Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - ROASTING Uvalde, Texas School Shooting Cops
Aired: 2022-05-31
Duration: 01:29:30


=== Fifty Minutes of Silence (10:11) ===

[00:00:00]  Uvalde Police Department, you cowering cum rags.
[00:00:04]  You had to know this was coming.
[00:00:06]  You're more useless than a rape whistle in Bangladesh.
[00:00:10]  He said, not India.
[00:00:13]  For those of you who don't know what happened, there was a school shooting in Uvalde, Texas last week, and the police just waited outside the classroom like Kanye trying to steal his own kids.
[00:00:24]  How long did they wait?
[00:00:25]  50 minutes.
[00:00:27]  Governor Abbott moves faster on the beach.
[00:00:30]  You're less responsive than Lamar Odom in a whorehouse.
[00:00:33]  Was the city named after your policing?
[00:00:36]  Uvalde.
[00:00:37]  They called in the SWAT team and they did nothing too.
[00:00:41]  Does SWAT stand for sit, wait, and tuck your cock between your thighs, you steer-sucking fairies?
[00:00:47]  Now, I know what you're thinking.
[00:00:49]  Why'd they stand around for 50 minutes?
[00:00:52]  Probably because they forgot their lawn chairs.
[00:00:54]  These lazy, limp dick cowards couldn't rescue a cat from a bonsai tree.
[00:00:59]  Save the kids.
[00:01:00]  They couldn't save 10% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico.
[00:01:05]  And as far as the shooter goes, fuck the shooter.
[00:01:08]  He doesn't get our attention, okay?
[00:01:10]  We're going to act like Uvalde PD and pretend he doesn't exist.
[00:01:14]  The only place his name belongs is on a tombstone.
[00:01:17]  And after 50 minutes of being more useless than Forrest Whitaker's monocle, they didn't even take out the shooter.
[00:01:24]  We don't know exactly what happened because Uvalde PD's story is shakier than Ozzy Osborne trying to fill out a scantron.
[00:01:32]  But it wasn't until an off-duty Border Patrol agent forced his way into the school against the cops' will that the shooter was killed.
[00:01:39]  So we owe Border Patrol an apology, okay?
[00:01:42]  Their unbelievable bravery and their expertise at handling caged up kids made all the difference.
[00:01:49]  In conclusion, Uvalde Police Department, you all deserve to be fired.
[00:01:54]  I mean, this is ridiculous.
[00:01:55]  You can't just sit around and do nothing about a school shooting.
[00:01:58]  Who the fuck do you think you are?
[00:02:00]  Politicians?
[00:02:01]  Ah?
[00:02:02]  A point.
[00:02:03]  I made a good point.
[00:02:05]  Guys, that was a point.
[00:02:07]  Okay, guys, what's up and welcome to Flagrant.
[00:02:10]  Yeah.
[00:02:10]  What are we thinking about this?
[00:02:13]  Is there an interesting point you have about the Uvalde shooting?
[00:02:16]  Enlighten us.
[00:02:17]  Yeah.
[00:02:18]  They took long to respond.
[00:02:20]  Yeah.
[00:02:21]  Just like that.
[00:02:23]  Goddamn, but just try to go through.
[00:02:27]  Don't put me on the spot like this, motherfucker.
[00:02:29]  We told you it's your shave.
[00:02:30]  That was like an hour ago.
[00:02:33]  So we're going to fire the Uvalde Police Department.
[00:02:36]  Is there any other place that they could work given their skill set?
[00:02:40]  We should hire them in Black Neighborhood.
[00:02:49]  I'm going to fail.
[00:02:50]  You just put me up right there.
[00:02:52]  Like, there's no way that's going to come off funny.
[00:02:54]  Literally earlier, I'm like, it could be funny if you just follow up the rant with this point.
[00:02:58]  And Al just looked at all of him and goes, if it's planned, I'm going to fuck that shit.
[00:03:03]  It was a layup.
[00:03:04]  You had to lay up the shit.
[00:03:05]  Off the cuff out.
[00:03:06]  Baby, you're like, I can't do that.
[00:03:08]  Off the cuff out.
[00:03:09]  Who's ever called you that?
[00:03:10]  Who the fuck are you?
[00:03:13]  Is that what they know you as?
[00:03:14]  You're the Chappelle of the couch.
[00:03:17]  Hey, just give me a topic and watch me go.
[00:03:19]  I'll be up here for six hours killing.
[00:03:21]  There you go, dancing.
[00:03:26]  That made me uncomfortable.
[00:03:27]  That made me uncomfortable, bro.
[00:03:29]  Keep digging your grave.
[00:03:30]  This is too much, man.
[00:03:31]  It's too much right now.
[00:03:33]  Okay, obviously a horrific thing.
[00:03:35]  When the story first came out, I didn't know how badly the police fucked it up.
[00:03:40]  Me neither.
[00:03:40]  No one did.
[00:03:42]  I said something like, oh, I heard they couldn't go in because of body armor.
[00:03:45]  And then as I was saying, I was like, that sounds weird.
[00:03:47]  Because you know who else has body armor?
[00:03:48]  The fucking cops.
[00:03:50]  Who doesn't have body armor?
[00:03:52]  Kildren at school.
[00:03:54]  The whole thing is, it's insane how much they fucked up.
[00:03:56]  Every one of my friends that's a cop was like, yo, these guys fucking stink.
[00:03:59]  Yeah.
[00:04:00]  This is the worst.
[00:04:00]  Like after Columbine, they literally said the protocol change.
[00:04:03]  It used to, before Columbine, it was like, yo, just surround the perimeter and then I guess control what's happening outside.
[00:04:09]  Because it was like hostage situations before.
[00:04:11]  No one ever really was going in there shooting all the kids.
[00:04:13]  They would go in there, like grab one, or it'd be like a bully thing.
[00:04:15]  So they had a protocol to be like, don't escalate.
[00:04:17]  Yep.
[00:04:17]  Yep, 100%.
[00:04:18]  And now they're like, yo, the second it goes off, get in there because they basically said these kids are cowards.
[00:04:22]  And if they start getting fired back, they stop or they kill themselves.
[00:04:25]  Right.
[00:04:25]  You know, they're in there shooting people who are defenseless.
[00:04:27]  Yeah.
[00:04:28]  Right.
[00:04:28]  But the second there's some defense, they're like, nah, fuck this shit.
[00:04:30]  You can't do it.
[00:04:31]  But yeah, so they completely fucked up.
[00:04:33]  I mean, 50 minutes.
[00:04:34]  Apparently, there were six of them that were there before the other 19.
[00:04:38]  These parents were yelling at them, like, go in there, save our kids.
[00:04:40]  Bro, there were parents that went in and got their own kids and got like kids in class.
[00:04:44]  They put a parent in handcuffs.
[00:04:46]  Yeah.
[00:04:46]  Insane.
[00:04:46]  Oh, a bunch of parents.
[00:04:47]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:04:48]  Who are trying to go in?
[00:04:50]  I've never seen a cop fuck up this badly.
[00:04:52]  And that's saying something.
[00:04:53]  Like, you're one thing.
[00:04:55]  We will elevate you and give you all the praise we can.
[00:04:59]  Off to cuff out.
[00:05:00]  You got to pull your back off.
[00:05:01]  I was going to see some fucked up situations.
[00:05:03]  Yeah, fucked up, right?
[00:05:04]  21 kids.
[00:05:05]  Elementary school kids.
[00:05:06]  Some of them probably black.
[00:05:08]  You know what I mean?
[00:05:08]  Just playing odds.
[00:05:09]  That's a good point.
[00:05:10]  Decent point.
[00:05:11]  50 minutes, bro.
[00:05:12]  I didn't say they were perfect.
[00:05:13]  50 minutes.
[00:05:14]  Even if they're not perfect, this is the worst.
[00:05:16]  It's inexcusable.
[00:05:17]  I did see something online that said, we got to change out police for teachers.
[00:05:21]  Okay, go.
[00:05:21]  Because if you swap it, all the problems get solved.
[00:05:24]  So people are like, okay, we need to arm the teachers, but teachers don't know how to use a gun.
[00:05:27]  So swap every cop, they become a teacher.
[00:05:29]  Then all of a sudden they're trained in guns.
[00:05:31]  They're tough.
[00:05:31]  They teach kids not to be pussies.
[00:05:33]  And then all the teachers become cops.
[00:05:35]  They're patient.
[00:05:35]  They want to help people.
[00:05:36]  They're knowledgeable.
[00:05:37]  They want to, you know, form the youth.
[00:05:39]  Why would cops be good teachers?
[00:05:40]  That's the stupid thing.
[00:05:41]  Because they're tough.
[00:05:42]  You know what I mean?
[00:05:42]  If you crisis situations, they'd be useful.
[00:05:44]  Yeah, also that.
[00:05:45]  Outside of Uvolt Agenda.
[00:05:46]  What about the teaching part?
[00:05:48]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:05:49]  They got to know how to teach.
[00:05:50]  Teachers don't teach?
[00:05:51]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:05:51]  Teachers don't teach?
[00:05:53]  Teachers don't teach, bro.
[00:05:53]  We'd be fire racist.
[00:05:55]  Like, if you think our level of racism is good, that we learn from teachers, imagine cops were in there, like immediately, you know what I'm saying?
[00:06:03]  Like judging, like, oh, okay, he wore that.
[00:06:05]  Yeah.
[00:06:06]  Well, a lot of cops are black too.
[00:06:07]  So like they would just teach you, you know, they wouldn't be racist necessarily.
[00:06:11]  Yeah, also that.
[00:06:12]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:06:13]  Are a lot but I mean in New York, I don't know if even know if we have white cops.
[00:06:16]  I don't never seen a white cop in New York.
[00:06:17]  Yeah, it's black cops, it's Asians, mad Asian cops.
[00:06:21]  Nobody is more Asian cop.
[00:06:22]  I mean, I don't think Shanghai has as many Asian cops as we have.
[00:06:25]  You're living in this area.
[00:06:26]  Police force in New York, more diverse than police.
[00:06:27]  Also, Indians, the tickets, bro, run it.
[00:06:31]  Just tickets.
[00:06:31]  Run it.
[00:06:32]  Why are Indians the tickets?
[00:06:33]  Every subway ticket I got was from an Indian.
[00:06:35]  One.
[00:06:35]  Haters, bro.
[00:06:36]  Yeah.
[00:06:37]  Haters.
[00:06:38]  And they love the rules, too.
[00:06:39]  I told him, I was like, bro, I'm parking here for 10 minutes.
[00:06:41]  Is there any way you could just not give me a TV?
[00:06:42]  And he was like, yeah, I got you for sure.
[00:06:44]  It goes down the block.
[00:06:45]  And then I come back.
[00:06:45]  He circled back around Gumby.
[00:06:47]  Was it exactly 10 minutes?
[00:06:47]  You probably took 11.
[00:06:48]  You grew the fuck.
[00:06:49]  Yeah, it's 12 minutes.
[00:06:50]  No, but why do Indians do that?
[00:06:51]  I don't know, dude.
[00:06:52]  Every time I look at an Indian cop, I'm like, what happened to get you here?
[00:06:55]  Yeah.
[00:06:55]  I'm always curious what route your life took that you landed here.
[00:06:58]  And a specific cop is, what are they called out?
[00:07:01]  Not even a shit.
[00:07:02]  Like, we're taught our whole lives.
[00:07:04]  You have two options.
[00:07:05]  Doctor, engineer.
[00:07:06]  You look at me.
[00:07:06]  You should ask, how did you get here?
[00:07:08]  Failure or not?
[00:07:10]  Something happened where it's like, oh, you didn't become a doctor.
[00:07:12]  You didn't become an engineer.
[00:07:13]  I can't think of Indian parents who were like, yo, go risk your life in a physical activity.
[00:07:17]  Yeah, but the ticket ones aren't risking their lives.
[00:07:19]  Yeah, they don't even get guns, bro.
[00:07:21]  You know what?
[00:07:22]  That's actually a great job.
[00:07:23]  They got pensions.
[00:07:26]  I saw one wearing sandals, bro.
[00:07:28]  That's the craziest thing I ever seen, bro.
[00:07:30]  Like, usually you have boots that are issued by the NYPD.
[00:07:33]  I might not have been a cop.
[00:07:33]  He busted out his own sandals.
[00:07:35]  I saw him putting coupons for the restaurant.
[00:07:36]  It might be.
[00:07:38]  That's not a cop.
[00:07:39]  They wouldn't do that just to get away with it.
[00:07:40]  Yeah, exactly.
[00:07:42]  You got to read this.
[00:07:45]  Any other thoughts about this whole thing?
[00:07:46]  Yeah, you know what's funny is watching conservatives suddenly care so much about mental health.
[00:07:50]  All of a sudden, mental health is the issue.
[00:07:52]  Oh, we got to fix mental health.
[00:07:53]  Don't take the guns.
[00:07:54]  Yeah.
[00:07:55]  No, just mental health.
[00:07:56]  I wonder if liberals can use the same thing for abortion.
[00:07:59]  Okay, go.
[00:07:59]  Don't close down the abortion clinics.
[00:08:01]  That's not the issue.
[00:08:01]  Abortions don't kill people.
[00:08:03]  People with mental health issues get abortions.
[00:08:05]  Let's just solve mental health, and then everything goes away.
[00:08:08]  Yo, left-wing thing.
[00:08:10]  Let's go.
[00:08:10]  Let's go.
[00:08:11]  Left-wing thing.
[00:08:13]  I saw a crazy thing, and I wasn't sure if it was true because obviously it was like a screenshot of a tweet, but it basically said that the NRA conference that I guess is happening this week said that guns aren't allowed.
[00:08:25]  Guns are prohibited.
[00:08:26]  Now, there is a caveat.
[00:08:28]  The reason is because Trump's going to be there.
[00:08:29]  Okay.
[00:08:30]  And per secret service rules, there can't be any guns around like a president or ex-president.
[00:08:34]  Go.
[00:08:35]  Can I ask you a question?
[00:08:36]  What document says we have the right to bear arms?
[00:08:38]  The Constitution.
[00:08:38]  So it's Secret Service.
[00:08:39]  I think it to Trump, the Constitution?
[00:08:42]  Oh, left-wing single.
[00:08:44]  Man, left-wing, yo.
[00:08:47]  Let's go.
[00:08:48]  Man, left-wing, dude.
[00:08:49]  Oh, shit.
[00:08:51]  Facts, though, right?
[00:08:52]  Even if you're Trump and you really support people being able to, you know, bring their guns wherever the fuck they want.
[00:08:56]  Yeah.
[00:08:57]  them, you would just say, yo, bring them out.
[00:08:58]  We're good.
[00:08:58]  Yeah, absolutely.
[00:09:00]  You know what will keep me safe is if everybody has a gun.
[00:09:02]  It is funny, though, that even the Secret Service is like, all right, if we don't want people to get killed, just don't bring them.
[00:09:06]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:09:07]  Right?
[00:09:07]  Like, the Secret Service is like, the best way for Trump not to die is if nobody in here has a gun.
[00:09:12]  Nobody's like, oh, it's the safest thing.
[00:09:14]  Everybody has a gun.
[00:09:15]  That way, if a shooter gets in there, we can all take care of him, police ourselves.
[00:09:18]  That being said, guns are lit.
[00:09:20]  Super Trump a gun.
[00:09:22]  Super fire.
[00:09:23]  Just throw a full body armor.
[00:09:25]  This double rifle.
[00:09:27]  Give him a 38.
[00:09:28]  Give him a gun.
[00:09:29]  They're doing something cute.
[00:09:30]  Give him the AR.
[00:09:32]  Yeah.
[00:09:32]  I mean, he would look way more fire strapped up with the full AR.
[00:09:35]  I don't think he would.
[00:09:36]  Yeah, with the helmet.
[00:09:37]  He didn't carry it.
[00:09:38]  Yeah.
[00:09:38]  He don't have the body for it.
[00:09:40]  Nah, nah, I think you got it.
[00:09:41]  Full body armor.
[00:09:41]  Give him the fucking exoskeleton.
[00:09:43]  I mean, Mike, Mark, can you take your hair off your mic?
[00:09:45]  Because it's fucking driving me crazy.
[00:09:47]  Just pull your hair back.
[00:09:49]  I know you're trying to show off the locks, but our audio is fucking destroyed right now so you can have hair on your shoulders.
[00:09:55]  Just put it all back.
[00:09:57]  Tom Cruise Camera.
[00:09:58]  He's going for a look, bro.
[00:10:00]  What look exactly?
[00:10:01]  What look exactly?
[00:10:03]  I just wonder what Lucky's going for.
[00:10:05]  What look is he going for?
[00:10:06]  My husband's saying I look like one prominent internet celebrity.
[00:10:09]  Okay.
[00:10:09]  And he can't pronounce his name for the life of him.

=== Full Body Armor Fit (10:46) ===

[00:10:11]  Perez Cresley, right?
[00:10:16]  Off the cuff out, yo.
[00:10:17]  Go.
[00:10:18]  Off the cuff out.
[00:10:19]  No, put that back in the holster, baby.
[00:10:21]  Yo, I saw CT.
[00:10:24]  Low-key, how many concussions you have, bro?
[00:10:26]  Too, I told you.
[00:10:27]  Damn, man.
[00:10:28]  That's enough.
[00:10:29]  He's got more than me.
[00:10:30]  Stop it.
[00:10:30]  I have, but I got CT.
[00:10:32]  Yeah, no, okay.
[00:10:32]  100%.
[00:10:33]  I'm in Pete.
[00:10:34]  Hey, bros, let's go.
[00:10:38]  What is the outfit, bro?
[00:10:40]  I was too emotionally down.
[00:10:41]  I was too emotionally down to even address the outfit.
[00:10:44]  But now that I'm up a little bit more, what is it?
[00:10:47]  I'm not even dissing.
[00:10:49]  I'm not even dissing.
[00:10:51]  Stop.
[00:10:52]  Don't come at me, bro.
[00:10:54]  Stop.
[00:10:56]  This motherfucker wants to come at me, motherfucker.
[00:10:59]  Hillary?
[00:11:00]  Hillary Clinton's blazing.
[00:11:03]  Who told you that?
[00:11:04]  There's no way.
[00:11:06]  There's no cuff out there.
[00:11:09]  Off the cuff out.
[00:11:10]  There's no, I mean, that was phenomenal, Al.
[00:11:11]  If he came up in the middle of the day, that was fucking brilliant.
[00:11:14]  Holy shit.
[00:11:14]  Fighting for Clinton's blazer.
[00:11:17]  But now.
[00:11:17]  I was holding it from last year to cheer you up a little bit, but I was waiting for the bad.
[00:11:21]  Thank you so much for waiting.
[00:11:22]  Now, can you just describe?
[00:11:23]  All I want to know is what you're thinking.
[00:11:24]  I'm not even being critical.
[00:11:25]  I just want to know what you're thinking.
[00:11:26]  So in our community.
[00:11:27]  Oh, stop it.
[00:11:28]  Stop it.
[00:11:28]  Stop it.
[00:11:29]  In our community.
[00:11:30]  You have 14 different communities on.
[00:11:32]  There we go.
[00:11:32]  I'm going to tell you.
[00:11:33]  In our community, the matching TT bottom short situation is a common summer swap.
[00:11:41]  Yeah, we do that.
[00:11:41]  Just out of curiosity.
[00:11:42]  Do you think that those match?
[00:11:45]  What are you talking about?
[00:11:45]  It's the piece.
[00:11:47]  Oh, really?
[00:11:47]  Yes.
[00:11:48]  This is a pair.
[00:11:49]  It can't be a little bit of a picture.
[00:11:49]  Oh, the bottom of the bit.
[00:11:51]  Oh, my God.
[00:11:51]  I just thought you had a flower, sir.
[00:11:53]  And the bottom parts.
[00:11:55]  No, yeah, yeah.
[00:11:56]  Okay, I feel attacked.
[00:11:58]  That's fine, though.
[00:11:59]  You survived.
[00:12:00]  I know.
[00:12:01]  No, I just wanted to know what's going on.
[00:12:02]  Clearly, I didn't have enough information, and now I get it.
[00:12:05]  The sitting outfit.
[00:12:07]  Well, no, because now you completely mess it.
[00:12:10]  And then the shorts on the pod are crazy.
[00:12:11]  Like, I'm the only one that can show legs.
[00:12:13]  I'm trying to get out of here.
[00:12:14]  I'm trying to stay cool.
[00:12:15]  It's hot in here.
[00:12:16]  I'm hot now.
[00:12:17]  Yeah.
[00:12:17]  I run hotter than you guys.
[00:12:18]  Yo, why are you sweating so much?
[00:12:19]  This room is different.
[00:12:21]  What happened to the Botox?
[00:12:22]  Fucking Mary's down.
[00:12:23]  I got that back.
[00:12:24]  Yeah.
[00:12:25]  Run that back.
[00:12:25]  Remember, for the longest time, he doesn't sweat.
[00:12:26]  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:12:27]  He forgot how to sweat from the Botox.
[00:12:29]  It does.
[00:12:29]  It only lasts six months.
[00:12:31]  What, the Botox?
[00:12:32]  The one that.
[00:12:33]  Have you not re-upped?
[00:12:34]  No, it happened.
[00:12:34]  Have you?
[00:12:35]  I'm about to.
[00:12:37]  You've done it?
[00:12:38]  What, Botox?
[00:12:39]  Yeah.
[00:12:39]  Yeah.
[00:12:40]  Didn't we talk about it on the podcast?
[00:12:41]  Yeah, I think so.
[00:12:41]  I wouldn't have brought it up if we didn't.
[00:12:43]  Yeah.
[00:12:43]  Yeah.
[00:12:44]  Yeah, I did that.
[00:12:44]  Yeah, we got to do it as a group.
[00:12:45]  I only snitch on Al.
[00:12:46]  I think we should do that.
[00:12:47]  But you snitch on him too.
[00:12:49]  I remember when he got it and he was like, oh, yeah, I've been moisturizing some bullshit.
[00:12:53]  I didn't say that.
[00:12:55]  Nah, I can't keep private lies.
[00:12:57]  Yeah, your skin looks really good.
[00:12:58]  No, you ain't tell me that.
[00:13:00]  I swear to God.
[00:13:00]  You know me.
[00:13:01]  If I'm embarrassed about some shit, I say it.
[00:13:03]  I'm telling you, you ain't say it.
[00:13:04]  Nah, that's lying.
[00:13:05]  You got it.
[00:13:06]  That's lies.
[00:13:08]  You are lying, bro.
[00:13:09]  I wanted you to say it.
[00:13:10]  You ain't tell me.
[00:13:11]  Why would I feel bad if I know you got it?
[00:13:13]  Because I heard my sweating.
[00:13:14]  I'd get my first sword.
[00:13:15]  That shit was so corny.
[00:13:17]  I just don't have it.
[00:13:17]  I have wrinkles, bro.
[00:13:18]  I'm sweating.
[00:13:19]  Do you see my forehead right now?
[00:13:21]  You're leaking.
[00:13:22]  You have great skin.
[00:13:22]  I'm leaking.
[00:13:23]  I got that for sweat, bro.
[00:13:25]  Come on, bro.
[00:13:28]  I don't think any of those are your real hair.
[00:13:30]  There's no way, right?
[00:13:31]  It's obviously.
[00:13:32]  What is it?
[00:13:32]  Just be honest.
[00:13:33]  What is it?
[00:13:33]  It's obviously my real hair.
[00:13:35]  But you need to be a little bit.
[00:13:36]  Your beard is perfect.
[00:13:37]  Your beard is meeting.
[00:13:38]  Perfection.
[00:13:39]  Perfection.
[00:13:40]  You literally have, you have like a 300 beard.
[00:13:43]  I feel good.
[00:13:43]  I'm being 100%.
[00:13:45]  What's a 300 beard?
[00:13:46]  Like the movie 300 where he kicks it.
[00:13:47]  It's like chiseled.
[00:13:48]  It's perfect.
[00:13:49]  No, if only but the rest of my body can match.
[00:13:51]  Yeah.
[00:13:52]  Sometimes you've had that.
[00:13:53]  You've been in like great shape.
[00:13:55]  But the hair, I just don't, I don't feel like it's you.
[00:13:57]  I feel like it's, I feel like it's.
[00:13:58]  What do you think Al's hairstyle needs to be?
[00:14:00]  He's a Muppet or something like that.
[00:14:02]  Like, I feel like you have Muppet eyebrows on your head, dude.
[00:14:06]  Let me get gay and artistic.
[00:14:08]  Yeah.
[00:14:08]  Oh, when he puts it up, it's kind of fire.
[00:14:11]  Yeah, kill Margaret.
[00:14:12]  Let's go, baby.
[00:14:13]  Yeah.
[00:14:13]  Hell yeah.
[00:14:14]  I'm Artsy.
[00:14:16]  That's like when you wore your beanie.
[00:14:18]  Yeah.
[00:14:18]  I hated that.
[00:14:21]  Half of it.
[00:14:21]  He was wearing the beanie.
[00:14:22]  It's like off to the side.
[00:14:23]  But it's just like barely hanging on my head.
[00:14:24]  Yeah, he actually kind of looks good, dude.
[00:14:27]  I'm giving you too many compliments today, though.
[00:14:28]  I got to allow it.
[00:14:29]  Yeah, yeah, chill, chill, chill.
[00:14:30]  You know what actually does bring balance to a relationship?
[00:14:32]  What's that?
[00:14:33]  Taking your wife's last name.
[00:14:34]  That's a great segue.
[00:14:36]  What a fucking professional segue.
[00:14:38]  Bro, that was fire.
[00:14:39]  That was a good segue.
[00:14:40]  Who did that?
[00:14:40]  I just made that up.
[00:14:44]  I was putting that out there.
[00:14:44]  I took an astrology class.
[00:14:45]  No, Ricky Williams.
[00:14:47]  He changed his name.
[00:14:49]  Now he's like Eric Morin.
[00:14:50]  Eric was, for the record, his legal name always.
[00:14:52]  Ricky was the nickname.
[00:14:53]  Or Myron.
[00:14:54]  I think he took his wife's last name, which is Myron.
[00:14:56]  And so now he goes by Eric Myron.
[00:14:58]  And why?
[00:14:59]  So he said that he... T-E.
[00:15:02]  He got it early.
[00:15:03]  So he broke.
[00:15:03]  He seems like the coolest dude, first off.
[00:15:05]  Like, I was just like, man, interviews me hard.
[00:15:07]  He just seems like such a great guy.
[00:15:08]  So generally, I'm just going to give him a password.
[00:15:10]  I'm like, bro, this guy's awesome.
[00:15:11]  But apparently he took like an astrology class.
[00:15:15]  This is where it kind of falls apart.
[00:15:16]  He took like an astrology class.
[00:15:17]  This is his words.
[00:15:18]  I think he told Dan Levittard.
[00:15:19]  He took an astrology class and found that there was an imbalance in the relationship.
[00:15:23]  He said in his words, his wife's an attorney.
[00:15:25]  So like when she walks in the room, she's the hot shot.
[00:15:27]  But then when he walks in the room, being a famous person, all of a sudden he sucks the energy out.
[00:15:30]  He takes all the attention.
[00:15:32]  He takes all the attention.
[00:15:33]  So how do you restore balance in the relationship?
[00:15:35]  He's thinking about it.
[00:15:36]  Oh, what if I take her last name?
[00:15:38]  Ain't nobody want that autograph.
[00:15:41]  Do you know what I'm saying?
[00:15:42]  Don't you dare give me fucking Ricky Aaron.
[00:15:45]  What's her last name?
[00:15:46]  I think Myron.
[00:15:46]  Ricky Myron.
[00:15:47]  Eric Myron.
[00:15:48]  Aaron Myron.
[00:15:49]  Yeah.
[00:15:49]  Yeah, we don't want all that.
[00:15:50]  Yeah, that's a little crazy.
[00:15:51]  I mean, he's a sweetheart.
[00:15:52]  I guess he's just such a massive dude that he can actually get away with it and it's not that bad.
[00:15:58]  Oh, he's 5'10.
[00:15:59]  Yeah, but he's that.
[00:16:00]  Diesel.
[00:16:01]  Got the question.
[00:16:01]  He's a bowling ball.
[00:16:03]  All right, question.
[00:16:03]  Yeah.
[00:16:04]  What if the wife has a lit last name, like Rockefeller?
[00:16:07]  You know, yeah, Rockefeller.
[00:16:08]  Oh, he loves that.
[00:16:09]  Yeah.
[00:16:09]  Fox.
[00:16:10]  I'll take that Rothschild last name.
[00:16:13]  I'll trade Gagnon.
[00:16:13]  Only if you get Rothschild money.
[00:16:15]  If that's the way to get Rothschild money, maybe you do.
[00:16:17]  Even the name, though.
[00:16:18]  You don't think the name carries weight?
[00:16:19]  You should have given up Gagnon for a while.
[00:16:22]  That's my point.
[00:16:23]  Yeah, I would trade Gagnon.
[00:16:24]  There's a fire.
[00:16:25]  I'm telling you, Fox is the best last name.
[00:16:27]  Wow, Zee.
[00:16:27]  See a wife's last name ain't fire.
[00:16:29]  Why Fox is the mine?
[00:16:31]  Why Fox is so good?
[00:16:32]  Fox is awesome.
[00:16:33]  We talked about this before.
[00:16:34]  There's every hot person, every person named Fox is hot.
[00:16:38]  Michael Fox, Julia, Jamie, Michael J, others.
[00:16:44]  Echo J?
[00:16:45]  Michael Fox.
[00:16:46]  Yeah, he was a cute.
[00:16:48]  He was cute.
[00:16:50]  Wait, wait, what?
[00:16:51]  Last time we talked about this, I said Michael J and no one laughed.
[00:16:55]  And Martin just did it.
[00:16:56]  No one laughed this time.
[00:16:57]  Well, how'd you say it?
[00:16:58]  Just like he did.
[00:16:59]  Well, you don't know my timing.
[00:17:00]  No, was it like a Fox joke or was it something else?
[00:17:04]  No, it was a Fox joke.
[00:17:05]  And I cops in Michael J right in there and it was great.
[00:17:08]  At the end of a list, rule of three.
[00:17:10]  Follow the rule of three.
[00:17:11]  That's big in comedy.
[00:17:11]  Oh, I didn't follow that.
[00:17:12]  There you go.
[00:17:13]  Oh, so you just said it out of nowhere.
[00:17:14]  Yeah, kind of like this.
[00:17:15]  So it is interesting also.
[00:17:19]  Timing again.
[00:17:19]  You see the timing?
[00:17:20]  Yeah.
[00:17:21]  Come on.
[00:17:23]  Keep putting your name.
[00:17:24]  You know what I mean?
[00:17:26]  Anyway, so that's right.
[00:17:28]  Yeah, I would trade my husband's name.
[00:17:30]  Imagine that's your best friend who just shits on you every chance he gets.
[00:17:33]  Imagine you don't shit on your best friend.
[00:17:34]  Hold on one second.
[00:17:34]  What you fake working on over there?
[00:17:37]  He's looking at every different screen, bro.
[00:17:39]  Like we moving around or something like that.
[00:17:42]  He's calculating different things.
[00:17:44]  What's going on?
[00:17:44]  I'm switching and taking notes, and then Dove is taking notes 30 seconds after of the note.
[00:17:49]  I just can you just take the notes and start writing.
[00:17:53]  It's not that hard.
[00:17:54]  My marriage depends on it, please.
[00:17:57]  He's already on them.
[00:17:58]  I'm doing it, okay.
[00:17:59]  Um yeah, let's go.
[00:18:01]  Everybody snitching boy.
[00:18:03]  Wait a minute.
[00:18:04]  Wait, who did I snitch on?
[00:18:06]  Well, it's gonna get you, dude, what was wrong with what I said?
[00:18:11]  Yo, I'm truly confused.
[00:18:15]  You had it out earlier.
[00:18:16]  What was it when Akash told me how great he was and how shitty I was and acted like he gave me a lifeboat?
[00:18:22]  No way, said, when you treat your wife like shit, look how I treat my wife.
[00:18:27]  When you said you were just joking.
[00:18:28]  You see how I said that's how we work hard.
[00:18:29]  You'd be like, yeah yeah, that's how we work hard.
[00:18:32]  Yo, my wife deserves the best.
[00:18:33]  That's a great response.
[00:18:34]  No, my wife gets y'all know she gets anything.
[00:18:38]  Name one thing she don't have besides time with me.
[00:18:44]  That would cause her some economic anxiety.
[00:18:46]  I'll tell you that we start hanging out all the time like, shouldn't you be making some money or something?
[00:18:50]  That's why you buy things, bro.
[00:18:51]  That's why you buy things.
[00:18:53]  What did you say?
[00:18:53]  That fucking cracked me up.
[00:18:54]  Buying gifts is renting silence.
[00:18:56]  Renting life philosophy of mine, silence life philosophy.
[00:19:02]  Hey hey bro, you don't know, this is for married people.
[00:19:05]  Yeah yeah, Alga style is the old-fashioned.
[00:19:10]  He just fly to LA for a few days.
[00:19:14]  I'm on the play road, babe.
[00:19:19]  Oh, wait a minute, what was it?
[00:19:21]  It was renting style.
[00:19:22]  Yeah, gifts are just renting silence.
[00:19:24]  Yeah yeah, what did you say?
[00:19:25]  But the price of inflation is.
[00:19:26]  The rate of inflation is unreal.
[00:19:27]  No, you said my, my biggest fear is my wife runs out of shit she wants.
[00:19:31]  Oh god yeah dude, that scares the hell out of me.
[00:19:34]  Please keep making purses.
[00:19:35]  Yo, that'll never happen, bro.
[00:19:37]  They'll find stuff they want bro, thank god, I just want you to grow into like spiritualism and you know what I mean as soon as they're interested in like the everything.
[00:19:45]  That's my point No, Astra.
[00:19:50]  Get him into Astral.
[00:19:52]  We're bringing Mark's wife over there to talk.
[00:19:54]  My wife is putting in overtime.
[00:19:57]  I'm like, no, no, be in the granola.
[00:19:59]  Mark had her into fucking hacky sack purses and shit like that.
[00:20:02]  She likes camping.
[00:20:03]  What's wrong with camping?
[00:20:04]  We're camping out at Proctor.
[00:20:06]  That's what we camping out.
[00:20:07]  Like fancy restaurants and shit like that.
[00:20:10]  What's wrong with camping, bro?
[00:20:12]  Camping's ain't great.
[00:20:12]  Half is great if you're pushed.
[00:20:16]  Yeah.
[00:20:17]  That's awesome, dude.
[00:20:18]  This is being homeless on the grass.
[00:20:20]  There ain't nothing fun about that.
[00:20:21]  Yeah.
[00:20:21]  We're out here living, bro.
[00:20:22]  Live.
[00:20:23]  Let your wife live.
[00:20:24]  We're living.
[00:20:26]  Modestly.
[00:20:27]  We're living modestly.
[00:20:29]  We're saving up.
[00:20:29]  Okay.
[00:20:30]  No, we got to save up.
[00:20:31]  We're saving up, okay?
[00:20:32]  Cat.
[00:20:32]  Nah, see, we're saving up.
[00:20:34]  For me to buy some dope shit.
[00:20:36]  I don't know.
[00:20:37]  Later.
[00:20:38]  We can't spend it all on bags and stuff.
[00:20:40]  What if I need a car one day?
[00:20:42]  You guys have a car.
[00:20:43]  What if I need a nicer car?
[00:20:46]  See?
[00:20:48]  See, Akash?
[00:20:49]  Yeah.
[00:20:50]  See, I'm fishing you out.
[00:20:53]  You know, sometimes people get nicer cars.

=== Saving Up for Cars (08:52) ===

[00:20:58]  What if I need a Kia Carnival?
[00:21:00]  Exactly.
[00:21:01]  That's a nice car.
[00:21:02]  That's what we're saving up for.
[00:21:06]  Come on, bro.
[00:21:07]  What?
[00:21:08]  What did he do?
[00:21:09]  He was getting on, but he's like, oh, no, I just gave Akashi out right now.
[00:21:13]  The Kia Carnival.
[00:21:14]  The Kia Carnival.
[00:21:17]  Yeah, guys.
[00:21:17]  Listen, wives are great.
[00:21:19]  And I hope it doesn't come across like you guys love your wives less than I love mine.
[00:21:27]  Because I would hate that for y'all.
[00:21:30]  That's true.
[00:21:31]  That's impossible.
[00:21:32]  It's actually impossible.
[00:21:34]  Al has no wife.
[00:21:36]  That's true.
[00:21:36]  That's true.
[00:21:36]  Al, you got no wife.
[00:21:37]  I love my girl.
[00:21:38]  Say again.
[00:21:39]  I love my girl.
[00:21:40]  Well, at least he admitted he had a girl.
[00:21:41]  Listen, that's true.
[00:21:42]  That's true.
[00:21:43]  Yeah.
[00:21:43]  That's true.
[00:21:44]  Ben admitted it.
[00:21:50]  That's crazy, bro.
[00:21:51]  Y'all crazy.
[00:21:53]  Y'all crazy.
[00:21:56]  I need some Botox, bro.
[00:21:57]  I'm sorry.
[00:22:00]  Stop it.
[00:22:00]  You don't want to say that.
[00:22:01]  All right, question that.
[00:22:02]  Have you heard about the ick?
[00:22:03]  Yeah, explain this ick to me because as soon as I brought this up, I was like, we can talk about the ick.
[00:22:09]  He goes, add it.
[00:22:09]  Add it to the list.
[00:22:10]  We're talking about it.
[00:22:11]  It makes no sense.
[00:22:13]  Apparently, I don't think this is a white thing.
[00:22:15]  I think it's a generational thing.
[00:22:16]  It's a white thing.
[00:22:16]  Okay, go.
[00:22:17]  So apparently there's this trend going around.
[00:22:18]  It's like through TikTok and Twitter.
[00:22:20]  For the last, like, I've heard about it for like four or five years.
[00:22:22]  Yeah.
[00:22:22]  Basically, girls will be like into a guy, crushing on him, and then he'll do something and girls will get, quote unquote, the ick.
[00:22:28]  Meaning that now she can no longer be attracted to him, no matter how attractive she was to him in the first place.
[00:22:33]  Women don't have attraction.
[00:22:38]  Just heads on that.
[00:22:39]  Go on that.
[00:22:40]  Go on that.
[00:22:42]  Meaning, like they're not attracted in the same way we're attracted.
[00:22:47]  You know what I mean?
[00:22:47]  Like, yes, they'll look at like a Zac Efron guy and be like, oh my God, this guy's objectively good looking, right?
[00:22:52]  But if Zac Efron is not like a good provider of security, I don't think they find that motherfucker attractive.
[00:22:58]  Homa Zac Efron, I don't think is getting like, he's not locking girls down.
[00:23:02]  Maybe he'll get laid a few times, but he's not like having an actual girlfriend.
[00:23:05]  So I think girls can get over to him.
[00:23:07]  Ellen Bay girls was all about him.
[00:23:09]  Yeah, but were they though?
[00:23:10]  Yeah.
[00:23:11]  Like they was giving him some pussy, but they weren't going to be like long-term lockers.
[00:23:14]  Girls are linking with locked him up.
[00:23:16]  Say again?
[00:23:16]  Billionaire.
[00:23:17]  Yeah, also, like, I want to piss off my dad shit.
[00:23:19]  Like, what would piss your dad off more?
[00:23:21]  You're a billionaire heiress.
[00:23:23]  Or she's like, how can I stun on all these other bitches by getting the guy that every girl wants?
[00:23:27]  I'm sure there are other guys that the girls want.
[00:23:30]  But that's a big.
[00:23:31]  He's famous.
[00:23:31]  He's internet famous.
[00:23:33]  He's got some clout, but still, it's like, he's also extremely handsome.
[00:23:37]  Super handsome.
[00:23:39]  Can we pull up his joint?
[00:23:44]  That guy, I'll try to pretend he's not hot as fuck.
[00:23:45]  Yeah, that's a no, he's an attractive guy, but I still, I just, and then he became like a model, and he was doing all this like look at this motherfucker.
[00:23:52]  Look at God.
[00:23:53]  Motherfucker, dog, are you crazy?
[00:23:55]  If he's not a felon, you see him walking down the street, he walks in the room, you go, who is that?
[00:23:59]  Yeah, what is that person?
[00:24:01]  Yeah, I don't even think.
[00:24:02]  I mean, like, sure.
[00:24:04]  Oh, what happened?
[00:24:08]  Is it possible to believe that women are into different things than men are?
[00:24:11]  That women don't physically objectify themselves.
[00:24:14]  Yeah, but this is also personality shit that's like, I'm into you.
[00:24:17]  I might be thinking about fucking you, maybe not even long-term.
[00:24:20]  But then I see you do this thing, and then I'm just turned off.
[00:24:22]  I don't believe it's possible.
[00:24:24]  And I mean this sincerely: once a woman likes a guy, anything about him becomes the best thing.
[00:24:30]  Anything.
[00:24:31]  What about the fat guys become cuddly?
[00:24:33]  The skinny guys become pure.
[00:24:37]  Since she never even liked you in the first place.
[00:24:38]  Exactly.
[00:24:38]  I think what girls want to talk to.
[00:24:40]  Doug gets laid.
[00:24:41]  Like, look at him.
[00:24:41]  He looks like a fucking tortellini, right?
[00:24:44]  But he's so charming, and he's so like, he's so.
[00:24:48]  That was not an essay.
[00:24:48]  He's in a hole.
[00:24:49]  I mean, that's how that's your best friend.
[00:24:51]  I'm modeling movies.
[00:24:52]  He's been making fun of me the last 48 hours.
[00:24:55]  Just because we're holding him up.
[00:24:56]  I'm on the low.
[00:24:57]  I'm on a low.
[00:24:58]  He's been beating me down.
[00:24:59]  I just thought you work out so much and you still have titties like that.
[00:25:02]  Look, what are you holding?
[00:25:04]  What are you holding right now?
[00:25:05]  Take off your shirt.
[00:25:06]  What are you holding right now?
[00:25:07]  You shouldn't wear white shirts.
[00:25:09]  No, because you're a white shirt.
[00:25:11]  Yeah.
[00:25:14]  You act like you have a good body.
[00:25:16]  Your body is perfect.
[00:25:17]  You're going to take you with the hottest dude.
[00:25:19]  I was like, thank you.
[00:25:20]  All right.
[00:25:20]  But for real, I mean, you look good.
[00:25:22]  I'm going to say that again.
[00:25:23]  But you act like you have a good body.
[00:25:25]  Do you think you have a good body?
[00:25:26]  If I work seven days a week with a private trainer like you, it would destroy yours.
[00:25:32]  It would destroy yours.
[00:25:33]  Don't worry.
[00:25:33]  No, no, no.
[00:25:34]  Your natural shape is not good.
[00:25:36]  It's better.
[00:25:36]  I mean that.
[00:25:37]  You have breaths.
[00:25:38]  You have a breast.
[00:25:39]  You have breasts.
[00:25:39]  They turn into man pecs.
[00:25:40]  Yeah.
[00:25:41]  They don't.
[00:25:41]  They don't.
[00:25:42]  Did you say man pecs?
[00:25:43]  I mean, pecs are already man.
[00:25:44]  You don't have to say man before.
[00:25:45]  You have achy-breaky mark.
[00:25:49]  Let's eat them up.
[00:25:51]  Finally.
[00:25:51]  Come on.
[00:25:53]  That's not an issue.
[00:25:54]  You can love it out.
[00:25:55]  You can love it out.
[00:25:56]  How's that an issue, bro?
[00:25:58]  Mark.
[00:25:58]  Wow.
[00:26:00]  How is that funny?
[00:26:01]  How is that success?
[00:26:02]  You know they hit him.
[00:26:04]  But it actually doesn't.
[00:26:08]  Ichy, breaky mark.
[00:26:10]  That shit is so funny.
[00:26:11]  He said it earlier and we still left.
[00:26:13]  And I knew I had to break up here in public the first time I heard it.
[00:26:17]  It was a pun.
[00:26:18]  That was good.
[00:26:18]  That was very good.
[00:26:19]  How's he going?
[00:26:19]  That was very good.
[00:26:20]  But we still should talk about your body.
[00:26:22]  When you see your body, I mean this sincerely.
[00:26:26]  When you see your body.
[00:26:29]  He's hot.
[00:26:29]  He's hot.
[00:26:31]  I'm just on meds.
[00:26:32]  I'm so sick.
[00:26:33]  It's okay.
[00:26:33]  It's okay.
[00:26:34]  When you see your body, what is it you're seeing?
[00:26:38]  Really?
[00:26:39]  Yeah.
[00:26:40]  I have a better body than you.
[00:26:41]  I truly believe that.
[00:26:42]  That's for what?
[00:26:43]  I think I got to take off your shirts and let the people decide.
[00:26:45]  You know what I mean?
[00:26:47]  Do we want to do it?
[00:26:47]  Let's do this.
[00:26:48]  Let's do this.
[00:26:48]  No, how about this?
[00:26:49]  The day before your honeymoon.
[00:26:51]  The day before your honeymoon.
[00:26:54]  Day before your honeymoon.
[00:26:55]  You got to take your shirt up.
[00:26:57]  Only one of us is going through.
[00:27:00]  Looking like this.
[00:27:01]  Whatever you want, baby.
[00:27:02]  Whatever.
[00:27:03]  Shirts off.
[00:27:06]  Shirts up.
[00:27:08]  Let's go.
[00:27:09]  Come on.
[00:27:09]  Oh, come on.
[00:27:10]  Come on.
[00:27:11]  Come on, Doug, with his West Side Story wife beater.
[00:27:14]  What are you going on here?
[00:27:16]  Keep your shirt on.
[00:27:17]  I'll take your shirt.
[00:27:19]  Let's go, Doug.
[00:27:20]  Let's go.
[00:27:21]  Oh, it's not looking good.
[00:27:22]  Oh, my God.
[00:27:24]  Let's go, Jewish ladies.
[00:27:25]  Let's do it.
[00:27:27]  Come on.
[00:27:29]  This is what we got.
[00:27:30]  Come on, man.
[00:27:31]  Come here.
[00:27:32]  Come here.
[00:27:33]  Hold on.
[00:27:35]  Oh, he got it.
[00:27:36]  Come here, come here.
[00:27:37]  Come here.
[00:27:37]  Come in.
[00:27:38]  Hold on.
[00:27:38]  Hold on.
[00:27:39]  Ready?
[00:27:39]  You can see both.
[00:27:40]  Look at that.
[00:27:41]  That's fucking cleavage, dude.
[00:27:43]  Look at that right there.
[00:27:44]  Look at that.
[00:27:45]  Look at that.
[00:27:46]  Your pecs.
[00:27:46]  Literally, give me a pencil.
[00:27:48]  Somebody give me a pencil.
[00:27:49]  Somebody give me a pencil.
[00:27:50]  I guarantee you.
[00:27:54]  Hold on.
[00:27:54]  Come on.
[00:27:55]  Let me see.
[00:27:56]  Let me see.
[00:27:56]  Let me see if I can put a pencil.
[00:27:58]  Okay, right?
[00:27:59]  Just squeeze.
[00:28:00]  Let's see.
[00:28:02]  Let's see.
[00:28:03]  I'm so jealous of that head right now.
[00:28:05]  Let's go.
[00:28:06]  Let's be finished.
[00:28:08]  Let's see if it's finished.
[00:28:12]  No, you got it.
[00:28:13]  You gotta punch me, Doug.
[00:28:14]  Hold on, If Dub works out for three weeks straight, do you think the chair will bend that much?
[00:28:25]  Got the achy, breaking chair, bro.
[00:28:27]  That's just a little crazy.
[00:28:30]  That should have hurt him, bro.
[00:28:30]  That shit.
[00:28:33]  I know how to spell it.
[00:28:35]  It was you guys.
[00:28:36]  It was the reaction.
[00:28:37]  The reaction was big.
[00:28:39]  You got to be back with me.
[00:28:40]  You just sat there enjoying it.
[00:28:41]  It was a great joke.
[00:28:42]  That's why you got to come back.
[00:28:43]  Okay.
[00:28:44]  Do if you can work out and get your body into shape, what shape do you think it will be?
[00:28:49]  Triangle?
[00:28:50]  What is it?
[00:28:51]  What shape do you think you'll turn your body into?
[00:28:54]  Pure specimen.
[00:28:56]  Whatever shape you want.
[00:28:57]  Three weeks.
[00:28:58]  Come on, though.
[00:28:58]  I remember the biggest insult.
[00:29:00]  I think Andrew said that years ago.
[00:29:01]  Just said, you shape like a pumpkin.
[00:29:03]  Yeah, you are shaped.
[00:29:04]  That one hit me.
[00:29:06]  And then what happened?
[00:29:07]  You just became it?
[00:29:09]  I look better than you without my shirt on.
[00:29:11]  You don't look better than me.
[00:29:12]  Also, just because I'm tan.
[00:29:14]  But you're bald.
[00:29:15]  No.
[00:29:18]  Balding.
[00:29:21]  I love you, Vala.
[00:29:22]  I love you, Vala.
[00:29:32]  Why are you shooting over here?
[00:29:34]  I say you should.
[00:29:35]  You like a little follow.
[00:29:41]  You see the top of my head, Sean.
[00:29:44]  Balding.
[00:29:46]  Vala got a perfect head, though.
[00:29:47]  Your shit is.
[00:29:49]  You help.
[00:29:50]  No, no, no.

=== Vala's Perfect Head (09:40) ===

[00:29:51]  He literally has a perfect head.
[00:29:52]  Yes.
[00:29:52]  If I'm going to be bald, I want your head.
[00:29:54]  100%.
[00:29:55]  Absolutely.
[00:29:57]  100%.
[00:30:03]  Why are you laughing?
[00:30:04]  Why are you laughing?
[00:30:07]  I think Akash has a good buzzed head, no?
[00:30:09]  No.
[00:30:10]  No, no.
[00:30:11]  But he has great hair, but I don't know about shape.
[00:30:13]  But Vala's shape is fucking.
[00:30:15]  You got that Jada pink, right?
[00:30:20]  That golden globe.
[00:30:23]  That shit is beautiful, son.
[00:30:25]  Will want to grab that.
[00:30:28]  The one that got away.
[00:30:29]  Can we get back to the ick?
[00:30:30]  Yes.
[00:30:31]  What is the ick?
[00:30:31]  The ick is a real thing.
[00:30:33]  Okay, what is it?
[00:30:33]  It's taking over the world.
[00:30:35]  All right.
[00:30:35]  So, for example, here's an example of an ick.
[00:30:37]  Is the example of the ick dressing like a country sitter that says he had more now?
[00:30:43]  That was a good joke.
[00:30:48]  That's the only thing that's racked in so Vegas.
[00:30:52]  What is that guy?
[00:30:54]  Morgan Whalen.
[00:30:55]  No, Morgan Whalen.
[00:30:58]  Morgan Whalen.
[00:30:59]  Yeah.
[00:30:59]  Carlos would never say it.
[00:31:00]  Come on.
[00:31:01]  Okay.
[00:31:01]  Go.
[00:31:02]  Go.
[00:31:02]  All right.
[00:31:02]  Holding an umbrella is enough to give me the ick.
[00:31:05]  Especially if it turns inside out.
[00:31:06]  You're never seeing me again.
[00:31:08]  Me sitting on the toilet, running up the stairs on all fours.
[00:31:12]  What?
[00:31:13]  Now, can you play the ones that you listed earlier?
[00:31:15]  Yeah, we'll get to those.
[00:31:17]  We'll get to them.
[00:31:18]  Sat on a bar stool with their legs just dangling, sitting cross-legged, pressing the traffic light, waiting for the green man, sitting in a bath.
[00:31:25]  The cops sing, hold on.
[00:31:27]  Nah, hold on.
[00:31:28]  This isn't really pressing.
[00:31:32]  That's so good, y'all.
[00:31:34]  That's my point, Brad.
[00:31:36]  I know from toxic femininity is the funniest women will be.
[00:31:42]  There is nothing funnier.
[00:31:44]  The best music.
[00:31:45]  It's the funniest women will be.
[00:31:46]  You see how it starts with a compliment?
[00:31:48]  You see how it started with a compliment?
[00:31:49]  Yeah.
[00:31:50]  It's the funniest women will give him that one.
[00:31:54]  But men were already toxic with our humor.
[00:31:57]  Toxic is funny.
[00:31:58]  Toxic is funny.
[00:31:59]  But now women are getting in touch with that toxic femininity and it's hilarious.
[00:32:02]  Yo, waiting for the green man to let you go.
[00:32:06]  Like the cream man's your boss.
[00:32:08]  Bro, that is amazing.
[00:32:09]  That's so good.
[00:32:10]  Men sitting in the bath.
[00:32:12]  Now that shit is vulnerable, son.
[00:32:13]  You up in the stumps?
[00:32:14]  You can feel shit.
[00:32:16]  Nah, bathing is crazy.
[00:32:17]  Al, you look like you bathe a little bit.
[00:32:19]  Yeah.
[00:32:20]  Dude, I do.
[00:32:21]  I do a drink.
[00:32:22]  I was drinking clean.
[00:32:23]  I dropped the bath bomb in that shit.
[00:32:26]  No, you stopped a little bitch.
[00:32:30]  Hair net and everything.
[00:32:32]  No.
[00:32:33]  I swear I got it.
[00:32:34]  Because you can't get it wet for like a sincerely like for the hair.
[00:32:37]  Not a hair net.
[00:32:38]  Shower cap, yeah.
[00:32:38]  But because if it gets wet, it could come under.
[00:32:40]  It'll all fall out.
[00:32:42]  You're not supposed to get it wet that often.
[00:32:44]  But why?
[00:32:44]  Because you have white guy hair or something?
[00:32:47]  No, just for.
[00:32:48]  I actually don't know the reason why they just said you're not supposed to wet it that often.
[00:32:51]  So they can sell hair nets.
[00:32:53]  I don't know.
[00:32:54]  Yo, look at this.
[00:32:55]  Look at this one.
[00:32:55]  Them being spun around in the barber's chair to view their haircut in the mirror like a reveal.
[00:33:00]  I can't do it.
[00:33:01]  You ever had a barber's opinion?
[00:33:02]  No, that's funny.
[00:33:04]  Yo, let me look at my hair from the back of the front.
[00:33:06]  You know what I mean?
[00:33:07]  Like, I can't see what the back of my head looks like.
[00:33:10]  It's so funny.
[00:33:10]  After you need spaghetti, they got the little orange piece around your mouth.
[00:33:14]  Bitch asses.
[00:33:16]  It does.
[00:33:17]  This is my God.
[00:33:18]  Yo, who are these women?
[00:33:19]  I want them on a podcast.
[00:33:20]  When they lose their balance on the train and wobble a little, bro.
[00:33:26]  Nah, there's got to be dudes of goodness.
[00:33:28]  There's got to be dudes, dudes.
[00:33:30]  There's got to be dudes that took this, bro.
[00:33:32]  This is too good.
[00:33:32]  Oh, my God.
[00:33:33]  There's got to be dudes.
[00:33:34]  Hold on.
[00:33:34]  Oh, my God.
[00:33:35]  I love toxic femininity.
[00:33:36]  Who's the most toxic female?
[00:33:38]  We need her on the podcast.
[00:33:39]  Who's the most toxic female?
[00:33:41]  In the world?
[00:33:42]  In the world, who's the most toxic?
[00:33:43]  Son, I don't know.
[00:33:44]  I want her.
[00:33:45]  I love toxic female music.
[00:33:47]  That shit is funny.
[00:33:48]  Who makes that?
[00:33:49]  Like all the Megan's, the city girls, all that type of shit.
[00:33:52]  That shit is fucking fire, right?
[00:33:54]  Buy me a Birkin.
[00:33:55]  Yeah, it's fine.
[00:33:55]  Right?
[00:33:56]  Buy me a Birkin.
[00:33:58]  We deserve it.
[00:34:00]  When they zip all the way to their neck, it's super funny.
[00:34:03]  Yo, we can't even be cold, yo.
[00:34:07]  Yo, we can't even be chilly, bro.
[00:34:09]  Can't even take a bath.
[00:34:10]  What about you, like, standing, bro?
[00:34:12]  And the next one be like, when they're dirty, right?
[00:34:15]  Come on, yo.
[00:34:16]  Standing naked, waiting for the shower to heat up, little bitch.
[00:34:19]  When they have a family film, it's never stupid, but it's cold like this every single minute.
[00:34:23]  It's like, God damn.
[00:34:25]  They're not wrong.
[00:34:26]  They're right.
[00:34:27]  We suck.
[00:34:28]  Yeah, we ain't shit.
[00:34:29]  Yeah, we need toxic females on a podcast.
[00:34:32]  Do you believe in the ick yet?
[00:34:34]  I don't believe that this changes how they feel about us.
[00:34:37]  Like, the idea of the ick is one thing could make them not attracted to us forever.
[00:34:41]  Well, there's a bunch of them.
[00:34:42]  Say what?
[00:34:43]  There's a bunch of them.
[00:34:44]  They ain't got it.
[00:34:45]  These girls say the it could just be one just slinging.
[00:34:47]  And then Jeff Bezos could do all that shit.
[00:34:49]  And then Jeff Bezos was like, let me take you out to dinner real quick and sing barts.
[00:34:51]  And they're like, look at that.
[00:34:54]  There's some things that might trump the ick, but still.
[00:34:57]  But it's bad if this becomes a real trend, like where they're just talking about it.
[00:35:00]  Don't worry.
[00:35:05]  No worries.
[00:35:08]  Can you hold a ballpoint pen between your teeth?
[00:35:11]  That's super.
[00:35:12]  That's an ick, bro.
[00:35:15]  No, no, I actually kind of want to reward this because I have a wife.
[00:35:18]  But I hear what Dove is saying.
[00:35:20]  Like, if you're out here in the world, you don't want to give women more ammunition to find us ugly.
[00:35:25]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:35:25]  It's a very vulnerable thing.
[00:35:26]  Or unattractive.
[00:35:27]  Yeah.
[00:35:28]  Yeah.
[00:35:28]  But what if that just makes us better?
[00:35:30]  Yeah.
[00:35:30]  Give them all the ammunition.
[00:35:31]  But we had a great thing where we didn't need to be better.
[00:35:34]  That was great.
[00:35:35]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:35:35]  Like, you see these girls walking around in heels and shit.
[00:35:37]  They got thongs on all of them.
[00:35:39]  It was really good.
[00:35:40]  Nobody talks about the good side of the patriarchy, which is we were on it.
[00:35:43]  Oh, I feel like we have a podcast dedicated to this.
[00:35:48]  No one talks about it.
[00:35:50]  No one ever brings up.
[00:35:53]  That's my favorite thing to do with my wife is if we're arguing about anything, talk about how hard I work.
[00:36:00]  But this is how hard I work.
[00:36:03]  Just come in here and talk to us.
[00:36:05]  You're working hard.
[00:36:06]  Yo, we're working then talking more after.
[00:36:10]  Come on, yo.
[00:36:10]  I was drinking repositories, making fun of Dove.
[00:36:14]  I was crazy.
[00:36:15]  What a crazy day.
[00:36:16]  You got to do the hard part.
[00:36:17]  Yo, it's hard.
[00:36:19]  Is that even in this episode?
[00:36:21]  We have no clue at this point.
[00:36:22]  We re-recorded so many times.
[00:36:24]  That was hard.
[00:36:24]  That was hard.
[00:36:25]  You're right.
[00:36:26]  All right, guys, we're going to stop this for one second because I need to get y'all some money, bro.
[00:36:31]  I know every time we stop the podcast, I try to make y'all rich.
[00:36:33]  My bad.
[00:36:34]  Sorry.
[00:36:35]  Hate me if you want.
[00:36:38]  But I'm telling you, this is not the ad to skip because we are partnering with current and they're helping us give back to the flagrant listeners.
[00:36:46]  We are going to be giving away $5,000, right?
[00:36:50]  That's $500 to 10 random listeners who sign up at current.com slash flagrant.
[00:36:54]  So go to current.com slash flagrant, enter the code flagrant in the app for a chance to win.
[00:37:01]  The giveaway will end June 30th.
[00:37:03]  Now, this is some real shit that I'm about to tell you, okay?
[00:37:09]  Banking is dominated by a bunch of old companies who don't put their customers first.
[00:37:14]  Current was built to change that, okay?
[00:37:16]  They built everything from the ground up with you in mind and with modern technology and security, okay?
[00:37:24]  Banks can let you down all the time.
[00:37:25]  I know there's people watching this right now.
[00:37:26]  They're like, damn, man, I don't even fuck with those banks because they straight up disrespect me.
[00:37:30]  Can banks let you down?
[00:37:32]  Ask Alex, bro.
[00:37:34]  Ask history, bro.
[00:37:36]  I don't have to be the one to tell you.
[00:37:37]  Al, ain't it crazy?
[00:37:39]  I don't even know if he's mic'd up still.
[00:37:41]  I should be.
[00:37:41]  He should be.
[00:37:43]  Probably bank took his goddamn pack.
[00:37:48]  Point is, listen, I'm telling you, Kern wants to help us give back to you guys.
[00:37:53]  So we are going to be giving away a total of $5,000.
[00:37:56]  That's $500 to 10 random people who use our code flagrant.
[00:38:00]  So go to download current and then use our code flag or visit current.com slash flagrant for a chance to win.
[00:38:09]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:38:11]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because some of you nerds are getting sleepy and we don't do that shit.
[00:38:15]  Gamer Sups has got your back, your front, and your sides, okay?
[00:38:21]  Healthiest supplement to keep you awake on the motherfucking planet.
[00:38:24]  I can go through all that stuff if you want, but I know you don't care.
[00:38:27]  You just want to stay awake so you can play them games, stroke that meat, play with that tank.
[00:38:32]  You know what I mean?
[00:38:33]  Watch that fucking OctoMom porn or whatever shit that you guys got going on.
[00:38:38]  Gamer Sups has got your back.
[00:38:40]  You want to stay up with crazy flavors like Blue Raz, acai, blueberry, black cherry, new pineapple cocktail flavor for the Hawaiians.
[00:38:48]  Powdered energy formula that's healthier and cheaper than any energy drink on the market.
[00:38:53]  You heard it here.
[00:38:54]  It's the truth.
[00:38:56]  Okay.
[00:38:57]  You use it.
[00:38:58]  You don't lose it.
[00:39:00]  And you get the waifu cups.
[00:39:02]  Shit, you can flip those on eBay, $200 to $300.
[00:39:05]  Go to GamerSups, G-A-M-E-R-S-U-P-P-S.com.
[00:39:10]  Use the code flagrant.
[00:39:11]  You receive 10% off your gamer subs.
[00:39:14]  Get that waifu.
[00:39:15]  Let's get back to the show.
[00:39:17]  What gives you the ick about women?
[00:39:19]  What is it?
[00:39:20]  Like, can we just be honest?
[00:39:24]  And this is crazy that it does this for me, but like, like, because I am this, but I don't need you to be this.

=== What Gives You The Ick (14:57) ===

[00:39:31]  And I saw this in, I think it was like a Chuck Klosterman book or something like that, but it was like patriotism.
[00:39:40]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:39:41]  Like, I'm mad patriotic, but like, it's Memorial Day, bro.
[00:39:44]  Yo, dude.
[00:39:45]  It was, bro.
[00:39:46]  It is.
[00:39:47]  Now when they see it.
[00:39:49]  Like, imagine a girl that's mad patriotic, like, dumb, patriotic.
[00:39:53]  Like, she probably wouldn't be attracting me, to be honest with you.
[00:39:57]  You don't got to worry about that.
[00:39:58]  You know what I mean?
[00:39:59]  Like, you know what I'm saying?
[00:40:00]  Yeah.
[00:40:01]  Like, knows all the fucking Constitution and shit.
[00:40:05]  Why does this bother you?
[00:40:07]  Not knowing trivia, though?
[00:40:08]  That'd be the ich.
[00:40:10]  Like, why are you good at you going to trivia nights and shit?
[00:40:12]  Like, you know facts.
[00:40:13]  You just mad because Shorty's smarter than you?
[00:40:15]  Yeah.
[00:40:17]  Imagine your girl's like, yo, the SS to shoot up the brown people is parked off the side of the river.
[00:40:23]  Do you want to go see it during the day?
[00:40:25]  That's really the example you would go with, son.
[00:40:28]  You could came with something.
[00:40:30]  What if your girl's like, yo, instead of going to the bar, like, do you want to tour the Intrepid?
[00:40:34]  It's responsive and respect.
[00:40:35]  Today, imagine today.
[00:40:36]  I feel you.
[00:40:37]  That's not what I'm into.
[00:40:38]  Only owns American flag bikinis.
[00:40:41]  This sounds lit, bro.
[00:40:43]  Nah, this sounds awesome.
[00:40:44]  Keep it going.
[00:40:46]  Keep it going.
[00:40:47]  I'm describing every girl in Florida.
[00:40:50]  You're talking my language here, boy.
[00:40:52]  Keep on going.
[00:40:53]  What's American flag or Confederate flag?
[00:40:54]  Yo, jerk off right here.
[00:40:56]  Go on there.
[00:40:57]  Bars and stars, baby.
[00:40:59]  Okay.
[00:40:59]  I remember when I made that fuck up.
[00:41:00]  I think I said it on here before.
[00:41:02]  Like, I needed a towel when I was in Florida and I quickly ran into a 7-Eleven and it looked like an American flag.
[00:41:07]  No, you didn't.
[00:41:07]  Bought it.
[00:41:08]  The other half of the towel was Confederate.
[00:41:10]  There's no way.
[00:41:11]  Swear to God.
[00:41:12]  Swear to God.
[00:41:13]  Open that shit on the beach anyway because motherfuckers did not want to get smashed.
[00:41:17]  Bro.
[00:41:18]  You bought a Confederate.
[00:41:19]  You guys supported me.
[00:41:20]  It was half American.
[00:41:22]  And then the part that was covered up, that was folded up, was the other half.
[00:41:25]  They got you, dude.
[00:41:26]  They got you.
[00:41:26]  They did.
[00:41:27]  They had a good chuckle.
[00:41:27]  I know.
[00:41:28]  They must have.
[00:41:28]  They must have been just laughing at me while I'm perching.
[00:41:31]  You got to take a shit on that towel at the end of the day.
[00:41:34]  That's how you win, man.
[00:41:35]  I don't have it anymore.
[00:41:38]  What'd you put your feet on?
[00:41:39]  On the Confederate side?
[00:41:40]  Yeah, of course.
[00:41:42]  I kind of hit it.
[00:41:43]  Like, I was sitting on half the towel.
[00:41:44]  I really was.
[00:41:45]  I ain't going to lie.
[00:41:46]  But I needed a towel, bro.
[00:41:47]  Okay, back to patriotism.
[00:41:48]  Yeah, Is there a quality, like, super patriotic?
[00:41:52]  Like, knows shit about, like, Bob Dole.
[00:41:55]  Like.
[00:41:56]  Knowing a lot of history would be.
[00:41:57]  Right?
[00:41:58]  Like, isn't that weird a little bit?
[00:42:00]  That's not going to be.
[00:42:01]  So are you saying like, oh, a bad bitch is right in front of you and she's just like says a fact about a president?
[00:42:06]  She's a wild bad.
[00:42:08]  She's a wild baddie, like super crazy baddie.
[00:42:10]  But also she's like, you know, in 1793, like.
[00:42:15]  Come on, you know what I'm saying?
[00:42:16]  John Adams once said that.
[00:42:17]  But you're acting as if we listened to him anyway.
[00:42:21]  Yo, this guy's evil, bro.
[00:42:23]  That's an evil guy.
[00:42:24]  I love listening to my wife.
[00:42:26]  I love listening to my wife.
[00:42:27]  We're talking about hypothetical back in the day.
[00:42:29]  I love listening to my wife, bro.
[00:42:31]  My wife got great things to say.
[00:42:33]  I love listening to my wife.
[00:42:34]  I remember that.
[00:42:35]  I love my wife.
[00:42:36]  But I'm going to circle back around, bro.
[00:42:38]  I'm just saying.
[00:42:39]  You're talking like he's at the Senate right now.
[00:42:40]  I know, right?
[00:42:42]  What if, like, a girl dressed like that regular?
[00:42:46]  Or like you?
[00:42:47]  This is fire.
[00:42:48]  Stop it, son.
[00:42:49]  This is outfit fire.
[00:42:50]  This is Memorial Day.
[00:42:51]  This is fire.
[00:42:52]  You look crazy, son.
[00:42:53]  You got a bloused fucking lady's shot.
[00:42:57]  You can't.
[00:42:58]  That's not where it got.
[00:42:59]  You're selling cleavage, my nigga.
[00:43:01]  Stop it, bro.
[00:43:03]  Stop it.
[00:43:04]  You ain't fucking with me today.
[00:43:06]  Every other time you call him firefuck.
[00:43:08]  But today is not the one, bro.
[00:43:10]  Stop it, bro.
[00:43:11]  I was feeling this one the most, I'm gonna be honest with you.
[00:43:13]  I thought I killed this, bro.
[00:43:15]  Don't slide me five seven o'clock, get you.
[00:43:16]  Stop trying to end the road.
[00:43:18]  Stop trying to end the road with a fucking agreement.
[00:43:21]  A piece of cords, okay?
[00:43:23]  Listen, I didn't know that the top was supposed to go at the bottom.
[00:43:26]  That's why I came at yours earlier.
[00:43:27]  I get it's a whole fit.
[00:43:28]  I still don't understand why you always try to match the socks and it drives me fucking crazy.
[00:43:33]  Because you always go one little bit more.
[00:43:35]  You don't need sprinkles, bro.
[00:43:36]  You realize these socks, the very first time I've seen these, you had them on.
[00:43:40]  Yeah, and what have I done since?
[00:43:41]  All right.
[00:43:42]  You.
[00:43:44]  Can I show you the best part about the socks, though?
[00:43:46]  Can I show you the best part?
[00:43:47]  What?
[00:43:49]  They come really high up.
[00:43:49]  Bro, he's wearing soccer socks right now.
[00:43:51]  They come right up.
[00:43:51]  He was like, yo, how do I fold these down?
[00:43:53]  No, he didn't.
[00:43:55]  You know it's bad, but I'm asking Mark Brown.
[00:43:58]  You know it's bad.
[00:43:59]  Yo, I'm like, yo, Mark, I need some help with you, Joe.
[00:44:01]  Bro, why'd you wear cowboy boots?
[00:44:03]  That would have fixed it.
[00:44:07]  Yo, what's her name?
[00:44:09]  Chelsea Clinton.
[00:44:10]  No, no.
[00:44:11]  Not Chelsea Clinton.
[00:44:12]  Hillary Clinton's fucking, whatever you said, that shit was good.
[00:44:16]  Al, I'm not going to front.
[00:44:18]  That was fucking good.
[00:44:20]  Also, you might have to educate some people, by the way.
[00:44:23]  What?
[00:44:23]  Because the Champions League happened this weekend.
[00:44:26]  Yeah.
[00:44:26]  A lot of people are curious, but you guys.
[00:44:27]  Great weekend, dude.
[00:44:28]  You have to educate.
[00:44:29]  Eventful.
[00:44:30]  I know everything about sager, but they want to know what you guys thought.
[00:44:32]  Tell them motherfuckers they disrespect Dua Lipa like that again.
[00:44:35]  We got a problem.
[00:44:36]  I'm going to fuck somebody up in Liverpool.
[00:44:39]  It wasn't a little bit of a nigga.
[00:44:40]  Yes, it was.
[00:44:40]  Yes, it was.
[00:44:41]  Camilla Caballo.
[00:44:42]  Same shit.
[00:44:43]  That's her nickname.
[00:44:44]  Yes, Dua Lipa is.
[00:44:46]  It's like Slim Shady and Eminem.
[00:44:47]  Boom.
[00:44:48]  Dua Lipa.
[00:44:49]  Dua Lipa.
[00:44:50]  You know that song?
[00:44:50]  She's like, Dua Lipa.
[00:44:51]  I'm trying to do more than her than Dua Features.
[00:44:53]  Uh-huh.
[00:44:54]  Yo, she got bars, bro.
[00:44:55]  That's my Camilla Caballo.
[00:44:56]  Caballo.
[00:44:57]  Camilla Caballo.
[00:44:59]  How many Spanish-sounding artists do we need, bro?
[00:45:03]  We got Dua Lipa.
[00:45:04]  We got BTS.
[00:45:08]  We got, come on, bunnies.
[00:45:11]  We got Bunny.
[00:45:11]  Oh, boo, Bunny.
[00:45:12]  Bad Bunny.
[00:45:13]  That's Dua Lipa, also known as Camilla Caballo.
[00:45:16]  Dua Lipa and Camilla Caballo never been seen.
[00:45:20]  Audience just cheering the whole time.
[00:45:21]  No, no, no.
[00:45:22]  Keep playing.
[00:45:22]  No, we can't play it.
[00:45:23]  We're going to get demonstrated.
[00:45:24]  We can cut it.
[00:45:25]  But what's the deal?
[00:45:27]  Al, is his hair messed up?
[00:45:28]  Face your hair.
[00:45:30]  Yo, when you pee, is there like something a button under here to let you.
[00:45:37]  Is that how it works or what?
[00:45:38]  Akash, what's up, bro?
[00:45:40]  You good?
[00:45:43]  Okay, God.
[00:45:45]  I hope you have the wide where Al is flipping his hair back and forth.
[00:45:49]  Do you have that in the wide?
[00:45:50]  I just did the worst cut in the world.
[00:45:52]  What was it?
[00:45:52]  You said, Akash, how you feeling?
[00:45:54]  I cut the Akash, and he's looking dejected.
[00:45:58]  That's perfect.
[00:45:59]  Good God.
[00:46:00]  We have a dog.
[00:46:06]  I fixed that to my nigga.
[00:46:09]  Then it is his dog.
[00:46:11]  Okay, so what happened in the Champions League?
[00:46:13]  Everything, bro.
[00:46:14]  Who's the champion?
[00:46:16]  Real Madrid.
[00:46:17]  Oh, look at that.
[00:46:18]  I knew that.
[00:46:18]  Akash knows all that.
[00:46:19]  They beat Liverpool.
[00:46:20]  Who's the best guy on Real Madrid?
[00:46:22]  Benzema, man.
[00:46:24]  I don't know.
[00:46:24]  He's still on the fucking team.
[00:46:26]  Benzema.
[00:46:27]  I thought it was really big.
[00:46:28]  I think Benzema is more of a system player.
[00:46:30]  I think the Real Madrid system is the star.
[00:46:32]  Or Courtois.
[00:46:33]  Nah, Courtois is soft.
[00:46:35]  Courtois overrated.
[00:46:36]  It was his game yesterday.
[00:46:37]  This guy wasn't saying his Courtois.
[00:46:39]  He wasn't even Man of the Match.
[00:46:40]  You know what I mean?
[00:46:41]  Courtois wasn't even Man of the Match.
[00:46:43]  Who was Man of the Match?
[00:46:44]  I don't know.
[00:46:45]  I'm guessing.
[00:46:46]  Nah, come on.
[00:46:47]  You was going shit.
[00:46:47]  Benzema?
[00:46:48]  Benz's mud?
[00:46:48]  Benza?
[00:46:49]  Benzema.
[00:46:50]  Benzema's mud.
[00:46:51]  Yeah.
[00:46:51]  Who got the golden boot?
[00:46:53]  They haven't decided yet.
[00:46:54]  For the match.
[00:46:55]  Nah, that's going to be.
[00:46:56]  It's going to be a bad thing.
[00:46:58]  Don't break your lips much.
[00:46:59]  What do you think of the game, though?
[00:47:00]  Stop looking at my lips, bro, in that outfit.
[00:47:02]  I'm not looking at your lips.
[00:47:03]  Get out of here, bro.
[00:47:04]  What'd you think of the game?
[00:47:05]  Al, get out of here.
[00:47:06]  Stop playing with me.
[00:47:07]  Rock Nation brunch outfits.
[00:47:10]  Stop teasing me, Al.
[00:47:12]  You're looking too cute in that fucking outfit, dog.
[00:47:15]  I'm loving all these powders.
[00:47:17]  You better chill out with that thing, bro.
[00:47:19]  I swear to God.
[00:47:20]  Fucking man spreading everything.
[00:47:21]  Yeah, right.
[00:47:22]  I saw Serena warming up for a tennis match match one time, bro.
[00:47:25]  She too be looking kind of brown, bro.
[00:47:30]  Say, I gotta turn it.
[00:47:31]  I gotta turn it.
[00:47:32]  I gotta make it in my favorite.
[00:47:34]  I gotta make it in my favor.
[00:47:35]  I don't care.
[00:47:38]  She did nothing, bro.
[00:47:40]  Okay, wait a minute, but talk that what'd you think about it?
[00:47:43]  Son, it was fire, bro.
[00:47:46]  Yeah, I think we all thought Liverpool had it.
[00:47:48]  You know what I mean?
[00:47:49]  And Real Madrid, man.
[00:47:50]  The fans were super dedicated.
[00:47:51]  They wanted to get in that stadium, arena, whatever.
[00:47:54]  Also, it was outdoors.
[00:47:55]  That's dope.
[00:47:56]  Yo, I didn't know that.
[00:47:57]  It was good weather.
[00:47:57]  The weather was a good one.
[00:47:58]  The weather was.
[00:47:58]  You know what's unique is that they played on grass.
[00:48:01]  That was an interesting element to the match out there.
[00:48:03]  That's true because sometimes they would kick the ball and it would slow down.
[00:48:06]  Son, it was crazy.
[00:48:07]  It would just stop rolling.
[00:48:08]  And then somebody got to run to it, kick it around, pit or patter.
[00:48:10]  Yeah, bro.
[00:48:11]  I've never seen a matching in my life.
[00:48:13]  No, dude, they can't.
[00:48:14]  It's the whole thing you got to play in a park.
[00:48:16]  You know what's crazy, though?
[00:48:17]  Wait, who's playing for the other team?
[00:48:20]  The Yankees.
[00:48:21]  Most a lot.
[00:48:22]  Oh, Most A lot.
[00:48:23]  Most a lot.
[00:48:24]  I know Moza.
[00:48:24]  Saudi Oman.
[00:48:26]  Yeah, that's Mark Family.
[00:48:26]  Oh, he's from Egypt, bro.
[00:48:28]  Yeah, come on, bro.
[00:48:29]  That's another player, Saudi Man.
[00:48:31]  I thought he said Saudi Arabia.
[00:48:33]  I was like, come on, bro.
[00:48:35]  My guy's racist.
[00:48:35]  Yeah, he is from Egypt.
[00:48:36]  No, but he's from Egypt.
[00:48:37]  Most a lot, man.
[00:48:38]  No, Moe is nice, bro.
[00:48:40]  Yes.
[00:48:40]  I like Mo Salah.
[00:48:42]  Look at you guys.
[00:48:42]  Is that the Indian dude who got killed?
[00:48:44]  Whoa.
[00:48:47]  Damn it.
[00:48:48]  He's, you know, similar.
[00:48:50]  What did you do to get killed, bro?
[00:48:51]  It was similar, similar.
[00:48:52]  Got shot, man.
[00:48:53]  Nobody knows what happened.
[00:48:54]  Where was it in?
[00:48:55]  He didn't put his job.
[00:48:56]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:48:56]  Oh, my God.
[00:48:57]  For what reason?
[00:48:59]  What reason?
[00:48:59]  Nobody knows.
[00:49:00]  He was running for office.
[00:49:02]  Maybe that had to do with it.
[00:49:03]  It had something to do with it.
[00:49:05]  It was fucking with him.
[00:49:06]  Say what?
[00:49:07]  Why was you fucking with him for Drake?
[00:49:09]  Say what?
[00:49:10]  Because Drake posted about him, so he got to pretend he knows.
[00:49:12]  You don't know nothing about it.
[00:49:13]  Alan Rollins would admit he's 36 or whatever the fuck.
[00:49:15]  Bro, did you 36?
[00:49:16]  Fuck out of here.
[00:49:19]  He's 35 for last time.
[00:49:23]  Yeah, you know who said that?
[00:49:24]  Old people.
[00:49:25]  Real talk.
[00:49:26]  Get a different outfit, son.
[00:49:29]  I'm a hater, bro.
[00:49:30]  I'm a hater, son.
[00:49:31]  I'm a hat.
[00:49:32]  I'm tight at this point.
[00:49:33]  The more he's drinking, stupid ass fucking out.
[00:49:36]  The jokes are just getting angry.
[00:49:38]  Just getting angry.
[00:49:40]  Hey, fuck off.
[00:49:44]  What's that dude on the train?
[00:49:48]  Oh, my God.
[00:49:50]  The dude on the train.
[00:49:51]  I sent this shit down.
[00:49:53]  Yo, yo, come on, let's go.
[00:49:55]  I got to go somewhere.
[00:49:56]  And the conductor comes back, like, we're at this station.
[00:49:58]  Yo, you suck my dick.
[00:49:59]  So I'm going to suck my dick.
[00:50:01]  Suck my dick.
[00:50:03]  Suck my dick.
[00:50:03]  Move the train.
[00:50:05]  Yo, this is important, bro.
[00:50:07]  Yeah, can we talk about the Mona Lisa?
[00:50:09]  Could I get a date on Friday?
[00:50:11]  And if you're busy.
[00:50:13]  We didn't finish.
[00:50:15]  I didn't even know it's fucking damn.
[00:50:16]  You don't remember that shit?
[00:50:17]  Mona Lisa.
[00:50:18]  Hey, Mona Lisa.
[00:50:18]  Could I get a date on Friday?
[00:50:20]  And if you're busy.
[00:50:21]  What?
[00:50:22]  I wouldn't mind.
[00:50:22]  Man, I don't know what he's saying.
[00:50:25]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:50:27]  You don't remember the Fuji?
[00:50:28]  We finished.
[00:50:28]  Is it the Fuji?
[00:50:29]  Soccer?
[00:50:30]  I don't think we're doing it.
[00:50:30]  Soccer?
[00:50:31]  Look, let me tell you about soccer, right?
[00:50:32]  Nah, it was a big match.
[00:50:33]  Soccer?
[00:50:34]  Nah, it was big.
[00:50:35]  It was huge.
[00:50:36]  They're called games, Alf.
[00:50:37]  I call them matches.
[00:50:37]  It was a big game.
[00:50:38]  It was a big game.
[00:50:39]  They was playing it, and they're out there.
[00:50:41]  It was a big game.
[00:50:42]  They didn't know shit.
[00:50:43]  The big game.
[00:50:43]  They call it the big game.
[00:50:44]  Son, it's not critic.
[00:50:45]  They call it the big game.
[00:50:47]  You call it critic?
[00:50:48]  Cricket.
[00:50:49]  Oh, cricket.
[00:50:50]  It's America's game is what it's called.
[00:50:52]  What, soccer?
[00:50:52]  Yeah.
[00:50:52]  No, no.
[00:50:53]  Listen, I'm with soccer.
[00:50:54]  I love the fact that they're out there like, oh, don't touch my hand.
[00:50:58]  I can't get my hands on the ball.
[00:51:00]  If my hands touch the ball, I'm a bad man.
[00:51:02]  They don't do that.
[00:51:03]  They do do that.
[00:51:04]  They do that a little bit.
[00:51:05]  This is a little bit.
[00:51:06]  When you would get to touch the ball on the sidelines when you get to throw it in, were you like, oh my God, that's feeling crazy?
[00:51:11]  Amazing.
[00:51:12]  Is that why you throw it?
[00:51:14]  But is that why you throw it with both?
[00:51:15]  Because you're like, I just want all my fingers touching it.
[00:51:17]  Like, it's just so exciting.
[00:51:18]  They hold it for a little longer.
[00:51:19]  Like, they don't have somebody to pass it to on his big ass fucking shit.
[00:51:22]  It takes more skill to use your feet.
[00:51:24]  It takes more skill to use your feet, you know?
[00:51:26]  Well, if you only use your feet, then no, it doesn't.
[00:51:28]  If you focus heavily on your feet, then that's it.
[00:51:30]  Have you seen them try to play basketball?
[00:51:31]  They look stupid.
[00:51:32]  No, we're good at basketball.
[00:51:33]  So our players are really good.
[00:51:34]  Y'all look like toxic feminists.
[00:51:37]  I played basketball with Akash.
[00:51:38]  I beat him and Tushar.
[00:51:39]  You really didn't at all, though.
[00:51:41]  He's a basketball.
[00:51:42]  Let's talk about this.
[00:51:43]  No, we did.
[00:51:44]  We played ball.
[00:51:44]  We played ball.
[00:51:45]  And Akash beats everyone.
[00:51:46]  Yes, bro.
[00:51:47]  He really did not.
[00:51:48]  But he's really bad.
[00:51:50]  It was like we pitied him.
[00:51:51]  We were like, good shot, buddy.
[00:51:54]  That seems more accurate.
[00:51:55]  I was about to say.
[00:51:58]  When he shoots, how hard is it back?
[00:52:00]  It's like, nobody shoots harder than Mark.
[00:52:02]  His shit is crazy, son.
[00:52:04]  If it got close to the hoop, I was like, no, good job.
[00:52:09]  It's hard to hit the rim.
[00:52:10]  You know what I mean?
[00:52:11]  It's like you took a little bit of a water on it and put the basketball there to fucking spider.
[00:52:16]  You want to know the crazy thing?
[00:52:16]  Is I asked Akash the same question.
[00:52:19]  Akash can.
[00:52:20]  I know.
[00:52:20]  I know.
[00:52:20]  I said, Akash, what are you aiming for?
[00:52:23]  Because you didn't understand.
[00:52:24]  Like, like, advice.
[00:52:25]  I was like, what is it?
[00:52:26]  We pulled Alice Sidon, and we were like, yo, I think Mark blind.
[00:52:29]  But I didn't think you were both eyes blind.
[00:52:30]  I thought your depth perception was off.
[00:52:33]  It might be.
[00:52:34]  I genuinely don't know.
[00:52:35]  Basketball is a tough game.
[00:52:36]  Did you have the same problem with soccer?
[00:52:39]  Yeah.
[00:52:39]  Yeah.
[00:52:40]  No, I was.
[00:52:41]  Nah, yeah.
[00:52:43]  I didn't want to bring it up.
[00:52:45]  I didn't really want to bring it up.
[00:52:49]  I was going to go pro.
[00:52:50]  I could have gone pro.
[00:52:51]  I could have gone pro.
[00:52:52]  No, you were good at soccer.
[00:52:54]  I could have gone pro.
[00:52:54]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:52:55]  But I chose to do comedy.
[00:52:56]  How much do they pay like a professional?
[00:53:00]  Like, what is this salary?
[00:53:05]  Like, just took a D for his career.
[00:53:13]  Like, what does it feel like knowing that you make more money than every soccer player in America?
[00:53:18]  What is that like?
[00:53:19]  No, I was going to go Europe, bro.
[00:53:20]  I could have been Ronaldo.
[00:53:21]  Wait, could you have actually played like a division?
[00:53:23]  No.
[00:53:24]  If anything, you could have played here.
[00:53:25]  Yeah.
[00:53:26]  I was looking at like D3, maybe D2.
[00:53:28]  Stop it.
[00:53:29]  You got an offer to play at your school.
[00:53:31]  Yeah, D2.
[00:53:32]  And then what happened?
[00:53:34]  I said, I'm good.
[00:53:35]  You didn't want to do it?
[00:53:36]  I didn't want to play my shit either.
[00:53:37]  Yeah.
[00:53:38]  Yeah.
[00:53:38]  Who's taking the offer?
[00:53:39]  I didn't get offered.
[00:53:43]  But I decided it was me.
[00:53:44]  It wasn't on them.
[00:53:46]  I was D1, but I decided.
[00:53:48]  But then I'll give them buckets in the three on three.
[00:53:49]  Would have gone fast and Nancy.
[00:53:51]  But you still have four years of eligibility.
[00:53:53]  What?
[00:53:53]  So I could run it back.
[00:53:54]  You could go back.
[00:53:56]  No, you should go back, bro.
[00:53:57]  UCSB.
[00:53:58]  Yeah, but you could go grad school.
[00:54:00]  You get out of there.
[00:54:01]  You and Steve Nash or whatever the fuck.
[00:54:02]  I'm Santa Clara.
[00:54:03]  God damn it.
[00:54:04]  Damn, tell you a college ball a little bit.
[00:54:06]  Think about that, bro.
[00:54:07]  You could go back, get another degree, study some other shit.
[00:54:10]  Who?
[00:54:10]  Four years.
[00:54:11]  Should I play soccer?
[00:54:12]  You also do that?
[00:54:13]  We were the college champs when I was there.
[00:54:15]  Yep.
[00:54:15]  Did you have anything to do with that?
[00:54:16]  Yeah.
[00:54:17]  What did you do?
[00:54:18]  Cheerleader on the side.
[00:54:20]  No, bro.
[00:54:20]  I was out there stealing there, bitches.
[00:54:23]  You could have been a good man.
[00:54:24]  I made a good focus, bro.
[00:54:25]  You've been a good keeper.
[00:54:26]  Why do you say that?
[00:54:27]  You look like every European goalkeeper.

=== Crypto Needs Covered (05:48) ===

[00:54:28]  Why do you say that?
[00:54:29]  Because I'm pale and I'm white.
[00:54:30]  And also because I'm nose.
[00:54:33]  I get tagged in a picture a week of just some real goalkeeper.
[00:54:36]  Literally, every old person that showed up at Ellis Island, that's me.
[00:54:41]  Every soccer player that's not handsome, that's famous, that's me.
[00:54:47]  Like, nobody ever tags me in Ronaldo.
[00:54:49]  Nah, you look like a lot of people, bro.
[00:54:51]  Honestly, Richie, you look like a lot of people.
[00:54:54]  You got a good wingspan.
[00:54:55]  I do have a good wingspan.
[00:54:56]  That one's actually in the yellow shirt, especially.
[00:54:59]  Go back to the hell you guys.
[00:55:01]  Go back to that one where he's in the middle of the Franks and Beans.
[00:55:04]  Yeah, bro.
[00:55:04]  You look good in all these.
[00:55:05]  Look at that.
[00:55:06]  Oh, he was the hero of the match, bro.
[00:55:07]  That's me right there.
[00:55:09]  Who's the hero of the match?
[00:55:10]  Courtois.
[00:55:10]  Courtois.
[00:55:11]  Oh, the goalie.
[00:55:12]  Yes.
[00:55:13]  Son.
[00:55:13]  Lampart.
[00:55:14]  I know him.
[00:55:16]  Okay.
[00:55:17]  Do you know what I mean?
[00:55:17]  Alvez.
[00:55:18]  Yes.
[00:55:18]  Diego Sanchez.
[00:55:20]  Who do you think's got it next year?
[00:55:21]  Who's your favorite team?
[00:55:22]  I think FC Moscow, bro.
[00:55:31]  I think SC Moscow about to take it, bro.
[00:55:33]  Yeah, they could take it.
[00:55:34]  That's a good point.
[00:55:35]  World Cup time, we all got to take teams.
[00:55:37]  Who won?
[00:55:37]  The World Cup?
[00:55:38]  Nah, that's championship.
[00:55:40]  Oh, Realmadrip.
[00:55:41]  Told you, bro.
[00:55:41]  I know, bro.
[00:55:42]  Yeah.
[00:55:42]  All right.
[00:55:43]  What was the final score?
[00:55:44]  1-0.
[00:55:45]  1-0.
[00:55:46]  That's what that's.
[00:55:47]  He doesn't know any lingos.
[00:55:48]  I don't know.
[00:55:50]  Miles.
[00:55:50]  This guy don't think about it.
[00:55:52]  Don't you like it?
[00:55:53]  Translate for me.
[00:55:54]  Translate for you guys.
[00:55:55]  I feel like Football.
[00:55:56]  Don't you like Football?
[00:55:58]  Yes, I do.
[00:56:00]  This guy, bro.
[00:56:01]  This guy got it.
[00:56:02]  The more he says that, the more I hate his outfit.
[00:56:05]  Fuck his outfit.
[00:56:06]  No, no, but.
[00:56:07]  I got no jokes for it, but fuck his outfit.
[00:56:09]  Y'all got nice arms, bro.
[00:56:10]  I ain't going front, bro.
[00:56:12]  You got nice arms.
[00:56:13]  Yeah, shit legs, nice up top.
[00:56:15]  It's a trade-off.
[00:56:16]  I didn't say you're a whole up top, bro.
[00:56:18]  Yeah, he said arms specifically.
[00:56:19]  Your torso's trash.
[00:56:22]  In three weeks, me and him will both kill him, right?
[00:56:24]  I'll take a bush.
[00:56:25]  No, I don't trust you in three weeks because you're some crazy motherfuckers.
[00:56:28]  You do liquid dying.
[00:56:29]  I'll do anything.
[00:56:29]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:56:30]  In three weeks, we got him.
[00:56:34]  I'll do a calf raising competition with you.
[00:56:38]  How do we measure this?
[00:56:40]  I go crazy for a best.
[00:56:43]  You tell me what we got to do.
[00:56:45]  I'm going to do it, bro.
[00:56:47]  What do we got to do?
[00:56:47]  Switch foot in this man.
[00:56:48]  You see that?
[00:56:50]  How are we going to measure it?
[00:56:50]  Yeah.
[00:56:51]  We got very much to go to.
[00:56:53]  How are we doing?
[00:56:54]  So it's just competition.
[00:56:55]  That's what motivates you.
[00:56:56]  Yeah.
[00:56:56]  100%.
[00:56:57]  Yeah, but it has to be agreed on competition.
[00:57:00]  I bet you can't clown your outfit, son.
[00:57:04]  I bet you can't.
[00:57:05]  I just don't have to agree with that.
[00:57:06]  And then I'm like, yeah, whatever.
[00:57:07]  Oh, you have to actually have like skin in the game.
[00:57:10]  Yes.
[00:57:11]  All right, guys.
[00:57:12]  All right, guys.
[00:57:12]  We're going to take a break for a second because you know those times when you're so into what you're doing, you can't think about anything else.
[00:57:18]  Psychologists call that feeling being in the zone, the flow state, okay?
[00:57:24]  You ever beat in your dang-a-lang and that's the only thing you could think about?
[00:57:28]  Pump, pump, squeeze, pump, pump, squeeze.
[00:57:32]  There is something you could take to bring you to that level of alpha all types of day.
[00:57:38]  Choke you up.
[00:57:40]  It's called Alpha Brain.
[00:57:42]  Alpha Brain from Onit is the ultimate way to get there.
[00:57:45]  A world-renowned nootropic supplement with over 1 million bottles sold.
[00:57:49]  Alpha Brain promotes cognitive functions, including memory, mental speed, and focus.
[00:57:54]  It can help you remember names, zero in on complex tasks, and think more clearly and focus under stress.
[00:58:01]  My boy Joe Rogan says he feels that it helps him form better sentences when he's talking.
[00:58:07]  I'm not going to lie, Joe has told me off camera.
[00:58:10]  He believes his ability to recall things comes from the alpha brain.
[00:58:14]  Okay.
[00:58:14]  If coffee and energy drinks make you jittery, yes, they do.
[00:58:17]  You can rest easy knowing Alpha Brain is caffeine-free.
[00:58:20]  No caffeine, just straight alpha for your brain.
[00:58:24]  But if for any reason you don't like Alpha Brain, get this.
[00:58:27]  You can get your money back.
[00:58:28]  That's how cocky they are.
[00:58:30]  Just give them two weeks.
[00:58:32]  If at any point you don't think that Alpha Brain is a fit for you, just tell them.
[00:58:37]  They're going to refund you your money on the spot.
[00:58:40]  No return necessary.
[00:58:42]  They're basically saying, try me.
[00:58:43]  They believe in their shit so much, like, try me.
[00:58:45]  And right now, you're going to save 10% off your order by going to onit.com, O-N-N-I-T.com slash flagrant.
[00:58:52]  That's 10% off.
[00:58:53]  They know you're going to love it.
[00:58:54]  They know your brain's going to be on alpha.
[00:58:56]  Your girl's going to be drippy, wet, soaked.
[00:59:00]  Onit.com slash flagrant.
[00:59:02]  Let's get back to this.
[00:59:03]  All right, guys, we're going to stop for a second because I got to tell you about this company, Exodus, is no longer advertising with us, but this is their last pay that.
[00:59:10]  Listen, the crypto markets are tanking, and that is taking a toll on these companies that serve you for your crypto needs.
[00:59:19]  Exodus has been absolutely killing it.
[00:59:21]  They can't afford to advertise anymore because the markets are down.
[00:59:24]  But we know about crypto.
[00:59:25]  That shit is going to come back up.
[00:59:27]  So I think what we should do is double down on Exodus.
[00:59:30]  Simple as that.
[00:59:31]  They got everything you need for your crypto needs.
[00:59:35]  Okay, if there's blood in the streets, we buy motherfuckers.
[00:59:38]  We not worried.
[00:59:39]  Exodus has got your needs covered for everything crypto.
[00:59:43]  Nfts, do they have any value now?
[00:59:45]  No.
[00:59:46]  But you could store them at Exodus.
[00:59:48]  Other cryptos, they got 150 different crypto assets that you could buy.
[00:59:52]  You could also stake cryptocurrency over there.
[00:59:55]  You could do everything.
[00:59:56]  You could even take that wallet that you got online, yank it, carry it around with you.
[01:00:01]  Flex on these hoes.
[01:00:02]  Show them your crypto wallet.
[01:00:03]  Get a cock suck.
[01:00:05]  Exodus is the best motherfucking crypto thing on the internet and on not the internet because you can snatch your crypto, take it off the internet, put it on a keychain.

=== Bitcoin Perception Matters (10:13) ===

[01:00:16]  Sluts.
[01:00:17]  Do what you got to do, but do it with Exodus.
[01:00:20]  You could get started at exodus.com slash zero.
[01:00:23]  Z-E-R-O.
[01:00:25]  You could have a zero fee promotion.
[01:00:27]  We're not charging fees right now.
[01:00:30]  That's good.
[01:00:32]  You should probably buy something over there.
[01:00:34]  Go to Exodus, E-X-O-D-U-S dot com slash zero.
[01:00:38]  You're going to get that zero free fee promotion and you're going to buy the blood.
[01:00:43]  Mark, do you have something to share with us about the Mona Lisa?
[01:00:46]  Very important thing, okay?
[01:00:47]  The Mona Lisa over the weekend got defaced.
[01:00:49]  Bitch deserve it by a vandal.
[01:00:52]  What took so long?
[01:00:53]  Smash cake all over it.
[01:00:54]  But it's, it's, I mean, you guys have seen the Mona Lisa.
[01:00:57]  Obviously, you know, you're not poor.
[01:01:00]  You're not uncultured swine.
[01:01:02]  Yes.
[01:01:03]  No, no.
[01:01:04]  It's cool that all of us here have seen it in prison.
[01:01:07]  We're very lucky.
[01:01:08]  Yeah.
[01:01:08]  Now, question.
[01:01:11]  You know that it's behind a glass case.
[01:01:13]  Yes.
[01:01:15]  It's kind of shocking that all art isn't.
[01:01:20]  Yeah.
[01:01:20]  Yeah.
[01:01:21]  Given the price, right?
[01:01:22]  Yeah.
[01:01:22]  Just one guy there getting paid eight bucks.
[01:01:24]  He's like, hey, don't touch that.
[01:01:25]  Yeah.
[01:01:26]  They got a little rope.
[01:01:27]  Priceless Jackson Pollock.
[01:01:29]  Son, Logan Paul got a glass case on a Pokemon card.
[01:01:33]  But a fucking, I mean, this is, there are, there are paintings out there that are from, I mean, if you go to the Louvre, it's nuts.
[01:01:40]  Like there are some like amazing things that was ready for you to destroy.
[01:01:46]  And people have done it.
[01:01:48]  I think there are people who like went into museums, like started.
[01:01:51]  Slashing.
[01:01:52]  Yeah, like you're slashing paintings, but also like destroying the statues, right?
[01:01:55]  Wasn't that like a big thing?
[01:01:56]  I've never seen that with this.
[01:01:57]  No, that happened in America with all the Confederacy shit.
[01:01:59]  Yeah.
[01:02:00]  Yeah, they took down our, or those statues.
[01:02:03]  Yeah.
[01:02:05]  They took down those crazy statues that everyone hates.
[01:02:07]  By the way, you do know the color scheme of your shirt as well.
[01:02:10]  Yeah.
[01:02:10]  Yeah, red, white, and blue, baby.
[01:02:11]  Let's go.
[01:02:12]  Memorial Day, dog.
[01:02:13]  Robert E. Lee didn't believe in it.
[01:02:15]  Like he was against it.
[01:02:16]  He was educating the North.
[01:02:17]  He just had to do it.
[01:02:19]  Exactly.
[01:02:19]  Like, he went to West Point and everything, right?
[01:02:21]  Yeah.
[01:02:21]  He was actually a Northern Defense.
[01:02:23]  He wanted to unite the whole country.
[01:02:25]  Well, no, he believed in freedom.
[01:02:26]  You know what I mean?
[01:02:27]  More than that other stuff.
[01:02:28]  Yes, exactly.
[01:02:29]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:02:29]  Everyone's got a bad past, Dove.
[01:02:31]  Exactly, right?
[01:02:32]  Jeez.
[01:02:33]  Let's be serious.
[01:02:33]  I'm not sure if I can do it.
[01:02:34]  Who is the president of the Confederacy?
[01:02:37]  What?
[01:02:37]  Who's the president of the Confederacy?
[01:02:39]  Benzema.
[01:02:42]  I think it was Karim Benzema.
[01:02:45]  Karim Benzema.
[01:02:47]  That's his name, bro.
[01:02:48]  Who was it?
[01:02:49]  Jeffrey Finnis Davis.
[01:02:51]  Davis.
[01:02:52]  Jefferson Davis.
[01:02:54]  Jefferson Davis.
[01:02:55]  What did she say?
[01:02:56]  Jeffrey Davis?
[01:02:57]  Jefferson Finnis Davis?
[01:02:59]  Yeah, Jefferson Davis.
[01:03:00]  Okay.
[01:03:00]  So what do we think about this Mona Lisa?
[01:03:03]  Can I get a date on Friday being to face?
[01:03:06]  One, old white women can get away with anything.
[01:03:08]  Well, it actually wasn't.
[01:03:09]  That was a woman.
[01:03:10]  It was something.
[01:03:11]  It was a guy dressed as an old woman.
[01:03:12]  A guy dressed as an old woman.
[01:03:14]  No, because he knew.
[01:03:15]  He knew.
[01:03:15]  He went home as Delphi, smashed that shit.
[01:03:18]  Yeah.
[01:03:18]  And did he get away with it?
[01:03:20]  I mean, what are you going to do?
[01:03:21]  Got arrested.
[01:03:22]  But like, what are they, like, what is the crime for putting whipped cream on glass?
[01:03:30]  He was trying to destroy it, though.
[01:03:31]  So it's just on the glass, though.
[01:03:33]  She's on the glass.
[01:03:34]  Someone's gonna clean it later that night.
[01:03:36]  It's Windex.
[01:03:37]  Yeah.
[01:03:38]  Make him clean it.
[01:03:40]  He didn't deface the Mona Lisa.
[01:03:41]  He defaced a glass.
[01:03:42]  Yeah, the glass in front of the monolith.
[01:03:43]  I can't believe this is a story.
[01:03:44]  I'm not counting at you.
[01:03:45]  I'm thinking non-story.
[01:03:47]  Talk that shit.
[01:03:48]  Why are they making a fucking big deal about glass getting whipped cream on it?
[01:03:51]  Damn.
[01:03:52]  Imagine you're sitting inside your car and some guy walks up and he goes, yo, Ah gosh, I fucking hate you.
[01:03:56]  And then throws a pie at the car.
[01:03:58]  Now, was I going to pay somebody?
[01:04:00]  Exactly.
[01:04:01]  But the fact that he was trying to hurt you makes that you get cursed out.
[01:04:05]  But I don't know if it's like you go to jail for that or if it's a national news story.
[01:04:09]  Not to mention in New York, you guys probably weren't driving in New York for this, but like when we were growing up, motherfuckers would just walk up to your car and like clean it.
[01:04:16]  Oh, yeah.
[01:04:17]  By putting the garbage on it or whatever the fuck that was.
[01:04:19]  Like soap.
[01:04:20]  That shit worked though.
[01:04:21]  Did it really?
[01:04:21]  Yeah, that shit cleaned the fuck out of you when she actually let them clean your shit.
[01:04:24]  I would never let them touch, bro.
[01:04:25]  You never let them touch this shit, bro.
[01:04:27]  Nah, nah.
[01:04:27]  Once they touch, you gotta pay.
[01:04:30]  Yeah.
[01:04:32]  What's a dollar?
[01:04:33]  You think his Indian ass is tipping a motherfucker?
[01:04:37]  One time a guy did do it against my will, and I was just like, I'm not paying.
[01:04:39]  And then I drove off like a real bitch.
[01:04:42]  But I was like, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't.
[01:04:43]  And then he just kept doing it.
[01:04:45]  And I was like, what do you want from me, man?
[01:04:46]  He probably saw you.
[01:04:47]  He's like, yeah, I could get up.
[01:04:49]  Yeah, you guilt me into it.
[01:04:50]  I ain't no bitch.
[01:04:51]  Not with the windows up and the doors locked.
[01:04:54]  Motherfucker.
[01:04:55]  Must not know me.
[01:04:56]  I'm a thug with the windows up and the door locked.
[01:04:59]  You out here dripping.
[01:05:00]  You're what I mean, bro.
[01:05:01]  I got a reputation out here.
[01:05:03]  I got a repia carnival.
[01:05:08]  As long as the child safety locks are on, I'm in good shape.
[01:05:10]  When you got this minivan, bro.
[01:05:11]  Huh?
[01:05:12]  You got to prove the people wrong.
[01:05:13]  When you get this minivan, son, whenever.
[01:05:15]  What you mean?
[01:05:16]  Actually, I take that back.
[01:05:17]  When I move out of New York, when I move out, possibly.
[01:05:20]  Hold on, hold on.
[01:05:21]  Yo, we're going to lock you to this.
[01:05:22]  We're going to lock you up.
[01:05:22]  No, wait.
[01:05:23]  When you get married, yo, whenever, bro.
[01:05:25]  I said it hit you.
[01:05:26]  The possibly baby.
[01:05:27]  I'll get the Kia when you get married.
[01:05:29]  Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[01:05:31]  See how that flipped?
[01:05:34]  Bitch, motherfucker.
[01:05:36]  Try me again.
[01:05:37]  Look at your listen, Al.
[01:05:41]  Good job.
[01:05:41]  Wait a minute.
[01:05:42]  That is a good idea.
[01:05:43]  Yeah.
[01:05:44]  If you ain't give to you, I'll get a Kia minivan.
[01:05:47]  Wait, wait, wait, wait.
[01:05:47]  But that's never going to happen.
[01:05:49]  If you move out the city to the next place you live, guaranteed Kia Carnival.
[01:05:56]  Son, I don't even want to do this to you because I know that you're so fucking stupid.
[01:06:00]  You're actually going to buy this car.
[01:06:01]  It's such a great car.
[01:06:02]  No, no, I believe it's great.
[01:06:03]  I do believe it's great.
[01:06:04]  And I believe it's functional.
[01:06:05]  Hyundai has another minivan coming out.
[01:06:07]  Somebody tagged me and they said, there's a collection brand.
[01:06:10]  Yo, use old, reused parts.
[01:06:12]  What's wrong with that?
[01:06:13]  What's wrong with that?
[01:06:15]  Can I say one thing about that?
[01:06:16]  It's not Burlington Car Factory, motherfucker.
[01:06:18]  I think it is, but I think what's wrong with using old parts, dude?
[01:06:22]  That was one of those weird times where that was a really good pun.
[01:06:26]  And I don't know why it didn't work as well as it did, but that was fucking good.
[01:06:30]  I thought it was great.
[01:06:31]  Burlington Car Factory is good.
[01:06:33]  Thank you, dog.
[01:06:34]  That deserved more, dog.
[01:06:35]  Yeah, thank you, man.
[01:06:36]  Yeah, I should have given more.
[01:06:37]  Yeah.
[01:06:39]  That deserved more from me.
[01:06:40]  You're a piece of shit.
[01:06:41]  I am a piece of shit.
[01:06:42]  I was just looking at the Rorschach test phone out of the shirt.
[01:06:50]  Okay.
[01:06:50]  But why don't you get oh, okay, that was it.
[01:06:53]  The Kia thing.
[01:06:54]  Have you guys seen the new branding for Kia?
[01:06:57]  It's like their electric car.
[01:06:59]  No.
[01:07:00]  Oh, there's an electric minivan.
[01:07:01]  So it's not a minivan.
[01:07:02]  It's not a minivan.
[01:07:02]  It's like kind of like almost SUV type.
[01:07:04]  Kia.
[01:07:06]  Fuck is it Kia?
[01:07:07]  Hyundai Ionic 5 just came out.
[01:07:09]  What is it?
[01:07:09]  The Hyundai Ionic 5 just came out.
[01:07:12]  Yo, the new Kia branding is kind of sick.
[01:07:14]  Yeah, Kia and Hyundai are coming up.
[01:07:16]  Doesn't it look like almost 3Ks?
[01:07:17]  What's that she now, Al?
[01:07:19]  God damn it.
[01:07:20]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:07:21]  What's going on, Doug?
[01:07:22]  What's happening?
[01:07:22]  Doesn't it look like 3K?
[01:07:24]  What are you talking about?
[01:07:24]  What are you talking about?
[01:07:25]  That shit is new.
[01:07:27]  Suicide doors.
[01:07:28]  That shit is sick.
[01:07:29]  That's no answer.
[01:07:29]  I don't know if that's suicide.
[01:07:30]  It's definitely not.
[01:07:31]  No, that's suicide.
[01:07:32]  That shit opens you want to kill yourself.
[01:07:34]  That's what I call it.
[01:07:35]  Catch your car.
[01:07:36]  You drive it up a clear drive.
[01:07:38]  Kia might be on it, bro.
[01:07:40]  Bruh.
[01:07:40]  Why don't you look at that shit right there?
[01:07:41]  Whatever that shit.
[01:07:42]  No, that's sick.
[01:07:43]  Kia, bro.
[01:07:44]  That's sick.
[01:07:44]  That could be right next to my minivan.
[01:07:47]  So are you going to have a collection of the worst cars?
[01:07:49]  Well, you just said that was a nice car to trick you to have fun, bro.
[01:07:55]  I love that.
[01:07:56]  Move beyond that.
[01:07:58]  Is there no car that, let's say, for example.
[01:08:00]  Can't you have both?
[01:08:01]  Can't you have a sick-ass car and a minivan for practical purposes?
[01:08:04]  Can't you have an impractical car?
[01:08:06]  A practical car?
[01:08:07]  Can I ask you one question?
[01:08:09]  What do you need to be practical about?
[01:08:10]  You're putting money every week into imaginary coins.
[01:08:13]  It's all imaginary.
[01:08:15]  Dollars are imaginary.
[01:08:16]  Cars are not imaginary.
[01:08:17]  Yeah, but dollars are imaginary.
[01:08:18]  No, no.
[01:08:19]  Stocks are imaginary.
[01:08:19]  It's all fucking things.
[01:08:20]  No, they're not.
[01:08:21]  Stocks are not.
[01:08:23]  ATT is a real combination.
[01:08:24]  Yeah, but the price is based simply on what I perceive it.
[01:08:27]  No, it's not.
[01:08:28]  It's based on how much revenue comes in every single year.
[01:08:31]  No, no, that's absolutely wrong.
[01:08:32]  You're talking about games.
[01:08:32]  Amazon went up.
[01:08:34]  Amazon for years went up and it was not profitable because people believed in Amazon.
[01:08:38]  And they were right.
[01:08:39]  They were right.
[01:08:40]  Back up on that.
[01:08:41]  Amazon wasn't profitable.
[01:08:43]  Amazon was not profitable, but the stock price kept rising.
[01:08:45]  This is like 2005.
[01:08:47]  I remember my finance professor telling us all the time.
[01:08:49]  It's funny that I'm putting all in Bitcoin with finance professor.
[01:08:52]  But he was like, it doesn't matter what the company makes.
[01:08:55]  It matters what people think the company will be worth.
[01:08:58]  The stock will be worth.
[01:09:00]  The stock market is just based on what you think it'll be worth.
[01:09:02]  Yeah, that makes sense.
[01:09:02]  But like a positive trajectory for a company would be like acquisition of users.
[01:09:07]  So maybe Amazon's acquisition of users was going way up and they were eating up new market share in this new space.
[01:09:14]  So you're betting on that.
[01:09:16]  You say the same thing about Bitcoin.
[01:09:17]  People keep buying into Bitcoin.
[01:09:18]  People keep believing.
[01:09:19]  Countries keep adopting.
[01:09:20]  We also have to.
[01:09:22]  I'm in on Bitcoin too.
[01:09:23]  Like I have it, right?
[01:09:24]  So I'm not bullshitting.
[01:09:25]  I'm not just like a hater from the outside.
[01:09:26]  I'm also invested, right?
[01:09:28]  But there is a fundamental difference between a company that generates revenue and something that we all just believe in.
[01:09:34]  Pokemon cards are Bitcoin.
[01:09:36]  So baseball cards or sneakers to a certain extent.
[01:09:39]  You know, you can even say like watches.
[01:09:41]  Yes.
[01:09:43]  A watch itself value is really what we believe.
[01:09:45]  It's all perception.
[01:09:46]  But the company that makes the watches, if it has revenue increasing or more users, you can be like, oh, this company is profitable.
[01:09:53]  Yes.
[01:09:53]  So that's, there isn't, you can't say that Amazon is the same as Bitcoin.
[01:09:56]  I'm not saying it's the same, but I'm saying it's all perception at the end of the day.
[01:09:59]  Perception matters.
[01:10:00]  Yes.
[01:10:01]  Maybe it matters more.
[01:10:02]  It matters more for Bitcoin than it's other shit.
[01:10:04]  It's more perception based with Bitcoin than it is stocks, but it's still perception.
[01:10:09]  Right, right, right, right.
[01:10:12]  Okay, so like when you guys make your first $10,000, I want you guys to do like when you guys, you're going to put it into a Roth IRL.
[01:10:22]  And then?
[01:10:22]  And then you're just going to let it sit there.
[01:10:25]  Al's going to put his money into a car.
[01:10:27]  That's why he's sitting here.

=== Cutting the Podcast Short (15:43) ===

[01:10:30]  Al, what's your first car going to be?
[01:10:33]  He's got a Tesla.
[01:10:34]  No, I mean, like a grown up, like when you grown up.
[01:10:38]  I mean, I am not a fake Porsche.
[01:10:41]  He took our first car.
[01:10:43]  Let me tell you, he gets very defensive if you write.
[01:10:46]  I'm sorry, my bad.
[01:10:47]  He starts swinging.
[01:10:48]  Be ready.
[01:10:48]  A Volkswagen.
[01:10:49]  My bad.
[01:10:50]  Hold up.
[01:10:51]  That was wild for you to go at him.
[01:10:53]  That's the easiest price.
[01:10:55]  Come on, Don't Stay in Tiger.
[01:10:57]  You lift your arms down.
[01:10:58]  You lift your hands down.
[01:10:59]  You got fake hair.
[01:10:59]  You fucking shirt fake.
[01:11:01]  You fuck you out.
[01:11:02]  You don't know everything about you.
[01:11:04]  You're not even that fan.
[01:11:06]  You get spray tans every week.
[01:11:07]  Fuck you.
[01:11:08]  Son of a bitch.
[01:11:09]  You're not enjoying your glasses.
[01:11:11]  You actually have a bigger prescription.
[01:11:17]  Fuck, I did walk into that one, didn't I?
[01:11:19]  That was on you.
[01:11:19]  That was on you, bro.
[01:11:20]  I was thinking like your car for the future.
[01:11:24]  This is the car that you've always wanted, but now you want some other shit.
[01:11:28]  Not really.
[01:11:28]  Tesla's always been my thing.
[01:11:30]  This is the car you've always wanted forever.
[01:11:31]  There's no other card.
[01:11:32]  Probably get maybe the silence.
[01:11:35]  I'll probably get that.
[01:11:37]  What?
[01:11:37]  No, I'll probably get like money.
[01:11:38]  Get the roast real roadster match.
[01:11:41]  But he'll always stay in Tesla.
[01:11:42]  Yeah, you're going to stay Tesla and then maybe get a real vintage cart.
[01:11:45]  Just say.
[01:11:47]  That was he taking a shot.
[01:11:48]  I didn't take a shot.
[01:11:49]  That was him taking shots.
[01:11:51]  So just not laughing.
[01:11:56]  We're not doing this.
[01:11:57]  We always thought there would be a laugh.
[01:11:58]  We're not going to come.
[01:12:00]  That was just me.
[01:12:02]  You tried to roast me.
[01:12:04]  I was fouled.
[01:12:05]  I was like, whoa.
[01:12:06]  Why can't he just blow up by himself?
[01:12:07]  He tried to bring you in the face to find us.
[01:12:10]  If the key to your apartment is still flat, if the key to your apartment is a fucking Metro card, I don't want to hear shit.
[01:12:16]  I'm mad about the Mona Lisa thing, bro.
[01:12:18]  Why would they ruin the perfect good cake?
[01:12:20]  You know what I mean?
[01:12:22]  My God.
[01:12:24]  Oh, my God.
[01:12:25]  Yeah, Miles.
[01:12:26]  I'll switch.
[01:12:29]  Miles, you gotta say.
[01:12:31]  I'll switch.
[01:12:34]  I'm glad they forgot about you.
[01:12:37]  Go there.
[01:12:39]  I need to watch over him.
[01:12:41]  I need to watch over him.
[01:12:42]  Yo, rip those tags, too.
[01:12:43]  You can rip those.
[01:12:45]  Stay right here.
[01:12:46]  Stay right here.
[01:12:47]  What happened?
[01:12:48]  Terry, listen.
[01:12:49]  What was that?
[01:12:49]  Come here.
[01:12:50]  Blitz and what was that?
[01:12:53]  Come on, Save.
[01:12:54]  Take your Bible.
[01:12:55]  Hey, Mark.
[01:12:57]  Thank you so much for getting me out of there.
[01:12:59]  Thank you so much.
[01:13:00]  Yo, doesn't the worst joke of the video?
[01:13:02]  No, Do not fail him out.
[01:13:05]  That joke was hard.
[01:13:06]  It was so bad.
[01:13:07]  What was the joke?
[01:13:08]  I blocked it out.
[01:13:09]  Because I didn't want it to make it.
[01:13:10]  He was mad they wasted cake.
[01:13:12]  He was calling Dubb fat.
[01:13:16]  That's a good joke.
[01:13:16]  It just took so long, bro.
[01:13:18]  He's not even a big eater, though.
[01:13:20]  I'm also not fat.
[01:13:21]  He's the one that's eating.
[01:13:22]  No, no, no, no.
[01:13:23]  Don't, don't do it because you are fat.
[01:13:24]  Take off your shit.
[01:13:25]  Objectively speaking.
[01:13:26]  Mark, take off your head.
[01:13:26]  Objectively speaking.
[01:13:27]  Stop it.
[01:13:28]  We got Mark against the ropes.
[01:13:30]  We got to get back home, Mark.
[01:13:31]  We got to get back home, Mark.
[01:13:32]  This is about Month.
[01:13:33]  You relax.
[01:13:34]  Does he eat cake or not?
[01:13:36]  Does he eat cake or not?
[01:13:39]  You're talking to the turtle point right there.
[01:13:41]  That's not cute.
[01:13:43]  If he eats cake, if he eats cake is a good joke.
[01:13:46]  Does he eat cake or not?
[01:13:47]  Not like Andrew eats cake.
[01:13:48]  Wait, why were we coming at me?
[01:13:50]  I'm not trying to make fun of you.
[01:13:51]  Can we have a truce?
[01:13:52]  You're built like a corn muffin.
[01:13:53]  Kill you of a truce.
[01:13:54]  Can we have a truce or built like a corn muffin?
[01:13:56]  You look like a corn muffin.
[01:13:57]  Can we have a truce?
[01:13:57]  Cornbuffs are delicious.
[01:13:58]  Corn muffins are delicious.
[01:13:59]  Honestly.
[01:14:00]  Add some ambers to his lighting right here.
[01:14:02]  He's shining off of this.
[01:14:05]  Hey, guys, let's focus.
[01:14:07]  Yes.
[01:14:08]  Mark.
[01:14:08]  Okay, go, Yes, exactly.
[01:14:10]  Get him.
[01:14:11]  If Dub eats cake, it's a good joke.
[01:14:13]  Wait, what was the joke?
[01:14:15]  What?
[01:14:15]  Is there an explanation here?
[01:14:16]  Is there like a breakdown of it or something like that?
[01:14:19]  We have like a triangle offense or something like that.
[01:14:22]  Where's the science behind that show?
[01:14:24]  Carry the two.
[01:14:25]  Say again?
[01:14:26]  Shut the fuck up, okay.
[01:14:28]  Fuck it.
[01:14:29]  No twos here.
[01:14:30]  We dropped the two.
[01:14:31]  Okay, listen.
[01:14:32]  Okay.
[01:14:32]  Listen, I want to get back to whatever the fuck got us here, which was.
[01:14:38]  Yo, while we're making fun of Joke Bauman for Mark, he opened for me in Tacoma.
[01:14:43]  And I'm like, yo, he's hosting first show.
[01:14:46]  I'd be forgetting, yo.
[01:14:47]  I'll be forgetting.
[01:14:48]  He's hosting first show.
[01:14:49]  I'm like, hey, just have fun.
[01:14:50]  I don't care how it goes.
[01:14:51]  I just want to know you have funny talking to me.
[01:14:53]  You better than me.
[01:14:56]  He walks out there.
[01:14:58]  And then I don't hear anything.
[01:14:59]  I hear silence.
[01:15:00]  I hear Mark come go out.
[01:15:02]  And then he's like, hey, what's up, guys?
[01:15:03]  You're black.
[01:15:04]  Let's fat-like.
[01:15:05]  And that's just the opening fucking day.
[01:15:08]  He's in Washington.
[01:15:09]  He's comfortable.
[01:15:09]  It's like, finally, finally.
[01:15:12]  I was like, bruh, this is what's fun for you?
[01:15:15]  I said, have fun.
[01:15:16]  This is how you open?
[01:15:18]  Hey, you're blank.
[01:15:19]  Let's talk about it.
[01:15:19]  Did it work out?
[01:15:20]  No.
[01:15:21]  It did for me.
[01:15:22]  Dead silent.
[01:15:23]  Dead silent.
[01:15:24]  He dug himself into a four-minute hole.
[01:15:27]  He worked his way out.
[01:15:29]  But that dude was a hole.
[01:15:30]  That's all I do.
[01:15:31]  Comedy is like, you know, you got to put yourself in a hole to get out, you know?
[01:15:34]  It's like, it's more.
[01:15:35]  There was no joke behind it.
[01:15:36]  There was no clever lines.
[01:15:38]  I love a race joke.
[01:15:39]  No, it's just got to be a joke.
[01:15:40]  You're living to this.
[01:15:41]  All white people are like, damn, a lot of white people.
[01:15:43]  I didn't know they had black people here.
[01:15:45]  I don't even think you said that.
[01:15:46]  Did you say that?
[01:15:46]  Which is also, which is also not the most original joke, to be honest with you.
[01:15:51]  Oh, yeah, no, I don't know.
[01:15:52]  But you didn't even say that.
[01:15:53]  You were just like, hey, you're black.
[01:15:54]  We're talking about it.
[01:15:55]  All these people are like, damn, I didn't know they got black.
[01:15:59]  Fight for your life, Mark.
[01:16:01]  This commerce is crazy.
[01:16:02]  I didn't know we were going to just start shitting on Mark's comedy.
[01:16:05]  I thought we were just doing a fun comedy podcast.
[01:16:08]  He's a funny comic.
[01:16:09]  No, you comedy ain't Richard Arthur.
[01:16:12]  You being bomb in there.
[01:16:15]  Suff, Mark's a great comic out of line.
[01:16:17]  I wouldn't bring this up ever.
[01:16:18]  Dove, I need a joke right now, please.
[01:16:20]  Okay.
[01:16:20]  We got to go back on tour.
[01:16:21]  Someone that knows good comedy.
[01:16:23]  Dove, go.
[01:16:24]  Can you give us a joke?
[01:16:25]  Go.
[01:16:26]  Duff, we need to get bailed out.
[01:16:28]  Just make fun of me.
[01:16:29]  Do what you guys always do.
[01:16:30]  No, we never make fun of you.
[01:16:31]  You always shoot shots first.
[01:16:33]  Yeah, you do shoot.
[01:16:35]  That is true.
[01:16:36]  Really?
[01:16:36]  Yeah.
[01:16:37]  Have you ever had a full beard before?
[01:16:39]  Would you like it?
[01:16:40]  I'm being serious.
[01:16:41]  I'm like wondering if you look good with a full beard.
[01:16:42]  Why are you shooting right there?
[01:16:43]  Oh, the tag's coming.
[01:16:44]  The tag's coming.
[01:16:45]  It's not a tag.
[01:16:46]  I haven't done a punchline first.
[01:16:47]  I don't know.
[01:16:48]  You said your fucking lingo.
[01:16:50]  I'm being serious.
[01:16:51]  I think that you might look good with a full beard.
[01:16:52]  And then your nose hairs would be able to connect with it, and it would just be this perfect synergy.
[01:16:57]  So that's the punchline, right?
[01:17:00]  Is that how that works?
[01:17:01]  Is that how the jokes work?
[01:17:02]  It does work like that because it was funny.
[01:17:07]  And that's a tag.
[01:17:12]  Okay, Jesus Christ, darn you fucking jerk, bro.
[01:17:16]  Okay, but did Mark have some good shows here?
[01:17:19]  Mark killed it.
[01:17:19]  It was just those first three, four minutes.
[01:17:21]  And every show after that was fire.
[01:17:23]  But the first three, four minutes.
[01:17:24]  The third and the fourth and the sixth.
[01:17:26]  No, Mark killed it.
[01:17:28]  Mark's super funny.
[01:17:29]  I just think he hadn't hosted in a while or something.
[01:17:31]  He just came out and I was like, what's happening, yo?
[01:17:35]  I'm trying to think about the funniest hosting moment that we got from Mark.
[01:17:39]  Oh, I got a couple, bro.
[01:17:40]  Oh, yo, he be doing that shit sometimes.
[01:17:43]  I remember when we were doing, remember we were doing a crowd work special in DC and it was like the final show.
[01:17:47]  And we're like, yeah, everybody, just go out and have fun.
[01:17:49]  Mark just goes out there.
[01:17:50]  He's like, he goes, hey, what's up?
[01:17:52]  What are you, Somalian or something like that?
[01:17:55]  The guy's like, what?
[01:17:58]  And then was he or not?
[01:17:59]  Yeah, he was.
[01:18:01]  Yes.
[01:18:01]  And then you were like, cool.
[01:18:06]  Nothing for it, though.
[01:18:08]  This is growth, okay?
[01:18:09]  This is what happens, all right?
[01:18:10]  You go out there sometimes.
[01:18:12]  You see other people doing jokes.
[01:18:14]  But Andrew doesn't work so good.
[01:18:15]  So I was like, oh, I can do it.
[01:18:16]  Whoa, whoa, let's go.
[01:18:17]  That's my point.
[01:18:18]  Andrew, he was asking guys, they go back and forth.
[01:18:20]  They got some jokes.
[01:18:21]  And I was like, oh, how hard can it be?
[01:18:23]  No fun for me.
[01:18:23]  Let's all talk about your guys' box.
[01:18:28]  We'd be able to watch them if Alex actually recorded them.
[01:18:31]  Oh, my God.
[01:18:37]  Hey, there's no proof.
[01:18:42]  There's no proof of any of this.
[01:18:44]  Oh, my God.
[01:18:46]  Oh, my God.
[01:18:47]  I tossed it up.
[01:18:48]  Oh, my God.
[01:18:51]  Oh, God.
[01:18:53]  Thank God we re-recorded this pop.
[01:18:56]  That's an alley right now.
[01:18:57]  That's a setup, Al.
[01:18:59]  I mean, that's a setup, Duff.
[01:19:00]  Duff, who are you texting right now?
[01:19:02]  Who could you possibly be texting?
[01:19:04]  I'm taking notes.
[01:19:08]  I'm working.
[01:19:10]  What?
[01:19:11]  Now we're not as busy.
[01:19:12]  So now we know you're just fucking around.
[01:19:14]  Before you used to be able to fuck around, and then we'd be like, oh, he's working.
[01:19:17]  He's booing.
[01:19:19]  He's getting cryo for this show.
[01:19:20]  Yeah, like I felt bad for him last week.
[01:19:21]  This week, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, bro?
[01:19:23]  Yeah, I know.
[01:19:24]  Yeah, there's nothing.
[01:19:25]  You were very sweet with me, though, last night.
[01:19:27]  You were very sweet with me.
[01:19:28]  When you were crying.
[01:19:29]  I was crying.
[01:19:31]  I was going through it last night.
[01:19:33]  He's crying.
[01:19:34]  No, I wasn't crying.
[01:19:35]  But I was like.
[01:19:38]  Yo, that made it sound like you were crying.
[01:19:39]  No, that was a crazy handler.
[01:19:42]  No, no, I wasn't crying.
[01:19:45]  No, I wasn't crying.
[01:19:46]  That was a crying ass baby.
[01:19:49]  That's some cry baby shit to say.
[01:19:51]  Now, I might have been like tearing up a little bit.
[01:19:52]  Like, one tear streamed down my face.
[01:19:55]  I was crying because of one tear.
[01:19:56]  It's like, I just got a little watery tool.
[01:19:58]  Sorry.
[01:19:59]  I can't get choked up.
[01:20:00]  I can't be a man.
[01:20:01]  You know what I mean?
[01:20:02]  I have feelings.
[01:20:04]  Don't mean I cry, though.
[01:20:05]  I wasn't crying.
[01:20:07]  How did he console you?
[01:20:07]  He was just really sweet.
[01:20:09]  He was a good friend, bro.
[01:20:11]  Dove is a great friend.
[01:20:12]  Honestly, Dove is a worse friend the better you're doing.
[01:20:16]  And the worse you're doing, the better a friend he is.
[01:20:19]  I believe that.
[01:20:21]  You know, that's him.
[01:20:21]  He can't handle compliments or praise.
[01:20:23]  Yeah.
[01:20:24]  No, that's not true.
[01:20:25]  I think.
[01:20:25]  Wait, wait, wait.
[01:20:26]  Every compliment on the podcast, he just fires back with an insult.
[01:20:28]  It's like, yo, why are you being so unlikable right now?
[01:20:30]  Yo, thanks for building the studio.
[01:20:31]  I'm Zealand.
[01:20:32]  You can't expect me to have that dynamic if I'm just used to just being roasted, which I actually enjoy because I'm challenging you just to keep on roasting beds.
[01:20:39]  He's challenging us.
[01:20:40]  Keep on.
[01:20:40]  Yeah.
[01:20:41]  Do better.
[01:20:42]  Just keep on being a little bit more.
[01:20:43]  No, does he ever like the joke?
[01:20:45]  Every joke got a little fucking criticism to go with it, right?
[01:20:48]  Like every joke, bro.
[01:20:51]  Do better, bro.
[01:20:51]  Yeah, dude, do better.
[01:20:54]  Oh, that's such a back of the table of the comedy story.
[01:20:58]  What does that even mean?
[01:20:59]  It's a joke.
[01:20:59]  It's the best comics in the world, too.
[01:21:01]  Yeah.
[01:21:02]  Okay, so I should do what Akash does.
[01:21:03]  Hey, Mark, go have fun out there.
[01:21:06]  And you just fucking bomb for four minutes?
[01:21:07]  No.
[01:21:08]  I think you made liver.
[01:21:10]  I think you thought that was going to make me look better.
[01:21:12]  What are you saying right now?
[01:21:13]  You said it too.
[01:21:13]  He bombed when you gave him the crowd work thing.
[01:21:15]  No, pressure.
[01:21:16]  I liked pressure.
[01:21:17]  I don't know what you're talking about.
[01:21:20]  I truly don't know what you're talking about.
[01:21:22]  It's just against the wall.
[01:21:23]  Get out of it.
[01:21:25]  Dove, I don't know what you're talking about right now, but I know if I had to come on a set of tits if I was a Kardashian, needed to fucking have the semen just drinking out of your belly button.
[01:21:39]  Deep.
[01:21:39]  Deep.
[01:21:40]  You think mine is deep?
[01:21:41]  I guarantee you.
[01:21:42]  I got a guarantee in his setup, yo.
[01:21:43]  That shit was mad.
[01:21:44]  I need to know Matt for that shit, bro.
[01:21:46]  Hold on.
[01:21:46]  Hold on, fuck it.
[01:21:47]  Hold on, hold on.
[01:21:48]  Do better, Dove.
[01:21:50]  I won't need to go on stage.
[01:21:51]  Yeah, how do I challenge you to be funny?
[01:21:53]  Hey, have some fun on this podcast, yo.
[01:21:55]  Hey, Dove, just have fun.
[01:21:57]  Just have fun on that.
[01:21:57]  We're not here for fun.
[01:21:58]  Just have fun at all.
[01:21:59]  Hold on, hold on, hold on.
[01:22:01]  Do you want to challenge each other in a depth of belly button contest?
[01:22:06]  Yes.
[01:22:06]  I want to do a body shot off Dove, bro.
[01:22:08]  That should be fire.
[01:22:08]  You'd be dumb.
[01:22:11]  Put a Corona in there, bro.
[01:22:14]  We can do party straws.
[01:22:21]  Harry K. Coomb, baby.
[01:22:22]  No, but you are still likable when you laugh at it.
[01:22:24]  You're still likable.
[01:22:25]  You got frogs over me.
[01:22:26]  No, fire back.
[01:22:28]  You got to compliment you.
[01:22:29]  You never told us a story about your elbows.
[01:22:31]  Yeah, they wasted cake on the moon.
[01:22:34]  Nah, this motherfucker.
[01:22:36]  We was about to go in.
[01:22:38]  We were all in the same thing to get a bad fucking Morgan whaling it again, bro.
[01:22:44]  You guys know you take the heat.
[01:22:45]  No.
[01:22:46]  Tell us the story about your elbow.
[01:22:47]  Why do you got an elbow like Padma Lakashmi?
[01:22:51]  Wait, he's bad.
[01:22:52]  Yeah, but the elbow, the same.
[01:22:53]  He got the same scar.
[01:22:55]  Oh, surgery from doing flips on a bed as a kid.
[01:22:58]  What happened, though?
[01:22:59]  I've never heard this story.
[01:23:01]  It's terrible.
[01:23:02]  Just tell us.
[01:23:03]  I want to say that I was doing flips on the bed and then I fell off.
[01:23:07]  But my mom was doing Superman.
[01:23:09]  You know when they do Superman as a kid?
[01:23:10]  Oh, in the bed.
[01:23:11]  I said, okay, launched me off.
[01:23:13]  You're so fast she dropped you.
[01:23:14]  I was very fit.
[01:23:16]  Andrew knows from the start of college.
[01:23:19]  No.
[01:23:21]  No, no.
[01:23:22]  So watch.
[01:23:22]  So watch.
[01:23:24]  Honey.
[01:23:26]  Honey.
[01:23:28]  My parents were divorced, so my mom had to do all the dad things.
[01:23:33]  Stop being a victim, bro.
[01:23:35]  Jesus shit.
[01:23:36]  Come on, son.
[01:23:37]  I feel his pain.
[01:23:38]  Do you know?
[01:23:39]  My mom couldn't look beat neither, bro.
[01:23:41]  Ask Cap, you know it's so she launched it.
[01:23:45]  Okay, and then like launch me like Superman.
[01:23:47]  She didn't let go of my arm, so it snapped and your mom broke your own arm because you were so annoying.
[01:23:54]  You know, say Superman was like, Yeah, it's like, yeah, now you're gonna lurk.
[01:24:02]  Yo, I didn't know that.
[01:24:03]  You told me it was backflips, but that's the real story.
[01:24:05]  That's the real reason.
[01:24:06]  I love that you shared that right now.
[01:24:08]  Did she feel bad about that?
[01:24:09]  She did.
[01:24:10]  She did when the nurse thought that she was an abuser when we walked up to the emergency room.
[01:24:15]  No.
[01:24:16]  Your mom's too sweet.
[01:24:19]  What is that?
[01:24:21]  Like, a kid's walking up and his arm is snapped in half, and mom's like freaking out.
[01:24:27]  I think it's more tell us.
[01:24:29]  They had to ask the question, though.
[01:24:31]  Tell us what happened, really.
[01:24:33]  Is there a crazier story than that?
[01:24:34]  I don't know.
[01:24:35]  You just brought it up.
[01:24:36]  I felt bad.
[01:24:36]  We never said nothing about abuse.
[01:24:38]  I felt bad.
[01:24:39]  You felt bad about what?
[01:24:40]  For your mom?
[01:24:40]  For my mom.
[01:24:41]  She knew what she did.
[01:24:43]  Mom?
[01:24:44]  Your mom can't do nothing wrong.
[01:24:45]  Thank you.
[01:24:46]  Yo, that's good, though.
[01:24:47]  You get to guilt a Jewish mom.
[01:24:48]  That's rare.
[01:24:49]  Yeah, you get to flip it.
[01:24:50]  That's nice, probably, for a Jewish mom.
[01:24:51]  Do you ever bring that up?
[01:24:52]  Do you like grab it when she's yelling at you?
[01:24:55]  Ow.
[01:24:56]  Yeah, I think it's going to rain.
[01:25:00]  Why is that scientifically they can find out if it's going to rain?
[01:25:02]  You got to ask a real Indian for that shit, bro.
[01:25:04]  I don't know.
[01:25:04]  Sick, you know?
[01:25:05]  Barometric pressure.
[01:25:07]  Pakistani.
[01:25:08]  Wait, wait, wait, what is it?
[01:25:09]  It's like, come on, son.
[01:25:15]  Molly, do you know?
[01:25:16]  All we got is brown dudes here, huh?
[01:25:18]  Some we taking over.
[01:25:19]  It's a bunch of fake.
[01:25:20]  Taking this bitch over.
[01:25:21]  Oh, shit.
[01:25:22]  They don't know why the fucking rain is coming.
[01:25:25]  Come on, bro.
[01:25:27]  Now, Mark knows why the rain is coming, and also Miles is fucking salivating.
[01:25:32]  Oh, yeah, this is Miles.
[01:25:35]  He was going to do the bourbon.
[01:25:39]  Motherfuckers in the car is like, he's like, yo, is that being coached?
[01:25:48]  Miles, hit it.
[01:25:50]  I don't know the answer.
[01:25:51]  I did break my arm way worse than Dove more times.
[01:25:53]  That's what you interrupted for, yo.
[01:25:55]  And I do have it.
[01:25:56]  I do have it.
[01:25:56]  No, no, no.
[01:25:57]  I do have it.
[01:25:57]  No, but this is true because one of Miles is worse than mine.
[01:26:01]  Miles' arm, one of them is shorter than the other or something like that.
[01:26:03]  Look at this little gimpy nemo.
[01:26:05]  Finally, Nemo.
[01:26:05]  Oh, let me see.
[01:26:07]  How much shorter?
[01:26:07]  Do it from that.
[01:26:08]  Let me see it.
[01:26:09]  This is going to be a fun joke.
[01:26:11]  Yo, Jess raised the, just put one down from the side.

=== Gimpy Nemo Joke (03:16) ===

[01:26:13]  No, no, no.
[01:26:13]  You can do it.
[01:26:15]  I don't know.
[01:26:15]  I don't know, bro.
[01:26:16]  I'm a little shorter, dog.
[01:26:17]  At an angle.
[01:26:17]  Smaller.
[01:26:18]  It's just smaller.
[01:26:18]  Oh, smaller, not shorter.
[01:26:20]  Yeah.
[01:26:20]  Yeah.
[01:26:21]  But I do get that.
[01:26:22]  When it gets cold or it's going to rain and shit, my arm hurts.
[01:26:24]  Can you finger a girl with that hand?
[01:26:26]  No, not at all.
[01:26:26]  When you try to finger with the left, what happens?
[01:26:28]  Just go straight rig a mortis.
[01:26:30]  Yeah.
[01:26:31]  That's his excuse.
[01:26:32]  The other arm is just a jerk off.
[01:26:34]  Is that what he does?
[01:26:36]  Are you beating dick with the other arm?
[01:26:37]  Wait, so you just jerk off on left.
[01:26:39]  You jerk off at the weaker one?
[01:26:40]  Yeah.
[01:26:40]  Because it's like a woman.
[01:26:41]  Yeah, it's bigger.
[01:26:43]  That's true.
[01:26:43]  I do the same thing.
[01:26:44]  I go lefty.
[01:26:45]  You go lefty?
[01:26:46]  Because you don't really know what you're doing?
[01:26:48]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:26:49]  You got to prepare yourself.
[01:26:50]  Or two hands, yeah.
[01:26:51]  Dude, which side of your throat you use?
[01:26:54]  Dude, what do you guys think?
[01:26:57]  I'm actually ambidextrous.
[01:26:58]  I can go both.
[01:26:59]  You can go both sides.
[01:26:59]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:27:01]  Yeah, I feel you, dude.
[01:27:03]  Damn, you guys don't just whip it around, throw it up your butt, bro.
[01:27:05]  That's the sexy thing.
[01:27:06]  Yo, You are outstrapped.
[01:27:11]  I'm sorry we and I all had our sexuality.
[01:27:14]  Throw it up your own butt.
[01:27:16]  Oh, my God.
[01:27:17]  It really takes like 10 years for black dudes to get on board with gay jokes.
[01:27:20]  Oh, yeah.
[01:27:20]  Once we're on board, we go in.
[01:27:22]  There you go.
[01:27:23]  White boy fun is fun, bro.
[01:27:25]  It is fun, bro.
[01:27:26]  It's white boy fun.
[01:27:27]  It's fun.
[01:27:28]  Exactly.
[01:27:28]  It's plain and simple.
[01:27:29]  That's all it is.
[01:27:30]  It's fun.
[01:27:30]  Why do we deny it?
[01:27:31]  Akash, I think we need a couch, bro.
[01:27:33]  Couches are fun.
[01:27:33]  Couch is so fun.
[01:27:34]  Couch is fun.
[01:27:35]  I'm feeling mad left out.
[01:27:37]  Now you know how I feel.
[01:27:38]  Son, that's why I try to fucking hit them as often as possible.
[01:27:41]  I do this fucking emotional breakdown on that goddamn stupid ass stool over there that I got.
[01:27:50]  I just want to, we're going to have another hour about this fucking chat.
[01:27:54]  Yo, don't you know him.
[01:27:55]  Just cuddle him, please, though.
[01:27:57]  Yo, Dove is sick of me, dude.
[01:27:58]  But he was a good friend last night.
[01:28:00]  I'll give you that.
[01:28:02]  Look, sorry.
[01:28:02]  Hey, listen, we got to cut the podcast short.
[01:28:06]  We got to cut the podcast.
[01:28:07]  We're running out of juice.
[01:28:08]  We're running out of juice.
[01:28:09]  Listen, hubby be.
[01:28:12]  Listen, hubby.
[01:28:14]  Hey, Akash, get in here.
[01:28:15]  Akash, get in.
[01:28:16]  Listen.
[01:28:17]  Hubbibi.
[01:28:18]  Hubby B. Listen, we have to stop the podcast because literally Mark's microphone has shut off, right?
[01:28:24]  Which is what he hoped happened in Tacoma.
[01:28:28]  Can't even defend myself.
[01:28:29]  It wasn't that bad.
[01:28:31]  It's been all since that box.
[01:28:35]  That shit blew up the mic.
[01:28:37]  Okay, okay, seriously.
[01:28:38]  Okay, I got my elbow on Alex's.
[01:28:41]  Oh, bro, my bad.
[01:28:42]  That was your leg.
[01:28:42]  I thought it was your middle finger, bro.
[01:28:52]  So I've been working.
[01:28:53]  I've been fucking squatting.
[01:28:54]  I'm trying, bro.
[01:28:56]  I'm fucking trying.
[01:28:58]  It won't grow.
[01:29:03]  All right, like, we got to end the episode.
[01:29:05]  We love y'all.
[01:29:06]  We appreciate y'all.
[01:29:07]  We got something fun for y'all this coming Friday.
[01:29:11]  Matter of fact.
[01:29:11]  Okay.
[01:29:12]  Yeah, big coming up this Friday.
[01:29:15]  That's the mic.
[01:29:16]  That's not me.
[01:29:16]  I'm speaking normal.
[01:29:17]  The mic is listening better.
[01:29:19]  Listen, make sure y'all go see Top Gun.
[01:29:23]  And no, we don't got Tom Cruise and none of those other motherfuckers on the podcast.
[01:29:26]  We got something even better.
[01:29:27]  Go see Top Gun.
[01:29:29]  All right.
[01:29:29]  Appreciate y'all.
[01:29:30]  Peace.