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May 21, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
47:27
#141 | Lets catch up on some mail

As the title insists, we catch up on mail.

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Time Text
Let's catch up on some mail.
That's what this, that's what this ep will be dedicated to.
You mean, uh, we'll tap into the... Mailbag?
You should have that thing ready.
Yeah.
Every time we do anything.
Oh it is.
I gotta, but before we do that, I just gotta say, we're shooting all this content for the new website, so when you pay, you subscribe, $10 a month, there's tons of content there for you.
And I'm really looking forward to it because it's not gonna be like a normal show.
There's about 10 shows.
So it's mostly a show where we just sort of go through what happened today, like Get Off My Lawn always was or the Gavin McInnes Show.
But it's also like I might just go to Britain and check out what's going on with Tommy Robinson.
And this would be a good time to do that because.
They're attacking him everywhere he goes, and this is Tommy Robinson, the Brexit guy, he's not bananas about Islam, so that's fascist!
Even though if you go to Birmingham, where Ozzy Osbourne's from, you will not recognize it.
It's 100% Muslim, basically.
Same with Luton, same with a lot of places in Britain.
Anyway, he's against that, and that's fascist.
So people started throwing milkshakes at him, and then they started throwing milkshakes at everyone conserved.
That's the new thing, milkshakes.
So they just threw one at Nigel Farage today.
And Burger King is advocating this.
Burger King put out a tweet that said, hey Scotland, we'll be making milkshakes all weekend if you know what I mean.
Hashtag just saying.
That's how normal it is to be a piece of shit in Britain.
Meanwhile, of course, the retort to that is, oh, right wingers don't like having milkshakes for them.
They're such snowflakes.
They're so triggered.
Yeah, the milkshakes is just a tiny part of it, OK?
Tommy's gotta move his family out in the middle of the night because the Secret Service is telling him there's a credible threat against his life.
So it's not just a milkshake.
But anyway, it would be cool just to hop on a plane with Ryan.
Obviously you get a different seat so you don't have to sit next to him for six hours.
What?
I'll be in business class and you'll be in scumbag class.
Excuse me?
We won't do that then.
What do you mean?
When we bother the airwaves.
Oh yeah, holy shit.
We did that for an entire flight, didn't we?
Yes, we did.
We were that guy.
When I was in high school, we used to call that dramas.
Like when you would get locked into a character and just do it for hours at a time.
But yeah, I forgot.
We were wasted.
We were coming back from Dallas and we were the annoying Mexican slash doctor from 600 Pound Life just going, Excuse me, what is she?
The lady there, she's playing Candy Crush.
Yeah.
And she has nine strawberries lined up in a row.
She's not going to touch that?
What is she doing?
What is she doing?
I've lost my guy a little bit.
Why does she have to... She gets to play a game.
Where's my game?
Does everyone get a game?
Sir, that's her personal phone.
Oh, I see.
So I don't have a personal... Everyone gets a personal phone?
Can you ask her if I can play next, please?
It must suck being a flight attendant these days because flying gets shittier every minute and cheaper and more inefficient and the delays seem to be getting worse and you're stuck there.
Plus it was glamorous in the day when they all had to be hot.
Now they can have huge fat asses.
You know one time I got on a plane and I saw a gigantic fat ass?
In the pilot seat.
Like I saw, you know how when you're getting on you can see the front windows, right?
Yeah.
And I saw a gigantic fat woman working her way into the main pilot seat.
And her ass was as big as a desk.
Now, I know ladies at home, you go, that's fucked up, they're human beings, it's just buttons, blah blah blah.
Okay, okay, okay.
Let's see you when you see that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like remember what's his name?
Ben Carson got fired from NPR because he said, I kind of get uncomfortable when I see Muslims wearing Muslim garb praying before they get on a flight.
He got fired for that.
Who the fuck isn't uncomfortable when right before a flight, at your gate, You see a bunch of people with blankets on the floor praying, like something big's about to go down and they want to make sure they're covered.
Of course you're going to be fucking uncomfortable.
I bet Muslims would be uncomfortable.
Yeah, because they know what it means.
Yeah, they go, oh shit.
I'll take the next one.
So the person had a big ass, a big fatso?
I almost didn't get my job at CRTV because of that.
Because the butt plane thing?
I tweeted it.
I think I said, does anybody on this plane not have a huge ass?
You almost got fired over that?
No, I hadn't started yet.
And apparently a meeting was called.
And the head of CRTV, the gambling guy, they said, well, he's got some pretty contentious stuff in his past, you know, and he said some pretty outrageous things.
He said, like what?
And he said, well, he just an hour ago said this about fat, quote unquote, asses.
And he was pretty cool.
He goes, are they a protected class now?
Meaning the people of the large ass?
Right, right.
By the way, ladies, I can't make this clear enough.
I was just looking at some message board on some encrypted app that people can't even be on normal apps these days.
And it was this big woman with like big thighs, like a plus size model.
And the tone was sort of like, yes, we're big and we're beautiful.
And Every plus size model, every man would kill for that.
When we say, ew gross, you're fat, we mean you're dying.
It's the huge dying ones that aren't popular.
Like that airplane pilot.
She was not, like her doctor, her doctor would look at her ass and go, oh Jesus.
But the normal big, even like a little bit of a gut, no real man has a problem with that, relax.
If you could land a plane on the pilot's ass, I wouldn't trust it to land the plane.
That's where I draw the line.
You know what else drives me nuts about flying is these goddamn Millennials treating it like it's a sleepover.
They bring pillows, they bring blankets.
My brother showed me this.
He took a picture of the guy.
He was going on the train from Toronto to Ottawa in Canada and he not only did he have a pillow and a blanket, he had a mattress.
Now, not the mattress that you sleep on, but like the kind of mattress that would be at the dentist's office or something.
You know what I mean?
Like very thin and maybe three feet by two feet, like not a adult size, but just a large sleeping mat, I guess you'd call it.
But they'll just, they'll just lay out there at the gate like it ain't no thing in PJs and slippers.
That used to be reserved for crazy people and punks.
Now they just can't wait.
And even the way they dress with these shower shoes and the sweatpants that young people like you wear.
Oh man.
Sweatpants.
And the thing I hate about sweatpants too is someone will have a wallet and a phone or something in them and they start sagging down.
They start getting pulled down.
And then when they walk, the cell phone is flopping around in the pocket.
They can't run or it's just bouncing everywhere.
It's going to slip out.
And again, what if someone slaps your girl?
You got your phones flopping out of your stupid pajama bottoms?
I'm sorry.
I just got really, really mad.
Anyway, um...
Yeah, we were shooting stuff on Friday with this show, and I just like the idea of going to see Tommy for a week in Britain, or sometimes the show will be a super high budget thing, like we just shot Cornel West and Milo having an interesting discussion.
Holy crap, have those guys read a lot of books?
Chekhov, and Dostoyevsky, and Tolstoy, and what's the difference?
I think I've read one book by any of those people.
A very literate couple, those two.
Roger Stone, too.
I'd love to get Roger Stone with Noam Chomsky.
Wouldn't that be a... Because you know what you're going to discover when you put these two people together in the cage?
You're not going to have Siamese fighting fish ripping each other apart.
You're going to have a logical discussion.
And there'll be some differences, and there'll be a little bit of give and take, but not a lot.
The reason that we get depersoned and deplatformed is because the far radical left wants to perpetuate this myth that the people on the right are fascist Nazi psychopaths.
And they can't perpetuate that myth if we talk.
So they put tape over our mouths and say, you can't defend yourself.
I'm going to say that you believe this and you're going to be screwed.
And so they do it.
And then people meet you and they go, Oh shit, that's weird.
I thought you were a Nazi.
Why does your kid look like a little Indian kid?
My youngest looks so Chinese that I beat the shit out of our Chinese delivery guy who was around nine months before the baby was born.
I actually wrote that joke, um, at the gym and thought it was so funny.
I was laughing, hitting the heavy bag.
I laughed so hard the first time that I got nothing now.
I'm milked dry from that laugh, yeah.
Well, the context was funnier, too.
The context was some dude thought that I'd have a problem with his son, and his son is like slightly olive-skinned Italian.
Oh, yeah.
I'm like, meanwhile, my boy looks so Chinese.
I was playing soccer with my son.
My boy looks so Chinese, I beat up the Chinese delivery guy, blah, blah, blah.
All right.
So, should we get to some lets?
Now you've given me this annoying habit of abbreviating things.
Is that what you just did?
Yeah.
It was hard to determine what that was.
Because that was a short one, Let's.
But, uh, here we go.
Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
I wonder if your dad feels any remorse.
Like, does he ever go, whoa, what did I do?
Does he have another family?
Um, but yeah, he's got, he's got two kids that are, you know, the real, real, his real kids.
He's got two real kids?
Are they fully Japanese?
Oh yeah.
So he married a Japanese woman or he just boffed her?
Yeah, and then they, um, a little divorce, a little sloppy divorce.
Oh really?
Oh, she cheated on him?
Yep.
Why are you being so sensitive about a guy who threw your life in the garbage?
Who aborted you basically?
Well, you know.
You know what I realized recently?
By the way, you're a prime candidate for abortion.
In the sense that, in this feminist world they're all talking about, you screw some Japanese hairdresser, and then he skips town, and you're young.
I should have been an abortion.
And like, you're a normal definition of abortion.
For them, yeah.
Yeah.
So when they talk about abortion, they're talking about you, my friend.
Dang.
They're saying, we don't need more Ryan Rivera's in the world.
Let this Puerto Rican get rid of that Japanese baby.
We're a bunch of jerks.
Yeah, you should go to the next Pro Choice Rally and just be there with a big sign that says, thanks a lot.
Yeah.
I'm alive.
No thanks to you.
Bastards.
You could be with some people with Down Syndrome too.
We're around too.
No thanks to you.
Yeah.
Hi, Gavin.
I recently watched How to Be a Man.
This is a movie I did.
Do you have any funny or interesting stories related to making the movie?
Also, what happened in the movie with Jim Goett as the skinhead gang leader?
I like you more than a friend, Randall.
Okay, you recently watched How to Be a Man.
Any funny stories?
We shot it in no time.
We shot it in a month.
We wrote it in a month.
The whole thing was soup to nuts in two months.
That's why I'm not impressed when people talk about their movie they've been working on for five years.
Just pound it out.
We work 12 hour days.
Easy peasy.
Uh, as far as funny stories, nope, not that, not that come to mind.
Um, I was really impressed.
We got Diplo that express yourself just to release and go.
That manager was really cool.
And then, um, I kind of became known as this evil hate figure much longer after, you know, there's another movie that Creative Control and I was, the SPLC was just starting their crusade to make me look bad.
Uh, as they were making the movie.
So when they started making the movie, there was no inclination that I'm evil, but by the end it was getting bad.
And, uh, There's a scene in it where the guy's having a panic attack on drugs and the music is pretty boring.
And I said to the director at the premiere, I said, why didn't you make the movie?
The movie was great.
Good job.
But why didn't you make the music crazier during the panic attack?
And he said, he said, I did.
I had awesome tunes.
But the musician found out that you were in the movie and he thinks that you think that trans people don't deserve to live.
Like I want them all dead.
And he removed his song, so I had to get a free song at the 11th hour.
That's why the song sucks.
You ruined it.
Then he sunk into a deep depression after that movie was out, and I don't know if he's worked since.
You don't want to make a movie with me, boy.
By the way, I read about some trans person who was shot recently, and the implication is that There's incredible violence against trans in this country and they're dying left and right.
I think that's true that they do die disproportionately, but what you have to factor in is their lifestyle.
They are drug addicts.
They are disproportionately inclined to be addicted to drugs.
They have a predilection for mental illness and A lot of the times these trainees will go home with some black dude, and he won't find out until the last second that he's with a dude.
Sometimes they've already done the act, and some communities are more homophobic than others, particularly black and Hispanic communities, or especially Muslim, I'd imagine.
And so when they find out they've been with a dude, they don't go, you!
You got me!
They kill the guy.
So you might want to throw that in the mix.
Also, what happened to the movie with Jim Goat as the skinhead gang leader?
I guess I can... Shall I announce the secret?
This is it.
You ready for what I've been holding back from you for all these years?
I did a movie...
That was a movie of my book, Death of Cool.
Jim Gold was in it, and it was just stories from my book.
And the skinhead gang leader was when I got beat up by Nazi skinheads when I was a teenager.
We reenacted that scene.
The whole story of Vice was in there.
And moving to New York, and Derek Beckles, and Shane and Saroosh, and Ryan McGinley, and all the early aughts in New York City.
It's a fantastic movie.
That's sitting on a shelf at 20th Century Fox right now.
I think the divisions called Fox Digital actually, but the story I got and it's tough getting the truth from all these people because they don't.
Want to get sued or whatever, but the story I got initially was that Vice was very unhappy that I was making such a film, even though the book already came out.
And they wanted to do everything they could to shut it down.
And I think they threatened to sue.
I was told that the, what's his name, Roger Murdoch, Rupert Murdoch's son, one of the Murdoch boys, is on the Vice board of directors.
And I was told that he walked into 20th Century Fox and he said, look, my daddy owns this whole place.
Uh, take out this movie.
Don't, don't distribute it.
And they said, okay, we'll just give us another 500 grand and we'll reshoot the Vice scenes and just take them out and we'll, we'll recreate a thread without Vice in it.
And I, I think, I have no evidence of this, it's all rumor, that he came back to them and he said, good news.
I did it.
And they went, fuck you.
We're not giving him 500 grand.
So, That didn't work.
I think we did reshoot a new thread though without Vice.
Oh yeah, we did.
Because later on there was this distributor called Black Pill.
And then I'm told Black Pill was told by Vice to kill the project.
And they said if you don't kill the project we won't.
They allegedly said if you don't kill the project we won't work with you and you need our content.
Black Pill was apparently some new Netflix that was a French company that was going to compete with Netflix but their angle was no kid stuff.
Like it's an edgy Netflix with swearing and boobs and tits and x-rated stuff and nothing family.
We're the edgy Netflix.
Edgeflix they should have called it.
By the way I think Black Pilled Is a term that means super duper alt-right.
Like full-on Nazi, anti-Semite, Jews, the moon landing didn't happen, like conspiracy, nut bar, super super out there, fluoride in the water, no vaccines.
I think.
So it's an unfortunate name for a distribution company, but anyway.
So I believe after threatening legal action and getting the board in there, they were finally able to do it via capitalism and say, we won't work with you if you work with him.
And it's put on a shelf.
But then this character assassination thing became so intense that I don't know if the people involved wanted their name on it.
Cause if it comes out now, especially in the Hollywood creative class, it's like, I worked with a hate figure and made a movie.
So they kind of got their way again.
Cause I even talked to the director and the producer and I said, well, you know, you know me, would you want your name on it?
And he was sort of like, he was very quiet.
And Last Pictures, the guy I used to do sketches with, they took all my videos down.
Even though they know that I'm a cool guy, but they want to start doing movies with Disney and stuff, and they don't want to be associated with me.
It's like, when you get this pariah status, even people who know you're cool don't want to get involved.
Like Ezra Levant, when I said, I assume you want me to come back to Rebel after I got fired from Blades, and he goes, I don't know dude, you kind of have a swarm of bees around you.
So I talked to them recently and I said, can I just buy the movie off you?
And they were throwing around numbers like 700 grand.
And I thought, if I were to buy that for 700 grand, could I make my money back with $5 a pop on a pay per view thing?
And I don't know if I could.
So I'm not into that.
But I don't know, maybe the guys behind my new thing, or if this new site makes a ton of money, maybe I'll buy it off them, and then we'll show it there.
But it is really fucking funny, it's super raunchy, it's ten times better than How to Be a Man, and it will likely never see the light of day.
It's my The Day the Clown Cried.
And I've never told anyone about this before because I was optimistic that we were going to get it, get it made and get it out.
What is made?
It's fully made.
There's two versions it's so made.
There's one without vice, one with vice.
I was confident it would come out and I thought, oh, we'll save all the story for when it comes out.
But I no longer have any confidence whatsoever that it will ever see the light of day.
So there's the story I've been saving all these years.
Oh, and Anthony Comey is in it.
He plays Richard Sawinski.
That was the billionaire who Who brought us down to New York City from Montreal.
And he's amazing in it.
But I can't even get it to show to my friends.
Because they're scared I'm going to bootleg it.
So every time I get a copy, like say I want to show an investor or a rich guy who might buy it.
It has that fucking watermark across it that has his email.
Like this is for Ryan Katsu Rivera.
In big ghost letters on it.
To the point where it's totally distracting.
Like it takes up the whole screen.
So I can't even really see it myself.
That's the weird thing about film and TV.
There's stuff just sitting on shelves, rotting, that's awesome, and it'll never see the light of day.
Anyway, that was a long letter.
Next letter.
Gavin, I was listening to old G-O-M-M-L podcast this past week and rediscovered some gem Gavin stories.
Specifically of interest was the one about your times as a young lad skiing without a helmet and snow gear.
People are raising pussies nowadays and as evidence I cite this personal anecdote.
I was driving home from the gym and saw a helicopter mom on a walk with her two sons and a baby in a stroller.
The boys were on their bikes and fully decked out in helmets, shoulder pads, elbow pads, knee pads.
Shoulder pads?
How are you going to fall on your shoulders?
Gloves?
This pissed me off in and of itself.
However, there's an additional twist to the story.
Their fucking bikes also had training wheels, making it virtually impossible for them to fall.
This is the fucking problem.
Prepping for non-existent danger.
Yeah, Nick DiPaolo talks about that in his last special.
About how he's in the woods in Westchester on a mountain bike, and he sees the guy with a helmet on.
I wish people who wear helmets on bicycles could see themselves through my eyes.
I am so disappointed in you.
You look like such a loser, like such a pussy, like such a total and utter waste of space.
When are you gonna fall and bonk your noggin?
And then, of course, every time I say this, they say, actually, my cousin went into a telephone pole and he would have died if he didn't have a helmet on.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
It's a very rare occurrence.
I grew up in the 70s.
We didn't even know the word helmet.
And everyone was just fine.
Dudes had motorbikes.
They had motocross bikes.
Rich kids, usually kids going through a divorce, like my friend Steve, his parents were getting divorced and he just had everything he wanted.
Like he had the top skis, ski boots, and he had a motocross bike when we were like 13.
He was fine.
It's not the kids' fault, either.
It's these dumb, danger-aware moms and pussy dads to blame for this, he says.
I even had once, back when I lived in Brooklyn, my kids were about five, and they're on these little scooters, and they know to stop at the corner, and they whiz by some childless hag, and she goes, uh, helmets!
So now we're so brainwashed into thinking everyone's gonna die that they yell at people who they don't even know.
And she's never gonna have kids, but she's worried about mine.
I'm telling you, a ski hill is functioning at 100% helmet rate.
Right, Ryan?
Remember we went to Okimo?
We were the only ones not wearing helmets.
Yeah, that was bizarre.
And we were dressed really like, you know, being a little cold wasn't the end of the world.
Yeah, I had jeans on and a flannel.
Everyone's got their little plastic snow pants.
Oh no, my bum might get wet!
You know, I thought I needed the snow pants, remember?
So you brought a pair for me.
And it's like, I feel like without snow pants, you're less likely to fall because you're like, I don't want to get my pants wet.
So you're just better.
Well, you do fall about every four feet.
That's an exaggeration, but I do fall a lot.
Okay?
Furthermore, I finally ponied up $12 to watch How to Be a Man.
Oh, good.
I guess that's two letters about How to Be a Man.
I guess it's available on YouTube now?
I really hope you're the one who profits from this purchase.
I do not.
Totally life-changing.
Although I've been an avid follower for some time, I've already absorbed many blah blah blah.
It's an interesting hour, blah blah blah blah.
I like your new sunglasses.
What does he say?
It makes me more pumped to start sending my money out.
Let's get some info on the new website.
P.S.
Any news of the Hidaway baseball product recommendation from a few emails ago?
I'm telling you, your boy will obviously start to crush baseballs after using it.
Okay, stop talking to me like we're friends.
Here's one from Keaton.
I recently discovered that my 28-year-old brother is a fag.
And no, I don't mean that he is a homosexual.
Worse, actually.
He told me he saw The Avengers two times right as it came out.
He's seven years older than me, and I still can't get him to understand that watching fictional kids movie is bad.
We had a long text conversation about this, and he defended his actions by calling this fucking superhero movie creative, heroic, and inspiring.
G-Dog, what the fuck do I do with this goof?
Also, Ryan Katsu is the man.
Oh, cool.
And here he is saying, And then he showed me a screen grab of the text with his brother where he says, get bodied.
I don't know where this email is from.
Maybe he's British.
I don't know what get bodied mean.
It means like die.
Oh, I never heard that.
Body is like a rap thing.
Like you got bodied, like destroyed or dead.
Oh, okay.
And then his brother says, you say mindless.
I say creative, heroic, and inspiring.
Just because something is fictional doesn't mean it's worthless.
And then he has laughing and I hope you're joking.
I just think the best thing to do and thank you for your letter sir is to just continue making fun of Your brother as much as possible every time you see him Say like oh, maybe Wolverine can come and save us and what's the deal now with?
With Superman now if if does it matter how big the piece of kryptonite is or you know just keep asking him superhero questions about their stupid universe Guy at the gym today was telling me to go fuck myself and that Endgame rocked, because he listens to the podcast.
And I can't beat him up, so I just had to say... I just had to say, uh, thank you very much.
OK.
I hope you enjoy your movie.
Oh, yeah, it was all right.
He was like, OK, that scene where they all come out of all the different worlds show up to kick everyone's ass.
Yeah, OK, fine.
One scene.
Where everyone in the entire universe shows up to kill a universe of bad guys.
Yes, that's interesting.
It's like an interesting drawing.
Sure, whatever.
But you cannot ignore the fucking, she's got the backup, where nine female superheroes fill the screen, including fucking Gwyneth Paltrow.
That's, wait, that's just me criticizing that particular, um, Uh, action movie.
Uh-oh.
I peed my pants last night and I got so drunk I passed out on the couch and I'm just seeing that it went into my phone case.
You're kidding me.
You don't have any Clorox wipes, do you?
Yes, I do.
Happy to help.
I had a note wedged into my case that said, if found, please call my wife and then had her number.
But now that note has been pee-peed.
So yeah, I can't believe I have to keep repeating this, but you don't need to wear a helmet ever.
Maybe on a motorcycle, we can talk.
But I'll tell you what, I wouldn't be wearing one if it wasn't illegal in New York to not wear one.
Like in Pennsylvania, you don't have to wear one.
Oh, I was going to ask, is the drinking limit the same for a motorcycle and a car?
Like is it .08?
I think so, I don't know.
It shouldn't be, it's a hell of a lot easier to drive drunk.
Although I have driven fucking, when I was a young man, I would, I had a Suzuki GS 850, like a chips highway patrol bike.
And I used to drive, I'm not proud of this at all, but I would drive blackout drunk.
One time I lost my motorcycle for about a week in Montreal.
And then I was walking by a gas station on St.
Laurent, Sherbrooke, and there's my bike.
Oh shit.
I guess I parked it at the gas station.
Wow.
But it's the same, by the way.
Motorcycle rider with the blood alcohol content of .08 in New York.
All right, you ready?
How are we doing for time?
Pretty good.
30 minutes in.
So this is from a guy who calls himself Jack Pancake.
He says, liberal outrage in Minnesota.
Is the outrage mob right this time?
And then he shows me an article that says Minnesota DNR to challenge appeals court ruling on renaming Lake Calhoun BDA BDA Maka Ska.
So they, they want to rename it BD Maka Ska?
Makaska?
No, it's those are two different words, Maka and Ska.
DNR Commissioner Sarah Sturman said the Waltz administration will teach them... The court held that only the legislature, not the DNR, can change a lake name that's been in use for more than 40 years.
Why do they want to change it?
You mentioned that people will put down and pick up controversy whenever they see fit, a la Robert Crumb.
Minnesota liberals are up in arms recently about the naming of a body of water known both as Lake Calhoun and Bede Makaska.
Sounds like a reggae band, right?
The lake was known by its original unpronounceable name up until the 19th century when the then secretary of war, John Calhoun, sent the army to survey the region and eventually took the name Calhoun Lake based on the maps made by their, man, this is a boring letter.
Yeah.
This is a real snoozefest.
I kind of like the brother who's a fag a lot more than this.
It was known as both names until the liberal outrage mob found a new voice after the clearly unrelated roof massacre in Charleston blah blah blah.
Now that the Minnesota Court of Appeals ruled last week, oh my Facebook is bursting with virtue signal outrage, however, they might have a point.
Calhoun was one of the most adamant proponents of slavery in U.S.
history and stoked the flames of the civil- blah blah blah blah blah.
No, the outrage mob doesn't have a point.
Stop changing history.
I don't give a shit if some statue said something rude 200 years ago.
We're taking down all these statues, removing everything because someone had a slave, someone said something rude.
Look, Beda Makaska is a ridiculous name.
It's not English.
It's hard to pronounce.
It's Calhoun Lake.
Stop renaming everything.
Stop trying to erase history.
It's so petty.
That's why Unite the Right had so many people, by the way, because they didn't sell it as a Nazi festival.
They sold it as a rally to protest taking down statues.
And then they slowly ramped up the alt-right stuff towards the very end and said, actually, we're going to have a bunch of tiki torches and say Jews will not replace us.
Some were already there when they found out what was going on.
A lot of people didn't participate in the march and didn't like the tiki torch thing.
That's what Trump said and that was twisted into Trump saying, I think the Nazis are really cool guys.
No.
So don't mess with history.
The only argument I've ever heard that I thought was pretty good because I was saying, um, don't take down this slavery guy.
Don't take down that.
It's part of our history.
We all overcame it together and we're all here together now.
And then someone said, okay, so can we have Hitler statues in Germany?
That's a pretty good point.
That's hard to imagine.
But man, we're so petrified of something like that, that we've swung the pendulum way too far the other way.
And I was quick to point out when that was brought up that Mao statues are all over China and he killed 80 million of them.
We're the only ones that are obsessed with correcting our history.
You can't go back in time.
Just accept it.
Wouldn't it be funny if you went back in time to kill Hitler as a baby and then your time machine broke and you spent the rest of your life in prison as a baby murderer?
Yeah.
That would stink.
That would suck.
Hi Gavin, I just wanted to share this with you.
It gives a little dimension to the whole Kate Smith, That's Why Dark Years Were Born thing.
Oh my God!
That timing is so serendipitous, you're likely to think that I planned this letter.
I swear to God, I was just thinking about Kate Smith.
That's the woman who sang a racist song a million years ago, and the Yankees stadium is no longer using her national anthem because she uttered a racist song once.
Um...
It was first done by black singer and activist Paul Robeson.
Paul Robeson.
Her version was done with the best intentions.
Considerably so, it being the 30s.
What kind of grammar is that?
Considerably so it being the 30s?
I can't read that sentence.
But really, I wish I had the power to swing back the track at Yankee Stadium during the National Anthem to Paul Robeson's That's Why Dark Years Were Born.
Wouldn't that be something?
So what he's saying here is that it was done sarcastically.
And if you hear the song, the lyrics are like, that's why darkies were born, who else could carry out the slop and who else could stink or something like that.
It's clearly a parody.
Let me look it up right now.
It's not like a serious song like, hey, I don't know if you know this, why darkies were born, but one of the reasons is because someone has to clean out the slop.
Someone had to pick the cotton.
Someone had to pick the corn.
Someone had to slave and be able to sing.
That's why darkies were born.
Someone had to laugh at trouble, though he was tired and worn.
Had to be contended with any old thing.
That's why darkies were born.
Sing when you're weary.
Sing when you're blue.
Yeah.
That's a positive thing.
Someone had to fight the devil, shout about Gabriel's horn.
Someone had to stoke the train.
That would bring God's children to green pastures.
That's why darkies were born.
That doesn't sound so bad.
Sounds very positive.
Most of this, like I heard Anthony Cumia talking about Howard Stern once.
He had a Klansman on his show when he had a TV show, and he had the Klansman order all the different groups in order of merit, and like gays were at the bottom, and blacks were there, and Jews, and the guy was wearing his Klansman uniform, and there was a black woman there, too, watching him do it.
Robin?
And Robin was also there, so two black women.
Oh, I see.
But now they're saying, why does Howard get away?
And, you know, Anthony understood this, too, but I'm just bringing him in.
Howard Stern's point was clear to lampoon racism.
He was clearly mocking the Klan.
But we're losing all this nuance because we are desperate to find Nazis because we want to prove that hate is everywhere.
And your hate has no home here sign doesn't mean anything if there's no hate.
So you say this person's hate and this song has hate in it.
So take it down.
Uh...
Kevin C has something to say.
On one of your recent podcasts, singular, you were talking about how after many years of fornicating with women as a single man, you decided to settle down.
In your opinion, how many women should a man spread his wild seeds on until he decides to select one to build a life with?
Also, how many charitable beddings of sub fives and fat chicks should a man take upon himself before he settles down and get married?
The reason I ask is that I believe practice would aid in the reduction of fat, ugly feminists, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Okay.
So ideally, You are a virgin when you get married and you marry your college sweetheart that you saved yourself for and she's the one and you guys learn about sex together from scratch and you start pumping out kids at a very young age, maybe 20.
And you make six kids.
That's ideal.
And you will, I've said this a billion times, you will never see a happier couple than two Catholics who got married early and had kids right away.
Now, we are living in a crazy time when even if you are in that situation, you propose to her, she'll say no.
Because she's been brainwashed into thinking she has to try a hundred dicks.
So that's the ideal is pretty rare, unfortunately.
So I would say if you can't get that ideal and you're living in a world where that's just not possible, like I think it's still possible in the South and parts of the Midwest, Texas, Florida, I don't really consider them the South, but you know, in the Northeast and Canada and stuff and Britain, it's pretty hard to pull that off.
So within the paradigm of not being able to settle down to your 25, I think variety is key.
I think you really gotta try different fruits.
And one good thing about sleeping around as a young man is, you're walking down the street and you go, I know what it's like to be with her, I know what it's like to be with her, I've been with a fatty, I've been with a black chick, I've been with a no-ass, I've been with a big-ass.
You know, you don't have the grasses greener because you've been on all the grass.
But the funny thing about settling down is You get these guys, they first get drunk when they're 14 and then they, uh, they decide like at 40, they're thinking about settling down.
Wait a minute, 14, 24, 34.
You've almost gone three decades.
How much decadence do you want to fit into your life?
Don't you get the idea?
Like your hangovers are starting to get bad in your mid thirties.
Why, and it's not like you can't party when you get married, but how much cocaine do you have to do?
How much beer do you have to drink?
How many threesomes do you have to have?
I think a decade of decadence is a hell of a lot.
So 10 years is pretty darn good, 14 to 24.
But in New York, being married at 24 would be insane.
Um, so my answer for that is, yeah, not a lot, not as much as we're doing.
I think, I think tens a ton.
Now I'm someone who's had been around the block quite a bit, and I, I didn't learn anything from it.
You know, David Letterman was recently saying his biggest regret in life is waiting so long to start a family, and I'm inclined to agree.
I can't possibly have any more kids, my wife's too old, And I only got three and I wish I had five.
I wish I had six.
You know what's a trip about kids, by the way?
They die.
Sort of.
Like my little Johnny now.
He's a funny guy and I love talking to him and stuff.
But there was this baby Johnny.
That you can see in the video, How to Fight a Baby, where he was this loud mouth little guy who couldn't talk, right?
He was only two.
And I'd just be taking a dump or something.
He'd walk.
We had one bathroom that doesn't have a lock.
It's a sliding door.
And he would just push open the sliding door and go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then walk out again.
And it's so weird that that kid is gone.
Or my middle child, he used to, he was kind of nerdy.
Now he's more of a jock.
He's kind of cool, but he wasn't cool when he was a little, little kid.
He was really into superheroes and making stuff, little arts and crafts stuff, like robot arms and stuff.
And he used to make up these sayings that he would say on a daily basis, like, the Bob Marley has begun.
Or scientists say, when you read a book to love, you just fall apart.
Or what'd you say?
I said, bow.
What'd you say?
Or he'd ask me, did you say bow?
I have no idea what any of this means, by the way.
What else would he say?
Badass means good ass.
You're laughing at me, not with me.
That was another one.
Some of these we would hear so much, I'd say, stop saying that!
But those are all gone.
That person is 100% gone.
It's not like he's sort of like that now.
And then there was another guy who would just have his little soother in his face and he wouldn't say a word and just stare at everyone.
Or my daughter!
When she was a little baby, she had a ponytail on the top of her head and she called Cookie Monster, Queena.
And she would take dumps in her diaper in my home office behind the door.
That was like her little spot.
That person is gone!
The Dora the Explorer girl, gone.
Now you get over it because you get a new kid, but it's almost like being a foster parent where you lose all these kids.
I can't look at pictures of them.
You know what's a trip by the way?
If you look at a picture or video of your kid from like four years before, it's like your modern kid now but was in a car accident and can't speak properly.
No one ever talks about that.
I miss the babies.
What happened to my little babies?
Oh my God.
Soon they're going to be soon.
My sons are gonna have mustaches and be like, Hey dad, what's up?
Do you need help changing this transmission?
Yes, I do.
Little guys.
That's if they're nice.
I mean, my little cousin at the latest family get-together, he tells my girlfriend, he's like, I mean, look at Ryan.
Who would be afraid of that?
Just look at him.
And I'm like, you little shit.
He was so nice before.
You should have shoved him.
I didn't hear him say that.
I was told that.
So he said that behind my back.
He's like, look at him.
He's never been in a fight.
Who would be afraid of that?
Wow, what a bitch.
I would have popped him one.
How old is he?
He's graduating high school this year.
Let's get in the Chevy Nova with ski masks on and baseball bats.
Go pay him a visit.
Wait, you do that and then I save him.
Great.
And then I spend the weekend in the tombs.
What's up Gavin and Ryan?
Just here to let you know your method of wearing shoes all day, even inside your own house, is dumb.
As I'm running out of room on my card, go against...
Go against your natural instinct and do not reference Jimmy McInnes's gross Chinese torture feet in your rebuttal.
Oh, okay.
Anyways, you mean to tell me you walk around shitty Manhattan streets, the world's most worn-out trail of shoes, tracking dog shit, vomit, spit, fucking rat shit, human shit, you bring all of that into your home where your kids inevitably walk around barefoot and then jump on the pillows with shitty city feet and sleep on them after?
Fuck you.
Oh, that guy's mean.
But have you noticed the grammar in a lot of these letters?
Anyways, you mean to tell me you walk around shitty Manhattan streets the world's most worn-out trail of shoes-tracking dog shit?
There should be a semicolon there.
Come on, guys.
Have you noticed this, by the way, with the goddamn dollar sign?
I'm sure I mentioned this before, but it's driving me insane.
This past year, the dollar sign has moved from before the number to after the number.
And intelligent people of not all ages, I would say under 35, Don't even know that the dollar sign goes before the number.
You wouldn't believe how often I see it on the wrong goddamn side.
It's infuriating.
Mandela effect.
Anyway, to answer your story, sir, you're not talking about me stepping on actual poo.
Because if I stepped on actual poo, I would feel it, I would see it, and I would smell it.
When you step on dog shit, it reeks up everywhere you go and you gotta leave your shoes outside and spray them down.
That's a big deal.
Stepping on actual poo.
Now if you're referring to like poo powder, like basically shit was there at some point, that powder just falls off.
Like when I walk from outside into my home, I'm not really tracking anything into the house.
There's no, all the powder of the dirt of the city has fallen off.
Now I think it's gross to wear flip-flops because inevitably there is a moment where you touch poo, or a syringe, or all kinds, or you just get filthy feet and we all have to look at your black toes.
But no, I don't track shit.
You're talking about microscopic amounts.
And my kids don't jump up and down on the pillows in my bed.
We have a Tempur-Pedic mattress.
And third, kids wear bare feet all over the place.
So the kids are bringing in probably more dog shit into the house than I am.
And they're putting it directly on my pillow.
I don't put my feet on the bed.
But I don't like the look of socks.
I used to hate that in parties in Canada, where everyone would show up, there'd be a big pile of shoes at the front, and you're trying to mack on a girl in socks.
It just doesn't work.
They look kind of cute in socks, unless they have like a dress on, and they just have like pantyhose with their stupid feet there with no shoes.
Like a whole dress that hinges around knee-high boots, and then the knee-high boots are off, so they're just like, they got those stupid nylon toes.
Um, but yeah, being a dude and hanging around a party in socks is just a bad look.
Sounds like the entire thing that you just said was a Cosby bit.
The poo is a poo powder, you see.
Falls off of the foot.
But the children's little feet, they step in the poo.
Then you can't talk to the girls when you got the socks on.
Because you don't feel cool.
So you drug them and then you rape their ass.
No woman wants to talk to a man in the socks.
It's just a mathematical fact.
Unless she's high.
Unless she's unconscious, though.
I think we're out of time, Ryguy.
I think so, too.
I would like to- Oh, wait.
Let's do one more.
I was on Face- This is Slacker Chief, he calls himself.
I was on Facebook on my page and made a post using the informative information... What?
Uh-oh.
Whoops.
And a pic of Ryan hosting your show from your Pepsi story from the last podcast.
I got a month-long ban for a Pepsi joke.
Also, here is a ban name.
Fecal Occult Blood Test.
So wait, what's going on here?
Holy shit.
That was crazy.
So you hosted my show?
Yeah.
With the Gavin McKenna Show?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Twice.
Oh.
You don't remember that.
So only you can see this post.
So he posted a picture of you reading the mail.
I remember that.
You did that for your stupid, give me money again.
Oh, no, no, no.
I did not do that.
And then he wrote for public with the picture.
He wrote, I didn't know that Pepsi could be used as a derogatory word towards French Canadians in bread, white trash.
I'll have to use it next time I see one.
So he got banned for that.
Wow.
Well, at least that's unique.
You're usually allowed to say whatever you want about white people.
That's crazy, man.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Alright, folks, that's it.
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