Brian Laundrie and Gabby Petito dominate the conversation as hosts dissect the murder mystery, debating whether Laundrie killed her or abandoned her while speculating on a potential serial killer link near Wyoming. The discussion expands to analyze "missing white woman syndrome," the viral nature of influencer culture, and how history reframes atrocities like those of Hitler or Genghis Khan based on victory. Interspersed with comedic segments on immigration policies, Hulk's controversial dating life, and Canelo Alvarez's pre-fight altercation, the episode ultimately critiques media sensationalism and societal hypocrisy regarding race, gender, and power dynamics. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Memorial For Akash Singh00:04:48
What's up, everybody, and welcome to Flagrant 2.
It's your boy Schultze.
Akash Singh is not here.
Okay, so we have a little bit of a, what is this called?
It's a memorial.
A memorial.
We have a memorial for Akash Singh while he's not dead.
He's still, he's not, yeah, he's not dead.
Yeah, he's with us on earth.
Yeah, yeah, he's still here.
A shrine, maybe?
A shrine.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
So basically, what happened is, obviously, you guys know that we were taping the special this weekend in Austin, and Akash was such a fucking soldier, trooper, great man, great friend.
Came out and supported, helped us out.
He's just a fucking man.
And then he has shows later this week in Austin.
So we said, yo, kick it out there.
You're the fucking man for him.
He's at Moontower this week.
Moontower.
Yeah.
So make sure y'all go check him out.
Moontower.
He's got some individual shows there.
I think he's got one show that he's individually headlining, and then he's on a bunch of the other shows there.
So make sure you go check in.
We also got Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, a truffle in the motherfucking building.
Voluntifyty in the back.
I don't know how long they're going to be here, but they are fucking here.
And yeah, man, life is fucking good, dude.
Life is fucking good.
It is very nice.
I was telling Dev earlier today that I was just walking around my neighborhood and I was like, I could live in a beautiful neighborhood.
Do you remember that story I told you when I was on Percocet and I told the girl I loved her?
And the colors were different.
Yeah, it was just everything was so beautiful.
Like that's how I felt this morning walking my dog, like without the stress of knowing that I had to record a special and knock it out and make sure every joke was right and make sure I was getting up and finding every loose end and make sure I was tying it like to just wake up and go, we're just going to go do a pod later today at a certain time.
And then we're two hours late already on the pod because I was trying to fucking put it on Instagram.
Actually, yeah, we're two days late.
Sorry about that, everybody at home.
But just like, is this what normal people do every day?
They just have a life of they enjoy their neighborhood.
No, I think overall, your stress from after the last show is just completely different.
Like, really?
Yeah, you went from like, oh, it's peace.
And then the next day, you were crazy.
I was back on it or what?
No.
Wait, wait, what happened?
What happened?
Next day we were going for it.
Oh, we were partying.
Yeah, yeah.
Because after day one, I felt such a fucking calm.
You know, like it was, it was amazing.
It was like, I was, I was more anxious for not entirely.
We'll get into it.
We won't get into that.
But I was more nervous for the shows in San Diego than I was for the day two of special taping.
Yeah, why is that?
No clue.
I think the shows in San Diego, I'm like, okay, I still want to make these tweaks and adjustments and get the special right.
And this is going to be my last run through where I could see if the jokes and the timing and the order and everything works well.
And then day two, you know, I was like, I was like, okay, I think we got it.
Let's just see what happens.
And then we did day two and we're like, oh, yeah, we got on day two.
Sorry, day one.
It's looking like it's going to be Monday shows.
Didn't make it.
But yeah, just huge thank you to everybody and just walking around with the fucking.
I saw a guy on my block watching porn just sitting down on the street.
Nice.
And it was fucking amazing.
He was an old Indian man watching porn on his cell phone and he had his headphones in and he thought that he was listening to it on his headphones and it was just blaring out of his phone.
It was like super loud, like moaning like when you're trying to do the prank.
Right?
Just and the guy's looking at his phone like this and he doesn't want people to think he's watching porn.
So he's like looking at like astutely like he's like watching like that.
And he's like, okay, and I just walked by.
And he just heard like it is distinctly Asian.
It was South Asian?
Was it Indian?
I think it might have been South Africa.
Actually, I've never seen Indian porn.
Are they allowed to?
I have no clue.
Have you guys seen Indian porn?
I mean, oh, no, that's that's Muslim.
Yeah, no, whoa, just Indian comments on that.
That's because they don't have porn.
I mean, they're all comments, bro.
Yeah.
They go crazy on the comments.
I love it, though, in the morning.
I mean, they talk about his stress, but he's like, our neighborhood, Soho, it's so beautiful.
And then he's talking about watching someone watching porn.
And then an hour later, we're talking about brunch spots.
And I'm like talking about one of my favorite spots.
He's like, no, no, no, I went there the other night.
Cat-sized rats just fucking through.
Yeah, there's rats, but it's okay.
It's fine.
That's true.
Oh, Al showing me a video of two people just having sex on the Metro.
Yeah.
That's Metro.
That's love.
It's love.
It's a city of all those subway.
This is not Europe.
It's a subway.
But guys, this is beautiful.
Walking Into Production Chaos00:05:39
You have to let these things happen.
Romance, dove.
Why are you against romance, guys?
Dude, I was walking smiling.
I was walking down the street smiling, not looking at my dog.
Like, if you don't take a shit already so I can get back there and finish this fucking special.
Like everything was an inconvenience because we needed to do the special.
Yeah.
And now that we have that part of it done, obviously we got to, you know, edit and really kind of build out what the special is going to be in post.
But having that part done is, I don't want to call it an achievement yet because we haven't made it.
The special job ain't finished.
The job ain't done on some real Kobe shit.
Job ain't done.
But there is a part of the job that we had far less control of, right?
Like you walk into a room of a thousand people.
You don't know what anybody's going to do.
You don't know who's going to yell out.
You don't know if I'm going to say the line right or if I'm going to mess up a line or do these things.
Like we don't know, right?
And at least in the edit, it's like we get to decide if we take a joke or move it over here or cut the joke out or something.
Like now, now it's basically like man hours.
Yeah.
Now we're building the pyramids.
It's going to take a while.
Yeah.
But it's up to us how many hours we want to sit in a fucking booth.
The raw material is there.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, how do you guys feel?
What is it like?
I'm happy that it went well.
Yeah.
It felt like I got everything I wanted to get from like the shots I had in mind.
And yeah, I'm like looking forward to the edit, even though I know it's going to be an edit.
Yeah.
It's going to be fun.
Because we have a lot.
Yeah, we have a lot to work with.
That's the thing.
Al came to me afterwards and he's like, and he's like, he's like, the hardest part about this is we're going to have to cut a lot of stuff that we really love.
Yeah.
And that is best case scenario.
Yeah.
Worst case scenario is we got to stuff in shit that we don't want.
Yeah.
But it's often harder to not include something that is like a really special moment because it just doesn't fit for whatever reason.
So maybe we find another place for, I mean, like, I think after day two, Al's like, yeah, I think we got another crowd work special and what did you think about it, Mark?
Bro, I was shocked at how well it went.
Yeah.
Like going into it, like, I don't know.
I wasn't, I was, I personally wasn't like overly stressed.
I was like just a regular amount of stressed, right?
Which I don't like the feeling of.
Yeah.
Because like, I don't know.
I'm walking in, I was like, well, I hope this set looks good.
Like, I hope all the stuff that I wasn't even like really in touch with.
I was like, I just hope that stuff is good.
I hope the DP is good.
And he turned out to be amazing.
Yeah, I just hope that this shit worked out.
And it did.
So I don't know, in that regard, like walking into this thing and just having all these other people that were like good at their job making stuff happen.
I'm like, oh, it's a lot easier than doing it with just four people.
Yeah.
It is interesting going into these things because I don't think there's skepticism of us as a team or as a unit.
But since we don't operate like a production company, there is always going to be some skepticism about like the skill, right?
Like when you hire a production company, you assume they know what's going on.
We don't even know the words for a lot of things.
Like there's this thing called a steady cam, right?
Which is this thing called a steady cam, which is basically allows a cameraman to like move around with the camera being steady the whole time, right?
It's stabilized.
It's stabilized, right?
So you don't have the shaking or anything.
So the guy can literally run and I guess it's fixated on like some like gyros or something like that.
So basically the camera never moves.
Al and I called the handy cam the whole time.
The whole time.
And it's been used in cinema and TV for decades.
And it's a handicam.
I blame you because you put it in my head and I couldn't get it out.
He couldn't get out of it.
So I started calling Steady Cam and then he just kept calling handy cam and I'm like, he's not going to know what I mean unless I say handicam.
So we just got, I think we call it a handicap.
We just called the guy the handicam.
They were correcting you for the first three or four.
And then after I watched one, clearly these professional videographers are like, yeah, the handy cam.
They start calling.
But yeah, so exactly.
So we're a little bit rough around the edges, but we know what we want.
The thrust.
Oh my God.
The thrust, the trust.
We don't know what it is.
The part of the stage that comes out.
We're just making up words for all this shit.
It's trust.
What is cool was a cool experience is like at first, maybe there being a little bit of skepticism.
And then when the vision starts to be more clear for everybody, right?
When they like start to see the suggestions that we're making and then see these things happen and you see, you know, like what it looks like when the curtains open.
I don't want to lose too much stuff, but like also seeing the people realize what they're a part of and then them get excited by it because these guys are production guys.
They work on tons of productions.
You know what I mean?
You work on fucking Hannah Montana.
You might not be excited about that.
And it's really cool for me to like look at someone who's been in production for a decade and then they feel like they're actually part of something that's really exciting and there's something that they're proud of.
And I'm not saying that they put more effort in, but it seems like they really want it to go well.
Like they're making like suggestions for creative moves and like that could really help the like help the special.
And like we'll have a conversation with them.
Like we always talk, you know, amongst the team.
It's like best idea wins.
We don't have any idea.
We don't have any ego when it comes to the best idea.
And you get people offering some shit up.
It was really cool.
Yeah.
It was really fucking cool, man.
Dub, how'd you feel about it?
It was great.
And you couldn't see it from where we were in the control room.
Like you're seeing the screen with all eight cameras up at the same time.
And when you watch it in that way, you're watching the special.
It looks amazing.
So you guys are in for something.
Yeah.
And how did you feel after all the shows when we were just hanging out, going out and stuff?
Did you feel like you were having fun in Austin or no?
Great time, right?
Best Idea Wins No Ego00:15:19
Learned a lot about me.
A lot of alone time.
I learned about you.
Dev had a lot of alone time in Austin, I guess you could say.
Did I have alone time?
Yeah.
When were you alone?
When was he alone?
Just after the shows, you know, instead of having companionship, he was alone.
Well, you had companionship.
You just didn't close anything.
That's a new stage of my life where you got some makeups.
You know how many times Dev has said to me like the last month, like, I got touched over the pants.
He's bragging about touching over the pants.
He's regressing back to middle school.
He used to be a closer, dog.
What is this?
Touch over the pants.
So this is a new stage of my life.
She was like rubbing me over my pants and I just couldn't do it.
He said Icons before you got married.
Yo, Dev's a dry hump king, bro.
We need one loser in the crew, okay?
Akash is getting pussy left and right now from the same girl.
But still, we need to.
He's just going one wonder.
No, it's not that.
It's I'm growing up.
But it was one of these things where it's like, you can't, people are like, oh, you're on the road.
You're picking up girls from the show.
You're taking them down.
I'm like, no, no, no.
The girls still look at me like, all right, you hooked me in, but now you look like a normal, nice guy that I would like to date.
And so you're going to wait.
You're not going to be.
That's a Doug's excuse.
Like, whenever a girl doesn't get many pussy, it's like, she likes me too much.
How do you even convince yourself?
That's next level confidence in the future.
I'm not into it.
And he's like, oh, you want long-term.
I see.
Are you laughing?
Because there's other hurdles that I had to face where I was in the dressing room with one girl and then out of the hurdle.
Dove, remember we were at the restaurant with the other two girls the other night?
Just showing me how what hurdle is this?
You don't remember this?
No, tell me about this.
I must have forgotten.
I was snitching on everybody, bro.
Wait, I'm going to discuss you a snitch first.
I never snitched in my life.
No, no, no.
First is out.
All right.
Let's go in chronological order.
All right.
I got it.
No, I got it.
It was shaking.
He just said chiropractic words.
No, what did you actually say?
So, first, can you say the word again?
Chronological.
I thought you said gynecological.
Oh, my God.
Okay, go, go.
All right, first we're at Soho House, and Dove's talking to this giant.
She was a pizza.
She reminded me of the girls from Dude Where's My Car, the giant ones at the end.
You know which ones I'm talking about?
No.
And I know you didn't see the movie.
No, I did see that movie.
I loved it, dude.
Chris Kutcher makes out of the guy.
As you say, capping.
Please continue.
What's she doing?
She was all right.
She's a height, but she's a giant.
Like, she was like jacking a beanstalk.
Yeah.
She was tall.
No, Amazon won't be.
She was jacking the beanstalk over the pants, I promise you.
So then she makes some joke.
She's like, oh, I bet you can't guess my height or some shit like that.
So she knows she's tall and she's looking at Dove.
She's like, Yeah, I probably got him or whatever the case is.
So they do a little height-to-height, back-to-back situation.
Yeah.
And Dove acts Mark.
He's like, So who's taller?
Mark's like, Yeah, she got you.
Well, I didn't realize that the height thing is such like a deciding factor for me.
Oh, I'm so tall.
It must be tough for some guys.
I know.
I know.
Fuck you.
Girls, me.
Girls have money.
Oh, they want a long-term thing with me.
That's just how it is.
I don't even think about it in that term.
I wear orthotics to give me an extra inch for a reason, motherfucker.
The fact that you call them orthotics.
They are.
Like, they're medical.
No, no, no.
They're like medical dogs.
No, I actually need them for my flat feet.
Wow.
And so now I'm like, hey, if I'm going to wear them anyway, I'm going to go to the bottom.
What doctor prescribed them?
They got a heel, Dr. Schrödinger.
They got a hair bubble.
That's different.
I already said that.
Jordan had a hair bubble.
Son, we're wearing all these flat shoes.
I need the air bubble back, bro.
Son, I wear orthotics is crazy.
I do.
Okay.
But you really think a girl's not going to be able to do this because she's an inch taller.
She wasn't an inch taller.
I'm just fine.
Three inches.
I don't know what you want me to say.
I'm not 5'11 and 5'8.
Maybe she was a solid 6'feet.
So you gotta say the same.
And also, 6 feet as a Jew is 6'4.
But you also wear short shoes.
So I'll give me the lifts.
Put them in, bro.
I wear short shoes too, though.
That's what I'm saying.
That's why I'm short.
You can wear a taller shoe.
I wear flats.
I mean, I wear ones, which are flats.
So now I need the extra.
But if you had like an Air Max, like Steve Max.
That's a one-inch pump in Air Max.
I don't need them in Air Max.
I only put them in my Jordan once.
Ah, I'm flat foot already and pronated.
I don't need flat flat.
Come on, bro.
I was got negative inches on his feet, bro.
His arch is convex.
How does that even matter?
You do have flat feet.
Let's get your shape-ups.
But it's funny to watch him walk when I know that his heel is hella high in a shoe.
And I see hell eye.
His hell eyes.
I see your heel just popping out the back of the shoe every time he walks.
He's just buffed.
That's why I can't wear mids.
That's why I can't wear mids, bro.
That heel pops out.
Dove, I got you.
I'll give you my card.
But you really think an inch will make a girl not hook up with you?
I legit didn't know that was a thing.
It's just whatever it is.
Just be on my side.
Yeah.
This is the thing.
I thought it was going to be like a cute.
Like, you ever play like darts with a girl at a bar?
And like, even if she misses, you go, yeah.
No, there is not.
No.
Where are you playing darts with kids?
Fiddler's Green in Orlando.
You guys never just played darts with a girl at a ball?
No, no.
They don't give New Yorkers weapons.
Bars.
They don't even let us wear fitted hats in the bar.
Let's go.
That sharp shit just hanging around.
That's a good point.
But look at Soho House and she's got chest tattoos.
It's badass tattoo.
You're riffing with a girl and you're like, oh, yeah, the girl wins.
You're doing like an arm wrestle with a girl.
You let the girl win.
Okay, hold on, hold on.
I have to say Mark might be making a point without even knowing it.
Stop it.
No, no, no.
And I think you're completely right.
I don't know it.
I don't know.
No, no, no.
I think there's a reverse confidence for girls who are over 5'10.
So instead of being more confident because they're these tall, beautiful women, they actually start to feel insecure because most of the guys they meet are shorter than them.
So being shorter than a girl who's 5'11, 6'6'1 is not an inhibitor.
She's just looking for someone who's gonna be into her because she's insecure that she's so tall.
If a girl's like 5'6, 5'7, she's like, I need a guy taller than me.
I cannot date under.
But I bet you taller women more often than not date dudes that are smaller than them.
Yeah.
I mean, statistically, it must be, right?
Like, if you're six foot, why would you limit your dating pool to fucking 10%, 20%?
And also it's going to be the super cocky, like, rich, short dude who's going to go after and try to climb that tree.
Yeah.
It's not Dove.
That's true.
But he thought he was on even playing ground.
Yeah, we're both the same height.
She's shoes and she wears a lot of shit.
She was on a decline, I think.
I knew I was highlighting her.
I would slouch you a little bit.
Which one, who's the girl who came to the show that you struck out with?
Who was that girl?
No, which one?
Oh, I think you're confused because there was a Soho day date and then there was a Soho night date.
This guy's working, bro.
Like, we don't got shit to do.
I know.
We don't got shit to weekend.
We ain't got a fucking weekend.
Over-the-pants rub.
How'd the weekend go to?
What?
How'd the weekend go?
I mean, it went great.
Yo, but wait.
With no thanks to you.
You're busy fucking fraternizing over at Soho House.
I squeezed in a day date during workout time.
Raya matched.
That Raya matched.
She was nice.
Wait, that was the same one?
That was a day date.
Yeah.
And then she was all right.
And then what happened?
You guys went.
I know that she said that she had to go at one point.
I know.
They also dragged her out of there.
No, no, you dragged her out of there.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Remember?
So when he tried to, she was like, okay, bye.
I'm being told I have to leave.
I was like, okay, dog.
That was like, it's game time.
And you took her to the room.
And what happened?
Room too small?
Yeah.
She saw Vala's fucking top hat in the same room as he was.
She was like, wait, are you guys sharing this room?
What the fuck's going on here?
No, Sharon.
Oh, look at her.
We're hanging off the bed.
No, what happened?
What happened when she saw the room?
Why didn't the room seal the deal?
Something happened in that room.
You got her up to the room and then nothing.
Well, the excuse for getting out of the room, I mean, we had just worked 15 hours at a hot ass theater.
I wanted to shower and change for the evening.
And then so you brought her up.
You showered and changed.
You let him live that life.
No, no.
Let's see.
Let's see.
So you showered?
You showered.
Did she shower with you?
Nope.
So she just got ready for the bed.
She got ready for the night.
Yeah.
We were just drinking.
Just an old marriage couple.
I wasn't pretending to be married.
I tried, but you already invited her out to eat dinner.
Hold on.
Hold on.
She wanted to go out.
She wanted to go out.
What was the violence to get her into the shower?
I got it, brother.
There was not going to be any way.
No, no, no.
There was no way that you were going to be able to do that.
You got into the room and your brain is starting to work.
You're starting to truffle and you're like, how can I get her into the shower?
What'd you say?
We're like, no, no, no, no.
Oh, someone dropped.
I took a shower after I realized I was doing the best.
Nothing was going to happen.
Let me go see what's in the shower.
No, hold on.
I took a shower change after I realized nothing was going to happen anyway.
So it's like, all right, may as well shower and change.
Just feel comfortable.
So you tried to like make out.
You went for the little makeout?
No, the makeouts all happened.
Oh, you were just making out?
I'm a makeout machine.
Left and right.
Left and right.
Welcome to middle high school.
Middle high school.
It's a little weekend, bro.
I was stressed.
All right.
Holy shit.
I almost said the wrong thing.
I thought that was a New York thing.
I thought that was a New York thing.
I just assume you guys do this.
Do not hit that.
We are leaving that in.
Everybody at home.
Everybody at home.
So far, Alice said, gynecological and middle high school.
It was a long weekend, bro.
Yeah, I was really stressed.
You had too much time to think of that sentence.
That's a lot.
The sentence was building for a while.
And he was like, man, I'm going to fuck up one of these words.
I only got five to get out.
I know I'm going to fuck up one of them.
I was a hip shooter, bro.
As long as he's just coming off the hips.
Super natural.
Super natural.
All right.
But yeah.
Thank you guys, everybody in Austin.
Thank you, Comic Dynamics, man.
Thank you to the whole squad, man.
It was very, very cool to see everybody's hard work come together and make shit happen.
And yes, go ahead.
Do you have a different opinion of Austin now that you've been there on a weekend?
Yeah, way better.
Austin, yeah, way better.
We saw a different side of Austin.
It's not that what we liked about Dallas.
Like, I think there's like a bouginess in Dallas that's kind of fun.
And like, we're old and we like comfortable things.
But there is like a hip scene there that is fun and I would say unique.
Yeah.
You know, like even the Soho House place, you guys fucking love Soul House.
But like going into it, it didn't feel like fucking the Soho House in New York or the one in LA.
It kind of felt like his own thing.
And that little neighborhood where it was on, what was the name of that street?
South Congress.
South Congress was cool.
Yeah.
I thought it was really cool.
Shout out to Golden Tiger also.
That place was good.
Yeah, they hooked us up.
Yeah, they really did.
So, yeah, yeah.
Vala's never had a meal he liked the entire time he's been on this guy.
He's so like he likes the meals.
But he's never had a fucking, he've never been in a restaurant that he's enjoyed the meal.
It's unbelievable.
Not a single one.
It's either the meal or the service, but he's got to complain about it.
He's got to find something.
Listen, we have the most Jewish guy ever with us, and the Muslim's the one that complains about the fucking service the whole time.
It's a fact, dude.
You're making up for it.
I don't think Dove ever complains.
He just gets money back.
He'll never say a single thing, right?
This is strategy.
He'll never complain about a single thing.
He'll wait and then get it all back.
The savings come dripping in.
Fucking genius.
That's dessert.
But yeah, thank you guys.
Thank you guys all.
You guys absolutely fucking killed it, man, for real.
Mark, Al.
Absolutely.
Dove, absolutely.
Vala stepping in.
Vala manned one of the fucking cameras.
You had to learn how to use the camera that day.
Yeah.
Like, I don't even know if you knew you were going to man in the camera.
I didn't.
Well, good.
Vala loves finding hot chicks on.
Bro, it was unreal, dude.
There's no show.
It's just some random girl giggling the top of her titties that fucking look like the cup from Jurassic Park.
It's literally the whole thing.
I could hear the guy over the intercon being like, oh, great shot, Val.
Yeah, we can move off of them.
When I was there, all I heard was Vala focus.
It wasn't even the camera.
It was like, Vala, focus.
Vala, focus, focus on the show.
All you did was a great shot, Vala.
Anyway, it was really awesome to see you guys step up and just fucking kill it.
And I know that this is something that we do regularly, but not on this scale.
And to have people working beneath you that have decades of experience more than you and have all those people really trust your decisions and have all those people, you know, listen to you and respect you.
I thought it was really important.
Like if you guys said something, then it happened.
And yeah, I don't know.
I was just super proud of you, man.
And I felt really excited to deliver on those shows, not only for selfish reasons, but also for you guys.
You guys put a lot of time into this as well.
And we spoke about this a little the other night, but like you guys have put in so many hours.
You know what I mean?
We're talking about years that we've all developed this, man.
And this has been such a fucking collaborative process.
And I would have felt horrible if I didn't deliver for all the time that you guys put into it.
So it was really cool to feel proud of what was put out there.
And it was really cool to see you guys, you know, excel in those moments.
No, you did your things and you fucking killed it.
Thank you, bro.
It was sick.
But if you bombed, I would have taken it personally.
100%.
You would have let me down.
I'd be saying that.
I'm like, how could you do this to me?
How could you bomb and do this to me and my family?
I would have been living, but I'm glad you didn't.
All right, guys, we got to take a break, Versain, because I got to make sure your dicks are getting hard.
Ladies, I got to make sure your dicks are getting hard too.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't know how y'all identify.
You know what I mean?
You can be out there MMA fighting during the day and slang and dang-a-lang at night, ladies.
You know what I mean?
But your dick should be hard.
And it should be really hard.
And fellas, your dick should be hard.
I'm pointing at you right there just watching this podcast with a soft dick.
You could be watching it with a hard one.
Fat, gorgeous.
You know what I mean?
With the girth.
With the girth.
But in all seriousness, yo, you guys should have hard dicks.
And Blue Chew got your back, man.
Okay.
Same active ingredients.
It's inside Seattle's, Viagra, all that shit.
Okay.
But this is the chew.
It's the one we rock with.
You know what I mean?
The one we laid a pipe with.
We're laying it down with that blue chew.
And you can too for free.
Try it out.
Give your girl the night of her life.
She deserves it, ladies.
Y'all should try it out.
Let a man break that back.
Okay.
Let a man take some discs in your spine and smash them to smithereens.
Okay?
Yeah.
Bluechew.com.
Make sure you use the promo code Flagrant.
You get it for free.
You just got to pay $5 shipping.
There's nothing.
$5 shipping.
Okay.
Get your spinal cord.
Sever.
Let's get back to the show.
Serial Killer Or Just Energy00:16:07
Yo, the infamous tour.
We got the special in the can right now, and we are back on tour.
Vegas is sold out.
We'll see y'all coming up, not this weekend, but the weekend after that.
Then we're coming out to Kentucky, Louisville.
We don't think we've ever been to Kentucky.
First time.
Louisville, Kentucky.
Make sure you get that.
Then Cincinnati, Ohio, Ohio.
Pull the fuck up on us.
I don't care what part of Ohio you in.
Get your ass over there.
Then we're coming out to Philadelphia.
Philadelphia is sold out.
Indianapolis, there might be a couple tickets left.
Washington, D.C., first go sold out.
Few tickets left for the second one.
San Francisco, first show sold out.
Few tickets left for the second one.
San Francisco, by the way, they are doing mandatory vaccs for that venue because your city is a bunch of fucking cucks.
But those are the fucking rules of the venue, not of me.
Okay?
So stop taking that shit out on me.
All right.
I don't make these decisions.
I don't decide what happens in your states.
I wish I did because I'd probably cut it off and just send it out into the fucking ocean, that stupid city.
But I don't make those decisions.
Madison, Wisconsin, we coming for you.
Then Chicago, Chicago, we got a late show as well.
Make sure you get that shit.
Early shows sold out.
And then we got Minneapolis, a bunch of shows.
Fargo, Jacksonville, and then Boston for New Year's.
Go get them fucking tickets.
We love y'all.
We appreciate that.
Also, make sure you check out Akash Singh and the Moon Tower Comedy Festival this week.
And make sure you check out his other shows at Akashing.com.
I know he's selling out them shows in Toronto.
So he's selling out other places.
Make sure you go check him out.
Support him.
Absolutely hilarious.
And then support us.
Come check out Mark Gagnon.
Check out Derek Poston.
Check out Alex Media.
Check out Dove Mammon.
Check out Valaldinho.
All on the infamous tour.
We're having fun out there.
We love y'all.
We appreciate y'all, man.
Whoa.
Hey, head over to WTFmediastudios.com.
You can book time for podcasting, book time for photo shoots.
You can even book consults with me or Weezy.
Head over to WTFmedia.com.
I'm sorry, WTF Mediastudios.com.
And now back to the show.
All right, boys, let's get into it.
There's this YouTuber, Gabby.
Gabby Petito.
Petito.
Okay.
She is with her boyfriend.
Fiancé, Brian Landry.
Fiancé, Brian Landry.
It's fun for you to try to get it, and then I'll correct you as you go.
Okay.
Yeah, let's go.
Let's go based on what I think it is, and then you tell me the truth.
Absolutely fun.
So she was doing some Rihanna shit to him.
Allegedly.
I mean, like, scratching him up, fighting him while he's driving in the car.
That's what you call Rihanna shit.
Yeah.
She started it.
Yeah.
Allegedly.
And Chris didn't finish it in the same way.
Chris kind of elevated it in an unhealthy way.
Chris had more restraint than Mr. Landry.
That's probably true.
Yeah, which they're both wrong.
We just want to say that they're both wrong.
Yeah.
Right?
But they did react.
Yeah, they did react.
Yeah.
And, you know, some scientists say that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
Right.
Right.
Well, sometimes it's more.
Sometimes the reaction is even more.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Yeah.
I mean, that's a lot of danger, isn't it?
Sometimes it's less.
Sometimes it's less.
That's Newton.
Don't be mad at Andrew.
Be mad at Isaac Newton.
That's on him.
Exactly.
If you're not in the frame right now, you agree with everything.
I'll caution Alice.
I'll caution Al.
Support the abuse and murder of women.
Fuck Isaac Newton.
I know you guys can't help to get the jokes off of that.
Like, oh, no, it's good.
Okay, so basically, she was beating the shit out of her boyfriend.
I don't know what order it happened.
It might have been self-defense on her part.
That she beat him up out of self-defense.
Well, this is what I'm hearing.
So you tell me, you tell me.
You tell me, okay?
Because I was following the story.
I was rooting for this dude in the beginning.
It's hard to not root for the dude in the beginning.
Yeah, no, no.
In the beginning, I was rooting.
Again, we're really focused on the special.
Dove's trying to get pussy.
You know what I mean?
It's a lot of things.
I was not focused on any dudes.
Exactly.
I mean, it would be nice if you focus on one dude for once in your life.
Those girls was acting like fucking Brian Laundrie.
Dude, get the fuck away from me.
Put me in jail for a night.
So basically, he's fighting his girl in the woods in a car, right?
Got scratches all over him, fucking bleeding because his girl's abusing him.
Yeah, and we know this from police footage of when they got pulled over.
They got pulled over, police footage, people saying, Brian Laundrie, what's his name?
As Laundry.
Laundry.
Yeah.
Brian Laundry asked the police, yo, can you just put me in jail for one night, please?
Because this chick is wilding.
My man said, put me in prison, please.
Like, he would rather be in jail with other fucking criminals.
Yeah.
Right?
I mean, he really wanted to be in prison.
Like, he knew.
You know what I mean?
This guy really wanted to go to jail.
Yeah.
He's about to get his wish.
Yeah.
Right?
Probably for life.
Okay.
So then it turns out that shouts to no, not now.
It's a weird time to a plug.
Yeah, especially for a guy that.
Kill Cliff is the name of the name of the part of the park.
It's the name of the part of the park where it went down, probably.
Okay?
Now, shout out to Izzy.
Izzy got a new drink.
Kill Cliff.
It's a weird time for a plug.
Tequila Kiwi, baby.
Tequila Kiwi.
Okay.
Don't go to the national park with your girlfriend.
For a guy that fights for a living.
I don't know if this is the best time for a plug.
You're right.
You're right.
This is bad.
Okay.
But yeah, this is very, this is probably the wrong time.
But tequila, tequila, tequila.
Judge just started drinking.
He's like, I'm tapped out of this.
Tapped out.
Huh?
Okay.
See what we're doing here?
Okay.
So the guy tries to tap out.
He tries to go to jail.
He tries to go to jail.
He's really serious.
This woman's a victim of a homicide.
So that's beyond.
Dude, he literally tries to go to jail.
He's like, if I'm with this girl, I'm going to kill her.
And I can't.
I cannot do that.
I cannot do that.
So I need you to put me in prison.
Instead, he goes to a motel, right?
Like, that's in his mind, the next closest thing.
Right?
Stays in the motel.
She stays in the van.
The next day, they get it on and popping again.
Yeah.
And then what happens?
Shorty goes missing?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She goes, and then he goes back to Florida.
Yeah.
And he just goes back to Florida like, oh, she didn't get back?
Like, he had no plan.
Like, he had no plan for how, you know, he was going to explain this.
Like, he just pulled up and he was like, oh, shit.
Yeah.
Fuck.
Where's Cindy?
Wasn't it?
Gabby.
Where's Gabby?
Yeah.
Is Gabby not in the show?
He's driving the van.
Yeah.
He's driving the van they lived in.
Where's the van?
He shows up with their house, basically.
He was like on YouTube.
Like, I thought she wasn't posting no videos recently.
This is weird.
I thought there was something wrong with my subscription.
Who was I talking to this whole time?
Yo.
No water shouldn't want to drive.
I thought she was sleeping the whole time.
I was like, can you drive for once?
All right.
I wish I was there when he just showed up to the house and his parents were like, yeah, so where's Gabby?
And he was like, oh, Gabby.
What does she look like?
Yeah.
Describe her again.
That YouTube person.
I know that name.
I know that name for sure.
Gabby.
Okay, so he shows up, goes to the fam, and then dips.
So he told the fan what happened.
But then at that point, she's already reported missing.
And they know where he is, and he's now a person of interest, but he's not actually the main suspect at that point, which is weird.
Like, he should have been the main suspect off rep. Well, wasn't there another thing that recently happened in that park where two people went missing?
So that's another weird element of the story that the bar that they went to the night before she went missing.
Okay.
There were two other people that got killed at their campsite that were also at that bar.
This is like Serpent.
Yeah.
I don't know what that is.
You know that show Serpent?
It was on Netflix?
No.
It doesn't matter.
There's a lot like it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So basically, they're like, okay, these two people got murdered that were at the bar and now this girl goes missing.
This could be a serial killer.
Now that we found out, she's also, she was found dead and they found her body.
And the autopsy was a confirmed homicide.
Netflix is salivating.
They are dying for that connection.
If it's not a connection, it's not as sexy.
But if there's a serial killer that's on the loop, I mean, they'll do an episode.
They're going to do it.
One episode.
But a serial killer, that's a whole season.
That's multiple seasons.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Anyway.
And now the kid has gone missing as well.
How did they find the body?
I think they just did like a search team with like hundreds of people in the area where she was reported missing.
And she was reported missing by that bar.
She was reported missing by her family because they hadn't had contact with her since like September 1st.
And then once they found out that the kid was back home and they were like, hey, where's Gabby?
He was like, oh, I thought she was back with you guys.
I'm not sure.
Blah, blah.
That's when they reported her missing.
And does she live in Florida?
The family?
I'm not sure.
I know she's from New York, but I don't know if her family's from in Florida or not.
His family's from Florida.
So he killed her by her family?
What do you mean?
Like, how did she die?
I think her family's house, they live up the block, right?
Oh, I think her family, I don't know where like her family lived in.
They made it all the way back to Florida and then he kills her?
No, her body's found in Wyoming.
Oh, so her family's in Wyoming?
No, I think her family's in New York.
Mark?
Mark?
What?
Do you know what the fuck you're saying?
He lives in Florida.
Yes, his family lives in Florida.
Yeah.
You said they found her.
You said they found her near where her family lives.
They search where, that's what you said.
No, no, where she was reported missing.
And how did they know that she was reported missing?
Because that's where they last had contact with her.
Where?
In Wyoming.
Wyoming.
At the bar.
Where they were camping, yeah.
Okay.
Got it.
Fucking hell.
But I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure her family lives in Florida also.
Okay.
Because they saw the van was back and they're like, yo, how the vans back?
But not my daughter or whatever the fuck was, yeah.
So that's what happened.
Dude, my dude drove all the way back from Wyoming to Florida all that time by himself and didn't have no plan or alibi, nothing.
He didn't report anything to police.
He didn't hit them up at all.
He didn't say he's innocent.
Go on that.
So he's innocent because they arguing like crazy.
This is supposed to be some fun ass, um, you know, country trip, whatever the case is.
Only white people do this, by the way.
Like, I don't get why you guys do this cross-country trips in a car.
Like, why?
Well, how do you guys do it?
No, you just fly to your destination.
That's it.
What are you talking about?
What do you mean?
Like, you guys just hacked it.
It was the Underground Railroad.
Yeah, bro.
There's 10,000.
There's 10,000 Haitians under a bridge in Texas right now.
Yeah, they didn't fly there.
That's different.
Nah, they've been talking about it.
Y'all think you're better than fun?
Go to Africa.
What are they doing right there?
Camping.
Camping.
Nah, they got houses.
They got houses.
Of course, they got houses, but they also got camping too.
A lot of camping.
You've never been in the bush?
Yeah.
They got a huge REI outlet, bro.
They love it over there.
Son.
They camp crazy.
I don't like bushes.
I like his shave.
Go to the go to the Amazon, bro.
They got bushed out down there too.
Yo, black people not a camp, bro.
Maybe the people were the first campers.
Maybe the best campers.
White people didn't fucking camp.
Black people had to understand camping.
Oh, so you took our shit.
And then we was like, oh, we had to build houses and shit because it was so fucking cold where we went.
Yeah.
Regardless.
I'm just saying.
They cross-country tripping.
Oh, shit.
We did take your shit.
I see what you're saying.
Getting back into it.
Yeah.
Yes, we did.
So now we're off that.
So now she's arguing with him.
Like, how can you not be upset living in a van?
Yeah.
Like, that shit is, and then you have no place to go.
The only time you can get out is when you got to take a piss or some shit like that on them.
Apparently, they weren't engaged and then got unengaged and then went on the van trip.
Oh, to kind of like reignite their relationship.
Something like that.
Or to plan a murder.
I mean, maybe.
I mean, what I don't understand is it seems like she was really angry at him.
They reconcile and then he kills her.
Nah.
I think they broke up and he's like, fuck it, I'm out.
You get home by yourself.
And then somebody else killed her.
Oh, same person who killed the other two people.
Oh, my God.
Who's going to just come back like it's all good?
Yo, it could be a serial killer.
It could be the same person from the ball.
And now she's alone.
And now he got scared.
He's like, oh, shit.
I obviously look like the killer.
So now I'm going to go on the run.
Is he still on the run?
Yeah, yeah, he's still on.
So it's like, he's just scared right now because he came back like shit's all good because he thought she'd be back too.
And he probably feels guilty if that's the case.
That he's like, yo, I left this girl that I was dating that maybe I'm in love with.
I abandoned her and now she's dead.
He might have left her right on the side of the road.
He might have been like, I'm out, peace.
And then she dies that fucking night.
So he is kind of responsible, but he didn't actually kill her.
Yes.
If that's the case.
If that's the case.
And now he's scared because he looks like the prime suspect.
And so now he's on the run.
I don't understand that one.
Because he looks like the prime suspect.
Everybody thinks he killed her.
But if you know you didn't, you good.
How do you prove it?
I'm sure there's ways.
How?
I mean, maybe however she's strangled, maybe his hand isn't big enough.
If the hand doesn't fit, he must have quit.
I know, but I'm just saying, as a young kid, like you get nervous and your first thing is like, yo, I'm out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so, yeah, now he looks even more like that.
And that makes sense why he didn't text her or anything like that in between Wyoming and going home.
Yeah, they broke up.
It's like, fuck this bitch.
Fuck this bitch.
I don't want to talk to her.
And then he's probably typed the whole way home.
Like, oh, you just go not call me.
You know what I mean?
Like, he's, oh, this bitch really over me.
It's the rap.
The relationship is done.
But then you would think, again, I don't know what he told the family, like what he told her family, but you'd think he would just be like, yeah, I left her there and we got in a fight.
I shouldn't have done it, but I had nothing to do with her disappearance.
But I don't know if he said that.
Whose van was it?
I don't know.
I don't know who actually owned it.
If it's her van, he killed her.
Isn't it Girl with a Van?
Isn't that the name of the YouTube channel?
I think so.
I'm actually not sure.
If he took the van, if he took the van, he did it.
Yes.
100%.
I didn't know that it was her band.
If it's her band, then he's a dummy.
Yeah.
All right, guys.
Most of y'all are going to start fast forwarding right now.
So I'm going to say it really quick.
My bookie.
I got it.
Got it for y'all.
Fast forward.
Mybookie.ag is in the motherfucking bail down.
Okay.
We making money this weekend.
You know, we got UFC.
You know, we got football.
You know, we got the things to gamble on, baby.
Okay.
Sweet cheeks.
Some of y'all got sweet cheeks out there.
Wah, wah.
Both of them cheeks.
Sweet, delicious.
And you should be making money, sweet cheeks.
Okay.
You should be taking them sweet cheeks to the bank.
And you could do that shit when you're using mybookie.ag when you're putting that money up on these games or these fights.
That's what I use.
You know what else I do?
I make sure I put that promo code in flagrant because they're going to match that initial deposit up to $1,000.
How sweet are them cheeks now, sweet cheeks?
Your cheeks could be so sweet if you just go to mybookie.ag, okay?
And then you let them match that initial deposit bonus after putting that promo code in flagrant.
Look how brilliant that shit is.
Okay.
This UFC card, we got five main card bouts, including two title fights.
Are you kidding me?
The octagon is not going to stay drive for long.
That shit is going to be soaked.
Absolutely soaked.
Okay.
Like the sheets in a hotel bed in Paris.
I don't know.
Nick Diaz is back, baby.
Robbie Lawler, probably going to get dropped again, but shouts to him.
Okay.
You could do this and more if you go to mybookie.ag.
Make sure you use that promo code Flagrant and use that money, that extra money to make even more money.
Keep them cheeks sweet.
Let's get back to the show.
Or they got in a big argument.
He freaks out, kills her, and then goes, oh shit, I accidentally killed my girlfriend.
What do I do?
Kills her.
Like, you think he pushes her and like she fell on wood or something like that?
Some shit like that.
Like, yeah, they get in a fight.
He punches her and all of a sudden she hits her head and is bleeding out.
And he's like, oh, God damn it.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
So I don't know if it's premeditated, but he's like a fucking maniac that killed her.
And then he's like, oh, fuck.
I got to do something.
That's what I think.
And what about the other two people from the bar that were killed?
I think coincidence.
It was the same week.
Apparently, it was like the same night, apparently, as well.
Not coincidence, bro.
Viral White Girl Fears00:05:12
Because it's not like the same exact area.
Because they were at the bar and then they camped over here.
And then her body was found an other place.
Like it wasn't like super close, but someone could have done it in the same night.
I guess it also depends what the mode of like death was.
If all three people were killed in the same way, then it leads more credence to that theory.
But we don't know necessarily how.
Maybe the guy had a lot of energy.
You think maybe he did?
You think maybe he was drinking Cokel?
Stupid.
Maybe, maybe he had a lot of energy that night.
Yeah.
Nice.
Okay.
That was crazy, bro.
You're going to give me a product to promote.
I just don't get promoted.
There's a perfect spot in our show for this.
Watch this.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Everybody's super excited about this story.
Why do you think?
I think it's the perfect.
I mean, I've heard different things.
You know, some people are saying, like, I heard some fox or some news correspondent basically being like, oh, this is missing white woman syndrome.
And like, anytime a white, this is like the Patrice bit.
Like, anytime a white woman goes missing, like, everyone goes crazy.
Yeah, exactly.
A pretty white woman.
Yeah, exactly.
If a pretty white woman goes missing, it's just the biggest story.
Everyone feasts over it, blah, blah, blah.
I think it's kind of that, but I also think it's more that you have like an influential, like, it's the perfect marriage between true crime and like this parasocial influencer relationship because they both had like a digital footprint.
Like, hey, Van Life, like they had TikToks going viral.
Like they had this like digital like place in this relationship with people and then she goes missing.
Yeah.
So it's like the perfect marriage between these like two massive internet cultures that makes the story just go.
So you have enough followers and enough curiosity from people to like drive interest to the story.
And enough digital content.
Yeah.
Another thing, what is it called?
The kindling for a fire.
Yeah.
Like you need there at least to be some baseline interests in order for like the regular news corporations to pick it up.
You know, it's almost like the news corporations are like a fast fashion.
By the time something hits Zara, it's already been popular amongst the more independent small brands.
And I feel like that's kind of what happens with this.
So funny, like now I'm looking at these, now I'm looking at these like social moments.
And it's kind of like fucked up, but I look at social moments like purely based on like optics and I can try to like judge whether it's gonna quote unquote succeed or go viral or not.
And there was one, I don't know if you guys saw this one, but it was a mother with her kid in Australia protesting the lockdowns.
I'm pretty sure it was protesting lockdowns.
And they start to arrest her.
Her kid is fucking bawling, crying.
She's just standing there protesting the lockdowns with like, I guess they're supposed to be inside, but she's got like a sign on her, like, you have constitutional rights or something.
I'm sure I'm butchering the story.
So Australians, you know, whatever, I apologize.
Or actually, don't say shit, Australians.
You do what you're told.
But the kid is bawling.
Yeah.
The mom is crying.
The people around are, and it's a female officer that's starting to like put her in handcuffs and like put her in the back of the car.
But like just the image of the kid crying, the mother crying, the people around going, how could you separate a child from the woman who's videotaping saying to the female cop, aren't you a mother?
Right.
And instead of looking at this and be like, this is so tragic.
What's going to happen to the kid?
I'm going, oh, this is the perfect recipe.
Like, this is going viral.
Like, I'm literally seeing the thumbnails, the kid crying, screaming, the mom screaming, and the image of the female cop that's actually starting it.
Yeah.
Like, you know that either she has kids or like nieces or nephews.
She's betraying her maternal instinct.
Her maternal instinct, dude.
Oh, I'm like, yeah, this shit is out of here, bro.
It's got to be out of here.
I think it's the same thing with this story.
Yeah.
It's like, I don't know.
It's partially like the missing white woman thing, but I also think white chicks go missing all the time.
Well, I think there's another aspect to it because it's not like missing like white hooker, right?
This is like a way more relatable white girl.
Yeah, she's a suburban white chick that lives in an upper middle class family.
It's like, yeah.
Yeah.
And I think we just got to acknowledge that like they're just way more whites.
So a lot of these things are just numbers.
Like I guess people, like in the same way that I saw Asians show up for Jeremy Lynn with the Knicks, like that was really special for them.
They were at the garden every single game for Lynn's sanity, just going fucking nuts because you saw that representation.
So when it comes to like true crime or it comes to things that like scare us, right?
You're scared of the thing that's being represented.
Yeah.
Right.
So it's like, I think the white girl is going, I'm afraid of white girls getting kidnapped and killed in the fucking forest.
And if the purpose of media is to try to terrify people to get you to watch it, it's like, yeah, let's just do the thing that closely resembles you to get you the most scared.
Yes.
Yeah.
Right.
So like, I'm sure like in a way, get out or those movies, like, I'm sure that black people related to the racist situations within those movies in a way that white people didn't.
So it was like really special.
Because I think maybe that, and again, don't let me speak for you, but like there's that like skepticism in a social environment.
Yeah.
Initially.
Yeah.
And it taps into that really well.
So you're like, is this a good white dude or is he putting some shit on?
Yeah.
And that's probably a fear y'all have.
Terrifying Forest Stories00:14:32
Right.
Like, and this is the worst case scenario.
That's like, oh, shit, the nicest ones are actually trying to kidnap me and like use all of whatever I have so that they can live long, whatever.
This is that for white girls.
Yeah.
I'm with my boyfriend.
We're on a fun trip.
I want to take trips with my boyfriend.
Yeah, we're being adventurous.
And then he turns on me, the person I trusted most.
Yes.
So of course girls are going to fucking lose their minds.
Yeah, you're right.
And the social footprint that like you can dig into like, you can do all your own internet.
You can see their relationship.
You can be like, oh, he said this on July 12th, and I feel like it's actually a veil thing.
Oh, my God.
Because now people are saying that he was posting from her account for like two weeks.
And they're like, well, if you look at actually the spelling and the language, like she would never say this.
So they get to solve a murder.
This is wow.
This is it.
This is in real time.
Yeah, Dungeons and Dragons or some shit.
Like, they actually get to play the game.
It's a murder mystery.
Yes.
But you know what I'm saying?
Like, they actually get.
Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons?
Say what?
Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons?
I did that shit one time, bro.
I don't think it works.
I did.
I swear I did it one time.
What happened?
And then I just beat this shit out of all those dorks.
I was like, I'm not rolling these die no more, dog.
So I was going to die.
Watch this.
Here we go.
No, I actually did play one time.
And this shit was mad fun.
Yeah, it's fire.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I forget what it was, but exactly the situation.
But I remember being there.
Remember, like, die.
I remember choosing like you get to be one of the character.
Yeah.
You kind of make up the rules as you go and you all have to kind of like agree on that shit.
Oh, I didn't know that.
It was probably bodying me on that shit.
But it was fun.
If you play like a long campaign, it's like all these people like mutually agreeing.
I'm just like, all right, this is what the rules are now.
Really?
That's fucking crazy, man.
Yeah.
So this is when you were in your phase of like dressing up and going on mysteries and shit like that.
Okay.
This is DaVinci.
He sent me to a basement nerd, so I didn't get in fucking trouble.
Okay.
With DaVinci Code, I was actually solving the mystery.
That was my fucking true crime.
That was my true crime.
That was the Gabriel Petto.
You're like, yeah.
And Dan Brown has a new fucking show coming out on Peacock.
Okay.
Sucked it.
Sucked it, bro.
I'm watching that shit.
I'm watching that shit.
Peacock, like it's a big shit.
That's coming off.
Peacock.
Peacock, bro.
That's NBC, dog.
That's the motherfucking Peacock.
Yeah.
Good luck.
Was that the NBC sound?
Yeah.
It was really?
Yeah.
Oh, I don't remember it.
Peacock.
This is different.
Oh, what is Peacock?
I didn't know that.
No, no.
Peacock is fired.
Did you know that the CIA sealed a document that there is a portal linking to another?
Fuck, I forgot what else it said.
It's like the starting screen of the episode.
In 1991, the CIA sealed a document confirming that there was a portal to another galaxy.
Bro, this is why you can never be a full conspiracy theorist because you'd be forgetting too much shit.
Nah, because I can't be reading the whole shit.
You know what I mean?
Give me the bites, bro.
Like, I like the bites.
But that conspiracy stuff, like looking through documents all the time.
Yeah, you're not as much of a researcher.
Nah, bro.
I got Dungeons and Dragons to play.
D D. Do you know what the always been into double D's?
Soup heavies.
The soup heavies.
Dan Brown's new show is called The Lost Symbol, and it's about an early symbologist, Robert Langdon.
Yeah.
In the day.
Son, yes.
Peacock.
Son Peacock.
You know what's going to be that?
You get other books?
I don't care.
You don't like symbology, bro?
Nah.
You're not into symbology.
This guy hates symbols, bro.
Dude, why hate symbols so much, bro?
Come on, bro.
There's so many secrets that are hidden in the symbols, dude.
You need a symbologist.
There might be secrets in this room, right?
There might be secrets.
You know, why do you think Flagrant is written in cursive?
Why do you think cursive even exists?
Who made cursive?
Yeah.
Why do you think human beings are mostly right-handed?
The Knights Templar.
That's all.
I thought he had a few more.
He's like, fuck, fuck him, write it out.
Son, I just be coming with bars, bro.
Yo, do they still make kids write in cursive in school?
Nah.
You don't know how to write cursive, dog.
That's what you guys do.
That shit is stupid.
Really?
Yeah, cursive is trash.
I tried to write that shit.
Yeah, when was the last time you wrote something?
In cursive?
Just on paper.
My hand gets tired writing.
Really?
Yeah.
If I'm writing anything long, it starts to get tired.
Really?
When's the last thing you wrote on paper, dog?
God, on paper.
I don't know.
I actually like to write notes on paper.
Oh, so fairly recently?
Yeah, fairly recently.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I've never been on paper on him.
I'd be right in, bro.
Now, my, what's it called?
Is trash?
Young Dan Brown over here, dude.
Say what?
Young Dan Brown.
I am young Dan Brown.
Dan Brown is a fucking lege, bro.
Yeah, he's nice.
Dude, that guy.
We're watching his show on Peacock.
What's in it?
What's the name of it?
The Lost Robert Langdon.
Yeah.
The lost symbol.
The lost motherfucking symbol.
Oh, that's the thing I was going to tell you, guys, real quick.
So I was learning about Genghis Khan.
Do you want to button up Gabby Petito?
Okay, it's a tragic murderer.
Well, I'm talking about the best murderer.
I'm trying to blend it all together.
Do you know what I mean?
Because what I learned from Genghis Khan is that as long as you like win and you do it for long enough, you're not a murderer.
It's an empire.
You know what I mean?
Like, if you just raid somebody, you kill some people, and then you die, you're a murderer.
You're an animal.
But if you run shit for like 100 years, it's just called an empire.
And then you're exalted for being like the most incredible leader of the time.
Like the way I watch these YouTube videos of Genghis Khan.
Isn't that interesting?
There's that quote.
It's like, you kill one person, you're a murderer, kill a million, you're a ruler or some shit.
Yeah.
Dude.
And then the guy goes, oh, yeah, you know, Genghis Khan.
Yeah, there was that one time where like he defeated this tribe and boiled all the men alive.
But mainly he was remembered for the post service that he developed.
They developed a post service that predated the fucking Romans or whatever the hell it is, right?
Like it didn't exist in Europe for hundreds of years.
And the guy was just making this argument for what an amazing leader Genghis Khan was.
And there's no doubt he was an amazing leader.
But that's what the fuck happens with time.
As long as you win, time just shines brightly on all the great shit you did.
So basically, Hitler's mistake was that he didn't kill enough people.
So here's the thing.
You knew that was coming.
No, no, no.
It actually made me think about Hitler and the importance of defeating Hitler.
If you don't defeat Hitler and he ends up running the world and it is the German empire, people will look back on him like they looked at Genghis.
You don't think Genghis was Hitler?
Yeah, probably worse.
Everybody looked at Genghis like Hitler.
You know what I'm saying?
Like he was wiping out fucking tribes.
And it's not like people are like, oh, he was such a fucking great, what is it called?
Geopolitical strategist.
No, he just boiled people alive if they lost.
So everybody was like, I think we should probably go along with him because otherwise you get boiled alive.
I don't get boiled alive.
Yeah, that's the worst.
But what an interesting way.
But like, isn't that crazy?
Like, interesting way to look at time?
Yeah.
Like, how much we value winning, how much we value success, that we can overlook the monstrosities that you committed.
I mean, every empire is built on the blood of the people that was defeated before it.
You know what I mean?
Like, we're Americans, like, we benefit from America.
And we don't pass all those, bro.
Yo, talk about China or something.
They do something to the Muslims association.
And if they kill us, then people are going to remember this.
Do you recognize Taiwan?
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Say with your chest, boy.
What's up, Taiwan?
There we go.
Do you recognize it as a country?
Yeah, Taiwan.
If you're listening, what's up?
You're a country.
No, no, no, no.
You can kick that as good.
WTF media students.
You're going to show up tomorrow night.
WTF.
WTF, you talking about Taiwan for?
That's what WTF.
Yo, I can't wait to do one of these panels with an actor.
The only time I would go on a late night show is if I knew for a fact the actor was going to be sitting next to me.
Yeah.
And then in the middle of the interview, one of these fucking stupid hosts is just asking me about shit.
So, what is it like being on the road?
I'm like, no, that's pretty cool.
Yo, you recognize Taiwan just now?
How fucking fun would that be?
That's all I'm going to do when I meet celebs from me.
Do you recognize Taiwan?
Can I tell you how proud I am?
It's on Oxford.
It's on Oxford.
No, Put it back on me.
Put it back on me.
I recognize Taiwan before he changes the answer.
I recognize Taiwan before he.
I love recognizing Taiwan.
Taiwan is my favorite thing to recognize.
Do you recognize Taiwan, Alex?
Nope.
Al, what?
Nope.
Wow.
Get my foot.
I don't even know where it is.
The shoe recognizes Taiwan.
Wow.
Big time.
Did they make it?
Taiwan recognizes that shoe.
I've seen this shoe before.
I was almost about to do the accent.
I was this close.
I thought you were going to do it.
And then you did white accent, which is more racist.
Why would you make people who don't sound like that sound like you?
I was trying to do an Asian accent.
That was your best Asian accent.
I'm a really bad Asian accent.
If you just bring the bun up a little higher, I'm like Genghis Khan.
Let it rip.
But for real, man, we need to start recognizing Taiwan and Genghis Khan.
Yeah.
And how are you going to tie this back into the tragic death of Gabby Petito?
If this guy kills enough people, okay, right now he's only killed one.
All right, so we've got a few more topics.
Possibly three.
Oh, shit.
He could have been the one that killed the other ones, too.
They saw it.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, yeah.
So if he leaves.
Oh, my God.
They saw it.
Wipes them all out.
The kid's on a roll.
Listen.
It's one step at a time, right?
Isn't that a famous quote?
But you have to take one step if you want to take a lot of steps.
Journey of a thousand miles.
Exactly.
Starts with one murder.
Starts with one murder.
Okay.
You want to go fast, you go alone.
You want to go far.
Take the van.
Murder.
Take the van.
All right.
So it's a tragic disappearance that happened to this girl.
It is absolutely tragic what happened to this girl.
Yeah.
And it is absolutely tragic.
What happened at Gabby Petito?
And this is great.
This is actually excellent.
I'm being honest with you.
This is actually fucking unbelievable.
Flavor is good.
Only 20 calories.
Will that wake you up?
I'm not getting paid to promote this.
I just want to let you guys know.
I hope not.
I hope not.
We're not making any, but this is just off the strength.
No one's making money on that.
I'm just saying.
Shout out to Izzy, bro.
Slash stylebender.
You're saying that Brian Laundry, and I don't want to speak for you.
I don't want to put words in your mouth.
Please, you're suggesting if he were to potentially kill millions of people in America, that he could rule America and then not be seen as a murderer.
I think that's his only way out.
Just keep going.
I think the only way out is in.
That's also another way out is in.
To get through hell, you got to keep go in.
Yeah.
And you have to get comfy in there.
That's another famous.
Yeah, that's Sun Tzu.
I think so.
Sun Tzu said that.
Oh, I almost did it, but I didn't do it.
I didn't do it because I don't know what an ancient accent of Asian people is.
You could sound like what we sound like.
Yeah, but you know, hey, Yashin, you know how we used to talk like that.
But like, maybe they have the Asian version of that.
Hey, hey there, Yashine.
Yeah.
There's some bad guys everywhere, you know.
But maybe they were also doing that.
Like, now have some duck sauce, you see?
Come on, bro.
This is a little dry.
You see?
I'll have some duck sauce and some soy sauce with that, you see?
Hiya.
You see?
Come on.
Come on now, you see?
Why do you think that's a good one?
Come on now, you see?
They're pretty good with that rent at WTF, you see?
Always on time.
I thought they were late, those people.
You see?
You see?
Never seen Taiwan in my life.
I don't see it, actually.
I don't see it at all, actually.
Yo, we got to ask the landlords at WTF if they recognize Taiwan.
Yeah.
We do have to do it.
I'm going to walk in there with a Taiwanese flag.
Do you want to call it right now?
I would love to call them.
I would love to call them.
That's such a bad idea.
Can we call them right now?
No, no, no.
Can we FaceTime them right now?
Son, he's a fan, or maybe he was a fan.
He was a fan.
He's still going to be a fan.
He has to recognize.
What kind of fan was he?
Was he?
Oh, Horace Shita.
Horace Sheeta.
What's going on?
Marca.
Monica, that was a crazy.
They get an old opera fan.
Hey, she is getting a little hot out of here.
We are cool and shit with no H.
I need some more H. Son, they need some of them fans in WTF.
That shit be getting hot, son.
When you ask if they have any fans, did they bring you a cardboard box of those or did they actually bring you?
How are you not panicking right now?
Because we don't know, baby.
We don't have punchle space at WTF meetings.
Do you recognize Taiwan or not?
I would have to find it on a map first.
Say what?
I would have to find it on a map.
You know where that shit is.
I don't know who it is.
It's over there.
Exactly.
It's over there.
Well, you can't even find it on a map.
I guarantee you put a map right up there.
I find Taiwan.
All right.
Make sure to mark it without labels.
Fucking dove snitch.
I knew this dumbass was going to bring up this map.
The one that said Taiwan.
How the fuck am I supposed to find it out?
If you thought the people looked the same, you should look at the terrain.
There's no way I'm going to be able to tell the difference.
You're tapping on Wyoming 100%.
No, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
I got this, yo.
Bring it up.
You got it?
You bring it up.
Al, stop squinting at the fucking.
You're more racist than me.
Wow, wow, don't worry about it.
You just looking at Asia like that.
That's fucked up, Al.
That's fucked up.
Al, you're wearing glasses.
I know you can see perfectly.
It's like, this guy is a wild boy, son.
All right, all right, all right.
There we go.
That's Alaska.
Come on, get it on.
That's Alaska.
Come on.
Labels.
There we go.
Labor, Labor, Labor.
Right there, right there.
Yeah.
Labor.
Labor.
Okay.
All right, go.
Go.
I ain't afraid of these.
I ain't afraid of these motherfuckers.
Come on.
I ain't afraid of these motherfuckers.
All right.
Where is it?
Andrew?
Taiwan is one of them?
No, I got it.
It's that little island off the gray shit.
Which one?
Which one?
The gray island.
Tell me up, down.
Respect Different Cultures Man00:06:58
Up.
Got him.
Nope.
Nope.
Yes.
Yeah, it is.
Yes.
Come on.
That's Taiwan.
I got it.
Did I not?
That's the Philippines.
I could say racist shit forever.
I could never be racist.
I just found Taiwan on a motherfucking map.
How'd you do it?
With no names.
Say what?
How'd you do that?
Because I know, bruh.
I know these things, dog.
I knew that they left.
They left the Mao Dynasty.
Yeah.
They left the Mao Dynasty or they were the last people who were mad.
They were reported missing.
They were reported missing after the Mao Dynasty.
Where is Brian Laundry?
Where was Brian Laundry in 1646?
He says no alibi for the Taiwan disappearance.
Alibaba?
No.
Listen, guys.
Listen.
I really got that shit, dog.
You did, you did.
I'm impressed.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
So I should be allowed to use Asian voice.
I don't know if any of us have licensed to give you that ability.
Why not?
Because none of us are Asian.
Chifty's Asian.
How Asian are you?
He just watches anime.
This doesn't make him Asian.
It does it?
No.
He's Asian enough, bro.
He's a weeb.
He's a weeboo.
You're a wee boo, son?
Are you a wee boo?
Oh, he's weeboo, son.
Dude, he's a fucking weeboo, dude.
It is true.
Sometimes you say his name and just at his desk, he just goes like this.
Yeah, should be a wee.
But listen, Asians, I just want to let you know.
I know where I listen.
All Asians, because I know all Asians are out there struggling under Chinese oppression.
All of them?
Well, not all of them.
But a lot of them.
Some, yeah.
Non-Chinese.
Yeah, maybe even Chinese.
And Chinese.
And also jellyfish.
What do you mean?
They're struggling under Chinese oppression.
How are they struggling?
Well, they're being eaten by them.
Jellyfish.
Yeah, they eat jellyfish.
What dish do they put jellyfish in?
In a bowl, I don't see how else you can eat it.
I'd imagine they'd exist in a bowl, Mark.
I don't think they're grilling them.
I don't think they're taking the fucking jellyfish and grilling them.
I don't think they eat jellyfish.
They eat jellyfish.
They eat everything.
I mean, I know they eat a lot of seafood, but I don't know if they eat jellyfish.
Of course, they eat jellyfish, bro.
Man of War, other ones?
The silver dollar pancake?
The Chinese have been eating jellyfish for thousands of years.
Son, when am I wrong about Asian stuff?
Can you tell me?
When am I wrong?
When am I wrong about Asian things?
Also, by the way, if you just say the Chinese eat it about most things, you're right.
There's not, like, there's a 99% chance.
Like, if you're like, yo, Chinese people eat paintings, they probably do, bro.
Like, they probably, in history, there's been a time where they eat paintings.
They do not eat paintings.
They might be.
You've seen any paintings.
Holy shit, dude.
Can we edit and get the special out first before all?
We're not sending the special to China, bro.
They're not allowed to have it.
Oh, man.
Son, they're not allowed to have it.
This is fucking crazy, bro.
It says here, Chinese people have been eating paintings for thousands of dollars.
That's insane.
I did not know that.
Yo, bro.
Come on.
Times was tough.
And you don't even know what went in that paint.
It could have been berries.
You know what I mean?
It could have been jellyfish.
Bro, you think that they were getting them nice, clear whites with that jellyfish?
That's just jellyfish juice, dog, on a cracker.
You don't even know what they're making the canvases out of.
Yeah, it could be saltines.
Son.
No, they made it with animal skin.
Oh, that's leather.
Yeah, that's young.
That's leather.
You can eat animals.
Then to make the colors and the pigments, you use blue berries to make some blues.
Son, why are we not congratulating them on this?
It is impressive that the Chinese can eat anything.
Dude, I was in Chinatown the other day.
I saw a guy just holding a hoof in his hand and eating it like a fucking ice cream cone, dude.
A horse hoof.
Dude, he just had a horse's leg in his hand like an ice cream.
He's just licking that shit in the middle of Chinatown, dude.
Oh, my God.
Why?
Dude, he was just licking it, bro.
He was like a fucking ice cart.
Are you assuming the guy's Chinese?
But I ate jellyfish.
Tell me what street.
Compares to Mott Street in July.
Yeah.
Sweet push carts gently glide.
Yeah.
Ding by.
The city's glamour will never spoil.
Hey.
The dreams of a boy or girl.
You can be wet.
Will turn Manhattan into an aisle of joy.
You don't know that song?
That's a song about Genghis Kong Boy.
Maybe.
I guarantee that this fucker started taking singing lessons after Opener Up and after he realized that the three of us could actually sing.
I did not.
Your singing has gotten noticeably in tune.
I'm not going to do it.
I did not.
I agree with you, though.
And I really think, I'd be 100% honest with you.
I think it's just because we've been singing more.
I swear to God, I agree with you.
I think this singing has got better.
I think I fell out of tune a bunch in what I just did, but I agree with you.
And I think being around you guys and actually hearing what good singing should sound like, I think it got better.
I'm by far the worst singer.
I acknowledge this.
Okay.
But I went from a two to like a three and a half.
Most improved, sir.
Yeah.
I am most improved.
I just don't want to know you're spending a lot of money to try to surpass.
I considered it.
You did.
I considered singing lessons.
Where are we going to get a singing coach?
Say again?
Where would you get a singing coach?
I didn't think about that.
Probably fucking Taiwan.
I would probably go to Taiwan too.
They're known as good singers there.
Say what?
They're known for being good singers.
They are.
They're definitely good singers.
I saw a Taiwanese guy playing violin with a Timberland string, Timberland bootstrap.
He just held it in his fucking mouth and he was just rubbing it back and forth with a, what is that?
What are they called?
A saw.
No, It wasn't a saw.
It was a duck.
And it was just what, dude?
You guys are crazy, bro.
Have some respect for different cultures, man.
Yeah, please.
What's the next one?
Yeah, let's start the podcast.
Let's start the pod now.
Let's start the pod now.
Akash is here.
He's got some feelings about China he'd like to share with you.
Cut to a picture and then just start rolling everything we did.
Okay, that was all I wanted to really.
We recognize Taiwan, though.
I'm going to go do a show in Taiwan.
I don't care if you guys aren't going to come.
I don't care.
I'm not performing in China.
I'm performing in Taiwan.
Or Hong Kong.
I might not come back.
Maybe Hong Kong.
Maybe I'll even go to Macau.
Where's that?
Macau.
Oh, that's how you pronounce it.
Yeah.
Oh.
Sure.
It's like Vegas.
Macau.
It was Portuguese.
Yeah.
I mean, if you say Barcelona, I don't know why it's raising.
Oh, sorry.
Parlo Catala.
Okay, see, if you pronounce it like that, that's fine.
Yes.
So if you pronounce the city with the accent, it's okay.
It really isn't done that way, but it sounds better.
Student Loan Debt Cycle00:03:46
What?
Al, Al, dude.
Come on, bro.
Al, you got to chill out.
You can't just laugh at the sound of perfectly pronounced Mandarin.
You're just laughing at the sound of perfectly pronounced Mandarin.
That's fucked up.
I don't think it's perfect.
It is.
There is a casino in Macau that is.
Come on, Al.
Al, Al, you're laughing at perfectly pronounced.
I pronounce that perfectly.
It might be Cantonese.
I'm not exactly sure, but I pronounce it with perfect pronunciation.
I am respecting the culture as much as I possibly can.
This is not going to be good.
Why is it not going to be good?
I think it's going to be good.
But let's go.
All right, guys.
We're going to take a break for a second.
Ernest got it in there.
Got it in there before.
Fast forward, gang.
Yeah, we're talking about Ernest.
Okay.
What's that?
Let me tell you something, bro.
With today's low interest rates, it's a great time for you to refinance your student loans.
You specifically.
You got student loans.
They need to get ready to fuck finance.
Okay.
It's time to break out of that cycle.
Yo, angrier?
All right.
All right.
What is it?
What is it again?
What is it?
Muffle firm.
Yeah, yeah.
What is it that they use?
Unforgivable.
Unforgivable.
Okay.
Right now, you're in a student debt cycle.
Okay.
And those loans are unforgivable.
Ernest can help you by refinancing your student loans.
Times are tough.
And worrying about your student loan payments doesn't make things any easier.
Okay.
That's what we finance with Ernest could help.
You could save so much money.
You could be buying waffle firms for weeks.
Okay.
Ernest offers real great student loans.
We finance.
Yeah.
Okay.
I was talking to this girl's brother.
I was like, yo, you got some loans?
You got refernists?
He was like, yeah, I was like, that's unforgettable.
Like I saliva everywhere when I'm doing this right now.
Okay?
I'm just saying you can reduce it long term, save money, or combine multiple loans into a simple monthly payment.
Yes.
Okay.
Finally.
And if you have any questions, you can even talk to a real live human and earnest for help.
A real live human, not anything else.
Okay?
A human is there.
They don't have real live animals and nothing.
That makes no sense.
That would be stupid.
Talk to a dog.
Come on.
I wouldn't help you at all.
And there would be nothing earnest about it.
Okay?
Holy shit.
I'm just saying.
Like, what if you had a question and then all of a sudden you go on FaceTime, you turn to Face Thomas motherfucking waffle fast.
Okay?
But it's not that.
It's a human being.
Okay.
And just let you know that that wasn't good enough.
Your devils have got enough.
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Terms of conditions are bruh.
You gotta read all this money.
No.
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Thompson is a blunt.
You have to read a bunch of things.
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Mark, let me read it.
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Redlining And African American History00:10:03
It's not available in all states.
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California finance law license number 605478A 535 Mississippi, San Francisco, California.
Let's get back to the show, please.
Now let's get back to the show, yo.
If it was a black woman that died in the woods, would black people blame her would?
Would they have the same attitude you have?
We wouldn't know.
We'd be like, why were you in the woods with that white boy anyway?
Oh yeah, absolutely like absolutely.
What happens when you with these white boys in the motherfucking woods?
Why do you think you brought them into the woods?
Yeah, we don't do that stupid out of here.
Mark your thoughts on this controversial take that could probably ruin the future of your career and life.
About Gabby Petito, I think it's tragic what happened to her.
What if she was black?
That's also tragic.
Just being black wow, she was no longer white, she became no longer white in the game.
That is a big tragedy.
Yeah, I mean it's a tougher life.
You know what I mean?
It's racial discrimination.
You gotta deal with all that redlining, throwing redlining yeah redlining, throw that in.
Yeah, what else?
What else?
Redlining, throwing redlining, redlining also.
Uh Thompson, Forbes ACT.
Yeah, Thompson And Forbes at.
Okay, segregation.
So, segregation, also three, six mafia.
No, three fifths compromise.
Yeah, and the three six three six mafia or three fifths?
Three fifths mafia, three fifths mafia.
Yeah, yes, that's also very important.
Yeah, so shout out to all of them, and also that's it's okay, Nat Turner, Nat Turner, yo, old Nat King Turner.
That's kind of fire, yo, old Nat King Turner coming through with the bat.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
He got that big stick, you know.
What does bat stand for?
Nothing, the bat hit a bat.
Yeah, yeah, actually, I don't think baseball was even invented yet.
Yeah, I don't know.
We just said Nat Turner, and Miles walked in the room.
Like, is he coming again?
I need to be with my people.
Miles look fly, bro.
Yeah, you're out here killing it, dog.
Is that a new hat?
Nah.
Oh, he don't even talk.
You don't even get a word.
Yeah, Miles.
Damn, Miles Reynolds over here.
Yo, you really are Miles Reynolds.
How much pussy you guys since we were going too much to count.
I know.
He's Genghis Khan over here, bro.
Yo, real talk.
It's true that Genghis Khan had a child with every single woman in his tribe.
I don't think that's true.
No, it's true.
It was true.
I heard that was true.
I heard that, like, everything we said.
If you're Asian, there's a 99% chance you can trace your lineage to Genghis Khan.
Oh, I've actually heard that.
I've heard there's like a disorder amount of genetic coding that comes from Yangtze Khan, especially if you're from the East.
Is that why they all look?
I'm not going to even finish.
I'm not going to finish it.
I'm not going to finish it.
It seems like it would.
It would make sense.
It's unexcusable where you're going to be.
It would make sense if you could all come from one place.
It's just racist.
It's just no, that's just.
How about that'd be racist?
How about they don't look?
How about they don't look similar?
They all look like Genghis Khan there.
No, you're speaking in an offense.
You all look like your fucking great graham.
Yeah.
I think that makes sense.
I'm uncomfortable with the conversation.
I feel like you're just, you know, you're looking for ways to get it.
But that makes sense.
I'm on board now.
He's making a good point, even if he doesn't know.
I'm on board now.
If I was on board, there we go.
I wasn't even over the camera's point.
It's been on our cash now.
It's been an arcade.
This is a lot of five minutes.
Because I wanted to get this in it.
I kicked this table so goddamn hard.
My fucking ankle's on fire right now, dude.
It is literally on fire.
I literally hit that shit and I was like, my cow, that shit fucking.
All right.
Rest in peace, Gabby Petito.
Rest in peace, Gabby.
What is her name?
Petito.
Gabby Petito.
Yeah, hopefully the justice is served for you soon.
All right, you want to talk about these racist Carmines restaurant in New York?
Yo, What kind of racism are we talking about?
What do you mean?
What kind of racism are we talking about?
What do you mean by kind?
Like, who on who?
Oh, this is, I guess they would suggest white on black.
Caucasian against black?
Yeah, Caucasian.
Caucasian.
Damn, I can't say that shit.
Macaucasian.
Macaucasian?
Macaucasian against black?
Yeah.
It's Macaucasian against black.
That's what they're suggesting in the story.
Okay.
Yeah.
So basically.
Damn, we love Carmines too, bro.
Yeah, I know.
It's sad what happened to y'all.
I mean, family style play.
Basically, oh, I know Carmines now, the Italian spawn time square.
Yeah, yeah, big spot.
Fuck, man.
I'll break down the story and then you can let me know what you think.
Basically, there is a group of eight black people from Texas that were.
I'm glad you called him a group because you called him something else before when we were talking.
What do they call him?
What do I call him?
When you said, when they're more than you said, when there's more than you call them, what'd you call them?
What do they call him?
Mark Topic.
Mark, word?
I didn't say the word.
I didn't say the word.
You're saying a word.
I didn't say any word.
Bro, what'd you say?
What did you say?
I said there's a group.
Mark used a different word.
What does that rhyme with?
What is it wrong with?
Mark?
I haven't thought about it yet.
I was trying to stall them.
I got a good one, but it didn't come.
Okay, go.
So a group.
You said a group.
There you go.
He called him a gang.
He might call them a gang.
I called him a pride, bro.
What?
I called him a pride.
I was a compliment, I feel like.
Say what?
It's weirdly a compliment.
If you call a group black people a pride.
Well, if you really look at a bunch of lions, the lion, if you look at Lion King as a metaphor for the black experience in America, Charlemagne says, and that would be historically accurate.
Do you subscribe to that, Alex?
I think so.
But then it's kind of like gay pride, and I don't know if you necessarily want to co-op that.
Holy shit.
Come on, boy.
Yeah.
All right.
So Lil Nas X is killing it right now.
What?
Lol Nas X. He's killing it right now.
He is killing it right now, dog.
All right.
Well, in that case, there's a pride of eight black people that were.
What?
Why are you going to say black like that?
You said those.
Why'd you say black like that?
You did say black in a weird way.
Capital B, dude.
He hit capital B. You're supposed to capitalize it.
Yeah, but you said it in a way where you were trying to say something else.
What was I trying to say?
Nah, you put the K-K-K in black, right?
I heard that.
I heard it.
God.
How can you tell?
You snuck three K's at the end of black, and we didn't even notice it.
How did I say it?
You said there's a pride of black people.
Yeah, you actually.
What should I say?
Can you tell us to stop being racist?
Try to not be racist when you tell a story.
Okay, I know.
Okay.
Okay, so there were a group of African-American folks.
Were they beautiful?
Yeah, they were beautiful.
Do you know that they were African-American?
Were they Jamaican-American?
Like, how do you know they're African-American?
They could be Caribbean.
I don't even know where the fuck they're from.
Why would you assume it's Africa?
Yeah, I mean.
He's so insensitive, bro.
That's a good point.
This guy's fucking, dude, borderline, dude.
Yeah.
This guy's borderline.
You are borderline.
Okay, so how should I say it then?
Just say it the way you want.
Just say it the way you want.
Dude, a basketball team showed up to Carmine.
Okay, go, go.
And then basically, four people went in.
They all showed proof of vaccination again inside the restaurant.
And then there were four more people that tried to meet up with them after.
And then they asked for proof of vaccination and they said, oh, we don't have it.
And they said, oh, well, you can't go inside the restaurant and join the rest of your party.
And they said, oh, well, no, we're going to join them anyway.
And then they got into a huge brawl and they had to be carried out of the restaurant and forcefully removed.
So they forced themselves in there even though they weren't allowed.
Because they were just going to kind of link up with their table is what I've read.
And now they're suggesting that the hostess called them a racial slur.
Which one?
She said they were a basketball team.
She said, no, which is super, super racist.
Did she use the big one or not?
And also, what color was the host?
I think she was white.
I don't know.
Caucasian American, I guess.
European American.
She was a white woman that used, did she say the N-word?
That's what they're alleging that she said.
And that's why they reacted in the way that they reacted.
She still wanted to eat there, even though they were called the N-word.
They were like, we're going to show you, teach you a lesson.
We're going to fucking eat all the plants.
20% tip.
Yeah.
On top of that.
So take that.
And then.
Food and food together.
So then there was a Black Lives Matter protest outside of Carmine suggesting that two things.
One, that Jifty.
Were you there?
Wow.
He was working, bro.
TikTok had a million point one right now.
Oh, shit.
Which I run all by myself.
Hey, respect.
With no help from Jifty.
Yeah.
And then they had a protest basically alleging two things.
One, that the hostess used a racial slur and that she lunged at the patrons initially and that she should be removed from her job.
And secondly, that the vaccine mandates are racist against black people because people of color in New York are disproportionately unvaccinated.
Next Level Guaranteed Dick Suck00:15:05
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Now let's get back to the show.
I just think you got to come up with a better term if you're going to talk about sex or fallatia.
Okay.
What is your favorite term for some sweet cocksucks?
What is your favorite term?
Guys, this is a serious political podcast.
Yeah.
What is your favorite term for a sweet cocksuck?
Well, not like we would ever speak about our girls like this, but what is a good term if you were going to ask for a sweet cock suck from somebody, hypothetically speaking, obviously not your girl, but just if you were going to ask for it in the world, let's say you're in a dream, you can't control yourself and you're getting a sweet cock suck, right?
How would you ask for it?
What would be your way of asking for it?
Well, I learned a lot of stuff from Dub, so I would just say what Dove taught me.
And what did he say?
Do you want to make it a Hollywood?
I guess that's what I normally say.
Holy moly.
Dang.
That is crazy, dude.
I love using his position of power within the entertainment industry.
Do you get sweet cocksucks from girls sometimes?
That was fun to give it a gift.
Oh, my God, Dub.
What power?
Are you a liability?
Are you a liability?
I would beg for girls just to come to the show.
A lot of dudes.
Well, you don't have to insult me.
You don't have to give this fuck.
What a fucking real jerk, this guy is.
But it is funny.
He's fucking too defensive.
He just put me on Rick's casting couch.
Which we're all fans of Rick.
What's wrong with that?
Yeah, we like Rick.
Rick is a man.
He's the fucking leg, dude.
Yes, he is.
No, he is the dubby with the thing.
Nah, the veins.
He's built like you.
You guys have the same body.
You have abs, but you're fat.
Did you tell them about the ab competition?
No, you're not ready for this.
Oh, the ab competition actually might need to get no.
Stop calling it, stop rebranding it.
It's just who looks better in three months.
Ab competition.
He just rebranded it to ab competition.
But this is what they do.
They rebrand you look better.
This is what they do.
Yeah, Jerusalem's everybody's city.
Right?
It's not, it's not.
We're not rebranding.
You threatened me like you probably have done many women to get backstage.
Listen.
Remember how he said he was going to help us get more beautiful women in the front?
Oh my God.
Please, God.
that was a legend.
Please, God, he's God.
I'm doing so much.
Like, oh, man, I didn't know I was going to be in charge of the crowd filling in the house and shit like that.
And he's like, all right, guys, like, I'll go.
I'll find some hot girls and I'll bring them to the front.
I'll sit them down.
I'll do that hard.
I have to.
If I have to.
Yeah.
If I have to.
It was causing you such great pain.
You said you'll take them off a long line and escort them to the front.
97 degrees outside.
They're just sweating, makeup just running down their face.
And then you are just going to, you're just going to, you're going to take them off that line.
Like, what a fucking hero you are.
That was a lesson.
It's hard to be a hero, doesn't it?
That was a legend.
Thank you.
It was hard work.
That's how you get sweet dick sucks.
You can get sweet cocksocks like that whenever you want.
Okay, Al, what is your term for sweet cocksocks?
Like, when you want a sweet cocksock, what do you do?
I don't know.
I think, what was that symbolism shit that you guys like?
Oh, Dan Brown.
Yeah.
Dan Brown.
Yeah.
Why do you just wear a shirt like Mark's?
Just like point to the little cock on the shelf.
You know, fourteen.
Whoa.
That's smart, actually.
That's actually a good idea.
And you'll just say that and then she'll know what to do.
Yeah.
And what if she thinks it's cock time?
She doesn't think it's sweet cocksock time.
What if she thinks she's really hungry?
She's going to get poked.
And she's going to, oh.
What if she thinks she's going to have sex?
How do you make sure that you're communicating the exact thing that you want done?
Might give her like a 70 so selected to the chest and then kiss again.
Interesting.
So you'll never say explicitly that you want sweet cocksocks.
No, Interesting.
Come on, guys.
Let's brash.
What?
And Dove, you can make up for yourself right here.
How do you let a girl know this is hypothetical?
How do you get it over the pants dick robe?
How do you do it?
How do you get a girl to stop sucking on your nose and start sucking like cock?
How do you get them to switch?
How do you get them to switch?
Well, you know about the dove walk, which was created in college.
Let me explain it.
Dove walk.
But no, my sweet way.
What's the dove walk?
What's the dove walk?
You know how they say the little job in Italian?
It's a bolkino.
It's a burkino.
Can I get a little burkino?
A little burkino.
The dove walk.
Sounds like a delirious.
What's a dove walk?
We got a, what's this?
He can't see it.
He can't see it.
That's on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash flagrant to me.
We will tell you guys what the dove walk is.
But let me tell you something.
This is legendary and works every time.
What?
Yes.
Is this like when I agreed to that walk?
Yes.
Do you remember this?
Yes.
When we were in LA.
Yeah.
And I was like, you don't remember that shit?
You don't remember this?
When Dove gave him the walk?
A little burquito.
Yeah, he gave him a little burkino.
Bro, you don't remember this shit?
They just walked down.
All you heard was like, this guy loves China.
Why is he talking about China all the time?
I pointed to the cock and they were like, all right.
Oh, I want to hear about this dub walk.
Yeah, no, we're going to go about that.
You got to give him a dove walk.
Okay.
This is next level guaranteed dick suck.
This is how you go guaranteed dick suck.
But didn't we just say he doesn't close?
Say what?
We just said this was back in college.
And he's been bird scootering a lot more.
That actually makes a lot more.
I don't know what that means.
What is it?
He's been bursting.
He hasn't been able to go on Dove Walks.
And I got to make it to the gauntlet of you guys.
Do you understand how much I have to think about how to avoid getting roasted by Andrews?
I'm sorry you're 5'9.
Like, I don't know.
What do you want me to do?
Like, why?
5'10.
I don't know why you're 5'10.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Six.
5'10 stings way more.
Yeah, we're rocking America.
What are you?
5'10 and a half.
5'10 and a half?
Yo, say something.
Say something.
Say some.
We go fractions.
Everybody want to round up.
Are you rounding up motherfuckers?
Let me watch those fractions.
Everyone's got fractions going on.
What do you mark?
5'10 and a half.
Jesus shit.
Yeah, motherfucker.
5'10 and a half.
We all round it up.
We round it up.
Well, then you have to go a little bit above the half.
He did 5'11 and 5'18.
Yeah, but once you're 0.5, it rounds up.
Come on, boy.
Is that it?
We're gonna give that?
Okay, Gabby Betito.
Look, let's just conclude.
It was her van.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I just got confirmation from TMZ Shifty.
It was her van the whole time.
This guy's an idiot, bro.
Okay.
So he murdered her.
In the meantime, Shifty, can you go to Newtown and get a Majadra plate times?
However many of us need a Majadra plate.
That would be one, two, three.
No?
No, I told you, I'm juicing.
Oh, you juicing this week?
Oh, my God.
Steroids, gang.
Oh, no.
Not that juice, bro.
Why not?
I want chicken broth.
Oh, God.
How do you do this?
Why are you brothing?
I know.
What cucks, dude?
You're a fucking cock.
I'm full.
Oh, can we talk about these conservative cucks?
What cucks?
Dude, you conservative fucking cucks are so lucky that these mask mandates exist so you have something to like take your energy and put it towards speaking of energy pinky's up.
And how does that taste?
I gotta calm down, dude.
Refreshing.
I literally gotta calm down.
Show that logo.
I want to touch my dick.
I want to touch it, dude.
I want to touch it, bro.
I want to touch it, dude.
I get why Izzy almost fucked Paul Acosta in his ass after the fight.
Because if you have one of them tequila tequilas, whatever that has to do with it, I'm going to cliff.
He just cliffed up big time.
Cliff, dude.
That was super cliff.
Yeah, this guy's cliff.
For real, bro.
Yeah, respect.
You know, they invented counting.
Did they?
Yeah.
Who?
The people in Newtown.
No, no, no.
Did they really?
No, the Arabs.
Indians invented counting.
Oh, remember that?
That fucking stupid thing?
No, they invented zero.
Oh, God.
Don't get me started on that, Mark.
Don't get me started.
What is that?
Were they trying to describe women's rights?
Why did they invent?
Did they need a number to describe women's rights?
Is that what it was?
They were just sitting around.
This girl is trying to take stones off of her.
Guys, guys.
Did women have rights in ancient Scotland?
I don't know if they did.
Yes, they did.
I don't think they did.
They made the men wear a skirt.
Do you think that women were running shit in Scotland?
That's just like us, you're gonna wear the skirt if we tell you.
Okay, you just go out there and guess our freedom and then you come back here and put the fucking skirt and lick me fanny.
Okay, well, that's a good way to say lick my fanny.
That'd be a more polite way.
To say, get your dicks up?
Yeah, yeah.
Lick my fanny, dude.
That'd be crazy, dude.
If you want to be polite, nah, dude, I don't say that.
I just go turtle time.
Revenge of the ooze.
Wait, wait, what is it?
What is the second one?
Revenge of the ooze?
This is going to be ooze.
I don't know.
You don't have enough drinks that are caffeinated.
I'm just drinking coffee and an energy drink.
Yeah.
Yeah, this episode is a little disjointed.
You know what I mean?
All right.
So, what do we do with Carmine?
Should we go protest or what?
I think that we should go to Carmines, and I think that we should do a Black Lives Matter protest.
Yes.
Let's go.
Now you guys are talking.
Yeah.
I would like to.
I think it's the right thing to do.
Okay.
How would you like to protest it?
Signs.
Signs are good.
I think signs would be a good place to start.
We could chant and say, No justice, no peace.
Yes.
No justice, no peace is a great thing to say because it's true.
Yeah.
And then we could get a lasagna.
Okay.
I think we could give it a bad rating.
Don't want to score the momentum.
I'm blister peppers.
We're going to give it a very good thing.
Andre lasagna was kind of dry, but it had good flavor.
And I think that'd be a bit different.
The service was shit.
We say the service was shit.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
I like that.
Now, just out of curiosity.
Maybe we do a White Lives Matter protest also.
Well, if we show up to the Black Lives Matter, is it wrong if we're just like shooting?
And we just start doing flips and stuff like that.
Is that what are the rules on that?
I think that passes.
That's okay.
Show.
If it's in solidarity, you gotta.
You can do anything you want as long as it's solidarity, also.
Okay.
You gotta execute it.
We take our hats and then flip it in the air with our foot and then catch it with our head.
Yeah, yeah.
And then protest with that.
And then are you going to do like a little smurder dance after and shit like that?
I will do a schmoney dance after.
There you go.
We can.
As art.
Can art be a protest?
Is art a form of protest?
100%.
Yes.
It is.
Yeah.
If you say, I'm on a high school basketball team, we're just trying to raise money for some jerseys.
That's it.
Yeah.
Do you want to buy some MMs?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
If I show up and I go, Do you want to buy a flower for your dirt?
You love your dirt?
You want to buy a roast for the floor?
Flowers for the lady.
If I do that, is that a sign for the migrant?
Yeah.
Yes.
Are we supporting migrants?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's an all-lives matter protest.
Do you want to support all you spark kids in caches?
No.
Buy your roster to no support kids in caches.
Yeah.
So if we do that outside of car mines, I think it could be.
Do you think that's cool?
Yeah.
What if we climb down from the roof dressed in all black?
Yep.
How does that get me to crack something?
Is that?
Is that?
Is that what I'm doing?
Is that?
Yeah.
Is that a thing or is that not a thing?
I mean, it all sounds.
I think if we're installing it with all people that are oppressed, that's important.
That's what we have to do.
It's an all-lives matter protest.
It's an all-specifically black people, but also all lives.
Come on.
Wait, but it's included.
I'm kind of going with it.
Yeah, black people are included in all lives.
And if all people are not allowed to go to karma, it's because of vaccination laws, and we need to go to protest.
We don't want to segregate society.
We don't want to do it based on race.
Okay.
We don't want to do it based on religion.
We don't want to do it based on medical history.
Okay.
I mean, do they ask you if you've had a negative herpes test before you go into a venue, Alex?
Yeah.
Do they ask you?
Do they ask you?
You had diabetes before you go in your candy stuff.
And then what?
Oh, I just want some candy.
Sorry, my p tastes like sugar.
You fucking bored losers.
You fucking bored QAnon losers in my comments.
Dude, what fucking loser?
Let's guys control the fucking venue policy.
This guy's a socialist all of a sudden.
Oh, my God.
This guy's AOC.
This guy's AOC.
You're fully AOC.
Fuck AOC.
Fuck them all, dude.
Did you hear that that bitch that made her the dress is a tax cheat?
How hilarious.
And that's why she was looking shook in all these pictures.
They're like, oh, yeah, why she looked like little dirk.
She was like, little baby, little baby.
No, little dirk.
No, little baby was at the mech out looking lost.
But I guess Dirk also does that.
I'm talking about him just in the car just like looking stunned.
Everywhere.
You think little baby was that lost because he knew that Pat Tech was fake?
And he was like, fuck, they're taking pictures of this shit.
This shit going over here.
Not too close, not too close.
Why are you guys hiding it behind negative six feet?
That's embarrassing, though.
What?
Getting caught with a fake watch.
Oh, that shit's fake, bro.
Nah.
Not all of it.
Also, I don't care.
Refugee Fairness And Green Cards00:16:23
Wait till I get a fake watch.
This is a fake Apple watch.
This is fake.
I don't care about fake watches.
They care.
But imagine if they paid real.
Whoa, who's they?
People who actually can afford those type of watches.
No, that's not too many.
Wait, Andrew, you gotta.
Actually, you don't know their fucking pronouns.
You don't know how the fuck they.
You know how the fuck.
That's how Lil Baby could identify.
Yeah, yeah.
You didn't even identify as an adult.
Okay?
Or big.
Or big.
He could be big, man.
He's like, nah, Lil Baby.
Lil Baby.
But imagine putting down $100,000 for a watch.
$400.
Or $400,000.
$400,000 large.
Yeah.
And that shit was worth $200.
You could never trust that jeweler again.
Crazy.
The jeweler's only job is to know if it's real or fake.
That's their only skill.
They don't have to design the jewelry.
Nothing.
They just got to know that that shit is real or fake.
They knew that that shit was fake and they looked at him and they were like, this dumbass is going to pay extra for this fucking watch guarantee.
Do you think he paid full price or you think he just got that shit for 500 bucks?
I was like, all right.
No.
No, I think he got it for maybe like 200,000.
He's like, yo, I gave you a deal on it.
I'm telling you.
100 or 50.
Yeah.
And I think it might have been, maybe he knew it was Fugues.
Is it racist if we sell watches at Carmines?
Whoa.
Let's do watches.
If we sell, what is it called?
Patec?
Protect Philippe.
Yeah, if we sell Protect Philippe.
Patec Philippe.
We go, hey, who wants a watch watches, Rolex, Rolex, watch?
At the protest.
Are we allowed to do that in solidarity?
In the restaurant?
Yeah, not at the protest.
In the restaurant is cool.
What if we came in to the restaurant with like a little toy in one hand and the other hand, we were like, oh, we canceled.
Are we canceled?
Yeah.
Oh, and it was the secret of the ooze.
Secret of the ooze, man.
Oh, I feel like we got that right.
This podcast would have been way better.
I think it'd be okay.
I think it'd be accepted.
Is there a group that we haven't made fun of yet today?
We've pretty much attacked every group.
Is that fair?
White women.
Gotta rant.
Okay.
Yeah.
Check boxes.
White people stealing camping from black people.
Yeah, they did.
Y'all got to get that back.
Actually, no, you can keep that.
I think we're about to get back.
We're like, fuck this campus.
Yeah, yeah, keep that.
What do we think about what's going on in the border?
Also, I didn't know that we bordered Haiti.
Did you guys know that?
I had no clue.
I thought Haiti was an island.
I didn't know where Taiwan is, but you don't know where Haiti is.
Oh, I thought Haiti was an island.
I thought Haiti shared an island with the Dominican Republic.
No, it's right on the southern border.
I guess it is.
Mexico and then Haiti right there.
And why was taking them for so long?
Why weren't they coming in before?
I think they were going the wrong way.
They went south and they're like, oh, fuck.
Oh, my goodness, man.
Oh, my goodness.
Explain that to me.
Where'd they come through?
So after the earthquake in Haiti, a lot of them fled to like South America.
Yeah.
And then they were given like political asylum in like parts of Argentina and like southern South America.
And they lived there for a while.
And then times changed and those countries had like more desperate financial situations.
So they started kind of kicking them out.
They removed like their political asylum status, gave them like tourist status.
And so then they kind of were just like refugees again and had to like kind of move their way basically through like the southern like continent to then get to Del Rio.
And now they're there and now Biden administration is like, all right, we're going to try to deport them.
But like they can apply for political asylum, but they have to either, they have to get the application.
They have to get it approved through like their filing system.
Then they either approve it or deny it.
If they deny it, then they get flown back to Haiti.
And if they get approved, then they're able to live here.
Who flies them back?
Delta.
We pay for that?
I mean, the government, yeah.
Man, get out of here.
What?
That's crazy.
You got to pay to fly them back.
How else are they getting back?
That's not on us.
Well, it is because they're here.
They got here.
Yeah.
And now we want them to not be here because they don't have political asylum.
So you got to pay to fly them home.
Whoa, We probably send the bill to Haiti and be like, yo, this is what you owe us.
That's cool.
We're probably waiting a while to get paid back.
Control your peoples.
They said put on our tab.
Yeah.
That's right.
They probably super debt right now.
Yeah.
No, but that is kind of crazy.
So like anybody can come here and then you just get a first class ticket home.
I don't know if it's first class.
I mean, I don't even get a first class ticket.
Yeah, I ain't even first class.
No, but you get to fly.
Like, that's probably a lot of their first time even on a plane.
Yeah, maybe.
So if you want to just fly somewhere in your life, might as well just try to get into America.
I mean, can you just, can I sneak into America and be like, no, I'm actually from Bali.
I'm here for refugee status, but I'm really from Bali.
And they're like, all right, well, sorry, you got to go to Bali, shucks.
And then you send me to Bali?
We should try that.
I mean, yeah, to be curious.
That's ridiculous.
We should try that.
I mean, how annoyed you would be if you got a connecting flight, though?
Say what?
I can't even get deported directly.
Come on, fam.
You're really going to put me through Frankfurt?
And I would threaten them.
Be like, I might sneak out.
You want me to sneak out in Frankfurt?
Huh?
Huh?
You want me to do that shit?
It's about a Germany about to get a little more Balinesian.
Direct.
I want direct on that.
Real talk.
You better send me direct, or I'm escaping.
Yeah.
I'm escape.
You know I escape.
I'm out here escaping, bro.
I'm escape artist.
If you're deported on the plane, you're probably so happy that you're probably having a great time getting drinks and shit.
Son, you won.
Yeah.
You fucking double biscuff cookies.
Who cares?
Yeah.
Just run a day.
You're not going to eat a lot in your homeland.
Stuff it up.
That's what I mean.
Oh, did we talk about that?
Karen that I sat in the forest.
Oh my God.
Was that before?
No, we have to.
I think she was getting deported.
That's why she was so sad.
100%.
We have to talk about Al absolutely murdering somebody on a plane.
I don't know, really.
Okay, so, but just in conclusion with the Haiti thing, I don't think that's fair that we fly them back.
What I do think is fair is if you show up to our borders, because we do have a rule where we accept refugees, right?
We want, we are, what is it?
Give us your hungry, give us your poor, whatever.
That's part of like the credence of America.
So I like the idea that you could come and you could apply for that, and then we see if you actually are a refugee or not, you know, because you could just be a fucking terrorist and then say you're a refugee and then, ah, welcome to Del Rio, and then fucking, I don't know, blow up some airport or some shit.
Who knows?
But also, if they're terrorists, you could just fly in and be like, yeah, I'm here for two weeks and then do some terrorist stuff.
Well, we also vet you wherever you're flying in from.
It's not like anybody can just get in.
You go through customs and they're like, all right, you're good.
Oh, you're white.
You know what I mean?
They ask some fucking questions, bro.
You speak the English perfectly, but if you were there, like, you know, like they're going to have, right?
Like, it's going to be a little harder.
If you just visit Iraq once in your life, when you go to the airport, it's a problem.
Really?
Four hours early, you have to be minimal.
No.
Yes.
Go through your whole luggage, everything.
That's factual.
I saw this shit happen to a guy in the airport.
Took every piece of his luggage off the fucking belt, put him in a room.
They were there for five hours.
Damn.
And what did he end up doing?
Say what?
What did he end up doing?
They killed him.
They killed him at the airport.
Yeah.
And why?
Why did they do that?
Because they were mad?
He was a Muslim and we haven't talked about them yet on this podcast.
So you killed him.
No, you did.
You said something about rocks.
I forget exactly.
Oh, yeah.
So they didn't kill him, actually.
No, I think eventually they let him in Canada.
And you also talk about how Vala is the sour complainer.
Ah, yes.
I did, I did.
I don't know if that has anything.
I think it's more of a Pakistani insult.
True, true.
That's not much of a joke.
That's just real.
Like, what you find is for the second passport so that you get stamped a secondary passport.
So if you were to go to a Muslim country, oh, yeah, they still let you.
You fly in Israel, you get a second passport?
No, they don't stamp your passports, which would they want your tourism and your visits, but the stamp causes a problem when you visit other Arab countries.
So now they just stamp a piece of paper and put it in your passport.
So you don't even need to get the second passport.
You just get that little paper.
You don't have that lit stamp.
I tell them, I don't need that paper.
Stamp my passport.
We had a hard time going to Russia.
Stamping.
Oh, that's right.
Because we were smuggling goods.
Yeah, they know we were spies.
Oh, that's right.
Also, don't we want to pay for the flight back just because it probably costs more to keep them in town?
Oh, I don't think we should be in town.
This should be the thing.
This should be rules.
This should be the rules, right?
This should be the rules.
And maybe I sound hard.
What's your lip, bro?
Kodak black?
You don't want kodi black in America?
Son, I love Haitians.
That's what I'm saying.
We've got to keep Kodak Black in town.
These people are not Haitian.
What are they?
They're probably Dominican.
Lying.
They're probably Dominican and they're lying.
You think they're just lying?
They think they're Dominican.
They're lying about it.
Are they doing a French accent?
Racist?
Of course.
You think they're doing like a Creole?
First of all, it's not French.
Sorry.
Okay.
It is not fucking French.
Okay.
What do they speak?
What is the language?
Creole.
Creole.
And you think they're doing a Creole accent?
These Dominicans?
They are.
Yes, they are.
They are doing it.
And that would be racist to them to do.
Pardon?
That would be racist if they were to be a different person.
It would be racist.
So we are, this is how we treat racist people.
No.
And what I'm saying, immigration in general, it should be, yo, if you just pull up to the border like on some refugee shit, be ready to wait a couple days, fam.
You better have a hotel hooked up.
Well, I think that's what they do.
They show up and they plan to get caught.
And then as soon as they get caught, no, no, ain't no caught.
Well, that's the whole point: they show up and get caught on purpose.
Nah, that's why the wall makes sense if it actually stops people.
If it doesn't stop people, that's fine.
But if you actually have a wall, right?
What it will do is funnel people.
Let's say there is an effective wall.
I'm not saying we can't do that, but let's say there is an effective wall, right?
Effective wall where people can't get in.
It will funnel people to the booths or like the reception centers where they actually have to apply for refugee status.
So they're not trying to get caught.
They're literally just going, yo, I'm here.
I'm a refugee.
Please.
We look at your paperwork.
You go back, stay on the fucking street, or stay in a hotel or stay at some sort of like shelter or whatever while we look at this thing.
Ideally, you're telling the truth.
You are a refugee.
We bring you in.
We give you the best life that you could possibly have here, right?
I think that that is a very fair way to go through it because there are people who are not refugees and they might be doing it because they want a better life, but that's not fair to the people that also want a better life from other parts of the world that can't just walk across the border.
Yeah, but they're waiting years in a visa application process.
When they go to the shelters and shit like that, you're paying for that.
No, the shelters outside of America.
So you think, no, Mexico just has a bunch of shelters just that they're paying for.
Please believe if they're just people wandering the streets and it bothers Mexico enough, they'll either protect their borders so it doesn't happen there or they'll build some shelters.
See what I'm saying?
Like, it's not inconvenient for them, so why would they do anything?
Because they know the second they get here, they're like, okay, we're out of here.
So now we're flying people all the fucking.
There's no cost for coming to America, right?
There's no cost at all.
And I'm all for people coming to America.
I'm only here because my mom came to America.
Like, let's bring more people in.
The idea that the shit is packed is a lie.
Like, new people, I'm telling you.
But we went to Omaha, dog.
Like, there's nothing.
There's room, B. There's some of the people.
There's room.
And it's not like these people are being picky.
It's not like Haitians are coming in, like, I'm only living in Miami.
Sorry.
You know what I mean?
Like, everywhere I go, I see Mexicans.
You know what I mean?
So it's not like they just chilling in fucking San Diego so they can pop down Tijuana whenever they want.
They're like, where's the opportunity?
Where can I change my life?
I want people to have the opportunity to change their fucking lives.
But I also think there should be some sort of system to make sure that we do this.
And wouldn't you want to be able to document all the people that are coming in?
Yeah.
Not only for us, but for them.
But apparently a lot of them don't want to be documented.
So they're like throwing away their papers, throwing away all like their IDs and shit because they don't want the government to know who they are.
Well, once the government knows who they are, maybe they won't let them in.
Exactly.
And that's the unfortunate thing because now they're fucking up for the people who would love the government to know who they are.
The people who've been here for fucking years and they're like, man, I just want to be a fucking citizen.
I want to pay taxes.
I want to continue raising my family.
And it's just like, please, can I tell you?
Can I tell you?
I want to have my life here.
I don't know.
I love the idea of like making immigration.
I don't want open borders.
I don't think there is a country if you have open borders.
Borders define the country.
But I love the idea of a much more efficient process.
And if that takes building some sort of fucking protective structure to funnel people into one area so we could just make sure that you get these people documented and you get them a safe place to go.
Like, what about these fucking women that cross the border?
They have no fucking place to go and then they get scooped up by these sex trafficking things, like the coyotes, they have to pay them back so that they have to do these fucked up jobs and they're taking all the money to do the fucked up jobs.
It's like these people still get punished no matter what.
So what kind of structure you want?
You want like a wall, like a American Ninja Warrior course or something?
I would like that.
Yeah.
I want something that they cannot, I want something they cannot get past.
So like Mexicans, let's say abs.
Let's say abs.
Yeah, they have to have abs.
They have to have a six-pack abs.
Okay.
And then they can get into America.
All right.
I mean, that would stop all immigration from Mexico.
I've never seen Mexicans with a six-pack ass.
There's got to be some.
Canelo's the only one, and he's got to be Irish.
I mean, he's the reddest Mexican I've ever seen in my entire life.
Chichorito, he's probably got to get a six-pack.
I don't think so.
They don't do it.
Why not?
Four.
Only four?
Four.
They didn't add the two?
Why not?
They're shorter.
They're dubs height.
They're dubs height.
Is that Mexican?
No.
He's the Mexicans of Africa.
Moroccans are known as the Mexicans of Africa.
I'll take it.
But isn't that a reasonable approach to immigration?
Maybe.
I don't really know enough about immigration.
I'm just saying.
But we have to acknowledge just the idea that the door is open.
Yeah, it seems crazy.
I mean, it seems a little ridiculous.
On the one hand, it's like I feel bad because these people are leaving.
They got nothing, living under a bridge for two weeks.
I'm like, I don't want to be living under a bridge.
But at the same time, it's like, I don't know what you do.
Yeah.
I mean, also, if it's flying them home and it's like, how much does it take you to fly them home?
Just put them on Spirit Airlines.
And then what happens?
They come right back.
It's like the solution is like, it's too optimistic because I don't think Mexico is building shit.
You think they're just boomeranging?
You think they send them home and they fly right back?
Can I say one thing?
Home is horrible, right?
They're being abused, right?
Okay.
They come to us for help.
Another place to stay.
We send them back home.
They're trying to leave.
They want to spend a night in the house.
Put us in jail.
Put us in jail.
Exactly.
Put us in the jail.
Please, anything.
Anything.
A murder's going to happen.
We should put them in jail.
We have to put them in America jail.
Okay?
Put them in America jail.
America is a jail.
Absolutely.
Build a wall.
Build four walls.
Who knows?
Build four walls.
Some bars.
Cage.
Put them in.
Has anybody tried cages?
Why is nobody?
Has anybody tried cage?
Brilliant idea.
We fixed the southern border problem.
No.
But just to wrap it up, because I was talking about your thing, in all seriousness, it does seem kind of ridiculous that there's just this open door and we all turn a blind eye because the people that are on the coast don't have to deal with this at all.
And we go, oh, you're racist if you have any issue with it.
Even though we know absolutely nothing and we don't know how it's not negatively affecting those communities, but like if you live in that community, you see all these people coming in, like it's tough.
I think if you actually have some compassion emotionally, you're like, fuck, I want to help these people.
We're just going to ignore this as happening.
And then you got to listen to some fucking TWAT in New York or LA go, oh, this isn't the American way to do it.
Oh, is it not?
Donate some money.
Let's build a shelter.
Where's your fucking money?
Yeah.
Where's your money, Hollywood?
You got a problem with the cages?
Build some shit.
Like, hello, let's do it.
Put your money where your fucking mouth is.
Yeah, I mean, I do agree.
The people that have nothing to, like, it doesn't affect their lives at all probably have like the worst takes in general.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's like the rich kids are like, no, people are illegal.
And it's like, all right, it's easy.
Do something about it.
Yeah.
What would you like to do?
Are no people illegal?
Help them all.
Yeah.
You hire every single one.
Or just go down there.
Look what's going on.
What if they just make the citizenship process super easy?
Or like the green card process?
Like, yo, if you come through, green card.
Only, only if it doesn't affect the other people that are trying to go through the legal process at all.
Because I think that's kind of unfair.
Because there are people, I'm sure, refugees from all around the world that are like waiting for their opportunity to come here so they can do their dream job.
Build Shit Put Money Where Mouth Is00:05:41
They can escape.
There's probably Afghans that are trying to get over it.
Afghans.
Like, there's so many people I'm sure they're trying to come to.
In every country, there's like a green card lottery, and they're actually not leaving their countries until they have some access and they have a touch point already in the U.S.
It's better for them to just leave their country, fly to fucking Mexico, and then walk over.
We're, what's it called?
De-disincentivizing or de-incentivizing the legal process in this way, right?
Because if it takes two years that way, but if you just walk across the border, citizenship, why the fuck am I doing paperwork?
You know, I hate paperwork, or is it just prioritizing the people that are the most desperate?
How do you define that?
If you're willing to just fly to Mexico and then cross like this, well, maybe you're a woman in Afghanistan, you can't do that, right?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, there's desperation everywhere, and there's different types of desperation, you know?
So, there's no question these people are desperate.
There's no question that they're uprooting their entire lives and their families to do it.
I mean, it's fucking tragic.
It's horrible, you know.
But to act like we can't improve the system, I think is incredibly naive.
And I really think it's people just ignoring a problem because they don't want to deal with it.
Yeah.
And they don't have to deal with it because they're not close to it at all.
Yeah.
Like, it's an issue.
We should do something about it.
And we should stop fucking politicizing it like every fucking thing we do in America.
Same thing with the masks and shit.
And it's just like, if the wall, the wall could be a monumental waste of money and it couldn't stop anything.
And then it's stupid.
But if the wall actually worked and that and the wall outed us, allowed us to have like these centers where these people could go to and actually properly get vetted and maybe even places to stay while they were being vetted, et cetera, that are not fucking cages.
Like, and the wall provided that security because now you didn't need people detailing the border constantly.
The border existed.
Wouldn't you sleep a little bit better if you knew like these people that are leaving these incredibly tough situations at least come here and they have a fair chance?
And the ones that should be able to seek refuge can.
Yeah, I think the solution is probably like politically nuanced.
And but it just feels like either side like is either either through.
They're trying to score points.
It's just like harping on like, get illegals out of here.
Like get them, like we got to protect America, strong borders, like get these motherfuckers out of here.
Or it's like, no one's illegal.
Like everyone should be welcome here.
Everyone should be allowed in, blah, blah, blah.
Bro, I mean, it's also money.
It's money.
They don't want to spend the money to build shelters.
They're about to spend $3.5 trillion to rebuild all the roads and the highways.
It's just building.
It's like you're going to hire some people.
They're going to make it.
That's going to pay for it, bro.
Like, come on.
That's the thing.
But when he was saying that, and Mexico's like, fuck out of here.
And then nothing happened.
We don't want to pay for it.
They don't want to pay for it.
Yeah.
He negotiated like Andrew on that.
He's like, yo, I'm a good guy.
Just don't fuck me over.
It's the same now.
We don't want to pay for it.
And Mexico doesn't want to do anything.
And so that's why they're just going to be stalled there in fucking limbo.
Yeah.
And it's just a shame that governments are letting people struggle like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like the fix is throwing a bunch of money at it and no one wants to do that.
That's the only thing.
You guys got to throw money in this right way.
Otherwise, you know, I mean, like, like you said, build a bunch of shelters, but that's also shelters.
That's running water.
That's food.
That's staff.
That's like, that's a lot of money.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yep.
It is unfortunate.
It is unfortunate.
Or you just, the solution now, it seems like with Biden administration, is like pay money to send them back home.
Boom.
And it's like, we're spending money either way.
It's cheaper.
I don't know if it's cheaper because you need a house.
It's not like they're going right from there to the fucking airport.
I mean, they're living under a bridge right now.
Yeah.
They go right from there.
It's literally Del Rio.
Like, there's 10,000.
If you look at the pictures, it's unreal.
There's 10, it looks like fucking EDC, bro.
There's 10,000 Haitian people just all underneath this giant bridge, like sprawling like this whole section of Del Rio.
It's crazy.
That's why it's cheaper to fly them home.
So they're going to fly home 10,000 people from Del Rio, Mexico?
Yeah.
Or they're bringing them into America and then flying them home.
No, they're in Del Rio, Texas, I think.
Like they're in Texas.
It's the most southern part of Texas, yeah.
So they're already in.
Yeah.
Wow.
And why aren't they going to Miami?
You don't see the guys on horses fucking whipping them from.
I thought that they were doing that as they were trying to cross over.
I mean, yeah, I guess they were.
Yeah.
A bunch of, I mean, you have like five guys on horseback and thousands of people in a caravan just like running up.
Oh, yeah, yay.
But yeah.
And I think the thing is, like, they want to give themselves up.
And so they're either like, we'll either stay here or we'll go back to Haiti.
Either way, it's better than being stuck in Mexico or wherever we are.
Fucking hell, man.
Yeah.
We got to have some sort of system.
The idea that like we, I think you can have strong borders and you can also protect America, but I also think you protect America by maybe I'm biased because I'm the son of an immigrant, but like I think you protect America by continuing immigration.
Immigration is how we built this country, you know, and like getting the people who are super hungry for the American experience and American dream is how we continue to have prosperity, right?
Like, I don't know.
I think it's a huge advantage that people want to play here.
It's like the NBA.
You know what I mean?
Like, you want to play?
Everybody wants to play.
Like, Luka Doncich is like, I want out of my country so I could hoop in the best place in the whole fucking world.
And I understand that these people are refugees and they're leaving incredibly difficult circumstances.
But like, in my experience, those people are ready to grind the hardest.
They're willing to work the hardest because it's like, I don't want to go back to that.
I need to make, and then you saying, when people who come from no opportunity see a little bit of opportunity, they're not complacent.
They're like, hold on.
The harder I work, the more money I make.
The more opportunity I get, the more I get to provide.
Like, I don't know.
I like that energy.
I like that mentality and I like that fucking grind.
Getting paid American dollars?
I can live off half this and half back to Haiti.
Shaq Big Penis Joke00:08:48
The problem is.
But legally.
But legally and have a property.
That's the thing.
You can't do it legally when it's that many people trying to come at the same time and you don't have enough people to process their information.
Yeah.
And so all decisions have to be made.
And that's where it fucking starts.
So you either give yourself up, go through the legal way, and then you have to go through all this bureaucracy and you might get kicked out, or you just fucking roll the dice, say, yo, I'm fucking, I'm going to live illegally.
I can try to get married, try to like finesse it, try to work it out.
Maybe someone grants me like a visa through work and I'm just going to bet on myself.
And worst case or I'll get deported later.
I completely get why they do it.
There's no question.
But I do think it's up to us to devise a much better system than one we have now.
And it'd be great if politicians would remove themselves from it.
Ultimately, I understand that they have to make the decisions and that's what democracy is.
But it'd be nice if the experts actually sat down, crunched the numbers and found out how the fuck to properly handle this situation with the least amount of human casualty.
I don't mean that in terms of death, but like.
Yeah.
Suffering and distress.
Yeah.
I think there's got to be a better way.
Yeah.
I just don't know what it is.
Yep.
Okay.
Shall we take a pee?
All right, guys.
Look, I don't know what part of the episode this is in, but I do want to tell you guys about something.
Some of you already know about this.
But, you know, my girl's been dragging me around to the nicest restaurants in the goddamn world for the last two years.
She's really turned me into like one of these bougie food folks.
But she actually knows about food, loves food.
It's not just expensive stuff.
It's, you know, cheap stuff.
It's just wherever the fuck that you want to go eat.
She's just the type of person to know what to go to, what to eat, et cetera.
And so she started this Instagram called Blistered Peppers.
And Blistered Peppers, name of Instagram, is basically any spot that we've gone to, you might have seen.
It's got the name of it, where it is, and which dishes that you should get in it.
She's also going to do some home cook recipes as well.
And there's some other things she'll be adding in the future.
But we're trying to build this thing up.
And fellas, basically, you never have to plan a date again in your entire life.
Simple as that.
And ladies, you never have to think about where you want to go.
She got that shit 100% covered.
She's going to continue to build it out, but we would really appreciate your support, man.
It would mean a lot to me.
You know, this is family.
So obviously be respectful.
Okay.
Be respectful.
It's my wife.
But, you know, your support would mean the fucking world to us, man.
And, you know, this asshole army.
So I know y'all always come through.
But I just want to tell y'all about that.
Some of you already know I've been posting on Instagram, but I want to officially say it on the podcast.
Okay.
I've been using her for a year.
Yeah.
Weekly text.
Where am I going?
What am I eating?
But she's got it.
Like in every fucking city she's been to countries.
Like this is something that she's really passionate about.
And it's cool to, you know, we always share with you guys when we're on, you know, vacation or these types of things or like whenever we're on the road and we're going to a city that she knows, you know, she's telling us the spots.
But like, it's just, I think it's something cool.
And I really think it's something that she could build out.
There's other ideas that could go along with it.
And I'm really excited to see what she can do with it, man.
So it would mean a lot to me if you supported her in this endeavor.
And yeah, thank you so much.
Plister Peppers is the Instagram.
All right.
Yeah.
Cool.
What else we got?
All right.
We got Hulk, Brazilian soccer player.
Oh, yes.
Got his ex-wife's niece pregnant.
Whoa.
And he's having a child.
And he's now dating his ex-wife's niece.
Ex-wife.
Niece.
Yeah.
Now, on the surface, this looks crazy.
Mark.
There's more to it.
So basically, Hulk is like, he's this brilliant Brazilian soccer player, like legendary dude.
Good.
Yeah, he was sick, especially back in the day.
He's now in like a, I think he's playing in like a lower level Brazilian league, if he's even still playing.
But he was a legend back in the day.
And he was married to this woman.
He's 34 now.
His wife, her ex-wife, is 52.
Oh, so she got him.
So they've been together a long time.
And he says, the article is so funny.
He has like some all-time legendary quotes, but he says in the article, like, yeah, I only married her because we got pregnant.
Like, I lived mostly like a single life, you know, like we had multiple kids after that because I wanted to have children.
I love my family, but our relationship was not exactly, you know, full of love.
It was sort of, you know, more like diplomatic than that.
And we were together 12 years and then we split in like 2017, 2018.
And then he maintains that, like, one, he had like side girls the whole time.
He said that.
He's like, yeah, I was just like, fuck whoever she knew.
She didn't care.
Like, she was getting money.
Like, blah, blah, blah.
He has this quote where he's like, ultimately, I got to pull it up specifically.
Okay.
He says, I had countless reasons.
I spent my entire marriage betraying Iran, his wife.
She lived a single life.
She just wanted to have the status of wife of the Hulk.
So he's like, you just want to be my wife.
That's fine.
I'll bankroll everything and live my life.
So they split.
And then he gets with his wife's sister's daughter.
His wife's sister's daughter.
Yeah.
So his wife's niece or his ex-wife's niece, which seems crazy, but she's 32.
Also, he got a type.
Like, he respects the bloodline.
Yeah, you got to check the pedigree.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, you get a pit bull from a specific dealer.
Yeah.
You're going to run it back if you like that pit bull.
I want a champion show dog.
Let's go.
I got a golden doodle.
They said it was going to be 15 pounds is 40 pounds.
Yeah.
Well, I'm not going back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm not going back.
Yeah, but that's what it is.
That's a great dog.
I absolutely love the dog.
Yeah.
But just like its name, it's a little too much.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
You can't have too much.
Sometimes you can have too much wasabi.
That's true.
You know what I mean?
It is, and it burns.
Yeah.
So with the Hulk, he recognized, listen, this girl got some good genes.
I was plugging this girl up until she was in her mid-40s.
Like, this is legit.
So now I got the young thing.
Who's not even that young compared to him?
He's 34, she's 32.
It's the same age.
I mean, he's a soccer star.
Yeah.
And he's dating a 32-year-old.
Yeah.
She's a maniac.
This is an absolute maniac.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, is this some kind of like German Nazi sign experiment that's going on with these landowners?
I mean, there's something going on for sure.
I am.
It must be, right?
You understand?
He dates a 52-year-old and now he just drops it down at 32.
I mean, he makes like a world of difference for him.
Well, he likes older women, I think.
Say what?
He likes older women.
So he was with this girl 12 years.
He married her.
I mean, if she's 52 now, he married her when she was 40.
And he was like 22.
Come on, B.
He likes older women.
That's his type.
So he's like, yeah, I'm going to go with a 32-year-old.
And to him, that's young.
32 is probably young for him.
Yeah, he's not ready for all that energy and shit.
You're just thinking of your dog.
He likes to get a bunch of people.
He's got the walker all the time, even in the rain.
God damn it.
Dude, I'm telling you, the Hulk, bro.
The Hulk, maybe that's what the Hulk needs, though.
Hulk smash.
No, if he got the big guy, he needs a nice weathered slit.
Because listen, if he got the Hulk, if he got this, if he got the soup heavy himself, I mean, he's a thick boy.
He needs a nice weathered slit.
This kid is thick.
Got a wide neck.
He's a wide neck.
He's probably got a big dick.
He's probably got a big dick.
Yeah.
Let's just be honest about what it is.
He's probably big dicked, okay?
Brazilians, I think, have big dicks.
Big Brazilian dick?
Yeah.
Big Brazilian dick.
I actually don't think they have big dicks.
I think they have small dicks.
That's why they're so boastful and arrogant.
What?
Really?
Yeah, dude.
I mean, if you actually had a big dick, you wouldn't have your name just be one name.
You know, you're trying to overcompensate for small dick.
I don't know.
To me, it's like, yeah, you know my name.
The Hulk.
Big dick.
Did you call yourself the Hulk?
Their first name is Big Daniel.
Their first name is Big Dick.
Big Dick Namar.
Big Dick Hulk.
He's all the dude.
That makes sense because I heard Shaq isn't.
Yeah, Shaq don't have it.
He probably got a big dick for us.
Have you heard that Sandler joke about trying to see Shaq's dick?
Oh, in the shower?
Yeah.
So they were on set.
They were doing a movie together.
You know, Sailor plays like a basketball during the movie.
He makes sure there's always a half court so that the guys can play when they're not filming.
And Shaq was playing with him, and then they went to go shower so they could go do the film.
And so Adam Sandler goes into the shower to look at his dick.
He's like, I have to go see Shaq's penis.
So I have to see Shaq's penis.
If I have the opportunity, I got to see Shaq's penis.
And he goes into the shower to look at Shaq's penis.
And Shaq's bodyguard stops him.
And he's like, what are you doing?
And he goes, I just want to see Shaq's penis.
And he goes, he goes, I am Shaq's penis.
The bodyguard.
But was that a bit or that was a real story?
It was a bit.
Oh, it was a real story.
He talked to Shaq's penis.
He had a conversation with his actual penis.
No, I know that.
But I mean, I thought he was wondering if he actually tried to go see his penis.
Because you do want to know what his dick looks like.
So that's the thing.
It's completely understandable.
It's extremely relatable.
Dove.
What's up?
So he calls himself Shaq Diesel.
There's no way his dick is massive.
Is it?
No.
I think it's objectively massive, but proportionally not as big as you'd expect.
Who's got a huge dick?
Talking To Actual Penises00:05:50
But we have first.
Who do we know for a fact has a huge dick?
Ron Jeremy.
That's a big dick.
Is it that big?
Not that big.
Jeremy doesn't have a big dick.
I don't got a big dick.
It's not like.
Is it that big?
He's like Girthy.
I don't know if I've ever seen him do porn.
I just know he does it.
I've never seen that.
He's worked.
You've seen it.
You've seen it.
I've met him in real life, but I don't know if I've ever seen him do porn.
I never just took a peek.
You didn't go to the shower.
You wanted to?
I want to.
I want to.
I did want to.
Okay, but back to what we're saying.
Hulk.
Yeah, I don't know.
Is there anything more to this story?
No.
Other than the fact that they're having a child and it's with his niece.
And all the service looks crazy.
I think family reunions are going to be convenient.
Convenient.
Yeah.
He's like.
Christmas is convenient.
Yeah.
Everybody already knew he was out there fucking.
You know what I mean?
He kept in the family out of respect.
That's what's up.
Yeah.
It's an honorable thing to do.
Loki.
Wonder if there's like a Brazilian cultural thing happening here.
Incest?
Is that what his favorite thereabout?
You think they just fuck each other?
You think there's some Amazonian?
Well, it's definitely not incest if it's not his niece.
It's someone else's niece.
Everyone's fucking someone's niece.
Well, he's fucking his niece.
It's not incestual, but he is fucking his niece.
It's his niece, too.
Well, it's his ex-wife's niece.
Well, now it's ex-wife.
Before it was ex-wife, his former niece.
It was his former niece.
He's fucking his former niece.
Yeah.
He's fucking his former niece, dude.
Yeah, his used to be niece.
He's kind of lit.
Is it lit?
Yeah.
For a Brazilian.
What is that?
Yeah.
They just be fucked up.
Dove, your people fuck the family a lot.
What is that like to you?
What are the rules there?
Yeah.
Please respect that I'm a Sephardic.
Oh, is that an Ashkenazi thing to do?
Cannot confirm or deny, but all I know is we don't do that.
We don't do that.
I mean, it works out for Ashkenazis if they never let that happen.
Aren't they the highest IQ people in the world?
What?
Ashkenazis.
No.
Yeah, they're the highest IQ.
No, they just made the test.
What's on the test?
Like, how many nights are there of Hanukkah?
Like, no, it's just an objective test.
No, it's not Jewish things on the test, but there's other things on the test that are specific to them.
Like, what?
Do you have a hard time breathing through your nose?
That's the question.
Yeah.
And then if you say yes, then you get some points.
I don't know if that's true.
It is true, bro.
For real.
I don't know.
I haven't taken it.
It's true, man.
That's on the IQ test.
There's a lot of fucking racism in that.
On the IQ test.
Yes.
Women's supremacy.
Say again.
Is Jewish supremacy?
Jewish supremacy, bro.
If you make the test, obviously you're going to do the best in it, right?
Somebody's got to make the test.
Yes or no?
It's not a robot making a test.
It's human beings making it.
Someone has to.
There's a reason why women don't do well on it.
They don't make the test.
If they were making the test, it'd be other women's shit.
Like what?
I don't know.
How was your day?
You know what I mean?
There'd be something in it that's like super woman friendly, and they do really well, but they don't.
They got math and shit on this.
Reading comprehension.
Reading comprehension.
Read this story.
Tell me what happened.
You're like, I can't do it.
It's too much.
On SAT, it's nearly impossible.
Al, did you just bring up a picture with both of them in the same picture?
Yeah.
I mean, they look identical.
He just ran it back.
Yeah, he just ran it back.
That's really all he did.
He ran that shit back.
This guy's a fucking genius.
Five seconds.
He was just hanging out at the family reunion, looking at which niece was going to grow into his wife.
Yeah.
And he's like, it's that one.
I got an eye on it.
I think he's busy.
I think he's so busy.
He's like, where am I going to meet a nice girl?
And probably his sister's like, I know someone actually really commands.
And they allow cheating in this family.
This is the perfect family.
Yeah.
You got to love it.
You got to absolutely love it.
Okay.
Okay.
I mean, I feel good about this story.
Yeah.
I feel good that we even spoke about it.
I feel great about this.
Were you feeling worried about it before?
I was feeling well before because my girl's only got brothers.
So if you wanted to run it back, you have to be like, oh, it's nice.
That's right.
Oh, that's right.
It's brother's sister.
Okay, yeah.
Ooh, I don't even want to thank him for that.
This guy's a monster.
How long is he married?
His name's Louis the whole time.
He literally is.
He's a monster, yeah.
Wait a minute.
So how long is so he knew the girl?
He was married for 12 years.
Oh, no.
He met her when she was 20.
Yes.
It's kosher.
It's not even Woody Allen.
If it's kosher, it actually might be bad.
Dove?
Technically, this is Soup Kosh.
Yeah.
Well, I thought he just said Ashkenazi's bang siblings, which is not good.
He didn't want to bang the siblings, but Hitler.
What is that?
Got rid of all the people.
There's no people left.
They built up a nice amount of fucking people.
And then Hitler came in and he was like, you guys are going to fuck nieces.
I don't know if that was part of the super, super tight-knit, super religious community that there's some cousins that I was trying to bail you guys out.
So I know, right?
But these solid factors are.
They fuck each other's family.
You just admitted to it.
I thought we were joking.
As long as you put it to like a percent, let that percent fucking do whatever they want.
Keep the 99%.
I got to sacrifice some kids.
Does that percent perhaps maybe not want to get vaccinated in Israel and spiking the numbers?
Maybe.
Interesting.
Also, just for a fact check, it wasn't a Hebrew who created the IQ tests.
Oh, who was it?
Some Sardinian and French dude.
Sardinians.
There's the worst.
You know, the greatest thing is when you want to fact check and you go to Wikipedia, if the person is Jewish, believe me, Wikipedia will say it.
Right up front.
Right up front.
Wikipedia is a Jewish moment.
It's right under early life.
It's written by the European Union.
If you're a quarter Jewish, they'll be in there.
So no, we actually succeed in that test because, you know, Judaism.
Oh.
Loki, I think it has to do with having to study the Torah.
Yeah.
Jews are encouraged to study the Torah from a young age.
Like you're reading ancient texts as a child.
I think it's going to help with reading comprehension.
Reading comprehension, memorization.
They could barely remember the fucking thing for the bar mitzvah, dude.
You said rememorize?
Did I say remember?
Caleb Plant Speed Shock00:13:12
Let's go.
They could barely memorize the thing from the bar mitzvah.
You're supposed to read the Torah from scratch, but on your bar mitzvah, it's just like you play it on a cassette player.
Mark, this is the same thing.
You really believe that they're sitting in that shit?
Yeah, Mark.
They just like that shit growing up.
You put it to a beat of a song and you just remember it.
You just remember how it sounds, dog.
It's like when fucking Sweet Caroline, touch it, touch it.
I was going to say, like, when Asians sing Jason Maraz, but like, yeah, sure, that too.
You know what I mean?
Like, there's no way people from other countries understand our lyrics.
No, no, that's actually very funny.
They're just saying the sounds.
Yeah, yeah.
When I was in France, all these kids were singing English rap songs and just sounded like kind of the words.
More or less.
Karaoke, too?
Just making fun of us.
Well, they have the words there.
They shouldn't have.
Yeah, but they're making fun.
They're making fun.
You don't think when they're singing the Beatles, they know every single lyric of that shit?
No, they're making fun.
It's little jokes.
They're poking a little fun.
Doing an English accent.
They're poking a little fun.
And you just let it happen, don't you?
Wow.
Whoa, good.
This guy's a fucking sell-out shit.
Shill.
This guy's a shill.
Anyway, Canelo versus Plant.
Oh, my God.
I sent Al a video.
This is one of the.
This is so cool.
So, Canela Alvarez, the best boxer right now that is not named Jake Paul.
Best boxer that ever lived.
The best boxer on the planet, Canel Alvarez.
I believe that he has won titles 147 pounds, 154 pounds, 160 pounds, 168 pounds, and 175 pounds.
I believe that.
He's got to punch people in the head.
He's fucking incredible.
And he's going up against an undefeated fighter named Caleb Plant, I believe.
Caleb is his first name, but Plant, what?
No, I was just saying, that's how Mark's ass looks.
Mark, you got him.
Not even close.
I got him.
So they're going and they're having their face off, right?
The fight's not until November.
Yeah.
Or October, though.
November 6th.
Oh, it's November.
Yeah.
And then, so the fight is happening for the super middleweight championship.
That is 168 pounds.
Or maybe he hasn't won 175, but 168, he's won.
So they're having this face off.
They're jawing at each other.
Canelo pushes Caleb Plant.
Caleb Plant comes back and tries to slap Canelo.
I just want you guys to watch this video, and I want you to pay attention to Canelo's right hand right before he swings back at Caleb Plant.
Just watch his right hand.
Keep watch his right hand.
Watch his right hand.
Did you see what he did?
He threw something out.
He's holding his glasses in his right hand, right?
And when Caleb Plant throws a slap at him, he dodges the slap.
Go at the same time, throws away his fucking glasses, and then catches Plant with a left uppercut and then right hand over the top.
Oh, that's fire.
Hold on, play that fools me.
It is unbelievable.
Watch this.
Watch this.
He comes back, watches.
Boom, boom, boom.
Oh, that's fine.
Now, Al, before you're covering Mark Barely.
But let's just get that screen down.
So the reflex.
Okay, so a couple things happen right here.
Caleb Plant is doing the right thing to really hype this fight.
And I've never seen Canelo have this type of animosity.
So I'm actually interested.
I'm going to buy the fight.
They did one thing.
I'm going to buy the fight.
Caleb Plant got cut under his eye.
Didn't look like that big a cut, but it's going to stop him from doing certain training.
Like he won't be able to spar, right?
Because you want to make sure that thing heals up.
And it could open up very easily in the fight.
So kind of stupid thing, but this will definitely add, I mean, like, hundreds of thousands of pay-per-view buys for this fight.
What they did was unbelievable.
Should happen at every fucking fight.
What I'm interested in is Caleb Plant just found out how fucking fast Canelo is.
If you notice something really specific about this, Canelo pulls back to avoid the slap, but doesn't leave punching range.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he pulls back.
He's in church shoes.
Like, there's no way I could even throw a punch in those shoes.
I'm slipping, sliding all over the place.
Moves back, watch.
Plants his foot, steps back in.
Upper cut left hand, boom.
Open hand.
Open hand.
And he's so fucking smart to throw it.
Yeah, he throws it open and hits him with his, and then goes over the top.
But the brilliant.
Both were open.
Both open.
And think about how brilliant that is.
In the moment, one, you don't break your fingers or knuckles.
Two, you don't do too much damage to him where it's going to push back the fight that you've already been training for.
It's not worth the risk, right?
I mean, to have that wherewithal.
Like, this is the type of reflexes that you've been having to do this since you were six years old.
Yeah.
There's a documentary.
You guys can watch it if you want or not.
I'm not too sold on it right now, but it's called Schumacher.
And it's about Michael Schumacher, the F1 champion, seven-time F1 world champion.
Arguably the greatest F1 driver ever.
Like some people say Eric Tenseno was, but it doesn't fucking matter.
But it's a really interesting story about this guy Schumacher.
Schumacher was driving these go-karts, which is usually how people get started driving since he was a kid because his dad owned a carting place, right, in Germany.
And they would work on the carts and try the carts.
And they were basically getting scrap material to put these things together.
He always had the worst tires, the worst things.
And he said he loved beating the competition with worse shit because it means he had to out drive them.
And this is, and what happened is he learned how to have such a connection with a car, right, from a super young age that he was able to excel in his own ability, right?
He had less, so he had to do more.
He had to get, so he could achieve more.
This right here, what you're watching, those type of knee-jerk reflexes, like unbelievable timing.
Like he doesn't know he's going to swing on him.
He doesn't know if he's going to push him.
When you're in a fight, you know that you're going to get hit with one or two hands.
This, he doesn't know.
He's actually welcoming into punching range.
He's also thinking there's no way this guy's going to punch me because he's not going to risk the biggest payday he's ever had in his life.
And then in a split second to pull back, slap, slap.
Counter so well.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
Chance that that was staged.
I'm saying that there has to be voladmy right now.
I know.
Some people are saying this.
Some people are saying this, that it's potentially staged.
If it is, absolutely brilliant.
I'm glad that it's staged.
This is staged.
It's staged.
The push was so hard.
And the fact that both men struck with open hands, like he did a one-two open hit.
Who does a one-two open hit?
Wrestling?
Yeah, wrestling, which is like they do the stop.
I think what this is, this is just me.
I thought about it potentially being staged.
I don't think it is because I think these guys know it's on the line.
And I think there's animosity, but at the same time, there's millions of dollars at stake.
And it is not worth millions of dollars to keep your hands closed when you're going to be able to punch the shit out of that person in a second.
I think Caleb was just trying to land a clean slap on Canela.
Like, because his fingers touch him.
And I think if he lands a clean slap, he's like, oh, that's going to make waves.
Everybody's going to talk about this.
And I think he had no clue that Canela was going to come back because he cut him.
So it's like he tried to slap him.
And I think what he basically learned in this fight is, I'm not as quick as this motherfucker.
Do you think you can actually learn something from this?
Yeah, he learns he's fucked.
He really thinks 100%.
I think he learned I'm gonna have to bully this guy.
I'm gonna have to lean on him.
There's no way I'm gonna be able to outpoint him because if we're just going punch for punch, he's gonna be able to slip my shit and counter, and there's nothing I can do.
So, in a way, is this a benefit for him that he's like got this little trial under his belly?
He's like, Oh, he's got hands.
I gotta box him in.
He must know this already, but I think it hurts him because his confidence okay, it helps him in that his confidence has dipped now, but now he can find a different way to beat him.
Yeah, because he could go into camp going, Well, I'll just you know, punch with him and I'll try to counter him.
And now he's like, No, I'm gonna have to find a different way to hurt him because I'm not gonna be able to just exchange.
So, it probably helps him at the end of the day.
It probably helps him most because now he can have a strategy that is different than what he thought he might be able to do.
Because remember, every fight that he's gone into before this, he's won.
He's never experienced somebody who could beat him.
And I don't think he's ever even had an exchange like that in the ring where he's like, Oh, fuck.
I just tried to slap someone when they were standing right in front of me.
And he got two slaps on me in a second.
He's not even standing there with his hands up.
His hands are at his hips.
Yeah.
Imagine in the ring, knees bent, boxing shoes, hands up.
You don't have a chance, kiddo.
Yeah.
So, yes, confidence is going to dip, but maybe builds that confidence back up in camp by doing a different type of technology.
That's what I'm saying.
If the guaranteed outcome was that he was going to lose and just get absolutely pieced up, at least now he has some preparation.
And then when it happens in the ring, he's not surprised.
Yeah, he's like, okay, I expected this.
I remember getting slapped two months ago.
Yeah, 100%.
So I'm almost like, kind of good.
I mean, if you're going to get a trial, this is the best time to do it.
Kind of good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's staged because don't they have?
Usually there's some law or rule like, oh, if you put your hands on this person, it's like a crime or some shit like that.
Like boxers, their actual hands, their hands are weapons.
Yeah, but I think that like, must have had to been agreed on that.
Yeah, but I think that's one of those things where it's like, um, that you have to charge that person with the assault and he's not gonna press charges because he wants to fight the guy and the other guy's not gonna press charges against himself, or you know what I mean.
But uh, I also think that you can say, like he can say, I was pushed, I was worried for my safety.
Yeah, you know, do we do?
We could, were we able to hear what was said to make allegedly some mom shit, but I think it could be loss and translation.
He's like listen here, and then he just hears mother and fucker.
So he's like you saying that my mother is a fucker, you know like, and then just push because they were drawing a little bit.
But how much more exciting is boxing when you know they don't like each other?
Yeah, fuck all this.
Respect shit.
Oh, respect the craft.
Yeah, that's great, you want to do a craft, then do a fucking craft.
You know what I mean.
I want motherfuckers angry at each other.
Yeah, going in there reckless, wanting to take you down, like that is.
The stakes are so much higher, there's so much more to lose.
You get knocked out by the person who slapped you.
Yeah, now some people are saying that it's like the Showtime fucked up.
Like I think Dana White said that.
I saw it on twitter that he was saying that like they Showtime should have done something.
They should have had security.
They should have had someone between them.
Like whenever Dana does wins, he's always standing right between them.
So like if some happens, he can at least step in the middle.
Dana knows he ain't security.
If Jon Jones wants to fight Dc, there is nothing Dana can do and Dana knows that right now Dana might be able to hold back, like the 145 pound guys right, but if the 200 plus, but just him putting himself in there, like these guys respect him.
They don't want to want to be the one that swing on dancing.
Yeah, i'll be honest, he's brave for that.
I'm not standing in between Francis and Ganu and Stipe Miocich.
If they're actually angry at each other, I want help put one of them Takate girls in there.
I need separation.
Give me a buffer.
Yeah, I'm not doing that on my own.
But I think Dana's doing what he's supposed to do, which is shit on any other promotion that's interesting.
Yeah.
Like, this is a branding game here, baby.
Yeah.
Like, the brand is UFC.
And if you're not UFC, your shit sucks.
Yeah.
Simple as that.
So say why this is bad.
Say why they're fucked up.
Also, who's promoting Jake Paul's fights?
I don't know.
Showdown.
That's right.
Talking about fighting Connor McGregor with the greatest first pitch in history.
Son, this is.
I haven't seen it yet.
I didn't realize it was.
Oh, watch.
It was like that.
I mean, I'm shocked he's standing after what he went through.
Hold on.
Son, that shit.
I mean, come on.
Which, first off, if you're going to throw a first pitch, practice.
Practice.
Right?
Like, I think about this all the time.
If I ever get to throw a first pitch, I'm in the gym for weeks.
Like, I'm working on it.
I'm fucking, you're just batting practice.
It's like getting that shit.
They think, oh, it's just throwing something.
I'm throwing that shit as hard as possible and I'm taking the risk.
It's either going to be way off or it's going to be a strike going like 75.
Yeah.
And they're going to be like, yo, he came with you realize how far that shit is.
You get to the top of like an MLB mound.
You're like, oh, shit.
This is some distance here.
Cricket Pitch Practice Risks00:02:56
No, but if you've never thrown a baseball, you got to practice before you do it.
He's not even from America.
Like, he's never even played baseball with his buddies.
Like, I would never in a million years be like, oh, yeah, I can throw a cricket.
I could throw, I could throw a cricket ball, whatever that shit is.
No way.
Yeah, I don't know what the ball's called.
I guess it's assuming it's called the cricket.
I would never throw a cricket full speed and be like, yeah, I could throw this quicket, then hit the wickets.
Quicket?
Yeah.
Hit the wickets with the cricket.
I'm not going to.
I don't know.
I'm struggling.
Is the fucking word nerd struggling?
No, I mixed wicket with cricket, which if you knew anything about cricket, you know it's called the quicket.
How many points is a wicket?
10.
Six, you fucking retard.
Well, it depends if you hit both.
Then it's more than six.
No, it's not.
Yeah, it is.
It's always six.
Always, even if you hit both?
Yes.
And what if you don't hit it?
Six as well.
And what if you're knocking down on accent with your butt?
Six.
And what if the game's canceled?
Six.
Randall A. Six on six on this.
That's why these games go forever.
Nobody wins.
Everyone's just getting points.
People die.
Is that true?
Yeah.
Oh, what do you think about all those celebrities enjoying the Emmys without their masks on?
I feel how Seth Rogan felt.
How did he feel?
He said it was crazy what they were doing.
Did you see what he did?
He went on stage and he was like, which I actually thought he was misrepresented in the news.
So the news made it seem like Seth Rogan criticizes COVID rules at the Emmys, which he kind of does.
But if you watch his speech, it's actually, he's like kind of saying it as a joke.
Yeah.
It seems more in jest and he's like, there's a lot of people here.
I was told he was going to be outside.
I should not have come to this.
Like, this is crazy.
Like, I got sneezed on by this famous guy.
Like, it just seems like he's just kind of being silly.
Yeah.
Oh, he loved being there.
Yeah.
Like, I don't, I didn't see it as like, but all the conservative media was taking it as like, oh, Seth Rogan is shitting on COVID rules and he's a cuck and blah, blah, blah.
I'm like, all right.
It just sounded like he was making jokes.
No, if anything, he's actually calling them out for being like hypocritical.
What do you mean?
Because he's saving, he's trying to say face.
Like, wow, this isn't right when everyone's criticizing mask wearing and no one here is wearing masks and we're indoors.
So if anything, it was like him kind of making fun of the celebs.
Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't interpret it as like some type of like cucky, like COVID nerd like thing.
I don't know.
I thought that's how it was represented when I read the headline.
But I didn't think it was that.
When you read the headline, were you choking yourself with a belt while jerking off?
No.
Why would I do that?
Why would I do that?
For what reason would I do that?
Well, I don't know.
I just figured maybe you were doing that.
I just stayed with you, like, oh, Hollywood celebs, they stink.
Al, do you know what that word's called?
Well, autoerotic asphyxiation?
Yeah, can you say that?
I can't hear you, V. Like, he loved wearing that tux.
Autoerotic asphyxiation.
Asphyxiation.
Autoerotic Asphyxiation Headlines00:08:53
Say it.
Say it.
You wear a nurse?
Say it.
Autoerotic asphyxiation.
Yeah, you got that.
That's some New York shit.
Autoerotic asphyxiation.
He says order.
Autoerotic.
Autoerotic.
Auto, not order.
Auto.
Fuck you.
Okay.
Can you tell, see if he can pronounce a word.
Can you say nigga?
No.
I guess we both can't pronounce some words then.
I mean, I can.
I'm not going to.
I'm not going to.
There's too much blood on the word.
There's too much blood on the word, bro.
We actually got to pay Mark to not say offensive, racist things, dude.
You're like Neymar.
You're like me.
Yeah, we have to pay you yearly to not say racist, offensive things.
Just be constantly criticizing the brand and just saying racial slurs all the time.
Dude, we have to do this.
You know, Neymar makes $5 million a year just to not be racist?
Is that true?
Yes.
It's in the contract.
But you can't criticize PSG.
Do you know what PSG even stands for?
Yeah.
What does it stand for?
My god!
All right, can you tell a story about Al getting cocked on the plane?
Oh my God, dude.
I didn't get cucked.
Fuck out of here.
You got cucked.
No, I didn't.
You got your shit split by a white lady, dude.
This shit was unbelievable.
Now you're gone.
Now you're gone.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You thought you were going to be a hero?
Why not?
Hell yeah.
I can't even body that.
No, you didn't.
Say exactly what really happened.
Okay, so I'm on a fight.
I take a sip of my coffee.
I take my mask down to take a sip of my coffee.
I took a little while to put it back up.
This bitch had the nerves to be like, yo, can you wear your mask properly?
And I'm like, I have my mask on.
She's like, it's not over your nose.
And I'm like, I just took a sip of coffee.
She's like, well, how long does it take you to take a sip?
And I'm like, you don't know how long it takes to take a sip.
So we backing back and forth.
And so then she goes to the stewardess who comes over to me and is like, hey, what's the problem here?
I was like, nah, she's just mine.
She can't mind her business and shit like that.
And she's like, all right, well, just wear your mask properly.
I thought it was the end of that.
Is your mask on at this point?
Yeah, my mask is on at that point.
So then.
Put your mask on real quick.
You put your mask on real quick when that white lady told you.
So now I'm being an asshole.
So now when I go to take a sip, I'm like, ah, and then put the mask back on.
Yeah, it's just, she's fuming.
She's getting so mad.
So she had, she goes up to the lady again.
And I'm like, and then now the students comes over.
I'm like, yo, can you tell her to leave me alone?
And that's where Andrew comes in because he.
Nah, you before you started texting her.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
This is my favorite part.
So I'm texting, I'm texting everybody, telling them exactly what's going on.
But I have my screen fully bright so she can see everything that I'm saying.
I'm like, he's like, yo, this dumbass.
Dumb Karen bitch sitting next to me.
Don't mind her fucking business.
And then he goes in the text.
He goes, she's reading these texts right now.
She's like a font and settings.
Yeah, I don't play that.
And then you said something about like her husband and kid are over there and just embarrassed about her.
And I was like, her son is sitting right next to her watching her get bodied right now.
Oh, yeah.
And then she had to speak out.
Yeah.
And that's when she got pissed off again.
So she goes to the students again.
Third time.
Was it second or third?
I don't know.
But she just kept running it back.
So then the stewardess comes over to me and now we're just going back at it.
I'm like, yo, can you just tell this lady to leave me alone?
I'm here minding my business.
She won't leave me alone.
Andrew comes and he doesn't help at all.
What did I say?
You walk over from like a couple rows up and he's like, yo, sir, can you wear your mask?
And no one knows you're joking.
So you just put your mask on.
You just made the situation where you're going to be.
Why are you not wearing it?
Why would you not wear it?
It's Delta's policy.
It's a federal policy.
You love your Delta status.
So I'm a mask mandate guy.
Oh, yeah.
Are you?
Okay.
And you should be vaxxed and masked up and everything.
And I need to know your whole medical history.
Yeah.
That's my favorite thing in medical history.
It's just the best.
But anyway, go on.
All right.
So then, how did it end?
It gets to the point where the lady asks her to move her seat.
And she swaps with her husband.
So the husband's now sitting next to me.
He doesn't say a word to me.
Damn.
He just sat there, watched his wife get bitched.
And I won.
How was your coffee?
Coffee was delicious.
It was good?
Yeah.
Damn.
Almond milk.
And just a tip, by the way.
I mean, you've used the word stewardess five times in this story.
Don't sell that to the stewardess.
They're called flight attendants or, as Andrew calls them, sky waitresses.
Yeah.
Sky cunts.
What's wrong with stewardess?
It's a passe thing.
You're supposed to call them flight attendants.
My bad.
I'm just saying.
I didn't know that was a thing.
That's a thing.
Stewardess is offensive.
I call them stewardesses to their face.
Maybe that's why.
Stewardess.
Yeah.
Male or female.
This is this progressive PC shit.
Every word becomes offensive.
Yeah, dope.
You can't say retarded.
I've had, by the way.
I'm just wanting you to win your arguments with future.
No, no, no.
It's not about winning arguments here.
I've had, by the way, and I come on this podcast and I complain about flight attendants all the time.
I've noticed that.
The last two flights, the most pleasant flight attendants I've ever had in my life.
Dude, unbelievable.
This guy trying to say face down.
I'm not trying to say face down.
What I'm trying to say is...
How great they are now.
No, they're not great.
But what I'm trying to say is, I'm being honest with you.
This is just the, this is the Andrew Schultz thing where I shit on something and then it completely changes or my energy towards a change.
I have to purge it.
I have to get it out of the system.
So everything that I did, the more I shit on the flight attendants, the better our service is going to be on the flights.
I saved you from the flight getting turned around because of you.
Oh, yeah.
They told me to turn the flight around.
The waitress came up to me.
She came.
I don't even call them flight attendants.
I call them waitress.
How hard is their dress?
Waitress, may I have another biscotti cookie, please?
A biscotti?
It's a biscotti.
Biscoff.
What?
It's a biscoff biscotti.
They make biscottis.
What do you think it is?
Biscoff is the brand.
Biscotti is the type of pastry.
Is that true?
I don't think it's.
It's an Italian pastry.
It's a little coffee pastry.
You're good.
Duh.
Anyway, I said, waitress, I need to go.
I did say this.
She came up to me.
She was like, you have to tell your friend to stop messing around.
They do not take this fucking, oh, no, they take this mask thing seriously.
I'm talking to the pilot right now.
We might be turning around the flight.
Yep.
And then I looked at the white bitch right next to me.
I'm like, so are we turning this bitch around or what?
No, you didn't.
Yeah, you was there when I said it.
No, you didn't.
Yeah.
Yes, I did.
I was like, yo, so are we turning this around?
And she was like, and then she, she said, she said, I'm sorry, sir.
Whatever you want.
And then he said, yeah, that's why I thought.
Did she say the N-word?
No, but if it makes the story better, she dropped four of them.
See?
Four?
Yeah, four.
Just all in a row?
Yeah.
Fucking, what's that rap?
Where was the protest?
Where was the protest?
Oh, we should have done it on the plane.
I should be asking you guys.
I came in to support.
Oh, where were you, Mark?
You didn't help.
I was supporting at the back.
Oh.
Because there was a medical emergency.
Oh, and I was protesting that.
Oh, I thought by being in the back, you were allowing some people to be in the front for once.
Oh, no, no, no.
I would have preferred to be in the front.
I would have much rather that.
Oh, that is the other thing that was funny that happened in the flight.
Literally a few minutes later, the flight attendant gets on the loudspeaker and she goes, Are there any doctors or nurses here?
We need special medical attention.
And for a little moment there, I was like, yo, Al, don't put this bitch in the headlock.
I thought it was really going.
Which also would have been ironic because Al's a nurse.
He would have been like, actually, I am.
You can release it for breathing.
I can release it.
Catch and release, Al.
Catch and release.
Respect.
So you should learn not to get bodied on planes anymore, bro.
Wow, bro.
You see how I championed his story?
Just don't get bodied.
Mark was looking at his watch the whole fucking time.
I champion your story, and then you come after me.
Just don't get bodied on planes, bro.
I'm setting an example for all of you.
I haven't been getting bodied lately.
You haven't.
Which, the only thing the side I'll take is you spend that much more on a business first-class flight than others.
You should get three or four times equal consideration.
You get bodied.
I get bodied.
Wait, You get behave like a first-class person.
Yeah, they could tell you not from, yeah.
But I am.
You're not a first-class person.
Can I tell you the difference between me and them?
Can I tell you the difference between me and them and their little fucking attitudes?
Their business pays for their ticket.
They're not paying out of their own fucking pockets, those frauds.
They're going to do their business.
Yeah.
Ah, so they feel like you don't belong there.
They don't belong.
They're not really coughing out the bread.
See what I'm saying?
Microsoft or IBM or one of those fucking companies that they work for with their little documents.
Don't the venues kind of give you a little traveling stipend or something situation like that?
First Class Attitude Problems00:01:09
Actually, not anymore, but that was.
Oh, okay.
That was actually pretty good.
So what about the people that are not anymore?
The people that like run their own businesses, what do they fly on?
Say again?
The people that like run their own big businesses.
Like, what do they normally fly on?
They don't own their own businesses, those people.
The guy that owns Microsoft, I'm sure.
He doesn't fly.
He's afraid of heights.
Is that true?
Yeah.
He's afraid of heights.
So he just flies at a really low level?
Yep.
He jumps.
He taxis most of the time.
You'll get in the airplane, but he'll taxi almost always.
Dude, nobody ever taxied to their destination one time.