All Episodes
Previous Next
March 20, 2018 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
48:45
Get Off My Lawn Podcast #34 | Had A Lot of Friends Die of Heroin Overdoses

On today’s heroin special we look back at all my friends who OD’d and how that relates to the modern opioid epidemic. Turns out heroin ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Had a lot of friends die of heroin overdoses.
I lost count.
I think it's 20 if you include acquaintances.
And we're back now.
It was big in the 90s and the 80s when I was a young man.
Now it's even worse than it was back then.
I don't have as many friends, so I don't know as many people dying, but I just saw a dead guy the other day.
We were upstate.
We used to have a place up there in the Catskills in Berryville.
This is actually Eldred, three hours north of Berryville.
Driving down the street, there's a dead guy on the road!
And I know the cops up there, and I said, what's going on here later on?
And they go, oh yeah, yeah, that was this guy, this drug dealer.
I looked him up actually, I forget his name, but um...
He was a normal kid, but his dad died and the whole family went nuts.
They were middle class, upper middle class, but the whole, all the kids went crazy after dad died and became junkies.
And, uh, someone OD'd at this party and they, um, dragged him out to the road and let him sit there, get picked up.
And apparently that's kind of a smart thing to do.
I go, what kind of idiot?
Takes an OD and drags him out to the road.
And they go, actually, it made things a lot harder for us.
So, uh, it was a smart move on his part.
By the way, if you see someone ODing on heroin and you don't have Narcan, then you should pick him up and walk him around.
Especially if it's someone who's never done heroin before I've done heroin probably about five times great drug but not worth dying for and so I have some experience and and if you see like some new guys tried it often he'll be duped by junkies because junkies become Satanic they get possessed by the devil and they do evil things like trick you into doing it So this guy might have been told he's doing a bump of coke.
He does a bump of smack.
And he goes, hey man, what was that?
And they go, it's smack, man.
You're going to like it.
Just chill out.
Ew.
That's murder.
We had an article in Vice, Confessions of a Serial Killer, this junkie wrote, and he was saying, I'm looking back at all the people that I showed how to use needles, to go from snorting to needles, and he goes, I think I murdered them.
And I go, yeah, you did.
Didn't he?
I mean, am I crazy?
We're all responsible for our own behavior, but that's really pushing it.
I remember this dude, Dustin, saying to me once, Hey, man, I figured out something really cool.
Like, when I was snorting heroin, you get, like, a bundle for, I think, 120 bucks, and it's 13, I believe, little wax paper grams.
I don't understand why they do that.
Why don't you just sell the amount?
Why is it in these little individual mini bags?
So you buy a bundle of mini bags, which are folded up wax paper things, and they have a little stamp on them that'll have maybe a skull and crossbones, so you know it's good.
Hey, this might kill you.
And he goes, I came up with a thing where if I put it in a syringe, right?
I shoot it.
I get like 10 times the value.
So what I would blow through in a day before now lasts me like a whole week.
You go, yeah, that's a good plan, Dustin, except your tolerance is going to keep going down.
That's what heroin is all about, is the tolerance.
It goes up and up and up and up, way, way more than booze.
You know, you talk to any drunk today, who's been an alcoholic for a long time, a bottle of vodka is still going to put him down.
But if there was an equivalent of heroin, it would be a case of vodka towards the end.
I mean, they all seem to either die, go to jail, Which, you know, in the case of Rikers Upstate, you're still doing heroin, there's plenty of heroin around.
So you need a shitty jail, like in Jersey.
That's what Artie Lang needs, to go to a shitty jail in Jersey.
That's his only hope, because rehab doesn't work.
In his case.
Or, they get up to $300 a day.
300 bucks a day!
I used to know this junkie in Montreal, and he would steal textbooks from McGill University, which is a fa- that's our Harvard.
And then he would sneak back in with the books and return them and get the cash, say he lost the receipt.
He would do that at The Gap, too.
Pakistani guy.
And when they would say, uh, we don't know, how do we know you bought this here?
He'd say, oh, you racist?
You think I'm a thief?
And they would get so scared, of course, they would give him the money.
And somehow, he would manage to accrue 300 bucks a day.
For what?
Well, it does feel like you're receiving fellatio from 130 supermodels at once.
It's like a million hugs.
You know that phase when you're just falling asleep and Abe Lincoln is talking to a squirrel?
And you go, uh-oh, that doesn't make any sense.
I must be falling asleep.
It's that.
Spread out.
Which is awesome.
It's sort of like right after you come, that sort of... where you can hear the blood rushing behind your ears.
It's that for an hour.
But the odds are very high you're gonna die.
So is it worth it?
The way I always describe it to newcomers is, say you could have sex with two chicks, right?
One is a nine and has AIDS.
And the other's a 7.9 and doesn't.
Who would you like to have sex with, sir?
I'm gonna go with the 7.9.
And by 7.9, I mean you can synthesize heroin.
Pretty good.
With like Xanax.
I've- I've made heroin in my brain with pot and booze.
I know that people don't believe me when I say that.
It sounds like a poor man's- beyond a poor man's smack.
But no, you'd have like a couple joints.
He'd have some beer, you'd maybe do a shot, and your head, your brain's like a frying pan, and you're just like, psst, frying up a wasted omelette, and you're just like, this needs a little more pepper.
Maybe even do a bump.
And you get 78% as good as heroin.
Yeah, but you can never reproduce heroin, man.
Yeah, I know, but I don't want to sleep with a chick that has AIDS.
Remember there was this other dude that was with the guy who came up with the brilliant syringe idea.
He, by the way, him and his buddy JP, they lived, which is rare.
But those guys, those guys were just gross.
Like it makes you into a sleeping gross dude.
I think they used to suck each other off.
These were straight guys.
And they wouldn't have erect penises, but they would just sort of be floating around on the couch and maybe... Well, like weird animals.
You know, like an animal will sniff another animal's butt?
That's what you get up to on heroin.
I never did that, don't get me wrong.
But I remember him going, yeah, he's my little bitch.
He sucks my dick.
I thought, God, you guys suck.
I remember he was saying, after he got clean, he said, yeah, I was thinking back.
Me and my girlfriend were looking at our computer, and it kept crashing.
And I said, Maybe you have a font conflict?
Did you check the fonts?
And he said, as I was saying that, I realized I had my thumb all the way up my ass.
Just like sitting there.
And don't think of that in a sexual porn hub way.
That's just sort of like, imagine how you would poo your pants.
Which they do all the time!
The Pakistani dude who used to steal the textbooks, he told me he would go to N.A.
and he goes, like N.A.
for coke is, you know, I got up to all kinds of tricks.
I used to get an eight ball and I'd be in the hotel.
This is a true story from a coke head I knew.
He was actually my literary agent for a long time.
Uh, and he said, I would get so paranoid that I would get a prostitute, I'd buy a prostitute, you know, on the phone.
This was a long time ago.
And, uh, by the time she got up, I will have done like five more lines.
So I'd be so scared that she was coming to hurt me or that she was a cop or something that I would open the door a crack, give her her money, and then close the door again.
She probably thinks, great gig.
I think a lot of prostitutes in New York bring coke with them and will give it for free because they want you to be limp so they don't have to fuck you.
Sorry folks, this podcast is pretty dark.
It's all about death and heroin, and heroin is really just death.
You're hanging out with death.
Death sits on your shoulders.
And he goes, Don't fear the reaper.
Come on, babe.
Let's just die.
Don't be so scared of dying.
It's not so bad.
Which is a real cathartic release.
Because when you think about it, what is our existence but a perpetual fear of death?
Why do we breed to live forever?
Why do we get married so we can breed?
Why are we scared at night?
Because we don't want to die.
Why do we eat?
Why do we not get so wasted we pass out in the middle of the road?
Why do we put on our seatbelts?
We don't want to die.
We're perpetually followed by a fear of death.
It's the sword of Damocles that hangs over our head.
And, uh, to be freed from that is amazing.
Like, look at the pygmy shrew.
It's got to eat something like five times its weight every day.
Very uppity little shrew.
Always jumping around, always scared.
All animals are like that.
We're probably the least scared of dying because we set up this awesome thing with the house and a car that can protect us and helmets and stuff.
But poor animals, they're constantly in fear.
If you could take that away just for a second.
Of course, when they get close to the OD, like my friend Dash Snow, I can just see this little Rasputin on his shoulder going, Dash, you're dying.
And Dash goes, well, I got a kid, though.
I got my little kid.
And he goes, yeah, whatever.
She'll be fine.
It's Dash.
It's not a big deal.
Yeah, OK.
Let's go.
And then you just hold Satan's hand and walk off into the abyss and die.
And I think Dash, you can look him up, Dash Snow, he was the enfant terrible of the early aughts in New York and sort of defined cool for that particular epoch, that decade.
New York is run by decades.
There was the beatnik decade, there was the punk CBGB's decade, there was the early aughts Iraq Dash Snow decade that Vice was a part of.
And he ran, he was the Sid Vicious of that particular epoch.
But, you know, a lot of people now don't know who he is, and he could have been a dad with his kid.
But I can't help but think, along with the heroin whispering into his ear, going, we can do it, let's just go.
I think a lot of it was him wanting to die an icon.
You know, he- I did coke with his dad once, but for the most part, his dad was not around.
And they sent him to, you know, reform school at a young age, even though he was incredibly wealthy.
And eventually he just sort of moved out.
I think he moved out when he was like 16 in New York City.
You're alone writing your BMX getting tattoos and doing coke as a little kid.
But.
It really, it kills you, it takes away your reason to live, it turns you into a liar.
Junkies are some of the worst, shittiest, scumbag liars.
My entire adolescence and early 20s was counting my CDs and realizing that my roommate had a junkie over, my roommate had become a junkie, and stole my CDs.
But as far as making you super gay and lame, that guy JP, who had his thumb up his butt, I've told this story a few times, but it's the gayest thing, I don't mean homosexual, but this is the gayest moment of my life, the gayest thing I've ever heard.
He invites us over for a waffle party.
Pretty gay.
And we go, whatever.
You know, it's Saturday.
We don't have kids.
We're not married.
We're young.
We're 30 years old in New York City.
Yeah, I'll come to your fucking waffle party.
It's better than lining up for an hour for brunch.
That was such a tradition back before we had kids.
You wake up hungover at 10, 11, maybe by noon or 1, you get your shit together enough to walk out of the house, and then you line up at some place like 7A in the East Village for one hour to get some fucking eggs.
I'll make you some eggs.
Why are we lining up for eggs?
They're not gold.
It's not Venezuela.
They're not rare.
But that was just what you did.
Anyway, so he invites us over for a waffle party.
That's a contradiction, by the way, a waffle party.
And he has this stupid Hello Kitty waffle machine that makes one waffle at a time.
All right.
And he's got some batteries bought at the local, you know, pharmacy.
This is what he came up with on Smack with him and his girlfriend.
Like, let's have a waffle party.
And he has a Hello Kitty coffee maker, too.
It makes you one cup at a time.
Great.
So there's about five or six of us there.
And he shows up.
I show up.
And he's like, hey, man.
And junkies do this thing where they think we don't know they're on heroin.
They're like, hi, what's going on?
Their eyes are half closed.
Hey, welcome to the waffle party, man.
I'm fine.
I remember one time he showed up at Doc Holidays, and he had two large coffees.
He's coming to meet me to drink beer, and he has two large coffees, one in each hand.
And I go, dude, what are you doing?
He goes, oh, I'm really tired.
Really tired, so I have coffees.
I go, yeah, I know you're trying to pretend to be a human being, you junky reptile, but humans will buy a coffee, then finish it, and if they really want another, which is rare, you rarely want a coffee after a large coffee, you go and get another one.
We don't double fist, so you're not doing a good human impersonation.
But we go to his place, and this is the same woman who had a font conflict, and he had his thumb up his ass, literally.
And he's messing with the Hello Kitty coffee maker.
He can't really work it out and he's staring at it.
And I go, I'm looking at this waffle.
It's just a plain waffle.
And I go, do you have butter?
Do you have syrup?
What's going on here?
Do you have cutlery?
What's going on with this shitty, stupid party that you came up with?
I...
And he goes, oh yeah, we got calorie and everything.
Oh, we don't have butter.
Honey, we don't have butter.
And she goes, no problem, I'll get it.
That fake upbeat thing that, you know, drunk people do this too when they're with their kids or their parents or something.
Hi!
No, I didn't take the car drunk.
I don't, what?
No, I had maybe two beers.
So she's like, yeah, okay, I'll go get butter.
And then she does that junkie thing they do where they put their sunglasses on And so she's walking out, and he's still messing with this thing.
It's so easy.
It's literally made for kids.
Sorry to overuse the word literally this ep, but it's for babies, and you can't work a Hello Kitty coffee maker?
He's messing with it in that junky, slow-mo way, and you just want to slap him and go, give me that thing!
This goes in here, and the filter goes above it in the Hello Kitty face.
And he's just slow-mo messing with it.
And then she walks by in her Brenda Vaccaro sunglasses for Tampax tampons.
And she's walking down the hallway to go get butter because there's a mission.
I got to go get butter.
And she walks by him.
He goes, okay, I'll be here.
Yeah, I know you'll be here.
And then, I'll never get over this, it's the worst thing I've ever seen, including seeing someone hit by a car and dying.
He's messing with the Hello Kitty coffee maker and without looking up, so his mind is still focused on this weird handle for the coffee maker, he yells, I like your new sunglasses!
Is that the worst thing you've ever heard?
It might grow on you.
I like your new sunglasses!
Like without looking up, still focused on the coffee machine.
I told Wendy Mullen that story of Built by Wendy and she goes, I woke up the next morning, first thing I said when my eyes opened was, I like your new sunglasses!
It really does bring out the worst in people.
It even brings out the worst in people who are very tangentially associated.
This is a bit of a tangent, but when I was getting my arm tattoos, the ones on my forearms with all the writing, it was done by a celebrity tattooer to the stars, Scott Campbell, married to Lake Bell.
I don't think he likes me anymore because of Trump, but we were friends for a long time.
And, uh, he's also friends with celebs, which I've always been kind of dubious of.
Isn't it kind of suspicious that you're friends with, like, Heath Ledger and Eva Mendes and all these different people that the only thing they have in common is that they're famous?
Isn't that kind of a weird coinkydink when you're not in the business?
Johnny Depp?
Anyway, that's me stabbing my ex-friends in the back when they don't like me anymore.
Um, so he's tattooing me.
And this guy comes up and he goes, I gotta talk to you outside.
What?
I'm doing a tattoo, dude.
No, this is important.
He was kind of a Miles McInnes guy.
This is one of the assistants.
You know, tattoo shops, they have all the tattooists, and then there's the guy who takes the appointments and says, can you sit down?
They're not really a secretary.
They're more like a gopher, and they're a jack of all trades.
They unclog the toilet, and they're just sort of like a manager.
Yeah, that's the word, Gavin.
Pretending it's some weird job you never heard of.
Yeah, manager.
You know, every business in the world's.
Uh, worlds, that's plural.
I'm using outer space too.
I'm using managers from the Star Wars bar, the canteen.
And, uh, so he goes outside and he comes back and I go, what's the deal?
And, uh, Scott, I think had the correct attitude, which was pissed off.
And he goes, Heath Ledger, you know, Heath Ledger.
And I go, I know of him.
Joker guy.
Yeah, well, I'm friends with him and he's, he just OD'd.
Uh, and I'm kind of including this in heroin, by the way.
Like, Fentanyl and Oxy, all these things.
All these opioids and street heroin.
I'm sort of amalgamating into this one episode.
And, uh... And he goes, fucking asshole, he's got kids.
And so, I go, well, I guess we can do this another time.
And he goes, no, actually, it helps.
I'll just, it gets my mind off it.
I mean, I'm just doing my job here.
So he continued my tattoo, as he thought about, um, his dead friend.
And then he gives the phone to his assistant.
Uh...
It's shattered, by the way.
All tattooists' phones are shattered.
And a little tangent here, if I may.
When did tattooists become so PC?
When I got my first tattoo in 1988, I go, oh, that hurts a lot.
I think I might faint.
And the tattooist was so pissed.
He was a biker, and it was in someone's basement.
There was no tattoo shops in 1988 in Ottawa, Canada.
And he goes, I love the new breed of man that's getting a tattoo these days.
I'll never forget that line till the day I die.
And then I think sometime in like the late 80s early 90s women started getting tattoos.
Lots of tattoos.
Punk chicks and stuff.
And women have a higher tolerance of pain so they're better at it really.
I mean I have to be drunk or something to be able to get like my back or something but you'd see a girl there and she'd just be reading a magazine talking as like needles going in and out of her spine.
Or inner thigh, they just, you know, they're made for childbirth.
And so I bet tattooists go, alright, we got a lot of chicks here, so we need to make a chick-friendly environment.
And so sometime in the late 80s, early 90s, it became cool not to have a macho environment in a tattoo shop because that's better for business.
I remember one tattooist, I can't remember who it was, saying to me that he was really pissed about the word tramp stamp.
It's like the n-word to him.
Because those used to be his bread and butter.
Those used to pay my mortgage, he said.
And then someone came up with the word trans stamp and that tattoo just vanished.
Ceased to be.
So, and then you start having female tattooists in the early 90s.
Mid to late 90s and now all of a sudden it's chick thing and women ruin everything So just like having a woman on your boat if you're a pirate the whole crew is ruined now and now Tattoo shops are all about fuck Trump and I mean I don't think I could go to Saved Tattoo where Scott works where I got a bunch of my tattoos.
I don't think I could walk in there To this today.
It would be like David Duke walking in to the Soul Train Awards.
You'd have to go in blackface.
So anyway, sorry.
So he's doing the tattoo and the dude is really getting on my nerves, this assistant guy.
He's wearing a floppy beanie, which I'm sure is normal for millennials, but I will never get used to it.
Same with shower shoes, those slip-on things that mostly black kids but most young people wear with their little bobby socks.
And you think, what if someone slaps your girl and you've got these stupid shower shoes on?
I mean, I saw kids when I was on vacation at Atlantis, my boys playing basketball, there's kids playing basketball in those shoes.
You know what's worse?
There was kids swimming in the pool with those on!
Swimming in a pool with shower shoes on.
Help me out here, people!
Help me!
And the beanie, oh my god, you see guys in New York, young total hunks in Manhattan, like in Washington Square Park, jogging with their shirt off and a beanie on.
So your body's hot, but your head is cold?
What's happening here?
A lot of the times I'd argue it's black and Jewish self-hatred.
Yeah, you heard me.
They don't like that their hair is kinky.
And they've noticed that when they wear a beanie, especially a tight one for a long time, especially after it's wet, they take it off and they have kind of straight hair.
So, I don't approve.
I think it's racist and anti-Semitic to wear a beanie.
Anyway, he's got one of those on.
It's a real floppy one too, like a Smurf.
And he said something almost as gay as, I like your new sunglasses.
He came over and he's got Scott's cracked phone and he goes, Hey, he's being that heavy.
And I go, what's the deal here?
I'm ready to leave because this guy's annoying me so much.
And he says to Scott, here's your phone.
And he goes, I don't want it back.
What are you doing?
What's the problem?
Like, Scott's annoyed by him.
And he goes, just a lot of people reaching out to you, a lot of people that care about you a lot, love you a lot, and they're worried about you, man.
Ew.
I would rather he came up and said, I can't deny I find a lot of young boys sexy, seven years old in short shorts, red leather short shorts.
I want to see them play tennis.
I want to see them sweat.
Then I would just go, okay, you're disgusting.
You should die.
I could probably get over it easier than a lot of people love you.
A lot of people care about you.
And the thing that really pissed me off about it too, is I know he went home to his girlfriend.
And piggybacked on Scott's grief because it involved a famous guy.
So you know that he came home that night and just sort of maybe took, did they take off their beanies when they go home?
I don't know.
Took off his beanie, took off his Smurf hat, sort of sat down on the couch.
His girlfriend's there with her cheesy tattoos, kind of fake old school tattoos of like a rose and a dagger and a flapper or some shit.
And she's like, what's up?
They've got their rescue pit.
That already ate all their furniture and is gonna kill their neighbor if they don't watch out?
What's going on, Mark?
And he goes, ugh.
And then he just puts his head in his hands.
I bet he makes himself cry, too.
He just goes... And she goes, what?
What is it?
Heath Ledger's gone.
And Scott is not taking it well.
Meanwhile, Scott was fine.
Scott was mad.
That was his instinct.
And then she sits down and she puts her arm around him.
I'm making all this up, by the way.
But I'm pretty sure it's true.
She puts his arm around him and then she just sort of buries her forehead in the nape of his neck.
And then she starts crying.
And they both cry about a guy they didn't know.
A guy who's a douche who abandoned his children.
Sorry, Dash Snow, but you did too.
You know, Philip Seymour Hoffman had a separate fucking apartment for heroin.
No, that's because he didn't want the kids to see the syringes.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's called a heroin house.
You gave yourself your own heroin house.
You could really focus.
On your drug self-indulgence.
It's a disease!
Oh yeah?
Tell that to a cancer survivor.
What did you have?
Oh, I had bone cancer, but I managed to live after they removed all my limbs, and I went through two years of chemo, and now I can't see.
Oh, so sort of like me when I get too wasted?
Nope.
No, not like you when you overindulge.
It's a genetic, horrible, uh, what's the word I'm looking for?
Deformation of my cells.
Yeah, so like when I get super drunk.
No.
Philip Seymour Hoffman died of self-indulgence, and he's on the front page.
Remember Drake was all pissed?
Why aren't I on the cover?
Just because that fat guy died?
I kind of agree with you, Drake.
Because they're like, the death of a legend.
And they never mention that the guy OD'd.
Like, I don't know what exact pill combination Heath Ledger did, but that should be public knowledge.
I want people to know that your hero, your favorite actor, died of a heroin overdose.
Paul Giamatti died of a heroin overdose?
No, the other fat good actor.
Oh, sorry.
And by the way, that chick in the nape of his neck...
Then she, I bet you, she started using that death as a thing around her friends.
So she goes out for coffee.
She probably couldn't wait to get out of the apartment too.
So are you and me okay here?
Because I already made plans.
Uh, yeah, I guess.
I'll just, I'm gonna tweet pictures of me and Scott and then Scott and Heath and maybe people will sort of see the connection.
Okay, I'll be over at the At the Roebling Tea House with my friends talking about how fucked up I am.
Because my boyfriend's fucked up.
Because his boss is fucked up.
Because he knew Heath Ledger.
Let me pull up this song that's reminding me of all this.
Let me pull up this song.
All my friends, they die.
Let me just briefly go over them.
Because I want you to know that you shouldn't have sex with a supermodel with AIDS.
Cocaine, the only guy I ever noted to OD on cocaine was a black guy from Kids, What was his name again?
Harold?
With all due respect to the dead, I don't like to speak ill of the dead, but he was a moron and a dick.
I remember Pat O'Dell once convinced him, they were in the South in Alabama, they were all skateboarders, and he goes to get a skateboard, Harold does, whatever his name is, and Pat goes, dude, sorry, you're not allowed to come with us.
He goes, what, why?
Segregation here in the South, so black people are not allowed on skate parks until 8 p.m.
And instead of laughing, he goes, oh man, and he stays in the van.
That's how dumb he was.
But he would also hit on chicks.
I heard he got caught sucking off a dude to buy coke.
That's New York.
See, that's also the... I'm not from the Giuliani New York.
Well, I am from the Giuliani New York, sorry.
I'm not from the David Dinkins New York, and I didn't see dead bodies every day.
But still, the early 2000s, late 90s, there was still like a real edge to it.
So...
When I tell horrible, offensive jokes and say horrible things, that was just normal back then.
All our friends were dying.
I sort of say that about Terry Richardson, too.
You know, oh, he was horrible, and there's a picture with cum on a girl, and what a pig.
And you go, nah, all his friends were dead.
Like that's the world he's coming from.
So you're just seeing an edgier time in New York through 2018 goggles and going, ill.
But the whole city was ill back then.
You know what Terry Stagg at his bachelor party, uh, I knew this dude, Omar, Muslim guy, I guess he didn't do any drugs or anything.
He shows up to Terry's bachelor party.
Omar is the only guy who doesn't do heroin.
All his friends were junkies.
So Omar gets there a little tardy.
And it looks like Auschwitz.
There are ten bodies just lying there.
Sorry about that offensive analogy.
There I go again.
And there's four or five naked chicks, prostitute strippers, who were there dancing, and they were dancing around doing coke, and the ten guys, Terry's buddies, were doing heroin.
And everyone, including Terry, is asleep.
They've knocked themselves out with smack.
So the girls are just sitting there drinking beer, watching TV.
So what does Omar do?
He just shows up and fucks them all.
He's with all these naked ladies, like, as, you know, one's riding him.
He's, like, sitting on a dude's leg.
A passed out guy.
Like, there's a foot in the passed out guy's face and he's not waking up.
Ten guys, just dead bodies all over the loft.
As Omar has a heyday, then he's done, you know, he watches a movie with them, drinks some beer and goes home.
Fun bachelor party.
But, uh, yeah, I think Harold OD'd on coke, but besides that, you know, you don't really hear about people OD'ing on coke or pod or a lot of different drugs.
But these opioids, these fentanyls, they are a separate category.
So the short version of this, this particular episode is don't do them.
But, uh, no, let me go back.
Let me just list some of the people I know who have croaked on this drug.
I'm thinking about San... Sanjay was this dude, uh, Indian guy in Canada.
Indians are very common in Canada.
They're like our blacks, but, uh, but nicer.
Now, after saying that, um, thing about how I'm offensive, now I can't stop being offensive.
Uh, I've got them all listed here.
So San... Sanjay was in this band called The Nils, and I am pretty sure That, um, this dude Carlos in the Nils.
So, so, uh, Sanjay got clean after doing a lot of heroin.
And then I think this dude Carlos, or maybe he was, he had not done it yet, but Carlos goes, here, try this Coke.
And you're in a band, you know, there's lots of drugs around.
So he does the Coke and it turns out it's smack.
And he does it a couple of times.
The next thing you know, he's addicted to smack.
See, junkies want you to be a junkie too.
That's different.
Like, you don't really see that with Cokeheads.
Cokeheads don't want you to do their Coke.
Potheads are happy to share, but they don't really care if you get heavily into pot or not.
Junkies are totally different.
They want you to get addicted, and when you don't, when you quit or something, they're pissed off.
They want to get you back on the horse, even though it could kill you.
So, I think Carlos duped Sanjay into becoming a heroin addict, and then he decided he wanted to get clean, and his family got involved, and his family took him back to India.
Um, India is the epicenter of heroin, Sanjay.
So it's not a good place to go to get clean.
In fact, I've heard there that few people do get clean.
The way they do it is they chain you to a bed for 10 days.
But he OD'd there.
That is a doornail.
Uh, Chris was another kid that I used to hang out with, a super smart guy, we called him Black Chris because he always wore black, and he would make fun of me because I was punk, you know, when I was 20, and you're supposed to be over it by then, and he was, had long been over it, and he was in the scene way before me when I was a little kid, and he would always walk behind me and go, how goes the revolution?
Mocking punk rockness.
Brilliant guy.
Cool guy.
He died in 1995.
Sanjay was 96.
There was this kid, Phil, that was dating Melissa Oftermeyer.
Do you remember her?
She was like a big celebrity in our scene in Montreal because she joined the band Hole.
So everyone was in awe of her.
And she was just a cool 16-year-old who was sort of grunge before anyone else.
And she was dating Phil.
And Phil was funny and cool.
He got kicked out of school, got kicked out of McGill University, and then he got caught drunk driving, and got depressed, and was living back in Boston, and his dad came home one day and he was sitting on the couch, dead.
Then there was Jonathan in 1995.
He got Hep C from the needles and I think he hanged himself because back then Hep C was a death sentence.
Now you can have it cured.
It's 80 grand, I believe, which I'm happy to pay if it's going to save my life.
Just, you know, go on a payment plan.
And by the way, the hep C thing is very important because there's a lot of people you find out about who die of heroin but it's not listed as a heroin death because they'll do something like they'll get liver cancer.
So they'll quit and then 10 years later at the age of 38 they die of liver cancer and that's because they exhausted their liver doing heroin.
Hep C is another one.
So there's the heroin death and then there's the ancillary effects.
I think in 2016 we had something like 62,000 people OD.
And you know those are not pot and coke ODs.
Those are opioids.
62,000.
That's how many men we lost in Vietnam.
So this should be as big a crisis as the Vietnam crisis.
But it's not.
Why is that?
I think one of the reasons is Big Pharma is a big advertiser on both Fox News and CNN.
So, you know, you'll be watching Fox News and they'll say, we have a very brave scoop no one else is talking about.
And then it'll cut to Fentolax.
Ask your doctor about chronic diarrhea and the potential.
You watch some of these commercials and it's like, this is a preventative drug that can prevent liver tumors 30 years down the road.
And you think, do I really need to take that?
But they don't want to bite the hand that feeds them, so we don't hear about Big Pharma.
But we should.
We should hear about the families, too.
There's one family, there was a great article in The New Yorker, I think?
Maybe it was New York Magazine?
The family that built an empire of pain.
And it's about this one family, I think their pharmaceutical company, Purdue Pharma, produces OxyContin, I think.
But an addiction specialist that spoke to the magazine said, Sackler's firm, Purdue Pharma, bears the lion's share of the blame for the opioid crisis.
And then we also had these doctors in New York who just got caught taking bribes from big pharmaceutical companies.
Yeah, taking you know strippers prostitutes free trips to Disneyland and It said so that that article you can look it up It's called doctors charged an alleged painkiller kickback scheme in the New York Post and it said in reality many of the speaker programs Friedman Goldstein
Schlefstein, Voudaris, and Bourdukia, these are the names of the doctors, conducted were merely social gatherings at high-end restaurants with no educational presentation whatsoever, the indictment filed in Manhattan federal court said.
So, these guys were just taken out on the town.
No educated, no, no, no, you know, PowerPoints about the drug.
They're just taken out of the town and encouraged to prescribe these opioids and we're looking at 60,000 deaths.
Everywhere, like New York, Manhattan, Westchester.
Rich kids, poor kids, hillbillies.
That kid I told you about at the beginning of the show, who's on the side of the road?
Redneck.
In the middle of upstate New York.
And upstate New York, by the way, is indecipherable from the South.
They've got the Confederate flag, they got the camo, they watch Duck Dynasty, they love Larry the Cable Guy.
Upstate New York is the South.
So rednecks.
I was in Ohio a couple years ago.
I'm seeing junkie farmers.
You know, they're everywhere.
They know no class, no race.
And I think it starts with Big Pharma, then corrupt doctors, and then it's MS-13 and illegal immigrants who are bringing in the heroin.
And when you say Oxy's too expensive for you and you want to switch to the street stuff, that's when MS-13 comes in and goes, we got some street stuff right here, man.
Gordon died 1997.
He'd got his life together, but he fell off.
See, I'm not drinking Maker's Mark for Lent, but I have had some falls from grace.
I'm fine after the fall from grace.
Worst things that'll happen is I pee the bed.
You fall from grace when you're a junkie and you die.
I don't know how many junkies, most of the ones I'm listing here and thinking of, they died of a much more evil drug called Bud.
I would say 50% of the junkies I know of died of Budweiser.
You see, what happens is they're up to their $300 a day habit, and even if they don't shoot it, sometimes these guys will snort.
So they're snorting like, you know, those sugar packs that you get for your coffee?
That of heroin a day.
And then they quit, they get clean, they go to rehab, they get their life together.
Life is awesome.
They've done some serious damage, by the way, to the old liver, but at least they're alive.
And then they're at a bachelor party or something, And they say, I'll have one Budweiser that can't kill me.
I hope Budweiser doesn't sue me for this.
I'm being hyperbolic, M. Heiser Busch.
And then they have two, three, four, five.
And then they maybe do a shot.
Everyone's doing shots.
And then they go, let's get some Coke.
Then they get some Coke.
Then they're high.
Then a little too wired.
And then someone goes, I'm getting smack.
You want some heroin?
Yes.
Why not?
And then they cut out a line, a giant caterpillar, based on what they were used to before.
Boom, they OD.
That's what I think happened to Gordon.
I'm not giving you their full names.
Then there was Ben, the bartender at Max Fish.
He looked like Charlie Brown.
He seemed to die the same way with Budweiser's after getting clean.
You know what junkies do, by the way, after someone dies?
They run to find him.
They don't call the cops.
They go to his house because if that shit was pure enough to kill someone, it must be really good stuff.
So they run over to his house and try to get there before the cops do.
So they can get, if there's any bags on the floor, they can grab it.
See, that's why it's unique.
I think Satan is totally focused on opioids.
He's neglected all the other drugs.
Because isn't that a satanic thing to do?
To be rifling through a dead body's pockets?
I don't know, man.
That seems pretty... You don't hear about cokeheads doing that.
You don't even hear about speed addicts doing that.
Maybe meth?
I don't know much about meth.
I did do it once.
Um, the time I did, one of the only times I remember doing heroin, uh, we were all sitting around listening to Rolling Stones, which is what you're supposed to do.
I remember barfing a lot, and the barf just felt like taking a dump.
Like it wasn't a problem, just bleh.
Yeah, I barfed.
It's like going pee.
And I remember I came up with a funny bit.
Even, I'm so funny that I came up with a funny bit on heroin.
I said, uh, uh, hey, you know how, uh, Oh yeah, I remember two things, two funny bits from that, the last time I ever did Harem, which was probably like 15 years ago.
I said, hey, I feel like I was a little too high and I just barfed.
You talk like Keanu Reeves for some reason.
And I feel like now I could do, I could do any kind of job interview.
Like I feel more me than me.
I feel like a me dipped in me sauce.
Sort of like Adderall, but at a different angle.
90 degrees from Adderall, but the same sort of ultimate gav.
Ask me, like, let me do a job interview.
I'm even too uppity on Smack.
And the guy I was doing it with goes, what?
And I go, ask me, like, be a boss.
Like, you're the boss and you're asking me for a job.
Like, let's do a job interview.
And he goes, what?
And I go, just say like, so what can you do for the company?
Like normal questions.
And I bet I could do a really good job right now.
I feel like I could do a slam dunk.
I'm going to get this job.
And he's like, what?
I go, dude, ask me if I want a job.
And he's quiet for a minute and he looks at me and he goes, you want a fucking job?
That would be the best job interview ever.
You show up, and the boss is a junkie, and he's just like, you want a fucking job?
I actually used to get Adderall illegally from a corrupt doctor on Park Avenue, and he was a junkie, and he would talk like that.
You want some fucking Adderall?
He wore a snowboard pants, and his office was in an apartment building.
One time, I forgot my umbrella, and no, my wife's, my wife was also going there, and she forgot her umbrella, and I went back in to get it.
And there's a tranny, a black tranny, standing in front of him.
And he's sitting on the couch and he's holding her hand and looking up at her.
And as I walk in and grab my wife's umbrella, I hear him just look up and go, I don't understand you.
Like Ebonics was too thick.
I have an unturned stone there.
Oh yeah.
So the other funny thing I came up with with that same guy, Which, he wasn't really enjoying my humor, my heroine humor.
I go, hey, you know how they say you write really good songs when you're on smack?
And he goes, what?
Like, we're listening to the Stones.
They were junkies, right?
And they made some good jams.
I think I just wrote a song now.
Like, Jane's Addiction, they were all junkies.
Lou Reed, Jimi Hendrix, everyone was high on smack.
It makes you write good songs.
And he goes, what?
And I go, check it out.
Here's a song I just wrote right now on heroin.
You ready?
And he goes, what?
And then this was the song.
Ah.
Pretty good, huh?
Two hip, that was the guy.
He died of a beer.
He was in a gang called DMS who I'm very scared of and I hope I don't disparage them But I was at a party once he was an Asian dude, and he shows up DMS is a big gang still sorry not a gang sorry guys an organization in New York that's involved in the community community outreach programs and We're at a party on Avenue A, and he just shows up.
Hey, man, what's going on?
He's got like three guys with him, not on heroin, clean.
And then they break out dice, and we start a dice game.
Hey, and he's got money down.
We're playing dice in a kitchen on the linoleum.
Winning, too.
Everyone seemed to be winning.
And then there's a stand-up bass in the room.
He picks it up and starts like, doom-ba-doom-ba-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom, playing the stand-up bass.
And then, whoosh, just as quickly as he had come, foof, he was gone.
And that's kind of like his life.
Now, I'm not naming names here, and I'm cutting out a bunch of people because I realize it's boring to sit here and just name first names and tell you they died.
But the reason that I'm, you know, touching this list is to show you that these people don't become Sid Vicious.
They don't become legends.
In fact, outside of these little funny anecdotes without the last name, that's the only time you'll hear of them.
So, I get that Rasputin is on your shoulder telling you to die, but Um, please don't fall for the legend thing.
You're not, it's not live fast, die young.
You're not going out in a blaze of glory.
You're vanishing.
No one's going to remember you.
No one's going to talk about you.
They're just going to remember that you overindulged.
And if you have kids, God forbid, your kids aren't going to remember you favorably.
So, you're sleeping with a supermodel who has AIDS, and I don't know why you're doing it.
It seems like a really bad move, and yet, you know, I talk to these cops that, they sound like they're talking about satanic zombies, because they'll say, I give the guy Narcan, and he's pissed off at me.
Like, I've talked to an ER doctor who said I gave him Narcan, and then the junkie wants to fight me, because although I saved his life, I ruined his buzz.
I'm not exaggerating here.
And I've talked to cops or what they do.
I guess Narcan goes up your nose.
It's like an air pump.
I don't know.
And he said, what I do, and the professionals know how to do this.
He's calling himself a professional.
He goes, you just put it up the nose and you do little doses and you slowly bring them back.
Because if you do the full thing, they're just instantly sober as a judge.
And, uh, They don't like that.
Satan doesn't like losing his grip on people.
Alright.
That's basically all I wanted you to know, is that I've had a lot of friends that died on heroin.
I'm not saying that's a cool thing.
Heroin's a fine drug.
But it's not better than a ton of pot and a ton of booze and a shot and maybe a bump of coke or something.
It's not worth- and when I say heroin, I mean fentanyl, I mean oxy, I mean all these opioids.
They are evil.
You are getting into bed with Satan, and he's not gonna let go of you until you're dead or in jail.
And the fact that we're not hearing about this is a crime against humanity, to quote the card game.
The fact that we're not hearing about Big Pharma.
The fact that we don't hear more about this family.
What are they called?
The Sacklers.
I want us to focus more on the Sacklers.
On Purdue Pharma.
On these doctors.
Friedman, Goldstein, Schiffelstein, Viduris, Bordicchia.
We need to shine a light on these bastards because they are guilty of mass murder.
I'm sorry your back hurts from your operation.
You don't need Oxycontin to survive.
We don't need to die.
Go to CRTV.com.
Check out Get Off My Lawn.
It's there Monday to Thursday.
Got a new show coming out.
It's called CRTV Tonight with Gavin McInnes.
Same network, also behind a paywall.
These shows are free every Tuesday and Friday.
I like you more than a friend, and I'll see you on Friday.
And to all those doing heroin or any other opioid, you're going to die.
▲
Export Selection