Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Whitney Cummings ROASTED Donald Trump
Aired: 2022-07-26
Duration: 01:47:34


=== Joan Rivers Roasts Trump (14:34) ===

[00:00:00]  Joan Rivers is so old, her has a separate entrance for black.
[00:00:05]  Did you meet Trump when you roasted him?
[00:00:06]  Yes.
[00:00:07]  So we're shooting at New York.
[00:00:08]  We're talking about making fun of his hair.
[00:00:09]  We're making fun of his.
[00:00:10]  And he was like dying, laughing the whole time.
[00:00:12]  Get off stage, and he pulls me close, puts his hand on my lower back, and goes, great television.
[00:00:17]  Like we were in on it together.
[00:00:18]  Any other interaction with him?
[00:00:20]  Not really.
[00:00:20]  He did ask for my number, though.
[00:00:21]  No, he didn't.
[00:00:22]  Yeah, but he didn't call me that.
[00:00:23]  Now, do you feel a sense of rejection that he didn't reach out?
[00:00:25]  Yeah.
[00:00:26]  My easy to grab.
[00:00:30]  American rap music is done.
[00:00:32]  Let's go.
[00:00:33]  I don't want to hear no more American rappers.
[00:00:36]  Florida doesn't count.
[00:00:37]  Thank you.
[00:00:38]  American rap music is done.
[00:00:40]  It's UK rap only.
[00:00:42]  Okay.
[00:00:43]  From now on.
[00:00:43]  Okay.
[00:00:44]  Can you spit it?
[00:00:46]  We just practiced it.
[00:00:47]  Can you spit it?
[00:00:51]  That's not bad.
[00:00:51]  You know, I finally killed that.
[00:00:55]  All I'm trying to say is we heard one song from Central C.
[00:00:59]  We don't have the lyrics up.
[00:01:00]  We just look into the distance.
[00:01:01]  Yeah.
[00:01:02]  Can we rap it without playing?
[00:01:04]  I'm going to hit the what if I hit the instrumental?
[00:01:06]  Don't because it's going to get taken down.
[00:01:07]  Instrumental even?
[00:01:08]  How can I be homophobic?
[00:01:10]  My bitch is gay.
[00:01:12]  Hit men in the top test in the suffering.
[00:01:15]  Fucking my brothers said I love it, but I don't swing that way.
[00:01:19]  The man didn't celebrate Eve.
[00:01:20]  The traps don't reddit on Christmas Day.
[00:01:23]  Yeah, that shit is fucked UK rap, bro.
[00:01:25]  They got no rhythm.
[00:01:26]  They don't understand how to rap it all.
[00:01:28]  Fix your teeth.
[00:01:28]  Listen, we're here.
[00:01:30]  Yo.
[00:01:31]  Yo.
[00:01:32]  Yo, that was just.
[00:01:33]  Old school.
[00:01:35]  Take those people on bad teeth.
[00:01:39]  What are they going to do, Al?
[00:01:40]  Yeah.
[00:01:40]  They're going to share a gun amongst the six men.
[00:01:43]  They come with knives.
[00:01:44]  They still use knives.
[00:01:45]  Whatever.
[00:01:46]  They get stuck up.
[00:01:47]  Listen, we're here with the one and only Whitney Cummins.
[00:01:53]  Thank you.
[00:01:54]  Whitney's got a special.
[00:01:55]  It's out right now, Netflix.
[00:01:56]  We're going to check it out right now.
[00:01:57]  No, actually, Andrew just bought it.
[00:01:59]  Oh, nice.
[00:02:01]  I bought the special.
[00:02:02]  You bought it back from her special.
[00:02:05]  Exactly.
[00:02:06]  You get Whitney's special.
[00:02:07]  If you buy my special, you also get Whitney's special if you just log into Netflix and watch that shit.
[00:02:12]  I'm so stoked that you're here.
[00:02:13]  Thank you so much for coming.
[00:02:14]  I love you.
[00:02:14]  You're amazing.
[00:02:14]  I love you so much.
[00:02:15]  And for those of you that think I'm the transporn star that was on a few episodes ago, I'm not.
[00:02:20]  Damn it.
[00:02:21]  I'm not.
[00:02:26]  I don't think the transporn star is back.
[00:02:28]  I can tell because Alex is less attracted to you.
[00:02:31]  But he did wear his nail polish.
[00:02:34]  Come on, I came in fit and shit.
[00:02:35]  Can you give me an honest opinion on this?
[00:02:37]  I think it's sexy.
[00:02:38]  Oh, stop, Whitney.
[00:02:40]  What are you talking about?
[00:02:40]  But I feel like you didn't paint the one that would go into a pussy.
[00:02:45]  Well, because he doesn't need that.
[00:02:52]  Some is painted dark.
[00:02:57]  Whitney, I'm so happy that you're here.
[00:02:59]  There's no uh-oh.
[00:03:00]  There's no got you.
[00:03:01]  There's no nothing.
[00:03:02]  Yes, there is.
[00:03:03]  Okay.
[00:03:04]  Let me phrase it like that.
[00:03:05]  What?
[00:03:07]  You said, oh, like there's going to be something bad.
[00:03:09]  There's absolutely nothing bad.
[00:03:10]  I'm just so stoked that you're here.
[00:03:12]  And I'm buying time until I can ask you how old you are.
[00:03:19]  How old are you?
[00:03:20]  39.
[00:03:21]  Let's go.
[00:03:23]  Everybody thinks I'm so.
[00:03:24]  You look younger on my podcast.
[00:03:26]  You think?
[00:03:27]  100% you look younger here.
[00:03:28]  Right now?
[00:03:29]  Because you're around like-aged people.
[00:03:31]  So you just look good.
[00:03:32]  You know what I mean?
[00:03:33]  38, 38, 39, soon.
[00:03:35]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:03:36]  You're like 40, Mark.
[00:03:37]  But you're looking young 30s now.
[00:03:38]  But when we were on your podcast.
[00:03:41]  What was going on?
[00:03:42]  Yo, dude, it was crazy out there.
[00:03:45]  I think my skin's ashier out there.
[00:03:47]  No, it's not that.
[00:03:48]  It's the animals.
[00:03:49]  It's the house.
[00:03:50]  It's the vibe.
[00:03:51]  Everything about it is like it's time to die.
[00:03:55]  Do you know what I'm saying?
[00:03:56]  You have all your animals.
[00:03:58]  Have like you keep, you go look out that way.
[00:04:00]  There's nobody there.
[00:04:00]  You're like, What is this?
[00:04:01]  A burial ground?
[00:04:03]  What are you preparing for?
[00:04:04]  I'm literally out to pass.
[00:04:06]  I send myself out.
[00:04:08]  I'll just show myself out.
[00:04:09]  But here, you're looking so young, you're so vibrant, and everything is going on.
[00:04:12]  You also like don't have blue hair anymore.
[00:04:14]  You also don't know how to take compliments.
[00:04:16]  That's another thing.
[00:04:18]  That was a bitch.
[00:04:19]  I know that from Chelsea means that means the shoes are.
[00:04:23]  That wasn't a compliment.
[00:04:24]  Hey, hey, you look less shitty.
[00:04:27]  Hey, you look like shit in your own home.
[00:04:30]  And then you come here once every six years and looked better.
[00:04:34]  I didn't hear it like that.
[00:04:36]  This is the nicest thing a comedian's ever said to me.
[00:04:38]  Let me have it.
[00:04:39]  No, but I think that we should work on this.
[00:04:40]  This is a good idea.
[00:04:41]  I'm going to give you a real compliment.
[00:04:43]  Okay.
[00:04:43]  And then you don't, even your face right here.
[00:04:46]  It's not your face to do it.
[00:04:47]  Your face is going like this.
[00:04:48]  It's like Botox.
[00:04:49]  It's moving now, isn't it?
[00:04:52]  Okay.
[00:04:53]  Just take it and know that it's real and know that you took this.
[00:04:57]  This is so good.
[00:05:00]  Comedians cannot take compliments.
[00:05:03]  We love praise, but we cannot.
[00:05:05]  Look, ready, ready?
[00:05:06]  Do you remember how I told you to propose?
[00:05:07]  Don't push your wife.
[00:05:08]  Don't push.
[00:05:09]  Do you remember how I told you?
[00:05:10]  I think you became the dominant.
[00:05:11]  Is this the thing?
[00:05:12]  I'm not one of your dogs.
[00:05:13]  I'm not a pitfall as you.
[00:05:15]  I'm not a pitfall.
[00:05:16]  Everything is like a high position, a pointing down.
[00:05:20]  I just tried to give you COVID.
[00:05:21]  Okay.
[00:05:22]  Do you remember how I told him?
[00:05:23]  Don't change the subject.
[00:05:24]  Let him compliment you.
[00:05:25]  The way I told him to propose to his wife was so fucking sociopathic, and you pointed it out to me.
[00:05:30]  I was like, you know what, you should do that?
[00:05:31]  This was crazy.
[00:05:32]  Wasn't this what I said while she's sleeping?
[00:05:34]  You should put it on her finger while she's sleeping.
[00:05:36]  You should wake up and see it.
[00:05:37]  Yeah.
[00:05:38]  And I was like, oh, the rapiest way to like just removing consent completely from a woman.
[00:05:44]  You're married now.
[00:05:45]  Wake up.
[00:05:46]  You have a tune.
[00:05:47]  You said yes in your sleep.
[00:05:49]  You don't want to give her the option to say no.
[00:05:51]  That's where you come from.
[00:05:52]  You're like, lots of ways romantic, but I'm really forcing you into my life forever.
[00:05:56]  I just couldn't figure out a way to do it, then took out the icons.
[00:05:59]  Yes.
[00:05:59]  Remember when you were engaged and then you realized that that was a horrible idea?
[00:06:04]  Yes.
[00:06:05]  That's not a compliment.
[00:06:06]  I do.
[00:06:07]  That was a compliment.
[00:06:09]  But I do know why they give you a diamond.
[00:06:11]  That makes you think twice and throws you off.
[00:06:14]  Why live?
[00:06:15]  Because a guy gets out of one knee.
[00:06:16]  It'll make you feel comfortable.
[00:06:20]  The guy gets out of one knee and it's like, well, you marry, if there was no diamond, you'd be like, I don't know.
[00:06:25]  But then you see that shit and you're like, how it's.
[00:06:29]  You know, you can afford diamonds.
[00:06:30]  That's the tricky thing.
[00:06:31]  What kind of diamond is he going to get?
[00:06:32]  By any strategy.
[00:06:33]  Do you want to know how rich you are?
[00:06:35]  Do I know how?
[00:06:35]  No, no.
[00:06:36]  People.
[00:06:37]  People think I have like a comical amount of money.
[00:06:40]  They don't know about all the family members I've had to put in rehab and all the random Venmo requests I get for new teeth.
[00:06:46]  Wait, what?
[00:06:47]  Yeah, this is.
[00:06:48]  You covered a couple sets of teeth.
[00:06:49]  Just random people?
[00:06:50]  Random people.
[00:06:51]  Family members, you said though.
[00:06:52]  A couple family members.
[00:06:53]  You know what?
[00:06:54]  Close family members are like.
[00:06:56]  You know what?
[00:06:57]  You're a kind person.
[00:06:59]  Thank you.
[00:07:00]  You're welcome.
[00:07:01]  And you have great arms.
[00:07:07]  I can't take it.
[00:07:09]  She can't tell why.
[00:07:10]  What happened in the days when comedians would just pull out their dick and good old days?
[00:07:16]  This is that.
[00:07:16]  The problem is they wouldn't move on.
[00:07:18]  Dude, that is.
[00:07:19]  Move it.
[00:07:21]  That is the most uncomfortable I've ever been around a comedian.
[00:07:23]  Stop calling Ronan Farrell.
[00:07:25]  Selfie made eye contact with me and gave me a compliment.
[00:07:29]  I'm triggered.
[00:07:30]  Two compliments.
[00:07:31]  Guys, this is the last week to get the special.
[00:07:33]  I want to thank you all so much for spreading the word.
[00:07:35]  It's been absolutely amazing.
[00:07:36]  The response has been unbelievable.
[00:07:39]  The support is just incredible, man.
[00:07:41]  Thank you all so much.
[00:07:42]  Infamous, theandrewschultz.com.
[00:07:45]  Go to the website right now, get it.
[00:07:46]  The last day to get it is July 31st.
[00:07:49]  So make sure you get it by then.
[00:07:50]  Thank you guys so much.
[00:07:52]  Once again, it feels amazing that so many of you have gone out there and done this.
[00:07:57]  And I've avoided bankruptcy, which is really productive for my life and marriage and career.
[00:08:04]  So that means a lot to me.
[00:08:06]  Thank you very much.
[00:08:07]  DanielSchultz.com, infamous.
[00:08:09]  Let's run this thing the fuck up.
[00:08:11]  Peace.
[00:08:12]  You know, it's funny is she took your kind well, but then when he complimented her looks, she fucking broke.
[00:08:16]  That's what it was.
[00:08:16]  I knew it was fun.
[00:08:18]  He went for the arms.
[00:08:18]  He didn't go for the face.
[00:08:20]  He didn't go for the body.
[00:08:21]  He just went arms.
[00:08:22]  I love how a faithful guy compliments a woman.
[00:08:24]  Yeah.
[00:08:24]  You can't say you have a beautiful face because you have a wife that's going to be like, but you're wearing shoes so he can't see your foot.
[00:08:29]  Yeah.
[00:08:29]  I don't think that's what you're doing.
[00:08:30]  That's what your feet look like, bro.
[00:08:33]  I could draw your feet.
[00:08:34]  Obviously, I could draw your feet.
[00:08:35]  Like, if I needed to draw your feet right now, I guess I could draw.
[00:08:38]  I picked them out in the lineup immediately.
[00:08:40]  It's not even a big deal.
[00:08:41]  You're, I bet, a big foot person.
[00:08:43]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:08:44]  You bet.
[00:08:45]  Are you a gambling woman?
[00:08:47]  You want them to be well taken care of, but you don't want to fuck them or put them in your mouth.
[00:08:52]  No, I don't like, I don't want to fuck feet.
[00:08:54]  Okay.
[00:08:56]  Do we know what that is?
[00:08:57]  I don't know if I want to fuck feet.
[00:08:59]  Did you see how easy this is?
[00:09:01]  Don't do that.
[00:09:01]  That's it.
[00:09:01]  Don't do that.
[00:09:02]  Don't do that.
[00:09:03]  Nike.
[00:09:03]  I made a little pussy between your feet.
[00:09:06]  Yo, why Nike don't make a little pussy between the feet like that, bro?
[00:09:09]  I didn't know Nike did that.
[00:09:10]  Yo, if you really want to go crazy, you flip it like that.
[00:09:13]  That's how you make the butthole.
[00:09:14]  But dude, the butthole.
[00:09:18]  Just see, bro.
[00:09:19]  What happened?
[00:09:20]  My pussy is also offline.
[00:09:22]  Wait a minute.
[00:09:24]  So this makes birth.
[00:09:26]  Wait a minute.
[00:09:27]  Hold on one second.
[00:09:28]  That's how you fuck feet.
[00:09:28]  That's how you do it.
[00:09:29]  Have you done that?
[00:09:30]  Because you're down to do weird shit.
[00:09:31]  I'm down to do weird shit.
[00:09:32]  Not because you like it, because you think the guy likes it.
[00:09:34]  Well, yeah, but if someone fucks your feet, you might risk making a breath.
[00:09:37]  You're not on a boat.
[00:09:38]  You're not on a boat.
[00:09:39]  Right now.
[00:09:40]  You're like doing the whole thing.
[00:09:41]  Trying to hold your legs up.
[00:09:42]  I'm doing the biggest kegle of my life.
[00:09:44]  Okay, good.
[00:09:53]  I'm like, there it is.
[00:09:54]  Did you hear it?
[00:09:54]  That's what we wanted to get to.
[00:09:56]  Okay.
[00:09:56]  Okay.
[00:09:57]  How long is too long to wait before Anal?
[00:10:02]  Is that the sound of it?
[00:10:06]  Stop like that.
[00:10:07]  Go no further.
[00:10:09]  It's tricky because I just, the whole thing with Anal is like, let's just have a conversation.
[00:10:15]  What the fuck were you doing?
[00:10:18]  That was the crazy shit.
[00:10:22]  What were you thinking?
[00:10:23]  I don't know what you were thinking.
[00:10:26]  You just like, you guys, this is very expensive.
[00:10:29]  Baby blood.
[00:10:30]  Hold on.
[00:10:32]  Do you know how many babies I had to kill for this?
[00:10:34]  That chrome.
[00:10:35]  Look, I thought the top was still on.
[00:10:38]  Yep.
[00:10:38]  And I saw that there was some sediment at the bottom.
[00:10:40]  And I was trying to mix it for you.
[00:10:42]  Sure.
[00:10:42]  Okay.
[00:10:43]  You're a retard, dude.
[00:10:45]  I'm chivalrous.
[00:10:46]  You can't wait.
[00:10:48]  Wait till then.
[00:10:51]  Maybe she wants to drink it during the guy's nuts.
[00:10:53]  She's usually nuts.
[00:10:57]  Carrotop is about to sue you for stealing his joke.
[00:11:02]  Like you're about to get a cease and desist, dude.
[00:11:05]  I'll keep doing my piss.
[00:11:06]  But I'm being serious here.
[00:11:08]  Here's the thing.
[00:11:09]  I'm trying to.
[00:11:10]  I clearly.
[00:11:11]  I mean too.
[00:11:13]  How long did I pour it before I realized that was kind of weird?
[00:11:18]  I poured it out and I was like, that shouldn't be happening.
[00:11:20]  And then half of it just left.
[00:11:22]  Right?
[00:11:23]  It was an extended period of time.
[00:11:25]  I feel like you were doing the math on this studio, how much it cost.
[00:11:29]  Yeah.
[00:11:29]  As you were pouring it out on.
[00:11:31]  I was calculating it.
[00:11:32]  I was calculating it 100%.
[00:11:34]  Why do you pour it into the plants so they'd come back alive?
[00:11:39]  Whitney?
[00:11:40]  What?
[00:11:40]  You're looking at me.
[00:11:41]  No, no, no, stop.
[00:11:41]  It's not dark.
[00:11:42]  No, it's not worse.
[00:11:43]  You're making it work.
[00:11:44]  How can I be home, my fool bit?
[00:11:47]  My bitch is good.
[00:11:49]  What was that Peaky Blinders?
[00:11:50]  Scottish.
[00:11:52]  How old can I be?
[00:11:53]  That matches Japanese, bro.
[00:11:55]  Who just spilled?
[00:11:56]  Did you also spill and then you just got your phone?
[00:12:01]  He made eye contact with me.
[00:12:03]  Jesus Christ, Whitney.
[00:12:05]  Have you actually ever squared a hand as a skin?
[00:12:06]  You know what?
[00:12:08]  I don't, I made myself answering seriously.
[00:12:14]  Hold on one second.
[00:12:15]  I love watching.
[00:12:16]  Hold on.
[00:12:17]  Do you have a little unclean off the table in a good way?
[00:12:19]  No, no, no, he doesn't.
[00:12:20]  He doesn't.
[00:12:20]  I'm analyzing the fact that he's wiping it up, but then afterwards, no one realizes that it's sugary water and it's all going to be.
[00:12:27]  The ants are going to come out.
[00:12:28]  It's not going to be bad.
[00:12:30]  No, it's not that bad.
[00:12:32]  He's just hyped up.
[00:12:33]  But yeah, you just got to do it.
[00:12:34]  He's right.
[00:12:34]  No, he's the guy that doesn't like it.
[00:12:37]  It looks like he just cleaned up my abortion.
[00:12:39]  Not that we can have it.
[00:12:40]  Listen.
[00:12:41]  Listen.
[00:12:42]  Listen, Whitney.
[00:12:43]  We are a pro.
[00:12:44]  That's a heavy dick.
[00:12:45]  What are we on this podcast?
[00:12:46]  How do we feel about abortion?
[00:12:47]  We're pro.
[00:12:48]  We're pro.
[00:12:48]  Oh, pro-abortion.
[00:12:49]  Whoa, We're just pro.
[00:12:51]  We're just pro.
[00:12:52]  We're pro on this podcast.
[00:12:54]  Okay.
[00:12:55]  That's all you need to know.
[00:12:57]  Don't tread on me.
[00:13:00]  Don't you?
[00:13:01]  Did you tread on my fucking zygotes?
[00:13:04]  Okay, well, let's have a serious discussion.
[00:13:05]  Okay.
[00:13:07]  As you hold what looks like a bloody towel.
[00:13:10]  Okay, speaking of.
[00:13:11]  It looks like you just performed a back alley abortion.
[00:13:13]  Okay.
[00:13:14]  How many, how many, who's the best abortion doctor in LA?
[00:13:20]  Who's the best?
[00:13:20]  The best abortion doctor.
[00:13:21]  Who's the best?
[00:13:22]  Dr. Dre.
[00:13:28]  Oh, my God.
[00:13:30]  He turns them out.
[00:13:33]  Oh, wow.
[00:13:34]  The other beats by Dre.
[00:13:35]  Can I drink some of this?
[00:13:36]  That was good.
[00:13:37]  That was good.
[00:13:38]  Heartbeats by Dre.
[00:13:41]  Can I drink some of this or do you want to pour more?
[00:13:43]  No, no.
[00:13:44]  You can drink some of it.
[00:13:45]  You can drink some of it.
[00:13:46]  Okay.
[00:13:47]  Listen, we're getting to the real, like, harsh topics.
[00:13:50]  Okay.
[00:13:50]  Which is that your white sneakers have a little stain on them.
[00:13:53]  They're a little bit stained.
[00:13:55]  So can they cancel?
[00:13:56]  Okay.
[00:13:56]  Listen, the men then celebrate Eid.
[00:13:58]  The strap's still running on Christmas Day.
[00:14:00]  Sam is still running on Christmas Day.
[00:14:02]  Do you remember when I had to explain to it?
[00:14:04]  What is it?
[00:14:05]  Okay.
[00:14:06]  I had to explain Eid to you.
[00:14:07]  So you didn't know that that song begins with an Eve sample that's a little rare.
[00:14:11]  What is happening?
[00:14:13]  Looking at the black guy.
[00:14:14]  What's the call?
[00:14:15]  This is you trying to deter from the fact that you didn't know something.
[00:14:18]  I knew.
[00:14:19]  Oh, God damn.
[00:14:21]  She didn't body me.
[00:14:22]  She did.
[00:14:23]  She just fucking bodied me.
[00:14:27]  What does that mean?
[00:14:28]  Topless.
[00:14:28]  So they're topless.
[00:14:29]  Something.
[00:14:32]  The strap is topless.

=== Zuckerberg's Summer Titties (07:55) ===

[00:14:34]  What?
[00:14:34]  This is topless thing.
[00:14:35]  He smoked it.
[00:14:36]  Yeah.
[00:14:37]  You did compliment my boobs last time I saw you.
[00:14:39]  Did I look cool?
[00:14:40]  But not in a gross way.
[00:14:41]  What did I say?
[00:14:41]  You were like, you have summer titties.
[00:14:44]  I did say.
[00:14:44]  I didn't know what that meant.
[00:14:45]  You do have summer titties.
[00:14:46]  What does that mean?
[00:14:47]  Well, in the winter.
[00:14:49]  No.
[00:14:50]  Yep.
[00:14:54]  Okay.
[00:14:55]  So in the winter.
[00:14:56]  Okay.
[00:14:57]  They get hard, the nipples?
[00:14:59]  No.
[00:15:00]  Okay.
[00:15:01]  You have what are called summer titties.
[00:15:03]  Okay.
[00:15:04]  In the winter, your titties are actually smaller.
[00:15:07]  Is it like balls in cold water?
[00:15:09]  No.
[00:15:10]  Okay.
[00:15:10]  More like railroads.
[00:15:12]  You know how they have to create the gaps between the railroad tracks because they expand?
[00:15:16]  Oh, and like bridges.
[00:15:17]  Yeah.
[00:15:17]  So in the winter, your titties actually separate a little bit more.
[00:15:22]  And then more like under the pits.
[00:15:23]  Come summer, the cleavage, you're all cleavage.
[00:15:28]  Come May.
[00:15:30]  But I didn't know.
[00:15:32]  February!
[00:15:33]  Your titties are running away.
[00:15:34]  You know what?
[00:15:35]  This is a very good point, but also my titties are fake.
[00:15:39]  So they go no place ever.
[00:15:42]  That's not true.
[00:15:44]  When I lay down, they just, they're like crocodile eyes coming out of a pond.
[00:15:49]  Like they are right.
[00:15:52]  They don't, you know, like natural titties, they they disappear like as soon as you lay down, they smelly doder, yeah, yeah.
[00:15:58]  They're like, bitch, I did my job.
[00:15:59]  Okay, wait a minute, they do disappear, do they?
[00:16:02]  They're gone, gone, yeah, into like some invisible pocket where no one really questions at all.
[00:16:08]  Y'all are still looking for aliens, and we don't know where titties go.
[00:16:11]  That's what you were doing the winner, not anymore.
[00:16:14]  I didn't notice that at the wedding, I didn't notice titty separation.
[00:16:16]  I also couldn't get past her hair, dude.
[00:16:18]  My titties were fucking wild at this wedding.
[00:16:20]  And my hair, I know, we said, No, the outfit.
[00:16:22]  We talked about her stupid outfit.
[00:16:24]  I looked like trans Chucky.
[00:16:26]  Yeah, we designed the studio after you get a picture of her outfit at the wedding.
[00:16:34]  It was absolutely insane.
[00:16:36]  I was also kind of in Indian face.
[00:16:38]  I had a self-tanner on and it was like peeling off of my neck.
[00:16:42]  And we didn't notice until later when we looked at the photos.
[00:16:44]  Oh, yeah.
[00:16:45]  So I am sorry.
[00:16:46]  I didn't get past the hair.
[00:16:47]  I didn't understand what was happening.
[00:16:48]  I was like, this is a 39-year-old.
[00:16:51]  You have a good reason for doing that hair.
[00:16:53]  Yeah.
[00:16:54]  And I also think that, like, you're someone that I really did.
[00:16:57]  Did I?
[00:16:57]  Do you?
[00:16:58]  Yeah.
[00:16:58]  How do you feel that way?
[00:17:00]  Like, how do you feel?
[00:17:02]  Did you see why I called him out on his compliment?
[00:17:04]  Because he'll be like, you had a really good point about that, or did you?
[00:17:08]  No, you didn't.
[00:17:08]  My whole compliment and then he'll take it back to me.
[00:17:10]  But I just.
[00:17:11]  Can I say?
[00:17:12]  Yeah.
[00:17:12]  Can I say the thing?
[00:17:13]  I asked you why are you doing the stuff with the hair?
[00:17:15]  Yeah.
[00:17:15]  And you said that, you know, it was tough times during COVID.
[00:17:18]  Yeah.
[00:17:18]  And you were just telling some of the people who work with you and do some of your like styling like hair stuff.
[00:17:24]  You're like, what's the most expensive procedure you can do?
[00:17:26]  Do it.
[00:17:27]  Procedure.
[00:17:28]  Okay.
[00:17:28]  Easy.
[00:17:28]  What is it called?
[00:17:29]  Like hair style.
[00:17:32]  You basically were like, I want to put money in people's pockets without just giving it to them.
[00:17:35]  A lot of my friends were losing their jobs because they were hairstylists.
[00:17:38]  They were makeup artists.
[00:17:39]  You know what I mean?
[00:17:40]  Because in the beginning, if you worked within proximities of other people, it was like people were moving home, losing their insurance.
[00:17:45]  I'm an American hero.
[00:17:46]  It's fine.
[00:17:46]  And then I was like, can I do this through my corps and can we start up an LLC for you?
[00:17:54]  Thanks so much.
[00:17:55]  And then I just started getting lots of likes.
[00:17:57]  And so after that, it just became more that.
[00:18:01]  But also, it's like, I think that during the pandemic, if you didn't go a little crazy or I was kind of like, entertainers are supposed to entertain.
[00:18:07]  I'm not going to do Zoom shows.
[00:18:08]  I'm going to keep doing stand-up.
[00:18:10]  And I want every time someone sees my page, I'm not going to be like, hey, guys, I'm so depressed.
[00:18:14]  I'm just going to be like, here's my fucking blue hair.
[00:18:16]  Here's, you know what I mean?
[00:18:18]  Roast me, make fun of me.
[00:18:19]  I don't give a shit.
[00:18:20]  I'm an entertainer first.
[00:18:21]  Yeah, I hear you.
[00:18:23]  What?
[00:18:24]  You're looking for something else.
[00:18:25]  There's, I'm not looking for anything else.
[00:18:26]  You get a little bit addicted to it because people don't talk to you in public when you have a woman and you have blue hair.
[00:18:33]  People are like, oh, fuck.
[00:18:34]  Like, she's going through something.
[00:18:35]  It's like the curve episode where Larry put on the MAGA hat.
[00:18:37]  Yes.
[00:18:37]  Yes, dude.
[00:18:38]  No one asks you to like watch their kids or do anything.
[00:18:41]  It's like kind of great.
[00:18:42]  You do have to deal with people like texting you every now and then, like, are you okay?
[00:18:45]  But that's fine.
[00:18:47]  I did have to, I did have to make sure if you were okay.
[00:18:49]  A couple times.
[00:18:50]  Yeah.
[00:18:50]  Yeah.
[00:18:51]  I did.
[00:18:51]  But what happens when you guys see a girl have pink hair, blue hair?
[00:18:55]  What happens?
[00:18:56]  You just think that's well, it's not just crazy.
[00:18:59]  I judge her rich, dude.
[00:19:00]  It's a lot to maintain.
[00:19:02]  I only judge their fathers.
[00:19:04]  Okay.
[00:19:07]  You're like, just call your dad.
[00:19:09]  I'm like, he fucked up some of them.
[00:19:11]  There's a, if you trace this all the way back.
[00:19:13]  Okay.
[00:19:13]  So if you see a girl with like blue hair, you're just like, this person's broken.
[00:19:17]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:19:18]  If you upstream it, it all starts at the dad.
[00:19:20]  Okay, got it, got it.
[00:19:21]  Sure, sure, sure.
[00:19:22]  The safest way you can reinvent yourself.
[00:19:24]  Dye your hair.
[00:19:24]  Dye your hair.
[00:19:25]  Okay.
[00:19:25]  Now, do you think that that's sexist?
[00:19:27]  That we chalk up a woman's behavior only to the dad as if the mom can make no effect whatsoever.
[00:19:32]  Well, no, because I think the reverse sexism happens all the time with you guys, where it's like, if someone's a serial killer, they're like, well, the mom must not have let him wear her pantyhose.
[00:19:40]  You know what I mean?
[00:19:41]  So it's always a guy's fault.
[00:19:42]  Norman Bates, psycho.
[00:19:43]  So wait, are all serial killers trans, but they're not out?
[00:19:47]  Well, no, did you see Mindhunter?
[00:19:48]  The um is that what you just said as a statement?
[00:19:50]  No, there's a lot of.
[00:19:51]  Did you make that statement on Flagrant?
[00:19:53]  Oh my God.
[00:19:53]  No, but we're going to get the Ted Bundy clip back up.
[00:19:58]  Give me a voice.
[00:19:59]  Go, Zuckerberg.
[00:20:01]  If I'm in it, it'll stay up.
[00:20:02]  So just let me finish.
[00:20:03]  Okay, go, I can sanitize this joke.
[00:20:07]  Go.
[00:20:08]  If they take a woman down, they're silencing a woman and I can accuse Jeff of rape.
[00:20:12]  Oh, wow.
[00:20:14]  Who's Jeff?
[00:20:15]  Zuckerberg?
[00:20:16]  Is that his first name?
[00:20:17]  He just said his name.
[00:20:18]  Mark Zuckerberg?
[00:20:19]  He said Jeff.
[00:20:20]  Bezos.
[00:20:21]  Oh, shit.
[00:20:22]  I went to Jeffrey Katzenberg.
[00:20:25]  How is that handling Semitic?
[00:20:27]  Hold on.
[00:20:29]  Tell me about it.
[00:20:31]  My girlfriend's gay.
[00:20:32]  Wait a minute.
[00:20:40]  How can I be homo folded?
[00:20:43]  How can I be anti-Semitic?
[00:20:45]  My dude is a Jew.
[00:20:49]  I don't know who owns what anymore.
[00:20:50]  No, but didn't Katzenberg start that company or something?
[00:20:54]  Quibby.
[00:20:55]  And then how did he kill himself yet?
[00:20:57]  I joke about Jeffrey Katzenberg because he picked up so many shows.
[00:21:01]  He started a network where he was like, okay, three-minute TV shows, right?
[00:21:06]  To sort of adjust to the attention span, whatever, which this has proven people want, you know, long form as long as it's, you know.
[00:21:12]  But he signed all the emails when he would pick up a TV show, you know, his initials, JK.
[00:21:17]  And later I read into him.
[00:21:18]  I was like, oh, I thought you were signing your initials.
[00:21:20]  Turns out you were writing just kidding.
[00:21:22]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:21:23]  This is never going to work.
[00:21:24]  But did he do it with his money?
[00:21:26]  That's what I'm curious about.
[00:21:27]  That's a really good question.
[00:21:28]  No.
[00:21:28]  Come on.
[00:21:28]  Get a bunch of investors.
[00:21:30]  That's Katzenberg ain't doing nothing with his money.
[00:21:32]  His co-founder was Meg Whitman.
[00:21:35]  Right.
[00:21:35]  Another, you know, plus 60-year-old person.
[00:21:38]  He had the youth want.
[00:21:40]  No, they weren't.
[00:21:40]  What did he do, though, Katzenberg?
[00:21:42]  DreamWorks SKG.
[00:21:44]  He started DreamWorks.
[00:21:45]  Dreamworks is good.
[00:21:47]  Easy gangster.
[00:21:48]  Easy gangster.
[00:21:48]  Ran Dreamworks animation.
[00:21:50]  And I think this is where I think the inception, the idea, I mean, there was proof that it worked.
[00:21:54]  And I guess South Korea, they were already doing that.
[00:21:57]  And they tend to be sort of ahead of us in every way all the time.
[00:22:01]  And then South Korea?
[00:22:02]  South, right?
[00:22:03]  Yeah.
[00:22:04]  Yeah, that right.
[00:22:06]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:22:06]  He didn't Jeff Zuckerberg that.
[00:22:08]  You're fine.
[00:22:08]  Yeah, Zuckerberg.
[00:22:09]  That is a, I'm sorry, I was just thinking about the North.
[00:22:12]  Have you had the North Korean girl that went on Rogan?
[00:22:14]  Yeah, he wants her.
[00:22:16]  He wants her.
[00:22:17]  She's been on?
[00:22:18]  No, I want her so bad.
[00:22:20]  He wants her to do that.
[00:22:20]  That's where the heavies come from.
[00:22:22]  That little girl who ate the rats?
[00:22:25]  Yes.
[00:22:26]  Yes.
[00:22:26]  Her name is Radford.
[00:22:27]  Who talked about all the people she saw dying and she didn't help them?

=== South Korea Animation Secrets (02:33) ===

[00:22:30]  Yes.
[00:22:30]  Yes.
[00:22:32]  More rats for me.
[00:22:36]  She was talking about all the people she saw dying.
[00:22:37]  I'm like, did you lift a...
[00:22:39]  It might be a little bit fake, but also that's where the heavies go.
[00:22:44]  Those are fake.
[00:22:46]  Nancy Pelosi doesn't have heavies if we don't first learn about Yomi Park.
[00:22:50]  Well, actually, no, it's from Two Girls Deb brought to a pool party.
[00:22:53]  But still, Yomi Parks has got the super duper heavies.
[00:22:56]  Can I see another photo?
[00:22:58]  But zoom into that one because what we paid for the heavies.
[00:23:04]  You paid for the heavies.
[00:23:05]  You're getting too much into that.
[00:23:06]  It doesn't matter.
[00:23:07]  Look at that.
[00:23:08]  Barnyard boppers right there.
[00:23:10]  That looks like a butt.
[00:23:11]  Her dirts look like a butt.
[00:23:13]  Is that ultimately what is hot about tits is that you can push them together and it looks like a butt?
[00:23:17]  No, no.
[00:23:18]  Okay.
[00:23:19]  Yeah.
[00:23:19]  Is that what you thought?
[00:23:20]  Yeah, I don't.
[00:23:23]  Why?
[00:23:24]  Because I'm dating this younger guy.
[00:23:26]  You know, he's nine years younger.
[00:23:29]  Oh, I thought not.
[00:23:30]  He said, no, I'm sorry.
[00:23:31]  It's funny because he always calls me out because, you know, like, I don't know if Em ever does this to you where I'll be making jokes about him and every set he gets younger and younger.
[00:23:39]  Oh, yeah.
[00:23:40]  He's like, why do you keep going, like exaggerating this?
[00:23:42]  You know, he's how old.
[00:23:44]  He's 32.
[00:23:44]  I'm 39.
[00:23:45]  32.
[00:23:45]  32, 32.
[00:23:46]  Yeah.
[00:23:46]  Okay.
[00:23:46]  Yeah.
[00:23:47]  Yeah.
[00:23:47]  I met him.
[00:23:47]  I like him.
[00:23:48]  He's a good, chill, just normal dude.
[00:23:51]  And well, he's not normal.
[00:23:52]  Just made me get a rabies vaccine.
[00:23:54]  Did he?
[00:23:54]  The night that you were at my house.
[00:23:55]  Did you get bitten by one of your fucking rabid dogs?
[00:23:57]  Okay, no.
[00:23:59]  I hung out with Ari Shafir.
[00:24:02]  No, I did.
[00:24:04]  Now that.
[00:24:06]  Now that.
[00:24:10]  No, Jews don't go in the woods.
[00:24:12]  Well, actually, Ari does.
[00:24:13]  Ari's like always in like some random.
[00:24:15]  You're the forest, did you?
[00:24:17]  He's a fan.
[00:24:17]  Yeah, he, last time we hung out, we haven't hung out since because last time we hung out, he asked me to go on a hike and it was like a four-mile hike.
[00:24:23]  And I was like, dude, we can't be friends if this is how you socialize.
[00:24:26]  Yeah.
[00:24:26]  Yeah, like he really likes to be near the land.
[00:24:28]  Yeah.
[00:24:29]  But when you were at my house, the next morning at 4 a.m., I opened the door to let the dogs out and I just heard like, I thought it was like coyotes.
[00:24:37]  I look down raccoons.
[00:24:38]  I see three raccoons.
[00:24:39]  And in my head, this is how Instagram really has is going to make sure that I perish because I follow all these raccoons that are so cute and they're like friends with their owners and they sleep with, and I'm like, oh, no, it could work, you know?
[00:24:51]  And so I like tried to like move it out of the way of the dogs and it just like ran up my leg and I was like, buddy.
[00:24:56]  Like, this is going to be my raccoon, whatever.
[00:24:58]  Runs away.
[00:24:59]  The next morning, it's in a tree.
[00:25:01]  It won't move.
[00:25:01]  I call Animal Control, Animal Control in LA.

=== Raccoon in the Tree (10:05) ===

[00:25:03]  I'm like, you guys have to come get this thing.
[00:25:05]  And they go, oh, this is a big problem right now because a lot of people in LA, they're testing their cocaine for fentanyl before they do it.
[00:25:10]  And if it's positive, they flush it down the toilet.
[00:25:12]  So a lot of wild animals are in fentanyl right now.
[00:25:16]  I was like, I don't, I don't know if I can take on like fentanyl coverage.
[00:25:20]  So the raccoons are on fentanyl.
[00:25:23]  Yeah.
[00:25:23]  And one of them bit you.
[00:25:25]  It scratched me.
[00:25:27]  And then you came to.
[00:25:28]  I got a couple rabies shots.
[00:25:30]  Now, is that, can I get rabies from you?
[00:25:32]  This is monkeypox.
[00:25:32]  This is how it's going to be.
[00:25:33]  Yeah.
[00:25:33]  This isn't going to be a little bit of a single.
[00:25:34]  Do you know what you're doing?
[00:25:36]  Yes, it is.
[00:25:36]  No, it's not.
[00:25:37]  I did look at this this morning.
[00:25:40]  Scary.
[00:25:41]  I love that you think, I love you that you think you're the one that's going to get monkeypox.
[00:25:45]  I will.
[00:25:46]  Do you secretly kind of want it?
[00:25:47]  No.
[00:25:49]  It's not at all.
[00:25:50]  When I was on your podcast, you said you were like, it's no surprise that the gays started it.
[00:25:56]  Or you said something like that.
[00:25:59]  Didn't you?
[00:26:00]  No, that would mean I just said your eyes to my hero, Chappelle.
[00:26:03]  That's his joke.
[00:26:08]  He got to it first.
[00:26:09]  Wait, wait, wait.
[00:26:10]  But did you hear this?
[00:26:11]  That they're saying that it started through rough sex in the gay kids.
[00:26:15]  Yeah, but you know, they went back to life.
[00:26:17]  I'm a reporter.
[00:26:18]  I'm a reporter.
[00:26:19]  I've been doing everything on gay news, though.
[00:26:21]  That's the bad father of the medical community.
[00:26:24]  I just, everything is gay dudes.
[00:26:26]  If doctors don't know what it is, man, what them queers up to?
[00:26:30]  But straight dudes fuck butts too.
[00:26:32]  Straight dudes can talk that shit.
[00:26:35]  Talk that shit.
[00:26:36]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:26:37]  Talk that shit.
[00:26:38]  But do you know what I'm saying?
[00:26:40]  How long before a butt fuck from you?
[00:26:42]  Oh, that's right.
[00:26:43]  That was the first question of the podcast.
[00:26:44]  My deal is I just kind of need a heads up so that I can make culinary decisions that are conducive to this going well for everybody.
[00:26:51]  But you didn't do that that one time you told me.
[00:26:52]  Remember when the guy gave you a sweet butt fuck in the shower?
[00:26:58]  Clear him out.
[00:27:00]  Remember?
[00:27:01]  She came to me.
[00:27:03]  She was like, dude, you're so innocent sometimes.
[00:27:04]  It's crazy.
[00:27:05]  Cause you're the wildest, but she's the most innocent.
[00:27:07]  She came, she's like, and when anything happens to her, she normalizes it immediately.
[00:27:12]  Right?
[00:27:13]  So she's a cold.
[00:27:14]  She goes, exactly.
[00:27:14]  She's a lesson.
[00:27:16]  So she goes, she goes, she goes, what's up with guys?
[00:27:18]  We're like, just like the first night you meet them, immediately they take you in the shower and fuck your butt.
[00:27:24]  I'm just like, what did you just say?
[00:27:28]  What do you mean?
[00:27:29]  Like, yeah, you know how guys, like the most regular normal guys will just take you to the shower and fuck your butt.
[00:27:35]  Yeah, it's called a babyless shower.
[00:27:37]  A babyless shower.
[00:27:42]  So, and then I was like, no, that's.
[00:27:43]  Standing up butt sex is not for pussies.
[00:27:46]  It's not for pussies.
[00:27:48]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:27:49]  Most butt sexes.
[00:27:51]  Wait a minute.
[00:27:51]  Wait a minute.
[00:27:52]  You were able to do it standing up?
[00:27:54]  Well, I was definitely like, you know, gripping something, I guess, the best of my ability.
[00:27:59]  But the one that I think anchor?
[00:28:02]  Ankles.
[00:28:02]  Ankle?
[00:28:02]  Oh, I said it.
[00:28:04]  I said it as Yon Me Par.
[00:28:11]  Sorry, guys.
[00:28:12]  Dude, if she ends up being from fucking Newark, I will.
[00:28:15]  She is not even from New York Korea.
[00:28:19]  I think she meant Little Korea.
[00:28:22]  She's like, oh, no, Korean town in LA.
[00:28:25]  Okay, come on.
[00:28:26]  Seriously?
[00:28:28]  Because we would, when we were both like, fuck boys, we would like, you know, I would call Andrew for like advice.
[00:28:33]  Because my thing is like, women should not take boy advice from other women and guys should not take girl advice from guys.
[00:28:40]  Agreed.
[00:28:40]  I think it's like a really big mistake we all make.
[00:28:43]  So I was like, let me just call Andrew.
[00:28:45]  Like he'll tell me.
[00:28:45]  And I was like, okay, this guy just came back to my house and I think we maybe made out like very briefly and then turned me over onto a poof.
[00:28:54]  You know those things that you're that I don't even know.
[00:28:56]  Like an auto?
[00:28:57]  Yeah.
[00:28:57]  No, it was like, you know, from like Ankle Beanbag?
[00:29:00]  Yeah, it's like a, but it's like a Moroccan poof.
[00:29:03]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:29:04]  Of all people, I feel like you're going to help me.
[00:29:06]  He's Moroccan, actually.
[00:29:07]  There we go.
[00:29:07]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:29:08]  Yeah.
[00:29:08]  It's like hard though.
[00:29:09]  Yeah.
[00:29:11]  I've never used it.
[00:29:12]  No one's ever touched it.
[00:29:13]  Let me tell you something.
[00:29:14]  We shouldn't take too much time about the poof because the rest of the story is.
[00:29:17]  Yeah, it's more about the boof than the poof.
[00:29:19]  I put the visual.
[00:29:20]  I didn't want you guys to think I would allow myself to get butt-fucked on a beanbag chair.
[00:29:24]  It was in the shower.
[00:29:24]  That's trash.
[00:29:26]  A Moroccan beanbag chair.
[00:29:27]  Way different.
[00:29:28]  But here's the thing.
[00:29:28]  As a woman, what do you think is more traumatizing?
[00:29:31]  Getting fucked on a beanbag chair in your own living room that you've paid for or in the shower.
[00:29:36]  If he brought the beanbag chair, that's the most traumatized.
[00:29:38]  No, it shouldn't.
[00:29:40]  If you guys are about to fucking say, hold on, let me get something from the Trong Girl.
[00:29:44]  That would be next level.
[00:29:46]  A water source gives you security because you're like, oh, if an accident happens, it's going to be clean.
[00:29:50]  It's going to be lubricated.
[00:29:52]  You don't have to watch someone go, and like, you know what I mean?
[00:29:55]  There's like, whoa, there's already lubrication.
[00:29:58]  What did you just do right there?
[00:29:59]  Yeah, make a gift.
[00:29:59]  What did you guys always do?
[00:30:01]  You did this very recently.
[00:30:03]  I don't do that.
[00:30:04]  Or guys will, yeah, they'll be like, that's the tasteful way to do it.
[00:30:15]  You can't just be like, well, yeah, you gotta get a little bit of a drink.
[00:30:17]  No, you don't take it.
[00:30:18]  You don't fuck it.
[00:30:19]  You don't hack it.
[00:30:20]  You just go, muh, like, it's a little chef's kiss.
[00:30:22]  You hear the winner chef's kiss one time.
[00:30:25]  Everybody's happy.
[00:30:27]  He pulls out of his nose like a clown.
[00:30:31]  Yo, is that gross when we do that?
[00:30:33]  No, dude.
[00:30:34]  It's hot.
[00:30:37]  It just like, it also, but my one thing about it is like, believe in yourself.
[00:30:41]  You're hot.
[00:30:42]  It'll get, we'll get there.
[00:30:43]  Oh, like, we're like rushing it too much.
[00:30:45]  Like, you're not wet yet.
[00:30:46]  It's like, just give me, give yourself the benefit of the doubt.
[00:30:49]  Yeah.
[00:30:49]  Just, just, yeah.
[00:30:50]  It will get wet is what you're trying to say.
[00:30:52]  I know we just met.
[00:30:53]  Just tell me you love me.
[00:30:54]  It's not weird.
[00:30:57]  But you see what I'm saying, right?
[00:30:58]  About it.
[00:30:58]  It's unfivilable and patient.
[00:31:00]  You know what I mean?
[00:31:00]  It's just like, you're like, dude, just give me one second.
[00:31:04]  Oh, you know?
[00:31:05]  Okay, what if we do that?
[00:31:06]  And when they just, we just lather the bottom of our dick so that you guys can't.
[00:31:11]  Guys will do that.
[00:31:12]  Sorry.
[00:31:14]  You know, it's really freaking.
[00:31:15]  You're like a mime.
[00:31:18]  Like she can't talk about a thing without like petting it.
[00:31:20]  She's like, so I have this horse.
[00:31:22]  Easy, easy.
[00:31:24]  I used to think that guys jerked off.
[00:31:26]  Can I stand up?
[00:31:27]  Yeah.
[00:31:28]  I used to think this is how guys jerked off.
[00:31:29]  I swear to God.
[00:31:30]  Don't come back here.
[00:31:31]  It's easy.
[00:31:32]  Don't go behind the counter.
[00:31:32]  I need a wall.
[00:31:33]  I thought you were going to the pool.
[00:31:34]  I need a wall.
[00:31:36]  I used to think that guys jerked off.
[00:31:38]  You have a camera on you.
[00:31:40]  I thought guys jerked off like this.
[00:31:43]  What?
[00:31:44]  Like they're having a hard time in a movie?
[00:31:46]  Just like if I was a guy, that's how I would jerk off.
[00:31:48]  I mean, yeah, that is it.
[00:31:50]  Like, do you know what I'm saying?
[00:31:51]  Put in the shower like that.
[00:31:54]  Hardworking man.
[00:31:55]  You know, just like when I see you.
[00:31:57]  The guy who had a long day solving crimes.
[00:32:01]  The guy with a bad L5.
[00:32:02]  Yeah, like in halfway through the jerk, you're like, it was elf.
[00:32:07]  Yeah, for sure.
[00:32:08]  I think that's a way of doing it.
[00:32:09]  You were right.
[00:32:10]  I like when guys jerk off in front of me because then I can learn how they do it.
[00:32:14]  And then you want to replicate that.
[00:32:15]  Well, just because every guy does it a little bit differently.
[00:32:17]  And you never know.
[00:32:18]  How we do it is different than how we want you to do it.
[00:32:20]  Yes.
[00:32:21]  Fuck.
[00:32:21]  You study men like a zoologist.
[00:32:23]  You're like, I really study God.
[00:32:25]  You could just ask Andrew.
[00:32:26]  Guys are good.
[00:32:27]  But guys have their own weird shit.
[00:32:29]  And it also feels like you're...
[00:32:30]  That's about it for Andrew with weird shit.
[00:32:32]  It's not even weird.
[00:32:33]  In terms of you want to get it.
[00:32:35]  Remember the movie Boomerang?
[00:32:37]  Yes.
[00:32:37]  Yes.
[00:32:38]  Yeah.
[00:32:38]  That made me understand.
[00:32:39]  And what is it about the feet?
[00:32:40]  Is it just you want it to be attractive or you go, the way you do anything is the way you do everything if your feet are taken care of?
[00:32:45]  I know your pussy's on point.
[00:32:46]  No, that's some bullshit that we add to it.
[00:32:48]  That's not it.
[00:32:49]  Okay.
[00:32:49]  Something's weird.
[00:32:50]  Yeah.
[00:32:51]  Well, there is a theory that it's called cathetsis that a lot of guys that are super into feet or like want to fuck them.
[00:32:57]  Number one, the toes look like little dicks.
[00:32:59]  That's like the Freudian thing.
[00:33:00]  The second one.
[00:33:02]  What you doing now?
[00:33:04]  What you doing?
[00:33:05]  You little dick looking up.
[00:33:08]  It's like baby dicks.
[00:33:11]  That's not better.
[00:33:12]  That's not better.
[00:33:13]  I hate this woman.
[00:33:14]  That's not better.
[00:33:16]  Why are you even here right now?
[00:33:19]  I gotta be pedophilic.
[00:33:22]  It's like nine.
[00:33:24]  Baby.
[00:33:24]  It's not even.
[00:33:25]  Is it even pedophilia if it's a baby?
[00:33:27]  It's a baby dick.
[00:33:29]  Listen, listen, let's stop.
[00:33:30]  That's the most ruined.
[00:33:32]  I like feet.
[00:33:34]  Feet look nothing like dicks.
[00:33:35]  Toes, some of them.
[00:33:36]  No, they don't.
[00:33:37]  No.
[00:33:38]  In what way?
[00:33:38]  What way do toes look like dicks?
[00:33:40]  They're cephalic-ish.
[00:33:41]  Yeah.
[00:33:42]  That's like the thing.
[00:33:42]  I bet this is Darwin.
[00:33:43]  He's a scientist.
[00:33:44]  I'm just passing.
[00:33:45]  Darwin got everything.
[00:33:46]  You said Freud.
[00:33:47]  Darwin is evolution.
[00:33:48]  Yeah, that's right.
[00:33:48]  He got nothing.
[00:33:49]  You can't.
[00:33:51]  Nothing gets past dude.
[00:33:53]  No, but then the other one is that I don't think.
[00:33:56]  I don't know.
[00:33:57]  This one is the one I subscribe to.
[00:33:58]  Whatever it is.
[00:33:59]  This is mine.
[00:34:00]  Just ruined it.
[00:34:02]  You can't ruin it.
[00:34:04]  Hey, I'm back.
[00:34:04]  I'm back.
[00:34:06]  I don't fucking give a shit.
[00:34:07]  Do I still have a five on Wiki feet?
[00:34:09]  I have a perfect score on WikiVeet.
[00:34:11]  Wait, really?
[00:34:13]  I did.
[00:34:13]  I did before.
[00:34:15]  I mean, how many people ranked it?
[00:34:20]  It's like when a restaurant got five stars, like four red.
[00:34:22]  Like three reviews.
[00:34:24]  We need to see the toe holes.
[00:34:25]  We need a 4.8 with 300 reviews.
[00:34:27]  Whose feet are...
[00:34:28]  That is not my foot.
[00:34:29]  Oh, that is my foot.
[00:34:33]  Yo.
[00:34:34]  Yo, you're crazy.
[00:34:35]  You're crazy.
[00:34:36]  My eyes are bleeding.
[00:34:39]  Okay.
[00:34:39]  Whitney, what the fuck?
[00:34:40]  Are you butt naked in that second?
[00:34:42]  What the hell is happening?
[00:34:43]  What?
[00:34:44]  Oh, these are just photos from like online.
[00:34:46]  But you look butt naked.
[00:34:47]  This is your wiki feet.
[00:34:48]  Okay.
[00:34:49]  What's my score?
[00:34:54]  Five stars still.
[00:34:55]  Now what?
[00:34:56]  Yes.
[00:34:57]  Even with a bloody ass fucking toe.
[00:34:59]  Yeah.
[00:34:59]  Is that Joe Biden?
[00:35:01]  Wait, why are you naked there?
[00:35:03]  I'm not naked there.
[00:35:04]  I'm in a swimsuit and I have a watermelon slice on my pussy.
[00:35:06]  Oh.
[00:35:07]  We get it.
[00:35:08]  You muted me on Instagram.

=== Bob's Bloody Toe Incident (03:11) ===

[00:35:09]  No, I didn't mute you.
[00:35:11]  You know, when you learn someone's muted you or does it look in, they're like, what is that?
[00:35:14]  You're like, posted that seven times in a row.
[00:35:17]  I've never seen that.
[00:35:18]  Oh, yeah.
[00:35:19]  I guess there's a lot of shit on my feet.
[00:35:20]  But these are like screen grabs of Instagram stories or something.
[00:35:23]  1,600 total votes on your feet.
[00:35:25]  Wow.
[00:35:25]  1,022 beautiful.
[00:35:28]  Oh.
[00:35:28]  335 nice.
[00:35:29]  170 okay.
[00:35:31]  I mean, what is this?
[00:35:33]  That's me showing how to fuck a foot.
[00:35:35]  No, that's you having a midlife crisis.
[00:35:38]  By the way, thank you for simply, I'm going to live another 39 years after this.
[00:35:41]  Thank you for.
[00:35:42]  Wait, you think you're dying young?
[00:35:43]  This is not midlife.
[00:35:44]  I don't know.
[00:35:45]  No, it's a good question.
[00:35:47]  Thank you.
[00:35:50]  I'm fucking hate you, Jane.
[00:35:52]  I hate it when people say that to me.
[00:35:54]  I did it to just buy time to ask him.
[00:35:57]  I think it's a great question.
[00:35:58]  I know you did.
[00:35:59]  I hate that.
[00:35:59]  When do you think you're going to die?
[00:36:02]  It's a good question.
[00:36:05]  See, that's just me buying time.
[00:36:07]  I have in my family lots of like strokes and lots of, you know, I don't know.
[00:36:11]  Drug addiction, not a drug addiction.
[00:36:13]  I'm trying to do the fucking Orlando hard rock casino in like 60 seconds.
[00:36:18]  I might do the same shit.
[00:36:19]  Wait, do you have insider information about that?
[00:36:21]  No, I don't.
[00:36:22]  I don't, but, but Bob, he was so communicative and like such a like hypochondriac that I feel like if something had happened to him, he would have texted, you know what I'm saying?
[00:36:33]  I don't know.
[00:36:34]  So you think it's like he actually really felt.
[00:36:37]  I think, yeah, I think, I don't think so.
[00:36:40]  You think somebody did something to him?
[00:36:41]  I don't, I don't know.
[00:36:42]  I just don't think you hit your head and then get back up and then get in bed without like texting your wife or your friends and be like, oh, some crazy shit happened or take a photo, something.
[00:36:52]  You know, I don't know.
[00:36:53]  I don't have access to his phone.
[00:36:54]  I don't know.
[00:36:55]  I would definitely hit my head and then be like, you know, I'm going to hear about this shit.
[00:36:57]  Nobody cares.
[00:36:58]  It's two in the morning.
[00:36:59]  Text people about this.
[00:36:59]  Who cares?
[00:37:00]  Oh, that's right.
[00:37:01]  You're not supposed to go to sleep after you have a concussion, right?
[00:37:04]  Yeah.
[00:37:05]  The worst part is that he's dead.
[00:37:07]  After him.
[00:37:09]  That's the worst part.
[00:37:12]  Before you say what you are going to say, give her a chance.
[00:37:15]  That is the worst part.
[00:37:16]  You know, I'm exaggerating.
[00:37:18]  Okay, go.
[00:37:19]  Jesus Christ.
[00:37:20]  Can you get the feet?
[00:37:20]  I can't do it.
[00:37:21]  A very difficult part.
[00:37:23]  Let me say it is more annoying.
[00:37:25]  Is I went, like, I don't know, something weird happened when he, I went to like our texts just to see, you know?
[00:37:32]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:37:32]  And he had asked me to do his podcast like four years ago.
[00:37:35]  I just totally did it.
[00:37:37]  And I felt so bad.
[00:37:39]  I felt so bad.
[00:37:41]  I know.
[00:37:41]  You could have probably gotten some followers off of that podcast and now it's just never there.
[00:37:44]  It's fucking bad, man.
[00:37:45]  But also, here's the thing about Bob.
[00:37:50]  Dude, is he wants us to fucking clown?
[00:37:52]  Like, he wants us to be silly.
[00:37:54]  Like, him, you know, he had a crazy situation where his sister died of this horrible disease called scleroderma.
[00:38:00]  It's when your skin like hardens and like starts grayscale.
[00:38:04]  Grayscale.
[00:38:05]  Oh, is that what it's called?
[00:38:06]  Did you not watch Game of Thrones?
[00:38:07]  I've seen parts of it.
[00:38:10]  No, you haven't.
[00:38:11]  You just said something that's not true.
[00:38:13]  I've seen that.
[00:38:14]  I've seen them.
[00:38:15]  I've seen parts of it.
[00:38:16]  Nobody's seen parts of it.
[00:38:17]  I've seen parts of it.
[00:38:17]  No, no, no, no.
[00:38:18]  So you watched like what, like minute three to minute eight?

=== Love Bombing Your Wallet (04:50) ===

[00:38:21]  Yeah.
[00:38:22]  Yes, yes.
[00:38:22]  You did it.
[00:38:23]  You saw that with people who were watching it and then were like, I don't give a fuck about that.
[00:38:26]  Do you see why he started this interview with, let me give you some compliments and make you feel loved.
[00:38:30]  And I knew this was going to fuck you.
[00:38:32]  Yeah, it's called a love bomb.
[00:38:34]  Oh, I will sue you right now.
[00:38:36]  Now you can sue men for love bombing you.
[00:38:37]  Wait, is that a real thing?
[00:38:38]  No, no, people, literally girls now who are, I mean, I think this was kind of part of the Amber Heard thing too, of like going like, I was love bombed in the beginning.
[00:38:46]  Like he love bombed me.
[00:38:48]  And so now you're in trouble if you love a girl too much in the beginning.
[00:38:51]  Well, maybe you're cooler in the beginning.
[00:38:53]  Yeah, maybe you got annoying.
[00:38:55]  This is a fucking love bomb person.
[00:38:57]  No, maybe he's married.
[00:39:00]  Well, she's trapped.
[00:39:03]  That woman's in trouble.
[00:39:05]  You have been loving her.
[00:39:06]  And who knows what you'll do next?
[00:39:08]  But if you don't love bomb, are you just an asshole?
[00:39:10]  That's the only way to.
[00:39:12]  Yeah.
[00:39:12]  No, but there's now this thing where I think when women.
[00:39:14]  No, women are so confused because before it's like, don't make fun of us so we like you.
[00:39:17]  And now it's like, don't like us a lot.
[00:39:19]  Well, I think women are the one, at least the ones that are like liar, they're trying to get ahead of the, well, why didn't you just leave earlier?
[00:39:25]  How did you miss all these red flags?
[00:39:27]  Like you didn't see the swastika tattoo?
[00:39:29]  Like, and then they're like, well, I was love bombed in the beginning, which makes you like, like, just dick sick or something.
[00:39:35]  Remove all accountability.
[00:39:36]  Yeah, just to be like, he loved me so much, gave me so much attention.
[00:39:39]  I couldn't focus on that.
[00:39:41]  What if there's a female president and they get like loved bombed?
[00:39:46]  All right, guys, we take a break for a second because some of you bums need a nicer wallet.
[00:39:50]  And you know what?
[00:39:50]  You're going to step it up to the greatest wallet in the business.
[00:39:53]  It's an extra.
[00:39:54]  Okay.
[00:39:55]  Look how sleek.
[00:39:56]  Look how cool this shit is.
[00:39:58]  Bow.
[00:39:58]  All the cars come out.
[00:40:00]  You want your ID, snatch, credit card, snatch.
[00:40:02]  They got this cool little rubbery thing.
[00:40:04]  If you need to throw something else in there, tampon probably for your mother.
[00:40:09]  So look, the thing is this.
[00:40:11]  Wallets often get lost, but not an extra.
[00:40:16]  It's got a tracking device already built in.
[00:40:18]  If somebody tries to take your wallet, follow that motherfucker home.
[00:40:20]  Get your wallet back.
[00:40:21]  It's always on you.
[00:40:22]  Oh, what happens if the tracking device runs out of battery?
[00:40:25]  It doesn't because it charges with the sun.
[00:40:27]  Thank you for that sneeze, Mark.
[00:40:30]  All I'm trying to say is the last thing you should be worried about nowadays is someone try to boop your shit.
[00:40:34]  Okay.
[00:40:35]  You go pay for something at Starbucks, right?
[00:40:37]  You're not taking out your money, just boop on your phone.
[00:40:40]  Well, this, this thing that's so convenient to us is also a thing that people are using to steal our motherfucking data.
[00:40:46]  You just got your credit cards loose in your pocket.
[00:40:48]  Someone can walk up next to you, boop your thigh, take all your credit card information, now it's an extra.
[00:40:53]  It protects against the boop, okay?
[00:40:56]  There's a fancy name for that.
[00:40:57]  And I don't know exactly what it is, but promise you, it protects against.
[00:41:00]  RFID protection.
[00:41:01]  RFID protection.
[00:41:03]  All I'm trying to say is you check out the wallets at extra.com.
[00:41:06]  That's E-K-S-T-E-R.com.
[00:41:08]  And you're going to get 20% off the site-wide with the code Flagrant.
[00:41:13]  20% off the best wallet you've ever had in your life with the Code Flagrant.
[00:41:17]  Make sure you go get it.
[00:41:18]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:41:19]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because some of y'all need to save some goddamn time and some goddamn money and increase your nutrients and just become a better human being.
[00:41:28]  And Freshly has got your back, okay?
[00:41:31]  Freshly's new lineup of effortless in-season meals gives you more time to enjoy the summer, okay?
[00:41:38]  Other meal delivery options make you do all the work of prepping and cooking and all this other nonsense.
[00:41:42]  Freshly comes ready to heat and eat in three minutes or less.
[00:41:46]  That's right.
[00:41:46]  You don't need an hour to cook something.
[00:41:48]  Three minutes or less.
[00:41:50]  So many great things have been accomplished in three minutes or less.
[00:41:55]  Okay?
[00:41:57]  Freshly is awesome for that reason.
[00:42:03]  And also the ingredients are incredibly fresh and nutrient rich, gonna keep you healthy, gonna make you lose weight.
[00:42:08]  You know, our boy Dove looked like a goddamn dumpling over COVID and went on a Freshly diet, lost 20 fucking pounds, okay?
[00:42:16]  Only in his legs, still got the titties, but that's a dove thing because of a thyroid issue.
[00:42:21]  It's got nothing to do with Freshly.
[00:42:23]  Most people are losing weight throughout their whole body when they're rocking with Freshly because it's portion controlled and delicious goodness delivered right to your door, okay?
[00:42:33]  Guys, skip the grocery lines right now.
[00:42:36]  Skip the shopping.
[00:42:37]  Skip it all.
[00:42:38]  Save time.
[00:42:39]  Enjoy your life.
[00:42:40]  Play video games.
[00:42:41]  Do whatever the hell you want to do.
[00:42:43]  But you don't got to be around cooking all day.
[00:42:45]  They got new meals that are added weekly.
[00:42:47]  So you're never stuck eating the same thing over and over again.
[00:42:50]  And now you can try Freshly with $125 off across your first five orders.
[00:42:56]  Think about that right there.
[00:42:57]  Okay.
[00:42:58]  You can make summer dinners stress-free with Freshly and get $125 off your first five orders at freshly.com slash flagrant.
[00:43:07]  That's $125 off at freshly.com slash flagrant.

=== Skip Cooking, Eat Freshly (10:53) ===

[00:43:11]  Go get it.
[00:43:11]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:43:13]  Also, guys, Big Daisy Energy Tour still going, still selling the fuck out.
[00:43:17]  San Diego this week, I promise you these shows are going to sell out.
[00:43:20]  You need to buy your tickets now.
[00:43:22]  August 5th and 6th, the week after, I'm going to be in Atlantic City, New Jersey.
[00:43:26]  Atlantic City, there is nothing else to do anywhere nearby.
[00:43:29]  The city is a fucking toilet.
[00:43:31]  You might as well come to my comedy show.
[00:43:32]  It's the one good thing to do.
[00:43:34]  It's the one thing where you won't get robbed, at least not while you're there, maybe on your way home.
[00:43:38]  And after that, I am going.
[00:43:39]  Where the fuck am I going?
[00:43:41]  I am going to Tempe, Arizona.
[00:43:43]  It's hot.
[00:43:43]  Go inside and joy some air conditioning, August 11th through 13th.
[00:43:47]  And then September 9th and 10th, I'm going to be in Orlando, Florida with Mark Gagnon.
[00:43:52]  Hopefully, our friendship will keep us from killing ourselves.
[00:43:54]  You'll understand that if we've reached that part of the podcast, I don't know.
[00:43:57]  Anyway, all those dates and more at akashsing.com.
[00:44:01]  Now, let's get back to the show.
[00:44:02]  Guys, like, do you want some kind of not a woman to be president?
[00:44:07]  I know the answer is not.
[00:44:08]  Hey, stop your idea.
[00:44:10]  I do want a female president.
[00:44:11]  Trans female?
[00:44:12]  No.
[00:44:13]  That'd be fire.
[00:44:14]  It's very progressive.
[00:44:14]  That'd be fine.
[00:44:15]  I don't divide them up.
[00:44:16]  Okay.
[00:44:17]  Female is female.
[00:44:18]  Okay.
[00:44:18]  And the future is female.
[00:44:22]  So, so these are all.
[00:44:24]  Why is that fine to be on the shirt?
[00:44:25]  But with so insane to Louis.
[00:44:27]  The future is female.
[00:44:28]  But no, I would love a female president.
[00:44:30]  That would be fire.
[00:44:30]  But do you want to know on some level?
[00:44:31]  I was working.
[00:44:32]  You got to let him finish.
[00:44:34]  You got to, I know when a Schultz insult is coming, so you got to let him finish.
[00:44:37]  I don't have anything.
[00:44:39]  I think it'd be great.
[00:44:40]  I think it'd be great for our country.
[00:44:41]  Yeah.
[00:44:42]  Do you know what I mean?
[00:44:42]  We have all your insults in Schultz.
[00:44:45]  Insults.
[00:44:49]  Don't you want diversity?
[00:44:50]  We need a Catholic president with JFK.
[00:44:52]  Yep.
[00:44:52]  That was diverse.
[00:44:53]  Yeah.
[00:44:55]  You were so funny back then.
[00:44:56]  That was diverse at the time.
[00:44:58]  Yeah, we can't elect this fucking Catholic.
[00:44:59]  He's a Catholic.
[00:45:00]  What is he going to do?
[00:45:01]  Yeah.
[00:45:01]  I don't know if I want to picture my president being fingered as a child.
[00:45:08]  Hold on.
[00:45:09]  Hold on.
[00:45:10]  Not all Catholics were fingered, okay?
[00:45:12]  Oh, I thought you were talking about Walmart.
[00:45:14]  No, I mean, like a Catholic president, all I picture is like a little bit of a colour.
[00:45:17]  Oh, you can heat up diddle and shit like that.
[00:45:18]  You know what I mean?
[00:45:19]  Yeah.
[00:45:19]  Like, that's a weird thing to lead with.
[00:45:21]  Like, I'm Catholic.
[00:45:22]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:45:23]  Do you think the priest is like proud of that?
[00:45:25]  Like, he's like, y'all fingered a bunch of opioid addicts.
[00:45:29]  I figured the president.
[00:45:32]  Yo, that's crazy.
[00:45:34]  Okay, but no, but seriously, tell me why.
[00:45:36]  I know.
[00:45:37]  I don't, my female president, whatever.
[00:45:39]  You're against a female president.
[00:45:42]  I was working on a bit about how, like, do you guys want?
[00:45:45]  I don't, I want to know that when a female president is in office, that she's not sucking dicks.
[00:45:50]  You don't want your president sucking dicks.
[00:45:52]  Like, if you're married, like, there should be like four years.
[00:45:54]  You can outsource that.
[00:45:55]  Your husband can have like a side hook.
[00:45:57]  All only business because I don't want all of our world leaders to know like she's not available.
[00:46:02]  Like, she could be.
[00:46:03]  She has to service her husband at some point.
[00:46:05]  That's fire.
[00:46:06]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:46:06]  She should never be in a subservient position.
[00:46:08]  She's a female president.
[00:46:09]  She should, though.
[00:46:09]  That's fine.
[00:46:10]  No, no, no.
[00:46:10]  Outsource.
[00:46:11]  Everybody's happier.
[00:46:12]  But she could be lesbian.
[00:46:13]  But so everyone would know.
[00:46:15]  Oh, yeah, that's true.
[00:46:16]  Yeah, which that would be perfect.
[00:46:17]  Lesbian president, fire.
[00:46:18]  Yeah, that's fine.
[00:46:20]  I dig a lesbian president.
[00:46:22]  Hold on.
[00:46:24]  President is gay.
[00:46:26]  Or prime minister for y'all out there if you don't know what a president is.
[00:46:29]  Yeah, fucking poor.
[00:46:30]  Poor.
[00:46:31]  Fix your teeth.
[00:46:34]  I don't think we'll have a female president in our lifetime.
[00:46:37]  We said the same thing about black president.
[00:46:38]  We did.
[00:46:39]  I never said that.
[00:46:40]  You did.
[00:46:41]  Winnie.
[00:46:42]  You never thought it.
[00:46:43]  I thought it.
[00:46:46]  Nobody ever asked you, but you did.
[00:46:48]  You were a little surprised when I said that.
[00:46:49]  I don't know.
[00:46:51]  I'm trying to think.
[00:46:52]  I remember when he was giving his acceptance speech.
[00:46:54]  I was upset, so I don't know.
[00:46:55]  Get that motherfucker off the stage.
[00:46:57]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:46:58]  Do you remember?
[00:46:59]  I literally thought that.
[00:47:00]  I'm like, why is he in public right now?
[00:47:03]  Do you remember the inauguration when it was covered with the bulletproof glass?
[00:47:06]  Yes.
[00:47:07]  It was wild.
[00:47:08]  As soon as you saw the family walk out, and then from one angle, you saw like all the reflecting of the light.
[00:47:12]  It was so, it gave me like made me sick to think.
[00:47:15]  But wouldn't you think it'd be great to have a female president?
[00:47:17]  Why would a female president?
[00:47:18]  It has to be the right one.
[00:47:19]  A bad one would be the worst thing ever because no one would ever want one ever again.
[00:47:23]  And like it would be such a setback.
[00:47:25]  I'd say wait till the fucking perfect one, then Russian went in.
[00:47:28]  There's nobody you'd vote for now.
[00:47:29]  What about Elizabeth Warren?
[00:47:30]  She'd be talking sense.
[00:47:31]  Michelle Obama.
[00:47:32]  Michelle?
[00:47:33]  Nikki Haley.
[00:47:34]  Yeah.
[00:47:35]  Tulsi Gabbard.
[00:47:36]  Yo, shout out to Tulsi.
[00:47:37]  Yeah, I like Tulsi.
[00:47:38]  I like Tulsi a lot.
[00:47:39]  I don't know what happened.
[00:47:39]  I feel like there was a weird little hit job that happened to her.
[00:47:42]  Oh, yeah.
[00:47:42]  Right?
[00:47:43]  Everyone said she was like a Russian bot.
[00:47:45]  I don't want to get too political.
[00:47:46]  Okay, but if we did, I'm not talking about her body.
[00:47:49]  No, I'm saying, like, if we did have a female president, right?
[00:47:53]  Yeah.
[00:47:54]  And I understand that you don't want her giving blowjobs because you feel like that's subservient.
[00:47:58]  It's more like I just don't want leaders thinking that's going on because there's a lot of other countries that are way further behind than we are that might look down upon that.
[00:48:06]  What if what if she's getting fucked in her shit box?
[00:48:09]  They might think we're weak.
[00:48:10]  I was gonna say, they may think we're weak.
[00:48:12]  If they know it's just shitbox, they're like, that's a fucking man.
[00:48:15]  She takes in the ass like a man.
[00:48:17]  That's a boss.
[00:48:18]  I don't think there's anything wrong with giving blowjobs.
[00:48:20]  I think it's a very empowering thing.
[00:48:22]  But do you ever like now, so you're never gonna get it?
[00:48:29]  No, I don't remember what they're like.
[00:48:31]  But what I'm saying is, I do remember there was a time where I felt so weak when I was going to blowjob.
[00:48:36]  But I felt like I had no control whatsoever.
[00:48:38]  That's true, because you got, I have two sets of teeth.
[00:48:40]  Don't do this when you talk about it.
[00:48:42]  This right here, you stop.
[00:48:45]  This right here, you stop this immediately.
[00:48:47]  Okay.
[00:48:47]  You gave me some winter dick.
[00:48:51]  This little pig.
[00:48:52]  Don't do that at all.
[00:48:53]  That is, I guess, a really a power position because you are holding the most valuable part of your body in your between your teeth.
[00:49:00]  Interesting.
[00:49:01]  Remember, there was that great Chappelle joke.
[00:49:03]  No, no, it was.
[00:49:04]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:49:04]  Where the she was sucking the dick and then she went to get the shit done.
[00:49:09]  Sucking the president's dick.
[00:49:11]  Oh, we need to lower these taxes.
[00:49:14]  Is this a Google circle?
[00:49:15]  Oh, yeah, that was.
[00:49:16]  Kill them softly.
[00:49:16]  It was killing them softly.
[00:49:18]  I think we should really think we should lower taxes.
[00:49:20]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, huh.
[00:49:21]  It was way better when he did that.
[00:49:23]  I'm sorry.
[00:49:24]  I lobbed up to you because I was like, I'm going to butcher it.
[00:49:27]  That was the meanest thing anyone's done about Chappelle in the last month.
[00:49:31]  Jesus, man.
[00:49:32]  Okay.
[00:49:33]  It's very funny.
[00:49:34]  Go check it out.
[00:49:35]  But I just wonder if there's a female president.
[00:49:37]  There's just certain things we have to let everyone know.
[00:49:40]  You know?
[00:49:41]  Like what?
[00:49:41]  Like, just she's not, you know.
[00:49:45]  She's not what?
[00:49:46]  She's not going to have her.
[00:49:47]  She doesn't have any balls on her chin for four years.
[00:49:50]  She's not going to have her period.
[00:49:51]  Oh, yeah.
[00:49:51]  I don't have to worry about that.
[00:49:52]  Oh, that's a good point.
[00:49:53]  I don't know.
[00:49:53]  Do you think about stuff like that?
[00:49:55]  When there's like a woman leader?
[00:49:56]  Do you look at the husband and go, like, oh.
[00:49:58]  Do I look at the husband and go, oh, he's got to deal with her and her?
[00:50:01]  Or just something.
[00:50:01]  I don't know.
[00:50:02]  We've never had a female president.
[00:50:03]  I don't.
[00:50:03]  Like Angela Merkel.
[00:50:04]  Yeah.
[00:50:05]  Her.
[00:50:06]  That was cool.
[00:50:07]  Do you know Silvio Berlusconi?
[00:50:09]  Yeah.
[00:50:09]  Yeah.
[00:50:09]  So he, do you see?
[00:50:11]  I did a podcast for Wondery where I like narrated it's the whole thing.
[00:50:15]  So I learned a lot about Silvio Berlusconi.
[00:50:17]  Can you explain who Berlusconi was?
[00:50:20]  But also like kind of a gangster.
[00:50:22]  The most gangster.
[00:50:22]  Super billionaire controls the credible networks.
[00:50:26]  He basically would come to the bank.
[00:50:28]  They were going to Mussolini that shit one more time.
[00:50:30]  Well, basically, he owned all the TV networks.
[00:50:32]  He put all these like shows, like showgirls on, and then put them all in parliament, like literally showgirls.
[00:50:38]  Like he just like bought the country.
[00:50:39]  He bought the football team, soccer, whatever the fuck.
[00:50:43]  And his slogan to run for prime minister was go Italy and aligned it with football.
[00:50:48]  And that's the most important thing to them.
[00:50:49]  So he just like, people would go, why do we vote for you?
[00:50:51]  And he's like, go Italy.
[00:50:52]  Italy wins only.
[00:50:53]  Like it's very Trump.
[00:50:54]  Like Trump's like, loves him.
[00:50:56]  Super corrupt, like just a lot of mafia.
[00:50:58]  You can't be excited about his country.
[00:51:00]  A lot of mafia money.
[00:51:01]  Well, no, the week that people were in that, the magistrates were investigating his like money laundering and not paying taxes.
[00:51:08]  His truly four best friends, like you, you, and you, were all found having just committed suicide, like in their homes, like his three best friends, like the most crazy shit.
[00:51:20]  Were they in Orlando?
[00:51:24]  It's a great question.
[00:51:28]  Great question.
[00:51:29]  These are things that we have to know.
[00:51:30]  Before we get conspiratorial on this podcast, there's things that we have to know.
[00:51:33]  There's a video of him calling Angela Merkel a fat ass.
[00:51:37]  I mean, she's not the best built bitch I've ever seen in my life.
[00:51:40]  But is that kind of what you want out of a leader?
[00:51:42]  Yes.
[00:51:43]  Sturdy hips.
[00:51:44]  Yes.
[00:51:44]  I don't even know if she has hips.
[00:51:46]  Like tankles?
[00:51:47]  Yeah.
[00:51:47]  She's like, who's like our hottest leader that we still respect?
[00:51:52]  Oh, that we respect?
[00:51:53]  Like a malclooney?
[00:51:55]  Like, who's like, how hot can you be?
[00:51:56]  Look at her.
[00:51:57]  Hold on.
[00:51:57]  How hot can you be and still be taken seriously?
[00:51:59]  No, I need you to.
[00:52:00]  Nah, I respect this woman.
[00:52:02]  Yeah, this, she's going to get shit done.
[00:52:03]  No kids, right?
[00:52:06]  I don't think any kids got a husband, no kids.
[00:52:09]  That is a Grabby syndrome-you know, I think haircut.
[00:52:12]  You think she has Down syndrome?
[00:52:13]  That haircut, her barber does, for sure.
[00:52:16]  Who is that fucking NFL team owner?
[00:52:19]  Oh, yeah.
[00:52:20]  Al Davis.
[00:52:21]  Al Davis.
[00:52:22]  Mark Davis, the son.
[00:52:23]  Yeah, Mark Davis.
[00:52:24]  Mark Davis.
[00:52:25]  Yes.
[00:52:25]  Mark Davis.
[00:52:26]  Yeah, she's an odd one, this woman.
[00:52:29]  But you don't have to look that bad.
[00:52:31]  Is that Coco?
[00:52:32]  No, this is that.
[00:52:34]  That's Coco.
[00:52:34]  Isn't that Ice Cube's wife?
[00:52:36]  This is the Croatian president.
[00:52:38]  I don't know if this guy.
[00:52:39]  That's her body?
[00:52:40]  I don't know if this guy debunked or not.
[00:52:42]  That looks like Coco, Ice Cheese Wife.
[00:52:44]  That's more.
[00:52:45]  It's the Croatian president.
[00:52:46]  You see what I'm saying?
[00:52:48]  So it is possible.
[00:52:49]  Okay.
[00:52:50]  Go there.
[00:52:50]  Okay.
[00:52:51]  Yeah.
[00:52:51]  It is.
[00:52:52]  How big is Croatia and how serious are they?
[00:52:54]  Very big.
[00:52:55]  These, I think.
[00:52:58]  Okay, so what problems is she solving on a daily basis?
[00:53:02]  Croatia.
[00:53:03]  All of them.
[00:53:03]  Croatia, what's going on?
[00:53:04]  Four million people in Croatia.
[00:53:06]  Yeah.
[00:53:06]  Four million people in Croatia.
[00:53:07]  Okay.
[00:53:08]  Four million.
[00:53:08]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:53:09]  You have no excuse not to look like that.
[00:53:12]  This is the listen, the president sets the bar.
[00:53:15]  Got it.
[00:53:16]  You need to be an attractive, good-looking man or woman.
[00:53:20]  I'm not pointing at you because I'm saying you are.
[00:53:22]  I'm just saying that Angela Merkel is representing Germany in a way that's kind of odd.
[00:53:27]  Do you want that to be the face of Germany?
[00:53:29]  The man from up?
[00:53:32]  You mean the parachute from up?
[00:53:34]  I mean, come on.
[00:53:37]  This is not how you want your country represented.
[00:53:40]  No, but she gets shit done.
[00:53:41]  Look at that.
[00:53:41]  She's not busy trying to look good.
[00:53:43]  She gets shit done.
[00:53:44]  I was wondering where Peggy Womas.
[00:53:46]  Yo, this is fucking Ratatouille.
[00:53:49]  Ratatouille is your president or prime minister or whatever the fuck it is.
[00:53:54]  Oh, no.
[00:53:55]  Oh, God.
[00:53:56]  Oh, God.
[00:53:56]  Oh God.
[00:53:56]  I'm curious what Brian Posey was up to.
[00:54:01]  What happened to Brian Posain?
[00:54:03]  She's out of here running Jean.

=== Female President Gets Shit Done (12:27) ===

[00:54:05]  Okay.
[00:54:06]  Okay.
[00:54:07]  Can we be serious?
[00:54:08]  It's interesting.
[00:54:08]  It'll be, I'm not like a woman female.
[00:54:10]  I'm like, don't put any women in any positions where they're going to fucking suck until they're fucking extra good.
[00:54:17]  Why?
[00:54:17]  Because you think we're going to go, I told you so?
[00:54:19]  Well, no, it's just most politicians suck.
[00:54:20]  Women are not, right?
[00:54:21]  Or are disappointing in some way?
[00:54:23]  I mean, think what politicians do we still like after they served any time?
[00:54:26]  Barack.
[00:54:27]  Yeah, that's true.
[00:54:28]  George, Jimmy Carter.
[00:54:29]  But I don't know.
[00:54:29]  Jimmy Carter, he drops a podcast.
[00:54:31]  Are you still going to like?
[00:54:34]  I'd listen to a Barack podcast for sure.
[00:54:36]  That voice, I'd listen.
[00:54:36]  Oh, yeah.
[00:54:37]  Okay.
[00:54:37]  I feel like he sees like one podcast away from people being like, buddy.
[00:54:41]  They did do a podcast.
[00:54:41]  I'm not a cancer.
[00:54:42]  He narrated the lakes, the parks, this thing.
[00:54:46]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:54:46]  He narrated that show.
[00:54:48]  Yeah.
[00:54:48]  Called the Parks Project, right?
[00:54:49]  Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
[00:54:50]  And he just told everybody about the parks that we have.
[00:54:52]  Yeah.
[00:54:53]  But it's wild because we're like, hey, Brock, white people know about this.
[00:54:57]  Hold on.
[00:54:58]  That got greenlit.
[00:54:59]  This is by Netflix.
[00:55:00]  That was greenlit by Netflix.
[00:55:02]  Gotcha.
[00:55:03]  Are you guys going to say something about Netflix?
[00:55:04]  No, not at all.
[00:55:06]  I think that they're making phenomenal decisions, obviously.
[00:55:09]  They made a great decision with you.
[00:55:10]  Dropping it on a Monday night, the night everybody's super excited to watch some standards.
[00:55:15]  In China, that's Tuesday morning.
[00:55:19]  Dude, what is with the drop times on that?
[00:55:21]  You know the problem with Netflix is they literally just, they, what is it called?
[00:55:25]  Fuck, They're like, they, okay, they think they're like an old Italian town where there's only one restaurant.
[00:55:32]  Do you know what I mean?
[00:55:32]  They're like, yeah, we can take a nap during the day because there's no other place for people to go.
[00:55:36]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:55:36]  But now that there's like a bustling city, you have to change things a little bit.
[00:55:41]  You have to learn how to market.
[00:55:43]  Yeah.
[00:55:43]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:55:43]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:55:44]  And they're not like dropping it on a Monday night.
[00:55:47]  Well, here's the thing.
[00:55:48]  I do make lots of transphobic jokes in it.
[00:55:51]  So please tune in.
[00:55:52]  Oh, what is your hot?
[00:55:54]  Have you hooked up with a trans person?
[00:55:57]  No, but I have hooked up with a couple gay men and dated a couple men that I think, I don't know if they knew they were gay or not, but were, but not trans.
[00:56:05]  After that, were they 100% sure?
[00:56:11]  The only way I knew they were gay is because they were attracted to me.
[00:56:14]  They were just only mugfucking you.
[00:56:17]  They thought I was trans.
[00:56:18]  Does that count?
[00:56:22]  No, only a couple gay guys, I think.
[00:56:24]  I think gay guys, I think, want to date me to be like, how do we do this?
[00:56:29]  Like, how do I because they still want to be with a woman?
[00:56:31]  They still want to be a person.
[00:56:32]  Maybe they think I'm going to introduce them to Kathy Griffin or something.
[00:56:34]  I don't know.
[00:56:36]  Never trans.
[00:56:37]  Never dated a trans person.
[00:56:39]  No.
[00:56:39]  Would you?
[00:56:41]  It would have to be a trans man, a trans man.
[00:56:44]  Yeah.
[00:56:44]  Which, by the way, no one, no one comes, a trans man.
[00:56:47]  Yeah, no one complains about trans men.
[00:56:49]  Like, guys don't care.
[00:56:50]  Guys are like, yeah, well, that's just smart.
[00:56:51]  Like transition from female to male.
[00:56:54]  Like good business move.
[00:56:56]  I would I don't know.
[00:57:01]  I'm not feeling fucking lecture me about comedy.
[00:57:05]  I feel like I would.
[00:57:06]  Maybe not now.
[00:57:07]  I'm not against it.
[00:57:08]  I just don't want to like have to talk about Chappelle again.
[00:57:11]  Yeah, I haven't.
[00:57:12]  No.
[00:57:13]  Yeah.
[00:57:14]  But that doesn't make me transphobic.
[00:57:15]  No.
[00:57:16]  Okay.
[00:57:17]  I never said it did.
[00:57:18]  I was just asking.
[00:57:19]  Do you feel like it definitely helps you look less transphobic if you say that doesn't make me transphobic?
[00:57:25]  But there was this weirdness in the room.
[00:57:26]  Like, tell us what does make you transphobic.
[00:57:30]  I'm not.
[00:57:31]  Open up, Tuck.
[00:57:32]  You know, I'm not.
[00:57:33]  I have so many trans friends.
[00:57:34]  It's fucking ridiculous.
[00:57:36]  Wow, whoa, whoa, Wow.
[00:57:40]  That is the wrong answer every time.
[00:57:42]  How can I be transphobic?
[00:57:45]  No, you're not fucking no.
[00:57:46]  I'm not doing that.
[00:57:47]  Here's the thing.
[00:57:49]  I know.
[00:57:50]  Trans is real.
[00:57:51]  It's 100% real.
[00:57:52]  I have girlfriends.
[00:57:53]  Listen to me.
[00:57:54]  Here we go.
[00:57:56]  Hit it.
[00:57:56]  Hit it.
[00:57:56]  Go, go, go.
[00:57:57]  My girlfriend's gay.
[00:58:00]  Trans is real.
[00:58:01]  And because what?
[00:58:02]  I have girlfriends that transitioned at 35.
[00:58:04]  They knew that they were female at four.
[00:58:07]  Yeah.
[00:58:08]  35.
[00:58:08]  No man would ever commit to anything that long.
[00:58:11]  That's a fucking woman.
[00:58:12]  Like, you know what I mean?
[00:58:13]  Like, I, I, I, here's the deal with the trans shit: is like, you guys don't need to get involved.
[00:58:19]  Like, we'll handle this.
[00:58:20]  Like, women, it's a woman's problem.
[00:58:22]  It's our problem.
[00:58:23]  Like, they're taking our men.
[00:58:24]  They're a problem.
[00:58:25]  They're taking our trophies.
[00:58:27]  They're trying to say that.
[00:58:28]  If they are, we'll handle it.
[00:58:30]  I'm just saying.
[00:58:30]  We'll handle it.
[00:58:31]  I am very pro-trans.
[00:58:32]  We know what to fucking do when they're fucking taking our trophies and shit.
[00:58:36]  We'll get Tanya Harding out of retirement if we have to.
[00:58:39]  We are fucking.
[00:58:40]  We know what to transition.
[00:58:41]  That's good idea.
[00:58:42]  Listen, you know that this podcast is very supportive of the trans community.
[00:58:45]  We're pro.
[00:58:45]  100%.
[00:58:46]  We're very pro-trans.
[00:58:47]  No, I, which, but here's the thing.
[00:58:48]  We're trying to flip you over to our side.
[00:58:53]  We don't, you know, tell, you know, count how many trans people that we know or anything like that.
[00:58:56]  That's not what we do.
[00:58:57]  Yeah.
[00:58:58]  We just, you know, put it on.
[00:58:59]  How many trans people do you know?
[00:59:00]  Say again?
[00:59:03]  We don't count because we're out of fingers at all.
[00:59:06]  I literally don't translate.
[00:59:08]  Not counting Alex.
[00:59:08]  Not counting Alex.
[00:59:11]  Honestly, it's a lot.
[00:59:14]  You know what it is?
[00:59:14]  It's just like, it's a lot.
[00:59:16]  It's like to solve.
[00:59:17]  Probably even more.
[00:59:18]  Probably even more that I do know.
[00:59:20]  Okay.
[00:59:20]  Because they haven't gotten the courage to transition just yet.
[00:59:23]  Or they're so.
[00:59:24]  But Whitney's going to decide for them when they get to transition.
[00:59:26]  Yeah, I'll let them know.
[00:59:27]  I mean, they have to ask.
[00:59:28]  What do you think the right age is?
[00:59:29]  Their body, her choice.
[00:59:30]  To transition?
[00:59:31]  I don't care.
[00:59:32]  I don't care.
[00:59:33]  You said four.
[00:59:33]  You know what it is?
[00:59:35]  You're on the record for saying four.
[00:59:36]  It's weird that he cares about other people's transition.
[00:59:40]  Do you believe that we should start chopping up four-year-olds?
[00:59:42]  I believe we should go back to child labor.
[00:59:46]  Child labor.
[00:59:48]  We should go back to child labor.
[00:59:49]  So if their dick gets cut off at the factory, fine.
[00:59:51]  That's okay.
[00:59:51]  But kids, this whole thing where we all care about other people's kids is very weird to me.
[00:59:57]  Is it?
[00:59:57]  Yes.
[00:59:58]  Talk to me.
[00:59:59]  So like starving kids.
[01:00:00]  So like starving kids in Africa, you're like, yeah.
[01:00:02]  They ain't my kids.
[01:00:03]  Okay, let's worry about them, though.
[01:00:04]  We're not like kids in Africa.
[01:00:05]  What if they want to change your dick to a pussy?
[01:00:07]  Like, it's odd to me that we're talking about four-year-olds, pussies, and dicks.
[01:00:11]  First of all, only you want to chop them up.
[01:00:14]  I don't want to chop them up.
[01:00:15]  You've said that.
[01:00:16]  I've literally done a podcast with you where you were like, chop them up.
[01:00:20]  I hate you.
[01:00:20]  You did say chopping up.
[01:00:21]  I hate you so much.
[01:00:23]  You're such a fucking asshole because no one that listens to this podcast is going to check my podcast to see if what he's saying is correct.
[01:00:29]  Literally, there's an episode where there are two of us.
[01:00:31]  You said, chop them and screw them.
[01:00:34]  That's what you said.
[01:00:35]  You said, chop them and screw them.
[01:00:39]  I said, split them open and fuck.
[01:00:41]  That's crazy now.
[01:00:43]  Now you're a crazy person.
[01:00:46]  I also, it's interesting.
[01:00:47]  The other thing is the drag queens, I feel like, is what people are pissed off about now.
[01:00:50]  Drag queen, they're like, drag queens are going to fuck our kids.
[01:00:53]  Really?
[01:00:53]  I thought that show was popping RuPaul's dragon.
[01:00:55]  No, no, there was kids.
[01:00:57]  The ones that can read is becoming an issue.
[01:00:59]  Yeah.
[01:01:00]  But also, you know what it is?
[01:01:01]  It's just these literate drag queens that are doing like story time for kids and now parents are like all upset about it.
[01:01:07]  Literally in school, like Catholic schools, they're like the men in short dresses, not allowed.
[01:01:12]  Men in long dresses, you get to work.
[01:01:14]  Yeah, get in there.
[01:01:14]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:01:16]  I think it's odd.
[01:01:17]  To me, when I hear parents just going on and on about like the drag queens, they're going to molest our kids in the trans people.
[01:01:22]  I'm like, all you're doing is telling people that you think your kid is hot.
[01:01:26]  Like you think that your kid is like worth going to jail for.
[01:01:30]  Everyone thinks.
[01:01:31]  You should, though.
[01:01:31]  You should think that.
[01:01:32]  That's true.
[01:01:33]  You don't want to say that your kid's unmolestable.
[01:01:35]  Yeah.
[01:01:35]  But you're saying like someone's going to go to jail to fuck your kid.
[01:01:39]  Yeah.
[01:01:39]  I have faith in my kid.
[01:01:41]  I have faith in my future child.
[01:01:42]  Yeah.
[01:01:43]  My kid is going to be jail bait.
[01:01:45]  You think your kid's like sexy.
[01:01:46]  He will be.
[01:01:47]  No, no.
[01:01:48]  Or she will be.
[01:01:48]  Those are different things.
[01:01:51]  They will be.
[01:01:52]  Not to me, but just to everybody else.
[01:01:54]  What?
[01:01:55]  Objectively, I'm going to have a sexy kid.
[01:01:58]  No, They're not into the kids because they're sexy.
[01:02:02]  They're into the kids because they're kids.
[01:02:04]  That's facts.
[01:02:05]  That is facts.
[01:02:06]  But are you so?
[01:02:07]  Okay.
[01:02:07]  I'm just saying, I drag queens.
[01:02:09]  Does anyone know a drag queen here?
[01:02:11]  Do you know any drag queens?
[01:02:12]  It's like, it's just tricky because it's like, I like, I have a lot of drag queen friends.
[01:02:16]  They don't want to fuck their kids.
[01:02:17]  They don't even hug their own friends.
[01:02:18]  How many friends do you have?
[01:02:19]  They're such assholes.
[01:02:21]  Like, they don't, like, logistically, I think people don't understand like to molest your kid would take, they have to take off like their pantyhose and the spanes.
[01:02:29]  It's just too much work.
[01:02:30]  Yeah, untucking the whole thing.
[01:02:31]  They have to take the post-its off.
[01:02:32]  I don't know, the twine and the fucking.
[01:02:34]  I don't know.
[01:02:35]  That's a Mark Twain knowledge.
[01:02:37]  And then they have nails that couldn't even get the dick, you know.
[01:02:41]  Like, just think it through.
[01:02:44]  You once said that you, you are a giraffe.
[01:02:50]  I fucking hate you.
[01:02:53]  I never said that.
[01:02:54]  You did say that on a podcast.
[01:02:56]  Am I not crazy enough?
[01:02:57]  Do you have to make up fake crazy things?
[01:02:59]  You said on a podcast, you said, I am, I am a giraffe.
[01:03:03]  I never said that.
[01:03:04]  Yes, you did.
[01:03:04]  No, I didn't.
[01:03:05]  Why did you just look over there?
[01:03:06]  I was looking at Alex.
[01:03:08]  Okay, why?
[01:03:09]  Because I thought that maybe he would find that also funny.
[01:03:13]  Just thought that that was the kind of funny thing that you would say on a podcast.
[01:03:17]  I was observing her neck to see if it was true.
[01:03:19]  Yeah.
[01:03:21]  You did say that.
[01:03:22]  Didn't say it.
[01:03:23]  You said, I am giraffe.
[01:03:26]  You said that.
[01:03:28]  You did not say that.
[01:03:29]  But it's also, here's the thing.
[01:03:30]  I love you so much because it is so clear.
[01:03:32]  You have zero attraction to me.
[01:03:34]  You don't hear anything I say.
[01:03:35]  You never remembered any exchange we've ever had.
[01:03:38]  It's like true.
[01:03:39]  We are true family.
[01:03:40]  No, I think that you're amazing.
[01:03:43]  I think that you're the funniest motherfucker on the planet.
[01:03:46]  I think that your special jokes is going to be great.
[01:03:48]  I haven't seen it just yet, but I'll start watching tonight.
[01:03:50]  Also, that five-star feet.
[01:03:52]  And also, the special is shut the fuck up.
[01:03:56]  I also think that you believe you're a giraffe.
[01:04:01]  I do feel that.
[01:04:02]  Don't you think I'd see the gay guys coming a little sooner?
[01:04:05]  I mean, they're from behind.
[01:04:06]  I'm thinking that's possible, you know.
[01:04:15]  So, I just, what I'm trying to say is that you've had times in your history where you've tried to protect giraffes.
[01:04:23]  I have.
[01:04:24]  And you've gone above and beyond.
[01:04:27]  Above all, that's that is what giraffes do.
[01:04:31]  And it's something that my neck on the line.
[01:04:33]  You did put your neck on the line, and it touched my heart.
[01:04:36]  You really like you, and Theo love this.
[01:04:39]  I think it's the most beautiful thing.
[01:04:40]  Do you think this is when you were like because I'm sure I feel like everyone in our community?
[01:04:46]  Like have you used giraffe glue?
[01:04:49]  What is that?
[01:04:50]  Well, horse glue is good.
[01:04:51]  Gorilla glue.
[01:04:52]  Oh, horse glue.
[01:04:53]  But giraffe glue is exceptional.
[01:04:56]  What do you use it for?
[01:04:58]  Um, I don't know, put sticky on life together.
[01:05:02]  Putting this joke together.
[01:05:08]  Emma puts her vision board together for a second husband.
[01:05:15]  No, no, no.
[01:05:16]  I want to.
[01:05:17]  Can we be serious?
[01:05:19]  Please.
[01:05:20]  The special.
[01:05:21]  Yeah.
[01:05:21]  Okay.
[01:05:22]  Look, I can't convince you guys to watch a female do comedy.
[01:05:26]  I know that's not fair.
[01:05:27]  You can.
[01:05:28]  It's for no other reason.
[01:05:30]  There's no politics.
[01:05:31]  No, it's no TED, no secret TED Talk.
[01:05:35]  I don't, it's not an Oriental carpet of me like talking about my hardships.
[01:05:41]  There's no, but you can, though.
[01:05:44]  We respect that here.
[01:05:45]  Okay.
[01:05:45]  We're pros.
[01:05:45]  Like, there's no secret, like me coming out as gay and talking for 20 minutes with no jokes.
[01:05:49]  It's just jokes, beginning to end.
[01:05:52]  Just jokes.
[01:05:52]  Jokes.
[01:05:53]  If I'm going to do a TED Talk, it'll be on 10.com.
[01:05:55]  It's not going to be after a special.
[01:05:56]  I'm not tricking anyone into watching me be boring.
[01:06:01]  But there's some specials out there now.
[01:06:04]  You're 100% right about this.
[01:06:05]  100% right about this.
[01:06:06]  But you are great at jokes.
[01:06:08]  Thank you.
[01:06:10]  And you've had a lot of experience being great at jokes.
[01:06:13]  Thank you.
[01:06:15]  Not only great comedian, but also just a great writer in general.
[01:06:18]  Yeah.
[01:06:18]  Thank you.
[01:06:18]  I appreciate that.
[01:06:19]  Like, I think I'm funniest.
[01:06:22]  I mean, this sincerely, when I'm like thinking of stuff with you.
[01:06:27]  I think you're like cocaine.
[01:06:30]  You're doing comedy compliments, by the way.
[01:06:32]  Thank you.
[01:06:32]  No, I mean that.

=== Four Pages of Melania Jokes (07:55) ===

[01:06:33]  This I agree with.
[01:06:34]  This I agree with.
[01:06:35]  You're awesome.
[01:06:35]  It's just the energy, you feed it and everything just kind of builds.
[01:06:38]  And you're just, yeah, so it was a lot of fun.
[01:06:40]  That's one of the best things ever.
[01:06:41]  Like comics, like to me, there's so much weird comedy beef going on right now.
[01:06:45]  I'm like, the idea that like comics aren't friends with comics is so fucking wild to me.
[01:06:50]  You know?
[01:06:50]  Yeah.
[01:06:50]  You know the comics that don't hang out with comics?
[01:06:53]  Yeah.
[01:06:53]  You know?
[01:06:54]  Yeah.
[01:06:54]  Maybe they just want to enjoy their life.
[01:06:56]  That's also part.
[01:06:57]  Have you seen them?
[01:06:58]  Are they?
[01:06:59]  Yeah.
[01:07:00]  I know.
[01:07:03]  Yeah.
[01:07:03]  Yeah.
[01:07:04]  Mafi's great.
[01:07:06]  Phenomenal.
[01:07:08]  Have you been to a malfie?
[01:07:09]  No comics.
[01:07:11]  You don't see us a single one.
[01:07:13]  Fucking Rogan just went.
[01:07:17]  He's picking off Swedish people from a cliff.
[01:07:22]  Lex, move.
[01:07:25]  I come from the roasts.
[01:07:27]  I come from roast rooms.
[01:07:28]  I come from the first.
[01:07:29]  Did you meet Trump when you roasted him?
[01:07:30]  Yes.
[01:07:31]  You like.
[01:07:32]  Yes.
[01:07:32]  Was he cool?
[01:07:33]  This is actually one of my favorite stories ever.
[01:07:35]  And it's because that guy is first and foremost an entertainer.
[01:07:39]  He was the number one TV star in the world.
[01:07:41]  I remember when this shit was happening, I was like, This, he's going to fucking win because he knows how to command attention.
[01:07:46]  Yeah.
[01:07:46]  Love it or hate it.
[01:07:47]  And then, and then the fucking most genius shit is: remember one of the debates.
[01:07:50]  He said, I'm not coming.
[01:07:51]  You guys need me more than I need you.
[01:07:53]  He got more attention by not showing up than everyone else did by showing up.
[01:07:57]  You know, that guy attracts attention when he's not there.
[01:07:59]  Like, you know, but did the roast.
[01:08:02]  He demanded that it be in New York, which was kind of annoying because normally it's in LA.
[01:08:05]  Before that, I had done Joan Rivers, David Hasselhoff, and then I wrote for Sagitt, Pam Anderson, Flavor Flaves.
[01:08:10]  And so we're shooting at New York.
[01:08:12]  And it's all these like old ass people.
[01:08:15]  It's like Larry King and fucking all these idiots.
[01:08:17]  Oh, Jerry Springer, like all his friends.
[01:08:19]  May he rest in peace.
[01:08:20]  Yeah, I remember, I think I started with you guys, let's speed this up before Larry King dies.
[01:08:25]  Like, I think it was, you know, and I'm hammering him.
[01:08:28]  And there was an off-limits thing.
[01:08:29]  Every roast has an off-limits, right?
[01:08:32]  Shatner was the dead woman in the pool.
[01:08:35]  Okay.
[01:08:36]  Remember William Shatner had a dead woman, his wife died in the pool, drowned?
[01:08:39]  Something?
[01:08:40]  Let's fuck up your algorithm.
[01:08:42]  And then Pam Anderson was the kid in the pool because a baby drowned a kid drowned at one of their parties.
[01:08:48]  At one of their parties.
[01:08:49]  Oh, my.
[01:08:50]  Joan Rivers was her sister, her daughter, Melissa.
[01:08:53]  We can't make fun of her.
[01:08:54]  And then Hulk Hogan said we couldn't make fun of his daughter.
[01:08:57]  And then I remember, what did I?
[01:09:00]  Yeah, Shatner's wife died in the pool.
[01:09:02]  Oh, yeah, yo, that's rough.
[01:09:04]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:09:05]  And then there, yeah, right.
[01:09:06]  And then, so for who's this?
[01:09:09]  Trump, it was not even Ivanka, weirdly.
[01:09:12]  It was Melania.
[01:09:13]  And I just was like, I'm not cutting.
[01:09:15]  I mean, I had like four pages of fucking Melania jokes.
[01:09:17]  And I was like, you know, because she also did QVC at the time.
[01:09:19]  So I was doing jokes.
[01:09:20]  It's like, you know, about that.
[01:09:22]  And then, oh, the diamond.
[01:09:23]  You shouldn't have gotten Melania such a big diamond ring.
[01:09:26]  Now she knows what heart is supposed to feel like.
[01:09:29]  His dick constantly, his fucking shitty, like real estate stuff, whatever.
[01:09:33]  Like it was like, people don't know.
[01:09:34]  Like, we're talking, making fun of his hair.
[01:09:36]  We're making fun of his dick, like how bad he is at business, like naming.
[01:09:39]  And he was like dying, laughing the whole time.
[01:09:41]  Get off stage and he pulls me close, puts his hand on my lower back, and goes, Fire.
[01:09:46]  Huh?
[01:09:46]  Fire.
[01:09:46]  Fire.
[01:09:47]  That's correct.
[01:09:48]  Oh, fire.
[01:09:49]  He goes, I thought he was going to be like mad.
[01:09:51]  He goes, that was great television.
[01:09:55]  He gets it television.
[01:09:56]  He gets it.
[01:09:57]  Think about that.
[01:09:58]  Great.
[01:09:59]  Not that was funny.
[01:10:00]  That was not funny.
[01:10:00]  That was mean.
[01:10:01]  It was great.
[01:10:01]  It doesn't fucking matter what I think.
[01:10:03]  That was great television because he looked like he was upset and he was kind of like playing it up.
[01:10:07]  I think he was kind of like, oh, man.
[01:10:09]  Like he was sort of like, whoo.
[01:10:11]  And then he was like, great television.
[01:10:13]  Like we were in on it together.
[01:10:15]  It was weird because I was really coming for him and I didn't hurt him at all.
[01:10:19]  Any other interaction with him?
[01:10:21]  Not really.
[01:10:22]  He did ask for my number, though.
[01:10:23]  No, he didn't.
[01:10:24]  Yeah.
[01:10:24]  You said yes or no?
[01:10:25]  I don't know.
[01:10:25]  He asked through like an agent and I don't remember what I said.
[01:10:30]  That's a yes.
[01:10:30]  So yeah, I don't know if he didn't call me or not, but he didn't call me that.
[01:10:34]  Now, do you feel a sense of rejection that he didn't reach out?
[01:10:38]  Yeah.
[01:10:40]  Yeah.
[01:10:40]  My pussy's easy to grab.
[01:10:44]  What is that?
[01:10:45]  By the way, what is that?
[01:10:46]  Was there something about the grabbing by the pussy that we, I didn't get?
[01:10:50]  What do you mean?
[01:10:50]  Like, is that a thing that is done?
[01:10:52]  What, just grabbing that monkey?
[01:10:54]  Just what happens when you grab someone's pussy?
[01:10:58]  Is that like a thing?
[01:10:59]  Or was that something you guys heard it when we're like, oh, what is that?
[01:11:02]  That's just the craziest thing to like get a girl to come over.
[01:11:05]  Yeah.
[01:11:06]  Yes, it's a wild thing to do.
[01:11:08]  Yeah.
[01:11:08]  That's what's great to me.
[01:11:09]  He was being.
[01:11:11]  I think that's what it is.
[01:11:12]  I think he was just making great television.
[01:11:13]  Yeah, he was making great television.
[01:11:16]  Making great audio.
[01:11:17]  Yeah.
[01:11:18]  He didn't know anyone was listening because you know all the time to Mel Gibson.
[01:11:22]  Have you listened to Mel Gibson's meltdown lately?
[01:11:24]  There's another one?
[01:11:24]  Oh, no.
[01:11:25]  This is the old one.
[01:11:26]  I really listened to it.
[01:11:27]  When he's calling the wife, my Lakers tickets.
[01:11:30]  No.
[01:11:30]  The one where he's like, I gave up my Lakers tickets.
[01:11:33]  When he talks about the gang, you're going to get gangbanged.
[01:11:36]  The Russian whore that yeah, took all his money.
[01:11:39]  She was a Russian whore, though, too.
[01:11:40]  That's the thing.
[01:11:41]  Like, these Amber Heards have existed for a while.
[01:11:43]  Interesting.
[01:11:44]  Wow.
[01:11:44]  Right?
[01:11:45]  Interesting.
[01:11:45]  Have you met Amber Heard?
[01:11:47]  I have, I have not, but I saw her one time at an upfronts event.
[01:11:52]  She was healthy.
[01:11:53]  She looked unscathed.
[01:11:55]  Well, this was like, this was when she was on a show called The Playboy Show, and she played a Playboy Bunny on a short-lived show on NBC about like Hugh Hefner or something.
[01:12:03]  And the way she posed on a red carpet sent chills down my spot.
[01:12:08]  Why would she?
[01:12:08]  It was ball.
[01:12:09]  Well, because, so normally when you're on a red carpet, like you're awkward, you're weird.
[01:12:12]  If anyone enjoys that, they're psychopaths.
[01:12:14]  Like, it's awkward.
[01:12:15]  It's embarrassing.
[01:12:16]  You're kind of like.
[01:12:16]  That's the worst.
[01:12:17]  And what are you supposed to think?
[01:12:18]  Like, fuck me.
[01:12:19]  Like, what's a healthy thought on a red carpet?
[01:12:21]  You know?
[01:12:22]  So for me, I'm really bad at it, but I think that's probably a good thing.
[01:12:25]  She does this thing.
[01:12:26]  She was going down the red carpet.
[01:12:27]  I'm probably off camera.
[01:12:28]  We have a, we have, we have, but she would go like this.
[01:12:30]  So the cameras are here, right?
[01:12:31]  She put her head down and go, whoa.
[01:12:36]  And then take her step to go to the next one and put her head down again.
[01:12:39]  Oh, yeah, that's creepy.
[01:12:40]  Do you know what I'm saying?
[01:12:41]  It was like she had a process.
[01:12:43]  Like reanimating every time she moved.
[01:12:44]  Well, yeah, and then down so they couldn't get a bad photo.
[01:12:47]  And then.
[01:12:48]  Whoa.
[01:12:48]  Oh, so the only smart.
[01:12:51]  It's very smart, but like we're smart people.
[01:12:53]  We wouldn't have thought of it because we're not going to dedicate it.
[01:12:55]  We don't care about our red carpet.
[01:12:56]  I know, but imagine.
[01:12:57]  I wish I did after I was in the middle of the day.
[01:12:58]  Had an NBC from your fucking movie premiere.
[01:13:03]  Do you know the one where I have leukemia?
[01:13:05]  Do you remember that?
[01:13:05]  Oh my God, dude.
[01:13:06]  Dude, you look crazy.
[01:13:09]  Yes.
[01:13:09]  I've got a million pictures of you.
[01:13:10]  You look like Shaggy's sister.
[01:13:15]  The girlfriend experience.
[01:13:17]  Yeah.
[01:13:17]  Wait, dude, we need to get him insane.
[01:13:20]  I know, dude.
[01:13:21]  Vitamin B12 shot.
[01:13:23]  Oh, this is pre-eyes.
[01:13:25]  Dude, what were you going through, bro?
[01:13:27]  Dude, that was a rough time.
[01:13:29]  This is bad.
[01:13:30]  This is a rough time.
[01:13:32]  American history accenters.
[01:13:34]  Yeah, dog.
[01:13:36]  What's up with the scurry?
[01:13:41]  Were you doing a comedy cruise?
[01:13:44]  There's no weapons.
[01:13:45]  What's why is this because you played a gay guy on that show?
[01:13:47]  You had to look like you'd AIDS.
[01:13:48]  Oh, deal.
[01:13:53]  Holy shit.
[01:13:54]  What is it?
[01:13:55]  Did Jane Carson?
[01:13:57]  Dying of AIDS.
[01:13:58]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:13:59]  Dying of AIDS up here.
[01:14:00]  Dying of AIDS.
[01:14:02]  Hey, he also got butt-fucked in a bathroom in that show.
[01:14:05]  I didn't get buttons.
[01:14:05]  He has never done this.
[01:14:07]  I didn't get it.
[01:14:09]  He knows exactly.
[01:14:09]  He did not know.
[01:14:10]  I didn't get butt fucked.
[01:14:11]  There's no proof I got butt fucked.
[01:14:14]  But there was a scene.
[01:14:14]  There's circumstantial evidence he got butt-fucked.
[01:14:17]  That's what you might say.
[01:14:18]  My character would never let that happen to him.
[01:14:21]  There's no proof of this.
[01:14:22]  There's no proof of what happened.
[01:14:24]  There's no proof whatsoever.
[01:14:25]  Were you friends with Jim Carrey on that?
[01:14:27]  No, he wasn't on it.
[01:14:28]  He wasn't on it.

=== Dying of AIDS on Screen (05:48) ===

[01:14:29]  But he produced it, I thought.
[01:14:30]  No.
[01:14:32]  If he produced it, it probably would have got more than one season.
[01:14:34]  That's probably true.
[01:14:35]  No, it was, what's the guy's name?
[01:14:38]  Fucking A. Phil Vasil Bad.
[01:14:40]  Oh, God.
[01:14:41]  What's his name?
[01:14:42]  Paul Riser.
[01:14:43]  Riser.
[01:14:43]  Paul Riser.
[01:14:46]  I love Paul Riser.
[01:14:47]  He's great.
[01:14:47]  He's one of your big influences, right?
[01:14:50]  He is actually sort of the first concept I had of like that comedy was written.
[01:14:54]  I was at a yard sale when I was a kid.
[01:14:56]  I was probably 12 years old and I found a book at the yard sale called Couplehood.
[01:15:00]  I love him talking about my hero and I'm like, your book was at a yard sale.
[01:15:04]  Like I picked it out of the trash.
[01:15:06]  And that book, Couplehood, I remember reading it and going like, oh my God, like you can be funny on purpose.
[01:15:11]  Like you can, I know I'm not making any sense, but I remember going like planned comedy.
[01:15:16]  The way he's putting, putting that, and it was also, it reflected the way that I think I always thought it was like so neurotic and crazy because I would obsess over little things like doilies.
[01:15:24]  I would, I was like doing bad comedy when I was a kid.
[01:15:26]  I'd be like, well, what's the point of, you're just going to get the doily dirty?
[01:15:28]  Like I would obsess over stupid shit.
[01:15:29]  Yeah.
[01:15:30]  And that's what he was doing in that book.
[01:15:31]  And I was like, oh, you can do that.
[01:15:32]  Yeah.
[01:15:33]  Like as a people like it.
[01:15:34]  Yeah.
[01:15:35]  Don't think it's crazy.
[01:15:36]  Yeah.
[01:15:36]  You know what I'm saying?
[01:15:37]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:15:37]  But yeah, he's a, he's working a ton as an actor right now.
[01:15:40]  Like, he's in Stranger Things.
[01:15:42]  He's in Masel.
[01:15:43]  By the way, I love that Joe Rogan's favorite show is Marvelous Mrs. Basil.
[01:15:47]  Yeah.
[01:15:48]  Like, isn't that the sweetest when every now and then he's like, have you seen this show?
[01:15:51]  He's like, he's like, here's my new bow and my medieval armor.
[01:15:55]  Have you seen the show's Kimmy Schmidt?
[01:15:57]  It's so good.
[01:15:59]  You're like, what the fuck is your life?
[01:16:02]  Like, it's so wild to me.
[01:16:03]  He's just surrounded like woolly mammoth bones.
[01:16:07]  And he's just like, have you seen Amelie in Paris?
[01:16:10]  Like, what?
[01:16:11]  I love the shows that he watches.
[01:16:13]  It's so endearing.
[01:16:15]  He's legit with that bow.
[01:16:16]  I'm not going to lie.
[01:16:17]  Where I was doing the episode, and then he has like a shooting range in the studio.
[01:16:21]  Not in the studio, but in the warehouse that he has.
[01:16:25]  And he got the bow and arrow.
[01:16:28]  He brought one arrow and he walked to the back of the thing.
[01:16:32]  And it's probably like, I don't know, 150 feet away.
[01:16:35]  And there's a fake elk there.
[01:16:38]  And the fake elk has a box on it that's that big that's black.
[01:16:42]  And he just adjusts some shit on the arrow, puts it.
[01:16:44]  So that was his black square for Black Lives Matter.
[01:16:48]  Yes.
[01:16:52]  He did do it.
[01:16:53]  He knew it.
[01:16:54]  Yes.
[01:16:55]  I mean, it did.
[01:16:55]  He should have to do performative activism.
[01:16:57]  He does it in private accounts.
[01:16:59]  That's exactly.
[01:17:00]  Did you put up the black square?
[01:17:04]  I'm sure I did.
[01:17:06]  Like, I'm sure I would do some basic shit like that.
[01:17:10]  Like, I probably put it up knowing I was going to get shit and like, then like archived it.
[01:17:16]  I bet I did some basic.
[01:17:18]  Can we check to see if you know, because I remember I was getting a bunch of shit for it.
[01:17:24]  I think I was talking to Donnell.
[01:17:26]  It was like Donnell and like a couple people and they're like, just put it up.
[01:17:30]  Like that's the right thing to do.
[01:17:31]  I think Donnell was, was he not about putting it up or something?
[01:17:34]  He was like, white people should put it up.
[01:17:36]  We shouldn't have to.
[01:17:36]  At least at the time.
[01:17:37]  I'm sure every day it probably changed.
[01:17:40]  Like one minute it was probably the right thing to do and then it was corny and then it was disrespectful and then it was like, why didn't you put it up?
[01:17:45]  You know, whatever.
[01:17:46]  I think a couple people who I fuck.
[01:17:49]  I'm going back.
[01:17:50]  I'm going back.
[01:17:51]  You keep going.
[01:17:51]  I'm just doing research.
[01:17:52]  That's all.
[01:17:53]  That's all.
[01:17:54]  Good feed, though.
[01:17:55]  I'll be honest.
[01:17:55]  This is fun.
[01:17:56]  Feed up.
[01:18:00]  Feed the feed.
[01:18:03]  But so what happened?
[01:18:03]  Did he get the he shot it right in the yeah?
[01:18:06]  One, and I was like, oh, wow, this is this is legit.
[01:18:10]  I do worry sometimes that Joe is just going to be like, fuck this, and just is going to like make knives.
[01:18:15]  You know what I mean?
[01:18:16]  He should.
[01:18:16]  Can't you see him just like make no.
[01:18:20]  He loves it too much.
[01:18:21]  Okay, good.
[01:18:21]  Cause I do feel like there, he might get into pottery or something.
[01:18:25]  No, like he might.
[01:18:27]  That's the thing I realized.
[01:18:28]  Like he's a, he's the type of guy that like, and we talked about this a little bit on the pod, but like he gets incredibly passionate about things and becomes successful about them.
[01:18:39]  Sometimes they're business, sometimes they're just pleasure.
[01:18:42]  But whatever it is, if it's hunting, it's the most, I need to hunt the most extreme thing.
[01:18:47]  And I'm going to be the best at a bow.
[01:18:49]  I'm not like, he figures it the fucking thing out.
[01:18:51]  But don't you think we're all like comedians and hunters by nature?
[01:18:54]  Well, okay, go on that.
[01:18:55]  You're like, when is your movie?
[01:18:56]  You're like, you got this premise and you're trying to get it.
[01:18:58]  And you're like, I feel like we're kind of hunters in that way.
[01:19:01]  You know, hunter for the joke.
[01:19:02]  Like, we are, I know this is a metaphor I'm stretching, but it's.
[01:19:05]  That's the gayest way to describe hunting.
[01:19:08]  Thank you.
[01:19:08]  Thank you.
[01:19:08]  Thank you for being here.
[01:19:09]  No, there's no stakes.
[01:19:11]  Joke won't kill me in my sleep.
[01:19:13]  You know what I mean?
[01:19:14]  A premise has never strangled me.
[01:19:16]  But I think the way you approach it, you're like, it's kind of fine.
[01:19:23]  You only have five specials.
[01:19:25]  What the fuck would I do?
[01:19:28]  You know, we're like paleontologists.
[01:19:30]  We're just like, you know, the way you feel.
[01:19:32]  Because to me, the way he gets obsessed with kidding, getting this fucking elf that he could just go get at the grocery store in 20 minutes, like the way we are with a premise when you can't fucking talk about it.
[01:19:41]  We love comedy, and I think that's something we really care about.
[01:19:44]  I think there are people who have passions.
[01:19:46]  We were talking about this in the podcast, but I think it's an interesting conversation.
[01:19:48]  It's like when you're passionate about something, it doesn't even really matter how much it costs, right?
[01:19:55]  If you aren't passionate about something and you just have a hobby that makes you look cool, then there's resentment.
[01:20:00]  Yeah.
[01:20:01]  Right.
[01:20:01]  So if like, if you're, if you're like, Joe has a hobby that makes him look dorky.
[01:20:05]  Because he loves it.
[01:20:06]  I know.
[01:20:06]  And then I might do that sandy pack.
[01:20:08]  You're Joe Rogan.
[01:20:09]  How do you look dorky right now?
[01:20:10]  So, so, and we were talking about Jay Leno, who's like, I think the perfect example.
[01:20:13]  It's like, he probably has tens of millions of dollars worth of cars.
[01:20:16]  He has 11 garages.

=== Free Waifu Cup for Gamers (03:20) ===

[01:20:17]  I've been.
[01:20:18]  And you've been, okay.
[01:20:19]  Nobody goes, oh, that's a waste of money.
[01:20:21]  Nobody says, like, oh, God, look at this guy.
[01:20:23]  They're starving kids in Africa because he's so passionate about every single one of the cars.
[01:20:27]  He knows every single nut and bolt and everything.
[01:20:31]  They're not all Ferraris.
[01:20:34]  Some of them are.
[01:20:34]  Some of these expensive cars.
[01:20:35]  Exactly.
[01:20:35]  But also, no, like the Saudi Prince cars.
[01:20:38]  They're not.
[01:20:38]  And it'll be like a Mazda Miata.
[01:20:40]  And you're like, what's so great about this?
[01:20:41]  This was the only one that was made by the.
[01:20:42]  This is the first one off the fucking thing.
[01:20:45]  So I think that we recognize that.
[01:20:46]  And I think that like when you see somebody who's passionate about something, even if that passion is expensive, you go, oh man, this person really loves that thing.
[01:20:53]  Yes.
[01:20:53]  I'm okay with it.
[01:20:54]  I think that I think we resent money when somebody's really just trying to impress us with the money.
[01:20:59]  They're like, well, you want to impress me?
[01:21:01]  Give me money.
[01:21:02]  Yeah.
[01:21:02]  That's the most impressive thing.
[01:21:04]  All right, guys, we'll take a break for a second.
[01:21:05]  Listen up, nerds.
[01:21:07]  I know some of y'all probably watching Flagrant right now, maybe even listening to Flagrant Why You Play a Video Game.
[01:21:13]  Well, you know what?
[01:21:14]  You might be dozing off.
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[01:21:26]  And that's motherfucking Gamer Sups.
[01:21:28]  Simple as that.
[01:21:29]  What you playing?
[01:21:30]  Roblox?
[01:21:31]  Dork?
[01:21:32]  Gamer Sups it.
[01:21:33]  Okay.
[01:21:34]  What you playing?
[01:21:35]  Name another game, Mark.
[01:21:36]  Fork knives.
[01:21:37]  Fork knives?
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[01:21:40]  Gamer subset.
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[01:21:43]  Sipping out of a waifu?
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[01:21:52]  Gamer sups.
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[01:22:05]  You can fill it with whatever the fuck you want, but we know what you're going to fill it with.
[01:22:09]  Okay.
[01:22:09]  I recommend getting that guacamole gamer fart 9000 and get yourself a free waifu cup.
[01:22:15]  Simple as that.
[01:22:16]  I don't even know what that meant.
[01:22:17]  I just read it.
[01:22:18]  Ron Burgundy style.
[01:22:19]  It sounds crazy and I hope that's a real thing.
[01:22:22]  Okay.
[01:22:23]  Waifu cups currently resell in eBay for between $200 and $300.
[01:22:28]  $300 if you fill them with something special.
[01:22:31]  Point is, if you go to gamersups, G-A-M-E-R-S-U-P-P-S dot G-G, you spend $35 for a tub.
[01:22:39]  You get that free waifu cup right now.
[01:22:42]  Go do it.
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[01:22:51]  Nerds, get on it.
[01:22:53]  Get your energy up and destroy.
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=== Hardest Dicks in Business (14:38) ===

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[01:24:01]  First month free, $5 shipping.
[01:24:03]  You're welcome.
[01:24:04]  Let's get back to the show.
[01:24:05]  Wait a minute.
[01:24:06]  Tell me about Rosie O'Donnell.
[01:24:08]  Yeah.
[01:24:08]  You did a show with her.
[01:24:13]  Deputy producing ran the reboot of Roseanne.
[01:24:16]  Is that what you meant to say?
[01:24:17]  I actually wanted to ask her about this.
[01:24:21]  Are they different?
[01:24:24]  And that song by the police.
[01:24:26]  They also have a lot of fun.
[01:24:27]  They're like $800 million different.
[01:24:29]  Hold on.
[01:24:32]  I thought Rosie O'Donnell plays Roseanne in the show Roseanne.
[01:24:38]  I think that's the same person.
[01:24:40]  No, Roseanne is a fucking beast on stage.
[01:24:43]  Rosie, I haven't seen her stand up really that recently for sure.
[01:24:46]  She's the one that sang the national anthem that one time.
[01:24:48]  That's Roseanne.
[01:24:49]  That's Fergie.
[01:24:50]  And she's, oh, they might have both, but remember, Roseanne famously spit on the thing and pissed everybody off.
[01:24:56]  I thought that was Rosie O'Donnell.
[01:24:57]  No, I don't know.
[01:25:00]  You know what?
[01:25:00]  You're like me and John Candy and John Doodman.
[01:25:03]  It's the same.
[01:25:03]  I know what you're doing.
[01:25:04]  Like I have that.
[01:25:05]  I'll never mistake you with John.
[01:25:06]  Which one?
[01:25:08]  That's very different.
[01:25:09]  Which one do you need to make?
[01:25:11]  Do they let you talk?
[01:25:15]  I'm just curious.
[01:25:20]  I'm trying to figure out what's going on.
[01:25:23]  Me too.
[01:25:23]  I have no clue.
[01:25:25]  So Roseanne Barr is different than Rosie O'Donnell.
[01:25:30]  Yes.
[01:25:31]  I'm still confused.
[01:25:33]  I don't know what Rosie O'Donnell is.
[01:25:34]  Roseanne, I EP'd the reboot, which 20 years later came out and it was massive.
[01:25:40]  I mean, it was, yeah, 25 million people.
[01:25:42]  Brilliant night.
[01:25:42]  Yeah.
[01:25:42]  Brilliant idea.
[01:25:43]  Thank you.
[01:25:44]  And then, and then she was a sort of publicly.
[01:25:49]  How much you make on that?
[01:25:51]  We made 600 grand.
[01:25:52]  Yeah.
[01:25:52]  For 10 episodes, maybe?
[01:25:54]  Each episode you make 600 grand.
[01:25:55]  No.
[01:25:56]  No, no, no.
[01:25:57]  I think I took home that after like commissions and all that.
[01:26:00]  And then do you get like a piece of the show?
[01:26:02]  How does it work?
[01:26:03]  No, because I number one, it was a reboot, so it had already been created, you know, and Roseanne already got kind of screwed on creator credit and stuff like that.
[01:26:11]  Like, you know, because this is like 25 years ago, she was like pushed around.
[01:26:14]  And even though it was all her idea, you know, she had three kids and then became a stand-up at like 45, 40 something, you know?
[01:26:23]  Like that, think about that.
[01:26:24]  No, I didn't.
[01:26:24]  How crazy that is.
[01:26:25]  Didn't she adopt a kid?
[01:26:26]  25 years ago, she has a couple adopted, I think.
[01:26:29]  Yeah.
[01:26:30]  Yeah.
[01:26:31]  Which is just what?
[01:26:32]  Can you imagine?
[01:26:33]  I think Johnny could want to adopt this.
[01:26:35]  Hilariously.
[01:26:35]  Are the adopted kids black?
[01:26:37]  So you could probably get out of that tweet if you wanted to.
[01:26:39]  You know, if she wanted to say what?
[01:26:41]  If one of the adopted kids is black, she could probably get out of being racist with that tweet.
[01:26:45]  Yeah, I think that would work.
[01:26:46]  Yeah.
[01:26:46]  Yeah.
[01:26:47]  Agree.
[01:26:47]  Okay.
[01:26:48]  For sure.
[01:26:49]  Listen, I didn't want you to have to talk about such a traumatic time in your life.
[01:26:54]  What?
[01:26:54]  Rosie?
[01:26:55]  With Rosie.
[01:26:55]  No, it wasn't traumatic.
[01:26:57]  I just like, I had to be in the middle of this fucking nightmare.
[01:27:01]  What did you think about it?
[01:27:03]  It didn't cross my radar.
[01:27:04]  Oh, got it.
[01:27:04]  Yeah, there we go.
[01:27:06]  We were actually.
[01:27:07]  Do you even have a camera on?
[01:27:09]  Is there even a camera on you?
[01:27:11]  Like, waiting for you to breathe and then I'll jump in.
[01:27:16]  And then I'll jump in.
[01:27:18]  Have you ever created a show with someone who didn't get canceled?
[01:27:21]  No.
[01:27:22]  By the way, literally no.
[01:27:25]  Dude, the show before that.
[01:27:27]  How about this, bitch?
[01:27:28]  The show before that, I was playing.
[01:27:30]  God, I didn't do that HBO show with you.
[01:27:33]  I was playing Alec Baldwin's daughter in a show.
[01:27:37]  No.
[01:27:38]  How?
[01:27:38]  Dodged a bullet.
[01:27:40]  But how?
[01:27:43]  How could you be his daughter?
[01:27:45]  We were.
[01:27:46]  I don't understand that.
[01:27:47]  These are two very good jokes that y'all both missed coming together.
[01:27:50]  Dodge the bullet.
[01:27:51]  Oh, I got that.
[01:27:52]  That was good.
[01:27:53]  Don't touch my finger like that.
[01:27:56]  Wait a minute.
[01:27:57]  Hold on.
[01:27:58]  But you played his daughter in what?
[01:28:01]  We were developing a show.
[01:28:02]  We were developing a show.
[01:28:03]  We were traveling in Tori, Kenya Barris.
[01:28:05]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:28:06]  South of Kenya.
[01:28:07]  Yes.
[01:28:07]  And Alec Baldwin.
[01:28:09]  Biological daughter?
[01:28:12]  How old is Alex?
[01:28:13]  Does he have you young or something?
[01:28:15]  How young?
[01:28:16]  Is it a teenage daughter?
[01:28:22]  What was it?
[01:28:28]  He's 64.
[01:28:29]  I like to write the book.
[01:28:31]  Alec Baldwin is 64.
[01:28:33]  64.
[01:28:34]  I'm 39.
[01:28:35]  Wait, you're.
[01:28:36]  25 degrees difference.
[01:28:37]  Yeah.
[01:28:38]  25-year difference.
[01:28:39]  That's kind of.
[01:28:40]  He had me when he was 64.
[01:28:41]  He would have had me when he was 24.
[01:28:42]  Yeah.
[01:28:43]  That's why I said a younger.
[01:28:44]  Is that the age of your wife?
[01:28:45]  No.
[01:28:49]  I don't need to say it either.
[01:28:51]  Curious why that was a familiar number.
[01:28:54]  It was her in her prime before she started slipping.
[01:29:02]  Oh my God.
[01:29:02]  It's too bad.
[01:29:05]  I was like, I know Andrew.
[01:29:06]  I was like, what do I get them as a wedding gift?
[01:29:08]  I'm like, I'm going to get her a makeup artist.
[01:29:09]  She's like, oh, I don't.
[01:29:11]  I don't need one of those.
[01:29:11]  I'm like, trust me.
[01:29:14]  I said that or she said that.
[01:29:15]  Oh, yeah.
[01:29:16]  No, you give, you had to give her a good present.
[01:29:19]  Well, that was a good present because I didn't want her to get emotional and then have to think about it.
[01:29:23]  I wanted to be able to take off her plate having to think about the way she looked on her wedding day, whether she used the makeup or not.
[01:29:29]  Just knowing someone was there.
[01:29:31]  Oh, to like look after her.
[01:29:33]  To outsource the anxiety of like having to put makeup on.
[01:29:36]  You know what I mean?
[01:29:36]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:29:37]  But it made her feel very good.
[01:29:39]  Yeah.
[01:29:39]  And I appreciate that.
[01:29:41]  And then I also took what she was doing.
[01:29:42]  That was a very thoughtful present you also gave me.
[01:29:45]  I have to take that out of my backpack, but the one that you gave me when I did your podcast.
[01:29:49]  That was, I still regret giving you that gift.
[01:29:52]  I haven't taken it out of my backpack.
[01:29:54]  You should, because with your thing where you just pour liquids out on things, you should because that is, I got, I did, Rick Rubin is doing a documentary series on Rodney Dangerfield, and he gave me three pieces of paper that were Rodney original that he wrote his tonight show sets.
[01:30:11]  He wrote out every word, even the things you think were improvised.
[01:30:14]  You know, it sort of feels weird to say that about a comic.
[01:30:17]  It's almost like you're throwing in the mud of the bus.
[01:30:18]  Like they wrote out their improv, but like it was just so Rodney, you know?
[01:30:22]  And so I kept two pieces and I gave Andrew the third one for his sick.
[01:30:26]  You have it.
[01:30:27]  Amazing.
[01:30:28]  I have it.
[01:30:28]  You need to fill on it in the show.
[01:30:30]  Yeah, I was going to say, yeah, you should frame it soon.
[01:30:33]  That is giving me some anxiety.
[01:30:34]  I'm going to frame.
[01:30:35]  Where is it?
[01:30:36]  To my backpack.
[01:30:36]  Where?
[01:30:38]  Like, you have it right now?
[01:30:40]  I feel like you're pranking me or something like that.
[01:30:42]  I don't think you know what it is.
[01:30:43]  I don't think you value it.
[01:30:44]  He thinks you don't give a shit about the gift.
[01:30:46]  Yeah.
[01:30:46]  No, can I tell you?
[01:30:47]  He got really serious.
[01:30:48]  He got really, I've never seen Andrew like he like got, he didn't make a joke.
[01:30:53]  He didn't call me old.
[01:30:54]  Like he just, he wasn't like.
[01:30:56]  He didn't ever call you old.
[01:30:57]  But he wasn't like, oh, did Rodney give you this after the show?
[01:30:59]  Like he didn't do that.
[01:31:02]  I mean, Rodney could be your dad.
[01:31:03]  That makes sense.
[01:31:04]  Yeah.
[01:31:04]  Yeah.
[01:31:05]  Alec Baldwin's not that young.
[01:31:07]  He's 64, but this is actually better.
[01:31:09]  You guys, I don't give a fuck.
[01:31:11]  Wait a minute.
[01:31:11]  How did you get it?
[01:31:12]  So Alec Baldwin wanted me to play his daughter in a show.
[01:31:15]  He just wanted to do a show.
[01:31:15]  How did you get the notes?
[01:31:17]  I thought you wrote it with Rodney Danger.
[01:31:21]  You guys do the show.
[01:31:23]  I think I did.
[01:31:26]  He did, but it was.
[01:31:30]  A guest on card Johnny Carson.
[01:31:32]  It's so funny when a man does it.
[01:31:35]  She's like so different.
[01:31:37]  It's like you said it and we didn't hear it.
[01:31:39]  It's funnier.
[01:31:39]  It is funnier when a guy does it.
[01:31:41]  It's wild.
[01:31:42]  Because it's meaner.
[01:31:44]  Yeah.
[01:31:45]  It's just meaner.
[01:31:46]  And mean is kind of funny.
[01:31:47]  Always.
[01:31:48]  Yeah.
[01:31:48]  I love it.
[01:31:49]  I'm a really big fan of play fighting and sparring.
[01:31:52]  Jews?
[01:32:01]  Something I don't say often.
[01:32:02]  Come again?
[01:32:05]  No, you're a big fan of play fighting and sparring.
[01:32:08]  Like, like go back and forth.
[01:32:09]  Like, I grew up like, as I get older, I already say that.
[01:32:16]  I divide people into categories.
[01:32:19]  Do I have to convince you you're not old?
[01:32:21]  It's like people old.
[01:32:24]  Thank you, people.
[01:32:25]  These are like two.
[01:32:26]  How old are you?
[01:32:27]  Half my body's only like two years old.
[01:32:29]  Did you have?
[01:32:32]  Sorry.
[01:32:33]  Sorry.
[01:32:33]  Can I just tell one joke?
[01:32:34]  Because this is like, I feel like you guys are into jokes here, believe it or not.
[01:32:37]  You tell them Andrew Retailer.
[01:32:39]  Yeah, right, right.
[01:32:40]  Yeah, but I can't wait to see you do it.
[01:32:41]  I'll do the shitty version, which is when I did the roast of Joan Rivers.
[01:32:44]  I know why you look so young here.
[01:32:47]  I know now.
[01:32:48]  What?
[01:32:49]  Oh.
[01:32:50]  I was like, why does she look so funny?
[01:32:52]  So when he steps on my punchline, you don't do anything?
[01:32:56]  Am I co-hosting a podcast with you already?
[01:32:59]  That's my boys.
[01:33:00]  No, no, sorry.
[01:33:02]  Does he make you move your seat back?
[01:33:08]  Is this part of the contract that you have to be four inches high?
[01:33:11]  Is that the Rosa Parks seat?
[01:33:13]  I use Parks.
[01:33:15]  He's riding the bus with his brother.
[01:33:16]  That's what they're doing.
[01:33:18]  Is that why this is the Parks project?
[01:33:20]  Yes, exactly.
[01:33:21]  No, go, go, go, go.
[01:33:22]  Well, no, it was Joan Rivers.
[01:33:23]  And I said, I want to do a joke that said for comedy family.
[01:33:25]  You went to elementary with her, right?
[01:33:28]  No, We worked in the Chinese.
[01:33:32]  You caught her in elementary school.
[01:33:34]  We worked at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory together.
[01:33:36]  That's fire, dude.
[01:33:38]  Okay, go.
[01:33:40]  Miles, Miles got nuanced, nuanced sense of humor, right?
[01:33:45]  Some fucking to Bry University show.
[01:33:48]  Okay, go.
[01:33:49]  So Joan Rivers has had so much plastic surgery every year.
[01:33:53]  She books Montreal New Faces.
[01:33:54]  That's funny.
[01:33:55]  Totally joke.
[01:33:56]  It's a good joke, but it was such an inside comedy joke.
[01:33:58]  It's about the Montreal New Faces.
[01:34:00]  Yeah, only comics are going to get.
[01:34:01]  Yeah, so I actually chickened out on that one, but I did at the time.
[01:34:04]  I remember, I think this was the joke that kind of was like the one.
[01:34:07]  I think that everyone sort of was like, oh, a woman can maybe be funny for like a minute.
[01:34:10]  Which was this at the time.
[01:34:14]  Sorry.
[01:34:16]  Sorry.
[01:34:17]  He's like, has to make noise.
[01:34:20]  You know what you're like when fucking the fans from the opposite team fucking hold the doodlies while someone's trying to shoot a free throw?
[01:34:28]  I'm just listening to you.
[01:34:29]  I'm enjoying everything you're saying.
[01:34:32]  You're a woman talking.
[01:34:34]  It's not a problem.
[01:34:35]  It's my favorite business.
[01:34:36]  It's my favorite.
[01:34:37]  And that's profitable.
[01:34:38]  You made tens of millions of dollars.
[01:34:40]  Do you?
[01:34:40]  Do you know how rich you are?
[01:34:41]  Do you?
[01:34:42]  You're so rich.
[01:34:43]  Thank you.
[01:34:44]  Do you feel like a relief now that you're married?
[01:34:52]  I feel like I want you to finish your story.
[01:34:54]  That's what I feel like.
[01:34:55]  Oh, I don't know why.
[01:34:56]  I just thought you might want to talk about yourself.
[01:34:58]  No, I want to talk about you.
[01:34:59]  I like talking about you.
[01:35:00]  I'm hoping with Joan.
[01:35:02]  I love doing the wrestler.
[01:35:04]  That's hilarious, right?
[01:35:06]  That's great.
[01:35:08]  That's great.
[01:35:08]  Joan Rivers is so old.
[01:35:09]  Her pussy has a separate entrance for Black Cox.
[01:35:12]  That's hilarious.
[01:35:15]  You go.
[01:35:18]  I got the job writing for the roasts on the Flavor Flave Roast.
[01:35:22]  Wasn't allowed to be on it yet, but I wrote a joke that some more ended up doing, which was for Flavor Flave.
[01:35:26]  And the joke was, Flave, you look like what Magic Johnson should look like right now.
[01:35:36]  Wow.
[01:35:37]  Yo.
[01:35:38]  I love a one-sentence roast joke.
[01:35:40]  If you can do a one-sentence, because people start to get your rhythm.
[01:35:45]  Boom.
[01:35:45]  And it's like, what was your first one?
[01:35:48]  First roast I was on was Joan Rivers.
[01:35:50]  It was Joan Rivers.
[01:35:50]  Yes.
[01:35:51]  And that really, I think I remember stuff from that.
[01:35:53]  By the way, I also did the way I was able to get on it is I had to make a tape when I did a Friars Club roast of Steve Tisch, who is one of the owners.
[01:36:05]  From NYU?
[01:36:06]  Yes.
[01:36:07]  It was like a private roast.
[01:36:08]  The Giants.
[01:36:09]  And I, yes, and I did the Quentin Tarantino one.
[01:36:13]  Remember when the Friars Club was...
[01:36:14]  That was Tarantino.
[01:36:15]  Was that fun?
[01:36:16]  He was great.
[01:36:16]  And he had a good sense of it.
[01:36:17]  Well, that was a likes feet.
[01:36:19]  But you know what?
[01:36:20]  I was fucking on some shit, man.
[01:36:21]  It was Weinstein, Brett Ratner, like the whole group of people was nuts.
[01:36:26]  None of them tried to fuck you.
[01:36:28]  I did.
[01:36:28]  I know.
[01:36:28]  Isn't that embarrassing?
[01:36:29]  A little bit.
[01:36:30]  I know, but that's how you know you're funny.
[01:36:32]  I don't even make, I have this personality.
[01:36:36]  I've never had a fucking problem.
[01:36:38]  Wait a minute.
[01:36:39]  Really?
[01:36:39]  Yeah.
[01:36:40]  And what I do for Harvey Weinstein.
[01:36:42]  Harvey Weinstein has fucked so many whores.
[01:36:46]  He doesn't have the clap.
[01:36:47]  He has the applause.
[01:36:49]  That's funny.
[01:36:50]  And then it was like, don't laugh, Brett.
[01:36:51]  You have a standing ovation.
[01:36:54]  Now, did Weinstein ever holler at any of your friends?
[01:36:58]  Weinstein came to the comedy store one night to see me.
[01:37:01]  And it was when Tommy was working there.
[01:37:04]  And this was after the roast, he met me.
[01:37:07]  Tommy, maybe explain to the people.
[01:37:08]  Tommy, I'm sorry.
[01:37:09]  Tommy was someone that ran the comedy store at the time.
[01:37:11]  He is no longer there.
[01:37:13]  Him leaving coincided with the rise in popularity.
[01:37:16]  Save to the comedy story.
[01:37:17]  Rogan came back.
[01:37:18]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:37:20]  Black people came back.
[01:37:21]  It was the whole thing.
[01:37:22]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:37:23]  So Weinstein came in one night, and this was after the, so he had met me at the roast and then was like, I'm going to go see her at a comedy club, whatever.
[01:37:31]  And I'm like, you're coming to a comedy club.
[01:37:33]  You're the least rappy person in here.
[01:37:35]  But he I was just in the fucking green room at the comedy store.
[01:37:40]  Like, sorry, no, I'm too old for that.
[01:37:49]  I'd already seen three dicks today.
[01:37:52]  What's another dick?
[01:37:54]  And so he came in and then I left because, you know, in LA, we do three, four spots, pop around.
[01:38:00]  And so I left to go to the improv or something.
[01:38:01]  And then Tommy called me and was like, hey, Harvey Weinstein's here.
[01:38:04]  Like, you got to go like, come.
[01:38:05]  And I remember being like, I have a spot.
[01:38:07]  Like, what am I going to do?
[01:38:08]  And then I didn't go back, which this is how fucking dumb I was.
[01:38:12]  I was like, I don't want him to see me in that lighting.
[01:38:15]  Like, whatever good just happened.

=== Weinstein at the Comedy Club (09:17) ===

[01:38:17]  If he's going to hire me, that's the best I can do.
[01:38:20]  Like, I'm not going to let him see me look like Steve Buscemi in the fucking shadows at the comedy store.
[01:38:24]  So I just never went back.
[01:38:25]  You were worried about the way you looked in the lighting?
[01:38:29]  The comedy store lighting, everyone looks like Steve Buscemi.
[01:38:34]  Do you have dysmorphia about the way you look?
[01:38:37]  Maybe.
[01:38:38]  You think?
[01:38:38]  Maybe a little?
[01:38:39]  I mean, being friends with you doesn't help.
[01:38:41]  I always say how beautiful you are.
[01:38:44]  Roll the tape.
[01:38:45]  I do.
[01:38:48]  No, it was, no, it's more like it just was like, there's, I can only lose by seeing him again.
[01:38:52]  You know, it's like, you've seen my work.
[01:38:54]  That's smart.
[01:38:54]  You've seen what I can do.
[01:38:55]  Like, I'm not going to go ruin it with my fucking personality and eye bags.
[01:38:59]  You know, it's just in my brain.
[01:39:00]  Are you, are you the most beautiful comic ever?
[01:39:08]  It's a valid question if you look at other comics.
[01:39:11]  I mean, I just thought of it.
[01:39:13]  Like, who is?
[01:39:14]  Like, come on.
[01:39:15]  Do you just stand up?
[01:39:18]  Yeah.
[01:39:20]  Yes, he does.
[01:39:21]  An insultantic compliment.
[01:39:22]  That's great.
[01:39:22]  I'll take that.
[01:39:25]  We're not talking about men.
[01:39:26]  Okay.
[01:39:26]  Yeah.
[01:39:27]  You're not going to be able to compete with me.
[01:39:28]  No, can I tell you, Sarah Silverman?
[01:39:31]  Yeah, Sarah, she looks very pretty in real life.
[01:39:34]  Dude, she is breathtaking.
[01:39:36]  She is breathtaking.
[01:39:38]  I mean, I feel like we said a nice thing.
[01:39:43]  And then you made it.
[01:39:43]  We have to mean me now.
[01:39:45]  We said a nice thing.
[01:39:46]  Very pretty in real life.
[01:39:47]  Very pretty.
[01:39:48]  I stand by what I said.
[01:39:49]  I'm pretty sure you do.
[01:39:50]  I'm asking.
[01:39:51]  Clip.
[01:39:52]  Garrett.
[01:39:52]  Run it.
[01:39:53]  I think you got Sarah Silverman.
[01:39:54]  I'm just saying objectively.
[01:39:56]  Maybe in both of your heydays.
[01:40:00]  I think it literally.
[01:40:01]  No, I'm not.
[01:40:02]  Do you think you're the most handsome comedian ever?
[01:40:04]  No, I don't think I'm the most handsome.
[01:40:05]  You looked at it.
[01:40:08]  Do you think I'm the most handsome?
[01:40:09]  Of course.
[01:40:09]  Who do you think the most handsome comedian?
[01:40:11]  The most handsome comedian ever?
[01:40:13]  John Mulaney.
[01:40:15]  He's pretty handsome.
[01:40:16]  He's handsome.
[01:40:17]  I don't think he's the most handsome.
[01:40:17]  There's different kinds of handsome.
[01:40:19]  Different kinds of handsome.
[01:40:21]  No, no, no.
[01:40:21]  Who's the most handsome comedian?
[01:40:23]  Like, we know, most handsome football player, who?
[01:40:26]  Tom Brady.
[01:40:27]  Tom Brady, probably.
[01:40:27]  Tom Brady's up.
[01:40:28]  I mean, Odell Beckham Jr. is pretty handsome.
[01:40:30]  He's a handsome son of a bitch.
[01:40:31]  If I knew more about football, I'd probably be better.
[01:40:34]  Who's the most handsome comedian?
[01:40:36]  Most handsome comedian.
[01:40:37]  Most handsome.
[01:40:37]  Oh, Lenny Bruce?
[01:40:38]  Was he handsome?
[01:40:39]  Was he funny?
[01:40:40]  He's asking you because you knew him.
[01:40:41]  Was Lenny Bruce funny?
[01:40:44]  You used to open for Lenny Bruce.
[01:40:47]  So I feel like I would know.
[01:40:49]  I used to watch him eat shit.
[01:40:51]  Wait, was he not funny at all?
[01:40:52]  No, I guess to me, I'm like, I know, I love Lenny Bruce, George.
[01:40:57]  Carlin, one of my favorites, but I am so curious what was like laugh out loud funny at the time.
[01:41:02]  Yeah.
[01:41:03]  And what.
[01:41:03]  Well, I think you also got to like judge things in the context of their time.
[01:41:06]  Yeah.
[01:41:06]  We always ask people to do that with like fucked up jokes, but you also got to do it with like humor.
[01:41:10]  Like maybe the things that they were saying were just so rare for the time that people were finding it absolutely hilarious.
[01:41:15]  And now so many people have copied them.
[01:41:17]  Like I was listening to like old Bruce shit and I've seen people do versions of the jokes today.
[01:41:24]  And it was just a really cool, it was just, it was a joke about like, I think he even had this black jazz musician on the road with him.
[01:41:31]  And he would talk about like when white people like meet a black person, they're trying to prove that they're not racist.
[01:41:38]  And it's like, for that time, that was like the first time white people were doing that shit.
[01:41:43]  Yeah, that's why I was, I, I, that's a funny observation.
[01:41:46]  Like you still see that joke now.
[01:41:47]  You see it in sitcoms now.
[01:41:48]  You see it in these TV shows.
[01:41:49]  You see it in everything.
[01:41:50]  For him to make that then, imagine what people in the audience were doing when they realized that they were actually saying those ridiculous, stereotypical things.
[01:41:59]  Wow.
[01:41:59]  Like, oh my God, I love watermelon too.
[01:42:01]  Like that was like one of the fucking, that was one of the lines.
[01:42:04]  Imagine that at the time, though.
[01:42:06]  That's wild.
[01:42:07]  I'm like, that's hilarious.
[01:42:08]  Now you watch it, you're like, okay, that's kind of funny because you've seen a thousand fucking times.
[01:42:12]  If you watch the Carlin doc, you see what comedy was in the 50s and what he was doing early on.
[01:42:17]  And then when he became, you're like, yo, I've never seen anything.
[01:42:19]  There was nothing like that.
[01:42:20]  I'm not trying to revolutionary shit.
[01:42:22]  Bring gender into this because I don't see gender.
[01:42:24]  But these.
[01:42:25]  That's pretty gay.
[01:42:26]  When you look back.
[01:42:28]  Pretty.
[01:42:28]  Such a girl thing to say.
[01:42:30]  When you look back at Joan Rivers, like her sets, like her late night sets, dude, those jokes are fucking awesome.
[01:42:37]  She was supposed to be so good.
[01:42:38]  She was supposed to take over for Carson, right?
[01:42:40]  Yes.
[01:42:40]  Then they had some kind of falling out because she like went and did some other show.
[01:42:43]  She got her own show on Fox and then her husband killed himself.
[01:42:46]  Whoa.
[01:42:47]  Was the show that bad?
[01:42:49]  I could.
[01:42:50]  Wait a minute.
[01:42:51]  Really?
[01:42:53]  Yes.
[01:42:53]  But Carson was so upset that he wasn't, he was like, you're supposed to take my shit.
[01:42:57]  Don't go do this other thing.
[01:42:58]  Yeah, it's kind of fucked up.
[01:42:59]  And then that was it.
[01:43:00]  She was ousted from that.
[01:43:01]  Yeah, she wasn't.
[01:43:02]  Set her on a real, probably shitty path.
[01:43:03]  Yeah.
[01:43:04]  But she's like, I look back at her shit and it is joke, joke, joke.
[01:43:07]  Whereas like the guys are kind of telling these long stories, which is like, I mean, to me, I think it's interesting this time we're in like podcasts, not this one.
[01:43:13]  Like I love this podcast.
[01:43:14]  It's just fucking jokes.
[01:43:15]  Like a lot of podcasts that male comedians do, it's like just them talking about like their depression and like their anxiety attacks.
[01:43:21]  I'm like, who it's amazing to me that male comics need to prove that they're like vulnerable and sad.
[01:43:26]  Whereas like, I can't do that.
[01:43:28]  I still need to prove that I'm funny.
[01:43:30]  Like, I still specifically talks about that a lot.
[01:43:34]  I mean, look, don't, why are you, why are you doing this?
[01:43:37]  I don't know.
[01:43:38]  Which, you know, which person?
[01:43:39]  Can you think of a specific person that talks about it?
[01:43:42]  Do you know?
[01:43:42]  Because I don't even know.
[01:43:43]  I don't know either.
[01:43:44]  I have no clue.
[01:43:45]  I feel like, guys, like, there's a lot of, like, when I need to talk about my panic attacks.
[01:43:49]  I'm like, I hate that shit.
[01:43:52]  I hate Woody Allen for that reason.
[01:43:53]  I've never liked Woody Allen.
[01:43:54]  I don't like watching.
[01:44:01]  The anxiety is the answer.
[01:44:02]  Not the anxiety name, Suny.
[01:44:05]  It's only 12 years old.
[01:44:06]  It's not rape.
[01:44:07]  It's not rape if she was too young to speak yet.
[01:44:12]  Goo, Googa does not mean no.
[01:44:15]  It's not her name.
[01:44:15]  It's Sue Yee.
[01:44:20]  Jesus Christ, Whitney.
[01:44:23]  Goo Goo Gaga.
[01:44:25]  Too soon.
[01:44:31]  I don't like men bragging about being weak.
[01:44:36]  It makes me sick.
[01:44:37]  That's sexist.
[01:44:38]  Yeah.
[01:44:38]  Why can't we be weak too?
[01:44:39]  It's fine.
[01:44:42]  Okay.
[01:44:44]  Cool.
[01:44:45]  You got me.
[01:44:47]  Now what am I going to do?
[01:44:49]  Oh, God.
[01:44:50]  Look, please watch all my specials.
[01:44:52]  Whitty.
[01:44:53]  All about how men and women are different.
[01:44:54]  Not streaming.
[01:44:55]  Go.
[01:44:57]  Sexism bought me a fucking mansion.
[01:45:00]  Yes.
[01:45:01]  Big.
[01:45:02]  Why would I stop now?
[01:45:04]  You go watch Whitney's jokes tonight.
[01:45:07]  Tomorrow, the next night through the weekend.
[01:45:10]  If you have plans this weekend, go watch them shits.
[01:45:13]  I won't be buying my special back anytime soon.
[01:45:17]  I don't think.
[01:45:18]  You should.
[01:45:18]  What if people are stuck between which special to watch?
[01:45:20]  What should they do then?
[01:45:21]  If it's like a toss-up.
[01:45:22]  Why?
[01:45:23]  You should watch it.
[01:45:24]  What kind of person is this?
[01:45:25]  I'm just saying, if they're busy, like I have one night during the week where I'm not working, what am I going to watch?
[01:45:29]  You know, which one should they watch?
[01:45:30]  I think they should watch Whitney's.
[01:45:32]  Well, that's not, that's nice of you.
[01:45:33]  I think they should watch Whitney's.
[01:45:34]  Here's what I'll say.
[01:45:35]  If you are a guy, can I tell you something?
[01:45:38]  The number of guys that come up to me.
[01:45:40]  This is why.
[01:45:41]  Go.
[01:45:43]  That are like, dude, I told this girl that I like watchers.
[01:45:47]  Like, you will fuck your dick off.
[01:45:50]  Clean off your body.
[01:45:51]  That's how you sell a special.
[01:45:52]  Yo, it's like a Bluetooth.
[01:45:57]  Wait a minute.
[01:45:57]  Say this again.
[01:45:59]  Guys are always like, dude, like, ever since I started telling girls I like know you or watch your specials, I'm like.
[01:46:05]  Is there anybody specifically that used that ticket laid?
[01:46:11]  Oh, this is so good.
[01:46:15]  That actually hurt.
[01:46:17]  I hope you got footage of that because I will sue him for every Bitcoin he made off his special.
[01:46:25]  How much did you get paid in crypto?
[01:46:26]  I'm just curious.
[01:46:28]  No crypto.
[01:46:29]  How much dogecoin?
[01:46:30]  No, no crypto.
[01:46:31]  Nothing.
[01:46:32]  Are you doing Schultz tokens?
[01:46:33]  No.
[01:46:35]  Thank God we didn't do the fucking crypto thing.
[01:46:37]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:46:40]  Remember when Tim Dylan had his break with reality and he was on Rogan being like, dude, you got to get Rogan coins.
[01:46:45]  And Rogan's like, dude.
[01:46:49]  Rogan, you see it for a second being like, oh, wait a second.
[01:46:51]  This is some shit I need to know about.
[01:46:54]  Don't stick to fanny packs and mushroom pills.
[01:46:57]  No, but seriously, Winnie Cummings, jokes, we're all watching this week.
[01:47:01]  I love you.
[01:47:01]  I think you're absolutely brilliant.
[01:47:02]  I love you.
[01:47:03]  And I listened to some of you on Joe.
[01:47:04]  It was really fun.
[01:47:04]  Well, thank you.
[01:47:05]  It was so good.
[01:47:05]  You guys are fun.
[01:47:06]  I had a great time with you.
[01:47:07]  Also, you should check out our episode if you have some time.
[01:47:10]  Wendy's got a great podcast, but I think you're an absolutely brilliant comedian.
[01:47:13]  You're like, literally, I think I'm funniest when I'm hanging out with you.
[01:47:16]  And that means a lot to me, obviously.
[01:47:18]  So I think you're awesome.
[01:47:19]  And I know that your head is like pushed back.
[01:47:20]  You're squinting because I'm complimenting you.
[01:47:22]  No, I'm trying to look at you.
[01:47:23]  But you're awesome.
[01:47:25]  Thank you.
[01:47:26]  You're welcome.
[01:47:26]  And I want everybody to go check it out right now.
[01:47:28]  Go check out Whitney Cummings.
[01:47:30]  Can you get your dog some water?
[01:47:31]  I think she's.
[01:47:31]  I will.
[01:47:32]  That's what she's been thinking about.
[01:47:34]  Bye, everybody.