Shane Gillis and hosts Shelton Bonner, Akash Singh, and Alex Media dissect Gillis's SNL history, controversial Texas abortion jokes, and a San Diego incident involving a racial slur against a Black comedian with Asperger's. The group debates disability portrayals in Love on the Spectrum, mocks Gillis for "phoning it in," and engages in heated banter regarding eugenics, vaccine mandates, and pop culture critiques of Marvel versus Manchester by the Sea. Ultimately, the episode blends sharp social commentary with chaotic personal revelations, highlighting the hosts' willingness to challenge norms while promoting brands like Liquid IV. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome to Flagrant 200:14:40
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant 2.
It's your boy Shelton.
I'm here with Akash Singh, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon.
The truffle is not on a mic today.
We had to remove the mic from the truffle because he has such a crazy weekend in Vegas.
But today we are joined by one of my favorite comics working today.
Absolutely hilarious.
Newly...
I don't want to, you were already famous, but now you're famous for a good reason.
The right reason.
The right reason.
Newly viral sensation.
Shane Gillis is in the building.
Let's go.
Doing his 20th podcast in the last week.
No more podcasts.
I know.
YouTube's exhausted.
Another fucking Shane Gillis podcast.
No, I get it.
Thank you for saving us for last, dude.
I really appreciate that.
We could have caught you nice and hot just for the algorithm.
Just so everyone knows, you're a psycho.
I've never seen anyone start a show like this.
Like, just bully the fuck out of a guy and then be like, all right, here we go.
Let's start the show.
That's crazy.
That's what's going to happen for the next two hours, Shane.
That was insane.
Listen, he's built for this, dude.
Dude, he's pissed.
He's not pissed.
He hooked up with a beautiful girl this weekend in Las Vegas.
Stunningly beautiful girl.
We did not tell a single lie.
Did he not do it in front of his mom?
Alex, you were there.
I mean, not the hookup part.
Well, some of the hookup parts.
This is what blew my mind.
He brings the girl down to the green room in Las Vegas, okay?
His mother and his mother's friends.
Of course.
His mother and his mother's friend are in the green room.
He takes her out.
I was about to say drags.
He didn't drag her out.
He concentrally removes her from the groom and then goes to hook up with her in another fucking room.
Don't even say a single thing.
Wait, why things to me?
I didn't know it was my room.
Well, someone's got to use it.
Yeah, I guess.
Anyway, Shane, now that you're newly famous and people like you.
I'm not famous, but yeah.
But people like you now.
Some people like me, yeah.
More people like you.
How you got on SNL.
Before they didn't get it, now they're like, oh, this is how he got on SNL.
I think that's nice.
And the clip that got cut out, he didn't get on SNL.
Yeah.
I did.
Technically.
Yeah, he did.
Was your face there?
He got on deadline.
I got paid.
Okay, you got paid by SNL.
Yeah, I got a check.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
But it makes sense now.
I think that's a great point.
Now you're like, okay, this guy's really funny.
They saw something in him.
And the clip that got cut up the first time, we don't even need to get into it, but clearly wasn't your funniest stuff.
Like, this is your strong suit.
It's all so funny.
It's all so good.
So I'm glad people get to see that.
Yo, go check out Shane's special.
Let's just blow it up right now.
Make sure if you haven't already seen it, you go check it out right now.
Shane Gillis live in Austin.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's on YouTube for your viewing pleasure, doing millions of views.
No big deal.
No big deal.
Yeah.
Okay.
NBD.
NBD.
That's how I feel about it.
Yeah.
You know, I'm a big internet guy.
Yeah.
I'm big with content.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I create.
I wish I could have showed.
I wish I could have showed what the thumbnail of the special was going to be that morning.
He messages me that morning.
He goes, hey, is this good?
And it's just like a picture of like upshot of his nostrils.
He don't even know if it's him.
There's no fucking clue who it is, dude.
It was unbelievable.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
I thought it was the Netflix thing for Love on the Spectrum.
It was at UPS.
There's no way that it was you.
I had no clue, do you have a bit of Michael in me?
Oh, dude.
You believe it?
Fuck, I was on season one, bro.
Thank you.
He's been trying to get me to watch this.
Hold on.
Before we get into this, there's a better one.
It's called The Specials.
Yeah, dude, The Specials of the Holy Spirit.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm so happy, bro.
I'm so happy.
Yo, let me explain this short.
We're talking about people with Down syndrome, and they're doing reality shows about this.
There's a house full of people with Down syndrome.
Yes.
First off, once you watch it, you realize dudes with Down syndrome are the bros.
They're the best dudes on earth.
Of course.
All right.
Yeah.
So this dude named Sam, he's got Down syndrome.
One of the episodes, they're going to take him to a lady boys show, a burlesque show of ladyboys.
And he is pumped, dude.
He's got the flyer.
He's like, he keeps coming up to the camera, like sexy dances.
And everybody's like, relax.
Australian.
Really British.
No, this is a British.
And he goes, and then everybody keeps telling him, it's like, no, they're actually men.
And he's like, no, they're not.
The whole time he's like, trust me, they're not.
And then he's talking to one of the house chaperones.
And he's like, Sam, they are boys.
And he's like, don't be rude.
Don't be rude.
He's trying so hard.
And then he goes, what if one of them tells you they have a penis?
And he goes, I'd be fuming.
And then you go, why would you be mad?
He goes, I have no idea.
That's the bro.
I'm still going.
So he gets to, they take him to the show.
He gets in there.
The camera's on him.
The girls come out and are dancing.
He's holding a soda.
He looks back at his boys like, they show his face, like, yo, I told you.
The girls are sexy.
And then one of the dancers takes their mask off and starts singing like a man.
And they cut the camera to him and he's just sitting there like a minute later, all the dancers come back out.
The camera cuts to him, and he's like, oh, he's back in.
You got to watch the specials.
So the specials is better than Love on the Spectrum.
I prefer it.
But Love on the Spectrum is also incredible.
Mark has been trying to get me to watch this show for at least maybe two months.
A year, a year.
Okay, a year.
Yeah.
Literally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's the best show on Netflix.
Yeah.
Fuck Squid Game.
But here's the thing.
With the show, I think if you don't know anybody who has Down syndrome, you just feel bad for them coming.
No, you don't.
If you don't know people with it.
No.
And then you watch the show and then.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like the perception is, oh my God, this is so tragic that these parents have to raise.
And then you watch it and it's like, oh, they're the most fun ever.
Yeah, ever.
Everybody enjoys it.
Yes.
I don't want to say golden retriever, but the same energy where it's just like positive.
Wait, really?
Yeah, I was doing a joke about people with Downs.
It's like having a dog.
He does stand up on the spot.
People with autism is like a cat.
You think they like you.
They walk out of the room.
I love cats.
Cats are great.
I'm not trashing autism.
But a lab or like a Down syndrome person.
Oh, wow.
Down syndrome is like, you're like, yo, you want to go outside?
They're like, let's go.
It's just positive energy happens all the time.
Yes, dude.
And so it's just this weird thing.
It's like, cause you see people like post post them on TikTok, like parents and like brothers and shit like that will post them on TikTok.
And you think they're kind of exploiting them.
But I really think they're going, this person brings me so much joy.
Yeah.
I need to share the joy a bit.
Yes.
Right.
So now should we feel way better about watching the videos?
Yeah.
I guess because that's Al's thing.
Yeah.
You like watching you like seeing a guy with you.
Yeah.
But they're trying to be funny.
No, no, no.
That's true.
He you like to see them perform.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It has to be, they have to be doing like a song.
It has to be like Chris Brown or something like that.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And then trying to dance like him too.
That's a movie.
You know what gets out every time?
Can I tell you what gets out every time?
This one is at the end of it when they just stick the tongue out.
I've got it.
I've got it down.
I'm telling you, that's great.
I got to watch it though.
It's so good.
Bro, wait till you see Sam.
Sam from the specials.
Yeah.
One of the best characters of all time.
Interesting.
Netflix.
Dude, there is a scene where one of the girls in the house is crying, and Sam comes over to console her.
She's sitting down on the floor, and Sam kneels down to be like, Don't be sad.
And he kneels down and farts.
And he farts, and he looks at the camera and goes, Oh, pardon me.
And he's like, It's okay.
And she just starts to feel like that.
It's unbelievable.
No, she's still, no one bats an eye at the fart.
It's incredible.
I love it.
Okay.
All right.
So let's be serious.
Can we be serious here for a second, Shane?
Yeah, let's start.
Okay.
I want to be serious here.
Now that you are viral, officially viral, have you noticed a difference in lifestyle?
Wow.
Not at all?
No.
You don't think the girls are treating you a little different?
You know what I mean?
No.
What about the dudes?
The bros.
Are the bros out there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you getting a lot of DMs?
Like, bro, I knew you were funny.
Yeah, it's funny.
I got a DM from a lady last night that was like, I'm sorry I didn't support you.
I thought you were a bad person.
Wow.
That's funny.
It was funny to see it and just be like, any people that came out and shit on you apologize?
No, not really.
No.
They did back then.
Not really.
I'm trying to think.
I don't know.
They apologize back then?
A couple people did.
Oh, that's interesting.
After a couple months and then seeing me at the clubs, you're like, oh, sorry.
I shit on you publicly.
All right.
Well, say to privately say for publicly shitting on you.
No, it's nice.
I don't know.
I'm just so happy for you.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, I don't want to get too gushy.
No, I did nothing.
It does help out a lot.
I did nothing.
You guys did great work, and your team does great work too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, shout out to McKeever.
He's fucking brilliant, man.
McKeever's the best.
And the production team as well.
Those guys are great.
Yeah.
Booklight.
And what is it?
What do you call them?
Booklight.
That's the production company.
They have names too.
Although they didn't do shit on the special.
Oh, I thought you said they were working on the special.
No, they were supposed to.
Homeless Pimp did.
I know I spoke to Pimp, and I thought he was helping out.
I didn't know he came in and actually amazing.
Yeah.
I had Homeless Pimp and McKeever.
Oh, DG.
Good shit, man.
Yeah, man.
Good shit.
Well, I'm just psyched for you.
And it's so much better also for me now because I get to support the funny guy, not the other guy.
You know what I mean?
There's a lot of, you know, we catch some heat.
You know what I mean?
For being so supportive of you.
We were the victims.
Oh, really?
It was hard for me.
People trashed you.
We were the ones that suffered.
Who trashed the lawsuit?
Our career was really hurting.
Oh, man.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll tell you who's just got your mom's house just got hit with it a little.
No.
Because they had me on there.
And I went on and on.
I was joking.
Nobody ever trashed us.
Everybody was like, yeah, that guy's funny.
Well, they didn't really get trashed, but it was funny.
I went on your mom's house and I was like, it's good to be in Texas.
I love the abortion laws here.
Like I said that.
Yeah.
I couldn't, I can't believe anyone thought that was real.
Yeah.
I sat down.
I was like, I love the abortion laws here in Texas.
Every comment was like, this guy is a piece of shit.
What a weird thing to love anywhere.
You know what I mean?
I can't get enough of these abortions.
He's a funny opener.
Given your history.
For you to be like, you know what?
I'm going to open with babies.
Here's something I got.
Right up my sleeve right away.
Really?
So what happened?
Like people started.
Nothing major, just DMs.
And they don't care.
Tom, I was talking to Segura and he was like, yeah, get used to it.
I was like, I got people mad at, like, I said, kill turtles once.
Yeah.
A bunch of turtle people came out.
We're like, oh, motherfucker.
Do you know what it is?
It's like once you get to the million mark, like, you're going to, you're going to have a certain percentage of people that don't like no matter what you say.
Yeah.
And that percentage is now 100 people.
And you get 100 DMs.
You're like, oh, fuck.
Yeah, people are mad.
Yeah.
But it's really not.
It's just a million people are now watching and listening to what you're doing.
I'm fucking stoked for you, man.
All right.
Enough of that.
I think that it's very important that we move on and stop talking specifically about how great you are.
I would love it.
Is that okay?
I hate this.
I know you've done a lot of stuff.
It's like my least favorite thing.
Where people stroke.
He loves being self-loathing.
No, I don't.
I just don't like it.
I can't do that.
I don't like the compliments.
Well, now I kind of want to make you all the same.
We're both walking in Austin at the Moontower Festival.
Somebody drives by, he's like, Yo, Shane, you're so funny.
Who's in Penguin?
Bang dang, you're right.
You said penguin?
Yeah.
You said penguin.
Feels pretty good, right?
That's nice.
Who's the penguin?
It does feel good.
I get it.
I get why people do it.
No, no, so what happens?
Somebody drives by and they call out to Shane, like, yo, you're so funny, or something like that.
And Shane just kind of like raises his hand.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, ah, the guy drove by quick, so I guess he didn't really whatever.
And then somebody comes up to me and he's like, yo, you're so funny.
I'm such a big fan.
And I'm like talking to him.
And then Shane is just two blocks down by the time I look up.
Because in his mind, you don't acknowledge people who like you.
Like, you're not.
Thanks a lot.
You say, oh, thanks a lot.
And then you keep it moving because you don't deserve anything more than, hey, thanks a lot.
I appreciate that.
And then you keep it moving.
It was a real, I was like, oh, this guy, this guy don't like being loved.
Akash has just locked him in there.
He's like, yeah, keep going.
Yeah.
What else is good about me?
Yeah.
I didn't let this guy leave.
I tried to get him to come with us to the after party.
If I was down the block.
You don't really drink, right?
No.
Yeah.
If I was sober, I'd be like, I need something.
I'm just hammered.
I've got enough.
I feel pretty good as it is.
Guys, I'm sorry I have to interrupt this podcast because there's breaking news.
I think we have some beef.
Play the video, Alex.
Well, it seems like you're having a great time.
You're going to Raiders games.
You're out with the champ.
I saw you with this comedian, Andrew Schultz, who I admittedly, I don't know a lot about him, but I see he's calling himself the greatest MMA journalist of all time.
Clearly, he's never heard of Ariel Hawani because that would bury that man where he stands.
I mean, unbelievable that he has the balls.
He's out there at the apex.
Who is this Jabron Andrew Schultz that keeps talking about being the greatest MMA journalist?
And I see you dancing with him and everything.
I'm a little jealous, if I'm being honest.
Who is this man?
No, I went to his show here in Las Vegas.
He's a friend.
He's a friend of Israel's.
So he's a good friend of Israel's.
And Israel's like good honest podcast and things like that.
So Israel sent me up with some tickets to the show and I just went along to the show.
Hilarious.
Like it was a pretty incredible show.
And then at the end, he like dragged someone out.
He's like, got everyone out on stage.
And then he pulled someone out of the crowd.
And he's like, we're going to sing a song.
And then he's just like, we've got another special guest.
Ben Hookers in the house.
And then he drags me on stage too.
And he's like, we're going to sing a song.
Well, well, well, what do we have here?
Ariel, if you didn't know me before, now you do.
The greatest MMA journalist of all time.
Not only that, but the greatest nose in the business too.
Israel's Incredible Show00:11:36
I'm sorry, kiddo.
You're number two.
Yes.
I'm Coca-Cola.
You're fucking snapple.
Enjoy your goofy flavors and your facts.
I'll give you a fact.
You're no longer holding the belt.
The kid is.
Matter of fact, you could call me the king, the greatest MMA journalist of all time.
The greatest nose in the business.
You got nothing on me, kiddo.
I'm not going to lie.
You got a fucking sturdy hairline, but that's about it.
And you're not burying nothing because I'm just getting stronger, baby.
I feel you weakening.
I feel you shaking in your boots.
I see you watching the stories.
I see you keeping tabs on the king.
And let me let you know something right now.
There's nothing you could do because the takeover was inevitable.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I need to make sure that you are getting as erect as you possibly can when you want to.
This is very important, okay?
Hey, you might be stressed the fuck out, and you might be too stressed to get a fat boner dick.
So, so what you got to do is you got to tap in the PEDs.
You know what I'm saying?
You got to get that blue chew.
That blue chew is going to have you rocked up.
All right, bulked up, bulked up.
Release the whole thing.
We have a Hulk.
We have a Hulk.
Okay.
The Blue Chew is coming.
It's got your back.
If you want to break your girl's back and her femur, why her femur?
I don't know.
Maybe your dick, after you put blue chew in, it just brushed against her femur lightly.
It's that hard.
And it's that hard.
They just snapped it in half.
Strongest bone in your body.
It doesn't really make sense.
Not after the blue chew does.
Oh, nice.
That's the strongest bone in your body.
Point is, if you want that, you can get it for free.
You just got to go to bluechew.com, use the promo code flagrant.
You get it for free.
All you got to do is pay $5.
$5.
$5 for shipping.
You just paying the $5 for shipping.
For the fattest boner I had in years?
Fat boner dick.
Wow.
Don't you want that?
I know I do.
Shit.
Son.
Sometimes I'll be looking at my dick when it's on Blue Chew.
I'd be like, man, I'm going to suck the fucking shit out of my voice.
What, Al, you told me to say that.
Nah.
Al, you said you were only having liquids that week.
Al's mouth is full of smoothies.
You're all good.
You said you had a liquid diet and then you were blue chewing it up.
Bluechew.com.
What's the promo code?
He said, no, both flagrant.
Okay, bluechew.com, promo code flagrant.
Get that.
Get your dick hard.
Now let's get back to the show.
Did you see Mike Tyson talk about Dr. Umar Johnson on his podcast?
Do you know who Dr. Umar Johnson is?
No, he's about to be your favorite guy on Instagram.
Yeah, is he like a black Israelite kind of?
Yeah, it's a little different.
He's the prince of Pan-Africanism.
Awesome.
And this, he is the perfect example of how, like, just because someone doesn't like you doesn't mean you don't like them.
You know what I mean?
Like, I understand that he might not like me because I'm white, right?
And I'm part of the systemic racism that's baked into America.
But I love him.
Yes.
Like, I absolutely, he is the most entertaining speaker on Instagram right now.
Remember when Chris Rock would like kind of stalk the stage and repeat premises?
Yeah.
He opens up his Instagram like lives.
It's unbelievable.
I'm not even going to do a judge.
Can we like bring up?
Can I see a picture of him?
Because I think I know who he is.
Is he big?
Yeah.
He's from Philly.
Oh, I know this guy.
Yeah, this guy rules.
Oh, dude, he's the.
I built the whole plan.
I ain't going nowhere.
But I appreciate the concern, my beautiful African queen.
I hope your hair is natural.
I see you got that perm in there.
I still love you.
You're gorgeous, but you're not nappy.
You got to be nappy, baby.
You got to be nappy.
I can't grab it.
I can't have it.
It only takes a little bit of white brainwash to activate the coon chip.
Heterosexual couples only.
This is not a government-funded activity.
I have the right to discriminate.
Heterosexual couples only.
Donations.
Gifts.
Gifts.
We're going to have a national coons conference at FDMG.
Yes, brothers and sisters.
We have to have a national coons conference.
Anybody who tells you they're running for office to help somebody, smack they ass in the face.
What you want to do?
You want a box?
You want a street rumble?
Or you want to get into the intellectual boxing ramp?
Tyler Perry.
God damn, brother.
Can we please consider some other movies?
Dude.
You probably have.
I can just get an aught to picture.
Peace and black power, peace and black power.
I love it.
Oh, God, dude.
This guy is so fucking believable.
He is so entertaining.
So this is the, he's so fucking undeniably entertaining.
I don't care who he hates or who he likes.
It means nothing to me.
I agree.
It is just, and I'm looking, I'm sitting there looking at it, and I'm sitting here going, like, I mean, he stands for like a lot of shit that's fucked up.
Like, he's, you know, gay couples, nah, you know, he's against interracial marriage.
Against interracial marriage.
Like, there's certain things that, you know, we disagree with.
He's homophobic and pro-segregation.
Yeah.
Interesting point.
But yeah, but in all seriousness, he's fucking brilliant.
And I love him.
And I really want him on this podcast.
But what did Mike Tyson say about him?
Oh, that was it.
Yeah.
Tyson was talking shit?
No, no.
Freddie Gibbs was on Tyson's podcast.
And then he just brought up Dr. Umar.
And he was like, yeah, you don't really like white people that much.
And then Tyson was like, well, why does he like white people?
Like, what's wrong with that?
That's the worst Tyson I've ever heard.
Bro.
Why doesn't he like white people?
Well, he no longer speaks with the hang.
Oh, he doesn't?
No, he's like so like on like, he's like mushroomed out and like high.
I apologize.
He's almost like raspy and shit.
He's still got it that there, but yeah, it's not what he's, yeah, it's weird.
Really?
Yeah.
I'll take it back.
There's a little bit of, it's actually kind of sad.
Like, have you guys watched it a little?
Like every time I see a clip, he's just so fucking out of it.
He's like a tiger on tranquilizers.
Yeah.
And I don't want to criticize the people behind it, but it's almost like on some like Britney Spears shit.
It's like, does he want to be up there?
Yeah.
Free Mike, bro.
We might have to free Mike.
Dog, we might have to free Mike.
Second time.
He was in jail for what he did.
Yes.
Is he the most forgiven rapist ever?
Yeah.
Well, Bill Clinton.
Well, he never got convicted.
He paid him off.
He never got convicted.
No, I think we feel the opposite way about them.
I think with Bill, we're like, I know he didn't get convicted, but he probably did that shit.
And with Mike, we're like, he got convicted, but he probably didn't do that.
Yeah, I don't think anybody.
He's Placeburger's up there.
Oh, we're talking Joe.
We're talking about us.
Yeah, I apologize.
Innocent till proven guilty.
Shane?
Something you should know something about.
True.
Who else?
Depends what community.
I mean, how many people.
I was going to say Michael Jackson, but no.
Tupac?
Didn't Tupac go in for sexual assault?
Yes.
And then nobody brings that shit up ever.
Yeah, but it's because he got killed.
But even after that.
He gets assassinated.
He rushed some shit under the road.
Really?
I think so.
Yeah.
But yeah, Tyson, for sure.
He had a show on fucking Adult Swim.
He had a cartoon.
Yeah, the most liberal people on earth were like, yeah, Mike Tyson.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you think that is?
He's black.
What do you want me to say on that?
No, like, I think there's something more.
For the adult swim people to take him.
That's what I was saying.
Yeah.
Not the forgiveness of the sexual assault.
Interesting.
I don't know.
I think that Tyson is like beyond a race.
I think we also are so aware of the shit he went through now that we're like, I guess give him some grace.
You think he's ascended?
You think he's like OJ?
I think he's like Will Smith.
Like Will Smith isn't like black guy.
He's Will Smith.
And I think Tyson isn't black guy.
We didn't take him.
They're white though.
No, no.
They're so famous that they're white.
No, they're just themselves.
You know what I mean?
And I wonder if white guys can do that too.
Like if white guys can stop, like, for example, The Rock.
Nobody knows what The Rock is, but because he's The Rock.
Yeah.
Even the Kardashians, they're not really like white, white, but they're just so big that they're just the Kardashians.
When you become the greatest at your thing, you just are you.
Yeah, and that is the advantage of being white: you never have to leave that other identity that defines you completely.
Yeah, you just say, we don't look at George Clooney as not having a race because, like, well, he's always just been white and successful, and that's what it is.
Yeah, you just get to be your identity.
When you're part of the majority, you just get to be your identity that you create in front of people.
He didn't have to like escape a box or whatever.
He's just George Clooney.
We've always been George Clinton.
Yeah.
Will Smith, we saw this black dude that had his own TV show, was a rapper, and then it just got bigger and bigger.
And he's like, oh, nice, Will Smith.
Yeah.
And apparently, he would like pick roles.
Apparently, it was like a formula.
Like, we're going to do this kind of movie, then this kind of movie, then this kind of movie.
But specifically, that removed race from the role.
Interesting.
Like, he's like, you see Bagger Vance?
No.
He's pretty black.
Is that a movie about a not-sport?
He's pretty black in that one.
Yeah, No, of course, he's going to be black in all the fucking movies, but he's not playing like this is a stereotypical.
I wish he had considered race when he took that one because it's like the way you're doing this, buddy.
I know how you thought there's no race involved, but looking like you look being a fucking caddy is some race involved.
All right, fair enough.
I didn't see that one, but you know the rest of it.
But he probably picked it thinking this is just a good script.
I also would be the fucking Neo in the Matrix.
Yeah, that would have been cool.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think Keanu.
I mean, maybe this is like hindsight.
I think Keanu needed to be that guy that's all kind of like spaced out and like unaware of what's happening.
I think Will Smith would have been too cool.
Yeah.
Will Smith would have been cool, though.
As Neo?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but he'd be too like funny and charming.
He just got to be weird and spacey.
That's what I'm saying.
Will Smith is like, he's the coolest motherfucker in the room.
Men in Black was, even though he was like kind of a dummy, he was still fucking cool.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And Neo isn't supposed to be that guy.
I don't think.
But yeah, maybe we're just looking at it.
Now the movie we love has to be this way.
Yeah.
But he also turned down, he did know Matrix so he could do Wild Wild West, I think.
Yeah.
What a fucking move.
And then he turned down Inception.
He turned down the Quinton Tarantino Django because he wanted to kill.
I'm glad that's Jamie Fox.
Yeah, Jamie killed that.
Yeah.
But that's the thing.
It's like when you're that, when you're the guy, you get offered every movie.
Yeah, that's true.
At least it gets floated.
It'll get floated.
It might not be like an actual deal, but it'll get brought up.
Like, oh, yeah, if you have this person at a meeting, like it will be, I bet you it's even a deal if it's a big, really big budget movie like that.
Like, I bet you every, who is it?
I think Chris Rock even said, like, every year they want Tom Hanks all as the Oscars.
Right?
And he says no.
And then how many people need to see no before I do it?
Movie Choices and Takes00:15:08
Right.
But like, every year you want the main guy.
Yeah.
And he was the main guy.
So every movie you're like, yeah, I think Will Smith can probably fucking.
Well, I know Django.
The studio formula was Will Smith, Brad Pitt.
Brad Kitt was actually above Will Smith, Will Smith, DeCapric.
Will Smith, Brad Pitt, De Catherine.
And he'll throw it in a penalty, but like, same nation scene.
So even Leo, you know, like, you know, like, if you'll get like a spot somewhere, you'll get like a weekend somewhere because someone bailed.
Somebody dropped out.
Even Leo goes through that.
Yeah.
In order for you to do a weekend at fucking hyenas or something like that.
I remember I was doing a weekend hyena.
Someone bailed, like, you come in a week before, and then the club's fucking upset that you don't sell tickets.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, you had Brad Garrett on the fucking poster while he was still at the club, asshole.
There's no way we're going to sell fucking tickets.
But that's Leo had got to go through that shit to do Inception.
The fact that he said Brad Garrett lets me know that's a real story.
It might have been Brad Garrett.
It might have been Brad Garrett, dude.
Because nobody ever thinks of Brad Garrett in a stand-up.
Bro, I didn't know.
He was a race brother, dog.
I didn't know that was his real voice.
No, he lowers it for the show.
Oh, he does.
It's a little bit higher for in real life.
Then he lowered it for the show.
He killed that shit.
That's one of the better stand-ups in a sitcom.
Like, normally they're not good at being someone else or just themselves.
He played that shit very well.
I didn't even know he was a stand-up.
I was shocked.
He was a stand-up.
Dude, there's a, I don't even know if I want to share because I don't want to make people do it more.
So the first show in San Diego.
Oof.
Like, I like to pause.
I like to fucking pause.
Okay.
I take my pause, but when you're in a fucking theater and there's 2,000 people there and these people are fucking drunk.
You know what I mean?
Who knows what's going on?
So I'm in this pause and then somebody starts to yell.
Another person starts to yell something.
And then a few people start.
So I just get fucking upset.
And I just go, man, I'm not going to fucking go.
And I'm just staring at them.
And I'm like, eventually they're going to get uncomfortable and they're going to realize they should probably stop talking.
The old Hitler.
Hitler used to do.
Really?
I thought he just yelled at him.
No, you paused.
Really?
Is it worse than it came naturally for you?
Yeah.
You've got to be.
You're like, I just thought that was the natural thing to do.
Great public speakers, guys.
Listen, we're going to have some things to come.
I would move over about four feet apart.
You heard it from the Jew.
You said it very Jewishly.
I'm being objective here.
It was very good.
So these people are like yelling stuff.
I'm not saying anything.
And then eventually it gets like very, I mean, like, it's obvious that I'm not talking.
They're yelling.
And what are we talking about here?
Like, a couple minutes?
It was so long that I took my phone out after 30 seconds when I got awkward, filmed for probably a minute, and then put my phone away and then took it back out and filmed again.
Like, there was two of them.
It was like, it could have been five minutes.
No, it was so long.
It was five minutes.
It was so long.
I walked from the cameras to backstage to check, is everything okay here?
Like, I thought something went on.
Like, I don't think a lot of like, at least in the city, like, if something's annoying, I'm usually behaved pretty well in the clubs in the city.
You know, there's like people are coming out for everybody else.
You know, but like, what are you?
I behave myself.
I bet he's having a stroke.
You're not an asshole, but you're not like, you know, I'm usually cognizant of somebody.
I'm going to kick the whole row out.
I'll kick the whole row out.
And if I'm on the road, the whole row can go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I have a thing that I do.
Like, if people keep high standards, no, no, no.
Because you're eliminating sections.
The whole thing goes.
Wow.
No, and I have a rule where if somebody keeps talking, not only do they have to go, the people around them that enabled that are also very Nazi-like.
They'd be like, they were partisans.
We're killing the whole town.
Technically, it's North Korea.
It's cleansing.
It cleanses the road.
Multiple generations.
Okay.
Everybody gets punished.
You allowed this to happen.
Sitting right next to you talking the whole show.
You go too.
And the person next to you.
And they control the banks.
And it's like.
A lot of that is true.
A lot of that is true.
When do we stop?
Come on.
We need to protect.
We need to protect.
You are a fucking dictator.
So I'm sitting there.
I'm just staring at the side.
People are starting to yell stuff.
And I think it's about to die down.
Right.
And then all of a sudden it dies down.
And then all of a sudden, this one guy in the back goes, be silent if you're gay.
Son.
It fucking broke me, dude.
It fucking broke me.
There's nothing I could do.
And I laughed.
And I literally just had to go, fuck.
It was good.
You gave it up.
I gave it up.
This is a true comic.
You were so pissed, but a good joke.
You're like, yeah, it's good.
And there's nothing I could do.
If I stay silent, I'm gay.
You're not gay.
I'm not gay, guys.
I don't want you to know.
No, but and if I don't acknowledge it at all, there's nothing, there's no coming back from it.
No.
So that was it.
But fuck, man.
Yeah, sometimes they get you.
Now, anybody listening to this, we are absolutely infuriated when you guys do this shit.
So shut the fuck up.
Yeah, it's the worst.
It really is the worst.
I don't know that either.
No, They should know.
They should know, yeah.
Some people dump it into a comedy show and then they think that they're helping.
Yeah, some people really think they're helping.
This guy got me Saturday Friday night, okay, Phoenix.
I get done.
There's a guy out at the bar, and I'm walking by him, and he goes, That was the worst fucking show I've ever seen in my life.
And I thought I was so serious, I thought he was joking.
So I was like, Oh, thanks for coming out, man.
He was like, No, that was a piece of shit show.
Me and my wife walked out, and we've been out here the whole time.
Waiting.
Why?
Dude, I have no idea.
I couldn't figure out why.
It could have been the Navy SEAL stuff, to be honest.
I think it was.
I think it was.
He looked like.
Did you tell him that you were you went to West Point?
What?
What would that mean?
I was served in the military.
I was there for the service.
I was in the ROTC in high school.
But you played for fucking Air Force Army.
No, I quit right away.
Oh, I thought you were like, no, I thought you were a jarhead.
No.
No.
I thought he was.
Anyway, I get out there.
This guy hits me with.
Yeah.
This looks like a guy who did.
This guy to credit our country.
That's what I served.
So this could have been in the culinary section for sure.
But I don't know.
I thought you thought you did your time.
This guy hit me with, that was the worst fucking show I've ever seen.
And he looked like, and I, I like, I usually don't get mad, but I was like, you're a fucking pussy.
Like right to his face in front of his wife.
And people had to like separate us after the show.
Wow.
Did he do anything?
No, he didn't.
Well, either did I.
But no, I called him a pussy, and that was the end of it.
But then he has to do something to you to prove he's not a pussy.
I know.
I was surprised.
I didn't get punched.
He's a pussy.
Yeah, it turns out he's a pussy.
Yeah, you proved it.
You were right.
You were like, there's a big 55-year-old man who would have, and it sucked too because it was right in front of the line.
Who's the color?
White, but he was from Phoenix, so like dark, leathery.
Yeah, yeah.
There was the line for the next show was right there watching.
Oh, fuck.
This guy's like, that was the worst piece of shit I've ever seen.
And then you finally get a fight with him.
And everyone was like, holy shit, dude.
It's going to be a wild show.
And the second show was great.
Second watch.
The second show was going to be so fire.
Yeah, it was fun.
I was like, you called him a pussy.
No, it doesn't matter.
He won.
He won the war.
Why did he win the war?
Why?
Well, maybe he's still dwelling on it.
He's a pussy in front of his wife and you win.
He might still be dwelling on it.
I see why he didn't serve in war.
I don't think you know how to win wars.
Well, I would have done well in the United States then.
Shout out, Taliban.
Shell out.
Sell out.
Shout out to the Taliban.
We did it, baby.
We back.
We back.
Taliban home.
But no, he won the war because I'm still thinking about it.
Because you know what fucked me?
I hope he's thinking about it.
But what bothered me was I don't know what he was mad at.
If I knew which one, because it's not like the show was bad.
It was a good show.
The crowd liked it.
But there was one thing I said that must have.
Yeah, because here's the thing: people that are going to your shows still don't know you.
Yeah.
So you have a certain amount of people that are just going there to laugh.
Yeah.
Right.
With no expectation of what they're about to hear.
Yeah.
You know?
And then you start rooting for the Taliban.
You know what I mean?
And people are like.
I get it.
No, I understand.
And if people don't like the show, I tell them, like, leave.
It's not a, I won't be offended if you don't like the show and leave.
Yeah.
It is.
But if you get offended and then wait outside to the bar and then call it, like, be the walk up and be like, the worst fucking show.
You got to think about what a loser bad is, though, that on a Friday or Saturday night, they don't have better things to do than sit there and wait for you.
Stop it.
They paid the whole night for the baby.
So they're not going to let her off early.
Go eat dinner somewhere.
They had some drinks waiting for him.
Can't get food.
I'm going to the club for two hours.
Yeah.
Whether we watch him or not, I'm going to be there for two hours.
He must have waited a half hour at least.
Half hour.
Just sat there just like I'm going to have to do it.
How much is not that bad?
He can still kind of hear the jokes.
Every time a waitress opens the door, you just hear it coming.
So the Taliban, this motherfucker.
Yeah, this is a guy that doesn't know Twitter exists.
You know what I mean?
Like, you just go home and talk to me.
Yelp.
Also true.
Yeah, DMs.
That would have hurt more.
Like a public tweet.
Yeah, but if it was contained.
Yeah, he's an older guy.
He's 55 years old.
I hope it worked.
I hope he's because, and it wasn't like a sheepish, you're a pussy.
Like, I wasn't like, yeah, well, you're a pussy.
Yeah, you wanted it.
I was literally like, you're a fucking pussy.
Yeah.
It was nice.
But he actually.
And he could have socked me.
I would have, it would have been funny.
Going on stage after he got punched in the mouth.
Last show was all right.
If you get offended, please leave.
Don't physically assault me, please.
But weirdly, isn't it kind of, it's almost what you want them to do?
Like, you don't want him to have that interaction during the show.
And I'm sure that's happened to you before.
Yeah.
Last time I was there, that room.
Really?
Yeah.
Same guy.
Probably.
He's like, I gave you a second chance.
Dude, there was a guy who yelled the N-word last time I was there.
White or black?
White.
He was related to Shane, obviously.
No, he wasn't one of my favorite.
The fuck?
He wasn't one of my favorites.
No, what happened?
There was a comedian before me that was black that was doing a joke about fucking a white chick and her saying the n-word or something like that.
It wasn't 10 minutes later, this guy's just like, how come we can't say it?
And the comedian had Asperger's, so he was very like, who, who, who?
What?
What are you saying?
And the guy was like, how come I can't say no?
And everyone in the room was just like, what the fuck?
And I was about to go on.
I was standing there just like the show's over.
And that ruined the show.
He got kicked out, obviously.
He said it once or twice.
And his wife started chanting Biden.
Like, ironically, I guess.
Like, buy in.
Yeah.
He was like, this is Biden's America.
We're not even allowed to say the N-word in public anymore.
Liberals ruin this country.
Liberals ruin.
You're not allowed to scream the N-word in the middle of a show.
I brought that up.
Bring that up in Arizona.
Next time you're there, it'd be like, Trump lost here, right?
The whole crowd would be like, no, he can't.
I was like, you guys got to let him go.
Let it go.
So did the comic explain why they couldn't say it?
No, he couldn't.
He was autistic.
And he from Spec.
Love on the spectrum.
It was Michael.
It was not.
Sam would have got right into it.
Sam would have been like, we could say it.
We can do whatever we want.
No, it was Michael.
It was like, well, we're not allowed to say.
It's not good.
Who's the comic?
I forget his name.
Oh, he was a local.
He was a local guy.
Yeah.
Gotcha.
Oh, man.
Did you mention it when you came back home?
Yeah, I had 10 minutes on it.
What did you say?
You have to.
Just like, Michael Richards just went.
Hell yeah, brother.
I was like, bring it back in.
Bring that Patriot back in.
Don't turn it out.
He's going to love my set.
No, what'd you say?
I forget.
I just think.
I remember thinking about like, that was like a ride or die lady.
The lady that like her husband yells the N-word and she's like, yeah.
Like she's sitting there with him like, pussies.
You guys want Joe Biden?
When she said Biden after he got kicked out, chanted it while they're getting kicked out because they're both getting kicked out.
I was wondering if you left them her there.
That'd be weird.
But it probably wasn't shocking to her that he said that word.
Definitely not.
That's a couple that's going to make it, yo.
Say what you will about them.
You're not getting divorced.
Hey, guys.
We're fast forwarding this part because it's too boring for your ears.
Trust us.
Okay.
Listen, we got to wrap this fucking podcast.
Okay.
We got to wrap this up.
All right.
Is there anything that you'd like to say before we finish this?
Anything to plug?
Where are you going to be at this weekend?
Actually, Zaney's Chicago.
When's this come out?
When's this podcast come out?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
But that is sold out.
Yo, okay.
All right.
Let's chill.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Oh, we get about 80 tickets.
Ah, that's what we get.
Yeah.
Let's go.
And then, I shouldn't.
Why not?
Then after that, don't, don't, don't, don't.
What?
I'm not going to let you bait us with a.
I shouldn't share.
I shouldn't.
I shouldn't share what I'm doing after.
And what I'm doing after Chicago, I shouldn't share.
It's just a dream.
Dream come true.
Cool, man.
Matt and Chains, Matt and Shane Secret Podcast.
Go listen to it.
Check out Matt Channel.
I'll be back on Thursday.
I've been gone for a month.
People are mad that I've been out doing every other single fucking podcast except my own.
Yeah.
But I'll be back.
So do you not just do?
You just don't do the episodes when you're gone.
Yeah.
We've literally, we've never missed like a fucking week, and people are like, what the fuck?
Where is he?
It's like, dude, just, I'll be there.
You know?
Yeah, you guys got the Patreon popping, right?
Yeah.
Patreon, Matt and Chain Secret Podcast.
There you go.
Good shit, man.
Well, look.
Anything else you need me to plug for you?
Yeah, I'm not good at this stuff.
Gillian Keeves, go watch that.
Yo, go check out the sketches.
Sketches are great.
Okay.
What else am I forgetting?
I don't know.
I feel like I've been forcing you to talk for the last hour and a half.
Podcasts are not going to be a good thing.
Dude, I did 30 goddamn podcasts.
So don't come on.
Waste our fucking talk.
I didn't wish you.
You're sitting here looking at my MDB shit on the fucking podcast.
So we just talk about movies.
That's what we do.
I think Urban Meyer was innocent.
I think what else we got up here?
Dude, go through it.
Doc Jones has to pay Sandy Hook.
I don't like that.
Are you guys saving these for the Patreon?
My bad.
Now.
Shaq Rules.
Squid Game Stinks.
That's all I need, I guess.
Good.
Movies suck.
Movies you guys like suck.
Guys, that's been an episode of Flagrant 2.
This is Shane Gillis.
Pure Movie Talk00:07:51
Make sure you go check him out.
Gilly and Keeves is the YouTube page, not Shane Gillis.
Yeah.
So if you want to go check out the sketches, you want to check out the stand-up special, all his stuff is there.
Check out McKeever and check out McCusker.
Yeah.
I love McCusker.
Yeah, he's great.
Good guy.
Check them out.
Absolutely great stuff.
I love you.
I love you, buddy.
I love you guys.
No, you don't.
I do.
No, you fucking phoned it in.
You think I phoned it in?
Yeah, I didn't think you had a lot of that energy.
I was banking on you guys.
You guys are usually fucking.
Yeah, well, we do this all the time.
We can just ignore you.
Energy's also.
Energy is also contagious, but come in here and start over.
You mailed it in, bro.
Sometimes you mail in a podcast.
No, no, no.
I didn't know that until just now.
Oh, I mail him in, dude.
I've mailed in like 12 straight podcasts.
Yeah, but like eight minutes in.
I know you can bring into some fucking takes or something.
You mailed in.
Yeah.
Tell me.
I want to talk to these guys.
I'm looking at you.
Sometimes you think you're going to have it.
I did too.
We started talking about the retards early.
I'm like, oh, this is going to go great.
I had it.
I was already, I was like, this guy's really not.
He's really making us.
I was waiting for you guys.
Get it going.
We got it going.
All right.
What did you get it going on?
Review the table.
Retards.
I did the retard stuff.
I brought it up.
And then you asked me things like, what's going on in space?
No, you said space decks.
You said space dementia.
That's a dumb line from a movie you said was elite.
I said that that might be true.
You can experience space dementia.
What do you call it?
Can I ask a question?
You said you watch this podcast all the time.
We're always high energy.
What the fuck changed this time?
Then everything got brought down.
I don't know.
It's five to one.
It's not five to one.
You're the parasite.
You're the one.
You're the parasite.
We had to just fucking podcast.
Is it five to one?
Fuck it.
Hell yeah.
Snake motherfuckers.
It's five to one.
You mailed it in a little, man.
I'm not going to go with Shane's side.
I'll hear both sides.
Thank you.
Yeah.
There's a money.
There's a money off.
I don't know.
We'll see.
You mailed it in a little bit.
I'll be honest with you.
I did.
That's all I needed.
Look, that's all I needed.
You know, sometimes you don't have it.
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed Shane's first and only appearance.
I've been talking about how great Shane is for fucking months.
Yeah, I come on here.
I've been literally thinking, this guy's fucking hilarious.
Go check out the special specials, the things.
And you come on here.
Just take a look at it.
I'll tell you what did dump.
I'll tell you what did it.
First couple minutes of compliments put me in a show.
Oh, you're such a show a little bit.
Oh, come on.
You were too nice like that.
Yeah.
We were too complimentary.
No, it was nice.
It was great.
Son, I come on here as a brown guy and say, you have a great bit supporting Al-Qaeda.
You know what kind of fucking limb I just walked out on for you?
And then you gave nothing.
You were like, man, you want me to do the bit?
Was this morning radio?
No.
Hey, what's the please talk about?
Just go ahead.
What was that bit you were talking about?
You motherfuckers.
Hey, here's the thing.
You're sitting there in silence for an hour and a half.
Gets this fucking squid game.
You're a little bit of a drink.
He's giving us energy.
Yeah, this is good.
We still came at him the whole fucking time.
Let's fight.
I hate this.
I totally get that guy at your show.
I agree with him for real.
At first, I was like, what a piece of shit.
Now I get it.
We hung out on 30 minutes, and then we told him he sucked.
He's on fire.
We're just trashing him.
Now he's on fucking fire.
NDM is going to be great.
We're restarting the pod.
We were going to do it anyway.
If you thought it was bad, I will restart.
Not enough chromosomes.
How you feel about it?
Any cool shows just fucking chromes?
Chromes.
I support it.
I have, yeah.
Down syndrome.
You might have Down syndrome.
I may.
We were too soft.
Yeah.
We were too soft up front because you know what?
I wanted it to be really good for you.
I wanted it to be really good.
I think it'll be fine.
I leave.
We can't do that with you.
Because I love.
Yeah.
And I wanted this to be so good.
And it wasn't.
We don't love.
When you roast us, that shit, that's your peak.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You started by putting him in a fucking coffin.
And then we're like, all right, let's start.
Yeah, that's that's the energy.
I liked it.
And then it was just like, well, here we go.
No, it's on fire.
Yeah, so maybe I should have just came at your fucking Tom Brady's the greatest athlete of all time.
I looked at you and you were just sitting there in silence.
I was like, fuck it.
I guess we'll go to the notes.
I thought we'd have maybe like five minutes of banter.
What do you want to say, dude?
I don't know.
Like the shit we talk about every week.
Austin was fun.
We should have talked about that.
Yeah.
Getting fucked up together.
I had to try to figure out a scooter.
Yeah.
Those things are difficult.
Yeah.
Oh, it was fun.
Jesus Christ.
Stop it.
These are fun topics.
You can laugh at me.
Stop it, dude.
I fucking hate them.
What else do you think?
I really wish that we had time.
Why?
Is there a time limit?
Just keep it rolling.
Yeah, we're going to keep it rolling.
Keep it rolling, dude.
What are you guys drinking?
What is this?
Is there anything you want to plug?
What up, guys?
Important news.
The infamous tour continues.
That is right.
Thank you so much.
Everybody came out in Vegas.
Whoa, this weekend we are going to be in Louisville, Kentucky.
Never performed in Kentucky before.
So we're out there in Louisville and we are in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Still some tickets left.
Make sure you go get them shits immediately.
DArewSchultz.com.
Go get them.
We also add his shows in a bunch of other cities: Indianapolis, Washington, D.C., San Francisco, Chicago.
Make sure you go get them right now.
DAndrewSchultz.com.
Added more cities very soon.
Announcement on that.
And Akash, why don't you tell them?
First of all, thank you to everybody who came out in Houston.
It was fucking ill.
We sold out two shows, which is great.
We were originally just going to do one, and then I just kept buying tickets.
So that was dope as fuck.
New York Comedy Club tomorrow.
We're filming a little something special.
Those shows are also sold out, but Mark and I will see you there.
If you want to get tickets to shows where they're still available, October 21st and 23rd through 23rd, I'm going to be in New Brunswick, New Jersey at the Stress Factory.
It's one of my favorite clubs.
We're going to fucking kill it.
Go there.
November 6th, we're going to be in Atlanta for the Red Clay Comedy Festival.
December 9th through 11th, D.C., I'm coming to you at the Comedy Loft.
January 7th and 8th, I'm going to be at Hyenas in Dallas.
That was originally going to be in December, but we had to move it.
But we're going to start off 2022 kicking ass and taking names.
So get tickets at akashsing.com.
Alex, hit it.
And I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been booking time and consult with me at WTFMediastudios.com.
Really appreciate it.
Keep doing your thing.
WTFMediastudios.com.
And now let's get back to the show.
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Yeah, how's that?
Where's your top five coolest guys on earth?
Nicholas Cage.
Nicholas Cage.
Actually, Denzel might be.
Denzel's up there.
McConaughey is cool as fuck.
McConney is cool as fuck.
Nah.
Nah, he swagged out.
He's really cool.
I mean, really talented, but I don't know if he's like.
You don't think a white guy's going to crack the top five, dude?
I already gave you Nicholas Cage.
Do you consider him?
Oh, I was joking.
I don't think Nicholas Cage is top five coolest guys.
100%.
Coolest guys.
Yeah.
The coolest guy.
He's literally the coolest guy.
You see what he's doing?
I did see him blacked out in the casino, and I was a fan.
There you go.
Urban Meyer after that tape.
Urban Meyer.
Did you see that video?
Innocent assaulted chicken.
Just getting grinded on by a fucking hot ass chick.
Yeah.
I like it.
While his wife is posting about giving the kids a bath.
She said something like, he deserved a night off or something like that.
And she was like, I'm Alec Clean.
And it was before that got posted, but it was the same night.
God bless football wives, bro.
Dude, the most loyal.
It's like, and also being Urban Meyer's wife is probably so nice in the community.
Like, you're not paying for a single fucking thing.
There's always a parking spot, always a reservation, et cetera.
It's like, are you really going to give that up?
Yeah.
Some blunt bimbo is just.
I didn't even think about that because he's a god in Florida where they love college football, but they don't give a fuck about the Jags.
But when he leaves to coach the Jacksonville Jaguars, he's still in Florida.
He's still where he's worshipped for winning that championship at U of F. Even though he left because he may have had sex with an athlete, female athlete.
But the point is, that's what rumors: a female volleyball player gets sex with something like that.
They're the hottest.
Knows how to pick them.
Yeah.
I mean, hey, good God, dude.
He liked OSU, didn't he?
He knows how to pick him.
He picks winners.
Florida's volleyball team.
I'd like to take a gander at them right now.
Now, I'm back on my Michael bullshit.
Bring him up there, beautiful women.
Get a gamble.
I'd love to share my spirituality with him.
We really did need to trash Shane.
We just need to trash him.
Fuck Shane.
That is it.
Why do you need that?
You're like the Black Panther suit.
Yeah, I'm a lot like the Black Panther.
I didn't say the Black Panther.
I am a lot like the Black Panther.
You insult him and then he's absorbed him.
And then he's fucking Hangax back.
Thanks.
You're like Captain America Shield.
Is that better?
Yeah, I like that.
Although they're making him black now.
Yeah.
How about that?
That's where you draw the line.
I don't like those movies either.
You guys probably like that.
The Avengers movies.
Our female Ghostbusters.
That shit stunk.
You guys like Avengers superhero stuff.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
All right.
Those are for fucking mongoloids.
All right.
I hate to tell you this.
Just beep it, but just use the sound of Sam.
That's exactly.
Oh, my God.
Okay, guess which one?
Go.
I mean, this is probably this year.
It's 2020.
Hold on, hold on.
Finish this point about the mongoloids.
About Avengers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you'd have to be a fucking idiot to watch it.
You don't think it's possible that the most talented writers and directors and filmmakers in history are all working and driving towards one movie that is absolutely perfect with an endless budget?
You don't think it's possible that it's good?
Do you think the perfect movie is the Avengers?
Literally, those last two movies were unbelievable.
All of them.
Unbelievable?
So many of them.
Tell me how believable.
Oh, man.
All is lost.
We're never going to make it.
That's every movie.
Oh, a hero comes back.
So we did it, gang.
That's every movie.
That's every movie.
Watch Manchester by the Sea.
All is lost.
End of movie.
And it stays long.
It's a good movie.
You like that because you're a Scottish-Irish fuck and you like misery.
Sad's good.
He loves sadness.
He's a loser.
I wish you're a special bomb so you could have your Manchester by the Sea.
Yeah, that's what you want.
You are Avengers.
Your end game, you piece of shit.
You want everyone else to suffer around you and you get the success.
Thanos was the best.
He was amazing.
He was great.
That's what made the movie good, you dumbass.
Yeah.
They have a lot of people.
Understandable villains.
Thanos was great.
Why was he great?
I don't know.
I liked it.
I like.
You have no justification for anything.
No justification for anything.
None of your reasons are real.
Why was Thanos great?
Yeah.
Why was he great?
Because he was willing to kill his own fucking daughter to get it done.
I like that.
Not even his daughter.
Or whoever it was.
Adopted.
He threw her off a cliff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that.
For the greater good.
Yeah, and I think he was right.
I think he's like, yeah, population control.
I'm a big Bill Gates guy.
I support all that eugenics.
Yeah.
But no, that shit stunk.
I don't like that.
You know what I don't like?
It's like the sitcom-y, snarky, like Robert Downey Jr. is like a snarky way of comedy in these movies that just sucks.
Hold on, hold on.
Let me go on this.
Like, oh, we have a Hulk.
Oh.
Like, stuff like that.
How would you like them to present the Hulk?
Like, I don't know.
More just like bumble into it or something like that.
If we only had a.
I don't know.
I wish I could articulate this.
He doesn't like Iron Man because Iron Man likes himself.
I liked the.
I was palmed for the first time.
You saw he was uncomfortable when you're talking about how he did a million views and blah, blah, blah.
Because he wants to sit at all times.
He wants sadness at all times.
No, I don't want sadness.
It was not sad itself.
He relished in it.
It was not.
It was the greatest.
He's the joker, bro.
All day.
He's like, I deserve nothing.
And then they took it away.
He was like, yeah, finally.
No, Avengers, you have.
Yeah.
It's not.
I'm telling you, when you dig a little, if you just ask him why he has no, why is Parasite good?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Parasites, it's a great story.
I don't know what to tell you.
Great.
That's not a great story.
You didn't say anything.
You didn't tell me.
You can't answer.
You can't answer these questions.
I can tell you why.
Why is Avengers good?
It's fun.
Yeah.
Funny liners hate funny lines.
Funny lines stunk.
Great action scenes.
Oh, you know what?
Here, I will say this.
What?
They had a whole Guardians of the Galaxy ruled.
First one was great.
Yes.
And I actually.
Do you like that?
Because there are ugly people in it.
I didn't hate suicide squad.
That's the only reason you like that.
I didn't hate it.
Suicide squad.
They took the hot girl and made her uglier.
You loved it.
I didn't hate that.
You like James Gunn?
Is that who's doing this?
Gunn did Guardians and he did Suicide Squad.
Yeah.
I like the gratuitous violence with the comedy.
I thought that was funny.
Yeah.
But I don't like the Avengers comedy.
I think you would have to be a stupid person to be like.
Yeah, yeah.
Largest grossing movie of all time.
Yeah, a lot of stupid people.
Big Bang Theory.
Yeah, yeah.
You have to be a fucking moron to sit there and be like, this is hilarious.
Great show.
Buddy.
Buddy.
Sheldon, get out of here.
You don't think Sheldon's fantastic?
I've never watched it.
Guardians of the Galaxy00:03:57
I never watch it, but I really want him.
Yeah, I can't wait to hear it.
I believe I've got it.
It's like Ocean's 11th for science.
Hey, yo.
It's so true.
Your face is very funny.
Hey, Sheldon.
Fuck you.
Why?
Sheldon is one of the greatest actors of all time.
The kid who plays.
Are you guys fucking with me on this?
You're one of the greatest character actors I've ever seen in my life.
Young Sheldon?
Young Sheldon.
Jim Parsons.
Legend, bro.
Skinny legend.
Okay.
This is unbelievable.
Dude.
This is truly an unbelievable take.
Dude, you're so fucking great.
Dude, you are so fucking young.
You want to ruin the podcast?
What do you want?
Okay, okay.
Thank you for ruining the podcast.
He just wanted to tell me there's no Facebook for three hours.
Oh, yeah, why?
Huh?
That's a story.
Oh, it's a story that came out.
Instagram's down right now.
Boomers have nothing to jerk off to.
What a story.
Are they going to get their pro or anti-trust meeting?
My Instagram reels are wild right now.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Out of yours?
Mine are just the hottest girls ever.
Oh, not the ones you're posting.
The ones you're seeing.
No, no, no.
My algorithm is full pedophile at this point.
They've locked me in.
They are locking me in.
Yeah, the Chinese.
The Jot-Cons.
The Jot-Cons are long.
The Jot-Coms have locked me into being a pedophile.
But it is interesting.
There's nothing I can do about it.
Do you think that's what they're trying to do?
They're trying to, yeah, they're trying to box you in and then get you in trouble.
Yeah, probably.
But yeah, Instagram's down.
This is how addicted I am to it.
Like three different times in the Uber here, I still try.
I kept opening it.
To see maybe.
Just kept opening it.
Not even to see.
I'd be like, oh, yeah, it's closed.
And I'd go back to the other shit on my phone.
I'd go to Instagram.
Yeah.
And I'd be like, oh, yeah, it's down.
I'm incredibly addicted, but somehow I haven't been on it.
But yeah, I do that all the time.
Mindlessly, I mean to do something else, and I'm like, why am I on Instagram?
Yeah.
I'm on Twitter.
What am I doing?
Dude, you're so good at Instagram.
Yeah.
You're so good at it, dude.
I'm not good at any of the internet except finding young women on Instagram.
The algorithm does.
The algorithm does not.
What does your page look like right now?
If you had to describe it.
If I opened it, it's probably college football and then girls doing dances.
That's all it is.
Oh, my God.
Which is nice.
Yeah.
Are you complaining?
Or you seem upset.
Except every time I'm in public, I can't look at it.
Because I look like a fucking psycho.
The genius, though, about the algorithm is you don't feel guilt.
I do feel guilt.
But no, you could say, ah, they got it wrong.
Oh, true.
It's not my fault.
They keep sending me these gorgeous girls.
You're not anything that you want to see in front of you without you typing in young girls.
It's also a good explanation to your girl with you.
I've Googled that.
Exactly.
Why are you looking at that?
I go, Zuckerberg.
Yeah.
Zuckerberg, that fucking pervert.
He's a perv, dude.
Why would you even show up?
What's up at this Olive Garden?
That's not my perv.
You know what's fucked up?
It's like that we make them sing and dance.
Young girls.
Yeah, it's almost like that.
Like walk for cancer or whatever, like the leukemia thing.
Because if they don't, they get trashed.
You ever see the line hot?
Wait, what?
What?
They're just tied.
Damn.
If they're just hot, they get pissed.
Like, people in the comments will be like, oh, wow, really?
Just hot?
You don't do anything?
But if they go like this, and then they're like, ah, sing.
Then all of a sudden they're a superstar.
So we found like the minimal amount that we need hot girls to do.
Just copy the dance in order to not be criticized.
Do the black.
You guys get hyped.
We feel like these are the shit.
We feel like these shit if we're just looking.
That's what we were saying.
Like when we were in Vegas, like when we saw like, I actually thought DJing was hard.
Like I, you know, like mixing and blending songs.
And then I saw it can be.
Maybe it can be.
But and then I saw a fucking hot girl starting a DJ and I was like, they must have figured this shit out.
And now it's like hot girls and like celebs that can't do stand-up.
That's the thing.
Yeah.
Just DJ.
I'm going to DJ a nightclub, get a quarter million dollars in fucking Las Vegas, and then we out of here.
Yeah.
Easiest money to be made possible.
Yeah.
Hot Girls DJing00:03:18
Right?
So what is the minimal amount, minimum amount of work that you have to do to make money?
Yeah.
Girls, this.
Yeah.
Guys.
I don't know what it is about the TikTok.
Well, it's because they're hot girls.
But I like those dances.
Yeah.
I like the face.
The face they make.
Have you ever seen one in the wild?
You have.
Have you ever seen one happening overlooking?
What about when they change outfits?
Oh, when they jump out.
You never know what's going to happen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like you see them in the baggy stuff and you're like, what's going on?
I don't think it's.
Where's this going to go?
Yeah.
She probably doesn't have huge tickets.
What's she perfect?
Oh my God.
She's perfect.
And they surprise you every time.
They're always perfect.
Yeah.
All right, guys.
We need to take a break for a second because y'all are looking real dehydrated out there and we need to switch that shit up immediately.
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Liquid IV Hydration00:11:43
Now let's get back to the show.
Did you ever think about making any yourself?
Some fun tickets?
Some dances?
No.
Okay.
No, I haven't considered.
You look like a great dancer, dude.
I can dance a little.
I can cut a rug.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
No.
I'll show you when we're done.
Okay.
Show us now, buddy.
I'm not going to dance right now.
Buddy.
Don't buddy me.
Don't buddy me.
You're trying to set me up for failure.
You hit me with a buddy.
Yeah.
Show us now, bud.
White people can dance when we ask them to dance.
It's black people that can't do that shit.
You guys.
That would be very uncomfortable.
Oh, yeah, true.
That would be very uncomfortable.
You get all defensive for it.
I'm not.
You're just trying to prove us wrong.
About what?
That I can dance?
Yeah.
I can't dance.
Yeah.
I can cut a rug.
I could dance.
No, I can't dance at all.
Yes.
Yeah, here we go.
Back to that screeching halt we had earlier.
Listen to him.
Listen.
We got.
I'm complimenting him.
We gotta get.
Can we get under his skin again?
Yeah.
Dude, I hate Shane.
Yeah, fuck Shane.
He's just gonna work out.
And his fucking cool sneakers.
Dude, when do you start wearing cool sneakers?
I had to buy these, dude.
Four.
These aren't that cool.
Are you kidding?
Are these cool?
Alex has got them.
Yeah.
He does.
True.
You've got the same sneakers as the black guy on a podcast that wears all the really cool sneakers.
Yeah.
So now Alex has to throw out those sneakers.
There's no way you can be seen with those sneakers.
I got a better version of them, but how are they better?
Those aren't these.
Like the colorway.
This is the only colors they had.
I got them at.
I usually shop at Model's.
Yeah, I know.
100%.
I know.
They closed the Models on fucking Steinway and it ruined my life.
That was where I got all.
I go into, dude, I have the wildest fucking life schedule.
I don't do anything during the day.
So I'll wake up, I get coffee, and then the caffeine hits, and I'm like, I got to buy some new stuff.
And there's a foot locker right next to it.
And I walk into the foot locker and panic.
I walk in.
The same people see me come in every day.
And they're like, how are you?
I was just looking at them.
I don't need help.
And then I walk out.
Why?
Why?
What makes you walk out?
I don't know.
Oh, I get it.
I don't like being in malls or stores.
I'm starting to believe the Downs a little bit.
Yeah, look at that.
Yeah, dude.
Stick the tongue out.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, there might be something there.
There's something there.
There might be something.
I will say this.
Downs guy would love the store.
He would love the store.
Asperger.
This is more.
That's more of an autism.
It's a high-functioning Downs.
Oh, Aspurge.
What's the Asperger's of Downs?
He's got Aspiso then.
What do you have?
There's definitely that.
What is it?
How about that?
I forget what it is.
Is it Aspergis?
Yeah, that's how they say it in Love on the Spectrum.
Oh, Aspurge.
Oh, I suffer from Aspurges.
Actually, they wouldn't say suffer from.
That's wrong.
Yeah.
It's incorrect.
Well, why?
They don't suffer from.
So they're not suffering.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They're having the time of their lives.
Well, the autism, they're not.
Well, yeah, they seem to be having fun.
I happen to have.
I happen to have.
I have.
Yeah, I happen to have autism.
Ah, me too.
What are your favorite colors?
Yep.
I like red.
What are your favorite animals?
Cats.
Ah.
I'm a bit of a dog man myself.
I mean, that's the day.
The fact that you're able to recite it perfectly, that is how they do.
That's what they would do.
Yeah.
Dude.
I'm not autistic.
You don't think at all in the spec?
Have you ever taken a test or something?
No.
For it?
No.
Why not?
Take an autism test?
Yeah.
What's the test?
I think you should take one.
Do you fucking panic at malls?
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you told me people with Asperger's panic at malls, I'd be like, yeah, it makes sense.
Yeah, sure.
The flow of conversation could be tough sometimes.
I think you guys are fucked up.
It's our fault.
Yeah.
One on five.
One on five.
What do you want me to do?
Definitely one on five.
What do you want me to do?
I just entertain.
All right.
Man, I fucking love Avengers.
Is that that hard, Shane?
Is that that hard?
Finally.
Turn it on when you want.
Yeah.
It's all.
Piece of shit.
Because you're acting like we've never hung out on a not podcast before.
Geez.
I'm having fun.
I'm glad.
That makes one of us.
I'm the time of my life.
I'm glad you're doing it.
What else?
What is the podcast normally like?
We bring up a thing that we bring up a race and then we say how it's connected.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Avengers is like Mexicans.
Why, guys?
They just keep coming out with more.
Yeah.
Good formula.
That's fun.
What else you got?
Where we explain why stuff is gay a lot.
We like that.
Yeah, we love that.
See, dude, this is my wheelhouse.
Why aren't we doing that?
Some dude jokes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would say roasted.
Yeah, that might be a little bit insensitive.
Roasted.
Yeah.
Let's do a different one for that.
Bullying.
That's better.
Bullying.
Bullying.
Okay.
But yeah, that's basically the formula to what we do here.
And then maybe we'll have an interesting conversation about a YouTube video that you saw that week.
Yeah.
Right?
Something that taught you something about the world.
And then, you know, the guys will probably support it and encourage you to bring up more conversations.
What other movies are like racist?
No more movies.
I like the movies and races.
I'm just realizing right now, you're a fully fucking autistic.
You never knew it.
I never knew it, dude.
Why is he normally drunk?
And that probably unlocks his personality, his humanity.
Or you just chalk up any of the weirdness to being drunk.
I was just fucking drunk.
That's why he stared at me like this for like 30 minutes straight.
I put his tongue in my elbow.
This whole time, I just thought he's making fun of me.
All I want to do is go home and play video games.
That's all I'm thinking about.
We brought the video games to you.
Oh, you want to see autism?
You're about to see it.
What other movies?
What else we got?
What else we got?
No, go back to making fun of us.
That was really good.
That worked out a lot.
You guys?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want to make fun of you guys.
We're kind of sweet guys.
I like you guys a lot.
You're very sweet.
Yeah.
You guys are sweeter than people would think.
You guys are like fucking religious and like celibate.
Yeah.
I told him I was religious and he laughed in my face.
I couldn't believe it.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
Why are you so surprised?
I told him I don't eat beef and he was just like, why?
And I was like, I'm him that we don't eat beef.
And he just started laughing.
He goes, he was like, we're going to Cooper's.
We're going to barbecue.
We went to barbecue.
He got fucking like a piece of chicken.
Yeah.
He got chicken.
Oh, man.
But I like cows.
I think that's a fair thing.
I think you guys got that right.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks, Michael.
Yeah.
I'm a big fan of cows.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pay hip small favorite animal.
Akash has only been with one woman in his life.
I heard that.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
Yeah, one more than Shane.
One day I hope to get a gay office.
I'll fall in love with a nice woman.
I'll be the ideal man.
He's so good, dude.
One woman.
Yeah.
I like that.
Mark is very religious.
Only one woman.
Yeah.
Exactly, dude.
That's what I'm saying.
You guys are filming all these videos.
You're like private jet, motherfucker.
Yeah.
And then it's like, they're actually like the Brady bunch.
Yes.
They're actually like a sweet woman.
I got a fiancé.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
This is a discussion.
Secretly, just a good group of dudes.
Well, not secretly.
We're looking at the game.
No, I wouldn't get it.
You guys were shitty.
In fact, while Mark was on stage, when I saw you guys perform, I was like, dude, the pussy this guy must get.
I literally was watching just like, this kid must fucking clean up.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I said that type of thing.
I do clean up.
I clean up alone.
Am I?
Off my belly.
That's what I clean up.
Off my chest.
I'm like, can someone give me a towel, please?
Yes.
So that was.
Yes.
That's what I was thinking.
So top five favorite songs.
What's your favorite song?
Top five favorite songs?
Yeah.
Number one, baby.
Shark, shark, shark.
So yes, we're good guys.
Good guys can have fun.
I know.
It's just, it's wholesome.
It's much more wholesome than I imagine.
One woman is incredible.
That's great.
That's good news.
That's the gospel.
That's the good news.
That's the gospel.
Yeah.
It is.
Are you religious?
I was raised Catholic.
Okay.
That means no.
I still fucking.
That's a strong no.
I love Catholicism.
When did you convert to Hinduism?
When was that?
When I fell in love with chaos.
Realized they were majestic.
No, I'm Catholic.
You're Catholic?
No.
No, he's not religious.
You weren't?
I thought Scottish.
I was raised without religion.
I was, yeah.
Like, my mom is a Protestant and Catholic.
Are you not pissing your parents for that?
What's that?
Are your parents are okay with you just going to hell?
I asked them about this.
I got to ask him.
I'm like, mom, hello.
Yeah, I love it.
I literally asked them about this.
I was like, did you guys not want to give me a shot?
I asked them, you know, something.
And they were like, they basically just said, we were cool with you doing whatever.
They didn't have the best experience.
Like a kid's going to discover a religion on this.
I just got, I have all my Jewish friends bringing me to fucking bar mitzvahs and that kind of shit.
And I'm just like, okay, am I going to go that direction?
Like, your nose kind of lead you there for sure.
It might have.
It might have.
It definitely was pointing at you.
What's the stick that leads you to water?
Yeah, a little water stick.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because you're not good at gaming.
You're not good at gaming and you could be better at gaming.
Matter of fact, you could be better at doing anything that you need to do where you need focus and you need energy if you just fuck with gamer subs.
It's that simple.
Also, they got these fire ass, what are these things called, Akash?
Waifu?
No, but what do we call them in America?
A shaker.
A shaker.
Yeah, I think so.
Okay, a shaker.
A thermos?
Not really.
But these waifus, I'm telling you, bro.
A bad bitch shaker.
A bad bitch shaker is facts, man.
These waifus, they got super hot chicks on them with, and they're going for hundreds of bucks on eBay.
You can resell them shits if you want.
You can make a little bread.
I didn't say that you could do that, but that is a fact.
You could do that if you want to do it.
You should probably keep it for yourself, but also sell it if you want to make some money.
But gamer sups, gamer sups.
Let me tell you this.
Gamer Sups is taking esports to the next level because it's curating a nice energy beverage to keep you focused and up and attentive so you can do whatever the fuck you need to do on that video game that you're playing.
You could also use it for some goddamn homework.
You could use it to do a podcast.
If you see me hyped up on a podcast, it's probably because of Gamer Sups.
That's what I mean.
Now he got too much energy?
Shit.
Gamer Sups.
Gamer Sups.
Okay?
Listen, just to let you know, it's keto-friendly.
Okay.
Zero calories.
They got the nootropics to shorten your focus and increase your reaction time.
Zero sugar.
Okay.
It's got organic caffeine to maximize energy and endurance.
No fillers.
Okay.
It has way better nutritional value and has six of the body's most crucial vitamins and minerals.
It's got the electrolytes, the whole nine.
And it's cheap.
It's 35 cents a serving.
Think about that.
35 cents.
Way cheaper than coffee.
Way cheaper than coffee.
100 servings per tub.
So here's what you're going to do.
Go to gamersups.gg.
That's g-a-m-e-r-s-u-p-p-s.g-g.
Use the code flagrant at checkout for 10% off your order.
That is g-a-m-e-r-s-u-p-p-s dot g g.
Go get that gamer sups.
Step your game and up.
And maybe one day you could play against me in FIFA, okay?
And get your whole spread.
Let's get back to the show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, what's that?
I never heard what those are called.
My neighbor's grandpa got a well built in his yard, and they had a guy come out with a stick.
And it basically looks like a giant wishbone.
He's able to find water on the property within like four feet by holding the stick and like following the water.
Wait, why?
What is it?
What's in the stick?
Fucking magic.
No one knows.
Gamer Sups Discount00:06:58
Is he native?
No, he's just a regular old blackout.
It is magic.
I don't know what.
Literally, they used water sticks to find water, and they're like shockingly accurate.
And some people say it's pseudoscience bullshit.
Other people are like, no, it's real.
Also in Florida, like, how are you going to not have water?
Yeah, there's just water.
There's actually, there's a real water line.
What's one foot down?
It should be there.
Yeah, four feet down.
Yeah.
But yeah, no, apparently it's a real thing.
In Philly, probably also.
Yeah, you have that for your nose for being Jewish.
I do.
I can truffle it out.
Truffle pig.
Yeah.
But who's put in the best bid for you to convert?
Probably some evangelicals.
Father Ben.
He put in a good bid?
I think he put in.
Yeah, who went full court press, bro?
What do you mean?
No.
You're a blue chip prospect.
You're a blue chip prospect.
Hillsong.
Hillsong.
They almost got me, bro.
Don't do that.
You're some type of weird.
Weird Christian.
Are you a weird Christian?
Not as regular Catholic.
You're Catholic?
Big time.
Oh, my man.
Roman Catholic.
Yeah.
Bro?
Yeah, but my mom's into it, though.
She's not into the new pope.
She wants the old school Latin mass.
Yeah.
That's actually wrong.
Nice.
Yeah.
SSPX.
New Pope a little too much.
I was afraid to dress cool.
I was afraid you were going to be in the Bieber super church type.
That's the one that was trying to get me.
Don't.
But my guy was the guy who got fucking clipped for banging around with the other girls.
That's what he said.
And now he's in.
Yeah.
Now you're like, yeah, it's a good idea.
I actually heard the whole church might be coming out.
Like the main guy got some shit too.
So we should get into a position of leadership.
I think he's been a leader.
Yeah.
For having sex.
Yeah.
Making love to a woman?
To a woman.
Discovering a buddy?
To discover her buddy.
There's one part in Love on the Spectrum with this guy named Kelvin.
He's the Asian one.
Arguably the GOAT.
First off, he goes in his room and starts drawing like anime with like giant tits.
The camera's sitting there.
He's like, please leave now.
He puts it off to the screen.
He has the most fascinating accent, though, because it's Australian and Chinese and Autistic.
It's all of them.
He has a dating coach, and she comes in, and she's like, what do boyfriends and girlfriends do?
And he's like, spend time.
Like, he won't answer.
And the dad's like, is it hugs and kisses?
And he's like, yes, hugs and kisses.
And the girl goes, do you want hugs and kisses?
He goes, yes.
It's so like, yes, I want hugs and kisses so fucking bad.
Which at a certain point, we have to hire prostitutes to go pleasure people that can't.
What are the rules to that?
Well, I think if it's Aspurges, you should be allowed to.
Should you?
If it's a girl doing it to a guy, yes.
Sex therapy.
If it's a girl to a guy, yes.
If it's a guy to a girl, I'm like, that must be exploitative.
That's fucked.
Yeah.
That's fucked.
And that might be my internalized misogyny, but also it feels weird to me.
No, there's more of acknowledging that.
Yeah, of course.
I'm trying my best to do a global citizen.
Yeah, it's kind of like when you see, like, on Love on the Spectrum, one of those shows, like, Autistic Guy with Down Syndrome Girl.
Yeah.
I've never seen this mixture.
Rose faking.
Yo, there is one who with Downs was like, I got to get in.
I got to figure it out.
Yeah.
That's Ocean 14.
I would definitely watch it.
Put the Downs in DTF.
He's like, that's fucking party star.
That's rock.
Wait a minute.
That happens.
There's a Downs person with a.
But it's completely on me, though, because there's two couples.
There's one couple where it's like.
The guy's normal, the girl's autism.
Are they like breeding?
Are you making breeding?
Yeah, like a liger?
Is that what happens?
Like, is it qualities, a little bit of both of them?
I mean, can we just make like the best fucking counter?
True.
You know what I mean?
Like, can we take the great dominant traits and pass those on or no?
Do midgets have autism or downs ever?
Sometimes really, we were asking if a midget ever had gigantism, and apparently they have someone DM'd me the link.
Yeah, and I stood there.
What a bummer!
Yeah, but anyway, we were talking about those two coming together.
Favorite food?
What's your favorite food?
Chicken wings.
I like chicken wings, mac and cheese.
He blew off a group hang in Austin.
This is real to go eat chicken wings at like fucking midnight at some place.
Chicken wings?
Alone?
Wait, what is this?
A little bit.
What did I do?
Between the first night.
I had a couple drinks.
Yeah, the first night.
And then I was like, buddy, we're eating at Cooper's or whatever.
And you're like, nah, I already got wings.
And I was like, what are you doing?
And he's like, bunching wings.
He said, you don't know anything about wings.
That's a white man's game.
True.
Wings is a white man's game.
From Buffalo.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Buffalo?
Favorite city?
Favorite city.
Go.
Favorite city?
Buffalo?
How about you?
What's your favorite city?
Also, Buffalo.
Buffalo?
Yeah, yeah.
Everybody loves Buffalo.
We were on something, though.
Mixing the downs.
Yeah, it gives you a tie gone.
Can they get pregnant?
Or is it like donkeys?
Oh, yeah, they might be sterile.
I don't know necessarily of what they're doing.
I'm sure.
Jesus Christ, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
What?
You're using very inhumane words to describe people.
Literally.
Are they like donkeys?
How do they breed?
Well, you didn't say, are they donkeys?
It's just like.
Are they like?
Yeah, because donkeys can't reproduce.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not their fault.
Well, mules, actually.
Are mules and donkeys the same thing?
Mules and the horses?
Because I think donkeys reproduce the only mules.
Or donkeys and mules create horses.
Or Jesus Christ.
Donkeys and horses create mules, I think.
I thought it was horses and mules create.
Horses and mules create donkeys.
It's one of those.
See, I'm not autistic.
That's autistic.
I'd know that.
I don't know.
He proved it.
You proved it.
You're the first dumb guy with a personality.
But you didn't prove it by having personality.
You proved it by not knowing something.
So why are some of them so good at like counting cards or whatever like that?
Rainman.
Yeah, but so is that like a random thing?
Or do they all have their own little special?
That's fairly typical.
And some of them just happen to be elite at that one specific thing.
But they just have like immense concentration of focus on one task that they can just become great at if they have some sort of predisposition or gift to be great at.
And that's where you get like the savants.
But most of them, if you just meet a regular autistic person, they'll have some passion about something and know above average about that topic.
Dinosaurs, if they love dinosaurs, they know everything about dinosaurs.
And there's hyper-focus about dinosaurs.
Everything's dinosaurs.
And so they'll know more than you about dinosaurs.
How about Mark?
Mark's a bit of a paleontologist.
Yeah, he's a paleontologist.
My girl, he takes a girl on a date to the Dinosaur Museum.
He's like, you may recognize this dinosaur from the Smash Hit Jurassic Past.
It's a Velociraptor.
And the girl's autistic, too.
She's like, no, I don't know what you're talking about.
She's like, very straightforward.
But it's hard for them today because they'll have different passions.
Different passions.
So one's like, I love dinosaurs.
The other one's like, I love cars.
And it's like, how, like, they, and they can't.
I don't know how to have a conversation with this person.
It's not about dinosaurs.
Literally, their only thing when they're talking is like, all right, my, like, I'm okay with any woman as long as we have the same passion.
And then as like more and more episodes go by, yeah, literally, he'll be like, I'm fine with any woman, even if she doesn't have my passion.
And that's like a major growth.
Autistic Girl Dinosaurs00:13:22
That's like, yeah.
Even if you achieve something, okay, now, do you have to be careful what type of stimulus they experience at a young age?
Yeah, like you're being into Asian, like mango with huge tits.
And then that's all they draw.
Can you put that in?
Like, can you decide what your kid's going to be an expert?
You love editing YouTube clips.
Boom.
Isn't subtitling fun?
Exactly.
Yeah, it's your favorite.
Yeah.
This is good.
And you just make a little army.
You'd almost prefer it.
Your kid comes out normal and you're like, fuck.
Bro.
That's where the stormtroopers might have been, dude.
What do you mean?
You know, from Star Wars.
Autistic?
Yeah.
Just tizzed out?
Tizzed out.
One specific focus.
Unbelievable at it.
That's what the Jedis were when I think because the Star Troopers, they weren't good.
Stormtroopers were not good at it.
What's the Nazis?
You think of the brown shirts?
No, literally, the Stormtroopers.
That's what the Nazis.
Oh, they were Star Wars.
Stormtroopers.
Do you think everything is a fucking metaphor for the yeah?
Yeah.
I think it's just space war.
Do you guys think you're the Jedi?
Yeah, do you think you're definitely obviously not the evil empire?
What are you talking about?
Yoda?
You're not Yoda.
You guys look like Yoda.
You're not Yoda.
None of you are Yoda.
Actually, what do you mean?
We said, oh, Yoda.
Sign this loan you will.
Sign this loan, you will.
Oh, my God.
Okay, guys, we're picking it up.
Yeah, isn't fun.
Way more fun.
You feel it, right?
Are you capable of feeling it?
I feel this, baby.
Okay.
This is feeling it on a ball.
I got the.
What guests normally are good?
Who does good?
Oh, Mateo is so great.
Mateo is great.
Yeah, he's a fucking performer.
He was great.
Yeah.
Francis is good a couple times.
Frank's good.
What?
No, he was great.
He was a performer.
He's a great performer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You see him fucking go down to the cell and like sing and shit everywhere.
He'll speak different languages to be able to.
He's incredible.
I'm in the back, like, fuck.
I'm next.
He's good at Taliban.
Nah, he's amazing.
Who else is really good?
Alex Jones is really good.
Obviously, Alex Jones.
He's very entertaining.
He may be the best.
I watched that.
That was phenomenal.
He is non-stop.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's got, yeah, he might have autism.
No.
No?
No.
Not a chance.
Really?
Maybe a savant.
He's pure feeling, that guy.
Yeah.
True.
Like, intensely aware of energy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I've got a bit of that myself.
I have the symptoms here.
If you'd like to know, I have some of the diagnosable characteristics.
Here we go.
Avoids or does not keep eye contact.
Andrew, how have you felt that our friend has done here?
No, but he'll do the prolonged and the shawl comes out.
You know, we've done that, right?
Like, we've just been out drinking and we'll be like busting balls hanging out and then you'll just lock in.
And I thought you were busting balls or something like that.
I would be.
There's no way I would see.
We'll just be laughing.
Yeah, this guy.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
You'd be like, yeah.
I have fun, dude.
Guys aren't allowed to have fun.
Now you want to have fun.
Guys aren't allowed to drink and have fun with their friends.
Does not play simple interactive games like Patty Cake by 12 months of age.
I was all over cake.
Loved it.
Love cake.
Love cake.
Next.
Does not notice when others are hurt or sad by 24 months of age.
I notice.
I can tell.
How do you notice?
When people are sad or hurt?
Yeah, yeah.
They tell you.
I'm hurt.
Oh, are you?
I can't tell.
Does not pretend in play.
That you definitely don't know.
I pretend I'm a great actor.
What are you talking about?
I love pretending.
Next.
Actually, you are a great actor.
Thanks.
No, don't do that.
Don't compliment him.
No, no.
You're not quite Nicholas Cage.
I actually want to say this.
I think you're top five, dude.
Yeah, you think I'm top five Americans.
Top five American actors.
Now your top five starting to make a little sense.
I would say I'm top five.
Yeah, go ahead.
Does not play games with turn-taking by 60 months of age.
Turn taking?
I don't like taking turns.
Next.
So you're not autistic?
You're just no fun.
That's what you're hoping for here.
You've been around me.
I have.
We know.
That's why we're so pissed off at the first hour.
I have a lot of fun.
All the fun.
I had too much fun the last like month.
That's funny.
And that's where we suffered.
Now the podcast is suffering.
One episode.
Take an episode off, guys.
Whoever's listening to this, suck it up, dude.
You had one bad episode.
Go back to whatever you were doing.
Go watch Matt and Jane's Secret Podcast.
Oh, watch it.
Do it.
They'll tell you.
They'll tell you.
I go on every podcast and ruin it.
And I'm like, see, these podcasts aren't that good.
Yeah.
Come watch mine.
It's kind of genius.
It's a nice move.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Last one.
That was.
All right.
Let's pull one up.
Oh, a difficulty with change.
Copy that change.
Yeah, but I think that's being white.
I think that's being old and you know, getting old and being white.
Could you get away with that?
Could I get away with if you just said you had the burgers, dude?
Maybe.
Because the reaction is often, don't you think this would hurt people?
Yeah, I'm like, no, I don't know.
I don't, you don't know.
How could it hurt someone?
Yeah.
It's words.
Yes.
That is a good point.
Yeah, it's a real catch-all.
You found your victimhood, buddy.
Maybe I do have autism.
That was like, what's her name?
Nanette.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Episode two, she came out and was like, I'm also, not only have I been raped, I'm also retaded.
And the whole crowd was like, oh, the second special wasn't bad.
I actually saw it.
Second special, you liked it?
It wasn't bad.
Really?
Good lord.
Hot take.
Yeah.
I didn't see it.
Was it?
She has jokes.
It's for her crowd, but it's she actually has jokes.
The first one.
Of course.
I don't think she wanted the first one to be a comedy, but I think everybody exalted it as this revolutionary comedy, so we reacted toward them.
Yeah, yeah.
But the second one, you're like, oh, there's actually jokes here.
She can write a joke.
And it's for her crowd.
It's good.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm not giving any pushback.
Yeah.
No, it's gay.
No, it was good.
I agree.
She just became the punching bag.
Yeah, she's symbolizing all the things that.
You know what it was?
It was like, there's probably some fucking name for this, but like when somebody is more famous than they are good.
Like David Beckham was this.
He was a really good soccer player, but he was so good.
He was more famous than good.
He was so famous.
Yeah.
And if you're a soccer fan, you know the guys like Ronaldinho or something like that who was better than him.
So you're like, oh, why isn't Ronaldinho getting some fucking love?
Yeah.
It's rare that you got a fucking, you know, you've got a guy like Chappelle who's as good as he is famous.
Eddie Murphy.
Eddie Murphy.
Exactly.
You know, Chris Rock in his heyday.
And it, and so there's like, if you're critical of him, then you're just kind of like bitter or like fucking upset.
But yeah, maybe.
Yeah, she was like a focal point of the culture war.
Yes.
Their side champion to them.
And I was kind of that for a minute on that side.
Yeah.
And then everybody on the left was like, fuck him without even, you know, knowing it.
Getting to know me as a person.
Did you ever think about sitting down with Nanette?
I would love to talk to Nanette.
Yeah.
Yeah.
About what?
What would we talk about?
It's just a lot of fucking lower jaw action.
Just both of us.
I don't know.
See, this is the type of what would you talk about with Nanette?
I'd want to know just what it was like.
I bet she's nice.
I bet she's actually nice.
You know, Des Bishop?
Yeah.
See how it's like he's friends with her.
He's known her for like a while.
And he was like, yo, she's funny.
Like, she's been doing it.
She's a pro.
She's been doing this forever.
Yeah.
And, you know, yeah, it got, you know, the culture war obviously played a part in fucking everything.
And she just got too famous for what the special was.
Yeah.
And she kind of acknowledged it in the one that I saw that was fun, where she said, like, if I had known how much you guys would have loved my trauma, I wouldn't have used it all up in that first one.
Yeah, but then she proceeds to be like, actually, I'm autistic.
Yeah, I think that's a little annoying.
It's like, let me just, okay, this works being a victim.
What else?
What else do I have?
And then she did a slideshow and she pointed out things.
I don't remember that.
It was, she did a slideshow.
I don't know.
Pointing out what?
Like Renaissance paintings.
Like, this woman's being victimized as a joke.
Somebody.
Yeah.
It wasn't bad.
You were incorrect.
Now that I'm thinking about it.
It was bad.
Yeah, I didn't think it was bad.
I remember watching it and being like, oh, this isn't bad.
I think maybe there were jokes.
And the first one, I didn't think there were jokes.
And I didn't agree with everything she said.
Yeah.
And so I was like, yeah.
Second one, I gave it a chance and I was like, okay.
It was a little contentious.
I remember there is a thing.
That's a little annoying.
There's a thing that exists in this kind of like open-minded, like higher-level comedy, which is like, they'll use a slideshow.
I remember I saw Ricky Gervais read from a card about this funny thing that he got in the mail.
And I was like, how do you shit on Carrot Top for props and then use props?
Like, this is prop comedy.
Just because somebody else said it or it's a slideshow, that doesn't make it not prop comedy, which is fine, but don't make Carrot Top the worst fucking comic that's ever existed.
And then before a reason, that what you do is, oh, it's higher level when I do it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hear what you're saying.
Yeah, everybody, what is it?
I found it a bit hypocritical.
Everybody's got the blinders on to their own hypocrisy.
And it's not like you guys are supposed to be the ones that like higher level comedy.
I'll laugh at juvenile shit, which is fine, but I don't look down on that shit.
You'd be hollowing.
It's a very same thing.
He'd be hollowing.
It just wasn't good.
I wanted to like it.
It just wasn't good.
It's good.
I'm telling you, it's good.
I went into it thinking this is wait.
I can't wait to see it.
I think you guys like seeing people who look more retarded than you.
It was wonderful.
Shut the fuck up, dude.
You pussy.
What the fuck was that about, dude?
We had such a good week together.
We were friends.
I come down here, you shit on me in front of everyone.
That's fucking terrible.
That's what you need.
That's backstabbing.
Oh, my God, dude.
I'm nothing but supportive to you guys.
Bring me down here and treat me like a fucking dog, dude.
Say I suck.
I mean, dogs.
Dogs have.
Dogs do have downcentral.
There we go, dude.
It's a nice, and it sounds worse than it is, that comparison.
It sounds terrible.
Dogs having downstream?
I don't think that's comedy.
It sounds like it's very mean.
No.
But it is a nice thing because dogs are the best.
Do we like dogs or do we hate them?
I love dogs.
That's the thing.
We all like dogs.
Everybody appreciates dogs, but they're this super insulting thing to call human beings.
Compare them to a woman.
So what's our relationship with dogs?
I mean, subhuman.
We're saying we're animals.
But the parts of them that we like are not subhuman.
Subhuman is the correct answer.
That is the actual answer.
That is the problem.
I see the issue there.
But if you say dog-like, you know, like.
No, dog-like is still bad.
But I'm just saying, like, the love that you get from a dog is better than a fucking human.
Patrice had that amazing joke about, like, you know, I love my girl, but I love my dogs.
Like, I can't do it.
Norm in a room.
Norm just had it with Hitler.
Hitler and the dog.
His last special was like the dog.
Dogs love us.
And Hitler had a dog that was like, I know.
Goebbels, you're great.
I love you.
But Hitler, I fucking love him so much.
And then I need the special ends right there.
He's like, this is, yeah.
Can you share some of the stuff with Norm?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That you have with Norm?
It was just, he reached out.
He was a big, when people were going through it, Norm was one of the guys that would always reach out.
And yeah, that was it.
Just reached out.
He sent me some cool stuff about like funny will win.
Yeah.
That was the coolest shit ever.
Yeah.
He was like, there's a war right now.
I don't want to.
I don't want to spill the beans on a nice thing, but it was like.
You guys had a private thing.
Yeah, it was cool.
And it ended up being supportive when you were gone.
Spoke like poetically, yeah.
It was awesome, yeah.
And it ended.
One of the messages ended with like, in a war for comedy, I think the ones with jokes will win.
I was just like, yo, yeah, that's fire.
Norm McDonald is king.
Yeah, and he in no way has to do that.
No, you know what I mean?
To reach out, you know, especially at that time, I thought was really cool.
It was two years ago.
I mean, he, yeah, as he's battling something, no disrespect, way worse.
Yes, you know what I mean?
He's like, hey, you need help?
I was with Adam Egot most of the time in Austin, the guy, you know, Adam?
Yeah, yeah, from the store, right?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
So me and Adam went to the Cowboys Eagles game and we were hanging out in the whole time because he was best friends with Norm.
Yeah.
So he was like going through it, but he went through it the same way as like he we just talked like Norm the whole time.
Like the whole game like ah, he must have, yeah, he got hip pretty hard.
Norm McDonald King00:02:35
You know what's worse than getting hit like that?
Blood cancer.
Yeah, it's no good that blood cancer.
It was like that the whole time.
It was great.
I hope that wasn't sharing too much for Adam.
No.
But yeah, it was fun.
Norm's the best.
Yeah.
Well, it was, but he died of fucking.
Ah, right.
I forgot he fucking vanished.
Yeah.
Norm.
Yeah.
Classic.
Nah, he's a fucking man.
That was cool.
Yeah.
There's that fucking passage, man, from his book, man.
I sent it to you.
You read the book, but I keep thinking about that shit.
Yeah.
It was awesome.
Yeah.
Is this what Manchester by the Sea is like?
Worse.
Way worse.
Similar to that movie.
Have you seen it?
No, it's never going to watch it.
It's actually worse than blood cancer.
What happens in that movie is worse.
Yeah.
Yes.
I'm not going to watch it ever.
Yeah.
You like it.
If you like all the teenager movies you like, you're going to love this one.
Why is that?
If you have kids' brain, you're going to love Manchester by the Sea.
What is big colors on the screen?
Whoa, there's so many explosions in colors.
Hey, he can fly.
I didn't know he could fly the whole time.
Do you think people think I'm dumber than you?
You're banking on people buying Interrupt.
I bet they know.
I have faith.
But no, just like you guys are proving already, majority of the people are dumb.
Majority of the people in the comments will be like, fuck, that retard Avengers is so good.
Fast and fear is my favorite movie, motherfucker.
What is worse to watch?
Like teenager movies or teenagers?
I love teens.
I love watching the teens.
Yes.
I'll toss on Avengers to pretend I'm, you know, we'll watch it together.
What do you like?
What do you kids like?
It's a tricky algorithm.
You're like, listen up, phone.
Serve them up.
Yes.
You're stupid football.
Oh, my God.
They do need to stop serving up teens on the internet.
They do.
Should be illegal, huh?
Yeah.
It should be something.
Yeah.
Because then, but nobody's willing to bring it up because then you have to be the one to be like, it's hot.
They're like, what?
What's wrong with a teenager dancing?
It's like, shouldn't you just be able to say, don't show me anything under 20?
Like, just put the fucking date.
TikTok started it.
Good.
If you're under 18, please.
They won't show you if you're under 18 or something like that.
I forgot what the protocol was.
Perfect.
It was some type of inhibitory.
And it should just be on every single phone.
Yeah.
But then you have to have one person that has to go through everything and determine if it's sexual in nature or not.
Don't you have to put your okay.
Don't you have to put the date, though, for your birthday?
Yeah, or if you don't put anything sexual, you just go.
TikTok Age Limits00:04:34
Here's a funny cow fact.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know if you're 12.
You don't even tell me anything.
You want to know about cow facts?
I'd love to know cow facts.
I think they have like three stomachs or something.
He loves cows, dude.
I thought it was eight, but yeah.
Is it eight stomachs?
That's gone down.
You should know.
You guys are fucking worshiping them.
I like them.
You guys fucking love them, dude.
We do love them.
We do love them, but not for their stomachs.
You don't like the guts?
What do you like about them?
The milk.
The cool horns.
The milk.
Yeah.
Precisely, yeah, dude.
I think we really saved the pod, man.
We turned it around.
We really turned it around, man.
I don't know what to tell you.
I think you take about an hour to warm up.
No, he needs it.
He needs the fucking pokes.
He needs a little poke.
He needs it.
Too much love up top.
He didn't know how to handle it.
I didn't like that very much.
Yeah.
What did it make you feel like?
What does it make me feel?
I don't know.
I don't know.
You don't feel like you deserve it or something?
That's what it is.
I don't know because I do think the special is good.
I'm happy with it.
Don't call yourself the special, okay?
You're a general person.
Shane, you're a good guy.
That was good.
That was a good one.
You're a fucking cocksucker, dude.
You guys bring me down here to just trash me.
This is hate on the spectrum, bro.
Dude, we tried giving you praise.
You guys treat me like shit.
We tried giving you praise.
It ruined the podcast.
Listen.
He's leaning forward like he's Jordan.
He's trying to meet his jaw.
My job calibrates.
It's in.
So don't try to put that on me either.
It was just one time.
I wish I had it.
It was just one time.
It was like that.
And his mouth was a little bit more open.
Billy Bob Thornton's better.
Slingblade's better than Nick Cage.
Yeah, actually, Billy Bob Thornton, beast.
Yeah.
Real beast.
You were here for Halloween one year, weren't you?
Yep.
Which character?
Slingblade?
Yep.
Nice.
Can you do it?
Yep.
Man.
Did you do the voice?
Yep.
Let me hear it.
Hi, I'm Billy Bob.
I'm Thornton.
Wait, you sucking breaths?
I've never ever seen the movie.
He's good accents.
He's got accents, though.
Yeah, but do Australian.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
I just nodded.
All right.
Are you all tonight?
Yeah.
Are you dogs?
On your back and wet up, you dog content.
Yeah, you got it.
Nice.
All right.
What accent?
I'm good at one of them.
But now I can't do English.
I can only do one or the other.
It shuts off for some reason.
I don't know why.
True.
So go English.
Hello, Mike.
See, now I'm already.
It's a bit of a fucking problem, isn't it?
You can do cockney because it's different.
Sure.
Do refined English than Australian.
Hold on, I'd have to hear it.
Hello.
I'm Stewie.
I can't do English.
I have to do a specific person, or you could do Gypsy King or something like that.
Yeah.
Right?
No, I don't think I can do it.
A thing you spoke about free in the morning.
That one's easy.
I was over there about free in the morning, Jack.
Free in the morning.
I could do Irish for a second.
Your face does the impression.
I have to show you.
McGregor's kind of.
I used to be able to do it.
Go, go, go, go.
Hold on.
Give me what's he talking about?
I'd like to apologize to absolutely.
I'd like to take this time to apologize to absolutely nobody.
That's good.
Nobody.
Nobody.
Yeah.
Yeah, the throat.
Hey, Connor, what are you doing?
Nate's best.
Go, Nate.
Nate's, you know, fuck that.
Like, his is easy.
It's very slight lisp.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
Does it sound good?
No, keep going.
He said two words.
Shut up.
You try one.
You do one.
You just sit here and criticize, criticize, criticize.
I'll give you one impression.
Loretta Devine.
Let me hear it.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
And Chris Rock.
I'm Chris Rock.
I got a good Chris.
Let me see Chris Rock.
I can hear it.
What do you want to see my Chris Rock for?
Yeah.
You want me to dance for you?
Cracker.
Just use it as an excuse to call people crackers.
I do a real good Chris Rock.
You fucking cracker.
Who else you got?
Oh, my God.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'd have to.
Connor's good.
Connor, I used to have it good.
Now I can only say like a couple lines.
I used to be able to talk like him because the Dublin's like choppy.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, oh, he was down there, and this man did this.
Great.
Like that type.
Tes, tas, tas.
Chris Rock Impressions00:04:26
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're an Irish kid.
It's just in you.
It's in your blood.
But that high kick guy that you did, and it's almost like a breathing out.
Yeah.
Is really good with Connor.
Nate, I used to have perfect.
So, like, fuck that.
I went down there.
Like, I tapped those.
It's when he's talking about going on.
It sounds like he's from fucking Philly a little bit.
Nate?
Yeah.
Well, like, Washington.
What's that accent?
Like, oh, yeah, Philly.
Yeah, water.
Water.
Water.
Yeah.
Some fucking water.
Fuck that.
That's really all you have to do to him.
No one knows what even a gazelle is, dude.
That's one of the classic quotes.
How about you?
What else you get?
Loretta?
I mean, Stockton is just Philly, I think.
Stockton is West Coast Philly.
Basically, right?
Sure.
It's just Philly with like Latinos.
Yeah.
Damn, we got Dr. Umar, though.
That's good.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
That was fun.
He needed a fun episode.
Everybody.
I needed to get a good Dr. Umar.
I don't think it was that bad.
Well, the way that we edited it's going to be great.
Yeah.
Edited out the movie stuff, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
45 minutes of movies.
45 minutes of just like, what else was it?
Same names of movies.
There was a good five-minute period.
We were just like, Interstellar.
Yeah.
Interstellar was good.
I liked it.
Great movie.
Dude, Jessica Chastain, the hottest girl that isn't sexual autistic.
Yeah, of course, dude.
I'm not the only one.
What happened?
You started talking about movies immediately.
Movies are fun to do.
Movies are fun to talk about.
Jessica Chastain from Interstellar, the Redhead.
Oh, yeah.
And then she also got Bin Laden.
I'd like to kiss her.
And she got Bin Laden that fucking piece of shit.
Free our man Bin Laden.
Free Bin Laden, dude.
Bin Laden home.
I don't think he got.
Bin Laden.
I don't think they killed him.
He's innocent, bro.
No, I don't think they killed him.
He's back with the CIA.
Really?
Back chilling with the Mossad.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Shane.
What's the craziest conspiracy you actually believe?
I don't know.
That is a tough one.
I think COVID's pretty crazy.
I don't believe it.
I think the vaccine's a little weird.
I don't think it's much of a conspiracy to be a little skeeved out on it.
Bill Gates and Vaccines.
I don't think it's a microchip thing.
I don't think the ramifications are like you're going to get cancer or sick.
I don't think it's that.
But it'll make it too much.
But I do get a little suspicious when it's like mandates.
That bothers me.
Firing everyone.
That bothers me a little, right?
And I got vaccinated.
I'm not like one of those guys.
Which one?
Which one?
I got Pfizer.
Okay.
You're going to get that booster?
No, I probably.
I have to get the booster.
Apparently, Pfizer needs a booster.
Probably I'm done with the show.
Darn, I don't.
Dude, as soon as I saw that fucking clip of what's his name, dancing to it.
The night show.
Colbert.
Oh, yeah.
I watched it.
I was like, I did get tricked.
I fucking got tricked.
I got this fucking vaccine.
You know that they're making fun of themselves, though.
Yeah, in context.
Were they?
I only saw it.
So out of context, it seems ridiculous.
It seems like they're promoting the vaccine, but they have a segment called The Vaccine.
Oh, like that they would, and they did a little jingle afterwards, and then they would laugh at how stupid the jingle is.
The vaccine stuff.
And then after like two or three weeks, I guess, of doing it, they were like, okay, let's act out the jingle.
Like, they're making fun of how ridiculous it was.
But when the right-wing guys were just tweeting it out, it looked like the most absurd promotion of getting vaccinated.
Yes.
I still don't like it.
I think you should get the booster.
Now I hear you.
I'm not getting the boost.
What are you talking about?
I think you'll get it, dude.
You have to.
Did you get COVID?
Yes.
I did get COVID.
Yeah.
And I have the vaccine.
I think I'm all right.
But Israel, if you're not with the booster, you're not fully vaccinated.
You can't go to Israel, bro.
You've removed everyone's.
I think he's getting my plans for that thing we were crisping about.
What is that?
What was that for?
Free my Palestine.
I got him out of his fucking computer.
See how quick that was?
So, did someone say Palestine?
Nose was like a shark face.
He doesn't even have a mic either.
That's great.
He can't say anything.
It's okay, Dovets.
We love you.
Okay, listen, we've recorded enough.
Yeah, look, I think it's enough.
It's gone long enough.
I don't think it's going to get better.
You know what?
This is like as long as this can go.
Do you remember Mitch Hedgeberg's special when like whatever his fucking name is?
He said it so disrespectful.
He shook his head aside.
Remember Mitch Hedgeberg?
Whatever his name is.
Pringles Jokes and Sketches00:01:34
You know, the guy.
Pringles is a joke, you know.
Pringles is a joke.
What are you talking about?
That's just wild.
That's face to be.
This is disrespectful.
That's really wild.
This is a Pringles joke.
So look, so this is all.
So, but he was fucking hilarious.
There's no question.
I'm just buzzing balls out there.
Is that what you're getting at?
No, the first part he bombed.
Yeah.
There's a special where the first part he bombs.
He kind of acknowledges it.
And then the second part he starts just murdering.
Yeah.
I'm a bit like Hedgeberg.
You're right.
Murder is a lot, you know.
But he.
I mean, I had to carry the load here.
You did.
I had to carry the work.
You did, bro.
You got, I mean, Jesus Christ.
You were just sitting with the whole team, yeah.
Flagrant too.
I had to put the whole thing on my back.
You're fucking back, dude.
You guys built this thing waiting for me.
That's a fact.
But you fucking did it, bro.
Yeah.
I'm tired.
I like to have a nip.
I am going to masturbate and take a nap after this.
Okay, sick, dude.
I'm going to tell you what I love about you soon.
I love you.
Whoa.
I love you guys.
I love you, man.
I do love you guys.
Anyway, Shane, we love you.
You're the fucking man.
Thanks.
And I'm really stoked for everything that's happening for you.
Shane Gill is live in Austin, right?
Matt and Shane Secret Podcast.
Check out the sketches too, man.
The sketches are fucking awesome, dude.
Funny.
And Love on the Spectrum, too.
Check that out.
And Love on the Spectrum.
The specials and Love on the Spectrum.
We love you.
We appreciate you.
And anything we can do to obviously help you, we will be here.