Get Off My Lawn Podcast #56 | Why does my daughter need to know the surface area of a rhomboid?
I start out railing against schools and teachers and how totally incompetent they all are. New York City schools are way worse than you could possibly imagine. It’s basically one big Animal House (but less funny). Then we get deep into the Nazi myth and how insane you’d have to be to honestly think white supremacy is a real thing and a threat to American society. It’s no less nuts than Bigfoot chasing.
Why does my daughter need to know the surface area of a rhomboid?
Remember I was talking about education in another podcast and how it should just be what they do in Norway, which is called forest kindergarten.
And they just have the kids out in the forest.
And they give them knives, by the way.
And they can carve, you know, spikes.
And they climb trees 100 feet high.
And they get wet.
And they get cold.
And they learn what it's like to be wet and cold and to suffer.
And then they go to normal school.
I don't think you should go to normal school until you're 13.
I think there should just be a giant playground where kids can play all day and If there are 5% of people who are academic, and those people shouldn't have a trade, they should go to school.
What about the playground, Gavin?
That 5%, they'll go up to a teacher.
There's teachers all along the perimeter of my giant playground.
And they say, hey, what's with sharks?
Are they like 5 million years old or 50 million?
Aren't they all muscle?
And that teacher will touch that person on the shoulders and go, uh, yeah, come with me.
And he takes that kid to a room where they show them shark books, and they learn about the history of sharks, and they learn about predators, and, you know, the thresher shark, and the tiger shark, and the whale shark, and all these different sharks.
And then, you know, that person could end up being a marine biologist.
But, outside of those few freaks that genuinely are curious and genuinely deserve to be there, no one goes to school.
Kids don't have recess anymore.
When I was a kid, it was 15 minutes in the morning, you got outside to play, maybe it was 20, then there was a full hour at lunch, and then there was another 15 minute session.
Now, they don't have the recess, they have the hour at lunch, or 40 minutes or whatever it is, but, um, That includes eating.
So they get outside to play, maybe 30 minutes, 20 minutes, 10 minutes.
And then some of these schools, they're so overpopulated that they stagger the lunchroom.
So some of these kids are having lunch at 10 a.m.
Then they don't eat dinner till 5 p.m.
They're starving to death.
Or what happens is they come home and they're so hungry that they snack on goldfish or some crap.
And then they don't have- they're not hungry at dinner anymore.
They totally fuck up the kid's life.
It's a giant daycare full of bullshit.
My daughter is 11, and she's calculating the surface area of not just cubes, but- no, sorry, the volume of these 3D triangles, cylinders, cubes, rhomboids.
I think it's a rhomboid.
Is that a thing that's like a- an octagon that's made into 3D?
I mean, I've never needed to know the volume of anything, and I'm half a century old.
I remember we used to study this.
My dad made me take math in college, which is the hardest thing on earth.
The only way you can take calculus and algebra in university is to have a large breakfast, not go out the night before, sit in the front row and put your hand up maybe every two minutes with a question, and even then you get a D.
But we were finding the surface area of the function 3x plus y cubed spot about the z-axis.
So it makes like a weird vase shape.
And as I'm calculating this, that was, by the way, that was one question and it was a three-hour test, so it takes you three hours to do all the calculus for that.
As I'm doing this, I'm thinking, you know what?
If anyone ever presents me with a bizarre shape, And they asked me what the volume of this is.
I'll just put it in a tub that's full, and I'll measure the amount of water that's displaced.
Or I'll fucking weigh it.
I'll put it on a scale.
Why am I doing this?
It's for engineers who build rocket ships, which represents what percentage of the population?
A fraction of a third of a tenth of 3x plus y cubed spun about the z-axis.
I think my daughter's doing it because they teach you all this math and stuff and they kind of run out of stuff.
So they end up getting more and more advanced until you're finding the volume of weird shapes.
It's fucking ridiculous.
I want to take her out of school entirely.
She'd love that too.
She hates her school.
Or I could send her to private school, which in my neighborhood is $50,000.
$50,000.
And the reason we moved out to the Burbs was because the schools were so good.
But so many people are doing that that they're getting packed. - Right.
And so, the quality of education is suffering, and the quality of life, I mean, God, these kids, they can't even sit down for lunch.
My daughter had to eat lunch the other day by her locker because there was no chairs in the cafeteria.
Education should be so easy.
Here's a ton of money, and make no mistake about it, we pour billions on education.
Teachers make incredible salaries.
It is a total and utter lie that they don't make any money.
Oh yeah?
Look how poor she is.
Remember Samantha Bee had a thing in the Daily Show about she was making fun of people who think teachers are ballin' and she showed some of their shitty apartments?
Yeah, that doesn't mean you don't make a lot of money.
It means you're a lazy cunt who gets four months off a year and doesn't fill them with anything but sitting in a deck chair by the lake at your sister's cottage.
You're not underpaid.
And some of them even make, like in New Jersey they'll make 80 grand a year.
That's still with all of their benefits, their insane pensions, and the four months off a year.
Two months straight in the summer.
Can you imagine having two months off?
I would die of boredom.
I don't want that much time off.
But per hour, per actual hour worked, they make about 60 bucks an hour.
No, no, no, they don't get off at 3.20, Gav.
They have to prepare their lesson plan.
They've been teaching the same fucking class for 12 years, okay?
They're not preparing anything.
But that's just the suburban schools.
The quality of education in the hood is hair-whiteningly bad.
I know one guy, I know one guy who teaches in East New York, and East New York, by the way, all of New York's crime is there.
You know how, you know, Chicago seems nice and there's two murders a day?
That's all on the South Side.
Same with Baltimore, same with Detroit.
There's these areas that are bad and they basically make up all the crime in the country, these little tiny pockets.
And in New York, there's no crime in Manhattan, Brooklyn's pretty good, Harlem's fine, but East New York, Bushwick, is a fucking zoo with a murder a day.
And the schools in East New York They're ridiculous.
I would say they're on par with the worst schools in the world.
I'm not exaggerating.
They are the baddest schools in Syria, in the Congo, in rural China.
Actually, rural China probably has great schools.
And why is it so hard?
Get one smart person.
Everyone pitches in a dollar.
And he teaches like a hundred people a day.
That should be a hundred bucks.
And you just sit there and say smart stuff.
Answer their questions, for fuck's sakes.
But they don't learn anything, and they don't exercise, and they don't have fun.
But East New York.
So I'll tell you about three teachers.
I know.
And in every case, they're naive white liberals who went there to sort of, because they saw too many movies and they were going to be the great white hope.
And then they get battered down by reality.
And, by the way, racism.
Black people and administrators going, what are you doing here, white person?
You don't understand us.
And they kind of have a point.
So this one guy I know, he teaches in East New York, which is already hell, right?
But he teaches special needs kids and ex-cons and stuff.
He does a good job and they learn things.
But... He also admits, by the way, that he gets too much time off.
But he says, don't touch my summers.
But this guy sees his job as being a marine.
He's a really intense dude.
He says, we're out there, we're grinding, we're grinding!
He always talks about grinding.
He told them they may not say the word nigger, which to them was like saying you can't say the word the or pineapple.
It was just, what, why are you choosing that random word that's not remotely offensive?
So they changed it to neighbor and ninja.
They just say, I walk in there, there's like three ninjas walking up to me.
This ninja's like, that's how they talk.
So he's a success story, but in a way it's not a success story because it takes basically an intense MMA, American Ninja Warrior, Marine, to have good stories about getting stuff done.
So we're not counting that.
And by the way, he doesn't represent the average teacher.
If they were all this intense Marine MMA type guys who drank Mountain Dew and punched holes in the wall, And was willing to literally fight to help these kids learn, then we wouldn't have a problem.
And that's actually what charter schools are doing.
Charter schools are tough, and they're thriving in Harlem, despite what the New York Times wants you to think.
And they make kids do push-ups and run laps, and if they don't wear their uniform, they can't come to school.
And if they don't come to school, they'll go to their house and make them wash their uniform.
I did a podcast, my old podcast, Free Speech.
I did talk to one of the charter school guys.
I highly recommend it.
He, of course, couldn't use his real name because you're not allowed to say any of this.
But here's another example.
This teacher who taught for a long time in Eastern New York, she goes, and I bet this is true of most inner-city schools.
She says, this is the demographics of my class.
There is two or three kids in the front row who want to learn.
Black girl, then usually like an immigrant.
Some other black girl whose dad stayed with the family and cares about her and says you better get good grades.
Those girls are, and boys, are paying attention.
Actually she never said boys.
Maybe it was just girls.
Those girls are paying attention.
They want to learn.
And so you just, you teach to them.
Behind them, the next two rows of kids are just hanging out like you would hang out at a cafe or a bar.
They're just talking to each other, they're on their phones.
The teacher's dead to them.
They don't even see the teacher.
And they just talk about their day and they draw pictures and they play cards and stuff.
They're just subsisting.
And some of them are sort of getting rough and maybe like slapping each other as a joke, whatever, getting kind of physical.
The last two rows, no one is at their desk.
They've moved the desks away and they are fighting.
But not fighting like trying to kill the other person.
Practicing fighting.
Wrestling, punching, trying different moves out on each other.
Just like, say you had a jiu-jitsu school and you said, alright guys, just meddle around for a little bit.
Just figure some stuff out.
I gotta go walk the dog.
I'll be back in 20 minutes.
That's how they behave.
And sometimes the violence gets out of hand.
She told me about this one student who was just like this maniacal, feral child.
Just an evil, Damian, satanic girl.
And she grabbed some Muslim chick, and for some reason there's a steel gate separating one room.
I guess maybe it leads to something valuable like musical instruments, so they have to put down a steel gate and lock it at the end of the day.
So the steel gate's up.
And she grabs the Muslim girl and then as the teacher's saying, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
She has this maniacal grin on her face.
And she lowers the steel gate, but on the other side of her.
So she's now on the side of the musical instruments with the Muslim student and the students and the teacher on the other side of the gate and she can't get the gate up.
And that's when this black girl just starts beating the living shit out of this Muslim girl, just pounding her and pounding her.
Of course, if it was a white girl, it would be a front page of the New York Post.
And then she – so the teacher runs to the security guard.
He gets in there, manages to open it, gets her up.
Doesn't even take her away, just sits her back down.
And then guess who was in trouble?
The teacher.
The teacher was in trouble for rocking the boat, calling security, wasting everyone's time.
Now that's gonna be on the books.
It's gonna make the school look bad.
What are you doing, you stupid white bitch?
That's the vibe she got.
This is a hard-working person, great gal, friend of mine, who has a degree in education.
And she said, So, I stopped calling security, I did as I was told, I totally ignored the fistfights in the back, I totally ignored the cafe culture in the middle, and I just talked to those two girls.
And I passed everyone.
So everyone gets a D, those two girls get like Bs.
But I know another dude.
A homosexual man who teaches out in East New York.
And he has completely given up.
So he doesn't even teach to those two girls anymore.
They can read if they choose to.
And there's the fighters and everything.
So what he does with grades is...
He looks at their name, he looks at their previous grade, say it was a D minus, and he goes up one.
So that person gets a D. And he just gives half a score less, so D minus, D, D plus, C minus, C, C plus.
He gives them a bump up from what they did last year.
There's no tests, there's nothing to submit, there's no essays, there's no books they have to read.
It's just, it's like a rubber room.
And you know the rubber room, right?
That's what teachers go to when they do something terrible?
So, why are we doing this?
Charter schools are a solution, or how about no school?
Fuck school.
Everyone is coming out dumber than they were before.
Can you believe there's more flat earthers now than ever before in history?
That's because of this shit education we have in this country.
You know, the myth that most people with shitty educations believe is that we all thought the earth was flat and Galileo said it's round and they threw him in prison.
No, that's not what happened.
Galileo said that the universe doesn't revolve around the earth, it revolves around the sun.
And the church told him, please stop saying that, and he told them to fuck off and then they just threw him in jail because he was being lippy.
But no one believed in the Flat Earth.
Even back to cave days, everyone saw the moon.
So the Flat Earthers were always this weird, bizarre sect that was separated from modern, normal, rational man.
And, sorry, not just modern, but ancient rational man.
But not today.
Today, they say things like, oh, really?
They pour water on a ball and say, look, it's falling off.
Why would water stay if the Earth wasn't flat?
I had a guy on my old show who talked about it, and he said he actually had become a deist.
He was an atheist until he discovered the flat Earth and what the universe really looks like, and that it was so incredible and beautiful that that's when he fell in love with God and started believing in God.
And his blueprint is the following.
The universe is, not just the earth, the universe is flat.
The earth is like a frisbee, sitting in a big pile of snow.
But, so is every other planet.
They're all frisbees, and you can't get from frisbee to frisbee because you get snow in the way.
That's why if you like, you go north, you hit the north pole.
That's, you're on the edge of the frisbee.
That's his beautiful view of the world.
And, of course, what you say to all these people is, uh, why?
What is the motive for this best kept secret of all time?
And they never have an answer, of course.
They want to control us.
Well, if they want to control- wouldn't it make sense to take all the criminals and just throw them in the snow on the outskirts of the Frisbee?
Isn't that what the evil globalist state would do?
No, they want to keep us from- why do they want to keep us from traveling?
We can travel all around the Frisbee.
Why can't we leave- we can go to fucking outer space.
Oh, I guess they don't believe that.
And again, have you looked up?
Have you seen the sun and the moon?
They're pretty darn spherical.
Anyway, I'm going to have this guy on my show, probably in a couple weeks, who wrote a book refuting flat Earth.
And it's amazing that you have to write a book in this day and age that says the Earth is actually a sphere.
It's not fucking flat!
Oh really?
How come I can see ten miles away on a clear day?
They really do say stuff like that.
And I think it's this shit education.
And you know what else our shit education is doing?
I'm finding it's making young people really arrogant.
Like, have you, have you, are you familiar with millennial-splaining?
Where people go, yeah, actually, that's, um, that's the algorithm doing that, and, uh, if you just, uh, double-click on the bottom icon, it'll fix it.
And you go, no, I tried that, that's not it.
A guy here, I have to whisper in case he hears me, but I had on a pocket square that was made of tissue.
And I said, the funny thing about using a toilet paper pocket square is women notice, men don't notice, but women notice when you have a pocket square that's made of tissue.
And he goes, you'd be surprised.
Now, this guy is 20 years old.
21.
And he's telling me, a 47 year old, that I'd be surprised.
And he's never worn a pocket square before.
So he's telling me, someone who wears a pocket square every day and has dealt with millions of people's reaction to it, he's telling me that I've got the pattern wrong.
And you can use this to your advantage, by the way.
I just won a $3 bet with the Millennial where I said, no one can seem to identify this song.
And the song, maybe you can help me.
I've been wanting to identify this forever.
It's an 80s song, kind of disco rock, and there's a keyboard going And then the chorus is city lights like a knife, like a knife.
I can't figure it out.
And the person who identifies it has to be closer to 50, because it's an 80s hit.
But this guy goes, my wife can identify that.
And here's what you do.
You say, you start betting on it.
Make money off these millennials.
So I said, I'll bet you three bucks.
And he got his wife on speakerphone, and I sang the song, and she thought it was Big City Nights by Scorpion, which it is not.
Um, and now I got three bucks in my pocket.
I also, you'll also find this with pretty much everyone.
But Millennials too.
They are all positive that they can tell the difference between this bourbon and that whiskey and this vodka and beers.
And they're all wrong.
I have won bets where they can't tell the difference between a beer and an alcoholic drink like vodka.
I mean, that's the very, very outskirts of this bet, but I've even won with that.
But, like, people who think they can tell the difference blind taste test with Coors Light and Bud, and they always laugh at me, too.
Believe me, I can tell the difference.
My hypothesis here is that our shitty education system is so bad that people aren't used to being wrong, and so they just assume they're right about everything, and you can make money off of that.
A hundred bucks.
Bet them a hundred bucks.
These people that like Grey Goose and they think they can differentiate between Grey Goose and Smirnoff?
Nope.
Now, there is a person on Earth who does have that incredible skill.
They just have like a weird tongue, like a Gordon Ramsay tongue that has more taste buds on it than we do.
They're like a Guinness Book of World Records freak.
And that freak is my brother-in-law.
He's the only time I've lost this bet.
He was blindfolded and he just sat there with like a 50 fucking coffee mugs full of different beers and drinks and he was just like Miller Lite, Bud, Coors Light, that's Grey Goose, that's Smirnoff.
Just nailed everything perfectly.
And I've done this a thousand times.
He's the only one with that skill.
But everyone thinks they have this magic tongue.
And try it sometimes.
I'm even terrible at it.
My dad, he's the one who taught me this trick, by the way.
And it's a good example of people's arrogance.
Their confidence is just way too high these days.
But you know what he did to me?
I said, Turkey's Nest is disgusting, and Maker's Mark is my bourbon.
He goes, oh, don't be ridiculous.
You just like the label.
And I go, no, I like the taste.
It tastes like cotton candy.
Turkey's Nest is just disgusting.
And so he goes, ugh, look, put a blindfold on!
So I wore my blindfold and I tasted one and I said, there is, this is on YouTube actually, that is disgusting, that tastes like gasoline, that's Turkey's Nest, clearly.
And then he gave me another one and I go, now that's my baby, that's my Maker's Mark, that's my poison.
What the fucker had done?
He had poured half Turkey's Nest, half Maker's Mark into both glasses.
So I had projected a difference, even though they were both the exact same jungle juice.
And then I said to him after I had lost face, I said, actually, part of it is the branding and the logo.
And I actually do enjoy that part of it, too.
It's all part and parcel of the drinking experience.
And he goes, well, that's called a fucking taste test, you idiot!
True.
Touché.
He's so mean to me.
He said to my brother, I've got some brilliant ideas for Gavin to save money on his real estate tax, but he has too low of an IQ to understand them.
One time we were playing Trivial Pursuit, and I was sucking, because I'm stupid, and we were on teams.
I think it was like the McInnes's versus my wife's family.
And he bashes, after I failed, yet another question.
It was something I should have known, that he doesn't know, like something about rock in the 80s or something.
What was Rick Springfield's dad's name?
And I didn't get it, and I go, I have no idea.
And he just bangs the table, and he goes, He says, I do not want this person on my team!
He knows nothing!
But I do know nothing.
That is true.
And that's because I come from an education that was still kind of good.
We were taught to be humble.
We got things wrong.
We were punished.
And we got to play.
So my education could have been much better.
It was no forced kindergarten.
But it didn't teach me to be an arrogant little cunt that is positive that I got it right and they got it wrong.
That's what we're raising today.
I went to university in 1988, I started, and I went to 92.
1990 is when all this political correctness stuff started.
That's when, like our radio station, CKCU, at Carleton University in Ottawa, still had indie rock and punk stuff, and it was all music.
Today, if you check out CKCU, it's like, the Inuit hour, with huk-de-huk-de-huk-da-tuk.
And the Muslim Hour, and the Indian Sounds, and it's all about diversity.
And, of course, the classes are insane.
Women's Studies, where you're taught a mumbo-jumbo language about, you know, intersectionality and hegemony with these words that no one in the real world uses.
Hi, I live in the real world.
I go to the Knights of Columbus meetings.
I interview people on the street.
I do three shows with CRTV.
I work in You know, free speech activism, going to talks and stuff, going to Britain.
I talk to human beings.
Of Earth.
And not one of these human beings has ever said intersectionality.
Like in law, you learn stupid terms, but you use them in court.
No normal people understand you, but the judge does and the other lawyer does, so it's like learning Klingon, but at least you can use it at a Trekkie convention.
In school, it's like you're learning Klingon and there's no Trekkie conventions anywhere.
So what do you do?
You get a job at Huffington Post or Slate and you just call everyone a racist.
You call everyone a Nazi and you say, America's pretty similar to 1930s Germany right now.
I was talking about this with Anthony Kumi the other day.
How fucking insane is this whole theory that Nazis are looming around the corner?
Here come these fucking loudmouths again in the hallway.
It's downright disrespectful, isn't it?
Here, I'm gonna go outside for a sec.
Hey guys, maybe take it easy on the constant yelling, please.
That's a good way to keep it friendly when you're mad at someone.
Be sarcastic.
Wait, are they still going?
Still talking.
The fuck are they doing?
Maybe I should have yelled.
I did that last time, and it worked way better than the nice guy.
Derek Beckles was an old buddy of mine.
We don't speak anymore because of Trump, but he used to do this thing when his neighbors were loud, his Mexican neighbors who would party all night long.
He would come in banging the door, and then they'd open it, and he'd be laughing.
He'd go, that's great.
You guys are really getting it out of the park this time.
It's five in the morning.
That's a new record for you guys.
Why don't you try turning it up a little bit?
And he would just sort of sketch them out.
I don't think it works though.
But yeah, this Nazi theory.
So, Trump is a white supremacist.
Duh.
Jim Carrey was just saying.
When you get to be 47, you very rarely LOL, but I got an LOL out of this one.
He said that the Trump presidency is an example of white supremacy, and he used Puerto Rico to prove his point.
4,000 people died in Puerto Rico, and that wouldn't have happened if they were white.
So, A, Trump could have done a much better job in Puerto Rico.
B. The reason he didn't do a good job is because he hates Hispanic people and he thought, fuck you Puerto Ricans, just die.
Just fucking die, you disgusting piece of shit.
Really?
You really believe that?
Like, even amongst racists, that would be really intense.
Like, say David Duke was president, and he goes, I want to let 4,000 people in Puerto Rico die.
I think his fellow Nazi advisors would go, yeah, that's kind of intense.
Let's maybe do something different.
Maybe a more subtle program.
That's Hitler levels.
And of course they don't hesitate to bring in Hitler.
But to get back to the absurdity of their concept.
So Trump is Hitler, right?
And he is going to start rounding up people.
Uh, for some reason they include the handicapped in this, so he's gonna start rounding up handicapped people.
He doesn't.
Perfectly nice family guy.
There was one at my son's baseball game the other day.
He had the little spaghetti legs that were strapped in with belts, and he was obviously a good dad.
He was at his son's game.
And, uh, Trump wants him to go into a van, so he's rounding him up.
I don't know why.
Uh, this guy pays his own bills.
It's not like he's dependent on the state, but he has to go.
So, the disabled, trans, obviously Trump hates trans people.
He wants them rounded up.
Homosexuals, gypsies, clowns, Jews, blacks.
Okay, so...
First of all, that's an insane thing to want to have happen.
Yes, Hitler did want that.
That was a freak.
We devoted the entire world to killing him.
Killed him.
It was two years of a freak lunatic.
And we've had much more freak lunatics, by the way, associated with communism than fascism.
And I don't know why we're not worried about another Stalin.
That was ten times the death count and ten times the plausibility.
Buchanan talks about this.
Where he says, fascism, it dies of natural causes.
It's a mayfly.
Communism has much more appeal because the doctrine of fascism is my people, my accent, my tiny area is the greatest and everyone else sucks.
So that doesn't translate well.
In fact, when Britain declared war on the Nazis in World War II, the British head of the British fascist party didn't side with Hitler.
He sided with Winston Churchill because he had more allegiance to Britain than to Germany.
That story, in a nutshell, is why fascism dies its death because it doesn't translate.
But with communism, you say, hey, poor guy, you can have a Ferrari.
You can have anything you want.
No more being hungry.
No more worrying about money.
That has a global appeal.
So what Buchanan said was, let's not get involved.
Let's get in a time machine.
Get Britain out of the war.
Get America out of the war.
Let fascism, let Hitler spread east.
He didn't want to spread west.
He didn't care about Spain and France.
He saw in World War I that two-sided wars don't work.
So he wanted one side of war and he wanted to go east.
Good.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Let the Nazis destroy Russia and then they will just expire on their own.
Let's think of them as like rabid, uh, rabid Rottweilers.
Unleash the rabid Rottweilers into Russia.
They kill communism.
And then the rabid Rottweilers just die.
Because that's what rabies is, right?
Your throat swells and you can't eat.
And then the reason the dogs act like such lunatics is because they're starving to death and they're dying of thirst because their throat is sealed shut.
That's fascism.
But anyway.
So the story with Trump is, according to these lefties, it's just like Weimar Germany.
And these are smart guys.
Michael Hirschhorn, a good friend of mine, produced a bunch of VH1 reality shows.
Very intelligent guy, writes for The Atlantic.
He said to me, oh yeah, you believe in free speech so much?
You gonna have my back when they come knockin' on my door?
Who comes knocking on your door?
Trump's Gestapo?
And they're knocking on your door.
Why?
Because you're Jewish?
Trump is going to say, all right, I want all the Jews in New York.
You mean the two million of them?
Yes.
I want all the Jews in New York, all the Jews in LA.
You mean the also two million?
Yes.
Round them all up and take them to death chambers.
Okay.
Who's building these death chambers?
How much do they cost?
Who's supplying the poisonous gases?
Like what contractors?
You can't get someone to press an anal cunt record.
How are you going to get someone to help you murder millions of people?
It is the most, it's the craziest theory I've ever heard and it dictates most of what the left does.
It dictates why, you know, they want Roseanne Barr fired immediately because, and it's the same reason they attack me, because this guy might not be racist and anti-Semitic, homophobic, whatever, but he is a gateway drug to the alt-right.
A, that's not true.
B, so what?
Like that chick on Twitter, that Antifa chick, Lindsey McCauley.
She's the perfect example of this craziness.
She's headed to prison, I believe, for vandalizing and attacking people who went to see a Richard Spencer talk.
Richard Spencer is a bonafide racist.
He wants a white ethnostate.
That is an onerous, odious concept.
Yes, but it's just a concept, and it's a ridiculous concept.
And by the way, plenty of black people have the same theory or the same desire, like Professor Griff of Public Enemy.
I was on Talib Stark's show a while ago, and he was talking about how Professor Griff was talking about how he wants three states.
He'd like it to be Florida and something else, but he's open to ideas.
North Carolina, South Carolina maybe?
And those should just be given to black people as reparations, and they should be black-only states.
Black-run, black businesses.
I think a lot of these times people overestimate how many black people there are.
There are only 12% of the population.
So I don't know, like, you're gonna get black Con Edison in there?
Black Time Warner cable to hook up your TV?
So, it's a crazy theory that you get from blacks and whites.
I'm sure Koreans, some Korean guys talked about having a Korea only state, but who cares?
The person isn't making policy.
Lacey, Lindy, whatever your name is, why are you going to jail?
To protest an idea!
Well, the idea could lead to World War III, where there's a new American Nazi party.
What?
How?
I heard Michael Malice is doing a book about the new right, and there's obviously a chapter about the alt-right in there.
And he was interviewing Jared Taylor.
And Jared Taylor is, like Richard Spencer, he's a white SNO nationalist.
Again, not hurting anyone.
Who cares?
And he's an interesting guy because he was born in Japan.
His parents were missionaries.
So his first language is Japanese.
He speaks it without an accent.
And he learned English from sort of old TV shows.
So he talks.
He's the guy who came up with the pronunciation white.
And that's because he was watching 1950s shows.
So, he has this bizarre, somewhat erudite manner of speaking that has these strange influx that leap up and down.
He should be narrating a Christmas carol.
I find him quite charming, to be honest.
Though I disagree with his ideas.
That's possible, believe it or not.
And he said to Michael Malice, basically what I'm saying right now, which is, the idea of a new American Nazi party starting up and committing mass genocide, I mean, it's absolutely fantastic!
Now, Alice had to explain to him that though you're using the dictionary definition of fantastic correctly, meaning phantasmagoric or ridiculous or crazy, don't say it like that because it sounds very positive.
It's sort of like awesome.
It is, you could say the Holocaust was awesome in that it was horrible and it was inspired awe, awe of terribleness.
You know, you're in awe of the evil, the level of evil.
But it doesn't sound good to say the Holocaust was awesome, and the Fourth Reich, a new American Nazi party, would be fantastic.
But Taylor's point was that it's ridiculous.
And the fact that we waste so much time, especially like upper middle class young Jewish men who put brackets around their names on Twitter.
These guys seem obsessed with finding Nazis where there are none.
I call them Bigfoot chasers.
And I think they're doing it to impress their dad.
And I think their dad is traumatized by the stories of his dad, who was a child in World War II.
and as what I call justified cultural PTSD.
And these poor bastards are the same ones that write checks to the ADL and the SPLC because they get spooked into thinking there's a new Nazi party starting.
So those grandpas traumatize their sons, which is understandable.
And then the sons tell their kids, who are the new bloggers at BuzzFeed and Huffington Post and everything, they say, look, if you do anything in life, it should be noble.
And for the sake of my father and grandfather, you should still be fighting the good fight to make sure a Nazi party never happens.
And they're like, got it, dad.
I'm gonna go get Sam Hyde's show taken off of Comedy Central.
Adult Swim is not gonna show any more Sam Hyde cartoons.
And if I have to lie and pretend that he snuck swastikas into the show, so be it.
Don't worry, I'll make Grandpa proud.
And you're like, Grandpa's traumatized.
No one has any problem with that.
That's what happens when you survive a fucking world war.
However, that's over.
You might as well be obsessed with the Khmer Rouge.
And, again, there's more of a risk of communism taking over.
Now, it's still infinitesimally small.
America's never going to become Stalinist Russia.
But that's a hell of a lot more plausible than Nazis.
Fucking Nazis.
Mark my words.
I'm saying it now for the record.
There are as many Nazis in America as there are albino skaters.
This myth that they've committed more acts of terrorism than Muslims is fucking insane.
And it is statistical manipulation.
It's like when they say there's been a school shooting every week.
These lies are getting so bad that all you have to do is sit down and go, wait, what?
We know how many school shootings there have been, because they're all over the news when they happen.
There's been like three recently.
But CNN will tell you 22.
And they include things like, oh, there was a gun that went off in a parking lot when the school that had been shut down for three years.
That's a school shooting now?
Or someone was doing a gun instructional talk, and his fucking gun accidentally went off.
Which, by the way, way to go, moron.
Uh, that counts as a school shooting.
So that's how they get the numbers up, and it's just disingenuous.
And the thing with the Nazis, the white fucking supremacist terrorists, whatever, they're finding like some dumb racist dude who shot his friend for fucking his wife, and...
They count that as an act of domestic terror, which is just willful ignorance.
You know that's not terror.
You know the KKK is just seven old guys with white beards screaming about the NAACP in fucking rural Georgia.
Like I saw some guy, I think it was on my Instagram feed, and he said, you know, you keep conflating Islam with terrorism and that's so unfair.
You know, the book isn't the problem.
These guys are just nuts.
And I'm thinking, yeah, but there's a disproportionate number of these bad guys are Muslim.
Like the rape gangs in England are 100% Muslim.
So there is a correlation there.
And then he goes, well, you know, the KKK.
That word, that acronym I should say, just drains me.
It's so exhausting when someone says KKK.
It's like astrology when someone goes, oh, you seem like you're a Sagittarius.
All the wind has gone from my sails and I just want to lie down and fall asleep.
Fucking KKK.
And he goes, the KKK are Christian.
We don't blame the Bible.
Uh, I would.
I would if KKK terrorism was rampant.
If it killed... I think I calculated recently, some journalist asked me from the Toronto Star, she said, you thought that incel guy was Muslim.
Why is that?
I said, because he used a car to kill people.
And she goes, that's a Muslim thing to you?
And so I went back and I did my homework.
2001, the magazine Insurgent, I think it's called.
It's like a jihad magazine for terrorists.
What do you read?
Rolling Stone.
I'm into music.
What do you read?
I read Insurgent because I'm a terrorist.
And it said, use a car to kill people.
I think it was 2010 it said this?
And it had a big thing on how, you know, you should use a rental truck, and you gotta really accelerate, and it's a great way to murder people.
Since then, 150, about 150 people have been killed with vehicles.
And that's made up of about 15 different attacks.
So there's a pattern there.
It's not a major threat in America, obviously.
You're more likely to be hurt by furniture.
But judging by what's going on in Europe, it could become a threat here once they get their numbers up.
They're only 1% of the population now, but if they get up to 10, you start seeing problems.
And to compare that to the fucking KKK, the only question that remains in my mind when people do that is, are you Knowingly telling lies?
Or do you honestly believe that?
Like when they say women earn less than men.
Obama said that.
Surely you have a research team.
And surely they went over your speech.
So you know that women make 77 cents on the dollar because they do less work.
It's not like it's actually illegal to pay one woman 77 cents for the other male employee doing the same work.
That's illegal.
You get taken to court.
And of course, if it was a thing, everyone would hire women the same way they hire illegals because they're cheaper.
So, everyone knows that now.
Why are you saying it, Obama?
Are you saying it to fuck with us and you just want to win?
Like, for example, Roseanne Barr.
The cover of the Daily News said something like, uh, Queen of Evil.
The Bigot Queen, or something like that.
And it had a picture of her, dressed as Hitler, putting Jew cookies into the oven.
Now that was an old cover from Hebe magazine.
She has a Hitler mustache.
Everyone knows that Roseanne is obsessed with Israel and Judaism and inequality for Jews, and that's why she's so anti-Islam, because she sees them as a threat to the Jewish people, especially in Israel.
So, when you put that on the cover of the Daily News, are you pretending that you think that she's a Nazi?
Or do you know the context of the picture, do you get the joke, but you're being willfully ignorant because it's good for your team?
I think the latter is the case.
And I have proof.
When I got pepper sprayed at NYU, and they were like, Nazi, fascist, go home.
And so I did the talk anyway, and my eyes were sealed shut with pepper spray, so I looked like a Chinese guy that just got punched in the head.
And I got up there on the podium, and Antifa were all in the front row, and they're not allowed to yell, so they were just giving me the finger.
One of them was holding up a picture that he drew of the finger.
That was really good, too.
Like it had shading and stuff, and all the wrinkles and the knuckles.
And I said, I got up on stage and I said, we got three problems with this country.
The woman, the negro, and the Jew.
And their jaws all dropped.
Mouth agape.
And then I obviously said, just kidding, just kidding.
I don't believe that.
No one really does.
And then I said, but why did your jaws drop?
Because you pepper sprayed me saying I was that guy, and then when I played that role, to make a point, You shit your pants.
So what you're really saying is you knew I wasn't that guy.
And you were lying when you were screaming Nazi out front.
And I think that's what's going on with the left today.
They don't really believe that there's going to be a Nazi party rounding up trans people.
They don't really believe that shit about how this is very similar to 1930s Germany.
That's all a lie.
And they're saying it because they don't want Trump to win.
I don't know why they don't want Trump to win.
I think it's because he represents an alpha and it Comedians especially had sort of made being a nerd cool.
You know, like that show At Midnight with Chris Huzitz, the ones that love Neil deGrasse Tyson.
And they have their shows like Nerd Alert, and I'm a Star Wars nerd, and being a nerd is cool, and Big Bang Theory, nerds are awesome.
And they think they had successfully brainwashed society into hating alpha males and seeing them all jocks as rapists and all nerds as wonderful creatures.
Meanwhile, by the way, Ladies, if you're going to get raped, it's going to be by a beta male who plugs you when you're sleeping, passed out.
Jocks are not rapists.
Nerds are rapists.
Comedians are rapists.
They're the degenerates, because they never got laid, so they want to steal it in the dead of night.
But I think that Trump comes along and says, yeah, no, nerds are still nerds and they're not cool.
And that freaks ugly people and fat people and losers the fuck out because they've been identified and they're scared it's going to go back to wedgie days.
That's why they hate Trump, is my theory.
And so they pretend That he's a white supremacist and a Nazi, and blah blah blah, and I'm a Nazi, and this person's a Nazi, and Alan Dershowitz is a Nazi.
I mean, he literally gets painted with swastikas on his flyers.
This is a guy who literally wrote the book on Israel, The Case for Israel, and he gets swastikas on his college campus posters.
They obviously know that Alan Dershowitz is not a Nazi, but at this point, they're just like, I'm gonna kick in the balls, I'm gonna cheat, anything to win.
So, what's the solution to that?
We go lower.
We cheat.
We take their quotes out of context.
We pretend that they want to let Puerto Ricans die.
We make up lies.
We be willfully ignorant.
We put them on the cover of the Daily News dressed as Hitler and take it out of context.
I'm for total hypocrisy kicking in the balls.
You know how you win a street fight?
You have no morals.
When you're in a street fight, you bite his face, you fucking claw at him, you punch if you get a chance, but if you don't get a chance, you bite his leg.
Like, anything you can do to win.
You just become a feral, I was going to say a feral coyote, as opposed to the coyotes that are raised in the domestication of your living room.
No, you just become like a fucking rabid Rottweiler.
And you say I'm going to win.
At all costs.
Fuck playing nice.
You guys don't want to play by the rules.
You don't want to debate.
Like that chick Lindsey McCauley that I was talking about earlier, the Antifa chick.
I tried to get her on my show.
No way, of course.
She fetishized this Muslim activist.
And met him at a rally.
And, uh, whoa, this one's going long.
And, uh, he took her back to his shithole country, I don't know what it was, Iran or something.
And, uh, there she was subject to the culture of the Middle East, which is beating the shit out of her and raping her.
Using her as a sex toy.
And slapping her phone out of her hand and beating her.
Uh, she went to the police about this and they threw her in jail because they don't like women or Americans or American women.
So she got raped, beaten, and imprisoned.
And she came back from that hating white men even more.
And hating Islamophobes even more.
So you think, well you're not rational.
If raping doesn't wake you up, then I can't talk to you, I can't debate you.
And they don't want to debate.
They say, well, you're a racist, right?
And to debate you is to give racism a platform.
Because your contention is that all black people must die, and I'm not even going to discuss that, because it's an unthinkable thing.
And of course, the retort to that is, no, no, no.
What I want the debate to be is not me defending how all black people should die.
It's me saying, I never said anything like that.
Where'd you get that idea from?
That's the debate.
That this Nazi person you've invented is a mythical creature.
And it's not just a mythical creature in my head.
It's a mythical creature in America, in the West.
Oh yeah?
What about Heather Heyer?
Congratulations!
You found an autistic white supremacist who got spooked by Antifa smashing at his car and he freaked out and plowed the car into a bunch of people.
And by the way, he was caught and duly punished for that.
He's not indicative of a pattern.
He is an albino skateboarder.
So, get your head out of your ass and stop devoting your entire life to chasing Bigfoot on a skateboard.
Oh, which reminds me.
Oh no, we're out of time.
I wanted to talk about our new sponsor.
But I'll do it next episode.
I like you more than a friend.
Please tune in to CRTV Tonight with Gavin McInnes.
That is airing tonight.
We got Lauren Southern on the show talking about South Africa, her documentary there.
We're gonna go through all the myths about the genocide, the ethnic genocide going on, the ethnic cleansing going on in South Africa.
And then we got a bunch of dudes on, we're gonna play a game, I got Bill Schultz on the show, we're gonna play a game called Would You Rather, where we come up with, we used to do this tree planting a lot, try to come up with scenarios where would you rather do this and rather do that.
And by the way, when you're playing that game, don't put in things like punch your mom in the face.
Those are stupid.
You're ruining your relationship with your mother, and that's not a fun would-you-rather.
That's like, would you want your mother to die?
So don't bring parents or anything sexually incestuous or anything like that into would-you-rathers.
