Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Brian Simpson Gets Flagrant

Aug. 14, 2024 - Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh

01:57:34

Brian Simpson Gets Flagrant

# young thug tiktok technology trends apple vision pro artificial intelligence chat gpt comedy performance criminal justice donald trump fanny willis katzs delicatessen legal ethics marine corps oscar pistorius pulp fiction qd oled quentin tarantino reservoir dogs sean combs social interactions

Brian Simpson and Andrew Schulz dissect the Young Thug trial's mistrial, Oscar Pistorius' controversial conviction, and AI's rushed market entry. They debate necrophilia, QD-OLED screens, and TSA absurdities like shea butter confiscations, while promoting upcoming comedy tours. Ultimately, the episode blends legal analysis with chaotic personal anecdotes to highlight societal hypocrisy and technological overreach. [Automatically generated summary]
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Waiting for the Bag 00:14:22
	You're like a black Larry David.
	No, My maximum irritation comes from me waiting for people.
	That's why I check a bag.
	Everyone's giving me shit about it.
	But the truth is, not checking a bag only makes sense if waiting for your bag is the number one concern.
	For me, I like to get on the plane last.
	I don't want to get on early because I don't want to be sitting there all the time.
	What happens is sometimes people will take the above space.
	So you got to put your shit back deeper.
	Yeah.
	And then you got to wait for all these fks to get off the plane before you get up.
	And that is the moment where I might pop.
	You don't like the SNM?
	Nah.
	Nobody wants no pain.
	That's going to take me out of the whole thing.
	I don't want to get choked, scratched, nigga, poked, shocked.
	The ties up stupid.
	As if we can't hold them there.
	Like, it's just redundant.
	Have you ever dated someone who's dead?
	Oh, man.
	Hooked up with someone who's dead now?
	Yes.
	And?
	But they died after.
	So that's.
	I don't hope they die.
	Crazier questions have been asked on this podcast.
	Got you jerked off to her sense.
	No.
	Just not.
	You got to delete dead people out your spank bank.
	No, because what if she's like an angel watching down?
	That's fair.
	She's looking at her work.
	Love you, grandma.
	Someone just passed.
	I always hated it when they did the don't do drugs episode of comedies.
	Like whenever Save by the Belle did Family Matters or anything would like decide to do like a serious episode.
	Wayne's brothers did a wild one.
	Like break the fourth ball.
	Hey, kids.
	What do you don't do drugs?
	They make the kids do drugs and something bad happens.
	Like what?
	Like, I've never seen this shit.
	Did they do drugs on the show?
	Fresh Prince had one like that.
	Well, yeah, Fresh Prince hate it.
	Fresh Prince episode hates.
	Say by the Belle did that too with the caffeine pills.
	The caffeine pills.
	That was caffeine.
	Mark is doing that with Zins right now, bro.
	Mark is addicted to Zin.
	He hasn't been able to do it.
	You got me 48 hours.
	He only eats Zins.
	And he looks incredible.
	I mean, the guy is absolutely threaded.
	I mean, he's like six months, probably.
	Eight months.
	No, no, no.
	But now he's really ratcheting up the Zins and he doesn't eat any bread.
	He doesn't eat any sugar.
	He doesn't eat anything.
	It's just Zins.
	No, it's steak and vegetables and fruit.
	Also, steak, vegetables, and fruit.
	On the primal, what is it?
	I'm just trying to eat what our ancestors ate.
	That's my Zins.
	Yeah, but they had to go run around and shit.
	But it is funny, you'll have like a Zin outburst.
	Like just right there was.
	What was the episode about the drugs?
	Did they tell the kids to do this?
	He just got lazy.
	It's like the ancestor diet.
	That's what.
	That's what's primal.
	Yeah.
	Well, they also ate Harry Pussy.
	Are you doing that?
	Of course, bro.
	That's part of the diet.
	That's how I get my protein up.
	I'm holding every carnivore person.
	I hold them consistency.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Do all the shit they was doing back there.
	Do you think they ate pussy back then?
	I don't know if they did.
	Yeah, I don't know if they even got consent back then.
	We got to check the record on that because it seems like that's a liability.
	How can we check the record?
	Let's not check very well.
	I mean, there's going to be like images of it in a cave.
	A cave drawing?
	Images of a pussy eating?
	I think a guy going down on a girl.
	I mean, I think it started happening.
	It was pretty.
	Well, a lot of the early people were black, and I don't think y'all ate pussy.
	You think that's great point.
	98.
	Yeah, white people really invented that shit with a cold.
	Yeah.
	Pussy wasn't eatable in the sub-Saharan Africa, bro.
	But we had eatable pussy before fire, though.
	I don't know.
	There's no way.
	There might have been people who did it, but it wasn't like.
	How did they describe good pussy before fire?
	What did they even say?
	Yo, this shit is water, bro.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I don't know when pussy started getting eaten.
	Yeah.
	Tough one.
	When did you start?
	Eating pussy?
	Yeah.
	Oh, man.
	In my 20s.
	Oh, nice.
	When I wear like, because before that, like, that's pretty grown, dude.
	You started late.
	You had no curiosity?
	No, no, because we were like, we were ashamed about it.
	By whom?
	Like, when I like, I was at the tail end of that, where it was like, people didn't.
	Oh, yeah, black dudes, this is a more recent thing.
	Yeah, people didn't eat pussy.
	He did because he was like teen half.
	They didn't admit to eating pussy.
	They would do it.
	They just wouldn't tell you.
	They tell their boys that he didn't.
	Exactly.
	Yeah.
	And why was it?
	Is it the positioning?
	Is it your butt beating in the air or something?
	I don't know, man.
	I don't know.
	I just think it's like an extra macho thing put on black men where you kind of it's like there's an expectation that you don't eat pussy.
	Well, that you do whatever the manliest thing available.
	And I think I think back then it wasn't seen as manliness.
	That was an Italian thing, too, apparently.
	I remember an episode of Sopranos.
	One of the old mob bosses had like a mistress, and then she told people that he went down on her and he broke up with her.
	He was like, he was like in love with her.
	He's like, fuck you.
	How dare you?
	They had that episode.
	They had that episode.
	It really matters.
	The don't eat pussy episode.
	Be careful.
	Merkel is doing it a lot.
	Okay, so as a grown man, 20 years old, you go down on a girl for the first time.
	Oh, yeah.
	Black chick, white chick.
	White chick.
	Yeah.
	Did she just expect it and you're like, okay, I got to do this?
	Or you actually want to?
	You were curious.
	Nah, I was just, I was just trying to remember what I was being told by the OGs.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	The OGs, the Winos, the creepy uncles.
	Yeah.
	All of who are like, all right, now when you get in there, man, make sure you got there.
	Yeah, I didn't do it good.
	Yeah, what were you even doing?
	What strategy?
	Because you know, it's weird that we all think that our, that the only thing between us and doing well is just getting to the pussy.
	But you're not just automatically going to be good at this shit.
	Yeah.
	But comics, especially are fucked up.
	One thing, ask any comic this question: are you better at comedy or fucking?
	And what will they say?
	They will say, they will act like it's a hard.
	That's the easiest question I've been asked in my life.
	I've never insulted my comedy like that.
	Fuck the question.
	You know, it's funny in my head.
	I literally was thinking, yeah, they can't fuck.
	Everybody think they're good at driving, comedy, and fucking.
	Well, sex is a little easier because it's mostly like the same person.
	You know what I mean?
	But like, stand-up is different people all the time.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, also, like, what?
	Okay.
	You're married.
	When you say you're good at sex.
	You don't say most of the comments.
	But if you're one of the top comics in the world, you're not one of the topics in the world.
	No.
	But also, like, what makes you good at sex?
	Like, what is it the bag?
	Like, when it comes to basketball, there's a bag, right?
	Do you can you have crossover?
	Do you have any?
	Do you have all the things?
	When it comes to sex, I judge it by if the girl orgasms or not.
	Right.
	I think that's part of it for sure.
	So, but you could do nothing and then they orgasm.
	So does that make you?
	That's a hot crowd, dog.
	That's a hot crowd.
	Or that might just be a hot crowd.
	Yeah.
	The audience is kind of, you know, how you say the rim isn't always 10 feet in comedy.
	Yeah.
	I would assume it's like that was sex.
	I don't know, but I would assume it's like you're making a good point.
	Like, sometimes the crowd is really good.
	Sometimes you perform it at the ice house.
	Sometimes it's so easier.
	You're like, this ain't me.
	This is them.
	So.
	Right, I get that.
	Like, I don't have like, you know, sometimes it's, and it's only black dudes that do this.
	They have like a video where they're like doing air humping and they're doing like the worm and shit like that.
	They're like, there's only black dudes on TikTok or Instagram.
	I've never seen one white guy like do his fuck moves on nothing.
	It is like RB video choreography from the 90s.
	Yeah, but we do like air guitar.
	You guys actually do air fucking.
	Okay.
	And I see those moves.
	You acting like you don't know.
	It's different.
	You act like you don't know.
	It's you I'm watching.
	I'm never doing that.
	I don't do that.
	Like I'm not like doing the worm in it.
	Are you doing the worm?
	No.
	No, no, no.
	I'm very by the numbers.
	I'm fucking very like German engineered.
	Yeah, efficient.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Efficient because I'm out of shape.
	Yeah.
	I mean, you can't be doing all that extra shit.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Your motherfucker showed the geese, give out star shit.
	You start dripping sweat on the bitch.
	Yeah.
	You ever got a cramp?
	Oh, yeah.
	What part of your body?
	I've thrown up whatever this ass, what is this?
	The glute?
	The glue.
	I've had that shit cramp up on me.
	I've had it cramp up on me.
	What do you do?
	Why y'all laughing like that?
	I don't think it was my glute.
	I think it was my foot.
	What you mean, your foot?
	I think my foot cramped.
	You had a toe curler?
	Yeah, I think it was like a toe-curling thing.
	Oh, she had you curling toes.
	That must have been that.
	That must have been a dog, too.
	Yeah, I do have a couple stops.
	Yeah, that's one of those.
	Yeah.
	But they like that.
	I think anytime that you have to take a break, I think that's a compliment.
	It's like when the other team calls timeout.
	That's like if you're about to come and then he's like, yo, chill, chill, chill.
	But if you have to stop because of a cramp, that's not sexy.
	Yeah, but I act like it's because I'm about to come.
	Like, I'm just like, yo, chill, chill, chill.
	But like, while one leg is just sticking out straight, nothing.
	What does the thing when you got to walk it off?
	That's how I don't know.
	You want to know the craziest shit I heard?
	A buddy of mine said when he's about to nut, he'll stop and then he'll hit his.
	Whoa, what?
	Why?
	As if like that will stop him from nutting.
	Why does Dove do this?
	Yeah, bad dog.
	Bad dogs, he bad dogs and dickheads.
	Why?
	I'm not all these the pain people fuck out of here with that shit.
	Don't bother no pain.
	What do you mean?
	You don't like the SM?
	Nah.
	You're not into it?
	Not even a little bit.
	That's going to take me out of the whole thing.
	Yeah, I get that.
	You don't like getting joked?
	I don't want to get choked, scratched, nigga, poked, shocked.
	None of that shit.
	Tied up?
	No.
	Scraped.
	None of that shit.
	Wow.
	The tied up shit is stupid.
	I think it's so as if we can't hold them there.
	Like, it's just redundant, right?
	Like, it's not like it's needed.
	But some people might need it, though.
	Don't you feel like it's the girl saying that you're pussy?
	If a girl's like, yo, can you tie me up?
	Like, that's the girl being like, yeah, this motherfucker can't hold me down.
	Like, a girl that knows you could hold her down never needs to be asked for that to happen.
	Yeah, but what if it's what if it's like actually literally knowing she's tied up?
	That's that's what the kinetic thing is.
	They don't think that hard.
	You think they think that hard.
	It's not, it's not that much.
	It's not that much going on.
	Well, she just wants to be there for a while.
	You know what I mean?
	Like he goes eats a motherfucking sandwich.
	I'm sitting in this chair by myself.
	Tied up.
	That's kind of smart.
	I should convince my wife to do that for a long time.
	Don't play FIFA.
	Pop down Sarah Crow.
	Put that little red ball in her mouth and say, throw the TV.
	Cricket.
	Just wait.
	Just wipe out.
	She's like, hey, I'm building anticipation.
	Really torture her, make it sound like you're having a good time from the other room.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, my.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Then she'll use her safe word.
	Oh, Brian Simpson.
	We got Brian Simpson on play today.
	We caught Brian Simpson.
	We already started.
	We started recording.
	Yeah, we already started, man.
	This motherfucker's watching the recaps of the young thug trial.
	I bump into him outside and I hear through his headphones that's like it's just the prosecution wrestling.
	What the fuck is he not listening to?
	And he's listening to the recaps of the young thugs trial, which is quite fascinating.
	It is kind of crazy.
	Are you watching too?
	I watch YouTube people who explain what's going on.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Oh, so you're in on this too?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Bro, it's fascinating.
	So the judge is wilding, bro.
	Fanny Willis.
	No, Fanny Willis.
	This is new one.
	Fanny Willis is the DA.
	The judge got kicked off the case.
	What happened to the attorney that got arrested?
	He was only in jail that one night.
	But the judge held him in contempt for not telling him how he found out about a meeting that the judge had with the prosecutor, which was illegal.
	So the judge and the prosecutor did some illegal shit.
	The lawyer found out about it.
	A lawyer snitched, and the judge was like, You're going to go to jail for saying that we did something illegal.
	Right.
	That seems like he was just like, How'd you find that out?
	And it's like, I'm not going to tell you how I found it.
	It's none of your business how I found it out.
	Well, that's what he held him in context for.
	But why does he have to be honest about that when they can have this meeting without telling people that they shouldn't have had?
	That's true.
	He caught him out there.
	That's why it was getting wild.
	The judge got taken off it.
	And then the judge was taken off, replaced by another judge, and then that judge recused herself.
	So now they're on their third judge.
	Oh, he's getting off.
	Yeah.
	Oh, Young Tung getting off.
	I think I'm starting to think that the dumber attorneys are prosecutors.
	Like, you just watch these cases that are supposed to be slam dunks and the prosecution fumbles the fuck out of it.
	OJ, there was one in Dallas with like apologies.
	The most evil ones is prosecutors.
	Ooh.
	The ones that's like they're rather, like, they'd rather take a pay cut just to put some fucking people.
	Yeah.
	I think they're just not smart enough to beat defense.
	I think the smartest ones are like, hey, I can get paid millions of dollars to bait, not even killers, like rich people on tax shit.
	I can make so much money defending the vile people.
	Why would I be a prosecutor?
	And then what's left is the prosecution jobs, a bunch of fucking idiots who can't ever prosecute.
	OJ, they're just like, ah.
	Yeah.
	No, no, I think you're on to it.
	Because if you could make tons of money, most people would.
	There's a few people who are just like great teachers, for example.
	But like, if you, if you're teaching finance, but you could run a hedge fund, you're probably going to run the fucking hedge funds.
	Yes.
	But there's a few people who are like, I just love teaching kids and I want to help the next generation.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But those are few and far between.
	Yeah.
	I hate money.
	But I feel like the prosecutors are like aspiring politicians.
	Because they're usually true.
	Those are probably the best prosecutors.
	Politicians are geniuses.
	This is the worst people, man.
	Wait, who?
	Fanny Whitla, the young thug prosecutor?
	That bitch Eve.
	Wait, why?
	The DA, you're saying.
	Yeah, the DA.
	Yeah.
	Why?
	Why is she evil?
	Because you know what the meeting was about?
	They were trying to threaten a witness.
	So a witness was supposed to be a key witness supposed to testify against Young Thug.
	He said he ain't want to.
	So they had a meeting with him, the judge, and the judge was basically saying, hey, so I'll keep you in jail.
	If you don't testify, I'll keep you in jail until all these trials are over.
	Because it's a Rico case.
	So he's basically like, so after Thug, it's going to be someone else.
	And you'll be in jail for years if you don't testify.
Threatening a Witness 00:15:17
	So then he changed his mind.
	Like, I want to testify.
	And then goes out there and then pleads a fifth.
	Right.
	But the judge ain't supposed to be helping you coerce nobody to testify or nothing like that.
	That's crazy.
	Yeah.
	Prosecution can do that, but judges cannot, right?
	Yeah, and they've been doing way more dirty shit.
	They're like accidentally turning evidence late so that they don't have time to go over it and like keep getting away with all that little shit.
	Like she does all that little.
	Yeah, this is my cousin Vinny.
	Yeah.
	Do you remember my cousin Vinny?
	Like this is literally everything that happened in my cousin Vinny.
	This is old school tricks.
	Yeah, she's dirty, man.
	Okay, so he's going to get off, huh?
	Yeah, it looks like.
	I mean, if he gets off, that's going to be what he's out against.
	I think that case is going to be over.
	It's going to be over this week for sure.
	This week?
	What?
	Yeah.
	I think tomorrow is when all these emotions get ruled on.
	Motherfuckers going back and forth saying, you know, I want him gone.
	I want her gone.
	He broke the law.
	She broke the law.
	Because you got to understand, like, she's against maybe like eight or nine other attorneys.
	And they all just keep submitting motions.
	Yeah, help me out with this.
	I'm 40 and Indian.
	Gunna, did he snitch or know what happened?
	I don't even know.
	Because I'm not, I ain't even started paying attention because I'm not even watching for the actual trial.
	It's this side shit.
	Like, you know, the judge and the prosecutor possibly getting thrown off the case.
	That's the interesting shit.
	Because they're dirty.
	Yeah.
	Which is which is wild because they probably, right?
	Like, like I said, the probably did it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, but still, they breaking the law so they can put him in prison.
	So, what's your professional opinion?
	What do you think the ruling is going to be?
	What do I think the what?
	The ruling, like, like guilty, not guilty.
	Oh, no, I think it's going to be a mistake.
	It's going to be a mistrial with prejudice, or like where they're not going to be able to try him again.
	Oh, mistrial with prejudice.
	I think it's going to be a mistrial because the trial's already the longest-running trial in the history of Georgia.
	Oh, wow.
	And now, and now the judge is gone.
	So, a new judge is like, how could they possibly know enough about what's going on without going back through two years of transcripts?
	How could they know enough about what's going on to like rule over the trial for real?
	Oh, wow.
	Imagine you get selected for that case and then you have to go through two years of evidence, information.
	Yeah, you're not going to want to do all that.
	And all the money and all that shit.
	And not to mention all the shit that was stricken from the record that you're not allowed to see.
	So, you got to go back and watch these videos, but you can't watch the little pieces that were taken off the record.
	It would just be a lot of complicated shit for them to actually give him a fair trial.
	I think they're going to get thrown out.
	So, maybe that was the goal the whole time: just stretch this bitch out as long as fucking possible.
	Wait for them to make sure that.
	But he's incarcerated the whole trial.
	Better be incarcerated for this time now.
	Yeah, for what he's actually doing.
	For 25 years.
	Because what they were going up against is attempted murder, right?
	Or actual planning a murder.
	The actual murder conspiracy.
	Yeah, so you locked up for that's 25, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, he was going to be away for a while if he does four or five now.
	That's a bargain.
	Yeah, but still.
	Damn.
	Guys, that segment, it was brought to you by Morgan and Morgan.
	And if you're injured, you should definitely get compensation by going to Morgan and Morgan.
	I mean, I mean, you can literally go to their website, forthepeople.com/slash flagrants, and you dial, you know, dial pound law.
	And for that, we cheers.
	Cheers.
	Morgan and the other Morgan.
	Let's get back to the show.
	Yeah, I mean, really, what you're hoping is he gets out before it's too late for his music to be relevant.
	Oh, I mean, the comeback album is going to be crazy.
	I think no matter what, he's going to be on fire.
	Nah, that's when we thought that about Sean.
	Well, Sean also had been sent to Belize, and he also lost the case.
	Yeah.
	Sean went to jail for like 10 years.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And now he's a politician out there.
	We talked about that before.
	We thought that about Bobby Shmurda.
	But Shmurda came back.
	He ain't really ever hit.
	I don't think he came back with me.
	Like, the music didn't hit.
	I don't think he came back and his energy was crazy.
	All the streams were crazy.
	He just didn't have the song that matched it.
	So you still got to make the music.
	But Thug's a great heart.
	Sean better than me.
	I'd have told on everybody.
	That nigga still wants to.
	Bro, how so good, man.
	We were talking about him yesterday.
	Yeah.
	I thought he was the greatest voice.
	Can you explain him to me?
	I haven't like, I have no idea.
	His voice was just, there's a rapper in what, Brooklyn?
	Yeah.
	He's from Brooklyn.
	And for Narcy area.
	He had a pretty iconic first video that came out.
	Like, really cool voice.
	None of us knew what the fuck Belize was.
	We just thought he was this black dude.
	Yeah, he sounded like Biggie.
	Yeah.
	But like more.
	But looks, yeah, it was just, yeah, like great.
	Everything was cooking.
	And then he's, you know, chilling with Diddy.
	And then Diddy, him, and J-Lo are at this nightclub.
	There's a shooting.
	Somebody gets shot and killed.
	Diddy kind of says to him, yo, my lawyers are going to take care of you.
	Don't worry about it.
	And then his lawyers pin the murder on Shine.
	Shine happens to be from Belize, even though he spent his entire life, I think, here in the United States.
	He gets convicted and extradited to Belize.
	He can never come back here.
	He just recently came back because now he's a politician in Belize.
	So he came on some sort of like diplomatic trip.
	That's crazy.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, so it's anyway.
	This is at a time where like Diddy is dating J-Lo.
	He's this sweet guy running marathons for the vote.
	Like everybody loves Diddy.
	He's a teddy bear.
	Now, when you look back on it, you're like, well, this is a nefarious individual that is trying to destroy the life of another human being when he was the one that was definitely a case.
	And Sean still won't say his name.
	Ain't that crazy?
	He still won't tell on them.
	Ain't that crazy?
	Yeah, fuck.
	Think of the threats you must have gotten.
	You're a politician in Belize and you're still worried.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I don't think he's really scared.
	I think it's just that street code shit.
	Of like, yeah, if I tell, because people don't care why you told, they'd be like, bro, you a snitch.
	I'd have just been a snitch, digging.
	That's the only way to get revenge.
	This nigga let me get locked up for 10 years.
	Fuck all that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'm snitching on it.
	Can Thug get paid for the time he spent locked up?
	That's a good point.
	That's a good question.
	Like, yo, it's a mistrial.
	No, not really.
	I was never found guilty, but I still lost three years of my life and all the music that I could have made and the money from the touring.
	No, that's an interesting point.
	Like, can you keep somebody against their will?
	You can't incarcerate somebody without cause, right?
	Isn't that what habeas corpus is all about?
	You can't hold someone's body without accusing them of a crime.
	I guess he is accused.
	Yeah, he's sick too.
	So while you're accused, they could hold you.
	There's no bail system?
	No, because it's a dangerous crime.
	Yeah, then so they're holding him to protect the population.
	I mean, that makes sense.
	Like, you got someone accused of rape or murder, like you lock them up.
	But you also have a right to a speedy trial.
	So it's like a balance where it's like, yeah, but that's another thing.
	In that county, it's many people that's just been locked up for years and years and years with no bail, no trial, haven't been charged with anything.
	You know, so they play the game there where they kind of muddy the motherfucking waters.
	Like they should let him go.
	He's been locked up for two years and he hasn't been convicted of anything.
	Yeah.
	And is this their way of pushing you to accept a plea?
	Accept a plea or coercing other people to snitch on you.
	Yeah.
	You go state evidence or something.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	That's pretty wild.
	That's pretty wild.
	Yeah, fuck those people.
	There's no reason to go to Falkland County, Georgia.
	Why?
	Because they dirty as shit over there.
	There's no reason to even be nowhere near that place.
	Yeah.
	Nah, and Fanny Willis to promise you that she's going to find something.
	She's going to find some crack under your beard, nigga.
	She's one of those people, man.
	Is it to try to be a politician or is it to try to clean up Atlanta?
	I've heard if you go there, you don't feel as safe as you used to.
	Now they say that about every city post-COVID.
	Yeah, but they all say they're cleaning up the city.
	Yeah.
	Nah.
	A lot of these motherfuckers is just narcissists disguised as activists.
	Politicians.
	That's every politician.
	Yeah.
	They just want to be seen.
	They just want to be in charge.
	Yeah.
	They don't give a fuck about the actual place.
	She don't give a fuck about crime.
	She don't.
	Don't you see the irony in her having him on trial for a conspiracy and her conspiring with the judge to put him in a lot of time?
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's crazy.
	Yeah.
	They don't give a fuck about no justice.
	Yeah, they're all paid.
	She's giving her boyfriend, you know, million, million-dollar no-bid contracts.
	I mean, that's crazy.
	Yeah.
	The no-bid contracts is crazy.
	She don't give a fuck.
	She don't give a fuck.
	And I think she just wants these two big cases on her books so then she can move on up.
	Be a judge or something?
	Yeah, no, probably go into probably politics.
	Yeah.
	I think if you're DA, you try to be a mayor or something like that.
	Yeah.
	She wanted to take down Trump and clean up Atlanta.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I kind of want to do jury duty, bro.
	That shit sounds fire.
	What?
	What?
	Yeah, like a real good trial.
	Can I tell you a murder?
	Your cell phones change jury duty, yo.
	Yeah, it's true.
	No, no cell phone.
	Jury duty was torture.
	Miserable.
	Show up every day at eight o'clock.
	You sit in these fucking pews waiting to maybe get called or not.
	You're there for multiple days.
	You just got to be there.
	Maybe they call your name.
	Maybe they don't.
	But you just have a newspaper.
	You'd read the whole fucking newspaper.
	You're bringing like a book.
	There's nothing to do.
	The idea now that I could go somewhere for three or four days that I would have to be legally bringing paddle racket.
	Oh my God.
	It's a dream.
	I just scroll all day, get all my emails done, do all the work that I need to do.
	Are you allowed to scroll, though?
	Hell yeah.
	You're not on a trial.
	You're just waiting to maybe be selected.
	Waiting to get selected.
	I remember the first time when I thought I'd be miserable, but I had an iPhone and I was like, this is great.
	I had eight hours.
	I'm just chilling.
	And you never done jury duty?
	I'd be dodging that shit.
	Man, someone told me it's like you get arrested for dodging it.
	No, that shit is true.
	I hear that, but I don't know nobody that's ever got in trouble for it.
	Apparently, you can just say, I never got it.
	I never got threatened.
	So you would get off there.
	You go to trial for dodging jury duty and they're like, should we convict him?
	All the other jurors would be like, nah, I wish I did.
	That sucks.
	Yeah.
	Bro, that's so funny because they'll send you like a, in New York, they'll send you like a blue one.
	And if you miss that a few times, it's like a red.
	And I got the red one.
	I was like, I'm getting locked up.
	So I went and I pleaded.
	I was like, oh my God, I didn't see it.
	Could you, could you please, could you please like let me try to do it next week?
	And the dude looked at me like, is he trolling me right now?
	He's like, you don't got to be here.
	I was fucking still working there.
	When I pulled up, and then we hung out.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Don't worry about it.
	I'm dodging.
	They're going to have to come get me.
	I don't got it, man.
	What do you mean, you joke?
	It's not money.
	I don't have the time.
	I don't have the time to be sitting around deciding if a nigga guilty.
	It's so funny because you voluntarily enlisted in the Marines and you're dodging jury duty.
	I know, I know.
	I'm not going to make the same mistake twice.
	He'd be a good juror.
	No, but he would be the pain-the ass juror.
	He'd be asking questions.
	He'd be raising his hand.
	Yeah, don't give me no power.
	Would you try to convince the other jurors of your position?
	Nah, but I would just be the stubborn one.
	It's like, yo, not guilty.
	No matter what.
	Yeah.
	Nah, he confessed.
	He said he's not.
	Nah, he didn't know what he said.
	You admitted it.
	I'm trying to get thrown off the trial.
	Under duress.
	If they all said guilty, would you be like, hold on now?
	I don't know about all this.
	I'm trying to get thrown out of there.
	Yeah.
	But what if you actually start to really believe in a trial?
	Like it was something that was important to you.
	How could that be possible?
	It was giving you material and you're like, I need to see how this shit plays out.
	But what if it's a storyline, like a show that you really appreciate?
	You're like, I need to know.
	I need to know where this goes.
	Oh, like I'm on the Alec Baldwin joint.
	Yeah, you're not tapping out of the Alec Baldwin.
	I'm like, no, guilty.
	No guilty.
	No guilty.
	No.
	And they're like, that's not an option.
	No, you didn't.
	Free here.
	Free here.
	Yeah, I don't know, man.
	Just the idea of being stuck there just makes me fucking.
	I would just lie, cheat, still.
	I would shit my pants.
	Anything to just get the fuck up out of there.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You would shit your pants to dodge a jury duty?
	Yeah, for sure.
	What do you mean?
	It's like six hours.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	You shoot your pants for no reason.
	No, but how would you tell them or would you let them find out?
	I'd be like, objection.
	You say ejection?
	Ejection.
	Ejection, I shit my pants.
	It could be a couple hours, but because you could be up there for months, years.
	These young thug people has been two years.
	I know, that's crazy.
	It's been the same jury, dude.
	Like, that's the peak of somebody's career.
	It's like, there's somebody.
	I think it took them a year just to finish the selection.
	Oh, yeah.
	I think they must weed you out.
	If you make over a certain amount of money, they're like, nope, we can't come on.
	Nope.
	No.
	So there's some dude making five plays out of Blue Jays.
	And he's at the peak of his athletic career and he's sitting on this young thug train.
	Company duty, bro.
	Freedom ain't free.
	Yep.
	We got to wake up.
	Nah.
	You could be making 20 million years.
	Yeah.
	Throwing a base.
	I have never seen anybody of any note, any celebrity, whatever, ever on a trial in jury duty ever.
	Tom Hanks to jury duty in 2013.
	Before what trial?
	Tom Hanks.
	It was like a small one.
	They set that shit up.
	Yeah, PR.
	They said that shit.
	He wasn't no murder trial.
	He wasn't no two-month, fucking, eight-month thing.
	That's what the jurors and the OJ doc said.
	But at the end, they were like, so why'd you say not guilty?
	And she was just like, bro, I was tired, man.
	We were going to our hotel room every night.
	Couldn't see my family.
	No phone.
	Watching the same fucking TV every day for a year and a half.
	Yeah, I'm out.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Speedy trial.
	We got a right to a speedy trial, too.
	Yeah.
	I'd have voted not guilty too on the OJ trial.
	Did you have you watched all the thing back?
	No, no.
	But I watched it in real time, like as a little kid.
	That shit took over all the cartoons.
	Yeah, but it's different now.
	You were 10 years old.
	You didn't know nothing.
	It's different now, bro.
	You know nothing about nothing.
	You just knew black people who were like, he didn't do it.
	And you're like, yeah, sure.
	Agreed.
	But Beyoncé, when the verdict came out.
	No, see, that's beyond.
	Black people didn't think he didn't do it.
	No, they knew he did it, but they were like, it's all right.
	It's just like Francis.
	Yeah.
	Clowny, now you're crying about justice.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, let's get one.
	And we didn't know that white girl.
	Like, she wasn't like, well, like a Shirley Temple or somebody that was like dear to our hearts.
	You know what I mean?
	If he killed Shirley Temple, that'd be a crazy fucking story.
	Right, right.
	Then it would have been hard.
	He would have been hard to press to defend.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but just killing this girl, who they really made her out to be.
	She's a whore.
	Yeah, kind of.
	Yeah, floozy.
	You were a little aggressive with that.
	She's still a girl.
	I mean, she wasn't anybody's wife.
	She was a whore.
	She's so whores, guys.
	That's crazy.
	That's strong.
	Wasn't she fucking the pool boy?
	That's not like the way you, like a euphemism for whore.
	She isn't anybody's wife, if you know.
	She is not white.
	She's nobody's girl.
	R.I.P. That is crazy.
	You're not watching the Olympics.
	I'm kind of surprised by that.
Killing Shirley Temple 00:04:02
	Have you been peeping it?
	Yeah, a little bit.
	It feels like too much.
	I see the highlights.
	I saw what Simone Bowes did.
	I saw an Asian nigga do with a sword.
	Is that a thing?
	Yeah.
	That's the Olympics video.
	That's the Olympics.
	Yeah.
	What did he do with the sword?
	I think he cut a baseball.
	That's the Olympics.
	I think that's American Ninja War.
	I think you're watching Wipeout.
	You were watching Wipeout.
	I thought it was fruit in the air.
	It was so fast.
	Yeah, the Olympics is boring to me.
	There are a couple events.
	Gymnastics is fun when you put a country behind it.
	Yeah, that's your nazi shit goes.
	That's a good one.
	Yeah.
	A good one.
	Racing, that's always fun.
	Also, fun to see how diverse gymnastics have gotten.
	There's like Dominicans and blacks.
	It's not an Asian girl want it.
	The Asian girl.
	Yeah.
	Asian Americans.
	Has it always been that, though?
	No.
	I feel like gymnastics is always either Asians or blacks.
	No.
	Nah, like the 90s.
	Yeah, Russians dominated that first.
	Yeah.
	But they were the dudes or the women?
	Either.
	Bofa.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	Black people didn't get into gymnastics until very recent.
	Oh, I thought black women have been killing for the longest.
	Who was the black woman?
	I guess those were the only ones I hear.
	Dominique Dawes Domini.
	That was 96.
	Those are the only ones I hear about.
	That's the only one I heard of, though, but that was 96.
	But at the same time, the last white woman you heard of was like the little cute white girl with the girl.
	Carrie Struggle.
	Carrie Struggle, yeah.
	Yeah, she lost, though.
	Why they keep celebrating her?
	No, she won.
	She won the gold.
	Oh, with the broken leg.
	Yeah.
	Oh, wow.
	That's why I was fire.
	Couldn't have talked me into it.
	What do you mean?
	I'd have let the whole country down, nigga.
	What you mean?
	They talked her into the look.
	Think about how bad she could have fucked her leg up if she one mistake, nigga.
	Yeah.
	Just for the chance to maybe win.
	No, I ain't got it.
	I don't love my country that much.
	You were a Marine.
	I know.
	That's why I know better.
	The light tour, the last leg.
	This is it.
	Atlantic City, we've added a second show on August 24th.
	Then we got San Antonio.
	We added a second show.
	Then we have Las Vegas, September 13th.
	The sphere weekends.
	We're all going out to Vegas for the sphere.
	On Friday, we're coming to the life tour in Vegas.
	And on Saturday, we're going to UFC, the sphere.
	Then we got Cleveland and Columbus.
	Then we have Minneapolis.
	Then we have Milwaukee.
	Denver, we've added a third show.
	That's going to be October 16th through the 17th.
	We added a third show.
	October 18th, Cincinnati, we've added a second show.
	Rama, Ontario, we're up there.
	Then Salt Lake City, we've added a second show.
	Reno, Nevada, we have two shows.
	San Jose, we've added a second show.
	Portland, and then Honolulu, Hawaii.
	And then the life tour is over.
	So if you want a chance to check out the life tour, this is the craziest tour I've ever done.
	This is the tour that brought all of my dreams.
	May all of them come true.
	Actually, you guys actually made all of them come true, but I think it is by far my best work and is the work that I'm most proud of.
	I would love if you guys come and check it out.
	These are your opportunities to check it out before it is over.
	TheandrewSouls.com.
	Do not get hit over the head by the scalpers.
	I will see you guys out there.
	Peace.
	What's up, guys?
	It's date time.
	This is important.
	I'm going to start doing a monthly show at New York Comedy Club.
	People in New York don't even realize I live here.
	They keep asking when I'm going to come.
	I'm going to do about 20, 30 minutes at this show once a month along with some friends.
	I'm going to do a big chunk of time at New York Comedy Club.
	First show is August 14th, New York Comedy Club.
	Also, August 29th and 30th, I'm going to be in Honolulu, Hawaii.
	September 6th and 7th, I'm going to be in Vegas.
	September 12th and 13th, I'm going to be in Doral, Florida.
	And the 19th and 20th, I'm going to be in Timonium, Maryland, which I'm pretty sure is outside of Baltimore, but I don't really know.
	28th Greensville, South Carolina.
	And we are going to have more dates coming at you guys.
	Go to akashing.com for those.
	Also, if you want the best Jai in the city, go to my brother's Jai shop that I have also invested in Fontenas.
	That's F-O-N-T-A-I-N-H-A-S.
	Go there, check it out.
	Best Jai in the city, or I'll give you your goddamn money back.
	Let's get back to the show.
	I won't give you your money back, probably, but I'll think about it.
	Let's talk.
Best Jai in City 00:14:41
	Wait, what did you do in the Marines?
	He was deployed twice.
	I was a technician.
	Oh, like, what'd you fix?
	I've basically fixed like communications equipment for like this rate for this giant radar.
	Oh, well, yeah.
	Let me ask you a question about the Marines.
	Is there like within the Marines a hierarchy, how much respect you get based on, like, if you're a technician?
	Like, JD Vance was like a war journalist.
	It's all gay stuff.
	But yeah, journalist is like, you don't even got a gun.
	You didn't even, you're not even in the armed forces.
	You're in the forces.
	But you could get murked.
	Yeah, but I'm curious within that, within the service.
	Well, yeah, of course.
	I think it's the same in all the services.
	Like, do they look young?
	But the closer you are to danger, the higher you're ranked.
	Right.
	But you probably usually are also not that intelligent.
	So that's the only, that's really the only comeback you got.
	God.
	Well, y'all niggas dumb.
	So the smartest.
	You're expendable.
	Right.
	Right.
	So the smartest people are like the cooks.
	No.
	No, no.
	Those are people that are dumb and pussies.
	No, no, okay.
	But you're not.
	Marine Corps don't have cooks.
	So what do you have?
	I think the Navy cooks for us.
	Yeah, get out of here.
	Come on, get out of here.
	There's no cooks on it.
	So go make me some mac and cheese, Maverick.
	I mean, maybe shit's different now, but when I was in the there was no cooks on the Marine Corps.
	Really?
	Nah, there's no cooks or no medics.
	I thought that's the whole reason they let women in.
	Isn't it a little foolish?
	I mean, yeah.
	What?
	Go hard.
	No, no, okay.
	Okay.
	What is the purpose of having like infantry women?
	Man, there isn't one.
	Yeah.
	You know, but I have no idea.
	I don't think those ain't real.
	Right?
	I don't know.
	I'm just trying to understand.
	I understand, like, okay, if you're a sniper, I understand when like the field is level, right?
	Right?
	You're a sniper, athletically, technician, drone, drone pilot, drone pilot, all these things, absolutely.
	But if it goes to like breaking down the door and potentially hand-to-hand combat and like actually carrying a heavy thing around the desert for a while, don't you just want dudes to do it because they have an advantage?
	That's what I would want.
	Son, if the other side saw me in the infantry, I think they'd be like, the America's over.
	But at the same time, though, I think, man, a lot of that, that training is so hard.
	It's like...
	So weed them out.
	Yeah, I mean, because it's definitely, listen, it's definitely one or two or three women in there that can do all that same shit.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Because most of the dudes crying about it is dudes that couldn't pass the training anyway.
	Yeah.
	Do we give soldiers steroids?
	We should.
	We should, bro.
	I mean, I think a lot of them are on it, but like.
	That should be just part of it.
	Yeah.
	I think so.
	Yeah.
	Why not?
	Like, what's like every day you show rage could be.
	Yeah, they're ready.
	That's perfect.
	Mark had a good argument that they should give the people in the Special Olympics steroids.
	How do you feel?
	Oh, I did not say that.
	Because I think that makes them too powerful.
	Yeah, Mark said, I don't know how to do it.
	I didn't say that, but he thinks that they should be given.
	If there's any Special Olympic athlete, they should be allowed steroids to increase.
	Well, they should be allowed.
	They should be allowed.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Why not?
	I don't know, man.
	You want a level playing field?
	Right.
	Or what if you like activate the mutant drain?
	But yeah, it is we have to see.
	Has that been tested before?
	No, see, white people always playing guard.
	No, I'm not.
	I'm not.
	When you're closest.
	Man, we can't juice up our special needs kids, man.
	Yeah, can't do it.
	It's too risky.
	No, no.
	Yeah.
	We can't.
	People in the Paralympics do it.
	There's a guy missing an arm that was like a slalom guy that got his medal revoked because he was juicing.
	He was juicing.
	But just let them fucking juice.
	They're already at such a disadvantage.
	Just let them take what they like.
	LaRouche should just be like, as long as you only injecting the nub.
	Then you're good to go.
	Apparently, it's a whole problem because there's some people with spinal cord injuries that need steroids in order to function.
	It's basically medicinally prescribed.
	And they're like, yo, I need this.
	Just let them do it.
	See, I feel like, man, you had your chance, man.
	You don't get to participate in the Olympics just because you want to.
	Like, oh, you recover from spinal colour.
	That's kind of what I feel.
	It's like, we don't owe you that because it would be a great story.
	Like, you're like, oh, I hurt myself, and I climbed all the way back to the top.
	I should be able to do steroids so I can be in Olympic.
	Well, why?
	Well, this is Para.
	This is Para.
	Oh, it's people that's paralyzed.
	No, no, Paralympics.
	Wow, I went on a long rant for nothing.
	There's been a couple people that do both.
	Like Pistorius, he was a legendary one.
	Right.
	That was okay.
	The dude with the bendable leg.
	Yeah, he did Paralympics, crushed everyone.
	Did he kill somebody?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's why that whole other thing.
	Probably because he was doing steroids.
	Yo.
	Low kid.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Who did he kill?
	His girlfriend.
	His girlfriend.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Allegedly.
	That whole thing was wild.
	Allegedly.
	So he didn't get found guilty?
	I mean, he did.
	He got found guilty.
	Free Oscar.
	Culpable manslaughter.
	You don't buy it?
	What is it?
	He shot up into a door.
	Culpable manslaughter.
	I mean, he shot into a bathroom door where she was.
	So it's not like there was a big space.
	He thought someone was robbing the place.
	And also taking the shit.
	Yeah.
	And you're the restroom right now.
	And also, yeah, you know, arguing with him.
	And was she pregnant?
	Domestic things.
	Was she what?
	Was she pregnant?
	No.
	It was on Valentine's Day, I believe.
	Oh, no.
	Yeah.
	God damn, you suck.
	You can't be nice for one day.
	You can't kill her on the 15th.
	Like, what is that?
	Like, you wouldn't break up with a girl on Valentine's.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, that one.
	So he got found guilty.
	What did he get?
	What did he get?
	What did they give him?
	They gave him 10 years, I think.
	And then he.
	I think it was a longer sentence, but some of it got commuted.
	He actually just found it.
	I think they gave him 10 years and took his legs for 20.
	Punishment.
	He got released, though.
	I think he's back walking.
	We got to get him on the pod.
	He's around.
	He's wheeling around now.
	I would talk to him about that experience.
	January 1st, 2024.
	Yeah.
	He's competing about it.
	You got to fight if he can put the leg to stand on jokes.
	I mean, a lot of those would go, but now those jokes can fly because he killed someone.
	Like, you get to have no empathy.
	Yeah.
	So he has a really interesting story, and we can make fun of him as much as we want because he did something really bad in his life.
	He really did.
	Yeah.
	Apparently, I was looking into it.
	Even if it wasn't his girlfriend, even if it was an intruder that was stealing shit and then also took a shit in the middle of it, he still would have been found guilty.
	Really?
	Because I don't think you could just shoot through a door without knowing what's behind it in South Africa where he was at the time the crime took place.
	I mean, I would imagine there's like pretty good self-defense laws out there.
	It's dangerous spots.
	So apparently his house got robbed before and he was like kind of like on edge.
	A little anxious about getting robbed.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I'm sure if I got into a fight with my wife, I'd be like, selling it, robbing me in the bathroom.
	This is a ridiculous.
	It sounds like an intruder's here.
	Yeah.
	That's a great excuse.
	And apparently he had to cross her side of the bed in order to get to the bathroom.
	And there was nobody there.
	And he didn't think, whatever.
	Did he put his legs on first?
	No.
	This was contested.
	This was a part of the whole trial.
	Because that is important.
	And so I think the prosecution was saying that he did put his legs on to prove premeditation.
	But then I think they were able to prove that the bullet holes were going up.
	I'm not joking.
	They looked at it and they were like, yeah, I think they're going.
	So I think they confirmed that he didn't put his legs on.
	Which would also indicate like he was panicked.
	You know what I mean?
	Like he just hopped out of bed thinking that someone was in there, crawled, army crawled.
	Furthermore, he's vulnerable.
	Kidding with that odd job.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, legendary Olympic moment right there.
	That was it.
	Yeah.
	I feel like, do you think people would be surprised if you killed your wife?
	Yeah.
	Like we woke up in the morning.
	It was like, Andrew snapped and fucking threw his wife out the window.
	But it cost me like, no way.
	Yeah, he would be like, no way.
	Yeah.
	Unless he heard it right before the podcast started.
	Unless the conversation right before this podcast began happened and then he heard the information, then I think it would be quite believable.
	Oh, right.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But outside of that, no, I don't think anybody would believe it.
	I'm honest, I can't think of a person I know who would kill their wives and I wouldn't be surprised.
	No?
	Yeah.
	Who are you thinking that you're like, I can see it?
	Damn, see, I don't want to think I've been missing the street.
	But you got someone in mind.
	Yeah.
	You can just bleep it.
	I mean, for public safety, you should.
	No, no, no.
	Fuck you.
	I ain't no snitch.
	I need to know that I could actually look at this guy funny.
	Yeah, we'll just bleep it.
	Have you not tried to intervene?
	Would I intervene?
	Like, have you not tried to like, if you think if he's going to kill a girl and you're not, you know, no, I don't think he's gone up, but I'm saying that, but if I heard that he did, I would be like, no way.
	Is it because of the relationship or because of who he is as a human?
	Because of who he is as a human.
	You don't know nobody like that?
	Oh, y'all all just friends with the best.
	Also, I love how in order to not know your wife, you got to be the best.
	Talking about his bar.
	Only the cream of the crop doesn't kill their wives.
	I mean, I've met a couple people I think are probably dangerous.
	You know what I mean?
	And so I'm like, I wouldn't be shocked in that regard.
	I dare kick my mom's ass and I still wouldn't think he would kill her.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	That's a giant leap, dog.
	I'm starting to think that's why you don't want to get mad at me.
	Is that why you're saying about that?
	He's like, I know what I'm kidding.
	No, that's not that big of a leap.
	If they would beat their ass, you don't think that would kill him?
	I actually think it proves the opposite.
	It's kind of like I'm showing restraint.
	It's like there's proof that this is as far as I can free on.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Well, like I said, okay, I gotta retake my damn heart on the whole class or whatever.
	Yo, who are you?
	Are you capable of killing your future wife?
	No, of course not.
	Let's focus here.
	Who's the person?
	Yeah, who's the person?
	What are we talking about?
	Just blank it.
	We'll bleep it.
	We just want to know.
	Nah.
	Why?
	You don't trust us to bleep it?
	Well, absolutely bleep it.
	But I don't have to trust you because I'm not going to tell you.
	But that means that you don't trust me.
	When this is emotional terrorism, huh?
	When this bitch is dead, I want you to know it's on you.
	Yo, real talk.
	Well, I'll write it down.
	I'll write it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope that you can only open.
	After she dies?
	Could be like, yo, no, this is crazy.
	He got it.
	You act like we're being weird.
	You're being fucking weird, dude.
	Hey, listen, I don't have a problem with being weird.
	Or with the woman dying.
	What you going to do?
	A cost, you're going to go over there and save her right now.
	You're going to foil the plot.
	That's actually, you're saving us the guilt.
	I don't want to know.
	Exactly.
	You bear that burden.
	You're iron, man.
	I'm comfortable being a terrible person.
	No, no, you're not terrible.
	They're terrible.
	But you didn't do anything.
	Right, but they're not planning on hurting anyone.
	But they might.
	And you know that they could do it.
	Right.
	I don't want you to tell me that.
	But it's not against the law.
	It's not against the law to want to do it.
	That's true.
	That's a good idea.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Wanting to do things is not wanting to do drugs is not against the law.
	Wanting to sell drugs, not against the law.
	Yeah.
	Restraint is good.
	We value restraint.
	Right, right.
	But I know just knowing the character of your friends, you know, you know a guy.
	I know a guy.
	I'm sure you know a guy.
	No.
	Do I know the guy you're talking about?
	No.
	No.
	Oh, then I definitely don't know.
	Yeah, why would I care?
	Never mind.
	Okay.
	What's the last relationship?
	You're saying it.
	I thought y'all knew.
	Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
	Three and a half years.
	Three and a half years.
	And what happened?
	He killed it.
	She did, nigga.
	Wait, it just fizzled out.
	Yeah, people grow apart, you know.
	Hmm.
	Have you ever dated someone who's dead?
	Who's died since?
	Like, she's dead now.
	No, man.
	Hooked up with someone who's dead now?
	Yes.
	And what do you mean?
	Like in memorial.
	Give the eulogy.
	Like you made about give the pussy a different give the pussy a eulogy.
	Like how was it for you?
	Postpartum review.
	No, no, no.
	It was awesome.
	I mean, man, you trying to get me to put my bin in the street.
	Not really.
	But I guess damn, I never really thought about it until you said it like that, though.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but they died after.
	So that's the key thing.
	I hope they died.
	Yeah, but they died before it was definitely died.
	We ain't got it.
	Brian, yeah.
	What question did you think?
	I think I asked you if you're a necrophiliator, Brian.
	I mean, you could have been.
	I don't think you would do that.
	Crazier questions have been asked on this podcast.
	You think?
	That is probably true.
	Do you fuck the dead?
	Yeah, sincerely asking that question has got to be the craziest question I've ever been asked on this pod.
	Or any pod.
	Any pod?
	Yeah, I just don't see you fucking the dead.
	Also, you look too lazy to fuck the dead.
	Yeah, well, that's a good point.
	Yeah, you gotta dig and shit.
	Yeah, the way stiffer.
	They're stiffer, but also I don't see you all humping and doing all the moves and everything like that.
	I see you more like a grave.
	Like, you ain't doing all that.
	No, I'm not a cold-cut kind of guy.
	Wait, so what happened to the girl?
	Can you say, can you share how she passed away?
	No.
	Cool, she killed herself.
	Well, that's different than though.
	That's way different.
	You mean like specifically?
	Like, did she jump off a breach?
	No, no, no.
	I don't know if it was like natural causes.
	Oh, shit.
	Hell yeah.
	I mean, yeah.
	Yeah, she met a tragic end.
	Oh, no.
	Poor thing.
	Damn.
	And how shortly after was it that you...
	Oh, this was way after.
	Okay.
	That's women.
	Are you here?
	You think I did it?
	I know.
	No.
	Can I ask you a question?
	It kind of sounded like a...
	I think he thinks you pushed her to it.
	I don't know.
	Have you jerked off to her since?
	No.
	Just what?
	That's the craziest question that's been asked in this podcast.
	Poor little liquor for the dead homies.
	You know what I mean?
	So you just went from, we would never accuse you of necrophilia to.
	No, no.
	You didn't beat off to her being dead, but you beat off to what you guys had.
	Yeah.
	Pour a little out.
	Oh, pour out of your dick.
Jerking Off to Grandma 00:02:09
	That's it.
	Spill something.
	You got to delete the people out your spank bank.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I think, yeah.
	I think, yeah.
	No, because what if she's like an angel watching down?
	That's felix.
	Like, yeah, what's up?
	She's looking at her work.
	Yeah.
	That's kind of fire.
	Love you, grandma.
	Get cursed.
	I'm not saying it.
	I'm saying she's somebody just passed.
	She's also looking down.
	Nah.
	I didn't say it like that.
	Mark, that was.
	I don't mean that.
	Crazy.
	I mean, like, all that.
	I'm just saying she's also there.
	Wow, boy.
	Your grandma's watching you.
	You guys remember the extra high.
	She just swooped out and grabbed that shit.
	Just saying all y'all grandmas are watching y'all.
	Just remember.
	My grandma didn't even know me like that.
	But now I never met my grandma.
	Oh, she met you, though.
	I mean, she's looking at me, but like, we never built anything.
	Like, you, at that point, she's just watching me for dick.
	Like, she don't have memories attached to me or nothing.
	She never hugged me, never gave me a kiss, nothing.
	So she's just watching me jerk off.
	Jealous.
	Little freak.
	What kind of freak shit is that?
	She up there jerking off to you, jerking off.
	Freaky ass grandma.
	Yeah.
	Don't say I was gone.
	I can't say it.
	I can't say it.
	I can't say what a freaky ass grandma is.
	No.
	I mean, she would watch my other grandma.
	She watch her other grandkids before me.
	Oh, really?
	You don't think that you're the best of the best?
	Not a jerking off.
	Yeah.
	No, no.
	She got way other grandkids and great-grandkids.
	She ain't looking over me.
	She's not worried about you at all?
	You're still in touch with your grandma?
	No, she's my, oh, my grandma's dead.
	Because you were in foster care, but you still knew your grandma, though.
	Yeah, yeah, but they did.
	Damn.
	Yo, Simpson.
	What's going on right there?
	You voting for Trump or what?
	What's going on?
	Y'all got a Zen problem?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's really.
	It's crazy.
	I had one for 30 seconds and shit for three days straight, and you're just cracking them off.
	I'm good.
	No, you get used to it.
	Wait, are you going for Trump or what?
Nerd Out Alone 00:02:17
	I mean, man, I don't give a fuck.
	Honestly, I think all of y'all just groupies.
	Who is y'all?
	All you political, you people just pant his head into these people.
	Talk to us.
	I like this take.
	Y'all sound like groupies to me.
	The Trump people, the Biden people, the Kamala Harris people.
	It's like, none of these niggas don't care about you.
	It's a complete waste of energy.
	Yes.
	I ain't having kids, so I don't care how the Earth's going to turn out.
	But what if you got kids?
	They'll figure it out.
	But I'm done with the delusion that there's something I can do that's going to change things.
	Yes.
	So you want to take the emotional weight of caring about politics when you know no change is going to happen?
	Right.
	I just absolved myself of it.
	I only pay attention to what rises to the surface.
	Which is.
	You know, like when somebody shot at Trump, somebody told me about that.
	Well, yeah, everybody got, we were standing.
	Right, right.
	I was watching.
	Nobody.
	That's what I'm saying.
	Like before that, before that, I didn't even know he was doing a thing that day.
	I wouldn't have known.
	Right, right.
	What speeches, who was winning?
	I don't, those people irritate me.
	Every single day, they made it their whole personality.
	Yeah.
	Oh, have you heard what they say at this time?
	Yeah, but I think those people with that.
	Yeah, those people are searching for identity.
	Right.
	And they don't have it and they can find it within politics.
	Exactly.
	Some people find it within religions.
	Some people have their own unique identities.
	But yeah.
	Yeah, some people do it with damn Zodiac.
	Some people do it with college sports.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	So this is just another version of that.
	Exactly.
	And I don't want to hear about none of that shit.
	Yeah.
	I don't care about your passions.
	I hate when people trying to share their passions with me.
	Interesting.
	Nah, I don't care about what you don't want to hear you nerd out on stuff.
	I'd rather just be alone and nerd out on my stuff.
	What do you nerd out on?
	Just nerdy shit.
	Robert Downey Jr.'s Dr. Doom.
	Actually, I didn't care about that that much.
	I don't think that even matters.
	We were saying we were doing a pod the other day, and that would have been like a fantastic reveal live in the movie.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Like, let us find out in the fucking movie.
	Now, it's a ballsy move because you got to pay him 50 million or whatever the fuck he needs for a movie.
	And then you're not even using him in a promo.
	But once that got out, that Robert Downey Jr. is Dr. Doom.
Hate Your Passions 00:05:42
	Yes.
	It would have been cool.
	But I think out the whole Comic-Con, that's the only big news.
	That's the thing.
	Because it's over, bro.
	All the stories that sold.
	Yeah.
	It's a wrap.
	All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
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	Do you like Spielberg?
	You fuck with Spielberg?
	Who's your guy?
	Tarantino.
	Why?
	Feet.
	He don't miss.
	Oh, yeah.
	You really don't miss.
	He don't miss.
	You watch Jackie Brown?
	Yeah, I've watched every single one multiple times.
	Yeah, I can't think.
	Reservoir Dogs?
	Reservoir Dogs, Jackie Brown.
	Cult Fiction.
	What's top three for you of Tarantino?
	Pulp Fiction.
	Yeah.
	Hateful Eight.
	Hateful Eight.
	I never saw that one, actually.
	That was good.
	That's one of my favorite ones.
	I didn't fuck with Hateful Eight that much.
	And Glorious Bastards.
	Glorious Bastards was good, bro.
	Glorious Bastards was good.
	Channing Tatum.
	Western.
	Morgan Freedom.
	Samuel Jackson.
	Yeah.
	Oh, damn, but what about Jango?
	Django.
	No, Django went.
	Yeah, I have to throw Django.
	Kill Bill, Django, and then I don't know what my third is.
	Oh, Kill Bill, fuck.
	Yeah, bro.
	That's tough, bro.
	Yo, credit to Tarantino.
	Like, you make a movie.
	It is Reservoir.
	Wait, what was first?
	Reservoir Do you think?
	Reservoir Dogs, then Pulp Fiction.
	Then Pulp Fiction.
	So you make two movies.
	But actually, True Romance, I think, came before.
	Wait, he did True Room.
	He wrote it.
	Yeah.
	But he didn't direct.
	No, I don't think he directed it.
	So you do those two, and then you could pretty much do whatever you want in Hollywood.
	And I think most dudes in that situation, they get scooped up by some huge movie studio.
	And they're like, yo, do the next Superman.
	Yo, do the next this.
	And he was like, how about I don't do that?
	How about I just keep on making the movies I want to make?
	And then that shit worked out.
	Yeah.
	It's hard to not be suspicious.
	And I remember people were upset at Jackie Brown because they expected Pulp Fiction again.
	Yeah.
	Got a whole different movie.
	They didn't understand this is what he's going to do.
	He's going to dip into a bunch of different genres.
	Yeah, and then he probably led a lot of other people to fail thinking they could do the same shit.
	Yeah.
	It's like, no.
	Yeah, not everybody got it like him.
	Nah, you can't do it like that.
	You got to do some of the bullshit before you can do what you want to do.
	I love Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, too.
	I think a lot of people didn't like it.
	I thought that shit was the fire.
	My favorite channel movie is always just the last one I saw.
	That good.
	Robert Death Proof.
	Death Proof is so underrated.
	I never saw that.
	I never saw it.
	So he did a double feature thing with Grindhouse thing with what's the name?
	With Del Toro's brother.
	No, no, no.
	Robert Rodriguez.
	Robert Rodriguez.
	Yes, yes, yes, yes.
	So was Death Proof was his movie, and then Something Dead was a zombie movie.
	Oh, fuck.
	Yeah, yeah.
	The shit that was not Dust Tildon, right?
	Dust Tildon.
	No, no, it wasn't Dust Tildon.
	No, he was in Dus Tilda.
	He was in it, but this is.
	Robert Rodriguez directed it, but I think he was in.
	Planetara, yeah.
	Planet Terror.
	So they did a double feature, like it came out together as one thing.
	Okay.
	But Planetara was first, and it's like this fast-paced action-packed thing.
	And Death Proof is kind of like the slow.
	You would literally go to the theater and it would be two movies.
	And then you would watch back-to-back.
	Nah, that's crazy.
	Yeah, and then the Death Proof is super underrated.
	It might be one of his best ones, too.
	You think going to the movies, going to the movies is done?
	No.
	What do you see the future of that?
	No, no, no.
	Because you can't get rid of that communal that, because there's part of you that you check in with people.
	You want to feel other people around you when you're watching.
	Think about all your top moments of watching a movie.
	Shop gun.
	It was with other people.
	Even if it's not in the theater, it's like that group feeling of like we all.
	It's almost like having a good meal.
	Yeah, you're right.
	You have a good meal with the homies and it's done.
	You have that feeling of satisfaction.
	I don't need 300 people watching it, but I do like, I mean, Game of Thrones is a perfect example.
	Even like Breaking Bad, like when shit builds to the point where every week it's important, it becomes a communal viewing experience.
	Right.
	Yo, let's all get together.
	It's like watching a pay-per-view fight.
	It's like, let's watch this shit together.
	I want to be able to, I want to see the knockout, and then I want to look at you and see you reacting the way I'm reacting to that fucking knockout.
	Right.
Movie Night Satisfaction 00:04:31
	But we don't do that with just entertainment.
	It's everything.
	No, it's like, but I don't think every movie justifies that communal experience.
	Right.
	Like, it needs to be Nolan, Tarantino, Spielberg.
	Right.
	It's got to be Cameron, maybe.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	James Cameron did it with the Avatar shit.
	He did it with a Carl.
	I don't even fuck with Avatar, but it was so just mind-boggling that the world was created.
	He's another one.
	He's got hits.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Aliens was crazy, apparently.
	It was before time.
	Terminator, Terminator 2 was insane.
	I also like the Titanic.
	He's crazy enough.
	Avatar.
	This is making me feel dizzy.
	What?
	You got to take it out every once in a while.
	Oh, word.
	I do.
	Oh, okay.
	Take that shit out and swallowing it like dumb.
	You ever ripped one before?
	No.
	What's that do?
	Oh.
	No, I'm saying, you never posted it.
	This is your first time using doing a Zen.
	No, he must have done a Zen.
	I mean, maybe I've done tried one with something else, not a Zen, though.
	Yeah, take that shit out.
	It's just nicotine.
	Okay.
	Why do you got you have to take it out every day?
	I do because I don't smoke cigarettes or nothing.
	So it's just like...
	It's too much.
	Yeah, you just keep getting nicotine delivered to you and you're dizzy.
	And I keep telling you to take it out and you keep just keeping it in.
	Because now I feel like you're challenging me.
	Yeah.
	Now I feel like you're like, oh, I'm missing out.
	I knew the second that we said take it out that that shit wasn't ever leaving his body.
	Come on.
	I can handle it, bro.
	I mean, bro, if you saw the edible I ate before I walked in here, you'd be like, man, that dude's, he's really rolling the dice.
	You like edible high that much?
	Yeah, I mean, no, I actually, I ate one last night to go to sleep, and it was, it was the wrong, it was too much.
	And then I woke up this morning and I kind of, I was like too high still.
	So I was like, you know, you know how you do like the hair of the dog?
	Oh my God.
	You get back after it.
	Yeah, get a little good.
	Yeah, stay, stay.
	So remember when we were in Portland and we ate them fucking gummies?
	Oh, yeah.
	And I thought that the lamp in the green room was the Pixar joint.
	I saw that video.
	I started acting out this Pixar lamp.
	I was so depressed after that weekend, bro.
	Hell, really?
	It was like, whatever reason, like, I can.
	You can use him differently.
	Yeah, that shit.
	Like, Molly, I got, maybe I had a little down on it or whatever, like that.
	I did that Coke one time in Burning Man, and I felt a little down the next day.
	But nothing makes me feel more down the next day than weed.
	I agree.
	I agree.
	That shit.
	I feel a little hangover, but oh my God.
	I'm just like so depleted.
	I have so much fun, but I'm taking out that loan on tomorrow's fund.
	I don't think I feel that was shrooms.
	Really?
	Oh, no.
	Shrooms take it out of me, too.
	I can't.
	I mean, everything, everything kind of, but now I'm at that point where I know what drugs I like and how much I can get away with.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I don't be getting fucked up by accident and shit.
	That's a little kid shit.
	Yeah.
	You just got too high last night.
	No, but too high.
	No, not really.
	You know.
	I just never heard like hair of the dog for weed.
	Well, I mean, I'm sure we'll have a different name if we can make one up.
	Yo, it does work with alcohol, though.
	I'm not going to lie.
	Like being hungover and then you start drinking again, like you have that moment where you're like, oh, I'm back.
	And then 10 years later, your whole family lets you and you're just sleeping under a bro.
	The hair of the dog is like, it's like going to the ATM at the casino.
	I'll get it back this time.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but I do it.
	I'll do it.
	You ever do DMT?
	No, man.
	It's so funny because I thought that because I feel like I'm close enough to Joe Rogan where I should be able to get it easy and I just can't.
	What do you mean?
	You can't?
	Can you ask Rogan right now, can I do some DMT?
	And he got you easy.
	Oh, maybe.
	Maybe that is.
	I haven't asked him directly.
	Bro, what's going on?
	But I thought it would just be around.
	But actually, what is going on, though?
	What actually is going on?
	Yo, what is happening, bro?
	Bro, your grandma just passed.
	She took DMT, bro.
	That's the problem.
	Is that how you think it works?
	No, I mean, I just thought eventually, like, it would be.
	Somebody's bringing some other shit.
	I'm boys with a son.
	I thought I'd be Muslim by now.
	Turns out they didn't ask me.
	Yeah, but I have had more lamb than I have had before since knowing him.
Asking Rogan About DMT 00:08:34
	Oh, that's a good point.
	Sometimes it'll just be lamb around, nigga, because I know him.
	You feel what I'm saying?
	So that friendship brought lamb into your life in different ways.
	You're not as close to Joe as you thought, bro.
	Now, with Rogan, that's the like, you probably done working with me.
	Like, I don't hunt, but since I'm shot a moment.
	You shot a bow.
	Shot a bow, nigga.
	I've seen like elk dehydrated elk pieces, nigga.
	Yeah, I've seen different sorts of smokers.
	Yeah, and none of this shit, I saw it.
	So I thought every now and then I would be like, hey, what's this right here?
	They're like, the PMT?
	But that's never, it's never certain things you don't just leave around, though.
	That's true.
	That's true.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's a crazy expectation I have.
	I'm not, I mean, I really, I really got to admit that, you know, but you wouldn't try it, though.
	Of course.
	Yeah.
	I would try it if I found it.
	I would try it.
	I've been trying to try it, but you know, it's something that our boy Poston.
	Shout out Derek Poston.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's the homie right there.
	So, you know, I was asking Derek.
	I was like, listen, we got Simpson coming on.
	And, you know, like, tell me some stuff about Brian.
	Like, I just need to, you know, know some things about him.
	And this is how I would distill the conversation that justice, social justice, not like in terms of like rights for Asians or whatever, but like social interactive justice is very important to you.
	I go, what do you mean by that?
	And he goes, like, for example, like, we were going to the movies one time and Brian has like the fast pass in the movies.
	And there's a line for the fast pass and there's a line for regulars.
	And if they take a regular before you, you're shutting down the movie theater.
	Hey, yeah, what I'm paying extra for.
	Most people would be like, you know what?
	I'm not going to make a scene.
	No, this is my policy.
	Like, I do the same, and I do the same thing in the airport.
	Yeah, okay, go ahead.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Yeah.
	It doesn't take nothing for me to be like, excuse me, ma'am.
	You know, you're not Delta Medallion.
	Excuse me.
	I'm Diamond Medallion.
	Thank you.
	This is the medallion line.
	You know that.
	I remember at like, was it Uchi or some shit?
	No, no, no.
	It was the Japanese spot.
	It was Uchi.
	We were in all the same Uchi.
	And like, I remember the waiter wasn't like bringing enough water or something like that.
	And there was a moment where you were like, yeah, I don't know how much more of this.
	Bro, the best moment.
	The best moment, Brian.
	You remember that?
	He had a moment.
	He was like, yeah, there's something going on here.
	And I don't know how much more of it I could deal with.
	Bro, he's in the middle of telling a story and the waiter in the middle of his story comes over and goes, oh, excuse me, sir.
	Would you like a glass of wine also?
	And Brian just looks over the waiter and goes, yes, please.
	The waiter walks away.
	He just keeps staring into space where the waiter used to be, just staring off.
	Damn.
	Just looks back at the table, like, what the fuck was that?
	I just might just be foreboding by accident, nigga.
	Trying to stare niggas down.
	But I, but I, uh, no, I just, I get, I get irritated easily by social ineptitude.
	Incompetence.
	Or shit that, like, I need things to make sense, which I know is kind of tough in being in show business.
	You got to kind of fight that.
	Sometimes explain that.
	Sometimes things ain't going to make if you need everything to make sense to you or be fair or whatever.
	Yeah, it's not how the world is.
	You're going to be miserable.
	Yeah, go code.
	Man, so I'm also good at letting shit go, but like sometimes certain, when it comes to certain stuff, you're on an airplane.
	I'm just like, you're on an airplane, you're about to get off, and the people behind you try to get off before you.
	What happens?
	I'm not having it.
	And what are you going to do?
	I'm stepping out of the aisle.
	I do that.
	I do that.
	I do.
	I put the bag in the aisle.
	Yeah, you know it's not your turn.
	Yeah.
	Like, because people will try you.
	Because, you know, if you fly enough, you know that people will, they will use, try to use.
	Your kindness.
	Yeah.
	The fact that you don't want to cause a scene, they'll use that against you.
	Against you.
	So they'll be sitting in your seat and shit.
	Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to switch.
	Well, you should have asked me before you sat right there.
	So fuck you and your whole situation.
	Because whatever story you got from me, I ain't trying to hear it.
	I've heard it a hundred times.
	Mike, but my child, fuck your child.
	I don't even care.
	Now, if they ask after you sat down, is it different?
	It is different.
	It's still gonna be a no, probably.
	But I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna be rude.
	Yeah, yeah, but I'm gonna be like, Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't switch.
	What if you're in my situation that happened a couple months ago?
	What was your situation?
	I'm sitting there, all right?
	I get onto an airplane.
	This is fantastic, and I have an aisle seat, and there's an old man in the middle seat, and then my friend Dove is sitting in the window seat.
	Okay, so we all get on.
	Dove goes in the window seat, the old man in the middle.
	So, so you're you're he has selected an aisle seat, you're you're in a three-person room, yes, three-person room, okay?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, remember those days, damn, bro.
	What the fuck?
	Why didn't you say it like that?
	I'm sorry, yeah, damn, come on, bro.
	Yeah, I'm in the back, okay.
	He already can't relate to your situation, yeah, right.
	So, maybe you can give some advice.
	So, you already started with poor choices.
	So, the guy stands up, and he looks old as fuck, bro.
	He's so old, and so he stands up and he's in the aisle.
	And you know, I sit Dove goes in, he sits in the middle, and he leans over, he's like, Excuse me, sir.
	I just got back surgery, my whole back is just so fucked up.
	I just go to the bathroom a lot during the flight, and uh, is there any way I could just sit in the aisle seat?
	And I was like, Hey, man, you're an old guy, we're only going a couple hours, I'll switch with you.
	Nah, you can't know I'm not switching with you.
	Oh, it gets better.
	I'm not switching with you, it gets better.
	Yeah, that sounds like bullshit.
	You should have thought of it.
	I switched with him, okay.
	And I was like, I'll be next to my friend, and that might make me switch being next to Dove, whatever.
	He's an old guy, I'll just give him, you know, whatever.
	Okay, throughout the flight, he got younger or younger.
	Every minute that went by, he gained a year.
	By the end of the flight, he was like 50 years old.
	He was spry, didn't go to the bathroom one time, and he even leans over me.
	He's like, By the way, I didn't have back surgery, I just wanted to get an aisle seat.
	And then, like, five people around him started laughing, and he was flying with all of his buddies.
	He's like, Yeah, we're going to a construction convention.
	Nah, nah, he what would have happened there, Brian?
	Man, I might have to crash a plane, yeah.
	Man, I might have had to crash out, but but also that wouldn't have happened to me because I wouldn't have given, I wouldn't have switched with him.
	I've heard all the sob stories.
	I'm immune, I'm immune.
	White people, tears since the Amber Heard trial.
	I'm like, whatever, cry, nigga.
	That's what it took.
	Cry the white guy getting wrongly kicked.
	No, but I just mean just the tears.
	I used to pause and empty.
	I'm like, No, that's part of your tool.
	Yeah, it's effective.
	If it's not children crying, it's their, you know, how Batman had a whole tool belt, and the first thing you always went through is the batarang.
	That's their batarang.
	It's tears.
	It's tears.
	Yeah, but I'm like, excuse me.
	I had surgery.
	Yeah, that's too bad.
	That's too bad.
	You should have stayed home so early after this surgery.
	Have you ever switched?
	Well, yeah, I switched when I was younger.
	When I didn't know better.
	When I was dumb.
	But now I'm cold-blooded.
	I got the noise canceling headphones.
	So you don't even hear their cries.
	Nope.
	I've gone like six, seven-hour flights with a bitch behind me.
	Just I don't even hear you, bitch.
	She's mad because I wouldn't switch.
	What's the biggest scene you think you ever made that you look back on?
	You're like, yo, maybe I was low.
	Or you're proud of it.
	Either one.
	I just want to hear the biggest scene.
	The biggest scene.
	I don't really make scenes.
	I mean, I don't know what stories was Darry telling y'all.
	It was just that one.
	I don't ever make a scene.
	Like, I ain't about to do it because I'm going to get revenge in a way where I'm going to get away with it.
	I'm not about to lose.
	I'm not about to lose my cool and then have it cost me something because you're stupid.
	You know, if I cause a scene, I'm getting away with it.
	That's the best kind of reason.
	What does revenge look like?
	Or justice, whatever.
	Budget justice.
	Just a little quick single-serving justice.
	Just a little shot.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I caught a bitch.
	I was sitting in my car a few months ago.
	I was sitting in my car waiting for somebody to come out the grocery store and she tried to leave her.
	She tried to leave her cart behind my car.
	And she didn't know I was in the car because it's ain't perfect, right?
	And I wait till she's climbing in, and I cracked the window.
	Hey, bitch, put your car, put your car back, bitch.
	You know, and she started right away crying.
	I'm saying I've seen the Amber Heard trial.
	Unmoved, bitch.
Quick Single-Serving Justice 00:11:15
	Put your car back.
	And she's like, the way you yelled triggered me.
	It reminded me of my uncle.
	You know, he molested me.
	I'm like, bit, I don't care about that.
	What?
	She shared a molestation story with you.
	Because I didn't care.
	Because she was like, I was molested.
	So she kept going hot.
	Yeah.
	And it just didn't affect you.
	You're not special, bitch.
	My whole generation was molested.
	What she's talking about.
	We used to, our parents would leave us places where we might get molested at.
	Ooh, you know, hoping you would get it out of the way like the chicken pops.
	You know?
	That don't have nothing to do with you putting your car back, though.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, putting your cart back ain't gonna unmolest you.
	Right.
	Exactly.
	You can walk your heart over there with your booty cheeks clinched.
	Fuck you think.
	And did she?
	Oh, yeah, she put that shit back.
	She sure the fuck did she put her cart back and she put her car back and the cart that the homie brought out the store.
	Oh, wow.
	At this point, I'm sure you've heard of this company, 8 Sleep.
	Gotten a lot of buzz in the news.
	And basically, what they're using is technology that adjusts the temperature of your sleep vehicle.
	So whether you have a mattress or whatever you use, they can adjust the temperature of that sleep vessel.
	They also sell mattresses, but they also sell this mattress cover, which I think is actually genius because some people love their mattress.
	I like my mattress, but I still want the benefits of the adjusting temperature.
	This is going to help me get into REM sleep faster.
	It's going to help me have more efficient sleep.
	That is what is most valuable to me.
	Eight sleep is literally, it's a genius piece of technology.
	And if you don't want to invest in one of their mattresses, I get that because you don't know if it works.
	Once it works, you might be like, all right, I'm all in.
	All I want is everything, eight sleep.
	But what they do have is this mattress cover.
	It's called the Pod 4 Ultra.
	It cools, it heats, and now it even elevates automatically.
	It is also clinically proven to give you up to one hour more of quality sleep every night.
	I cannot even begin to explain how important that is.
	If you look at any of these longevity scientists or doctors, what do they say?
	The most important thing is sleep.
	What if you get one more hour a day?
	That's probably years on your life.
	And 8 sleep is going to help you do that.
	If you snore, the pod can detect your snoring and automatically lift your head by a few degrees to improve airflow and stop your or your partners snoring.
	This is incredible.
	Plus, the Pod 4 Ultra can leave your wearables on the nightstand.
	It's integrated and in perceptible sensors.
	Track your sleep time, sleep phases, agent.
	You don't even need to wear your Apple Watch.
	You don't even need to wear your whoop.
	You don't even need to wear your Aura Ring.
	The bed is going to do it for you.
	Just add it easily onto any bed.
	And right now, you head to 8 Sleep.
	That is the number 8.
	E-I-G-H-T Sleep.com slash Flagrant.
	Use the Code Flagrant to get $350 off Pod4 Ultra.
	That's 8Sleep.com slash Flagrant.
	And you use the Code Flagrant to get $350 off Pod4 Ultra.
	8 Sleep currently ships to the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Europe, and Australia.
	The rest of y'all got to have shitty sleep.
	Now let's get back to the show.
	All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
	What is the problem with most of the pre-prepared meal services?
	Okay, the food sucks.
	Let's just call it what it is.
	Most of the food is just not that great.
	And you're like, all right, I might as well order delivery.
	Also, it doesn't feel fresh.
	Most of the meal, yeah, this doesn't is, why is this not taste that good?
	What exactly is going on?
	I'm telling you right now, Cook Unity has solved these problems.
	Number one, they have award-winning professional chefs making the meals.
	They have places all around the country.
	Every meal is prepared in small batches to ensure the highest level of quality in culinary craft.
	And there are hundreds of weekly menu items from dozens of global cuisines, so you never run out of options.
	You're not going to get bored of the things that you're eating.
	And it's done with the highest quality, sent directly to you.
	It's not like it's done in one single place and then they're sending it all throughout the country.
	No, they have all these different local places they're doing.
	So you have the freshest food.
	You have the highest quality food because it's literally done by people who know what they're doing.
	I'm not just making that up.
	That's not hyperbole here.
	On the packaging, I don't know if you can see it.
	There's a picture of the people whose food you're going to eat.
	What is this?
	This is the Chef Livy's all-day cafe, mushrooms and feta egg bites.
	Has there ever been more transparency when it comes to eating something?
	Picture QR code.
	You know exactly what you're getting.
	It's right here.
	Anyway, I'm telling you right now, I don't cook.
	I just had a kid.
	Having something like this, it is an absolute no-brainer, huge help.
	Cook Unity is killing it.
	No, they're absolutely killing it.
	All right.
	So to sign up right now, you go to cookunity.com and simply pick a plan, then select your meals from the menu and let their renowned chefs do the cooking for you.
	Cook Unity right now is offering our podcast listeners 50% off their first order.
	50% off their first order.
	Then 10% off their next three weeks when they sign up at cookunity.com/slash flavorant.
	Go get that.
	Let's get back to the show.
	You really are happy alone, huh?
	Yeah.
	I'm dope.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, man.
	I'm the homie.
	I don't know.
	I'm the homie.
	Yeah.
	I'm cook people, man.
	Would you be totally fine?
	No wife, no kids, nothing.
	In a fucking cabin somewhere, no civilization?
	Yeah.
	Yes.
	Really?
	Yeah, if I had Wi-Fi, if I had like strong internet, if I could keep my Google Fiber, I would live out in the middle of nowhere.
	Really?
	Yeah, for sure.
	And just keep tabs on the.
	Yeah, come back every now and then, be, you know, pop up, be celebrated, dip.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	I'm one of those people, like, I want to be invited to the party, but I don't want to go.
	If you're not invited, you're going to be a little hurt.
	It's going to bother me a little bit.
	I want you to want me there, but I also want you to know me well enough to know that I don't want to be there.
	Oh, that's a free invite.
	That's perfect.
	No, that's why me and Derek, we understand one another.
	We've been friends for so long.
	What do you mean?
	Because he knows, like, he'll tell me, oh, bro, we went to the such and such and such.
	You know, we did this other thing.
	Because I'm like, I know you didn't want to go.
	He said you got the best excuses to get out of like being in the sauna or working out.
	What you mean?
	When you guys do the workouts with Rogan.
	That's propaganda.
	He says you got the best excuses.
	He'd be like, I left my alarm on my phone.
	You know, when you're doing that, I got to get out this hot ass sauna because my alarm can't.
	This is what these is what these niggas don't understand.
	Like you said, I'm efficient.
	Uh-huh.
	And they not.
	Okay.
	You know what I mean?
	And that's all it is.
	It's like, yeah, I don't think Rogan's efficient.
	You know, if we all say, hey, let's work out at 10 at 10.
	Yeah.
	I'm there at 9:45, ready to start working out at 10.
	And then we don't start working out till 10.
	10:30 because they're late.
	And it's like, I got other shit to do.
	I planned on being here for two hours.
	But now I've been here for three hours because y'all are late.
	Because y'all are late.
	And that's social injustice.
	And now you're giving me shit about leaving.
	You're not concerned with my time.
	Well, whatever it is, I mean, you can be concerned with whatever you want, but it's like, hey, I got to go.
	You got to go.
	Yeah.
	So, and also, I didn't want to do this.
	It's like, I'm here as like, I like the cook the camaraderie.
	Yes.
	But I like working out by myself.
	Yeah.
	You like doing everything by yourself.
	Right.
	Stand up.
	Right.
	It is that.
	But stand up, but also stand up is the perfect thing.
	Because it's a little bit.
	Get the community.
	It's a little bit more.
	But it's also a goal.
	Right.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And it's both of those things.
	And it's on your terms.
	You get to talk about what you're talking about.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's why, look, every job I've ever excelled at has been one where it's like, give me the night shift, put me in the corner, put me in the middle.
	Leave me the fuck along.
	I get where this is where I know what I got to do every day, and I ain't got to talk to no fucking body.
	And what other jobs was that?
	I work, you know, I was a night shift at Intel.
	And that's not really alone, but you, but you kind of are working on it.
	And basically, my job was just to move.
	Like a computer company.
	Yeah, it was just to move the wafers from the dry ash to the next step or whatever.
	I don't know what that's called.
	But like, you know, how they make this computer chips, they fucking take silicone and then they trace some chemical over top of it.
	And then when they put that shit up to a certain temperature, it gets hard and then they scrape away the rest.
	And that's how you get the mini circuit shift.
	Cut it.
	And so my step in the process was the plasma oven that took it up to that temperature.
	Got it.
	So, but I worked alone.
	You know, I did delay shift.
	It's crazy.
	Computer chips and fake tits are made of the same thing, ain't it?
	Yeah.
	Good ass podcast.
	Actually, but I think you can get fake tits made out of other shit now.
	Like what?
	I don't know, but I mean, you know, you, and you would think they would have like saline, I think.
	You would think some of them would come with like a little charger, you know, or something.
	Like more stuff.
	If you're going to get stuff implanted in your titties, titty technology is not advanced the way you would think it would.
	You should be able to like a little USB-C port.
	Or just dictate the size.
	Like sometimes you want to have big titties for like an event.
	And then sometimes you just want to have smaller titties.
	You have to have a sleep number mattress to work out.
	Yeah.
	Oh, shit.
	Yeah, you're really stuck with one thing.
	Yeah.
	Sleep number titties.
	That would be great.
	Have the titties for the outfit you need.
	Because you don't want to carry around big titties all fucking day.
	But then sometimes you want to pop out and show.
	This is a billion-dollar idea.
	I think we right.
	We really figured it out.
	You got a family pool event.
	You don't want some fat ass.
	You're chilling.
	You're chilling.
	And you get doctors to like start using that as a basic stat, you know?
	Like they take your blood pressure, they ask you how much pain you're in, one to ten.
	And they go, how much do you like your titties?
	Yeah.
	One to ten.
	Boom.
	What's your tit number?
	Yeah.
	And so you pay the doctors to push it on people.
	Like the last 10 times you came, you weren't happy with your titties.
	So have this flexibility.
	I can prescribe you something for that.
	So now the doctors are because they're getting money too.
	See, this is one thing I love about Brian is that he knows all the future technology shit that's on the horizon.
	Every gadget that's out, every type of gizmo.
	Is that true?
	You're a tech dude like that?
	Yeah, I'm into it a little bit.
	Are you fucking with the AI shit at all or no?
	That's just bullshit.
	Talk to me.
	It's bullshit.
	I think what it is is I think Chat GPT scared this shit out of all these companies and they all rushed to put this AI shit out.
	And don't get me wrong, it's here to stay.
	Yeah.
	But none of it can do what it claims it can do.
	Right.
	Because Google kind of tried to force their AI on all of their users.
	And nobody gave it.
	And it can't even do shit.
	I think I read that their CEO got getting fired.
	You need to get fired.
	This motherfucker.
	Yeah, they need to be fine.
	Because my thing is, I let Google spy on me a long time ago.
	They know everything about me.
	I'm like, but you, so use that information.
	Be better.
	Yeah.
	Bitch, like, like when I'm asking you a question about me, you should know me well enough where you shouldn't be getting it wrong.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	They get that shit wrong all the time.
	You got no excuse to be wrong.
	Yeah, you have all of my text messages.
	You have all my Google searches.
	You have all my emails.
	Every bit of every YouTube video I've ever watched.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So when I'm like, so when I go, I want a strawberry shortcake, like, you know, that's what I want.
Google Spy on Me 00:08:34
	Yeah.
	So why are you saying something else?
	No, I do.
	I do hit, like, you got no excuse to fuck up.
	Like, your friends can fuck up.
	Like, I can fuck up a gift from my wife.
	Maybe I don't know the exact thing she wants.
	I don't have all the data, but the algorithm should know exactly what she wants.
	They should know you in and out.
	And that's why TikTok works because they take our decision-making out of it.
	They're just like, yo, just scroll.
	We got you.
	Right.
	We'll figure it out.
	I promise we got you.
	And that's the whole point.
	Whereas Instagram's like, don't you want to see what your friends are doing?
	No.
	I would have asked them if I wanted to see what they're doing.
	Unless it's fire doing it.
	And then if it's fire, then it should pop up.
	If it went viral, Shelman.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, maybe we don't have high enough expectations for AI.
	We really should.
	It's trash right now.
	Try to get it to do anything.
	All that stuff they're telling you.
	So it's basically everyone is scrambling to invest in this thing that can't do what you want for the investment.
	Right.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It will be, but I think we're way farther away than they, but they will, but they've all already went all in.
	Okay, so what's the fire shit out now that we're not given enough credit for or given enough credit to?
	The fire technology?
	Yeah.
	Like what is available right now that we're all seduced by this AI idea that we're not going, hey, this is really great.
	Oh, shit.
	I don't know.
	I mean, TV technology is like screen quality or something.
	The screen shit is the QD OLED shit.
	What's that?
	QDOLED is like the latest version of the newest screen technology.
	So it's an LED screen, just more sophisticated.
	But it's quantum dot.
	What does that mean?
	Go ahead.
	It's just like local dimming zones, really small pixel density.
	So you can like it.
	I know he was going to do that.
	Nerds don't know how to, you know what I mean?
	Wait, tell me, tell me, tell me.
	No, because I thought, because what he just did was he Dr. Fauci Chu.
	Right?
	Where it's like, you're not talking to other nerds, so you got to break it down.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	He's like, he spoke to you.
	So the local dimming zones, he don't know what that shit means.
	Yeah, right, yeah.
	So look, basically.
	They got light-skinned and dark-skinned black people now on TV.
	No, so basically, just to just to I'm going to oversimplify it, but basically, the last shit, the LED technology, it was basically a light behind color LEDs.
	Okay.
	With OLED, the colored LEDs have their own lights.
	They have their own lights.
	Right.
	And so it gives you more perfect contrast and more well, it's perfect contrast and it's more accurate.
	Right.
	That's why when you look at the LED TV, you're like, holy shit.
	Or OLED TV, like, holy shit.
	Well, the problem with OLED was that they weren't bright enough.
	Yeah.
	So you would have, you would have great quality, but it didn't have the, it was impossible to make it bright enough without it overheating.
	Oh, so they had to make it dimmer so it wouldn't overheat.
	And now they're getting to the point where they can make it.
	Right.
	Right.
	So you can watch sports first.
	It was probably the other stuff was probably good for movies where shit can be darker and dimmer, but I need to watch football brightener.
	Right.
	But basically, like, don't buy a TV without talking to me if you're about to, if you're ever going to buy a new one.
	Oh, really?
	You got a nice one?
	Of course.
	Are you kidding?
	Okay, what about that curve shit?
	Is that just propaganda?
	Is that just like, oh, people are going to buy some curved TV?
	No, that's better.
	I mean, that's good for gaming.
	It's more immersive.
	Especially with the thousand R curves.
	Yeah.
	Which are basically the more it curves, the more immersive it'll be.
	But the Samsung has like a like I have it.
	I have that monitor.
	And it works?
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's immersive.
	That's what it's for.
	It's a monitor, though.
	It's not a TV.
	It's for gaming.
	He's saying.
	Yeah, but it's, but it's, but their monitors are also smart TVs.
	So you can go to the streaming services and everything on the phone.
	Right.
	Based on what I'm hearing, for a TV, for it to really make it feel immersive, it would have to be massive.
	And then the curve, you're going to feel like, oh, no, no, no.
	It just depends on how far away you sit.
	Because the whole point is that it's supposed to fill up your peripheral dead.
	And then I imagine you'd have to make content for that.
	You have to shoot in a way that it can rap or otherwise this will get distorted at the edges.
	Well, they don't.
	They don't do that.
	No, but they got AI processing the image to make in real time to curve it.
	Because I put it like this.
	I had a curved monitor for like a few years, and I recently gave it away and got a flat one.
	And for maybe like two weeks, it looked like the middle of my flat screen was bulging.
	Because your eyes had adjusted.
	You ever watch porn on the curve?
	Of course.
	How is that?
	How is that shit?
	Immersive?
	Immersive?
	Yeah.
	Now that's scary.
	Like, what the, like, it's a dick pop set.
	It's these fucking pubes right there.
	You throw porn on the TV.
	But no, but it just looks the same, honestly.
	It doesn't look curved when you're looking at it.
	It just feels like your whole field of vision is full of.
	It's almost like wearing a VR headset.
	I was just going to ask you about that.
	Is that going to take off?
	Yeah, I think so.
	I think it's taking so long.
	Yeah, I feel like it got hot for a second and just taking so long because Apple hasn't made it not cumbersome yet.
	Did you try the Vision Pro?
	Oh, yeah.
	I've tried it.
	I tried all that shit.
	I have an Oculus that I never used.
	What's better?
	The Oculus or the Apple Vision Pro or whatever?
	I would get an Oculus over there.
	It's more stuff to do.
	It's more games.
	It's more.
	I bought the shit and it was cool for like a day.
	Like I did the rock climbing thing where you're with Alex Honold on the side of it and it was amazing.
	You're looking at all this stuff, but that's the novelty that wears off soon.
	It's not going to take off until you can do that in addition to other shit.
	Yeah.
	Like right now they call it like they say like we multi-screen people because some people will have TV on, a tablet right here and a phone right here.
	But it's like to do the Apple Vision Pro, you got to put everything to the side and clear out space.
	And it's like, that's all you're doing.
	Yeah.
	It's setting it up.
	So that's why you get it and it's cool for a day, but it's like, I'm not going to keep moving the fucking coffee table every single fucking time.
	Signing to a game when I got games on my phone, I can just turn on the PlayStation that's on the TV.
	So maybe it needs to be your glasses.
	Like maybe it needs to be Ray-Bans, but you need to have all the cool stuff.
	So they have to find a way to distill all that technology into something that's this small that you're putting on.
	Because putting that headset on, maybe for a flight.
	Like, have you done it on a flight, Al?
	Yeah, I did the Oculus on the flight.
	And worth it or not?
	Not really.
	It's like.
	You look crazy, too.
	Yeah.
	You can't see if people are fucking jacking you.
	You know what I mean?
	Getting in front of you on the plane and shit.
	No, you can see.
	You can have it so you can see through it.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	So you keep tabs if motherfuckers are trying it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And maybe, and people will try you too when they see that on your face because they don't know you can see them.
	You know, but you can push a button and you're going to automatically, you can see what's outside.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I've seen it.
	What will they do?
	I don't know.
	I mean, what are you going to do?
	Your face is covered.
	Yeah.
	You definitely shouldn't be out in public with no damn headset on.
	You look ridiculous.
	It was crazy, bro.
	It was like a fashion accessory.
	So remember people said that about Bluetooth headsets?
	First, we're making just phone calls on them.
	Yeah, the first AirPods.
	These fucking douchebags.
	Yeah, now everyone.
	But they had to change it to a design form that we didn't mind.
	You still don't see anybody walking around that stupid fucking Bluetooth.
	When you see that thing, the one that's like a little rectangle, it almost like it looks like a little Pez container.
	Plantronics used to sell them and shit like that.
	Yeah, they look like the flash drive drone.
	Everyone else, like, and I'm not doing that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think it's it.
	That's the thing.
	You just have to make it functional for our lifestyle.
	And that stupid ass headset is not functional for us at all.
	Yeah, it's not, yeah.
	The way it is now, it ain't happening.
	Yeah.
	Nah, people ain't willing to give up that much.
	And it doesn't do that much cooler shit than what you already got.
	It's hard to compete with the phone, man.
	You iPhone or Android?
	Android.
	I'm just really as a tech dude.
	Yeah, some of you.
	Listen, again, some of you Apple people are in a fucking cult and you don't realize it.
	I just don't want to make everyone's text green.
	That's it.
	I know, but don't love to see it.
	That's the trick they're talking about.
	I know.
	I know, they got it.
	Son, if America used WhatsApp, Apple's stock would plummet.
	And listen, and I'm going to stop you right now.
	You can't shame or embarrass me in the switching.
	I don't give a fuck.
	Keep your iPhone.
Headset vs The Phone 00:11:11
	You know what I'm saying?
	And I don't give a fuck about ruining your group chat.
	I don't even like being in group chats.
	But that's maybe why you do it, because you get to be alone.
	I get to be alone.
	Don't throw me in the group chat for what?
	I don't want to be in no group messaging.
	Because I can't, because you can't leave.
	And there's like, because nothing pisses me off more than I get a group, I get a group chat and there's four people in there who number I don't have.
	Who is this people?
	Now you just gave them my number.
	Now they pass my defenses.
	I'm going to check.
	Indians will just put you on family group chats in WhatsApp.
	And let me see.
	All right.
	I'm going to ruin it.
	21 messages, 111.
	There's one that I just deleted.
	It's always like 87.
	It's just always running.
	All right.
	If you want to smoke, throw me in the group chat.
	I'm going to tell you.
	What are you going to do?
	Bro, I'm going to ruin it.
	What do you mean?
	Because some people don't listen to you.
	They'll throw you in one anyway.
	I'm like, all right.
	It's going to be the last one you, the last time you do that shit.
	I mean, how do you nuke a group chat, though?
	Like, what's the, like, just.
	It depends on who's in the group chat.
	It's all shit.
	People don't want to talk about it in front of their parents.
	They don't want to talk about it in front of their lady.
	You've done that?
	Oh, yeah.
	Why not?
	I asked you not to put me in the group chat so you knew what the consequences was going to be.
	You feel me?
	Yeah.
	And what do you say?
	You're like.
	Just whatever.
	Like, yo, how come I just ask an insensitive question?
	You're like a black Larry David.
	What?
	Yeah.
	No, I guess maybe I, maybe I have.
	It's really hitting me.
	You're just incredibly principled.
	You have a very sexy.
	Except I keep it more.
	I'm only opening it up because I'm talking to y'all.
	And I probably drank too much this early.
	Larry David keeps it in too, but the character is everything he wants to say.
	Do you drink coffee?
	When it's necessary.
	Like, if you were to go get like a cold brew at a coffee shop and the lady just pours it in the thing and all of a sudden the tip thing pops up.
	Like, do you tip on that?
	Like, if she just poured a little coffee?
	Yeah, I tip on it.
	That's fine.
	Even though she didn't do much.
	Yeah, well, I ain't trying to get into all that with people.
	Alex made me start tipping.
	Yeah, he got shit.
	He got it.
	You were anti-tip.
	Yeah.
	It was just like, I didn't like.
	For black people, tipping is another thing.
	To me, it was it's gratuity.
	You haven't even given me the fucking product yet.
	How am I gracious about this?
	What am I showing gratitude for?
	You took my orders?
	First scene in Reservoir Dogs.
	Yeah, but that's our cost.
	I'll tip.
	Why would I tip the fucking the guy at the bank?
	Is that the lab?
	Do you guys tip the teller at the bank?
	It's a good point.
	I don't tip, and I'll over tip some people.
	Grocery delivery, you carrying fucking grocery.
	I'm going to tip fairly handsomely on that, I think.
	I don't want to speak presumptuously.
	No, no.
	We're doing, I've done like $12 orders and like $20 tips because I also see those guys.
	A lot of times I'm not going to be able to do that.
	But that's your bad for me.
	You've seen me asking my bad form.
	I don't feel bad for the barista.
	I'm a fucking cup.
	What amount of money could be missing out of your bank account that you wouldn't notice?
	30 cents.
	Like you go to check your bank account.
	If it's $20 missing, would you notice?
	No.
	So then what you crying about?
	It's an amount of money that's nothing to you.
	And this is shit I think you would relate to.
	What do I think you deserve for what you did?
	Yeah, but that's not.
	It's not about my money.
	It's about...
	Yeah, I understand what you're saying.
	And some of these baristas, they're just giving you a little bit of attitude, then they flip that fucking thing.
	You ever have somebody get nice to you right when it's time to tip?
	You have a waiter be kind of shitty the whole time, and then right when they drop off the check, all of a sudden they're real gracious about it.
	You, I'm under tipping now.
	Just tip a dollar, tip whatever.
	I tip a dollar now because he made me at the coffee shop, yeah.
	But I used to just be like, You haven't done anything, I don't know what I owe you.
	You're a fucking smug marista.
	There's a certain amount of social lubrication, too.
	So, even though it doesn't make sense, you're like, Am I really just gonna start a thing over this?
	Especially you go there regularly?
	Yeah, I don't feel I'm starting a thing at the coffee shop, I didn't, but now I'll do it.
	They remember if you go to the same place, they're gonna.
	Can I tell you something?
	I'll sign and flip it around if I want to tip.
	I'm not gonna pretend we didn't tip.
	Here you go, there you go.
	But it sounds like you're looking for reasons to not tip.
	Oh, that's for sure.
	What are we doing wrong in America?
	Um, we're being nice to everybody.
	What do you mean by that?
	I think I think people should be.
	No, I just think people are scared to be rude now.
	They people are scared of being recorded being rude, so people and nobody's being honest, so they're acting like they're cool with shit that they're not.
	For example, uh, you know, like the bitch getting the bitch just knocked down on the dahlia and getting in the diamond medallion land.
	So, everybody's being polite because we don't want to be on camera representing a part of our personality that we could be shamed for.
	Exactly.
	So, we're worried about social shame, and therefore, we're operating in a fake way in the world.
	Is everyone confrontable?
	We need more people that don't give a fuck, right?
	Because then they'll allow other people to also not give a fuck.
	And by not giving a fuck, then we will be more authentic and honest with one another.
	Check the entitled people who might be trying to get away with too much, I think.
	Right, right.
	Sometimes the entitled people are scary, though.
	Like in my neighborhood, there's this like giant dude, Dominican guy, Jacked steroids.
	He's got a dog off the lease, pitbull.
	Yeah, that's a little crazy.
	Off the leash, and the pit bull shits on the sidewalk, okay, and then he keeps on walking.
	And I've seen it happen like twice.
	And what you do about it?
	I fucking walked away.
	Wow, what would you do?
	It's a pitbull off the leash and a giant dude.
	He's talking about the Dominican.
	There's no dog.
	You're saying he's a giant dude, like you're scared of him.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	So he's still action.
	I'd be like, yo, can you curb your dog?
	I can be scared of another grown man.
	That is crazy.
	There's no guy you're scared of?
	He bleeds just like you.
	Yeah, but you have to make him bleed.
	I'm just fucking with you.
	I mean, you're making smart decisions when you get a pistol.
	You can't in New York.
	I'm just saying.
	That's why we got pit bulls.
	Yeah, are you serious?
	I mean, is it serious enough for you where you would hurt a motherfucker?
	No.
	I'm not going to go fight a guy over dog shit, literally.
	Okay, so then what you crying about?
	I don't get it.
	But I'm saying, is this someone that you would be like, hey, man, you got to pick up the dog shit?
	And he goes, oh, what are you going to do about it?
	And then what?
	Oh, then, then, oh, I see what you're saying.
	So if I try to be cordial, it's like, hey, man, you mind picking up your dog?
	Yeah, and you go, and you go, fuck you.
	I'm good.
	I wouldn't say another word to him, but I would slowly start planning revenge, though.
	So you give people a chance.
	Yeah, because look, do the thing.
	Well, what I'm not going to do is be uncomfortable where I live at.
	Yeah, I ain't asking you.
	I'm not asking you to do something unreasonable.
	Right.
	I'm not being able to do that.
	What does revenge look like?
	I don't know.
	Maybe, you know, maybe hiding some fucking laxative and some bacon on the lawn of trails or the dog.
	So when the dog gets back to the house, I was thinking the exact same thing.
	I'm like, oh, hide some laxative in the middle of the day.
	I almost doggy treats.
	I almost thanked this dude the other day.
	There's this dude who was almost homeless with a pit bull the other day.
	I'm in.
	Almost homeless?
	Yeah, they got those in New York.
	White guys that are like, he was a black dude, but it was close.
	It was like, he had the pit bull.
	He's almost homeless.
	We're at this park.
	Okay.
	And it's a kid's singing class.
	My daughter, you know, they're just like five months old.
	They don't know what the fuck they're doing, but it's something for them to do.
	Whatever.
	They do it outside.
	No, watch, watch it.
	They do it outside so they don't got to pay rent.
	Okay.
	So we're outside singing, and this dude had a pit bull, right?
	What you want?
	You want tequila?
	No.
	We'll get some more tequila.
	No, that one's not good.
	That's just for show.
	Oh, that's not good.
	Actually, it is good.
	This one?
	Yeah, that's harsh.
	Oh, it might be strong.
	We'll get some more tequila here.
	Miles, ask them to bring some more tequila.
	Okay.
	Anyway, and some ice too, Miles.
	So this dude had his pit bull.
	He was on a leash.
	And it's just a bunch of infants around.
	And the pit bull turned around and like barked a couple times.
	Okay.
	And all these parents are so polite.
	They're not going to ask the guy who's got his fucking shoes off with the pit bull to not do anything.
	And he saw the dog bark.
	And the guy got his fucking feet out.
	Like, you know, I don't know what's going on.
	And he saw the dog bark and he called the dog over and he put a muzzle on the dog and they just kept back enjoying his day.
	And I almost went to him after and was like, yo, thank you for doing that thing that made everybody else feel comfortable without us having to have this awkward social interaction where I got to ask you to make the kid feel comfortable because you've got the dog that eats the kids.
	I wish I actually thanked him because I think that behavior needs to be rewarded.
	Yeah.
	Like he did the right thing for no reward.
	He was considerate.
	But he was considerate.
	Considerate.
	And in New York, so oftentimes people are not.
	Everybody's in their own world because there's like millions of people here.
	You just ignore everybody around you.
	That's why I did finally try the Cats Daily that everybody's talking about.
	Yes.
	But I will never go in there again.
	I almost exploded in that place.
	Wait, why?
	Because it's an hour wait in line.
	Yeah.
	And what happens is, I'm not going to say the race of people, but what happens is sometimes people will because you ever walk in there, there's like 10 different cutters for you to walk up to.
	So they give you a ticket and you're not supposed to have more than two people on one ticket.
	But this family of like 10 decided to put two people in there to order for the whole family.
	So now it's 10 tickets.
	Right.
	So now that's right.
	So now the line I'm in, I'm, you know, everyone behind this lady is waiting like an hour for this guy to make 10, you know, and I'm sitting there the whole time like, and it's just everything in me.
	You know, and then they put the little samples up there, you know, and I wanted to be like, really, this, you don't know what brisket tastes like?
	You here for the brisket.
	Yeah, you've been in line for an hour and a half.
	Exactly.
	It's not like it's like some exotic Cambodian dish, right?
	It's a fucking hot dog.
	Yeah.
	So I just, you know, I can't do anywhere where I have to, where people have to like be thoughtful.
	Yeah.
	I just see, but the thing is, New York, we kind of call it how it is.
	So I think other people online would have respected the fact if you called that family up.
	Yeah, it's not as good.
	Like we would have picked you up.
	California.
	But I'm like, but listen, I'm like, I'm in the middle of an iconic Jewish deli.
	Yeah.
	I didn't think I was going to have to New York for the New Yorkers.
	I was like, but it ain't.
	New Yorkers there.
	New Yorkers don't go there.
	Right, right.
	A New Yorker would never wait an hour for a sandwich.
	But I don't think you can fake it either, though.
	What do you mean?
	Like, you can't, people ain't going to, you can't fake the attitude.
	But that's just who you naturally.
	Hey, I'm New Yorking over here, everybody.
	No, it would be weird because you're with tourists.
	But if it happened at like a real New York establishment, if that was going on, it'd be like, yo, this is crazy.
	So it's the real, what's up?
	Cats is not a real spot?
	It was.
	Yeah, it was.
	And I think now it's mostly tourists.
	Man, the food is fire.
	It's a tourist spot now.
Tourist Spot Food Fire 00:12:09
	Okay.
	All right.
	Let's say you're on the train.
	And it's a little packed, all right?
	And you're trying to sit down.
	It's been a long day.
	You're exhausted.
	And there's a guy sitting there.
	He's playing music.
	He's got his feet up on the seat.
	And you want to go sit down.
	What do you do?
	Can you move your feet, please?
	And all of a sudden, he's like, nah, nah.
	Go sit over there.
	Am I bigger than him?
	Yeah.
	Oh, move your feet.
	Oh, hell yeah.
	Yeah, I'll escalate real quick.
	You'll take it there.
	Oh, yeah.
	And if you're not bigger than him, then what?
	Um, you guys gotta eat that.
	Yeah, like I'm saying, you'd be down to fight.
	Don't put yourself in a situation where you're gonna where you're gonna lose anything.
	You would be down to fight, though.
	I would be down to threaten.
	Obviously, I don't want to fight, but if I'm bigger than you, I'm gonna take the chance that you're a little bitch, especially since you need so much fucking room.
	Yeah, yeah, that's bitch behavior.
	Have you has that ever gone sideways for you?
	Oh, yeah.
	Do you get in a lot of fights?
	No, not anymore.
	But you used to.
	But I mean, I'm pretty good at avoiding bigger guys.
	No, no, no.
	But otherwise, but like most of the time, you can reason with people.
	Yeah.
	If you deal with somebody unreasonable, you should probably just get out of the situation.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Most because I because I learned from being from like working the door so many places.
	Most men just want to save face.
	Yeah.
	So as long as you ain't trying to make a man look like a bitch in front of his woman, then it gets old.
	Yeah.
	But if you pull somebody to the side, you're like, hey, man, look, I know what's going on.
	Like, you can reason with most men.
	Women, you know, it's really 50-50 whether they're going to be logical or not.
	Yeah.
	So it ain't about 50-50 of those 0100.
	Yeah.
	90% of the time my shows are interrupted by drunk white girls.
	Yeah, of course.
	If I see a white bitch with a tiara, I know she's going to ruin the whole show.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'm going to definitely have to speak to her.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Anyway, anything that makes a white lady feel special, you see a sash.
	Oh.
	You see a crown?
	Yeah.
	What do you think that is?
	Why do you think they need that?
	Why do they need to feel special?
	Like, oh, it's my birthday week or whatever.
	I have no idea, man.
	Because I think if you ask them, they're going to be like, it's, you know, the patriarchy, you know, something like that.
	And I'd like to try to take them at their word, but that shit don't make sense.
	Yeah.
	So I don't know.
	I think some people just want to, if they feel powerless in their real life, they want to feel powerless or powerful.
	Yeah.
	So maybe that's it.
	But I don't know.
	But almost every show, you got to tell somebody, I don't care that it's your birthday.
	You know, yeah.
	Yeah.
	You're not special.
	What is your day when you're like at a club?
	You're doing a club weekend.
	What is Saturday like for you?
	Wake up, gym, best buy.
	Wait, why best buy?
	I don't know.
	Best buy is so soothing to me.
	I like to walk through a best buy.
	You just like to be amongst the gadgets.
	What's wrong with that?
	So you find a best buy after the gym and you just go peruse the best buy.
	Yeah, I usually peruse the best buy, get my mind off things, maybe make a little perk.
	Because you got to understand, like that when I walk through there, it's like all this stuff I used to walk through Best Buy and I couldn't afford.
	Now you got it.
	I'm not going to buy any of that shit.
	And now so I walk through like, I'm like one day, have that over there with that.
	Yeah.
	So it's just my little place.
	Yeah, go to Best Buy, go get some food, like go to a nice little, good little steak or something, and then straight to the show.
	And then shows.
	Are there days where you won't talk to anybody before you go on stage?
	Oh, yeah.
	You mean a perfect day?
	Yeah.
	I have those every now and then.
	You know?
	Oh, man.
	When you don't see nobody all day.
	That's the best, man.
	That's so funny.
	My experience on the road is like completely different.
	Because I would have those days where I didn't talk to anybody before I went on, and I always felt weird.
	Like I want to warm up the social interaction before I have the highest stakes version of it where I'm on stage.
	No, there's very few people that I can be in a room with and I feel like I'm, and I still feel as relaxed as if I'm alone.
	Really?
	Yeah, but certain people can, Derek, you and Derek can.
	Like if it's before a show, like before I shot my special, it was like everybody needs to get out except him.
	Really?
	Yeah, a couple of comics usually comics.
	Yeah.
	If it's a comic that I respect, then them being there doesn't make me feel like there's someone here that I need to meet.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	So Derek will give you your space to just kind of do your thing.
	He don't need my attention.
	He don't need attention.
	He don't need to be making it.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	But yeah, alone, that's perfect.
	That's the bees knees.
	Yeah.
	And that's why, like, when people go on the road with me, like, that's the first thing I always say tonight.
	You ain't got to do none of the shit I'm doing.
	In fact, I prefer you don't.
	Interesting.
	You know?
	Do you enjoy the attention you get on stage?
	Because for me, I remember wanting attention when I was younger.
	Now that I get it on stage, I don't care for it.
	But like, well, you know what?
	I realized for me, it's not about attention, it's about control.
	It's the fact that the fact that I'm in charge, it's no variables.
	Yeah.
	Well, the Tiara happens and that drives you crazy because now you're not in control.
	Because now I got to fucking vibe.
	And the thing is, those people, they don't realize that they're doing that shit at your expense.
	Yeah.
	And the other people there too.
	Yeah.
	When you interrupt, then I have to still make it funny.
	Yeah.
	And if I don't make it funny, it's still me that didn't make it funny.
	And so you're doing it at no like no risk to yourself.
	You think that everybody is trying to aggrieve you, huh?
	No, but I'm just not going to give you the opportunity.
	Have you been sued before?
	No, I've never been sued.
	No.
	No.
	But I have got God.
	Have you ever got God?
	Yeah, all the time.
	Yeah, enough times of getting God and you're going to bat your head on a swivel.
	Like, how have you gotten God?
	But you have to be careful not to appear paranoid.
	That's the thing.
	I think that ship has sailed for you.
	For me?
	Yeah.
	No, what I do is I just go to extraordinary lengths to avoid things that irritate me.
	You know, but I'm not everywhere just constantly complaining.
	You know why?
	Because I'm not everywhere.
	I be at the crib.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I just don't be there.
	You know.
	Wait, when have you gotten God?
	That's why, listen, if you ask any, if my reputation in the comedy world is that I'm chill.
	I'm always chilling.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	So even, but I'm always also always irritated.
	Yeah.
	But you ain't never heard no stories of me flipping out because I leave.
	Because the way you handle your irritation is you exit.
	Yeah.
	I'm living at about a three.
	Once I'm over five, I'm leaving.
	I'm leaving.
	And some shit sent me straight to 10.
	So I avoid all those situations.
	That's why I check a bag.
	Man, we had this whole argument about checking the bags.
	Because you were like, why do you check a bag?
	I would never check a bag if I don't have to at the airport.
	Right.
	Well, everyone's giving me shit about it.
	But the truth is, not checking a bag only makes sense if waiting for your bag irritates.
	Is the number one concern?
	I have another one, but see, for me, my maximum irritation comes from me waiting for people.
	So, because I like to get on the plane last.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	I don't want to get on early because I don't want to be sitting there the whole time.
	But what happens is sometimes people will take, no, they will take the above space.
	So you got to put your shit back deeper.
	Yeah.
	And then you got to wait for all these fucks to get off the plane before you get off the plane.
	And that is the moment where I might fucking spop my, you know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And so to avoid that moment, I don't put nothing above.
	Everything gets checked.
	Yeah.
	And it keeps it from stealing from you.
	Son, I had a girl grab my fucking suitcase out of the overhead, go to leave the airport, left her suitcase, thought mine was hers, different color, different shape, different weight.
	All night, she was still in the suitcase when I went home.
	But she just, this dumb bitch just reached up, grabbed the wrong suitcase, and left the airport.
	This drove our cost crazy.
	And it is an infuriating thing that happens.
	Absolutely.
	How did you get it?
	How did you track her down?
	Big cab.
	The guy who shoots and edits all my stuff.
	He was like, yo, she might have a tag.
	I didn't even think about that.
	I'm so fucking irritated.
	Open the tag up.
	There's a phone number.
	We call her like four times.
	Finally, she calls back.
	And then what annoyed me is she seemed pretty apologetic on the phone, but then when she came, she was just a little embarrassed and she was like, sorry, and then left.
	But I need like a profuse apology.
	That was like an hour of my life that you just had my fucking suitcase.
	And also, your suitcases don't look the same.
	Yes.
	Different size, different color, and her, she was heavy.
	I think she just didn't want to carry a goddamn suitcase if I'm being honest.
	Mine was light.
	It was a two-day trip.
	Wow.
	That would drive me crazy.
	I would have to have a crazy case.
	I was annoyed.
	I wouldn't have told you.
	You were nice to her, weren't you?
	I wanted to, so I felt bad because she was older.
	But I was going to be like, I'm going to ask her, just what were you thinking?
	I just need to know, not even angry.
	I just need to know how you made this mistake.
	And then she was older.
	So I was like, ugh.
	Nah, you got to.
	She, at the very least, deserved an over-the-shoulder, you know, dumbass bitch.
	You know, like, oh, stupid.
	Pour some water in the suitcase.
	Yeah.
	What are you thinking is what I wanted.
	What do you, I just need to know what.
	Did it never occur to you that this suitcase was a different color?
	It rolled differently.
	It's a different brand.
	Like, it just none of you.
	She was drinking.
	She must have been drunk.
	She wasn't thinking.
	Yeah.
	Bro, I had, I had one, so you know, if your flight gets delayed due to weather, they don't owe you nothing.
	They don't owe your whole life.
	Oh, that drives me crazy.
	Maybe big up there.
	So I had a layover in Seattle, and I was pretty much going to be in the airport for like 10 hours.
	Right.
	And I kept going out, coming back in to smoke, blah, blah, blah.
	Then the morning shift people get there.
	And now it's a problem with my shea butter.
	Now, you know, enough black people, the shea butter is like rock.
	Solid, yeah.
	Like you need a fucking blowtorch to get it.
	Right.
	If you get, and so this dude, this black TSA agent is like, yeah, you can't take this through.
	And I'm like, bro, I've taken this through here like 15 times in a row.
	He's like, yeah, I don't know what to tell you.
	He's like, you can't take butter on a plane.
	I was like, it's not butter.
	It's shea butter.
	And he calls over the supervisor.
	He calls over this white dude.
	And before the dude even gets it, he goes, can he have butter on the plane?
	Knowing that the white dude doesn't know right.
	He's like, of course not.
	And walks off.
	So he takes my fucking shea butter.
	And it wasn't my shea butter because it was high quality shit.
	And so now I'm in Billings, Montana, one of the driest places in America with no fucking moisturization.
	And there's no black sections in the CBS.
	There's no urban curls.
	None of that shit.
	And so, and so that moment burned in mind.
	I said, never again.
	Never again.
	So I check.
	I check bags.
	Because I could have killed somebody.
	You know what I mean?
	He deserves.
	Because if I ever see that motherfucker again, I'm going to get revenge.
	You know what he looks like?
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, looking fucking moist.
	Remarkably slick.
	You've never seen how clean he looks.
	Yeah.
	It's like, yeah, I know what he looks like.
	I will never forget that face.
	And I'll never forget the smug way he fucking.
	Can he bring butter on a plane?
	Right.
	Why can't you?
	Because you knew exactly what he had.
	You knew what you were doing, bro.
	You used his cultural ignorance against me.
	That's got to be the most diabolical black-on-black shit.
	Yeah.
	To be like, I'm going to use what this white man definitely don't know about our culture to fuck a black man over.
	Yo, he used to be.
	Out of his moisture.
	Yeah.
	And now you just look fat.
	Yeah.
	This guy's trying to bring butter on him.
	He said it loud.
	That's why they get hypertension.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And because here's the thing, man, black people know that being ashy is such a big in our community.
	Like for you to send me off being ashy.
	Yeah, it's a little crazy.
	Yeah.
	He didn't like you.
	There's something about you he didn't like.
	Yeah, what do you think it was?
	He just wanted the shea butter.
He Just Wanted Shea Butter 00:02:44
	Or was it a power thing?
	Behind his back.
	Oh, no, man, but you know what?
	But I do know.
	I do know that like sometimes when you have a visceral negative reaction to somebody, right, when you meet them, like, and you don't have a good reason, it's usually because there's some trait in them that you hate in you.
	Like, you see it in them and you hate it about yourself.
	Will you suspend all of your grievances on social interaction for pussy?
	Temper.
	I would, but not solely that it would have to be like, I mean, I have gone both ways.
	I've been like overcome by lust or whatever, lonely, whatever.
	But most of the time, I'm, I got most of the time I stay loyal to, I stay true to the soil.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	And what do what do girls that you're dating do when you stay true to the soil?
	Oh, they stop dating me.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	And that's, and you're okay with it.
	You're like, I'm not bending for this shit at all.
	Yeah, bye, bitch.
	Wow.
	Has there ever been one where you're like, I really liked her, but I just couldn't, she just couldn't handle my idiosyncrasies.
	Oh, yeah, every single one.
	And there's no sadness.
	There's no like, I could have, I could have let that go.
	I could have let that one little thing go.
	Nah, bitch, listen, I understand that I'm complicated.
	And listen, sometimes you just got to put the Rubis Cube down and walk the fuck away.
	You don't got to think about it.
	You don't get to blame me if you keep twisting it.
	You don't even have a plan.
	Yeah.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I don't know the answer either.
	This is just what it is.
	Nah, bro.
	This is the math book, and the answers ain't in the back.
	This is Larry David.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Yeah.
	The impossible solution.
	Whatever, nigga.
	This is Larry David.
	Remember when he wanted Cheryl back and then immediately they got back together?
	Yeah, because what he really wanted was, what he really wanted was for Cheryl to not have left him.
	Yeah.
	He didn't really want her back.
	He wanted to be invited to the party.
	Exactly, but he didn't want to go to the party.
	Brian Simpson, ladies and gentlemen.
	Brian Simpson.
	Brian, let them know where they can see you.
	Hey, listen, I'm going to be actually, I'm coming back here, New York City on October 12th.
	Oh, amazing.
	And I'm also going to be at the Wilbur the day before that.
	That's 11th in Boston.
	And I'm going to be at the Punchline Philly in September.
	Amazing.
	And I think that's all the next shit that's coming up.
	Also, go watch my special live from the mothership, currently streaming right now on Netflix.
	Let's go.
	And check out my podcast, BS with Brian Simpson, on YouTube and all the other stuff.
	First special from the mothership.
	First special from the mothership.
	Go check it out, man.
	It's fantastic.
	It's outstanding.
	Yeah, it is.
	It is.
	It is.
	Brian is brilliant.
	Brilliant comedian.
	God that.
	Thank you so much for your time.
	I appreciate it.
	My boy.
	I appreciate you.

Chapters

00:00:00 Waiting for the Bag
00:14:22 Threatening a Witness
00:29:40 Killing Shirley Temple
00:33:42 Best Jai in City
00:48:23 Jerking Off to Grandma
00:50:32 Nerd Out Alone
00:52:50 Hate Your Passions
00:58:33 Movie Night Satisfaction
01:03:04 Asking Rogan About DMT
01:11:38 Quick Single-Serving Justice
01:22:54 Google Spy on Me
01:31:28 Headset vs The Phone
01:42:40 Tourist Spot Food Fire
01:54:50 He Just Wanted Shea Butter