Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Trump Pod Aftermath: Media Spins, Canceled Special Taping and more…
Aired: 2024-10-16
Duration: 01:36:06


=== Trump Interview Reaction (14:40) ===

[00:00:00]  What's up, everybody?
[00:00:01]  Welcome to Flagrant.
[00:00:02]  Al is converted to MAGA.
[00:00:03]  Look at the pants.
[00:00:04]  He was such a grifter, bro.
[00:00:06]  He got a little love from the hunting community.
[00:00:08]  And now he's like, oh, okay, let me ride this shit out.
[00:00:11]  I'm trying to go to, was it, Honky Tonk Coachella?
[00:00:13]  What is that shit called?
[00:00:15]  Stagecoach.
[00:00:19]  Okay, obviously, we got to react to the Trump interview.
[00:00:22]  My reaction is Trump is winning by a landslide.
[00:00:26]  It's not close anymore.
[00:00:28]  Is that the energy, y'all?
[00:00:29]  You're a prisoner in the moment.
[00:00:30]  Yeah, you really are.
[00:00:31]  We know that about him.
[00:00:33]  We know that about him.
[00:00:34]  Before Trump came on, you're like, yeah, it can go either way.
[00:00:36]  It's very close.
[00:00:36]  No, before he came on, I was like, he don't got a chance.
[00:00:39]  I was like, he's coming on here.
[00:00:42]  He got to be down bad.
[00:00:44]  He got to be down.
[00:00:45]  I mean, no, we're the best.
[00:00:46]  Yeah.
[00:00:46]  He got to be down bad.
[00:00:48]  And then after the interview, obviously we saw the reaction.
[00:00:50]  And you got 20 or 25 text messages and you were like, this guy's winning.
[00:00:55]  Listen, it wasn't the 20 to 25 text messages.
[00:00:58]  Do you know what it was?
[00:00:58]  It was the looks on the street.
[00:01:00]  Oh, really?
[00:01:01]  The looks on the street I was getting.
[00:01:02]  It was like, you know, when like someone who's trying to sell you drugs, like they give you this like nod?
[00:01:07]  Like a person you don't know, like a person on the street.
[00:01:09]  Yeah.
[00:01:10]  Right?
[00:01:10]  They go, you would know.
[00:01:16]  Y'all have no colleagues by drugs in the street.
[00:01:19]  And I was like, I know that dog.
[00:01:21]  I used to give that to people all the time.
[00:01:23]  So they give you this nod, like, yo, yo, like, I got what you need.
[00:01:26]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:01:27]  That's all I've been getting for the last week.
[00:01:30]  What a different racial reality we live in.
[00:01:32]  Because I've been getting looks like.
[00:01:35]  Wow, that's so interesting.
[00:01:36]  So you guys have had a different reaction.
[00:01:37]  I had a 2,000 followers on Instagram.
[00:01:38]  Well, Arcash is dumb as we're doing the Patreon, and he's like, I've just been getting so much hate in the past couple hours.
[00:01:44]  And we're like, why?
[00:01:45]  He's like, well, I posted a picture of me endorsing Donald Trump.
[00:01:48]  I didn't endorse it.
[00:01:49]  I said the podcast episode was live.
[00:01:51]  You posted a selfie with him.
[00:01:58]  He couldn't believe that people were upset about it.
[00:02:00]  He had the thumbs up, but I was tempted to.
[00:02:04]  Just out of curiosity.
[00:02:05]  Because it's so fun next to him.
[00:02:06]  Hold on, hold on.
[00:02:07]  Just out of curiosity, you're surprised that there was a negative reaction to you posting a picture with the most divisive human being on the planet.
[00:02:14]  Smiling hand in hand.
[00:02:16]  He didn't post like a clip where he was asking a question or not.
[00:02:19]  You just did the fanboy pic.
[00:02:22]  Let's take a picture with Travis Scott.
[00:02:24]  It's Donald Trump.
[00:02:24]  You post a picture with Kamala.
[00:02:26]  No question.
[00:02:26]  Oh, don't do that, please.
[00:02:28]  Don't do the I Have Black Friends thing that every podcast is doing for the interview.
[00:02:33]  Friends?
[00:02:34]  Yeah.
[00:02:36]  I have one.
[00:02:36]  Work colleagues.
[00:02:38]  Yeah, I have one.
[00:02:38]  He's not in this room, but I have one.
[00:02:42]  No, no, no.
[00:02:42]  That is a thing that I noticed that like pods, and we're intentional at not doing this.
[00:02:46]  And there have been pods that like Caller Daddy tries to do a Kamala.
[00:02:50]  And what's it called?
[00:02:51]  And I think Busting of the Boys did it when they had Trump on.
[00:02:54]  Shout out to the Bust of the Boys.
[00:02:57]  But essentially, what you're trying to do is control the reaction.
[00:03:00]  So you're almost like apologizing before you start.
[00:03:03]  And that was one thing that we said we're not doing on it because there's nothing wrong with interviewing the Republican nominee for president who was already an ex-president.
[00:03:12]  We were posting a picture with him.
[00:03:13]  That's crazy.
[00:03:15]  That's crazy.
[00:03:16]  You're a big MAGA guy.
[00:03:17]  Glazed us.
[00:03:18]  Yeah.
[00:03:19]  You're a fascist fooling.
[00:03:21]  You really are.
[00:03:23]  I'm sorry.
[00:03:23]  I appreciate good comedy.
[00:03:24]  Yo, don't.
[00:03:25]  One was the student of the game here.
[00:03:28]  That's worse than Andrew's haircut for the past year.
[00:03:30]  I did have a really good one.
[00:03:32]  I did have a really good haircut.
[00:03:34]  It looks amazing.
[00:03:35]  Yo, thank you so much.
[00:03:36]  I appreciate it.
[00:03:36]  I was just about to shit on you.
[00:03:38]  I was about to shit on you.
[00:03:40]  I thought they're coming.
[00:03:40]  I felt it coming.
[00:03:41]  You just liked it.
[00:03:42]  I'm glad too.
[00:03:43]  Wow.
[00:03:44]  He dissed me and I had something locked and ready to go.
[00:03:47]  And then you just boom.
[00:03:48]  Podcast interview.
[00:03:48]  That was smart.
[00:03:51]  Honestly, Alex might win this election.
[00:03:54]  I believe in Alex.
[00:03:57]  Al was not happy.
[00:03:58]  When Trump called Alex bald, that was one of the most things in the podcast.
[00:04:02]  Yo, I got to bite myself to not say something.
[00:04:05]  In 30 seconds, Al had whispered under his breath, yo, your ear don't look shocked.
[00:04:11]  That was wild.
[00:04:12]  That was a ballsy thing.
[00:04:14]  I was shocked.
[00:04:15]  All Trump had to say was, You got great hair.
[00:04:18]  Why are you hiding it under that hat?
[00:04:20]  And Al would be like, His ear damn near blowing the fuck off.
[00:04:24]  When he gets shot with a bazooka, that's crazy.
[00:04:27]  He's even here or something.
[00:04:28]  Couch right now with that wound.
[00:04:30]  I was going to make a hair comment, but that would have ended the interview, right?
[00:04:34]  Mark was nice with his hair comment.
[00:04:36]  That was good.
[00:04:37]  I got one.
[00:04:38]  Yo, did you guys have any questions you want to ask him now?
[00:04:42]  I did have one.
[00:04:44]  You asked me.
[00:04:45]  They just sat there smelling him.
[00:04:47]  I wasn't.
[00:04:49]  I don't know.
[00:04:49]  Yeah, dude.
[00:04:50]  There's a amount of people that have asked me, like, yo, what did he smell like?
[00:04:53]  Yo, why?
[00:04:54]  Why is this?
[00:04:55]  Because they say, okay, every single person asked me to actually.
[00:04:59]  I'll get to ask that about you.
[00:05:02]  One of the liberal talking points that's knocking Trump right now is that he's apparently like shitting himself.
[00:05:07]  And it's like.
[00:05:09]  Okay, if that's a crime, lock me up.
[00:05:11]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:05:12]  Like, what are we talking about?
[00:05:13]  Yo, punch him in his stomach.
[00:05:15]  Punch him in his stomach.
[00:05:16]  We shit ourselves sometimes.
[00:05:18]  You can't shit yourself sometimes.
[00:05:20]  I mean, Mark.
[00:05:22]  What are you raising your hand for?
[00:05:23]  Shifting.
[00:05:24]  Solidarity?
[00:05:25]  You shit yourself?
[00:05:26]  Yeah, he shit himself too.
[00:05:27]  Yeah, if he eats three bites out of a hamburger, maybe.
[00:05:29]  Yeah, he can't.
[00:05:30]  He's already red.
[00:05:31]  You're in the table.
[00:05:31]  You should have shit yourself.
[00:05:33]  You shit himself all the time.
[00:05:34]  I shouldn't soilets.
[00:05:35]  No, no.
[00:05:36]  Listen, why has this become a poop conversation?
[00:05:38]  We're having high fire.
[00:05:39]  Sophisticated political talk.
[00:05:42]  The election is how many days away?
[00:05:44]  Three weeks or something like that.
[00:05:45]  Yeah.
[00:05:46]  Okay.
[00:05:46]  We got to have like, we got to be a serious podcast for the next three weeks.
[00:05:52]  Come on.
[00:05:53]  Come on.
[00:05:54]  That's funny.
[00:05:54]  Okay.
[00:05:55]  So, well, yeah, the poop thing.
[00:05:57]  That was one of the talking points that he's like shitting himself.
[00:05:59]  He doesn't smell bad at all.
[00:06:01]  Also, he's not 6'3.
[00:06:03]  He's shrinking.
[00:06:04]  Yeah.
[00:06:05]  So definitely not 6'3 ⁇ .
[00:06:07]  Okay.
[00:06:07]  Yeah.
[00:06:07]  100%.
[00:06:08]  What I will say is my dad is also 81 and he used to be 6'1, 6 feet, and he's shorter.
[00:06:14]  I'll also say that he does not have dementia or whatever the fuck they're saying.
[00:06:18]  He's sharp.
[00:06:19]  He's sharp and sharp.
[00:06:21]  And I have a father with dementia.
[00:06:22]  Like I, and I saw the signs 30 years ago with my dad.
[00:06:24]  Like, I know what maybe 20, 20 years ago.
[00:06:27]  Yeah.
[00:06:27]  So it's like, I am acutely aware of how they are and zero sign of that.
[00:06:33]  Not 6'3.
[00:06:35]  Yeah.
[00:06:35]  But also 80.
[00:06:36]  So it's like, you start to maybe lose a few inches.
[00:06:38]  Yeah.
[00:06:39]  But anyway, questions that you guys really want to ask?
[00:06:41]  Well, I was going to ask, hey, have you seen Shane Gillis's amazing impression of you?
[00:06:45]  Well, did you see Blessing with the Boys doing?
[00:06:49]  And he was like, I don't know who that is.
[00:06:50]  He's sick.
[00:06:51]  I don't like the impression.
[00:06:52]  He's seen that shit because they asked him.
[00:06:53]  They're like, do you know who Shane Gillis is?
[00:06:55]  He goes, no.
[00:06:56]  He's a million percent safe.
[00:06:57]  Yeah.
[00:06:57]  How do you not know?
[00:06:59]  And then they're like, oh, he does this amazing impression with you.
[00:07:01]  And he kind of takes me and he goes, I heard it's great.
[00:07:05]  I know it's great.
[00:07:06]  And then they move the fuck off.
[00:07:08]  I was going to ask him.
[00:07:10]  I was going to ask him about the impression because I wanted there to be like a cool moment where he goes, I've seen the impression.
[00:07:14]  It's the best impression.
[00:07:15]  It's great.
[00:07:15]  Blah, blah, blah.
[00:07:16]  He does like a Trump run on it.
[00:07:18]  And then that'd be like a funny moment.
[00:07:19]  And then I was asking his team, I was like, does he like impressions?
[00:07:22]  And this team was like, not a big fan of impressions.
[00:07:26]  Not a big fan.
[00:07:27]  So that's why stayed away.
[00:07:30]  He dodged it.
[00:07:31]  Yeah, literally.
[00:07:32]  Me and him both.
[00:07:33]  I'm always going to ask, have you ever talked shit about someone that regretted it later?
[00:07:37]  Oh.
[00:07:38]  That was one of the ways it talked about because on the call that he does with RFK after he gets shot, he tells him, he's like, yeah, Biden called me and he was so nice and friendly.
[00:07:46]  And I was just talking shit about him.
[00:07:47]  I felt so bad.
[00:07:48]  And it was like such a candid, honest moment.
[00:07:50]  I'm like, oh, he must do that all the time.
[00:07:51]  But didn't ask.
[00:07:52]  Yeah.
[00:07:53]  Just thought about my hair.
[00:07:53]  Just thought about a hundred questions I should have asked and then just sat there terrible.
[00:07:56]  Tricky.
[00:07:59]  I told you guys this, but like in retrospect, what I wish that I did was I knew things you want to ask at least one thing each, and then I lobbed it to you guys.
[00:08:08]  But keep in mind, in this situation, they say you have an hour.
[00:08:12]  You probably have around 45 minutes.
[00:08:14]  Yes.
[00:08:14]  We ended up going for an hour and a half because he was having a really fun time.
[00:08:17]  And he basically, his team was telling us we got to wrap it up.
[00:08:20]  And I would look at them and then I would just look away.
[00:08:22]  Yeah.
[00:08:22]  They weren't going to walk into the interview.
[00:08:25]  I had told Dove in the beginning of the thing, I go, Dove, we are going to keep going until Donald Trump tells us this interview is over.
[00:08:33]  Okay.
[00:08:33]  He is the man in charge.
[00:08:35]  Andy told us.
[00:08:36]  Dove is so smart.
[00:08:37]  He could have sat on the side with the Trump team.
[00:08:41]  Ah, right?
[00:08:43]  Okay.
[00:08:44]  Vala wants credit for that.
[00:08:45]  So Vala, Vala.
[00:08:46]  I was sitting with that.
[00:08:47]  Oh, you were sitting with that.
[00:08:48]  And Vala's texting me.
[00:08:49]  I'm ignoring him, too.
[00:08:51]  No, no, this is how sophisticated does it.
[00:08:53]  Watch this, watch this, watch, watch, watch.
[00:08:54]  He goes to the other side so they can't talk to him.
[00:08:57]  And then he does this.
[00:08:58]  Before we start, he goes, Everybody, put your phone on airplane mode.
[00:09:02]  Oh, I didn't pick it up in the beginning.
[00:09:05]  Right?
[00:09:06]  Genius.
[00:09:07]  Airplane mode is.
[00:09:08]  Oh, you were texting me?
[00:09:09]  I can't text him.
[00:09:10]  Wrap it up.
[00:09:12]  Wow.
[00:09:13]  I knew they were texting me.
[00:09:14]  Wow.
[00:09:14]  Shit out of me.
[00:09:15]  Love you guys, whoever was helping and supporting us.
[00:09:17]  Listen, we won the election for it.
[00:09:19]  You know, it is what it is.
[00:09:20]  If you want to have a nice interview with, you know, Alex Media is going to make sure you win the election.
[00:09:24]  You're such a sellout to your people, dude.
[00:09:26]  You're a sellout.
[00:09:27]  You saw you in a Kamala ad two days ago.
[00:09:29]  How did she use me in an ad?
[00:09:31]  You're shilling for the fucking liberals.
[00:09:33]  You know, they paid me 50 grand for that.
[00:09:34]  That's pretty good.
[00:09:35]  I got a licensing fee for that.
[00:09:36]  That's crazy.
[00:09:37]  $50,000.
[00:09:38]  That's awesome.
[00:09:39]  What are you going to do with that money?
[00:09:40]  What are you going to do with that?
[00:09:41]  I'm going to donate it to Donald J.
[00:09:46]  Now we're talking.
[00:09:48]  I'm donating it.
[00:09:50]  Go, go, go.
[00:09:50]  A couple things.
[00:09:51]  I was very glad I said this to you.
[00:09:53]  I was like, I'm glad Schultz is the one leading this because the day before you said a lot of things that were helpful.
[00:09:58]  One was about them telling us it's early.
[00:10:00]  They were like, they're going to try to end it early.
[00:10:02]  Nobody fucking look in their direction.
[00:10:05]  We are ignoring them.
[00:10:06]  Donald Trump tells us when it's over.
[00:10:07]  He's the guy in charge.
[00:10:08]  I listen to the president.
[00:10:09]  Yeah.
[00:10:11]  Exactly.
[00:10:12]  And I like the team.
[00:10:12]  Shout out their team.
[00:10:13]  Shout out to Alex and Jack.
[00:10:14]  Thank you very much.
[00:10:16]  I said it was 90% of the people are going to have their opinions formed before they listen to a second of the episode and you're not going to change their minds.
[00:10:21]  So don't worry about asking for everybody else.
[00:10:22]  Ask the questions you want to ask.
[00:10:24]  And I was really happy you said that.
[00:10:25]  That was really because the last thing you want to do is ask something that you don't believe in for somebody else and then have that also get rejected.
[00:10:32]  So now you're rejected for something you don't even believe in, which is the worst thing.
[00:10:35]  It's almost like on stage, if you're pandering.
[00:10:38]  Yeah.
[00:10:38]  And then the audience, you still bomb.
[00:10:41]  Yeah.
[00:10:41]  You're like, I double bomb.
[00:10:42]  And I use my fine eye time to ask questions I think they might want me to ask instead of questions I want to ask.
[00:10:46]  Ask the shit that you guys want to ask.
[00:10:47]  And it's still hard.
[00:10:48]  I wish you guys, it's just hard.
[00:10:49]  He can, he can go.
[00:10:50]  So you're trying so hard to get your question in.
[00:10:52]  And it's just, you know.
[00:10:54]  So, so he, we, we do the, we do the pod.
[00:10:56]  Pod comes out, right?
[00:10:57]  And obviously we're all like, you know, expecting, okay, what's going to be the reaction to this?
[00:11:01]  We knew it was a great pod, right?
[00:11:02]  Yeah.
[00:11:03]  Comes out, the reaction is like, reaction starts with the right.
[00:11:06]  The right fucking loves it.
[00:11:08]  They're like, finally, this is Donald Trump.
[00:11:10]  This is the personality.
[00:11:11]  This is someone who's got charisma.
[00:11:12]  He's making comedians laugh.
[00:11:14]  He's just hanging out talking.
[00:11:16]  And they're like, this is the best interview Trump has ever.
[00:11:19]  Every headline is the best interview Trump's ever done.
[00:11:21]  Whatever.
[00:11:22]  I expected that after it because I think we like kind of showed him as a man, right?
[00:11:27]  It wasn't like a gotcha type of interview.
[00:11:29]  It's not really our style.
[00:11:31]  And like, there was intention with that.
[00:11:32]  You know, I think a lot of people that do the gotcha interviews, I think it's very narcissistic.
[00:11:36]  It's for you.
[00:11:37]  It's just for you.
[00:11:38]  It's like not for the people.
[00:11:39]  Exactly.
[00:11:40]  Or it's for your fan base to just go, look at you.
[00:11:42]  You know held the torch to him.
[00:11:44]  But in my opinion, it's like you have an hour to potentially influence someone who might be the most powerful person in the world to have empathy for something you really care about.
[00:11:56]  And he's listening to you.
[00:11:57]  So, how can we create a situation where he actually listens and he doesn't feel bullied?
[00:12:02]  And like, there was a moment that you got him to say two things that he never said.
[00:12:06]  Like, a lot of like interviewers, they try to get him to say, to admit shit.
[00:12:11]  Yeah.
[00:12:11]  And I know he doesn't present as a tough guy because you see him with this like coffee hair and he's in a nice suit, but I think his identity is that of like a tough guy, like a macho guy.
[00:12:20]  He's a New York guy who grew up on construction sites.
[00:12:23]  He's like, be tough.
[00:12:25]  And when you try to bully someone tough, the reaction is, ah, fuck you, I'm not going to do it.
[00:12:30]  But he was so comfortable that he said, yeah, we're going to have elections.
[00:12:34]  It was the election question.
[00:12:35]  Of course, we're going to have elections.
[00:12:36]  And this is what I actually meant by it.
[00:12:37]  He never explains his positions, but he fucking explained it.
[00:12:40]  And I thought that was a testament to like us creating a really good environment and you even setting up the question in a way.
[00:12:45]  Thank you.
[00:12:46]  And yeah, I was just like, I was really proud that we got to a point where we could even have that back and forth about America.
[00:12:52]  Yeah.
[00:12:52]  You know, that was awesome.
[00:12:53]  Immigration, even like the IVF, obviously really important to me, but like I asked everything that I wanted to talk to the potential president about.
[00:13:04]  Yeah.
[00:13:04]  And you even got him to compliment Gavin Newsome's hair.
[00:13:08]  Yeah.
[00:13:08]  That is crazy.
[00:13:09]  Not on my list, but glad we accomplished it.
[00:13:13]  Guys, I got some stand-up shows coming up for the life tour.
[00:13:16]  These are the remaining shows of the life tour.
[00:13:19]  We are going to Denver.
[00:13:21]  We have added a third show there.
[00:13:23]  Also going to Cincinnati that weekend.
[00:13:24]  We had a second show there.
[00:13:25]  Rama, Ontario as well.
[00:13:27]  We're also going to be going to Salt Lake City.
[00:13:29]  We added a second show there.
[00:13:30]  Reno, we have two shows.
[00:13:32]  San Jose, we added a second show.
[00:13:34]  Excuse me.
[00:13:34]  Portland.
[00:13:35]  And then we are wrapping up the tour December 21st in Honolulu, Hawaii at the Blades, the Blidesdale Arena.
[00:13:43]  I'm probably pronouncing that wrong.
[00:13:44]  Anyway, thank you guys so much for coming out to the store.
[00:13:47]  It's been absolutely incredible.
[00:13:48]  TheandrewScholes.com for tickets.
[00:13:50]  Don't get by the resellers.
[00:13:52]  Go grab those.
[00:13:53]  I will see you out there.
[00:13:54]  Thank you so much.
[00:13:55]  Peace.
[00:13:56]  Also, guys, quick show announcement.
[00:13:58]  First of all, Stress Factory.
[00:14:00]  We did seven shows, sold them all out 10 days in advance.
[00:14:03]  Tried to add more.
[00:14:04]  We could not.
[00:14:05]  They have an event there on Sunday.
[00:14:06]  So if you are a procrastinating Indian, I'm sorry you're shit out of luck.
[00:14:10]  I even tried to add another weekend because I love you so much as brown people.
[00:14:13]  But my wife won't let me because I've been on the road, I think, nine weekends in a row at this point.
[00:14:17]  And that's just not happening anymore.
[00:14:19]  Anyway, October 25th and 26th, Richmond, Virginia.
[00:14:22]  November 1st and 2nd, Lexington, Kentucky.
[00:14:24]  That might be the home of the Klan, or maybe that's Louisville.
[00:14:27]  Either way, I would love for you guys to all show up.
[00:14:28]  Let's talk things out.
[00:14:29]  Let's see what our differences are.
[00:14:30]  Maybe we can make amends.
[00:14:32]  November 22nd and 23rd, Rochester, New York, December 4th, announcing this right now.
[00:14:36]  I'm coming to Long Island.
[00:14:37]  I've never headlined in Long Island.

=== Rochester Show Announcement (15:19) ===

[00:14:40]  I am mostly scared of you guys, but now that we interviewed Donald Trump, I feel like you're going to love me.
[00:14:45]  I'm one of the good ones.
[00:14:46]  So I will be at governors in Levitt Town.
[00:14:49]  Come through all those dates and more at Akashing.com.
[00:14:52]  Also, we're still doing our thing on fan bases, dropping content there.
[00:14:55]  So check that out as well.
[00:14:56]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:14:58]  So right loves it, right?
[00:15:00]  I'm waiting for the left fallout.
[00:15:02]  Yeah.
[00:15:02]  Right?
[00:15:02]  I'm like, okay, a day goes by, not really that bad.
[00:15:06]  Second day goes by, I see a headline.
[00:15:09]  Podcaster laughs in president's face.
[00:15:12]  And I'm like, huh, that's kind of interesting.
[00:15:14]  Because I thought they were going to be like, bros, you know, just suck Trump's dick for an hour and a half, whatever.
[00:15:20]  Then every headline is the podcast that laughs in the present, the podcast trolls the present.
[00:15:27]  And I'm looking at the internet and it's like, the right loves it, and the left loves it.
[00:15:32]  Yeah.
[00:15:33]  How's your own reality?
[00:15:34]  I'm like, what bizarre world do we fucking live in?
[00:15:36]  We're both sides.
[00:15:38]  And it was like you said in the beginning of this podcast here, it's just like you go in, you have the glasses on.
[00:15:44]  And your glasses are whatever your political beliefs are, your religious beliefs, whatever they are.
[00:15:48]  And you view that same content through those lenses.
[00:15:51]  And that's what you see.
[00:15:53]  Yeah.
[00:15:54]  And like it, I know this sounds like grandiose, but I don't mean it to be.
[00:15:58]  It changed the way I see media.
[00:16:03]  I used to think everybody was a liar trying to fluff their base.
[00:16:08]  Okay.
[00:16:09]  Now, the way I think media works is there are some people that are that are honest and they just view it through their lens.
[00:16:16]  If you're a right-wing guy that you like Trump and you really liked his charisma and you saw that come out, you're like, this is awesome.
[00:16:22]  If you're a left-wing guy, and you saw us laughing and joking around, you might interpret it as us making fun of him.
[00:16:30]  And that's truly what you see.
[00:16:32]  That's the first wave.
[00:16:34]  The second wave are the people that see those headlines and they grift.
[00:16:39]  They're like, ooh, Trump's best interview ever.
[00:16:41]  Okay, I'll make a video on why it's that.
[00:16:44]  And the left is like, ooh, they laughed in the president's face.
[00:16:48]  I'll make a video on that.
[00:16:49]  Every headline was copied by every content producer.
[00:16:55]  There were literally like two or three headlines total and everybody just made videos about it.
[00:16:59]  And this is just algo, algo hunting.
[00:17:03]  Okay, yeah.
[00:17:04]  I see what you said.
[00:17:04]  You know, like, what is that term?
[00:17:06]  Where you're like trying to find the algorithm?
[00:17:09]  Yeah.
[00:17:09]  Yeah.
[00:17:10]  And, but it helped me understand.
[00:17:12]  Like, I do think people authentically see things based on what they believe.
[00:17:15]  So I have a little bit more, I have a little less resentment for the public.
[00:17:19]  Okay.
[00:17:20]  For content creators.
[00:17:21]  Yeah.
[00:17:21]  At least the first wave.
[00:17:22]  The ones that just grift because they see the views, fuck them.
[00:17:25]  Yeah.
[00:17:25]  But the initial reaction, I go, okay, that was real.
[00:17:27]  You're not just trying to fluff your base.
[00:17:29]  It's a Rorschach.
[00:17:30]  You really see what you want to see.
[00:17:32]  And I think that applies to a lot of things.
[00:17:33]  Like, I feel like there's stuff I can even think of, like, you know, some social thing or like some guy says something about like, you know, class and then it's misinterpreted by a whole different contingent about race.
[00:17:43]  Yes.
[00:17:43]  It's like, well, I didn't mean it that way, but now I can see it if you're saying that.
[00:17:47]  That's what those people really see.
[00:17:49]  Yeah.
[00:17:49]  Someone being just like, I love, I love the cops.
[00:17:51]  And then black people interpret that like, oh, you're racist?
[00:17:54]  You love that those cops are racist.
[00:17:55]  You love that those cops beat us up.
[00:17:57]  You're like, no, no, no, I love that they like keeping up.
[00:17:58]  But if you understand the black people's relationship with cops, then all of a sudden it can make complete sense.
[00:18:02]  And those are the glasses everyone wears all the time.
[00:18:04]  And the person that says, I love the cops hasn't experienced maybe the treatment that some of his black friends have gone through.
[00:18:10]  And if he did experience that, he might go, the cops have always really protected me and I have a great relationship with them.
[00:18:16]  And for that, I'm really grateful.
[00:18:17]  And I've seen some fucked up situations with cops as well.
[00:18:20]  But if you're only in your little echo chamber, you don't have the, I guess, experience to talk about that.
[00:18:26]  Yeah.
[00:18:26]  Back to your point.
[00:18:28]  Where is the level of grift?
[00:18:31]  And I truly feel that way.
[00:18:33]  Where does it start or where does it end?
[00:18:35]  Because that's a thing I can't identify.
[00:18:37]  Yeah, I feel a little more cynical than you guys do.
[00:18:38]  I know that happens, what you're saying.
[00:18:40]  But I think a lot of people are feeding their bases what they think they want to hear.
[00:18:45]  And that's the people writing the headlines.
[00:18:48]  I don't know how many, I think I tend to think the majority of them are, how do I get my, how do I appease the people that subscribe and keep them subscribed?
[00:18:55]  I think it's, if you make content, you're making it a little bit grifty.
[00:18:59]  And it's like, you're just telling people how to feel.
[00:19:02]  So I agree with you.
[00:19:04]  I think that, and we've had this discussion before where like the algorithm, never in history were you able to know exactly what your base wanted as as well as you know now.
[00:19:16]  Right.
[00:19:16]  Because the algorithm can decide for you.
[00:19:19]  Yeah.
[00:19:19]  So oftentimes like the algorithm dictates the content you make.
[00:19:23]  We've talked about this on the pod before, right?
[00:19:25]  And you see certain like grifty fucks on the internet that basically like, oh, okay, my base like likes this.
[00:19:29]  I'm just going to feed them that.
[00:19:31]  And I think that like we've been very intentional about creating the shit that we like.
[00:19:35]  And hopefully we get an audience that reflects the things that we like.
[00:19:38]  That means we might get half a million views on an episode with Dax that is like awesome.
[00:19:43]  I loved.
[00:19:43]  And we might get 4 million on an episode with Donald Trump.
[00:19:46]  But that's just what it is.
[00:19:47]  But I think there are people that have less integrity or they just want to just make the videos that make the most money and they're just going to run after it.
[00:19:54]  You are also a little bit privileged to be in a position where all of us have another income stream.
[00:19:57]  Yes.
[00:19:58]  So we can kind of afford to do this.
[00:19:59]  Whereas some people, you have a page, your audience wants this one thing.
[00:20:04]  I can only feed them this because I don't have another income stream to fall back on.
[00:20:08]  So we are in a little bit privileged position.
[00:20:10]  But even, I'm not even lying.
[00:20:11]  Part of me was intentional in posting.
[00:20:13]  I didn't think I would get that much blowback.
[00:20:15]  But the picture with Trump, I was like, yeah, a couple thousand might unfollow.
[00:20:18]  I want those people gone.
[00:20:19]  And if we were lucky enough to have a Democratic nominee, I would post a picture with them.
[00:20:23]  I want the right-wing idiots to unfollow too.
[00:20:25]  Y'all can go.
[00:20:26]  Y'all can all go.
[00:20:27]  I would like to curate an audience that's like, let's hear what someone has to say.
[00:20:30]  I just want MAGA.
[00:20:32]  I'm MAGA all the way.
[00:20:34]  I'm a prisoner of the moment.
[00:20:35]  And right now, I will be a prisoner of that for the next 25 days.
[00:20:38]  When is the election?
[00:20:39]  Yeah.
[00:20:40]  I didn't want to ask him a question about policy.
[00:20:41]  It was more so about like, how does he truly feel?
[00:20:44]  Because like in the 90s, early 2000s, he was loved.
[00:20:47]  Like before he got into politics, everybody, both sides loved him.
[00:20:51]  And so I just wanted to ask him, like, now that you got into politics and you have, you know, large groups of people deeming him as either racist or next Hitler and all that, how does that make you feel?
[00:21:02]  That's what I wanted.
[00:21:03]  Yeah, I really wish he had.
[00:21:03]  I wish we had three hours.
[00:21:04]  Yeah.
[00:21:05]  Because like, I would love to know that reaction.
[00:21:08]  And I'd love to know that reaction an hour and a half into the pod when he was comfortable.
[00:21:12]  There was even a moment in the pod, like nobody picked up on it, but where I think I asked him, I was like, how does it feel when these people say things about you that you don't believe are true?
[00:21:20]  And he goes, yeah, I don't like it or it hurts.
[00:21:22]  It bothers me.
[00:21:24]  He goes, it bothers me.
[00:21:26]  You're bothered by anything?
[00:21:27]  Have you ever heard Trump admit that anything bothered him?
[00:21:29]  Yeah.
[00:21:30]  But it makes me wonder though.
[00:21:31]  Like, again, he's lived a fascinating life.
[00:21:33]  Like, objectively, we were trying to talk about this.
[00:21:35]  Like, who's lived a more interesting life than him?
[00:21:37]  But he's like best friends with Oprah all through like the 80s and 90s.
[00:21:40]  They can run together.
[00:21:41]  She jokes around.
[00:21:42]  Like, we should run for president.
[00:21:43]  Him and Howard Stern are boys and they're hanging out doing radio together.
[00:21:47]  And then all of these people turn their backs on him.
[00:21:49]  They're like, this guy's going to destroy the country.
[00:21:50]  He's a racist piece of shit.
[00:21:52]  I wonder if they'll, yeah, like to that idea.
[00:21:54]  Like, I wonder if it bothers him.
[00:21:55]  I think it does.
[00:21:56]  Like to that, I think what politics does is for most people, it brings out what you believe to be the best version of yourself.
[00:22:08]  In other words, what is the most altruistic version of me?
[00:22:13]  And I want that represented in politics.
[00:22:16]  Now, some people think that that is to be staunchly Republican.
[00:22:18]  Some people believe it's staunchly Democratic, right?
[00:22:22]  But it's not indicative of who you know you actually are because you want your politician to be the best version of you, but you lose all nuance in that.
[00:22:32]  You know, and I think that's why you get a guy like Stern who's told crazy jokes and has had everybody on his pod.
[00:22:39]  And like he's got, you know, strippers, you know, sitting on speakers and coming during the radio.
[00:22:44]  And now he's like, I think that this guy is a piece of shit.
[00:22:47]  He's a dirtbag.
[00:22:48]  And how could anybody support him?
[00:22:50]  And it's like, okay, because when it comes to politics, that's not fun.
[00:22:54]  You know, the stakes are too high.
[00:22:56]  So I have empathy for his position too.
[00:22:59]  Yeah.
[00:22:59]  Yeah.
[00:22:59]  Like, I don't, I don't write people off immediately like I did.
[00:23:03]  And now that I know that it's not all, how can I grift off of this moment?
[00:23:07]  That people are actually impacted, especially when it comes to politics, I go, okay, maybe you're not being an asshole.
[00:23:16]  This is what you think the best version of the world is, and you're going to support that.
[00:23:22]  Yeah.
[00:23:22]  Yeah.
[00:23:23]  I mean, so yeah.
[00:23:25]  So it was an awesome interview and everybody loved it.
[00:23:27]  And then a day later, Dove was like, oh, by the way, the venue, you're going to shoot your special and canceled your shows.
[00:23:32]  No, damn it.
[00:23:33]  I don't.
[00:23:36]  Within three hours.
[00:23:39]  After we interviewed him, before the episode comes out, he goes to the venue.
[00:23:44]  Everybody leaves.
[00:23:45]  It's on Schultz's special team.
[00:23:47]  All of them have to go to the venue, check it out.
[00:23:49]  I assume everything is good.
[00:23:50]  People flew in for this.
[00:23:52]  Oh, yeah.
[00:23:52]  So, this, we've had these venues locked in for months now, month, something like that.
[00:23:56]  Like, it's not like we might do it here.
[00:23:59]  It's booked.
[00:23:59]  It's ready to go.
[00:24:00]  We're going on sale this week.
[00:24:01]  Like, we have the entire production team come out for the this is for the third time many of us are spotting the venue and looking at everything.
[00:24:10]  We have the set design already curated.
[00:24:13]  We're moving around seating plots, camera, like it's ready to go.
[00:24:16]  We're going on sale this week.
[00:24:18]  And we get an email three and a half hours out after discussing with our board members.
[00:24:23]  We don't think that it would be, there's an email.
[00:24:25]  You'll bring it up, but don't show any emails off.
[00:24:28]  But it was a BAM, Brooklyn Academy of Music, which is a venue they've shot tons of specials in.
[00:24:33]  And three and a half hours after the interview, they cancel shows.
[00:24:37]  So, yeah, let's see if we can show the thing.
[00:24:41]  Read the exact email because they're also there, they're canceling my shows, but they're also begging Live Nation to not cancel future shows with them.
[00:24:50]  Like they still want business, but they're like, just not this guy.
[00:24:53]  Now, I don't know if it's a Trump interview, but the day before it came out, we were ready to go and we're going on sale this week.
[00:25:00]  And three and a half hours afterwards, we get this email.
[00:25:04]  First off, I want to thank you for thinking of BAM for Andrew Schultz's upcoming comedy show.
[00:25:08]  We are always excited when promoters consider our space for their events.
[00:25:11]  After some internal discussions with leadership, it was decided that BAM is not the right fit for this show at this time.
[00:25:18]  That said, we really do appreciate you reaching out.
[00:25:20]  We'd love to work with you in the future and for future events that might be a better match for BAM.
[00:25:29]  So, if anybody has a venue, if you've got a venue for us, that'd be really great.
[00:25:33]  I'd really love to shoot this special.
[00:25:35]  And that'd be really awesome.
[00:25:36]  The irony is this is your most personal special.
[00:25:39]  Yes, yes, yes.
[00:25:40]  It's not as political as that.
[00:25:41]  It's you and your journey.
[00:25:43]  Yeah, but also what's interesting about it is that, again, they canceled it three hours after the interview came out.
[00:25:49]  So, before the liberal media spun it in liberals' favor.
[00:25:54]  So, if they waited two days, they get the hero of the liberals.
[00:25:59]  You just got to send him.
[00:26:00]  I laughed in his face.
[00:26:01]  Like, you guys don't understand.
[00:26:03]  Fuck them.
[00:26:04]  Fuck them and fuck them forever.
[00:26:05]  Yeah, that's crazy.
[00:26:06]  You got to come to Queens, man.
[00:26:07]  Brooklyn.
[00:26:08]  It's no good.
[00:26:09]  Yeah, Staten Island.
[00:26:11]  I think there's a theater in Staten Island.
[00:26:13]  I didn't know that you guys were solved.
[00:26:14]  There is one.
[00:26:14]  St. George Theater.
[00:26:15]  We're looking at it.
[00:26:15]  There you go.
[00:26:16]  That's what you need.
[00:26:16]  You need something union, something Fireman goes to.
[00:26:18]  You know what I mean?
[00:26:21]  Ladder 50, Staten Island.
[00:26:22]  Where are y'all?
[00:26:22]  Where are y'all?
[00:26:23]  I just add something to that just because I know I had to, I pitched what the hour was about in order to like just discuss them, get them all on the same team.
[00:26:32]  There were fans of, like, so touched by what it's about, you know, people that know, know.
[00:26:38]  And so I'm like, it's not like they don't think that this particular hour is going to work for them.
[00:26:43]  This felt, this felt personal.
[00:26:45]  Yeah.
[00:26:46]  But they never specified, though.
[00:26:48]  And again, I can't say for sure that this is what it is.
[00:26:51]  But before it came out, it was fine.
[00:26:54]  Maybe after it came out, they familiarized themselves with me and then saw other things that they didn't like.
[00:26:59]  That's also a possibility.
[00:27:01]  But haircut.
[00:27:02]  It might have been that.
[00:27:03]  I was thinking of.
[00:27:06]  Did I do that?
[00:27:07]  Fucking dink glitch.
[00:27:09]  It's fucking glitch's fault.
[00:27:11]  Yeah.
[00:27:12]  So now what?
[00:27:13]  You're supposed to record this, what, did November?
[00:27:15]  We were supposed to record it in a month.
[00:27:18]  This is, yeah.
[00:27:19]  Nice.
[00:27:20]  There's a bit of wrench thrown in things.
[00:27:22]  Yeah.
[00:27:22]  I don't know.
[00:27:23]  But yeah.
[00:27:24]  You have any places in mind that you want to say out loud?
[00:27:27]  I mean, we've been looking nonstop.
[00:27:28]  And the tricky thing, I guess, why this is, maybe this is too much inside baseball, but like most venues are booked like months in advance.
[00:27:35]  Yeah.
[00:27:35]  So now you're dealing with like limited avails, but like, so we might have to do it, you know, during a weekday.
[00:27:41]  You know, it might be a little bit more inconvenient.
[00:27:43]  Hopefully, everybody still comes out.
[00:27:45]  That'd be really awesome.
[00:27:46]  We can buy tickets very quickly because usually these are on sale for months and months.
[00:27:49]  And we're going to have a short window.
[00:27:51]  Yeah.
[00:27:51]  And also, because Andrew likes to change the seating plan in every venue he does.
[00:27:55]  But we also have to get approvals by the city that just make everything harder.
[00:27:59]  So if you happen to own a beautiful theater in New York City or tri-state area and you would like to open your doors to us.
[00:28:06]  Magic!
[00:28:07]  No, no, no.
[00:28:09]  We don't endorse that.
[00:28:10]  We don't endorse that.
[00:28:11]  Listen, I'm a, you know, what is it?
[00:28:14]  My vote was up for grabs.
[00:28:16]  Yeah.
[00:28:17]  The board of BAM is really pushed me in the direction.
[00:28:20]  We have to stop this.
[00:28:21]  We do have an invitation at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to give us.
[00:28:24]  I've shooted it there.
[00:28:26]  Hasn't there been enough shootings?
[00:28:31]  Long Island, I think, is your move.
[00:28:32]  That's the move.
[00:28:33]  Yeah.
[00:28:33]  Long Island.
[00:28:34]  Yes.
[00:28:34]  They're going to have plenty of love for you.
[00:28:37]  Now, what if we just get Kamala on and then they'll have you back?
[00:28:40]  We would love to have Kamala on.
[00:28:41]  There you go.
[00:28:42]  You have to.
[00:28:42]  We reached out to her team and they're not really enthusiastic.
[00:28:46]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:28:46]  They don't listen to the show.
[00:28:48]  I don't know why.
[00:28:49]  What?
[00:28:49]  Unless he was a patron.
[00:28:51]  What do you mean?
[00:28:53]  Point is, the president is going to be chosen in a few weeks and the line is changing.
[00:28:56]  Yeah.
[00:28:57]  Looks like it's its favorite trompito for victory right now, but you can obviously put your bread up.
[00:29:02]  You know, steak is a place that you can, you can gamble on sports, obviously.
[00:29:06]  But I think we got something more important to sports right now.
[00:29:09]  Yeah, we do.
[00:29:10]  We have the fate of the free world.
[00:29:11]  Yep.
[00:29:11]  And you can bet on it.
[00:29:13]  Why not?
[00:29:13]  How wild is that?
[00:29:14]  It's crazy.
[00:29:15]  You can bet on the fate of the free world.
[00:29:17]  It's really crazy.
[00:29:18]  Yeah, it is.
[00:29:18]  It's really the only way you can make money no matter who gets elected.
[00:29:21]  Yeah, that is true.
[00:29:22]  That is true.
[00:29:23]  That is true.
[00:29:24]  Yeah.
[00:29:24]  I mean, I guess there's some people who think they're going to make a lot more money if Kamala wins or if Trump wins, but you, you're all wrong.
[00:29:30]  The individual.
[00:29:31]  This is how you make money.
[00:29:32]  This is how you profit.
[00:29:34]  This is how the real working class can make money off an election.
[00:29:38]  Usually, you're completely forgotten.
[00:29:40]  You're a tool, a cog in the machine, but not when it comes to gambling on the president.
[00:29:45]  It's a power.
[00:29:46]  It sounds even crazy to say it, but Stake is the leader in global betting and U.S. social casinos.
[00:29:51]  Bet on top sports and political events like our fucking presidency and use the promo code Flagrant for your welcome bonus.

=== Making Money Regardless (15:29) ===

[00:30:00]  Now it's time to get back to the show.
[00:30:02]  We have more to discuss the fate of the free world.
[00:30:05]  What do you guys think is going to happen?
[00:30:06]  Have you felt any change in energy?
[00:30:09]  Yeah.
[00:30:10]  I felt a big change in energy toward Trump, and it's not even just our interview.
[00:30:15]  I just feel like the enthusiasm that Kamala had, and this goes back and forth, but right now, the enthusiasm Kamala had seems like it's done.
[00:30:21]  And we're going to take all the credit for it.
[00:30:23]  But yeah, it does happen around election time.
[00:30:25]  But have you also noticed that kind of?
[00:30:27]  And what do you think that that is indicative of?
[00:30:30]  Like what happened?
[00:30:31]  Yeah, I think it's partially Trump doing like a big media blitz where he's just being himself and then Kamala not doing an amazing media run.
[00:30:38]  Like I think it's, to be honest, more her sort of missteps, like the 60 Minutes thing, I don't think worked out well.
[00:30:44]  The Call Her Daddy thing, I don't think worked out well.
[00:30:46]  And I don't think it's Alex's fault necessarily.
[00:30:49]  I don't think it's anything she did.
[00:30:50]  I just think the nature of the show and how Kamala handled the questions.
[00:30:53]  I just don't think it played well in her favor.
[00:30:55]  Yeah.
[00:30:57]  I thought she was good on Call of Her Day.
[00:30:58]  I thought she was more thoughtful than I thought.
[00:31:00]  I actually thought she was pretty good.
[00:31:01]  I think we're just used to Trump.
[00:31:03]  It's been such a long time of us seeing him say the wildest act crazy.
[00:31:08]  And now it's just like, all right, we're desensitized to the madness of what this used to be.
[00:31:15]  Yeah, I also think weirdly, she's better off the cuff than when it feels very scripting.
[00:31:20]  The Oprah thing, if someone comes in my house, they're getting shot the fuck up.
[00:31:24]  That's fine.
[00:31:25]  I like that.
[00:31:25]  That's what we need.
[00:31:27]  The debate.
[00:31:28]  We all said it.
[00:31:28]  She destroyed him.
[00:31:31]  Like, she's better off the cuff.
[00:31:32]  And when it feels like, I don't know if they're team or what, but when she tries to be very curated, specific, planned out an event, it doesn't seem to go as well.
[00:31:40]  Let her go.
[00:31:40]  I'm very curious to see her go on Fox.
[00:31:42]  I think she goes on tomorrow, I believe.
[00:31:44]  Yeah, that's that's gonna be interesting because really good move.
[00:31:47]  You know, she's gonna be attacked, and how she handles that is gonna be very telling.
[00:31:51]  I think, and I was talking to Charlamagne about this.
[00:31:53]  I think that she's better when she's being attacked.
[00:31:57]  I was just gonna say that.
[00:31:58]  I'm thinking about her job.
[00:31:59]  Yeah, so prosecutors.
[00:32:00]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:32:01]  Go on that, go on that.
[00:32:02]  If your job is arguing with people, if somebody's attacking you, part of your job, you don't get to be DA by being bad at arguing and being bad in the courtroom.
[00:32:11]  Indian woman, did I call that she was in the debate?
[00:32:16]  Yeah, you did.
[00:32:17]  I was just racist enough to know.
[00:32:18]  Got that job.
[00:32:20]  Nice fucking question.
[00:32:21]  You can't handle it.
[00:32:22]  Trump melted.
[00:32:23]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:32:24]  I live with that.
[00:32:28]  You know, it's so funny.
[00:32:29]  It's happening in real time.
[00:32:29]  You watch it like, oh, you fell for it.
[00:32:32]  I felt for this for seven years.
[00:32:33]  I know.
[00:32:34]  I know these tricks.
[00:32:35]  I know these tricks.
[00:32:37]  But yeah, I think she can argue.
[00:32:38]  I think that's part of her position.
[00:32:40]  So when you attack, she just goes into instincts, which is, this is my job.
[00:32:44]  This is what I've done for decades now.
[00:32:45]  Here's your counter argument.
[00:32:46]  Let's go.
[00:32:47]  There's a there, there's a moment.
[00:32:52]  Well, not even a moment, but like I've watched some of the interviews that she did.
[00:32:55]  I mean, she did, what is the guy's name?
[00:32:57]  Colbert.
[00:32:58]  Then she did, there was the 60 Minutes.
[00:33:01]  And she did call her daddy.
[00:33:03]  And I think the unfortunate thing about a lot of these spaces, and then she even, I think, did the view a little bit as well.
[00:33:08]  Yeah.
[00:33:09]  And then, yeah, I didn't see much of the stern, but I think the unfortunate thing for her is what?
[00:33:14]  Well, just the idea of her on Stern back in the day.
[00:33:16]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:33:17]  Sit on that speaker, would you?
[00:33:21]  She would win.
[00:33:22]  She would win for sure.
[00:33:23]  Back in the day.
[00:33:25]  Let me show you my whoopee Goldberg.
[00:33:28]  Yo, that skit was crazy.
[00:33:31]  Well, when Stern had black faces.
[00:33:33]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:33:34]  Yeah.
[00:33:34]  Anywho.
[00:33:35]  Dropped a couple of miles.
[00:33:37]  Wait, was he saying it?
[00:33:39]  Oh, he was dropping hard on it?
[00:33:40]  Yeah.
[00:33:40]  Oh, wow.
[00:33:41]  Wow, boy.
[00:33:41]  He committed a bit.
[00:33:42]  Yeah, he did.
[00:33:43]  Anywho.
[00:33:43]  I thought he was talking about his hair.
[00:33:46]  I think what basically happens is I think when you're set up in an interview that's basically been curated so you win, all you're thinking about is losing.
[00:33:56]  Oh, interesting.
[00:33:57]  Right?
[00:33:57]  It's like the questions are predetermined, and you know that Colbert's looking at you and he wants you to be great and he wants his audience to love you and they're fluffing you up.
[00:34:04]  She's not used to this, right?
[00:34:06]  She's a woman of color that comes up in the fucking justice system.
[00:34:12]  Like she's a lawyer.
[00:34:14]  She's used to like arguing and fighting with people.
[00:34:17]  Being underestimated, fighting odds, like having to go up a hill.
[00:34:21]  Like this is probably all new to her and all uncomfortable.
[00:34:25]  And maybe you don't even trust it.
[00:34:26]  Maybe you're just like, nah, some about this don't feel right because it's not what I've experienced again for decades.
[00:34:31]  We're not making excuses.
[00:34:32]  Like you got to do better.
[00:34:33]  Yeah.
[00:34:34]  Like you got to win.
[00:34:35]  Like you should be able to take these puff piece interviews and then you should be able to dunk them home.
[00:34:40]  That is the idea.
[00:34:41]  She doesn't do well in them.
[00:34:43]  And she does do well when there's some conflict, which is why I think the Fox thing is good.
[00:34:47]  But I was telling Charlamagne because Charlamagne's interviewing her.
[00:34:49]  We're recording this Tuesday.
[00:34:50]  He's interviewing her today.
[00:34:51]  And I'm like, yo, you might have to fight with her a little bit.
[00:34:54]  Like, I think that energy is actually better for her.
[00:34:58]  And verbally, verbally.
[00:35:01]  I mean, if she dodges a punch or two and then snacks Charlamagne, that might be her presidency.
[00:35:05]  But I think the issue is: yeah, she doesn't do well when she's being supported.
[00:35:11]  She hasn't been supported ever publicly.
[00:35:13]  Like, think about it.
[00:35:14]  As long as she's been on the national stage, everybody has shit on her.
[00:35:17]  When she's running for president, shit on her, right?
[00:35:20]  Like the last, I mean, during the Biden presidency, shit on her.
[00:35:24]  I don't think she knows how to be loved publicly.
[00:35:27]  And then all of a sudden, three months ago, we're all like, oh, she's awesome.
[00:35:31]  And she's probably like, what?
[00:35:33]  None of y'all like me before.
[00:35:34]  Fuck all of you.
[00:35:35]  Because in the interviews, she does have this energy of, let me not fuck this up.
[00:35:39]  What was that answer again?
[00:35:41]  It seems like she's searching for the idea that she's supposed to say, and then she fucks up questions that she should have a dialed-in answer for.
[00:35:49]  Yeah, like pretty easy questions.
[00:35:52]  It's hard to have a dialed-in answer when you just got put in this position three months ago.
[00:35:57]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[00:35:58]  I mean, no excuse.
[00:36:00]  Like, you either want to be president or not.
[00:36:01]  Don't run.
[00:36:02]  Then don't run.
[00:36:03]  You can't seize the moment.
[00:36:04]  She kind of didn't.
[00:36:07]  Nah, she wanted.
[00:36:08]  She's in politics for a reason.
[00:36:09]  They all want it.
[00:36:10]  But be honest, if you were running for president, you would want everyone to hate you.
[00:36:12]  She also, right?
[00:36:13]  Sorry, let me clear up.
[00:36:15]  No, let's clear up one more thing.
[00:36:16]  She ran six years ago.
[00:36:18]  Did you not have a plan six years ago when you actually ran, announced loss to Biden?
[00:36:22]  Did you not have any?
[00:36:23]  There's nothing from that you can reach for.
[00:36:25]  I mean, like, oh, yeah, I remember that.
[00:36:26]  That's that's what I wanted for America six years ago.
[00:36:29]  Has it transformed so radically?
[00:36:31]  Not even six, four years ago.
[00:36:33]  Has it transferred?
[00:36:33]  No, it was pandemic when she ran.
[00:36:36]  But a lot of the stuff she ran on, they are like crucifying her for it now, like cracking and all that stuff.
[00:36:42]  Then you got to talk about it.
[00:36:44]  I mean, she kind of just switched her position off.
[00:36:46]  Yeah, she and she got a shit on Biden and she's scared to shit on Biden, which is so crazy.
[00:36:50]  Was there anything you would have done different?
[00:36:51]  Nope.
[00:36:51]  Nope.
[00:36:52]  That's a that's what explains if you are going to say no, explain why.
[00:36:57]  Don't just say no and sit there.
[00:36:59]  Yeah.
[00:36:59]  So she's fumbling these interviews.
[00:37:02]  This is my take on it.
[00:37:05]  This is my take on it.
[00:37:06]  Somebody gets you to that position.
[00:37:07]  You got to shit on it.
[00:37:10]  There's a way to do it.
[00:37:11]  And again, as a way to do it.
[00:37:12]  If you're running for president, if you're running for president, you should know the way to do it.
[00:37:17]  You guys are sitting there, hopefully, for hours a day saying, How do we answer this question?
[00:37:21]  Because it is the number one question on everybody's mind.
[00:37:24]  That guy's dead.
[00:37:24]  That's a dead guy.
[00:37:26]  That's what I would say.
[00:37:26]  I think in practice, she probably has the answer queued up.
[00:37:29]  And then I think she's just too, like you guys pointed out.
[00:37:31]  It's like, she's too afraid to fail.
[00:37:33]  Really?
[00:37:34]  What are you like?
[00:37:35]  This is it.
[00:37:36]  No, I'm agreeing with you.
[00:37:38]  Everybody hits the shots in practice.
[00:37:40]  Yeah.
[00:37:42]  But the superstars are decided by who hits it in the game.
[00:37:44]  I know.
[00:37:45]  I'm just giving her a little crap.
[00:37:47]  I know what you think.
[00:37:47]  Why can't I give a little crate?
[00:37:49]  The worst sports analyst of all time.
[00:37:51]  Give him a little crap.
[00:37:52]  In practice, this guy's so good.
[00:37:53]  He's one of the best guys.
[00:37:56]  Yo, that's why I'm voting for him.
[00:37:58]  Bronny just got to the league.
[00:38:00]  So fucking Lana Del Rey's husband.
[00:38:06]  That's a great wrestler.
[00:38:08]  That's a deep cup.
[00:38:09]  I like that.
[00:38:10]  I need a picture to get a shot.
[00:38:11]  She married a crocodile.
[00:38:14]  Oh, okay.
[00:38:14]  Okay.
[00:38:15]  Oh, dude.
[00:38:16]  Huge news in the Magasphere.
[00:38:18]  We've all been.
[00:38:20]  This is awesome.
[00:38:21]  Lana Del Rey, the singer-songwriter, super famous.
[00:38:25]  Almost as famous as Chappelle Rohn.
[00:38:28]  Chappell, whatever her name is.
[00:38:31]  A-J-T-T-O-G-O.
[00:38:34]  I got that shit.
[00:38:35]  I've never not gotten it.
[00:38:38]  There's a new one of these guys.
[00:38:40]  I thought he died with a stingray.
[00:38:41]  No, he didn't.
[00:38:43]  He's an actual occupational.
[00:38:45]  He's not.
[00:38:46]  He doesn't have a TV show where he says Crikey.
[00:38:50]  You think it's like a title?
[00:38:51]  Yeah.
[00:38:51]  Like Crocodile Hunter.
[00:38:52]  Oh, his job is just like he hunts crack about.
[00:38:55]  Yeah.
[00:38:55]  Why would she marry this guy?
[00:38:57]  Holy God.
[00:38:58]  That's what we're all asking.
[00:38:58]  Oh, that's a big man.
[00:39:01]  I'm just getting caught up to speed.
[00:39:02]  Sorry.
[00:39:03]  When you see him in the fatigues, but when he puts on the suit, he looks nice.
[00:39:07]  David Carr.
[00:39:08]  Hey, yeah.
[00:39:09]  All right.
[00:39:09]  Let's go.
[00:39:10]  Okay.
[00:39:11]  So, so, real quick.
[00:39:14]  So, real quick, I do think that assessing the energy, the shift that we've seen, I think a little bit.
[00:39:20]  There's another observation I've had.
[00:39:23]  And I think it's there's a lot of Trump supporters in liberal cities that are terrified of like being outed as a Trump supporter, right?
[00:39:34]  Like in New York, there's a lot of people who support Trump that will never let you know.
[00:39:37]  They're really quiet about it.
[00:39:39]  It's like on some fight club shit.
[00:39:41]  I don't know about Fight Club.
[00:39:43]  And then, if you go, yo, I'm going to Fight Club, you're like, all right, Fight Club's kind of fire.
[00:39:46]  I go there a lot.
[00:39:47]  And what happened is when Biden was running, he was so decrepit that they got to pretend that they were supporting Trump because it was the best thing for the country.
[00:39:58]  I don't like the guy, but you know, this Biden is so old.
[00:40:01]  I can't possibly vote for him.
[00:40:02]  So they like masqueraded as the lesser of two evils.
[00:40:07]  Went deep down.
[00:40:08]  They always liked Trump, but they were just worried what their coworkers would say, et cetera.
[00:40:12]  Right?
[00:40:13]  Not me at all.
[00:40:16]  So, so what happened is when Kamala comes in, there's this huge media push and there's all this positive energy and they get terrified.
[00:40:23]  They go back in the closet.
[00:40:24]  They're like, fuck.
[00:40:25]  Oh, yeah, I guess she's really good.
[00:40:27]  And we'll see what happens in the election.
[00:40:28]  But they never stop supporting Trump.
[00:40:30]  She does a few interviews that are not the greatest.
[00:40:34]  And then Trump does a few interviews that are really fun.
[00:40:39]  And I think all of a sudden they got a little bit more bold.
[00:40:42]  Then they started giving Kamala the Biden treatment.
[00:40:44]  Like, she can't even answer a question.
[00:40:46]  She doesn't even know what she's doing out there.
[00:40:48]  Like, I think unfortunately, we'll have to go for Trump.
[00:40:52]  But they were never not voting for Trump.
[00:40:54]  Yeah.
[00:40:54]  You know what I mean?
[00:40:55]  Not me.
[00:40:57]  It sounds like John just said.
[00:40:58]  Where'd you find this?
[00:41:00]  I'm searching for the man in the mirror.
[00:41:04]  Searching for?
[00:41:04]  I'm looking at the man at the man.
[00:41:06]  Yeah, what's in your mirror?
[00:41:07]  Are you a fucking vampire?
[00:41:10]  Where is the hell is supposed to be?
[00:41:13]  Where are you found?
[00:41:14]  Speaking of which, can we share the story that Trump told me, presidential orders that I had to tell you guys?
[00:41:18]  Oh, yes, please.
[00:41:19]  This is awesome.
[00:41:20]  Tell us.
[00:41:20]  Well, this is technically the first part of the story was told to you by someone else.
[00:41:24]  Oh, yes, please.
[00:41:25]  But you should tell it.
[00:41:26]  What story?
[00:41:26]  Because I have no clue what you're talking about.
[00:41:27]  What are you talking about?
[00:41:28]  I'm about to have the other three milligrams of this in right now.
[00:41:31]  When Michael Jackson was living in Trump Tower, I was like, why do you hold like your Winston Churchill?
[00:41:35]  Like, you have this stogie.
[00:41:37]  He's just like waving around.
[00:41:39]  So that's fire.
[00:41:40]  Holding it between your fingers.
[00:41:43]  That's fire.
[00:41:44]  No, you just put your gumdoke.
[00:41:46]  You just, yeah, you just gotta let this person.
[00:41:48]  That's how you actually.
[00:41:51]  Every drop, you're just gonna jolt right to the bridge.
[00:41:54]  Okay, go.
[00:41:55]  No, you were telling us that this guy named him.
[00:41:57]  Michael Jackson lived next door to him.
[00:41:59]  Yeah.
[00:41:59]  And in Trump Tower.
[00:42:00]  And like, he would like come over and like play like video games with the kids.
[00:42:05]  You know, Don Jr., I was doing research.
[00:42:06]  I was asking as many people I knew that were close to him to just give me like personal stories.
[00:42:11]  And Don told a story about they were playing the, remember the Ninja Turtles game for Nintendo?
[00:42:16]  You probably remember.
[00:42:17]  You might be old enough to remember.
[00:42:19]  There was a Nintendo.
[00:42:20]  It was like two of the arcade game or something like that.
[00:42:21]  It was fire.
[00:42:22]  But they also had it for Nintendo.
[00:42:24]  And like Don Jr. would tell me like that they never got, they had to work for anything that they got, or it was a Christmas present.
[00:42:31]  But that was like the rule in the Trump family.
[00:42:34]  And they had saved up and they got this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle game.
[00:42:36]  And they were playing it.
[00:42:37]  And it was the coolest fucking game.
[00:42:39]  And him and Eric are playing it.
[00:42:40]  And then Michael would come over and he was like, Michael's just kind of like a kid.
[00:42:42]  And he would play some.
[00:42:44]  You guys playing games.
[00:42:46]  So then he would play video games with them.
[00:42:47]  Right.
[00:42:48]  And, you know, and Trump is just there like, yeah, he's never done anything weird.
[00:42:52]  And he was playing.
[00:42:54]  And Michael's like, this is the greatest game ever.
[00:42:56]  I've never, oh my God, what an amazing game.
[00:42:58]  Did you say teenage?
[00:43:00]  Of course he went like that.
[00:43:02]  And Don Dodd said that Trump walked in the room and was like, Michael, you like the game?
[00:43:06]  And he's like, yeah, it's the best game ever.
[00:43:08]  And Trump goes, take it.
[00:43:10]  And what any adult would do is go, I can't take it from these kids.
[00:43:14]  Michael went, thank you, Donald.
[00:43:17]  It just stopped.
[00:43:19]  So we were talking to Trump afterwards.
[00:43:21]  We asked him, what was it like living next to Michael?
[00:43:24]  Yeah.
[00:43:24]  And then he goes.
[00:43:25]  And he was like, oh, it was amazing.
[00:43:26]  He was the best guy ever.
[00:43:27]  So sweet.
[00:43:28]  But that Pepsi commercial really, like, you know, really kind of changed who he was fundamentally.
[00:43:32]  And we go, what?
[00:43:33]  And then he's like, I completely forget about this one.
[00:43:36]  And then Trump locked eyes with me and goes, you know, the Pepsi story.
[00:43:39]  And I was like, yes, sir.
[00:43:41]  I was like, I had attention.
[00:43:42]  I was like, whatever you need.
[00:43:43]  Mark was like negative eight years old.
[00:43:46]  He has no fucking clue what he does.
[00:43:47]  He looks at me and goes, special orders from the president.
[00:43:50]  Tell these guys the Pepsi story.
[00:43:52]  And then Trump drifted away.
[00:43:53]  And I felt such a pressure for the past week and a half just to share this with you guys.
[00:43:57]  He basically said that like.
[00:43:58]  So what's the Pepsi story?
[00:43:59]  I forgot to look it up.
[00:44:00]  It's weighing on me, though.
[00:44:02]  Wow.
[00:44:02]  No, 1986.
[00:44:03]  Michael Jackson does.
[00:44:04]  Another commercial for Pepsi.
[00:44:06]  Commercial number two.
[00:44:06]  Professor Gagnon in the building.
[00:44:08]  Let's go.
[00:44:08]  And a firework goes off, burns his head, second-degree burns.
[00:44:11]  Apparently, according to the article I read, due to the Jerry Curl cream that he was using at the time.
[00:44:15]  Oh, they blame him, huh?
[00:44:16]  Yeah, right?
[00:44:17]  They don't fucking firework.
[00:44:18]  Oh, what was he wearing?
[00:44:20]  Always with fucking ethanol in his head.
[00:44:21]  He's kind of black.
[00:44:24]  He's black at the time.
[00:44:25]  He was black at the time.
[00:44:26]  Yeah.
[00:44:27]  This is apparently the thing that he's trans at the time.
[00:44:29]  Apparently, apparently, which also, this is a debate we need to have.
[00:44:32]  Me and Alex were talking about this, which Michael made better music, white or black, but we'll get to that later.
[00:44:36]  Basically, hair catches on fire, second-degree burns.
[00:44:39]  Him and his brothers, they put it all out.
[00:44:41]  You can see Dove.
[00:44:43]  He's just listening to the story.
[00:44:44]  He's like, see, sometimes the missiles go to the wrong place.
[00:44:48]  See, sometimes there's oopsie-daises all over the dirt.
[00:44:50]  Yeah, why did he answer the beamers opposed to his head?
[00:44:52]  Anyway, he catches on fire.
[00:44:54]  They put it out.
[00:44:55]  And then he gets treatment.
[00:44:56]  Do you know what that does?
[00:44:57]  They put it out.
[00:44:58]  They put it out.
[00:45:00]  Okay, go on.
[00:45:02]  They put out the fire.
[00:45:03]  It was from that.
[00:45:03]  They don't videotape it in HD and all over from the injury and then was put on drugs from that.
[00:45:09]  And then he never shook the drug addiction.
[00:45:10]  And then it also affected his self-image, which then caused him to get a ton of surgeries, which ultimately led to his death.
[00:45:15]  I had no clue.
[00:45:17]  I did not know the last time I had it.
[00:45:18]  Mr. President, I fulfilled my duty.
[00:45:21]  But you knew that you knew that he had hit, but I didn't know that there were these super severe burns on his back.
[00:45:27]  I had a Jackson Fine movie.

=== Whoop Sleep Struggles (04:19) ===

[00:45:29]  Yeah.
[00:45:29]  I know.
[00:45:30]  You watch that every year.
[00:45:31]  The series.
[00:45:33]  No, I didn't watch that movie.
[00:45:34]  Alex, did you watch that?
[00:45:35]  Yes, I did.
[00:45:36]  Come on.
[00:45:37]  I didn't know that it really affected his self-image, and that's where the surgery started coming from.
[00:45:41]  I didn't know that.
[00:45:43]  That's not true.
[00:45:43]  Like, he was already doing surgeries before that, but it fucked up his hair and he cared about his hair a lot.
[00:45:49]  Right.
[00:45:49]  He's a performer and shit.
[00:45:50]  So, of course.
[00:45:52]  Damn, I thought we got like an inside take.
[00:45:55]  No, maybe the drug started during that time.
[00:45:58]  Back to be real.
[00:45:59]  We don't know when the drug started.
[00:46:01]  Got it.
[00:46:02]  But no one finds it a little weird that Michael Jackson's hanging out alone with his two younger people.
[00:46:08]  But we didn't know.
[00:46:09]  I'm not even like, I remember that Ninja Turtles game that came out like that.
[00:46:12]  Why he finds that weird?
[00:46:14]  Well, here's the thing.
[00:46:14]  Hey, grown man, come hang and play video games.
[00:46:17]  But don't you know?
[00:46:20]  30 years ago, we didn't think that like now we're like keenly aware that there's pedophiles like way more than we thought they were when we were younger.
[00:46:28]  30 years ago, and this is also before any accusations.
[00:46:31]  I remember that game coming out.
[00:46:32]  I was in like first, second grade.
[00:46:33]  But what do you think that Don Jr. and Eric are thinking right now that they weren't chosen?
[00:46:39]  It's because their father protected them.
[00:46:40]  He took the disc, was like, go fucking.
[00:46:42]  Don't ever come back.
[00:46:43]  He said, play these games at your crib.
[00:46:45]  Yeah, never come back.
[00:46:47]  And Don's like, where's my game?
[00:46:48]  And his dad's like, I just saved your life.
[00:46:50]  You have no idea what I just did for you.
[00:46:51]  I saved your life.
[00:46:53]  You almost saw a different turtle.
[00:46:54]  Watch out.
[00:46:56]  Turtle power.
[00:46:57]  All right, guys.
[00:46:58]  Listen, we've been having our whoop competition.
[00:47:00]  Okay.
[00:47:01]  Can we find out who's winning the whoop competition?
[00:47:03]  Yes.
[00:47:04]  Not you, Mark.
[00:47:04]  You slept.
[00:47:05]  From 1:41 a.m. to 6.03 last night.
[00:47:08]  I did?
[00:47:09]  Wait, I went to sleep at 1.41?
[00:47:11]  Yeah, and you got up at 6.03 this morning.
[00:47:14]  Your baby gets up at 6.
[00:47:15]  You said that, right?
[00:47:15]  Yeah, but how'd you know I got up at 1?
[00:47:17]  No, I didn't.
[00:47:18]  I got up at 4.15.
[00:47:20]  Oh, I see the spike where you did get up.
[00:47:21]  It looks like you got a little more.
[00:47:22]  Let me tell you something.
[00:47:23]  These women have a baby.
[00:47:24]  They think they're the only ones that could sleep again.
[00:47:29]  I tried to complain to my wife and our baby nurse this morning.
[00:47:32]  I was like, man, I didn't get any sleep.
[00:47:33]  I woke up at like, I woke up at four in the morning.
[00:47:36]  And then my wife's initial response to that was, I woke up at six and you were passed the fuck out.
[00:47:47]  I woke up at 6.30.
[00:47:48]  You were past the fuck out.
[00:47:49]  I was like, I think I must have slept until like 6.15 or something like that.
[00:47:52]  Or no, went, but I don't know what the fucking timing was.
[00:47:55]  Well, that was a cool story, man.
[00:47:59]  There it is.
[00:48:02]  Nice.
[00:48:03]  I'm trying to deliver straight heat for this whoop segment, but I don't have it.
[00:48:06]  I don't have it because my recovery is low.
[00:48:08]  Super low.
[00:48:09]  My recovery is low.
[00:48:10]  Mark is winning with a baby.
[00:48:11]  That's crazy.
[00:48:12]  Something's off, Phil.
[00:48:13]  I'm at five hours a night the last three nights, which is a step up for me.
[00:48:16]  What are you going with?
[00:48:17]  What do you think you're going to do differently?
[00:48:19]  I just sleep in now.
[00:48:20]  If I got shit in the morning, I'm missing it.
[00:48:23]  Really?
[00:48:23]  Because I'll wake up at like four in the morning or whatever.
[00:48:25]  And before I'd just be like, all right, well, I'll just get up at like 7.30 and do work.
[00:48:28]  And I'm like, nah, I'm sleeping.
[00:48:29]  If I fall asleep at 7, I'm out till 10.
[00:48:31]  Who cares?
[00:48:32]  I think you should do that.
[00:48:33]  Yeah.
[00:48:33]  I think you should do that.
[00:48:34]  Yeah.
[00:48:34]  Your energy seems higher, I will say.
[00:48:37]  Yeah.
[00:48:37]  You're just nocturnal.
[00:48:38]  You're not insomniac.
[00:48:39]  You're just not.
[00:48:40]  You're fully, you're supposed to sleep during the day.
[00:48:42]  Yeah, maybe.
[00:48:42]  Maybe you're right.
[00:48:43]  Maybe you're right.
[00:48:44]  Yeah, you're like, fucking green, green whoop scores.
[00:48:47]  You drive me crazy.
[00:48:48]  Yeah, 185 heart rate variability.
[00:48:50]  Which apparently is good.
[00:48:51]  That's insane.
[00:48:53]  How do you have such low stress in your life?
[00:48:55]  Heart rate variability is directly linked to stress.
[00:48:57]  The higher the number, the less distress.
[00:48:59]  I was at 37 with no babies.
[00:49:01]  What the fuck is that going on?
[00:49:03]  I don't know.
[00:49:04]  I'm not complaining ever again.
[00:49:06]  Here's the reality.
[00:49:07]  I am going to stop.
[00:49:09]  I'm obviously doing sober October, but I'm really going to sober up around the last week and beat you guys the whole month.
[00:49:14]  Come back like tortoise in the hair type of thing.
[00:49:15]  Thank you.
[00:49:16]  Thank you.
[00:49:17]  My plan is to continue sleeping shitty and just really throw whoop for a loop.
[00:49:20]  You know what I mean?
[00:49:21]  Yo, are you going to throw whoop for a loop?
[00:49:22]  I'm throwing whoop for a loop.
[00:49:23]  Yeah, I kind of like whoop.
[00:49:25]  Yeah.
[00:49:25]  It's great.
[00:49:26]  You know who, dude, bitches love whoop.
[00:49:29]  I remember I like tried to get the bartender's attention once.
[00:49:32]  I was like going to not drink.
[00:49:33]  And I was like trying to, and then you just put her mouth over your whole fist.
[00:49:36]  Dude, she swallowed it up to the whoop.
[00:49:38]  No way.
[00:49:38]  Yeah, like a bass.
[00:49:39]  Yeah.
[00:49:40]  Like she just, you're a showdown.
[00:49:42]  I could take it out of her mouth.
[00:49:44]  I was like, Mark Scram, I wish you did it this far.

=== Sober October Plan (06:01) ===

[00:49:48]  Sorry.
[00:49:48]  Join.whoop.com.
[00:49:51]  Join.whoop.com.
[00:49:55]  Chat.
[00:49:56]  Join.whoop.com slash flagrant.
[00:49:59]  Yeah.
[00:49:59]  Join.whoop.com slash flagrant.
[00:50:02]  You'll get a gift basket if you sign up.
[00:50:04]  Gift basket.
[00:50:05]  They got a kit.
[00:50:06]  Don't you want a gift basket?
[00:50:07]  Don't you want a gift basket?
[00:50:10]  Dead ass.
[00:50:11]  Listen, outside of getting your health back, outside of measuring your HRV, one letter away from something you never want to have to pay.
[00:50:22]  You will get out of that basket.
[00:50:24]  For real.
[00:50:25]  Yeah.
[00:50:25]  Okay.
[00:50:26]  But we got to get back to the pod.
[00:50:28]  All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
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[00:51:54]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:51:55]  Anyway, so Christopher Columbus is a Jew.
[00:51:58]  Yeah.
[00:51:58]  Isn't that so convenient?
[00:52:00]  Thank God.
[00:52:00]  I've fixed that this is Russian election interference.
[00:52:03]  A million percent.
[00:52:04]  It's also exonerating white people.
[00:52:06]  Take us to Canada.
[00:52:06]  I'm saying why?
[00:52:08]  Because it's basically stoking racial feelings in America.
[00:52:11]  There's already animosity between Americans with, you know, just like Christian Americans that support Israel and then obviously Jews in America that support Israel.
[00:52:19]  And then you have Palestinian Americans, Arab Americans, black Americans that don't like Israel and therefore that turns an anti- You could just say white people versus non-white people.
[00:52:27]  The whites versus the losers, all right?
[00:52:29]  And it's become a whole fucking thing.
[00:52:30]  Yeah, right?
[00:52:31]  Wow.
[00:52:31]  It's a big proxy war, huh?
[00:52:33]  Exactly.
[00:52:33]  So Russia benefits from there being dissent in the United States.
[00:52:36]  So what do they do?
[00:52:37]  They publish an article on Columbus Day.
[00:52:38]  Hey, Christopher Columbus actually isn't white.
[00:52:40]  He's a Jew, exonerating white people.
[00:52:42]  So now I don't want to blame that about Native Americans because it was really Christopher Columbus, the Jews that did it.
[00:52:47]  Yeah.
[00:52:47]  The Jews did Native Americans.
[00:52:49]  Before I had to feel bad about what Christopher Columbus did to the Native Americans.
[00:52:53]  And it fucking killed me.
[00:52:55]  Yeah.
[00:52:55]  You were losing sleep.
[00:52:56]  I would lose sleep.
[00:52:57]  You had a dream catcher over your fucking bed just to catch all the sleep you were losing.
[00:53:02]  Is that too far enough?
[00:53:04]  After what you did to these people?
[00:53:05]  You know what?
[00:53:06]  We're so sorry.
[00:53:06]  I'm actually mad that we used to celebrate them and now it's Indigenous Day.
[00:53:10]  I was like, oh, wow.
[00:53:12]  I haven't made that transition.
[00:53:13]  Do you call it Indigenous Day?
[00:53:14]  I'd never cared about the day.
[00:53:16]  As soon as I graduated and it stopped being a holiday, I didn't give a fuck about the day.
[00:53:19]  It never mattered to me.
[00:53:21]  You like those days.
[00:53:22]  We haven't got holidays off here in a long time.
[00:53:27]  Labor Day relax.
[00:53:30]  Thanksgiving and Christmas.
[00:53:31]  That's about it.
[00:53:32]  I mean, we just did a show in Columbus, Ohio.
[00:53:34]  It wasn't Indigenous Ohio.
[00:53:36]  You know what I mean?
[00:53:38]  I feel like Columbus Day is still alive and well.
[00:53:41]  The District of Columbia.
[00:53:42]  That's facts.
[00:53:43]  They got to change that.
[00:53:44]  Good point.
[00:53:45]  Yeah.
[00:53:45]  The District of English.
[00:53:50]  Do the Jews run Washington, D.C. I've heard.
[00:53:54]  It's named after a famous Jew.
[00:53:57]  Apec?
[00:53:58]  A famous Jew.
[00:54:00]  Y'all are really crazy, dude.
[00:54:02]  One of the most famous Jews ever.
[00:54:04]  What the fuck?
[00:54:05]  That's crazy.
[00:54:06]  Here in the States, nobody wants to claim Christopher Columbus, but in Europe, everybody's fighting.
[00:54:11]  He was Italian.
[00:54:12]  He was from Spain.
[00:54:15]  But that is actually the battle.
[00:54:17]  It's between the Italians and the Spaniards.
[00:54:19]  We're just like, kind of makes sense because Sephardic Jews are from, I'm literally from 45 minutes from the 19th century.
[00:54:26]  Cut this, cut this.
[00:54:28]  I was way outside Sun and Leppen.
[00:54:31]  Can you cut this from the whole episode?
[00:54:34]  And then can you take this part and then just light it on fire and send me a video?
[00:54:39]  Thank you very much.
[00:54:41]  Okay.
[00:54:42]  Christopher Columbus apparently was sailing west to find riches.
[00:54:48]  Did you check out?
[00:54:50]  No, I thought he was very Jewish of him.
[00:54:52]  I thought he was going to kill Native Americans, but it turns out he was looking for gold.
[00:54:56]  I got you guys.
[00:54:57]  This is pretty Jewish.
[00:54:58]  You know what?
[00:54:59]  I don't want to add to this conspiracy, but 1491 is the Spanish Inquisition, right?
[00:55:04]  They kick all the Jews out of Spain.
[00:55:07]  Some say that they took all of their money and that's why they were able to go on these extravagant trips around the world to explore.
[00:55:13]  But another way of framing it is, hey, if you're going to be a Jew and you're going to stay here, you're going to go find another way to get to India so we can get these spices.
[00:55:22]  You better go.
[00:55:24]  So maybe he was like a prisoner of the monarchy and he was punished with this trip to India.
[00:55:32]  I just looked it up.
[00:55:32]  Isabel and Ferdinand also Jews.
[00:55:34]  So they're all Jews.
[00:55:35]  Bounds, yep.
[00:55:36]  Isabel and Ferdinand, you're talking about the king and queen of Spain that sent them over there.
[00:55:41]  Everyone's Jews.
[00:55:42]  Are they really?
[00:55:43]  That was corner that Candace Owens' Twitter that I was just doesn't make it easier, though.

=== Historical Jewish Connections (08:04) ===

[00:55:50]  Like, it is like there's so many variables in life.
[00:55:53]  And if you could just distill them down to one, right?
[00:55:56]  Like, it just makes anything inconvenient to you.
[00:55:59]  You know, the glasses you were talking about before?
[00:56:00]  The world?
[00:56:01]  It just the Jews did it.
[00:56:02]  Like, put it on.
[00:56:03]  Jesus, I will die for your sins, guys.
[00:56:05]  Just keep on throwing it at us.
[00:56:07]  Another Jew never ends with you guys.
[00:56:10]  It really doesn't.
[00:56:12]  It really, really doesn't.
[00:56:13]  Okay.
[00:56:13]  Anything else?
[00:56:14]  Anything else we guys learned?
[00:56:15]  You guys learned?
[00:56:16]  Anything else you want to reflect on?
[00:56:18]  Who do you think wins the election?
[00:56:20]  I think Trump might have it.
[00:56:22]  He's wow.
[00:56:23]  Like, I know polls are shit, but he's doing better in polls now than he did in 2016 and 2020.
[00:56:28]  And he tends to overperform relative to polling on election day.
[00:56:32]  That's a good point.
[00:56:32]  That's a good point.
[00:56:33]  Now, some states, apparently, like Wisconsin had last time they had Trump winning by like 16, 17 points, and then I'm pretty sure he lost it or barely won it in 2020.
[00:56:41]  But so I guess polling is off on both sides, but it does.
[00:56:44]  The energy right now feels like it's toward Trump.
[00:56:46]  I'm not even just Kamala.
[00:56:47]  Needs to do more fun podcasts.
[00:56:49]  Like this.
[00:56:50]  She tries to do Call of Duty.
[00:56:51]  What is it called?
[00:56:52]  Call of Duty.
[00:56:53]  What is it?
[00:56:53]  Caller Duty.
[00:56:54]  It's called Modern Warfare Call of Duty.
[00:56:57]  Call her Duty.
[00:56:58]  She can't have the name of the podcast.
[00:57:00]  Call her daddy.
[00:57:01]  Call her daddy.
[00:57:04]  She tried to do Caller Daddy.
[00:57:06]  Yeah.
[00:57:07]  And have a good conversation.
[00:57:10]  Yo, she should have asked her about the gluck.
[00:57:12]  That's the good life.
[00:57:15]  Yeah.
[00:57:15]  And that is a lesson that everybody.
[00:57:17]  Oh, my president is sucking dick, though.
[00:57:19]  Yo, Doug M. Hoff, her husband.
[00:57:24]  Another one.
[00:57:27]  He found an Indian.
[00:57:32]  Okay, but we got to tell him, like, if she does get elected, ain't no sucking.
[00:57:36]  Like, I'm not going to have my president sucking during.
[00:57:38]  You know what I mean?
[00:57:38]  If I'm married, I'm not getting it.
[00:57:40]  No, I want her to set the example.
[00:57:42]  You want your wife to know, hey, you can be president.
[00:57:44]  You suck another.
[00:57:45]  You know what I mean?
[00:57:46]  I got to like that.
[00:57:48]  Because then we get to go to our girls.
[00:57:50]  Like, yo, come on.
[00:57:51]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:57:51]  Yeah.
[00:57:52]  Oh, you're tired?
[00:57:53]  Yeah, be the president.
[00:57:54]  She's exhausted.
[00:57:55]  You've been up all night with a baby.
[00:57:56]  Whatever.
[00:57:57]  Yeah.
[00:57:58]  Your mouth's not up.
[00:57:59]  She's been up all night with 300 million babies.
[00:58:01]  Yeah, be more presidential, man.
[00:58:04]  That is crazy.
[00:58:05]  Getting ahead from the president.
[00:58:06]  That's fine.
[00:58:06]  That's fine.
[00:58:07]  Shout out to Dougie Fresh.
[00:58:11]  Was it Dougie Fresh?
[00:58:13]  Was it both of them?
[00:58:13]  Well, Doug M. Hoff, I'm not sure.
[00:58:15]  Oh, Doug Fresh.
[00:58:16]  But obviously, don't do that.
[00:58:18]  Only do it if you really want to, and it makes you feel good.
[00:58:20]  Feminist.
[00:58:21]  I'm a feminist.
[00:58:22]  I have a daughter.
[00:58:23]  You're a girl dad.
[00:58:24]  Yeah.
[00:58:24]  I can't let her grow up in some dick sucking world.
[00:58:28]  You know, with a president out here.
[00:58:30]  Yeah.
[00:58:31]  Glucking.
[00:58:31]  Oh, man.
[00:58:33]  So, but can a male president go down on his girl?
[00:58:36]  Nah.
[00:58:37]  Like, can Trump beat a woman?
[00:58:39]  I'm actually a line fan.
[00:58:40]  A male stand-up comedian podcaster can't do that.
[00:58:43]  Is a president going to pull that off?
[00:58:45]  Are you?
[00:58:46]  I talk for a living.
[00:58:47]  I can just push my nose into it after a long day.
[00:58:52]  We call that scissoring.
[00:58:57]  I feel like the right is taking back whole shit.
[00:59:00]  Talk to us.
[00:59:01]  Because, like, all right.
[00:59:03]  Yeah.
[00:59:03]  The left used to be liberals.
[00:59:05]  Uh, yeah, be free the nipple, all that shit.
[00:59:07]  And now the right is you got uh hawk to a girl, you got carpenter, you got all these like kind of do you think I think you just think white people are right.
[00:59:19]  I mean not, but she's a carpenter.
[00:59:21]  She's got a union job.
[00:59:22]  She's a worker.
[00:59:24]  She works late.
[00:59:24]  No, who's the other one?
[00:59:25]  There's another one.
[00:59:26]  Uh, you guys with the big tits on Euphoria.
[00:59:29]  Sydney Sweeney.
[00:59:30]  There you go.
[00:59:31]  She's right-wing.
[00:59:32]  She's Ty Hard.
[00:59:33]  She's all right.
[00:59:33]  Yeah.
[00:59:34]  She's, you haven't seen her at the United Rocket?
[00:59:36]  Hollywood actress Sidney Sweeney is her family's apparently MAGA.
[00:59:40]  She was in Charlottesville with a THE TORCHANDY.
[00:59:45]  Yes.
[00:59:45]  Just because her family's MAGA doesn't make her awesome.
[00:59:48]  Yeah, wait, what?
[00:59:51]  I'm just saying.
[00:59:53]  Like, yeah, obviously, her family's really cool and smart and interesting, but that doesn't mean that she is.
[00:59:57]  She could be another liberal cuck in Hollywood.
[01:00:00]  I like this, Andy.
[01:00:01]  Trump really made it, made Andrew Gray again.
[01:00:03]  I know, right?
[01:00:06]  Listen, I don't know how I'm going to vote, but if you keep canceling venues, like, what am I supposed to do?
[01:00:10]  That's true.
[01:00:10]  I'm against censorship of me.
[01:00:15]  Do you guys not stand with me?
[01:00:17]  There are guys in New York City that secretly like Trump, but then when their venues get canceled, they just have to be like, oh, what do I do?
[01:00:24]  I have to be a hero to stand up against censorship.
[01:00:26]  Yeah.
[01:00:27]  He doesn't poop himself and he's really smart.
[01:00:30]  Okay.
[01:00:31]  He's kind of all locked together.
[01:00:32]  And obviously, free Israel or whatever position he takes.
[01:00:37]  Talestan?
[01:00:38]  Which one is it?
[01:00:39]  Yeah.
[01:00:39]  No, yeah, he's Israel.
[01:00:40]  No, he rides with Israel.
[01:00:41]  He rides with Israel.
[01:00:42]  Okay.
[01:00:43]  Dove?
[01:00:44]  I mean, Dove made him sign his fucking Go.
[01:00:47]  I'll support anyone who gives you a vendor.
[01:00:49]  His juicy.
[01:00:50]  I was so sorry.
[01:00:51]  Dove went right up to him.
[01:00:52]  He's like, Can you sign my Yamaka?
[01:00:54]  Like, you could have, you should have just got on your knees at that point, bro.
[01:00:58]  You should have signed my slits, bro.
[01:01:00]  What the fuck?
[01:01:00]  I'm a hero of my community right now.
[01:01:04]  Yeah.
[01:01:05]  Honestly, I think if Dove goes MAGA, he will find a wife.
[01:01:09]  I genuinely believe that.
[01:01:11]  I think if you go MAGA, you find a wife.
[01:01:12]  Hot blonde bombs.
[01:01:13]  You mean if he goes openly MAGA?
[01:01:15]  Openly MAGA, he finds a wife.
[01:01:18]  Yeah.
[01:01:18]  It's right here, Dev.
[01:01:20]  Right there.
[01:01:20]  Moment.
[01:01:21]  Just be honest.
[01:01:22]  Who do you think got badder chicks?
[01:01:24]  I mean, if we're going to have like a real sophisticated conversation, yeah.
[01:01:27]  Who do you think are more attractive, Kamala supporters or Trump supporters?
[01:01:31]  I don't think it's.
[01:01:32]  I don't think it's a question.
[01:01:34]  Kamala?
[01:01:35]  No, no.
[01:01:36]  Really?
[01:01:36]  Yeah.
[01:01:37]  Dude, really?
[01:01:38]  Because she has more women supporters.
[01:01:39]  No, Al just into trans.
[01:01:41]  You've been to a Trump rally?
[01:01:42]  It's all fucking guys that look like Mark in 30 years.
[01:01:45]  I didn't say hotter guys, you know what?
[01:01:47]  But I'm just saying, hold on, hold on.
[01:01:52]  I said, who got hotter people?
[01:01:54]  And then you were like, dude, all the guys are so ugly.
[01:01:58]  I said, if you go to a Trump rally, everyone looks like how would you know?
[01:02:03]  I mean, sorry, guys.
[01:02:06]  I got to do some surveillance, man.
[01:02:09]  Yeah, I'm going to say Trump, Trump fans.
[01:02:11]  Hotter.
[01:02:11]  Ow.
[01:02:12]  But you got to pull out with them.
[01:02:13]  You got to work on them.
[01:02:14]  They're going to keep it.
[01:02:15]  They might keep it.
[01:02:16]  But we might have swayed Trump.
[01:02:18]  Yeah, that's true.
[01:02:19]  We might have swayed him.
[01:02:20]  He was thinking about Baron, dude.
[01:02:22]  Yeah.
[01:02:22]  I think that's Baron is dick and some.
[01:02:26]  I'm sorry.
[01:02:29]  Honestly, I think we might be able to get that Roe v. Wade back.
[01:02:32]  I'm thinking Roe v. Wade's coming back.
[01:02:34]  This is a Schultz awesome hot.
[01:02:36]  I think Roe v. Wade is coming back.
[01:02:38]  It's time.
[01:02:38]  I'm thinking about it.
[01:02:39]  Undertaker.
[01:02:41]  That's good.
[01:02:41]  I thought I had a bad take, but thank you.
[01:02:43]  Mail me out.
[01:02:43]  So it's coming back.
[01:02:44]  No, we're having less faith than I do right now at this moment.
[01:02:47]  No, but think about it.
[01:02:48]  I'm going to say it with more conviction.
[01:02:51]  Oh, that's what I do.
[01:02:52]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:02:52]  You just got to say it over.
[01:02:53]  Honestly, I think if Trump wins, I think we're going to get Roe v. Wade too.
[01:03:02]  I think we get Roe v. I really think Roe v. Wade's coming back.
[01:03:09]  Because what are we?
[01:03:10]  We're one Supreme Justice, Supreme Court Justice away.
[01:03:12]  Yeah.
[01:03:13]  I don't.
[01:03:13]  I think we're a couple aren't.
[01:03:14]  Just agree.
[01:03:15]  Just say, yeah.
[01:03:19]  Come on.
[01:03:22]  It's Roe v. Wade, too.
[01:03:23]  That's Roe vade too.
[01:03:24]  Yeah.
[01:03:25]  We could even rename it.
[01:03:26]  We could name it something else.
[01:03:28]  I don't know.
[01:03:29]  What do you want to name it?
[01:03:29]  You know the best.
[01:03:33]  What do we how do we get roby way back?
[01:03:35]  Alex first wage wait was Roe the one that got I don't know I guess I had 50-50 chance all right guys listen up because you can't get a matijuana everywhere but you know you can get in a lot more places Delta 8 Delta 9 if you want to get those kind of products we got you covered you go to deltaclouds.com that's clouds with a Z.

=== Magic Spoon Review (03:23) ===

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[01:06:51]  Magic Spoon.
[01:06:53]  Hold on to the dream.
[01:06:54]  Skip back to the show.
[01:06:55]  Were you anxious before the interview?
[01:06:57]  No.
[01:06:57]  Because you seemed eerily calm.
[01:07:00]  I was thrown up in the bathroom two nights before.
[01:07:02]  You were so calm.
[01:07:03]  I was like, this is nuts, dude.
[01:07:05]  No, dude, I'm going to be my hero in today.
[01:07:09]  So, usually, in a situation like that, when you are meeting somebody that you're really excited to meet and you think really says everything correctly, you're nervous, right?

=== Calm Before The Storm (02:43) ===

[01:07:18]  But no, no, in all seriousness, I thought I was really well prepared.
[01:07:24]  Usually, nerves for me are about lack of preparation.
[01:07:26]  So, if I'm nervous for a pod, I know I didn't prepare.
[01:07:28]  I know I didn't like watch enough podcasts with them.
[01:07:31]  I don't know their flow.
[01:07:32]  I don't have like good questions and I can't back up the things I want to ask.
[01:07:35]  Yeah.
[01:07:35]  And, but, but for this, I, you know, I put some time in.
[01:07:39]  I was like, I kind of want to understand what he's going to do.
[01:07:42]  Like, I knew that he can steamroll.
[01:07:44]  I know he's, I thought that we could control the conversation a little bit better, but he's a force.
[01:07:49]  He'll just talk whenever he wants to.
[01:07:50]  He steamrolls.
[01:07:51]  Yeah.
[01:07:51]  But I felt, no, I felt, I felt kind of really comfortable.
[01:07:54]  And it was the feeling I had afterwards was, who is a bigger guest than that?
[01:08:03]  Yeah.
[01:08:04]  Like, is there somebody bigger than that?
[01:08:06]  Obama.
[01:08:07]  I don't think he is now.
[01:08:08]  Fuck.
[01:08:09]  I would love to sit down with Obama.
[01:08:11]  Don't get me wrong.
[01:08:11]  Fuck out.
[01:08:12]  But like, I don't think he's bigger.
[01:08:13]  I don't.
[01:08:14]  That's fucking crazy.
[01:08:15]  This is lenses.
[01:08:15]  This is lenses.
[01:08:19]  I think if you go back during Obama's heyday, of course, he's the most famous person on the planet.
[01:08:23]  But I think now I don't think Obama's bigger than Trump.
[01:08:28]  I think he still controls the party.
[01:08:31]  I agree with you.
[01:08:31]  But in terms of like worldview right now, I think because Trump is running for president, more relevant.
[01:08:39]  This podcast generated versus, I mean, I would love to have Obama.
[01:08:42]  I would fucking love it.
[01:08:43]  But yeah, number of headlines, I think Trump is just going to garner more headlines.
[01:08:47]  He just is an attention-grabbing human being.
[01:08:49]  So you said that.
[01:08:51]  They said you can't do numbers.
[01:08:53]  That's what they say.
[01:08:54]  They said, let's get O and see.
[01:08:55]  Prove us wrong.
[01:08:56]  I would love to be proven wrong.
[01:08:57]  Come on.
[01:08:57]  I would love to be proven wrong.
[01:08:58]  I think we'd have the best interview with him.
[01:09:00]  I think I walked out feeling like we had the best interview you can have with Trump.
[01:09:04]  Yeah, I think it was his best interview.
[01:09:06]  And I thought we asked, for the most part, what we wanted to ask.
[01:09:09]  I think all of us probably had a couple, one or two things we would wish we could have gotten in.
[01:09:13]  But again, you're finite time.
[01:09:15]  He can steamroll.
[01:09:16]  You want to make sure he knows this is a friendly space or like a friendly enough space.
[01:09:20]  We're not just trying to do gotcha moments, dunk onion.
[01:09:22]  All things considered, I just walked out being like, that was great.
[01:09:25]  Yeah, I felt really good about it.
[01:09:27]  I feel really good about it.
[01:09:29]  It is a tough thing to pivot out of conversation about politics now because I feel like it's the only thing that America cares about probably for the next month.
[01:09:36]  And then we'll move on pretty quickly unless there's another like event.
[01:09:39]  Hopefully there's not.
[01:09:41]  But if there's a peaceful transfer of power, then Americans get back to caring about sports or whatever else is actually important in our everyday lives.
[01:09:47]  But everything gets viewed through these lenses right now.
[01:09:50]  So it's like, what are we going to talk about?
[01:09:52]  The fucking Jets game?
[01:09:53]  Yeah.
[01:09:54]  Right?
[01:09:55]  Like, what is important to you guys right now?
[01:09:57]  You know, Mark had a kid.
[01:09:58]  None of us want to hear about that.
[01:09:59]  That shit gives a shit.
[01:10:00]  Who fucking cares, bro?

=== Sports And Family Drama (15:05) ===

[01:10:02]  Should have the kids behind.
[01:10:03]  Yeah, right.
[01:10:04]  Yankees and the Mets are in the playoffs.
[01:10:06]  Yo, nobody cares about that shit.
[01:10:08]  Listen, I try to, Mark is so ready to be out.
[01:10:13]  I tried to tell Mark, I was like, listen, he's not coming on the road this week.
[01:10:17]  And I'm like, but the next week and after, we only have one.
[01:10:20]  We're going to Utah.
[01:10:22]  There's two shows.
[01:10:23]  Like, it's a far trip to go for one day.
[01:10:25]  If you want to just take another week off, that's totally fine.
[01:10:28]  And Mark looks at me.
[01:10:28]  He goes, I'll be there.
[01:10:32]  You try to reverse psychology, man.
[01:10:34]  You lose your family.
[01:10:35]  You lose your new job.
[01:10:36]  You're making me a bad dad.
[01:10:37]  I was trying to be a good dad with my child, and you were like, oh, just stay home.
[01:10:41]  Hey, you know what, Mark?
[01:10:42]  You just stay home.
[01:10:43]  And now he's going to grow without a father.
[01:10:44]  Watch this, watch this.
[01:10:46]  If it was up to me, I would stay home.
[01:10:49]  I'm fucking staying home.
[01:10:51]  I'm not fucking leaving.
[01:10:52]  His wife's going to see this like, you had the chance to stay home.
[01:10:56]  Mark's reading the reviews of the show.
[01:10:57]  He's like, Derek Poston, guys, killing so good.
[01:11:01]  Derek, you crushed, bro.
[01:11:02]  You crushed.
[01:11:03]  Oh, my God.
[01:11:04]  The walking show is the first time.
[01:11:05]  The person show is the way.
[01:11:06]  The innovation shows the way, right?
[01:11:09]  Yo, I brought that up in the podline.
[01:11:10]  I think multiple people DM me like, yeah, I never even care how many people are on the show.
[01:11:14]  No, that's okay.
[01:11:16]  It's like an extra.
[01:11:18]  You need first, middle, endings.
[01:11:19]  That's what we think.
[01:11:20]  Yeah, yeah, it's the natural order.
[01:11:23]  They're probably like, damn, we got out in a more timely fashion.
[01:11:25]  I thought this show would go longer.
[01:11:27]  Oh, my God.
[01:11:27]  Derek, your new stuff is so fucking funny.
[01:11:30]  Oh, my God.
[01:11:30]  I wanted to look at that camera too.
[01:11:32]  Derek, your new son is so fucking good.
[01:11:34]  Can we cut this out?
[01:11:35]  Can we just have you do double the time?
[01:11:36]  Fucking murder.
[01:11:37]  No.
[01:11:38]  Let's cut this out.
[01:11:39]  Come on.
[01:11:39]  Let's cut it out.
[01:11:41]  No, tell us about your kid that sleeps all day.
[01:11:43]  Like, what is he?
[01:11:46]  Greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
[01:11:47]  You know, who needs a career, right?
[01:11:49]  Like, why does it even matter if I'm doing comedy ever again?
[01:11:51]  You know what I mean?
[01:11:52]  Like, nothing matters.
[01:11:53]  Yeah.
[01:11:53]  100%.
[01:11:54]  No, it's great.
[01:11:55]  Best time in my life.
[01:11:56]  What's never happened?
[01:11:57]  You're like rubbing beef oil on you or some shit like that.
[01:11:59]  No, it's beef tallow.
[01:12:00]  Okay.
[01:12:01]  Don't say that like it makes it more normal.
[01:12:04]  It's not beef oil.
[01:12:06]  Like, we're misunderstanding it now.
[01:12:07]  It's easy to beef tallow.
[01:12:09]  Okay.
[01:12:10]  No, it just rejuvenates your skin.
[01:12:11]  It's a big couple over here.
[01:12:13]  I mean, I've never looked younger.
[01:12:14]  What are you talking about?
[01:12:15]  I mean, I'm buying a beef tallow.
[01:12:17]  But why?
[01:12:18]  For what reason?
[01:12:18]  So I can look good for my son.
[01:12:20]  I mean, why do you want to look good for your son?
[01:12:22]  No, I've just been using it because the last couple of weeks I got a jar.
[01:12:25]  Alicia's been using it.
[01:12:26]  And I was like, let me try.
[01:12:27]  And like how it makes me feel.
[01:12:29]  Why?
[01:12:29]  What is the purpose of it?
[01:12:30]  Yeah.
[01:12:30]  Is what we're asking you to do.
[01:12:31]  It moisturizes your skin.
[01:12:32]  It makes you feel good.
[01:12:33]  Oh, it's like mud.
[01:12:36]  Yeah.
[01:12:38]  You know.
[01:12:39]  Emily hasn't never beaten these mud allegations.
[01:12:42]  Yo, every day I get a new video.
[01:12:43]  It's kind of crazy.
[01:12:44]  We need to put a stop to it.
[01:12:45]  Why?
[01:12:46]  Our skin is fantastic.
[01:12:47]  That's true.
[01:12:48]  Fucking A.
[01:12:49]  They do it crazy.
[01:12:49]  Y'all can use some mud, be honest with you.
[01:12:51]  We do the mud masks.
[01:12:52]  Yeah, literally.
[01:12:53]  Y'all do mud baths.
[01:12:54]  You go to the Dead Sea.
[01:12:55]  What do you do?
[01:12:56]  Mud it up.
[01:12:57]  White people take their trucks.
[01:12:59]  What do they do?
[01:12:59]  Mud?
[01:13:00]  You know what I mean?
[01:13:02]  But y'all got to get out of the car and do the mudding.
[01:13:04]  That's the thing.
[01:13:04]  Yeah, no, we're just scared.
[01:13:05]  Yeah.
[01:13:06]  I mean, beef tallow is just as crazy to me.
[01:13:08]  Yeah.
[01:13:08]  Yeah, to you.
[01:13:09]  Yeah.
[01:13:10]  That's true.
[01:13:11]  Yeah, to you.
[01:13:11]  I felt like you did that shit to offend me fights, to be honest with you.
[01:13:15]  Okay, well, do you have any observations on being a dad or having a kid?
[01:13:20]  I texted you a bunch.
[01:13:21]  On Camp Gagnon, you can see all of them.
[01:13:25]  Come on.
[01:13:26]  I can share it here.
[01:13:26]  Go listen to Camp Gagnon this week.
[01:13:28]  No, no, you want to talk about it.
[01:13:29]  No, no, no.
[01:13:30]  This is how much I know.
[01:13:32]  Tell us right now.
[01:13:33]  Top five conspiracies about being a dad.
[01:13:39]  There are a lot of conscripts.
[01:13:41]  The medical industry is lying to you.
[01:13:44]  I'm going down this one.
[01:13:45]  It's fun.
[01:13:45]  The medical industry is lying.
[01:13:47]  And God is great.
[01:13:48]  Just remember both those things.
[01:13:49]  It is great.
[01:13:50]  You went back to church for the first time in a while.
[01:13:51]  I did.
[01:13:52]  Didn't know my kid, though.
[01:13:53]  Oh, why not?
[01:13:54]  He was crying.
[01:13:54]  I'm not getting fucked.
[01:13:57]  Still not all the way back.
[01:14:00]  Still not all the way back.
[01:14:01]  This is my thought.
[01:14:02]  You've met it, right?
[01:14:03]  See who's really here.
[01:14:04]  What's up with these altar boys?
[01:14:06]  Scoping out.
[01:14:08]  Bro, it's so funny talking to the guy that does like the collection basket.
[01:14:11]  I was talking to him after about church.
[01:14:12]  And he was like, this is this old guy, Italian dude.
[01:14:15]  He's like, oh, back in the 80s, this thing was packed wall to wall.
[01:14:17]  You couldn't even get a seat.
[01:14:18]  Now it's just fucking six homos and a homeless lady.
[01:14:23]  He's like describing the church.
[01:14:24]  Like, this whole thing is kind of shit.
[01:14:25]  Really?
[01:14:26]  Yeah, he was pissed off.
[01:14:27]  Did you ask him if he knows who the best tippers are?
[01:14:30]  What do you mean?
[01:14:31]  He does the basket, right?
[01:14:33]  Okay.
[01:14:35]  Yeah, you're tipping.
[01:14:36]  You did a good job, guys.
[01:14:39]  Fire.
[01:14:41]  But that is kind of what it is, right?
[01:14:42]  It's like, oh, God, this week we did it.
[01:14:44]  I'm a little sad in the South, though.
[01:14:46]  Why?
[01:14:46]  To have waiters.
[01:14:47]  They'll be like, why'd I have to give you 15% if I only give God 10?
[01:14:50]  Ooh.
[01:14:51]  That's kind of fun.
[01:14:52]  Because God doesn't know about inflation.
[01:14:53]  Okay.
[01:14:55]  There's a comic from Dallas.
[01:14:56]  I forget what he was.
[01:14:56]  He said he's a waiter, and that's what he'd hear a lot.
[01:14:58]  And then he would say to them back, because one of us is real.
[01:15:02]  Disrespectful.
[01:15:03]  Damn.
[01:15:04]  Rude.
[01:15:05]  Wrong.
[01:15:05]  Yeah.
[01:15:06]  So tell us about your experience.
[01:15:07]  I didn't ask him about the chipping situation, but he did come up to me with the fucking stick eight times with the basket on it.
[01:15:12]  How much did you tip?
[01:15:13]  You just had a kid.
[01:15:15]  They didn't do tap.
[01:15:15]  If they did boop, if I could tap to pay, then I would have.
[01:15:18]  But I. You just had a child, your first time back in the day.
[01:15:20]  I didn't bring cash.
[01:15:22]  You're not going to have cash on my kid.
[01:15:23]  It's so dirty.
[01:15:25]  So he gets paid minimum wage, bro.
[01:15:27]  Might get his head on.
[01:15:28]  No, God gets paid on tips, bro.
[01:15:30]  That's right.
[01:15:30]  Yeah.
[01:15:31]  I'm not going to carry money, put it on my hand, and then touch my child.
[01:15:34]  Okay.
[01:15:35]  Yeah.
[01:15:35]  You could just wash your hand if you put beef grease on you.
[01:15:41]  There's nothing more natural.
[01:15:43]  There's nothing more natural than beef grease.
[01:15:45]  Okay.
[01:15:46]  And he's come to love the smell for the record.
[01:15:48]  He takes a nap on my chest and wakes up and just pulls his whole head away.
[01:15:52]  He's fucking down like he's sleeping on leather.
[01:15:54]  Yeah, dude.
[01:15:55]  Like he's on a slip and slides.
[01:15:56]  It's insane.
[01:15:56]  Why are you giving your kid facial?
[01:15:59]  You know, it is crazy.
[01:16:01]  Okay, are you allowed to make decisions for the child yet?
[01:16:05]  Too many.
[01:16:06]  What?
[01:16:06]  Just give me the kid.
[01:16:07]  She's like, I'm going to take a shower.
[01:16:08]  If he starts crying, just don't tell me.
[01:16:10]  I'm like, okay.
[01:16:12]  How the fuck do you get that?
[01:16:13]  I feel like I'm a kid.
[01:16:15]  Oh, don't let me do shit with this kid.
[01:16:18]  I got to ask him, can I give her a dried cranberry?
[01:16:21]  And my wife would be like, half of one.
[01:16:26]  Wait, so you just get to do whatever you want with your kid?
[01:16:28]  Whoa, whoa, not whatever I want.
[01:16:30]  Where's your brain going?
[01:16:31]  I'm not going to give him a cranberry.
[01:16:32]  I'm not going to give him a cranberry channel yet.
[01:16:34]  Okay, fair enough.
[01:16:35]  No, I ask, you know, I'm just like, I don't know, but I ask shit, but neither of us like really know exactly what to do.
[01:16:41]  You kind of figure it out.
[01:16:42]  Everything.
[01:16:43]  She has read every single book.
[01:16:45]  She has watched every single video.
[01:16:47]  They know every single thing that's going on with her.
[01:16:49]  I think it kind of helps to freestyle, though.
[01:16:50]  If you go in too prepared, then you only know like four different ways.
[01:16:53]  Like he was crying the other night, and I was like, What if you do this with him?
[01:16:55]  And I just like kind of put him kind of down, shook him a little.
[01:16:58]  Yep.
[01:16:58]  And he stopped crying.
[01:16:59]  Yo, can I say this about real quick?
[01:17:01]  They say that, and I, and this is a very important thing to say.
[01:17:04]  They shake and baby syndrome is a thing where like the babies could die when they get shaken.
[01:17:08]  My kid loves it.
[01:17:09]  But here's the thing: we never talk.
[01:17:11]  No, no, that's the point I'm trying to make.
[01:17:13]  We never talk about how much fun it is when you shake it.
[01:17:15]  They love being shaken.
[01:17:16]  So I almost have a little empathy for the people who shake them to death because before death, it was like a roller coaster.
[01:17:22]  It was like the most fun they've ever had.
[01:17:24]  It's like ODing.
[01:17:25]  Yes.
[01:17:25]  Like you're just like dancing with them and they're just giggling and you're like, well, I do this even harder.
[01:17:30]  Exactly.
[01:17:30]  And then, you know, catastrophic.
[01:17:31]  Yeah.
[01:17:32]  You got to stir them.
[01:17:32]  I'd be more stirring.
[01:17:33]  Just kind of moving them around.
[01:17:35]  No, it's been awesome.
[01:17:36]  You asked me what my thoughts about fatherhood are.
[01:17:38]  I sent you a text of maybe, you know, 10 or 12 different thoughts.
[01:17:41]  Let's just pretend he didn't read it.
[01:17:42]  And that's the thing.
[01:17:43]  And then he just responds.
[01:17:44]  He goes, Yeah, man, just feel everything.
[01:17:47]  I was like, all right.
[01:17:49]  I agree.
[01:17:50]  Well, no, let me read it.
[01:17:53]  I'll pull it up.
[01:17:54]  I'll pull it up.
[01:17:54]  Okay.
[01:17:55]  These are some of the initial thoughts I had.
[01:17:57]  First off, I had this crazy stuff.
[01:17:58]  We had the baby in the apartment.
[01:18:00]  That's a long motherfucker.
[01:18:01]  I know, Doug.
[01:18:02]  That's crazy.
[01:18:05]  I'd have sent the same thing back.
[01:18:06]  It looks like what I really said back.
[01:18:08]  He sends me this long-ass text.
[01:18:09]  I go, Yo, do me a favor, check out this edit that I sent.
[01:18:13]  Nah, that text looked like you're arguing with your girl, right?
[01:18:16]  I was feeling things, bro.
[01:18:18]  She writes that whole shit.
[01:18:19]  Oh, wait, but you were what?
[01:18:20]  You were what?
[01:18:21]  I was feeling it.
[01:18:24]  That's what I said.
[01:18:24]  Feel what you got to feel, man.
[01:18:26]  I was feeling it.
[01:18:27]  I didn't want to in that moment.
[01:18:30]  Let's just do a word count comparison.
[01:18:31]  No, no, no.
[01:18:33]  Let's just see.
[01:18:34]  How many words you wrote, Andrew, versus how many words I was doing?
[01:18:37]  I'm trying to find it, bro.
[01:18:38]  That shit is deep.
[01:18:39]  It's so far.
[01:18:39]  Oh, here we go.
[01:18:40]  I got it.
[01:18:40]  Oh, wow.
[01:18:42]  Okay, this is.
[01:18:43]  But I don't fit the iPhone screen.
[01:18:44]  It's a lie.
[01:18:45]  It's just too much.
[01:18:46]  This is actually a lie.
[01:18:47]  He wrote this long ass gay thing.
[01:18:49]  And I said, these are all great.
[01:18:53]  Write down all the thoughts.
[01:18:54]  I go, they will change.
[01:18:55]  You'll forget some.
[01:18:56]  Some will go stronger.
[01:18:57]  Good to reflect on all the moments.
[01:19:00]  I didn't read that.
[01:19:01]  That is 100% saying I didn't read that.
[01:19:04]  100%.
[01:19:05]  But a nicer way to say it, though.
[01:19:06]  That is a nicer way.
[01:19:07]  These are all great.
[01:19:08]  Anytime anybody says these are all great, he didn't read none of them.
[01:19:12]  None of them are great.
[01:19:13]  Okay.
[01:19:13]  No, some of them are great.
[01:19:14]  Actually, I really wish that I didn't read any of them so that I could, because that is the funniest thing.
[01:19:20]  What I remember experiencing in the hospital while like your wife's asleep, but the baby's asleep, and you're just by yourself, and you feel like everything is on a million, right?
[01:19:30]  Like every sensation is times a hundred.
[01:19:33]  You're like, and you have all these ideas, and everything's going through your head.
[01:19:36]  And I started to write some down, and I wish I just wrote every single thing I thought down because you forget them.
[01:19:41]  Yeah, like you know, you talk to any parent and the feeling they had when your kid was like three months, and when they're not, they're completely different.
[01:19:47]  So, in that moment, I didn't want to influence anything.
[01:19:49]  I didn't want to be like, Yeah, but what is it like when it's like that?
[01:19:51]  I just wanted you to have, you know, unadulterated, is that the word unadulterated feelings and just yeah, remember them all and uh enjoy that moment.
[01:19:59]  That's what I didn't want to impact it.
[01:20:01]  No, I knew that I knew that I'm just messing with you, but it was a beautiful thing.
[01:20:03]  Your emotions definitely do come online in a way that's like insane.
[01:20:07]  Like, it's like the closest thing is doing drugs, yeah, like doing mushrooms, and then afterwards, you're like, Oh, I see the world in a different way, but it's like a clean high that doesn't really go away, yeah.
[01:20:15]  Like, it's like just natural.
[01:20:16]  What has been the hardest thing?
[01:20:18]  Uh, I just adjusting the schedule, like adjusting to like time, and like you, when you get married, now you have like a different time commitment, and then you can't just do whatever you want.
[01:20:27]  You don't have to be like, Hey, babe, I'm gonna be out.
[01:20:29]  And she's like, Yeah, go ahead, but you gotta like check in.
[01:20:31]  And then when you have a kid, it's like that times five, where it's like, Hey, I'm gonna go out.
[01:20:35]  She's like, You can't because we got to do this, you know, like this is the first time Mark can't do whatever the fuck he wants to do with him.
[01:20:40]  Yeah, shocking, it's a shocked insistent for you.
[01:20:42]  Motherfucker was getting drunk the other night.
[01:20:44]  I know, he's still doing it.
[01:20:45]  I got overserved, it's not my fault.
[01:20:46]  Okay, just went out with his family.
[01:20:48]  His brother's coming up to town to help out with the baby.
[01:20:51]  They just go and get fucking shit faced.
[01:20:54]  Sister-in-law was there, she was helping out.
[01:20:56]  Oh, she was exactly.
[01:20:57]  You guys are doing a great Sober October.
[01:20:59]  I see.
[01:20:59]  Oh, who was having another girlfriend?
[01:21:02]  Oh, you went to bed so late and you've been drinking so much and you never fucked me.
[01:21:07]  Why is that on the app?
[01:21:09]  It's fucking weird.
[01:21:10]  No, they do fuck all the time.
[01:21:12]  Oh, but it is, it's wild, bro.
[01:21:14]  There's so much sex.
[01:21:15]  You have so much sex once you get married, dude, and have a kid.
[01:21:18]  It goes up like a million times.
[01:21:21]  Like, whatever, listen, a lot of people talk about like when you have a kid or whatever, you don't have sex.
[01:21:25]  That's a lie.
[01:21:26]  You fuck so much.
[01:21:29]  I'm exhausted from all the fucking I've been doing.
[01:21:31]  I haven't jerked off once in every hotel that I go to on the road.
[01:21:39]  I haven't journeyed a single time in every single hotel.
[01:21:41]  I feel bad for the people cleaning that shit up.
[01:21:43]  I'll be grabbing pillows to wipe.
[01:21:45]  I feel like Alex, you grab whatever's there.
[01:21:49]  No, I just go on the other side of the bed that I don't step on.
[01:21:52]  I picked the mattress.
[01:21:53]  I just nutted in that shit.
[01:21:55]  I ain't gonna go, fuck.
[01:21:58]  I'm getting friction.
[01:22:00]  Oh, man.
[01:22:01]  We interviewed a president last week.
[01:22:05]  No, but shout out to the Marriott Bonvoy or whatever.
[01:22:10]  And the cleanest staff.
[01:22:11]  That's your little whinkey, bro.
[01:22:12]  That's your little whinsky.
[01:22:13]  Fucking Mary.
[01:22:14]  Marriott Bonvoy.
[01:22:16]  Bonvoy.
[01:22:17]  Put a cigar on the mattress and just twist it.
[01:22:19]  Yeah.
[01:22:19]  God bless.
[01:22:21]  But yeah, dude, breast milk is fire.
[01:22:23]  Oh, did you enjoy?
[01:22:24]  Yeah, that was good.
[01:22:25]  Yeah.
[01:22:26]  Yeah.
[01:22:27]  Straight out the tip.
[01:22:28]  How much are you drinking?
[01:22:29]  Just a little sip.
[01:22:30]  Not at the tip.
[01:22:30]  Out of the little cup.
[01:22:31]  Yeah.
[01:22:32]  Out of the tip.
[01:22:33]  It feels a little weird.
[01:22:34]  Nah.
[01:22:34]  Because that's his.
[01:22:35]  Like, I don't want to double dip.
[01:22:36]  You know what I mean?
[01:22:37]  Don't it seem like Mario's the kind of guy who would just drink breast milk instead of regular milk?
[01:22:41]  Like the health benefits?
[01:22:42]  You would have no idea.
[01:22:43]  First off, not pasteurized, which you don't need to do that with milk if you drink within two weeks.
[01:22:47]  That is actually true.
[01:22:48]  They basically purify.
[01:22:49]  It's like shelf-stabilized.
[01:22:50]  It has no nutrients in it.
[01:22:51]  That's why it gives everyone fucking eczema.
[01:22:53]  All right.
[01:22:53]  Just look into it.
[01:22:54]  Yeah.
[01:22:55]  I've actually heard this.
[01:22:56]  I'm selling unpasteurized milk after all my shows.
[01:22:59]  If you want to see me, I'm rocked.
[01:23:01]  Yeah, Don Merchant.
[01:23:03]  See me at Roxdown.
[01:23:04]  We have unpasteurized milk.
[01:23:06]  Come and drink.
[01:23:08]  When can we see the baby, yo?
[01:23:10]  Soon?
[01:23:11]  Is it like cool for us to come?
[01:23:13]  You know, if you came to McSorley's last night, we were there.
[01:23:16]  Wait, wait, did she bring the baby out?
[01:23:18]  No, she didn't go out.
[01:23:19]  Go to a restaurant and the baby just chilled with us and slept the whole time.
[01:23:22]  Wow.
[01:23:22]  It was awesome.
[01:23:22]  So I went to Apple store.
[01:23:24]  I just saw the dude.
[01:23:25]  He was like, Oh shit, Mark was just in here with his baby.
[01:23:28]  I want to show him the vision with his two weeks ago.
[01:23:32]  How the fuck is he out?
[01:23:33]  Oh my god.
[01:23:34]  That shit makes me uncomfortable because I'm chilling with the baby.
[01:23:36]  I'm doing all the shit with him, walking around, and people are like, That is too new.
[01:23:40]  Yeah, like he just got here.
[01:23:43]  Why is that kid even out the house?
[01:23:45]  And I look at him, I'm like, oh, my wife told me to steal a wife.
[01:23:47]  I'm just a dog out for a month.
[01:23:48]  This motherfucker is out of here two weeks.
[01:23:51]  We were literally, we were drinking.
[01:23:52]  The kid, look, I remember my daughter first seeing the sunlight six months in.
[01:23:59]  She said, no, I got parenting advice from a closed source.
[01:24:05]  Okay.
[01:24:06]  Casey Anthony.
[01:24:09]  She said, let your kids go into your life.
[01:24:11]  Okay.
[01:24:11]  So just fucking, unfortunately for the kid, we like to get shit-faced drink stories on Saturday.
[01:24:15]  And so the kid's part of it.
[01:24:17]  Like, we just go to the restaurant.
[01:24:18]  We put the kids strapped to my chest.
[01:24:19]  I love bringing the baby everywhere.
[01:24:21]  I am very Arabic in that way.
[01:24:23]  Yeah.
[01:24:23]  I feel like Arabs do that the best.
[01:24:26]  I wouldn't make that an Arabic trait.
[01:24:28]  Yeah, that's what the Arabs are known for.
[01:24:29]  Strapping shit to their chests.
[01:24:34]  It's a job.
[01:24:34]  I know it sounds like a lot of fun.
[01:24:35]  Does it have really enjoyed that?
[01:24:38]  Not only did he laugh, he like slapped the table.
[01:24:41]  He wanted all of us to know he found it funny.
[01:24:44]  Okay?
[01:24:45]  No, but I feel like Arabs, and Dove is kind of an Arab.
[01:24:49]  I feel like Arabs, they take the babies out, you know, especially when it's like Ramadan.
[01:24:53]  You see the whole family out.
[01:24:54]  It's like midnight and the kids are running around.
[01:24:56]  It's awesome.
[01:24:57]  Life's also so hot in the fucking day that you go out at night.
[01:25:01]  I ain't gonna do that.
[01:25:01]  And that is also probably something to do with it.
[01:25:04]  But I think culturally they just take the whole family everywhere.
[01:25:06]  You say the Indians do that too.

=== Baby Latching Stories (09:20) ===

[01:25:07]  Yeah, but I didn't know this young.
[01:25:09]  We're not going to bars and getting drunk.
[01:25:10]  We go to each other's houses and get drunk.
[01:25:12]  Fair enough, I mean, fair enough.
[01:25:14]  Yeah, but I like that.
[01:25:15]  I like taking the baby everywhere.
[01:25:16]  I wish the baby was in that room right now.
[01:25:19]  I do think there is something to not over-protecting and not all, but it's just very funny to bring the kid to the fucking Apple store where it's constantly jamming.
[01:25:27]  Have you seen the Vision Pro 2 though?
[01:25:29]  That's my question.
[01:25:30]  I feel like you're not even considering.
[01:25:31]  I don't think he saw the Vision Pro 2, to be honest.
[01:25:33]  He was asleep.
[01:25:34]  If he had been awake, I don't even think he has vision.
[01:25:37]  I think he has all his sense of life.
[01:25:38]  He's mostly seeing black and white.
[01:25:40]  He's got dog vision for the first three.
[01:25:41]  He's old, dude.
[01:25:42]  He's 14.
[01:25:43]  Okay, don't age him.
[01:25:44]  Jesus.
[01:25:44]  He's been doing beast towel.
[01:25:46]  He looks seven.
[01:25:46]  Okay.
[01:25:47]  He looks unbelievably young.
[01:25:49]  He's shocked.
[01:25:50]  He's still eating money.
[01:25:50]  He'd look five.
[01:25:52]  For real.
[01:25:52]  He looks and doesn't look a day over a week.
[01:25:55]  It's awesome.
[01:25:56]  But yeah, dude, it's been.
[01:25:57]  We did the home births, which that shit should be illegal.
[01:26:01]  That shit was crazy.
[01:26:03]  At what point during the home birth are you like, why the fuck ain't we at a hospital?
[01:26:06]  I was getting gaslit.
[01:26:08]  I mean, no, it worked out amazing.
[01:26:09]  My wife is a mid-world, a midwife that does home births and it was fine.
[01:26:12]  But like, there is part of it where you're like, do you think when you just said that, the audience was like, oh, fuck.
[01:26:19]  His wife has a job from the 1600s.
[01:26:21]  Okay.
[01:26:24]  Okay.
[01:26:25]  But like, was there any point where you're like, we need to go to a medical facility?
[01:26:29]  No, not that I was actually concerned, but like when I like, I look at the midwife, I'm like, is this fine?
[01:26:35]  She's like, yeah, we're good.
[01:26:36]  And I was like, I, all right.
[01:26:38]  Like, we're like 20 hours into this.
[01:26:40]  We're just in the house.
[01:26:41]  No, Epidural is also fucking crazy.
[01:26:43]  Not us.
[01:26:44]  It's not even us.
[01:26:45]  That's insane.
[01:26:46]  Well, did I tell you this?
[01:26:47]  I stubbed my toe during the labor?
[01:26:48]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:26:49]  And I had to tell her, I'm like, I stubbed it, Pinky.
[01:26:51]  And she was like, oh, this kind of sucks.
[01:26:53]  It's funny.
[01:26:53]  She's got a head and a shoulder coming out of like a shot.
[01:26:57]  It's waddling over to get to the band.
[01:27:00]  Yeah, but no, it worked out great.
[01:27:01]  Everything's fine.
[01:27:02]  No issues.
[01:27:02]  We labored outside.
[01:27:03]  What does that mean?
[01:27:04]  So like 20 hours in, baby's coming to eight centimeters.
[01:27:08]  Okay.
[01:27:09]  And the midwife is like, you know what?
[01:27:10]  You guys should go for a walk.
[01:27:12]  I'm like, you?
[01:27:12]  All right, let's see.
[01:27:13]  Oh, yeah, get things moving.
[01:27:14]  Get things.
[01:27:15]  Yeah, I guess.
[01:27:15]  Or maybe they wanted to take a nap.
[01:27:17]  I don't know what the reason was, but we went outside and we just went.
[01:27:20]  I'm tired of smelling your fucking beef, Talum.
[01:27:22]  So, what happened?
[01:27:23]  Where do you walk?
[01:27:24]  Uh, to a local taco stand, and you ate?
[01:27:26]  No, no, we didn't eat anything, but at six in the morning, we just like walked up there.
[01:27:31]  I'm just saying, she's about to be pushing, you know, with diarrhea flying out as well.
[01:27:34]  The last thing I'm eating is tacos.
[01:27:36]  It gets things moving, it gets things moving.
[01:27:38]  The Latinos know how to deliver it.
[01:27:40]  You know what I'm saying?
[01:27:40]  You gotta go through, but no, we just like walked around.
[01:27:43]  She would have a contraction every couple blocks in front of the church, just screaming, God, why did you do this?
[01:27:50]  And then people on the street walking past us, like three golfers, see us and they're like, Have a good day.
[01:27:54]  I was like, All right, see you guys.
[01:27:55]  I thought we were gonna get robbed.
[01:27:57]  I was like, The idea of getting robbed on the street with the baby on its way out would have been fucking crazy.
[01:28:01]  Yeah, what do you do in that moment?
[01:28:03]  Because you want to prove to your wife that you can protect her.
[01:28:05]  Yeah, that would tough.
[01:28:06]  But at the same time, you, you know, she's like having contractions.
[01:28:08]  You kind of just got to cough it up.
[01:28:10]  Yeah, be like, You want a baby?
[01:28:12]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:28:12]  Okay.
[01:28:13]  Do you are you very like sweet with the child?
[01:28:16]  If you're like kind and cuddly with it, or is it okay?
[01:28:19]  Yeah.
[01:28:19]  There's no part of you yet where you're like, okay, I got to make him a man.
[01:28:22]  No.
[01:28:23]  Okay.
[01:28:23]  No, he'll fear that yet.
[01:28:24]  Yeah.
[01:28:25]  I don't know.
[01:28:25]  I have a daughter.
[01:28:26]  So like I've only been gay.
[01:28:29]  All I do is I just like jump around.
[01:28:31]  Like I feel no pressure at all to like make the kid tough.
[01:28:34]  Yeah.
[01:28:34]  Like if anything, I want to show her like the sweetest side of a guy because she's going to deal with the asshole shit her whole life.
[01:28:40]  But I imagine with a son.
[01:28:42]  And she should know what not to put up with.
[01:28:43]  Exactly.
[01:28:44]  If this isn't what I'm used to, I'm out.
[01:28:46]  Yeah.
[01:28:46]  Like she knows that this is something that exists out there.
[01:28:48]  But I imagine with a son, and I don't know, but I imagine there's a point where you get where you want to be like, all right, stop crying.
[01:28:54]  You just fell.
[01:28:54]  It's going to be okay.
[01:28:55]  Or there's like a little bit of a toughen up thing.
[01:28:57]  My dad wasn't like that with me at all.
[01:28:59]  But I also sit like this regularly.
[01:29:02]  I tried to do that with my nephew.
[01:29:04]  I started a little too early.
[01:29:05]  What do you mean?
[01:29:07]  He was just learning how to walk.
[01:29:08]  And I was like, gave him a little nudge.
[01:29:12]  He abused him.
[01:29:13]  No, I was trying to get him stronger.
[01:29:17]  He fell.
[01:29:18]  And no one in the house liked that at all.
[01:29:20]  And yeah, I learned the hard way that you shouldn't nudge a kid like that.
[01:29:24]  But does he walk now?
[01:29:25]  He walks really strong.
[01:29:26]  So there you go.
[01:29:27]  I think it's all because walk it off.
[01:29:28]  That's literally where he's not gay because of me.
[01:29:30]  It was that one kid.
[01:29:31]  It was that cat.
[01:29:34]  I mean, yeah.
[01:29:35]  No, I just nurture him.
[01:29:36]  I just love him.
[01:29:36]  It's great.
[01:29:37]  He said the thing that scares me about having a son because just like my little cousins who were guys, I was so fucking like, shut up.
[01:29:43]  Like I had no softness for them whatsoever.
[01:29:45]  But my little cousins who are girls or whatever, it's like completely solved, complete.
[01:29:49]  Like this, I have no issue.
[01:29:50]  Like you said, this is easy.
[01:29:51]  With a guy, I have no patience.
[01:29:53]  Yeah, when can you start like roughhousing with your kids?
[01:29:56]  Immediately.
[01:29:57]  Yeah, I kind of doing that now.
[01:29:58]  We go flying.
[01:30:00]  My mom told me you should just shake the fuck out of them, right?
[01:30:03]  No, you stir them.
[01:30:04]  Okay, you can't shake them.
[01:30:05]  Yeah, just a little gentle rock.
[01:30:07]  007.
[01:30:09]  Yeah.
[01:30:10]  But yeah, it's awesome.
[01:30:11]  I was thinking, how crazy is this?
[01:30:12]  When you're born, how about this?
[01:30:14]  When you die, what is the stereotype of how you die?
[01:30:16]  What do people say you see?
[01:30:17]  A light.
[01:30:18]  You go into the light.
[01:30:19]  And when you're born, you go into the light.
[01:30:22]  Bro.
[01:30:24]  Cut this.
[01:30:25]  Didn't you grow up in the South?
[01:30:28]  I was like, all right, where is it?
[01:30:30]  But it is crazy though.
[01:30:31]  Maybe death is ultimately the grave rebirth.
[01:30:33]  That was true.
[01:30:34]  We had no shit.
[01:30:35]  Three days ago.
[01:30:36]  I'm finally getting on board.
[01:30:38]  And maybe the light is just the pussy of the universe.
[01:30:41]  Maybe you're just flying through it.
[01:30:42]  Think about it.
[01:30:43]  This is why I said feel all the feel.
[01:30:44]  Yeah, I know.
[01:30:45]  Okay, you just got to let them get it out.
[01:30:47]  Process them all.
[01:30:48]  You say it to your friends, they start shitting on you theory about life.
[01:30:51]  And then you feel insecure when you just had the greatest moment.
[01:30:54]  Yeah.
[01:30:54]  So I didn't want you to have that.
[01:30:55]  He wants you to write the doubt so you can remember the stupid shit.
[01:31:00]  The thing that did blow my mind was the reflexes.
[01:31:02]  Like, when you're born, did they do all the reflex testing with your daughter?
[01:31:05]  No.
[01:31:06]  I'm pretty sure they didn't because I think they had to do it a thousand years.
[01:31:09]  Nope.
[01:31:10]  No.
[01:31:11]  Nope.
[01:31:11]  Legally, they have to.
[01:31:12]  Nope.
[01:31:12]  They gave her to me.
[01:31:13]  She tried to latch onto my nimble.
[01:31:15]  I was like, we're not making you a lesbian immediately.
[01:31:19]  She did.
[01:31:20]  She went right from my titty.
[01:31:21]  Is that what that meant?
[01:31:22]  Because I'm eating bread.
[01:31:23]  I've seen so much bread.
[01:31:26]  I don't know.
[01:31:26]  It's like the negative numbers.
[01:31:33]  No, they do these reflex testings where they're like, all right, the kid has a reflex to walk.
[01:31:38]  They put him down and his legs will go like this and they'll start to walk.
[01:31:41]  And they have a hanging reflex where they know how to hang on to shit.
[01:31:43]  That is making hang.
[01:31:44]  That's yeah.
[01:31:44]  And then they can do like pull-ups.
[01:31:47]  Yeah.
[01:31:47]  Like somehow we get weaker.
[01:31:49]  It's crazy.
[01:31:49]  Yeah.
[01:31:50]  And then they have like a startle reflex.
[01:31:53]  You put them down, they startle.
[01:31:54]  They have a foot reflex where like you rub their foot and like their toes grab it.
[01:31:57]  No, their toes go out and then it switches at like a couple months.
[01:32:00]  And it's like all that shit is just programmed in there, just baked in, downloaded on the hard drive.
[01:32:04]  Yeah.
[01:32:04]  Right when you buy it.
[01:32:06]  I don't think I my wife was just bleeding out.
[01:32:08]  So I was trying to make sure she didn't die.
[01:32:10]  And then I would have to take care of my baby all by myself.
[01:32:13]  I was like, yo, you got that with the toes?
[01:32:15]  I'm going to go cauterize this woman real fast.
[01:32:18]  That is a good point.
[01:32:19]  The neighbors were freaked out, though.
[01:32:20]  Why?
[01:32:20]  Because they heard the screaming.
[01:32:21]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:32:22]  Yeah, they left us a gift, which is very nice.
[01:32:24]  What was it?
[01:32:25]  It's a baguette.
[01:32:26]  Nice.
[01:32:26]  Yeah, they're French.
[01:32:27]  Yeah.
[01:32:28]  And so they gave us a little baguette.
[01:32:30]  Yeah, when is like the official, you know, we get to see the baby party?
[01:32:34]  I don't know, this weekend.
[01:32:35]  Fuck it.
[01:32:36]  But it.
[01:32:38]  Do you do like an event?
[01:32:39]  Different.
[01:32:41]  Moms are different with things.
[01:32:42]  You know, so like Emma was very, you know, it was hard for us to get pregnant.
[01:32:46]  She was very concerned.
[01:32:47]  And so I think she was really protective.
[01:32:48]  And I didn't want to, me immediately, I'm like, let's show the world the coolest thing that we've ever made.
[01:32:55]  And she was very much like, okay, I'm worried about the baby getting sick or something like that.
[01:32:59]  So I'm like hesitant to put any pressure on you or to share the baby with us.
[01:33:05]  No.
[01:33:05]  But now I know that you're taking him on the subway three days out.
[01:33:08]  Yeah, doing petty crimes.
[01:33:09]  Yeah.
[01:33:10]  And yeah, it's fine.
[01:33:10]  No, I'll bring the baby in.
[01:33:12]  That'd be awesome.
[01:33:12]  As long as everyone washes their hands and don't touch them and shit.
[01:33:14]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[01:33:15]  But I don't have to worry about you guys getting him sick because Akash already got me sick.
[01:33:18]  And then I was running.
[01:33:19]  Now you got me sick.
[01:33:20]  So we're already fucked.
[01:33:22]  Okay.
[01:33:22]  Long story short.
[01:33:23]  Did the baby get sick?
[01:33:24]  No, baby's fine.
[01:33:25]  Baby's breastfeeding.
[01:33:26]  Mom is antibodies.
[01:33:27]  It all gets passed through.
[01:33:29]  God has a great plan for this.
[01:33:30]  Okay.
[01:33:30]  And ultimately, I think more people need to go to confession and start going to church and just be on fire for Christ.
[01:33:34]  Yeah.
[01:33:36]  Okay, Miles.
[01:33:40]  I don't know.
[01:33:41]  I didn't have a baby.
[01:33:44]  Miles has been pissed about the baby.
[01:33:45]  Miles and my cat, they're both just like, so what the fuck am I supposed to do?
[01:33:48]  What am I?
[01:33:48]  Oh, yeah.
[01:33:48]  How useless are the pets now?
[01:33:50]  It's kind of sad, right?
[01:33:51]  You don't even like, they're just like a surrogate for your love.
[01:33:54]  And the second you have something actually love, you're like, get away.
[01:33:57]  Yeah.
[01:33:57]  Oh my gosh.
[01:33:58]  No, but a cat is more than that.
[01:34:00]  It sounds so bad.
[01:34:01]  Like, because every day I come home and my dog is so excited to see me.
[01:34:04]  And I'm just like, get the fuck out of my way so I can see my daughter.
[01:34:07]  I feel so bad.
[01:34:08]  I really, there's a little part of you who feels guilt about it.
[01:34:12]  But they are the best.
[01:34:13]  They're just every day the dog keeps showing up, knowing that they don't get as much love as they used to.
[01:34:20]  And they don't change the cat's not even a little bit.
[01:34:22]  My cat's been throwing up non-stop, out of attention, just puking all over the floor.

=== Pets As Surrogate Love (01:38) ===

[01:34:28]  Those are the best, dude.
[01:34:29]  They are the best.
[01:34:31]  I think, mate, yeah, they are the best.
[01:34:32]  My kid and the cat are going to come around, I think.
[01:34:34]  Oh, why?
[01:34:34]  Are they beefing a little bit?
[01:34:35]  Just so, yeah, the cat kind of like stares at him.
[01:34:38]  The second he cries, the cat runs away.
[01:34:40]  Oh, freaked out.
[01:34:41]  But I think eventually as the kid gets older, the cat will eventually die and then they'll be harmless.
[01:34:45]  They'll die.
[01:34:46]  They don't die.
[01:34:47]  That's not true.
[01:34:48]  They don't live, though.
[01:34:49]  Really?
[01:34:49]  Cats fucking.
[01:34:50]  They escape and then that's just what it is.
[01:34:51]  Yeah.
[01:34:53]  So yeah, it's been great.
[01:34:54]  All right.
[01:34:54]  Well, first of all, Mark, congratulations.
[01:34:57]  Very excited.
[01:34:58]  And I want to say thank you guys for being just so supportive and kind and very sweet.
[01:35:01]  Just not only with like logistical workshops.
[01:35:04]  Guys, thank you so much for coming.
[01:35:05]  No, I was being really sweet there, too.
[01:35:07]  Okay.
[01:35:07]  No, no, no.
[01:35:08]  But just logistically, like work shit, and then also just like the outpouring of love has been very sweet.
[01:35:12]  I'm genuinely very grateful.
[01:35:13]  We're very excited for you.
[01:35:14]  We're very proud of you, and uh, it's going to be a very cool future that we're all living in.
[01:35:18]  Uh, with President Donald J. Trump, I mean, with Madam Vice President Kamala, with whoever wins, the best person will win, yeah, yes, surely.
[01:35:28]  Yeah, yeah, an educated populace will definitely make the best decisions.
[01:35:31]  You can always trust the people to make decisions.
[01:35:33]  Always, I mean, isn't that democracy?
[01:35:34]  Yeah, I mean, what did Socrates say?
[01:35:37]  Oh, he said they're too stupid to vote, yeah, yeah, so maybe not what he said, but we believe in the American, we believe in George Washington, whose mom was Albanian, Catholic, Catholic, first president of the United States of America was a Catholic show.
[01:35:55]  Take that can you say that word?
[01:35:59]  Yeah, yeah, I think so.
[01:36:03]  Plague, thank you guys so much for rocking with us.
[01:36:05]  We appreciate y'all.
[01:36:05]  We love y'all.
[01:36:06]  Peace.