Andrew Schulz dominates the Flagrant 2 episode by declaring himself the greatest MMA journalist, arguing female fighters must prioritize knockouts over Valentina Shevchenko's strategy and dismissing jiu-jitsu as worthless without testosterone. The hosts debate South Korean President Moon Jae-in's dog meat ban, analyze Chris Cuomo's alleged buttocks grab as mere harassment rather than sexual misconduct, and question if Dwayne Johnson's Apache heritage grants him a pass for using the N-word. Ultimately, the chaotic discussion blends controversial sports opinions with cultural debates on gender, language imperialism, and celebrity behavior. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome Back to Flagrant00:15:13
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant 2.
It's your boy Schultze.
We got the whole crew back, man.
Akash Singh in the building, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, the Truffle.
And how y'all doing, man?
How's everything?
Good, man.
Yeah, amazing.
Everything's feeling good?
Good to be back.
Okay, you had a good weekend out there in Texas?
Yeah, man.
It was my first comedy festival.
Okay.
It was cool because I had stopped.
I didn't get one for so long.
I told my agents, like, just don't even try anymore.
It's fine.
And then they asked me to do it, and I got to headline my own show.
And like, they threw me on every show they could, which sometimes you'll sit there and you'll get like one show.
Yeah.
But they had me fucking running, which was great.
It was cool.
And like, even outside of the show, I headlined, you'd be big pops when I got on stage.
And it's like, oh, motherfuckers are finding out.
That's good.
It was real cool, man.
So you felt like a celeb.
Yeah, it was cool.
Like, you know, I didn't feel like you, but I mean, like, at a festival, it's like the interesting thing about festival, I think, why it feels so good, especially as a comic to perform at a festival, because it just centralizes all the fans of comedy.
Yeah.
So the chances of them knowing about you are very high, right?
So you're in this like three-block radius where all the comedy fans and all the comics are there.
Yeah.
It's kind of similar to like being somebody in basketball at the arena where the game is going.
Right, right.
You know what I mean?
So like if you're a guy who used to play, if you're like Larry Johnson walking around the garden, a lot of people are going to know you.
They're coming up.
They're doing this shit.
Four-point play.
You feel like a superstar, right?
If you're Larry Johnson walking around Lululemon, they're just like, see, the security, like, who is the women that have no fucking clue?
It was a little demoralizing because I didn't realize that until like the second or third day, but I was before, I was like, I'm popping in Austin.
I was hot as shit in Austin.
That's all good.
Why'd you have to share like shit on it?
I don't know.
Nobody knows you outside of comedy.
No one knows you.
You're huge at Austin, bro.
Austin, that's who you want.
I don't give a fuck if casuals know me yet.
Let me get the comedy fans and that's what starts.
Fuck casuals, dude.
You're a casual fan, dude.
Let me get the comedy fans first.
Let me finish.
The comedy fans first.
Who'd you have first?
The casuals?
You had the fans first.
Yes, yeah.
You're a casual fan and spreading this.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't be a casual fan.
Any casual is a fucking door.
Honestly.
Because now I'm a little bit more.
My bad.
I'm a little slow.
We had the perfect segue.
I'm a little slow.
You're not a casual, though.
You're a thing.
You're an expert.
I'm an expert.
100%.
The world's foremost expert.
Yeah, I'm the greatest MMA journalist of all time.
Yeah.
Ever.
Yeah.
Break that down.
Break that down.
I don't get what that is.
It's pretty fucking obvious.
I don't get what happened.
What is there to break down?
Not breaking their down.
There's MMA and there's journalism.
And then when they cross, it's Schultz.
That's all you see.
There's no one else.
There's Ariel Helwani.
I'm ready to do a face-off with him right now.
Yeah.
Just watch them nose mash into each other from a mile away from the other sides of the podium.
You guys can be socially distanced and touchy noses.
That's great.
No, but for real, I'm the greatest MMA journalist of all time.
A lot of people know this about me.
Those who don't, fuck your mother sucks my dick.
That's true.
Like, if you didn't know that about me, your mother sucks my dick.
Maybe that's another thing you didn't notice.
But maybe you did notice that also.
You know, just walking around wheezing all the time.
That's me clearing out space in her throat.
Jeez.
It's true.
There are things that are true.
There are things that are factual.
Okay.
Did Genghis Khan have the greatest empire in history?
Was he the greatest conqueror ever?
Okay.
Was it really tough getting Rhinocero from South Sudan to Rome?
One of the lead and foremost historians.
You're a historian, too.
I'm also that.
We'll get to that later.
Okay.
Am I the greatest MMA journalist of all time?
Yeah.
Yes.
Do I know all things MMA?
But what qualifies you?
Like, what's your authority?
Oh, this right here.
That's my number one qualifier right there.
That is my number one.
A lot of people.
So have it.
They weren't respecting your greatness.
Okay.
So I'm watching an MMA fight.
All right.
Okay.
As I do.
Would you have seen it?
Say again?
Would you have seen it?
No, some people were fighting.
And I forget who was fighting, but it was some people.
They were doing the whole fighting and rapping.
Like with hands and stuff.
Yeah, yeah, with the little mittens.
They got the little cut off there.
Big Jay Ogres.
It was like they got the Big Jay Ogres and gloves in there, and they're like hugging and wrestling.
You rode a motorcycle?
I got Skank Fest.
I paid for the pay-per-view.
I'm like, I'm watching Skank Fest.
It was.
It wasn't.
So I'm watching Skank Fest, and then there's a girl that comes on.
There's two girls that come on to fight, right?
What?
I know.
And I've been telling all these people this on the internet.
They come for the ring.
Like every time the ring is the round is over, they're all fine.
Oh, I thought they were cooking the meals for the guys before they went.
I'm being honest with you.
I thought they were there to tidy up the ring before the guys in the morning.
Okay, that makes sense.
I see the girls in the ring, and I'm like, okay, they're here to clean up some of the blood off of the ground or something like that.
They're getting the fight ready for the guy.
That's a necessary thing.
Because here's the thing: I'm a fan of female MMA, and I'd said this before, but only if they were born with penises.
That's the only female MMA stars that I'm not.
That's progressive.
Son, I'm the most progressive guy that you can imagine.
I'm the foremost historian on progress.
Listen, I am the greatest journalist when it comes to progress.
Okay?
I put myself in the line of fire.
Wow.
I've done this before many times.
Name one time where I wasn't alive.
I'm infamous for it.
Son, I'm literally infamous.
You are.
Afghanistan.
Was I not there?
What do you mean?
I'm sure there's people that look like you.
Yep.
Yeah.
I was there.
I'm sure.
I was there when the Taliban took it over.
In Afghanistan?
I was in.
You guys.
No, I remember.
You don't remember me being late for the podcast?
I was like, I'll be right there.
I was just in Afghanistan.
I'm all the way back in Texas.
Say again?
I think we're in Dallas.
I've been in Texas.
I've been in every place.
That's the thing.
I've been literally everywhere.
Like a lot of you guys, listen, and I'm not trying to be disrespectful to you guys, but you don't understand what it's like to take a rhinoceros from South Sudan to Rome because you haven't been to South Sudan.
If you've been like me, I've been there.
Dude, I plucked a mean out of the Sudan and placed him at fucking ESPN.
How do you think he got here?
Same way we got the rhinoceros of Rome.
I brought him.
You're a hero.
You're a hero.
I'm a hero.
You're a hero.
I find talent.
I remember in Sweden.
Sweden, they're racially profiling me.
You stepped in front and try to racially profile me.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And they charge me like that rhinoceros.
I know better.
I have experience.
I have experience.
You got to get to it.
You got to get absolutely.
I gave him the little fingers.
I gave him jazz hands, bro.
I gave him jazz hands.
First of all, no black people in Sweden.
They don't know what Jazz is.
If they did, if they did, that probably would have worked.
He would have respected it.
He would have respected it.
I feel you.
I feel you.
So fuck him.
Fuck Sweden.
Fuck Sweden.
I'm one of the most renowned historians of Sweden, too.
I am.
I literally am.
I still want to know what happened.
Yeah.
So a few people have brought forward your tweets and said that you were inaccurate or just outright disrespectful.
I'm watching this fucking cleany lady.
Disrespectful is so funny.
It is some funny thing.
People said this.
Okay, I was disrespectful to one of them.
When I said that she looked like a diner waitress, that was disrespectful.
But I was charged up.
That was funny.
I was also hilarious.
Yeah, I also.
Undeniably funny line.
For fans of a sport where people literally will kill each other sometimes, you're kind of cucks.
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, that was so offensive, Darling.
We're going to get into it.
You sound like AOC fans, not UFC fans.
No, no, yeah.
These, these are definitely like, there's a QAnon portion of the UFC fan base, like, especially with MMA.
He's digging a grave.
Oh, God.
Listen, if you come at the king, you best not miss.
I'm the greatest journalist in UFC history.
You might not miss.
That's the point.
You cannot miss.
You cannot miss.
You might not.
That's the point.
Hey, I'm just going to keep ignoring what you're saying.
Hey, this is honestly their fault.
Say what?
You tried to have a fight party, and then these guys all acted like they were too busy.
They could have stopped you from tweeting that shit.
If you were here without people, they could have been like, Yo, yo, yo, you're baby tiger in it again.
Oh, I regret it.
Oh, you think you would have said it out loud?
I was on mushrooms in the desert.
Oh, because I didn't have pussies at the party.
That's the thing, right?
There was real men at the party.
I had to go real and understand real men at the party understood how to talk shit and they were charging me up.
And I was just talking my feelings, bro.
That's what it is.
If I have feelings, I speak them.
The girl that was fighting, this girl, Chev Chenko, right?
She's supposed to be the.
Have you ever watched a Chev Chenko fight?
No.
Have you ever watched a Chev Chenko fight?
Come on.
Exactly.
Have you ever watched a Chev Chenko fight?
Maybe, but I don't remember.
Exactly.
You don't remember.
Do you remember who Chev Chenko is?
Five-time fighter champion.
You know that because of the comments on my fucking post.
The point is, what I said to her is that I'm seeing this.
If we're being real about it, if we're actually not being hyperbolic here or not being sarcastic, we're actually going to be real.
This girl is incredibly skilled.
Yeah.
Like, amazing striker.
And I'm watching.
I've never seen her fight before.
I've heard her name a little bit.
I understand all these MMA fans, they fucking love the female MMA shit like that.
I don't know what it is.
That's weird to me, yo.
I think there's a whole thing where it's like, I get to lust over a woman, but it looks like I care about sport.
You know what I mean?
There have been main cards where you didn't expect to enjoy a female fight and it was the best fight of the night.
Yes or no?
There have been some incredible work is like watching female MMA.
So so what I'm doing is listen, it was unnecessary.
It was unnecessary.
Listen, everybody getting these shots now.
Listen, when you come for the greatest MMA journalist in history, I have to back up what I'm talking about.
Okay, obviously.
So I tweet things out.
And naturally, since I'm the greatest MMA journalist in history, they're going to react, right?
I'm not just some pundit.
I'm not just some guy with a podcast who like maybe just started watching MMA a couple years ago and I find it interesting and I'm a big fan of the sport, right?
And I try to do my best to promote the fighters so that they can make fucking money and use our platform.
So they can do, I'm not that.
I'm the greatest MMA journalist in history, right?
That's who I am.
So I understand whatever I say.
You know, this is high stakes here.
Okay.
So this Chev Chenko girl, she's in the ring, okay?
The fucking ring, the octagon, whatever you want to call it.
Okay.
It doesn't matter.
What do you call it as a journalist?
What do I call it?
Yeah.
I thought it was a broom closet when I saw those two girls in there.
I thought it was a broom closet, right?
I didn't think that, right?
So I see the girls in there.
This Chev Chenko girl, in all seriousness, is incredibly skilled.
And the other girl, I'm sure she's fucking a beast, but she's not as skilled.
I know enough fight sports to know, I know enough about fight sports to know when one is at a completely different level.
Okay.
Here's the thing: Chev Chenko carries her for four rounds, gets the finish in the fourth round.
I tweet earlier a thing.
I'm like, what do you do?
Like when you're there, there's this much of a skill discrepancy.
You need to get this chick or dude out of here early.
The thing about the UFC, which is amazing, is they just reward entertainment.
If you take risks and get knocked out, you'll be fighting in three months again, if it's entertaining.
It doesn't matter.
The final card, I don't know if you guys saw it.
You guys didn't see it, but the final card was one of the most amazing cards ever seen.
Neither fighter lost any ground in terms of promotion.
Brian Ortega for Volkanowski.
Neither fighter.
Both of them can fight again.
There's even more interest.
Volkanowski won, amazing fucking heart, but so did Ortega.
It was amazing the fight.
I'm watching this girl carry this other girl for four rounds.
And I'm just like, what the fuck are you wasting our time for?
Okay.
You are so much better than this girl.
She's not willing to take the risk in order to be a superstar.
Amanda Noones, the only reason I know her name is because she goes in the ring and she leaves women unconscious.
Okay?
You know who Amanda Noones is.
You know who Amanda Noons is.
You know, maybe.
You know who Amanda Noones is.
You know who Amanda Noon is.
She goes in the ring and leaves women unconscious.
Okay.
That's the only way.
Ronda Rousey.
Yeah.
She was a fucking WWE star.
Goes in the ring, leaves girls unconscious, or taps them the fuck out, or chokes them out, whatever judo shit she was doing, so she ran into Holly Home and then it was over.
Point is: the only way that people are going to know you, especially if you're a female in the fight sports, is if you're finishing people.
Ain't nobody got time for the technique.
People talking about, oh, she speaks seven languages.
Rubber.
Go work for the FBI.
Go be a USA.
Get a job at the CIA, bro.
You know what I mean?
This is amazing.
If you want to make the millions and millions and millions of dollars, if you want to have a fucking WWE contract with your dunn, if you want to be a global superstar, it's fucking knockouts and dominance.
And carrying a girl that nobody fucking knows about for four rounds, right?
And I have all the respect in the world that people actually go in the ring, but careful is not how you do it.
The fact that none of us know who she is, I know these MMA fans, that's their whole life.
So they think that everybody knows who they are.
It's not.
It's just like comics.
We think comedies our whole lives.
So when you don't know a comic, we're like, how the fuck do you not know?
How do you not know who that is?
We can't fathom it because we're so insulated in our circle.
But the casuals, the casuals are where you make the real money.
The casuals where you change your fucking life, change your family's life forever.
They want to see Carnage, bro.
It's the easiest thing to digest.
So I made this observation.
I was like, this girl's so talented.
She's choosing to not take the risk necessary to get this girl out in a round and be a fucking superstar.
Now, everybody's coming at me like, yeah, but what about guys like Izzy and stuff who sometimes get knockouts and sometimes go a distance?
Izzy is fighting the highest caliber fighters on the planet.
Okay.
This girl Shevchenko is in a different league than the other girl, Lauren Murphy.
All respect for her to getting in there, but it's we're not, we're not talking about the same thing here.
And Izzy's earlier fights, motherfuckers was getting knocked out.
Shit, Izzy's later fights.
Whitaker got knocked out.
It goes in with Robert Whitaker.
Sayonara, Paul Casa, Sayanara.
So don't even bring that shit up.
Izzy's sitting in a fucking pocket, willing to take the day.
Kamara Usman.
When Kamara Usman fought Jora in Masvidal, if he wanted, he could pick Jorge up, put him on his back, and keep him there for 25 minutes.
He is that good at wrestling compared to Kamaru Usum.
He chose to knock his ass out.
He chose to take the risk and strike with a guy who people thought was a better striker.
And what happened?
Superstar?
That's all people talking about.
Nobody's talking about the fourth round stoppage where you carried a girl and then snooze fast, whatever.
It's your choice.
I want fighters to make all the money in the world, right?
I've been following a long time the greatest fight journalists in history.
Okay.
That being said, here is the method to the madness.
You want to be wealthy off of one of the most terrifying things to do for a living.
You have to put yourself in enough, you have to take enough risk in order to do that to create those knockout chaos.
Now, some people suggest that she finished the last four out of her five last fights.
Did she carry him for four rounds and finishing him?
Who are they?
Do we even know?
I would assume you would know as the greatest journalist in the history.
I don't know.
Again, did they have penises?
Did she fight Fallon Fox or the other Navy SEAL?
If she fought Fallon Fox or the Navy SEAL, 100%.
I don't think she should.
She's saying she's knocking Jake Paul out in a second.
How are you knocking Jake Paul out in a second?
But the Dyno Wait just four rounds.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Come on, yo.
She also went into decision with a man in Nunez twice.
Yeah.
So it was never finished by a man in Nunez.
Securing Fight Tickets Now00:05:24
Maybe.
She's unbelievable.
There's no question.
She's very talented at what she's doing.
She's just, she's not willing to take the risk to be a superstar and she's not willing to play the heel.
Now, Mayweather was unbelievable.
Wasn't willing to sit in there and take the risk to knock motherfuckers out because he knew.
Female heel.
I'm not sure, but he knew that he didn't have that one-punch knockout power, especially as he came up in weight.
So he made a decision: I'm going to be the heel.
I'm going to be the heel, and motherfuckers are going to pay to see me lose, which is never going to fucking happen because he's the goat.
You know what I'm saying?
She is incredibly likable.
Speaks 15 languages.
She speaks one language.
She just likes fighting, though, and has like 2.3 million followers.
Yeah.
For all intents and purposes, she already is a star.
Is she?
You know who she is?
I mean, she's one of the top five females.
2.3 million.
It's not nothing.
No, no, it's not nothing.
It's not nothing.
There's no question.
Do you know who she is?
No.
But I'm a casual UFC fan.
Exactly.
That's what we're talking about.
Yeah.
Like, everybody was making my point for me.
Why?
I'm saying if you want to be a superstar.
He's saying to get the casuals, you got to knock people out as quickly as possible.
This ain't the Olympics.
Like, I know people want, like, there's a, there's a, there's a fighter, uh, Leon Edwards, right?
And he's not being beaten, right?
The guy is incredible.
He's the guy who fought Nate Diaz last time.
Nate almost finished him in that fifth round, but he's a very skilled fighter.
He's not, he doesn't have the most engaging personality, but it seems like a sweet guy, fucking hardworking, et cetera, right?
And he's like, shit, I thought all you had to do was win in this sport and then you get success.
Nope.
All you got to do is entertain.
It's sensational.
It's entertainment.
Be sensational.
This is show business.
If you want to just worry about winning and having your record be better and that's what matters, just stay in the amateurs and go to the Olympics.
I am the most casual UFC fan.
I'll probably say a ton of stupid shit about it.
I will say this.
The only reason I knew who's the first girl, Ronda Rousey?
Not just she was knocking people out.
She was beating people quickly as fuck.
59 seconds, whatever the fuck time it was.
But if Shep Shenga wants to be the greatest.
Why do you want Mike Tyson?
I knew she was breaking Michael Spinks's.
Yeah, but if she wants to be the greatest of all time, she wants to preserve her record.
Like, why would she risk getting knocked out from like a shot?
That is a longer route then.
You want to be big quicker, not from the bottom of the business.
She can be the greatest of all time because she got beaten twice by the greatest of all time.
So now that you know that you're not going to be the greatest of all time unless you get those two, but she's got the trilogy fight coming up because she won this one.
Well, we don't know that for a fact.
That's not signed, but that's what people are talking about.
Right.
But even if you win that, wouldn't again, super casual.
You lost.
2-1.
You know what I mean?
And you could say you caught her on the downside of her career or whatever, potentially.
But and again, they're in different weights.
Like, you know, Noon's has a big advantage.
She, I think, fights at like 125 pounds or something like that.
That's her for taking that fight, though.
Yeah, listen.
And going to decision twice.
What I'm saying right now, it's not emotional.
This is what it is.
It's not up for debate.
Like, there's one way where you have, if you just want to be the person who has the best record, that's fine.
Do it.
Just fight bums.
Yo, guys, important, infamous tour updates.
Louisville and Cincinnati, we will see you in a couple weekends.
We got a few tickets left for them.
Make sure you go get them right now.
Do not wait too long.
Vegas, we'll see you this weekend.
Sold out.
Philadelphia, we're going to see you in a few weekends after that.
Sold out.
Indianapolis, go get your tickets.
Washington, D.C., we added a late show.
Get your tickets for that.
San Francisco, we added a late show.
Get your tickets for that.
Madison, Wisconsin, we're coming to you.
And then Chicago, we added another late show.
Chicago theater.
Make sure you go get those tickets.
ASAP, okay?
Minneapolis, we added a third show.
Get them tickets.
Ant Fargo, Jacksonville, and then Boston for New Year's.
Go, go, go.
DeAndrewSchultz.com.
Make sure you go get them.
Do not wait too long because the same thing is going to happen.
It happened to people in Vegas.
It's already sold out.
Happened to people in Philly.
It's already sold out.
Nothing we can do.
Okay.
So go get them right now.
We appreciate you.
Thank you so much for the support.
Cannot wait to make this fucking thing absolutely crazy.
Now that we don't have the special that we're focused on is just about this live show.
And I cannot fucking wait, my friends.
Akash, what y'all got?
Yo, this Friday, Houston, the secret group, the eight o'clock show is sold out.
You got to get tickets for the next show.
I think it's 10 or 10:30.
But hurry up and buy tickets to that.
October 5th, next week, I'm going to be in New York, one night at Newark Comedy Club.
We film on a little something, come through.
The tickets are selling out fast for that too.
So hurry the fuck up.
Buy your tickets.
October 15th and 16th, Toronto, already gone, but you know what it is.
I'll see y'all there.
October 21st through 23rd.
I am back in Jersey at the Stress Factory.
That show should be filled up with Indians.
Buy your tickets.
Bring your relatives.
Let them know what time it is.
November 6th, I'm in Atlanta at the Red Clay Comedy Festival.
And December 9th through 11th, D.C., I'm at the Comedy Loft.
Bring that ass through tickets at akashsing.com.
Alex, hit it.
And guys, you know what it is.
Hit WTFMediastudios.com.
It's a podcast studio made by podcasters for podcasters.
And we do photography as well.
And now let's get back to the show.
Where would they hit it?
WTFMediestudios.com.
Okay.
WTFMediaStudios.com.
WTF MediaStudios.com.
You've been practicing.
My man putting in work.
You ain't telling him nothing.
Whatever.
Fuck him.
Yeah, yeah.
Cockstock.
All right.
Be the person who has the best record.
Just fight bums.
Never lose a fight.
That's great.
Do you want to make money at this or not?
And the people that understand this have great careers.
The Greatest Fighter Ever00:11:34
Donald Ceroney, the UFC is the only fight sport where you could be a journeyman millionaire.
Millionaire journeyman.
Have 10 losses and make millions of dollars.
Change your life.
Like everybody talks all this shit about fighter pay.
You show me another fight sport where you could be a journeyman millionaire.
Boxing?
You got 11 losses in boxing?
Ain't no pay-per-view draw superstar.
Nope.
Nick Diaz and Nate Diaz got more than 10 losses on their record each.
They are millionaires.
And why is that?
Because we want carnage and we know anything can happen.
It takes one shot.
In boxing, I love the sport, but the better person is going to win 9.9 out of 10 times.
Maybe in heavyweights, that one shot.
Yeah, heavyweight is the only one that exactly.
And that's why we love it.
That's why we'll watch fucking Wilder, who cannot box even close to as good as Tyson Fury.
We'll watch them fight again because we know he's got the equalizer.
He got that right hook.
Yeah, so that's what I'm saying.
Like, look, this is what it is.
And the reason I know what it is is because all the UFC guys are in my DMs going, bro, you're right.
Like, all of them.
All of them.
Like, all the people that these people who are upset at me, they're the biggest fans of, are in my DMs going, bro, you're right.
She carried her for four rounds.
It's like, she could have had her out of here in fucking two minutes.
Yeah, so why did her?
But this is what she does.
Why did our boy stop him?
Yeah, what did I tweet about?
What was that?
Called you out, bro.
He said that I'm a casual.
Yeah.
He's right.
Yeah.
But you're the greatest journalist of all time.
Yeah, I am.
I'm an enigma.
You don't understand.
Because the people are the journalists.
That's why.
Yeah.
The people are the journalists.
You're the people.
You know what he's doing?
You're the people's journey.
The casuals are the real journalists.
He's the people's journalist.
Yes.
Yes.
Listen, I just want these fighters to make money.
I'm telling them how to make money.
But Amanda Nunes doesn't have that many knockouts.
All I know Amanda Nunes from is just knocking bitches out.
Y'all know her from anything else?
Not really.
Well, she'll get you a tap quick.
I know a UFC fighter is Luis Gomez tweets about them.
That's my last fight.
That's how I know Nunes.
100%.
But like her last five fights were like submission, decision, decision, TKO, and then knockout.
So TKO, knockout.
Yeah, knockout.
And also the submission can be, I knocked you out, and I'm on top of you, and then I tapped you out.
So it's carnage.
You know what I'm saying?
So it's like, and who's the decision against?
Megan Anderson, Felicia Spencer.
Oh, no, the decision was Felicia Spencer.
And then the other one?
Jermaine DeRon.
Oh, yeah, that was parallel close fight.
Yeah.
I remember the UFC fight we watched in the green room at Palm Beach, I think, in Miami or in Florida.
That one girl that you said was cute, Rose, or whatever.
The only reason I remember that fight is because she knocked out whoever.
Exactly.
Like, Rose knocks out Wei Lee within a crazy kick.
And it's the fucking talk of the universe.
I mean, like, Jake Paul knocks out Ben Askren with one shot, and he gets his pick of the litter, whoever he wants.
You think if Jake Paul has a tough fight against Ben Askren?
And Jay Robinson.
And Nate Robinson, it's like this is a no-brainer.
You know what I mean?
It's just so simple to understand this.
You go out there, you have concussive power, and it's done.
That's it.
I mean, I don't disagree that I think knockouts are just going to elevate you immediately.
It's just dynamite.
It's like a multiplier.
It's an explosion.
It will put you on the map.
Yes.
But some of the greatest fighters ever are known for not doing knockouts.
I'm not talking about the greatest fighter ever.
If your goal is just like, Khabib is a superstar.
He finished people.
I mean, submissions.
He beats your fucking head in until you turn over because you don't want your head beaten anymore.
And then he just taps you.
And as again, the most casual fan, the only reason I know Khabib is because he beat Connor's ass, who publicized the fight and then climbed into the fucking over the cage in one of the stands.
And now that guy's the greatest.
And I know nothing.
I'm never going to pretend I do about UFC.
And I'll be honest from the most casual point of view.
It's like chokes and like neck cranks.
Yeah, but I didn't know him until Connor, who knocked people out and talked that shit and was willing to play the heel and is maybe the greatest marketer I've seen any fighter ever be ever.
Yeah.
Until he fought Khabib, I didn't know Khabib was.
Connor made Khabib had to legit commit a crime to climb over the fucking thing and go fight everyone in the stands.
All due respect for Khabib.
Connor made Khabib.
Kabalton.
100%.
Connor made Khabib.
You want them to come out of King.
I'm the greatest MMA journalist of all time.
I'm the greatest MMA journalist of all time.
I know he's, but it's true.
He made Khabib.
He did.
He's the fucking, he's Kanye West.
Khabib's Taylor Swift.
It's true.
It's true, bro.
This is what he does.
You're going to get your biggest payday when you fight him, and you're going to get your biggest paydays after fighting him.
It is what it is.
Look, I'm not being emotional about this.
I'm not.
I'm just telling you what the facts are.
This is what it is.
You're good, bro.
This is what it is.
He made him.
If Connor fights you, he makes you.
Bro, Connor made Mayweather.
Who was Mayweather before Connor McGore?
I never heard of him.
I never heard Mayweather.
You're not talking about got your hat.
Connor starter got your hat.
He just didn't get it.
Mayweather's head is fucking thick or something, dude.
Yeah, he tried.
He tried to flip it off, but it didn't do it.
He tried to snatch that hat.
Listen, this motherfucker, hate Connor as much as you want, your life is different because of him.
All these motherfuckers.
Life is different because of them.
I'm telling you, I'm just talking.
Yes, I'm just talking about money.
I'm just talking about money.
I'm just talking about money success.
You make money doing the fucking hardest thing ever.
You know, every single time you go in there, you might be different for the rest of your life.
I had heard Dustin Poirier's name before he fought Connor.
I didn't really know who he was until I watched that fight because of Connor.
Yeah, 100%.
And again, I will never, if you want to call me an idiot fan, yeah, I don't know anything about USB.
There is some legitimacy to what you're saying, but it's like, you can't say he made these people though.
Like, he didn't make him a good person.
He gave him a big fight and put them now.
Like, if it wasn't for Connor, if it wasn't for Connor, Khabib couldn't retire when he did.
He would need more money.
He's rich.
He doesn't need the money.
He doesn't care about money.
He cares about Knock.
He's not doing it.
It makes it easier.
It makes it a lot easier.
It makes it easier.
Hey, you know what feels like heaven?
Being a multi-millionaire.
That's facts.
That's true.
That's facts.
I'm just saying.
It is what it is, bro.
Dude, this is the greatest MMA journalist of all time.
Tell me where I'm wrong.
Please.
I'm a very casual.
I gotta like this guy with Sam, but he's saying that.
I want to be the greatest getting punched in the head of all time.
How about you make $100 million?
You're also a dancing fan, which is legit brain damage.
The whole sport is not even grappling.
It's the worst getting punched in the head.
It's sustained punishment.
It's literally just headbutting a garage door for 12 rounds.
You had me until that line.
And then I was like, wait, what the fuck is he talking about?
I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point.
But you're not emotional.
Don't be emotional.
Seriously?
You get mad at casual boxing fans.
Yeah, Listen, they don't understand it.
Listen, greatest boxing journalist of all time.
MMA is not a sport.
I used to remark.
MMA is not a sport.
What are you doing?
Well, who's an expert in MMA?
You got to be an expert in fucking jiu-jitsu, an expert in Muay Thai, an expert in kickboxing, an expert in regular boxing, an expert in wrestling.
None of y'all are a fucking expert in all that.
Jack of all trades.
Fuck that.
You know what else is funny?
It's just art.
Say again?
It's just art.
Martial arts.
It is.
It's a boy.
It is martial art.
It's just put that shit in a museum somewhere.
You know what it is?
It's art like the motherfucker Jackson Pollock that just threw the shit.
Yeah.
That's the art.
That's the art.
They just threw a bunch of forms together.
That's it.
Figure out what care is.
Don't be emotional.
Bruce.
It would be disgusting.
Absolutely.
Disgusting.
Absolutely.
Okay.
We need a real martial art like Wang Chung, where you just go like that.
Yeah.
Do you know what that is?
No.
You wouldn't.
Casual.
Everybody Wang Chung tonight, the 80s song?
Say what?
Everybody Wang Chung tonight, the 80s song?
Is that what you're talking about?
I think that martial art was developed after the song.
I think that was the order.
If you really want to know the true chronology, the song came out, and then the martial art where you just go like this a lot.
The drunken shit.
If you do that drunken shit now, we're talking.
Why do you think the drunken thing works so well?
Yeah.
It's a bar fight, Alex.
Okay?
That's the most natural form.
The Diaz brothers haven't been sober since they were 13 years old.
You can't avoid that.
Connor McGregor has his own alcohol.
The closer you are to alcohol, the better you do it.
Okay?
Khabib has never had a drink in his life, which is why Connor made him, okay?
Listen, I am an MMA journalist.
Yes.
All these fucking nerds, these little virgins.
Yeah, what's your message to them?
Like fans of MMA?
And don't be emotional.
I understand you like jiu-jitsu because you get to touch another human.
And usually you don't get to do that.
I do understand it.
And there's no question.
Oh, my God.
All of y'all that are super into these things will fuck me up.
Y'all will fuck me up.
I get it.
You got that shit.
It is what it is.
It's totally cool.
Please him, not any of us.
I'm not trying to act like I would fuck them up.
I'm not.
In other things, I've fucked them up.
Like such as?
In a have you ever touched pussy contest?
Have you ever pushed?
Have you ever touched pussy one time in your life contest?
I would fuck them up.
I would guarantee you fuck them up.
In a have you touched a pussy lip one time in your life?
Have you gone like this one time in your life?
And then you were like, oh, wow, that smells like fucking tokens.
That smells like a basket of tokens, okay?
That you need to throw.
That smells like the basket when you come in from Jersey to New York and you don't want to have a conversation with a toll booth bitch.
That smells like a toll booth basket.
You aging yourself, so they got rid of that shit.
Man, look, let me up there.
Let me up there.
When you like this, it smells like Easy Fast.
What is that?
Like, ooh, that smells like an Allen key.
Okay.
Okay.
That's better.
Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
Oh, that smells like a pier.
Like the ocean?
Yeah.
You never seen like a low tide, like a pier that has barnacles on it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And then you get that waft.
You know what I'm saying?
Like a wave crashes and then the air comes at you.
You're like, God damn, they got some pussies in the ocean.
All I'm trying to say, I know you virgins, listen, you wouldn't even know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Why am I describing it to you anyway?
Yeah.
Okay.
Just stick your dick in a waifu, you fucking loser.
You're drinking out of a waifu right now.
God damn it.
Come on.
Shout out to Gamer Sucks, dude.
Y'all really make the best waifus, bro.
Yeah, you know what's funny, though?
You know, he's like a boxing enthusiast.
I used to rile him up because there was that black thing he's Pakistani fighter, Amir Khan.
I'd be like, yo, he's the greatest boxer of all time.
Like, he's the greatest.
You can't tell me he's not.
And he would get so fucking upset as like a boxing purist.
He'd be like, I fucking hate him.
Boxing is a sport.
Eminem.
I don't even know what he is.
Eminem.
I'm the greatest journalist from some shit.
I can't pronounce this.
Making Money on Sports00:08:20
Okay.
All I'm trying to do is make sure that these athletes make the most money that they possibly can.
Yeah.
Start.
What's the girl's name that I don't know what she is?
Wait, what?
Princess Diana.
What was her name?
The girl was in there.
Shev Chenko.
Yeah.
Listen, Bond villain ass.
Lady.
Star.
Bond Villain is really good.
She does.
She's really good.
You don't remember her?
In all the Bond Villains?
That's just the name.
It's such a Bond Villain name.
And all the Bond villains.
And Lauren Murphy, also.
Do you know what I mean?
Yo, but shout out to Laura Murphy.
Matt Respect.
Yeah.
Matt Respect.
You know what I mean?
But stop coming at me with I can make a fresh pot.
You knew people was coming to the diner today.
Why are you acting like you didn't know today was coming in?
It's also worth noting.
You didn't say she looked like a diner waitress.
You said she was a diner waitress, which is subtly different.
Subtly.
Subtly.
I didn't even know what the intended purpose of the line was.
I like how you try to create a little copy out of the music.
I thought you were saying she was a bum.
Say what?
I thought you were saying she's a bum.
No, she's a talented athlete.
Okay.
Do you know what I mean?
She knit.
Yo, Al is crazy disrespectful.
Al is crazy disrespectful right now, right?
Like she just came over, like, oh, sorry, we're out of decaf.
I think you can make some more.
It's just hot water and then the grounds.
She can do that shit in between the rounds.
That's the ground and pound I need you to do.
I need you to get me some motherfucking ground coffee and put it in the cup because I got MMA to watch.
I just said it perfect.
Can we start the podcast?
Did we get it off our chest?
I'm glad we weren't emotional about it.
We're not emotional.
Yo, shouts to Volkanowski, Vanofsky.
Son, I don't know.
I just gotta say Volk.
Shout out to Alexander the Great.
Oh, you also said Jiu-Jitsu is worthless.
In high-level MMA.
You didn't say that.
You have the tweets?
You have the receipts?
Yeah, I have all the tweets right here.
You said Jiu-Jitsu is worthless.
I never want to hear about it again.
Yep.
You and Drinker.
Sometimes I was on my troll mode.
And then, because I forgot how easy Twitter is.
I haven't done Twitter actually in like it, but I forgot how easy it is because it's so easy to tap into one group that really cares about something, say something inflammatory.
And the people in that group that are on Twitter and active on Twitter are just losers, right?
All they're doing is waiting for a tweet that they can retweet and dunk on, right?
And I was like, oh, God, I used to do this all the time.
And then I realized it's just so not worth it.
But for whatever reason, I was locked in that night.
Boy was going for it.
Oh, yeah.
I said it was worthless.
The jiu-jitsu is worthless.
Not only that, you also suggested that there's only one thing that can be jiu-jitsu dot dot dot, a normal amount of testosterone.
Oh, shit.
That I do agree with.
I agree with me.
I agree with me.
I think that if you have a normal amount of testosterone, I do believe that.
That's so funny.
I do believe that.
I think if you have a normal amount of testosterone and someone puts you in a headlock, you can be like, fuck them out of here.
And then it's done.
Like, have anybody in jiu-jitsu, and I mean this seriously, have you ever tried just going, ah, fuck off of me?
Like, has anybody tried that, you think?
Because that might be the move that could get you out of it.
It's going to be a woman that comes up to you and chokes you to fuck down.
No, listen.
That shit is going to be hilarious, y'all.
Can I just make sure that I let me just make my bed right here?
Next time you go to cozy's, you're getting choked the fuck out.
Listen, listen, listen now.
They only hire men.
It's a Greek diner.
Okay, let's just be serious.
Okay.
The woman is at the register.
Okay.
And then the men give you the food.
Okay, gotcha.
Okay, let's just make sure that we understand there's some sexism that exists here.
When I'm talking about jujitsu, all y'all can fuck me up.
I just want to let you know, I got no ego about this.
I can get fucked up.
Y'all can all fuck me up.
Every single one of y'all can fuck me up.
Okay.
That's it.
That doesn't really coincide with your tweets.
Yeah, your tweets are.
It's a normal amount of testosterone.
It's useless.
You see, those don't.
I don't have a normal amount of testosterone.
There it is.
I have too much.
If you got too much testosterone, it's negative.
You know, it's a negative effects.
Then jiu-jitsu would be really effective in MMA because all these motherfuckers are tested out of their minds.
You don't know about that.
I would never put that on anyway.
There's some side effects.
There's some side effects of too much testosterone.
Okay, what are the side effects?
Excessive body hair, specifically facial hair.
That's definitely not me.
Acne.
I don't have that.
Is greatest journalist of all time in there?
They have enlarged clitoris, which I think is close.
I have an enlarged clitoris.
I do.
There we go.
I do have that.
Yeah.
Deepened voice.
No, no, higher voice.
This is too much testosterone.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought your balls go and then your voice goes up.
That's no.
This is not steroids.
This is just having, you could have too much testosterone naturally.
Yeah, testosterone, not steroids.
Look, guys, I'm not a fucking health and fitness journalist.
You're the greatest health and fitness journalist.
I'm not a health and fitness journalist.
Okay.
Again, I'm an MMA drug.
But you said you have too much testosterone, which is these are the...
I got it all, dog.
I got too much testosterone.
I got too much estrogen.
You know what I mean?
I got penicillin, Percocets, poly.
I got it all, bro.
Like, it is what it is.
Yes.
Yes, bro.
I'm a future song, dog.
If you want anything, I got it.
That's what I come through with.
Okay.
So anybody out there that was upset about my tweets, Valentina Shevchenko, I just want to let you know you're a very skilled mixed martial artist.
I hope you start knocking people out in the first round so you can make life-changing money for you and your family.
I do believe that.
Oh, she's a million more followers than you on Instagram.
Isn't that a shame that nobody knows that?
He's a hater.
Isn't that a shame?
Nobody knows it.
He's just been a whole episode just.
Whose side are you on?
I'm setting up for women, bro.
I'm 100% with female MMA for this whole week.
We know.
God.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I got to tell y'all how to make some goddamn money on this MMA shit, this football shit, this all sports shit.
If we gambling, we gambling to win in a way that we're doing is with my bookie, okay?
We're not playing no fucking games over here.
We're matching initial deposit bonuses up to $1,000.
Think about that.
$1,000 extra dollars for you to gamble with, make some more money with?
That's the way to do it.
Okay, you gambling on football?
You gambling on UFC?
You could even gamble on basketball with that baseball, too.
What I'm telling you is my bookie is the truth.
And if you use that promo code flagrant, you're going to get that matched.
Okay?
Game set match.
Make sure you go to mybookie.ag use the promo code flagrant because you're going to get all of that.
Okay.
Remember, you missed out on week three.
Don't even sweat it because entries are still open.
And all it takes is one solid week to get you back in the motherfucking mix.
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So make sure you go to mybookie.ag, use that promo code Flagrant and get that bread.
Let's get back to the show.
I'm curious to know what you think about this story.
What is that?
The South Korean president suggested they should ban eating dogs.
Suggested that you're really throwing me off.
I don't ever want to hear anybody get upset about the Asian people eating dog joke again.
If the president has to suggest it, like it's gay marriage.
Suffering.
They have gay marriage as legal, but not dogs.
I know he missed out at Alex.
No, I know what just happened.
Gay marriage is legal, but not dogs.
Yeah.
He's saying facts.
He's saying facts.
I'm the foremost journalist in the South Korean dynasty or whatever the fuck it is.
Okay.
No, but in all seriousness, how is gay marriage?
Is gay marriage legal?
Sound crazy?
We should look that up.
Gay Marriage and Dogs00:03:11
I know looking gayest.
But is gay marriage legal?
I thought BTS was all married.
No, no, no, no.
I thought they were all married to each other.
They're making me like these guys less, yo.
I did think part of their success was that they were an all-boy gay group.
Yeah.
No.
They're not gay at all.
No.
Oh.
So you just look at part of their success is the androgyny, right?
You don't know if they're men or women.
They're very accessible.
Androgyny is gay, bro.
Call it what it is.
Yo, call it what it is.
Just call it what it is.
You know what's funny?
What you just said right there, that's what I said about MMA, and they got all upset.
Son, you're the best journalist of all time.
I know.
Don't know.
Why am I going to let them take yo?
I'm going to let them hold down my greatness, bro.
That's crazy.
Androgyny is gay, sam.
You know anybody androgynist who's not?
Shut the fuck up.
You know, anybody androgynist is not gay?
I don't know.
Don't know.
And even if they say they're not, you're like, come on, yo.
Yeah.
Some of the MMA fighters.
They're androgynous.
That girl, Andraj.
Her name is Andraj.
She's the girl who fought earlier on the card, who is a fucking star because she goes in there looking for carnage.
Andraj is her name, and she lives up to that shit, bro.
And she has a lot of fun.
That's your favorite fighter.
Does she look like what's that motherfucker from Bay Watch's son?
Who's it?
Hasselhoff's son in Bay Watch?
Hobie.
Hobie Buchanan.
Hobie.
She looked like Hobie.
She's so goddamn cute.
I was looking at that girl like, God damn, you cute, bro.
Wait, because she looked like a guy?
She looked like a beautiful dog.
She just got like a beautiful girl.
You just now.
So I was acting a little androgynous.
I was asking Lil Androgynus.
But yo, I'm gonna watch that girl fight any day of the week.
That girl is about to fucking act.
She's the girl that picked up Rose Nama Nama Nama.
Whatever her fucking name is.
Do you know the girl's name?
Yeah, Nama Hoff.
What the fuck is Hoban?
Rose Nana Na.
But she picked her up and dropped her on her head and knocked her out.
Oh, I remember that.
That's a fun thing.
Crazy.
That's a fun.
You watch that girl again.
You're like, I want to see you pick a girl up and drop her on her head.
Not like I want to see that normally.
Have you watched her again?
Say what?
Have you watched her again?
Every fight.
I watched her this fight.
Ah, but like, did you tune in for it?
When I saw her come out, I was like, okay, and what was her name again?
Hobie.
Hobie Hasselhoff.
So she's adorable.
She's absolutely adorable and will fuck all y'all up.
Nah.
Stop it.
Stop it.
I'll put her in some jiu-jitsu.
I'll put her in some jujitsu.
Yeah, talk that shit.
Have her gargling.
Okay, geez.
Like that.
Like that.
I have her garbage.
Rear naked?
Rear naked chill?
Yo, it could be naked clothed.
It don't matter.
Do you know what I'm saying?
It could be naked clothes.
I'll throw her in a triangle.
Y'all even know about all these submissions that I know.
The almondi plaza.
Oh, what is that one?
That's too hard to do.
Demonstrates it for the first time.
Demonstrate that.
Omini Plata?
Dematry.
You get like that.
Eating Dogs in Jiu-Jitsu00:13:52
Got him.
You got to do that one.
The Omini Plata is the one.
The figure four leg locks.
The finger four leg lock.
The dagger dent.
I would tell that one is fucking Don Call Stunner.
That Stone Coast Dunner is next level.
The Chinese finger lock.
That shit is wild, crazy to get out of, son.
Yeah, wild, crazy.
The finger lock is impossible to get out of because the more you pull, the tighter it gets.
Exactly.
Boom.
Oh, can't get out.
Jiu-Jitsu.
The only way through is in.
What I'm saying on this piece of paper.
The only way through is in.
You got to go in and then snatch it out real quick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's it.
Respect.
Yeah.
Oh, so it turns out gay marriage in South Korea is not legal.
Mark with facts and shit.
You can do it.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
You try to tell me.
You try to tell me.
Gay marriage is not legal, but dog is what I'm trying to get at.
Hold on.
Gay marriage is illegal, but dog is legal.
Yeah.
That's why I tell me you put a dick in mouth.
Dick in mouth.
No can do.
No can do.
But dog in mouth.
Scooby-Doo.
Scooby Snacks is legal.
Scooby Snacks.
That's crazy.
That is wild crazy.
That is super.
The Wikipedia entry is funny because it says, while male and female same-sex activities are legal, marriage and other forms of legal partnership are not.
So basically, you can do gay shit, you just can't get married.
That's kind of fun.
That's kind of super fire.
So they're like, yeah, you could be but fucking and licking clits, but you can't get married to one.
Oh my God.
But if you can kill a dog and eat it if you want.
You can kill a dog and eat it.
Yeah.
So the South Korean president, Moon Jae-in, has raised banning.
You be making shit up, bro.
Talking about Kanye songs, bro.
We know the difference.
Come on.
Come on, dog.
Say his real name.
Don't be racist.
This motherfucker be so racist for no.
They be calling his ass out, bro.
They be calling his ass out.
He's like, yo, he's supposed to know the facts and shit like that.
Guy just making up names.
Bad Korean names, bro.
Just because he's moon, white, and round.
Don't mean their name is Moon.
That's super fucking racist.
No, that's maybe one of the more racist things you ever said, Mark.
It is, though.
All right, so I'm going to.
All right, so just say his real name, son.
Moon J in has raised banning the eating of dogs in the kids.
Hold on, his name is literally Moon Jae N. Yep.
Yeah, that's correct.
Al, do you think that that was true when we were making fun of that?
And then I said that what seems now is a very racist joke.
I still don't believe it.
Yeah, Moon is crazy.
He's written it wrong.
What do they even know what a moon is?
What is Oon Everything?
They got Oon Everything.
So this is Moon.
It's Moon.
It's Moon.
There's never a Moon.
No, hold on, hold on.
But Moon ain't Moon for them.
Like when they're looking up the sky, how's it spelled?
They're not M-O-O-N.
Oh.
Moon.
Hold up.
He didn't pronounce it right.
Go look at what Moon means because there's no way we both got the same word for moon and every other word is different.
Right?
Like, what's the word for car?
It's not a car.
It's a place.
What do you mean?
Moon in Spanish is Luna.
It's not moon.
That's a fact.
As a family name, Moon is written with one Hanja meaning writing.
So it means it's basically a family name for writers in Korea.
He ain't no writer.
Yeah, he's the president, son.
Snatch his shit.
Yo, take his moon back, son.
Take his moon back.
That's why he's writing a law outlawing eating dogs.
Yeah, that's what he's trying to do.
Why are you proposing?
Perbulation.
The traditional practice has become an international embarrassment, his office said.
So they do eat dogs, so they don't eat dogs.
They do eat dogs.
So they mean enough.
Enough when we make fun of them for it.
Enough.
Well, you have to be specific.
You have to be specific with it.
Say what?
You can't just be like, oh, all Asians eat dog.
That's a racial stereotype.
I've never said that.
I believe that, but I've never said that.
I believe that.
And I believe that for a long time.
How would you rephrase it if you didn't want to be racially incentivized?
Well, we don't know if it's illegal or not in China.
Have you looked it up?
I haven't checked just yet.
I've been kind of busy with the subject.
There's a whole fucking dog eating festival in China.
What's it called?
No.
The fucking doggy dog stops.
The doggy dog world.
There is a doggy dog world.
No, there's a dog eating festival in China.
They've been trying to shut that down.
White girls have been trying to shut that shit down for years.
One of the articles of meat has long been a part of South Korean cuisine with 1 million dogs believed to be eaten annually.
Man, come on.
Come on, dog.
We hating the wrong Korea.
Yo, I bet they don't do that in North Korea.
China is the problem.
The Yulin Festival.
The Yulin Festival.
It's a famous festival of eating dog meat.
Yo, about eating dogs, son.
That's crazy, bro.
That's crazy.
Try to eat my dog, yo.
I'll slap the shit out of you.
Yo, I swear to God.
I'm going to start walking my dog in fucking Koreatown now.
I'm going to start walking my dog in Koreatown, yo.
You should be staring at them.
Why are you tempting that shit?
Yeah, I know.
I know, because I need to let them know.
It's like when you blood, you walk in a crip neighborhood flagging.
I'm walking sobby in K-Town.
What's up?
Nah.
Having people in the window doing karaoke just drop the mic like, yo.
Honestly, I'm out here.
I'm making a difference, bro.
Nah.
Eat Punk Vega.
You think I'm going to walk my dog in Korea town?
You're just tired of this dog.
He'd be like, yo, if they take it, they take him.
That's what I was saying my whole time.
What happened to the other dog you had?
You stabbed Chili.
The last dog went to that festival.
You stabbed two dogs when we sent that dog to Yon Lin.
We sent that dog to Yun Lin Festival 100%.
And the dog's name was Cookie, so you know.
They hit a bad fortune, yo.
Nah, that was good.
So some people have pet rabbits and they eat rabbit.
Why don't you have an issue with that?
Who is a pet rabbit?
Is it people?
No.
People have pet rabbits.
Nah.
No.
Weirdos, yo.
People also have pet rats and shit like that.
They're all weird for that.
Yeah, but are you allowed to eat rats?
White.
Some people might say that's a double standard, that you're not okay with them eating dogs.
Son, I believe in double standards.
That's fine.
That's fine.
I believe in double standards.
I honestly think we should eat cats.
Like, get him out of here.
I thought we did.
I thought it was cat.
Honestly, I thought it was cat because the chicken tastes too good for it to be just chicken.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, sometimes you have chicken that is different.
You're like, oh, yeah.
And then at first, you're like, is this the sauce or whatever?
Is this cowbrettin?
But nah, it might be cat.
And I think it's fancy cat, too.
I think that shit is like Siamese, bro.
Those guys are fired and they fed up with a fancy feast.
So they got it going.
It's like, what's that cow?
Wagyu.
It's wagyu.
It's wag you.
Yeah.
Massage.
Wag you.
Wag you.
Yeah, belly rolling on.
100%.
We're not talking about street alley, you know, street alley fucking cat over here.
We're talking about a cat that has been raised to be eaten.
Yeah.
But you wouldn't have a bite of dog if you were the Oolong Festival in China?
Yo, fuck you.
Yo, yo, yo.
It's a Yulin festival.
I know.
You racist son of a bitch.
I pronounced it the correct way.
No, no.
You are a racist.
It's the moon.
Moon what?
What's it called?
Moonface.
That sounds like a rapper, bro.
Moonface baby.
Moonface baby is the new rapper coming out of South Korea, and he is fired.
Moonface baby.
Yo, Moonface is fired.
Moonface?
That's your rap name.
I'm calling myself Moonface.
I'm South Korean.
What if Gungum Sao was just a way to cook dog?
Wouldn't that be fucked up?
We didn't know.
No.
Wouldn't that be fucked up?
Dance just took you to do that shit.
Yes, that's two barbers.
That's it.
That's two leases, I think.
Oh.
That's fucked up, man.
That's how they get it.
But you wouldn't have one bite of dog?
Come on, bro.
Just for the cultural experience?
No.
Fuck you.
Mark, what if they told you the type of dog we were?
He trying to get you.
And Mark got cat.
Mark don't get it.
He's been trying to get you body design.
Tomorrow even got a dog.
First, he's defending innocent ladies that are forced to fight for a living.
I know.
Let's come home.
That's trafficking.
That's funny.
Honestly, fight trafficking.
Fight trafficking is a major problem coming out of the Eastern Bloc.
We got to bring that up.
And you are disrespectful.
You don't care about women.
Fake progress.
You want to see women get beaten up.
Fake progressive.
Would you let your woman fight?
I guess it depends what the person is.
What's the purse?
Well, it's got to be a purse because she's a woman.
If it's Hermes, if it's a powerful piece.
It's called a purse.
If it's Hermes, it is 2021.
We don't call it a purse anymore.
What do we call it?
The winning.
The winnings.
The money at the end.
The end money.
How much you get paid in a contract?
No, for real, dude.
If it's Hermes, I'd let her fight.
What did you say that was racist that we were just talking about?
Never anything.
What did he just say?
The Mulan Festival.
He calls it the Mulan Festival.
It's called the Mulan Festival.
That's fucked up.
It's Yu Lin Festival.
And you wouldn't eat one bite?
Say again?
You wouldn't eat one bite.
A dog?
It depends what type of dog.
That's what I'm saying.
What if they told you that?
A specific type of dog I would probably.
Which dog?
Pitbull?
No, no, That's too gamey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not into like the pit bulls or any of that kind of stuff.
What about like a little dog?
Wiener dog I would eat.
That'd probably be good, actually.
Yeah, I would definitely eat that dog.
That's a good choice.
Honestly.
Yeah.
I'd treat it like a luau.
Just cook it under the ground for six hours and just pull little pieces of it off.
That'd be delicious.
Dude, wiener dog, I'm definitely eating.
Yeah, yeah.
Corgi, also?
Bite the ear off like a cheek charon.
Oh, that's not good.
Chihuahua?
What about Chihuahua?
Say what?
Would you eat Chihuahua?
Chihuahua, no.
I wouldn't.
I put it in a salt shaker and just grind it onto the rest of my food dog.
100%.
Just flakes, flakes of chihuahua on there.
Shit, I'm trying to think.
Yeah, I mean, Pomerania, would you do pomeranium?
No, definitely not.
What type of dog do you have?
Malty poo.
Malty poo.
That sounds delicious.
It's got poo in the title, you fucking weirdo.
But it has malt, like a Malteser.
Literally, that's like dessert.
Malt.
Malt.
Oh, malt is a thing.
Malt is a thing.
But malty poo?
The poo got it fucking.
Yeah, shit milkshake.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know if that's the one.
Oh, chow chow?
That'd be good.
Chow chow.
What is chow chow?
It's chow chow.
It's literally its own brand?
Eat, eat.
Yeah, that's what that shit means.
Did they name it in South Korea?
Probably.
It was a Chinese guard dog.
What was it guarding?
People's fucking hunger.
Yo, that shit's mad enough.
I don't think the really fat bulldogs.
Like, it'll maybe be the meat will be like foie guy or some shit like that.
British or American?
English bulldog.
I'll eat an English bulldog.
I want one thing American.
It's super fat with all the wrinkles.
If that's English, I'll eat it.
If you ever eat English food, that shit tastes like it's probably dog anyway.
Yeah.
But what are dogs fire?
Fucking disgusting, bro.
Yeah, English food is trash.
Trash.
What are they?
Defending their food?
Get out of here.
This shit sucks.
Yeah, the ego.
The ego to colonize the whole world.
And not pick up any cooking.
Yeah.
Just like literally the whole world.
They had the entire world to choose from.
Yeah.
Right?
And they brought one dish back, fucking chicken curry.
Yeah.
That's the one dish that you find on every bar food.
Yeah, it is.
A national dish.
They treat it as if it's English food.
Yeah.
It is, kind of.
It's not.
Oh, it doesn't exist.
Do more of those.
Do more of those.
You conquered everybody.
You wanted spices.
No.
You got them.
You conquer people and get them to cook for you.
What the fuck are you doing to work?
No, no, no.
It's appropriate to appropriate, and they got to figure that shit out.
Yeah, forget your goddamn cooking up.
Bangers and mash.
Grow up, you fucking.
What's a banger?
It's sausage.
Sausage and potatoes.
Bangers and fish.
Name it.
That's fire.
Yeah, it is.
Name fire.
Get out of here.
Name is fire.
What's if you're eating at home?
They have great restaurants everywhere.
There's just pubs is where you get bangers and mash.
No, they don't.
They don't have to be afraid of it.
They don't have pie restraints.
That shit is mid as fuck.
But nothing can be.
And they riot.
There's no cuisine that is delicious from them.
They got some fire baked goods.
With the British?
Biscuits?
I kind of like a shepherd's pie.
I can go for it.
Pies are fired.
No, shepherd's pies.
And we don't eat bread, so potato crust.
That's that too.
That's true.
Also, I tried to catch you on the Scotland thing.
Scottish people never ate dog.
Of course, they didn't eat dog.
To the opposite, Irish and Scottish mythical heroes vowed to avoid dog meat.
Of course.
We understand the importance of dogs.
Which is what?
Protection.
They allowed our cerebral cortex to develop.
He made that.
Number one is cerebral cortex journalism.
Honestly, I am.
I'm also a gynecologist.
Those two things are so.
Actually, when you got pussy on a brain, they're really not that.
But in all seriousness, yeah.
I mean, I think, who was I talking to about this?
Maybe it was Giannis or something like that, but like they paid their dues.
Horses and dogs have paid their dues.
We have a debt to them.
We were able to build this great, amazing society because of protection that horses and dogs have provided.
Definitely dogs.
And then horses, obviously, military, bro.
Like, we were riding them bitches for fucking centuries, going to war.
They shed blood.
They earned their right not to be eaten.
Horses, dogs.
That's it.
We don't eat them.
Say what?
What do dogs protect?
So when we were domesticating dogs.
I know they did like herding shit, right?
There's like sheep dogs.
No, but even before that, basically, what happened is like they were wolves, obviously.
But when they started domesticating the wolves, the wolves would offer protection and like signal to the humans that there was, you know, bears or fucking lions or any of these things.
But think about that.
Now you don't have to use any mental energy listening all fucking day.
Now you can start building your house.
Now you can start planting things.
You can actually leave food out because you know the dogs are going to protect it or notify it.
But before that, it's just straight survival mode.
So they allowed, apparently, I forget which part of your brain, but like they allowed a certain part of our brain to develop.
And because of that, we have the society we have now.
It's pretty impressive.
Which apparently to this day, if you hear a dog breathing while you sleep, you get like more REM cycles and deeper sleep.
Yeah, maybe it was you I was talking to about this.
I think Whitney Cummings told me that.
Yeah, Whitney got all them brain facts, bro.
Which also, speaking of dogs, you think Dog the Bounty Hunter is going to get Brian Laundry?
Innocent Until Proven Guilty00:02:48
Yeah, it has to.
It's the only way back, dude.
Yeah.
Wait, what do you mean?
Dude, he said the N-word.
Yeah.
Okay.
Unforgivable.
Unforgivable.
He said the N-word, which is unforgivable, right?
From black people.
Black people do not forgive that.
Yeah, I don't know.
White people, you know, we're a little bit more forgiving.
I just Googled the story, and according to the headline, Dog the Bounty Hunter says he thought he had a pass to use the N-word.
Oh, you got to see it.
Like Eminem.
No, no, no.
It's amazing.
Who also didn't have a pass.
Like, he muted it out of every album.
No, he said it in like rat battles and shit.
He said it back in the day, like when he was with his boys and shit like that.
But with dog, it's super funny because the interviewer who's black asks him, he goes, well, who gave you this pass?
And he goes, the brothers.
Which I mean, who else is going to give it to you?
I would hope.
But yeah, if he gets Brian Laundry, I mean, you got to re-up the show.
Is there forgiveness?
Ow, is there forgiveness?
If he finds the killer of a white queen, do black men forgive him?
We still don't know if he's a killer.
What if she was alive and maybe you could have sex with her?
We still don't know if he's the killer.
He took her van, bro.
It's innocent until proven guilty, bro.
Yo, he's not wrong.
It's innocent until proven guilty.
Even if he did kill her, he's still innocent.
What about OJ?
Did he kill her?
No.
That's true.
He wasn't kidding.
He was dead at his day.
Casey Anthony.
Did Casey Anthony kill him?
No, it's the same logic, though.
He was proven innocent.
Now, let me ask you this.
He wasn't proven guilty, so he's innocent.
Oh, so he's definitely innocent.
He definitely didn't kill him.
Yeah.
What about Casey Anthony?
I don't know enough about that one.
She was proven innocent.
Casey Anthony's dead?
She wasn't proven guilty, so then she's.
Wait, what happened to Casey Anthony?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I truly don't know anything about this woman.
People are suggesting that she killed her daughter because her daughter was missing and then found the woods.
Son, kids be annoying sometimes.
And then they tried her for first-degree murder.
You got too many.
And then she was special concept.
She was found not guilty.
You say what?
She was found not guilty.
I had it as a beggar.
I feel like there's an abortion joke.
She cut it already.
That was very good.
That was very good.
Okay.
Kids be annoying, bro.
In the womb, motherfucker?
Like, how annoying can they be mad annoying?
They can be ravens and shit like that.
Like, come on, bro.
You never made it that long.
They do it.
They're doing it.
They don't even cry in the womb, bro.
Nah, nah, but you got to deal with the girl and what she needs.
She's tired.
Yeah.
She wants Nutella at two in the morning.
You're like, all right, get this thing out of here, bro.
I can't be getting you Nutella at two in the motherfucking morning.
Yeah, why this kid got a sweet tooth?
He ain't even got teeth yet.
What's up with this kid's diet?
Yeah, bro.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because I need to make sure you're smoking the greatest CBD on the planet, and that is Cushy.
Mark's Disrespectful Apology00:15:27
Shouts to Cushy Dreams for real.
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So you smoke that CBD to chill, relax, and cool it.
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Now let's get back to the show.
All right.
So we got Dwayne Chapman going out for Dolly Battle or going out for Brian Laundry.
My question is: Dwayne Chapman, that's Dolly Bounty.
Okay.
Come on, come on, son.
Don't use his government.
Yeah, don't use his government.
I use people's dormane.
Hey, tell me you didn't think I was a black dude, though.
Dwayne Chapman.
Dwayne Chapman.
Maybe that's all he thought he had the N-word.
That's my point.
Everybody thought he was black.
The brothers probably called him.
The brothers called him and they were like, yeah.
Dwayne Chapman, give it out N words.
I'm white Dwayne, you know, bro.
Yeah, exactly.
And on top of that, y'all know white Dwayne never in my life.
I know Dwayne.
Michael J had a funny joke.
He's like the most, the wealthiest black man in New York, Dwayne Reed.
But go on.
And on top of that, he even said that I have never been racist.
I'm 33.5% Apache.
And I thought I had a pass.
He's not a percent, yo.
So he's Native American this whole time?
No, Native Americans don't get the pass.
He said America is going to pass.
I thought I had a pass in the black tribe to use it.
Tribe.
He called him a tribe.
Yeah, which I feel like he's got more racism than a lot of people.
No, he's treating them like they're from Africa.
Yeah, I don't like that.
I thought that's what the reservation is for.
They're waiting for their N-word passes.
Oh, that's type of way this whole time.
Okay, we've been on a flagrant streak lately, okay?
We are the foremost journalists of flagrancy.
So, absolutely in the world.
That's a fact.
That we are.
That's a fact.
You can trace it back.
Okay?
But no.
Bro, his quotes on this shit is so funny.
What'd he say?
I had just gotten out of prison in 1979 after spending 18 months in Texas, and it was probably three-quarters of the black tribe in the jail.
So we're going to let him go with quarters.
Yeah.
We're going to let him go.
That's how it was spelled.
This word nerd.
That's how it spelled.
They wrote a UNI.
That's how it's spelled.
They put an L also.
Okay.
So that was the word that we used back and forth as maybe a compliment.
My pass expired for using it, dot, dot, dot, but no one told me that.
To say a racist name doesn't qualify you to make you a racist.
So he's he says his pass expired, but he didn't realize it was just out of date.
He just made in re-up.
It's his tags.
Like his tags were up, and then no one was like, yo, your tags are up.
That's all it seems.
I kind of respect him.
Once I know he's Native American, he kind of gets back.
Yo, 33% is not nothing, bro.
How do you become 33%, though?
Threesome.
Like, must be.
Must be a threesome.
He must be.
I mean, no disrespect to dog mom, but like she was getting the trizzy from him, right?
Like, it's like 33.
Like, that's such a specific percentage.
How are you a third?
Because if it's half and half, then you're a quarter.
If it's half and full, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It don't make sense.
That's why he said threesome.
Might have been a thrizzy, yo.
Yeah.
Might have hit the thrizzy one time with an Apache and two whites.
Yo, that's Thanksgiving right here.
Foursome.
Why?
Apache and two whites.
No, what?
No.
Oh, wow.
You know what he's talking about the dudes getting up in it?
Yeah, you're not the journalist of math today.
I'm currently not the journalist of math.
Oh, so who's the Apache?
Oh, but Apaches are two-spirit, actually.
So it might be a foursome.
Yeah, there you go.
I agree with you.
That's a good point.
No, but the mom dukes is white girl, right?
I'm assuming, yeah.
And then one Apache, one white.
Yeah, so I guess that would mean his dad was 66% Apache somehow.
So I don't really know how the math breaks down.
No.
Full Apache, white mom, white dad, and the Apache dude up in there.
Three.
Guts.
Yeah.
Two sperm, interlocked.
Made a teepee.
Yes, like Avatar.
Yeah, avatar.
They do the teepee, of course.
I like that.
But the sperm's avatar on the way up.
Penetrate the egg.
He comes out 33.
Native American.
That's it.
So I think that's it.
And the fact he's Native American might make it easier for him to find Brian Laundry.
Why?
Because he knows the lay of the land.
He can track.
That's racist.
How's that?
Brian Laundry got footprints.
How's that racist?
Saying that Native Americans know the lay of the land.
It should be racist.
He said that they know the land of the lakes.
Yeah, yeah.
Not the land of the land.
I was actually trying to busy.
I was like, I actually said that.
I knew what he wanted to say.
That's what I was calling out.
You wanted to be racist and I knew where you were going.
You don't have a pass, bro.
Yeah.
How could you say that?
Look how dare you.
Oh, my God.
Come on.
Y'all need to chill the fuck out.
Can we get back to this?
MMA.
Look.
Who's left?
Say what?
I think that we need to talk about whether or not Chris Cuomo is Italian as well.
Very.
Very.
Is he Italian?
Have you heard this story, guys?
Yes.
Chris Cuomo had a boss.
And you have to respect this, right?
Yep.
His boss at ABC News on her retirement party.
Yeah.
Walks up to her, grabs her ass, allegedly squeezes it allegedly.
One hand.
One hand.
Hair hug, slides one hand down to a buttock.
And says, I can do this now that you're no longer my boss.
And it's not alleged.
He admitted to it.
He admitted to this?
Yeah.
Remove those alleged.
Miles.
Okay.
This.
This is a sexual harassment or is this Italian culture?
It's Italian culture.
I mean, that's what his dad saw.
Well, that's what his brother.
Oh, yeah, his brother.
Yeah, yeah.
His daddy, but it's a different.
Yeah, he's daddy.
He's daddy.
But the fact that Fredo had the fucking chutzpah to go up to a woman that was his boss.
Not his boss anymore.
Not any boss, not boss anymore.
He was.
I said, was his boss.
He was a former boss.
Yeah, it was, right?
Past tense.
That was his boss.
And then grab cheek and then squeeze cheek and say that little line.
And then later email her apologizing about it.
Disgusting.
In front of her husband, her husband is there.
Oh, husband is right there.
And what did he do, though?
Nothing, cock.
Dude, what a fucking cost.
He got a punch Franco.
Take him on a boat ride.
For real.
It seems like he denied touching anyone inappropriately.
Whoa, whoa, what do you mean?
So then why would he apologize?
Yeah, he apologized.
He apologized for, quote, in a way that acting in a way that made people feel uncomfortable.
And what would that be?
Not an embrace.
You're allowed to hug people that you know.
Maybe it was grabbing a girl's butt cheek and separating her pussy lips from the back.
Wow.
Dude, maybe that's what it was.
Maybe it was grabbing those cheeks and doing a little Kermit mouth.
Okay, maybe that's what it was.
Ace Ventura.
Yeah.
Pet detective.
Yeah.
He was petting.
Yeah.
He was.
It was a little bit disrespectful.
This fucking guy.
Can I be honest with you?
I think he, I don't see what the big.
It was 16 years ago.
Whoa.
Arkash sings got tape.
No, that's okay.
Go for it.
16 years ago.
Not that what he did is okay, but he apologized.
It was 16 years ago, and it's the only incident we know of.
So he did some shit that was wrong.
He said sorry.
And then she said something like, when he saw that he was helping his brother, this, she says, I'm like, this is how he operates.
And it's like, it's one allegation.
There's no pattern with one allegation.
Way before me too.
Me too, 2017, 2018.
We should have known it was wrong in 2005, but I think Me Too, for everybody, was like, oh, we've all done some shit.
Now that's over the line for sure.
But he apologized the next day.
Did you read his full apology?
It's a real awkward apology.
It's a real awkward apology.
Right before you read that, and I do want to hear this.
I think that that is a very objective and nuanced approach to this story.
So it's not okay that he did it, but he apologized the next day.
No scandal made him apologize.
It wasn't a fake thing.
Now, the apology Mark's about to read is fucking awkward.
That's good.
But it's an apology.
And I think we've all fucked up something, then realized the gravity of our error and then stumbled through an apology because we realized how much we fucked up.
That's a good point.
And so he sent an email the next day that says, Now that I think of it, dot dot dot, I'm ashamed.
That's the header of the email.
Yep.
Though my hearty greeting was a function of being glad to see you, dot dot dot.
Christian Slater got arrested for kind of similar act, though born of an alleged negative intent, unlike my own.
And as a husband, I can empathize with not liking to see my wife patted as such.
So pass along my apology to your very good and noble husband.
And I apologize to you as well for even putting you in such a position.
Next time, I will remember the lesson, no matter how happy I am to see you.
This guy's a scumbag.
This guy's an absolute fucking monster.
Apology?
He goes, He's a rapist, bro.
All right, that's a lot.
The guy's a rapist.
Go, go, allegedly.
Did he not rape her, but did he not?
He said he patted.
Yeah, he said, yeah, to see my wife patted us.
One man's pat is another man's grub.
You don't know what a pat is.
She stopped him in the moment, too.
In the moment, she said, he said, I can do that now.
And she pushed him away.
I was like, no, you can't.
No, you can't.
I have a husband.
Yeah, so you guys got to stop patting my ass every time I walk by, bro.
Now you're getting groped.
That is.
I'm sliding a finger in next time.
Like in basketball, you make a shot, you get the pat on the ass.
I try to stick.
I have a policy here at Schultz Studios.
What's that?
Your body.
Dove fact check this.
My choice.
And that's just how things go.
Is that what HR says?
That's it.
That's a lot of people.
That's the policy.
Dove's dick has been touched by me.
Okay?
For decades.
Your ass has been touched by me.
And Mark.
Mark has put a finger inside of your ass.
That's true.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
But that was direct orders.
I didn't even want to do it.
He made me.
Has damn near threatened to suck everybody's dick in here.
No, that's true.
On a regular basis.
On a regular basis.
Promised, really.
That's a promise.
Still might take it up on that one.
That's what I'm talking about.
And you've removed your clothing.
I have taken off my clothing during very important calls, and I've jerked off.
Okay, I don't want to be jerked off.
Wait, wait, I jerked off.
Wait, wait, wait.
I jerked off on all of you.
On you?
Every one of you, I've jerked off.
Other than the jellyfish incident, when did you jerk off on me?
You guys didn't know this.
But nope.
Nope.
There was a time where we were having the group exercise when we were doing the bonding, the group bonding exercise.
Nope.
Don't remember.
We were sitting back to back in a circle, everybody's backs in a circle.
I missed that day.
And I told you that I was going to jerk off.
I definitely wasn't here that day.
Dove, you were here that day?
You were here.
Did you say jerk off or did you use another?
It was during our HR conference.
Yeah.
HR/slash team built.
I started masturbating.
I started masturbating.
And I jerked off into the air.
And I was very surprised.
Someone else was also jerking off.
Oh, I do remember this.
Someone else.
You looked at me.
You said turtle time.
Yes, I did.
I did say that.
I said turtle time.
I jerked off and I thought I would be the only one.
Someone else was jerking off.
And who was that?
I got hit too.
I don't know who it was.
Fucking Schultz.
Say what?
Schultzy C.K. over here.
Hey, listen, listen, listen, listen.
We all got to get in where we fit in.
But somebody else, somebody else was doing it, bro.
Who?
Who?
I don't know.
Who's the culprit?
Was it you?
Was it Miles?
Was it Shifty?
Miles had been backed up for a long time.
I jerk off to you guys in the privacy of my own home.
Oh, wow.
Thank you.
Respect.
Respect.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Really?
Respect only.
What else would I think about that?
You ever jerking off and then you have to think about work or something that comes into your head?
You're like, ah, get out of here.
You guys do that.
Well, me neither.
No, have you ever been hitting it?
And all of a sudden, someone will call you like right at the moment.
And you're like, fuck.
Shifty.
And you got to hang up as you're thinking about him.
Ray doesn't like, you know, nothing.
Actually, this is a really fun game to say things that have happened and they just go, nah, yeah.
Never happened to me.
Just curious.
Al, go.
I don't got one.
Al's never jerked off.
Yeah, I don't jerk off.
I'll be honest with you guys.
I was joking about the jerk off thing.
Yeah, same, same, same.
I've never been jerked off by you guys or you guys never jerked off of me and I've never jerked off on you.
And we actually never had that bonding experience.
Oh, okay.
I made up that story.
Damn.
I thought you were a credible journalist, bro.
Shit.
I was lying for headlines, dude.
Wow.
I was lying for clickbaiting.
You're just trying to be inflammatory?
I was literally trying to be inflammatory because I thought that it would like drive views or something to the pod.
You know what I mean?
But like, I don't want to do that cheap shit, dude.
Yeah.
I don't want to do that cheap shit.
You're going to jerk off, do it for real.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If I'm going to take some time out of my day to pleasure myself, then I'm just going to do that.
Very honorable of you.
Yeah.
I'm an honorable guy.
That's why you're wearing your hunting jacket.
Very Cuomo.
Yeah.
What do you think I'm hunting in this?
There's fucking girls with shaved side of their heads.
Androgynous, yeah.
Yeah.
Androgeness is bad.
Hobie, Hobie?
Hobie Buchanan.
Hobie.
Jeremy Jackson.
All right, so is he canceled now?
Or was he?
The headline is hilarious.
What's the headline?
Because the headline is literally: Chris Cuomo sexually harassed me, but I don't think he should be fired.
Respect.
Well, she wants him to apologize on air.
Well, I hope he'll use his power to make change.
Yeah.
Which is weirdly like a level.
Why's he got to be on air?
Why he can't just apologize.
He's a little bit more.
Public humiliation.
That's what she wants.
I get it.
It makes sense.
Oh, because she felt publicly humiliated probably when he did it.
Yeah, and also this guy publicly smaller scale for a living, right?
Like he takes people who oppose him and his views, and he just calls them idiots and shames them on TV.
And she's probably kind of annoyed.
She watches him just like run his mouth all the time and she's looking at it like...
Really, bro?
You, of all people, you're going off of Matt Lauer for something, but like, you don't even, you're not going to acknowledge what you did to me.
And they both know.
There's an email correspondent.
So not like he was shit faced and he can pretend like he completely forgot it.
Persisted Sexual Harassment Claims00:02:35
Yeah.
You locked him in.
There is proof.
There's evidence.
There's a difference between what Matt Lauer did, though, and what this guy's doing.
What did Matt Lauer do?
I'm pretty sure he's not going to be able to do that.
I think he's an actual best desk ever.
He hit that little button.
Yeah, that's the only thing I know about Matt Lauer.
What?
Is that he had a trapdoor that would drop women into a dungeon, I think.
Yeah.
But who hasn't done that?
He puts the lotion on his skin.
Has he ever said that in one of his meetings?
Put it in the bucket.
Yeah, exactly.
Dude, that's what happens at the end of the meeting, right before he goes, yeah, yeah, so yeah, no, I'm great.
You know, this is good.
We have great ideas, and we'll make sure we get it done.
And it puts the lotion on his skin.
You say, wait, what was that?
Say again?
No, but what did he do?
What did Matt Lauer do?
I'm pretty sure he was a raper.
I'm fairly certain.
No, dude.
That's not true.
The guy's still working.
No, I don't think he is.
Oh.
No, no, but my understanding is that a girl that he had a relationship for an extended period of time that was working on the show, but they had like, it wasn't just like a one-off thing.
What's the trapdoor for if not rape?
There's no trapdoor.
It was a button.
Yeah, yeah, no.
It's a lock.
They can't get out or some shit like that.
Well, it is kind of a trapdoor in a different way.
Yeah.
No, they can get out.
They just unlock the door.
It's not like it only locks from the desk, right?
But what it does is it allows him to lock the door without getting off of his seat, which is what you want.
Getting off.
Your dick sucked on your seat.
Hold on.
Let me go turn the fucking.
You can't tell her to do it before she comes over.
Well, you can't have her walk in the room and go, lock the door.
That's a little creepy.
Like, we have to pretend.
Like, oh, yeah, is there somebody?
But doing like the pants down, shuffle to the door, lock it.
Pathetic.
Yeah.
And the girl's already sucking your dick.
You're going to make her get up and go fucking lock the door too?
Yeah.
Come on.
That's crazy, no?
That's how you know sucking dicks a chore.
You're like, I'm not going to make you do too.
Yeah.
That's disrespect.
That's disrespect.
She's already on her knees.
She got those stupid little black office heels.
You know what I mean?
She had to take those off.
You know the ones I'm talking about, raper?
All I can read is from the headlines is that sexual harassment and then persisted sexual harassment once he returned to New York.
So he harassed a reporter during the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia.
So I'm assuming he was in Russia and I was like, all right.
I mean, there's whores everywhere in Russia, probably, right?
I didn't understand this.
Oh, I thought he was doing this in the office.
Why did we hear about the office?
So yeah, I got to find out the destiny.
Yeah.
Are you talking about Sochi?
What happens if Broad stays abroad?
Oh, shit.
Nah?
Yeah, shoot.
I'm just saying.
But then he did it in New York also.
Keeping Your Hair While Writing00:03:10
It persisted even after he got back.
This case, I like the fact that she doesn't want the full cancellation stuff.
It's like, hey, let's, even though it was a shitty situation for me, let's try to make it not like a learning experience, but like, you know, it's your career doesn't need to be over, but you can still write your wrong.
Yeah.
But then he's, it's over.
This is what she's saying.
She says, I'm not asking for Mr. Cuomo to become the next casualty in the story, but I do want him to journalistically repent, agree on air to study the impact of sexism, harassment, and gender bias on the workplace, including his own, and then report on it.
I guess he could also annoy you more because he's now helping his brother out of his shit.
And it's like, oh, you might have apologized to me, but you didn't learn anything.
He's a scumbag.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No question.
And the wolves are coming because now he doesn't have the protection of his brother.
Like, when you're at the protection of your brother, you can't really say shit about him because it's like, uh-oh, now I'm going to have to hear from.
He's a made man.
Exactly.
Real talk.
Capo.
Literally.
Literally that.
You can't see.
And now the mob boss just got taken out.
Oh, yeah.
All right, guys.
We got to take a break for a second because I got to make sure y'all don't go bald.
Simple as that.
Y'all could be going bald and not even knowing it.
And you know, dudes, we lie to ourselves out here.
We're the last ones to know that we fell off.
We're the last ones to know our hair fell out.
Okay?
Because we lie.
Well, you know what doesn't lie?
Baldness.
Baldness tells you the truth every single motherfucking day.
So what you got to do is stop it before it starts.
Okay.
And you know what you're going to do that with?
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Crush on the box.
Let's get back to the show.
Now the wolves are coming.
Yeah.
But she came with like a pretty leveled accusation.
She was like, here's the receipts.
Here's what happened.
I was wrong by this, but it wasn't to the degree that it should be career ending.
So figure your shit out, fix it, learn something.
I just don't get when shit happened 16 years ago.
I think we need to see the ass because like if it's flat, if it's flat, 16 years ago.
16 years ago, if it was flat, it's a joke.
If she had the soup dupe fatty, right?
Yeah.
If she had the wagon.
The bottom heavies?
If she had the bottom heavies.
Birthday Parties and Attention00:06:04
If she had the bottom heavies and he grabbed it, we're like, this is sexual.
Right?
But if she had nothing, she had the moon, bro.
If she just had that flat face, if she was moonface back there, then you know it's a joke.
He's not grabbing that thing for him.
Yeah.
He's obviously making it uncomfortable and he fucked up and he did a stupid joke and he should never do it.
But it's not sexual.
Like, that's the thing about like harassment.
Who gets to decide if it's sexual or not?
Yeah.
What if she just like drained?
You know what I mean?
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, why'd you call me sexy malfunctions?
You're like, I was being sarcastic.
Yeah, I'm not really calling you sexy, though.
You're fucking no ass, bro.
This girl's walking down the street, right?
This huge girl's walking down the street.
You're like, damn, girl.
And she's like, why are you sexually harassing me?
Bitch, I'm trying to save your life.
You fucking huge.
You know what I mean?
You have diabetes.
Look at you.
You look like a damn.
That's what I was saying.
You have to stop a river.
You can stop a river.
I'm sitting here in New Orleans.
Please.
You're a levy.
Oh, I understand.
Right.
Oh, I see where you're at.
So I think we need to get, we need to look into sexual harassment.
Not all harassment is sexual.
We have to talk about sexual.
It could just be regular harassment.
That's, I harassed you, no doubt.
Yeah.
But you're going to put sexual on here?
Cocky ass?
That's arrogant.
That's arrogant.
You know what I'm saying?
What if I, if I'm like nice tits, you don't know if I just had a kid and maybe my kid would really want to suck on his tit?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, maybe I just burnt a kid and he's sucking on teddies.
Right?
And you have some teeth.
Look like they got milk in them.
Yeah.
Just like crazy.
You're a bad person.
That's high sexual.
You're not a sexual object to me.
You're livestock to me.
That's livestock.
Which is harassment.
You're a very cow.
I'm a rapper.
Yeah.
I care about my child, Ian.
Yeah.
You're a whole foos.
Right?
Yeah, I see it.
Just say it.
Yo, let's talk about it.
Like, you don't know if the harassment is sexual or not.
You got to talk to me first before we jump to that conclusion.
If I say some shit, talk to me first.
How'd you mean that?
Doesn't matter.
So it could be harassment, but just not sexual.
Yes.
There we go.
I'm a harasser.
Yeah.
We harass each other all day.
Do I not harass you?
All day.
You harass me as friends.
Sometimes it's sexual.
Sometimes it's sexual.
You snitch it, bro.
I mean, sometimes.
Why can't it be sometimes sexual?
What are we doing?
Come on, y'all.
I remember the time where we all put our dicks right in the middle and then we started jerking off sitting because I was like, this is just like why I used to play stickball on the streets of Far Rock away.
Fire Hydrant was open in the summer.
Remember when we tried to make a little homecoming party for him?
Yeah, and then we stuck our dicks in the Chinese finger trap.
That was Mark's Force, kid.
You can't pull away.
It's tighter.
It crazy does.
So unfortunately birthday, Mark, by the way.
Yeah, 25th anniversary.
That's what we're doing for your birthday.
Old as fuck, Jesus, bro.
Okay, for real.
This is Mark's birthday.
It was Mark's birthday Monday when we're recording this, everybody at home.
Wow.
So make sure you go wish Mark a happy birthday.
Yeah, old fuck.
Yeah, old ass.
How old are you officially today?
Mid-20s, bro.
25.
Late 20s, late 20s, 2020.
That's mid-20s.
We rounded it.
How old are you?
I'm rounding up.
How old are you?
I'm rounding up.
How old are you?
I'm 30.
Late 30s?
No, I'm early 30s.
This guy's late 30s.
We round up.
We round up over here.
You foolies.
We round up.
This guy's early 30s, though.
About to have his midlife crisis over here.
Your boy out here.
I'm crisising, dog.
I'm in crisis mode.
Which also, no one even remembers my birthday.
I'm Burt Chryser.
No one remembers my birthday since.
I did 50.
No, I did.
I remembered it as soon as Chifty told me.
I remember as soon as I saw the balloons this morning.
I truly.
I forgot because you texted me you were going to be eight minutes late.
Look at this right here.
What?
Look, Mark Gagnon's birthday.
Man, cut that out, Mark.
Respect.
Wait, Drew, did you put it in your calendar and ignore it when you got the reminder for it?
Andrew doesn't believe in birthdays.
You remember this?
I don't believe in birthdays.
Do you remember this?
He doesn't believe in them.
He doesn't.
I don't either.
I don't believe in birthdays.
And not in like a way.
Oh, yeah.
Keep that in.
Just bleed it.
I don't believe in.
I don't believe in.
I don't believe in adult birthdays.
I believe in child birthdays.
100%.
So when does the birthdays end?
16.
No.
Oh.
Sweet 16?
Kincineto?
18.
Nah, 16.
I think once you turn 18, that's your last day.
You're just celebrating somebody's 17-year-old birthday like 17.
That's not even age.
Get a cake.
Get a cake.
Have some people come around.
Your family, but that's it.
22.
Real talk for us.
It was 13.
If you're a boy, everybody stopped giving a fuck.
Yeah, 13.
But I'm not going to front.
You turn 40.
We running it back.
To a 40-year-old birthday party, that's legit.
Oh, that's 50?
Why?
Because you got a bedtime.
Say what?
Why?
Because you got a bedtime.
Yeah, we're doing a bruisey brunch.
It's going to be a day party.
That's why, you know, that's why Diddy has all those parties during the day, huh?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's my fucking dude.
You're just aged out of partying at night.
Yeah.
Oh, genius.
But your birthday's coming up.
The rock brunch or whatever it's called?
That shit is just.
Hey, look, man.
Let's get this over with.
Do you want us to do something on your birthday?
We are doing something on your birthday.
We are.
But specifically for your birthday birthday.
Well, that's for my bachelor party.
That's my point.
Do you want it to be a birthday celebration?
No.
Yeah.
I don't care.
I really don't care.
He wants it all.
I know, no.
I don't care about that.
I'm getting you a present.
I'll get you a good present.
I mean, you guys can do whatever you want, but like, the, I don't know, like, the birthday stuff, like, having itself.
Like, put it this way.
And I think I've said this on the podcast before.
Like, I get enough attention.
I think people who aren't in our shoes, maybe, they value the birthday because it really is a moment of their life where everybody is caring about them and like everything is about them.
And they don't get that a lot.
And they might not feel like they deserve that a lot.
You know what I mean?
So there's this one excuse that's baked into their year where they get to go, okay, it is about me.
And I don't have to feel guilty about it being about me.
Right.
And we're so fucking lucky that we perform on the road all the time.
We're on stage.
Calling Afghanistan by Name00:10:08
We're doing podcasts.
Like we get a lot of attention when we want.
So I don't know.
Sometimes I feel like more attention is.
I hope that's right because I truly never understood grown men who cared about their birthday.
That being said, I care about the bachelor party because I feel like it's not for me.
The bachelor party is for the friends.
When I've gone to my friends' bachelor parties, it's for the friends.
But now you ruined it because now it was something for us and now we also have to care about your birthday.
So wow.
Thanks.
Well, I just said you don't have to care about my birthday.
But you know what we're going to.
You're just saying.
I said accidental.
I mean, you can say happy birthday.
I'm going to listen to him.
I'm going to get honest.
I'm not going to be a president.
I mean, one president at least.
A gift or something like that.
You know what I mean?
Why don't you give me a sweet cocksucker?
Just like a sweet birthday cocksuck.
That would be nice.
Time to shy, boy.
Talking about that, right?
You've been having it on the podcast all these years.
Yeah.
Come on, man.
Wait.
Okay.
So, can we have a serious conversation?
Yeah, let's start the pod.
Okay.
Let's start the podcast.
Hey, yo, hey, yo, Patreon episode.
Go.
I've seen a lot of bags fumbled in my day.
I've never seen anything like what the Democrats have done in the last nine months.
Talking about between Biden fucking up Afghanistan, AOC going to the mechanic beginning.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
It's not a fucking Indian word.
That's how they say it.
Afghanistan.
No, it's not.
They don't call it Afghanistan.
They call it whatever the fuck their country's called.
Kobbled, how do they say it?
Afghanistan.
No, they don't.
Yeah, they do.
They have their own name for their country.
What do they call it?
We call ourselves the United States of America, right?
Yeah.
South Korea probably calls it.
They don't call it, right?
Like that.
What do you think?
We call the United States of America everywhere else.
Say again?
What do you think they call the US?
What do you call India?
Is it India?
Yeah.
No, what do you call it in fucking Hindi?
It's India.
No, it's not.
Yeah, dude.
In France, before.
No, before it was Badat.
Hindustan?
It's Hindustan.
Before it was Bharat.
But now they just call it India.
No, no, they're using the American version.
They have their own name for the Nippon is Japan.
Do you not know that other countries aren't named in English?
Did you just find that out?
Do you think in Afghanistan they don't call themselves Afghanistan?
This is good.
Do you think in Afghanistan they don't call themselves Afghanistan?
Do you really think all countries are named in English?
I'm not saying that it's not the same.
Every country is English named?
No, I'm not saying, I'm saying what they call it now.
I told you what India's first name was, but now they call it it.
They don't running around.
They don't run around saying, oh, I'm the prime minister of Badat.
No.
Modi is the prime minister of India.
That's what it is.
So we just body jaw out of your body.
Body the world, bro.
So we body jaw.
English, body the world.
That's just y'all.
Nippon is in Japan.
They still call it Nippon.
What, the whole country?
Yes.
Japanese people say that.
You think Japanese people?
Japan.
No.
They say the shit all in Japanese because they have their own word for it.
Matter of fact, there's a lot of countries that refuse to use American words and they start creating their own words for it.
What about Japanese people?
Like they won't say computer.
They'll say like in Norway, I think they have their like.
Oh, wow, Norway.
Wait a minute.
Way to rebel, Norway.
At least they got their own name.
Fucking Norway.
You guys are just using the English word.
Who cares, dude?
Norway, bro.
You're insignificant.
You're Norway.
Scotland won.
Scotland won, dog.
Scotland won.
Well, you don't know because you don't have the freedom yet to choose whether or not you have your own name.
Yeah, you guys have the freedom to be fucking sunned by us.
Kiss you on your forehead.
Hey, we just do what's convenient.
We make life easy for you by the way.
You do best.
Convenient things.
I can't help it.
Convenient is your thing.
It's our business.
It's our awareness.
It's our business being convenient.
No, but be honest, just acknowledge you are aware that countries have their own names for themselves.
But I'm not sure.
It's not fair, not.
Yeah, no, I acknowledge that.
But people there still probably do you count one, two, three, four, five, or do you have your own words for the numbers?
Yeah, but sometimes it'll just use the English.
Yes or no?
Yes or no?
Yes.
And sometimes they'll just use the English name.
And you also have your own country.
And are you saying that nobody in Afghanistan calls it Afghanistan?
They never use that.
We used to call it Afghanistan when we were there a lot.
What is France?
How do you say France?
France.
False.
False.
But French people call America it as unique.
United States.
Londres is London in Spanish.
Everybody has their own thing.
It's very normal.
So you guys are doing the abnormal thing, which is just bending over.
No.
Yeah.
No.
Also, the guy said gobble multiple times.
Was it started?
Was it gobble always?
Because we call it gobble.
Is it always gobble?
Or do you think they just adopted the American way to say it?
No, it's always been.
We call it rubble.
We don't call it gobble.
It's pronounced rubble.
It's pronounced rubble, yeah.
For us.
But I'm just saying, Afghanistan, you're actually not.
I know what you're trying to do.
You're trying to do tortilla.
You're trying to do the thing where you pronounce something right.
You're not even saying the right word to pronounce right.
Well, do you know what Afghans call Afghanistan?
Yes.
What do they call it?
I'm not going to say it.
Because you're forcing me into saying something racist.
I would never.
You're forcing.
I almost fell for it.
I almost fell for it.
You threw me an alley oop, and it was a racism alley.
But if you were to fall for it, what would you say?
Listen, you're asking me.
You're asking me to go too far, and I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to do it.
Just say the right name.
Just say the right name.
I'm actually looking up.
I can't figure it out.
So I literally, it's like they call it Pashtuns.
We're like the Pashtuni people that live in.
Afghanistan doesn't exist.
It's a bunch of tribal lands, and they all identify as their own thing.
So the Pashtun people, they'd be like, oh, this is our shit over here.
And I'm sure the Taliban, well, I guess the Taliban is a little bit different because they're Kandahar, the Ghazni.
But yeah, they all have their own region.
And the region is what?
We could call Case right now.
Case's mom is an actual Afghan refugee.
Call Case.
Okay.
Fuck would she know?
She left, bro.
She left.
She doesn't remember.
They probably asked her.
They're like, hey, if you want to stay, you got to say the name of this shit.
She's like, I don't know.
Delta Deltas.
Get me out of here.
Let's see if it picks up.
Let's go.
Yeah, the thing I see here is Pashtun.
Motherfucker, dude.
Pashtun.
Is it fucking Bala, Afghani?
No, it's Pakistani.
It's Afghanistan.
It's basically time of no, the fucking Russians named it that shit.
No.
Turkestan, Afghanistan, Aministan.
I'm telling you, they call it Pashtuns.
Pashtun.
Yeah.
That's Pashtun.
But those are the people.
Pashtun people, yeah.
No, they also call it that.
Afghans are Pashtuns.
That you can pronounce with the accent.
Afghans.
Pashtun.
Pashtun.
But you're basically saying this.
United States of America.
Amrika.
America.
America.
Yes, you are.
Amrika.
That actually sounds cooler.
It sounds like a spice.
Yeah, hello.
Papa.
America.
Amrika.
I'm going to text him.
This motherfucker.
Which isn't that crazy America got named after that one guy that didn't do shit.
Yeah, Amerigo.
Amerigo Vespas.
Did nothing.
I mean, he did fucking find it.
No, he didn't.
Yeah, he did.
Someone else probably found it.
But he found it the sickest.
You showed that shit Rogan posted?
Yo, what was that about?
Yeah, it just said that there was people here.
Also, can we acknowledge how Akash just wanted to suck the fun out of that fucking shit?
And he's still texting right now on the podcast.
We just want to make fun of you.
All caps.
Call me Amina.
We just want to make fun of you.
Let me make my point.
Stop being a rhinoceros guy.
Okay?
Just try to have fun, dude.
Just have fun.
It's not a bad thing.
Let me make my point.
Stop being the rhinoceros guy.
Whoever, what fucking tool that guy was.
That's not how you pronounce rhinoceros.
How do you pronounce it?
Oh, wow.
What, guys?
Everybody.
You don't think there's at least one click in it over there?
You don't think they call Amin?
Get Amin on the phone right now.
Seriously.
Can we get American?
Dude, do you didn't know that Amin actually had a fucking, what do they call it?
A rhinoceros tusk?
Tusk?
Yeah.
Tusk.
He had a tusk, and he traded that to get his hair back.
That's what he used as payment to get his hair back.
100%.
That's a fact.
Wow.
Yeah.
Shout out to Amin, dude.
Amin Alhassan.
The fucking greatest rhino rider in history, Doug.
You got to go to a rhino rodeo, man.
They're unbelievable.
Really?
What?
Unbelievable.
How many seconds do they stay on?
But no, because you get bucked, you just get fucking split open, dude.
One time.
That rhino tusk goes through you.
Not a game, bro.
It's not a game.
What are we talking about?
Oh, he was talking about Afghanistan.
You were talking about Afghanistan.
Tell us about Afghanistan.
So, okay, so they fucked up.
Who's they?
Who's they?
Biden.
Fucked up, leaving Afghanistan.
Afghanistan.
AOC goes to the Met Gala.
Pretends it's like a righteous thing.
It's AOSE.
I'll say.
I'll say.
Alessandre.
And then the Cuomo brothers, both sexually harassing everybody.
Cuomo.
Cuomo.
Cuomo, brothers.
Sexually harassing everybody.
You had the entire world on your side in January.
And then slowly everybody's just like, I'm done with these guys.
You just fumbled the bag.
It was locked up.
You had eight years.
That's just how administrations work, though, right?
Yeah, but it's also, I think, how like, what's it called?
Ideology works.
Like, especially like liberal ideology.
It's the right idea.
Yeah.
Everybody should have rights.
Everybody, everybody.
Let's let everybody in.
No more school debt.
Like they say the things that make sense on the surface.
And you're a monster if you don't agree with them.
Right?
You're like, well, shouldn't we invest all this money in these communities so they can have a better life?
Yeah, of course.
Shouldn't rich people get taxed way more so that we can help out the people who are less.
Yeah.
Let's help everybody.
And then you actually try to see it happen, and you also see those same people become complete hypocrites.
And you're like, oh, rules for thee, not for me.
Yeah.
I see what it is.
So it looks weird.
Shutting down all the wineries and leaving his open.
Exactly.
Yes.
I talked to people who legit said they had Bernie fundraisers in California.
And then they said, after this whole, like, the way Newsom handled everything and the master.
Is that what those fires were about?
Bernie fundraiser, not Berning fundraiser.
Oh, my bad, my bad, my bad.
They said, I'll never vote the Democrat again in my life.
Yeah.
They were so done with it.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm telling you, people are.
What do they have to vote?
Republican?
I think so.
Yeah.
They moved to Florida and then.
You know what they call a Republican?
What's that?
Republican?
A rhino.
Oh, that's a good point.
Just saying.
Just saying.
But Republicans, a rhino's the best.
Gamer Subs and Republicans00:03:00
Because they weigh the same.
Wait a minute.
What is a rhino?
That's a Republican in name only.
So they would call him Mitt Romney a rhino.
He's not really.
So he's a Republican on the ticket, but he has all these Democrats.
Dumb motherfuckers would misspell Rhino.
Fucking idiots.
Jesus Christ.
And then Dino's the opposite.
Is a Democrat in name.
So like Kristen Cinema.
Ah, Biden.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess if you look at it like on a neoliberal perspective.
All right, guys, we need to take a break for a second because I need to tell y'all about gamer subs.
First of all, I got a waifu right here.
Maybe it's called Waifu.
I don't know exactly how the fuck it's called Waifu.
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And if you had the fruit punch flavor of the gamer subs in there, them titties turn red.
Red titties?
Kind of fire when you think about it.
That's what they should put on that Washington football team helmet.
Anyway, guys, waifu is the truth, okay?
And you can get these at that Gamer Subs website, but you can also get an amazing, an absolutely amazing energy powder that you can mix with your water and have an energy beverage.
So you can be playing video games all night.
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Okay.
These things right here, they're always sold the fuck out.
They go for like $200, $400 on the internet on a reset.
eBay, bro.
You can sell them white foods for a lot of money.
They are motherfuckers jerking off and filling this thing up with sperm.
That's a fact.
That's a fact.
Exactly.
You got to fill one up, then you get a new one.
Okay?
It's like a piggy bank.
Only with a sperm button.
It's a sperm.
Literally, it is a sperm bag.
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100%.
And then the hole is wide enough to get it.
There's perfect.
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Point is: get yourself a waifu, but also get that gamer subs.