Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #57 - JOHNNY DEPP CAN'T ACT
Aired: 2020-07-23
Duration: 31:08


=== Johnny Apple CBD Gummies (04:32) ===

[00:00:08]  There's a recorder got raspberry jeans waiting and watching.
[00:00:11]  Oh god, here it comes.
[00:00:12]  Who's on the side?
[00:00:16]  Get off my lawn.
[00:00:38]  A nervous wreck.
[00:00:41]  Now my tears are gone.
[00:00:44]  They're gone, gone, gone.
[00:00:45]  Poohed my pants just about an hour ago.
[00:00:48]  Sounds like you pooped your pants three seconds ago.
[00:00:50]  Nope.
[00:00:51]  But I'll tell you what, I was a lot more cautious.
[00:00:53]  And I don't know if you know what this says.
[00:00:55]  This is a sculpture my wife got me when we were dating before we were husband and wife.
[00:00:59]  And it says here, please be a fart.
[00:01:03]  Isn't that funny?
[00:01:04]  Yeah.
[00:01:04]  And I was talking to her today, and I had kind of a chortling toot, like a God.
[00:01:12]  And I kind of ignored it, as one does.
[00:01:15]  And then I'm talking to her in the kitchen and I go, I think I pooed my pants.
[00:01:20]  And so I pull down, I undo my pants, I lower my drawers, and I see fucking yellow bile.
[00:01:27]  Oh, God.
[00:01:27]  And I was like, yep.
[00:01:29]  And the beauty of three kids and 21 years of marriage is I might as well have said I have a stye in my eye.
[00:01:35]  Or like, I think I left my hat at the baseball game.
[00:01:38]  Remember when you said when you fart, a blowjob loses its wings?
[00:01:40]  What happens when you shit yourself?
[00:01:43]  I know this is crazy, but it's not as bad.
[00:01:46]  Wow.
[00:01:47]  That's so weird.
[00:01:48]  Yeah.
[00:01:48]  It's like pity.
[00:01:49]  You get a pity blowjob for that.
[00:01:51]  Oh, that was a perfect.
[00:01:54]  No, it's like when you're in bed and you're with your wife and you're just like, roink, it means like, I don't give a shit what you think of me.
[00:02:02]  And when you have an accident and you poo your pants with a wet fart and this, you're not lucky, it's more like, it's not bad.
[00:02:11]  I don't know why.
[00:02:12]  I can't really explain it.
[00:02:13]  Farting is like wetting the bed.
[00:02:16]  But before we talk about important matters of the heart or the fart, we want to give a shout out to our homeboys, Johnny Apple CBD.
[00:02:24]  This episode is brought to you by Johnny Apple CBD.
[00:02:27]  Johnny Apple CBD is my CBD because they support free speech and they love America.
[00:02:32]  Isn't it funny how I called this site free speech.tv and got sued and wasn't allowed to say that?
[00:02:38]  So now we're censored.
[00:02:40]  Crazy.
[00:02:41]  Right now, my listeners get 20% off all Johnny Apple CBD products with promo code Gavin.
[00:02:45]  Go to jacbd.com, promo code Gavin.
[00:02:48]  Feel great and support Patriot-owned business, jacbd.com, promo code Gavin.
[00:02:53]  And again, the stuff they have.
[00:02:57]  You have the gummies.
[00:02:58]  If you have the gummies with coffee, you don't have the edge.
[00:03:01]  You can have the gummies before bed.
[00:03:03]  You sleep a lot better.
[00:03:04]  The tincture also takes the edge off coffee.
[00:03:07]  Pot has a lot of good stuff besides the THC.
[00:03:10]  This has all the good stuff.
[00:03:12]  And I don't know why this works, but the topicals, when you're sore from working out, which I haven't been doing because it's, as the New York Post described, hell week.
[00:03:23]  It thunderstormed today, so it's 73 degrees in the city right now.
[00:03:28]  But today was brutal.
[00:03:32]  It's like you walk out the door and you're in someone's mouth.
[00:03:35]  You're in their cheeks.
[00:03:36]  You Puerto Ricans probably love this shit.
[00:03:39]  It's pretty cool.
[00:03:40]  Pretty awesome, right?
[00:03:41]  That's why you're wearing a sweatshirt.
[00:03:42]  Yeah, I don't mind it.
[00:03:44]  I like it.
[00:03:46]  You like going on a bike ride today in the sweltering sun?
[00:03:50]  Yes.
[00:03:51]  Why?
[00:03:52]  Feels good.
[00:03:53]  You're like Jim Goad.
[00:03:54]  It feels like you're alive.
[00:03:59]  No, it feels like you're wet.
[00:04:00]  That's why all these countries along the equator haven't done anything because it's too hot to accomplish anything.
[00:04:08]  I just got back from my son's baseball game.
[00:04:10]  It got rained out.
[00:04:13]  I had to jump in my car and drive to the city.
[00:04:15]  I don't like the city.
[00:04:16]  I'm scared here now, to be honest.
[00:04:19]  A, because I've been portrayed as Satan.
[00:04:22]  So if anyone who's remotely politically active sees me, they're going to stab me.

=== Face Parody Incident (10:09) ===

[00:04:26]  Like I was watching the Portland riots and I was thinking, if I just showed up there in a Fred Perry, was like, hey, everyone, let's try to take it down a notch.
[00:04:35]  Trump's got a lot of good qualities.
[00:04:37]  I wouldn't just be murdered.
[00:04:39]  I would be like ripped apart.
[00:04:41]  It would be like the Benghazi murder where they dragged him along the streets.
[00:04:44]  Like I would just be a torso.
[00:04:47]  Yeah, that is weird to think about, but that's true.
[00:04:48]  They'd rip out like chunks of my hair until there was like bald patches.
[00:04:54]  They'd stab me, punch me.
[00:04:55]  My face would be like that.
[00:04:56]  They'd be kicking my unconscious body.
[00:04:59]  Like it would be fucking dark.
[00:05:01]  I'd be shot.
[00:05:01]  It'd be like a scene from Natural Born Killers when their head's on the pipe.
[00:05:05]  Remember that?
[00:05:07]  No.
[00:05:08]  You like shitty movies.
[00:05:10]  I don't.
[00:05:11]  It's a famous thing.
[00:05:14]  So yeah, I'm not comfortable.
[00:05:16]  I mean, we park in the parking garage, and I got to admit, my haunches are up when I walk around this city.
[00:05:24]  But anyway, before that, I went to this bar and something super weird happened.
[00:05:33]  You ready for this?
[00:05:35]  You know, when you fuck a chick back when you're single and you're like, man.
[00:05:40]  And she's sort of, it's just not there.
[00:05:45]  There's times when the opposite is true.
[00:05:47]  Like I remember this girl I had zero in common with.
[00:05:50]  I thought she was an imbecile.
[00:05:52]  And when we kissed, fireworks.
[00:05:56]  Dude, it was crazy.
[00:05:58]  I don't even know if she felt the same way, but all I know is I would kiss her and almost die.
[00:06:04]  It was Chris Angel.
[00:06:07]  Wait, that circle is in the actual video, or did you add that?
[00:06:10]  That's in the actual video.
[00:06:13]  Of course, those who are not familiar with the show, that was Chris Angel claiming that he went off a ramp, for some strange reason went through explosives and then landed in that cage that was suspended hanging off a helicopter.
[00:06:33]  He doesn't explain why he had a seatbelt on, how he got out of the car, which has a roof, and then like he opened the door and then went in.
[00:06:42]  Was it locked?
[00:06:43]  So I like with magic, you're supposed to be saying something.
[00:06:48]  Like I can make this pen disappear.
[00:06:51]  Whoops, I'm magic.
[00:06:52]  So the subtext is, I guess I just made the atoms vanish.
[00:06:57]  So I guess he's saying I separated my molecules, left the car, and then went into a thing.
[00:07:02]  The helmet and the clothes also, I don't know.
[00:07:05]  Like he should be nude in the jail thing, in the cage.
[00:07:10]  Don't you think?
[00:07:11]  To get out all of his clothes, yeah.
[00:07:12]  Yeah.
[00:07:13]  And bald.
[00:07:15]  And backwards.
[00:07:16]  Backwards.
[00:07:17]  And his butt should be his dick, and he should have a dick where his butt is.
[00:07:22]  Anyway, this is weird.
[00:07:23]  So then later on at the bar, maybe like a week later, you see that same girl.
[00:07:28]  She's a little pudgy.
[00:07:30]  And you see her with this guy.
[00:07:32]  He's usually Hispanic.
[00:07:33]  Let's be honest.
[00:07:35]  And they're having a great time.
[00:07:37]  And you're sort of part of you is like, oh, good.
[00:07:39]  Okay.
[00:07:39]  So she's doing okay.
[00:07:40]  But then part of you is sort of going, oh, alrighty.
[00:07:43]  So I guess we didn't work out and you're moving on.
[00:07:46]  Alrighty.
[00:07:46]  Meanwhile, it didn't work.
[00:07:49]  So I saw that today at my local with a dude.
[00:07:55]  I had a dude.
[00:07:56]  Yep.
[00:07:57]  Ex-cop.
[00:07:58]  We got along pretty good, but not great.
[00:08:01]  Then he said we should go riding and we went riding a couple times.
[00:08:04]  And then the dates sort of spaced out a little more.
[00:08:08]  And he was at my party, but he's only there for a short amount of time.
[00:08:11]  And then today I see him at our bar with a new boyfriend.
[00:08:17]  Unreal.
[00:08:18]  And it's that guy who's the EMT who thinks he's a biker and has all the patches on his leather vest.
[00:08:23]  I don't know if you know who I'm talking about.
[00:08:24]  And he walks with a weird sort of a gait like this.
[00:08:27]  I think so.
[00:08:27]  He's a dud.
[00:08:29]  And I was like, wow, this happens in the straight world.
[00:08:32]  I'm having a fat chick experience as a 50-year-old man with a dude.
[00:08:38]  It hurts even more because you're like, dude, I don't even get to bang you.
[00:08:40]  It's just like the endless date part.
[00:08:42]  It doesn't hurt.
[00:08:43]  No, it's just awkward because now this is a guy I've had like five times.
[00:08:51]  You've probably been to this bar and we've sat together and drank a beer.
[00:08:55]  He's sitting with his new friend.
[00:08:59]  And coincidentally, that particular time, Jack was busy and he was drunk from playing golf with those guys.
[00:09:05]  They were the thing.
[00:09:06]  And then there was Al who's kind of mentally ill.
[00:09:08]  So I was kind of alone just looking at infomercials like on the TV screen.
[00:09:12]  Oh man, that's sad.
[00:09:13]  I feel not sitting with them.
[00:09:16]  You know what I mean?
[00:09:17]  Yeah.
[00:09:17]  Like if you showed up with your friend, I would go, oh, Ryan's here.
[00:09:21]  And I would walk over and make fun of you or something.
[00:09:23]  But I can't do that because he's on a date.
[00:09:26]  Oh, that's so weird.
[00:09:28]  So we've, so it's, it's one thing for a male relationship not to work out, but for the guy to move on and then rub it in your fucking face.
[00:09:41]  No, but to be at the same location, it's so bizarre.
[00:09:46]  That is very weird.
[00:09:47]  I think that as a married man, you still have these sort of instincts, these monogamous instincts, and they have nowhere to go.
[00:09:55]  So you end up like shunned by a dude.
[00:09:59]  Or there was that chick at the liquor store that I thought that was very, very friendly.
[00:10:04]  This is actually an episode of King of Queens where he thinks the waitress likes him.
[00:10:08]  Oh, yeah, and she's super friendly, and she was from Canada too.
[00:10:11]  And I'd be like, well, it's cold out, but not cold for us.
[00:10:17]  Canadian t-shirt weather.
[00:10:19]  I'm hot.
[00:10:20]  Yeah, I'll just get a maker's mark.
[00:10:21]  Thank you.
[00:10:23]  She already knows what you want.
[00:10:24]  And then I would see her talking to other people and also being friendly.
[00:10:27]  And I'd sort of be like, oh, fucking whore.
[00:10:30]  How dare you?
[00:10:32]  You're anyone's dog for a bone?
[00:10:33]  The fuck.
[00:10:34]  Just because he has money and wants to be aware of that.
[00:10:36]  And we're obviously not about to elope.
[00:10:40]  She's probably married today.
[00:10:42]  But you just like you have the same instincts you've always had, but they have nowhere to go.
[00:10:46]  So you're like, my friend is cheating on me with a new friend.
[00:10:50]  And the woman at the liquor store is my girlfriend.
[00:10:52]  That sounds sad and awkward.
[00:10:54]  This sounds very good.
[00:10:55]  It's just weird.
[00:10:58]  I got a burrito made today and, you know, like they had you on one-on-one kind of burrito experience?
[00:11:05]  Jew one-on-one?
[00:11:06]  It's a Jewish.
[00:11:06]  So you sit there with avocado or what?
[00:11:10]  I actually went to a Hasidic Jew Mexican restaurant once with Ron Coleman.
[00:11:14]  Yeah.
[00:11:15]  It's all kosher.
[00:11:16]  That's pretty cool.
[00:11:17]  It was weird.
[00:11:18]  No dairy, no sour cream.
[00:11:20]  Oh, that's a bummer, though.
[00:11:21]  Anyway, sorry, go ahead.
[00:11:22]  So I see him down the street because I get some other stuff and I see him again and I just, even him, I give him a nod to.
[00:11:31]  Hey, what's up, guy who made my burrito?
[00:11:33]  So you were in a thick level of awkwardness when you're in a bar.
[00:11:37]  Doesn't that kind of make you want to leave?
[00:11:38]  Because you can't go up to him after a certain time.
[00:11:40]  Well, I was lucky because I had the kids' baseball game.
[00:11:42]  Oh.
[00:11:43]  So gotta go.
[00:11:46]  He could also say, oh, you're having a drink here.
[00:11:47]  Why don't you call me?
[00:11:49]  And I could say, oh, you have some free time.
[00:11:51]  Because we had said, let's get a beer.
[00:11:52]  Did you say, hey?
[00:11:54]  Oh, yeah.
[00:11:54]  He said, hey, how you doing?
[00:11:55]  I saw him at my party.
[00:11:56]  So, how you doing?
[00:11:57]  To see you.
[00:11:58]  I was like, oh, hey.
[00:12:00]  So you got a new best pal.
[00:12:03]  Maybe he saw you at the party talking to other people and being more friendly with them.
[00:12:07]  No, I think he'd already broken up with me.
[00:12:09]  The other thing, too, is you think that you dumped someone, but sometimes they dumped you.
[00:12:14]  And you didn't know it.
[00:12:14]  Yeah.
[00:12:15]  Because he said at his party, he's like, oh, my dog is really sick.
[00:12:18]  I got to put him down on Monday, so I want to be with him.
[00:12:20]  I was like, dude, it's Saturday.
[00:12:22]  And now I think he's just making excuses.
[00:12:25]  It's terrible.
[00:12:26]  That's terrible.
[00:12:27]  That's terrible.
[00:12:30]  It's hilarious.
[00:12:31]  Darman owns live glam makeup.
[00:12:33]  That's right.
[00:12:35]  So.
[00:12:36]  A friend pointed out also his due to his eyebrows, suspiciously nice eyebrows.
[00:12:40]  Maybe he's the gay kid in the video.
[00:12:43]  Wasn't that his wife?
[00:12:45]  Yeah, well.
[00:12:46]  You know, Middle Easterners, whatever he is, they're a little too intense, aren't they?
[00:12:54]  Like the nose is out there and the nostrils are in your face, and then there's the stubble and the fucking eyebrows.
[00:13:01]  It's a lot of face.
[00:13:02]  It's kind of like a parody of a human face.
[00:13:04]  Yeah, it's like a drawing of a face where someone spent too much time on it.
[00:13:08]  I feel like we've said all of this before.
[00:13:10]  One of the things I like about being white is we're just like a nose, some eyes, a little mouth.
[00:13:14]  Yeah.
[00:13:15]  Like your face is way too much.
[00:13:17]  You got like 340 teeth, some big jungle nose.
[00:13:24]  It's TMI.
[00:13:28]  You have like four faces.
[00:13:29]  A lot of teeth.
[00:13:30]  And when I, and that's why you do so well at Halloween because I just put white makeup on you and people shit bricks because they're like, what is this fucked up, weird 32 faces in one face?
[00:13:43]  Like, show your face.
[00:13:45]  I guess you got like 90 races.
[00:13:47]  You're like Fred Armison.
[00:13:48]  Like, what is that nose?
[00:13:49]  It looks like the back of a car.
[00:13:51]  It's like a bumper.
[00:13:53]  No, like everything, the entire back of a car.
[00:13:57]  And then those teeth.
[00:13:59]  Like, it looks like a teeth sample catalog where here's the different, here's the 340 teeth you can have.
[00:14:06]  Tell me, just show me some of the ones you like.
[00:14:08]  And they're like, no, these are all in one face.
[00:14:10]  Do look rather bizarre.
[00:14:12]  And I don't even know what color.
[00:14:14]  What color is this?
[00:14:15]  It's not really tan, is it?
[00:14:16]  It's like chink pink.
[00:14:18]  Yeah, it is pink, chink-ish.

=== ExpressVPN Saves Ass (05:15) ===

[00:14:20]  It's not yellow.
[00:14:21]  Just say what I said, but reverse the words.
[00:14:23]  Express VPN, by the way, has saved our ass because, as you know, there's a war against free speech, but also me and anyone who associates with me, anyone who serves me groceries.
[00:14:35]  In fact, like I joked about serving groceries, but a guy who fixed my computer in my little town got a boycott and he went bankrupt.
[00:14:43]  Right.
[00:14:44]  This is before COVID or anything.
[00:14:45]  Great guy.
[00:14:46]  So I have leprosy.
[00:14:48]  Don't touch me.
[00:14:49]  But Virgin, I believe, and Sky in New Zealand and Britain had shut us down and parts of Australia.
[00:14:57]  So even though you were a subscriber, you could not watch the videos.
[00:15:01]  I think you could if you were somewhere else at an internet cafe, but if you were at a virgin provider, you couldn't watch the show you had paid to see behind a paywall.
[00:15:12]  What the fuck is that?
[00:15:13]  You should be able to see everything but kiddie porn.
[00:15:16]  Like you can watch the most like if you're a Nazi and you sign up for some anti-Semitic like Holocaust show, fine.
[00:15:22]  It's none of my beeswax.
[00:15:24]  Anyway, that's probably not the best analogy.
[00:15:27]  But ExpressVPN, since people have signed up for it, has saved their ass and they can watch the show, which, by the way, is not a racist or even a far-right show, but it has been deemed as such because we're pro-Trump and pro-cop and that's against the DNC.
[00:15:42]  We use expressvpn.com/slash gavin because expressvpn.com is the best.
[00:15:48]  We're living in George Wills 1984.
[00:15:50]  We're being watched.
[00:15:52]  When you sign up for ExpressVPN, Your searches are totally private.
[00:16:00]  But right now, your internet provider can still see every single website you've ever visited.
[00:16:05]  Clearing the browser history does not work.
[00:16:07]  Incognito mode does not work.
[00:16:09]  Protect your online activity today with the VPN rated number one by CNET and Wired.
[00:16:14]  Visit my exclusive link, expressvpn.com slash gavin.
[00:16:20]  And usually when we say this, that there's a code, you could often just put a slash and the name, and it's the same thing.
[00:16:27]  You get three months free with your one-year package, expressvpn.com slash gavin, protect your privacy.
[00:16:35]  And we used to think that's just for pedophiles, right?
[00:16:38]  Or someone who wants to murder their wife.
[00:16:40]  But we're at a point now where you're getting canceled.
[00:16:44]  You are getting canceled.
[00:16:45]  I like to play this game with people where I say, it doesn't work with my phone, obviously, because my contacts are kind of edgy.
[00:16:51]  But I go, pick up your phone, go through your recent calls, and I bet the person or a near relative, a mom, a wife, a son, has had some cancel moment where they did something wrong and someone mistook what they said for the N-word and they're fucked.
[00:17:09]  It is a disaster.
[00:17:11]  By the way, to cheer you up, I know you just got broken up with.
[00:17:15]  And I didn't get you anything physical for your birthday.
[00:17:17]  I got broken up with a chick I didn't want to fuck anymore, by the way.
[00:17:22]  This is pretty intense.
[00:17:24]  I don't know if we can...
[00:17:27]  No, we definitely can't...
[00:17:28]  I would not read this.
[00:17:29]  What about the audacity of him coming to my bar after we break up?
[00:17:33]  This, my friend, is a very special thing.
[00:17:37]  Now, somebody that I know is the flag that was behind President Donald Trump while he was making the Mount Rushmore speech.
[00:17:50]  No fucking way.
[00:17:52]  It's a piece of history.
[00:17:53]  That was an amazing speech.
[00:17:54]  Pull it up.
[00:17:55]  It's an amazing speech.
[00:17:56]  Was there only one flag or was this one of many?
[00:17:58]  There was one of many.
[00:17:59]  Not to dilute the gift.
[00:18:00]  Thank you very much.
[00:18:01]  Are you not allowed to say who this is?
[00:18:02]  No, no.
[00:18:03]  It's because we're exactly why you just said.
[00:18:07]  Thanks, stranger.
[00:18:09]  But yeah, it's.
[00:18:10]  Oh, so it's one of these.
[00:18:11]  That's right.
[00:18:12]  Oh, that's fucking cool.
[00:18:13]  That's crazy, right?
[00:18:14]  Thanks.
[00:18:15]  So, I mean, I did nothing but pass.
[00:18:17]  Michelle Malcolm is the flag expert.
[00:18:19]  She knows all the rules.
[00:18:21]  Is it bad for me to put this in front of my house on my flagpole?
[00:18:25]  I would ask her.
[00:18:27]  Like, should this go somewhere special?
[00:18:29]  Isn't it supposed to be in a diamond shape?
[00:18:31]  I think that's if it's a soldier's.
[00:18:34]  I said to her once, can I put an American flag sticker on my laptop?
[00:18:39]  And she goes, nah, I don't think so.
[00:18:41]  I mean, you're going to be putting coffee on that.
[00:18:42]  It's going to get dirty.
[00:18:43]  Anything where the flag gets desecrated, you don't want to do.
[00:18:46]  Then I checked out her Twitter profile.
[00:18:49]  In it, she has a motherfucking American flag as her laptop sticker.
[00:18:53]  Wow.
[00:18:54]  And I just said Et2 Blue Time.
[00:18:56]  Well, maybe it came from experience.
[00:18:58]  Like from experience, I regret it.
[00:18:59]  No, the time zones are years off.
[00:19:02]  Under the executive order I signed last week pertaining to the Veterans Memorial Preservation and Regulation.
[00:19:08]  You know what we love about Trump?
[00:19:10]  The more shit he gets in, the less cautious he is.
[00:19:15]  Like you beat a dog and it either starts to go and starts biting people or it just is cowed and he starts biting people.

=== Christian Long's Rally (10:11) ===

[00:19:26]  Like I think just yesterday, maybe it was even today.
[00:19:30]  Biden called him a racist and he goes, I've done more for black people than anyone.
[00:19:36]  And you think, are you going to say Martin Luther King?
[00:19:40]  And he goes above Martin Luther King and he goes, maybe, perhaps Abraham Lincoln.
[00:19:45]  But I've done more for black people than anyone.
[00:19:48]  Why do you got to stay so hydrated?
[00:19:50]  Are we doing the mutter rucker fucking thing?
[00:19:53]  Tough mutter?
[00:19:53]  Tough mutter.
[00:19:54]  Like, we're not in Arizona, dude.
[00:19:56]  It's raining outside.
[00:19:58]  It's 70 degrees.
[00:19:59]  Maybe you're so hydrated.
[00:20:01]  I sweat a lot because I went out into the bike sun.
[00:20:05]  You went into the bike, son.
[00:20:07]  Nice.
[00:20:08]  Why are you wearing a sweatshirt if you're sweating?
[00:20:10]  I know this isn't what you want, and I'm sorry.
[00:20:15]  So, Darman owns Live Glam.
[00:20:18]  Yeah.
[00:20:18]  And by the way, this somebody made that.
[00:20:22]  That's nice.
[00:20:23]  That sucks.
[00:20:25]  My silence on the cover of a magazine.
[00:20:27]  You did that.
[00:20:27]  That looks like yours.
[00:20:28]  I did not.
[00:20:29]  Garbage Photoshop.
[00:20:30]  I did not.
[00:20:31]  I thought it was pretty funny.
[00:20:32]  I went to see Natalie Gomez last night.
[00:20:36]  She was our girl, our friend, fighting in Vegas.
[00:20:42]  She lost, but it looked great to me.
[00:20:44]  I'm not good with boxing.
[00:20:46]  Like, I see them in there, unless there's a knockout.
[00:20:48]  I just go, no, sorry.
[00:20:49]  I'm fucking up.
[00:20:50]  Gonzalez.
[00:20:51]  Okay.
[00:20:51]  Boxer.
[00:20:53]  Yeah, she had a big fight in Vegas.
[00:20:55]  They went eight rounds.
[00:20:57]  Okay, you win.
[00:20:59]  There it is.
[00:20:59]  Oh, good.
[00:21:00]  It's up.
[00:21:02]  That's my girl in the green.
[00:21:06]  This Mexican, this Montreal chick, though.
[00:21:10]  I mean, these people are just ninjas.
[00:21:14]  Like, Natalie works at Home Depot.
[00:21:16]  She's got two kids.
[00:21:17]  She can only train maybe a couple hours a day.
[00:21:19]  Sorry, not good enough.
[00:21:21]  You need to train about five hours a day when you're at this level.
[00:21:27]  But she got clipped a few times.
[00:21:29]  I guess she lost.
[00:21:33]  I was at the bar.
[00:21:34]  Some guys from my gym said, let's go watch Natalie.
[00:21:36]  So I go, okay.
[00:21:38]  One of them goes, I don't know.
[00:21:40]  He's a beast.
[00:21:41]  He looks like he's just a monster, right?
[00:21:44]  And I had an epiphany about him.
[00:21:46]  Tommy, we call him.
[00:21:47]  I call him Tommy Fatso.
[00:21:52]  He's a huge, hulking dude who boxes.
[00:21:54]  So he looks like a murderer and he intimidates people.
[00:21:57]  So to counter that, he's super nice, but he's too nice.
[00:22:02]  And I go, Tommy, because he was talking to that dud at my party who always asked, who kept asking, what do you do for a living?
[00:22:09]  I'm telling you, folks, anyone who talks about their job or asks you about your job is a dud.
[00:22:15]  It's like the same as astrology.
[00:22:17]  Just get the hell out of there.
[00:22:19]  Because you're having your, it's leisure.
[00:22:21]  Why do you want to know what I paid in tax last year?
[00:22:24]  Should we talk about property tax and capital gains and other unfun shit that I do in the daytime?
[00:22:29]  It's quiet.
[00:22:30]  Yeah, no, it's quiet for him.
[00:22:32]  Anyway, Tommy must have given him 40 minutes of his time.
[00:22:35]  I was like, you were talking to the worst guy at this entire party.
[00:22:38]  And it's a very high-quality party as far as dudes go.
[00:22:41]  There was only two duds.
[00:22:42]  And he's a great, I talked to him for a while about movies.
[00:22:44]  He's a high-quality guy.
[00:22:45]  High quality.
[00:22:46]  High quality.
[00:22:46]  Great stories.
[00:22:47]  Grew up in Brooklyn.
[00:22:49]  Great fight stories about South Brooklyn.
[00:22:52]  Anyway, I go, you lost your dick.
[00:22:56]  You're so determined not to be a dick that your dick's gone.
[00:23:01]  I got to put your dick.
[00:23:03]  I got to put the dick back in you.
[00:23:05]  I don't know if it's from behind how I'm going to get it in there.
[00:23:08]  This sounds very gay.
[00:23:10]  We got to get the dick back in you because you're wasting your life.
[00:23:15]  Anyway, he goes, Tommy Fatso, who's a giant who I've fought a hundred times that it's he uses maybe 1% of his strength.
[00:23:25]  And I have AIDS by the end.
[00:23:28]  And he goes, I don't know.
[00:23:30]  There's a lot of like hooligans there at that bar.
[00:23:33]  I go, dude, it's a cop bar.
[00:23:35]  We'll be with cops.
[00:23:36]  What's going to happen?
[00:23:37]  You're going to get stabbed?
[00:23:38]  So he doesn't come.
[00:23:40]  And then the guy who set up the night, Shug, guess what happened to him?
[00:23:46]  He got too high on edibles.
[00:23:49]  These are guys my age, by the way.
[00:23:51]  So he gets to the front door and then he sees the sign that says must have a mask.
[00:23:55]  Meanwhile, they have tons of masks in there.
[00:23:57]  You walk in, they give you masks.
[00:23:59]  And he goes, oh, I don't have a mask.
[00:24:01]  Oh, fuck.
[00:24:03]  I could ask for one, but everyone's going to know I'm stoned.
[00:24:06]  He went home.
[00:24:07]  Oh, man.
[00:24:09]  Luckily, I was with the awesome cop dude who had great stories.
[00:24:13]  Dude, our neighborhood, well, I should say the neighborhood my bar is in, I mean my gym.
[00:24:20]  There was a shooting last night.
[00:24:22]  Two nights ago, there was a hammer attack.
[00:24:24]  This is in New Rochelle.
[00:24:25]  There was a hammer attack.
[00:24:27]  While the guy was getting pounded with a hammer, another dude was standing with his gun sideways going, step back, step back.
[00:24:33]  What?
[00:24:34]  You're going to let this happen.
[00:24:35]  Made sure there was no one interrupting the hammer attack.
[00:24:39]  Whoa.
[00:24:40]  No news.
[00:24:41]  They'd rather show you some moms in Portland singing Kumbaya.
[00:24:46]  Dude, New York is on fire.
[00:24:48]  What was there the other day?
[00:24:50]  In the past nine days, there's been 114 shot.
[00:24:54]  Something like that, yeah.
[00:24:56]  I forgot.
[00:24:56]  It was a tweet that I saw because it's, I don't know if you can get those figures.
[00:25:00]  That's like 10 shootings a day that connected over July 4th.
[00:25:18]  Yeah, that's nothing.
[00:25:19]  It's gotten way worse since then.
[00:25:20]  July 4th was 100 years ago.
[00:25:24]  40 people shot and killed, did it say, or shot 40 people were shot and three killed.
[00:25:29]  That's nothing.
[00:25:30]  That's kiddly winks.
[00:25:32]  Tiddlywinks.
[00:25:34]  Early July, also in the news, I forgot the number of these, but Michael Graves, ex-Misfits frontman, not Danzig, has been canceled.
[00:25:50]  And I saw this article by Christian Long.
[00:25:53]  Now, remember Justin Long?
[00:25:55]  He's in a bunch of movies.
[00:25:58]  I think he was the Mac guy when there was the Mac and PC commercials.
[00:26:03]  Now, when I did commercials with Rooster, we had an ad agency and Rooster Worldwide, we were called.
[00:26:09]  We hired Christian Long.
[00:26:11]  Not Justin Long, but his brother Christian Long.
[00:26:13]  Is that the same?
[00:26:14]  This better not be the same Christian Long.
[00:26:17]  Anyway, he writes that Michael Graves, what's the article say?
[00:26:24]  Misfits alum, Michael Graves, ripped for joining Proud Boys hate group and supporting Donald Trump.
[00:26:30]  And then he goes, Proud Boys are known for their white nationalist, anti-Muslim, and anti-Semitic rhetoric memes.
[00:26:39]  He had memes at the end.
[00:26:41]  Now, this is what the SPLC says.
[00:26:43]  They go, they share Nazi memes.
[00:26:45]  They just mean spicy jokes.
[00:26:48]  So they dare to share rude jokes and maintain affiliations with known extremists.
[00:26:55]  I don't, what does that mean?
[00:26:57]  Like you maintain an affiliation with David Duke?
[00:27:00]  How do you maintain an affiliation?
[00:27:04]  Remember the group have previously appeared alongside other hate groups at extremist gatherings, namely Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, North Carolina back in 2017.
[00:27:13]  Yes, there were three dudes there.
[00:27:15]  They were all kicked out.
[00:27:17]  They didn't know what the fuck it was.
[00:27:19]  Lots of people didn't.
[00:27:20]  And by the way, Unite the Right was initially pitched as a save the statues rally.
[00:27:27]  And people said, I don't know, this taking out statues thing, it could lead to trouble.
[00:27:31]  That's not looking so crazy now, is it?
[00:27:34]  Now, I believe it's a lie.
[00:27:36]  And I think they pretended it was about statues, but they ultimately had a Nazi plan with Jews will not replace us and the tiki torches and all that.
[00:27:50]  But I believe it was a Fed move.
[00:27:54]  I think they said, let's suck in everyone remotely right-wing into this rally, pretend it's about statues, turn it into a Nazi thing.
[00:28:03]  Hopefully someone like Heather Heyer will die and a bunch of people will get arrested.
[00:28:06]  We'll have the cops not do anything and we can just turn, just push everyone on the sort of right off a Nazi cliff.
[00:28:14]  That's what I believe happened.
[00:28:17]  The guy behind it, Jason Kessler, told me personally that he's not alt-right.
[00:28:21]  He lied.
[00:28:22]  And I called him out on my show for that.
[00:28:27]  And he was an Occupy Wall Street guy.
[00:28:29]  He voted for Obama.
[00:28:31]  I don't really buy that he went violently right-wing in a few years.
[00:28:37]  I think he's a fed.
[00:28:39]  And it was always funny at Proud Boy meetups when we'd suspect guys were feds because we don't sit there burning crosses and stuff.
[00:28:46]  We read from Pat Buchanan's Death of the West.
[00:28:50]  We air our gripes.
[00:28:51]  It's exactly like Knights of Columbus meetings.
[00:28:53]  I can't tell you about, but you could probably guess.
[00:28:55]  There's nothing drastic going on.
[00:28:57]  And we always joke that the feds who show up will probably report to their boss and go, yeah, it's a lot deeper than I thought.
[00:29:04]  I'm going to have to stay around.
[00:29:05]  Like you just drink beers with cool dudes once a month and make fart jokes.
[00:29:11]  So it's probably the greatest gig, especially if you're like infiltrating the pagans or the Hell's Angels or the Mongols.
[00:29:17]  And you know at any moment someone's going to find out and pop a cap in your head.

=== Blades Movie Promo (01:49) ===

[00:29:22]  Head?
[00:29:22]  Pop a cap in your head.
[00:29:24]  What was that?
[00:29:26]  I can't believe I just said pop a cap in your head.
[00:29:29]  Yeah, that was old.
[00:29:30]  I'm 50.
[00:29:30]  That was old.
[00:29:32]  That was the oldest thing you've seen.
[00:29:33]  I shit my pants two hours ago and I said pop a cap in your head.
[00:29:38]  We might be able to talk to Mikael Graves.
[00:29:40]  Is it Mikhail or Michael Graves?
[00:29:43]  Yeah, we should have him on the show.
[00:29:45]  You don't mean tonight, do you?
[00:29:47]  Let me see.
[00:29:48]  Let's not complicate the show.
[00:29:50]  Okay.
[00:29:52]  So post-roll, we're about to go behind the paywall now.
[00:29:57]  Post-roll, we're going to plug the Blades movie, RealAwakening, at realawakening.com.
[00:30:03]  This episode was brought to you by Blades, the movie from RealAwakening.com.
[00:30:07]  Check out the comedy Blades at realawakening.com.
[00:30:11]  These guys support censored.tv, so we support them.
[00:30:14]  Realawakening.com.
[00:30:15]  Check out the movie Blades.
[00:30:18]  What's the URL to see that?
[00:30:21]  RealAwakening.com slash Blades.
[00:30:24]  And Real is R-E-E-L.
[00:30:26]  Yes.
[00:30:26]  Like a movie reel.
[00:30:28]  Bonk in the nuts.
[00:30:31]  Good deke.
[00:30:33]  Oh no.
[00:30:34]  He's getting it.
[00:30:38]  And then when we do the callers, which will be at 10 p.m., two pairs of hashi socks.
[00:30:44]  Go to hashiwear.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off.
[00:30:48]  And then the second caller also gets two pairs of fucking socks.
[00:30:52]  Can you believe that?
[00:30:54]  All right.
[00:30:56]  We're going to look at some funny videos, including Johnny Depp doing a bad zombie dance.
[00:31:01]  But you can't see it because you don't pay.
[00:31:04]  Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.