Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - The Green M&M is a $LÜT with Russell Peters
Aired: 2022-01-25
Duration: 02:18:08


=== Ghosting Millionaires and Cashmere (14:34) ===

[00:00:05]  What's up, everybody?
[00:00:06]  Welcome to Flagrant 2.
[00:00:07]  It's your boy Sheltie here at Arkash Same.
[00:00:09]  We got Marquee Gags.
[00:00:10]  We got Alex Media.
[00:00:11]  We got Miles Media.
[00:00:12]  We got Dove the Truffle.
[00:00:13]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:00:14]  Shifty might even be lurking in the distance.
[00:00:16]  Young Shifl Tips.
[00:00:18]  Doesn't have the funny cam going on.
[00:00:19]  Probably read them comments.
[00:00:23]  I like the fucking funny cam.
[00:00:25]  I thought it was great.
[00:00:26]  Maybe it was jarring at first, but you know, you got to let people get on board with it.
[00:00:30]  People got to adjust.
[00:00:31]  Yeah.
[00:00:31]  Like every time they changed Facebook, we complained.
[00:00:33]  And then the shit took over the world.
[00:00:35]  And we love it.
[00:00:35]  Hey, funny cam about to be the only fucking cam, bro.
[00:00:38]  Yeah, okay.
[00:00:39]  Get back up there.
[00:00:40]  Tipples.
[00:00:41]  Walla didn't bring the lens.
[00:00:43]  Piece of shit.
[00:00:43]  Oh my gosh.
[00:00:44]  Piece of fucking shit.
[00:00:45]  Anyway, happy birthday, Dove.
[00:00:47]  Let's give Dove happy birthday.
[00:00:50]  Happy birthday.
[00:00:51]  Thank you, Flagrant Army.
[00:00:52]  Did you get a lot of happy birthdays?
[00:00:54]  Good.
[00:00:55]  Nicest messages I ever received.
[00:00:56]  Good.
[00:00:57]  I like that.
[00:00:58]  You know, Dub, I didn't get Dove anything for his birthday, but he also has still gotten me nothing for my wedding.
[00:01:03]  And I also want to point out with the state of the crypto market, Arkash has also gotten me nothing out of my letter.
[00:01:10]  So we're losing gifts as we're going.
[00:01:13]  You got some knives, Cook.
[00:01:15]  Cut back.
[00:01:15]  Cut my fucking wrist.
[00:01:17]  Cut my neck.
[00:01:19]  Commit suicide.
[00:01:20]  Tap me out of this bitch, bro.
[00:01:22]  Oh, my God.
[00:01:24]  Obviously, everybody's watching.
[00:01:25]  You guys know what's going on with the crypto market.
[00:01:27]  I'll buy your crypto right now.
[00:01:28]  I know you will.
[00:01:29]  I know you will.
[00:01:29]  Stop, stop, stop.
[00:01:31]  But we're going to have our boy, Pizza Boy, Anthony Pompliano, on the podcast.
[00:01:39]  That's my boy.
[00:01:39]  I call him Pizza Boy.
[00:01:41]  He stopped peddling it when it was back at 64.
[00:01:42]  He's been working at Royce.
[00:01:44]  It keeps going in this direction.
[00:01:46]  But he said we'll all cry together on the pod.
[00:01:49]  And he's going to zoom in, by the way, because them funny.
[00:01:56]  No, he's down in Miami still, so he says, call on and we'll talk and figure out what's going on and how the Fed is influencing the markets a bit and what's all going on.
[00:02:06]  It all comes down to the Fed.
[00:02:07]  The Fed, bro.
[00:02:08]  You think I forgot about the Fed?
[00:02:10]  You think I forgot about the Fed?
[00:02:12]  I feel like Al did his hair like this, so I make fun of him.
[00:02:16]  I feel like he's trying to bait me into making it.
[00:02:18]  He's got something on your head.
[00:02:19]  Hey, Al, your hair looks great.
[00:02:20]  Yeah, you look awesome.
[00:02:21]  Al, your hair looks absolutely fantastic.
[00:02:23]  Phenomenal.
[00:02:23]  Oh, I know.
[00:02:24]  I look good.
[00:02:26]  Okay.
[00:02:27]  But let's get this started.
[00:02:29]  Okay.
[00:02:30]  Let's get the podcast started.
[00:02:31]  We've got a massive story.
[00:02:33]  We had a great weekend, but we got a massive story that we got to talk about.
[00:02:37]  A fuckboy is getting canceled right now.
[00:02:39]  I know, dude.
[00:02:40]  I know.
[00:02:40]  A fuckboy is getting canceled right now, and I think we got to come to his defense.
[00:02:44]  Of course we do.
[00:02:45]  We got to come to his defense because West Elm Caleb, if you guys don't know who West Elm Caleb is.
[00:02:50]  Legend.
[00:02:50]  Let's go through the story of West Elm Caitlin.
[00:02:53]  Who do you think is most versed on this story right now?
[00:02:55]  Mark, do you have a good?
[00:02:56]  I got some fucking break it down.
[00:02:58]  Break down the story of West Elm Calendar.
[00:03:01]  Just the facts only.
[00:03:02]  Yeah, only the facts.
[00:03:03]  Yeah, just the facts.
[00:03:04]  We care about facts over here.
[00:03:06]  Okay?
[00:03:07]  Facts, no feelings.
[00:03:08]  I'm going to do my best with this.
[00:03:09]  I try to do the Digimon Pokemon story, and I got cooked for it.
[00:03:13]  I had Jideon, Pokeyman, Pokemon.
[00:03:15]  I had Jidian, or whatever, Jideon.
[00:03:17]  Jideon.
[00:03:18]  I had him hit me up.
[00:03:19]  He's like, y'all got that shit completely wrong.
[00:03:21]  It's so funny.
[00:03:22]  Mark, like a true white man, forgot a whole N-word that was said that started the whole call.
[00:03:26]  It's disputed.
[00:03:29]  I saw the video.
[00:03:30]  She dropped it.
[00:03:31]  CGI, bro.
[00:03:32]  Are you sure?
[00:03:32]  Yeah, it might be CGI.
[00:03:34]  All right, fine.
[00:03:34]  Nice he didn't wrap the ball in the N-word at least.
[00:03:36]  I'm team Pokemon.
[00:03:38]  She said, wait, wait, If French Montana could do it, she could do it.
[00:03:44]  Oh, that's a good table.
[00:03:46]  What is she?
[00:03:47]  What's her background?
[00:03:47]  Moroccan.
[00:03:48]  Moroccan Arab.
[00:03:48]  She's Moroccan.
[00:03:50]  I think that they should be able to say it the least.
[00:03:52]  Why is that?
[00:03:53]  Because Arabs still got slaves, bro.
[00:03:56]  White people we tapped out.
[00:03:57]  We're like, nah, that's just fucked up.
[00:03:59]  But you go to parts of the world, them Arabs still got black slaves, bro.
[00:04:02]  They can't be dropping that shit.
[00:04:05]  Huh?
[00:04:05]  Huh?
[00:04:06]  Okay.
[00:04:06]  How you feel now?
[00:04:07]  Team Digiby.
[00:04:09]  We're back, we're back, we're back, we're back.
[00:04:11]  Okay, little pokey man walking around here.
[00:04:14]  I didn't know that she was.
[00:04:16]  I mean, could Dove say it?
[00:04:17]  There's no way.
[00:04:18]  Come on.
[00:04:19]  The guy wears too much cashmere.
[00:04:20]  Yeah.
[00:04:22]  There's a certain amount of cashmere you could wear where it just stops you from saying the end word.
[00:04:26]  Yeah.
[00:04:26]  Completely.
[00:04:27]  What amount is it, Al?
[00:04:28]  1%.
[00:04:29]  One.
[00:04:29]  Yeah.
[00:04:36]  We don't fucking cashmere out.
[00:04:37]  There's no one.
[00:04:38]  Why don't you fuck with Cashmere out?
[00:04:39]  Nah, we just don't fuck with Cashmere, bro.
[00:04:41]  Okay.
[00:04:41]  It's like this.
[00:04:42]  It's like that side-filled episode with the one dot on it.
[00:04:44]  I've never seen it.
[00:04:45]  The best episode.
[00:04:46]  I've never seen it.
[00:04:47]  Fuck you, Alan.
[00:04:48]  Fuck you, Alice.
[00:04:50]  Fuck you.
[00:04:51]  That's what he looks like.
[00:04:51]  Black Kramer.
[00:04:55]  Okay.
[00:04:57]  So, so, uh, so basically, break this story.
[00:05:00]  So, West Elm Caleb's being called New York's most eligible fuckboy.
[00:05:06]  Move over, Pete Davidson.
[00:05:08]  West Elm Caleb.
[00:05:09]  So, basically, there's a woman that posted a TikTok and said, Oh, we lost our son.
[00:05:13]  God damn it.
[00:05:14]  Woman that posted a TikTok that said, basically, it's like a joke, like, OMG, Caleb, if you see this, like, I hate you.
[00:05:20]  And it's like her getting ghosted.
[00:05:22]  And she's like, Dating in New York is so hard.
[00:05:23]  And then all these people in the comments are like, OMG, like Caleb from West Elm.
[00:05:27]  And she's like, mad people are like Caleb from West Elm.
[00:05:30]  Okay, boy.
[00:05:30]  All these comments.
[00:05:31]  Okay, boy.
[00:05:32]  See you out here building more than furniture.
[00:05:35]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:05:36]  So now all these other girls are making TikToks like, yo, I dated this guy, West Elm Caleb.
[00:05:39]  He said he was 6'4.
[00:05:41]  We met on Hinge.
[00:05:42]  He said that he was a furniture designer at West Elm.
[00:05:45]  This is a picture of what he looks like.
[00:05:47]  And yeah, we talked.
[00:05:49]  We went back and forth.
[00:05:50]  You hate him, bro?
[00:05:51]  He quote unquote.
[00:05:52]  You hate him.
[00:05:52]  You see my healing and you see him.
[00:05:59]  That's not a little cutie person.
[00:06:00]  You take a few inches off your hair, put it on his body.
[00:06:02]  That's you could literally be.
[00:06:03]  You can finish his beard, honestly.
[00:06:05]  Wow.
[00:06:05]  I'm just saying Mark.
[00:06:06]  I hate it.
[00:06:07]  I'm just saying.
[00:06:08]  I hate it.
[00:06:09]  CB2 gang over here.
[00:06:11]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:06:14]  CB2 in the face.
[00:06:15]  They sent me a couch with no fucking feet on it.
[00:06:17]  No.
[00:06:17]  Yes.
[00:06:18]  Fuck West Elm.
[00:06:18]  You probably busy both of these bitches.
[00:06:20]  You didn't put no fucking feet on it.
[00:06:22]  They took me off my feet.
[00:06:23]  Fuck you.
[00:06:24]  I hate them.
[00:06:26]  But yeah.
[00:06:26]  So basically, he's all over Hinge.
[00:06:28]  And now there's like over 25, 30 women that said, I went on a date with West Elm Caleb.
[00:06:33]  And they all have the same story.
[00:06:34]  They're like, we met on Hinge.
[00:06:35]  Exact same messages, copy-paste.
[00:06:37]  Sent me the same messages.
[00:06:38]  He sent me the same Spotify playlist, like, okay, girl, like, I love you.
[00:06:41]  I sent this for you.
[00:06:42]  Blah, blah, blah.
[00:06:43]  Okay.
[00:06:43]  I don't know which ones like met up with him and went on dates with him or not.
[00:06:46]  Uh-huh.
[00:06:46]  He sent one girl dick pics twice.
[00:06:48]  He must have liked her.
[00:06:49]  Yeah.
[00:06:50]  What's he packing, bro?
[00:06:51]  She didn't say.
[00:06:52]  She didn't post that.
[00:06:53]  No, no, no.
[00:06:54]  That's how you know.
[00:06:54]  That's my fucking guy.
[00:06:55]  That's how you know it's the truth.
[00:06:56]  Because if the guy was little, we'd all been seen.
[00:06:58]  But if it's big, he's 6'4 everywhere.
[00:07:00]  Got the autumn.
[00:07:03]  Put your feet up.
[00:07:04]  Put your feet up, girl.
[00:07:05]  That's where one of them legs went.
[00:07:09]  Shit.
[00:07:11]  But yeah, so I get this.
[00:07:13]  If my girl sits on my West Elm couch, I'm like, yo, sit the fuck up.
[00:07:16]  No, stand up.
[00:07:17]  Damn, bro.
[00:07:18]  Okay, keep going.
[00:07:20]  But yeah, basically, he would like talk to girls and then just ghost them.
[00:07:23]  And now all these girls are now mobbing him saying, like, yo, fuck this guy.
[00:07:26]  He's the biggest fuckboy.
[00:07:27]  We hate West Elm Caleb.
[00:07:28]  And now it's gotten even bigger than that.
[00:07:29]  Like, all these brands are hopping on it.
[00:07:31]  Like, Hellman's Mayo said, like, yo, West Elm Caleb, like, doesn't fuck with Mayo.
[00:07:36]  Like, shit, like that.
[00:07:37]  Like, people are just like, now brands are jumping on it.
[00:07:40]  And now it's just become a meme.
[00:07:41]  TikTok tweeted about is how big it got.
[00:07:43]  They went on to Twitter and tweeted about West Elm Caleb.
[00:07:45]  They had their own social media app.
[00:07:46]  Yeah.
[00:07:46]  They went on a different one to spread the word.
[00:07:48]  Yeah.
[00:07:49]  Interesting.
[00:07:49]  Okay.
[00:07:50]  So now it's just become a massive thing.
[00:07:51]  And the first conversation that comes up is like, is this love bombing?
[00:07:55]  Is he being manipulative?
[00:07:57]  Is he coercing these people?
[00:07:58]  You can't.
[00:07:59]  This was so great.
[00:08:00]  You can't even be nice to women.
[00:08:02]  You nice to a woman?
[00:08:03]  It's love bombing.
[00:08:04]  I looked into this.
[00:08:05]  It's apparently the precursor to.
[00:08:07]  Love bombing is that shit that Obama would do.
[00:08:09]  Okay, no, no, no, no.
[00:08:10]  At Yemeni wedding?
[00:08:11]  Not a dharma.
[00:08:11]  No, that's not a word.
[00:08:12]  That's not what it is.
[00:08:13]  What is that?
[00:08:13]  Oh, drone strikes.
[00:08:14]  That's a drone.
[00:08:14]  That's drone strikes.
[00:08:15]  God forgot.
[00:08:17]  You know, we can use some new furniture.
[00:08:21]  Get out there, West Elm, Caleb.
[00:08:23]  Yemen is a good country.
[00:08:25]  You gotta go to the middle of the Middle East Elm.
[00:08:26]  That's the actual West Bank Elm.
[00:08:31]  Oh, my God.
[00:08:33]  Okay, go.
[00:08:34]  So basically, is like, is what he did fucked up?
[00:08:36]  The other thing that I will say that is important to note is that apparently he told some woman that he was exclusive with them.
[00:08:41]  So he was like talking to all these different women, dating a bunch of them at the same time, and telling specific ones, like, yo, it's just you and me.
[00:08:47]  Like, I love you.
[00:08:48]  And we know that for a fact.
[00:08:49]  But that's what she said.
[00:08:50]  I mean, because that seems like a feeling, not a fact.
[00:08:56]  And sometimes you can, sometimes people convince his true feelings in fact.
[00:09:00]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:09:01]  You really know factors that are the victim plays.
[00:09:04]  I mean, how many days were they dating for?
[00:09:06]  Dude, how long did that candle burn?
[00:09:12]  Which one?
[00:09:14]  Which one is it?
[00:09:16]  Oh, we're going to have so much more.
[00:09:18]  Did West Elm Caleb fuck up?
[00:09:20]  Is he a fuckboy?
[00:09:21]  Okay.
[00:09:21]  Is he a fuckboy?
[00:09:23]  Yeah, he's a fuckboy.
[00:09:24]  I want to point out this.
[00:09:26]  The ghosting shit, we're all done it before.
[00:09:28]  I do think it's whack, but we've all done it 100%.
[00:09:32]  That's part of growing up.
[00:09:33]  Exactly.
[00:09:34]  The only reason we do it is because we're all pussy.
[00:09:36]  Yeah.
[00:09:36]  Right?
[00:09:37]  It's like we're just scared to hurt somebody.
[00:09:38]  So if we just ignore it, then we and that's exactly what I said about the girls who ghosted me.
[00:09:43]  They just need to grow up.
[00:09:46]  She just needs to grow up.
[00:09:47]  Yeah, bro.
[00:09:48]  Son, hey, if it's a type of rejection, I've probably been that shit.
[00:09:52]  Probably.
[00:09:53]  I don't know specifics.
[00:09:55]  Block them shits out.
[00:09:57]  Yes.
[00:09:58]  Same for me, Chess.
[00:10:00]  He really only dated your girl, to be honest.
[00:10:02]  Yeah, because the rest of them hoes rejected me.
[00:10:06]  No, for real, they just ghosting you up and shit.
[00:10:08]  No, I don't know if I got ghosted.
[00:10:09]  I definitely got rejected for sure in many different ways.
[00:10:13]  I probably got ghosted.
[00:10:14]  You had to have happened.
[00:10:15]  Yeah.
[00:10:15]  Had to have.
[00:10:16]  Uh-huh.
[00:10:16]  If you ain't been ghosted, you ain't shit.
[00:10:18]  You ain't put yourself out there.
[00:10:19]  Oh, you've never been ghosted?
[00:10:20]  Of course I have.
[00:10:21]  Everybody been ghosted.
[00:10:22]  Yeah.
[00:10:22]  I'll be honest, I just said that I might not have been ghosted.
[00:10:25]  Hey, I promise you.
[00:10:26]  I'm too forgetful to be ghosted.
[00:10:27]  I'm too forgetful.
[00:10:27]  Super forgetful.
[00:10:28]  His memory be ghosting him.
[00:10:30]  His brain ghosts him.
[00:10:31]  You'll come back at the text and be like, oh, I was supposed to meet over her.
[00:10:34]  Yeah, real talk.
[00:10:35]  I forgot about that.
[00:10:36]  I do that all the time.
[00:10:36]  You're welcome, Caller Daddy.
[00:10:39]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:10:39]  I'm out here trying to make these women money.
[00:10:42]  What can I do?
[00:10:43]  You know what I mean?
[00:10:44]  I got to fall in love.
[00:10:45]  It is what it is.
[00:10:46]  We all have other plans sometimes.
[00:10:47]  Y'all never had other plans.
[00:10:48]  God's will.
[00:10:49]  You're in God's will.
[00:10:50]  To be fair, you ended up costing her quite a bit of money.
[00:10:53]  No, that's on her.
[00:10:54]  Quite a bit of money.
[00:10:55]  Quite like eight figures.
[00:10:57]  But I made the other caller daddy a good amount.
[00:10:59]  You should speak, August.
[00:11:00]  You cost him a lot of money with Bitcoin, bro.
[00:11:01]  What are you talking about?
[00:11:03]  It costs me all this goddamn money.
[00:11:04]  I be doing that.
[00:11:05]  I ghosted texting you to sell it.
[00:11:07]  Fuck you.
[00:11:08]  I forgot, bro.
[00:11:09]  I forgot.
[00:11:09]  You ever heard Eric Meyers joke about ghosting?
[00:11:11]  No, he's like, they should not call it ghosting because ghosting is like when something comes to your house and fucks you all the time.
[00:11:16]  Like they should call it.
[00:11:17]  They should call it Sasquatching.
[00:11:18]  Like you see him for a little bit and they just fucking run into the woods.
[00:11:20]  Yeah, that's actually great because a ghost is going to terrorize you.
[00:11:23]  Yeah.
[00:11:23]  I don't know.
[00:11:23]  It's there all the time.
[00:11:24]  Yeah.
[00:11:26]  Sasquatching is a new term.
[00:11:27]  I don't ask what you do.
[00:11:28]  Yeah, because ghosts don't disappear.
[00:11:30]  Yeah, they are there.
[00:11:31]  Around.
[00:11:31]  They're always there haunting you forever.
[00:11:33]  That's what happens when we leave it up to women to make up the terms.
[00:11:36]  Right?
[00:11:37]  They're just sort of ghost movies.
[00:11:38]  Yeah.
[00:11:39]  You got to watch some paranormal activities.
[00:11:42]  Okay.
[00:11:42]  So this guy, is it wrong what he did?
[00:11:44]  What I think is really funny is actually really funny based on just based on like the heels of our conversation last week when we were talking about like what is the proper way to get women, et cetera.
[00:11:53]  Like, here's an example of a guy who's not a fucking crypto billionaire.
[00:11:57]  He's not an athlete.
[00:11:58]  He's not a rapper.
[00:11:58]  The guy designs furniture for West Elm.
[00:12:00]  Probably does okay, but not crazy.
[00:12:02]  Okay.
[00:12:02]  Lives in Brooklyn.
[00:12:03]  He's not living in some high-rise fucking Manhattan apartment.
[00:12:06]  You know what I mean?
[00:12:06]  Or something beautiful in Soho with a mezzanine or roof access.
[00:12:09]  Really, just wonderful views.
[00:12:11]  What?
[00:12:13]  I'm a married man.
[00:12:15]  I'm a married man.
[00:12:16]  I'm a married man, dude.
[00:12:16]  I'm a married man.
[00:12:17]  Yeah, he happens to live in Soho.
[00:12:18]  Some of us live in high-rises, a couple floors underneath Derek Rose.
[00:12:21]  It is what it is.
[00:12:22]  You know what I mean?
[00:12:23]  It is what it is.
[00:12:23]  And eventually you could move up and live above him.
[00:12:27]  It's actually impossible to live above where he lives.
[00:12:29]  But that's not.
[00:12:30]  What is he even talking about?
[00:12:32]  What are we even talking about, even?
[00:12:34]  Right?
[00:12:35]  You know, just because it says penthouse doesn't mean there aren't higher penthouse.
[00:12:37]  That's true.
[00:12:38]  That's a good ass point.
[00:12:38]  So there might be a higher penthouse.
[00:12:40]  That's a good-ass point.
[00:12:40]  But enough about us.
[00:12:41]  Yeah.
[00:12:42]  I'm not talking about us.
[00:12:43]  We're not talking about us.
[00:12:44]  Oh, yeah, you're right.
[00:12:44]  Any hypotheticals.
[00:12:45]  Enough about those incredibly successful people.
[00:12:48]  The point is, this guy is not what we think the ideal man.
[00:12:53]  He is 6'4.
[00:12:54]  Yeah.
[00:12:54]  If you're 6'4, that's fucking helpful.
[00:12:57]  Allegedly 6'4.
[00:12:58]  Allegedly 6'4.
[00:13:00]  How do we know?
[00:13:03]  Stand up to my back.
[00:13:05]  That made him man.
[00:13:06]  Let's get through this.
[00:13:07]  Stand up.
[00:13:08]  How you 5'11 with a Napoleon complex?
[00:13:11]  Let's go back to back.
[00:13:12]  Let's go back to back.
[00:13:13]  Me, what's up, kid?
[00:13:14]  I'm securing my shit, bro.
[00:13:15]  You 5'11 with Napoleon complex, dog.
[00:13:17]  I bet he's bumping to do two.
[00:13:19]  Probably gives him up and down for sure.
[00:13:22]  100%.
[00:13:22]  He's probably in his fucking CrossFit class looking at his wife and shit.
[00:13:25]  Yo, let's tell.
[00:13:27]  I mean, relax.
[00:13:28]  Yeah, chill.
[00:13:29]  Okay, so this is important.
[00:13:33]  This guy was not being mean to these girls upon meeting them.
[00:13:36]  He was doing the exact opposite thing that we're told by like the pickup artists and shit, right?
[00:13:41]  He's love bombing.
[00:13:42]  Yeah.
[00:13:42]  You're so amazing.
[00:13:43]  I made a playlist for you.
[00:13:45]  It literally is terrifying what he's doing.
[00:13:47]  Somebody say he's simping.
[00:13:48]  So he's simping.
[00:13:50]  This guy simped himself according to the rules.
[00:13:53]  This guy simped himself into having sex with half of New York City.
[00:13:56]  That's crazy.
[00:13:57]  Is it possible that so many people are following the pickup artist techniques that now the unique way to hit on a woman is to go from simp to pimp?
[00:14:10]  That's simping to pimping when you really think about it.
[00:14:13]  Be nice to these girls.
[00:14:14]  It's going to be such a shocking experience for them.
[00:14:18]  They're going to be, oh my God, maybe this guy, I really like him.
[00:14:21]  Now, what I will say is quite interesting is these girls got on top of it.
[00:14:24]  It became a TikTok trend, yada, yada, yada.
[00:14:26]  What I think is kind of funny is if he was one of these millionaires, if he was a finance douche, if he was Drake, if he was Odell Beckham Jr., these girls would be fine with being ghosted.
[00:14:36]  They understand it.
[00:14:36]  They understand it.
[00:14:37]  Their ego could tolerate it.

=== Simping, Pimping, and Ego (15:34) ===

[00:14:39]  And what's funny about this, and this is the insulting thing, is they're not upset they got ghosted.
[00:14:44]  They're upset that they got ghosted by a guy that they thought they were better than.
[00:14:49]  That's the ego thing.
[00:14:50]  It's going to say, I got ghosted by the guy who makes furniture for West Elm.
[00:14:53]  Yeah.
[00:14:54]  The fuck are you doing?
[00:14:54]  You're not a Drake.
[00:14:55]  You're not.
[00:14:56]  How dare you have sex with all of us and not be famous or successful enough?
[00:15:00]  Restoration hardware, maybe.
[00:15:03]  I need some real nice bougie shit, right?
[00:15:05]  Isn't that interesting?
[00:15:06]  Like, it's an ego check.
[00:15:08]  And I don't even know if the girls that are coming out saying it realize it.
[00:15:11]  Let me push back on that one point, even though I don't, I think a lot of these girls are overreacting crazy.
[00:15:16]  But a celeb wouldn't necessarily show a bunch of affection up top and be like, I love you, marry me, make a playlist.
[00:15:24]  You don't have to.
[00:15:25]  I don't disagree with your general point, but that's one thing that I'm not sure I agree with.
[00:15:28]  So they're reacting to the love bomb.
[00:15:30]  They're reacting to the love bomb.
[00:15:31]  Now, I don't want to seem rude here.
[00:15:33]  Oh, go finish.
[00:15:34]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:15:34]  Here's the thing.
[00:15:35]  I looked into this love bombing thing.
[00:15:37]  Yes.
[00:15:37]  They call it a precursor to abuse.
[00:15:39]  So then women are calling it abuse.
[00:15:42]  Now, if a guy does that and then abuses you, that's a fucking criminal.
[00:15:45]  If a guy does that and doesn't abuse you, that's not abuse.
[00:15:47]  A precursor is not the same.
[00:15:49]  Every fight, the precursor is an argument.
[00:15:52]  Every fist fight, the precursor is an argument.
[00:15:54]  The argument's not a crime.
[00:15:55]  You can call it manipulation.
[00:15:55]  It's an argument.
[00:15:56]  Yeah.
[00:15:57]  That's all.
[00:15:57]  That shit is I'm being nice.
[00:16:00]  I can't be nice.
[00:16:01]  I don't know if it's any more manipulative than like looking completely different in your Instagram pictures than you do in real life.
[00:16:08]  Is it emotional catfishing versus physical catfishing?
[00:16:13]  Are we all?
[00:16:14]  I think, uh, what is it with the great Chris Rock joke?
[00:16:16]  You didn't meet me, you met my representative, right?
[00:16:19]  This is back in the day before Photoshop and all these other things, but like, yeah, everybody's on their best behavior at the beginning of a date.
[00:16:24]  Yeah, my apartment's clean just in case.
[00:16:27]  Right?
[00:16:27]  My apartment ain't always clean.
[00:16:28]  Yeah, right.
[00:16:29]  Everything's clean.
[00:16:30]  I'm shaving up downstairs.
[00:16:32]  I took a shower.
[00:16:33]  Really?
[00:16:33]  Bruh.
[00:16:34]  You took a shower?
[00:16:35]  I take showers.
[00:16:36]  I'm shaved up.
[00:16:37]  I watch legs and feet.
[00:16:38]  Now you got it.
[00:16:39]  No, it's such a funny thing.
[00:16:40]  Sometimes I watch my table.
[00:16:43]  You don't think that sometimes I think I might get my middle hammer toe on your fucking I might get a middle hammer toe sucked if my feet are washed, bro.
[00:16:50]  And if it's not, you're not going to do that.
[00:16:51]  I don't know if you call it a hammer.
[00:16:53]  I got the middle hammer, bro.
[00:16:55]  I got the middle hammer.
[00:16:56]  She says, bring out the hammer.
[00:16:57]  What do you do?
[00:16:57]  Put your leg out on the bottom.
[00:16:58]  Bring out that toe.
[00:16:59]  Hey, listen to this hammer, everything's a nail.
[00:17:02]  Is that the same?
[00:17:03]  What does this say?
[00:17:04]  What does that say?
[00:17:05]  That was it right there.
[00:17:05]  What is it?
[00:17:06]  Yeah, okay.
[00:17:06]  You got a hammer.
[00:17:07]  Every problem is a nail.
[00:17:08]  Yeah.
[00:17:09]  You know what time it is.
[00:17:10]  Fuck, it still don't make sense.
[00:17:12]  Okay, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that, like, to act like neither party is representing themselves completely authentically or to act like both parties are representing themselves completely authentically upon meeting.
[00:17:26]  Yeah.
[00:17:26]  I think is unfair.
[00:17:27]  It's completely unfair.
[00:17:29]  And straying from that is somehow abusive.
[00:17:31]  No.
[00:17:31]  Yeah.
[00:17:32]  I hate just throwing the fucking word.
[00:17:34]  We're throwing that out.
[00:17:34]  We need to see some real abuse.
[00:17:36]  Honestly, like abuse and like goat, we just throw out.
[00:17:39]  Yeah.
[00:17:39]  Yeah.
[00:17:40]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:17:40]  Like a motherfucker shoots a paper towel into a trash can.
[00:17:43]  Goat.
[00:17:46]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:17:47]  Like every, there's 50 goats.
[00:17:48]  Goat is greatest of all time.
[00:17:51]  Yeah.
[00:17:51]  There's just one.
[00:17:52]  Yeah.
[00:17:52]  Right?
[00:17:53]  So I agree.
[00:17:54]  I think there was just overusing that shit.
[00:17:55]  But with this specific thing, damn, I fucked that word.
[00:18:01]  With this specific thing with West Elm Caleb, what I find it interesting is like, it's very hard to, it's very hard for people to just go, I guess he didn't like.
[00:18:11]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:18:11]  Like, he's either a fuckboy manipulative asshole.
[00:18:15]  And I maybe he did that to a few people and that's fucked up.
[00:18:18]  But some of y'all.
[00:18:20]  Yeah.
[00:18:20]  Yeah, but you know what's crazy?
[00:18:22]  Is the ones he said were exclusive?
[00:18:24]  Yeah, if you're saying that's a lie.
[00:18:26]  It's just lying.
[00:18:27]  He's just being a liar.
[00:18:28]  That's fucked up shit.
[00:18:29]  But one of the girls who went on TikTok to talk about that, she was like, oh, I was swiping.
[00:18:33]  I met this guy.
[00:18:34]  I'm going to go on a date and add him to my shit.
[00:18:36]  To my arsenal.
[00:18:38]  So she's saying I'm about to add him to all the other dudes I'm talking to already.
[00:18:43]  Are you mad that he's dating a girl?
[00:18:45]  You fuck girl.
[00:18:46]  He a fuckboy.
[00:18:46]  You got fucked.
[00:18:47]  Yeah.
[00:18:47]  You aren't good enough for him.
[00:18:49]  And that's where your ego for sure is.
[00:18:52]  Now, question: Is it like unethical to go on the same date or to do the same kind of behaviors with the same girl?
[00:18:58]  Is it unethical for that girl to wear the same skirt?
[00:19:02]  Oh, wear the same lingerie?
[00:19:03]  We're the same sexy ass bra.
[00:19:05]  He has a playlist where he's like, Yo, I made this for you.
[00:19:07]  That's the emotional equivalent for us.
[00:19:09]  Do you know what I mean?
[00:19:10]  Like, make me the same bacon, egg, and cheese you made a bunch of other motherfuckers in the morning.
[00:19:13]  Is that unethical?
[00:19:15]  Let's stop acting like we're not repeating tactics that we know that can be successful.
[00:19:18]  Yeah.
[00:19:19]  Right?
[00:19:19]  If those things are kind and nice, what's the problem?
[00:19:22]  Giving someone a playlist of music that you think they might enjoy.
[00:19:26]  Yeah, you're doing it so you guys may build that connection.
[00:19:28]  But I don't think that that's the worst thing a guy's ever done.
[00:19:31]  It's not the worst.
[00:19:32]  It's a little slightly to be like, I made this for you, but okay.
[00:19:35]  I'm slightly fucked up.
[00:19:36]  This guy's going viral for this.
[00:19:38]  Oh, gosh.
[00:19:38]  Is it wrong to take a girl to the same restaurant that you took another girl to?
[00:19:41]  Nope.
[00:19:42]  No.
[00:19:43]  Like, can you never repeat anything?
[00:19:46]  Yeah.
[00:19:47]  And he could just be repeating the same tactics that he's had great dates on until he finds the one.
[00:19:53]  Exactly.
[00:19:54]  And none of y'all were the one.
[00:19:56]  That's it.
[00:19:57]  Like, and there's nothing wrong with not being the one.
[00:19:58]  You got to be somebody's one.
[00:20:00]  Is West Elm Caleb an asshole?
[00:20:01]  Or are you just boring?
[00:20:03]  Or did you just lie about how hot you were?
[00:20:08]  Y'all know me.
[00:20:08]  I dated a lot.
[00:20:10]  I was out here in the world.
[00:20:11]  Yeah.
[00:20:12]  I met the one.
[00:20:13]  Yeah.
[00:20:14]  And the one was the one that I needed to be with, one to be with, locked in with.
[00:20:19]  Okay.
[00:20:20]  Y'all just weren't the one.
[00:20:22]  Y'all just weren't the one.
[00:20:23]  It is what it is.
[00:20:24]  That happens.
[00:20:25]  Maybe he didn't appreciate you look bombing him where you pretend you're super hot and then he sees you and you're like, oh, you all right.
[00:20:30]  Oh, wow.
[00:20:31]  Oh, wow.
[00:20:32]  I'm a 6'4, better-looking version of Mark.
[00:20:34]  I don't have to settle for this.
[00:20:35]  Exactly.
[00:20:36]  That's 6'4, Mark.
[00:20:37]  Better looking.
[00:20:38]  Can build furniture.
[00:20:39]  I still got a girlsburg coming.
[00:20:40]  Watch.
[00:20:41]  Yeah.
[00:20:42]  I got a little bit.
[00:20:43]  Okay.
[00:20:43]  I will say, I feel bad for him only because I feel like, yeah, he's a fuckboy, but now he's just a representation of all the fuckboys.
[00:20:50]  Yeah.
[00:20:51]  Of every piece of shit guy you ever met, he's this guy.
[00:20:53]  He's getting Karen.
[00:20:54]  You know what I mean?
[00:20:55]  Yeah.
[00:20:55]  Ooh.
[00:20:56]  Where now he's not like, people are forgetting that he's like a person and they're just jumping on because he's the representative of a fucking.
[00:21:02]  They're trying to get him fired from his job.
[00:21:04]  They're tagging West Elm in it.
[00:21:05]  Like West Elm's supposed to be like, all right, man.
[00:21:08]  During your time off, you shouldn't have been dicking down all these girls in New York City.
[00:21:10]  I think we need to get rid of you.
[00:21:11]  You're a danger.
[00:21:12]  And West Elm probably going to fire this guy.
[00:21:14]  That'd be fucked up.
[00:21:15]  Because it's just like, we don't need this shit.
[00:21:16]  Yo, Caleb, if you get fired, we'll let you build all the furniture for our new station.
[00:21:19]  Hey, hey.
[00:21:20]  I mean that sincerely.
[00:21:22]  I mean that sincerely.
[00:21:23]  I want to hire you.
[00:21:23]  We want him on the podcast.
[00:21:24]  I tried.
[00:21:25]  I was DMing girls that he dated.
[00:21:28]  I was married.
[00:21:29]  Andrew Schultz married in girls DMs.
[00:21:30]  Like, yo, free Caleb.
[00:21:35]  I bet you this gets me.
[00:21:36]  Say again?
[00:21:37]  I bet you this gets him up.
[00:21:38]  Because girls got to find out.
[00:21:39]  Yep.
[00:21:40]  All these girls are like, oh, shit, I want to see him.
[00:21:42]  What's so special?
[00:21:44]  And none of them hated on the dick.
[00:21:45]  None of them hated on, so far as of what I've seen, like none of them hated on the experience.
[00:21:50]  They enjoyed being with him.
[00:21:51]  Yeah.
[00:21:52]  And they had a good time with him from what I see.
[00:21:55]  So they're upset that he didn't share that.
[00:21:57]  Yeah.
[00:21:58]  Which is always an ego hit.
[00:21:59]  That fucking sucks.
[00:22:01]  And hit two, you're like, God damn it, son of a bitch.
[00:22:03]  Right?
[00:22:04]  This person didn't like me as much as I like them.
[00:22:06]  Yeah.
[00:22:06]  That's frustrating.
[00:22:07]  To take that to the internet and try to trash somebody and like galvanize and get a bunch of other people together, regardless.
[00:22:12]  Guys or girls doing that to the opposite sex, it's just fucked up.
[00:22:16]  That's fucked up.
[00:22:17]  You know, it's funny.
[00:22:18]  There's a text of him responding to one of the girls, and he's like, yo, my life has been ruined.
[00:22:22]  A lot of girls are just making stuff up that isn't true.
[00:22:25]  Some of these girls are saying I didn't pay for dates.
[00:22:26]  And it's like, that's the thing.
[00:22:29]  Yeah, That's the thing you're working on.
[00:22:32]  But son, how could he afford all these dates?
[00:22:33]  That's absolutely dates.
[00:22:34]  West Elm's paying them good, bro.
[00:22:36]  Yo, real talk.
[00:22:37]  Like, I remember back in the day when I was dating a lot, and I was like, I think I got to start choosing like restaurants.
[00:22:43]  Yeah, top-tier date.
[00:22:45]  Yeah, like, what are we doing exactly?
[00:22:47]  Yeah.
[00:22:47]  Like, or the advertiser, like, yo, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:22:50]  Yeah.
[00:22:51]  Grab some food before.
[00:22:52]  Yeah.
[00:22:52]  That's why I remember my pickup line used to be on the apps.
[00:22:56]  The first one was, do you like tacos?
[00:22:57]  Nachos.
[00:22:58]  Or nachos.
[00:22:58]  Yeah, I remember I tried that.
[00:23:00]  I got ghosted.
[00:23:01]  That shit worked every time.
[00:23:03]  That shit literally tried.
[00:23:04]  It was 90.
[00:23:05]  I was seen, bro.
[00:23:07]  Seen.
[00:23:07]  Latino girls.
[00:23:08]  Yeah, it is fucked up.
[00:23:09]  The girl was Spanish.
[00:23:10]  And I realized that's a little bit insensitive.
[00:23:12]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:23:13]  Matching an Indian girl.
[00:23:14]  You like 10 dirty chicken?
[00:23:17]  It's a little fucked up.
[00:23:18]  I should have looked into that app.
[00:23:20]  That was on me.
[00:23:20]  Fuck.
[00:23:21]  That lie might work.
[00:23:22]  That shit worked.
[00:23:23]  That was years ago.
[00:23:23]  It probably doesn't work now, but that shit used to work.
[00:23:26]  Yeah.
[00:23:26]  You said it to me, and I was like, oh, fuck, this guy figured something out.
[00:23:30]  Everybody likes nachos.
[00:23:32]  They do.
[00:23:32]  Not everyone.
[00:23:34]  Not everyone.
[00:23:35]  This lactose intolerance fucking time.
[00:23:37]  Not everybody's a vegan at all.
[00:23:39]  It's extra bullshit.
[00:23:39]  But back then.
[00:23:40]  But there was a time.
[00:23:41]  Yeah.
[00:23:42]  Absolute banger.
[00:23:43]  Free West Elm Caleb.
[00:23:44]  That's all I got to say.
[00:23:46]  Give this guy his life back.
[00:23:47]  Stop fucking piling.
[00:23:48]  Hey, we're offering you the forum.
[00:23:50]  West Elm Caleb.
[00:23:50]  Yeah, we need West Elm on, or we want one of the girls that he dated.
[00:23:53]  Maybe one of the girls he dated and West Elm together.
[00:23:56]  Oh, that would be fire.
[00:23:58]  Let's see if he is 6'4.
[00:24:00]  Yeah, we're gonna measure him.
[00:24:01]  That's why we bring him in, right?
[00:24:02]  Yeah, that's why.
[00:24:03]  Okay, yeah, this is gonna be good.
[00:24:05]  Okay, what else we got?
[00:24:07]  Um, fun weekends.
[00:24:08]  We went out there, we did some shows up in Oxnard, and then we went to the UFC 270.
[00:24:13]  All right, guys, infamous tour.
[00:24:14]  We're on the west coast, okay?
[00:24:16]  We are in Sacramento this coming Saturday.
[00:24:19]  Incredibly excited.
[00:24:20]  Love performing in Sacramento.
[00:24:21]  I think we have a few tickets left for that show.
[00:24:23]  Go get them before those are gone.
[00:24:24]  Then we're out there in Brea and then Coachella.
[00:24:27]  Make sure you check us out in the casino out there in Coachella.
[00:24:30]  That show is going to be absolutely wild.
[00:24:31]  Then we're up there in San Jose.
[00:24:33]  Go get that.
[00:24:34]  And then we got a bunch more shows all across America.
[00:24:36]  We got Birmingham, New Orleans, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, okay?
[00:24:40]  And New York City and Atlantic City, waiting to find out some news about Canada.
[00:24:45]  Okay.
[00:24:46]  We should have news by next week what the deal is with Canada.
[00:24:49]  Obviously, they're terrified of this Omicron variant that kills nobody because that's just what Canada does sometimes.
[00:24:55]  And they're trying to restrict the great people of Canada from having an absolutely fantastic night of comedy.
[00:25:00]  This is such a bummer.
[00:25:01]  So we're going to figure that out by next week.
[00:25:03]  We'll have an answer for you on that.
[00:25:04]  Akash, what you got?
[00:25:05]  Yo, this weekend, I'm at the Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois.
[00:25:09]  So anybody in the Chicago area, bring your ass out to that show.
[00:25:12]  Next week, February 3rd through 5th, I'm in Richmond, Virginia at Sandman Comedy Club.
[00:25:16]  So, Cal, I'm coming to y'all at the end of February.
[00:25:19]  February 20th, I'm going to be at Oxnard at Levity Live, February 23rd at the Improv in Irvine, February 24th at the Improv in Ontario, February 25th in LA proper, Hollywood Dynasty typewriter theater.
[00:25:31]  Bring that ass through March 11th, Vancouver Playhouse.
[00:25:35]  I'm coming to Canada.
[00:25:36]  And then March 18th through 20th, back home in Texas at San Antonio at LOL Comedy Club.
[00:25:41]  April 1st and 2nd, still Texas, Austin, Vulcan Gasco.
[00:25:45]  And then, of course, April 22nd and 23rd, Royal Theater in Canada.
[00:25:49]  We're doing that show whether they let us in or not.
[00:25:50]  I don't give a fuck.
[00:25:51]  So get your tickets at akashing.com and let's get back to the show.
[00:25:54]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second.
[00:25:56]  Listen, we know what's happening right now.
[00:25:59]  Football's going absolutely crazy.
[00:26:00]  Everybody's interested.
[00:26:01]  Everybody's excited.
[00:26:03]  You're going to gamble, okay?
[00:26:04]  You're going to gamble on it and you're going to do it in a way to make the most money.
[00:26:08]  And that's with my bookie.
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[00:26:47]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:26:49]  And then we went to the UFC 270.
[00:26:51]  Tell us about it.
[00:26:53]  Okay.
[00:26:53]  I will say this: the UFC has mastered the live show.
[00:26:58]  So good.
[00:26:59]  Unbelievable.
[00:27:00]  And what I mean by that is: here's the perfect example.
[00:27:02]  Al, you've been to a boxing match before?
[00:27:04]  Yeah.
[00:27:04]  Live fight?
[00:27:05]  Yeah.
[00:27:05]  Let's say you're going to Floyd Mayweather fight.
[00:27:08]  When do the famous people come?
[00:27:10]  Oh, right before the main event.
[00:27:12]  Yeah.
[00:27:12]  This is what I was looking at when I was there.
[00:27:14]  I was like, when are the famous people going to get in here and sit down?
[00:27:17]  Because famous people for boxing matches, they just come for Floyd.
[00:27:20]  They just come.
[00:27:21]  Maybe for the last two, if the last two are big fights, but rarely.
[00:27:24]  But they want everybody to see them coming in.
[00:27:26]  Exactly.
[00:27:26]  They want to see them, you wearing the crazy outfits instead of you get caught.
[00:27:30]  The famous people are here for the entire main card.
[00:27:33]  Not just the last two fights, probably the last like four fights or five fights.
[00:27:36]  Mike Tyson, Tyson, Dwayne Wade, Dwayne Wade.
[00:27:39]  They had the Nelk Boys in there.
[00:27:42]  They had Johnny Knoxville, Mark Wahlberg.
[00:27:45]  I mean, it was all of them were there.
[00:27:47]  This whole section for them is there, and it's fucking rampacked for the whole man card.
[00:27:51]  And I'm looking around, and we were all talking.
[00:27:54]  We're like, what is going on here?
[00:27:55]  There wasn't a second of distraction.
[00:27:57]  They had light show going on.
[00:27:59]  They had music constantly.
[00:28:00]  The music was good.
[00:28:01]  It wasn't bullshit.
[00:28:02]  Like, you felt like you were at a concert.
[00:28:03]  I think they had a DJ, like a live DJ.
[00:28:05]  Oh, it's in the back.
[00:28:05]  Yeah.
[00:28:06]  Okay, that makes sense.
[00:28:06]  Now, he didn't have a booth where you saw him, but he was paying attention enough to like the people that he was entertaining.
[00:28:13]  And the whole experience was fucking unreal.
[00:28:16]  And I'm looking at this and I'm like, this is what you get when you have one institution controlling it.
[00:28:21]  Back in the day, when the fights were on HBO or Showtime, there was different promoters that would end up doing those fights.
[00:28:27]  Sometimes it was promoted by Don King.
[00:28:29]  Sometimes it was Bob Aram.
[00:28:30]  And they were in partnership with HBO.
[00:28:32]  But it's harder to be consistent in the production you put out if you don't know what that producer wants to cough up for that production.
[00:28:39]  When you are the UFC, you control every dollar coming in and out.
[00:28:43]  And they have invested in making that live show a fucking unbelievable experience.
[00:28:48]  And I mean, it was just so good, dude.
[00:28:51]  It was just so good through and through.
[00:28:54]  As someone who performs live for a living, I look at other live performances and I'm like, how are they going to keep these people entertained?
[00:29:00]  It was amazing.
[00:29:02]  Like you didn't want, dude, watching a basketball game sucks compared to it.
[00:29:06]  Sucks.
[00:29:07]  Like, I can't wait to leave and get a drink or something when I'm watching a basketball game as long as it's not the fourth quarter.
[00:29:11]  I'm like, this is boring, like, whatever.
[00:29:13]  Like, unless it's a super heated playoff game or something.
[00:29:15]  This was non-stop distraction, stimulus, and it was the best live event in the fight game that I've seen.
[00:29:22]  It's funny you say that because even watching, I had to tape the games because I was editing this weekend, the playoff games.
[00:29:26]  Even watching, I was like, let's just fast forward to the fucking fourth goal.
[00:29:30]  Let's just go.
[00:29:30]  And football is masterful.
[00:29:32]  And I'm 30 seconds ahead every okay.
[00:29:33]  There's a play.
[00:29:33]  Let's go.
[00:29:34]  I don't need to hear commentary.
[00:29:35]  And football, you're like, yeah, it's the most exciting to watch on TV.
[00:29:38]  You red zoned it yourself.
[00:29:40]  Yeah.
[00:29:40]  I was like, let's just get to.
[00:29:42]  And the games are fucking amazing.
[00:29:43]  But I was like, it's too quarters.
[00:29:44]  Do I really need to watch the first half?
[00:29:47]  Yeah.
[00:29:47]  And UFC, you're going to sit for the whole thing.
[00:29:49]  And I was curious as you were talking, what would Mike Tyson say about a UFC live event versus a boxing live event?
[00:29:55]  Interesting.
[00:29:55]  I would actually like to hear, as a fucking boxing fanatic that he is, is he still more entertained by UFC?
[00:30:01]  If so, why?
[00:30:02]  Yeah, that's a great question.
[00:30:03]  I don't know.
[00:30:04]  We got to get him on and ask him.
[00:30:05]  I don't know.
[00:30:06]  Again, outsider, I think UFC, it seems like they do a great job of hyping up the undercards that were good fights.
[00:30:11]  And I think boxing tries, but UFC seems to successfully do it.

=== UFC Seats and Disrespectful Events (09:30) ===

[00:30:14]  But it's hard because you're not as invested in those people because you might not promote them.
[00:30:18]  And oftentimes with boxing, it's two promoters working together.
[00:30:21]  So each promoter has this list of fighters.
[00:30:24]  Neither one of them wants to see them lose because one loss in boxing is the equivalent of like 10 losses in UFC, right?
[00:30:29]  So it's like, why would they work together to make sure it's a good fight?
[00:30:32]  So then the other person that you get is some tomato can that your guy can beat up and that's boring.
[00:30:37]  Every one of these UFC fights is competitive.
[00:30:39]  They know if they put on a good show and that they'll be back out there.
[00:30:41]  And the UFC is invested in promoting every single one of their fighters that they have under contract.
[00:30:46]  Yeah.
[00:30:46]  And even if you lose, if you fight your ass off, you're valiant.
[00:30:48]  Then we'll, you'll get a watch.
[00:30:50]  It'll be like a win.
[00:30:51]  It'll be an emotional win.
[00:30:52]  100%.
[00:30:52]  Huh?
[00:30:53]  Dude, it was.
[00:30:55]  Yeah.
[00:30:55]  I mean, what did you think, Mark?
[00:30:56]  Yeah, I mean, insane.
[00:30:57]  Like, you're captivated the whole time.
[00:30:59]  We were there for, what, four or five hours?
[00:31:00]  Yeah.
[00:31:01]  And there's only like an hour of action.
[00:31:03]  Yeah.
[00:31:04]  Like altogether between all the fights and all the rounds.
[00:31:06]  Yeah.
[00:31:06]  So it has like this really great capability of like you're sitting there, like you can't kind of hang in between.
[00:31:10]  Yeah.
[00:31:11]  Like there's something to watch.
[00:31:12]  So you don't have to necessarily talk.
[00:31:13]  You can like network.
[00:31:14]  Yeah.
[00:31:14]  And then the fight starts and it's just locked in.
[00:31:16]  Yeah.
[00:31:16]  Watching the most intense, like intense like melee.
[00:31:19]  Yeah.
[00:31:19]  And then it just breaks up throughout the night.
[00:31:21]  It's really awesome.
[00:31:21]  And then the fans in Anaheim specifically were great.
[00:31:24]  Listen, if it's a professional fight that doesn't have Mexicans, don't even go.
[00:31:34]  After you're in an arena full of Mexican fans, dude, this is what like soccer fans must get in Europe, like that kind of like love connectivity.
[00:31:44]  South America, you like that, maybe the most insane fan base of any sport ever.
[00:31:48]  The best.
[00:31:49]  So much fucking love.
[00:31:50]  So much passi, sepu.
[00:31:52]  You can't do it.
[00:31:53]  There's one of the fighters' names was Brandon Moreno.
[00:31:55]  So an entire arena full of Mexicans is screaming, let's go, Brandon.
[00:32:01]  Right?
[00:32:01]  And it's just the only time that that happens, there's zero politics involved.
[00:32:04]  Like, it was just like, the energy was fucking unreal, man.
[00:32:08]  You need, you need Mexicans or like a culturally in sync group of people that is just so fucking fervent as a fan.
[00:32:16]  Yeah.
[00:32:17]  As like a fan base for a fight.
[00:32:19]  I'm sure like Filipinos are the same way with Manny Pacquiao or like Puerto Ricans when it was boxing, but like that just makes it so much more special.
[00:32:25]  Right.
[00:32:26]  Like every go.
[00:32:27]  Speaking of that, like how would you compare it to the Lucha Libre?
[00:32:31]  Ooh, interesting.
[00:32:33]  Entertaining the whole way through.
[00:32:35]  I mean, it's similar vibe, but like there's just way higher stakes.
[00:32:39]  Yes.
[00:32:39]  You know, like you watch Lucha Libre, like just being able to sit back in your chair, like, oh, wow, this is fun.
[00:32:42]  Lucha Libre, for everybody who's listening, that is the like WWE, but in Mexico.
[00:32:46]  Yeah, and we went to Master.
[00:32:48]  We went for Andrew's Bachelor of Parties, the one event I didn't leave early.
[00:32:50]  But yeah, that is great.
[00:32:52]  Oh, yeah.
[00:32:53]  The one event I didn't leave early.
[00:32:54]  Oh, yeah.
[00:32:55]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:32:56]  But you watch it and it's like, oh, yeah, I can just sit back and enjoy this almost like soap opera type thing.
[00:33:00]  Yeah.
[00:33:00]  It's like a TV novella.
[00:33:02]  But then if you go to the UFC fight, it's like you can't look away.
[00:33:04]  It's only many ones.
[00:33:06]  Yeah, it's literally Lucha Libre if they could become bloody and unconscious.
[00:33:13]  Like Lucha Libre has to.
[00:33:14]  It's unscripted.
[00:33:15]  Yeah, it's unscripted.
[00:33:16]  It's like Lucha Libre has to do these like really cool theatrical stunts.
[00:33:20]  Yeah.
[00:33:20]  You have choreographed pieces.
[00:33:22]  Yeah, exactly.
[00:33:23]  Wrestling matches.
[00:33:23]  It's dance in a lot of ways, like this crazy gymnastics.
[00:33:26]  And we would get really excited, I think, based on the level of difficulty of those tricks.
[00:33:32]  And that's the stakes.
[00:33:32]  And those are the same.
[00:33:33]  People have famously died.
[00:33:34]  Like La Barca died doing a stunt in an actual match.
[00:33:37]  Oh, I didn't know that.
[00:33:37]  Jesus Christ.
[00:33:39]  Holy shit.
[00:33:39]  And so that's the stakes you're watching for.
[00:33:41]  Exactly.
[00:33:42]  And now those stakes are baked into every interaction.
[00:33:44]  Yeah.
[00:33:45]  But it's just, they fucking get it, dude.
[00:33:47]  And it was one of those things where, like, Mark and I are sitting there, we're watching it.
[00:33:50]  And like, all we're thinking is like, oh, how can we incorporate this into how can we make our shows as entertaining through and through?
[00:33:58]  You know, what can we, and dude, one of the coolest things, I'm hyped right now on this, but one of the coolest things was really interesting.
[00:34:03]  We're sitting, we're watching it, right?
[00:34:05]  How are the seats?
[00:34:06]  Does it matter?
[00:34:07]  Phenomenal.
[00:34:08]  They did a great job.
[00:34:09]  They did a great job.
[00:34:10]  And we're sitting, we're watching it.
[00:34:13]  And we look left.
[00:34:15]  Now, if you're watching the octagon right here, we look left and there's the door to leave the arena, right?
[00:34:23]  And through the door, you see an ambulance.
[00:34:27]  It is the first thing outside the door.
[00:34:30]  And it's not left there like intentionally to like scare people watching, of course.
[00:34:34]  It just so happened that it was right there when we looked over, but it's this beautiful reminder of the carnage that exists in the ring.
[00:34:41]  Like in the stakes, it's like, this is so dangerous.
[00:34:45]  The ambulance needs to be right outside the door.
[00:34:48]  Right.
[00:34:48]  Because if something bad happens, every second counts.
[00:34:52]  Right.
[00:34:52]  And I think they should do that shit on purpose.
[00:34:55]  Like, it's just a beautiful reminder.
[00:34:57]  Like, this shit ain't a game.
[00:34:58]  Yeah.
[00:34:58]  Like, you think it's a game, everybody's talking all that shit.
[00:35:00]  You think it's WWE.
[00:35:01]  There's a fucking ambulance there.
[00:35:03]  Yeah.
[00:35:03]  And somebody's leaving a stretcher.
[00:35:05]  My favorite part of the fight was that it wasn't any of the fighters.
[00:35:07]  Wasn't any like anything that happened in the Octagon?
[00:35:09]  It was that one person had a better seat than you.
[00:35:11]  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:35:13]  Shout out to fucking Shane Gillis, man.
[00:35:16]  That shit made me so happy.
[00:35:17]  Yo, yo, yo, yo, yeah.
[00:35:19]  I hope he talks about it on his podcast, but it was so funny.
[00:35:22]  So we, listen, I rolled, I've rolled deep.
[00:35:26]  Yeah.
[00:35:27]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:35:27]  I rolled deep no matter what because I am very grateful.
[00:35:31]  Like, you know, where I am in this business is a product of everybody's work, right?
[00:35:35]  So I want everybody to experience these things, right?
[00:35:39]  And, but I was so fucking tight.
[00:35:41]  So I told Joe, right?
[00:35:43]  I told, I told Rogan, I was like, yo, we're going to the fight.
[00:35:46]  We'll see you there.
[00:35:47]  And he goes, yo, do you need me to get you seats?
[00:35:49]  And I was like, well, that the UFC reached out and they want to get seats.
[00:35:53]  And I don't want to, you know, I don't want to, what is it, like bite the hand that feeds you, that kind of thing.
[00:35:58]  It's going to be disrespectful.
[00:35:59]  Yeah, I don't want to be disrespectful.
[00:36:00]  But it was really nice for them to offer seats.
[00:36:02]  You know what I mean?
[00:36:02]  And we're coming through with five people.
[00:36:03]  So it's nice to them put it up.
[00:36:05]  But then I hit him.
[00:36:06]  I was like, I mean, but do you think yours are going to be better?
[00:36:10]  Right?
[00:36:10]  Now, what he says to me, he goes, I'm sure they'll be in the same area.
[00:36:13]  And I was like, okay, cool.
[00:36:14]  So you can't question that.
[00:36:16]  Even if that sounds like there's going to be better seats than mine, you can't be like, yeah, but are they going to be better than my specific girl?
[00:36:21]  Then you seem like a dick, bro.
[00:36:22]  Yeah.
[00:36:24]  We go, they give us five seats.
[00:36:27]  We have two on the floor.
[00:36:28]  Right.
[00:36:28]  Right.
[00:36:29]  And then there's three up on the like perfect.
[00:36:33]  It's like section 208, but it's actually like the middle.
[00:36:36]  It's like center court if you're the basketball court and looking right in the ring.
[00:36:40]  It's awesome.
[00:36:41]  Objectively better seat at 208.
[00:36:43]  Yeah, it was.
[00:36:44]  Like I went and watched a few fights with you guys there and I was like, this is a much better viewing line.
[00:36:47]  It's done.
[00:36:48]  It's right behind like all the VIP people, like all the announcers.
[00:36:50]  You're looking at Johnny Knoxville's head.
[00:36:52]  You're looking at Tyson's head.
[00:36:53]  You're looking at everybody coming.
[00:36:54]  It was fucking cool.
[00:36:54]  On the floor, we were looking up half the time at the screens.
[00:36:57]  At the screen.
[00:36:57]  Yeah, it is.
[00:36:58]  Just because of the angle and everything.
[00:36:59]  Now, the energy on the floor is really cool.
[00:37:01]  You're walking right up to the gate.
[00:37:02]  You're saying, hi, the Bruce Buffer right at the gate.
[00:37:03]  You know, Rogan, D.C., they're right there.
[00:37:05]  You say, what's up?
[00:37:06]  It's just, it's awesome.
[00:37:07]  But I saw fucking Shane.
[00:37:08]  I'm like, this motherfucker, Shane is like basically coaching the fighters.
[00:37:14]  Like, Shane could spit into the ring from his chair.
[00:37:17]  100%.
[00:37:17]  Like, if he laughed hard drinking a Bud Light, he would spit the Bud Light on the fighters 100%.
[00:37:24]  And I didn't know where he was.
[00:37:25]  I was like, because Rogan said he was there.
[00:37:26]  I was like, yo, where are you?
[00:37:28]  And then I just saw his dumb head fucking pop up.
[00:37:31]  His literally pops up from like right behind one of the cameras.
[00:37:34]  Like, he's so close.
[00:37:36]  He's so close.
[00:37:37]  And I was like, this motherfucker, dude, I should have cooked the goddamn tickets from Joe.
[00:37:41]  I walk up to go say hi.
[00:37:43]  I go up.
[00:37:43]  I'm like, yo, come to the banister.
[00:37:45]  I walk up.
[00:37:45]  He walks over and a security guard goes, sir, you can't bother the people on this side of the floor.
[00:37:51]  Bro, Shane, we all kind of dress furious.
[00:37:54]  Shane's wearing like a hoodie and like a Pennsylvania shipping solutions hat.
[00:37:58]  Like literally, like he looks like he's there to fix the ring.
[00:38:02]  He's like, yeah, the fence broke a little bit.
[00:38:04]  Dude, it was so funny.
[00:38:05]  And I hope he talks about this on his pod.
[00:38:06]  But like the night before, he got to hang out with Nate Diaz and his boys.
[00:38:09]  Oh, like they just went out.
[00:38:11]  Oh, shit.
[00:38:11]  I hope he talks about it.
[00:38:12]  He probably fit in perfectly.
[00:38:13]  Bro, the stories are hilarious.
[00:38:15]  The stories are fucking hilarious.
[00:38:17]  But I hope he talks about it.
[00:38:18]  And then we went and grabbed some dinner afterwards.
[00:38:20]  That was fun.
[00:38:20]  And then I drank too much red wine and I just violently vomited at an airport bathroom for fucking.
[00:38:25]  Yeah, what?
[00:38:26]  All I know is we were trying to set up a Zoom call to meet about what we're going to talk about today.
[00:38:29]  And then Andrew goes, I just threw up everywhere in the airport bathroom.
[00:38:32]  And then I talked to him an hour later and he's like, yeah, there was literally vomit coming out of the sides of the stall into the other stalls.
[00:38:39]  Just fucking red rum out of the elevator.
[00:38:42]  It really was.
[00:38:42]  It was pure red, a little bits of broccoli, projectile vomiting, right?
[00:38:48]  And I understand why people like put their face right over the toilet because like I was vomiting from a standing position.
[00:38:54]  So it was just going everywhere.
[00:38:55]  What the fuck did you think was going to happen?
[00:38:57]  I don't know.
[00:38:58]  I have a penis.
[00:38:58]  I pee directly in it, but it came out like a girl's pussy.
[00:39:01]  Like it was just like how girls pee.
[00:39:02]  It just splattered everywhere.
[00:39:03]  I saw both shoes on either sides of the stalls next to me seawalk out of the way.
[00:39:11]  100%.
[00:39:13]  I was vomiting all over both of their feet.
[00:39:15]  And the beautiful thing about throwing up on someone is they can't attack you because they'll just get even more throw up on you.
[00:39:22]  So I just stood there fucking thrown up.
[00:39:25]  I ate some bread.
[00:39:26]  Volley got me a bagel and some toast and I rallied and I got onto that flight.
[00:39:32]  And then you took a six-hour flight.
[00:39:34]  And then I took a six-hour flight.
[00:39:35]  That was before the flight.
[00:39:36]  Right before the flight.
[00:39:37]  Yeah.
[00:39:38]  Absolutely brutal.
[00:39:40]  Yeah.
[00:39:41]  It was absolutely brutal.
[00:39:42]  Yeah.
[00:39:42]  What was the fight of the night, by the way?

=== Tyson Fury Fight Style Changes (05:19) ===

[00:39:45]  The actual fight of the night or our pick?
[00:39:47]  Our pick, right?
[00:39:48]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:39:49]  I am curious about Francis too because he's a homie and I heard he wasn't supposed to win and he won.
[00:39:52]  Yeah, the Francis Gon fight was really just read Twitter and then people were like, oh, he won.
[00:39:56]  And I was like, okay, yeah, he won.
[00:39:58]  I thought he won on points.
[00:39:59]  I thought Gon was really good.
[00:40:00]  But what Francis did is, and I didn't realize this, is that he had this element, but he basically just took him down.
[00:40:06]  Like he was getting outstruck.
[00:40:08]  And then he just said, I'm bigger than you.
[00:40:10]  Yeah.
[00:40:11]  I did not exceed, like, oh, yeah, Francis is going to wrestle the wrestler.
[00:40:14]  Like, Gon has a wrestling martial arts background.
[00:40:17]  Yeah, I think he would do like Muay Thai.
[00:40:19]  Yeah.
[00:40:20]  He had like Muay Thai fights and that kind of thing.
[00:40:21]  So if I'm going to the ground, I don't want to go to the ground with this guy.
[00:40:23]  Yeah.
[00:40:23]  Francis goes, I don't care.
[00:40:25]  And just leans on him.
[00:40:26]  Leans on him.
[00:40:27]  And just, I mean, it was really, it was really interesting to see him switch that gear.
[00:40:32]  And it was funny because like the day before, there's a video came out with a DC.
[00:40:36]  You know, DC, Daniel Cormier.
[00:40:38]  And Daniel Cormier is like always teasing the fighters when he always like pretends to wrestle.
[00:40:42]  Like he's like a real gym dude.
[00:40:44]  You can tell.
[00:40:44]  You know, it's like, you ever go to the boxing gym and a guy starts like shadow boxing for you?
[00:40:48]  Like that's just their communication skills or whatever.
[00:40:51]  And he did that.
[00:40:52]  And then Francis kind of like blocked the takedown.
[00:40:54]  And France and DC's like, oh, he's a wrestler now.
[00:40:58]  He's a wrestler now.
[00:40:58]  And then literally the next day, wrestling is what wins him that fight.
[00:41:02]  And this is an interesting thing because he's the UFC champ without any contract to fight anymore.
[00:41:09]  Yeah, it's fascinating.
[00:41:09]  So we could see the UFC not renew his contract and then a UFC champ get stripped of their title for nothing more than not being able to have more fights on a contract.
[00:41:22]  So he technically didn't really lose it in the ring.
[00:41:25]  So even if he's not fighting anymore, that's still the real UFC champ.
[00:41:29]  Yeah, wow.
[00:41:29]  And he wants to box.
[00:41:32]  He wants the big money fight with Tyson Fury.
[00:41:36]  And of course, the UFC is going, I don't want to let my fighters be able to just go box whenever they want because if I give them that contract, then they're all going to ask for the same thing.
[00:41:43]  Right.
[00:41:43]  Now, I'm sure, just like what happened with Floyd and Connor, I'm sure if they made a big money fight and the UFC got a piece of that, a significant piece, which is what happened with Connor, that they could work something out.
[00:41:55]  But there was a lot of stakes on this fight.
[00:41:58]  He loses.
[00:41:59]  He has no negotiation.
[00:42:00]  Leverage gone.
[00:42:01]  Oh, shit.
[00:42:02]  Yeah.
[00:42:02]  But he did the damn thing.
[00:42:03]  He did the fucking damn thing.
[00:42:05]  He is like, I mean, he's just got to be pound for pound, like the baddest man on the planet.
[00:42:09]  Undeniable, right?
[00:42:11]  Like, insane power, size, reach.
[00:42:14]  Like, fight IQ was good.
[00:42:16]  Yeah.
[00:42:16]  Like, fought with a torn MCL completely and strange ACL.
[00:42:22]  Happened a few weeks ago.
[00:42:23]  And he's like, I don't want to pull out of the fight.
[00:42:25]  And I noticed I saw him wearing these like knee.
[00:42:28]  And I thought some of it was really smart.
[00:42:30]  If you hurt one of your knees.
[00:42:31]  Yeah.
[00:42:33]  Yeah.
[00:42:34]  If you hurt one of your knees and you put a knee brace on just one, if I'm fighting you after that knee, I'm attacking that knee.
[00:42:41]  If you hurt one of your knees and put them on both, I'm going, ah, yeah, maybe his knees are sore from training, but there's not actual significant damage to one of them.
[00:42:51]  And even then, you might forget even during the fight which one it is.
[00:42:54]  Fuck.
[00:42:54]  So I thought that was a pretty smart tactic.
[00:42:56]  What a host, dude.
[00:42:57]  Right?
[00:42:58]  Yeah.
[00:42:58]  And then it was insane watching that fight directly after Brandon Moreno.
[00:43:02]  Yeah.
[00:43:02]  Like going from super heavyweight, biggest guys in the fucking institution to like the small, or from the smallest guys to the biggest guys.
[00:43:09]  Yeah.
[00:43:10]  Like seeing the fight style change.
[00:43:12]  Completely.
[00:43:12]  Yeah.
[00:43:13]  Really interesting.
[00:43:14]  Yeah, it was just, it was great.
[00:43:15]  It was, it was a lot of fun.
[00:43:17]  And I'm curious to see what happens.
[00:43:18]  I hope that he is able to fight Tyson Fury.
[00:43:20]  Yeah.
[00:43:21]  I think a knockout would have really propelled that fight further, but I mean, I just, I would love to see that.
[00:43:28]  He loved Francis, but does he have any chance against Tyson Fury boxing?
[00:43:31]  I want to say no.
[00:43:32]  The one that didn't you call Tyson Fury the greatest heavyweight ever?
[00:43:35]  I think.
[00:43:36]  And Francis Ngan is going to win.
[00:43:38]  I've never seen Francis Nganu fight.
[00:43:39]  I've also never seen Francis Ngano fight.
[00:43:41]  Okay.
[00:43:42]  You know what was interesting?
[00:43:43]  Ben Uyeda had an interesting story.
[00:43:44]  Our buddy Ben, we talk about on this podcast a lot.
[00:43:47]  We love Ben.
[00:43:48]  He came with us and he posted on his story of the 7 billion people on the planet.
[00:43:54]  These two guys are the best at fighting.
[00:43:57]  That's crazy.
[00:43:58]  Or like the most dominant fight or something like that.
[00:44:00]  Like can beat up every those two guys in the ring that we saw, of all the human beings on the planet, can fuck up the most people.
[00:44:07]  Every single one.
[00:44:08]  Now, that's pretty crazy.
[00:44:09]  Val was saying he's going to put John Jones in there.
[00:44:11]  But we don't know.
[00:44:12]  John Jones has never fought at heavyweight.
[00:44:14]  He says John Jones could take both of them.
[00:44:16]  He says it, but so far, we don't know.
[00:44:19]  And like we saw with Izzy when he went up in weight and fought Jan.
[00:44:26]  And like we've seen so many times when boxers go up in weight, it is difficult.
[00:44:29]  Yeah.
[00:44:30]  It is very difficult.
[00:44:30]  It doesn't matter how incredibly technically nobody's more technically skilled than Izzy.
[00:44:34]  Yeah.
[00:44:34]  But there's a certain point in time where 40 pounds.
[00:44:37]  That's exactly what you said Francis did to Gan that that's what happened to Izzy.
[00:44:42]  The guy just leaned on him.
[00:44:43]  40 pounds is 40 pounds, bro.
[00:44:45]  Yeah.
[00:44:46]  Yeah.
[00:44:47]  But it was pretty.
[00:44:48]  If John Jones came back, would Francis not go box and would he be like, all right, here's a super fight I can make my money here?
[00:44:55]  I think the big money fight is Tyson Fury.
[00:44:57]  And I hope that they work it out.
[00:44:58]  It'll just be fun for the fans.
[00:44:59]  I think the thing that they need to do is make sure it's less rounds.
[00:45:03]  Eight rounds.

=== Heavyweight Doubts and Weight Classes (14:50) ===

[00:45:04]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:45:05]  12 is crazy.
[00:45:05]  12 is crazy.
[00:45:06]  12 is eight.
[00:45:07]  That's not even going to be fun.
[00:45:09]  Eight rounds of heavyweights, even if one of them can't fight.
[00:45:12]  They're just fucking slugging each other.
[00:45:13]  That'd be fun.
[00:45:14]  I think that that's what we might see.
[00:45:15]  I think when there's less rounds, you have far more time to exhaust your cardio because you're not worrying about carrying it out.
[00:45:24]  But you're not saving something.
[00:45:26]  Yeah.
[00:45:26]  Right?
[00:45:26]  Like a six-round fight.
[00:45:27]  Like if you look at amateurs, three-round fights, they're going fucking crazy.
[00:45:30]  Yeah.
[00:45:31]  You know?
[00:45:31]  So I would love to see it.
[00:45:32]  We'll see what happens.
[00:45:33]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I got to make sure your dicks are hard.
[00:45:37]  Okay.
[00:45:38]  We're getting into deep winter right here.
[00:45:40]  It's cold outside and you might need that extra push to keep your lady happy.
[00:45:45]  Ladies, you deserve it.
[00:45:46]  You absolutely deserve it.
[00:45:48]  You deserve winter dick too.
[00:45:49]  Okay.
[00:45:50]  I know you might be growing out that bush a little bit.
[00:45:53]  Make sure that your coochie's nice and warm.
[00:45:55]  And you know what?
[00:45:56]  We don't care because we're going to get through that nice little forest.
[00:46:00]  We're going to cut through the thicket and we're going to give you the greatest dick you've ever had in your life.
[00:46:05]  And that's with Blue Chew.
[00:46:06]  Blue Chew is the truth.
[00:46:08]  Okay.
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[00:46:14]  Simple, same ingredients inside Viagra, Sealis, but this is the chew and you're going to get it for free.
[00:46:18]  All you got to do is go to bluechew.com.
[00:46:21]  Okay.
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[00:46:23]  And you know what?
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[00:46:24]  You just got to pay $5 shipping.
[00:46:26]  That's it.
[00:46:26]  Bluechew.com.
[00:46:27]  Use the promo code Flagrant and you pay that $5 shipping.
[00:46:30]  You're going to get the best dick of your life for free.
[00:46:32]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:46:34]  All right.
[00:46:34]  What else we got?
[00:46:35]  All right.
[00:46:35]  Can we talk about these slutty MMs?
[00:46:37]  Yes.
[00:46:38]  Oh, yeah.
[00:46:38]  Yes.
[00:46:39]  Let's talk about these candy-coated sluts.
[00:46:41]  Okay, that's a lot.
[00:46:42]  But the Mars Wrigley company came out and said that they're rebranding.
[00:46:45]  Melt them in her mouth, not in her hand.
[00:46:48]  The MMs.
[00:46:49]  Logo, as well as the MM characters.
[00:46:51]  Wait, Mars Wrigley are the owners.
[00:46:54]  Yeah.
[00:46:54]  And their products are doing the worst.
[00:46:57]  With Mars, nobody eats.
[00:46:59]  No, no.
[00:47:00]  Like a Mars bar.
[00:47:00]  Snickers is Mars.
[00:47:01]  But it's Marshall.
[00:47:02]  Mars at the Mars specifically.
[00:47:04]  The Mars bar, nobody eats.
[00:47:06]  Butterfinger, nobody eats.
[00:47:07]  But Mars.
[00:47:07]  And then Wrigley, like the Wrigley gum is done.
[00:47:10]  Nobody's getting 25 cent gum.
[00:47:12]  They don't know those things.
[00:47:13]  What I'm saying is they're not taking care of the original brands that they built.
[00:47:17]  Yeah.
[00:47:18]  I mean, they just moved on to the new heat, though.
[00:47:19]  They just moved on.
[00:47:20]  They just left it.
[00:47:21]  Sluts they are.
[00:47:23]  Yeah.
[00:47:23]  That's some slutty behavior.
[00:47:24]  Trifling ass chocolates.
[00:47:26]  I'm just saying, like, it makes sense now.
[00:47:27]  It completely makes sense.
[00:47:29]  So they came out with the new MMs and it's got people pissed off.
[00:47:32]  So you can see just based off the top, that was the old design.
[00:47:34]  Okay.
[00:47:35]  So there's just like some minor changes.
[00:47:37]  The yellow MM was wearing kind of like trash ass like heads and now he's got like ones, I think.
[00:47:41]  Okay, fine.
[00:47:42]  The orange guy's like slightly less anxious, but still concerned.
[00:47:45]  And the brown M ⁇ M still kind of got the same thing.
[00:47:48]  You can see she went from less of like a stiletto, kind of like a chunkier, like more like a kitten.
[00:47:52]  You know, leggings.
[00:47:53]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:47:53]  Got the leggings.
[00:47:54]  And then the biggest one is the green M ⁇ M that everyone's pissed about.
[00:47:57]  Because she had them boots, them sexy-ass boots.
[00:47:59]  Yeah, yo, she was a joint, bro.
[00:48:01]  She kind of was.
[00:48:02]  Yeah, the green M ⁇ M was pure sex, dog.
[00:48:04]  All they did was make them not white.
[00:48:07]  What do you mean?
[00:48:08]  Oh, wow.
[00:48:09]  Yeah, they were all white before, and then they just took away the color of their skin.
[00:48:13]  They just gave them leggings.
[00:48:14]  You don't know what they are.
[00:48:15]  But them boots, that green M ⁇ M. Was the green M ⁇ M a girl or Russell Brown?
[00:48:20]  And now they just with leggings and then just some sneakers.
[00:48:23]  Exactly.
[00:48:24]  So they're basically removing the gender or just trying to make them less sexual.
[00:48:28]  What the company said is that they're trying to make the characters and the mascots more representative of their consumer base in a post-COVID world.
[00:48:36]  More positivity associated with it.
[00:48:38]  Like the red M ⁇ M, who was always a bully to people, is now less so, less angry, more accepting, less of a commercial, less funny.
[00:48:46]  Why don't they just do that?
[00:48:48]  Why don't they have to have this big rollout?
[00:48:50]  Let's just do it.
[00:48:51]  Nobody cares.
[00:48:51]  Because then you can get some PR and remind people that they want to eat M ⁇ Ms. This is advertising.
[00:48:55]  So that's what this is.
[00:48:57]  If you want to know the why, we can get to that also.
[00:48:59]  Yes.
[00:49:00]  The why is more interesting to me because Mars is currently in a child slavery lawsuit in West Africa.
[00:49:07]  So wait a minute.
[00:49:08]  Hold on, hold on, hold on.
[00:49:10]  So wait a minute.
[00:49:12]  It's just such a funny redirect.
[00:49:14]  Like, that's such a kudos to you guys for redirecting from child slavery to taking the heels down on the brown M ⁇ M.
[00:49:21]  So apparently in like West Africa, like Molly, fucking Ivory Coast, Burkina Faso, Mars, Nestle, and Hershey pledged to stop using child labor and they haven't been able to deny it.
[00:49:33]  How are they using the child labor?
[00:49:36]  What do you mean?
[00:49:36]  What if they're taste testers?
[00:49:38]  I mean, what a great check.
[00:49:39]  That shit could be a good job.
[00:49:40]  If you're a child labor worker and then you have to come to work and just eat like almond M ⁇ Ms, you have to eat peanut M ⁇ Ms. If you have to eat the pretzel ones, the caramel ones.
[00:49:48]  You got to see which M ⁇ M is the sexiest.
[00:49:49]  That's a fun job.
[00:49:50]  100%.
[00:49:51]  I mean, so many people, I believe, in those countries are starving to death.
[00:49:54]  And for a living, you actually get to taste things.
[00:49:56]  You get to eat things.
[00:49:57]  I mean, this is...
[00:49:58]  That would be good, actually.
[00:49:59]  Phenomenal.
[00:50:00]  I think they're just mining cocoa beans out of the earth, though.
[00:50:02]  Oh, it's a little different.
[00:50:04]  It's a little different.
[00:50:05]  So they're getting the cocoa.
[00:50:07]  Yeah, that's what it seems like.
[00:50:09]  Any reason you got to use kids?
[00:50:10]  Are their hands more able to?
[00:50:12]  Is there at least a logical reason?
[00:50:14]  They love chocolate the most and they get to sniff it out.
[00:50:16]  And also because of how impoverished the areas are.
[00:50:19]  A lot of parents will just be like, yo, my kid's 14, we're poor.
[00:50:22]  Go to these guys and these basically traffickers will take a bunch of kids, go farm all these cocoa, say, hey, you're all 19 now, and send the money back to their parents.
[00:50:32]  Wow.
[00:50:34]  So a little dicey.
[00:50:35]  And they're doing this, I imagine, for many different brands.
[00:50:38]  They just happen to be buying the nuts.
[00:50:40]  Yeah, exactly.
[00:50:41]  Or the chocolate from this place.
[00:50:43]  Exactly.
[00:50:43]  So what we're hoping is that they do the same due diligence that we want Apple to do, where we're like, well, find out where you get your cobalt from because the cobalt mine could be mined by slaves.
[00:50:53]  Got you.
[00:50:53]  But they're just go, who has chocolate for the lowest price?
[00:50:56]  Here, they probably get their chocolate from a thousand different places around the country.
[00:51:00]  That's why it's like Nestle, Mars, and Hershey.
[00:51:03]  Now, if they own the mines, that's where shit gets fucked up.
[00:51:06]  Yeah, I'm not sure if they do or don't.
[00:51:07]  That'd be wild.
[00:51:08]  So all of a sudden.
[00:51:09]  Is it in a mine, a field?
[00:51:10]  Yeah, I don't know if it's in a mine.
[00:51:12]  Chocolate mines, dude.
[00:51:14]  Is there a chocolate mine?
[00:51:14]  Yeah, that's where you can get chocolate.
[00:51:15]  Pickaxe and chocolate mine.
[00:51:17]  Something with the light on it.
[00:51:18]  100%.
[00:51:18]  What do you mean?
[00:51:19]  Have you seen a chocolate mine?
[00:51:20]  Yes.
[00:51:21]  Where are they?
[00:51:21]  It's all different parts of Africa.
[00:51:24]  Have you seen Willy Wonka, bro?
[00:51:26]  Yeah.
[00:51:26]  100%.
[00:51:27]  And how do they get caves mining?
[00:51:28]  He was using child labor.
[00:51:30]  That's fucked up, bro.
[00:51:30]  Willy Wonka.
[00:51:31]  Oopa Lumpa's not children.
[00:51:32]  Oh, that's my man.
[00:51:33]  I didn't know they did.
[00:51:35]  We don't know.
[00:51:36]  Yeah.
[00:51:36]  Let's be honest.
[00:51:37]  We have no fucking clue.
[00:51:38]  I mean, they were slaves for sure.
[00:51:40]  Yeah, he had chocolate slaves.
[00:51:42]  Very different.
[00:51:45]  Different type of chocolate slaves, but those people are actually chocolate slips.
[00:51:49]  But now, despite the fact that they're trying to squash this massively big, like human rights issue with just like some benign marketing, all like the media punts have jumped on it.
[00:51:59]  The funniest.
[00:52:00]  Of course, we don't care about real things.
[00:52:02]  Let's care about MMs.
[00:52:03]  Yeah, exactly.
[00:52:03]  The funniest and the best one was Tucker Carlson.
[00:52:06]  Yeah, he was so good.
[00:52:07]  He's got to have bars, okay?
[00:52:09]  Bust it.
[00:52:10]  The other big change is that the brown Eminem has, quote, transitioned from high stilettos to lower block heels.
[00:52:17]  Also less sexy.
[00:52:18]  That's progress.
[00:52:20]  MMs will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous.
[00:52:27]  Until the moment you wouldn't want to have a drink with any one of them.
[00:52:30]  That's the goal.
[00:52:31]  When you're totally turned off, we've achieved equity.
[00:52:35]  They've won.
[00:52:36]  Man.
[00:52:36]  They've won from Tucker Carl.
[00:52:38]  When he's turned off by cartoon candies, he's really trying to fuck an Eminem, I think.
[00:52:42]  Yeah.
[00:52:43]  And then this is another clip he's doing.
[00:52:44]  Acknowledge and embrace his anxiety.
[00:52:47]  And actually, if you look at him, the orange MM does appear very anxious.
[00:52:51]  Maybe he doesn't like all the ugly new shoes he sees around him.
[00:52:54]  Maybe he liked the sexy boots.
[00:52:57]  Maybe the orange MM is a secret sexist himself.
[00:53:01]  We don't know.
[00:53:02]  We're going to let NPR get to the bottom.
[00:53:04]  All right, so what's your take?
[00:53:04]  Eminem rebranding.
[00:53:05]  I'm just relieved because this whole time we've been wondering about Tucker Carlton's sexuality actually makes the most sense.
[00:53:10]  This guy fucks cartoons.
[00:53:11]  Yeah.
[00:53:12]  Doesn't he look like a guy who would fuck anime porn?
[00:53:13]  Like jerk off anime porn.
[00:53:15]  All of a sudden it adds up.
[00:53:16]  You wouldn't fuck anime porn if you could.
[00:53:19]  I mean, it'd probably be the best.
[00:53:21]  You think so?
[00:53:22]  Yeah, 100%.
[00:53:23]  Because it could be anything you want.
[00:53:24]  You know what I mean?
[00:53:25]  Yeah.
[00:53:25]  Or just what's there?
[00:53:26]  Like, you wouldn't take down Mrs. Incredible, just get behind that back.
[00:53:29]  Yeah, no, of course.
[00:53:31]  100%.
[00:53:31]  Marge Simpson.
[00:53:32]  Marge Simpson, no chance.
[00:53:34]  You seen those ads, right?
[00:53:35]  You seen those ads?
[00:53:36]  No, she's stacked.
[00:53:37]  She had, bro.
[00:53:38]  She's super stacked.
[00:53:39]  The mom for family guy.
[00:53:40]  You seen those ones?
[00:53:41]  Oh, yeah.
[00:53:41]  She had a super fatty and this crazy dumper.
[00:53:43]  Yeah.
[00:53:44]  Anyway, yeah, what do I think about this?
[00:53:46]  I just hate this shit.
[00:53:47]  But now I know that they're doing it on purpose.
[00:53:49]  They're doing it so that we talk about it.
[00:53:51]  I can't really hate it that much because it's working.
[00:53:54]  Yeah.
[00:53:54]  It's what is it called?
[00:53:56]  Cancel marketing.
[00:53:58]  There's another way.
[00:53:58]  Outrage marketing.
[00:53:59]  It's like do something that people are going to get outraged by.
[00:54:02]  And just like you said, you're like, you know what?
[00:54:03]  It's fucked up that they're changing the colors of MMs or they're changing the characteristics of the Mars bars.
[00:54:10]  When was the last time anybody ever heard anyone talk about a fucking Mars bar?
[00:54:15]  In the variety pack.
[00:54:16]  Yeah.
[00:54:16]  Yeah, and it's the worst one.
[00:54:17]  I think they phased it out last shit, too.
[00:54:19]  Yeah.
[00:54:20]  Milk way sure.
[00:54:21]  Morris Bar, get out of here.
[00:54:22]  Do you think it's racist that they don't have a white MM?
[00:54:24]  They do have a white MM.
[00:54:25]  Which one?
[00:54:26]  Not a logo, not a spokesperson.
[00:54:28]  Which one's white?
[00:54:29]  The anxious one.
[00:54:30]  It's more racist than the Jewish Minister.
[00:54:32]  Is that the Jewish guy?
[00:54:33]  Yeah, that's the Jewish.
[00:54:34]  That's the Jewish MM.
[00:54:35]  Wait, what is inside the orange MM?
[00:54:38]  This is also.
[00:54:39]  If it's a Pratzo?
[00:54:40]  Yeah.
[00:54:42]  Are they making me thirsty?
[00:54:47]  Let me find out that MMs are actually anti-Semitic.
[00:54:51]  Whoa.
[00:54:52]  And they're attributing certain characteristics to these MMs so that they can be racist, homophobic, and anti-Semitic.
[00:55:01]  What was that?
[00:55:01]  That was my bad.
[00:55:02]  I was about to show you how sexy this green MM used to be.
[00:55:04]  Okay, bust it.
[00:55:05]  So this is, I think, the biggest shame of the whole thing is that it feels like they're slutchnaming the green MM, who historically has always been kind of peace.
[00:55:14]  Introducing raspberry almond MM's premiums.
[00:55:18]  All right, girls.
[00:55:19]  Premium chocolate, those luscious almonds and the sweet taste of raspberries.
[00:55:26]  Fix your heart's desire inside.
[00:55:29]  Whoa.
[00:55:36]  All the boys just bricked up watching this.
[00:55:38]  Yeah, it does.
[00:55:42]  And now she's wearing like fucking Converse.
[00:55:44]  Yeah, that was fire.
[00:55:45]  Yo, this was a cost.
[00:55:47]  He had it right, bro.
[00:55:49]  Yeah, Tucker had it right.
[00:55:50]  Sexy woman with a shapely figure.
[00:55:54]  This is a woman that was proud of her body and she made it work and you are going to shame her.
[00:55:58]  How dare you?
[00:55:59]  Yeah, that's disgusting.
[00:55:59]  How dare you?
[00:56:00]  You think they're slut shaming?
[00:56:01]  That's disgusting.
[00:56:01]  Slut shaming.
[00:56:02]  It's slut shaming.
[00:56:03]  It's anti-body positivity.
[00:56:06]  She's not a thin woman.
[00:56:07]  She's round.
[00:56:07]  She's circle.
[00:56:08]  And she's proud of her curves.
[00:56:10]  All curve.
[00:56:12]  She's proud of her curve.
[00:56:13]  Her curves.
[00:56:14]  Yeah, they fucking got us again, didn't they?
[00:56:17]  They got us a goddamn business.
[00:56:19]  Are you going to stop buying MMs?
[00:56:20]  No, I just love them.
[00:56:22]  I just love them.
[00:56:23]  I love them.
[00:56:24]  I love them.
[00:56:24]  They're so great.
[00:56:24]  They're so great.
[00:56:25]  Peanut M ⁇ Ms, I feel healthy.
[00:56:26]  It's like my healthy snack.
[00:56:28]  Like, I won't eat a, I won't eat a Snickers at the hotel, but I think peanut M ⁇ Ms are healthy because it's just all nuts.
[00:56:34]  What about almond?
[00:56:35]  Almond is the way to go.
[00:56:36]  The best.
[00:56:37]  Almond is the best.
[00:56:38]  The almond M ⁇ M, nothing's better.
[00:56:41]  Nothing is better.
[00:56:41]  Chocolate-covered almonds?
[00:56:43]  Greatest snack.
[00:56:44]  Greatest snack.
[00:56:45]  I don't care what they are.
[00:56:46]  Chocolate-covered almonds.
[00:56:47]  They could be anxious.
[00:56:48]  They could be sluts.
[00:56:50]  You know what I mean?
[00:56:51]  They could be wearing heels.
[00:56:52]  They could be wearing flats.
[00:56:53]  It doesn't matter.
[00:56:53]  I'm eating them all up.
[00:56:54]  Why do you disagree, Al?
[00:56:55]  You have a problem with the M ⁇ M choice?
[00:56:58]  Oh, no.
[00:56:59]  Which one are you going to do?
[00:57:00]  Just the way he was talking about Eminem.
[00:57:01]  Which Smash Green or the Brown one?
[00:57:03]  Both.
[00:57:04]  Double time?
[00:57:05]  Yeah, and that little anxious one, too.
[00:57:06]  Get on over here.
[00:57:07]  Get on over here, sweet pie.
[00:57:09]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:57:11]  I like the red one.
[00:57:11]  Yeah.
[00:57:12]  So this chick for the Rolling Stone put out an article.
[00:57:15]  The title of the article is Let the Green Minim Be a Nasty Little Slut.
[00:57:18]  Yes.
[00:57:19]  I like that.
[00:57:19]  That's the title.
[00:57:20]  This is the last paragraph here.
[00:57:22]  The Green Eminem has spent decades building her brand as a horny, sexy bitch.
[00:57:25]  For what?
[00:57:26]  For her creators to give her Larry David footwear in the name of feminism?
[00:57:29]  For Mars Wrigley to give themselves pats on the back and big fat fucking raises.
[00:57:32]  The next corporate retreat in Palo Alto.
[00:57:34]  Guess what?
[00:57:34]  The Green Eminem is a feminist.
[00:57:37]  And she's a dirty slut.
[00:57:39]  We are real.
[00:57:39]  We exist.
[00:57:40]  And we refuse to tolerate this disgusting attempt at erasure.
[00:57:42]  We were given so little and we have tolerated so much.
[00:57:44]  Let the Green Minim keep her go-go boots.
[00:57:46]  Let her get blackout and suck dick in the bathroom at Acme on a Wednesday.
[00:57:49]  This is what we want.
[00:57:50]  This is what we deserve.
[00:57:51]  This is what she deserves.
[00:57:52]  Who's this?
[00:57:53]  Wildly specific.
[00:57:55]  Yeah, who's this?
[00:57:56]  Also, the bathrooms at Acme aren't great for getting dick sucked.
[00:58:00]  What you got sometimes, though?
[00:58:02]  Yeah, there's different places.
[00:58:03]  The Smith, yes, but not Acme.
[00:58:07]  Why not Acme?
[00:58:08]  What the hell is Acme?
[00:58:09]  I thought that was that Coyote Roadrunner shit.
[00:58:11]  No, no.
[00:58:13]  No, no, Acme's a place in New York.
[00:58:16]  Yeah.
[00:58:17]  But, oh, this is interesting here.
[00:58:19]  What does she look like?
[00:58:19]  Who's this girl?
[00:58:20]  EJ Dixon.
[00:58:21]  Great writer.
[00:58:22]  Quite a bit.
[00:58:23]  Fantastic.
[00:58:23]  She should write one of them like novellas.
[00:58:26]  Yeah.
[00:58:26]  Novellas.
[00:58:27]  Yeah.
[00:58:28]  Novellas.
[00:58:29]  What are they called?
[00:58:30]  Novellas?
[00:58:32]  She should write one of them.
[00:58:34]  I mean, she's great.
[00:58:34]  I was like medium brick just reading that, right?
[00:58:37]  A little bit.
[00:58:38]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I'm going to tell you about the best underwear you ever wear in your life and the last pair of underwear you will ever wear after wearing them.
[00:58:44]  Simple as that.
[00:58:45]  I have not worn another pair of underwear since I started wearing culprit.
[00:58:48]  Okay.
[00:58:48]  Simple.
[00:58:49]  I mean, I cannot tell you.
[00:58:50]  By far, the best pair of underwear I've ever worn in my entire life.
[00:58:55]  Comfort, check.
[00:58:57]  Security, check.
[00:58:59]  Cradles the testicles well?
[00:59:01]  Check.
[00:59:02]  Okay.
[00:59:03]  Looks, check.
[00:59:05]  Absolutely amazing.
[00:59:06]  You take those off.
[00:59:07]  Your girl's going to go fucking crazy.
[00:59:10]  Culprit is the truth the best underwear on the planet.
[00:59:13]  And here's the thing that we're going to do for you.
[00:59:14]  You go to culpritunderwear.com and use the promo code Flagrant.
[00:59:18]  You're going to get them for 25% off.
[00:59:19]  Now, I can tell you a bunch of facts about the underwear, okay?
[00:59:22]  It's eco-friendly.
[00:59:23]  It's made locally by workers earning a living wage.
[00:59:26]  Fabric is 95% micromodal, which is made from beech trees and uses 20 times less water than cotton and yada, yada, yada.
[00:59:34]  It doesn't matter.
[00:59:35]  It's comfort first.
[00:59:37]  And they're the most comfortable pair that you will ever wear in your life.
[00:59:40]  Just go check them out.
[00:59:41]  Try them.
[00:59:41]  Okay.
[00:59:42]  They also got the ladyboxers for the ladies.
[00:59:44]  Make sure you go get them, ladies, as well.
[00:59:47]  Enjoy it.
[00:59:47]  And matter of fact, get them for your husband.
[00:59:49]  Get them for your boyfriend.
[00:59:50]  Steal them from him.
[00:59:51]  CulpritUnderwear.com.
[00:59:52]  Use the promo code Flagrant.
[00:59:54]  Get 25% off.

=== Tom Brady Chiefs Touchdowns (14:45) ===

[00:59:55]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:59:56]  Okay.
[00:59:57]  Enough with these MMs.
[00:59:58]  Can we talk about the greatest weekend in NFL history?
[01:00:00]  Yes.
[01:00:01]  Holy shit.
[01:00:01]  It truly was.
[01:00:03]  It truly was.
[01:00:04]  I wish I had nothing to do this weekend so I could just fucking watch every game and do jack shit.
[01:00:09]  Every single game was good.
[01:00:11]  Is Tom Brady Jesus?
[01:00:13]  Tom Brady, boy, they got him.
[01:00:16]  Yeah, he's, he might, you know what?
[01:00:18]  He lost, but I think the Packers losing and Aaron Rodgers losing showed us how good Tom Brady is.
[01:00:24]  How great Tom Brady is.
[01:00:25]  Because Aaron Rodgers lost to the San Francisco 49ers who were a good team, but they like, they legit squeaked into the playoffs.
[01:00:33]  They barely got in.
[01:00:34]  And the Packers were at home.
[01:00:36]  He had in the snow, which, to be fair, does normally hurt a good quarterback.
[01:00:41]  And I think if Rodgers leaves Green Bay for like a dome, he'll be on another fucking level even than what he already was.
[01:00:46]  But you're still at home.
[01:00:47]  And he had, with five minutes left, he had two drives to seal or win the game.
[01:00:52]  Didn't do it either time.
[01:00:53]  Went three and out the first time.
[01:00:54]  I think three and out the second time.
[01:00:56]  And that's how San Francisco won.
[01:00:58]  So Green Bay's up 10 to three.
[01:01:00]  They go three and out.
[01:01:01]  Aaron Rodgers misses a wide open receiver, tries to force the ball downfield.
[01:01:04]  They have to punt.
[01:01:05]  Punt gets blocked, returned for touchdown, 10-all.
[01:01:09]  Then he has another drive.
[01:01:10]  This is his time at home to seal the win.
[01:01:13]  Let's fucking, hey, I'm talking cash shit about Joe Biden.
[01:01:17]  I'm doing interviews on ESPN saying I'm canceled.
[01:01:19]  This is your time to fucking do it.
[01:01:22]  And then he flops again.
[01:01:23]  And then San Francisco gets the ball back, and Jimmy fucking Garoppolo drives down for a game-winning field goal.
[01:01:29]  And Aaron Rodgers lost.
[01:01:30]  Talked all the shit in the world, took on everybody, and fucking lost at home.
[01:01:35]  The Bucs were down 27 to 6.
[01:01:38]  Tom Brady's offensive lines getting their asses kicked.
[01:01:41]  All of his receivers are hurt except for one who's playing hurt.
[01:01:44]  The other two are gone.
[01:01:45]  AB left the fucking team.
[01:01:46]  His other guy, Chris Goodwin, Godwin, really good.
[01:01:49]  He's out for the year, torn ACL.
[01:01:51]  Brady fights back, ties the fucking game.
[01:01:53]  And even though the defense had forced a lot of turnovers, they blew a lot of coverages.
[01:01:56]  And at the very end of the game, they blow a coverage.
[01:01:59]  And then Matthew Stafford completes the pass and they win on like the last one.
[01:02:02]  It'd be your own people, bro.
[01:02:03]  I know.
[01:02:03]  It'd be your own fucking people.
[01:02:05]  That's why he's Jesus.
[01:02:09]  The fucking Bucks defensive coordinator is Judas, bro.
[01:02:11]  He's Judas.
[01:02:12]  Nah, that safety is Judas.
[01:02:14]  He got destroyed in two straight plays by the same guy, by a cup.
[01:02:17]  Cooper Cup.
[01:02:18]  Yeah.
[01:02:18]  So Cup killed him on that one play.
[01:02:21]  But you can't single cover this guy.
[01:02:23]  Well, this is how good he is.
[01:02:24]  Yeah.
[01:02:25]  Odell Beckham's not even complaining about not getting the ball because he's like, this guy is.
[01:02:30]  He's the truth.
[01:02:30]  He's the truth.
[01:02:31]  And him and Stafford got a crazy connection.
[01:02:33]  Odell Beckham just over there getting touchdowns when he gets him and it's all good.
[01:02:37]  He hasn't once complained about not getting the ball.
[01:02:39]  He played with Jarvis Landry in Cleveland, who's a beast, and he's here.
[01:02:42]  And he's like, hey, this guy might be MVP.
[01:02:44]  He gets the ball.
[01:02:45]  Is he that good?
[01:02:45]  White wide receiver that good?
[01:02:47]  White wide receiver.
[01:02:47]  He's a fucking great baller.
[01:02:49]  People are talking about him as MVP.
[01:02:51]  You just said Julian Edelman.
[01:02:53]  Don't do that.
[01:02:54]  Don't do that.
[01:02:55]  He crushed Domiti.
[01:02:57]  That's what he had to do.
[01:03:00]  That is dick.
[01:03:01]  It's a little true.
[01:03:02]  Let us have him.
[01:03:03]  That's their Gandhi.
[01:03:05]  That's your Gandhi.
[01:03:06]  100%.
[01:03:07]  100%.
[01:03:07]  Okay, in terms of like athletes, I get that's why it's important to you.
[01:03:11]  But Cooper Cup, this is different.
[01:03:12]  Cooper Cup is legit.
[01:03:14]  People are talking about a receiver as MVP.
[01:03:15]  That doesn't happen often ever.
[01:03:18]  I never remember one winning, and I can remember like two or three times they've even talked about it in my lifetime.
[01:03:22]  Wow.
[01:03:23]  I remember Calvin Johnson and then like probably Jerry Rice way back in the day or something, probably.
[01:03:28]  But this guy is fucking incredible, and he just beat Brady.
[01:03:32]  That's how good he is.
[01:03:33]  He beat Brady.
[01:03:34]  I mean, dude, Brady did everything, man.
[01:03:37]  I watched the end of it and I was screaming on the plane.
[01:03:39]  Yeah.
[01:03:39]  Oh, my God.
[01:03:40]  And, like, I mean, it was just unbelievable.
[01:03:42]  I couldn't believe when Brady tied the game.
[01:03:44]  Also, great play call to tie the game on the worst.
[01:03:47]  Leonard Fournette had a great game, but great play call.
[01:03:50]  Tie the game.
[01:03:51]  I won fear with most of these games.
[01:03:53]  Oh, they left him too much time.
[01:03:55]  14 seconds.
[01:03:56]  That was the Chiefs game.
[01:03:57]  13 seconds.
[01:03:58]  Oh, how much time did they leave?
[01:03:59]  I wasn't sure there was like 40 seconds for the Rams, something like that.
[01:04:02]  Yeah.
[01:04:03]  It was like 40 seconds.
[01:04:03]  It was a little bit more.
[01:04:04]  A minute, maybe.
[01:04:05]  It was more time.
[01:04:06]  But the Chiefs game is legitimately the best playoff game I've ever seen in my life.
[01:04:09]  I need you to go over the Chiefs game because I missed the Chiefs game.
[01:04:12]  Okay.
[01:04:13]  But just to wrap up the Tom Brady discussion, it was like, it's just such a letdown that he did exactly what he needed to do to maintain his legacy.
[01:04:21]  And this bum safety got ripped twice.
[01:04:24]  Like, first of all, how do you even design a defense that allows the best receiver in the league, the MVP, to go one-on-one with your safety?
[01:04:32]  That's what everybody's saying.
[01:04:32]  I'm in the fucking corner.
[01:04:34]  So here's the thing: that when you blitz, you know, you got 11 guys in a football team.
[01:04:37]  When you blitz, you send more people at the quarterback, but then there's less people cover receivers.
[01:04:42]  Everybody's asking, why do we need to sack the quarterback if they got to complete basically a 30-40-yard pass to get into field goal range?
[01:04:49]  Just cover the receivers.
[01:04:50]  I think the argument behind that is it's going to make the quarterback pass.
[01:04:54]  Yeah.
[01:04:54]  But if you give him more time, his guys can get further down the field.
[01:04:57]  But if you got mad people 30 yards downfield, he'll pick up 15, 16.
[01:05:01]  It won't be enough time.
[01:05:03]  You play the sidelines ideally, and then you play the deep route.
[01:05:05]  So you just let him have the middle of the field.
[01:05:07]  Yeah.
[01:05:07]  And then you'll see if you can get this done.
[01:05:08]  You probably can't.
[01:05:09]  But they did let him have the middle of the field.
[01:05:10]  That's where he completed.
[01:05:12]  Don't send extra extra defenders playing deep.
[01:05:15]  So you have a guy over the top when Cooper Cup is running deep, and then that guy can break.
[01:05:19]  Well, that guy fucking bummed it up because the guy, they did have him deep.
[01:05:22]  It was the safety.
[01:05:23]  You have a second guy.
[01:05:24]  He pressed.
[01:05:25]  Yes.
[01:05:26]  It's like, what are you doing?
[01:05:27]  Yeah, you shot it.
[01:05:28]  You're backpedaling money.
[01:05:28]  You have a guy pressing and another guy deep.
[01:05:31]  So press him so he can't even play the game.
[01:05:34]  Yeah, exactly.
[01:05:34]  And like, I mean, it was just an absolutely horrendous call.
[01:05:37]  What's crazy is Tom Brady.
[01:05:38]  There's a quote I saw during the game it came up where people are saying he might retire.
[01:05:42]  And he's saying, like, he says in the quote, I don't know if we're going to win.
[01:05:46]  I don't think we're going to win the Super Bowl this year.
[01:05:48]  He like says it blatantly.
[01:05:49]  I don't think this is the year we win the Super Bowl.
[01:05:52]  Which is crazy because I think he knew this team is beat the fuck up.
[01:05:56]  We got it last year.
[01:05:57]  I think a lot of people are content with that.
[01:05:59]  I might not be, but a lot of people are.
[01:06:00]  We brought everybody back.
[01:06:02]  So you didn't get to replace those guys with new hungry motherfuckers.
[01:06:05]  There's honor in defending it, but only to a point.
[01:06:07]  You start getting beat up.
[01:06:08]  It's like, these other guys are hungrier.
[01:06:09]  They've never been.
[01:06:10]  The Rams never been.
[01:06:11]  Matthew Stafford, this is his first real shot at a Super Bowl.
[01:06:14]  So he's in it.
[01:06:15]  He's about it.
[01:06:16]  Let's go.
[01:06:17]  Okay, break down the.
[01:06:18]  Do you think it was dumb of him to cut A-B?
[01:06:22]  He could have used it.
[01:06:23]  He could have used the target.
[01:06:24]  I mean, yes, he absolutely could have used the target, but it's not like he didn't get there.
[01:06:28]  Like, he did what he needed to do.
[01:06:30]  He scored enough points.
[01:06:31]  He put his team in position.
[01:06:32]  You know what I think was dumb?
[01:06:33]  They didn't try to sign Odell Beckham because they had Antonio Brown.
[01:06:37]  And to me, Odell Beckham is a problem, but if he's playing with Tom Brady, I think he straightens the fuck up.
[01:06:43]  And then Tom Brady can do miracles with that guy.
[01:06:45]  I thought they should have signed him because they could have gotten him pretty cheap, but they were like, oh, we got AB.
[01:06:49]  AB could go.
[01:06:51]  Okay, breakdown of the Chiefs game.
[01:06:53]  So I'm watching the Chiefs game, and it is, I think, 23-29 with like two minutes left in the game.
[01:07:00]  Chiefs score, no, it's 26 to 21, I think.
[01:07:05]  The Chiefs are up.
[01:07:06]  Buffalo drives down the field and scores with like four minutes left.
[01:07:08]  It's 29 to 26.
[01:07:10]  They complete a two-point conversion.
[01:07:11]  Chiefs, it's like four minutes left, three minutes left, whatever it is.
[01:07:14]  They complete a long pass out of nowhere to Tyreek Hill, who's a fucking human video game.
[01:07:18]  He scores a touchdown, I think, like 65 yards.
[01:07:21]  It's like a 12-yard pass, and then he just runs like a fucking joystick.
[01:07:25]  Legit, as he's running the ends of how fucking fast he is, he flashes a peace sign to a guy that's in front of him.
[01:07:32]  He's in front of him, making an angle at him, and Tyree Killer's like that.
[01:07:35]  Like, I got this, bro.
[01:07:37]  It's over.
[01:07:37]  You're not going to stop me.
[01:07:38]  They score a touchdown, and then in the last two minutes of that game, I think 27 points were scored or some shit.
[01:07:44]  Unbelievable.
[01:07:45]  The Bucs came back down and scored.
[01:07:47]  The Chiefs scored again, and the Bucks, I mean, sorry, the Bills completed a fourth and 16 to go up, fourth and 16, touchdown pass.
[01:07:54]  Chiefs score again, and then Buffalo scores another touchdown.
[01:07:58]  They have a minute left.
[01:07:59]  They score another touchdown with 13 seconds left.
[01:08:01]  Game should be over.
[01:08:02]  The Chiefs drive 50-plus yards in 13 seconds, kick a field goal to tie the game, and then win it in overtime.
[01:08:09]  It is legitimately the craziest fucking game I've ever seen in my life.
[01:08:13]  It was unreal watching that.
[01:08:14]  Unbelievable.
[01:08:15]  And I feel so bad.
[01:08:16]  And this is what sucks about a game like football as opposed to basketball.
[01:08:21]  Josh Allen, the quarterback of the Bills, obviously he's playing in the same conference as this guy, Patrick Mahomes, who's the fucking best player in the league right now.
[01:08:28]  They can never get past the Chiefs.
[01:08:30]  He played a perfect game.
[01:08:31]  He threw four or five touchdowns in this game, scrambled his ass off.
[01:08:37]  I don't think he threw a pick.
[01:08:38]  I don't remember seeing an interception.
[01:08:39]  Played a perfect game, scored what should be a game-winning touchdown with 13 seconds left.
[01:08:43]  And you should finally say, yo, I slayed the dragon.
[01:08:46]  We got past him.
[01:08:47]  Can you imagine game seven, Kings Lakers?
[01:08:52]  It was like that.
[01:08:54]  But he hadn't, he didn't.
[01:08:55]  Imagine he didn't miss a single free throw.
[01:08:56]  Imagine he's Chris Weber and he went perfect from the field and played a flawless game, was 10 for 10, didn't have any turnovers, and then still lost because everybody else fucked him.
[01:09:05]  That's what it's like.
[01:09:06]  And I don't know how you recover from that.
[01:09:08]  And that's where I'm like, I'm fucking heartbroken, dude.
[01:09:10]  As a sports fan, you want to see guys achieve things.
[01:09:14]  Yeah.
[01:09:14]  Like as great as Mahomes is, you would love to see this guy get one at least.
[01:09:18]  And I think this was his shot and it's done.
[01:09:20]  Like mentally, I don't think he's young, but mentally, I don't think you get past that.
[01:09:24]  Why?
[01:09:24]  What?
[01:09:25]  Yeah, what are you talking about?
[01:09:26]  Because you didn't do anything wrong.
[01:09:27]  Yeah, but you had the team.
[01:09:29]  You had their offensive coordinator is maybe the best in the league.
[01:09:33]  He's going to get a head coaching job.
[01:09:34]  So you're going to lose this guy who called great plays, who helped you develop a ton as a quarterback.
[01:09:38]  You did everything perfectly.
[01:09:40]  You had the fucking best player, one of the best players in history when it's all said and done, probably, on the ropes.
[01:09:46]  He was done.
[01:09:48]  You did everything you could, and then you still couldn't win.
[01:09:50]  I think you're looking at that like I was perfect and still lost.
[01:09:54]  The way I look at that is in a game specifically like football, you can only be responsible for what you do.
[01:09:59]  Yeah.
[01:10:00]  Okay.
[01:10:00]  So if you like, just like, what's it called?
[01:10:03]  Brady.
[01:10:04]  It's like, I think Brady's incredibly upset that he lost, but he's not, they didn't lose because of what he did.
[01:10:09]  Yeah.
[01:10:10]  I mean, you could say, yeah, you should have scored more points.
[01:10:12]  It is on you.
[01:10:12]  But like, Josh Allen put his team in position win, and his defense lost it for him.
[01:10:16]  Right.
[01:10:16]  If he threw the pick.
[01:10:18]  And coaching.
[01:10:18]  Also, what they did, they were, again, rushing four people, which is not a blitz on Patrick Mahomes.
[01:10:24]  But like, dude, rush two or three people.
[01:10:26]  Who gives a fuck about sacking him?
[01:10:27]  Cover Tyreek Hill, cover Jason Kelsey or Travis Kelsey, and don't let them eat up field.
[01:10:33]  That's it.
[01:10:33]  Just keep everything short.
[01:10:35]  But they were so terrified from that Tyreek Hill touchdown earlier that they had people playing too far back.
[01:10:40]  They made the opposite mistake of the Bucks.
[01:10:42]  They had people 30, 40 yards downfield.
[01:10:44]  They let them gobble up.
[01:10:45]  And then you let two 19, 20 yards plays happen, and they get in field orange, whatever, 19 and 30 or whatever it was.
[01:10:50]  And that's how, and even just like kicking, they, so, and, you know, they kicked like a touchback.
[01:10:56]  Didn't take any time off the clock with the kickoff.
[01:10:58]  What normally teams will do is do like a real shitty kick to like the 20-yard line.
[01:11:02]  Yeah.
[01:11:02]  Let some fat ass lineman try to run it back and then waste four seconds.
[01:11:05]  Yeah.
[01:11:05]  You got the best player in the world on the other side playing quarterback.
[01:11:09]  Take every second off you can.
[01:11:10]  Yeah, that's it.
[01:11:11]  So he got fucked by coaching.
[01:11:12]  He got fucked by his defense.
[01:11:13]  He did everything perfectly and everybody else failed.
[01:11:16]  Stefan Diggs, who I love, last year there was this cool thing when they lost to the Chiefs in the championship game.
[01:11:22]  He stayed on the field and watched him celebrate.
[01:11:24]  As like, I want to remember how shitty this feels, and I'm getting that next year.
[01:11:28]  The guy had one catch for seven yards this game.
[01:11:30]  Oh, God.
[01:11:31]  So he stunk it up.
[01:11:32]  Another receiver had a four touchdown.
[01:11:34]  He could be upset, but Josh Allen is a household name out there.
[01:11:36]  Yeah, he's just a superstar.
[01:11:38]  Yeah, everyone, I mean, ESPN was saying, like, everyone was ready to say, he's Tom Brady, and then they forgot Mahomes is Mahomes.
[01:11:45]  Yeah.
[01:11:46]  So all he is is like, you're just not Mahomes yet?
[01:11:49]  Maybe.
[01:11:49]  I know.
[01:11:50]  But everything else, you're perfect, and you are now a household name.
[01:11:53]  His legacy went up for sure.
[01:11:55]  I worry that if I don't know when they get this chance.
[01:11:57]  I mean, my guys hit me in the group chat, and they're basically like, oh, yeah, this is Brady and Manning now.
[01:12:04]  Like, this is the one-two in the league.
[01:12:06]  And the fact that we're looking at Josh Allen as a two when he wasn't even mentioned in the conversation before this game, I think is a huge bump.
[01:12:14]  And he's going to get that self-esteem boost from everybody recognizing a great game.
[01:12:18]  I mean, he even said something interesting in response to the decision.
[01:12:21]  He's like, listen, you know, it sucks to lose because I guess in overtime, it's just first person who scores a touchdown.
[01:12:29]  If it's field goal, it goes back and forth.
[01:12:32]  So he goes, listen, it sucks that we lost, but if we were in their position, we scored, we would have won.
[01:12:36]  So you can be annoyed by the rules, but if we'd won, we'd be incredibly happy with them.
[01:12:41]  So I thought that that was like a really measured take, especially right afterwards.
[01:12:44]  Like normally people would be like clamoring to change the rules and this is unfair and give us a chance to go back and yada yada yada.
[01:12:50]  But I think that I think his confidence will just be bolstered.
[01:12:52]  Him and Mahomes also have a similar thing that I think Brady has and not a lot of quarterbacks have it.
[01:12:57]  I don't think Rodgers has it where like the whole fucking team loves them.
[01:13:02]  Like everybody on the team loves Mahomes and I'm seeing Josh Allen after that touchdown that should have won the game fucking going nuts with his lineman.
[01:13:09]  Just like, let's fucking go.
[01:13:11]  Like he's the fiery one.
[01:13:12]  And that's cool to see that because you don't often see that.
[01:13:14]  Like Manning was a fucking machine, like a computer.
[01:13:17]  But I didn't see a lot of his players going nuts with him on the sidelines.
[01:13:20]  Like he's their fucking, that's their boy.
[01:13:22]  That's a rare thing.
[01:13:23]  So it will be cool if they, and Joe Burrows, another one in that conference.
[01:13:27]  And this other guy, Justin Herbert, could be good, like really good, but that's going to be fun as fuck.
[01:13:32]  But I do hope he gets one.
[01:13:33]  And I think Mahomes is so goddamn good, it doesn't really matter.
[01:13:38]  If you can give him adequate blocking, nobody can beat him.
[01:13:40]  So what is your prediction?
[01:13:41]  I think the Chiefs are going to win it if they get adequate blocking.
[01:13:45]  I think the Rams will win against the 49ers.
[01:13:48]  I think the 49ers beat the Packers because the weather was so shitty, it kind of nullified Aaron Rodgers.
[01:13:55]  And I think also a lot of people are going to have takes about how Aaron Rodgers isn't good, and that's going to be fun.
[01:13:59]  But like, I was looking into some stats.
[01:14:02]  Without his Super Bowl run, he's 7-9 in the playoffs.
[01:14:05]  Even with it, he's 11-9, which isn't that great.
[01:14:08]  Without Mike McCarthy, who everybody thought is the problem, and I don't think he's a good coach, he's 2-3 in the playoffs.
[01:14:13]  Like, this guy has not produced at a high level in the playoffs.
[01:14:15]  I think the main problem is when it's fucking freezing cold, the ball is like a brick.
[01:14:20]  Throwing it is harder.
[01:14:21]  Catching it is harder.
[01:14:22]  Everything is harder.
[01:14:23]  So if you're the best quarterback in the league, arguably one of the best of all time, you don't want to be playing in fucking minus 20-degree weather.
[01:14:30]  You want to be in a nice dome.
[01:14:32]  So where do you think?
[01:14:33]  Indianapolis is probably going to make a run.
[01:14:35]  I think people say he's going to go to Denver or Carolina, which would be fun.
[01:14:39]  Denver.
[01:14:39]  Denver is a little cold.

=== NFL Dome Locations and Rumors (16:17) ===

[01:14:41]  I would like to see him in New Orleans.
[01:14:43]  I don't know if Payton is going to stay.
[01:14:44]  There's rumors their coach might leave.
[01:14:46]  But if they would just pony up, if they could, whatever picks, and they're way over the cap all the time, but just make it work.
[01:14:52]  I would love to see Aaron Rodgers and Sean Payton.
[01:14:54]  I would love to see that.
[01:14:55]  Ooh, interesting.
[01:14:57]  Yeah.
[01:14:57]  That would be fun.
[01:14:58]  I guess the only reason I said Denver is because Elway is going to go after him heavy.
[01:15:02]  They're probably going to, Smart Money says that's where he'll go.
[01:15:05]  And then Carolina may be because their owner is like new and aggressive.
[01:15:08]  And it's the coach's last chance to stay, who I thought was going to be good, but he doesn't seem to be, Matt Rule.
[01:15:14]  He's like, if he doesn't produce this year, he's fired.
[01:15:16]  Right.
[01:15:16]  So they're going to probably throw a ton of shit at Green Bay and say, let's take Aaron Rodgers off your hands.
[01:15:21]  But I would personally love to see Indianapolis because their coach is good and it's a dome and their defense is good and their run game is good or New Orleans just because of Sean Payton and the defense is great.
[01:15:32]  The Bengals, no chance?
[01:15:34]  I think they have a chance actually.
[01:15:35]  Really?
[01:15:36]  I do.
[01:15:36]  I think Joe.
[01:15:37]  Joe Burrow is incredible.
[01:15:39]  I think they got a good running game.
[01:15:40]  Defense is solid.
[01:15:42]  Not spectacular, but solid.
[01:15:43]  They do their job.
[01:15:44]  And Joe Burrow got that.
[01:15:45]  He just got moxie, dog.
[01:15:47]  I love this guy.
[01:15:48]  He just got that thing.
[01:15:50]  He's a nice, confident white kid, you know?
[01:15:52]  Yeah.
[01:15:53]  Remember, if the Rams won their next game, Rams have a real show.
[01:15:56]  Play Super Bowl at home.
[01:15:58]  That would be fucking incredible.
[01:15:59]  Tampa did that last year, but it was COVID.
[01:16:01]  So nobody got to enjoy it.
[01:16:03]  The Rams are good, man.
[01:16:04]  I think Stafford, a lot of people don't think he's good.
[01:16:06]  He's good.
[01:16:07]  And they have a pass rush and a great cornerback.
[01:16:10]  And they got a great wide receiver.
[01:16:12]  Two great wide receivers.
[01:16:13]  I think they have everything.
[01:16:14]  They have a deniable upgrade.
[01:16:15]  Yes.
[01:16:16]  I think, yeah.
[01:16:16]  They have everything you need.
[01:16:18]  So I think they could do it.
[01:16:19]  And we slept on them throughout the year because he's got a kill.
[01:16:21]  So he can hit his receiver.
[01:16:22]  So if you got a guy who can run.
[01:16:24]  Yeah.
[01:16:25]  But I think they overwhelmed San Francisco.
[01:16:27]  I think, even though San Fran beat him twice this year, I just think they're going to win in the playoffs.
[01:16:32]  They're better.
[01:16:33]  Okay.
[01:16:33]  Okay.
[01:16:34]  So my pick is San Fran KC.
[01:16:36]  And I'm sorry, LA KC.
[01:16:37]  And I think KC wins, but I don't know.
[01:16:41]  Listen, we have to discuss your redemption story.
[01:16:46]  Oh, yeah.
[01:16:47]  Okay.
[01:16:48]  You, the first time you opened up for a comedy icon.
[01:16:53]  Comedy hero of mine.
[01:16:55]  Comedy hero of yours.
[01:16:56]  One of the most successful comedians in history.
[01:17:00]  Yeah.
[01:17:00]  Many times the biggest comedian in the world.
[01:17:03]  Yeah.
[01:17:04]  Russell Peters.
[01:17:05]  Yeah.
[01:17:06]  Truly, I would not be a comedian if not for him.
[01:17:08]  Brought comedy to different continents.
[01:17:12]  Yeah.
[01:17:13]  To India.
[01:17:14]  Like the whole continent didn't know stand-up before Russell Peters.
[01:17:16]  100%.
[01:17:18]  So, first time you opened for him at Carolines.
[01:17:21]  I ate my ass.
[01:17:22]  Bomb that ass.
[01:17:22]  Boy, unbelievable.
[01:17:23]  Just they stared at me like, why is this person here?
[01:17:26]  How long?
[01:17:26]  Yeah.
[01:17:27]  A couple days, I think.
[01:17:29]  I don't know how much time did you do on stage.
[01:17:31]  Yeah, no, it was probably seven minutes, but that shit felt like a year ago.
[01:17:34]  Yeah, it probably felt like about a year and a half.
[01:17:36]  I was up there.
[01:17:38]  Okay.
[01:17:38]  So I went there, ate my ass at Carolines, and then Russell, who we will see soon on the Flagrant 2 podcast, offered me a shot at Redemption at the Beacon Theater.
[01:17:47]  And man, that shit was so fun this time.
[01:17:49]  I went out.
[01:17:50]  I didn't even know what jokes I was going to do until they started calling on my name.
[01:17:53]  Really?
[01:17:53]  And I was like trying to fucking scramble.
[01:17:55]  And then I just kind of like closed my eyes for a second.
[01:17:57]  I was like, what do you want to open with?
[01:17:58]  Listen to your gut.
[01:17:59]  My gut be knowing, you know?
[01:18:00]  Yeah.
[01:18:01]  And then I just went out there and opened what I opened with, and the shit was great.
[01:18:04]  It was great.
[01:18:04]  Russell was like, you killed it.
[01:18:06]  He was introducing me to agents afterwards.
[01:18:08]  It's the most generous guy on earth.
[01:18:09]  Oh, it was fucking amazing.
[01:18:11]  Wife got to see it.
[01:18:13]  Friends got to see it.
[01:18:14]  My in-laws and my parents are like texting everybody they know.
[01:18:17]  Like, Akash is opening for Russell Peters.
[01:18:20]  Like, this is the coolest shit they can tell their friends about.
[01:18:22]  Aside from everything else, they can't text him the Alex Jones episode.
[01:18:27]  So it was just a fucking dope moment.
[01:18:29]  Thanks so much to Russell for giving me the chance.
[01:18:31]  And I'm glad I could redeem myself.
[01:18:32]  Good for you.
[01:18:33]  Yeah, man.
[01:18:34]  Isn't that funny how careers work, though?
[01:18:35]  Like, the thing that your family's most impressed by is not the thing that might be the best for your career.
[01:18:40]  You know what I mean?
[01:18:41]  Like, you do the tonight show, and it's like, whoa.
[01:18:42]  Like, if I did the tonight show, my parents would be over the moon.
[01:18:44]  Yeah.
[01:18:45]  Like, that would be the most exciting thing.
[01:18:47]  And they would be 50% of the audience.
[01:18:48]  Yeah.
[01:18:51]  Yeah.
[01:18:51]  It is very funny.
[01:18:52]  But it was just so fucking cool for me to go back out there and perform for Indians and do well that had probably seen me bomb a few years earlier.
[01:18:59]  Yeah.
[01:18:59]  It was just cool.
[01:19:00]  Also, like to do well in front of someone you admire.
[01:19:02]  Yes.
[01:19:03]  It sucks bombing in front of someone you admire.
[01:19:05]  Oh my God, dude.
[01:19:06]  He actually watched this time.
[01:19:07]  I don't think he watched me bomb.
[01:19:08]  I told him I bombed because I don't want to lie.
[01:19:09]  But I don't think he watched it.
[01:19:10]  This time, he watched.
[01:19:12]  And he was like, yo, that was great, man.
[01:19:14]  It was so fucking cool.
[01:19:15]  I wish I got to see it.
[01:19:16]  Yeah.
[01:19:16]  Well, you guys were, you know, UFC.
[01:19:18]  Yeah, I wouldn't have traded at all.
[01:19:19]  Yeah, but I do wish I got to see it.
[01:19:22]  Just crush.
[01:19:23]  Well, we are going to have the great Russell Peters on the podcast.
[01:19:28]  Very excited to share that conversation with you guys.
[01:19:32]  This is a big deal.
[01:19:33]  This is somebody that Akash has looked up to for a while.
[01:19:35]  Someone I've looked up to for a while.
[01:19:36]  This is the originator of internet comedy.
[01:19:40]  Yeah.
[01:19:41]  And he'll share some things that we didn't even know about how much of an originator he was in the internet space.
[01:19:48]  Yeah.
[01:19:48]  So very excited for this interview.
[01:19:50]  I'm glad that you guys could indulge in it.
[01:19:52]  Without further ado, here is the man, the myth, the legend, Russell Peters.
[01:19:57]  All right, guys, we're back.
[01:19:58]  We're back with a legend.
[01:19:59]  The legend.
[01:20:01]  No explanation needed.
[01:20:02]  We're here with Russell Peters, everybody.
[01:20:04]  Give it up.
[01:20:08]  I'm here with the future of this game.
[01:20:10]  Oh, future of this game.
[01:20:12]  Thank you.
[01:20:13]  Thank you.
[01:20:13]  A lot of people call me a YouTube stand-up.
[01:20:19]  That's weird.
[01:20:20]  Yes.
[01:20:20]  Yes.
[01:20:21]  No, no, no.
[01:20:22]  I love it.
[01:20:23]  I embrace it, et cetera.
[01:20:24]  But I always tell them that the first person that is the YouTube stand-up, the first person to really blow from YouTube.
[01:20:30]  Because there's a generation of people who know me blowing from YouTube and social media.
[01:20:34]  I know you blowing from Instagram.
[01:20:36]  Interesting.
[01:20:36]  Interesting.
[01:20:37]  But you were the original YouTube media comedian.
[01:20:41]  Right.
[01:20:42]  I wasn't trying to be, but it just happened.
[01:20:44]  It just happened.
[01:20:44]  Yeah.
[01:20:44]  What happened with me was in 2004, I did a special in 2003.
[01:20:48]  In 2004, it aired in Canada.
[01:20:51]  And then somebody, I guess somebody, people were recording it, and then they were sending it as files.
[01:20:56]  Those comedy now.
[01:20:58]  Yeah, it was coming up, but they would send it as a file.
[01:21:00]  Maybe they'd be like, yo, check this out.
[01:21:02]  And you would have to download a five-minute clip and it would take you 35 to 40 minutes.
[01:21:06]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:21:06]  So downloading music and stuff.
[01:21:08]  I watched your comedy special off of a lime wire download.
[01:21:11]  Right, exactly.
[01:21:11]  That's how it works.
[01:21:12]  And then YouTube started in 2005.
[01:21:14]  And then somebody put the whole thing there.
[01:21:16]  And then ta-da.
[01:21:17]  Yes.
[01:21:17]  Okay.
[01:21:18]  I'm sorry.
[01:21:19]  I heard a story about this.
[01:21:20]  Yeah.
[01:21:21]  I don't know if this is true.
[01:21:22]  I heard a story that you found out who posted.
[01:21:26]  I still haven't found out.
[01:21:28]  Can I tell you a story about you?
[01:21:29]  Okay.
[01:21:30]  Many stories about how generous you are.
[01:21:32]  Yes.
[01:21:33]  But one story about you is that you found the guy who or a girl who posted the video and then you wrote him a check.
[01:21:40]  No, not true.
[01:21:42]  He would, though.
[01:21:43]  I would.
[01:21:43]  Not now anymore, but I would have.
[01:21:48]  You caught me five years ago.
[01:21:49]  You would have got that check.
[01:21:50]  But now I need a check.
[01:21:53]  I need a check.
[01:21:54]  So what happens?
[01:21:54]  It blows up and then it blows up.
[01:21:57]  But here's the thing: it blows up.
[01:21:58]  And then my biggest concern at the time is, oh, what the fuck?
[01:22:01]  How am I going to do my act?
[01:22:03]  Oh, shit.
[01:22:04]  Because you used all the material.
[01:22:05]  Yeah, because at the time, I'm not thinking right at the beginning of it.
[01:22:10]  So you don't know what the format is.
[01:22:13]  And, you know, at that time, the act I did in 2003, I had been working on since 97.
[01:22:18]  So I had six years to polish that act, and that's why it's so tight and sewed together and everything.
[01:22:23]  So good.
[01:22:24]  And that was before the times where we had to have a new special every two years.
[01:22:27]  Yes.
[01:22:27]  Yeah.
[01:22:28]  So now, whatever my next special is going to be or whenever it's going to be, it's going to be my 10th special.
[01:22:32]  Wow.
[01:22:33]  Insane.
[01:22:34]  Wow.
[01:22:34]  And I don't know how many of them actually have been special, but I'd say about three of them maybe were special.
[01:22:40]  Dude, I think you, I think you know, you're really famous, but I don't think you know how famous and big.
[01:22:46]  And like, I thought about this for a while.
[01:22:48]  Was it fame or is it importance?
[01:22:50]  Importance.
[01:22:50]  Because fame isn't important.
[01:22:52]  And fame.
[01:22:52]  It's importance.
[01:22:53]  You, importance.
[01:22:54]  You legitimately introduced stand-up to an entire continent.
[01:22:57]  India did not know what the fuck stand-up was until Russell Peters.
[01:23:01]  I wanted to.
[01:23:01]  And then it's not only India, too.
[01:23:03]  Oh, that's what I'm saying.
[01:23:04]  It could very well be China.
[01:23:06]  It was Asia in the Middle East.
[01:23:07]  Middle East.
[01:23:08]  Yeah.
[01:23:08]  His Chinese accent is so fucking good.
[01:23:11]  That's when I'm watching as like this kid who wants to dream of being a comedian, but isn't.
[01:23:15]  I'm watching him.
[01:23:15]  I'm like, yo, this guy's fucking good.
[01:23:17]  I want to hate, but I'm because I'm insecure.
[01:23:19]  And this guy got there for a while.
[01:23:20]  That's what we all do.
[01:23:21]  I mean, I don't even think it's, it's not even real hate.
[01:23:23]  But it was so undeniable.
[01:23:24]  Like the Indian accent, great.
[01:23:26]  Funny jokes, good vehicles, good setups.
[01:23:28]  Then the Chinese accent went off.
[01:23:30]  I was like, dude, this is a great story with a fucking perfect Chinese accent that you don't hear on any hacky comic.
[01:23:36]  Be a man.
[01:23:36]  Yeah.
[01:23:38]  Yo, there's some guy in Boston now.
[01:23:40]  Have you seen this guy?
[01:23:41]  He's got, I don't know what the fuck company it is if it's a pizza company, but he's got his whole slogan is BMN.
[01:23:46]  No.
[01:23:46]  And I just saw him post something and he's got shirts that say BMN, the exact same shirts I make that I've been making at my shows for fucking almost 20 years that say BMN, the Run DMC logo.
[01:23:57]  Yeah, and I found this guy online.
[01:23:59]  I go, hey, this motherfucker literally stole everything.
[01:24:02]  That's how famous you are.
[01:24:03]  He was a white guy.
[01:24:04]  I was like, and that's how legendary artists steal your shit and have no idea who they're taking it from.
[01:24:08]  Let's like turn your phone sideways.
[01:24:10]  Yes.
[01:24:11]  I remember when I saw that, I go, fuck.
[01:24:13]  How did I think of this?
[01:24:14]  We did a good thing.
[01:24:15]  Yeah.
[01:24:16]  And then everybody was telling, I was telling Dove in the elevator.
[01:24:19]  I'm like, everybody fucking went and bit that.
[01:24:21]  And nobody went.
[01:24:23]  What they should say is, I'm going to do a little Andrew Schultz right now and then turn your phone sideways.
[01:24:27]  Yeah.
[01:24:27]  Yeah.
[01:24:27]  You know, it's like Googling became Googling.
[01:24:30]  You now Google things.
[01:24:31]  You would Schultz it.
[01:24:32]  Yeah.
[01:24:33]  But yeah, I don't know.
[01:24:34]  I guess there's part of me that's like, this is what we do.
[01:24:38]  We give it out there in the world and everybody can do what they want with it.
[01:24:40]  If we create something that's like a piece of technology or like intellectual property, then I then I'm like, hey, respect that.
[01:24:46]  And that's ours.
[01:24:47]  We made it.
[01:24:47]  But new advancements that we might make in social media, those might not even be mine.
[01:24:51]  It might be Mark's idea.
[01:24:52]  It might be Al's idea.
[01:24:53]  It might be Dove's idea.
[01:24:54]  You know, so I've talked to these guys.
[01:24:56]  I don't think it's their idea.
[01:24:59]  Fair enough.
[01:25:00]  But you know what I'm saying?
[01:25:02]  They have fucking no idea.
[01:25:03]  These guys.
[01:25:04]  I guess those types of things I want to give away to comics.
[01:25:08]  I want them to be able to grow.
[01:25:10]  But if they're stealing like IP, like they're stealing a fucking joke or that kind of stuff.
[01:25:13]  Yeah, I know that's a little much.
[01:25:14]  No, for that, it's more of a, I feel like you should say, I'm doing because it all started right after you did it.
[01:25:21]  I'm like, it's not like it's a, it's not a coincidence, motherfuckers.
[01:25:24]  That's that's where you should be like, ah, time to Andrew Schultz this.
[01:25:28]  Yeah.
[01:25:29]  I'm curious how quick it was before.
[01:25:30]  It was quick, dude.
[01:25:31]  I saw you do maybe three videos.
[01:25:33]  No, no, you.
[01:25:34]  No, I care about this guy.
[01:25:36]  He talks about himself all the time.
[01:25:37]  Yeah.
[01:25:38]  I'm quick.
[01:25:39]  Like from when the video blew up to like when you were doing arenas.
[01:25:43]  Yeah, I want to say so.
[01:25:45]  And your I made it moment.
[01:25:46]  I'm very curious about that.
[01:25:47]  Okay.
[01:25:48]  So I always tell the story.
[01:25:50]  2000, February of 2004, I got booked at DePaul University in Chicago.
[01:25:56]  They paid me $700 for the gig.
[01:25:59]  12 or 13 people showed up.
[01:26:01]  I felt bad.
[01:26:02]  I thought they were, because at that time, I was still broke.
[01:26:04]  And I'm like, yo, 700 bucks is a lot of fucking money.
[01:26:07]  Yeah.
[01:26:08]  And I feel bad to give me all this money.
[01:26:10]  And only 13 people showed up.
[01:26:12]  But I said, I'm going to do the show.
[01:26:13]  And I did like a really good show.
[01:26:14]  And then the special aired a month later.
[01:26:19]  And then I went back to Chicago in November of that year and sold out three nights at some theater.
[01:26:26]  And I was like, what the fuck happened now?
[01:26:28]  You know, I went from 700 bucks and 13 people to three nights and like I was like 50 grand or something for the three nights and sold out and I'm like in the same year.
[01:26:36]  In the same year.
[01:26:37]  And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
[01:26:38]  Wow.
[01:26:39]  You don't know where it's come from.
[01:26:40]  You don't know that this video is going crazy on YouTube.
[01:26:43]  Like I have an idea, but I still don't understand how they're seeing it because it's 2004.
[01:26:48]  Yeah, it's not like there's social media where people are like texting you the clip or anything.
[01:26:52]  No, that didn't exist.
[01:26:53]  And then some douchebag brought me to New York to perform and he filmed it.
[01:26:59]  And I was doing a completely different act at the time now.
[01:27:02]  And this cocksucker put it out on the internet too.
[01:27:05]  Oh, yeah.
[01:27:05]  And I was like, yo, I kept calling him, yo, I'm going to fuck you up.
[01:27:09]  If I fucking find you, I'm going to bust your fucking face.
[01:27:12]  I think I would just punch him in his mouth now just out of, you know, because he deserved it.
[01:27:17]  Yeah, I boxed for now.
[01:27:18]  I do jiu-jitsu.
[01:27:19]  I like fucking people up.
[01:27:20]  Yeah.
[01:27:21]  It's one of those things, you know?
[01:27:22]  Yeah.
[01:27:22]  But I was so mad because I was like, dude, that's my new act.
[01:27:26]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:27:26]  And I'm not getting no money off this one.
[01:27:28]  Yeah.
[01:27:28]  And it's not ready necessarily.
[01:27:30]  Yeah.
[01:27:30]  So that was 2005.
[01:27:31]  But thank God that didn't get very much legs on it.
[01:27:35]  But then 2006, 2005, I got my first deal.
[01:27:39]  This is a deal with a studio with Warner Brothers, with Tom Werner and Harry.
[01:27:45]  And explain a deal to people, like how that works for entertainment.
[01:27:48]  So a deal is where somebody will hit you up, like a network, and they'll be like, we want to produce a TV show for you.
[01:27:56]  Here's, I don't remember how much that was.
[01:27:59]  It might have been like either a million or just under a million or something like that.
[01:28:04]  And I was like, you know, these don't exist anymore.
[01:28:06]  Oh, I know.
[01:28:08]  And even when I got it, I was like, I was expecting it to be more, but whatever.
[01:28:11]  But you get the million in case the show gets made.
[01:28:15]  Yeah.
[01:28:15]  Yeah.
[01:28:15]  You make a pilot.
[01:28:16]  They might not pick it up.
[01:28:17]  You still get it.
[01:28:19]  Yeah.
[01:28:19]  The million is your guarantee.
[01:28:21]  Yeah.
[01:28:21]  If they do the show, that's them recouping it, basically, like a record deal.
[01:28:27]  But anyway, the show never went.
[01:28:28]  But all the people involved were like top-notch guys.
[01:28:31]  So I was so confused as to why it didn't go.
[01:28:34]  It was like Tom Werner, who produced Cosby Show, Marcy, you know, Carcy Werner, all the shit in the 80s.
[01:28:39]  Oh, yeah.
[01:28:39]  They did.
[01:28:39]  And he owns the Boston Red Sox and all that kind of shit.
[01:28:43]  So I figured it would go with him.
[01:28:45]  And then Jimmy Miller, he was Jim Carrey's manager.
[01:28:49]  So why do you think it didn't go?
[01:28:50]  I don't know.
[01:28:51]  I mean, maybe, again, at the time, you got to understand, if you don't know anybody in this industry, like you're not from the, your family's not from the industry.
[01:28:59]  You've never been around the industry.
[01:29:00]  You don't really know how this works.
[01:29:02]  Yeah.
[01:29:02]  And I'm one of those guys.
[01:29:03]  I didn't have, yeah, my mom worked in Kmart.
[01:29:05]  My dad was a meat inspector.
[01:29:07]  I had no fucking clue how this industry worked.
[01:29:09]  And I was like, oh, and I didn't think about, that's why I admire this generation because you guys think about the variables and what-if situations.
[01:29:18]  We never, because in my head, it was like, I was never supposed to make it in my head.
[01:29:22]  I was just like supposed to be a road comic, you know, work on work every weekend, maybe make two grand if I'm lucky on a weekend and call, you know, call it a career.
[01:29:31]  Yeah.
[01:29:32]  And I was happy to do that because I had no other plans in life.
[01:29:34]  Yeah.
[01:29:35]  So when this happened, I was like, oh, well, I guess, see what happens.
[01:29:38]  And at least we had a shot.
[01:29:40]  You know, I thought it was over.
[01:29:42]  It wasn't a sad moment.
[01:29:44]  It was like, oh, well, they tried.
[01:29:45]  You know, what are you going to do?
[01:29:47]  And then I got another deal a year later.
[01:29:49]  And then I got another deal a year after that.
[01:29:51]  I was like, what the fuck is going on?
[01:29:53]  And I started calling deals goldfish because you get one, it dies, you just get another one.
[01:29:58]  Yeah.
[01:29:59]  It's like jizz.
[01:30:00]  Once it hits the air, it's dead.
[01:30:04]  So I kept getting deals.
[01:30:05]  And then the touring kept going.
[01:30:08]  And then the touring kept getting bigger and bigger.
[01:30:10]  And I did my, I did a special in 06, outsourced, shot that in San Francisco in January of 2006.
[01:30:19]  And I was like, all right, I guess that's what we're doing now.
[01:30:22]  And then the next, and I did that one through a company.
[01:30:27]  And then I was like, there's a way of doing this without a company.
[01:30:29]  So the next one I did in 2008 at Madison Square Garden at Red, White and Brown.
[01:30:34]  Red, White and Brown.
[01:30:36]  And I did that myself.
[01:30:37]  I paid for it, produced it, everything.
[01:30:38]  I did all the stuff that I should have been doing from the start.
[01:30:41]  That's when I started to figure that out.
[01:30:43]  And then I did Green Card Tour, and I did that again in London.
[01:30:46]  I did the O2 Arena for two nights.
[01:30:49]  So now I've done the O2 Arena six times.
[01:30:51]  Okay, garden, garden.
[01:30:52]  What is a garden like?
[01:30:53]  You've done the garden house.
[01:30:55]  You're a fucking due for a garden.
[01:30:56]  I'm from New York.
[01:30:57]  I'm waiting until I can do the garden.

=== Madison Square Garden Solo Shows (11:10) ===

[01:30:58]  Where are you from?
[01:30:58]  I'm from New York, born and raised in Manhattan.
[01:31:00]  Oh, Moneymaker, Manhattan?
[01:31:01]  Yes, sir.
[01:31:06]  You got to do the garden.
[01:31:07]  Like, you are the guy that has to do the garden.
[01:31:09]  Yeah, I want to do the garden, but I'm not telling you why the garden.
[01:31:12]  Not me, not Kevin, not Sebastian, not Rogan.
[01:31:16]  None of us are from New York.
[01:31:19]  We are all the people who don't deserve the garden.
[01:31:21]  Dice was probably the last one.
[01:31:22]  No, Louis's not from it.
[01:31:24]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:31:24]  I think Dice might have been the last one.
[01:31:26]  Yeah, Dice is the guy, and he's, you know, he's a New Yorker.
[01:31:28]  He represents New York.
[01:31:29]  Yeah, Rock, Rock did it.
[01:31:31]  Rock did it, but Rock's a different situation.
[01:31:33]  You know what I mean?
[01:31:34]  Yeah.
[01:31:35]  Like you are due for the garden.
[01:31:36]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:31:37]  What's your New York play next?
[01:31:38]  We're doing Radio City.
[01:31:39]  We're doing two at Radio City.
[01:31:40]  Oh, I did that 12 years ago.
[01:31:42]  Yeah.
[01:31:43]  January of January of 2010.
[01:31:47]  That was unnecessary.
[01:31:48]  I'm going to be honest with you.
[01:31:50]  Piece of shit.
[01:31:51]  Yeah, I did that.
[01:31:51]  I did that.
[01:31:52]  And look where you are now.
[01:31:53]  That's right.
[01:31:54]  Here we are, guys.
[01:31:55]  You met the beacon this week.
[01:31:59]  No, but Radio City enjoyed it for stand-up.
[01:32:01]  I loved it.
[01:32:02]  And you know what's funny?
[01:32:03]  One of my security guys, all my security guys are guys I grew up with.
[01:32:07]  They're just, everyone's like, man, these black dudes are big.
[01:32:10]  I'm like, this is just fucking guys I grew up with.
[01:32:12]  None of them are even security.
[01:32:13]  They're just big dudes that I grew up with.
[01:32:14]  I'd be like, yo, back up.
[01:32:17]  It's just like having your boys with, yo, focused.
[01:32:19]  You fucking with my man.
[01:32:20]  You know, like, that's what they are.
[01:32:22]  They don't do security for a living.
[01:32:24]  Right.
[01:32:24]  And one of my guys, he's on stage with me, and he's a short, chubby guy.
[01:32:29]  And some guy working at Radio City goes, man, this is so cool, man.
[01:32:35]  You comedians support each other.
[01:32:37]  I'm like, huh?
[01:32:38]  He goes, man, I can't believe Sedgic the Entertainer is here.
[01:32:43]  Wow.
[01:32:43]  I got to get a picture of Pick pulled up for this.
[01:32:46]  And he either gets said or people go, CeeLo.
[01:32:50]  Yo, I'm going to ask you a question on something you just said.
[01:32:53]  You grew up, you were friends of mostly black kids growing up.
[01:32:56]  It seems like you identify more with black culture than Indian culture or like black American culture than Indian Canadian culture or whatever.
[01:33:04]  Yeah.
[01:33:04]  Yeah.
[01:33:05]  That's correct.
[01:33:06]  Is that weird for you that you're, you are our guy.
[01:33:09]  You're our fucking number one.
[01:33:10]  You're the guy.
[01:33:11]  So here's the thing for me.
[01:33:12]  Any Indian in his right mind gives it up to you.
[01:33:14]  I think the reason that is because I don't have like an alliance to a certain part of India.
[01:33:21]  People look at me, they don't go, oh, oh, he's one of them.
[01:33:25]  I'm the guy that's very ambiguous for the Indian scene.
[01:33:27]  You grew up everybody's hat in.
[01:33:29]  Yeah.
[01:33:30]  Yeah.
[01:33:30]  Well, so my parents are both Anglo-Indians.
[01:33:32]  Now we'll give you a little tutorial on Anglo-Indians later.
[01:33:35]  But Anglo-Indians are products of the British being there.
[01:33:38]  Right.
[01:33:38]  And Anglo-Indians historically married Anglo-Indians so that we would try to keep this alive.
[01:33:43]  Right.
[01:33:44]  So my, like everyone, I never met an Akash or anybody with an Indian name growing up, especially at any family function.
[01:33:52]  You know, my parents are Eric and Maureen.
[01:33:54]  My grandparents are Christopher and Sheila and James and Eileen.
[01:33:58]  Wow.
[01:33:58]  You know, these are, you know.
[01:34:00]  So this is interesting.
[01:34:01]  Like a lot of times I think the best observers of culture are people who sit right outside of it.
[01:34:05]  You got to be an outsider.
[01:34:06]  Yeah.
[01:34:07]  So you sat right outside even your own culture.
[01:34:10]  Yeah.
[01:34:11]  And that's why you're able to make the observations in that way.
[01:34:14]  Like, yeah.
[01:34:15]  I was able to watch all of it.
[01:34:17]  And then it wasn't until I was around 1920 that I started to see Indian people more.
[01:34:23]  Yeah.
[01:34:23]  And the funny thing is where I grew up, now it's like 98% Indian.
[01:34:28]  What area?
[01:34:29]  Brampton.
[01:34:29]  Bramlett Doug.
[01:34:30]  That's what I was curious about because you grew up in Brampton.
[01:34:32]  But not so Indian.
[01:34:34]  70s and 80s?
[01:34:34]  Nah.
[01:34:35]  Huh.
[01:34:35]  When I graduated high school in 88, I think there was maybe three other Indian kids in my school.
[01:34:40]  Okay.
[01:34:40]  And they were like just from India.
[01:34:43]  Yeah.
[01:34:43]  Like the girl had the long hair with the one braid.
[01:34:46]  You know what I mean?
[01:34:46]  That kind of Indian.
[01:34:47]  And she didn't really speak English.
[01:34:48]  So I don't even know her name.
[01:34:50]  I wouldn't even talk.
[01:34:51]  What was that like being Indian in Brampton before they're Indians?
[01:34:54]  Well, I had to deal with all the racism.
[01:34:56]  I mean, that's why I hung around the black kids because they never picked it.
[01:34:58]  Can I say one thing?
[01:34:59]  Technically, the racists were right.
[01:35:00]  Like you guys were about to take over?
[01:35:02]  No, they weren't even worried about that.
[01:35:05]  They weren't even worried about that.
[01:35:06]  They were just like the leftover races from England coming fucking packy.
[01:35:11]  But it was like, so when black Americans talk about like the 50s and 60s, I know exactly what they're talking about, what they felt because.
[01:35:18]  Outside of the segregation.
[01:35:19]  Yeah, because I would be like, if I saw a white guy walk, if I saw him walking down the street in the 70s or early 80s, I would cross the street.
[01:35:28]  And this is Canada.
[01:35:29]  This is Canada.
[01:35:30]  Wow.
[01:35:31]  Because I'm not sure.
[01:35:32]  I know he's going to do something.
[01:35:34]  Whether he left the house thinking he was going to or not, I know he's going to do something.
[01:35:38]  He's either going to spit on me, punch me, and call me names, or do all three.
[01:35:44]  I was like, so I'd see white people like, oh, fuck, I gotta go.
[01:35:46]  I gotta.
[01:35:47]  So, when did Canada change up?
[01:35:48]  When did Camera?
[01:35:49]  Well, I don't know that it's changed.
[01:35:50]  And Canada's always been real quiet with whatever bullshit we do.
[01:35:53]  We're always very quiet about it.
[01:35:54]  We're like, don't talk about it, guys.
[01:35:56]  Right.
[01:35:57]  Right.
[01:35:57]  You know, right?
[01:35:58]  First date with the new mouse.
[01:35:59]  You have a puncher's chance.
[01:36:00]  Yeah.
[01:36:01]  You don't have a punch's chance in that fucking dream.
[01:36:04]  Okay.
[01:36:05]  Wow, that's crazy.
[01:36:06]  I never thought.
[01:36:06]  I never.
[01:36:07]  And the black kids that I grew up with were all immigrants too.
[01:36:10]  They're all Jamaicans and immigrants and Guyanese.
[01:36:13]  Yeah, black Americans always looked at me as like still very different.
[01:36:16]  But I did.
[01:36:16]  Yeah, but you're also 20 years younger than me.
[01:36:19]  Yeah, and it's the same thing you spoke of, though, where it's like, not to the same degree, but you kind of have to choose a side.
[01:36:23]  Am I going to hang out with these white people?
[01:36:24]  I'm going to hang out with these black people because there's no like Indian group for me to hang out with where I grew up.
[01:36:29]  And also growing up, like poor neighborhoods in America are Hispanic and black.
[01:36:34]  In Toronto, they were Indian and black.
[01:36:37]  So we were always together.
[01:36:39]  Whether we wanted to be or not, we were always together.
[01:36:41]  Right.
[01:36:41]  So you understand each other a lot better.
[01:36:44]  And growing up, you know, my family was blue-collar.
[01:36:47]  So it wasn't like we had, you know, there was no like, oh, my son's going to go and do this.
[01:36:52]  I was like, my dad was like, I think I can get you in at the plant if you want to come and check out some fucking chickens.
[01:36:57]  He goes, but I'd advise you against it.
[01:36:59]  It stinks.
[01:37:00]  The job stinks.
[01:37:01]  It stinks.
[01:37:01]  So they were cool with you being a comic.
[01:37:03]  They didn't have an issue.
[01:37:04]  Again, they didn't know what it was because there was none before me.
[01:37:07]  Yeah.
[01:37:07]  My Indian uncles and aunties, up until very recently, you were the only reference they had to stand up.
[01:37:12]  Yeah, they'll say I'm a stand-up.
[01:37:13]  They go, Russell Peters.
[01:37:14]  They don't know Chris Rock.
[01:37:15]  They don't know Eddie Murphy.
[01:37:16]  They just know you.
[01:37:17]  How do your parents do they fucking love that?
[01:37:19]  Well, my mom, now she'll do things.
[01:37:22]  She's like, because I put her on TV enough times so people see her and they go, Are you Russell's mom?
[01:37:29]  Oh, no, I don't know who that is.
[01:37:31]  And I'm like, but she loves it.
[01:37:32]  You can see the little smile.
[01:37:33]  Like, I don't know who that is.
[01:37:34]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:37:35]  This little 80-year-old Indian woman.
[01:37:36]  But my mom looks like she's like a Hispanic lady.
[01:37:39]  You know what I mean?
[01:37:40]  Right.
[01:37:40]  Because she's a little darker than him, a little lighter than him.
[01:37:44]  You know what I mean?
[01:37:45]  Yeah.
[01:37:45]  And she's got white hair and she's little.
[01:37:47]  So is your like, are you claimed by Canada?
[01:37:51]  Yes.
[01:37:52]  Yeah.
[01:37:53]  Interesting.
[01:37:53]  Yeah.
[01:37:54]  So you're just Canadian comedian there.
[01:37:59]  Right.
[01:37:59]  Over there, I'm their guy.
[01:38:01]  Yes.
[01:38:01]  And I have no problem being that.
[01:38:03]  Of course.
[01:38:03]  Despite whatever the fuck happened to me growing up, I always people go, you must be mad at white people.
[01:38:08]  I'm like, why would I be mad at white people?
[01:38:09]  Without them fucking me up like that, I wouldn't be this today.
[01:38:13]  So I kind of thanked them for that little trauma they gave me for the first 15 years.
[01:38:18]  Right.
[01:38:19]  Then it stopped when I started boxing, the funny enough.
[01:38:21]  So the minute I learned how to fight, they stopped.
[01:38:23]  I was like, well, this is some bullshit.
[01:38:26]  So then you come to America and then you blow up, you blow up here, you blow up in all these different places.
[01:38:32]  But for whatever reason, this is the thing I was always curious about.
[01:38:35]  I was like, how the fuck can this guy be selling out more shows than everybody else, making more money than everybody else on the road?
[01:38:42]  Like you'd see like the Forbes list of like people who made the money.
[01:38:45]  Right.
[01:38:46]  And it's Jerry Seinfeld, Russell Peters, you know, Kevin Hart, whatever, right?
[01:38:52]  And then I was like, why the fuck haven't they made a TV show with this guy, a movie with this guy?
[01:38:57]  I really didn't understand it.
[01:38:58]  And I had my suspicions, but what do you think?
[01:39:00]  Here's what I think.
[01:39:01]  I think, number one, because they didn't create me.
[01:39:04]  If they create you, they own you.
[01:39:08]  I want to elaborate on this a little bit, but go, go, go, go.
[01:39:10]  Once they make you, they can take it from you.
[01:39:13]  But they also like to promote it because they need to pat themselves up.
[01:39:16]  Yeah, we are right.
[01:39:17]  Yeah.
[01:39:17]  So they had nothing to do with who I am.
[01:39:20]  So they're kind of spiteful towards me, I feel.
[01:39:24]  So then they go and create their own guys.
[01:39:26]  I'm not going to name names, but I think we know who they are.
[01:39:28]  Yeah.
[01:39:29]  And they give them things really easy.
[01:39:31]  Who, are you thinking?
[01:39:34]  I sneezed.
[01:39:34]  I'm sorry.
[01:39:38]  That was good.
[01:39:41]  That was good.
[01:39:42]  That was real good.
[01:39:44]  Continue.
[01:39:45]  Well done.
[01:39:46]  Well executed.
[01:39:47]  Probably practiced it before, to be honest with you.
[01:39:49]  He probably had that in his head.
[01:39:51]  The name, yes, but the actual act out.
[01:39:53]  It was brand new.
[01:39:54]  Hey, my man still got it, dog.
[01:39:55]  My man still got it.
[01:39:56]  Beacon Theater.
[01:39:57]  Go.
[01:40:00]  So I think because they didn't create me number one.
[01:40:03]  And number two, I talk about things that make them very fucking nervous.
[01:40:06]  And the funny thing for me is that they're nervous.
[01:40:10]  America is so uptight and scared and nervous to hear people talk about race or culture.
[01:40:17]  And that's why when I see you do it, they go, well, how come Andrew Schultz gets it?
[01:40:20]  I go, because you can see in his fucking face, he's kidding.
[01:40:24]  Yeah.
[01:40:25]  It's about the look.
[01:40:26]  It's about the intent.
[01:40:27]  It's not about.
[01:40:28]  You can feel the energy.
[01:40:29]  Yeah.
[01:40:29]  It's about knowing where the person's heart is when they say it.
[01:40:33]  And part of that both of y'all do is knowing specifics about people.
[01:40:36]  Yes.
[01:40:36]  It's not that.
[01:40:37]  It's not brushstrokes of, oh, you're a Latino woman and you're going to get pregnant.
[01:40:41]  You might get those jokes, but there's always going to be enough nuance that you're like, oh, okay, this guy knows.
[01:40:45]  He's not just saying shit.
[01:40:46]  If groups that aren't often represented feel represented and in a way that's not like hacky, like in a way that they're like, holy shit, how do you know that about us?
[01:40:55]  They really appreciate it.
[01:40:56]  And what is racism?
[01:40:57]  We always say this.
[01:40:58]  What is it rooted in?
[01:40:58]  It's rooted in ignorance.
[01:40:59]  So if the joke in and of itself is not ignorant, it's enlightened.
[01:41:02]  It's like, oh, this guy can't be racist because racism is rooted in the opposite of this.
[01:41:06]  Well, the problem is that the industry is so fucking dumb and trained to not think about that stuff, to not recognize differences unless it benefits their fucking purpose.
[01:41:17]  Yeah.
[01:41:18]  That it scares them.
[01:41:19]  So they'll be like, what did he say?
[01:41:21]  Did he just call that guy a black guy?
[01:41:23]  I'm like, well, is he not?
[01:41:25]  Like, am I fucking seeing something you don't see right now?
[01:41:28]  And so it makes them very uncomfortable.
[01:41:30]  And I've heard people like try to dissect my act before on a podcast talking shit about me.
[01:41:37]  And they were like, well, listen to this bit.
[01:41:39]  And then they played my bit about the difference between Cantonese and Mandarin.
[01:41:43]  And they were so fucking hacky just doing a Chinese voice like that.
[01:41:46]  I go, no, you fucking idiot.
[01:41:48]  The Chinese people loved it because I knew the difference between Cantonese and Mandarin.
[01:41:52]  So it's white people getting offended on your behalf, which is a joke I did 17 years ago.
[01:41:58]  I go, and when somebody gets, when white people get offended on your behalf, that's more insulting to you because that means they think you're too dumb.
[01:42:05]  You don't defend yourself.
[01:42:06]  You're too dumb to recognize that.
[01:42:07]  That's too pathetic.

=== Freshly Meals and Palate Fatigue (02:51) ===

[01:42:09]  Now, can I ask you a question?
[01:42:10]  Does that bother you that you didn't crack off here?
[01:42:13]  No, it used to for a minute, but it doesn't bother me at all anymore.
[01:42:17]  Because I would say you have the best case scenario, career, fame, everything.
[01:42:21]  Because you are rich as fuck, made tons of money.
[01:42:24]  You know, you grossed a lot of money.
[01:42:26]  The problem with me was I got caught up in the gross numbers.
[01:42:30]  I forgot about after tax numbers, after agents and lawyers and managers.
[01:42:35]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:42:35]  And then you realize how much little you have left.
[01:42:38]  You're like, motherfucker, I did not know.
[01:42:40]  You see that Forbes number, you're like, who?
[01:42:41]  Yeah, even if it was like that.
[01:42:43]  Shit, I googled myself and said my net worth was like $100 million.
[01:42:46]  I go, I don't even have $100.
[01:42:48]  What are you talking about?
[01:42:50]  Well, okay.
[01:42:51]  So you grossed a lot of money.
[01:42:54]  But I tried living like a rapper.
[01:42:59]  Yo, I would see you bawling out and I'd be like, this is so not Indian.
[01:43:02]  That's how I knew you grew up with Christian parents.
[01:43:05]  Well, I was raised Catholic and then I read the book and I'm an atheist.
[01:43:08]  So it's perfect.
[01:43:10]  All right, guys, let's take a break for a second because we need to make sure you're eating right, okay?
[01:43:14]  This is an important thing in your life, getting good, nutritious food.
[01:43:18]  And how are you going to do it?
[01:43:19]  You're going to do it with Freshly.
[01:43:21]  You're going to get food that's fast, but doesn't have to be fast food, okay?
[01:43:25]  Because Freshly offers quality meals without the hard work.
[01:43:29]  It's way easier than finding food that's not processed and blah, blah, blah.
[01:43:33]  Fast, pre-cooked meals.
[01:43:34]  They take care of it.
[01:43:35]  Done.
[01:43:35]  Also, no one wants to spend an hour cooking dinner after a rough ass day at work already.
[01:43:40]  Okay.
[01:43:40]  It's infuriating.
[01:43:42]  It's difficult.
[01:43:43]  You just want to have it ready to go.
[01:43:45]  Yep.
[01:43:45]  And that's what Freshly is going to do for you.
[01:43:48]  Akash, you love Freshly.
[01:43:49]  Bro, I'm all about it.
[01:43:50]  Why?
[01:43:50]  Why?
[01:43:51]  They got healthy options.
[01:43:52]  The food tastes good.
[01:43:53]  They swap out the menu items all the time.
[01:43:54]  So you get new stuff.
[01:43:56]  New stuff.
[01:43:56]  Yeah.
[01:43:57]  I don't want to get palate fatigued.
[01:43:58]  You get tired of eating the same shit over and over again.
[01:44:00]  Remember, it's fresh and never frozen.
[01:44:02]  Okay.
[01:44:02]  They're ready to heat and enjoy in just three minutes.
[01:44:05]  This is huge.
[01:44:06]  Okay.
[01:44:06]  They're already making the meal for you.
[01:44:08]  It's fresh.
[01:44:08]  It's not frozen.
[01:44:10]  Heat, ready to enjoy in just three minutes.
[01:44:11]  Okay.
[01:44:12]  You got to choose from over 50 nutritionist designed entrees, like their classic steak peppergorn.
[01:44:17]  They got the multi-serve sides, like their massful mac and cheese, and their new line of plant-based meals.
[01:44:24]  Okay.
[01:44:24]  New meals are added weekly, so you're never stuck eating the same thing over and over again.
[01:44:28]  Stop stressing about dinner.
[01:44:30]  Right now, Freshly is offering our listeners $40 off your first two orders when you go to freshly.com slash flagrant.
[01:44:37]  That's $40 off at freshly.com slash flagrant.
[01:44:41]  This is a no-brainer.
[01:44:43]  Enjoy the things you eat.
[01:44:45]  Freshly is going to make that happen.
[01:44:47]  Now, let's get back to this show.
[01:44:48]  Did you watch Hip Hop Evolution on Netflix?
[01:44:50]  Oh, you really should.
[01:44:51]  Did you watch it?
[01:44:52]  Netflix is dead, bro.
[01:44:55]  You're not going to hear an argument with me on that.
[01:44:57]  I don't care.
[01:44:58]  I'm blackballed from Netflix.
[01:44:59]  Are you blackballed?

=== Netflix Blackballing and Hip Hop (15:20) ===

[01:45:00]  Why?
[01:45:00]  As far as I know.
[01:45:01]  What happened?
[01:45:02]  I don't know.
[01:45:03]  I say blackball because I realize I am.
[01:45:06]  They don't say it to you.
[01:45:07]  Oh, yeah.
[01:45:07]  Nobody notifies you.
[01:45:08]  But why?
[01:45:08]  They're not answering calls?
[01:45:10]  No.
[01:45:10]  Really?
[01:45:10]  They don't answer calls.
[01:45:11]  And anytime my name gets put forward, it gets nixed.
[01:45:14]  Really?
[01:45:15]  Why?
[01:45:15]  What's the deal?
[01:45:16]  Because that fucking sneezing joke you just did 15 minutes ago.
[01:45:20]  Do you think it is them protecting that?
[01:45:22]  I don't know what it is, but whatever.
[01:45:23]  Fuck it.
[01:45:24]  Is there someone there that you got beef with that's talent-wise?
[01:45:27]  I don't.
[01:45:28]  Again, I don't really understand it.
[01:45:30]  Interesting.
[01:45:31]  I really don't understand, but I'm like, whatever.
[01:45:33]  I mean, here's what you can't deny.
[01:45:36]  That comedy division doesn't exist without me.
[01:45:39]  I started it.
[01:45:40]  That's a fact, bro.
[01:45:41]  You're the seed.
[01:45:42]  So I'm the seed.
[01:45:43]  And I'm like, go ahead.
[01:45:44]  Focus on the truth.
[01:45:44]  Wait, what comedy division?
[01:45:46]  Speak on that.
[01:45:46]  Speak on that.
[01:45:47]  Well, just the stand-up division.
[01:45:48]  I mean, it didn't exist before me.
[01:45:49]  Streaming stand-up, you mean, specifically?
[01:45:51]  The straight to Netflix specials was me.
[01:45:54]  I was the first guy.
[01:45:55]  You were the first Netflix?
[01:45:56]  I was the first one.
[01:45:57]  On Netflix?
[01:45:58]  Yeah.
[01:45:59]  The first Netflix original stand-up special was me.
[01:46:02]  Oh, wow.
[01:46:03]  Holy with your chest, fam.
[01:46:06]  Yeah, 2013.
[01:46:07]  Wow.
[01:46:07]  I see that.
[01:46:08]  I made me remember that, actually.
[01:46:10]  Notorious.
[01:46:11]  There you go.
[01:46:12]  It's not even on there anymore.
[01:46:13]  Shit, they took it down?
[01:46:14]  Of course.
[01:46:14]  Why?
[01:46:15]  What do you think?
[01:46:15]  Did you give them like amount of years or something like that?
[01:46:17]  No, they own it for forever.
[01:46:19]  So why would they take it down?
[01:46:20]  I don't know.
[01:46:22]  Yeah, you know, bro.
[01:46:23]  I really don't know.
[01:46:24]  I mean, I don't know.
[01:46:24]  It could be cycled out, which is fair.
[01:46:26]  And then it comes back in.
[01:46:28]  It may or may not.
[01:46:29]  I don't know.
[01:46:30]  Or it could just be they don't fuck with you.
[01:46:32]  They take all your shit out.
[01:46:33]  Whoa.
[01:46:34]  Which they have the power to.
[01:46:35]  They're fucking bigger than I'll ever be.
[01:46:37]  Right.
[01:46:38]  And, you know, what am I going to do?
[01:46:39]  I'm not going to go up against them.
[01:46:41]  Yeah.
[01:46:41]  I mean, if they come around and want to fuck with me, I'm not saying I'm not, I won't do work with them, but you don't want to work with me.
[01:46:47]  That's on you, not me.
[01:46:48]  Why not just put it out on YouTube, man?
[01:46:50]  It's like YouTube's been so good for you.
[01:46:52]  Well, my next special, I'm trying to determine what I'm going to do with it.
[01:46:54]  We just determined it.
[01:46:55]  Yeah, sure.
[01:46:56]  YouTube?
[01:46:57]  Bro, it's not even a question.
[01:46:58]  It's like...
[01:46:59]  Like, I was going to shoot it in December, actually.
[01:47:02]  Put it out in March.
[01:47:03]  It's the, you know, I'll feature for you.
[01:47:05]  My special in February.
[01:47:06]  I'll open it for you.
[01:47:06]  Where's yours going?
[01:47:07]  YouTube.
[01:47:08]  On your channel, right?
[01:47:09]  Yeah, 100%.
[01:47:10]  Why else?
[01:47:11]  And you've built your channel.
[01:47:12]  I've been watching.
[01:47:13]  But YouTube is this place.
[01:47:15]  It's a different beast, man.
[01:47:16]  You get algorithmic health.
[01:47:17]  It's not even like Netflix.
[01:47:19]  You know what I mean?
[01:47:20]  Like, Netflix has a way smaller group of people that it can share your special with.
[01:47:23]  Right.
[01:47:24]  But YouTube is a world.
[01:47:25]  And that's where the fuck you blew up in the first place.
[01:47:27]  That's exactly why I said I wanted to do the 10th one there.
[01:47:30]  I'm coming.
[01:47:31]  Well, it's better than that.
[01:47:36]  All right, fair enough.
[01:47:37]  Yo, it's got to be YouTube, man.
[01:47:39]  Absolutely.
[01:47:41]  YouTube, there's some other platforms I'm exploring.
[01:47:44]  Like what?
[01:47:45]  I can't say.
[01:47:46]  I don't want anybody to take my idea yet.
[01:47:47]  All right, fair enough.
[01:47:49]  Listen, if you get a stupid bag, obviously go there.
[01:47:52]  But like, nah, bro, fuck that.
[01:47:53]  If I see you on Quibi, I'm fighting you.
[01:47:55]  If you see any, if you see Quibi, you should be like, that's actually impressive.
[01:47:58]  Like, did Russell buy Quibby?
[01:48:00]  No.
[01:48:00]  Did Will Smith have something to do with Quibi at some point?
[01:48:02]  Nah, everybody tried.
[01:48:04]  You knew that you was going to fail immediately.
[01:48:06]  It's got they were just giving money out like crazy.
[01:48:08]  Like, crazy.
[01:48:09]  Yeah.
[01:48:10]  No one cared ever.
[01:48:12]  I think YouTube's a play, bro.
[01:48:14]  I'm not against it at all.
[01:48:16]  Now, you would have to just wait for the money to come later.
[01:48:19]  The money is on the road.
[01:48:21]  Right.
[01:48:21]  No, that I understand.
[01:48:22]  Well, I'm, yeah.
[01:48:23]  I want to figure out a way where like comics can make like a, I want us to figure out a way where like comics can make like as much money on YouTube as they would doing a Netflix special or something like that.
[01:48:32]  Well, I think that's easily possible.
[01:48:34]  It's easily possible for you.
[01:48:35]  Unless you're Dave Chris or one of those guys.
[01:48:37]  Exactly.
[01:48:38]  Yeah.
[01:48:38]  Then you're not going to make that money.
[01:48:39]  Right.
[01:48:40]  So it's like, yeah, because the offers that you might get if you're an up-and-coming comic on Netflix are not going to be that crazy.
[01:48:46]  And you can make way more money on the road if you're selling tickets if your special blows up online.
[01:48:50]  So, but I just figured if you look at making the money on the road, which has done so well for you, like you just want the thing that's going to get in front of the most people so they can come see the live show.
[01:48:59]  Yeah, I mean, listen, I'm 33 years in the game this year.
[01:49:02]  God bless.
[01:49:03]  And I can't stop the road.
[01:49:05]  You love it.
[01:49:06]  I basically want to get out of the industry, but just do stand-up.
[01:49:10]  That's like I don't care about film or TV.
[01:49:13]  That's what you've been doing.
[01:49:14]  Yeah.
[01:49:14]  Well, no, because I gave up on that.
[01:49:16]  You know what I mean?
[01:49:16]  I'm like, ah, fuck it.
[01:49:18]  No, I really believe that.
[01:49:18]  Because I get calls now.
[01:49:19]  Do you want to be the dad?
[01:49:20]  I'm like, man, this is some bullshit.
[01:49:22]  Yeah.
[01:49:23]  Did you ever want to do that?
[01:49:24]  I did want to be an actor at one point.
[01:49:26]  Really?
[01:49:26]  And then, you know, it's funny.
[01:49:28]  Did you want to, or did it just seem like what you're supposed to do?
[01:49:30]  This is the next step in superstard.
[01:49:32]  When I started doing stand-up in 89, at first, I was like, I want to be an actor.
[01:49:36]  And then somebody's, well, you're going to need to offer him something else.
[01:49:38]  Yes.
[01:49:38]  I was like, well, then I'll maybe go do stand-up first and then see what happens.
[01:49:42]  And then I got told early in my career, like in the early 90s, you're not good looking enough to be an actor.
[01:49:47]  Just do stand-up.
[01:49:48]  And I was like, I look back.
[01:49:50]  I was a handsome motherfucker back then.
[01:49:53]  But I was like, all right, fine.
[01:49:54]  I'm not, you know.
[01:49:55]  And then I was told there's interviews of me you could see from the 90s where I'm talking about how like there's no product placement with Indian people.
[01:50:03]  You don't see sprite sprite.
[01:50:05]  You know, just like we don't consume the same shit everybody else does.
[01:50:08]  And now you'll see it.
[01:50:10]  And it's always like this forced look where it's like the Indian guy with a white girl on whatever, like a spectrum TV commercial.
[01:50:18]  That's fucking crazy.
[01:50:19]  And I'm like, why?
[01:50:20]  Why has it got to be that?
[01:50:21]  You know what I mean?
[01:50:23]  I saw one ad.
[01:50:23]  I'm not making this up.
[01:50:24]  I saw one ad.
[01:50:25]  It was an Asian woman, a black husband, and two white kids with yamakos.
[01:50:30]  I'm like, how the fuck did that happen?
[01:50:32]  Yeah.
[01:50:33]  Where the fuck was that picture?
[01:50:35]  The industry really wants diversity, but in their terms.
[01:50:38]  They don't understand what diversity is.
[01:50:40]  Yeah, they want to dictate your identity still.
[01:50:42]  They want color diversity, but they don't want culture diversity.
[01:50:45]  Yeah.
[01:50:45]  Yeah, they don't understand that.
[01:50:47]  It's like, be white, but look Indian.
[01:50:49]  Yeah.
[01:50:49]  Well, not even that.
[01:50:50]  They just, they want to put a room together of people that would never hang out together and be like, oh, they're best friends.
[01:50:56]  Right.
[01:50:56]  Like, no, they're not.
[01:50:57]  They fucking barely know each other.
[01:50:58]  Yeah.
[01:50:59]  That's not how the group last night, I was the only Indian guy at my table.
[01:51:02]  So I'm like, that's what I know my diversity like.
[01:51:05]  Right.
[01:51:06]  Yeah.
[01:51:06]  Yeah.
[01:51:07]  I mean, I mean, look, I mean, this room is pretty diverse.
[01:51:09]  You'll have this room.
[01:51:10]  I was looking at it.
[01:51:10]  I go, but we are exceptional.
[01:51:11]  This is like a movie.
[01:51:12]  This is like a casting room.
[01:51:14]  We are exceptional in that sense.
[01:51:15]  And in that same room in Hollywood, they get those guys together and then no offensive jokes would fly.
[01:51:19]  Oh, yeah.
[01:51:20]  You know what I mean?
[01:51:20]  Like they have to also do very safe cultural jokes.
[01:51:22]  And it's like, that's not, now you're asking for way too much.
[01:51:25]  This is asking for a lie.
[01:51:27]  Now, asking for this, and it has to be the type of comedy you want that's safe and not offensive.
[01:51:30]  That's asking for too much.
[01:51:32]  I was supposed to be in the last barbershop that came out in 2000.
[01:51:35]  Oh, you'd have crushed it.
[01:51:37]  And so, Malcolm Lee, when I went for the audition, was like, Oh my god, I'm such a big fan.
[01:51:41]  Thank you for coming.
[01:51:42]  He gave it to another Indian guy.
[01:51:43]  I remember, yeah, I think I'm such a we're gonna have such a good time on this movie.
[01:51:47]  And I'm like, Oh, I got this.
[01:51:49]  This is awesome.
[01:51:50]  I go, He goes, You want to go uh meet tomorrow?
[01:51:52]  Let's meet tomorrow.
[01:51:53]  Let's go meet the Beverly Hills Hotel and have some breakfast.
[01:51:55]  Went for breakfast.
[01:51:56]  I fucking paid like an asshole.
[01:51:57]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:51:59]  And then we're like, Let's work on the character.
[01:52:01]  And they go, Because the line was like, you know, they're working in a black barbershop and they're making jokes at my about being Indian, and the character's not saying anything back.
[01:52:10]  I go, If he works in a black barbershop, he's there's no way he's gonna sit there and take it.
[01:52:14]  He's got to give it back.
[01:52:16]  And I said, Having grown up around black dudes, I understand.
[01:52:18]  If they give it to you, give it back to them twice as fucking hurtful.
[01:52:21]  God, and so growing up, I would, you know, walk home from school, be like, We'd be snapping on each other the whole way home.
[01:52:26]  Like, yo, Russell, can you smell what your mom's cooking from here?
[01:52:29]  Like, I go, man, they'd make the big nose jokes.
[01:52:33]  I'd make the big lip jokes.
[01:52:34]  I'd be like, Your lips look like a pound of liver, your lips look like suitcase handles, your lips look like your lips look like bicycle pedals, you know what I mean?
[01:52:43]  They were just like suitcase handles is crazy.
[01:52:47]  That's so good.
[01:52:48]  Okay, and then what happened?
[01:52:49]  You suggested that, and then no, no, so yeah, he goes, So they were like, Oh, uh, they go, Oh, tunduri chicken's feeling a little frisky today.
[01:52:55]  And I'm like, Well, I'm gonna like snap back on him.
[01:52:58]  And he was like, Okay, yeah, I like that.
[01:52:59]  I like that.
[01:53:00]  And then they're like, Then I went on the road and I got a call on the road.
[01:53:03]  He's like, Hey, they want you to come in and read again the studio.
[01:53:05]  And I go, What?
[01:53:06]  What do you mean?
[01:53:07]  Read again.
[01:53:07]  Well, they want to make some changes.
[01:53:09]  They don't think your character should be.
[01:53:11]  So I'm like, Wait, you're okay if I get fucking abused out there, but it's not okay if I defend myself because they're black.
[01:53:18]  Yeah.
[01:53:18]  I go, That's fucking ridiculous.
[01:53:20]  All my friends are black.
[01:53:21]  We do this daily.
[01:53:22]  Yeah.
[01:53:22]  Yeah.
[01:53:23]  I go, just because the studio heads can't comprehend that.
[01:53:26]  Yeah.
[01:53:27]  So then they were like, okay, well, I think they're going to go with someone younger.
[01:53:31]  Yeah.
[01:53:32]  And they put that kid Utkar.
[01:53:33]  Good kid.
[01:53:34]  Like him.
[01:53:34]  Funny guy.
[01:53:35]  I don't know him at all.
[01:53:35]  Never met him.
[01:53:37]  But yeah, I remember getting an audition for that and wondering, why is this?
[01:53:40]  Don't you just give this to Russell?
[01:53:42]  Yeah, I thought it was mine.
[01:53:43]  And I'm around the same age as the rest of the barbers, so it would have made sense.
[01:53:46]  Yeah.
[01:53:47]  Yeah.
[01:53:47]  You know, but what are you going to do?
[01:53:49]  You know what was crazy when I saw you on the um they brought back Deaf Comedy Jam 2007.
[01:53:55]  Yeah.
[01:53:56]  And uh I remember two sets from that Deaf Comedy Jam.
[01:54:00]  I remember Patrice O'Neill.
[01:54:01]  Yes.
[01:54:02]  And I remember yours.
[01:54:03]  And you dropped the M-bomb and people were going crazy.
[01:54:09]  I did it the whole set.
[01:54:10]  The whole set.
[01:54:12]  And but you were like describing how black people use it.
[01:54:15]  You weren't like calling people, but like it was one of those things where it's like, we were even talking earlier about like cultural nuance and understanding.
[01:54:22]  And for whatever reason, they felt safe and comfortable enough for you to say it and everybody died laughing.
[01:54:27]  And distinctly I remember those two sets.
[01:54:29]  I remember you and Patrice.
[01:54:30]  And I remember specifically with you going like, holy shit, that is a very fucking brave choice.
[01:54:36]  Did you question it?
[01:54:37]  And did you ever think about not doing it?
[01:54:39]  No, when I went to go do it, I was comfortable.
[01:54:42]  But when I started the set, I started getting nervous.
[01:54:45]  And when I did that, the joke about the Mondays.
[01:54:49]  Mondays, I thought that was that one.
[01:54:50]  Yeah.
[01:54:53]  In Boston, the guy said Mondays, he's talking about black people.
[01:54:57]  He said, we call black people out here.
[01:54:59]  I go, why do you call them Mondays?
[01:55:00]  He goes, because nobody fucking likes Mondays.
[01:55:01]  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:55:03]  And then when I did the punchline, it went silent in the room.
[01:55:07]  Like you could hear a pin drop in that room.
[01:55:09]  And I remember fucking my body getting drenched.
[01:55:12]  I was like, and that's when I just panicked, you motherfuckers need to know this shit.
[01:55:17]  And then they stood up and clapped like, but I was so that's a good save.
[01:55:24]  I was fucking shitting my pants at that moment.
[01:55:28]  If you watch it, you'll see in my eyes.
[01:55:30]  You'll see my eyes go.
[01:55:31]  Yo, get that up, please.
[01:55:33]  Literally, my eyes go.
[01:55:35]  What the fuck did I just do?
[01:55:36]  Because did you try that joke out at clubs?
[01:55:38]  No, the story literally had just happened.
[01:55:41]  It was shot on a Sunday.
[01:55:42]  I had flown in that Sunday morning from Boston.
[01:55:46]  So, hold on.
[01:55:48]  So, the thing that you were going to tape and have lived forever on HBO, you just did the day before?
[01:55:54]  No, I didn't even do it.
[01:55:56]  It happened.
[01:55:56]  So, you didn't even want to like.
[01:55:59]  The story happened the night, like the Friday night.
[01:56:04]  The Friday night when I was in Boston.
[01:56:06]  Yeah.
[01:56:07]  This white dude said that to me.
[01:56:08]  And I'm like, what the fuck?
[01:56:10]  Yeah.
[01:56:10]  And then I told the story on the Sunday when we shot Def Jam.
[01:56:14]  That's fire.
[01:56:15]  I mean, that's wild.
[01:56:16]  Fire.
[01:56:16]  That's wild.
[01:56:17]  Yeah.
[01:56:17]  Why?
[01:56:19]  I'm 36, 37 years old at the time.
[01:56:22]  I don't know.
[01:56:22]  I'm just like, I knew something had to go in around the N-word jokes.
[01:56:28]  Right, right.
[01:56:29]  And I was like, I need something else.
[01:56:31]  This is not enough.
[01:56:32]  And then I just happened to, I told the story to Ruben Paul, one of my friends.
[01:56:36]  I was like, what about this?
[01:56:37]  And he goes, yo, that shit's funny.
[01:56:39]  Do that tonight.
[01:56:39]  Asshole.
[01:56:41]  Yeah, right.
[01:56:42]  And I did it, but thank goodness.
[01:56:43]  I mean, you know what, though?
[01:56:45]  That once he said, you motherfuckers need to know this, you're an ally.
[01:56:49]  And it's like, not in the way we use it now, but like, you're like, oh, he's looking out a little bit.
[01:56:53]  And so it makes that N-word joke a little bit more palatable even.
[01:56:56]  I'll give you another example of when I had the panic, the B a Man joke.
[01:57:00]  Yeah.
[01:57:00]  That wasn't part of the act.
[01:57:02]  I was panicking because it wasn't getting a laugh on the Faulty 450.
[01:57:08]  It wasn't getting the laugh I wanted.
[01:57:09]  So you needed a tag.
[01:57:10]  I needed one more tag.
[01:57:11]  So I just went, guys, look at me and said, be a man.
[01:57:14]  And that's literally the first time right there.
[01:57:18]  Wow.
[01:57:19]  The walk.
[01:57:19]  I remember, it's so crazy to like recall these things.
[01:57:22]  But I remember you walking out, and obviously I knew I was a fan, but like, I was like, I'm curious if he's going to be as confident and comfortable in front of a crowd that he shouldn't know about or shouldn't be comfortable with, right?
[01:57:34]  Obviously, you should.
[01:57:35]  You grow up with black people.
[01:57:36]  It shouldn't be a big deal.
[01:57:37]  But you walked out so comfortable.
[01:57:39]  I had no choice.
[01:57:41]  Sometimes it's not your choice.
[01:57:43]  Again, I used to box.
[01:57:44]  So in boxing, it's the same thing too.
[01:57:46]  Yeah.
[01:57:47]  If I go out and I show the guy that I'm a little nervous, he's going to fuck me up.
[01:57:51]  Yeah.
[01:57:52]  I got to go out with all this false bravado, make him think I'm not fucking, I'm not worried about you, motherfucker.
[01:57:57]  Yeah.
[01:57:57]  I ain't afraid of you, motherfucker.
[01:57:58]  Yeah.
[01:57:59]  Like when I'm doing jiu-jitsu and I'm rolling with black belts, I'm a blue belt.
[01:58:03]  Yeah.
[01:58:04]  About to be purple, but I'm a blue belt.
[01:58:07]  That sounded way gayer.
[01:58:11]  And I'm rolling with these black belts.
[01:58:13]  I can't act like, oh my God, you're going to fuck me up.
[01:58:14]  I'm like, all right, let's go.
[01:58:16]  And then I go manhandle them a little bit.
[01:58:19]  And they're like, oh, okay, motherfucker.
[01:58:20]  He's got some shit.
[01:58:21]  He knows what he's doing.
[01:58:22]  But I know they're still going to fuck me up.
[01:58:24]  At least I pretended that they weren't.
[01:58:27]  All right, let's see it.
[01:58:28]  This is what I mean about white people being real clever with their fucking racism.
[01:58:31]  I was talking to this white dude.
[01:58:32]  He goes, so you're living out there in LA now, right?
[01:58:34]  I go, yeah.
[01:58:34]  He goes, what are you doing out there?
[01:58:35]  You doing any fucking TV or anything like that?
[01:58:37]  I go, actually, yeah, I'm doing Def Jam.
[01:58:40]  Oh, really?
[01:58:40]  Isn't that for the Mondays?
[01:58:42]  I go, what?
[01:58:44]  Isn't that there for the fucking Mondays?
[01:58:46]  I go, no, I don't know when they air it.
[01:58:47]  Ah, fucking Mondays.
[01:58:49]  What the fuck is a Monday?
[01:58:51]  They call black people Mondays.
[01:58:54]  You didn't know that shit.
[01:58:59]  And I'm trying to, I'm sitting there going, oh, okay, Mondays.
[01:59:01]  And I'm trying to figure out, you ever try and figure out where the fucking slang comes from?
[01:59:05]  And then I was, I said, I remember, what the fuck?
[01:59:06]  What the fuck is a Monday?
[01:59:07]  Why do you call black people Mondays?
[01:59:09]  And I swear on my father's grave, this guy goes, because nobody likes Mondays.
[01:59:14]  That's what I'm talking about.
[01:59:16]  You need to be hip to this shit.
[01:59:20]  Save it.
[01:59:21]  Wow.
[01:59:22]  Save me that is gonna fuck with you at work the first day of the week.
[01:59:31]  Good morning, Devon.
[01:59:33]  Oh, nothing like a fucking Monday, huh?
[01:59:39]  Was the act out improv as well?
[01:59:41]  Yeah, because it was like all that controversy, man.
[01:59:45]  It's always, you know, the funny thing to me about the N-word is that white people are trying to stop black people from using the N-word.
[01:59:51]  Now, as a guy who grew up with black people, I know that the N-word does not is not specific to people.
[01:59:57]  It's a fucking noun.
[01:59:58]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:59:59]  It is used for everything else but people.
[02:00:03]  It's not specific to black people.
[02:00:04]  I see my friends like, yo, Russell, I seen you with some Chinese niggas last night.
[02:00:16]  Oh, fuck.
[02:00:17]  I see you with some Chinese.
[02:00:18]  What?
[02:00:19]  It's not specific to me.
[02:00:20]  My homeboy called me.

=== Skill Sets and Audience Connections (08:20) ===

[02:00:21]  I was like, yo, you got to put on Discovery Channel, son.
[02:00:24]  They got the shit on killer whales.
[02:00:25]  Yo, those niggas are crazy.
[02:00:31]  If I'm lying, I'm dying.
[02:00:32]  Tell me this.
[02:00:34]  Sometimes the word nigga can replace an entire sentence.
[02:00:38]  Am I lying?
[02:00:39]  I call my boy.
[02:00:39]  I was like, yo, you went out with that girl last night?
[02:00:42]  Nigga.
[02:00:44]  Thank you very much, Def Jam.
[02:00:47]  A brave choice, man.
[02:00:50]  Brave fucking choice.
[02:00:52]  Dumb moves as a kid, I say.
[02:00:54]  I'm just a bad girl.
[02:00:55]  I mean, I'm glad I got it out.
[02:00:57]  But I would never do it again.
[02:00:59]  But did you work?
[02:01:00]  Did you work it out?
[02:01:00]  Were you working it out?
[02:01:01]  No, again, this is all because they called me kind of last minute for Def Jam.
[02:01:06]  Bro, I think somebody had dropped out and they were like, we need somebody.
[02:01:10]  How about Russell Peters?
[02:01:10]  Bob Sumner was like, Russell Peters, I know him.
[02:01:12]  Yeah, he's good.
[02:01:13]  We'll get him on.
[02:01:14]  And I was like, all right, I'll do it.
[02:01:16]  I wanted to do Def Jam in the 90s.
[02:01:18]  Yeah, of course.
[02:01:18]  Yeah.
[02:01:19]  And I was like, all right, well, DL's hosting it now.
[02:01:21]  And I know DL.
[02:01:21]  I've known DL for 25 years.
[02:01:24]  Patrice was on, and I've known Patrice for 20s.
[02:01:26]  You know, I know him since the 90s.
[02:01:27]  Yeah.
[02:01:28]  So everybody I knew was doing it.
[02:01:30]  So I knew everybody on the show.
[02:01:33]  But again, even black audiences now, when I go up, I try to avoid it because I'm like, I don't have the fucking, I don't have this in me anymore.
[02:01:42]  Where I don't have that fucking innocence, that daring kind of, I'm going to win you over shit in my brain anymore.
[02:01:51]  Now it's like, ah, fuck, either you know me or don't.
[02:01:53]  I don't know.
[02:01:55]  But I look back, like, I see cats that come to the show and I'm like, oh man, I'd love to get on.
[02:01:59]  I'm like, I put people on because I'm like, I remember being that guy.
[02:02:02]  Yeah.
[02:02:02]  And I respect you wanting to be on, even if it's not your crowd.
[02:02:06]  I want to see how you do with it.
[02:02:07]  Yeah.
[02:02:09]  You let me open for you once.
[02:02:10]  I did not do well.
[02:02:11]  That shit was definitely mediocre.
[02:02:13]  No, I wasn't new.
[02:02:14]  I wasn't new.
[02:02:15]  I just didn't do well.
[02:02:16]  It was probably 2016, 2017.
[02:02:19]  And they just stared at me like, what are you exactly?
[02:02:22]  What's going on here?
[02:02:24]  Are you just going to bring up Russell?
[02:02:26]  Because that's all I want to see.
[02:02:28]  A lot of times that happens.
[02:02:30]  I remember you laughed at one thing, though, and I was like, thank God, dude.
[02:02:33]  You laughed at one thing, and I looked at the corner of my eye and then you walked off.
[02:02:35]  I was like, thank God he's leaving, bro.
[02:02:37]  Cause this shit is.
[02:02:38]  I can feel it getting bad.
[02:02:39]  No, again, it's but with my audiences, they're not, they never walk out going, that first guy was shit.
[02:02:46]  They don't even understand because there's certain comics who have fans that are comedy fans, and then there's people that have fans that are their fans.
[02:02:55]  Right, like Sebastian, Sebastian, me, Fluffy.
[02:02:59]  Yes.
[02:02:59]  We all have our own fans.
[02:03:01]  Yes.
[02:03:01]  They may not be comedy fans.
[02:03:03]  Yours is a combination of the two.
[02:03:05]  Yeah.
[02:03:06]  I don't think I haven't even dropped into a comedy club in a while just because I'm like, ah, fucking, I don't care.
[02:03:12]  I love that.
[02:03:12]  Do you not?
[02:03:13]  Don't you want to win?
[02:03:14]  I'm scared.
[02:03:14]  I don't care.
[02:03:15]  Like, I want to go and hang out.
[02:03:16]  But at the same time, I'm like, do I want to go and hang out?
[02:03:19]  Or do I just want to go live life a little bit right now?
[02:03:22]  Yeah.
[02:03:22]  I remember you pulling up to the cellar once, and I remember like you were working, you were like pulled up, you went down there, you were like working out some stuff, and then you could tell what the audience wanted.
[02:03:31]  You're like, and you're like, all right, you gave them like one joke.
[02:03:35]  Yeah.
[02:03:36]  You're like, oh, that's what you want.
[02:03:37]  Something like that.
[02:03:38]  Now, does that frustrate you?
[02:03:40]  No, now at that time it did, but now it doesn't.
[02:03:43]  I'm like, I'm fine.
[02:03:44]  I think you hit a certain mark and you go.
[02:03:47]  You're 33 years in, kid.
[02:03:50]  Your career is older than most people.
[02:03:52]  Yeah.
[02:03:52]  You know what I mean?
[02:03:54]  So at some point, you got to go, listen, just, you look at guys like Dom Marreira.
[02:03:58]  Yeah.
[02:03:58]  Like, Dom is 70 now or 70 something, and he's still so sharp and so funny.
[02:04:04]  He called me the other day just by accident at like three in the morning.
[02:04:08]  And I happened to be awake and I answered.
[02:04:10]  And he's like, oh, so, you know, this isn't Ireland.
[02:04:12]  I thought, you know, I wouldn't call you this late at night.
[02:04:14]  I was calling Ireland.
[02:04:15]  And he goes, what the fuck are you doing awake?
[02:04:17]  So and then he just started going into joke after joke.
[02:04:21]  And him and I just get on a roll with each other.
[02:04:22]  And I'm like, and you watch him go on stage and he's just so funny every time.
[02:04:27]  And it doesn't show that he's been in the game for 45 years.
[02:04:30]  It shows that he's a seasoned veteran, but he doesn't act like, oh, I'm doing this because I have to.
[02:04:35]  That's just the way it is.
[02:04:36]  When did you reach the point where you're like, oh, okay, it doesn't matter what these losers think.
[02:04:40]  I'm very comfortable with the type of comic I am, where I am, et cetera.
[02:04:45]  It's a newfound piece.
[02:04:47]  It's a newfound piece.
[02:04:49]  There was a long time where I was like, oh, I need to be accepted by my peers.
[02:04:52]  I'm like, fuck my peers.
[02:04:53]  Yeah, that was something I used to wonder if you felt that way.
[02:04:55]  And I was like, he shouldn't.
[02:04:56]  Fucking.
[02:04:57]  I did at some point.
[02:04:58]  And then I was like, ah, fucking.
[02:04:59]  What do I give a shit?
[02:05:00]  They're not going to put any money in my pocket.
[02:05:02]  They're not going to pay any of my bills.
[02:05:03]  And if shit goes bad for me, they're not going to look out for me.
[02:05:06]  Yeah.
[02:05:06]  So fuck them all.
[02:05:07]  Yeah.
[02:05:08]  Yeah.
[02:05:09]  The back of the room is the least loyal people on earth.
[02:05:11]  You know, I did an interview in 96, 97 in a Canadian paper.
[02:05:16]  And I said that.
[02:05:17]  I said, there's a lot of comics that go on stage and make the back of the room laugh.
[02:05:20]  Yeah.
[02:05:20]  And the back of the room is just comics.
[02:05:22]  Well, the comics were never going to buy a ticket to your show.
[02:05:24]  Yes.
[02:05:25]  I said, and besides, comics are geeks anyway.
[02:05:28]  So if all you did was make the back of the room laugh, all you did was make a bunch of geeks laugh.
[02:05:31]  Yeah, 100%.
[02:05:32]  Yeah.
[02:05:33]  And we want to, right?
[02:05:34]  Because those are our peers.
[02:05:35]  Those are the people that we love and appreciate.
[02:05:37]  And that's always valuable.
[02:05:39]  But you can't give up on the comedy that you want to do to make those people laugh.
[02:05:44]  Yeah, you got to stay focused.
[02:05:47]  Yeah.
[02:05:47]  You got to do what you're going to do.
[02:05:48]  There is a way just to make the people in the back laugh.
[02:05:51]  Yeah.
[02:05:51]  And that is a skill set too.
[02:05:52]  And some people spend a disposition to get a lot of time.
[02:05:54]  It's a skill set of time.
[02:05:55]  But you're going to be renting an apartment with three other dudes for the rest of your life.
[02:05:59]  Yeah.
[02:06:00]  So if that's what you want, that's great.
[02:06:02]  Yeah.
[02:06:03]  And as a comic, we appreciate you for doing that for us.
[02:06:07]  But as a man, I'm like, I don't know how the fuck you live with yourself.
[02:06:10]  Yeah.
[02:06:12]  You guys going to have kids?
[02:06:13]  I'm ready.
[02:06:14]  I recommend don't have them.
[02:06:16]  Yeah.
[02:06:16]  Hold on.
[02:06:17]  You're going to have to talk me out of this because I'm ready whenever.
[02:06:19]  Don't fucking do it.
[02:06:20]  Why?
[02:06:20]  I love kids, though.
[02:06:22]  They're the best.
[02:06:22]  Your life will change immediately.
[02:06:24]  And I don't want to say for the better or for the worse, but it definitely will change.
[02:06:27]  No, that everything you remember about life being great will change.
[02:06:34]  But then doesn't it get better?
[02:06:35]  The thing that's the thing, the kid is greater than all of that, right?
[02:06:39]  Says who?
[02:06:41]  Well, ultimately, are they listening?
[02:06:45]  For your kids' sakes.
[02:06:46]  I love my kids.
[02:06:47]  That goes without saying.
[02:06:50]  Here's the thing.
[02:06:50]  Once you have them, you're fucked because you can't imagine life without them.
[02:06:54]  Yeah.
[02:06:55]  But that's because you love them.
[02:06:57]  Yeah.
[02:06:58]  But that's fine.
[02:06:59]  But if you don't have them and you don't know that, you're missing nothing.
[02:07:03]  Yeah, but that's marriage.
[02:07:04]  You're getting married again.
[02:07:06]  Yeah, but that's fine.
[02:07:07]  I'm 51.
[02:07:08]  She's 50.
[02:07:09]  We're good.
[02:07:09]  Like, we both are like, eh, we know what we do.
[02:07:13]  We know what we're doing.
[02:07:14]  Yeah.
[02:07:15]  But you really wouldn't have them if you could do it again?
[02:07:18]  Yeah.
[02:07:23]  Really?
[02:07:23]  Yeah.
[02:07:24]  If they said we have a time machine, it would take you back to 2009.
[02:07:28]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:07:30]  And you won't have any memories of anything after 2009.
[02:07:33]  Yeah.
[02:07:34]  I like this guy.
[02:07:34]  Put my ass in.
[02:07:35]  Really?
[02:07:36]  Yeah, but you also got a girl pregnant at the peak of your fame on accident.
[02:07:42]  When I had my daughter, it wasn't an accident.
[02:07:43]  I wanted to have a baby.
[02:07:45]  Yeah.
[02:07:45]  I was 39.
[02:07:47]  Man, that's a bad decision.
[02:07:48]  Right.
[02:07:48]  And that's why I'm telling you not to do it.
[02:07:50]  You should have waited.
[02:07:50]  But he's married now.
[02:07:51]  It doesn't matter.
[02:07:52]  It doesn't matter.
[02:07:53]  You're just doing it because you think, hey, you know, when you saw my body, you want to become an actor because you figure that's the progression of being a comedian?
[02:07:59]  You're just going to be a little bit more like that.
[02:08:01]  This is what it is.
[02:08:02]  I've had a man that's so gay, but it's so real.
[02:08:04]  All my life.
[02:08:04]  I've been like, I can't wait to be a dad.
[02:08:06]  The only reason you want kids is because you can share clothes with them.
[02:08:09]  But that has nothing to do with it.
[02:08:15]  Why don't you get the show sponsored by Build-A-Bear for a couple of shows?
[02:08:20]  I would love it.
[02:08:21]  I would love it.
[02:08:22]  We'll put your hat on top of him.
[02:08:23]  It'll be great.
[02:08:24]  Yeah, we shouldn't have kids.
[02:08:25]  Is that really what you're saying?
[02:08:26]  Yeah.
[02:08:27]  Listen, where you're at in your career right now.
[02:08:30]  Doesn't it put that battery in your back?
[02:08:32]  No, it doesn't.
[02:08:33]  It takes the steam out of your engine.
[02:08:34]  Listen.
[02:08:36]  But maybe you needed steam taken out of your engine because you were living like a rapper.
[02:08:40]  Yeah, you were calm down.

=== Private Jet Dreams and Acting (03:06) ===

[02:08:42]  I started overcompensating later.
[02:08:45]  That's what happened.
[02:08:46]  You went, I'm still good, guys.
[02:08:48]  I'm still trying to hang on.
[02:08:49]  It fucks you.
[02:08:50]  It fucks you up.
[02:08:51]  So you didn't care initially.
[02:08:53]  No, I want.
[02:08:53]  So 39, I was like, I really want a kid.
[02:08:56]  And I was dating my daughter's mother at the time, and that fucking stupid song was out.
[02:09:01]  And I kept singing it to her.
[02:09:02]  I kept going, have a baby, my baby, baby, be a millionaire.
[02:09:05]  Have a baby, my bee, baby, be a millionaire.
[02:09:07]  This bitch is a millionaire now.
[02:09:08]  Listen.
[02:09:11]  What's the most you made in a year?
[02:09:13]  I think gross, do you mean?
[02:09:14]  Yeah, gross.
[02:09:15]  And then I think it was like 25 or something like that.
[02:09:17]  25.
[02:09:18]  And then what's a net?
[02:09:19]  Seven?
[02:09:20]  Yeah, the net's about that.
[02:09:21]  If you're lucky, if you're lucky.
[02:09:22]  If you got lawyers, agents, managers, all that shit.
[02:09:25]  75%.
[02:09:25]  The IRS.
[02:09:27]  That's 50% gone.
[02:09:28]  Then you got managers, agents, accountants, lawyers.
[02:09:33]  Yeah.
[02:09:33]  And they're getting paid off the gross.
[02:09:36]  Yeah.
[02:09:37]  They're not getting paid off the 12 and a half that the government took.
[02:09:40]  Yeah, that's right.
[02:09:41]  So it all goes down from there.
[02:09:42]  So yeah, you'll end up with around seven, maybe six, seven million.
[02:09:45]  Wow.
[02:09:46]  And then if you're an idiot like I am and you're thinking, you know what, I'm going to take a private jet everywhere I want to go.
[02:09:51]  Is that how you were traveling?
[02:09:53]  Literally, I see you doing it.
[02:09:55]  I'm going, I hope they got that jet for free is what I'm thinking.
[02:09:59]  Oh, come on.
[02:10:00]  This guy's taking jets from fucking San Antonio to Lubbock.
[02:10:03]  He ain't taking no cross.
[02:10:05]  I know, but that's still about an $8,000 run.
[02:10:07]  About $10,000, but it is what it is.
[02:10:08]  No big deal.
[02:10:11]  I remember I did a movie once because the guy that was doing the movie owned a private jet company and gave me $250,000 worth of credit private.
[02:10:20]  Genius.
[02:10:21]  It's nice to fly private.
[02:10:23]  It is, but that's like four trips.
[02:10:24]  LA to New York, that's 50K.
[02:10:26]  That's your dog.
[02:10:27]  That's four trips.
[02:10:28]  That's a 480.
[02:10:29]  Put me in a lay flat.
[02:10:30]  I'm good money, bro.
[02:10:31]  Lay flats are better than a private.
[02:10:33]  I believe you also have the internet and that kind of stuff, but not dealing with TSA, not dealing with any of that, literally showing up two minutes before your flight is just awesome.
[02:10:42]  It's probably really cool.
[02:10:43]  It's a great feeling.
[02:10:43]  It's probably really cool.
[02:10:44]  It's not worth $50,000.
[02:10:45]  No, it's not.
[02:10:46]  No, it's not.
[02:10:47]  It's not worth what you're paying.
[02:10:48]  There was one time in 2012 that I almost bought a private jet.
[02:10:53]  That's like at the height of making all this money.
[02:10:55]  And I was like, I think I'm going to buy this jet.
[02:10:57]  We had one on tour, and I was like, guys, it's for sale.
[02:10:59]  They want $1.3 million for it.
[02:11:01]  I go, that's it.
[02:11:02]  And it was a beautiful jet.
[02:11:04]  It was fucking a 14-seater, and you could stand up in it straight tall.
[02:11:10]  I could do that either.
[02:11:11]  It was.
[02:11:11]  Yeah.
[02:11:11]  I mean, you know, you could stand up in a fucking mini.
[02:11:15]  Mini Cooper.
[02:11:16]  Yeah.
[02:11:16]  That's standing up straight.
[02:11:17]  That's the mini.
[02:11:17]  That's the mini.
[02:11:18]  Okay.
[02:11:18]  Yeah.
[02:11:19]  So what happened?
[02:11:19]  Ones you buy.
[02:11:21]  Uh, it was like the plane was made in like 1971 and everyone's like start asking people about planes.
[02:11:26]  Like no, don't do it kid.
[02:11:28]  Like what if I just give it to a company to charter, they can charter it out.
[02:11:31]  And he's like, you're not gonna make your money back, you're gonna.
[02:11:33]  That thing's gonna be in the shop more than it's gonna be in the air.
[02:11:36]  Oh wow, more in maintenance a year than the cost of that.
[02:11:39]  One point, yeah, absolutely fuel too.
[02:11:41]  They don't tell you about fuel fuel parking.
[02:11:44]  Yeah, where do you park that thing?
[02:11:46]  Somebody's gonna charge you to sit your jet at their airport.

=== Charter Costs and Maintenance Fees (06:19) ===

[02:11:48]  Yeah, so you're gonna go to the Nganu fight.
[02:11:50]  Yeah, who do you think is gonna win?
[02:11:51]  I really don't think Nganu's gonna win.
[02:11:53]  To be honest with you, Nganu's my boy.
[02:11:58]  Listen, I like Francis, but I I really think he's underestimating Cyril.
[02:12:03]  This is what i'll say.
[02:12:04]  Power is the great equalizer.
[02:12:06]  It is if you get hit by it.
[02:12:08]  If you get hit, and Cyril is is very skilled and you obviously see the sparring footage come up and it looks like he's getting tagged, etc.
[02:12:14]  Francis got a hell of a chin and power's a great equalizer and you're out there with.
[02:12:18]  Well, he does have a good chin, but what happened with him versus Derek Lewis?
[02:12:21]  Neither of them threw near them through and I guess we're gonna see what happens.
[02:12:27]  I mean, I you know, either way, i'm good with it.
[02:12:30]  Yeah, and who also?
[02:12:31]  Who's on the undercard?
[02:12:32]  Somebody else is good on the undercard, Devis Davison Figures.
[02:12:38]  And then the other guy is Brandon Moreno.
[02:12:39]  Oh yeah, Brandon is defending his title yeah yeah, you know who's sparring with Brandon More is a buddy of mine, Indian kid who's an MMA fighter.
[02:12:46]  I'm a fan yeah, you know.
[02:12:47]  Gary Manga Birdarshan.
[02:12:49]  No, i'm a fan.
[02:12:50]  Now, the man, The Lion he calls himself.
[02:12:52]  I'm a fan.
[02:12:53]  Oh, he follows us, I think.
[02:12:54]  Yeah yeah yeah, Gary Manga, isn't he from like Vancouver or something like that?
[02:12:58]  Oh so, he's been helping Moreo get ready for the fight, and I know this because Gary lives in my house in Vegas when he's in training camp, the most generous guy.
[02:13:09]  You hear the crazy stories.
[02:13:10]  Well listen, you got an Indian guy in the MMA world and he's like i'm like I know how that I, being in the fight world for so long, I understand you want that to come out of your pocket.
[02:13:17]  No, it's like Gary.
[02:13:18]  If you need, you can stay in my place and you could train.
[02:13:20]  There's nobody there, you'll be in solitude, which is what you need when you're in training.
[02:13:24]  You want to go train, come home and not have people barking at you.
[02:13:27]  No, but i've heard stories.
[02:13:28]  You can say what's true or what's not.
[02:13:30]  Like if a kid doesn't have like a who's opening for you, doesn't have a laptop or an iphone, you're like yo go to the Apple store, give them my name, you lace it, you take care of everything.
[02:13:37]  You know you gotta eat.
[02:13:38]  I heard a kid be like oh, that's a nice watch, and it was probably like ten thousand dollars and then you just bought it for him.
[02:13:43]  Well, that's not crazy, thank god, dog.
[02:13:46]  I was gonna be like you know, there's there's things I did and then there's things I didn't do, you know.
[02:13:51]  You know, sometimes it's better to embellish.
[02:13:53]  That's the key.
[02:13:53]  You got to do enough that people can embellish.
[02:13:55]  So I will say that the stories about you, yeah no, you're good, try.
[02:14:03]  No, he don't drink.
[02:14:04]  We never did my wedding, bro.
[02:14:06]  My dad did that to me.
[02:14:07]  That's why I never drank till I was 31.
[02:14:09]  Really, my dad made me pour him a drink and he go taste it and I go oh fuck, no.
[02:14:13]  And he's like, taste it.
[02:14:15]  And I go oh oh, how did you drink this?
[02:14:17]  He goes, oh there, you won't drink now.
[02:14:20]  I didn't drink till I was 31, worked for 30 years.
[02:14:22]  Yeah, you have good uh, you have good karma out there in the stories about you.
[02:14:25]  I will say that like I didn't realize how Indian you were until I saw clips of your wedding on his page.
[02:14:29]  Hell yeah, you were like all in.
[02:14:32]  I'm like wow, I was wow, I couldn't do that and you could have texted me.
[02:14:35]  It would have been your first Indian wedding.
[02:14:36]  I know I I was.
[02:14:37]  I was gonna ask to be invited.
[02:14:38]  To be honest with you, I swear to god, if you'd asked me to have been there, no fucking question, I feel kind of away.
[02:14:43]  There was no way in hell your wife would let him be at her wedding 100.
[02:14:48]  He's gonna be the star of the wedding.
[02:14:51]  We know what a flex that would have been the flex of all flexes for black people, having Beyoncé, not even Jay-Z Beyonce, at your wedding.
[02:15:00]  You're gonna like that.
[02:15:01]  At my wedding, my wedding coming up, Cedric the Entertainer is marrying us.
[02:15:07]  Let's go.
[02:15:08]  Sedwin got ordained online for us, and he's gonna, he's gonna, is he gonna give you a gift?
[02:15:14]  I don't know.
[02:15:15]  I think that is sometimes that.
[02:15:18]  What did you just say though?
[02:15:19]  That's what I mean.
[02:15:21]  He hasn't given me a gift.
[02:15:23]  But you're not a Jew.
[02:15:24]  Yeah.
[02:15:25]  Is she?
[02:15:27]  Technically, but no.
[02:15:29]  But I still owe him a gift.
[02:15:30]  I've just been thinking about a lot of other things.
[02:15:31]  I'm going to get him one.
[02:15:32]  He didn't get me one either.
[02:15:34]  He's got you money.
[02:15:35]  Tesla.
[02:15:35]  Yeah, it's a gift from Sed because he's famous.
[02:15:38]  You are Dove.
[02:15:41]  And you're more of a fucking pigeon because you're Moroccan.
[02:15:43]  You know what I mean?
[02:15:49]  Okay, Russell.
[02:15:52]  Andrew, Akash.
[02:15:54]  Buddy.
[02:15:54]  Before we get out of here, you guys, please promise us you'll talk to us before you make a decision on the next special.
[02:16:02]  100%.
[02:16:03]  I would love, I respect both of what you guys are doing, so I would respect your opinion on what I should do.
[02:16:10]  Yeah, let's have some combos about it.
[02:16:11]  I think there's some cool things.
[02:16:13]  And that would be really fun going back to India.
[02:16:15]  You've done India already.
[02:16:16]  I did India.
[02:16:17]  I did my last special in India.
[02:16:18]  That's right.
[02:16:19]  That was the one on Amazon.
[02:16:20]  Russell, tell them where they can find you.
[02:16:22]  Tell them all the dates.
[02:16:22]  Tell them everything.
[02:16:24]  Find me at akashing.com.
[02:16:26]  RussellPeters.com.
[02:16:28]  Get your tickets.
[02:16:29]  Go see my show dates, Instagram at RussellPeters, because I only have 488,000 followers and I cannot seem to crack 500 words.
[02:16:37]  We're going to make it happen.
[02:16:37]  I mean, like, I'm like, it's free, motherfuckers.
[02:16:39]  What are you doing?
[02:16:40]  Like, you don't even have to pay.
[02:16:41]  It's free.
[02:16:42]  Just fucking click the follow button.
[02:16:43]  You don't even have to like my shit.
[02:16:45]  Just follow you, pricks.
[02:16:47]  Yeah.
[02:16:47]  I did the same plea on Jordan Peterson.
[02:16:50]  Really?
[02:16:50]  And people will be messaging me.
[02:16:52]  I'm only following you because you asked for it on Jordan Peterson.
[02:16:54]  I don't care why, as long as you're there.
[02:16:57]  YouTube too, though.
[02:16:59]  YouTube, too.
[02:16:59]  Oh, yeah, YouTube as well on my channel.
[02:17:01]  Russell Peters channel.
[02:17:03]  I think we got 1.8 million.
[02:17:05]  There we go.
[02:17:06]  That's a good number, right?
[02:17:07]  There we go.
[02:17:08]  I got that new plaque, the million plaque.
[02:17:10]  Nice.
[02:17:10]  That's the gold one.
[02:17:10]  Isn't that the gold one?
[02:17:11]  No, yeah, the gold one.
[02:17:12]  Yeah.
[02:17:13]  The gold one, yeah.
[02:17:13]  The silver one's for $100,000.
[02:17:15]  And then the diamond.
[02:17:16]  I want the diamond.
[02:17:16]  That's the 10 million.
[02:17:17]  You got that?
[02:17:18]  Not yet.
[02:17:18]  Not yet.
[02:17:19]  That's the Jake Paul one.
[02:17:20]  Yeah, we're going to get there.
[02:17:21]  You're going to get there.
[02:17:22]  But yeah, go check out Russell, man.
[02:17:23]  Thank you so much for the money.
[02:17:24]  And the Beacon Theater this week.
[02:17:25]  Beacon Theater.
[02:17:26]  Go to theater this week, January 21th and 22th.
[02:17:30]  21th and 22th.
[02:17:31]  Following week, I'm in Virginia at Tyson's, the Capital One.
[02:17:37]  Okay.
[02:17:37]  Tyson's Capital One because it might be Virginia that they can see you.
[02:17:40]  And then Texas right after that.
[02:17:42]  And where?
[02:17:43]  At the, I'm going to his hometown Dallas.
[02:17:46]  I'm going to be in with Grand Prairie.
[02:17:48]  Yeah.
[02:17:50]  Sugarland and San Antonio and Austin.
[02:17:52]  God bless.
[02:17:52]  Sugarland near Houston.
[02:17:53]  So we got that.
[02:17:54]  Go check that out.
[02:17:55]  Man, thank you so much, bro.
[02:17:56]  We're huge fans, brother.
[02:17:57]  Thanks.
[02:17:57]  I'm huge fans of both of you.
[02:17:59]  God bless.
[02:17:59]  Thank you.
[02:18:00]  Just watching him grow as a comic.
[02:18:02]  Oh, wait till this special drops, man.
[02:18:03]  We're going to have to say that for him.
[02:18:04]  We're going to have some fun.
[02:18:05]  Plague 2.
[02:18:06]  Thank you all for listening.
[02:18:08]  Peace.