Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Trevor Wallace & Blaustein on Pranking a Kardashian, Being Sued by Whiteclaw & Secret of Going Viral
Aired: 2023-10-17
Duration: 03:10:15


=== The Meanest Thing I've Done (15:07) ===

[00:00:00]  This is maybe the meanest thing I've done, but this is crazy.
[00:00:02]  We have it on tape.
[00:00:03]  Do you have it?
[00:00:03]  No, you don't.
[00:00:04]  We haven't.
[00:00:04]  We have it.
[00:00:05]  Look at this fish.
[00:00:06]  We have it on everything.
[00:00:07]  I am so nervous.
[00:00:09]  It's so good.
[00:00:10]  I'm sweating to stay about this.
[00:00:12]  I find it.
[00:00:13]  I've had it.
[00:00:14]  Oh, no.
[00:00:14]  I can't watch this.
[00:00:17]  Dude.
[00:00:18]  Yeah.
[00:00:19]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:00:20]  After this, we'll decide if we're going to leave it in.
[00:00:24]  What's up, guys?
[00:00:24]  Welcome to Flagrant.
[00:00:25]  Andrew is not here.
[00:00:26]  He is in Europe right now.
[00:00:28]  I am here with YouTube stars in his stead.
[00:00:30]  One guy who's been seeing for years, another guy who's a brother of mine who's blowing the f ⁇ up so quickly.
[00:00:35]  Guys, give it up for Trevor Wallace and Michael Blastein.
[00:00:38]  Give it up, boy.
[00:00:39]  Thanks for having me.
[00:00:40]  But I got my ankles out to pay tribute to Schultz out here, so I'll get a bust out.
[00:00:45]  Gotta let everything know.
[00:00:46]  Let the calves go.
[00:00:47]  That's a problem.
[00:00:48]  We miss you.
[00:00:49]  Calves out and you're on it.
[00:00:50]  Dude, you got pretty nice calves.
[00:00:51]  I've never seen them before.
[00:00:52]  I mean, I have seen them, but I never really take a like a hard gander.
[00:00:55]  I used to raise a scooter growing up.
[00:00:57]  You got a lot of bites there.
[00:00:58]  Bed bugs?
[00:00:58]  Bites?
[00:00:59]  Oh, yeah.
[00:01:00]  I was in Petty.
[00:01:00]  Yeah.
[00:01:01]  Till first, I want to make sure we plug stiff socks to podcasts you guys do together.
[00:01:04]  It's very huge Patreon.
[00:01:06]  Y'all are killing it.
[00:01:07]  You guys talk to a lot of porn stars.
[00:01:09]  Yeah.
[00:01:09]  I know a lot of people are probably wondering why do we do that?
[00:01:15]  The views.
[00:01:16]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:01:17]  They're actually great.
[00:01:18]  I was teasing, but what people do really want to know is, Y'all is single.
[00:01:22]  Yeah.
[00:01:22]  Yeah.
[00:01:23]  We f the point.
[00:01:24]  Is that what you're asking?
[00:01:25]  I did it last night.
[00:01:26]  No, not any porn star we ever had on this show.
[00:01:28]  Yeah, me neither.
[00:01:30]  You have chemistry with some of them, bro.
[00:01:32]  So do he.
[00:01:33]  I will say this.
[00:01:34]  We have had sex with porn stars independent.
[00:01:37]  We have.
[00:01:37]  Independently, but never anyone that's been on the show.
[00:01:40]  That's cat.
[00:01:41]  What happens?
[00:01:41]  No, I don't believe that shit at all.
[00:01:43]  That's cat.
[00:01:44]  That's crazy.
[00:01:45]  No, they literally come on the show.
[00:01:46]  They're like, somebody you want them to keep coming on.
[00:01:49]  That's fine.
[00:01:50]  I'm a married man, and I would say that instead of no porn star would want to f ⁇ me.
[00:01:54]  But they wanted to f ⁇ , I would absolutely f ⁇ .
[00:01:59]  So it's like plug talk, but you just lie about f ⁇ ing stuff.
[00:02:02]  Yeah, it's the opposite.
[00:02:04]  No, no, no.
[00:02:04]  I plug talk.
[00:02:05]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:02:06]  We're plugging f ⁇ ing fly.
[00:02:07]  That's it.
[00:02:08]  Look, here's the thing.
[00:02:09]  They think we do, but a lot of it is like their friends will DMs.
[00:02:11]  Like, oh, we saw you had so-and-so on.
[00:02:12]  I want to go on.
[00:02:13]  And then it kind of like starts a conversation.
[00:02:15]  And they're like, oh, well, what are you up to?
[00:02:16]  So it's like they're friends of the friends, but never any of the girls that were on the show.
[00:02:20]  We're getting farm league stars.
[00:02:23]  Yes.
[00:02:23]  Farm league.
[00:02:24]  Ask me.
[00:02:24]  Yes, it's good.
[00:02:25]  Fuck.
[00:02:26]  Crazy good.
[00:02:27]  Crazy.
[00:02:27]  Mouth game.
[00:02:28]  Insane.
[00:02:29]  LeBron.
[00:02:30]  Mouth like the golf ball.
[00:02:32]  She literally takes my seat and goes, it's crazy.
[00:02:35]  It's insane.
[00:02:36]  Dude, I said this on the podcast last time.
[00:02:38]  This literally started the first thing.
[00:02:42]  We kissed for three seconds and then she started.
[00:02:44]  She put her back on the bed and leaned over like a rainbow.
[00:02:48]  Like that.
[00:02:48]  We started.
[00:02:50]  He doesn't know what's happening right now.
[00:02:51]  I know.
[00:02:51]  I got it.
[00:02:51]  Okay.
[00:02:52]  Crazy.
[00:02:52]  Started.
[00:02:53]  Crazy.
[00:02:53]  Who do you think?
[00:02:55]  I don't know where that's.
[00:02:57]  What I'm saying is like to start there is crazy.
[00:03:01]  How did you end?
[00:03:02]  Just like hugging or something?
[00:03:03]  You got to go backwards.
[00:03:04]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:03:05]  She made me a sound.
[00:03:07]  Yeah, exactly.
[00:03:07]  Yeah, dude.
[00:03:08]  It was, yeah, that's the, it was fun.
[00:03:11]  It was fun.
[00:03:12]  Well, to answer your question, we've never had anyone, anyone that's been on the show.
[00:03:15]  It's fine.
[00:03:15]  Let them go.
[00:03:16]  No, it's fine.
[00:03:17]  Because they want to like show you what they do.
[00:03:19]  And they see us as like, let me say, you ever see somebody on stage bombing?
[00:03:22]  You're like, I can't wait to go up there and show this crowd what it is.
[00:03:24]  I think those girls see that as us.
[00:03:26]  So like, we're bombing in bed.
[00:03:27]  Me, maybe.
[00:03:28]  I don't know.
[00:03:28]  He fucks.
[00:03:28]  But like, this girl's like, I can't wait to make blow this guy's brain.
[00:03:31]  Yeah.
[00:03:32]  So she does like half what she does on the screen.
[00:03:33]  And I'm like, ooh, it like loses it.
[00:03:36]  Yeah.
[00:03:37]  So this is, it's incredible.
[00:03:38]  Yeah.
[00:03:38]  You guys are never going to get in a relationship again.
[00:03:41]  No.
[00:03:42]  I'm out.
[00:03:42]  There's no way.
[00:03:43]  No, no, no, no.
[00:03:45]  Like, there's no way.
[00:03:47]  There's no way.
[00:03:47]  I've seen Blau in a relationship and I've seen Blau single.
[00:03:50]  Crazy.
[00:03:52]  180.
[00:03:56]  In a dump truck a week ago.
[00:03:59]  Fucking in a dump truck.
[00:04:00]  I never, so Blau and I, for those of you who don't know, Blau came up at the Village Lantern with us.
[00:04:04]  And I think it's cool because, like, me, Schultz, you all came up, and our crowd work clips are what people notice.
[00:04:09]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:04:10]  I don't know about you.
[00:04:10]  I have people being like, and I see it on Schultz's thing too.
[00:04:13]  Oh, he must plant people in the audience.
[00:04:14]  And it's like, no, you guys don't know.
[00:04:15]  We came up in hell.
[00:04:16]  Hell, we just had to get really good at crowd work.
[00:04:18]  That's all we could do.
[00:04:19]  So it's so fucking cool.
[00:04:20]  I love this, but I've known you since like 09.
[00:04:23]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:04:24]  And I remember a story about Blau.
[00:04:25]  And this, I was just like, this is the horniest man I've ever met.
[00:04:28]  He met a girl at a show, and then he talked to me the next day on the phone before everybody had iPhones and was texting.
[00:04:34]  And he was like, man, I just, I'm really fucking, my dick hurts.
[00:04:38]  And I was like, I was like, what?
[00:04:40]  What do you mean?
[00:04:40]  He was like, what day of the week is this?
[00:04:42]  This is a Friday.
[00:04:43]  This is a Friday.
[00:04:43]  But we had shows at the Village Lantern every day.
[00:04:46]  So he was like, I was like, what happened?
[00:04:48]  He was like, oh, dude, that girl from the show, I fucked her twice last night.
[00:04:51]  And then I fucked her again in the morning.
[00:04:52]  And I had an audition and I came back and fucked her again.
[00:04:55]  And then I just beat my dick in the shower.
[00:04:57]  And I was like, God damn.
[00:04:59]  Oh, I can tell you back then he was fucking girls.
[00:05:05]  Bloom's been fucking like he was famous for you to an audition after coming twice.
[00:05:09]  I'd walk in.
[00:05:10]  I don't give a shit about this role.
[00:05:11]  Fucking give to the night.
[00:05:12]  Dude, it was like a craft singles commercial.
[00:05:14]  Who gives a shit?
[00:05:16]  Slit your name, bitch.
[00:05:17]  Shut up.
[00:05:18]  And leave.
[00:05:18]  Can I tell your MSM story?
[00:05:19]  Yeah, of course.
[00:05:20]  So we went out there.
[00:05:21]  We did the red light district.
[00:05:22]  We dabbled, right?
[00:05:22]  He gets dabble.
[00:05:24]  We, all right, I'll dig it.
[00:05:28]  Dabbled shit.
[00:05:29]  The red lights were green that night.
[00:05:30]  It's a go.
[00:05:31]  You double.
[00:05:31]  No, he gets duped on one.
[00:05:33]  He gets duped finesse.
[00:05:34]  He comes back to the bar.
[00:05:35]  I never duped on a hooker or what?
[00:05:39]  It was.
[00:05:40]  I need a little more context.
[00:05:41]  What was he doing?
[00:05:42]  He got that pyramid scheme hooks.
[00:05:44]  She came in with 200 and was like, No, no, go, go.
[00:05:47]  She came and was like, it's $200.
[00:05:48]  And then he goes, okay.
[00:05:49]  And then he goes, all right, what about this?
[00:05:50]  He goes, okay, it's $300.
[00:05:52]  And then another.
[00:05:52]  Just give me details, dude.
[00:05:53]  Let's not forget.
[00:05:54]  These are horrors.
[00:05:55]  You lead it.
[00:05:55]  You lead it.
[00:05:56]  So I'll do this and you jump in with.
[00:05:58]  And this is a hooker that Trevor's being a hooker, to be clear.
[00:06:00]  What would you say again?
[00:06:01]  You're talking about sex workers, right?
[00:06:03]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:06:03]  We went to Amsterdam.
[00:06:04]  I'm just goba employees.
[00:06:08]  But you did drugs out there.
[00:06:09]  So I want to be able to do it.
[00:06:09]  I'm still trying to figure out.
[00:06:10]  Wait.
[00:06:16]  I just did it.
[00:06:16]  How did the air?
[00:06:18]  It's okay.
[00:06:19]  It's all right.
[00:06:19]  You're okay.
[00:06:20]  No, I don't know.
[00:06:21]  Because they did drugs out there too a lot.
[00:06:22]  Yeah.
[00:06:23]  You got that on the pod.
[00:06:24]  So I want to distinguish everybody who saw that clip.
[00:06:26]  Because sometimes we watch our friends' clips and sometimes we don't.
[00:06:30]  Okay.
[00:06:33]  This is not about you guys buying shrooms and doing them on the pod.
[00:06:35]  This is about sex workers.
[00:06:36]  This is about sex workers.
[00:06:37]  So obviously, Amstram has a red light dish.
[00:06:39]  We had to, we had to dabble.
[00:06:40]  So we went.
[00:06:41]  I found literally one of the hottest women I've ever seen.
[00:06:44]  Because when I went, I was like, they're going to be average.
[00:06:46]  They're not.
[00:06:47]  Hot.
[00:06:48]  Dog tense.
[00:06:49]  Like tense.
[00:06:50]  They look like they're airbrushed and they're not.
[00:06:52]  They're so fucking unbelievably hot.
[00:06:54]  So I was going to say, found one, whatever.
[00:06:56]  I found one, open up.
[00:06:57]  And I was like, I found one.
[00:06:58]  And I was like, how much?
[00:07:00]  She goes, $100.
[00:07:01]  And I was like, the fuck?
[00:07:02]  I'll give it.
[00:07:03]  He'll spend money on.
[00:07:04]  Oh, yeah.
[00:07:06]  So I get in there, blah, blah, blah.
[00:07:08]  Swipe my card.
[00:07:09]  And then we get on the bed.
[00:07:10]  And then she puts a condom on and then puts like a paper towel with a hole in it, a big hole around my dick.
[00:07:18]  She took a big pen of it.
[00:07:20]  It was a big one.
[00:07:21]  And then she put it over, right?
[00:07:23]  And then, literally, bro.
[00:07:24]  So I'm sitting on the thing, the most apathetic hand job ever, right?
[00:07:29]  So she goes, she's leaning forward and just goes like this.
[00:07:34]  No eye contact, no one, right?
[00:07:35]  So I don't know if you guys know this.
[00:07:36]  I can't get hard at all, right?
[00:07:38]  So then she looks at me.
[00:07:39]  She goes, Do you want me to give you a head?
[00:07:42]  And I was like, oh, yeah.
[00:07:44]  Yeah.
[00:07:44]  Yeah.
[00:07:45]  Then she goes, $100.
[00:07:48]  And I go, oh, I already paid for it.
[00:07:51]  You know what?
[00:07:51]  We're at non.
[00:07:52]  We're at non.
[00:07:53]  You pay for the seat.
[00:07:54]  Now let me beat that meat.
[00:07:55]  100 bucks.
[00:07:56]  So, okay, so $5,000 later.
[00:07:59]  So, so we're at 200, right?
[00:08:01]  And in my head, I go, I literally thought of you.
[00:08:03]  Hey, yo, dickheart, not hard, actually.
[00:08:05]  I thought of you, and I was like, We're at Amsterdam.
[00:08:07]  Let me experience this.
[00:08:08]  What am I going to be?
[00:08:09]  A fucking Jew here?
[00:08:10]  Who cares?
[00:08:12]  Swiping.
[00:08:13]  He is a Jew for the ride.
[00:08:14]  I am a Jew Blaustein.
[00:08:15]  So I got his K card.
[00:08:19]  It's still.
[00:08:28]  So I'm like, I'm like, fuck it.
[00:08:30]  Let's experience this, right?
[00:08:32]  And then, so, whatever, give us another thing.
[00:08:34]  And then, and that still can't get hard, right?
[00:08:37]  And then she's like, do you want to fuck?
[00:08:38]  And I go, okay.
[00:08:41]  Cut to the chase, bitch.
[00:08:42]  Like, what?
[00:08:43]  What's total?
[00:08:44]  I don't know.
[00:08:44]  Another, another 200, I think.
[00:08:48]  And then I still can't get a hard because she's not doing anything to a route.
[00:08:52]  There's no connection, obviously.
[00:08:53]  There's no chemistry, obviously, right?
[00:08:55]  She looks hot, but that's it.
[00:08:56]  What are your gold-ass races?
[00:08:58]  Yeah.
[00:08:59]  I mean, like, literally, let me read your diary, something.
[00:09:01]  So, so I can't get hard, right?
[00:09:03]  And then she just stands up.
[00:09:04]  She goes, well, I mean, you can't get hard.
[00:09:06]  So, it's over, bitch.
[00:09:09]  She goes, time's up.
[00:09:10]  She goes, time's up.
[00:09:11]  She goes, you get 20 minutes in here.
[00:09:12]  She goes, it's 19 minutes.
[00:09:14]  You got one minute left.
[00:09:15]  There's nothing we can really do in a minute, right?
[00:09:16]  Yo, she gave you a 19-minute soft hand job.
[00:09:20]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:09:22]  That's great.
[00:09:23]  It's like some ASMR shit, you know?
[00:09:25]  I think you're forgetting intermittently of intermittently of that 19 minutes.
[00:09:29]  We're doing my transactions and haggling.
[00:09:32]  So an apathetic hand job and haggling.
[00:09:34]  She's asking for the CVV, you know?
[00:09:36]  Yeah, I mean, I'm literally, my dick is inside of me, right?
[00:09:38]  It's the most, the most unattractive situation I've ever been in.
[00:09:41]  Also, again, I'm stingy.
[00:09:43]  So I'm doing this math in my fucking head.
[00:09:45]  I can't get hard with him.
[00:09:46]  Is this a tax write-off?
[00:09:48]  I'm texting my welcome.
[00:09:51]  Anyway, she goes, yeah.
[00:09:52]  And I go, I go, it hasn't been 19 minutes.
[00:09:55]  She goes, it has.
[00:09:56]  And I go, no, it hasn't.
[00:09:57]  Do you know why?
[00:09:58]  Because I tell time for a living.
[00:10:02]  I tell time for a living.
[00:10:03]  That's what I see.
[00:10:05]  You're delusional.
[00:10:08]  Because of stand-up, you generally always know about what 20 minutes is.
[00:10:12]  Well, 45 is what an hour is.
[00:10:14]  But an insane thing.
[00:10:15]  This girl doesn't speak English.
[00:10:16]  It's like, I tell time.
[00:10:18]  I can feel time.
[00:10:18]  I can feel time.
[00:10:20]  16 minutes.
[00:10:21]  How long have you been doing this?
[00:10:23]  We have been recording 1445.
[00:10:26]  Not that.
[00:10:26]  That's not bad.
[00:10:27]  That's not that.
[00:10:28]  That's not that.
[00:10:29]  It wouldn't be hard if we were jerking off right now.
[00:10:32]  And the same time I told the story too, I looked at Gabe who was a producer, who's our producer on Sift Socks, and I said the time.
[00:10:38]  And it was like 47 minutes, like 47 minutes.
[00:10:40]  He was like, bro, it's like, it was like 46, 15 or some shit.
[00:10:43]  So, anyways, so I can feel time.
[00:10:44]  Bitch, it wasn't.
[00:10:46]  I guess it wasn't a, but it wasn't 19 minutes.
[00:10:51]  It was been seven or eight minutes.
[00:10:52]  So I just start fuming.
[00:10:54]  I'm like 500.
[00:10:55]  We meet up at the bar together.
[00:10:56]  We got our two producers at the bar waiting because they're loyal men.
[00:10:58]  Belovedies are loyal men.
[00:11:00]  Mine was the easiest.
[00:11:01]  $200.
[00:11:02]  Hey, bada bing, bada boop.
[00:11:03]  We're nothing, right?
[00:11:04]  Yeah.
[00:11:04]  And then I'm at the bar waiting for him.
[00:11:05]  This guy comes in fuming.
[00:11:07]  Dog, fuming.
[00:11:08]  You know, Michael in his mouth.
[00:11:10]  I've never seen him this mad.
[00:11:11]  I've never seen him this match.
[00:11:12]  He had the spirit.
[00:11:13]  He was about to fly home.
[00:11:14]  He was like, I told him, I was like, yo, if there was a ticket presented to me, I would have flown home.
[00:11:22]  Because the thing loves more than anything is sex.
[00:11:24]  And the thing he hates more than anything is spending money.
[00:11:26]  So he just spent a lot of money.
[00:11:27]  The thing he hates to not do the thing he loves.
[00:11:30]  Yeah.
[00:11:30]  And I got bamboozled.
[00:11:31]  The bamboozled thing is the thing that fucked me up.
[00:11:34]  Hoodwinked by a hoe.
[00:11:36]  God damn.
[00:11:37]  I was so mad.
[00:11:38]  So I talk him out of this.
[00:11:38]  I go, we got to get you back out there, man.
[00:11:40]  You can't, this can't be your one Amsterdam experience.
[00:11:42]  We leave in like a day.
[00:11:43]  Let's get you back.
[00:11:45]  You know, because I, it was so fun.
[00:11:47]  It was great.
[00:11:48]  So I go, we got to get you that too, right?
[00:11:49]  This is where we all come back full circle to what you were talking about.
[00:11:52]  He goes, finds a nice lady.
[00:11:54]  They get an attraction.
[00:11:55]  They're talking, oh, zodiac signs, Capricorn.
[00:11:57]  Well, they hit it off, right?
[00:11:59]  And they do that.
[00:12:00]  But then he tells me the next morning after he did the fornication, he went home and still beat his meat.
[00:12:06]  Yeah.
[00:12:06]  Yeah.
[00:12:06]  How to get it out.
[00:12:07]  Yeah.
[00:12:08]  I'm sorry.
[00:12:09]  No response on that.
[00:12:10]  Yeah, 39.
[00:12:10]  That's crazy.
[00:12:11]  But it beat the meat.
[00:12:12]  But like, think about that.
[00:12:13]  Got blueball, finally got one off, and then goes back home and goes, if anybody's fucking jerking me, it's me.
[00:12:19]  I think, I think that's kind of what it is because fucking is fun, but like I know how to pledge myself the best.
[00:12:26]  Oh, you got a problem.
[00:12:28]  Yeah, he's a sex addict.
[00:12:31]  But I'm a controlled sex addict.
[00:12:32]  Do you know what I mean?
[00:12:33]  Like, here's it.
[00:12:34]  No, this is what I'm saying.
[00:12:35]  When Blau's in a relationship, he is faithful.
[00:12:37]  He's like working on communication, all the gate things I work on all the time.
[00:12:41]  Blau does that in a relationship.
[00:12:43]  And then when he's.
[00:12:43]  The guys are destroyed.
[00:12:46]  Sure.
[00:12:46]  Yeah.
[00:12:47]  He's like pizza.
[00:12:48]  He's like holding pigs in there and shit.
[00:12:49]  But, you know, beating off is that's still very faithful when you're in a relationship.
[00:12:53]  That's what he's doing.
[00:12:54]  Yeah.
[00:12:54]  But a fucking switch flips on and off in a single and in a relationship.
[00:12:58]  I've never seen anything like it.
[00:13:00]  Quick question with the first chick.
[00:13:01]  Is it like when you go to a bar and she's like, you want to keep the tab open?
[00:13:04]  Like, how is she hopping up the transaction?
[00:13:06]  Does she stop jerking your shit off?
[00:13:08]  And there's an account in the corner.
[00:13:10]  I'll tell you what it is.
[00:13:11]  It's, it's the game I think I'm pretty sure they all play where it's like, once I get a man hard, he will do anything.
[00:13:18]  So once, once, but you weren't even hard.
[00:13:20]  I wasn't.
[00:13:21]  But like in my exact, you were mentally hard.
[00:13:23]  Yeah.
[00:13:24]  So that's what it was.
[00:13:25]  Like she gets you hard and she goes, well, do you want this?
[00:13:27]  And you go, yeah.
[00:13:28]  So when you say, yeah, does she take out the machine and be like, all right, Apple pay it.
[00:13:31]  And then she's like, a lot of cars are like going through and shit's not working out.
[00:13:36]  And also we're taking Apple paper.
[00:13:39]  It was crazy.
[00:13:41]  Because, yeah, because to Trent's point, like, if you spend $200 at a fucking at a spa in Amsterdam, whatever the fuck it's, it's going through the credit card machine.
[00:13:50]  The chase is not going to allow you to do another 100 fucking 10 minutes later.
[00:13:54]  They think it's declined.
[00:13:55]  So it's fraud.
[00:13:56]  So I'm, I'm answering text messages from Chase.
[00:13:58]  Yeah, it's all good.
[00:13:59]  I'm trying to get blown.
[00:14:01]  It's like, dude, everything is the most unhotted.
[00:14:04]  He's yelling in the corner.
[00:14:04]  Customer service.
[00:14:06]  Customer service.
[00:14:08]  I'm about to nut.
[00:14:09]  Yeah, why don't you just go with like a high class, spend a little money?
[00:14:13]  It's done, dude.
[00:14:13]  It's business.
[00:14:14]  What do you mean?
[00:14:15]  Like, I'm sure there's high-class hookers in Amsterdam.
[00:14:17]  It's like, it's $1,000 for the night.
[00:14:19]  And then you just have home.
[00:14:21]  We didn't know.
[00:14:21]  And I'm telling you, I know what you're picturing.
[00:14:24]  Like, I'll be honest, I've been to the Red Life District and they're fucking skeeved me out, dude.
[00:14:28]  Yeah, it's not.
[00:14:29]  It was disgusting.
[00:14:30]  It was a disgusting thing.
[00:14:32]  It's like, and then the guys have the creepiest fucking looks when they're going in.
[00:14:35]  It's just like, oh, God, dude, this is all gross.
[00:14:37]  Dude, the funniest thing ever is.
[00:14:38]  It's fine, but like, just pay and have it in a private thing.
[00:14:41]  When I came out of the second one, I was all nutted.
[00:14:43]  I got nut out and the woman was nice.
[00:14:46]  And then the moment I come out, there's a fucking fan from the podcast, Blau, just the moment.
[00:14:53]  If you feel horrible, dude, like you don't feel great coming out of there.
[00:14:57]  You know what I mean?
[00:14:58]  No, leeway.
[00:14:58]  It's straight into the mix.
[00:14:59]  There's just hundreds of people.
[00:15:01]  It's like a parade of horniness.
[00:15:02]  And you're like, how do I, is there a back entrance?
[00:15:05]  And you're like, YouTube superstar.

=== A Parade of Horniness (02:31) ===

[00:15:07]  We have their hat hood on.
[00:15:09]  I'm looking low.
[00:15:10]  I'm on my phone and be like, what's the tax?
[00:15:11]  Yeah, is this for Lyft?
[00:15:12]  And then I just sneak on it.
[00:15:14]  You got a phone, Charger?
[00:15:16]  All right, here's cash app.
[00:15:17]  But that was a funny thing.
[00:15:17]  It's like, Amsterdam, we were, he was getting recognized, obviously, more than me, but like, we were all getting recognized.
[00:15:22]  And then we went to a Biza or Biza, whatever the fuck.
[00:15:25]  And we're like, all right, hell yeah.
[00:15:26]  This is like Ho Central.
[00:15:28]  Yeah.
[00:15:28]  Zero people.
[00:15:29]  Didn't give a shit.
[00:15:30]  Knew who we were.
[00:15:31]  Zero.
[00:15:31]  Like, I'm talking about, like, they wouldn't even look at us.
[00:15:33]  It was such a fucking disparity between two places.
[00:15:37]  They didn't give a fuck.
[00:15:38]  That was hilarious.
[00:15:39]  We got a boat.
[00:15:40]  He was so nice.
[00:15:41]  He rented the company a boat.
[00:15:43]  That's crazy.
[00:15:43]  No hoes.
[00:15:44]  One guy the whole time we're there three days goes, yo, YouTube shorts.
[00:15:47]  I'm like, oh, fucking right now.
[00:15:50]  Damn, you got a yacht with no hoes.
[00:15:52]  Dude, sad.
[00:15:53]  And here's the thing.
[00:15:54]  No hoes is a crazy special.
[00:15:56]  We had a yacht, no hoes, and there was a boat.
[00:15:58]  There was this big-ass boat.
[00:16:00]  It wasn't even a nice boat.
[00:16:01]  Chock full of hoes.
[00:16:03]  The most hoes I've ever seen on one fucking boat in my life.
[00:16:07]  Zero wanted to get on a boat.
[00:16:08]  No one wanted to get on a boat.
[00:16:10]  Oh, my God.
[00:16:10]  Zero.
[00:16:11]  They look like the picture of the Giants where they had Tim's and shit like that.
[00:16:14]  She's a bunch of Jesus.
[00:16:16]  It's like, yo, we fly on his boat with no hoes.
[00:16:19]  It was funny.
[00:16:20]  We were just flying.
[00:16:20]  We're like, yo, man, that's what we need.
[00:16:22]  This is a trip for the boys.
[00:16:23]  Nobody is more like reflect on their own life than a guy with no hoes.
[00:16:25]  Like, man, what's what we needed?
[00:16:26]  Just the boys out there, you know?
[00:16:28]  What do you want?
[00:16:29]  If he's going to get in the way, do what?
[00:16:30]  They're going to give us head.
[00:16:31]  Who cares?
[00:16:31]  We don't need that.
[00:16:32]  We just need hoes.
[00:16:33]  We just need us.
[00:16:34]  And cheesecakes.
[00:16:35]  But yeah, jerked off after red light disc.
[00:16:37]  That's crazy.
[00:16:37]  Jerk off again, had sex four times with a girl within 12 hours or whatever.
[00:16:43]  And then later that night was like, I need a fifth.
[00:16:45]  But do you think five nuts in a calendar day is crazy?
[00:16:48]  Guys, tour dates.
[00:16:50]  I'm going to be in Atlanta October 27th through 29th.
[00:16:54]  Hurry up and buy your tickets because they're going fast.
[00:16:56]  December 1st and 2nd, I'm going to be in Portland begrudgingly against my will.
[00:16:59]  I hate that city, but I have a feeling they have great comedy fans because you're probably tired of living there with them Antifa idiots.
[00:17:05]  So tickets available on my website for that.
[00:17:07]  Also, December 8th, New Orleans is one of my favorite cities I've ever been to.
[00:17:10]  I'm excited to go back and perform comedy.
[00:17:12]  And UK, I got to announce these dates because tickets are almost sold out.
[00:17:16]  Glasgow, December 17th.
[00:17:17]  London, December 18th.
[00:17:19]  And Manchester, December 19th.
[00:17:22]  Also, last announcement, I promised, January 18th through 20th, DC improv.
[00:17:27]  Hurry up and buy your tickets for those shows and more at akashsing.com.
[00:17:31]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:17:32]  Is Jill Beetle still that high?
[00:17:34]  It's pretty high.
[00:17:35]  It depends on like, it's very situational.

=== Hurry Up and Buy Tickets (04:17) ===

[00:17:38]  Like, if I'm in a relationship, nah.
[00:17:45]  I mean, Judas do it.
[00:17:47]  No, we don't.
[00:17:47]  No, we don't.
[00:17:48]  We have no idea what you mean.
[00:17:50]  We fuck it all the time, right, Akash?
[00:17:52]  I know.
[00:17:52]  I've been harassing the fuck out of you.
[00:17:54]  I love it, dude.
[00:17:56]  I love it.
[00:17:56]  Yeah, but you guys say one and a half at least.
[00:17:59]  She gives me one and a half at least.
[00:18:00]  All right.
[00:18:01]  You know what I mean?
[00:18:02]  One and a half a week average age.
[00:18:05]  Have you ever seen those sitcoms in like the 90s or whatever?
[00:18:08]  Where are the children?
[00:18:09]  This never wants to have sex with his wife.
[00:18:11]  Well, actually, I'm thinking like the inverse, actually, when the dude's always trying and the woman's like, oh, you want to leave me land?
[00:18:17]  I think it's just, I think it's always so funny.
[00:18:19]  Well, I mean, you're going really against this point of mine, but like, but like the, that's never the, like, the girl's like, okay, you want it?
[00:18:27]  It's like, dude, it's this, you have, do you have the same?
[00:18:29]  You have the same pussy, right?
[00:18:30]  That I've been fucking for three years, then I'm good.
[00:18:33]  I'm good.
[00:18:34]  It sounds mean, but like, I'm good.
[00:18:36]  That's why you need the new.
[00:18:38]  That's why I'm a maniac when I'm single because it's all new.
[00:18:41]  Hey, future blow girls.
[00:18:43]  This is what you got to look forward to.
[00:18:45]  Yeah, you need that.
[00:18:46]  You're the only person I would suggest a Will Jada situation.
[00:18:48]  Yes.
[00:18:49]  You need a Jada.
[00:18:50]  Oh, really love you?
[00:18:51]  Yeah.
[00:18:51]  And it's like, oh, do whatever you want to do.
[00:18:53]  And I just want to capitalize and be fans next to you.
[00:18:55]  That's great.
[00:18:56]  That's perfect.
[00:18:57]  Speaking of Jada real quick, I'm going to pitch my idea and to see what you guys think about this.
[00:19:01]  But Jada was, I sat next to Jada on the flight here.
[00:19:05]  This one?
[00:19:05]  Bad.
[00:19:06]  This one?
[00:19:06]  Yeah.
[00:19:07]  How many dudes is she with?
[00:19:10]  We had the individual pods.
[00:19:12]  First class hoe.
[00:19:14]  Oh, yeah.
[00:19:14]  She was the pod next to me.
[00:19:16]  Dude, did you say anything?
[00:19:17]  What am I going to say?
[00:19:18]  Let me see the pussy.
[00:19:20]  I mean, I don't know.
[00:19:21]  We respect it.
[00:19:23]  You could probably.
[00:19:25]  She's, I don't know if you guys ever seen her person, dude.
[00:19:27]  She's so good.
[00:19:30]  She looks better in person.
[00:19:32]  You can tell she's a beautiful woman.
[00:19:34]  You can also tell she's a succubus who probably sucks the soul out of people to look better.
[00:19:38]  You know what I mean?
[00:19:39]  These are things that you can just tell by looking at the head.
[00:19:40]  She seems like you like soul suckers.
[00:19:43]  You need that.
[00:19:44]  Yeah.
[00:19:44]  I mean, you're going to fall apart if it's.
[00:19:47]  Dude, she took Will Smith.
[00:19:48]  You remember who Will Smith was when we were children?
[00:19:50]  Yeah.
[00:19:50]  He was a fucking, he was a superhero.
[00:19:52]  Fuck the movies.
[00:19:53]  He was a superhero and now he's a broken.
[00:19:55]  He looks like a homeless person that I wouldn't give a dollar to.
[00:19:58]  Damn.
[00:19:59]  I mean, he not because I just don't give money to it.
[00:20:01]  I saw his last post.
[00:20:03]  He's just sitting on a boat and he looks so sad.
[00:20:06]  I mean, of course he does.
[00:20:07]  Like, what is his success?
[00:20:13]  Just think.
[00:20:14]  That's so.
[00:20:14]  I didn't see the post.
[00:20:15]  What is it?
[00:20:17]  You know, I needed some guy time.
[00:20:18]  It was good to reflect.
[00:20:21]  That's what you need sometimes.
[00:20:22]  What do you do if you're Will Smith right now?
[00:20:24]  What is a play?
[00:20:25]  What's the movie?
[00:20:25]  You just coast off?
[00:20:26]  You have to fuck someone very publicly.
[00:20:29]  Like someone bad.
[00:20:30]  Like Marvel Robbie again, that she's married.
[00:20:33]  So that would be disrespectful.
[00:20:34]  But somebody that level of hot and then just, we're going to be public this time.
[00:20:38]  I'm not doing this shit no more.
[00:20:40]  He just needs a banger of a movie.
[00:20:42]  Just like music.
[00:20:43]  That is true.
[00:20:44]  If he puts out a movie that's a banger, he's back.
[00:20:46]  I think he needs a fucking dude.
[00:20:48]  I think you just need to switch it all up.
[00:20:51]  Why not?
[00:20:52]  I've heard, there's rumors about him in L.A.
[00:20:53]  Yeah, we'll just come out.
[00:20:54]  Yeah.
[00:20:55]  But I mean, I don't believe it.
[00:20:56]  I feel like everybody at that certain level of fan, there's rumors.
[00:20:58]  Yeah, Real Battle.
[00:20:58]  Shout out to Real friend of ours.
[00:21:00]  He would be like, if you ever hear him, I'm happy for me.
[00:21:01]  That means I made it.
[00:21:03]  He was like, that's it.
[00:21:04]  That's the fucking compliment you could, the greatest compliment you could get.
[00:21:07]  Well, what do we think it is?
[00:21:08]  Do we think it's like just tired of, this sounds so crude, but bear with me.
[00:21:12]  Do we think we're because you get it so often, you're tired of it?
[00:21:15]  Or do you think you have those feelings even when you were a kid?
[00:21:19]  You just can't you're not fucking that much, right?
[00:21:23]  Oh, no.
[00:21:24]  The theory, yeah.
[00:21:25]  I'm saying that like when you get to it, when you get famous, like you're Will Smith, right?
[00:21:28]  Yeah, you just get so much.
[00:21:30]  The theory some people have is you get so much pussy, you're like, let me try something different.
[00:21:34]  I can't imagine that.
[00:21:35]  James Hannah, rest in peace, very funny comic.
[00:21:37]  He had a joke that he was like, hey, can somebody just let me know what that number is so I can stop two before that?
[00:21:43]  You know what I mean?
[00:21:44]  I'm good at certain points.
[00:21:45]  The old domino.
[00:21:46]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:21:46]  The whole domino.
[00:21:48]  I think I might be headed there.
[00:21:51]  Here's the thing, man.
[00:21:52]  I'm getting.

=== Trying Something Different (03:40) ===

[00:21:56]  Can I tell you, I hate your hair so much.
[00:21:59]  This is my first time seeing it from, and I truly hate it.
[00:22:02]  Yeah.
[00:22:02]  Like, I really hate it.
[00:22:05]  That's a new thing with comics.
[00:22:06]  I have a bad hair now.
[00:22:07]  You got Schultz, you got this guy.
[00:22:09]  There's just battles.
[00:22:10]  He's going to be selling out arenas soon.
[00:22:11]  Yeah, I feel good.
[00:22:12]  I'm fine with it.
[00:22:14]  Anyway, so I'm a cuck is what I'm trying to get.
[00:22:16]  Why the hair?
[00:22:18]  Honestly, there's no, I wish I had some cool reason.
[00:22:20]  Like, oh, I got fingered into Amsterdam and I just changed me or whatever.
[00:22:23]  I don't have a cool story.
[00:22:25]  I just wanted to do something different.
[00:22:26]  That's fair.
[00:22:26]  And I liked it.
[00:22:27]  Well, you want to do something different on the topic that we were just talking about.
[00:22:30]  Right.
[00:22:30]  You want to do something different.
[00:22:32]  Oh, what's his name?
[00:22:33]  But that's what I'm saying.
[00:22:34]  The whole like, the whole like cuck thing is not appealing to me.
[00:22:40]  I think I don't want to watch like a cuckoo through like, like, you know, they have hockey through the rink, like the glass.
[00:22:44]  Like, I don't want to be like a sporting man, you know?
[00:22:46]  That does sound fun.
[00:22:47]  Got like Coors Light.
[00:22:48]  I'm just watching.
[00:22:49]  Go, honey.
[00:22:50]  Yeah.
[00:22:50]  Oh, like, oh, like, I don't.
[00:22:52]  I hate that.
[00:22:52]  Don't really?
[00:22:53]  I just don't.
[00:22:54]  I don't.
[00:22:54]  Come on.
[00:22:55]  What?
[00:22:56]  Don't do the bid right now.
[00:22:57]  Just be honest that that's kind of weird.
[00:22:59]  What?
[00:22:59]  No, it's not my wanting tea.
[00:23:00]  It's not my cup of tea.
[00:23:01]  Yeah.
[00:23:02]  So here's the thing.
[00:23:03]  I'd rather be the guy fucking.
[00:23:04]  Oh, I know.
[00:23:05]  I can, I've talked about it before.
[00:23:06]  I'm very open with this.
[00:23:07]  So the thing that actually that intrigued me about it is I like, if I'm hooking up with a girl, I like when she sends me a video of her fucking or getting fucked by like her ex or getting fucked by whatever, like another man.
[00:23:21]  Is that addicted to porn?
[00:23:24]  I don't know.
[00:23:25]  I'm addicted.
[00:23:26]  I wouldn't say I'm addicted.
[00:23:27]  I just like different stuff.
[00:23:29]  I get bored of porn.
[00:23:30]  It's just the same old, same old.
[00:23:32]  So that's like the whole movies are more exciting.
[00:23:34]  Yeah.
[00:23:35]  It's a more interactive.
[00:23:37]  And the thing is, like, I always watch like the POV stuff, obviously, because I like to put, I'm like, oh, I'm that guy.
[00:23:41]  I'm that guy, right?
[00:23:42]  Yeah.
[00:23:42]  So with that movie, then I can actually have sex.
[00:23:46]  There's no race in the cuck stuff.
[00:23:48]  People be able to relate.
[00:23:50]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:23:54]  I got you now.
[00:23:55]  Now I get it.
[00:23:57]  That all makes sense now.
[00:23:58]  So whatever.
[00:23:59]  So the, so, yeah, so those videos that they send, I can put my, I can put myself in the video because I've had, because I have had sex with the girl.
[00:24:09]  So I can put myself in the video.
[00:24:10]  So I know that's not a full cuck thing, but I'm, I'm very turned on by that.
[00:24:16]  So I think I might be dipping my toe in it is what I'm saying.
[00:24:20]  I haven't, I've never experienced, but I, but I'm, there's an intuition that I had that I might be into it.
[00:24:26]  There's something hot by being like, your girl comes back and she, her makeup's running, and I go, yo, what happened?
[00:24:34]  That wasn't me.
[00:24:35]  Somebody else did that.
[00:24:36]  That was just me in the long run.
[00:24:38]  Cause now if I'm doing that and she's not having those similar effects, I'm in my head.
[00:24:42]  Like if I'm beating it up and it's not the same.
[00:24:44]  Yeah.
[00:24:45]  I mean, there is a certain confidence it takes in your dick game to be like, somebody else can fuck you and I'll just watch and be fine with it.
[00:24:51]  Yeah, there's, I think it's that, but also I think it's just like, it's a hot like proposition.
[00:24:55]  Are you none?
[00:24:56]  None of them think you fuck too much.
[00:24:59]  You're getting to that point.
[00:25:00]  Oh, no, yeah, I'm there.
[00:25:01]  If we're tying it all back to the beginning, but you're the one fucking.
[00:25:03]  I'm the one fucking.
[00:25:04]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:25:04]  So this doesn't appeal to you at all?
[00:25:06]  Zero.
[00:25:07]  I mean, like, less than that.
[00:25:08]  But I'm curious, though, like, how far away from the fucking are you?
[00:25:12]  Like, are you right up close?
[00:25:14]  Valid question.
[00:25:15]  Play from the music.
[00:25:16]  Where are you in the studio or seats or you're in the rafters?
[00:25:19]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:25:21]  So I don't know.
[00:25:22]  Free throw line, three-point line, no charge.
[00:25:25]  This is a great question.
[00:25:26]  I don't know if I want to be in the room.
[00:25:29]  So I don't know.
[00:25:30]  So I don't know exactly what this distinction would be.
[00:25:33]  Yeah.
[00:25:33]  He's just a director watching on the monitors and shit.

=== Less Than That Appeal (15:12) ===

[00:25:36]  No, but like I said.
[00:25:37]  She's like, I mean, if I was in a performance, you guys fuck, I'll be in video village.
[00:25:47]  Yeah, I don't know if I want to be in the action.
[00:25:51]  But the idea of her coming back after getting fucked and we talk about it and that arousing me to want to fuck her again, that's super hot to me.
[00:26:03]  And maybe that means that that's hot to me, but also in my brain, that means that I can do the same thing.
[00:26:08]  So maybe that's another.
[00:26:09]  Because it lets you cheat?
[00:26:10]  Correct.
[00:26:11]  So that might be another ingredient in the soup as well.
[00:26:14]  This is fascinating.
[00:26:15]  See, if I was that guy, I'd come back.
[00:26:16]  I've been messing with my own 15 years.
[00:26:17]  I've never known him less than I know him right now.
[00:26:21]  This is new.
[00:26:22]  This is new.
[00:26:22]  Yeah.
[00:26:23]  This is like a blessed year.
[00:26:24]  I'm processing this.
[00:26:25]  So then it does actually grow.
[00:26:27]  I think it does, yeah.
[00:26:28]  So then you're on your way to.
[00:26:30]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:26:31]  I said this six minutes ago.
[00:26:32]  Yeah.
[00:26:33]  Maybe.
[00:26:33]  Hey, man.
[00:26:34]  There's going to be a sign tolerance in three months.
[00:26:37]  If I can sell the O2 arena, great.
[00:26:39]  Yeah.
[00:26:40]  Fair enough.
[00:26:41]  They did great door deals there.
[00:26:43]  Dude, what?
[00:26:45]  Good.
[00:26:45]  I was going to talk to you because you mentioned selling out.
[00:26:48]  Blau and I, again, we know, not selling out like venues.
[00:26:50]  Blau and I, Blau's blown up so much in the past like three years and it's so fucking cool.
[00:26:54]  And I don't know, there's something I wanted to give you your flowers on.
[00:26:56]  I don't know if people know how hard you hustled when you didn't have money.
[00:27:01]  Like there's a story.
[00:27:02]  I think we told it on Patreon years ago.
[00:27:03]  I don't know if you remember.
[00:27:04]  Blau couldn't get booked.
[00:27:06]  I was in a similar position.
[00:27:07]  I couldn't get booked.
[00:27:08]  But what Blau did was he would email comedy clubs, pretend to be an agent.
[00:27:11]  What was his name?
[00:27:13]  Chris.
[00:27:13]  Chris McCormick.
[00:27:14]  Chris McCormick.
[00:27:16]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:27:17]  And he would send to comedy clubs across the country.
[00:27:19]  And then some of them would book.
[00:27:20]  He'd send on behalf of Michael Blaustein with the reel and everything.
[00:27:22]  And then sometimes he'd get booked.
[00:27:24]  And then that's just what it is.
[00:27:26]  Like this guy has fucking hustled, man.
[00:27:28]  And I've seen him.
[00:27:28]  I'm like, I'm like, I'm somebody who did it with LimeWire.
[00:27:30]  He used to change it to like Taylor Swift, and it would just be cranked at.
[00:27:33]  Yeah.
[00:27:33]  You download it.
[00:27:34]  Like, the fuck is this?
[00:27:35]  And then it's kind of like, what is this?
[00:27:36]  Yeah.
[00:27:37]  Oh, man.
[00:27:37]  And so it's very cool.
[00:27:38]  I just, again, as a brother to watch you and what feels like the past six months, it just went crazy.
[00:27:44]  So it's very cool to watch.
[00:27:45]  And I just want to give you love publicly on that.
[00:27:47]  Thank you, man.
[00:27:48]  Yeah.
[00:27:48]  It's uh he kind of submit blast Patreon just to sort of talk about like where I was like when I first got to like New York and then where we're at now.
[00:27:56]  It's a really it's a it's a wild trend.
[00:27:59]  It's a wild trend.
[00:28:00]  Well, I knew that Blau we thought was gonna take the fuck off in like 2010 or something because he was on punked.
[00:28:05]  Yeah.
[00:28:05]  We actually have one of your, your videos that we could pull up.
[00:28:09]  Yeah, it's you punking um Chloe Kardashian with Miley, with Miley.
[00:28:14]  On that one too, Andrew Santino, we could pull this up and play that fat Chloe is gonna Chloe, which one?
[00:28:20]  Uh, bigger Chloe.
[00:28:22]  But she's actually, if you watch it, we'll watch uh.
[00:28:24]  But she's actually like so likable through this thing.
[00:28:27]  She's really being sweet.
[00:28:28]  Just watch, that's young, blow dude, look how young he is.
[00:28:31]  So you go to Miley's house, ask if you can use the bathroom as a delivery boy, and then he's just screaming now.
[00:28:37]  So can we pause real quick, shut up.
[00:28:39]  So this, is there any backstory that we need to know, any like cool info about this?
[00:28:43]  How do they tell you what you're gonna do?
[00:28:45]  When do you find out?
[00:28:46]  What's that whole process?
[00:28:47]  Like dude, this the show is actually crazy, man.
[00:28:50]  Because you find out so last minute, because you're not, i'm not writing on it yeah, so i'm just kicking it.
[00:28:56]  And you get like an email or a phone call and they go meet me at the studio and you have to like just sort of be on call and you meet there and then they just tell you what it is and when you got there, Miley's the host.
[00:29:07]  She's pranking people.
[00:29:07]  Yeah, punking people yeah, is she in there within the studio, like is she involved in all of it?
[00:29:13]  Um, I mean like vaguely it's.
[00:29:15]  It's a lot of like the what it's.
[00:29:16]  A lot of the writers doing it yeah, you know.
[00:29:18]  Um, but it's a.
[00:29:19]  It's a very like go go, go type thing, because every like these people are hyper famous obviously, so their schedules are so insane, so when they lock things you have to go yeah, so it's a very like.
[00:29:31]  There's no like time to think, sort of.
[00:29:33]  And they like told me what the bit was, sort of like on the way to the house, like it's a, it was, it's.
[00:29:39]  And then the thing that really me up the most in this show is the go go go, but also the earpiece.
[00:29:45]  So there's an earpiece, there's a director talking to you, there's a producer, an EP, talking to you and some of the actors, like Santino, helped write a lot of these.
[00:29:52]  He's so funny and shout out to Andre Santino so funny and a lot of this.
[00:29:56]  He's like he's also in video village talking to me.
[00:29:59]  So there's like three people walking me through stuff and they might throw me some lines and I have to decide if I want to say the line that's in my head, or the line that they're saying, and it's a, there's a lot of things that are happening, and then you also just trying to play it.
[00:30:11]  Cool yeah, you don't have an earpiece in there, correct?
[00:30:14]  And you yeah exactly, you also have to like, and is the earpiece?
[00:30:16]  It's got to be super subtle.
[00:30:17]  It's super subtle.
[00:30:18]  Can we?
[00:30:18]  Can we play out and see how the rest is?
[00:30:20]  But Al, you haven't seen this right?
[00:30:21]  This is great.
[00:30:24]  So the prank is he has his nut caught in the zipper, right?
[00:30:27]  Yeah.
[00:30:27]  Yeah.
[00:30:27]  It's like sticking out.
[00:30:28]  The ball is caught in the fucking zipper.
[00:30:31]  It's an art ball, so it looks real.
[00:30:33]  So here's Chloe.
[00:30:35]  Went to the restroom and asked that little bit.
[00:30:37]  She's like really talking to, she's like being very sweet now.
[00:30:41]  Any kind of seminal fluid coming out of the genitals.
[00:30:43]  Is there any sex?
[00:30:45]  What's so cute is she's like, is there any fluid coming out?
[00:30:48]  Like she's like being real.
[00:30:49]  What color is the genital right now?
[00:30:51]  I mean, it looks a little red.
[00:30:53]  Are we talking like salmon pink?
[00:30:54]  Does it look salmon pink in colour miss?
[00:30:56]  I've never seen a white penis before.
[00:30:58]  I don't know.
[00:30:59]  I've never seen a white penis before.
[00:31:01]  So sincere.
[00:31:02]  Yeah, she was super nice to me.
[00:31:04]  Dude, that nate says she's so likable in that clip.
[00:31:07]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:31:07]  Because she's like genuinely concerned about your testimony.
[00:31:10]  Whereas I think a lot of girls would be like, I don't, buddy, yeah.
[00:31:14]  I think my wife would be like, you got that, you fucking weirdo.
[00:31:17]  You got Kaiser called Uber figured out.
[00:31:20]  100%.
[00:31:21]  She's always with the coolest Kardashians.
[00:31:22]  That's actually so sweet.
[00:31:24]  Did you talk to her after?
[00:31:25]  Like, did you have any interaction?
[00:31:27]  She say anything to you?
[00:31:28]  Good job.
[00:31:28]  Let me see the real nut.
[00:31:29]  I think they, they all kind of like shuffled off pretty fast.
[00:31:33]  Like once they're like, eh, it's punked up.
[00:31:34]  They don't really care about me.
[00:31:35]  Right.
[00:31:35]  They're just, it's her.
[00:31:36]  It's her and Miley and what's Kelly Osborne.
[00:31:40]  Yeah.
[00:31:40]  So they're all like homies and they're not going to be like, hey, do you want to come out?
[00:31:43]  But they didn't really talk to me.
[00:31:44]  Did you get to work with Miley a lot?
[00:31:45]  She's again the head of the episode.
[00:31:48]  Yeah, because everyone hosts one episode and then they have three episodes or three punks within one episode.
[00:31:55]  So I think that was the only one I worked with Molly.
[00:31:57]  But Molly's cool as shit.
[00:31:58]  Really?
[00:31:59]  So nice, dude.
[00:32:00]  Oh, it's a great deal.
[00:32:01]  So nice.
[00:32:01]  And her husband at the time, hot.
[00:32:03]  Oh, the Hemsworth.
[00:32:04]  Boy.
[00:32:05]  Hottest family in the world.
[00:32:06]  I think it might be.
[00:32:07]  She was with a Hemsworth.
[00:32:08]  She was with a Hemsworth.
[00:32:09]  I don't remember which one.
[00:32:10]  Not the Chris.
[00:32:11]  Not Chris.
[00:32:12]  No, not.
[00:32:13]  Both of them are pretty.
[00:32:14]  Yeah.
[00:32:14]  Yeah.
[00:32:15]  Who is Chris with?
[00:32:17]  Because what a lucky lady.
[00:32:18]  Somebody deserving, I hope, much like a hammer.
[00:32:21]  You're getting there quick.
[00:32:24]  What's so funny about this?
[00:32:25]  You were just how hot it was, and then you were going to show me.
[00:32:29]  Chris, you're the hottest film.
[00:32:31]  He's a piece, but you're dead.
[00:32:36]  Ah, man.
[00:32:37]  That's what we do.
[00:32:38]  That is what we do.
[00:32:39]  But I remember Blau going out to that.
[00:32:41]  And then, so I did Wilding Out.
[00:32:43]  And when I was telling him how stressed, because Wilding Out is similar stressed, you find out the night before who the guest is.
[00:32:48]  You don't know what the fucking game is going to be.
[00:32:49]  There's like a boot camp for two weeks where they just drill you to death.
[00:32:53]  And then I was telling it to Blau.
[00:32:54]  And he was like, thank God somebody finally understands what punks was like.
[00:32:57]  Because I was, we're broke as fuck.
[00:32:59]  So we're thinking, Blau's on punk.
[00:33:01]  This is crazy.
[00:33:01]  It's about to take the fuck off.
[00:33:03]  And then he was just like, yeah, it was cool, but it wasn't the most fun.
[00:33:07]  Dog, it was not.
[00:33:08]  There was moments of fun for sure, but it was just so, it was so stressful.
[00:33:13]  And it's a very, it's like operated.
[00:33:15]  I mean, I've never done SNL, so I don't really know, but it operates very much like that, where it's like, you're not guaranteed episodes.
[00:33:21]  Yeah.
[00:33:21]  So like they'll just call you or they won't.
[00:33:25]  And then, so you just, I'm just in LA for, there might be, I mean, there was a time where like two weeks straight, I didn't hear from them.
[00:33:31]  So I'm just in LA, broke as shit, supposedly on a show.
[00:33:35]  Yeah.
[00:33:36]  But I haven't done an episode in two weeks.
[00:33:39]  So it's a mind fuck.
[00:33:40]  And the funniest thing, I think I told you this, Trev, the funniest thing was we had, I had like screen tests.
[00:33:45]  So I had to come into LA and then they were doing a bunch of like improv games with me, blah, blah, blah.
[00:33:50]  And I was in the creator's office and then Ashton comes in.
[00:33:56]  Yeah.
[00:33:56]  And he opens the door and he goes, oh, so you're, you're the kid, huh?
[00:34:01]  And I was like, yeah.
[00:34:03]  And he goes, saw your audition tape, man.
[00:34:07]  Wasn't good.
[00:34:08]  God.
[00:34:09]  And then just leaves.
[00:34:12]  That was super cool.
[00:34:13]  And then just leaves.
[00:34:15]  Maybe you were 16 years old and he was like, I'm happy you wrote that fucking letter.
[00:34:22]  Was he cooler after or was it just that?
[00:34:25]  He was a little, here's the thing.
[00:34:29]  He was actually super cool and he was so honest, which I thought, which I like.
[00:34:36]  Yeah.
[00:34:36]  Like there was, we at the rap party, we talked a few times.
[00:34:39]  He was very cool, but at the rap party, and this is where the honesty comes in.
[00:34:43]  I walk up to him like, hey, man, what's up?
[00:34:44]  How are you?
[00:34:45]  And he looked at me.
[00:34:46]  He goes, do you really care?
[00:34:48]  And I go, damn.
[00:34:49]  And I go, no, not really.
[00:34:51]  He goes, okay.
[00:34:52]  I just walked away.
[00:34:54]  I know that sounds like he's an asshole, like an asshole thing to do, but for some reason, I'm like, I kind of like that.
[00:34:59]  It's very New York.
[00:35:00]  Yeah, because I, because I honestly don't care.
[00:35:02]  Where's your wife?
[00:35:07]  Oh, man.
[00:35:09]  Wow.
[00:35:09]  He's a dick.
[00:35:11]  So how did that happen?
[00:35:12]  It's kind of like Seinfeldish.
[00:35:14]  It's like, oh, you understand it, but it's still like, you didn't have to go meet this guy and be like, oh, yeah, your audition tape sucks and just like leave.
[00:35:22]  I think it was unnecessary.
[00:35:23]  I do.
[00:35:24]  I've told some people this, and they all sort of say the same thing.
[00:35:26]  Like, they were like playing, they were playing mind games.
[00:35:31]  Like, I think it was a very like mind game-y thing.
[00:35:34]  I always hate that.
[00:35:35]  Me.
[00:35:37]  And it's like, for what?
[00:35:37]  Me too.
[00:35:39]  Well, they would just be, they would tell you, it's like a two-week boot camp.
[00:35:42]  And I'm going to do top to bottom, the cast of Wild and Out always say this most talented group of people I've ever seen on my own.
[00:35:47]  But they'll be like, okay, write a song on this.
[00:35:49]  And I don't, I didn't grow up writing fucking songs, rapping, whatever.
[00:35:52]  But then they'll tell you, this determines how many episodes you get.
[00:35:55]  And then he'll, the guy would just say shit like, I guess some of y'all are going to be losing episodes.
[00:36:00]  I guess some of y'all.
[00:36:01]  And they just like hold that thing over your head for two weeks.
[00:36:03]  My confidence got worse and worse and worse.
[00:36:06]  And one thing I did, I reached out to the guy, like went to the hotel where all the wild and people were standing.
[00:36:10]  I was like, dude, like three days before we started filming, I was like, my confidence has never been lowered.
[00:36:13]  I don't know what the fuck is going on here.
[00:36:15]  And then he like coached me through that a bit.
[00:36:17]  But if I didn't take it upon myself to go, hey, man, this is a big opportunity and I know it and I need help.
[00:36:22]  It's just a constant.
[00:36:24]  Like, we don't give a fuck.
[00:36:25]  You sink or you swim.
[00:36:27]  Yeah.
[00:36:27]  And I think it's like they do that because they need you to be like a strong-minded person because they spend all this money on these on these things, on these like sketches I mean are punks.
[00:36:37]  And if you break or you fuck up, like if they, if whatever at some point, if some famous person knows that you're punking them, you just lost the company so much money.
[00:36:48]  Yeah.
[00:36:49]  So you have to like they, I think they have to kind of fuck around with you to see if you can sort of handle it.
[00:36:54]  Yeah.
[00:36:54]  You know, because I, I, I'm not going to trust some kid I just met two days ago with essentially some of these things were like really high production.
[00:37:02]  It was like $400,000, $500,000 on a production of like some wild thing.
[00:37:07]  It's like, bro, we have to know that you can, that you can like handle a heat or whatever.
[00:37:12]  Sorry, I was going to, you know, you finished the point.
[00:37:13]  I was just going to say, like, I, I would have, I would have handled it differently.
[00:37:18]  I think you can middle, like middle of the road it.
[00:37:21]  Yeah.
[00:37:22]  You know, but I mean, I don't know.
[00:37:23]  That's what it did.
[00:37:24]  And this show was, you know, stupid successful.
[00:37:27]  So they obviously know what the fuck they're doing.
[00:37:28]  Trevor, when you're doing sketches, are you bullying everybody?
[00:37:32]  I'm too much of a pussy, man.
[00:37:33]  I need to.
[00:37:34]  I'm going to go to speak up.
[00:37:35]  Like, you know, that's fine.
[00:37:35]  We'll just go with that edit.
[00:37:37]  You were right.
[00:37:38]  You have a creative vision.
[00:37:39]  It's very different, though.
[00:37:40]  But that's what I like.
[00:37:41]  I got two guys I work with on a day-to-day and it's just tight because it's just boom, boom, boom.
[00:37:45]  No, these videos are great.
[00:37:46]  There's very few straight to camera.
[00:37:47]  There's like a handful of straight to camera people that I think is funny.
[00:37:50]  One Indian kid named Sahib Singh, funny.
[00:37:52]  Yeah, no.
[00:37:53]  Your sketches are funny.
[00:37:54]  And then Ryan Davis, who I think you know, but he'll just talk to the camera.
[00:37:57]  And it's like vlog type shit, but it's so good with very few edits, which is really impressive.
[00:38:01]  People want to be talking about that a lot.
[00:38:02]  Thank you so much, man.
[00:38:03]  Because people just want to be talked to.
[00:38:05]  You notice that?
[00:38:06]  It's like, they just want to be like in there.
[00:38:08]  How do you decide what the thing is?
[00:38:10]  Because you'll have the most random shit and it'll be so funny.
[00:38:13]  Like the guy who never left his hometown is one of your biggest videos on YouTube.
[00:38:16]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:38:17]  And it's so funny.
[00:38:18]  And I guess that makes some sense, but there's some like the Kyle guys named Kyle.
[00:38:22]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:38:23]  That was timing.
[00:38:23]  That was timing.
[00:38:24]  People, the guy's named Kyle was starting to get a lot of shit, but nobody made a video on it.
[00:38:27]  So I just kind of like saw this starting to bubble.
[00:38:29]  I think every big video is trying to like a wave and it's like, if you start like Tiger King, I made a video right when that kind of hit.
[00:38:35]  And I'm not like a trend chaser too much, but same with the White Claw shit.
[00:38:38]  If you get it right before it breaks, you're the first to break it.
[00:38:41]  I mean, you.
[00:38:43]  Sorry to interrupt.
[00:38:43]  The White Claws thing for people who don't know, Trevor, and I remember you telling me about this.
[00:38:46]  I knew him.
[00:38:47]  I knew you through him for years before you met.
[00:38:49]  Correct.
[00:38:49]  But Trevor, when White Claws was popping, he made a shirt that said there are no laws.
[00:38:54]  There ain't no laws when you're drinking claws.
[00:38:55]  Ain't no laws when you're drinking claws.
[00:38:56]  It's sold crazy video that you made.
[00:38:59]  And then they sued him.
[00:39:00]  Stupid.
[00:39:01]  Cease and desist.
[00:39:01]  He had to stop selling the shirts immediately, get back all the money.
[00:39:04]  I made zero.
[00:39:04]  Yeah, they're a piece of shit.
[00:39:05]  But then apparently his profile, I heard you say on another podcast, went crazy after that.
[00:39:10]  It was like a catch-22.
[00:39:11]  I don't even know what that means, but I think it was.
[00:39:13]  It was one of those where, like, so they saw the video and then they're like, let's talk Wednesday to talk about a potential brand deal.
[00:39:19]  Right.
[00:39:19]  And I go, all right, cool.
[00:39:20]  But the video's boom right now.
[00:39:21]  I'm a fucking, I'm a business guy.
[00:39:23]  I'm like 25 at this point.
[00:39:24]  I'm just hopped up on Adderall.
[00:39:25]  I'm like, let's get these t-shirts out, right?
[00:39:26]  I had a guy alter the logo slightly, put it up on sale Monday morning, and it sold like 7,000 t-shirts in like 48 hours.
[00:39:32]  Yep, there it is.
[00:39:33]  That's probably out of fucking mall kiosk in West Palm Beach right now.
[00:39:37]  This is still everywhere.
[00:39:39]  Dude, everywhere.
[00:39:39]  People have that tattooed on them.
[00:39:40]  Yeah, I'd say I've seen at least how did you know?
[00:39:44]  And again, this is this, I spoke to Gabe asking him things about you, and he said Trevor is brilliant at knowing when a trend, like what's going to be viral.
[00:39:53]  He's really good at that.
[00:39:54]  I also think, sorry to cut you off, dude.
[00:39:55]  I also think the other piece of your genius, though, is to pick things that are so nuanced that I don't think people make videos on.
[00:40:04]  But I think you can be original still.
[00:40:06]  Yes, it's originality, but also it's like this thing where, like the how do I say this?
[00:40:11]  Like you pick a thing that like it, that seems nuanced but everyone goes, oh no, I relate to that, but it's like such a small thing but everyone still relates.
[00:40:21]  Specificity in comic is always funny, 100.
[00:40:23]  Yeah, it's always the specificity.
[00:40:24]  Specificity and comedy is always funny.
[00:40:26]  If you go like I was banging this chick at a restaurant, that's whatever.
[00:40:28]  I was banging chicken at Buffalo WILD Wings, it like the specificity.
[00:40:31]  That is so funny and your videos are very specific, exactly so, like I did, a video is about like guys who drive Subarus.
[00:40:36]  That could have just been guys who are mountain men, nature guys, but it's like it's too broad but you define it.
[00:40:41]  It's like how is this?
[00:40:42]  How is somebody gonna tag their friend in this and be like, dude, this is you or this is Deborah who drives this shit right, so it's like it's getting that angle.

=== Nuanced Video Topics (06:56) ===

[00:40:48]  The white claw one was random.
[00:40:49]  I made that an hour and a half with my friend Chad at.
[00:40:52]  I was living at home at his apartment and that was a random one and then I was literally I'm just so half my shit's written, half it's riffed and I was like, what rhymes with law?
[00:41:00]  Uh, with claws, what I'm fucking take a letter off laws.
[00:41:03]  Yeah, I just said that and that just hit and that was all the quotes in the videos, and I can always that's what I do for my videos if I'll do like a five minute video or whatever, and then what to post on the one minute, I'll just be like, what are people commenting?
[00:41:13]  Because that's that's what's the most.
[00:41:16]  Post a five minute yes, and then I let the people comment what they with.
[00:41:21]  You know, I'm crowdsourcing essentially, yeah and then I'm like, okay cool, these are the top comments, these quotes, these are clearly the funniest because people uploaded it and then I make that one minute.
[00:41:29]  But then everybody was quoting that.
[00:41:30]  So I put that t-shirt out and the shirt was like a funny just because the.
[00:41:34]  So you made a full video.
[00:41:35]  That line happened to be in it.
[00:41:36]  What was the full video about?
[00:41:37]  It was just guys who drink white claw.
[00:41:39]  It was just.
[00:41:39]  It was just one of those things, not guys who drink seltzer yeah, but they were just everywhere.
[00:41:44]  It was like my roommate uh, right before I moved back home for like a month, he was just like this, my one of my best friends Jason, he's just like a just a guy, just a golden retriever with a zen and his stuff.
[00:41:54]  But like when he, he was like my like barometer of like what is like trendy, because he'd be like so pumped on.
[00:42:00]  He'd be like, I love Spike BALL, I love Hydro Flask, I love White CLAW and i'm just like you are.
[00:42:05]  Like America is a person, so if he fucks with it, I know it's global uh, you know.
[00:42:10]  So he was like my barometer on that, so he showed me White Claws.
[00:42:13]  I just made the video, pumped it out, and then it went crazy.
[00:42:15]  And I sold those t-shirts.
[00:42:16]  Monday morning to tuesday, went crazy, literally had like a hundred thousand dollars in sales, but it was a print on demand, so so I hadn't made a doll yet, but it was racking up, racking up.
[00:42:25]  And then White CLAW reached out with their legal team and they're like, hey listen, we know that you haven't sent these to the printer yet.
[00:42:30]  So if you, you know, return this and you cancel right now, we'll talk on wednesday to talk about a potential brand deal, and then on wednesday they go.
[00:42:38]  We don't think this is going to be a good fit.
[00:42:39]  Oh, I got duped.
[00:42:41]  Wow, and the most bullshit which I don't think i've talked about a lot is, they came in.
[00:42:46]  They said, we'll return all the t-shirts but if you want we can take all.
[00:42:49]  Since you have the emails of everybody who bought a t-shirt, we can send them.
[00:42:51]  Official White CLAW merch.
[00:42:53]  Don't fucking use me as your billboard.
[00:42:55]  Yeah, and also they're gonna take those emails for marketing like throw on their own I hate them as a company.
[00:42:59]  They're terrible.
[00:42:59]  Dude, this guy I was at the airport recently and two people came up to me that worked for White Claw.
[00:43:03]  Like, can we take a selfie?
[00:43:04]  And I was like, I don't like you guys.
[00:43:05]  Did you say no?
[00:43:06]  I said, no.
[00:43:07]  I said, I do not like you guys.
[00:43:08]  I said, I do not like you guys.
[00:43:09]  Your company's, I mean, these people were younger.
[00:43:11]  So I think that they weren't around during that part of, because this was like four years ago.
[00:43:15]  Yeah.
[00:43:15]  That part of the company's history.
[00:43:16]  But I was like, you're a terrible company.
[00:43:18]  Yeah.
[00:43:19]  Like, you fucked me over, and I put you guys so far on the map.
[00:43:21]  Yeah.
[00:43:22]  And also, asking for everybody's email bothered me.
[00:43:24]  That's the case.
[00:43:25]  It was that.
[00:43:25]  It was that.
[00:43:25]  It was like, it's like, hey, we're going to take all that.
[00:43:27]  We're going to take your customers and give them just an official White Claw merch.
[00:43:30]  It's like, that's not funny.
[00:43:31]  Nobody wants to wear just a white cloth t-shirt.
[00:43:32]  They wanted to wear it because it was a joke on it.
[00:43:34]  Yeah.
[00:43:34]  And they probably wouldn't even send them shit.
[00:43:36]  They just wanted the emails.
[00:43:37]  That's where I'm grossed out by it.
[00:43:38]  But my ticket sales after that were crazy.
[00:43:40]  Until I really started selling.
[00:43:42]  Yeah.
[00:43:42]  I was doing like one nighters and then that happened.
[00:43:44]  I had my first weekend in fucking Rochester and it was sold out, Connor Carlson, whatever.
[00:43:48]  And I was like, oh, shit, that video did things.
[00:43:51]  So everybody in this audience has white claws.
[00:43:56]  Clubs will be like, dude, what is wrong with your audience?
[00:43:58]  We went through like fucking five pallets of this shit.
[00:44:01]  I'm like, cool.
[00:44:02]  Give me a cut of that too.
[00:44:03]  No.
[00:44:03]  But I will say, it's like that part sucked.
[00:44:05]  But looking at the bright side, it just brought awareness to me.
[00:44:09]  So like, at the end of the day, I'm happy with it.
[00:44:12]  But for White Club not to use you as a, as like their spokesperson is crazy dumb.
[00:44:17]  But maybe that's good at it.
[00:44:18]  I don't get it.
[00:44:18]  Yeah.
[00:44:19]  Maybe it's good because then it's like, maybe you don't want to be like just pigeonholing just that.
[00:44:23]  Yeah, no, it worked out for you, but they're dumb.
[00:44:24]  These people don't get it.
[00:44:25]  These marketing big companies are all like in like black and white, like film noir, like people drinking.
[00:44:29]  I'm like, you don't understand your audience.
[00:44:30]  Your audience like butt chugs it like an FSU tailbone.
[00:44:33]  Like this is huge.
[00:44:34]  You can't even off a skateboard.
[00:44:35]  You're like doing a fucking black and white.
[00:44:37]  Yeah.
[00:44:38]  They get worked up talking about it, but I do think overall it helped me grow so much.
[00:44:41]  So at the end of the day, if you still want to sponsor me.
[00:44:45]  Did you always have that sense or was that all deaf the day?
[00:44:49]  Because Travis, Alex, you remember All Deaf Digital, huge YouTube channel?
[00:44:52]  The only white employee they had.
[00:44:53]  I was their Jim Carrey, essentially, from like Women of Color, right?
[00:44:57]  Yeah.
[00:44:57]  Were you brought on his calendar, brought on as like an editor?
[00:44:59]  I was a social, the social media intern, and then they knew I did stand-up, but it was kind of like, all right.
[00:45:04]  And then slowly over time, it's like, all right, you can have one line of the sketch.
[00:45:07]  Yeah.
[00:45:08]  All right.
[00:45:08]  And then you have two.
[00:45:09]  Oh, oh, shit.
[00:45:09]  All right.
[00:45:09]  Let's get this guy in an unscripted thing.
[00:45:11]  Let's see how it is.
[00:45:12]  So it's like a slow progressive thing.
[00:45:13]  But then they started putting me in a bunch of things.
[00:45:15]  And then I just kind of came like a cast member, but I was on full-time salary doing the scene.
[00:45:20]  Sorry, for those of you who hadn't seen All Deaf, it's great.
[00:45:22]  If you ever go to watch Roast Name, that is.
[00:45:24]  Yeah, if you're watching from YouTube, you know, Roast Me.
[00:45:26]  Like, that is like, watching that live, like, that is hands down the funniest people I've ever seen in my life.
[00:45:31]  But yeah, so, so I got, it was like the best job I think could have had out of college because I was just working with all comedians like Doughboy, who was also wild and out at Kev on Stage to hear more of Tony Baker.
[00:45:40]  Just all like very, very funny on and off stage.
[00:45:42]  Yeah.
[00:45:43]  Because I was a fan of Kev on stage and like I saw you before I knew who you were.
[00:45:47]  Yeah.
[00:45:47]  You know, because of those.
[00:45:49]  You said, I texted Kev about you.
[00:45:50]  He said, I'm the first guy that probably took on the road.
[00:45:53]  My first road show I did, we did Tennessee State University and only white guy there for quite some time.
[00:45:59]  But he was so.
[00:46:05]  He took the moment and looked in the middle distance.
[00:46:08]  It was fucked up as we were driving to this gig and we're driving through like Kentucky and they see a Confederate flag.
[00:46:13]  They'll look at me.
[00:46:14]  I'm like, don't fucking look at me.
[00:46:15]  Those are my people.
[00:46:17]  They also stop.
[00:46:18]  I need to say, what's up?
[00:46:19]  That is my uncle.
[00:46:21]  But yeah, he's the first guy to take me on the road.
[00:46:23]  And they were doing one nighters, man.
[00:46:24]  One was in Comic Club, one was in a church.
[00:46:26]  I love those guys.
[00:46:27]  I am so thankful for that.
[00:46:28]  Do you think those guys helped you a lot with your business sense of things?
[00:46:32]  You have a very, very like clean business sense.
[00:46:36]  Yeah, I think so because I would see Kev on stage go do one nighters on a weekend, do Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and then be in the office Monday morning.
[00:46:42]  And I'm like, you fucking took a red eye from Newark and now you're still at work.
[00:46:46]  Like, and he had two kids.
[00:46:47]  And I would ask him, like, how do you do this?
[00:46:48]  He goes, I got two kids and wife.
[00:46:49]  I got to feed people.
[00:46:50]  You know, I got to keep it going.
[00:46:52]  And just seeing that work ethic and hustling.
[00:46:54]  He was still, he broke.
[00:46:54]  Kev on stage is the hardest working man I've ever met in my life.
[00:46:57]  He records videos.
[00:46:58]  He's a business genius.
[00:47:00]  Oh my God.
[00:47:00]  When we used to work at all this, he would record videos in his car, right?
[00:47:03]  Just like put it on like a magnet, and then he would just rant about whatever's going on in the news.
[00:47:06]  Like he's talking about the Jada stuff.
[00:47:08]  He would rant on it for five minutes, get in the office, cut it down to 30 seconds, it'd be up on everything before I'd be even at work.
[00:47:14]  Crazy.
[00:47:15]  And I mean, the guys just he and like seeing him in traveling in airports with him back in the day, because I only knew him from work.
[00:47:21]  We go to lunch, a few people be like, oh, Kev, Kev, in the airport.
[00:47:24]  Everyone's like, Kev on Stage.
[00:47:26]  So it was so cool to see.
[00:47:27]  And I was like, that's my mentor and everything.
[00:47:28]  Like, he is a genius.
[00:47:30]  And so I think to that point, yes, they definitely showed me like the ways.
[00:47:34]  And I remember the day I put my quit, I was like, how much money do you have saved up, Kev?
[00:47:40]  Because he was leaving too.
[00:47:41]  And he told me, he goes, how much do you have?
[00:47:42]  And I told him.
[00:47:43]  He's like, oh, bro, fucking leave.

=== Morgan's UFC Ticket Hookup (02:41) ===

[00:47:45]  What are you doing here?
[00:47:46]  Yeah, numbers.
[00:47:48]  He said that he saved up like 60K to leave.
[00:47:50]  I had 20,000 in the bank.
[00:47:51]  So I was starting to get a little bit of YouTube money.
[00:47:53]  And I was very, very, very little starting to get paid for stand-up.
[00:47:56]  I was like, I think I had like 20,000.
[00:47:58]  My overhead was 800 bucks.
[00:47:59]  I was living in Santa Monica and three bedrooms.
[00:48:01]  He's got two kids.
[00:48:01]  It's a different thing.
[00:48:03]  Bringing it back to Will and Jada, Kevin on Stage and Mrs. Kevin on Stage, who I've never met in person, but watching them, that's what I wish Will and Jada was.
[00:48:10]  We're like, their book is called Marriage Be Hard.
[00:48:12]  They met when they were both 15.
[00:48:14]  Met when they were 15, still seem very in love, but never front and act like they're perfect.
[00:48:18]  Yeah.
[00:48:20]  I miss something when they're 15.
[00:48:23]  So hot.
[00:48:26]  Morgan is hooking you up with UFC tickets if you're lucky.
[00:48:31]  Okay.
[00:48:31]  All right, guys.
[00:48:32]  We're going to take a break real quick because Morgan and Morgan might make your dreams come true if you're a UFC fan.
[00:48:37]  First of all, you already know Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm, recovered over $15 billion for their clients.
[00:48:44]  And we know submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is free and super easy.
[00:48:49]  But did you know that they are also the official injury law firm partner of the UFC?
[00:48:53]  You don't believe me?
[00:48:54]  Well, check this out.
[00:48:55]  UFC 296 coming in hotter than anything you've ever seen.
[00:48:59]  Crazy card.
[00:49:01]  Morgan and Moran has given you a chance to watch it live.
[00:49:03]  They're going to give one lucky winner two free tickets to UFC 296 to see Edwards versus Covington and $2,000.
[00:49:12]  You get tickets to an event in Vegas and you get $2,000 to gamble with.
[00:49:17]  Entering to win is easy.
[00:49:18]  Just text Flagrant to four, that's the number four, the people.
[00:49:24]  Again, that is 484-373-6753.
[00:49:28]  And when you do that, you get a chance to win $2,000 and two tickets to UFC 296 in Las Vegas.
[00:49:33]  Again, text flagrant to four the people.
[00:49:38]  Again, that's 484-373-6753.
[00:49:41]  I have to say this number since they're holding more than 100.
[00:49:43]  Oh, before you continuous United States NDC or 18 plus Sweet States Answers, number 2023.
[00:49:47]  Enter rules.
[00:49:47]  Visit Morgan at UFC296.sweep.
[00:49:50]  S-W-E-P-P-P-A.com.
[00:49:52]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:49:53]  All right, guys, and we're going to take a break real quick because I got to let you know about Vessi shoes.
[00:49:58]  Let me tell you something.
[00:49:59]  I swear to God, I have them on right now.
[00:50:01]  I had to come back the day after we recorded to do these ads and it was raining and I was walking.
[00:50:05]  So I put on my Vessi's.
[00:50:07]  They are 100% waterproof and you don't have to buy ugly ass fucking rain boots.
[00:50:12]  You still get to wear fashionable shoes and they're 100% waterproof.
[00:50:16]  If you don't believe me, check out their new sneaker called the Soho.
[00:50:18]  Fire as fuck, 100% waterproof.
[00:50:20]  You ever seen a shoe that looks cool and is waterproof?
[00:50:23]  Probably not.
[00:50:24]  Probably not.

=== Waterproof Vessi Shoes (15:01) ===

[00:50:26]  These do it.
[00:50:27]  Vessi, Soho.
[00:50:29]  If you don't want to wear clunky ass rain boots, wear your Vessi's.
[00:50:32]  They are truly super comfortable.
[00:50:34]  I walk like three miles in them just now.
[00:50:36]  You know what else is great?
[00:50:37]  If they get dirty, mine are a little dirty.
[00:50:39]  They're in the rain.
[00:50:39]  You know what I'm gonna do tonight?
[00:50:40]  Throw them in the washer.
[00:50:41]  All right, think about it.
[00:50:42]  Come out 100% clean and spotless.
[00:50:44]  So if you're like me and you want to be ready for anything, rain or shine, head to bessie.com slash flagrant and get yourself a pair today.
[00:50:52]  And if you use the code flagrant, you will get 15% off your entire purchase.
[00:50:55]  And you get free shipping to Canada, the U.S., Australia, Japan, Taiwan, Korea, and Singapore.
[00:51:02]  Let's get back to the show.
[00:51:03]  Do you guys want to drink?
[00:51:04]  Oh, this is another thing.
[00:51:05]  Blau, I never did shit when we were homies.
[00:51:08]  Oh, yeah.
[00:51:09]  Can we talk about this?
[00:51:10]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:51:11]  Rogan got me high for the first time.
[00:51:12]  Great first time as well.
[00:51:14]  Ever high, ever.
[00:51:14]  I took a Delta for the time and it wasn't like I was fully high.
[00:51:17]  But then with Rogan.
[00:51:18]  I was like, I've already done Delta 8, so let's just smoke weed.
[00:51:21]  And when he gave me a little pressure, I was like, yeah, I'm not that opposed to it.
[00:51:24]  And I think my main fear was always I don't trust my work ethic if I start getting high all the time, especially.
[00:51:30]  But now I'm like, I know I'm going to bust my ass.
[00:51:31]  So I can get high every once in a while.
[00:51:33]  I still don't drink.
[00:51:34]  But if you wanted, Drunk Blau is the best, dude.
[00:51:38]  Can I tell you a story about Drunk Blau?
[00:51:39]  We got drunk after a show he did in his hometown.
[00:51:43]  I forgot about this.
[00:51:44]  And then afterward, Blau gets drunk.
[00:51:46]  He's celebrating.
[00:51:46]  It was me, Schultz, and Blau.
[00:51:47]  And Blau headline had a fucking ball, whatever.
[00:51:50]  Great show, great audience.
[00:51:51]  And then Blau gets drunk.
[00:51:53]  And then we go to like some random fuck diner.
[00:51:55]  And then Blau's drunk and he keeps standing up from the diner table and going, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement.
[00:52:03]  Who is trying to get fingered?
[00:52:06]  What cities is this in DC?
[00:52:08]  That's a normal night in DC.
[00:52:10]  That's the best part.
[00:52:11]  There's a diner.
[00:52:13]  Let's say 100 people.
[00:52:14]  I stand up and I make them all shut up.
[00:52:17]  It's two in the morning.
[00:52:18]  I go, guys, guys, please, please, everyone, please.
[00:52:20]  I have announced.
[00:52:21]  Can you please stop just real quick?
[00:52:23]  Would you have the glass in the night?
[00:52:24]  No, no, no, but essentially.
[00:52:27]  And I was like, who's trying to get fingered?
[00:52:29]  And I did it like twice.
[00:52:31]  Yeah, no, he did it three or four times.
[00:52:33]  Oh, and then one guy tried to fight.
[00:52:36]  Because he just got...
[00:52:37]  Guys get jealous when they like go out and shit and this guy's getting attention.
[00:52:40]  So he, it's so funny because he was such a bitch about it.
[00:52:43]  He was talking shit to Blau and me and another comic who was little.
[00:52:46]  And then Andrew's there.
[00:52:48]  And then Blau's friend, who's a big country, strong motherfucker, were there.
[00:52:51]  And he was like, no, you two are cool, but these three I got.
[00:52:54]  I didn't say shit the whole time.
[00:52:55]  I'm looking the other way.
[00:52:56]  But then Blau stands up and he's like, yo, bro, you are so fucking ugly.
[00:53:03]  Blau's go-to to talk shit to a guy is you're, so I wouldn't even finger you, dude.
[00:53:11]  We almost fought.
[00:53:12]  We used to get in almost fights all the time and that one was the first one where I was like this boy drunk, is wild.
[00:53:16]  Oh fuck, I forgot about you're so fucking ugly, like it is fun, you're.
[00:53:21]  So that doesn't make him pissed off so much.
[00:53:26]  But he also Blau's homie.
[00:53:28]  You could tell he like loved fight.
[00:53:29]  He was like, oh yeah, I don't want to fight, but if we do I'm gonna enjoy beating the fuck up.
[00:53:34]  Perfect calm, because you would talk shit and you defend and I could tell this is like a college dynamic of Blau's way to learn to walk around with the cap with a fucking giant.
[00:53:47]  This dude.
[00:53:47]  And Matt McCormick, it's my homie, I fucking love him.
[00:53:50]  So I had, I had two, I had three like your agent funny, that's probably where I got the name.
[00:53:55]  Yeah, this dude um, but in college dude, I was the same thing.
[00:53:59]  I'll talk hella shit, but I had like three big friends who love to fight.
[00:54:03]  There's this one story where we got we all got in a fight, and when I say all mean them.
[00:54:09]  I was always a dude that waited and then kicked motherfuckers in the head, like when I was you know yeah yeah bye, and I'll just.
[00:54:14]  I'll be that guy.
[00:54:15]  NFL, blitz him 100.
[00:54:17]  And we were.
[00:54:18]  We were all getting in front of this bar and we all got fucking pepper sprayed from security dude, have you guys ever been pepper sprayed in the face dude?
[00:54:28]  We were literally.
[00:54:29]  We were literally spitting on each other's faces.
[00:54:33]  You quite like that though, and I came and I remember we were spitting To get anything out, and we were one of my buddies, Argo.
[00:54:43]  I love him so much.
[00:54:44]  He literally was taking the spit and going like this, and he couldn't get it.
[00:54:47]  He was like, Bo, he's so country.
[00:54:49]  What the fuck?
[00:54:50]  I can't believe you motherfucking pussy.
[00:54:52]  He's with other with his friend's spit, and then he just takes his head and starts to run it on the cement, dog.
[00:54:59]  He's making he's drunk as shit.
[00:55:00]  He's pepper-sprayed drunk with my spit in his face, rubbing his face on the asshole, literally cutting his face because he's hilarious, but he's trying to do anything to get it out.
[00:55:11]  Look at these idiots, dude.
[00:55:13]  A bunch of cockroaches with raid on dude.
[00:55:17]  That's so funny.
[00:55:18]  It hurt so bad.
[00:55:20]  But that was when the guy was like ready to fight that kid, McCormick Christmas.
[00:55:23]  Wasn't it Matt?
[00:55:24]  Matt stood up and he was like, Hey, man, I don't think we need to do this.
[00:55:26]  And then the guys backed off so hard.
[00:55:28]  They just wanted to pick on people that thought they could beat up.
[00:55:30]  And the second there was a guy that could clearly kick the shit out of them.
[00:55:32]  They're like, No, it's all good.
[00:55:33]  But it was so funny to see drunk blout.
[00:55:35]  I love drunk blout.
[00:55:37]  He's my favorite person.
[00:55:38]  Drunk bows.
[00:55:39]  I feel like you and me would have gotten along together really well.
[00:55:42]  Because I got punched in the face by a bouncer because I was the same guy.
[00:55:44]  I'd be mouthy, right?
[00:55:45]  One guy bounced.
[00:55:46]  It was vine days.
[00:55:46]  This guy goes, Hey, can I talk to you outside?
[00:55:48]  I go, Oh, you've seen the videos.
[00:55:52]  Oh, you don't, you want to be low-key.
[00:55:53]  You want to take a photo?
[00:55:55]  Hey, respect, bro.
[00:55:56]  Keep it low-key.
[00:55:57]  Keep it low-key.
[00:55:57]  Meanwhile, I'm fucking off four Cosmos.
[00:55:59]  My eyes are looking like the new Twitter logo.
[00:56:01]  I'm just over here.
[00:56:02]  He pulled me outside.
[00:56:03]  New Twitter logo is good.
[00:56:05]  And then, thank you so much.
[00:56:06]  And then, so he like, uh, he like puts me outside and he goes to clamp, like, slam the door, and I grab the door and then he flinches.
[00:56:11]  And I go, What?
[00:56:12]  This dude is like an old San Jose State like linebacker.
[00:56:15]  That's why I went to school.
[00:56:16]  Like, massive dude.
[00:56:17]  He goes, What?
[00:56:18]  I said, What?
[00:56:19]  He flinches.
[00:56:20]  And then he just clocks me right in the eye.
[00:56:23]  And I'm just bleeding.
[00:56:24]  Just and I'm walking home.
[00:56:25]  And then it gets real white.
[00:56:27]  I call the bar.
[00:56:28]  Nobody answers.
[00:56:29]  And I left probably the longest voicemail in the history.
[00:56:33]  No, you didn't know this.
[00:56:34]  I don't know the longest voicemail.
[00:56:36]  I'm walking home like, you know, fucking, I'm a film major.
[00:56:40]  I'm just going full.
[00:56:41]  Have you seen fucking folks?
[00:56:42]  I don't need a 23andMe.
[00:56:43]  That is, I'm 100% white.
[00:56:45]  I'm just doing that.
[00:56:45]  You see, Vonnie.
[00:56:47]  But thank God that bar closed because if they were still open, I'm sure somehow they could get in their like their source and see if they still have that.
[00:56:54]  But the next day, I was like, oh, I deserve that.
[00:56:56]  I deserve that.
[00:56:57]  I didn't, I know the story, but I didn't hear the voicemail part.
[00:57:00]  And it was like a 10-minute walk home.
[00:57:01]  So I was just yapping.
[00:57:03]  Do you know what you said leading up to the punch in the face?
[00:57:07]  Like, what got him upset?
[00:57:09]  So he got the door, and then I just said what?
[00:57:11]  And I think what I mean before when he's like, yo, let's go outside.
[00:57:14]  So why'd you run it?
[00:57:15]  I think I was just probably like, why?
[00:57:16]  Why, why?
[00:57:16]  No, I'm good.
[00:57:17]  I'm good.
[00:57:17]  I'm not drunk.
[00:57:17]  Why did you want it?
[00:57:18]  Oh, you're just too drunk.
[00:57:19]  And that's why he's like, he just saw me like being.
[00:57:20]  So he's just trying to get you a video.
[00:57:21]  He's not trying to kick off the face.
[00:57:22]  I mean, I was trying to kick those out and I was paying on the floor, but I don't know what I was doing.
[00:57:25]  I don't know.
[00:57:25]  I think in my head, I didn't think I was that drunk.
[00:57:27]  That's what I was like, why?
[00:57:28]  Why are we going to side?
[00:57:29]  Why are we going to side?
[00:57:29]  But he's kind of just like bulldozing me a little bit into a corner.
[00:57:32]  And then the door happened.
[00:57:35]  Have you been punched in the face?
[00:57:36]  Oh, gosh.
[00:57:36]  No, shockingly.
[00:57:38]  Really?
[00:57:38]  Shockingly not.
[00:57:39]  No.
[00:57:39]  Wow.
[00:57:40]  Have you?
[00:57:40]  Of course.
[00:57:41]  Yeah, there you go.
[00:57:42]  For what?
[00:57:44]  A random Tuesday.
[00:57:46]  I used to fight a lot when I was younger.
[00:57:48]  Why?
[00:57:48]  Well, not a lot.
[00:57:49]  11 fights.
[00:57:50]  That's 11.
[00:57:51]  11 fights?
[00:57:52]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:57:53]  That's a lot.
[00:57:54]  Oh, I didn't know.
[00:57:54]  For what?
[00:57:55]  Just like I grew up in not the best neighborhood.
[00:57:58]  Just that type of stupid shit.
[00:57:59]  Okay.
[00:58:00]  Yeah.
[00:58:00]  Damn.
[00:58:01]  All right.
[00:58:01]  Seven and four.
[00:58:02]  Yeah.
[00:58:03]  Yeah.
[00:58:03]  I was winning.
[00:58:04]  Seven and four.
[00:58:04]  That's great.
[00:58:05]  Yeah.
[00:58:05]  No dad?
[00:58:07]  Yeah.
[00:58:09]  Halfway.
[00:58:11]  I don't have a dad either.
[00:58:13]  Good time.
[00:58:14]  Oh, yeah.
[00:58:15]  No, I had to say Jesus Christ.
[00:58:16]  Yeah, no.
[00:58:18]  Yeah, that sounded wild.
[00:58:19]  No, that's why I said it too.
[00:58:20]  I was a random dad.
[00:58:23]  You're about to get a 12-fight out of it right now.
[00:58:25]  Why am I dad with you?
[00:58:28]  Circumcised?
[00:58:29]  Circumcised?
[00:58:29]  Yeah.
[00:58:30]  Oh, okay.
[00:58:31]  Oh, yeah.
[00:58:33]  You see?
[00:58:34]  I said he was Jewish, dog.
[00:58:35]  Come on, now circumcised.
[00:58:36]  It makes you feel good.
[00:58:38]  Yeah, of course.
[00:58:38]  Good.
[00:58:39]  Oh, you guys don't know Bob bombing.
[00:58:41]  First of all, Blau to this day, we all don't take bombing well, but Blau really gets affected.
[00:58:45]  And then he, it's the biggest act outs if you watch his show.
[00:58:48]  It's so huge acts.
[00:58:50]  So back when we would all bomb, I'd bomb the most.
[00:58:53]  It was just huge laughter.
[00:58:54]  So I have to say, you would get huge laughter.
[00:58:55]  I bombed the most.
[00:58:56]  It's not even close.
[00:58:57]  Bombing and knowing an act out is coming up.
[00:58:59]  I was not funny.
[00:59:00]  I was so not funny.
[00:59:01]  So I'm not acting like, but when Blau would bomb, it would be the funniest thing because it'd be the biggest fucking act outs and there would be no laugh.
[00:59:09]  And then you would know he's melting down inside.
[00:59:11]  And he had this dragon act on his system.
[00:59:15]  Oh, no.
[00:59:16]  And then you would hit.
[00:59:19]  But the couple times it bombed, it was the funniest fucking thing.
[00:59:22]  Oh, dude, didn't you guys have a bad thing?
[00:59:25]  Okay, this is okay.
[00:59:26]  This is maybe the meanest thing I've done, but this is crazy.
[00:59:29]  So funny.
[00:59:29]  Stand-up New York comedy club in New York on the Upper West Side.
[00:59:32]  I used to be there a lot.
[00:59:33]  They started a content house called Stand Up Labs.
[00:59:36]  They came to me and they were like, hey, do you want to do something?
[00:59:39]  I was like, sure.
[00:59:39]  I'm broke.
[00:59:40]  Who gives a fuck?
[00:59:41]  And they were like, prank shows do really well.
[00:59:44]  And I was like, I'm not that interested in doing like, you prank four different people, blah, blah, blah.
[00:59:48]  And then they're kind of like, we think it could do well.
[00:59:49]  So I'm like, you know, it could be funny.
[00:59:51]  If instead of pranking like four people in an episode, you just prank one guy like four times and just make him think his life is falling apart.
[00:59:59]  Okay.
[00:59:59]  And then they're like, do you have somebody you'd like to do that to?
[01:00:02]  And I was like, I happen to.
[01:00:04]  Now we didn't get to finish because the first prank was so devastating and someone blew it.
[01:00:09]  But thank God that someone blew our cover.
[01:00:10]  But thank God.
[01:00:11]  Because the first prank was so devastating that if we had carried through Buddha, I might have really killed himself.
[01:00:17]  Who cared, too, if I didn't find out at the end of that set that it was a prank?
[01:00:21]  I would have got on the A-tran and killed him.
[01:00:25]  You would have waited for this shit to hit.
[01:00:27]  You don't know that.
[01:00:27]  The prank was, I think I told you.
[01:00:29]  Blau wasn't in a stand-up New York at the time.
[01:00:31]  And again, getting past that clubs, especially back then, was a huge deal.
[01:00:34]  So I did say, you guys need to pass Blau.
[01:00:37]  We'll prank him and then you can pass him after.
[01:00:39]  But the prank was call him in for an audition and I'm going to tell the audience.
[01:00:44]  And we have it on tape.
[01:00:45]  I say, guys.
[01:00:45]  You have it today?
[01:00:46]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:00:47]  Yeah.
[01:00:47]  Oh, yeah.
[01:00:47]  We have it.
[01:00:48]  Yeah, we have it.
[01:00:48]  No, you don't.
[01:00:49]  Yeah, we have it.
[01:00:49]  We have it.
[01:00:50]  Look at this.
[01:00:51]  We have it.
[01:00:51]  We have it.
[01:00:52]  No, I think I don't know.
[01:00:56]  No, here's why.
[01:00:57]  We never showed it.
[01:00:58]  We never showed it.
[01:00:59]  I talked to Gabe about this.
[01:01:00]  Yo, you're going to be able to do it.
[01:01:00]  We ran this by Gabe.
[01:01:01]  And he was like, no, it's fine.
[01:01:03]  We never showed this because Blau.
[01:01:04]  Put his two days under and then show every 30 second show clip and crush it.
[01:01:07]  Here's the thing.
[01:01:08]  We didn't play it before because Blau was, it was like, dude, if people's first exposure to Blau is him not doing well, it might subconsciously plant the idea that he's not funny.
[01:01:17]  Now Blau has so many fucking millions of views that this clip is, and it's also, dude, 12 years ago, look at my face.
[01:01:25]  I look young, but like I'm a baby in there.
[01:01:28]  What is going on?
[01:01:29]  So they're putting up a GoPro on stage.
[01:01:32]  So I tell the audience.
[01:01:33]  And Blau, I know for a fact, which is what's more fucked up.
[01:01:36]  I know for a fact this black, like you can tell when it's a Blau audience, you can just feel it.
[01:01:40]  I'm hosting.
[01:01:41]  And I'm like, Blau would fucking crush.
[01:01:42]  He would level the room.
[01:01:44]  And so I have to, like, I was like, I need to really tell them, like, make sure they know.
[01:01:50]  Like three times, I was like, guys, again, I told him when he comes up here, do not react at all.
[01:01:54]  What is a Blau audience look like?
[01:01:56]  They're just, you can tell when they like bigger act outs a little bit, when they like little things like that.
[01:02:01]  You can just feel they're like a little, they don't like.
[01:02:04]  Yeah, they like like performative shit.
[01:02:05]  Like it's an LA crowd.
[01:02:07]  They want bigger, they want bigger performance.
[01:02:08]  And I could feel that from them.
[01:02:10]  And they weren't like, they didn't love the super dark, like whatever.
[01:02:13]  So I was like, Blau would level the room.
[01:02:14]  So I was like, guys, I'm going to call him.
[01:02:16]  This is a good friend of mine, but just do not laugh at anything he says.
[01:02:19]  Don't boo.
[01:02:20]  Don't heckle.
[01:02:21]  Just stay silent.
[01:02:23]  You're limitless.
[01:02:24]  Dude, I feel bad.
[01:02:25]  I'm in an action.
[01:02:26]  I feel bad about it because I owe you an apology.
[01:02:29]  This is the meanest thing I've ever done.
[01:02:31]  And let me say this too.
[01:02:32]  When I was waiting the wings, and just to hype this up before we see it, like when you said it before, but I was not past his club.
[01:02:39]  So for a booker to call me in, this is a big deal.
[01:02:42]  Also, the booker is in the room.
[01:02:44]  So I can't even go off script to be like, what the fuck is wrong?
[01:02:47]  That's also true.
[01:02:48]  I can't do crowd work.
[01:02:49]  I can't do anything.
[01:02:50]  He wanted to see a set.
[01:02:52]  So I'm not going off script.
[01:02:54]  And another thing, too, is I walk in, I ask Benji, who's the book at the time, I go, how are they?
[01:03:00]  He goes, unbelievable.
[01:03:01]  And then, and what's insane too is, what's insane is I poke my head in and Akash is murdering.
[01:03:11]  So I'm like, oh, thank God, man.
[01:03:13]  And if right back then, if I'm murdering, back then, if I'm murdering, he got it.
[01:03:17]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:03:18]  So I'm like, I'm like, oh, this is, this is great.
[01:03:21]  And I just came from another condo club where I did, I murdered.
[01:03:27]  I was like, I was feeling so good.
[01:03:28]  I was like, oh, running, flight him, bring me up.
[01:03:33]  And this is before we started posting clips online.
[01:03:35]  This is like, again, like 2012 or whatever.
[01:03:37]  This is before Schultz changed it all.
[01:03:39]  So the only thing a booker wants to see is five minutes of jokes.
[01:03:41]  And coming from the lantern, we're used to, we can handle cold audiences.
[01:03:45]  I go in on you a bit.
[01:03:46]  I get out of there.
[01:03:46]  But you got five minutes and he needs to see jokes.
[01:03:49]  And you can't joke.
[01:03:50]  So I'm aware of what we're doing.
[01:03:51]  One thing I will say, I did, I was like, you have to pass him after this for real.
[01:03:55]  You can't not pass him after this.
[01:03:56]  So I was looking out for you a little bit, but I'm still a terrible person.
[01:03:59]  And I apologize.
[01:04:00]  I was a camera guy because I was poor and unfunny.
[01:04:02]  But this is the prank.
[01:04:03]  Oh, I got to see this.
[01:04:04]  Yeah.
[01:04:05]  But he sells tickets now.
[01:04:06]  Two Wilbur's next week.
[01:04:08]  Blau outsells me.
[01:04:09]  He's doing the Wilbur twice.
[01:04:10]  He's so fucking funny.
[01:04:11]  He's my brother.
[01:04:12]  He's so funny.
[01:04:13]  Look up any clip before, if you want to watch his clip, go look up other Blau comedy clips on Blau Comedy.
[01:04:18]  Yeah.
[01:04:18]  So you know he's funny.
[01:04:19]  Hell yeah.
[01:04:19]  And then after this, we'll decide if we're going to leave it in.
[01:04:25]  I am so fucking nervous.
[01:04:27]  I've never seen it.
[01:04:28]  It's so good.
[01:04:29]  How did you find me?
[01:04:30]  I've had it, dude.
[01:04:32]  Really?
[01:04:32]  I've fucked it sometimes when I feel like it's not.
[01:04:37]  They're pulling shit up on QuickTime.
[01:04:39]  This is an old ass video, bro.
[01:04:41]  Wow.
[01:04:41]  Here's an old clip.
[01:04:42]  Shit, what's up, motherfuckers?
[01:04:45]  Good start.
[01:04:47]  Everyone's good?
[01:04:48]  Everyone's feeling good?
[01:04:50]  Cool, fuck.
[01:04:50]  I'm feeling good, man.
[01:04:51]  Happy Files Day and shit.
[01:04:54]  I was hanging out with my little nephew today.
[01:04:56]  He's super cute.
[01:04:57]  He's seven years old.
[01:04:58]  And he looked at me and he's like, bro, Uncle Michael.
[01:05:01]  I can't wait.
[01:05:03]  It's the cutest thing ever.
[01:05:03]  He was like, King of me now.
[01:05:06]  And I was like, I'm not that type of uncle.
[01:05:09]  Not uncomfortable.
[01:05:11]  Recently, and I lived in Harlem.
[01:05:14]  So that's never fucking good, right?
[01:05:17]  And I got to fight.
[01:05:19]  Look, I got to fight by accident, right?
[01:05:20]  I was just walking down the street, minding my business, playing Anchor Birds, like a fucking gangster.
[01:05:25]  And some dude, like, kind of hit my shoulder.

=== Fighting by Accident in Harlem (14:59) ===

[01:05:28]  Oh, God.
[01:05:28]  And he freaked out at me.
[01:05:31]  He was like, oh, shit.
[01:05:33]  You trying to fight?
[01:05:36]  Oh, you trying to fight?
[01:05:38]  Oh, shit.
[01:05:39]  I'm from Harlem, motherfucker.
[01:05:41]  I'm from Brooklyn, bitch.
[01:05:42]  I'm from Stand Up, New York, motherfucker.
[01:05:45]  Nothing about me.
[01:05:47]  What the fuck happened?
[01:05:50]  Yo, Puzzy.
[01:05:50]  Pause it, please, Pause, if we can.
[01:05:52]  Pause it.
[01:05:53]  Yo, this is getting fan.
[01:05:55]  This is so fast.
[01:05:58]  I wouldn't have been able to keep that much energy.
[01:05:59]  So props to you.
[01:06:00]  I would have bailed the whole thing.
[01:06:01]  You know, the funniest part of that because we've all played you.
[01:06:04]  Comics, we've been bombing, and you try to bring the audience in more.
[01:06:08]  So when he's like, I'm from Harlem, he's naming, and then you can tell he's bombing.
[01:06:11]  So he's like, let me personalize it.
[01:06:13]  I'm from Standup, New York, motherfucker.
[01:06:17]  What?
[01:06:17]  What?
[01:06:19]  Oh, my God.
[01:06:20]  Dude, because that is everywhere.
[01:06:22]  Oh, night, this dude.
[01:06:24]  The worst thing I've ever done, but it's so funny.
[01:06:27]  I just want to have everyone remember that Akash was like all these shout out to you, Aka.
[01:06:32]  This is so good.
[01:06:34]  We couldn't put it out, dude.
[01:06:35]  I had to sit on this for like 10 years because you got to get to a level and you're there and I mean this.
[01:06:40]  You're there.
[01:06:41]  So I'm like, now he's famous and successful and clearly validated enough that I can put it out and we can just laugh at it.
[01:06:47]  But I was like, we can't put this out because it's just.
[01:06:52]  You want to keep watching?
[01:06:53]  You're like reliving it.
[01:06:55]  Hey, hey, there's no more if you want to keep it.
[01:06:57]  I'm going to have to comment alone.
[01:06:59]  I think we're good.
[01:07:00]  Let me get it.
[01:07:00]  No, I'm going to get out.
[01:07:03]  I used to bartend at a club, man.
[01:07:05]  Oh, no.
[01:07:06]  What I realized is the club is so loud that you guys come to the bar and you feel like you need to act out the drinks.
[01:07:14]  Oh, fuck.
[01:07:15]  And then tell the bartender.
[01:07:17]  You want two?
[01:07:20]  You want two?
[01:07:22]  Let me get two sex on the beaches.
[01:07:25]  Not a bad bit.
[01:07:27]  This is fucking awesome.
[01:07:29]  Dude, crazy.
[01:07:30]  Dude.
[01:07:31]  I do this for a fucking living and you guys were hot as shit.
[01:07:34]  Yeah.
[01:07:35]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:07:36]  What did I do to you guys?
[01:07:38]  Is everything fine?
[01:07:39]  What?
[01:07:40]  Like, is everything, everything's fine?
[01:07:41]  I'm actually 320 comedians before me.
[01:07:44]  It's so critical.
[01:07:45]  I love it.
[01:07:47]  It makes me feel so good.
[01:07:50]  I'm feeling hot and bothering.
[01:07:51]  I'm like, oh my God.
[01:07:52]  Me too.
[01:07:53]  And the fact he's getting a laugh out of them at all is truly impressive.
[01:07:58]  Because they've been directed not to laugh and they can't help it, but now we got to finish.
[01:08:01]  No, you guys are good, man.
[01:08:03]  This is what it's about, man.
[01:08:04]  You get good shows.
[01:08:05]  You get bad shows.
[01:08:07]  Lock the doors.
[01:08:08]  We're going to fucking light this bitch on fire.
[01:08:10]  That's hilarious.
[01:08:11]  That's hilarious.
[01:08:13]  Damn, I keep forgetting that.
[01:08:14]  Scattered giggles.
[01:08:17]  Guys, you guys met some people in the room.
[01:08:20]  I appreciate you guys being here.
[01:08:21]  Please come back.
[01:08:21]  You guys are really cool.
[01:08:22]  Thank you.
[01:08:22]  My name is Michael Bosman.
[01:08:23]  Have a good night.
[01:08:25]  He handles it so well.
[01:08:26]  You didn't even want to save him at the end of the set and be like, this is.
[01:08:29]  I'm trying to figure out, like, because the plan was to not tell him.
[01:08:32]  The plan was to have more.
[01:08:33]  No, in like a week, there would be more pranks.
[01:08:36]  Because as it's happening, I'm watching being like, oh, this is even in theory, it's so funny.
[01:08:41]  But as I'm watching it, I swear to God, I was like, oh, this is even more painful than I thought it would be.
[01:08:46]  This is, I don't know if I had reached out fucked up yet, but I'm thinking, did I fuck up?
[01:08:49]  I'm like, is this like so fucking mean?
[01:08:52]  And then the plan is three more after this.
[01:08:54]  And I'm kind of like, and it's a five-minute audition, so I'm having, I'm trying to figure all this out in five minutes.
[01:08:58]  Dude, that'll make it a little bit more.
[01:08:58]  And then I gotta go up after Maryland.
[01:09:00]  That's crazy.
[01:09:00]  Yeah, I gotta go up afterward and be like, we would have told him Max one week later, but I've got to go.
[01:09:05]  A week?
[01:09:06]  Yeah, Max.
[01:09:07]  It's a one-week prank show.
[01:09:10]  The show is a show.
[01:09:11]  He pledged himself after that.
[01:09:14]  I know you think it's really bad.
[01:09:16]  I think you handled it like anybody would.
[01:09:17]  I was expecting way worse.
[01:09:19]  It really wasn't bad.
[01:09:22]  I think anybody would do it right now.
[01:09:23]  Like, what's happening?
[01:09:24]  These are tried and true jokes.
[01:09:26]  He went home and jerked off like 50 times.
[01:09:30]  Oh, yeah.
[01:09:31]  Hey, he's like, what's going on?
[01:09:33]  I just talked to the L20 the next day.
[01:09:36]  Oh, it's so funny, though.
[01:09:38]  It's so funny.
[01:09:39]  This is the best fucking sketch show.
[01:09:43]  You did exactly what it though.
[01:09:44]  This would be the best.
[01:09:46]  Tomorrow.
[01:09:47]  This is fine.
[01:09:48]  It's so mean, but it's so fucking good.
[01:09:51]  Dude, the interesting thing is, is I haven't obviously ever seen this.
[01:09:55]  And this is bad, but this is actually not as bad as I thought.
[01:09:58]  It's not as bad as I can.
[01:09:59]  It's not as bad as it is.
[01:10:00]  I thought it was going to be.
[01:10:03]  I'm telling you, dude, I would have for sure lost it on this.
[01:10:05]  Because I think you addressed the awkwardness.
[01:10:07]  Had you just kept doing five minutes of bids, then it would have felt worse.
[01:10:10]  But I think you're like, what's happening?
[01:10:11]  What's going on?
[01:10:13]  I still got laughs, even though they're trying not to laugh.
[01:10:15]  That is impressive.
[01:10:16]  It's also crazy that you can just do that to any crowd.
[01:10:18]  Anybody in the microphone.
[01:10:20]  Hey, guys, we're doing a prank.
[01:10:21]  You can do that to anybody, any given time.
[01:10:23]  Yeah.
[01:10:23]  If you want to just fuck with the hell.
[01:10:24]  Hey, you guys, just fuck with them.
[01:10:25]  Boom.
[01:10:26]  Yeah.
[01:10:26]  Anybody, but you know what was interesting is like after I found out I'm gonna be organically bombing.
[01:10:32]  I'll be like, this is set up.
[01:10:35]  Who told y'all?
[01:10:37]  I was first on the show.
[01:10:40]  I was first on the show.
[01:10:41]  What did the ticket say?
[01:10:42]  I told you the door.
[01:10:44]  Man.
[01:10:44]  Yeah, dude.
[01:10:45]  But the crazy part is, is after I, they even told me I was on the train home.
[01:10:51]  You can't show it.
[01:10:52]  And I was still, I know, I was still being like, I'm still internally feeling as though I just bombed in front of a booker.
[01:11:00]  Yeah.
[01:11:00]  You know what I mean?
[01:11:01]  I couldn't, even though I wasn't, I knew it wasn't real.
[01:11:03]  I still couldn't shit like shit.
[01:11:05]  Absolutely.
[01:11:06]  Fuck.
[01:11:07]  And then I jerked off.
[01:11:09]  Sure.
[01:11:11]  How mad were you at him after that?
[01:11:14]  Dude, I was so emotional.
[01:11:16]  I don't remember ever.
[01:11:17]  I don't think I was mad at you.
[01:11:18]  And we never did anything like that, but we would just fuck with each other like all the time.
[01:11:23]  And again, we were fucking, this is fun, but also you're broke, you're angry, whatever.
[01:11:26]  Like if you were eating a dessert, we just knock it out of your hands.
[01:11:28]  Like we just bullied each other with little pranks like that.
[01:11:30]  You tell me that if you guys were recording and sat in the back and somewhere's bombing, you'd pop your head up in the camcorder back.
[01:11:34]  You're bombing right now.
[01:11:35]  Yeah, we used to fuck with each other.
[01:11:37]  So again, it didn't see, it seemed like we're definitely taking it up two notches, but it was like, we all kind of fuck with each other.
[01:11:43]  So I think it was like, all right, well, you fuck with me.
[01:11:45]  And then after we talked, and I was like, I don't think we're going to, we can't, probably can't put that out because I'm watching it being like, oh, this is worse than I thought it would be.
[01:11:53]  So I we had to just sit on.
[01:11:54]  And dude, I had, I almost deleted.
[01:11:56]  I got a new laptop and I just, for whatever reason, I forgot I had that.
[01:11:59]  And I was like, I didn't delete my files.
[01:12:00]  And then I what is that file saved as fuck you blow?
[01:12:05]  It was gonna be called the mark, I think, was the name of the show.
[01:12:07]  And it was basically like punked, but for YouTube meaner.
[01:12:11]  And you had been on punk, so it all worked.
[01:12:13]  Oh, you being the first guy was actually like so perfect because you handled bombs at worst.
[01:12:17]  You were on a prank show.
[01:12:19]  It's like a thing.
[01:12:20]  You're funny for real.
[01:12:21]  So it was like, dude.
[01:12:23]  Yeah.
[01:12:24]  That's so good.
[01:12:25]  I didn't know you still had it.
[01:12:26]  I didn't either.
[01:12:27]  But when we had you on, I was like, oh, do I still have this?
[01:12:30]  And I did.
[01:12:31]  I thought you were fucking around.
[01:12:32]  I didn't think you had it.
[01:12:33]  I have it.
[01:12:33]  Wow.
[01:12:34]  I have it.
[01:12:34]  That was crazy.
[01:12:38]  You have a drink?
[01:12:40]  Let's get a drink.
[01:12:41]  Maybe, you know, we get a little take a little break, go pee, go do whatever you got to do.
[01:12:45]  Come back.
[01:12:45]  Blah, can settle his thoughts.
[01:12:47]  We'll get fucked up together.
[01:12:48]  Wow.
[01:12:48]  Dude, just when you, I was, I was literally reliving it.
[01:12:52]  Bro, I saw his first reaction.
[01:12:54]  No, no, we're not playing it.
[01:12:55]  We're not playing.
[01:12:56]  Yeah.
[01:12:57]  I get it.
[01:12:58]  Oh, my God.
[01:12:59]  You have to zoom in on my face when I realize you actually have it.
[01:13:02]  Because my face is like, it's not, it's not, it's a very honest, like, oh, fuck, what's going on?
[01:13:08]  I said 12 years ago.
[01:13:08]  Dude, like 10, 12 years.
[01:13:09]  Like, it's a long time.
[01:13:10]  It's before Andrew had guy code.
[01:13:12]  It's before all of that.
[01:13:13]  So for 12 years, you've been buying shirts that don't fit you.
[01:13:16]  Yeah.
[01:13:18]  I'd be like, how do you have an oversized shirt?
[01:13:21]  I'm a lot sauce.
[01:13:22]  Yeah, I couldn't dress.
[01:13:23]  I still can't.
[01:13:24]  This is what it is.
[01:13:25]  I am who I am.
[01:13:26]  Nah, this was good, though.
[01:13:27]  Okay, thank you.
[01:13:27]  I'm trying to step it up.
[01:13:29]  But anyway, that is the meanest thing I've ever done.
[01:13:32]  But it's so funny.
[01:13:32]  And luckily, I just didn't buy a new laptop forever.
[01:13:36]  So I just had that one sitting on the old one.
[01:13:37]  I just bought a new one.
[01:13:38]  I haven't deleted the shit off of that one yet.
[01:13:39]  So it was there.
[01:13:40]  Only reason I have it.
[01:13:42]  And you would have never seen it.
[01:13:44]  But I'm so glad you did.
[01:13:45]  And you did better than you.
[01:13:47]  It was way better than that.
[01:13:48]  That's way better than I thought it was.
[01:13:49]  Dude, you handled it well.
[01:13:50]  I still couldn't put it out because, again, I didn't want people to be like, oh, this guy's not funny.
[01:13:54]  But now there's so much evidence that you're funny that I feel like we can play this now.
[01:14:00]  Dude, I mean, I'm telling you, I would have loaded a revolver like slowly.
[01:14:07]  And you would have zoomed out on the F-train.
[01:14:09]  You would hear one single thing drop.
[01:14:12]  And then there's no books in the wind.
[01:14:16]  Just says, fuck you, all gosh.
[01:14:18]  Fuck, man.
[01:14:19]  To that.
[01:14:20]  That's a crazy good prank.
[01:14:21]  It's so good.
[01:14:22]  To the fact, 12 years later, he can still relive it.
[01:14:25]  Yeah, it was really good.
[01:14:25]  It's a really good one.
[01:14:27]  It's really good.
[01:14:27]  It's too good, to be honest.
[01:14:29]  If it wasn't so good, people would have seen this years ago.
[01:14:31]  But it's so fucking mean that I was like, oh, I can't do this.
[01:14:34]  It feels awful.
[01:14:35]  But now, again, Wilbur twice, so who gives a fuck?
[01:14:38]  That's true.
[01:14:38]  Wilbur twice.
[01:14:39]  Could have had a third.
[01:14:41]  Could have added a third.
[01:14:42]  Yeah.
[01:14:43]  I'm going to do this to you.
[01:14:44]  I'm going to do this to you in like a, in like, I don't know when.
[01:14:48]  And then you just see him standing up, just clapping.
[01:14:52]  Yeah, dude.
[01:14:53]  I do fear that.
[01:14:53]  And again, now when I bomb, I'm going to be like, come on, guys.
[01:14:57]  We're the cameras.
[01:14:58]  Yeah, yeah, I got it.
[01:14:59]  Okay.
[01:15:00]  Let me ask a question that sort of relates to this.
[01:15:03]  When you guys are crushing, do you guys, this is such a weird, like, don't have a good self-evaluation of myself.
[01:15:08]  Do you guys ever think, sometimes I'll just put on myself and ask you, sometimes when I'm crushing, I think that I'm crushing because my fly's down.
[01:15:17]  Never had that thought.
[01:15:18]  Never had that thought.
[01:15:19]  I swear to God, there's laughter where I'm like, are y'all laughing at me?
[01:15:23]  Like, you know what I mean?
[01:15:24]  Like, I can't possibly be this funny.
[01:15:25]  Something has to be.
[01:15:27]  That's just a self-evaluation of myself.
[01:15:28]  I'm just like, oh, maybe this is like, this can't be real.
[01:15:30]  What's happening?
[01:15:31]  Is there like a fucking crushing?
[01:15:32]  It's so hard sometimes.
[01:15:34]  Yeah.
[01:15:34]  I don't have that self-doubt thing, but what I still wrestle with and used to be real bad.
[01:15:39]  I remember they'd be calling me up at Eastville, which is the only club I was passed at other than Sandom, New York.
[01:15:43]  And as they were calling me up, packed room Friday, Saturday night, I'd be like, God, I hope these people don't realize I'm a complete phony.
[01:15:49]  And it's such a hacky comic self-doubt thought, even the fucking, I'm annoyed at how hacky that thought is.
[01:15:54]  But then the second they didn't laugh, I would be like, oh shit, they're finding out.
[01:15:57]  And I would start talking faster and cussing more and overcompensating.
[01:16:01]  And I would hear it back when you listen to your sets.
[01:16:03]  And I would hate that.
[01:16:05]  And I couldn't figure out what it was.
[01:16:06]  And then I realized it's, oh, I think I'm a phony and they're finding out I'm a phony.
[01:16:12]  So now I still have to like, if a joke doesn't get a laugh, grab my brain and be like, yo, chill, calm down, take a breath.
[01:16:18]  You're going to be fine.
[01:16:19]  You're funny.
[01:16:20]  Even if this show doesn't go well, you have thousands that did.
[01:16:23]  You're cool.
[01:16:24]  So it's still like a self-worth thing that, I mean, you probably got some void if you're getting up on that fucking stage.
[01:16:29]  So y'all still, I'll grapple with that.
[01:16:31]  Yeah, I think the greatest part about where we're at in our career now is we have like receipts.
[01:16:36]  Like back in the day when you don't do well, you don't have no receipts.
[01:16:39]  Now you can just be like, hey, man, I'm doing comedy for 15 years.
[01:16:42]  People come see me.
[01:16:43]  Two plus million on TikTok.
[01:16:45]  Like blah, Like we're like, we're good, but it's still hard.
[01:16:49]  It's still hard to like get that in your brain.
[01:16:52]  Yeah.
[01:16:53]  Should we get some drinks?
[01:16:54]  Yeah, let's get some drinks.
[01:16:55]  Blow.
[01:16:56]  I'm going to give you a second to settle your nerves.
[01:16:58]  I'm going to have two more drinks.
[01:16:59]  I loved seeing that it still affected you, though.
[01:17:01]  That lets me know if I wanted to be an asshole, I could.
[01:17:04]  I'd be really successful as a dickhead.
[01:17:07]  Yeah.
[01:17:07]  You need to.
[01:17:07]  Yeah.
[01:17:09]  That was amazing.
[01:17:11]  I'm like, seven cameras.
[01:17:12]  It really is.
[01:17:13]  Oh, yeah.
[01:17:13]  I didn't know that camera was that nice.
[01:17:15]  The idea of that prank show is really good.
[01:17:17]  It looks like so critical.
[01:17:18]  It's just mean.
[01:17:19]  I couldn't do it.
[01:17:20]  Stop it.
[01:17:21]  It's like somebody could do it to me and ruin my fucking life.
[01:17:24]  But four pranks on one person in an episode is such a fucking smart idea as opposed to one, four different people, one prank, we're done.
[01:17:33]  Just one guy watching them grapple with it every single day.
[01:17:36]  It's a really good idea.
[01:17:37]  It's really such a good idea.
[01:17:38]  But in this day and age, I mean, one night like that, there's no episode two.
[01:17:41]  They're done.
[01:17:42]  Yeah.
[01:17:42]  Bro.
[01:17:43]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:17:44]  Yeah, it's over.
[01:17:45]  Damn.
[01:17:46]  But you signed off very professionally, which was very proud.
[01:17:48]  Dude, you guys have been some people in a room.
[01:17:49]  It's really good.
[01:17:50]  Because I'd have been like, hey, you guys suck my fucking dick.
[01:17:53]  I don't really need to be at this club.
[01:17:54]  Who gives a shit?
[01:17:56]  I signed off like very like, that's my American Idol audition.
[01:17:59]  Good night.
[01:18:00]  I think that I would have loved to have seen this if the Booker wasn't in the room.
[01:18:06]  And I wasn't auditioning.
[01:18:07]  Who knows what would happen?
[01:18:08]  I would have thrown a chair at somebody.
[01:18:09]  Who knows?
[01:18:10]  You know what I mean?
[01:18:11]  But like when you're in those confines, you have to sort of still be like professional.
[01:18:15]  I'm still auditioning for the club.
[01:18:17]  There's no booker there.
[01:18:18]  It's the lantern.
[01:18:18]  So the Village Lantern, I think we talked about this.
[01:18:20]  Blau, Andrew, me, a lot of other funny people.
[01:18:22]  Case, good friend of ours, Case Rosso.
[01:18:24]  Would stand outside, get people downstairs into a basement, and you had to convince them this dark basement is actually a room with funny comics.
[01:18:31]  And the first three or four people would always be like, What the fuck?
[01:18:34]  It's just us.
[01:18:35]  Yeah, like what's it's New York?
[01:18:37]  They're getting uncomfortable.
[01:18:38]  We had to get comics starting over, we had to get comics that were on the show to sit down and pretend to be audience.
[01:18:43]  Pretend so the real audience would feel comfortable to sit in a fucking place.
[01:18:47]  Not even comfortable, a little less uncomfortable.
[01:18:50]  At least there's other people here who I think are on the show or think at the show.
[01:18:53]  But we deal with, you just deal with shitty audiences all the time as a product of that.
[01:18:57]  So that when he's doing little moments, we do have some training in that, but the training is also, fuck you.
[01:19:03]  We'll fucking, I don't give a fuck.
[01:19:05]  I'll burn this whole place down.
[01:19:06]  The whole place.
[01:19:07]  Yeah.
[01:19:07]  I think I said something.
[01:19:09]  I'll burn this fucking list.
[01:19:11]  I do it in a likable way.
[01:19:13]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:19:13]  But only because there's a bouncer there.
[01:19:15]  I mean, a booker.
[01:19:15]  A booker.
[01:19:16]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:19:16]  All right.
[01:19:17]  Let's get a drink.
[01:19:17]  I got a peek.
[01:19:19]  Guys, I'm not going to waste time talking sports with these two because they don't know nothing about it.
[01:19:23]  So if you didn't know, I had been on an unbelievable cold streak on prize picks.
[01:19:28]  We're going to keep it going.
[01:19:29]  You know the plan.
[01:19:29]  You pick the exact opposite of what I suggest, and that's going to make you money.
[01:19:34]  Also, you sign up at prizepicks.com and use the promo code Schultz.
[01:19:38]  They will match your initial deposit up to $100.
[01:19:40]  So if you invest $100, you deposit $100, you get $100 for free.
[01:19:45]  You really can't lose unless you're me.
[01:19:46]  And then you find a way to lose every week, but that's how you win.
[01:19:49]  Just pick the opposite of me.
[01:19:50]  So here are the picks for next week.
[01:19:53]  The Dolphins are playing the Eagles.
[01:19:55]  I don't trust the Eagles secondary.
[01:19:57]  I got Tyreek Hill getting more than half of a touchdown.
[01:20:01]  That means he's going to score at least one touchdown.
[01:20:03]  Okay.
[01:20:04]  Also, I got Jalen Hurts throwing for less than 264.5 yards.
[01:20:09]  I know he's a great runner.
[01:20:10]  I just don't think he's going to pass for that many yards.
[01:20:12]  And last, Travis Etienne, I think he's gotten a touchdown the last two games.
[01:20:16]  I think he keeps that streak going.
[01:20:17]  Touchdown, three straight games for Travis Etienne and the Jacksonville Jaguars.
[01:20:21]  More than half a touchdown for Travis Etienne.
[01:20:23]  Thank you guys.
[01:20:24]  Prize picks.
[01:20:25]  Now let's get back to the show.
[01:20:26]  All right, guys, we're back.
[01:20:26]  We got drinks for everybody.

=== Edging Toward Touchdowns (04:37) ===

[01:20:27]  Again, I don't drink, but we're all, let's all cheers.
[01:20:29]  I'm going to get fucked up.
[01:20:30]  We'll get fucked up.
[01:20:31]  We've never done this together.
[01:20:31]  We haven't.
[01:20:32]  I feel so good about that.
[01:20:33]  I got you.
[01:20:35]  I got you.
[01:20:35]  Let's go.
[01:20:38]  That's more than I usually do.
[01:20:39]  I'm going to be talking.
[01:20:41]  That's only five, but for me, that's a lot.
[01:20:43]  I don't do it all.
[01:20:43]  Five is a lot.
[01:20:44]  I mean, yeah, if I did five, I'm going to be cooking.
[01:20:47]  Feel nice.
[01:20:48]  So do you normally get some nice lip dick tonight?
[01:20:54]  You think your dick game has improved?
[01:20:56]  No.
[01:20:58]  How has it not?
[01:20:59]  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
[01:20:59]  It's only one.
[01:21:00]  It has to go up.
[01:21:01]  Because it's only one.
[01:21:02]  But it has to go up.
[01:21:03]  Yeah, but the communication has to be obviously.
[01:21:06]  Oh, we're great.
[01:21:06]  Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
[01:21:07]  I'm sure if it was another girl, she'd be like, fuck, okay, buddy.
[01:21:11]  I used to want to do a bit about this where, like, my wife used to be like more jealous that I would cheat on her.
[01:21:15]  And I want to be like, baby, no, I would never cheat on you.
[01:21:17]  My dick game is trash.
[01:21:18]  Like, I'm not going to go trade both of us with this.
[01:21:21]  You know what I mean?
[01:21:21]  That's embarrassing both of you.
[01:21:23]  Why would you do that?
[01:21:25]  Why don't you do that?
[01:21:26]  She won't like it.
[01:21:27]  I think I've done it, but then I couldn't think of more meat to it.
[01:21:29]  So I just have that line kind of sitting there.
[01:21:30]  Whatever.
[01:21:31]  If I can think of more meat on it, we'll do it as a bit.
[01:21:33]  It is interesting that every woman you run into, there's just different buttons.
[01:21:38]  Why can't it just be the same across the board?
[01:21:40]  Every woman you run into.
[01:21:40]  I believe you, but I don't know that to be a fact.
[01:21:42]  It is a fact.
[01:21:43]  I mean, I believe you, but I don't know, Al.
[01:21:45]  G-spots are all over the goddamn place.
[01:21:48]  Some girls like that.
[01:21:50]  That's what I'm saying.
[01:21:51]  Tuscaloosa.
[01:21:52]  That's what makes it fun.
[01:21:53]  Yeah.
[01:21:54]  If it was the same.
[01:21:55]  Everybody play Operation Bitch.
[01:21:56]  Tell me where it is.
[01:21:58]  But what's more rewarding?
[01:21:59]  Postmates or when you make the food yourself?
[01:22:01]  Postmates.
[01:22:02]  Postmates.
[01:22:04]  I'm trying to get dying.
[01:22:05]  Like, don't you like making a meal?
[01:22:06]  I don't even like making a fucking meal.
[01:22:08]  I like drugging all myself and go to sleep.
[01:22:09]  I hear what you say.
[01:22:10]  I hear it.
[01:22:11]  You know, the more rewards.
[01:22:13]  I hear you.
[01:22:13]  I can't find a G-spot today.
[01:22:16]  Can I get a middle ground?
[01:22:17]  I would rather do a HelloFresh.
[01:22:18]  Put an air tag in there.
[01:22:19]  Do my thing, and I'll make it.
[01:22:20]  Does that make sense?
[01:22:21]  How is that sexual?
[01:22:22]  What is that sexually to you?
[01:22:23]  I don't know.
[01:22:24]  I'm not quizzing you.
[01:22:25]  I want to know.
[01:22:25]  I don't know.
[01:22:26]  Inquiring minds want to know.
[01:22:27]  I don't know.
[01:22:28]  So it's like all women are different, but at least just give me the recipe and how to find it.
[01:22:35]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:22:35]  There you go.
[01:22:36]  Hold it in.
[01:22:37]  Exactly.
[01:22:37]  All it is in my head, it's just this sounds so whatever.
[01:22:40]  It's just communication, man.
[01:22:41]  It's just open.
[01:22:42]  Be louder.
[01:22:43]  It's just open.
[01:22:45]  Pull off the cliff.
[01:22:47]  Pull up the cliff.
[01:22:51]  Producers catching strays is crazy.
[01:22:55]  It was man.
[01:22:57]  He's keeping in everything bad you said on this episode for sure.
[01:23:00]  He's erasing all the notes.
[01:23:01]  What did you want me to take out about that?
[01:23:03]  Oh my god.
[01:23:03]  There's all your pirate ship over there.
[01:23:05]  I was like, what's happening, dude?
[01:23:09]  Christian Astray on a Sunday is insane.
[01:23:13]  God, dude.
[01:23:16]  I love you.
[01:23:16]  I love you.
[01:23:17]  I'm fucking around.
[01:23:18]  We got to get you.
[01:23:18]  You don't even know his name.
[01:23:19]  Miles.
[01:23:20]  Miles.
[01:23:21]  You bailing out on that one.
[01:23:23]  He was out.
[01:23:24]  This is our podcast.
[01:23:25]  Yeah.
[01:23:25]  I thought this motherfucker was Klum.
[01:23:27]  I'm vomiting.
[01:23:29]  She really threw him off.
[01:23:32]  What time are we at?
[01:23:32]  What time are we at?
[01:23:35]  I think about that line all the time.
[01:23:37]  Stand up, New York.
[01:23:39]  Motherfucker.
[01:23:40]  My favorite thing is when I pull out of a bin, I go, what the fuck is wrong with y'all?
[01:23:43]  This is my favorite moment.
[01:23:46]  Holy shit.
[01:23:47]  Oh, man.
[01:23:49]  When is this weed going to kick in?
[01:23:50]  You think?
[01:23:51]  I don't know.
[01:23:51]  It says fast acting, but they always say that.
[01:23:53]  But you'll know.
[01:23:54]  Oh, when I'm gone, it's pretty clear I'm gone.
[01:23:57]  What happens?
[01:23:57]  My eyes get red.
[01:23:58]  I'll probably slump down in my chair.
[01:24:00]  I'll be just a lot.
[01:24:01]  I'll be a lot more.
[01:24:01]  Who gives a fuck?
[01:24:02]  He's been talking about doing weed for probably over a year before that happened.
[01:24:07]  He's like, maybe I'll do it.
[01:24:08]  Like, maybe, like, just edging.
[01:24:09]  He's like, edging, doing weed.
[01:24:11]  And then when we came up, I don't know.
[01:24:13]  I think pandemic, I was like, I haven't done anything.
[01:24:15]  And if life is short, so like, I'll do something.
[01:24:19]  And then I was hearing more about benefits of like shrooms.
[01:24:21]  I microdose shrooms.
[01:24:22]  I was doing it.
[01:24:23]  Shrooms are the best.
[01:24:24]  They're great.
[01:24:24]  The best.
[01:24:25]  I'm trying to get my wife to do it.
[01:24:26]  It's so fun.
[01:24:27]  So fun.
[01:24:29]  It's my favorite.
[01:24:30]  I haven't done all the drugs, but it's a good thing.
[01:24:31]  It's my favorite drug that I'm feeling.
[01:24:32]  For sure.
[01:24:33]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:24:33]  Yeah.
[01:24:34]  Yeah.
[01:24:34]  But if you give me a health benefit, I'm in.
[01:24:36]  I've never taken it.
[01:24:37]  Oh, my God.
[01:24:38]  What?
[01:24:38]  Is it?
[01:24:39]  Fucking Ficus plant if I take it.
[01:24:41]  I've only been it once.
[01:24:43]  It's so good.
[01:24:43]  Dude, he loves Molly.
[01:24:44]  He'll microdose Molly.
[01:24:45]  Yeah.
[01:24:46]  Like Molly Water or just straight up Molly?
[01:24:48]  Like, just like take a little bit of it?
[01:24:50]  It's on a Thursday or what?
[01:24:51]  Nah, if I'm going out out, but it's like you don't have to drink as much.
[01:24:54]  You don't have to hang over the next day.
[01:24:56]  Like, if you micro-dose, it's fine.
[01:24:57]  If you take too much, then you're going to be able to do it.
[01:24:59]  I wish we had the Kwalud era.
[01:25:00]  I just feel like that was a different.
[01:25:01]  Oh, I feel like our Kwalud is micro-dose.

=== Loving Beautiful Feet and Nipples (08:20) ===

[01:25:05]  Dude, I just watched it.
[01:25:07]  I watched it and my wife, weirdly, she loves the girliest movies, but loves Wolf of Wall Street.
[01:25:11]  And we're watching it together again.
[01:25:13]  And it's so funny.
[01:25:15]  And the improv in that movie, we played it on a Patreon because it's just like incredible improv.
[01:25:19]  They remember that scene where they're talking about tossing the midgets at the targets, but they're like, how do we do this?
[01:25:23]  Little thing.
[01:25:24]  Huh?
[01:25:25]  Little people.
[01:25:25]  No, they said midgets in the movie.
[01:25:27]  Oh, all right.
[01:25:28]  Dude, I'm almost one of them.
[01:25:30]  What are you talking about?
[01:25:32]  I'm borderline midget.
[01:25:33]  I could say this shit.
[01:25:34]  What is this half-black person saying?
[01:25:36]  What's the cutoff?
[01:25:38]  My clothes are five feet even.
[01:25:39]  I think it's 4'11, is like 4'11 and below is midget, but that should only be men.
[01:25:44]  My mom is 4'11 and a half.
[01:25:45]  She ain't no midget.
[01:25:46]  Yeah, no, it is.
[01:25:47]  I think it's a different cutoff.
[01:25:49]  Come on now.
[01:25:50]  My mom is hot in the middle.
[01:25:53]  Giant tits, bro.
[01:25:54]  It's crazy.
[01:25:55]  Wait, What?
[01:25:57]  Yeah, giant.
[01:25:58]  Absolutely.
[01:25:59]  He's met my mom.
[01:26:00]  Yeah.
[01:26:00]  She got the bazungas on her.
[01:26:01]  He was at my wedding.
[01:26:02]  He met my mom.
[01:26:03]  All of our moms on this podcast have giant tits.
[01:26:05]  My mom.
[01:26:06]  Wow.
[01:26:06]  Yeah.
[01:26:07]  My B tits.
[01:26:08]  Perfect.
[01:26:11]  Yo.
[01:26:11]  She should be in jail.
[01:26:15]  Perfect.
[01:26:15]  Bro, it's breastfeeding like 19 being like.
[01:26:19]  I'll brush you right now if she let me.
[01:26:22]  Give me your tip.
[01:26:23]  Trevor, you're Bob.
[01:26:24]  Yeah, yeah, I think she's gorgeous as my mom.
[01:26:29]  No, that's be respectful.
[01:26:31]  Yeah, come on, he'll be weird about it.
[01:26:32]  Handful's perfect.
[01:26:33]  Handful.
[01:26:34]  I wouldn't introduce her to Michael, but yeah, you know about a handful.
[01:26:37]  I've met her.
[01:26:38]  I know you have.
[01:26:39]  I've DM'd her.
[01:26:40]  No, she got heavy.
[01:26:41]  She got the heavy seatos?
[01:26:42]  No heavies.
[01:26:43]  No.
[01:26:43]  No heavies.
[01:26:44]  Nice ass.
[01:26:45]  No, nice.
[01:26:45]  Nice ass?
[01:26:46]  You're into asses.
[01:26:47]  You think that's good?
[01:26:47]  I'm a big ass man.
[01:26:48]  He's a big ass.
[01:26:49]  Here's the thing.
[01:26:49]  Asses are like his feet.
[01:26:51]  Yes.
[01:26:52]  Mama's got beautiful fucking feet.
[01:26:54]  Oh, you're.
[01:26:55]  Oh.
[01:26:56]  My mom's feet are all right.
[01:26:57]  What happened at this lantern place that you guys came?
[01:27:00]  That's the way it comes up because all three of y'all are some weird feet, motherfuckers.
[01:27:04]  You're seeing them.
[01:27:05]  I love feet.
[01:27:06]  He loves them the most.
[01:27:07]  It's probably him, Shelton.
[01:27:09]  Andrew just fucking out of this world with me.
[01:27:10]  No, dude, dude, something weird.
[01:27:12]  No, no, no.
[01:27:13]  The most.
[01:27:13]  Oh, more than all of that.
[01:27:15]  Oh, the most.
[01:27:16]  All right.
[01:27:17]  So you see a girl's page on IG is the first thing you go to the feet.
[01:27:21]  You stopped at a billboard for the Barbie movie to zoom in on the feet.
[01:27:24]  People honking at me.
[01:27:27]  People honking at me.
[01:27:28]  You got to know.
[01:27:29]  Please jump out the window.
[01:27:30]  Postman.
[01:27:31]  Honk honk.
[01:27:32]  I don't give a shit.
[01:27:33]  Let me get this on my goddamn Instagram story.
[01:27:35]  Hot feet.
[01:27:36]  God.
[01:27:37]  It's so lantern fucking.
[01:27:41]  He's like 100% hard if I think about it.
[01:27:43]  He told me a story about hooking up with this girl one time.
[01:27:46]  He was a fan.
[01:27:47]  I don't know if you're comfortable sharing this story.
[01:27:49]  Well, we'll see.
[01:27:50]  Okay.
[01:27:52]  Doesn't matter.
[01:27:53]  My feet are not.
[01:27:54]  She came over.
[01:27:56]  She came over to my place after a show.
[01:27:59]  She knew who I was.
[01:28:00]  Fan.
[01:28:01]  Gave me a foot job.
[01:28:03]  Left.
[01:28:03]  Didn't say a word to each other the whole time.
[01:28:06]  What?
[01:28:06]  Yeah.
[01:28:07]  She knew what's up.
[01:28:08]  Oh, so yeah, you're on a different level.
[01:28:09]  You actually, you're footing with the feet.
[01:28:12]  Different level.
[01:28:13]  They don't do stuff with feet.
[01:28:14]  They just admire them.
[01:28:16]  No.
[01:28:16]  Crazy, dog.
[01:28:17]  I like, dude.
[01:28:18]  This fucking...
[01:28:19]  Yo, you're crazy.
[01:28:20]  You don't fuck feet?
[01:28:21]  God, dude.
[01:28:23]  So these are the two.
[01:28:23]  If you take them, you baby oil them up, dude, and you just fucking just, dude.
[01:28:29]  And the little toes is a moving too, dude.
[01:28:31]  My last one.
[01:28:33]  Come on, that's the part I'm not on.
[01:28:34]  Leave the toes.
[01:28:36]  Dude, my last girl would wrap her fucking toes around and then do, oh, fuck.
[01:28:41]  I'll come.
[01:28:41]  She was a brown girl, too.
[01:28:42]  So she had them fucking, you know what I mean?
[01:28:44]  Talents.
[01:28:45]  She could pick up a burrito, bitch.
[01:28:50]  Yo, that was my.
[01:28:51]  I swear to God, that was a big thing.
[01:28:52]  Well, my wife has nice feet, and Indian girls don't normally.
[01:28:55]  So that's one of the reasons I was like, I have to ask this girl out.
[01:28:58]  She's a beautiful Indian girl with nice feet and a Goldman Sachs internship.
[01:29:01]  Where I'm going to get this again.
[01:29:03]  I can't comment, but yes.
[01:29:05]  I love how feet and Goldman Sachs were the same plan.
[01:29:07]  Son, it's the same.
[01:29:07]  It was the same consistency.
[01:29:08]  That's amazing.
[01:29:09]  That shit mattered to me.
[01:29:10]  I was like, that's God's way of telling me this is my wife.
[01:29:13]  That's beautiful.
[01:29:14]  Did you know that it was your wife when you first met her?
[01:29:16]  She honestly was so like, she was so hot to me that I was like, this girl's going to ruin my life.
[01:29:21]  There's no way this is like a good girl.
[01:29:22]  It's just impossible.
[01:29:24]  And then she turned out.
[01:29:24]  She was in an awesome place right when you first met her.
[01:29:26]  Weren't you still in the ecosystem of the...
[01:29:28]  No, I was doing not great, but better.
[01:29:31]  I was in the guy code and all that shit.
[01:29:33]  So to me, life was the grand.
[01:29:34]  Oh, no.
[01:29:35]  I was making like 60K or whatever, doing shows, and I was living with Case Rosso, our homie.
[01:29:40]  And we would just be out hanging out all the time.
[01:29:43]  I had more than enough to live for what I needed.
[01:29:45]  I was like a super independent free time.
[01:29:48]  I went broke in 2018.
[01:29:49]  Oh, no, no.
[01:29:51]  I'm not even talking about you.
[01:29:52]  See what happened there.
[01:29:55]  No, no, I'm saying like, weren't you, you had like heartbreak?
[01:29:59]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[01:29:59]  That's what I'm saying.
[01:30:00]  So not financial life.
[01:30:01]  I just had no game, dude.
[01:30:02]  It's unbelievable.
[01:30:03]  I'm not saying I have a lot now, but I just didn't know women.
[01:30:05]  My friends were all dudes.
[01:30:06]  I had an older brother.
[01:30:07]  I didn't understand how different we were mentally and emotionally, and I just couldn't fucking benefit it.
[01:30:12]  There's no, that's what I'm saying.
[01:30:13]  Yeah, but my mom loves me unconditionally.
[01:30:15]  Right.
[01:30:16]  I couldn't understand why I wouldn't win.
[01:30:18]  Only one woman I talked to, she loves me unconditionally.
[01:30:20]  Yeah.
[01:30:20]  And she got the him.
[01:30:22]  Hell, why?
[01:30:23]  Let me see you.
[01:30:26]  Do you like fat tits?
[01:30:27]  I'm not into it.
[01:30:28]  I'm out.
[01:30:29]  Yeah.
[01:30:30]  They're too heavy.
[01:30:31]  Do you know what I mean?
[01:30:32]  Your mom's tits are perfect.
[01:30:33]  No, they are.
[01:30:34]  They're fucking perfect.
[01:30:35]  They're just like this.
[01:30:36]  They're just that right there.
[01:30:38]  She's got good nipples, though.
[01:30:42]  How do you know what the nipples look like?
[01:30:44]  How do you not?
[01:30:45]  Yeah, he sucked on them, dude.
[01:30:46]  I know, but you didn't suck on your mom's tits?
[01:30:48]  Fucking cuck?
[01:30:49]  I don't remember my seventh grade art teacher's name, but you remember the nips?
[01:30:52]  Yeah, it looked like green beans.
[01:30:54]  What the fuck?
[01:30:54]  No, I'm just fucking.
[01:30:57]  Oh, man.
[01:30:58]  There we go.
[01:30:59]  Green beans?
[01:31:01]  Oh, yeah.
[01:31:01]  Yeah, but after you have too many kids, the nip will come out.
[01:31:05]  Really?
[01:31:05]  Yeah.
[01:31:06]  Because you're going to suck so much.
[01:31:08]  Yeah.
[01:31:08]  Oh.
[01:31:09]  After a couple of kids, you need areola surgery.
[01:31:11]  Really?
[01:31:12]  Yeah, I'll pay for it.
[01:31:13]  It's a new BBL.
[01:31:14]  Yeah.
[01:31:15]  You're an ass, man, because your mom has a fat ass.
[01:31:17]  Well, okay.
[01:31:18]  It's not a fat ass, but that's what I look for.
[01:31:24]  Dark hair and ass.
[01:31:26]  What kind of hair does I do?
[01:31:27]  I want to know your hair.
[01:31:28]  Dark hair.
[01:31:28]  There you go.
[01:31:29]  I used to get so weirded out when people, you like talking about, oh, my mom's so high, but bro, what?
[01:31:32]  And then, like, the more people define my type.
[01:31:33]  I'm like, bro, that's literally what is that?
[01:31:37]  Dude, they either look like my ex or my mom.
[01:31:39]  And I'm like, what the fuck?
[01:31:40]  Well, your ex and your mom look similar.
[01:31:42]  Yeah.
[01:31:42]  Holy shit.
[01:31:43]  Dude, I'm telling you.
[01:31:44]  I've said that before.
[01:31:45]  This is a bar episode in my head.
[01:31:46]  I don't know why.
[01:31:47]  My wife might look like my mom.
[01:31:49]  Short Indian girl.
[01:31:49]  Oh, they look similar.
[01:31:51]  That's super similar.
[01:31:51]  Like, it's crazy.
[01:31:53]  Yeah.
[01:31:54]  You think it's just because of what your brain was raised on?
[01:31:55]  So you know?
[01:31:56]  I knew I wanted to marry an Indian girl, so that was something I looked for.
[01:31:58]  But I think objectively, a lot of people would say my wife is beautiful.
[01:32:01]  I obviously do.
[01:32:02]  But like, yeah, oh, I don't know.
[01:32:03]  I just, maybe that's why I was so attracted to her part of it.
[01:32:06]  So you felt like she was way out of your league and then it just clicked or something?
[01:32:09]  Yeah.
[01:32:09]  I just also, I, in my experience, that type of girl at that level of hot, I was like, there's no way this is going to be like a girl on my wavelength in terms of morality and whatever.
[01:32:19]  And she's like a super religious.
[01:32:20]  So I was like, oh, this lined up in a way that I didn't think it would.
[01:32:22]  But there was, again, she was so hot.
[01:32:24]  I was like, there's no way she's like, she also hadn't had sex until she was married.
[01:32:29]  Just like a bunch of, she's super religious.
[01:32:31]  She like wants to be in Gridwara.
[01:32:32]  She's sick.
[01:32:33]  I'm Hindu, but she wants to be praying every Sunday.
[01:32:35]  It was like all these things.
[01:32:37]  Sick Temple, where we went for my wedding.
[01:32:39]  Oh, okay.
[01:32:40]  So she, every Sunday, she tries to go.
[01:32:42]  And then I'll go a lot too, just as a part of that.
[01:32:44]  But like, yeah, she was, it was like, oh, this lined up in a way I didn't think it would.
[01:32:48]  In New York, too, it's just, it's girls out there.
[01:32:50]  Yeah.
[01:32:51]  So I was like, everything blogs.
[01:32:52]  Out there.
[01:32:52]  Yeah, whatever happened.
[01:32:54]  And they're out.
[01:32:54]  Just loose pussies running around.
[01:32:57]  Hey.
[01:32:58]  Hey.
[01:32:59]  Who starts getting fingered?
[01:33:04]  Nah, but one of these days, one of these porn stars, you'll get them.
[01:33:06]  We may hit you.
[01:33:09]  I have.
[01:33:10]  I've had fornications with one.
[01:33:11]  Is this yours?
[01:33:12]  What?
[01:33:12]  Can you say who?
[01:33:14]  Nah.
[01:33:15]  Say what believe it.
[01:33:16]  Actually, we won't even know who it is.
[01:33:18]  We don't know porn sauce, to be honest.
[01:33:20]  The one that I have fornications with is not like one-on-one.
[01:33:22]  She's like, you know.
[01:33:25]  She's an up-and-coming artist.

=== Regret After Stressful Nights (16:24) ===

[01:33:26]  Yeah.
[01:33:26]  She and her SoundCloud ass.
[01:33:29]  She's at the lantern.
[01:33:33]  She's only come up.
[01:33:34]  Yeah.
[01:33:34]  Yeah.
[01:33:34]  But she's, yeah.
[01:33:36]  Yeah.
[01:33:36]  Describe it.
[01:33:37]  And then hot.
[01:33:39]  Suck a dick through a something.
[01:33:41]  I'll tell you something.
[01:33:42]  Are you guys fucking multiple times or just the ones?
[01:33:45]  We did twice.
[01:33:46]  Oh, twice.
[01:33:47]  That's a compliment to you.
[01:33:49]  She gets fucked professionally.
[01:33:50]  Yeah.
[01:33:51]  So you got some pro dick.
[01:33:52]  I dick.
[01:33:53]  You could have made it to the league.
[01:33:54]  Let me tell you.
[01:33:54]  She circled back.
[01:33:55]  You want me to circle back?
[01:33:57]  Circle back.
[01:33:57]  Uncle shooting at the wise.
[01:33:59]  You could have done something with that.
[01:34:00]  Why do you got a knee brace on that?
[01:34:03]  Got the Bengal.
[01:34:06]  I think my dick game is probably above average.
[01:34:09]  I wouldn't say it was like top, top, top.
[01:34:11]  You know what?
[01:34:11]  I think I bring to the table?
[01:34:13]  Passion.
[01:34:14]  And I know you guys are going to make fun of me, but I think it matters.
[01:34:16]  No, I'm sure that matters.
[01:34:17]  Yeah.
[01:34:18]  Just a lot.
[01:34:19]  Just a lot of.
[01:34:20]  Why that passionless hooker bothered you so much?
[01:34:22]  I'm telling you, that's for sure.
[01:34:25]  He's very crazy.
[01:34:26]  But I get hard.
[01:34:26]  You're like, what?
[01:34:28]  It's great on command.
[01:34:29]  Prank or the passionless hooker.
[01:34:31]  The passionless hooker.
[01:34:32]  I've never seen him so mad.
[01:34:34]  I've known this guy for maybe six years.
[01:34:36]  Never seen somebody.
[01:34:36]  He was distraught.
[01:34:38]  There was nothing.
[01:34:39]  That's the maddest you've ever seen.
[01:34:41]  Because when I told Gabe that we were going to do this, this show, this video, he was like, yo, Trevor would love that because you have like real strong opinions on Blau's temper and you want to like say that.
[01:34:51]  I mean, we both see each other just loser.
[01:34:52]  Cool.
[01:34:53]  And I think we're getting better at it, but like, man, there's this day where you see someone in it and you're like, I'm just going to get you, man.
[01:34:57]  Yeah, I can't.
[01:34:58]  He's a sweet.
[01:34:59]  This is what's really impressive about you too is how successful and all that shit that you are.
[01:35:03]  You're still just like the sweetest guy to me.
[01:35:05]  You're just like the nicest guy.
[01:35:07]  I think I was raised with the right, but I don't know.
[01:35:09]  Like, he seen me crazy, man.
[01:35:10]  Like, don't lose.
[01:35:11]  Like, one time, the Starbucks was taking too long.
[01:35:13]  It was too hot and it burnt my tongue.
[01:35:15]  And I just threw on the ground of a hotel carpet.
[01:35:18]  And I said, I was too hot.
[01:35:19]  And then Michael was like, it's one of those days, huh?
[01:35:22]  And then he said, shut the fuck up.
[01:35:24]  I will say, though, man, as a kid, I was more mad.
[01:35:27]  Go ahead.
[01:35:27]  I will say, though, with your, your success went from, and I'm not shitting on you.
[01:35:32]  This is actually a compliment.
[01:35:33]  Your success went.
[01:35:33]  No, no, no, no.
[01:35:34]  Hold on.
[01:35:35]  Let me just say, this is going to sound whatever.
[01:35:36]  Your success went from zero to a billion in like a in like two months, dog.
[01:35:43]  Okay.
[01:35:43]  Like, and, and I think that your ability to handle all of that was very, uh, was very like inspiring, honestly.
[01:35:53]  Cause I think a lot of people couldn't handle that, that type of rise that fast.
[01:35:58]  And so I think those moments that you were having during that rise were just because you were trying to handle and process all this shit.
[01:36:07]  Yeah.
[01:36:07]  And so it wasn't that moment.
[01:36:08]  It was the bill cut.
[01:36:09]  Correct.
[01:36:10]  And it's like, dude, I was, I was there for every moment of that.
[01:36:13]  And to your credit, dude, I think you handled it very, very well because a lot of people wouldn't have, dog.
[01:36:20]  Like, it's not like this slow stand-up success, blah, blah, blah.
[01:36:24]  You went from literally people being like, oh, I kind of know that guy from fine to like the biggest internet person in two months.
[01:36:31]  Dude, I remember him.
[01:36:32]  It was insane, dog.
[01:36:33]  Wanting to start Sif Style telling me about it.
[01:36:35]  And then he was like, I mean, this guy's just blowing the fuck up.
[01:36:37]  And I hadn't heard about you yet.
[01:36:38]  But then you started the thing before that, but it was like right before that.
[01:36:44]  So I was with you.
[01:36:45]  We started a podcast maybe two months, three months before the, I think it might have been the white club.
[01:36:50]  I was about to, the way we connected, I was about to quit my job and you were doing college gigs and college gigs were paying you like two to three K at a time.
[01:36:58]  And at that point, I was like, bro, that's like three months run in Santa Monica.
[01:37:01]  So like, and then I was telling him how I was selling merch through videos.
[01:37:05]  And we both connected on that.
[01:37:06]  I was like, you tell me how to do college gigs, I'll tell you how to do videos.
[01:37:08]  Yeah, remember that.
[01:37:09]  And we just both like connected on that.
[01:37:11]  But yeah, I also think she's like doing like open mics years and years and years.
[01:37:14]  Like that just like hammered in my head that like you ain't shit, you know?
[01:37:16]  So I think kids get like an ego because they're just normal, normal, normal.
[01:37:19]  They get a big pop in videos.
[01:37:20]  Now they're that guy.
[01:37:21]  Right.
[01:37:22]  So I think just like that, watching guys like Kev and watching people like, I had like, I had a lot of videos pop in the back end, slow, And then when it really, really hit, that's when I was like, oh, okay.
[01:37:33]  Like it, like, it felt overnight.
[01:37:34]  But for me, it was been like, I've been posting videos for like three to four years.
[01:37:38]  So it was like steady, steady, steady.
[01:37:40]  But but you still handle a lot of people don't.
[01:37:42]  And I don't know if you said you inspired by this.
[01:37:44]  I was.
[01:37:45]  And I, this is, so I'm going to give Charles his flowers while he's not here.
[01:37:48]  Sometimes, you know, I never get jealous of him, but sometimes I'll get insecure.
[01:37:50]  Like, man, am I going to, why it's taking me so long or whatever.
[01:37:53]  And then I really think I get to watch Andrew do it and I get to see how he handles himself.
[01:37:57]  And that to me has been such a lesson.
[01:37:59]  And like, this guy has never been too, too famous to take a picture with anybody.
[01:38:03]  He's never been too famous to not give somebody his best version of himself.
[01:38:07]  And so you'll hear stories of other celebrities being dickheads and might think that's okay.
[01:38:11]  But I got this example of this guy that's like, no, man, you do it.
[01:38:14]  That's what you do.
[01:38:15]  You take the picture, you do whatever.
[01:38:17]  And so I do feel like it's so cool that I get to learn that from him.
[01:38:19]  And I'm curious what y'all learned from each other because maybe you've learned that from him.
[01:38:23]  I don't know.
[01:38:23]  Yeah, I mean, that's literally exactly what you said, man.
[01:38:26]  Just like watching how you just like took on all the success that fast as professional as you were during all the success was inspiring.
[01:38:39]  But also, like, I did learn a lot where just like even just how to like hang yourself like through an airport or like, try to like hang yourself in the meet and greet and like how you, how, like, the stuff you even sold at the meet and greet.
[01:38:53]  Like, I just all that kind of stuff.
[01:38:55]  As fast as someone can whip out a phone, you can be on the internet the next second later.
[01:38:58]  I never wanted to be that guy who was like having a public meltdown out of fucking, you know, quizzes or the airports.
[01:39:03]  That'll ruin it.
[01:39:03]  I'll have a public meltdown.
[01:39:04]  Yeah.
[01:39:05]  If I feel disrespected, Blau and I do have this in common.
[01:39:07]  That's the shit that takes me zero to 100.
[01:39:09]  If I feel like you don't have common decency, I'll catch myself quick.
[01:39:12]  I'll like start to wrap up.
[01:39:13]  I'll be like, okay, Chris, what's up?
[01:39:14]  But like, I'll feel it come out.
[01:39:15]  I'm like, you know, as a kid, bro, I like used to, my Xbox remotes, the controllers had bite marks.
[01:39:22]  All my life.
[01:39:23]  This shit folded up, bro.
[01:39:25]  It folded up like an overcooked patty.
[01:39:27]  The shit bite on them.
[01:39:29]  I had multiple holes in my wall.
[01:39:30]  The college shit punching the shit in the wall.
[01:39:31]  That's all me.
[01:39:32]  I would throw remotes.
[01:39:33]  I would just like, I just like, I, dude, I bit my iPhone once and cracked a screen just so mad.
[01:39:40]  Just bit it.
[01:39:41]  What?
[01:39:41]  Who knows?
[01:39:42]  This was like maybe 19 or 20.
[01:39:44]  How did you calm down?
[01:39:44]  Was it like an active thing?
[01:39:47]  Well, what happens?
[01:39:47]  You get this like post-nut out of like stress, regret.
[01:39:49]  And you're like, what am I doing?
[01:39:51]  Yeah.
[01:39:51]  You're fucking gnawing.
[01:39:52]  Your dogs are going to be like, why are you turning on the remote?
[01:39:54]  That's my job.
[01:39:55]  You know?
[01:39:55]  Yeah.
[01:39:55]  Like, you just feel like an idiot.
[01:39:56]  And then I just like, I think that I just never wanted to look like an idiot in public.
[01:39:59]  And I just think that like, it's not, I don't know.
[01:40:02]  I just, I never wanted to be like, like, bagel boss.
[01:40:04]  I'm going to do those going crazy in New York.
[01:40:06]  It's like, I just never want that to be how people associate with you.
[01:40:09]  Oh, that Trevor guy was dope, but he's a complete asshole.
[01:40:12]  So, so complete asshole.
[01:40:13]  I just never want to be associated with those two.
[01:40:15]  You're always friendly, though.
[01:40:16]  I've seen you get recognized.
[01:40:17]  I've seen you get recognized.
[01:40:18]  I see with Andrew all the time.
[01:40:19]  And it's like, oh, and also, dude, it happened to my wife one time.
[01:40:21]  Some, some bitch from Peloton, my wife take those classes.
[01:40:25]  And then this girl, her whole thing is about being positive or whatever.
[01:40:27]  And my wife saw her in Newark airport and she was like, oh, that's the girl who's been.
[01:40:30]  And I was like, yo, go say hi.
[01:40:31]  She said hi to the girl.
[01:40:32]  Now, granted, it's early, but my wife, then maybe a little uncomfortable, she just goes, hi, which you're kind of, and then the girl goes, hi.
[01:40:39]  And then my wife kind of, and she's like, I just want to tell you, I love taking your classes.
[01:40:42]  You're so nice.
[01:40:43]  I love whatever.
[01:40:44]  It's so thank you so much.
[01:40:45]  And she just goes, okay.
[01:40:48]  And I was like, yo, I'm the biggest bitch in the world, dude.
[01:40:51]  And I never want to be that, but it does.
[01:40:54]  When you start, I realize when it happens a lot, that's tiring.
[01:40:57]  You got it, but you got to do it.
[01:40:59]  But it is like, I'm glad I had the model of being like, yo, it was never okay no matter how chills gets recognized all the time.
[01:41:05]  I'm starting to get recognized more, but that's, and I see constant like, hey, man, what's up?
[01:41:09]  Super comfortable, super, and I'm like, oh, that's the way to be.
[01:41:12]  It's hard to build up for somebody to go out of there, come along to say something to you or like, wait, why is it?
[01:41:16]  That's what it was.
[01:41:17]  And then the letdown, you're like, I went out of my way to give you a compliment and you're going to shoot it down.
[01:41:21]  Like, that just, you feel worse.
[01:41:23]  Yeah.
[01:41:23]  I always try to put myself in their position where it's like, it is a lot because they've been, they've been seeing you for three minutes.
[01:41:29]  Yeah.
[01:41:29]  And they finally worked up the courage to come over to you.
[01:41:32]  And then you're an asshole.
[01:41:34]  It's like, dude, it takes three seconds to just be like, oh man, thank you so much, man.
[01:41:37]  I appreciate you listening.
[01:41:38]  I appreciate you watching the clips.
[01:41:39]  You want to get a picture?
[01:41:40]  Awesome.
[01:41:41]  Bang.
[01:41:41]  It's, it's fucking 20.
[01:41:43]  So snarky responds doesn't do anything for anybody.
[01:41:45]  It's like people mouth off to a cop.
[01:41:47]  You feel cool in the moment, but the cop's not cutting you any slap.
[01:41:50]  What if they're not, hey, man, I'm such a big fan?
[01:41:52]  Because there's the only thing.
[01:41:53]  I've had annoying shit too where somebody walks up and filming in my face.
[01:41:56]  I was at a bar last night and fucking this guy walks up filming with a shot.
[01:41:59]  He goes, yo, this is for you.
[01:42:00]  And you're just like, all right, I guess I'm just going to just, you know, you kind of just in the back of your head, you're like, this is weird.
[01:42:05]  But you go, all right.
[01:42:06]  The guy I had a guy, he didn't outright know who I was, but I looked familiar.
[01:42:10]  You know, you get the, where do I know you're from?
[01:42:12]  I'm trying to get an Uber.
[01:42:13]  We're leaving.
[01:42:14]  I'm date night, whatever.
[01:42:15]  It's like 11.
[01:42:15]  It's fucking cold outside.
[01:42:17]  Windy, maybe rainy.
[01:42:18]  Good guy.
[01:42:19]  That guy has, you know, yeah, good feet.
[01:42:22]  I'm like, absolutely.
[01:42:23]  The guy has an umbrella.
[01:42:23]  He's like four feet away from me, and he just pokes me in the shoulder with the umbrella.
[01:42:26]  That's crazy.
[01:42:27]  And I look at him.
[01:42:28]  That's crazy.
[01:42:29]  All some Mary Poppins shit.
[01:42:30]  Yeah, I look at him and then he goes, Where do I know you?
[01:42:33]  I go, I think I know you.
[01:42:34]  Where do I know you?
[01:42:34]  I think I know you.
[01:42:35]  And I just go, I don't think you do, man.
[01:42:37]  And then I just like grabbed it.
[01:42:38]  That's the only time I can ever remember being like, you can't poke someone with no.
[01:42:43]  Okay, thank you.
[01:42:43]  I'm not crazy, right?
[01:42:44]  Penguins.
[01:42:45]  I was Batman, dude.
[01:42:46]  I was like, fucking touch me.
[01:42:48]  As short as he is, like, he had to bring that.
[01:42:58]  Where do I know you're going to have to do like the disrespect?
[01:43:01]  Did I see you in Wizard of Oz?
[01:43:04]  Shit, I must have.
[01:43:07]  Yeah, that's crazy.
[01:43:09]  Because that was the only time I was like, I'm not going to indulge this fucking thing and be like, oh, I do stand.
[01:43:13]  Sometimes I'll be like, I do stand up because I don't know how else to handle it.
[01:43:16]  Clip online.
[01:43:17]  But I was just like, no, fuck you.
[01:43:19]  You can't hit me.
[01:43:20]  I wouldn't umbrella's crazy.
[01:43:21]  Yeah, I wondered for months.
[01:43:24]  I've been like, was I a dickhead to that guy?
[01:43:25]  He was a dick, right?
[01:43:27]  Yes.
[01:43:30]  He was Indian, so he was also short.
[01:43:32]  I was just like, you're fucking you, dude.
[01:43:35]  I felt it on my shoulder for like minutes after.
[01:43:37]  I was like, no, fuck, who the fuck does that?
[01:43:39]  How do y'all feel about guns?
[01:43:43]  He cracked me in the shoulder and said, where do I know you're from?
[01:43:45]  Is it?
[01:43:46]  I'd rather he tap the gun on my temple than be like, where do I know you're from?
[01:43:48]  Can I ask you a question?
[01:43:49]  No, that's crazy.
[01:43:50]  That's crazy.
[01:43:51]  So that is insane.
[01:43:52]  So I can't be hyperbolic for a joke.
[01:43:55]  What are we doing here?
[01:43:56]  I can't be high and hyperbolic.
[01:43:57]  Yeah, hyperbolic.
[01:44:00]  Sorry.
[01:44:01]  How do you feel about it?
[01:44:02]  Because I think I might have my videographer get strapped up.
[01:44:05]  Is that a bad idea?
[01:44:06]  Why are you a videographer?
[01:44:08]  I don't know.
[01:44:09]  I don't want to hire someone else.
[01:44:12]  It's unbelievable.
[01:44:13]  It's unbelievable.
[01:44:14]  How much this guy hates spending money?
[01:44:17]  That's crazy.
[01:44:18]  Yeah.
[01:44:19]  Why wouldn't you just get the gun?
[01:44:20]  I don't want to shoot anybody.
[01:44:21]  Or just tell the comic club.
[01:44:22]  You guys got security, right?
[01:44:23]  They never knew.
[01:44:24]  Just have an eight foot four videographer.
[01:44:26]  Yeah.
[01:44:27]  Nobody's going to be able to do it.
[01:44:27]  My videographer is my gun.
[01:44:30]  He's not that small.
[01:44:31]  But I also want him to be strapped up.
[01:44:33]  Is that stupid?
[01:44:34]  No, dude.
[01:44:35]  Pay for security.
[01:44:36]  What the fuck?
[01:44:36]  I don't want to pick up someone else, though.
[01:44:38]  Stop it.
[01:44:39]  No, you guys don't bring the type of energy that you need anyone with a gun around.
[01:44:43]  Sometimes I do.
[01:44:45]  On stage, I could definitely.
[01:44:46]  Now, I will.
[01:44:47]  The people sometimes will be like, how do you not get your ass beat?
[01:44:50]  Normally, I will say during a show, like, yo, guys, we're just joking around.
[01:44:53]  If something, if you feel like cross the line, just let me know.
[01:44:55]  I'll move on.
[01:44:55]  I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
[01:44:57]  I'm not here to dissolve you.
[01:44:58]  You've been doing this for 15 years.
[01:44:59]  Not a single person has gotten on stage and hit you.
[01:45:01]  It's not going to happen.
[01:45:02]  Three black girls in St. Louis almost beat the shit out of me.
[01:45:04]  Yeah.
[01:45:05]  What the hell?
[01:45:06]  They misunderstood something I said as actually what happened.
[01:45:09]  They were accusing me of saying this shit.
[01:45:11]  Cam was there.
[01:45:13]  It's like Penguin, which is on Cam was there, not doing nothing, filming the whole fucking thing, getting beaten up.
[01:45:18]  Doing his shit.
[01:45:19]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:45:20]  This is going to be a fire clip.
[01:45:21]  I said something.
[01:45:22]  What would you get more mad?
[01:45:23]  Again, you asked me to not get in the clip.
[01:45:24]  No, not getting the clip.
[01:45:25]  Yeah, of course.
[01:45:26]  Beat my ass, but let me get 1 million views.
[01:45:27]  Jesus Christ.
[01:45:29]  But they like went nuts and I couldn't even understand.
[01:45:31]  They were like going crazy.
[01:45:33]  And then I was like, they accused me of saying something.
[01:45:35]  I was like, I didn't say anything.
[01:45:36]  What the fuck are you talking about?
[01:45:38]  And then I luckily I paid Kev to come out there.
[01:45:40]  Back then, I couldn't even afford it.
[01:45:41]  I was losing money.
[01:45:42]  But he came out there and he had it on tape.
[01:45:44]  And then they were going nuts on IG.
[01:45:45]  People were leaving hate comments on my shit.
[01:45:48]  An intermediary emailed me, you know, he was like, hey, man, I'm a fan.
[01:45:52]  I just want to know what happened.
[01:45:52]  This seems crazy.
[01:45:53]  I talked to him.
[01:45:55]  And then they said, the girls want you to apologize.
[01:45:58]  And I was like, yeah, if I said what I said, they can have the apology.
[01:46:01]  I'm going to send them a video.
[01:46:03]  And if I didn't say it, let's just leave it alone or something.
[01:46:05]  No, they said they didn't want to apologize on IG Live.
[01:46:08]  Fuck you.
[01:46:09]  But I was like, you're waiting for everybody to get an IG and just waiting.
[01:46:12]  Just waiting to do my apology at 2K.
[01:46:15]  I was at like 22,000 followers at the time.
[01:46:17]  You think you're gonna get off of me.
[01:46:19]  But I was like no, here's what i'll do if I said anything they are accusing me of saying online.
[01:46:22]  Here's a video.
[01:46:23]  If I said any of that, i'll apologize.
[01:46:25]  I didn't.
[01:46:26]  And then they just never reached out again.
[01:46:27]  They didn't take down any of their comments, which was kind of yeah, but yeah, I almost got killed there and I was like, for sure, don't around in St Louis.
[01:46:33]  Also, arm security, probably a good idea.
[01:46:35]  Yeah, I remember you calling me.
[01:46:37]  I was at my dad's place when he called me and that you were on, like not even on when you're.
[01:46:42]  My mom got a facebook message from some random person in St Louis.
[01:46:45]  It was crazy because the video involved or just people at the show, people that they knew in St Louis.
[01:46:50]  That dude, I was getting death threats.
[01:46:52]  I was getting like.
[01:46:52]  There were people at the show who told people it's not like this is those girls put it on ig.
[01:46:57]  They went on ig live.
[01:46:58]  Probably nobody watched and then they posted on ig.
[01:47:02]  They one of them was, this was crazy.
[01:47:03]  There was just like i'm gonna sue, i'm gonna lawyer.
[01:47:05]  I was a lawyer, like you're not.
[01:47:06]  You don't know the law.
[01:47:07]  If you think it's not like me back in college, oh lord yeah, but it was just like a 24 hours and people are like yo, your tickets aren't sold out to your next show, so it's gonna be packed with a lot of people.
[01:47:19]  Oh, and I was, and I remember Bob being like dude, just cancel the show.
[01:47:23]  And I was like, and then Andrew was like nothing's gonna happen and I was like Witney canceled show in Oxnar, which is kind of where i'm from.
[01:47:30]  Yeah, I don't know what she said.
[01:47:31]  She made a joke about Oxen and like people were up in comments that she canceled the show.
[01:47:34]  But I was like I feel like things might have been fine.
[01:47:37]  I don't know like, but if you, if there's a even one percent of you that has like a fear like oh, they don't, they don't, for the most part, have mental text or comedy clubs, there's 300 people out there like yeah, I don't want to be doing you know a joke.
[01:47:51]  And then they get it.
[01:47:52]  I don't know what's happening.
[01:47:53]  Dude, the girls got kicked out.
[01:47:54]  They didn't even leave the building.
[01:47:56]  They charged the stage, got kicked and i'm remember thinking, as they're charging the stage, i'm like oh, I forgot, St Louis is a city where you're not supposed to around?
[01:48:04]  Yeah, and this girl could absolutely beat the out of me.
[01:48:07]  She was a big girl dude on, three of them Kev, if i'm lying, please I?
[01:48:11]  I ask you, speak up.
[01:48:13]  These are three legit big people, more than male, female saying.
[01:48:17]  Or is it just too crazy to even it's?
[01:48:18]  It's not worth putting out there, because what I actually said wasn't anything close to it.
[01:48:21]  I don't even want to act like it was close.
[01:48:23]  I don't know how they even heard it, but somehow, whatever they got offended.
[01:48:26]  I think they were drunk.
[01:48:27]  And then they're upstairs yelling and I have to finish my oh also, as they're charging.
[01:48:31]  I'm like they could beat the out of me.
[01:48:33]  But I cannot back off, I cannot take, I cannot act scared on this stage, because I would rather die here than let these know how terrified I am.
[01:48:41]  So I remember just left, I stepped.
[01:48:44]  I stepped back for like a half a second.
[01:48:45]  I was like no, you gotta.
[01:48:46]  So I took two steps forward and then I was just talking to them like what are you even fucking?
[01:48:49]  What are you saying?
[01:48:50]  None of that.
[01:48:50]  What?
[01:48:51]  What the are you?
[01:48:51]  Yeah, as calmly as I could.
[01:48:53]  Then they get kicked out and I can still hear them yelling and I have to finish my set.
[01:48:57]  I have to do 40 more minutes with them yelling, which is obviously all we talked about right, but it was a crazy experience.
[01:49:03]  They're right up there's like upstairs they're not even out of the club getting kicked out of the club.
[01:49:07]  Downstairs showroom, upstairs, bar there's at the bar drinking, yelling at everybody about how crazy, how racist I am or whatever, and I was like I said nothing, like what are you talking about?
[01:49:17]  Yeah, but legit death threats in St. Louis.
[01:49:19]  You see motherfuckers wearing red.
[01:49:20]  I'm out at breakfast.
[01:49:21]  My mom sends me a facebook message.
[01:49:23]  She got from someone else.
[01:49:24]  I'm starting crying in The middle of the restaurant.
[01:49:26]  I was like what the is happening?
[01:49:27]  Yeah, because my mom did you remember my mom into this?
[01:49:29]  Yeah yeah, there was this time Um Schultz said something bad about Philly on a podcast and like Philly got really upset like the men, the I was even getting dms like yo, that guy like it's on site for him, so he was getting like real death threats and then he had a show coming up in Philly like in two weeks, and so this was a time, like you know, I was just out of law enforcement.

=== Death Threats in St. Louis (02:06) ===

[01:49:50]  I still had my piece, or whatever the case is.
[01:49:52]  So i'm like I came strapped to the show just in case of yeah and nothing happened.
[01:49:58]  He was good.
[01:49:58]  Yeah, it was actually uh Son who was like sending death yeah, sending Uh Andrew death threats yeah yeah yeah, god damn dude, but yeah, that's what i'm saying.
[01:50:14]  A place like We're like, ah, and then banded in New Jersey.
[01:50:19]  It is funny because they still have to pay for your ticket.
[01:50:21]  You know, that's like putting in their credit card information to go talk shit.
[01:50:24]  You know, you're still getting their money.
[01:50:25]  It's kind of funny.
[01:50:26]  Nobody's paying to go to a comedy show to attack you guys.
[01:50:30]  It's kind of crazy to pay 60 bucks to shoot somebody.
[01:50:33]  Yeah, you're going to be fine.
[01:50:34]  You don't need guns.
[01:50:36]  All right.
[01:50:36]  Well, I don't need one.
[01:50:38]  Yeah, he didn't.
[01:50:38]  You're on my videography.
[01:50:40]  Also, I fired guns in Vegas and it was fire as fuck.
[01:50:43]  We started guns in Vegas.
[01:50:45]  A machine gun in Vegas.
[01:50:46]  I was like, I get it now.
[01:50:47]  Yeah.
[01:50:47]  Thousand percent.
[01:50:48]  Like guys were all into guns.
[01:50:49]  I'm like, yeah, okay, find your father.
[01:50:50]  But now I get it.
[01:50:52]  Yeah.
[01:50:52]  You're like, the energy just fills your body.
[01:50:54]  Oh, so fun.
[01:50:55]  Crazy.
[01:50:56]  Just a fun time, dude.
[01:50:57]  Oh, we're shooting calibers and shit.
[01:50:58]  60.
[01:50:59]  We shot up our car.
[01:50:59]  We shot up our producer's car.
[01:51:01]  420 caliber.
[01:51:01]  I don't even know.
[01:51:02]  We blew up a car out there.
[01:51:03]  They put great.
[01:51:04]  They put one of their Patreon goals is they got X number of patrons.
[01:51:07]  I don't even know how much.
[01:51:08]  The Gabe, their producer, had like, I guess, kind of a beater car.
[01:51:11]  We're putting a yard.
[01:51:12]  We're going to destroy this thing.
[01:51:12]  It was just a running job all the time.
[01:51:13]  We just like, your car's shit.
[01:51:14]  We're going to blow it up one day.
[01:51:15]  It's like a joke.
[01:51:16]  And then we're like, wait a second.
[01:51:17]  There's places that do this.
[01:51:19]  Yeah.
[01:51:19]  We were calling all these places, but hey want to blow up a car.
[01:51:21]  And they let us do it.
[01:51:22]  Yeah, but it took like maybe like 10 phone calls.
[01:51:25]  Yeah.
[01:51:25]  The first 10, we're like, no.
[01:51:27]  Yeah.
[01:51:27]  You want to blow up a car?
[01:51:28]  We're like, yeah, it's for TikTok.
[01:51:31]  Come on.
[01:51:31]  But then we found a place and we got to fucking blow it up.
[01:51:33]  Gabe was the one who did it.
[01:51:34]  It was awesome.
[01:51:35]  But shooting guns, dude, I feel like if Republicans wanted more people on their side, just let everyone fire a gun.
[01:51:41]  Go to anti-gun rallies and be like, but have you tried it?
[01:51:44]  Yeah.
[01:51:44]  You don't have to shoot a person, but like, maybe.
[01:51:46]  And then liberals can let conservatives come inside of women and see how fun that is.
[01:51:49]  And maybe it'll be pro-choice.
[01:51:51]  Everybody's shooting.
[01:51:52]  Yeah, just shoot.
[01:51:53]  Let everybody shoot it.
[01:51:53]  What's better?
[01:51:54]  Coming in a woman or shooting a gun?

=== Blowing Up a Car Together (05:04) ===

[01:51:57]  Coming.
[01:51:57]  Yeah.
[01:51:58]  Something close.
[01:51:59]  Yeah.
[01:51:59]  Okay.
[01:51:59]  Maybe shooting a gun.
[01:52:00]  You don't have post-shoot regret.
[01:52:02]  Well, some people do.
[01:52:03]  Yeah.
[01:52:03]  I mean, shooting.
[01:52:04]  Shooting.
[01:52:06]  I caught myself.
[01:52:07]  Maybe you're out there shooting pumpkins.
[01:52:08]  You know, it's targets.
[01:52:10]  Yeah.
[01:52:11]  Yeah.
[01:52:11]  Speaking of pumpkins, you guys dress up for Halloween.
[01:52:15]  Great segue.
[01:52:15]  Great segue.
[01:52:16]  Thanks, man.
[01:52:17]  What's your constant?
[01:52:18]  Because I feel like you want to tell us.
[01:52:19]  No, I haven't.
[01:52:21]  No.
[01:52:21]  I don't know.
[01:52:21]  I just, I was wondering if you guys are doing your shop.
[01:52:24]  Probably for this podcast, we're going to do something, most likely.
[01:52:26]  All right.
[01:52:27]  You guys don't know what you want to do?
[01:52:28]  You guys want to dress up like Power Rangers?
[01:52:31]  I never put that much thought into it.
[01:52:32]  Me neither.
[01:52:33]  Bitches love Halloween.
[01:52:34]  Why is that?
[01:52:35]  I don't know, but I've had a show every single Halloween since my wife and I started dating, and I'm so happy about this.
[01:52:40]  It's great.
[01:52:40]  Oh, you have a show?
[01:52:41]  I love a shooting.
[01:52:42]  Dude, cannot take shows on Halloween weekend this year.
[01:52:44]  And I'm always like, okay.
[01:52:47]  Whenever I was dating somebody, she'd be like, oh, there's a wedding coming up.
[01:52:49]  I'm like, oh, I know, but the Des Moines funny bone really needs me.
[01:52:53]  Really need you?
[01:52:55]  Yeah, it's a commitment.
[01:52:56]  You got to honor the commitment.
[01:52:57]  Yeah, Valentine's Day, bitch, I'm in Cincinnati.
[01:53:00]  Can't do this day.
[01:53:01]  I don't think I can do it.
[01:53:02]  That's why you're single.
[01:53:03]  Yeah.
[01:53:04]  Yeah.
[01:53:04]  That makes sense.
[01:53:05]  Halloween.
[01:53:06]  Dude, but in a relationship, he's so committed, so in love.
[01:53:09]  It's fascinating.
[01:53:09]  I like FaceTime.
[01:53:10]  It's like, oh, I'm at a museum.
[01:53:11]  I'm like, it's 8 a.m.
[01:53:12]  Can't we?
[01:53:13]  Yeah, dude.
[01:53:13]  I was rollerblade with my ex one time when we were together.
[01:53:16]  Beautiful, man.
[01:53:17]  Okay, we come into the podcast guy, but what's you this week?
[01:53:20]  You'd be like, oh, this is rollerblade.
[01:53:21]  And I was like, who is this man?
[01:53:23]  Yeah.
[01:53:23]  Yeah.
[01:53:24]  It's fascinating, right?
[01:53:25]  It's crazy.
[01:53:26]  So you don't miss it.
[01:53:27]  Night and day.
[01:53:27]  Because here's the thing.
[01:53:28]  I want to find love, but I also like random scattered pussy.
[01:53:32]  So how do I, so how do I combat that?
[01:53:35]  Would you do it in an open relationship both ways?
[01:53:37]  Huh?
[01:53:38]  Open relationship?
[01:53:39]  Yeah, I love it.
[01:53:39]  Oh, this is what I want to pitch you guys.
[01:53:41]  But that's a porn star.
[01:53:42]  Date a porn star.
[01:53:43]  It's an open relationship.
[01:53:44]  That is true.
[01:53:45]  But it's not, but it's not open because can I fuck with you to fuck other people?
[01:53:49]  Yeah, that's cool.
[01:53:49]  No, great.
[01:53:50]  I'm into it.
[01:53:51]  Yeah, that's an open relationship.
[01:53:53]  And remember what I was talking about earlier?
[01:53:54]  Where I liked the videos?
[01:53:56]  Oh, yeah, dude.
[01:53:58]  They're unlimited.
[01:53:59]  Yeah, you strike me as a guy who dated a porn star.
[01:54:01]  Damn, I don't know how to take that.
[01:54:03]  Look at your hair.
[01:54:04]  No, That's not bad at all.
[01:54:09]  I think I might be into it.
[01:54:10]  You guys are both editing clips at the same time?
[01:54:11]  Yeah, perfect, dude.
[01:54:12]  Barnes and Noble.
[01:54:13]  She's like, I can't show this one.
[01:54:17]  Oh, this is what I'll pitch you.
[01:54:18]  So, how do you guys feel about it?
[01:54:19]  I know you're up because you're married.
[01:54:20]  You have a lovely, lovely wife.
[01:54:22]  My's engaged, so you might have to pitch.
[01:54:24]  Oh, you're engaged?
[01:54:24]  Kevin's super married.
[01:54:25]  Miles is single.
[01:54:27]  I got nothing.
[01:54:27]  Let me know.
[01:54:28]  What do you think?
[01:54:28]  You're engaged?
[01:54:29]  Yeah.
[01:54:30]  Congrats.
[01:54:30]  Congratulations.
[01:54:31]  I didn't know that.
[01:54:31]  Thank you, brother.
[01:54:32]  How long did you date it before you got engaged?
[01:54:35]  Three and a half years.
[01:54:36]  Three and a half years.
[01:54:37]  That's a long time.
[01:54:38]  Yeah.
[01:54:39]  How do you feel about it?
[01:54:40]  I feel great.
[01:54:41]  How did you engage her?
[01:54:42]  I'm doing crowd work now.
[01:54:45]  What's going on?
[01:54:45]  How did you propose?
[01:54:46]  I'm interested.
[01:54:47]  I don't know.
[01:54:47]  Okay.
[01:54:48]  We went to Mexico and it was like a planned thing.
[01:54:50]  I had some friends.
[01:54:51]  I had my mom.
[01:54:51]  Didn't tell any of us.
[01:54:52]  Fucking guy.
[01:54:53]  Wow.
[01:54:54]  Because they say shit on a podcast before it's supposed to be out there.
[01:54:59]  Right.
[01:54:59]  Yeah, but then you just don't tell Andrew.
[01:55:01]  You tell the rest of us.
[01:55:01]  There's only one of us.
[01:55:03]  That's the thing.
[01:55:03]  It might slip.
[01:55:04]  And then once he hears it, and then it's fucking blue.
[01:55:06]  Yeah.
[01:55:07]  And then I did it on a yacht.
[01:55:08]  It's kind of nice.
[01:55:09]  On a yacht?
[01:55:09]  Yeah.
[01:55:09]  Did you have hoes?
[01:55:10]  I had hoes.
[01:55:11]  That's so cool.
[01:55:12]  Who am I going to propose to?
[01:55:15]  My mom with the heavy.
[01:55:16]  Yeah.
[01:55:17]  You know?
[01:55:19]  They don't stay up in touch.
[01:55:20]  So this is what I wanted to pitch all this all the time.
[01:55:22]  All the single man.
[01:55:24]  Or the people that or the people that want to weigh in on this.
[01:55:28]  Do you think that you, do you think this type of relationship, I guess, could work?
[01:55:33]  You can be with your wife, right?
[01:55:35]  But you're allowed to cheat.
[01:55:37]  I just got high for sure.
[01:55:38]  I just got fucking high.
[01:55:40]  Good.
[01:55:40]  Good.
[01:55:40]  Then this answer would be great.
[01:55:42]  Okay.
[01:55:42]  And you're with your wife and she's lovely and you love her so much.
[01:55:45]  You guys have kids, blah, blah, blah.
[01:55:46]  But you're allowed to cheat once a quarter.
[01:55:52]  Why would every guy not be on board with it?
[01:55:54]  You have to sell the woman on this idea.
[01:55:55]  No, but the woman is allowed to cheat as well.
[01:55:57]  Oh, no.
[01:55:58]  All right.
[01:55:59]  Absolutely.
[01:56:00]  100%.
[01:56:00]  Just look at every basketball player.
[01:56:02]  Right.
[01:56:03]  I don't know if the woman is allowed to cheat.
[01:56:05]  I think they do that thing.
[01:56:06]  You say basketball players cheat once a quarter.
[01:56:08]  You mean like four times a game?
[01:56:09]  Exactly.
[01:56:10]  Yeah.
[01:56:11]  Yeah.
[01:56:11]  But yeah.
[01:56:12]  No, I think the wives kind of do that thing.
[01:56:14]  I've heard that as well.
[01:56:15]  Yeah.
[01:56:15]  So we hear the stories.
[01:56:17]  Oh, damn.
[01:56:18]  Yes.
[01:56:18]  So I have not heard about the wives.
[01:56:21]  That's troubling.
[01:56:22]  I hear the wives.
[01:56:23]  That bothers me.
[01:56:25]  I don't bother me.
[01:56:26]  I want them to do it.
[01:56:27]  They deserve it.
[01:56:28]  Yeah.
[01:56:29]  I'm playing.
[01:56:30]  Utah jazz.
[01:56:31]  I didn't even think about it.
[01:56:32]  Go fuck your P90S instructor.
[01:56:34]  Who cares?
[01:56:35]  Oh, no.
[01:56:35]  This is, I don't like this at all.
[01:56:37]  This, this two-way street thing is not, this should not apply to cheating.
[01:56:40]  One-way street.
[01:56:41]  So local road.
[01:56:42]  But don't you want your wife to be happy?
[01:56:44]  Happy, exactly.
[01:56:45]  Oh, hey, are we about to kiss?
[01:56:47]  Don't I want my wife to be happy?
[01:56:48]  Yeah, absolutely.
[01:56:49]  We're happy in a monogamous relationship.
[01:56:50]  But if I cheated, aren't you?
[01:56:52]  Yeah, absolutely.
[01:56:56]  It's cousin clickbait, bro.
[01:56:57]  Like a Lillian boy.
[01:57:00]  I don't know why he's antagonizing.

=== One-Way Street Cheating Rules (14:38) ===

[01:57:01]  And I know you're a little high, so that's why I'm getting.
[01:57:04]  Maybe.
[01:57:05]  I'm just fucking wrong.
[01:57:06]  But yeah, but the rules are.
[01:57:08]  You're going to sit better than like a Downs person.
[01:57:11]  Hold up.
[01:57:12]  Can't say that.
[01:57:14]  Yeah, we can on this pod.
[01:57:16]  Oh, you can?
[01:57:16]  Yeah.
[01:57:16]  A couple words will bleep out.
[01:57:17]  There's that.
[01:57:18]  Super Hollywood.
[01:57:19]  So they got all the PC shit.
[01:57:20]  No, Blau doesn't, dude.
[01:57:21]  He used to want to act, and then he was actively.
[01:57:23]  I remember having conversations with him, but he was like, no, I feel like I have to choose.
[01:57:28]  And then he shows stand-up.
[01:57:29]  He actively doesn't want to act.
[01:57:30]  Tells Dunn.
[01:57:31]  Tells him.
[01:57:31]  I'm done.
[01:57:32]  Trevor, you're hosting a show on Fox or some shit.
[01:57:35]  I'm doing a few things.
[01:57:35]  I'm kind of going through it right now, but at the end of the day, I like making my own shit.
[01:57:39]  I like getting the idea executed and put out the next day.
[01:57:41]  There's nothing better than that.
[01:57:42]  No one's weighing in on it.
[01:57:43]  Nobody weighing in.
[01:57:44]  No notes.
[01:57:45]  But yeah, I do want to try some of that traditional shit just to say I did it.
[01:57:49]  I would love to work to come to you about like specials on Amazon.
[01:57:53]  I got to plug that.
[01:57:53]  November.
[01:57:54]  No, it's fucking 100%.
[01:57:54]  November 14th.
[01:57:55]  Trevor Walls, Teradactyl on Prime Video.
[01:57:58]  It's a Prime original.
[01:57:59]  I'm fucking pumped on it.
[01:58:00]  Oh, so maybe that'll bring you some opportunities.
[01:58:03]  If my career stays the exact same, I'm fucking stoked where I'm at in life right now.
[01:58:06]  But I don't know.
[01:58:06]  I think a lot of cool shit.
[01:58:08]  I'm talking about a sketch show, especially.
[01:58:10]  Yeah, I would love to do that.
[01:58:10]  Because I have so many ideas that I want to do, but it's just like, I just, I get stressed out.
[01:58:13]  I'd be like, that's too many people I'd have to cast.
[01:58:15]  There's too much money I'd have to do.
[01:58:16]  It's like, let's shoot a sketch with us, dude.
[01:58:18]  Maybe we'll do that as the intro of the episode.
[01:58:19]  Al had that idea.
[01:58:20]  I would love to do that.
[01:58:21]  That'd be fun as fuck.
[01:58:22]  I have so many ideas that are scheduled.
[01:58:26]  Mom's come in, the lights come.
[01:58:28]  Yeah.
[01:58:28]  Handful of tit.
[01:58:30]  That's named my special hand.
[01:58:33]  And then the end tag is perfect.
[01:58:36]  Didn't say perfect.
[01:58:37]  It's so good.
[01:58:39]  No, they're great.
[01:58:40]  Wow.
[01:58:41]  Anytime I think about it, fucking perfect.
[01:58:43]  Bright down the bed.
[01:58:45]  Then you think about your mom's face.
[01:58:47]  Dude, I have my mama's yearbook underneath my bed.
[01:58:51]  Housekeeping is safe.
[01:58:53]  Why don't any of the pages open, Michael?
[01:58:57]  Pitch 31 and 32 together.
[01:59:01]  Holy shit.
[01:59:02]  But yeah, man, if shit happens, that'd be awesome, you know.
[01:59:05]  Because I feel like I've done everything I want to do on the internet.
[01:59:08]  I just want to challenge myself.
[01:59:09]  What's your love?
[01:59:09]  What's your favorite thing, though?
[01:59:11]  You got to pick one language.
[01:59:12]  I love making sketches with my friends.
[01:59:13]  What I love is like watching from behind the camera and watching my friends do what they do best.
[01:59:17]  And I'm like, that was a fucking test.
[01:59:19]  You're like, dude, you like.
[01:59:20]  So you're a cuck too.
[01:59:21]  Yeah.
[01:59:22]  Well, their dicks are bad.
[01:59:24]  Yo, you're a film cup.
[01:59:26]  Film cuck.
[01:59:27]  Film noir cuck.
[01:59:28]  Yeah.
[01:59:29]  I never thought about that.
[01:59:30]  Yo, you guys are a lot of.
[01:59:32]  Jar Sezi's a cuck.
[01:59:33]  Yeah.
[01:59:34]  All directors are cups.
[01:59:35]  They are.
[01:59:36]  Yeah, do it again.
[01:59:37]  They're so weird.
[01:59:38]  Damn, fucking, what's his name?
[01:59:39]  The Nickelodeon guy?
[01:59:40]  Bro, he loved the feet.
[01:59:41]  Oh, yeah.
[01:59:42]  So he'd be like, yo, Dan Snyder or something like that.
[01:59:46]  But there'd be, there's like compilations of like all the times he would like pull up feet shit on purpose and be like, run it back.
[01:59:52]  Oh, wow.
[01:59:53]  Whether they got their shoes off inside a mall.
[01:59:54]  I don't know.
[01:59:55]  No, you got to do that in private.
[01:59:57]  You got to do that.
[01:59:58]  I don't need that in public.
[01:59:59]  Trevor, you got some dainty hands, bro.
[02:00:01]  Bro, people be saying that.
[02:00:02]  I got small hands.
[02:00:03]  You know, the amount of times I've been on dates with girls, they go, let me see your hands.
[02:00:06]  I go, I am not fucking tonight.
[02:00:07]  Yeah, too, dog.
[02:00:10]  My girl Hannah Birder, she told me to mention that shit.
[02:00:13]  Oh, my God.
[02:00:14]  I love him.
[02:00:17]  Hey, if that, if that's what they did to each other, I appreciate it.
[02:00:19]  Yeah, it's not as bad as the tennis.
[02:00:21]  Yeah, that was.
[02:00:21]  But I'd be getting comments.
[02:00:23]  I'll be holding the mic.
[02:00:23]  I mean, I never look good on stage.
[02:00:25]  Oh, that's a great shot to me on stage.
[02:00:26]  And the comments are like, little dainty hands, petite hands.
[02:00:29]  They are.
[02:00:30]  Petite?
[02:00:31]  Like, it's a four-ounce steak, a little petite.
[02:00:33]  Do we all got small hands?
[02:00:34]  But this guy, Al, Al Dutton.
[02:00:37]  I can barely pull him a tennis ball.
[02:00:38]  You have normal fucking man hands.
[02:00:40]  My shit, little.
[02:00:41]  Yeah, same.
[02:00:42]  Yeah, I never feel good on a date doing this over the candle.
[02:00:45]  Being like, yeah, but the last date I was on, the girls were like, oh my God, your hands are.
[02:00:49]  I told you.
[02:00:49]  Oh, God, your hands are so cute.
[02:00:51]  And then we did it.
[02:00:52]  And I fucking scooching up.
[02:00:53]  Scooching up.
[02:00:56]  I don't know about my high-date craps, but I'd be so.
[02:01:00]  Oh, wow.
[02:01:02]  That's disrespectful.
[02:01:03]  That's crazy.
[02:01:05]  That's crazy.
[02:01:05]  That's why I don't like fake tits.
[02:01:07]  Implants, I feel like I'm rock climbing.
[02:01:08]  These things are too big out there because I got little hands and you just feel like.
[02:01:12]  Don't change the subject from the fact that you called your mom a little titty.
[02:01:15]  Yeah.
[02:01:15]  That's disrespectful.
[02:01:16]  She would agree.
[02:01:17]  We would never.
[02:01:18]  My mom got little fats.
[02:01:20]  No.
[02:01:20]  I mean, you're a little bit more.
[02:01:21]  Little titty big heart, though.
[02:01:22]  Huh?
[02:01:22]  Little titty big heart, though.
[02:01:24]  She's a lover.
[02:01:25]  Oh, okay.
[02:01:26]  My mom got a little heart.
[02:01:28]  That got a great heart.
[02:01:29]  Nice beef tits.
[02:01:32]  Oh, my God.
[02:01:33]  Oh, my God.
[02:01:36]  He's drinking water in both these cups.
[02:01:38]  That's what I mean.
[02:01:39]  I'm drunk.
[02:01:40]  Yo, Bob, pick.
[02:01:41]  I'm high, dude.
[02:01:41]  Come join me.
[02:01:42]  I am.
[02:01:42]  You don't think I'm drunk?
[02:01:43]  I'm two hinges deep.
[02:01:45]  Can't get over here and suck my dick.
[02:01:49]  That's a fire podcast.
[02:01:50]  You just say, get suck my dick.
[02:01:52]  That's literally plug talk.
[02:01:53]  Yeah, I know.
[02:01:56]  Do you think any king has ever canceled on plug talk and just look around the studio and be like, all right, which one of you PAs honey doesn't work?
[02:02:01]  Yes.
[02:02:02]  I can't believe that's a real show.
[02:02:04]  Crazy, that's the best.
[02:02:05]  Crazy.
[02:02:06]  That's what I want.
[02:02:07]  I can't believe the show that we do is a real show.
[02:02:09]  Like, you guys, fuck.
[02:02:10]  I know you fucked up.
[02:02:11]  We don't fuck the ball.
[02:02:13]  I hooked up with one or a guest, but I didn't have sex.
[02:02:16]  There we go.
[02:02:17]  See?
[02:02:17]  We just didn't have sex.
[02:02:18]  You hooked up with one guest.
[02:02:20]  You did, lady.
[02:02:20]  Yeah.
[02:02:21]  You didn't have sex.
[02:02:21]  He was a handsome shirt.
[02:02:22]  Yeah.
[02:02:22]  You said what?
[02:02:23]  You didn't have sex?
[02:02:24]  No.
[02:02:24]  What'd you do?
[02:02:25]  Just made it out.
[02:02:26]  It was just like a casual.
[02:02:27]  You were filming a podcast when you were 13 years old?
[02:02:32]  That's what John was saying.
[02:02:33]  I was like, what's what?
[02:02:34]  What's going on here?
[02:02:35]  So now, if he just hooked up, what do you think this guy is?
[02:02:39]  He's on toes, dog.
[02:02:40]  You never hooked up her podcast.
[02:02:42]  Not one time, man.
[02:02:43]  Dude, he has weird dick discipline.
[02:02:44]  I'm telling you.
[02:02:45]  When he's in a relationship, it's discipline.
[02:02:47]  Word discipline is very separate from work.
[02:02:49]  It's like they all come over.
[02:02:50]  We have a great time.
[02:02:51]  We laugh it off.
[02:02:52]  It's very late business.
[02:02:53]  All right, take care.
[02:02:54]  We'll send the clips to you.
[02:02:55]  Did you do a Dropbox or we transfer?
[02:02:56]  Has any of them tried to get at you?
[02:02:58]  That has to have.
[02:02:59]  So let me.
[02:02:59]  Because you had some baddies on there.
[02:03:01]  Yo.
[02:03:03]  So there's one lady on the podcast that should remain nameless that I actually shot my shot recently.
[02:03:09]  And we had a whole back and forth.
[02:03:12]  And then she just stopped responding.
[02:03:16]  Oh, wow.
[02:03:17]  Can you say the name when we bump it out?
[02:03:18]  I think I know who it is.
[02:03:19]  Yeah.
[02:03:20]  Can you leave it up?
[02:03:21]  Miles, Mark this?
[02:03:22]  Absolutely.
[02:03:22]  I caught you DM dirty.
[02:03:23]  Like, yo, don't respond to that.
[02:03:29]  Well, that is so funny.
[02:03:30]  Don't even thumbs up that shit.
[02:03:33]  Oh, my God.
[02:03:34]  It's going to haunt you for a life.
[02:03:36]  Oh, my God.
[02:03:36]  It's so fucking funny.
[02:03:40]  Yeah, just believe it.
[02:03:42]  I'll look it up.
[02:03:43]  No, no, we have to get like, these are like fucking lukewarm pictures at best.
[02:03:47]  Yo, just whoever's controlling the thing, just go to her, go to her Instagram, please.
[02:03:51]  Because these are crazy pictures.
[02:03:53]  Like, you're not representing the girl that I didn't get right.
[02:03:55]  Yeah, you're not representing a girl that goes.
[02:03:59]  That's a good guy, dude.
[02:04:00]  Yeah.
[02:04:00]  Would you ever be the guy in the videos if you never had to show a face?
[02:04:04]  Yes, 100%.
[02:04:05]  Really?
[02:04:05]  Dude, it's so on brand for me.
[02:04:09]  That doesn't even fucking matter.
[02:04:11]  One of my buddies got recognized.
[02:04:12]  I'm like, yo, is this so-and-so?
[02:04:13]  Because from the voice.
[02:04:14]  Wow, please.
[02:04:15]  Yeah, which is crazy.
[02:04:16]  I think you recognize it right now.
[02:04:21]  God damn it.
[02:04:23]  God fuck.
[02:04:25]  Yeah.
[02:04:27]  That's definitely fight about her.
[02:04:28]  Look at that.
[02:04:30]  Oh, my God.
[02:04:31]  That is the biggest compliment when people tack to your face on him.
[02:04:35]  That is crazy.
[02:04:36]  I mean, that's what kind of human beings are.
[02:04:39]  Everybody.
[02:04:39]  Okay.
[02:04:40]  God damn it.
[02:04:41]  Yeah, I mean, all due respect, please let me.
[02:04:45]  Never mind.
[02:04:46]  Just DM my man back.
[02:04:48]  Was it left on red or just no response?
[02:04:50]  Who got it?
[02:04:50]  Better.
[02:04:51]  Oh, kits, her or your mom?
[02:04:55]  My mom.
[02:04:55]  Yeah, they're just more nocturnal.
[02:04:58]  Not nocturnal.
[02:04:59]  Not nocturnal.
[02:05:00]  External.
[02:05:01]  That's not the word I want.
[02:05:02]  Look at the Tootsie Pop algorithm.
[02:05:04]  I don't know.
[02:05:05]  We have a lot of, what's it called?
[02:05:07]  Igloo Brothers.
[02:05:09]  Eskimo Bros.
[02:05:11]  Oh, I found out that I'm Eskimo Bros with Johnny Sins.
[02:05:13]  That was pretty cool.
[02:05:14]  Let's go.
[02:05:15]  That's the man right there.
[02:05:16]  Who is the girl?
[02:05:17]  Are we not?
[02:05:19]  We're not Eskimo Bros on anything, huh?
[02:05:21]  That's very that's what you think?
[02:05:23]  Hey!
[02:05:24]  No idea.
[02:05:25]  I have no idea.
[02:05:26]  I don't think so.
[02:05:27]  I don't think so either.
[02:05:28]  Wow.
[02:05:28]  I'm Eskimo Bros.
[02:05:30]  Your friend.
[02:05:30]  One of my buddies.
[02:05:31]  Yeah, like it's crazy.
[02:05:33]  You guys just like it switched circles.
[02:05:34]  It's just crazy.
[02:05:35]  But never, obviously never on purpose, but literally four different layers in this crew.
[02:05:41]  And he's like, he's his like really good friend.
[02:05:43]  I know him, obviously, but like not super well.
[02:05:46]  And it's just, we, we found out the same type.
[02:05:49]  Yeah.
[02:05:49]  Exactly the same type.
[02:05:51]  My mom's dude.
[02:05:54]  Has your mom ever heard you say any of these things?
[02:05:56]  No.
[02:05:57]  Because she came to a show and did you do any of them?
[02:05:59]  I have six minutes on how I want to fuck my mom.
[02:06:02]  A whole bitch.
[02:06:03]  Ring?
[02:06:03]  Whole bit.
[02:06:04]  That's a whole cober set right there.
[02:06:06]  Yeah.
[02:06:06]  And she's crazy and creepy.
[02:06:09]  And my mom, my mom came to a show for the first time.
[02:06:11]  She's never seen me to stand up.
[02:06:12]  I didn't tell you this.
[02:06:13]  She never seen me do stand up one time, and she thinks blows like the sweetest, most innocent kid.
[02:06:17]  It's so funny.
[02:06:18]  Yeah, man.
[02:06:18]  I'm not.
[02:06:19]  And she came to one of the shows, and there's a whole bit that I do that I obviously didn't do, but I did it in the special hilarious.
[02:06:26]  But I did it in the special.
[02:06:27]  Oh my god, dude.
[02:06:28]  Yeah.
[02:06:30]  It's gonna be very uncomfortable.
[02:06:31]  Nah, it's fine.
[02:06:33]  It's not no, when you do sex, all the sex shit in front of her.
[02:06:36]  Does she know that you're out here?
[02:06:38]  Because I always thought she thought you were just like the most innocent kid.
[02:06:40]  I mean, I did, I did the whole set minus that bit in front of her.
[02:06:43]  So she knows you're she knows.
[02:06:44]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:06:45]  Yeah.
[02:06:45]  She listens to the podcast.
[02:06:46]  She knows how much I love her.
[02:06:47]  Oh, she's not listening to Park.
[02:06:48]  You know, she's real.
[02:06:49]  She's not listening to Parkers.
[02:06:50]  His mom is the sweetest.
[02:06:51]  She's the sweetest woman in the world.
[02:06:53]  But here's the funny thing, man.
[02:06:54]  I think all of our parents act like they're super sweet.
[02:06:56]  They done Coke off anything.
[02:06:59]  You know what I mean?
[02:06:59]  Like, I know that you think your mom is sweet, but they, yeah, but they've done so.
[02:07:03]  My mom's from an Indian family that was so sheltering that she, maybe after marriage, they found my dad party, but I don't, I don't, not that I know of, but definitely nothing when she was younger.
[02:07:10]  And she lived in at home through I was made on cocaine.
[02:07:14]  You know, the story is crazy.
[02:07:15]  And my mom would act like she's never done anything.
[02:07:18]  Was it Thanksgiving?
[02:07:19]  It was Thanksgiving at my grandma's house.
[02:07:21]  They were both, my dad and my mom did a ton of coke.
[02:07:24]  I was like, cocaine on Thanksgiving.
[02:07:26]  I know.
[02:07:26]  I'm a crypto fan.
[02:07:27]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:07:28]  Oh, yeah.
[02:07:29]  So you're just going to have tober.
[02:07:32]  Yeah.
[02:07:32]  And they fucked and made me.
[02:07:34]  And I know that because my dad told me.
[02:07:36]  But my mom is like, oh my God, I'm just so.
[02:07:38]  No, you're not, Indones.
[02:07:39]  You got fucking nice, perfect tits, and you've done Coke before I was born.
[02:07:45]  And I might be a coke.
[02:07:47]  We make one of our mom's tits, but this is a bit on how to fuck my mom is where I drew the line.
[02:07:54]  But I do want to see your bob tits.
[02:07:56]  Yes, I'll show you.
[02:07:59]  Can you imagine if I should have a hell of nudes for my mom on my phone?
[02:08:02]  Nah, the bit is better if you don't know.
[02:08:04]  Oh, yeah.
[02:08:04]  Okay.
[02:08:04]  Yeah.
[02:08:05]  I mean, because imagine if you see her and then you don't think they're perfect.
[02:08:08]  Yeah.
[02:08:09]  Then it's not funny anymore.
[02:08:10]  Yeah.
[02:08:10]  You got to be envisioning perfect tits.
[02:08:12]  I've seen them.
[02:08:12]  They are.
[02:08:13]  Yeah.
[02:08:13]  There you go.
[02:08:14]  Yeah.
[02:08:15]  It's the same thing like how they didn't show Jaws for the whole fucking 45 minutes of movie.
[02:08:19]  Because in your head, Jaws is way scarier than it actually is.
[02:08:22]  You know what I mean?
[02:08:23]  Yeah, it is smart.
[02:08:24]  Yeah, that's a real story.
[02:08:25]  He was at a premiere in Dallas and with the shark.
[02:08:28]  And he was like, this is so bad.
[02:08:29]  I have to cut around this.
[02:08:31]  It's fucking embarrassing.
[02:08:32]  So they just made, they just showed the Finn the whole time.
[02:08:35]  Really?
[02:08:35]  Yeah.
[02:08:35]  Artos, what's your favorite position?
[02:08:38]  Bro, what position are you going to let me do this in?
[02:08:41]  I mean, what position are we doing this in?
[02:08:43]  It's my wife, so I feel weird saying her favorite position.
[02:08:46]  You see what I'm saying?
[02:08:46]  Yeah, 100%.
[02:08:47]  I have to.
[02:08:48]  Kama Sutra.
[02:08:50]  Oh, right.
[02:08:50]  Yeah.
[02:08:51]  What's your favorite position, Al?
[02:08:54]  I've gotten lazy over the years.
[02:08:56]  So I think I'm like Schultz.
[02:08:58]  On my back, it's kind of nice.
[02:08:59]  Oh, really?
[02:09:03]  Dude, on my back, I come hella fast.
[02:09:05]  No, but on my back, my girl comes all the time.
[02:09:08]  Really?
[02:09:08]  Yeah.
[02:09:09]  I don't have to do anything.
[02:09:10]  That's wild you're talking about your fiancé like that, bro.
[02:09:12]  No, it's not.
[02:09:13]  I like perspective.
[02:09:14]  I mean, that's good.
[02:09:15]  I make my fucking wife come all the time.
[02:09:17]  True.
[02:09:18]  That's what's up.
[02:09:19]  Maybe I'm going to have to do any work.
[02:09:21]  Maybe I'm just jealous.
[02:09:24]  See, what it is, is I'm just jealous.
[02:09:27]  That's beautiful, man.
[02:09:28]  Did it take you a while to figure out the come sequence?
[02:09:30]  Or you guys kind of...
[02:09:31]  Nah, we had great sexual conversations immediately.
[02:09:35]  And it's fucking awesome.
[02:09:37]  And so now I just know, like, when I get tired, I was like, okay, I know how to get you there.
[02:09:41]  Yeah.
[02:09:41]  You're done.
[02:09:42]  Now I'm done.
[02:09:43]  God, that's that sequence.
[02:09:45]  That's love right there.
[02:09:46]  That's the best, dude.
[02:09:47]  Get her off.
[02:09:48]  Then you can just come.
[02:09:49]  Yeah.
[02:09:49]  That's the best.
[02:09:50]  You don't got to think about baseball.
[02:09:52]  Nothing.
[02:09:53]  You don't got to pinch yourself.
[02:09:54]  It's perfect.
[02:09:55]  Nothing, dude.
[02:09:56]  Oh, with the porn star, were you super focused on not coming?
[02:09:59]  The funny thing is, dude, I was like, oh, I lasted.
[02:10:04]  I didn't have to do anything weird.
[02:10:06]  I don't know why.
[02:10:07]  For that chemistry.
[02:10:09]  You're like, hang out.
[02:10:09]  I was like, there was a lot of sexual.
[02:10:12]  To do porn, bro.
[02:10:13]  Like, it's just too much money not doing porn to do porn.
[02:10:17]  Yeah, it'd be kind of weird for me to do.
[02:10:18]  Here's the thing: if I started OnlyFans, I will rack.
[02:10:20]  That's what I'm saying.
[02:10:21]  Like, imagine you could just be like the Adam 22 of comedy.
[02:10:25]  Doesn't Tigers out here with OnlyFans answer rapping?
[02:10:28]  The funny thing is, it kind of does fit my brand where it wouldn't do anything.
[02:10:31]  It wouldn't fuck you up in any way.
[02:10:33]  If you're not trying to be out in Hollywood and on TV and movies and shit like that, this just helps your brain.
[02:10:39]  Well, you're on.
[02:10:40]  I got something to do.
[02:10:40]  It's called stiff socks.
[02:10:41]  Yeah.
[02:10:42]  It's good.
[02:10:43]  Let me call my assistant.
[02:10:44]  That's a valid point.
[02:10:45]  Yeah.
[02:10:45]  That's a valid point.
[02:10:46]  Yeah.
[02:10:46]  I'm high.
[02:10:47]  I'm only.
[02:10:47]  You are so hot.
[02:10:48]  I'm the only one high.
[02:10:49]  Everybody else is over.
[02:10:50]  He has a glimmer in his eye.
[02:10:51]  Yeah, he does.
[02:10:53]  That shit is acting.
[02:10:53]  Do you look happy?
[02:10:54]  I'm high.
[02:10:55]  No, it's beautiful.
[02:10:56]  Actually, it is.
[02:10:56]  I'm like, I see what your wife, I see what she's saying.
[02:10:59]  Thanks.
[02:11:00]  You have a nice, like, like, like, like a Buddha energy right now.
[02:11:03]  It's nice and it's nice and like caramello.
[02:11:05]  It's great for me.
[02:11:06]  Huh?
[02:11:06]  Weed is great for me.
[02:11:07]  It's like, it's a de-stressor.
[02:11:09]  I like it.
[02:11:09]  Do you sleep better with weed?
[02:11:11]  Like, do you smoke to sleep?
[02:11:12]  No, usually I will do it sometimes and it doesn't help a ton.
[02:11:16]  How would you sleep?
[02:11:17]  Because I know you were sleeping like shit.
[02:11:18]  It's gotten better.
[02:11:19]  It's not, it's still not good.
[02:11:20]  Have you done a sleep study yet?
[02:11:21]  As bad, no.
[02:11:23]  What do you haven't done a sleep study yet?
[02:11:25]  It's nice and that's like a time commitment.
[02:11:28]  I mean, all his relatives are doctors and he won't do a fucking sleep study.
[02:11:33]  What are you going to do?
[02:11:33]  Prescribe me Ambient?
[02:11:34]  I don't take that shit.
[02:11:34]  No, you don't have to do Ambient.
[02:11:36]  Just see what's happening.
[02:11:37]  Yeah.
[02:11:37]  But then what did they do with those results?
[02:11:39]  Yeah.

=== Pillow Talk and Weed Sleep (03:36) ===

[02:11:40]  What if the results just said jerk off?
[02:11:42]  I do that before going to bed.
[02:11:43]  It doesn't help.
[02:11:44]  You don't sleep well either?
[02:11:44]  I don't sleep well.
[02:11:45]  I don't sleep well.
[02:11:45]  You never sleep well in hotels.
[02:11:47]  But here we go.
[02:11:47]  Yo, I didn't realize.
[02:11:49]  That's another reason I slept so poorly last year.
[02:11:50]  When I'm traveling, I think I'm going to sleep well because I could black out the curtains and sleep in as much as I want to, and the whole bed is mine.
[02:11:56]  But I sleep terribly in hotels.
[02:11:58]  You'll find out a BBL sleep apnea and not know it.
[02:12:01]  Yeah.
[02:12:01]  Can I suggest something?
[02:12:03]  The pillow you have at your house, do you like it?
[02:12:05]  Yeah.
[02:12:05]  Okay.
[02:12:06]  So my suggestion, which I've been sort of doing, is I just bought, I doubled the pillow.
[02:12:10]  So I just brought the pillow now with me on the road.
[02:12:13]  So at least I have something, like some comfort from home.
[02:12:16]  I've actually thought about this.
[02:12:17]  I take two hits of vape pen, jerk my dick.
[02:12:21]  I know that.
[02:12:22]  I think it's my pillow.
[02:12:23]  I think it's the weed that comes out.
[02:12:27]  And I'm so homosexual.
[02:12:29]  I was like, you know what I've been thinking about this?
[02:12:31]  No, no.
[02:12:31]  He's like, I have five flashlights on my favorite porn star.
[02:12:34]  So I got to pick which one I want tonight.
[02:12:36]  What I'm saying is, what I'm saying is all the comforts from home.
[02:12:39]  So you have the pillow, which I think helps.
[02:12:41]  Two hits of the vape pen, jerk your dick into oblivion, and then and then wipe up and go to sleep.
[02:12:46]  I think all of it has been helping me.
[02:12:47]  I'm just saying.
[02:12:48]  Where do you put the pillow on the flight?
[02:12:49]  You're just holding it under your arm?
[02:12:50]  I put it in the fucking, what's it called?
[02:12:52]  Suitcase.
[02:12:53]  Is it a carry-on?
[02:12:55]  But no, I will, if I'm traveling, if I'm traveling, I usually carry, I have like a merch bag that's full of shit so I can just check it.
[02:13:01]  Don't you guys wear the same outfit every night you perform?
[02:13:04]  I do.
[02:13:05]  I don't.
[02:13:06]  Yeah.
[02:13:06]  Because if I want to, let's say I'm working on a bid and I add something to it.
[02:13:09]  The next show, I'm wearing the same outfit so I can just cut.
[02:13:12]  Oh, but have you ever posted a clip clip?
[02:13:15]  I've been doing so much crowd work, but there was a bit posted early on, a horizontal video where I was at a comedy club, thought of something like after the show, and I was like, Kev, this is why I have the idea.
[02:13:25]  And probably other people have had it, but for me, I was like, oh, I'm going to put that in tomorrow and see if anything new comes.
[02:13:31]  I'm wearing the same clothes.
[02:13:32]  And when we make this a bid, add that part to the bid.
[02:13:35]  It's when you're writing on stage, especially.
[02:13:37]  It was like a thing I was writing on stage about the city or something, but it was coming out as a bit.
[02:13:42]  Okay.
[02:13:43]  It was all just coming out in bit form.
[02:13:44]  You know what I mean?
[02:13:44]  And I was like, oh, this is a video if I want it to be.
[02:13:47]  Next day, I thought it's something.
[02:13:48]  I was like, hey, I'm adding that.
[02:13:49]  Put that in.
[02:13:50]  I'm not going to do this until I come back to the city.
[02:13:52]  So there's no chance to do it for two years.
[02:13:53]  Yeah.
[02:13:54]  Only going to get so good.
[02:13:55]  And then I was like, why don't I just do that all the time?
[02:13:57]  What makes sense?
[02:13:58]  Different undershirts.
[02:13:59]  Also, makes it easy.
[02:13:59]  You don't have to think about anything.
[02:14:00]  Yeah.
[02:14:01]  Oh, yeah.
[02:14:01]  You're done.
[02:14:02]  That's my outfit for the weekend.
[02:14:03]  Yo, you comfortable, bro.
[02:14:06]  I'm good.
[02:14:08]  I'm good.
[02:14:10]  The only thing I'm missing is my old pillow and a fucking bait pen and jerking all.
[02:14:15]  I ain't doing it for you.
[02:14:15]  What's your goals, dude?
[02:14:19]  You're not therapeutic over here.
[02:14:23]  We're going to have to switch sheets, too.
[02:14:26]  What's your goals, man?
[02:14:27]  You know what I mean?
[02:14:29]  Yo, Al, don't let Al shit on you for sitting vulnerable.
[02:14:31]  You got fucking nail polish on.
[02:14:33]  I'm so tired of these people.
[02:14:34]  That's how confident I'm going to feel, gay.
[02:14:36]  Huh?
[02:14:36]  That's how confident I am.
[02:14:38]  Son, style bend down now.
[02:14:40]  You ever lose?
[02:14:41]  You ever lose one of those in your wife's foot?
[02:14:44]  God damn.
[02:14:45]  I like that slot.
[02:14:46]  Nah, there's gel.
[02:14:47]  Joe stays off.
[02:14:48]  Oh, Joe says.
[02:14:49]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:14:51]  I'm not a cheap pump.
[02:14:52]  Respectually, I just fucking shoot, dude.
[02:14:58]  I don't know if my sentences are coming out completely at all.
[02:15:00]  Nah, you're talking like me that.
[02:15:02]  That's how I talk about the regular.
[02:15:04]  So what are your goals, man?
[02:15:05]  Where y'all at?
[02:15:05]  Y'all sober?
[02:15:06]  Me?
[02:15:06]  Got a little buggy going?
[02:15:08]  My shit, motherfucker.
[02:15:10]  That's not enough, dude.
[02:15:11]  Bumblebee.
[02:15:15]  I won't.

=== Confident Gay Energy Vibes (03:23) ===

[02:15:16]  We got a four loco.
[02:15:16]  You got a four logo on deck?
[02:15:18]  Come on.
[02:15:23]  These guys in Ford Loco and see what the fuck happens, dude.
[02:15:26]  Let's do it.
[02:15:27]  Would you actually take it?
[02:15:30]  Y'all bring it down?
[02:15:32]  Yo, we got to do a fucking patron.
[02:15:33]  Y'all better pull some shit under the couch.
[02:15:35]  It's going to be the best Patreon ever.
[02:15:37]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break real quick because you need to know about Keeps.
[02:15:40]  Look, this is not something I have to worry about too often because I have no testosterone.
[02:15:44]  I can't build muscle.
[02:15:45]  I look like an idiot.
[02:15:47]  But you guys, real men, two out of three of you are going to experience some form of hair loss by the time you're 35.
[02:15:53]  More than 50 million men in the U.S. alone suffer from male pattern baldness.
[02:15:57]  But if you have that, that issue, you know who you need to talk to?
[02:16:00]  You need to talk to Keeps.
[02:16:01]  They have more five-star reviews than any of their competitors.
[02:16:03]  It's simple.
[02:16:04]  It's affordable.
[02:16:04]  It's stress-free.
[02:16:05]  You get personalized treatment plans provided to you by a licensed medical provider, not some quack, and they're delivered straight to your door.
[02:16:11]  So you even got to go to a doctor's office and get all embarrassed with your hairline.
[02:16:14]  You just stay at home, order online, talk to a physician online, product comes straight to your door.
[02:16:21]  And it's easy to subscribe.
[02:16:22]  They subscribe.
[02:16:23]  So anytime you're running on the low, they just send you more.
[02:16:25]  They don't have to think about it.
[02:16:26]  It's just done.
[02:16:26]  One and done.
[02:16:27]  Very simple.
[02:16:28]  So if you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to KEEPS.com slash flagrant to receive your first month of treatment for free.
[02:16:36]  Again, that's KEEPS.com slash flagrant to get your first month free.
[02:16:43]  KEEPS.com slash flagrant.
[02:16:45]  Free.
[02:16:46]  Now let's get back to the show.
[02:16:47]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break real quick because you need a better for you adult beverage.
[02:16:52]  Look, if you're going to drink, don't drink some can of beer filled with a bunch of bullshit ingredients that you've never heard of, can't even pronounce, or some cheap ass vodka that's going to give you a crazy hangover.
[02:17:02]  You need June Shine.
[02:17:03]  They have tons of easy to drink to go adult beverage options.
[02:17:07]  They got margaritas, vodka sodas, rum cocktails made with premium ingredients.
[02:17:11]  And this is important, no added sugar.
[02:17:15]  Those traditional canned cocktails can have 20 plus grams of sugar.
[02:17:18]  That's a lot, dude.
[02:17:19]  That's damn near a can of Coke.
[02:17:21]  June Shine, no added sugar.
[02:17:22]  It's perfect for taking to the beach, Fourth of July, barbecue, whatever the day is.
[02:17:27]  You just take it out there.
[02:17:28]  You go into a ball game.
[02:17:29]  You want to tailgate a little bit right there, Juneshine.
[02:17:31]  They have flavors like passion fruit vodka, soda, Mai Thai rum, stuff that probably tastes great.
[02:17:37]  And best of all, Junshine does not leave you with that.
[02:17:40]  I just drank a lot of sugar feeling, and it gives you a light, bright buzz.
[02:17:44]  It can be found in over 10,000 stores across the country.
[02:17:47]  I'm talking Whole Foods, Target, Ralph's, Vaughn's, Albertson's, Kroger's, Wegmans, Total Wine, Bevmo, Safeway, and many more.
[02:17:55]  10,000.
[02:17:57]  And we worked out a special offer for our listeners.
[02:17:59]  This is actually a great offer.
[02:18:01]  At any store, you buy one June Shine package and you get the second one for only a penny.
[02:18:05]  That's $12 to $20 in value.
[02:18:07]  Go with the $20.
[02:18:08]  If you're Indian, that's how you do it.
[02:18:10]  I recommend buying one of their best, their best-selling variety packs.
[02:18:13]  You can see which one you like the best.
[02:18:14]  Great way to try all the flavors.
[02:18:16]  All you got to do is go to dunechan.com slash flagrant, text them a photo of your receipt, and they will Venmo you immediately.
[02:18:23]  Everybody likes getting a Venmo payment.
[02:18:25]  They Venmo you right away.
[02:18:26]  It's that easy.
[02:18:27]  Go to j-u-n-e-s-h-i-n-e.com/slash flagrant.
[02:18:32]  That's all you got to do.
[02:18:33]  Get yourself two cases.
[02:18:34]  J-U-N-E-S-H-I-N-E.com slash flagrant.
[02:18:38]  Now, let us resume the program.

=== June Shine Flavor Variety Packs (05:30) ===

[02:18:40]  I'm high, you guys.
[02:18:41]  What in the fuck?
[02:18:42]  You take five or ten?
[02:18:43]  Five.
[02:18:44]  But there's no place like hit or miss.
[02:18:45]  They're either like very cool for me, or I'm like, oh, hold up.
[02:18:48]  Feels like the AC is on my brain.
[02:18:49]  Yeah, dude.
[02:18:50]  These people who do like 200 is nuts.
[02:18:52]  I don't want to get there either.
[02:18:53]  That's why I try not to do it.
[02:18:54]  I've done it.
[02:18:55]  I did it last week and this week.
[02:18:56]  And even that for me is like.
[02:18:57]  Do you find any creativeness out of it or you just like the feeling?
[02:19:00]  I don't get creativity.
[02:19:01]  You know what I love?
[02:19:01]  That feeling when, and we can, we can roll if we want.
[02:19:03]  Are we rolling?
[02:19:05]  You can, whatever you need to do, Al.
[02:19:06]  I don't know.
[02:19:07]  But that feeling where you feel like you're detached from your body a little bit.
[02:19:11]  Okay.
[02:19:11]  I love that.
[02:19:11]  I feel like so not stressed.
[02:19:13]  I love that feeling.
[02:19:15]  I love just riffing with the homies when we all smoke.
[02:19:17]  We're all just going to add a bull.
[02:19:19]  That's like my favorite.
[02:19:20]  You feel like everybody's on the same wavelength.
[02:19:22]  Oh, see, I don't love.
[02:19:23]  Thank you.
[02:19:23]  Thank you.
[02:19:24]  I did Comedy High one time on 420 in Denver.
[02:19:26]  I'm probably going back to you.
[02:19:27]  But the crowd was high, yeah?
[02:19:29]  No, they were sober.
[02:19:30]  I was high.
[02:19:30]  And I did a shit.
[02:19:31]  And I didn't love it because you're like, you're a little slower when you're thinking about bits.
[02:19:35]  I would stumble over words here and there.
[02:19:37]  It's crazy.
[02:19:37]  I made one glaring fuck up.
[02:19:39]  I said, oh, that's standard.
[02:19:39]  You're almost on like autopilot.
[02:19:40]  Like your brain's just so locked in, you know what you're doing.
[02:19:42]  But like with weed, you're like, oh, wait.
[02:19:44]  Dude, that's what was killing me.
[02:19:45]  Is I would be like, focus.
[02:19:46]  You got this.
[02:19:47]  Because usually words are.
[02:19:48]  Your brain would just drift.
[02:19:49]  And then I'd be like, because I hate when I'm not present in the room.
[02:19:52]  Right?
[02:19:53]  That's that shit.
[02:19:56]  God, man.
[02:19:57]  I can't have that.
[02:19:57]  Turn your mic on.
[02:19:58]  So this is alcohol and caffeine, right?
[02:20:00]  Alcohol and caffeine.
[02:20:01]  And then you just fight a Walmart greeter.
[02:20:03]  Pretty cool.
[02:20:04]  But people do Red Bull vodka.
[02:20:05]  Sorry, why is that crazier?
[02:20:07]  They took the caffeine out.
[02:20:08]  The OG ones were like some insane amount of caffeine.
[02:20:12]  The OG ones, I mean, you could start a fucking Hemi with those boys.
[02:20:15]  Those things are crazy.
[02:20:16]  The OG ones, five-hour energy.
[02:20:18]  Yeah.
[02:20:19]  In that.
[02:20:19]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[02:20:20]  Dude, my buddy makes just like Ratchet ones.
[02:20:22]  He pours a five-hour in these.
[02:20:24]  Yeah.
[02:20:24]  And they just like.
[02:20:25]  Wait, he pours a five-hour because he wants to make the OG4 loco.
[02:20:28]  Oh, my God.
[02:20:29]  Yeah, he's looking to get arrested.
[02:20:31]  But yeah, I mean, they're like four bucks.
[02:20:32]  So you could go when I had a fake ID, I had a Florida fake ID, all my homies and I got one, and we'd just buy these because it'd be like $3.99.
[02:20:39]  And then one of these with the OG with the caffeine in it, that's all you need.
[02:20:42]  Well, you got a five-hour energy on you?
[02:20:44]  All right, it's okay.
[02:20:45]  Bro, you pour that in here.
[02:20:46]  I was going to say we go pour that in there.
[02:20:47]  Y'all go fucking.
[02:20:48]  Give me to the Capitol.
[02:20:49]  We're doing shit tonight.
[02:20:52]  Where's Nancy Pelosi's desk at?
[02:20:55]  I'll shit on it.
[02:20:56]  Can I taste it?
[02:20:57]  Oh, I see.
[02:20:58]  You never have one?
[02:20:59]  I have.
[02:20:59]  Oh, my God.
[02:21:00]  Dude, I used to have one of these and fuck a weird woman that used to light her entire apartment in just red.
[02:21:06]  I used to call it a devil bitch.
[02:21:08]  Devil bitch.
[02:21:09]  Very creative.
[02:21:14]  Dude, I don't even remember her name.
[02:21:16]  Son.
[02:21:17]  Just Chase Bod with this.
[02:21:19]  No, pour that.
[02:21:20]  There.
[02:21:20]  Oh, you want some?
[02:21:21]  Yeah.
[02:21:22]  I was getting in there, dude.
[02:21:23]  But yeah, high shows.
[02:21:24]  There used to be a show in LA at a dispensary, right?
[02:21:26]  Oh, I've heard about this.
[02:21:27]  And when I would smoke, I'm going to do it a lot, but the crowd was high.
[02:21:31]  I kind of liked it if everybody was high.
[02:21:33]  Because I feel like you could spitball a crazy premise.
[02:21:35]  Yeah.
[02:21:35]  And they'd be like, oh, I get that.
[02:21:37]  Yeah.
[02:21:38]  And it felt like very workshoppy, but like fun.
[02:21:40]  Okay.
[02:21:41]  Because you would just spit out half a premise.
[02:21:43]  Yeah, I don't feel that creativity thing.
[02:21:44]  I don't think.
[02:21:45]  Maybe because I typically do indica.
[02:21:47]  I think this is a hybrid.
[02:21:47]  Sativa's more like active.
[02:21:49]  It feels more like you're up.
[02:21:50]  But I think I've taken that once or twice and I still wasn't.
[02:21:53]  I didn't feel like super.
[02:21:54]  Sativa's gonna wear because you're just laying in bed trying to go to sleep, but you're just freaking on one.
[02:21:57]  Before I did the show, I did five milligrams sativa and then on stage, midway through my set, I was like, let's just take another two and a half because it's a 420 show.
[02:22:05]  Let me do it.
[02:22:06]  Brought y'all here saying, I'm like, yeah, let me get it fucking, let's go.
[02:22:09]  And then at the end of my show, this, we do like a little panel where the other comics come up and we do a question and answer.
[02:22:14]  Then I was free as fuck.
[02:22:16]  I think I was more funny.
[02:22:17]  Fun because they get to do most of the talking.
[02:22:20]  And then I just chime in every once in a while with like a crazy sentence.
[02:22:23]  And now we're having fun, but carrying, having conversations.
[02:22:26]  This right now, all my focus.
[02:22:28]  I'm focusing like it's my special.
[02:22:29]  Yeah, I was in Chicago and somebody handed me a joint with like maybe five minutes at the Vic on stage.
[02:22:34]  Go, smoke this, smoke this.
[02:22:35]  Everybody's chanting.
[02:22:36]  There's like a thousand people.
[02:22:37]  Smoke it.
[02:22:38]  Smoke it.
[02:22:38]  I am losing my mind.
[02:22:39]  Five minutes in.
[02:22:40]  I go, the rest of the set is fucked.
[02:22:42]  But like the last five minutes, before it's last bit, I'll do it.
[02:22:44]  And I probably took like three hits or whatever.
[02:22:47]  And I was like, oh, this, we're in.
[02:22:49]  Yeah.
[02:22:49]  And I was like, I got to finish this fucking bit.
[02:22:55]  Yeah.
[02:22:56]  I like lit the back end at first.
[02:22:57]  I'm so nervous.
[02:22:58]  I'm smoking on merchants, smoking on papers.
[02:23:01]  But I got through the bit.
[02:23:02]  But by the time I got back to my parents, I had the show, funny enough.
[02:23:05]  I'm talking to my parents afterwards.
[02:23:06]  I'm like a little high.
[02:23:07]  And I'm like, did you see the show?
[02:23:13]  But man, I just like, I don't smoke a lot, but when I do, I'll get affected by just a little bit.
[02:23:17]  So I was like, I do not want to smoke this.
[02:23:19]  Yeah.
[02:23:20]  But I clipped it great.
[02:23:21]  I have never wrote one idea that was remotely good when I was high.
[02:23:26]  Ever.
[02:23:27]  I can't.
[02:23:28]  You know how people like smoking like, oh, so crazy.
[02:23:31]  Kill that.
[02:23:31]  I don't.
[02:23:31]  Zero.
[02:23:32]  Nah, but sober.
[02:23:33]  You're kind of on 10 already.
[02:23:34]  Correct.
[02:23:36]  Yeah, I think that's what it is.
[02:23:37]  But yeah, when I'm high, there's nothing.
[02:23:38]  I can't nothing.
[02:23:40]  I don't know how to like harness funny when I'm high.
[02:23:43]  I don't either.
[02:23:44]  Do you get that?
[02:23:45]  I write some stuff down high, definitely.
[02:23:46]  Especially when I'm riffing with like just leaving home or something.
[02:23:48]  Yeah, that's what you're saying.
[02:23:49]  I'm watching like Animal Planet or some shit.
[02:23:50]  But yo, well, you never think about that.
[02:23:51]  You know, just like random shit like that.
[02:23:53]  But then I look at it the next day and be like, I don't know if that's a full baked out premise there.
[02:23:57]  Yeah.
[02:23:57]  You know?
[02:23:57]  It never makes any sense.
[02:23:58]  No.
[02:23:59]  No.
[02:24:00]  What's your favorite animal?
[02:24:03]  For some reason, koala just came into my head.
[02:24:06]  Koala required.
[02:24:07]  Yeah, they're just so happy.
[02:24:09]  They're so chill.

=== Koala Thoughts for Australia Trip (07:11) ===

[02:24:10]  But they got HP.
[02:24:11]  I'm going to Australia next week, October 22.
[02:24:14]  Trevor WilsonCommerce.com.
[02:24:15]  Cindy Brisbane, all the other boys.
[02:24:17]  Tickets are, could be better.
[02:24:23]  Hey, listen, we'll sell it out.
[02:24:25]  We'll get that.
[02:24:25]  Trevorw is Comedy.com.
[02:24:29]  I like the automatic.
[02:24:30]  It's like when people go, new tickets added.
[02:24:32]  No, they ain't.
[02:24:33]  They've been there.
[02:24:35]  Low tickets.
[02:24:35]  No, they're not.
[02:24:38]  Yo.
[02:24:38]  Yo, I love seeing the strategy people use to sell tickets.
[02:24:42]  It's great.
[02:24:42]  I won't point them all out because y'all might use them, but the shit is so funny.
[02:24:46]  Nobody pettier than comics, too.
[02:24:47]  Like people post like links.
[02:24:49]  Half people clicking our comments be like, how many tickets he sold in?
[02:24:52]  Oh, I see.
[02:24:52]  How many tickets he sold in Lubbock, Texas?
[02:24:54]  I don't think I do that.
[02:24:55]  No, I'll see if they've sold out sometimes.
[02:24:57]  And I'm even to people I like.
[02:24:59]  Yeah, I didn't know.
[02:25:00]  I was thinking you could like count the tickets and I was like, I don't know.
[02:25:02]  But like theaters?
[02:25:02]  But sometimes I would.
[02:25:03]  Theater will show you how many seats are left.
[02:25:04]  Oh, see, I don't know that.
[02:25:07]  But I, yeah, the people that I'm like, I love them, most of them, but I'm competitive with them.
[02:25:12]  Right.
[02:25:12]  Well, you just know they're competitive.
[02:25:14]  Oh, that's a big market.
[02:25:15]  No, they're doing their pastor.
[02:25:16]  I want to get like that.
[02:25:16]  People do that to me all the time, probably.
[02:25:17]  Like, this guy's doing that.
[02:25:19]  I have no problem with us being competitive is great.
[02:25:21]  We should all be competitive.
[02:25:21]  Of course.
[02:25:22]  When we're like doing shitty things, that's when it bothers me.
[02:25:24]  Right.
[02:25:24]  Like when you're doing that, you know what I mean?
[02:25:26]  When you're like, you're a best friend.
[02:25:29]  That's a horrible thing.
[02:25:29]  I'm a best friend of yours.
[02:25:30]  Yes, and I'm a good improv.
[02:25:32]  What a great horrible thing to do.
[02:25:33]  He's a great show.
[02:25:35]  And I never put it out.
[02:25:35]  If I was a piece of shit, that's 5 million views.
[02:25:38]  That's really.
[02:25:38]  He's back then.
[02:25:39]  No, not.
[02:25:40]  Oh, my God.
[02:25:41]  That would have been his biggest.
[02:25:42]  Yeah, that would have been his biggest clip ever.
[02:25:44]  That'd be my biggest clip to date.
[02:25:46]  I think you should clip it once this episode comes out.
[02:25:48]  But preference it up front.
[02:25:49]  Be like, I fucking crush.
[02:25:51]  And then play that.
[02:25:52]  Also, why is that video so embarrassing when you have a YouTube video called How to Kiss?
[02:25:56]  You know what I mean?
[02:25:57]  I would rather have 19 out of kisses, which is a true fact, than put that out.
[02:26:01]  You have 19?
[02:26:02]  Oh, dude, there's probably 20 of them.
[02:26:03]  And they all did numbers.
[02:26:08]  I'm not familiar.
[02:26:09]  You have a video how to kiss.
[02:26:11]  How to kiss.
[02:26:11]  There's probably fuck.
[02:26:12]  I'm not joking.
[02:26:13]  There's probably 20 videos and they have all done over.
[02:26:16]  It's not like his channel.
[02:26:17]  Like a company hired him to do it.
[02:26:20]  Who hired you to do this?
[02:26:21]  What was the casting process?
[02:26:22]  They were like...
[02:26:23]  Sounds very me too.
[02:26:24]  I'll make out with this papaya.
[02:26:25]  Sex Ed type shit.
[02:26:26]  They didn't even ask me anything.
[02:26:28]  They called me and they're like, hey, do you want to do this?
[02:26:31]  I said, yes.
[02:26:32]  Like there was no agent.
[02:26:34]  But this is early.
[02:26:35]  It was early.
[02:26:35]  I didn't have an agent.
[02:26:36]  This is before I even met him.
[02:26:37]  He filmed this video, I think.
[02:26:38]  Yeah.
[02:26:38]  I think.
[02:26:39]  Yeah.
[02:26:39]  Can we pull that up?
[02:26:40]  No.
[02:26:41]  Why the fuck are we putting up?
[02:26:42]  Man, how do you get any views?
[02:26:44]  Oh, yo, yo, you took that, dog.
[02:26:47]  Hey, I fuck bitches.
[02:26:48]  That was kind of, hey, watch this.
[02:26:50]  Oh, shit.
[02:26:50]  Son, you look more like James Franco even then.
[02:26:52]  Right here.
[02:26:53]  That's the most easily.
[02:26:55]  Look at that fucking tricep, dude.
[02:26:57]  Yo, camera weren't killing it.
[02:26:58]  They had the zoom.
[02:26:59]  Look at that.
[02:27:00]  Hell yeah.
[02:27:00]  She's in the middle.
[02:27:01]  She's in, dude.
[02:27:01]  She's in.
[02:27:02]  I'm way.
[02:27:03]  And then you turn away from it.
[02:27:05]  Yeah, I can't give her all to it.
[02:27:08]  But one of them has like 50 mil.
[02:27:10]  How many million views do we have?
[02:27:11]  6.8.
[02:27:12]  So many have so many.
[02:27:13]  Top probably only got like 34 mil.
[02:27:15]  Sorry.
[02:27:16]  I wish you could have plugged tour dates at the end of that.
[02:27:17]  That'd be fun.
[02:27:18]  Me too.
[02:27:19]  Wait.
[02:27:20]  Okay.
[02:27:20]  I'm so fucking confused.
[02:27:22]  This happened so long ago.
[02:27:23]  Some company, Howcast hit me up and they were like, you can be the comedic relief of these kissing videos.
[02:27:30]  In my head, I was like, oh, cool.
[02:27:31]  I'll just like, they'll do the demonstration and I'll riff, whatever.
[02:27:35]  And then when I got to the fucking studio, it was that.
[02:27:39]  And I was already there.
[02:27:40]  And I was like, and I was young in the game.
[02:27:42]  I didn't have the skill set to be like, yeah, this is not going to work for me.
[02:27:45]  But you didn't want anybody to run it past, you know, like manager or agent.
[02:27:48]  Correct.
[02:27:48]  You're like, oh, it's a day where I get to make out with somebody.
[02:27:50]  Correct.
[02:27:50]  It's a great gig.
[02:27:51]  So when I got, yeah, so when I got there, I tried to like say some funny shit here or there.
[02:27:56]  But I mean, it was literally just me doing that for the entire fucking time.
[02:28:01]  So it's just multiple takes of you make out one girl and then you try to give them one liner and then that didn't work.
[02:28:06]  It's like everything.
[02:28:09]  They cut everything.
[02:28:11]  You kiss the same girl.
[02:28:12]  Yeah.
[02:28:12]  Well, I mean, you want them to cut.
[02:28:13]  You don't want to give the bad kisses.
[02:28:15]  No, I'm saying cut.
[02:28:15]  Like I would say something.
[02:28:16]  I would try to like implement some type of funny and they were just like, okay, cool.
[02:28:20]  And then in the edit, there was no fucking funny.
[02:28:22]  It was all just me being like, yeah.
[02:28:23]  So sometimes when you're in locker room, you got to just kiss a girl, blah, blah, blah.
[02:28:27]  And you just kiss and whatever.
[02:28:28]  It was fucking horrible.
[02:28:30]  I literally had to, I had a lawyer reach out to them to take my name off of it because when you search my name, 19 videos will come up and not my website.
[02:28:42]  Dude, I found you got to run some targeted ads against that.
[02:28:46]  I mean, 40 16 year olds in your show is being like not now.
[02:28:50]  Dude, still to this day in the meeting greet, people come up and be like, so I was your first fan and not a stand-up.
[02:28:57]  I was like, what, from the howcast?
[02:28:59]  Like, yes, from the howcast.
[02:29:01]  And they would just walk away.
[02:29:02]  Kind of cool.
[02:29:03]  Yeah.
[02:29:03]  I don't want to kiss these girls.
[02:29:05]  They don't want to get kissed.
[02:29:06]  I mean, dude, when women hit on me in the meeting greet, it's so weird to me.
[02:29:10]  I don't know what the fuck to do.
[02:29:12]  What do you do?
[02:29:13]  I'm like, Phil, thank you.
[02:29:15]  Handshake on a list.
[02:29:16]  If you're telling me I'm good looking, you're a dude.
[02:29:17]  I try not to.
[02:29:19]  Try not to.
[02:29:20]  It's great.
[02:29:21]  What are you asking?
[02:29:22]  Ask him if you fuck fans.
[02:29:24]  He's like, I try not to.
[02:29:26]  That is so good.
[02:29:29]  See, now you're being real.
[02:29:31]  I'm still waiting.
[02:29:31]  I'm trying to wait for your real answer.
[02:29:33]  At least he said he hooked up with what parts are.
[02:29:35]  I'm still waiting for your real answer about your guest at a pod.
[02:29:37]  It's fine.
[02:29:38]  I've never seen that.
[02:29:39]  That part's never.
[02:29:41]  I know you haven't memorized at this point.
[02:29:43]  I've never.
[02:29:43]  It's fine.
[02:29:44]  It's good.
[02:29:45]  It's good.
[02:29:45]  It's fine.
[02:29:45]  No, he shot his shot at that one and then it didn't work out.
[02:29:48]  Yeah.
[02:29:49]  But who shot their shot at you?
[02:29:51]  From a guest on the show?
[02:29:53]  Yeah.
[02:29:53]  No one.
[02:29:54]  Dude, I'm telling you, man.
[02:29:56]  Like, I would be the...
[02:29:57]  Listen, I told I'm a cuck.
[02:29:58]  I told my fuck my mom.
[02:29:59]  You guys don't think I'll say I did this.
[02:30:02]  You haven't seen the generals of anybody in your podcast because I know that for a fact.
[02:30:06]  Zero generals besides Trevs.
[02:30:08]  You have zero.
[02:30:09]  Absolutely.
[02:30:10]  That's a lie.
[02:30:11]  Wow.
[02:30:11]  I know this.
[02:30:13]  You don't think you've seen Bobby Lee's dick?
[02:30:15]  I have.
[02:30:16]  Have you seen Bobby Lee's dick?
[02:30:17]  I have not.
[02:30:17]  He whipped it out.
[02:30:18]  I've seen Bobby Lee's dick.
[02:30:19]  I haven't.
[02:30:21]  I avoided it the whole episode I did with him, and then he sent it to me on a text.
[02:30:26]  It was kind of funny when you think about it.
[02:30:28]  Hilarious.
[02:30:29]  Yeah, but at the time, I was like, I didn't want to see this.
[02:30:31]  But I know you've seen Bobby Lee's dick.
[02:30:33]  He makes sure you see it.
[02:30:34]  Sure, I have not.
[02:30:35]  Then maybe Bobby Lee don't like you.
[02:30:36]  That's the turn to analyze.
[02:30:38]  Did he?
[02:30:39]  Whipped out is crazy for Bobby.
[02:30:40]  It was.
[02:30:42]  Yeah.
[02:30:43]  All right.
[02:30:45]  But Bobby knows that.
[02:30:46]  He's packing.
[02:30:47]  No, he's not.
[02:30:47]  He's a great guy.
[02:30:50]  I haven't.
[02:30:50]  I haven't.
[02:30:51]  You were sitting next to me.
[02:30:53]  All right.
[02:30:54]  No, Bobby Lee.
[02:30:55]  Wait.
[02:30:56]  What happened after that?
[02:30:57]  You had to channel that out.
[02:30:58]  He's like, it's a traumatic.
[02:31:00]  So Bobby Lee's for sure.
[02:31:01]  But like for, I'm talking about like for like female guests, never.
[02:31:04]  I've never hooked up with a female guest.
[02:31:06]  Actually, let me take this step back.
[02:31:09]  Yeah.
[02:31:10]  There was one Patreon where I'll let you go for it.
[02:31:13]  There was a Patreon episode that it was essentially like, let me.
[02:31:16]  Because, you know, sometimes during the podcast, I talk a big game.
[02:31:19]  So essentially, we're like, sometimes.

=== Bobby Lee's Packing Secrets (10:45) ===

[02:31:21]  Hold up.
[02:31:23]  So we brought a lady on that I have fornications with to essentially.
[02:31:27]  It was almost like pandemic times.
[02:31:29]  Like he was constantly hooking up with his girl pretty steady.
[02:31:32]  And then like jokingly, like mentioning that.
[02:31:34]  And I think she reached out and was like, I would do it.
[02:31:36]  Yeah.
[02:31:37]  And then she came on and she backed you for a lot of it.
[02:31:41]  But then she was like, oh shit.
[02:31:42]  She told me that she would love if I went down on her mother.
[02:31:47]  Oh, yeah.
[02:31:47]  It was hilarious.
[02:31:48]  Yeah.
[02:31:48]  And I like a good go down, but sometimes I don't.
[02:31:52]  Do you like a good go-down?
[02:31:53]  With my wife, yes, I do.
[02:31:55]  All right.
[02:31:55]  I don't like this.
[02:31:56]  Can y'all be more single?
[02:31:58]  That's fucking stupid.
[02:32:01]  Back in the day, back in the day, it's like, nah, if I didn't, if there was no romantic connection, I would never.
[02:32:07]  Don't download one night stand.
[02:32:10]  I don't know if you've been playing tennis.
[02:32:12]  Who knows what you've been doing?
[02:32:14]  You know, you can taste it.
[02:32:15]  That's true.
[02:32:16]  Wilson?
[02:32:17]  I will.
[02:32:20]  But I will say, recently, in the last maybe year, I've been going down.
[02:32:25]  I've been going to it.
[02:32:26]  And I'm going down under Australia, October 25th.
[02:32:31]  But on one-night stands or, yeah.
[02:32:34]  That's crazy.
[02:32:35]  To just meant.
[02:32:36]  He's trying to get some bumps on your lips.
[02:32:39]  You're one mojito deep and you have what else?
[02:32:41]  Yeah, I have.
[02:32:42]  Yeah.
[02:32:42]  Yeah.
[02:32:43]  I have.
[02:32:43]  Lickety lick.
[02:32:44]  Hey.
[02:32:45]  Come over here.
[02:32:46]  I didn't think about it.
[02:32:47]  You try to build a reputation out in the city.
[02:32:49]  He's like, let them know.
[02:32:51]  Let them know.
[02:32:51]  You're building back from what she said.
[02:32:54]  Right.
[02:32:54]  I see.
[02:32:54]  Okay.
[02:32:55]  Right.
[02:32:55]  It's like nobody works out legs more than somebody goes, yo, you skip leg day?
[02:32:58]  That guy hitting legs in the gym the next day.
[02:33:00]  100%.
[02:33:01]  That girl being like, you don't eat it.
[02:33:02]  What somebody is New York hoes.
[02:33:04]  Anybody know?
[02:33:05]  I've heard.
[02:33:06]  They're flying everywhere.
[02:33:07]  Flip-flip.
[02:33:08]  Every street corner.
[02:33:09]  Every street corner.
[02:33:10]  Live royal.
[02:33:11]  It's so swept on.
[02:33:12]  I love it.
[02:33:12]  Like, New York women are way harder than LA women.
[02:33:15]  I completely agree.
[02:33:16]  I'm fixing for the city.
[02:33:17]  I might move it.
[02:33:18]  I think if I think.
[02:33:19]  Thank you.
[02:33:20]  Oh, man.
[02:33:20]  Let me slap those dainty-ass heads.
[02:33:27]  It's all good.
[02:33:29]  It's all good.
[02:33:30]  It's all the fucking.
[02:33:30]  Let's keep the fuck going.
[02:33:32]  Yeah.
[02:33:33]  Somebody when I get whimpered.
[02:33:36]  Did you finish that sentence?
[02:33:39]  Somebody needs to be able to get it.
[02:33:40]  Walk that walk.
[02:33:42]  And you're like, you can spit on me and I'd be like, about time.
[02:33:45]  Yeah.
[02:33:45]  New York girls, I think, are hotter than LA.
[02:33:47]  I think if you're into white women, maybe LA is more.
[02:33:50]  Even though they got hot Latinas out there, but they got them here.
[02:33:52]  Yeah, but New York, I mean, LA, they try too hard.
[02:33:54]  They are like trying to be seen.
[02:33:56]  They're trying to like, they're walking out in the most skimpy.
[02:34:00]  Show all models are trying hard.
[02:34:02]  I still love LA women.
[02:34:03]  You kind of just look fly.
[02:34:04]  We've all traveled this country.
[02:34:06]  Yeah.
[02:34:07]  Yeah.
[02:34:07]  And New York is the best.
[02:34:09]  We probably walked, what, like seven blocks to get here?
[02:34:11]  In each block, Michael Arbit, yo.
[02:34:14]  Yo, yo, it's insane.
[02:34:15]  But you know, a city I was impressed by, and I guess I'd always heard it when I was in college.
[02:34:19]  Cincinnati.
[02:34:21]  Never.
[02:34:23]  He must have had a nice one in Cincinnati.
[02:34:26]  I got a hot cousin from Cincinnati, though.
[02:34:28]  Dude, what the fuck?
[02:34:28]  Oh, good save.
[02:34:29]  Good sense.
[02:34:30]  Oh, yeah.
[02:34:30]  Nah, his cousin's kind of.
[02:34:32]  Yeah.
[02:34:32]  Like, yeah.
[02:34:33]  He would turn you.
[02:34:33]  And you're already turned.
[02:34:35]  But you would go 360.
[02:34:36]  You go back normal.
[02:34:38]  Yeah.
[02:34:39]  My wedding.
[02:34:39]  He was one of my groomsmen with you.
[02:34:41]  Bet.
[02:34:41]  So, yeah.
[02:34:42]  Yeah.
[02:34:42]  He's just a totsie.
[02:34:43]  Yeah.
[02:34:44]  Yeah.
[02:34:44]  But take those fancy fingernails and throw it in there.
[02:34:49]  He might get one.
[02:34:50]  He can get one.
[02:34:51]  He deserves it.
[02:34:52]  He can get one.
[02:34:54]  Austin.
[02:34:55]  Oh, Austin's good.
[02:34:56]  Really hot girls.
[02:34:57]  And I noticed they're often with really unattractive guys.
[02:34:59]  I'm out.
[02:34:59]  It's too hot there.
[02:35:00]  He's been with one woman in his life.
[02:35:01]  He don't get it.
[02:35:02]  Austin.
[02:35:03]  No, Austin don't got it.
[02:35:04]  No, when was the last time you were there?
[02:35:06]  I'm there.
[02:35:07]  Like, they don't got it.
[02:35:09]  Dude, we did a show.
[02:35:10]  What was it?
[02:35:10]  March?
[02:35:11]  No, June.
[02:35:11]  Oh, last year.
[02:35:12]  And I would see beautiful girls would just like troll men.
[02:35:15]  And I was like, this, I would have been king here.
[02:35:21]  Yeah, this is my kind of city.
[02:35:23]  This is my kind of land.
[02:35:24]  Well, that's like the Midwest, too.
[02:35:26]  Yeah.
[02:35:26]  You know what?
[02:35:27]  Why got hoes?
[02:35:28]  Madison.
[02:35:30]  Wisconsin.
[02:35:30]  Someone please back me up here.
[02:35:31]  Madison, South Carolina.
[02:35:32]  Madison, Wisconsin.
[02:35:34]  Got hoes.
[02:35:35]  I mean, all college toes.
[02:35:39]  Underneath the Parkers and all his coats and shit like that.
[02:35:42]  Yeah, there's a bad thing.
[02:35:43]  I don't know.
[02:35:43]  I've been in college town.
[02:35:44]  Like Ann Arbor, Madison, Big 12 schools, Big Ten schools, SX.
[02:35:48]  Yeah.
[02:35:49]  Not San Jose State.
[02:35:50]  I don't think that much.
[02:35:51]  Fives, though.
[02:35:51]  So Ghostbusters.
[02:35:52]  Do you like fives?
[02:35:54]  What the fuck did Al say?
[02:35:55]  I didn't hear him.
[02:35:56]  He said you like fives.
[02:35:57]  Fuck.
[02:35:58]  We have a conversion scale.
[02:35:59]  Miles, you just reduce the number in half.
[02:36:02]  So a miles 10 is a five.
[02:36:03]  Oh, that's so shitty.
[02:36:06]  But like, what's an example?
[02:36:07]  Can you put like who's yours?
[02:36:09]  I never call a girl Miles 10.
[02:36:10]  How about you tell us a miles 10?
[02:36:12]  Also, I never call a girl Miles 10.
[02:36:13]  That's Mark's term.
[02:36:14]  So let's be honest.
[02:36:15]  And when you don't say who like a fit to him, are we saying like a famous person?
[02:36:18]  No, no, no.
[02:36:19]  Like just send me famous so they can understand the real.
[02:36:21]  Is there like a photo we can see?
[02:36:24]  Fuck, I don't actually say Roseanne Barr.
[02:36:27]  Nah, like they chick from Harry Potter.
[02:36:30]  That's like a 10 for you, right?
[02:36:31]  Yeah.
[02:36:33]  She's rose, she's so high.
[02:36:35]  No, but that's not a 10, but that's a 10 for her.
[02:36:36]  Oh, that's not a 10, but she's bad as fuck.
[02:36:38]  But that's a 10 for him.
[02:36:40]  She's like, she's so hot.
[02:36:43]  That's what I'm saying.
[02:36:44]  So that's why he has a different scale.
[02:36:46]  Everybody said she's, and you're just like, no, that's this is a better example out there.
[02:36:49]  No, is she a 10?
[02:36:51]  No.
[02:36:52]  Is she a 10?
[02:36:53]  I love all women.
[02:36:54]  Yeah.
[02:36:54]  Thank you.
[02:36:55]  She's hot.
[02:36:55]  Thank you.
[02:36:57]  I think she's gorgeous.
[02:36:58]  No, she's gorgeous.
[02:36:59]  She's wide.
[02:37:00]  But she's not a 10.
[02:37:01]  Yeah, but I'm like a six.
[02:37:01]  So who am I to be like, that's not a 10?
[02:37:03]  That's true.
[02:37:04]  A man?
[02:37:04]  That's not true.
[02:37:07]  Hey, first of all, you're not a six, man.
[02:37:08]  I hate when you talk about rich.
[02:37:10]  But that's what you're doing.
[02:37:11]  And you're rich, dude.
[02:37:13]  Yeah.
[02:37:13]  I can't say the last word, but yeah.
[02:37:15]  Nah, they do that.
[02:37:16]  It's like, I'm pretty, so I got to like say I'm when do you think you're at?
[02:37:20]  Bruh.
[02:37:22]  Six, seven.
[02:37:23]  If you had no success, four?
[02:37:26]  I'm asking now.
[02:37:27]  Like, how broke am I?
[02:37:29]  You make $30,000 a year.
[02:37:31]  You work at fucking GameStop.
[02:37:32]  Nobody's a 10.
[02:37:33]  Actually, some dudes are 10, but most dudes are not.
[02:37:35]  If you're not fucking gorgeous, that's also true.
[02:37:38]  Huh?
[02:37:39]  No, that's true.
[02:37:40]  Mom's trying to get our attention together.
[02:37:44]  I was going for yourself saying, okay, I get it.
[02:37:46]  Yeah, but if you're not a 10 as a dude who's broke, you're a four.
[02:37:51]  They're what I'm saying.
[02:37:52]  I hear you.
[02:37:53]  But if you're gorgeous, it don't matter how much money you make.
[02:37:55]  You could fuck for a home.
[02:37:56]  Yeah, like, but if you're not.
[02:37:58]  Prison Bay got a fucking billionaire just because he was that if you're that level, it don't matter.
[02:38:03]  But if you're just like a good-looking guy and you're broke, it don't fucking matter.
[02:38:07]  You're not good-looking to these girls.
[02:38:09]  If you're gorgeous, it don't matter at all.
[02:38:11]  It is interesting because it's very age-appropriate, right?
[02:38:14]  So if you're like hot, but you don't have an ancient, if you have an ancient job, but you're hot.
[02:38:19]  If you're like 22, it doesn't matter.
[02:38:21]  It doesn't matter.
[02:38:22]  But once you hit like 30, if you're hot and you have an ancient job, that hotness starts to wear thin very fast.
[02:38:30]  Yeah.
[02:38:31]  Same for a woman.
[02:38:33]  Huh?
[02:38:34]  Same for a woman.
[02:38:36]  What does that mean?
[02:38:36]  What do you mean?
[02:38:37]  If a woman is broke, you don't find her hot?
[02:38:39]  That's the gayest thing you've ever said on a podcast and you have pain in nails right now.
[02:38:43]  I mean, yeah, no, I'm standing on that.
[02:38:45]  Yeah.
[02:38:45]  Like, if you're 30 and you're hot, but you have shit going for you, you're less attractive than a 22-year-old who's hot and doesn't have shit going on.
[02:38:52]  You know what?
[02:38:53]  Yeah, that's fair.
[02:38:53]  I was so off board, but I'm back on board.
[02:38:55]  There you go.
[02:38:56]  Yeah, that makes sense.
[02:38:57]  Glad I stand on that.
[02:38:59]  I didn't feel comfortable.
[02:39:00]  Yeah, specifically money.
[02:39:01]  I was like, no, that's crazy.
[02:39:02]  Nah, you only got shit going for yourself and you're 30, but you're still hot.
[02:39:05]  It's like, yeah.
[02:39:06]  Yeah, you're just some dumb useless bitch.
[02:39:07]  Maybe a 22-year-old shit going for you.
[02:39:09]  I expect you not to have shit going for you.
[02:39:11]  I'm trying to figure out.
[02:39:12]  I'm 30 with nothing going on.
[02:39:13]  It's like crazy.
[02:39:14]  What are you doing?
[02:39:15]  Yeah.
[02:39:15]  No, I'm with you.
[02:39:16]  You got three cats.
[02:39:19]  Yo, dude.
[02:39:21]  If a woman gets a cat and she's single, I start looking at her like, it's going bad for you, huh?
[02:39:26]  That's me.
[02:39:27]  That's me.
[02:39:27]  I'm a single man with a cat.
[02:39:29]  You're a man.
[02:39:30]  That's just gay.
[02:39:33]  That is super fucking gay.
[02:39:34]  I mean, you see the corner one.
[02:39:35]  You see what it is?
[02:39:36]  They're in the Hollywood ecosystem.
[02:39:38]  It's wildly homosexual to be a single man with a cat.
[02:39:40]  Okay, if it makes it any better, I had a girlfriend.
[02:39:42]  We got the cat together.
[02:39:43]  Broke up.
[02:39:44]  Then I got joint.
[02:39:45]  I got the custody of the cat.
[02:39:46]  She took everything else.
[02:39:48]  But I got the cat.
[02:39:48]  You started with joint, and then all of a sudden, now it's just yours.
[02:39:51]  No, he mine.
[02:39:52]  He mine.
[02:39:53]  So you wanted that.
[02:39:54]  You fought that.
[02:39:55]  That's crazy.
[02:39:55]  It was a present to me.
[02:39:56]  That's crazy, but here's your Christmas gift.
[02:39:58]  Mine now, bitch.
[02:39:59]  That's also true.
[02:40:00]  The girl should get the cat.
[02:40:01]  So that was like a huge shit.
[02:40:05]  Yeah, it was a...
[02:40:06]  We're on great terms now, but it was a messy breakup at the time.
[02:40:09]  She's like, I'll take the $5,000 couch.
[02:40:11]  You can have the cat.
[02:40:12]  What about you?
[02:40:14]  Damn.
[02:40:15]  Down bad.
[02:40:15]  That couch was five grand.
[02:40:17]  Five grand.
[02:40:18]  Couches be expensive.
[02:40:21]  Because we just got one.
[02:40:23]  You're that bitch on Facebook Marketplace.
[02:40:25]  Yeah, dude.
[02:40:25]  She got bed bugs.
[02:40:26]  Crazy shit.
[02:40:27]  Son, please don't do it.
[02:40:30]  See, this guy sold out to Wilbur twice, and he's still so fucking stingy.
[02:40:34]  Bro, he texted me the other day.
[02:40:35]  He goes, these two girls want to come to my show.
[02:40:36]  Do I comp them?
[02:40:37]  I was like, yeah, what?
[02:40:38]  He goes, that's money to take away from me.
[02:40:40]  I was like, what do you mean?
[02:40:41]  That is true.
[02:40:42]  I believe that.
[02:40:42]  I can't, dude.
[02:40:43]  I can't get away from this mindset, dude.
[02:40:45]  Nah.
[02:40:46]  I can't get away from it.
[02:40:48]  What the fuck?
[02:40:49]  Is this genetic?
[02:40:50]  How?
[02:40:50]  You know, you're like, a real answer?
[02:40:52]  The real answer is I had $0 four years ago.
[02:40:55]  There's a lot of people who had zero dollars.
[02:40:57]  Tell them how.
[02:40:57]  There's a lot of people who had zero dollars who aren't as cheap.
[02:41:00]  Well, they're stupid.
[02:41:02]  They're dumb people, but that's and they're gonna, they're gonna have zero dollars in six years.
[02:41:05]  Me, I'm like, I had zero dollars in four years.
[02:41:08]  Now I have money.
[02:41:09]  I'm gonna, I, I'm gonna keep money.
[02:41:12]  It's good.
[02:41:12]  I'm gonna keep this.
[02:41:13]  I don't wanna, I don't wanna fucking ball out and get a goddamn Gucci blah, Nobody's asking you to do that.
[02:41:18]  Okay.
[02:41:19]  Nobody's asking you to comp girls who want to come to your show that you're interested in.
[02:41:24]  No, that's like 60 bucks.
[02:41:26]  I don't even, dude, I can respect the idea, but you hold on to money so tight, it's crazy.
[02:41:30]  He'll be like, I haven't slept in four days.
[02:41:32]  I'm just editing this thing.
[02:41:33]  And I'll be like, why don't you just outsource that?
[02:41:35]  And you'll be like, God, I don't know, man.
[02:41:36]  It's like 80 bucks.
[02:41:37]  It'll be shit like that.
[02:41:39]  And I'll be like, what do you, what the fuck is that?
[02:41:41]  Listen, you guys are right.
[02:41:48]  Oh, and it doesn't exist.
[02:41:51]  It's not.
[02:41:51]  No.
[02:41:53]  It exists.
[02:41:54]  He's not packing like that.
[02:41:55]  He's just big.
[02:41:56]  But I can get him a gun license.
[02:41:57]  He get one big country motherfucking would you get a gun license kev?
[02:42:01]  Would I?
[02:42:02]  Yeah, I would.
[02:42:03]  Oh man, how much how much is he paying?
[02:42:04]  Y'all double it.

=== The System of Cheap Tipping (14:30) ===

[02:42:07]  Can I tell you something?
[02:42:08]  No, he won't.
[02:42:10]  Also, no, he won't.
[02:42:12]  I will not.
[02:42:13]  Hey, I'll lower it.
[02:42:15]  But it'll give you a gun.
[02:42:17]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:42:18]  Listen, I just, there is a lot of fear in not having money again.
[02:42:23]  And I think that my mindset is still stuck four years ago.
[02:42:25]  Have you talked on publicly about like how broke you are?
[02:42:29]  Everything.
[02:42:30]  Yeah.
[02:42:30]  Oh, yeah.
[02:42:30]  Yes, I have.
[02:42:31]  Yes.
[02:42:31]  Lyft.
[02:42:32]  Yes.
[02:42:32]  You're just talking about like a little bit of a guy and walking dogs.
[02:42:35]  This guy after punked 28, 20, was it what year?
[02:42:39]  I moved to LA probably 2019.
[02:42:42]  Wasn't like 2018.
[02:42:43]  Something like that.
[02:42:45]  What was your Lyft rating?
[02:42:46]  That's a great question.
[02:42:47]  This guy drove Lyft, but like he said it to me one time.
[02:42:50]  He didn't even tell me.
[02:42:51]  That's why I know him.
[02:42:52]  Come on.
[02:42:54]  You bitch.
[02:42:56]  But that's the kind of shit.
[02:42:57]  So he didn't even tell me this until recently.
[02:42:59]  I knew him.
[02:42:59]  And I think we might have been going broke together.
[02:43:01]  But like for him, it was probably even more of a mind fuck.
[02:43:03]  You were on punked.
[02:43:04]  You had this pop and then it's gone, which I had too.
[02:43:07]  But anyway, he was like, I was driving Lyft around LA, like paralyzed with fear that a fucking comic would get into one of my lifts and be like, holy shit, blow.
[02:43:17]  And then you just got to deal with that.
[02:43:18]  And it's like, you got this TV credit, blah, blah, blah.
[02:43:21]  So that's a fucking another reason.
[02:43:22]  I didn't know if you were saying that publicly, but early on was like, I'm so proud of how far you've come.
[02:43:26]  That's the shit I, I don't remember that part, but I remember that part of his life.
[02:43:30]  But I feel like I feel in LA, it's not as big of a deal because like most of the actors there are like waiters and waitresses.
[02:43:38]  Yeah, I think kind of in that world.
[02:43:42]  In my head, it was a, I hear your point.
[02:43:44]  I think in my head, it was a little different because it was like the punk thing was such a major, like it was like a nationwide search for the comics are going to be on the shit.
[02:43:54]  No offense, we didn't know you were on there, bro.
[02:43:55]  Yeah, no, no doubt.
[02:43:58]  No doubt, man.
[02:43:58]  No doubt.
[02:44:06]  Anyway, but my point is, is like, so to get that and then to have that ride and then go down to zero, I think there was a lot of like, and it might have not existed, but in my head, there was like this optics towards me or whatever.
[02:44:21]  And again, it might have been around it because you're used to being on set.
[02:44:24]  They're like, your talent, get whatever you want.
[02:44:25]  Here's food.
[02:44:26]  And then somebody gets in, like, can we turn the AC down a little bit?
[02:44:29]  Yeah.
[02:44:29]  I was at the Kardashians two weeks ago.
[02:44:32]  Yeah.
[02:44:32]  It was, it was such a, it was such a mind fuck.
[02:44:34]  So, uh, and again, it might have just, I might have just been making it up, but in my head, it was like, I fucking woke up at like six in the morning to drive people.
[02:44:44]  Cause in my head, I was like, oh, comics aren't up this late.
[02:44:47]  Or I'm sorry, up this early.
[02:44:48]  So I'll drive from six in the morning to like four or like probably three or four p.m. and then do like open mics.
[02:44:54]  And I was like deep in the game at this point.
[02:44:56]  And so the whole point of me even saying any of this is like, that's what my mindset was.
[02:45:01]  And so to actually have money now, it's like, I don't ever want to go back there.
[02:45:05]  So that's why I think I'm innately cheap, obviously, but I think it accentuates it because of that.
[02:45:10]  No, that makes perfect sense.
[02:45:11]  For sure.
[02:45:11]  You are innately cheap, but I can't help that more of a mind fuck.
[02:45:14]  But also at a certain point, you got to let go a bit.
[02:45:16]  Now, maybe I let go too much.
[02:45:17]  I don't know.
[02:45:17]  Probably.
[02:45:17]  We're still thinking with your call.
[02:45:20]  You're pretty cheap, too.
[02:45:21]  I will spend.
[02:45:22]  No, he's crazy to me.
[02:45:23]  Is he not crazy to you?
[02:45:25]  This dude spends money like crazy.
[02:45:27]  That's because he's.
[02:45:30]  Andrew likes watches and then all of a sudden he likes watches.
[02:45:33]  Actually, I would like to watch his first boost broke.
[02:45:35]  But I didn't know you could.
[02:45:36]  I also didn't know you could collect them.
[02:45:38]  My cousin is obsessed with watches, but not even on like what's going to appreciate in value.
[02:45:42]  He like loves the movement of it.
[02:45:44]  He, I was, I went to HP.
[02:45:46]  He's good.
[02:45:47]  Yeah, dude.
[02:45:48]  Yeah.
[02:45:48]  He, I went to AP.
[02:45:49]  He, and it's like hard to get access to in AP at all.
[02:45:53]  And shouts to my guy, Alou, that hooked it up.
[02:45:55]  My cousin is like, he's trying to get such a watch guy.
[02:45:59]  Yeah, I always come out.
[02:46:00]  I always shout him out when I can.
[02:46:01]  My cousin is such a watch guy.
[02:46:02]  He's like impressing the AP guy about his bright link.
[02:46:04]  He's like, oh, it has a nabbit timer.
[02:46:06]  This is how you work it.
[02:46:07]  If you're in the hair, blah, blah, blah.
[02:46:08]  Guy's fascinated, so impressed.
[02:46:10]  And he says to my cousin, you ever think about becoming a part of the AP family?
[02:46:13]  Which is like, you don't get asked.
[02:46:15]  And then my cousin goes, I'd probably just get a used vintage one.
[02:46:18]  That's what I like if I had the choice.
[02:46:19]  Like, he couldn't care less about the appreciation and getting asked.
[02:46:22]  He likes the movement and the look of the vintage, and that's what he likes.
[02:46:25]  And that rubbed off on me a bit.
[02:46:27]  But then when I found out, you can like this, this thing appreciates in value.
[02:46:30]  I was like, fuck yeah, let's do that.
[02:46:32]  Absolutely.
[02:46:33]  So that's where I was like, oh, watches are great.
[02:46:36]  They look fly.
[02:46:36]  You can, you get the right one.
[02:46:37]  You can appreciate in value.
[02:46:39]  But I will also spend on a lot of things.
[02:46:41]  I'll cheap out on certain things.
[02:46:42]  But living in a nice place is like, that's so interesting that you feel like he's cheap because I feel like he spends money like insane.
[02:46:51]  So maybe I just like the what he spends value.
[02:46:54]  Right.
[02:46:54]  My dad, I'm obsessed with.
[02:46:56]  Whatever I pay, I want to get the best shit for it.
[02:46:58]  I don't mind paying, but it's got to be the best.
[02:47:00]  I'm like weirdly obsessive about that.
[02:47:02]  I just remember us having a convo here about who tips the worst.
[02:47:06]  I remember this.
[02:47:07]  Tim and Andrew are used to be bad tippers.
[02:47:11]  I think now they're forced to be good tippers because they're too big in the limelight.
[02:47:15]  Where are you at?
[02:47:16]  Percentage.
[02:47:17]  I'm much more generous.
[02:47:18]  Now, actually, what's his name?
[02:47:19]  The Hassan Abi.
[02:47:20]  I don't know.
[02:47:21]  I was talking to him.
[02:47:21]  I was like, yeah, I could tip him.
[02:47:22]  I wasn't, I got better as I stopped being broke.
[02:47:24]  I used to really be bad when I was broke.
[02:47:26]  I mean, I'd tip the worst when I'm standing up, you know?
[02:47:29]  Any place where I got a bit of a bad thing.
[02:47:30]  When you were on the pod, you said you were going to stop tipping.
[02:47:32]  Did Flagrant like four years ago?
[02:47:34]  Just me and Anne said you were taking it and we stopped.
[02:47:35]  Opened on it.
[02:47:37]  But now it's annoying and people know who you are.
[02:47:39]  So it's like you want to not.
[02:47:41]  Of course.
[02:47:42]  You're like, fuck.
[02:47:43]  If I'm out of Leslie's pool supply and you hit me with this shit, I'm like, what the fuck am I tipping for?
[02:47:46]  A pool noodle?
[02:47:47]  Yeah.
[02:47:48]  If I'm at a restaurant, it's crazy.
[02:47:51]  Sit down.
[02:47:51]  I'll always go 20 and above.
[02:47:53]  But I'm standing up, you know?
[02:47:55]  Yeah.
[02:47:56]  I'm just trying to get out of that screen as quickly.
[02:47:58]  The percentage kills me.
[02:47:59]  So I'm like, bro, you're making my coffee, which I really appreciate.
[02:48:02]  Let me give you a dollar.
[02:48:04]  But you hit me with the percentage of 20%.
[02:48:06]  And also coffee is now $8.
[02:48:09]  So we give me with a 20% of $8.
[02:48:11]  I'm tipping you $1.60 to make me a fuck.
[02:48:15]  And first of all, like $20 an hour?
[02:48:17]  First of all, first of all, can I say this?
[02:48:19]  This is just crazy.
[02:48:19]  Like, this is so.
[02:48:20]  No, I agree.
[02:48:21]  The tipping is out of control, but I agree.
[02:48:23]  This is you're selling out theater.
[02:48:25]  No, no, no.
[02:48:26]  This is how cheap.
[02:48:27]  Watch this.
[02:48:28]  Just play back what he said.
[02:48:29]  This is how cheap he is.
[02:48:30]  If you want a dollar, that's fine.
[02:48:32]  I'll give you a dollar to make my coffee.
[02:48:34]  But if you want $1.60 for a coffee, this is the words that came out of his family.
[02:48:39]  Oh, bro, tell them the OnlyFans story.
[02:48:41]  Oh, I will.
[02:48:43]  I will.
[02:48:44]  I just want to say this real quick and I'll go to OnlyFans.
[02:48:46]  I would rather tip the espresso machine because that motherfucker did the work.
[02:48:51]  Yeah.
[02:48:52]  He grinded the beans.
[02:48:53]  He did the thing.
[02:48:54]  You just sat there with a cup like this.
[02:48:56]  You didn't do shit.
[02:48:57]  If you're making the cappuccino with a blah, blah, blah.
[02:48:59]  And then putting the goddamn leaf on there.
[02:49:01]  All right, cool.
[02:49:01]  I get that.
[02:49:02]  It's principles.
[02:49:02]  You see the robots that deliver food?
[02:49:04]  Do you guys have that out here?
[02:49:05]  Is that just an LA thing?
[02:49:05]  No, these little robots is on four wheels.
[02:49:08]  Yeah, but this girl posted on a story yesterday.
[02:49:10]  She's like yelling at Uber support, being like, why not fucking tip a robot dog?
[02:49:14]  Like it was a person dropping on my food.
[02:49:15]  I want somebody to get it.
[02:49:17]  Who's the money going to?
[02:49:18]  Valid point, but she's like cussing out.
[02:49:20]  And then another robot is the Texas robot.
[02:49:23]  It's a hilarious screenshot to be looking at.
[02:49:25]  It's crazy.
[02:49:26]  But it's so funny because you're like, who does the tip go to?
[02:49:28]  You tip before you get the food.
[02:49:29]  And then all of a sudden, Wally comes pulling up, smoking a menthol, like, here's your shake shack.
[02:49:34]  Who gets the money?
[02:49:35]  I think those robots are cute as shit.
[02:49:36]  And I think they are cute.
[02:49:38]  They put eyes on it.
[02:49:39]  They put eyes on it so people don't victimize it or like hit it or like spray paint it.
[02:49:42]  And now that car, I think like ravian or some shit like that.
[02:49:46]  And it looks just like the robot.
[02:49:48]  I was like, tell us the only fan story.
[02:49:50]  This is hilarious.
[02:49:50]  Oh, so there's only fan.
[02:49:51]  I only signed up for one OnlyFans.
[02:49:53]  This girl was super, super didober bad.
[02:49:55]  I really need to see her naked.
[02:49:56]  Please, Madam Please.
[02:49:58]  You sign up for all right, keep going.
[02:50:00]  No, I'll be, okay, I always keep it 100.
[02:50:01]  Anyways, so I signed up for it, and I was very say he's going to be gay in a matter of time.
[02:50:06]  So I believe they did not.
[02:50:07]  Yeah, I mean, guys, I always try to be honest.
[02:50:08]  I'll tell you guys.
[02:50:09]  My mom's got perfect.
[02:50:11]  Thank you.
[02:50:12]  You're right.
[02:50:13]  So I signed up for this lady's OnlyFans and I was looking at some pictures and I wanted to see a video.
[02:50:18]  And she was trying to charge me a dollar to see a video.
[02:50:23]  But that's how OnlyFans work.
[02:50:25]  Oh, I already spent money.
[02:50:27]  Oh, you paid.
[02:50:28]  He paid the monthly to get in.
[02:50:29]  No, that would bother me.
[02:50:30]  Thank you, but $1.
[02:50:32]  No.
[02:50:32]  $1.
[02:50:34]  I will say $200.
[02:50:35]  So pulling out a credit card for a dollar is crazy.
[02:50:37]  I got paid out of comic club maybe a year ago and they gave me a check for $20.
[02:50:40]  I go, what are we doing?
[02:50:42]  Yeah, we have had that too.
[02:50:43]  You got to pull out the fucking card.
[02:50:44]  You're going to chase that.
[02:50:45]  You're going to have to find the jewels for one cent, a residual check.
[02:50:48]  Fuck you.
[02:50:49]  I don't understand what you're saying.
[02:50:52]  I had a three cent for sure, and I think I had a one cent once, but three cents I've had multiple times.
[02:50:55]  That's crazy.
[02:50:57]  So are we okay with what I just did?
[02:50:58]  Or is everyone, is everyone?
[02:51:00]  I'm okay with it.
[02:51:00]  If I had Apple Pay, I'd do it immediately.
[02:51:02]  But pulling out the car and the CVD on.
[02:51:04]  It's the principle.
[02:51:04]  Don't charge me and then charge me an extra dollar.
[02:51:06]  This is exactly what the answer is.
[02:51:09]  Soup, soup, soup.
[02:51:10]  And then you want some head here.
[02:51:11]  It's like, are you.
[02:51:12]  I'm not on board because you shouldn't pay for porn anyway.
[02:51:15]  So if you're going to pay, pay one more dollar.
[02:51:18]  No.
[02:51:19]  You have never played for OnlyFans before.
[02:51:21]  No, he's big on it.
[02:51:23]  It's like you have access to everything.
[02:51:25]  Yeah, but there's a, but there's a difference, though, because this is like true, authentic amateur shit.
[02:51:32]  Bro, that sentence alone.
[02:51:34]  That sounds alone.
[02:51:36]  That was like the most inserious you've done all night.
[02:51:38]  Oh my God, dude.
[02:51:39]  Oh, my God.
[02:51:41]  Sorry, laughing in your face.
[02:51:42]  No, you can laugh at me.
[02:51:43]  You can laugh at me.
[02:51:44]  Listen, you can laugh at my passion.
[02:51:46]  You can hear the guy breathing into the phone right here.
[02:51:50]  Because all this other shit.
[02:51:51]  That's crazy.
[02:51:51]  All this other shit has no passion.
[02:51:53]  There's no emotion behind it.
[02:51:54]  But this is like.
[02:51:55]  Yeah, because she's got a ring light and she lives in fucking Temecula and she's shooting whatever.
[02:52:00]  She deserves it.
[02:52:01]  But if you're going to charge me, she deserves it.
[02:52:02]  But the coffee maker.
[02:52:06]  The coffee machine wants to be.
[02:52:08]  Tipping that present machine is so funny.
[02:52:10]  Bro, let me tip the expression machine.
[02:52:12]  I'm telling you.
[02:52:12]  It does make sense.
[02:52:13]  You know what I started doing is this is maybe classiest of me, but I will tip like I've done.
[02:52:19]  I love not tipping the barista.
[02:52:20]  I'll do it sometimes because I feel like I'm going to look like an asshole, but I would love to just not tip.
[02:52:24]  Yeah, it's crazy.
[02:52:25]  And then if you deliver like Amazon Fresh or whatever, I'll tip like crazy.
[02:52:30]  I start at 20 bucks because I've seen those guys.
[02:52:33]  And those guys, I'm like, oh, like older people sometimes like, yo, this is fucking all the groceries.
[02:52:37]  Yeah.
[02:52:38]  Yeah.
[02:52:38]  So I'll tip them.
[02:52:39]  I think over tip them, I think.
[02:52:41]  And then like, if you're like a barista making a fucking latte, like, I'm not, I'm also big on the personality.
[02:52:47]  If you give me no addicts, if you're just like dead face, it's like, what kind of stuff?
[02:52:50]  Oh, man, I press no tip and I'll turn it back on it.
[02:52:53]  Yeah.
[02:52:54]  I show you.
[02:52:55]  I made them do it.
[02:52:56]  I turn around and say, press no tip.
[02:53:00]  In New York, the standard is a dollar.
[02:53:01]  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
[02:53:02]  Yes.
[02:53:03]  Standard is a dollar.
[02:53:04]  One dollar.
[02:53:04]  Could you speak like that for cocktails?
[02:53:05]  I would do it, but I do.
[02:53:07]  I don't ever drink.
[02:53:08]  I'll do it, but begrudgingly.
[02:53:09]  No, I don't do that.
[02:53:11]  You don't do it.
[02:53:11]  Sometimes I don't do it.
[02:53:13]  There's a signal.
[02:53:14]  And I do that begrudgingly too because you did something to make me think.
[02:53:16]  Actually, now sometimes I'm just like, what the fuck am I doing this for?
[02:53:19]  The fuck am I doing this?
[02:53:21]  Yeah, getting paid shit.
[02:53:22]  Just give them a dollar.
[02:53:22]  Another dollar.
[02:53:23]  They're going to pay $20, whatever.
[02:53:25]  You might have won me over.
[02:53:26]  Whatever.
[02:53:27]  Bro, I used to lift.
[02:53:28]  I used to be excited as fuck to walk with $100 on goddamn lift drive.
[02:53:32]  And I'm driving fucking stinky motherfuckers to the goddamn LAS.
[02:53:34]  You can't.
[02:53:35]  How much would you appreciate it if somebody gave you a dollar?
[02:53:38]  Dude, I agree.
[02:53:40]  And you're not doing shit, but press the same fucking pedal that you press and turn the same.
[02:53:45]  It's nothing extra.
[02:53:46]  Oh, really?
[02:53:46]  The curse goes to the jet.
[02:53:48]  Oh, really?
[02:53:49]  That's all he's doing.
[02:53:50]  Oh, really?
[02:53:50]  I'm getting you safe to LAX.
[02:53:53]  I'm avoiding shit.
[02:53:54]  There's, oh, there's traffic litter.
[02:53:56]  You got the toes in the rear of your mirror.
[02:53:57]  Yeah, I'm turning around.
[02:53:58]  Hello, how was your day?
[02:53:59]  I don't give a fuck how you goddamn.
[02:54:00]  So you're keeping yourself alive.
[02:54:01]  That's what you're doing.
[02:54:02]  No, I'm keeping them alive.
[02:54:03]  You're keeping yourself alive.
[02:54:05]  Dude, that's what you're doing.
[02:54:07]  Let me tell you, back in the day, do you know how much I resisted going like this over a regime?
[02:54:12]  My life sucks.
[02:54:14]  He flipped it back.
[02:54:15]  That's a good thing.
[02:54:16]  That's a good point.
[02:54:18]  It's like, yo, tip me so I don't kill myself right now.
[02:54:22]  That's the end of the ride.
[02:54:23]  They should tip before you get in the car.
[02:54:25]  That's a fucking great thing.
[02:54:26]  That's the funny part.
[02:54:27]  I don't know what you did so far.
[02:54:28]  I got to tip you a dollar.
[02:54:29]  You haven't even started making this.
[02:54:30]  So the driver, but y'all tip me five bucks and you drive a little nice, put a little jacket.
[02:54:34]  That's presumptuous.
[02:54:35]  But you know you're going to get it.
[02:54:36]  Beforehand.
[02:54:36]  You know you're going to get it.
[02:54:37]  You know you're going to get it.
[02:54:38]  You know, it's going to be good.
[02:54:39]  I don't know if you're going to do a good job.
[02:54:41]  Dude, sometimes they fuck my coffee.
[02:54:42]  My shit is super regular and still they fuck it up.
[02:54:45]  Actually, you guys have a point because if you're at a restaurant, you're tipping the waiter or waitress for your service.
[02:54:51]  It's called gratuity.
[02:54:52]  It's not even about the food taste.
[02:54:54]  Yeah, I'm showing gratitude for this thing you have done for me.
[02:54:57]  Gratuity.
[02:54:58]  That's what it's called.
[02:54:58]  And they didn't do anything for you.
[02:54:59]  Doing it before you've done anything?
[02:55:01]  Why?
[02:55:01]  I don't know.
[02:55:02]  So you're just tipping for them carrying the cup from there.
[02:55:05]  Correct.
[02:55:06]  Yeah.
[02:55:06]  You were a wild.
[02:55:08]  It's not even like a tip anymore.
[02:55:09]  It's just baked into the price.
[02:55:11]  It feels like.
[02:55:12]  You just know it's going to be an extra whatever.
[02:55:14]  I swear I'd be more inclined to tip if they did it once they brought me the thing and then brought the car.
[02:55:17]  I swear I'd be able to do it.
[02:55:18]  On the way out, whatever.
[02:55:19]  But I'd be more inclined to be like, yeah, dollar.
[02:55:21]  That was great.
[02:55:21]  Thank you.
[02:55:21]  You know how restrooms at the airport have like the smiley faces?
[02:55:23]  Like, how is our bathroom?
[02:55:24]  Tell me that.
[02:55:24]  Principal, who the fuck are you, bro?
[02:55:26]  I don't know what you've done for me.
[02:55:27]  It's just baked into the system, guys.
[02:55:29]  Just be system men.
[02:55:31]  Some of y'all don't belong in the system.
[02:55:33]  They had a family out so fuck you.
[02:55:35]  Bro, I'm going to tell you you don't belong.
[02:55:37]  You know what I'm saying?
[02:55:38]  Tips.
[02:55:38]  Spin it back.
[02:55:39]  I feel like we're going to see a violin video vodka too.
[02:55:41]  You didn't do shit to me.
[02:55:43]  I'm also saying that to a black person is crazy.
[02:55:46]  It's wild, but it's fine.
[02:55:47]  I'm going to let it fly.
[02:55:48]  I apologize.
[02:55:49]  I didn't mean it in a racist, systemic racism sense.
[02:55:52]  I'm sorry y'all have to go through that.
[02:55:55]  You ain't believe that?
[02:55:56]  Yeah, no.
[02:55:57]  It's their fault.
[02:55:59]  I don't mean white people.
[02:56:00]  I mean the Jews.
[02:56:01]  Yeah.
[02:56:01]  Jews, whatever, man.
[02:56:02]  You're a walking espresso machine.
[02:56:04]  I don't give a shit.
[02:56:05]  I give you 58 cents.
[02:56:07]  I'm joking.
[02:56:08]  I give a dollar every single time, even if you talk to me.
[02:56:10]  All these are thoughts in my head.
[02:56:11]  But I still don't know.
[02:56:12]  I don't know.
[02:56:13]  Correct.
[02:56:14]  I tip 20% literally every single time.
[02:56:17]  Begrudgingly, to your point, but I do.
[02:56:20]  Restaurants at this point, I feel like if you gave me like not great, I got to go 20.
[02:56:24]  I got to start like 20 is like 20 bare minimum.
[02:56:27]  I have to start at 25, 30 now.
[02:56:28]  I feel like.
[02:56:29]  I'll tip once they do the math for me.
[02:56:30]  You know, it's like 20%, 25, 30%.
[02:56:32]  And they got that.
[02:56:32]  They got the tea.
[02:56:33]  That is true.
[02:56:35]  You give me good service.
[02:56:36]  And I do feel better tipping.

=== Walking Espresso Machine Jokes (13:37) ===

[02:56:38]  I don't know whatever episode we did with Hassan Abby for whatever reason.
[02:56:41]  I was like, yeah, I want to.
[02:56:42]  Oh, actually, it was a little before that pandemic.
[02:56:45]  When I went to the couple times we got to go to a restaurant and people were working.
[02:56:48]  I was like, man, fuck.
[02:56:49]  Yeah.
[02:56:50]  You got to tip the fuck out of me.
[02:56:51]  Oh, yeah.
[02:56:51]  And then it just keeps having me tipping better.
[02:56:54]  Also, I had more money.
[02:56:55]  Was it a road?
[02:56:56]  Posting it over during the pandemic.
[02:56:57]  Like, I tipped a guy and he left a note on it.
[02:56:59]  He wrote like a handwritten note and he says, Thank you for tipping extra.
[02:57:02]  You know, this is the only job I have right now with the family.
[02:57:04]  And I got three kids.
[02:57:06]  Bro, I ran out of the house to try and find that man to give him more money.
[02:57:08]  I was like, balling.
[02:57:10]  Yeah, you could have just done it on your app.
[02:57:11]  That's why I know you're lying.
[02:57:13]  This is a made-up story for fucking crowd.
[02:57:16]  I was, no, I did do this.
[02:57:17]  I did this.
[02:57:18]  No, Hustin Minaj.
[02:57:24]  Never happened.
[02:57:25]  It was in my hometown.
[02:57:26]  It never happened.
[02:57:27]  No, this did happen.
[02:57:28]  I was, oh my God.
[02:57:30]  I'm pulling for the seats on Instagram.
[02:57:33]  It happened.
[02:57:34]  Good, dude.
[02:57:35]  Holy fuck.
[02:57:39]  Huge you gotta do to blow up as an Indian, all right?
[02:57:42]  Do that.
[02:57:42]  More of those stories.
[02:57:43]  Dude, don't make jokes about Hustin Minaj.
[02:57:45]  It's crazy.
[02:57:45]  His daughter's actually in Gaza right now, and I think we should really be a big deal, dude.
[02:57:52]  Super fucked up.
[02:57:56]  No, no.
[02:57:57]  And his wife just did a beheading video.
[02:57:59]  So you better be careful, bro.
[02:58:01]  I'm telling you, bro.
[02:58:02]  You better be careful.
[02:58:04]  We should have got him a drink earlier.
[02:58:07]  I know.
[02:58:10]  He took it there.
[02:58:11]  Trevor's like, oh my God.
[02:58:12]  That's what I was saying because you used to be holding the Fort Logo.
[02:58:14]  That's like the ghost.
[02:58:16]  This is a right of to say whatever the fuck you want.
[02:58:18]  That's true.
[02:58:19]  Listen, sir, I am drinking Fort Logo.
[02:58:20]  Look, we did.
[02:58:24]  He spilled out my buddy.
[02:58:25]  Yeah, hey, give me some more, dude.
[02:58:29]  Nah, we good, we good, we good.
[02:58:30]  I'm good, man.
[02:58:31]  Al blacked out during the Shane Gillis episode.
[02:58:33]  It was so funny.
[02:58:33]  He stopped making a lot of fun.
[02:58:35]  Please don't do that.
[02:58:36]  Oh, stop.
[02:58:37]  So funny, but don't do it.
[02:58:38]  Yeah, he just completely fell apart.
[02:58:40]  And then he was still in his head afterward because he knew he fell apart.
[02:58:42]  Al thinks he also can beat up anyone white.
[02:58:44]  This is another fun Alpha.
[02:58:45]  Now he admitted Jake Paul could beat him up.
[02:58:47]  Yeah.
[02:58:48]  I'm joking with Jake Deal.
[02:58:49]  That boy's big.
[02:58:50]  Like, Kev would give me some problem.
[02:58:52]  Kev would give you.
[02:58:53]  Kev would fuck you up.
[02:58:55]  He'd kill you.
[02:58:56]  Beat the dog.
[02:58:58]  I've seen how strong this motherfucker is.
[02:59:00]  This is Lenny, bro.
[02:59:01]  It's not mice and men.
[02:59:02]  He ain't taking these spirit fingers off.
[02:59:04]  What's up, bitch?
[02:59:05]  He's not quick and limbo with it.
[02:59:07]  So it's like, I just got to move.
[02:59:08]  He gets a hold of you as a rap.
[02:59:09]  Oh, yeah.
[02:59:10]  Can we see y'all fight?
[02:59:13]  Why not?
[02:59:14]  Why not?
[02:59:15]  I'm two gins in.
[02:59:16]  Let me see you fight.
[02:59:17]  Betty's not going to have a videographer or anyone.
[02:59:19]  Oh, shit.
[02:59:21]  All right.
[02:59:22]  Al's talking all that shit.
[02:59:23]  What if, what if Big Kev was black?
[02:59:27]  He might take it.
[02:59:28]  He might.
[02:59:29]  He might take me.
[02:59:30]  He might take me.
[02:59:32]  You get that mic if you want, Kev.
[02:59:33]  You can do whatever you want, bro.
[02:59:34]  You know what's all up.
[02:59:35]  Stop it.
[02:59:36]  No.
[02:59:36]  That's his way.
[02:59:37]  You said that your ass.
[02:59:38]  Please don't beat the fuck out of me.
[02:59:39]  Oh, absolutely.
[02:59:42]  You know what?
[02:59:43]  I'm selling it for because I picked my battle.
[02:59:47]  Four of them I ain't pick rap.
[02:59:50]  I'm having a great time.
[02:59:51]  I am having a great time.
[02:59:52]  I'm just fucking around.
[02:59:53]  You guys have to be a Patreon after this.
[02:59:55]  Oh, my bitch.
[02:59:56]  Fuck my goddamn ass.
[02:59:57]  Where's my mom with them perfect tears?
[03:00:01]  You gotta tell that it's like a ringtone or something.
[03:00:03]  That was too good.
[03:00:04]  Dude, you know what sucked?
[03:00:06]  Sometimes, like, I knew this is gonna sound like a flex, but it's not.
[03:00:09]  I was really good friends with all the cheerleaders in my school.
[03:00:11]  And so so many times we'll be like, all right, we're going on the boat, man.
[03:00:14]  And they'd all look at me like, bring the cheerleaders.
[03:00:16]  I'm like, do you know how much fucking pressure it is?
[03:00:18]  Yeah.
[03:00:19]  To try to get all of them?
[03:00:20]  Are you fucking?
[03:00:21]  You're the hose guy.
[03:00:22]  But when you come through, the tribulation matters, the 30-pack guy, gotta carry it on the shoulder and the hose guy.
[03:00:27]  This is such a but when it does play, I mean, you're good for like seven months.
[03:00:31]  But one out of 10 times it does well.
[03:00:34]  Yeah, well, if you're bragging about it, then it's like annoying.
[03:00:37]  Like, oh, but you, but if people are relying on you, it's the rely thing.
[03:00:42]  Dude, like, I had a fake ID in my freshman year of college.
[03:00:44]  It was the most annoying shit in the world.
[03:00:47]  Everybody, people I never talked to, the knocker would go, hey, are you going to liquor store time?
[03:00:51]  It's like an idiot.
[03:00:52]  It's like a loser.
[03:00:53]  Yeah, but you get a fake ID when you're early on.
[03:00:55]  You get that dick suck for a goddamn butt light.
[03:00:57]  Not me.
[03:00:58]  Or cut it off.
[03:00:59]  You guys get the joke.
[03:01:00]  Oh, there it is.
[03:01:01]  I just saw y'all do your podcast for about two and a half minutes.
[03:01:04]  That was crazy.
[03:01:04]  And what do you think?
[03:01:05]  That was just so nasty.
[03:01:06]  Broke into it.
[03:01:07]  That was very cool.
[03:01:08]  Dude, if you guys didn't even know we were back in, you got to stop talking.
[03:01:11]  Trevor and I just fucked up.
[03:01:12]  Yeah, that's what we're going to do on Patreon.
[03:01:14]  It's going to be on the set.
[03:01:16]  They like started the Patreon.
[03:01:19]  We don't do a lot of guests.
[03:01:20]  I mean, we do have guests.
[03:01:21]  We'd be like, forget, and then we'll like riff or riff or rip.
[03:01:23]  I'm like, oh, yeah.
[03:01:24]  So you ever like finger a stranger?
[03:01:29]  It's great, man.
[03:01:29]  We have such good chemistry together.
[03:01:31]  Oh, that was great, dude.
[03:01:32]  Just early on, too.
[03:01:33]  Yeah.
[03:01:33]  I remember you telling me this is the guy you're going to start a podcast.
[03:01:37]  Yeah.
[03:01:37]  Yeah, you got good skin.
[03:01:39]  Thank you.
[03:01:40]  What do you do?
[03:01:40]  What are you going to wear it?
[03:01:41]  You fucking weirdo?
[03:01:43]  Al's not comfortable complimenting another man.
[03:01:45]  You could tell by like how he tried to make that macho.
[03:01:47]  You could just say it was pretty.
[03:01:48]  It's actually like one of the gayer compliments you can give a man.
[03:01:51]  So, props to you.
[03:01:52]  But he like had good normal.
[03:01:54]  You got good skin.
[03:01:55]  You do.
[03:01:55]  But he just said clothes.
[03:01:58]  I just need the kilts, whatever the product is.
[03:02:00]  They got this shit in Newark airport.
[03:02:02]  Ain't got money like that in Newark.
[03:02:03]  Huh?
[03:02:04]  No facials, no skin pills.
[03:02:06]  No, no, I want to.
[03:02:09]  No, nothing.
[03:02:10]  I got a facial before the special that did nothing for my goddamn face.
[03:02:13]  LA, you haven't got Botox?
[03:02:14]  Uh-uh.
[03:02:16]  But I'm 30.
[03:02:16]  Like, I look like I'm 22.
[03:02:18]  Oh, you're only 30?
[03:02:19]  I'm 30, yeah.
[03:02:19]  Son of a bitch.
[03:02:20]  But so I'm not there for motherfuckers to look a certain way.
[03:02:25]  I saw a bunch of my college friends recently and they were all the same age.
[03:02:28]  Man, I was 30.
[03:02:28]  I was like, oh, bro, y'all look 30.
[03:02:31]  Hairline doing a damn boomerang up there.
[03:02:33]  So I'm so thankful for.
[03:02:35]  I don't even think I take that great care of myself.
[03:02:38]  I'd be eating funnians and shit.
[03:02:39]  Dude, funny are so, yo, lack of testosterone.
[03:02:44]  Small hands, not all bad out.
[03:02:46]  Yeah, I don't know.
[03:02:47]  I just, I just wash my face a lot.
[03:02:48]  And yeah, I think that's it.
[03:02:50]  I don't know.
[03:02:51]  But no, no other shit extra.
[03:02:52]  What do you do, man?
[03:02:53]  Your skin's shit.
[03:02:54]  Thanks, man.
[03:02:55]  They had to bounce it out.
[03:02:57]  There's the New Yorker.
[03:03:00]  He's trying to counteract this gay.
[03:03:02]  Bro, yeah, your skin ain't shit.
[03:03:04]  Anyways, you want to kiss me, bro?
[03:03:08]  I'm sorry.
[03:03:08]  All right, he got you.
[03:03:10]  He got you.
[03:03:10]  That's okay, man.
[03:03:11]  I respect it.
[03:03:12]  Because whites, you know, usually it's not good.
[03:03:16]  No, no, we do not age well at all.
[03:03:17]  Which I am thankful that I look like this.
[03:03:20]  Age like a goddamn plantain.
[03:03:22]  Kev, how big you are?
[03:03:23]  I don't know about that.
[03:03:25]  You got out of that.
[03:03:26]  I got her no.
[03:03:26]  You got out of that good.
[03:03:28]  You're not?
[03:03:29]  There ain't no way.
[03:03:30]  There's no fucking way.
[03:03:31]  I had to remove it.
[03:03:32]  What?
[03:03:33]  Yeah.
[03:03:33]  I'm transitioning.
[03:03:35]  I love it.
[03:03:36]  Good for you.
[03:03:37]  Come on.
[03:03:37]  Kev, I wish that was funnier.
[03:03:39]  I really do.
[03:03:41]  I was your own boss right now.
[03:03:43]  That was an Ace Arm meeting live and activated.
[03:03:45]  I'm trying to get, you know, let's get him on the podcast.
[03:03:48]  We all want to know because you're eight feet.
[03:03:50]  I ask him all the time.
[03:03:51]  You don't tell me this guy.
[03:03:52]  Kevin.
[03:03:52]  This is like a Gatorade bottle.
[03:03:54]  Oh, bro.
[03:03:56]  If he never wants to tell, you like.
[03:03:58]  But is it a proportional thing?
[03:03:59]  They might not be packing because you're tall, but like your dick on me would be like a super soaker.
[03:04:03]  Like, what do you think?
[03:04:07]  Be honest with me.
[03:04:07]  Now it's just 10 dudes talking about dicks.
[03:04:09]  We're at that part of the episode.
[03:04:11]  Hold up.
[03:04:13]  It's cute.
[03:04:14]  Tell me when he does this.
[03:04:15]  Does we don't need him?
[03:04:17]  Your wife limp.
[03:04:20]  All right.
[03:04:21]  Six foot.
[03:04:22]  Your wife is six foot.
[03:04:23]  Dog, black kids are going to be hogs black.
[03:04:26]  I got wild jealous.
[03:04:27]  I know.
[03:04:27]  I got wild jealous.
[03:04:29]  No, I got wild jealous on what they're going to produce.
[03:04:31]  6'11, 6' wow.
[03:04:33]  6'11 plus a six-foot lady.
[03:04:35]  Your kids are gonna come out crazy.
[03:04:37]  I feel like you never have to wait for drinks at a bar.
[03:04:39]  They just be like, you volume?
[03:04:41]  All right, cool.
[03:04:41]  Anyways, I always have to wait for drinks.
[03:04:45]  I'm lower.
[03:04:45]  What's the Kev's shit?
[03:04:46]  No, You said no, no, no.
[03:04:50]  I'm gonna be honest with you.
[03:04:51]  It was an observation.
[03:04:52]  That was an observation, not a bit.
[03:04:54]  Hey, we've been talking four hours.
[03:04:56]  Oh, yeah, of course, y'all bail me out of mind.
[03:04:58]  Thank you.
[03:04:58]  Oh, yeah.
[03:04:58]  I'm texting my house after this.
[03:05:00]  Cut the bars.
[03:05:01]  Cut the bars.
[03:05:02]  Are we getting hoes after this?
[03:05:03]  Yes.
[03:05:04]  I wasn't.
[03:05:05]  I'm going to be honest.
[03:05:06]  I'm going to be honest.
[03:05:07]  In my head, I was like, listen, my voice is kind of fucked.
[03:05:10]  I don't want to.
[03:05:10]  I'm going to just work.
[03:05:12]  And I have one drink, and I'm like, my phone about to be crazy.
[03:05:15]  Yeah.
[03:05:16]  Bumble, Raya, DMs.
[03:05:19]  Ah, dude.
[03:05:19]  I played my friends bumble a couple times.
[03:05:21]  It's so fun.
[03:05:22]  Played Bumble.
[03:05:23]  Played Bumble.
[03:05:23]  I've been married for so long, man.
[03:05:26]  It's a video game.
[03:05:27]  That's so cute.
[03:05:28]  It is a video game to me.
[03:05:29]  It's like I had to joke about this.
[03:05:31]  It's like playing Fruit Ninja with Destiny.
[03:05:33]  Yeah.
[03:05:34]  You know what I mean?
[03:05:35]  Where's it going?
[03:05:36]  Where's my life going?
[03:05:37]  How do you meet the majority of the women?
[03:05:39]  Actually, both of you, because you're both DMs.
[03:05:43]  Yeah, just start.
[03:05:44]  I'm not on Raya because I'm not fucking, I don't know why, but it's like hinge and shit.
[03:05:47]  I don't really like it.
[03:05:48]  Why are you not a Raya?
[03:05:49]  I don't know.
[03:05:50]  I think it's a personal thing.
[03:05:50]  You don't want to get married.
[03:05:51]  That's bro.
[03:05:52]  I'm fucking, man.
[03:05:54]  I think it's a personal journey.
[03:05:55]  I'm trying to get wife up.
[03:05:56]  He is.
[03:05:57]  He wants love.
[03:05:57]  I want love.
[03:05:58]  I want love too to be.
[03:05:59]  I want to come back from a weekend in Omaha.
[03:06:01]  She's like, how was it?
[03:06:01]  And you're like, oh, it's the best thing I've ever done.
[03:06:03]  Get on like match.com or someplace wherever that's where you find girls.
[03:06:07]  Oh, that's true.
[03:06:08]  If you're in the DMs, like, you know, those are just fans.
[03:06:10]  I just want to fuck you.
[03:06:11]  That's true.
[03:06:12]  That's a very great point.
[03:06:13]  Yeah.
[03:06:15]  Yeah.
[03:06:16]  There's a Raya for me has been great just in terms of like trying to like actually want dates with actual women and trying to like find some shit.
[03:06:24]  Yeah.
[03:06:24]  But, but yeah, DMs are to your point, just like fans interactions.
[03:06:28]  But it's yes.
[03:06:29]  For me, it's just like, it's just DMs and Raya.
[03:06:32]  So you're not trying to settle down.
[03:06:35]  A lot of DMs are you mainly send and then occasionally get.
[03:06:40]  My DMs are just the most dry.
[03:06:42]  These are hilarious.
[03:06:43]  He says this shit all the time.
[03:06:44]  And I'm like, oh, he is getting you could look through right now.
[03:06:48]  Because he's trying to get everybody together.
[03:06:50]  Dudes, people trying to be funny.
[03:06:52]  We could look right now.
[03:06:53]  He's like, babe, babe, my DMs are so dry.
[03:06:57]  All the time.
[03:06:58]  After shows, like weekends, DMs kind of crazy.
[03:07:01]  But it also just depends because sometimes you have a good show and there's nothing.
[03:07:06]  And sometimes you're going to be able to do it.
[03:07:07]  Well, certain cities are going to be like, oh, I'm in Chicago.
[03:07:09]  It's going to be crazy.
[03:07:10]  And then it'll give you nothing because I'll find them.
[03:07:12]  Fine.
[03:07:14]  This girl that'll be like mentioned you in your story, but there's been like two or three random crazy people, but huh?
[03:07:20]  That's flirting.
[03:07:20]  The mention is a bit of comedy clip.
[03:07:23]  That's flirting.
[03:07:25]  Do you understand?
[03:07:26]  You think every time a girl posts a comedy clip, she wants to fuck the person she's posting?
[03:07:29]  Yes.
[03:07:29]  Yes.
[03:07:30]  And you just heard it from everybody here.
[03:07:34]  He just fighted this.
[03:07:35]  I get mad dude to post that about.
[03:07:36]  They're trying to be.
[03:07:38]  Yeah, that too.
[03:07:38]  Yeah.
[03:07:39]  That's where the theory falls apart.
[03:07:40]  No.
[03:07:41]  Either they're just fans or some of them are gay.
[03:07:43]  But when a woman goes that extra effort to tag you in it, it's a tag.
[03:07:47]  That's the part that it is.
[03:07:48]  If you just share it, then it's funny.
[03:07:49]  What's the tag?
[03:07:50]  It's so funny.
[03:07:51]  You guys have such low opinions of women, dude.
[03:07:52]  It's just, it disgusts.
[03:07:54]  Jesus Christ, man.
[03:07:56]  That's a disgusting.
[03:07:57]  I like how you do women.
[03:07:58]  I don't like how you slip this up.
[03:07:59]  These are objects of high value.
[03:08:01]  No, no, no.
[03:08:02]  Take off high value.
[03:08:03]  These are objects.
[03:08:07]  I've been back.
[03:08:09]  There you go.
[03:08:10]  That's what you found on the line.
[03:08:12]  Terry, thank you, bitch.
[03:08:13]  Seriously, you're talking about hoes.
[03:08:14]  Don't talk to robots like that, man.
[03:08:16]  They're going to take over the world.
[03:08:17]  I do believe that.
[03:08:18]  Yo, I looked at my phone earlier.
[03:08:20]  I've asked you guys all the things I want to ask you about.
[03:08:22]  Got you to talk about Lyft.
[03:08:24]  Got you to talk about punk.
[03:08:25]  Got you to talk about this wonderful prank that I did on you.
[03:08:27]  Yeah.
[03:08:27]  That was cruel, but very funny.
[03:08:29]  Is there anything else you guys want to say?
[03:08:30]  Are we ready to get this show on the road?
[03:08:33]  Man, I think that's it for me.
[03:08:35]  I want to plug the special.
[03:08:36]  November 14th.
[03:08:37]  Amazon Prime video.
[03:08:38]  Teradactyl, Trevor Wallace.
[03:08:39]  And just thanks for having us, man.
[03:08:40]  Teradactyl spelled with a P. P and a Y. You know what else is P and a Y?
[03:08:44]  Posing.
[03:08:45]  Hey.
[03:08:48]  Teradactyl, November 14th, Amazon Prime.
[03:08:50]  Wonderful.
[03:08:51]  And socials, you probably know his socials already.
[03:08:54]  Trevor Wallace across everything.
[03:08:55]  Michael Blau signs on tour like crazy.
[03:08:57]  And then Michael Blau.
[03:08:59]  You have just shot a special as well.
[03:09:00]  You and I shot our special.
[03:09:02]  Yes.
[03:09:02]  I feel like our careers are on very similar to Jeffrey's ups and downs.
[03:09:05]  It's great.
[03:09:05]  And it's crazy that we both filmed a special on the same month.
[03:09:08]  Yeah, yeah.
[03:09:09]  So you just filmed your special.
[03:09:10]  Do you have a title or anything like that?
[03:09:11]  I do not have a title and I do not have a date, but it will, all that information will be released very shortly.
[03:09:16]  YouTube is Blau Comedy.
[03:09:18]  Everything's Blau Comedy.
[03:09:20]  Come see your boy on tour.
[03:09:22]  Random lady's hair on her socks.
[03:09:24]  Pretty cool.
[03:09:25]  This guy fucks.
[03:09:25]  Yeah.
[03:09:26]  This guy fucks.
[03:09:27]  You got the dog socks with the dogs.
[03:09:29]  Hey, the bitches on the socks.
[03:09:32]  Hey.
[03:09:33]  I will say, man, thank you so much for having us.
[03:09:35]  Objectionable.
[03:09:36]  Okay.
[03:09:37]  It's been so fun.
[03:09:38]  Thank you.
[03:09:38]  My God.
[03:09:39]  Love it.
[03:09:39]  Thank you.
[03:09:40]  Wow.
[03:09:40]  So fucking happy.
[03:09:41]  Thank you for having us, man.
[03:09:41]  I was on here years ago.
[03:09:42]  It's great to see you guys again, man.
[03:09:43]  Thank you guys.
[03:09:44]  Love you, man.
[03:09:45]  Thank you so much.
[03:09:45]  Of course, dude.
[03:09:46]  Of course.
[03:09:47]  We out.
[03:09:47]  Flagrant 2.
[03:09:48]  No, also check out the Patreon, flagrant2.com slash Patreon.
[03:09:51]  Then our Patreon.
[03:09:53]  We're going to record right now.
[03:09:55]  What did I say?
[03:09:57]  Flagrant2.com slash patreon.com slash flagrant or flagrant2.
[03:10:01]  Check out patreon.com slash stiff socks.
[03:10:04]  I almost did it again.
[03:10:05]  I almost said stiffsocks.com slash Patreon.
[03:10:06]  Stiff Socks Five on Patreon.
[03:10:08]  Hi.
[03:10:08]  I held it together better.
[03:10:09]  Stiff Socks Five.
[03:10:10]  Yep.
[03:10:11]  Every Wednesday, Patreon, fucking Fridays.
[03:10:13]  Guys, go check it out.
[03:10:14]  Peace.
[03:10:15]  Love you, everybody.