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Dec. 23, 2013 - GabCast Bellgab.com
59:55
23 December, 2013

23 December, 2013 ---------- 2013:

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Hey everybody It's a Gabcast 2.0 a podcast about bellgab.com We've got Onin with us.
We've got Jazz Munda.
I'm Eddie Dean.
If you guys want to call us tonight, the number is 602-399-7131.
We're going to take calls right off the bat.
If you guys want to call in with your top right banner quote that you can enter for the book that we're giving away tonight, The Coming Global Superstorm.
It's a very used book, but we will give it away.
So call us at 602-399-7131.
Hey guys, how you doing?
I'm good, Eddie.
How about you?
I think this is the sick holiday version of the Gabcast 2.0.
I've got this thing in the back of my throat.
So I'm going to be hitting the car.
Got a city in the back of mind.
How do you feel, Jazz?
How's your throat?
You got anything stuck in the back of your throat?
No, it's summertime here, so I don't get those man-flu stuff.
But I'm just really stressed at the moment because it's school holidays here.
And up until about 10 minutes before the broadcast, I had a house full of kids.
And now you try telling a two-year-old and a five-year-old who are so ecstatic to see their dad home early from work that he doesn't have time to play with them and that he's going to go lock himself in a dark room and speak with a bunch of strangers on the internet.
Do they think you're weird?
Yeah, they think maybe a little creepy.
Yeah.
It's like I have to try to, since I mentioned that I was going to be coming to the US in June, I've had a few people sort of reach out to me in the PMs and sort of say, oh, you know, if you're in the US, you know, if you're anywhere near this place or that, then you're welcome to meet up with me for a drink or that.
And like for me, if it was up to me, it wouldn't be an issue.
I'd gladly, gladly do that.
However, you try convincing my wife.
Sure, blame it on your wife.
Yeah.
That we're just going to go out to the desert and have a token some booze around the campfire with an absolute stranger that I met on the internet.
Yeah, yeah, honey, he's a really cool guy, you know.
I don't know his real name, but he's got this really cool avatar.
And he's promised me that he wouldn't molest us or harvest our organs.
So yeah, I don't think that's going to fly.
Or shoot you full of animal tranquilizers and wrap you in plastic wrap.
Yeah.
Via the Dexter activity.
Your wife is being so unreasonable.
I know, I know.
Very unreasonable.
So how many requests have you actually got to meet up with the Jazz Munda?
You're very well liked, Jazz.
And I like your energy tonight, too, by the way.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
And I've had a few people, like some that, yeah, I definitely would meet up with.
And then there are others that who shall remain nameless that I would definitely not.
I think I'm in the shall rename nameless colony.
Definitely not.
Do you guys want to talk about the quotes that we got for this book giveaway?
I would.
And I finally achieved everything I've been set out to do since I joined Belgab or CoastGab.
I made it to the top.
You did.
Nice.
And you're not meant to try because what I said, I wasn't even trying to get up there.
You can't understand how many times I've tried to write something witty to get up there and it's just failed.
You're just kidding me.
Was just being myself, and I got up there today.
Wow, that was your shit up.
What was your quote?
It was, I was just thrilled to see the word bloke up there.
Ah, yeah.
Do you guys know what the word bloke means?
It just means dude or guy, right?
It's a Uzzy or even a British, uh, British slang for a guy.
Yeah, yeah.
You're on the air.
Hey, what's going on, guys?
Steelbot.
What's up, man?
Hey, I just was calling.
I didn't send in no quote, but I always like the quote: fuck you and your tapes.
I always thought that was a good thing.
Fuck you.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That was pretty sure it'll take a little bit looking around.
Guild Navigator, I think, was.
It was indeed Guild Navigator.
Way to spoil it, Jazz, way to spoil it.
That was in the Nuthuggers crew, right?
Yeah.
It was indeed at the time of the Nuthuggers crew.
And that's when everybody pretty much lost their mind on Bellgab, on the quits thread, or Bell Quits Dark Matter.
Yeah, that was kind of the breaking ground for it.
Yeah, I agree.
But if I need something in the big corner and it's not getting posted, go ahead.
It was a big deal that time.
No, no, that's all right, though.
I was just going to say it was a big deal because that's when everybody was pretty much at everybody else's throats too.
So nobody really knew what the hell to do.
Well, you know, I kind of missed the guy that kind of was the reason for starting that thread, but he hasn't been around for a while.
I don't know what happened, but we kind of referenced it to Willie D.
Yeah, who was that, Willie D?
No, no.
He had an avatar of himself.
A peace offering kind of avatar after everybody was.
Oh, not Willie D, but I had a review about the other guy.
I know.
Yeah, and he and I kind of had words of one.
We, you know, we settled our things.
He was a pretty cool guy.
He wasn't trying to be mean or nothing.
And I just thought the quote was funny.
I didn't think that it really totally everybody already had appreciated a guy for what he had done and continues to do with the tournaments and the archiving of the show and helping do all that.
Yeah, he has a funny ass doing that.
The guys that are doing get off the phone here and let you guys take more calls and get other things going on.
All right, man.
Thanks, Steelbot.
Yep.
Later.
It was widespread.
Widespread.
He had a huge collection of old art bell shows, right?
And some of them were on tape, cassette tape, and some of them were on VCR tape that he recorded off the radio, I believe.
Yeah.
And I must say, a lot of what he had was not out there.
And for the collector like myself, it's an absolute gold mine.
And I don't think he's even finished doing it, but I think he's stopped doing it.
So that's a bit of a shame.
Jazz, what percentage of the shows do you think are on our archive that people can download?
Is there a percentage you can put on it or 50% or 80% or is it unknown?
I think it would be unknown.
I mean, I could work it out.
Obviously, not now, but it'd be a small percent.
Because think of it.
He was doing five days a week, you know, for how many years?
From what, 89, 88?
Yeah, I've never seen anything from before 90.
I've seen one from 92.
I've seen one from 93.
Sort of, you know, a couple from 94, 95, you're starting to get more, and up and up, you're getting more.
But he did five shows a night, you know.
Sometimes, wasn't it six?
Yeah, yeah, with Dreamland.
Dreamland.
I never listened to Dreamland.
Was that just, he was just talking to a guest and he didn't take any callers?
Is that what the format was?
Yeah.
Pretty much.
It was usually, usually, he would speak with Linda Moulton Howe for half an hour or an hour.
Then he would have another guest on, and yeah, it was usually no calls and a shorter show.
Wow, I didn't realize that Linda has been on his show for such a long time.
Yeah, she's been on for a very long time, as long as I can remember.
She's really great.
The way she brings the stories in and acts like a real reporter talking about all this crazy, crazy shit, you know, the paranormal stuff, UFOs and blood draining and all that stuff.
I wish she would have done more talking and quit hitting the display button on her little tape recorder.
Yeah.
I always find that to be disconcerting.
Yeah, look, apparently there's a lot of dislike for her out there that I was never aware of because I always liked her.
She was always out there getting the story out there.
Didn't seem like she had much of an agenda.
She had books and tapes and stuff, but it wasn't like she was on there trying to sell it.
Haters gonna hate.
That's right.
Pretty much, yeah.
So, Jazz, you want to read the quotes?
Get everybody started so they can scour Bell Gab and call us with their own quote for a chance to win the book.
Let me go to it.
Silly me not being ready.
Okay.
Our first quote was.
So what format are we doing?
Are we just who said the quote?
Who submitted the quote?
Yeah, we can do that.
Let's simplify it.
Just read who sent it, or who wrote the quote, and then I guess three of us can vote at the end of the show.
I'm not sure exactly how we're going to figure out who the winner is.
Any help with this?
We'll talk after we go.
Yeah, so if we go quiet, we'll talk.
So both quotes were actually from Bob, and am I pronouncing this right?
Bob Grow?
I always thought it was Bob Grow.
Yeah, Grew.
Grow.
Grew, Grow.
G-R-A-U.
Yeah.
Yeah, Bob Grow.
That's how I was.
Let's call him Bob.
So both of the quotes were his quotes.
And the first one was submitted by Treadingwater.
And it was, I like to think they distill it in the mountains from the souls of overripe shadow piñatas.
I have no idea what context that's in.
Neither do I. That's what makes it funny.
Yeah.
We could speculate.
Okay.
And the second one was submitted by Agent Orange.
And this one, I like this one.
I keep my children in my balls.
Does that make me racist?
That's another out-of-context quote.
That's hilarious.
And I was seriously trying to think of some witty retort about that.
And I just couldn't think of one.
I think it was just too good.
Yeah.
So anybody out there have a quote that they want to call in?
The number is 602-399-7131.
If you don't have a quote, you can just call and say, hey, or whatever's on your mind, call us up.
Yeah, we want to hear from you guys.
That's what this is supposed to be about.
So what I apologize.
What were they winning again?
They are winning a very used copy of The Coming Global Superstorm by Whitley Striber and Art Bell.
It was donated to us by the Mud King, Curtis Thornton.
Thanks.
And the winner, I guess, will PM us or one of us their address and we'll send it or Curtis will send it out to him.
Probably won't get it by Christmas, though, but maybe the new year.
Now, any of the pages stuck together?
Oh, yeah.
If it was Curtis's, if he's thumbed through it, then yes, of course there are.
Speaking of Christmas, you guys have your Christmas shopping done?
Yeah, I tried to do it very early because it's just crazy.
I mean, I mean, just the streets around me, even just local streets, are just chock a block.
And usually, you know, when it's holiday time, vacation time, it sort of slows down.
But Christmas, it's always crazy.
So I'm glad to hear that it's just as crazy and down under than it is here.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's a madhouse.
I mean, there's no way I would even go to a mall at this time of year.
It's just suicide.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree.
I went out earlier today and it was crazy.
Totally crazy.
Too many people and I gave up.
You're on the air.
Hello, you're on the air.
I can't hear him.
It's Yorkshire.
Hello, can you guys hear that?
All I hear is noise.
Waiting for the delay.
No, the delay can't be that long, can it?
Let's see, make sure I got all the faders up.
Hello.
That's a noisy line, too.
Do you guys hear that?
Listen to that noise.
Oh, boy.
Isn't that good?
We're professional radio.
Yeah.
Or podcast.
Come on, we are.
You're going about as slow as the English cricket team.
Yeah.
Ouch.
Yorkshire.
I don't even know if he's listening to us.
He must be.
Is he in the chat room?
Have you guys checked?
Yeah, YP.
He is.
Oh, yeah.
I keep timing out on the chat room.
I keep getting a network air and I have to reload.
That's probably my Internet Explorer version.
You know, you shouldn't be using Internet Explorer.
I know.
Firefox, right?
Where's that?
Or Chrome?
Yeah.
Anything, anything else.
The first thing I ever, if anyone, the forum that I run, if anyone ever sort of comes in with a complaint, the first thing I ask is, are you using Internet Explorer?
Nine out of ten times, it's yes.
And my answer is, change it.
Why?
I guess we're turning this into a technology podcast.
That's fine.
Won't go well with us.
Yeah.
Why?
How come why does Internet Explorer suck so bad?
It just always seems to have problems.
I don't know the technical.
Maybe we need MV or Curtis to call in, but it just seems to be the source of all things evil.
All the problems with anything.
So is YP going to try and call in?
I don't know.
I'm not seeing.
Looks like.
I hope he didn't give up.
If you can hear us, call us back.
Said something was wrong.
I think he just lost Owen.
Dropping like dead.
I hope not.
No, I hit my mute button.
Sorry.
There he is.
I thought your voice finally gave out.
It's close.
It's really close, guys.
I apologize to everybody.
I'm not.
My voice is really crap tonight.
That's all right.
While we're waiting for someone to call in, I just thought, oh, we got someone.
You're on the air.
Hello.
Not working.
It's working.
Oh, good.
What's up, man?
This is Yorkshire Pud, right?
Is that how you say it?
How do you say your name?
Yorkshire.
Yorkshire.
Like a proper Yorkshireman.
And then is it Yorkshire?
And is it Yorkshire Pud?
Yep.
That's it.
Short for pudding.
Short for pudding.
Oh, see, I thought it was something entirely different.
No, no, it's short for pudding.
I've been told what they've been told what the slang is, yeah.
But I was only told that after I'd actually put the name in.
So it's one o'clock in the morning there, isn't it?
Yes, 20 past.
Your dedication to the Gabcast 2.0 is much appreciated, sir.
It's insane.
Yeah, it's great having you all the way around, man.
Thanks.
I'm going to, hang on, let me mute you because I've got you coming out of the.
I can hear the delay.
Yeah, is that better?
That's fine.
Me tell us.
Yeah, I've muted you now.
That's fine.
Yeah, you don't need to hear us.
No.
It's quite a delay, actually.
It's about 15 seconds.
Yeah.
You mean from the stream to what you're hearing on the phone?
Yeah, yeah.
So what's up, man?
I'm fine.
I'm a little bit tired.
I'm quite fortified with a bit of wine, actually, about half a bottle of it.
So I'm feeling quite good.
Do you have a quote to submit?
Glad to hear that.
I like the one that Jazz put up today.
I know he's still my thunder, but I still like it.
But the blokes.
Yeah, although it's quite good, yeah.
I'll be honest with you, I can't remember a lot of the others because it never occurred to me that other people have put them up.
I just thought it was something that to MV had thought of.
Have you been up there?
Have one of your quotes been up on the top of the page?
Yeah, it was earlier today, and that's why Jazz got his up because what he did, he took the word blokes out of it.
And as Jazz has just explained to you, blokes is slang for men.
That's why he put it up.
Speaking of slang, you know, the Aussie slash UK slang, do you often find on the forums that you have to that do you ever change your spelling of words?
Do you Americanize your spelling so that you don't get teased for spelling things?
It's true, isn't it?
I mean, English is a common language that's divided by two countries, you know, that's what it is.
Definitely.
Well, I often find myself Americanizing not so much the spelling, but just the words that they use.
Like, you know, we, for the trunk of a car, we call a boot.
I'm sure you do too.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, a foot part of foot push.
Interesting.
You say trunk because, I mean, there's a few people in Britain use that now.
Oh, it's crazy.
All the young kids now are so Americanised in Australia, it's not funny.
And the hood, the hood is called a barnet, right?
Yes, that's correct.
And we call it a footpath instead of a sidewalk.
And you call it an elevator.
We call it a lift.
Oh, there's hundreds more.
But my point is, I often will adjust the way I speak on sort of forums so that you guys understand me.
I think we can read pretty well.
I think we lost Yorkshire or Yorkshire.
Oh, I had another question for you.
Excuse me.
It doesn't bother me at all.
I'm used to it.
So, you know, I'm coming into your house.
I have to play by your rules and your spelling, weird spelling.
Does it bother you that your younger people are being Americanized?
No, because, look, I've grown up with the American culture as well.
So I can see why they do that.
Yeah.
You know, all our TVs, our movies, music, it's all, you know, influenced by, you know, what's happening across the pond.
That seems to happen a lot around the country.
Everybody, not everybody, but a lot of people know what's going on in the US, political or entertainment-wise.
And you ask the average American what's going on in England.
Oh, yeah, they have no idea what's going on.
None.
Yeah.
And I'm guilty of it too.
But you can understand why.
I mean, you know, America is such an influential part of, you know, pop culture.
So.
Yeah, that's us pop culture.
Yorkshire, you got anything else?
Yeah, I had to break off them because I don't know what's happening.
Hey, I wanted to ask you something, Yorkshire.
I remember reading on the forum just before art sort of came back.
I think it might have even been before he had even announced and it was while we were.
But I got the feeling that you weren't a fan of Art Bell, that you found the forum not because of Art Bell.
Is that true?
Yeah, I hate it, Art Bell.
He was an asshole.
He's gone, actually.
He's gone.
That was me.
Did I fool you for one second?
You did fool me.
I want to know the answer.
Nice.
That's a great question.
I was confused.
I read that he said, I lost you.
Oh, he must have come back.
My failed attempt at English accent.
You did it well.
I thank you, yeah, you did.
But no, Yorkshire, if you're out there, you can PM me and give me my answer off the air.
You guys get pissed off, as some people do, when threads go off topic.
It depends which thread.
Like the Art Bell quits dark matter, it actually is an off-topic thread, so anything goes.
But if you're talking about a particular issue and then someone starts talking about, you know, whatever, then yeah, that does annoy me.
It seems like if it goes off topic quickly within the first five pages or so, people get more pissed off.
But I mean, when you're at 700 and some odd pages like the quits thread is, there was somebody that was on there complaining, I don't know, last week or something, and he just wouldn't let it go.
Would not let it go.
That we weren't talking, you know, everything we said wasn't relating to arts coming back or art quitting dark matter.
Is that when they were talking about combining threads or I don't think so?
I think that he was just pissed off that when he, every time he came to the quits thread, nobody was talking about if there was any new news or nobody was talking about art at all.
It was just a catch-all for the thread would be, the thread would be over.
That's true.
Dead and buried.
It seems like that thread is pretty much gone anyway.
Yeah, I'd agree.
It's winding down.
Yeah, it is.
Thankfully.
I always use that.
If you want to call into the show tonight, the number is 602-399-7131.
Number again is 602-399-7131.
I don't know about you guys.
I was talking to you guys about it the other week.
But after the whole Quit Gate episode, I found it, you know, sort of really hard to be able to listen to my old Art Bell classics.
I've been listening to my art collection for years and years.
It's helped me get through traffic driving to work.
It's helped me go to sleep at night.
It's helped keep me up at night.
And so I've listened to it for years and years.
I just listen to one after the other after the other.
And I've got a massive collection, so I never really repeat them.
Well, you probably have, though, still.
Yeah, probably.
And I'm still going.
So after I have about probably 300 different files of arts.
1,400.
Yeah.
Well, my point was that I only listened to about maybe 20 of them.
And the others are like, oh, shit, I don't even know why I keep that except I'm still supporting a stream for someone else.
Most of them are like, man, it's just garbage.
I don't want to hear it anyway.
Do you have any of that?
Or do you like it all?
Well, it was funny.
No, no, no.
We'll skip the occasional one.
I can't stand Ed Dames, but I actually sometimes listen to it because I just want to see how wrong he was on some things.
And I like it for that aspect.
Like I'm listening at the moment to a guy called Gary North, and he was the one who was talking about Y2K.
And the way he, if you listen to these, it is hilarious because he was saying everything's going to shut down.
You know, planes are going to fall out of the sky.
And oh my God, how wrong this guy was.
He was telling, sell everything you've got.
Dig a well in your backyard, you know, buy a year's worth of food.
Isn't that amazing?
Yeah.
2020 hindsight, he's an is an idiot.
Do you think he actually really believed that?
Or was he, I'm sure he was selling a book or promoting himself somewhere?
I'm sure.
I'm sure it was a bit of fear-mongering and selling a book here or there.
Did anyone out there, anybody listening, or did you guys, did any of you buy any of those books?
No.
Because I'm wondering who's holding one of those right now, going like, I was the biggest doof in the world.
The only thing we did is my wife's mom called us up just before New Year's on that day and said, fill up your bathtub with water just so you've got water.
The drinking water is.
My wife made us do that.
She wasn't my wife at the time.
And then when the computers didn't rebel against us, we emptied the bathtub.
So that's not just an American thing.
Does that happen in Australia too, where people, you know, the prepping thing is a huge deal or was a huge deal years leading up to 2012 and after 9-11?
Is that the same?
I wouldn't be able to tell you, but I do love that show, Doomsday Preppers.
Yeah, it is actually a pretty good show.
But do people in Australia prep?
Do they buy freeze-dried food and bottled water?
I'm sure people do.
I'm sure people do.
I have to admit that I bought a bunch of freeze-dried food a couple, I don't know, a couple months before December 21st, 2012.
Really?
Oh, wow.
Yeah, just to make sure.
I didn't go totally bat shit crazy, but I have a bunch of camping gear, tent, and everything that goes along with it.
And I put that all off in one little spot in my garage just in case, like a bug out, bug out bag kind of thing.
I didn't think it was going to happen.
I knew that it was all just bullshit.
But, you know, there was something in the back of my head thinking, you know, what if?
What if something happens?
I mean, I live in Phoenix, Arizona, and this is a huge metropolis.
There's probably four, four and a half million that live in this town or in the entire Valley of the Sun.
So, I mean, if something happened, if a nuke struck or, you know, we lost power due to an EMP or something like that, there's no way I'm going anywhere.
I mean, try to get in a vehicle and leave a city of that many people, you're just going to be gridlocked of nowhere.
No way out.
Motorcycle.
Yeah.
Motorcycle is the only way to do it.
So, yeah, that's my confession for the night.
It was funny.
We were watching.
Have you seen a movie, This Is the End?
It's a very stupid movie.
Is it by the doors?
No, no.
It's Seth Rogan.
All the Seth Rogan types.
They were all playing themselves in a thing and it was the end of the world and they're at a party.
Oh, I haven't seen that.
But I was just watching it with my wife the other night and she said to me, if there was some natural disaster, would you be able to protect us?
And I was like, yeah, sure, of course.
And I was like, oh, shit.
Every man for himself.
I think she did believe me, but inside I was like, whoops.
All you need is a can of water and a can opener and you're set.
And a multi-tool knife, too.
That works.
Yeah, I don't know what I would do.
Then I would wish we had guns here.
In this country, a lot of people talk about what-if you there?
Sorry, guys.
Sorry, man.
Talk through it.
A lot of people, you know, have these what-if scenarios with, you know, if the power goes out.
And what most people aren't aware of, at least in the United States, is that we have a lot of contingency plans with civil defense and the Red Cross.
So if power did go out, if water did stop running, there would be people in your area probably within 24 hours that would help support for a certain amount of time.
And most of our infrastructure would kick back in within a matter of days or so.
On the other hand, if it were some natural disaster, you know, that could take a while longer, but we're a lot safer than people think we are.
I think that's true for maybe an isolated disaster.
But, I mean, something on the scale of Hurricane Katrina down in New Orleans.
I mean, you saw what happened down there, and it took, what, a week and a half before the, I don't know who they call out, the National Guard before the General.
The Red Cross was there within three days.
Red Cross was there within three days because I was asked to go, but I couldn't get away.
You know, there were so many other combining features in that disaster that it really, you know, it was just a really bad time, you know, with all the flooding and that really put a lot more problems in the way of getting to people than just the electricity going out.
I agree with that.
It was bad.
But like in Phoenix, you guys have a lot better now than you did 20 years ago when you only had one highway going through there.
Something would have happened.
You couldn't have gotten out.
Yeah, there's no way.
But I mean, I've always been of the opinion if there is some sort of disaster, then we're pretty much on our own.
I mean, don't count anything.
You know, you have to.
Where do you live in Phoenix?
I'm in the East Valley.
Okay, so you have to head up to one of the lakes.
Yeah.
And if, God forbid, if it happens in the summertime, totally.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah.
116, 117, easy.
Yeah.
We'd be screwed.
Yeah.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Merry Christmas.
Doomsday is upon us.
The Christmas doom.
Yeah.
We had, I think it was Hurricane Fran about 10, 12, maybe 15 years ago.
And it literally, it went right through Raleigh.
And it took months to get all the cleanup done.
But everybody was back to a normal life within about a week or so.
I did have a couple of friends, though, that didn't have power for like two weeks.
And, you know, they'd come over to the house to take showers.
But by and large, in America, or in the United States anyway, when disasters hit, we're a lot more set up and stable than people think we are.
Did you put a hidden webcam in the shower when they were taking the shower?
It was long before that.
Oh, good, good.
You have to send me those files, man.
All right, I will.
That's just wrong.
You're on the air.
Hello, you're on the air.
Talk to us.
You're on the air.
Oh, hello.
You guys are too depressing.
Cheer it up.
Cheer it up.
Hey, how's it going?
Who is this?
Who is this?
This is Treading Water.
Treading.
Hey.
I thought I'd call in and tell you the saga of the alien attack on my pinky toe.
Oh, yeah.
Tell us a story.
Well, last week, during the broadcast, my little dog had to go out.
So I took her outside.
I couldn't find my shoes, so I had to go out in my bare feet.
It was 18 degrees and snow and ice.
It was snowing.
And while we were out there, there was a big gray light.
And then all of a sudden, when the light went out, there was a little gray man standing right in the middle of my patio.
And he tried to jump on my dog.
So since I practiced Tai Chi every morning with my friends, I just kicked him right in the face.
Well, I didn't know he had his little probe there, and he stuck it in my little pinky toe.
Did he have an erection, too?
Pardon me?
Did he have an erection as well?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Well, that was what the probe was.
That's all I've ever seen with the little gray dudes.
That's what I was aiming for.
That was me.
I'm sorry.
But I did kick him out of the patio.
I grabbed my dog and ran back in the house.
And I came and sat back down at my computer to listen to the rest of the broadcast.
And my pinky toe was hurting.
And I looked back and across the kitchen was a trail of blood.
So I had to jump out into the bathroom.
I had to stitch my pinky toe back on and wrap it up.
Did you really sever your pinky toe?
Yeah.
The dynamite.
And I had to stitch it up.
And I wrapped it up with adhesive antiseptic laden bandages.
And when I sat back down to the computer to listen to the rest of the broadcast, you guys were saying goodnight.
Wow.
That's dedication.
Or I do have a backup story for people, you know, so they won't think I'm totally crazy.
Oh, that's too late.
We already know he's crazy.
Go ahead, Onan.
Onan has a question for you, Treading Water.
Okay.
It was just, you literally stitched up your toe with needle in the back.
Is that what you're telling me?
I cut it on ice.
That's all.
I was outside my bare feet.
It was icy.
It was snowy.
And I must have walked across a piece of ice.
And my feet were so cold I didn't feel it until I got inside when it got warm.
And then I noticed some bloody footprints.
And you could parlay this into a book deal, and you can go on coast to coast and talk about this.
You could make some bumps.
That's what I thought.
That's what I thought.
I could go on with, oh, who's the deep voice guy?
John B. Wells.
The other jerk, the other Jericho.
John Wells.
Yes, yes, him.
And then he could make it a conspiracy thing.
Well, it was a conspiracy.
Oh.
Somebody was controlling the weather.
That's right.
That's right.
But there has to be radiation involved with John.
Doesn't John always talk about radiation and trails up there changing the weather and they had harp going.
Man.
Wow.
You were bound to be hurt.
See, that story was no more wild than some of the stories that art used to get.
And I don't know how he kept a straight face because I was laughing my ass off.
That was a good story.
Yeah.
Well, thank you.
I was buying the gray alien.
Shit.
The gray alien with a heart on.
Yeah.
That's why you lost me.
Little known fact, they all have those.
Thank God I practiced Tai Chi and could defend myself.
Yes.
There you go.
Well, I guess that's about it.
I hope that cheered everybody up.
We feel great.
Anything else?
No, nope.
Not unless you're going to send me the book for.
That's right.
Bob Growl's quote.
We will.
I just love that quote.
I just love that quote.
That guy is great.
He is.
Isn't he a scientist or something that studies the meteor hits on Jupiter, not Jupiter, but Mars or the moon?
No, I think you're convinced.
Oh, I don't know.
I thought that was Agent Orange.
I know Astro Guy has a podcast, but I thought the other space genius or whatever was Bob Key.
I think Bob Grow, at least I remember getting into a conversation with him in one forum about how people were giving him a tough time at work and didn't seem to have anything to do with astrophysics.
Maybe I'm confusing him with somebody else, which is very likely.
I think I said that.
Well, Bob's in the chat room, so if he would like to call in and how does he come up with these amazing quotes?
Yeah, he's had a bunch of them up there, hasn't he?
He has.
Yes.
And they've all been good.
They have.
I can't drink any liquids near my computer anymore.
I have done, I've hit my limit of keyboards.
People always say that.
Does that actually happen?
It's never happened to me.
Yeah.
It does.
So you can vouch that that has happened.
You have spat soda all over your keyboard.
Oh, if you have a spit on your keyboard or your monitor in some way, you're lost.
Hit the monitor once.
I have with other bodily fluids, but never with soda.
Damn it, Jazz.
I was just about to go there.
Got a big time.
Thanks, Treddy.
You're on the air.
Oh, hey.
What's going on, guys?
What's up, man?
Aldous Burbank.
What is up?
What is up?
How you doing?
Everybody's sounding pretty cool on the air.
Why is that?
We're just all-around cool guys.
You're just too high, man.
Sounds like.
Yeah, everything sounds good when you're high.
For a bunch of old suit guys, it sounds pretty good, is what I'm trying to say.
Are you sick, too?
Well, thank you.
Not one little tiny bit.
The super health.
Where are you at tonight, Aldous?
On your trek with me?
I am actually in my little house enjoying some quiet time stealing the missus's wine and sucking on a fresh coca candy straight from Bolivia.
Sounds good.
Listen to you.
Aldous, did I get you in trouble last week?
Is that correct?
Well, I think what officially happened is I had to look at the five-yard line, and all of a sudden there was like a flag on the field.
And so what I had to do was I just had to come up with a different strategy, which was basically your basic Hail Mary play, which is, oh my God, honey, you're so beautiful.
I'd travel to any time space continuum just to be with you for five minutes.
So yeah, it worked out pretty good, Jazz.
Thank you.
Send you something in the mail.
That's a good thing you're quick.
I'm quick.
If anybody has a question.
I complains about that a lot, but you know, I'm working on it.
If anybody has a question for Aldous, the number is 602-399-7131.
You taking questions tonight, right, Aldous?
Just one or two?
I don't mind how many, as long as I'm welcome.
I just, you know, try to not pee on the rug, and you guys continue.
I'll just listen if I can.
I'll talk when I have to.
Thanks for calling.
Goodbye.
Well, I actually had a someone, I received a question via snail mail today, which I thought was odd considering I never gave anyone my address.
I don't believe you.
And the question is from someone who wants to remain anonymous.
And they said, if you successfully mated a chupacabra and a Bigfoot, what would it be called?
What would it look like?
And would Linda Moulton Howe die as a result of achieving simultaneous multiple orgasms?
Wow.
Oh, dear.
I tuned.
The answer is yes.
Moving on.
Next question.
You're on the air.
Color, you have a question for Aldous?
Hey, this is B. Dubbs.
What's up, buddy?
No, not much.
Hey, man.
You called in to talk to Aldous last week, too.
I believe I did, yeah.
Did he help you?
From what I understood, yes.
Good.
Yeah.
I'm just trying to keep the show rolling, Aaron.
B-Dub, let me ask you, man.
Did you come to any conclusions after our...
See, because I'm sorry to put it this way, but I actually did send dude a PM after the show because I said, dude, I'm a dude playing a dude playing another dude, but you are not.
You called the dude you are.
Now I feel bad.
So I'm just putting it out there, man.
I'm saying, how'd you like it?
Right on.
Yeah, it's all good, man.
Yeah, just in the spirit of keeping things light for the holidays.
I want to ask Aldous here, since he's like the Zen Priestmaster for Bell Gab, is there a life after death?
I'll take my answer off the air.
That's a good one.
All right.
Discussed.
Thanks.
Thanks, B. Dub.
Well, it's a good question.
I've heard it before, but I was never really interested in that.
Because what I'm more interested in is this.
Is there life before death?
Next question.
You're on the air.
Do you got a question for Aldous?
This is Falky.
So Falky.
Hey, there he is.
There's the evil one with you.
The Evil Jazz Monday destroyer shows.
Hey Falky, long time never spaked.
One day we have to meet, man.
You go to New York, you bypass the whole bay are you at the 49ers playing the last game of the stick?
You should have been, you should be there, man.
Well, I actually have a non-s fan.
You know, you got that Australian rules football that only Australians can understand.
These can make an interest in playing with koalas, shoot a question.
Kangaroos.
Hey.
I haven't been listening and I forgot.
I've been sitting with a headache all mate.
Falky.
Do you have a question for Aldous?
Yeah, why are you leaving these fake posts in my thread, man?
It's not right, you know?
So that's why I thread you being evil.
I'm a nice scientist.
You answered the question yourself.
It's not right.
Next question.
Jazz, you got another question?
Anybody else want to call in with a question?
The number is 602-399-7131.
Jazz?
I'm just trying to think.
Hey, man.
Don't do that.
This is a fucking gab cast.
Don't mess it up, okay?
Okay, I got a question for you.
I got a question for you, Aldous.
All right.
How do you discourage close talkers?
You know, people who, when they're speaking with you in person, they invade your personal space.
How do you discourage them?
Usually I punch them.
But, you know, since I've had kids, the wife doesn't like me to do that so much.
Good answer.
Next caller.
Hi.
You got a question this time.
Yes, we can hear you.
You got it.
Oh, thank God for that.
I was getting static before.
I don't know why.
Do you have a question for Aldous?
For Aldous.
Yeah.
A good question for Aldous.
Scotland is only four hours' drive away, right?
At this time of year, there's plenty of snow.
And I'm thinking of going ice climbing in the Kairngor mountains.
I want Aldous to tell me, should I be getting several different ice axes for the different conditions or a modular system where I can interchange the heads?
Aldous?
Just what we've all wanted to know the answer to.
I think it's the question on everybody's lips.
It is.
I think Aldous has gone.
No, he can't have.
I need to know.
I'm going tomorrow.
Aldous, if you're listening to the stream, call us back real quick.
I think he was arrested.
There he is.
Okay.
Is he by?
There he is.
I don't know what we're talking about.
Aldous.
Aldous, did you hear Yorkshire Pud's question?
No.
Oh, right.
I'm going to go ice climbing in the Kengorms in Scotland, Aldous, right?
I need to know, do I need to get different ice axes for different conditions, or shall I get a modular system where I have a common shaft but different heads?
Sounds like a sixth question.
Shaft and head.
Yeah, we go with that.
I can go with that.
It's okay.
Which method is cheaper?
Oh, and the other question I've got for Aldis.
Seriously.
Which method is cheaper?
Which is cheaper?
I don't know which is cheaper, but this is why I'm asking Aldous.
Well, that's what I'm asking you, because whichever one is the cheapest one, choose the other.
I'm just thinking on the point of view of mortality, which would be better.
Exactly.
That's right.
When safety's concerned, always go with the more expensive one.
And the other question is the question, the other question on everybody's lips, is Falky self-aware?
Aldous?
Good question.
Aldous.
Well, I'm not a big fan of self-awareness.
So I hope he's not.
And I like to think that he's not because I know that he loves kitties.
And that's all I need to know about Falky.
Now, as to the ice climbing, I say, dude, one word.
Hawaii.
Next question.
Yeah.
Or what do you got here?
I agree.
I think the train's coming for you.
Aldous.
Hey, wait, hang on.
Somebody to the press department is handing me something here.
Okay.
Go ahead.
Is this?
Oh, I got it.
Okay, it's a no, it's a message.
It's a message to Coast Gabbers.
Here we go.
Ready?
Go ahead.
I think I have a train to catch, so I got to make this quick.
Let's see.
It says, it was the night before Christmas and all through the forum.
Not much to say.
No jingle bell.
Random stupid thoughts.
Now random, fucking boring.
Faulty fed the kitties with his own thread to share.
Art Bell quit dark matter, which died of dead air.
Sardoni off the mat, sleepless and shine, also quiet, but George's secret door show is always a fucking riot.
But as I loaded my bait pen with care, my hair suddenly sensed a certain magic in the air.
The hell is your fucking problem?
I thought I heard someone yell through the door.
I saw nothing through the window, so I inhaled.
Then I heard some more.
A voice with an accent like some kind of fucking Boston rumble.
Gruff with a clear capasc-like fucking costy grumble.
So it doesn't feel like Christmas in your life is a chore.
No more dark matter.
My God, you're such a fucking bore.
When will our return?
Should I listen to Coast instead?
Well, here's a better idea.
Go read the politics scrap.
Who's gay?
Who's straight?
Interests me not.
Tell us something we want to know, bitch, which is, of course, are you hot?
George Knapp winding down the Coast franchise and stitches.
My favorite post now done by troll-sucking bitches.
And so I remain.
I shall lurk out of sight.
You're all so goddamn pitiful.
Fuck you.
Good night.
And I sniffed the air.
I thought it smelled of old books and beer.
A certain mix of madness, intensity, good cheer, a touch of spice, street wisdom mixed with possibly cocaine.
These things have an odor of easy laughter combined with hard pain.
And I thought long and hard while laying out my exhale.
I just suddenly knew the rest of this tale.
Though we may not see him, and he never writes, and no one can replace him, which really, really bites.
The spirit of Eddie Coyle lives on in my head.
Like when I count my blessings, starting with, I'm not in jail.
I'm not dead.
Beyond this, you see, there's not too many degrees.
Mostly, don't burn the forest to see through the fucking trees.
No matter how harsh, I'm happy, uptight.
Every day is a chance to make it all right.
And when this day is over, put this in your sight.
There's also one chance to have a good night.
So this simple truth, I'm bringing you fucking weirdos to share.
But I forgot what we were talking about, so now I don't care.
But if I did, I would only say this much.
Happy Christmas, Boxer Day, Equinox, Kwanzaa, and all that fucking stuff.
Good night, guys.
I got a train to catch.
Later, I'll do it.
Everybody have happy holidays.
Merry Christmas, later.
And there he goes.
That was amazing.
Off into the night.
That was brilliant.
Yeah, he needs to transcribe that and post it on the forum.
That was.
I don't know what to say.
Yeah, I'm speechless.
I think it's time to call it.
Yeah.
I think we've got one more order of business here.
Hello?
Hello?
Is this?
Hello?
Is this the Gab Cast?
Hello?
Hello, George.
Hello, is this George Mori?
I was calling about my cats.
And they're made coons.
And they're beautiful cats, George.
In this week's Mary Ann Minute, we're talking about gardening.
Gardening.
And we're going to tell you how to make a vegetable garden delicious.
And you can make soup or a stew or quiche.
A quiche is like a pie, a pie, but it has vegetables in it.
And it's for homosexuals.
And you will have a delicious garden when you treat the soil properly.
And you can do that by what?
When you have cats, when you have a cat, or when you have many cats, you can take what's in the cat box and use it as compost.
So just empty the cat box into the garden and you'll save yourself a trip to the garbage.
And also, and why let the cat cookies go to waste?
And that was a gardening tip, a vegetable gardening tip for the week.
And the Gab cast.
Thank you to the Gabcast members.
Not Michael.
Michael was my least favorite grandson.
Michael Van Dieven.
That's all for this week.
Good morning.
Or night.
Or afternoon.
Marianne.
I love that thing music.
Yeah, it is.
Thanks, Bateman, for sending that in.
We got that before the very first Gabcast 2.0 a couple weeks ago, and I completely spaced playing it until now.
So thanks, Bateman, for sending that in.
The Merry End Minute.
A nice Christmas present.
Yes, Merry Christmas, everybody.
Anything else, you guys?
You guys have anything else to talk about?
Oh, there's always something to talk about, but I think Onan's going to keel over on us.
How you feeling, Onan?
You all right, buddy?
Yeah, I'm just peachy.
One of the days you'll actually hear what my voice sounds like, but not for the last month.
I just love it.
So we need to give away this book.
Oh, yeah.
That's the last order of business tonight for the Gabcast 2.0.
Okay, so we had the two quotes, we had the...
Is that what we had?
Just two quotes, right?
We only had two.
Did anybody else ring in?
No, nobody else called in with a quote.
Am I correct?
Or am I misremembering?
Is that a work?
I don't remember what I did five minutes ago.
Well, we had two.
We had two that were officially submitted.
And one was from Treading Water.
It was, I like to think they distill it in the mountains of the souls of overripe shadow piñatas.
Okay, that was from whatever that means.
That's from Treading Water submission.
Treading Water.
And the second one was Agent Orange, who said, I keep my children in my bowls.
Does that make me racist?
I select the way you say bowls.
Bowls.
I keep my children in me bowls.
Yeah, I think that's my favorite one, too.
Me too.
Treading's here and Agent Orange isn't.
I'd love to give it to Treading, but I think Agent Orange gets it.
That's my vote, too.
We'll do it again.
We'll make it something else.
We'll do something else.
What?
Give away something else?
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe some George Nuri Toupe paste.
I don't know.
Hey, wait a second.
I might want to keep that for myself.
All right.
So that's the winner, right, Agent Orange?
That is Agent Orange.
I wish I had some theme music to play along with that, but I don't.
Like a winner theme music?
I'm so woefully unprepared.
So Agent Orange, PM one of us, your address, and we will stock you.
I mean, we will send you the book.
Is he in Canada?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
He is, isn't he?
He's one of them damn tasty Canadians.
He might have to come to the U.S. and pick it up.
Yeah, Agent.
Curtis wants to spend.
Does it cost more to send something to Canada?
I don't know, UPS ground is, I don't know if that costs more.
I'm sure it probably does.
Can you ship it there in a boat?
No, they don't have mailboxes or anything like that over in Canada.
Well, we'll figure that out.
Yeah.
Anything else, guys?
I don't think so.
Onin, are you still with us?
Yeah, my mic's been on mute more tonight than anything else.
Yeah.
My mouth has been on mute more than anything else tonight.
We had a lot of fun.
Hey, everybody.
It was a good show.
It was a good show.
Thanks for listening, guys.
We do appreciate it.
And call us more because it's just more about you than it is us.
That's right.
This is a podcast about the forum.
A podcast about a forum, about a guy who used to have a radio show.
Yeah.
It's a mind fuck, isn't it?
It is.
It doesn't make sense.
I can't even begin to explain it to my wife.
It's just.
I don't even try anymore.
And I don't even have a wife.
All right, everybody.
Thank you in the chat room at UFOShip.com.
Thanks for everybody who called in.
Thanks to the Mud King Curtis for supplying us with that used book.
Yes, very good.
And thank you, Onin.
Thank you, Jasmunda.
Merry Christmas, you guys.
Merry Christmas.
I'm getting teary-eyed.
I'm Eddie Dean.
Thanks, everybody.
We'll be back next week, right, guys?
We will see you next time.
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