Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - The Most Flagrant Moments of 2021
Aired: 2021-12-28
Duration: 03:13:12


=== Surfing the Farm Bill Waves (14:28) ===

[00:00:08]  Yo, five seconds to get up.
[00:00:09]  Five, four, three, two.
[00:00:26]  So basically, to let everybody know, Akash has been telling us about this farm situation that's going on in India.
[00:00:33]  Farmers apparently are, you know, there's a new bill that's getting passed that's going to, I guess, you know, decrease wages even further, potentially.
[00:00:40]  Word, R.I.P. to the farmers.
[00:00:41]  R.I.P. to the farmers.
[00:00:42]  I'm sure there's, I'm sure there's two sides to every story.
[00:00:45]  You know, Mr. Two Sides to Every Story.
[00:00:47]  Mark coming in.
[00:00:49]  You know, when we were talking about this before the podcast, Mr. Two Sides of the Story, Mark comes in.
[00:00:54]  He goes, do you even know what they farm?
[00:00:58]  Which is the really reasonable thing.
[00:01:00]  I'm pretty sure whenever they're farming, we can support them.
[00:01:03]  It's going to be a bad thing.
[00:01:05]  What could they possibly be farming?
[00:01:06]  Soy?
[00:01:08]  Whoa, dude.
[00:01:10]  I'd be okay with that.
[00:01:12]  I'd like a little soy.
[00:01:13]  Come on, soy sauce where I'm supposed to dip my hands on the body.
[00:01:16]  You ain't never had no edamame.
[00:01:17]  It gives you titties.
[00:01:19]  I'll tell you what gives you titties.
[00:01:20]  Work on a Netflix for three months.
[00:01:24]  Your boy was looking like a beluga on the beach, bro.
[00:01:27]  I posted one picture of my girl who's been working out for the last three months and me next to each other on the beach from a distance because the close-up would have been too crazy.
[00:01:36]  And I looked fucking horrendous, dude.
[00:01:39]  My body went to shit.
[00:01:42]  First of all, you 37.
[00:01:43]  Second of all, this shit don't come back.
[00:01:45]  I used to take two shits out of a six-pack again.
[00:01:47]  Now, bro, it is bad news for me.
[00:01:50]  Your boy is sloppy.
[00:01:51]  Hey, bro, I started in bad shape.
[00:01:53]  I'm coasting now.
[00:01:54]  Yo, that's not.
[00:01:54]  You're catching up to me.
[00:01:56]  You started fat.
[00:01:58]  Yeah.
[00:01:58]  So anything not fat is a win.
[00:02:01]  I'm winning.
[00:02:02]  Yo, I'm beating genetics.
[00:02:03]  You like the Browns.
[00:02:05]  I am the Browns.
[00:02:06]  We made this playoff, y'all.
[00:02:09]  Motherfucker doesn't gain weight over Thanksgiving.
[00:02:11]  He's like, wait, I'm the Browns.
[00:02:14]  That's perfect.
[00:02:16]  All right, before we catch up, I want to catch up with everybody.
[00:02:18]  I do have to tell y'all a funny, not a funny story, a fucked up story.
[00:02:24]  Okay.
[00:02:24]  Because I didn't tell you guys this when I was on vacation because I didn't want to, you know, rattle you guys.
[00:02:32]  But real talk.
[00:02:37]  I'm lucky to be here right now.
[00:02:39]  Really?
[00:02:40]  I almost drowned in Hawaii.
[00:02:43]  100%.
[00:02:45]  I thought this was like a hit on you or something.
[00:02:47]  No, son.
[00:02:47]  I almost drowned, bro.
[00:02:49]  The water, bro.
[00:02:51]  I was in the water.
[00:02:53]  I don't know if that's where you drowned.
[00:02:54]  The ocean.
[00:02:55]  Mid the ocean.
[00:02:56]  I'm in Lanai, Hawaii, right?
[00:02:58]  Small island, Hawaii.
[00:02:59]  Remember, I told you I was the one island that doesn't have surf, right?
[00:03:03]  Yeah.
[00:03:03]  And I was like, fuck, how I picked the vacation on the one place that doesn't have surf.
[00:03:06]  I love surfing, right?
[00:03:07]  I mean, I love surfing so much.
[00:03:08]  I went to the fucking this surf park in Waco, Texas, instead of seeing Chappelle and Joe Rogan perform.
[00:03:16]  I drove two hours to go surf at Waco's a wild place.
[00:03:18]  Waco, Texas.
[00:03:19]  That's where the cult was or something.
[00:03:20]  That's where the Colt was, yeah.
[00:03:22]  Bailing meat raping everybody.
[00:03:23]  Son, but outside of that part of it, this surf pool is absolutely amazing.
[00:03:27]  I got to surf with these guys that are incredible.
[00:03:29]  And they were amazing, bro.
[00:03:33]  Outside of the Colt?
[00:03:34]  Outside of the Colt and like the shooting and whatever happened there, the BSR surf camp, bro.
[00:03:38]  You guys got to go.
[00:03:39]  That shit is absolutely amazing.
[00:03:40]  Perfect swell.
[00:03:40]  Thank y'all so much for having me.
[00:03:42]  It was unbelievable.
[00:03:45]  At Lanai, okay?
[00:03:46]  I go surf the first day.
[00:03:48]  Historic waves.
[00:03:49]  They'll never get waves like this.
[00:03:50]  Nobody, nobody, they've never seen waves like this.
[00:03:53]  Right.
[00:03:53]  For years.
[00:03:55]  You go look on YouTube right now, surf in Lanai.
[00:03:58]  The videos are from 2012, 2013.
[00:04:00]  There's no way they've never seen it.
[00:04:02]  It's like five years ago when that was.
[00:04:05]  Five years ago.
[00:04:06]  This is two sides of every story.
[00:04:08]  Five years a lot for Hawaii to go in that wave.
[00:04:11]  We're not talking about like when it snows in Florida.
[00:04:13]  We're talking about the surf capital of the world.
[00:04:15]  Okay, so I'm there, right?
[00:04:17]  I surf the first day.
[00:04:18]  I get aboard.
[00:04:19]  Somehow, I finagle aboard.
[00:04:20]  Just to let you guys know, everything was stopping me from surfing there.
[00:04:23]  I called the hotel in advance.
[00:04:24]  I was like, hey, can I surf there?
[00:04:25]  They're like, no, it's illegal to bring a board into the ocean.
[00:04:28]  It's a marine wildlife preserve and we don't allow surfing.
[00:04:31]  I go, that's weird.
[00:04:32]  I started asking different people on the island, how do I get aboard?
[00:04:34]  Finally, I find a way to get aboard.
[00:04:36]  Board meets me at the hotel.
[00:04:39]  Hang out with my girl.
[00:04:40]  I can't ditch her the second I get to the island.
[00:04:43]  So we fake go to the pool for a minute.
[00:04:45]  You know what I mean?
[00:04:46]  30 minutes.
[00:04:47]  We get the fill in.
[00:04:49]  I go take the board in.
[00:04:50]  I surf.
[00:04:51]  This wave, it's the softest, easiest wave in the world after the takeoff.
[00:04:56]  The takeoff is right over reef and rocks.
[00:04:59]  So once you get up, you're good and it's the easiest ride.
[00:05:02]  But getting up, you're right on, you see the coral heads bubbling in front of you as you're paddling into the wave.
[00:05:08]  First day, surf.
[00:05:10]  The way you're talking to me is the way you probably felt when I was talking about the India Farmer thing.
[00:05:15]  You're just like, I knew everything I said.
[00:05:17]  I knew absolutely everything about it.
[00:05:18]  And those are my people.
[00:05:21]  When are you coming to Hawaii?
[00:05:22]  When the waves start fucking with the farmers.
[00:05:24]  That's it, bro.
[00:05:25]  I'm coming to you, Indiana.
[00:05:27]  Once we start treating farmers with respect.
[00:05:30]  Okay.
[00:05:31]  What do they farm out there?
[00:05:34]  Yeah.
[00:05:34]  That's what I'm talking about.
[00:05:36]  You're going to take them iPads, let you farm over China.
[00:05:43]  But anyway, so first day, surf, fine, I survived.
[00:05:47]  Second day, surf.
[00:05:48]  Fine, I survived.
[00:05:49]  Yeah.
[00:05:50]  I've started to have this weird fear.
[00:05:52]  Yeah.
[00:05:53]  And I think this fear is somewhat a function of like, there's almost like a function of like guilt in success where I'm going to, am I biting off too much?
[00:06:04]  Right.
[00:06:04]  Like, I took a small plane to get to the Lanai thing.
[00:06:08]  And I'm like, am I asking for too much?
[00:06:09]  Is God going to smite me because I couldn't just stay in Hawaii?
[00:06:13]  You say small, you mean private?
[00:06:14]  I did take private camp.
[00:06:16]  Oh, my God.
[00:06:16]  It is what it is.
[00:06:18]  Why are you trying to unflex for us, bro?
[00:06:19]  I'm just because it said this didn't even make sense.
[00:06:21]  He's like, I took a shitty plane.
[00:06:22]  I was like, am I doing too much?
[00:06:24]  I took it to a plane.
[00:06:24]  It wasn't completely private.
[00:06:25]  There was someone else staying at the resort that I was really bummed about, but it is what it is.
[00:06:29]  And the resort provides it.
[00:06:29]  I didn't have to pay for anything at all, but I made it look like that was a Graham.
[00:06:32]  You know what I mean?
[00:06:33]  Shout out to the farmers.
[00:06:36]  I make shit look like I know what I'm talking about.
[00:06:39]  So it was the shuttle plane too.
[00:06:41]  It was a shuttle, son.
[00:06:42]  It was a shuttle, son.
[00:06:43]  It was a shuttle.
[00:06:45]  I hit you in a hotel.
[00:06:47]  I'm like, this is just a shuttle.
[00:06:50]  I thought you look fucking.
[00:06:51]  You look fly, though.
[00:06:53]  I saw you look fly.
[00:06:54]  What kind of resort got you?
[00:06:57]  This ain't no Hilton.
[00:06:58]  I made the other people on the flame plane stay out the picture.
[00:07:00]  Yeah.
[00:07:01]  I was trying to go on the plane.
[00:07:02]  I was like, hold on, let me flex.
[00:07:05]  Let me flex.
[00:07:06]  And God was like, oh, where?
[00:07:07]  You go surf?
[00:07:08]  We'll go see about that.
[00:07:09]  So third day, I go in the water.
[00:07:11]  And I'm starting.
[00:07:12]  I've had this feeling a couple times even on the trip.
[00:07:14]  Like, we were on a cliff and I was looking over the cliff and I'm like, yo, do you, should you chill out a little bit?
[00:07:19]  Like, why are you pushing it?
[00:07:20]  Like, you've been given so much.
[00:07:21]  Like, God or the universe, whatever it is, has been so great to you.
[00:07:25]  Why do you need to go extra?
[00:07:26]  What are you doing?
[00:07:27]  Like, is that disrespectful?
[00:07:28]  I don't know why I'm having these feelings.
[00:07:29]  You do this all the time.
[00:07:30]  But lately, it's been happening a lot.
[00:07:32]  No, I get it.
[00:07:32]  Right?
[00:07:33]  Does that make sense?
[00:07:33]  A little bit.
[00:07:34]  Bro, throughout the whole, like, the last, all these months, anytime some bad shit would happen, you would just look at the ground, like, kick some shit on the ground, go, what does it mean?
[00:07:42]  Yeah, like, what does it mean?
[00:07:44]  What's the meaning of all this?
[00:07:46]  I was like, what do you mean?
[00:07:46]  Like, I don't have a book, Mark.
[00:07:48]  Okay.
[00:07:49]  I'm still searching for the book.
[00:07:50]  Some bad shit happens.
[00:07:51]  Ah, what's the point?
[00:07:52]  Yeah.
[00:07:53]  They don't talk about private planes and Caribbeans.
[00:07:56]  Okay.
[00:07:56]  I still can't figure it all out.
[00:07:59]  Okay.
[00:08:00]  So third day.
[00:08:01]  That's that white bullshit, man.
[00:08:03]  Al, third day, we go back in the water, right?
[00:08:06]  Yeah.
[00:08:06]  This is historic surf.
[00:08:08]  But here's the amazing thing.
[00:08:10]  People are so unprepared for surf on the island.
[00:08:12]  It's not a big surf island.
[00:08:13]  I'm surfing historic Hawaiian surf.
[00:08:15]  Alone.
[00:08:15]  Five people tops.
[00:08:16]  So what I was doing was I was waiting for the locals.
[00:08:18]  Shouts to the locals that were able there took me out.
[00:08:21]  Ben, Brian, they were great.
[00:08:23]  I would watch them.
[00:08:24]  They were on the takeoff spot and I would stay a little bit to the right away from the rocks.
[00:08:28]  So I was like, they really know how to take off in a crazy spot.
[00:08:30]  If I'm a little away from them, I'll be safe.
[00:08:32]  Takeoff is what?
[00:08:32]  Do you start the surf?
[00:08:33]  Exactly.
[00:08:34]  Yeah.
[00:08:34]  When you paddle into the wave.
[00:08:35]  Okay.
[00:08:35]  Right.
[00:08:36]  So I go, the third day, it's literally one person out and me.
[00:08:41]  And the other guy's a tourist as well.
[00:08:42]  He's at the hotel.
[00:08:43]  So neither of us know where the takeoff spot is.
[00:08:46]  So we're just guessing.
[00:08:47]  A huge set comes in.
[00:08:49]  Right.
[00:08:51]  I go to paddle for the wave.
[00:08:53]  I pop up.
[00:08:54]  I get to my feet.
[00:08:55]  The board's a little wobbly.
[00:08:56]  The wave really jacks up and I fall.
[00:08:58]  And since I know the rocks are beneath me, I pancake.
[00:09:01]  Instead of going straight in, I go out as much as I can.
[00:09:04]  I start tumbling.
[00:09:05]  Everything's fine.
[00:09:05]  Right.
[00:09:07]  The wave washes me around.
[00:09:09]  I paddle up to the surface.
[00:09:10]  As my hands breach the surface, I blow out my air.
[00:09:14]  Natural reaction, right?
[00:09:16]  You know you're about to breach because your hands are above the water.
[00:09:19]  I blow out my air and then I stop.
[00:09:22]  What the fuck?
[00:09:23]  I paddle again.
[00:09:24]  I stop.
[00:09:25]  My leash will not let me go.
[00:09:27]  The leash had wrapped around the coral and the board had me locked under the water.
[00:09:33]  I'm paddling.
[00:09:34]  I'm fucking kicking.
[00:09:36]  I'm kicking.
[00:09:37]  You saw my foot was all black and blue.
[00:09:38]  I posted that picture.
[00:09:39]  I'm kicking the reef.
[00:09:39]  The reef is scraping up the bottom of my feet.
[00:09:42]  I'm literally in that moment going, holy shit.
[00:09:45]  Is this, is this it?
[00:09:47]  Yeah.
[00:09:47]  Keep in mind, I blew out the air.
[00:09:49]  Yeah, you're oxygenless.
[00:09:52]  I take a breath because I have no more air left of water.
[00:09:57]  I thought that's when you die.
[00:09:59]  I thought it's you take the breath of water and then you're dead.
[00:10:03]  I swear to God, in this moment, I went from panic to like game time.
[00:10:10]  And everything calmed down and it got pinpoint.
[00:10:14]  There was one thing that I had to do and focus on.
[00:10:17]  And I remember when I was surfing in Waco, one of the guys there, all this is happening in like a fraction of a second.
[00:10:22]  This guy, Eric Geiselman, shout to him, said once he was surfing in Tahiti, he got slammed and his board got wrapped around the coral.
[00:10:30]  And he tried to grab his leash by bending at the waist down to get it, but he couldn't.
[00:10:34]  So what he did is he bent his knees up to him to grab the leash.
[00:10:39]  Like for whatever reason, it was easier or stronger.
[00:10:41]  Oh, that's the part I was missing.
[00:10:42]  You couldn't.
[00:10:42]  I was like, why can't you just, I thought you were just trying to kick the board for you.
[00:10:45]  No, I was trying to just get up.
[00:10:46]  I didn't even realize it was there.
[00:10:47]  You can't even bent down to take the leash off.
[00:10:49]  Exactly, right?
[00:10:50]  Why?
[00:10:50]  Why can you that?
[00:10:52]  At first, I didn't know.
[00:10:53]  I just heard it tug.
[00:10:55]  I felt it tug.
[00:10:56]  And then in that moment, I was like, oh, fuck.
[00:10:59]  So I'm about to go, how do I get this leash off?
[00:11:02]  And then I remembered the story he was telling me where he bent the legs up.
[00:11:05]  And in that moment, nowhere, I just breathe water.
[00:11:08]  Everything gets pinpointed.
[00:11:10]  Like, there's one thing.
[00:11:11]  It's game time.
[00:11:12]  That's the only way I can describe it.
[00:11:13]  Like, it was weirdly the most terrifying and empowering thing that's ever happened in my life.
[00:11:17]  Like when your life's about to turn off, that in that moment, you actually have some calm to get it done.
[00:11:26]  Like you have a couple more seconds to like get yourself out of this predicament.
[00:11:29]  And I remember I bent my legs up and as I bent my legs up, I grabbed the leash.
[00:11:35]  The leash and the board pop up and I breached the surface.
[00:11:40]  Bro, terrifying.
[00:11:42]  That's wild.
[00:11:43]  Terrifying.
[00:11:44]  And what do you do after that?
[00:11:44]  You just float on in.
[00:11:46]  I went back out.
[00:11:47]  Desert more?
[00:11:48]  Yeah.
[00:11:50]  Because if I didn't go back out, I'd have a fear for the rest of my life.
[00:11:53]  So I went back out, bleeding out of my foot, and I got like, you know, a few more waves, and then I went back in.
[00:12:01]  That was so funny.
[00:12:02]  It's just like he's telling me the story, and I just, it's just in my head.
[00:12:05]  White people shit.
[00:12:06]  Why is this shit?
[00:12:08]  Like, the moment you saw the reef and the dangerousness, like, go surfing another time.
[00:12:14]  No, no, no, no.
[00:12:15]  I haven't had waves like this in years.
[00:12:16]  Stupid.
[00:12:17]  I haven't had waves like this in years.
[00:12:19]  It was historic.
[00:12:19]  It's been a half a decade.
[00:12:21]  I'm glad you're here because I can't.
[00:12:22]  Look on YouTube.
[00:12:23]  Look on YouTube now.
[00:12:24]  Because if you weren't here, I couldn't say it verbally, but I was dumb.
[00:12:28]  I was stupid for it.
[00:12:30]  Why was that dumb for chasing my dream?
[00:12:34]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:12:35]  Like, all these farmers.
[00:12:36]  I didn't have that many dreams.
[00:12:37]  These farmers wanted to farm, bro.
[00:12:40]  That's all they want is to farm and make a living.
[00:12:42]  All I want to do is surf.
[00:12:43]  You don't make no living surfing?
[00:12:45]  You don't make no living surfing.
[00:12:46]  That's true.
[00:12:47]  You can't have that many dreams.
[00:12:48]  I make almost as much as they do.
[00:12:50]  I'm going to be honest.
[00:12:50]  Honestly, the amount of money a farmer makes in India, I probably make a bias.
[00:12:54]  No, that's why you need some minimum support surf prices.
[00:12:57]  Come on, Modi.
[00:12:59]  Is that his name?
[00:13:02]  Yo, your boy had to get that wiki on, bro.
[00:13:06]  I had to get that wiki.
[00:13:08]  I'm dying.
[00:13:13]  I'm glad you hear me.
[00:13:14]  Me too.
[00:13:15]  You know, I'm going to be honest at the beginning of that story.
[00:13:17]  He said, You almost drowned.
[00:13:18]  I was like, everybody almost drowned at some point.
[00:13:20]  No, no, no.
[00:13:20]  But that shit was real.
[00:13:21]  When I breathed in the water, that shit was crazy.
[00:13:23]  Yeah, that was a crazy ass feeling, bro.
[00:13:25]  And then you're just stuck down there.
[00:13:26]  That's when I was like, oh shit, the board is just holding you down.
[00:13:28]  I pull up like this and I go to take the breath because I'm just timing.
[00:13:32]  I'm not assuming my leg is caught.
[00:13:34]  And as I blow the air out, and as I go to take the breath in, I'm still under the water.
[00:13:39]  I go, I go, oh, shit.
[00:13:41]  So, how many breaths do you think you get?
[00:13:42]  One more.
[00:13:43]  You only get one water breath.
[00:13:44]  I don't know.
[00:13:45]  Maybe some people get zero.
[00:13:46]  I must have had a little bit more oxygen in my lungs or else I'd be dead.
[00:13:50]  But I mean, that was crazy.
[00:13:52]  I didn't take the water breath like underwater now.
[00:13:55]  You're swallowing water.
[00:13:56]  That's a water breath.
[00:13:58]  That's what happens, bro.
[00:13:59]  But I mean, you call it a water breath.
[00:14:00]  It's called that.
[00:14:01]  Yeah, it's a physical thing.
[00:14:02]  Why do you just say, yo, I swallowed water?
[00:14:04]  No, it's more.
[00:14:05]  Why do they just pay the farmers more?
[00:14:06]  There's a lot of questions you can just ask, bro.
[00:14:08]  Why are you asking dumb questions, bro?
[00:14:11]  Water breath.
[00:14:12]  You just do it, yo.
[00:14:13]  That's the point.
[00:14:14]  Just do it.
[00:14:15]  So when you drink your coffee, you take a coffee breath.
[00:14:19]  Are you doing it?
[00:14:19]  That's drinking coffee.
[00:14:21]  That's drinking.
[00:14:22]  It's different, bro.
[00:14:23]  Yeah, you did that.
[00:14:24]  He wasn't trying to drink his way out of the ocean.
[00:14:26]  I thought about declining for that, but you can breathe through your nose no matter how much you drink.
[00:14:29]  Yo, I did try to do this.
[00:14:30]  I did try to tilt my nose up until I could reach the surface with my nose just like a dorsal periscope.

=== Almost Drowning in Happiness (03:39) ===

[00:14:36]  Is that like a bunch of stuff?
[00:14:42]  Just one more deep breath.
[00:14:43]  Yo, maybe that's how I did it.
[00:14:44]  Oh, you missed it.
[00:14:45]  But you're gonna try to go snorkeling or they're just like, they hand you the goggles and they're like, yeah, you're good on this.
[00:14:49]  That's really fucked up.
[00:14:50]  That's really fucked up.
[00:14:52]  I did go snorkeling, though.
[00:14:53]  That shit is not hard.
[00:14:54]  She was hard, dude.
[00:14:55]  I tried that shit.
[00:14:56]  That's so hard, bro.
[00:14:57]  I tried that shit.
[00:14:58]  So hard?
[00:14:58]  So hard.
[00:14:59]  How do you know that the water ain't gonna get into the hole?
[00:15:01]  I think you gotta do like a tour.
[00:15:03]  I just tried to go out there.
[00:15:04]  I can't really swim that well.
[00:15:05]  Yeah.
[00:15:06]  I ain't see nothing, bro.
[00:15:07]  And I didn't get a floaties or no shit.
[00:15:09]  I got no floaties, dog.
[00:15:10]  No, I guess, bro.
[00:15:12]  What the fuck is wrong?
[00:15:13]  What are you talking about?
[00:15:14]  Oh, now you do white people shit.
[00:15:15]  Yeah, you just.
[00:15:17]  Snorkeling.
[00:15:18]  Nah, black people could do snorkeling.
[00:15:20]  Cause you wear the fucking life vest.
[00:15:22]  No, we didn't.
[00:15:22]  I didn't have one.
[00:15:23]  They just handed me goggles like gold.
[00:15:25]  You're an idiot.
[00:15:27]  You're an idiot.
[00:15:28]  There you go doing that type of shit.
[00:15:30]  You're supposed to float right on the top.
[00:15:34]  They didn't hand me no life jacket.
[00:15:35]  I was like, am I tripping?
[00:15:36]  I got nothing.
[00:15:37]  You got to do a tour for that kind of thing.
[00:15:39]  Yo.
[00:15:39]  Anyway, man, shouts to the hotel, man.
[00:15:43]  Because y'all tried the farmers.
[00:15:45]  And the farmers, but the hotel did try to protect me.
[00:15:48]  They were right when they didn't want me.
[00:15:50]  What's up, everybody?
[00:15:51]  We're moving.
[00:15:54]  Now, we decided to have this conversation on the podcast because there's so many layers of hilarity to this.
[00:16:02]  But where does it all begin?
[00:16:05]  Okay, I'm depressed.
[00:16:08]  Oh, that makes me so happy to know that.
[00:16:10]  That makes me so happy.
[00:16:12]  I am.
[00:16:12]  Are you?
[00:16:13]  No.
[00:16:14]  I wasn't until I got a text from you.
[00:16:17]  He's way happier.
[00:16:18]  You're both depressed.
[00:16:19]  Now that he knows you're depressed, he's way happier.
[00:16:21]  Hey, Andrew, take you up with him, but he's also going to take you down with him.
[00:16:24]  We're going down with this shit, baby.
[00:16:29]  Hold on, Grace.
[00:16:30]  What's her name?
[00:16:32]  Titanium.
[00:16:33]  Rose.
[00:16:33]  Rose?
[00:16:34]  Whatever, dude.
[00:16:35]  It should have been Grace.
[00:16:36]  Fucking name is Rose.
[00:16:37]  Stupid.
[00:16:38]  You know what I mean?
[00:16:39]  Anyway, so, yeah.
[00:16:43]  You know, let's, hey, let's, let's see it happen like this.
[00:16:49]  You know what I mean?
[00:16:50]  We out of here.
[00:16:51]  We're moving.
[00:16:52]  We're moving.
[00:16:52]  All right.
[00:16:53]  Okay.
[00:16:53]  Okay.
[00:16:54]  Let me lay out the timeline of events.
[00:16:55]  Okay.
[00:16:55]  Timeline of events.
[00:16:57]  We have this.
[00:16:57]  We work our asses off on Netflix.
[00:16:59]  We have this amazing reception to the Netflix special.
[00:17:02]  Everything's awesome.
[00:17:03]  I go to Hawaii.
[00:17:05]  I go on this amazing vacation.
[00:17:07]  Everything's great.
[00:17:08]  I know the depression is going to come.
[00:17:10]  Oh, you're aware of it.
[00:17:12]  Oh, yeah.
[00:17:12]  Every time there's like, you have this like, you know, monumental achievement in your life.
[00:17:18]  It could be you're in high school and you're, you know, training for the marathon or something like that or a race.
[00:17:21]  And then you finally win the race afterwards.
[00:17:23]  You're like, yeah, down for a little bit.
[00:17:24]  You know, just part of it.
[00:17:25]  There's ups and downs.
[00:17:26]  You're like, your happiness, all the happiness you're feeling in that moment, it's almost like drugs, right?
[00:17:32]  It's like taking like a lease on that happiness for, you know, from tomorrow or whatever.
[00:17:37]  So I gobbled up all that happiness and now I got to pay to Piper and that's fine.
[00:17:41]  Is what it is.
[00:17:42]  Doing my best.
[00:17:43]  You know, my girl said that we had a whole conversation.
[00:17:46]  I was asking her about like real deep stuff that happened to her and like her family, her life.
[00:17:50]  And she said, I've never seen anybody less expressionless during a traumatic conversation than you.
[00:17:58]  Less expressionless.
[00:17:59]  Just like this.
[00:18:00]  Word, that horrible thing happened.
[00:18:02]  He's like, oh, gosh, when you said you'd almost drown?
[00:18:04]  He's like, whoa, whoa.
[00:18:05]  That's wild.
[00:18:07]  I was like, everybody almost drowned.
[00:18:09]  My fucker almost drowned.
[00:18:10]  Let's see what this story is about.
[00:18:11]  And when he said it, I was like, son, you almost drowned.
[00:18:15]  You said that's wild, bro.

=== Trading Soul for Storm Survival (10:49) ===

[00:18:16]  No, the first time.
[00:18:17]  He didn't care.
[00:18:17]  Yeah, I didn't give a fuck.
[00:18:19]  Yeah, Schultz almost died.
[00:18:22]  Don't that sound like some shit he would say on the way here?
[00:18:25]  Yo, I almost died.
[00:18:26]  Fucking truck honked its horn at me.
[00:18:29]  So, that's a good ass point.
[00:18:32]  That's why I was like, that's wild.
[00:18:34]  Let's hear the story before I give him emotion.
[00:18:37]  And afterward, I was like, this motherfucker really almost died.
[00:18:39]  And then you had no emotion to give.
[00:18:41]  Yeah.
[00:18:41]  I was out, bro.
[00:18:42]  I was out.
[00:18:44]  After this week, I'm so happy.
[00:18:46]  I'm so happy I gave you nothing.
[00:18:48]  I wish I did pay for the gift so I could return it.
[00:18:51]  He didn't.
[00:18:52]  Yo, you know what's funny?
[00:18:53]  What was he just saying about gifts in Indian culture?
[00:18:56]  Oh, yeah.
[00:18:56]  So he was saying that when you give gifts to someone in money, you don't give them, you only give them an odd values.
[00:19:02]  Ah, is zero odd in India?
[00:19:06]  I think if you had to guess, it would be odd.
[00:19:08]  That's convenient.
[00:19:09]  Just making sure you're being consistent.
[00:19:11]  Okay, man.
[00:19:12]  I am who I am.
[00:19:13]  Fuck.
[00:19:14]  Okay.
[00:19:14]  So look.
[00:19:17]  I went out to dinner.
[00:19:18]  What?
[00:19:19]  How do you give socks?
[00:19:20]  Socks?
[00:19:21]  I think it's monetary value.
[00:19:22]  I don't think you give someone three socks if that's what you're saying.
[00:19:25]  All right.
[00:19:25]  Just making sure you go.
[00:19:27]  How about any gift?
[00:19:29]  You're hoping to be odd.
[00:19:30]  Hold on.
[00:19:31]  Grabbing twins.
[00:19:32]  We got to abort this motherfucker.
[00:19:34]  We're not having even-value kids out here.
[00:19:38]  That's why they add the third eye.
[00:19:41]  Maybe that's why they wear sandals.
[00:19:42]  Oh.
[00:19:43]  You could be right.
[00:19:45]  Yeah.
[00:19:45]  You can't possibly give socks.
[00:19:47]  That's a good ass point.
[00:19:49]  Whoa, we figured it out.
[00:19:51]  How do you give Sanda?
[00:19:52]  That's why all other kids are born with extra limbs and shit.
[00:19:56]  Oh my lord.
[00:19:57]  That's why I got one pair of jeans.
[00:19:59]  Yeah, 100%.
[00:20:01]  Oh, he's up to three now.
[00:20:03]  He went through for one to three.
[00:20:04]  Are you going to let him just tear you apart like this when we're moving?
[00:20:07]  Why would I get four pairs of jeans, guys?
[00:20:09]  He's right.
[00:20:10]  But how you and let him talk shit when we obviously.
[00:20:12]  Because he's going through it too.
[00:20:14]  I'm not going through it with me.
[00:20:16]  I'm nervous.
[00:20:17]  I'm nervous.
[00:20:18]  No, I saw Cindy sent me moving.
[00:20:20]  I saw Al's eyes.
[00:20:21]  I'm just normalizing it.
[00:20:22]  I'm just slowly throwing it in just a little bit.
[00:20:25]  I'm like Trump storming the Capitol.
[00:20:27]  I'm like, we have to make a power move.
[00:20:29]  Okay, New York is shut down.
[00:20:30]  There's nothing we can do.
[00:20:32]  We have to be powerful.
[00:20:33]  We have to show strength.
[00:20:34]  We're going to demonstrate on the beaches of Miami.
[00:20:40]  We out of here.
[00:20:43]  Okay.
[00:20:44]  Finish your stupid fucking story, you fucking piece of shit, loser.
[00:20:48]  So we go.
[00:20:49]  I go out to dinner, right?
[00:20:50]  First of all, you can't find any place out of dinner.
[00:20:51]  It's barbarians.
[00:20:52]  Oh, my God.
[00:20:52]  It's barbarians.
[00:20:53]  People are, it's barbaric.
[00:20:55]  They're barbarians.
[00:20:56]  Bro, I was biking.
[00:20:57]  I'm biking on my motorcycle, right?
[00:21:00]  My Huck motorcycle, this electric and got pedals, but it's a motorcycle.
[00:21:04]  Okay, it's fire as fuck.
[00:21:05]  On first and second gear.
[00:21:06]  I don't even fuck with the third gear.
[00:21:07]  This shit is way too quick.
[00:21:08]  Turbo?
[00:21:09]  That turbo is crazy.
[00:21:10]  You don't want to burn the streets?
[00:21:12]  When I release the gov, if I got to pass somebody and I hit that no governor button, the s the city makes you repave the roads that you fucking tear up.
[00:21:20]  It's like torn up, bro.
[00:21:22]  Torn up.
[00:21:23]  It's like gone in 60 seconds where he hits the nitro?
[00:21:25]  Nitro out.
[00:21:26]  We out of here.
[00:21:26]  Eleanor.
[00:21:27]  I call her Eleanor.
[00:21:28]  I call her Eleanor, bro.
[00:21:30]  That's what it is.
[00:21:30]  It's that GT Cobra.
[00:21:32]  Okay, that's Shelby.
[00:21:34]  That's four birds for Rari.
[00:21:36]  That's my huck's like.
[00:21:36]  He got that Nas on it.
[00:21:38]  I do have it, bro.
[00:21:39]  You see the Schnaz?
[00:21:40]  I got the Schnaz.
[00:21:46]  Ready?
[00:21:47]  Just pile on while I'm fucking suicidal.
[00:21:51]  That's wild.
[00:21:55]  Killing yourself, bro.
[00:21:56]  Bro, we're having too much fun.
[00:21:57]  Maybe we should stay.
[00:22:01]  Okay, so we're riding around.
[00:22:02]  I'm seeing people that are eating out in the cold.
[00:22:04]  It's 30 degrees.
[00:22:06]  Yeah.
[00:22:06]  This was during the day.
[00:22:07]  We were just riding around seeing, like, where are people eating breakfast?
[00:22:09]  Like, what's going on?
[00:22:10]  They're eating out in the cold.
[00:22:11]  People are getting soup.
[00:22:12]  Their soup is getting cold on the way.
[00:22:14]  Not the spot, right?
[00:22:15]  They're actually eating like hot soup, tortilla soup.
[00:22:18]  It's getting cold on the way to the table.
[00:22:20]  They're sitting out there freezing, right?
[00:22:22]  I'm like, what the fuck?
[00:22:23]  This is barbaric.
[00:22:24]  Go home.
[00:22:24]  I'm literally just telling people, go home while I'm on the bike because I can go.
[00:22:27]  This is Saturday, right?
[00:22:28]  This is Saturday, right?
[00:22:29]  We decided to go out to dinner and I'm asking my boy Laurent, who got all these connects.
[00:22:33]  He's got like this concierge service, you know.
[00:22:35]  Shout out to Laurent.
[00:22:36]  I should remember the name of your service so I can promote it, but I'm going to figure that out.
[00:22:40]  Check out Baud Group.
[00:22:42]  D-A-U-D group.
[00:22:44]  That's my boy Laurent.
[00:22:45]  So, and he usually can do a connect.
[00:22:48]  I'm like, where can we eat outside?
[00:22:50]  And like, everything was booked.
[00:22:52]  They had like a decent outside.
[00:22:54]  We ended up going to La Esquina.
[00:22:56]  You know, that Mexican spot?
[00:22:56]  La Eskina, maybe we went?
[00:22:57]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:22:58]  We went there back in the day.
[00:23:00]  They did their best, but you're still freezing.
[00:23:04]  You're eating like 40, 50 degrees, right?
[00:23:06]  They got a little fucking heat lamp on top of you like you're a lizard and you're just sitting there freezing your fucking ass off eating tacos.
[00:23:12]  I'm like, what is going on?
[00:23:14]  I'm like, the no indoor dining.
[00:23:16]  To anybody's listening, there's no indoor dining in New York, right?
[00:23:19]  It stole the soul of the city.
[00:23:21]  Yeah.
[00:23:21]  Especially in the winter.
[00:23:22]  In the summer, we're fine.
[00:23:24]  In the fall, we're fine.
[00:23:25]  In the spring, we're fine.
[00:23:26]  You can walk around.
[00:23:27]  You can go to parks.
[00:23:27]  You can do things.
[00:23:28]  New York, when it gets cold, Coles, is uninhabitable.
[00:23:33]  It's uninhabitable.
[00:23:34]  It gets too cold to survive outside.
[00:23:36]  You will die if you're outside.
[00:23:37]  You can't just walk around.
[00:23:39]  You will die.
[00:23:39]  You need a heavy ass jacket.
[00:23:41]  If you're homeless, you need to go into the subway.
[00:23:43]  Like if you are outside in the street, it gets that cold.
[00:23:46]  So what do we do?
[00:23:47]  We would have these amazing bars, restaurants, nightclubs.
[00:23:50]  There'd be all these things we could go to where we could communicate with each other.
[00:23:54]  We could be around each other.
[00:23:55]  We could feel that like that cultural, I don't even like calling it a melting pot.
[00:23:59]  It's like fucking pinball.
[00:24:01]  You know, you see these different cultures smashing into each other.
[00:24:03]  You create these amazing places.
[00:24:04]  And it's just like, it makes the most amazing city in the world.
[00:24:07]  The second you take away indoor anything, you killed it.
[00:24:11]  You killed the soul of the city.
[00:24:12]  We should storm quarterbacks.
[00:24:13]  No, we don't pinball because we're in the Blasio.
[00:24:16]  We should storm them.
[00:24:17]  We should storm them, bro.
[00:24:18]  It's unbelievable.
[00:24:18]  You killed it.
[00:24:19]  You took away the soul.
[00:24:21]  There's no pinball because we're not out.
[00:24:22]  Exactly.
[00:24:23]  But it's all inside.
[00:24:24]  Bro, we went through.
[00:24:24]  We're looking at the pinball machine.
[00:24:26]  There's no exactly.
[00:24:27]  What is pinball without the whatever?
[00:24:29]  It's those stupid kids.
[00:24:30]  They played it.
[00:24:31]  Jacks.
[00:24:32]  Marbles.
[00:24:33]  Marbles.
[00:24:33]  Yeah.
[00:24:34]  We don't want to play marbles.
[00:24:36]  The point is, we're out here.
[00:24:38]  And I'm literally just going, like, oh my God.
[00:24:40]  Like, we went for a walk.
[00:24:41]  My girl and I went for a walk.
[00:24:42]  We're like, when we get cold, we'll pop into a store.
[00:24:44]  Nothing.
[00:24:45]  Bro, in order to go into fucking Northface, there's a 20-person line because everything's socially just inside.
[00:24:53]  You've crippled being able to be outside.
[00:24:55]  Now you're locked into you're essentially, now we're back in quarantine.
[00:24:59]  It's no different in terms of our ability to operate.
[00:25:01]  We can go out to go to the supermarket, but then we're back inside.
[00:25:04]  And being outside is too fucking cold to do anything.
[00:25:07]  You've killed the city.
[00:25:09]  Yeah.
[00:25:10]  So we're moving to Miami.
[00:25:14]  So I got this idea.
[00:25:17]  I was like, why don't we look into when can I tell my side?
[00:25:23]  For the listeners also, this is the first time we've ever heard this plan.
[00:25:25]  Oh, yeah.
[00:25:26]  This is the first time everybody's heard this.
[00:25:27]  We decided to talk about here.
[00:25:28]  So I start going, what if we just went for January, February, March, right?
[00:25:35]  We're going to start, I guess we should tell people now.
[00:25:36]  We're going to start hitting the road again, doing stand-up again in March.
[00:25:40]  It'll be cool.
[00:25:41]  We'll announce those dates and that kind of stuff, get that back going.
[00:25:44]  But January, February, March, we went down south to places that are actually open where we could live life and we could enjoy, obviously, nicer weather, but more importantly, enjoy like being around people.
[00:25:54]  Enjoy going to a restaurant.
[00:25:55]  You know, like that's how we fucking socialize, right?
[00:25:58]  And we do that for the next few months.
[00:26:00]  And by the time April comes around, it's warm enough to live with these unrealistic expectations that the bullshit fucking politicians of New York City have put on us.
[00:26:11]  April, we can eat.
[00:26:12]  April, we can do this.
[00:26:14]  So I tell the guys, I text you all.
[00:26:16]  What do you think?
[00:26:16]  You know, Austin or Florida.
[00:26:19]  And then Akash, you text me.
[00:26:23]  Well, let's start on Friday.
[00:26:25]  Okay.
[00:26:26]  Friday, Andrew's still complaining about all the tax money he paid.
[00:26:29]  Yeah.
[00:26:29]  He's like, why do we do this?
[00:26:31]  We should go to Florida.
[00:26:32]  We should go to Texas.
[00:26:34]  That might be part of it.
[00:26:34]  No state tax.
[00:26:35]  Who knows about that?
[00:26:36]  No state tax.
[00:26:37]  And I'm like, yo, I'm a southern boy.
[00:26:39]  Mark is a southern boy.
[00:26:41]  This is an exciting idea.
[00:26:42]  I asked him Friday.
[00:26:43]  I said, how serious are you about this?
[00:26:45]  I'm not.
[00:26:46]  That's not true.
[00:26:47]  He said we have to wait a couple years at least.
[00:26:49]  He said we had to wait a couple years.
[00:26:50]  No, I never said that.
[00:26:51]  Let's go to the text.
[00:26:52]  I never said anything.
[00:26:53]  This is in person.
[00:26:53]  It's right here.
[00:26:54]  Right here.
[00:26:54]  No, I never said a couple years.
[00:26:55]  Yeah.
[00:26:56]  My girl got to finish business school.
[00:26:57]  I might have said that.
[00:26:58]  I was on business school.
[00:26:59]  I might have said that.
[00:27:00]  Couple years?
[00:27:01]  Girl got it.
[00:27:01]  One more year.
[00:27:02]  This is before he had to cry outside of North Face.
[00:27:04]  Yeah, he legit says it's not that serious.
[00:27:07]  It wasn't that serious at that point.
[00:27:09]  I've been looking at apartments.
[00:27:10]  I'm coming back to the city for months.
[00:27:12]  Let's go.
[00:27:13]  We finalize a deal on Saturday because I'm like, we're not going nowhere.
[00:27:18]  Let's go.
[00:27:19]  Fucking fire the torpedoes.
[00:27:21]  We in this bitch.
[00:27:23]  Sign the lease.
[00:27:24]  I get a text from Andrew an hour later.
[00:27:27]  Boys, we're going down south.
[00:27:29]  Yeah.
[00:27:30]  I'm like, this got to be a fucking joke, right?
[00:27:33]  This got to be a joke.
[00:27:34]  He keeps texting.
[00:27:35]  Bro, he's then texting.
[00:27:36]  The sentiment is beautiful.
[00:27:38]  Beautiful place.
[00:27:38]  Nobody's going to be able to do it.
[00:27:39]  It's going to be stamped in, but it's fucking beautiful, bro.
[00:27:41]  It's absolutely gorgeous.
[00:27:43]  Yeah, is that the one with the skate park in it?
[00:27:45]  No, Couldn't afford that.
[00:27:47]  Expensive ass storage, bro, for you.
[00:27:49]  You do have a storage.
[00:27:50]  So I text him.
[00:27:52]  How serious are you about this?
[00:27:53]  Yeah, what'd I say?
[00:27:54]  50-50.
[00:27:55]  And then what else I say?
[00:27:56]  I don't know.
[00:27:57]  I said, I'm going out to dinner tonight.
[00:27:58]  It could bump up.
[00:27:59]  No.
[00:27:59]  Uh-oh.
[00:28:00]  Uh-oh.
[00:28:00]  He said that yesterday.
[00:28:01]  Then Sunday he texts.
[00:28:04]  He texts another.
[00:28:04]  We're going down South Texas.
[00:28:06]  Nobody responds.
[00:28:07]  Yeah, nobody responds.
[00:28:08]  There was a lot of enthusiasm in his group text.
[00:28:10]  Okay, well, this is all drilling after six hours.
[00:28:12]  Like pieces of shit.
[00:28:13]  Who's going to respond to you?
[00:28:17]  What the fuck does that mean?
[00:28:19]  I'm the boss.
[00:28:21]  You're supposed to respond to me.
[00:28:23]  What's happening?
[00:28:24]  There's an insurrection.
[00:28:26]  We're 42.
[00:28:27]  We're storming.
[00:28:28]  Censor him.
[00:28:34]  We know you, son.
[00:28:36]  Wait till I said a crazy idea and it hasn't happened.
[00:28:40]  Name one.
[00:28:42]  Name one.
[00:28:43]  Friday.
[00:28:44]  I'm not going anywhere.
[00:28:45]  Hold on.
[00:28:47]  I can't read just about everything you say.
[00:28:49]  Oh, I can beat a lineman.
[00:28:50]  Oh, I can do heart surgery.
[00:28:51]  Oh, I can be like everything that comes out of your mouth.
[00:28:54]  That's I could.
[00:28:55]  If I said we, then we do it.
[00:28:58]  I don't put that on y'all.
[00:28:59]  Y'all can't do that.
[00:29:03]  But when I say we, I have to take things seriously.

=== Fighting Hair Loss Insurrection (02:50) ===

[00:29:06]  Yeah.
[00:29:06]  Do you know what I mean?
[00:29:07]  Most common denominator.
[00:29:08]  Exactly.
[00:29:09]  Whatever he said.
[00:29:10]  Fucking math nerd.
[00:29:11]  Talk about denominators.
[00:29:15]  Oh, my God.
[00:29:16]  No, but in all seriousness.
[00:29:18]  Mark was on board immediately.
[00:29:20]  Of course he was.
[00:29:21]  Yeah.
[00:29:21]  Okay.
[00:29:22]  He's just going to go home.
[00:29:23]  He gets to go home.
[00:29:24]  This guy lives in squalor in New York.
[00:29:28]  This motherfucker gets one apartment in the head.
[00:29:32]  I'm shitting on all of you.
[00:29:34]  You lived in Jersey for six years.
[00:29:36]  You know the real reason I can't do it?
[00:29:37]  I can't hella.
[00:29:38]  I collect have a nicer apartment in New York.
[00:29:42]  We got to go down south.
[00:29:44]  We got to go down south so we can live somewhere else so I can search for a new apartment in New York and then we'll be good.
[00:29:50]  I felt like a fucking like I was a prisoner in Sekakis for years.
[00:29:54]  So he's been working to get to New York.
[00:29:56]  And I did my bid, yo.
[00:29:57]  I did my bid and now let's get the fuck out of here.
[00:30:01]  That second I'm ready to get free.
[00:30:03]  They add years to my sentence.
[00:30:04]  I'm not ready.
[00:30:05]  Oh, I want to go to New Zealand.
[00:30:09]  Five stones early life.
[00:30:13]  What's the power?
[00:30:17]  At the twilight slash cleaning.
[00:30:20]  Systemic racism.
[00:30:21]  I feel it.
[00:30:22]  I feel it.
[00:30:24]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break from this best of episode because I got to tell you how to be the man that you used to be.
[00:30:30]  The man that had a full head of hair.
[00:30:33]  You don't have to be bald.
[00:30:34]  It is a choice nowadays, ladies and gentlemen.
[00:30:37]  And the company that's going to help you keep your hair is called Keeps.
[00:30:40]  That's right.
[00:30:40]  Keeps has got your back.
[00:30:42]  I've been using this for literally over a decade.
[00:30:45]  And thank God I still got my hair.
[00:30:47]  Probably should have left me around 24, 25 years old.
[00:30:50]  But I said, no, I am taking a stand.
[00:30:52]  I did, and my hair is still on my head.
[00:30:55]  It is a difference maker.
[00:30:56]  Keeps offers a simple, stress-free way to keep your hair, convenient virtual doctor consultations and medications delivered straight to your door every three months.
[00:31:04]  You don't even have to leave your home.
[00:31:05]  It's low cost.
[00:31:06]  Treatment starts just $10 per month.
[00:31:08]  And Keeps offers generic versions.
[00:31:10]  They got discrete passioning, packaging, so nobody's going to know, and more five-star views than any of its competitors.
[00:31:15]  Prevention is key.
[00:31:17]  Stop the hair loss before it's gone.
[00:31:19]  Okay.
[00:31:19]  Treatments can take four to six months to see results.
[00:31:21]  So act fast.
[00:31:22]  So if you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss, go to KEEPS.com slash flagrant to receive your first month of treatment for free.
[00:31:30]  That's K-E-E-P-S.com/slash flagrant to receive your first month free.
[00:31:36]  K-E-E-P-S.com/slash flagrant.
[00:31:38]  Now let's get back to this best of it.
[00:31:40]  Let us know where we're trying to go.
[00:31:41]  I'm going to make one more phone call and then we're out of here.
[00:31:44]  Who are you calling?
[00:31:45]  I don't like when he does this.
[00:31:46]  Guys, we'll see.
[00:31:47]  This makes me nervous.
[00:31:48]  This might be the deciding factor.
[00:31:50]  Oh, no.
[00:31:51]  You should have gave me the number.
[00:31:52]  I could have called her on the computer.
[00:31:54]  Hello.

=== Boosting Immunity with Mel (15:15) ===

[00:31:56]  Oh, hello, Truffle.
[00:31:58]  What up?
[00:31:59]  Truffle, you're on the Flagrant 2 podcast right now.
[00:32:02]  Jesus Christ.
[00:32:03]  Now, are you sniffing out some locations for us to live currently?
[00:32:09]  Yeah, with you, it's deep two hours outside of come on, bro.
[00:32:14]  Stop it.
[00:32:16]  Have you said the location?
[00:32:17]  Stop doing it.
[00:32:18]  You're doing it again.
[00:32:19]  Stop doing it.
[00:32:23]  Continue.
[00:32:25]  Are we going to, are we going to Florida?
[00:32:27]  Are we going to Texas?
[00:32:29]  I want to go to Florida.
[00:32:30]  Let's go, baby.
[00:32:31]  Yes, Duff.
[00:32:32]  Let's go.
[00:32:34]  Yo, so there.
[00:32:35]  Yo, you just got here, yo.
[00:32:36]  The you, baby.
[00:32:38]  Yo, Dove, Dub.
[00:32:40]  So we're looking to maybe lean towards Florida in the current moment.
[00:32:44]  Yep.
[00:32:46]  Obviously, the guys were haters.
[00:32:47]  They say that I'm a hypocrite because I gave Seinfeld so much shit for leaving New York, but acting like New York was the best.
[00:32:53]  And that's exactly what I'm doing right now.
[00:32:59]  So I got to apologize to Seinfeld if we end up going to Florida.
[00:33:05]  You should.
[00:33:06]  You know, what's more important than apologizing is you're getting a tan on that pasty skin.
[00:33:10]  So Florida needs you.
[00:33:11]  New York was sketched too.
[00:33:13]  From this LA guy, I say you guys have work to do.
[00:33:17]  Austin, Texas has work to do.
[00:33:20]  Florida's it.
[00:33:21]  That's so Jewish, dog, to send us all to Florida in the winter.
[00:33:24]  Yeah.
[00:33:26]  That is true.
[00:33:28]  Yeah, this call was rich.
[00:33:29]  You guys can design a set and we can all make it Floridiz with palm trees, birds of palms.
[00:33:34]  Navy's going.
[00:33:36]  Keep going.
[00:33:37]  Keep going.
[00:33:38]  Keep going, you fucking truffle.
[00:33:40]  Keep going.
[00:33:40]  This is what I like.
[00:33:43]  Guys, it's it.
[00:33:44]  It's two hours from you.
[00:33:47]  East Coast, same timing.
[00:33:49]  Yeah.
[00:33:50]  Same time is not as important.
[00:33:51]  All right, Dove.
[00:33:52]  You're really flopping.
[00:33:54]  You're so much in person.
[00:33:56]  So much more fun in person.
[00:33:57]  Yeah, Devil probably end up.
[00:33:58]  Yo, Dove, shouts for being edited out of this podcast.
[00:34:00]  Yeah, we're going to tell this whole show.
[00:34:02]  Well, if you called me an hour ago, I was on 90s hip-hop Peloton, so I thought that that would have been kind of fire.
[00:34:10]  That would have been absolutely fire, bro.
[00:34:12]  We would have loved that.
[00:34:13]  Yeah, that was great.
[00:34:14]  That was a fat fucking body of yours.
[00:34:16]  I'm still searching.
[00:34:17]  Are all the guys coming?
[00:34:18]  Yeah, I think we're all going.
[00:34:20]  What's my travel stipend?
[00:34:22]  I hate you.
[00:34:23]  Bye.
[00:34:25]  Wow.
[00:34:36]  Welcome to Flagrant Dost, baby.
[00:34:38]  We in Miami.
[00:34:40]  Hey, bro, what's our theme song, Akash?
[00:34:47]  Welcome to Miami, and we back.
[00:34:50]  Okay, we started the podcast about two hours ago, but your boy got a little drunk.
[00:34:55]  I was on that terra mana.
[00:34:56]  I don't know what the fuck happened.
[00:34:58]  I started explaining AMC game style.
[00:35:01]  Short this.
[00:35:01]  I'll give you something short.
[00:35:03]  What?
[00:35:04]  What?
[00:35:04]  My dick.
[00:35:05]  Oh, thank you, Akash, for taking me.
[00:35:07]  Dude, legend.
[00:35:08]  Hey, hit that wide so they can see this studio out.
[00:35:10]  This shit is so fire, dog.
[00:35:12]  Hey, this shit is so fire.
[00:35:15]  Are we top two?
[00:35:16]  No, we ain't, we ain't told you.
[00:35:17]  No, no.
[00:35:18]  Are we top two?
[00:35:19]  Yeah, meaning like we want and yeah, yeah, of course.
[00:35:21]  We wanted two.
[00:35:21]  Oh, we want and two.
[00:35:22]  This is one and two.
[00:35:23]  Dove is even in the building.
[00:35:25]  Yeah, Taylor.
[00:35:26]  Dove lined it up, bro.
[00:35:27]  He really did.
[00:35:28]  Taylor two.
[00:35:28]  We're not here without.
[00:35:29]  Do we have Taylor 2?
[00:35:30]  Do we have Taylor 2.0?
[00:35:33]  We got Taylor 2.0.
[00:35:34]  Doesn't take notes, just sits down, Truffles.
[00:35:36]  Yeah.
[00:35:37]  You even got a lot of people.
[00:35:38]  I got a mic, bro.
[00:35:39]  Miles been working for us for half a year.
[00:35:41]  Did a Netflix special.
[00:35:42]  He didn't even get a mic.
[00:35:43]  He said, get the USB cam.
[00:35:46]  You took my little sister to prom.
[00:35:48]  I got the mic.
[00:35:49]  That's all.
[00:35:49]  That's all I did.
[00:35:50]  Step for the prom.
[00:35:51]  Yeah, that's nothing else.
[00:35:52]  That's a shitty hole that happened.
[00:35:53]  Nothing else.
[00:35:54]  That shit is not worth it, though.
[00:35:55]  You don't think so?
[00:35:56]  Nothing.
[00:35:56]  I was a gentleman with your sister.
[00:35:58]  Probably because you look like Dove.
[00:35:59]  Ain't nobody trying to fucking golly.
[00:36:02]  Put my sister on screen when this podcast lands.
[00:36:05]  My sister actually do this.
[00:36:07]  It's fighting.
[00:36:07]  You know what's mad fucking?
[00:36:09]  You can't be angry at that because then it insults you.
[00:36:12]  That's the perfect deal.
[00:36:13]  But I'm a good brother.
[00:36:14]  I've never seen her.
[00:36:15]  Put my sister.
[00:36:16]  I'm not insulting her by saying she looks like you.
[00:36:18]  No, sir.
[00:36:20]  Put it up.
[00:36:21]  Don't put her out there for the family.
[00:36:22]  She's married, bro.
[00:36:23]  She got kids.
[00:36:25]  They love the attention.
[00:36:25]  It's okay.
[00:36:26]  Nah, We're playing the bachelor with all doves family.
[00:36:30]  Let's go.
[00:36:30]  Oh, that actually is not a bad idea, bro.
[00:36:33]  You got some pieces in your family, dude.
[00:36:35]  Thank you.
[00:36:36]  That's disrespectful because he's seen your family.
[00:36:38]  It's not disrespectful.
[00:36:38]  Your mom's a beautiful woman.
[00:36:40]  Beautiful.
[00:36:40]  Beautiful woman.
[00:36:41]  Oh, shit.
[00:36:42]  Let's pull up a picture.
[00:36:46]  Stop it.
[00:36:46]  Yo, ever since we got to Miami, I got crazy, bro.
[00:36:49]  You got something in your loins down here, dog.
[00:36:51]  Hey, bro.
[00:36:52]  You've been a horny kid.
[00:36:53]  I've been a horny.
[00:36:54]  You've been horny ever since we got down here, dog.
[00:36:57]  I think it's the climate.
[00:36:58]  I think in this climate, yo, your girl getting pregnant nah.
[00:37:02]  I can't wait, dog.
[00:37:03]  Guaranteed.
[00:37:04]  Before we leave here, she's pregnant.
[00:37:05]  Oh, I can't wait.
[00:37:07]  Where are you living again?
[00:37:08]  Went in Rome.
[00:37:08]  You know what I mean?
[00:37:09]  Went around the Latins.
[00:37:10]  Do as the Latins.
[00:37:11]  Your girl's pregnant.
[00:37:12]  There's two billion Indians.
[00:37:14]  Y'all do.
[00:37:15]  Hey, chill, chill.
[00:37:18]  I just said, there's like 100,000 Puerto Ricans out there.
[00:37:21]  There's 2 billion Indians.
[00:37:23]  Don't bring up good points.
[00:37:24]  Shit.
[00:37:28]  Hey, welcome to Flagrant Dose.
[00:37:30]  We're out here.
[00:37:31]  And I'm like, oh, that's Clint Eastwood.
[00:37:32]  You know, it's like, oh, that's Clint Eastwood.
[00:37:33]  Like, rushing past him.
[00:37:35]  But I didn't stop and fanboy on him.
[00:37:37]  I would definitely fanboy on Clint Eastwood.
[00:37:38]  Yeah.
[00:37:39]  So he's a piece, dude.
[00:37:40]  Objectively speaking, I mean, he was a handsome guy.
[00:37:43]  Well, I'm not gay, but I'd have sex with Mel Mel Gibson.
[00:37:47]  You know, it's funny because what I want is Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood.
[00:37:51]  I asked him about Clint Eastwood, and you just suggested Mel Gibson.
[00:37:56]  I'm going to have sex with Mel Gibson.
[00:37:58]  I was like, Clint Eastwood's hot.
[00:37:59]  You're like, I would have sex with Mel Gibson.
[00:38:02]  Exactly.
[00:38:02]  No one brought up Mel Gibson.
[00:38:04]  He was just thinking about it.
[00:38:05]  Anyway, so I'm in there.
[00:38:06]  Here's the reason I raise this.
[00:38:08]  Here's the reason I raise it.
[00:38:10]  You're telling me Danny Glover to find Mel Gibson.
[00:38:13]  Actually, Danny Glover fucked me that night.
[00:38:17]  I'm joking.
[00:38:19]  Let's stop.
[00:38:19]  Let's get serious.
[00:38:21]  Yeah, let's get serious.
[00:38:22]  Yo, come on, man.
[00:38:23]  That was right by Clint Eastwood.
[00:38:26]  That's a joke.
[00:38:28]  How dark is Danny Glover's dead?
[00:38:30]  Like this.
[00:38:32]  I was like, Danny, it's so big.
[00:38:36]  India banned the Pfizer mRNA vaccine.
[00:38:38]  Because we made our own, bro.
[00:38:39]  That's what we do.
[00:38:40]  No, but it wasn't, yeah, it wasn't the special.
[00:38:44]  Let me tell you something.
[00:38:44]  You look at my genes, tell me they couldn't be changed.
[00:38:46]  I would love to change my DNA.
[00:38:49]  This shit is the most trash DNA.
[00:38:51]  Indians should all take the vaccine, quite frankly.
[00:38:53]  You got the worst genes.
[00:38:55]  Indians and Chinese.
[00:38:56]  Listen, I'm not.
[00:38:56]  Listen, you're actually a smart, good-looking guy, man.
[00:38:59]  Hey, You got nice, sparkly green eyes.
[00:39:03]  I'm not saying you fucking suck.
[00:39:05]  Hey, hey, okay.
[00:39:08]  Okay.
[00:39:10]  It ain't about color.
[00:39:10]  It's about spirit, man.
[00:39:13]  Have you taken down some chocolate bombs?
[00:39:14]  Oh, I've had a few chocolate bombs.
[00:39:18]  Yo, Richard.
[00:39:20]  I was bad.
[00:39:21]  I was bad in Dallas.
[00:39:22]  I would go down like, you know, because they were well-to-do black folks in my neighborhood, but they were just like all state, like all the white people.
[00:39:30]  But I would go down basketball courts in Dallas.
[00:39:32]  Yeah.
[00:39:33]  And when I was like 12, 13, I was banging some of that black pussy.
[00:39:37]  Because it's all pink in the middle.
[00:39:39]  There you go.
[00:39:40]  Let's get serious.
[00:39:41]  Okay.
[00:39:42]  Telling all of everything.
[00:39:43]  Yeah.
[00:39:43]  I know.
[00:39:46]  No, but let's get serious.
[00:39:48]  What was the question?
[00:39:50]  I have been critical of you in the past, and then I realized if we brought you onto this podcast, it would make me more money, so I was cool with it.
[00:39:59]  Shut on my lap.
[00:40:02]  I don't got space.
[00:40:03]  I never got space.
[00:40:07]  What do you want for Christmas, Alec?
[00:40:09]  What do you want for Christmas?
[00:40:10]  If you break the chair, come on.
[00:40:13]  Get over here, boy.
[00:40:14]  My girl.
[00:40:15]  You ever seen a grown man naked?
[00:40:16]  Oh, my God.
[00:40:18]  This is terrifying.
[00:40:25]  I thought you weren't just hanging out at the bohemian party.
[00:40:28]  I'm not right now.
[00:40:29]  He looks like a puppet on his lap.
[00:40:31]  He looks like a ventriloquist, bro.
[00:40:33]  He's a finger-puff.
[00:40:34]  Yo, do the ventriloquism at.
[00:40:35]  Go.
[00:40:37]  Jeff Dunham's puff.
[00:40:39]  I killed you.
[00:40:41]  We're getting married.
[00:40:44]  It's okay.
[00:40:44]  You don't want to go.
[00:40:45]  I got trying so hard to be comfy, bro.
[00:40:49]  He's just so hard.
[00:40:51]  He's just smiling, laughing, but he's dying.
[00:40:54]  Oh, my God.
[00:40:55]  Oh, my God.
[00:40:57]  This is too good.
[00:40:58]  It just upset both our fan base and Alex.
[00:41:01]  Do you think the election was stolen from Biden?
[00:41:05]  Yes.
[00:41:07]  Yes.
[00:41:08]  It was stolen from Biden.
[00:41:10]  It was stolen from Biden.
[00:41:11]  I was stolen from Biden.
[00:41:13]  Well, Biden really won, and then Trump, the fucking asshole, racist.
[00:41:21]  That fucking white supremacist, he fucking struck.
[00:41:27]  He stole the election.
[00:41:30]  What?
[00:41:36]  He's looking at you this time.
[00:41:39]  Super drunk right now.
[00:41:43]  Not the old, old Flagrant 2.
[00:41:45]  This is like the first revision of Flagrant 2.
[00:41:48]  Yeah, right.
[00:41:48]  This is the second draft.
[00:41:49]  Exactly.
[00:41:50]  Second draft, Flagrant 2 is your boy Schultzy, Akash Singh, Alex Media, the OGs, Ronald.
[00:42:00]  Rona busy feasting on the rest of the crew.
[00:42:05]  If you come to Miami, you got to be ready for that Rona.
[00:42:09]  It's a guarantee.
[00:42:10]  Guarantee.
[00:42:11]  But you know what?
[00:42:11]  Now we know we got antibodies and that shit works.
[00:42:13]  Yo, we got antibodies.
[00:42:15]  That shit work, but Corona is feasting on Mark's flabby ass, bro.
[00:42:21]  Because you know what it is?
[00:42:22]  Mark was doing that one meal a day shit.
[00:42:23]  What's it called?
[00:42:24]  OMAD.
[00:42:25]  Omat.
[00:42:25]  He was mad.
[00:42:27]  He was real bad right now.
[00:42:29]  Let me tell you.
[00:42:30]  That one meal a day shit got his immune system trashed.
[00:42:33]  I bet you 100%.
[00:42:35]  Real man do two meals a day.
[00:42:37]  I'll be drinking oat milk three times a day.
[00:42:39]  I got a ginger shot, bro.
[00:42:40]  I got everything.
[00:42:41]  Are you doing it, boy?
[00:42:43]  Your boy out here, bro.
[00:42:44]  You doing it?
[00:42:45]  I be swimming in my pool.
[00:42:52]  Nothing making me happier than Texas being frozen.
[00:42:55]  Oh, son.
[00:42:57]  Yo.
[00:42:58]  But for real, before we get to that, we just got to say that, you know, we got to wish best of luck to the people in our crew that are going through the Rona.
[00:43:07]  Fucking Rona running it back on Mark's ass right now.
[00:43:11]  Rona was like, I ain't getting enough.
[00:43:14]  Daddy wants second.
[00:43:16]  Bro, you know how Mark eats everybody's leftovers?
[00:43:21]  That's how Rona treated Mark.
[00:43:24]  Rona came over to Mark like this.
[00:43:26]  I'm a holy green.
[00:43:30]  Oh, my God.
[00:43:32]  Bro, I'm telling you.
[00:43:34]  Yo, it's so great.
[00:43:35]  I'm so happy it wasn't me this time.
[00:43:37]  Oh, so good.
[00:43:37]  I'm so happy.
[00:43:38]  It's so nice.
[00:43:39]  So good.
[00:43:39]  I'm so happy because I got Rona the worst.
[00:43:43]  I'm like, fuck, I got the worst immune system, but this motherfucker got it twice.
[00:43:47]  Motherfucker, son.
[00:43:51]  Y'all soft ass shit.
[00:43:53]  You get Rona twice, bro.
[00:43:54]  You got antibodies and your antibodies like, no.
[00:43:58]  Go away.
[00:44:02]  Son, imagine Mark got like some real fucked up shit.
[00:44:06]  Come on.
[00:44:07]  Don't do that.
[00:44:08]  No, but if he got AIDS or something like that, bro, maybe that's why he only had sex with one person his whole life because he knew if he got AIDS, that shit would be ravaging his body right now.
[00:44:19]  Ravaging it, bro.
[00:44:22]  So Miles.
[00:44:23]  Yeah.
[00:44:24]  Poor Miles, bro.
[00:44:26]  Just broke into the crew.
[00:44:27]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:44:28]  Just came on the bus.
[00:44:29]  The crew broke him in real fast, bro.
[00:44:32]  That's what it is.
[00:44:33]  If you want to work for us, you got to get Rona, bro.
[00:44:35]  That's what it is, bro.
[00:44:36]  Simple as that.
[00:44:37]  Now you can enjoy Miami unless you mark and you get that shit twice.
[00:44:42]  Guaranteed Mark a third time.
[00:44:44]  100% guaranteed.
[00:44:46]  Little flamingo ass.
[00:44:47]  We're going to make his little flamingo ass walk around with one of these little things.
[00:44:54]  Little dainty ass immune system, paper-mâché having an immune system, bro.
[00:44:58]  Come on.
[00:45:00]  Come on.
[00:45:01]  We were all in all the same places.
[00:45:03]  We all went to the same places, same dinner, same everything.
[00:45:06]  Oh, boy, he got got, huh?
[00:45:07]  Yep.
[00:45:08]  And Rona made a choice.
[00:45:10]  Duck, duck, mark.
[00:45:13]  That's what it was.
[00:45:19]  Happy Valentine.
[00:45:20]  Happy Valentine's, baby.
[00:45:23]  Oh, my God.
[00:45:24]  But in all seriousness, it is too funny, bro.
[00:45:28]  It's so good.
[00:45:28]  It's too funny because I don't know if we've properly explained how cavalier people are here about Corona.
[00:45:35]  Like, people just accept that you're going to get Corona.
[00:45:38]  It's crazy.
[00:45:39]  Like, I went to a gym today.
[00:45:41]  Yeah.
[00:45:41]  And we put on a mask as we were walking into the gym.
[00:45:45]  And the guy goes, oh, no, we don't do that.
[00:45:48]  What?
[00:45:49]  What?
[00:45:53]  He didn't say you don't have to.
[00:45:55]  He was like, no, we don't do that.
[00:45:57]  So wild.
[00:45:57]  Like, their policy was no mask.
[00:45:59]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break from this best stuff episode because I got to make sure that you're going into the new year with a trimmed down bush, just like your boy.
[00:46:06]  Right now, I'm probably relaxing on the beaches of Brazil and my bush is trimmed the fuck down.
[00:46:12]  And how did I do it?
[00:46:12]  I did it with Manscaped, okay?
[00:46:14]  I busted out their new lawnmower and I started trimming it to save me so much fucking time that it's worth it.
[00:46:20]  That's what this is about.
[00:46:21]  It's about time.
[00:46:22]  Okay.
[00:46:22]  If you got a big bush and hairy balls and hairy gooch like your boy over here and you get in there with the razor and you're taking scissors, you're going to be there all night.
[00:46:31]  It's a half hour if you're going to do it properly.
[00:46:33]  Plus, all the cleanup and everything, it's ridiculous.
[00:46:35]  If you got the manscape, you're in and out of there under five minutes, maybe under three.
[00:46:39]  It's that quick.
[00:46:40]  It's that beautiful.
[00:46:41]  It's that trimmed up.
[00:46:43]  Matter of fact, it looks absolutely perfect.
[00:46:45]  Your girl's going to love it.
[00:46:46]  Your guys are going to love it.
[00:46:48]  Whoever is sucking on your dick is going to love it.
[00:46:51]  And that's what you should do.
[00:46:52]  Manscaped.
[00:46:53]  And you know what else is going to happen?
[00:46:54]  You're going to get 20% off.
[00:46:56]  You're going to get 20% off in free shipping by going to manscape.com/slash flagrant.
[00:47:00]  That's right.
[00:47:01]  20% off in free shipping by going to manscape.com slash flagrant for a clean Trinity and Beyond.
[00:47:08]  Your space balls will thank you.
[00:47:09]  Now let's get back to this best of episode.

=== Shaving the Tall Horse Bush (12:38) ===

[00:47:12]  Mark comes to me the other day.
[00:47:13]  He goes, listen, I found white people's N-word.
[00:47:16]  I go, I go, isn't that white people?
[00:47:19]  Isn't that the N-word?
[00:47:20]  I go, that was the N-word.
[00:47:21]  He goes, no, no, no.
[00:47:22]  Like a word they're offended by, like the N-word.
[00:47:26]  I was like, what is it?
[00:47:26]  He goes, liberal cuck, bro.
[00:47:29]  If you just call a white person a liberal cuck, the more conservative they are, the more it infuriates them.
[00:47:36]  And Mark is telling me he went back to like his family reunion.
[00:47:40]  What was Easter or something?
[00:47:41]  I don't know what the fuck is.
[00:47:43]  If him were you in, he was just going, he was just going his brothers and shit.
[00:47:48]  He's like, bro, have you been reading more hugging and posts and stuff like that lately?
[00:47:52]  Like, I don't know.
[00:47:53]  You just see.
[00:47:54]  Yeah, dude.
[00:47:56]  You just seem a little bit more liberal or whatever.
[00:47:58]  Under his skin and Akash is spinning right now.
[00:48:01]  Akash is furious because you were being very mean, bro.
[00:48:06]  I was being mean?
[00:48:06]  Akash said you bent over at the waist to tie your shoes.
[00:48:09]  He's like, what kind of liberal shit is that?
[00:48:13]  Yo, come on.
[00:48:14]  You bend over at the waist to tie your shoes, bro.
[00:48:17]  I just don't see a more efficient way, you know?
[00:48:19]  So you get two for one?
[00:48:20]  Yeah, I get a nice little hammy stretch and I get to tie my shoes.
[00:48:23]  And you know what I mean?
[00:48:24]  People get to check out the goods.
[00:48:25]  I wish Mark would tie his shoes like that with that fucking bed out.
[00:48:29]  Oh, dude, there would be assaults every day, bro.
[00:48:32]  By the way, no.
[00:48:32]  No, I'm ready for New York.
[00:48:33]  And I do feel New York's going to be back.
[00:48:35]  And Miami's starting to get hot.
[00:48:37]  Like, I almost, I caught a heat stroke.
[00:48:39]  I was working outside.
[00:48:40]  I was working out outside.
[00:48:42]  Son, I almost caught a heat stroke, bro.
[00:48:44]  Y'all ever had a heat stroke?
[00:48:46]  It's crazy.
[00:48:47]  No, dude, I almost caught a heat stroke.
[00:48:49]  Which one is the Jewish person here?
[00:48:51]  I almost caught a heat stroke, bro.
[00:48:52]  I literally was, I was working out, and that fucking strokey heat caught me, bro.
[00:48:56]  You started getting stroke?
[00:48:57]  Son, I literally almost caught a heat stroke, bro.
[00:49:00]  I was doing the pads.
[00:49:02]  And then I literally, I took one hand.
[00:49:04]  I went, oh, I put my pad up on my forehead like that.
[00:49:08]  And the heat stroke got me, dude.
[00:49:09]  While the Jewish guy was inside in the AC, that's how you know he's pleasant.
[00:49:13]  Yeah, I was out there, dog.
[00:49:14]  I was out there hitting them pads, bro.
[00:49:16]  Because someone needs to check Jake.
[00:49:19]  Someone needs to.
[00:49:20]  It ain't going to be me, but someone needs to check Jake.
[00:49:22]  I think you could do it.
[00:49:23]  Nah, Jake, Jake, Jake.
[00:49:25]  I get knocked out for Jake, but for $50 million.
[00:49:27]  Yo, $50 million, son?
[00:49:29]  Guaranteed?
[00:49:30]  Let's go.
[00:49:31]  We dancing.
[00:49:32]  We dancing.
[00:49:34]  That would be a fun fight.
[00:49:35]  Trading to the gym, put on low weight.
[00:49:37]  You could take this.
[00:49:37]  Training for 17 years.
[00:49:39]  My ankles don't even work no more, bro.
[00:49:41]  Nah, you could take it.
[00:49:42]  Now, Jake, a big boy.
[00:49:43]  When we saw him, I was like, this motherfucker big.
[00:49:45]  Logan is bigger.
[00:49:46]  Yeah.
[00:49:47]  Logan is like taller, but Jake, I was like, oh, he, for his height, is a big dude.
[00:49:52]  Yeah.
[00:49:53]  So are you over Miami or what?
[00:49:54]  No.
[00:49:55]  You're getting a heat stroke down.
[00:49:56]  I time this perfectly, right?
[00:49:57]  I started getting heat stroke end of April.
[00:50:00]  Yeah.
[00:50:00]  If we left May 1st and went back, I'd be like, man, I still miss Miami.
[00:50:05]  Yeah, you want a little stroke.
[00:50:06]  I want to be ready to go back.
[00:50:08]  I want it to be like mid-May.
[00:50:09]  We're like, nah, we're ready for New York.
[00:50:11]  Boom.
[00:50:12]  Yeah.
[00:50:13]  Yes.
[00:50:14]  You see me?
[00:50:14]  You feel what I'm saying?
[00:50:15]  I like it.
[00:50:16]  It's going to be Gork.
[00:50:16]  We're going to go back to New York.
[00:50:17]  We'll be like, ah, beautiful.
[00:50:19]  City's going to be ready to go.
[00:50:21]  Fucking great Gatsby shit.
[00:50:22]  We're going to roll in.
[00:50:23]  Go right to the Waldorf.
[00:50:25]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:50:27]  Not bitches, but our loved ones, our wives.
[00:50:30]  But bitches in the Waldorfs.
[00:50:33]  Let's fucking go, son.
[00:50:34]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:50:35]  Let's go.
[00:50:36]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:50:38]  You know what I mean?
[00:50:38]  Pay the picture for him.
[00:50:39]  All right, I got bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:50:41]  Put my fur over the couch.
[00:50:43]  Wait a minute.
[00:50:44]  Different season.
[00:50:45]  Deceasing.
[00:50:46]  Different seasons.
[00:50:47]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:50:48]  Okay?
[00:50:49]  Bugatti, Bugatti in the driveway.
[00:50:52]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:50:53]  Don't even park it.
[00:50:54]  Leave that shit in front of the Waldorf.
[00:50:57]  Cute ass valet guy.
[00:50:58]  Say what?
[00:50:59]  What?
[00:50:59]  Cute ass valet with the hips.
[00:51:01]  Yeah, with the hips.
[00:51:02]  What size waste you?
[00:51:03]  That's what I said.
[00:51:04]  What size waste you?
[00:51:05]  He's like, what?
[00:51:05]  I say, don't park it.
[00:51:06]  Leave it right there.
[00:51:07]  All right.
[00:51:08]  Little schmuckers, jelly.
[00:51:11]  Spread you on, son.
[00:51:13]  You get spread.
[00:51:14]  You get spread, schmuckers.
[00:51:16]  Yeah.
[00:51:16]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:51:17]  He's confused.
[00:51:18]  I don't care.
[00:51:19]  I got bubbly in the bathtub.
[00:51:20]  Back to bitches in the wall door.
[00:51:22]  Bitches in the walldoor.
[00:51:23]  Okay, I'm back.
[00:51:24]  Okay, I'm back.
[00:51:25]  Bitches in the wall door, bubbly in the bathtub.
[00:51:28]  Pop, pop.
[00:51:29]  Bugatti.
[00:51:30]  Pop, pop.
[00:51:30]  Bugatti downstairs.
[00:51:32]  I called, yo, can you bring a car?
[00:51:33]  Psych is already there.
[00:51:35]  You know what I mean?
[00:51:36]  Schmuckers.
[00:51:36]  Room service.
[00:51:37]  Room service.
[00:51:38]  Cute ass little Mexican dude coming.
[00:51:40]  Adorable.
[00:51:41]  Motherfuckers, Adora Able.
[00:51:43]  I'm the on the Arriba.
[00:51:44]  What's he bringing you?
[00:51:45]  Huh?
[00:51:46]  What's he bringing you?
[00:51:47]  Shit.
[00:51:47]  More bitches?
[00:51:48]  Grab them ankle.
[00:51:51]  That's what he's gonna bring me.
[00:51:53]  You know what I mean?
[00:51:54]  But he, but he, what else he left?
[00:51:56]  I done left and came back to his party like three times already.
[00:51:59]  Bitches in Mitch's Waldorf.
[00:52:01]  Let's go.
[00:52:03]  We got bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:52:04]  We got Mexican guy bringing a little silver shit with the ice in it.
[00:52:08]  Nice lips.
[00:52:08]  Icing it with the fat lips and a nice little mustache, just perfectly trimmed so you can focus on the lips.
[00:52:15]  Yeah.
[00:52:15]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:52:17]  Give me that extra minute.
[00:52:19]  Yeah, give me that choose roll.
[00:52:22]  The little deuce that let you in the tip.
[00:52:24]  Squeeze it out.
[00:52:25]  Yeah.
[00:52:25]  Squeeze it out.
[00:52:26]  Yeah, but no, bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:52:27]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:52:29]  Yo, we write our next song.
[00:52:31]  The second song of summer.
[00:52:32]  Yeah, I know.
[00:52:33]  Yo, give me a beat, Al.
[00:52:35]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:52:38]  Jelly take him to church.
[00:52:41]  Yeah.
[00:52:42]  Damn, we need jelly, bro.
[00:52:43]  This is my artist right song.
[00:52:45]  Yeah, when it's us, it's fucking sucks.
[00:52:47]  What rhymes with Waldorf?
[00:52:49]  Waldorf salad?
[00:52:51]  What, Mars?
[00:52:52]  Whitaker.
[00:52:55]  Open it up.
[00:52:56]  Bother, open it up.
[00:52:58]  Okay.
[00:52:59]  What rhymes with Waldorf?
[00:53:00]  Come on, you're good at this.
[00:53:01]  Tall horse.
[00:53:02]  Oh, bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:53:04]  Hey.
[00:53:05]  Only got the tall horse.
[00:53:08]  Roast pork.
[00:53:09]  Oh, bitch is in the Waldorf.
[00:53:11]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:53:12]  Only got the tall horse eating on the roast pork.
[00:53:16]  With the we waited out the snowstorms.
[00:53:20]  Oh my God.
[00:53:24]  Shut up.
[00:53:25]  Shut up.
[00:53:26]  Yeah.
[00:53:26]  Yo, we in the subway.
[00:53:28]  Show time.
[00:53:29]  What's up, ladies and gentlemen?
[00:53:30]  Show tape.
[00:53:32]  Show.
[00:53:32]  It's show time.
[00:53:33]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:53:36]  Bringing out the tall horse.
[00:53:38]  What's the nice one?
[00:53:39]  Brunch with some roast pork.
[00:53:41]  Brunch with some roast pork.
[00:53:43]  Avoided all the snowstorms.
[00:53:47]  You know what I mean?
[00:53:47]  Yeah.
[00:53:48]  Grab a chick by her long finger.
[00:53:54]  Yo, this shit.
[00:53:59]  That means you're going to get married, right?
[00:54:00]  Grab a chick by a long finger.
[00:54:02]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:54:02]  I might as well put a ring on her or put a ring in her.
[00:54:07]  Nuva.
[00:54:07]  More angry.
[00:54:08]  You're going to run another humdinger.
[00:54:12]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:54:16]  Bubbly on the bubbly.
[00:54:18]  Yeah, boom, boom.
[00:54:18]  Boom, boom.
[00:54:19]  You know, sparklers on the Bugatti.
[00:54:23]  Sparklers on the Bugatti.
[00:54:26]  Look at the ceilings.
[00:54:27]  See the constellations.
[00:54:30]  Why do you sound like action Bronson exactly?
[00:54:33]  Look at the sailing to the constellation.
[00:54:36]  Orion's belt.
[00:54:38]  You know what I mean?
[00:54:38]  Cause you look like that Mexican dude that brought the fucking tray of fabric sizes to the hotel.
[00:54:45]  Probably gotta do his belt too.
[00:54:47]  Yeah.
[00:54:47]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:54:48]  Seen a big dipper.
[00:54:50]  Big dipper, yeah.
[00:54:51]  Yeah.
[00:54:52]  That's what my IQ was like after taking that vaccine.
[00:54:56]  This shit hit the big dipper.
[00:54:58]  You point down at 77.
[00:55:00]  Take the wonder lick right now.
[00:55:02]  Probably lick it.
[00:55:07]  That was bars, bro.
[00:55:08]  Yo.
[00:55:09]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:55:13]  And we back.
[00:55:15]  We back.
[00:55:17]  You got stylists like a tall horse.
[00:55:22]  Tall horse, tall horse.
[00:55:24]  You don't know which one it is?
[00:55:25]  I don't know.
[00:55:26]  Pop that ace cork.
[00:55:28]  Oh, pop that ace cork.
[00:55:33]  Come on.
[00:55:34]  We need some help.
[00:55:36]  We a bunch of big dorks.
[00:55:37]  Damn, why are you so good at writing fucking lyrics, bro?
[00:55:40]  They kind of sell down.
[00:55:41]  Man, reluctantly.
[00:55:42]  Leave it in, though.
[00:55:43]  Go, go.
[00:55:44]  You got it.
[00:55:45]  What's that?
[00:55:45]  What's the name of that?
[00:55:46]  You guys, people that wrote all the plays back in the day?
[00:55:48]  Jew Harlow over here.
[00:55:52]  We do know the rap bars of Jews.
[00:55:55]  Simon the Schuster.
[00:55:56]  Simon the Shuster.
[00:55:57]  Schuster.
[00:55:58]  What's the other guy?
[00:55:58]  Beastie Boys.
[00:56:00]  Publisher?
[00:56:00]  What?
[00:56:01]  Yeah.
[00:56:01]  Simon Schuster, the publisher?
[00:56:03]  Yeah.
[00:56:03]  Yo.
[00:56:04]  All right.
[00:56:04]  Ready?
[00:56:05]  Let's do it.
[00:56:05]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:56:06]  Oh, we back.
[00:56:07]  Let's go.
[00:56:08]  All right, let's get off of Waldorf.
[00:56:09]  That shit is hard.
[00:56:11]  Dude, yeah.
[00:56:11]  Plaza.
[00:56:12]  Oh, that's another one.
[00:56:13]  Peter Luger's.
[00:56:14]  All right, ready, ready, ready?
[00:56:15]  Got the Bugatti in his orange.
[00:56:18]  Oh, Mark.
[00:56:19]  God damn, it's so hard to rap orange.
[00:56:21]  Yeah, my bad.
[00:56:22]  Okay, okay, ready?
[00:56:23]  Ready?
[00:56:23]  Hold on.
[00:56:24]  We got this.
[00:56:24]  Let's go.
[00:56:24]  Let's hit this.
[00:56:25]  You ready for this?
[00:56:26]  Plaza.
[00:56:26]  No, we hit this.
[00:56:27]  All right.
[00:56:30]  Peter Luger.
[00:56:30]  See your bitch.
[00:56:31]  I might steal it.
[00:56:33]  Yeah.
[00:56:34]  I'm with two real dudes.
[00:56:36]  Hava and Nagila.
[00:56:40]  Okay, okay.
[00:56:41]  I'm with you.
[00:56:41]  Right?
[00:56:42]  Yeah.
[00:56:44]  He was doing it.
[00:56:45]  All right.
[00:56:46]  Julie was junior.
[00:56:48]  We was judy.
[00:56:49]  All right.
[00:56:49]  All right.
[00:56:49]  Ready?
[00:56:50]  All right.
[00:56:51]  Wait, wait, what was it again?
[00:56:53]  What was I doing to Peter Luger?
[00:56:54]  Luger.
[00:56:55]  Okay.
[00:56:55]  Two dudes with you.
[00:56:57]  Hava.
[00:56:57]  Hava and Nagila.
[00:56:58]  Hava and Nagila.
[00:56:59]  Put that truffle on that matzah.
[00:57:04]  You want to make it all Jewish?
[00:57:05]  I can go all day.
[00:57:09]  Put some leftandori chicken on it, bro.
[00:57:11]  Oh, that's not too.
[00:57:12]  Oh, we were going multicultural, bro.
[00:57:15]  We're multicultural rappers right now.
[00:57:17]  We were taking it to the next level.
[00:57:19]  Al, can you just recenter us, please?
[00:57:22]  Because you're the tesseract here.
[00:57:23]  For a rap, we have to draw all of our energy from you.
[00:57:26]  Okay?
[00:57:26]  You're our rap child.
[00:57:27]  You're our vision.
[00:57:28]  You are our North Star.
[00:57:29]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:57:32]  It's less.
[00:57:34]  Bitches is in the Waldorf.
[00:57:36]  Very expensive.
[00:57:36]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:57:39]  I keep telling people, people, like, yo, what y'all doing tonight?
[00:57:42]  What are we doing tonight, Al?
[00:57:44]  What's going down tonight, Al?
[00:57:46]  I think we might have some bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:57:48]  Now, you know, you got to hit it wrong.
[00:57:50]  Why you say it so mean?
[00:57:51]  Yo, yo, the strength.
[00:57:52]  RIP, Black Rob, how would Black Rob say it, bro?
[00:57:55]  Give me the DMX.
[00:57:56]  Yeah, How does he talk?
[00:57:59]  Yeah.
[00:58:00]  I'll be that Rob Marciano.
[00:58:01]  Yeah.
[00:58:04]  I got bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:58:06]  Bitches in the Waldorf.
[00:58:08]  I felt that in my loins.
[00:58:11]  Riding on a tall horse.
[00:58:12]  All the Trojans.
[00:58:17]  Leaf sperm on abdomens.
[00:58:20]  Only chicks and no guys.
[00:58:21]  Never guys.
[00:58:22]  Yeah, that's great.
[00:58:23]  Not even maybe one time we made the mistake, but it's fine.
[00:58:27]  Yeah, only girls and straight porn is the first rap.
[00:58:32]  I want to talk about some soccer bullshit, right?
[00:58:34]  This is the biggest story in the world.
[00:58:37]  Take it away.
[00:58:37]  Biggest story in the world.
[00:58:42]  We coming in with bitches in the wall.
[00:58:44]  That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
[00:58:46]  Yo, son.
[00:58:47]  You can't say that that bar don't hit you.
[00:58:49]  That hit the hit, yo.
[00:58:50]  That's a bar.
[00:58:52]  I wish he chose a different hotel, to be honest.
[00:58:54]  Nah, because Waldorf hits Waldorf.
[00:58:57]  It hits.
[00:58:57]  It's just don't rhyme with it.
[00:58:59]  And now you get to say, we're bringing in Ronaldo and Neymar and Messi to the Waldorf.
[00:59:05]  Waldorf.
[00:59:05]  Nah, keep them pretty much.
[00:59:08]  Keep away from our bitches at the Waldorf.
[00:59:10]  They don't have a Waldorf in Miami yet, I don't think.
[00:59:12]  Fuck.
[00:59:12]  Nah, they're building one, though.
[00:59:14]  I know this.
[00:59:14]  Asshole Army, what's up?
[00:59:17]  The Kings have returned to the city.
[00:59:20]  We are here back in New York.
[00:59:21]  If you're watching on YouTube, please check out the new studio.
[00:59:24]  Hit that wide shot.
[00:59:25]  Hit that wide shot.
[00:59:27]  Okay, Al, do what you were doing earlier.
[00:59:29]  Show off your fucking sneakers.
[00:59:31]  Al got a six-inch space to show off how his sneakers match his head.
[00:59:35]  Oh, you mean these?
[00:59:36]  Oh, These are things I just pulled these out of the closet.
[00:59:41]  Stay in the wide.
[00:59:46]  Oh, oh, fuck around.
[00:59:49]  Knock that shit over.

=== Tesla Auto Drive Show Offs (15:10) ===

[00:59:50]  Enjoy the bacon.
[00:59:53]  We're here, baby.
[00:59:53]  It's your boy Sheltie.
[00:59:55]  We got Arkash Singh, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon on the Truffle.
[00:59:58]  Shit, even Miles and Vala are watching in.
[01:00:02]  And it's time to begin this episode.
[01:00:04]  I know there's a lot that we have to talk about.
[01:00:05]  Technically, we didn't miss a week, but we were kind of off a week.
[01:00:08]  We pre-topped some episodes, so we didn't talk about a lot of dope shit.
[01:00:12]  But one important thing that we have to do, and we have to have this discussion right now, and it might tank the rest of the episode, but I'm very excited for it.
[01:00:19]  Is somehow the truffle managed to truffle the untruffleable.
[01:00:25]  Oh, somehow.
[01:00:27]  I like it.
[01:00:28]  He's on the ropes.
[01:00:32]  Get the wide.
[01:00:33]  If we see Dove's legs shaking in the wide, you know for a fact he's on the ropes.
[01:00:37]  Okay.
[01:00:38]  The truffle.
[01:00:39]  I don't know how this is possible because the untruffleable is Arkash.
[01:00:43]  He's Indian.
[01:00:44]  You can't beat him in any negotiation.
[01:00:46]  Okay.
[01:00:46]  Dove somehow brought a Tesla all the way out to Miami.
[01:00:52]  I said we're ready to go out.
[01:00:58]  You know how Homer Simpson disappears into the bushes?
[01:01:02]  Go to the wide.
[01:01:04]  This is how I was going to get out of every conversation.
[01:01:06]  Just okay.
[01:01:11]  So, Dove, while he's doing a million fucking things, I don't know how this guy does it.
[01:01:15]  His multitasking game is on a million.
[01:01:17]  This guy brought a Tesla out to Miami from Los Angeles.
[01:01:21]  He just bought a Tesla, right?
[01:01:23]  He lugged it out there, bro.
[01:01:24]  Made all this.
[01:01:25]  He lugged it.
[01:01:25]  He made all this money from the Netflix.
[01:01:27]  Amazing amounts of money.
[01:01:29]  Some would say paid too much for his role in Netflix, right?
[01:01:33]  Some might say that.
[01:01:33]  Maybe not me, but some might, right?
[01:01:35]  Many people have said it.
[01:01:37]  Maybe I mentioned it, but it has been said before.
[01:01:40]  And he used that money and bought a spanking new Tesla.
[01:01:43]  I mean, unbelievable, right?
[01:01:45]  Didn't pay for the auto drive, but that's fine.
[01:01:47]  Yeah, that's not even a Tesla.
[01:01:48]  He got a Honda.
[01:01:50]  That's a Honda, right?
[01:01:52]  That's a Honda.
[01:01:55]  He's got a quiet Honda.
[01:01:58]  I think you used that brand deliberately.
[01:02:00]  I'm going to be honest.
[01:02:01]  I'm going to be honest.
[01:02:02]  I didn't use Honda deliberately.
[01:02:03]  So if you don't pay for the auto drive in your Tesla, do you have a Honda?
[01:02:07]  No, but you guys can also add that shit later.
[01:02:10]  Tell them what you were doing.
[01:02:10]  Tell them what you were doing.
[01:02:11]  When he was driving girls around Miami, and she was mad about he'd hit the screen like it was auto drive and then drive with his knee bro, and this guy's on another level.
[01:02:20]  These bitches had no clue bro, they had no clue.
[01:02:23]  He's driving around just with his knee and thigh the entire time like, oh yeah, this auto drive is amazing.
[01:02:30]  It does, but you.
[01:02:33]  But it doesn't have drive by itself, because you weren't gonna pay for that cruise control.
[01:02:36]  Every car is cruise control.
[01:02:38]  It's got power windows, it has power windows, it has windshield wipers, it got a roof.
[01:02:43]  It's crazy.
[01:02:45]  So the headlights just turn on.
[01:02:46]  Yeah okay, so so dove This Tesla, which he got.
[01:02:50]  I'm gonna say how you got it out there.
[01:02:51]  This is an amazing truffle.
[01:02:52]  This guy's unbelievable amounts of truffles.
[01:02:54]  Didn't he ship it?
[01:02:55]  Oh, he did ship it with the Armenian Express.
[01:02:59]  He shipped it out with the Armenian Express.
[01:03:01]  Okay, how did you get it out there, Truffle?
[01:03:04]  He turkey decided to go.
[01:03:05]  The heart.
[01:03:07]  I'm like, just someone's going to pick it up and ship it out.
[01:03:12]  He's like, Dove, really love to drive.
[01:03:15]  Boyfriends.
[01:03:16]  He wanted to drive out his mom's boyfriend to drive the car out himself.
[01:03:20]  Wait, what?
[01:03:21]  Keep in mind, this is respect.
[01:03:22]  This is respect.
[01:03:24]  No, no, but this is a Tesla.
[01:03:25]  You know, he didn't splurge for the big battery.
[01:03:28]  Oh, yeah.
[01:03:28]  No, no.
[01:03:29]  He drove from LA from LA to Miami.
[01:03:31]  With the standard battery, you stopping every two hours.
[01:03:34]  He stopped every two hours in America.
[01:03:35]  Across the whole continent?
[01:03:37]  It took him two months.
[01:03:38]  It took him two months.
[01:03:39]  It took him longer to get from LA to Miami than it took him to get from Hungary to Los Angeles.
[01:03:44]  The guy spent more time immigrating his ass to Miami for no reason.
[01:03:48]  But did he have a Tesla in Hungary?
[01:03:49]  No, I gave him a Tesla.
[01:03:51]  He's going to see the country.
[01:03:52]  I don't know what's going on.
[01:03:53]  I don't know if he loves your mom or things are rocking.
[01:03:56]  Like, I don't know what.
[01:03:57]  He's like, whoa, two months to get out of the house?
[01:03:59]  Two months away from your mom's.
[01:04:00]  That's amazing.
[01:04:01]  Or I love your mom so much that I'll do anything for her son.
[01:04:05]  So, okay.
[01:04:06]  Aka is still going, where are we going with Tesla?
[01:04:09]  I got to contribute.
[01:04:11]  He's just like, how the fuck I got truffled and I didn't even know.
[01:04:14]  Okay.
[01:04:14]  So, so.
[01:04:15]  Get to it.
[01:04:16]  Cut the fact.
[01:04:19]  Cut the fact.
[01:04:20]  Okay.
[01:04:20]  You tried to blame me.
[01:04:21]  You said there was a dent in the Tesla.
[01:04:23]  And you tried to blame me.
[01:04:24]  Oh, we're not even there yet.
[01:04:32]  Get to it.
[01:04:34]  Hey, hey, where's my fucking A, bro?
[01:04:36]  You got the light.
[01:04:37]  No, you want me to leave.
[01:04:39]  How dare you blame me for this?
[01:04:42]  Hold on.
[01:04:44]  So, so the Tesla pulls up, right?
[01:04:46]  After the whole journey across.
[01:04:47]  So the car that you're getting is going across a whole nice America for very long.
[01:04:50]  That's fine.
[01:04:51]  Very long trip.
[01:04:51]  That's fine.
[01:04:52]  Okay.
[01:04:53]  So it comes with a ding.
[01:04:55]  It comes with a ding on the side of it.
[01:04:57]  Right?
[01:04:57]  Just dinged up.
[01:04:58]  Baby dinged.
[01:04:59]  Baby ding.
[01:05:00]  That marked this.
[01:05:01]  That marked it.
[01:05:02]  Be honest.
[01:05:03]  I thought you shipped it.
[01:05:03]  And I was like, oh, maybe I did do it.
[01:05:05]  If I had known a fucking cab driver was pulling it across the country.
[01:05:11]  That's how you know he don't love your mom.
[01:05:12]  He's like, fuck the side of this car.
[01:05:15]  I'm not using a blink of a shit.
[01:05:17]  Mark crashed a U-Haul the day one of Miami.
[01:05:20]  You've been in the car with him.
[01:05:21]  That was true.
[01:05:22]  You were an idiot for that.
[01:05:23]  No, I know.
[01:05:23]  No, you're deflecting.
[01:05:24]  He's doing hot potato.
[01:05:25]  We got to stay on top of it because Akash is sweating right now.
[01:05:27]  It's not because of the performance fleece.
[01:05:29]  Okay.
[01:05:29]  It's because he's about to get fleeced by Tom.
[01:05:31]  He has no fucking clue.
[01:05:33]  Off-white fleece.
[01:05:35]  The off-white fleece.
[01:05:37]  He probably got the debt in it because the guy thought it had to auto-drive.
[01:05:39]  He put that shit on.
[01:05:41]  Yeah.
[01:05:43]  Yo, what the fuck are you doing into me?
[01:05:45]  You cheap bastard.
[01:05:46]  You sent that motherfucker across America with no auto drive.
[01:05:49]  You tried to kill him.
[01:05:50]  The only reason he agreed to drive it across America is because he thought he was going to use all the drugs.
[01:05:54]  You're not going to pay $10 a month.
[01:05:56]  He's an autopilot.
[01:05:57]  It does the same thing.
[01:05:58]  It doesn't.
[01:05:58]  It does.
[01:05:59]  Oh, I'm already sweating.
[01:06:00]  I love this.
[01:06:01]  Okay.
[01:06:02]  So, so, so.
[01:06:03]  Yeah.
[01:06:03]  Dude's driving 94 miles per hour.
[01:06:05]  I don't think auto drive works at 90.
[01:06:08]  He was racing at times.
[01:06:09]  Trying to try to earn my love at times at the 90s.
[01:06:12]  You would know if you had it.
[01:06:12]  It's a 90s.
[01:06:13]  1,000 90s.
[01:06:14]  Damn.
[01:06:15]  All right.
[01:06:15]  So, so the car gets across.
[01:06:18]  He's there for one month with the car.
[01:06:20]  He finds out we're moving back to New York.
[01:06:23]  Yeah.
[01:06:24]  We're moving back.
[01:06:24]  He's moving to New York for the first time.
[01:06:26]  Oh, yeah, that's right.
[01:06:27]  He's moving to New York for the first time, right?
[01:06:28]  He's still got an apartment in LA.
[01:06:30]  Yeah.
[01:06:30]  Okay.
[01:06:31]  He guilted me.
[01:06:32]  He's like, my father has to say somewhere.
[01:06:35]  Your father got to go back tomorrow.
[01:06:37]  I don't know what to tell you, bro.
[01:06:38]  It's a very nice house.
[01:06:40]  How many thousands of square feet?
[01:06:41]  It's too much.
[01:06:42]  It's too much.
[01:06:43]  Okay.
[01:06:44]  So love him.
[01:06:47]  Shout out to Michelle.
[01:06:49]  Shout out to Michelle.
[01:06:50]  This poor Hungarian man flies back.
[01:06:52]  He drives a car for a month.
[01:06:53]  He goes, How do I get rid of this car?
[01:06:55]  I need to get somebody to take over my lease.
[01:06:56]  He's trying to get someone to take over.
[01:06:58]  He's asking all his family members.
[01:06:59]  All of them say no because they already know the truffle.
[01:07:01]  They know the game.
[01:07:02]  It's like something's wrong with this car.
[01:07:03]  Right, right.
[01:07:04]  There's some kind of situation here.
[01:07:05]  I'm not taking over your lease.
[01:07:06]  I'm not going to help you out.
[01:07:07]  You try to get everybody to do it, right?
[01:07:08]  Obviously.
[01:07:09]  Obviously, everybody do it.
[01:07:10]  Everybody, right?
[01:07:11]  Somehow he convinced Matthew at Ampersand Studios to let him just store the car there.
[01:07:14]  What?
[01:07:15]  The car is just being stored at the Ampersand Studios.
[01:07:17]  Shout out, Matthew.
[01:07:18]  Shout out, Matthew.
[01:07:19]  It's unbelievable the amount of truffles that go in the parking lot in the parking lot.
[01:07:23]  Yeah.
[01:07:23]  This is why no deals are being done.
[01:07:25]  That's why we got no fucking deals being done because this guy's working nine to five on figuring out this car.
[01:07:30]  And then one day you come and you tell me that Akash is going to take over the lease.
[01:07:34]  Yeah.
[01:07:34]  How in the fuck?
[01:07:35]  This is remarkable to watch.
[01:07:37]  Oh, it was me and me and Mark.
[01:07:39]  You were there?
[01:07:39]  We had a lot of people.
[01:07:40]  Oh, my God.
[01:07:41]  That was the best.
[01:07:43]  Fill it in.
[01:07:43]  Y'all hate it.
[01:07:44]  Tell me.
[01:07:46]  All right.
[01:07:46]  So I think the way you start off is, Akash, you want a Tesla?
[01:07:50]  And Akash immediately was like, yeah, I would love a Tesla.
[01:07:52]  I think that's how you started, right?
[01:07:53]  Is that fair to say?
[01:07:54]  I don't think that's true.
[01:07:54]  We keep going.
[01:07:55]  No, He's like, yo, Akash, you would be stupid not to take this.
[01:07:58]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[01:08:00]  First, knocks him.
[01:08:03]  It was so fast.
[01:08:05]  Then he pulled back a little once Ashcock gave some resistance.
[01:08:08]  What'd you say?
[01:08:09]  Because Akash knows that something's up.
[01:08:11]  He goes, deal is too good to be true.
[01:08:13]  I just said, well, I was like, don't do that to me.
[01:08:15]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:08:16]  Don't do that.
[01:08:16]  Don't do that to me.
[01:08:17]  Don't do that.
[01:08:18]  I get it.
[01:08:19]  Like, I'm stupid to not take it.
[01:08:20]  Fine, I don't care.
[01:08:21]  Get to the numbers.
[01:08:22]  And then you said, if you can't afford the payments, that's fine.
[01:08:25]  No problem.
[01:08:26]  But I just need to know now because I have someone.
[01:08:28]  No, you didn't.
[01:08:29]  You hit him in the pockets?
[01:08:31]  You hit him in the pockets?
[01:08:33]  That's crazy.
[01:08:34]  I took advantage of like he was talking about this gorgeous new apartment that he has in New York.
[01:08:40]  I'm sure you're already out of pocket that much on this stunning place.
[01:08:43]  I'm like, unbelievable.
[01:08:44]  This is how it was.
[01:08:45]  No, in all honesty.
[01:08:46]  This is how you know the apartment is good when she's posting moving day.
[01:08:48]  That's usually people's most stressful day.
[01:08:50]  She was posting that shit with pride.
[01:08:52]  It just didn't make sense.
[01:08:53]  He had that apartment with the car that he currently has.
[01:08:58]  You get all the Honda slander, bro.
[01:09:00]  But let's be honest, he did say, like, you're going to put your girl in this beautiful apartment with a metro card.
[01:09:04]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:09:04]  And then, and then with that, what happened?
[01:09:07]  Yeah.
[01:09:07]  Well, I also said, like, your new high-end apartment must have a Tesla charger there, too.
[01:09:12]  Oh, he did say, yeah, oh, my God, he's roping you, and you don't even know it.
[01:09:15]  I know.
[01:09:15]  And this is where I got it.
[01:09:17]  Akash knows that I can get a deal.
[01:09:19]  So basically, you're taking over a lease that's, but I'm also, but I gotta, I work for that deal.
[01:09:25]  I almost got roped in.
[01:09:26]  I was believing it was a story, but it's still a truck.
[01:09:30]  You're picking up on it a little bit more.
[01:09:31]  Tell me.
[01:09:33]  This is the real.
[01:09:36]  You're really getting this.
[01:09:40]  Keep getting them, Dub.
[01:09:41]  Keep getting them.
[01:09:43]  It was the fairest exchange.
[01:09:44]  It's fair.
[01:09:45]  Imagine.
[01:09:45]  Okay, fair enough.
[01:09:46]  Dove got screwed.
[01:09:47]  Yeah.
[01:09:48]  How did you get work?
[01:09:49]  I'm telling you clearly.
[01:09:50]  If I wasn't in this fucking city that charges for every, we have to go over a bridge.
[01:09:55]  We have to pay $20 to park for a coffee.
[01:09:58]  What bridge?
[01:09:59]  What bridge?
[01:10:00]  One of the bridges?
[01:10:01]  The tunnel.
[01:10:02]  The tunnel.
[01:10:03]  Yeah, but you can't do this.
[01:10:03]  It's a tunnel, a bridge.
[01:10:04]  The tunnel's a tunnel.
[01:10:05]  You want to go underneath the water for free?
[01:10:07]  How much does it cost?
[01:10:08]  How much does it cost?
[01:10:09]  Underneath water for free.
[01:10:11]  What type of baboon would go underneath the water for free?
[01:10:13]  I don't want to pay for it.
[01:10:14]  You trust a free water.
[01:10:15]  Say what?
[01:10:15]  I got to pay to go underneath the water.
[01:10:16]  I don't trust you.
[01:10:17]  I'm not paying.
[01:10:18]  I'm not trusting if I don't pay.
[01:10:19]  You should pay me to go underneath the water.
[01:10:21]  Anyway, get to the point.
[01:10:22]  I'm just saying.
[01:10:22]  I didn't need the car here.
[01:10:24]  Actually, no, you guys go ahead and read.
[01:10:25]  Your girl drives to Philly.
[01:10:27]  You drive everywhere for shows.
[01:10:28]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[01:10:29]  The next round is he came around with the numbers.
[01:10:31]  So he broke down the numbers and like how much you could sell a car for.
[01:10:36]  And then Aka got a calculator out.
[01:10:38]  That was me.
[01:10:39]  Once he got the calculator out, it was all over.
[01:10:41]  It was all.
[01:10:42]  He knew it.
[01:10:42]  He sold himself on it.
[01:10:45]  That was a Jewish Indian combo that I liked.
[01:10:47]  Yeah, so here's what I do.
[01:10:48]  Just out of curiosity, did you have a hunch that it was going to be?
[01:10:52]  No, I didn't just come.
[01:10:53]  I didn't have a hunch who's in that shitty Tesla, bro.
[01:10:55]  It would be hunched over driving.
[01:10:58]  I wish we did some crunching the numbers before.
[01:10:59]  That would be pretty nice if we weren't going on hunches back in the day, motherfucker.
[01:11:03]  Hey, man.
[01:11:04]  Remember when you bought a Michaela studio for six figures?
[01:11:08]  Do you remember the hunch?
[01:11:10]  The hunch that was changing the future podcast.
[01:11:13]  Can I tell you the nerf guard?
[01:11:15]  Can I tell you how much cheaper that was?
[01:11:17]  I can't even go.
[01:11:18]  That's a fraction of a Bitcoin, that Michael Studio.
[01:11:21]  A fraction of a Bitcoin.
[01:11:22]  And after I did it, I didn't go, let's buy more.
[01:11:25]  That's what you did.
[01:11:26]  You bought a Michael Studio, and then you say, oh, it's not working.
[01:11:29]  Buy two Michaels things.
[01:11:30]  Buy three, buy four, buy five.
[01:11:32]  You know what this is?
[01:11:33]  I'm doing the weight of hands.
[01:11:34]  Keep buying more.
[01:11:35]  Raise the level.
[01:11:36]  That's it.
[01:11:37]  I've never wanted crypto to plunge more in my entire fucking life.
[01:11:41]  I've never wanted it.
[01:11:42]  I would gladly lose all the money just to see you sweat.
[01:11:45]  Okay, go back to this.
[01:11:46]  Go, So, Dove, I have Dove give me the payments.
[01:11:50]  Yeah.
[01:11:50]  And I do the calculation.
[01:11:52]  I'm like, all right, it's going to cost about like 13K to have it for these years.
[01:11:55]  Yeah.
[01:11:55]  Then I realized I could sell my car for probably like $11.
[01:11:59]  So I'm like, I could wait a few years and then sell it down the road and then get a Tesla.
[01:12:04]  Or I could just have a Tesla for like $2,500, $3,000.
[01:12:06]  I got an instant offer for $10.30 from CarMex.
[01:12:08]  So I'm like, I could just take that, have a Tesla for 3Gs for three years.
[01:12:12]  Why don't we just do that?
[01:12:13]  Let's just live a little bit.
[01:12:14]  I didn't think it was the sharpest financial move, but I was like, is three K essentially for a Tesla for three years?
[01:12:20]  Let's do that.
[01:12:21]  And then Dove said that he had to sign a $2,000 lease signing thing that he's going to lose out on, right?
[01:12:28]  And then basically he told Arkash, he's like, I'm basically that.
[01:12:30]  I don't.
[01:12:30]  I don't know how to make $2,000.
[01:12:32]  I paid the down payment on a car, and he's not absorbing that.
[01:12:35]  He's just paying a clean, you're using the low monthly cost.
[01:12:40]  He's fucking raping you right now.
[01:12:41]  I'm just wondering, you've got six months till your Porsche comes.
[01:12:45]  Why didn't you want to take the Tesla?
[01:12:46]  Because he didn't trust the truffle.
[01:12:48]  He didn't trust me.
[01:12:48]  That's a good point.
[01:12:49]  I don't want to.
[01:12:50]  You trust me with everything.
[01:12:52]  I'm trying to get older cars.
[01:12:53]  I'm not trying to get the new fancy shit.
[01:12:55]  I want to go old.
[01:12:56]  You got a down payment on the Tesla.
[01:12:57]  What you talking about?
[01:12:58]  I got a down payment on a Tesla.
[01:12:59]  You got a down payment on the Cybertruck.
[01:13:00]  That's true.
[01:13:01]  That's a truck.
[01:13:02]  That's true.
[01:13:03]  That's different.
[01:13:04]  Also, that's also a camping vehicle.
[01:13:06]  If I want to start camping in the future, that's why I'm going to take the camp.
[01:13:09]  That's for me being in touch with nature, bro.
[01:13:11]  Don't try to act like I'm not nature.
[01:13:13]  He's an environmentalist.
[01:13:14]  I'm an environmentalist, bro.
[01:13:16]  You're going green with a Tesla.
[01:13:17]  You know what I'm saying?
[01:13:18]  And also, I need a car that's safe for my girl.
[01:13:19]  Yep.
[01:13:21]  My girl needs a truck.
[01:13:22]  She needs a truck.
[01:13:23]  She needs a truck, bro.
[01:13:24]  That's it.
[01:13:25]  She don't want that truck.
[01:13:27]  She hates that fucking trick.
[01:13:28]  You're going to hate that truck.
[01:13:30]  She's going to hate that truck.
[01:13:31]  Hey, hey, hey, buy yourself one.
[01:13:38]  Oh, my God.
[01:13:39]  Cut that part, y'all.
[01:13:44]  Anyway, so who do we think has won this truffle?
[01:13:47]  I think it's perfectly fair.
[01:13:48]  Thank you.
[01:13:48]  You think it's a fair trade?
[01:13:50]  100%?
[01:13:50]  I was just a little jealous because he has a Tesla with the trunk button that doesn't close automatically.
[01:13:56]  Oh, you saw me do that.
[01:13:58]  You got the old one.
[01:14:00]  You got to get out.
[01:14:02]  You got to get out the OG Jordan.
[01:14:03]  This motherfucker got retro.
[01:14:07]  God, Al, don't let me find out you got the old Tesla, bro.
[01:14:10]  I can't live in that car.
[01:14:11]  I've been in that car.
[01:14:12]  That's so humiliating.
[01:14:13]  Why would you get in that?
[01:14:14]  You know how that feels for me?
[01:14:16]  What if someone saw me?
[01:14:18]  Hey, you want a 2021?
[01:14:20]  I'll let you drive it because nobody else can.
[01:14:22]  It can't drive itself.
[01:14:23]  So I'll let you drive it.
[01:14:25]  Now, did Dove tell you the thing about how you can't get the monthly drive by itself?
[01:14:30]  Yeah, he told me that.
[01:14:30]  I got to pay for that up front.
[01:14:31]  And I was like, that's fine.
[01:14:32]  I don't have to have that.
[01:14:34]  My next Tesla, I'll get it.
[01:14:35]  You guys are going to be able to get retired.
[01:14:36]  This motherfucker bought a Tesla where you can't even drive it.
[01:14:39]  That's the point of the car.
[01:14:41]  I'm telling you.
[01:14:42]  It's unbelievable.
[01:14:43]  Girl's gonna be taking trips to the shoes, but it's not worth 10k for three years because I'm not gonna keep it for three years.
[01:14:48]  To me, it's just 3K for three years.
[01:14:51]  I'll save essentially that much in gas.
[01:14:53]  So, you're paying just for the tea in the front.
[01:14:55]  So, get a leaf.
[01:14:56]  Nah, it's a newer version.
[01:14:57]  It's a newer car, too.
[01:14:58]  That's got $5,000.
[01:14:59]  My car gets $75,000.

=== Wonder Woman Car Economics (05:26) ===

[01:15:01]  But what's new about it?
[01:15:02]  Like, it's got the same amount of wheels.
[01:15:04]  It's electric, baby.
[01:15:05]  It's massive.
[01:15:07]  That shit dumb fast.
[01:15:08]  There's a lot of electric cars, bro.
[01:15:09]  Get electric, bro.
[01:15:11]  What are you talking about?
[01:15:12]  You know what I'm saying?
[01:15:13]  You get in the shit that's supposed to drive by itself and it don't even drive by itself.
[01:15:16]  You go in the L-train.
[01:15:17]  You go on the L-train.
[01:15:18]  You asked to drive that too.
[01:15:19]  All right, guys.
[01:15:19]  I'll buy the self-driving.
[01:15:20]  I'll buy the self-driving.
[01:15:21]  Fuck.
[01:15:22]  What do we want?
[01:15:22]  You have to buy the self-driving.
[01:15:24]  That's a no-brainer.
[01:15:24]  All right, I'll buy it.
[01:15:25]  It's done.
[01:15:26]  Done.
[01:15:26]  Hit him.
[01:15:27]  Hit it.
[01:15:28]  He looks so juicy.
[01:15:28]  No, but he didn't.
[01:15:29]  But here's the thing.
[01:15:30]  You can't.
[01:15:30]  Wait, hang on.
[01:15:31]  No, I can buy it.
[01:15:32]  I can pay 10,000 all at once.
[01:15:34]  What?
[01:15:35]  You can talk him into anything.
[01:15:36]  This is what happened.
[01:15:37]  This is why we in debt.
[01:15:39]  This is why we in debt.
[01:15:40]  This is why we in debt right now.
[01:15:41]  Who are you debt?
[01:15:42]  Who are you?
[01:15:43]  We.
[01:15:43]  We is in debt.
[01:15:45]  We are in crypto debt.
[01:15:46]  I'm looking at my crypto and I'm like, fuck.
[01:15:48]  Wait, hang on a second.
[01:15:49]  How come when we were up, it was you that was up?
[01:15:51]  And then now that we're down, it's we that's down.
[01:15:53]  I've never free all the money.
[01:15:56]  We are in debt right here.
[01:15:57]  Y'all are fine because it is Woman's Empowerment Month.
[01:16:02]  I believe it's Women's Empowerment Month.
[01:16:03]  We bring on maybe the most powerful woman in the galaxy.
[01:16:07]  Some might say, I'm incredibly excited.
[01:16:10]  Everybody, right now, I wonder who it is.
[01:16:12]  For Gal Godot, everybody, Wonder Woman is here.
[01:16:18]  Wonder woman.
[01:16:20]  Yeah.
[01:16:22]  Wonder Woman.
[01:16:22]  Thank you so much for coming.
[01:16:24]  Wow.
[01:16:24]  Wow.
[01:16:25]  Have a seat, Wonder Woman.
[01:16:27]  Wow.
[01:16:28]  Okay.
[01:16:28]  There's your mic.
[01:16:29]  It's good to be a woman.
[01:16:30]  Oh, man.
[01:16:31]  I bet it is.
[01:16:32]  It is so nice to have you here.
[01:16:33]  First of all, I mean, thank you for making the time during this month, especially.
[01:16:36]  You got to be aware of it.
[01:16:37]  Well, it is all about women's empowerment.
[01:16:38]  It absolutely is.
[01:16:39]  You are even more beautiful in person, I must say.
[01:16:42]  The natural beauty.
[01:16:43]  It is a natural beauty.
[01:16:44]  Oh, I am a Princess Diana.
[01:16:47]  Amazon Beauty.
[01:16:48]  You are, yes.
[01:16:49]  I just pulse out feminine energy.
[01:16:52]  Non-stop.
[01:16:53]  I mean, is that what the look at that?
[01:16:55]  Oh, God.
[01:16:55]  Oh, God.
[01:16:56]  That's angel.
[01:16:57]  Don't use the weapons out here.
[01:16:59]  This is a little crozy.
[01:17:01]  Yeah.
[01:17:02]  Able to sit Wonder Woman's left.
[01:17:05]  How about that clip sticking out of here?
[01:17:06]  Yep.
[01:17:08]  Wait a minute.
[01:17:08]  Oh, what's it?
[01:17:09]  Oh, you know, women have penises.
[01:17:11]  They do.
[01:17:12]  That's what they say on the news.
[01:17:13]  Listen, you are so woke, Wonder Woman.
[01:17:15]  Yeah.
[01:17:15]  You are so woke.
[01:17:16]  This is why that?
[01:17:17]  Yeah, that's.
[01:17:19]  What?
[01:17:20]  That's not tinfoil or anything?
[01:17:22]  No.
[01:17:23]  What is that?
[01:17:23]  That is.
[01:17:24]  I'm Wonder Woman.
[01:17:25]  I'm Wonder.
[01:17:27]  Let's just hide that for a bit.
[01:17:28]  Just push that down here.
[01:17:30]  It is weird.
[01:17:31]  Gender reassignment.
[01:17:31]  Like a little surgery.
[01:17:34]  Yeah, you're not a woke Wonder Woman unless you're like, well, maybe, maybe I'm not going to get rid of it yet.
[01:17:38]  Yeah, you got to have a little of both.
[01:17:39]  You're special.
[01:17:39]  You're a super powerful.
[01:17:40]  I'm a wonderful woman.
[01:17:41]  You also have a little bit more facial hair than I've seen in the movies.
[01:17:45]  I don't know what's going on.
[01:17:46]  Well, that's the thing with the cameras.
[01:17:48]  They soften my voice up a little bit.
[01:17:51]  I don't want to trip my face hair.
[01:17:52]  That's what a woman has.
[01:17:53]  Yeah.
[01:17:53]  So I'm natural.
[01:17:55]  But then they use the CGI to take it out.
[01:17:57]  Yeah.
[01:17:58]  Well, we're CGI free.
[01:18:00]  I don't look as good as I look on TV.
[01:18:01]  No, I'm not making you.
[01:18:02]  You see how big my movie was?
[01:18:03]  I did.
[01:18:04]  I'm not objectifying you in any way.
[01:18:05]  Oh, I saved the world in 1984?
[01:18:07]  Yes, you did.
[01:18:08]  You saved it in 1984.
[01:18:12]  I'll identify as a woman if you'd like.
[01:18:14]  So your parents will accept.
[01:18:15]  He's actually getting married.
[01:18:16]  I am actually getting married.
[01:18:17]  He wanted you to do the vows if you were available.
[01:18:18]  I will do it.
[01:18:19]  Yeah.
[01:18:19]  Yeah.
[01:18:20]  I've stalked you guys online.
[01:18:22]  I know about your girlfriend.
[01:18:23]  Okay.
[01:18:25]  You could take that shirt off if you want, Alex.
[01:18:27]  Yo, just go, you could go for the shit.
[01:18:28]  I see you sweating.
[01:18:29]  Just go.
[01:18:31]  Just go.
[01:18:33]  Take it.
[01:18:34]  Oh, take it.
[01:18:35]  Oh, take it.
[01:18:38]  You guys want to see this woman's beautiful body?
[01:18:40]  Yeah.
[01:18:40]  Yeah!
[01:18:41]  Show them fuckin' heavies! Heavies! Heavies! Heavies! Heavies! Heavies! Heavies! Heavies! Heavies! Heavies!
[01:18:52]  Let's go, bruh!
[01:18:55]  What are you doing, dude?
[01:18:59]  Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
[01:19:03]  Oh, shit!
[01:19:05]  Come on, guys!
[01:19:06]  Give it up for Burt Kreischer!
[01:19:09]  I'm a woman!
[01:19:10]  Burn! Burn!
[01:19:13]  You call him Bert Chris actor?
[01:19:15]  Bert Christis actor.
[01:19:17]  I wish I said Bert Christ.
[01:19:22]  Bert Chrysis actor would have been sick.
[01:19:23]  Bro, we out here, Alex.
[01:19:25]  I got to edit some of that in later when you were you wrapping me in the chip.
[01:19:29]  Oh, we got the whole thing.
[01:19:30]  I gave you a beautiful bikini.
[01:19:31]  Yeah.
[01:19:32]  Bro, you got a nice little bulge, Al?
[01:19:35]  Dude, you got a nice pecker.
[01:19:37]  I have the largest micro penis in North America.
[01:19:42]  No, women get blown away by it.
[01:19:46]  It looks like a grub worm with ear muscles.
[01:19:48]  You've seen, but you've seen like, like, like, like, seriously, like those little balloons you're about in the story get really big.
[01:19:56]  Yeah, that's me.
[01:19:57]  So you, you're a grower.
[01:19:59]  Man, women go, they go, this is a trick dick.
[01:20:03]  And then, like, 10 minutes later, they're like, this hurts.
[01:20:05]  I got a trick dick.
[01:20:07]  So it starts out small and then surprises them later on.
[01:20:10]  It's like a turtle head.
[01:20:10]  It goes in.
[01:20:11]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:20:11]  Actually, it goes in.
[01:20:12]  Yeah.
[01:20:13]  So I thought, you know, then it comes out.
[01:20:15]  Uh-huh.
[01:20:15]  Like an alien.
[01:20:17]  Yeah, the little mouth inside the mouth.
[01:20:18]  Yeah.
[01:20:18]  Are you circumcised?
[01:20:19]  Huh?
[01:20:20]  Are you circumcised?
[01:20:20]  Yes, I am.
[01:20:21]  That's my boy.
[01:20:22]  That was the first one.
[01:20:23]  I'm going to pull the pink bee out.
[01:20:24]  No, don't pull it out.
[01:20:26]  We've already identified.

=== Epstein and Logan Paul Talk (03:41) ===

[01:20:27]  He's not circumcised.
[01:20:28]  That guy right there.
[01:20:30]  Ladies like that.
[01:20:31]  Do they?
[01:20:32]  Do they?
[01:20:33]  Why do they like it?
[01:20:34]  I don't know.
[01:20:36]  Here's the deal, though.
[01:20:37]  I like put down some of those cultures that mutilate their girls stuff.
[01:20:42]  And I think that's wrong.
[01:20:43]  So the people say, hey, what about you?
[01:20:44]  I think it really.
[01:20:45]  How do you...
[01:20:46]  The dick has been mutilated.
[01:20:47]  How do you make the choice for a boy to have a large portion of their dingoing cut off?
[01:20:51]  I think it's kind of wrong.
[01:20:53]  It is wrong.
[01:20:53]  And we never get any sympathy for it.
[01:20:55]  Matter of fact, we get criticized if our dicks aren't circumcised.
[01:20:58]  Some women are upset.
[01:20:59]  They think it's gross.
[01:21:00]  Let's talk about this.
[01:21:01]  We're shamed for our bodies, Alex.
[01:21:03]  It's all kind of dove.
[01:21:04]  Because it does.
[01:21:05]  Doves people.
[01:21:07]  Doves people decided what dicks look like.
[01:21:10]  How about this?
[01:21:11]  Why do we call it, Alex?
[01:21:12]  Why do we call it uncircumcised?
[01:21:14]  Why don't we just call it penis uncut?
[01:21:18]  No, just penis.
[01:21:19]  It's like the uncut version of a film.
[01:21:21]  Yeah, but you just call that the director's cut.
[01:21:23]  Yeah, it's a director's cut.
[01:21:25]  There's the film, and then I didn't think about that.
[01:21:27]  Oh, my gosh.
[01:21:28]  It's anti-Semitic if I criticize.
[01:21:32]  Okay.
[01:21:33]  Hold on.
[01:21:34]  Hold on now.
[01:21:35]  I'm all for circumcision.
[01:21:36]  I'm going to be four.
[01:21:37]  I'm out of here.
[01:21:38]  Yeah.
[01:21:38]  Yeah.
[01:21:39]  You're all for circumcision of boys, not girls.
[01:21:41]  But what's up with the Middle East trying to cut stuff off?
[01:21:43]  You know, we don't ever want to lower the age below 18.
[01:21:47]  No, are these handpads I'm supposed to hit?
[01:21:50]  I mean, if you want to beat him.
[01:21:51]  You're supposed to get mad?
[01:21:53]  He might be mad.
[01:21:54]  Oh, no.
[01:21:55]  Oh, he's getting angry.
[01:21:57]  Hold on.
[01:21:58]  He's getting angry.
[01:22:10]  Hold on.
[01:22:11]  You challenged Logan?
[01:22:12]  Yeah.
[01:22:13]  You called both and Jake together?
[01:22:15]  Would you beat them up together?
[01:22:16]  And Mike Tyson at the same time.
[01:22:18]  Okay.
[01:22:21]  You can all their ass every year.
[01:22:23]  Oh, my gosh.
[01:22:24]  Get the mic out to him.
[01:22:25]  Hold on.
[01:22:26]  Hold on a second.
[01:22:28]  Hold on.
[01:22:28]  So right now, I just want to make sure we have this on video.
[01:22:32]  You're declaring that you would take out both of the Paul brothers.
[01:22:36]  I'm telling both the Paul brothers, if you don't get in the ring of me at the same time, you're with Jeffrey Epstein.
[01:22:41]  And I'm going to steal your hat.
[01:22:42]  Let me see what you do.
[01:22:43]  Take this, Logan Paul.
[01:22:47]  Jeffrey Epstein, fuck you, Aster.
[01:22:51]  Oh, shit.
[01:23:00]  Show them the mitts.
[01:23:00]  Show the mitts.
[01:23:04]  Show Epstein, daughter.
[01:23:17]  The chair is broken.
[01:23:23]  I'm sorry.
[01:23:33]  You have five seconds to get up.
[01:23:34]  Five, four, three, two.
[01:23:38]  He's still going.
[01:23:42]  Can't be stopped.
[01:23:44]  You can't be stopped.
[01:23:45]  Get in there.
[01:23:46]  Take those gloves off him.
[01:23:47]  He's getting too riled up.
[01:23:48]  Oh, no, no, he looks good.
[01:23:50]  Just beat Jake Paul in Logan Paul.
[01:23:53]  Yeah.
[01:23:55]  Woo!
[01:23:56]  That right there.
[01:23:57]  That right there is Alex Jones, the future world champion of boxing and the conqueror of all penops.
[01:24:05]  Dude, buddy.
[01:24:07]  Adrenochrome works.

=== Canadip CBD Boxing Promo (02:18) ===

[01:24:08]  That's what I get.
[01:24:08]  Yeah, that's what it is.
[01:24:10]  A guy came up to Vala yesterday, no, two days ago, while we were in Glorious Denver, and he goes, Vala, are you Vala?
[01:24:17]  And Vala goes, Yeah.
[01:24:18]  He goes, You're the guy that gets way more pussy than dumb.
[01:24:23]  So you're known for getting second most pussy.
[01:24:25]  Yeah, that's actually pretty good.
[01:24:26]  It is pretty good, though.
[01:24:27]  It's good.
[01:24:28]  Pass off the torch.
[01:24:29]  I just want quality now of what I really think.
[01:24:32]  Man, that sounds good.
[01:24:33]  It's been into quality.
[01:24:34]  But more than just looks.
[01:24:36]  What do you care about now?
[01:24:37]  Someone could bring a Shabbat.
[01:24:39]  Oh, you want Jew?
[01:24:41]  He's been fake wanting to date Jews for Jesus.
[01:24:44]  He's been saying since I met him.
[01:24:46]  I won Jewish.
[01:24:48]  Everywhere, Duv.
[01:24:49]  You're in Miami.
[01:24:50]  You're in New York.
[01:24:50]  You kind of sold a Jewish.
[01:24:52]  Walk up the block.
[01:24:53]  Roll a penny down the street.
[01:24:56]  What do you say?
[01:25:01]  Roll a penny down the street.
[01:25:16]  There'll be a fucking stampede of them.
[01:25:18]  Chasing after.
[01:25:20]  Chasing after.
[01:25:21]  Looking up Fifth Avenue like, is Simba's dad about to die?
[01:25:24]  Or is that a fucking nickel roll?
[01:25:27]  She's going to make a new Passover dude.
[01:25:32]  Oh, my God.
[01:25:32]  All right, guys, we're going to take a break from this best of episode because I got to tell you about Canadips, and I got to tell you about them right now.
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=== Smokeless Dip for Men (08:06) ===

[01:26:27]  Okay, make sure you use the promo code Flagrant.
[01:26:29]  If you remember when we did that episode with Shaw Up, we were out in the West Coast.
[01:26:34]  We were getting them dips in and we were getting a little saucy.
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[01:27:10]  Now let's get back to this best of episodes.
[01:27:13]  No, but you're about to be married, bro.
[01:27:15]  Are you nervous at all?
[01:27:16]  I'm just ready for it to be done, man.
[01:27:18]  Really?
[01:27:18]  It's just too much.
[01:27:19]  I'm sure I'll enjoy the day, but yeah, all the little shit that goes into it, especially Indian wedding is this function, that function, that function.
[01:27:25]  It's too much.
[01:27:26]  Son, can I?
[01:27:26]  I'll be honest with you, bro.
[01:27:27]  Like, I have this newfound respect for what Indians go through.
[01:27:31]  I want to see these dances.
[01:27:32]  I got to see him do it.
[01:27:34]  I'll go.
[01:27:35]  I think he's a better dancer than you.
[01:27:36]  And I'm a way better dancer.
[01:27:38]  I'm a fairly positive.
[01:27:40]  I'm a way better dancing.
[01:27:40]  I'm a fairly positive.
[01:27:41]  I'm a way better than that.
[01:27:42]  Dance right now.
[01:27:46]  You're threatening me with a good time.
[01:27:47]  What did he say?
[01:27:48]  I might not even come now.
[01:27:50]  Oh, no.
[01:27:50]  We don't got to pay for you anymore.
[01:27:51]  What do you got?
[01:27:52]  That plate is paid for already.
[01:27:53]  You fucking.
[01:27:54]  No, it ain't, bro.
[01:27:55]  No, it ain't.
[01:27:56]  Yeah.
[01:27:56]  We've also all sunk too much money on this shit, bro.
[01:27:58]  I just, I had to order the outfits.
[01:28:00]  Oh, yeah.
[01:28:00]  Did you get the shit?
[01:28:01]  Yeah.
[01:28:01]  How much?
[01:28:03]  300 bucks or something.
[01:28:04]  Did you rent or buy?
[01:28:05]  Rent.
[01:28:06]  You could rent.
[01:28:06]  Yeah, you could rent.
[01:28:07]  You know, you could rent your outfits.
[01:28:09]  I got yours made for the ceremony.
[01:28:10]  Then you just wear suits for the other two.
[01:28:12]  No, I'm wearing the whole shit the whole time.
[01:28:13]  All right, bet.
[01:28:14]  Is it going to be other people dressed stupid?
[01:28:16]  Yeah, me.
[01:28:17]  Yeah.
[01:28:18]  But all three.
[01:28:19]  I don't want to take attention away.
[01:28:20]  Is there a color I can't wear?
[01:28:21]  No, no, no.
[01:28:22]  Okay, because you know why?
[01:28:23]  Is there a color I can't wear?
[01:28:24]  Yeah.
[01:28:24]  Bride is wearing red.
[01:28:25]  That's tradition.
[01:28:26]  But I think if I'm dressing like Justin Trudeau.
[01:28:28]  Whoa, Red you can't wear?
[01:28:31]  I mean, don't come like head to toe red.
[01:28:32]  If you got a little red on the way and go, pink?
[01:28:35]  Can my girl wear pink?
[01:28:36]  Yeah, yeah, pink is fine.
[01:28:37]  What about like a reddish orange?
[01:28:38]  Yeah, you understand those are two different colors.
[01:28:41]  His eyes are going, bro.
[01:28:42]  His eyes are going to be.
[01:28:43]  I got astigmatism.
[01:28:44]  Yo, hold on.
[01:28:45]  I got an American wedding.
[01:28:46]  Can I wear silver?
[01:28:47]  Can I wear gray?
[01:28:48]  What's going on?
[01:28:49]  Gray is close.
[01:28:50]  You got to be careful.
[01:28:51]  Like, you don't want to be the person wearing the same color as the bride.
[01:28:54]  Also, I'm going to be coming through fly.
[01:28:56]  I don't want to pull attention away from your girl.
[01:28:58]  So nobody's going to be looking at it.
[01:28:59]  That's true.
[01:28:59]  That's true.
[01:29:00]  The way I look, nobody's going to be looking.
[01:29:01]  They're going to think I'm Ashwari Ara.
[01:29:05]  What did you?
[01:29:05]  What did you say?
[01:29:06]  You never got that sandwich at cats, the Ashwario Rai.
[01:29:11]  You actually pronounced it really well.
[01:29:12]  Ashwari Rai.
[01:29:13]  That's really good.
[01:29:14]  That's the greatest Bollywood actress of all time.
[01:29:17]  She's a super bad.
[01:29:18]  Just so just pretty though.
[01:29:20]  She's getting her shit split by some guy with stank armpits.
[01:29:23]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:29:26]  Yo, so we're going to rent outfits for the rest of the time if I want to go full cloak and shit.
[01:29:32]  Right.
[01:29:32]  Okay.
[01:29:33]  But I just want to make sure.
[01:29:34]  I want to make sure.
[01:29:38]  Mark said they just like AI on draft day with the oversized teeth.
[01:29:45]  Yeah, Why are the shorts so long?
[01:29:47]  I don't know.
[01:29:48]  Soldier boy.
[01:29:49]  Soldier Boy is the first Indian.
[01:29:50]  That's a good point.
[01:29:50]  No, Soulji Blue.
[01:29:51]  Soldier's the first person to do Indian wedding.
[01:29:54]  I think Soldier Boy is the first person to wear it.
[01:29:56]  He invented Indian weddings.
[01:29:56]  He did invent Indian weddings, bro.
[01:29:58]  He's the first person.
[01:29:59]  But do we, do we, can we wear that for the other days as well?
[01:30:02]  Or do we do it?
[01:30:02]  Go suit?
[01:30:03]  No, you can wear whatever you want.
[01:30:04]  I mean, not whatever you want.
[01:30:05]  I don't want to be the only person dressed like that.
[01:30:07]  I'm not going to be able to do that.
[01:30:07]  I'm going to be wearing Indian clothes.
[01:30:10]  I'm going to be wearing Indian clothes every time.
[01:30:11]  But how many others will be dressed like that?
[01:30:14]  I don't know.
[01:30:15]  I can't answer that.
[01:30:16]  But it'd be other people there for sure.
[01:30:17]  10.
[01:30:17]  I got you.
[01:30:18]  20.
[01:30:18]  I got you.
[01:30:19]  Sure.
[01:30:19]  Okay.
[01:30:20]  Mark, are you dressing in the stupid outfit too?
[01:30:23]  Okay.
[01:30:23]  Hold on.
[01:30:24]  And I'm wearing a pug.
[01:30:26]  Oh, really?
[01:30:26]  Whole time?
[01:30:27]  You give us that.
[01:30:28]  Do you guys want to get him tied Saturday morning?
[01:30:30]  Son, it's a 6 a.m.
[01:30:32]  I got to get a fucking outfit.
[01:30:33]  6 a.m., he said, between 6 and 7.
[01:30:36]  Don't give me between.
[01:30:37]  You wake up at 6 every day.
[01:30:38]  8 p.m., Finn.
[01:30:39]  What?
[01:30:40]  You wake up at 6 a.m. every day.
[01:30:41]  7 a.m. I wake up.
[01:30:42]  Oh, so I can bring my own.
[01:30:44]  If I don't come to this.
[01:30:46]  They don't got a clip-on pug, Son.
[01:30:48]  They don't got some shit I could just boom and a quarter.
[01:30:50]  Bring your own.
[01:30:51]  Go ahead and try to tie that.
[01:30:52]  You can't get a pug in New Era.
[01:30:54]  How long would it take you to tie that shit?
[01:30:55]  Somebody's tying it for us.
[01:30:57]  Yeah, how long?
[01:30:57]  Why don't they tie it beforehand and we just put it all in?
[01:31:00]  Oh, I'm 50.
[01:31:02]  I have a ticket.
[01:31:02]  Seven and a quarter.
[01:31:03]  I've had a tie and you take it off and then you put it right back on and tie it up.
[01:31:07]  Or you could just ratchet at the back like I do with my bike helmet.
[01:31:09]  Click, You just make it a little loose so you can just pop it right off and pop it on.
[01:31:13]  Son, why are we not?
[01:31:14]  You're going to be dancing.
[01:31:14]  That shit could fall off your head.
[01:31:15]  You're going to look fucking stupid.
[01:31:16]  Nick Cannon gets a tie every day.
[01:31:18]  Thank you.
[01:31:18]  Every day.
[01:31:19]  I don't care what Nick Cannon does.
[01:31:20]  Thank you.
[01:31:21]  Zipper.
[01:31:21]  He's got a zipper in the back.
[01:31:23]  I'm going to just YouTube that shit right before.
[01:31:26]  Do we use our own material?
[01:31:28]  Not really.
[01:31:30]  I guess cloth.
[01:31:31]  Do we have to wear it for the whole time?
[01:31:33]  No.
[01:31:34]  Cloth.
[01:31:36]  Wipe out of trash bag.
[01:31:39]  Unbelievable.
[01:31:39]  The fact he could make fun of me about these mistakes.
[01:31:43]  You don't even know the material at all.
[01:31:44]  I guess you can't use cloth.
[01:31:46]  Thought about it.
[01:31:47]  Yeah, yeah, cloth.
[01:31:48]  I guess you use galaxy.
[01:31:49]  Cloth ain't even a material.
[01:31:51]  Right?
[01:31:51]  Cloth is a thing.
[01:31:52]  It's not a material.
[01:31:53]  What's the matter with you?
[01:31:54]  That's not a material.
[01:31:55]  Cloth is a material.
[01:31:56]  You don't got a shit made out of cloth.
[01:31:57]  There's silk cloth.
[01:31:58]  There's wool cloth.
[01:31:59]  There's cotton cloth.
[01:32:00]  Cloth is a cloth.
[01:32:02]  Say what?
[01:32:03]  Any of them cloths?
[01:32:04]  I just don't understand why you're so upset at us embracing your culture.
[01:32:07]  What if I come in with an animal?
[01:32:08]  What if I bring an animal?
[01:32:09]  Which animal?
[01:32:11]  What if I bring a really exciting one?
[01:32:12]  Like what?
[01:32:13]  Orangutan?
[01:32:16]  He also has outfit.
[01:32:18]  It's going to be in an outfit and everything.
[01:32:20]  If I bring an orangutan.
[01:32:21]  Yeah.
[01:32:21]  You know, speaking sign language and all that shit.
[01:32:23]  That'd be fire.
[01:32:24]  That'd be good.
[01:32:24]  David, David.
[01:32:27]  That'd be fire.
[01:32:28]  Bring an orangutan.
[01:32:29]  But we're not going to say anything offensive.
[01:32:30]  We're not going to do anything offensive.
[01:32:31]  Because they're orange and you guys will dye your beards and shit orange and shit like that.
[01:32:34]  So he's going to fit in perfectly.
[01:32:35]  Yeah.
[01:32:36]  Master Day was like, holy, it'd be awful.
[01:32:42]  Yo, why can't we bring animals to the wedding?
[01:32:44]  Why is this concerning you?
[01:32:46]  Bring an animal.
[01:32:47]  Say what?
[01:32:47]  Bring an animal.
[01:32:48]  Can I bring more than one?
[01:32:50]  Sure.
[01:32:51]  I'm going to bring another animal, too.
[01:32:52]  Which one?
[01:32:53]  Hawk.
[01:32:55]  With the glove.
[01:32:56]  I bet.
[01:32:57]  Bring a hawk.
[01:32:58]  Hawk is fire.
[01:32:59]  Bring a hawk.
[01:32:59]  I am going to bring a hawk.
[01:33:00]  I prefer a hawk to orangutan if I had to choose.
[01:33:02]  No, I'm bringing an orangutan and I'm going to bring a hawk.
[01:33:04]  Holding one in one hand.
[01:33:05]  One hand in one hand, one hand in the other.
[01:33:07]  And I'm showing up to that wedding.
[01:33:08]  All right, bet.
[01:33:09]  Okay, and it's going to be really good.
[01:33:10]  I like these.
[01:33:11]  And we're going to put a turban on a hawk.
[01:33:14]  It's only respectful.
[01:33:15]  Say what?
[01:33:15]  It's only respectful.
[01:33:16]  It is.
[01:33:17]  And my orangutan will be Hindu and my hawk will be Punjabi.
[01:33:19]  And heels and a binti.
[01:33:21]  And they're both, and it's going to be that.
[01:33:22]  Heels and a bindi, I believe, for Mark.
[01:33:24]  100%.
[01:33:25]  Mark is a good idea.
[01:33:26]  Can I wear the nose ring with the chain?
[01:33:28]  Yeah.
[01:33:28]  Which I actually like.
[01:33:29]  That way you never lose the nose ring.
[01:33:31]  My God, that is such a fucking great idea because we should come dressed as 300.
[01:33:35]  You should dress as the Persians from 300.
[01:33:38]  And that would be a phenomenal way to make our entrance to your wedding.
[01:33:42]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:33:42]  And I think that people would appreciate it.
[01:33:44]  And we'll gallivant.
[01:33:46]  How would you gallivant?
[01:33:48]  How people do.
[01:33:50]  How people have gallivanted.
[01:33:51]  Not a crazy gallivant.
[01:33:53]  There's a mild gallivant.
[01:33:54]  He can't gallivant mildly.
[01:33:55]  No, more traditional.
[01:33:57]  I would say it's more traditional galivan.
[01:33:58]  What does a traditional gallivant look like?
[01:33:59]  Oh, you know, Orthodox Gallivan.
[01:34:01]  Yeah, it's super Orthodox, bro.
[01:34:03]  Like, come on, though.
[01:34:04]  Like, you know, we, I mean, we're going to modernize it a little bit.
[01:34:06]  It's a modern Orthodox Gallivan.
[01:34:08]  Yeah, pretty much.
[01:34:09]  What does that look like?
[01:34:10]  Listen, I mean, like, I could describe things that are obvious, but, like, two plus two equals four.
[01:34:14]  Like, you know what a modern Orthodox Gallivan is going to look like.
[01:34:16]  All I'm trying to say is that we're going to go to your wedding.
[01:34:20]  With the nose ring, with the chain attached to my wallet.
[01:34:22]  No.
[01:34:28]  I'm going to look like Big J Oakers.
[01:34:30]  Yeah, you're gonna look like a hot topic.

=== Wedding Outfit Nose Ring Chaos (14:54) ===

[01:34:33]  Then we're gonna go there.
[01:34:35]  Shane, attach the nose into the wallet, okay?
[01:34:38]  We're all gonna be dressed up in outfits.
[01:34:39]  Can I pretend to steal bread and then they chase me through the way?
[01:34:42]  Morning's gonna head of the bread.
[01:34:54]  Can he jump through an awning?
[01:34:58]  The awning will save me.
[01:34:59]  I'll jump down.
[01:35:02]  The awning will save me.
[01:35:04]  I'll jump down.
[01:35:05]  I'll jump down.
[01:35:06]  The audience will save me.
[01:35:07]  And then Alex and Mark will be running after me like super angry and like, oh, where'd he go?
[01:35:12]  And I'll like hide inside of a pot and then I'll like pop out and look at the ball.
[01:35:16]  And then, yeah, you guys running, bang each other.
[01:35:18]  Yeah, that's good.
[01:35:18]  Keep going on that one.
[01:35:19]  You guys running each other, banging each other's head.
[01:35:21]  And you're going to jump on an awning.
[01:35:22]  You're going to jump to another one and jump on another one and jump back to the catching banana.
[01:35:25]  I'm singing Riff Raph, Street Rat, Scoundrel.
[01:35:28]  Take that.
[01:35:30]  Trust him little thing.
[01:35:34]  Rip it open.
[01:35:36]  Take it back.
[01:35:38]  Got to take a niche.
[01:35:39]  Got to take a chance.
[01:35:40]  Tell you all about it when I got it.
[01:35:42]  That's time.
[01:35:42]  This motherfucker knows every word to the chance.
[01:35:45]  How's it going?
[01:35:46]  What's that?
[01:35:46]  Aladdin's at the bottom.
[01:35:49]  He's beating the little one.
[01:35:52]  That's the whistle, right?
[01:35:56]  How's it going?
[01:35:58]  I'm sorry.
[01:35:58]  Gotta eat to live.
[01:35:59]  Gotta steal to eat.
[01:36:00]  Tell you all about it when I got the time.
[01:36:02]  Yeah.
[01:36:02]  Probably missed something.
[01:36:03]  I was really asking legitimate questions.
[01:36:05]  These guys are just assholes.
[01:36:06]  No, we do not.
[01:36:08]  All legitimate questions.
[01:36:10]  All legitimate questions.
[01:36:11]  I think that that's legitimate.
[01:36:12]  Yeah.
[01:36:13]  I think that we should play that.
[01:36:14]  I think that's a game we should play.
[01:37:38]  Asshole army.
[01:37:40]  What's up, everybody?
[01:37:42]  Welcome.
[01:37:43]  You thought, you thought you were going to miss the wedding of the century.
[01:37:47]  You thought you were going to miss the celebration of the century.
[01:37:50]  You thought that you were going to be here for it, but we brought it to you.
[01:37:54]  We always got your back.
[01:37:55]  Oh, my God.
[01:37:55]  I'm out of breath.
[01:37:56]  I'm so tired.
[01:37:57]  Officially married Akash Sing over the weekend.
[01:38:02]  Oh my God.
[01:38:03]  Navdeep was the drummer at your wedding.
[01:38:07]  Yeah, dole player.
[01:38:09]  What's it called?
[01:38:10]  Dole player.
[01:38:10]  Dole player.
[01:38:11]  He was the dole player at the wedding.
[01:38:13]  I'm fucking exhausted.
[01:38:14]  I'm like, God.
[01:38:15]  I couldn't believe I had to do that again.
[01:38:17]  Holy shit.
[01:38:19]  So if you were wondering who won the Flagrant Editor contest, it's Miles.
[01:38:24]  That being said, we do have Vala.
[01:38:26]  From the same time.
[01:38:27]  From the same competition, right?
[01:38:29]  And Shifty.
[01:38:30]  Well, get there.
[01:38:31]  We'll get there.
[01:38:32]  We'll get there, right?
[01:38:33]  So we have Vala from the same, we have, we have Valo from the same competition.
[01:38:37]  Valo's one of the people that was submitting an absolutely amazing content.
[01:38:41]  So now we've picked up Val.
[01:38:42]  Valo's on the team right now, right?
[01:38:44]  We're looking for someone to help us out this summer.
[01:38:47]  We obviously got the big tour this summer.
[01:38:48]  So we're like, who else was submitting for the video contest for the editing contest?
[01:38:54]  There was this kid, Shifty, right?
[01:38:57]  That we thought was absolutely amazing.
[01:38:59]  Okay.
[01:39:00]  And we're like, let's see what he's doing this summer.
[01:39:03]  Okay.
[01:39:03]  He was already doing some videos for us.
[01:39:05]  He was always doing some videos for WTF Media Studios.
[01:39:08]  We're always sending him like brilliant idiots clips and that kind of stuff.
[01:39:10]  Maybe he'll move out here this summer.
[01:39:12]  So we hit him up.
[01:39:12]  We're like, kid, you're fucking great.
[01:39:14]  How old are you?
[01:39:14]  He's like, I'm 18 years old.
[01:39:15]  I just graduated high school.
[01:39:17]  Amazing.
[01:39:18]  Okay.
[01:39:19]  Tells me this story that I thought was really cool.
[01:39:22]  He's working at fucking Home Depot, right?
[01:39:25]  Says to his boss at Home Depot.
[01:39:27]  He goes, what do you want out of this?
[01:39:28]  What are you trying to do?
[01:39:29]  What are you going to do?
[01:39:29]  He goes, well, honestly, I'd really love to work for Schultz Studios.
[01:39:32]  That's like my dream.
[01:39:33]  And his boss at Home Depot goes, yeah, there's no way that'll ever happen.
[01:39:38]  Why don't you be a little more realistic?
[01:39:40]  Blah, blah, blah.
[01:39:40]  Out of a fucking high school movie.
[01:39:42]  Yeah.
[01:39:42]  Right.
[01:39:44]  And then last week, he gets to walk into his boss's office and quit saying he's going to work for Schultz Studios.
[01:39:49]  Moves across the country.
[01:39:50]  That's fine.
[01:39:51]  Comes here.
[01:39:52]  Now, we know he's coming.
[01:39:54]  A week before he comes, fucking idiot Miles, Miles Gosling, goes, hey, guys, I just want to give you some useless piece of information.
[01:40:04]  Guys, have I given you some useless information yet?
[01:40:07]  Hey, guys.
[01:40:07]  So, guys, are you familiar with Shifty's sexuality?
[01:40:13]  We go, no, why would we be familiar with sexuality?
[01:40:18]  He goes, oh, well, I think he might be gay.
[01:40:22]  We go, well, why would you think he's gay?
[01:40:24]  Like, you talk to him or something like that?
[01:40:25]  He goes, he goes, no, he posted something on his story.
[01:40:28]  There was like an image of like a pro LGBT bi.
[01:40:33]  He was like, pro bi.
[01:40:34]  Like, I've never seen anybody pro bi, but he was like, pro bi, right?
[01:40:37]  Or something like that.
[01:40:38]  And we're like, well, fuck.
[01:40:39]  Well, if he's pro-bi, he's got to be gay, I guess.
[01:40:41]  Okay.
[01:40:42]  So he goes, well, I just wanted to let you guys know that and make sure everything's good.
[01:40:45]  Yeah.
[01:40:45]  And we're like, yeah, well, we don't care, but you know, whatever.
[01:40:47]  We were some wild boys who say a lot of words.
[01:40:50]  And, you know, we'll just make sure he's comfy with it.
[01:40:52]  So all of a sudden, the fucking avalanche begins.
[01:40:54]  Miles brings me aside.
[01:40:56]  He goes, bro, he's young as a new generation.
[01:40:59]  Like they're a little bit more sensitive with like words and ideas.
[01:41:02]  Maybe you want to like pull him aside and kind of like talk to him and like just make sure that he's comfortable when he comes here.
[01:41:07]  And I'm like, I ain't, I guess.
[01:41:09]  I mean, like, he's just going to hear it and then get comfortable here.
[01:41:11]  He's not going to get comfortable.
[01:41:12]  Dove comes up and he goes, I think we should have him sign an NDA.
[01:41:17]  He says, dude, if anything goes south here, I don't want it to get back on us.
[01:41:20]  You know, he's a young kid.
[01:41:21]  It's a new generation.
[01:41:22]  They don't like any words.
[01:41:23]  He probably doesn't even have his pronouns.
[01:41:25]  They're in his body.
[01:41:26]  Everybody's fucking spiraling, right?
[01:41:28]  Come back to Miles.
[01:41:29]  Miles like, I'm going to pick him up at the airport just in case there's any gay hate out there or something like that.
[01:41:33]  We just want to make sure that he gets to the point.
[01:41:35]  We thought the Prowboys were going to come several months or so.
[01:41:37]  We're just waiting for Shifty at that point.
[01:41:38]  Another gay moving to New York will put a stop to a nap.
[01:41:41]  Right?
[01:41:42]  So meanwhile, the whole time, Al is just like, can we still say the word we like to say?
[01:41:47]  That's a fact.
[01:41:49]  How do we get around this, right?
[01:41:51]  So that's a fact.
[01:41:55]  90s Al was having problems.
[01:41:58]  We're sitting around.
[01:41:59]  The kid comes in, super sweet kid, right?
[01:42:02]  Sits down, right?
[01:42:03]  We're all hanging out, right?
[01:42:04]  All of us are around the table waiting for me to ask.
[01:42:09]  Also doing the gayest activity ever, watching soccer.
[01:42:11]  We're watching soccer.
[01:42:12]  Yeah, trying to trick him.
[01:42:13]  Trying to trick him.
[01:42:14]  See if he was really into it, right?
[01:42:16]  Wasn't falling for the bait.
[01:42:18]  So we're sitting there and we're just trying to have a conversation.
[01:42:20]  And we're just like, yeah, so what's up?
[01:42:21]  Like, how's everything going?
[01:42:22]  And like, Mark's got this shit in my head where I need to like make sure he's okay with bad words and shit like that, right?
[01:42:28]  So I'm like, yo, I just want to let you know, like, we're some wild boys over here.
[01:42:32]  Right.
[01:42:32]  And I realize now, like, that sounds super.
[01:42:39]  We're so wild boy.
[01:42:40]  Like, you might get your dick sucked working out.
[01:42:42]  You know what I mean?
[01:42:43]  Tell your cousin, though, if you're looking for it.
[01:42:46]  But so we're like, no, I'm just like, yo, we're some wild boys.
[01:42:48]  Like, you know, we say like crazy shit.
[01:42:50]  Like, you listen to a podcast.
[01:42:51]  He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:42:52]  And then he says this to me.
[01:42:53]  He goes, I noticed there's like one word you don't say.
[01:42:56]  And then we're like, like, what do you mean?
[01:42:58]  He goes, well, yeah, you bleep the, you know, maggot with an F.
[01:43:02]  And I go, well, yeah, you know, we don't, you know, yeah, we don't like saying, you know, I mean, like, you get settled for that word.
[01:43:09]  You think he's being like, what's that awesome?
[01:43:12]  So he's like, yeah, but like, you don't bleep the N-word.
[01:43:14]  And we're like, well, only Al says it.
[01:43:16]  He's allowed to say it.
[01:43:16]  And then he goes, well, if there was a gay person here, like, would you feel more comfortable saying that word?
[01:43:20]  Oh, my God.
[01:43:21]  We're all licking our lips.
[01:43:23]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:43:25]  I'm facing away, but the moment he breaks this up, I go, he's like on the school bus, bro.
[01:43:32]  I'm just staring at Andrew.
[01:43:33]  Just, you know, like, oh, yeah, it's coming.
[01:43:36]  I'm locked in, right?
[01:43:37]  I don't know where to go.
[01:43:37]  I'm like, is he fucking with me right now?
[01:43:39]  Is he trying to go over the top?
[01:43:41]  Like, is he going over the top?
[01:43:43]  And then, like, as a way to get me super comfortable, because he's going to prove how comfortable he is with it.
[01:43:47]  Right.
[01:43:48]  You know, some kind of crazy shit.
[01:43:49]  I don't know what's going on, but it's next level psychological warfare that Gen Z is aware of.
[01:43:53]  But us boomers are not.
[01:43:54]  Okay.
[01:43:55]  So I'm like, all right, how do I handle it?
[01:43:57]  I'm like, nah, you know, we just kind of wild.
[01:43:58]  Al's the wildest.
[01:43:59]  You know, I just want to let you know Al's racist, right?
[01:44:02]  So I'm starting to get into the area of hate.
[01:44:04]  Like, I was racist.
[01:44:05]  Like, so he make Mike make fun of your ass.
[01:44:06]  Like, what are you?
[01:44:07]  He's like, oh, I'm like a quarter Mexican.
[01:44:08]  I was like, oh, he's going to make fun of you.
[01:44:10]  And then we start piling on with the racism to get us, ease us into the door.
[01:44:14]  Yeah, open it, right?
[01:44:15]  Open the door.
[01:44:16]  Exactly.
[01:44:16]  And then we tease him.
[01:44:17]  We're like, hold on, you're a Mexican and you worked at Home Depot inside?
[01:44:20]  Like, good fucking jokes.
[01:44:23]  And Al's kind of laying it in and we're trying to get there.
[01:44:26]  We're trying to get there.
[01:44:26]  And it's just nothing's getting close.
[01:44:28]  So I just go, yo, it's going to be a crazy summer.
[01:44:30]  You know what I mean?
[01:44:30]  Girls about to go, wow, New York.
[01:44:32]  You got a girl and shit?
[01:44:34]  No, no.
[01:44:35]  We start teasing.
[01:44:36]  We start teasing Mark.
[01:44:37]  We go like, oh, Mark, you're not the youngest anymore.
[01:44:39]  Yeah.
[01:44:39]  You know what I mean?
[01:44:40]  And we're like, we're like, yeah, you know, you're about to steal all Mark's hoes because Mark can't get laid anymore.
[01:44:46]  And he goes, man, I just lost my virginity like three months ago.
[01:44:50]  And we're like, and then he goes, well, it depends what you count as virginity.
[01:44:53]  And I'm like, oh, no.
[01:44:54]  Yeah.
[01:44:57]  Because remember, we're thinking, bye.
[01:44:58]  You know what I mean?
[01:44:59]  So maybe you were pushing some pussies when you were younger, but now you're getting your shit pushed in at 18.
[01:45:05]  We don't know what the fuck is going on.
[01:45:08]  Right?
[01:45:08]  So, we're looking.
[01:45:14]  So I just go, fuck it, bro.
[01:45:15]  I just go, so, so, what, you got a girl or whatever?
[01:45:19]  And he goes, he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:45:21]  I'm like, how long you had your girl?
[01:45:22]  He goes, I've been with her for four years.
[01:45:24]  So I just go, hold on.
[01:45:26]  So you're not gay, yo?
[01:45:33]  He goes, no, why would you think I'm gay?
[01:45:39]  And then I doubled down because it still wasn't a good enough answer for me.
[01:45:42]  I was like, yo, did you lose your virginity to a guy or a girl?
[01:45:45]  I was getting super explicit.
[01:45:47]  I was like, make that shit clear, bro.
[01:45:50]  Like, what was it?
[01:45:51]  Be honest.
[01:45:52]  And he's looking at us mad, perplexing.
[01:45:54]  What the fuck?
[01:45:56]  This whole time, by the way, Dub is in the Brilliant Idiot studio on a business call on a Zoom call, right?
[01:46:01]  So he got no clue what's going on, right?
[01:46:03]  He don't know that he chipped he came out the closet, went back in in the same half hour, right?
[01:46:07]  Three or four times, right?
[01:46:09]  So we're not going.
[01:46:10]  We're going, Miles, why the fuck you think he's gay?
[01:46:11]  And then Miles was like the most woke, sweet, like liberal, like everybody all love.
[01:46:17]  He's like, why was he posting that gay shit on his Instagram?
[01:46:27]  Immediately, right?
[01:46:28]  Cut that homo shit out, son.
[01:46:31]  Being a homo for no reason on your Instagram story.
[01:46:35]  So, so we go, You stroll your night.
[01:46:37]  Yeah, yeah, bro.
[01:46:38]  I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about, right?
[01:46:39]  All right, so he's not gay, bro.
[01:46:41]  Tear up the NDA, you know, Dove pops his head out because he wants me to come on this business call with this guy that's trying to do some business.
[01:46:49]  Very important.
[01:46:50]  I think the call is done, right?
[01:46:52]  So I just go, Dove, Jifty's not a son, the door just slams shut.
[01:47:08]  That doesn't oh my god.
[01:47:12]  So, officially, we welcome Vala and Shifty to the team.
[01:47:18]  This is a hilarious video, y'all, in Amsterdam.
[01:47:20]  Oh, Andrew got high.
[01:47:22]  My gosh, so fucking funny.
[01:47:25]  The highest I've ever been was with Ricky.
[01:47:27]  Obviously, what happened?
[01:47:30]  So, I don't even smoke weed.
[01:47:31]  Do you remember the name of the play?
[01:47:32]  You're mentally.
[01:47:33]  No, Wolf Cop was what I started saying.
[01:47:37]  Oh, my God, that's crazy.
[01:47:40]  So, we're in Amsterdam for what?
[01:47:44]  Three hours?
[01:47:44]  Three hours.
[01:47:45]  Why are you in Amsterdam?
[01:47:46]  Okay, we're doing we got put on a tour through Caroline.
[01:47:49]  Okay, yeah, so let's set this whole thing up.
[01:47:50]  So, basically, let me get the lighter.
[01:47:53]  Basically, what happens is this: right, got it.
[01:47:56]  We basically do this New York comedy tour in Europe.
[01:48:00]  So, we get to perform in do you remember getting into the fight with all the kids from England like day two?
[01:48:06]  And they were like, There was no women on your tour.
[01:48:08]  And you're like, We didn't book it.
[01:48:10]  Oh, yeah.
[01:48:12]  And it's actually a very famous comedian now that likes.
[01:48:15]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:48:16]  It's who the only English guy everybody knows that's young.
[01:48:20]  Oh, really?
[01:48:21]  Yeah, it was him.
[01:48:23]  You really not gonna say his name?
[01:48:24]  I don't know it.
[01:48:25]  Oh, all right.
[01:48:26]  Well, how does he the only one?
[01:48:28]  Because he's funny, he's popping right now.
[01:48:30]  He's popping right now.
[01:48:31]  Really?
[01:48:31]  Yep, bro.
[01:48:32]  Ricky doesn't snitch.
[01:48:32]  I like that shit.
[01:48:33]  Anyway, I remember whenever that guy's a loser.
[01:48:37]  That guy's a shit.
[01:48:39]  I did that guy.
[01:48:40]  Dude, he was such a fucking loser, right?
[01:48:42]  He standing up for women.
[01:48:43]  Say what?
[01:48:44]  He was standing up for women.
[01:48:45]  Wasn't he?
[01:48:45]  No, he was attacking us because our strong show was stronger.
[01:48:48]  That's what was really happening.
[01:48:50]  We were having very, we were definitely the crazy toe.
[01:48:52]  Like, apart from that.
[01:48:53]  If you don't know, Ricky, he's a fucking murderer.
[01:48:55]  Like a fucking murderer on stage.
[01:49:00]  So we get to Europe for the European general.
[01:49:04]  Okay, go on.
[01:49:05]  We get to Europe for three hours.
[01:49:07]  And like, I'm somebody that's like, I don't like to miss it, but Andrew likes to just go and do shit without even talking to anybody.
[01:49:13]  Like, he's just like, we're leaving the airport.
[01:49:16]  Okay, find the cabinet.
[01:49:17]  We're doing a show in Amsterdam, by the way.
[01:49:19]  No, we're not.
[01:49:20]  We just stopped in Amsterdam and then we're going to other cities.
[01:49:23]  We're doing five different cities, right?
[01:49:24]  Yeah.
[01:49:25]  Which ones were they?
[01:49:26]  Do you remember?
[01:49:26]  I know we went to Iceland, it was wild.

=== Ricky the Murderer on Stage (05:29) ===

[01:49:28]  Awesome, sick.
[01:49:29]  Oh, man.
[01:49:30]  That we were in Norway when Soldier Boy came out with that song.
[01:49:36]  I bombed, bro.
[01:49:38]  Bombed in Norway.
[01:49:40]  No, that wasn't Norway.
[01:49:41]  That was where your boy was from in fucking Sweden, bro.
[01:49:44]  No, it was Stockholm.
[01:49:45]  I ate my dickhouse.
[01:49:48]  I knew there was something wrong with Stockholm.
[01:49:50]  The homies always get fucked up in Sydney, bro.
[01:49:52]  I feel you.
[01:49:54]  And he had his homie with us.
[01:49:56]  And I got off stage and he's like, yo, you don't talk about drugs here.
[01:50:00]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:50:00]  Like, I opened up being like, yo, I'm high.
[01:50:04]  And they were like, no, Like, they don't fuck with that.
[01:50:06]  It was like Andrew on a prom show.
[01:50:08]  Yeah, I just bombed.
[01:50:12]  I didn't see your set, but I just walked past you.
[01:50:15]  We ate bear that night.
[01:50:18]  What do you think?
[01:50:18]  We're playing it.
[01:50:19]  We ate bear that night.
[01:50:20]  That's a real fucking story, dude.
[01:50:22]  They served us bear.
[01:50:23]  Of course, it wasn't going to be a good show.
[01:50:25]  Belly full of bear, dude.
[01:50:27]  How the fuck am I smoking?
[01:50:28]  Bro, when you walk by me, dude, when you walk by, like, you know, the scene in the movie where, like, you're a ghost and the person doesn't see you, but you see them?
[01:50:37]  And you know, like, that's what I felt like the ghost.
[01:50:40]  This guy that we've been living together for like the last week, and he just walks right by me.
[01:50:44]  And I go, Ricky, is everything okay?
[01:50:46]  He goes, fuck, sweet.
[01:50:52]  I feel that.
[01:50:53]  So, first stop, we're we land in Amsterdam to go onto another plane, and Andrew's like, let's go, let's go.
[01:51:00]  We find a cab driver, right?
[01:51:02]  And the guy's just down to kick it with us for the all three hours.
[01:51:06]  We just say, take us to the closest coffee shop to the weed spot, which is a mistake because every airport's in a bad neighborhood.
[01:51:13]  Yeah, so we just in the hook.
[01:51:14]  I've been to Amsterdam.
[01:51:16]  I've seen like two black people the whole time I've ever been there.
[01:51:20]  We went to a place that was strictly black.
[01:51:23]  Just rockin'.
[01:51:25]  They weren't speaking any language we recognized.
[01:51:27]  It was impressive.
[01:51:28]  Dude, then they're telling me to take hash and put it behind my belt to bring it for the rest of the tour.
[01:51:32]  I'm like, dude, you guys are like, I'm not smuggling for you.
[01:51:37]  So we're like, give us your strongest shit.
[01:51:39]  No, no, no.
[01:51:40]  I said weakest.
[01:51:42]  You said strongest.
[01:51:45]  I said weakest.
[01:51:46]  I don't smoke weed.
[01:51:47]  So he gives us the treatment.
[01:51:49]  Andrew don't smoke weed, but Andrew rolls the illest joints in the world.
[01:51:52]  That's really crazy.
[01:51:53]  I do roll a good joint.
[01:51:55]  So they give us white lotus.
[01:51:58]  Remember this?
[01:51:58]  Is that the name of it?
[01:51:59]  White Lotus.
[01:52:00]  Before that was hot.
[01:52:02]  That was the one.
[01:52:03]  And you smoked it.
[01:52:05]  You were fine.
[01:52:06]  More than fine.
[01:52:06]  I smoked it.
[01:52:07]  And I thought I was going to be able to bring you back to the airport.
[01:52:10]  You did think that was going to happen?
[01:52:11]  Oh, no.
[01:52:11]  Do you remember what happened when we got back to the airport?
[01:52:14]  No, no, no.
[01:52:15]  So this dude's wild, bro.
[01:52:16]  He's smiling.
[01:52:17]  I'm sorry.
[01:52:19]  The leather jacket.
[01:52:21]  Do you remember the leather jacket?
[01:52:24]  So, first of all, I see a wolf poster, right?
[01:52:29]  And then all of a sudden, I hear a cop siren, right?
[01:52:34]  You're high brain.
[01:52:35]  So my eyebrow connects to you, and I go, I go, Ricky, the wolf cops are coming.
[01:52:43]  By the way, we've left our suitcases in this car with a man that we've never met before.
[01:52:49]  I'm on that white lotus, bro.
[01:52:50]  I'm on that white lotus.
[01:52:52]  The last video I saw is you laughing hysterically, talking about Wolf Copy, Wolf Cop.
[01:52:57]  And then the guy pulls up somewhere.
[01:52:59]  We just stop at a level.
[01:53:00]  And he turned, Andrew turns to his right, and there's a leather coat sitting on top of like a mailbox.
[01:53:06]  A mailbox.
[01:53:06]  But like placed there, like the mailbox has shoulders.
[01:53:09]  It was like put over it.
[01:53:11]  And I just look at it.
[01:53:12]  And you know, the wolf cops are chasing us.
[01:53:15]  And like, yeah, I just look at it, go, there's a leather jacket for no reason.
[01:53:22]  Do you still have that video?
[01:53:24]  I gotta find that.
[01:53:25]  It's so funny.
[01:53:26]  He sent it to me one day.
[01:53:28]  So funny.
[01:53:29]  That was unbelievably funny.
[01:53:32]  So much fun.
[01:53:33]  Then we get back to the airport, and I'm worried about him.
[01:53:35]  So I'm not even paying attention to myself.
[01:53:37]  I can control myself, but I don't know how Andrew's gonna get.
[01:53:40]  Oh, no, this was great.
[01:53:41]  This was great.
[01:53:43]  This is great.
[01:53:44]  I'm the high one, right?
[01:53:45]  I'm the one that's gonna fuck shit up at the airport.
[01:53:47]  I'm super high.
[01:53:48]  Okay, go.
[01:53:49]  So I'm like paying attention to Andrew and not myself.
[01:53:54]  And we start going through security, and I just forgot to take everything out of my pockets.
[01:54:00]  So I'm looking at Andrew.
[01:54:01]  He walks through smooth.
[01:54:03]  Then me, they don't just do it, like pat you down on the floor, bro.
[01:54:06]  They put you basically like in the air so everybody can watch you be like, like now I'm standing on like two milk crates doing the milk crate challenge and going to the airport.
[01:54:15]  You gotta understand, like, this is back when Ricky used to dress like Chris Angel.
[01:54:18]  Like everything on him, everything on him was metal.
[01:54:22]  He had like three, to be honest, you had like three necklaces.
[01:54:25]  You had like bracelets and all this kind of shit.
[01:54:28]  And you're in the machine.
[01:54:29]  It wasn't like a beeping thing.
[01:54:30]  It was like the machine where you throw the triangle up, right?
[01:54:32]  So he's in the machine, and they're looking at him crazy when he walks in the machine because he's got so much obvious.
[01:54:40]  And this shit just starts going.
[01:54:41]  And literally, the TSA is like, yo, what the fuck is wrong?
[01:54:44]  They're almost like, put me up on this pedestal thing and fucking started searching me.
[01:54:49]  And he's now on the other side, clear, laughing as fuck, like on the floor, laughing at me.
[01:54:55]  Dying.
[01:54:56]  Dying, bro.
[01:54:57]  Unbelievable trip.

=== Refinancing Student Debt Loops (04:34) ===

[01:54:58]  Oh, so good.
[01:54:59]  We recognize Taiwan though.
[01:55:01]  I'm going to go do a show in fucking Taiwan.
[01:55:03]  I don't care if you guys aren't going to come.
[01:55:05]  I don't care.
[01:55:07]  I'm not performing in China.
[01:55:08]  I'm performing in Taiwan.
[01:55:09]  Or Hong Kong.
[01:55:10]  Might not come back.
[01:55:11]  Maybe Hong Kong.
[01:55:12]  Maybe I'll even go to Macau.
[01:55:14]  Where's that?
[01:55:15]  Macau.
[01:55:16]  Oh, that's how you pronounce it.
[01:55:18]  Yeah.
[01:55:20]  Sure.
[01:55:20]  It's like Vegas.
[01:55:22]  Macau.
[01:55:23]  It was Portuguese.
[01:55:26]  Yeah, I mean, if you say Barcelona, I don't know why it's raising.
[01:55:29]  Barcelona, eh?
[01:55:30]  Oh, sorry.
[01:55:31]  Barlo Catala.
[01:55:32]  Okay, see, if you pronounce it like that, that's fine.
[01:55:34]  Yeah.
[01:55:35]  So if you pronounce the city with the accent, it's okay.
[01:55:37]  It really isn't done that way, but it sounds better.
[01:55:41]  What?
[01:55:41]  Al, Al, dude.
[01:55:43]  Come on, bro.
[01:55:44]  Al, you got to chill out.
[01:55:45]  You can't just laugh at the sound of perfectly pronounced Mandarin.
[01:55:49]  You're just laughing at the sound of perfectly pronounced Mandarin.
[01:55:52]  That's fucked up.
[01:55:52]  I would think it's perfect.
[01:55:53]  It is.
[01:55:54]  There is a casino in Macau that is.
[01:56:00]  Come on, Al.
[01:56:02]  Al, Al, you're laughing at perfectly pronounced.
[01:56:06]  I pronounce that perfectly.
[01:56:08]  It might be Cantonese.
[01:56:08]  I'm not exactly sure, but I pronounce it with perfect pronunciation.
[01:56:12]  I am respecting the culture as much as I possibly can.
[01:56:14]  This is not going to be good.
[01:56:15]  Why is it not going to be good?
[01:56:16]  I think it's going to be good.
[01:56:18]  But let's go.
[01:56:20]  All right, guys.
[01:56:21]  We're going to take a break for a second.
[01:56:22]  Ernest got it in there.
[01:56:25]  Got it in there before.
[01:56:26]  Fast forward, gang.
[01:56:27]  Yeah, we're talking about Ernest.
[01:56:28]  Okay.
[01:56:29]  What's that?
[01:56:29]  Let me tell you something, bro.
[01:56:30]  With today's low interest rates, it's a great time for you to refinance your student loans.
[01:56:35]  You specifically.
[01:56:37]  You got student loans.
[01:56:38]  They need to get ready to fuck finance.
[01:56:40]  Okay.
[01:56:41]  It's time to break out of that cycle.
[01:56:44]  Yo, the angrier?
[01:56:45]  All right.
[01:56:48]  What is it?
[01:56:49]  What is it again?
[01:56:50]  What is it?
[01:56:51]  Maffa Frank.
[01:56:51]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:56:52]  What is it that they use?
[01:56:53]  Unforgivable.
[01:56:53]  Unforgivable.
[01:56:54]  Okay.
[01:56:55]  Right now, you're in a student debt cycle.
[01:57:00]  Okay.
[01:57:00]  And those loans are unforgivable.
[01:57:03]  Ernest can help you by refinancing your student loans.
[01:57:07]  Times are tough.
[01:57:09]  And worrying about your student loan payments doesn't make things any easier.
[01:57:14]  Okay.
[01:57:15]  That's what refinance with Ernest could help.
[01:57:17]  You could save so much money.
[01:57:18]  You could be buying raffle firms for weeks.
[01:57:22]  Okay.
[01:57:23]  Ernest offers real great student loans refinance.
[01:57:27]  Yeah.
[01:57:27]  Okay.
[01:57:28]  I was talking to this girl's brother.
[01:57:32]  I was like, yo, you got some loans?
[01:57:33]  You got refinance?
[01:57:35]  He was like, yeah, I was like, that's unforgettable.
[01:57:38]  Like I salva everywhere when I'm doing this right now.
[01:57:42]  Okay?
[01:57:43]  I'm just saying you can reduce your long-term save money or combine multiple loans into a simple monthly payment.
[01:57:49]  Yes.
[01:57:50]  Okay.
[01:57:51]  Finally.
[01:57:51]  And if you have any questions, you can even talk to real live human and earnest for help.
[01:57:58]  A real live human, not anything else.
[01:58:01]  Okay?
[01:58:01]  A human is there.
[01:58:03]  They don't have real live animals and nothing.
[01:58:07]  That would be stupid.
[01:58:08]  Talk to a dog.
[01:58:09]  Come on.
[01:58:09]  I wouldn't help you at all.
[01:58:11]  And there would be nothing earnest about it.
[01:58:13]  Okay?
[01:58:15]  Holy shit.
[01:58:16]  I'm just saying.
[01:58:17]  Like, what if you had a question and then all of a sudden you go on FaceTime, you turn your face, Thomas motherfucking waffle fast.
[01:58:25]  Okay?
[01:58:26]  But it's not that.
[01:58:27]  It's a human being, okay?
[01:58:29]  And just to let you know, that wasn't good enough.
[01:58:33]  That wasn't good enough.
[01:58:35]  Ernest is offering our listeners $100 cash bonus.
[01:58:41]  We finished your student debt at earnest.com slash fragrant.
[01:58:47]  Terms of conditions are blind.
[01:58:52]  You gotta read all this fight.
[01:58:54]  No.
[01:58:56]  Ernest is gonna say $100 bonus.
[01:59:00]  Refinance your student loans at earnest.com slash frequent.
[01:59:04]  Thomas is a blah.
[01:59:08]  You have to read it.
[01:59:10]  You get a $100 cash bonus.
[01:59:13]  Mark, let me read it.
[01:59:16]  When you visit earnest.com slash fragrant to refinance your student loan.
[01:59:27]  It's not available in all states.
[01:59:30]  Terms and conditions apply.

=== Redlining Mafia Cash Bonuses (02:54) ===

[01:59:32]  So you gotta read all this still.
[01:59:36]  Visit Ernest.com French Flagrant for more details.
[01:59:51]  Earth operations O CLMOS.
[01:59:57]  Number sign 1204-9175309.
[02:00:05]  California finance law license number 605478A 535 Mission C San Francisco, California.
[02:00:17]  Last time for the fool visit earnest.com slash La Sanders.
[02:00:31]  Now what?
[02:00:35]  Unforgivable.
[02:00:38]  Now let's get back to the show, please.
[02:00:40]  Now let's get back to the show, yo.
[02:00:42]  If there was a black woman that died in the woods, would black people blame her?
[02:00:53]  Would they have the same attitude you have?
[02:00:55]  We wouldn't know.
[02:00:56]  We'd be like, why were you in the woods with that white boy anyway?
[02:00:58]  Oh, yeah, absolutely.
[02:01:01]  Like, absolutely.
[02:01:02]  That's what happens when you get these white boys in the motherfucking woods.
[02:01:04]  Why do you think you brought him into the woods?
[02:01:06]  Yeah, we don't do that stupid shit.
[02:01:08]  Fuck out of here.
[02:01:11]  Mark, your thoughts on this controversial take that could probably ruin the future of your career and life about Gabby Petito.
[02:01:18]  I think it's tragic.
[02:01:18]  What happened to her?
[02:01:19]  What if she was black?
[02:01:20]  That's also tragic.
[02:01:23]  Just being black.
[02:01:25]  Wow.
[02:01:26]  She was no longer white.
[02:01:27]  She became no longer white.
[02:01:29]  That is a big tragedy.
[02:01:31]  Yeah, I mean, it's a tougher life.
[02:01:32]  You know what I mean?
[02:01:33]  It's racial discrimination.
[02:01:34]  You got to deal with all that shit.
[02:01:36]  That's sad for her.
[02:01:36]  Redlining, throwing redlining.
[02:01:38]  Yeah, redlining?
[02:01:39]  Throw that in.
[02:01:39]  Yeah.
[02:01:40]  What else?
[02:01:40]  What else?
[02:01:41]  Redlining, throwing redlining.
[02:01:42]  Redlining.
[02:01:42]  Also, Thompson Forbes Act.
[02:01:44]  Yeah, Thompson Forbes Act.
[02:01:45]  Okay, segregation.
[02:01:46]  So yeah, segregation, also 3-6 mafia.
[02:01:49]  No, 3-5th compromise.
[02:01:50]  Yeah.
[02:01:50]  And the 3-6.
[02:01:51]  3-6 mafia or 3-5ths company?
[02:01:53]  3-5ths mafia.
[02:01:54]  3-5ths mafia.
[02:01:55]  Yes, that's also very important.
[02:01:57]  So shout out to all of them.
[02:01:58]  And also, it's.
[02:01:59]  Okay.
[02:02:00]  Nat Turner.
[02:02:03]  What's happening?
[02:02:04]  Nat Turner.
[02:02:06]  Yo, old Nat King Turner.
[02:02:11]  That's kind of fine.
[02:02:12]  Yo, old Nat King Turner coming through with the bat.
[02:02:16]  Yeah.
[02:02:16]  You know what I'm saying?
[02:02:18]  He got that big stick.
[02:02:21]  You know, what does bat stand for?
[02:02:23]  Nothing.
[02:02:23]  The bat hit a bat.
[02:02:24]  Oh, I didn't know.
[02:02:25]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:02:25]  Actually, I don't think baseball was even invented yet.

=== Scuba Diving Hurricane Panic (08:20) ===

[02:02:27]  Yeah, I don't know.
[02:02:28]  What's up, Miles?
[02:02:29]  We just said Nat Turner and Miles walked in the room.
[02:02:31]  Like, is he coming again?
[02:02:34]  I need to be with my people.
[02:02:35]  Miles look fly, bro.
[02:02:36]  Yeah, you out here killing it, dog.
[02:02:38]  Yeah, is that a new hat?
[02:02:40]  Nah.
[02:02:40]  Oh, he don't even talk.
[02:02:43]  He don't even get words.
[02:02:44]  Yeah, Miles talks about it.
[02:02:45]  He's actually shaved.
[02:02:46]  Yeah.
[02:02:46]  Damn, Miles Reynolds over here.
[02:02:48]  Yo, you really are Miles Reynolds.
[02:02:50]  How much, how much pussy you guys since we were going too much to count.
[02:02:56]  Genghis Khan over here, bro.
[02:02:57]  Yo, real talk.
[02:02:59]  It's true that Genghis Khan had a child with every single woman in his tribe.
[02:03:05]  I don't think that's true.
[02:03:07]  No, it's true.
[02:03:08]  That's true.
[02:03:08]  I heard that was true.
[02:03:10]  I heard that, like, everything we said.
[02:03:12]  If you're Asian, there's like a 99% chance you can trace your lineage to Genghis Khan.
[02:03:17]  Oh, I've actually heard that.
[02:03:18]  I've heard there's like a disordinate amount of like a genetic coding that comes from Yangtze Khan, especially if you're from the East.
[02:03:24]  Is that why they all look?
[02:03:25]  I'm not going to even finish.
[02:03:26]  You know what?
[02:03:26]  I'm not going to finish it.
[02:03:28]  I'm not going to finish it.
[02:03:29]  It seems like it's unexcusable where you're all come from one place.
[02:03:35]  It's just racist.
[02:03:36]  It's just, no, that's just a shit.
[02:03:38]  How many they don't look similar?
[02:03:40]  They all look like Genghis Khan.
[02:03:40]  There, no, you're speaking in an effective.
[02:03:42]  You all look like your fucking handpaper.
[02:03:45]  Yeah.
[02:03:46]  I think that makes sense.
[02:03:46]  I'm uncomfortable with the conversation.
[02:03:48]  I feel like you're just, you know, you're looking for ways to say that.
[02:03:50]  That makes sense.
[02:03:53]  I'm on board now.
[02:03:55]  He's getting a good point, even if he doesn't know.
[02:03:57]  I'm on board now.
[02:03:59]  If Al's on board, we go.
[02:04:03]  How was your guys' weekend?
[02:04:05]  It was good, man.
[02:04:05]  How was Paris?
[02:04:06]  Yeah, we didn't go to Paris, though.
[02:04:08]  Why are you asking us?
[02:04:09]  You were in Georgia.
[02:04:10]  You were in Orlando.
[02:04:11]  You were in the Keys.
[02:04:12]  Y'all did cool shit.
[02:04:13]  Yeah.
[02:04:13]  Tried.
[02:04:14]  Domestic shit.
[02:04:15]  Al went, Al went to the Keys.
[02:04:16]  Al forgot it was hurricane season.
[02:04:18]  He was like, I think I'll go scuba diving this weekend.
[02:04:21]  Went to the epicenter of the fucking hurricanes to Florida to see if he could go scuba diving.
[02:04:26]  Sometimes you get lucky.
[02:04:27]  I roll a deck sometimes.
[02:04:30]  I know Al Up because he was like down the keys.
[02:04:32]  He was posting something.
[02:04:33]  And then I saw a little bit later he's at like a Rogan show.
[02:04:35]  And I was like, oh, yeah, it didn't go exactly.
[02:04:37]  I let it go exactly as planned.
[02:04:39]  Like, I know Al has a lot of love for Rogan, especially everything he's done for us, but I don't know if he's flying to Florida to go to a Rogan show, especially when Rogan's coming to Madison Square Garden.
[02:04:49]  So I hit him.
[02:04:49]  I was like, yo, what's going on?
[02:04:50]  Yeah.
[02:04:51]  And then he's like, yeah, the scuba dive didn't really work.
[02:04:54]  This bitch Hurricane Ida fucking all my shit.
[02:04:56]  She fucked shit up, bro.
[02:04:58]  I'm just glad it didn't hit the keys, so that's good.
[02:05:00]  So, like, the weather was still good.
[02:05:02]  It was just it fucks up the water and then it makes it murky and it's no point.
[02:05:05]  You should be able to scuba dive, though.
[02:05:06]  You're under the water.
[02:05:07]  Like, hurricanes above the water.
[02:05:08]  Nah, for some reason, the wind affects the murkiness of the water.
[02:05:12]  And I don't want murkiness when I'm scuba diving like that.
[02:05:14]  You're going down there and you can't see shit.
[02:05:16]  Yeah, some sharks.
[02:05:16]  Sharks.
[02:05:16]  Like, that's the most terrifying.
[02:05:18]  It's one thing to see a shark from far, but imagine like you just turn around and then the shark comes right out of the murkiness.
[02:05:22]  But you said you never scuba dive.
[02:05:24]  Nah.
[02:05:25]  I don't believe in it, really.
[02:05:27]  Nah, I don't believe in it.
[02:05:28]  If you need to, it's amazing.
[02:05:30]  I know.
[02:05:30]  I believe it's amazing.
[02:05:31]  It's amazing.
[02:05:32]  It's better than skydiving.
[02:05:33]  I believe it's amazing, but I don't believe in it.
[02:05:36]  And what's that?
[02:05:37]  It's being underwater longer than you're supposed to.
[02:05:41]  That's that how God ordained us?
[02:05:43]  Oh, no.
[02:05:45]  No.
[02:05:46]  You know what I'm saying?
[02:05:47]  Especially, like, I could maybe do that shit in the same way that you do snorkeling.
[02:05:52]  You know, like, where it's like, basically, I'll snorkel, but I could just pop up if I need a bathtub.
[02:05:58]  Oh, no, but let me just say this.
[02:06:00]  You didn't scuba in a hurricane.
[02:06:01]  That's pussy, bro.
[02:06:02]  Let me say this, though.
[02:06:02]  Let me say this, though.
[02:06:03]  I don't believe in that scuba diving where you can't come up.
[02:06:06]  You got to like chill for 30 minutes.
[02:06:08]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[02:06:09]  The elevator.
[02:06:10]  The bends or whatever, you got to get the fucking bends, they call it.
[02:06:12]  But no, but so you don't have the bends, right?
[02:06:15]  So, if you go like 100 feet, you can't just go straight up if you gotta depress.
[02:06:19]  Yeah, yeah, yeah depressurize.
[02:06:20]  Yeah, you gotta that's terrifying, yo.
[02:06:22]  Son, no, yeah, you're terrifying.
[02:06:25]  You wouldn't even qualify to go that far down.
[02:06:27]  Like, you wouldn't.
[02:06:29]  You're not there yet.
[02:06:30]  You're not there.
[02:06:30]  You gotta work.
[02:06:31]  You're not so white.
[02:06:31]  You gotta work your way up to that.
[02:06:32]  You sound so white right now.
[02:06:34]  No, the rules to be a little bit more.
[02:06:36]  Go back to gym class.
[02:06:39]  Get the fuck out of here, son.
[02:06:40]  You gotta work your way up to that.
[02:06:42]  You're not ready to go.
[02:06:42]  You're gonna go to the fucking zoo, bro.
[02:06:45]  Hey, lose our eyes.
[02:06:46]  You're white as shit.
[02:06:48]  You went to the zoo?
[02:06:49]  I went to the aquarium.
[02:06:51]  Water zoo.
[02:06:52]  What up?
[02:06:53]  Protected from the water.
[02:06:54]  It's class between the sides.
[02:06:55]  It's basically scuba diving.
[02:06:56]  It's the same shit, but I'm not.
[02:06:58]  Hey, I can breathe everyone any other time I want to.
[02:07:00]  So, which one of us are black here, son?
[02:07:02]  I'm going to swim and you just hiding from the water between the water.
[02:07:06]  Black people, do they love the aquarium or what?
[02:07:08]  They did in Atlanta.
[02:07:10]  They also love Atlanta, so I don't know.
[02:07:12]  That's true.
[02:07:13]  I don't know.
[02:07:14]  There's just something about being in the water and not being able to be in control of my destiny.
[02:07:19]  I do not like that shit.
[02:07:21]  I got to just sit here for 30 minutes, hope I don't run out of fucking oxygen so I don't get a headache.
[02:07:25]  That's scary.
[02:07:25]  Bro, you think it's just random amounts of air in there?
[02:07:27]  Say what?
[02:07:28]  You think it's just a random amount of air?
[02:07:30]  I think it's a tank come out.
[02:07:31]  Yeah, and then you look at your watch and go, oh, I got this amount.
[02:07:33]  Yeah, what if my watch is wrong?
[02:07:36]  You ever had those soon?
[02:07:38]  It's so many variables, dog.
[02:07:39]  It's so many variables.
[02:07:40]  What happens is there's a little leak.
[02:07:41]  I bumped into some coral.
[02:07:42]  And then you just pulled it.
[02:07:44]  You can't go on.
[02:07:46]  You get the bends.
[02:07:46]  What's going to happen to you?
[02:07:47]  Your lungs explode.
[02:07:48]  You breathe out on the way up.
[02:07:50]  Lungs explode.
[02:07:51]  The benz is in your blood.
[02:07:53]  Look it up.
[02:07:54]  The benz is in your blood.
[02:07:54]  I look it up.
[02:07:55]  No, you just feel mad sick if you're bad.
[02:07:57]  Nah, your lungs explode.
[02:07:59]  Nah, it's not in the bench.
[02:08:00]  Do your lungs explode, dumb frackles or some shit.
[02:08:02]  Nah, bro.
[02:08:03]  I'm scuba certified.
[02:08:04]  Oh, you really?
[02:08:05]  Yeah, I'm open water certified.
[02:08:06]  Come on.
[02:08:07]  You gotta be a little bit more.
[02:08:08]  That's only like 10 feet.
[02:08:09]  That's like 10, 12 feet.
[02:08:11]  That's the pussy shit.
[02:08:12]  That's full basketball hoop hike certified.
[02:08:15]  Nobody care about that.
[02:08:16]  You can go 50 feet.
[02:08:19]  You don't even give you flippers.
[02:08:22]  You're not even certified.
[02:08:23]  So that's why this guy.
[02:08:24]  Yes, I have.
[02:08:26]  It's like wiki or some shit like that.
[02:08:28]  No, it's that's not even one.
[02:08:29]  You know, bro.
[02:08:30]  It's only one fucking certified.
[02:08:32]  That's open water.
[02:08:33]  And then the next is Rescue Diver.
[02:08:35]  Come on.
[02:08:35]  Yeah, I'm not deep.
[02:08:36]  I don't go deep, Paul.
[02:08:37]  You can go 50.
[02:08:41]  You can go 50 feet down.
[02:08:42]  What?
[02:08:42]  You could go 50 feet with open water.
[02:08:45]  Can I come up in a breath on that one or no?
[02:08:48]  You got to breathe out.
[02:08:49]  Yes.
[02:08:49]  How am I supposed to breathe out if I need to have the air?
[02:08:52]  Y'all.
[02:08:53]  Y'all try to kill me.
[02:08:54]  Y'all try to kill me.
[02:08:55]  This is your advice.
[02:08:56]  This is your advice.
[02:08:57]  You got to take.
[02:08:58]  You got to take it.
[02:08:58]  But with that depth, you don't have to pressurize on your way up.
[02:09:02]  Like, you do a little bit on your ears, but not like for the rest of your body.
[02:09:05]  I don't know if I believe that because when I was in Latin.
[02:09:08]  Yeah, just scuba diving.
[02:09:09]  Not screwed up.
[02:09:10]  I was snorkeled diving, right?
[02:09:11]  Snorkel diving.
[02:09:12]  Don't call it diving.
[02:09:13]  That's not diving.
[02:09:15]  If the back of your head is getting sunburned, it's not hurt.
[02:09:17]  Hold your breath.
[02:09:18]  Snorkel on you.
[02:09:20]  The back of your head is getting sunburned, bro.
[02:09:21]  If it's getting sunburned, it's not.
[02:09:22]  I was snorkeling.
[02:09:23]  I was snorkeling.
[02:09:24]  Snorkel floating.
[02:09:24]  I was snorkeling.
[02:09:25]  It's like your motor's like.
[02:09:27]  I was snorkeling down.
[02:09:28]  I took my electric bike to work and I'll be snorkeling.
[02:09:30]  That's a Hardley Davidson right there, bro.
[02:09:36]  What do we call it?
[02:09:36]  Pete Davidson?
[02:09:38]  That's the best name for it.
[02:09:40]  So I was snorkeled diving and I went down to go touch the coral.
[02:09:44]  And maybe it was like 20 feet or something like that.
[02:09:47]  Bro, I couldn't.
[02:09:49]  My head was going to explode just going down.
[02:09:52]  I had to clear my ears like you're in the plane on the way down just to get that depth.
[02:09:58]  Does this make sense?
[02:09:59]  Yes, it does.
[02:09:59]  Yes, because especially that thing, it has your nose and your eyes.
[02:10:03]  So you feel that pressure and then you start to panic a little bit.
[02:10:06]  So now you breathe in.
[02:10:07]  And because you panic, you go, yeah.
[02:10:09]  And so now you just made it tighter and you feel like your head's about to.
[02:10:11]  So how the fuck am I supposed to go to the bottom?
[02:10:13]  It's way different.
[02:10:13]  That doesn't sound funny.
[02:10:14]  Way different when you have the fucking uh the tank on you, because now it's just constant air going in and out, so you don't even feel the pressure on your eyes.
[02:10:22]  We're not supposed to go that deep, yeah, we're not supposed to go down.
[02:10:24]  I was snorkeled as deep as you can go until it hurts, and then you're supposed to come up.
[02:10:30]  There's your body going, Yurr trespassing now.
[02:10:35]  This too, no, one day we're gonna go, and you're gonna love it now.
[02:10:39]  You're gonna love it so much, you're gonna want to go all the time.
[02:10:41]  You're gonna want to go to the keys during hurricane season just to not scuba dive.
[02:10:45]  That's how much you're gonna do.
[02:10:46]  What am I gonna see there?
[02:10:47]  I can see it.
[02:10:47]  It's so beautiful.

=== Snorkeling Too Deep in Bi (15:34) ===

[02:10:48]  That was mad.
[02:10:49]  That shit's an aquarium, but you in it.
[02:10:51]  I've seen fish, fishes are whack.
[02:10:54]  Fish are whack.
[02:10:55]  You going treasure?
[02:10:55]  What about that?
[02:10:56]  Now, the treasure thing is kind of lit.
[02:10:58]  Yes, I maybe if there was some treasure attached, but I'm doing that for financial gain.
[02:11:02]  I'm not doing it just to enjoy nature.
[02:11:04]  Yeah, I don't know.
[02:11:05]  I think it's dangerous, and I don't think you should do it.
[02:11:07]  I'm glad you didn't do it this weekend.
[02:11:10]  Okay, I'd have saved your life, bro.
[02:11:12]  Nah, man.
[02:11:13]  Ida really did save your life.
[02:11:15]  I missed out, son.
[02:11:16]  It's Ida really did save your life, bro.
[02:11:18]  Mark, we're gonna go back down.
[02:11:18]  We're gonna go.
[02:11:19]  Yeah, let's run it.
[02:11:20]  Okay, I got any fun.
[02:11:21]  Nah, I'm gonna go.
[02:11:22]  The fact that he hasn't talked about Paris at all makes me suspicious.
[02:11:27]  Oh, yeah.
[02:11:34]  Fuck your trip.
[02:11:37]  So, what's up?
[02:11:40]  Yeah.
[02:11:43]  Fuck God.
[02:11:44]  We always let him slide with that shit.
[02:11:46]  Why does he ever let us talk as long about ourselves?
[02:11:50]  That's what I'm saying.
[02:11:51]  Mark, how are your parents?
[02:11:52]  I should have caught that.
[02:11:53]  What did he ask about my parents?
[02:11:55]  Oh, shit.
[02:11:59]  So, anyway.
[02:12:01]  You guys did cool shit.
[02:12:03]  You went to Georgia?
[02:12:04]  You went to Atlanta?
[02:12:06]  Yo, congrats to Jake Paul, man.
[02:12:08]  That's all I gotta say.
[02:12:09]  Back on topic.
[02:12:11]  Yeah.
[02:12:11]  Let's go.
[02:12:12]  What's up?
[02:12:13]  Talk about it.
[02:12:14]  Talk about it.
[02:12:19]  I shit the bed in my sleep, bro.
[02:12:23]  What?
[02:12:24]  What?
[02:12:25]  I shit the bed in my sleep.
[02:12:33]  Is that a metaphor?
[02:12:34]  No, I shit the bed in my sleep.
[02:12:35]  Nah, you lied.
[02:12:36]  I swear to God, in my life, we want to have the most romantic night of our life.
[02:12:43]  Shout out, Culfred Underwear.
[02:12:45]  I shit the bed in my sleep, bro.
[02:12:47]  I shit the bed in my sleep.
[02:12:48]  I'm eating fucking bread and cheese all for three days straight.
[02:12:51]  I knew it.
[02:12:52]  Okay.
[02:12:52]  I had a super romantic night.
[02:12:54]  I haven't slept.
[02:12:54]  I'm all jet lagged.
[02:12:56]  My shit cycle's all fucked up.
[02:12:58]  Okay?
[02:12:59]  Nah.
[02:12:59]  This guy goes from no bread, months, no cheese, no sugar.
[02:13:04]  I'm just eating fucking patisseries, tartines, everything like that.
[02:13:07]  I'm eating bread, cheese, non-stop.
[02:13:09]  OT on the bread and cheese.
[02:13:14]  He's like, no way.
[02:13:16]  Son, I literally, we go out for the most romantic night.
[02:13:19]  Let me tell you the whole thing.
[02:13:20]  How the fuck we ain't so bad.
[02:13:22]  Those days crazy.
[02:13:24]  I can't believe I shit the bed.
[02:13:25]  Okay, okay.
[02:13:26]  So look, I'm so upset at myself, son.
[02:13:30]  I saw something.
[02:13:31]  Okay, so we do the whole fucking day.
[02:13:33]  She loves you, dog.
[02:13:33]  Say what?
[02:13:34]  She loves you, dog.
[02:13:35]  I thought it was her.
[02:13:38]  I thought she loves you.
[02:13:40]  I never shit the bed before, son.
[02:13:41]  I thought it was her.
[02:13:42]  I got up.
[02:13:43]  I saw a little stay on the bed.
[02:13:44]  I'm like, yo, it must be her period.
[02:13:46]  Oh, bro.
[02:13:47]  I saw she got her period.
[02:13:48]  I was like, I'll just go and get her period.
[02:13:50]  Now wake up and do nothing about it.
[02:13:51]  I started walking down the stairs.
[02:13:52]  Like, why my asshole cold?
[02:13:54]  Oh, my God.
[02:13:57]  That's my asshole, Cole.
[02:13:58]  No, it was in my culprit.
[02:14:00]  It went through the culprit.
[02:14:01]  It was in my culprit.
[02:14:03]  Oh, let me tell you something.
[02:14:06]  I might have shit my bed and slept through it for six to eight hours.
[02:14:13]  Shit, my bed and slept through it for six to eight hours minimum.
[02:14:20]  I'm walking down the stairs in our hotel room, okay?
[02:14:24]  And I felt about like the third stair.
[02:14:26]  I was like, man, why my asshole cold and wet?
[02:14:31]  And I was like, what is going on here?
[02:14:33]  And then I put a two and two together.
[02:14:35]  I was like, I just saw.
[02:14:36]  Yeah, literally, number two and number two.
[02:14:40]  I saw her period stain on the fucking bed.
[02:14:42]  I was like, maybe that wasn't a period stain because it was on my side.
[02:14:45]  Why would it be?
[02:14:46]  Why would she get on my side?
[02:14:48]  And then I went to the bathroom.
[02:14:49]  I took off my fucking undies.
[02:14:52]  Wow.
[02:14:53]  Oh, my God.
[02:14:54]  Like a fire?
[02:14:56]  Like what?
[02:14:57]  Nah, nah, nah, nah.
[02:14:57]  Not like a lock.
[02:14:58]  It's a little sneeze.
[02:14:59]  Yes.
[02:15:00]  It's a little creme brulee.
[02:15:01]  Like a child.
[02:15:01]  I had a little creme brulee.
[02:15:05]  Just a pawn shoe.
[02:15:06]  That's all.
[02:15:06]  That's all it is, bro.
[02:15:07]  Okay.
[02:15:08]  So now.
[02:15:08]  We had the most romantic fucking day.
[02:15:10]  It was absolutely beautiful.
[02:15:11]  Your boy was pulling out all the stops.
[02:15:12]  I had the fucking view.
[02:15:13]  Yeah, no, you wasn't hella like.
[02:15:15]  There's no shot.
[02:15:16]  You sent this.
[02:15:16]  Great vacation, Duff.
[02:15:19]  Shout out to the nice duck, bro.
[02:15:21]  It's my idea.
[02:15:22]  That's my idea.
[02:15:22]  Dove did a great job.
[02:15:23]  He helped me out.
[02:15:24]  He was the one who found a car spot.
[02:15:27]  But I also had Laurent helping out, bro.
[02:15:28]  Hey, yo, shout out to Jerking Meat.
[02:15:31]  Give it up to everybody else.
[02:15:32]  Yo, I had a lot of people helping me.
[02:15:33]  I shoot up.
[02:15:34]  I had a lot of people helping me to do it.
[02:15:36]  No, bro.
[02:15:36]  That's all you did, son.
[02:15:39]  That's all you did.
[02:15:40]  That was your whole vacation.
[02:15:41]  I show up, I look fly, and I shit the bed.
[02:15:44]  I'm talking to a French rental car owner while I'm in a bathrobe in Italy.
[02:15:48]  I was having my trip too.
[02:15:49]  I'm an ideas guy.
[02:15:50]  I'm an ideas guy, bro.
[02:15:51]  I come up with the idea.
[02:15:53]  I'm a manager.
[02:15:53]  I'm Kanye.
[02:15:55]  So I learned how to make my child in the house.
[02:15:56]  Yeah, this is the idea.
[02:15:58]  You execute.
[02:15:58]  Build an apartment building in Paris, boys.
[02:16:02]  I'm at the highest fucking thing looking at the Eiffel Tower.
[02:16:05]  I pull out all the stops.
[02:16:06]  I call Dove.
[02:16:07]  I call Laurent.
[02:16:09]  It's the ideas.
[02:16:10]  I thought about the ideas.
[02:16:12]  You couldn't even stop your colins.
[02:16:14]  Son, can I?
[02:16:15]  And I'll be honest, I think I remember the fart that I did.
[02:16:18]  I remember the fart that did.
[02:16:19]  That's the word.
[02:16:19]  I remember the fart dick because I pushed hella hard.
[02:16:22]  Yeah.
[02:16:22]  But I was just so tired, bro.
[02:16:24]  And I remember I just, I pushed hella hard and I just fucking punctured through, dude.
[02:16:28]  I literally, yeah, anyway.
[02:16:30]  So, yeah, so we had a really romantic vacation.
[02:16:32]  Did you have to wake her up and be like, yeah, did you try to hide it?
[02:16:34]  Son, I didn't know to the morning.
[02:16:36]  Y'all didn't understand.
[02:16:37]  I know, she already awaited.
[02:16:37]  Where was she?
[02:16:38]  No, I said on the way down, I was like, damn, I think I shit the bed.
[02:16:45]  I thought I'd try to throw it on her, but I thought that, yo, babe, you shit the bed.
[02:16:50]  You didn't even try?
[02:16:51]  Say what?
[02:16:52]  You didn't even try?
[02:16:53]  No, I didn't fucking try.
[02:16:54]  I shit the bed and then went and bought her a fucking purse and her meds a few hours later.
[02:17:00]  We gotta cover this thing up.
[02:17:02]  We gotta, somebody needs a Kelly bag.
[02:17:05]  We gotta cover this thing up.
[02:17:09]  Wow.
[02:17:10]  Fuck.
[02:17:11]  Boy, we're struggling.
[02:17:13]  We went shopping, boy.
[02:17:15]  We went shopping, bro.
[02:17:17]  Women be shopping.
[02:17:22]  Yo, you taking shit in the bed in Paris.
[02:17:25]  You know what I mean?
[02:17:27]  I don't know how to hold in bread.
[02:17:28]  I haven't eaten bread in a year and a half.
[02:17:31]  Why are you holding all shit?
[02:17:32]  No.
[02:17:33]  Ain't no shit different.
[02:17:34]  No.
[02:17:35]  No.
[02:17:35]  And I'll be honest, I haven't had confidence in my farts for 48 hours minimum.
[02:17:39]  No, no.
[02:17:40]  I've been farting and just letting a little bit out.
[02:17:44]  Like, I've been farting.
[02:17:45]  Like, it's Call of Duty when you see if someone's around the corner.
[02:17:48]  Like, you know, you like pop every time I fart, it's just like super delicate, a lot of focus on the lips.
[02:17:54]  Damn.
[02:17:54]  So did you buy yourself anything?
[02:17:56]  No, I didn't buy myself some pens or he bought some bread and cheese.
[02:17:59]  He lost some.
[02:18:01]  I should have really brought a diaper or two.
[02:18:03]  Nah.
[02:18:03]  We went to this fucking store.
[02:18:06]  Couldn't get a goddamn appointment.
[02:18:08]  She was so excited.
[02:18:09]  We go into the store and I'm like, I got to do something, boy.
[02:18:11]  Like, I gotta make this fucking happen.
[02:18:13]  So, we go in there, and I'm just like, yo, what's good?
[02:18:15]  Like, they're like, I shit the bed.
[02:18:16]  Yo, I didn't say that.
[02:18:18]  A lot of people say it as an expression.
[02:18:19]  I know.
[02:18:20]  He's probably like, oh, yeah, what'd you do?
[02:18:21]  He's like, I shit the bed.
[02:18:22]  Does it feel like the expression?
[02:18:23]  Like, when people say it?
[02:18:24]  No, no.
[02:18:25]  It's actually, it's an understatement, really.
[02:18:28]  People really misuse that expression.
[02:18:30]  It's much different.
[02:18:31]  Like, it's much different when it happens in real life to you.
[02:18:34]  And you're sitting there looking at your underwear as you take the rest of your shit.
[02:18:38]  Oh, my God.
[02:18:39]  You're just lucky it was at a hotel.
[02:18:41]  Because if this was at your house, the whole bed is gone.
[02:18:43]  You got to throw out the whole bed.
[02:18:45]  Oh, you're a piece.
[02:18:46]  You're a piece of shit.
[02:18:48]  We got to buy them a liner.
[02:18:49]  Did you strip the sheets when the maid came, or you just let her handle it?
[02:18:52]  I don't know, man.
[02:18:52]  100% he let her go.
[02:18:54]  I don't know if we changed the sheets.
[02:18:55]  100% he let them.
[02:18:56]  Oh my god, no.
[02:18:57]  I don't know if we changed the sheets.
[02:18:58]  I know she went live.
[02:18:59]  She went.
[02:19:00]  She went like that, bro.
[02:19:01]  You gotta tell them to change the shit.
[02:19:02]  There's no way she would let that happen.
[02:19:04]  We went shopping, bro.
[02:19:05]  That shit was crazy.
[02:19:06]  My parents are in a dance studio, bro.
[02:19:07]  You think they do?
[02:19:08]  No, that's what they did growing up.
[02:19:09]  Faggot.
[02:19:10]  But I.
[02:19:11]  Yes.
[02:19:12]  We've been trying to tell him.
[02:19:15]  Girl.
[02:19:15]  Take that, Akash.
[02:19:17]  Take that.
[02:19:18]  Akash.
[02:19:18]  Okay.
[02:19:20]  More gay points for me today.
[02:19:23]  All right.
[02:19:24]  Look at you drinking your water.
[02:19:25]  I got a waifu.
[02:19:26]  Do you know what a waifu is?
[02:19:27]  It's like drink this much water in a day kind of thing.
[02:19:30]  No, no.
[02:19:31]  It's like, what is a waifu again?
[02:19:33]  Where's the where's shifty?
[02:19:34]  It's some like gaming thing.
[02:19:36]  Like it's like a Japanese anime chip.
[02:19:38]  She seems hot.
[02:19:39]  Yeah.
[02:19:39]  No, it's like lonely guys that will buy like uh they'll fall in love with like these anime characters.
[02:19:44]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[02:19:45]  And then they'll buy like they'll buy pillows.
[02:19:47]  I'm such a bad game.
[02:19:49]  I mean, I'm not like, I can barely understand technology.
[02:19:52]  Like on Twitch, I just, I, what did you just bring?
[02:19:54]  Are you douching?
[02:19:55]  What is that?
[02:19:58]  That's a CBD pipe.
[02:19:59]  We're going to get lit here, buddy.
[02:20:01]  It's the freeze pipe.
[02:20:02]  We're going to get some smoke and seed.
[02:20:03]  If you got weed, we'll do that and we'll get fucked up and have a good time.
[02:20:06]  I got to go to the gym after this.
[02:20:08]  Okay.
[02:20:08]  So, so gay voice.
[02:20:10]  So one thing I was always curious about gay voice is like my voice is obviously influenced by the people I'm around.
[02:20:17]  Right.
[02:20:18]  And people think that I'm faking it at times.
[02:20:21]  They'll be like, oh, you sound black or oh, you sound Italian or all these.
[02:20:25]  But when I grew up, I grew up around black people.
[02:20:27]  I grew up around like, you know, Irish, Italian people.
[02:20:29]  So like it affected the way that I spoke.
[02:20:31]  Sure.
[02:20:32]  But at a certain point, it's a choice.
[02:20:34]  When I was in Spain, I didn't speak with like a New York accent.
[02:20:37]  I spoke Spanish with a Spanish accent, or at least as close as I could get.
[02:20:40]  So how much of the quote-unquote gay voice is a choice?
[02:20:44]  And how much of it is just like natural?
[02:20:48]  Because these are the people I'm around.
[02:20:50]  Like when Madonna was with Guy Richie and then she started speaking with English.
[02:20:53]  Yeah.
[02:20:54]  Look at it this way.
[02:20:55]  In my mind, I sound like, yeah.
[02:20:57]  Like in my mind, I sound like Gaston.
[02:20:59]  I sound like it's true, like I sound so manly.
[02:21:03]  And then I hear my voice and I'm like, well, I was, I missed the mark.
[02:21:07]  But I think that's the thing, too.
[02:21:09]  Is like, I just, most gay people you talk to, we just don't know.
[02:21:13]  We just think we sound until you hear yourself.
[02:21:16]  And I don't know if I have an answer.
[02:21:19]  Do you think it's a genetic thing or do you think it's a choice?
[02:21:23]  Well, it's not a choice when you're seven.
[02:21:24]  You know what I mean?
[02:21:25]  Like you just don't know what you're doing.
[02:21:27]  So I don't think I really realized I sounded like a complete homosexual until I was in boy school.
[02:21:32]  What do you have?
[02:21:33]  Are you born that way?
[02:21:35]  Or is it?
[02:21:35]  Let's get to the fucking bottom of this.
[02:21:37]  No, I know you're born gay.
[02:21:38]  Well, actually, do you think you're born gay?
[02:21:40]  Yeah.
[02:21:40]  100%.
[02:21:41]  Of course.
[02:21:41]  Now, do you think any people are like diddled into bi?
[02:21:45]  Like, diddle.
[02:21:47]  You know what I mean?
[02:21:48]  Like, like, they had some fucked up sexual experiences when they're young, and it kind of warps their idea of what sexuality is.
[02:21:54]  No, I think the same way.
[02:21:55]  Like, I would, okay, like, diddled into buy.
[02:21:59]  Not diddled into a full gay, but diddled into bi.
[02:22:02]  Are you trying to convert?
[02:22:03]  Is that what it is?
[02:22:03]  Are you trying to convert?
[02:22:04]  I'm fucking ready, dude.
[02:22:05]  I'll start slapping my man pussy right now.
[02:22:08]  You're a man, but you're a pussy.
[02:22:09]  My pussy.
[02:22:10]  Yeah.
[02:22:11]  Yeah, I made it of age.
[02:22:14]  It's not a boy pussy, bro.
[02:22:15]  It's man.
[02:22:16]  Sure.
[02:22:16]  Yeah.
[02:22:19]  I don't know.
[02:22:20]  I just think it's the same way as, like, you know, when did you know you were straight?
[02:22:23]  That's the, that's a thing that, okay, this is a whole different conversation, but like, that's the thing, understanding identity.
[02:22:30]  You know, like, there's so much conversation about like gender and stuff with identity.
[02:22:32]  And I'm like, when do you know what you are?
[02:22:34]  And how do you know what you are?
[02:22:35]  Like, when did you?
[02:22:37]  We're seeing this surgery of people who are really young coming out as non-binary or gay or trans.
[02:22:42]  And I think straight people are viewing that as like, this is too much.
[02:22:45]  And this is, I'm just like, no, we just finally have people can finally see themselves at a young age and can relate to that, which I had C3PO.
[02:22:54]  I mean, I had like nothing.
[02:22:55]  I had like, that was it.
[02:22:57]  I had, how do you know he's gay?
[02:22:58]  I had Jafar.
[02:22:59]  I had scar.
[02:23:01]  These are gay icons or something.
[02:23:03]  That's gay people I saw on TV.
[02:23:04]  Always some kind of C3PO.
[02:23:07]  Yes.
[02:23:08]  Gay PO.
[02:23:09]  No, it makes so much sense.
[02:23:11]  He's breaking down.
[02:23:12]  First of all, he's gay, right?
[02:23:13]  And I've done this as a bit because he got gayer in each Star Wars movie.
[02:23:18]  Like the first one, he's very subtle.
[02:23:19]  He's just like, oh, my.
[02:23:21]  But then like, by Return of the Jedi, at one point, he's literally like, oh, damn.
[02:23:28]  And RGD2 is a lesbian.
[02:23:30]  She's a full-blown lesbian.
[02:23:31]  She's smart.
[02:23:32]  People need her.
[02:23:32]  And she came with a tool belt.
[02:23:33]  Also, like most lesbians, she gets shit done.
[02:23:37]  When the Millennium Falcon breaks down, they're not calling 3PO.
[02:23:40]  They're like, R2, get in here.
[02:23:43]  She got the ladder at the nightclub.
[02:23:44]  She did.
[02:23:45]  She did.
[02:23:46]  Yes, that is right.
[02:23:48]  But then, you know, Jafar, who's like very gay.
[02:23:50]  Jafar gay, I see it.
[02:23:51]  Is Jafar gay?
[02:23:52]  Man, with the colours.
[02:23:53]  Prince Aboo Boo.
[02:23:54]  Sure.
[02:23:54]  Yeah.
[02:23:56]  Scar, Ursula.
[02:23:58]  Ursula's lesbian.
[02:24:00]  Drag.
[02:24:03]  She was based after a real drag queen named Divine, who was very.
[02:24:06]  I've heard of Devine.
[02:24:07]  Of course.
[02:24:07]  She was very popular in the 80s.
[02:24:09]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[02:24:10]  So, so this is okay.
[02:24:12]  Keep going on this because then I want to talk about RuPaul's drag case because you said the most interesting thing about drag race I've ever heard.
[02:24:17]  Oh, what did I say?
[02:24:18]  You were like, it's the first time a gay show was made for gay people.
[02:24:22]  Yes.
[02:24:23]  I would say, you know, it wasn't trying to like create this idea of homosexuality for straight people.
[02:24:28]  Right.
[02:24:28]  Queer Eye or something.
[02:24:30]  Yeah, Queer Eye is like, exactly.
[02:24:31]  What is Queer Eye?
[02:24:33]  It's a television series.
[02:24:36]  You got to be polite.
[02:24:38]  And they're offering me a role.
[02:24:39]  And I wish.
[02:24:40]  Are you kidding?
[02:24:40]  I would be so horrible on that show, though, because they're so nice and they want to be together and work together.
[02:24:45]  They are.
[02:24:45]  I've met a lot of them.
[02:24:46]  The first part of the show, though, this fucks with me.
[02:24:48]  They just go through the guy's stuff and just shit on all of it.
[02:24:50]  They just bully this guy.
[02:24:52]  Who would wear such a thing?
[02:24:54]  But that is the role for gay people in television for like the last 50 years.
[02:24:57]  Yeah.
[02:24:58]  Well, yeah.
[02:24:58]  And also, too, like, the first iteration of the show was the first time you saw gay people in living rooms that weren't like, you know, Philadelphia.
[02:25:06]  You know what I mean?
[02:25:06]  Like, it was like something.
[02:25:08]  Because people that, you know what I mean?
[02:25:09]  It was like something nice, kind of.
[02:25:12]  Even though we were like... Little America's like, where's the bruises?
[02:25:14]  Right.
[02:25:15]  I don't even recognize these guys.
[02:25:16]  But we were a little like Captain Planet of gays.
[02:25:19]  Like at that time, you know, remember Captain Planet?
[02:25:21]  They had like all their ring pop, like Earth, fire, they were like, purse, you know, but it was good.
[02:25:27]  I love Carthage.
[02:25:28]  It was a great show.
[02:25:29]  But then, you know, as time moved on, it's like, I think they've adapted the show so that it's not just like, you know, queer people walking in being like, this sucks.
[02:25:37]  But it does feel like we've done gay people have done everything for you people.
[02:25:41]  And it's like, it's enough already.
[02:25:43]  We've done your weddings, your hair, your makeup, your movies.
[02:25:45]  And we show up in the middle of Indiana and this lady's like, my husband can't put his pants on.
[02:25:50]  Like, why is that our problem?
[02:25:53]  You had years to know how to do this.
[02:25:55]  Like, you figure it out.
[02:25:56]  That show should be five gay men on an island smoking, being like, we hate you.
[02:25:59]  Like, that should do the show.
[02:26:01]  But you go to a gay bar, everybody's welcome.
[02:26:04]  But you're only welcome if we're not your fucking petting zoo.
[02:26:07]  Worst thing I would hate to hear when I was 21 is you go to a gay bar, which anyone's welcome of any gender, of any orientation.
[02:26:13]  You are all welcome to have fun.
[02:26:16]  But when you go in there and you see these bachelor parties, and the first thing they would say is, like, we just didn't want to be around any men tonight.

=== Gay Solidarity Protest Revenge (03:04) ===

[02:26:22]  I'd be like, like, I don't know what you think.
[02:26:31]  Do you know what I mean?
[02:26:32]  You don't think that women were running shit in Scotland?
[02:26:34]  That's our less like us, you're gonna wear the skirt if you tell you.
[02:26:44]  Okay, you just go out there and guess our freedom, and then you just come back here and put the fucking skirt and lick me fanny, okay?
[02:26:55]  Well, that's a good way to say, lick my fanny.
[02:26:57]  That'd be a more polite way.
[02:26:58]  To say, get your dicks up?
[02:26:59]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:27:01]  Lick my fanny, dude.
[02:27:02]  That'd be crazy, dude.
[02:27:04]  If you want to be polite, nah, dude, I don't say that.
[02:27:06]  I just go, turtle time.
[02:27:12]  Revenge of the ooze.
[02:27:15]  What is it?
[02:27:16]  What is the second one?
[02:27:17]  Revenge of the ooze?
[02:27:21]  This is going to be ooze.
[02:27:22]  I don't know.
[02:27:23]  You don't have enough drinks that are caffeinated.
[02:27:26]  I'm just drinking coffee and an energy drink.
[02:27:28]  Yeah.
[02:27:29]  Yeah, this episode is a little disjointed.
[02:27:31]  You know what I mean?
[02:27:31]  All right.
[02:27:32]  So what do we do with Carmines?
[02:27:33]  Should we go protest or what?
[02:27:34]  I think that we should go to Carmines and I think that we should do a Black Lives Matter protest.
[02:27:38]  Yes.
[02:27:39]  Let's go.
[02:27:39]  Now you guys are talking.
[02:27:41]  Yeah.
[02:27:41]  I would like to.
[02:27:42]  I think it's the right thing to do.
[02:27:43]  Okay.
[02:27:43]  How would you like to protest it?
[02:27:45]  Signs.
[02:27:46]  Signs are good.
[02:27:47]  I think signs would be a good place to start.
[02:27:49]  We could chant and say, no justice, no peace.
[02:27:51]  Yes.
[02:27:51]  No justice, no peace is a great thing to say because it's true.
[02:27:54]  Yeah.
[02:27:55]  And then we could get a lasagna.
[02:27:59]  Okay.
[02:28:00]  I think it's a good idea.
[02:28:01]  And then give it a bad rating.
[02:28:02]  We could give it a bad rating.
[02:28:03]  Don't want to sport it.
[02:28:04]  Yeah.
[02:28:04]  On blistered peppers.
[02:28:05]  We can go to blistered peppers.
[02:28:06]  We're going to give it a fair dialogue.
[02:28:07]  I don't want to say lasagna was kind of dry, but it had good flavor.
[02:28:11]  And then I think that'd be a bit.
[02:28:12]  The service was shit.
[02:28:13]  We say the service was shit.
[02:28:14]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:28:15]  Okay.
[02:28:16]  I like that.
[02:28:17]  Now, just out of curiosity.
[02:28:19]  Maybe we do a White Lives Matter protest also.
[02:28:20]  Well, if we show up to the Black Lives Matter, is it wrong if we're just like, shoot, huh?
[02:28:25]  And we just start doing flips and stuff like that.
[02:28:28]  Is that, what are the rules on that?
[02:28:30]  I think that passes.
[02:28:31]  That's okay.
[02:28:32]  Show me.
[02:28:33]  If it's a solidarity, you gotta.
[02:28:34]  You can do anything you want as long as it's solidarity, also.
[02:28:36]  Okay.
[02:28:36]  Yeah.
[02:28:37]  Execute if you want.
[02:28:38]  Can we take our hats and then flip it in the air with our foot and then catch it with our head?
[02:28:42]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:28:43]  And then protest with that.
[02:28:45]  And then are you going to do like a little smurder dance after?
[02:28:48]  And she's like, I will do a schmoney dance after.
[02:28:49]  There you go.
[02:28:50]  We can.
[02:28:50]  As art.
[02:28:51]  Can art be a protest?
[02:28:52]  Is art a form of protest?
[02:28:53]  100%.
[02:28:54]  Yes.
[02:28:54]  It is.
[02:28:54]  Yeah.
[02:28:55]  If you say, I'm on a high school basketball team, we're just trying to raise money for some jerseys.
[02:28:58]  That's it.
[02:28:58]  Yeah.
[02:28:59]  Do you want to buy some MMs?
[02:29:00]  Yeah.
[02:29:01]  Yeah.
[02:29:01]  Okay.
[02:29:02]  If I show up and I go, do you want to buy a flower for your girl?
[02:29:08]  You love your girl?
[02:29:09]  You want to buy a roast?
[02:29:10]  Flowers for the lady.
[02:29:13]  If I do that, is that a sign for the migrant?
[02:29:18]  What?
[02:29:18]  Yeah.
[02:29:18]  Yes.
[02:29:18]  Are we supporting migrants?
[02:29:21]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:29:21]  Okay.
[02:29:22]  Yeah.
[02:29:22]  It's an all-lives matter protest.
[02:29:23]  Do you want to support all you spark kids in caches?

=== Eddie Murphy Hollywood Monologue (15:36) ===

[02:29:27]  No.
[02:29:27]  Buy your roses to not support kids in caches.
[02:29:31]  Yeah.
[02:29:31]  So if we do that outside of car mines, I think it could be.
[02:29:33]  Do you think that's cool?
[02:29:34]  Yeah.
[02:29:35]  What if we climb down from the roof dressing all black?
[02:29:38]  Yep.
[02:29:43]  How is that going to crack?
[02:29:46]  Is that?
[02:29:47]  Is that?
[02:29:48]  Is that something?
[02:29:51]  Is that?
[02:29:52]  Yeah.
[02:29:52]  Is that a thing or is that not a thing?
[02:29:54]  I mean, it all sounds.
[02:29:56]  I think if we're insolidated with all people that are oppressed, that's important.
[02:29:58]  I just want to say right now, this is our second time recording the intro because I didn't go hard in the paint enough.
[02:30:04]  Okay.
[02:30:05]  Acting sucks.
[02:30:06]  I miss a few podcasts because I was acting.
[02:30:08]  That will never happen again.
[02:30:09]  It is not worth it.
[02:30:10]  Okay.
[02:30:11]  I asked to be in this movie.
[02:30:12]  I asked to be in this movie because my comedy hero is in the movie.
[02:30:15]  Eddie Murphy is in the movie.
[02:30:17]  I know I said on a Patreon episode, and there's a few of you on the Patreon.
[02:30:20]  Here comes Hippocrates.
[02:30:21]  I said acting is the worst fucking thing.
[02:30:22]  You should never do it.
[02:30:23]  I was right.
[02:30:24]  100%.
[02:30:25]  I was right.
[02:30:26]  But I started comedy because when I was a fucking child, I listened to Eddie Murphy on a cassette tape with my father.
[02:30:33]  We were sitting on a bed and he was doing his, like, you know, who'd be a funny F-word?
[02:30:37]  You know what I mean?
[02:30:38]  You just bleep it.
[02:30:39]  Ralph Frank.
[02:30:40]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:30:40]  The Ralph.
[02:30:40]  Humana, I'm gonna, right?
[02:30:43]  And it was the funniest thing in the fucking world.
[02:30:44]  Mr. T was gay.
[02:30:45]  Yeah.
[02:30:46]  You know, clinch my butt cheek, snap your dick off.
[02:30:47]  Yeah.
[02:30:48]  Like, and I saw my dad crying, laughing, and I was like, oh my God, comedy is the shit.
[02:30:52]  I got to be funny.
[02:30:53]  I want my dad to laugh when I say things.
[02:30:54]  And I promise you, from that moment on, I valued humor in a different way.
[02:30:59]  Yeah.
[02:30:59]  I get the opportunity to be in a movie with Eddie Murphy.
[02:31:02]  I was cool enough.
[02:31:03]  I had a cool enough relationship with Kenya Barris, who's the director.
[02:31:06]  I hit him up and I was like, yo, put me in this movie.
[02:31:08]  And he was like, bet, right?
[02:31:10]  Yeah.
[02:31:10]  And I'm in it.
[02:31:13]  And fuck, man.
[02:31:14]  Thank you, Kenya, so much.
[02:31:15]  I really appreciate the opportunity.
[02:31:17]  Kenny seems great.
[02:31:18]  I wish he said no.
[02:31:19]  I wish you rejected me.
[02:31:21]  I wish you said you're not right for this movie because I'm not.
[02:31:24]  I'm not right for it.
[02:31:24]  Why are you not?
[02:31:25]  Why are you not?
[02:31:26]  I'm not good at acting.
[02:31:30]  Wait, wait, wait.
[02:31:31]  Bro, and let me just.
[02:31:32]  Can you talk about what happened?
[02:31:33]  Can you tell us?
[02:31:33]  I'm going to tell you everything.
[02:31:34]  I'm going all of you.
[02:31:35]  Okay.
[02:31:35]  I'm not invited back to set.
[02:31:37]  Listen, it's not only is it Eddie Murphy, right?
[02:31:39]  Eddie Murphy's enough.
[02:31:40]  Yeah.
[02:31:40]  This is the movie that I just asked to be in, and then they said yes, stupidly.
[02:31:44]  They say they just said yes.
[02:31:45]  Yeah, right.
[02:31:45]  It's Eddie Murphy.
[02:31:46]  Jonah Hill's the star.
[02:31:48]  Julia Louis Dreyfus.
[02:31:50]  Elaine.
[02:31:51]  Elaine on that show.
[02:31:52]  What was that show?
[02:31:53]  The best show ever.
[02:31:54]  And I got a great Elaine show.
[02:31:55]  A story.
[02:31:56]  Oh, my God.
[02:31:57]  Mike Epps, who's a legend.
[02:31:59]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[02:32:00]  Mike Epps is the fucking man.
[02:32:02]  Dude, Mike Epps turned the whole set around.
[02:32:05]  Yeah.
[02:32:05]  Like, he came in his trailer.
[02:32:07]  He's got music blasting, weed smoke coming out of it.
[02:32:10]  Like, it's a nightclub, his fucking trailer.
[02:32:12]  We're all in this dinner scene.
[02:32:13]  I'm sitting next to Elliot Gould, the old guy from Motions 11, 12, 13, legendary actor.
[02:32:19]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[02:32:19]  Like, I'm sitting next to him.
[02:32:20]  He's talking to me about life, like going deep about life.
[02:32:23]  I'm trying to memorize this thing that I got to say.
[02:32:25]  And he's just like, you know, the most important thing is being present.
[02:32:27]  I'm like, motherfucker, I'm thinking about 15 minutes right now.
[02:32:29]  I got to focus.
[02:32:30]  Shit needs to get done so I don't get thrown off this goddamn movie.
[02:32:33]  Mike Epps comes down.
[02:32:34]  He's so loose, so chill, cracking jokes.
[02:32:36]  He's making Eddie laugh.
[02:32:37]  Nobody is engaged with Eddie because everybody's so terrified of Eddie, right?
[02:32:42]  And myself included.
[02:32:43]  And but Mike Epps is busting balls, making jokes.
[02:32:46]  Like, Eddie's in the middle of his fucking monologue that he's taking very seriously.
[02:32:50]  Eddie's just popping one-liners in.
[02:32:53]  Like, cutting off the fucking GOAT.
[02:32:55]  It was unbelievable.
[02:32:56]  And being funny about it.
[02:32:57]  Yeah.
[02:32:57]  Right.
[02:32:59]  At one point when we stopped down this big dinner scene, Epps is sitting like across from Elaine from Julia Louis Dreyfus.
[02:33:05]  And he goes, he goes, hey, so what's it like working with Tracy Morgan?
[02:33:21]  What?
[02:33:22]  Because it's obvious who she worked with.
[02:33:24]  No.
[02:33:25]  Oh.
[02:33:26]  Yes.
[02:33:28]  He thought she was Tina Fey.
[02:33:30]  Bro, I fucking lost it, fam.
[02:33:33]  I lost it.
[02:33:35]  I lost it, bro.
[02:33:37]  I'm not even.
[02:33:38]  I thought he was doing some shit you would do.
[02:33:39]  I'm not going to give Seinfeld no credit.
[02:33:41]  No.
[02:33:42]  Oh, my God.
[02:33:42]  I never saw 30.
[02:33:44]  Deadass thought it was Tina Fey, deadass.
[02:33:46]  You probably thought she wrote the movie.
[02:33:47]  100%.
[02:33:50]  It was unbelievable how like that was.
[02:33:52]  I should be on a 30-rock project.
[02:33:54]  She kind of started to realize it and then was just like, she didn't say nothing.
[02:33:57]  I haven't, actually, I don't think I've worked with him in a while or something like that.
[02:34:00]  She was like very polite and professional about it.
[02:34:03]  She's a hoss, bro.
[02:34:03]  She's a beast.
[02:34:04]  You can see who's a beast.
[02:34:06]  Anybody who's on the greatest show of all time, Seinfeld has to be a beast.
[02:34:09]  Cut it out.
[02:34:10]  Is that what bothers you about?
[02:34:12]  Fucking X-Files was there, boy.
[02:34:14]  What bothers you about Seinfeld is he makes acting look so easy, and then you go in there and stumble through a scene like a fucking retard.
[02:34:19]  Dude, I did stumble through a scene every year.
[02:34:21]  I fucked up a scene with Eddie.
[02:34:22]  I had a scene with Eddie.
[02:34:25]  And Kenny, I think I've told you this, okay?
[02:34:26]  And first of all.
[02:34:28]  Okay, I'll tell you why I was completely shell-shocked.
[02:34:30]  I probably told a couple of you this already, but I'm going to tell the people at home you guys deserve to understand.
[02:34:34]  Okay, you guys know my pain.
[02:34:35]  I'm so fucking excited.
[02:34:36]  Dub is so anxious.
[02:34:37]  I'm so fucking excited to even see Eddie Murphy.
[02:34:39]  Okay.
[02:34:40]  I saw his stunt double and I got excited because the stunt double looks like him, obviously, but like even in the face down to the goatee, right?
[02:34:47]  And I and I was like getting nervous on how to approach the stunt double and he was just sitting across from me.
[02:34:50]  This is like an hour.
[02:34:52]  And I finally said something to him and then he like looking like Eddie Murphy.
[02:34:56]  No, I thought it was Eddie.
[02:34:58]  You might get him.
[02:34:59]  Yes.
[02:35:01]  And that's something you cannot fuck up.
[02:35:03]  Yeah.
[02:35:03]  Like, because that's the one time you're, it's like, you do look alike.
[02:35:06]  Yeah.
[02:35:06]  Right?
[02:35:07]  It's the one time it's okay.
[02:35:08]  It's fine, right?
[02:35:09]  So I'm in this basically first day.
[02:35:13]  We're all seated across from one another.
[02:35:15]  And, yo, shout out to Jonah Hill because Jonah Hill is like, he's the star of the movie.
[02:35:20]  And like, he's just kicking it with us.
[02:35:22]  We're the guys in his bachelor party, right?
[02:35:24]  And he's just kicking with us like, he don't have to.
[02:35:27]  Yeah.
[02:35:28]  You know what I mean?
[02:35:28]  Like, he don't have to.
[02:35:29]  And he was kicking with us and like creating a vibe and trying to make people comfortable.
[02:35:32]  And I appreciate that.
[02:35:34]  Like that.
[02:35:35]  For sure.
[02:35:35]  You don't have to do that.
[02:35:36]  Yeah.
[02:35:37]  You got lines you got to memorize.
[02:35:38]  You got, you are carrying the movie.
[02:35:40]  You could be in your head.
[02:35:41]  A lot of stress.
[02:35:42]  Yes.
[02:35:43]  So, but we're all kicking.
[02:35:44]  It's fun.
[02:35:46]  Keep in mind, it was a walking scene.
[02:35:47]  There's no lie.
[02:35:47]  But still, he was getting very good.
[02:35:50]  It was a walking scene.
[02:35:51]  But you got to make choices when you walk.
[02:35:52]  How are you going to walk?
[02:35:53]  Right?
[02:35:54]  What's the deal with Buck?
[02:35:55]  All right.
[02:35:56]  So, so, so we're all sitting.
[02:35:58]  It's like four of us on this side, four of us on this side.
[02:36:00]  Sam J is in the movie.
[02:36:01]  Love Sam Jay.
[02:36:02]  Young Taco, you know, Travis.
[02:36:04]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:36:05]  Really funny kid.
[02:36:06]  Good kid.
[02:36:06]  He's in the movie.
[02:36:06]  There's like a really great cast.
[02:36:08]  You are so Hollywood.
[02:36:08]  Yo, my boy BG, Brian Greenberg.
[02:36:11]  How to Make It America.
[02:36:12]  How to Make it America.
[02:36:13]  He's great.
[02:36:13]  Jordan first, but like, dude, there's people who are really talented, far more talented than me in this movie, okay?
[02:36:18]  And that sucks when you're sitting there knowing it.
[02:36:20]  Yeah.
[02:36:20]  And your line's coming up like, oh, boy, I'm about to tank this scene.
[02:36:24]  Ruin it for everyone.
[02:36:26]  When you bomb on stage by yourself, it's on you.
[02:36:28]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[02:36:28]  But when you bring a scene to a screeching halt in front of Eddie Murphy, dog, like, oh my God.
[02:36:35]  It's crazy.
[02:36:36]  Okay.
[02:36:36]  So anyway, first time I meet Eddie Murphy, we're sitting down.
[02:36:38]  Four people on this side, four people on this side.
[02:36:40]  Sorry, three people on this side.
[02:36:41]  One empty chair.
[02:36:42]  All of a sudden, the GOAT walks in.
[02:36:44]  Eddie Murphy walks in.
[02:36:45]  Fuck yo.
[02:36:46]  Sits down.
[02:36:47]  Okay.
[02:36:47]  Now, before he comes in, I'm trying to rile everybody up.
[02:36:51]  I know I'm with like Hollywood folks, so I'm asking them things like, you know, do you recognize Taiwan?
[02:36:56]  Like, I'm just trying to get everybody uncomfortable because that's just how I know how to, you know, socialize.
[02:37:01]  Bully.
[02:37:01]  Exactly.
[02:37:02]  Yeah.
[02:37:02]  Actors socialize differently.
[02:37:04]  They socialize through acting.
[02:37:06]  Like, so they'll like make a fake scenario and then like play in it.
[02:37:09]  So they'll be like, oh yeah, actually, like, I lost my leg in the war.
[02:37:13]  Oh, yeah, which war was it?
[02:37:15]  And they'll do like the improv games, but like for fun.
[02:37:18]  That's so awful.
[02:37:19]  It's odd.
[02:37:20]  It's super peculiar, but it really helps, like, in terms of when you got to do the acting.
[02:37:25]  I mean, comics do the same thing, right?
[02:37:27]  But do they?
[02:37:28]  If you hate with comics, but I mean like they're just making jokes and like tagging up jokes.
[02:37:30]  Yeah, but jokes aren't like that.
[02:37:31]  I don't like those.
[02:37:32]  I don't like that.
[02:37:32]  That's just how comics are.
[02:37:33]  No, no, I don't like that.
[02:37:35]  I always feel weird with that.
[02:37:36]  I'm like, what are we doing?
[02:37:37]  Like, making fun of somebody or justifying something awful.
[02:37:41]  Yeah.
[02:37:41]  But the thing where we like play the game, we're like, I'm a pilot.
[02:37:44]  And be like, oh, yeah, you are.
[02:37:45]  You're a pilot.
[02:37:46]  It's just weird for me.
[02:37:47]  I don't know how to do it.
[02:37:48]  I don't know how to do it.
[02:37:48]  But it helps them be better actors.
[02:37:50]  They're practicing.
[02:37:51]  They're warming up.
[02:37:51]  And it must work.
[02:37:53]  Okay.
[02:37:53]  I'm trying to do it.
[02:37:54]  I don't know how to do it.
[02:37:56]  Do you know what I mean?
[02:37:56]  They're setting up these little scenarios.
[02:37:58]  Like, yeah, so New York, you know, you grew up.
[02:38:00]  Like, what was it like?
[02:38:01]  Like, seeing crack addicts all the time.
[02:38:02]  And I'm like, Taiwan.
[02:38:05]  I don't know what to say, right?
[02:38:06]  You recognize Taiwan or not?
[02:38:08]  The trans people.
[02:38:08]  How do you feel about them?
[02:38:10]  Right?
[02:38:11]  So, this is what I get the group discussing Chappelle's the closer and asking what their opinions are on it.
[02:38:16]  Yeah.
[02:38:17]  Okay.
[02:38:18]  We're discussing it.
[02:38:19]  Everybody's discussing.
[02:38:20]  We're having this conversation.
[02:38:21]  It's cool.
[02:38:22]  Everything's interesting.
[02:38:23]  Boom.
[02:38:23]  Everything's fun.
[02:38:24]  All of a sudden, Eddie comes in, everybody silent.
[02:38:27]  I mean, Voldemort entered the motherfucking room.
[02:38:29]  I mean, there's not a single fucking voice.
[02:38:31]  It's a casino.
[02:38:32]  I don't even think the slot machines was real.
[02:38:34]  Like, you didn't hear nothing when this guy walked in.
[02:38:36]  It was unbelievable.
[02:38:38]  And he sits down and I'm like, okay, I got to break the ice.
[02:38:41]  So I lock in the sentence in my head, right?
[02:38:44]  I go, I'm going, hey, Eddie, what do you think about trannies?
[02:38:48]  That's that was what I was going to say.
[02:38:49]  Okay.
[02:38:50]  That's what I was going to say.
[02:38:51]  Eddie, what do you think about training?
[02:38:52]  I'm like, it's going to break the ice.
[02:38:53]  He's going to know we're comedians.
[02:38:55]  He's going to laugh a little bit and then give his opinion on the Chappelle thing because he knows what's going on.
[02:39:00]  Yeah.
[02:39:00]  And then a second before, the sentence is locked in my head, right?
[02:39:04]  Ready to go.
[02:39:05]  Ready to go, right?
[02:39:06]  The second before I say it, I remember that a few decades ago, he picked up a trans prostitute and got the trans prostitute got arrested when he was out for a ride and whatever.
[02:39:17]  Back before it was like acceptable to do that.
[02:39:19]  Bro.
[02:39:20]  And he got fucking dragged for it.
[02:39:21]  He got dragged.
[02:39:22]  Dragged.
[02:39:22]  Get it.
[02:39:23]  Yes, I got that, like the pun intent.
[02:39:26]  And so I don't say that because that would have obviously ruined it.
[02:39:30]  But once you lock in a sentence and then you can't say it, you got nothing left.
[02:39:32]  I haven't said anything since.
[02:39:35]  I haven't said anything since.
[02:39:36]  I just look at him.
[02:39:36]  I stare at him like a baby.
[02:39:38]  I'm like a newborn baby.
[02:39:39]  I've heard that's Eddie's a fair.
[02:39:40]  I've heard that about Eddie and Michael Jordan.
[02:39:43]  When they sit anywhere, even if there's other famous people, everything stops and everybody looks at them.
[02:39:47]  You just stop you looking at him.
[02:39:48]  I was listening to him have a conversation.
[02:39:50]  He's not even talking to me.
[02:39:51]  Yeah.
[02:39:51]  Whenever he said something kind of funny, I would laugh.
[02:39:54]  I'm not even in the conversation.
[02:39:56]  He's having a private conversation.
[02:39:58]  And he's like, yeah, it's just like when the motor turns on and then he starts acting out the motor.
[02:40:01]  And I'm like, sitting across from him, like laughing awkwardly at this.
[02:40:08]  So I'm like frozen out from that.
[02:40:10]  And that I didn't know what the fuck to do.
[02:40:11]  That was kind of a wild experience.
[02:40:13]  And then after that, bro, we had one scene and I had one line and it was a little bit, I didn't know how to get it out.
[02:40:19]  I didn't even know what it meant.
[02:40:22]  I didn't even know what the line meant.
[02:40:23]  I didn't know how to get it out.
[02:40:24]  This is on me.
[02:40:25]  I should have found a way to fucking deliver it.
[02:40:26]  I'm saying a line to Eddie.
[02:40:28]  I said a line to him once.
[02:40:29]  He tried to like improv back with me once, but it was so weird.
[02:40:33]  He was like, Wait, improv back.
[02:40:35]  So you improv?
[02:40:36]  No, the line was like kind of like the director was really great.
[02:40:39]  He gave me a line in a scene that I didn't have a line.
[02:40:41]  He's been really awesome to me.
[02:40:41]  Kenya's been awesome to me.
[02:40:43]  And I said the line to your Eddie, and I say the line to you, right?
[02:40:47]  And let's say the line is, well, I'm going to go get some paper.
[02:40:49]  You want to go get some paper?
[02:40:50]  Let's get some paper.
[02:40:51]  Like, let's say that's a line.
[02:40:52]  And he just looks at me.
[02:40:53]  He goes, Yeah.
[02:41:01]  Bro, bro.
[02:41:03]  I asked Jonah.
[02:41:05]  I asked Jonah, right?
[02:41:06]  I'm struggling.
[02:41:07]  I'm fucking feeling hot.
[02:41:08]  I got sweat dripping down my body.
[02:41:10]  There's fucking sluts everywhere, dude.
[02:41:12]  I'm wheezing.
[02:41:13]  We're in a strip club.
[02:41:15]  There's strippers everywhere.
[02:41:16]  There's girls, tits, ass, asses clapping everywhere.
[02:41:20]  It's already an anxious scene.
[02:41:21]  You know what I mean?
[02:41:22]  I'm like, I'm getting married in a few weeks.
[02:41:25]  You know what I mean?
[02:41:25]  I got surrounded by sluts.
[02:41:26]  There's fucking Eddie Murphy right across from me, right?
[02:41:28]  I'm bombing his fucking line.
[02:41:30]  He just said, yeah.
[02:41:31]  And then just stopped and nothing else.
[02:41:33]  And then, Cut, can you try it again?
[02:41:35]  You know, they're never like, they don't tell you.
[02:41:37]  Nobody's ever nice to you.
[02:41:38]  No one's ever like real with you on a set.
[02:41:40]  But they always go, great, great.
[02:41:41]  But can you try it?
[02:41:42]  That means horrible.
[02:41:44]  Great, great.
[02:41:44]  But can you just try like that?
[02:41:46]  You sound like Dove.
[02:41:46]  That's a Dove move right there.
[02:41:48]  Dove is LA, baby.
[02:41:49]  Dove is Hollywood.
[02:41:50]  He gets it.
[02:41:50]  24 hours before this, Andrew was in his head.
[02:41:53]  Eddie Murphy was joining the infamous tour.
[02:41:55]  Like, we're going vacation with Eddie.
[02:41:57]  Like, this is what he did the movie for.
[02:42:00]  100%.
[02:42:01]  24 hours before this.
[02:42:02]  100%.
[02:42:02]  I was thinking he was going to be a pop-in, guaranteed.
[02:42:04]  Radio City music hall.
[02:42:05]  Eddie Murphy's going to be there.
[02:42:06]  He's going to do stand-up for the first time.
[02:42:08]  There's no chance.
[02:42:09]  There's no chance.
[02:42:10]  There's no, dude, the way that I delivered this line, I think he was like, comedy's dead.
[02:42:15]  I think he felt in that moment.
[02:42:17]  I asked Jonah for help.
[02:42:18]  I asked Jonah Hill for help at the line.
[02:42:20]  I was like, dude, do you have any like advice on his line?
[02:42:22]  I'm kind of struggling.
[02:42:22]  He goes, he goes, yeah, just don't say it so people turn off the movie immediately.
[02:42:26]  He's like, I go, he goes, he goes, could you try to say it in a way where they just don't stop streaming the movie immediately?
[02:42:32]  Like, see the way you're saying it now?
[02:42:34]  Like, the way you're saying it now, they'll just stop the movie.
[02:42:37]  And then he just is.
[02:42:40]  Dude, he's on a run.
[02:42:41]  He said you're getting bullied by Jenny.
[02:42:43]  So I was getting bullied by him, bro.
[02:42:45]  I was getting bullied by him.
[02:42:46]  And I don't even know what's going on because it doesn't click at first because I'm like, he's not going to bully me, right?
[02:42:51]  I'll body slam this kid.
[02:42:52]  Right?
[02:42:52]  And then he kept on going in.
[02:42:55]  He's like, yeah, yeah.
[02:42:56]  So you just say it so it doesn't suck.
[02:42:57]  Like, you know how you were saying it where it sucks?
[02:43:00]  Try not doing that.
[02:43:01]  Like, I mean, like, hammer after hammer.
[02:43:05]  There's sluts everywhere.
[02:43:06]  They're like, stop twerking.
[02:43:08]  They're just seeing me get fucking bullied, right?
[02:43:10]  Like, I honestly didn't know how to talk for like 24 hours after that.
[02:43:14]  I was super nervous, bro.
[02:43:15]  You should have slapped Jonah just to get you back.
[02:43:18]  I almost had to.
[02:43:19]  I almost had to.
[02:43:19]  If you go back there, you got to slap him in the mouth.
[02:43:21]  So I had, I had a couple of in front of Eddie.
[02:43:23]  I had to just to get the respect back.
[02:43:25]  Just to get the respect back.
[02:43:26]  Comedy's not dead.
[02:43:27]  You're fucking right.
[02:43:28]  The king is here.
[02:43:28]  You're fucking.
[02:43:29]  Yo, it's Game of Thrones.
[02:43:30]  You did the walk of shame, Cersei, like the bitch that you are, Cersei.
[02:43:34]  And now you got to get your dick back, dog.
[02:43:36]  Slap that motherfucker in his mouth.
[02:43:38]  Wait, that was day one?
[02:43:39]  That was ever.
[02:43:39]  Day one, dude.
[02:43:40]  All right.
[02:43:40]  Sonny ain't been back since.
[02:43:41]  Ain't no day two.
[02:43:42]  I was broken after day one.
[02:43:43]  Absolute fever.
[02:43:44]  Guys, sent us a four-minute Patreon question the next day.
[02:43:47]  Yeah, two takes.
[02:43:49]  I needed two takes.
[02:43:51]  Still needed two takes.
[02:43:52]  You look at yourself in the mirror.
[02:43:53]  You're like, oh, good, good.
[02:43:54]  Can we try that again?
[02:43:55]  I just needed another one.
[02:43:56]  Bro, it is a hard ass.
[02:43:58]  Hey, this acting shit, son.
[02:44:00]  You're just sitting there.
[02:44:01]  You have no clue if it's good, if it's bad.
[02:44:04]  Like, I knew it was bad, but like, you just have no clue.
[02:44:06]  They knew it was bad.
[02:44:06]  Remember?
[02:44:07]  Eddie let you know.
[02:44:08]  Eddie let you know.
[02:44:08]  Jonah let you know.
[02:44:09]  Said, I did one take with him while he was there, and then the next day.
[02:44:14]  He just left.
[02:44:15]  I didn't have to stunt him.
[02:44:16]  I had a chair.
[02:44:17]  They were just like, look here for eyeline.
[02:44:19]  And I was like, all right.
[02:44:20]  I mean, at least his chair don't look disappointed.
[02:44:24]  His chair don't look at me.
[02:44:26]  Like, there's no point in him being there.
[02:44:27]  Am I wasting his time?
[02:44:28]  That's a, I mean, whatever.
[02:44:31]  Acting sucks.
[02:44:32]  Is this how you imagine meeting your childhood hero?
[02:44:36]  Oh, my God.
[02:44:36]  You probably dreamed of meeting your childhood hero a lot, right?
[02:44:39]  Say what?
[02:44:39]  You probably dreamed of meeting your childhood hero a lot, right?
[02:44:42]  How did you think it was going to go?
[02:44:43]  You just thought.
[02:44:44]  No, I thought it was going to go different.
[02:44:45]  Don't ever meet yourself.
[02:44:45]  You know what I say?
[02:44:46]  Never meet your heroes.
[02:44:47]  Really?
[02:44:47]  It's don't let them meet you.
[02:44:48]  Don't let them meet you because they'll be disappointed.
[02:44:50]  Because this was a big deal for him.
[02:44:51]  Oh, yeah.
[02:44:52]  This is a big deal for him.
[02:44:53]  I'm sure he's heard.
[02:44:54]  He's probably heard of you.
[02:44:55]  He probably heard of you.
[02:44:58]  You know, he heard of Andrew Schultz.
[02:45:00]  It's theAndrew Schultz of theAndrewSchultz.com of Andrew Schultz is figuring too.

=== Meeting Childhood Heroes Outside (02:23) ===

[02:45:04]  That's a fact.
[02:45:05]  Let me tell you something.
[02:45:07]  Hollywood don't even know anything exists outside of Hollywood.
[02:45:10]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[02:45:11]  I can do it.
[02:45:12]  I know there's Hollywood doesn't know anything exists outside of Hollywood.
[02:45:15]  That is the most important thing in the world.
[02:45:17]  And once you're in that world, you realize why they activate it.
[02:45:22]  You know, team doing well, see the hype, spend a lot of money.
[02:45:26]  Team doing poorly, sitting down, ain't spending no money.
[02:45:29]  And it's been, you know, we've had some times in Dallas.
[02:45:32]  And I say, dang, man, God ain't gonna let you.
[02:45:34]  You should have just left me alone.
[02:45:36]  I wouldn't bother nobody in that hotel room.
[02:45:39]  You left me alone because he didn't live that thing.
[02:45:41]  How many got to call me?
[02:45:42]  How many ladies in the hotel room?
[02:45:45]  Oh, CTE.
[02:45:47]  CTE.
[02:45:49]  I can't recall.
[02:45:50]  CTE.
[02:45:51]  This is where you can use certain things to your advantage.
[02:45:55]  This is what you do.
[02:45:56]  Right there, right there.
[02:45:58]  That's what I'm saying.
[02:46:05]  Oh, my God.
[02:46:05]  And it's so funny.
[02:46:07]  I meet people all the time.
[02:46:08]  They be like, Michael, we met.
[02:46:11]  Do you remember?
[02:46:11]  We met.
[02:46:12]  I said, met where?
[02:46:13]  It was at one of those.
[02:46:15]  I said, CTE.
[02:46:16]  I don't remember none of that.
[02:46:20]  No, no, no, no.
[02:46:22]  What's your name?
[02:46:24]  Putting in a dollar.
[02:46:25]  What's your name?
[02:46:26]  Put a dollar in his name.
[02:46:28]  I said, CTE.
[02:46:30]  I don't remember none of it.
[02:46:32]  I took too many hits.
[02:46:37]  Okay, so no hotel memories.
[02:46:38]  No.
[02:46:39]  No, not hotel memories.
[02:46:40]  He had his own house.
[02:46:41]  It wasn't a hotel.
[02:46:42]  It was his own house.
[02:46:43]  Well, it started out as a hotel.
[02:46:44]  It started as a hotel, but that got expensive.
[02:46:46]  Isn't that expensive?
[02:46:47]  I appreciate somebody who's a born.
[02:46:48]  It's going to sound like it was an all-the-time thing when I say it got expensive.
[02:46:52]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:46:52]  It got expensive.
[02:46:53]  Yeah, expensive enough to buy a house.
[02:46:55]  That's it.
[02:46:56]  Yeah.
[02:46:57]  Yeah, please.
[02:46:57]  I think I can tell you this.
[02:46:58]  Why it got expensive?
[02:47:00]  It's not that it was an all-the-time thing, but it was, I'm 100%.
[02:47:04]  Yes, yes, I'm aware.
[02:47:06]  Best way to explain is I'm 100%.
[02:47:10]  And when you got me focused on one thing, I can go hard at it.
[02:47:14]  I'm gonna go with something else.
[02:47:15]  I'll go hard at it.
[02:47:16]  Yeah, so, so, so, so, I had to leave the hotels because what happened was, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I wouldn't just stay in one room.

=== Hotel Elevator Animal Stories (14:58) ===

[02:47:27]  Oh, right, right, right, right.
[02:47:29]  So, so I would have 101, 201, 301 right by the elevator, right?
[02:47:37]  So, I'm up in 101, what is up in 301?
[02:47:41]  And I rode elevators.
[02:47:43]  Can I tell you where I lose a little respect?
[02:47:45]  Just put them in one room.
[02:47:46]  No, no, because there are different people in the game, different people in the game now.
[02:47:54]  And I would say this in my young years, these are my young years, folks.
[02:47:58]  Don't take the now.
[02:47:58]  My young year, I would come off the football field where I was double teamed.
[02:48:07]  I said, Well, wait a minute.
[02:48:08]  You can't go to single covers in the hotel.
[02:48:12]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:48:13]  Who are you?
[02:48:15]  So, so, right.
[02:48:16]  So, so when you know, go find your corner, go find your safety.
[02:48:22]  And come on back.
[02:48:23]  I'm just joking.
[02:48:27]  It's comedy.
[02:48:28]  Yeah.
[02:48:30]  It's comedy.
[02:48:30]  It's a comedy podcast.
[02:48:32]  I get bullshit.
[02:48:34]  You ain't lying, though.
[02:48:36]  You are not lying.
[02:48:37]  Not one lie has been told.
[02:48:38]  That's true.
[02:48:39]  I've been diving into Rome a little bit, the Roman Empire.
[02:48:42]  I saw you tweet about this.
[02:48:43]  I was wondering where this came from.
[02:48:44]  My mind was blown.
[02:48:45]  Because I'm starting to research the Roman Empire, and you always hear about these things that are happening in the big stadium.
[02:48:51]  What the fuck was it called?
[02:48:52]  The Coliseum.
[02:48:52]  The Coliseum.
[02:48:53]  Okay.
[02:48:54]  Things are happening.
[02:48:55]  I'm not even researching that much, apparently, but all these things are.
[02:48:58]  The Barclays of Rome.
[02:48:58]  What is it called again?
[02:48:59]  Exactly.
[02:49:00]  And then they make it.
[02:49:01]  Don't ever say the Barclays of Rome ever again.
[02:49:03]  The disrespect in the colony.
[02:49:04]  It wasn't that nice.
[02:49:05]  The Coliseum wasn't that nice.
[02:49:06]  It was the only one there was.
[02:49:08]  It was open air.
[02:49:08]  You know what I mean?
[02:49:09]  If it was the Garden of Rome, it would be way nicer.
[02:49:11]  You want a dome back then?
[02:49:14]  Yeah, 20-so people were getting massacred in the Coliseum.
[02:49:17]  Knicks getting massacred in the garden.
[02:49:18]  Exactly.
[02:49:19]  Perfectly.
[02:49:19]  It makes sense.
[02:49:20]  Way more massacres.
[02:49:21]  So, yeah, the visitors were massacred, too.
[02:49:24]  Like the animals would come in.
[02:49:25]  They were playing away games.
[02:49:26]  Tigers just mauling these fucking Romans.
[02:49:28]  Yeah, the Romans are the Knicks.
[02:49:29]  So I'm looking up this Roman Empire, right?
[02:49:31]  And you always see this big thing.
[02:49:32]  And they make such a big deal about like, oh, they have these waterways under there, and they can have these ships floating and all that other stuff.
[02:49:39]  And they make that seem like it's the biggest invention that's ever happened in history.
[02:49:42]  It's pretty wild.
[02:49:43]  It's kind of wild, right?
[02:49:45]  It's kind of wild.
[02:49:45]  It's like creating wild.
[02:49:47]  It's impressive, but let's just back up for one more second, right?
[02:49:49]  I got cousins don't got aqueducts now.
[02:49:51]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[02:49:52]  No, you're pathetic.
[02:49:53]  Your people are pathetic.
[02:49:54]  There's no question.
[02:49:55]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:49:56]  Cousins here in America.
[02:49:57]  We smelled them.
[02:49:59]  Okay, so yes, it's obviously impressive for the time, the aqueducts, 100%.
[02:50:03]  But what I'm looking at these, and they make a big deal.
[02:50:05]  The ships, they made a big deal about like the humans fighting the tigers and humans fighting these elephants and all the things that would happen inside the Coliseum, right?
[02:50:12]  And then I'm looking at these videos and it dawned on me.
[02:50:14]  I'm like, how the fuck did they get these animals to Rome?
[02:50:21]  I'm going, you have a rhinoceros.
[02:50:24]  They had a rhinoceros.
[02:50:26]  This is one of the most dangerous animals on the planet now.
[02:50:31]  2,000 years ago, some Romans transported a rhinoceros.
[02:50:36]  This is before I just shoot you with some tranquilizer.
[02:50:39]  You pass out for a fucking month.
[02:50:42]  And then now you're in Rome.
[02:50:43]  Like this is what they do with King Kong, right?
[02:50:45]  They shoot him with the trank to get the guy over there.
[02:50:48]  And this is in now in fake, right?
[02:50:50]  Back in the day, it is not like they had fucking Hummers or nothing like that.
[02:50:54]  You are hauling a rhinoceros, an elephant, tigers, lions from other parts of the world to Rome.
[02:51:02]  That's the most fucking impressive thing.
[02:51:04]  I mean, it's mind-boggling.
[02:51:06]  Yeah.
[02:51:07]  This is how crazy it is.
[02:51:08]  At one point, at one festival, 2,000 gladiators, 70 lions, 40 wild horses, 30 elephants, 30 leopards, 20 wild donkeys, 19 giraffes, 10 antelopes, 10 hyenas, 10 tigers, 1 hippo, and one rhino.
[02:51:23]  Son, it's so crazy.
[02:51:24]  Noah put all that on one ship, dog.
[02:51:26]  Come on.
[02:51:27]  You a Bible boy.
[02:51:28]  You know what it is.
[02:51:28]  This shit ain't impressive.
[02:51:30]  I thought they did.
[02:51:31]  That they scooped up so many animals from around the world, the animals started to go extinct.
[02:51:38]  Yeah.
[02:51:40]  Now animals go extinct.
[02:51:41]  And we're like, all right, well, we got all these machines.
[02:51:43]  You're scooping up all the fish from the water.
[02:51:44]  You see conspiracy.
[02:51:45]  You see all the poach.
[02:51:46]  And they say, we're talking about dudes in sandals and the skirts with the pointy bottoms running around getting fucking dangerous lions gone from Greece.
[02:51:57]  You know what I mean?
[02:51:58]  Like, I'm like, holy shit, how the fuck did they do this?
[02:52:00]  So I'm watching this video.
[02:52:01]  You know how they would get the tigers?
[02:52:03]  This is the ballsiest shit in the world.
[02:52:04]  How the fuck do we not have movies made about this?
[02:52:06]  Fuck Morpheus.
[02:52:07]  Or what was the guy in the Coliseum?
[02:52:08]  No, that's major.
[02:52:09]  Just a major.
[02:52:10]  Don't say fuck Morpheus.
[02:52:11]  Put some respect on it.
[02:52:12]  Maximus Decimus.
[02:52:13]  Maximus.
[02:52:13]  Fucking Maxim.
[02:52:14]  Fucking Marcus.
[02:52:14]  Commander of the armies of the North.
[02:52:16]  Fuck Maximus.
[02:52:17]  Light work, the Maximus shit.
[02:52:18]  This is what they would do.
[02:52:19]  You want tigers?
[02:52:20]  You're in Africa, right?
[02:52:21]  You going to get these tigers?
[02:52:23]  Okay.
[02:52:23]  You are on a horse.
[02:52:25]  What's faster than a horse?
[02:52:27]  A fucking tiger.
[02:52:28]  You got to get the cubs.
[02:52:29]  So what you do is when the mom walks away from the cubs, you scoop up all the fucking cubs, right?
[02:52:34]  You start rolling on a horse, right?
[02:52:36]  The tiger mom starts to catch up.
[02:52:39]  You drop one cub.
[02:52:41]  The mom instinctually grabs the cub, takes it back to the nest, then runs after you again.
[02:52:46]  You keep moving.
[02:52:47]  You drop another cub.
[02:52:48]  You keep dropping cubs until eventually you're far enough away or she runs out of energy.
[02:52:53]  And maybe you got one or two and then you bring those back.
[02:52:56]  Son, how many motherfuckers had to die?
[02:52:59]  How many motherfuckers had to die in order for them to lose?
[02:53:02]  Use that is this what you're doing?
[02:53:05]  This is your thing?
[02:53:06]  Is this how you're just kidnapping?
[02:53:09]  I'm going to be unimpressed by the most impressive things.
[02:53:12]  This is not that impressive, yo.
[02:53:13]  The Coliseum's crazy impressive.
[02:53:15]  Indoor plumbing back then is crazy impressive.
[02:53:18]  You're talking about stealing babies.
[02:53:20]  The fucking parents are.
[02:53:22]  Indoor plumbing is the easiest thing.
[02:53:24]  The reason why they didn't invent it is because people were terrified of water.
[02:53:27]  Not because it was hard.
[02:53:28]  You take the water, you put it in shit.
[02:53:30]  Water killed people back in the day.
[02:53:32]  So you're like, why would I put it in things?
[02:53:34]  They had cleaned it hard.
[02:53:35]  No, they didn't have clean water.
[02:53:36]  All water killed people.
[02:53:38]  Don't stop killing people.
[02:53:39]  Aqueducts are just killing everybody.
[02:53:40]  Aqueducts are just killing everybody.
[02:53:42]  Water killed people back in the day.
[02:53:43]  People would drink water.
[02:53:44]  Babies would drink cider.
[02:53:45]  They drink alcoholic cider.
[02:53:46]  You give it to a baby because water is.
[02:53:48]  The aqueducts are just killing everybody.
[02:53:49]  No, motherfucker.
[02:53:51]  You have to move the ships on something.
[02:53:53]  But having water is easy.
[02:53:55]  So the aqueducts were giving them water that wasn't drinkable.
[02:53:58]  Yeah, they weren't drinking water.
[02:53:59]  They weren't drinking water.
[02:54:00]  Nobody drank water.
[02:54:01]  No, they drank alcohol.
[02:54:02]  People drank alcohol until like the 1500s or some shit like that.
[02:54:06]  Dude, once they started, they literally went until when?
[02:54:10]  Because it wasn't from the dawn of time until 1500.
[02:54:13]  I do believe there was a time period where people thought water could kill you.
[02:54:16]  It did kill you.
[02:54:17]  But I also think having indoor plumbing is pretty fucking crazy.
[02:54:21]  They just gamed the fucking mom lion.
[02:54:23]  The end of the Sun King.
[02:54:24]  After the Sun King in France, they started going, all right, maybe we could drink some water.
[02:54:28]  And then they would do like tea and coffee and that kind of stuff because it was heated up.
[02:54:31]  But they had this huge distrust of water.
[02:54:33]  Couldn't do it.
[02:54:35]  And then I looked this shit up.
[02:54:36]  Who was the first culture to really fuck with tea?
[02:54:39]  The Muzies.
[02:54:40]  I assume us.
[02:54:41]  Moozies have their intellectual breakthrough after coffee.
[02:54:44]  Oh.
[02:54:45]  Son, if you look at, this is the crazy thing.
[02:54:47]  I'm like getting into my YouTube conspiracy shit again.
[02:54:50]  Bro, imagine this.
[02:54:51]  Imagine your society, right?
[02:54:53]  And you're just drinking alcohol all day.
[02:54:55]  That's all you do is drink alcohol.
[02:54:57]  And then you switch from alcohol to coffee.
[02:54:59]  Think of the productivity.
[02:55:01]  Yeah.
[02:55:02]  You go from being drunk all day.
[02:55:03]  Through the roof.
[02:55:04]  Through the roof.
[02:55:05]  And that's where you have these like, you know, this breakthroughs of intelligentsia.
[02:55:08]  You have these French people thinking of ideas all of a sudden.
[02:55:10]  Yeah.
[02:55:11]  Right?
[02:55:11]  When they're not just letting food just rot because they're drunk all day.
[02:55:14]  Like, oh, I guess it's cheese.
[02:55:16]  Yeah.
[02:55:16]  That's marvelous.
[02:55:18]  I can't believe you think cheese is more impressive than bringing a fucking rhinoceros from South Cheese to Rome.
[02:55:22]  Coffee.
[02:55:23]  You know why I didn't?
[02:55:24]  Because they're just gaming the mother lion's instincts.
[02:55:27]  You just take advantage of her instincts.
[02:55:28]  That's all.
[02:55:29]  I was with you until he said people never drink water.
[02:55:31]  I was like, that's just stupid.
[02:55:33]  He was with him before that.
[02:55:34]  You and I looked at each other.
[02:55:36]  How was it?
[02:55:36]  But then he's like, people didn't drink water.
[02:55:39]  He's going to be doing it.
[02:55:41]  He's been winning with it.
[02:55:43]  At the end of the day, all he is is the 60s.
[02:55:47]  People didn't drink water.
[02:55:48]  People didn't drink water until the Industrial Revolution.
[02:55:50]  This has to be one of the dumbest takes you ever had.
[02:55:52]  People didn't drink water.
[02:55:54]  People didn't drink water.
[02:55:55]  You said you could do brain surgery.
[02:55:56]  I just can't believe that you are going to take the position of it's not impressive to take a rhinoceros anywhere, even now.
[02:56:02]  They just stole cubs, yo.
[02:56:04]  I thought they were taking grown-ass animals on there.
[02:56:07]  That's where I was like, hold on.
[02:56:08]  I want to hear where this is going.
[02:56:09]  So I just felt a bit let down.
[02:56:11]  I thought, how are they going to game this fucking fast ass lion onto a boat?
[02:56:16]  Or just shoot the parents and steal the cubs.
[02:56:19]  They didn't have bullets back then.
[02:56:21]  Arrows.
[02:56:22]  Say what you just said again.
[02:56:23]  Arrows.
[02:56:24]  Say what you just said again.
[02:56:25]  Shoot the mother and steal the cubs.
[02:56:26]  Yeah.
[02:56:26]  But arrows?
[02:56:27]  Shoot an arrow into an elephant.
[02:56:29]  Shoot an arrow into a rhinoceros.
[02:56:31]  No, a lion.
[02:56:32]  We're talking lions.
[02:56:32]  We're talking about rhinoceros.
[02:56:35]  I was talking about alcohol.
[02:56:35]  I just said lion things.
[02:56:37]  Now you're moving to goal.
[02:56:38]  I just said lion.
[02:56:38]  Also, how do you know you're going to hit the?
[02:56:40]  What if you hit it and then it just comes at you?
[02:56:41]  You got the quick reload?
[02:56:43]  You're not fucking Achilles out here, though.
[02:56:44]  Take a few more.
[02:56:45]  You're bowling your ass.
[02:56:47]  You can't even go away on the Jeep Wrangler.
[02:56:50]  You got a horse and a horse looking at you like, fam, I'm not faster than a fucking lion.
[02:56:53]  It's over.
[02:56:54]  You're dead.
[02:56:55]  Now you guys are multiple people.
[02:56:57]  Multiple people, multiple teams.
[02:56:58]  People taking shots.
[02:56:59]  I thought we're going to get fucking adult animals onto this boat.
[02:57:03]  Son, I can't even baby.
[02:57:06]  It's going to be dusty.
[02:57:09]  They're fucking Jamie Spears with animals.
[02:57:11]  That's all they are.
[02:57:12]  They're just taking a bunch of animals and then fucking holding them captive.
[02:57:14]  That's it.
[02:57:15]  A bunch of babies.
[02:57:16]  This is, I cannot even, I can't play along.
[02:57:20]  I can't even play along.
[02:57:21]  I can't play along.
[02:57:22]  It's an interesting comedic approach.
[02:57:23]  It's a comedic lion.
[02:57:28]  It's an interesting comedic approach.
[02:57:30]  It's the story of the greatest empire in the world.
[02:57:33]  Because of the fucking animals?
[02:57:35]  Yes.
[02:57:36]  Not the college.
[02:57:37]  Something else is important.
[02:57:38]  Building things.
[02:57:39]  Architects and mongols that lasted for 2,000 years.
[02:57:42]  Building things as a fuck.
[02:57:43]  Rocks are heavy.
[02:57:44]  They don't go anywhere.
[02:57:45]  Rocks are heavy.
[02:57:46]  They don't go anywhere.
[02:57:46]  Oh, my God.
[02:57:47]  Rocks are heavy.
[02:57:48]  They don't go anywhere.
[02:57:49]  How'd they build it?
[02:57:50]  Rhinoceros?
[02:57:51]  They can move.
[02:57:52]  If you built the fucking pyramids out of rhinoceros, that's it.
[02:57:55]  How did they build a colisead?
[02:57:57]  There's no cranes back.
[02:57:58]  How did they build the construction equipment?
[02:58:00]  Just a couple of slaves doing the damn thing.
[02:58:02]  The Italians are still building things in New York.
[02:58:04]  It's what they do.
[02:58:04]  Yeah, but they got equipment.
[02:58:05]  They're standing on the side of the road, building shit, harassing women, walk by.
[02:58:09]  Same thing has been happening for the last 2,000 years.
[02:58:10]  That's impressive.
[02:58:11]  Yes.
[02:58:12]  Yes, they had no equipment.
[02:58:14]  Italians are fucking union witness now.
[02:58:15]  What do you need?
[02:58:16]  This is it.
[02:58:18]  You need equipment for that?
[02:58:19]  You need equipment to lift a fucking rock and put it somewhere.
[02:58:22]  Tony, crazy.
[02:58:23]  What are you talking about right now?
[02:58:24]  Now you care about equipment.
[02:58:25]  They did not do this.
[02:58:26]  You don't care about the equipment.
[02:58:27]  I'm using your same argument against you.
[02:58:29]  You don't care about the equipment.
[02:58:30]  I'm using your.
[02:58:31]  No, I don't.
[02:58:31]  I'd much rather.
[02:58:32]  You build a fucking Coliseum without equipment or you steal a baby animal without equipment.
[02:58:37]  Yeah, yeah.
[02:58:37]  The rocks don't fight back.
[02:58:39]  The rocks are at least heavy.
[02:58:41]  You just pick them a colour.
[02:58:42]  Rhinoceros isn't heavy?
[02:58:44]  How do you describe fat bitches?
[02:58:45]  Rhinoceros.
[02:58:45]  Not rockets.
[02:58:47]  You see a girl, you're like, yo, she looks like a rhinoceros.
[02:58:48]  She knows.
[02:58:49]  She looks like a rock from the Coliseum.
[02:58:50]  I'm going to do that shit.
[02:58:52]  Me and Mark could grab a baby rhinocera right now.
[02:58:54]  And then what happens when the mom comes through the whole audio?
[02:58:56]  Take that motherfucking down.
[02:58:57]  Throw some rocks at her.
[02:58:59]  See, you can throw the rocks.
[02:59:00]  You see what I'm saying?
[02:59:01]  You're using the rocks as weapons.
[02:59:03]  A baby rhinocera is wrong.
[02:59:06]  A baby rhinocera is a very funny way to say it.
[02:59:09]  But I'm with it.
[02:59:10]  It's just baby.
[02:59:11]  See what he's doing?
[02:59:12]  You got his back and he's still shitting.
[02:59:14]  I know.
[02:59:14]  You see what shit?
[02:59:16]  He's back with his fake argument and he's still shitting.
[02:59:18]  That's what he's doing.
[02:59:19]  It's not a fake argument.
[02:59:20]  Yours is a fake argument.
[02:59:21]  No, mine is real.
[02:59:22]  It's impressive to get a rhinoceros from Sudan to fucking.
[02:59:25]  What do you feed it?
[02:59:26]  What do you feed it?
[02:59:26]  You know what a rhinocera eat?
[02:59:28]  Who gives a fuck?
[02:59:29]  Feed them what you're eating.
[02:59:30]  Spaghetti.
[02:59:30]  You feed a spaghetti.
[02:59:32]  Akash, do you know what's happening?
[02:59:33]  It's the year negative 27.
[02:59:35]  Yeah, the rhinoceros can drink the body.
[02:59:37]  Why are you 27 out here?
[02:59:39]  Okay.
[02:59:39]  They went to the Sudan.
[02:59:41]  Okay.
[02:59:41]  Sudan isn't even Sudan.
[02:59:43]  It's just desert.
[02:59:44]  Sudan's still barely Sudan.
[02:59:45]  Exactly.
[02:59:46]  So imagine back then.
[02:59:47]  You got to deal with all that Sudanese shit.
[02:59:49]  Times 10.
[02:59:51]  Okay?
[02:59:52]  Now it's crazy to go to Sudan.
[02:59:54]  Imagine you went to Sudan right now to get a rhinocera and motherfuckers go crazy.
[02:59:57]  Back then?
[02:59:57]  Uh-uh.
[02:59:59]  Uh-uh.
[03:00:00]  Okay?
[03:00:01]  The fact that you're giving pushback on this is mind-boggling.
[03:00:05]  They might have got the run of the story.
[03:00:06]  It's mind-boggling.
[03:00:07]  If I said it was anything the Indians did, oh my God, I'd be the most amazing thing ever.
[03:00:11]  I'd be lying to myself.
[03:00:12]  I'll be lying to me.
[03:00:14]  I'd be with you, but I'd be lying to me.
[03:00:16]  I ain't really that impressive, huh?
[03:00:18]  What's something impressive?
[03:00:19]  Building a fucking circle out of stone.
[03:00:21]  Even English people could do that.
[03:00:23]  White people did that shit.
[03:00:25]  Yeah, y'all did that.
[03:00:26]  That's how easy that shit is.
[03:00:28]  Romans are white people.
[03:00:29]  Say what?
[03:00:30]  Romans are white people.
[03:00:31]  Everything you're talking about.
[03:00:31]  We're talking about British white people.
[03:00:33]  Real white people.
[03:00:34]  Stone Edge.
[03:00:35]  Oh, yeah.
[03:00:36]  Italians.
[03:00:36]  They're so fucking not white.
[03:00:39]  They're at least white of the white.
[03:00:40]  Sicilians.
[03:00:41]  They just became white in like 1930s.
[03:00:43]  Sicilians, maybe.
[03:00:44]  These fucking Italians we got now, these espresso drinking fucks up in Florence.
[03:00:48]  Those are white people.
[03:00:49]  We don't know.
[03:00:49]  We don't know.
[03:00:50]  Jersey Show white people.
[03:00:51]  They're famous.
[03:00:52]  Jersey Show Whites are white.
[03:00:53]  We didn't consider Irish people white.
[03:00:55]  Yeah, they were late conquers.
[03:00:56]  That's where white is from.
[03:00:57]  Yeah.
[03:00:58]  Yeah, like white, not everybody gets to be white.
[03:01:00]  Y'all are going to get there.
[03:01:01]  Y'all are going to get there.
[03:01:03]  I'm good.
[03:01:03]  I don't want to get it.
[03:01:04]  I'm good.
[03:01:04]  Let me tell you something.
[03:01:06]  If these Mexicans keep making babies, y'all are going to be white very bad.
[03:01:08]  They just started with Latinos.
[03:01:10]  They started making Latino.
[03:01:11]  They're going to separate.
[03:01:12]  Divide and conquer.
[03:01:12]  They started getting.
[03:01:15]  They have white and hot on the side.
[03:01:17]  I like that.
[03:01:17]  I wanted to be with you.
[03:01:18]  I did.
[03:01:19]  I was hyped, dog.
[03:01:21]  I was hyped.
[03:01:22]  I'm serious.
[03:01:22]  I'm an honest guy.
[03:01:23]  You have no respect for animals.
[03:01:25]  You want me to give you the.
[03:01:26]  You have no respect for animals.
[03:01:27]  No, I love animals.
[03:01:28]  I'm not sure if you're in kids, please.
[03:01:30]  Should dig into Roman literature while you're waiting for this 20-minute discussion.
[03:01:34]  But for the elephants, guys on horseback would basically lead and charge them into pre-dugout pits.
[03:01:43]  Yeah, this is it.
[03:01:44]  And the elephants would end up in the pits, and then they wouldn't feed it or give them water.
[03:01:48]  But I guess no one drank back then.
[03:01:50]  So they would get physically depleted.
[03:01:52]  Elephant strength, elephant strength.
[03:01:55]  And then they would capture it.
[03:01:56]  And then with bears, they would go into like...
[03:01:59]  Okay, the way they do bear on is light work.
[03:02:00]  Bear would be in the bear deck.
[03:02:04]  They would fire off some trumpets.
[03:02:05]  The bear would be disoriented.
[03:02:07]  Then they'd lead him into a predetermined net, catch him, and then take the limbs and tie them to wooden planks.
[03:02:13]  Now you got a bear with little boards, light work.
[03:02:16]  That is so impressive.
[03:02:18]  You see what a bear is.
[03:02:18]  That impresses me more than seeing the bear did to Leo and the Revenant.
[03:02:21]  And Leo should have done that.
[03:02:22]  That impresses me.
[03:02:23]  1,000 years before Revenant.
[03:02:24]  I was not even close.

=== Capturing Dangerous Bear Strength (10:47) ===

[03:02:25]  That's not even fucking more impressive.
[03:02:27]  2,000 years before Revenant, I'll hear hunters do shit if he's a fucking hunter.
[03:02:32]  They dug a hole and starved the animal, son.
[03:02:34]  That is not that impressive.
[03:02:36]  You never done that to a girlfriend who was gaining a little weight.
[03:02:40]  More pits.
[03:02:41]  They got the elephants.
[03:02:42]  You never got a girl back into competition shape.
[03:02:45]  Al.
[03:02:46]  Yo, the bear shit is impressive.
[03:02:47]  You never had a girl had to drop weight because you had a big party coming up in the basement.
[03:02:52]  Yo, get me some in the basement, please.
[03:02:55]  Lock the door.
[03:02:56]  I give you bears.
[03:02:57]  Bears is impressive.
[03:02:58]  Lions, they do the first thing.
[03:03:00]  Because bears more impressive than a rhinoceros.
[03:03:02]  You know what a rhinoceros is?
[03:03:03]  I think giraffes are the most impressive.
[03:03:04]  Okay, go.
[03:03:05]  You got to build a super big cage.
[03:03:07]  Thank you.
[03:03:07]  The tallest cage ever.
[03:03:08]  Thank you.
[03:03:09]  Like, literally?
[03:03:10]  Just let it.
[03:03:11]  I'm with him on the shit.
[03:03:12]  Think about how dull.
[03:03:13]  That cage is so tall.
[03:03:14]  Like, it's a little bit more.
[03:03:14]  So who's building a cage that tall?
[03:03:16]  Benoit's really thin and skinny and bad.
[03:03:18]  They don't even fight back.
[03:03:19]  Oh, they don't know.
[03:03:21]  You've never seen a bull giraffe fight.
[03:03:24]  You've never seen a bull giraffe fight?
[03:03:26]  That shit is like fucking Will Smith's daughter.
[03:03:28]  It's just whip your hair back and forth, dog.
[03:03:30]  Seriously, that's how they fight.
[03:03:31]  They headbutt.
[03:03:33]  That long neck.
[03:03:34]  Yeah.
[03:03:34]  Yeah, they got to get pretty far down.
[03:03:36]  They do it.
[03:03:37]  The golf, bro.
[03:03:38]  That's fucking top golf.
[03:03:39]  They're dangerous animals, bro.
[03:03:40]  You don't respect animals.
[03:03:42]  You don't respect nature.
[03:03:43]  I sure don't.
[03:03:43]  Fuck all the other Roman accomplishments.
[03:03:45]  This is the one.
[03:03:46]  Nothing they've done is impressive.
[03:03:47]  They fuck cubs.
[03:03:48]  Nothing they've done impressive outside of animals.
[03:03:50]  They steal cubs.
[03:03:51]  The bear shit, they're playing music, distracting a fucking grown-ass bear.
[03:03:54]  It's just kind of like, hey, that's cool.
[03:03:56]  You figured that out.
[03:03:57]  Yeah, what song did they play?
[03:03:58]  Disoriented a bear with motherfucking saints going marching in or whatever.
[03:04:02]  That's impressive to me.
[03:04:03]  It's a grown-ass bear.
[03:04:04]  An elephant, you starve it.
[03:04:05]  It's kind of fucked up, but that's...
[03:04:07]  I see how it's got to be.
[03:04:09]  I see how that's impressive.
[03:04:09]  You got to get them on the elephant.
[03:04:11]  You got to pick up the elephant.
[03:04:12]  You don't think Roman?
[03:04:13]  That's what I was saying.
[03:04:13]  Why'd you leave a cubs?
[03:04:15]  You just took cubs.
[03:04:16]  Because the mom would chase after the cubs.
[03:04:18]  Yeah, and then you drop one.
[03:04:20]  And you just constantly fail to come up with that idea.
[03:04:23]  That's not smart to come.
[03:04:25]  It has to fail first.
[03:04:26]  They didn't have the internet, so they have mad time to think about shit.
[03:04:29]  Oh, my God.
[03:04:30]  What about Roman numerals?
[03:04:32]  How could you figure it out?
[03:04:32]  How could you find a way to get this?
[03:04:34]  I know you're a boy.
[03:04:35]  I have a good ass point.
[03:04:37]  I'm not fucking bad time.
[03:04:38]  Yo, cut your phone off for one flight.
[03:04:41]  The ideas you're going to come up with during that one flight will be better than any Roman idea.
[03:04:46]  You guys have no respect for history or culture.
[03:04:48]  It sucks.
[03:04:49]  Do you know what I mean?
[03:04:50]  What did your people do?
[03:04:51]  Just sat around and fucking fucked and wrote it down.
[03:04:53]  Congrats.
[03:04:54]  Do you know what I mean?
[03:04:56]  Your greatest accomplishments are doing nothing.
[03:04:59]  But I'm not bringing him to the podcast to starve this shit off.
[03:05:02]  I just can't believe he's watching at home.
[03:05:04]  His mind is just blown.
[03:05:05]  He's like, yo, I can't wait.
[03:05:07]  I dropped this heat off the box.
[03:05:10]  You waited to drop that heat on the pot.
[03:05:19]  He's like, I'm a killie digging today, boy.
[03:05:27]  Y'all don't respect.
[03:05:28]  Y'all don't respect greatness, yo.
[03:05:30]  Y'all don't respect greatness.
[03:05:34]  I can't believe it.
[03:05:36]  What inspires y'all?
[03:05:38]  What inspires y'all?
[03:05:39]  You're not fucking stealing children.
[03:05:41]  What inspires you?
[03:05:42]  Yeah, that's some QAnon ass shit, bro.
[03:05:44]  And then if they don't believe that, yo, they ain't even drink water before the movements, baby.
[03:05:49]  I knew he was in trouble.
[03:05:50]  I was actually, I thought he was.
[03:05:50]  They didn't drink water.
[03:05:51]  They didn't drink water.
[03:05:52]  He was making no crazy lies.
[03:05:55]  They didn't drink no water.
[03:05:56]  It wasn't drinking water.
[03:05:58]  It wasn't drinking water.
[03:05:59]  I'm so excited, Peter, dog.
[03:06:01]  When you told me this more impressive than the Coliseum, I was like, yo, they did get animals.
[03:06:05]  How'd they get these animals?
[03:06:06]  Why is that?
[03:06:07]  And then that's just impressive.
[03:06:08]  Stealing children.
[03:06:09]  Up today, that's impressive, bro.
[03:06:11]  And I know we help.
[03:06:12]  It's just rocks.
[03:06:13]  It stays there.
[03:06:14]  It's like all the buildings we build are going to be here forever, too.
[03:06:16]  Oh, my God.
[03:06:17]  Son, when you saw the fucking pyramid, you were blown away.
[03:06:19]  Yeah, because it's heavy.
[03:06:21]  What's the difference?
[03:06:22]  The weight of it impressed me.
[03:06:23]  And the fact that they could do it 4,000 years ago.
[03:06:26]  Impressive.
[03:06:26]  If I knew if they were putting rhinoceros on top of the pyramid, that'd be way more impressive.
[03:06:31]  That'd be way more impressive.
[03:06:32]  If they put a rhinoceros at the top of the pyramid, if they got that, I'd be way more impressed.
[03:06:36]  Anything with rhinoceros, I'm impressed.
[03:06:38]  Balance.
[03:06:38]  Remember when Ace Ventura came out the back of a rhinoceros?
[03:06:41]  Yeah.
[03:06:41]  Greatest thing he's ever done in his career, Jim Carrey.
[03:06:44]  That's the greatest thing Jim Carrey ever done in his whole career.
[03:06:47]  That's the greatest thing he ever did.
[03:06:49]  And I'll be honest, I'm pretty sure it was a hippopotamus.
[03:06:51]  He came out.
[03:06:52]  It's still one of the greatest things he's ever done in his entire career.
[03:06:54]  Hippopotamus, I think.
[03:06:55]  Whatever.
[03:06:57]  It was a rhino.
[03:06:57]  Do you see that?
[03:06:58]  Oh, wow.
[03:06:59]  Do you see that?
[03:07:00]  Yeah, that was impressive.
[03:07:00]  He came out the rhino's ass.
[03:07:03]  Y'all need better inspiration.
[03:07:05]  Y'all need better inspiration in your lives.
[03:07:07]  Inspired by bullshit.
[03:07:10]  I hate all of y'all.
[03:07:11]  I hate all y'all.
[03:07:12]  I don't ever want to share anything motivational again.
[03:07:15]  I don't want to see that rhino so much.
[03:07:17]  I think it's because they got big noses.
[03:07:20]  He's like, brother?
[03:07:24]  I feel attacked.
[03:07:26]  Oh, my God.
[03:07:26]  Okay?
[03:07:27]  Also, I can't believe it.
[03:07:28]  That's why he's not impressed by the pyramids.
[03:07:30]  The Sphinx lost its nose.
[03:07:31]  Yeah, that's a good point.
[03:07:32]  That's what it is.
[03:07:32]  That's why he don't like it.
[03:07:33]  So apparently they did have water back in the day.
[03:07:35]  I Googled it.
[03:07:36]  No, they had water, Mark.
[03:07:37]  But could they drink it?
[03:07:38]  Of course, they had water.
[03:07:39]  You could say nobody died.
[03:07:40]  Did they drink it?
[03:07:41]  But they're not drinking it.
[03:07:43]  No.
[03:07:44]  Water exists.
[03:07:47]  Happy as fuck in 1920.
[03:07:48]  Could they drink the water?
[03:07:49]  This is an important thing.
[03:07:50]  No, they weren't drinking the water.
[03:07:51]  They weren't drinking the water.
[03:07:52]  Rich people weren't drinking the water.
[03:07:54]  Water now.
[03:07:54]  Rich people.
[03:07:57]  You move into gold.
[03:07:57]  Poor people don't have beer.
[03:07:58]  You move into gold.
[03:07:59]  Poor wine killed you.
[03:08:01]  Poor people don't have beer.
[03:08:02]  Poor people would die.
[03:08:03]  That's just what it was.
[03:08:04]  Rich people don't drink water now.
[03:08:05]  They drink wine.
[03:08:06]  It's still gonna mean you can't drink.
[03:08:07]  You know, rich people drink water.
[03:08:08]  So they would drink it from like the natural springs and then aqueduct it down.
[03:08:12]  Or if there was like a cholera outbreak, then they would boil the water.
[03:08:14]  And in some cases, they would use beer as a substitute.
[03:08:17]  Exactly.
[03:08:17]  They would drink beer.
[03:08:22]  They didn't drink water.
[03:08:23]  They didn't drink water.
[03:08:24]  Oh, please believe.
[03:08:25]  By the end of this podcast, the Roman Empire is the most impressive thing anyway.
[03:08:30]  Please believe.
[03:08:30]  They invented television.
[03:08:32]  Really?
[03:08:33]  They had television.
[03:08:34]  They were the first ones to have television.
[03:08:35]  They didn't even have iPhones.
[03:08:36]  No, they didn't have iPhones.
[03:08:37]  Guys, I don't ever want to share anything exciting with you guys ever again.
[03:08:43]  I just want to let you know.
[03:08:45]  Chifty, Chifty.
[03:08:46]  I want to talk to you later about the Roman Empire.
[03:08:48]  You're going to be really impressed.
[03:08:50]  This is why people have kids.
[03:08:51]  This is why people have kids.
[03:08:52]  I realize now.
[03:08:53]  That man was yelling at us because he wasn't impressed.
[03:08:55]  He thought I made a decision not to be impressed.
[03:08:58]  I never wanted to be violent to you.
[03:08:59]  When I told you about the fact that they put an elephant in the thing and you looked at me like I said, my girl's really funny.
[03:09:07]  You know what I mean?
[03:09:08]  Or just something like that.
[03:09:09]  And you gave me the same look.
[03:09:10]  Like it was equally impressive.
[03:09:14]  I wanted to punch you in your fucking.
[03:09:15]  I wanted to take your head.
[03:09:16]  I want to slam into the corner of the table.
[03:09:18]  Oh, man.
[03:09:19]  That's what we wanted to do.
[03:09:20]  Yeah, 100%.
[03:09:22]  100%.
[03:09:22]  I wanted that.
[03:09:24]  I wanted that.
[03:09:25]  I can't believe you guys couldn't find anything impressive in that.
[03:09:28]  I cannot wait.
[03:09:29]  I will remember this for the rest of my life.
[03:09:31]  I will remember this for the rest of my life.
[03:09:32]  When you guys are faking interest in some famous person's story, you're like, oh, wow, it's so hilarious.
[03:09:37]  I'm like, oh, is it?
[03:09:38]  Oh, is that hilarious?
[03:09:40]  That's pretty goddamn funny, isn't it?
[03:09:42]  You just led them with the wrong thing.
[03:09:43]  That's all.
[03:09:44]  If you taught us how they got the fucking tears, dog.
[03:09:47]  Suck dicks.
[03:09:49]  Suck dicks, suck dicks.
[03:09:50]  Let's go ahead with the wrong thing.
[03:09:52]  Rhino never fails.
[03:09:54]  You didn't leave it, Rhino.
[03:09:55]  You let him tigers.
[03:09:56]  What?
[03:09:57]  Tigers.
[03:09:57]  Tigers are pretty fucking impressive.
[03:09:59]  We watch the whole district.
[03:10:00]  I watched with Tiger King a whole documentary.
[03:10:02]  They're just kidding.
[03:10:03]  The world was enthralled.
[03:10:04]  Oh, we're tigers.
[03:10:04]  They're in the cage.
[03:10:05]  Not tigers in the fucking forest.
[03:10:06]  I wasn't impressed by him.
[03:10:08]  I was watching it like a fucking circus.
[03:10:11]  But I wasn't like, hot is Joe exotic.
[03:10:13]  Get these tigers in their cages.
[03:10:16]  Oh, man.
[03:10:17]  Unbelievable.
[03:10:22]  This is the least impressive take in history, right?
[03:10:24]  Roman Empire is pretty cool.
[03:10:26]  Was it?
[03:10:28]  What?
[03:10:29]  You guys couldn't catch a house cat.
[03:10:30]  I don't think either of you could catch a house cat.
[03:10:32]  I don't need to.
[03:10:33]  I don't know.
[03:10:35]  Because I don't want to catch a house cat.
[03:10:36]  You don't need to buy a fucking B-52 bomber.
[03:10:38]  It's still impressive.
[03:10:39]  That you can do it.
[03:10:40]  That's impressive.
[03:10:41]  Catch one.
[03:10:41]  Bang.
[03:10:41]  Caught.
[03:10:42]  Not worth it.
[03:10:43]  Give me a baby flag.
[03:10:44]  I'll catch a house cat right now.
[03:10:46]  No problem.
[03:10:47]  How do you do that?
[03:10:47]  Just catch that motherfucker.
[03:10:51]  Oh, fuck.
[03:10:52]  That was impressive to y'all?
[03:10:53]  No.
[03:10:53]  That was impressive.
[03:10:55]  It was impressive to you?
[03:10:56]  I was impressed.
[03:10:56]  Catching the cat?
[03:10:57]  Yeah, dog.
[03:10:58]  They need to move.
[03:10:58]  What was more impressive after they caught the shit and that cat was scratching the shit out of that motherfucker and they still held on to it?
[03:11:05]  That was the impressive one.
[03:11:06]  That's respectful.
[03:11:07]  Oh, look at the cat.
[03:11:07]  The cat is bugging out, like, biting and scratching his motherfucker.
[03:11:10]  He's like holding it by its head.
[03:11:12]  And then one other person grabs it and the cat's like mawing them apart.
[03:11:16]  Yeah.
[03:11:16]  Impressive.
[03:11:17]  The catch, yeah, mid.
[03:11:19]  It was actually a good catch.
[03:11:20]  Hold on, hold on, hold on.
[03:11:21]  Big ass flat.
[03:11:21]  Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
[03:11:23]  I just said they took a rhinoceros from South Sudan to Rome.
[03:11:27]  So you said it was going to get the rhinoceros.
[03:11:30]  Hold on, watch.
[03:11:33]  I just said they took a rhinoceros from South Sudan.
[03:11:37]  Not North Sudan.
[03:11:38]  South Sudan to Rome.
[03:11:41]  Where they had a baseball game, though?
[03:11:43]  Where they had a baseball game, though.
[03:11:45]  Nah.
[03:11:46]  Alex, you just puffed your chest and you said the guy held a cat while he scratched his core off.
[03:11:51]  Yes.
[03:11:51]  That was impressive.
[03:11:52]  Yeah.
[03:11:53]  You said that.
[03:11:53]  The Romans dug a hole and starved it.
[03:11:55]  Oh, my God.
[03:11:56]  How do you get out of the hole?
[03:11:57]  How do you get out of the hole?
[03:11:58]  So you take a bunch of motherfucking slaves.
[03:12:00]  A bunch of slaves going get one rhinoceros out the hole.
[03:12:04]  Gotcha.
[03:12:06]  I hope you get a nosebleed today.
[03:12:09]  But why?
[03:12:10]  I want that for you.
[03:12:11]  But what?
[03:12:12]  I want you to spontaneously start bleeding out of your nose.
[03:12:15]  And I want to drip on your stupid shirt.
[03:12:16]  And I want you to.
[03:12:17]  Oh, fuck.
[03:12:18]  And then, uh-oh, my nose is bleeding.
[03:12:19]  And I want that to happen to you today after what you put me through.
[03:12:22]  You gave me an aneurysm.
[03:12:23]  You took a year off my life.
[03:12:24]  You took a year off my life.
[03:12:26]  Just me?
[03:12:26]  What about this guy?
[03:12:29]  He will get his punishment.
[03:12:30]  Okay, okay.
[03:12:31]  He will get his punishment one day.
[03:12:32]  Maybe not this life, maybe the next life.
[03:12:34]  You're going to come back as a Roman Emperor.
[03:12:36]  I would love it.
[03:12:37]  That's fine.
[03:12:38]  I would love it.
[03:12:39]  You have a very easy job.
[03:12:40]  Oh, no.
[03:12:41]  Because you have to drink alcohol.
[03:12:44]  There's no water.
[03:12:45]  Yeah, there's no water, is there?
[03:12:46]  Akash.
[03:12:47]  Give me a puff.
[03:12:48]  Drink your alcohol.
[03:12:49]  I hope you like drinking.
[03:12:51]  I'm going to love it.
[03:12:51]  And you're going to have to eat beef, too.
[03:12:53]  I'm going to love that, too.
[03:12:54]  Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[03:12:56]  I'm just doing all the fun shit I can't do now.
[03:12:58]  I'm sorry.
[03:13:00]  You're going to come back as a Muslim emperor with a harem of women.
[03:13:04]  Yep.
[03:13:04]  And conquering India.
[03:13:06]  Oh.
[03:13:07]  And making Indians build things.
[03:13:09]  That'll do the touch.
[03:13:10]  Yes.
[03:13:10]  If I really want to punish him, I'll have him catch baby tigers.