Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect Mark's grandmother's controversial WWII past, debating the ethics of mocking deceased relatives while analyzing an upcoming India vs. USA cricket match in Long Island. They argue Caitlin Clark's Olympic exclusion was a business error that could stifle WNBA growth, contrast Will Smith's Bad Boys redemption with industry shifts toward lower-budget storytelling, and critique Fallout's handling of trans characters, asserting that ignoring identity breaks realism unless differences are acknowledged organically like race or supernatural traits. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Grandma's Heart Attack Story00:14:56
My grandmother, she had a heart attack.
Where it is.
And she's old.
She's like 97 years old.
I have genuinely no idea how old.
She lived in World War II.
She lived in it.
Yeah.
Where?
In England.
Oh, really?
She like had a pop in the bomb coming.
Was she just getting spit roasted in there?
No, I didn't know.
You do crazy.
No, you do crazy shit.
When you're under duress.
When you're under duress, you f ⁇ ing crazy shit.
You get horny.
You got sons.
Titan.
Titan.
Nah, we're not asked.
And all the of age males, they was out there fighting.
So she was taking down 15-year-olds.
First bonus straightened your grandma.
Oh, no.
First hot.
Oh, we got soil.
Yo, come on, Al, get back.
You don't even realize something we learned about Dove as well, that he doesn't even know what good head is.
This fucking idiot.
Okay, okay, guys.
This guy been talking about all the head he gets in every single time.
I've gotten spectacular hat.
I got spectacular hats.
Oh, my God.
Every single time.
Every single girl he looks up at this.
I've gotten spectacular hats.
It's phenomenal head.
And I had enough.
I said, describe good head.
You don't have to remember this on the desk.
I had enough.
I want to reminisce.
I ain't had head in forever.
So I go, I go, tell me what good head is.
Describe it to me.
And he goes, oh, well, it's something about the savoir faire.
Shut up.
I go, I'm going to tell you what good head is.
And I say three things.
Did you say it before?
No, Volus.
I know.
I go, I'm going to say three things.
Matter of fact, I'm not even going to say what the fuck it is.
Tell me what makes good head good.
Three things.
Go.
Three rules.
Very sloppy.
Hold on one second.
Hold on one second.
What I got to say is.
What I got to say is.
What I got to say is, hold on.
When Dove was asked, what is good head?
He's like, if my sheets are clean, if my pillows are flawed, if the bathroom is closed, he's making up shit that got nothing to do with head.
I bet you get the order that I said the three in.
You can do any order.
But I get, I bet you you get the order.
First is sloppy.
Go.
Pressure now.
What's next one?
It's no pressure.
Go with your heart.
Just like adore the dick.
Like, that's three.
That's three.
That's three.
Now you got three.
But go on, go on.
Which is love what you do.
Love your job.
Love your job.
Yeah.
You love your job.
You don't work a day in your life.
You love your job.
You don't work a day in your life.
Damn.
I don't know if this counts, but like when you're coming, she has to continue and suck in.
It takes the soul out your body.
You don't like me that money.
Listen, I'm going to give it to you, but.
It takes the soul out your body.
I'm going to give it to you, but okay.
What I said is she has to know how to jerk it right while she's doing it.
But but this is something that girls, they make this mistake a lot, and it's very unfortunate.
They walking up the down escalator.
Oh, they're jerked down.
Where are you trying to get to come?
Down?
Which way to come goes?
No, you're fracking.
Did I come down?
Now we are fracking.
Yeah.
The come is in the earth.
Unearth it.
Get to come out the earth.
Frack it out.
Frack it out.
It's all.
Oh.
Beverly Hillbillies.
We're going to be.
Let's fucking go.
Get the oil out.
This guy said, oh, the best head is after I text my mom, I landed in a plane.
What the fuck this got to do with that?
It's so funny.
She's got nothing to do with that.
She has good stories.
You never had good heads.
Joe.
Never.
I don't even think he had good pussy.
That's not to say that.
No, He's had so much sex, he just doesn't know what's good and bad.
And we just ruined it for him.
Before we had that conversation, every head he got was amazing.
No.
Now it's ruined.
Never said it like that.
I gave you rankings.
It doesn't matter.
Sitting in a room with three married men who haven't gotten a head in years.
Yeah, yeah.
No.
The game has gotten.
I got a head once.
The green room.
Fucking me.
I haven't got a head in years.
I got a head once.
The green room has become a dark place.
I was an aggressive man.
I don't agree.
Yo, you got to sneak it in sometimes.
What the hell?
You got to sneak it in sometimes.
How does that work?
I told my wife.
Yawning.
Yeah, you got to throw it in there.
Get it where you can.
Get it where you can.
That's your wife.
That's your wife.
That's your wife for life.
I catch my wife yawning.
Don't yawn crazy.
Don't yawn crazy.
Don't be tired.
I know you haven't slept for four months with this baby.
A yawn might come out.
Bow.
I know.
It's crazy.
It's true.
Okay.
Wait, Dove, your best head.
What's the criteria you rank it on?
I want to hear.
Same things.
He's just bro.
He literally cleans.
He said he just hates messes.
He hates messes.
Son, this guy, I said, what is the most important thing about head?
The most important thing.
He goes, if I was able to use a discount card on the channel.
That's Andy.
He didn't list one single thing about lips, tongue, saliva, nothing.
Every man you ask, the first thing they say is slop.
Slop.
Not one dude, not one dude that we asked has not said anything but slop.
I painted a picture first of elegance of a knight.
He hates his duvet getting messy.
That's really what it is.
I'm telling you.
It is.
A girl says, I'm glad to come.
Dove stops.
I swear to God, dude.
I think you mentioned, like, if you're in a hotel room, get two beds.
Have one bed.
That's crazy.
He did the Jew thing.
Isn't that crazy?
No.
He said it to us like he.
You have a hookup bed in a sleeping bed.
He said, when she's on her period, you can't touch her for seven weeks.
It's crazy.
That's facts, though.
Now, wait, what?
Seven weeks?
No, you're Jewish.
Seven weeks.
Seven weeks.
That's what my wife tells me at least.
She's like, she's Jewish.
Yeah, yeah.
She's all of a sudden.
She's a revert.
Okay.
But this is very important.
This is very important.
He also doesn't have a stroke game.
Because I asked him to demonstrate his stroke.
I was like, yo, Dove, just show me how you hit him.
I wasn't doing it because I saw his story.
Yeah, because I literally go, how do you hit doggy style, right?
And he goes, oh, well, I kind of go like that.
That's how you hit your dog.
You're fracking.
It's straight back.
Straight back.
He only has sex on his back.
You don't know what that is.
What do you think?
By duty, it's hamstring things at the gym for what are they?
No, no, but what is that?
Uh, hamstring extensions?
Oh, glute bridges?
Glute bridges.
Yeah.
Damn.
Come on, dude.
Damn.
You got it, Andrew.
Let me see your pump.
Come on, pump and I'll pump.
I just pumped.
I just showed you my pump.
I'm in the middle.
Come here.
Come on, come on.
No, no, no.
What is your stroke like?
Well, it depends.
Yo, Al, show us your stroke.
No, but it depends because I was behind the couch.
I wasn't all the way not with Dove because if she's lame, you made me queef just talking about that.
Yo, just yo, just that whole thing.
She worried about your stroke.
That smells so fucking strong.
Holy shit.
So shake your cell, shut up.
Yo, so shit, too, bro.
He's your ass, though.
Get used to it.
We're going to India, USA tomorrow.
So he smells about to be present.
Go wipe.
I got a wipe, bro.
Stop the pop for a second.
I shut up.
Because it smells.
I even smell it.
I think if I get off this seat, you're going to see it start leaking through the bottom.
I think I shit to the bottom.
You got a fucking thumbprint.
I think I shit to the bottom of the floor, bro.
This is a problem, guys.
Go look, man.
Huh?
Go look.
I don't want to get up.
I'm embarrassed.
Can I look?
Yo, can I be embarrassed?
Let me look.
Come on.
No, I'm not letting you look.
Let me look.
I'm not letting you look.
Let me check.
No.
Who's hey?
Show your strokes right there.
Show yourself.
Yo, no guy is confident enough in his stroke to show up.
That's a stroke is trash.
But that's the thing.
Will you show your stroke?
No, why is Bill confidential?
I'm a Catholic.
Yo, we got to talk about your grandma.
We did hijack that story.
My bad.
Oh, yeah.
How did my grandma make you think of it?
We were talking about head and no, because your grandma had a stroke.
She had a stroke, right?
A heart attack.
Oh, she had a heart attack from that.
I thought she had a stroke.
No, no, she had a straight line.
She was getting good strokes during World War II.
I was being facetious.
I was being facetious.
Oh, I know that.
I don't think she was fucking underage guys in a bunker.
She was under.
What?
Wait.
We got that.
Your grandma was 24 years old.
And there were some young English dudes out there like, oh, how about me?
My mates get on you and fill up all your hoes.
Oh, shit.
Right?
And she was like, all right, you can't fill up all my hose.
My house is not to be filled.
I'm waiting for my boyfriend.
He's out fighting and all sees.
I can't do it.
Oh, it's so wrong for you to fill up all my hoes.
Oh, I just dropped my crumpet.
I have to pick it up.
God forbid someone filled me hoe.
I was on the ground.
Do you know what I mean?
My mates.
And then some snaggle-toothed fucking Welsh kid was probably bald than your grandma.
Which is fucking crazy.
Some snaggle-tooth kid from fucking Wales.
Just had a heart attack.
Yeah, she okay.
Yeah.
I'm doing the math.
If she's 100 now, she's probably 18 in World War II.
No, no, no.
22.
During the Blitz when the Brits were in the subway, she's 13 or 14 years old.
If she's 97, God damn, she's dude.
Now, that's a different blitz.
We're not talking about, no, when your grandma got blitzed, how old was she?
What the fuck is going on right now?
Einz!
Vine!
Yo, for the sakes of this joke, she's 24.
All right?
Yeah, way fire.
She's 24.
It's getting absolutely crippled inside the bunker.
She's the oldest woman in the world.
She was getting grip.
Where did she get her third right?
Son.
It was not the only one that got a headshot.
All right.
I mean, fuck.
What was she known as?
What do they know her as?
They yawned her, didn't they?
Yawner?
She was yawned.
Fuck, you think he got his last name?
Y'all know.
Alex!
Alex from the top rope!
Alex from the top rope!
Come on!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
But you guys are dumping it in the broken broken bros!
Holy shit!
That was insane!
What y'all have done today is wrong.
Get some more Shablik.
We need more motherfucking Shabbat.
You're gonna drunk your Shablique.
Whoa, I'm saving it.
I'm just having a wee saving.
She's a war hero, bro.
She is a war hero.
She is a fucking war hero.
They turned her into a submarine.
Do you remember when they did that?
Put a bunch of semen in her.
Miles on the top rope.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
I expect it from them.
That was incredible, Mom.
That was incredible.
That was unbelievable.
I'm going to take all the credit.
I'm going to set you up perfectly.
Oh, fuck me.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
All right.
So tell us about your job.
Yo, can we just do a regular fucking podcast for one day?
It's fucked up.
I still want to know the rest of this.
Tell us the story about your grandma and she got gangrene or whatever.
Oh, no, that was when the U.S. showed up and fucked us.
Oh, fuck her.
Okay, okay.
I apologize.
No, but seriously, tell us about your grandma.
She got a fucking heart attack.
Yeah.
Hey, can you take this?
Yo, can you take it off yourself?
She got a heart attack.
She was using that rabbit vibrator to that's not funny.
Why is that brand name?
That's not funny, guys.
You would laugh at that.
I'm trying to sell a product.
You would laugh at the fact there's a 111-year-old woman just fucking trying to have an enjoyable end of her life.
That's funny to you guys.
Why is it the end of her life?
The last years of her life.
The last years of her life.
Why can't older women?
I hate the fact that we like.
You hate that.
I hate the fact that like older women aren't allowed to pleasure themselves.
They're not allowed to have sex.
When we do it, that they're scrutinized non-stop.
The villages, you know, that community that you always tell me about?
Yeah.
There's old people having sex there, and then people criticize them all the time.
Why can't they enjoy their bodies?
That's a good point.
Yeah, you hate that.
I fucking despise it.
Mark, I'm fucking infuriated by it.
I'm getting so mad.
You were talking about it this weekend.
All my grandparents are dead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because they couldn't take the shame.
Why are you here?
They couldn't take the shame.
Why are you crying?
They just couldn't take the shame, dude.
They couldn't take the shame.
They're full of shame.
And dick.
Oh, my God.
Okay, so what happened?
The doctors worked on that.
She didn't make it.
Don't do that.
Listen, R.I.P. R.I.P. She pulled it up for a real long time.
We need it.
Listen, I didn't know that she didn't make it.
That's kind of crazy.
Listen, that makes me feel a little bit bad.
We're going through it.
But I got to say this.
R.I.P. Resident Pussy.
For real.
Resident Pussy.
Okay.
She was the original D-Day.
In the bunkers in England, every day was D-Day.
They stormed her Normandy.
So, this is Grandma.
They did call her Normandy out for the way the dudes would storm that beach.
No, but in all seriousness, R.I.P. to Mark's grandma.
Yo, my.
We love y'all, man.
She mom gags.
Guys, show dates.
First of all, thank y'all so much.
We're selling it everywhere.
It's fucking fantastic.
And this June 21st and 22nd, I'm going to be at Good Night's Comedy Club in Raleigh.
I expect every Indian in Morristown or wherever that place is to come through.
June 28th and 29th, Buffalo, New York.
Then I'm off for a few weeks doing some private gigs, July 26th and 27th, Jacksonville.
And Hawaii, get your tickets.
I'm coming to the end of August, August 29th, and August 30th.
Honolulu, Hawaii, Blue Know Comedy Club.
Get your tickets for those shows and more at AkashSing.com.
Now let's get back to the show.
So, anything happened to you guys this weekend?
No, come on, Mark.
Come on, Mark.
Come on, Mark.
How's your family reacting to this episode?
Yeah.
I think they enjoy it a lot.
Family Reactions to the Episode00:14:35
She died.
Yeah.
No, but she's old.
It's okay.
That's what happened.
She lived a great life.
She did.
She lived an amazing life.
She lived an incredible life.
You guys are crazy.
Why are you crazy?
Crazy.
Are you kidding me?
I don't believe she died.
Yeah, she fucking died.
She died and did what she lived.
But she lived.
A lot of people don't live like that, getting turned into a profiter old for the 40s.
Didn't work a day in her life, dude.
She's going to call me.
She said, didn't work a day in her life.
She did.
Oh, my God.
I feel like you said.
Me?
No, I don't believe she died.
No, she did.
Maybe she's no, she did not.
She's dead, bro.
She's not dead.
Nah, she's not dead yet.
Wait, what?
I mean, eventually it will happen.
I hope that it doesn't happen for a while.
No, she's not.
But if she doesn't die forever.
When her life flashes before her eyes, what will she see?
I just think her children, probably the family, the kids that loved her.
What do you think?
She passed away.
Is she going to see the children over there too?
The older ones she has scattered around.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I mean, damn, Al.
Yo, we're talking about his grandma.
With all due respect, my bad.
You being disrespectful.
With all due respect.
I think that she will see.
I think she'll see her family, and I think that she'll see.
She is the great matriarch of the Gagnon clan.
Exactly.
And she will.
The funeral next week.
It's St. James Cathedral in Winter Park, Florida.
Yep.
So anybody who can make it, show up.
Don't spin cats.
That's so sad.
Oh, you guys are crazy.
You guys are crazy.
You guys are crazy people.
Y'all nuts.
Y'all are crazy.
Y'all are crazy.
Y'all want to just sit here and drink Chibli and do podcasts.
Y'all are really crazy for that.
I think I put a warrant on the bottle, dude.
What the hell?
That pregnancy warning on there.
You got to have a real warning on there.
Oh, my God.
Can we talk about some fucking real shit?
Please.
Come on, man.
Please.
There really was no end to this story.
I just want to tell you, I'm going through a hard time.
His grandma died, Al.
Out of some respect.
She did die.
She was full of calm her whole life.
And now she's dead.
She's not dead.
Mark's going through a hard time.
She went through very hard times.
You know what I mean?
It is what it is.
We're all here.
We're all living.
I can't believe that you're reacting in this way.
It's fucking immature.
Is it?
Yeah.
And fucking racist.
Yeah.
It's fucking racist.
We haven't talked about that enough.
You're joking about the dead, dude.
You're joking about the dead.
My body's not even cold yet.
No, you can still.
Yo, Al, you really need to stop it, dude.
You're getting fucking racist.
Yeah, you're a little crazy, dude.
The guys out there.
Stop it.
They like to stop it, bro.
Can you tell us really what happened?
She had a heart attack.
Okay?
She goes to the hospital.
Your mother says, hey, she had a heart attack.
Yep.
Okay.
What else?
What do you say?
There's nothing to say, dude.
Celebration of life.
Like, I don't know what you want me to say.
Had a heart attack.
Yeah.
Okay.
Tell us the original story that you that was the original story, bro.
That's it.
Yes.
It's sad.
She died, man.
Well, we all are going to die.
It's hard to do.
Why can't we make fun of dead people, bro?
I had a heart attack at like a 57 or whatever.
You know what I mean?
It is what it is.
Yeah, I was doing.
Yeah, we were potting.
Yeah.
You knew this about one of your closest friends.
Come on, you know this.
Crazy.
You know this.
You know this.
No, I don't know.
I remember she was having health shit.
I didn't know.
No, I think she's had a lot of health struggles, but I never know.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Are you correct?
I didn't know there was a heart attack.
How'd they even find out?
How'd they get through all that fucking chest meetings?
How do they even know?
Dude, there's no way they'd be even able to tell if there's a heart attack or not.
The chainsaw.
Yeah.
I mean, there's no way.
How?
Defibrillator was hard to get to.
It was hard to get it.
Yeah, you can't defibrillate that.
Nipples go crazy.
Sparks fly.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
You got to get the car battery shit.
What is they doing?
You got to start over.
Get the jumper cables, yo.
She had a heart attack.
Get off the jumper cables, yo.
Come on, yo.
At least she got a gallbladder.
Yeah, I know.
Your mom's bile duct is full of your dad's gum.
Got to get it.
That might be true.
That might be true.
That's why her gallbladder gets removed.
I don't know, man.
I think my dad might have knocked it a few times.
You know what I mean?
Them glute bridges.
That's how you knock a gallbladder out of place and then forgot he did it the next morning.
How crazy is that?
Penetrate your wife to the point where she got to get her gallbladder removed.
And then the next day, you're just like, more room for me.
Hilary, bro.
Caitlin Clark didn't even get some.
No, no, tell us what happened to her grandma.
It's a sad thing.
It's a sad thing.
Okay, she had a heart attack.
They put a stent in her or what?
No, it's a sad thing.
Why is it sad?
Just tell what's the rest of the story?
Third heart attack.
When was the first couple?
1942.
When the war was over.
When the Germans surrendered, she was like, oh, no.
I have to go up to land level.
Okay.
When those boys turned 18, that was her fucking discussion.
But in all seriousness, in all seriousness, no, she was going to the hospital.
You and all the family, you get a text like, yo, your grandma's got it from your mom.
Your grandma's having a heart attack.
She's probably, this might be it.
That's the text you get.
Yeah.
Okay.
Then what's the next text you get from your mom to the group?
God got a new angel today.
I hate him.
All right, fine.
No, she's dead in this house.
I'll tell you all on Pedro.
Next episode.
All right, fair enough.
If you want to know what really happened to Mark's grandma, patreon.com/slash flagrant.
Oh my God.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
But in seriously, can we talk about there's another story about Mark's mom, a roaring kitty.
Sorry, Mark's grandma.
Shit.
Oh, damn, fuck that up.
Sorry, sorry.
For some reason, grandma, it's fine to talk about.
Mom, it's with all dude.
It's worse than grandma.
Really?
But yeah, you didn't know yours.
That's why.
I don't feel anything.
Like, you can say whatever you want about my dad.
I didn't love you enough to live till you were born.
Yo, honestly, I'm starting to think that that's true.
How close was it?
What?
With my life?
Yeah.
I think her body was like riddled with cancer before I was even a zygote.
Oh, really, really?
Yeah, but my granddad refused to stay alive after meeting me.
I tell you, no, it's real.
Yeah.
Right?
He met me when I was really young and he's like, all right, I did it.
And then he was out.
Is he a smoker or something?
I think he was a smoker.
Of dicks?
Yeah.
You know, it's funny.
He smoked dicks.
That is funny.
You know what?
It is funny is that he was known to suck a lot of dicks and smoke on them.
But not, but really, he liked smoking them.
He was a big smoker.
No, no, no, but he was apparently a huge asshole.
Wow.
Oh, so when you were born, he was like, I did it.
I see myself reflected in the sun.
He's like, my work hair is tight.
He could just move on.
I saw my jeans.
But yeah, no, apparently, big, big fucking asshole.
I think when my grandma had cancer and she was in the hospital, I think he was cheating on her.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
My dad saw him and confronted him about it.
Kicked the chick out the house.
And it was like a friend in their community or something like that.
Whoa.
Foul.
Crazy.
Fucked up.
Whoa.
Why would your grandma do that?
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
How would you just divide like that?
That's so fucked.
Yo, I'm not lying.
She really did.
She really did ruin the family.
Like, Mark found his Jim Halpert cam here.
He's still in the office.
Okay.
Guys, can we be serious?
Any of you have family trauma you'd like to share?
It's just me and Mark.
It is a safe space.
My grandfather cheated on my grandmother, too.
Oh.
Oh, was there a hurricane?
He went to the fucking garden or something.
How did he do it?
Did he have another family?
No, no.
He was in love with another girl.
He just kept giving money to this girl.
And we're all like, we're not making what's good.
My grandma's like poor.
Yo, why is it weird that I have empathy for that?
Because he probably had an arranged marriage with your grandma.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
You know what?
This girl, he was like the most staunch, hated on Muslims all the time.
Obviously, the girl he's cheating with, Muslim.
Probably covering for his shame.
But like after he died, most of my family didn't even know this.
My mom and I were going through his stuff, found a bunch of like love letters he wrote.
It was crazy.
I actually texted you.
I was like, I'm with my mom.
I don't want to fucking be all emotional in front of her.
She's this, her dad.
So I'm just sitting here reading these letters.
I remember this.
Fuck, dude.
I thought your grandfather would be loyal to the soil, dude.
This is news to me.
I ain't coming this whole time.
I ain't coming this whole time.
I can't.
Oh, my God.
Have you reached out to this woman?
No, never.
Do you know where she lives?
No.
I got a crazy story, though.
She took money from my grandfather.
So give her money.
My grandfather borrowed it from one of my uncles, my hot cousin's dad.
She doesn't know that that guy is fucking crazy.
So he kept asking her for the money.
He was like, he shouldn't have given me this money.
I thought it was for him.
She wouldn't give it back.
He faxed her a letter threatening her.
Faxed her the letter.
She just has it.
He said something like, if you don't show up, I'm coming with a gun.
I need my money.
If you don't give me my money, not if you don't show up.
And then she got the money back.
But like, this guy's nuts, dude.
Just send that VFX in the funniest guy.
Damn it.
It's so funny, dude.
Oh, man.
Fuck.
Yeah.
I would love to read that.
So she gave back the money.
Oh, dude.
I don't know if she should have given it back.
It was given to her fair and square.
Yeah.
It was given to her fair and square, theoretically.
Yeah.
I mean, realistically, but he wasn't having it.
He was having it.
He don't play.
Oh, this is good.
Okay, what about you?
Give us some good family drama.
Well, he doesn't know his father, so it's tougher, dude.
All right, let's start with the mom's side.
That was really fucking mean of you.
I was trying to get a joke, dude.
It was a callback to hate that joke.
You're a real fucking joke.
You're a real.
Hey, listen, we don't talk about Bill's families like that on this podcast.
Okay, you're a real fucking toner.
You're right, So who is your mom having sex with that we can laugh about?
Wait a minute.
Your mom's not having sex with someone with all due respect.
No, she's not, unfortunately.
No.
That's sad.
You don't ever get sad for me.
Yo, you do get to have her, yeah.
Because she got a lot of energy.
Yo.
What I just said.
I just said.
I just said.
I just said with all due respect.
She got a lot of bounce.
She got a lot of bounce.
Yo, that was crazy.
I repeated it without even understanding what you said.
What you said was because you're thinking like that's crazy.
She has a vivacity to her.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
Vivaciousness.
I don't know if I use that word.
I would say, if we're talking about pure energy and pep in their step, balance, as you said.
Your mother and Doug's mother have the most.
They got a lot of miles left in the system.
Like, what I was saying.
Joe doesn't money.
Listen.
No, but you look at like a vintage car and you're like, oh, whoa, this is one car owner.
There's only 40,000 miles.
It doesn't matter that it was born in the 1960s or whatever.
You could still run that thing.
You could take that on a highway.
You could take that on a, you know, on a doom chase or something like that.
You could really take that anywhere.
You could even go mudding.
I'm just saying, wouldn't you guys agree?
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
My mom wanted all of Post Malone that night.
Really?
Oh, I remember that.
Yeah.
Well, no, because she got a little on the...
She was on the charcoal.
No, pre-chocolate.
She just has a crush on this guy.
She was going to clake on the show, and I was like, oh, surprise guest, post.
And she's like, I'm coming.
Is that...
Yeah, she was.
Does your mom have the desire that she needs met?
Do you feel like she needs that?
From post specifically?
No, no, no.
Just in general, just your desire that she needs met.
Mom is cool.
But post, there's a thing.
But is there a physical desire?
Yeah, how do you know if her needs are being met?
That's weird.
Isn't that weird?
My mom's a cool mom.
I don't know.
No, no, no.
Because Alex was like, you admitted you want your mom to be engaged with someone.
I'm not sure if you can get her back blocking.
What the fuck?
That's endearing.
Yeah.
I do.
It's been so long.
I want to say it from your trip.
I don't know my dad's hidden, right?
Should we send our moms on like a trip?
I'm on a girl's trip.
Mom pod.
Send them on a girl's trip.
One Vegas weekend.
I give my mom a mom pod, but she gotta get her back blown up.
She gotta get her back.
What's going on with y'all?
I'm sure it was painting to your mom.
That was crazy.
Y'all were crazy.
I haven't had a sip of it.
Yo, once you get the Chablis in the system, even if it's not your system.
But for real, I want us to get back to having a normal podcast.
Yeah.
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Homeless Guy Phone Call00:06:46
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Now let's get back to the show.
Boys, I got to say, I apologize.
I'm a little late.
I tried to walk out the door today and my baby started crying.
So I went back.
Baby stopped crying.
Oh, fire.
I'm like, oh, fuck.
Leave again.
Baby starts crying again.
Went back.
That's good.
Baby stopped crying.
That's what's up.
I was feeling amazing.
I know, right?
I'm looking over at my wife like, you breastfeed 24 hours a day.
You haven't slept in four months.
I'm an absentee father on the road.
I come back and she is fucking bawling.
She probably thinks he's going to be gone for four days.
Yeah, maybe you're like, maybe that's the torture.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're the truth, though.
You're the truth.
But I am the truth.
I'm him.
No, it is fucking crazy.
Like, anything.
Yeah.
I don't understand how you can be like a strict parent.
I don't get that.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
Like, I do.
I don't get it.
I don't understand.
What do you mean it's strict?
I don't understand it.
I do kind of feel you on that.
Yeah, like if she's going to cry for something, she's going to fucking get it.
Yeah.
Like, there's this whole philosophy.
Oh, you got a sleep train where they just cry all night.
Or you fucking don't.
And you just pick them up.
And then it's the most fun thing ever.
Yeah.
That sounds like a really good thing.
What about later strictness where it's like, oh, I want candy for dinner?
Well, it depends.
Are they crying?
Yeah.
Well, then they get fucking candy for dinner.
It takes a certain amount of time.
You gotta turn off a certain part of humanity to be like, nah.
You know what I mean?
It's good, but there's a certain sociopathy required to be like, no, thank you.
I'm like, no, you're crying and I don't care.
I was trying to explain this to my wife that she's that.
Because I went to go wake the baby up, not to wake the baby up.
No, no, no.
The baby was up and I went to go get her.
And I guess what you do is when they're trying to nap, you got to pick them up.
And then you're supposed to not really engage with them, not make eye contact, not talk to them.
What are we doing?
The baby's crying.
I haven't seen the baby in three days, right?
Maybe even four.
Who knows?
You know?
I've been going to November.
I'll be going to November.
January, February, March, April, May.
Is that Hamilton?
I see you crying, but that is Hamilton.
Honestly, it's the first version.
It's Y Clef Jean, bro.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's Y Clev Jean.
Yeah, the king of Haiti.
Yeah.
Yeah, I thought it was barbecue.
Shout out barbecue, dude.
So, but yeah, I just, well, I don't even remember us.
Wait, why can't you talk to your kid when they're not supposed to engage him?
Because then it wakes him up a little bit more.
But I'm like, dude, whatever.
Like, my wife is strict.
Anything she reads in the books and the research, that's what she does.
And I'm like, nah, I'm lasé here.
Your kids are homeless guy on the train.
Don't look at him.
Don't make eye contact.
Just head down and just keep walking.
But no, I make eye contact.
Pull that dick out, homeless guy.
Let's see what you got.
Let's see what you got, homeless guy.
We'll pull it out.
You don't confront the homeless guy if they're on the train causing shit.
Hell yeah.
Nobody I know confronts homeless people more than this.
I told you the San Francisco story.
Andrew remotely.
We lost a show in San Francisco.
Because a homeless guy said.
We're going to have to get the beliefs ready.
Andrew's on the phone with a guy that we're doing.
We're not.
He isn't.
This is 15 years ago or whatever.
Andrew's on the phone with the guy we're doing our own show in San Francisco.
Doug, he might have been there.
And the guy's like, hey, you know this is a clean show, by the way.
And none of us are clean.
And Andrew's like, oh, yeah, no, yeah, sure.
We'll be clean.
Don't worry about it.
Then in that moment, a homeless guy sees Andrew, San Francisco homeless.
They're more aggressive.
And he goes, What are you looking at?
And then Andrew goes, Andrew goes, You motherfucker.
And then he starts chasing him up the hill.
Homeless guy starts running.
And Andrew's like, come back here, you pussy.
And then the guy goes, and goes, what just happened?
And Andrew goes, ah, sorry, it's a homeless guy.
Just call me or whatever.
And then the guy's like, you can't do the show here.
We have to find a new baby.
Screw him on to find a new theater.
To this day, I think that that guy was the guy I was on the phone with.
Oh, he was looking for a huge.
He was just looking for an hour.
Like, I think he was on the phone.
He was just trying to see the.
You got to be clean.
Hey, you're like, whoa, whoa.
Because he came back and he was like, guys, I think we lost the show.
And we're like, we got four hours.
What are you talking about?
We're on the speaker.
If you weren't speaker phone, then maybe the homeless guy heard, you got to be clean.
And he was like, yo, what the fuck?
Yeah, maybe he took a personal.
That's crazy.
I mean, yeah, yeah.
Oh, God.
So you're an engaged all-the-time kind of person.
Yeah.
You chase the guy.
Say good?
Watch you chase the guy.
In defense of homophobia.
He called me in San Francisco.
You know how gay you got to be?
No, shit.
You know what I mean?
It's not like a compliment.
No, it's not.
To them?
What I'm saying is you got to go for it.
What do you mean?
He didn't call me change.
He didn't call me T. Hold on, Biggie.
You up, son.
Let's not change history.
Let's not change history, all right?
He just called me a regular in San Francisco.
But what I'm saying is, what am I doing to stand out as a bear when everybody already has like a mid-level about them?
Yeah, what were you wearing?
That's what I'm saying.
No, no, it's going to be bad for him.
All right, fuck you.
What were you wearing, though?
I don't know.
I'm holding the phone out.
Listen, can I be honest with you?
I think I know what it was.
I do think I would have.
You know how there's like the streets are hills.
Yeah, the hills.
I don't think I walk up hills straight.
I do think it's the thing.
Like, I'm not used to hills that much because New York don't got that many hills.
So I think when I walk up the hill, like, I think I really chewing it out.
So I think, like, in retrospect, I think he wasn't even angry.
He was like, okay, I was in a firm.
Baseball Hills and Mud00:14:42
Yeah.
You chasing for no one.
So it might have been on him, but I chased him.
And he got away.
That's the thing.
They on the juice.
And they know the hills.
Like, I'm already at the end.
He's coming down the hill.
I'm at the top.
I wasted all my energy to get to the top of the hill.
He's got momentum.
He was going down.
And I chased him for a little bit.
Also, running down is hard.
Yeah.
You know that when you get to that point where you're not really running, your legs are just thrown out in front of them.
Once I got there, I was like, don't let me like sprain my ankle.
Then this guy has sex with me or something like that.
They prove him right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God, dude.
What a funny story.
Your daughter cries.
My point is, yeah.
I don't know if I got any structure in me.
I don't know if I got any discipline in me.
But yeah, it's fucking hard, man.
It's hard.
I can't even imagine.
And flattering.
It's hard and flattering.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It makes you feel so.
Now she's starting to reach.
And yeah, it's crazy.
Anyway, what's going on, boys?
How was your weekends?
Yo, Indianapolis was fired.
You had fun?
You know, the Midwest.
You like it?
I like it.
This is where you're from.
This is what you know.
That's what I know.
Also, the thing about those cities is all the Indians stick together because there's not as many.
So they're all kind of like Jews.
We roaming that.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
They're like wolves.
You know what I mean?
So at my show, every Indian in Indianapolis is at my show, which is cool.
There's more Indians at my show almost than like maybe not New Jersey because that's so Indian, but like Dallas, where there's a ton of Indians.
But there, they're like, oh, we finally got one.
So the whole community knows you're going to have it all there.
They're coming out.
Is that actually, is that cool?
Because I know you've always wanted this.
Yeah.
So does that feel cool?
Like when you're in town, that's what the people in the community know they're doing.
One thing I forgot to plan for is how drunk we get.
Oh, wow.
So the late show, they always pregame for the show because they're not going to pay comedy club prices for all the drinks.
So they show up a little drunk and then they get more drunk at the show.
And then they're not being mean, but they're always just yelling out.
So I really have to like guard against Indian alcoholism.
I got to start trying to work around it so it doesn't affect my show.
Y'all be drunks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You do whatever you got to do, but don't fucking my show.
All the Indians are the Catholic Indians.
Punjabi Indians.
Oh, really?
Exclusively.
I didn't want to say Punjabi.
They're the most loyal, loving, and all that, but they are so drunk.
Yeah, they get it in.
And they don't realize they're not supposed to.
Yeah.
But I try to tell them, like, imagine you're at a movie.
You know how people talk during a movie and it's kind of annoying.
Imagine the actors can hear you.
That's what that is.
Yeah.
But they don't care.
They don't care.
We had to kick someone out and then he got mad.
He couldn't get back in for the meet and greet.
He was like, what the fuck, bro?
I was like, dog, I'm not doing this.
I had to kick you out.
He was looking at me like I was an asshole.
He's like, this is crazy.
What was he saying?
He was like, well, I was just, oh, he just kept every, he just kept yelling, yelling, trying to like add to the joke.
What was he yelling?
He was tagging your shit.
I don't remember what he said.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Something like, hell yeah.
No, it was just so non-stop.
I couldn't even, and a lot of times it wasn't, he's so drunk, it's not even clear.
Yeah, yeah.
He just keeps yelling at moments of silence or whatever.
And I'm like, just were you able to watch the cricket?
I watched the last like six overs or whatever.
I was on a flight.
So when I landed, I watched the end of the match.
And I honestly feel bad for Pakistan.
They're losing to Canada right now.
They lost to the USA.
They're just so bad.
India's eight and one in the last nine matches against them.
Here's the thing.
Why are they so lost?
I thought it was a good idea.
Because they choke all the time.
I identify with chokers.
I'm a Dallas Cowboy fan.
So I see that.
I'm like, yo, y'all just call it what it is.
Let's just call it what it is.
It's gang a lot, but like I gag on penis, sure.
But choking in sports, I identify with.
But once you lose to the United States, like there was a back in the day, like once you lost to uh, once you lost to Floyd Mayweather, you were never the same.
You know, once you lose to the United States, you're never the same.
Like it is the way that we play cricket, it's a different style, there's a different strength.
There's different body.
People are like, oh, Pakistan Soaks, they lost to America.
I'm like, why?
No.
No, no.
Americans are revolutionizing the game of cricket.
Yeah.
Oh, that's interesting.
How so?
I don't know.
Did you watch the game?
I did not watch USA.
We were actually recording here.
We watched a little bit of it.
I'm not making this up.
If any of you watch the game, if any of you at home watch the game, I'm not making this up.
During the game, before the game started, there were cutaways.
Okay?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, we saw that together.
Okay?
Yeah.
There are cutaways.
Yeah.
I don't know why the cutaways were to this specific geological formation.
I think I know why.
What would you describe that formation as?
It was like a muddy thing.
No, if you ask me why that is, it's because it's the USA.
There's a few white people on Team USA, and they know you guys like to fuck mud like in that movie.
So they had to put that up.
You are ready for that.
But that's some British shit, right?
Wasn't that a British movie?
He is.
That guy might be British.
Yeah, that's a British guy.
That's where y'all get it from.
Exactly.
Where did they yell at it from?
Y'all pretty much do it.
No, no, we're not British.
No, but the Brits might have gotten it from you guys.
They might have tried it out.
No, maybe y'all got it from them.
From the Brits.
No, there's only two plus fucking women in the mud, which is kind of fire.
Y'all do mud wrestling.
That's cuckish.
We fuck girls in the mud.
Y'all wrestle.
Yo, you got to pull a game.
You dropped the money.
No, he got a point.
We ain't never tried mud fucking.
We do mud wrestling.
We wrestle.
Yeah.
What is that?
But you get after it.
We go.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
That's what Shoba said is the most important part of cricket.
He's like, dude, the thing that makes crate so amazing, the biggest variable is the soil.
Wait, really?
That's what he says.
It's like, hang on, a goddamn minute there, Shuba Dubi.
You're telling me the mud.
No, no, no.
He's like, no, no.
Listen, that was gritting ear to ear.
He's like, all over the world, they got different soils.
Oh, it's amazing.
You got this soil.
You go out to Dallas.
It's a different soil.
Oh, when the ball hits the soil, you'll never see the ball.
Damn it, Shoe.
He can't help himself, yo.
He can't help himself.
I'm telling y'all.
It's a problem.
You like what you like.
We can't choose what we like.
You feel what I mean?
The Chinese, they like rice.
They like rice.
They're into rice.
Most of their shit is rice.
Dun spit a lot, like in baseball.
Playing cricket, they're trying to turn it into, you know.
Warm it up.
That shit, right?
I don't know.
But baseball players do.
White baseball players, they got the tobacco.
They make it a little more muddy.
They need to spit.
That is true.
They do.
They do.
They make it a little darker.
Not just all a bunch of motherfuckers.
Yeah.
Shut up, you fucking Puerto Ricans.
That's not a sound.
Damn.
Y'all already dirty.
You ain't got to fuck the mud.
Okay.
Look at these handsome fucking American colors.
Yeah, let me look at this American cricket team, yo.
Look at these guys, black guys.
Let's go.
Are they Bahamian?
Are they?
Because I think in the Caribbean.
They're American dude.
So one of the names was African Americans.
This is just a random bachelor party.
Let's go bust the ass.
That ass.
That ass.
Like, you don't got to be that athletic to play this game.
No, no, no, you don't.
So, like, if you took 10 Americans and just put them out there on what do you call it?
Kyrie, we do good.
I think that we beat most teams.
Yeah.
No, yeah, yeah.
I agree.
I feel the same way about soccer.
If Americans really started sending their best athletes to soccer, it's a rap or something.
No, I'm not talking about best actors.
We send just like our dads.
Nah, we'll just butt shot at it.
Nah, we'll play.
That's crazy.
And with Al, we'd be down a man.
Isn't that?
I was trying to get one.
I was trying to get this.
Nah, but for real, you never looked at a cricket player and you're like, wow, that's an athlete.
Like, in the same way that you look at like someone who runs like the you don't.
It's baseball.
But no, I see baseball players.
I'm like, that's a fucking athlete.
Thurman Thomas, that's a jacked motherfucker.
Who's Thurman Thomas?
That's a football player.
What's the other guy I'm thinking of?
What's the guy I'm thinking of?
Frank Thomas?
Frank Thomas.
That's a social rights activation.
I know.
Hey, you just, you just made me realize they're not the same guy, bro.
I'm going to be honest with you.
I really am going to be honest.
I thought that he was the greatest two-sport athlete in history.
Sherman Frank Thomas.
Bo Jackson.
Sherman.
Sherman Thomas.
Okay.
But in all seriousness, I don't know if you have to be that flag to play this game because it's not about athleticism, right?
It's about just staying outside long.
You know what?
Isn't the game 24 hours?
So it's like, who can be outside in the sun 24 hours?
This is two and a half.
It's more running than baseball.
Is it?
Yeah.
But baseball also, these aren't sports.
Golf's same, but they just get more fit as they go along.
Like, you know, golfers started getting fit.
Yeah.
That's it.
If you took an average baseball team, wouldn't they destroy these guys?
Like, if you took the New York Yankees and they played the Team India.
I'd be curious to know what Shub thinks to me, yeah, but I'd be curious to know what Shub or Vala thinks.
Yeah, let's, I mean, just let's look at this.
Look at him getting that muddy.
The batting part is different because they don't really swing.
Yeah.
It's kind of like bunting.
Bunt swing.
That's when you swing and you're going for six runs right there.
So I think that was four or six.
I can't tell what happened.
Oh, but.
But also, yeah, the fielding you run away from that crazy.
Oh, no.
Yo, he smacked his ass.
He smacked his ass, bro.
Yeah, it's legal in America.
Let's fucking go.
You can do that here.
Yeah, it's true.
That's a cat.
Yo, Taylor, go figure.
Yo, this shit is kind of.
Oh, he hit that for a yard.
Damn.
So that's out.
That's out.
Okay.
Team bowler.
Let's go.
Oh, wow.
That's a last hour.
That's an easy six.
Fucking idiot.
I don't know how to judge it.
India USA is tomorrow if y'all want to go.
Oh, where?
10 a.m.
Actually, I don't know where.
Shub, where is the match tomorrow?
I assume Long Island, but I don't know.
Oh, I thought they're all in Jersey.
They're not all in.
Wait, hold on.
I would very much like to indulge in this experience.
Where's India USA?
Is that in New York or is that in Dallas?
Yeah, it's in Long Island, Long Island.
Tomorrow?
Yeah.
At what time?
10.
10:30 a.m.
Wait, India USA?
Yeah.
There's tickets available.
I think we have to.
I mean, we have to go to this.
Wait, can we play?
Like, what is the rule?
How does that work?
Oh, yeah.
Like, is it super strict?
It's like first come, first serve.
What does it do?
Sign-up seat.
Let Akash throw out the first bowl.
I got that, dude.
Oh, do they do that at Santa Clara?
They're more than a sketch we did.
You, me, and yeah.
Who would win a baseball team or like a regular baseball team at cricket or the cricket team, the India cricket team?
Like the Yankees?
Well, they got it if they train.
In my brain, I hate to admit it, but baseball would be, yeah, they train for, I don't know, a month.
And just imagine there's not a mud pit directly outside the area that's distracting them the entire time.
I think that's why Pakistan, to be honest with you, I think that's why they've lost every single game is I think they're just trying to speed it up.
Right?
Because they want to go dick diving in that mud pit immediately.
Those are the cheerleaders.
That's the cheerleader.
Like, is this the song?
I hate all that.
So tell us, who wins?
Who wins?
The Yankees or Team India?
The baseball team will be better at fielding.
They're just way better at throwing, catching, all that kind of stuff.
But I don't know how they'll do without the gloves.
Cricket players will be better batters than a baseball player.
That's so different.
What about like a way harder to hit off the bounce?
Just from the hazing.
Like, I feel like a frat from the hazing would be able to play this really well.
No American will be able to stand the Australian hazing.
Wait, why?
There is no chance.
Those guys are so good at it.
What do they do?
I mean, what's his name?
Volk had to drink his own piss or whatever, right?
Oh, that's right.
He does the battling and like the paddling specifically.
Yeah.
What's going on?
What's happening?
What's your hazing or something?
I don't know anymore.
What I'm going to say with American fraternities, what they do is they take a paddle kind of like that and they spank your ass.
So that's why they'd be so good at the batting.
I'm going to be honest.
I think Americans would be worse fielders than because there's no glove.
It's pure hands and you're running a lot.
What about black people?
They've been fielding for 400 fucking.
You take a chance.
Honestly, that's so racial.
But he saw it.
He saw the guy with the one-hand catch.
He got it.
He was caught.
Come on.
No, see, you go too far.
Honestly, that's too stationary of a field.
That's just a simple bend in reach.
Come on.
This is running involved.
You got to play behind.
Yeah, black people don't know about running.
All right.
I feel like black people need to just take over the team.
Take over, right?
There is a team of all black people.
It's the West Indies.
It's all the British, old British colonies in the Caribbean.
And they have historically been one of the scariest teams to play.
No, not like a rocky or whatever.
It's not me anymore, everybody.
It's not fucking me.
Now you see why it's funny.
Now you see why it's funny.
This happens every time you talk.
You do it, bro.
Try it.
Try it one more time.
Okay, there's a black team.
Oh, where are we?
Historically, mostly black.
Historically, mostly black.
And I don't think he knows about part of the team.
They aren't, but you said they're the loudest team.
They're scariest.
They're the scariest.
Okay, for what reason?
Why are they so scary?
They're very, very good.
At the game, okay.
Have they ever won it all?
Yeah, they won it the first two times they won it all.
The first two times they ever played?
No, the first two World Cups ever.
Okay.
That was way back when.
Yeah, they beat Australia.
They beat England in England.
What years are we talking here?
79.
We haven't won since.
Yeah.
We won't be.
I like to say we.
I hate this.
Black people are not a funnelist.
Second spun is a cake up.
We bust ass.
Tell you about that.
He's Afro-Caribbean.
Yeah, yeah, we take them.
Because since I started watching, it was just like, what, 09 or whatever?
They've never been two T20 World Cups in, I think, 2015 or something like that.
They're just...
Back when we didn't care about it, right?
We didn't really care about it.
Yeah, we didn't really care about them.
I know T20 was a joke back.
Now we're making way more money off of it.
So people care.
Now people care.
Now no one really thinks y'all are going to win it all.
Whatever.
It's a stupid, silly sport.
We should go tomorrow.
We're going to dominate.
How long is the game?
Three hours.
Yeah.
Oh, they've condensed it.
Yeah.
It used to be what, three days?
The original version is five days.
Then they made a one-day version, and this is the three-hour condensed version for fun, just for fun purposes.
Right.
Condensed Cricket Game Format00:04:13
And money also.
So if we get there late, does it matter?
Like, can we get there?
That's the thing.
I might have to get there.
You can get there like an hour late.
You missed the first innings, but the Jeopardy starts in your second innings anyway.
We're on IST.
We're on IST, dude.
No, so why are you here?
I'm going to get there because I'm Indian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah, I have a child, Al.
Yeah, I hate that.
You go to that bag, man.
We have singing class tomorrow.
Oh, really?
Singing?
Singing class tomorrow.
Wait, what?
She is four months and a week old.
What is she singing?
She's going to sing.
That's what she's going to do.
Okay.
We took swimming class, we're drowning class the other day, and now we're taking singing class.
And we just sing songs.
That's what we sing.
Okay, that's what we do.
What songs are you?
Why are you in class?
Why can't you just put on a playlist and sing to her?
It's you have too much money.
You need to spend it.
Just keep it.
We need to keep the singing class.
If you don't spend the money, your wife will spend it on herself.
So what you need to do is get the money out of her hands as quick as you possibly can.
We should start a singing class and steal from rich people.
That sounds awesome to me.
I didn't realize that.
I have to ask my wife.
What are we singing?
Why is this?
How did you not do this?
I don't know.
Signed the kid up.
It could be beat buds.
Hold on.
I'm going to look at it.
But can't you just, isn't that a playlist with it?
Like it's a single.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's not singing.
It's music class.
That's what's hard.
She's going to be taking fire in.
You never see these little Chinethos playing the instruments when they're one year olds.
These little Chinethos are playing instruments.
Yeah, but maybe if she's vaccinated enough, we can make her one.
You know?
She's getting her vaccine today, and then tomorrow we find out she's a savant.
If she goes in tomorrow and she's ripping the violin, then we got one in the back.
We got to do a before and after blocks test.
Just see how much better she gets that building.
It's so fucking scary.
It really is scary.
Like every time she drools after the vaccine, I'm like, all right, there it is.
There it is.
Fuck it.
That's it.
Well, generally they teeth and they start drooling.
But the last time I didn't know that because I don't read any of the books my wife tells me to read.
So she got the vax and she's just a fucking basset hound, slop everywhere.
And I'm like, they fucking retarded her.
They fucking vaccinated her brains out and now she's drooling all over the place.
I really felt that way.
And then I learned it's just teeth.
That's what's up.
Teeth are coming in.
You know what I mean?
Watch out my wife's nips.
You know what I mean?
Let's see if you complain.
When I nibble on them, you was complaining.
Let's see if you're still complaining.
Do you know what I mean?
When I used to chomp on them things, it will hurt.
You know?
Yeah.
That's just, it does seem painful.
What?
You ain't never chomped on them thanks.
You got to get them ready, bro.
You got to chew them up and get them ready.
With all due respect.
Yeah, you got to beat them up.
It's like a new speed bag.
That shit don't hit right.
With all due respect.
You know, listen, Al, with all due respect, if you don't beat up the speed bag, it's not going to hit right.
So I'm in there, bro.
All right.
Do your thing, brother.
I'm going to blood it just.
It's going to be you one day.
You're going to see two hard nips and you're going to be like, them's too hard for my daughter.
I need to break them in.
I need to break them in.
It's a new mitt.
My daughter's gums can't handle all that.
My daughter got brand new gums.
She can't gum through a hard nip like this.
So you need to crunch them down for her.
Do you know what I mean?
Baby bird.
You need to baby bird it.
That's right.
Put your beak on there, bro.
You need to put your beak on there and baby bird it a little bit, Al.
That's actually good advice.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, when the henny's in the system.
When the henny's in the system, half.
All right, guys, let's take a break for a second.
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Your kids are still going to be able to do, you know, need to do things.
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Baby Bird Gum Advice00:12:34
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Don't want to talk about Caitlin Clark's.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She didn't get picked for the Olympics.
Yeah.
She didn't.
Stupid.
What do y'all think about that?
Fucking.
I actually have a hot take about this.
Yeah.
Well, what's yours?
Because I'm here, and it's just nobody you could actually take her off for.
That's what a lot of people who watch the league are saying that they're a very accomplished team.
The best of the best.
Yeah.
Here's the thing.
Here's my hot take.
First of all, obviously, retarded move business-wise, like absolute idiots not putting her on the team just financially.
Like you're trying to make money for the sport.
But what I will say is this: right now, there's this like little window where like guys care about the WNBA.
Eventually, we'll just stop caring.
It's like a nice little fucking trend, but eventually you'll just be like, eh, whatever.
And so what they have to do is find a way to convert women into fans as well.
And the only thing women watch is like chaos and bickering.
That's the only thing that they watch on TV.
If there's not champagne being thrown or women yelling at each other and fighting, women pushing each other to the ground, women fouling each other hard.
The only thing that they care about like are storylines and narratives where like women are fighting with one another.
And they've kind of turned the WNBA into a reality show.
Yeah.
Are these girls on Caitlin's team not supporting her?
Are they fighting with her?
Does Angel Reese hate Caitlin?
Is she jealous that this person's gay?
They're turning it into a housewives drama.
That's the only way to get women to watch the WNBA if they think it's real housewives of the WNBA.
So I know it seems like it's not working now because all the men watching it were like, well, why don't you care about making money?
Why don't you care about success?
Why don't you care about building a sport?
Because that's how we think about something.
But women just want to see shit destroyed on TV.
And the fact that they're destroying it, it actually might end up working to gain a female audience.
That's an interesting take.
I think, I think, yeah.
Miles and I were talking.
He had a theory that this is good for fans of Caitlin Clark because you need to see her go through adversity, like in the hero's journey.
It can't just be she gets everything right away.
She got to be getting bullied.
She got to have a bad guy.
Everybody leaves her off the team.
Yeah, the fans are going to support her even more now because it's like Donald Trump.
It's like they're trying to take him off the ballot.
Yeah.
They're trying to stop him from running.
They're trying to stop this girl.
Like, obviously, you could take one of these old lesbian bitches off the team and throw her in.
Even if she gets no playing time, she's like on the bench.
She goes out for three minutes versus Venezuela.
You just let her drop, you know, seven threes and then get ESPN to run it up.
You can put her on the team.
Even just, like you said, for business and like helping her develop, you know, I heard they haven't lost a game since 1992.
So we really just need to feel the best team or we can take someone who's almost as good, help her be around.
You know how good it is for male basketball players to be on the national basketball team?
LeBron learned so much from Kobe.
Anthony Edwards learned so much from being on the team last year.
It always happens.
Honestly, I would keep her on the team.
This is me as a man saying it.
I would keep her on the team to the detriment of the team because it is to the benefit of the sports.
Yes.
Remember when Michael Jordan, 1992, was, I think the Olympics were in Barcelona, if I'm not mistaken.
Dream team.
Dreamed, this was a celebration of basketball excellence, and you seduced the rest of the world with your greatest players.
Now, I'm not saying that she's the greatest player right now, but she is the most seductive player.
So exciting.
It's the only one people are talking about.
Let her go out there against these bum ass other countries, right?
Like women's sports in other countries is horrible.
Yeah, because they don't, we're they're the most sexist.
We're the least sexist.
Yeah, we're the least sexist.
So they're fucking pretty good at sports.
But in other countries, they have C-section scars to mend.
They can't be out there playing.
They're having families.
Have you seen this?
No.
What is this?
This is a USA basketball versus Team India.
There's no fucking way.
That's hilarious.
There is no fucking way.
Billions of people couldn't find the American cricket team.
They just called up a bunch of different things.
They're like, yo, just show up.
What's the over-under on this?
They're the most dominant team.
You don't even need all the best players.
What you need is Caitlin Clark, the most marketable player, to go out there and just ball the fuck out.
And then all the other players in that team are going to make more money because the viewership's going to go up.
All the other players.
All the countries are going to be like, oh, maybe we should let women play sports.
Yeah.
Since the WNBA has been around, has any player on the Olympic team not been in the WNBA?
Because technically, this team was forming before, like for the past couple of years.
Yeah.
There was one girl from Yukon.
I forget her name.
I put her on.
There was one girl from UConn who was in her rookie year.
I forget her name, but it was the UConn coach who selected her.
So maybe that's why.
But they camps early on.
They had camps months ago when she was in the final four, and she couldn't go to those camps, obviously, because she was playing and they had formed it there.
If she'd gone to those camps, I could argue, oh, playing with the other girls.
Like, there's one of the players that's 41 years old.
Hey, hey, there's no rules.
No rules.
I just think these if she would have been on the team, the story would have been like, oh, look, they're giving her its own favoritism.
Yeah, yeah, they are.
But that's all they're complaining about now, anyway.
That'd be a story for one day.
No, no, no.
The detractors, even like, it's when a black guy defends Caitlin Clark, people are like, oh, why are you defending those white women?
I'm the number one hate-on-white woman person.
This is what y'all, I'll defend her.
She's exciting.
It's the only reason I'm remotely interested in women's basketball.
She's pulling up from 40 feet out.
She's exciting the way Steph Curry is exciting.
It's just fun to watch.
So if I feel like she should be on a team, I'll say something.
It's not a race thing or whatever.
Here's larger conversations.
You're 100% right.
Here's the thing.
For marketing, you put Caitlin Clark, you put Angela Reese.
Yeah, Angel Reese.
And you put Cameron Brink.
Bare minimum, you put those three.
All three of them are superstars.
I mean, superstars.
Like, they just get it.
They're on tick.
They're marketing themselves.
They actually care about being bigger.
Maybe Caitlin is the least of the most tick-tocky of them.
You know what I mean?
Like, I think Angel and Cameron are like really locked in on social media, which is a good thing.
I'm not even being critical of it.
I'm like, grow the sport, become bigger personalities.
You put three of them on the team.
And when you're beating a team by 50, which you eventually will be beating a team by 50, you let them go in there and ball the fuck out.
Like, this is a no-brainer to grow the.
There are girls in this team that are 41 years old.
Yeah.
Right?
How many Olympics have that 41-year-old?
I think five or six, they said.
Get the fuck off the team, bitch.
Yeah.
Get the fuck off the team, bitch.
She was the one when they were doing like, fuck.
She's the one hating on Caitlin.
They were doing like a simulcast of one of the final four games.
Man, shut your ass up.
She's not going to be that good in the pros.
These are grown women she's going against.
It's not going to be like.
Get off the team, yo.
Stop fucking hating.
You old bitch.
It's over.
Go home.
But then I thought, I read a thing that she put up as many numbers as no, her numbers are about are comparable.
You're 41.
If you're 41, you could go home.
Who's the 41 person?
41 year old.
Diana Taurasi.
Oh, she's nice.
She's nice.
She's nice.
Her numbers are nice.
She's 41.
My man, Diana.
Yeah, you're nice.
You got to keep Diana on the team.
She's nice.
Kick one of them young bitches off.
No, Diana's nice.
New York native, too, right?
She knows California.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm New York anyway.
Nah, she's fucking great at basketball.
I ain't gonna lie.
Now, Diana got to be on there, but kick one of the other ones off.
Kick three of the other ones off.
That's what I'm saying.
The youngest girl team is 26.
Like, there's no rookies that are Caitlin's year.
Rookie?
You can't guard me, rookie.
It's me, Lindo.
What?
Y'all don't follow me.
ADHD is ADHD diagnosis.
Oh, man.
My TikTok.
There's this kid.
He's just like, he's a Puerto Rican kid.
It's me, Lindo.
Like, when you look at us, like, we're supposed to be.
Rookie!
You can't guard me, rookie.
It's me, Lindo.
Damn, it blows my mind.
All right.
So this, this kid.
Symptoms of ADHD.
This is Puerto Rico.
It's real-time forgetfulness, hyper-focus, struggles with retaining information, daydreaming, procrastination.
It's all damn, bro.
We're going to send this to a lot of people.
Why don't anybody tell me about this?
So I could take Adderall on purpose?
That's why you like it.
Yeah.
That's why you love it.
So it just makes me feel normal.
Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
Think about where you'd be if you had known.
I should do that.
I should do this Adderall.
Life as y'all is nice.
Yeah, dude.
This shit is fire.
Anyway, rookie.
He's this kid who's on TikTok.
He just plays like streetball, but anytime he hits like this crazy three-pointer, he just goes, it's me, Lindo.
I don't know why it popped up for me, but it's just very funny.
It's like the English or Spanish guy.
Also, that's popping now.
Yeah.
A lot of people commenting on that.
Do you know the English or Spanish guy?
Yeah, yeah.
We have a funny sketch that we want to do for that.
Okay.
Which is like how to rob a black dude.
You just walk up to him and you just go, the first person who moves is gay.
And then you just start taking a shit off.
Shout out to fucking, what is his name?
Pignon?
Something.
Anyway, so what happens with Caitlin Clark?
You think she ends up on the team?
Oh, I mean, somebody's going to get hurt, and then maybe somebody's probably going to get hurt.
And then maybe she'll be the first call.
You got to just put her on the fucking team.
Yeah.
What are we doing here?
But you're right.
All three of them should be on the team.
What are we doing here?
Yeah.
All three of them.
It's too late at this point.
No, but if there's injuries or people step down or like, I mean, if I'm like the Federation or whatever, I go up to some of the girls and I go, girls, sit the fuck down.
Take the fucking summer off.
You can come as a coach.
Like, just say, hey, we can still be there or some other thing.
Like, if you just want to travel, you'll still be there.
You'll get a fucking medal.
Do whatever you want.
But like these young chicks need to go out there and get it done.
This is what's going to take the sport to the next level.
And it will.
I mean, that's what Jordan did.
That's what Magic and Bird did.
That's what Kyrie is doing.
That's what Steph did.
That's what LeBron did.
Like, you have to pass the torch.
You have to.
Will Ferrell Career Revival00:07:39
Because if the game was where it needed to be, then we wouldn't be talking about these three new chicks.
The fact is, we're talking about the WNBA.
This is your moment.
Seize it.
Or you just turn it to a reality show.
Your choice.
Also, guys, when we're talking about Caitlin Clark dominating on the court, we should mention Morgan and Morgan, who dominates in the court.
They are America's largest injury law firm.
They recovered over $20 billion for over 500,000 clients.
So check out Morgan and Morgan whenever you get a chance.
Let's get back to it.
Reality should be fire.
Yeah.
Like, if they start really, like, going at it real house-wise, I think chicks will watch it.
100%.
Fights in the middle of games, cursing, like great new narratives going, subs on social media.
I think girls would really watch that.
And I think they would prefer that to watching at least basketball.
Do mid-game interviews?
Talking shit about one another.
She smells.
She needs a shower.
Yeah, the mid-game interview should be like.
It should be a confessional.
No, what's that shit where they come at the end of the season?
Oh, like girl side.
It's like, no, there's like a dais and then there's a host.
The Bachelor Red, like the Andy Cohen that talks to them all at the same time.
Watch what happens or the reunion.
Reunion.
Yeah, Oh, if you did a reunion, it's the season.
Done.
That'd be fire.
Yeah.
Okay, what else we got, boys?
I mean, there's a bunch of shit.
Oh, bad boys.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, you were right.
Bad boys flopped.
Did I say it was going to flop?
Yeah.
I think.
You were incredibly wrong.
Well, no, no, not incredibly.
Let's go.
Because what I believe I said was I think it could do it could do what we would consider well for now, but not what we would consider well for a major action movie weekend.
And I think that's what's happening.
Like this 100 million.
50 million opening weekend, right?
I think it was 100 million overall.
104.
104 overall.
105.
Whatever.
And I think this number is indicative of the fact that overall numbers are much less.
In the same way that when someone drops an album and it does like 50,000 streams, they're the number one album.
Back in the day, it had to do a million buys.
So I think it's just overall, it's a great number.
I think it's awesome.
It still shows that the franchise has value, shows that Will and Martin have value.
And I'm sure they made a good movie.
But if I'm looking at this as an exec, I'm not going, movies are back.
I'm going, we got to make a big adjustment because we sent these guys around the world on the craziest promo tour ever.
And it did well on an established franchise that has been around for, what is this, fucking 20 years or something.
25 years.
And then we hit that 100 mark.
And then we'll see what happens this next weekend.
Like it might go off a fucking cliff.
But I'm looking at that as an exec and I'm going, okay, we need to change this whole fucking thing up.
Either movies got to get way less expensive or we just need to start putting shit on streaming and find a different way to make money off them.
Yeah, I'm curious to see the next week.
I think it will, it's not going to stay exactly there, but I don't think it's going to have a steep drop off because the movie is good.
And I think a lot of people didn't go out because three wasn't that great.
So they were like, so they're like hesitant.
Then when it did well, people are like, okay, I'll go.
And the feedback has been good.
Is Will forgiven or is everybody all good with Will?
I think Will needs one more after this.
Like, I think this is comeback.
Now we're like, oh, Will, my God, it's still.
And if the next one is crazy, then I think we're like...
Are you really that mad at Will?
I think we're just, I think we're let down.
We're like disappointed.
I don't think it's the slap.
I think it's his relationship with her.
I think like...
I thought it's a slap.
No, I don't give a fuck about the slap.
I do.
That's really what he would cares about.
Oh, I don't care about that.
I just like being in this relationship with this woman who's like clearly like toxic and abusive.
Like, I'm just like, you're, you're a leading man.
You're a superstar.
You're.
I think we feel their relationship was fraudulent.
We feel betrayed by it.
So it's like, if he has another box office hit and he's still with Jada, you're still going to feel the same way.
It's not going to change anything in your eye.
I think that they're way less public about their relationship.
Like now it just seems like Will is an entity and then she's doing whatever they're doing, but it's not like every week we're going to talk about why our marriage sucks on Red Table Talk or whatever.
Yeah.
You know, I don't even know if that shit is still going on.
I don't think so.
So it's like, I think, and that's better because then we can ignore the fact that she's even alive.
Because when no, like when you look at like when you look at The Rock as like a superhero, you're like, I need to believe you are all the things of a superhero.
If I find out that like your wife is saying wild shit and having affairs and doing all this other stuff, am I really going to believe you're the man when you're playing the leading dude in the action movie?
I get that.
I get that.
We like to believe that these people are actors, but like Vince Vaughn is Vince Vaughan in every movie to me.
Do you know what I mean?
Like Vince Vaughn is the Vince Vaughn from Swingers.
If I found out Vince had no game, I'd be like, wait, what?
What the fuck?
What do you mean?
Like, what's the guy from Entourage?
Vincent Chase?
No, the agent.
Oh, Jeremy Piven.
Yeah, Jeremy Piven.
When I found out he kind of like a little bit of like a nerd, I'm like, oh, like what?
When he was on here, I thought he was like doing like a career.
He was on our podwood for five years.
Yeah, he was doing like a little.
He was doing a little career revival.
And some of the lines he had, I was like, oh, this is your stock line.
He just kept being like, I'm just a working class actor from Chicago.
And then the third, I was in, but then like the third time he said it, I went home and I was like, oh, that's his like comeback line.
Like he's taking this to whatever press he does.
Yeah.
He's doing a nice enough guy, but yada, yah.
He's like, he's like an RT theater nerd that like played this character that was awesome.
And then once I found out that there was this massive chasm between those two, I was like, eh.
And I think that happened with Will a little bit.
But like Will was the fresh Prince of Bel Air to me.
Yeah.
Like that's who he was.
Yeah.
He was the coolest person.
The fucking coolest dude.
And not only the cool, and he was a cool dude who was like also self-deprecating and funny.
Like he wasn't like, I need to be the cool guy.
And every, he's not like a, not to knock him, but like a Johnny Depp figure where you're like, I'm in this mysterious whatever.
He was like open.
Personable.
Kind of goofy.
Yeah.
Goofy, self-deprecating, vulnerable, but also saves the day.
I'm like, you're the best.
You're the fuck.
And then you see him in this marriage.
It kind of sucks.
And she's fucking RB stars.
And the slap is a manifestation of all of it.
Not being able to control your emotions in that moment.
It's informative for her.
Yeah.
Like seeing him in person, I feel like we're getting the old Will.
Getting closer.
Yeah, yeah.
I think deep down we all want it.
Like if you, if you fell in love with this guy, the take that gave me the most empathy, which was like when he said Will would see his mom get slapped and felt like he never protected her and that always bothered him.
And you wonder if that's what's flashing through his mind when he sees Jada react.
That was the first time I had any, I was like, oh, okay.
But yeah, I do think maybe it's because deep down I want him to be back and I want to love him again and whatever, because I used to fucking love him.
And then, yeah, you do find out it's all phony.
Like she's having sex with your son's friends and you're just sitting there.
That's crazy.
Just weird.
Just weird.
Mark, can you hand me that one?
Yeah.
So I think that everybody wants him to be that.
And it would be awesome if this did well.
And I don't even know where this ends up going, but I do think that the movie industry.
I think we were talking about this one.
Was it Patreon?
Yeah.
But like, I think we're about to enter like the greatest two decades of film.
You know how we just are in the greatest two decades of TV?
Marvel Movie Oversaturation00:08:40
Yeah.
Like TV was incredible.
Maybe it's the greatest decade.
Maybe it's two.
No, this Mad Minos is 2000 or something like that.
Like TV.
25 years of fantastic TV.
We're spoiled.
Yeah.
Like spoiled, even internationally.
Like the fact that that show came out of fucking Korea that we all watched.
Squid Game Game.
Squid Game.
There's these British show, Luther.
Luther's unbelievable.
Globally.
Sherlock was two seasons of unbelievable.
It's like we had this incredible Roman TV.
And I think we're about to enter that with film.
And I think it's specifically because the studios won't be able to justify these crazy budgets.
So the budget's going to come down.
And then Marvel's going to go, well, I can't make the movie for 20 million.
But you know what I can make?
Is this cool script, this amazing story?
And then this awesome director that really wants to tell the story.
And then you get the everything everywhere all at once.
And you get a bunch more of those.
And I think it was Casetta that was saying, like, during the 80s, this is kind of what happened.
You had all these like classic iconic movies that weren't necessarily these huge franchises, but these like really great stories.
And I think we get that for the next 20 years.
And 70s with Cinema Nouveau.
What is that, Casetta?
But I mean, it's just basically French influence over American cinema.
And you have Spielberg, you have Francis Fort Coppola, you have all these, you know, Martin Scorsese.
So let me tell you something, Caseta.
One thing we're not going to do in this podcast is give the French credit for anything.
Okay?
You hear me?
Yeah, I got you.
No, but the fact that you did have this, like, I don't even want to call it like renaissance, but you have this like amazing moment.
I think that budgets are going to make that happen.
It's not execs, right?
Like the execs are going to greenlight what they can greenlight.
And then once they find out they just can't afford these big money movie things, they're going to have to give money to these 824-esque movies.
What is it?
Neon is the other one.
They're kind of like taking chances.
And I think we get some sick shit.
How much of these Marvel movies flopping is their own doing?
What do you mean?
I hate to be the fucking guy who talks about like DEI or whatever, but it feels like they're forcing a lot of storylines that are just like trying to spotlight more inclusive stuff at the expense of good storytelling and organic storytelling and being funny and whatever.
Mm-hmm.
My opinion is that the majority of it is they're trying to make hits out of characters that weren't really established.
Whereas Go-Go.
Thor, I don't remember any of us really giving a fuck about Thor before Thor.
Iron Man, I don't remember like maybe comic book freaks, but the casual person was Superman, Batman, Spider-Man.
I think they just oversaturated themselves.
Okay, I think there's something there too.
But what I will say is this.
We weren't like fans of Thor, but we all knew Thor.
We weren't fans of Iron Man.
I think there were Iron Man fans, but we all knew of Iron Man.
One more example to counter this.
Yeah, yeah.
I had no fucking clue who the Guardians of the Galaxy were.
And that shit was so good.
One was fucking amazing.
Three was fucking amazing.
Two I didn't love, but.
I'll give you Guardians of the Galaxy 100%.
I do think Guardians of the Galaxy is the beneficiary of billion-dollar franchise after billion-dollar franchise and just like a confidence in the institution.
And then I think that they start putting out the Marvels or whatever, whatever, these things that like, I have no fucking clue.
Like I grew up watching Sunday cartoons or whatever.
Like I watched X-Men.
I watched it.
Like I have no clue who the Marvels are.
I have no clue any of these characters.
So now you got to like introduce them, make us fall in love with them.
And while you're doing that, it seems like it's diversity forced down our throat.
I even felt that about the Doctor Strange sequel when I loved the first Doctor Strange.
The second one, I was like, this just feels like they're forcing.
And again, I don't want to be that guy, but it was like, yo, it's just forcing it.
It's not organic.
It's not good storytelling anymore.
It just became something else.
And I'm watching it on a plane.
And I'm like, I don't want to finish this.
But Disney buys.
I feel like it's oversaturation because like when Iron Man 1 came out, we got a Marvel movie maybe once a year, maybe sometimes twice a year.
That's it.
And so it was so much easier for people to take a chance on this thing, like it, and follow and keep along the storyline.
After they started making three, four movies a year, plus TV shows, and then they all kind of tied into one another.
If you miss one thing, you kind of feel like, oh, damn, I'm lost from the storyline.
So now I'm less invested to try the next movie that comes.
Is that Devo?
What are you going to say?
No, on that.
It was...
When that was coming out, you've got a master that was connecting everything like Kevin Feige from Marvel who was connecting everything and then would like get to supervise that movie and that director.
So it's like Favreau, that was his world forever.
But as soon as they expand it to digital streaming, everything, it's like you can't have the same touch on everything and you're, you know, you're just going to lose quality at that point.
And then people are like, oh, we'll have some wins and some losses instead of like who still only has wins is Pixar because Pixar is ready to throw out.
Yo, that was Chiffonite.
There's like one or two misses for sure.
But that's all a question.
Who watches Star Wars, yo?
Like, they keep on putting that.
Are you like...
A little bit fucked up.
They put out too much apparently there as well.
Bro, no.
They put out a new series.
It feels like every month.
I barely watch Star Wars.
I am not watching the Acolyte or whatever the fuck, the newest thing.
And I'm sure it's fire.
But like, maybe I'm living in a completely separate world.
Maybe there's like an age range that I just missed something.
I've watched all the Star Wars movies.
I watched when they brought out, remember they did the prequels, I think, when we were younger?
I watched every single one of them, but I was never invested in this entire world.
Disney operates as if Star Wars is Marvel.
Is it Marvel?
And I'm just out the loop.
Two Star Wars fans, yes, it is.
And are there enough Star Wars fans to justify it?
Or are they biting off more than they can choose?
I think so.
It's still a major franchise.
I don't think it's as big as Marvel, but dude, Star Wars in the 70s and 80s was a third time.
I recognize at that time it was the craziest.
That was Marvel then.
And now it's...
But does the thirst justify the fact that they're making all these shows?
So I feel like they do less than Marvel.
Like Marvel comes out with way more shit than Spider-Man.
I think Star Wars is just doing TV shows because it's probably easier budget than movies and good content.
And that's why we're selling that.
And they need shit for Disney Plays.
But even like what you're saying about Acolyte being good, when was the last Marvel property?
I can think of one in the past two, three years.
It's been Mini Yoda.
No, Marvel, which was a Spider-Man cartoon.
Oh, I thought you said you could think of one.
Marvel, just to my Marvel point.
Like, I can't think of anybody being like, oh, this Marvel shit is fun.
That Spider-Man cartoon is barely Marvel.
Sony had to get purchased by Marvel in order for them to make it.
Like, Spider-Man just became part of the franchise.
So Marvel was being fully.
Well, Marvel sold off all the characters.
Way back in the 90s, Marvel sold off all their rights to the good characters.
And then the fact that they made this whole new Marvel universe to your point.
With the B characters.
With the B characters.
Iron Man, all that type of shit is insane.
All their good characters got lost early on.
So it is very Spider-Man, who else?
Spider-Man, X-Men was off.
Incredible Hulk, they don't really have access to.
They got them all back in the 2010s as like rights and exclusivities.
But in the beginning, it was Iron Man.
Like, that's a crazy character.
No, what they, what, I don't think, I know it sounds crazy, but I don't think Marvel gets enough credit for what they put put together.
Like, I think they put together like the greatest run of films in history.
I mean, they dominated cinema.
They kept cinema afloat for a decade.
It was, and they wrapped it up perfectly.
Like, what they did was the fact that this guy came back to work.
What the fuck is his name?
The Marvel guy?
James Cutton.
Feige.
Robert Downey Jr.
No, no, no.
Feige.
He was the guy who orchestrated, the guy who runs Disney.
Oh, Bob Iger.
The fact that Iger came back to work.
You put out Endgame and then you go to St. Bart's and you just live there.
No, I think they bought Marvel after, right?
They bought Marvel, if I'm not mistaken.
Who, who, who, Disney?
Yeah.
Iger bought Marvel.
Correct.
So Iger wasn't involved.
He bought Marvel and now they should just trash.
No, but they developed those.
Iger was part of that whole run.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
So what I'm saying is, and Iger was at the helm of Disney during that whole run.
In 2009, Disney bought Marvel.
Okay.
Okay.
And then, so throughout that process, now Feige deserves the credit too, but my point is he retired after it.
And it was like, whoa, you had your Jordan moment.
Like, you're going off to the sunset.
You hit the game winner and you just fucking leave.
And then he came back like a year ago.
Because if you care about the company and then you see the company on the decline, it's like, Low-key, I respect that.
Like, maybe it's like, wow, this is my legacy.
I built this thing.
And then they're going to throw it all away on fucking trannies that need to be in the thing.
Acknowledging Trans Identities00:14:06
Can we just acknowledge that when you see a trans character in a movie and nobody acts as if they're trans?
It is incredibly unnatural.
You're breaking the fourth law.
You are so fucking weird.
No, no, no.
Because let me tell you the reality.
Let me tell you.
So when you see a trans person in person, you're like, Tranny.
Like, what are you talking about?
You act like a regular person.
No, can I?
Oh, are you going to do that now?
Let me just, let me get this out.
Are you going to do that right now?
Because what happens is this.
They walk by, you don't say anything, and then you immediately tap whoever's with you.
There's none of that in the world, which makes in your brain.
You're thinking about it.
So what happens is in the brain, they can't show that in a movie.
My point is the whole world deflates.
They should.
They should do Inside Out.
Go into the character's brain.
Sometimes, I'm watching Fallout, right?
And there's like a pretty ass tranny in Fallout, right?
Because that's a nuclear holocaust.
So that actually could track.
That could track.
Which ones are it's a lot of, you know.
Wait, wait, did you watch Fallout?
I did.
Wait, wait, wait, hold up.
Whoa.
Pull up, pull it up.
Was it the hot girl?
He jerked off to the wrong person.
It's not the alien bitch, right?
No, no, no.
Oh, okay.
I'm like.
Don't call her a bitch.
That's not Ella Purnell.
That's Ella Purnell.
You watch a fucking mouth.
That's Lucy McClane.
That's Lucy McClain.
You watch your fucking mouth.
She's a baddie.
She's a bad bitch.
She's beautiful.
Hey, don't you die.
Don't you call her a bitch.
Abish a beach.
No!
Okay?
Fucking vault dweller.
That one.
I didn't even see this person.
You're lying.
You're lying.
Sometimes I just.
I hate this fucking.
No, no, no, no.
I get it.
I get it.
No, no, no.
No, you're not going to think I'm trying to do it.
I'm not going to let you get away with this.
You don't think I'm trying to do that.
All my friends are trans.
All my friends are trans.
And then we make one gay joke here.
You're like, yo, chill, what's up?
Yo, that shit is mad gay.
Yo.
Shut.
Listen, this beautiful.
I don't know what I'm saying, but you bailed me out, so it was good.
This beautiful day them, okay, is on the show playing a what?
I don't know what the fuck.
They're in the army.
She got a little mustache going.
So I don't know if it's a dude.
We have no fucking clue.
And instead of focusing on the story, you're just like, what the?
What is it?
You can't have a moment.
You can't have a moment when you're watching a movie or story.
You don't want to have a moment where you, just for diversity's sake, where you go, right?
Just for diversity's sake.
Keep in mind, there's a ghoul.
There's a ghoul, right?
A ghoul.
There's a ghoul who's alive.
They never die, these fucking ghouls.
They acknowledge the ghoul.
They acknowledge it.
They acknowledge that the human is transitioned into a ghoul.
Everybody acknowledges it.
The show acknowledges it.
They go, I think you're a ghoul now.
You go, oh, no, I'm a ghoul.
They go away.
Then they got this transistor on the fucking show.
And at no point.
No, no.
No ghoul.
There's no point during this show.
There's no point where they go, are we going to let this bitch go to war?
Like, there's no point at all.
Isn't it more forceful to acknowledge it, though?
Not acknowledge it or doubt that.
It makes you go.
No, no, no.
If you acknowledge it like you would, like you're like.
It puts everyone at ease.
It just, it just, it makes it real.
If you want the world to be real, we need to be real.
You do it.
How do you acknowledge?
You gotta be like the guy just goes.
The guy's gonna be like, here's an example, huh?
Something like that.
Here's an example.
I used to go on stage in these hood rooms.
I would never address the fact that I'm Indian and none of them have seen an Indian outside of their bodega and I would bomb.
And then I realized one day, oh, I just need to address that.
Like if a guy, if a comic came up in a wheelchair, did an hour of jokes and never once mentioned the wheelchair, wouldn't you as an audience member be like, you can at least acknowledge we don't see this very often.
That's all.
We just acknowledge we don't see this very often.
So the fact that you don't acknowledge that then I went back and as I was like kind of having a moment with myself of being like, why am I doing this?
I'm going back through every comedy special of a minority.
The first joke is addressing their race because I'm just addressing this thing.
I'm different than most of you.
Let's just acknowledge it and then we move on.
That's what he's saying.
Let's acknowledge I'm different than most of you.
Not good or bad.
I'm just different.
You don't see what he's saying.
Then we move on.
Should they work for the little mermaid where she's black?
Yo, yo, can I be like, yo, let's not be different.
They just are different.
Exactly.
It's not weird.
So you just watch it, you accept it.
If there's one black mermaid and everybody else is.
Let me tell you some shit.
Let me tell you some shit.
Okay.
Imagine the little mermaid on earth.
They don't acknowledge she's a mermaid.
That's what y'all are saying.
Like, I've never seen a mermaid walking around on earth.
In the show, in the show, they're bullying this dude for being the rookie, right?
In Fallout, the black dude.
They're bullying.
They're kicking his fucking ass.
They're beating his shit.
They're making fun of him.
They're teasing him.
You're telling me there's a group of men that are going to make fun of, tease, bully, physically abuse and harm a dude.
And then they got a motherfucking Envy.
It's a non-binary person.
They got that?
No, it's they.
They got a day.
They got a what the fuck walking around.
And they're not going to have no jokes, nothing.
Everybody's pals.
Everybody's cool.
Everybody's high-fiving.
That's not a reality that we live in.
If you speak to like Army dudes, they'll say all jokes go.
The black jokes are going with the black dudes.
The fucking Chinese jokes are going with the Chinese.
Everybody's making fun of each other in the most harsh ways.
And because of that, there's this amazing camaraderie going on.
But we're just going to not acknowledge it.
So how do you acknowledge it in a way that would be okay for TV?
You call her tuck.
But she doesn't have anything to tuck.
Say, what?
That's the opposite.
I don't know what she is, bro.
I don't know what the fuck she is.
I don't know if she got it tucked.
I don't know if she got it untucked.
I don't know what the fuck is going on.
But the fact that I don't know what's going on, it needs to be addressed.
Because let me tell you what they got in the future.
They got ghouls.
And that.
But we acknowledge the ghouls.
Ain't nobody acknowledging that.
You're crazy.
Why am I crazy?
Crazy, bro.
You have no actual thing to say, though.
But we acknowledge every character.
Because you say when we acknowledge it in IRL, we do it in a fucked up way.
Not in a fucked up way.
Do it in a fucking joke.
Do it in a fucked up way.
How?
So give me a shot.
Do it mean.
Do it bully.
I just sold you.
No.
You can't do that.
Like you said, would you smash?
You would still smash, right?
Even if she just, or they were just like, oh, just because I'm trans, blah, blah, blah, blah.
That's it.
That's, oh, acknowledge it.
Maybe they could get the joke off on this person.
Bro.
Are you fucking crazy?
These people are creating a fucking.
Hold on.
They're creating a nuclear holocaust environment and they can't write in one joke.
That's beyond their creativity.
There's fucking ghouls.
And they can acknowledge that and they can't acknowledge.
You are more racist than me.
If she, if you.
You think that's so weird?
They trade it as she.
Yo, is there a day them in the video game?
Is that character they them?
I don't know.
I didn't play enough of them.
Yo, someone looked at seven.
If she said anything where he's like, oh, I'm trans, everybody would be killing the show.
It's like, oh, that pander and that pandering that.
Not if you make fun of them.
See, they're already on the show.
Bro, she's just an actor or he.
I don't know if the fuck it is.
Exactly.
That, Say that.
That's all you have to say.
That's all you have to say.
I don't know what she identifies at.
I'm just saying.
Dude, you can't joke.
Believe that you can't joke about it.
The commander in the army could go.
Listen, you tell her that I need her to come.
What the fuck?
It doesn't matter.
Get the fuck up here.
Saying that moment is end of the world.
Why can't you be transphobic?
You can't be transphobic in the future?
In the show.
He's the end of the show.
It's a nuclear holocaust.
You're writing in a transphobic joke.
Like, people will be asking.
There's a way to do it without it being transphobic.
But you haven't shown me a way to do it.
They could very easily co-sign something that they could make the joke about themselves.
They can make the joke.
And if it's all jokes flying in the military, they're bullying a guy for me.
They make a black joke.
They make it transphobic.
If the joke age is a big thing.
That actually shows we all get these jokes.
We're all equal.
I promise there's a way to do it.
I promise.
I agree.
There's a way to do it, but so far, the examples you guys gave me.
Modern people say, hold on.
So, what, what, what?
He's a dude.
He's a dude in real life.
He's described as a big, strong, burly man.
Yeah, exactly.
So it's, of course, in the video game, there is a robot that identifies as a woman.
I just want to point out.
There's a robot.
Yeah.
Mark.
It's a fallout for it.
So there's a complaint about that.
My point is.
Okay.
So in the, so what they have is they've put a trans person in there and they have made them ambiguous.
They are it or whatever the fuck is ambiguous.
Why is that fucked up for me to why is that fucked up?
You just called them it.
I don't know what she identifies.
That's all they.
But they might not be they.
They are there.
No, sometimes they're he or she.
No, they're they.
And you're judging us.
Fucking racist.
God knows my heart.
Now God knows your heart.
That's an NBC.
Throw us under the bus, bro.
Here's the reality.
They are an absolutely beautiful.
If they chose to be woman, they would be an absolutely stunningly beautiful woman.
Stunning.
No, Like, if she shaved that little stash and everything like that, she's like a supermodel.
She's basically a supermodel if she chose.
But as a dude, she's me.
She they.
Yeah, it's he they.
What is that, bro?
See?
You could say he or they.
I think it's an I think it's an and/or.
Half Indian.
The fact that we can't even get that.
I take back what I said.
I take back what I said.
Yep.
Now we all.
He's way better looking than you, real talk.
You're giving yourself a lot of credit.
I'm going to be honest with you.
You're right.
He's a handsome motherfucker.
What did I say?
Like, he's not handsome.
He's pretty.
But he is.
Oh, this is good.
I'm getting it right.
He.
This is great.
He is a bad bitch.
Okay, guys.
Oh, now.
Not at all.
No, he's a bad bitch.
He, that dude, is a fine ass bitch.
No, but he's a dude.
He's a dude.
But what he looks like is a girl I would fuck more.
Okay?
So it don't matter what you identify as.
What I identify you as is a girl I would fuck, even though you're clearly a guy, because that's what you say.
But he would fight you if he was here right now.
He'd be like, yo, you're going to try to fuck me?
He'd probably fuck me up because he's a dude.
But if he did it and wanted to make love and I wasn't married with a child, you would get some tossed.
Tossed away.
Okay?
Once he whacks that statue against them, thrust.
My point is, the fact that this is so confusing, this would be the only conversation that would happen on base.
The only conversation.
I can't wait till they give you a movie.
You could also easily write a transphobic character that he dunks on.
That'd be very easy.
And matter of fact, basically, what you're saying is you can't have a movie with racism because it's gonna about black racism because it's gonna have racist comments.
No, no, I don't not say that everybody.
But that's what it's why.
How can you not handle the fish?
Oh, there's no way to do it.
Hey, no, I write Django.
Everything you say is going to mean I'm going to be able to do that.
No reason.
I said that you can address it, but the examples you got.
No, you said you can't.
You said you can't.
Put the trannies in the movies.
Yes.
Put them in the TV shows, but have the characters react organically to them.
That's all I'm saying.
Is that a dude or a girl?
I don't know.
Throw an apple.
See if they catch it.
That's it.
Simple as that.
That's all you did.
Hollywood.
Hire.
Yo, it doesn't mean that you treat them poorly.
It doesn't mean that you're mean to them.
It doesn't mean that you bully them.
But when they're not there, there's the little conversation where you're like, yo, would you smash that fucking dude pussy or what?
You know what I mean?
There's just a little combo about that.
And the answer is, Si said Puele.
Si Ser Puele, Cardinal.
Bro.
Okay, Cassetta.
You're half Indian, half what?
No, that still bothers us.
Spanish.
That bothers me more than the transpanes.
Nah, that's one more.
Mendez-Jones, Zelia Mendez-Jones.
He could be going.
He could be.
He could be going.
Nah, he was one of those witches that they asked you for.
No, no, no.
You're going to scare Akash.
You're going to say, we got to cut this whole conversation.
No, why would I care?
I'd send him money.
But that is, that is, I think that, you know, in the most toxic way possible, we came to a good conclusion, which is you can do the forced diversity, but anytime you force something, you have to acknowledge it in a real way in the world.
Like back in the day, if there was like a black doctor on TV, all the characters should be like, fucking why?
If there was a transphobic person, now we're talking.
Now we're talking.
First, I'm looking at him for the example.
Back at CD, like, hey, listen.
if we had Cosby, everybody was about to say, if women Cosby was like, yo, this guy's black.
If women questioned, if women were a little more racist, they would have been.
If women were a little bit more racist with Mr. Huxable, they would have been a l that's a fact.
Think about it.
Think about it.
The women were like, ain't no way this black dude's a doctor.
They would have been.
Lack of impulse control.
That is a simple Oh here's a Kaya Waka, what it do?
I'm betting with the snappers, can the flagrant is the crew?