DaBaby pAIDS The Ultimate Price explores BJ Penn's near-drowning, Paralympic fairness, and a FIFA match where the host claims supernatural winning abilities. They debate Simone Biles' "twisties," the Twilight movie's age-gap issues, and Justin Bieber's insincere HIV/AIDS apology. The episode concludes with skepticism toward vaccine mandates as Big Pharma revenue schemes, airline status disputes, and a wager involving head shaving. Ultimately, the hosts challenge societal norms regarding sports integrity, celebrity accountability, and medical narratives while highlighting their chaotic personal lives. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Terrifying Wave Pool Story00:14:56
This morning, I read the most terrifying story that I've ever read in my entire life.
Okay.
And it is from an MMA fighter, BJ Penn.
Okay.
That was, you guys know BJ Penn, the prodigy, Hawaiian legend, was at a wave pool surfing.
Okay.
I will not say which wave pool.
You guys know how the wave pools work.
You guys have all surfed at them.
Well, no, you haven't, but most of you guys have.
The water is sucked.
Into an engine room and then spit back out, and that spit back out is what causes the waves.
This was at a trial of a wave pool.
I'm like getting choked up even talking about it.
He's really close to the wall.
He gets sucked into the engine room of the wave pool under the water, sucked into where the vacuums are.
He and the way he describes it was like out of a Saw movie.
He gets sucked in, water fills up the whole room and then water spits out.
Water fills up the whole room, then water spits out.
But we're talking about massive amounts of energy here, right?
So when the water comes in, you're tumbling turning, is banging his head and all these different things.
So it's not like they just stopped the pool.
There were so many people in the pool I guess they didn't even realize that he got sucked in.
So for a moment of time like an extended moment of time he's getting it's.
It's on his instagram feed.
You can uh read the story.
He's getting sucked into this room full of water holding his breath tossed around.
Water flies out.
He has a moment to get his breath sucked back in.
I don't know how many times that happens, but he said like the only thing kept me alive is my kids.
I was like, do not die, you have kids, they need you.
Do not die, you have kids, they fucking need you.
So immediately of course, I hit up my wave pool dude, i'm like, and he goes, he goes.
I'm not the type of person to call out a place like this.
You know, you invite someone over for a barbecue, they twist their ankle, then they sue you, that's up like they invited me over here for this.
So i'm not gonna shit all over.
But basically what they did is they put grates in front of the engine room like suction spaces, so now you can't obviously go through the grate.
Why they never thought of doing that?
On marine, you wouldn't think of that.
But bro, i'm watching this and i'm like the whole time.
I love the wave pool because i'm like I don't have to deal with sharks, I don't have to deal with all this other stuff.
If I bang my head, somebody scoops me out of there.
I stay alive.
And all of a sudden my biggest fear ever i'm trapped in a fucking water chamber right, just slowly drowning.
And then oxygen, slowly drowning, that's indoor jaws, it's indoor jaws.
That's crazy.
So how did he get out?
He just got pushed out or they stopped the pool.
I either got pushed out or they stopped it and they were able to get him out, or something like that.
I'm not exactly sure.
But imagine how fucking terrifying and like the sustained terror and he goes, literally being in the ring with these fucking animals.
My whole career like got me comfortable in times where most people panic, he goes and i'm sure that shit helped.
Yeah dude, now when you almost died in Hawaii, when you got your toes on the coral yeah, when I got what kept you alive, what did you think about in that moment?
Um, you guys, my kids.
I was thinking about my kids, thinking how much you guys needed me and I was like I gotta survive.
Honestly bro, just leave us in the window.
My girl's not sleeping.
I was like these motherfuckers are gonna rip me.
And when I almost drowned it in Hawaii, the reason I had to survive is because I gave everyone so much shit for not allowing me to surf.
The hotel was like you can't surf.
I had to ask all these locals to see if I could get a surfboard.
I rented a guy.
Guy dropped it off.
Anonymous dude comes and drops it off.
I think this guy's name was Nick, but like we don't know if Nick even exists, and they're like you shouldn't do this, it is very dangerous.
And i'm like oh, it's just what they tell.
A bunch of fucking howlies that come, i'm a surfer, I know how to do this literally.
The second time my fucking toe got caught in that coral.
I almost died.
Anyway, a new uh shred with Shults is going to be announced soon, so we'll sit in a wave pool near you, but no, don't get shredded while shredding No, but they fix the problem.
They put the grades.
Can it happen?
I spoke to my wave pool guy.
But that's fucking insane.
That should be at every wave pool for surfing, period.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, why would they not have it?
That's insane.
Fucking water parks you have.
It's crazy you wouldn't have that.
Yeah.
I really want to know how he got out.
Like, I wonder if he got spit out like dolphin style and shit like that.
You just see him jumping out the wave.
He got launched out.
That's the only way I could catch a wave.
He would need to get sucked in and then pushed out off the ball.
Yeah, that's the only way I'm catching up.
Okay, I'm sorry to start it on such a tragic note, so let's lively it up a little bit, okay?
If you want to see the greatest thumbnails you'll ever see, okay?
It's gonna sound like I'm a piece of shit for saving this, but the greatest thumbnails you'll ever see on all of YouTube.
And keep in mind, they know exactly what they're doing, and they got me into a successful time.
It's not your fault.
It's not my fault at all.
They know exactly what they're doing.
Okay, they're gaming your brain.
They're gaming my brain, and somehow the YouTube algorithm found out that I'm going to click on no matter what Paralympic sport there is, I'm going to click on it, but especially if it's swimming, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because they're missing the swimming shit.
Like, let's just be very honest about what's going on, right?
Once they get pushed into the pool, right?
They just kind of fall into the pool, right?
It's it's it's like when the um yeah, what is it called?
Uh, in the South Pole, you know, when the fucking the ice falls into the water, what are they called?
Penguins, glaciers, glaciers, glacier, yeah, so it's just human glaciers, right?
Also, penguins, it's the same thing, they're built very similar, they're literally penguins.
It's crazy.
So, at first, thumbnail is this.
The thumbnail is this.
And let's just, I'm not trying to make jokes.
Everybody knows what's going on.
These are Olympic athletes, so we're not making jokes, okay?
They can swim faster than me.
It's also more amazing that they can swim.
It's so much more amazing.
And also, why do we watch the Olympics?
It should only be Paralympics.
Yes, we can all do these things.
Watching people who shouldn't be able to do them do them is unbelievably impressive.
They're just iPhones.
They're just dropping iPhones into the pool.
And they're like, there's no way that they're going to be able to swim.
There's no way that's going to be.
iPhones float.
iPhones float.
These blinds are not.
It's unbelievable.
Okay.
So they're all at the edge of the pool.
And I'm like, I mean, is there just a guy whose job is to go thoink and then just push them in?
Like, what the fuck is going on?
I think they line up a bunch of them and it's like dominant.
Bro, when it was backstroke, I had to watch backstroke because that's the most impressive one, right?
Right.
Because, so, so, right?
And if you don't have any arms to hold on to the side of the pool, because backstroke, you start in the pool, they have a string you hold on with your teeth, right?
Or the next.
They'll do like the bottom of the neck.
If you're looking right now, the second picture is what got me.
Are you going to put it right here, Al?
Is it right here?
The second picture is what got me.
This handsome guy, six-pack shredded, and he's got two chicken wings, his arms.
Okay, and he does have that.
Say chicken wings, his arms.
Say, why not?
Why not?
Listen, he knows what he has.
I'm not being insulting.
The next video after it got me as well.
It's Paralympic table tennis.
The guy's got a fucking pig pong racket in his mouth.
Okay?
That's what I want to see, right?
Hanging out of his mouth.
And you know what?
He's playing Chinese style where the racket's facing down.
Oh, yeah, like, which I thought was kind of impressive.
Even without arms, he's like, I have a style.
You know what I mean?
They do pick the most pair of pictures.
Son, they do it on purpose, right?
Like, it's not.
Son, son, son, son.
So go to the picture.
It sounds like what we're doing is mean.
We are celebrating this shit.
It is mind-boggling more impressive that they can do this.
Anyone can swim with arms.
Anybody can swim with arms.
It's easy.
Okay?
Like, Al, why can't you say that?
Hey, Penn, get yourself out of the fucking wave pool.
You got all of your arms.
Al still can't swim.
I'm Paralympics.
You see my legs?
You see this guy's legs?
That motherfucker got like a hammy.
I want to see Paralympics.
They just put one black dude in the pool.
Oh my God.
This one girl is showing up in a wheelchair and they just dump her straight into the pool.
It's unbelievable.
It's unbelievable.
Now, look, go back up.
Okay.
Go back up.
Go back up, Al.
Go back up.
Now, the thumbnails are unbelievable.
And they know there's a social media person that works for the Paralympics.
And they're like, I need to create thumbnails so that people will watch, right?
So they know exactly what they're doing.
They're taking the most chicken wang picture of the guy, right?
Like, the guy's not even in the water.
It's a swimming thing.
They're looking for the most para picture they could get.
They're looking for the most para picture.
And the guy is holding a towel with one of his hands.
Chops.
He's got.
Oh, my God.
You're a fucking animal.
It's a wild kid.
Hot potato.
It's hot potato.
You're a fucking animal, Al.
How could you do it?
He's holding the towel.
But here's the thing.
This is why I don't feel bad commenting on it.
There's a discussion that went just like this at the Paralympic YouTube social media team.
It's like, how do we get them to do it?
When they're in the water and they look like everyone else?
No.
No, no, no.
When they're out of the water, yes.
How the fuck is he going to make it across?
Dude, there was a guy.
There was a guy.
There was a guy that had one leg, okay?
No arms in a head.
He looked like a ballpoint pen.
Okay?
The guy is in the water, okay?
And he is smoking these motherfuckers.
One leg.
Boom, boom, boom.
The elegance, the brilliance.
It was amazing.
Just a pogo stick in the pool, swimming way faster than all these other motherfuckers.
Some people got two legs, right?
There's not a separate one leg.
There can't be enough human beings for that.
So he's going against two-legged people.
He's going against two legs.
He's whipping that ass.
Whooping that ass.
That's a hero, dog.
Sun said, it is unbelievable.
That makes me the most patriotic.
It is unbelievable.
It was so impressive.
When is this on?
When is this on?
He's more fish-like.
Snoop Dogg comment on this.
He's more fish-like, though.
Say what?
If you have one leg, you're more fish-like.
That's what I'm saying.
Holy shit.
He got an advantage.
Yo, a lot of people should love this guy.
He can't take a knee for the anthem.
You know what I mean?
Like, let's think this through.
He's a patriot.
He's already given up his knee for the anthem, most likely.
If you really want to think about it, he's giving up a leg for his country.
Al, if you don't go up, go up.
There is one.
There is one right there.
I mean, the thumbnail of it is unbelievable.
Yeah, I'm telling you, Para Olympiad swimming.
How are the comments?
I'm curious.
Oh, I couldn't.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do the comments.
I couldn't do it.
I just clicked to watch the video and I watched it in good faith.
I wasn't looking for jokes.
I just want to see who won and I'm watching this guy just go.
It was literally a pool noodle.
Was going, was swimming faster than everybody else that was in there.
It was unbelievable.
And they know what they're doing.
Look at the fucking table tennis.
I got to watch the table tennis.
Please, Al, put the table tennis off.
Oh, my God.
Now, the question is: do you think you could outswim the gold medalist?
There's no chance.
Not even close.
Okay.
There's not even a bunch of people.
For the first time, you can't.
Get the fuck out of here.
Ping pong ball.
He throws it up with his foot.
He throws it up with his foot.
Son, what?
She was not para.
She was just fat.
In some countries, that's paralyzed, bro.
In some countries, that is a big problem.
Uh-oh.
Oh, okay.
Oh, no, she did it.
Get the fuck out.
Oh, okay.
Oh, no, she did it.
She got that one.
She got that one.
Boy, let's go.
That land in?
Stupid.
You thought.
Also, I don't think that's good.
Let's go.
Hold on.
Here goes our boy.
Let's fucking go.
Did you see?
Get the fuck out of here, dog.
He's nice.
I'm super impressed, though.
Yo, also, can I say something real quick?
And I mean this from the bottom of my heart.
If you have one arm, you're not at any disadvantage with ping pong.
You only use one arm for ping pong.
Not balance, though.
What?
You need a counterbalance.
Well, I'll put a little weight on your like Alex does with his tesla when he's trying to drive without driving.
The serve is tough.
Serve is tough.
Say what?
Serve is tough.
Ah, that's a good point.
Serve.
It's served.
That's right.
That's a good point with the serve.
Yo, this is fascinating.
Nah, we got to take it off.
Fam, fam, fam.
What is happening right now, son?
This, I don't care about.
This is easy.
I don't care about this.
My man's toe in his mouth, and he was putting crazy backspace.
Saliva dripping all over his ping-pong paddle.
That's an incredible.
That's unfair.
Nah, that's unfair.
What's para about these dudes?
So being a cousin is para too?
Say what?
Being a cousin is para?
Yes, bro.
No, actually, no, that's a different Olympics.
That's a different Olympics.
And that Olympics, I don't even want to begin talking about because...
Said he jumped up on a table.
He's not para.
Yeah, how do you judge that?
That's how he can't look at his hands.
He can't use his hand.
What's this guy?
What?
What do you mean?
One of his hands looks like he's been beaten off since he's seven years old.
This shit isn't locked.
Yeah, but that's just mild.
Nah, that fits the ping-pong paddle fits like that.
You're right.
It's a disadvantage.
Okay, let's move away from this because it's about to get sad.
But you got to compete.
What?
You got to compete.
So right now, the world record for the men's backstroke.
Okay.
The 50-meter backstroke is 42.7 seconds.
42.
I'd be lasting almost as long as that when I backstroke, bro.
My backstroke, bro.
My backstroke.
I'm about 43 seconds, dog.
I have to do 43 seconds.
I give him a solid 38.
Can y'all do 43 seconds, if we're being completely honest, of straight backstroke?
No chance.
Like pushing his, like really cracking it open.
Can you do 43 seconds?
No chance.
You talk about it.
With your girl.
We're talking about max power?
Max power.
Oh, max power.
Can you go max power where you see the ripples in the cheeks for 43 seconds?
Nah.
Can you do it?
No.
No.
There's no way.
No way.
Right?
Slow stroke.
Max power, dog.
Slow stroke.
So slow stroke.
Where you keep it in there and then you gyrate the hips like that a little bit.
Can you pretend you're doing something?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, this is all for you.
Your boy catching his breath.
But max power, just crack, crack, crack.
Under seven.
Come on, that's takeoff.
That's like running wind sprints.
You know what I mean?
Who can last that long?
Nobody can last that long.
High intensity interval training.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, bro.
Come on, dog.
Sometimes you got to leave it in there.
Talk shit.
Yo, I leave it in there and talk shit.
Let me look at my clock like, damn, bro, let's go.
That's why you give me the light.
You got to get the Apple Watch.
I got the heart rate going.
Your light is so good.
That'd be such a good.
If your girl was just like, hey, girls give us the light, bro.
They'd be like, I want you to come.
That's the light.
That's the light.
It's time for me to get to work.
Yeah, I have a meeting.
That's man charitable.
That's a great way of putting it.
Shit.
Let's go.
You ain't said it soon enough.
It's like your boss telling you you could leave early.
You could clock out if you want to.
Anyway.
Guys, we're back.
What's up, everybody?
That was an intense beginning to the podcast.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah, we really ran the emotional spectrum from terrifying to uplifting.
100%.
He did it all.
We got the dubbits back.
We got the truffle.
The truffles back.
Yutty.
From his trip to Italy and Greece or wherever the fuck he went.
And it doesn't really matter.
The only thing that matters is he got zero pussy holes.
Unbelievable.
Zero pussy holes, bro.
He goes to Europe.
What, two weeks, three weeks?
He was there for 10 days, bro.
He had to count it every hour.
Zero pussy holes, bro.
You spoke it.
Intense Podcast Return00:14:59
You speak Italian.
You speak the language.
Okay.
You were staying in castles.
It looked like you were staying in castles.
It was fly shit.
It was fly shit.
I'll give you that idea.
It was fly shit.
You're at the hottest parties.
Okay.
You're surrounded by uglier guys than you.
I agree.
There's no joke there.
That's a fact.
I don't know, Italians are nice.
No, I was telling just his squad.
I was just trying to say that.
Oh, okay.
I thought I was going to get a laugh.
Holy shit.
I tried to hit you with agreement.
I didn't have to laugh at me.
I was like, nah, you're right, though.
Facts.
No.
And then you couldn't manage to sleep with not one girl the whole time.
Vala, Vala would have taken down minimum three.
Vala would go to the pod, yo.
Vala King Bachelor over here.
He's the real king of the battery.
I'm not even in here.
I'm not faithful fans.
You were baiting yourself.
They already got the way to bait you.
You look like that ping pong guy.
What happened?
He didn't win.
I was fine.
He didn't wear it.
One per country.
Although he said, dude, he starts making Arabic.
No, the BMW happen.
Thank you.
I want to cut him off.
I thought you were speaking his language.
I thought you were trying to connect him.
I would have cut him off.
I was nuts.
Dude, everybody relax.
The whole fans are too aggressive.
I almost gave you the Heimlich for real.
I almost got it.
You might have needed it.
You might have needed it.
Go, go.
Be on guard.
Be on guard, motherfucker.
Oh, my God.
Al got a weekend off.
He's ready.
He's possible.
I'm going to lose too.
So I got a workout in.
Oh, it's a wrap.
Turquoise Al is a different beat.
Yo, turquoise Al?
Match of the shoe god, bro.
It's a problem.
You'll just jump out here like a Paralympics dog.
I thought he said the Pac Olympics.
I was like, Follow this country, got a competition.
Yo, who would win?
The Paralympics or the Pac Olympics?
Oh, dude, the Pac Olympics.
Pac-Olympics.
100%, bro.
100p.
100.
The Indian Olympics, that might be the guys are the Paralympics.
You do.
Actually, we should be allowed to compete with the Paralympics.
Playing ping pong with five arms, that'd be sick.
Hold, right?
That's a great point.
We're not letting our gods compete.
You better fucking chill, bro.
Yeah, that's right.
Wait, do you get baseball in the Olympics?
Cricket?
No, it's not an Olympic sport.
You can't even make it to the Olympics.
They got darts in the Olympics and they don't got crickets.
They got a bar sport.
It's not sure shit.
They don't got baseball.
They ain't greeting.
Yes, they do.
What are you talking about?
Who's winning right now?
Japan, Japan?
US?
Y'all cucks, yo.
Come on.
You're getting beat by the Japanese at the American last time.
Why are you talking you?
You got an American flag shirt on, you fucking fraud.
You need y'all.
They're talking y'all.
They're lounge.
I gotta have something.
Yo, son.
Pick the side.
Yeah.
You got lounge chairs.
You see that both, bro.
But there are American flags on it.
Yeah.
Anyway, back to you getting no pussy.
I got the best of them.
Wait, you did?
Did you get pussy or did you not get pussy?
I did.
Oh, the helicopter?
That is the end of the conversation.
How many?
Enough.
Oh, enough.
So that's more than one.
In the head of the business.
How many of you take down, bro?
Were you ripping cut?
Oh, deuces.
Oh, we had the number of girls.
Was that the number of girls or the rating of the girls that you select?
I think it was just one Japanese girl.
I would rather you joke that I got zero girls, but if I got a girl, she was a nine or a ten.
Don't ever ever again.
Oh, don't two me.
I'm talking about two me.
The two me movement over here.
Don't two me.
He threw the black girl head movement in there.
He got too.
No, but it is true, Doug, Dove.
That's all.
I got claws.
I'm at the claw.
I'm so junk.
I'm too excited about it.
Fuck it.
Okay.
But this girl.
What's up?
Al's colour.
His aura is beautiful right now.
No, he's got a good aura.
So you did hook up with two girls.
You're right about that.
Okay, so he hooked up with two girls.
So Dove is still dubbed.
We really thought that Bala got in your head.
I'll be totally honest with you.
We actually had internal discussions where we were like, I think we need to build up his confidence because this guy is just striking out left and right, dude.
I'm not striking out.
I'm not trying.
So I got you stood up.
I got you guys stood up.
Look.
Just because I got two girls doesn't mean I don't hate myself now.
You're fucking ruthless.
He's getting stood up because he's striking out.
Everybody's telling that story.
Everybody's talking about that.
Because we got to get this stuff.
Al never once has cared about overtalking.
He never once in the history of the podcast has cared about overtalking.
I'll have whole side conversations with Mark Durner.
He's on the phone.
Have the bottom to say the most vulnerable moment in Dub's life.
The lowest point in his life.
I see up the story and Al just goes, guys, the audio call, please.
Yes.
No.
Dub before, it was the day before he went on the...
The day before.
He has a date with a guy.
Jubra!
The first Jubra that he's dated in how long?
Maybe his life.
I would say years.
I would say in years.
He finally goes off the reservation, right?
I don't know why I'll be doing this, but okay.
He finally goes off.
He's a beautiful young man.
A beautiful young Hebris.
He's a nice girl.
A Shebru.
A Shibra.
She's a Jebre.
She Bruce.
Okay.
So.
He has a date with her, right?
All of a sudden, we get a message to the group, Chat.
I need to find it.
You got to go get it.
I can go find these texts.
He was in such a vulnerable state.
He was spiraling.
He needed to know what to do.
He was spiraling.
He needed support for the people he loved.
Stood up by this Jubris for two hours.
He was miserable leading up.
He was already miserable leading up to it.
He was trying to get his confidence up before he fucked Shicks in Europe, right?
That's what he was trying to do.
There's a bunch of goys he had set up in Europe.
He was trying to get his confidence up, clean the system.
This Jubrus knew.
She fucking knew.
Okay?
She fucking knew what you were using for me.
Someone say she wasn't.
She doesn't know some of these kinds of things.
So basically, stands him up.
Stood up.
Not basically.
At the altar.
Absolutely stood him up.
But the way she stood him up.
Wow, God.
Most disrespectful.
Do you have the picture?
We need to have it.
I'm trying to find the screenshots.
I couldn't find them.
Was it to the main group, chat?
Yeah, I'm throwing the mail.
Oh, it was F2 Miami or the other one?
I don't know.
I mean, someone please get it up.
Someone, please get it up.
I mean, it's unbelievable.
This is worth a pause.
It literally is worth a pause on a podcast.
You were getting drunk.
I got the text.
Okay, go.
Go.
You want the full text?
Full text.
Go.
Some of this might have to be redacted.
Okay.
Go, go.
Basically, we get a text from Dove.
This is what friends do, asshole army.
8.50 p.m.
You have a vulnerable moment.
You share it with a half a million people immediately.
Honest to God, guys.
Dot, dot, dot.
I'm being stood up right now, sitting alone at Ludlow Soho house.
She won't respond to my messages to ask where she is or if she's coming.
30 minutes in.
Dot, dot, dot.
Yo, you sound like a female.
I know, son.
He really.
That's like a readout.
That's how you sound real dark.
The sassiness that he hit her with?
Oh, my God.
I thought I was reading a female text.
Yo, that's wild.
All right, go, go, go.
I understand why she didn't come.
My date was a Jew exclamation point, exclamation point.
And I flaked.
You hear the disgust?
And I flaked on a Muslim with the heavies for this, period.
Yeah.
And then Miles sends a Palestinian flag.
Keep where she was.
And then Dub just sends a picture of wine glasses at the Ludlow house.
Empty.
Empty.
Mine.
And then he started spiraling, right?
Because he had admitted to all of us of what a loser he was because he got stood up.
And he's like, I need to prove that I actually get laid.
And he just starts taking pictures with random women and inventing backstories.
Like, oh, yeah, I met this girl once at Mikonos.
I'm like, we just happened to be at the bar.
You're totally into me.
Loving my dick.
Next one, another girl.
It's like five different girls that you randomly bumped into.
I had a night afterwards, but those are all real moments.
Nah, I don't buy it.
I don't buy it, dude.
Your response to her.
They were all great real moments with non-Jewish girls.
Can we do the text that you sent to her?
I actually, y'all, I go to the next one.
This next level.
This is how you know he grew up with sisters.
But why did you know he was bad?
I'm there for an hour and a half, have to lie to the waitress to say, oh, you know, my friend isn't coming for dinner.
They were going to be late.
We're going to go link up somewhere else.
Oh, okay.
I think he's going to be a little bit more.
Get the pity bars.
Just get the pity bar to get a drink and then go to a dinner spot.
I'm just going to meet him at the restaurant.
Yeah, you also could have just been honest.
Yeah, just say you're stood up and be like, hey, what time do you get off?
Like, right?
Yeah, you made it seem like a good guy.
Like, oh, I was covering for her.
So I go and hook up with another friend who's out of drinks, and then I made up for.
Okay, we don't need to know.
You don't know the text.
Go to the text line.
Oh, yeah.
So anyway, I left and then she responds back.
Are you still there?
So the first is just a question mark.
And then this is Dove.
Am I being stood up?
Head explosion emoji.
Please tell me you're dealing with an emergency.
Where?
Question mark, question mark, question mark.
She says, where?
She goes, where?
Question mark, question mark, question mark.
And then Dove sends, question mark, question mark.
And then she says, are you still there?
Dove says, ring me.
Is this all for real?
And then she says, just the word sad.
Are you still there, Dove?
And then Dove says, I'm going to be polite here.
I think you're a troubled person and you need some real help.
Let me know if you need any support.
Period.
That shit was fine.
That shit is bars.
That shit was fine.
You couldn't bait me into saying you, bitch, this or this.
I have a mental health.
And she still held up.
She hasn't responded.
I feel like I did something to her friend or something like this.
Can I be totally honest?
It was you?
You thought you were going to go away for 10 days in Italy, not tell me you're going for 10 days.
And you think I'm going to let you go away on like a good emotional train?
No.
No.
I know this girl.
We were DMing and I said, please stand this piece of shit up because he thinks he's going to go away to Italy for 10 days without selling.
No, it's not a lie.
It's a lie.
It's not a lie.
This was a Riot match.
I didn't tell you about this date.
You don't think he'd been on Riot Dog?
There's no possible way in the world.
No, I was on Riot.
No, he been on the day.
I'm sorry for you, bro.
No, no, no.
I'm still on Riot.
I know.
I'm just on this motherfucker.
I will ride his cyber.
He's never met a woman in his life.
Never.
I thought he was going to go on vacation for 10 days, not tell anybody.
So, no, no, you're going to get a little punishment before you go on that vacation.
I asked her if she would stand you up.
Impossible.
And it worked out perfectly.
And I told her to say sad.
Impossible.
I think.
Where did you say, how long are you going for, Dove?
I thought you were going for four days.
That was 10.
I had to send a DM.
Did you just say a work week?
A work week.
I said, I'm taking a week off, right?
So it's Monday, Friday.
My weekends, that doesn't count.
I'm not on the road with you guys.
So if that equals 10 days, those were my 10 days.
Five days of work.
That sounds like nine to me, bro.
Yeah, it sounds like nine.
Bro, I took three days.
I took three and I got killed.
Yeah.
Oh, the next time Mark gets to go see his family, it's a high school graduation of his motherfucker on a plane.
Yeah, yeah.
This guy didn't even tell me.
I had to find out from this dumb bitch that I had to GM just so I could ruin a date.
Dude, you would have thought he was going to slide off to Italy feeling all good after fucking a Jewish woman.
No, dude.
It would have been a good send-off.
It would have been a good send-off, but no, we had to kill that shit.
I need your confidence destroyed.
And the first girl in Mikonos, Muslim.
Was she really?
Moroccan.
Wow.
I think you end up with a Moroccan girl.
I really do.
Son.
Either side?
Peace in the Middle East, son.
Just bring it together.
I honestly think you're single for the rest of your life.
And die alone.
If I do end up with someone, it will be no thanks to you.
Yeah, that's it.
I can guarantee.
No, no, I'm going to hook you up.
I'm going to find a nice girl.
I'm going to find a nice girl.
All right, guys.
We're going to take a break for a second because I got to tell you about the infamous store, Charlotte.
I know the weekend was sold out.
So we added another show.
We added a fifth show, Charlotte, for you guys because you asked.
We love y'all.
And so go check that out right now.
DeAndrewSchultz.com.
The infamous door dates are up.
Go look at it.
We're coming to Dallas.
I think Dallas is sold out.
Houston is sold out.
Maybe there's some single seats.
Then we're coming out to Tucson, LA.
Those might have a couple single seats.
Go get them.
But then check out Milwaukee, Detroit.
We had a second show in Chicago.
We had a second show in DC.
We had a second show in San Francisco.
It's unfucking believable.
Philly, we're playing the Met.
It's crazy.
These venues are absolutely insane.
We got a lot of fun shit in store.
Cannot wait to be out there with you, motherfuckers.
The infamous tour, theandrewscholls.com for tickets.
Go now.
Do not wait because they will be gone.
I'm telling you, I am imploring you.
Go now or forever hold your peace.
Go now.
Theandrewscholes.com.
And before we go to Akash, I just got to say huge congratulations because my man Akash is sold out in Toronto, man.
Thank you.
That was wild.
Big moves, big moves.
First show sold out in like three days, four days.
We had the second show sold out in four hours.
Wow.
So now we're trying to see if we can find a bigger venue.
Maybe we can have more shows.
Toronto, we're going to figure it out for you.
October 15th, whenever those new dates come up, might be 15th and 16th.
In the meantime, Naples, Florida, I'm at Off the Hook Comedy Club this weekend, Thursday through Sunday, October 5th through, I mean, August 5th through 8th, September 23rd through 25th, Moontower Comedy Festival.
I'm going to be there.
I might also be there for other things.
Who knows?
Toronto 15th, we talked about Atlanta 5th, November 5th, Atlanta.
I'm at the Red Clay Comedy Festival.
Come through November 11th through 13th, Indianapolis.
I'm at Helium.
And the DC show has been moved to December 9th through 11th.
They're trying to get us a bigger room as well.
So I'm going to be at the Comedy Loft in DC.
Check that shit out.
And guys, you know, I have a studio with Weezy.
It's in Soho, New York.
You can do podcasting, photography, just get lit for the Graham.
Head over to WTF Mediastudios.com and book your appointment today.
Now, let's get back to the show.
I think it's gross that he's not out here just smashing chicks in Europe.
You know, he is.
He just said he did.
But only two.
I mean, before, how many would you have taken down?
I mean, it's not that he's not.
He's a quality guy.
Maybe he didn't want to.
Maybe you know, he's looking at the music.
Also, he showed up to Meekinos when they had a ban on music.
So we literally were bringing little speakers to our table.
A ban on music?
Ban on music.
No, but that works out perfectly for him.
I think that he planned that.
Because if you're like, think about this, think about this.
Comedy Tour Dates Announced00:15:04
No, this makes perfect.
If you're at the club, right?
If you're at the club, it's just visual.
It's a meat.
It's a talk and it's just vigil.
You're dealing with guys that are fucking Reuters.
Italians, bro.
Big fucking Italians, right?
And then you can't do your truffle.
And how you get laid is through truffle.
It's not through your body, right?
So what you do is you find the one place in the world that says no more music.
You bring your boys to that place and you're just truffling it up.
Now conversation matters.
Now combo matters.
All these big beefy Italians can't talk shit.
They're dumb.
You're out there.
That's not for Italy.
And Mikanos said all it's money.
Tell the story it's not exactly.
I like the beefy option.
For the story, you know what I'm saying?
Just for the story.
For the story.
Come on, guys.
We're going to take some liberties here.
You know what I mean?
Like me DMing this fat girl that he was about to do on the show.
I didn't DM her.
I don't even know who that girl is.
But for the story, shut it up.
For the story, I did have a conversation with her.
Chunky little Jewie, you had that night?
Oh, yeah.
Cutie.
No, dude.
That was a good felt of fish.
That was a big old fucking fresh out of the oven.
You know, halibrate.
What?
You can't say that.
No, you're crazy.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Why would you even think about that?
I'm thinking about bread.
Oh, no.
Unleavened bread.
That's fucked up.
She burned you like that.
We're always thinking.
That's a whole thing.
That's fucked up.
She burned you like that.
Yeah, she didn't burn you on that date.
It's a real true.
She really did, dude.
Nah, but I do think she was fat.
That's probably why she couldn't make it.
There was no Uber XLs in the area.
Now, can we be honest here?
If a girl stood up Vala, do you think he would show up to her house with stones?
No, no.
Come on, Don.
To knock on the window and say, yeah, just romantically like Romeo and Julia.
With the stars.
And honor killing is a voice.
Nah, it's funny.
We may have to cut this, but Valla's an animal.
Why would he just say animals?
First of all, he's cooking for us right now.
Yeah, so I don't care.
I don't give a fuck.
So we're in here Friday.
Play some FIFA.
Have a little visitor.
Visitor, just like cool person.
And then I try to hook the visitor up with Miles.
Yeah.
And she was about it.
And Vala wasn't having it.
No, no, no, no.
She was about it.
I didn't know Miles was out of town.
So I hit Miles up and I'm like, yo, I got something for you.
Good to go.
You're good.
Son, before Vala doesn't know I hit up Miles, he's already inviting her out to drink.
And I set it up for Miles.
And he knew that you were saying that.
He knew I set it up for Miles.
He saw the confirmation for Miles, son.
Wow.
Yeah.
Nah, that's fucked up.
That's an ad.
That's why he's cooking.
He feels guilty.
He's cooking.
He feels guilty.
But you know what?
Fuck Miles for ruining Brilliant Idiots YouTube page.
He deserves that.
He deserves no pussy until he gets Brilliant Idiots YouTube page back.
Fuck you, Miles.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
Okay?
I hope you gain all the weight back that you lost, you piece of shit.
It's unbelievable, dude.
He lost the last 20 episodes of Brilliant Idiots, right?
It's still gone.
Where do they go?
They don't just disappear.
Something happened.
There was some fat hippopotamus girl in his department guaranteed just walking over of his keyboard and deleting 20 of the episodes.
FIFIFOFOM audio Brilliant idiots.
Maybe it's a girl that stood up dunk.
Yo.
Maybe.
You got cucked by Miles, bro.
Dude, that'd be crazy.
That would be wild.
A girl who stands you up for miles, son.
I love this so much.
No, but we need to do, we need to have a conversation because I think there is something that happened recently.
Uh-oh.
I got the fire back, guys.
Ooh.
I got the fire back.
You know, I haven't played video games in over a decade.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I stopped playing video games because I need to focus on my career.
I thought you were talking about herpes or something.
No, no, no, no.
Totally different fire.
I was still there.
I had a game.
That one never goes away.
So I went out there and I haven't played video games in over a decade.
Right.
Okay.
And I've heard a lot about this.
I've heard a lot about it.
Guys, so Chifty's like, yo, why don't we do some streaming?
Why don't we set up a stream?
I'm like, all right, set up a stream.
I didn't give a fuck.
Mark stupidly challenges me to FIFA.
Now, you have to understand this, and I mean this sincerely.
I've never lost a game of FIFA.
I've never been beaten in FIFA.
Nobody can beat me in FIFA.
It's a natural ability I have.
I am the greatest to ever play FIFA.
I played with the Traitor on.
I'm being honest with you.
I'm being honest with you.
Nobody has ever beaten me in FIFA.
Talk that shit.
And Mark has obviously dedicated his entire life to soccer.
He loves it.
The later part of his life to comedy, right?
But his whole life was dedicated to soccer.
He really understands the inside of it.
He understands the game.
He only plays.
He still plays soccer to this day.
To this day.
Listen, he wasn't chasing pussy.
I was chasing pussy.
The guy was playing.
He was chasing soccer balls.
That's what he was doing.
He was like, look at how he's dressed.
He's playing soccer right after this.
He's fucking shredded.
He's ripped.
His legs are absolutely amazing.
Got the fat soccer ass.
Like, this guy knows soccer in and out.
Knows the sport, okay?
He goes to the gym, does soccer drill soccer medicine ball.
Bro, out of nowhere, the guy can do the dribbling soccer drills with a medicine ball.
The guy's fucking talented.
The guy's talented.
I'm not going to take away from him to tell him, okay?
Now, son, if IG girls, if you want an ass, you need to do Mark's assistance.
You got to do what Mark has.
You got to do a Mark's right up.
So what he does, he challenges me to FIFA.
It should be easy for this guy.
It should be easy for him, but he doesn't understand.
Obviously, when he's challenging me, he doesn't understand that I've never been beaten in FIFA.
And you guys think I'm joking or I'm literally, and I mean this when I say this, I am the greatest to ever play the game of FIFA.
No, It's not even a question.
I'm literally.
You're the Neo.
You were like, you're born in it.
That's what it is.
It's all it is.
I'm telling you.
The one.
I'm the one.
And here's the thing.
I haven't played in over a decade.
It doesn't matter the year.
The last one I probably played is 2009, 2008.
I don't even fucking know.
I don't even know when it is.
Listen, I don't even know the players of the game.
I say, just give me the controller.
Mark, remind me what the buttons do.
I forget what the buttons do.
I forget what the buttons do.
Mark reminds me: I go, are we playing national teams or are we playing club teams?
He chooses his club team immediately.
He knows it.
Yeah, Liverpool, bro.
Liverpool, his fucking team.
I just choose the next team that's there, Man City.
I don't even know.
I just choose literally the next team is there because it doesn't matter to me.
I will beat.
I told I beat you with any team.
I said, you could choose my team.
You let me have Man City.
So I go, I go, fine, I guess I'll take this one.
I can't name a single player on Man City.
I can't name one player on the team.
I don't even know who to go to.
It doesn't matter because I have God-given talent.
God, God.
God.
Hallelujah.
Say it again.
God.
Amen.
Bestowed this talent upon me that I will crush the competition if I play them here.
Holy war.
It is my holy war and I will be victorious.
This is what happened.
Okay.
So we decided to play this game.
We started playing.
I figured out the buttons real quick.
And then much to Mark's chagrin.
Is that the term?
No, he's chagrined in a motherfucker.
This motherfucker was chagrin.
He's chagrining, boy.
Mark was chagrining out here, bro.
Much of his chagrin.
Straight up.
Al waited for three different times to make sure he knew how to use the word.
I got this one down.
I got this one down.
I was like, I'm letting it loose.
Okay.
I was really hoping I would come in with it.
But he said chagrining.
You do his deal like Bariah.
Like, okay.
Okay.
So we start playing the game.
Okay.
Mark, and I was baffled, but he's ignorant to my skill level.
So I understand where it came from at the time, but I was baffled.
He was a child when you, you know, when I started playing the game as a kid, you know what I mean?
He didn't understand this.
He didn't understand the time that I put into this.
You have to understand, like, I was doing like edibles and playing the game.
It's like, you remember when the spider bit spider at Peter Parker, right?
Like, and something happened inside of him?
When I did the edibles and I was playing the game, something happened with my brain.
My brain changed.
I can't beat the video game at FIFA, but there's not a human being that I can't beat because the game is all up here.
I know what you're going to do before you do it.
I predict everything that happens.
I'm seeing it.
It's literally like Neo.
I'm seeing the Matrix.
I don't even see players.
He's in the middle of the day.
I see green shit up and down.
He's just green ones and shit up and down.
And I'm just seeing.
I'm like, okay, boom, pass.
Goal.
I put a goal in his pussy hole real quick.
Just to let him know.
I put a goal in his pussy hole real quick.
Motherfuckers come from me and I got to let them know.
And I put the goal in the pussy hole real quick.
And I got up and I was just like, this is a statement goal I have to make, right?
Then the guy scores a cheap goal, right?
Yeah.
My goalie kicks it to him and then he just kicks the goal.
It doesn't even count, right?
It doesn't even count.
Why are you playing my goalie?
You're the goalie.
Yeah.
I was stupid because I had to.
You gave him an assist.
I gave him an assist.
So even when you score, I still get an assist.
That's a great point.
So I'm just racking up points left and right.
So then he scores another goal.
Now he's up 2-1.
Thinking, he's actually thinking that he's on a roll now, right?
The second goal, completely luck, is fast break.
It's completely lucky.
I gave him that.
It's called the breakaway.
It's already breakfast.
Yeah, whatever, whatever.
It doesn't matter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He thinks he's up.
And I'm looking, I'm like, yo, this guy actually thinks that if I want that, like, if I don't want to turn it on, like, at any point in time, like, I can't change the momentum of this game.
Like, he's actually looking like he's getting comfy in his chair and shit like that.
I'm like, what's going on here?
And that's when I decide to take the game seriously.
Again, I can't name a single player on a team, but that's when I decide, and for lack of a better word, I did, I did take your players and I spread them out on the floor.
And I just, and I literally, I played sock and bop them with their fucking assholes.
Was literally each one of them.
I ripped open their asshole.
I spit in it and I fucked each one of them like that.
They're just bent in a row.
One, two, three, four.
How many people are on a pitch?
Don't even know.
I don't even know how many players are out there.
But one after another, goal, goal.
Nothing you could do.
You started changing formations, bro.
Tell me how to change formations.
Wow.
I'm here, Beyonce.
Let's get in formation.
Let's talk.
Okay, Beyonce.
All right.
Are you finished?
I'm not finished yet.
I don't think he's finished, Mark.
I'm not finished yet.
After I win easy game, came back from one goal down.
It's no big deal.
What was the final?
3-2.
That's all you wanted.
I'm going to go to.
Am I supposed to go?
I put it on, and the internet starts to go crazy.
They're like, yo, yo, you got to play it again, play it again.
I'm like, for what?
It makes no sense.
Because you didn't stream it.
We were streaming at it.
We were streaming at it.
And you only started streaming at the 80th minute.
They didn't see any of the goals.
They didn't see how lucky you got.
They did it.
Everything was there.
They saw a winning goal.
There were no goals after we started streaming.
That's less stretching.
Bro, it's on YouTube.
Just look it up.
Let's be honest.
There's a lot of people in my DM saying that.
You went back and re-watched it.
I did.
I did.
I looked at it.
You need to re-watch it a lot.
I just want to say everybody who's DMing me, and I mean this sincerely, I'm not talking as someone who is arrogant.
I'm not talking as someone who's cocky.
I'm not talking as someone who.
No, he's a humble guy.
He's the most humble guy.
I say this in the most humble way possible.
I will have you on the corner selling pussy.
I will have you on the corner selling pussy for $5.
If you ever want to challenge me in FIFA, I will have you on the corner selling your pussy for $5.
And then I'll come collect that money and then send your ass right back out to the corner.
I'm the greatest to ever do this.
Never been done like this before.
It's natural.
It's in me.
I'm telling you, the edibles hit.
Something that happened when I was in college and it's never been the same again.
You, the person right now watching, thinking, oh, I'm going to bust his ass.
I will have you and your family on the corner selling pussy for $5.
And if you're in another country, it could be Euros.
It could be yen.
It could be Slavlockis.
I don't know what the fuck it is.
That's what it's like.
That too.
That too.
Worth more than their currency.
You'll be selling food on the corner for $5.
It's not even about the money.
It's that simple.
I'm telling you.
What I do is I come in there and I fuck your team up.
I fuck your team up till your mom's pussy get wet.
I fuck your team up till your mom's pussy get wet.
I do.
I fuck your team up till your mom's pussy get wet.
And then what I do is I water the pitch with your mom's pussy.
I just wipe her up and down the pitch and I water that whole pitch and then we come back in.
It's just like the Zamboni.
I Zamboni the pitch with your mom's pussy.
That's how nice I am at this fucking point.
So what I'm thinking.
Say what?
I don't even know what's happening.
The pitch is what they call the green shit where you play the soccer on the field.
Oh, they call it a pitch.
But they call it a pitch, bro.
This always happens.
Anyone that actually plays FIFA will know, like, new guys will get lucky every now and again.
Then they think they're God's gift of FIFA.
So first off, it's legit a fluke.
He's a FIFA fraud.
He doesn't actually do this.
And it's offensive to anyone that actually likes FIFA that you think you're even good.
This is what's legit offensive.
Here's the metaphor for what I'm going to do to whoever plays me.
This is the metaphor of what I'm going to do to you.
What are you going to do?
This is what I'm going to do.
I'm going to take my hands and I'm going to separate your mouth and I'm going to push my dick as far into your close.
How long have you been doing that?
That's what it feels like.
It wasn't even that deep.
It wasn't that good.
I'm not talking to Mark.
I'm not talking about the other people challenging me.
I'm not going to be able to do it.
How long have you played FIFA?
How long have you played FIFA for?
Say what?
You played FIFA for 10 years?
Every day, five hours?
And you could only beat me one time lucky off one goal, bro.
I've only been playing for a year.
He said he hadn't played in 10 years.
He's been playing since 2000 to 2010.
He's been playing FIFA for 10 years.
This is your argument.
You've been playing FIFA 10 years.
This is 10 years.
This is your argument.
And you're only beating me by one.
This is your argument when I'm saying I'm taking mom pussies and I'm dripping them all over the fucking business.
Because I'm being realistic.
You're just talking crazy.
I'm not realistic because I'm not real.
I'm not real.
I'm not a real person on that pitch.
That's fake.
What is the point?
I am fake.
You're fake.
I am fake.
That's how you will describe me.
You're fake.
That's how the people will describe me.
They will think I'm my greatness by calling me fake.
They think I'm on PDs.
They think I'm on E-Black.
You just said you do edibles.
You are on PD.
You're on Edibles.
You're on Edibles.
Nah.
That's PD.
What happened?
Yeah, it is.
Jakari Richardson.
I'm part of it.
I'm messy.
You're having an HCH early on.
And it grew me into the greatest player ever.
I'm fucking beef up and rock steady.
That's who I am.
I'm not playing around.
And if any of you pussies want that shit, make sure your mom had a big glass of water because she's going to be dripping.
You're embarrassing yourself, Brennan.
You're embarrassing yourself.
What do you mean?
We already registered the esports FIFA team.
Flagrant.
I'm being honest, because he doesn't really do this.
He's a problem.
He's going to embarrass all of us if he tries to play one person.
When it comes to FIFA, it's a problem, dude.
But he already embarrassed you, so what's the point?
It was literally the luckiest goal of all time.
He didn't want to stream.
He did three of them.
The stream got late.
But he did three of them.
That's what I'm saying.
Three of you.
Did you get your cheeks clapped or did you not get your cheeks clapped?
With all due respect, when you got off beating the whole naked suction sound?
That's a lucky goal.
Lucky goal at the very end.
Bro, you've been playing your whole life.
How it's lucky?
I'm going to say I'm going to do it.
Three lucky goals, though.
Three lucky goals.
Three times a charm.
How about you do yourself a favor?
Do yourself a favor.
Do everyone else a favor.
Set up another game.
I'm lucky then.
I'm lucky.
FIFA Esports Team Registered00:08:04
When I beat you.
I'm lucky.
When I beat you.
Your mom's lucky, too.
Your mom.
You're at home watching right now thinking you could beat me.
She's lucky.
She's a lucky lady.
Very lucky lady.
I mean that.
Grab your waifu.
Tell her to have a big gulp of waifu before I come play you at FIFA talking shit.
I got motherfuckers.
I got motherfuckers coming for me wanting to play again.
You want it again?
Why don't you set it up again?
You're crazy.
Why don't you set it up?
You want it again?
You're crazy.
See, this is the thing.
He only does things he can control.
He only does things he can control.
And he knows that I'm going to wash him in the next game and he doesn't want to set it up.
You know what I'm saying?
He got personal done, bro.
He only does shaves.
I'm talking about hypothetical people's moms.
Let's run it back.
Let's run it back.
People's moms, pussy.
Because I really do this.
I'm angry at you as a man.
I really do this.
That was disrespectful, son.
Literally, literally, literally, during that game, at one point in time, your asshole whistled.
Your asshole whistled, son.
That's how deep I was getting in that ass.
I literally, I heard a lot.
Nah, real talk.
Mark was getting tight, son.
He was getting tight.
I was furious, son.
My man was furious.
You were there.
You should have seen it.
You should have seen it.
Son, stop it.
Let's run it back.
When I beat you, I want you to shave your legs on live.
Son, son.
When I beat you, I want you to shave your legs on live because I don't want my bitches' hair.
I don't want my bitches' hair.
I want you to shave your legs on live, bro.
You finish that bar.
Finish that bar.
I can't hear you.
That's what I'm saying.
I need you to shave my leg.
I don't want you to shave your legs on live because I don't like my bitches' hair.
And if I lose, I'll shave mine.
Okay.
I don't respect.
You shave your head.
That's what I was going to say.
That's all I was going to say.
Put your hair on it, pussy.
Put your hair on it.
Nah, you shave your head, pussy.
Put your hair on it.
Hey, hey, I like my bitches bald.
Okay?
I like my bitches bald.
That's what I'm saying.
I want to tell you to shave your head when you're halfway there right now.
You know what I'm saying?
I want you to shave your fucking head.
Shaved.
Bald.
Easy.
Done.
Let's deal.
Done, bro.
Wow.
You a wild boy.
I'm not going to lose, bro.
I can't lose.
You're going to shave your whole head.
I can't lose.
Keep in mind.
Keep in mind.
I haven't played in a decade.
You play every single week.
I don't have a TV.
I legit don't have a TV.
I literally, you play every single week.
You had no console at home.
You brought the console.
It's your console.
I don't have any TV.
I saw you switch it.
Pussy.
Right?
Pussy.
My fucking switching.
Like, I don't even know.
He probably kept the white one race as motherfucker.
So I take the trash control.
Don't matter if the keys are all sticky and all that kind of shit.
Why is the black one the trash control?
Nah, there was a button that was sticky.
It was a button that was sticky.
As it's coming up, there was a button that was sticky, son.
There's a button that was sticky, but it don't matter.
I didn't even use that button.
I was like, jerking off the jump rally.
I don't even need that button.
I could take less buttons, bro.
It doesn't matter.
Point is, you got your ass worked.
You got your ass worked.
The people saw you get your ass work.
Al saw you get your ass work.
When I said, Al, please just correct me if I'm wrong, because I forgot.
I'll be forgetting.
I'll be forgetting.
Sometimes when you so great, you forget your greatness.
I forget because I'm pretty sure I was like, I'm going to put a goal in his pussy hole right now.
And then I think immediately afterwards.
You put a goal in his pussy.
In his pussy hole.
And that shit went super easy, bro.
It wasn't even time.
He tapped up the whole uterus, everything.
Everything.
It wasn't even clogged.
There was mad room for other shit.
They almost started putting furniture in.
He's still waiting for me.
Marker has put his new couch in there.
Honestly, if it was his pussy hole, he could have put his whole couch in without chopping it up to get in the apartment.
You could have slid the whole couch in.
There'd be more room.
We could go play some FIFA on that fucking couch in the pussy hole.
That's how gaped I had that shit.
It was crazy.
What happened?
What happened?
Order, order, order, order.
No, I'm getting crazy right now.
No, no, I'm about to be disrespectful.
I'm about to be disrespectful.
I feel like that's what I'm saying.
When I fuck people up, when I fuck people up, it's different.
I leave them pussy holes gaping and I leave them assholes gaping.
You couldn't be ass up.
You could beat Alex.
You have some.
You couldn't be Alex.
Don't put me in this.
You legit couldn't be Alex.
You got somebody straight butt cheeks in this game.
And I legitimately can't be my asshole.
No, I don't think you could be Ark.
Nah, you could take my ass off.
You couldn't be Archaege.
Oh, You might be the worst in the room, legit.
Oh, You got to get a victory first.
Bro, I beat Alex.
I didn't even know the controller.
You didn't even know the controller.
Bro, I'll beat Alex.
I was asking for the buttons.
He didn't tell me until after half.
He didn't tell me after he started scored.
After half of what he's up three, then he's like, oh, this is how you do it.
I'm like, the fuck?
Catch up.
Like, what do you want me to do?
Sush, it's unbelievable.
I was really upset that I missed the horror.
Shut the fuck up.
He's going to read how to fucking go.
You don't know how to play video games.
You play Mario Kart with the rest of the ladies.
We talk about man shit.
FIFA.
Nah, chill out.
FIFA.
Mario Kart is.
Not Mario Kart.
I will spend money to train you, Mark.
What?
I'm going to hire you.
He's going to read the hacks on the internet like they do NBA Jam.
He got the thing out there.
Oh, you don't think he was reading this whole weekend?
Yeah.
Mark was in here in the weekend practicing.
What was I doing?
Setting up an apartment.
I'm setting up an apartment.
And Mark's pussy?
Where are you setting that up?
Cam House.
No, I'm not just not talking shit, bro.
I'm not good at video games.
That's my point.
Yo, Mark want to victory.
Hey, hey, Mark, I'm going to lose.
See how easy that is?
Just saying.
I'm a lose.
Nah, I don't know.
It's dream.
You'll feel the weight off your shoulders.
The way that Andrew's dick, I'm going to lose.
When I play, I'm just being honest.
When I play the game, I'm a different human.
Mark can't say that.
He can't say he's going to lose.
He's a loser.
Oh, bro.
You're a loser.
I mean, you.
I'm just saying.
I was going to a loser.
That was harder.
I had a tournament set.
We'll do it in Andrew's news.
Shut the mezzanine level.
No, do it in Andrez.
We'll do it in Andrew's new mezzanine level.
You don't talk too much.
Andrew talking about a fucking Twitch tournament.
You got cuffed out of your new mezzanine level at your apartment.
Yo, yo.
Wait, wait, wait, what?
You just got off?
Let's go, dove.
Let's go, talking.
Okay.
There is, I heard something.
That should have happened on this chic Soho mezzanine level that Andrew had that he had to take a shit to earn his man.
Suck him in the wave pool.
No, dove.
It's his girlfriend.
Suck him in.
Office.
He's not even in the shit's office.
But she's lost.
He's not even in the spins level, bro.
He got bodies.
He doesn't need that.
I got bodies.
That could have been the FIFA room.
You no longer have a mezzanine.
Can I be honest?
You no longer have a mezzanine.
I don't think you're about to be.
Paying for shit is overrated.
Paying for shit's overrated because you got to keep reminding motherfuckers you pay for shit.
Oh, yeah.
Like, if you keep paying for shit, they think your shit don't cost no money.
You know what I mean?
Like, holy shit.
Now, don't get me wrong.
My girl set up the whole apartment.
She set the whole thing up.
Like, she did all the returns and all that other kind of shit.
You know what I mean?
But she's like, I've done so much work setting this whole place up.
And I'm like, that's your part.
I've been there.
I'm in there.
That's your part.
I've been there.
I did work.
What you paying for this?
We just got the money to pay for it.
You think it just showed up in the account?
We ain't going nowhere.
We ain't putting no work.
Truck sold them a discount, too.
They got a discount.
But when it comes to the mezzanine, it sounds like she went like that high.
Can I be honest with you?
What I said I was doing to people on FIFA, that's what happened to me.
I got my pussy hole split wide the fuck open.
Bro, huck Tui inside, bro.
It was destroyed.
Put the whole mezzanine together.
And then she was like, This is great for my office.
The second she started being like, What is that?
When you take ownership with it, my possessive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You done forgot the word my.
Yeah, no more myself.
I went to the slide, mys.
Yeah, she's like, The same she started saying my, I was like, oh, it's all.
Hey, listen, once you engage and married, ain't no more possessive.
It's her possessions.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Worst case scenario, you get half your shit back.
Yeah.
And that's if everything falls apart.
I'm looking at that shit on your shit.
You know what it is, bro?
You know what it is, bro?
This is my wrist is my mezzanine.
No, Akash is the mezzanine.
Her body, her choice.
That's all I'm saying.
It ain't what it is, bro.
Moving The Couch Upstairs00:09:33
Damn, son.
We got body out here.
You got to break that out.
That's an extra time in the office.
I call it the office.
It's our office.
It's our office.
So I just be up there just for the point of it.
So, like, I just went up there to do some notes and shit.
I'll just been up there spending time.
Just doodling.
Doodling.
It don't matter.
Moving shit around just to frustrate her.
I take her books.
I reorganize it in ways that she don't like.
Yeah.
Put the binding in first.
Yeah.
Y'all can tell these done that stuff.
100%.
I was reading.
Why is that so upsetting?
Yo, why is it whatever my idea is, it sucks?
Why is that?
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because, like I've told you before, it's very important to me that you have a hard penis.
Okay.
I know that feels weird.
Maybe some of you right now.
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Okay.
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What is it called?
Viagra, C. Alice, all that other.
But this is the chew.
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Now let's get back to it.
Why is it whatever I suggest immediately?
It's like, I guess, immediately sucks.
Trash.
I think women just love inconvenience.
That's what it is.
I think once my girl figured out that the couch wasn't going to fit up the stairs, she wanted it more.
Oh, yeah.
What's the couch?
What's the counter?
Yo, first off, we go to fucking Restoration Hardware.
Or after you got your ass fucked in Tim.
Oh, this is after you got your shit.
Oh, my God, dude.
We don't need that.
Bad weekend.
Bad weekend.
Gaping hole.
Yeah.
She's waiting for some retail therapy.
Yeah, exactly.
And I was like, yo, I'm going to get control of my life back.
All right.
At the restoration hardware outlet.
And then we go in and we're looking at this couch.
And she's like, yeah, it's fine, whatever.
And then we talk to the guy.
He goes, all right, sales are fine.
It's just like a leather couch.
I don't know.
What type?
Restoration hardware is the nice shit, son.
So this shit was all scuffed up on the back.
But you put it back to the wall.
Yeah, exactly.
How much is it normal price?
I think it was like 10, 8 or something.
Restoration hardware was good.
But this whole thing's a hustle.
First off, furniture is a hustle.
I was looking it up on like Reddit and shit.
They're like, they make it in China for like $100.
I wanted to get a Chinese couch if I could.
Yeah, that's not.
Well, you did.
Yeah, basically.
You just paid not Chinese.
I didn't know they had America.
I was going to hit you up for that.
Brother, the Outlet's fire.
I wish I knew that.
That shit just hitting you right now.
He said, I'll wait this out.
When he told me that shit, I was so furious, bro.
I was so upset.
I knew he would find a way.
I knew he was flying away.
All right, anyway, go.
Keep going.
So we show up.
It's a fucking four-story walk-up with the tightest staircase, stairwell ever.
And the guy's like, all right, yeah, it's this many inches long.
You have to go back and check the stairwell, then come back and buy it in person.
So we're going back and forth four times.
The building don't got an elevator.
No.
That's what I'm saying.
It's four stories.
Outdoor space.
Don't got that fucking elevator.
Fuck out of here.
What the fuck?
You're not even outdoor space.
I wonder why you got a fat ass on that walk upstairs.
What should we be doing?
He's a stairclimber every day.
Stairclimber, non-stop.
No, I take him two at a time.
It doesn't take as long.
It's only a two-story walkup.
You're doing hello.
Okay, go on, go on.
So we get there the next day.
They drop off the couch and he's like, all right, yeah, we're just dropping it off.
No carry up.
Nothing.
Like, why don't you do white glove?
What is that?
They got to save it.
They do everything, bro.
Hey, it's worth the $50 or whatever the fuck.
This is how stupid I am.
I didn't know that option either.
This is how stupid, though, is that I look at the overall price and then I'm like, all right, I'll save money on the move.
You're in retarded.
Yeah, you're done for that one.
No, you're done with that one.
Because I'm realizing I'm getting like fucked over on it.
Can I tell you something, Mark?
Can I be honest with you?
Please be honest with me.
And I mean this after having 47 years of life.
This is true.
There's no saving money with these women, bro.
No, bro.
It's over.
There's no saving money, bro.
Because wherever you save money, it's going to cost you more the other way.
100%.
There's no saving money.
I love marriage.
There's no saving money, bro.
There's no saving money, bro.
I'm telling you, bro.
There's no saving money.
Even when you have a day that you're going to save some money, you're not going to save money.
No, they'll find a way.
They know.
They'll find a way.
They know.
They have a sense somehow.
100%.
100%.
Go.
So we're up there.
We're measuring.
I'm like, look, honestly, babe, I don't think this is fitting.
There's no way it's going to fit.
And she's like, well, you know, it's fine.
We can find another couch at some other, you know, place, you know, maybe an Ikea couch.
And I was like, really?
Dream girl.
Don't do this.
Oh, yeah.
Don't do this, though.
But like, no, because I feel like she's like, getting me into it.
She's disappointed.
And then finally, disappointed.
Yeah.
So I'm going to disappoint her.
She knows I'm going to people please.
So I'm like, all right, fine.
We're going to get the couch.
And she's like, all right, but don't hold it against me if it doesn't fit.
Oh, that's the whole point.
Well done, dog.
I was like, that's a crafty one.
I know.
And she was like, she's like, all right, so we're in this together, right?
Like, it's not my couch.
It's not your couch.
It's our couch together, you and me.
And I was like, oh, is my car paying for it?
And then we get the couch, we show up, invite all her CrossFit friends over.
They all come over, which is actually a good group of friends to have if you're trying to carry heavy shit.
Yeah.
And then we carry it up one flight of stairs.
It's so close to not fitting.
It's like an inch clearance on either side.
And the staircase is getting more narrow as the higher you go.
Yeah.
So I'm like, it's just not going to go.
So we get to the second floor and we're pushing it and we're like squeezing it, trying to make it go.
And then it punctures probably a two-foot hole in the wall.
Fire.
Like punches in basically through the drywall, like protruding almost through the wall on the other side.
Sheep ass walls.
Yeah.
Legit.
I'm assuming there was a hole already there.
Everybody else, it didn't fuck up the couch, though.
They had like a little covering.
The couch is probably the couch is fucked.
Everything's fucked up.
You should have just fucked up every wall on the way up.
That's not your apartment.
Watch out.
Wait, did it go?
Did it go into someone's apartment?
Pretty much.
Like, not all the way, but like, I think it was bulging.
I think there's like some stranger things bulging.
I love living in Brooklyn.
I don't know.
Fucking paper-mache rice paper walls.
Some poor woman comes out.
She's like, hey, what are you guys doing?
We're like, oh, I was carrying a couch.
And she's like trying to do small talk while we're there.
She's like, you guys moving in?
I was like, yeah, dude.
No, we're not moving there.
We're not moving into the building with this giant fucking couch that we just sent through your wall.
Yeah, go on.
And then we get to the top, it doesn't fit.
We carry it back down.
No, the same way we get to.
We got to the fourth and then we got to the third and had to carry it all the way back down the same way.
So far, we've been doing this for an hour and a half.
We've been moving this fucking couch.
Oh, my God.
I feel like I overpaid for it.
I'm just so pissed off about.
And then we get downstairs and we call the guy.
He's like, oh, yeah, I'll chop it up for you tomorrow.
So the guy's going to come today, cut up the couch in like 50 pieces, and then carry it upstairs and reassemble it.
And it's going to look like a Frankenstein with like cuts all in.
I don't know how they do it.
I don't think it's possible.
No, they do.
They just go through and through a seam.
I'm 100% sure, right?
Bro, don't you guys have hoisting companies in New York?
How are you?
You're not hoisting a couch, though.
No, You can do that, but not in your window size iron.
Probably not.
You can't fit into it.
No, show us the window size, but I would just bad at measuring, as we can see.
Well, we got to take out the air vents because the place ain't got no HCs.
Wait, wait, you know what?
I mean, the window, you ain't got to come down.
You have a terrace.
Yeah.
You have a terrace.
But it's all the way up at the back.
Yeah.
So the hoist goes to the terrace and the couch goes through the door from the terrace.
We're not hoisting the couch, bro.
No, that's not the best.
That makes it cheaper than cutting up your couch.
This makes a lot of sense.
The hoist, we can't do a hoist.
I'm gone for one week.
And this happens, Mark.
You can do a hoist.
No, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no.
But I'll get to a hoist.
The idea of cutting up the couch came from that guy.
How did you know that?
What?
Because he told us.
So you're the idiot.
I didn't know you wanted to.
I want a hoist.
I could get you a hoist.
Wait, that was your idea to cut it up.
Yeah, but you didn't ask me about hoisting.
Why would you listen to him, bro?
I understand.
I understand the city.
Sometimes you need to cut up a couch.
You want to have a good couch.
They gave grand pianos through windows in this fucking city for 100 years.
No, you cut up a grand piano.
I'll cut up a grand piano right now.
I get a grand piano cut up for you by three o'clock.
By three o'clock, I have a whole grand piano cut up for you.
Easily.
Would you put it back together?
Have you guys seen Big Lebowski?
Yes, but I don't.
That's what is the guy's name, the fat motherfucker?
Donnie?
No, no.
I can get you a gun.
I'll get you a gun.
I can't get you that easy.
Shut the fuck up, Donnie.
The guy who's just shut the fuck up, Daddy.
Okay, so what is about it?
He's up.
Whenever you got something, you got to call it.
All you did was call.
I was in Italy, sending me a picture of this couch.
What do you think of this couch?
I was like, it's nice.
It's pretty deep.
I literally have a lot of people.
You have to understand.
Like, you live in a Hasidic Jewish neighborhood, right?
People are known for having massive families.
You don't think they can get a big couch into a small fucking building?
Of course, there's different ways to do it.
I think all the little kids, they carry the shit up.
There's small hands.
It doesn't matter if I carry it up.
There's no room to get it in.
There's got to be other ways to get it in.
So what you do is you get a sectional.
Ain't hoisting all you doing.
Ain't got every moving CrossFit is hoisting some shit.
I know.
Think of this.
Y'all could probably just hoist it up to the fourth floor yourself.
Just launch it.
Yeah.
Honestly, you get some Hasidic Jews and you put a Jew on it and you pretend it's a bar mitzvah and they will have that shit.
They will just wing.
Just put them on the chair.
Four or five of them stack them up on their shoulders.
That's it.
It's Robbie Slovak, that motherfucker.
So it's a wrap, huh?
Yeah, it's a rap.
It's just sitting in our lobby on the side with a giant like all sales or finals sticker on it.
They know it doesn't fit anywhere.
Finding Space For Sectional00:02:22
So yeah, there's my life.
Do you put a note?
Growing up.
Not move it.
Let me see a picture of this couch.
Maybe I'll take it off your hands.
Maybe I'll show you this couch.
Especially in New York.
Motherfuckers just think that shit is growing up.
It sucks.
The influence of the influence of disappointment.
Like if you're a girlfriend listening right now, your wife, whatever like that, you can play that disappointment card and it's very effective.
Oh, it's the most effective.
But you can't play too much because then we build resentment.
So if you're disappointed just enough when you need something, we'll go do it.
If you're always disappointed, now all of a sudden we get used to it.
And then we're just like, oh, you're just a fucking bitch.
And then we start cheating on you and then have a whole other family on the side and then you just get left with nothing.
But if you, if you, if you have enough disappointment every once in a while about some things, simple as that.
Like, I'm already roped into, I already know.
There's no disappointment here, but like I already understand how I spiral.
Like, we're trying to figure out a place for honeymoon, right?
Yeah, so but it's winter, right?
And we don't want to go somewhere cold for honeymoon.
You want to just like fucking relax, right?
So, um, we're like, I, the place that we actually want to go might be somewhere in Europe.
So, like, I'm like, all right, why don't we just wait till summer?
And she's like, okay, but should we just go somewhere like just for a couple days after the wedding?
Right?
So I'm like, so I go, I go, yeah, it'd be nice to just go somewhere for a couple of days.
It's not a big deal.
Like, we'll go up to like wine country or something like that.
She's like, yeah, I've done that a lot.
You know, I come from that area and that kind of thing.
All right, maybe we'll go somewhere else, right?
You feel the tides turning.
Yeah, yeah.
Once in my mind, it gets set that we're going to go somewhere, it's over.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, like, once I go, like, so now we're having two honeymoons, yeah, already.
And this one, the stupid one, it's probably going to be crazier than the first one, other than the second one that we're supposed to have in the summer.
What the fuck is that that happens?
Like, this happens all the time.
We're in the fucking container store and they show me like the cheapest version of the build out, right?
And then right across from it.
We just had a closet built out.
Exactly.
So right across from it is like the little bit more expensive version, right?
And I'm looking at this one.
This one's fine, but I'm looking, I'm like, what's going on over here?
Like, what's this thing about over here?
Because you've committed to paying already.
So if that's $20, even like when you go to McDonald's and it's a little bit more for the large, and you're like, but it's so much better.
It's so much more.
This closet is so much nicer.
It's not more, but it's nicer.
So it's like, you're not looking at the overall cost.
You're looking at the proportional jump up.
It's like, only $400 more.
I guess it's a way nicer thing.
Proportional Cost Jump00:11:51
What's the difference between $4,000 and $4,500?
I'm not saying that's how much it was, but $4,000, $4,500.
Now I'm only already spent the $4,000.
The $4,000 is gone.
So now I'm like, well, it was $500.
Yeah.
$100.
That's how they fucking get it.
And then the first one's overpriced anyway.
So you're like, all right, that's $4,000.
This one's way nicer.
Yeah.
It's $4,500.
That's no deal compared to the first one.
And we're going to see that.
How it got you into your apartment.
But how?
Because I remember you initially wanted to pay like nothing.
I was like, Mark, just fucking pay it.
And then he did that with me, too.
I know.
But two months later, he came at with like double the price.
Double the price, Rent.
And you were doing something crazy.
But you signed off on the crazy place.
This is what it is, bro.
It is what it is.
But that's the thing.
Mutually short switch.
Why do we take financials?
We're all fucked.
We're all fucked.
Okay.
We're all fucked.
Every time I walk in my new apartment, I'm like, why did I do this to me?
Why did I love hearing that?
What is going on right now?
What is happening?
You ever have that?
Like, who's in charge here?
Who's in charge of my life?
I don't know.
Sometimes I don't think it's me.
I don't know.
No, we're not, dude.
You just float.
Go ahead and sign up for the Patreon immediately, please.
Okay, we've got some expensive apartments we need to pay for.
Patreon.com/slash flagrant2.
How fucking funny would that be?
How fucking funny would that be?
If we just got literally everybody that listens to this podcast to sign up on the Patreon.
It was almost like a reverse troll where like they're just they just want us to compete to like waste money.
Oh, that'd be fun.
It's just five dollars for you guys.
But to us, it's a lifestyle of difference.
Oh, it's great.
Should we do it?
Guys, man, content challenge.
Okay.
Guys, what's going on?
Should we talk about some things today?
Is there anything in an hour and 15 minutes?
Let's have some conversation.
Okay, what do we have to do?
What do we have to do?
What do we have to do?
Some Olympic stuff?
Did we talk about it?
Yeah, America's still losing in the medal count.
Well, not really, because I'm not counting certain things.
So, like, the Italian that won the 100-meter dash was born in America.
He's American.
His name's Lamont.
Like, that's as American as you get.
His dad's black American dude.
That's Fred Samford.
Yes, come on.
So, why isn't he running for America?
Because I'm 100% Italian or whatever fucking cock shit it is.
But you're American, dog.
I'm sorry.
You're American.
We won that medal.
You can give it to the people in Italy, but you know, you're born in El Paso.
Your dad's black American.
It's a one-day rule.
It's like the speed from your Italian mom.
I'm pretty sure we know where the speed came from.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yes or no?
Yeah.
I don't get it, though.
His father is a soldier, was stationed in Italy.
Okay.
And so they moved there when he was very young.
So he grew up properly Italian.
What age?
Pardon?
What age did he move?
I don't care.
You're born in America, you're American.
You're a kid.
You're born in America, you're American.
Or if you move here and you compete for us, then you're also American.
So one drop rule, but for days.
Exactly.
One day.
Especially if you're like an important race is like the 100-meter dash.
That's ours.
Your American side won it.
Let's just be honest here.
Your American side won it, okay?
When the Indian kids win the spelling beat, we know who won it.
Yeah.
Then it's India.
Yeah, they may be from America, but we don't won it.
It's the Indian side.
They're spelling the American words, but still.
But if you count that, though, America loses some medals other places.
Well, we have to decide that.
Go.
Like, Suni Lee won mad golds for America.
Her family's from Minnesota, but they originate from somewhere else.
I don't know where.
She's Hmong.
Oh, really?
She's Hmong.
Yes.
So she's originally from Laos, I believe.
Right.
And the Hmong people, they're like this ethnic group that exists in that part of Asia.
And we basically brought them all over here because they sided with us in the Vietnam War.
That girl made the Vietnam War worth it, if you ask me.
100%.
We now won the Vietnam War.
We now won the Vietnam War.
We took your best gymnast.
You could have won the gold medal out there in Vietnam, but you wanted to pop off with that communism shit.
So we had to yank that talent out of here.
And now here we are, gold medals.
Okay.
But yeah, so the Hmong people, a lot of them, I think, are in Minnesota.
I think that's where the largest Hmong population.
I think when we were in Sacramento, there was a Hmong person in the audience.
But she won for America.
But by your standard, wouldn't she have then won that not for America?
No, because if you move here and you're good, then you're American.
But was she born here?
If you're born here, you're American.
Or if you move here and you're good, you're American.
Those are the rules.
Okay, cool.
I like those rules.
If you move here last week and you win a race this week for America, you're American.
But the Italian guy?
He's American.
Anything that benefits us, we win.
You see what I'm saying?
Were you looking for like a through line of logic?
I don't want to lose American medals.
No, no.
All the medals count.
Also, if it's an American sport, and another country wins, we win.
100%.
Skateboarding, all that shit, we win.
That's awesome.
Oh, so we're winning the medal count.
We will always win the Olympics.
The Olympics is an American sport.
That's an American activity.
I get it.
That's just what it is.
And we have to accept it for that.
All right.
What are you looking up, Al?
I don't know.
I just wanted to actually see the medal count.
But what is it?
Is it that bad?
All right.
So China's got 29 golds.
Okay.
United States has 22 golds.
I don't like that.
We're still winning the overall.
We got 64 overall medals.
And we're getting into track and field.
Like, this is our shit.
Right?
But there's no Shikari.
Is it?
You mean Jamaica shit?
I think it is.
I mean, we lost a hundred meter to an Italian.
He's American.
But American Kid got second.
Say again?
American Kid got second.
Yeah, American Kid got second.
And an American should have won.
Where were the Jamaicans?
I mean, that's just devastating, dude.
Yeah, well, they were winning all the women's ones.
They had the men run for the women?
I don't know.
But they killed it, though.
All three of them got first.
But usually they bust that ass.
Yeah.
Anyway, so America, we need to really fucking step it up, dude.
I mean this.
Track and field, I think the swimming, we should be getting some medals and swimming.
Swimming, I assume.
I saw one of these dudes, Caleb something, beast.
Dress dressle.
Beast.
Dressler.
Do you think there's a direct connection in the Paralympics between the countries that we bomb and how good they are at those sports?
Like, it sounds really fucked up.
Let's go through the list.
Japan?
Well, no, no, no, no.
Now we're talking about like recently.
I don't think there's a lot of middle.
The Middle East are not killing it.
I'm just asking.
We're just spitballing.
Because would those be American medals then?
They should be American medals.
That's all I'm trying to say.
American medals would, you know.
Is the para going on right now?
No.
Again?
It happens right after the Olympics.
I mean, it should only be the Paralympics.
It's funny.
Or a week after, yeah.
Oh, so this is just to open an act.
They're the headlines.
Pretty much.
Yes, yes, yes.
Okay, a couple things that are interesting about the Olympics.
The trans athlete from New Zealand, the weightlifter, lost.
Yeah, got that.
Which proves, I believe this was Mark's point, that she was an industry plant.
She's a progressive industry plant.
She was put there knowing she'd lose to normalize trans athletes.
The biggest issue with the normalization of trans athletes is they're so much better, at least for the men that are transitioning into women.
They're so much better.
How could you possibly let them compete?
They're just going to destroy these chicks in every event.
This girl goes to compete in the powerlifting.
This girl, I'll put in quotes, goes to compete in the powerlifting, loses, right?
And now the trans community gets to say, hey, see, we're losers.
We're losing.
Real talk, though.
Isn't that interesting?
Yeah.
So do you think that was the point?
I don't know.
Like, I floated that idea before, but I don't know necessarily.
Because, well, one, if the testosterone levels are lower, I think that does actually affect your ability to lift weights.
Okay.
And then, so that's like for like, oh no, it was just, she just lost.
But the other side is I don't know enough about weightlifting, but what I was reading is that like she did the same lift, like the same amount of weight three times in a row.
So you get three lifts and they like aggregate your weight or whatever.
And so normally you would do like, I think the weight to beat was like 128, 128 kilograms for like the snatch or whatever.
I have a note, but go on.
And she, and like the girl that won did like 120, 125, 128.
And that's like a normal progression for that kind of thing.
Right.
And this girl just did 125, 125, 125.
And then didn't contest the one where she actually got it over.
So she actually got the weight up at 125 on one of the lifts, but they disqualified the lift because they said it was like two movements or something.
It was like a technical weightlifting thing that disqualified that specific lift.
And you're allowed to like appeal one of them.
So there's like some strategy to it, but they didn't appeal that one.
So some people for the side of like, oh, they just threw it, were basically saying like she went in, intentionally did three lifts that were like crazy high for her PR and didn't try to like get anything on the scoreboard initially.
Because normally you would just try to get one lift, get it on the board.
That way you have points.
But they intentionally didn't do that and then just bowed out.
That way.
Yeah, that's industry plant.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
And you're supposed to lose.
Of course, that's what this whole thing is about.
But I don't know enough about weightlifting to know like if that's the strategy.
How much you need to know, lifting.
What are you talking about?
Strategy.
Did you get it up?
You got it up.
Was it more than the last person?
You move on.
Yeah.
Simple as that, right?
Of course, she did a weight that she can't do and then it failed.
And then now we get to say, oh, let's be progressive and let men compete against women, which defeats the entire purpose of the Olympics having different categories for men and women.
It's just ridiculous.
Yeah.
The fact that we can't, I mean, whatever.
Dude, let's make it all one category.
It's like, how many times are we going to say this?
And people are still going to argue.
They're still going to argue forever.
They don't want, you can't allow logic to it.
Dude, it's like fucking UFOs.
That's the new thing.
Trans is just going to become UFOs.
They're going to keep on like, they're going to keep on giving us information about like how it's true and how it's real.
And then eventually we're just going to be so like bogged down with all the information and be like, nah, I don't care.
Yeah.
It's just like if US, if UFOs come now, like how many different versions of like a blurry image of a UFO have we seen?
How many different like Navy pilots have said, oh yeah, I saw a UFO and we're like, all right, cool.
Thanks.
Moving along.
What did the baby say?
Like we care more about the baby's comments than UFOs.
It's going to take them landing, aliens landing on our talking about trans.
And then they don't give a fuck.
They're going to have to get canceled.
They might have to say what?
The aliens might have to like compete in like a sport or something for us to give a fuck.
They're going to have to do something.
And I don't think that they'll be that strong.
Why not?
I think if you're smart enough, like the smarter we get, the weaker we get.
Right.
So I think like, you know, back in the day, we were probably way stronger than we are now.
Right.
And I'm not talking about like the Thor sort of on average.
Like, yeah, the average person, right?
Is as our cognitive ability is more powerful and productive, we can like develop machines and stuff to do the things that we would have to do with our hands back in the day, right?
And then the people who are just like hulking masses aren't going to be able to reproduce as easy as the smart people who will be more maybe financially successful and they'll want to share their offspring, right?
So we're like rewarding intelligence over body size.
So if you're smart enough, you're an alien life form, you're smart enough to get from another fucking galaxy to here.
Why the hell do you need biceps or abs or traps?
Like if you're that smart, you just invent some shit to lift it.
You got robots, you got all these other things.
And less gravity.
Well, they might have more gravity.
But space, you're bouncing around.
But on your planet.
Might be less gravity.
I don't know about that because as we've gotten smarter, we've known how to manipulate our bodies to get bigger.
And if they have any sports in alien planets, they're probably fucking huge.
That's true.
That's a true.
That's a good point.
Or you could just come up with something that makes you look the way you need to look for whatever reason.
Or you eventually make esports the most popular thing in the world because everybody can compete at it.
And I think that's kind of what's happening now.
I think we'll don't dare call that a sport.
Bro, I know it's crazy to say, but I think like in 50 years.
Unless it's FIFA.
But I think in 50 years, it will just be esports.
No, it will just be esports.
And then, and we're just going to look at these people.
Nah, we're going to look at these people who are like running and doing gymnastics.
We're like, what are you retarded?
Like, why would you do that?
You ever look at some of these things?
Future Of Sports Debate00:15:19
Like the fucking hammer throw?
Like, these people dedicate their whole life to spinning in a circle three times and throwing something.
Yeah, but think how long we've looked at it like that.
Our whole lives, we've looked at that, like, what the fuck is that?
There was never a time in our 37 years where we've looked at hammer throwing and been like, nah, that's a sport.
It's always been dumb as fuck.
Basketball has always been a sport.
Weightlifting, kind of a sport.
Anything that's physical exercise to get you in shape.
All right, cool.
It's a sport.
When you look at these hammer throwers and you're like, that bitch built horribly.
That's not a sport.
What's the sport?
That's why I'm in biz, they took wrestling out.
Why'd they take wrestling out?
To me, that's like the most pure sport.
Why'd they take it out?
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't think I saw motherfuckers wrestling on top.
I don't think it's.
Oh, maybe.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
I thought they took it out of the Olympics.
I don't know.
Am I wrong?
But wrestling is one of the oldest Olympic sports.
I don't think they should do that just for legacy.
I don't care if nobody's into it.
Not to mention.
Oh, no, they still got wrestling.
Yeah, stars come out of wrestling.
Like stars.
Kurt Angle went to the WWE.
He apparently won the gold with a broken neck, he was saying.
You saw ESPN post that on Instagram?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just intentionally trying to get people fired up.
Damn, they were going for it.
Big time.
Kurt Angle competed in like the 1984 Olympics or some shit with a broken neck and won gold in wrestling.
And then they shared that like the same day that Simone Biles pulled out.
It wasn't the same.
It was like a day after.
They're like, congrats to Kurt Angle on this day in 1984, one with a broken neck.
And then all the people in comments are like, why are you doing this?
Time and getting people fired up.
She's speaking of SMO, she's coming back.
She's going to do the beam.
Yeah.
Which is interesting.
What do you think about that, Al?
I don't really.
So she said she has the twisties, and all the gymnasts are like, oh, fuck.
Okay, serious.
Could be.
I don't know what it is.
What is it?
It's almost like when you're in a slump in baseball.
So it's like, it's not that you're not good anymore.
It's just you're so in your head that like all your talent is just like gone.
Yeah, it's like the yips they talk about in golf where you could be same thing.
The twisties, I guess, from what I was trying to read, you don't know like where your body's not doing what you want it to mentally in midair at the peak of the jump.
So you could get seriously injured.
And I think it does make sense that she landed off that one horribly and then she just looked shaken up and then just got the fucking just walked off.
Like I think she was like, dude, I think I might have almost just died right there.
Like my body wasn't doing what I wanted to.
I walked off.
Yeah, I don't know if it goes away that quickly though.
I'm worried for her.
That's like, I learned a little bit more about this.
So basically, during qualifying, she was having issues.
Like, she wasn't performing at her best.
I saw that.
This summit didn't just happen.
And leading up to qualifying, she was like, I just can't wait for the Olympics to be over because I want to retire.
Yeah.
She was checked out.
She's been checked out, baby.
Yeah.
So now it's like, I get it now.
And so that, the thing, what you said, this, what's it called?
Skips or twisties.
So it's like you lose your, you lose where you are in the air.
And so she's been gifted to have that ability since she was six.
Her very first like flip, she just knew how to do it.
And they were like, this is crazy.
Like no kidding has this ability at this young.
So she's always been that good and it just came to her.
So now to not have it, this is the first time dealing with that.
It's like, I can't.
She said it's happened before and it's been a one to two week period where it took to get it away.
Yeah.
Another thing that's worth noting with this shit is like it is objectively more dangerous than other sports, right?
Oh, so much more.
Yeah.
Like whenever people compare it to like, oh, well, you know, this track star ran with a hurt ankle.
It's like, yeah, that's tough, but it's different when you're in the middle of the day.
Yeah, instead of a hurdle, you have to fucking somersault over the hurdle every time.
Yeah.
There's not a ton of people that have been airlined.
People are coming around with her, too.
I think there's a lot of disappointment initially.
And I think people are just kind of coming around.
I think that that other girl, Suni Lee, winning the all-around.
Yeah, that helped a lot.
I think that helped.
And like the team still being pretty successful.
I mean, I guess they lost the team gold, but they got like silver.
Like the team doing okay eased a lot of people's tensions because it was never really about Simone Biles, right?
It was your selfish yearning to win gold in the Olympics and be better than all these other countries.
So yeah, I think that that calmed it down.
What Al was saying adds up with what we were saying last week, though, which is she already was kind of ready to retire.
She was kind of done with it.
Then you got these twisties and you're like, I could die on any jump and I don't even want to be here.
I'm done.
I'm actually.
I don't know why she's competing in this unless this shit is gone.
I think it's kind of cool.
If she wins this, then she gets to go out as leave.
And then I was thinking with the beam, I guess.
Maybe they just realize, oh, it's not as dangerous as flipping through the air, like doing like the vault or whatever.
Yeah.
With beam, like if you fall off, you just fall on the ground or like there's something to catch you.
They might be able to evaluate the risk and realize it's not as risky.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or maybe she's just really confident in that one thing.
So I'm surprised that she didn't want to do the floor.
Because the floor to me is the one that seems the least risky.
And that's where she has her move that no one else can do.
It's on the floor.
It's called the Bible.
I saw her during the warm-up or whatever, like the qualifying thing.
But you could honestly see, you were like, oh, I didn't know if it was a mental thing or what, but it's like, she doesn't look like she's, like, even the commentators are like, she doesn't look like she normally looks.
She's still the best, but she doesn't look like she normally looks.
I feel bad.
Did we ever talk about the scoring thing with her?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like how they didn't adjust it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And do you think that's part of the reason why she didn't want her to do the floor?
Where she's like, I'm going to get fucked on the scoring anyway.
Or like, I can't even do the shit I want to do.
I'm already pissed about this specific event.
Maybe, maybe.
I mean, I thought it was really interesting was this little conspiracy theory going around that like the Adderall not being able to get.
Oh, I heard that.
Yeah.
Was that you?
You heard about this?
I didn't hear this.
So I guess Adderall is illegal in Japan.
Yeah.
Okay.
So not that it's illegal for Olympic competition, but I think it's just illegal in Japan.
So some people are saying she wasn't able to be on Adderall and that was, you know, causing the twisting.
Apparently she has had HDHD since she was a kid.
Yeah.
So, and some people say that that's like a, I mean, Adderall is amazing.
Yeah.
You know, I know we all know like allows singular focus.
Also, it is, it is on the banned substance list for the Olympics.
Oh, it is.
Yeah, according to this article.
But she's been Japan's banned subdistance, but not the Olympics.
That's what I heard.
Yeah.
There's ABC News headlines that says ADHD meds among common drugs banned from Olympics.
I can believe that.
It's banned from the Olympics because of Japanese.
Because it's in Japan, I think, not Olympic law.
Go.
Oh, I would also think maybe if she's had the prescription since she was a child, it's like you can go back and make an exception.
If it was banned for the Olympics, then it's null and void, right?
Because she's competed once without it before, so it doesn't matter.
But my understanding was it was specifically in Japan.
And what?
No, because the story came up in 2016, also.
It was like a big story in 2016.
And she couldn't take it.
She couldn't get it then, also.
That's when a lot of these articles about like the ADHD meds with Simone Biles came out.
Interesting.
Well, maybe it's both.
I don't know.
If you already competed and it worked out fine, then that's just a bullshit conspiracy theory.
Which, to her credit, she's not saying.
We haven't heard that from her.
Yeah.
I saw one thing in the Olympics that I thought was quite interesting and kind of like indicative of super cuck culture that's going on right now, but I'm curious your guys' perspective.
The high jump.
You guys are familiar with this event, the high jump.
It's where they kind of do like almost a backflip over the bar.
Yeah.
I saw this.
And so there's two competitors, right?
A guy from Italy and a guy from Qatar.
And they've been competing.
I think it was like two hours or something like this at this point in time.
And they both do the same height and then they both miss the height after that.
And the judge comes up to them and he goes, you guys can do a jump off.
Well, I guess you guys keep jumping until one misses.
Or you got, and then, and then the Qatari guy goes, Can we share gold?
And then the ref goes, if he wants to.
And then they look at each other.
And I think they were training partners.
So they had like a relationship.
And the Italian guy goes, yes, and just jumps and embraces the Qatari guy.
And then both of them go and they're sharing the gold medal.
What do you guys think about that?
Weirdly, I wasn't as upset.
Initially, I hated it.
And then when you said they train together and they're homies, I'm not as bothered, but I still, you just fucking win, man.
Just go win.
Be a winner.
You know what's interesting?
Does that count as two goals?
I think it counts as two goals.
Two golds and a bronze.
I guess so.
But what's interesting about it is, okay, from like a financial standpoint, they both know that like being a gold medalist is so much more lucrative.
You go back to your country.
There's not that many golds from Qatar, I can imagine.
100%.
Right.
At least ones they didn't buy.
I think.
Remember, they were like buying weightlifters and stuff like that.
Like they would get all these like Georgian from the country of Georgia.
Like guys to just go and get citizenship immediately.
And all of a sudden they're doing that for the World Cup that's going to be out there.
They've been doing it for years.
So yeah.
So essentially, what I thought was interesting about this and why I understood it a little bit more is in high jump, you're competing with the bar.
Not really competing against a person.
Right.
It's not wrestling.
Yes.
Wrestling, that kind of stuff.
Like if both of you look, like, should we both share the gold?
It's like, no, no, no.
Every day, you're training to beat the person across from you.
In ping pong, you beat the person across from you.
In fencing, you beat the person across from you.
It's like your mind is geared towards domination.
Whereas high jump, you don't even need the other person to be there or not.
Like you could just show up at four o'clock and then try to beat the number and then you beat it.
Sure.
If you don't, like you're really not competing against another person.
You're competing for this specific height that you're trying to jump to.
So I do understand why they have a different camaraderie than other sports like a tennis, for example, where it's like, I am trying to break you.
I want to break your will.
And I want to use mental tactics.
I'll use anything I can to break you down because you're returning something at me that I have to do.
So usually at first, my initial reaction, I'm like, oh, this is some bitch shit.
I mean, you're at the Olympics.
Shouldn't you want to fucking go for victory, go for gold?
And then I was like, in a weird way, like, I'm like, financially, they're both going to do so much fucking better.
I kind of get it.
Am I a bitch for understanding it?
I agree with financial, but here's where I push back on that take.
Oh, you said, yeah.
Here's where I push back on that part about competing.
Maybe the greatest winner we've ever had in sports is Tiger Woods.
And he never competed against anybody one-on-one after a tournament.
It's golf.
I go, you go.
I'm going to fucking crush you.
Anytime it matters, I'm going to win.
Everybody in the fucking field needs to know this.
So that's where I push back because golf is, we might not even really call it a sport, but it's the same thing.
It's just you and the club and that's it.
Who has the best score?
Question.
Yeah, I just don't consider golf.
There's a tie at the end of golf.
Is there a penalty?
No, you go.
You keep going.
You have like sudden death or whatever.
You do one more hole and then whoever does better on that one, two more holes, whatever it is.
They have a winner.
Especially like tournament grand slams.
You're not doing major stuff.
That's a sport.
There's no tie for that.
If a tie and then you just got to like do a guessing game on kicks to end the game.
Yeah, that's that.
That's not really a sport.
But golf's a sport.
I can consider that a sport.
A guessing game on kicks.
That's how soccer isn't a sport.
It really is.
Yeah, that's a good point.
All right, fair enough.
But it is, hey, that's my homie.
And we're both going to make a lot of money or we could go back and live in fucking wherever we're going to live and struggle for the rest of our lives.
If we both get gold, that's great.
And also the game is not how many times you can jump this high.
The game is how high you can jump.
If you both can reach a certain height and that's as high as you both can get, I understand it, right?
Like endurance doesn't really play much into high jump.
Right.
It's not really mental.
Exactly.
Or physical in terms of your endurance.
Like it's not like, hey, we're going to keep doing this until somebody's leg gives out.
No, it's how high can you get?
Oh, you got nine feet or whatever it is?
I got nine feet.
I know I've never done better than nine feet.
You know, you've never done better than nine feet.
We both delivered our best jump on the day.
Yeah, I don't really blame the athletes.
Like, cause in my mind, I'm like, their job is to get gold.
And they were basically given a deal where they could get gold.
So they kind of did what they were supposed to do.
I'm more suspect of like the Olympic committee that's like, yeah, we'll just give multiple golds out to whoever wants to.
Interesting.
So to me, I think the fault falls on like the Olympic Committee for like devaluing the price of their own golds.
Yes.
Being like, yeah, anyone, yeah, if you guys agree, you know, if you guys can.
There are a slight touchiness to the competitiveness because I guarantee you, if we were trying to touch an awning, you want to get higher than your homies.
Like there's not like, oh, we got the same height.
Great.
Nah, fuck that.
Raise it up.
Yeah.
Get a higher awning, whatever.
Yeah, why do they make it jumping backwards over it?
Just make it touch an awning.
Like, that's the most important thing.
That should be the Olympic sport.
Touching on it.
Like, everybody does that.
That's the Olympic sport in New York.
Yes.
Touching on it.
I got that shit.
Off of two legs or one.
Like, that's always the conversation.
Off of two, you can do it off the vert.
Don't step into it.
Do it off the vert.
That's true.
Like, that is a way more relatable sport.
Jump high.
Can you jump high?
Good.
Hit it.
Like the combine.
It's the combine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Akrit jump and shit.
Long arms.
Long arms play in a lot for touch the awning.
That's another thing.
Long arms make up for the fact that you might not be able to get it.
Oh my gosh.
That's your body.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the advantage.
But yeah, I put it on the Olympic committee.
I don't really put it on the athletes so much because I get their position.
But it's the Olympics job to push the athletes and be like, nah, we're going until someone wins.
And then that's where the athletes got to be like, all right, I got to push through.
Yeah.
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Hip Hop Lyrics Controversy00:11:09
It's unbelievable.
And let's get back to the show.
And we're back.
The baby's apologizing.
Yeah.
He's apologizing.
The baby's bending over.
The baby is bending over.
You know what's really funny, though?
This is what I don't understand.
Like why motherfuckers won't just apologize.
It's like you lie to secure the bag.
Like if you're, if, let's say you come from a world where you're a hustler, right?
You lie to secure the bag.
The cops go, yo, you selling drugs?
You go, no.
You don't stand on it.
Yes, I'm a drug dealer.
I'm a drug salesman.
I sell drugs to make tons of money.
Ten toes down.
Exactly.
You lie to secure the bag.
So the reason why he got fucked up is because he doubled down.
If he said that shit and then came out immediately and he was just like, yo, I was just trying to hype up the audience.
I said some dumb shit.
Like now that you guys pointed out, it's absolutely ridiculous.
My bad.
I fucked up.
Yeah, I was drunk on stage or some shit.
I was drunk.
Like I was getting charged up.
I literally just wanted them to bring their lights up.
I don't know what the fuck I was saying.
Like I was just trying to say things I thought people would absolutely agree with so they put the lights on and we could really charge up the show.
But thank you guys for pointing me out.
That shit was stupid.
Let me go back to making my music.
Right.
If he said that, nobody gives a flying fuck about it.
Right.
But because it became a thing where you get to showcase your support for a specific community that is oppressed, everybody and their mother got to come out the woodwork for it.
Right.
And then once the people come out the woodwork, once Elton John, Madonna, and all these people start commenting, the organizations that are putting on these festivals, they have to take you off.
Because if you don't condemn, you support in the eyes of the public.
And even if you don't support, please believe Elton John, Madonna, and these other motherfuckers that are trying to get some clout off the situation are going to come out and go, hey, why are you supporting this person who's homophobic?
And if they don't say something, the gays that have supported them for so long are going to come at them and go, so we support you.
And then you're just silent when we need you the most.
So like everybody is fighting for their own reputation or fighting for clout, right?
Yeah, because I can see multiple artists at Lollapalooza being like, oh, I'm not going to associate because of whatever, whatever.
And then they lose five artists.
Like maybe gay artists that are performing, they're like, yeah, I don't want to be on the same stage.
So they got to protect themselves from losing the artists.
Do you lose one or lose five?
Yeah.
And I don't even think they're worried about the artist, but that is a good point.
I just think they're worried about reputation.
Well, that's what I mean.
Like, I mean, the money for the festival, also their reputation.
Yeah, I literally just think it's reputation because people are still going to go to the festival.
No one's selling the tickets.
They hype.
Like everybody's ready to be out there and get delta.
You know what I mean?
They out there ready for that delta, right?
We've been seeing all these festivals go crazy, numbers spiking.
Nobody gives a fuck because nobody freighted a Rona no more.
Let's go.
But they don't want the smoke.
They don't want to be known as, and once one festival cancels, if you don't cancel him, now you're the homophobic.
Right?
So Lollapalooza said, nah.
Governor's ball just said nah, right?
And now the governor's ball said nah.
The baby realized how many millions of dollars he's going to end up losing because of this.
Because it's not just this.
It's your European tours.
Is all the tours around the world that you are going to be in.
And this motherfucker doubled down.
That's the dumbest shit.
He kept doubling down.
I'm going to be an icon.
I'm going to be a star.
Sometimes I got to know you're going to be apologizing.
That's what you're going to do.
The issue is the double down was worse, I think, probably worse than what he said initially.
Why?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Let him get it out.
Because the double down was like, because initially he says, if you don't have HIV AIDS or something that kills you in three weeks, put your lighter up.
And it's like, that's insensitive, blah, blah, blah.
I get it.
But then he comes back and says, no, my gay fans are not nasty.
They don't have HIV AIDS or whatever.
And so he puts gas on the HIV thing.
Yeah.
While also separating the gay community, which if you're already offended by what he said and you're in the gay community, what he said was more offensive to you.
And then he said, y'all do you, I'm going to do me.
Yeah.
Yeah, which is very much, I don't care if you like me or not.
That's what I'm saying.
So like, and then the gays were like, we will.
Yeah.
Oh, we're going to do you all right.
You're going to get fucked in your ass financially.
Get ready.
So he literally put the gas on them.
Yeah.
Right?
He charged them up.
Yeah.
He could have said nothing, but he basically said, I dare you.
Yeah.
And they took that fucking dare.
Yeah.
And I think he underestimated like the influence.
Yeah, maybe.
I mean, I think when you're at that level, you understand your influence.
Like, and I think he understood.
He misunderstood gay influence.
He overestimated the baby.
Yeah.
He thought that motherfucker was the guy leading the world, right?
Like, I understand when you're built in that ecosystem, the only people around you, the people either kissing your ass or the people screaming your name because how famous you are.
You start to think, holy shit, I'm the president.
I can say whatever the fuck I want to say.
What are they going to do?
Right.
You know, I think he put out a video, like, I don't know if it was the next day or something they already had filmed, but like he had like a sign in the video.
I think.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They had like AIDS on the fucking sign.
So it looks like he was trolling.
Yeah.
It was probably an older video.
I don't think so.
No, he said, I think he had a pose that said, like, he filmed that video, then flew straight to Rolling Loud, then performed, and he had the video.
No one knows going to be a controversy or something, which I don't think.
Or he could have edited something onto the picture.
It might have been a film before, edited after, because he's like, yeah, let's put gas on it, like make a moment.
Maybe.
I mean, I don't know.
I just think, I think it's just so funny to see these things happen.
And also, there's the hypocrisy of these festivals, right?
Yep.
And they're aware of their own hypocrisy.
They're in a situation where there's nothing they could do that's going to be consistent.
They're valueless.
They're moraless, right?
And they have to be.
Yes.
Right.
If they say nothing, they're absolutely trashed by the artists.
Like what Mark was saying, artists could start saying, I don't want to be at La Palooza if you're not going to protect the LGBT community, right?
But at the same time, if they do take the baby off, then we're going to go through every lyric of all the other people that are there.
And surely, if we have some hip-hop dudes at this festival, there's going to be some F-bombs thrown.
I mean, I think I don't want to be snitching on these artists, so I'm not going to do it.
But like, it ain't hard to snitch.
The motherfucker said it and they're shit.
Right?
Tons of them.
The people that are performing at those very shows have tons of homophobic lyrics.
Old Mad James stuff just flying out of it.
And that's just the homophobia.
You want to talk about other morally bankrupt shit that they're saying?
They're going to have it in there.
Which is interesting because I started to see that comment.
You've made it a lot of times, but I started to see that comment in like the comments on the baby.
Like the lyrics of half of these guys are about murder and God knows what else.
And now you have a problem with what he says?
You don't have a problem with his own song, which is a point again.
You've been making for a while, but this time I started to see that in the comments from like, I started to see that voice get louder.
And I think what I'm realizing about like hip-hop, I think that most people do this already with hip-hop, so we don't need to create this caveat.
We have to create a comedy, but hip-hop, usually you get to say whatever you want with impunity.
But like, I think what the thing with hip-hop is, and the difference between comedy is comedy is like, hey, we don't really believe these things.
We're saying jokes.
And these are playing off of like feelings that we have, but that we control in normal society.
And we don't act on these feelings.
They're essentially all lies, but they tap into a feeling of truth.
Take my wife, please.
You don't want someone to take your wife.
But sometimes you're like, man, get this woman away from me.
This is all Borsch Bell comedy, right?
And that still exists today with all these feelings, right?
So I think with hip-hop is the rappers, yo, yo, this is my life.
I was really out here doing this shit, killing people, selling drugs.
They weren't, most of them, right?
Maybe they're associated or kind of close or something like that.
That being said, like.
All of us got a little Tony Montana in us.
Deep down, we don't want to be a drug kingpin, but we see the life.
We're like, it'd be kind of cool to be a drug king.
You know?
There's a mafia documentary on Netflix that just came out.
It's so fire.
And I'm so like, yo, that looks amazing.
That's so mafia.
That looks amazing.
That's so cool.
In reality, I don't want to kill people for no reason.
Exactly.
But it's fucking hilariously threw it into music.
And I think all of us get to tap into that.
So when these lyrics are said, I don't think we're living vicariously through the homophobia, but the morally bankrupt shit, like murder and drug dealing and stuff like that, there's something sexy about it because of film and television all these years.
What a dangerous lifestyle it is, right?
Some people might feel the same way about being in a fucking biker gang or something like that.
So I understand like why we want to live that way and why, for whatever reason, it's more acceptable.
I think the reason why it gets tricky with rap is because they're like, nah, that's really me.
I lived it.
If they were really like, I'm kind of like a theater kid.
Yeah, that's a little tech thing.
That's go go a little tech.
Little tech is this rapper.
And like he's just said over and over, like he has all these like lyrics like, I make you dance with my Glock, like shit like that.
And then they go, do you have guns?
He goes, nah, I've never owned a gun.
I've never shot a gun.
It's like, I've grew up in the suburbs.
I'm not in a gang.
I just like to rap crazy shit because it's fun.
Yeah.
He's like an 18-year-old kid and like his music's great.
Yeah.
It's like us with jokes.
We just make these, we have these crazy feelings or a crazy perspective about a topic.
And we're like, let's go.
Let's make something funny.
And we elicit laughter with these ideas because they are so absurd.
They are so crazy.
So maybe one day we'll be able to treat rap in the same way.
Homophobia is different because I don't think we're like tapping into like our like hatred.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Regardless of what Robin D'Angelo says, that fucking bozo.
The bozo of a lady that lady is.
I don't even know who she is.
You shouldn't.
It's fine.
I feel like I'm happier that way.
Yeah.
Probably happier, too.
I wish I never was on Twitter that day.
Just to see her yap her stupid, fucking crusty Nancy Pelosi mouth about comedy.
Just go back to writing books, you fucking dork bitch.
Anyway.
So she's just the lady who's like, comedy is inherently racist as an excuse.
She's wrote white fragility is like her big book that got super famous.
She was the woman that hired.
Of course she's a white woman.
Yeah, of course.
I don't want to hear any white woman's opinion on racism ever.
She's white Candace Owens.
Like, you know, there always will be a place on the internet for a black person to tell white people they're not racist.
Yeah.
That they don't done anything wrong.
There'll always be a place on the internet for a white person to tell minorities that white people are racist.
You're monetizing white guilt just in a different way.
In a different way.
Yeah.
There's like, oh, I feel guilty that like I grew up in a racist place.
Tell me that I'm not racist.
Exactly.
I respect Candace Owens more because she got to stand in fire.
Her people are coming at her fucking neck.
Agree or disagree.
She stands in a fire.
This bitch is removing herself from the fire even.
Totally goofy.
I don't know.
She probably gets crazy death threats and shit.
Like, she probably has her own shit.
I'm like, I wouldn't want to be on the fringe either way, trying to monetize people's guilt.
I've seen that.
Yeah, it's just a, it's a weird way to make a living.
Cancel her.
Cancel her.
Take her out of Barnes ⁇ Noble or wherever the fuck she wants to be.
The issue with the debate thing to me is that, I mean, obviously you say shit that's crazy, but he, like, when you attach it to like HIV and AIDS, it's like so much more visceral.
Yeah.
Like, if you're saying, like, I don't know, there's all these lyrics that people are pulling up from rappers and shit being like, oh, I don't fuck with gay shit.
Yeah.
But when you are saying, like, when you're putting this like visceral attachment to things that, like, people died from, that, I don't know, it makes it a different association in your head.
I think if he just said the parking lot thing, he'd be fine.
Mark, I'll be completely honest with you.
And this goes back to the Chris Drock joke.
If he said that in a song, he's fine.
Yeah.
Even the HIV shows.
Even the HIV, no matter what you say, if it's in a song, it's totally fine.
Because what happens is in a song, we could tap into the joke thing.
Hey, this is just a joke.
It's just a piece of art.
Raycon Battery Life Hype00:03:04
I'm living vicariously through it.
It's like, okay, these guys are, it's fine.
It's kind of fucked up.
It's like the bigotry of low expectations.
You guys have heard that.
But like, I really think there's a lot of people that are just like, it's okay if rappers are homophobic because they don't know better.
They're from circumstances where they don't know better.
And it's like, you're actually holding them to a lower standard.
It's kind of fucked up.
But, but that being said, like, if it was in a song, you'd be able to chalk it up to, oh, he's just rhyming a moment and taking this passionate thing and blah, blah, blah.
But the fact that there wasn't a beat going, it's like you being a person.
It's the difference like we always say.
It's like, if the, if the racists are homophobic or bigoted thing you say is the joke, it's okay.
You're not going to cancel something for the joke.
But if you say it as you're walking down the street and someone cuts you off, you can't go, oh yeah, it's just a joke.
So it felt like he wanted that.
He felt like he really felt that way.
And then when he doubled down on it, it's like, you dummy.
You dummy.
All you have to do is say you're sorry and you don't lose millions of dollars.
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Now let's get back to the show.
That's also a place where having a hype man is really not helpful.
Because he gassed them, right?
The hype man's like, yo, y'all looking sus as a motherfucker right there.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, all right, no, I didn't mean to say that.
Don't hype that part.
Hype it in the other way.
Be like, he didn't mean it.
Twilight Scene Reaction00:14:41
So what does he do?
Do you think that he's good now that he apologized?
You know how I know he apologized?
Because he called them the LGBTQ plus community.
Oh, he added the plus.
He didn't write none of that.
He didn't write none of that.
Plus his lawyer or whoever he is.
None of it.
That's a full ass apology.
When you throw the plus sign, bruh.
Oh, it was hilarious, dude.
And immediately tapped into the victim status.
Immediately, it's like, someone coming from the circumstances I've come from.
It's like, oh, are you now too?
Have you doubled down, triple down on homophobia?
Oh, did you come from rough circumstances, tissue?
Like, I don't know, having AIDS, maybe?
Was it as rough as that?
It's just adorable to see people completely flip a lot.
He literally said, I'm going to be an icon or something in one of his posts.
Which is respectable.
If you don't give a fuck and you can sit in it, hey, man, respect.
Hey, bro.
Once that, once that check, motherfuckers start buying shit before they get money.
And once that future money stops coming in, you already bought shit, at least in your head.
But you might have paid for it already.
And then when you start going, oh, I can't afford that boat.
Oh, I can't afford that brand new house.
I can't afford that brand new car because I refuse to apologize for some shit I don't even give a fuck about.
He don't think about gay people.
He don't think about A's.
It means nothing to him.
Yeah.
So he's going to lose it all over someone who means nothing to them.
Yeah.
Shit.
I apologize.
Plus.
I'm adding a plus.
Icing on a kick.
Yeah.
Once you hear fuck you money, you got a plan to keep the fuck you money.
Yeah.
You don't want to start buying shit.
Otherwise, you can't say fuck you to anybody.
I'm sorry.
Exactly.
It's oh, fuck me.
Okay, I guess so.
Just be a star.
I mean, it's stupid.
Like, I don't know.
Like, why would you die on that hill?
I don't understand these motherfuckers.
Like, there are hills to die on.
That is not the one, yo.
It's hard.
Why die on that hill?
It's hard because people start coming at you and then your pride swells up.
You're like, oh, fuck you.
But you're not even religious.
Like, if you're religious and living your life as a Christian man and you attach yourself to this, this like religious homophobia, that's even more understandable.
But if you're not a devout Christian, Jew, Muslim, I don't know if Hindus or Sikhs care about gay people.
If there's no benefit, if you're just being homophobic for homophobia's sake.
For a hobby?
For a hobby?
That's retarded.
You get nothing out of it.
You don't even get to go to heaven.
God's looking at you like, yo, you killed someone, fam.
You're not getting in here.
You're going down to hell with all those other motherfuckers that you hate.
It was self-defense.
It was self-defense.
But you understand what I'm saying?
Like, homophobia as a hobby is crazy, babe.
There's a lot of part-time religious people who only pick out certain things, what I believe and what I don't believe.
Oh, going against God is a sin.
It says so in the Bible.
Pretty sure it also says in the Bible, don't get tattoos, essentially.
Like, don't put ink on your body.
And they do that shit.
Like, it's people are very pick and choose with religion.
You kind of to a degree.
You have to be, but some people are really OD.
Like, I don't know, God hates gay people.
I'm going to heaven.
I'm not gay.
I'm going to fuck everybody before I'm married, but I'm not.
I'm not gay.
That's just the only thing he cares about.
I don't know.
And I will say this.
I got to give a huge shout out to the asshole army, man, because huge shout out because, yo, Mateo Lane came on and he killed it.
Right.
He did the things that we care about most when guests come on this podcast is he is you be authentic and you be funny.
Yeah.
That's really what this is about.
You be flagrant, you be authentic, you be funny.
And I know for guests, it's intimidating to come into this space also, especially if you're a gay dude because you're like, all right, this might be a boys club.
They might just rip me, make fun of me, not us, but also the audience.
And now you're putting yourself on this really massive platform and you could be scrutinized in a way that might be really uncomfortable.
Yeah.
And Mateo came up to me, man.
He's like, bro, I was, the response has been so amazing.
I think in like a few days, he got like 13,000 Instagram followers.
That's been amazing.
Like the feedback has been crazy.
And I just felt so proud of y'all.
And I mean this sincerely, you can rip me for being fucking corny or sentimental as soon as I'm done, guys.
But like, I feel really proud of y'all because we're not one of these fucking, we didn't build some hack shit where we're tapping into a river that already exists.
Like there's a lot of motherfuckers that they don't have an identity.
They don't have a personality.
They got to tap into whatever the identity or personality is that exists out there.
For example, when Trump was popping, right?
There's people who got to tap into the Trump, we love him folks, and the Trump, we hate him folks.
You know what I'm saying?
And there are people that made a living tapping into, we hate Trump, and there are people who made a living tapping into we love Trump.
And now that Trump's gone, they all starving.
Yeah.
We create our own identity based on who we are.
Because we are all a little bit outsiders in our community and we united on this idea of flagrancy.
This idea on say the funny jokes, rip each other, but it's love.
And we brought a dude in here, and the dude was just funny.
He ripped us.
We ripped him.
We had a great fucking time.
And y'all appreciated it.
And I think it really meant a lot to him to come into an environment like this and be successful.
So I just want to say thank you.
And it just makes me really proud that we got a place we bring anybody in this motherfucker.
I don't care who you are, what you look like, whose dick you suck.
And as long as you are flagrant, you are authentic and you are funny that you will succeed.
So now you guys can roast me for being dope.
I think there are preconceived notions about what the podcast is, about what the fans are.
And it's nice to see this shit not.
Why are you laughing?
What?
Like, oh man, you know, I was sentimental.
I'm gay now.
You got to roast me.
Like, you just did the right thing.
And now you're a hero for it.
Like, it's motherfucking like.
Yo, no matter what I do, it's wrong.
Yeah.
I'm with my girl.
And this is, and now you're doing it.
And now you're doing it.
Yeah.
Come on.
Get your flowers.
Jesus Christ.
You're so dope.
You know what I'm saying?
This is like there's a scene in Twilight that made me react how you're reacting.
That's the gayest shit you said.
I know.
Yeah, right.
I was going to defend you.
And then you said, this reminds me of Twilight.
That's a problematic series, fam.
Yeah.
I don't know if y'all seen problematic.
I don't know if y'all seen Twilight.
He's using words like problematic.
That shit is problematic.
That shit is problematic, bro.
Like, super.
Like, how is this?
Trigger into it.
Trigger in.
It's triggering.
Say, it was triggering, son.
Like, I felt triggered watching that shit, dog.
I don't even like saying that word.
That's just close.
Saying it is.
That's why they love saying it.
White people love saying it.
It's triggering because you got bricked up by the wolves.
I was so bricked up, dude, by these vampires.
Not a wolf guy.
Not a wolf guy.
Taylor Walter.
Yo, I can't even know his dick.
I love Taylor Waller.
Jacob, son?
His name is Jacob.
Are you Team Jacob or Edward?
Yo, come on.
It's Team Edward, dog.
He didn't look like that motherfucker.
Because he looks like that motherfucker.
Y'all's a good point.
Don't give him that much.
I'm better looking at that motherfucker.
Stop.
Stop.
Big pushy ass eyebrows.
He got no lips.
He ain't got lips like that.
That's Team Jacob.
It's Team Jacob.
Who got more bricks out of you?
Yo, he would like Team Jacob.
You love Team Jacob on this, though.
He's a beat.
Also, if you were in the wide, what's the time of the podcast right now?
If you were just in the wide, go back a little bit.
No, I did not.
Let's go in.
No, I did it.
No, I did it.
No, no, I didn't.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Let me replay.
Look to see if you're in the wide.
I'm pretty sure you're in the wide.
And he went like this.
He actually turned his head a little bit more when he went to it.
I go behind the mic now.
No, yeah, he went a little bit more.
And he went through, bro.
I did it.
Chill out.
Chill out.
So, can we go?
So, real quick, there's a moment in Twilight, right?
Like where Bella, the shorty, whatever her name is, Christopher Stewart, right?
Bella finds out some shit or something is exposed about Edward's past that he never told her.
No, he has to tell her something he never told her about him, right?
And after he became a vampire, this is the news.
He breaks her.
Like, the news is about to break her heart and make her think that she doesn't know if she can be with this guy because he's morally bankrupt.
He's the baby, right?
There's no way that she could possibly be with him.
This is the thing.
It goes back and it plays this like past history shit where he's out here and he's biting humans, right?
And you think that he's just hunting like regular humans, but it turns out he was hunting like rapists and serial killers and that kind of shit like that.
So like the moment where he's about to be a piece of shit turns out he's even more heroic.
And I had the reaction that you had.
It's like, I was like, fuck you.
Fuck you, dude.
You're perfect.
You literally want to spend forever with this girl.
Like, that's what he's saying.
Is the ideal scenario for any woman, right?
Like, I just want to spend not only the rest of my life, I want to spend forever.
They're vampires, they don't die.
They literally spend forever.
Like, your life isn't enough.
The bitch who wrote this movie is absolutely psychotic.
Stephanie Meyer though.
Stephanie Meyer is absolutely psychotic.
We can't just spend just life.
It can't even be tailored.
Death to us, Park.
No, there ain't no part.
There ain't no part, bro.
I'm watching this shit.
So that scene comes on.
I'm like, what the fuck?
And then, for whatever reason, I get into this movie.
The Jacob character, right?
This movie's problematic.
Liz Jacob, first of all, my man is 100 years old.
He's 100 years old dating a 16-year-old.
That's not what I'm saying.
We've spent this much time on this.
He did have a podcast when it came out, bro.
How does that happen?
That's not weird that Edward's character is 100 years old dating a 16-year-old.
That's not weird.
He's 100 years old going to high school and hitting on 16-year-olds.
That's not weird.
That's not awkward.
That's not weird.
Just because he looks like eventually he knows.
He could be in college.
Yeah, exactly.
Go to college.
Yeah.
You could fuck regular age pussy if you want.
And it's actually more reasonable he goes to college.
If he's 100 years old, the age of consent was younger than it don't matter.
He's now.
Don't go back into consent mark.
Do not do this.
Do not be making fucking arguments for this man.
So then I'm like, all right, this is super weird, but I'm going to let it go.
All right, whatever.
We'll get past it, right?
Then the wolf.
Jacob.
Jacob.
Hotty.
The hottie with the body, right?
Wolves do this thing, I guess, called imprinting, where you just choose your mate, and then that's your mate.
That's a person you're meant to be with, and it's not even up to your control.
I hate it.
I'm about to hate it even more.
Not even up to your control.
You just see somebody and you imprint on them, and that's it.
You cannot do anything about it.
And that's it forever.
I shit you not.
I don't know how this is not a fucking huge news story.
Hannah is like, where's CNN?
CNN, where are you?
This is a problem.
Hey, low, what does Fox do?
The mainstream media is so bullshit, bro.
Dude, where's QAnon?
QAnon should be all about.
What the fuck is going on?
Yo, we got a lot of people.
QAnon, Alex Jones, like this the normalization of pedophilia and all this shit.
Oh my God, you're talking about normalization.
Oh, here it is, ready?
Here it is.
Oh, my God.
Dude, literally, Bella has a baby.
Bella, bro.
Jacob's all the way up to Jacob's second one of the best.
You know the numbers?
Oh, yeah.
I watched this.
How do you know?
At least I've watched him when I was in high school like a real straight human being.
Not getting off of that.
You saw when it came out, you fucking believe that.
In the movie, that did.
In the movie, did that way?
Nah, y'all both get my baby.
My girl had that shit on.
She passed out five minutes in.
I'm like, oh, what we got over here?
So my man Jacob sees a baby, a newborn baby for the first time.
A baby.
Oh, shit.
And imprints on a child.
Oh, shit.
That's yeah.
Imprints on a child.
A baby.
A baby.
This later, like, even Epstein would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you, dog?
Right?
So there's super weird.
And then later, he's like, no, no, it's not even like that.
It's not even like that.
I can't decide.
Yeah, pedophiles can't decide either whether they like kids or not.
The baby starts aging exponentially fast.
The baby's looking like seven years old.
Later on, there's a scene at the end of the movie where the fucking wolf, Jacob, looks at Edward and they're both looking at Edward's kid and Jacob's soon-to-be thing.
And Jacob goes, So, should I start calling you dad now?
Why are we joking around about this?
The bitch that could see the future.
I forget her name.
What's happening, yo?
Shut up.
You're ruining momentum.
Come on, boy.
He goes like this.
He goes, the bitch that can see the future starts looking the future of Jacob and the daughter, right?
Yeah.
Looks in the future and sees Jacob and the daughter being in a relationship and going away together.
Can she see what you're doing?
No, but I imagine one style it might happen.
So I guess my point.
But my point is, how crazy is it?
Like, they tease it and you're like, they're not really going to go there.
Yeah.
And they went there and nobody.
There's nothing wrong with that.
There's not a problem.
Nah, but wait, why did he imprint on the baby?
Was it like a fuck you?
I can't decide.
I can't decide.
It's not up to me.
What?
It's up to the writer who decided that.
Why did someone decide that?
Imprints on any of these vampire bitches.
You imprint on a fucking child?
That's weird, bro.
Yeah, that's problematic.
And Shorty was aging in dog ears, too.
Like, she was aging mad fast.
Remember how fast the baby was aging?
So maybe there's something there, but that's not weird, bro.
It has to be on a baby, though, right?
No.
18-year-old girl.
Why not just get on the bottom?
Only imprinting that happened on a child.
Everybody else imprinted as adults.
Everybody else is with adults.
And he sees a kid for the first time, this fucking pedophile weirdo and just starts howling.
Red Rocket pops out probably for the red rocket with the lipstick.
Matt Gross?
Like, what are you doing, dude?
Son, that's not weird, Twilight.
That's weird.
With all the problematic shit you see in movies, when we were talking about, oh, look at this.
There's not enough diversity.
There's not enough this.
There's actual pedophilia happening in the world.
Women won't cancel women fun.
They will only cancel our fun.
It's got to be something men like for it to be problematic.
This is women's Michael Jackson.
You know how we love Michael Jackson so much?
We looking past that shit, right?
They love Jacob so much that he admits to being a pedophile in the movie and they're like, but the buddy.
The wolf's a pedophile?
The guy, not Jacob.
He's a full moon.
He has to.
Isn't that fucked up?
Do the wolves live a long time?
Or is it just the vampires?
Well, I don't know.
I was going to lie.
I was going to lie, but then I don't.
That would make it double creepy if he was mad old also.
If he was a super old fucking.
No, werewolves can only die from silver bullets, right?
No, all the rules changed, and they just changed the rule for vampires.
They changed rule for everything in the chamber.
Werewolves 50 to 60 years, and then the vampires 150 to 200.
So he's the average age.
No, vampires live forever in that one.
Yeah.
Jacob And Vampire Lore00:07:14
Where are you getting this?
You Wikipedia that they did wolves.
They're also not werewolves.
Wait, what are they?
They're just wolves.
They're Native Americans that are also part wolf, and they only get to turn into wolves if vampires are around.
Excuse me, me vampires.
So they can't kill the vampires.
All I'm saying is, if Native Americans turn into animals, maybe we did it right damn.
Son, come on, yo.
Come on, yo.
Come on, Al.
You crazy.
He's saying if.
He's saying if.
You're a wild boy.
I'm wild.
They're turning into wolves.
Native Americans can't turn into animals, and there shouldn't have been a genocide.
There should not have been, right?
Did we genocide them?
But if they.
Did we have diseases that they didn't have?
And we had them because we was living around animals.
They talking all that shit about how animal-like they are.
Well, where the diseases at?
You know what I mean?
This whole life, I'm chief, you know, fucking Eagle Face.
Right?
It's like, maybe if you spend some more time with the Eagles, if they live with you, you would develop some of the diseases they got, and then you would be, you know, impervious to disease, like whites.
This is what we did.
We lived around the livestock in London.
Is that how they got the diseases, you think?
Didn't you do enough to the fucking native, son?
What do I do?
Your people?
Catholics.
Yeah, too.
Not only is he Catholic, he's also Canadian.
This motherfucker is responsible.
Oh my God.
Jesus Christ.
Ideos Meal.
Why are there no Indians in India?
Why are there no Indians in India?
That's a good point.
Why are there no Indians in India?
Son, they left.
They trusted you guys.
Nah, you guys killed them all.
Son, imagine we got to y'all, bro.
Son, imagine we got to y'all, bro.
You would have gotten us so fast.
Wait, we paid their music.
We got there eventually.
Yeah.
But they had made enough of them.
Yeah, but what if we just had you drink the water?
You'd have been fucked.
Nah, white people can handle everything.
Nah, you can't handle it.
Go to India, drink the water.
See, white people can't handle that.
Nah, you just, honestly, white people back in the day different than white people now.
White people back in the day, literally, we went everywhere, drank their water, fucked their bitches.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's it.
I'm talking about it.
You ain't made it.
We built different.
We built different.
I ain't make it to Indian.
There's white people right now in Williamsburg walking.
We didn't speak English because we were white people.
There's white people right now in Williamsburg walking around the street barefoot.
Yeah, we don't care.
There's people.
You think we still got it, though?
I don't think white people now could colonize.
I think it'd be tough, bro.
I think it'd be tough.
That's how we fell off.
I think we might have fallen off.
We had a heyday, son.
That was a good streak.
It was like...
Unbelievable.
You had a Patriots run.
We had a Patriots run.
We were the Patriots, bro.
Now it's over.
By the way, we called ourselves a Patriots run.
100%.
Now we had it, bro.
And we could just pull up anywhere.
We got this.
Son, imagine the confidence.
Like, we could pull up anywhere.
There's people who don't even speak the language.
They're absolute, well, they probably weren't savages.
They had organized societies, but we called them absolute savages, right?
And then we're like, we're just going to come in here, organize everything, and take everything.
Like, the confidence.
Did that ever fail?
Were there every times we went there and then got pushed back?
Like, holy shit.
What was the streak like?
It was just because you had weapons.
Once the plan fails even, now y'all can't embody nobody anymore.
That is true, but like imagine going steal.
Isn't that the book that basically explains how white people took over?
But why we invented weapons so quick and none of y'all invented weapons.
Y'all weak.
I needed it.
We didn't need that shit.
There's a lot of people who are.
We dealt with our shit with our hands, son.
That's how we dealt with it.
Yeah, but then when we came through, what happened?
Yeah, because we didn't need that.
Why did you need it?
Y'all still liked it afterwards, right?
Yeah, after, because we got to even up the playing field.
That's it.
I don't even know if y'all even up the playing field.
I think we were just like, I think we should stop this now.
It's too easy.
All right, go to Chicago right now.
Get body.
Nah, you're right.
I will get body in Chicago.
But you understand the point.
It's kind of crazy.
Like, to go anywhere you want.
Nah, you got a good run.
Real confidence.
There's a spot in India that's never been touched.
What is that called?
The little island where they got all those all the native people that no one's been to.
Oh, when the one Christian guy tried to go and then they just arrowed that motherfucker.
Yeah, he got a shower of mad arrows.
Really?
Yeah, it's a wild story.
Oh, you didn't hear about this?
No.
You went there preaching a gospel and they were like, nah, fam, this is untouched.
Nobody's been over there.
Yeah.
They just murder everyone that steps on it.
Yeah.
There was like a boat that like the guy was like stuck at sea and like drifted over there and killed him.
I mean, let's be honest.
We could take that shit if we wanted.
We could.
Why did we leave it there?
What is the point of that?
I don't know.
I think it's more just people being like, yo, what do you think?
Guilt?
Nah, nah.
I don't think it's white.
I think they're curious.
That's your biggest weakness is your guilt.
It is.
And that, you know where guilt comes from?
What's that?
Catholicism.
Catholic guilt is the pinnacle of guilt.
We used our religion against us, and Gandhi really flexed on that guilt shit.
That was genius.
You just got to do it in a little increments.
Just got to do it in little increments.
Yeah, black people go over the top of that.
We'd be giving black people a little bit off of guilt and then they just go extra.
They're like, kiss my feet.
You got to just pump the brakes every once in a while.
They critical race theoried it.
You know what I mean?
They went too far, bro.
Yeah.
It is true.
It's like everybody got on board with Black Lives Matter.
And then a few black people are like, I have white people on a leash on Tuesdays.
And I was just walking around the neighborhood.
It's like, chill.
Son, there was places motherfuckers was washing their feet.
I know.
That shit was wild crazy.
You saw the videos of the guys going through.
They missed out going through Brooklyn.
Be like, yo, take a knee for Black Lives Matter.
And then white people were like, all right, fine.
And they actually took a knee.
Because what can you do, dog?
You say no.
You say, what?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, but you know, you're too scared of black people doing that.
I got to go around the city.
I got to do a skid of some shit like that.
See all the wild shit I could make y'all do.
You could, man.
Dude, the way that white people treat black homeless people versus white homeless people.
Oh, I don't feel any sympathy for white homeless people.
It is hysterical.
Dude, it is.
I was watching these, especially young kids, like young white kids that are like in college in New York for the first time.
The way that they were treated, there was this black homeless dude inside this like bodega, right?
And the way that they were treating this black homeless guy, right?
It was just, it was, oh, yeah, man.
Like, uh, the black homeless guy's like trying to butter him up so he can get some money.
He's like, Oh, I like those sneakers, bro.
He goes, Yeah, these are pretty cool, man.
Like, I also have Jordan's, though.
Like, and he was just like doing these things.
It was so embarrassing.
This black dude is so fucking crippling embarrassing.
You and Nick Fank's like, Yeah, Julius Randall is like my favorite player, man.
I love that guy, you know.
Like, but I like the old Knicks too.
Like, who's your favorite player?
Oh, John, you know, John Stars, dude, I love John Stars number three.
Like, he's like trying to win over this homeless guy.
Like, unbelievable, right?
There's a white homeless dude outside.
As they walk out, the guy goes, Can you spare some change?
And the kids just looks at him like, disgusting.
It was unbelievable.
Zero sympathy for it.
And what is that?
It's just guilt.
We don't feel as bad for white home guilt, white, homeless people because our brain can compartmentalize.
Like, ah, he probably had a lot of opportunity.
Yeah.
But you still ain't getting my money either way.
I think it's also like, I want to prove I'm not racist.
And here's the opportunity.
Like, with the debate shit, with the festivals and all this, I was like, I want to prove my support for the LGBTQ community.
Here's a tweet.
Yeah.
The best way to prove you're not racist.
Don't try so fucking hard.
I know.
I remember I had like a joke.
I was like, in order for like minorities to know you're not racist as a white person, you got to be a little racist.
You got to be just enough.
You got to be a little racist.
You got to point out the shit that's obvious that we all see.
White Homeless Guilt Complex00:03:00
Because if you're like, oh, yeah, what are you talking about?
I didn't notice that.
One bit at all.
What happened?
There was a smoke and then an Asian guy disappeared.
That's normal.
You got to at least say the thing we're all saying.
Is that fair?
Yeah, that is.
That is.
Yeah.
And then they go, oh, okay.
Yeah.
He's just a normal human being.
Yeah.
I did that the other day where I had to call the store and they were like, oh, yeah, who was helping you?
And they were like, was it Charlene?
And I was like, it was the little Asian girl.
And the guy was like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
But like, we were having this back and forth for two minutes.
We were like, dude, really?
We had curly hair.
She was the only Asian girl in the whole thing.
Yeah, Asian.
Yeah, just say it.
You start there.
Start with the race.
Asian.
If that's the signifying factor.
If they're all Asian in there, and there's one girl with the hoop earrings, I go, Oh, yeah, the girl with hoop earrings.
That's it.
That's funny.
Like, you guys hesitate.
Like, I start with race off top.
Yeah.
That's how it description.
White dude that did that, brown dude that did that.
I do it out of principle.
Off top.
Yeah.
You're allowed to.
Yeah.
Beautiful.
Now, I do principle.
You should do it.
I do it too, but like there are people that are uncomfortable by it.
But I do it too.
And I maybe lean into it even more because I know it makes people uncomfortable.
Yeah.
It is tough if you're complaining about the service, though, because then you could look real if you lean into it more and be like, no, this guy didn't give me good services, but this black guy.
And be like, all right, I see what's happening.
I wouldn't say that.
But they were like, which one?
Yeah.
I'd be like, yeah, that guy over there.
Wait, what?
Yeah, you didn't say race.
Yeah, you didn't say race.
Oh, I did.
No.
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Disney Plus Streaming Lawsuit00:09:41
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Now let's get back to the show.
Okay.
We have a couple more things.
Yo, for the first time in maybe our history, what?
What's going on?
What?
I'm a wild boy.
Sometimes I got to do a little oakie dope.
So for the first time in our history, people are coming for the mouse, bro.
Ooh, this is actually really interesting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Scarlett Johansson sued Disney.
Yes.
She sued Disney.
And I think also Emma Watson.
Emma Stone is considered.
Emma Stone was considering suing Disney as well.
They're suing Disney because Disney placed their movies, I imagine Cruella with Emma Stone and Black Widow with Scarlett Johansson on Disney Plus as well as a theatrical release when they were both promised contractually for only theatrical releases.
Now, Disney is going, hey, there's a pandemic.
Motherfuckers ain't going to the movies like they used to.
So we're going to do both.
Now that hurts Emma Stone and it hurts Scarlett Johansson because they get a piece of the theatrical ticket sales.
They don't get a piece of Disney's subscriptions.
And I think you had to pay money to watch it on Disney Plus.
It wasn't just a subscription.
So they're looking at Disney like, hey, yo.
Like, give me a piece of that bread.
Like, if you're charging money for people to see this, I don't give a fuck if it's in the theater or not.
And I think they're completely reasonable.
And I think it's a scumbag move on Disney's.
And Disney's response was basically like, they included Scarlett Johansson's, yeah, this call's response to the pandemic.
We paid her $20 million and they threw the $20 million in there, hoping people would be like, this bitch got $20 million.
What you complaining about?
And that's true.
And people will say that.
Yeah.
But keep going.
But you violated a contract.
If you violated a contract and you charged us, if they made it for free, you could say, hey, she's callous.
If you charged us when we couldn't go to the theater and I got to watch in a smaller screen at my house and I don't get the movie theater experience, you're just as callous.
You know what's funny?
Sorry, sorry, go.
No, I mean, if the deal is 20 million, but it was supposed to be 40, like, she got to have some money.
And what's so fucking manipulative of Disney's side is knowing that people will see a number like that, so astronomical a number they might never make in their life and be like, why aren't you happy with that?
Yeah.
Right.
And you seem like an ungrateful bitch when you're complaining about a contract that was breached by your employer.
Yeah.
Right.
You guys came together, made this contract.
Now, I understand every contract has what's called a force majeure clause in it, right?
And that's where an ungodly act like a pandemic comes in and it can make the contract null and void or you can switch certain things.
But what I find interesting is it's not like Scarlett Johansen's going, yo, you made a billion dollars last year or $5 billion, Disney, cough it up.
Like Disney, I don't think did bad during a pandemic.
A lot of people bought up that Disney Plus, right?
They made okay money.
And if you're using this as a way to bolster subscriptions, that's great.
Make more content.
But if you're charging people to see the movie, it seems like the right thing to do is to continue to pay.
Now, they might be looking at like this.
We're going to lose money on this movie because of the pandemic, but we're still going to pay you that full 20 million we promised you.
Even though this movie ain't going to do close to what it was supposed to do, we're going to live up to our end of the deal.
But because it's going to be a loss, maybe not even leader, but it's going to be a loser for us.
We're not going to give you any back ends.
Do you think they go ahead?
You just can't do the right thing.
You know what I mean?
Like, you're in an infrastructure where you can't do the thing that is ethically correct.
When you have all these shareholders that are like, yo, we put up the money for this movie.
Let's get our money back.
Like, why are we being nice to some actor?
We don't care about actors.
We don't respect them.
Like, the infrastructure is set up to do the financially responsible thing and not the ethically responsible.
No, but that's so stupid at this timing because this was supposed to come out a year ago and then this was delayed.
So things like Jungle Cruise with Disney that are coming out now.
Like The Rock's not fighting back.
They know it's a kind of shared theatrical and on-demand in-home experience.
So she's a victim of that coming out that year.
But these streamers are spending for these losses right now in this battle with other streamers to get them.
So for them to not cough up if they were going to project that in a normal theatrical one, she would have made 50 million.
As she's been, she's already been in nine fucking Marvel movies.
They should know a number that would have said, you know what, before there's a lawsuit, yeah, you probably would have made 40 or 50.
And that extra $20, $30 million is nothing compared to this little debacle that's happening right now because it's going to happen now across the board with other folks.
And the bigger issue is that Netflix and Amazon have already developed mechanisms that predict, okay, it's only on Netflix.
These movies, you see these like Michael Bay movies, they basically pay top of market to a Ryan Reynolds and a Michael Bay, including their buyout on the back end.
So they're already anticipating on that.
But Disney hasn't really come up with that.
That's what that means real quick.
So what they're doing is they're paying Ryan Reynolds.
Let's say Ryan Reynolds says, for me to start in a movie, and I'm just making up this number, it's $10 million.
Plus, I get a piece of the theatrical release, piece of the ticket sales.
What Netflix is doing in order to get Ryan Reynolds to do a movie on Netflix is saying, we're going to give you your $10 million and that piece of what ticket sales would be.
We project you would get this much outbank based on like the last five movies or something like that.
So they basically come to an agreement.
They're not an exact amount, but they come to some agreement.
So let's say it's another $5 million or $10 million on top of that.
They go, we'll give you the 20.
So you come to a movie with us.
And then Ryan Reynolds gets to go, well, I'm not losing out by doing a movie here.
And I get to be on the stream.
And it's agreed to up top.
So you can't really argue after and say whatever.
This has already been taken care of.
Gotcha.
Okay.
So Disney, Paramount, like Warner Plus, all these things, they're still just in the let's get subscriber race right now.
They haven't come up with this mechanism because they're also super, you know, high, they want to have a theatrical release too.
They want to have as many verticals as possible for one movie to have.
They get their theatrical.
They want their airplane revenue, their hotel revenue, their on-demand revenue, but they're just not there yet.
So COVID is a reaction to this, but so fucking stupid to do this because the person that backs Scarlett Johansson, her point agent, is arguably the most powerful person in Hollywood, controlling hundreds of other top stars, directors, writers.
So this is going to start some real shit.
So if he sales two of his clients, hey, don't do a movie with Disney, fuck them.
That hurts you.
And I think Dove's initial point was the amount of money they're spending just to get subscribers, this $20, $30 million extra you could have paid Scarlett Johansen to shut her up is such a drop in the bucket.
Just do it.
Don't deal with the bad PR.
That's, I assume.
Do you know how much Jungle Cruise costs?
Oh, Cruise is 300 million plus movie.
That's crazy.
Without anything to decide to write.
How much was Black Widow?
Because what if they had taken a loss on it?
Yeah, I have a feeling that if Black Widow did well, Scarlett would have gotten her.
And I think that Black Widow flopped, and I don't think anybody really cares about watching Black Widow.
And we can look at the numbers, but like, I didn't watch it.
I would never turn it on.
Did you watch it?
Oh, I've seen it.
They might have also.
No, the movie's up.
It was trash.
They might have also taken a calculated risk in that, like, this doesn't allow her to be in any Avengers movies after this.
Who cares?
Oh, does she get killed in it or something?
No, I don't know.
But this, like, if she's if she's sued, if she's upset and she causes a fucking dust up about this, all right.
Well, I guess she won't be in any Marvel movies if she gets upset, but who cares?
Nobody's gonna miss Black Widow.
I think they might have calculated that because Black Widow and Hawkeye, y'all are there, and I guess it's kind of cool, but like, I don't give a fuck.
I don't want Hawkeye to have his own movie.
Y'all are, y'all barely got superpowers.
Yeah, Black Widow is a good negotiator.
All right, bitch.
The thing at this point, like, Marvel movies are just like you need to watch them to understand the full story.
It's like every movie is going to have something that you have to see so you can understand the whole rest of the whole series and shit like that.
And so, like, right now, they're setting up for the fucking universe because the universe is about to split into a bunch of different timelines.
So, now they'll be able to bring back Captain America or no, Iron Man and Captain America.
Like, they can bring back anybody who's died now there's more timelines.
Yeah.
This is saying that this Black Widow costs.
I hate that.
What is that thing?
That it's a multi-universe.
Yeah, but it's a device called a Deus Ex Machina or something like that.
It's like some literary device where an act of God propels the protagonist forward instead of like clever story writing.
Yeah.
Like, you know, and what is that movie with the nerds fucking love?
Stranger things?
No, Movie.
There's like three of them.
Ghostbusters.
No, no, orcs and shit.
Lord of the Rings.
The Hobby, Lord of the Rings.
Like, there's one point in time where they're at the end of this cliff and the orcs are about to get them.
And all of a sudden, these fucking Eagles just come out of nowhere and they take to the next destination.
It's like, fam, why don't you just get the Eagles in the beginning of the movie?
And then they take you to where you need to go.
Like, if you always had the Eagles, what are we waiting for?
They aren't like crushes someone.
Yeah, it's just lazy writing.
And I feel like this multiverse shit is kind of lazy.
It's like, okay, there's multiple universes.
So now we can get Iron Man back in the thing.
I mean, this was in the comics written.
Mandatory Vaccine Mandates00:13:33
It was already.
A long time ago.
All right.
So they've always been lazy.
Yes.
Okay.
Fair enough.
I mean, whatever.
I'll be in the movie if they ask.
Okay, it doesn't matter what universe.
I'm going to go there.
I think they asked her.
I mean, do you think?
I want to be in the white Black Panther universe, where it's just white Black Panther.
That would be fucking multiverse.
There's unlimited universes.
I know.
White Wakanda.
I want to be there, and I'm the Black Panther.
It's called the White Panther.
It is.
And I am him.
I am the White Panther, dude.
I'm going to be in White Panther.
Powerful.
I am.
Powerful.
The power White Panther.
Tahala.
Don't take my sweet.
That's Drew Planther.
Okay.
What else we got going on, boys?
Macs are back.
Oh, yeah.
Vaccine combo.
You got to have your Macs, bro.
Oh, okay.
We got to have.
You got to start wearing Macs again, bro.
So news popped up.
The comedy store is basically kind of like trying to motivate people to get vaccinated, the audience as well.
They're going only vaccinated for the audience.
And comics and employees.
And comics and employees.
And this made news.
And I'll say back here in New York, the comedy seller has already been like this.
Everybody's got to be vaccinated.
The audience has got to be vaccinated.
And it was funny.
There was like no black people in the crowd the first few times I went on stage.
And I'm like, oh, is this the new like no fitted hat, no timber?
Like, is this how you keep black people out of establishments?
Like, you don't even have to talk about their clothes.
Yeah.
No do-rags, no service.
No, no.
Just say vaccine.
And then, boom, you're going to have a very white Asian and Indian.
That's White Panther, right?
That's White Panther.
So yeah, so now comedy store in LA is doing it and people are making a big deal of this, but I think this is what's going to happen.
I think because the government can't say you have to get vaccinated, because the government can't say you have to wear a mask, they can't just because of the way that the American justice system is built.
They can't just say that.
There are liberties.
Private businesses can take it upon themselves to decide what the policy is.
And that's just what's going to happen.
The corporations are going to go, you want to work here?
You're going to have to be vaccinated.
Yeah.
How do you guys feel about it?
I didn't have a problem 10 years ago when the Christian guy was like, hey, I'm not making your gay wedding cake.
It's not something I believe is Christian.
I didn't agree with the moral stance, but it is a private business.
And a lot of people who probably are going to have a problem with this were like, nah, that guy should have a right to conduct business as he wants to, but then they have an issue with people requiring masks and vice versa.
People who before were like, no, he should have to make that gay wedding cake.
It doesn't matter.
This is a business, blah, blah, blah, whatever their logic was.
They're going to support this and say, oh, no, it's a private business now.
You should be allowed to keep out people who are unvaccinated.
I think on both sides, you can keep my, it's your business.
Do what you want to do.
Conduct it how you'd like.
Right.
Yeah.
From a consumer level, I agree.
From like an employment level, I think it's tricky.
Like if the shop was like discriminating hiring people for being gay, then I'd be like, oh, no, that's fucked up.
Yes.
Agreed.
I think that should be illegal to not hire someone just based off like their orientation.
Whereas like making a cake is like, oh, that's just a consumer.
And so I think you're able to pick and choose consumption.
But as far as like employment, I feel like that's different.
But for the vaccine.
That's interesting, though.
Yeah.
That is interesting.
But for the vaccine, do you feel the same?
Sorry.
Do you feel the same consistency?
Because I think there is a difference if it's like, oh, this guy could infect me or my customers or whatever.
No, it can't affect you if you're vaccinated.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true, actually.
But private companies already have rules for their employment.
Like some drug tests, some don't.
Right.
So it's like, that's based on a private company.
So that should be allowed.
And it is a choice.
Right.
And now we're at a stage where people, with a Delta variant for vaccinated folks and unvaccinated folks, the spread is the same.
So this is the same thing.
That's not true.
Apparently, that's media misinformation, apparently.
Is it?
Yeah, the Biden administration is mad at the media now.
Oh, are they?
Oh, is the news fake now?
Yeah, now the news is fake.
Okay, another thing I'm upset about that I discovered in Europe, where I just was, televanting, is that they have this European green pass.
I know, just vanting.
That you actually get credit for being a COVID survivor, as we all are, for six months, not like within 90 days, we have to go race over to CVS and get the vaccine.
Why are we not looking at financial protection?
Look, it's tricky.
It's annoying.
I'm not annoyed as much about the vaccine thing being mandatory because I've taken it.
So it affects me in no way.
I don't know why.
I understand that people are really concerned about the vaccine and they think that it's really awful and something's going to happen and it's an experiment.
Yes, that might be the case.
But I don't know.
For whatever reason, if I'm being completely honest with you, I'm just like, whatever.
I really just feel whatever about it at this point because I've taken it already.
Now, my arm could fall off in six months.
That's possible.
And then you guys call me a fucking idiot and I'll be competing in the Special Olympics or just killing these motherfuckers.
Right?
Working that nose like that.
Yeah, exactly.
I point that shit out there.
That's the rudder.
That's the rudder.
But I'm just like, I don't care if you take it or not.
I'm not going to be one of these people who's going to go, you need to get the vaccine.
I don't give a flying fuck if you take it or not, but I also don't give a flying fuck if you die from COVID.
Agreed.
Now, if you take the vaccine and you die from COVID, I'm furious.
Yeah.
Because why are we doing this experimental shit and then we're still dead?
But that's not happening.
Yes, the numbers are showing that.
That's not happening.
The death rates haven't changed.
No, the vaccine is effective.
The vaccine is effective.
It's definitely infected when it comes to dealing with the virus in your system.
So it makes it much easier to deal with.
Like I know somebody who got the Delta variant.
She didn't have the vaccine and it fucking roasted her up.
It was really bad.
And she had the original one.
So Corona ran it back with her with that Delta and she said it was way worse.
But if she had the vaccine, she would have plowed through that shit or she wouldn't have even gotten infected.
There are some.
So max people are like, yo, you can still die from Delta with the vaccine, but it's like less than a half a percent.
It's like 0.001% are dying from it.
Most of those people either have like some comorbidities.
This is my point about the point of stop making policy based on motherfuckers that are fat.
Like, stop it.
And also, stop making clothes for them.
Stop doing everything for them.
Like, stop it.
Please make clothes for them.
No, I don't want no making fat people walking around.
I want that.
I was out like a sausage.
Yes.
Yes.
In terms of the mask mandate, you cannot, the flu kills more than 0.001% of the people who get it.
We don't have a mask mandate in place for the flu.
You can't have a mask mandate based on 0.001% of people who are dying or people who have made a choice that they were allowed to make, which is, I don't want to get this vaccine.
I also think at the same time, a business has a right to say, have a choice and say, fine, you can't come into my business.
And if you die, we don't give a fuck.
But I don't want that choice to be that we wear masks.
I'm over the masks.
I'm not wearing anymore.
I got the vaccine.
If you get the vaccine, you don't have to wear the mask.
And that's it.
I'm fucking sorry.
But that actually, I'm not even sorry.
That's it.
I got the shit in my arm.
I'm not wearing the fucking mask.
The only pushback, and this is what I heard.
It could be incorrect knowledge, but I heard that.
So because you're getting the vaccine in the muscle, you're building up your immune system, but it's not like building up in your nostrils where most people are contracting.
I'm telling you, it's like the Delta variant, it multiplies way quicker than the original one.
And so you don't have enough fucking immune system to final load and viral load in your nose to, that's why people are getting it still, but you're not dying for it.
Yeah, if that's the key.
If you're getting it and you get sick like you do with the flu, we don't have mandatory flu vaccine or flu mask.
That's why they're saying you should still wear a mask.
You can suggest it.
And I can say, fuck you.
Yeah, I guess.
We're not doing a mash shit.
We're not doing a mash shit.
That's what I'm saying.
I think at a certain point, you got to move on.
Like, there's an effective vaccine that's out.
It's been out long enough for people to get it.
It's free for people to get it.
And at a certain point, you got to be like, all right, let's keep them moving.
And we have effective treatments when people do get it.
That's the other thing.
You know how to handle it.
I don't care about cases anymore.
I care about death rate.
Death rate, hospitalization, all that.
That's down everywhere.
If the death rate's down and the hospitals aren't overflowing, then we're good to go.
Shut your fucking mouth and go about business as usual.
I'm sorry.
Stop doing this bullshit where you like create legislation to make it seem like you give a flying fuck about saving people's lives when nobody's dying.
The death rate is not changing.
Until it changes, shut your fucking mouth.
Don't tell us to wear the mask.
I don't want to seem like I'm one of these like Karens outside of a Kroger's just like waiting to see if someone asks them to put a mask on.
It's not what that's about.
I took the risk.
Yeah.
I put my life on the line, quote unquote.
I don't believe that that's the case, but like I put the shit in my body based on a contract that if I put it in my body, I can go back to life as normal.
Don't break that contract.
Well said.
And do not break it from motherfuckers that are willing to risk getting it.
Yeah.
Like you're protecting people who don't want to be protected.
If kids started dying every two seconds of this shit, I'd be the first person to have it on.
Trust me.
I'd be the first person.
They're not dying.
The only people are dying are the motherfuckers that refuse to get the vaccine.
And if they do have the vaccine, they are on death's doorstep already.
And this shit is just pushing them off.
Like that fucking game with the quarters that are at the edge.
You are.
You know what I'm talking about?
The token shit in Coney Island.
Not only are you protecting people who don't want to be protected, you're doing it at our expense.
They've decided they don't want to be protected.
And now you are having us make sacrifices that we specifically got this vaccine to not make.
Yeah.
And look, if this help, who I cannot, I can't understand.
I was watching like Sager and Crystal on Breaking Points, and they're like, they want power.
Who is they?
The only person I can see winning out of this is, or person or group or institution is Big Pharma because they can do booster shots.
So the more people that have the virus, the more people you can give boosters to.
So if I'm looking at this in terms of financial benefits, and every year I got to boost your ass up with some of this COVID and it's mandatory.
And it's mandatory for you to work at your job, mandatory for you to be on stage as a comedian, mandatory for all city workers, right?
The more people who have to have the vaccine in order to operate with normal life in normal life are going to be the more people that are going to get a booster.
And why wouldn't I want to make a nice fat check on 300 million people?
300 million people each take, let's say it costs $10.
I'm making that up.
It could cost $1,000.
But let's say a booster costs $10.
300 million people got to take that every single year just in America.
Do that math, bro.
That's $3 billion.
I mean, yeah, if you look at Pfizer's like overall earnings, I think in 2021, they made $19 billion, an increase of $9.1 billion from the year prior.
And deserved for all the lives that they've saved.
Because they made an effective vaccine.
They made an effective vaccine and they saved people's lives.
They said grandparents, they saved parents, they say brothers, they saved sisters.
Like motherfuckers got their loved ones because they were out there doing it.
So if you want to make some billion dollars off of that shit, I'm with it.
Let's go.
That being said, if you are pushing, right?
Like, if you're, but if you're pushing policy so that you can make more money off these boosters when it's really not necessary, the death rates are not up.
Motherfuckers are not dying.
You're just doing this shit so you could cash in next year and the year after.
That's a little much, fam.
Now you're getting a little greedy.
I fully expected we would have to take boosters.
Early on, I was like, this is the new flu.
This is what it's going to be.
But you got to push people in that direction.
There has to be a narrative that you can spin to say, oh, there's always going to be mutations.
We always need the boosters.
I think we're going to have to have boosters until it reaches a point where we can treat it effectively enough that you don't have to have a shot.
And then you can choose or not, just like the news.
I know this shit.
I know what this shit is.
And I understand now.
It just fucking hit me.
This is what it is.
The madness that you're seeing in the news is obviously good for the news, right?
Because the news is going to sell fear.
The new Trump.
Great ratings off of fear.
Exactly.
Something to replace Trump, but we need the fear.
Okay.
So the news is going to run with it and they're going to be more than happy.
They're like, wait a minute, there's more fear for us to sell.
We would gladly have to sell you this fear, big pharma.
Yeah.
Big pharma isn't trying to get legislation that says every human being is mandatory to be vaccined, right?
Because they know that that's unrealistic.
You can't make that happen in America.
The laws just won't support it.
I don't think they would mind it, though.
They would love it, but they know it can't physically happen.
But they can create the fear of a new pandemic based on this Delta strain.
The fear is going to induce a reaction from the corporations.
The corporations and the comedy clubs and any other place of work is going to say, we want your asses back in the office, okay?
Because they are already starting to do that.
And if you are coming back into office, you need to be vaccinated.
Big Pharma basically gets more people to be vaccinated so that they can do this booster scheme by bullying public sentiment into making corporations require mandatory vaccines.
So it's not about we need more masks now.
It's not about we're going to go back into a lockdown.
It's not about that at all.
It's literally how do we get motherfuckers vaccinated so we can boost them up a year later.
If I sound like a conspiracy theorist, so be it.
But I think that makes sense what I just said.
It makes sense.
Questions.
Are you guys adamant about not putting the mask back on?
What if the new rule is you have to get a booster once a year to continue not wearing a mask?
Are you doing it?
Give me all 12 right now.
Diamond Booster Strategy00:03:59
I'll do 12 years of boosters right in my house.
You put it right in my nostrils.
Do whatever the fuck you like.
My head.
Put it right there.
I honestly, like, Neo.
I had already in my mind, I was like, look, again, the flu mutates every year.
This is a virus.
It seems very contagious.
It's going to mutate every year.
I think it would have mutated regardless.
I'll get the booster.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm also not going to, to Andrew's point, if they say you have to wear masks, I'm not going to be the fucking girl, the guy yelling about my freedom, blah, blah, blah.
All right, I'll fucking comply.
But I'm going to try to, just like Andrew, I'm going to try to not, I'm going to not wear it until you tell me to.
Also, I will say this: I lied to you about the booster.
I'm only going to take the booster if I get it again.
Like, I already got to wait till that shit runs out.
Let me run it, bro.
Like, I'm feeling good.
What if they say, like, oh, your shot is only you got it within a year.
So after 12 years of the year, there's legislation that says you have to within a year.
You have to get mask back on.
So I'll be like, no, I got my shit.
No, I'll get a fake ID.
What if they show you?
Oh, yeah.
I got a fake ID.
Oh, okay.
I get a fake ID.
Okay.
Until I get it again.
If I get it again, then I'll be like, man, that's all I mean.
My bad.
Yeah.
You know, and then I'll run in there and I get boosted back up.
But I'm good.
Like, I was ready to let them antibodies that I got in Miami run it.
You know, to work here, you don't have to be vaccinated.
To take the private jet between gigs for the tour, it's vaccinated only, baby.
So if you want to be on the PJ, you got to be vaccinated.
Show a card.
Yo, you got delta.
You get delta on delta, bro.
Delta.
Spirit, baby.
No.
Chill, chill, chill, chill.
Yeah, chill.
You're talking reckless, bro.
We got platinum.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
That's your status, still don't treat us with no respect.
It's crazy how little that shit means in the end.
I'm going to be getting upgraded every time.
I'm like, what is this?
These motherfuckers keeping Benton Pressure metals.
Yeah.
Like, how many precious metals we got?
Like, it's platinum.
That's it.
Don't ruby me fucking diamond.
I got Delta Mozanite, bro.
I got the fake one.
I'm like, what?
I don't get no benefits with this.
I can't get close.
They didn't even say your name before.
Silver and gold is nothing.
Platinum does a little something, but you got to get that diamond.
I'm at the highest.
That shit.
I still don't get upgraded.
I'm diamond, son.
You're not diamond.
I'm 1k on United, which is the same thing as they got silver.
No, but United is platinum diamond.
1K.
Yeah, I'm that.
And I still don't get upgraded every day.
Pesos, bro.
United is a different shit.
Shit blows my mind.
United, you get up, upgrade.
Nobody care.
Yeah, I know, right?
Delta.
Hey, I'm sorry, Platinum.
I'm sorry, you little precious platinum.
You boy, that shit is precious.
That's not platinum.
You're gonna be diamond soon.
I think I'm diamond soon.
No, you'll get there.
You'll get there.
You'll get there.
But you're not even.
You're a K. What is that?
1K.
I'm going to go from medals to K. K. Because it's too high.
There's no medals left.
Diamonds.
Diamonds ain't got no value, dog.
Come on.
Yeah, you might as well have a Mozanite, bro.
You might as well have a Mozanite.
Letters have value?
No.
Hey, I'm a bad man.
It's a number.
It's a thousand.
I'm a thousand.
Ooh, profo, you got a dog.
I'm at a thousand.
A diamond, you get for a thousand.
You want to say a little baby look, baby money.
Die money.
I got that.
Diamond money.
You don't need no diamonds.
Diamonds.
I got money, bro.
You know what?
Ask your girl if she wants a K for her birthday.
Ask your girl if she wants a K for her birthday.
Absolutely.
Every kid gets a kid.
Because he's so salty that fucking England just took all their diamonds out.
Yeah, that's fast.
I know I'm not hearing this shit from a black dude.
I already know Big Dude.
Y'all hear the point diamonds.
As you were saying to Senator, I was praying you ain't gonna get through that shit without stumbling, bro.
I was like, all right, he's good.
He got this.
He got this.
Come on, I got it.
They gotta have United Bitcoin.
That's what I need.
Yeah, y'all need something different than K. K is trash.
Throw all my K members, come to the front of the plant.
What is that?
I only stole United because everybody else likes Delta.
I almost switched over United when they dragged that Asian out the fucking plane, bro.
I almost went with them because I was like, that's my type of airline, bro.
I like when they get gully.
Like when motherfuckers start disturbing some shit, drag them out.
You don't like that.
Drag them out.
So then go to spirit because that shit happens every week.
Now you have airplanes, bro.
You get dragged off that shit.
No, I wouldn't get dragged up, but they would have dragged off that motherfucker that took my seat last week.
Dragged that motherfucker.
Spirit Airlines Shaving Joke00:05:51
And Pick and Flexion would have been dragged off too in his shorts.
You'd have been dragged off for mass policy violations.
These motherfuckers ain't plats in them.
No, you'd have to be kidding.
I got platinum.
You'd have to be K if you were.
What is K?
K star.
I know.
That is.
Call me something real.
A K is nonsense.
The only time a K is good when it's followed by two others.
That's good.
That's good.
Try to set that shit.
That's why you kept this shit going.
No, I got to get in the moment five minutes ago.
Conversation's done now.
All right.
That's it.
We out of here.
Yeah.
Three hours.
Is it a full shave?
Is it a full shave or kind of for your head?
Can I trim?
No, I know.
I know you.
I know.
I know.
I got it.
Let's go legs for legs.
I got it on a roll.
I can't go look.
You got no pop.
Andy Beal, dog.
I'm Andy Beale.
Because I know the game's random.
So you agree?
The game could be random sometimes.
Wow, Mark's Gary.
We're donating.
We're donating to hair.
Shaved a bald.
Oh, lots of love, bro.
Your shit going to locks of love, bro.
Going to a cancer.
No, no, no.
You can't donate it.
Come on.
Don't.
I light it on fire.
I light your hair on fire in front of a cancer ward.
Donate it to Indians.
So now they have your hair.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We don't want that nappy shit, but we finally get something.
We're going to get you.
We're going to shave your fucking head bald, dog.
Are you going to shave your legs though?
Yeah, of course.
I'll shave my legs.
Both.
Actually, I'll wax them.
That'd be nice.
I can't believe you agreed to that.
I didn't.
I really agreed.
We're about to be a winner.
Dude, that shit's crazy.
Just off rip.
Do all this guns.
Me and my girl together.
This is unfair trade.
You agreed to it.
You agreed to it.
Your whole head gets shaved.
And I didn't say.
What?
Because I'm not losing.
Wait, And I'll be honest with you now, your boy gonna practice.
I'm practicing.
When are we doing this?
When are we doing this?
But no, you first have to get a win or a few wins before you can play me.
I'm not shaving my head, though.
You are shaving your head.
Yo, Mark, you can't do that.
You can't do this shit.
He's gonna sleep on tour.
He's gonna sleep on tour.
It will be shaved.
Whether you like it or not, it will be shaved.
Like, you can't ask that.
Are you guys familiar with the banker Andy Beale?
There's a book called The Banker and the Suicide King I read back in the day, and it was about this banker that was.
Shut the fuck up.
Thank you.
Thank you.
It just happened.
I was like, shut the fuck up.
I was going to shut the fuck up.
So, this book.
Andy Beale was this banker in Texas.
And he was actually the first guy to privatize space travel in the U.S.
And then NASA just outbid him for work shit.
Like, he found a way to put satellites up for cheaper.
And then NASA was like, nah, we'll just make it even cheaper.
Just to fuck him over, but he found a way to do it.
And he liked to play poker.
And what he figured was that the professional poker players were better than him.
But if he could raise the stakes enough to where they would get nervous, he could beat them in poker.
So he got all the best poker players and he was sitting down for super high-stakes poker.
And he was able to compete and sometimes beat these guys.
And he would have these different monitors that like monitored his heartbeat and shit like that and monitored any ticks that he would have to make sure that he would not play the game any differently.
But he knew he was so rich that once it got into, I don't know what the millions of dollars.
Exactly.
Once it got into millions of dollars, these guys' lives were on the line.
Yeah.
And his wasn't.
He was going to be okay.
And that's the stakes that I had to raise with you.
I knew you didn't want that hair to go, Samson, but it's going.
Okay?
No, but I actually won't lose it.
I don't think I'll lose it.
Your hair?
I hope you don't.
I love that hair, but that shit loses.
I feel the confidence.
I feel the confidence waning in you so hard.
The hair is beautiful, man.
It's great, dude.
It looks amazing, bro.
Do not want to see his box head after that shit is shaving.
Remember him back in the day?
Yeah, you're your hair, son.
Bro, take your hat off right now.
Show me your hair.
Show me your gummy worm.
Take your gummy worm, bro.
Let me see your gummy worm, bro.
For real, dog.
We're going to turn you into John Cena, bro.
I'm going to turn your ass into John Cena.
I'm going to rub your legs, bro.
Completely.
I'm going to rub your legs.
It's fine if you shave my legs.
I've been waiting for my legs to be shaved.
I'll actually probably shave it all the way up to my Becker and shit.
I'll just go.
I'll just dip myself into like a nairbath and then just let all the hair fall right off of me.
I'll be the happiest man in the world.
But your hair, my dick might be on pot.
But your hair gone, I'm going to make sure we put it on something and we're going to leave it here.
Oh, nice.
It's like you've been beheaded.
You've been scalped.
No, I'll be hotter, bro.
We're scalping.
I'm going to be hotter for the Native Americans, dog.
This is payback.
To make me hotter?
How's that payback?
You can spit it whatever way you want.
Dude, are you kidding me?
I've gotten you so much hotter.
You're a waterhead, dog.
You're gonna look at the front of a Viking shit.
There's no way.
I'm gonna be way hotter.
I pull my shit back anyway.
I'm gonna look way hotter.
You'll see.
And it ain't gonna grow back the same.
I know.
I even have to get on the keeps and shit.
Once you shave your hair at this age, it doesn't grow back the same.