Matteo Lane joins Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh to dissect gay culture's evolution, from the "gay voice" and fashion appropriation to the AIDS epidemic's legacy and Joan Rivers' comedic defense. The hosts debate privilege versus gratitude, the "gay ceiling" in comedy, and Team USA's Olympic failures, veering into conspiracy theories about Indian athletes and critical race theory. They analyze Jack Harlow's marketing, Bitcoin's psychology, Dr. Dre's divorce settlement, and the NFL's vaccine mandates, concluding with critiques of Rolling Loud performances and a promotion for their upcoming tour. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Stereotypes and Filters00:14:56
Stereotype of lesbians, of course, is like the hi, my wife and I make our own water.
You know, like the kind of just sort of this is the first time any of you have met a gay person.
They went to a dance studio, bro.
You think they do?
No, that's what they did growing up.
Faggot.
But I did.
Yes.
We've been trying to tell him.
Girl.
Take care.
What's up, everybody?
And welcome to Flagrant 2.
It's your boy Schultze.
I'm here at Akash saying Alex Media, Mark Gagnon.
A truffle's not here, but we have a special guest.
Very, very special guest.
Hilarious comedian, amazing artist, best kept secret in the comedy world.
The art is incredible.
And by far, the most immaculate body in comedy.
Also, operatic singer.
Before we get to how he's going to be.
That's right.
That's right.
But I want to get right to how hot he is.
Okay.
Because we, a couple of weeks ago, we came back from Akash's wedding, and Akash has one of the most stunning cousins you've ever seen in your entire life.
Like, he was so handsome that it was actually uncomfortable.
Does he have the same eye colors?
Yeah.
It's better.
It's better.
Akash thinks they look similar.
They don't look even close.
It's not even fucking close.
Okay.
We're going to show you the photo.
But what I'm saying is you're shitting on him.
We're here with Mateo Lane, everybody.
Mateo Lane.
Best body in comedy.
I know you're not going to go to his Instagram right now at Mateo Lane and check out the best body in comedy.
Honestly, Mateo is what you think you look like.
Son, can we talk about this?
Remember when I had a mustache?
I'll never forget it.
Okay.
I had a mustache for like, what, a month?
It was a little longer than a month.
There was, you did have a mustache.
Don't play it down.
You had a mustache.
It was a little like an Instagram filter mustache.
Until you had a girl, you loved enough to shave it.
That's what got my fiancé.
Really?
The stash.
Wow.
She loved the stash.
But go on, go on.
No, I liked it.
I was, I would, look, I don't, when people like giving you shit about it, I was like, what do I think about my mustache?
Like, I was like, we have a very similar look.
We have a similar look, but I didn't think about it.
And the second I got the mustache, I'm getting tagged in every one of Mateo's pictures, right?
Stop.
I was.
I was.
And that's when I literally discovered that.
You don't know what I'm fasting down here, dog.
You don't know what I got.
Okay.
Listen, I'm okay.
I'm doing fine.
I'm better than these guys.
And I'm better than these guys.
Listen.
Let's get on this guy.
I don't know about these guys.
I'm better than these guys.
It's 10% body fat, Torio.
It's under 10%.
If y'all want to stay on the tour, you got to get under 10%.
Okay.
This is serious, bro.
This is America.
No, we're not.
So I started getting tagged in your pictures, right?
And I didn't realize you were stacked, bro.
I didn't realize it because I never looked at the Instagram before.
We've known each other for years.
And then I go to Instagram and it is like, it's a problem, bro.
It's a problem.
I've pulled it up on a flight middle seat.
And the first picture, Instagram, just pops up.
And there's just two dudes looking at me just lusting over your shirtless picture.
The bigger problem here is you're in a middle seat.
Why wouldn't you take an eye?
I was trying to be humble, guys.
I was in first class.
I was just trying to be humble.
You were in the Delta first class, getting your meal.
Sure.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I feel really bad about that.
Nah, you were the meal.
Keep talking about my little snack box.
That's true.
Okay.
So, Mateo, is it okay that we're objectifying you like this?
I don't care.
Yeah, that's fine.
Nice.
I'll take anything.
I'm desperate.
Okay.
Are you on Reids?
No, I'm not.
I actually talked to my sister is an IFBB pro, an international fitness bodybuilder.
Like her whole life is that world.
Okay.
And I'm very insecure.
So I was like, what?
Because it seems to me like every single gay man, not every, but like there's a lot that are just doing steroids.
Like it's nothing.
And I was like, oh, what if I did steroids?
She's like, it does this, it does that.
You have to hormone replacement, but it also changes your voice.
And you need the voice.
And I was like, oh, I wish I said because of health reasons, or I'm not like gay.
Like, just the voice.
Yeah.
Have you heard these guys sing?
I just want to sing and I do all, you know, so I was like, yeah, it would be really dumb if I did three months of steroids to look good at mekonos for one Instagram pick and then ruined years of my voice.
Like I just not worth it to me.
So right now I'm not.
Just a lot of eating.
I'm not that big.
I'm just sort of target like that.
I'm not.
Can I ask you a question?
Do you fluff?
Do you fluff before the pictures?
What do you mean?
Oh, like do push-ups?
No, no, no, no.
You know what I mean?
Oh, oh, oh, you know what I mean?
I should have known that over top bad boy.
I'm just Italian.
No need.
Natural fluff.
So you never like, so you'll do push-ups so you'll have like maybe veins and shit going for your arms.
Sometimes, sometimes it's just lighting.
My friend Sam, who's a really good photographer, it's honestly, it's just lighting.
I don't like the humility.
Yeah.
I don't like it.
I'm looking at you, buddy.
This lighting ain't that great.
It's pretty.
This is very bright.
It's very Kathy Lee and Regis Philbin.
Like, it's very bright.
Al, yeah.
Kathy Lee.
You're welcome.
Okay.
So, Mateo, we have you here.
Yeah.
One of the things that like comments I'll often get like on Instagram, right?
Like, especially if I'm doing like, you know, some stand-up or even on YouTube, they'll be like, how does this guy know these like nuanced things about these specific cultures that he should know about?
Like as a white guy, I'm not supposed to know anything about the world.
And I think one of the reasons is like when there's somebody who knows about like a niche culture, I really start to ask questions.
Some of them are stupid.
Some of them might be good questions, but I need to know and I'm very curious.
Sure.
Okay.
I cannot understand for the life of me why gay dudes are like so fucking, you know well, put together the outfit, the fucking body.
There's like imagine this immense pressure, like whatever women talk about, like the pressure that they have to be the standards they have to keep right like, is it even crazier for gay dudes?
Right sure, maybe we don't have to compete, but you know what i'm saying.
And then, and then lesbians and i'm not trying to trash, but it's like Post Malone, like they're just trying to be post Malone so so, and I, and I don't understand the thing right, because when, when women are straight, they're pushing each other.
Who can be skinnier, who can be?
Seems like the problem is men.
Yes, is that it?
Yeah, I think so.
We keep women beautiful uh, or people beautiful, I feel.
Well, I feel like, first of all, there's like there's many different sets of lesbians.
Right okay, break it, break it down, break it down.
The stereotype of lesbians, of course, is like the hi, my wife and I make our own water.
You know, like the kind of, just just sort of like you know what we're talking about.
Like, am I wrong?
Like home deep, like you know, like the stereotype of a lesbian, Like, I'm gonna get shit done.
You know, they're just in a lesbian wall.
They aren't.
Well, lesbians, you know, they go to bed and gays are just waking up.
It's 4 p.m.
It's just like, I here's the thing, too.
Like, gays and lesbians don't really change no matter where we go.
I was, I was just in Italy, and there was one, there's one gay bar in Rome, and they're, you know, they're not very open about being gay in Italy.
Yeah.
And, but of course, this one's called Coming Out, and it's next to the Coliseum.
Gayest culture in America, in the world, I feel like.
Well, what's funny is Italians.
Yeah, they look strange in Italy just be acting the gay.
Dude, they sexually harass the women like crazy.
Like, it's a matter of fact.
I look like I'm crushing pussy in Italy.
Like, that's a problem.
Yes, you fit into no one believes.
Madobe, la turre gazza.
I'm like, oh no, I'm gay.
Guy.
You know, like, yes, I'm not gay.
I'm homosexual, you know, like Romans.
But I saw there was, we had a gay bar, and there was a bubble machine they put outside this bar.
That will get them in.
Oh, by the way, Italians, tacky.
So these gays are trying to figure it out.
By the way, the gay voice doesn't change in any language.
We have a gay accent in every language.
So it's the same gay accent.
Yeah, it's every Spanish too.
Every accent.
I'm really curious about that, but finish this story.
Oh, so they're trying to figure out this bubble machine.
It's not working, and they're basically just mincing around this bubble machine, and nothing was happening.
And then literally, like, 15 minutes later, a lesbian with a ladder came out, fixed it.
They celebrate it.
And I was like, this is so like, we just don't, we're not, we're no different.
Like, any language culture, like gays are the exact same.
So, but, anyways, lesbians.
No, that's, I think that's a huge stereotype, but there's, like, there's like, you know, there's so many hot lesbian couples.
And Sydney Washington is the hottest lesbian on the face of the planet.
Who's her girl?
Oh my God.
She's such a funny comedian.
Do you know Sydney Washington?
Oh, yes, yes, history.
Super, super funny comedian.
Super funny.
And she's like, every time she FaceTimes me, I'm like, are you Mariah Carey?
Like, she's just like gorgeous with gorgeous hair.
So I think it's just like an old stereotype.
That's an old trope.
But also, too, there's not many lesbian bars.
There's one up the block.
There's one up the block here.
Yeah, and they're pulling up in Harley's and shit.
Like, they're like leaning in big to the stereotype.
The Carls Jr.
That's the bar.
That's the bar.
It's like a burger drink.
Yeah.
No, they love a fast food spot, dude.
All of our McDonald's.
All of our cups are.
Oh my God, it closed down.
I know, but that was like home.
That was like Shredder's Lair for lesbians.
Right?
Like, that was like the watering hole.
It was Shredder's Lair.
Shredder's Lair.
That's true.
It did feel like a 90.
That was what.
Did you see that video of that guy with the crowbar there?
Oh, and like he was fighting.
Yeah, there was like girls yelling, and he like he was an employee, and he walked in the back and got a crowbar and just beat them.
And I was like, Yeah, that's just a Tuesday at that McDonald's.
What is it about that McDonald's?
That's like a nice neighborhood, like friendly.
It's too many drunk people.
It's just everybody gets drunk and then you're drunk at three in the morning.
You're going to go to McDonald's and it's just the most trash human beings.
And it's close to like an old historic gay neighborhood, right?
Sure, the West Village.
Yeah.
Stonewall.
But is that like, is that almost like Times Square for gay neighborhoods now?
Like, is it almost like, you know what I mean?
Like, just way less of a budget.
Yeah.
But like, if a gay guy was like, let's go out on a date, like over in Christopher Street, you'd be like, oh, that's adorable.
Should we go to Appleby's?
Yeah.
Are you new to this?
This guy just came out.
Yeah, I guess so.
I don't know.
It was so funny, is I don't go out anymore.
Like, I don't.
No, I just do shows and play Fortnite.
That's it.
I'm like, so not the typical fag.
Like, I, I, he dropped it.
He dropped it.
Like, I really don't get anything.
Don't blur him out.
But no, I don't know.
I know I look a certain way, but I'm really just like at home listening to Sarah Vaughan playing Call of Duty or, you know, I'm not very like going out.
Okay, break down the gay voice to us.
Sure.
The history of it, like, what is, you know, he started with that magic mirror in Snow White.
I think that's where it started.
I told you.
First of all, I told you I'm in for it today, bro.
That is the gayest character of all.
First of all, that was my entire existence in life.
You know how, like, we look at like black people.
We're like, are they just more athletic?
Are gay people just funnier?
Yeah.
Let me explain why gay people are.
So my friend Nick, who's a complete monster of a human being, and he has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
But she, during the beginning, I hope you get this reference.
If you don't get it, you're all straight, but bear with me.
So in the beginning of the, this is the kind of person he is, right?
So we were talking about like customer service, when you're dealing with, like the automated message, and so I said, when you finally get to a person, be nice to them, because they've been dealing with such assholes all day.
And he goes oh, not me, I go straight for the jugular.
Like what do you say?
He goes, well, this woman from Verizon, after 40 minutes of waiting, she picks up this is Sally from Verizon.
How can I help you?
I said, Sally, you're gonna have to get your manager, because I can already tell you're not gonna be able to help me.
How to create a homophobe?
Yeah, he's not a good advertisement for us, like the Trevor Project's not getting him on this.
But you know, but I will say when, when I, when the pandemic hit, I was worried about it because he has no life skills.
He can't do anything, he can't cook, he can't clean, he can't nothing and no life skills.
So I was worried and I said Nick, you know you're gonna have to go grocery shopping because they're closing everything down.
He goes, well, I don't grocery shop.
And I said okay, let's make a list.
We'll start with breakfast.
What do you have for breakfast?
Every day?
He goes, dunk and donuts, iced coffee.
I said, well, they're closing, DUNK and donuts, you're gonna have to make your own iced coffee.
He goes.
I'm not Laura Ingalls Wilder, she's from Little House On The Prairie and that's the reference which, by the way, in a gay room kills guys were straight.
It's brutal like crying, laughing.
I'm working out right now that does not get a laugh with straight people.
Go, because I went to Spain and Barcelona three weeks ago and I went to do this whole rendezvous with my ex.
We were going to like sort of have this, see if we can work out blah blah this, and that we hadn't seen each other in two years.
So we planned this whole thing for this guy like yeah, I'll send you.
Well no, because he doesn't want to be talked to, I'll show you privately.
I just want to know what you're dealing with.
You know he's, I want to know what you're thinking.
Then he's railing me.
So um, I mean, he's so hot, so he's hot boy.
Oh, sometimes I talk about gay sex on stage and straight people get uncomfortable.
I'm like, what do you think gay people are doing?
Having sex, holding hands, watching friends, like it's brutal.
Every day they do think that it's brutal.
After three weeks they are, but you know the first three weeks but uh, but anyway.
So when I, when I, they're just dudes bro, at the end of the day it's like dudes are gonna be dudes.
Oh, monsters.
Like three weeks of crazy sex.
And then they're like, why am I this thing?
Meanwhile, lesbians meet, lesbians meet in passing, and they're like, I'll marry you.
So that is a true stereotype.
But um anyway, so he lives in Barcelona.
Yeah, so I had a flight that went from New York to Paris first and then from Paris to Barcelona.
I don't like this Italian shade.
Okay, I'm annoyed by this.
So I call him.
When I get to Paris, as a layover and not seen him in two years, I said hi.
I said you know I'm coming to Barcelona and I'll see you in two hours.
Douche Before Paris00:07:04
He goes, amore, I have Covid and I was like, but I douched.
Oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness.
90s Mateo, bro.
I don't know how we got from gay voice to here, but I'm glad.
To me, it's parallel.
I'm like, it's the same.
But yeah, America Swabs.
Look, I was so pissed.
What are you going to do here, man?
Come on.
It's a COVID test.
Oh, my God.
So I was pissed.
Audiences don't get, by the way, audiences don't get that.
I tell that joke as you do.
You don't actually know what douching is?
Well, gays do, but like when I'm on the road, the audience gets, but like the seller, they're just yeah, they're like 19-year-old white kids.
They're like, what's douching?
Yeah.
Douching is how women used to clean their pussies back.
Well, in the 80s, they had those commercials that was like, they're trying to disguise any kind of naturalness of the vagina.
They're like, make it smell like lavender.
I'm like, that's not natural.
Yeah, that's okay, though.
They had the lavender is cool.
They had a douching commercial in the 80s.
It was a mom and a woman walking on the beach.
And this is literally the commercial.
She goes, Mom, I have a question.
Yes, honey.
Do you douche?
And I was like, uh-huh.
I was like, I don't think any mothers had that conversation with their daughter.
Definitely not.
No, no.
In that way, too.
Yeah, that'd be a little bit on a beach in Connecticut.
Okay, so you're douching it up.
Douche, already douche, had a clean asshole on the plane, which honestly, I don't know.
None of you seem like you've had clean assholes before, but I mean, I have a bidet.
I have a bounce.
I don't have a bidet.
Half a roll.
No toilet paper balled inside.
Yeah, yeah.
In my asshole right now, guaranteed.
What's your asshole?
I have half a roll of toilet paper balled up in my asshole.
Yeah, his is the most atrocious of all time.
I feel like straight men just don't know what's happening, baby.
No, I just have so much hair in my ass, and then like when I wipe, it gets like shredded, and it's awful.
When I wipe, it's like a cheese grater.
That's what the toilet paper looks like.
Have you ever thought of like just trimming to make that process, which you do daily?
I just started trimming my pubes.
Just now?
Well, no, I've been using manscaped.
No.
I do use manscaped.
It's great.
No, my balls don't get caught.
Not my hair.
Nothing's happening to my hair.
I feel like you should try it and report back to me.
I had it waxed once.
That's horrible.
It was great.
It felt really good.
Why is that bad?
Because it feels so painful to wax your asshole.
I should feel good.
Now I'm super stupid.
Hold on, wait, what?
What's painful?
Like, I'm sure you had way more painful things in your ass.
Like, there's no way a waxing is going to be.
It just depends on the guy.
Yeah, I was going to say, you might be a natural bottom.
I think I might be.
I think I smell it.
I might not.
None of you really.
Did you smell?
Did you smell?
I'm sorry.
Just, you know, you look great.
See, we've been telling him this for years.
And he says, no, I caught.
No, I love you.
You know, two natural bottoms.
They don't fit.
So here's my question: because a stereotype about gays is that, like, it's, it's down anytime, right?
You're at David Barton gym, it's fucking down, right?
If you're at the library, what's going down?
Going down turns down.
The library.
Who knows?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
But you're dignified, gays, you know, gas stations.
Sure.
Dignified gays don't exist, but go on.
It's just in the movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's just straight people's portrayal of gays.
Right, right, right.
Making gay sex, like lighting a candle.
No, no, it's rough.
It's great.
So my question is, it's like, isn't there some preparation for this?
That's why I don't understand the stereotype.
It's not like you're just throwing dick in ass.
Like, I've put dick in an ass before.
That's not easy.
It takes time.
It takes fucking lube.
Like you said, like, you might want to douche before it happens.
So this idea that you just see somebody at a bar and you're like, you want to go to the bathroom and do it, does that really happen?
Or is that like just a gross stereotype?
I mean, I guess it just depends on your state of mind going out.
Like, if you think you're probably going to get fucked, you probably want to douche beforehand.
And douching doesn't take hours.
I mean, it can be pretty quick.
Is there like a rapid douche?
Yeah, like a neti pop.
Yeah, yeah.
Like a drive-through.
And sometimes I see like guys' assholes in porn.
I'm like, did they hire a firehouse to clean out that asshole?
Like, I mean, sometimes just too, if it's too pristine, I said what I said.
I love how he's locked in.
Huh?
Get that wife.
I was just hearing this all for the first time.
I'm like, okay, let's go.
This is the first time any of you have met a gay person.
Yes.
Okay.
No, no, no.
My parents.
My parents are a dance studio, bro.
You think they do?
No, that's what they did growing up.
Faggot.
But I've been trying to tell you.
Girls.
Take that, Akash.
Take that.
Aka.
Okay.
More gay points for me today.
All right.
Look at you drinking your water.
I got a waifu.
Do you know what a waifu is?
It's like drink this much water in a day kind of thing.
No, no.
It's like, what is a waifu again?
Where's the where's shifty?
It's something like gaming thing.
Like it's like a Japanese anime chip.
That she seems hot.
Yeah.
No, it's like lonely guys that will buy like they'll fall in love with like these anime characters.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And then they'll buy like they'll buy pillows.
I don't, but I'm such a bad game.
I mean, I'm not like, I can barely understand technology.
Like on Twitch, I just, I, what did you just bring?
Are you douching?
What is that?
That's a CBD pipe.
We're going to get lit here, buddy.
It's the freeze pipe.
We're going to get some smoke and seed.
If you got weed, we'll do that and we'll get fucked up and have a good time.
I got to go to the gym after this.
Buddy.
Okay.
So, so gay voice.
So one thing I was always curious about gay voice is like my voice is obviously influenced by the people I'm around.
Right.
And people think that I'm faking it at times.
They'll be like, oh, you sound black or oh, you sound Italian or all these.
But when I grew up, I grew up around black people.
I grew up around like, you know, Irish, Italian people.
So like it affected the way that I spoke.
Sure.
But at a certain point, it's a choice.
When I was in Spain, I didn't speak with like a New York accent.
I spoke Spanish with a Spanish accent, or at least as close as I could get.
So how much of the quote-unquote gay voice is a choice?
And how much of it is just like natural?
Because these are the people I'm around.
Like when Madonna was with Guy Richie and then she started speaking with English language.
Yeah.
Look at it this way.
In my mind, I sound like yeah.
Like in my mind, I sound like Gaston.
I sound like it's true, Liberal.
Like I sound so manly.
And then I hear my voice and I'm like, well, I was, um, I missed the mark.
But I think that's the thing too.
Is like, I just, we, I, I, most gay people you talk to, we just don't know.
We just think we sound until you hear yourself.
And I don't, I don't know if I have an answer.
Do you think it's a genetic thing or do you think it's a it's a choice?
Well, it's not a choice when you're seven.
Gay Voice Origins00:03:33
You know what I mean?
Like you just don't know what you're doing.
So I don't think I really realized I sounded like a complete homosexual until I was in middle school.
What are you laughing at?
Are you born that way?
Or is it?
Let's get to the fucking bottom of this.
No, I know you're born gay.
Well, actually, do you think you're born gay?
Yeah.
100%.
Of course.
Now, do you think any people are like diddled into bi?
Diddled.
You know what I mean?
Like, like they had some fucked up sexual experiences when they're young and it kind of warps their idea of what sexuality is.
No, I think the same way.
Like, I would, okay, like diddled into bi.
Not diddled into a full gay, but diddled into bi.
Are you trying to convert that?
Is that what it is?
Say what?
Are you trying to convert me?
I'm fucking ready, dude.
I'll start slapping my man pussy right now.
You're a man, but you're a pussy.
My pussy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I made it of age.
It's not a boy pussy, bro.
It's man.
Sure.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I just think it's the same way.
It's like, you know, when did you know you were straight?
That's the thing that, okay, this is a whole different conversation, but like, that's the thing, understanding identity.
You know, like, there's so much conversation about like gender and stuff with identity.
And I'm like, when do you know what you are?
And how do you know what you are?
When did you know you were straight?
Honestly, guys, I'm going to interrupt myself speaking and tell you guys about something incredibly important, and that's the infamous tour.
Damn right, Charlotte, we're coming to you next, okay?
Then we're getting it cracking, Dallas, Houston, Tucson.
We got some amazing shows we added at cities, okay?
LA, we got four shows.
I think those are pretty much all sold out.
We added another San Francisco show, we added a Vegas show.
We added another show at the Chicago Theater.
I mean, that is absolutely legendary.
Go check out these dates, DAndrewSchultz.com.
We are coming to your city guaranteed.
So go check out the full list of dates.
Get those tickets early.
I cannot stress this enough.
Do not wait because we are not going to add more.
Okay.
Go now, DeAndrewSchultz.com.
Go check those out.
I'm telling you, we'll be there soon.
We got Philadelphia that we're going to come to.
Very excited.
We add another one in Washington, D.C. as well.
That San Francisco show, I mean, is going to be fun in Florida.
We're coming back down there in Jacksonville.
Shit, Fargo, we're coming to you in Boston for New Year's Eve.
Very excited.
TheandrewSchultz.com.
Get all those tickets.
Cannot wait to be out there in these fucking theaters, man.
It's going to be absolutely crazy.
Akash Singh, tell them what you got going on, man.
Yo, I am coming to Naples, Florida.
We're back, baby.
Off the hook comedy club, August 5th through 8th.
Get your ass out there.
Then, September 23rd through 25th, I am at the Moontower Comedy Festival in Austin, back in Texas.
October 8th and 9th, I am at DC in the comedy loft.
October 15th, Toronto.
I'm finally coming up there.
Y'all better buy these fucking tickets.
Grand Gerard Theater.
We fought with them, got the link live earlier than they wanted to, but I know that shit is going to sell out, so come through.
November 5th, Atlanta Red Clay Comedy Festival.
And November 11th through 13th, I'm in Indianapolis at Helium.
Also, something we started doing at the end of the last show of the night, I bring the other comics on stage and we do like a question and answer, have fun, fuck around thing.
And we've been streaming that on Twitch.
Tried it for the first time in Baltimore.
It was super fun.
So twitch.tv/slash Akash Sing Comedy if you want to check that out.
Alex.
Oh, it's dope.
So, guys, also, if you're in the tri-state area looking for a dope studio to film your podcast or you're looking for a place to do a photo shoot at, head over to WTFmediastudios.com.
We also give advice, consults for how to get your shit started.
Head over to WTFmediastudios.com.
And Drew, this show is brought to you by.
Atlanta Comedy Show00:10:04
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Now let's get back to the show.
When did you know you were straight?
Honestly, preschool.
What happened?
These girls would kiss me on the cheek, bro, and I was like, this is lit.
And I would go to school and I was like, if she kissed me on the cheek, then I would feel really good and it'd be really fun and it'd be awesome.
But at the same time, at that age, I just wanted to grow up and live with my boys in one big house together.
Which is also the gayest thing.
That doesn't go away until you're about 30.
Yeah, that is kind of true.
I mean, I just told him, I was like, what if we all lived in Italy for a month together in a big villa?
I mean, great.
I'll call Diane Lane and we'll recreate Under the Tuscan Sun, which is an awful movie.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, just, I wish I had a better answer for you.
And I want to keep things funny, but I mean, it does come down to like, well, I didn't see gay people when I grew up.
So, and you couldn't talk about it.
Yes.
And you couldn't ask people about it.
So you kind of just internalize everything and it really fucks you up.
So I think now, you know, we're seeing this surgery of people who are really young coming out as non-binary or gay or trans.
And I think straight people are viewing that as like, this is too much.
And this is, and it's like, no, we just finally have people can finally see themselves at a young age and can relate to that, which I had C3PO.
I mean, I had like nothing.
I had like, that was it.
I had Jafar.
I had Scar.
These are gay icons or something?
That's gay people I saw on TV.
Always some kind of C3P.
Yes.
Gay PO.
No, it makes so much sense.
They break it down.
He's breaking down.
First of all, he's gay, right?
And I've done this as a bit because he got gayer in each Star Wars movie.
Like the first one, he's very subtle.
He's just like, oh, my.
But then like, by Return of the Jedi, at one point, he's literally like, oh, damn.
And R2D2 is a lesbian.
She's a full-blown lesbian.
She's smart.
People need her.
And she came with a tool belt.
Also, like most lesbians, she gets shit done.
When the Millennium Falcon breaks down, they're not calling 3PO.
They're like, R2, get in here.
She got the ladder at the nightclub.
She did.
She did.
Yes, that is right.
But then, you know, Jafar, who's like very gay.
Jafar gay, I see it.
Is Jafar gay?
Man, with the power of the colours.
Prince Aboo Boo.
Sure.
Yeah.
Scar, Ursula.
Ursula's lesbian.
Drag.
She was based after a real drag queen named Divine, who was very...
I've heard of Devine.
Of course.
She was very popular in the 80s.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So this is, okay, keep going on this because then I want to talk about RuPaul's Drag Pace because you said the most interesting thing about drag race I've ever heard.
Oh, what did I say?
You were like, it's the first time a gay show was made for gay people.
Yes.
I would say, you know.
It wasn't trying to like create this idea of homosexuality for straight people.
Right.
Queer Eye or something.
Yeah, Queer Eye is like, exactly.
What is Queer Eye?
It's a television series.
You got to be polite.
And they're offering me a role.
And I wish.
I would be so horrible on that show, though, because they're so nice and they want to be together and work together.
They are.
I've met a lot of them.
The first part of the show, though, this fucks me.
They just go through the guy's stuff and just shit on all of it.
They just bully this guy.
Who would wear such a thing?
But that's the role for gay people in television for like the last 50 years.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
And also, too, like, the first iteration of the show was the first time you saw gay people in living rooms that weren't like, you know, Philadelphia.
You know what I mean?
Like, it was like something.
You know what I mean?
It was like something nice, kind of.
Even though we were like... Little America's like, where's the bruises?
Right.
I don't even recognize these guys.
But we were a little like Captain Planet of gays.
Like at that time, you know, remember Captain Planet?
They had like all their ring pop, like Earth, fire, they were like, purse, you know, but it was good.
I love Carthage.
It was a great show.
But then, you know, as time moved on, it's like, I think they've adapted the show so that it's not just like, you know, queer people walking and being like, this sucks.
But it does feel like we've done gay people have done everything for you people.
And it's like, it's enough already.
We've done your weddings, your hair, your makeup, your movies.
And we show up in the middle of Indiana and this lady's like, my husband can't put his pants on.
I'm like, why is that our problem?
You had years to know how to do this.
Like, you figure it out.
That show should be five gay men on an island smoking, being like, we hate you.
Like, that should be the show.
But, but you said drag race.
Oh, so drag race.
Well, you remember where we were?
We were leaving some gig or something like that.
And like, you were breaking down drag race to me.
And you're just like, yeah, we love it.
And I'm like, I'm like, why?
Why is this any different?
You're like, we're finally not explaining what it is to be gay to straight people.
Right.
We're just being ourselves, super nuanced, like, niche jokes that only we get.
And they don't care if nobody else gets it.
Right.
And the coolest thing about it is it's, and again, I, you know, don't let me speak for you here, but like it, it is authentic.
And because it's authentic, the world gravitates to it by not trying to appease everybody.
Right.
By just going, this is who we are.
All of a sudden, that like voyeurism kicks in.
Like my fiancé loves it.
Her friends love it.
Yeah.
And I think there's something in us, which is like when you actually get to see people being themselves, enjoying themselves, laughing, you want to know what's so fun.
Right.
Like, what's happening?
Well, it also, I think it demystifies even for gay people.
I mean, you have to, when I came out back in May, when I came out, I was 19, and I didn't even know really what a drag queen was.
I mean, I knew who RuPaul was because of the Brady Bunch movie, which is still.
Do you guys remember that movie?
No.
Yeah.
Ah, vaguely.
There's such a great scene where Jan's talking to RuPaul, who's the school counselor.
And, you know, she's whatever.
And then RuPaul at the end, she's like, Jan, come back when you're pregnant.
I mean, it's a very good movie.
But I remember the first time seeing my first drag queen, because I had not been exposed to it.
It wasn't on TV, nothing.
I didn't know what to make of it.
I also was, at that time, I was coming out of this idea of like, you know, femininity, being feminine was bad.
And I had to sort of like reject anything that made me look gay or this or that, you know.
And that slowly melts away the more you come to terms with who you are and what that is and why that has nothing to do with you.
And so the show, when it first started, it was just on logo and it was low budget and it was just a bunch of drag queens, kind of like a mix of Project Runway and America's Got Talent.
And it's evolved into something that has meant so much more to a lot of people.
So now it's like very popular with white girls and who take over everything.
And I want to talk about that too.
Are people having fun?
We now own it.
But no, it should be something that, you know, should be enjoyed by everybody.
But yeah, that show really helped me melt away my own internalized homophobia.
And even the way I tell jokes is different.
You know, I think I used to, yeah, I used to be, when I first started doing comedy, I'm my only, there's, I've never seen a gay comedian on television with like an hour special ever.
Yes.
It just hasn't existed.
So I had nowhere to look.
And so I went to Kathy Griffin and Joan Rivers and Margaret Cho.
They were the ones that were speaking closest to me.
And, you know, I love Kathy Griffin and I love Joan Rivers, but they've said a lot of disparaging things about women and other celebrities.
And so that was my idea when I started doing comedy.
I was very misogynist and make fun of how people look.
I mean, it's not humor I partake in anymore, really.
Also, I'm a better writer, like as you evolve.
But hopefully we start seeing more gay comics of all varieties so that other people can see us.
That's an interesting thing, though.
Like you've often seen the fan bases for gay celebs be majority female.
Right.
Right.
And then the fan bases for female comedians beat majority gays.
Correct.
Can you explain that phenomenon?
I think it probably has to do with the fact.
I'm sorry if this got so serious.
No, no, we get serious here and then we'll get flagrant and I can talk about juicy again.
No, I want you to be serious, man.
Okay.
I think a lot of it probably has to.
This is also my experience.
I hate now that nowadays everyone has to take on everyone else's experience.
Yeah.
It's like it's my experience.
Relax.
So I think maybe part of that has to do with the fact.
Look, being like the idea, if you're 19 and watching this, you have no concept really of what it was like in the 1980s, 70s, 60s, 50s.
Female Comedian Fanbases00:03:29
When you were gay, like in the 1960s, for example, when bars were raided by cops, it was illegal to be gay.
And not only were they raided, but they took your ID and they posted it on the front of the New York Times.
So you were fired immediately, whatever your job occupation was.
So it just took a really long time for people for this idea of effeminate men, which is not typical to all gay men or queer people, but that was the stereotype to sort of be accepted in entertainment.
And I think we gay men saw themselves in these extravagant women, the Liza Manellis, the Barbara Streisands, the women that were out of the mold, so to speak, and made it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because there was no example of like who they were.
So the closest example of who they wanted to be was maleficent.
Yeah.
It was a horned cunt.
We were like, God, I love her.
Like, that is, yeah.
That's interesting.
Yeah, because you're going to gravitate to who you see yourself as.
And because they weren't basically allowed to exist, the women ended up being that role.
And that's where, like, who was the woman who somewhere over the rainbow?
Oh, my God.
You are such a monster.
Judy Garland.
Judy Garland.
How do you know?
How's there so woman from somewhere over the rainbow?
Somewhere.
Son, the only time he's ever been mad at me.
What did I do?
What did I say?
We were at a show having a great time.
You say Judy Garland.
I look at him.
I'm like, who is that?
And he's like, oh, gosh, are you fucking kidding me?
He was so mad.
He's like, you don't fucking know Judy Garland.
But you do, bro.
I don't.
I never saw that movie.
I never saw Maria.
Oh, I saw that.
Ben Boom.
See, you know.
You think you don't know in your life?
I know her from The Wizard of Oz, of course.
She was the wicked woman West.
She got crushed by a house.
Take up that chair.
She's probably a son of a bitch.
Until you said that, I thought Judy Garland was Julie Andrews.
Until just now.
That's an acceptable answer from a straight person in this dress.
I think in this dress.
Yes, it is acceptable because Julie Andrews is also a gay icon.
Not as big of a gay icon as why Judy Garland.
Why?
Well, it was the.
And why did you let her drink herself to her death?
She didn't.
She was forced.
She was at 11 years old forced on diet pills.
And yes, 11.
She got into MGM, and her mother, you know, beat the living shit out of her, forced her to do because, you know, she said you were too fat.
So they put her on diet pills and sleeping pills because they made 11.
Who's feeding her?
Just don't feed her.
MGM.
And they had a woman who followed her to control what she was eating.
So she would give her a pill to wake up to be on set.
And then she would say, Well, I'm too awake.
We'll take these sleeping pills to go to sleep.
At 11.
So by the time she was like 27, she was in a mental institution.
She never really fully recovered, but she was super talented.
But I think the sort of downtrot, is she going to make it?
She's going to pull through, you know, that kind of story is very fits with gays.
And so we, we just wanted her to win so badly, you know.
And when she died, the next day, the stonewall riots happened.
Oh, shit.
The gays were pissed.
Was that it?
Was it like you were furious about that and you transitioned it?
I think that's like a rumor.
I don't know if there's any truth to it, but I mean, it wouldn't shock me.
Like if Beyonce broke her nail, this city would burn down to the ground.
Just throwing that out there right now.
Okay, so wow, I didn't realize that's what it was.
Stonewall Riots Rumor00:14:57
So now, are there any, are there any gay icons that are supported by gay men that are not in drag?
I think Lil Nas X is great.
I wanted to ask you about Lil Nasa.
I love that.
What is the relationship?
I just love someone who just doesn't give a shit and doesn't placate to what he thinks other people.
I mean, he's doing, you know, people who think there's no more homophobia, just go to his Twitter.
I mean, it's wild.
I love him.
Even people like Todd Hall, but Todd goes back and forth in drag, but he's such a great songwriter and such a performer.
And I mean, there's lots.
And even with gay comics, like, I mean, I think of my favorites, which are like Joel Kimbooster or Solomon Giorgio, Julio Torres, or Tim Dylan, or like, there's so many Alex English, like, there's so many talented gay comics.
I just, I'm, it's really a cool moment right now to watch.
Yeah, it's, it's kind of interesting because like, we were talking about this a little bit the other day when we were on a phone, but look, but as there became this like a push to diversity for diversity, I feel like they almost use homosexuality as like a smokescreen to get straight people more roles.
Wait, what?
Well, like, this happened with me.
I don't know if I ever told you this, but like, I did this sitcom, right?
Or it was like more of a dramedy.
And two weeks before it started, I get a call from Paul Reiser and he goes, hey, buddy, we got to make your character gay.
So I played it gay.
And that's when you grow the mustache.
He's like, what do gays look like?
He's on Mateo's Instagram.
He's like, what do gays look like?
Mateo, got it.
Tank top mustache.
What does gay look like?
The only one I know.
But what happened was like all these closeted roles would come out.
And this is when it was hard to cast, like not hard to cast, obviously there's going to be tons of them, but like casting like the straight white guy as the sidekick.
Of course, the straight white guy's the lead.
But now the sidekick can't be straight white anymore.
We have to have diversity.
So it's a black guy.
It's an Asian dude, whatever.
But if they wanted a white guy to be the sidekick, his like B line, B storyline was he's actually a closeted gay.
And all of a sudden, I would get all these auditions from my agents.
He's a closeted gay.
And I'm like, what the fuck is happening?
Right?
It was really weird.
And I talked to my agent and I was like, do you guys think I'm gay?
Like, why are you giving me like all these roles?
And they're like, oh, no, these are just the ones that come in that you fit.
And I'm like, holy shit.
They're using gayness as like fake diversity to just keep on getting the straight white guys the roles.
I could never do a closeted auditioning.
Can you imagine?
There's something I have to tell you.
Like I could never in a million years.
Like I only have so many roles that I can audition for because I have gay voice.
Like I can't audition for like, hey.
Like I can't.
You can sing opera.
You can't talk straight.
Yeah.
How the fuck is that possible?
I don't know.
I speak five languages and I can't talk straight.
I can understand because he's done impression after impression this whole time.
Except all women and gay dudes.
I mean, my best impression is Liza Minelli.
And it's like.
We won't get it.
We won't know it.
No, none of you will get it.
Not a single person here.
But I do recommend all of you watch Liza Minelli on the Home Shopping Network.
It's four minutes.
Some gays spliced together the best of it.
And it is gay, straight.
It is wildly entertaining.
Oh, what's her thing?
What's it?
She just doesn't give a fuck.
She's just a daughter of Judy Garland, Judy Garland.
Oh, that's why gays love her.
Yes, and she was in cabaret, and she sort of took the torch from her mother and the gays ruined her too.
But, you know, yeah.
She's a singer.
Amazing singer, amazing dancer in 1977.
But yeah, I highly recommend y'all watch that.
And when you watch her right, yes, she was in Arrested Development.
That's how straight people know her.
She was in Arrested Development.
Huzzah.
What are some things that straight people do that we don't even know that we've gotten from gay culture?
Oh, everything you're wearing.
Also, yeah, we never explained our outfits.
So people watching are just like, do they dress up for Matteo?
And the answer is yes.
They did.
No, we're going to Robbie's wedding.
You guys know Robbie.
He was one of the writers for the Netflix special.
Robbie Slovak and Casey Balsham are getting married.
Also on episode Inside Jokes.
Yeah, absolutely.
Did an episode of Inside Jokes together.
So we're going out there to the wedding right afterwards.
Matteo is not invited.
I'm not.
And if I was, I'd wear this.
But yeah, so what are some things that we don't even realize that we've gotten from the gays?
I feel like everything.
But bring that down for dudes.
Because a lot of times dudes don't know.
Yeah, because black people say the same thing.
So you got to parse for us.
What?
Okay, so that's the point.
So the most obvious one is peanut butter.
I think that's black.
I like that.
I think that's black.
It could be both, but we did the jelly.
We did the bread.
That's perfect.
Women contouring.
Women.
Well, a lot with women in makeup, hair, dressing.
But contouring specifically is from like drag queens.
And then that's kind of like moved its way into like Kardashians.
Kardashians are drag queens.
Yeah.
They're fully.
And I, by the way, Kardashians, I know we all talk about them.
They're definitely.
But when you watch them, they're so nice.
Oh, yeah.
You just do not.
I love that.
Like, I don't watch the show, but like every time they're, they're very hatable in the sense of like, fuck those women.
They're the Kardashians.
And then you watch me like, oh, actually not the best.
They're so nice.
Yeah, they're so pleasant.
I really kind of like them.
Okay, so break it down.
What are some things?
Okay.
Well, hair, makeup, clothing, food, architecture.
Architecture.
I mean, oh, yeah.
Give me architecture.
What?
Manhattan is a city of dicks.
Ah, the skyscraper.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I can't.
I really, I guess I don't know.
Like, music, a lot of music, a lot of popular music is, I'm sure there's a homosexual somewhere in there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I was talking about like things that we even do.
Like, you know, how so often you'll see like influence.
I think you brought up the best thing with like black culture influencing pop culture, if you will.
And then some people aren't even aware of the fact that it comes from black people, right?
Of course.
And I think most things come from black people.
Most things.
Literally.
Music, all music today is derivative.
You guys are the closest to gay, actually, now that you think about it.
That's a great point.
Very influential.
That's a great point.
Alex is gay.
I mean, the suspenders aren't helping.
No, you look great.
Waist up.
Waist up.
I like with the shorts, too.
It looks good.
Thanks.
Don't do this.
He's so uncomfortable right now.
Yeah, yeah.
Like a black beer guard.
That's what it is.
Like, the only sort of penis is.
It's like Indiana's, what people in Indiana think is fashion.
You know what I mean?
Like you're in Indianapolis and they're like, I'm in the big city.
You're like, all right, girl, cool.
Patrice O'Neill, I love him so much.
The greatest.
The best.
The absolute greatest.
Yeah.
I'm curious.
You brought this up before.
How much do straight girls ruin gay bars?
Well, I mean, there's so many jokes.
Say it.
You're on flavor too.
Put a disclaimer.
Whatever the fuck you want.
I don't think it's straight girls.
I think it's a specific type of straight girl.
So, bro, there's some.
Say it.
You know what you're saying.
You go to a gay bar, everybody's welcome.
But you're only welcome if we're not your fucking petting zoo.
Worst thing I would hate to hear when I was 21 is you go to a gay bar, which anyone's welcome of any gender, of any orientation.
You are all welcome to have fun.
And but when you go in there and you see these bachelor parties, and the first thing they would say is like, We just didn't want to be around any men tonight.
I'd be like, Like, I don't know what you thought.
Like, you know what I mean?
Where you're like, Wow.
Okay.
Wow.
Cool.
Just like assuming gays are just sort of like a pet in a handbag.
You know what I mean?
Like, just sort of their apprentice, their little, their little accessory.
That kind of attitude.
Like, I hate when I talk to anyone.
Not, it doesn't have to be a woman, but usually women, like, I'll talk and they'll be like, you know, my best gay friend.
I should hook you up with him.
Or you're gay.
You get it.
Or just assuming I know about fashion and things like that.
It's just, it's like these sort of like tropes and stereotypes.
It's kind of exhausting.
Yeah.
But that is not every straight woman, but I will say white, like we're all comedians here.
So when we do shows, the worst audience member are drunk white women.
Yeah, there is no worst audience.
They have one sip of a rosé and they're like, tonight is about me.
Like that is, they just rue everything the worst.
But they would be your biggest fans.
You're just saying that sometimes they're treating you guys as if you're like a toy instead of like a human being.
Sure.
Very, a very specific white woman.
So white women listening, if you're upset, that means it's you.
If you're not upset, you're cool.
Yeah, you get it.
So they'll go to the bar because I remember once I went to this gay bar, the boiler room.
Yeah.
And first of all, this is my first time at...
Are you familiar with it?
I just said it.
It's on it.
It's on West 2nd Avenue and like 4th Street or something.
Thank God you didn't go to the cock.
Dude, the cock is hilarious.
Oh, the basement looks like a Renaissance painting of hell.
So I have been to the cock.
You have?
I went to the cock because I didn't know.
I thought it was a good thing.
No, tell the story.
This is a real story.
I was in my homie.
Shouts to Rohit.
Me, him, and our other like family friend.
We're all out.
He's drunk and he wants to keep the night going.
And he goes, he goes, he points to that thing.
He goes, I got a good feeling about this place.
We're going in there.
And then people are like, come on, dog.
It's late.
He's like, no, no, no.
My gut is telling me to go in there.
And we're like, bro, we're tired.
It's like, fuck that.
I know this is going to be the place for me.
And then we go into the fucking gayest part we've ever seen.
Yeah, super gay.
Super gay.
You go to the basement.
I didn't go to the basement.
What happened is it's right around the corner from what's now New York Comedy Club was Eastville Comedy Club.
So we're like, all right, let's go out for a drink, right?
I grew up in East Village.
Right.
Right.
So this is my neighborhood.
Right.
I've seen this sign.
It's just a sign.
It's a red rooster, right?
So I'm walking and I'm like, let's go to the rooster spot.
Right.
And on the other side of the hot chicken joint or something.
Dude, I don't know what the fuck it is.
It looks like a bar.
It doesn't have a name.
I'm like, they have an old Irish woman as the door person.
Yeah.
Right?
I don't know.
We go in and it's just fucking dudes everywhere and they're having the time of their lives.
So at first, when you see people being so joyous, you're like, ah, it's a vibe, you know, and everything's good.
This is cool.
And I remember one of my boys goes, bro, I don't think that was a rooster.
I go, what are you talking about?
He goes, that was a cock.
And I just turn around and there are dudes just like tonguing each other down, like making out, blah, blah, blah.
Just going for it.
Now, across this street of the block is Boiler Room.
I went to, the first time I went to a gay bar was there.
It was my friend's birthday.
A girl wanted to go to the boiler room.
So we go, we're in there.
When I tell you, the takeaway that I got from this is that in order for guys to enjoy themselves out, you just have to remove women.
And it's not women's fault.
It's that we're constantly posturing, constantly competing.
There's like an aggression towards one another.
Like, oh, that's a hot girl.
Oh, is he talking to her?
I got to try to get her from him.
There's just constant, like, we bump into each other.
Now there's beef because there's a girl watching.
Sounds like open mics.
Literally.
That's what it is.
It's a fucking open mic, bro.
So it's brutal.
I'm in there and I'm looking at all these guys.
Dude, everybody couldn't be nicer hanging around.
Bro, I saw these guys playing pool.
I've never seen pool played so gay in my entire life.
The guy has his fucking leg up on the table.
And not one ball has been put in yet.
That's late at night.
Right, right, right, right.
They're getting all the balls in later.
Bro, everybody's having a time in their fucking life in this place.
I'm like, wow, when you remove scarcity, because I think that's what a lot of times like dating for a straight dude is.
It's like, you know, as again, as like a straight dude, right?
Like, we're down to fuck, like pretty much anything.
And I'm sure gay guys, more or less, we're just guys at the end of it, like male sex strife.
We're down to fuck.
Let's go.
Let's make it happen, right?
And thank God women are there because you stop us from just fucking anything.
Women are like, they have decencies.
Yes.
They have a little decorum.
You know what I mean?
Let's just not fuck anywhere exactly.
But then when you remove them from the equation, no guy's going into that bar.
I imagine going, I might not get laid tonight.
It's more like, do I want to fuck in the restroom?
Right.
It's where?
Right?
Like, do you go out going, I might not get laid this weekend?
No, I mean, the option of getting laid is always available.
Always.
Yeah.
So I wonder if there's like this ease that kind of comes with it.
And that's what allowed guys to just enjoy themselves.
I could not see people happier.
And maybe it was drugs.
It's drugs.
Okay, maybe it's just cocaine.
You just need cocaine.
It just hit me right now.
I was like, Burning Man was pretty happy too.
And I was like, oh, Molly.
Oh, Molly's a drug.
That's the only white lady who needs coconut.
By the way, the Renaissance painting of hell is a Lisa Traeger line that we talked about once.
I just remember it.
So Lisa Traeger.
Great, great comic, Lisa Traeger.
Look her up.
Super fun.
She's like, I see.
Well, we talked about it together because I had said that once and she was like, that's funny.
And then we talked about it again and it worked with this bitch she had.
So that just hit me.
Lisa Traeger, very funny.
Check her out.
Oh, we're going to cut that whole part out.
Great.
Great.
But yeah, I don't know.
There was just this joy to it, man.
I don't feel, that's because you're going in there as a straight guy.
So there's also no competition for you.
You're not going in there to go get laid or hook up.
I was on defense.
I was like, yo, they ain't going to come for me.
And these motherfuckers ignored me, boy.
Yeah, yeah.
Bro, ignored me.
I think that's the fact that it makes you insecure.
Son, I was feeling away, bro.
I kept going to the bathroom.
Like, maybe if I'm by myself on the way to the bathroom, I'm just my boy.
Like, I literally was with my other boys.
I was like, oh, they think that's my man.
Like, let me separate and see.
Nothing.
Oh, you dropped your pool ball.
Pool ball.
What it's called, right?
What is it called?
Pool ball.
Cue ball.
I think it is.
Q is the ball.
Is it a pool ball?
Oh, maybe.
Cue ball.
Who the hell knows?
Yeah.
I don't know.
So do y'all just ignore the straits when they're in the.
I don't think I noticed that.
I mean, I don't know.
Why do straight dudes have so much anxiety like gay guys are going to try to fuck them every single day?
Because then they will realize how men treat women.
Keep going on that.
I said what I said.
But keep going on it.
I just think it's like men are afraid of being objectified because that's what they do to women.
So they're afraid of feeling uncomfortable and having to watch their butt.
It's a position that they've not been in before.
And so when they go to a gay bar, they're afraid of, they're afraid of not being quote unquote masculine, I suppose.
Which is this biggest fear of straight men.
And you're so fragile about your masculinity.
Straight Guy Anxiety00:02:35
You can't handle it.
It's like there's always a constant, I have to prove I'm a man.
And it's like.
When you see a guy like that, aren't you kind of like, dude, nobody's trying to fuck you?
Yeah, yeah, that's most of it.
It's like, I just don't want him to fuck me.
And it's like, you're a monster.
You know what I mean?
Like, they have one tooth, no ass.
It's like Job of the Hut sliding in there.
And they're like, don't fuck me.
That's how we feel about women who are like, everybody's trying to fuck me.
We're like, nobody is.
No, but we are.
We are.
We would.
We would.
Somebody would.
It seems.
Somebody would.
Everybody would.
Straight people and gay people have, it's hard to date, but for different reasons.
Go on that.
Well, gay people, it's like there's too much fun, too much freedom, too much.
It's like every, especially in New York, you're spitting and gay men are hit everywhere.
And it's like, you know, there's so many options.
And I think, I think, Fidelity and I think it's hard to, I don't know how long relationships really last when there's that much distraction.
Yeah.
It's hard to emotionally connect when it's just constant other options.
Yeah.
Especially in a city like this.
Like if you're in some like rural city in Indiana and it's like you and three other gay guys, like that's who you're with.
You two and the priest.
Yeah.
Every priest is gay.
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CBD Promo Code00:15:18
What's the beef with the gays, dude?
Can you explain?
I don't know.
I don't.
We've really left everyone out of our business.
We're kind of nice and easy to get along with, but people just don't like us.
Yeah.
Maybe it's too much snark.
I mean, you don't even see gay terrorists.
There's not like on the news, like another Macy's has gone up in flames again.
Like, it's like, we're just sort of like minding our own business.
And people are like, get them.
It's like, oh, God.
All right.
Yeah.
You don't think terrorists are all gay?
No, because they Joan Rivers had a joke.
She's like, there's two people that should not be stopped at the airport for terrorism.
Gay men and Jewish women.
Gay men would be like, should I bring the bomb?
Or maybe I'll need an extra guy, so I'll bring an extra sweater.
I love Joan Rivers.
Yeah, shout out to Joan, dude.
Do you think that she's underappreciated?
Absolutely.
Kind of, huh?
The most underrated, most underappreciated comic.
I tried to cancel her before she died.
I don't remember why.
Yeah, but how can you cancel it?
How can you cancel a woman who was banned by NBC, had a husband who committed suicide and was the only woman working in comedy for 30 years?
Like, you can't really cancel her.
She just said everything.
I mean, she's nothing ever.
And she's a perfect example of someone who you can watch and say, okay, there's certain jokes I don't like or not have aged well.
Yes.
But these ones I do like.
I feel like the problem with the way we sort of view everything as a whole is it's like, well, have you ever seen a movie and not liked certain parts?
Yeah.
But as a whole, you can be like, but I see what's happening.
We're just so black and white.
We're very unforgiving of the artist.
And I think there's a difference of someone really coming in with bad intentions and someone who's at the center trying to make somebody just laugh.
Yes.
And like look where the contextually it's coming from.
But people are very, they, they really, you know, it's like arguing with a painting.
Like that's how people feel with comedians is like they don't understand the art that goes behind writing jokes and wordplay.
I mean, words are our medium.
That's our paint.
And so sometimes you put certain words together and it does create a reaction.
And that's what we're going for.
We're trying to get people to laugh.
And we don't always view it as like the 360 sort of, how does this affect everyone around me?
Because we're just trying to make 24 people in a club laugh.
And I think that, you know, again, like, like if you're looking at a painting, comedy works as the way a painting does.
You don't argue with the painter.
The painter makes the piece and you argue amongst yourselves what you do and don't like about it.
Right.
But and if the painter is smart or the comedian is smart, we'll listen and try and elevate that for the next time.
Right.
You know, comedians are supposed to, I feel, be ahead of the conversation, sort of view, react, and be ahead.
Yeah.
So ahead of the conversation.
Right.
You know, we're not creating the conversation.
Yeah.
We are reacting to it.
So I feel people are so, I mean, you must know.
I mean, come on.
You're like, you go in territories that I wouldn't go in.
I remember one time you did your joke about trans people on stage.
I wouldn't do that joke.
I don't necessarily like that joke, but I don't hate you.
I see where you're going.
I see the intent.
And instead of like lighting you up, I talked to you about it.
I said, why would you say that?
How do you feel about that?
You know, we had just a conversation about it.
But I don't know.
I guess, I don't know.
People seem really upset.
She's, I mean, I just thought she was so brave.
And I thought she was also doing comedy from a place where it's like, not every joke has to be this poignant observation on society, right?
Like sometimes we say something to be absurd.
Sometimes we say something to be offensive.
Like if I'm making fun of a friend of mine, I'm not trying to go, here's some cultural nuance for you.
I'm trying to make you feel bad.
And then we all laugh about it, right?
Like I remember I saw, I saw her at JFL.
This was years ago.
And she opened up with this joke.
She was like, she was like, I was down in Mexico a couple weeks ago.
Ugly people.
Wow.
Just hideous.
I mean, seriously, they're ugly.
He goes, she goes, they're ugly.
I mean, no one's ever went to their plastic surgeon.
Make me Mexican.
My God, Joan.
Dude, brutal.
That's brutal.
I'm crying.
And she's literally just going, what's the craziest thing I can say?
How I just be crazy?
Does she hate Mexicans?
I don't think so.
I don't, I mean, has she like a history of hating Mexicans?
I don't.
I mean, that joke sounds not great, but no, but of course, yeah.
Just because you're making fun of something doesn't mean you hate or love it.
You're like, what would be the most ridiculous thing to say?
Or what is it like a little shred of truth?
Right.
You know, and then you just kind of.
Well, I think to your point, I think a lot of times now there's been a lot of comedians where the reaction is more of applause than laughter.
So it's refreshing to see something that's not applause worthy.
Right.
And I think sometimes, you know, there is an argument for, do we have to create, look, and I'm someone who doesn't, I'm not the most PC person in the world, but I'm also, I'm aware of what I think in my own understanding.
Like, what is the intention of this joke?
And I hear gay jokes all the time.
Yeah.
All the time.
And I can't spend all my time getting mad about it because it's not my business.
But sometimes.
It's a gay joke that you heard from a straight guy or girl.
Best gay joke that I heard from a straight guy or straight girl.
Not girl.
Girl doesn't count.
Guy.
Straight guy.
That's gay joke.
Because girls know too much about gays.
Yeah.
Oh, I have to think about that.
Give me a minute to think about it.
I always talk about Joan and people like that.
I feel like it's to not make fun of groups of people, you're not seeing them as equal.
So if you make fun of everyone with the same energy and consistency, like if you make fun of everybody, but you spend way too much time making fun of black people, it's like, that's a little weird.
But Joan went at everyone with the same style, the same energy, the same and went at herself.
And at herself.
So how can you look at that person and say that's a hateful person?
That's a person that makes fun of everyone, sees everyone as equal, and you all get the same work.
Also, we view comedy now in 30-second clips, not the hour.
So, you know, there is a kind of contract that we're signing when you go into a room.
I understand what I'm about to hear is out of my control.
And let that hour sort of fill it in.
So contextually, when you start getting into those darker eras, you've already proven your worth as a human and your ability to, you know, feel other humans and not, you know.
I mean, yeah, we all know comics who I think do things just for the sake of doing things, which to me isn't comedy because if anyone can say a bad word for saying a bad word, then anyone can be a comedian.
Your brain, but you're not funny.
Sure, exactly.
You might be, though.
I even give pushback on that.
Like, Joan did that.
But there was always a joke.
There was always a rich punchline.
You can't be saying it.
Your punchline just can't be the N-word.
He hates it.
I hear what you're saying.
And then you hate speech in the guise of comedy or like, oh, look at this.
Look, I can speak freely on whatever I want.
Exactly.
You need some sort of.
And audiences change.
And I think the conversation is changing about words we accept and don't accept.
I mean, there was a comic, I won't say his name, but he's been around forever.
And I was at the seller right before the pandemic.
And I hear him saying fag on stage.
And audiences close up.
And I think that should be a sign that's like, look, this is now time for you as the comic to understand this word isn't used that way anymore.
We don't view this that way anymore.
So better yourself.
Yeah.
You know, you can maybe say that word if you can figure out a way to say it that's not in this context.
But just to call some guy a fag.
How do you view that?
Because I've had that in bits.
I've had the F word in bits.
But how do you view when a straight person says that word?
At least let's start with comic.
And then how do you view it when like you hear it when you're gaming or some shit like that?
Well, gaming.
Everything's a faggot in gaming.
Like everyone's a faggot.
Oh, every what the first people to get thrown under the bus in a video game.
Wax gay.
Somebody else.
Yeah.
Fucking fag.
Because in Call of Duty, you can hear three seconds of them when you kill them.
So all you hear is like every time you kill someone just faggot.
Fucking faggot.
Faggot.
Do you ever kill someone when they say it?
And you're like, yeah, they were right.
The thing too is like being bullied in high school and getting called a faggot.
And as an adult, I'm like, well, they really weren't wrong.
I mean, they picked up on something.
You know?
So I don't know.
I don't believe in controlling people's speech.
I don't mind challenging one-on-one to a friend.
You should.
But I don't, I, and also, if I don't like something, I just, you know, there's so much content today.
I mean, there's so much content.
I can't worry myself about being angry about the small.
If I'm going to get worried about a comedian saying fag, then I really have to start worrying about everything that's happening globally too.
If it's just like, I can only handle so much.
You can also have your personal feelings on things.
Yeah, if you talk to me as a friend and said, yo, this bothering me, I'd be like, oh, bet, I would appreciate that.
I'd be like, okay, that's good.
I probably would.
If I felt, yeah, with you two, I'd feel comfortable.
No, because for me, it's just like, if you're going to tell me that, I'm going to go, oh, shit, what if there's like this gay dude that's a fan of mine and he really loves my comedy?
And then he hears that and he's like, oh, man, like, you know, I really looked up to you and you made me feel kind of shitty.
And then I can take that and I can go, oh, man, maybe I should switch that joke.
Maybe I can find a funnier word.
Yeah.
Maybe there's something with more nuance, especially if you're coming at it from a place of like not like harsh aggression and criticism, but almost like empathy.
Like, hey, you don't know what that could be making someone feel like.
And I feel like that's the most digestible form.
It's hard for comedians to know the things we say.
We can't, you know, audience members will say, you said this about this.
Somebody's going to be offended by everything.
Right.
And it's like, but I didn't have you.
I don't know you.
I didn't have you in mind.
I mean, it's nice to know now that there's a different perspective.
But, you know, if we wanted comedy to be safe, we'd all just walk up and say, I love water.
Yeah.
And that would be the show.
Sometimes there just, there needs to be a space to say that thing that, you know, I don't know.
I guess everything can be argued.
I guess everything's an argument today.
So that doesn't matter.
There's going to be somebody offended by everything.
Yeah.
Al go.
How long into like dating a new person do you have to tell them if you're top or bottom?
Because I wouldn't think that's a deal breaker.
Let me put it this way.
I've had sex with men as I'm closing the door.
I'm like, what's your name again?
Tom.
Have a nice day.
I mean, that is where gays stand.
No.
I don't know.
You pretty much just know, I guess.
Well, I mean, you go under a bridge, find a troll, answer his question three.
No, you talk about it.
What are you into?
You know, verse, top, bottom, what?
Yeah.
So I'm saying, like, is that day, first date?
I don't know.
Maybe like in a lifetime movie.
But I feel like if you're meeting on Grindr, usually the conversation is into.
And when you say into, they're implying, are you top or bottom verse?
What are you into?
And then the picture exchange, and then three months later, you actually do it.
But Grinder at this point, which I'm not on, it's too stressful.
It's just like candy crush.
But why is it too stressful?
It's so stressful.
Because certainly I've gotten rid of Facebook and Twitter.
I don't like either one of those.
I think they consume too much.
I like Instagram because I have to promote my shows somehow.
But Grindr wants your attention now.
And people are very sensitive.
And it seems to be a lot on the line for these guys because you get on, they'll be like, hey, and then if you don't respond within 10 minutes, they're like, well, fuck you.
You're ugly anyways.
And then they block.
You're like, I was getting dinner.
Like, I was showering.
You know, dudes will be dudes.
Dudes are sensitive.
Men are very, very sensitive.
100%.
Oh, my God.
I mean, sometimes Grinder can be nice.
You'll meet people.
Well, now I keep when I was on Grindr.
The last time I was on Grindr was maybe, I don't even remember when, but I was more getting recognized.
People would say, you're not really Mateo.
You're catfishing.
And I kept getting my profile deleted.
So I finally messaged Grinder on Instagram.
I said, it's me.
It's me.
I can't.
I'm trying to get fucked.
And they were like, oh, we're sorry.
Okay.
And then they did something, but now I've gotten rid of it.
Really?
Yeah, it's too, I'm too sensitive.
To like people rejecting you?
It's too distracting, too sensitive, and too many, too many, too much, too much, too much.
Grinder should be called Broken Promises.
I have a question.
Okay.
AIDS.
How worried are you about it?
I am on something called yes, PrEP, which is a prophylactic, which, first of all, AIDS, it's called HIV.
I mean, AIDS is the final form of HIV.
But HIV positive, I'm very happy to say that I feel in the gay community, I mean, the queer community will say that being HIV positive is no longer something.
Not even just a death sentence, but I would 100%.
I have had sex with men who are HIV positive.
Really?
Of course.
And I would date and I would marry someone if they were HIV positive.
Just so we can explain this: the prep medication, it stops you from being able to contract HIV.
Correct.
And they're taking it.
Take it daily.
Right.
Yes.
It's like a birth control, but HIV control, right?
Right.
Okay.
And then instead of giving life, it's death.
You know, so as long as you're taking that, even if you do sleep with somebody who is HIV positive, they're not going to be able to transfer that to you.
That's right.
And if you are HIV positive and you speak to your doctor and you're aware of your status and you're on medicine, which the medicine is very good these days, you are undetectable, which means you're untransmittable.
So I could potentially not on prep have sex bare back with someone who's HIV positive.
Yes.
And if they are undetectable, then I would not contract HIV.
Okay.
Have you spoken to older gays about what it was like during the AIDS epidemic?
And like, because I remember I have all my gay bar stories.
I'm just telling you when we were in San Francisco, remember we went to that gay bar?
Yeah.
Remember, we, what was it called again?
I forget, but we were at Cisco.
Was that the name of the bar?
Chilies.
No, but we were at this gay bar and I saw like there was a few older guys there, right?
And I remember when we walked in and I looked at the older guys and I was like, what you guys must have went through in the 80s, 90s?
Who do it was called?
Late 80s.
80s.
Yeah, that was the first.
They called that at first.
Late 80s, mid-90s.
I mean, you know, and all your friends.
Yeah, they seem like they seemed like war veterans.
They were sitting in their bar, like, yeah, just like grizzled and shit like that, dude.
And I remember looking, I was like, man, imagine all of your friends, this like tight-knit community.
You first come out, you go to a place where you can finally enjoy.
Like, imagine like the 18-year-old kid from fucking Kentucky leaves Kentucky, goes to San Francisco, and he's like, I have a community.
I have friends.
I could be myself.
And then, boom, people start dropping like flies.
We're talking about in that community, what percentage of people were dying.
It seemed like everyone.
Unbelievable.
Have you spoken to older gays about that?
Yeah, yeah.
And what do you think?
First of all, it was lesbians who were the only ones who took care of us.
Really?
Oh, wow.
Well, we were kicked out of hospitals and religious people were the first and politicians to completely let it happen.
Reagan didn't even speak about it.
And the one time he did, he laughed.
No.
And there was a huge epidemic, pandemic.
And I think lesbians were the first in our community to take care of us, to hold on to us.
Family Dynamics After Coming Out00:15:09
And when you have conversations with the older gays about that time, what was it?
Like, were people terrified to even be intimate with one another?
Yeah, there was a fear.
I mean, it was, you didn't know, no one knew what it was, no one knew what was happening.
And all they knew that they called it the gay disease.
And it was just fear wasn't, and it didn't help that your whole life, you know, politicians, family, religious figures, movies, everyone was telling you that this is a curse.
You're going to hell and you deserve it and everything else.
I mean, the fact that even the people that not just surviving it, but mentally surviving that time.
And I do feel that younger queer people, we need to do more recognizing of the people that survived that time and really, because, you know, and Fran Leibowitz brought this up.
It wasn't, you know, we were closeted.
We were forced out of the closet at that time.
That's when the gay revolution really started to happen because we couldn't hide it.
We were dying at such a high rate that we were forced out of the closet.
And it forced us to get ourselves together and to really start fighting for our rights.
That is really interesting because you've often heard like when people compare the black struggle to the gay struggle, right?
An argument that you hear from the people.
I don't believe these two are parallel, by the way.
I'm not saying you don't.
Right.
Like a lot of times you've heard from black people going, we can't pretend we're not black.
Right, right.
That's a time where you can't pretend you're not gay.
Right.
Because at that time, if you had HIV, the assumption was you're gay.
I mean, even with Magic Johnson getting it, they're like, oh, he must have been gay.
He must have been gay.
There had to be some relief when straight people started getting it, right?
Like, you know, finally, something about us.
Yeah.
I mean, like, on a certain sense, like, you don't think the politicians are going to respond when it's just gay dudes getting it?
They don't.
But that's when politicians responded.
Once straight people started getting infected with HIV, suddenly.
Bro, that's the same thing with civil rights.
It's like once they start sending like young white kids to Vietnam, all of a sudden people are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's up?
My dad, he was a helicopter pilot in Vietnam.
Really?
He was 19.
Really?
And I'm complaining about Tinder.
Now, your brother's also gay.
Yeah.
And my cousin.
So just gay sperm in your family or gay egg.
We think it's from gay egg.
Gay egg.
Everyone from.
So my family, my mother's Italian.
My cousin determined this, I think.
Yes.
I'll tell you, we figured it out, right?
So my dad.
Did you trace the game?
We did.
It's a vampire.
We did.
Because my, okay, my dad is like very white American.
He's a helicopter pilot.
Yeah.
He's a lesbian.
He was a cop.
And but he I only have like six cousins on his side maybe four my mom I have 36 first cousins right she's Italian Mexican so we there's a lot of the boys on my mother's side from the Mexican side three of the five are gay Yeah and we think that my grandpa his brother was gay and this is the thought behind so um The okay, first of all, let me tell you my Mexican grandpa He he had five kids with my grandma.
She's Italian, but he also had five kids with another woman at the same time and named them all the same names not to confuse them.
So um, but we I, my grandma divorced and remarried a Sicilian.
I grew up as an Italian.
However, we did we I, we created a relationship with him again later in our life and he, you know it was forgiven.
However um we, my aunt Cindy, was like, I think, that my uncle was gay because he was a man in the 50s who owned a women's hair salon, beat up in high school, did musical theater, and it's like look, we can't say he's gay because of all these stereotypes, but like, it's like a genealogy, you get to track it all the way back.
And then me, my brother and my cousin gay.
I have a question about that.
So you talked about not being able to come out of the closet until you were 19 and not feeling comfortable until you were 19.
Yeah was was your brother was.
Did y'all know you were both gay and did you get to share like you didn't have to just be alone in it?
No, we didn't get along for a long time and I think specifically, my brother was older and so when he came out I feel like at that time it was the 90s, and so his response, like any other gay person, was to sort of exit from the family and have his own life and where I was very integrated in the family with the cousins and my aunts and uncle.
You know we were like my big fat Greek wedding and he and when I came out I used my sense of humor.
My family's a very funny family, so using humor was was a way that I could make it acceptable for everybody, you know, to come around.
My brother doesn't have that.
He's very reserved yeah, very smart, very yeah.
So he just sort of like it was almost like Batman, like exited, just like left, and we had a we.
We didn't talk for many years and as an adult I mean now we're close but like as an adult realizing like oh, that was him protecting himself from rejection or from being made fun, I get it, you know, but my coming out experience was different.
I went to art school and uh, you know, I just was a lot more flamboyant than him.
I was doing theater, I sang, I was your dad kind of know.
That's what I was gonna ask, because you, you say you can't do straight voice so you sound gay your whole life.
You're not coming out till you're 19.
Everybody like we've seen this before.
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't a shock.
I feel like everyone had to and I was like i'm gay, they're like oh yeah yeah, but was there extra pressure for you to not be gay now that your brother's out?
I didn't find out until I was older.
Anyways, he came out early.
I think he was 14.
ah he came out pretty early and i don't know i don't remember you know i didn't feel any pressure yeah um my family is very close i was my cousins and i are literally like a wolf pack like we're just constantly Constantly together.
I still don't change that at all.
No.
My God, I felt because it shouldn't, because there's nothing weird sexually between relatives.
Right, right.
It's only like with the straight guy that they feel like, oh, is he going to try something on me?
But you're not going to try something on your cousin.
No.
And my best friend is my cousin Brian, who's also gay.
And him and I. Shit, dude.
Yeah.
And we were like very, you know.
Is there anything straight?
And you're like, yeah, right.
No.
And I used to come out as straight.
You had to be like, guys, I'm straight.
I like pussy.
Sure, you do.
My aunt Cindy even says, she's like, you're gay until proven straight in this whole way.
Yeah.
I mean, that's what I love about my family.
Is my uncle Mike, I remember, you know, him, him, we all make fun of each other, right?
My uncle Mike is very like Irish, Southside Chicago, and he just didn't know how to word things.
And so he'd be like, my cousin Brian, he'd be like, Brian has his special friend coming over.
And my Aunt Cindy's like, it's a boyfriend, special friend.
You sound like an idiot.
You know, he's like, oh, please, Cindy, I don't know what to say.
So we have fun.
One time, this is how he supports.
He can't, because I draw and he was like, Mateo, I've got a great idea.
We'll make gay greeting cards and make a bunch of money.
And my Aunt City goes, what are they going to say?
Happy birthday from a gay.
And he was like, no, please, Cindy.
So I was very lucky.
I actually, and I always get emotional telling this story, but I was doing shows at this gay bar once in Chicago.
And my whole family would come to my shows, all 40 of them.
Like my grandparents, everybody, they all come to the bar.
Yeah, they're insane.
And I love them.
And I remember after the show, this older gay guy came up to me and shook my hand.
He goes, I just want to say you're very lucky that you, you know, you had your family here.
And I said, oh, they're so crazy.
And he like squeezed my hand and looked at me and he goes, I just want to tell you that you're very lucky that you have your family here.
Because he really would have loved that.
And he felt so alone.
That is super fortunate, man.
Wow.
Yeah, I can't imagine that feeling completely isolated from the people that you feel most close to and having to choose between who you are as an actual person and the people you love most.
And you either lie to yourself about who you are so you could be around the people you love most or you lie to them.
Or you just get to be yourself in like these little small pockets of time and you can't like share with anybody.
Wow.
And did that like after you were already grateful, obviously, but after that, were you like well, it puts into perspective, you know, I was only like 25 or something.
Yeah.
So I guess I just, you know, yeah, it just put into perspective.
I always think about him.
Really?
Have you met someone recently that's from like a country where it's illegal to be gay?
Like a place like Russia or some other place like this.
There's, I think, 72 countries.
Right.
Yeah.
Most religious.
But yeah, actually, I am friends with this guy who is, I don't want to give away too much, but he's, he's from the Middle East and he moved to Paris.
And we were chatting about, he's so nice.
He's like a photographer.
And we were just chatting about our lives.
And it's so hard for me to complain because he basically is exactly that where he's like, I can't go back home.
I can't see my family.
I can't be who I really am.
He's like, I don't like living in Paris.
He's, you know, because Parisians.
But he's like, but this is the only place that I can find myself and be myself.
And so I never had that experience.
Dude, think how rough it is for gay people that he's Muslim and is in Paris.
Like, this is better.
And he's like, catch a break, right?
Why are we scared of persecution?
Fuck, man.
Yeah, it is weird.
It's like there's such a focus, at least when you're in the United States, about like what you don't have.
Like every group, I don't care what the group is, thinks that they don't, thinks that something is being removed from them.
Like you look at like even...
Usually straight guys.
Well, no, straight.
They're no straight white dudes, right?
They're like, losing the country.
Yeah, we're losing our country.
We're losing our culture, right?
They actually believe it.
That's something that they truly believe is being taken away from.
And I feel like we're like so privileged in America that every single group is just focusing on what we don't have or what we could have instead of focusing on the fact that we have it better here than anywhere else.
Everybody.
Now, we still have to focus on what we can obtain, especially groups that are dealing with oppression to this day.
But having that handshake with that dude and him just going like, hey, man, that's really awesome that your family loves you.
It's like there's this fight for what you need to have.
But there's also this moment where you're like, holy shit, I'm pretty goddamn lucky, man.
Yeah, you can do both.
You can have it and appreciate what you have.
You need to do both.
You know what I mean?
I agree.
Because I think that there's a lot of work to be done.
But yeah, it is also important to sort of sit back and reflect on.
Maybe for your own mental health.
Of course.
Because it's so easy to get caught up in like how.
Just your phone.
Our phones.
Your phone will make you feel like you have it the worst.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
But like, if you can reflect and go, holy shit, I got my family.
Or holy shit, like, I can go outside and I can like be myself.
Or that dude, even just the Muslim dude.
Like, the guy even in Paris is like being shit on probably.
Yeah.
You know?
But not because he's gay.
Not even because he's gay.
Like, once they find out he's gay, they're like, what?
No, they're like, welcome.
You're one of the good ones.
We created gay here in Paris.
Yeah, that is a tricky thing.
I'm curious about that.
Both of like all three of you guys here is that when you're a minority group, do you have to be quiet about appreciating how, and I'm going to put this in quotes, how good you may have it because you don't want the white people oppressing you to go, see, you got it good, huh?
Like, like those little moments of gratitude, do you have to kind of stifle those a little bit?
I'll put it in.
Keep them within the community.
Like even in this moment right now, like I'm being interviewed and asked very specific questions about being gay.
So, but when I'm with my gay friends, I promise you these things are not discussed.
Never, of course.
It's usually us, like you, I'm at my friend Bob's house watching YouTube and we're pausing and laughing in this or whatever, you know, or playing Fortnite or whatever.
But so in these moments, like, you know, I'm being very, it's very pointed, the questions.
So like I have to discuss like a lot of trauma.
But just make you relive the worst person.
I know.
I'm so emotional right now.
I love this.
But I think there is appreciation in the sense of like when I go on stage every night, I am trying.
Everything in my life has served me in a way to help make people, strangers laugh.
And that's my celebration.
Yeah.
What a gay answer.
No.
So here's my final question because I don't want to take too much of your time.
But like, I've always been curious about this for gay comics specifically.
From speaking to some gay friends, coming out of the closet was one of the most terrifying experiences that they had to do.
As a comic, if you're going to talk about things that are gay adjacent, when you go on stage, the audience doesn't immediately know you're gay.
You're not getting brought up as you maybe more so than others.
But there are certain comics, right?
Unless you're going up like with what is Mehron have?
He has the Mehron.
He has the fan, right?
But part of me wonders if he presents as more gay so he doesn't have to go through the most traumatic experience of his life every single time he walks back on stage.
It's like, hey, and I'm coming out of the closet and just looking to the crowd and seeing if the audience judges you, seeing if they're okay with you, like dealing with that every single time.
You don't know if there's going to be some nut job in the audience that just hates gay people and then I roll immediately.
I was in Arizona a month ago and I walked on stage because my opening joke is that I walk out and say, hey, thanks so much.
I'm obviously gay.
And then it gets a huge laugh.
We move on.
And this guy goes, what?
And I go, oh, I have it recorded.
I should play it for you.
I said, yeah, you do not like gays.
He goes, no.
It's a good clip you put online.
Yeah, yeah.
And I was like, oh, and then, and it was with his wife.
And usually women are a little nicer to gays.
So I said, Do you like gays?
And she goes, No.
It was a little nicer.
I said, It wasn't slightly nicer.
I said, You can leave.
And they did.
They got up and they left.
Yeah, yeah.
And all the gays in the audience are like, get out.
But, you know, I was, so you get all the time.
I walk on stage every night on the road, I don't have to.
Everyone's gay, and I'm usually.
And I, I, well, they know the deal.
They're there, right?
Right, right.
They saw the ticket.
So, um, but which is also with that guy.
Like, I'm like, that guy did no research on me.
I know, that's on him.
It's like going to see Star Wars in 10 minutes and being like, I don't like space.
Like, yeah, you idiot.
Like, do research.
So, but you got to be that dumb to hate a guy and leave the show because he's gay.
You know what I mean?
Like, the guy's clearly a fucking moron.
He's not going to pick up Kande Clues.
I wish he stayed because I don't know what he thought I was going to do.
But I just want to talk about British Bake Off.
But I do that at the seller.
Every night I do walk on stage and say, Thanks so much.
I'm obviously gay.
Breaking The Gay Ceiling00:04:09
Gets a big laugh.
But you're wondering a little, right?
If I actually am.
No.
Like, are you gay?
Are you gay?
No, no, no.
This takes a huge turn.
It's a character.
It's just a character.
I think it might just be a character.
He's literally the cable guy.
He's literally the cable gay.
No, this time it didn't feel right.
This time I think I changed my mind.
What's that?
This time you're just one time you're like, ah, no, you know what?
I'm still gay today.
I don't feel right now.
I just, I was wondering, is that like a traumatic thing to go over it?
Even after it over again, but maybe, maybe it isn't.
I'm over it now.
Really?
Yeah, to tell you the truth, I'm over it now.
I would think once you're comfortable with it, then if anybody else is uncomfortable with it, that kind of sucks, but whatever.
Yeah.
I feel like audiences are opening up now to hearing about gay experience.
Like, you know, that's the thing I used to go through.
Is this too gay?
Is that not too gay?
And I'm like, what am I talking about?
I love Strise and I take it in the ass.
Obviously, what I'm going to talk about is going to be gay.
If they don't like it, whatever.
You know, but I mean, I definitely have lots of different material.
Maybe it's some people interpret it as gay, some don't, but there's just so few gay comics.
I think people are now like, when I go on a show, like the audience perks up a little bit because they're sort of like, oh, it's great.
It's changing it up.
It's a different perspective.
Like, I like different perspectives.
I think so much in like comedy is trying to find that unique spin.
Like, if everybody's going to talk about this one thing, it's like, what is the most unique version of it?
You said the most eye-opening thing to me last week when you were like, it seems like that people at first are very interested in gay comics.
Oh, this is industry-wise.
Can I talk about that or not?
Please, it seems that at first they're very interested in gay comics.
You get a bunch of heat, but then when the moment comes to actually put some money behind it, right?
Like give them a special or give them this gay ceiling.
Yeah, yeah.
It is the gay ceiling.
And yeah, it's like you see it initially hit because it's unique, it's different, right?
And it's so fun.
And it also, there's like points for diversity.
It's like a mascotism a little bit.
There's a little bit of mascotism, but then when it's time to like, hey, hey, let's do an hour.
I mean, you did Netflix, you did all these things.
I did it 15 on Netflix, which was great.
It was so many.
But since I've been trying to sell an hour, like four different versions of an hour, and the response is always the same.
Because they're like, oh my God, will people be it's almost like their bigoted view on people.
They're like, well, well, guys, Comedy Central is a male channel.
It's like, well, guys want to watch a gay dude.
You have to prove it to them so that they don't lose their jobs.
And I mean, I was in the position, and I guess this is why I was giving you advice.
Like, obviously, not a gay comic, but like, they didn't want to fuck with me at all.
Right.
And I had to prove it.
And I go, yo, the numbers back it up, right?
And we went out and we did some pretty cool work, and then the numbers backed it up.
And that's what I say that you should do because I think you got it, bro.
And I don't mean that, you know, just to like play Kate.
I really do think you got it.
You know what I mean?
I don't really shout out a lot of people that I think are, I don't do it for networking.
I don't care to network.
If I want you on a podcast or if I think that you're funny, I'm going to try to share that with as many people as possible.
But you're great, man.
Thanks.
And I think you should just fucking bet on yourself, dude.
I am.
I'm putting my clips up on my and it's working, right?
Yeah, I've got it's like shocking.
I was like, oh, I guess I should stop with the nudes and put up some.
And you know what you should do?
I think it's a balance.
I think that you should just have the because what I see you put like a cover or a thumbnail of you in like a sexy pose and then you're doing the stand-up.
I think you should just put you at the mic and close up on your face, dude.
I think so.
Yeah, because what's going to happen is like, it's going to happen is like there's going to be a certain amount of people that aren't going to watch the video maybe because they see like some guy who's looking super gay, right?
But I bet you if it just pops up on their Explorer and they're naturally going into it and then you start talking and you're like, oh yeah, Jafar is totally gay.
Like they're like, wait a minute.
And all of a sudden they go, this guy's fucking hilarious.
Right.
And now you don't have that barrier of entry, which is a guy's fragile ego of looking at a dude who is buff with his shirt off.
Right.
You know, you're like tricking, like tricking them into liking Mateo, not liking hot gay guy.
Right.
Because that's way harder for a straight dude to go, I like hot gay guy.
I'm sorry, my friend Nick is that's the monster, Nick.
I haven't thought.
But you understand what I'm saying, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So I wish you best of luck, and I hope everybody that listens just goes.
I'm like, I really appreciate it.
Tricking Fans Into Liking Mateo00:03:02
First of all, it's been so long.
I love you.
I love our guy code, girl code, days.
I know, I know, I know.
This is very fun to be here with y'all.
And I'm glad people got to hear you.
I know you were like, oh, I'm not being funny anymore.
I'm glad people got to see this part of you too.
Because if you want to know Mateo's talent, just look at his IG.
It's all there.
But to hear him actually say like things that were more personal and maybe a little vulnerable, I thought was awesome.
Yeah, this podcast is not just like we have a joke every 30 seconds.
Like, I want to have some, you know, serious conversation.
And then, like, I think the funniest stuff comes from that.
Right.
You know, like, get to that place where it's very vulnerable and we're going to find some funny in it.
Well, I really appreciate you having me on.
We fuck with you, Mateo.
Al got another question.
Last question.
So we're all doing Thursday.
We're all basically here trying to look like you.
What's your workout regimen?
Oh, diet, too.
Give us diet.
Well, all right.
So basically, it's I'm going on a brand new diet because I'm trying to, that's the whole thing.
Anyways, but I eat five meals a day and every four hours.
And it's divided between macros.
So like, you know, how many egg, how many fats, carbs, and protein am I having per meal?
You sleep four hours a day?
I'm sorry.
You sleep four hours?
No, no, every four hours I eat in a day for my five meals is 20 hours.
Yeah.
So you have to wake up in the middle of the night.
No, What I mean is like when by the time I wake up, the time I go to bed, usually three to four hours in between each meal.
So, and that's it.
Five days a week, I go to the gym and I focus on isolate muscle groups.
So, you know, today I'm going to be doing just shoulders.
Yesterday I did back and buys, and the other day I did tries and chests.
And it's pretty much it.
Are you meal prepping?
I buy the meals now.
I'm too lazy to meal prep.
Oh, now I have to do that.
And then what about going out to dinner?
Like, that's allowing myself.
I mean, when I was in Italy, I just came back from Italy.
It was three weeks of smoking cigarettes, not working out, and eating pasta twice a day.
Yeah.
But your body needs that.
Well, not the cigarettes, but your body needs to like chill out.
This is him three weeks of not working out.
Isn't that fucking crazy?
Piece of shit.
But yeah.
I mean, you both met me when I was twink.
Yeah, yeah, I was totally good, Andrew.
A twink.
Yeah.
I was 130 pounds.
I'm 163 now.
Yeah.
So I've gone through a huge, but it's taken me like five years.
My sister who gave me my diet at first, I was like, well, what do I eat for breakfast?
She would ask me, what do you eat for breakfast and when do you eat breakfast?
I don't know.
I wake up, I have coffee, a cereal, and then maybe I eat four hours later, like pasta or something.
She goes, all right, this is when I was first trying to put on weight.
She goes, you're going to wake up, you're going to have two bagels, and you're going to have seven egg whites.
And I was like, okay, but she was right.
I just needed to put calories.
Yes, because my body was just like magrissimon.
That's like an old school diet, dude.
My dad was super skinny when he was younger and his doctor prescribed him a milkshake a day.
I mean, that's like old school medicine right now.
But now it's like balance.
I'm eating healthy things.
But at first, I just had to put on weight.
Brother, thank you so much for coming on.
Five Years Of Therapy00:04:08
Thank you for having me.
Tell them where they can find you.
Grinder.
Not grinder.
Oh, no, you are back on.
No, I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not.
No more grinder.
But grinder is great if that's for you.
On my Instagram at Mateo Lane, M-A-T-T-E-O, L-A-N-E.
And I. Shows coming up.
Oh, yeah.
Can I read?
Please.
Okay.
All right.
So in the meantime, there should be a gay riot.
There should be gay riots.
There is gay riot.
Is there?
No, you shouldn't choose what you're into on Raya.
All right, I wouldn't.
Yeah, it was on Raya.
Yeah, it was, everyone's a hairdresser.
Okay.
I will be at the Pilgrim House in Provincetown, August 7th to 9th.
The Vulcan Gas Company in Austin, Texas on September 10th and 11th.
Philly Punchline, September 17th and 18th.
And then I will be at the Arlington Draft House, October 15th and 16th.
Gang.
And where are they?
MateoLane.com.
MateoLaneComedy.com for Mateo Lane Comedy.
Go check it out.
Check it out on Instagram.
Check out the baudet.
Leave some crazy comments, please.
Anyway, man, it's been Flagrant 2.
Mateo Lane.
All right, peace.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because listen, the world is racing to get back to normal and you want to start meeting up in person again.
But after this year, we've all had getting back to feeling normal might take a little bit more time.
Okay.
I think therapy is a very important part of a human being's life.
There are different ways that people can access therapy.
Sometimes it is from friends.
Sometimes it's from family, but sometimes it's from professionals.
And I've, you know, been going to therapy on and off for an extended period of time.
I think the first time I probably went to therapy, I was in like third grade.
Some teacher said that I was, you know, acting out and that maybe I should talk to somebody in school.
And I did.
And I'm telling you, I come from a family that, you know, my mom and dad were in therapy my whole life.
And therapy was a very normal thing in my family.
I know there's some people, families out there where it's not so normalized and it's very taboo.
And what I'm here to tell you is that that's not the case, man.
If you want to talk to somebody, it can help you.
I promise you that.
Even if they don't say a single thing back, just being able to unload everything, get all that shit off of your chest, it can make you feel so much better.
And then if you have a therapist that actually can offer some amazing insight on your life, because other people are going through what you've gone through and what you're currently going through, that can be so much of an, I mean, just an absolutely amazing relief and really empowering.
Understanding how you feel, understanding your emotions, understanding what you're going through and understanding why you act certain ways, right?
Unearthing the things, the causes of your behavior.
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All right, now let's get back to the show.
The Truffle is somewhere in Europe right now getting rejected by a Polish helicopter pilot.
Live Therapy Sessions00:14:40
He'll tell us that story next week, but let's begin.
I have a conversation I'd like to begin.
I think it should gain some steam, so let's start it right now.
I think if Team USA basketball loses, the NBA champions can no longer call themselves the world champions.
I think that's valid.
And they can no longer call themselves the world champions until we win a world championship minimum or the Olympics.
I think Olympics call that world championship shit.
Here's the reason why it's good: because this is going to incentivize the best players in the NBA to play for the Olympic squad so they can call themselves world champs when they win the NBA championship.
This is how you get LeBron to go play.
This is how you get Kawhi to go play.
You don't want to win the little American championship.
You want to win the world championship.
You want to be world champions, do you not?
Can you explain the world champion thing?
Because I pushed back on this when we were talking about before, but I was like, it's stupid that they call a world champion in the first place because they're playing in America.
They don't play anything.
Yeah, but if you always had the gold, you always knew what time it was.
You always knew we're the best.
Who gives a fuck?
Yeah, we're the best.
And we have the best players from around the world.
Well, that's the thing.
And that's consistent.
So technically, you are the world champion because you're beating the best players from around the world because all of them are playing in America.
But I don't like this shit where we get like a fucking bronze in the Olympic.
It's pathetic, especially if it's one of our sports.
We might not even get that this year.
No, no, that's true.
Sean, we lost to France.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sean, we lost to France.
We lost to Leed to France.
Fucking Nicholas Batum.
Yeah, yeah.
We felt bad for the black soccer players.
So he's like, ah, let's just give it away.
We don't know who the black soccer players are.
I do.
I know umbop.
Yeah.
Live it up.
Do it all over.
You can't.
I thought that was funny, dude.
You could have gotten out of the bar in, though.
No, dude.
He can't do it all over.
He can't take the penalty kick again.
Yeah.
I didn't get the joke.
Now I get it.
See, y'all are dumb.
It's not funny because y'all are dumb over there.
Anyway.
This Alex dude thing.
He just doesn't laugh.
That's what he was doing to me the whole time.
I know, I know, but I didn't realize his trash ass outfit.
I was like, guys, what's happening?
No, you do.
You look.
You look funny.
Son, it wasn't funny.
They weren't laughing either.
You look super.
You didn't even get a sandbag at night.
You were sandbagging.
You do get sandbagged, dude.
Sandbagged.
You sandbag, bro.
You're a big fucking sandbag, dude.
Whoa, What is that?
Some kind of racist thing?
Yeah, I know.
I'm not talking to Vala.
Sandbag?
Look at him.
Doug, you sandbagged.
I just laughed at that.
Dude, you look like peaky grinders.
I'm getting it back, baby.
I'm getting it back.
Okay, so Team USA, absolutely pathetic.
You can't lose to any other country in basketball.
Son, we lost.
We're one and three.
It's embarrassing, Doug.
It's embarrassing.
I don't know what you guys are saying.
Dude, we lost in Nigeria and the good Nigerians aren't even playing on the team.
The good Nigerian is Greek.
Yes, Nigerian is Greek.
Can we name the Nigerians that are on the team?
Can you name a Nigerian?
No, don't.
Name a Nigerian that plays in the NBA that's on that team.
You can't.
No, I can't.
How the fuck do we lose to that team?
And don't tell me it's because Devin Booker wasn't there.
Drew Holiday wasn't there.
Yeah, get the fuck out of here.
KD, stop losing.
Isn't Bam?
Isn't he Nigerian?
No.
He's American team, dog.
Like he's a Nigerian descent.
And he's on our team.
Yeah.
Bam Adebayo or whatever his name is.
Yeah.
Even the best Nigerians aren't playing on Team Nigeria and we're still fucking losing, dude.
We lost to Australia.
Yeah, this is.
That's white people.
So I guess that's whites, bro.
This is the thing.
You can't lose to white people.
You see this in sports, though, right?
What?
Canada will invent hockey.
Look how fucking cocky he is now that France beat America, dog.
This is embarrassing.
Go on, go on, go on.
We see this in sports.
What?
We see this in sports.
Yeah, fuck him, dude.
Fuck this guy.
Go on.
Basically.
We see this sports where the country that invents it will body for a bunch of years and then everyone kind of starts catching up.
Like it happened with hockey, where they invent hockey and then they start getting bodied.
England invents cricket and then they start getting bodied.
Is basketball just in the twilight of American doctors?
Do you ever compare America to England or Canada ever again, you fucking French cock?
I mean that since America might be since basketball twilight.
No, no, no, fam.
Everyone's catching up.
Cut that shit up.
Now we have so much like anti-American sentiment from over there, dude.
Yeah, what is that?
You got a dick sucker and you, all of a sudden, France gets one victory on America.
You're like, it's in its twin.
France might be the next great basketball superstars.
No, might be the best.
You need a chill.
Remember Michael Petrus, bro?
You remember him?
Yo, the Jordan stopper.
No, the Kobe stopper.
Kobe stopper.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
French.
Don't make the jokes.
Okay.
Keep it moving.
We're not making jokes about Kobe stoppers.
No, Ruben Patterson called himself the Kobe stopper.
So did Petrus.
I don't think he just called himself that.
I think we thought he was.
He doesn't speak English.
He speaks only French.
Pure French.
Yeah, Peter looks like he doesn't speak English.
Listen, guys, all I got to say is it's absolutely embarrassing.
Like, I was like rage tweeting.
Like, I was tweeting where, like, I wanted someone to retweet it so that KD would see it.
Like, I wanted that badly, bro.
Andrew was on it, dude.
I was so pissed.
I hadn't seen him tweet emotionally like this about sports since the Knicks he gave up on the Knicks.
Yeah.
It hasn't happened.
Yeah, dude.
It is bad.
It was really bad.
Did you watch any of the games?
I don't even tweet emotionally.
Like, because that's what gets you in trouble.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was so passionate.
I said, don't let them back in America.
I think if they don't get the gold medal, they don't get let back in America.
Stayed in Tokyo forever.
What if they meddle?
Stay in the airport like Tom Hanks.
I don't give a fuck.
But you're not allowed back on American soil, like actual America, if you don't get the gold medal until the next time around, and then you're going to win that gold medal.
What if they don't even medal?
I can't even begin.
I can't even begin to have this conversation.
It would be so truly embarrassing.
And it's only embarrassing because of how little respect I have for other countries.
Like, if I actually respected other countries, then I'd be like, oh, this is some competition and we'll see what happens.
But since I have no respect for any of the other countries that are competing in basketball, it would be such a massive shock to my ego that I can't fathom it happening.
Bro, I remember when I was in Europe, I would walk up to basketball courts and I'd just call next, even if I didn't have next.
I was like, you're lucky you get to play against me.
But you're in Spain, spanking hoop.
Son, I would poop in Spain and I would just go, yo, I got next.
It doesn't matter what you guys think.
You get to play with an American.
I felt like being black.
It's like I felt like being black around white people.
That's what we're saying.
When he went to the Rutger.
Say again?
Like when Kobe went to the Rutgers?
Yo, he just goes, it's like, it doesn't matter who's playing.
Kobe said.
Let's go.
It's my time.
It's my time, guys.
I'll teach you how to not dribble up and down like it's a yo-yo.
That's how I imagine Europeans playing basketball.
Up and down dribbles like Bob Kooze playing for the Celtics back in the day.
And the fact that we're getting washed by these teams, by Australia.
How do they even win the gold?
What do you mean?
I mean, do they beat all the other teams and then there's no one in the world?
Holy shit, dog.
Do you think they will?
What?
They're one and three.
Do you really think they're going to get away?
They got to beat Iran.
They're playing Iran.
We got fucking Indian Barbara Walters over here with this line of questioning.
How do they win?
Do you think they will?
Yes, I'm thinking they will.
I'm telling you, they're not going to.
They have to.
It's called a leading question.
You know what I mean?
I see what you're saying.
No, they have to.
They must.
They're playing Iran on the 28th.
They're playing what?
Iran.
They're playing the country of Iran.
They're not playing Iran.
Yeah.
Dude, if we lose to Iran, they won't lose to Iran.
And then they played the Czech Republic.
They played a good team in their third exhibition game, and then they ran it up.
That was the game I saw where I was like, oh, they're going to be fine.
They're going to figure it out.
And then France, they lost.
They blew a big lead at the end of the game, completely stopped missing their shots.
They don't understand how to play feeble ball.
They're used to flopping and getting calls.
That's not happening.
I think the ball is different.
So struggling with the ball.
The ball is different.
All this kind of stuff like that.
Like, maybe it is, but there's no excuses.
You're playing teams that aren't America.
Do we understand what's going on here?
High school kids.
When your best pro can't get on your team, Nicholas Batum isn't getting real burned anywhere.
I mean, he got time, but it was like just trying to fuck things up.
You can be great.
When Eric Fournier and his hairline is busting your ass, that pathetic fucking hairline that could only be accepted in France, where they don't care about the way people look, because now you do have interesting theories about love and all that other shit that they care about.
When that's your best guy and he's busting your ass and talking that shit, where's your pride, bro?
Is this like a Black Lives Matter protest?
Like, what's happening?
What is the end goal here?
Is this the new taking the knee?
You just lose in the fucking Olympics with the flag draped around your shoulders?
What's going on?
What do we need to do?
Wait, so the first two games they lost, that was still during the qualifying bullshit.
So they didn't take those seriously.
We don't have any.
We're only zero and one.
And then we have to, I believe it's zero and one.
Only zero and one.
We have no way.
Holy shit.
We're winless.
You can't.
We're winning, you cannot lose to countries that we give money to so their people can eat.
Yeah.
If we are giving foreign aid, I feel you, I feel it.
But the brackets take back foreign aid.
There's no more foreign aid.
Different group.
No more foreign aid.
No, there's no more foreign aid.
I'm sorry.
You call pathetic, you sound.
I'm just saying.
No, but if you look at the brackets, as we're actually doing, that's fine.
Mathematically, we're not eliminated from anything.
It's like when teams just sail it in and then play off.
Sail it in.
Mail it in, whatever.
And then they get to the playoffs, and then they just, then they take the shit seriously.
So right now, we're not.
Those are those teams that win.
Nah, but in the NBA, like during the season, it's like a bad thing.
Jordan didn't mail it in.
America doesn't mail it in, okay?
We mail fucking nuclear weapons.
The last time that we were in Tokyo for some real competitive shit, what happened?
We delivered some bombs.
Yes.
That's what we need to do.
Nagasaki, Hiroshima.
That's what they should be playing.
They should be playing videos of fucking, what is it, Captain Doolittle, whoever the guy was that handled that mission to let motherfuckers know what America does when we go out there to Japan, dude?
We don't play no fucking games.
This is embarrassing.
This is embarrassing, dude.
This might be Vietnam, dog.
What?
This might be Vietnam.
What happened there?
I might be losing this one.
Nah, bro.
That was a conflict.
Come on now, bro.
That was a conflict.
It was a conflict Olympics, I think.
No, dude, this shouldn't even count this Olympics.
There's no people in the stands.
Like, immediately I start making all these excuses.
It doesn't really matter.
I hope I'm wrong, but I'm worried, dude.
It fucking infuriates me.
Because if you had four games, once they won that third exhibition game, I was like, okay, they turned the corner.
We're good.
To lose again the next game, maybe you're still picking it up, but I'm like, yo, that's weird.
Who did they beat?
Who did they beat in the exhibition?
Huh?
Who did they beat in the exhibition?
They lost to Australia, Nigeria.
I don't know who they beat in the expedition, but we don't care.
We don't beat Spain.
Did they beat Spain?
I think they beat Spain.
It doesn't matter.
We should beat everybody.
This shouldn't even be close.
I hate these ideas.
Oh, the world is catching up.
No, they're not catching up.
They're not catching up.
They're not catching up.
They're caught up.
I hate you all.
We're just not playing.
Watch.
Why?
We need to start turning up.
You're right.
We need to start playing.
But we're going to turn it up and then it's just going to be a problem.
And I believe that that can happen because I do not want to even consider what else might be the case.
You're bugging.
Nothing.
Even talking like that.
No, no, no, no.
Dude, dude, the world, like, as an American, you're not embarrassed, dude.
As an American, you're not fucking embarrassed like as an American on that team.
You're not fucking embarrassed to show your face.
Don't even go on Instagram.
Don't even go on Instagram live.
Don't post your stupid stories, Damian Littard, with his cryptic messages.
Oh, here's my quote from fucking Game of Thrones.
Shut it down.
Hit a fucking three.
Where's dame time?
We need some dame time.
That would be the most humiliating part.
If you're those guys, you know every person you're playing against had a picture of you in their room.
Yeah, they're wearing your sneakers, bro.
They don't even have their own sneakers.
There's no French team fucking sneakers.
They got your sneakers and they're busting your ass with your fucking sneakers.
You should be embarrassed.
Yeah.
Hold your head down.
Bow your head.
Bow your fucking head.
You are letting down America.
This is pathetic, dude.
I'm absolutely infuriated.
I want to know what incomes are.
I want to know what the income of the average team is.
Like what the French team is paying for.
Oh my God.
Versus what Damian Lillard's salary or like Damian Lillard is showing up to that arena in a Lamborghini and these French people are biking there with a fucking bag, okay?
Do you know how pathetic this is?
This is embarrassing.
It is absolutely embarrassing.
And they should hold their fucking heads in shame to insult America like this.
China's laughing right now.
China is chuckling at this whole shit, seeing us struggle at our sport.
Come on.
At our sport.
Get it off, dog.
And there's a wrap your feet when you're young contest.
Do you think any other country is going to beat China?
Who's better at suppressing democracy than China?
Who's better at taking all the Muzies and putting them in concentration camps than China?
Nobody.
Huh?
Don't say Israel.
Don't say it.
Okay.
Don't say it, Mark.
All I'm trying to say is it is absolutely embarrassing.
It's pathetic.
And these players should be ashamed of themselves.
I'm going to cry.
I'm getting choked up.
I'm getting choked up right now.
I'm getting fucking choked up at this.
What do you think the dream team is doing?
Watching this?
What do you think the dream team is doing?
I think they're loving it.
Because the dream team are the type of guys who go, oh, these youngins, the game isn't tough.
Back in the day, I used to be able to rip a guy's tooth out during a free throw.
You know, they have all these excuses about how tough the game is and they're weak.
Well, they are fucking weak.
They're fucking weak.
If you're not coming to play, dude, the dream team used to run it up, even during scrimmages.
You remember that?
Run it up.
Beating teams by 50 points.
Who gives a fuck?
What is this?
We're going to take it easy on Nigeria.
They terrorized Tony Kukoch because he was going to play on the Bulls.
Yeah.
On fair team.
Fuck this guy.
My teammate.
We're going to fucking make his life hell weak.
Weak.
All these players are weak.
I didn't even know what's happening.
He was like, I didn't know we were taking this seriously.
What the fuck is happening?
This is a dream team.
That's what happened to you.
The dream team.
The dream nightmare.
But those are the best of the best.
Say what?
Those are the best of the best.
We have half of our best players not playing.
So the best of the best can run it up at historic rates.
You can't win.
I'm just saying, like, if you don't, if we're not sending our best.
KD is by many, according to many people, the best player in the world.
Damn Lillard is up there.
Black Athletes And Olympics00:07:07
The rest of them ain't really American.
The best of the best who haven't shown up are LeBron and Steph.
And who else?
Giannis.
Giannis is Greek, dude.
How can he fucking play for America?
I'm just saying, we're not sending our best.
Well, we can't send Giannis.
So is this partially the NBA's fault?
Say what?
Is it partially the NBA's fault?
For what?
They're going out trying to find cheap players, and they're going overseas, finding guys that are like, oh, yeah, we can develop this dude, develop this dude.
Making them nice.
Making them nice, and then kicking them back home.
Is this what we did with production in America?
We're like, all right, let's import it, give all the money, make it pop over there, and then they're going to become a superpower.
That's what we did with China.
You still got to be the best.
You know who's falling?
That's what we do with Australian actors.
We just started hiring all these Australian actors that had all this experience.
They're cheap.
They're easy.
They're cheap, but they've got a ton of experience because they're doing soap operas out there.
Thor, right?
The other guy that played the fucking new terminator.
Hemsworth, all the Hemsworths and everything like that.
They're cheap, but they got tons of experience.
They're handsome as fuck.
And we get them over here.
They get them to be in our little, you know, our established franchises where you don't really need a star.
And then they start taking the American jobs.
And that's exactly what's happening, bro.
This is amazing.
If we lose right now, I'm going full QAnon.
If America loses, if America loses, if America loses, I mean this sincerely.
If America loses, if we lose, we're storming the Capitol.
That will be justifiable.
We should storm the Capitol if America loses in the Olympics in basketball.
How are you dressing up?
Huh?
How are you going to dress up for the storm?
Viking helmet?
I'm not going Viking, dude.
I'm not going Viking.
I'm going soldier, Doc.
Oh.
I'm going Soldier.
I'm going to go Soldier.
But who are you mad at?
Who are you?
They stormed it.
Biden, this is weakness.
This is weakness.
You think Trump would have let the fucking American U.S. team lose in the Olympics?
Yeah.
You're out of goddamn mind.
They don't like him.
So he would have been like, that's what they get.
They're not good.
Nah, he would have found a way.
He would have found a way.
Yeah.
He would have found a way, dog.
I'll be honest.
You think Hillary would have let that shit happen?
No.
That bitch is a war hawk.
Obama would have joined.
Get on the face.
Obama would have joined.
100%.
Obama would have gotten on the basketball.
Biden is weak, bro.
He would have subbed in.
He would have flown to King.
He used Obama.
Bill Clinton would have been out there smashing their wives, just sitting in the stands, smelling his fucking fingers.
Hey, France.
Yeah, mental games, mental games.
That's a nice Brie.
That's a nice old Brie.
Your wife has a nice old Brie.
She was back in the hotel bed.
Single bed, made out of cardboard, broken.
Okay, for real, dude.
We need to go the extra mile.
What's Kamala willing to do?
What's Kamala willing to do?
Weaken those knees, Kamala.
Yeah, a lot of people are worried about.
They're players, not yours.
What?
A lot of people are worried about her becoming president.
I think we need it.
We need it.
Yeah, we got to put her in there.
Come on.
What are you willing to do for this country?
What sacrifice are you willing to make?
Now, what if this lady was out there?
Who?
Who?
Jill?
Doctor.
Yeah, Joe Biden.
Joe Biden was out there?
But for the swimmers, though.
Oh, yeah, yikes.
Oh, yeah, yikes.
You don't need it in the swimming.
Oh, yeah, yikes.
We shouldn't need it for the basketball.
Nah, we do, though.
It's fucking embarrassing.
Now, my question for you is.
You need mommy there to watch you play?
Andrew, what are you going to do for your country?
What am I going to do for my country?
Are you lacing him up?
I'll lace him up.
I'll go out there and play.
I can beat a Frenchman in basketball.
Are you kidding me?
We're not talking about a cock-smoking contest here.
We're talking about basketball.
Literally, I don't think there's a French person on this planet that could beat me in basketball.
And when I mean French, I'm not talking about black guys.
Rudy Gobert?
Huh?
You're trying to say Rudy Gobert?
No, he's black.
Tony Parker?
He's black.
Black?
He didn't even know who those guys were.
I know, right?
Nah, I knew who they were, though.
I knew who they were.
Why can't you go against a black guy?
Huh?
Because they're not French.
Well, they are French, but not for the sake.
Not for the sake of argument.
That's kind of weird, huh?
They are French, and your race does not determine your identity, and yada, yada, yada.
Those are French men, bro.
Those are French men.
That's what you want them to be, huh?
No, they are.
Remember what you were saying about black people after Bob missed that shot?
Do you remember that?
Yeah.
Remember that?
You didn't even look out in the eyes.
I blacked out.
No, you didn't black out.
She definitely didn't black out, that's for sure.
No, you wouldn't look Al in his eyes, Doug.
You wouldn't look in his eyes because you were furious at blacks.
No, I was afraid that he was sad.
I didn't want to hurt, I didn't want him to be sad.
I was a little sad.
That's what I'm saying.
He was most boned about it.
And with England, those black guys, he was sad about them too.
I didn't want to, you know, I didn't want to intimidate him, make him feel bad.
I was trying to be a good ally.
That's all.
Yeah.
Well, it seems like the world's black guys are saving their athleticism for the Olympics because we're getting fucking washed right now.
Okay.
But we need some more performances like the blacks in England and like the blacks in French and fuck this shit up so that we can bring home that gold because anything less is uncivilized.
What is the term?
Anything less would be uncivilized.
Anything less would be uncivilized.
Okay.
Anything else about these Olympics, dude?
Evan Fournier.
Oh, he's not.
Is Gabby?
Is Gabby?
Yeah, he's black.
Evan Fournier.
He's not.
He's black enough.
His middle name is Medi.
He's like, he's Middle Eastern, I think.
Oh, whatever.
Okay, whatever.
He's a Don.
He's whatever he's on.
This is the biggest black guy.
There's no amount of Simone Biles medals that can overcome.
Yeah.
I mean, not winning a gold in basketball.
We need Simone Biles.
I mean, like, yeah, so that's the question.
What if we win the overall medal count?
We're going to do that.
We're going to do that.
That's guaranteed.
Right now we're still trailing.
Yeah, but that's because we don't have any of the real races yet.
Real games.
Like people are doing stupid shit, like taekwondo, which we won.
We got gold in taekwondo.
Let's go.
Yeah, that's fine.
Dude, it was pretty amazing.
Skateboarding.
Just to call it.
But this is the most obvious, like, this is the most hilarious shit, though.
Where the medal count right now, eight golds is Japan.
They're leading in terms of perfection.
Yeah.
But not overall medals.
Yeah.
Overall medals is China with 18.
God damn.
Jeez.
And then America is kind of right in the middle of them where we got 14.
We're trailing.
How many goals?
We're trailing golds by one.
We have seven.
Japan has eight.
China has six.
Have the black sports started yet?
I don't think the track of field stuff has started.
Okay.
Because that's where we start to come through.
China, son.
I'm telling you.
I know, dude.
They will whoop that ass when it comes to tracking.
They're winning like weightlifting.
They're winning like no, they're nice weightlifting.
All the best Olympic weightlifters.
Because they're training, dog.
There's something that has to.
I think it's like stockiness.
Like they're kind of shorter.
The weights don't have to travel as long of a distance.
Legs are shorter.
They got built for it.
Yeah.
Say again.
You go critical race theory over here.
Yeah, that was a critical race theory that you just did.
In a good way or bad?
Technically, it was critical and it was a race theory.
Yeah, yeah.
That was critical race theory right there.
You said that they're built for picking rice out of the patty.
You did say that.
You didn't say it, but you said it.
You reached down, you tried to roll something into a little ball and throw a little salmon on top of it.
And then there's a basket.
You throw it over your head.
I wonder if there's a way that, you know, generationally, it contributes.
They're throwing weight over their head all day.
Like, you don't think generations of work is going to turn them into great powerlifters?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This guy is real critical race theory.
Yeah, you are real critical race theory.
Critical Race Theory Debate00:03:28
Yeah, that was.
Yeah, dude, you're overstepping a little bit.
Bro, Indian farmers, bro, they don't do shit.
Whoa, whoa.
They don't do shit and they're the worst athletes.
Is that weird?
If you have a history of generational farming, I think you're good athletes.
Listen, your hands aren't.
Why not best athletes of arms?
This is a radioactive conversation.
What is cunning?
I don't know how to handle artists.
Yeah.
What is cunning?
This is a wild boy right here.
You're a wild boy.
You're just going to have like a critical race theory conversation on a podcast.
That's fucking nuts, dude.
Chill out, dude.
Mark.
Canada's the worst athletes ever.
I don't have anything.
Chill in two.
They're not farming in Canada.
Oh my God.
Critical race theory, bro.
Oh, my God, man.
An OAN news anchor just sliced their fucking throat listening to you talk about this.
This is nuts, dude.
I don't know what side you're putting me on.
Me neither.
It's fucking critical race theory, bro.
It is a topic that's like really tough to talk about.
Okay, that nobody really understands what it is.
But they're trying to make the next controversy.
So we got to keep on repeating it in the news.
Critical race theory, bro.
Critical, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Let's talk about something else, like very quickly.
I keep seeing his waifu's ass, and I'm like, ass is crazy, darling.
That's it.
You got the fat, high-set ass.
Drinking out of this cup, getting fucking bricked up right now.
Hell yeah, bro.
My favorite expression.
Oh, yeah.
Jack Harlow is a king.
He said that he gets bricked up watching Claymation.
In the Rudolph Claymation, there's a female deer.
He goes, man, I used to get bricked up watching that shit.
And I cannot stop laughing every time I hear bricked up, bro.
Bricked up.
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And let's get back to the show.
Depending on when, what part of the episode this is on.
Lady Gaga Pivot Strategy00:06:54
Did he get bricked up watching that fucking Lil Nas X video?
Did he get bricked up or did I?
Did he?
I don't know.
I didn't ask him.
But I was certainly bricked the fuck up watching that shit, dude.
You can build a house, bro.
Hells.
Yeah, dude.
I love that, dude.
Bricked up.
Amazing video.
Say what?
Amazing video.
It was good.
Do you watch the whole thing?
Yeah.
I didn't watch the whole thing.
Really?
Yeah.
I didn't know either.
Homophobes, huh?
Yeah, I'm homophobic, dude.
I'm homophobic for not watching the whole video.
No, I watched Jack Harlow's versus that show's fire, and I watched them naked in the bathroom swang and dangins.
Swang and dangs?
Yeah, swang and dangins, bro.
It was crazy out there.
Nah, he's an innovator, though.
Who?
He really is.
I've never seen a naked choreographed group dance.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know if that's why he's so innovative, but he is.
In most group dancing, he's like almost naked.
But I think he's absolutely brilliant because he's used outrage marketing perfectly because he's on the right side of it.
Yeah.
So like outrage marketing is the most effective type of marketing.
It brings you the top to fastest, right?
You galvanize groups of people, but you just got to hope that the outrage against you doesn't position you in a way that you don't want to be positioned, right?
So like clearly, he's in the good graces of the people who, I don't want to say like are on the right side of history, but like he's basically going, hey, I'm gay.
And then there are people absolutely furious about it.
And they're trying to fold it into like religious context.
Like, well, I don't care he's gay, but like that Satan stuff has got to stop.
And it's like, motherfuckers, shut the fuck.
Where's this energy when Hellboy come out?
When Hellboy 2 comes out?
I don't see you at the movie theater picking it.
I don't see you doing Instagram videos.
My kids are going to see this movie.
They have a show on ABC called Lucifer.
No.
Yeah, no issue with that.
That's the number one show on Netflix, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, they posted the old seasons on Netflix.
That shit blew the fuck up.
So it's like, cut that shit out.
You know, it's a smokescreen to just be angry at this guy for basically being gay.
You know what it is.
And he's used their outrage to propel his shit to the top.
And it's fucking brilliant.
Yeah, I thought he did a good job with like trying to leverage the sneaker thing into the jail thing.
Like he turned that controversy, knew that there was a lawsuit happening, didn't let the lawsuit like get him off.
So he was like, oh, I'm going to make TikToks leading up into it that all go viral, that lead into the video.
Like just strategically, it just works so effectively.
It's just great.
And he's right.
He's on the right side.
The outrage is wrong.
Like a lot of times there's outrage with gray area.
You know, if we want to do like offensive jokes, right?
There are going to be people saying that our jokes are just a veil for racism or sexism, that we actually really feel racist and sexist.
And that's what these jokes are there for.
So now we get positioned as like racist or sexist or homophobic or whatever it is.
And then we have to push back against that.
But the conversation is convoluted.
But these people just like being gay is wrong.
And he's like, no, it's fun.
Right?
So it's like, there's no pushback to his side whatsoever.
Yeah.
Unless you hate gay people.
And now in 2021, the fuck is wrong with you for saying you hate gay people.
It's genius.
I'm curious to know what his next pivot is, though.
Because eventually I think he's going to realize like, okay, this thing is not getting as much outrage as it normally gets.
Yes.
So like he'll go at some award show and like kiss a guy and it'll be like, all right, this is not getting the reaction.
And so I'm wondering if he's going to try to pivot like the way Lady Gaga pivoted, where she was like this outrageous icon, like a gay icon also that then got into like serious acting and got into like more like artsy stuff and moved away from like the outrageous thing.
Yeah.
I'm curious to know if he gets into like movies or TV and like if how his rebrand will be.
Yeah I think he just goes mainstream enough that he doesn't need the outrage.
It's it's tricky when you're a gay dude.
And I don't know what part of the episode this is in right now, but we'll probably have this conversation either before and this is sounding redundant or after and you'll understand why in a second or in a few minutes.
But like as a gay dude, what often happens is like people can't make that transition.
Like a gay guy doesn't play a straight guy in movies.
Right?
Like Neil Patrick Harris was on like one of the most successful sitcoms.
Yeah.
Right.
Comes out of the closet and then he's got to be like weird things.
Like gay guys can play weird characters.
They can play like a like a, what is that thing?
The show he was on on Netflix.
Oh, series of unfortunate events.
What is the guy's name?
He's going to be a lemony snicket.
Yeah.
So yeah, so they'll end up playing these like weird characters.
So if it is straight, it's almost like not sexualized at all.
So he was a limony snicket, a series of unfortunate events or whatever the fuck it is.
And like, but you won't just see him being like a hero in a movie.
It will have to be either a gay person or something odd, cartoonish.
Right.
You know?
So I wonder what Lil Nas X ends up being because he's not going to play straight characters and the gay characters aren't going to be like the leads in the movie.
I think he can play whatever.
But name someone who has done it.
I think he'll be the one to do it.
Can we look up when Neil Patrick Harris is going to be?
Okay, I think he has a star power and has like the, there's enough of a financial incentive and like a social reckoning that I think he could that's possible.
But also, I think it needs to be recognized that he would break the mold.
The mold is set where that doesn't happen.
Which is his thing.
So I think it would be on brand for him to be like, yo, I'm going to be a superhero that's straight or gay or not even like sexually ambiguous, whatever.
Yes.
And that'll be a groundbreaking thing.
And then he will be able to position that in like this socially active way with the way he's done with everything.
And he's famous enough that when he starts doing movies, it's just going to be Lil Nas X in a movie.
He's not going to be like a thespian.
It's not going to matter what role he's playing.
It's just, oh, Lil Nas X is in a movie being Lil Nas X. Right.
You know what I mean?
Like, Method Man can act, but he Method Man.
I guess if we're comparing Lil Gaga Lil Gaga, Lady Gaga to Lil Nas X, Lady Gaga became a thespian, right?
She became like an actress.
Well, the only member of the movie I remember her from, she played a singer.
She did a good job and she acted well, but she was still a singer.
Sure, but like she's not the type of singer that she is.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Like Eminem played himself, even though it wasn't Eminem.
Like it was like the same character.
Whereas like this woman, like Lady Gaga is walking around with fucking slabs of meat all over her, like being like a weirdo.
And then she all of a sudden plays like a normal person that's a singer, you know?
So I would love to see that happen for Lil Nas X, but it would be something that breaks the molt.
Yeah.
I mean, he also might be too radioactive with everything that he's done thus far, as far as like enraging the middle of the country that are like, fuck him.
And then the movie studios might go, eh, we kind of like it when the middle of the country goes out to the movies and watches our shit.
So why are we going to piss them off by putting you in it for five lines in the movie?
Is it worth putting him in Transformers?
Fuck no.
To the movie theater.
It may or may not be, but I think they're going to have to have that conversation.
I could see him breaking through.
That'd be interesting.
He's a smart guy.
That'd be interesting.
Bitcoin Market Fluctuations00:12:44
What else we got going on, man?
Oh, I have a theory on crypto real quick.
Okay, go.
I was thinking about this this week.
Crypto is actually the most predictable asset on the planet.
How?
Because it's not based on anything but human reaction, you can create metrics for that human reaction.
The only thing that makes it tricky is when outside influence starts affecting it.
For example, government starts saying, we're not doing crypto anymore, or like a billionaire starts fucking tweeting about it, et cetera.
Outside of that, I bet you could plot the course of crypto and judge it based on a greed and risk tolerance.
Two graphs of greed and risk tolerance.
In other words, when crypto starts to spike, you know, Bitcoin starts to make some more money, what happens is people like me go, oh shit, my friends are getting rich and it's just going up.
I don't want everybody to get rich except me.
I'm in, right?
Eventually, crypto goes to a certain point where people go, I've made 10x, 20x on my money.
Shit, I got to get out before this shit drops.
It's going to drop.
That risk tolerance, you start to hit a wall of how much you think you'll be able to gain.
Yeah.
There will be a metric for that.
Like my buddy said, like the only graphs, he's made like millions of dollars in crypto.
He goes, the only graphs I look at are the 200-week average of Bitcoin.
That's the only thing I look at.
I don't read all these other things.
That's one thing I fucking look at.
And basically, if you see, I bet you these fucking big hedge funds, these big crypto companies, I bet you they have all these analytics that just go, this is what humans can tolerate.
This much positive amount.
Okay.
It went up this percent in this amount of time.
This is when people are going to start to get nervous again.
We're going to sell before that.
Then it's going to fucking drop down.
It'll drop down 30%, 50%, 75%.
Oh, it's down at 75%.
The 200-week average is around 25,000 for a Bitcoin or something like that.
Ooh, that's low enough where people want to start to get in.
And it's starting to increase in its acceleration.
Oh, here comes another bull market.
Or here comes another bull market.
I just think because it doesn't have to deal on the numbers of the business, you can just invest in it and have to worry about it.
I think they don't understand it.
The fear is even stronger.
So the fear and greed, greed is when we all hear NFTs, we were all kind of into NFTs.
It was like, oh, it seems like everybody's getting rich.
I want in.
There's the greed.
We don't understand it.
Fear is once it starts to go down, we're all like, man, I knew this shit was too good to be true.
I don't even know how it works.
Sell all of it, get the fuck out.
Everybody's already laughing at me because I'm losing money.
Andrew's already yelling at me because he thinks I cost him money.
I'm not selling.
I'm going to keep trying to buy.
But that shit, it takes a lot of fucking discipline to, in those moments, be like, no, I'm going to be greedy when others are fearful.
That's what they always say.
Be greedy when others are fearful.
Be fearful when others are greedy.
That's a hard thing to fight against in human nature.
Yeah, I'm curious because like I...
But real quick, sorry to interrupt, but just the fact that like AT ⁇ T has to make profit in order for me to justify the business going up.
Yes.
Right?
If at the end of the day, AT ⁇ T is losing tons of money, we can make a prediction and think, okay, that stock price is going down.
Because Bitcoin has no value, really, besides what we place on it, it's actually a cleaner investment strategy because you can judge it based on human risk tolerance and human greed.
Right?
All these other companies have to show some sort of growth or profit.
And if they lose, we're looking at them going like, oh, this might not go well.
Let's say they're not profiting, like an Amazon isn't making money, but they're growing exponentially.
You can be like, okay.
They own this part of the market share.
Maybe they're not making money because they keep reinvesting, but now they own 60% and last year they owned 40%.
I could put my money there and feel safe.
Exactly.
Bitcoin isn't anything.
All it is is our confidence.
So all it is is our insecurity.
And as long as you make those metrics based on our confidence and insecurity, which I guarantee these big fucking crypto hedge funds are doing, they can tell this shit about to go.
There's a reason why Jim Kramer bought tons of Bitcoin.
You know, the fucking whatever his guy's name is?
Mad Money.
Mad Money and then sold at 64.
He sells right before the shit tanks.
Mad money, Mr. I know everything about the fucking stock market.
You don't think he had someone in his ear like, fam, it might be time to go.
Sells at 64 and a half.
But it gets back in, he can buy twice as much Bitcoin.
It could also be like, he's so big and influential when he sold a lot, it created the ball for everybody else to sell.
Akash can speak more on that.
I do think there's something interesting about the fact that he can kind of to a level, to a degree, dictate for the price of the market.
To a degree.
Because realistically, there's so many people in so many countries on Bitcoin.
One guy saying I'm selling, even if he has, it makes 50,000 people sell.
That's not necessarily going to affect Bitcoin that dramatically.
No, but I bet you there's a metric that shows when it is bubbling, right?
Yeah.
If there's a significant amount of sale in the bubble, the risk tolerance becomes very low because you already know you're making way more than you should.
So if there's a 10% fluctuation when it's already on the bubble, now you're going to see bear market.
Yeah.
Right?
Like all these things have to be worked out.
And because it doesn't have to be based on anything besides our human interaction with the asset, it's easier to predict.
And I could be completely wrong with everything I'm saying.
Also, I remember we talked like last week and I think Neil, your boy, had talked to you about how like it is very predictable.
It always goes down and then it always rises up.
Usually it drops by 90% and then skyrockets.
The only things that are tricky tricky or the skyrocket is pretty short yeah it's pretty short-lived and also you don't know how long the thing lasts but it's just such a severe cascade because we don't know what the fuck it is and it's just belief so belief is really easy to lose that shit is gonna plummet when it plummets because it's like oh fuck everybody's losing belief i knew this was nothing there's nothing to it sell fucking everything ATT can't go down like that as long as they're making money every single month.
Hey, ATT, there's proof ATT is a thing right here.
There's no proof Bitcoin is a thing.
Sorry, I cut you, Mark.
What were you saying?
Yeah, my only skepticism with that is that like the idea of like modeling economies like on like a massive scale isn't necessarily contingent on like the products in the economy per se.
It's just like human behavior and like trying to map what is going to be the next behavior that someone does.
But we're not looking at an entire economy.
We're looking at companies.
And you have to look at Bitcoin like a company.
If you were looking at entire economies like GDP and that kind of stuff, that makes sense because that spending is going to translate from ATT to Verizon or the next cell phone company, Cricket Wireless, whatever the fuck it is.
But I'm looking at all the crypto market, all the crypto coins as a market.
And like trying to map like human behavior in that way is like extremely complicated.
But I think, sorry to interrupt.
I think in order to, I think in order to look at crypto, you got to kind of position yourself within the dominant coins because there's so many coins that are like absolutely meaningless in a game where everything is meaningless.
You have to like hold on to the thing that has like some pseudo meaning.
Whereas if you're just looking at Cardano or all these other things, it's like, that's just a parlay.
This motherfucker is going, I want to bet $50 and hope I get $5,000.
Right.
Where I don't even see them as like part of the economy.
You know what I mean?
My suspicion is that I think there are massive Bitcoin hedge funds that are looking and trying to map it and use analytics to try to get ahead.
My feeling is that the percentages they're getting are like minor, where it's like a 3% better than the average Bitcoin investor.
I think it's super minimal because in terms of modeling human behavior, humans are inherently irrational.
The way they behave with things, I will push back a little bit because AI has proven to be a good idea.
I agree with that.
I think AI and social media have proven we are way more predictable than we think.
Yeah.
Like it's really easy to figure out every human being's psychology.
Yeah.
And if one thing that like social media showed us is like we're all the same.
Like they literally make subsets.
Like you were doing this on Facebook and just getting the data and like, hey, what is a what is an Akash Singh fan?
Oh, they're these people?
You push a video or push a promo for shows out to them and then X amount of them is going to buy a ticket to the show.
Like that's based on predictability of people, not the uniqueness.
If there's one thing social media showed us is that we're not these little snowflakes.
Dude, it was so specific.
I remember somebody, I don't even know if we should keep this or not.
It's not anything crazy, but somebody looked at your dad and was like, an Andre Schultz fan is five times more likely to buy domestic beer or like craft beer, some like very specific thing than the average American.
And it's like, how the fuck?
Like, how are you even getting this?
Yeah, because we're not liberal cucks.
To your point about like the different coins, I think I look at all those other little coins like the penny stocks.
Yeah.
Because that's how that market fluctuates.
Crazy.
It's a stock market.
But get in, make a little money, get the fuck out.
Yes.
It means nothing.
Imagine a stock market with no profit and loss.
Like Tesla isn't profitable or some shit like that.
And people keep saying Amazon wasn't profitable.
People keep saying, oh, you don't believe in it.
But no, long term, this is a good product.
I believe in this product.
Bitcoin, you can say that with, but most of us don't know.
We hear other people say it's a good product.
Amazon, you can go shop on that bitch and you're like, nah, this works.
There's something there.
That's why the swings are so fucking crazy because none of us really understand it.
I'd just be having the we understand it.
There's just nothing there.
There's nothing to understand.
You keep using the word understand.
Like, even if I understood what Bitcoin was and blockchain and all this shit, it's meaningless unless we decide it's valuable.
Yeah, exactly.
I understand.
Right?
Because it's not that complex a thing.
Like, obviously, the math in order to build these blockchains is, and I don't have no way to fucking understand that.
But in order for us to just go, there's 21 million of these, and that's all there's going to be, and I own some, and some people think it's valuable, okay, it has some value.
And the second it starts to dip, it's like, oh, it should dip.
It is worthless.
Yeah.
Like, it's not like we don't feel justified when it dips.
Like, every time it dips, I don't go, how could it?
I go, finally, people are realizing this is a sham.
Right?
And then it goes up 10%.
And I'm like, we bet.
I mean, it's worthless, but in the sense that, like, if we artificially create meaning and ascribe meaning to it, then it now is meaningless.
Or now it has meaning, even if it's artificially created.
Yes.
Like, if we socially construct meaning onto Bitcoin, there could be a point in the future where it is meaningful.
If it's used as like transactional or like if the Fed backs up to Bitcoin, it now has like intrinsic meaning.
Yeah.
In a way that like gold is like intrinsically valuable.
No, we put meaning on brands all the time, like clothing brands.
It's just oftentimes those articles of clothing don't fluctuate in price in the same way Bitcoin has.
Right.
Like a shirt that comes out from this like new streetwear brand doesn't skyrocket in value 200% over like a few years.
That'd be crazy.
You know?
I mean, Supreme shirts still cost 50 bucks if you buy it at the Supreme store.
Right.
Right.
It's not like now if you want a Bitcoin, it is 50,000 or 33,000.
Like if you had to buy a Supreme shirt and it was 50,000 and then all of a sudden the next month, people are like, Supreme sucks.
And it went down to like $50, you'd be like, yes.
It should be $50.
It's a shirt.
What the fuck were people paying $50,000 for?
You know, like, there's still like a baseline price that Supreme dictates for their clothing.
And then after that, the aftermarket goes crazy.
The difference of Bitcoin is like, this is the price now.
Yeah.
But that is the aftermarket, though, as far as like people like the StockX is the Bitcoin coin exchange.
Yes, but there is no way to get it at what the Bitcoin people believe the value is because all it is is believed value.
Right.
It's all aftermarket.
Right.
Like we recognize a shirt is a shirt at the end of the day.
Where Bitcoin is like, nope, I'm Bitcoin.
I'm what y'all think I am.
Right.
Like, I have no identity.
You're my identity.
Because even on StockX, like you see the retail price and then you see what it's selling for right now.
You're like, is it worth paying this much more percent for something?
I see the actual value.
I see it right there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's kind of wild.
Dude, it's a fucking, this is the craziest time we'll ever see, I think.
And not just economic.
Just the way the internet changed.
Life was so simple before the internet.
Yeah.
Like never when you were 10 or whatever did you think, oh, something might replace the dollar.
You know what I mean?
Like there's not, and what is it going to be?
Another country's currency?
No, just like a global thing that you can't touch or feel.
It's like an algorithm.
It's like, what the fuck is happening?
I don't think it will replace the guy right now.
I don't think that's a good question.
Whether or not it will just be an asset.
Whoever wins Olympic basketball, that is what should replace the dollar.
Identity And Stock Prices00:04:20
Yeah.
It might be the Euro.
Who knows?
KD?
KD, back to work.
Whether or not it will, just the idea, that could be a conversation.
And we're just seeing all the sand settle right now.
That would be an incentive.
If you say, yo, if you lose, the American dollar is worthless.
All your money that you have saved up in American dollars is worthless.
I mean, I would murder every one of these guys on a day.
If they come back to America, they're dead.
I'd be having a rifle.
I'd be there with the rifle.
Because they have an incentive.
They go, I don't want my money to be fucking backed up to the Euro.
Yeah.
And if they lose, they're dead.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
I like that.
Actually, I like that.
Like in countries like Iraq and shit like that.
Take them into gear.
Yeah, you lose a soccer match and they just start shooting you.
You want LeBron and Steph to play?
Why didn't Steph play?
They're soft, bro.
LeBron was hurt.
Bronte is not hurt.
LeBron fucking ready to go.
LeBron's tweeting.
Steph not even, he didn't even have an injury this year.
He had a great year.
Yeah, and he's just like, hey, why risk it on something?
He already has a goal, right?
Did Steph got one?
I know Bron has one.
I know.
Question.
Hawaii, I don't think he has one.
He got hurt, though.
Okay.
My thing is, like, if you have one already, fuck it.
Why take the risk?
Because it's America, dog.
Yo, sometimes you got to do shit for America.
It's bigger than you.
Like, that's the problem in America right now, is everybody's so individual.
Like, we actually got too individual.
We got too, we care too much about ourselves and we care too much about our unique.
How can you care about something bigger than you?
Exactly.
And what makes humans special is we can care about, fight for things that are bigger than ourselves.
Like, we can go risk our lives for people we don't even know.
That's what makes human beings special.
And that's why we dominate the world because other animals don't know how to do that.
But if some believe that there are practices in this country that aren't for them or don't benefit them equally, you can watch fucking like on a computer.
You could do both, Doug.
I'm just saying.
A lot of people, that's how they became part of the fabric of this country, right?
They showed up and they're like, I want to prove my worth.
So I'm going to go fight for this country.
Now you can't take that shit away from me.
I mean, the Irish were coming over here during the potato famine.
They would literally show up on the shore and then they toss their asses into the fucking war.
Here's a uniform.
Prove how badly you want to be American.
Yep.
And then they get back to America and they're not treated so nicely.
Yeah, absolutely.
And then they became cops and they're like, well, we can treat you shitty too.
You know what I mean?
We couldn't cops and firemen.
Oh, you want us to put the fire out in your building?
All right.
Stop calling me a Mick.
You know what I mean?
It's very simple.
We'll get into positions of a powerful.
That's got to be the least offensive.
What?
Offensive name.
Yeah.
It's just your name, but sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a nickname.
Irish people don't know about nicknames.
That's the issue.
Kevin McAllister, home alone.
Yeah.
Somebody McMullen.
It's just what you'd be called.
I don't think the Irish ever cared about like bad names or that kind of stuff.
I hope not because that's a great one.
Well, actually, it's about as offensive as calling someone like Ak.
Like Akbar?
Yeah, like Ahmed, whatever.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like if that guy's like, oh, don't call me Ak.
Why?
Why what?
No, why is that offensive?
Because you're assuming his name is Ahmed when he grew up in America.
His name's Dave.
Oh, I thought Ak meant like my friend or my companion or some shit like that.
Oh, in like Arabic?
Yeah.
Oh, I thought it was a bad.
Mazabi.
I think it shows for Akbar.
Oh, see.
Or Ahmed, yeah.
That's what I was thinking.
Yeah, get an Ak to make the chopped cheese.
There was some guys like that.
I thought that was a friendly way to say, hey, buddy.
But it is friendly.
You don't mean anything bad by it, right?
And let's be honest, if there's like one group of people that share a lot of the same names, it's like, you know what I mean?
Yeah, dude.
Like to assume.
He's a Moe.
If you meet a Muslim and you assume their name is Muhammad, you have like a 50% chance.
That's what offends me about Ak.
It should be Mo.
That should be the assumption.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
MD.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mo, MD.
If just assuming that if there's one group of people that you can assume their name and it's not racist, it's Muslims.
It's the most popular name in the world.
Exactly.
Yeah.
100%.
100%.
Have you heard that?
It's like the most popular name in the world is supposed to be Muhammad Wong.
Wong?
Based off of the most prevalent last name, the most prevalent first name?
That's funny.
That's funny.
Yeah.
I just think it's hilarious.
You can't draw a picture of Muhammad, but you can name any fucking retarded baby after him.
Like, no question whatsoever, right?
You draw a picture of Muhammad that's fucked up, but you have this kid who's an absolute dip shit.
He's walking around.
He's a fucking doofish dip shit, and he's walking around with the holiest name in the world.
That's crazy, isn't it?
Assuming Muslim Names00:15:48
Yeah, it's a little wild.
I know a lot of Mo is not really worthy of the name.
You know what I mean?
That's what I'm saying, bro.
And imagine your name is Muhammad and you're not living up to that man.
That's next level.
You don't want it at all.
You ain't shit.
I don't know a single Jesus that lives up to Jesus neither, bro.
When we talk about it, bro, Jesuses, like Latin Jesuses, Jesus.
They the worst Catholics, bro.
The worst.
Have y'all met one Jesus that's in the church?
I don't think I've actually ever met a Jesus.
Never met a Jesus?
No.
I've met a Jesus.
No, I've never met a Jesus.
I met a bunch of the onhells and like other shit like that, but never a Jesus.
But it is funny, right?
There's no like Father Jesus.
No.
Like, you would think that they would kind of push them in the direction of the church, but you never met one priest named Jesus.
I don't think they want the shine to be stolen.
You're stepping all over our shit.
Like, we already have a Jesus.
Like, give a middle name.
Nah, Father Jesus, man.
It's all one.
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
Jesus and Jesus.
Now two of them actually line up.
There you go.
I don't think they want the competition though.
Dave's Peters.
That's fine.
All right.
What else we got, man?
We got a couple other things.
It's quite Ian Te Desant.
We got Dr. Dre.
Oh, this is an important story I want to talk about.
Dr. Dre got to pay his wife $300K a month for spousal support.
Spousal support.
They're divorced.
$300K a month.
The kids are 24 and 20 or something like that.
Like the kids are out the house.
It's just 300K a month so she can continue living the life that she's accustomed to living.
How do you guys feel about that?
It's tricky with her because she's been around since the jump, right?
No.
She has, son.
Yeah.
No, you got the other girl they made the lifetime movie about.
No.
She ain't getting nothing, bro.
That abuse victim got jacked shit.
She got some beats by Dre.
Literally.
That's it.
But no, she was around from the very beginning.
Like he wrote the letter to her, like that whole thing, right?
Yeah, she's been around for, I mean, they've been there 24 years or something like that.
Like she's been around.
She's been around for a while.
Just the idea of a monthly payment bothers me.
If she wanted half, okay, you get half.
You were there.
Now we're done.
You want out.
We're done.
I don't want to keep paying you.
Even if half is more than what he's paying now, half to me is like, all right, you guys built that together.
You could make the argument, whatever.
Now.
They had a prenup.
And the prenup, this is the agreement in the prenup, by the way.
So it's not like she's getting more than what she deserved.
Exactly.
I should have prefaced that.
So this is the agreement per the prenup.
And I'm sure the prenup said something like, even if we do get divorced, you have to maintain my lifestyle up to a certain extent.
She was asking for $2 million a month.
That's what it was when she had that initial like $10,000, $15,000 a month for laundry or something.
Dumb shit.
No, the charity.
$10,000 a month or $100,000 a month for charity.
I think Akash goes, Bitch, you're charity.
Yeah, that's what I'm just about to say.
You charity, bitch.
Yeah.
But there's no, that's like her attorneys.
Like, that's them playing this like legal game.
You ask for $2 million, you're going to settle at $300K.
And basically, I think Dr. Dre won the suit, which makes it go down to $200,000.
So he's worth so much that $3 million a year is.
It's not much for him.
And it's actually $3 million a year isn't the craziest settlement I've ever heard of.
Just the idea of spousal support.
Yeah, it seems wild.
You are not my spouse.
Legally, we have dissolved that term from you.
You want half.
All right, we're going to have the whole Eddie Murphy joke, half, et cetera.
Fine, but like, fine.
You guys built that together.
I got to keep paying you when you leave.
But if that's in the prenup, like, bro, you agreed to speak.
No, that's the crazy thing.
I think there's another thing that also goes with it.
And I understand your point.
Like, I think some people might be digesting your shit bad because you're basically saying give her half if she was there from the jump.
But they had the prenup.
So this is the agreement based on the.
Yeah, that's what you got to do.
That's fine.
Exactly.
So it's fair because that's what they agreed on.
We see, it seems like an egregious amount of money to just give somebody that you're not even fucking or not even with or not even taking care of your kids because they're thinking 20 and 24.
Yeah.
Right.
But that being said, if you're there from the jump.
Yeah.
And apparently the sorry, but if you're there from the jump and like you gave up your life to support what he was doing and raise the kids, I think they deserve it.
I know it sounds crazy, but if you give up what your passion is and you give up the thing that can make money for you, like if you give up your career, let's say she was going to be a lawyer or some shit, and then they basically had a conversation.
And she's like, listen, I'm going to take care of these kids, but I need some assurances from you that I'm not going to give up my career and my way of feeding myself.
And then if it doesn't work out between us, I'm done.
What's interesting about that is I think I agree with you, but you said it so cocky, I'm out.
I really am just like, what dreams did you have, bitch?
What you talking about?
You had a $3 million year dream, bitch.
Hey, you could keep dreaming.
What the fuck are you talking about?
It wasn't going to happen.
You weren't going to make it.
I wonder if they'd be a lawyer.
I wonder if they take the average, let's say, to calculate his income.
They took the average of the last three years.
And I think it was just bad timing.
Yeah.
Because if the year when that beats by Dre situation happened, his income looks crazy.
But right now, he's back to a normal.
Yeah, I'm sure he's still making great money, but not like that.
So if that year was calculated in averaging his income, but the attorneys know that.
Like the attorneys are doing, like, I'm assuming all the legal shit.
Like, they've been trying to file for divorce for like 10 years.
And like, you told them the best time.
Yeah, the attorneys are like, wait, serve the papers on this day.
Hide this money over here.
Put this money in a charity or this money in a, like, what are those things called?
Like a foundation or something.
Yeah.
Shell company, et cetera.
Like, they know, listen, when you get divorced and you're rich, that should take two years before you even go, yo, we're getting divorced.
Yeah.
Like, you're moving so many things around so your wife don't get it.
Yeah.
And she's doing shit to try to get what she's got to get.
Like, yeah, it's all, it's all good.
And that's why it's kind of wild because I think he accused her of like stealing money.
Remember, this was happening early.
And I didn't even think about this early on.
Like, I'm thinking they're happily married and all of a sudden she's conniving and trying to like take money out of the accounts and like put it in her account.
Right.
But this whole time, I'm sure she's like, oh, this motherfucker think you're going to hide all our money before the divorce.
And then I ain't going to get shit.
Fuck you.
I'm going to hide some money too.
She also accused him of moving money around.
Oh, she did?
Yeah.
See, I didn't see that because I only look at things through the men's perspective.
We're always right.
Interesting.
But yeah, and apparently her agreement is in place until she remarries or enters into a new domestic partnership.
Further court or until further order of the court.
And that's the other thing that is, I do find annoying is you find guys that aren't Dr. Dre income that pay spousal support who the wife will have a living boyfriend and be like, well, I'm not going to get married because then I lose this free check.
Yeah.
Bro, you know how much?
You know how much you got to love a man to not get paid $300,000 a month to do nothing?
Like if you fucking some dude on the side, like you can't make it official or else you lose $300,000.
He got to be rich enough to say, fuck that.
We don't need his money.
Very few guys are that rich.
Dre wants the monthly payment.
He doesn't want to give her half.
Yeah.
You give her half.
Like he's giving her half a billion dollars.
I almost think even then, as a rule, you get half if you're married and spousal support in the thing.
Even if it costs the guy more money.
Listen, I was actually thinking, you make decisions together.
She's a part of this.
If you got a wife that's like, that you trust intellectually, probably that's why you married her.
All right, let's do this together.
Let's build it.
We lost it.
I know I did more, but let's just get this over with you.
That is the dumbest thing he's ever said.
You're a numbers man.
Yeah, no, I know.
$100,000 a month instead of half.
I'm not a numbers man.
I'm a man of principle.
Clearly.
I'm a man of principle.
Clearly.
Not principle on interest because I'm not that good with money.
So half of everything.
Half of all the investments.
No, take half.
Yo, we're out.
We're done.
Half the house.
And if you're that rich, you're probably still fine with just half to be honest.
I don't get half the house.
Hey, we sell that.
Who wants to live in this fucking hateful ass house where we fought the last?
You know what I'm talking about?
You want them shitty ass?
You have a print of, like, say, $40 million or $500 million.
I'm not talking about what he should do.
I'm saying what the law should be.
Yo, this guy invests in crypto.
He's a fucking idiot.
Oh, can I tell you what this guy's first text was last year?
Last night on the group text about crypto, somebody hit, Bitcoin is booming.
And I was like, oh, I just put in yesterday.
Thank God.
I had to take a month off for wedding.
Andrew's first text was it, you guys are all idiots.
You guys don't know anything.
Or was it, should I buy more?
Question mark, question mark, question mark.
You.
It's just me.
It's just me.
That's all it is.
I'm not buying more, bro.
I got a wedding to pay for.
I got other things I got to do.
But I wanted to know what was popping.
Yeah.
I looked at my Coinbase.
That shit was green.
I was like, what the fuck is going on?
And then, yep, yep, yep.
Open it up out.
Bitcoin up 12%.
Yeah.
Big time.
Big time.
And then I spoke to my boy Niels yesterday.
And like, I don't know, he's more convincing.
I just know you know nothing about it.
So like when you try to convince me, it doesn't work.
I didn't bring it up.
You brought it up.
What do you mean?
You do this.
We're like, you'll hate some shit, but you will use someone as a conduit to hate it, and then you'll just hate that person without knowing.
Yeah.
No, I know.
I mean, that's Andrew.
Yeah.
You didn't know that?
No, that's just.
That's how I live my life.
You can't hate things.
You got to hate people.
You're not against Bitcoin.
I'm not against it.
I'm not against Hakas.
He's against Hakas pretending to know what Bitcoin is.
Yes, 100%.
And Pompliano.
I'm against the Pizza Boy and I'm against Akashi.
We got to have Pomplean.
Let's go.
Yeah, we're going to get Pizza Boy back on.
You're going to defend all my hunches.
But I don't want to have him back on while this shit is booming, bro.
You know what I mean?
We got to have him back on when it's a bear market to see if that confidence stays.
I need that confidence to be sturdy because he stopped tweeting his inspirational tweets and shit when Bitcoin was around $29,000.
Nah, he's still waiting.
Hey, everybody, let's get after it.
He's still.
It wasn't.
And I knew it was driving you crazy.
I was like, you must have been.
His shit would be like, it always goes down and then comes up.
It's up 200% over the last 12 months.
Name another asset like that.
Yeah, no, he definitely did.
He was backtracking.
But he was still doing it.
Let's get after it.
And I was like, motherfucker, tweet about crypto.
I don't want to hear this fucking.
Yeah, tell people to buy.
Yeah, like me.
Hey, let's get up and have the motivation.
Shut the fuck up, man.
Why should I buy?
Yeah, need your dough, cock.
You know what I mean?
We want some Bitcoin pizza pumps.
He has to come here with a full pizza next episode.
Pompliano, you come here with a full pizza next episode.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay, what else?
One more topic.
Oh, did you see Nancy or not?
Who was it?
Sarah Huckabee Sanders or whatever called it the Trump vaccine?
She said something like, Thank you.
She had a think piece.
I was like, why decided to take Donald Trump's vaccine or something like that?
And liberals were really just like clowning it and making so much fun of her.
Why?
Why?
I mean, yeah, she's promoting the vaccine.
Your whole goal is to get the vaccination numbers up.
This will be a question.
If Trump gets credit for the vaccine, numbers go up.
Liberals have already been vaccinated.
We had this conversation, I think, last week, right?
We're like, if Trump was president, would more people be vaccinated?
The group of people that are not getting vaccinated are either Trump fans or black people.
Yes.
So he would at least get the Trump fans.
Yep.
Black people would double down, not do it at all.
For sure.
Corona would just take out black people, which Trump fans might fucking love.
It might be the ideal situation for the MAGA.
For sure.
He found a way.
Apparently, there was counter-argument to that that I was reading.
Some people are DMing me saying that Kamala said that if Trump tells us to take it, she isn't going to.
No, I think the full context of the quote was: I will listen if Fauci and Science says it, but I won't just listen if Trump says it.
I think that was the full context of it, if I'm not mistaken.
But who cares who gets credit for it?
Do you want people to not get vaccinated or not?
Biden should make a choice.
The Trump vaccine.
100%.
Because then if it kills anybody, it's on Trump.
It's the Trump vaccine.
Yeah.
And if everybody takes it, the economy's on you.
So you get the benefit of the economy.
And any bad, it's on Trump.
This is, yeah, no-brainer.
Call the Trump vaccine.
Trump vaccine.
We're calling it the Trump vaccine.
I got the Trump vaccine.
I got the Trump vaccine.
I got two doses all the time.
I'm trumped up, dog.
Are you trumped up?
Hey, I'm trumped up.
I'm for sure, dude.
Trump got re-elected in my body.
He did.
I got to.
They stormed the Capitol as we speak.
Storming your capital.
Yeah, it's not a good idea.
Anti bodies filling your blood.
Yeah, bro.
No delta over here.
Beat out my Indian dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know about the Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
I just think, I just think liberals get in their own way a lot.
I think both sides do, but like they think they're the smarter side, I think, which is a little annoying.
And it's like, how do you not see past your one little hate here?
Yeah, which is this is a pandemic.
Hey, we all got to do what we got to do.
You'll wear fucking masks in a restaurant, but you won't give a guy credit who, let's be honest, the vaccine was released while he was still president.
Yeah.
It's just a fact.
Yeah, you know, it's uh, I think it's it's never about the issue, it's always about scoring points.
Yeah, dude.
And we use these issues, but we don't really care about them.
And when I say we, I mean like people just in general.
It's like whatever can serve me, I will use, no matter how hypocritical I am.
But it's sadly because people are dying.
Like, there's someone that was scared to get the vaccine and died of COVID because they're and that would have got it if Trump was president.
Yeah, they're a fucking idiot.
Yeah, that person's anybody that dies of COVID now that refused to get vaccinated.
That's on you, dude.
Yeah.
You knew what you were doing.
But if someone was like, yo, it's a Trump vaccine, like, get vaccinated, blah, blah, blah.
And then they would for that, and they're a fucking idiot for only doing it because I'm not saying they're not stupid, but I'm saying there's politicians that are trying to score like Democrat points when they could be helping people.
Yeah, they, they, yeah, yeah, they don't care about people, they don't fucking care about people.
Okay, but when we're talking about vaccinations, the NFL taking a hard line.
Yeah.
How do you feel about that?
Because this is really interesting.
They're like, you get vaccinated.
If there's an outbreak on your team, your team takes an L and you forfeit game checks.
And you forfeit game checks.
Yeah.
I think it's like $15,000 a game.
I think there's a separate one that's like, I have to find the article, but I think it's like $15,000 if you test positive and you are not vaccinated.
$15,000 a day you miss from practice.
You're fined.
You might get fined just for being unvaccinated.
I also heard vaccinated and unvaccinated players can't fly in the same plane.
So if you're unvaccinated, you're not flying on the team playing the games.
I don't know if you got to pay for it out of your own pocket or what.
So you're just going to have a coach's plane and a player's plane.
Dude, there's a coach for the Vikings who sat out.
He's just sitting out.
He's not coaching this whole year because they want him to get the vaccine.
Wow.
And he refuses to do it.
I mean, I get the NFL's perspective because, like, you're fucking up our money.
Like, yeah, we don't care who gives a fuck.
What's funny is NFL players are now like, no, this is about my health.
And it's like, dude, you're playing a game that kills you.
Literally, you're getting brain damage every single day.
Every week.
And you know that.
And everybody knows that.
And they're like, hey, man, that's what it is.
But the vaccine, you're drawing a hard line.
You have 12 concussions every year.
Yeah, it's really interesting.
And I like the fact that the NFL is basically saying this is not about health.
It is about money.
Because there's one game a week.
Let's be honest.
If an NFL game is canceled, that is tens of millions of dollars.
Right?
They cannot literally afford it.
It's not like the NBA with the bubble.
They cannot literally afford to lose one of the 17 games.
They can't afford it.
Yeah.
Like, so the only way that they can safeguard against that monumental loss of cash is to take a super hard line about vaccinations.
Yeah.
Wow.
NFL Concussions And Money00:12:49
But my question is: if you get the vaccine and you get COVID, what happens to you then?
You don't get the loss in five.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're not getting punished.
It's for unvaccinated people.
Even though the outcome is the same.
Well, it's not the same because we'll go.
I'm just saying the outcome isn't the same because, oh, I understand what you're saying.
You can't play with it.
Yeah, but you took the preventable measure trying to avoid it, and it just happened.
That's unfortunate.
If you didn't do that, if you didn't go through that and you got the whole team sick, fuck you.
Right.
You made a choice that affected a lot of people besides yourself.
And it should cost you money because you are playing a game for money.
This is a business.
And if you've made a choice already, I'm going to shorten my life for tens of millions of dollars.
It is a little weird to me that you're going to say, well, I won't get this vaccine because I don't know what it'll do.
Do you know what CTE does, man?
You're killing your fucking family.
Not with a disease.
You're not having a three-armed baby.
You're shooting them in the fucking head and then shooting yourself.
You made that choice, but the shot that I don't know what it'll do, it's just odd.
Yeah.
Odd choice.
Yeah.
I'm curious if they just test for it forever, though.
Like, are they going to test for COVID just for indefinitely?
Yeah, maybe.
Businesses might have to.
Again, it's a business.
If you don't get the vaccine, you die, whatever.
In the same way, you're going to feel if I have a baby that's fucked up and you think it's because of the vaccine.
Okay, we made our choices.
But if it's a business, we have to keep the business running.
This isn't about your health.
This is about financial health.
Did you guys see any clips from Rolling Loud?
I saw a few.
Okay.
What stood out?
Coy LaRay was the one that I saw getting tweeted about a lot.
That was pretty funny.
Okay.
Why, why, why?
Because she is performing to a deafening silence.
Nobody gave a fuck.
Nobody moving.
There's a couple people.
You look at the video like filming and shit.
It is dead quiet.
Shifty started laughing as soon as I brought it up.
I've never seen anybody bomb with as much confidence in my life.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I get it, though.
Like, there was a few performances that weren't great where they were like, oh, yeah, they kind of bombed.
I heard like Kodak's wasn't amazing.
I heard his was great.
Academics is like posting about it being like, they were turnt up, but like he wasn't that good.
And I don't know.
There's just like random things, but I'm looking at it.
I'm like, yeah, these guys haven't performed in years.
Like literally in two years.
Some of them got famous in the pandemic.
Never did a live performance.
And then now they're thrust on this massive stage with thousands of people and they're like, all right, go entertain them.
Like performance and rapping are two very different things.
Yeah.
That like you don't necessarily have the intrinsic skill to like run a room of people and control a whole stadium just because you're able to write words that run.
Yeah.
I don't know because I think music is such a like, it's such a movement-based thing.
You hear music, you start moving.
Comedy, I got to wait and hear all your words.
And then there's a punchline.
You said something once that said, like, I think you said music is almost like a virus.
Like it just spreads and you can't help it.
You just get this feeling and you just start moving.
To be dead silent and still while music is going on, you almost make a conscious choice.
Fuck this person.
I think that rap is actually the hardest music to perform.
Live?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Live rap is rough.
And you know what taught me that?
Was watching karaoke.
Watching somebody sing karaoke.
If you sing beautifully, you don't even have to move.
Like Adele doesn't need to move.
She just gets to stand there.
You don't got to dance.
Like the worse you are at singing, the more you got to need the theatrics.
Like Brittany needs 15 backup dancers.
She's doing backflips, all this other shit.
Adele just stands there and just breathes and sings.
And the pipes are so crazy that you're just completely enthralled, right?
Whitney, another one, like Whitney, I guess, could move, but at a certain point in time, it's like, sweetheart, just stand right there and sing that shit.
We will sing.
Our national anthem performance.
She just stood there.
It was amazing.
Yeah, it just affects you.
It penetrates.
Rap doesn't do it.
The thing about Rap that's interesting is actually what you're saying.
Like, yes, there is a melody and there is like a rhythm to it, and you get caught up in the beat and the bounce, but the words mean something to the person, right?
Like, you get to live vicariously through that person, even if you're not a gangster, even if you get no bitches.
Like, saying you get bitches is dope, and you feel you want to rap with them, right?
So, one, if you don't know the lyrics to a rapper, it's toast.
Like, if you karaoke a rap song that nobody knows in a karaoke bar, nobody sing along that shit.
It's absolutely useless.
So, I think the skill of performing to what Mark was saying really comes in handy there.
If you know how to move a crowd, really know how to do call and response, really know how to get a crowd active and into the small parts of the song that they do know, the chorus, or even if they don't know the song, you're just like left side when I say this, you go to the right side when I say this, you now they're engaged, and that takes real fucking skill, man.
Because rap is boring live, yo.
That shit is mind-numbingly boring live.
Like, I'm gonna give you pushback on that.
Okay, go.
It's boring to watch a live performance when you're not there.
I think everybody who's there at the end of it.
The energy gets caught up in it, yeah.
Because when I watch live rap, they sound nothing like their track, like they're like screaming the fucking voice, and they don't sound anything like track, but you're still having an amazing time.
Really?
You're having an amazing time because everybody around you knows the lyrics, we're vibing out.
Like, this is our song that we played alone in our room a bunch of times.
Now, a bunch of people I'm surrounded by all know the fucking lyrics.
Like, I'm vibing more with the people in the crowd than I am actually with the artists.
So, I think it's like when you're there, it's way different than like we're watching clips of it, so it's hard to really gauge how impactful the performances were.
Interesting, okay.
You were saying I was gonna say that that's a fair point.
Also, if we can all agree, typically rap is the hardest to perform live, maybe it's the worst live, whatever.
Generally speaking, that means people have accepted that and they'll still vibe out and they'll still rock out and have the time of their lives.
So, when someone goes out there and nobody gives a fuck, it's almost more of a more damning that it's like, nah, we'll fuck with a lot of bad live music.
I'm not doing this.
Yeah, that's true.
That is true.
Like, there are certain songs from a band that, again, if you have an amazing voice, I can tolerate.
I'd be like, wow, it's fire.
With rap, honestly, it's not even the bars because I might not even understand what you're saying for the first time.
I hear the rap, especially live.
It's not crisp, but it's got to be the beat.
Yeah, like, remember when we were watching fucking um the baby, the baby, and uh, schoolboy Q.
He didn't know a single song prior to watching that, but that's like the whole that's why rap is so seductive to me because, like, it's less about necessarily what you're saying, but it's like attitude and like energy and demeanor and like swag.
Obviously, but but for me, it was like school boy Q, he didn't have much swag, and like it was more just like kind of swaggy.
Say what he was kind of swaggy, all right.
All right, all right, yeah, I'll be honest, he was really good.
He was a dancer.
I was shocked at his like his dancing ability.
I was like, oh, wow, this guy can actually move.
Like, he was hitting some shit, and I was like, oh, this is surprising.
But, uh, but the beats were crazy, dude.
And maybe it's because I was high, but it was crazy.
The beats were insane.
But that's, I'm saying, that's the thing.
And then the baby's beats weren't that good.
Remember, I feel the audience was turning up more for him.
Only he would turn up more for us.
Schoolboy Q's beats were crazy.
I think whoever produced those beats.
That's the greatest producer in history.
Whoever made these beats, dog.
The beats were crazy.
It was unbelievable, those beats.
What did you enjoy about the performance?
The beats, bro.
The beats were fucking insane.
Crazy beats, bro.
It was, it was amazing.
But I think they were like at peak high during school boy.
Yeah.
They're starting to come down for the babies.
So they're not.
Man of the year.
I'm the man of the year.
Yeah.
No, I was like, it's you.
Whoever made this beat is the man of the year, bro.
Man of the year.
Yeah, nah, rap live is great.
It depends, dog.
It needs more.
Like, Jay-Z brings out the whole orchestra for a reason because just listen.
What are you talking about?
You ever been to a Jay-Z concert?
Yes, it's just him and usually Memphis Bleak on stage.
Nobody else.
You've clearly never been to Michael.
What are you talking about?
I've been to five Jay-Z concerts.
You clearly have never seen Jay-Z Live.
Jay Z travels with the whole Rock Nation orchestra.
It's there every single show.
You've never seen Japanese.
He doesn't know one Jay-Z lyric, though.
You've never seen a one-j-you're listening.
You have no idea what the fuck is he talking about.
Did you go to when he was at the Barclays when he headlined those shows?
Clearly, you didn't.
Not at the Barclays.
Of course you didn't.
You're not a fan.
You saw him in like 40/40.
He never goes to Barclays.
You rap one song over like it played on the forest.
You see him at the garden.
You only go to the garden.
Did you go there for Justin Timberlake?
Who'd you go there for?
Yeah, you brought it up for Jay T. You went for JT.
No, the Black Album.
What?
The tour he did for Black Album.
So I went to that one.
I went to the tour he did for Lil Baby and Jay-Z are the same name.
He doesn't even ask me.
Al goes, yo, Lil Baby is our artist.
He starts going, ow, he's saying black al.
That's our artist.
That's the people who we resonate with.
Like, y'all don't really understand it.
You don't understand.
I go, Al, name one lyric from Lil Baby.
He couldn't name one lyric.
He could name a line, but he couldn't name what rhyme he said.
You never could, couldn't name one full lyric.
Shifty, what's a you got a little baby bar?
When, wham, when you're a bad one, bitch, I'm a baby.
You said that!
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did that.
I said that one.
You didn't.
I knew that one.
I said that one.
I knew that one.
I know more little baby lyrics than anything.
All right, go.
When, when, when.
We said that.
Next.
No, you never said that.
No, we said that.
Lil Baby, Lil Baby, Lil Baby.
I'm from Atlanta.
I'm from Atlanta.
I don't got no tattoos.
I don't got tattoos.
I got no tattoos.
I'm from Atlanta.
Yo, for real.
You lied about that.
And you're lying about Jay-Z.
You've never been to a Jay-Z.
No, I can believe you went to the Black Album tour.
That was the last time he probably felt black was 15 years ago.
I think that was it.
You just said done.
Came over.
That's it.
Done.
You went to one tour.
I honestly, I think now, if you would know that Jay-Z travels with the Rock Nation Orchestra.
Yo, you're so stupid.
Cool to it.
He's like known for actually being a great performer because he controls the stage.
He fucking makes eye contact at people.
Like he'll call somebody's out all the way in the back, what they're wearing and shit like that.
It's a fucking amazing show that he does.
Bro, rap is fire live, bro.
You're just stripping out minimal.
Yeah, he's actually an excellent performer.
He's low energy, but he commands the stage really for having low energy.
Sounds like his songs.
Yeah.
It's actually really impressive.
But that being said, you've never been to it live, so you wouldn't know.
Only I would know.
And he does travel with the full orchestra.
No, he doesn't.
Does he not?
I just Google it, yeah.
No, he doesn't.
Yes, he does.
He doesn't.
You don't have Google.
Nah.
They got trumpets, saxophones, trombones, bro.
You don't know.
That's him with the orchestra.
That's him every night.
Yeah.
Memph Bleak, Rock Nation Orchestra.
Yeah.
Jay-Z.
This guy.
Y'all don't know, dog.
Y'all really don't know what it's like, man.
Did you see any of the clips from Rolling Loud?
What I thought was really interesting is like the Lil Uzi Vert situation.
What happened?
So Lil Uzi Vert did Rock Nation said that they weren't streaming his live because you could watch Rolling Loud stream.
And I think that's all game.
I think that's all like building this mystique of Uzi.
Uzi is like mystique, right?
Like everything about him is like interesting.
Wait, is it a $20 million diamond on his forehead?
Is it not?
Is he out here doing shows?
Is he going to drop an album?
Like, does he have a Bugatti worth $3 million that he got fucking wrapped in some weird anime paint?
What is going on with this specific guy?
And then you find out, you know, from academics, he's selling 3,000 tickets, and that's it when he does shows because people aren't coming down for the shows.
So I think everything about Uzi is building this mystique.
Yeah.
And he's a spectacle.
It's a spectacle.
And he's a really interesting, like, an engaging guy because of it.
And he leans into it.
Is he straight?
Yes, he is a girl, but he leans into like the femme stuff at times.
Like, you're like, what the fuck is going on?
He'll pull up on another rapper with his goons and like they got guns and shit.
Like, what is this guy?
And I think this just lends itself to the mystique.
I don't think there's any rule with Rock Nation.
Like, we don't stream his music.
I think it's literally just, let's build mystique, get people talking about it.
And here we are fucking talking about it.
Oh, I thought it was a money situation.
Really?
I thought he just doesn't have like good relations with them.
And so they're just like, oh, fuck it.
We're not going to fuck with you.
And this is going to hurt you by not streaming.
Yeah.
Maybe, I mean, there's also like, doesn't Jay-Z put on a show?
What is his show?
Born in America or something?
Lil Uzi Vert Spectacle00:01:27
Made in America.
Made in America.
So maybe like I want to save my streaming thing for Made in America Philly.
You know, Uzi's from Philly.
Maybe something.
Oh, yeah, that would make sense.
Maybe.
That's like a big fucking deal.
Philly shuts down for a little bit.
Maybe they do like a big one and then he's one of the headliners and everybody goes crazy.
And if we starve them out now at Rolling Loud, start the conversation, then it'll be even bigger that he's actually going to be stripped.
Let's go to a school boy Q concert.
That's the takeaway.
Fuck the beats are fire.
Just get some headphones, man.
It was unbelievable.
I'm going to get high.
No, no, just listen instrumental.
You don't even know.
Do I say that?
I mean, I'm going to smoke CBD in that freeze pipe because my lungs otherwise hit that freeze pipe and then put on that goddamn school boy Q.
Yeah, I'm going to fucking concert.
Man of the year.
Man of the year.
Okay.
What else?
We Gucci?
Yeah, I think so.
All right, man.
Guys, thank you so much for listening to Flagrant 2.
I don't know if this is going in the beginning or the end of the episode, but we had an absolutely eventful episode.
We fucked with y'all.
We love y'all.
We'll see you on Patreon this Friday, patreon.com/slash flagrant2.
We got to get the fuck up out of here because we got to go to Robbie's wedding.
That's why we're dressed so elegantly.
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