GabCast Bellgab.com - 28 October, 2013

Oct. 28, 2013 - GabCast Bellgab.com

01:41:29

28 October, 2013

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	Hey, everybody.
	I've got a collection.
	What's up, guys?
	It's the Gabcast, the first official.
	Gabcast.
	I made a view.
	I did not last Gabcast.
	It could.
	I mean, we really have no idea how this is going to go.
	You know, none of us have ever done a broadcast of any form together.
	Or some of you at all, I'm guessing, right?
	And I've never spoken before tonight.
	Period.
	I made it through college, and now I'm in a wonderful program at a medical institution.
	But I do not speak.
	That's all my face is for.
	It's amazing how far you can get with mime.
	I hope everybody likes our intro music there.
	You can credit that to B-Dub and his brilliance at using GarageBand.
	All credits, all props on the intro to B-Dub.
	But I was telling him that it lacks a certain percussive heaviness.
	It's a little thin.
	And he pretty much let the show down by not fixing it by airtime.
	So thanks, B-Dub.
	I'm Michael VanDeeven.
	Anytime.
	So I'm MV.
	My real name is Michael Van Deven.
	And we have with us Onin.
	Yes, that's me.
	Hi, guys.
	What's up?
	And we have B-Dub.
	Hello.
	As it would work out, your connection would...
	Right as you introduce yourself.
	That bodes well for the future of the show tonight.
	We also have...
	We also have Eddie Dean.
	What's up, guys?
	He sounds great, doesn't he?
	Thank you very much.
	So this is known as the Gabcast.
	This is the premiere episode of the Gabcast.
	This is not the Trainwreck show.
	This is not the spec sheet.
	It's the Gabcast.
	what do we do we gab about uh actually we cashed about the gab where we that's confusing This is the cast where we talk about Belgab, the broadcast about Belgab, everything Belgab, topics, impressions, things that jump out at us over the course of a week or two.
	This will probably be a, what do you call that?
	It's a semi-weekly, right?
	two weeks would that be okay i always screwed that up i never Isn't it funny?
	I've made it this far in life, and I've never properly learned how to use the term semi-weekly.
	That's amazing.
	Bi-monthly.
	It reminds me of this story I heard about this guy who ran an entire business enterprise, not just some little bullshit operation.
	I mean, the guy was wealthy, and he was entirely illiterate.
	He made it all the way.
	I don't remember what kind of business he was in, but he was entirely illiterate.
	And just imagine the hoops you would have to jump through and the obstacles you'd have to sidestep and the number of customers you'd have to just sort of trick into believing you're reading things.
	I mean, that could be a little awkward at times, but he did it.
	I don't know how, but he did.
	That's how I feel right now with my attempted use of the term semi-weekly.
	So I think interesting, we don't really know specifically what we're going to talk about tonight.
	And I think that's a fine way to proceed.
	I always hated podcasts that jump into things entirely prepared.
	Nothing is incidental.
	Nothing is just left to the fortunes or misfortunes of the next hour or two that are going to follow.
	And so I think that's fine.
	And I thought a good way to start out tonight would be for us to maybe talk about how we ran into Bell Gab, which at the time you guys joined, it may have been Coast Gab, or you may have been there even before that when it was GeorgeNorrySucks.com.
	I'm kind of, I'm sure a lot of people would find that interesting with regard to how you found the site.
	I'll jump in.
	I first bumped into this place when it was another website when you had a lot of blue in the background.
	I think it might have been George Nori Sucks.
	There was a period of time where we went through a site redesign in terms of the color scheme and the design probably every six weeks.
	And it was really, I mean, I remember clicking on one link and there was like, I kid you not, there must have been 10,000 pages of why we hate George Nori.
	And I thought, man, I like this, but there's just way too many people here.
	So I just kind of faded in the background.
	And then I typed George Nori Sucks some months later and blamo, this was here.
	So I came in.
	B-dub?
	Well, for me, I was looking for probably looking for something along the lines of like something about the paranormal.
	And I think I found the supernatural stories thread, and then I posted there.
	And I really, I had listened to Art Bell like two or three times prior to the coming to Coast Gab or Bellgab.
	And so that's how I learned about George Nori.
	In fact, I didn't really think that George even sucked that much for the first three or four months.
	And then one day I was sitting there listening to Joe, and he said something, and I was like, God, this guy's a fucking idiot.
	Yes.
	What the hell?
	And at that point, it was, yeah.
	And I understood everything.
	Eddie Dean?
	See, I think I'm the youngster around here because I've only been around Bell Gab for about a year.
	Actually, you know what?
	You're right.
	Get the fuck out.
	But I was, you know, I've been listening to Coast to Coast since about 2003 or so when Art was still doing a few shows.
	I don't remember.
	I think he was doing just the weekend spots.
	So I finally got frustrated listening to George and I just Googled George Nori Sucks or something along those lines and found Coast Gab.
	It's really taken on a life of its own.
	Actually, the way it started was I remember the old GLP thread, the George Norrie Sucks, the official George Norrie Sucks thread.
	The one before it was deleted and then it got rebuilt and it got deleted again, the original one.
	And it just went on and on and on for I think 12, 13, 1,400 pages.
	And I felt like I was the only person who thought George Norrie really sucked ass.
	And so one day I Google searched George Nori Sucks and that, of course, was what came up as the result.
	And later on, I thought, man, this would be a great domain name.
	And I went to GoDaddy and I tried GeorgeNoriSucks.com.
	And holy shit, it was available.
	So I bought it, and there it sat for a long time.
	Actually, you could probably go look at the whois information for GeorgeNorrySucks.com, and I think it'll tell you when it was originally registered.
	I'm not sure about that.
	B-Dub, is that right?
	Will it tell you that or will it just tell you?
	Oh, yes, it will.
	Okay.
	And so I bought it and there it sat for quite a while until we used to have this administrator on the forum named Max.
	And some of you will remember him because he was the one that in 2009 decided to go bat shit on all the GLP, the guy like productions people that came over to the forum because they got their George Nori Sucks thread shut down.
	And I don't know that they got it shut down, but it just got shut down.
	So they all came over to Bellgab, which at that time was still George Nori Sucks.
	And this administrator, Max, he didn't like the approach these people were taking to posting on the forum.
	And he thought I wasn't being tough enough on them, which has always been the accusations that's been thrown at me over the years is that I'm not tough enough on people, and I just kind of let shit go.
	I need to step in.
	We're going to take control of this shit.
	I've had enough of this.
	Rough housing.
	As far as a moderator?
	Yeah, just as far as being a moderator, a lot of people have accused me of just being too hands-off.
	But usually that's when they've encountered a situation that they felt was a problem for them.
	And then they immediately make that mental connection to me not having done enough to protect them or something.
	I don't know.
	But anyway, he didn't think I was running the site rough enough.
	And so he stepped in and started giving all of these godlike productions people hell.
	And, of course, those people just turned the entire website into a troll fest.
	And I got sick and tired of dealing with it after about two weeks.
	And I decided simply to shut the forum down entirely.
	That was in the summer of 2009, and it didn't come back up until four months later.
	I think it was around November or December of 2009.
	But what I did was I renamed the forum Coast Cab, thinking that, okay, if it's not so viscerally and directly attacking a single guy as the domain name GeorgeNorrySucks.com does,
	perhaps it'll bring a different clientele that's a little less caustic and a little more interested in having conversations instead of posting just repetitively pictures of feces with the head of George Nori at one end.
	Usually on the least tapered end, which was the way that would work.
	Okay.
	So, and it did.
	It attracted an entirely different group of people with a different approach to posting and conversing, and it worked out really well.
	People who have legal photos, Jim.
	Say that again, BW.
	People who didn't need photos of poop to express themselves.
	Well, that's true.
	Never mind.
	Yeah, you should use cockpicks for that.
	Seriously, guys.
	Why would you post a turd when you can post a cock?
	There are still a couple people here, though, that were from the old days.
	Yeah, there actually are.
	God, who are they?
	I think Mark Knight, who now goes by Philosopher, which I think is what he originally went by.
	I thought that was him.
	Yeah, I think he's there.
	He was there.
	Who else is from the GLP era?
	Man, there were a lot of them.
	Wasn't Lone Voice?
	I don't know.
	But Lone Voice is kind of a new user, isn't she?
	I think it's she.
	Lone Voice is a one.
	You know, I really hate that about forum posting.
	You just don't know if anyone's a man or a woman.
	I like that.
	I really do.
	I guess so, but when you don't know the gender of somebody, particularly when you're just typing to them, it sort of changes the approach you take to typing.
	I don't know why, but we do that, whether we notice it or not.
	We speak to different genders differently.
	We tend to.
	That's why I kind of like it not knowing because that way I'm just afraid to say whatever the fuck I want.
	Such language.
	I don't understand its use.
	I really don't.
	I'm a potty mouth.
	By the way, if anyone wants to call the show tonight, the number is 573-837-4948.
	It's 573-837-4948.
	And what I'd really like to see are some Bellgab users who have never called any of the podcasts that we do on this website.
	And it'll give us an opportunity to hear your speech deficiencies and to better gauge whether you're worthy of speaking to or not.
	That's really, it's a trap.
	It's entirely a trap.
	It's a trap.
	We're turning everything into a click for him, and we want to determine who's going to be in the click and who's not.
	That's right.
	Calling cleft palettes are first on the chopping block.
	So prepare yourself.
	Maybe you need to shove some cotton up in that hole in the roof of your mouth to try and pretend you're okay.
	I don't know what you've got to do.
	Maybe you can stick some latex over the top of the cotton.
	That'll sort of seal it up a little better.
	I would imagine.
	Sensitive bastards, you geez.
	I've never had a cleft palate, so I can't comment with regard to the best way to hide it.
	There's somebody out there crying right now.
	I was born defective.
	I'm a fucking idiot.
	A fucking idiot.
	Fucking idiots.
	I lost my sensitivity somewhere.
	I was quoting Boogey Nights where Philip Seymour Hoffman kisses Mark Wahlberg.
	Do you remember that scene?
	He takes him out to show him his car and he kisses him and Mark Wahlberg's like, dude, what the fuck?
	What the fuck, dude?
	He's like, I'm a fucking idiot.
	I'm a fucking idiot.
	Anyway.
	Did you like the car?
	I just like it.
	Do you like the car?
	It's okay.
	Do you want to just ride around in the car?
	Because, you know, I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	I just, can I hug you again?
	Did he say that?
	Yeah, I think so.
	I love Philip Seymour Hoffman.
	He's just like every slightly awkward person you've ever met who just really doesn't seem like he'd wind up a movie star, which those are the types of people who really should be movie stars are people who look like real people.
	That's why anytime I see a Brad Pitt movie, Matt Damon, I just want to spank their monkey asses sometimes.
	Just like, Jesus God, what you know, I know in real life, you're like five foot two and you weigh like 135 pounds.
	Just please get away.
	It just takes me out of the movie anytime I see any of those people.
	It's like, okay, we get it.
	You're in movies.
	We get it.
	I know who you are.
	Stop it.
	Have you seen World War Z?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Every time I watch, well, I've only seen it once, but when I did see it, the whole time I'm saying to myself, I wonder if he's tired of banging Angelina.
	I'm sure.
	I mean, she's gotten a little long in the tooth.
	She's got no boobs now.
	A little flappy in the flaps.
	I never really found her that attractive anyway.
	She sort of looks like a praying mantis.
	She's too skinny.
	She's just, I don't know, like when you...
	Giant fish lips.
	Yeah, there's that.
	I don't know.
	It's just like when you imagine these aging starlets in their 70s just living in some secluded home hidden by lots of shrubbery and Beverly Hills after an acting career spanning 40 years.
	And just she seems like one of those to me.
	They just go bat shit crazy and they're asking the pizza guy to clean their pool.
	She's a bad shit crazy.
	She was bad shit crazy before she even had her career even took off.
	Yeah, she just strikes me as one of those people, but that's what I always think about when I see Brad Pitt.
	For me, it's just that, you know, I hate somebody.
	I hate somebody else telling me what I should find attractive and what I shouldn't.
	I thought at one point that she was better looking than what was the other girl that Brad Pitt used to be, was he married to?
	Jennifer Aniston.
	But now I've reversed my opinion.
	I think Jennifer Aniston is much more attractive.
	Oh, you ever had a debate about that?
	You had an internal dialogue as to which direction.
	No, I changed positions.
	I reversed my opinion.
	Well, I think there's just no doubt.
	She's beautiful, and she's like 70.
	Yeah.
	It's amazing.
	She's just a smoker.
	They do a lot of Botox, too.
	So, you know, when they're in their 70s, their face is full of Botox or numb and they can't close their eyelids anymore.
	So that's kind of sad, actually.
	I think we're talking about Michelle Bachman, aren't we?
	Yeah.
	She does a lot of Botox.
	Michelle Bachman is the isn't she an RNC strategist or something?
	I have no idea.
	She's I think she's from some northern state.
	Well, who mentioned, oh, Michelle Bachman, she's the congressman from Michigan, I think.
	Yeah.
	Oh, okay.
	Well, you mentioned her, and then we're like, Michelle Bachman, she used to work at a popcorn stand at Warenberg, and you're just sitting there letting us all hang trying to figure out who Michelle Bachman is.
	You don't mention her.
	Let's beat them up.
	Yeah, golly.
	Anyway, so getting back to the purpose of this podcast, which is not Jennifer Aniston, but we have to go in certain directions from time to time.
	I was slightly confused by the fact that Falke is discussing the fundage, which is apparently supposed to be coming his way so that he can be out there listening to his XM satellite rate because his Lexus payment was late, you see.
	Oh.
	Do you think it was a Prius payment, thank you?
	Was it a Prius payment?
	It was a pre-user.
	I don't think so.
	I thought it was some egregiously expensive car, if I recall correctly, at least for what his price point sounds to be, because he sounded, I don't remember the original post, but did he not say that he is driving some sort of an expensive car, and because he had to pay the car payment or he had to pay something, there was something with the insurance or the shocks and struts had to be replaced or there was a small child that was hit by the car.
	So there's a deductible that has to be something happened.
	I don't know what it was, but he was asking for monies to be donated to him so that he could purchase the Sirius XM satellite radio.
	I think it was a loan.
	A car radio, yeah.
	I think in fairness it was a loan.
	In fairness.
	In fairness, I believe he asked was asking for a loan and not just a handout.
	I'm sorry, go ahead.
	You got nothing.
	Pretty much.
	We are so well prepared.
	So anyway, he posts today, or it was yesterday, one of the two, that, and he was kind of vague and nonspecific, but he said that, oh, God, who is it?
	Area 51 drone was apparently supposed to send him money, and the money order has not arrived, and that Area 51 drone, what'd you say?
	Fucking mail.
	And Area 51, yeah, I know.
	Those people are so overpaid.
	Area 51 drone says that, oh, well, I'm checking to see if it's been cashed yet.
	And he tells Falke that it costs $6 every time he checks to see if the money order has been cashed yet.
	I just can't believe that in this day and age where everything you could conceivably do in your day-to-day life that involves interacting with any company of any kind comes down to an entry in a database somewhere.
	Why should that cost $6?
	I think there's some deception going on here.
	Panel, discussion.
	He never sent it.
	It was just his nice way of saying the checks in the mail, which actually wasn't.
	Big his hopes up and then crushing them.
	Which is the perfect thing to do if you ask for somebody, if you ask for money from somebody you don't fucking know.
	Jesus Christ.
	Sometimes people astound me.
	You know, I can do.
	God knows everybody that is here has seen me go off on a fucking tangent on a post, but you have never seen me go, I don't have any money.
	Can you please send me a dollar?
	Well, I mean, I don't mean to directly criticize him, but it seems like some kind of a lack of self-awareness someone would have to have in order to go on a forum and say that about themselves.
	Well, I do think there's a lack of awareness, but I don't think it's because he's hindered.
	I think it's because he's got an overly too critical.
	Why do you got to be so mean?
	I just.
	Because I'm not, and that's how we roll, man.
	We're vicious.
	Yeah, that's right.
	Sometimes I'm just stunned.
	Yeah, that's really the best way to describe it sometimes.
	You're just stunned.
	I didn't know how.
	I didn't know.
	I mean, I didn't know if it was a goof when I read the original solicitation or if it was some sort of an accurate portrayal of a need that someone has.
	It would be one thing he was going, I got no fucking options, man.
	If I don't get this medicine, I'm going to fucking die, and it's going to cost me 60 bucks more than I've got.
	Could somebody help me?
	I would understand that as desperate.
	Not me.
	I'd be like, fuck you, dude.
	You're going to die.
	You want an XM radio?
	Come talk to me.
	Until then, shut the hole in your face.
	What kills me is that he can obviously listen to.
	He has access to the internet, right?
	Of course.
	So isn't he listening online already?
	Yeah.
	So why does he don't even really need the radio?
	And I don't even think he goes anywhere.
	I know that dude never drives.
	You know what he should do?
	Here's what he should do.
	Kickstarter.
	There you go.
	That's the plan right there.
	I don't think that's what Kickstarter's for.
	Leave it to the guy who has access to psychedelic drugs to come up with an idea like that.
	Well, he's like, well, I don't use them much.
	I stay out of that cabinet.
	Yeah.
	So what's the overall vote?
	Area 51 drone simply hasn't mailed the money order.
	That's what I'm going to vote.
	Yeah, that's kind of a person that's just completely full of shit.
	Eddie Dean?
	Yeah, I don't think he sent it.
	I think it was he probably meant to send it.
	He probably even got the money order?
	He probably even bought it.
	But then, you know, right before he put it in the mailbox, he probably thought, you know, fuck, I don't have enough for my next ounce.
	There you go.
	So, yeah, never sent.
	Well, he was only asking for like 50-some odd dollars.
	And what zip code are you going to get an ounce for 50-some odd dollars?
	And of what quality are we talking when you do?
	Come on.
	I said he didn't have the exact amount.
	He needed another $50 to finish it out.
	I'm glad you clarified that.
	Yeah, my life is complete now that you're happy.
	Well, I hope that neither of those people, I don't really care so much if Area 51 drone hears this, but I kind of hope Falkey doesn't just because I don't want him to feel like he's being attacked in some way.
	But come on, if you submit something public, okay?
	If you submit something publicly for everybody to see, then it becomes public domain and it's going to be discussed.
	And so that's, I guess, a rule to remember as you enter a state of anger and disappointment over your inclusion in this podcast.
	Well, how about that?
	I'm going to wear a halo, so I'm okay.
	So I'm kind of curious.
	Things have changed for me a lot over the years with regard to talking politics to anybody on the forum.
	And I see a new thread here, and the title of this thread, let me, oh, yeah, there it is.
	I hate liberals and Democrat voters.
	Oh, Jesus.
	I mean, listen, I generally consider myself to be right of center, but more on a libertarian bent.
	But man, when I see thread titles like that, I just say to myself, see, that's why I don't talk politics with anybody anymore.
	Because when you see a thread title of that nature, that thread title does not say to me, I'm here to have a discussion and possibly have my mind changed, which ultimately I feel is the only reason to participate in a discussion if you potentially could have your mind changed or you potentially could change the mind of someone else.
	Those are really the only two reasons to be in a conversation.
	And when you enter the conversation in the context of, I hate liberals and Democrat voters, bunch of fags.
	I don't really think you're going to get very far in the course of that discussion.
	And I see so much of that type of stuff happening in the politics thread.
	No one engages in political discourse on this forum or any forum or anywhere on the internet for the purpose of being convinced or really convincing someone else of anything.
	They just want to ram their opinions down people's throats.
	And I feel like when you're guilty, guilty, guilty, I, I got mad at you once.
	What?
	Shit.
	Otherwise, you're a pretty agreeable guy, I think.
	I don't know why so many people tell me they hate you.
	But, you know, they've really been disappointed by you a couple of times.
	But anyway, I feel like most people, when you are engaging with them in political conversation on this forum or any forum, when they do listen to you, it's not to hear your points and consider them.
	It's so that they can work out their next angle of attack.
	That's the only reason they listen to you.
	And so I'm wondering, you guys, if your philosophy when it comes to speaking with people about politics on the forum, if that's changed or evolved for you over time.
	It's starting to with me.
	I've just started to disengage for a couple of reasons.
	Number one, I do find that it just gets ugly too fast.
	Number two, there are a couple of people that I kind of argue with on the forums that are wicked fucking smart.
	And quite honestly, sometimes I just don't have the time to really put into it to try to go back at them.
	That's a big problem.
	So, you know, it's pretty much like, you know, it's hard enough to talk about some of this stuff, and then you try to put it into a text base where you try to get all your words out in 250 or less.
	Otherwise, somebody just goes T-L-D-R.
	And it just ain't worth it.
	That really is a big part of the problem.
	It's sort of a matter of what you put into it versus what you get out of it.
	And I see that when you engage someone in political conversation on the forum, you really get nothing out of it.
	But what you have to put into it is really considerable.
	I mean, the thought, the grammar, everything you've got to put into that post in order to argue politics with somebody, when you stack that up against what it is you're going to get out of doing so, it's just there's no equity in terms of cost-benefit.
	And I just can't be worth it.
	The other part of that is that you can make the most cogent argument.
	20 points.
	All of them make perfect sense except one.
	And by God, everything else goes down the shitter.
	And it's just that one point that you're just focused on.
	It's like, wow.
	So it really is too much energy.
	Or they'll just come back and call you a fag or something.
	That's my strategy.
	It's a strategy.
	I feel like we live in an age of unintentional self-parody.
	So when I see people like Rüdiger making a post like that, like creating a thread, like I hate liberals and people who vote.
	It makes me think of Justin Bieber with all those just trying to be so hip and edgy and cool.
	But he just looks like a total fucking idiot.
	He's like a hit and run post.
	He's making fun of himself, but he's not aware of the fact he's doing that.
	You should just go into Rüdiger's thread there and type, this thread reminds me of Justin Bieber and just post that and not provide any context.
	No, I think instead I said that this is like that thread is a breath of fresh air, something like that.
	Because I was, yeah.
	It's unintentional self-parody.
	Way too high bra for me.
	I completely try to stay away from the politics, especially posting.
	I mean, I'll go in there and maybe read, you know, a couple threads, but as far as posting, I mean, it's just not worth it.
	Like you said, not worth putting the time in, the argument, you know, and I end up just, you know, hiring my blood pressure.
	It's just, it's not worth it at all.
	Yeah, I kind of agree with you.
	Especially with the new directions my life's taken.
	I mean, my business gets busier all the time.
	My kid is now running.
	She just turned one five weeks ago, and she runs.
	You're really into knitting these days.
	Say what?
	You're breaking up.
	You're really into knitting these days, right?
	I'm really into knitting?
	Yeah, that's like your new things.
	Well, if I start knitting.
	Making booties.
	Hopefully I knit the yarn directly into my penis because that means I have literally gone bat shit and there's no turning back.
	I mean, just, you know, when you have a kid and they start out in those initial months where you can like, you can put them in the play area and that's good enough and they'll be content in there for quite a long while and you know they can't get out of there.
	They can barely crawl anyway.
	And you can just go play Xbox or whatever.
	If you need to kill zombies, that's great.
	We've got a container here that you can jail your child in for a period of time.
	And then as they start walking and running, that just doesn't work anymore.
	It really just doesn't.
	So the days for me, and in addition to just my mental fatigue with regard to talking politics with people, I just don't have the fucking time.
	And I see a lot of people that are there for every political issue.
	Sardondi, is that how you pronounce that?
	Or does anyone know how you pronounce that?
	I think it's Sardondi.
	I say Sardondi.
	We know who you're talking about.
	Paperboy.
	And I agree with these people that I'm speaking of here by and large.
	They're wicked smart.
	They're wicked smart.
	They really are.
	But it's just I'm in awe by the amount of time that is invested by them in the course of arguing politics with people on the forum.
	I just, I don't have it in me.
	And if you go back and look at my older posts back to April 2008, my God, I was just like them.
	I was in there every given opportunity.
	I was in there arguing politics with people.
	I just cannot do it anymore.
	And I know that if I just make an innocent little quip about something of a political nature in a political thread, I'm going to get drawn in.
	And then I'm just simply not going to respond to the post that the person used in an attempt to draw me in.
	And then they're going to perceive me as being some sort of a hit and run pussy.
	I agree.
	Does anybody else get that feeling?
	Because I got to tell you, sometimes I post something, I'm like, you know, and then the hour is gone.
	I go back and I read and I'm like, oh, fuck.
	Why did I say that?
	Do you guys feel like an hour?
	Do you feel like an hour is long enough?
	Because I always felt like if you really, I didn't really want to give an hour myself.
	It used to be like 20 or 30 minutes, but a lot of people explained it.
	Five minutes?
	Was it?
	I think it was like five minutes at one point.
	Yeah, just enough time to go through and say, oh, I missed a period.
	Click.
	There it is.
	Post.
	I remember when you used to be able to see how many times you edited it.
	Oh, yeah.
	And I have had like 20 edits.
	It would say, edited by Onan at 1752.
	Well, fuck, that was just a minute ago.
	And I can't believe he's so invested in this.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Well, I got tired of that.
	And every time I would adjust anything, it would always say, Post edited by admin at 17.
	Oh, Christ.
	Why does everyone have to see this?
	So I finally found a way to get rid of that, which is nice.
	But some people think the hour is not long enough, but I always felt like it's good to preserve continuity and context.
	Because, I mean, look how many people use this forum.
	Anything you post could be followed up with 30 or 40 additional posts in response to what you said over the course of half an hour.
	And then what?
	You should be able to come back and erase all.
	I think one of the biggest complainers on that was Hal.
	Some of you may recall him.
	Some of you may recall him.
	But he was constantly complaining about that.
	He would cite other forums where you can just go back and delete every post you've ever submitted to the forum.
	And that shit is definitely not happening because if that happened, anytime someone gets pissed and decides to leave the forum, the first thing they would want to do is go back and delete every post they've ever submitted.
	I'm not stupid.
	I know exactly what would happen.
	This forum would have a quarter of the posts it currently has.
	Make no sense.
	Yeah, all the context would be ripped right out of everything.
	There would be no flow.
	Nothing would make any sense whatsoever.
	I know what I'm doing.
	Leave me alone.
	I haven't a clue myself, but I'll let you go.
	Hey, Agent Orange is here.
	In the chat room?
	Yeah.
	If you're listening to this live, that means you're probably already at UFO ship.
	Yeah, call us.
	Call us.
	Well, you're saying that like we're drowning here.
	Do you feel like we're tanking that badly?
	You're like, call us.
	If you've ever done anything of worth, you'll do this.
	Call us.
	Please, God, call us now.
	God, I didn't feel like the show was tanking that badly.
	It's like you're calling up your stepmom to try and get her on the show with us.
	We need to hype.
	We need to juice this thing up.
	Let me get my stepmom on Skype.
	She's outside potting plants right now.
	Surely that'll help.
	That'll get the calls coming.
	573-837-4948.
	It's 573-837-4948.
	If you're listening to this show right now, you're probably already at ufoship.com.
	But if you're somehow listening to this and you're not there, you can go there.
	We have a chat room.
	The stream is embedded in that chat room, so you won't have to have any players or anything like that running.
	You will have to have a browser that's capable of Flash, but that's the extent of any technical requirements on your part.
	That number again is 573-837-4948.
	It's 573-837-4948.
	I think what we'll do is take a break here.
	And as you'll hear, we're using the same old bumper music.
	We've got to get some stuff in.
	I was given some stuff to play on the show by Guild Navigator.
	I just haven't had a chance to get everything together and put it all in here.
	This being our premiere broadcast.
	And I can't even believe we're doing the show, frankly.
	I'm so unprepared.
	He's one that's been around forever.
	Yeah, actually, he's been around a while.
	It's really interesting to go look at the member list and then arrange them all by date signed up and just remark at the number of people actually who are still using the forum on a regular basis.
	Yeah.
	It's very surprising.
	Anyway, give us a call: 573-837-4948.
	573-837-4948.
	We'd be really happy to have you on the show.
	And that is not a toll-free number.
	I hope you enjoy that.
	back in a minute.
	What's up?
	This is the GabCast.
	We had a caller during the break, but they disconnected as soon as the music started for us to come back.
	They were identified as unidentified phone number.
	So whoever you are, unidentified phone number, we'd really appreciate it if you could call back.
	The number again is 573-837-4948.
	It's 573-837-4948.
	You know, I think one of the things that obviously we should talk about is the relationship between Coast to Coast AM and Art Bell and Art's new show, Dark Matter, and how all of that stuff factors in together, what your impressions are, and what the future holds.
	I'm kind of curious to see what your opinions are on Art's new show and the guest poaching that's taken place.
	All of us having been made aware of that by Art himself, who tonight I see has labeled Tuesday night's guest as Ping, Wednesday as Pong.
	And I don't know anything about Thursday.
	So for those who don't know, which I don't see how you don't know, if you're listening to this show, you're probably a big Art Bell listener due to your Bell Gab Association.
	Art Bell has noticed a trend where when he announces a guest, the guest is shuffled around in order to appear on Coast to Coast AM just before the Art Bell appearance.
	And they're also being told not to appear on Art's show, or if they do, they're not going to be able to appear on Coast to Coast AM.
	Nor is such a cunt.
	You know, that's the thing.
	Art says that Norrie has publicly stated before that he has direct and complete control over who is a guest on the show.
	Yet you don't think that's true?
	No.
	I think that there's reason to believe it's not true because he just seems like such a molded, sculpted, malleable, just wishy-washy, leadable guy.
	I can't believe he's really in charge of much of anything over there.
	I don't think anything that we get on national or majorly broadcasted radio has any semblance of reality.
	I really don't.
	I really don't know what George Nori is like personally, but I believe that he's got control over who's on his show.
	Well, I mean, he ultimately is the guy that hasn't talked to them.
	So I would think he could, in fact, say, I'm not going on tonight with this guest.
	You just get another host.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, was that you, Eddie?
	From your lips to God's ears, I just feel like if Norrie had that much control, they would never have guests because what?
	Other night of open lines.
	He would just never get any work done, and he would never actually book anybody because he's such a lazy bastard.
	Hold on, I'm getting pounded with phone calls.
	So let's go ahead and take one of these here.
	Hi.
	Hi, you're on the air.
	Hi, this is Unidentified Caller.
	Hi there.
	I love that name.
	I thought about naming my daughter that, but it wasn't quite Arab enough.
	I'm Agent Orange.
	Hey, what's going on?
	You know, I have to say.
	How are you, fellas?
	I have to say, one of the happier things that's happened for me in quite some time where the forum is concerned is your return.
	You left for a long time, and I don't say things like that to people lightly.
	I'm not good at accepting compliments, and I'm not good at giving them, but I really do have to say your departure left me feeling a little butthurt.
	Well, cheers.
	I'm glad I was able to come back.
	It was a really busy time for me.
	So have you heard any of the current discussion we're having about Art Bell and the relationship between his new show and Coast to Coast and just some of our impressions on that?
	What do you think on that subject?
	Well, I really like the new show.
	Coast has been bleeding out for a long time.
	And I think Dark Matter is a really good show.
	And he just needs to get some new guests on.
	You know, it's perfect other than we need some fresh blood on there.
	You know, here's some fresh perspectives.
	And, man.
	I think that'll happen.
	You know, what I noticed is that we all have pretty much high expectations about the show.
	But I remember when I listened to Art Bell when he was on all the time before, and I think Paperboy said it best one time in the forum is that he only listened to maybe five or six shows a month.
	And I think that's where I want to be, too.
	I don't need to have a killer show every night.
	He's been knocking it out of the park lately, though.
	I agree with you.
	The FBI guy was a great guest.
	And again, a new voice.
	I think what's really annoying to me is I'm hearing myself, by the way.
	I don't know if someone's got me coming through speakers or what that is, but.
	Turn down your radio, please.
	It turned off turned off.
	Turn your internet off.
	I made sure to turn it off before I dialed.
	You mean to tell me you called this podcast with your radio up, you son of a bitch?
	Anyway, I think it's a little annoying when I hear people complaining about the guests on Art's show because I never, ever, ever, not since I began listening to Art in 1993 when I was 13, never have I tuned into that show to hear guests.
	I never, ever gave a shit about the guests.
	I was just so in awe of Art and his ability to wield this craft of radio and make it look so easy and to consistently ask the questions that were in my mind at that moment.
	That's why I always listened.
	I never gave a shit if it were Hoagland, if it were Ed Danes, this laundry list of guests that people feel done with personally.
	I never cared.
	There's been a couple that I've liked.
	He interviewed Sean Carroll years ago, and I really thought that was an excellent interview.
	I kind of like Kaku, but I thought Carroll really was.
	I don't like Kaku.
	I think he's turned into a radio or a publicity.
	He's an attention whore.
	He's a publicity whore.
	And the moment I started hating Kaku was when I heard him on Opi and Anthony during the BP oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico.
	And so they were talking to him about that disaster, and they were asking him, okay, so what's the solution?
	What needs to be done down there?
	And Kaku kept saying, oh, this is a physics problem.
	This is entirely a physics problem.
	Everything needs...
	See, I love how every time Anthony imitates Kaku, he talks about a flowing river.
	Time is a river.
	Imagine a river.
	And time is a river flowing through this river and a river.
	But anyway, Kaku would not answer the question.
	He just kept saying, oh, this is a physics problem.
	This is entirely a physics.
	He didn't want to either, A, admit that he has no fucking clue what needs to be done, or B, he wanted to make sure that he revealed what the big secret is in some form of a formal consultation at which he's being paid.
	I think he was trying to make KS.
	Go ahead.
	Oh, pardon me.
	I think it's a bit of the former, and that I think that it's easy for a guy like him to get carried away giving an answer.
	And I think I don't know.
	I think that's true.
	I'm so put an answer.
	And I think he should also say, hey, you guys really need to get a geologist or a geophysicist on here to talk to.
	I kind of think he might be.
	Why couldn't he just say that?
	I want to say something.
	I don't know.
	I think he should.
	And I think there are some times that, you know, these guys like Neil deGrasse Tyson as well had some moments of this.
	He's my favorite now.
	I don't know about the new Cosmos trailer, man.
	I've seen it a few times, and I'm a bit nervous.
	He's my new physicist hero.
	I've always had a physicist hero.
	At any point in my life, he could come to me, and that might change on a monthly basis.
	But I've now landed on Neil deGrasse Tyson.
	What were you going to say, Onan?
	Yeah, don't interrupt, Onan, please.
	Go ahead.
	No, I just wanted to get to one point.
	And the reason I called you out, AO, before you called was that I'm really interested with some of the longtime members.
	They have such unique names.
	And I've always been curious as how you came across using Agent Orange.
	I mean, I know what Agent Orange is, but why was that the reason you picked that?
	I don't know.
	To be honest with you, I've seen Reservoir Dogs recently, and I thought it's a neat little reference that I can put into a different name.
	That's really, there was nothing much behind it.
	Well, yeah.
	But there's several like you.
	There's Fantastic Shisan.
	I can't remember.
	Sans Shi-san, which I think Sanshi-san means 33 in Japanese.
	Okay.
	And they'll come to me later.
	But there's several.
	Let's all sit here and try to recite Belgab usernames.
	Eddie Dean, go.
	Scody Dog.
	Redacted.
	Dow of Lux Lisbon.
	That was another one.
	I didn't realize you could organize the user list by join date.
	Yeah, just click it at the top of the column there.
	It'll sort.
	Yeah, it's interesting.
	You'll see whose name is there at the top of that list.
	It's a pretty big accomplishment in my life.
	You know, has anybody looked at their stats or looked at, because I was like, Christ, have I really spent that much time on this?
	Isn't it depressing?
	Look at mine.
	Look at mine, and you'll see what an insufferable faggot I am.
	I'm horrible.
	I have, well, I have more of a life than I used to, but I guess in the first three to four years of this website's existence, I don't know.
	Maybe I didn't.
	Well, I will admit that I often leave the forum up when I go to work, so I put in a lot of hours for I'm not actually here.
	There is something about it.
	It's like some sort of a dopamine receptor.
	Something is getting tweaked in my brain every time I click the unread topics button and see what people have posted.
	It's like there's some sort of a, it's like that, I don't know what's going on here, but B-Dub, I think your mic just made a, yep, that's you.
	Can you hear us, B-Dub?
	Oh, gosh.
	He's got that thing going that he had going earlier.
	Remember that pretty much killed our auditory?
	B-Dub, you back?
	I don't know.
	I'm just going to hang up on him.
	Maybe he'll notice something is askew.
	That's the only thing I can think to do.
	Get the fuck out of here.
	So anyway, Agent Orange, do you have anything you'd like to throw at us?
	Or was it you just responding to Onan's little shots he's throwing at you in the chat room?
	I don't even know what he said to you.
	Yeah, I never thought I'd really have the chance to speak with you guys face-to-face or at least voice to voice.
	What do you think about a Bell Gab convention?
	I personally am fucking frightened by the idea.
	Oh, I'm terrified, but I can't turn away.
	I would never go to something like that.
	That's never going to happen, at least not with me.
	Was it called the GabCon or something?
	Yeah, what did I call it?
	Wasn't that...
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	I'm never going to go to something of that nature.
	Do you know how many people out there really, really, viscerally hate me?
	And do you know how likely I am?
	Do you know how likely I am to encounter my own Mark David Chapman at this thing?
	I'm going to be signing like a printout of the George Norris Sucks thread, and someone's going to walk up to me and say, Mr. Van Diven, and shoot me in the back.
	And they're going to have a cleft palette.
	You know, that's one thing I do have to say is I've never understood.
	I have seen a couple people go off on you on the phone.
	like, what the fuck is this?
	Well, look, I mean...
	There was a guy by the name of... I can't remember his name, but he came back and said and changed his name to Michael Van Dieven is a...
	Oh.
	You remember who I'm talking about?
	Similar things have happened on so many occasions.
	I'll just acknowledge the spirit of what you're describing and say, yes, I have been there.
	The only thing I can figure out is that you are going and fucking their mothers behind their back.
	I don't know what else can bring that kind of.
	Well, I've done that many times, but I think the reason they really hate me is just the administrative crap I have to do on the forum.
	And I do not want to be that guy.
	I don't want to be an administrator.
	I just want to participate in the forum like everybody else does, but I fucking can't because I'm an administrator.
	I hear that stuff from people all the time.
	Like if my opinion on something is a little caustic, they'll start talking about, well, the Timson service say that I can do that.
	No, I'm just talking to you as a human.
	Some of that's kind of normal, though.
	You know, I got to tell you, my first six months on the forum, I was pretty much kind of, oh, I don't want to piss off MD.
	Really?
	Do I give that vibe to people?
	No, it has nothing to do with you.
	It's just that, you know, there's some basic level of respect or respect.
	Well, yeah, I agree.
	I agree at some level, but you've got to accept the fact that it's going to be there.
	There are going to be people that are going to, you know, not everybody's going to be the top dog.
	It's just the way the world works.
	And some people are going to...
	Go ahead.
	Oh, pardon me.
	Everybody's been on a forum where the administrator comes off as a nice guy and then turns out to be a complete asshole.
	Well, sir, I'm sure that a lot of people would say that about me, though.
	Like Bellgab.
	Yeah.
	I mean, there are people out there who absolutely would say that about me.
	I don't think so.
	I mean, you take a minimum sort of involvement stance on things, right?
	Things pretty much run themselves unless there's some term of service or something that somebody's violated.
	Other than that, you're just a user like everybody else, right?
	B-W, would you like to tell everyone what you like about me?
	No?
	I'm constantly amazed at how you will just, like, when we started and you went off about the guy with the hair lip or the cleft palette or something, I'm like, that just amazes the shit out of me because I'm always concerned, like, I'm going to upset somebody or do something offensive.
	And you just clearly just don't care.
	It's just a matter.
	I think it's a matter of perspective.
	You know, at some point, you just got to realize that we're talking to what, maybe 200 people.
	And.
	200 million.
	Oh, well, now I guess I'll ship my pants.
	Funny how no one's getting paid.
	I love the way that works.
	I got so much money.
	I don't need anymore.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you're just going to go out and buy that new microphone like it's nothing.
	Just rub it in all our faces.
	I'm trying to look and see how many people we actually do have listening.
	Oops, I almost hit the right link, but not quite.
	Right now, We have 24 people listening live on the stream, and there will be countless non-dozens listening on the download.
	Who knows how many people download?
	I've been complaining for a while now that the stats on the Trainwreck show and the spec sheet really suck ass.
	We got some funny people that are posting.
	I wish I could read the chat room because I just, it's too much multitasking for me for myself.
	Isn't that how you join the forum?
	MB has to bang your mom.
	First, I need to interview your sister and see what diseases she has.
	Hi, Jasmunda.
	Hi, how you going?
	Hi, Andre.
	What's up, Jazz?
	Not much.
	Can you guys hear me fine?
	Because I'm actually talking to you through Skype, but I'm doing it in my car whilst driving.
	So you actually just simply dialed in the Skype app the number that I've given on the air, right?
	Yes, that's true.
	And it works flawlessly, doesn't it?
	You sound great.
	Great.
	Fantastic.
	I hope I don't have a car accident.
	That's great.
	See you later.
	Bye.
	I just wanted to see if you guys would sign my petition to get the infamous Robert Casio back on Bellgab.
	Absolutely not.
	Absolutely not.
	No way.
	I really need my six of Japanese surveillance video of London.
	You're still on YouTube.
	Yeah, but I want, you know, it's like, I want you on.
	I want them to live it through Bellgab, you know?
	I don't watch anything on YouTube.
	It's not on Bellgab Fest.
	I want fresh material.
	It's like porn.
	You can't watch the same porn over and over and over.
	Oh, yeah, you can.
	The reason he got banned wasn't as much because of his creepiness as it was the number of reported posts he was generating.
	I mean, literally, my inbox was, I mean, you'd have to scroll down to see the emails that are not the result of a reported post from him.
	And that just gets so annoying, you know?
	It's like the biggest sin you can commit on Bellgab is just to be a high-maintenance user.
	That's really it.
	Just don't make me take time out of my day to deal with your bullshit, and you're probably going to be fine.
	Really?
	I went to his YouTube site.
	You know, he's got over 3,000 YouTube videos out there.
	Oh, my God.
	Imagine how much bandwidth that consumes.
	Of himself?
	Yeah.
	Why?
	I mean, did any of you guys watch the video of him cleaning the cat boxes?
	Yeah.
	No.
	I watched three of them, and that was one I was lucky enough.
	Did you watch three?
	What's wrong with you?
	One wasn't enough.
	I was actually trying to figure out, is he just playing us?
	Or is he really small?
	Because I think he is.
	Was he like really pensive and serious?
	He's like, okay, here's a nug.
	There's no way to describe it.
	There's really no way to describe it.
	And I'm not going to say you should go watch it.
	Hey, Onan, is there any way you can quickly get me a link to that so I could play some of the audio of it?
	Oh, no.
	Oh, you have to.
	I'll do it next time.
	I wish we could get to that.
	I mean, there's no way I can sift through 3,000 YouTube videos.
	I don't remember which one it was.
	If you have, Michael, if you've got, do you have access to your trash folder in Bellgab?
	Because it was one of the last that posts in the thread that was deleted.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	I don't know how to use the forum.
	I can't find it.
	I really, sometimes I don't.
	Sometimes I just feel like I don't know how to use the forum.
	I don't think I can find that.
	That guy, I just, You know, the one question, the one elephant in the room that no one really mentions, that guy probably, I got the impression that he's in his late 20s, maybe 27, 28.
	Why is he missing so many teeth?
	Is he missing teeth?
	He's been bullied since he was five years old.
	For Christ's sake, somebody knocked him out.
	He's missing the two center teeth and then the two next to those.
	And then I think they're called incisors all the way across to the incisors.
	He's missing, it appears.
	Hockey?
	No, no, Neo.
	No, Cassio.
	Yeah, but he should be playing hockey, right?
	Let's give him the benefit of the doubt.
	Well, if...
	Unless there's hockey pucks or cat litter, no, I'm afraid not.
	Unless a major...
	We have a saying in Australia that he's a few snags short of a barbie.
	Meaning he's a few sausages, I think.
	Someone asked him if he was a major drug user at any point.
	He's a few sausages short of a barb chip.
	Your connection's geeking out on us there.
	I don't know.
	We're getting delayed audio from you.
	Your shitty country with your shitty 4G.
	God.
	Anyway, someone on the forum asked him if he had any drug problems at any point in his past.
	And I'm sure that's why they were asking because of the tooth situation.
	They were probably wondering if there had ever been any methamphetamine use or anything like that in the past.
	I just think 27 or 28 is a little young to be missing six teeth all in the front top yard.
	He never played a lot of hockey.
	Where was he from?
	Man.
	Alabama?
	Probably somewhere in Alaska, somewhere very remote in Alaska.
	His dad's working on a crab boat.
	Never comes home.
	His mom left his dad, moved to Seattle 12 years ago, never calls them, never talks, never writes.
	I actually think he's probably got some disability and he's got you see a lot of his home where he's living.
	And I'm willing to bet that's not if it's not boarding a house, it's damn close.
	Boarding house.
	Does anyone live in a boarding house?
	I thought that ended with Lee Harvey Oswald.
	No one lived in a boarding house after that.
	I have 110 clients and probably 80% of them live in boarding houses.
	Well, what is a boarding house?
	I guess that's the problem here.
	It's a house that's pretty much been broken up into individual rooms.
	Yeah.
	Locks on them, and there's one or two toilets, a kitchen, and you live in your room, and you share the other amenities.
	God, that sounds miserable.
	Yeah, it is.
	It really is.
	I did that in college.
	No big deal.
	It's like, no big deal.
	You do rehabilitation?
	Who me?
	Yeah.
	Or are you more involved on the medical end of...
	I'm more involved on the medical side of it.
	That's agent.
	That's Agent Orange talking for anybody who just tuned in.
	For the new listeners.
	Hi.
	Okay, so this is obviously coming to a halt here.
	Obviously, we're tanking at this point.
	And who's sharpening a pencil or using a cheese grater?
	I don't know what you're doing.
	What is that?
	It's my shitty old mouse.
	It's always B-dub with the bullshit audio problems coming through.
	What was that thing that happened earlier when it sounded like you were literally eating your microphone?
	I don't quite understand what that was.
	I was eating like a Hershey's kiss.
	Yeah.
	But my face was like a foot from the mic, so the fact that it could pick that up is a little scary.
	No, what happens is something...
	What is that?
	That's my mouse.
	I'm scrolling through the screen.
	My God, that sounds like a shit.
	What the hell is wrong with this?
	Is your mouse pad a bastard file?
	This is the original mouse and track wheel that came with my Dell in 2009.
	I use it.
	Man, it's loud.
	But what was happening earlier?
	I'm not telling you don't use your scroll.
	He's all defeated and just like, oh.
	All right.
	No, I'm just saying it's loud.
	And something happened with your mic earlier where it was literally like you changed to a different microphone and everything sounded entirely different.
	I'm sorry, I drank Mountain Dew before the show.
	I'm such a tool.
	I can't speak properly.
	I'm burping every 12 seconds.
	But it sounded like you were using an entirely different microphone at one point.
	Oh, okay.
	I see.
	Well, why didn't you just say that to me?
	He's texting me.
	He's IMing me to tell me what happened.
	I don't know why you IM'd it to me.
	Why didn't you just say that?
	What about changing computers?
	Yeah.
	He said I switched computers.
	My laptop is dying, apparently.
	I didn't want to interrupt.
	We don't want the audience to know that kind of information about dog abusers.
	That's privy.
	We all have the highest tech stuff in front of us.
	Well, Agent Orange, I'm really glad you called.
	You sound like a psychologically well-adjusted man, which I never expect from internet people.
	Does anybody ever remember his story about the hotel room?
	That lost in my brain.
	I don't remember that.
	What is it?
	Yeah, you tell him.
	No, you tell his story, Odin.
	What kind of an asshole are you?
	Go ahead.
	I was going out to a conference out in Halifax, and my wife booked a hotel for me that was near the conference center.
	And I walked in and I thought, man, this place looks like the Overlook.
	And, I mean, there's old wallpaper and like these creepy black and white photos hanging all over the walls.
	And it was just too much for me.
	So I went out and I met some friends and I said, you guys got to come back to this hotel with me and check this place out.
	This place is haunted, man.
	For sure.
	So we all come back, take a look around the place, and everybody freaks out about it.
	And I went online and found out that the site is actually supposed to be a haunted location.
	It's at the end of all these different ghost tours that go around Halifax.
	So the next morning, I had a shower.
	I was leaving, had a shower.
	And while the mirror on the wall was still wet, I took my finger and wrote, help me, I am in hell on the mirror.
	Oh, that's comfortable.
	The next asshole that has a shower in that room, that guy's going to lose it.
	Wow.
	Great story.
	That guy's going to take a nice shower.
	He's going to get nicely cleaned.
	His skin's going to be, it's going to have a hint of squeak.
	He's going to be so clean.
	And then he's going to get out and he's going to see that and he's going to brown noise all over the place.
	Yes, yes.
	Sam.
	Well, that was certainly an entertaining story.
	We thank you for that contribution.
	And next week on NPR, we'll have another guest to tell us about his haunted house story.
	All right, Agent Orange.
	It's been a pleasure.
	It was a great, great honor to speak to all of you.
	Right back at you, buddy.
	You too.
	Thanks, buddy.
	Cheers.
	One of my all-time favorite Bell Gab posters, along with Aldous Burbank, an obvious favorite as well.
	I kind of wish he would call the show.
	I don't know what that is.
	You know what I really like about Aldous is no matter what you've got to say, no matter how well you've thought something out, that guy will give you another perspective every time.
	Yep.
	And by the way, if someone's listening to this podcast and they're saying, oh, I don't know.
	It's kind of, I don't know, it's not as good as I thought it would be.
	You know, I'm just like, I can take it and leave it.
	This is how I feel.
	I'm just like, you know, fuck it.
	If I miss it, I miss it.
	I don't know.
	Well, one thing to keep in mind is you're going to have to be a regular user of Bellgab.
	And I'm not saying that this podcast suddenly becomes great if you are a Belgab user.
	This is the first show.
	We got to kind of get a rhythm and everything down, but it does help if you are a regular user and you're up with all the gossip and the personalities that are there, which is an interesting conversation in itself, the number of personalities and how they just come and go.
	You know, I tell you what, this forum's been around since April 2008, and I cannot tell you the number of people.
	I was really naive in the beginning, and so I would become really friendly with people just thinking, yeah, hey, they're on the forum.
	You know, they're really nice.
	I'm being nice to them, and we seem to get along great.
	So let's be chummy.
	And then so you sort of, you don't mean to, and I don't mean to sound entirely gay, but you sort of get psychologically accustomed to seeing those people and chatting with them from time to time.
	Yeah, I agree.
	And then suddenly they're not there.
	And I cannot tell you how many times that has happened.
	People just leave the forum.
	You don't hear another word from them with regard to why they left the forum.
	Even if you send them a message and say, hey, what's up?
	Are you alive?
	Yeah.
	They don't respond, which, hey, that could be your answer, I guess.
	I don't know.
	Or they're in jail.
	Well, I mean, over 2,000 people, I don't know the exact number.
	I'd have to go look.
	But well over 2,000 people have joined the forum since it started.
	And certainly, over the course of five and a half, nearly six years, certainly some of those people have died.
	I know of a couple that I think definitely have.
	Centurion 73, I don't know if anybody remembers him.
	Yeah, I do.
	Yeah, he's dead.
	Damn.
	Yeah.
	Formerly Art Bell.
	Well, she called herself Art Bell fan on Bellgab, but her name on the Fantastic Forum was Shirley Powell.
	I guess everybody pretty much knows that she's dead.
	Who else died?
	There was another guy whose son came on the forum.
	Oh, yeah.
	I read that.
	Wasn't that just sad?
	I mean, I'm so cynical.
	I'm like, oh, fuck, we're just being players.
	This guy's trying to get money out of me.
	I know it.
	Yeah, man, the urn.
	It's just expensive.
	We just made a Lexus payment.
	And we just, you know, I will pay you back.
	Just send the money order.
	And, yeah.
	What was the story?
	A guy, a user died, and then the father came on as the user to explain that he had died.
	What's the story behind that?
	Well, I think his son actually came in using his account or registered another account.
	I don't remember just to tell everyone his dad had died.
	Oh, okay.
	Because he knew his dad had been using the forum regularly.
	Although when I saw this, I went back and looked at his posts, and he hadn't really posted that much.
	Maybe he was just primarily a lurker, who knows?
	But that was sad.
	I don't know.
	And it kind of made me say to myself, what does someone do in order to apprise everybody of the fact that they've died?
	I mean, if either of you died, wouldn't you, I mean, I know it wouldn't necessarily be at the top of your list.
	You might be thinking more about financial matters, not Bellgab.
	But wouldn't you kind of want people to somehow know that you've croaked?
	And if you did want them to know, how would you necessarily go about that?
	I don't even know.
	EVPs.
	I don't even know what mechanism I would employ to make people aware of the fact that I've croaked.
	And my wife couldn't do it.
	She has no idea how to get into my account.
	She doesn't even know how to post.
	She doesn't even understand what Bellgab is.
	She just looks at the AdSense revenue every week and goes, I think I like her.
	I do too.
	She's not bad.
	She's my brown-skinned sugar plum, as Robert Plant said.
	Anyway, I don't know.
	What do you guys want to talk about?
	You think we should end the show?
	Hell no.
	What does everybody think about the live threads?
	That seems to be a big hit so far.
	I'm surprised by that.
	And I wasn't too sure about it either when somebody, I think it was Morgus that first brought that up before art came on the air.
	And I was thinking, I didn't know how it would really play out, but those threads are a lot of fun, really.
	Listening to art and conversing with everybody and yucking it up, it's really a lot of fun.
	AdSense revenue doubled when we created those threads.
	Wow.
	Can you believe that?
	Yeah.
	It went from $12 a month to $24.
	Unbelievable.
	I'm just looking at the stats for him right now, and there's no activity in the live threads.
	Have we forgotten to turn those on, maybe?
	Well, there's the live thread for tonight's Dark Matters show, but it's not.
	It hasn't started yet.
	Yeah.
	We're still 45 minutes away from Dark Matter.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I think, well, you know, we kind of glossed over a subject and then got sidetracked or something.
	But we were talking about, you know, whether Art's lost some kind of edge since he was on the last time.
	Or whether his guests are just redundant and old and need to be dumped in favor of new guests.
	And, uh.
	Well, look what happened when Art got that one new guy.
	It was, I think, the second weekend.
	I can't remember.
	He was talking about the Ely UFOs and that guy got hammered.
	Yeah, I mean, that guy got hammered, and he was a new guest.
	And I'm guessing the art brought him in because he wanted new blood.
	But yeah, that guy got hammered.
	He had an interesting story.
	Seemingly was a new UFO crash that no one had ever heard of.
	But he didn't have a mic or he didn't have a real phone.
	Yeah, I remember that.
	He had a crappy connection.
	He sounded terrible.
	And he did absolutely no show prep.
	I think there was no show.
	He was not ready at all.
	He was not ready at all.
	He was kind of, yeah, he was kind of jumping all over the place.
	And I'm not saying anyone needs to have full credibility, but if you can't keep your story straight when you're trying to give it, it's like, man.
	Well, when you're talking about an alien raping your dog in the woods, it's a little hard to have credibility to begin with, let alone when you're not prepared to deliver it.
	Some of the people that do come on that show, though, can pull it off.
	Yeah, Richard C. Hogan does a really good job of pulling it off.
	I think because they believe it, really.
	They believe the story themselves.
	I think so.
	I mean, when you, if Richard C. Hoagland were seated across from an FBI interviewer, that interviewer would totally walk away saying, this guy believes what he's saying.
	He's legit, yeah.
	Maybe.
	Oh, B-W.
	Always the buzzkill.
	My God.
	I think Hoagland is just a con man.
	Well, he is, but any good con man causes himself over time to actually believe what he's selling to people.
	You have to believe the lie, yeah.
	I remember when I first learned about Hoagland, and I was fascinated with the face on Mars.
	I thought, man, wouldn't that be awesome?
	And I mean, six months, it kind of just was always on my brain.
	And then, you know, then it started being more weird shit and more.
	Yeah, he just kept going with it.
	Does anyone know how Hoagland accounts for the fact that when you view the face with quotation marks from a different angle, it's no longer a face?
	How does he reconcile that?
	It's all a NASA conspiracy.
	Oh, fuck him.
	Great minds, think alike.
	There you go.
	God, that's so boring.
	I mean, really?
	Is that all you got?
	Everyone at NASA's lying, really.
	I had to.
	I got paid to do a review of that of his first book, maybe his only book about the face on Mars.
	Well, I'm sure he's done more.
	And there's, I mean, he just, he's so full of himself that he went on to this great explanation about how he saw structures in the side views of some of the, and he is, and he said that it was some sort of building complex.
	And then he realized later on that actually, no, it was just a printing error that's caused by what's called a more pattern.
	Oh, it wasn't a TCBY yogurt.
	No.
	This was what I'm, but then he went on to try to justify his error as fact for why it really was what it was.
	It's like, you are.
	He just keeps getting deeper and deeper into the lie.
	I mean, was his book the one that was talking about the eyeballs in the face in Mars and you could see the outline and you could tell that this was there.
	I mean, he just kept going and going and going.
	And I don't understand how he can still believe that.
	Steelbot saying one white pigeon.
	My first exposure to Hoagland was this talk that he did at the United Nations for some reason.
	And for, huh?
	He did a talk at the United Nations about the face on Mars.
	You mean outside of the United Nations?
	No, it was in a room.
	And I don't, I think he just rented a conference center or something.
	It was in a room.
	It was inside.
	He had like, it was a pretty nice little room or whatever.
	And given that it was at the United Nations, he seemed fairly intelligent.
	It was like, well, it's kind of plausible.
	But then he just kept extrapolating from the sacred geometry to like Mars, Earth, Mercury, Jupiter, like every planet in the solar system had this thing.
	And it was just like, this is crazy.
	And I just started making jokes about his hair at that point.
	Like, it's like, what is up with this?
	His hair kind of looks like Wolverine, doesn't it?
	Yeah, a little bit of.
	Or is it Wolverine?
	Am I mistaken?
	I'm not really up on my superhero characters, but doesn't Wolverine sort of have Oakland hair?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, the guy with the mutton chops and the steel blades in his hand.
	Yeah, and the, what's the cowboy tie, a bolo tie?
	Yeah.
	Oh, God.
	That's a horrible fashion approach.
	I mean, I have no sense of fashion.
	If you saw me, you would just be aghast at what I wear on a daily basis.
	The bolo tie is big in Arizona.
	I don't know why.
	My grandpa used to wear those bolo ties all the time.
	That's the key.
	Your grandpa.
	If you live in Sun City, yes.
	If you live anywhere else, no.
	Sun City's a retirement community in Arizona.
	So anyway, everyone complained about a lot of the guests that art has had on recently.
	And I'm sitting here thinking, man, we've been sitting here on this forum screaming in the wind for five and a half years about how much we want art to be back.
	That's true.
	And I'm thinking some of those people really didn't care if he came back or not.
	They just psychologically want to complain about something.
	I just really do see that in some people.
	Well, that is true about a lot of people, even myself at times.
	I love to complain and bitch and moan.
	I love to argue.
	I love to be dissatisfied.
	It's a sport.
	I learned it from my grandmother, my disenchanted grandmother.
	Did she wear a bolo tie?
	Yes, but she wore it around her ankle.
	I thought it was so hip.
	It was just awesome.
	I said, grandma, you wear shorts everywhere we go because I don't want to be seen with you without that.
	I want you to put some little LED lights.
	Of course, at this time, we were still incandescent, but you get the point.
	Yeah.
	I think some people just want to complain about something.
	I can't see one facet of what art is doing currently that I could possibly complain about.
	It's 1996 all over again.
	Arguing is confused with critical thinking.
	It's what makes people think they're smart.
	And God knows I use that tactic a lot.
	So you just told me I'm not as smart as I thought I was all these years.
	I didn't know that was going to happen during this podcast.
	I've just had my entire psyche evaluated.
	Yeah, that's it.
	You do have a degree in such things.
	That's the way it goes.
	I don't know.
	I just don't see anything to complain about.
	I think that if the guest sucks, I really don't care because I have entirely, I have total faith in Art's ability to handle that, whether that means to go along with it and just continue with the way with things the way Art Bell would continue, or if it is to dump the guest.
	He knows when to do it.
	I just have total faith in his ability to conduct the show properly.
	I don't care what guest is on.
	I'm not going to just, I don't know.
	I'm just kind of disappointed by some of the reactions I've seen to Art's return.
	That's all.
	People are very bitchy.
	Yeah.
	I agree.
	I feel the same way.
	I feel the same way.
	Eddie Dean, what do you think?
	The only thing that I thought was kind of weird is, I mean, he went to satellite radio, extraterrestrial radio, and he doesn't let anybody cuss.
	I mean, I understand he wants to keep it, you know, child-friendly, but if you want to do that, tell everybody not to cuss.
	But then he puts in the delay.
	I don't know.
	I just thought that was kind of weird at this day and age.
	I understand.
	Man, it's Art's house and stuff.
	It's rules.
	But I thought it was just kind of overkill.
	I can see why someone would find that to be strange, but I frankly expected it.
	And I'm not at all surprised by his decision in that way.
	Yeah.
	It would be tough for me to converse with him because I do like to cuss, but I don't know.
	I just feel like on a show of that type, any profanity that would be injected into the show would just sort of be profanity for profanity's sake.
	And, oh, we're on satellite.
	Cunt.
	So anyway, Art, I got this 400X telescope, and I was looking at Mars, and I saw a crater system, and I looked over at my wife, and I said, Judith, that looks rather cunt-like, doesn't it?
	Take a look, Judith.
	And she looked at me and she responded, no, that's rather taint-like.
	I think that's a gooch I'm looking at right there.
	That's a gooch.
	If you look on the right side, you'll see where the labier minor is not really going where you want it to.
	You see that lactating nipple up there?
	That's crater CRJ5.
	Anyway, I don't know.
	I just feel like there are a lot of people who've finally been given what they've been pissing and moaning about wanting for the last five and a half years, and it's just not good enough.
	And I'm embarrassed by some of those.
	I'm just thinking, oh, God, I hope Art doesn't read that.
	So I'm looking at the chat room right now.
	We got Aldous Burbank is in there, but he's saying it's too complicated to call the show.
	It is a phone number.
	It is a phone number, Aldous.
	Give him some slack.
	Why?
	I don't know.
	He's got that head injury.
	Just back off.
	He's my connection, man.
	He just needs a little time to feel comfortable.
	Then he'll be on.
	Just no lighters.
	Don't light any lighters.
	He has a thing about that.
	And don't make eye contact.
	Whatever you do, for God's sake.
	And if he sheds while he's speaking, just let it fall.
	We've got a supply of brooms in the room next to us.
	We'll take care of it.
	There's no reason to comment about that as the hair is clumping and falling into balls on the floor that will certainly destroy our array of vacuum cleaners later in the day.
	My only advice is stay near the door.
	And turn on an exhaust fan if you know what's good for you.
	Did you guys read his description about when he was bit by scorpions or spiders or something on one of the live threads?
	Yeah, and I was sort of wondering, is that really what you're supposed to do?
	You're supposed to cauterize with a camel cigarette.
	Yeah, I mean, or with anything.
	I mean, is that really the solution to a scorpion sting?
	To cauterize the site?
	It was a recluse spider that he was talking about.
	Oh.
	Well, does that work?
	Fuck, I don't know.
	Apparently.
	I imagine if it destroyed the poison, it would stop it from killing all the surrounding tissue.
	I don't need to be around those spiders.
	Fuck them.
	I don't know.
	I think it'd be kind of cool to have a gaping wound in your stomach where you can sort of look in there, sort of an exploratory thing.
	Hey, there's my spleen.
	How about that?
	There's a large intestine, see how it just kind of, ooh, it's veiny.
	It's veiny.
	I wonder what it's like to poke it.
	Let me get in there.
	Ooh.
	Boy, it's sort of gooey.
	Yeah.
	I want to drink with you.
	Fucking fuck Wikipedia.
	I've got my own self-exploratory thing happening here.
	I can, look, it looks, if I move my stomach fat like this, it looks like a mouth.
	The smiling look.
	Look at that.
	He can even talk to you.
	Here, grab a banana.
	Put a banana in.
	Look.
	Can you get a picture of that?
	Because I'm going to get that as a tattoo.
	The banana fits perfectly.
	Act like you're banging my stomach with the banana.
	Yeah, there you go.
	Oh, that's awesome.
	Those are the things I would do had I been bitten by a profoundly poisonous spider that causes my skin to deteriorate into a gaping hole in my stomach.
	I wonder if there's like a porn site for people who have that fetish.
	Yeah, man.
	I want to look at gaping holes from rotten flesh as a result of spider bites.
	Ooh, yeah.
	I'm fetching that there.
	Oh, wow.
	That's not right.
	No matter what fetish you can think of, no matter what you can think of, I don't say that lightly.
	Anything you can think of in your mind, someone digs it.
	Someone's into it out there somewhere.
	So I know that if I got a spider bite like that and I had a big gaping hole in my stomach that looks like a vag, but we're all very clear about the fact that it's not a vag.
	It's just a spider bite where, what's it called?
	Necrosis.
	My flesh is killing and it's just rotting away.
	Someone is going to be spending some time with a roll of bounties as a result of that on a website of my choosing.
	I got nothing.
	You left me.
	Apparently, Mrs. Aldous Burbank is enjoying the conversation right now.
	She was like, no, don't put the cigar on there.
	Let it grow.
	I like that.
	He was like, no.
	Okay.
	Enough about spider bites and holes in people's stomachs with which you can have banana sex.
	Let's move on.
	Yes.
	Art Bell coming up in about 30 minutes.
	Who's tonight's guest?
	Tonight's guest is somebody named.
	His name is Jason Martell, and he's going to be talking about the lost cycle of time.
	I have no idea what that's going to be.
	But I tell you what, I'm going to be listening to see if Art does a good job because, you know, he's just lost his edge.
	You know?
	Art lost his edge, dude.
	I don't know.
	I might listen tonight, or I might just go watch Hee-Haw.
	I don't know.
	I want to do both.
	I was at my mom's house the other night, and Hee-Haw came on.
	Oh, yeah, man.
	Is this like a replayance of old shows?
	It was replays, yeah, of the original Hee-Haw that I recall seeing in the 80s when I was four.
	I was subtracted to that show, too.
	Wow.
	And my mom turns to me and says, Michael, do you remember Hee-Haw?
	And like, yeah.
	And she goes, Yeah.
	She says it shamingly.
	And apparently me saying, Yeah.
	Mint, leave it on because I don't want to watch anything else.
	So, yeah, I go to my mom's house to do my laundry because it's cheaper over there.
	And I have to watch Heehaw as my punishment.
	See, that's, yeah.
	You pay one way or the other, my friend.
	Well, I don't know how people found that to be comedically valid.
	Hee-haw.
	Times were different.
	There's no doubt about that.
	It's that country mentality.
	You can tell the same joke a thousand times and people always laugh at it.
	If you're a country.
	if you got break Star Mountain just posted that it's a spinoff of laughing Was it really?
	That was the point I was just going to get to.
	I remember in the late 60s watching Laugh and just thinking it was the funniest fucking thing in the world.
	Did you?
	And I remember I was able to catch a rebroadcast about 10 years ago.
	Oh, my God.
	I thought this was funny.
	Jesus, this is pathetic.
	Well, the thing is, like, the late 60s, early 70s, you know, people were stupid.
	That really isn't.
	They were stupid.
	You know, you could, like, Steve Martin tried to read the telephone book on the Johnny Carson show.
	It's like, that would be comedy.
	And I was reading Steve Martin's autobiography.
	He was talking about how he started to read the telephone book one night when he was on the tonight show.
	And he looked over and he saw Johnny.
	He was just sitting there shaking his head like, no, do not.
	And at that point, he dropped his telephone book and never went back.
	That makes me feel really douchey just hearing.
	Yeah, it was a time when people, you could just do stupid shit.
	People would be like, oh, it was hysterical.
	Watch out.
	Look, look, I've got a lollipop here.
	It's already got a rapper on it.
	I'm going to take a rapper from another lollipop and I'm going to put it on there.
	Let's do rappers check this out.
	It's going to be fucking hilarious.
	People were doing that many drugs and they were drinking that much fooze.
	I'm so happy it's the 60s right now.
	Look at this joke I'm doing for you.
	That's what I thought of Andy Kaufman, and he's considered a genius.
	I've never figured that one out.
	Yeah.
	I like the wrestling thing.
	That's the one thing most people hated him for.
	Yeah.
	We got another call coming in.
	Let me go ahead and take care of that.
	Hi there.
	You're on the air.
	Long time listener, first time caller.
	If you say that, we automatically hang up.
	I'm sorry.
	Roswells.
	Who's this?
	Great?
	Who's this?
	Wait, are we on the air?
	No, but this is Aldous.
	I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry for this.
	I'm being creepy, man.
	Oh, man.
	Hey, what's up, man?
	Who is it?
	Well, I don't know.
	Mr. Berlin Burbank, brother.
	I don't believe that.
	It's him.
	I think this is Evelyn.
	Yeah, they're three posts.
	They're very similar.
	Okay, well, I'm going to suspend disbelief for a moment, pretend this really is Aldous Burbank, and tell you that I really do love you as much as I could love any stranger on a forum, at least.
	And you have possibly one of the best usernames in Bellgab history.
	Not only that, but man, I do appreciate your post.
	I can't tell you how much.
	And I want to know about the necrotic.
	I want to know about the necrotic skin.
	I mean, is this really a valid solution?
	Putting a lit cigar into a spider bite?
	Does that really work?
	Are you bullshitting us with how cool you are?
	No, you definitely don't want to use a cigar.
	You definitely want to go with a camel.
	Let's see, unfiltered.
	You guys smoke that sucker halfway down?
	Get that thing nice and glowing and then do it.
	Seriously.
	Lightning round, quick flash.
	Your favorite personal story about your time with Timothy Leary.
	Go.
	One time, one time, we happened to be in the Berkeley Hills goofing around, and we hung with the man.
	But anyway, we split and we said bye.
	Nothing else was said.
	But I had this particular venom of a particular toad that I was known to carry, and another friend asked me to stop by.
	Well, I decided not to, headed down whatever.
	Got a call on my primitive 10-pound cell phone and my VW hippie bag.
	Wait a minute.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
	Don't glock.
	When was this?
	It would have to be probably 89.90.
	Okay, yeah, you could have reasonably had a cell phone back then.
	I thought you were talking about like the orphan Annie's butler type thing.
	It was a Motorola mobile talk 10-pound that could be an antenna with an antenna sticking out the backpack, mind you.
	So anyway, I don't think this is all from New York, and he says, hey, dude, I'm going to be at the dead show.
	It's whatever it was, Fat Tuesday or something.
	And why don't you meet me there?
	So I turned the VW around and decided to go ahead and drop off that venom at said friend's house just as a happenstance.
	And when I walked in there, Tim was there at my buddy's house.
	And he's like, the venom, dude?
	And I'm like, seriously.
	Wow.
	Well, so there was a round of the DMT and the venom that went around in that living room overlooking some beautiful scenery.
	And really not much of a word was said.
	It was just that calm, and there was no Tim Lurie bullshit, okay?
	What kind of an effect does the toad venom have on you?
	Well, the toad venom is a lot more of what you call an entheogen, not particularly a psychedelic.
	So it's not the retinal circus.
	It's more like the soul merry-go-round.
	And if you get it right, the way that somebody on the outside knows is that you're breathing and all your mannerisms are exactly like stage four sleep.
	So there's a really deep breathing, and it's almost like that person is really calmed out, and you can sometimes see some eye movement.
	So basically, this frog is producing chemicals that attract predators.
	Really?
	Not very smart on nature's part.
	Well, hey, you know, there's something to that, except for you don't have to harm the toad at all to have this thing going with it.
	It's more like a dairy, like a farm.
	You milk them?
	Yeah, you milk them, you kind of become like a cowboy toad farmer kind of deal if you're really seriously into this.
	I'm glad you said that.
	I'm glad you said that because if I ever did this, I'd probably, my natural line of thought would be, okay, I'm sorry, Toad, but I got to smash you with this dictionary before I can do it.
	I didn't know that.
	Okay.
	Well, it's a very friendly act if you do it right, she said.
	And I just, myself, I myself grew up with him under my feet, and I had this journey to find DNT for like 10 years before it was popular.
	And you had to really look hard, by the way.
	And then I found the 5-methoxy DNT, which is the difference between dimethyltryptamine and then 5-my-methoxy-dimethyltryptamine.
	There's this little, you know, whatever, nithox-lated, whatever on tweet.
	So I suddenly found out that the same thing I was looking for was, it was my favorite creature since I was about four years old, and I had raised it in this little pond that my dad made, raised the tadpoles, just bred them.
	My first art contest I went, I'll shut up after this, but it was based on the life cycle of that toad, and it was a mural that I drew from memory.
	And I just had this knack with that thing.
	So when I found out that this substance I supposedly was like needing to find, it was all the fuck around me all my life.
	So when I told my mom that, she goes, well, Nihon, no wonder you came out the way you ended up.
	Now I'm like, what do you mean, Mashba?
	Well, you know, you swaggered at those things in that pocket since you were fucking.
	And now you're on Belgab.
	Wow, how things just progressed.
	Hey, what?
	AB, one of the things that I caught on one of your posts was that you have a radio show?
	Were you busting balls, or is that true?
	Oh, that was probably, you know, one of my other personalities speaking who does have a radio show.
	But what I did, but what I did do remember is that I always have this running joke with my people here about how they're saying, dude, you ought to be a philosopher.
	I'm saying, what the fuck you say?
	I am.
	You mean you've got to get paid to be a philosopher?
	So the other joke is, dude, you need to be a radio show host.
	And I'm like, I fucking like them.
	Okay.
	You listen or you kick it out.
	It's up to you.
	So the joke is that they tell me it'll be an all-night radio show called Speaking of Tweaking, where I only take calls from tweakers, you know, schizos and insomniacs.
	Okay.
	Yeah, that's just no big deal.
	I thought I was hoping to find a way to listen to it.
	I don't know how the caller necessarily demonstrates appropriate drug use prior to getting on the air, though.
	That's a bit of a quandary.
	I think the screener might have a problem with.
	Surely something could be figured out.
	But until then, maybe male blood samples do the show like two weeks in advance of calling.
	Well, see, that's the thing.
	If you want to hear more bullshit, see, the other joke is that I can tell because it's kind of my job.
	My deal is through my hair.
	I can tell who's on what.
	Okay, so as you listen to me, as you listen to me, I don't know if you've ever listened to any of the podcasts I've done with Curtis or the Trainwreck show, but what are your impressions of me drug-wise?
	Am I a drug user?
	No, I'm talking to Fort Rock here, right?
	Let me just be clear about this voice.
	No, this is who would be a good person to insert.
	I don't know.
	This is not Michael Van Deven.
	Fort Rock.
	My brain just split in two.
	So what was the question again?
	I forgot about that.
	My question is.
	My question is, you say you can just tell, you know, it's your job to know, as you say.
	So as you listen to me doing this show, or if you've heard any of the other podcasts, what would you say is my level of drug involvement?
	I can only go by what I'm hearing right now, okay?
	Okay.
	Let's hear it.
	Because this is not a past thing.
	This is a present.
	You've got to understand.
	Well, yeah, the pressure.
	Wait, listen, I got it.
	You're way too fucking straight.
	That's the only thing my hair is sticking up right now.
	Well, we'll leave it at that, folks.
	All right.
	We won't elaborate upon that.
	Cause problems for me, okay, Aldous.
	By the way, I love you fucking people.
	You're a bunch of crazy fucks, man.
	What's your problem?
	Hey, by the way, don't you guys have jobs and shit?
	Because I'm missing work right now, okay?
	I don't know about you.
	I'm at my job still in order to do this.
	I have a studio.
	I have a studio set up in an extra room that I've got in my office here.
	And this is where I have to be in order to do the show, which really sucks because you spend all day working.
	And then when it's time to go home, you don't go home.
	You get ready for the podcast.
	And I would much rather be able to go home and do this.
	Well, I know there's, you know, being in the medical industry, you know, some of us actually fucking show up.
	That's got to be tough.
	That's all I'm saying.
	I got a whole bunch of shit work to do tonight.
	I don't know if I'm going to get any sleep at all.
	Hey, well, you know, what's happening for me is the Mrs. is all pissed off because, you know, the ladies are waiting for me.
	And, you know, Mrs. isn't getting her cut right now.
	So what ladies?
	What ladies await you?
	The customers, you know, come on, dude.
	Shut the hell up.
	Are you selling hashish?
	Well, no.
	Think of it as personal therapy technician.
	Let me tell you something.
	Let me tell you something.
	I would never normally admit to this sort of thing on a podcast, but while I was in Morocco, I had a lot of hashish.
	And let me tell you something.
	Moroccan hashish, it really sucks.
	The hair told me that because if you recall, I believe I posted a thing about, dude, how's the hashish over there?
	And I never got a response, so that means good, right?
	That just means I can't keep up with the forum.
	That's what it means.
	It doesn't mean I like you or don't like you or anything.
	I'm sure people read so much into my inability to reply.
	You would be shocked if you listen to him coughing all that resin up from 1973.
	Good God.
	Say it all.
	My inability to reply to people is just something that I can't possibly put into terms that anyone could understand.
	If you could see the number of personal messages I received that I just see it and then I say to myself, okay, I will get back to this when I get time and then it never enters my mind again.
	And I'm sure the people who send stuff, they're like, oh, that asshole.
	I'm quitting this forum.
	Well, you know what?
	My theory goes like this.
	The funniest shit on there is the stuff that nobody ever responds to or quotes, if you ask me.
	Sometimes that could be the case.
	I think it goes both ways.
	Well, most of you guys probably do.
	And with that, the show's over.
	It depends on what's available.
	I'll do fine in state prison.
	Actually, just so everybody knows, I'm extremely monogamous.
	I just want to say that because it's a good podcast today.
	Hi, grandkids.
	Lovely.
	Nina.
	Let's do a podcast where your family's not listening and see how that goes.
	I have a feeling that you've apprised everyone that.
	I think you've told everyone you're going to be on the show tonight.
	And you're limiting your output, shall we say.
	Anyway.
	Well, I am calling from 85.
	Love you guys, though.
	I mean it.
	Well, we love you too.
	And not literally, but in a sort of anonymous internet stranger sort of way.
	I'll put it to you that way.
	Don't worry, man.
	And as I, of course, have said, you are definitely one of my favorite posters on the forum.
	Always have been.
	And always will be.
	Thank you.
	Anyway, you guys got anything else you want to cover before we get out of here?
	We're about a quarter of an hour away from the start of Art Bell's Dark Matter.
	Like to give people plenty of time to go get popcorn or whatever else it is.
	Who is that?
	Weed.
	Is that B-W?
	Nope, I do not have popcorn or snacks or anything.
	Are you on a, like, what kind of microphone are you using?
	Because you sound like you're about three feet away from it.
	I am.
	Your mic sucks.
	Your mic sucks.
	You have to agree that if we do at least five of these shows and it looks like we're going to do it regularly and everything's going to work out, you have to agree that you'll go get a microphone comprised of something other than a cup and a string.
	Well, let me do this.
	I have like four different patterns in the back I can choose from.
	So that's one pattern.
	Is that any different?
	No.
	Is that any better?
	No.
	No.
	Try the half circle pattern.
	How did you know he has a half circle pattern?
	Well, it's different.
	There's like four or five different microphone patterns, the signal pattern and a cardioid or supercardioid.
	It'd probably be which is like a half circle.
	So I've tried them all, apparently, and there's no difference.
	Your patterns suck.
	Okay, show's over.
	I can tell the show's over.
	I've had enough of this.
	Okay, you guys, it's been a pleasure, and I thank you all for stopping in tonight to do the show.
	Absolutely.
	It's kind of hard to be in just one little place where you're supposed to be once per week or once every other week.
	And so, yeah.
	Anyway, thank you for talking to all of you.
	Yes, you too.
	And thank you to everybody who called, everybody who listened, everybody in the chat room.
	I hope you enjoyed the show tonight I always hold on I had a I had a frog in my throat.
	I had to turn the mic down there.
	So, Michael, the show is happening semi-anally.
	Is that right?
	Semi-weekly?
	Yes.
	Bi-weekly, every two weeks.
	That's right.
	I learned what that means finally.
	Wow.
	Okay.
	I'm a competent radio host.
	There you go.
	Anyway, thanks for listening.
	Thanks to everybody in the chat room.
	And if you want to download the show, that's going to be really easy to do.
	Just go to ufoship.com and it'll be there for you.
	Have a good night, everybody.
	See you.
	Enjoy our belt tonight.

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