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Oct. 31, 2017 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
41:58
Get Off My Lawn #21 | Who Cares?
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I just learned this weekend that that's a compilation album, Meaty Beatty, Big and Bouncy by the Who.
I went to a little hoo-hole on Saturday.
And I'm listening to that, I'm a boy, I'm a boy, but my mama won't admit it.
I'm a boy, I'm a boy, when I say I am, I get it.
And then I think, is Pete Townsend gay?
This is a trans song.
Remember when he went solo?
So the Who had that album, It's Hard, which just sounded like someone had just dialed it in.
It's like Pete went, I'll make you guys an album while I do my album.
So it had, his album was called like Hot Boys or something.
And it had a line, Hot Boys, out on the streets.
I want to suck and taste them.
You could just see yourself dancing like, hot boys, sort of.
And you want to what?
You want to suck and taste them?
And then the Who album that came out at the same time, it's hard.
How do these weird lyrics like, he got a snake the size of a sewer pipe living in his rib cage?
And I felt like a pickled priest who was being flumbaid.
You got me requisitioned, Blondie.
What are you talking about?
What is this, bad brains?
What is this?
Wu-Tang clan now?
So I looked it up, because remember there was that story that Pete Townsend was a pedophile and he was looking up kiddie porn.
But according to Wikipedia, which is often a very reliable source, he was on a porn site that may or they thought it might have said, click here for kitty porn, but it didn't say that, according to Wikipedia.
So it sounds like he was just a horny guy watching porn.
And if he'd follow this show using a time machine, he'd know, don't get involved in porn.
It's not good for you.
It's sort of like, remember there was a site called Rotten.com back in the 90s.
No, early 2000s, maybe?
Yeah, early 2000s.
And it was all like, you'd see someone getting decapitated and you'd see someone with a prolapsed anus and all this stuff that wasn't available on the rest of the web.
And you'd go, don't look at this, don't look at this, don't look at this.
It'd be like a kid getting hit by a car and you'd look at it and go, oh my God, why did I look at that?
It just wasn't natural for a person to see.
Same with porn.
It's not natural for a person to see that much fornicating.
And it's bad for your life.
Anyway, I chose that song, Boris the Spider, because it's a good Halloween jam.
And Halloween is here.
It's technically Tuesday.
But I find that most things going on in the news today and most of this show is never just the news.
You know, we're not a local station.
We don't say, there was a flood on 49th Street today.
We say, this is a thing that's going on and it's indicative of a much bigger pattern.
And the bigger pattern always seems to be busybodies telling us what to do because they've destroyed traditionalism and replaced it with farts.
And Halloween's a great example of that.
Halloween is a great tradition.
It predates Christianity.
It goes back thousands of years to pagan days.
And what's it about?
I'll tell you what it's about.
It's about cheating death.
You see, we all live in fear of death.
That's something that's bugging all of us at all times.
That's why we skitch off the road when we hear a car coming.
We all don't want to die.
That's why we wear a sunblock.
We're all trying not to die.
And that's why heroin is such a heavy drug.
Because it's a little rasputin on your shoulder and it goes, don't worry about it.
You can die.
You can die.
Who cares?
I'm not scared.
Are you scared?
And for the first time in your life, you go, wow, I'm not scared of dying.
And that's a very freeing feeling.
It's a very unnatural thing, like porn and death videos.
And people get addicted to that fearlessness.
That's why junkies dress so weird, too.
They'll have on a top hat and no shirt and overalls and one rubber boot.
And they can kind of carry it off because there's that confident.
And they end up dying, of course, because that little rasputin wins.
So I believe Halloween was originally formed to dress up like ghosts and say, let's take a day off from being scared of death all the time.
Let's be dead.
Ooh, I'm a spooky dead guy.
It's the same with Las Vegas.
You spend all year worrying about money, worrying about money.
You want to have two days where you allot yourself a loss and you go, I'm not scared of losing money.
And that's why people don't want to win in Vegas, by the way.
I saw this woman winning that little thing that pushes the coins over.
And she was furiously putting the money back in after she just won a big jackpot.
Because it's not about winning.
It's about losing and being okay with losing.
And Halloween's about dying and being okay with dying.
And over thousands of years, people got bored of always being a skeleton and always being a dead guy.
So they're like, I'm a hillbilly.
I'm a dead hillbilly.
Or I'm just a guy with a nice suit on and a top hat.
I used top hat twice in less than one minute.
That's not good entertaining.
And the fact that these guys are ruining it is a great litmus test of how far gone we are.
And that's what I'm going to focus on today.
I don't have any guests because I got too much to get through.
But I want to focus on how far we strayed from reality and how dogmatic these lunatics are.
I think, again, I'm kind of a good example of this.
I'm incredibly famous to a fault.
It sucks.
I walk down the street and people yell from their cars.
And four to five yell good stuff.
We love you.
Proud of your boy.
And I don't like that kind of adoration to, I love you.
Just like, right on, dude, but you're a god.
That kind of stuff.
I know I sound like a megalomaniac saying this, but this is how millennials talk.
There's no in-betweens for them.
So you're either human garbage or a god.
I don't like either of those things.
But I get four you're a gods for every you're a human garbage.
And no one seems to know why.
Like, no one, it's never based on something I've actually said or actually done.
And we'll get to that in a second.
But before we abandon Halloween, speaking of me, me, me, me, me, here's a cool costume.
He's me.
Is he the guy from Falling Down?
No.
No, he's me.
He's got a beard on and glasses, and then he's dressed like, so he's dressed like me, dressed like the Falling Down guy.
He got the briefcase and everything.
This, I hear, is in South Korea.
Oh, look, there's a black guy there.
South Korea of all places.
My brother lived there for a while.
He hated it.
Also in the news, I went to Anthony Kumia's Christmas party, and I've got pics.
Halloween is not, really partying for Halloween is for people who don't have kids.
I got kids, so I'm not going out to buy a big costume and get all involved.
So I just wrap myself in aluminum foil.
But here are some of the costumes for it.
I guess you're done with your parties.
You're grown-ups, right?
You're not going to dress up.
So this was Fred.
Fred grew up in an orphanage, Fred from Brooklyn, and this is his wife.
You know what he said to me once?
He said, he goes, I've been married for 50 years, and I would love to eat her out right now.
Because we were both talking about how much we love our wives.
You don't hear about that too often.
But there's plenty of us out there in Married Land who are very happy with the situation.
Whoops.
What did I just do?
Did I just trash a bunch?
Apple Z. Oh, Apple Z worked.
There's Anthony.
Neither of us had an outfit that afternoon.
And I just wrapped myself in tinfoil.
He just went to the store and bought this awesome costume.
It was probably like 50 bucks.
Look, it's got a helmet and everything.
That's the guys in the Star Wars who were doing the thing with the stuff.
Then there was Rick and Morty.
This is Big A, who stutters quite a bit.
I can't really tell if he's handicapped or not.
I don't know.
He's shy and he stutters a lot.
So we don't have a lot of conversation.
So he could have a normal IQ or be special.
There's Ron Burgundy, but that's Eric, what's his name from Fox News?
Tara Jacoway used to do the booking for Red Eye.
There's Bill Schultz.
The theme was science fiction, and Bill Schultz just dressed like a German guy.
And I go, how is that the future?
And he goes, I'm a guy in the year 2070 who did 23andMe and discovered that he's one-eighth German, which he didn't know.
And now he's obsessed with Liederhausen.
I go, that sounds very different from last year where I saw you dress like a German guy and you had to crowbar your stupid costume into that outfit.
Look at this costume, though.
Look at these shoes.
These shoes, by the way, this is Back to the Future guy.
These shoes lit up Marty Fly, Marty McFly.
And I go, are those shoes that go around your shoes?
He goes, no, these are shoes shoes.
So he's wearing shoes shoes, has a hoverboard and everything.
Didn't have the right face, though.
I don't know.
It didn't work.
This is funny.
So there's Anthony's brother, Joe, and his wife as cone heads.
This guy is, I guess, a Mexican.
I don't know what's going on there.
I should know that.
But this guy, Mike, shows up as the robot from Futurama, and he goes, God damn it, this is hot.
So he just took it off.
He took this off maybe eight minutes after getting to the party.
Then we had Dr. Spock, John Sereno, some guys who were some sort of guys.
Oh, this is Aunt's girlfriend was good.
She was David Bowie in Labyrinth, complete with the huge bulge.
I don't know if you've ever seen that movie, but David Latherin, David, David Labyrinth.
David Bowie plays a villain, and he's got a massive package in the front, and it's really distracting.
Even my kids, they go, I don't like his pants in that movie.
And there's Anthony's brother-in-law, always with the perfect costume.
Look at that thing.
He always looks exactly like the guy.
He was Dr. Johnny Fever last year.
And then there was, this is Anthony's wife, wife, Anthony's sister with Anthony's engineer.
I sound like I'm missing my old job, don't I?
Oh, how about this insane knockout?
This woman is my cup of tea.
She's got a 26-year-old.
She's my age.
Long, eight-foot-long legs.
I was kind of lurking on her all night, actually.
I was lurking on Dawn too, Anthony's sister, which isn't cool.
Anthony's sister's ass is so incredible that when I first saw it, I felt sorry for her because I thought, she's gone and had a butt, butt implant.
That's really sad.
What a piece of trash.
Anthony got some money and he bought his sister a butt implant.
It wasn't true.
That was her normal butt.
But you know your butt's good when people feel sorry for you because they think you had surgery.
This guy was funny.
This isn't a good picture of him, but he had a Wi-Fi helmet on and a bunch of Ethernet cables.
And he pretended that he misunderstood the theme of the party and thought it was Wi-Fi, not sci-fi.
And that was, you know how you have a joke when you're drunk and you do it to death?
And my joke was just screaming sci-fi, sci-fi, at him.
It's not funny at all.
But I was obsessed with it all night.
All right.
Well, there we've got Roger Strong.
We'll talk about him in a sec.
We got to discuss the front page of the Post, as is our wont.
Malia Takis for mayor.
Now, this is a Republican going for mayor of New York.
The odds of that happening are very low, but stranger things have happened, like Trump.
So I am backing this bitch.
She is cool and ballsy.
I saw her do a talk once, and she's had enough of de Blasio.
Let's remember, de Blasio was elected because of his son's hair.
His son did a current.
His wife's black.
Very unattractive woman.
I'd say she's a four.
And he's a tall, famous guy.
He could get anyone he wanted, and he went with a four.
She looks like a gremlin pre-sunlight.
Anyway, they made cute little mulatto kids.
And one of them is a boy, and he has a giant afro, because that's calling Kaepernick cool these days.
It means black power and stuff.
It's 70s.
Anyway, he does a commercial.
Maybe you Can dig this up, Dave.
He does a commercial where he talks about de Blasio, blah blah blah.
He wants this, he wants that, and the kid is looking very black in it.
And then at the end, he goes, Maybe I'm a little biased because he's my dad.
And then de Blasio's ratings went through the roof, and he won.
And he is so corrupt.
There he is.
That's the look.
This is why de Blasio is the mayor.
Isn't that amazing?
A hairdo got him elected.
Let's watch that just for a second to see how long we can take it.
I want to tell you a little bit about Bill de Blasio.
He's the only Democrat with the guts to really break from the Bloomberg years.
The only one who will raise taxes on the rich to fund early childhood and after-school programs.
He's got the boldest plan to build affordable housing, and he's the only one who will end a stop-and-frisk era that unfairly targets people of color.
That's it.
Bill de Blasio will be a mayor for every New Yorker.
There's 900 things wrong with that, just in those few sentences.
After-school programs, lunch programs, yeah, $7 million in debt we went on those.
And parents would just go, rich parents, me, my kids used to go to public school.
My wife would say, do you guys want to pack lunch or do you want to just get the lunch that's there?
It just became a thing of convenience.
Total ripoff, total farce.
Affordable housing.
Speaking of my kids, my daughter, we're driving through Harlem and there's a massive project that goes over the highway.
And my daughter goes, what's that?
I go, it's affordable housing.
And she goes, what's that?
And I said, oh, it's houses that are cheap so people can afford to live in New York City.
And she goes, why?
And I went, I don't know.
Why is that?
Why do we supply that?
I have no idea.
Like, why is it your right to live in Manhattan?
Is it your right to live in the Upper East Side?
In the Lower East Side, we got projects that overlook the river.
I mean, the property would be worth, each apartment would be worth $2 to $3 million.
But you live there for $700 a month because you deserve to be in Manhattan.
Why can't you commute?
You're on welfare, by the way.
It's not like you need to get to work.
And then, again, the thing about racist racial profiling, as Bloomberg pointed out, whites were actually stopped with stop and frisk more than they are proportionally represented in the local crimes.
So that was BS2.
Oh, I forgot two costumes, by the way, didn't I?
No, I forgot one costume.
This was an interesting costume, speaking of race.
It was two guys in whiteface.
Isn't it funny how you see a black guy wearing a shirt that fits him tucked in and his pants up and you think, that looks good.
And you realize, oh, you're making fun of me.
He's making fun of white people.
Whereas when I saw it, I went, hey, you look like a well-organized young black man who has a funny head, I guess, for Halloween, but the rest of you is normal.
No, no, that's a costume, Gav.
Oh, well, that's too bad, because you look great.
But they're also wearing MAGA hats.
And dude, you can't have your dreads like that in your face, silly.
At least put them in a ponytail.
This is a guy.
You're supposed to be a white guy?
Look at this guy's face.
How are you a white guy?
You have dreads in your face.
It looks like you're bleeding dreads.
No, that doesn't count.
But anyway, this is problematic.
It's racist, I guess, if we go by the rules.
It's also funny.
And I totally support that outfit.
Oh, I forgot to show my own costume.
Can you find that?
I think I put it on Instagram.
I just covered myself in tinfoil, which hurts like hell.
I mean, it's literally shrapnel.
So over the course of the night, the pieces in your inner elbow break and then they become sharp and they start ripping you to shreds.
I always give women crap for not wearing high-heel shoes because they're uncomfortable.
But there we are.
Most of the guys at Anthony's party bailed on their costumes.
He was the only one wearing one on halfway in.
All right, let's get to the news, shall we?
In the news, Roger Stone has been permanently banned from Twitter.
Our own Raj.
I think he's in New York now.
I got to meet him.
I'm going to go to Cernovich's doing a talk at Columbia.
I've got to Knights of Columbus meeting, and then I'm going to go there.
Does Roger Stone have hair plugs?
It's none of my business if he does.
Jim Goad does.
So why is he permanently banned?
Do you have what he said, Dave?
I think he was insulting Don Lemon.
He called him a cov sucker, which is not a swear word.
Stop lying about the Clintons and uranium, you ignorant lying Kovsg sucker, you fake news, you dumb piece of zzz.
So he didn't even swear.
I can say it on my show, what he wrote.
And by the way, if you want to get into people swearing, check out any liberal on Twitter talking about Trump.
And the uranium thing, by the way, so that's, we know that whole story, right?
It's incredibly complicated.
But a long time ago, Hillary Clinton was wooing this Eastern European guy in some stupid Russian communist, weird country where they look part Asian, like Kazakhstan or something.
And he has uranium.
Her Canadian miner friend wanted it, but he said no.
Then Bill Clinton did a talk for, I think, half a million, where he talked about how wonderful this despot is who owns the uranium soon after Hillary's friend got to mine uranium.
And now Russia has access to most of the uranium in the world.
I'm totally botching this story, but the point is that our enemies got too close to too much uranium.
And it was thanks to Hillary when she was foreign press secretary or whatever she was, foreign affairs lady, lady of the foreign affairs.
Here's something controversial to say as a right-winger.
I don't think it's that huge of a deal.
Of course it's a huge deal that she was doing pay-to-play.
But as far as the uranium threat goes, my understanding is most of the uranium used from nuclear weapons is recycled.
So you don't really need to mine uranium for nuclear weapons, is what I've heard from mining guys.
But the point is that the left is hiding the gossip.
And Roger Stone dared to bring that up with censored swear words and is banned.
Milo Giannopoulos, banned from Twitter.
Why?
Because someone that likes him pretended to be Leslie Jones and said a rude tweet about Milo.
For that, Leslie Jones goes, I didn't even say that.
Someone's hacking my account.
This isn't true.
Twitter, do something.
No problem.
Milo's banned.
And then the narrative becomes Milo was making fun of Leslie Jones and calling her a big fat black woman, which she is.
And so that's, you know, as Tommy Sotomayor says, black women are double protected.
But check out Keith Olbermann, by the way.
So Roger Stone is banned for daring to say cov sucker.
But how about a day without an effing gun massacre, you f ⁇ ing, oops, you effing fox whore?
He's funny.
I know people that know Keith Oberman.
Well, I did before I got dumped for Trump.
But back when I knew comedians and liberals and all those New York hipsters, sort of media people, they would hang out with Keith and tell me, actually, you guys are right on this one.
He's a effing nightmare.
He's brutal.
Do you have that Keith Oberman thing?
He was really good on Twitter.
I live in perpetual fear of being blocked by him.
I was following Sean King for a while, enjoying every minute of it.
Then he found out who I was and blocked me, and I missed out on so much comedy.
Tariq Nasheed, I'm blocked from.
There's so many great guys out there who are hilarious boobs and I'm blocked, especially women.
Feminists, they discover you fast.
Most feminists that have blocked me, I haven't even seen their Twitter yet.
But Oberman, I still got.
And wow, is he the gift that keeps giving?
What do we got here?
Oh, yeah.
Patriotic My Ass.
She's in violation of the U.S. flag code.
The flag should never be used as wearing apparel.
He's happy to use it as wearing apparel.
Oh, look at his face.
I think it would be fun to hang out with him.
I think he's so bad he's good.
It would be like the Perry Project, which you can look up on your own time.
Windy City Heat.
It's a quarter century long prank that Jimmy Kimmel's been funding that is hilarious.
But go back to the other picture.
I don't think this is a violation.
Can you go big on that pic?
She's, that's not the flag she's wearing.
The one arm is stars.
The other arm is stripes.
That's very close to the flag.
That's heavily influenced by the flag, but she's not wearing the U.S. flag.
She's wearing the same components of the U.S. flag on a fun outfit.
Tommy Lauren, by the way, doesn't do it for me.
I have, there's certain women, we should do a whole segment on this, but there's certain women who are incredibly hot.
I'm not denying.
Tommy Lauren is an 8.9, I'm going to say.
High eights.
And I'm not feeling anything.
Lady Gaga is another one, just not there.
I think as I get older, my taste gets weirder.
Like I showed you that 46-year-old woman at the Halloween party.
She was, I just consider perfection.
The laugh lines and the wrinkles, I love that.
And I'm not the only one.
You might say I'm a pervert.
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join me in the nude.
Nude, diddly, nude.
Nude.
Nude men.
How naive do you have to be to think that you're sexy in the nude?
My wife, I've known her since 2001.
And I know that when she sees me nude, like walking out of the shower, or I'm a nude guy.
I just sleep in the nude.
I walk down the hallway in the nude.
I know that when I walk by her in the hallway, she's not like, well, hello.
I know it looks funny.
God was clearly making it clear that we're clearly not the fairer sex.
Have you seen a scrotum and a penis?
There's no way.
I mean, erect, you might have a point.
But just a dink hanging down there?
No woman on earth goes yes.
Meanwhile, a vagina, I mean any part of a woman, even fat woman.
Oh, can we jump ahead, speaking of fat woman?
No.
Should we?
No, we'll get to that.
We'll get to that.
I want to show you some of my types, but I'll lace it through.
We've got to stick to the news here.
Kevin Spacey came out as gay.
Am I dumb?
Who didn't know Kevin Spacey was gay?
Who else is going to come out?
Shep Smith?
Don Lemon?
Is Anderson Cooper?
Is Liberace gonna, are we gonna find out Liberace was gay?
Kevin Spacey was always gay.
He was out.
He was the outiest out ever.
But it brings up something important.
I shared a lot on my old show, but I don't think I've mentioned it on this show.
Guys, if you imagine Kevin Spacey's head floating above the bed during intercourse, it buys you an extra two to five minutes of time.
Now, I made this in Photoshop just before we started the show.
He's looking at an angle, so that's not exactly what I ask.
He should be looking straight at you.
Now, I tell this to a lot of guys, and they think I'm gay, or they think I have some sort of strong opinion on Kevin Spacey.
I feel nothing for Kevin Spacey.
Kevin Spacey and my dog are in the same boat.
I hope I wish them the best.
I don't care if they live or die.
If Kevin Spacey had his head blown off tomorrow, I would be reading the newspaper like, oh, geez.
I'd want to know where it happened because I'd go, that's a violent place.
Kevin Spacey can get his head blown off.
Who else could?
But I'm recommending you blow Kevin Spacey's head off if you're getting blown.
And I don't know what it is.
It's magic.
And I knew he was gay.
That wasn't part of it.
And it's better than baseball stats.
It's better than doing the alphabet backwards.
It's better than imagining your daughter naked, your dad naked being attacked by dogs.
Kevin Spacey's head floating out of the bed is a gift.
And I cannot explain it.
I just know it works.
And I want you to try it.
And I'll tell you what, the reason I harp on it so much is because guys come up to me after and they go, hey man, that Kevin Spacey thing, I don't know.
I've never even seen House of Cards.
He's not on my radar.
But I did it and two minutes, two minutes I bought.
Also in the news, everyone is talking about my donut.
Now, a long time ago, I said the alt-right and the alt-left are the same.
And I know they're at far ends of the spectrum, but if you were to take the political spectrum and bend it, then you would see the convalescent, is that the word I'm looking for?
With socialism, atheism, the JQ, which is, the JQ is the Jewish question.
The far right says, let's discuss the Jews.
It's like the elephant in the room to them.
The far left is far more open about it.
They don't say it's the elephant in the room.
They just scream at the elephant and say, Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews are everywhere.
Jews control everything.
You'll notice with the rest of the spectrum, Jews don't really come up much.
It's not a thing.
Like, you don't hear libertarians or liberals even or the alt-light or neocons.
Paleocons a little bit.
Black Lives Matter quite a bit, actually.
Socialists don't talk about it.
It sort of ramps up at either end, which is why I bent it into a donut, and we see that they are the same on those.
Talk to a liberal, talk to a school, and say, hi, we have Alan Dershowitz.
He's very pro-Israeli dude.
He's a Zionist, I guess you'd say.
I would call myself a Zionist.
He's a Zionist.
Can he speak here?
Hell to the no.
They are very pro-Hamas at schools now, pro-Palestine.
Then you go to the far, far right.
I think they would agree with Hamas too.
They would agree with Palestine.
They hate Israel and all Jews.
Actually, I think the far right understands Israel because they see it as an ethno-state, so they like it.
Although when I was there, I saw Muslims living there out the wazoo, including ones who worked in the Israeli parliament.
How insane is that?
The far right says Israel is too scared to have open borders.
They've got pretty open borders.
They're pretty diverse in that country.
To a fault, I would say.
Like when terrorists attack them, they will treat them medically.
Anyway, so Dershowitz went and he did a, he went to do a talk at a school.
This is the same guy.
Alan Dershowitz is a liberal.
I'm trying to get him on my show, but I don't know if he's ignoring me or not.
He's a liberal.
Now, he dared to say I'm a liberal who's pro-free speech, which is in their book, in the little liberal handbook.
It says pro-free speech.
It has a picture of Berkeley in 1960.
But they've changed their mind about free speech because Nazis also like it.
So what's good for the goose is not good for the gander.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend, and we now hate free speech.
But they had this sinister cartoon of him that I, as an ex-cartoonist, am very offended by because it's so badly drawn.
Do you have that cartoon?
What the hell?
So it has the liberal face, the liberal case for Israel.
No, his book is called The Case for Israel, by the way.
And it has him sticking his head out.
But then it has him also holding up the Israeli defense, what are they called, Federation?
Killing innocent Palestinians and stamping on Palestinians.
But look at the physics of his body.
Can you go full screen on that?
What the hell is happening with his feet?
I get his back.
I don't really get what's happening to his left arm.
Is he on top of someone?
That's not how physics works, kids.
If anything, this shows you how bad millennials are at trying stuff.
This is not a good drawing.
But anyway, Dershowitz goes, the far left is just like the far right.
Do you have that?
And you know, when I published my rough drawing of that fancy chart I showed you, Richard Spencer saw it and said, Gavin, just continue to be everyone's loving, beloved, aging hipster.
Stick to your pop culture stuff.
And I went, oh, that hurt my feelings.
I guess I am just a dumb clown.
And a month later, everyone's screaming what the G-Dog was screaming.
I'm sorry to be tooting my own horn so much, but I believe it deserves a little bit of a toot here.
So Dershowitz says, there is very little difference between the Nazis on the hard right and the anti-Semites on the hard left.
You're welcome, Al.
And then we go to Prager U. Prager U. Oh, do I have that video?
I can't.
No, I think you have it queued up.
Yeah, I have something else queued up.
Go to Prager U talking about the alt-right.
Alt-right means alternative.
The alt-right is an alternative to American conservatism.
So it's no surprise then that the alt-right has far more in common with the left, another alt-right.
Can you just pause it here?
Can I bring up a total tangent?
I was at a dinner party the other day and I was talking to my friend, Italian guy, and I said, I'm starting to wonder if the word is dead, if writing is dead.
I don't write my column anymore.
I'm going to have a website for this page and I guess I'll start writing again.
But he said, no, no, think about it.
You don't remember a video, you see, but when you read a book, when you read something, it sticks with you much longer.
I'm doing Count Dankula, Count Dracula.
And I thought, yeah, I guess that's true.
I guess the written word sticks with you longer, but I'm not positive.
And I'm looking at this, and my mind's wandering, and I'm thinking, kids today don't read.
They just watch spoon-fed videos.
And this is, Prager used wonderful, by the way.
So if you're going to be spoon-fed, make sure it's Prager.
But another part of me thinks, is that so bad?
Like the argument I used with my WAP friend was I was watching John Adams with Paul Giamatti, the HBO miniseries.
And as I'm watching it, I see the horse cart.
I see how much horse manure is on the cobblestone streets.
I see the woman's dress in the background, the way they dress then.
That's much more information than I would get from a book.
I know it's blasphemous to say, especially as a writer, but I can't help but think it's not a bad thing that Americans don't read.
Sorry, but this is a very easy way to digest information.
And how is it more valid?
How is it truer than the written word?
People publish anything.
I bet there's a thousand books that say Bush did 9-11.
So just because it's in a book doesn't mean it's more valid.
All right, what's he saying?
To conservatism than it does with the traditional American right.
Let me try to untangle this.
Both the left and the alt-right are obsessed with race and identity politics, the belief that a person's value is linked to their racial heritage.
The left wants special status for racial and ethnic minorities.
The alt-right wants special status for the racial and ethnic majority.
Since America, according to the alt-right, was founded by white Europeans...
I think that's pretty un-American.
Both cases.
America is meant to be a meritocracy.
If you're good at it, you can do it.
Come on in.
Look at me.
Back to me.
Always back to Gav.
I've had my career flush down the toilet a dozen times, and I just start a new career because I'm a hard worker.
And America rewards hard workers.
I don't care what they're doing.
What if you're sweeping a bodega, Gavin?
Yeah, keep sweeping that bodega.
Come up with some ideas for the manager of the bodega.
Eventually he'll say, can you help me out with this new one?
Next thing you know, he's opening a third one in the Bronx, and he says, if you open it for me as you beautifully open and close this bodega every day and I never have to worry about it, then I'll give you sweat equity.
I'll give you 10%.
Next thing you know, you got 20% of the next one, 30% of the next one.
Next thing you know, you're half owner in about five bodegas.
Making $100,000 a year in 10 years.
All right, let's get to some goss.
My buddy Jesse Keiller from the band Death from Above 1979, my old Vice Records label discovered him.
He has disavowed me as a racist, alt-right, whatever, radical.
He never said racist, but how quick we are to capitulate with any kind of controversy.
Now, to go back 10 steps, my record label, Vice Records, discovered them, but I can't take credit for that.
I had nothing to do with Vice Records.
I have bad taste in music.
Sarush Alvi, the guy I started Vice with, the guy had a gift.
I mean, he would listen to an album or hear a band and go, these guys are going places.
And inevitably, a year later, they'd be huge.
Block Party, The Streets, DFA 1979.
I think DFA 1979 was a CD, a demo we got, and it was picked out of the garbage.
And this guy that Sarush hired said, listen to this.
And they signed them.
They became big.
Jesse and I went to Japan together, partied, became pals.
And Jesse's right wing.
Sorry, I don't think I'm selling him out.
He's been on my show a bunch of times.
He's a gun guy, obsessed with guns, camo.
He loves to hunt.
He's a survivalist for crying out loud.
And he's an Indian.
He doesn't look it, but he's half Indian.
And the thing about Indians is they like me.
They like conservatives for two reasons.
One, they're big on the family.
Because every time you're with an Indian, his mother's always like, what is going on, Rajiv?
Please, are you going to settle down?
And that's good.
I wish they would do that.
America, the West could do with a big dose of a nagging mother constantly insisting they settle down and try out having a family.
Oh, please, buddy.
Don't be an off-duty, buddy.
So they have that.
And then also Muslims.
You have to understand, there was a civil war in India with Muslims.
They separated the entire country.
Britain said, hey, Pakistan, we're calling you Pakistan.
And then everyone, all the Muslims go north, and all the Hindus go south and just stop fighting.
Agreed?
F that buddy.
So as the Muslims were going north, the Hindus were slaughtering them on the trains.
Because as the Hindus were going south, the Muslims were slaughtering them on the trains.
To the tune of millions, I believe.
And so that's a deep-seated animosity.
Because if you want to know someone who's Islamophobic, talk to people who live next to them.
And lots of Muslims refuse to go to Pakistan.
So India has more Muslims than any place in the world, I believe.
And that means, that makes for a tough time.
It's weird having Kevin Spacey's face there in the background.
Let me just have Twitter in the background.
So anyway, this guy writes an article a million years ago, I think it was last year, about how Jesse is a racist because he knows me and he's alt-right.
I'm not alt-right.
And so he should apologize.
And Kurt Schwitters, click on his name there.
This is all he's ever written.
Scroll down.
He's got one article to his name.
And remember, Medium isn't a website.
It's more like a blog, Twitter.
Anyone can post there.
It's just a place to barf out your garbage.
There's no checks and balances.
So some guy barfs out an article.
I believe it was a year ago.
Jesse starts freaking out.
And it was, the whole impetus war was appearing on my old show.
And also, I called him a proud boy.
But this is back before the proud boys were a thing, and it just meant a guy who likes America and guns and stuff and isn't a liberal.
It meant non-liberal, which today is a sin.
Now, these kids, these millennials, they are calling for a boycott of his shows.
And when I first heard that, I thought, wow, that's a pretty thorough lifestyle you lead.
Every time I go see a show, I agree with all of the politics of all of the band members and that of all of their friends.
I'm perfect.
Like, isn't that kind of demanding?
Every band you see, you have to agree with all of the members' friends' politics.
And they probably would if I could sit them down or get them on the show.
But anyway, this article goes on to say that I'm evil and I'm bad.
And scroll down.
There's one really strange part here.
Jesse dared to be with us on Election Day.
Ooh, gross.
Keep going.
Keep going.
Oh yeah, look at this picture.
So I'm wearing a screwdriver shirt, which is a Nazi band.
And that means I'm a racist, and I have a white power tattoo, it says.
Now, that shirt I'm wearing was in an interview with Momus, who is a Scottish electronic music performer that I love to mess with because when I thought he was Scottish, I first met him.
I was like, oh, Scots are very bombastic.
And I thought we're going to be wedging people and smashing windows and fighting.
But he's so unbelievably timid.
Hello, I'm Momus, and he has an English accent because he never really lived in Scotland.
So I love antagonizing him with shirts like that.
But even the shirt, I believe, is perfectly safe because it has a Robert Crumb drawing that parodies racism.
And just to make crystal clear, there's no hard feelings, I'm wearing a Michael Jackson pin on the same shirt.
And just to be triple sure, I'm in Tokyo.
We are in Tokyo at that point.
So I show up in my white jeans, that ridiculous costume, and mommy goes, oh my lord, what are you doing, Kaffin?
And I'm making fun of him.
So that's that explained.
And again, they want us to sit here and explain stuff because it's us chasing our tail in a circle.
And it's ironic that I'm sitting here explaining that while discussing Jesse chasing his own tail.
But I'm not sitting here apologizing for that.
I'm just telling you how mental they are.
And it gets more mental when you get to the tattoo.
The tattoo they're talking about, I learned later, is this here.
I've got blue fists holding lightning bolts.
Now, this is back when I was an early 20-something.
And my tattoos from back then are brutal, brutal.
Look at this.
Feminism with an E in it for equality.
That's a woman's symbol.
Crass, peace.
I've got anarchy up here.
And I've got, wait, peace, love.
I forgot.
I've forgotten what my tattoos are.
Oh yeah, vegetarianism.
I've got a bullhorn to mean vegetarianism.
And then here it says in Arabic, arm your desires with an AK-47.
You see, back in the early 90s, Palestinian, like, you didn't know what a Palestinian was.
You just saw guys with kafias and AKs and you thought, you're a revolutionary.
Go arm your desires, man.
You could argue it was an anti-Israeli tattoo if I'd thought about it that much.
But apparently, Screwdriver had a newsletter once that had a guy holding a lightning bolt, so this must be a white power tattoo.
A white power tattoo surrounded with Arabic writing and feminism and crass and all this other crap.
This is what I mean when I say it's not fake news.
It's mentally ill news.
You have Nazi glasses.
You have a myopic obsession.
That's it, folks.
Boy, time flies on Mondays.
That's why I don't have guests because there's too much to get out, too much news.
I haven't seen you in three days.
I only got to half of my Jesse Keillor friends stabbing you in the back biopic.
I'll get to the second half tomorrow.
I'll have guests.
I think I got Terry Shepard on.
I'm not sure.
Remember, folks, the best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.
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