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Sept. 11, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
40:26
Get Off My Lawn Podcast #80 | I’m thinking about getting a jean jacket

I know it's September 11th but instead of talking about the most effective blow against the West in the history of warfare, I'd rather talk about Westfest where Proud Boys from all over the world go to Vegas to get wasted and fight. It was real fun but I drank so much I am doing this podcast with a hangover that could easily be in the Guinness Book of World Records. 

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I'm thinking about getting a jean jacket.
Am I too old?
Is half a century old too old for a jean jacket?
Not really.
Soccer hooligans, when you go to the UK to a Tommy Robertson rally, all those old chavs with the Fred Perrys and the Adidas, they got jean jackets.
Like, I'm trying to convince myself.
They got jean jackets.
It's okay.
I'll try it.
I'll tell you what, I'll try it.
I know you can't wear the Canadian tuxedo with the jeans and a jean jacket, especially at my age.
That's a given.
But people in the community, in the fashion community, the rules community, say you can only wear blue denim right up to 30 and then after, I think it's 55, but not in between 30 and 55.
Screw them rules.
But I kind of agree with them.
I hate those rules, but I kind of agree with them.
But I'll wear the odd blue jean, especially in the summer at a heatwave, blue jean shorts.
Anyway, I know, September 11th.
I don't really want to talk about it.
I did a whole podcast on it, you can dig that up.
If I was a good podcaster, I'd have already dug it up for you.
But, you know, there's not that many episodes, just scroll down.
I've also done a lot about 9-11 on my show.
I recently did a thing about how we said never forget, apparently we forgot.
We in New York should get a pass for Islamophobia.
We give Jews a pass when it comes to hating Germany.
They're allowed to hate them to this day.
Can I please be a little irrational when it comes to Islam when I saw two towers collapse right next to my house three miles away?
That's not as the crow flies either.
That's driving.
I could see it right there.
Felt like I could throw a golf ball at it.
Um, maybe if I had thrown a golf ball just with the perfect trajectory I could have hit the pilot's window.
Here's a terrible thought that I shouldn't be saying on this anniversary, but do you ever think, how did you guys hijack a plane with carpet cutters?
Could have this been a bystander's effect where we always think someone else is going to do it?
Could the success of those attacks be linked to this sort of passive mentality we're encouraged to have when it comes to violence, the fear of offending people?
Could- would it have happened in the 70s?
And I'd like to apologize, right now, for bringing up that notion on September 11th.
Sounds like I'm blaming the victims, and it's a fucking disgusting thing, but... That's the thing about wondering, you're allowed to wonder.
And, uh, it was an incredible attack on our soil.
I think it cost them ten grand.
We're still paying trillions to recover.
And, uh, it's a very sad fucking day, and I hate that people aren't more angry about it.
And I hate how people distance Islam from it.
But, that's a bummer podcast.
And, uh, I've got miles and miles and miles of things I've said about this day.
Including the guys I saw on the roof across from my friend's house going, yeah, bomb that shit, nigga!
So you can dig that up, but suffice to say it was a moment that polarized the world.
It politicized me and Anthony Comey and Pamela Geller and millions of other people, and it woke us up to the fact that Islam is different from other religions.
More importantly, I just flew in from Vegas and boy are my arms tired.
I just flew back from a Transformers convention and boy are my arms tires.
George W. Bush after Katrina, he just flew back from a tour around some of the damage and boy are his farms mired.
This is something Jay Johnson and the Mr. Show Guy Dino Sloppilopolis used to do a lot.
They would come up with variations.
One of the weirdest ones was, uh, I just came back from a pedophile convention and my arms are in buoys or something?
I forget what that one was, but it was like implying something about fisting buoys.
It was terrible.
A lot of them stank.
But the funny thing about that is they'd all be sitting on a table, not laughing, just staring at the table, sort of stroking their chins, going, I just can't, okay, I got it, I got it, I just came back, and then they would say whatever it was.
I don't think anything could beat the Transformers one.
Boy, are my arms tired.
Gilbert Gottfried has a great long bit about how he held Janis Joplin in his, I'm just slaughtering this joke, by the way, but he, He was a child of the 60s and he knew a lot of these people because he's in show business and he had Janis Joplin in his arms as she died.
He held her and he kissed her and he held her up and inevitably, you know, when someone's ODing, their fate is set.
And she slowly passed in his arms as he held her.
And he was also there for Jimi Hendrix.
He held him in his arms and watched him choking his own vomit.
Anyway, I just got back from the last days of the Jim Jones cult, and boy are my arms tired.
Anyway, he draws it out for much longer, and with that voice, it's a lot better.
But yeah, we have this thing called West Fest, which is kind of, it's linked to what I opened the show with because, or not the jean jacket, but the September 11th, because we choose to go to Vegas on September 11th, or the closest Saturday therein, and just fucking give her.
Just get hammered.
I got, uh, strep throat somehow.
I guess we were making out with a lot of hunks.
But that hurts.
It hurts to swallow.
I guess that comes from someone having strep throat, touching their mouth, shaking my hand.
I must have shooken, shaked, uh, uh, 500 hands that weekend.
But, um, God, what an ordeal it is.
I fucking hate traveling so much because I'm retarded at it.
And, uh, And New York is a mess.
So I flew down there, Friday night, I'm guest editing Penthouse Australia, and having not edited a magazine for 10 years, I forgot how much work it is.
So I fly down there, I want Mercedes Carrera to be the cover, and I want to mimic the Donald Trump Playboy cover, with me wearing a tuxedo and her wearing my jacket.
And then I wanted the inside.
I'd made the inside total 80s look, like my ideal women, which is the lace short ankle socks, high heel shoes, lace fingerless gloves, you know, sideways ponytails, all that shit.
All that accelerator girls, like from the ZZ Top video.
Legs!
I even brought my ghetto blaster I use on Get Off My Lawn, which weighs 900 pounds, and it took up all of my luggage.
So I had a giant suitcase that was 90% ghetto blaster with some socks littered around the edge.
And so I had to check a bag, which is crucial to this story.
So I got there so late that I couldn't find the Proud Boys.
Did I mention it's a Proud Boys convention?
Yeah.
Because around two o'clock the groups lose their cohesion and there's like five guys at this hotel, four guys at this hotel, blah blah blah blah.
I chose Milo.
Milo Yiannopoulos was there.
He was, we have an award for best black guy, best black it's called, and he was determined to win that.
In fact, He made a costume of dreads and a giant black crown, and made two big banners that he brought on stage with him that said, Congratulations to Milo for winning Best Black.
He didn't win Best Black, a black guy won Best Black.
Sorry Milo, it's not your show.
This is not your event.
But it doesn't matter.
You know, the fact that he brought all those banners and got the photos, then he essentially won as far as the history books will go.
Only the Ledgers will have the truth.
Um, so I got there too late, uh, ran on some errands, got some party favors, and, uh, I thought I might as well just stay at their house, the house where we're doing the shoot, because the shoot starts in the morning.
And it's Mark Randazza's house, who's the free speech attorney you may have heard of.
And so we go there.
We're partying.
Mercedes is with her husband.
They go to bed.
And I just hang out with the photographer.
He's a porn guy.
He's got tattoos all over his face.
He's a giant.
He looks like two bouncers taped together.
And we just talked all night.
It was fun.
Then we did the shoot in the morning.
But I'm an old man, so I'm beat at this point.
And by the time we had this dinner, everyone paid extra to have dinner with me and Roger Stone.
Roger Stone didn't show up.
He missed his flight.
And by the time I got to the actual meet, I was like hiding in the bathroom trying to barf.
I did a speech and everything, and it was derivative and uninspiring.
But these guys already have their own momentum.
They rented this huge venue that has a backyard with containers on it, and they had ladders to go to the top of the containers.
And when you stand there, people look up at you, and then Trump Tower is behind you.
It's a beautiful view.
Then they had another room with like sand kind of pebbles on it and just boxing gloves and guys would go there and fight.
I could have had a few good fights if I wasn't so wasted.
Not really wasted, but more just like beaten down.
I had a great time, by the way.
I'm not saying I didn't have a wonderful time, but I could have been way better.
I could have been like Braveheart at that thing and I was more like...
It's more of an Animal House-y kind of vibe, where there's otters saying, hey, I'm damn pleased to meet you.
And in retrospect, that's the way it should be.
It shouldn't be Gavifest, you know?
It shouldn't be everyone coming to hear me talk and me do stuff.
This thing should go on for years after I'm gone, and it should happen if I can't make it.
It's called WestFest.
It's about celebrating the West and celebrating everything that makes us great.
And we chose September 11th on purpose.
Because we're looking forward, and we're not... I don't like the fact that there's memorials.
Or, I shouldn't say that.
I think we overdo it with the memorials.
For example, with September 11th.
September 12th, start working on the new World Trade Center that's going to look exactly the same as the old World Trade Center.
So, ideally, this would have been my goal as president, if I was George W. Bush, My goal would have been for British people to think that September 11th never happened.
I would consider that a feather in my cap as president.
And there'd be a little plaque there and it would say, for the record on September 11th there were some Muslims who blew up some shit here and the towers were down for a little while, a few months, but they're back now so we don't need to dwell.
Look at the evidence.
Look at the footage.
You will notice when the first plane goes in, there's a plume of smoke before the plane hits.
That's the fucking explosion, mate.
All of that.
Notice the two planes look exactly the same.
It's the same plane.
It's CGI stock footage.
You get that from... Look, here it is.
It's called a 757.
There's the 757 you get in After Effects, in Adobe.
Yes, please.
Okay, you got me, I'd say.
And the fucking terrorists would be going, you cocksuckers!
We busted her ass on that!
It was an epic move!
But no, we had to spend 13 years and go, I don't know what it was, 13 billion over budget, to make something that looks like when you have a small gnat, a tiny black fly in your eye, and you make that tissue, you twist it at the top so you can really do like home surgery and pluck him off your eyeball.
That's what it looks like.
And I see it as a giant shrine to the time Islam attacked us on September 11th.
Nice work, guys.
I don't think they could have designed anything better themselves.
They would have had an ISIS flag and some Arabic on it or something, but I'm sure the Arabs are going, yes, that's pretty much what we're going for.
I don't know why I talk in a Pakistani accent, but I've traveled a lot, you know.
Now I'm the guy from, we got to move it, move it.
So the West Fest was sort of like saying, we'll never forget, but fuck them.
And it wasn't ignoring September 11th.
Obviously we chose that for a reason, but it was a way of saying, uh, we're here to enjoy everything that's great about being Westerners.
There's Canadians there and some weird guy, some Polish dude kept following me all night.
Kevin, can I have 30 seconds of your time?
Um, I go, no, no.
I just said, no, you can't.
He goes, they assassinated my father.
Okay, that sucks.
I don't want to get into it.
We're at a huge party.
There's beer everywhere.
And then there was chicks.
It's a dude's thing.
It's like the Shriners, Elks Lodge, Knights of Columbus.
It's a guy thing.
And these guys would still bring their chicks.
And it just adds this there's like 500 dudes and four or five chicks So obviously the guys start getting drunk and looming over them and it just and of course they appreciate it because they're getting this You know crazy attention from all these guys, but I don't know.
What are you doing here, dude?
You're making me horny put a burqa on You're distracting me.
Booj We did have to tell them to leave for the awards ceremony But let me just tell you about my trip And now, this is gonna bore you, but I find it fascinating, so fuck you.
This is sort of like when Lenny Bruce would read his court transcripts, assuming everyone was as interested in the minutiae of his life as he is.
So I get in the car, right?
And I try to take the train.
Taking the train to Newark in Jersey is the only way to go.
And New Yorkers, can I say something to you?
Newark is not an airport.
It's not.
It says New York City and all nearby airports, so that's JFK, LaGuardia, Newark.
Let's stop doing that.
There are two airports in New York.
JFK, LaGuardia.
That's it.
Newark is in fucking New Jersey.
Let's stop pretending.
And New Jersey sucks.
The only good thing about New Jersey is you can fart in the car and you don't have to take the blame.
Even the GPS hates Jersey.
The second you cross the Lincoln Tunnel or the Holland Tunnel, the GPS just goes, I don't fucking know.
This looks like a pile of spaghetti.
It's where factories go to dump sludge.
I know a lot of people in Jersey are thinking, fuck you.
Yeah, well, fuck you.
But the train cuts through all that shit.
So if you're gonna go to the Newark airport, I don't know why you're doing that, but just get on the train from Penn and you're at Newark station in milliseconds.
But I made the mistake of taking my fucking car.
Um, cause the trains were at eight in the morning and then like after my flight.
So I gave up on the train idea.
I didn't want to do a cab, because there were a hundred bucks there, a hundred bucks back, and parking is probably only a hundred bucks, so I'd save a hundred bucks there.
So I get in the car, and I give myself tons of time.
I give myself, like, an hour.
No, no, I give myself about an hour and a half.
As I'm getting through the traffic, you start seeing all these signs that say George Washington Bridge, 90 minutes.
I know this is boring, okay, but it gets better.
And so I start pooping my pants.
And I'm telling you this, by the way, not to amuse you, but so you don't make the same stupid mistakes.
So I go, an hour and a half just to get to the bridge.
The bridge is halfway there.
This is gonna be like a three-hour drive.
I'm not gonna fucking make it!
And so, in traffic, I go on Orbitz and I buy another ticket.
I know that sounds crazy, but last time I missed my flight- Last year, by the way, I missed my flight because I was just having nachos and beer and looking at my phone, checking Twitter, and I didn't notice an hour had gone by and they closed the door.
I was banging on the door.
I got some Indian guy.
Dude, can you... I go, my family's in there!
I was lying.
My family's in there.
They're gonna die.
And he... I was pleading so much.
I was pushing the security button at the gate because no one was at the gate anymore.
And, uh, I think he went down the runway and pretended to, like, talk to the pilot, but he was just sort of waiting around the corner.
And then, of course, you see the accordion retract from the plane door.
And you go, well, I don't really see them getting me on one of those, uh, mobile staircases, uh, like from Arrested Development and hiking me out to that door and then them opening it somewhere on the runway.
It's looking pretty bad.
And then that time I had to come all the way back home and take another flight.
So now we're adding up hours and hours.
So, to avoid all that, I thought, I'll buy a ticket as insurance.
So my flight was at 4.
The ticket was $7.30.
And so I go through all this shit.
I don't feel that stressed out now, even though I spent... The other ticket was like $350.
So, I blew $350.
That's not a very good feeling, but at least I had insurance and I wasn't totally screwed.
Then after the George Washington Bridge, Shit starts opening up.
So I fucking... There's a button on my car called Sport.
And it's not good for gas, but it's good for getting the job done.
So, I'm in a car commercial now, just... Overdrive, 4.9% financing, 5 liter engine, your local dealership... Pontiac builds excitement, and the gay-ass Waze keeps telling me to go off this highway, and I'm like, no, the 95 goes right to the door.
I'm good, thanks.
I'm not gonna get off this open highway and go through someone's backyard.
What is it with Waze?
Where you're driving along and you're in someone's...
Yard.
Is this saving one minute?
I'll stick to the highway, thanks.
Like, they took me off the 95 a few times in the Bronx, and I'm going through shitty Bronx traffic with rude pedestrians and people talking in double park.
How is that faster than even the shittiest traffic?
Plus, everyone else from Waze is with you on these dumb little Bronx streets.
God, the Bronx sucks.
It seems to be especially bad these past few weeks.
When I went away on vacation on that road trip, I came back and I had about 15 New York Posts.
And I'm just flipping through them and it's just, Bronx baby beaten to death.
Man, knocked out cold.
His pockets run through.
The fire in the Bronx kills 15.
Like, just Bronx, Bronx, Bronx.
Boogie down Bronx.
Boogied all the way down to hell.
So, um, ripping along, and now it's kind of looking good.
Now, if you have luggage to check and your flight's at 4, if you get it there at 3.15, you may make it, my friend.
Their cutoff is 45 mins.
*coughs* So I'm *coughs* And I'm pretty good with the old PBA cards and I have a cops badge from being friends with cops.
So if I get pulled over, I think I can talk my way out of it.
Maybe even get a police escort.
I have like a family member badge and all this shit.
So I'm not worried about getting pulled over.
ZING!
And there's no traffic.
So then I realize, alright, I can't park the fucking car.
That's gonna take too long.
Cause now it's 312.
And so I get there.
And I realize, I'll just park my car, and I'll grab my shit, and run, and do curbside checking, and then I'll go park the car.
And so I go screeching in, and I open the trunk, I grab the thing, and there's some bitch, like, these women who work these jobs with their oversized uniforms.
You know why your uniform looks ridiculous?
Because no one ever thought a woman would want this job, especially a five foot tall woman.
So she's out there trying to argue with cars, In her giant jacket where the fingers are barely peeking out of the top.
And she's got her big security vest on with her big orange axe and she's like, Sir!
Sir!
Sir!
Fuck off!
What are you gonna do, shoot me?
Go shoot me!
So I just ignore her and I put it on the thing.
There's an old black dude there.
And, uh, believe it or not, he doesn't give a shit about my plight.
Yeah, I know, I'm as shocked as you.
But, uh, he doesn't care if I live or die.
So he doesn't have the same kind of panic that I have.
Now that the time is exactly 3 motherfucking 15.
So, I slam it down and I go, did I make it?
Did I make it?
And I'm fucking drenched in sweat.
I honestly feel like I'm in a Mission Impossible movie.
I've been racing in and out of cars.
Dun, dun, dun.
I had to turn off the radio because I needed to concentrate.
And I slam it down and he goes, what's your name?
Okay, we're not even pronouncing our words now.
You're so unenthused that your mouth is at the dentist.
What's your name?
I go, uh, McInnes.
M-C-I-N-N-E-S.
Okay, mm-hmm.
First name?
And I go, Gavin, I'm here for the 4 o'clock.
3.59 actually, the 4 o'clock.
Actually, 3.59 means I had to check in at 3.14, so that's looking even worse.
So my armpits are just like swimming pools.
And so he goes, credit card?
I go, credit card!
I made it!
I made it!
And so I give him my credit card and he prints out my things, takes it, and I was also worried it was too heavy, the ghetto blaster.
Boomboxes, you Americans say.
And he just goes, here's your receipt, and then he grabs it.
Like, did your family just die?
Why are you acting like this?
You don't have to blow me when I show up, but maybe just be like, oh, okay, let me check, sir.
Ooh, you're cutting it close!
You know, have some fun in your- you chose the- both of those people chose the wrong job.
The fucking tiny little woman trying to argue with- with drivers who are at death's door, and then this old black dude who doesn't give a little shit about anyone.
So I go, we're not out of the woods yet, McInnes.
That's Hockey Night in Canada I'm doing as my action movie sounds.
So I grab my shit, my cards and everything.
I leave them in the bag.
I park in the most expensive parking, the short-term parking.
That's like 60 bucks a day.
Grab my stuff.
Don't even lock the car.
Run!
I'm running through the gates.
Run, run, run.
Another reason never to go to Newark is it's designed by a guy who's Williard Nillard.
His nickname is Willy Nilly.
That's a joke I also just stole from Jay Johnson.
Where it goes, best place for you to park, fourth floor, level four.
That's the closest to your gate.
Okay.
And then you get out there and it goes down three escalators to the ground floor and then up three escalators.
Yeah, so I could have gone on any floor, thanks.
Thanks, signs!
So I get there, and I'm running through security, and guess what happens?
I say to one of the guys at the security gate, I go, uh, I go, hey man, can I go to the front of the line?
My flight's boarding right now.
It's 3.30.
And he goes, let me see your pass.
I show him my boarding ticket, whatever.
I can't believe I'm forgetting the name of that.
Probably because I'm traumatized.
I have PTSD.
Let me see your gate paper!
And, uh, he goes, haha, I think you're good, man.
This black guy cared about my life.
At least enough to laugh.
And I grab it back from him, and I look and guess what it says, motherfuckers?
7.30.
Right on.
So screw me.
For not telling that dude at curbside check-in that I'd actually bought two tickets.
But screw him a little bit.
I'm going to give 78% of the blame to me.
But screw him, to the tune of 22, for not saying, hey man, you're freaking out about the 4 o'clock.
You've got plenty of time.
Your flight's not till 7.30.
To which I could have said, no, no, no, that's a flight I'd already given up on, but I think I might still make.
And then he probably would have said, no, you didn't make that one.
I'll cancel that for you.
Because when I came back, On Sunday, they go, you have no flights, sir.
And I go, pardonnez-moi.
Did you know this, folks?
If you don't make your flight and you don't register as cancelled and you buy another flight without asking, which I always do because inevitably when you go back to the gate and you talk to them and blah blah blah, they never give you a deal that's better than Orbitz.
They just go, okay, well, it'll be $400, you have to buy a new ticket.
And you go, thanks, bitch.
Why did I wait in line?
I could have just done this on my phone.
Um, but yeah, if you miss the first flight and it's not formally cancelled, they cancel your return!
So that's a $379 round trip down the drain, $350 for the 730 ticket, and then I had to buy a $400 ticket to come back.
What is that now?
$3.79?
So that's like $700?
$1,200?
And then the parking's another $120.
So it's like a $1,500 trip.
Not including the hotel.
Not to mention sitting on a plane for five hours.
Actually, I don't really mind that.
Because what I do is I pile back the Maker's Marks, which is also You know, 120 bucks.
You pile back the maker's marks for a five-hour flight.
Same with LA.
You sit on the plane, you pass out immediately, and then you wake up and you got about an hour to go.
It's pretty good.
And if you're next to some gigantic fat pig, you just use them as a pillow.
If you're sober and there's someone huge and fat next to you with their big fat arm that looks like a leg spilling out over onto your side of it, um, that sucks.
However, if you're drunk out of your mind, you're just like, oh, it's Big Hero 6 robot just crawled in next to me.
One time, There's a giant fatty and I just sort of snuggled up on him.
Just used him as a pillow.
Sorry man, but you ate up some of society's food.
Your debt to society should be human pillow.
So I cashed in our chips as a society and I used him as a human pillow.
And guess what?
I woke up at the end of the flight with a Chinese man next to me.
And I said, what the hell?
What are you doing here?
He said, oh, uh, um, hold on.
I was about to do Japanese.
No, I suck at accents today.
It's probably, I have strep throat from the trip, from the hangover.
I don't, I have no idea why.
But I'm on penicillin, and it's affecting my accents.
Anyway, the Chinese guy, I went to his accent, but he said, oh, man say he not want to sit here, so I take place.
And that's Japanese, but whatever.
And I guess what happened was, he said to the stewardess, this drunk ass won't stop sleeping on me.
Can I move?
And she probably asked around and said, Hey, um, this fat guy would like to move.
Anyone want to switch with him?
And the Chinese guy was like, I'll do it.
Why would you do that?
Like I understand if you're a good guy and it's like someone with their baby or something, but just a fat guy doesn't like being there.
That's weird.
Maybe he didn't understand it.
I don't know.
So the flying was an absolute nightmare, and then the hangover after not eating for three days and just drinking endless booze.
When you're 48, I'm actually getting kind of a panic attack just remembering it.
Sunday and Monday was unmitigated Guinness Book of World Records AIDS.
Where you're lying there in bed and you're in so much pain that all you can do is go... And to get up feels like hell on earth.
To stay there feels like hell on earth.
You go from hot to cold.
I think your body makes you hot to try to cook whatever.
Maybe I was trying to cook my strep throat.
And then you're shivering.
Like it really is.
It's like leaving Las Vegas.
Down and out in Las Vegas.
Oh God.
It was so bad.
And then I had to go to work on Monday.
Still brutally hungover.
Like I did that thing, you know when you're so hot you sort of crawl to the bathroom and lie on the tile floor?
And barfing is just, that's not gonna, you've gone way beyond barfing.
Barfing is for spoiled brats.
Barfing is heaven.
Oh, I have some food that I ate because I'm normal and I'm getting rid of it?
Easy peasy.
This is, this is like barfing is the last thing I'm gonna, because I haven't eaten in three days.
And so I went to New York yesterday, and I had a big day.
I was interviewing Ann Coulter, George Neumeier.
George Neumeier is this guy who did a book called Political Pope, and he's been at the forefront of investigating all these pedophile priests, which is way worse than you think.
According to him, this whole thing was a gay mafia, um, uh, takeover.
Where, like, my angle for it was, uh, priests, uh, they go, oh, you're gay?
Alright, be a priest.
And then it'll go, you can pray the gay away and you won't be gay.
And then inevitably they go, ah, I'm still horny.
But he goes, no, no, no.
It's gays saying, let's enter the Catholic Church.
It's a great place to take advantage of people.
Now, I don't know who's right, but his theory is pretty darn sinister about this sort of planned infiltration, the gay mafia, he calls it, who planned to do it in the 70s and have done it to the tunes of 10,000.
I know the books say 1,000.
I think the real number is more like 10,000 over the past 70 years, just in that one part of Pennsylvania.
Who knows what it's like in the whole of America?
And I don't know, man.
It makes me go... I chose Catholicism because it was just there.
I could have been anything.
Could have been Amish.
I'm a deist who thought, let's focus on one religion that will help us.
And Catholic Church seemed to be very open to criticism and open to science and stuff.
But this is a pretty big strike against you.
I mean, when I criticize Islam in Britain, I use the grooming gangs as the top example.
Terrorism is up there, too.
Now, the big difference obviously is that Muslims turn a blind eye to the grooming gangs in Britain and Catholics are fucking pissed about what we recently discovered.
We all were sort of under the impression it ended in the 80s.
Nope.
It has continued unabated.
Anyway, I had to talk to him.
And with Anne, it's hard to get Anne on your show.
And she only really comes out of hiding when she's got a book to promote.
So you want to be on with her, especially because she just wrote a book.
So every point that she's talking about is fresh in her mind.
Each chapter, she could talk about like it was yesterday.
She could probably do an audio version of her book without even picking it up.
And I've got to sit there and come up with stats.
Plus Anne is a total expert on the legislature and the house, and she's a lawyer.
And I'm a retard when it comes to that.
I don't even really know what the House is.
What is the House?
In Canada, I think it's when the left yells at the right.
The Liberals yell at the Tories in Britain.
Is that what we do in the House, Mr. Speaker?
What do you do?
You pass bills?
I don't care.
I have nothing but disdain for the government.
So when it comes to how they do their acts, it's like hearing how MS-13 plans their rapes.
It's not big on my priority list.
Anyway, so there's that and that, and then this other girl, Sarah al-Iraqiya, who is an ex-Muslim and has been writing a lot about what it's like to leave Islam and how evil she thinks it is, Islam.
So those are three pretty heady guests.
And I have the IQ of a fish and I'm sitting there on the train behind this couple, these tourists.
They're British and I can hear them nattering away.
And I didn't realize this until the end of the trip, but they've been talking a lot about, you know, they were kind of like Liverpudlian, and, oh, we're going to go to Central Park.
Yeah, that'll be good.
That was a terrible Liverpudlian.
I really, this penicillin is, hey, Ryan, don't do penicillin if you got a big day with impressions.
And then they stopped talking, and I realized, I think they thought I was masturbating.
Because I was behind them, and when I'm super hungover, all I can do is go... I think they thought I was beating off.
Just like at the guy's bald head and her sort of grey perm.
Oh yeah.
Oh, coming in from Liverpool.
You're all old and shit.
Yeah, you like that?
You got your little map.
You got some dates planned.
Oh yeah.
Gonna get lunch.
Oh yeah.
You're gonna go to a bunch of museums and shit.
Look at some nude ladies from the Renaissance era.
Oh yeah.
I must have said uh about 700 times.
Overall, it's been a very eventful couple of days, seven days.
I think I bit off more than I could chew, though, with this guest-editing Penthouse Australia.
I mean, I can think of a bunch of fun ideas, but, you know, the thing about a magazine or a newspaper is, when you're in the zone, it's like a well-oiled machine.
You're like, alright, ready?
Alright, you guys are gonna handle this thing, you're gonna handle that thing.
But when you start from scratch and you haven't done it in 10 years, it's just like getting the team together and everything and finding out who you can rely on and how you're going to pay them.
And are they going to pay a kill fee?
I mean, you know, the PGA work thing where the guide to everyone in the world, it's super harsh, really hard on us.
I've talked about on the show before, but I got Jim Go to do one.
He came up and he goes, but Australia is so PC that they're just going to kill it.
Can you give me a kill fee if they throw it out?
And then I called the guys in Australia and they go, we're not PC.
We're the last vestige of bribery in the Western world.
Another bad accent.
And, uh, I don't even know what's true anymore, but, but Jim's quite intelligent and he came up with a way to do it where, um, we don't have to worry about it getting killed.
And it is, uh, horrible ways some see different groups in society.
That's the worst phrasing ever.
But, uh, what not to call them, how not to see them.
Oh yeah, it was racial stereotypes.
We need to stop now.
And then once you set up that precept, of course, you can just go off.
And it's an homage to the P.J.
O'Rourke thing he did years ago in National Lampoon.
P.J.
was doing that, by the way.
He was sort of mocking racism.
That's what people don't get, too, about a lot of these things that are seemingly racist or homophobic, like when you say something is gay.
You're mocking that.
You're mocking homophobia.
And they're taking away mockery and they're taking away fun.
But P.J.
O'Rourke was doing that because he had horrible things to say about Africans.
He's like, they're not even really people.
But, and it sounds shocking.
And then you read what he says about Canadians and Australians and it's even worse.
And you realize how brainwashed you are when it comes to any criticism of black people.
Where you can, you read something horrible about a group of white people and you just go, haha, that's funny, they are fucking corny.
And then you read something about a group of black people that's exactly the same.
Same tone.
Maybe even a little less.
And you just go, that's really fucked up.
That's not funny, dude.
No way, Jose.
You know, this is off topic, but I was reading Robin Quiver's autobiography recently, and she gets real sort of anti-white about halfway through.
It's her autobiography, so it's halfway through her life, halfway through the book.
And I'm reading about her childhood, and it could not have been worse.
Raped by her dad.
Beaten by her mother, and then, this was actually kind of cool of her parents I guess, but they needed extra money so they'd take in foster children.
And they'd raise them for a couple years, sometimes four years from birth, and then the kids would get, you know, taken by someone else now that they're nice and cute and don't poo their pants.
Um, but that must be brutal on a young lady.
She's like 12, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14.
Falling in love with these little kids.
Like, changing their diapers, holding them.
I could almost cry talking about it.
Like, they're falling asleep on her, on her chest.
She's putting them to bed, kissing them on the forehead, and then, poof, they're gone.
Like, imagine, so, I think you're, you know, obviously 14-year-olds shouldn't be having babies, but they do have menstrual cycles, so there are some maternal instincts in there.
And to be having this woman be this maternal loving mom and just like, that's enough love.
Give me that baby back again and again and again.
That's a form of abuse.
Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't be a foster parent.
So maybe it was inevitable that she had to, you know, go through that.
But take all the circumstances out of it and just go solely from Robin's perspective.
That is fucking brutal.
That's brutal.
Dude, it's brutal.
So she's got a mother and a father don't love her.
She only loves she's getting us from little babies that are ripped from her womb.
Not ripped from her womb.
Ripped from her whatever.
Her arms.
And she has sort of this Malcolm X moment in college where some girl that she knew her whole life was with this group of sorority in crowd girls and she saw Robin and just walked by her.
Ignored her.
Wasn't interested.
And from that day forward, she thought, fuck white people.
They're all liars.
They're all evil.
Black power.
I can't trust them.
I love... She became obsessed with Muhammad Ali.
I think she still is.
She has a picture of him in every room.
I just thought, you can take so much abuse from black people, but one white person does something kind of wrong.
And you're... Maybe the white girl hadn't been to LensCrafters and couldn't see Robin.
Robin is quite dark.
And she didn't have her glasses that day.
It could be that simple.
But to just turn on all white people because of that one thing, I don't know.
Seemed kind of weird.
All right, we're running out of time here.
It was, WestFest was fucking awesome.
I regret that I didn't get to talk to more people, though.
Like Milo, I never get to see.
I did talk to Chadwick Moore a little bit.
He's a great guy.
Uh oh, I'm recording this podcast at home and I can hear my wife screaming at the kids.
You know, I can tell when I've been away for a few days, her yelling more.
So even in the three days that I've been away, the disciplinarian has been gone and she's had to raise her voice.
Normally, if she hears, if I hear that's enough, I come upstairs or downstairs and dole out the authority and they stop doing what they're doing.
But even in the three days my wife was a single mom, I can see a difference in this household.
Weird, huh?
We've got a fun show for you.
Tonight is the Ann Coulter interview that I was moaning through.
She's brilliant as per usual.
Very didactic figure.
I mean, I have to pick her up at her house, bring her right to the door.
You know, if we go out, there's going to be a fight.
It wasn't like that even a year ago.
We would go out and she would usually get compliments and stuff, but no real blowback.
But now her or I, Milo, if we all had a drink.
I was saying to her the other day, we're like gays in the 50s.
Like we have to meet in secret locations.
Not just me and Anne.
If you wear a MAGA hat in New York, you're gay in the 1950s.
We should have our own, what's it called, White Wall.
That big march they had in 1969 in New York.
Anyway, so that's tonight.
CRTV Tonight is this Friday, where we've got a ton of fascinating guests.
I forgot who.
They told me, but I didn't write it down.
I was wasted.
God, what would man let my life be like without booze?
I've always said booze has been there for the worst decisions in my life, but it's also been there for the best decisions in my life.
It's never been there for the mediocre stuff.
I guess my life would be a lot more mediocre without it.
And I will have another podcast for you on Friday.
I like you more than a friend and say hi to Twitter for me.
I kind of miss you, but I'm kind of happy you're not swallowing up hours and hours of my time.
It's amazing how much you get done when you get booted off of Twitter.
I'm going to be talking about that on Bill Schultz's show on Compound tomorrow.
I believe it's called A Morning.
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