Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect their Riyadh Comedy Fest success, attributing it to Trump's influence while defending performances in restrictive regions against critics like Jessica Kearson. They condemn comedians who abandoned Joe Rogan as hypocritical "weasels," contrast Austin and Brooklyn scenes, and recount action movie stunts with Noah and Vidyut Jamwal. The episode escalates into offensive generalizations about Turks and Hassan Piker's dog, debates a hypothetical US Civil War, and critiques Drake's lawsuit against Kendrick Lamar before concluding with a dismissal of liberal comedy perspectives. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Negotiating With Hamas00:15:08
What's up, everybody, and welcome to Flagrant.
We're back.
We did it.
Did a little comedy festival, Salt Peace in the Middle East.
I don't think it's a coincidence.
Comedians had to go out there.
We had to get it done.
Give all the credit to Trump or Witkoff or Kushner, whatever the you want.
We went out there, we negotiated with Hamas, got the deal done.
Simple as that.
Light work, man.
Light work.
And did a little stand-up while we're there.
I gotta do some chuckles if we're gonna negotiate, you know.
We gotta do a couple chuckles, you know?
Shout out to Flagrant, bro.
We got the best fans in the world.
Our fans didn't give a flying if we had to find all these other podcasts, all these comedians crumbling, trembling.
I love seeing these pussy motherfuckers going on there in the little shows essentially.
But America is bad too.
Shut up, Dork.
All these comedians terrified of their own audience.
You can go perform for your fans wherever they are in the world.
I will go perform for my fans wherever they are on the whole planet.
People don't decide where they're born, you idiots.
Even the Middle Eastern ones, though?
Maybe not them.
They're beneath me.
But like, maybe just the white countries.
Because that's what they're all saying, right?
They're like, how dare you perform in non-white countries that don't have the exact same rules?
Because what they're saying is you're taking money from the government.
Good.
My fans get a discount.
There you go.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
You're welcome.
So you'd rather I charge the oppressed people full price?
The people you think are oppressed pay full price?
It's just, it's just ridiculous.
It's honestly, you either have fans that have supported you, they also share your clips.
They also watch your YouTube specials.
They watch your Netflix specials.
They do everything to give you the life of your dreams.
Yeah.
Like, that's why I'm super grateful.
So wherever the fuck they are in the world, I will go perform for them.
I went to fucking Moscow.
I went to Singapore.
You can't shoot bubble cum in Singapore without them being Asian about it.
So Thailand, if you talk about the emperor, you get thrown in jail.
You don't want to do that.
You got to do that shit.
Yeah.
That's the fun part.
That's the fun part.
So yeah, this whole backlash, it's like you don't need to explain it by like the bad things America has done.
Like I see all these people doing this mental gymnastics because they're like trying to justify.
You don't have to justify shit.
Do you have fans there?
Go perform for them.
No fans around the world are beneath you performing for them for things out of their control.
America is unique.
We are the best.
We have specific rules that are different than everywhere else.
There's no free speech in Canada.
There's no free speech in fucking England.
They're locking up comedians over there.
There are different levels to this for sure.
Obviously, I'm not, you know, ignorant to that.
But like the reality is, is like there are people there that did not decide to be born there.
You don't get to decide where you're fucking born.
You also don't get to decide the rules of your government when there is a monarchy or a dictatorship.
So you don't punish those people for things completely out of their control when they've helped you live your fucking dreams.
It's like absurd.
I see people, but what did America do to the Native Americans?
Whatever it did.
It's Columbus Day.
My boy, my boy, my boy, come on.
I perform at the Chumash Casino.
I'm performing all there because I'm going there doing jokes for them.
You know, I'm not going to go to the hospital when you cough though.
Yeah, we got to do a mouth.
Did you do a land acknowledgement?
Come on, of course.
Did you do it?
Hey, you better be careful with them blankets they gave you.
You don't want no payback.
I don't sleep there.
You're going to sleep at the Hilton or something.
Bring your own blanket.
Yo.
Yeah, the land acknowledgement shit, I think, is disrespectful.
I did a joke about this, but it feels like we just rubbing it in.
Like when you go perform in these native places, especially in Canada, they're like, we'd like you to go out there and just acknowledge that this land used to be owned by the natives.
And I was like, what do you want me to do?
They're like, yeah, you just go out there and say it used to be owned by the natives.
And I'm like, my boy, it seems like we're bragging if I do this shit.
You know, it used to be ours, but now.
Yeah, that's just crazy.
Yeah, it is wild.
Anyway, so what have you guys seen with the best?
Oh, buddy.
I saw so many liberal white comics talking shit on us.
First of all, we've never been the truth to power guys.
When Indian comics are getting thrown in jail, did y'all say a fucking word?
Because I did.
Of course not.
I flew over there.
I went to a fucking armed compound with a guy whose life was in danger.
I did the interview.
Did y'all do shit?
Did y'all say anything?
A fucking war breaks out.
I'm still there.
And I'm not saying I'm a good person.
But I'm saying, let's be honest, though.
But I'm saying if I did that, I did.
You went to fucking Jersey.
You grabbed a pun job out of a taxi.
Let me ask you some questions about comedy.
But Jumping in Jersey, more dangerous than whatever they got.
You're right.
No disrespect to y'all.
But I'm saying, if I ain't shit and I know I ain't shit, y'all ain't shit.
Well, that's the reason why we don't have any pushback, barely any pushback, is because we've never been the virtue signaling type.
We've never been the ones out here.
Like, there are people that are getting pushback.
And like, based on some shit that they had said in the past, I kind of get it.
Like, I'll be honest, I can't get it.
Yeah, You know, like, Berg's getting all his pushback.
And it's like the first time I've seen his career, him not like aware of why it's happening.
Yeah.
Like, I saw him on Colin.
And again, it's a clip, so I don't want to take clips out of contests, but he's like, all these people are like sanctimonious cunts.
Like, bro, you did say that Beyonce sold out for blood money for going to like an oil state.
Yeah.
And then you went to an oil state.
So like, now the criticism for that comes from other things.
They're just using this as a tool of leverage against him because they're upset at him for other things.
But they're not wrong that it's hypocritical to call Beyonce one thing and then you go do the same thing.
Also, at the end of that clip, though, he goes, but if I got the offer, maybe I'd do the same thing.
Exactly.
So that's what they cut it out.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I'm almost positive.
That's the clip I heard at the very end.
He's like, yeah, but who knows if they gave me that?
We'll see.
What?
What the fuck?
That's the thing.
It's like, leave him alone.
Here's the thing that he has to kind of acknowledge that even beyond that is just all the shit talk about billionaires and how they shouldn't exist.
Well, that's the virtue signal thing.
Yeah.
But Bill is so fucking rich.
Who else is he going to rally against?
It's like, once you become worth 50 million, the only people you could call assholes are billionaires.
You know what I mean?
He's like riched himself out of people to complain about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's always your wife.
I've learned it.
I've learned that.
See well.
Because no matter how rich you get, she's still a little richer than you.
She got no money.
I'm just saying.
So you can't talk shit about a black woman, though.
So you got to talk shit about fucking home.
Every time he's talking about Bezos, you know what he's really talking about.
I mean, you say you perform for your fans.
Would you go to North Korea?
Hell yeah.
If I had fans there, I'd go there.
You do now?
Bro, I thought about going before.
Before what?
Like, before this festival.
I thought about it because I would watch those Vice documentaries where they went.
And this is before I had like a family and shit.
And I was like, wow, it would be really cool to see.
Like, what is it over there?
Is it all completely propagandized?
Like, who is telling me the truth?
So if you think you can get back safely, you would go anywhere.
Anywhere.
And I knew that we were.
You did Russia, to be fair to you.
Yeah, exactly.
And did jokes about Putin.
But it's like...
And we did 9-11 jokes in Saudi.
That's the thing.
It's like, I'm going to put out my set from Saudi, like at least part of my set from Saudi.
And then just to show you that, like, any rule on the list.
Yeah, it's a little wild.
It's fun.
It's fun.
It's like, nobody cares.
That's the thing.
It's like this, like, oh, they give you rules of what you can or can't say.
Like, I've never once looked at those ever.
Like, Dub tells me, he goes, oh, I didn't look at it.
When we went to the UAE for the first time, we went to Abu Dhabi.
They probably had some shit.
And I was like, I'm not even going to look at it.
I'm just going to do whatever the fuck I want.
But we've been to the Middle East and we've done the shows there.
So we knew that it was going to be completely fine.
There are comedians that, one, had never performed in the Middle East.
So they probably had their preconceived notions about these audiences.
They don't realize that they're all educated in the fucking states.
They go to Tennessee State and University, not just Harvard.
Like they go to like real rural America.
Yeah.
They know all of our content.
They don't have like these huge entertainment complexes out there.
They're not making a lot of their own shows.
So I went to UT the same time as my cousin.
Exactly.
It was crazy.
Exactly.
I mean, didn't bin Laden, you know, spent some time in London, I think.
Yeah, he's hanging right.
He worked for the CIA or some shit.
We still got a lot of family in Mayfair.
So like, it was, I just knew it wasn't going to be any different than when we did the shows in Abu Dhabi or Dubai.
I was, I knew this.
Dude, people came up to me like, you know, you can't talk about X, Y, and Z.
And I was like, I haven't even looked at this list.
You can say we can't, but we're going to.
And then you just deal with the repercussions that, which are nothing.
It's nothing ever.
Yeah, but our jokes are.
No, no.
What it is, it's people covering their asses there.
It's just like, it's like when you're like dealing with like a marketing campaign.
You know, like, let's say we have an advertisement for like a product on the show.
The marketing people come and be like, hey, could you not use curse words?
Do whatever.
And then we go, just fucking let us do it the way we do it.
And then the ad will go viral.
And then the people from the company tell the marketing people, they go, oh my God, that was amazing.
Keep letting them do their own thing.
But everybody's just trying to cover their own ass.
Simple as that.
So it was just, but seeing people, seeing these comedians fucking tremble.
It's like, there is nothing worse than being an independent content creator.
You go about it.
You invest all your time into your own thing so you can say your own shit and then being imprisoned by your own audience.
Yeah.
Like I see these people imprisoned by their own audience, terrified, you know, like that they're being canceled by the people that they create content for.
Just go work for CDS.
Go work at Heidi Central.
Like if you're going to censor yourself because out of fear from your own audience, like one, does your audience even know you?
Or did you glom on to an identity that they already had?
And they're just there because you guys both agree.
Like we've been building this shit for fucking a decade almost.
Like these people know who we are.
That's why there's no backlash from us.
Yeah.
Because they actually know who we are.
And we have what I think is not virtuous, but like kind of thoughtful, fun takes.
Everybody gets these fucking jokes.
And everybody doesn't just mean white countries that America gets along with.
Yeah.
Well, I think to that point, a lot of our audience is like either immigrants or kids of immigrants.
And I think they're kind of like at least traveled in the sense that they know kind of how the rest of the world works.
Yeah.
So when they hear about like, oh, a thing going on in a different country, they're like, oh yeah, I kind of understand the kind of like the local politics of how that's the thing when these fucking comics are like trying to be self-aware when they're shitting on us.
They're like, just for the record, we didn't get an invite to the Raya.
We know you didn't.
You can't perform outside of Brooklyn.
Exactly.
You do musical theater crowd work.
Yeah, exactly.
You know what I mean?
Your comedy isn't good.
Why would they want to?
Look at that audience of yours.
I bet I can count the minorities on one hand.
What a sacrifice to not go to the festival you weren't invited.
Yeah, they don't know you exist.
It's not because you're a problem.
It's not because you speak truth to power.
It's because you speak truth to upper middle class white people and 10 minorities who want to fuck upper middle class white people.
Just pat yourselves on the back.
Yeah.
That's it.
Go to a Mark Maron show.
Count the minorities.
Exactly.
I doubt you get to the secondhand.
Yeah, where are those minorities you care so much about?
The feedback I've gotten is very funny, though, because I was reading on Twitter and it was like, man, why are these guys going, man?
Don't they have enough money?
And then someone commented, they're like, yeah, Akash and Mark went too.
And then the reply was, well, for Mark, it's probably life-changing.
What the fuck?
Like, for him, I get it.
You know what I'm saying?
Let me also, what do you mean?
Let me also dispel this shit about the money because this is like, people assume it's this, this crazy, it's like Ronaldo bags.
Yeah.
We're clowns at the end of the day.
We're not getting no fucking Ronaldo money.
The reality is the money, and I can't speak for like the medium tier, maybe the lower tier comedians on the festival.
I don't know what they're making every weekend and I don't know what they got at the festival.
But like the top tier got the same amount outside of Chappelle, you know, but the top tier got the same amount.
And like if you're doing arenas in America, it takes you four days to do one show in Saudi.
You have to fly for a whole day.
You fly back for a whole day.
Maybe you want to like get acclimated and know the culture.
So bare minimum, it's three days, but probably four.
If you do four shows in America, you'll make the same amount of money if you're at the top tier.
So you're not doing it for the money.
Oh, what happened to four?
I thought you had to do 40 shows in America.
Oh, no.
I thought it was 40 shows.
Well, that's a different tier.
That's a different tier comedian.
There's a lot of funny bones on that line.
Not if there's anything wrong with them.
I'll be there soon.
I'll be at the festival.
That was dumb as shit, dude.
That was the dumbest shit.
Like people, like when Nimesh agreed and then tried to like walk it back, like, man, I really thought about it.
It had nothing to do with the internet backlash.
Shut the fuck up.
You were worried about getting censored by your own audience.
And what is the point?
It's like you talk about the censorship of the people over there.
Getting censored at home.
You can't have an opinion that's yours.
You can't perform for your fans.
There are people there who want to see you that like your material, but your own fans are censoring you.
So you're like, I can't perform over there because of the censorship.
The censorship, 1000%, my set in Saudi was harder than any set I've been doing in America.
Yeah.
This tour.
Not even a question.
I went harder there.
That's true.
And then they ripped you repeatedly after put your hands in the sand.
Put your hands in the sand.
The Galaf Jamin.
All right.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
I was going to make an India joke, but I was like, maybe this ain't the time.
Yo, we're coming to India.
We're coming to every single country, man, that has fans that support us.
Simple as that.
And all these comedians right now, they're like drawing lines in the sand.
Just keep in mind, like, you put it in the sit with your fingers.
Lines in the sand.
Yeah.
But like, no, just keep in mind, like, you, you said it now.
And eventually you're going to do some movie that's backed by Qatar or backed by Saudi or whatever it is.
And then it's going to come out.
And we're going to see if you pull out of your movie.
You know, when David Cross does fucking Chipmunks 3.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
The guy who started this whole thing got a TV show on Apple Plus.
The fucking Sweatshop Kings, the Cobalt Mines, the worst slavery conditions in human history, including U.S.
And you're going to do it.
We're just going to the good slave parts.
What are you talking about?
They got air conditioning.
I only go to the good slave part.
Shifty walked out.
He's like, I had enough initiatives.
I didn't see the Indian slaves everybody kept talking about.
They probably had him hidden.
Bro, that's how little Indian comic talking about Indian slavery been to India.
That's India.
They're not slaves, but they're not slaves.
None of these people travel.
None of these people actually know the world.
They know, they think they're educated because they go to like other Western countries if they travel at all.
It's like you're not really getting a different culture.
We live in a kind of like Western monoculture where like, yeah, you go to France and it's fun and it's nice and the food is amazing.
And don't get me wrong, it's great.
The buildings are cool, all that kind of stuff.
But like, it's not that dissimilar from America.
If you actually want to travel and experience different things, you're going to experience some shit that you might not agree with.
Yeah.
That's the reality of the matter.
And the world is complex and you're going to deal with those fucking complexities.
But those fans of yours that did not decide to be born there, that do not have a say in the laws of their country, they're still your fans.
They still really like you and they still allow you to live your fucking dream.
Like you get to be a comedian for a fucking living.
And then you just putting your foot down, not because of what's going on over there, but because you're aware your own fans will cancel you.
That's the softest, most fucking pussy coward shit I've ever seen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we got, like you said, you said this, we got the greatest fans in the world.
They've been with us through so much shit.
Yeah, they're also exhausted from cancellation.
Yeah.
Come on.
This is what you're throwing at them.
Yeah, no, no, we had some fun.
It's so funny how different our timelines are because not a single person gave a fuck about the first time.
The only shit I heard was like, yo, how's the food and how to bitches?
But the ones you can see, Facebook was crazy.
That is, that is, though, I will say that is something that they're going to have to deal with.
Catfish And Cowardice00:03:23
Like, when you come off the plane and the first girl you see is Mark Call or a mailbox, like allegedly.
Allegedly.
That shit was five.
Mark put his passport on.
You thought he was trying to book in.
That's just confusing.
That's not my favorite.
No, but that shit.
That shit, bro.
Yeah.
That shit, I'll be honest.
For Westerners, I can only speak for myself, but I'll speak for everyone.
That shit's a lot, bro.
It was jarring.
The hijabis, the ones where they're just faces covered here, that's kind of like cute.
I think it's kind of cute.
Yeah.
I think it's kind of fire.
It's like, kind of like, yeah, there's something really nice about it.
But the niqab, that shit.
That got to go.
You got to bring some Jack Daniels.
And then you guys are ready.
We're trying to be very delicate.
We were talking to one of the guys out there.
We're like, yeah, so like, what's up with like the women like in the niqab?
Like in the and he goes, oh, the ninjas.
Yeah, they'd be making fun of them too.
Like, hold on, you can't call that.
Yeah.
He's like, yeah, so we're going to go.
And I was like, you ever been on dates with him?
He's like, no, I'd hate the job.
He's going to date the ninjas.
No, but Mark, Mark was talking to a comic that was a ninja, and she had a really interesting perspective.
Can you share what she was saying?
She was like, I was, I was, she was like, I didn't wear growing up.
I didn't, like, I thought I was going to be one of the girls that would just like keep my hair out, lived in Jeddah, very progressive.
And then I went to college, wore it in college, and then I was treated so well that I just decided to wear it all the time.
She was like, I go to the grocery store, people let me skip in line.
Like, they accommodate me, people help me with stuff.
She's like, I get treated like a princess.
It's nice to get treated inferior.
Poor girl, she's exhausted.
You gotta let her in the front of the line.
Sexism.
She's like, she's exalted, dude.
She's like, they call her Shakea.
Literally, like, princess.
Like, Shake.
It's like, she's like, yeah, I get treated so well.
See how nice men will treat women when we can assume you're hot.
Like, if we see you're ugly, then of course you're not getting good treatment.
But if you got the niqab on, we're like, oh, she's hiding something.
You know, when a girl got like a sweatshirt on, you could see some like titty underneath, but you don't know.
That's the niqab for your face.
But they got a decent.
I was starting to be able to tell which one's better.
Wait, we cracked the code a little bit.
You can just tell.
That shit is crazy.
You could tell just by that.
You could tell.
So I was staring when Shorty was eating.
I saw Shorty eating pasta with that shit.
She was a foot going underneath.
I felt bad, but like, how am I not going to watch a ghost eat?
Bro, I try to be slick at the airport when this girl was open to us, full niqab.
And I saw she had her photo ID on her, like on a lanyard.
Oh, that's good.
And I was like, oh, let me take a little peek.
So I looked down, just a heart over her face on the lanyard.
I was like, damn it.
We were looking at it.
We were looking at this guy's dating app.
He got hinge out there, whatever, like that.
Definitely not ours.
A guy.
And I was like, bro, I got to see because it's just like, how do you see the girls or whatever?
And like, I would say 50% are covered in some way.
Like, they put the phone in front of their face for the picture, et cetera.
So dating out there is very brave, you could say.
Yeah.
Like, you know, it's like catfish.
Choose your own adventure, guys.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's a mystery box.
And you can't get drunk enough to fuck the ugly ones.
Oh, damn.
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
That's an honest read.
Dating In The Middle East00:10:12
They fucking Uggs so.
No, they don't fuck them.
You know what I mean?
They do.
Now there's like a sexual revolution going on over there.
Really?
Yeah.
This guy was telling me, like, now that shit is opening up, what they'll do is they'll like meet chicks, they'll Airbnb, and then they go smash.
Because what they would all do is they would go to London.
Because like, they, you basically, like, everybody leaves and nobody's looking, and then they just fuck each other in London.
Then they come back and then pretend that they weren't.
But they're only doing like anal and blowjobs and shit, right?
I mean, that's Catholics, dude.
Yeah.
Nah, but I thought they the husband wants to make sure that the hymen's still in shit.
Nobody tests it.
They don't say ketchup, bro.
They don't do that shit anymore.
Yeah, dude.
Come on.
What are you talking about?
Whatever.
I even know what a hymen is.
I broke a few.
Have you broken hymen?
Really?
What's the feeling?
Man, I bet my wife's still pristine.
I bet that shit is flawless.
Meat condition.
Fucking Michael Jordan rookie card.
No crease.
Dead stock.
Dead stock.
You need to get that shit out of there.
You need to put the extendo, bro.
You need to put this in.
Oh, that's funny.
You've broken a few hymen.
I'm not even strained ones.
Guys, show dates.
Can you believe we finally got a fucking teleprompter right now?
Guys, I got a huge announcement.
I'm so excited.
Chicago Theater.
Don't buy tickets.
One of my favorite cities in the country.
One of my favorite venues.
I truly, this is a dream come true.
You walk by that theater anytime you go to Chicago.
I'm there.
April 24th.
Get your tickets.
Pre-sale is live now.
Code is Akash.
Stroke that shit, boy.
Stroke that shit.
Don't like it.
AkashSing.com.
Other dates.
San Jose, we added a show.
East Providence this week, we're going to sell that shit out.
San Francisco, we're going to end up having a show.
Irvine, we're going to end up adding shows.
Go to Akasing.com.
Buy those Chicago theater tickets, man.
I'm so fucking excited.
Thank y'all so much for making the dream come true.
I love y'all.
God bless.
What's up, people?
Mark Yagnon here, sitting with my two bodyguards, my two Samoan bodyguards, some of the toughest motherfuckers in the game, all right?
And they're coming with me on the road, all right?
Not Akash, just Sudip.
We're going to Maryloo, New York City.
We're doing our monthly show on October 21st.
It's got all the best comics in the city coming out.
Me, Joey Avery, my friend David, unfortunately.
We're also going to New Orleans, Mobile, Alabama, Nashville, Tennessee, Denver, Hoboken, Philadelphia.
Doesn't feel that nice to you.
Fort Wayne, Detroit.
I'll see you guys at the show.
Don't heckle or Sudip's going to fucking smash you.
All right.
See you guys there.
Peace.
What else are people saying, bro?
What else?
Oh, yo, Dave, let's dispel some rumors.
First of all, they think women can't drive.
Women can drive.
One of them crashing our car.
This is so funny.
Yo, this is some real shit, though.
This is real shit.
Like, so now the women are driving.
They give all the women Chinese cars because they're the cheapest car, and they assume that they're going to get into an accident.
So you see Chinese cars on the road, that's women driving.
That's how it is here, also.
You see a Chinese person.
Never mind.
Mark, what are you doing right now?
Mark, what you need to do is put your foot down on that show.
Mark, what you need to do is you need to put your foot down on that jacket.
I fenced that.
You need to be more outwardly racist to make that work.
I thought they were going to give all the women Teslas because it drives us so.
Babby Lit.
Abby Lit.
Smart.
Anyway.
Damn, Mark rubbed off on me.
On what?
You got to put your foot down.
You should have put your foot down.
Mark's bomb rubbed off on him.
Don't put noise in that.
You should have put your foot down on it.
Like an Asian traffic.
Trying to put that shit off Mark again.
Come on, guys.
We can't blame bombing residue.
And if it was, it's probably from Saudi.
Damn.
It was a long setup.
All right.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
Good moment.
Save us now.
How about the Jews?
How about you?
There's a couple of the princes that came to the show afterwards, bro.
And we were taking a pick and we were like had some of the producers of the festival, I guess, in the pick.
And they got out of the pick for the princes.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, and I didn't, I just assumed it was like they didn't want to take a picture with Jews or something like that.
In reality, they just wanted to take a picture with us that performed.
But my first one was like, oh, yeah, they can't be in a picture with them.
That's such bad for diplomatic relations.
It turned out one of them wasn't even Jewish.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
Anyway.
So, yeah.
So what other, any other backlash?
Before we put this shit to bed?
Everybody fake caring about it?
I will say this, though.
Like, I feel bad for Jessica Kearson.
Yeah.
I feel bad for Jessica because Jessica went there.
Jessica's a gay woman.
Yeah.
Jewish.
Jewish.
Month.
She's a sort of a comedian.
Performed hilarious, so fucking funny.
Performed, apparently crushed.
Yeah.
Outstanding ovation, like what, and like edgy and like did her fucking thing.
And then there was a lot of backlash and a lot.
We don't know what is a lot.
Like the internet, it all feels hot when you're seeing it.
And so what she did is she like donated the money that she made to a charity or something like that, which like that sucks that she had to do that.
You know what I mean?
Like she did something that you could actually look at as like super progressive and is moving things forward in a place that maybe isn't where we want it.
1,000% does that.
Exactly.
Now, and then she's the one that actually gets punished for it.
Yeah.
Which sucks.
Now, what I will say, though, is it again?
How'd she get punished?
She got to give up the money.
She don't have to.
Well, she did give up the money.
She got karma.
She gave karma for it.
Good thing.
Two good things came about it.
Keep that shit, man.
Keep that fucking.
Who does she donate to?
That's important.
Because it's got to be a charity that's worthwhile.
Human rights campaign.
And then apparently the human rights charity refused the money because it came from Saudi or something like that.
It's like, yo, you want to fix it or not?
You know what I mean?
Like, what are we doing here?
Like, some money's dirty.
Get out of here.
So, but I think what's happened with a lot of these comedians is like, there are a lot of comedians that, especially in like Jessica's world, we're like, Jessica was doing comedy for probably like 20 years.
And she's always the funniest comic you hadn't heard of.
Always the funniest comic you ever heard of.
She's like so hilarious.
Everybody thinks she's fucking hilarious.
And then recently, like posting clips and like posting stuff on YouTube, has she's been able to amass an audience.
So for the first time in her career, she gets like perform and do theaters and make money.
And she's still at that level where she's like their unsung hero.
So it's like the most euphoric time in comedy where like you're the next thing and everybody is riding for you and you are everybody's best kept secret and it's just incredible.
And there's no backlash because you haven't like transcended into the pop culture conversation.
And when you do transcend into the pop culture conversation, you know, you're part of every fucking headline and people can use you for clicks and views and throw you every fucking thumbnail like they do with us.
And like it, there's benefits of it because you can make tons of money.
You can go perform in arenas.
You can do everything you ever dreamed of, but there are costs to it.
And that just is what it is.
Once you enter that level, you're aware of the social media economy.
You're aware that like there's backlash for something for two weeks, then people are fake angry about another thing and then they're fake angry about another thing and they just move on.
But if you've never experienced that at all, which I think a lot of the comics on this never experience like the internet coming from them for them, I think that knee-jerk reaction was, oh my God, I got to fix this or else my whole career, everything I worked for for the past 20 years is going to go away.
And had they been through some backlashes in their life, they probably would have been like, ah, this shit is going to blow over.
Nobody's going to give a fucking two weeks, which they won't.
Yeah.
I mean, it's already kind of blown over, right?
That's the thing.
It's like.
That's the best Chris Raw quote.
He's like, if you're ever in like public scrutiny, put your head down for two weeks.
Yeah.
And if there's still something going on, then address it.
Then address it.
Yeah.
I think that's a good rule of thumb.
If people are mad at you, just give it two weeks.
Just give it two weeks, man.
It feels like a long two weeks.
It's a long two weeks.
I will say, though, this is like, if there's any like the backlash to this isn't about the country of Saudi Arabia.
Yeah, it's attached to it.
But I think that like the personal accountability we can have is like when we had politicians on the pod, we thrust ourselves into the political discourse.
And the political discourse is a zero-sum game.
Yeah, this is nasty.
It's nasty.
It is about power.
And when power is involved, it's either good or evil.
And any possibility you have, any situation where you can mudsling against your perceived opposition, you take advantage of it.
So us thrusting ourselves into the political conversation and a lot of these comics being like tangentially related to comedy and podcasting, comedy and podcasting kind of like became one thing.
They saw an opportunity to point out hypocrisy in this moment right here.
And that's something we could take accountability for.
That's something we got to go, okay, if we have politicians on the pod, we have to know that there are people who their entire identity is politics.
And any moment they can to point a finger and to mudsling and to dehumanize, they will take advantage of that.
So I feel like that's on us for that.
But in terms of people actually caring about this, they don't.
They just care about whatever they already were feeling and were already frustrated but frustrated by and just using this.
And then, yeah, we were easy to blame for Trump's election or whatever upsetting you.
And even if we might have swung some people, like a lot of people like that, no, those guys.
He wouldn't have won if it wasn't for those guys.
Now, I will say, that being said, we've received almost no criticism.
Bad Friends is in shambles.
That comment section is crazy.
You know what I mean?
Like, all Bobby did is went there and showed his dick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Blaming Comedians For Trump00:15:08
Showed his dick.
And then aggressive.
He did an accent and then they came back.
It's not that crazy.
Yeah.
It's pretty good.
Let him alone.
Show your dick.
Santino, do the accent and then you come home.
It is what it is.
That's so funny, dude.
Yeah.
Well, look, we got the best fans.
We have the best fans on earth.
And we'll perform for you wherever.
Wherever the fuck you are.
The amount of people that just DM me afterwards, like, dude, thanks so much for giving us a chance.
Yeah.
Like, that was awesome.
Like, from Saudi, being like, like, I've waited my whole life to come see you guys.
Like, I want to come to New York.
I couldn't make it.
I got to actually see you in my own, my own city blew my mind.
Yeah, that was the best part.
Like, hearing from the people there and how thankful they are just to be able to see these performances, like, that's wicked.
And they weren't all fucking princes and government people like locals.
And talking to locals, they seem pretty happy in terms of like the way things have progressed in the past 10 years.
They're like 10 years ago, this shit was not good.
Not good.
Now things are great.
I thought it was fire.
I thought Riyadh was awesome.
I thought it was better than Dubai.
That was a great city.
I might take Waifi next month.
We're going to Dubai, but I might stop over Riyadh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was much more time.
Both places.
I don't really care for Dubai that much.
So yeah, Dubai is like, what I was, what I was saying was, shout out everybody who came out to the shows, the show in Dubai as well.
The people are cool, the locals, but it's not many locals.
Yeah, the locals, like in UA, I think the local population is like 10%.
Oh.
So it's a lot of expats, like by design.
And then Dubai is this very futuristic city that doesn't feel like it has this like real like historic authentic core.
It feels like you're in Miami or Las Vegas or Singapore.
You'd be anywhere.
You go to Abu Dhabi, you feel that.
I want to go there.
Abu Dhabi, you will feel much more like the authenticity and they're like designed the building specifically around it.
Like they want to give you that feel.
And I think Dubai is like, hey, we're going to be the city of the future and we're just going to lean into that.
But what you lose is the past, which is why we travel to places.
Like I don't travel to Rome to see the new buildings.
I don't travel to Paris to see the new business center.
The reason why we travel is to either avoid taxes in Dubai or to like see that old authentic shit that is so incredible.
Like when we went to Morocco, we like stayed in the fucking shook.
Yeah.
We could have stayed at some like fancy hotel outside of it.
No, I love Riyadh because you're in the fancy hotel, but they make it look like, oh, you really got both parts of the Venn diagram there.
Oh, it feels authentic, but not.
I go to India when I want authentic and that's good enough.
Now, give me some nice shit.
Put me to St. Regis and it feels like in the Middle East.
Yeah.
My friend who lives in Dubai is like, if you go to Dubai, you need to have a local to show you the actual stuff.
Yeah.
It's like you come to New York and you go to Times Square and you're like, yeah, New York kind of sucks.
It's like you need an actual person to like show you the outer boroughs and the cool restaurants.
Yeah.
We went to the old quarter or whatever it is.
The old Dubai.
So like where the creek where like the city started, it was like this pearl diving.
I don't want to call it pearl diving.
I was talking about the pearl diving.
Yeah.
He's so historic.
He's got pearls.
Oh, wow.
What a beautiful dude to you.
What a beautiful history.
He's Craig to do that.
I don't know why.
But, but, like, so we went there, we walked around, and then you got a sense of it, at least.
And, like, that was cool.
And that's what I was telling the guys that we were obs was a comedian out there.
He was great.
Obs Ali, the legend.
Yeah, Abs Ali was walking us around.
I was like, yeah, this is what I want to see more of.
Like, give us something of this.
I don't want to go to fucking the Hyatt.
Yeah.
You know, like, and eat at a restaurant that we have back home.
Yeah.
I want to go here and eat some local shit.
Yeah.
I mean, that flight to Riyadh is very authentic.
Oh, my God.
And you have no AC in the economy.
And no AC in the coming years.
I was like, what a nice flight.
No, it was so relaxing.
They walked out of there like it was a bombshell.
I couldn't understand all the text coming back in front of them.
Like, what's going on?
Mark, tell what the guy did next, the guy sitting next to you.
Oh, dude, I'm sitting here.
The guy's behind me.
Just cuts in front of me, my least favorite thing on a plane, takes his stuff out of the upper compartment, just a plastic bag, puts it on my lap while I'm sitting.
Just gets off the plane, puts it on my.
I was like, yo.
Oh, sorry.
I like that.
The bag was just his clothes.
That was his suitcase.
It was just a Winn-Dixie bag full of right there.
He was like, you born like me.
So they were saying there was no AC.
First glass is so cold.
I got a blanket.
I took a blanket.
Covered up, bro.
I was so cold.
Oh, yeah.
Bro.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't even know that there was a smell until we landed.
When we landed, bro.
Oh, hands went up.
Oh, to get the bags.
It's bad.
It ain't just us.
I mean, integrate it.
No, they weren't us, dude.
They weren't us.
No, no, no, no.
Them guys get there by bus.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Fire, dude.
Shouts.
Now this is a comedy festival.
It was awesome.
Yo, so yeah.
Shout out to Dubai, man.
Shout out, Riyadh.
We appreciate y'all.
And keep doing it, man.
I really think that.
What a cool fucking life.
I wish the framing of this also, I don't know, there is a funny framing of this.
We're like, Western people, we tend to think everything that happens in the world is for us or because of us.
Like we have a very almost narcissistic view of these things.
Like the immediate reaction when there's this festival is like, they're trying to whitewash their country with comedy.
And it's like, sure, I'm sure they're trying to welcome Western people to this country 100%.
But like, there is a little bit of it that's maybe like, we like comedy.
We enjoy comedy.
We enjoy WWE.
We enjoy boxing.
Like, what a nice thing to do for your people is to bring a thing they enjoy.
And there are people that are in the West and America that could not conceive that the government or whoever is involved might be wanting to put on a show for the people.
You know what I mean?
Like in New York, when we get an Afro Beats festival or something like that, people aren't going, they're trying to Africanize America.
Well, I think some people do that.
This is Zoron's American.
But I get to, but you understand what I'm trying for.
Like, the people there have no interests at all and that this is only a tool of marketing and not something that they might enjoy because they consume comedy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
And they loved it.
And it was fun.
Awesome.
Yeah, it was cool.
It was very cool.
Traveling, doing comedy with your boys.
Nothing better.
Nothing better.
Yeah, it was fire.
What a crazy thing.
I met you, what, whatever, 18 years ago, and then 18 years later, we're in the fucking Middle East doing a comedy show, getting standing ovations.
Like, what a cool thing.
Yeah.
While every other comic is getting roasted and we're just having the time of our lives.
Even Al did a joke.
Al did a joke.
Al did a joke.
Headline.
I'm going to post it on the YouTube.
Great openers.
Shout out to Openers.
You got to watch.
You got to watch Al do this shit at the end of the video.
This shit is killing me.
So after the show, we all bring, we bring Al up.
You got to do one joke, right?
Because originally when we were doing Flavor Live, we were going to do like a podcast portion at the end.
Yeah.
And we tried to do that shit in Dubai, and that shit was ass.
That shit was horrible.
Also, they changed the rules on us like last minute.
Yeah, last minute, they're like, you can't be on stage unless you have like permission and all this other stuff.
We're just signed release forms or whatever.
Yeah, it was just too difficult.
Because what we wanted to do is like bring people from the audience up and have them involved in some things that the guys were cooking up.
And it was going to be very cool.
So anyway, so when we go to Saudi, we're like, all right, well, we got to find something.
We'll just do stand-up and then we'll have Al come and do a joke.
So Al comes, does a joke, Joke fucking kills.
Murdered.
Al does the funniest thing right before we leave, right?
Well, to be fair, he didn't give you out a little bit.
To be fair, you'll see.
Al blanked the joke immediately the second it went out there.
But then he remembered.
And so Al goes, he does a joke.
We're like, thank you guys so much.
Appreciate you having us.
And you can hear Al.
I watched the video of it.
Al goes.
Al goes.
That's my time.
I'm always on his standard.
Fire.
Fire.
You know what I think cooler that is?
Remember when I did WWE Raw?
Yeah.
And I just got my ass dragged in the ring.
Yeah.
Afterwards, I stood on the fucking tent.
While you're there, you got to take it back.
Exactly.
Bro, Al told the joke and then went, oh, my mic dropped.
I did all the shit I wanted to.
I checked up all the pods.
How fire was it to get that pop, though?
No, it was awesome.
He got a big pop.
I see what you guys, why you guys are fucking psycho and go out there every single night and do that.
That was awesome.
That was an awesome feeling, but it's so nervous.
Nerve wraps.
That was cool.
He was nervous.
It was power posing.
All of it.
A ton of it.
Fucking beautiful song.
Oh, fuck.
Damn.
I forgot to do his name.
But I actually got that in Dubai.
It was a dude that, yeah, a local guy.
Yeah.
He was like a local designer or something like that?
Yeah.
And he put that together for me.
I'll tag.
I'm sorry about that.
I forgot your name.
That fucked up.
Too F for Al.
If you had to guess, what do you think it was?
Come on.
Too many continents.
All right, boys.
Anyway, any other discussions about any other discussions about the fest, Saudi Fest?
Nah, Mark Marinu ain't shit.
That's about it.
Jesus.
I'm tired of this motherfucking shit.
A lot of yo, not just him.
A lot of these comedians ain't shit.
Like, I've been seeing a lot of comedians like trying to like separate themselves from Austin lately.
Have you seen this?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I'm seeing a lot of these comedians, like, really trying to create distance from Austin.
Like, what's happening at Austin?
A lot of comedians that like used Joe and his millions of followers to boost their careers, that went on there to promote their specials, that performed at the club, like really used Joe's power and influence that he was very generous to give them.
And all of a sudden, there's like a little internet backlash post-election.
They're trying to blame the manosphere for the election, not the fact that they ran a fucking dead guy and a woman that can't talk.
No, it's true.
And it's like, and now I see these comics like kind of vocally talking shit that they would talk all this shit, by the way, behind closed doors, because it's what comics do, but like real like rat weasel shit.
Because you let this guy enrich you.
You used him for his followers.
And now you see a situation where like they're getting backlash.
And instead, you pile on for self-salvation.
Yeah.
Not get your boys back and refute some of the rumors that exist on the internet.
There's a lot of fucking weasels in this business and it's good.
I like to see it.
I want everybody to know because they're going to get canceled for some shit in the future.
They're going to not live up to the purity test.
And Joe is the type of guy that he would have had your back.
He would have had you on the biggest platform in the world to explain yourself.
He would have given you that opportunity.
But now, you know, you're showing who you really are.
So, you know what?
Enjoy the bed you made.
You know what, though?
Joe still might.
He's so fucking nice.
He still might.
He don't care.
And he knows that people are flawed, I guess.
But like, nah, that's a.
That's my guy.
I'm never going to fucking nah, never.
I never, I never pile on against him.
That's a real motherfucker right there.
Also, comedy scenes are comedy scenes.
Like, Brooklyn was the most annoying comedy scene.
Yeah.
Probably still is.
I don't need to perform anymore, luckily, but like, it was a fucking worst comedy scene.
He's right here, guys.
They're just nice people.
Okay.
They like you.
They're not nice people.
No, they're not.
No, they're not nice people.
Yeah, but this thing is like, like, they're going like all the comics and whatever.
It's like, listen, the majority of comics at a comedy club suck.
Okay.
They do.
I go to the cellar, I roll my eyes at half of these motherfuckers before I got to go on and mop up the bombs that they fucking do.
Okay, this idea that they're all good.
But what we're not, what we're not going to do is pretend like there aren't fantastic comics there as well.
Okay.
Shane is fantastic.
Derek Poson is fantastic.
Ryan Simpson is fantastic.
Okay.
Maybe they don't have the density that we have in New York right now.
Okay.
But at the same time, like to dispel the entire scene, because now Joe can no longer do something for you or Tony can no longer do something for you because that's where it really comes down.
When going on Joe Rogan made you a millionaire for six years in a row, all these comics were fucking quiet.
They were complimentary.
They were being so sweet because they wanted to get in.
Now that going on Joe Rogan once doesn't automatically give you a career.
And now that Kill Tony is focused on more like character-based people, now they no longer see their salvation in these two people.
So now they're having these honest conversations.
Oh, they're saying the R word a lot.
Shut up, retard.
I'm seeing these comics.
It's just so tooth-faced snake weasels, little rats.
And this is kind of who they are, though, to be honest.
Like these are the conversations they have in private.
And then they kind of change face.
So maybe it's even better that they finally have the balls to be authentic.
I mean, look, let's be honest, if you're a stand-up, you have a void.
There's something going on in here.
Some of us, I hope I'm the one of them, tries to work on it and still be a better person while chasing this thing.
And some of them, it's just an endless void and they're just going to keep chasing and keep betraying and keep being whatever.
Yeah.
I just think it's so corny.
You use someone to enrich yourself.
And the second they're going through something, you immediately abandon them.
And then you could say nothing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you have to act.
Now you have to say something.
You have to have a word.
It's like.
Yeah, okay.
Well, now we know who you are.
Even though we always knew, now everybody knows who you are.
And your fans probably.
No, some of them I'm surprised by.
Really?
Some of them I'm surprised.
I'm like, I thought you were a stand-up dude, man.
I thought you were a stand-up fucking guy.
And you were not.
Yeah, that is the epitome of a.
What's changed?
Because I feel like.
They don't see their salvation in him.
Comics are loyal to their salvation.
Sorry, what do you can let?
What are you saying?
Like, I feel like when Rogan was in LA, it was everybody got along.
It was really kumbaya in the comedy scene.
Like no one really attacked other comics, even if they disagreed with them.
What has changed?
This is my opinion.
Everything trickles down, right?
So it's like when the only way to make it was being on Comedy Central, all these comics that we see now were doing knock knock jokes, hoping to get a special on Comedy Central.
Right.
So you basically gravitate towards what your salvation is.
Most people do.
Most comics do.
Joe Rogan was the way to make it for a six or seven year stretch.
It was like you went on Rogan.
I saw it happen to me.
Like going on Rogan, life changed immediately.
Right.
And when that was the case, all these comics were real fucking quiet.
Nobody said a peep.
No one said, and if they disagreed with something, they were just silent.
Now going on Rogan once isn't going to immediately change your career.
Yeah, I remember you said you went from comedy clubs to theaters.
I went a few years later.
I went from comedy clubs to more people in a comedy club.
But like, and then, and then what happened is I think a lot of comics saw like Kill Tony being the way to make it, right?
So nobody was going to talk shit about Rogan and nobody's going to talk shit about Tony.
And now you see Kill Tony and the people that really explode from there are like more character-based, right?
So then comics go, okay, well, I can't make it immediately off of Rogan.
I can't make it immediately off Tony.
Silence After Rogan00:05:31
I guess I'll sandbag these motherfuckers while the internet is coming after them.
I think that's what it is.
I think it's purely where is my salvation.
And now they see their salvation as like, oh, I'm going to separate myself from the manosphere because there's so much criticism on the internet.
It's like, no, that's the time where you should lean into the people who helped you.
That's the time where you should be a good, solid friend.
That's the time where you should refute fake narratives about someone who helped you when you offered nothing to him.
All these people that went on Rogan, they offered nothing to Rogan.
He literally gave them a platform and the biggest platform on the planet, millions of people that can go come out to your shows.
You made millions of dollars off this guy.
And now you're going to fucking sandbag him, let other people come on your show to fucking talk shit about him.
That is the, yeah, you don't want that motherfucker in a foxhole, put it that way.
And people know that.
People know that at their core.
Like your fans might support you right now, but they know you're a rap.
And, you know, and your time is going to come, and then nobody's going to be there to help you.
This is how you describe comedy before, Rogan.
Like, when you were coming up, like, he would always talk about, like, dude, like, these comics are just so fucking selfish.
And I was like, come on, they're not that bad.
You know, Rogan organized the whole shit.
He was benevolent.
He helped.
So everybody else was like, maybe that's the way to do it.
We should all help.
And the second they stopped seeing him as the one and only salvation for their career, they're like, okay, we can go back to just shitting on everybody mercilessly.
And now you see all these little fractures and everybody ripping people different ways and then comedians having other comedians on their podcast and then forgetting how to riff.
Oh, that fucking drove me crazy.
It's like, oh, all of a sudden, I don't know how to riff.
Now your premise is offensive to me.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
You can't use that word.
You used to be on a podcast that was like known for riffing about the most fucked up shit.
Yep.
And now all of a sudden it's like, oh, I don't know how to do comedy.
Oh, I don't know.
That's a bad word.
Yeah, what?
What are you saying?
I don't understand what you're saying.
So here's what you're trying to say.
No, what I'm trying to say is a joke.
Let me say the crazy thing and then let me land.
It's funny.
You white comics is acting like black comics.
It's crazy.
Cat Williams ruined it all.
Williams calls his Williams wheel on Shakespeare's shit.
And then the whole ecosystem fell apart.
You know what I also think, though?
Because there used to be an LA, New York comedy thing.
Like New York comics, shit on LA.
That was it.
And LA was kind of jealous, whatever.
Now there's a third scene that they can both just hate.
So they're all like, ah, you know what?
Fuck that.
And LA is like, yeah, the heat's not on us for being dog shit comics.
Fuck those guys.
They're hateful.
All right, buddy.
Keep moving your hands like that.
Do you know what I mean?
Go ahead.
You suck, too.
Don't think because you stayed in LA and didn't go to Austin.
Somehow you're a better comic.
You still do this.
You suck.
Yo, thanks.
You're making balloon animals.
What is this comedy?
Fuck out of here.
I'm saying the starboard.
What do you mean, come on?
Stay quiet for a bit.
Now I'm done.
Mark Maron, come on this pod.
Let me chop you up.
You asked him to come on, but he would never come on.
No, I asked him nicely.
Now, come on.
I'll chop you up like you, Jamal Kashoki.
Come on, bro.
Come to the embassy.
Hey, hey, come to the embassy, Mark.
You're not even done.
Shows can sit out if you're intimidated by it.
Don't worry.
I got you.
That is funny.
I know you're probably not used to talking to people of color at your shows, but just come talk to one and then we'll handle it.
Mark Marin acting like he didn't also have a president on his podcast.
Oh, but I'm sure he asked him all about deportations.
I'm sure he asked him about drone strikes.
I'm sure he gave him all the condolences.
Get the fuck out of here.
You just had him back on.
You did the same thing.
Did he really?
I think so.
He's hilarious.
He just had Obama on like a few.
You did the same thing, bro.
You did the same exact thing.
You might also need to fact check this, but I've heard Mark Maron hasn't had a single trans person on his podcast.
Oh my God.
Those people he cares so deeply.
Decades you've been doing this, pod.
Marin doesn't care about nobody but himself.
And anybody inside comedy knows this?
It's the people outside of comedy that are like unaware of it.
Yeah.
But like, what was the little shit with Jon Stewart?
Oh, yeah.
Well, they had a now.
Let's have fun.
So let's have fun.
While we're talking shit, because he'd been going on every pod talking shit.
Jon Stewart and Mark Maron in New York decades ago were like comedy purists, hated all kinds of shit.
Like they were like, we love stand-up.
We love this.
Joshua gets a job with MTV hosting a show.
Mark Maron is like, fuck you.
Like to his face.
How fucking dare you take that?
You fucking sell out.
You fucking shill.
Fuck you.
Makes John feel so bad about it.
Affects their relationship.
John ends up leaving the show for whatever reason.
I don't remember if it was a moral thing or he had nothing.
No, I think they didn't get the opportunity to do like a better opportunity.
Guess who takes over that show?
No.
Mark fucking Maron.
Not Mark the Principled.
Oh, Mark the Principled Guy.
And then he tried to act like nothing happened with John.
John was like, no, no, no.
You, fuck you.
You don't get to be my friend after that.
Fuck you.
Then decades later, they try to chop it up or they try to patch it up.
And John is like, Mark is like, hey, I would love for you to come on the podcast and talk about this.
John is like, look, if you want to mend the friendship, I'm open to it, but I'm not doing it to give you podcast stuff.
Like, let's just talk in person and we'll have it out.
Mark Maron never contacts him again.
Exactly.
Because it ain't content.
But it's like, and I understand why outsiders wouldn't know this about him, but like anybody on the inside knows.
What's up, fellow noodle dicks?
I'm saying fellow because here's what I've realized.
As you get older, your boners aren't boners like they used to be.
Some of y'all can't even get them anymore.
You know what?
That's okay.
Your dick game deserves a boost.
Mending Mark Maron Friendship00:02:03
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Paid non-client endorsed conversation provides the sentences to possibly prototype acorns.
We haven't had a boys up since before we went to Australia.
It's been a minute.
I haven't even talked to you.
Investing With Acorns00:14:08
We haven't even talked to the people about Australia.
Yeah, Australia was fun, dude.
Good quality of life.
Good quality of life.
Really?
Yeah, like, why?
What makes a good quality?
There's a cheap shit to do that is really fun.
Like, that they have access to the beach.
The weather's amazing, and you can go to the beach, and there's nothing more luxurious than the beach, right?
Like, people spend fucking hundreds of thousands of dollars to stay at nice resorts that are on beaches.
And it's like every single day you take your kid down to that fucking beach, you see the most beautiful beach you've ever seen, and they're just littered with them.
They're all over the place.
So you can have this like really amazing, like luxurious quality of life for very little.
And they got all the same issues we got here in terms of like rent being crazy and like lack of opportunity and all this other stuff.
But at the end of the day, like, you know, they have you see tons of young people with kids.
You just, it was just awesome.
Yeah.
Name some more things because the beach is everywhere, my biggest.
Well, no, like fucking Jones Beach, bro.
We're talking about Florida, Cali.
We got nice beaches.
No, I think it's fair.
It's fair.
Like for me, that's what I saw.
Like, I don't get to every day, like, go down to the beach with my daughter.
That was another thing, too, which is like, I got to do a lot of family time.
Oh, yeah.
So, like, my skills was like, we wake up, we have breakfast, we hang out.
I go back home for bedtime.
And the nice thing about being in a movie is you're not, the travel is one place.
So they come with you and then you're there.
Exactly.
I'm not going away every weekend or flying this.
Like, it's like every day we're together.
I'm reading books to my daughter to go to sleep every single night.
And it's like, and I'm sure I'm saying this as most people listening are like, yeah, I do that with my kid all the time.
I just didn't get to.
We're gone three, four days a week.
Yeah.
So like it was, that was awesome.
And yeah, it was just, yeah, it was just fantastic.
I feel like people there are not as stressed politically.
Dude, they're so unaffected by anything.
Like they're so removed.
They're kind of like Americans, like in that way.
Like we are really political about the shit that's happening here.
I'm sure they are.
But like we're detached from like what's happening in Europe.
We're detached from what's happening in the Middle East.
Like it's just not, we care, but it also isn't going to affect us.
They're that times 10 because there ain't even land to walk to them.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like if you got there illegally, you work for that shit.
Yeah.
So they're just detached from everything, kind of like living in their own little bubble.
And it allows them to have a pretty like stress-free life.
You know, it's got to get that's paid for by the Australian government.
Yeah, I know.
This guy's a show.
It's a shill for Australia.
This guy's a shill, dude.
Do that koala money.
Now we're going to non-stop.
Also, the fucking movie.
The movie was, the movie was fire.
The movie was like, this shit is going to surprise people, man.
I mean, just the cast alone.
I have tons of faith.
Yeah, it was, but it's just like making it, this shit gave me faith in acting.
Like, I used to never like acting.
I was like, this shit is boring as hell.
And shout out to the director, Katow, and the producers as well, like Kale and Jay.
And it was like, it was super collaborative.
It was like shit would be on the page and then we would all come together and be like, okay, what can we make this?
What would the character do?
And a lot of times directors have these like massive egos where it's like you can't infiltrate that at all.
And it's almost like you need that in order to control 275 people every single day to like get what you need.
But this shit was super collaborative.
Like he would let us play, give us our thoughts on what the character would do.
Like we changed certain things about it.
Like no ego.
But he also knew where the movie was going type of thing.
So like, and it was just, it was fun.
Like I would look forward to it.
And I never do that with that.
Wow.
Like I was like, oh, I'm excited about this scene.
I'm like texting the directors and the actors about, hey, can we rehearse this?
What if we did this for this scene?
Like it was, yeah, it was fire.
That's awesome.
How's your fighting skills?
Can you?
I just get my ass kicked the whole movie.
That's my role.
That's actually perfect.
Yeah.
You beating up anybody, even though you box people, be like, what the fuck is this?
No.
And it's just, yeah, it's, it's also like I have a different respect for like action stars.
Ah, like the guy Noah, who's the star of the movie?
He plays Ken.
Like this guy knows centennial, and like he ate literally, like I don't know, like something.
He ate steak four times a day and like four eggs every time he ate the steak.
And he ate that for six months.
Wow.
And every single meal.
And that's all he ate.
And he, when he would film, he's working out the entire day to keep the pump so it looks good on camera.
Wow.
And I was like, I don't got that.
I'm more of a nom-com.
I'm the fat friend.
Son, I saw that shit.
I stopped working out.
I got in worse shape there.
Because I'd be in every scene with this motherfucker, right?
And his buffing, I'd be looking at my arms on camera afterwards.
I'm like, I'm done working out.
I'm going the other way.
Yeah, Chuck's position is funnier.
Yeah, and you're getting beat up.
So why you got to be in good shape?
Who am I wasting these muscles for?
But I saw that shit.
I was like, that is like, that is dedicated.
Like what Rambo must have done to look like that?
Yeah.
Before steroids and shit.
I kept telling Noah, I was like, yo, take steroids.
Like, no, I got to do it.
I'm like, fuck that.
Take steroids.
Eat Rice Krispies treats or whatever.
Like Rambo is taking steroids.
That's what I'm saying.
You should do that.
I'm only.
If you see me in shape in a movie, I'm cheating.
I am cheating.
I can't wait to cheat.
If you see me in shape in life, you're cheating.
Did you ever see Hugh Jackman in the first Wolf?
He's me not being fat.
I'm cheating.
Well, he was insane.
In every Wolf.
No, first Wolverine, the last one is hilarious.
Oh, why?
He was small in the first one?
Yeah, yeah.
The first one, he just kind of regular.
That's me.
That's what I look like.
Stop it.
You don't even look that good.
No, that's what I look like.
Dead out.
That's what I look like on camera.
Oh, okay.
So they use CGI.
That's crazy.
Okay, so I learned some shit about this, right?
Because they're smart, right?
With Noah, he's shirtless so much in the movie that they can't really do anything about it.
But like with me, I found out I was shirtless for the first three days.
And that's it.
And I was like, say less.
Oh, lovely.
I was off the bread for like a week.
I did my one scene.
The second we finished filming my scene.
I already had a sandwich.
Until they got to do retakes at the end.
And then I had to be sure.
I was like, God damn, we're justified in the same way.
Oh, my God.
But so I heard with these type of movies is they'll find out when he's going to be shirtless.
They'll film that immediately almost.
And then the rest of the scenes with Wolverine usually have his leather jacket on or a shirt that's ripped or whatever.
So you get that scene right there one day that he prepares for.
And then after that, he's still big and ripped.
But he couldn't.
But the abs.
Yeah, you can drink water.
You can let go a little bit.
Yeah.
Did they give you a little touch-up?
Little.
Oh, I asked him.
So I ain't shit.
I didn't have to drink ads.
I didn't get abs.
I didn't work out for like two months.
And then we had to do this final scene.
I'm just like, man, I go to the makeup people.
I'm like, yo, Shorty, let me talk to you in a second.
I need you to give me definition.
Like, I need to be able to get out of it.
So I'm all dirty in the scene, but we made sure to dirt would carve out my arms.
Carve out my process.
I am bad at it.
That motherfucker's working out every day.
I'm at the beach with my kids.
I can't compete.
He's young.
How old is he?
Yeah, he's in his 20s.
Yeah, he got that motherfucker was ripped.
No, no, he's great.
He's great.
I'm just saying, he got this.
What are you doing at that age?
You're trying to be in shape.
It's over for us.
It is over for us.
All these motherfuckers.
The guy plays Ryu, Andrew Koji.
That motherfucker was ripped.
That motherfucker was so goddamn ripping.
And then he busts his ankle.
They had to shut down filming for three weeks.
Oh, no.
And I was like, selfishly, I was like, am I involved in these other scenes?
Like, because I was like, I got to get back to America.
Luckily, they were able to film me out.
Are you going to tell the story of the dude that you thought was in costume?
Oh, yeah.
Vidget John Wall, my boy Vidget.
He's this like Bollywood style.
Veget.
Veget, Veget, Vidy.
I call him Vidget.
But he's like a big action star, huh?
He's like, that's what white people probably call him.
Yeah, but white people probably vidget.
It's not Vidit.
It's actually Vidget.
Vidget.
Vidya.
Yeah, Vidyat.
Okay.
There's no E.
Oh.
Vidyut?
Yeah, but Vidget.
Okay.
Yeah.
Vidget.
The way I said it.
The way I said it initially.
You're fucking white ass.
Look how handsome that motherfucker is, right?
So he plays Dalsum, and that was the homie.
Look at that motherfucker.
God shares.
He said he don't believe in protein.
Really?
What?
Yeah, he don't believe in it.
He goes, protein is a myth.
I said, what?
This motherfucker is funny as shit.
Anyway, martial arts starts in India.
Like all of these, this is where it begins.
And it's called Colorty Priddy, something like that.
What?
Colory Pretty.
Colory Pity.
He's insulting me.
So you didn't even know martial arts started.
I didn't know.
Well, now you know.
Colory Pradayette.
Colority Prudy.
Anyway, so he's like, yeah.
He's got some color shit.
Don't I worry too.
Yeah, I don't worry about South Indian stuff.
He is too constant.
They started martial arts.
They invented it, bro.
He's a husband and a wife.
He's like, you think that he should self-defense to it?
So he's like sixth generation that.
And he's also like an action star, like whatever.
So he comes in and some shit.
And, you know, they had us in like funny costumes.
So he pulled up.
And I thought he was in costume.
I didn't know.
Like, I didn't know that's just how he dressed regularly.
So the first day I meet him, I'm like, I'm like, oh, this is what Dawson was wearing.
That shit is fire, blah, blah, blah.
And I started kind of teasing him or whatever.
And he's not really reacting.
And I don't know if he speaks English and I have no clue what's going on.
And the directors and producers are all like, no, no, no, no.
That's just what he, that's how he dresses.
And I was like, I thought they were being sarcastic.
And this went on for like 10 minutes.
This went on for 10 straight minutes.
I just kept putting my foot in my mouth and I couldn't get out of it.
I don't really have anything else to say.
Does he fuck with you now?
Like, I love that guy.
What's the whole I don't believe in protein shit?
He don't believe in it, bro.
So what does he eat?
Yeah.
He's vegetarian, I assume?
I don't know.
No follow-up question.
I don't know.
I'm like, motherfucker, look like that night in protein.
It's crazy.
Yeah, it's something else going on.
But it's also like martial arts where it's invented.
I'm not even trying to joke.
I'm trying to tell you guys a history, bro.
If you guys want to learn something today, is invented there, bro.
Like, in what way?
Caleripaieto.
Caler di paieto.
Caleripaet is where martial arts.
It's the way of life, man.
It's the beaches, man.
The beaches.
The beaches, bro.
Son, they got a great way of life out.
You're Puerto Rican.
You know what I mean?
Why do you guys think you're still there?
The beach.
That shit was laylocked.
You guys would have left.
Yeah, but we culture.
There's a lot of stuff going on.
More than just the beaches.
Man, come, you got one bad bunny thing, and then that's it.
What about Fofty?
How was young Fifth?
Oh, 50 was great, man.
He looked incredible.
He lost like 25 pounds.
The motherfucker was starving himself.
First cast dinner.
We show up.
He spills a glass of champagne on me.
And he goes, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Takes off his Rolex and goes, here, take this.
I go, I'm not taking that shit.
He goes, no, man, I feel so bad.
Take it.
I'm like, I'm not taking your watch.
He goes, please, man, take it.
I'm like, I'm not fucking having three guys break into my hotel this tonight to take this back.
So I'm not going to fucking take this watch.
And I don't know.
I'm bombing right now, guys.
Wait, is that real?
Yeah, He tried to give me one.
I didn't take the watch, but yeah.
He was just a legend.
Fuck, you didn't take the watch for?
Nah, I can't.
He ruined your outfit.
No, he didn't.
He ruined it.
He destroyed it with the moet.
I should have taken the watch.
Yeah.
One bajillion percent.
I think you don't want these people to feel used, but I'd be using sometimes.
You know what I mean?
I'd be like, give me the watch.
You offer it.
So more disrespectful to turn it down.
Yeah.
No, I can't.
Nah, he's right.
That's the move.
No, I can't.
Because you don't want a guy to feel like he took that fucking watch.
You took a fucking watch for a shirt.
Like, at the party, he's going to be like, I seen your shirt and you took my Rolex.
He offered.
I know, but it's an empty offer.
It's just to show how apologetic he is that I'd be willing to do this if you really wanted.
But if you really wanted, our friendship would be affected forever.
Yes, 100%.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's the reality of the match.
Is it also a crazy look to wear another man's Rolex?
Nah.
Nah, because that's a vintage watch isn't it?
Yeah, a vintage watch is somebody else's.
But no, it's yours, though, forever.
Like, to borrow.
No, no, he was like, he was making me the watch.
Gifting him the watch in exchange for a shirt.
As a punish, you know, not as a punishment, as a punishment for his mother.
An apology.
An apology.
That was like the time you let me borrow your shoes.
I let me borrow his sneakers, like brand new off-whites.
And then anytime if someone complimented me, I'd be like, thanks.
They're Alex.
And Alex will shut the fuck up.
Don't tell people that.
Yeah.
Why?
Because he didn't want people to know that I was wearing his shoes.
He's like, you can't be wearing another man's shoes.
But if that's feet, dude, that's different.
Feet are sacred.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You didn't want people knowing that you lent your shoes.
Yeah, like I wanted you to stand on your own shit.
You know, like, it's kind of corny looking if you're wearing somebody else's shoes.
So I was like, you're doing it for me?
Yeah.
All right.
I was like, dude, thanks for the shoes.
I told everyone.
I was like, yeah, Alex gave it to me.
No, that's nice.
That's what you should do.
Right?
And I was like, don't let people talk that.
You're going to make us look crazy out here.
Y'all do it gay as fuck.
I know.
That's why he's concerned.
Borrowing Brand New Sneakers00:08:48
It's both.
I'm a nice guy.
How's Cody Rhodes?
Cody was so good.
He was so funny.
Who surprised you the most?
Cody was a okay, really?
Cody.
He was hilarious.
He's the funniest person on set.
Really?
Like, hilarious.
And, like, he, Guile, it was to the point where I don't even know what Guile looks like.
It's just Cody.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, once you see someone as a character, you're like, okay, that's kind of what they are.
What they look like.
They put a wig on, obviously.
But like, he was just so funny.
I didn't expect him to be that funny.
You know what I mean?
Like, he's not that funny in WWE.
He's not good at WWE, but he's not hilarious.
Like, the job isn't for him to be a comedian.
White meat, babyface, and whatever they call it.
Yeah, yeah.
And like, but holy shit.
I mean, like, every line.
Yeah.
Every line.
Like, that role is bigger now in the movie because of him.
Wow.
That's the ultimate compliment.
Trying to find more scenes, trying to find more things.
Wow.
Like, that good.
Shouts.
Like, I saw it happen.
I saw, like, it was like, we have a, we have some funny shit.
Like, we would, we would play well, and, like, we would kind of like build some things around it.
And, uh, and it was just, yeah, we have some fun stuff.
Wrestling to acting pipeline?
Like, there's Cena chilling.
Because you're playing a character the whole time you're wrestling.
Yeah.
So it's just like, it's just such a natural transition.
Even rapping acting, you're kind of playing a character as a rapper.
So these things make perfect sense.
Nah, we real, bro.
Stop it.
Sure.
Everybody rapped at one point.
The hardest transition, I think, for the wrestlers is the same as the comedians, where like they're used to a reaction to what they say.
So basically separating yourself from that expectation.
It's tough.
It's tough.
But those that can do it, like obviously Cena did it.
You're going to see with Cody, like, and then obviously Roman was Akuma.
Oh, yeah.
He's playing the bad guy.
Yeah.
And like, you know, that, if you can separate yourself from like the neediness of that immediate reaction, because everybody on the set got to be quiet until you cut.
They already have the character work.
They understand who it is.
Like, they're phenomenal.
Phenomenal.
I'm going to watch that movie in Riyadh when it comes out.
Respect.
Now they got theaters, bro.
Yeah, they do.
Now you got theaters.
All right.
What else are we talking about, boys?
When does the movie come out?
Next October.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
That's a long editing.
Joey, hit us.
We got a couple random things.
Do you want to just do like a little...
Oh, no.
What?
The videos you was playing earlier.
What, you don't want to do some AI videos?
I still don't know how I feel about them.
Do you want to talk about some AI videos?
Sean, this Sora 2 shit is crazy.
Yeah, let's do it.
Have you seen any of the AI videos that people are posting?
The Sora videos?
I immediately scroll past any AI video I see.
Really?
Yeah.
What?
I just don't care.
Once they take away that watermark, you're going to have a hard time telling.
There's a watermark?
Yeah, every Sora video says Sora.
Oh, I don't even notice it.
I just like, once I see it's like fake, I'm just like, I don't care.
Like, I mean, it's, there's funny shit.
Like, I'll see the Jake Paul things.
Have you seen the Mr. Rogers and Tupac shit?
No.
Good.
Oh, my God.
Can we find that clip?
No, that's good shit.
You can play a few of these.
They're good.
They just.
It's just, they need to be.
I'm just playing with my man MLK, though.
But that's the thing.
They need to be so fucked up in order for me to.
Get out, butter.
All right, Sony.
I take back everything I said.
I take back everything I said.
Dude, I've been scrolling past absolute art.
Oh, my God.
I'm telling you.
This nation was founded upon the belief that the peanut butter is a macro cheese sandwich.
Oh, my God, dude.
No, dude, MLK GTA 6.
Well, that wasn't it.
No, that's fucking unbelievable.
All right, next.
I say to you today, my friends, GTA 6.
More like GTA 6-7.
Oh, he did that.
Break down the 6-7 shit to me.
I'm a boomer.
I don't think it means anything.
I don't think there's any history to it.
It's just 6-7.
Anytime you can say 6'7, you say that's a good thing.
It's from a Skrilla song.
Yeah, it's from a song.
Yeah.
Skrillix?
Skrilla.
Yo, you had so much confidence with your fucking jack shit knowledge.
I didn't even ask you because I knew you knew nothing.
You don't even know about Colorado Pilot.
Of course, you're not going to know about 6'7.
You jumped to Answer.
You jumped to Answer.
You jumped.
He said, Hey, hey, hey.
There's no meaning behind it.
Even though I had no information to back that up.
No, you're not fat.
You're just full of shit.
I can't believe.
I can't believe.
You open your fucking mouth to say anything.
They knew what it was.
They knew what it was.
They knew what it was and you jumped in front of them to say nothing.
Play this shit.
Mark, can you break down what the fuck 6'7?
It doesn't mean anything.
I told you nothing.
I told you.
No, it's from this song from Skrilla.
Dude, Dude, 6'7.
It's a wonderful song.
It's an absolute.
That don't mean anything, yo.
6'7.
I just bit me on it.
That's it.
That's it.
All right.
So, so, but is 6'7 like his neighborhood?
Is it the street he lives on?
I don't even know about that.
I don't even know why he made it.
It's like this generation's like 1738.
It's just like a number that you, it's catchy and you just repeat it for a while.
But 1738 was obviously like a pin code.
He was Remy Morphy.
Remy Morphy's HTMP.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you for judging me.
I'm joking.
You are serious.
I'm obviously joking.
1738.
1738.
Man, it sounds like I'm fired today.
Ain't that this guy?
Let's get that.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, but 1738 is probably his address.
I think he costs himself.
You know, he's just letting people know.
1738.
Come on, bro.
Is this Sora?
Please tell me.
It was promised to us, and I have one thing to say.
Yeah, boo, six, seven, mother.
Oh, it's coins.
It's crazy.
Oh, my God.
Yo, hit that Tupac one if you can.
I think this might be, this might be, hopefully, this is the one.
I just looked it up.
These clips get deleted.
What's up, my neighbor?
What did you call me?
Nah, I'm just messing with you.
My neighbor.
My neighbor.
My motherfucking neighbor.
Man, you wild, Fred.
I know I was wondering.
Could I get the pass just one time?
No, no, Mr. Rodgers.
That's one thing I can't hand out, even in the neighborhood.
Fair enough.
But you still cool with me.
You know what, Pac?
I think I'm ready to leave this white-ass neighborhood.
So what's this game called again?
This shit here is Connect for Loco.
I win, you drink.
You win, I drink.
Well, let's get neighborly.
Like this: chin tuck.
Step, pop, the jab, bring it right back.
Real simple.
Slick, roll with it, then hook.
All about staying ready.
You never know.
And it helps you feel prepared and kind of exactly, Mr. Rock.
The one I saw was him saying, like, giving him the lyrics to hit him up.
He was like, what if you said that you had relations with his wife?
And like, forget you and your friend group.
Yeah.
It's not as good without the Down syndrome kid.
I feel like all those could have been just as good if the Down syndrome kid was in it.
I really just want to see that.
He's a scene stealer.
Yeah.
He's a scene stealer.
I'm like guilt-free laughter at Down syndrome.
Because it's not a real one.
Because it's not a real one.
Exactly.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, that's why we can laugh at it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, isn't that.
No, no, no.
You're right.
You know?
But I'll be laughing at the rest.
I've seen this one.
This is good.
But imagine there's a Down syndrome kit.
All of these would be better if there's a Down syndrome crit just yelling out different peanut butters or whatever.
How about Hitler, though, Hitler one?
What did he do?
They got him in all the AIs already.
Down Syndrome Kid Scene Stealer00:02:22
Yeah.
They got one where he's coming out as a starting quarterback.
Oh, hold on.
I need more juice, damn it.
6-7, 6-7-88, baby.
That's crazy.
What the fuck?
Ceasefire now.
That's crazy.
Did we talk about the ceasefire?
No.
Briefly, you said you solved it.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, isn't that cool that there's a ceasefire?
Yeah.
The hostages back.
Hamas is going to relinquish power.
Like, isn't this what everybody wanted?
Yeah.
Why does it feel like it's not a lot of excitement?
I think we're not sure if it's actually, we need to make sure it's calm before we're like.
Are you saying that people don't trust the deal that was brokered between Donald Trump, Bibi, Netanyahu, and Hamas?
Yes.
Are you saying that?
People might think that that won't happen.
Yeah, it won't last.
Those three figures might back out on their word.
Yeah, someone might renegotiate.
Wow.
Okay.
I think that's very fair.
But the hostages are back, which is great.
So clearly, BB would never do anything.
Oh no, this whole thing has been about the hostages.
Yeah, that's all I care about.
There's no way that he's gonna do a single thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, that's all he's ever wanted.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
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And it's only available through October.
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Viral Grooney Smith Gummies00:15:07
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Let's get back to the show.
What y'all think about Dogtober 7th?
Hassan Piker dog.
Like, what?
Yo, everybody upset at Hassan Piker.
Like, y'all haven't zapped your dog, bro.
Get the fuck out of here, bro.
Why is that my dog?
He's just misbehaving.
Yo, Zahn, just zap the fuck out your dog, bro.
Star Wars.
Hit him with a little Star Wars.
Here's the thing, though.
If you're going to constantly virtue signal and be a leftist, the left loves dogs.
I love dogs.
I mean, the right loves dogs.
The left loves dogs.
Everybody loves dogs, to be honest.
But you can't virtue signal and then be zapping your dog for not being in your stream.
Is the dog actually getting zaps?
The dog wasn't misbehaving.
Like, what's he doing that's misbehaving?
You need to zap that motherfucker.
I think the dog just caught its nail.
Nah, you need to zap that dog bullshit.
Hey, Hassan, barbecue that motherfucker, bro.
What the fuck are you doing?
Put him in the barbecue.
You gotta zap that dog.
That's a bad dog.
He's not Asian, bro.
Zap that dog.
No.
100%.
I don't even think he's zapping him.
I don't even believe that.
He's cooking that motherfucker.
Do you know Turkey?
Oh, yeah, really.
That was the Spice Row or whatever it was.
What is it called?
The Spice.
Marco Polo went to Spice Lands.
Oh, the Silk Road.
Silk Roadlands.
Turkey's part of the Silk Road.
You don't think they were Chow when I was with Chow?
I'm telling you, you could speak Turkish.
You can speak Turkish from Turkey to the Uyghurs.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Zap the dog.
What's up?
Zap that dog.
Oh, you're right back at that.
Zap it.
Hold on.
Zap that dog, Hassan.
Nah, fuck that.
That dog was acting up.
You don't got to zap your little bitch-ass pigeon.
Yeah, I don't.
You gotta just grab that motherfucker.
If you got a behemoth like that, you gotta zap that dog.
Hassan is a behemoth.
Zap that dog.
Hey, Hassan, do whatever you need to do to handle your candle, my boy.
If Beethoven is acting up, zap that fucking dog.
What are we going to do?
Zap that dog.
We don't judge other cultures.
He's from Turkey.
He's from Turkey.
They don't have animals.
They don't have house pets.
He doesn't know what to do.
He thinks it's a fucking cheetah.
He's not American.
He doesn't know how to be an American yet.
We have to institutionalize him.
Teach him.
Until then, zap that dog.
He thinks he lives in a zoo.
He's from Turkey.
They're dumb.
They don't know what to do with animals.
He thinks you're supposed to pile it up into a schwanla machine.
Hassan, the dog's not even.
Hey, I'm going to be honest.
I've been around wasabi.
She a lot.
Yeah, you don't kick it.
Zap a little more sensitive.
Let's go, Tom.
He almost killed my pigeon.
Jumped up in the air, lying in both paws.
What would you do?
What would you do?
And she worked.
Six, seven times.
Six, seven, seven, happy one more time.
This dog ain't doing nothing.
Zap that dog.
Zap or something.
You know who else zaps their dog?
Saudi Arabia.
Wait, what?
Headlining next year.
Hassan Piker.
They got a dog show out there.
They got a dog show with an electric chair.
The gays aren't dogs, man.
Come on.
Zap those gays.
You got to zap some gays, bro.
You don't think that Elon's daughter pulled up with the zap machine, the newest version of it?
Hold up to this on-stream.
They'll put this shit on your dog.
He's going to sit wherever the fuck you want.
Zap that dog.
Leave Hassan alone.
He got a ceasefire.
This guy made the ceasefire happen almost single-handedly.
He can't electrocute the fuck out of a baby.
It's one dog, bro.
It's one dog.
This is crazy.
What is God?
It's one dog.
Protect dogs, yo.
Didn't you abandon a dog you already got?
No, I did not.
He would love to be electrocuted in your house.
All right.
Stop.
You know what I mean?
Re-owned it.
Yeah.
Re-owned.
He said to some drug dealer, probably using his dog.
Stuffing cocaine.
Welcome to the dog island.
What is the ethnicity of this family?
That's up.
He moved him up.
No.
Fuck out of it.
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
That seemed racial.
It was.
That seemed racial.
It was white.
7-6.
That's even back.
7-6.
7-6.
You got a 7-6 that.
We had to 7-6 that.
Okay.
That's crazy.
We got an 87U right now.
That's an 86.
You fucking retarded dog killer.
You fucking dog Nazi.
I can't believe that y'all are giving Hassan shit for literally trying to help its dog learn.
Yeah.
He's trying to help the dog learn.
Nah, fuck that, dude.
You can't be zap.
You don't even doing nothing.
Yo, what podcast are we on?
We can't riff.
This guy behaves.
This guy be having smoke for us, so fuck him.
No, he doesn't.
Oh, he don't.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Hey, let him have the dogs.
I get it.
Sometimes he misbehaved.
My man got a ceasefire.
Yes.
He saved human beings.
Yes, millions.
He's nice to us.
I like the guy.
I'd be totally fine if he had one of them.
Think it, figure it, take it, figure it.
Yep.
I'd be fine if he had a.
Anytime the dog gets a little out of the frame on stream, I'm okay with that because he got his fucking ceasefire while y'all sat on your asses.
Y'all sat on your sat on your fucking ass.
He got the ceasefire.
We were just out there.
That was.
I know why.
This motherfucker killing dogs.
Yeah.
Leave Hassan alone.
He's a nice guy.
He's a good guy.
Handsome.
Handsome.
Okay.
Dog was acting up.
I saw that dog acting up, sympathizing with those right-wing podcasters.
He's got a right-wing dog, bro.
You know, he's a fucking right-wing.
He was a neo-Lacan or whatever, bro.
No, wait, is this him explaining?
Oh, man, Mark, what the hell just happened?
What?
What happened?
7-6, right?
That was some 7-6.
You need to be more six, dude.
You are 7-6 in.
I gotta be like screwed.
Was this him explaining the shot collar?
Why don't we believe everybody's saying, oh, he took off the zap part?
You don't think that they sell a zapless dog collar?
Yeah, I know they do.
It's called a dog collar.
A zapless dog collar is a dog.
No, it's got a little vibration.
Put that in your little dog clip and have a good night.
Is he the rectal shot collar?
Have a good night.
Y'all never did that.
You never put a vibrator in your dog's clip.
Yo, get your dog's exciting.
Yeah, exactly.
You never tried to reward.
All you're doing is punishing.
Dogs work with reward.
Give it a treat.
Yeah.
6'7.
That's 6'7 right there.
Isn't that the dog click collar?
I don't like that.
The dog click collar is definitely 6'7.
The dog's an edge.
1738.
This is pink.
Zip code, you idiot.
1738.
It's his pink code.
That is his pink code.
It's his lunch code.
That is his pin code.
1738.
Oh, man.
Those are the only numbers you can see with one eye.
Come on, man.
Is that that?
Well, we also don't know if dogs feel that.
Yeah, a lot of people don't know for a fact dogs feel electricity.
Then how does it work?
It doesn't.
Yeah, Sabbi's the only misbehave.
I try to hook Sabbi up to our electrical outlets sometimes.
I put a little dog treat in the electrical outlets.
I just put peanut butter all over the electrical outlets.
Every time she misbehaves, oh, there's some peanut butter snacks over there.
She don't learn her lesson.
Do you know what I mean?
If that doesn't work, I put peanut butter on my ass.
It's like a battery.
Yeah, it is.
He has so much hair on that ass.
Oh, my God.
He's a pain in the ass to get out, dude.
Yeah, dude.
Only a dog can do that.
Only a dog can do that, John.
It's true.
With their spiky tongues.
You ever white boy fun yourself?
Yes.
Wait a minute.
White boy fun yourself where you put it on your neck and you shock yourself.
Didn't we do that for an episode or some shit?
Oh, so we're out here electric shocking minorities.
I was trying to do that.
No.
Shit with my boys when we were young.
The fence line was there and you just put it on and run.
See how far you could get before you started running back.
You could put a flag and you try to beat your other partner.
See, and he's fine.
That's awesome.
Leave Lasan alone.
How's it feel?
What's it feel like?
You turn around real fast.
Keep going until you back.
Yeah, you know, leave Lassan alone.
My motherfucker, he got a ceasefire now.
Okay, he likes us, that's important.
All sorts of people that's really all I care about.
Exactly.
His dog is happy.
His dog is fed.
Does his dog not feed?
It looks beautiful.
Dog got to smell the seed after Elon's daughter put that dussie on it.
No, he got shot.
But she put that dussie on it.
And maybe that's why he's going back.
Let me get another sniff.
She had Elon's daughter just dropping that dussy on everywhere on the stream, bro.
Oh, can we get it?
You don't want to smell that a little bit, Elon's daughter.
Elon's daughter, I've never seen her.
Dripping all over the stream seat.
Come on, Akan.
Wait, is this the which daughter is this?
The hot one.
Not the son that transitioned.
The yeah, the daughter, the daughter.
It's a daughter.
That's why she got the dussie.
Okay, I got you now.
All right, now I'm with you.
Okay.
Oh, get it.
Get it.
Look at that dussie.
Oh, yeah.
Does he dance?
Does he dance?
I was 6'7.
Yeah, that was 6'7 for sure.
Where's the dog right now, though?
Probably a hyperbaric chamber.
We don't want that dog to age one single day.
She got some long arms.
She could probably play small forward for any WM.
Small forward.
That wingspan, though.
Small forward.
Oh!
You saw that, right?
I saw that.
Got the dogs out there.
Shock them, bro.
Shock them up.
Yo, that's the thing.
We can't have the same expectations for like normal human beings as for Turkish people.
Yeah.
They're the last ones to convert into humans.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, if you look at the evolutionary chart, like there is the one right before humans is Turkish.
It's ice cream man.
Super tricky.
There's some tricky.
Yes.
When he was trying to get the puppy, the guy was like, whoop.
And then he wouldn't give him the puppy at all.
This is nothing to do with the puppy's freedom.
Anytime you think about it.
Look, there's a Turk right there.
That's a Turk.
That's a Turkish people are.
Oh, no.
Tell me that they're not.
That's not FA.
Exactly.
They're one right before humans.
And some of them are like a human enough that we just go, all right, fine.
But that is that is them.
So you can't put these standards on them that are unfair.
They're doing their best.
Yo, FA gonna fuck you up.
I love that thing.
FA goes.
I love that.
FA is one more to the left.
FA might throw a spear through your head.
You gotta watch out.
FA just got thumbs.
Got fire recently.
He's the first person in his family line to have a thumb.
Did you know that?
It made history.
When he came out and he had a thumb, it was a celebration in his village.
Literally, the whole community came out of the trees.
And just like, yeah, you just got electricity.
You just discovered it.
He's excited.
And they need to put it on everything.
That's not a dog.
That's just a Turkish person.
It's not actually a dog.
Y'all thought this was a dog the whole time.
There's an ice cream man in that outfit every single day.
It's an ice cream man in the outfit.
It's not a real dog.
Leave him alone.
Oh, my God.
I'm sick and tired of it.
You are seven.
You're sick and seven of them.
Sick and seven about it.
Are we gonna be able to go to Istanbul for the comedy festival?
We need to.
We need to pull up.
We need to go to.
I saw a funny flyer.
Somebody, oh man, my bad forgetting who made this, but some made a flyer about comedians performing at the El Salvador Comedy Festival, like inside the C cot.
Those prison facilities that they put all the gang members in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Anyway, credit to you, whoever you were doing that.
My bad, I've heard.
Oh, God.
But, but, yeah, man, not everybody's a human.
What else we got, boys?
Come on.
You having fun.
Yo, you want to do this Civil War thing?
Yeah.
What's happening?
This is going viral on TikTok a little bit.
All right, let's say there's a civil war.
Splitting America In Civil War00:03:25
It breaks out in America.
This is how the countries are split up.
Okay.
Which side are you pulling for to win the Civil War?
F. You're not even a question.
I mean, I'm going to be honest with y'all.
F is the only one that.
Okay.
Okay, ready?
Here's this is a very important strategy right now.
If California in its entirety was in H, they have a chance.
They're missing San Diego.
San Diego is Fort Pembleton.
Oh, yeah.
That's the Marine base.
So California, without that, you're dead.
You know what I mean?
You're picking berries or whatever.
You're an avocado farmer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the biggest port.
Isn't that the most dense population though?
Where?
It's most people.
It's the most people.
Where's the Colorado, Utah?
They got people.
Nevada.
They got people, but they don't got.
They can't bang out.
Nevada's got all the areas.
They're from Utah and Nevada.
They got Area 51.
But that's for aliens.
They got them or they got the aliens.
F got Fort Hood, Fort Killeen.
F is mad guns.
Put Texas against any other country in the world and it wins.
Yeah, outside of Texas.
I think they also got Hawaii.
Texas versus France, who wins?
Oh, we fucked them up, France.
We fucked them up.
Texas.
They don't have F-15s.
France has fighter jets.
Who doesn't have F-15?
Lots Martin in Texas.
They have every single military group.
They got the engineers over there.
No, they have the bases.
We got to pull up.
Fort Killeen, Fort Hood.
It's a wrap.
It's a wrap.
They also have their own electrical grid, which fails a lot.
It is their own.
But it is their own.
California has the most military bases in the U.S.
Yeah, but take away Pembledon, the one that matters.
Not the fucking Canadian.
It's Navy.
Coast Guard.
Coast Guard.
Yeah, they're guarding the coast.
Texas got 14 bases, and the people are about that action.
They got guns.
They've been planning for this.
They've been waiting for this.
And we got the only other place that got Mexicans like us is H. Go back.
But they got to deal with the Hawaiians.
The Hawaiians are going to be there fucking it up.
The Hawaiians?
Yeah.
C.
It's C.
It's C. Why?
F got Hawaiians too.
That's my point, bro.
The Hawaiians, you got to coordinate with the Hawaiians.
C wins.
Yeah.
Why?
Absolutely.
Chicago.
Population density.
It doesn't have Chicago.
If it has Chicago, it's even better.
It's missing Chicago.
No, we got Obama.
Well, hold on.
There is a military base in North Carolina.
Also, all of Quantico and everything in DC, Virginia, all that shit's in the middle.
You can grow crops.
I'm not even going to let you run here.
You can grow crops.
Population density.
Yeah, dude.
You said Quantico, and there's nothing in theory.
But no, he actually might be right because North Carolina, I believe, has a major base.
That's where everybody goes to basic training now.
I'm not even thinking bases.
I'm thinking like you have the deepest ports.
You have three or four ports.
You have bases, bro.
This is going to be fought in the skies.
Fucking sunset.
How do you think we're going to win this war by electrocuting all the felines?
Texas has a power grid.
It has a power grid.
It has the military.
C also has all of the military schools.
What are you learning that shit?
How to be a soldier.
What the fuck are you doing?
No, you don't.
You got to learn how to subjugate Arabs.
Bro, I'm telling you, it's C. You got population density.
North Carolina Military Bases00:13:58
Son, it's F. What are we talking about?
F probably got it, bro.
F. I'm not gonna lie.
D might got some shit.
Yeah, you got all Georgia, Tennessee.
D might got Carolina.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Half of Kentucky, and then Florida.
You got mad Navy bases up there?
D might got some shit.
It ain't F.
I don't know about it.
I can't believe they're trying to cancel Hassan for mutilating a dog.
Free as son, bro.
I like him.
I like him too.
I'm obviously kidding.
If, yeah, if I didn't like him, shit.
Yeah, it'd be over for him, dude.
7-6 on that fucking grave.
7-6 on his grave.
I was 7'6, kill some shit before it even gets done.
That's what we do not know.
Once I turn 40, I'm killing all friends.
I love that.
Y'all young'in's not gonna have anything fun and cool.
No slang.
I'm gonna find it and I'm gonna squash it out.
I'm gonna dress like y'all and I'm gonna make you feel uncool about it.
Yeah, I'm on dad mode right now.
Uncle Shotzi.
Yo, 1738, we might need to bring back.
That was fire.
You gotta yell that when you nuts.
Yo, what's up with Felly Wop?
What's he just got out, right?
He's still locked up.
He got like five years for tax evasion.
Yeah, I think he's locked up still.
Do you just take the time?
Like, if you owe 20 million, do you just take the time?
No, I think you still have to pay it.
Get out of here.
I think so.
That's not fair.
That's yeah.
The punishment is for the crime.
Yeah, you shouldn't have to still pay for the crime after the punishment.
Joey, look that up.
I'm pretty sure you still got to pay.
Or they make like an arrangement where you pay a little bit less.
Oh, drug charges.
Drug charges, though.
Are you his PR agent?
Yeah, it was like tax fraud or something like that.
That's an oopsie days here on my part.
Oh, man.
The drug stuff.
Yeah.
So much money.
Why are you selling drugs?
It's crazy, right?
Don't tell me.
But I don't know how much he made.
He was hot for that one summer.
He ran the summer.
Oh, my God.
But he had like four bucks.
Unbelievable, dude.
What a fucking time to be alive.
That was a great year.
That was the last year I really understood what was happening in music games.
After that, it was just like, you know, I knew I got old.
I said to my cousin, I was like, I just don't get future.
And I was like, oh, it's over.
This is the oldest shit I've ever said in my life.
No, he is.
I just, I didn't get it.
And I was like, well, it's over.
That's fair.
It's over.
That's fair.
What's up with Drake's new shit?
Is he dropping?
Is he dropping?
I mean, the lawsuit got dropped.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's got dismissed.
So what does that mean?
Motherfucker lost every way you could lose.
Golly.
Golly.
That's what he said.
But here's the thing.
They proved that it's bots, though.
It is all bots.
But isn't that what he's listening to?
No, he was saying that the certified pedophile, all that shit was like unfair to say, and it harmed me.
It was like, but the judge was like, you literally said in your song, you talk about this.
It was in Joe Boe.
I thought that wasn't the allegation.
I thought that it was the record company was using that and promoting that song to defame him so that they could negotiate a more favorable deal for themselves.
So they use marketing tactics, payola, bots, third-party promotion, which we know to be true.
I think Kendrick lost like a billion streams when Spotify did their Spotify did their like replay.
I think he's still doing well.
I think even after he's still like, the song is still top 30, I think.
No, I'm sure, but like still, like a billion is not like a little amount.
A billion streams is.
So I think what I don't know if the legal case was this, but it's like Drake also benefited from those bots.
So I think what was the judge's?
Can we look up why the judge dismissed it?
And I think there was something else about the fact that they put a picture of his house and he's like, oh, you're putting me in danger or some shit like that.
And then they threw that out as well.
But didn't he also post a picture of his house?
Yeah, because that's why the judge threw it out.
It's like, yeah.
Your house is Google.
I don't know, man.
This is not like, I didn't think the lawsuit was a good look.
It was a horrible look.
I didn't think a lost world was it a good look?
Yeah, they said in a heated rap battle full of exaggeration that he means that a reasonable listener would view the lyrics as opinion/slash hyperbole, not literal fact.
How the judge knows more about rap than Drake.
The judge is like, hey, this is what a rap battle is, dude.
Who's this drug judge?
We need to look up this judge.
No, fire.
Also, you said in the song before that that Kendrick beat up his girl.
That's a pretty crazy claim.
Yeah.
So for all claims are false, you kicked it off.
Then Kendrick said some crazy shit about you, but you kicked it off.
And the song before that, you were like, talk about how I like young girls.
And then he talked about how you like young girls.
But it's more believable that Drake could have sex with an underage girl than Kendrick could beat up a human.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
No.
Just no.
All right.
No, we just got out of it.
We didn't have it.
There's 7-6.
Bro, but you're six.
Get the shot call.
Get the shot call.
Or in Kendrick's case.
Or in Kendrick's case, 5'6.
You're being generous.
All right.
But I don't know if this is the whole lawsuit because I thought there was also like the boss thing and then the defamation thing was separate.
So I'm not positive.
I thought it was.
What are you suing for?
Everybody.
So what are you saying?
Y'all used them more?
But way less.
But way less.
So if we do a bank robbery together and you walk out with more money, I'm going to be like, hey, arrest that guy.
He got more money than I did.
You should get longer in jail.
You should get longer in jail if you stole more.
Yeah.
But just what a stupid fucking lawsuit.
I think that's a great point, dude.
That is a good point, though.
If you stole more money, you should get more.
If I stole like $100, you should get more.
No, you're a fucking idiot.
That's the problem.
That's a good point, too.
You broke the law too.
You just did it like a fucking idiot.
Damn, bro.
That was harsh.
I know.
It is harsh.
I got to be harsh.
You were right.
You're right.
You also thought if Feddy Wobb gave back the money, he wouldn't go to jail.
I thought that.
I thought it was like, all right, you got me.
No, no, I get that.
No, if you go to jail for tax evasion, you shouldn't still owe the taxes.
Yeah, I looked at it.
What do you mean?
You got to do it.
If you rob a bank and they're like, give us some money back.
And then you're like, so we're good.
Son, that's how it worked in Saudi Arabia.
It did.
Like, when the MBS guy put all the family and all the rich people in the hotel, he put them all in the St. Region.
Was it St. Regents or put them all on the wrist?
He said, he said, yo, we looked at the books.
Y'all are stealing.
You give it back.
You go home.
No big deal.
The people who gave it back went home.
People didn't give it back.
They still on a nice little all-inclusive right now.
But that should be it.
It should be like, yo, IRS, it's up to you to catch me.
And if you don't catch me, then I'm good.
We didn't drive by the rits, and I was like, this is beautiful.
Why aren't we staying there?
It's busy.
Talmania 5 is happening.
Oh, man.
So I've been laughing at Miles' line for fucking six days.
I don't want to know what I said.
What do you say, man?
So when we get to the check-in or whatever, in Saudi Arabia, we land, we lose a guy.
Tom.
Oh, yeah.
Who is dressed bleach blonde hair?
He's wearing fucking leopard prince shoes.
I'm like, this guy's being real bold coming to Saudi Arabia.
And then we don't see him for like an hour.
And for whatever reason, they can't find our suitcases.
So after an hour, I go, have they found our suitcases yet?
And Miles goes, yeah, they're shoving Tom into our side.
I bet Tom.
I was a beggar.
Dang, shit.
I've been laughing at that for six days straight.
Oh, my God.
Best line of the trip.
You should have said that shit on stage, you coward.
You wouldn't have let me on stage.
Miles was gaslighting the shit out of Alex.
It was very funny.
What did I do now?
I don't remember anything.
Because Alex was like, I forgot Miles came.
Thank you.
I was like, how come they use the watermelon for like the Palestinian resistance?
Like, why do all the pro-Palestine people use the watermelon?
And Akaj was like, yeah, I think it's similar to the flag.
And they were like banning the flag.
Miles was like, no, man, it's one of their biggest exports.
And we're like, really?
He was like, yeah, the fact that they export a lot of watermelon, that's why the Middle Eastern people, you know, they use the watermelon and all their giving you hella watermelon juice all over the place, it seems like I don't think Palestine can export anything.
I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to.
I thought that's one of the biggest issues out there.
My man talking like a song got a dark color.
I didn't mean to say it was a no.
I'm sorry if I like fully cut off.
I don't accept your apology.
You were gaslighting all of this.
I didn't mean to gaslight you.
We all believed you.
No, it is a color thing, but it also is.
I think like I watched a TikTok on this.
It's a flag, bro.
That's the flounder.
No, Watch the TikTok.
We're going to explain it.
That the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Yeah.
Good boy.
Watermelon.
Good boy.
Thank you.
Hey, we're back.
You don't got to say that shit no more.
Nah, fuck that.
Prophet Mo, he ate watermelon to cool off in the heat.
So it's a common thing there.
They do water.
They have a ton of watermelon tradition.
I don't know why.
I don't even like Miles saying watermelons.
It does sound like there's some ER on it.
Yeah, right?
Which does sound like there's some ER.
Prophet Muhammad is reported to have eaten watermelon.
Did you guys see that clip of David Cross, Virgin Single David Cross, saying the M-word on the pop with Norman?
And then Norman's like, Are you going to cut that?
And he's like, No, it is the AH.
You can say it.
And Norman's like, I don't know if people feel comfortable like that.
And then he goes, No, you can.
You can say it with the AH.
He's never talked to a black person.
Of course.
Fucking David Cross, dude.
I remember somebody.
You got to get this clip up.
It's so good.
And Norman's looking out for him.
Normally, I don't know if you want that out there for you.
And he goes, No, if other people say it, you can say it, quoting, I don't believe.
I don't believe that.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Good luck, David Cross.
When that black guy shows up to your show one day, one day.
I'm going to have to deal.
You're going to have to answer for that.
One day, W. Kamal Bell will show up.
One day.
Are there white women there for him?
Oh, you're right.
My bad.
Yeah.
All the hip-hop guys were getting their, they would go visit this like old southern racist guy and his porter.
I think this is sketchy.
You know, Georgia or wherever.
And it was basically he would take, you know, their lyrics and he's like, oh, niggas ain't shit, but da-da-da, you know, whatever it is.
And then they would all sit there and listen and write it down.
And then he'd go, wow, that's hilarious.
Yeah, it was a great sketch.
It was a good idea.
It was a good idea.
You're going to bleep that N-word or what?
No, because it's the A.
It's the A-H.
Also, yeah, A-H.
Okay.
It's your show.
See, it's a show.
Wow.
I didn't even know there was an H. That's crazy.
Also, that sketch is wildly condescending toward black people and hip-hop.
Yeah.
I don't know the whole sketch, so I can't say.
But he was describing a sketch.
He wasn't saying, oh, this is what we say.
Just for context.
Also, hip-hop guys, you could just call them rappers, you white fuck.
He doesn't know.
Who's your favorite hip-hop guy?
He doesn't know black people.
Okay.
You have to forgive them.
What a fucking dweeb.
They don't know.
They don't know.
Is he black?
Who David Cross?
Yeah.
Yep.
He got a black beard.
He does.
He got a little Philly in it.
Yeah.
That's what I'm like, maybe.
He might have the pass.
Hey, we got a lot of comedy fans in this room.
What's your favorite David Cross bit?
Oh, there we go.
You alpha blood.
It is this motherfucker.
I'm alpha blood.
Don't go to Saudi Arabia.
I'm all about it now.
I'm all about it.
Everybody's getting it.
All the journalists.
Arrested Development was good.
He's a great actor.
He's hilarious.
Arrested Development.
Acting, great.
Stand up.
I can't think of a single bit.
I like the hamster movies.
Hamster movies, the chipmunks?
Is it chipmunks?
Chipmunks.
He's great, dude.
Anytime he's not being himself, he's awesome.
None of these motherfuckers that talk about comedy are funny.
Like, that's the number one.
Like, if people know you for your opinions about comedy and not your jokes, you're probably not funny.
Simple as that.
It's like, that's the sad thing.
Like, even Jeselnik now, it's like the only time you ever see anything about Jeselnik, he's like whining about comedy.
I've never heard him say a positive thing about another comic that's not himself.
Of course, but like, that's the only thing he can get attention for.
It's got to break his fucking heart.
Like, he used to be a big comic that, like, people would like his jokes.
Yeah.
And, I mean, if that's, if you're into that kind of thing.
No, but it's so brilliant because like no matter what the joke is, you're like, where is this going?
Oh, a baby died.
No, the baby gets AIDS.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Let me guess, Anthony.
Does the baby get AIDS?
25 years of that?
I didn't see it coming.
I can't believe it.
It's coming.
I can't believe his career isn't where it was.
He's a beautiful misdirect.
The baby got AIDS.
Did the baby get AIDS again?
That's brilliant.
That's art.
You know what?
Come on, Shannon.
Come on, Shannon.
That's art.
Maybe it doesn't work.
That's art.
That's art.
We've cured AIDS.
We need a disease that Anthony can use for his 20-minute misdirects.
My God, dude.
All we missing is the cognac.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm tired of these liberal fucking white folks telling me shit.
I'm done.
I'm done.
You're not doing it.
Y'all don't do shit for anybody.
Don't fucking judge me.
I'm done.
I ain't shit and you ain't either.
I'm tired.
Ah, Kosh.
Yeah, but you've at least got brown fans, so I can't even hate on you.