Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect the "Zoom Jerkin" incident involving Jeffrey Toobin, mocking his firing from The New Yorker while debating Joe Biden's skepticism toward the Paris Accords. They analyze Nate Diaz's principled fight against Leon Edwards, contrast it with Jake Paul's career risks, and critique Boris Johnson's G7 stumble alongside Christian Eriksen's cardiac arrest. The hosts play "King or Cuck" to categorize global events, from Netanyahu's ouster to Chrissy Teigen's apology, ultimately arguing that authenticity in sports and media outweighs political correctness or financial gain. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Chris Cuomo vs Andrew Schultz00:13:57
I hold it and I reversed it straight away and I put him.
I got him like that.
You know what I'm talking about.
You know when you're at the very like that.
December 25th, Chris Cuomo versus Andrew Schultz.
Let's do it.
Yo, Crayon's Day.
And they didn't want the Tesla at all?
That's what they just want.
Because they saw I didn't have the auto job.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant Sue.
It's your boy Schultze.
I got Akash Singh, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, and a truffle in a building.
And there's a lot of things that I want to talk about.
I don't know if we should start with the fact that you can slap the president of France for four months in jail.
Seems worth it.
That's worth it, yo.
That's what the guy got.
The guy slapped the president of France in his fucking stupid face, and he's only going to jail for four months in France.
That's great.
French jail.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like a club med, I think.
Right?
Yeah, I don't even think it's real jail.
It's not Swedish.
I mean, Swedish jail, probably the best, or like Norwegian or something like that.
But France jail can't be that bad, right?
You're eating French food at the very least.
That's fine dining.
That's fine dining.
You're having way better food than you might have at your average fast food restaurant here in America.
Absolutely.
Four months, you have to learn French, learn French, come out.
You're just mopping up pussy all throughout Europe, the United States afterwards.
And you get to be the guy that slapped the shit out of the president of France.
This is not a study abroad.
This is a study abroad.
100%.
This is, I mean, I cannot fathom a better way to spend four months after slapping the shit out of a president.
Dude, that's great.
Especially if you train for it.
Like, you want to kind of come down.
Train?
Yeah.
There's no training.
Oh, you could train to slap.
Think about this.
Let's think about this.
How can she slap?
Even the way you said that right now sounds like it.
Why did it sound like it's just built in?
It's built in.
Here's the thing.
You could make, what'd they make?
A couple hundred thousand dollars, the YouTube versus TikToker guys.
Maybe they made a few million.
Who knows what the fuck they made, right?
The guy that slapped the shit out of the president of France, if he markets this, right?
Oh, millions.
Dude, first of all, he should have worn a glove.
Imagine you wore a glove, and that was the glove that slapped the shit out of the president of France.
NFT, now I'm back on NFTs.
Why are you slapping with the glove?
You slap him with the.
That's the most French way to do it.
You slowly take off the club.
Disrespect.
The purple dog is an extra disrespect.
They're fucking like that.
I'm just saying, don't you have to set a precedent?
It's almost like the justice system in France is like, please slap the shit out of our members of government.
We'd like to incentivize you to do that.
Maybe they don't like him.
Haven't they already had a revolution where they overthrew the fucking king and queen or whatever?
Didn't they behead a queen?
They beheaded the king.
They let them eat cake, bitch.
Louis.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You're thinking Marie Antoinette.
I don't know what happened to her.
Yeah.
Did she want people to eat off their head?
She's just an entitled cunt.
She don't sound that much different than like these snobby girls today, though.
She was like, there's no bread that the people came to.
There's no bread.
People are starving.
And then she goes, well, then let them eat cake.
Because that's what she does when there's no bread in her fridge that doesn't exist yet.
She says, well, I guess I'll have some cake to tie me over to the morning, you dumb twat.
The additional penalty on the four months was you can't run for office for five years because maybe they think that by doing that, he'll actually get super popular.
That is hilarious.
Oh, God.
I love this guy.
I got to find this guy.
This is kind of the same thing that happened with Eggboy.
Do you remember this?
Eggboy, the guy who smashed an egg on whose head?
The Australian Senator's.
That's right.
And the kid became like a legend.
Like, he was super famous.
In fairness, he smashed an egg on someone people didn't like.
Yes.
He was just a far-right senator.
But he became a legend.
I think he sold merch and shit.
Son.
Why are we trying to fight other social media celebrities?
I'm calling out sitting people in government currently right now.
The Cyclops from Texas.
What's his name?
Dan Crenshaw.
Dan Crenshaw.
July 4th, me and you.
Okay?
Let's do it.
We'll donate all the money to freedom.
Financial freedom for me.
Okay?
I'm coming, Dan Crenshaw.
Would that be fucked up?
No.
Why don't we challenge people in government?
100%.
Let's get a girl to fight AOC.
Taylor.
Let's get a girl to fight AOC.
AOC would be a fucking shit.
Son, Taylor versus A. Fuck Taylor versus AOC.
What's the shorty that could probably beat me up, the rapper?
Oh, yeah.
Young MA.
Young MA versus AOC.
Oh, damn.
Oh, bro.
That's not even fair fight, bro.
Yeah, you just get it.
Why, why, why?
Because I was thinking like a nice little sexy fight and shit like that.
Listen, are in the fight.
It's going to be fire.
I'm going to got enough heavies from both of them.
I don't want Young MA's shirt coming off.
Young MA might also have heavies, bro.
Yo, she might have sneak heavies that we would never talk about.
No disrespect, Yum MA.
You know what I'm saying?
No disrespect at all.
Because I know you rode the shooters.
We already have enough fucking shootings in this neighborhood.
We'll get to that in a second.
We couldn't get to work today, everybody, because there was a murder out there.
New York is back.
It's back, baby.
Al got to work early when you think about it.
Oh, wait.
Yo, Al.
Your wife snitches, huh?
What you doing, I refuse to be late.
One more time, Romark.
Clap, clap, motherfucker.
Didn't Al show up in his least threatening outfit possible?
No, he should have been a gay uniform.
The guy's literally wearing a bunch of Paisleys, bro.
How he got shit with glasses in the hands.
That's the GD.
You're a GD, right?
Yo, chill out.
Yo, isn't that a thing?
That's the thing.
GDs.
Good dick.
Go through the good dick.
Yo, but Al could have been the one who did the murder.
And because of the murder, this is the best part.
Dove's car was parked on the street that he was trying to sell to Akash, right?
And Akash is trembling about the decision.
He's back and forth.
He doesn't know if he's actually going to do is a little bit of a seesaw.
And all he needed is one reason not to get the car.
And now Akash can't get his new Tesla from Dove because it's part of a murder investigation.
I showed him that.
What the door, Dove.
You want to know the craziest thing that Dove doesn't want to share, but I'm going to share it.
I'll share it.
All right, go.
Oh, will you?
Because I didn't get a text under 25 miles in your Tesla.
Certain things shut off, like low power mode.
Right.
Right?
And Dove delivers the car with under 25 miles.
You know what shuts off?
The camera that just films shit around the block.
So Dove could have solved a murder.
Well, we don't snitch here at Flagrant, but also.
I'll snitch.
I'll snitch.
That's the car snitching.
I'll snitch.
That's all Elon though.
That Tesla stock would really skyrocket.
That is true.
That is true.
Okay.
But back so we don't get off on this.
You can beat up a government official and only get four months.
Well, not beat up, but slap one in the fucking mouth.
I think if you punch, it's like two years, probably.
Two years.
Okay, but yo, slap is more disrespectful.
I was watching Nate Diaz fight.
I was like, yo, this is so much cooler.
So much.
And I want to get into the Nate and all that stuff.
But we're trying to fight other social media celebrities.
That's the kind of wild thing to do.
You make a bunch of money.
You got to pick the person that you fight specifically.
Like, people keep going now.
They're like, oh, Schultz, who are you going to fight?
You're going to fight.
I'm not fighting anybody.
There's one guy I would fight.
Dan Crenshaw.
Outside of Dan Crenshaw and any other politician.
I'll literally fight any politician.
Yo, Jesse the body ventura got to get back into politics because I want all the smoke.
Arnold?
You want Arnold?
I would fight Arnold now.
I would fight Arnold now.
He got bad ticker.
I'm punching him right in his chest like Iron Man.
I'll punch him right in his fucking chest.
What about the guy who's doing P90X?
Ryan?
Something.
Who?
Fuck it.
He was a young politician.
He's out now, but Ryan something.
The gay guy?
Yeah, he looked a little gayish.
The one that they got out of here because he was gay.
He redecorated his office.
Wait, what?
Yeah, he like re-elected.
I know he was actually.
Oh, like he diverted.
He had rumors of being gay, right?
There were rumors bubbling about it.
And it just so happened that he redirected funds for his campaign, like $40,000 to redecorate his office.
Wait, Paul Ryan?
Paul Ryan.
Is that it?
Paul Ryan.
He was gay.
They got him out of here because they were about to come out with it.
Come on, son.
Look at the dude.
He redecorated his office.
No, not that.
Isn't that the gayest shit?
He looked like one of those dudes you was watching early on TikTok that just smiled at the fucking colour.
Come here, let me start on TikTok.
Paul Ryan says he says gay marriage is not an American human value.
No, not that.
Paul Ryan, Paul Ryan.
That's the super gay.
Wait, what?
That's not Paul Ryan.
It's somebody else.
It's like a leader in the government.
He's the leader of the Republican Party that got the tax shit.
Like his whole thing in government was to lower taxes for major corporations.
He got it done.
He's like, I'm tapping out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He did his time.
Paul Ryan was a little bit more than a bit more than a young guy.
He was a young congressman.
Yeah, no, it was a young congressman.
Yeah.
Put red velvet panels on his wall.
Yeah.
Like, come on, bro.
You got a pimp and you got red velvet and anything.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
You even know that.
Yeah, I knew that shit, too.
Nah, you didn't know what color, though.
I didn't know what color, but I knew he did some kind of shit.
He was doing like some like old.
What's that movie that Bob Kidman was in?
Who?
Eyes Wide Shut.
No, no, no.
The other one with bitches dance sexy.
They're like sluts before.
Mulan Rouge.
Mulan Rouge.
This shit looked like Mulan Rouge.
That's what they were saying in Congress that his office looked like Mulan Rouge.
And it's like, you got to be gay.
That's it.
I think that's the rap.
Itchy, itchy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, hey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We were all waiting for someone to take it.
I'm not done with her.
I'm right now.
He knew the lady mom.
Yeah, you would know that shit.
Christina Aguilera.
Shout out to the GOAT.
The GOAT got fake titties and the rest of her body matched within like two months.
She was like, fuck it.
We fat now.
You know what I mean?
You could have just done it the old-fashioned way off rip, though.
Why get the fake titties then gain weight?
You just gain the way she didn't get heavies.
But because I do think that that's what happens is like, like when you get like dudes who get money, they start to get fat.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, I get it.
Like, you don't need to look good no more.
Nope.
You know what I'm saying?
Ah, so you're saying when she got the heavies.
She got the heavies.
Like, there's so much attention coming your way because you got the heavies.
So you start to get a little loose around the belly.
If you got a belly and no titties, like girls with no titties and a belly look crazy.
Yeah, crazy.
You look like one of them pigs from Animal Farm when they started walking on the hind legs.
You know what I'm saying?
You can't be looking like a little pig from Animal Farm walking on the hind legs.
This lady got a dad body.
This doesn't even make no sense.
She looked like a dad.
Right?
Like, it's crazy.
It's a little bit crazy.
Dude, this sounds wild.
We're starting the podcast a little while, but Lizzo was out here talking about his big girl summer, right?
Titties look like two pieces of French toast.
She don't eat her own shit.
Yo, who are we fighting, bro?
Who we fighting in government?
Who we fighting in government?
Who wants to smoke?
I'm back to the TikTokers.
We're fighting government people.
Government, if we fight something, yo, Gavin Newsome, I want it.
Gavin Newsome, I want it.
You don't think that that would be like he might fuck me up?
Yeah, he looked like he'd be in a gym.
He's L.A. and all that type of shit.
Probably eating.
Oh, yeah.
Are you ready, son?
I know he can't relate to this, but Gavin, we outside.
Oh, okay?
We outside.
Catching bodies out here.
You know what time it is?
Hop up off your vineyard real quick, son.
I'm just saying, we got to take it to the next level.
Social media starts fighting each other.
We got to fight sitting politicians.
Sitting politicians or billionaires.
I fight Elon Musk.
Okay.
I'll fuck Elon Musk up.
I'll fuck Jeff Bezos up.
Warren Buffett could get elbowed in his dome.
Yo, Warren Buffett can get Warren Buffett take one sip of Diet Coke.
Boom!
We're going to put the Diet Coke, Warren.
You know, I must have fucked you up.
You say what?
You know, I must have fucked you up.
Nah, paint, come on.
Nah, he come out with an Iron Man suit or something shit.
You're not ready for that.
You're not ready for it, bro.
That would be super fat.
He came out.
He got a little watch on him.
Like, yo, why you got your watch on?
We're about to fight.
This nigga's a rap for you, bro.
Wait, so you say auto health?
You would fight any politician.
Any politician.
Any politician?
Mark got one.
Mark got one, bro.
Well, you know, I do a horse fight with Putin.
We're both on horseback.
I'll do a joust.
I do it with dicks.
I do a dick joust on horseback with Putin if he wants me.
My money is Putin.
Spaceba, bro.
And you know what?
I'll ride the horse backwards ass first.
Pack it up.
You know what I'm saying?
Getty up, Vlad.
Get him.
Probably came in.
Good time.
We out here partying.
TikTok that.
Okay?
Fuck a TikTok.
All right, well, name another positive.
There's a famous Filipino politician.
That what?
Oh, shit.
Manny Pacquiao?
His name is Manny Pacquiao.
Son, I ain't fighting no foreign third world politician where you also got to be good at fighting.
That's how you know shit is still real in the third world, where their politicians actually throw the fuck down.
You got to be ready, yo.
Anytime.
Hey, you slamming Pacquiao, you're not getting no four months.
Yo, ain't nobody slapping Manny Pac.
Ain't nobody slapping Manny Pac.
Philippines is the next superpower.
Fuck Macron?
Come on.
Come on, son.
I got no respect for that man anymore.
Shave my testicles, shout some manscape.
I was like, no, no, no.
Let it make sense.
After you make money off of it.
After you get slapped in your mouth by just a regular civilian, right?
After a regular civilian slaps you in your mouth, you got to trim my testicles, shout some manscape.
That's what you relegated to doing from now on in your political career.
Oh, you thought you were making laws today?
Fighting Foreign Politicians00:09:23
No.
You shaving balls today, my friend.
That's what you're doing.
That's your pun.
You want punishment.
That's your punishment.
Yo, you get.
You get four months.
I'm going to get four months of growth and you're going to shave it back.
That's what we're going to do out here.
Okay?
Mr. Macron.
You know what I mean?
Yo, we're being disrespectful today.
We're being disrespectful today because there's not enough respect put on the game.
There's really not.
They showed me what these TikTokers are famous for, and by that I mean Duff.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because we need to make sure your dicks are hard.
All right.
Some of y'all are fathers.
Okay?
And you might not need to be a father again.
You might need to be a father again.
And if you're not a father again, you might need to just deliver that dick like she wants you to be one.
Okay.
And you're going to do that with the chew.
That's blue chew.
This is a no-brainer.
You deliver the best dick of your life.
And you know what?
You about to get some head on Father's Day.
And why better?
What is a better situation for you if you are a dad than getting that top where you rocked up and you have full control of when that nut comes out?
Make her go to work.
And ladies, don't you want your man to drop the dick off wonderful on Father's Day as well?
Don't you deserve that as a present too?
This is a present both of y'all can enjoy.
Get your man some blue chew for Father's Day.
Bluechew.com.
Make sure you use the promo code Flagrant and you're going to get it for free.
All you got to do is pay $5 shipping.
$5 shipping for the greatest dick of your life.
This is a no-brainer.
Go knock them boots.
Go knock it out.
Go do the chew.
Bluechew.com promo code flagrant.
Go do it.
It's the only one that we use, baby.
Same active ingredients.
It's inside Viagra, Cialis, and all the other ones.
You go do it and tell us how great it was.
Now let's get back to it.
I thought that they do the dances, but they're also content creators.
Like they do clever things.
I've seen people do shit on TikTok.
Super clever.
I saw this bitch find a way to get melted butter into the middle of the popcorn.
Whoa.
Oh, with the straw?
With the straw.
This shit was genius.
Put me on.
Son.
Hey, no, Okay.
It's kind of fire, right?
So here's your popcorn.
Imagine the shit is mad big.
It's a bucket, right?
You got it full, right?
We out.
You only put this shit on the top.
You get to the middle of the popcorn.
You cut the hole as fuck.
You got to come and put your dick in.
Cut the hole at the bottom, fuck the shit up, popcorn, and then it's a different type of butter.
There we go.
Nah.
But what she did is she put butter on the top of popcorn, then took a straw, shoved the straw to the middle of the popcorn, and then squeezed the butter.
The butter comes out, goes into the straw.
Now it starts getting to the middle.
Push the straw further down, now it's at the bottom.
You got the butter mixed throughout.
That's kind of wow.
Shorty was brilliant.
Yeah.
So I'm just like, okay, you can learn through shit on TikToks.
There was another thing I learned.
I forgot it.
Oh, you learned how to do music on the video?
What was that?
Oh, I learned how to do music on the video.
We could save so much time with fashion, bro.
If you play, if you play a song on your phone, right?
You play a song on your phone, and then you go to this shit right here.
You go to your camera app, and you just take that dot and slide that bitch over.
Now it's playing with whatever sound is going on in the background.
Oh, word.
Yes.
There you go.
There you go.
Yes.
Volla, you're fire.
Volla.
We figured out how to do some camera shit.
No, I was joking about it.
But, but look, you can learn some shit.
I didn't realize these motherfuckers are dancing with their shirt off.
That's all they do.
Yeah.
That's Chippendales.
Bro.
I'm Chippendales.
I can't respect anything less.
Come on, bro.
Dude, Thirst Trap.
Come on, bro.
You should have talent in your life.
Son, dude, Thirst Trap.
You should have talent as a man.
That's just what the fuck you do.
That's bare.
And who are these girls that are allowing dudes with no talent to get up their rocks off?
If you're a dude with no talent, like all of them.
Why do you think this is new?
Say what?
Why do you feel like this is new?
So, you know, how hard I had to work to get pussy, bro.
Yeah, you.
Me.
That's insulting.
What you trying to say?
Me too.
I'm saying, when you're Bryce Hall, you don't got to do that shit.
I said that sarcastic.
I said that shit sarcastically, Mark.
Motherfucker took me serious.
I said it sarcastic.
I still want to know what you're getting at.
I'm saying, if you're Bryce Hall, you take a turn off.
He hooked up at one girl's whole life.
And he used God as the alley you.
Motherfucker never got pussy in his life.
You don't allow to get no pussy.
Yo, don't you believe in Jesus?
Me too.
Should we get married?
Yes.
That's unfair.
You didn't do that.
You were like that.
Yeah, you touched the court.
God already got you getting on your knees.
It's all easy from there.
That's it.
You met her already.
That's what I'm saying.
That's half a proposal right there.
There you go.
That's easy.
That's it.
You already know.
I'm against this.
Men should have to work hard to get laid.
Nah, be Christian.
Say what?
Be Christian, bro.
Men should have to work hard to have sex with multiple women.
Yeah, okay.
One woman, no, but you should have to work hard to have sex with multiple women.
That's how it works.
You got to have a talent.
That's your talent.
You got to be funny.
You have to be charming.
You have to know how to fake interests.
You need to know how to not listen to the first 30 seconds of a story and then lock in midway.
Tie your ass.
Son, that's amazing.
I used to see how far I could go.
I used to see how far I could go.
Girl, just start telling me a story.
I'd be like, all right, I'm not listening.
And I just keep staring at her, not listening.
And I look at my watch and be like, I've been 40 seconds.
Hi.
Where we at, bitch?
Where we at?
All right.
So you and Jessica spend some time in Italy.
All right.
Okay.
Okay.
We're in Italy.
We traveled across the world while I was zoned out.
You know what I'm saying?
Look at this.
You just go autopilot saying like the last three words at the end of the sentence.
This is a Chris Voss.
That's a CIA dude's technique.
If you need to stall it, just repeat the last three words that somebody said.
You know, yes, we're in Italy and we're eating focaccia for like three weeks.
For three weeks?
Yeah, I gained so much weight.
I got so fat.
You got so fat?
Yeah, that's it.
Keep going, call, go.
Push that motherfucking rock up the hill, yo.
At the end of the convo, you're such a good listener.
I'm like, yeah, I know.
You ever tried to say some shit?
And then they're like, yeah, I talked about that like 40 seconds ago.
Where the fuck are you?
And you're like, huh?
You got caught?
I've been caught in my life for sure.
Oh, shit.
Come on.
I'll be getting caught and then I literally just throw my hands up.
I'm like, yeah.
Only time I'm caught is when I agree to some shit.
I don't even know what the fuck they were saying.
Like, if my girl says some shit, I'd be like, yeah, that sounds good.
And then I realize I'm scrolling my phone.
I'm like, what the fuck do I ever say for you, yo?
Yeah, because that's the thing.
In a relationship, you don't have an attorney.
Like, in a relationship, you can't just call it up, be like, yo, can you read over this proposition?
Like, you just agree.
You need to build a plans.
You're agreing the plans.
And then three weeks later, you're at the fucking Rose Garden.
You're like, what the hell am I doing here?
I need my attorney.
I got fucked.
You're like new addition and she's the manager.
Yeah.
Here's a deal.
Take it.
Okay.
I'll sign wherever.
I don't care.
That is true.
That is true.
We're like some young high school kid that got dreams of being a musician.
Yeah, dog.
You know what I mean?
Keep that shit up.
You end up with the Van Gogh exhibit.
You know what I'm saying?
That's how it works.
Looking at Van Gogh.
Why?
And they got Van Gogh's quote.
This is what pissed me off about this shit.
The motherfucker painted his ass off.
But they got his quotes around the whole exhibit.
They got his quotes.
Like, I was supposed to take advice from this guy that chopped his fucking ear off and then killed himself.
I don't need your inspiration, motherfucker.
Just paint the paintings.
Keep that shit up.
One of them said, like, what would life be without the courage to do the things you're afraid of?
You cut your ear off.
Be less courageous.
Right?
He old-time Kanye.
You good at your art, but shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up.
You're clearly crazy, dog.
You wife of it.
You cutting off your own fucking ear mid-argument.
Like, what is this?
And sending it to a bitch.
Yo, wild.
That is wild.
That's some Kanye behavior.
That is.
That's really going the lengths of not have to listen to a bitch.
Yo, here's this ear.
Just tell all the shit you got to say to the ear before we meet up later.
Because I'm getting caught up fake listening for 40 seconds and then coming back.
Bitch, I got painted some paint.
I ain't got time to listen.
So I gave you my fucking ear so you could talk to that shit.
Because clearly, you don't care if I listen or not.
I just take it back.
This guy's a genius.
Yo, genius.
He just inspired me, yo.
He literally just inspired me.
That's absolutely amazing.
This week, we all come in with one fucking ear mad peaceful, though.
Yo, 100%.
We've been copying.
We've been copying Van Gogh the whole time.
I got an extra credit card, so I don't got to see you swiping my whole shit.
I'm just leave this over here.
You swiping my fucking swipe.
Fucking Van Gogh's genius.
No, you're right, dog.
I'm going to the exhibit now.
You got to go to the exhibit.
Son, yo, it's so funny to go to the exhibit.
Make eye contact with other motherfuckers there with their girl because their girl wanted to go.
Oh, yeah.
It's like being a dad at a Justin Bieber concert.
Yeah, yeah.
More like being in Shawshank.
You ever seen two dogs looking at each other through the windows in an apartment building?
That's what I felt like.
I felt like my golden dude was staring out the window, like, how long we gotta be inside.
Copying Van Gogh's Genius00:14:35
You think they're gonna walk us later?
Why are you golden dude blacks?
I'm trying to make it southern.
Yeah, that one was southern.
Why is it southern?
Yeah, why is southern?
He's just dumb.
I was talking to Are You Garbage Guys?
I'm like, yo, is the Pennsylvania accent the new dumb white people accent?
Yeah, it's gotta be right.
Like, it was like Boston for a minute.
It used to be Southern.
Yeah.
And then it went to Boston.
Like, my hat, like the kind of like pseudo-racist, like working-class whites.
Now, I'm gonna get a hoogie and a hoogie.
I was watching the mayor of East Ham.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, so back to fighting politicians.
You think that this is a good idea?
Fighting public, sir.
You gotta take me back to the bank.
You gotta think of who would fight you, though.
Dan, Dan Patrick, whatever his name is.
I think he'd fight you.
Dan Patrick?
That guy from Texas?
He's another Texan guy.
He's a fan of the family.
I thought Dan Patrick was a sports center.
Same, same name, I'm pretty sure.
Can you go to Dan Patrick, Texas politicians?
Let's make sure I'm not an asshole.
I'm pretty sure he's one of these other, like, pretty all-right type people.
What's the guy that we say look like?
You can call him out from being a pussy if he don't fight you.
Because he, you know, a Texas bandmaster.
Dan Patrick is 71 years old, bro.
You can get it.
Yeah, you can get it.
Mitt Romney.
I'll fight Mitt Romney.
Mitt Romney's not going to fight you.
Oh.
He's a mormon.
Oh, okay.
He's not going to do it.
What about Peter Bulware?
What's that about?
He was a professional football player, linebacker in the NFL, six foot four, 250.
He was good, dude.
He was good.
Peter Bulware, B-O-U-L, right?
Yeah, yeah, he played for the Ravens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think he was part of that historically good defense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So now, so now he's involved in politics.
He's like, is he white or black?
He's black.
He's black as hell.
And Florida State House is a member of the Republican Party.
And he's a Republican.
Nah, I ain't fighting black Republicans, bro.
They want all the smoke.
They're not even the least bit worried.
He's on the Florida Board of Education.
Say what?
He's on the Florida Board of Education.
Nah, nah, nah.
I'm not fighting you.
I'm not fighting you.
We got to find other, like, you know, legacy politicians.
Cuomo.
Hey, the CNN.
He's the only motherfuckers I would fight.
What is it?
Chris Cuomo.
I fight Chris Cuomo.
Word?
Son, I knock out that fucking sauce moon gun.
He got a new stop.
Cuomo got the body.
You made me take Andrew.
Chris will fuck you up.
Nah, nah.
I'd fuck up Andrew Cuomo too, but I'd fuck up Chris Cuomo.
Oh, no, bro.
He got knocked the fucking Portellini out of that guy's head.
Are you kidding me?
Hey, ain't no tortellini in that body, bro.
Yeah, no cars.
No cars, bro.
My man is Keith Toby.
You don't think I fuck up Chris Cuomo?
I mean, I think he's CNN.
CNN, Chris Cuomo?
He's jacked.
My man is Jack.
So what he's jacked.
He gets slapped the fuck up.
Yo, he's going to get that stocked slap.
He would respond too.
Yo, Chris Cuomo, you can get fucked up.
Nah, nah.
You can get fucked up.
Real talk.
He wants to be.
Yo, real talk.
Fight me.
Fight me or your brother killed mad old people.
Wow.
Yo, fight me or your brother killed mad old people.
Simple as that.
I mean, one of those things already happened.
Well, fight, and you could donate the money to the families of old people you guys killed.
This is who he's getting us started with.
Let me see.
Son.
My man got the fucking guns, dog.
You don't think I can fuck up?
That's why you live in New York.
He don't need no guns.
He's walking around like that.
But say what?
You don't need no guns.
He's in New York.
He walk around like that.
Yeah, he gets fucked up.
Muscles, that's light work.
I'll fuck up Muscles, man.
You was doing a real good job with wax the other day.
I was until he came at me.
Once he comes at me, it changes shit a little bit, but I'll fuck him up.
Bro, that's it.
I'm just saying, I can't be fighting no fucking YouTube or TikToker.
You know what I'm saying?
I need motherfuckers that are part of the fabric.
Why can't you fight a TikToker?
Yeah.
You don't like him anyway.
He wants institutional change, bro.
I want institutional change.
Like, I can only, the only people I would fight are politicians or media personnel.
Like, I'd fight, I'd fight Portnoy.
I want to see that.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up.
Nah, I'm just saying.
Stop right there.
Portnoy gonna have you fucking docking hook like this fucking running back.
I don't know if that's who you want.
I'm gonna fucking with that.
The toughest thing about fighting him is that I think he's dope.
I'm not angry at him.
You know what I mean?
Like, I like what he does.
I think he's fucking hilarious, so it'd be tough.
That type of personality would be a like money-gathering fight.
Like, for example, like Tucker Carlson would be the perfect person to fight.
Oh, if you're like, if you're some like super liberal dude, like, I'm trying to think, like, who's a Jon Stewart's got to run it back?
Like, Jon Stewart, bro, because they already have Tucker.
They already have the beat.
Come on, son.
That'll be good.
That'll be good.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, we got to get into fight promotion.
Let's just start making pairs.
Ben Shapiro, you can't see him fighting some of Yamaka popping off his head every uppercut.
Him and Don Lemon Ben in there.
Like a rock and sock.
But he got to have the Yamako in the rubber band so that shit popping and come right back.
Remember the character you had in Mike Tyson's punch out that little white guy?
Yeah.
Make him skinny and put a Yonk Miyama.
What's his name?
Mick?
Yeah, maybe it was Mick.
Yeah.
Yeah, that'd be fire.
Nah, Ben Shapiro, who do we get to fight, Ben?
Don Lemon.
A-O-C.
You had Don Lemon before.
Ooh, Don Lemon.
Oh, shit.
Don Lemon versus Tucker Carlson.
That fight would be crazy.
That fight breaks the battle.
Everybody wins.
I hope they beat the shit out of each other.
No, I think we're at a point where there's just so much talking.
The reason why fighting is so beautiful is because it ends it, right?
Like, everything is a debate.
Everything is a conversation, and both sides think they won, right?
Like, the left goes, oh, yeah, he just bodied him in this debate.
Then the right goes, oh, my God, no, Tucker destroyed him.
And then it's, nobody has a clear winner, right?
There's all these like decisions goes to the judges.
The beautiful thing about a fight is it solves it.
At the end of the fight, for most fights, you cannot deny that your guy lost, especially if it's TKO or knockout.
It's just fucking over.
And I think as a society, we're getting to this point where like, enough.
Enough of this bickering.
I mean.
What do you mean?
Fucking Paul brother lost it.
You still capping for this brother?
Oh, he won.
He still stayed in the ring with a professional.
Let me give you a perfect example of when you could win after you lose.
Nate Diaz.
That's a good one.
That's true.
And I'm not capping for him, right?
Nate Diaz.
The reason why he won after he lost is because his stock didn't go down after a loss.
Your stock's supposed to go down a little bit.
And he lost most of those rounds.
The last round, he almost knocked his ass out.
And Nate Diaz almost knocked Leon Edwards out.
We're talking about the UFC fight this weekend.
But there's a perfect example where that's just the realest motherfucker gets his ass kicked for most of the fight.
Last round almost knocks the motherfucker out and finishes his ass.
And it's like, that's what we want from Nate Diaz.
And to be honest, I hit Jake Paul after watching that fight.
And I was like, you got to fight Nate Diaz.
That Tyron Woodley fight?
Yeah.
Cool.
Do it if you want.
I don't care.
Y'all care?
Nope.
Nope.
I thought I cared.
I don't.
No, I don't care.
God bless Tyron.
He's a sweet guy, and he was a fucking UFC champion, but he doesn't have that gravity, right?
Like, I don't, I'm not like, what is Tyron doing today?
What's going on in his life?
Like, Ben Askren had that gravity.
There's something about Ben.
You're just curious about his life.
He's good at shit talk.
He's great at shit talk.
I didn't really care, but then when I saw him shit talking Jake at the press conference, I was like, this is good.
This is fucking good.
There's something about him.
You're just drawn to him.
Nate has that.
That raw, pure authenticity.
Oh, yeah.
And you're just like, I need to see this motherfucker.
That fight, Jake Paul versus Nate Diaz, is the biggest fight in fight sports right now.
I mean, maybe if McGregor gets involved in some way.
Oh, if McGregor gets involved, that's it.
That's it.
But I'm telling you, Nate Diaz versus Jake Paul.
Boxing match would be through the fucking roof.
One and a half million minimum.
One and a half million minimum.
I mean, I canceled a Tyron Woodley fight.
Cancel him.
Pay Tyron off.
Here's whatever you were going to make in a fight.
You got your money.
Nate, let's go.
When you're healed up, let's fucking go.
That fight would be unbelievable.
You have the villain and you have the anti-hero, but now we get to root for the anti-hero.
It's like a fucking Ocean's 11 movie.
Yeah.
It's like the good guys aren't even that good.
Right.
That's right.
But Jake is so compared to the bad guy.
Yes.
Yeah.
And Jake knows he's fucking hated and he's leaning into it and he gets to be hated against the guy that everybody wants to like for being bad.
I'm going to teach him a lesson from the streets.
I mean, that is a build-up.
Yeah.
Who wins that fight, you think?
I think if it's a boxing match, Nate wins.
I mean, Nate's been boxing with some of the best, like, a sparring partner with some of the best boxers in the game.
But I think that you could sell it.
Oh, yeah.
I think you sell it.
But that was too, but that was, wait, what were we just saying?
You were calling me out.
Oh, just rightfully so, but you were calling me out.
Like, fighting determines who like wins.
It shuts the argument up.
Yes.
And I don't think anybody thought that Logan beat Floyd, but the expectation of what was going to happen, he beat.
You beat the expectation.
Exactly.
As long as you beat your expectation, and maybe that's what happened with Nate.
People are like, yo, Leon Edwards is going to just destroy this guy.
And then it went five rounds.
And in the fifth round, Nate almost finished him in the last minute.
So you beat your expectation, you win.
In a weird way.
You see what I'm saying?
And I would only talk about define wins as TK or KO.
Everything else up to the scorecards is a debate.
Yeah, the debate will still happen, but you get a lot of that shit out.
Like, how much are we going to keep fighting, arguing after we fought?
You can't still talk shit to me.
I'm tired, bro.
You're tired.
You saw what I did to you.
Yeah, we got it all out.
Even if it's like close and you don't know who won, we got it all out.
It'll calm down the arguing because it's like, hey, we did this.
Do we want to do this again?
Yep.
We already did this.
Yes.
I'm tired.
You're tired, right?
This is how we get the purge, bro.
I'm telling you.
This is how it starts.
We slowly move towards the purge.
We're going to be at the purge.
Within two decades, there'll be a purge.
Nah, but purge is too much.
There'll be a purge.
It starts like this.
Let's just have people fight one another and it'll be one day of fighting.
I think in some South American country, there's like a small town.
Somebody look this up if you can.
Where one day a year, they settle their disagreements through fist fights.
Oh, I do.
Fistfights is fine.
I think that is it.
But the per if it's more than one, like we just went fucked up one dude, we're not getting anything out.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
But if you fight one-on-one, you're both getting all your shit out.
And then it's done.
But you know, people got too much pride.
They don't want to lose a fight.
So immediately, guns are being pulled out.
If we had a purge day, that's why we're purging.
In South America, they can't.
They're beating each other with bamboo or something like that.
Whatever they have in South Africa.
Fist only.
Say what?
Takanakua.
In Peru.
In Peru.
Yeah.
Fists only.
It's a fist fight.
Bitches are fighting.
You just settle all the scores and then move on to the new year.
It's beautiful.
Public brawl.
Public brawl.
It offers an alternative method to resolve conflict.
That's it.
Let's get it out the way, son.
Let's get it out of the way.
You don't want to know when they do it?
Wait.
December 25th.
Yeah.
No.
Wow.
That's right.
That's right.
Shout out to the J-Man.
No, everyone's off work.
We got our whole family here.
Like, let's do it.
It's nothing to do with Jesus.
Like, yo, we off.
Like, we ain't got shit to do.
It's Christmas.
We won't get these presents.
Real talk.
Morning and night.
I don't know.
Whole day.
All day, bro.
Hold you.
Open Christmas presents and get your ass kicked.
Come on, y'all.
I think we're on to something.
I think we'll be at the purge.
We're American.
We always take shit next level.
Motherfucker get regular tattoos on their arm.
We get that shit in the face.
You know what I'm saying?
Somebody get a tongue ring.
We got to split the tongue in half.
We always take it to the next level.
We'll be at a purge within two decades because that's how we'll need to handle shit.
And low-key, purge is kind of pussy if you're using weapons.
The beauty of a fight is this is me and you.
It has to be fists.
I'm telling you.
Fists.
Then you get it out.
Then you're letting all like if you're just shooting somebody, you're not getting like you're getting anger out, but you're not tired.
If you fight somebody, you're fucking tired.
That's right.
I got all my emotion out of me.
You still got a hug afterwards.
Yeah, usually you got a hug afterwards.
People just need to get punched in the face more often, you think.
I've been told that about me many times.
Yup.
Yup, 100%.
I think a good punch in the face or just understanding their repercussions for actions.
You know what I mean?
It's a lot of talk, but then there's no due.
And I think as a society, you get annoyed with no due.
Every once in a while, you need to see some do.
Why are we watching people who do this for a living fight?
Why?
Like, that is what they do for a living and probably make millions of dollars, which is absolutely absurd.
I don't mind seeing that guy get his ass kicked, though.
Exactly.
Once I watch his TikToks, now I want to see him lose that fight.
You're going to think that everybody watching that was happy as long as one side or the other got beaten?
Like, nobody was rooting for anybody but pain.
Yeah.
Like, you're sitting down barely scraping enough pennies from your fucking stimulus check to pay for this pay-per-view just so you could see these motherfuckers that make millions of dollars doing that hurt and bleed.
Yeah.
Satisfaction.
Fire.
No matter who gets hurt, you feel good.
No, yeah.
This is amazing.
We need to fight politicians.
Who's going to take on Biden?
Who gonna take on Biden?
Biden.
Biden.
I'm not going to fight Biden, but I'll do a five saltines in under a minute challenge with him.
I will eat five saltines in under a minute challenge with Joe Biden, President of Joe Biden.
That might be elder abuse, bro.
You think that's abuse?
I think it's elder abuse.
Just seeing him.
Yeah.
Seeing him fight through that.
I don't know.
Cuomo might just put him in a nursing home and kill him or something.
Yo, that could fucking happen.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
Yo, do we have to call out the Cuomos real talk?
I think you did.
Yeah, you kind of did that already.
I think you pointed at the camera.
How tall is he, yo, really?
How tall is that motherfucker?
We need to learn about that shit.
Oh, real quick.
I have the follow-up to the Jake Paul Nate DS fight if they fight.
Yeah, he's 6'2.
If Jake.
6'2.
6'2, 195 pounds.
Biden Saltine Challenge00:13:06
Fucking you up.
I knocked that motherfucker off.
Fuck that.
I knocked that out.
No way he's 6'2.
I'll knock him on his motherfucking ass, bro.
Chris Cuomo's 6'2.
He's gonna fuck you up.
He gonna fuck you up, bro.
Let's go.
I want all the smoke.
This is what he could come get.
Yeah, he gotta fuck you like a bitch, y'all.
Yeah, that might happen.
That might happen.
Whatever.
Ain't it gay prime month?
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, gay prime month.
Let's make it happen.
Oh, son.
You can have a break on your hands, all right.
I don't care.
He really gonna buy you.
You think?
Yeah.
Boxing or like fight, just boxing, Bare knuckles.
Boxing.
He was going around pushing a motherfucker.
No, that's crazy, bro.
You can't be going around punching people.
That's crazy.
I mean, you just said the purge.
Yeah, but the purge is like, yo, let's knuckle up.
You know what I mean?
You can't be waiting for the bus and someone punches you.
That's nuts.
Yeah, but this is what we do.
Just knuckle up.
Because that's pussy.
If you wrestle in the purge, that's fine.
That's part of the rules.
I ain't wrestling no motherfucker who cares about Pride Month this much.
I might wrestle him, you know, July 1st when he's assholes all done.
No more coming as balls.
You know what I mean?
When he's done celebrating, maybe I'll wrestle him.
But I'm not going to wrestle him in the middle of June.
Hey, no, December 25th, Chris Cuomo versus Andrew Schultz.
Let's do it.
Yo, Christmas Day?
Christmas Day.
Christmas Day.
Hey, I'm not against it, bro.
I'm only going after politicians or media personalities, bro.
Who else?
That's the one.
Who else is there?
Who else is there, yo?
Call him out.
Leanne McInaney?
Whatever that bitch name?
Kaylee McKay?
Whatever that bitch name is, bro.
She'll get it.
Say what?
She'll get it.
I ain't going to fight her.
Oh, no.
Who's that?
Marjorie?
Marjorie Crossfit Marjorie Taylor Greene?
That CrossFit bitch.
Tulsi Gabbard?
No, but how about Marjorie Taylor Greene?
What about it?
How about I take her and Tulsi Gabbard and we go to the telly for an hour?
You know what I'm saying?
I bring the gloves.
You bring that scissors.
All right, guys, we're going to pay some bills for a second.
We'll be right back.
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Now let's get back to this shit.
All right, we back.
We back.
Back.
Yo, real talk.
First of all, Nate Diaz is the reals motherfucker, yo.
Why?
He calls out the best guy in the division, arguably, right?
The best challenger in the division, Leon Edwards, right?
Fights that motherfucker.
He don't have to.
He could fight some bum, beat his ass.
We're going to go cheer and then build up his couple wins and then fight Kumaru.
But he's like, I want to fight the best motherfucker in the division, right?
The guy nobody wants to fight.
Fights him.
And then after the fight, says to him, This is what Leon is saying, Nate said.
Nate told me after the fight, don't let these motherfuckers tell you you ain't shit.
Name your price or they will name it for you.
That's great.
That's great.
What a guy.
What a guy, dude.
What a guy.
I love him.
I love him.
I just fucking love him.
I don't know what it is.
It's like, there's a difference between being principled and being authentic.
Like, principled is you are going to act according to these rules, even if you don't feel like those rules are right or wrong.
Which I respect.
I respect that too, as long as I like the principles.
Right, right, right.
You know what I mean?
There's some principles, and I'm like, yeah, that's a little crazy.
But if I fuck with the principles, I admire the fact that you can rock with it like that.
But being authentic is going like, yo, I want to fight the best dude.
Even if it's bad for me, he's going to beat me.
Well, he might beat me.
And if he does, I'm going to tell him, don't get the most money you could possibly do.
I'm going to give him life advice after.
Yeah.
Fucking A. You got to love the guy.
You fucking got to love that.
It would have been some bullshit if he was like, you know what you could do as a fighter.
It's like, dog, I gotta just kick your ass.
That wouldn't be authentic.
Authentic is, hey, man, don't let these guys fuck you.
You're gonna make a lot of money if you want to.
Go do that.
That's authentic.
I just fucking love that, dude.
I thought it was so cool.
That's great.
Yeah.
And this guy, there's something about him.
So what does he do next?
He fights Jake Paul.
Let's say Nate and Jake fight.
Let's say Jake beats Nate.
There's another fight.
Big brother wants to get his revenge on Jake.
Not big brother Logan.
Big brother Nick.
Nick Diaz, who Nate says is the GOAT.
He's unbelievable.
He hasn't fought forever.
I think he was banned for the UFC for a little bit.
Now they're letting him back in a fight so he was in Nate's corner.
But they've been dying to get him back.
So then Nick goes, okay, I want to get revenge for what happened to my brother.
That's a huge fight.
And let's say Nick beats Jake.
Well, then Big Brother wants to get some revenge on Nick.
Logan goes and fights.
I mean, it's just so much.
This is the next two years of your lives here.
Here's why I was initially thinking this fight wouldn't happen is because if Jake loses, he loses other fights.
If Jake fights a Tyron Woodley, who maybe he has a better chance of beating, he wins that, then Nate's still there.
But if he loses to Nate, his fights are done.
He can't keep climbing.
Good point.
All the shine is gone.
Good point.
So I think he's going to take this Tyron Woodley, get millions more dollars, maybe one more, millions more dollars, then Nate Diaz, maybe, and then if he beats him, then Connor is a super fight.
Like, holy fuck, the money's assuming.
I think that's a smart thing.
That's what I'm saying.
I think you kick that can down the road and be Jake.
I think Jake is going to say no.
Yeah.
I just get so excited about what would be.
Yeah.
Like, I always want to be like, whatever it is.
I want to be doing the most exciting thing that I can do.
Right.
Right.
So it's tricky with the fight game.
Yeah.
And the content game is different.
Right.
Stakes are way lower.
Way lower, right?
Because like.
I had a video that didn't get many views.
Boom.
Exactly.
Perfect example.
It's like, so if you do that, didn't get many views, you're still in control of your shit.
You just throw out another video.
That shit slaps you.
Literally, we just said it.
Nobody saw it.
Who cares?
Exactly.
You get knocked out by Nate Diaz, and millions of people saw it.
Everybody saw it.
Now all the, can he fight?
Can he do this?
How far can he go?
That's all answered.
All our questions are answered.
A little more meticulous.
Yeah, the series finale.
It's like you got a TV show.
You got to drag it out.
Yeah.
If you lose a fight, the finale is right there.
Yeah, you're right.
And now it's just like less exciting shit.
You fighting somebody, whatever, rematch.
Nobody cares that much.
Especially if you get fucked up.
And if Nate's got hands like that, I don't think Jake wants it yet.
That's so interesting.
And to put things in perspective, the amount of interest in seeing Jorge Masdol fight again after that brutal knockout half of what it used to be.
Oh, yeah.
And he's a charismatic guy.
Super charismatic.
Yeah.
Tons of gravity.
You want to know what he's doing.
You want to know how he hangs out.
You want to know what he's up to.
Also, the problem with being the villain is once you lose, I'm not invested anymore.
If you're a Jorge and people love you, even when you lose, you know, I love Jorge.
I just want to see him fight.
Yeah, yeah.
Once you lose as the villain, I'm done.
I saw the villain lose.
Who cares?
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, I got that, that the catharsis happened.
Right?
Like, I hated you, and I wanted to see you fall.
You fell.
Now I feel nothing.
And if I feel nothing towards you, you have no promotional power.
Right.
I need to feel something.
I need to feel invested in your rise or your downfall.
Yeah.
But you just removed all my feelings.
Yeah.
So that might be a good point when it comes to Jake.
It's like, if people are invested in his downfall, you can make money until that downfall.
So don't let that downfall be too quick.
Yeah, you got to drag that out.
Do you think these TikTok fights are going to continue being a thing?
Oh, no.
I don't know.
We got to talk to Charlotte because he was there.
He'll tell us, you know, if it was a vibe or not.
It depends how much money they make.
I mean, if the people will watch, then yeah, there's going to be more of them.
It's that simple.
And they can have mixed nights.
They can have a pay-per-view concert and a boxing match and circus show.
No, I love that.
Like, let there be a legit box, like Tyson Fury versus DeAndre Wilder or whatever, like that, right?
Like, you want to boost the pay-per-view bias by 200,000?
Throw some fucking TikTokers on that shit in the fast idea, dude, under cards.
Ain't no rules to this shit anymore, yo.
Yeah, like, oh, the purity of boxing.
How about the purity of making money?
Yeah, yeah, like, we are in a brutal business.
But we, we are not, but these fighters are in a brutal business.
Once you get to the top of that shit, this, the purity of the sports shit, goes out the window.
You know who cares about the purity of the sport?
Broke motherfuckers.
Yes.
Broke motherfuckers that can't get nobody to buy their shit.
Yeah.
Because that's the only thing they can hold on to.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yo, real talk, I'm trying to think.
It's like, it's a shame to even say it, but the comics that are like all about the purity of it ain't selling no tips.
That shit is cute to me.
That shit is cute to me.
It's adorable.
Yeah, the Club Warriors is not selling any fucking tickets.
And please believe the second that they do start to sell tickets, because I've seen this happen, the transition happens immediately.
All of a sudden, the social media is blowing up.
All of a sudden, there's tons of stuff posted, et cetera.
But before you have that, you have to value the only thing that upholds your self-esteem.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And if just being the funniest guy at the club is a thing that keeps your self-esteem high, of course you're going to latch on to that.
You know?
So these motherfuckers that are going to make some money doing something brutal where they're not going to remember their life.
Life is on the line.
Make money.
Feed your kids.
Do all that shit.
You are sacrificing your brain every fucking practice.
Absolutely.
Make money.
NFL, boxers, fight sports, make fucking money.
Absolutely.
Fuck purity, dog.
What is that?
Grow up, man.
You got kids?
You got a family?
Yeah.
You're in control of your purity.
Yes.
That's the other thing that's important.
It's like when you're involved, like when you're not selling tickets, and this is for a boxing match or this is for anything like that, right?
Like you're still in control of your purity, but you're latching to what you think the most pure thing is that your self-esteem is tied to.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, once you have control of your career, no matter what it is, you are the only one that holds yourself accountable for purity.
Yes.
You got to write the jokes how you want them to be.
Right.
Right.
You got to uphold your own standards.
Yeah.
Before that, you're living on someone else's standards.
Right?
You're living at the person you look up to most at the comedy club or the person you look up to most at the boxing gym.
And you're trying to do boxing or comedy or any of these other things to their standards.
Right.
Not to yours.
Right.
Right?
So you always got to hold yourself to your own.
Yeah.
You just got to earn the right to do it.
Yes.
And make some money off.
100%.
Yeah.
And it's like, you know what?
Chappelle's dad told him he said inside the actor studio is name your price.
Name your price.
Everything else is pure.
Once it gets past your price, where you're like, yo, this I can't do this.
Yeah.
And if your price is I can't post on social media, there's no way I believe that.
I just don't believe that.
My price is I can't post.
Yeah.
I don't believe in social media.
All right, buddy.
And I get the feel because that's how I feel about TikTok.
Yep.
I'm just like, do I want to fucking do this?
Like, I'm seeing all this nonsense on there.
Holding Yourself to Your Own Standards00:02:11
Yeah.
And then I see a cool video and I'll be like, yeah, it's kind of fun.
There's some cool creators on here.
This is their platform.
Yeah, that's not the price.
The price there isn't your soul.
It's not like if you, God, if I get on TikTok, I'm giving up a piece of my soul.
I'm doing some shit I think is kind of corny.
All right.
We're all doing some shit we think is kind of corny.
Yes.
That's the world.
Your whole life is you got to do some shit you don't want to do.
Yeah.
For me, it's more is less about like being corny.
It's more like I'm going to have to figure out this new thing, figure out how to hack it, figure out the best way to be successful.
And that's going to pull cognitive hours away from other things that I want to be great at.
I could either outsource or not do it because also there's a point in time where you have to be like grateful for what you got and excel and exceed in what you're doing.
You know, so maybe we get somebody to just start posting the things on TikTok.
Yeah, that's where you outsource.
You're in a position to outsource outsource.
Yes.
Yeah.
100%.
All right.
What else we got?
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Let's get back to it.
What's up, everybody?
Today, we are here with the champ.
The champ is in the building and the squad.
You got the headphones on, or are we on speaker?
No, you got the headphones.
Yeah, man, we here.
We here.
We live.
Okay, okay.
First of all, congratulations.
Congratulations, Sexy.
I love it.
You know what I mean?
We got to get to the bottom of something real quick.
You had mentioned in the pre-fight hype, this is Izzy Israel style bender.
Okay, I deson ya.
We got the motherfucking UFC champion, the goat.
The goat, okay.
Now, you said in the pre-fight hype, you said that Vittorio was going to be gas, right?
And you said that he was going to be breathing out of his mouth.
And there was a point in the fight where he was bent over and you opened up his butthole.
Was that so you could help him get more oxygen in his body?
Yeah, I mean, he was gassing out, so I had to let the gas out somehow.
It was facts, though.
He was easy.
Did you think the fight was easier than you expected?
Yep, it was.
But for me, you know how I am.
I'm hard on myself.
I felt like I was having fun out there.
There was even a point my coach had to pull me back a little bit because I thought to get overexcited and told me, like, just chill.
I think my coach just had PTSD from the last fight because when I got tight and I was going to put him away, he shot in.
I knew this guy wasn't, he wasn't going to keep me down.
He tried to keep me down.
So my coaches just wanted to pull me back a little bit.
But I mean, I had fun out there.
It's the first time I've had fun out there for a long time where I was playing around, you know, was trying to be boring.
I was still clowning him, making the crowd entertained.
I haven't done that in the bit.
So it was kind of nice to do that last night.
Yeah, man.
It was great to see, man.
It looked like you were having fun out there.
And it was cool.
Honestly, it was cool seeing him almost get you in that rear naked choke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I was not threatened at all.
Yeah.
Yeah, you didn't you didn't look threatened, but for a moment, I was like, oh, shit, here it is.
Here's what's going to happen because this is what I figured everybody in your division was going to try to do.
They're like, all right, bet.
We just get him on the ground.
And then once it's on the ground, we can take over.
And do you think that that narrative is done?
I don't think so.
I think they're still going to keep hoping.
But for me, honestly, man, like I remember that moment.
And it's all the work I've been doing with my breath, my breath coach, my performance coach, because Kai was in a similar situation in our last fight at the Apex.
And he said all that work on the water made him calm.
So even when I was in that position, I was not threatened.
I didn't panic.
My heart didn't skip a beat.
I was calm.
And then I held it and I reversed it straight away and I put him.
I got him like that.
You know, you know what I'm talking about.
You know when you're in the very like the XNXX shit, you know?
I swear to God, I saw this look in his eyes and he was just like horny.
And I said to him, I swear, I want no.
He didn't want it from me.
Trust me.
But I said to him, with the words, I said to him, like, you're scared, aren't you?
You're scared, aren't you?
I said that to him.
I can see a look in his eyes.
And I try to elbow him and I just missed.
And I just missed.
But yeah, I like that look in a man's eyes when you go down by this and you look in the eyes and he's scared for his fucking life.
Play fast forward, whatever you want to do with that.
All of it.
Do you think he was scared?
Yes.
Oh, no.
I saw it in his eyes because that was his hope.
He thought he probably got a hard thing.
Like, yes, this is it.
I finally have the back.
I can choke him out.
He's got nothing.
And I just easily turned him around and I just, I dominated him.
So yeah.
Yeah, he was scared.
I saw it in his eyes.
All right.
We got to talk about something that happened for the pre-fight hype.
You had one of the best pre-fight hype posts I've ever seen, right?
Where you let the motherfucking snake out.
Okay.
Now, I got a serious, I got a serious question about this.
I need you to be 100% honest with us.
You're on Flagrant 2 right now.
Did you warm up the piece?
Did you warm up the piece before you put it out there?
Never.
Like, I mean, how can I warm up the piece when there's like so many people around?
And also, you got to understand, it's fucking, I don't know how many degrees it is out here.
We're in the desert, man.
We're in the desert.
You know, the thing thing, the thing, thinging when it's hot out in the street.
So, yeah, it was just, it's one of those days, man.
It's one of those days that I just got a dick day.
So you got to let it hang out.
Yeah, it was a heavy day.
Yo, so what's next, man?
When are you coming to New York, first of all?
Stop fucking around out there on the West Coast.
I man, I was supposed to come to New York.
I was supposed to stay in the States.
I couldn't get my 0-1 visa in time for the work we were going to do.
So it fell through.
So now I got to go back home.
But my plan was if you guys were to Miami, I wanted like a grand return back to the Flagrant 2 Army because I felt like I was there since a dark fan.
And I came to the studio in New York.
And I felt like it would be cool to return rather than Zoom or Skype to return like, you know, in the flesh, triumphant as a champ, you know?
So don't worry.
I mean, this emails are leaked now.
You know, the vaccines are out.
Everyone knows what's up.
So yeah, shit's about to, hey, shit's about to blow over soon.
And then I can roll around these streets again, if you will.
Let's go, man.
Yo, what's your deadline?
We're going to work this out.
He's going to make this happen.
I leave tomorrow.
That's the problem.
I'm already scheduled to leave tomorrow.
Already out the way, so we can't do it anymore.
But it's all right.
I mean, these things pass, you know, life happens, and I feel like another opportunity will come up.
I mean, we're definitely gonna do another one, so yeah, on the next one, probably we'll do it together.
All right, well, absolutely, we're looking, we're looking forward to that.
But seriously, next time you get in some trouble with that show, you holler at me.
We'll work it out.
We got some connections over there.
I know, man.
You know some people.
I bet.
Bet say less.
We know some people.
Yo, yo, um, I think you retired Paula Costa, yo.
Man, he's doing his ass in a few days, man.
Yeah, hey, man, he's doing a few days.
So, um, I think you retired him, though.
Hold up.
I think, hold up.
One of us, someone just spawned out.
Oh, shit.
Wait, let me see if we spawn out.
Hold on.
Can I flip this?
Can I flip this?
I can't flip it.
Oh, I can't.
Now we're just watching someone spin out.
It was a red car because they're racing.
My boys are racing right now.
Someone spawned out.
And I heard everyone go, oh shit.
Wait, is that you regained his control?
Yo, hey, Ash.
On your back and wet up.
On your back.
Get Ash over here, bro.
On your back.
Hey, come over here.
What's up?
Yo, get him over here.
I love this guy.
Yo.
Hey, what's up?
Asshole Army.
Meet the legend Ash in the building.
What's up, boy?
Hi, Matt.
I'm good, bro.
I've said that line once a month ever since I left you.
I asked, I asked to everybody listening right now.
I asked Ash, we're drunk in a bar somewhere in Australia.
Maybe it was, what was it, Perth or some shit, right?
And I go, what do you say?
Allegedly.
Allegedly, allegedly.
I go, what do you say to like an Australian girl, you know, like to get her like horny or whatever like that?
And he goes, oh, all right, Mike, you can use my line.
I go, what's up?
He goes, he goes, you just look at him right in the face and you say, on your back and wet up.
Give her a baby and tell her to get on her back and wet up.
On your back and wet up, what's that?
Works every time.
All right, Ash, we can't hear.
You got to take off the headphone, bro.
We can't hear you.
I'll talk to you.
Wait, can you hear him?
Now I can hear him.
Now I can hear a little better.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway.
Oh, good, brother.
Oh, good.
I'll leave you to it.
All right, man.
All right, brother.
He got nervous.
I love that guy, man.
He's so funny.
Yo, is man, we don't want to take up too much of your time, man, but we're proud of you, bro.
It's great to see you beat that dude's ass.
And I mean this sincerely.
I don't think Paula Costa wants to fight no more, man.
I think you beat him in a way where he goes, The only way I'll do this, like, I'm not doing this for love no more.
I'm doing this for money.
Yeah, I mean, when you have a lot of yes men, like I read these people like coloring books, man.
It's so easy.
When you have a lot of yes men around you blowing smoke up your ass every day, telling you you're the greatest.
You know, it was kind of similar to this fight.
You know, I just, I can smell the bullshit.
And I was like, this is this is this is a guy who gets blown up every day and then his ego was blown.
One thing I love was when I when I dropped it because the arena was so silent.
You can, if you listen closely, you hear the panic in this corner.
It was a guy screaming.
Oh no, my boy.
He had the sweet in his voice.
And that was like blood in the water.
That drove me.
And that's nice to just like beat the fuck out of him.
And I, and like, I felt like that took away from him.
And I took his manhood away.
So, I mean, you can't come back from that.
And then he had all these excuses.
And then, you know, I drink wine.
I think you should go into the winemaking business.
He'll actually be successful at that.
He's already got the tagline.
Yeah, make some one.
All right, so what's next, man?
You calling out Robert Whitaker?
Like, do you really get motivated for that fight?
Like, you destroyed the guy.
Yeah, I do because he's a beast.
But I feel like it has to be in Auckland because of this whole bullshit right now.
It might not be in Auckland, but I will.
I can get myself up.
You know what I mean?
I get myself up or anything.
Because you know the fight I want to see.
Yeah.
Which one?
You know, I want you know, I want to see you go at it with Darren Till.
I don't even care if you guys fight, but I just want to see the Instagram buildup.
I'll tell you one thing.
There's a new season of Tough with my boy Alex Volkanovsky coaching it.
Watch that.
It's going to be dope.
It's already, I think, episode three is coming out this week.
They did breaking news leaked.
It got offered to me and Darren Toba, and instantly I said no, because personally, I don't want cameras in my face that much, and I don't want to be stuck in Vegas for that long.
I just feel like it would come.
I mean, what does it take to make good reality TV?
Drama, a lot of drama.
And I'm a troll.
Darren's a troll.
I feel like I would have to go to the lowest form of myself.
Sorry.
I got a call.
My bad.
My man, I got a call.
But I felt like I would have to go to the lowest form of myself to create a bunch of people.
Like all the pranks that would, yeah, the pranks that would play, I would definitely, I can go lower.
Like, people don't understand.
Like, I mean, I take the high road, but when it's time to go low, limbo.
Limbo.
Well, listen, man.
We love you, bro.
We appreciate you.
We'll see you in New York soon.
Get your ass back here, man.
We got to hang already.
Wow, definitely.
Get somebody.
Love you, Boo.
Go around some nightclubs.
I love you, Boo.
Why are you looking nice today, by the way?
Tell Alex.
What's his name?
The fucking, what's his name?
He was looking at you all crazy.
Next time I see him, I might have to slap him, motherfucker.
Dude, Alex Jones?
Alex Jones?
Or Dylan?
Yeah, he was looking at you all crazy.
I had to tell him, nah, Alex Jones.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna back the fuck up.
All right, you could get the chance soon.
It might happen sooner than later, my brother.
Easy.
Hey, you've been gone too long.
I'm forgetting about you, bro.
You gotta come back here, man.
I'm coming back.
I'm coming back.
I'm gonna claim that throne again.
Let's go.
All right, homie, be good.
Love you, Dark.
Love you guys.
See you guys later, bro.
And we're back.
Yo, Izzy's the best, man.
The greatest.
You know, I noticed is when he grabbed dudes' ass on Twitter, the reaction was like, this is so funny.
Like, he's very intentionally trying to change what it is to be a tough guy.
Yeah.
And he's doing it easily.
He's like, he's skinny, gay jokes all day, fucking fucking a dude in the ass after the fight.
Like, this is not a world that knew this to be a tough guy.
Yeah.
A UFC with a tough guy with the bad motherfucker beating your ass, not saying shit.
Izzy dying his hair pink, fucking anime intros.
He is changing what it is to be a tough guy.
That's facts.
Because at the end of the day, you tough or you're not.
It's not the other shit you do.
Yeah.
I mean, if you're tough and you watch cartoons, you're tough.
Ain't nobody fucking with you.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Watch your cartoons, do whatever the fuck you want.
It just so happened is that the dudes that were getting beat up stayed inside to watch cartoons because they was getting beat up.
Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, maybe that's because he was bullied and shit.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Got it.
But yeah, while we're talking about things getting beat up, bro, there's a video.
There's a video that's out right now that shows an absolute legend, an absolute legend of the pandemic.
Maybe one of the funniest people that came out of the pandemic unintentionally, but obviously the most hilarious motherfucker was not playing around, bro.
Not playing right, inefficient with his time.
Yeah.
Like, we're talking about Jeffrey Toobin.
Jeffrey Toobin is the man that jerked off during the Zoom meeting, which is a thing of efficiency.
They're going on a 30-minute break.
He needs to crank that dick and then get back to work.
An efficient jerk is the best jerk.
100.
And if he's married and trying to do it to satisfy his wife later, he's just trying to clear that chamber so that he can be the best man that he needs to be with his wife.
It's really the most selfish thing that he could do.
He's a feminist.
He's a feminist in a lot of ways.
He's about a woman achieving climax, right?
So this guy's out here.
He is 70 years old, has to learn how to use Zoom.
I don't even know how to use Zoom, really, when you think about it.
Most technology, I don't even fucking know.
I learned on TikTok, right?
That's probably the reason why I'm not on TikTok because it's a new bit of technology I'm going to have to learn.
So this guy's out here.
He got to learn how to use fucking new technology.
We're expecting him to know if his Zoom is on or off.
Come on, yo.
Be reasonable.
Bruh, the guy's in a new browser window.
Old people think if you can't see it, it's not there.
Yeah, it's peekable.
It's peekaboo, exactly.
So he doesn't know the camera stallon.
He's in a different window.
Zoom Calls and Feminism00:12:52
Yeah.
Right?
He's watching that porn, getting that yank, and then some creeps on the other side.
Yeah.
Watch.
Yeah.
How do you know I'm jerking off?
Creeps.
You're just staring at my screen line.
Keeping thumbs.
It's disgusting.
Those are disgusting people.
I bet if that was a woman, tapping her flicking her bean, they'd be like, whoa, why, why are you watching this?
Tapping her.
Picking it and flicking.
He's picking it, bro.
Oh, that pick and flick would be okay.
What is it?
Guy in 2A on the fly.
No, but if you watched a girl do that shit, you'd be like, why are you watching?
Son, last night I'm out to dinner with my boy and his wife, and his wife said she used to cheat on tests by writing the answers on her thigh and wear a skirt to the test.
Wow.
So if the teacher came up, like, yo, what's written on your test?
She'd be like, why you even look at what's written on your thigh?
Why are you even looking at my thigh?
You creep?
So why the fuck were you even watching this man jerk off, yo?
That's credible.
We're supposed to be off air 30 minutes.
Who the fuck ends the Zoom and then stares at the people during the Zoom for those 30 minutes?
Keep it moving, bro.
Keep that shit moving.
Open up a new window.
Yeah.
Yeah, come on.
Open up a new window.
Why are you still on gallery viewing the Zoom?
Yo, why you won't got the Zoom on like that, bro?
Or furthermore, why you just got his shit open?
Oh, you fucking psychopath.
What type of psychopath is gonna keep one handle?
Sex criminal.
Sex criminal.
Prosecute the person.
I'm gonna tell you why.
I'm gonna tell you why.
Because the whole Zoom call, they had their video off because they were beating off to Jeffrey Toobin.
That's what it was.
The whole video, they were beating off to Jeffrey Toobin.
And imagine what was going through their mind.
They're sitting home beating off to Jeffrey Toobin.
All of a sudden, he starts beating him back.
Oh, Mexican standoff.
It's a beat off.
It's a beat off.
It's a Mexican standoff 100%.
And Jeffrey Toobin don't even know that you're beating off to him.
Yeah.
And to your dismay, he starts cranking away too.
So now you had to out him before he could out you.
Oh, you fucking deviant, deviant motherfucker.
Because that's what they thought.
They're like, oh, shit, is there something?
Do I have my video on?
Oh, my God.
I got to call HR before he could call HR on me.
That motherfucker was on the other end, beating off.
Yeah.
Beating his fucking dick to Jeffrey Toobin to Jeffrey Toobin.
Got to take the fall for both of them.
Damn.
That's sad, yo.
Bruh.
But now Tooba's back on CNN, though.
Too bad is back on CNN, and this is one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen in my life.
Al, please play the video.
I don't even care if we have flag.
I don't even care.
Everything is demonetized.
It is worth it.
It's worth any amount of money to see what this man had to say after caught whacking off in his own house.
And chief legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin to talk about this and more.
Hi, Jeffrey.
Hello, Allison.
It's been a while.
It's been a while.
Indeed.
I feel like we should address what's happening in the months since we've seen you, since some of our viewers may not know what has happened.
So I guess I'll recap.
I'll do the honors.
Help yourself.
Okay.
Help yourself.
Come in.
Hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
She goes, I'll do the honors.
Bitch, out there.
This is my first time back on my first time back on there.
You'll do the honors.
Why?
Because when I was doing the honors, it was a problem.
And he said, help yourself.
Press play, Al.
On a Zoom call with your colleagues from the New Yorker magazine.
Everyone took a break for several minutes, during which time you were caught masturbating on camera.
You were subsequently fired from that job after 27 years of working there.
And you, since then, have been on leave from Sienna.
Do I have all that right?
You got it all right.
Sad to say.
Okay, so let's start there.
To quote Jay Leno.
Pause.
What the hell?
Sorry, don't do it.
Why don't you just pull this dick out right now?
That is correct.
Keep going.
I like it when you guys talk.
I like it coming out of your mouth.
Tell me even more.
All right, keep going.
Quote, Jay Leno, what the hell were you thinking?
Well, obviously, I wasn't thinking very well or very much.
And it was something that was inexplicable to me.
I think one point, I wouldn't exactly say in my defense because nothing is really in my defense.
I didn't think I was on the call.
I didn't think other people could see me.
You thought that you had turned off your camera?
Correct.
I thought that I had turned off the Zoom call.
Now, that's not a defense.
This was deeply moronic and independent.
Yes, it is.
Yeah, it is.
I know.
100%.
You thought the call was off, and now you're jerking off like every regular human being does on a computer.
What happened to me is sex positive liberals.
Yeah.
What happened to me?
Oh, oh, he can't make money watching some sex workers have sex before?
Wow.
He's probably on our OnlyFans.
He's probably submitting money.
He was trying to pay somebody.
He probably had a Brassers membership.
He was trying to pay for Platinum.
Wow, that's fucked up.
That's fucked up.
You would think the New Yorker would understand a subscription model better than anybody.
Yeah.
Oh, all of a sudden you got a problem with guys subscribing to some shit.
Wow.
Entertainment.
That's a good ass point.
They're like OnlyFans for like Dorks.
Dorks.
All right, go, go, go.
This is great.
Defensible, but I mean, that is part of the story.
And, you know, I have spent this seven subsequent months, miserable months in my life, I can certainly confess, trying to be a better person.
I mean, in therapy, trying to do some public.
He didn't mean to jerk off in front of people.
What are you becoming a better person?
Yeah, I do.
What needs to be improved?
Being 70 and jerking off.
No, go to an IT class.
Take a class how to use your computer.
Go to the fucking genius bar.
Call your grandson and say, how do I turn off the video?
How do I turn off the Zoom?
Because daddy's got to come.
How do I turn off the video?
Because I can't turn me off.
Mia's turned off right now.
Honestly, we should be impressed that a guy at that age still has a sex drive.
We should be impressed.
He loves his job that much.
Imagine you went to work and you were like, I need to beat off midday.
I love this job.
Working for the New Yorkers is shit.
Son, I don't beat off after this.
He's a faithful man.
He's not cheating on his girl.
He's not stepping out.
He's jerking off like a respectable human.
Legend.
Yo.
Legend.
Hey, Jeffrey, if you want a real job, come work at Flagrant 2, dog.
Yes.
Come work over here.
All right, keep going.
This is goofy that you got to say this shit just so you could be a puncher.
Work service.
I'm working on a food bank, which I certainly am going to continue to do.
Ain't nobody wants you touching their food to flood.
I think that's a good idea.
Working in a food bank, bro.
I got to see the guy that beats off during work touching my food.
You must have meant to say Sperm Bank.
That's the only rapper.
Only way I believe that he must have been a slip of a tongue, son.
Sperm bank, I get it.
I've been working at a Sperbank.
Yeah, boy.
Finally.
Yeah.
How Jewish is this guy that he's like, community service?
I'm going to work at a bank.
It's the only thing that he knows how to do.
He's like, yeah, this will work.
Okay, keep going.
On a new book about the Oklahoma City bombing, but I am trying to become the kind of person.
He wrote a new book about the Oklahoma City bombing.
That's what he's doing in his free time.
There's a joke here.
There's a joke.
I would imagine.
How many people died during the Oklahoma City bombing?
25.
Oh, you knew that.
I thought it was like thousands.
No, several hundred.
Yeah.
Really?
How many that's what they tell you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sometimes it's inflated.
It's inflated.
It's dude.
I'm an Oklahoma City bombing denier.
Narrative is that 20.
168.
I'm an Oklahoma denier.
It's big.
How many sperm died in masturbation?
That's billions, right?
Billions upon billions.
So, yeah.
It's probably a better joke than that.
Speaking of bombing, tell that joke.
I thought the joke was like this guy gets canceled from all these politicians and all these people that he was buddy-buddy with.
And all of a sudden, he writes a book about a guy that blows up government buildings.
Yeah.
It seems like he was very angry.
He was doing some research.
Yeah, yeah.
How do I blow up a building full of people I hate?
Yeah.
By the way, then he's going to make a fortune because he wrote People versus OJ and then made a show on it and made millions and millions.
So he made he probably made more money on this six-month leave than he would have just being a pundit on CNN every day.
And what this fucking loser still cares about being on TV.
It's so potential.
This is the thing about they get addicted to it.
Even this, this is loser fame.
Like just being a pundit on CNN, like that shouldn't be your dream.
He's already wildly successful on these other things.
He's not a CNN like staffer, right?
He's someone that goes on frequently and just talks shit.
But he cares so much about being on TV.
He needs to be on fucking TV that he's willing to apologize for masturbating in what he thought was his public, I'm sorry, private space at home and go to therapy for it.
That is the most loser shit I've ever seen.
And he'd be much more famous if he just got on Instagram and just started talking to the camera.
Like, hey, what you want from me?
He'd be much more famous if you put out the video of him jerking off.
Put out the video, son.
Put out the motherfucking video.
Yeah.
Honestly, I would have said this.
Yo, I thought the thing was off.
I'm not a fucking weirdo, dude.
I'm not a fucking weirdo.
I was jerking off in my own home.
I can't jerk off in my own home.
What the fuck?
I'm not sure what I'm saying.
100% people would have been like, yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah.
Yo, the arrogance.
The arrogance of the people that work with the New Yorker to think he would jerk off to them.
You arrogant pigs.
Nobody wants to jerk off to you.
You're not a New York Times.
You're cool.
Your cartoons don't even have color.
You're maximum.
If it was a maxim call for the people that are in the magazine, not the ones who write it, maybe I understand.
But the fact that journalists, written journalists, could think that someone would want to jerk off to you.
Ain't nobody jerking off to Matt Taibbi.
Okay?
Nobody jerking off to Glenn Greenwalt.
Who the who the fuck is jerking off to these people, yo?
Who is jerking off the fat?
Like, that is the deterrent.
If you need to last longer, you pop on a New Yorker Zoom call.
If you're jerking off about to nut, you pop on a New Yorker Zoom call.
Okay, let me calm down a little bit.
The arrogance that you could immediately.
Oh, he was jerking off to me.
Wouldn't you think he forgot to put on the Zoom?
Turn off the Zoom.
100%.
How you get mad at a guy?
And just get, hey, you don't got a microphone.
You can't talk in a microphone.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
That's it.
Turn your camera off, bro.
Hey.
What the fuck are you doing?
Yeah, that's it.
You can't have one homie.
That's your coworker.
I know.
I would roast the fuck out of him.
He'd be mad funny.
I don't know.
He's like 60 years old jerking off his 60-year-old dick.
Like, that's just hilarious.
You let that shit rock.
He starts recording the screen.
I'll record the fuck out of the screen.
I'll record the fuck out of the screen.
I FaceTime him while I'm recording the screen and just see him look at his phone and turn it off.
Oh my god, nah, but he got to get back on TV because then he's forever known as the jerk off on the screen.
He has to do something to top it now.
He can't top it because he's the one who's fucking his ass on Zoom.
That's the only way he's chopping.
He got to do that.
He's like the fire.
He got a flashlight.
He got to take a Hulk Hogan flashlight that got the blonde mustache and he got to fuck that shit on Zoom.
You got to do something.
I bet if you said it was gay porn, people would be like, we got to let it slide.
We can't shame gay people.
He got to outwoke them.
That's actually a good point.
Ooh.
If he got fucked in his ass on Zoom, we all be like, hey, it's the month, you know?
The whole month.
He could just do what he wants to do.
Yo.
But you know, like the Firefest guy who like sucks dick for water is like, he's always going to be the guy who sucked dick for water.
Yeah.
So it's like this guy, he don't want to be the Zoom jerking off.
First of all, that guy is a fucking hero, dog.
He was willing to save lives.
Yeah, but I'm sure he does other things that he would like to be known for.
Why would you want to be known for anything else?
I suck dick to save hundreds of lives.
Rest of you guys sucking dick at a YMCA shower.
Fuck you, selfish motherfucker.
Yeah, that's not the worst dick he sucked.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's true.
Selfless.
That's a heroic dick suck.
Like, if you're a gay guy in your 50s, you probably sucked a bunch of dicks you regret.
That guy deserves a day in Pride Month.
You know what I mean?
Like, for real, think about that.
A 50-year-old gay guy, you don't think he sucks some random dicks?
Oh, God.
Went down to tie his shoe, dick popped up.
Probably every girl, probably anyone that's ever sucked a dick.
Probably anyone that's ever sucked a dick.
They're sucking some dick.
Yeah.
I know, I'd be.
Especially gay dudes.
Because they be sucking dang-a-lang, bro.
Gay dudes be sucking, bro.
Yo, gay guys be sucking dicks.
Saving Lives with Dick Sucking00:02:48
You think it's like a baby bottle where you just hold it in front of a baby and they just put it in their mouth?
They don't know what they're doing.
They don't know that it's muscle memory.
You pull a hard dick batter out of them and they just start going and like gravitate towards it.
For real.
Google Gaga.
They start saying, Google Gaga.
Google Gaga.
They reach out with their hands and get some milk, dog.
They need it.
Okay, let's finish this fucking losers video.
That was it.
That's it?
Nothing left?
Unbelievable, bro.
Okay.
I don't get why you gotta go to therapy.
I don't get why you gotta go to therapy for jerking off.
I don't either.
You gotta go to therapy to be like, how the fuck did I get fired for this?
Hey, hey, therapist.
I'm going crazy over here.
What do you therapist tell you?
Like, what do you guys work on?
Hey, I jerked off by accident in front of people on a Zoom.
How can I not do that anymore in the future?
Just close the lap.
That's what they do.
They do this exercise 10 times.
Yeah.
He's sister.
He just reps every day.
Just shut it.
It's like a personal trainer.
There you go.
All right.
What else we got, boys?
What else we got there?
We got that Joe Biden situation.
Oh, yeah.
Joe Biden wilding, bro.
Joe Biden trying to be inclusive.
Joe Biden out here trying to be inclusive.
Do you have the video out?
Fucking poor Biden.
So Biden's at the G7 summit.
G7, son, is basically this meeting of countries where they decide to do some shit and then never do it.
Yeah, I love that.
Like, do they ever, has anything ever been accomplished at a G?
I don't think so.
I think the most recent thing is that they were going to try to ban coal emissions by the year 2030, and then America and Russia said, nah.
Yup.
Yup.
Honestly, I love it.
I love it when the world wants to do something that's like better for the world.
And then we go, no.
Like, the Paris Accords or whatever that shit is for the climate, I love the fact that we're like, nah, even if it's better for the worlds, I love the fact that we go, nah.
No, we're back in that shit.
It was Trump that wanted it.
We should back out again.
We should back out again.
I believe that whole thing.
That's for y'all.
What if it's y'all stop admitting?
Y'all need to stop admitting.
We admit whatever the fuck we want.
This freedom, bro.
That's it.
That's kill some chlorofluorocarbons.
I cough at the fucking ozone layer, bro.
I'll far if I can far right now and do a queue.
I'm trying to take out the ozone layer.
Fuck that.
Fuck an ozone layer, bro.
Fuck an ozone layer.
You know who don't want an ozone layer neither?
You don't want an ozone layer neither?
Who?
Elon Musk.
Think about how much quicker you charge them solar panels without no ozone layer getting in the way.
And faster you go to space.
And you go to ozone layer, just block it.
Ozone layer in the way.
That's true.
No, 40% of spacecraft don't get a space to get cooked because of the ozone layer.
They just chilling in the ozone.
Yeah.
Right?
So, you know what I mean?
Paris Accords on some cuck shit.
This is what I do to Paris Accord.
Slap it in his fucking mouth.
That's what I do.
You got to rename it, bro.
Fuck that.
Elon Musk Wants No Ozone Layer00:02:51
If that shit was called the Brooklyn, then maybe we could have it.
But I'm not doing that Paris Accord.
Nothing.
No Paris, nothing, bro.
It's American names or it's nothing.
You can slap the dude from the Paris Accord, get four months in jail.
That's less.
Less.
I'll slap him.
I literally slap him.
I'll slap the shit out of him on a motorcycle that is emitting chlorophyll.
During the drive-by, I do a drive-by and the most emitting shit.
I take a tractor trailer.
I'll take a tractor trailer.
Come up in a John Deere.
I'll come up in a John Deere.
Like that.
You got a taxi in a private jet.
Taxi in a private jet.
Roll down the window.
Bag it to the mouth.
Suck it, nerd.
All right, guys.
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Let's get back to the show.
Yo, we got to get back to emitting, bro.
How much more lit was the world when we were emitting crazy amounts of chlorofluorocarbon?
If global warming goes up and the ocean goes higher, then you'll have a beachfront.
Vaccinated People vs Anti-Vaxxers00:09:32
Facts.
Hey, what are we always saying?
There's no more fish.
Make some more room for fish to swim.
Yeah.
The more the ice caps melt, we're going to have more water.
That's more room for fish to swim.
Boom.
Polar bears can swim.
Polar bears know how to swim, yo.
And if they don't know how to swim, find some land.
What are you doing on the ice anyway?
What are they doing on the ice for what?
For what?
For no reason.
Who wants to just be on the ice?
Fucking selling Coca-Cola all day.
That's it.
Dorks.
All right.
So we out the Paris Accords.
All right.
So, play the video of Bumbling Biden.
Motherfucker.
Let's go.
He's just happy they gave him a seat.
This is embarrassing.
And the federal shout out.
And the president of South Africa.
Spit it out, Boris.
I'm also tired of this bumbling idiot.
Let me tell you, but I don't know what's happening.
Yo, press pause.
This is the worst business.
I'm sorry, everybody.
So basically, what happened is this.
Boris Johnson can't say a fucking sentence without stumbling over himself doing his best fucking Hugh Grant impression.
You don't got the charm.
You don't got the chutzpah, okay?
What does he look like?
He looks like something Trump.
Yeah.
Right?
It's like.
If Trump is like a scarecrow or something.
Yeah, but it's more like Trump fell in a river.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Disheveled Trump.
He's Kramer Trump.
Yeah, he's Kramer Trump.
His hair is all crazy.
Kramer Trump.
He can't get a fucking sentence out.
He basically thanked all the countries for being there.
And then Biden thought that he left out South Africa.
Yeah.
Right?
Because that's what he calls Kamala.
And he goes, you forgot South Africa.
And then he goes, and South Africa, which I did say.
But still, thank you.
That's it.
Our president can't even remember seven countries.
Six.
Six.
He couldn't even remember six.
Six fucking countries, bro.
Yeah.
Why he need to remember South Africa?
Well, technically, it's the G7 plus five.
South Africa's in the plus five.
It used to be the G8.
But Russia left.
They withdrew because of the Crimea.
Well, they were suspended because of Crimea.
What accord is this from, dude?
Tell you what?
What accord was that?
Honda.
Honda is a Honda, bro.
Paris Accord.
We're renaming the Paris Accord to the Honda Accord.
Hey, then I'm in.
Then your boy's in.
Yeah, that's a reliable accord.
Let's upgrade to a dressing guess.
I'm with that.
He's survived a murder, okay?
Yeah, I know.
That's why I'm not getting rid of it.
Point is, why you got to remember South Africa?
Who gives a fuck about South Africa?
Who gives a fuck about Boris Johnson?
Your name is Boris, dog.
That's not a name I got to respect by.
And historically speaking, the English haven't given that much of a fuck about South Africa.
Yeah.
They did implement an apartheid system.
It's pretty bad.
So Biden was like, yo, England, make sure you don't forget about South Africa this time because y'all be forgetting all the time.
And then he's like, I did say it, you fucking Nincom Poop.
How the hell are you still here?
I like how he was like stopping him from talking and shit like that.
Like, yo, put some respect.
Nah, he buying.
He was kind of pushing Biden.
I thought he was about to give him one backhand.
He was not Boris is going to hit up.
Yo, it's war now.
Right?
Come on, y'all.
Son, we're going to war, son.
We're going to war in England, yo.
All right.
Real talk.
We're about to pull up, vaccinate as fuck.
These weak-lunged bitches.
Yeah, treat them like the ozone, bro.
Treat them like the ozone.
Treat them like the ozone, yeah.
That's right.
We're coughing on these weak-lunged bitches.
Start throwing that tea overboard.
Fuck that shit.
Tucking the tea, cough right in their mouth.
They got no teeth to block it.
Shit going right through the spaces in their fucking teeth.
Yeah.
Let's get fucking fucking hand, dog.
Let's go.
But we're taking the palace.
We're just going to walk into England, take the palace.
I could take that palace with literally six of my guys.
I think I could take Buckingham Palace with six of my guys, slap the shit out of one of their stupid hats.
Or you slap your battle.
Push that down.
You push the hat.
You push the hat down.
And then he disappears.
He goes all the way into the hat.
Yeah, I'm not, yo, those palace guards, I'm not impressed.
Your big talent is you do nothing.
Yeah, I've been doing that on dates since I was 17 years old, yo.
Sit there and stare.
Giving them that back.
Give him that back.
That's how you look, bro.
Just land there, but for real, yo, we might have to invade England.
That was fun.
I didn't like it.
Yo, don't this shit right here?
Nah, we're not gonna do that.
Hey, yo, we're not gonna do that.
Would Trump let him do that?
No chance, Trump would not have let him do that.
No, he wouldn't.
No chance.
No fucking chance, son.
Trump probably would have thought it was him looking.
He's like, Why am I talking to myself?
That would have been like, The guy from South Africa is white.
Yeah, what's going on?
He's from Africa.
That's weird.
Yeah.
Anyway, so they're going to try to do some shit, but nothing's going to get done because that's how the fucking world works.
Yep.
Okay.
These guys don't do jack shit.
That's going to change when Schultz is president 2032.
Listen, I'm not going to be president.
2032.
I fuck up a president, though.
Let's box.
Let's box.
Actually, should I say president?
Because I think that's the one thing that's actually a felony.
Okay, foreign president.
Yo, son, if you want to set the match, me versus Obama, I mean, we could do it now.
No, he would buy something.
If you want to set up a bunch of people, yo, if you want to set the match and we could do it, we could do it.
We could raise money.
We could raise money.
What?
He could play a world star.
What do you mean, Baba?
He's fucking you up on World Star.
No, We could do it.
And I got love for Obama.
I voted for Obama.
But for the right price, he could get slept.
For the right price.
He got fucked you up with a fucking Newport hanging out.
No, I'm throwing haymakers.
I'm going to call them drones.
Over the top.
Over the top.
Keep going down.
It could happen, bro.
He'll take you to the court.
Just wash you real quick.
No, no, no, no.
Cross you, jumper.
Jay is wet.
Nah, nah, that's motherfucker.
He'll beat you at Edward Jumper.
He's from Hawaii.
He can probably surf better.
Oh, shit.
That was fucking bad.
Fuck, fucking Howley.
Look at this Howley right here, bro.
He's like, Father's Day.
I'll show you how to fucking surf you, Cody, bitch.
Wow, you a Howley, bro.
Yo, that's foul.
Yo, son, that was foul.
You dug deep.
Just Fire Island versus Maui.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
I surf better than him, and I fight better than him.
Yeah, I play ball better.
Nah, bro.
I bet he ain't almost dying Hawaii.
I bet he surfed them waters many times.
He knew that current.
I bet he saw your seaweed story and he was like, this motherfucker almost got my seaweed.
Hey, Michelle, take a look at this guy.
He almost got killed by a fern, bro.
A fern.
Yo, I just want to let him.
I almost got stuck between two ferns.
Zach Callipanat gets up in this bitch.
Everybody home, come shred with Schultz at Scoot and Surf inside the American Dream Ball.
Okay, Father's Day from 10 to 12, 10 p.m. to 12 midnight.
You know what I mean?
We only got a couple tickets left.
Yeah, no seaweed in that.
Safe environment without coral, so your board don't get wrapped around you.
You almost die.
Your friends make fun of your near-death experience.
Come surf with an amateur.
Okay, surf with it.
Fuck you.
Where's Obama surfing?
Fuck you.
Go surf with Obama.
He's a ship.
Obama, you're invited cordially.
We'll hold it.
I love Obama.
I love Obama.
I'm just saying he could get these hands for the right amount of money.
He could get the hands, bro.
You don't think?
For the right amount of money, you get knocked out.
10 million?
You don't think you wouldn't fight Obama for 10 million?
You get knocked out for 10 million.
He's waiting to fight somebody.
10 million deal with Michelle and shit like that.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey, I wouldn't fight Michelle.
That's what I'm saying, son.
Her hands would be nice.
Her arms are shit.
She's jacked.
She's jacked.
I'm not coming close to fighting Michelle.
I'm not even coming close.
You wild.
Uh-uh.
All of my.
Yeah, but think, but I can hold his own with Michelle.
That motherfucker could go.
Yeah.
I don't know.
All the arguments he's lost in the house.
Three black women.
Come on, son.
You challenging wrong one, bro.
Yeah, he can't wait for this shit.
He might fuck me up, yo.
Obama might fuck me up just off the strength.
Oh, yeah.
Wow, that's true, bro.
The restraint.
Imagine the restraint he had.
Oh, my God.
He could let it all out.
Oh, my God.
He's furious.
Like the water boy.
This had just been building up for decades.
Then he could see you and picture Michelle nagging him and just fucking peeked the shit out of me.
Oh my God.
All right.
So maybe I got to be careful with old mama.
I'm just saying.
Chill out.
Chill out.
You got to find somebody.
You know what I mean?
Pence.
Oh, yeah.
You can take Pence though.
Should we do like a jelly wrestling or whatever that shit is?
Oh, like mud wrestling.
No, it's with a petroleum joke.
I bet.
I bet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like jelly wrestling.
Nah, that'd be Mike Pence.
Mike Pence is.
Hell yeah.
If he took his cock right off his waist, I take his cock and I twist it right off.
You don't threaten him with a good time, by the way.
Give him a little Indian bird.
What?
Was I saying something?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I was just saying he's going to want to fuck you after the fight.
That's all.
Say what?
Loser gets to fuck the winner.
He'll be in.
If you just offer him a little gay shit, he's in.
That's Mike Pence, dog.
All right.
Get Mike Pence.
Mike Pence gettable.
Oh, by the way, I was serious about that surfing, by the way.
Devin Booker Playoff Performance00:15:03
So there's literally a couple spots left.
I just want to y'all know, I don't make any money off this.
I just want that to be very clear.
I told him the price of the tickets as low as possible because I'm not taking any money.
This is not for me to make money at all.
I literally just want to surf with my friends and I want to give the opportunity to surf for you guys.
Very hard to surf in a wave pool, have that kind of private experience.
So I think they said it's up to like 20 people or total that can do it.
So if you guys want to try that out, maybe come with your father for Father's Day.
But again, this is not something I'm profiting off of.
And it's a dope spot.
Say the name of the venue again.
Yeah, it's the Scoot and Surf at the American Dream Mall in Jersey.
It's a super safe environment, different types of waves.
If you're not an expert at all, you're a complete beginner, you'll be able to do it.
And if you are an expert, it's also always fun to surf inside a thing.
I just think it's really cool.
Surf is my favorite thing to do, so I want to share that with you guys.
What else, man?
What else we got going on?
All right.
You want to talk about Jokic?
Yeah, let's talk about these playoffs a little bit, man.
Well, first of all, Jokic got a flagrant two.
I love how every time there's a flagrant two called, Twitter lights up, and then like half the people are like, oh shit, what'd they do?
They're canceled.
It's like, y'all are waiting for us to get canceled.
But so basically, he fouls kind of hard Payne.
What's the guy's first name?
Cameron Payne.
And he gets a flagrant two and he gets kicked out of the game.
He is the MVP.
Yeah.
And the foul, he doesn't even hit Cameron Payne, it looks like.
Maybe he just swipes down hard.
He swipes down, but he just brushes his face.
He's the sitting MVP.
If LeBron did that foul on anybody, he's not going anywhere.
I don't even think they give him Flagrant One.
I think they just call foul.
But he barely even touches him.
And also, it's Cameron Payne.
If Jogic did that foul on CP3, if he did it against Booker, if he did it against someone who mattered, then, okay, I understand maybe a Flagrant One, maybe.
But Cameron Payne, it's not changing the game in any way.
No.
So it's like.
He's a good player.
That's it.
He's a good player.
If the Suns weren't whooping that ass already, and if it wasn't already a 3-0 lead, I don't think that this is a Flagrant 2.
But I think they understood what was happening in the series and they were like, all right, fine.
Let's get him out of here.
But it's weird that he didn't get the preferential treatment.
It bothers me the league.
It bothers me.
He's the MVP.
There should be preferential treatment.
Yeah.
You got to keep your stars in the game.
And I don't mind that in and of itself.
Everybody gets treated equally, but the precedent has been set throughout my entire lifetime.
Stars get preferential treatment.
Yeah.
So it bothers me that all of a sudden this guy gets ejected from a game that I don't think most players would get ejected for this foul.
Flagrant one, maybe.
Flagrant one blows my fucking mind.
Yeah, Kim Flagrant.
He was going for the ball.
He did hit his face, and that's part of the flagrant call.
But I think what made it bad is that he got in motherfuckers' face afterwards.
Devin Booker ran across and got in his face, and he was like a fan of the battle.
But then he was like, Go out, too.
So it's like, it's like, if you get the tech and you know you got the flagrant, like, just chill.
But the fact that he tried to now almost instigate a fight, that's why they were like, nah, you're out of here.
Yeah, we got to get you out of here.
Yeah, I don't know.
It is interesting, though, what's happening with CP3.
Yes.
Because I'm sure we've said plenty of times on this podcast that he's just not good enough to get it done.
His body.
His body won't let him.
His body won't let him.
And we might even say he's not good enough to get it done.
If he wins a championship this year, he erases any criticism.
Everything is different.
It is unbelievable.
And we've said on this podcast, what he needs is a beta scorer.
Yes.
And I don't know if Devin Booker's beta because he seems like a pretty alpha player, but I think he's fine with just going out there, getting buckets, and then letting CP3 manage the rest of the team.
Yes.
And I think that CP3 respects Booker.
He's like, yo, this guy gets buckets.
I can pass him the ball and he's going to knock down these tough shots.
And I think we even said on the podcast, we're like, yeah, he needs a KD.
And it's like, well, yeah, who doesn't need a KD?
But Devin Booker was not looked at as one of the top five players in the league.
But now that CP3 and him are on the same team and Booker is putting up these big fucking numbers, I guess they're locking down offensively.
You're starting to see how absolutely amazing CP3 is, CP3 is at managing a team and making a deep run in the playoffs.
You know, I think Devin Booker and CP3 works.
Devin Booker's 13 years younger.
So it's a whole different, like Blake Griffin was younger, but what, like four or five years?
Yeah, they felt like they were in the same generation.
I mean, you're not going to see your, like, I'm not going to see your look up to you.
You're four or five years older than me.
13 years of big fucking gap.
You're like, you watched him play ball growing up.
You got to emulate him.
Yeah, CP3 came into the league 20, so you were seven.
Yeah.
So you watch this guy.
You've seen how good he is.
You look up to him and now he's on your team.
You're like, oh, that's a guy I want to emulate.
CP3, if you're into being like him, yeah, absolutely.
I just need to make sure you want to win.
I'm going to ride you pretty hard, but if you're 13 years younger than me, it's tough love.
If you're my age, it's like, yo, who the fuck are you talking to?
Yeah.
Are you crazy?
Like, even if I'm James Harden, I'm what, six years younger or whatever, but it's like, bro, I'm the fucking MVP.
I don't care if you're four or five years older.
13 years.
Ah, this is tough love.
This is coaching.
It's a father-son, big brother, little brother thing, whatever it is.
So I think that's the main reason.
And like you said, I think Devin Booker just wants to be a scorer and he's fine being a fucking killer scorer.
Yeah.
And that's it.
And then you can make me a more complete player, but like you manage the game.
I'll get and most importantly, manage the team.
Yeah.
Like you manage all the guys, get them motivated, make sure they're staying doing what they're supposed to do.
And I don't have to do that.
I just have to get buckets.
Yep.
Like for a guy who likes to score and it seems like that's all he likes to do, that's the dream.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's tough to take every shot for your team, not every shot, but like it's tough to take the majority shots for your team and then yell at a motherfucker for not getting back on D when that guy wants to touch the rock too.
But now the guy who's yelling at you to get back on D is the guy who didn't just shoot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right?
It's the guy who also passed the ball so someone else could.
Yes.
You might got to listen to that guy.
He's the guy who just wants to run the offense.
Yeah.
It's not like you're talking about another player who's like, I want to get the point or the assist.
CP3 is like, I want us to get the point.
Just trust me and we'll figure this shit out.
And it is looking very likely that the Suns could not play the Nets, but maybe the Bucks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's sad.
I mean, look at what happens.
So Hardin goes down with the hamstring injury.
It looks like he might not even play this series.
I wouldn't think so.
Hamstring is usually a nagging injury.
Nagging injury takes a little while.
Kyrie turns the ankle.
Yeah, badly.
Badly turns the ankle.
So he's going to be limited.
Maybe not come back until who knows?
Game six, maybe game seven if they can push.
Yeah.
And PJ Tucker, for whatever reason, is doing a great job on KD.
I think he held KD scoreless in the fourth quarter.
That's wild.
That's crazy.
And nobody's having this conversation about it, which is quite interesting.
But KD not scoring in the fourth quarter of a playoff game when he's the only guy on the team that's out there that's there to score.
That's tricky.
Yeah.
Bucks take two in a row.
It's going back to Brooklyn, but still, it's KD by himself, pretty much.
Yeah.
I mean, no disrespect to the other players on the team, but when you talk about the big three, we know exactly who the fuck we're talking about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.
So because of these circumstances, not because of the talent, because of the circumstances, it's looking like the Bucs could get out of there, which is unreal because you never thought that was going to happen after the first two games.
Nope.
They could actually skate by, and who the fuck knows what happens after that?
They play Philly.
That's not a.
I don't think Philly's a crazy hard game for the Bucs.
You got two guys, the two best players on both teams, possibly.
I guess Embiid's better, but Ben Simmons can't shoot, Giannis can't shoot.
That kind of offsets each other.
You know, usually if there's one player that can't shoot, you just play off of him, and then you're four on five and everything's different.
You got two teams playing four on five.
It's four on four.
Yeah.
I mean, like, I'm not, I'm not that scared of Philly if I'm the Bucs.
I am scared of Brooklyn with a healthy big three.
Yeah, terrified.
But the thing about Kyrie, dog, he's always fucking hurting.
I didn't think it would matter because Harden was an Iron Man.
And Durant, when he has either crazy injuries or no injuries.
Or none, yeah.
It's really interesting to see.
And then it's also, now you got to be a little concerned about KD's health because if KD's got to carry that team, yes, he's rest of the Achilles.
Yeah.
But you don't know what type of other injuries are just kind of lingering.
And because you get to take some plays off, you don't put that type of pressure on it.
But now that you're going to be the focal point of that offense and you're going to be going hard against a guy who's been busting his ass playing D on you, you never know what could happen.
I would not be surprised if a KD injury pops up in the next couple games.
I mean, there's a limit to what you can put your body through.
Yeah.
And he's going to have to surpass that limit to carry the team.
Yeah.
I think this is the most Brooklyn way to do it.
You get all the heat.
Everybody's all about Brooklyn.
Yeah.
It's just such a Brooklyn way to handle it.
And all the tension is on you.
And then you get so close, but somehow it just gets fucked up in the end.
You're ready to be the borough.
And somehow it just gets fucked up in the end.
After the first two games, people thought they were going to sweep.
I know.
They go from beat their ass.
I know.
And now, fuck.
And they were up one with seven seconds left in game three.
They win that game.
Who gives a fuck?
Kyrie can come back for game seven, even if he turns his ankle.
So who gives a shit?
But they lost that game because Drew Holiday had this nice little game-winning spinning layup.
And then that changed everything.
KD came damn close on a great shot, like hard shot.
If they win that game, the series is over.
They lose that game in the final seven seconds.
Now they get blown out of here, and Kyrie is hurt, and they might lose two more for this, maybe.
And now everything is different.
And if you're the Suns, wouldn't you like to play the Bucs?
I would like to play the Bucs.
Or the 76ers?
I'll be honest, I don't want to play the 76ers.
What?
Ben Simmons is just, he creates so many defensive matchup issues.
Like, if I'm them, I'm putting Ben Simmons on Devin Booker.
I'm just going like, yo, a big long body, just get your hand up and fuck up the fuck up the, what's it called?
The shot, but like the form.
Like a lot of times you can disrupt a shot before it gets here.
Disrupt it on the way up.
Have them like reaching out to get around your hand or something.
It's like, remember when Tayshon Prince would cause matchup problems back in the day?
He played for Detroit.
Long.
He's like almost like a seven-footer.
And he just had that length.
So it's like, put some fucking length, throw some length at Devin Booker and try to disrupt that shooting and then make CP3 do it by himself.
He's not going to be able to.
Yeah, but he can run an offense.
I think that can exploit any mismatches.
You know, I didn't know.
I heard CP3 chose the Sun.
He wanted to go to the Suns.
He saw it.
Yeah.
Somebody, I don't have many sources, but I got a guy that was like, CP3, no, he, pretty much every team except OKC, he was like, I want to go there.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Well, if it's every team except one.
Houston traded him, but every other team was like, No, I want to go to Houston.
I want to go to Clippers.
I want to go to Phoenix.
Every other time he's been traded.
He went to.
Oh, okay.
Every time he's been traded, he's had control over where he wants to go.
And he saw something in the sunset.
They went ain't no in the bubble, but we were like, we didn't see this.
Yeah.
And he was like, nah, you put me there.
There, I can fucking make things.
Because that was the issue with Hardin, right?
Is like he had his guy who could shoot the fucking lights out.
Yep.
But he wasn't willing to be subservient.
No.
And they got into beef on the bench.
Remember when they were like barking at each other and shit?
Yeah, 100%.
He said, listen, I can't deal with Art.
Harden was like, I don't want to deal with that ego.
It was kind of dumb of Houston because where'd Harden do literally a year later?
Out.
Out of here.
So you get rid of CP3 for the guy who leaves you in a game.
And you gave up the bag to get rid of CP3.
Get acid.
Draft pick, draft pick, draft pick.
Let's get this guy out of here.
Yeah.
And I didn't hate it at the time, but now I see what CP3 saw in himself.
If you put me there with these young kids, I can make sure that.
I can make shit happen.
Yeah, it's interesting.
I might start watching.
Probably not.
But I might start watching playoffs.
We'll see.
This is the time to get into it because you invest for about a month and then you're good.
And then we're out of here.
What else we got?
Did you hear about the Christian Erickson thing?
Oh, yeah.
This was really interesting.
Wild, yeah.
It's kind of wild.
There's like a few interesting pieces to it.
So basically, Christian Erickson is this Danish football or soccer player.
He plays for Denmark.
Yep.
And they're playing Finland.
And in the middle of the game, like right at halftime, he just collapses on the field.
And then they have to bring the like the AEP machine to shock him back to life.
They got to do like heart resuscitation.
Clear.
Yes.
All that shit.
The team forms like a wall around him.
His wife comes out on the field.
They're like filming her.
It's this whole thing.
He died.
And basically, yeah, he died on the field.
He died on the field.
Then they brought him back.
Brought him back.
He's like, I think semi-conscious as they're taking him off.
He goes to the hospital.
Then they end the game.
Yeah.
And then.
Well, no, they started playing again.
Fortunately, after they kind of figured out that he was stable in the hospital, they resumed the game, I think, an hour and a half later.
And then they finished the game.
And then Finland won, actually.
So the team that he was not on, they lost.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
So kind of borrow.
But it raises.
Of course.
Were they already losing?
No, it was 0-0.
I almost saw my teammate die.
You can maybe play in an hour and a half.
So that's my question.
I'm like, you won't see your teammate die.
Should you play the game that you can wait a day, dog?
I mean, I would play it.
You should win the game.
You got to win the game.
He's got to win the game.
He's also the best player.
Yeah, he plays on Intermilan.
He's amazing.
Exactly.
Yeah, because he gives his all.
These other motherfuckers ain't giving it their all, bro.
Like, you play to the point.
I mean, this is the Euros, right?
Yeah.
So anybody who doesn't care about soccer, which is me as well, but every two years, they do basically a World Cup for Europe, which is called the Euros.
They do it every four years.
Sorry, every four years.
But it's staggered with the World Cup.
Yeah, yeah, my bad, my bad.
You should probably explain all this.
But it means a lot to them.
You know how America, we don't care about the Nationals.
Because who cares?
FIBA, international basketball.
Yeah, we don't care about these things because we know we're going to win the major tournaments.
So why do we care about this little thing here?
But in Europe, it really matters.
Winning a Euro is a huge accomplishment, right?
Like it could be like a stain on your legacy if you don't win a Euro.
I think I remember when Cristiano won for Portugal, right?
Like he won, even though that motherfucker didn't play in the last game.
Right?
But yeah, people are like, oh, wow, that's a huge leg up that he has on Mezi.
Mezzi's never won whatever cup it won.
World Cup, like Copa America.
I don't know if they have.
Yeah.
So, okay, so this is a big fucking deal.
The guy's playing his ass off.
He's giving everything.
So now a lot of people on Twitter are also pissed because they go, oh, why is ESPN and BBC and all these media sites, why are they broadcasting him getting resuscitated?
Why not?
What else are you going to broadcast?
Can't go to commercials during a soccer game, right?
That's what I'm saying.
Y'all.
So I'm like, y'all decided no commercial breaks.
It was complicated.
They were like, you think they don't want to show that?
They want to show commercials.
They want to make money.
They're in the business of making money, not the business of showing motherfuckers to get picked up.
Exactly, but there's nothing to do.
They didn't sell anything.
You don't think they want to have the McDonald's commercial going?
Opening the Country Completely00:03:37
This is also how you get a heart attack.
Right?
They would love that.
But this is what they have to show.
This is the most action all game.
The game is 0-0 anyway.
That's the most exciting thing that happened.
That's funny.
Yeah.
Of course, you're going to show it.
Oh, my God.
Son, how you are game is 0-0 at the half.
That shit is.
I know.
Do you think that's unethical?
Do you think that's unethical?
I don't know.
It's conflicting because it's like they're like showing this.
They're showing the wife crying on TV.
And it's like, all right.
Nah, that's that's important, though.
Wait, what?
Because, I mean, what if she's some gold-digging bitch that like was about to get half and she's like, yeah, don't do that defibrillator.
We're defibrillating.
Let God work.
Yeah.
You know, like that, if she was crying, that means you know that she really loves him.
That's beautiful.
Okay.
So in that case, it's fun.
Why do you get a heart attack?
You're just running around.
Aren't they in the best shape?
Yeah.
Fuck you guys.
That's how much he's going for.
And then that's the other thing that was wild.
Is that literally the team's like physician had to come out like today, actually?
And he was like, he didn't get vaccinated.
Because there was basically this big Twitter shit basically being like, oh, apparently all the players had to get vaccinated.
And then his physician had to come out and say, no, you're not going to be able to do it.
And there is a thing that's fine about being vaccinated.
No, like there was miscommunication where it's like, does he have to be vaccinated or not?
Oh, fuck.
That's the thing I don't understand, though, because I thought they all ought to be vaccinated.
They should be.
So they're telling NBA players to be vaccinated too, and LeBron is not.
So he's not.
Yo, I got it's time to open up the country.
It's time to open up the country 100%.
I started to do the math.
You said this like it was a new take.
No, no, no.
But this is, I understand.
You made a song called Open Math.
I know we put out a song, but now I did the math, and we really need to open up.
Have you been bugged about it?
How was that equation?
I'll show y'all.
No, he got bugged about it.
He went to the van.
He had to get these shit pills last night and they were supposed to kick in this morning and they just kicked in right now.
So I have to go take an explosive shit.
I have to take an explosive shit, but real quick, this is why you got to open up the country.
And I'm going to say this really fast because I have to shit my pants.
You have to open up the country.
This is why.
And it's only America.
And by the way, we can open up the country to other people traveling to us as well.
Even if you're not vaccinated, whatever you are, bring that S. You are good to come over here.
Okay.
This is why we can open up the country.
Everybody in America who has wanted to get the vaccine was able to get it by now.
At least one shot.
You were able to get it by now.
If you haven't been vaccinated by now, it's because you're either lazy or you're an anti-vaxxer.
Now, everybody who's been vaccinated is safe to carry on with life as usual, right?
You have the vaccine.
You don't need to wear a mask.
You don't need to do any of these things.
Everybody that is an anti-vaxxer or refuses to get vaccinated has been wanted us to get back to normal and not wear masks and do that kind of stuff because they're saying, I'm willing to take the risk.
I'm willing to take the risk of getting Corona.
It's okay.
Run it back.
So who the fuck are we protecting with wearing masks and social distance policies?
There's no point anymore.
The vaccinated people are like, well, I'm doing this so we can get back to normal.
The people who are not vaccinated are like, son, let's get it.
Let's go.
I'll take the risk.
Who are we protecting?
Nobody.
It's time to open it up completely.
There shouldn't be a single social distancing rule.
There shouldn't be a single mask rule.
Everything should be back to normal.
We've had enough time.
These other countries that can't get vaccines, you do you.
But now everybody could get the vaccine if they wanted to.
How did you not think about this before the song open her up?
I thought that was the whole reason we had the song: you did this math.
I was trying to be provocative.
I was trying to get the kids going.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because we need to save you some money.
All right.
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Bachelor Bachelorette National Story00:15:40
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When it comes to insurance, it's nice to get it right.
Now let's get back to the show.
All right, guys, we got some shows coming up, okay?
St. Louis.
I got some great news.
Okay.
St. Louis has been sold out for a couple months, but guess what?
That state just opened it up a little bit more.
So we got some more tickets for sale.
Go there right now, d'andrewschultz.com.
Use the website.
Get those tickets immediately, immediately, immediately.
I'm stoked as fuck to show that more people can get into those shows.
So go there, get that right now.
The infamous tour is coming.
Go get your tickets while they're still available.
The shows that are sold out, I'm sorry, guys.
That's what it is.
Go get them right now.
D'AndrewSchultz.com.
Obviously, we got plenty of cities.
But yeah, we're starting up in Dallas, Houston, Tucson, Los Angeles, Oklahoma City, Detroit, Milwaukee, San Diego, Austin for the special.
We also will have an announcement for a couple new cities.
I'll tell you guys about that probably next week.
But yeah, go get those tickets.
Go get those.
Check out those shows.
And Akash, what you got cooking up?
This week, Kansas City, Thursday through Saturday, I'm going to be at the Comedy Club of KC, July 1st through July 3rd.
And I'm going to be in San Diego at the American Comedy Club.
July 22nd through 24th, I'm going to be in Baltimore in Magoobi's Joke House.
And August 5th through August 8th, we just added this show in Naples.
I'm going to be back in Florida, my future home at Off the Hook Comedy Club.
And this is also just announced September 23rd through 25th.
I'm going to be at the Moontower Comedy Festival in Austin.
So bring that ass through.
AkashSing.com for tickets.
And guys, if you're in the New York area looking for a place to film your podcast, come over to WTF Media Studios in Soho, New York.
If you need help building out your studio or home studio, you can also book a consult session with me at WTFmediastudios.com.
And now let's get back to the show.
All right, and we're back.
Important thing that I want to say, a very important message.
Huge congratulations to our buddies Saga and Jetty and Crystal Ball, who is his partner.
And they went independent.
They trusted themselves.
They trusted their fan base.
They trusted their supporters.
And they left The Rising, which was part of The Hill.
I don't even know what the so many names to that fucking show.
I just saw it as Sager and Crystal.
And they started their own thing.
And I think it was like their third day in.
They were the number one politics podcast on the planet.
I mean, like, they really are just killing it out there.
So go check out their stuff.
If you want to go to a place for your information that is willing to call out both sides.
I mean, Sager is conservative and Crystal is liberal, but they both call out the bullshit of their political parties and they give the news great perspective.
He's always bummed by someone that I go to to get, I think, a clear perspective on you.
It is important.
Yeah, they are very important.
And like, I'm just, I'm proud of them for going for it and trying it and taking that risk.
I mean, like, you know, Sager is a young guy.
He's hungry and he's willing to risk take Crystal got kids.
It's hard when you got kids, you know, to like take that risk.
Yeah.
Like, you got children to feed.
Yes.
Betting on yourself is a tricky thing, but they fucking did it.
And I really see them being so successful.
So go check them out on YouTube.
Check out the podcast as well.
It's called Breaking Points is the show.
I'm sure you just put their name in.
You'll find it.
But we just wanted to shout them out.
We want to have you guys back on a pod and we love y'all.
So I just want to say that.
But The Bachelorette is Curious About Anal.
And that is an Instagram video that I came across as I was looking on her Instagram.
Now, I want to show you something that's quite interesting.
The reason I know about this is this.
The current Bachelorette, Katie Thurston, took a picture.
What?
Just a crazy transition.
What?
Yeah, we were just giving it up for these political.
She's giving it up too.
It makes perfect sense.
We're finding her breaking point.
So I'm on Instagram and Jared Freed, a comic we've had on the podcast here down in Miami.
Our boy Jared, he does these amazing rants about the Bachelorette.
He also does this live show about The Bachelorette after each episode on his YouTube.
And he took a picture with Katie, the current Bachelorette, after one of his shows in Tacoma.
I guess she's from Washington.
She came out to the show.
So I look and I'm scrolling through her Instagram.
And I, fuck it, I'll just be completely honest.
I noticed that she had more lips now.
And, you know, so I was like, let me go to the back of her Instagram at the end and see if I can find a video from like way back in the day and see if she didn't have as much lips.
Exactly, because it's harder, you know.
So if there's no filter, you can see the video, blah, blah, blah.
So I go back and I just pick a random video.
There's no title for this video or anything.
You can see right now.
There's no title.
It's just a random fucking video that I just pick.
I press play.
I'll press play.
Is this what you do on the toilet?
Yeah, maybe.
This is probably what I do.
Okay, here we go.
Do I start with this question?
I'm going to start with this question.
Have you ever shit on a dick?
I have not, but my friend shit on her husband's dick during anal, and now I'm horrified.
And I just don't know where she went wrong.
Like, ladies, how are you preparing yourself to avoid that scenario?
Like, if I have coffee in the morning, is like anal like off the table for the day?
If I have Taco Bell, is it off the table for a week?
Like, what if you haven't had your daily poop yet?
Or do you do some special like prep work up there?
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's for educational purposes only because I cannot be the only one inquiring.
I just know I'm fucking scared and I need some advice.
Like, I hear it's a game changer, but I am not getting into the arena until I have some details.
Queen.
Queen.
She earned it.
This is a great video.
It's great.
It's funny.
I mean, she's got some punchlines in it.
Yeah.
It's good.
It's very good.
It's just still up on her Instagram.
You know that The Bachelor looked through her Instagram and told her to scrub every single fucking picture that wasn't on brand, whatever.
She was already on The Bachelor by the time this video happened, I think.
Yes, she came in with a dildo, bro.
She what?
She came in with a dildo.
First episode of The Bachelor.
She brought the dilly out.
She was a local friend.
Brought the motherfucking dilly out.
She went from dildo girl to the bachelorette.
That's usually how it is.
If you have a dildo with you all the time, you're a fucking bachelorette.
But she might be the most appropriate thing ever.
What's the biggest thing at a bachelorette party?
Fake dicks everywhere.
Wow.
That's the bachelorette.
On branch.
The bachelorette.
On branch.
They know what they're doing.
But the point is, that's a wild girl.
No, I guess she was out there talking about shitting on dicks, still up on Instagram.
So glad I found this.
And what drew you to this?
Because you shared this on your Instagram.
I shared it on my Instagram.
I shared on my Instagram.
I was like, The Bachelor is about that business.
I mean, I just thought it was interesting.
Look at it.
Try to find the words why he shared this shit on us.
I did.
This girl's talking about shitting on dicks.
She's on an ABC show.
This show's on ABC on prime time.
I'm about to go home after this episode.
I'm going to watch it with my girl.
And the whole time I'm going to look at her, like, she takes dicks in her fucking ass.
You know what I mean?
Like, she's curious.
She said it's a game changer.
She wants the game changed.
Yeah, she did hear it's a game changer.
She wants her shit split.
And not one of those guys on their introductions brought that up.
They ain't doing no research.
They ain't doing no research.
They're bringing a fucking ball pit.
They're doing all this other stuff.
The Catman, the Catman kind of.
Well, how'd the Catman do it?
Cats lick their ass.
Cats lick their ass, but they ain't shoved nothing up there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
None of them.
Light work.
Say what?
Look at his, that's light work.
Dude, how did child's play?
How did a black guy that's on the show not like put up his brown fist?
And what?
I'm seeing where you go.
Keep going.
I'm just saying.
He's like, I would like to continue for this to be brown.
Yeah, he did go where I thought he was going to go.
He's not going to go there.
It wasn't there.
It wasn't whatever.
Oh, fuck.
Damn, dude.
I thought it was kind of close.
I was just thinking of the moment there, dude.
I'm just fucking speaking.
It's called improv.
Okay.
Yeah.
Jeez.
Yes, and Al.
You got a yes and we got to go with it.
Come back to the bathroom.
This girl takes dicks in her fucking cake.
In her what?
I don't know what's happening, bro.
I'm losing it, dude.
She takes damage.
She gets fucked in her ass, guys.
No, but she wants to.
She wants it.
She doesn't get fucked in assisting.
She's curious.
But one of the guys on that show is going to have to deliver dick in fucking butthole.
Oh, fantasy sweets.
Fantasy sweets.
We're going to bring this thing up.
We're going to bring this thing up.
Anyway, I'm very, I'm very proud that I stumbled upon this thing.
Now, good for her.
I liked her.
Midway through this video, I was like, you know what?
This girl, that's a keeper.
She should be the bachelorette.
She got to be the bachelorette.
I'll be honest with you, and I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm pretty sure that this is going to be a news story that's popular now.
And I just want the credit for starting it.
I mean, KFC did his one-minute man about it.
Now, I think it's going to, you know, it's going to start to blow up because why would it not be a big story?
The fucking ABC's Bachelorette takes it in the ass.
Yeah.
Whole.
Or wants to.
Wants to take it on the ass.
That's more exciting.
Which is, why is it so awesome?
I said something I like.
Why is that so awesome?
I too.
Because here's the thing.
Do they do the roses with the bachelorette?
I forget.
I know bachelor damn.
They do roses.
Men don't give a fuck about a rose.
But if that rose comes up with anal, that's a rose I want.
That's a rose that you want.
That's a stinky rose I want.
This rose has thorns.
Yeah.
Yeah, ribbed for no one's pleasure.
Hell yeah.
But this is this is this is not news.
No, it's kind of news.
Oh, it's news.
That shit is news.
I don't know.
You grew up in a different era, I feel like.
Okay.
Like, I grew up.
Everybody didn't want to lose their virginity.
It gets fucked in the ass.
If you grew up Catholic, you get fucked in the ass a lot.
So this doesn't seem weird to me.
No, but like.
I went to school with like professors that would talk about like anal sex.
Like, what?
Yeah.
He went to Catholic school.
That's how they warm him up.
Wait, wait, what the fuck happened?
We had G-Spots in your asshole or whatever lies gay guys tell straight dudes.
You actually believe that shit?
I'm good without.
I come just fine without that.
Go on.
There were like girls at my school that would do like, it was like, they would do like, they would have a booth outside like the library and they do like a like an educational day where they would teach like bondage.
And like they would like to show you how to tie knots and shit.
What school is this?
It's a high school?
It's at my college.
Oh, your college.
That's different.
Yeah, yeah.
Kids are weird in college.
You tie your girl up and then you do some activities.
That sounds brilliant, actually.
Right?
Bondage time.
Hello.
You got bonding time.
We got bondage time.
Yeah, bondage time is sick.
I don't, I'm just not stunned that a girl that's on TV is like talking about anal.
Really?
Yeah.
Name another famous girls on TV talking about anal.
I don't know.
I also don't watch any TV.
So I'm like, I hate this guy, man.
I like this guy.
Yo, yo, if you got sales, this motherfucker taking the wind down.
But like, call her daddy's the biggest podcast in the world.
That's the new TV.
That's my TV.
He just said, he just said, I'm not surprised a girl is on TV talking about anal.
Yeah.
And then you just said, I don't watch TV.
Yeah.
This guy's not.
So what would surprise you or what wouldn't surprise you guys?
You don't know anything about TV.
I feel like my perception of media is like podcasts and shit.
Is call her daddy?
Yeah, exactly.
Those are professional whore talkers.
Okay?
For a living, they have to talk about being horse.
So of course they're going to talk about anal and sucking dicks and all that.
That's the podcast.
An hour a week, you got to do it.
You're going to get to analytically quickly.
You got to have some shit to talk about.
This is about finding love, this show.
It's about finding love and embarking on a journey and finding your person.
Never is it, I'm going to find my person to fuck my ass.
That's a good ass point.
But now we have to look at it like that.
She's looking for the perfect guy to fuck her ass.
That's something she's considering.
Fuck her ass good.
You know what I mean?
She's a massive story.
And I don't like that you're trying to act like that.
She's trying to belittle the story.
Name one of the persons get butt-fucked on TV.
Even the ones that get butt fucked regularly won't even admit it.
Anderson Cooper just became gay.
Colton was a bachelor.
Colton was a bachelor.
Why did he get butt fucked?
He too probably has this post.
He probably liked it.
So I'm going to go see if Colton liked this post on Katie Thurston.
You know what?
LeBron's talking about Taco Tuesday.
What?
Go?
You know what I mean?
That could be a precursor.
That could be a precursor.
Two decades from now, we found out LeBron don't do anal on Tuesdays because that's Taco Tuesday.
That's his night off.
Katie Thurston said no Taco Bell that week.
Yeah.
I'm just trying to say this is a massive story in the Bachelor, Bachelorette World.
Girls are getting piped.
In their butts.
In their butts, dude.
Them turd cutters, bro, are taking cocks.
It's true.
And that is something that should be spoken about on the Flagrant 2 podcast.
100%.
It is weird, I will say, because I don't know any other girls.
Oh, now it's weird.
You don't know any other Bachelorette that would do that.
They would take dick and butt?
That would talk about it.
Oh, they would talk about it.
That's our whole point, Mark.
But like, I'm saying in media, though, I'm like, I don't know.
Like, girls just be talking about.
Yeah, but the whole point is just the Bachelor, Bachelorette.
And to your point, which we made five minutes ago, they don't talk about this shit.
All I'm saying is, this is going to be a national story, and they're going to get crazy ratings, and we're not going to make any money off of it.
We broke the fucking story, bro.
Get your credit, dog.
We broke the fucking story.
Get your credit, bro.
Can you imagine that, bro?
Can you imagine that that?
How's nobody else finding all the fucking losers watching The Bachelor doing all this fucking?
You find every offensive thing anybody's ever said.
Bitches at a party that was once racist or something.
That's a new story.
She's talking about dick and butt.
That's all.
And you don't even care.
Just good old dick and butt fun, dude.
Pakistan and Hindu Blame Game00:09:38
Shit pushed in.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Shit pushed in.
Right?
Come on, bro.
Yo, come on.
There's got to be someone on that show.
Tyler got to come out and say, yo, I'm pushing T, bro.
There's got to be some guy who's about that life.
I like this sex positive girl, man.
I am into Katie Thurston.
You're thirsting for Thurston.
Nah, not like that.
I got a fiancé, bro.
You know what I mean?
I don't need some girl just getting her fucking shithole just torn apart.
You know what I mean?
Right?
No?
Right?
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
Do you approve of her new lips?
Are they new?
I wasn't 100% certified that they were new, but I do like it.
Because I think she's a pretty girl.
And then a little more top lip could be helpful.
And I think she filled in a little more top lip and it looks great.
Yeah.
But I just love the carefree cavalier attitude.
Love it.
It's going to be great.
Great ratings.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
Yo.
God bless this girl.
I think we doubled the ratings.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Guys finally have a reason to watch.
Facts.
I'm telling you, there's steaks in it now.
Who's going to fuck this girl in the ass?
Who's going to get married?
Guys aren't into that.
Who's going to fuck this girl in the ass?
I think Box Guy.
I want to see.
I think Box Guy closed it out.
You think Box Guy closed it out?
Why?
Box guy?
Come on.
His whole thing is boxed.
She's not in the box.
Hey, baby.
He's dropped it in the butt.
He's out of the box.
Yeah, but he's out of the box.
You got to watch this show, bro.
Yeah, you want to get it.
It's too inside.
I don't think so.
Come on.
You're going to have to go murdering people on Brooklyn Streets.
Just let you drown, son.
He just drowned, son.
Give me thumbs up forever.
You murdered somebody, bro.
You murdered someone, bro.
So you pleaded the fifth is what you're saying.
Yeah.
Wow.
Nervously.
No, don't help me.
I don't think I'm dying.
I'm on his phone right now.
You on your phone, bro.
Listen, somebody got to think of something to talk to on this guy.
Talk about, rather.
Okay.
Fucking spit it.
Yo, now I'm starting to think you murdered somebody.
Andrew's got defensive.
Hey, I think he might have it.
I think he might have it.
I kind of want to see where he goes with it.
Somebody's going to be able to do it.
Yo, Andrew is back.
Andrew is back.
Thank you.
The fun analyst.
Nothing's better than analyzing fun.
Andrew is give us your color commentary on fun.
Yeah, Andrew.
You on your phone.
We had to make some kind of comment.
I was doing it.
I think you're getting defensive about this murder.
Okay.
I think you might have been involved in some way.
Okay.
Okay.
I think you might be involved.
Is it possible?
Is it possible?
Were you involved or did you know what was going on here?
Did I?
I'm asking you.
Because you won't give.
You're lying and deflecting.
The lies and deflections are back.
You can't just uh-oh, it's with my fans.
That seemed like a good alibi.
Alibi is good.
Why are you even making an alibi?
Why would you even take this seriously?
Why would you even?
I didn't even know about the murder to this morning.
You gotta confess, bro.
Yo, you are a liar, deflector, and murderer.
I know we stitched it out here, bro.
Say what?
I didn't know he stigmatized it.
You literally on yourself.
I started as a joke, nigga.
I didn't think you're actually murdering people outside.
I got to protect us.
We got to go to the tapes.
Dove, we have to go to the tapes.
Nah, unfortunately, Duh.
Don't charge his car.
Yeah.
Fuck.
But also, think about this.
That's my car.
The guy robbed someone's car, right?
The guy, like, he jacked someone's car.
That's why he killed someone?
They were jacking him.
They shot through the car on Mustang.
And they didn't want the Tesla at all.
That's what they.
Because they saw I didn't have the auto charge.
Your guy's car sucked.
Because at night it's a fucking Honda Civic.
If you can't see that logo, it's a Honda Civic.
That's a Paris Accord or something.
It is a Honda Civic, dude.
Yo, you downgraded.
You had an accord, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Now you're down to a civic.
Damn.
I got better gas mileage.
For an Indian, that's all that matters.
Well, there's no gas.
Exactly.
Batteries on my game.
You get worse gas mileage.
It doesn't take gas.
I got infinite miles to the gallon.
No, you don't.
Yeah.
I'm never spending money on gas.
That's massive.
But that's not gas mileage.
You don't get good gas miles or bad gas mileage.
You get the worst gas mileage ever.
The car doesn't take gas.
I saved money.
Horrible gas mileage.
No, I get dude.
You build battery life by breaking.
Wow.
Wow.
That didn't make me sound any better.
But I saved a lot of money on gas.
I saved myself.
That did not make me feel any better.
But I'm saving money on gas.
But think about that.
A guy is a car thief.
He's going around to steal people's cars.
Yeah.
And he saw your car, which is now your car.
Yeah.
And he just kept going.
Maybe.
Did you tell him about it?
Bro, there was a person sitting in the did you tell him about the other deal that you have for the uh the Tesla?
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Where are you making money?
Trough.
Trough, truff.
He has another offer.
Oh, shit.
You got another offer.
Tough of backup.
This is my first experience working with Indians.
You got cold feet, bro.
You got cold feet.
Hedging.
Oh, hey, hedge all you want to, dog.
I'm hedging too.
Hedging brought to you by Manscaped.
Oh, that was good.
Yeah, the trouble.
That was good.
I like it.
I'm hedging too, dog.
I got three Tesla offers out there.
You don't even know.
Three.
Okay.
Three model threes.
What's the down payment?
I don't know.
I had made that up.
So think about that.
All right.
You talk your shit.
I'll make up offers on.
Tesla has been to war.
It's been battled.
It's witnessed.
I know.
It's got the scars to prove it.
Yeah.
Motherfucker dent in my car, dog.
I can't believe it.
I honestly got the cop today.
It was like, was the car shot?
Have you gone around?
They had the little CSI little things around.
I told them they put the debt in that shit.
Oh, that'd been brilliant.
Yeah, you're not.
Your truffling's off.
You wouldn't have paid for that.
No, your truffle is way off.
Idiot.
Way off.
Way off.
Come on, dummy.
Way off.
Okay, what other things do we have?
Oh, Chrissy Teigen apologized.
Did you see her long apology?
Who cares?
Let's talk about it.
I'm talking about, I'm just put off by her at this point.
I was on her side for a long time, and now I'm like, all right, come on.
That's enough.
I mean, she went.
Never on her side.
Nah, bro.
And everybody was being so hard on her because she was fucking.
She lost her baby and took pictures.
I was like, guys, she lost a baby.
Let her take some pictures.
I mean, what's the fuck are you talking about?
I just said the exact opposite.
Take the tape.
Also, that's a very reasonable take, though.
Our guy was like, dude, I defended this girl once.
Like, I'm her biggest fan.
Her kid died.
And people were critical of her.
And I was like, leave her alone.
Yeah, I'm a reasonable person.
You really went out on a limb for that.
Damn.
Balls of steel.
No, you're a hero, dog.
No, for real.
I'll be having hot tapes.
You're a hero, dude.
I think so.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I take the unpopular side.
Who else have you supported?
I support the troops.
That's what's up.
You know what I mean?
Which ones?
I support religions.
Which troops?
Yeah, you don't support other countries' troops.
No, only trying to fight us.
You know what I mean?
The American troops on Memorial Day.
I'm very strong.
You could make the argument that you exclusively don't support brown troops.
Damn.
Wow.
Most of the brown troops.
Most of the brown troops you don't support.
You support the troops that fuck them up.
Yeah, I'm fine with that.
That's how you feel.
I'm fine with that.
Yeah.
What religion is us brown troops?
Taking a Tesla from a Jew, I support.
That's true.
What religion of those people?
What brown dude is this motherfucker don't care, bro?
He don't care about his brown people.
You don't care about the Daisy community.
You care about a small community.
I don't care about a Daisy community.
Whoa.
He's a Disi community.
Oh, shit.
Oh, I got you with the pronouns.
In America, pronounce it right.
It's Daisy.
It's the Daisy.
Yeah.
We don't care about accents around here.
Gotcha.
You should know.
You support the troops that kill accents.
I can't think of anything more dissy than not supporting people who aren't my religion.
Wait, go on to that.
Go on on that.
These guys are killing Muslim troops.
Oh, that's when you throw up the arm as a Hindu.
Enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Really?
I keep it trilled, dog.
I keep it trilling.
Are you the reason?
Are you guys the reason why there's so much animosity and anger in the jihadist community?
What do you mean?
Is it your I'm listening?
I'm just saying, maybe you guys are causing all this jihad.
And they take it out on us.
And then they take it out on us.
Tell me how.
Hit it.
I'm just saying.
I mean, bin Laden, where did he go when he had to hide?
Pakistan.
Pakistan.
Why does Pakistan exist?
Because y'all hate Muslims.
I'm just saying 9-11's really Hindu's fault.
Kind of Hindu's fault.
It's kind of the Hindu people's fault, bro.
He just did the math.
Yo, that's kind of crazy.
And he would have been able to do it fast if he was Chinese.
Are you violating yourself?
No, now, now, now I'm getting the pussy.
You could make the argument 9-11 was really the Hindu community's fault.
Yeah, but just watch your community.
When they're treating off Muslims, watch your fucking mouth when you talk about meth.
That's where you watch your mouth.
I mean, 9-11 is the Hindu's fault.
Math.
Watch your fucking mouth.
That's it.
Watch your fucking mouth.
If that's the breaking point.
There it is.
That's the breaking point.
That's the breaking point.
Okay.
What else have we got?
Anything else, boys?
Male Prostitute Experience00:11:50
We out of here.
Yeah, Chrissy Teagan, apologize.
Oh, it's so long.
I tried to look through it.
It was so many.
It was so many.
I messaged it to you, I think, Mark.
Did you look at it?
No, then I started looking through it.
It was so many.
It's just page after page after page.
So it's written?
Yeah, no, it's text typed page after page after page.
But here's it.
Like, you just said you wanted a girl to die.
Just say, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said I wanted the girl to die.
That's it, right?
Well, how much apology do you need?
It's too much, dude.
I mean, come on.
Hi, all.
It's been a very humbling few weeks.
Get to the apology, bro.
In reality, I was insecure, immature in a world where I thought I needed to impress the stranger.
And then everybody caps for that shit.
That's the new way to manipulate people: play on your insecurity.
Like, I'm going to publicly admit I'm insecure.
So now you'll forgive me for all of my actions.
No, you're still a bitch.
Like, just because you were being insecure when you were being a bitch doesn't mean that you're not a bitch.
If I feel insecure and then I punch you in your throat, I'm still an asshole.
It doesn't make it less painful for you.
But this is this new thing that, like, now that everybody's therapized, like, we know what's like going on in our emotions.
And we're like, this was the real catalyst for my actions.
No, you being a cunt is the catalyst for your actions.
Everybody has feelings and some people control them better.
We all feel insecure at times.
We all feel like shit.
I am sure millions of times have done things on this podcast because I feel insecure.
I'm still an asshole for doing those things.
That's what you say.
You say, I'm an asshole.
Not I was feeling sad and I was feeling insecure.
No, you're an adult that couldn't handle their own actions.
That's who you are.
You're an adult that couldn't control themselves.
That's what you get to be accountable for.
You don't get to walk off scot-free for being insecure.
Welcome to fucking life.
Yeah, I don't know that defense.
If I'm that girl and you told me to kill myself and then you go like, oh man, I was just really insecure about it.
I'm not just going to be like, oh, okay.
Oh, yeah.
Why don't you just marry an old man when you're 17 then?
Because you're insecure.
That helped me.
That made things a lot better for me.
I married an old rich guy.
Did she get the money from that?
Huh?
Did that girl get the money from that?
I mean, she found a way.
I hope so.
She got some money.
I don't know if she got all his money, but she got some.
Respect.
Hell yeah.
And if she didn't, she wasn't stuck in the dengue land good.
Right?
Like, if you're out there and you don't have some sort of like settlement or whatever like that, your pussy ain't shit.
If you fucking an old ass man and he don't carve a little something out for you, pussy ain't shit.
That's like the baseball stat?
That's sex work.
I mean, is it?
Yeah.
Hey, God bless her, man.
She's a sex worker.
And if the man didn't want to pay for his services, that's probably on you.
You know, you probably can do a very good job.
But is it sex work if we leave our wives money?
Like, if you leave your girl money, is that sex work?
All sex is kind of sex work if you put it like that.
Yeah, like you, you're opening it up.
Open her up, darling.
You know what I'm saying?
Open her up.
Open her up.
You know what I mean?
I'm just saying.
Is it?
Yeah, all sex work.
All sex, sex work?
Probably.
Yeah, in a roundabout way.
You kind of want something from it.
I know.
I don't believe in sex work.
You might be doing sex work.
You might be having sex.
I've had sex work before.
No, no, you might be doing it.
You might be a male prostitute.
I'm getting paid for this in different ways.
In love, affection.
We're all sex workers, bro.
We might all be sex workers.
I don't subscribe to that.
That's disgusting.
You can love your women like that, bro.
I'm talking about me.
That's disgusting that you talk about your women like that.
That they would pay for sex.
That your women would pay you for sex.
Like, y'all are worth it.
You know, if they want to pay for sex, they get some good dick.
Not y'all's virgin dicks.
Don't even know how to fuck pussy.
Neither of y'all dicks.
Bunch of losers.
You know what I'm saying?
I wish I could argue with you.
I wish I had it.
Arrogance of both of y'all.
I think I might have arguments of both of y'all have arguments.
Yeah, my girl's paying for this dick.
For what?
I think she is.
I think she would.
Yeah.
You pay for experience.
It's a barter system.
Bro, I have a lot of experience.
What?
Regular?
Three times a week, four times a week, five times a week.
Oh, he kind of stunted right now.
Six times a week?
That motherfucker got experience.
Oh, six times a week for four years, bro.
More than me.
That's not bad.
More than me.
You add it all up hours-wise.
It might work out.
So you don't got nothing to do, son.
Fuck it so, bro.
You got work to do out there.
There's no way six times a week.
There's no way.
Six times a week.
There's no way.
Well, you just take over.
He's on the road.
Laura's bad a week.
Maybe nine.
Maybe nine times.
Maybe ten.
I don't know how many.
Ten times a week.
There's no way.
Double digits.
Maybe.
Double digits.
Suck.
Dumb knows the deal.
He does say amazing, bro.
Guy's crazy.
Nah, he's out of P, bro.
Come on.
Motherfucker been looking for an apartment for the last three weeks.
That's why I can't find one, bro.
You're distracted.
Dick it.
That's why you don't get one.
They're like, we don't want nobody fucking in this room with this goddamn motherfucker.
My security buzz is four times my rent, dude.
I can't afford this shit.
I don't think so, man.
I think it's cap.
I think it's cap.
But both of y'all are arrogant.
That's all I got to say.
I have to try to make that argument.
Notice Alan.
I'm not making that argument.
I know how much my dick is worth.
How much is it worth?
Crypto.
You know what I'm saying?
You might buy it for the high.
That shit gonna feel awful tomorrow.
All red.
Red everywhere.
Red everywhere.
100%.
You still buy it?
Yeah.
You lied.
No, I did.
I bought last week.
I didn't buy nothing.
I know you ain't putting $2 in or some shit like that.
Where's it at right now?
$40.
Oh, it went back up.
Because this motherfucking big old hedge fund guy said he wants 5% of his whatever in it.
That's the thing about crypto.
Whatever the big swinging dick says, then the shit jumps with it.
So that's why.
You just got to hope a bunch of big swinging dicks say it.
Because the whole thing is built on nothing.
And Tesla said he's going to start accepting Bitcoin again.
He did?
Yeah.
When he said that?
Pussy.
Does this guy need to go to prison?
My motherfucker pussy said.
Oh, it's bad for the environment.
Cuck.
Yeah, he said now they cord ass bitch.
He found ways to mine using clean energy all over the place.
Oh, like he didn't know that.
It must be his clean energy.
He didn't know that.
Why don't you use them shingles that you got?
Shingles?
He's got shingles?
Motherfucker got shingles on the roof.
Yeah, Tesla Solar.
Right?
Tesla solar.
Use some tester solar to mine that shit.
But he came down with the case of the shit.
My father got shingles, bro.
Right?
He don't got shingles?
Ain't they called shingles, bro?
Yeah, I don't know if he had chicken pox or not.
I don't know, but that motherfucker has shingles.
And you could use it.
Mine it.
Use that.
Do whatever you got.
Bump that shit back up so I can sell it, bitch.
You know what I mean?
What is the day you're going to sell your coins?
The second that shit is worth more.
$1 more.
$1 more.
Once my shit is worth $1 more more.
What's your average bias?
I don't know how that works.
So you don't know how you're going to sell it.
I don't even know how much I spent.
I don't know how much.
I won't even know when I made my business.
You didn't even push this button.
Say what?
You didn't even push this button.
I did push his button.
Yeah.
Young pumps.
Young pumps.
Pump pump pumped it up.
That's what he did.
He pumped up the value in that crypto.
That's what he motherfucking bitch.
It's unbelievable.
Are we playing King or Cuck?
King or Cuck.
King or Cuck is a fun game.
Okay, go.
All right, just a good clue.
King or cuck.
King or cuck.
Okay.
Apparently, the real Wasabi won the best in show at the Westminster Dog Show.
You saw that?
Shit.
King.
Okay, that's King.
King.
All right.
Christian Erickson collapses during the game.
Cuckoo.
Super cuck.
Yeah, yeah.
Super cuck.
But he lived up.
But he lived later.
Yeah, but he's a cuck for collapsing after playing soccer.
Use your hands.
He's fucking running.
Yeah, he's running around, dude.
God forbid he runs a marathon.
He fucking dies on the spot.
Dude, what a go!
All right, all right, okay.
So, all right, Joe Kids gets a flagrant too.
Cuck.
Okay.
He's a king.
Cuck call.
He's a king, DeSantis band's critical race theory.
King, bro.
I think King.
He's a king.
I think King.
That's a king.
That's ballsy.
I mean, that guy is supreme, dude.
He is supreme.
He is supreme.
Dude, he's got a whole clan.
His whole clan.
He's the master, right?
His whole clan is supreme.
He really is a master when you think about it.
All right, the son's sweet.
Huh?
The son's sweet, the series?
King.
Yeah, Kings, yeah, of course.
Boris Johnson.
Cuck.
Fuck that, motherfucker.
Cuck.
Pass.
Joe Biden, though.
Cuck King.
I'm telling you, Boris Johnson was passive aggressive.
Fuck that.
That's cuck shit, but also Joe Biden got cucked.
But I didn't like the way that Boris Johnson was talking with his little mumbling.
I hated it.
That?
Son.
Yeah, yeah.
Stuttering ass.
Yeah, stop it.
Cut that shit out, cuck.
Kyrie Irving sprains his ankle.
Cock.
Cuck.
Cuck, sprain your ankle.
Fuck, does that?
You want a runway and fucking heels, bitch?
You sprain your ankle for?
You're wearing high tops.
What are you spraining your ankle for?
Like, let's go.
You know how to jump up and land?
You never jumped in the air and land on your feet?
Remember when I was out for two years?
All right, Netanyahu gets ousted by Israeli parliament.
He got cucked.
Netanyahu got cucked.
Why are you looking Dove all depressed in the chair?
No, Dove's happy.
Looking like I took your Tesla.
How does he change?
Dude, cucked.
He did get cucked, but it's probably for the better.
It's for the best, but he got cucked and Dove.
I'm sitting here saying it's for the better.
I know absolutely nothing about Netanyahu's bosses.
Feelings no facts.
Feelings no facts.
And the fact that he just let them oust him like that is monumental.
How do you get ousted?
Son, you got ousted.
Literally, your wife is just getting blazed open right now.
It's just getting fucking blazed by some giant Palestinian, dude.
That is got, he's gotten cocked, dude.
He's getting cucked.
Some Palestinian is throwing rocks on your wife's box, bro.
Dude, super cucked right now.
100%.
He got cucked.
That's facts.
All right, Jokovich wins the French Open final.
Cuck.
He's super cucked.
Why does he get cooked?
How do you lose anything in France?
Anything in France right now?
Yeah, it's just cuck, dude.
If you're French anything, you're cucked, dude.
Honestly, don't even say R of Wa to me when you don't even say like bon appetite, cuck.
Dude, if you're a waiter and I'm about to eat and you say bon appetite, I'll take the plate and I'll flip it over around the fucking table.
Clean this shit up.
Real talk, okay?
Kamal Harris.
What would you throw at Adam?
Why would you just wait for him?
Cuck.
There you go.
All right.
Lamar Odom knocked out Aaron Carter.
Lamar Odom?
King.
King, yeah, you got it.
Aaron Carter.
King.
Cuck.
Aaron Carter, cuck.
No, you think he's cuck?
Aaron Carter's a cuck.
I think he's king for that.
Why is he king?
He got in the ring with.
Got a ring with a guy seven feet tall.
Yeah.
That's king shit.
That's king shit.
That's king shit, bro.
That's fair.
Bryce Hall, TikToker, gets knocked out.
Cuck.
Cucked.
The guy that knocked him out?
King.
King.
All right.
Polo G was arrested in Miami after an album release party.
Cuck.
King.
Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Fake arrest.
Fake arrest?
Oh, you think so?
Yeah, planned.
The whole thing is planned.
Why he get arrested, Mark?
Apparently, he just got pulled over after the thing, and then he was like resisting arrest.
But he wasn't even driving the car.
Plant.
The whole thing is planned.
Cuck.
Or he was just blacking a cup, pulled him over, and then put him in jail.
It's one of those plant.
Boost Alabama sales.
Plant.
Cuck.
You want to get like real arrests?
The murder is downstairs.
This is our life.
We know what fucking shit is going on down here.
Some of us better than others.
All right.
Last one.
Yo, New York is fucking crazy right now.
Wow, yo.
Motherfuckers is getting shot.
Pow.
All right.
Nate Diaz.
King.
King, bro.
King shit only.
All right.
Lastly, Israel out of Sonia.
King, bro.
With the Cobra.
King Cobra out here, bro.
Guys have been flagrant too.
Don't be a cuck.
Be a king.
We'll see you next week.
King or cuck.
Peace.
Oh, also, we'll see you on Patreon this Friday.
Join the asshole army.
Join the asshole motherfucking army.
Join the asshole army.
Patreon.com/slash flagrant school.
We'll see you over there.
New episode every single week, but you already know that.