Get Off My Lawn Podcast #58 | Ladies, it's not the jocks you have to watch out for, it's the nerds
Like you, I grew up assuming all jocks were date rapers and all beta-male, feminist ally, stand-up comedians were good people with a heart of gold. Turns out, the opposite is true. It appears nerds such as Chris Hardwick are the ones abusing women while the alpha male jokes are washing the barf off of drunk girls and carefully tucking them in. At the end, we discuss SaveTommy.com and how important it is to pitch in.
Ladies, it's not the jocks you have to watch out for.
It's the nerds.
And this took me a long time to figure out.
We used to say date raping jocks.
That was just a phrase we used in high school and college.
It was just an accepted thing.
You know, those jocks that date rape everyone.
And then I meet them and I go, wait a minute, why are you guys raping people?
You should be raping.
Conversely, There'll be some guy in a brown cardigan who, you know, does a fucking indie rock show.
And, uh, I'll say, what is, uh, why is everyone being weird around him?
Oh, uh, he sort of, there's a thing going around where Angela passed out at his house and, uh, he kind of fucked her while she was passed out.
And she woke up really mad because she kind of figured it out.
She loosely had an idea and now her ex-boyfriend wants to kill kindergarten.
Yeah, a lot of these kindergarten kids are rapists.
You wouldn't know it.
They seem trustworthy, but they're not.
No, cardigan kids.
I knew this dude, a gorgeous hunk, and him and his other gorgeous hunk friend were being hit on by this drunk chick at a bar.
And I think a lot of these girls, they feel like they have to have a threesome.
I don't think girls really want a threesome, but it's something you're supposed to have under your belt.
Even dudes' threesomes are sort of like, the actual act is kind of laborious.
I always describe it as you have a clipboard there and you're hosting a party and you've got your little headphones with the earpiece and the mouthpiece there.
And you're like running a fashion show like that.
Is everyone okay over here?
How we doing over here?
Alright, let's tend to these.
And then you over here, how we doing?
Okay.
Everyone taken care of?
It's like being a good host.
And hosting is fun in the sense that when you're done, people go, that was a great party.
You have the best parties.
But you yourself, you didn't actually enjoy the party.
And part of hosting a good party is you hope you'll get invited to one of their fun parties where you can relax.
I noticed that, by the way, with Canadians and Scots and English.
Europeans and Canadians are much better at the reciprocal hosting.
Americans, it tends to be a one-way street with hosting.
Actually, you know, Canadians aren't great at it either, come to think of it.
My parents were always hosting parties at their house, to the point of I would have to bang on the door and say, shut the fuck up, I have school tomorrow!
But, they went to less parties than they had at their house.
I think a lot of North Americans sort of go, oh, you're a party house, okay, well we have the parties at your house then, that's what you like.
No!
I don't like threesomes.
I want to be invited to a threesome where I lie on my back.
No, but as a man, if it's two chicks, you can never lie there.
You have to get involved.
Anyway.
So yeah, girls don't really like threesomes.
They just, it's something they're supposed to do.
So they see two hunks and they sort of go, well, well, I've been liberated from the kitchen, so I better be a whore.
And, uh, so she took them back home and girls get nervous, which is God's way of saying you probably shouldn't be doing this.
And so she piles back the wine and she gets Hammered.
And she ends up projectile vomiting all over the place.
All over her bathroom and all over the living room.
So the two hunks, they clean her up, put her in the shower, nude.
Washer, she's just like, I'm so sorry, I'm such a loser.
Washer, washer.
Oh yeah, she barfed all over her bed too, so they get her sheets, they put them in a garbage bag.
She didn't have a washer dryer.
And then they throw her on her mattress with like another sheet and they put a bucket there and they say, you okay?
Yeah, they leave her some water and they leave.
And that's what usually happens with these guys.
They're good boys, hunks.
Because they've been getting laid their whole lives.
Now, I'm ugly, but I was gorgeous.
And I did pretty well in my heyday.
And I'm not a rapist.
Rapists are nerds, like Robert Crumb, who were totally ignored.
Actually, worse than ignored, they were vilified.
Women looked at them with contempt.
Robert Crumb, when he walked by girls in high school, they would shudder.
So when he became famous, his attitude was, oh, I'm famous now?
Now you want me you and he would just punish woman and cheat on them and and ride them like I mean he he's kind of a weird exception because I don't think he's a rapist and I don't think he you know ruined woman's lives but he was definitely all about revenge now in other relationships especially with these cool allies these stand-up comedians it seems super cool and hey guys I'm a total nerd Or, you know, Marc Maron's whole shtick about, oh my god, I'm so fucked up.
You don't even know.
And they use that as a shtick to fuck a bunch of 20-year-olds, I'm convinced.
So, you get an intern, right?
They all have brown cardigans on and desert boots.
And little beards.
Like me.
And they bang this 22-year-old, even though they're 48, and then they get bored of her, as one does, because after the sex, you have a conversation and you realize they have no idea who the Fonz is.
Because then they have to get rid of her.
And they do this whole, like, oh, I'm so messed up.
I believe that's what Marc Maron does.
Now, these other comedians, these younger guys, they can't use the, I'm so fucked up.
So they're just Nazis.
They're just like, they abuse women.
And they want revenge for all the sex they didn't get in high school.
So, we've been sort of brainwashed.
There's a total reversal there.
It's like Sixteen Candles, is it, with Ducky?
You know the guy from Two and a Half Men?
In that movie, he's this cute, weird guy with orange Chuck Taylors on and a funny hat with a feather in it like Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Jr.
High.
And we're raised to go, that's the nice guy.
He's your ally.
He's your cool friend.
And then the jocks show up and they have blonde hair and they have a letterman shirt, you know, like the shirt with the cardigan with the letter on it.
And they're like, let's get some chicks.
I want to fry some pigs.
Let's spit roast some fat pigs and then throw them in the garbage where they belong.
And that's why that chick Sabrina Erdely ran to Virginia Tech when she heard about the rape there.
Because she thought, oh good, I can nail some of these blonde jock date raping pigs.
And she gets the story that they threw her through a glass coffee table and then raped her in the piles of shards.
And instead of going, wouldn't that be a...
Pretty bloody scenario?
Wouldn't the room just be like a quarter inch thick of blood?
I've never raped anyone on a pile of blood with five other guys, a pile of glass, but I'd imagine every single person there has 32 cuts.
All bleeding like crazy because you've been drinking and you're sweating and working out during your raping, so I would imagine it just looks like something out of Carrie.
But it was all, of course, all false.
And now that I'm a half century old, I keep hearing about these cases and I go, wait a minute.
You framed the hunks.
You framed the Duke Lacrosse guys.
And I wasn't a jock growing up.
I was a punk rocker.
So we hated the jocks.
They were the...
Sellouts.
The mainstream losers, man.
That we followed all the movies like Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
And we liked the Jeff Spicolis, dude.
We liked the Outkast.
When I was a kid, there was a show called, uh, Square Pegs?
And, uh, in that show, The weirdos are the new wavers.
They're kind of the in crowd.
And that was sort of the culture in the 80s, was weirdos are the cool guys.
And Nirvana, Kurt Cobain with his cardigan, he's the weird loser on that song, I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
Or Beck with his, I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?
And it was actually mainstream to be an outcast.
And the mainstream guys, the Sean Hannity's, were seen as Buffoons.
And probably rapists.
But now that I'm old, I'm realizing, no, no, no, that's the reverse.
Actually, I just contradicted myself.
Because if these outcasts were cool, then they weren't getting pussy.
But they were getting pussy in school, so Gavin, you just said that the reason they're dicks when they get older is because they want revenge.
Well, maybe the solution is, it's considered cool to be a nerd, but there's no sexual excitement there.
So though everyone likes Ducky in Sixteen Candles, who does the redhead want to bone?
She doesn't want to fucky-ducky.
She wants to be with the Letterman guy.
And I noticed that as a kid, as an anarchist, feminist, activist.
Penny was this big girl in the Montreal anarcho scene.
And at the end of our anarchist un-gatherings, because you can't say gathering, it's like Tofurky, right?
Everything is not the thing.
She'd get picked up by some biker on his motorbike who would drive away.
He didn't give a shit about her gay, fuckin' anarchist politics.
So, I'm not contradicting myself.
They were considered the good people, but they weren't getting laid.
And then they get famous, and they get laid.
Now this is just coming out, and you have to be very careful how you phrase this, uh, in some hot goss.
Remember, remember, Chris Hardwick, right?
Still going strong.
I hated this guy from the second I saw him.
He did a show called The Nerdist.
And after midnight, remember this guy?
And he's all like, I'm a total nerd, you guys!
It's like the Marin thing.
I'm so fucked up.
Oh, let me fuck you and then leave.
And I'll just scratch my head and go, classic me.
I'm such a nerd.
Get drunk and fall asleep next to me.
I'm the guy.
So there's this insanely hot chick named Chloe Dykstra, also known as Skyfart, I believe.
She farts in planes a lot?
No, Skydart.
I don't know this cosplay stuff.
I fucking hate it, to be honest.
I hate that grown men play video games.
I hate that grown men wear Batman shirts and know about Wolverine's origins.
I hate that we go to a kids movie, I take my kids to fucking The Avengers and we're only, children and families are only 25% of the audience.
75% are adults going, alright I hope you can fly and punch the bad guy in the head and then wrap him in his cape and say leave me alone jerk and then save the day.
God damn it.
It's embarrassing.
We went from watching, like, intellectual Woody Allen movies in the 80s to fucking superheroes?
And then going home and playing a game where you're Spider-Man for eight hours?
Spider-Man was invented for ugly nerd losers, like the ones I was just talking about, who feel terrible.
Ugly nerd loser kids.
Under 9.
Superman, Spider-Man, all that shit, and video games, it's for, well not video games, video games go to 14 until you get horny.
But superheroes are for under 9 year old wimps who want to fantasize about beating up that evil date raping jock.
And then you go home and you pick up your comic and you go, oh yeah?
Well I'm actually Peter Parker, and I let you beat me up because I didn't want to kill you.
And that makes him feel better.
Okay, fine.
Let the beta males feel better about themselves for a bit.
But grown men?
The new Wolverine sucks, man.
Why did he shack up with Jennifer when she slept with Batman in the last series?
I want him to start a new family with Krypton on.
And they can live in fucking Irrigad on the planet of Thorgon with Thor.
Fucking Ragnarok.
Jesus Christ!
It's like, what's his name, Bob Levy says on Anthony Cumia's show, are you gonna see the new Star Wars?
And he goes, no, what the fuck, what am I, ten?
The new Star Wars sucks!
Oh yeah, did you hate Dora the Explorer this year?
Did Swiper No Swiping get up to too much mischief?
Do you not like the guy playing Barney the Dinosaur this year?
Is he pissing you off?
Fuck, I don't even think you should be reading fiction.
I feel gay when I read fiction.
Or even, I'll tell you what, I don't even like autobiographies.
I feel queer reading about a guy and then he went to Harvard for five years where he fell in love with a woman named Penelope.
And those two were destined to be together until she met Mark.
So he went off to war.
And you're like, I want to go make history and do stuff.
I don't want to read about another guy and sit there like his damsel in distress reading about how awesome his accomplishments are.
But anyway, Chris Hardwick's all about that, right?
I have a show called The Talking Dead where I talk about The Walking Dead and how awesome it is.
So he finally gets this hot chick who is into cosplay and Dungeons and Dragons, which just smells like a myth to me, that hot girls are into Dungeons and Dragons.
Dungeons and Dragons are an escape, like Spider-Man, where you pretend that there's a mythical world where you can roll a 15-sided die and all of a sudden you're not a loser anymore.
And I remember, by the way, Going through these phases, like, I remember being the nine-year-old who's into superheroes.
It was Judge Dredd when I was a kid.
And then you start getting into, like, video games and Atari and GORF and, you know, Space Invaders.
So then it's at the arcade.
But you'd look back and you'd see guys still playing, reading comic books and playing Dungeons and Dragons and Star Wars.
So you'd see, say you're 11, you'd see another 11-year-old playing with a bunch of nine-year-olds.
And he was usually super tall and fat.
And I remember my heart, my little heart, breaking.
Seeing this poor bastard not coming up to the next stage.
It's kind of like my friends in the early 2000s who were like, we do coke and heroin, yeah!
And then you get married and have kids and you look back and they're like, hey, do you have any coke?
Uh, no, dude.
I'm in the suburbs.
I'm at my kid's baseball game.
Oh, okay, because we're going to go see Death in Charge at Mercury Lounge.
Is it at 7 p.m.?
Because I don't want to be out too late.
I've moved on to the next phase.
And we keep having this stunted growth that starts at a very young age and goes throughout.
And then even with the video games, we had arcades when I was young.
And you go to the arcade and you're putting- throwing quarters in there and you're competing and stuff and trying to get the high score.
And then all of a sudden your dick goes, Hey dude, I got a better game.
It's called Tits.
And you're like, Goodbye, Galactica!
Goodbye, Berserker!
Goodbye, Caterpillar!
I am about to crawl all over this naked lady who, of course, Doesn't let you, it takes six hours of necking until you can touch a third of one tit.
Jesus, ladies!
You really made it difficult in 1987, 86, 85 for me to get anything.
And who the fuck has six hours of foreplay?
We would make out with chicks, Frenching we called it, until you'd have a chap, you'd look like something out of the Star Wars bar.
The cafeteria, you were like, asshole face.
Your whole lips would be bright red and swollen, and plus you had her lipstick and her lip gloss on.
Um, from just going, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam.
And so, you'd be into it for a bit.
You'd go, I can get into this.
I'm gonna be Frenching.
I'm a Frencher.
And then, you know, an hour in, you're like, alright, let's ramp it up here.
Uh, I can smash coconuts with this thing.
Let's uh, let me do a tit thing.
Nope.
Okay, back to necking.
Maybe I'll check in once an hour.
That's six times.
We'll listen to Stairway to Heaven 40 times.
And I'd see those guys that were still at the arcade going back.
Anyway, that became normalized, and now it's hip to be a wrinkled teenager, to be a perpetual adolescent.
And Chris Hardwick was one of those guys.
And they just come across as total phonies to me.
And I was on Fox News talking about Neil deGrasse Tyson, who I've since become pals with, sort of.
I've hung out with him a couple times.
And I never really hated Neil.
I hated his fans.
And I heard Chris Hardwick on a podcast go, you know, when Neil deGrasse Tyson walks into the room, just his energy, it just it just changes the climate of the room completely.
I mean, you really feel like you're you're with a presence.
And I'm thinking, He doesn't have that many published papers.
There's so many astronomers that are more accomplished than him.
So what's really going on here, and you don't see this as much in Canada as you do in America, but this sycophantic worship of black people who fill the white liberal role.
So they want all black people to be scientists, and black people tend not to be, but when one does, they go, good boy!
Good boy!
And they want to give him a treat.
And then they also say, if you don't like him, you're racist because you don't want blacks to be scientists.
I can't remember who accused me of that.
I think it might have been Bill Maher.
Someone who said, uh, do you think these people that are mad at you, they resent that you're black?
Yeah.
Racists hate when black people study hard, stay with a family that's together, and then make their own family that stays together and raise kids and love them and stay out of trouble and discover things for science.
Oh, yeah.
Everyone hates that.
We go, ooh, I wanted you to fail.
Infuriating belief.
But anyway, so Chris Hardwick was that kind of guy, and I said, I said back then, I go, this is the kind of guy that's a douche.
And it's not just a Neil deGrasse Tyson thing, which smells of racism, by the way.
When you lick a black scientist's ass, it's because he's black.
And isn't that the same as not liking someone because they're black?
It's like Obama.
You elected him because he's black.
That's racist.
You're making a decision based on race.
Vote for Hillary because she's a woman.
That's sexist!
Half the population has the same genitalia as her.
I vote for genitalia now?
Vote for President Penis.
We almost didn't get Trump as president because he mentioned a vagina in a seemingly negative light.
It's genitalia elections.
Welcome to the genitalia elections!
It's penis versus vagina.
What do you have?
I have a vagina.
Well you'll be in this line.
What do you have?
I have a penis but I identify as a woman.
Well you go in the vagina line.
I just saw a guy in the news said, he gave birth, he breastfed, and now he wants his son to see him as a man.
You mean she gave birth, she breastfed, and now she wants her son.
She's got these horrific scars where her tits used to be, and belly hair from all the pills she's taking, and she's holding this poor boy.
Who, by the way, this is a common thing I've noticed with all these people that are self-righteous about parenting and how, you know, parents need to understand that I'm actually a great parent.
They're never great parents.
Like, you see these videos about, pitbulls are not dangerous, I'm actually a great parent.
Look, here is my son asleep on my pitbull in the middle of the afternoon.
And you go, okay, you didn't just prove that pitbulls are nice by having one that didn't eat a kid once.
But also, your son's not meant to be napping on a dog in the middle of the day.
If your son is still at the napping age, he should be in his crib at his designated sleep time.
My kids never fell asleep on the carpet.
They had their nap time, and it was like 12 to 2 or whatever it was, and they would be in their crib.
They never slept not in their areas.
In this case, there was an example.
The kid wasn't napping on a dog, but he had a wood bead choker on, like some fucking Buddhist bullshit, around his neck.
You don't put necklaces on babies, you dunce!
That's how they get tangled up and they get choked to death.
No, but it's all about me.
It's all about my tits I used to have.
Anyway, I'm really dragging this out.
So, Chloe Dixtra Has come out seemingly accusing, and you'll notice all the headlines, they say, did Skydart just out an abusive relationship with Chris Hardwick?
Question mark?
So allegedly, in huge all caps, she's been listing this abusive relationship she had where he was so mean to her, he'd keep her locked up in a hotel, tell her that she couldn't talk in public.
Uh, prevent her from drinking, made her ex all her friends, like a Scientologist.
She would have to stay at hotels while he went out partying and got girls numbers.
And then he would, he would have sex with her no matter what she was doing.
And if she didn't feel like it, she should just lie there.
Called it starfishing, I believe.
And, uh, she became anorexic.
She got these, what are they called?
Hysterical pregnancies?
Echnomonical?
Echionic pregnancies?
This weird pregnancy you get where your body thinks you're pregnant, because I guess it's under such stress, but it's not, so it just develops a tumor.
I think women can give birth, by the way, to their own baby.
You ever heard about this?
It just does what a baby can make, which is teeth, hair, fat, and I think no bone.
So you push out this Horror movie lump with a tooth sticking out of it and five hairs So I guess she had those I guess Chris Hardwick has has mutant babies with teeth and three hairs It's it's listed as a tumor So she was so stressed out.
She got those she almost died From that she she had oh when she had one of these According to her when she had one of these surgeries where they took out the tumor I He slept on a cot at the base of her bed.
She thought, that's nice.
And her mother was there too.
And then the doctor came in and goes, we're good.
We removed your weird baby lump.
And the mother goes, oh good.
When can she walk again?
And then Chris allegedly said, when can I have sex with her again?
What a catch.
And I'm sorry to read about an abusive relationship and all the details about it, including recordings she has in case he wants to sue her, etc, etc.
But there's nothing that feels better than I told you so.
And I gotta admit, when I first came up with this concept that the date raping jocks are the good guys and the beta male feminist allies who write about gay rights and they're straight and want to help people allegedly in their Salon Huffington Post, Maclean's, Guardian magazines, it seemed like a radical theory.
But I'm right, and I just keep getting proof right, and I gotta tell you, it feels weird to read an article about a woman being abused and to feel so good reading it.
Like the worse she was abused, the better I feel, because I fucking called it.
Yeah, she wasn't allowed to go anywhere at night.
This is again, just her allegations.
He had a busy schedule.
No male friends.
He was sober, so she's not allowed to drink alcohol.
I was not to speak, this is her talking in this letter, in this essay she put up.
I was not to speak in public places, elevators, cars with drivers, restaurants where tables were too close, as he believed that people recognized him and were listening to our conversations.
Our dinners out were usually silent.
Him on his phone.
The end.
Pretty golden, huh?
Now, I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking, Gav, you're a hypocrite.
Because Cale Hartman's exes did the same to him and put up a picture of one of them with bruised legs.
She's now a co-producer on Artie Lang's show.
I forget her name.
And Cale Hartman lost his job, lost his career, gets kicked out of comedy clubs to this day, has become a total pariah.
Every time he's gone, you're worried he's dead.
Don't look up Artie Lange, Dunst.
I know, look up Kale Hartman Rape, whatever.
He looks up Artie Lange's Twitter.
Then you'd have to go through the show and parse through that.
Anyway, well, the reason that I sound like a hypocrite now is one, I know Kale.
I know he's innocent, and I know that he would love for her to go to court and to name him, but she just did it as innuendo and fried his life.
What's her name?
Yeah, that's it.
Beth Stellings?
Yeah, Beth Stellings.
Why would she lie?
I don't know.
If you look at her Google results, she was a nobody before she made up this story, and then she became massive.
Now, made up this story, It's hard to say, because she's had an abusive relationship.
Her legs were covered in bruises.
Kale's story, which he's made public, is they were horsing around.
Things got crazy.
She was drunk.
She started kicking at him.
He was trying to hold her legs down.
She's a great kicker, because she took field hockey.
And when you fight with your girlfriend, they end up with bruises all over their legs.
It wasn't like, get me some, cook me some fucking eggs, woman!
Oh, crashing.
Yeah, sorry.
Not the Artie Lange Show.
Crashing.
Right, he's on the show.
So she got a great career out of it and he lost a career out of it.
So this sounds very similar, does it not?
Yes, but one, I have intimate knowledge of the Cale thing, and I know he's innocent, and I think her boyfriend was named Sam Morrill, and he's the one who outed Cale, and Cale, like, whenever he gets drunk, he tries to find Sam to kill him, and then all these other comedians go, Yo, what's with your boy, Cale?
That's fucked up.
And I go, I don't know, when you ruin someone's life, you gotta be ready for the person whose life you ruin to be stalking you.
Or at least want to kick your ass.
That's the thing about these millennial beta male comedian pussies is they just ruin someone's life, sabotage them somewhere like on digital media, and then when there's ramifications they go, what the fuck?
You see it at rallies too.
Someone shoves someone, they get shoved back and they go, that's assault!
Police!
Police!
Or those kids at that bar in New York who were harassing that gang, not gang, sorry, but group of oi and punk enthusiasts, ex-skinhead guys, not racist guys, called 2-1-1.
They went over to them, 2-11, and they were recording them with their phones.
So they could dox them and out them as Nazis, which they're not, and ruin their lives and get them fired.
And by the way, these are rich Columbia grad students doing it, and they're trying to dox these blue-collar dudes who, if they lose their money, they lose their mortgages, they lose their jobs, they can't pay for their kids.
Like, they're steamworkers and steamfitters and stuff.
And as these kids do this, they have a sticker on their phone that says Antifa.
So it's like, hi, I'm here to ruin your life.
So they get, as the 211 boys call, they get tuned up.
And they instantly go to the police, go to the New York Post, tell us stories about Nazis beat us up because we had a sticker on our phone.
They weren't Nazis and they beat you up because you were trying to ruin their lives and you were being remarkably obtuse about it.
Anyway, so let me address this apparent hypocrisy.
This woman claims to have evidence.
I hate Chris Hardwick.
And here's the big picture.
I'm a hypocrite now.
I play Dirty Pool.
I take all the wins I can get and pit them against all the losses I have to endure.
These guys aren't playing fair.
I'm sleeping in a car with a shotgun.
I'm checking the cameras that surround my home for intruders.
I'm hiding my kids' names.
And I'm taking it, by the way.
I'm watching my friends go to jail.
We got Trigger Tommy getting attacked by Antifa.
He's got to slash them with knives.
I got another guy facing charges for a knife attack.
I got a buddy in Ottawa who got attacked by a Palestinian man getting charged with hate crimes and it seems, it appears, the prosecution is more in bed with the media than his own defense attorneys.
I'm spending half the day on my phone with lawyers trying to get my buddies out of prison while these cucks, these betas, sit at home and tweet away allegations that ruin people's lives.
And they don't expect any ramifications for it.
So, you want to play hardball?
Yeah, let's play hardball.
You want to get petty?
You want to ruin Kale's life?
Well, I want to ruin Chris Hardwick's life.
And it appears his life is ruined.
So there's no fucking way I'm going to stand by with the flag of decency next to Chris Hardwick, who would happily watch me drown.
And say, look, I know this is fucked up and he probably did it, but the ethical thing to do is to have a tribunal and blah blah blah.
Fuck tribunals.
These guys have been playing dirty pool for too long.
The gloves are off.
So I am going to revel in the end of Chris Hardwick's career.
It is classic me too.
And this is much worse even than the allegations of kale.
Because in the Kale allegations, which are not true, he was accused of being in a manipulative, abusive relationship where he was too rough, and she stayed with him for years.
And there was no, like, mental torture.
She doesn't list rules like, I can't go out at night.
So, the Kale allegations were false, and even if they were true, they're nothing compared to this.
And also, the big one here is that a la Harvey Weinstein, Chris Hardwick ruined her career.
And he used her best pal, according to these allegations.
So he said, look, Sandy, whatever her name is, this bitch fucked me over.
She dumped me for abusing her too much.
So I need you to ruin her career.
Make sure she never works again.
And she didn't work again for a long time.
And this was her friend doing this.
And this is LA in a nutshell, where everyone just goes, I'm sorry, it's better for my career.
I gotta flip on you.
Like Kale, his roommates go, look, I know you're innocent, man, but it looks bad on me being around you, so yeah, you're dumped.
I can't be seen with you.
And that was the end.
That's the even crazier part.
I almost respect Chris for being a malicious cocksucker who wants to abuse women and treat them as slaves.
I almost respect that more Then the friend who goes, well, I gotta flip on my buddy.
It's good for my career.
It's my job.
I gotta stab my friend in the back.
That's worse, isn't it?
It's like Malcolm X said about liberals.
He said, I'd prefer a wolf in wolf's clothing than a wolf in sheep's clothing.
He goes, at least rednecks, I know where they stand on me and they don't like me, and that's clear.
And he said racist rednecks, by the way.
But he goes, with liberals, they're so obsequious that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
And that's the moral of the story here, is that these pussies have no honor.
No character.
And they'll have no legacy.
And they'll have no kids, for the most part.
They always have one kid.
And because they can put their kids' faces everywhere without worry about repercussions.
You'll notice you never see Dana Lash's kids.
But every other left-wing celebrity can put their kids all over the place.
Hey, here's my daughter.
She just graduated high school.
I don't have to worry about death threats.
Um, they'll always have their kid, like on their Twitter feed, and it'll say, Father of Josiah, and it'll have a big picture of him, and it's always one kid.
They're so proud of themselves for making a kid.
I was at a bar once, and the bar, just by coincidence, when the guy walked in, uh, this is in the suburbs, P.S.
The guy walked in and the bar fell silent just because that was the ebbs and flows of the of the of the room had nothing to do with him.
And the bartender goes, Whoa, you walk in everyone quiets down.
And he goes, Oh, yeah.
Is it because I'm a dad?
They're gonna get disciplined.
Is that gross or what?
We're in the burbs.
We're all fucking dads.
And a lot of us have 23 year old kids.
So you and your baby are totally irrelevant.
You're borderline not a dad.
You one person kids.
And the fact that he thinks we all, A, know who he is, and B, give a shit that he's a dad, I couldn't look at him for the rest of the time.
And I was talking, sort of, he was, I was me, I've always been me, then there's a guy in the corner, the douche I just told you about, and then there's another guy around the corner, and I'm talking to that guy around the corner, so he's in between us, so he interjects, and that's fine, you know, we're kicking a ball back and forth, if the ball comes over to you, you can kick it to me, that's cool, but I'm still mad at you for the dad quote.
And by the way, this is what I always say about racism, too.
We have way more prejudices that go way above race.
Like, I can talk to black guys all day long, but if one of them wears flip-flops, we're done.
And I think most people are like that.
They have way other handicaps, way bigger handicaps.
Race is like number 761.
Astrology is at the top of my list.
If you believe in astrology, we cannot be friends.
But anyway, that guy goes pee, and my guy goes pee, and I'm left with dad douche, and I just, I cannot bring myself to talk to him.
Like what, the normal bar parlance is, your main man goes pee, and you're left there, and you should say a line like, yeah, well it's crazy times.
Like some sort of buffer to bring us to something else, or, and you know the other thing too, is if you told her that, she wouldn't even believe you.
Well, what are you gonna do, huh?
What are you gonna do?
One of those little things.
I couldn't do one.
And so we just sat there, and he must have had the longest piss on Earth.
I hate when people do that, too.
I hate when men just go there, piss, you don't have to wash your hands.
I mean, I have a foreskin, so I don't even go near the pee, but I assume you head guys just piss until it drops out, then wait a bit, milk it a little bit, give it a shake.
If you get a drop on your hand, big deal, it's pee.
It's probably evaporated by the time you made it to the sink.
By the way, there's way more germs on the sink than there is on your dink.
But they go in there, they wash, and they scrub, they get the soap.
Meanwhile, you're dying for a piss.
And then they get... The blower thing on their hands.
Oh, they gotta be boned.
What are you, a manicurist?
Why do your hands... Are we going into surgery now?
The fuck are you doing, dude?
It's just a piss.
We're drinking beer.
You're gonna have a thousand of those.
So he has his hour-long piss, and we just sit there in silence, sipping beers like arch enemies.
Like we share the same ex-girlfriend or something.
And then, he left, whatever, blah blah blah, I'm glad to see him go.
I hated him.
He had one of those sweaters where the zipper goes down just to, between your nipples, you know those?
The zipper doesn't go, not that your sweater should have a zipper, not that you should wear a sweater!
Outside of New York, sweaters are gay.
No, sorry, outside of Britain, sweaters are gay.
And it's very popular here in New York in the winter to have a blazer on, a suit and a tie, and then Either a v-neck sweater, which is stupid, or a full sweater that zips down from the neck.
Down about six inches to your sternum.
That's popular with lawyers.
Maybe have a purple one.
And New York is either freezing cold outside or 70 degrees inside.
So you don't need it outside because you're wearing a jacket, and then inside you're fucking boiling instantly.
Now in Britain, where everywhere is freezing cold to the bone, sure, you can make a sweater argument.
But in North America, where it's either freezing or not, then you're constantly boiling.
You look so stupid.
I could see you sweating.
And he was one of those guys.
They also love, by the way, in the suburbs, they love these quilted vests.
It's like, my torso's so precious, I have to keep my core warm.
Ooh, I can't get a chilly torso, a chilly corso.
What are you, a Fabergé egg?
Be cold!
Go red!
Be so cold you're pink, you pussy.
Or I'll eat you out.
So then the next day we go to the barber's and I'm getting my hair cut and he sits down next to me and in a weird sort of racist way a lot of these white suburbanites look the same to me.
Maybe it's because in New York City it was such a Star Wars bar that there'd be one guy who's eight foot tall and black and then a trans midget and then a dude with no arm and then a guy with facial tattoos so it was very easy to remember people.
But in the suburbs you get a lot of homogeneity.
And so he sat next to me, I'm pretty sure, in the barber chair, and I didn't speak to him then.
Because I didn't recognize him, but now it looks like we're in a huff.
So, I kind of made an enemy, and I'm kind of happy with it.
Because he is a douche, because he said that one sentence.
Now, what's really important is we get to my sponsor, who is We The People Holsters.
You can check them out at wethepeople.com.
That is the right address, right?
It's very painful for me to read this, obviously, because I live in New York City, and I've been trying to get a concealed carry forever.
I go up the road to the very end, and then I get refused.
What are you saying, Dave?
WeThePeopleHolsters, plural?
Yep.
WeThePeopleHolsters.com.
I'm missing all my copy for this.
It has adjustable can, adjustable ride, which apparently means you can have the different direction it's in.
It's great for fatties.
They mold them personally themselves.
The cost starts out at about $35.
And I just, every time I talk to these guys, I just get so fucking jealous.
When they talk about all the different handguns they have, and they're like, what kind of handgun do you have?
We'll send you one.
And I'm like, Uh, I'm working on it, but I only have shotguns and rifles, long guns, you see.
And they're like, what?
Oh, okay.
Well, you keep working on that permit, boy.
And I'll keep carrying a gun everywhere I go, totally armed, totally ready to take down some lunatic who wants to shoot up a Taco Bell.
I am 100% prepared at all times.
If I see some guy raping a woman, I just come up and I end that instantly.
Pretty fucking awesome, huh?
Not in New York, but good news!
These gun laws here in New York are great for crime because the criminals listen very closely.
And we're only up to a murder a day in East New York.
Which is as bad as London, but not even close to as bad as Chicago, Baltimore, per capita.
It's like Iraq.
And I talk to Iraq vets about the south side of Chicago.
And they go, there was like 38 shootings, I think, last weekend or a couple weekends ago.
And I'm like, 38 shootings?
Isn't that, and that's a small area, right?
So that's a normal sort of battleground in Iraq.
Would that be a big night for you guys?
And they go, oh yeah!
38 guys got shot in a battle?
I mean, it would be international news.
It would have a name.
It would be like the Battle of Marak Tahar.
And no one would forget about it.
So, as the rest of the country has to suffer these bureaucrats who want to shut down Legal gun owners.
We have beautiful places like Las Vegas where we the people holsters are from and They can they can focus on the Constitution in the Second Amendment Yeah, I think I covered everything right adjustable tension adjustable can't just about right it started $34.
You can custom make your own they they do custom printed designs in-house and I'm kind of feeling good about this particular pass.
I feel like I will have a We The People holster within the year.
Honestly do.
Because I have a new lady now who's going to start me with my... I used to go from the city out, but now I'm going to go from the out in.
So I get all my permits for my handgun in the burbs and then slowly get closer to the boroughs and Manhattan.
What about that for a plan?
We'll see how it goes.
At the very least, I'll be armed in the burbs.
So that's our show for today, folks.
The moral of the story is that beta males are your enemy and alpha males are your friend.
And the reason, by the way, we're seeing so much backlash against Proud Boys and Trump is because the beta males have had the mainstream hoodwinked for a long time.
And losers were cool.
And it was funny to be a loser.
And people would see these stand-up comedians get up there and go, oh my god, I'm so fucked up.
I'm such a loser.
I'm such a nerd.
Oh, I love Dungeons and Dragons.
And everyone would clap.
And they would, you know, eventually get a girlfriend when they got famous and got a show.
And they'd sit there and say, we're trans allies and all this stuff.
And finally, We're coming along going, yeah, no, you're not cool.
You're a dunce and a dork and a loser.
And we're going to start winning and we're not ashamed of ourselves anymore.
We're not apologizing for anything.
In fact, we're pretty darn thrilled with the Western world and America and all the great things we've created.
And we feel absolutely no guilt about it.
No guilt about slavery or the Indians or any of that stuff.
That's in the past, so fuck you if you want to make me cry about it.
And the left has become apoplectic because their whole ethos is based on the assumption that we're horrible.
And we'll start with us being terrible, and then we'll work on apologies and reparations from there.
When we say, no, we're not horrible.
We're actually pretty awesome.
And in the grand scheme of things, we've done a lot more good than harm.
And they go, wait, now my school was for nothing?
Now every album I've ever listened to is for nothing?
All the comedians I listen to, all that means nothing?
Yeah.
Actually, you're a rapist, by the way.
And you oppress women in abusive relationships.
They just have... That's why Trump derangement syndrome is so intense.
You gotta check out Tom Arnold on the Michael J. Knowles Show.
He is really fucking out to lunch with his... You know, Tom Arnold talks like he just had too much coke that night and he really needs to blow his nose really badly.
Trump is a Russian agent.
But finally, before we go, last thing, I have some really great news.
I should have said this at the beginning of the show, but it's all over social media.
Savetommy.com.
Double check that's the correct URL, Dave.
Savetommy.com.
Ezra Levant just started it.
We've had a lot of trouble getting in touch with the family.
He had a lawyer before that I was not a fan of who didn't seem professional, like driven, driven enough, just seemed too casual.
I'm very low-key.
She was like a soccer hooligan thing who would usually handle headbutts.
Allegedly.
Save Tommy.com.
Yeah, that's what I said.
And now we're back to what we were last time he was in trouble with the guys, with the powdered wigs who charge insane prices, and we'll get him out of jail.
They've already had an appeal.
I already know we're doing well because the lawyer isn't saying much, which is what a lawyer is supposed to do.
He's supposed to pay attention to his client.
There's been a lot of fake news going around about Tommy, a lot of untrustworthy people trying to get on the bandwagon.
Now his wife has the reins back, and I believe that this fund is going to raise a million bucks.
Canada, UK, America, you know, Australia is going to be huge.
All the Commonwealth countries love him.
And I don't think his lawyer fees are going to be that bad.
I think they'll be maybe one or two hundred thousand.
So that's going to be a massive nest egg for his children.
And his wife is handling 100% of it.
She gets every penny.
And by the way, Ezra's great at fundraising.
And he takes a normal commission, smaller than usual, usually.
And that's the way fundraising works.
You have to pay for your website infrastructure, everything.
In this case, he has agreed to take zero pennies, zero cents, no.
Now, Ezra is Jewish, I am Scottish, and we are constantly having battles for how cheap each other is.
If we go out for lunch, I will pay, and it's like 30 bucks, I will pay $15, he will pay $15.
he will pay $15.
If it's $30.01, we will break out a steel hacksaw and saw a penny in half.
So none of us pays more than the guy.
Or, he'll just pay the penny and I'll owe him a penny.
Or I'll owe him half a penny next time.
And, uh, so he, he has to make, he has insured that he will get 100% of the money.
And I was listening closely to his video, which is great by the way, about the whole thing.
And if you listen closely, and Scots and Jews, you will identify with this.
If you listen very closely, after he says his wife will get 100% of the money, you can hear him gulp.
Listen, have you got it cued up?
Play it loud on my monitor.
You will have complete discretion over them.
Today is the day.
If you watch the video on your own time, I think it's around two, what is the time code?
246.
So go a little bit before so we can hear what he's saying.
All surplus funds will be transferred to Tommy's wife and she will have complete discretion over them.
Today... Maybe, in post, can you pump that up?
I can't wait to tease him about that.
Beep out her name, by the way.
I shouldn't have said her name.
Alright folks, we mentioned We The People Holsters, very important.
WeThePeopleHolsters.com, put in passcode GAVIN, you get 10% off, I believe.
Also, very important, go to SaveTommy.com, donate whatever you can, you know it's going to a good cause, you know it's not going to be squandered, no one else gets a cut, just the family, and if Tommy dies, and the odds I'd say are 1 in 3, that he dies, is murdered.
His wonderful, beautiful children who I've met and hung out with.
He's the best kid.
His son is just the best.
Oh my God.
When I first met his son, one of the other soccer hooligans go, you need a booster, son, you need a booster to sit in the car.
And he goes, no, I'm all right.
Because he's a tough kid.
He doesn't want to, he's a little kid, right?
He doesn't want to be in a booster.
And then the other guys go, well, your dad does.
And then everyone laughs their head off because Tommy's so short.
Constant hilarious laughs with those guys.
Good gazes, top gazes, top gazes, sound, sound, sound.
