Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

June 12, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

46:17

Get Off My Lawn Podcast #57 | I guess I better talk about this Vice article in New York Mag

Most of this podcast is about the NY Mag article that just came out entitled, “A Company Built on a Bluff.” New Vice and old Vice are obviously denoted by me leaving in 2008 and it certainly wasn’t a bluff back then. I don’t know much about them post 2008 but I’m assuming that when the sales guy takes over the editorial, the content is going to get a lot more advertorial.

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	I guess I better talk about this Vice article in New York Mag.
	Let me pull it up here.
	The general gist of it seems to be they're accusing Vice of basically being a pyramid scheme.
	And no, they're not worth billions and billions and billions.
	The title is, A Company Built on a Bluff.
	For almost 25 years, Shane Smith's plan for Vice was that by the time the suckers caught on, he'd never be stuck owning the company he co-founded by Reeves Weideman.
	Every time I see these articles, I just skim through them.
	Going, please don't call me racist, please don't call me racist.
	It gives my wife a panic attack.
	Just to sort of jump ahead, there's this writer, I think he's at Daily Beast, Spencer Ackerman, and he goes, company founded by a white supremacist?
	Check.
	Long history of sexual harassment?
	Check.
	Machismo, bullshitter, exploiter?
	Check.
	And I go, that's, yeah.
	The company was originally started by Soroush Alvi.
	He pulled me in to be comic book, like comics cartoon editor on day one.
	He didn't have any writers and he wrote too slowly, really.
	It was too meticulous.
	And I was like, I'll just write the whole magazine.
	And then after about two years, a year and a half, We realized we need to make money.
	These, the people that are housing us, it's through a welfare scam, and they're not letting us grow.
	This is all a government hustle.
	We got to escape.
	So we paid them back the money they had paid us.
	And Shane was the best salesman ever.
	I'll never deny that.
	And he started making us money.
	But the way you make money is bullshitting.
	And You know, Saroosh's mother is Pakistani.
	By the way, I'm a white supremacist.
	I started a magazine with a Pakistani man.
	I guess we just gritted our teeth and stared at each other every day.
	Yeah, you cock suckin' fuckin' eyes.
	Oh, I hate you.
	Actually, I said that to the guy, the Daily Beast guy, and he goes, you maybe became a white supremacist later.
	Yeah, okay.
	That's what happened.
	Um, but, uh, uh, yeah, his mother was, she taught Urdu or something, or, you know, Muslim studies.
	Uh, Farsi, I don't fucking know.
	At McGill, which is like the Harvard of Canada.
	Both his parents are professors, and I got along very well with them.
	She's like an academic, so she likes to pontificate, and I like pontificating.
	It's like pub culture.
	Plus, you know, I think they were Muslims from India originally, so they were from the Commonwealth.
	Like, they drank tea and listened to classical music, and they were very British, really, despite the thick Pakistani accents.
	But anyway, We used to have this argument, his mother and I, about honesty.
	She said, there is never a case where you should lie.
	There is no time where it is justified.
	Not very Takiyah of her.
	And I was like, I have an exception.
	Ma'am, whose name I forgot.
	We were a free newspaper, right?
	Like the Village Voice in Montreal.
	There was three of them.
	They were all lying about their distribution.
	So we were only making, I think, like 10,000 copies at the time.
	The Hour was the other one.
	The Mirror was another one.
	And they were saying 40.
	And they were lying.
	After a while the industry sort of caught up with this lie and they made an audit going.
	You know what those papers would do after that?
	They'd make a hundred thousand.
	There's only 80,000 English people in Montreal.
	They'd make a hundred thousand.
	One truck would take the newspapers from the printing plant over to the various distribution spots.
	The other truck would drive right to the recycling plant and drop them off at recycling.
	That's the way they could get their numbers up.
	It's like public schools in New York.
	I mean truth was long gone.
	So the problem with sales in a lot of cases is everyone's lying.
	So if you tell the truth you go bankrupt in a minute.
	So yes we used to call Shane bullshit or Shane but that's pretty much the nature of the beast I'm afraid.
	Now this article's contention is that he took it too far and it's basically a pyramid scheme and it's not worth anything.
	I will say That the internet has always been very wrong about what I got paid, my net worth.
	They've always been wrong about what Shane is worth and what Vice is worth.
	I think one of the, if you could call it a trick, and I'm not saying this is justified, but I think there's a misunderstanding with big business when you get to be a certain level, where you go, alright, someone bought this many shares at this price, the company's worth that.
	So if you get 25% for a billion, then the company's worth 4 billion.
	Nope.
	A company's only worth what people are willing to pay for it.
	Now, if you are a CEO whisperer, and you manage to get a guy to pay a billion, that doesn't necessarily mean your company's worth 4.
	It just means it does according to one guy.
	And when you're not an IPO, right, when you're a private company that's not publicly listed, it's, it's, if someone wants to pay, if your neighbor loves your car so much, he wants to just own one door, and he pays you a million dollars for the door, that doesn't make your car worth ten million dollars.
	That just means some guy is really into your car for some reason, and he might eventually buy the whole thing for ten million, but that doesn't mean another neighbor's gonna want a door also for that kind of price.
	Anyway, uh, Yeah, I was annoyed that he said in the article that my noxious humor.
	Vice also learned its edginess had to be packaged.
	In 2008, Alvin Smith bought out McInnes, whose noxious brand of humor, he is now an admired figure in the far right, known to say things like, I'm becoming anti-Semitic.
	I'm gonna have trouble suing him for that because he's prefaced it with brand of humor.
	Had defined the magazine's punk voice, but was becoming a financial liability.
	A year later, Vice hired Andrew Cuomo's communications team to burnish its image.
	That's relatively legit.
	Except, I'm Becoming Anti-Semitic was a joke I said when I was doing maybe 15 videos for Rebel in Israel.
	All pro-Israel, of course.
	And then on my own show, I'm ranting away about how annoying our tour guide is, and as a crystal clear joke I say I'm becoming anti-semitic.
	Now that's been taken out of context and will follow me forever, of course, and maybe my kids won't be invited to a fucking bat mitzvah because of this liar.
	And by the way, one of the reasons that little quote, that joke, has been used against me so much is this guy Jesse Brown in Canada land is his site and he was a dude who came from Montreal and he wanted to work for us in New York City his parents probably paid for him to come down and stay wherever he wanted and he had this article and it was it was what this is 2000 I'm talking now 18 years ago and it was about how Jews are superior the superior race
	And he used Seinfeld as an example.
	George Costanza isn't Mexican, he's Jewish, and Seinfeld's awesome, and it's proof Jews rule.
	And I said, I don't like this article.
	Why not?
	It's, like, too bourgeois.
	Like, New York Magazine had a picture of Larry David on the front, and it said, the Jewish brain.
	It was all about how awesome Jewish people are.
	And it just seemed like such a hoity-toity, you know, pinky-raised, upper-class thing to write about.
	The inherent eliteness of the Jewish people of the Upper West Side.
	We are special, are we not?
	Like almost British aristocrat-y.
	And this is when we just moved to New York and I was trying to ingratiate ourselves with like street kids like this gang Iraq and these graffiti kids like ear snot.
	And to have an article about the inherent beauty and superiority of this particularly white religion just smelled of like bourgeois Canadian aristocrats.
	Let's not invite them to our things in New York and you know make them part of the New York culture.
	So I told him to fuck off.
	And he never got over that.
	And he's been obsessed with me ever since, trying to prove I'm an anti-Semite for almost two decades now.
	And then this other guy, Spencer Ackerman, probably Jewish too, he's also consumed with this idea.
	And I've talked about it on other shows where I think this comes from.
	I think it comes from traumatized grandparents, but they just like, they have all this evidence.
	I call them not-see glasses, Nazi glasses.
	And they just have all this evidence to the contrary that you're not a Nazi, that no one really is.
	And they're just like, yeah, but in 2003, and Spencer Ackerman does this, he goes, no, I can prove you're a white supremacist.
	Even though your wife is American Indian, you've got three non-white kids, you started Vice with a Pakistani gentleman, et cetera, et cetera.
	Jesus, you know how tired you'd be if you were racist in New York City?
	If you're a bigot in New York City, there's like, maybe a fraction of the population is white, straight males.
	And they're out in South Brooklyn working construction.
	So then he brings up this New York Times piece, which I've explained in my book in many places, but I'll just repeat it here for fun, where I said, I'm proud to be white.
	I think it's something to be very proud of, and I think we're diluting our culture, and we have to assimilate to a white Western way of life.
	And then the next sentence says, Gavin McInnes claims that though hipsters are annoying, at least they're white.
	And of course that sounds terrible and that's been haunting me ever since.
	That was 15 years ago.
	Here's the context for that.
	Vanessa Gregora Darius, who's not the most tenacious reporter in the world, she's the one who put Mattress Girl on the cover of New York Mag and said, the new sexual revolution.
	Anyway, she was having trouble with this article in the New York Times.
	And she said, usually media isn't so interested in articles about media because in a way it's the competition and I don't have an angle here.
	So I really wanted to be in the New York Times.
	I'm supposed to impress my wife who was my girlfriend at the time.
	And it was in the style section.
	It was all about fashion and what's hot and edgy and blah, blah, blah.
	So I said, what about this angle?
	I started this company with Saroosh.
	He's a very proud Muslim, proud to be brown.
	He's got his jihad ring on.
	He thinks that the Muslim world is being persecuted, and that the East is the best.
	And I'm on the other end of the spectrum.
	I like being white, compared to him liking being brown.
	I think whites are superior.
	And I like the West.
	I think we should close the borders, blah, blah, blah.
	And so there's an interesting juxtaposition there.
	Well, you'll have my sort of libertarian stance on things.
	It's a little bit paleocon.
	And you'll have his more sort of anti-Western, anti-American, anti-Christian point of view.
	And here we are, you know, running this magazine together.
	So that was one thing I said.
	The editor, she claims it wasn't her and it was the editor, and she also said, I'll never work for the Times again.
	They fucked me over.
	The editor took out the Soroush Brown part.
	And just left the white part and then added, he seems to be a lot more of a white supremacist.
	And Bill McGowan helped me track down this editor.
	He's like a rich man in the Hamptons.
	And all these rich white people who live in all white areas, they love to just bitch about Nazis.
	I think it's a class thing.
	It's like Meathead and Archie Bunker, right?
	You hate the lower classes and you call them racist.
	And they don't really mean racist.
	They mean you're lower class.
	You're like brutish.
	So Nazi just means you're a brute.
	You're a Luddite.
	You're not as advanced socially as I am.
	It doesn't really mean you want to exterminate millions of Jews.
	Um, so that's the context of that quote.
	And then the other line was, uh, uh, at least they're white.
	That was an interview in the New York press where we didn't like the New York press.
	They were, they were a competition and they, they kept fucking with us and saying, you're not going to be around.
	They were real mean.
	And we said, yes, we are going to be around.
	Your entire... Look, I'm getting mad just remembering it.
	Your entire ethos is fuck Giuliani, because he was the mayor at the time.
	He's not going to be mayor soon.
	Your whole identity is based on a temporary mayor.
	And they did go under, of course.
	There's a lot of resentment towards Vice, by the way, from all these people who can't make it work.
	Like this Spencer Ackerman guy used to be at the Guardian.
	You go on a Guardian article and there's a plea at the bottom of the article saying, please send us money.
	We're going broke.
	Like, a handout.
	It's like a homeless man with his handout at the end of every article.
	And that's what's happening to liberal media because they're shitty at their job because they're Bigfoot chasers and tell you Bigfoot is hiding around every corner, but in this case, it's a Nazi.
	But anyway, so we were already at a confrontational interview, and I did say that to the guy, but in the context of the interview, it's funny because I'm dressed as a skinhead, Shane is dressed as a soccer hooligan, and Saroosh is wearing a suit, and he has blood all over his face and head, and he's holding a bandage to his head.
	He was our hate crime victim, and we were National Front-like English, British, you know, Nazis.
	That was the joke.
	In fact, the joke was a parody of the idea that Nazis could work with a Pakistani guy.
	So once again, and I talked about this with Josh Denny on my show, it's a parody of racism.
	But they want the Nazis so bad that they just take that out and then it just snowballs and it just follows you for the rest of your life as evidence that you're secretly a Nazi, you're hiding it.
	Which you also say to that, well why hide it?
	Like, I understand maybe secretly being gay, but then, then if you were secretly gay and you liked this guy, there's gonna be that moment where you go to place a kiss on his lips, and he's gonna go, what the fuck are you doing?
	So, say you, like, start a secret Nazi organization, there's all these black guys in it, and then you go, okay guys, draw the blinds, we're Nazis.
	And then the black guys go, what?
	What the fuck?
	Well, I guess you're gonna leave now?
	Yes, I'm gonna leave!
	Why'd you lie and waste my fucking time?
	I don't know, I wanted to have mainstream appeal.
	Yeah, but now half of us are leaving.
	Half.
	99.9%?
	Anyway, it's an interesting article.
	It's really, really in-depth, but it basically says that the CEO whispering has come to an end because Disney, I guess, ran the books and said, you're not even close to worth $4 billion.
	You don't have any money, you're deep in debt, and all these eyeballs you had are fake spam bots.
	I'm just paraphrasing the article, by the way.
	And you barely had any viewers to your show.
	Which makes sense if it's true because you can't be all about millennials and the young people and then choose a dinosaur media like television.
	No one's going to... young people don't even own TVs.
	They're on their phones non-stop, which is a vice.
	Is that everything I had to say about it?
	Yeah.
	It's, um... I don't know.
	I mean, it also talks about Shane having, you know, a $25 million house, and people there, they said there was a common rule called the 22, where you hire a 22-year-old, you pay them 22 grand, and make them work 22 hours a day.
	That was not my day.
	Here's the thing.
	The article says there seems to be a split, and we're not sure when Old Vice and New Vice began and ended.
	Nice journalism, dude.
	It's clearly Gavin McInnes.
	I ran that whole magazine till 2008, and there was a lot of different phases.
	There was, like, Vice 1 was under the welfare scam.
	Vice 2 was all our time, the rest of our time in Montreal, 94 to 99.
	But there's all this talk about, like, sexual harassment culture.
	There was just the three of us.
	We had maybe an intern.
	Oh, they were screwing models.
	There's a lot of models in there.
	There were never models around.
	That's a lie.
	That's just good for the brand.
	Just tattooed slots.
	But there was no sort of sexual harassment.
	There's just three guys working there, living there, sleeping there.
	The picture in the article is Shane and I in the bathroom of our loft where we also had the Had the magazine and you know the furniture you can see in the bathroom is from the garbage.
	Um, and uh, so that was one vice.
	And then, so vice, then we moved to New York in 99 and had tons of money for about a year and a half, two years.
	That was a whole other scenario.
	That was a big corporate scenario.
	That's where that dude wanted to do the juicer awesome thing.
	And, uh, we were then there with a few other companies that he had, uh, purchased because he wanted to be a multi-lifestyle brand, multi-channel brand it was called.
	And then there's rumors that this guy was doing his own pyramid scheme.
	Maybe that's where this technique was learned from.
	Telling investors he's worth a lot more than he is.
	Shit, I never thought about that.
	That's Richard Sawinski.
	Then we went bankrupt.
	And we're deep in the hole.
	300 grand, I believe?
	And Shane and Saroosh, who were heading the business end, had to handle all that digging as out of a trench.
	And I, my job didn't really change.
	In New York, I was just content.
	So when we were rich, I would just go to bars and find freaks and stories and artists and bands.
	And then when we were poor, same lifestyle, just going to Max Fish, partying.
	Those guys didn't really party too much either.
	And, uh, yeah, they were both homebodies.
	Sroosh would just rent movies and Shane always had a girlfriend and they would just, I think, have sex and watch TV and eat.
	Not very social chaps.
	They weren't really part of the New York culture.
	They didn't really have any friends.
	And they would hang out with each other, too, and go on vacation.
	That's really kind of what happened with the split, is I fell in love.
	I was about to get married.
	I did get married, and then I had kids on the way, and I wasn't one of the boys anymore.
	I wasn't going on vacation with them, and Shane and I had a house together in Costa Rica, and we'd always go there, and I would rather just be alone with my wife there.
	Or my other friends, not you guys.
	I'm sick of seeing you.
	I see you every day at work and I think there was some rejection there.
	Who knows?
	It's usually a combination of like 50 different reasons.
	But, um...
	Before I left, we treated our employees really well.
	And you can go ask them.
	Go ask, you know, Bryce Fanich or Melissa Burgos or Ryan Duffy, Trace Crutchfield, Leslie Arfin, Amy Kellner, Ryan McGinley, Tim Barber, Melissa Burgos.
	Go ask any of those people.
	And they'll say, it was fun.
	It was Gavin and us going out for beers every lunch.
	Sometimes partying all night and coming to work after drinking all night and doing coke.
	It's very hard to type.
	Hey, cops, if you want to test how wasted someone is, have them type on a typewriter.
	Sorry, a computer.
	It's very tricky.
	It's like harder than walking toe to heel.
	Anyway, I left around 2008.
	We had dug out of the hole.
	Everything was was the balance sheet was back.
	Post-slavery, we had survived the Civil War, and big business was interested, and I was never interested in big business.
	My whole model for the company was, first of all, humor, but smart humor.
	I always said, do stupid in a smart way, smart in a stupid way.
	I've said this a million times, but if you're going to Israel, try to find the best burger.
	Don't get into Palestine and all that.
	If you're doing a thing on poo, the Vice Guide to Shit, talk to doctors and make it really involved and super serious.
	So you get humor out of both of those and a message out of both of those.
	And be right and be left and don't don't be PC and be offensive.
	I mean, the dictionary definition of vice includes the word offensive, which isn't great for business.
	And I also wanted the editorial and the advertising pitted against each other.
	I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself.
	If you listen to all my podcasts, you probably heard this before.
	Um, but eventually, you know, that is going to experience some metal fatigue of bending it and bending it and bending it and eventually it breaks.
	And I don't blame those guys for, you know, thinking all we do is dig holes, dig us out of holes, patch up relationships that Gavin severed with some horrible joke.
	And, uh, I'm sick of it.
	I want to go to parties and have fun and I want to get involved in the coffee table books and stuff.
	So I think eventually they just sort of said, we don't want you having a fun job anymore.
	Let's buy you up.
	And I saw where it was going and I'm getting censored and we're having advertorials where we're doing a five page A story on Tiger Beer and how delicious it is in the UK edition.
	And so it's clearly time to go.
	And so that was the split between Old Vice and New Vice.
	And Shane had only done sales before that.
	And he took over content.
	And now he was the face of the brand.
	And then I remember right after I left, it was all about news and how we're merging with CNN and we're gonna be super serious.
	And I was just like, really?
	I don't... I was begging you guys to contribute articles for the past 15 years.
	And you wouldn't.
	And now you love journalism?
	Of course that didn't last very long.
	They stopped, you know, being on air.
	They never really struck me as content guys.
	Like, I've always been obsessed, I've always been sort of a pop culture nerd.
	I was always, even when I was 12, I was listening to the radio on it with a tape player and recording every song, and then if the song ended up sucking 10 seconds in, I would rewind and go back to the end of the previous song, and that's how you'd make a mixed tape from the radio.
	So you'd listen to like 700 songs, and eventually you'd fill both sides of good songs.
	And then you'd get a tape-to-tape player, which my mom bought me for my 13th birthday, And then I could really make tapes.
	And you could, you know, redo them if there's a song there that's kind of bugging you.
	And then you trade them.
	I'd trade them with people in Britain.
	And we'd have, with Maximum Rock and Roll, we'd trade zines and stuff.
	And then you get into VHS tapes.
	I really bonded with David Cross on that because we were both, you know, always collecting weird VHS tapes.
	And there'd be these catalogs that listed a condition.
	Anyway!
	Those are content people.
	And I'm not saying they're better than salespeople.
	It's just a different DNA.
	It's a different structure.
	And you'd be surprised, by the way, how many people in pop culture are pop culture nerds.
	who collect tapes and trade with people and used to put on shows and, you know, no basis and stuff.
	They are, Morrissey is one of those dudes, used to work at NME.
	Chuck D, who I hate, but he is one of those dudes, used to do shows.
	Ludacris used to be a DJ.
	Iggy Pop was like a fanatic who would go to shows.
	That dude who sings for the Gun Club, he was the head of Blondie's fan club.
	So these guys eventually get so into it.
	Rob Zombie gets so into the sort of minutia of trading tapes and this is a guy from that band that they become a band and they become the thing that people trade.
	And, And, you know, a company needs that.
	They need a hipster, a hacker, and a hustler.
	I was the hipster.
	Sroosh was the hacker.
	Shane was the hustler.
	But this article, it's pretty darn vindictive, and I don't really care.
	People say, you must be loving this, this house of cards.
	Not really.
	I mean, it's my ex-wife, and I've been divorced for ten years, so wish her nothing but the best.
	And I can't help but play devil's advocate, too, on behalf of Shane.
	And, you know, if someone gets a billion dollars investment, Then what should that sales guy's cut be?
	I mean, the norm back in the, you know, when we were just a magazine, the norm for, for, uh, print was 20%.
	So if you bring in a $10,000 ad, you get two grand in your pocket.
	Thank you for bringing us the ad and the magazine gets eight grand.
	Um, 20% of a billion is 200 million.
	I believe that's pretty good.
	He didn't take 200 million.
	So, I know CEOs are overpaid, and the wage gap is fucking ridiculous, but I'm of two minds about it sometimes, because you'll hear like, this company was going under, and then the CEO got a bonus, and he got, you know, 400 million bonus.
	You go, that does sound fucking ridiculous, especially when the guys on the line are making 60 grand a year.
	But, I also think, well, what's the whole story there?
	Did he save the company from losing $4 billion?
	This is not Shane, I'm talking about a hypothetical here.
	Well then, he kind of deserves $400 million.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, big business makes big moves.
	What about that guy?
	Have you heard about this dude, uh, who invented a type of cement that's organic?
	It has bacteria in it that's sort of, uh, in stasis.
	It's not dead, but it's not alive.
	And when it gets wet, then there's food around it, and it comes to life, and then mixes with more cement powder, and then the crack heals itself, just like human skin.
	So this is going to solve the problem of cracked pavements and buildings cracking all over the world.
	That innovation What about the guy who cures cancer?
	What's the word?
	Insurmountable?
	Invaluable?
	Invaluable.
	What's it worth?
	50 trillion?
	Okay.
	How much money does that guy have?
	It's like these communists and these socialists go, that guy doesn't need that much money.
	Everyone needs like 100 grand.
	What about the guy who cures cancer?
	What does he deserve?
	200 grand?
	I mean, if you can sequence the genome in seven minutes and save a million lives, I think you deserve quite a bit of dough.
	Ooh.
	So, I can't say if Shane is overpaid.
	I don't know what he was paid, I don't know what he brought in, but...
	I think there's a lot of real vindictiveness there.
	I think people hate Shane because he's arrogant and often people deem him unlikable.
	But I think it's also the problem with sales guys in general.
	They're seen as shitty people.
	And I think people want, I think the big picture here is, screw Shane's personality, the big picture here is that a lot of people in journalism are beta males and they have a lot of resentment.
	And I think they resent that Shane and Vice and me and Sarouj, Built a successful media empire and it's been around for 20 years when countless others have failed, including the New York Times.
	Carlos Slim had to bail them out of bankruptcy and they've become a pamphlet for Carlos Slim's agenda.
	Same with Bezos and Washington Post.
	So it's very tough to survive in media.
	And, you know, we were a newsprint, English newsprint in Montreal, and then managed to keep adapting to National, to Glossy Magazine, to multi-channel brand that had stores.
	The stores started failing.
	They were cut off.
	Tried feature films, record labels.
	I mean, that's impressive.
	I think the takeaway from Vice, no matter what you think of the personalities behind it, has been you guys really hustled.
	I mean, people don't even know.
	We had a clothing line in Britain.
	We have a pub in London that has its own beer, but plain for a while.
	And it wasn't from stealing and it wasn't from lying.
	And at the end of the article, the guy says, he says, uh, no one has lost money yet on this deal.
	So he's accusing these guys.
	And by the way, I am a total, I'm as much of a stranger from post Gavin Vice as you.
	I don't know anything about it.
	So I can just, this is all, post 2008 is just conjecture.
	But it ends with him saying, but no one has lost money betting on Shane Smith yet.
	Isn't that a weird ending?
	You spend the entire article calling, including the title, saying that this is all bullshit, a company built on a bluff, this guy's a liar, hustler, it's all fake.
	And then you end it with, but no one's lost any money yet, so it seems to be working.
	That's not really a pyramid scheme.
	People have to lose money for it to be a scheme.
	Actually, that kind of happened with Martin Shkreli.
	I read that no one actually lost any money from him.
	I actually think, you know, speaking of Bernie Madoff, and I'm sorry this episode isn't funny.
	I think I owe you a funny one.
	We've had like two, three serious ones in a row now.
	I think a lot of Bernie Madoff people knew it was a hustle.
	He was giving you a 10% return on your investment.
	5% is, no one can break 5%.
	You might, you know, have a good year, where you get up to 7.
	You might even have a crazy year where you're up to 10.
	And, but when that happens, you shit your pants and go, holy shit guys, check it out, I made 10% this year!
	But you know that you're gonna have a 1% year.
	Or a negative.
	You're always going to average 5.
	Bernie Madoff was averaging 10.
	That is unheard of in the stock market.
	Unheard of!
	So I think a lot of people went, you know what, I'm just going to fucking, this is a pyramid scheme, I'm going to get in and then get out when the money's good.
	And it sounds, this is sort of what he's accusing Vice of.
	Of being at that part of the Bernie Madoff scheme.
	But the big picture here is that you can't trust the media.
	That's really the takeaway for this particular issue.
	Anything you read, especially in 2018, especially these beta males who have so much baggage like Spencer Ackerman and Jesse Brown and all these Huffington Post guys.
	And then of course there's the spinsters that run these places with an iron fist threatening all these betas with HR complaints and you know Slate, Salon, Huffington Post.
	They are all terrible at their job, and I think all you can glean from their writing is here's some topics you may want to look into.
	Like when they tell you that Trump is about to ruin the economy, And here's why.
	It really just means, hey, you should look at the long-term dangers of tariffs and if they might affect America.
	Because you're not getting that from that article.
	It's more like a syllabus.
	It's like modern journalism is just like some point form notes saying, hey, here's some things.
	80% of them are lies, but you may want to look into them and see which, find the 20% of this article that's true on your own.
	So it's a homework assignment at the end of the day.
	Reading the paper, especially beta bloggers, Is getting a homework assignment.
	I think that's all I have to say about it, right?
	That it was wonderful when I was there, and I have no... I have nothing to say about when we left.
	I have some exciting news, though.
	I did... I have a new sponsor.
	We The People.
	And because... I'm not going to just read copy, so you don't have to worry about this being boring like every other read.
	But it's an awesome holster.
	Actually when I talk to these guys I get kind of sad because I still don't have a concealed carry.
	I have plenty of guns but they're all long guns and I have cop friends and I see them with their guns and I just I want to weep.
	I actually suggested a commercial where they we We have a guy who's in New York City hearing all these people in the South and Arizona talk about their holsters and their guns and all their, like, Dana Lash.
	Dana Lash has so many guns that she had to move because her gun room was too full.
	And when you hear it as a New Yorker who's sane, by the way, not these liberals, I honestly want to shed a tear because I'm so, I'm very rarely jealous.
	But if you have more than three kids and you have a concealed carry, I'm jealous of you.
	I'm still applying.
	I've never stopped applying for my concealed carry.
	This latest woman, she made me a hundred dollar bet that it's going to work this time.
	So win-win for cheap asses like me.
	We love winning a hundred bucks.
	But yeah, the The holster is called We The People, and it's made of this plastic called Kydex that's very easy to mold.
	It's sort of heat molds.
	And the beauty of this holster is when you take it out, shoot, you can put it back easy.
	Some of these softer holsters, you go to put it back and it's not easy to do, which in a dangerous situation, you don't want to have your gun on you.
	You know, sorry, that's a terrible thing to say.
	In a dangerous situation, when you pull out your gun, you also want to be able to reholster it.
	If you have something else going on, and then pull it out again.
	Maybe in a situation that's like an hour long, that's involving some real danger, you may want to have your gun in and out of your holster like five times.
	That's the beauty of this.
	And it's got an adjustable cant and ride, right?
	That's the sort of direction it goes in.
	And when I was talking to the guy, I was with a rep from the company, and I was saying, he's saying, you know, skinny guys, they can just sort of put it here.
	But the beauty of this is you can adjust the cant and the ride.
	And really, you know, I'm a big guy, and we can really hold there.
	And I said, so, I mean, it's got a lot of assets.
	The re, reholstering sounds cool and you, you custom make them and everything, but it's also very beneficial for fatsos.
	And the woman next to me goes, uh, Gavin's show is a kind of a comedy show and he likes to joke around.
	So it's a, it's a little unorthodox.
	Some of the things that he says.
	And then the guy was like, relax.
	Yes, that is true.
	It is handy for the fatties like me.
	Um, See, that's how men talk to each other.
	We insult each other.
	It's like Joe Rogan says, men are mean to each other's faces and totally kind about each other behind our backs.
	Women are nice to each other face to face and then just rip them to shreds behind their backs.
	Like a man will go up to a fat friend and he'll put his arms around him and he'll just grip his fat and he'll go, you are the fattest and most disgusting pig in the entire universe.
	And that man who's having his belly grabbed will go, I am enormous and then they'll both laugh.
	I've told this story before but I used to run an ad agency.
	We sold it to Havas called Rooster New York and I would go on the road with this guy Sebastian who looks like Thor and we'd be brushing our teeth in the bathroom and so we're we'd share a hotel and we're looking each other in the in the In the mirror, you know?
	One of us will have just had a shower and he'll look and he goes, look at this.
	And points to his own face.
	Look at this Greek Adonis.
	Look at these high cheekbones.
	Look at this flaxen hair.
	Look at this chin.
	Look at the bone structure.
	My broad shoulders.
	It's like looking at a Greek god, okay?
	You got it?
	I'm like brushing my teeth.
	Uh-huh.
	And then he turns to me and he goes, and now look at this.
	Look at these wrinkly eyes.
	Look at the blotchy, alcoholic skin.
	Sporadic hair sticking out of a chinless neck.
	Balding.
	I mean, the hair's okay, but look at the products you need to make it like that.
	And I would laugh my head off.
	If a woman did that to another woman, they'd both kill themselves after.
	We're different.
	Anyway, that's got nothing to do with We The People Holsters.
	So go to WeThePeopleHolsters.com if you go to WeThePeopleHolsters.com forward slash Gavin.
	Listeners, get off my lawn.
	You can use that code and get $10 off their first holster.
	$24 with free shipping.
	I have a feeling I will have my own We The People holster within a year.
	I don't know why.
	But yeah, I've pretty much said everything.
	There's a lot more stuff I'm supposed to say, but the prices start at $34.
	Again, WeThePeopleHolsters.com.
	If it's not a perfect fit, you can send it back for a refund.
	Every holster ships for free.
	Adjustable tension, adjustable can, adjustable ride, custom printed designs in-house, thin blue line, thin red line, constitution camo, blah blah blah blah blah.
	They're awesome.
	And that's my new sponsor.
	How are we doing for time, Dave?
	Do you know when we started this?
	Oh, we're running out of time.
	There were some other things I wanted to get to that were not vice related.
	Oh yeah, speaking of men and women, I thought this was kind of interesting.
	The mayor of London said that there's too many men, like if you look at Wikipedia, there's all these men stories and men being represented and there's barely any women.
	We need to close that gap.
	And I've heard people say that about action movies and movies in general.
	Most movies are about men and that's clearly an example of sexism.
	Here's a radical belief.
	Women's lives don't lend themselves to stories.
	Now that sounds super sexist, right?
	But I think women are wizards, right?
	Women are magic.
	They do this magic thing with their body where a human comes out.
	And then, even after that, like the way my children and I interact is more like, hey buddy, what's that?
	The way my son, like especially when they're young, the way they interact with their mother is like, It's this ethereal force that they have together.
	I mean, I just, I love my kids like crazy.
	Oh, good night.
	Love you.
	Um, and it's just nice and I'm there to protect them and I'll happily die for them and shoot anyone who goes near them.
	Uh, but my wife is more than that with the kids.
	It's, it's an intangible thing that you, you couldn't write down, let alone put in a story.
	So, They are more valuable to society.
	And look at spiders, right?
	A giant spider will get inseminated by a little male spider and then they'll just, then he'll go, do you want to eat me?
	Because I've done my job.
	Now we need you to do your magic.
	And the black widow's like, yeah, sure.
	Eat some up.
	So, they're more consequential than us, but it's less story-ish.
	Like, you're not going to have a Wikipedia page about a woman named Gladys Hepburn, who had 13 kids, and loved them to death, and had a stable relationship with no infidelities, and was married for 35 years.
	Boring, but invaluable, like amazing, and those 13 functional, happy people went on to be, you know, successful tradesmen and professionals, and then they had four kids because they loved their childhood so much, and they wanted their kids to have the same kind of joy, so that joy went out exponentially.
	That's way more Good for society and has way more impact than Blackbeard, but I'd rather see a story about Blackbeard, because it's short and sweet and he's got a sword and he jumped from a boat to a boat and chopped a guy's head off.
	Cool.
	So, just because women aren't in as many stories as men or women aren't in Wikipedia as often as men, Doesn't have anything to do with their value or how much they're appreciated.
	It says more about stories themselves.
	Like an acid trip.
	Not a lot of books are written about an acid trip.
	But an acid trip is a wild ride that'll change your life forever.
	Like, I've had epiphanies on Magic Mushrooms that I still think about today.
	For example, I was maybe 14, 15, we were on Magic Mushrooms, which is like LSD but smaller.
	It's sort of like LSD is Batman and Magic Mushrooms is Robin.
	So we were on Robin.
	And we were like, I wonder what's going on in that house?
	We were walking around the suburbs.
	And I just sort of could see through the house all of a sudden.
	And I could see inside.
	And I saw Dad reading the paper.
	I saw a kid watching TV.
	And I saw Mom upstairs in the bath.
	And nothing else interesting.
	Nothing else.
	Not that that's interesting.
	Nothing interesting going on.
	And I realize we imbue all this like gossip and, oh, there's probably an orgy going on in there.
	But once you peel back the layers, if you could see into people's lives, read all their emails from like the past week, you're not going to find like a plot to kill the president or a gun trading ring or, you know, orgies going on.
	You're just going to be like, hey, did I leave my socks there?
	And it's not that people are boring, but people are just trying to get through the day.
	And they're not up to no good.
	There's not this secret cabal.
	And that was a real sort of eye-opener for me.
	Not a great story.
	You don't really want to see that in a movie.
	I don't even know how you would put it in a movie.
	And that's a woman's life.
	It's this magical, trippy, spacey thing that doesn't lend itself to a Wikipedia page.
	And we keep trying to make women men.
	And say, they need to be in a movie where she's doing roundhouse kicks.
	No, she doesn't need to do that.
	Uh, okay, that was important.
	I wanted to get out.
	And then I also want to talk about Asia Argento cheating on Anthony Bourdain.
	And I wanted to talk about my black eye.
	And I wanted to talk about, uh, but yeah, also Asia Argento saying Harvey Weinstein raped me, but then not pressing charges.
	So you're kind of letting a rapist loose by not doing that.
	That's she's got a lot of culpability here.
	She arguably, Uh, facilitated dozens of rapes and a suicide.
	So, not exactly hero material, Asia.
	I also wanted to talk about this willingness the left has to let America burn to the ground just out of spite, like Bill Maher said he wanted the economy to suffer so it would hurt Trump.
	And all these people pissed off about the- the meeting Kim Jong-un and saying, oh fuck, who cares?
	It's just a mee- it's just a photo op!
	And how vindictive that is, but I explain all that on my show, Get Off My Lawn.
	Which you have to subscribe to.
	And just to do a little more hawking, when I started at CRTV, there was only about five shows.
	And, you know, most of them were just sort of explaining the news, and there's Steven Crowder and Levin and some other big ones.
	Now there's tons and tons of shows.
	There's at least three times the content that there was when I started a year ago.
	And even my shows, I have two shows now.
	So it's definitely worth checking out.
	Even if, just check it out and then cancel your subscription if you don't like it.
	I mean, Roaming Millennial, who is a nine, just went to England to sort of get the heartbeat, the real sort of street taste of what's going on with Tommy Robinson in England and talk to people there on the streets about how they feel to get the sort of temperature.
	I don't think they've ever met a cop in their life.
	Malkin is doing these incredible documentaries about, you know, people have been wrongfully imprisoned for rape and pedophilia.
	People have been framed.
	Cops have been framed.
	Well, that was a funny thing in the vice thing.
	They say cops love vice.
	That's from my day when we did the We Love Cops issue.
	And we always had pro-cop stuff in there.
	That's still lingering.
	Shane and Srooge, I don't think they've ever met a cop in their life.
	I don't think they like cops.
	And by the way, cops are involved in my black eye story, but you have to go to get off my lawn to get all the juicy gossip.
	It's not Tuesday's episode.
	It's all explained on Monday's episode, but all of these Subjects I just alluded to but didn't get into depth on the Argento and we want America to fail and my black eye That's all discussed in depth with funny pictures and videos on get off my lawn at CRTV.com done hacking hawking And hacking.
	I'm done talking about Vice, hopefully forever.
	And I'm done being serious.
	This is, what, the Tuesday show?
	I promise the next show will be centered on comedy.
	And speaking of comedy, by the way, check out Josh Denny on Get Off My Lawn, discussing all these people trying to get him fired for what could not be more obvious jokes.
	My favorite one, imagine wanting someone fired for this.
	He goes, hey, Asian girl at the pool, can you close your legs?
	We don't want to see your slanty pussy.
	That's racist?
	You really think a bonafide, like, genuinely angry racist man would say that sincerely?
	No.
	In fact, it's dumbing yourself down and portraying yourself as a stupid idiot to essentially mock racism.
	It's retard humor.
	It's sort of like when Kurt Metzger heard about the Sarnoff brothers blowing up all those people in the Boston Marathon and he went, what?
	Dinosaurs did this to us?
	You're doing a Homer Simpson character.
	Anyway, I'm explaining comedy.
	Nothing is less funny than that.
	I'll see you... Well, I'll see you tomorrow on Get Off My Lawn.
	No, I'll see you tonight on Get Off My Lawn.
	With Josh!
	Talking about what I just said!
	Goodbye!
	On triple-digit days, our hearts go out to those right here in our community who can't afford the luxury of air conditioning.
	Wouldn't it be nice to help cover their electric bills?
	Or give them all a place to come cool off for a while?
	Well, you can!
	By giving to The Salvation Army, where every donation fights for good.
	Visit SalvationArmy.ListenAndGive.org now to help fund bill pay assistance programs and climate-controlled community centers for our neighbors most in need.

▲