12.
[00:02:10]  Now, I've heard that you get about 400 grand a year for a hit.
[00:02:14]  Like, what's that police song?
[00:02:19]  Every Breath You Take?
[00:02:21]  I heard that Sting just gets $400,000 a year for that.
[00:02:25]  So when you have this many times half a mil, that's some pretty good.
[00:02:30]  So what are the ones we recognize?
[00:02:32]  Go to the top.
[00:02:34]  Are these all his hits?
[00:02:35]  Stand tall.
[00:02:36]  I don't know, Break It To Them Gently.
[00:02:38]  I don't know.
[00:02:38]  I'm Scared.
[00:02:39]  Wait, I don't know these songs.
[00:02:42]  I will play a Rhapsody, I guess.
[00:02:44]  I kind of know.
[00:02:44]  These aren't his hits, Ryan.
[00:02:46]  It says highlights.
[00:02:47]  Yeah, that doesn't mean they're his hits.
[00:02:51]  American Woman was him.
[00:02:54]  Oh, wow.
[00:02:54]  She's come undone.
[00:02:57]  Stand tall.
[00:02:59]  Don't be too small.
[00:03:05]  What else is there?
[00:03:08]  Can you just say that?
[00:03:08]  When a man loves a woman?
[00:03:10]  This is his greatest hits.
[00:03:12]  2017, his greatest hits ever.
[00:03:16]  Of 98 songs.
[00:03:20]  You ain't seen nothing yet.
[00:03:23]  You just ain't seen nothing yet.
[00:03:26]  I think that's him and Randy Bachman.
[00:03:28]  Like, She's Come Undone was Randy Bachman.
[00:03:31]  And I saw this great documentary on the weekend about the Go-Go Girls.
[00:03:35]  And they talk about how towards the end, one of them saw one of the checks that the bassist got.
[00:03:42]  And the bassist was a songwriter.
[00:03:44]  And they were fucking huge.
[00:03:45]  They were making probably $100,000 a night playing shows in the 80s.
[00:03:49]  And then they see this guitarist get a way bigger check, and they were all pissed off because they haven't really been taught to revere this incredible skill.
[00:03:59]  The reason you guys are on tour is because of We Got the Beat.
[00:04:03]  And it's hard.
[00:04:04]  There's a doodle doo-doodle.
[00:04:06]  It's not just a riff.
[00:04:07]  It's doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doo, doodle, doodle.
[00:04:10]  All the kids go walking down to school.
[00:04:13]  We're standing in line.
[00:04:15]  We got the beat.
[00:04:19]  All of these songs too, like she's coming on bop and dooding daba doo bada.
[00:04:26]  So what's that?
[00:04:31]  Great jams.
[00:04:33]  This is a great documentary.
[00:04:34]  What's it called?
[00:04:36]  It's called The Go-Go's.
[00:04:38]  came out in 2020.
[00:04:45]  We are the first local band that wrote their own material and played their own instruments to be really successful.
[00:04:52]  In the course of a year, we have gone from playing cardboard to Madison Square Garden.
[00:05:01]  There never would have been the both of us without the punk rock scene in Los Angeles.
[00:05:07]  Anybody could do whatever they wanted.
[00:05:09]  It was total freedom.
[00:05:10]  The punk scene, a little bit of a game.
[00:05:13]  Play the way you wanted to play, and you were accepted.
[00:05:16]  People used to cross the street when they saw me.
[00:05:18]  I felt powerful for the first time.
[00:05:20]  When they asked, hey, do you play lead guitar?
[00:05:22]  I figured I'd play bass.
[00:05:24]  That chick on the bass, Charlotte Caffey, she wrote most of the hits.
[00:05:27]  Okay.
[00:05:27]  These songs.
[00:05:29]  Roger Daltry was really pissed at Pete Townsend because he's like, I want to have my hits.
[00:05:33]  Why do you get all the money?
[00:05:34]  And Peter goes, okay, write me some hits, dude.
[00:05:39]  And he wrote a bunch of shit songs.
[00:05:41]  We played them on the show the other day and they suck.
[00:05:43]  He's got two songs and they reek to high hell.
[00:05:46]  It's fucking hard to write a song.
[00:05:49]  So the guess who is American Woman, right?
[00:05:52]  That was 65 to 75.
[00:05:54]  They were fucking huge.
[00:05:55]  Randy Bachman of BTO with taking care of business, working overtime.
[00:06:01]  When they were on The Simpsons, Homer Simpson kept yelling, get to the working overtime part.
[00:06:09]  Like the, what do we call those?
[00:06:11]  Come sail away with me, lad.
[00:06:13]  Vocal garnishes.
[00:06:14]  Yeah, vocal garnishes.
[00:06:15]  Get to the vocal garnish.
[00:06:17]  Spring feed!
[00:06:20]  We're going to play all your old favorites.
[00:06:23]  But first, we'd like to dip into our new CD.
[00:06:25]  Taking care of business.
[00:06:27]  Don't worry, sir.
[00:06:28]  We'll get to the docking.
[00:06:29]  No new crap.
[00:06:30]  Take care of business now!
[00:06:32]  We get up in the morning from the long, long story thing.
[00:06:37]  We can't get into the city.
[00:06:40]  Get to the work in overtime, pal!
[00:06:42]  *laughter*
[00:06:48]  Just the one part, yeah.
[00:06:51]  So, yeah, Randy Bachman left the guest 2 at their peak in 1970.
[00:06:56]  You know why?
[00:06:57]  You'll never guess in a billion years.
[00:06:59]  No cheating.
[00:06:59]  I mean, um...
[00:07:02]  I don't know.
[00:07:02]  Me?
[00:07:05]  I don't know.
[00:07:07]  They were irreligious.
[00:07:09]  They were partying.
[00:07:10]  They were doing Coke.
[00:07:10]  They were fucking chicks.
[00:07:11]  It's against Christ.
[00:07:14]  So then he left.
[00:07:15]  He started a family band.
[00:07:17]  And then eventually he started BTO Bachman Turner Overdrive.
[00:07:20]  They had a ton of hits.
[00:07:21]  And they got to do...
[00:07:28]  Then they got, is that him?
[00:07:30]  And we were selling millions of records, and we were making thousands of dollars a night, and the traveling was good, but it was starting to take its toll with each guy, you know.
[00:07:38]  And I guess each guy, at the time there were four of us, and each guy kind of reached his limit at a different time along the way.
[00:07:45]  And I think Randy just couldn't hack the traveling for one thing because he's more of a family man than the other three of us are or were or whatever.
[00:07:55]  He just came out and said that every guy dealt with the success and the schedule their own way.
[00:08:00]  At a certain point, you couldn't hack it because you're more of a family man than they were at the time.
[00:08:03]  Well, to be away 90 days and have a weekend at home.
[00:08:06]  You know what's happening?
[00:08:06]  You go home.
[00:08:07]  When BTO got cooking in the late 70s, they were playing every single night for years.
[00:08:13]  So it doesn't really hold up.
[00:08:14]  Maybe because it's the partying afterwards.
[00:08:16]  They would do the partying.
[00:08:17]  He gets to go home after.
[00:08:18]  Did you know they once had a deep-fried rat?
[00:08:22]  Pardone?
[00:08:23]  BTO were at Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a rat had fallen off one of the pipes into the deep fryer.
[00:08:28]  So as they're going through their chicken, there's a fucking rat in there.
[00:08:30]  Is that one of those like Richard Gere gerbil butt stories?
[00:08:34]  No, it's a true story.
[00:08:35]  They tell it.
[00:08:38]  You've written some songs, right?
[00:08:39]  When up was down and down was up and life was all a crazy game.
[00:08:44]  Yeah, I still write some songs.
[00:08:46]  Let's hear a melody.
[00:08:48]  Well, you want to hear some of my newer stuff?
[00:08:51]  No, I don't want you to show me some dumb beats.
[00:08:53]  I want like a song, like taking care of business.
[00:08:58]  But that's not my song.
[00:09:00]  When up was down and down was up.
[00:09:02]  What was that one?
[00:09:03]  Oh, I'm not going to sing that one.
[00:09:04]  Yes, you are.
[00:09:06]  I'm passing through the days where I couldn't care less.
[00:09:09]  If anyone saved me, now I see we see the same way.
[00:09:13]  But I never would have met you, never would have hear.
[00:09:16]  You know, there's Bachman.
[00:09:17]  Then they did it.
[00:09:17]  You ain't seen nothing yet?
[00:09:20]  Well, that's a weird ending.
[00:09:22]  No, I'm just now.
[00:09:22]  Do you have any other songs that you can sing?
[00:09:27]  I have recordings.
[00:09:28]  No, no, that's boring.
[00:09:30]  That's just you noodling away with fucking Guitar Hero or whatever.
[00:09:32]  I don't do acapella.
[00:09:34]  I mean, they don't do a cappella either.
[00:09:35]  I mean, if you've got those guys in a room, you say, go ahead, sing your song and be like, I mean, I don't have a guitar.
[00:09:39]  What am I?
[00:09:39]  A joke?
[00:09:40]  I've written a ton of songs.
[00:09:41]  I only have the pieces of them.

=== I Love You, China (02:18) ===

[00:09:43]  Do you want to hear them?
[00:09:44]  Yes.
[00:09:45]  This is what I've been working on for probably 20 years now.
[00:09:49]  It's a country song.
[00:09:50]  Diddle-dling.
[00:09:52]  Maybe you could get your guitar.
[00:09:53]  Okay.
[00:09:56]  Do you know the chords?
[00:09:57]  No, it's just...
[00:09:59]  So...
[00:10:05]  I don't know.
[00:10:06]  Just play music in the background.
[00:10:09]  This song is about other countries moving here to America or to the West in general.
[00:10:15]  And how the Bible says in the Tower of Babel that we should all have our own areas.
[00:10:23]  So regular little country beat here.
[00:10:25]  Yeah.
[00:10:25]  So first do it like a...
[00:10:27]  Yeah.
[00:10:29]  I love you, China, with your...
[00:10:37]  I love you, China, with your mountains of snow and your centuries of history everywhere I go.
[00:10:47]  I love you, Africa, with your deserts so wild.
[00:10:52]  First man came through Egypt and he crossed the River Nile.
[00:10:57]  But stay where you are, stay where you are.
[00:11:02]  I'll stand here on my land, stand here strong on my land.
[00:11:06]  If you stay where you are, stay where you are, stay where you are.
[00:11:13]  You can come here for a holiday, but then fucking stay where you are.
[00:11:19]  And then jigga-jang.
[00:11:21]  Doom, boom, badoon, da-ba-da-ba-doo, doom, badoon.
[00:11:25]  And then it's uh, okay, but we'll do that.
[00:11:31]  I love you, Mexico, with your dip.
[00:11:33]  And then I have not done that part yet.
[00:11:35]  But I'm gonna do like, I love you, Mexico, is a puerto ballar.
[00:11:40]  It's always puerto ballar with you.
[00:11:42]  If you listen to the other, the reggaeton, every time you do Japanese, it's I think it comes from my son, Johnny.

=== Cause I Need You Now (03:47) ===

[00:11:49]  When he was a little kid, he was ruining the kid's toothpaste by pouring water into it.
[00:11:53]  I have this on a video somewhere, and I go, what are you doing?
[00:11:56]  And he couldn't speak English at the time.
[00:11:58]  And he goes, oh, ches cho baya.
[00:12:04]  That's better than the isa fat.
[00:12:06]  It just sounds like English.
[00:12:09]  And I sort of went, I could tell his tone was, this isn't what you think.
[00:12:13]  I'm being innocent.
[00:12:13]  So I just went, oh, okay, I'm sorry.
[00:12:15]  I'm sorry.
[00:12:15]  Ches cho baya.
[00:12:20]  I also wrote the middle of a song.
[00:12:22]  It goes like this, ready?
[00:12:23]  It's kind of like Len.
[00:12:25]  Those guys are like, steal my sunshine.
[00:12:27]  It's that kind of a song.
[00:12:29]  And it's like, did you get caught when your heart got caught in the dark?
[00:12:32]  You don't even have a stop.
[00:12:34]  Ha ha.
[00:12:35]  And you, and you, and that's all I got there.
[00:12:40]  Sometimes that's all you need.
[00:12:42]  And then when we were away in Europe in the early 90s, going on a punk tour, staying in squats and hitchhiking, me and my buddy Steve, the guy I told you about last week who threw firecrackers and had a concerned citizen on his tail, we said, let's write the gayest song we can.
[00:13:00]  And so I had a song with Tina Turner and Brian Adams, and it was like, When I look into your eyes, I see the smile that's there.
[00:13:11]  Cause I need you now more than ever before.
[00:13:16]  Cause I need you now.
[00:13:18]  You know, I'm crying out for more.
[00:13:24]  When I look into your eyes, I see the smile that's there inside of me.
[00:13:29]  When I look into your eyes, I see the smile that's there.
[00:13:34]  Cause I need you now, forever be forever.
[00:13:37]  It just keeps on going.
[00:13:38]  Because I need you now.
[00:13:40]  Yeah.
[00:13:40]  It's almost like a.
[00:13:41]  That's what I don't get about songwriting.
[00:13:42]  I get how you come up with a hook or a thing.
[00:13:45]  How do you get out of it?
[00:13:46]  But that's like, now you got to add 40 other things?
[00:13:49]  Your thing just kept going.
[00:13:51]  Yeah, I just thought, okay, I got it.
[00:13:52]  We're done.
[00:13:53]  Like Lou Reed says when he wrote Vicious, he goes, Andy Warhol came up to me and he said, you hit me with a flower.
[00:13:58]  You should know he goes, Andy Warhol came up to me and goes, you should do a song about Vicious.
[00:14:04]  And Lou Reed's like, what do you mean?
[00:14:05]  He goes, just, I don't know, like, be like, you hit me with a flower.
[00:14:09]  And Lou Reed was like, the song wrote itself after that.
[00:14:12]  Like, how?
[00:14:14]  That's funny.
[00:14:15]  And then Steve's song was good.
[00:14:17]  It was, but it was so good.
[00:14:18]  It was so gay that I go, I hate that song.
[00:14:20]  And he's like, we had a fight about it, actually.
[00:14:22]  We kind of got on each other's nerves on that trip.
[00:14:24]  But we had a fight where I go, that song is fucking gay.
[00:14:28]  And he goes, that's what we were trying to do.
[00:14:30]  What, my gay song's too shitty?
[00:14:33]  And I go, yeah, it makes me feel bad.
[00:14:36]  He goes, that was the point of the exercise.
[00:14:38]  He was right.
[00:14:39]  But anyway, this is his song.
[00:14:41]  I'm looking for something and I don't know where.
[00:14:44]  Yeah.
[00:14:45]  Rip jeans and wavy long hair.
[00:14:49]  You got to do it.
[00:14:50]  You know it's the time.
[00:14:53]  Pull up your socks and find your line.
[00:14:56]  That's the worst part.
[00:14:57]  Oh, find your line.
[00:14:59]  I was like, ah.
[00:15:01]  I was almost with it until.
[00:15:03]  And then don't forget that you can't start.
[00:15:05]  Oh, yeah, that's the song I wrote last year.
[00:15:07]  And all I have is this chorus.
[00:15:09]  You can't start a fight with the petty bone.
[00:15:12]  You can't start a fight.
[00:15:14]  Hey, hey, hey, hey, you can't.
[00:15:16]  And then there's a part in the middle where it's just, you can't start a fight with the petty bone.

=== Getting Good at It (14:13) ===

[00:15:22]  You can't start a fight.
[00:15:24]  That's pretty cool.
[00:15:25]  You can't start a fight.
[00:15:28]  I'd say keep the lyrics.
[00:15:29]  I know Pettibone's like a work in progress word where you want to replace that, but.
[00:15:32]  I've tried other words.
[00:15:33]  It doesn't work.
[00:15:34]  So it's about trying to fight Raymond Pettibone.
[00:15:37]  I don't even know if that's how you pronounce it.
[00:15:38]  Might be Pettibon.
[00:15:39]  I don't know if that's a man.
[00:15:40]  And I don't know.
[00:15:40]  Yeah, he's a painter.
[00:15:41]  He did the Sonic Youth covers and all that stuff.
[00:15:43]  Black Flag record covers.
[00:15:45]  He's a very popular artist who's not very good at drawing.
[00:15:47]  Not very good at it, if you will.
[00:15:49]  Getting good at it, if you will.
[00:15:51]  Did you hear Chip Chipperson's song?
[00:15:53]  It really reminds me of your friend Steve's song.
[00:15:55]  Find your line.
[00:15:56]  Exactly.
[00:15:57]  Like that same type of thing.
[00:15:59]  It's like someone pulling a long thread out of your butthole that you ate.
[00:16:03]  Find your line.
[00:16:06]  It really made me cringe.
[00:16:07]  By the way, good news, folks.
[00:16:09]  Nita Fashions, where I get my outfits from, is sending me new shirts today.
[00:16:14]  Wow.
[00:16:15]  So I'll be able to do the top button without having a panic attack, which is as close as I can get as this.
[00:16:20]  So we'll be back to ties soon.
[00:16:22]  That is fun.
[00:16:23]  And they also took out the waist in all my suits.
[00:16:25]  I shipped them back.
[00:16:26]  They did it for free.
[00:16:28]  And then they made maybe two shirts that were like $50 each.
[00:16:31]  I want to try them on before I buy a bunch more.
[00:16:34]  And then they shipped them back.
[00:16:35]  So the shirts were like, they weren't free.
[00:16:38]  But they altered my suits.
[00:16:39]  They had added four inches already, so it was easy to take them out.
[00:16:43]  But they did it for free, but I had to pay for shipping.
[00:16:45]  And that was to Hong Kong.
[00:16:46]  So that was $380.
[00:16:48]  You're kidding.
[00:16:49]  No.
[00:16:54]  $150.
[00:16:55]  $190.
[00:16:56]  That's a pain.
[00:16:57]  There's a pain.
[00:16:59]  Let's hear chips on.
[00:17:00]  Keys to the kingdom of my heart.
[00:17:04]  And if you put the keys in, my heart will start.
[00:17:07]  You got the keys to the kingdom of my heart.
[00:17:11]  And if you put the keys in, my heart will start.
[00:17:15]  I remember the someday that we met.
[00:17:19]  You bet.
[00:17:20]  I'll never forget.
[00:17:22]  I was walking round with my heart locked up.
[00:17:26]  Wishing there was a key because my heart was locked up.
[00:17:29]  I got the key to the kingdom of my heart.
[00:17:33]  And it can put the kingdom.
[00:17:34]  How many views does that have?
[00:17:37]  Actually, only 315.
[00:17:39]  They made it unlisted, but I had looked at it when it first came out, so I guess I have access now.
[00:17:44]  Why is it unlisted?
[00:17:46]  Maybe he's a shame.
[00:17:47]  Maybe you put on his Patreon.
[00:17:48]  This one has 173 views.
[00:17:50]  I don't think people know this exists.
[00:17:53]  I love Jim Norton.
[00:17:55]  I like him more than a friend.
[00:17:56]  We've had arguments in the past, but he's man enough to say, what's your beef with me?
[00:18:00]  And we had a one-hour fight where he didn't want me on the Opi and Anthony show because he was worried it would make Shane Smith mad.
[00:18:08]  And he just got a gig with vice.
[00:18:10]  And so he claimed that he just didn't want to be surprised with something he couldn't back up.
[00:18:15]  And I said, that's bullshit.
[00:18:17]  And that was our fight for one hour.
[00:18:18]  Anyway, that was many, many, many years ago.
[00:18:22]  Probably 10 years ago now.
[00:18:25]  But I have nothing but respect for the guy.
[00:18:27]  And I told him they're going to cancel your show, by the way, immediately.
[00:18:31]  So you're going to regret this.
[00:18:35]  And I love his comedy, and I listen to all his specials, and I text him when they're on, and I go, that was hilarious, whatever.
[00:18:40]  This reminds me of that, whatever.
[00:18:41]  We talk sporadically.
[00:18:43]  I cannot get into Chip Jefferson.
[00:18:45]  I don't get it.
[00:18:46]  It doesn't fit in my head.
[00:18:49]  It's like homosexuality.
[00:18:50]  I understand that other people like to suck each other's dicks, but I just can't get it in.
[00:18:56]  And I don't even understand when people are on that show, I don't get like, who are you?
[00:19:04]  Like, does Anthony, when he's on the show, he pretends that that's Chip?
[00:19:08]  You participate with Chip, yeah, you interact with Chip.
[00:19:11]  Well, that's annoying.
[00:19:13]  It's like drag queens.
[00:19:14]  Like, you don't know if you're supposed to be them.
[00:19:18]  Like, what's he saying right there, for example?
[00:19:20]  Go back.
[00:19:20]  he's showing you all the different Jim Norton characters.
[00:19:23]  Turn it up.
[00:19:24]  I have a friend who you want to tell what a piece of garbage he is or how fat he's getting or how much you kind of hope he dies.
[00:19:32]  How about you send him...
[00:19:35]  Send him a cameo.
[00:19:37]  Or if you want some extra Kipperson, join Patreon.
[00:19:41]  We got all kinds of great stuff.
[00:19:43]  You get the podcast a week early.
[00:19:45]  We do some live Zoom hangs.
[00:19:48]  And I got a horror film I'm working on.
[00:19:50]  It's really scary.
[00:19:52]  Is anybody in here?
[00:19:56]  You!
[00:20:00]  Nora!
[00:20:00]  I know it's bad, but I don't get it.
[00:20:04]  It's like nihilistic.
[00:20:05]  It's like, it's supposed to make you exhausted, I believe.
[00:20:07]  So much of Tim and Eric, too, is like, we're going to do really shitty public access, cable access show, and we'll laugh at how bad they are at TV.
[00:20:16]  It'll be like a crappy, homemade, low-budget commercial that sucks.
[00:20:20]  Yeah, those suck.
[00:20:21]  I remember, I think it was Andrea Martin from SC TV, or maybe it was Catherine O'Hara.
[00:20:26]  After a while at SC TV, they go, we're getting kind of sick of making fun of terrible television.
[00:20:31]  I want to make good television.
[00:20:33]  So I, sorry.
[00:20:35]  I don't get it.
[00:20:36]  It's like drag queens.
[00:20:37]  When you're with drag queens, you're like, are you you now?
[00:20:40]  Or am I talking to you?
[00:20:42]  Or are you a hot mess?
[00:20:46]  Do you mind if I call you Tiptoenail?
[00:20:48]  Tiptoe Nail.
[00:20:49]  Some B-roller.
[00:20:53]  Key and Peel is still the gold standard of humor.
[00:20:59]  I guess I didn't watch the show that much.
[00:21:00]  And now that I've checked it out on YouTube, it keeps showing me different Key and Peels.
[00:21:05]  And the algorithm is working to my favorite Thank You algorithm.
[00:21:08]  I'm very happy with it.
[00:21:09]  I'd never seen this War of the Magical Negroes.
[00:21:11]  And Ryan had never heard of a Magical Negro.
[00:21:14]  Not that term.
[00:21:15]  You know why?
[00:21:15]  Because he watches Lilo and Stitch.
[00:21:18]  No, I didn't.
[00:21:18]  And Toy Story.
[00:21:19]  So his movie repertoire is all children's movies.
[00:21:23]  So he's not familiar with this trope.
[00:21:25]  Can you believe that?
[00:21:26]  I love all movies.
[00:21:27]  Dark movies.
[00:21:30]  Light ones.
[00:21:33]  Please, this is the worst possible time.
[00:21:36]  Please don't do this.
[00:21:38]  Babe?
[00:21:42]  Wow, you really gave up on that marriage pretty easy.
[00:21:45]  Huh?
[00:21:47]  Can I take your garbage?
[00:21:48]  Yeah, sure.
[00:21:53]  You know, I find the more garbage in the can, the better it feels to dump it all out.
[00:22:02]  Perfect.
[00:22:03]  I suppose that's why we let it.
[00:22:05]  This is why, like, I was, I'll get to her in a second.
[00:22:08]  I was listening to the Comedian in the Car, and I was just reading it, listening to it, going, you tried.
[00:22:14]  Like, that garbage in the can joke is such a perfect representation of what's in these movies with these magical Negroes.
[00:22:22]  It's always like that.
[00:22:24]  And you guys sat and you worked on that sketch.
[00:22:26]  I can tell you worked on it for a long time and you just wanted to get it just right.
[00:22:30]  And you did, but it keeps getting better.
[00:22:33]  You're so fooled in the voice place.
[00:22:35]  Foist place.
[00:22:38]  so we can start over Here to fix the copier?
[00:22:47]  Yeah, sure, sure.
[00:22:53]  It's the way we treat them that needs to be fixed.
[00:22:57]  Just...
[00:22:59]  *Sigh* *Sigh* *Sigh* *Sigh*
[00:23:07]  Like, surely you saw Denzo Washington in the movie with Jim Carrey where he's God and he's a janitor.
[00:23:13]  Yeah, no, I was thinking.
[00:23:14]  I was thinking about compiling all the magical news.
[00:23:16]  I'm familiar with the trope.
[00:23:18]  The one I was thinking of was like an hour.
[00:23:20]  No, no, obviously, you know, Green Mile, but then there's the black guy in Bedazzled.
[00:23:25]  He turns out to be God, believe it or not.
[00:23:28]  And he just comes out from the bottom bug, smoking a cigarette.
[00:23:30]  He's like, you know.
[00:23:32]  And, you know, it always starts with some wisdoms.
[00:23:34]  And then this is what white liberals want blacks to be.
[00:23:38]  Magical little silly prophets who come, drop some wisdom, and then vanish and don't send their kids to your school.
[00:23:46]  And they always have like a lowly lot in life.
[00:23:48]  It's like, yeah.
[00:23:49]  Yeah, they're out of sight, out of mind.
[00:23:51]  Like, go ahead, clean my garbage, say something wise, and then fuck off.
[00:23:56]  You're magical, but you're also a janitor.
[00:23:58]  Yeah, it's basically the way they were seen in like the 40s and 50s.
[00:24:02]  Like, get on stage, do a funny dance with some white gloves, then fuck off.
[00:24:13]  Go back to your little fucking area where you have, you choose someone based on their toe.
[00:24:18]  You know what I'm talking about?
[00:24:19]  In the 40s, they'd have these toe parties, and there'd be a curtain, and these women would have their bare feet there, and you would pull on a toe.
[00:24:26]  Wow.
[00:24:27]  And that would be your date.
[00:24:28]  Oh, shit.
[00:24:29]  Yeah.
[00:24:29]  It's kind of fun.
[00:24:31]  Yeah.
[00:24:31]  Who the hell are you?
[00:24:34]  What's going on with this?
[00:24:35]  Are you connected to the internet?
[00:24:37]  Yeah.
[00:24:37]  Oh, you have to be.
[00:24:38]  Guys, the important question is, who are you, Steve?
[00:24:47]  Well, if it isn't Mr. Stanley, Carl.
[00:24:52]  Carl.
[00:24:58]  Anyway, they have a duel.
[00:24:59]  We're not going to sit here and watch the whole sketch, but they use employ more and more magic, battling each other.
[00:25:04]  And just the way I told you, the reason I like Trump is because I like his fans.
[00:25:09]  I like the people at Trump rallies.
[00:25:12]  You can tell the Key and Peel are good by their comments on YouTube.
[00:25:16]  All of the comments here are high-quality jokesters.
[00:25:20]  What do they say?
[00:25:21]  Well, I saw one of them goes, Carl's right, he was their foist.
[00:25:27]  Blow it up a bit.
[00:25:28]  I can't really read it.
[00:25:31]  Dr. King smiles.
[00:25:34]  They were kicked out of Hogwarts.
[00:25:35]  Stanley's right, he was their foist.
[00:25:37]  What's Stephen King novels?
[00:25:39]  Go up to the top, though.
[00:25:39]  There was one who had a great, great quote.
[00:25:42]  She goes, It's sad that, yeah, now the copier is broken and there's trash everywhere.
[00:25:48]  Consequences.
[00:25:49]  Optical flares for the wind.
[00:25:51]  Oh, I love this one.
[00:25:52]  How so many girls talk to each other in the dating pool.
[00:25:54]  You need to find your own troubled white boy.
[00:25:58]  What are those replies?
[00:26:02]  You'll need to widen your search parameters.
[00:26:03]  May I offer you a troubled exotic yellow boy from the Orient?
[00:26:07]  I personally prefer a badass chick, but I'll check your recommendation.
[00:26:11]  Literally, me.
[00:26:12]  You'll find him on 4chan.
[00:26:13]  Good luck.
[00:26:15]  Anyway, keep going down to the other ones.
[00:26:18]  I love this guy.
[00:26:20]  Who is canonically stronger, Carl or Mr. Stanley?
[00:26:23]  People usually cite the fact that during the final struggle, Carl needs the assistance of Chesterfield, that's his cartoon bird, to be equal with Mr. Stanley.
[00:26:30]  But what people don't realize in the manga, it's clearly stated that Carl is actually a Conjurer Nen user, while Stanley is in an emitter who specializes in the type of projectile-based battle we saw here.
[00:26:42]  Carl's own emitter techniques, plus the power from Chesterfield, his own creation, was able to go toe-to-toe with a master emitter in his own comfort zone.
[00:26:52]  That's scary.
[00:26:53]  Next time they fight, I hope Carl uses his signature ability million talents to summon his army of Chesterfields.
[00:27:00]  I think once he plays to his strengths, he'll win.
[00:27:04]  That is a masterful comment.
[00:27:08]  And, you know, we've been talking about comedy and how some people just have the magic sprinkles.
[00:27:14]  And there's people who don't.
[00:27:16]  Burt Kreischer is an awesome guy.
[00:27:19]  I love his comedy.
[00:27:20]  He's making bank.
[00:27:22]  It's one of the most popular comedians in the country.
[00:27:24]  And it's just a testament to working class America and how if you bust your ass, you don't necessarily have to be magically talented.
[00:27:32]  Like Burton Cummings probably has 10 million bucks in the bank just from songs, right?
[00:27:35]  That's not including live shows.
[00:27:37]  That's because he's incredibly talented.
[00:27:39]  But there's plenty of people out there who are working their ass off who paid their bills and just aren't really good.
[00:27:45]  Like what's a really successful band that doesn't really have any good songs?
[00:27:51]  Or Rich Voss.
[00:27:53]  Rich Voss isn't that funny, but he's a hard worker and he busted his ass and he's got a career.
[00:27:59]  But what's a band like that where they don't really have any hits, but they just keep chugging along?
[00:28:04]  Song workhorses.
[00:28:05]  Yeah.
[00:28:06]  You know, I guess Guide to By Voices are kind of like that.
[00:28:09]  Cold play, they force hits.
[00:28:11]  So what they'll do is they'll pick the hits.
[00:28:13]  Creep.
[00:28:13]  That's a hit.
[00:28:15]  They got, you know, an all-yellow.
[00:28:17]  Oh, no, that one.
[00:28:17]  I'm thinking of radiohead.
[00:28:18]  Yeah.
[00:28:19]  Anyway, the percentage of people who can write songs, I'm going to go with maybe 0.1%.
[00:28:27]  And the percentage of comedians who have the magic sprinkles is similar.
[00:28:31]  It's almost once a generation.
[00:28:33]  But I keep discovering them and I see, because I have special sprinkle eyes, which I would appreciate if you made that my nickname from now on, sprinkle eyes.
[00:28:40]  Old sprinkle eyes.
[00:28:41]  I have sprinkle eyes and I can look and scour the deep dark web and I can find people and I'm like, I smell sprinkles on this person.
[00:28:50]  Not just hard work.
[00:28:51]  Like this homo from the south, what's his name?
[00:28:55]  Brian Jordan Alvarez.
[00:28:56]  Brian Jordan Alvarez.
[00:28:57]  I don't think he's a hard worker at all.
[00:28:59]  I think he likes goofing around with his sister.
[00:29:00]  He probably works at Quickie Mart.
[00:29:03]  And his shit is so fucking golden.
[00:29:05]  Here, just go down a bit.
[00:29:06]  Not that one.
[00:29:08]  Not that one.
[00:29:09]  Here, click on that one.
[00:29:10]  Southern restaurant manager just got to work.
[00:29:13]  That light is so bright, y'all.
[00:29:15]  Did anybody make the tea yet?

=== New Skin Refresh Options (01:39) ===

[00:29:17]  Malcolm, did you make the tea?
[00:29:19]  I'm going to do paperwork in the office.
[00:29:21]  Don't make me mad.
[00:29:23]  Why did I take this job?
[00:29:24]  My God, why did I take this doc?
[00:29:27]  That's just to show you what his face looks like and what his range is.
[00:29:30]  Not that one.
[00:29:32]  Not that one.
[00:29:33]  Look at this one he just did.
[00:29:35]  This is the first one I ever saw of him.
[00:29:39]  Quality.
[00:29:41]  Hey guys, it's Eric.
[00:29:42]  I wanted to tell everybody about some new options available at the salon today.
[00:29:48]  We are doing a skin refresher.
[00:29:50]  So if you are having something where your pores are showing, maybe you're kissing your boyfriend and you are showing your pores a lot, a lot of black head, we can do a deep cleanse and a deep strip that pull that, all the impurity out of your skin.
[00:30:09]  And then we do a hot stone on top and give you a head massage as well.
[00:30:14]  And then we put you in the tanning bed to kind of bake everything.
[00:30:17]  And when you come out, you're gonna look like a new person, I swear.
[00:30:20]  Come by the salon today.
[00:30:22]  Darlise is doing lashes, she's doing cuts.
[00:30:26]  I am doing the skin treatment.
[00:30:29]  And if you don't believe me, I am a patient of the skin treatment as well.
[00:30:37]  Oh, wait, you gotta see his British guy.
[00:30:39]  Keep going.
[00:30:40]  That is just a real guy somewhere.
[00:30:41]  Wait, these are all different people.
[00:30:43]  What are you doing?
[00:30:45]  You left Brian Alvarez.
[00:30:47]  I'm sorry.
[00:30:49]  What's going on?
[00:30:50]  What have you done?
[00:30:52]  Let's go back.
[00:30:55]  I'm getting annoyed.
[00:30:57]  Okay, there we go.