Aaron Berg joins Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh to dissect the "Corona Killed #MeToo" documentary, arguing the FBI entraped informant Christian Dawkins into a college bribery scheme involving Nike and Adidas rather than exposing genuine corruption. They debate pandemic logistics like UFC island relocation and Dr. Drew Pinsky's contradictory health claims before analyzing how financial insecurity drives people toward authoritarian measures, contrasting this with libertarian views on bailouts. Ultimately, the episode suggests that shared crisis experiences may forge universal connectivity through humor despite political fractures. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Honor and Side Pieces00:14:13
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
I'm here with Akash Singh.
Alex Media is back in the building, everybody.
Alive!
Mark Gagnon, also in the building.
No applause.
Guys, I think Dana White of the UFC might be the greatest promoter ever.
Interesting.
I thought it was Don King.
What happened?
It just got announced today, and I just saw the UFC post this, or someone else post on Instagram, but it looks like it's legit.
Pretty sure it came from the UFC, where Dana White says that they're, because right now they're continuing to put on the fights with no fans.
Right, okay.
Right?
Which is great, because obviously it's nice that they're fans there, but at the same time, I want something to do on a fucking Saturday.
I've watched all of Ozark in a week.
I have to go to the next one.
And fans are tied to the UFC experience, from what I know.
Who cares?
Let's go.
You know what I mean?
Pump in some crowd volume or something.
You can figure it out.
But Dana White is the greatest promoter in UFC history because I saw him or on this picture of him quote saying they're looking to secure an island to do all the fights.
So I guess what they would do is rent out, I'm assuming, rent out the island, maybe create a facility on the island.
I'm not exactly sure how they're going to work this out, but what a genius way.
Control everybody in, everybody out.
Brilliant.
Shitty thing is what happens if you have island electricity, island Wi-Fi, island hospitals.
Island shit isn't America shit.
Island hospitals is the one issue.
That's the one that I'm like.
Have you ever been to an island with electricity and Wi-Fi?
Like, they got to push this out to the world.
That's also true.
That's all.
You know what I'm saying?
Because again, these are pay-per-view.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what island are they going to use?
Branson's Island?
I bet that shit got heller Wi-Fi.
Son, maybe.
The Virgin Islands?
That shit's going to be a fire festival.
It might be.
It might be Firefest, but it's just...
That's a bad look.
It might be Firefest.
But would Firefest be bad if 20 people showed up?
You know what I mean?
Like, there's not going to be that many people.
No, no, I don't think you mean Firefest in terms of people showing up.
Yeah, I think it just...
It's going to calamity.
Nothing's going to work out.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
With the infrastructure being at bad, if it's not trying to support thousands of people, it's just trying to support 50 or whatever.
Right, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
I think it might hold up better.
You know, what he's trying to say is it's not going to be successful.
He wasn't literally saying nobody's going to show up.
But yeah, I just think it's a genius idea.
And right now, you have the opportunity.
I mean, I don't see any boxing promoters trying to put on fights.
I don't see any boxing promoters doing anything, to be honest.
He's continuing to put on fights.
UFC, if it's not already the number one fight sport in the world, it will come out of this as the number one fight sport because we're sitting around Saturday with nothing to do.
We can't go out to the movies.
We can't go to a show.
We can't go to a bar.
You're going to give us some live entertainment on a Saturday?
We've had live entertainment.
The people who are willing.
The people who are willing to say, hey, let's go.
I think WWE is probably whack without an audience.
Yeah.
The people who are willing to be like, yo, who gives a fuck?
The NFL?
Hey, we're still having free agency.
Yeah.
Don't you think it looks bad people are signing a hundred million dollar contract?
No.
We're still having the draft.
We'll go virtually.
Who cares?
People are dying for anything.
People who are giving you anything, as heartless as it is, they're going to win.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
It's just impressive, dude.
I'm like, good for you.
And then Khabib is not going to be fighting.
I don't know if you saw this.
No.
But like, so Khabib was supposed to fight Tony Ferguson.
I think this is a record like fifth time that the fight has gotten canceled, something crazy like that.
And because Khabib can't leave Russia.
Now, everything's negotiable in Russia.
Okay, fair enough.
Literally everything is negotiable in Russia.
Why can he leave, though?
He's saying he can't leave because of Corona and everybody's on a lock team down.
There's quarantine.
It's like, this is Russia, B. Like, you could leave for $100,000.
I guarantee that's all it would take to get you out of the country.
Do you think he's ducking the fight, though?
No, he's not ducking it.
I actually think Khabib is like a good guy.
Like, he's actually like a truly good guy.
Yeah.
And he has like a moral compass that's very strong.
Yo, honor is big with this dude.
That's why he beat the fuck out of McGregor.
It's honor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I think he would have beat the fuck out of him regardless.
Yeah, no, no, no, but like, that's what made it so personal.
Yeah, yeah.
100%.
And so, yeah, so I think that, like, I think the way he looks at it, and this is my assumption, is he's like, look, they're saying we shouldn't travel.
They're saying we shouldn't go outside.
Who the fuck am I to break the rules?
I'm no different than these other people.
He's actually being really humble and not wanting to do it.
Sounds like a good guy.
He's a good guy.
Yeah.
But be a bad guy.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm fucking bored.
April 18th.
I want you to do, I want you to have a nice fight with Tony Ferguson.
I want to see some blood, guts, and mayhem.
And that's going to be perfect for me.
That's how we're going to have a nice little bit of distraction.
We need live events.
Are they postponing for like two months?
Do they have like a date scheduled?
No.
Justin Gaetchy is another fighter.
He's going to step in on super late notice.
Maybe he was training for another fight.
A lot of times these guys are always like in shape.
Yeah.
But so Justin Gatechi has the hardest name to fucking pronounce.
It's G-A-E-T-H-J-E.
Gates.
Not Gates.
Gates is, he's like a real American boy, so he's, I guess, pronounces it that way, but it's probably French or some shit.
But dude, it is, he's going to step in and fight Tony Ferguson.
And I'll be honest with you, I think Ferguson, as good as he is, he's got a lot to worry about because Ferguson does get tagged.
Like, he does get hit.
Yeah.
While he's, you know, very skilled and he's got amazing jiu-jitsu and he's got a really weird style.
He gets touched.
And Gacey is the guy who, if he touches you, you're out.
But is he slow?
Why is he?
No, he's fast.
He's a really good fighter.
Does he have a weakness?
How is he not?
He gets touched too.
Okay.
So it's like, if you have power, he's the type of guy who's going to, they call him the most violent man in the MMA or something like that.
Like, he's coming straight at you.
Yeah.
He's swinging as hard as he can.
And if he connects, you're going down.
But what happens when you come straight at someone and swing as hard as you can?
You expose yourself.
100%.
And you get got.
And then you get got.
So like in boxing terms, this would be the ideal matchup for like a Floyd.
Like, I'm so good at defense.
I'll just keep tagging you up.
Yes.
Now, Tony, as far as I'm concerned, I've just watched highlights of his fights and that kind of stuff.
He's an action fighter as well.
He likes to move forward.
So they're going to move forward at each other.
Which I think benefits Gage.
If Tony was like kind of moving and shaking, like if Tony was like a stylebender, if you will.
Stylebender loves a fighter.
Stylebender would never fight Gacey because the weight is too different.
But if a Gacey-like fighter just came at Stylebender, Stylebunner picks up his fight.
He's a counterpuncher.
A counterpuncher needs a puncher.
Exactly.
Great.
Great trade.
So we'll see what happens.
I'm going to watch it.
I'm just excited there's going to be a fight.
There's a bunch of other good fights on it.
Like, okay, Dana White.
You're ordering.
Do your thing.
You're supposed to put on the fight.
You're supposed to produce the fight.
That's your fucking job.
Now you ought to earn your money.
It's easy to put on a fight when everybody can go.
I don't just go.
That's where the fight is.
I don't know.
I don't usually watch fight sports.
I'll watch Floyd fights.
Yeah.
Floyd had an interesting week, but I think we're going to get into it.
I might order this motherfucking fight.
It's not even a question.
There's nothing else.
That's what I'm saying.
It's the only thing happening.
Yo.
You got to do it.
We got to do some live events.
We've got to figure out a way to do live events.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, now we get.
I mean, the issue always was you're famous.
So you're on the road every weekend.
Yeah.
Ain't no road now.
Yeah, now we've got to figure out a way.
What can we do?
The road is me coming in from Jersey.
That's the road.
That's the road we're taking out here right now in corona times.
Fuck.
So yeah, Floyd had a really interesting week while we're on the fight game.
And this is a very convoluted story.
I might get this wrong.
I'm going to go to Alex to black fact check me.
To black check me.
Black Snopes.
There it is.
Snipes.
Snipes.
Snipe this argument if I make sure I'm making it right.
Yaya Mayweather is Floyd Mayweather's daughter.
Yaya Mayweather is in a relationship with NBA Youngboy.
NBA Youngboy is a rapper.
He's probably the most popular rapper on YouTube right now.
So every time he puts out a video, it really pops off on YouTube.
Right.
There's been songs that are really popular.
Can you name what?
Rich Forever or something like that.
What is it?
Never broke.
I think NBA stands for Never Broke Again.
Yeah, Mark would probably know.
That's more his.
What's a big NBA Youngboy song?
Hold on a second.
But there's something there.
There's something.
He's big.
He's big.
You would recognize him if you saw him, too.
Yaya Mayweather catches NBA Youngboy with his side piece.
Right.
Okay.
Yaya Mayweather starts fighting with the side piece.
It's not a fight the side piece wants, I don't think.
Actually.
Really?
I mean, Mayweather's got to be so disappointed about this.
So the side piece starts beating up Yaya.
Oh, my God, yo.
Yes.
Just embarrassing.
That is the most heartbreaking shit.
Just embarrassing.
It reminds me of that, like, a penguin video.
Do you remember the nature penguin video where like the female penguin?
Remember, we watched it?
The female penguin cheats on the male penguin, and then the male penguin tries to fight the other penguin for the honor of his girl, and then the other male penguin beats the shit out of the shit.
Literally, like, pecks out his eyes.
And then you watch the female walk off with the new dude.
Yeah, and then this one lonely fucking penguin, just Zion Williamson, walks out of it.
He tries to come back, too, and then gets beat the fuck out of him again.
Anyway, so that's what happened.
That exact penguin situation happened with Yaya and the side piece.
Only difference is Yahya Mayweather stabbed the side piece.
Because she's getting her ass beat.
Because she was getting her ass beat.
Do I have this right?
I think I have this right.
NBA Youngboy goes to the hospital as a 36-year-old man.
I feel so pathetic talking about this.
I'm only talking about this because there's nothing else to talk about that's sports related or anything related.
Nothing's happening in the world.
You came to me yesterday.
You're like, yo, what's up with this story?
I was like, I don't got enough patience for that shit.
Who did he end up with at the end of the night?
I think he...
No, well, the last video he posted, he's with Yaya.
So are you sure?
Because I thought he went to the hospital with the side piece and then brought the side piece back.
Not Yahieu.
No, it's not colorful him.
So I saw him.
I saw like tweet synopsis.
And from what I understand, everything you said checks out.
And then I think at the end, he gets back with Yaya and he's at Yaya's house on IG Live.
And then he starts cursing out Floyd.
Bruh.
This guy's wild.
So he starts taking shots at Floyd.
He's wild.
And he goes, I ain't got shit from his daddy.
You know what I mean?
He bought me two sneakers.
I ain't wearing none of them sneakers.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I ain't got shit from his daddy.
Right?
Now, she's sitting there in the back.
This is how you know Floyd is a horrible parent.
She's just sitting there in the back.
She can't even defend her dad after the man that just cheated on her.
Wow, that's a great point.
It's talking shit about him.
You know what I noticed?
Is this how shitty of a parent Floyd is?
The only address Floyd had of it, and this is when you said the side piece beat up Yaya, I said, oh, now this makes sense.
Because yesterday, Floyd posted on his IG, nothing about his daughter.
That's awesome.
A picture of him teaching his son how to fight.
So the next day, the next day, Floyd's doing some PR, right?
So Floyd goes, I've never claimed to be perfect, but I try to be the best parent I can.
Now, you got to claim that shit because of this whole drama with GI.
You only say that when you're far from perfect.
Yeah.
I never claim to be perfect.
Yeah.
That means you real far from perfect.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he's teaching one of his sons how to box.
And I feel bad because I don't know if the son knows it's a PR move.
No, he's so happy his dad is finally spending a moment with him.
You think?
Not with his fucking 40 hoes in a hotel room.
Son, the son is probably the happiest he's ever been in quarantine times.
My dad is finally in the fucking house.
Son.
You think?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kids and dogs are the most exploited thing on social media.
Go on.
Oh, that's a great point.
Everybody, when they want some likes, some nice comments and shit like that, they hold up a little tiny dog or a kid all the time.
They want to get out of something sticky.
Oh, let me put my kid in the video while I'm talking to you or some shit like that.
Or give my kid a kiss in the middle of me addressing some horrible shit I did.
They exploit kids and dogs all the fucking time.
Because we assume.
I've exploited the shit out of my nephew and got mad.
Really?
Hell yeah.
Really?
What were you trying to get out of?
No, I just wasn't.
I wasn't even really trying to get out.
I was just like testing out.
Like, just one picture with him smiling.
He's smiling and just like flooded.
DMs, comments flooded.
Interesting.
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
I guess like we assume if you can treat an animal nice or a kid nice, kid's almost an animal.
If you can treat something helpless nice.
What's animal and like my nephew it until it starts talking?
You know, what the fuck?
It's still a change.
No, kids are an animal.
I mean, how is a kid that different from like a dog or something?
I mean, a crib is kind of a cage.
No top.
A kid, a crib is kind of a cage.
Yeah.
You got less space than fucking Joe Antio or Doc Antio's animals.
You know what I mean?
You just locked it.
Like a prison inmate throwing your fucking glass against it.
That's what I was saying about Trump when they were separating the kids from the parents.
It's like, that's what you do to your kid every night.
Right?
Like, don't you do that literally every single night?
Or every time you go to McDonald's, you throw them in a ball pit?
That was your inside joke premise, right?
It was.
That's how you fix it, is make it a ball pit and then nobody can have a problem.
No, it's fine.
It's like we all, we don't like kids.
Like everybody acts like they fucking like their kids all of a sudden.
Quarantine Inside Jokes00:15:36
And when some shit's going down.
And then all the rest of the time, like Louis C.K. becomes the biggest comic in the world because he hates his kid.
Like, I always hated that shit.
You did hate it and you have like a real sensitivity to like kids and that kind of stuff.
Yeah, I love kids.
Yeah, I know, but like your parents hated you.
Yo, you're wrong about that, son.
You're wrong about that.
My mom loves me.
Okay?
You wrong about it.
Wouldn't know what that's like.
Dad, on the other hand, appreciate you, pops.
Why do you think I relate to Floyd's kids so well, yo?
You got laid off, damn.
Let's hang out.
Yo, man.
It is just, it is, look, none of us have kids right here, right?
That we're aware of in the least.
So it's like, we don't really know about them, but there is something.
You know how like jokes are true in that they tap into a feeling you have?
They might not be true in terms of like a behavior that you exhibit, but they're true in terms of the feeling.
Yeah.
I think you gotta have moments of hating your kids for all these jokes about hating your kids to work.
That makes sense, yeah.
They gotta.
Of course, of course.
So it's like we might tell a racist joke or a homophobic joke or all these types of things.
Like we don't ever do that behavior, but the feeling inside you is real.
Yeah.
There's a little feeling with like Chinese people, why you gotta eat weird shit.
All of us are going through that.
Look what you did.
Look what you did, right?
So since that feeling is in us, the joke, the joke works.
And the deeper it is, the more we laugh at it.
And maybe that's why we like Louie.
Because the number one thing you can't feel is, I fucking hate this kid of mine.
That's literally, I think, where he became famous.
And then everything after that, people are like, oh, I like this guy, and he was a really great comic.
So all these other things worked.
Yes.
But anyways, new special you guys should go download it from his website.
It's just out right now.
I haven't seen it yet.
Have you seen it?
No, but you know how we talked about how comedians should put their specials on Pornhub?
Yeah.
Isn't he the guy that could break that fucking wall down?
That's funny.
I mean, I'm saying that kind of serious.
Like, that's the move.
You got to lean in.
That's funny, man.
I mean, lean in like you did on that hotel room door.
You know that he didn't.
Yeah, you told me.
Yeah.
We know you.
Those girls made up that whole shit.
You two were taking pictures and all laughing about it.
Apparently, allegedly.
That's secret information.
Y'all not supposed to know, but fuck it.
World's coming to an end.
So we're sharing that.
We're sharing.
We're out in all these Me Too bitches, right?
There hasn't been a Me Too this entire quarantine.
Isn't that funny?
See what happens when you stay home in the fucking kitchen.
Can't get me too in the kitchen.
You can't get Me Too by a broom, bitch.
Ask Abner Luima.
Nah, man, that's a Mark Gagnon reference.
It just over my head, yo.
Nah, Abner Luima was the guy that the plunger guy.
Oh, fuck y'all.
I think it was him or Amadou Diallo.
Amadou Diallo, I think.
I think you can spell both their names at the same letters.
Dude, that's a scrabble 30-point word right there.
Abner Luima?
Amadou Diallu.
I'm sorry.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second and pay some bills.
Listen, you're at home, okay?
You're with your girl.
You're with your boyfriend.
You have to deliver.
You have to deliver sexually during this time.
It's not a game, okay?
You spend a lot of time together.
I know you're both annoyed.
You know how you ease that tension?
You know how you calm the room down.
You calm the house down.
You know how you make everybody have a good night's sleep?
You deliver that dick.
I mean that sincerely.
You get Blue Chew to help you out with that.
Plain and simple.
I don't care if you're tired of having sex with your spouse.
I don't care if you're tired of having sex with your partner, your partner.
You need to keep delivering.
Who's going to help you do that to the best of your ability?
Blue Chew.
Okay?
Blue Chew is doing this for free.
They're sending you the chew.
Okay.
All you got to do is pay the $5 shipping.
You go to bluechew.com.
Okay.
Use the promo code Flagrant.
Simple as that.
You get that hard dick.
You deliver the night of your life for your loved one.
You want to have a date night?
You want to have a date night?
You want to stay in?
Okay?
You're not going to be able to go outside, but you're nice.
Get a little drunk.
Get a little whiskey in the system.
Do a little dancing.
Okay.
Fuck watching a movie or watching a show.
Go party.
And then we make an party.
Yes.
Make it.
What'd you say?
We're making a movie.
Make a movie.
100%.
All right.
That's what you got to do.
Blue Chew's going to help you get there.
Shout out to Blue Chew.
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Make sure you use that promo code, FiletGrint, and you will get it for free.
Just $5 shipping.
All right.
Let's get back to the show.
The craziest stat is that domestic violence is all-time high right now.
Is it going up?
And child abuse.
Because them gays, bro, where's Case Rosso?
Them gays can't live with each other.
The lesbians.
I mean, them Lesbos.
Yo, we got to get to calling them Lesbos.
That's a funny ass.
Lesbos is funny.
Hey, it's some Lesbos that just moved into the apartment building.
You think they need help?
Kind of sounds like this shit?
Probably not.
Kind of sounds like Bozos.
Yeah, like Lesbo.
Hey, you little Lesbo.
Hey, Lesbos.
Do you think that he thinks of Lesbos and watching me sit like this with sandals and green socks?
Yeah, they're not saying homo, though.
What do you think they're saying?
Save for Patreon.
Some British cigarette over there.
No, but it's funny.
So I get updates about the coronavirus from the city, and every once in a while they're sneaking, like, oh, if you're having problems at home, call us up.
I'm like the two things they warned us about.
It's coronavirus and then fucked up out.
And son, how do you make that call?
You can't go nowhere.
You can make the call from the next room.
He can hear you, fuck you up more.
Nah, bro.
Nah, bro.
People gotta get fucked up.
People gotta get fucked up, bro.
I don't.
Hey, hey, bro.
Oh, my God.
Hey, bro.
Hey, y'all gotta figure that shit out.
If all you hear is if you just hear slaps, if you suck to your thuds, then maybe you gotta stop.
But if it's just hey, maybe they're watching a really good movie.
You know, they like it.
I mean, and they want an encore.
We can't be spreading this virus, you know?
It's just black people watching comedy.
Moving furniture, throwing pots and pans, yells, and claps, and all that.
Nah, this is a domestic.
The domestic violence shit is wild because I do not feel any of that.
No, no.
This is where the domestic violence comes in.
I really know this is where it comes in.
Alex, Alex, why you've been feeling it, bro?
No, no, no, because you've been like having your little waves.
Because I remember you came in here and you were almost at your wits end.
And now it's like.
What was it about, though?
What was it about?
I don't know.
Like, I don't know.
I know you hanging out with white people because you said wit's end.
Yes, I know.
I was fucking weird.
I'm at my wit's end.
Where you've been this week on a yacht?
What the fuck is this guy talking?
I was at my wit's end.
Yo, yo, I had a roommate.
And you remember my shithole apartment in Brooklyn?
To be completely frank with you, right now.
I think you just reached your wits' end, didn't you?
Yo, Mark got completely frank with us last week.
I mean, something about that seat.
What's inside of you, a dock cider?
So I don't even know what it is.
It's the shoes that you just slide into to go on a ball leather shoes white people wear no socks.
Yo, you remember my old shithole apartment in Brooklyn where it was like the rooms next to each other, you could hear everything?
Yeah, one of my roommates hooked up with a brown girl, and I think she was Middle Eastern or Persian or something.
And I was like, he ain't ready for this.
And apparently, she was with her sister.
First of all, her sister told, said, if you hook up with this guy, your pussy will turn into a toxic waste dump.
Still got her back to the apartment, and then the sister's calling, and it's just brown girl drama for no reason.
They're just yelling at each other.
I'm hearing this shit for 30 minutes.
I'm getting fed up.
And then the thing that made me laugh was the whitest thing ever.
You remember my old roommate?
Shout out to Alex.
I just hear him go, I'm sorry.
I am at my wit's end.
30 minutes of trying to convince his bitch to fuck you.
I'm sorry.
I am at my wit's end.
Alex would do anything to get laid.
I'm surprised at this shit.
Alex always got wit for pussy.
Hey, hey, not this, Alex.
No, not for Alex.
Oh, God.
Alex 1X.
All right.
But no, seriously, back to domestic violence shit.
Sometimes the husband just reaches his wits' end.
No, sometimes if you reach your wits end, I think domestic violence is caused by women who can't cook.
All right, go.
I think when you're in these situations, because I've been having a glorious time going home.
I go home, it's easy.
Place is fucking clean.
My girl has nothing to do.
Well, she has to work during the day, but then after that, she's like looking for shit to do.
So she starts making these elaborate meals.
You know, everything's amazing.
I come home to a delicious cooked meal every single day.
What is there to fight about?
We eat, have a glass of wine, turn on the TV.
She's asleep within five minutes of turning on the TV.
Where is there room to fight?
I wake up in the morning, we kiss, I go to work.
Well, you still have to work.
That's the difference.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I didn't think about that.
You're not even living the quarantine life.
I'm really not.
Oh, I know.
I'm really not.
It hit me last week.
I was like, oh, okay.
This is what meaning she a couple times.
Nah, but uh, his wits end hit him last year.
Yeah, like quarantine, like the feeling of being quarantined.
Nah, what is it like quarantine?
Describe it for us.
I like it.
Yeah.
I like it, son.
It's like you wake up when the fuck you want to.
Yeah.
And then you just like plan out your day.
Like, what do I want to do today?
And then, so what do you do?
Yeah, well, I'm going to go to the living room at one.
Yeah.
No, but I've been doing home workouts his whole life.
Whoa.
You do IG videos where you're doing pull-ups and your dick is out?
Nah, but he can't go to the gym in his building no more.
Oh, I thought his rockets were in your fucking closet or whatever.
You just had a fucking ball.
You got up in a fucking mansion, son?
Bro, yeah.
You need to take a picture from your balcony Saturday gorgeous.
Go on.
Go on.
Back to this.
Nah, so yeah, wake up.
I'm like, all right.
What's how I do some steps?
I've been going up flights.
I'm up to 100 flights now.
Yeah, we don't care about your workouts.
So my legs must be.
We care about the legs.
We care about you and your girl about to fight.
Go ahead.
Nah, but we haven't been.
That's not what I'm saying.
Nah, man, show us your dick, yo.
What is going on right now?
What is going on right now?
Excuse the thousands.
We're trying to get to domestic violence.
And you're like, oh, tell us about your exercise.
So talk to me about the.
No, but quarantine.
It's fine.
Like, it's, I don't feel like you're not.
I thought you said last week you almost got to your wit's end.
No, no, no.
He said that.
You just said.
No, you said that by you.
No, you did.
You said quarantine hit you last week.
Quarantine hit me last week.
Yeah, because I now know how people feel because I was still coming to the studio before.
So, yeah, but.
And it's fine.
So people feel great.
It's awesome.
I think it's awesome.
But other people.
So everybody's making a big fucking deal about nothing.
I think so.
I think so.
Is it like Swedish Prison?
Yeah, but with better TV.
And worse sex?
That sex is the Swedish prison is this shit.
Yeah, they have a lot of people.
You got blonde cubes on your butthole.
They were more gentle.
Okay.
Anyway, I thought we were going to have some sweet domestic violence stories, but some boxer got in trouble for posting that.
What?
Billy Joe Saunders, I think he was.
Some like British boxer got in trouble for posting something about domestic violence.
They said he couldn't fight anymore or something like that.
And he's like, thanks.
Nobody's fighting.
But yeah, there was some big deal.
Did he say Jones get arrested yet again?
Yeah, fucking idiot.
He's really a fucking idiot.
Yeah.
Okay.
Who else is a fucking idiot?
Oh, Dr. Drew apparently is a fucking idiot.
Dr. Drew is out here saying how coronavirus is just the flu.
It's just a flu.
And then he comes out and says, Akash.
So somebody just put up a sound thing of him saying for months, this is not going to be the flu is worse.
This is not a big deal.
Not a big deal.
Then all of a sudden, like a week ago, there's a sound clip of him saying, we knew this is going to kill more people than the flu.
We knew that.
I don't know why people are making such a big deal.
Blah, blah, blah.
And then somebody, this guy put it on that clip on Twitter, and now he's suing to get the tweet taken down.
And it's like, you know, you just draw more attention to it by suing, right?
Right.
If you just ignore the shit, it goes away.
I wonder, yeah, I agree with you 100% on that, but I wonder if you sue for the future.
How so?
You know, like a mafia dude, if like you fuck him up or like fuck him over, a cartel dude, if you fuck him over, it doesn't matter if the cartel's fine and you're fine.
He's still got to kill you or your dog or your horse or some shit to let you know you can't do it, but everyone else got to also know you don't fuck with me.
And I wonder if he's suing this guy going, the damage is done with this tweet.
Okay, but everybody who's gonna put out one of these things about me after this better be ready because I'm coming for you.
And now the next person that's gonna think about making up that meme is gonna go, man, I don't know if I want to post this shit.
You know, also, if I could defend this guy, you know how many doctors I was talking to that were like early on, they were like, This shit, I wish motherfuckers would act like this for the flu.
Yeah, it's not gonna be as bad as the flu.
And now they're all like, yo, I was wrong.
But what kind of doctor is he?
I thought he's a therapist.
Yeah, he has an MD from.
Oh, he has an MD.
Yeah, I checked into it.
I want to make sure.
Him and Dr. Oz.
I thought both of them were full of shit.
They both got MDs.
But he just wrong.
And that's his other thing.
If he just came out and he's like, yeah, I was wrong.
This shit is worse than the flu.
Everybody'd be like, well, there you go.
You're whatever.
But I think the fact that he was like, we knew this, that's where he fucked up.
But most doctors I talked to, and some still are like, eh.
Yo, we really got to talk to a doctor about how they feel about people with PhDs calling themselves doctors.
Oh, they don't like that shit.
They don't like that shit.
Because there is like an English major at some fucking girl university.
You know, Barnard or some shit like that that has a PhD in like literature or something stupid.
Yeah.
Like poetry.
You can get a PhD in poetry.
And they are called doctor.
Yeah.
And they can make you call them doctor.
It's Dr. Smith.
Yeah.
If you're a PhD, I'm like, is it?
That's the thing.
I think in order for you to be called doctor, you have to be able to save lives.
Yes.
That's doctor.
Yeah.
One, my homie, who's a dentist, has me call him doctor.
I don't call him doctor.
I'm like, you out of your fucking mind, yo.
Maybe the surgeon dentist.
Oral surgeon, you got that.
You went to medical school.
Oral surgeons have to go to medical school.
Doctor.
Exactly.
If you do braces, Fred.
That's Fred that does the braces.
That's braces, Fred.
Yo, I don't even call you Doc.
You and Doc Anto, the same amount of doctors.
Yeah, bro.
You, Dr. Dre, Doc Antel, all that shit.
Fuck out of here, bro.
Nah, we got to get to the bottom of this.
It's a funny thing because it's like a.
How dare you?
You know what it is?
Honorary Doctors in Jersey00:04:58
It's like New York, New Jersey.
Like the MDs are like New York, and the other PhDs are like New Jersey.
They're bridge and tunnel doctors.
Yeah, they're bridge and tunnel doctors.
You know how you kind of look down on Jersey?
No, and Jersey's a lot of people.
I remember like years ago I wanted to move to Jersey.
Exposed.
Years ago, I wanted to move to Jersey because Hole Boku was nice, and you said, I'm not even lying to you.
If you move to Jersey, we won't be as good a friend.
I mean, I don't think we are.
If I'm trying to be completely frank at my wit's end here, I really don't think, I don't think we're as close.
We're not as close since you moved to Jersey.
We used to hang out more.
No, we hang out more because of the studio.
Now we just hear.
Maybe.
The studio saved the friendship.
Maybe you're fucking right, man.
Maybe you're goddamn right.
But you know how we look down on Jersey as a just generally like Jersey's kind of like a whack state.
And Jersey has a ton of pride.
I've never looked down on Jersey like that.
I have.
Yeah, but I never got it.
I never understood it.
It's like none of these people chose to live in Jersey, Akash, but like they just grew up in Jersey.
I always thought it was a weird thing because I grew up in Manhattan and there was like this bridge and tunnel thing and where you would like kind of like make fun of the kids that came into the city from outside the city.
And I'm like, none of these kids made the fucking choice to live in Long Island.
They're like queens and that kind of shit.
I don't understand why.
I get that.
But so even as a young age, I'm like, oh, I got it.
It's just this stupid hierarchy shit.
We all got to create some hierarchy so we feel better than each other.
That's what it is.
That's exactly what it is.
And having lived in Jersey, it's a stupid state.
It's a fucking retarded state.
What's mad about it?
Why do people fill or what?
You know what a jug handle is?
You can't take a left turn sometimes.
You got to take a right turn, drive around a loop, and then wait at a stop site, stop like to take a left turn.
They're worried about like oncoming crashes?
I don't even think so, because I've come closer to running that light because I forget it's there than I have taken a.
But the idea is that there's.
There are cars coming in.
I think the idea is, I know in LA sometimes you have so many people trying to take a left turn and there's no like left turn arrow, so that just clogs up all the traffic.
I think the idea is this, frees up traffic, but Jersey don't got traffic like that.
Come on yo, you're Jersey, ain't nobody trying to go to you?
Yeah, but anyway, Dallas and Houston.
Houston got this big inferiority complex where they hate Dallas and Dallas is like yeah, y'all are kind of whack, we kind of laugh at you, but nobody really cares.
That's MDs and PhDs.
MDs are like yeah, you're not really doctors, that's cute that you think you are.
And then PhDs are like no no no, we're the real doctors, I'm a PhD, and they got this big inferiority complex about it.
Wait, they think they're the real doctors.
Yeah, why?
Just because that's all they got.
We have to come in get a PhD.
You just got to write a paper, a thesis.
This is so stupid.
You just got to have a sentence and then make a paper out of it.
That's it.
That's all you have to do.
You have to go to a little.
What's the quickest?
I'm about to become a PhD.
What is the quickest disguise?
What is the?
Just to expose how stupid it is.
Look up, though.
Shaq is a PhD.
He's either he might be honorary.
I think he's honorary.
Look it up though, if you can.
Can you look it up somebody?
You can't become an honorary MD.
That's how you know that.
It's bullshit.
Your shit is such bullshit.
You can become honorary.
Yeah, you cannot become an honorary MD.
You can't be an honorary pilot.
You're not a doctor.
If the the degree is called a doctorate yo, you know what we should do.
We should ask those PhDs yo, why don't you have the PhD?
Do your heart transplant?
Yeah yeah, if you're a real doctor, why don't we have you do it?
What, bro?
NBA star Shaquille O'Neal is a doctor.
Now, O'Neil received his doctoral degree from education, from Barry University, along with 1100 other students yeah, 1100 other kids come on a PhD and then Shaq shows stuff, he?
But it doesn't say honorary, right?
No, that's still some bullshit, though.
So Shaq gonna honor everyone.
What is the Mark?
Can you Google?
What is the quickest way to get a PhD.
I bet there's like a one-year intensive program.
I could fucking knock that out.
I mean it's worth it.
You are retarded.
What do we do?
We can't do shows.
We can't do anything.
We're locked in.
We're quarantined.
Why is everybody not trying to be a doctor?
I'm not calling you doctor.
I don't give a fuck how many PhDs you will call me doctor.
Everybody in this room will call me doctor, Dr. Schultz, Dr. Andrew Schultz I want the whole name.
If you're getting a PhD, I'm gonna try to get a PhD too, on some easier shit.
All right, so I'm getting the easiest one.
Okay, what's the easiest PhD?
You just have to write a thesis and then graduate, and then you can technically get a PhD within like a month a month.
How do I graduate?
You just have to enroll within the school.
Can you get an online PhD?
I swear, if you can get an online PhD, they can go fuck themselves, all of them.
Come on, yo son.
I'm getting a PhD, let's go.
Let's fucking do it.
Let's do something great during quarantine.
All right guys, we're gonna stop for a second.
I gotta, I gotta, explain something to you guys.
All right, you're at home.
You're tired of eating the same fucking thing.
Every single day you're gaining weight.
You need to put a stop to this shit.
I'm I'm going to tell you how it starts.
Online PhDs and Scouting Reports00:14:49
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That is Magic Spoon.
That is a solution.
Now back to the show.
What else is going on?
I was right.
ESPN is going to air the MJ Donald.
Netflix is airing it internationally.
Okay.
Where ESPN doesn't exist.
Okay.
Yeah.
I thought this was an ESPN thing because they were advertising this two years ago.
They made it.
Yeah.
ESPN 30 for 30 division made it.
So when Netflix was promoting it, I was like, what the fuck is going on?
But then I realized ESPN doesn't exist in Spain.
ESPN doesn't exist in England.
And the Dream Team was huge in Spain.
MJ's probably.
MJ was the biggest athlete in history.
Yeah.
I think.
I think bigger than Ali.
And I'm telling you, ESPN is hurting.
Yo.
They need it bad, and I'm glad because we need it bad.
Everybody needs it bad.
Everybody needs it.
And they're putting it out week by week.
Yeah.
Which is great because they'll be able to talk about it for that entire week on the rest of their programs.
They're doing the right thing.
Yeah.
Killing a buffalo, use all the parts.
Kill the buffalo, use all the parts.
Do that for weeks.
But they are scrambling because the idea of a 24-hour sports network is there's always sports on.
There's always something to talk about.
Now there's no sports and they have nothing else to talk about.
Yeah.
And that's why they're having everybody tweet about it.
That's why they're doing all this shit.
And then there was this quote-unquote controversy where Rex Ryan got on the air and said the Cowboys receiver is not good.
I wouldn't have paid him.
Called him a turd.
And then.
Which one?
Amari Cooper.
Yep.
Who's really good?
Whatever.
You can nitpick.
Fine.
Who cares?
Point is, ESPN suddenly starts playing this everywhere.
And then a bunch of people start tweeting about it.
And then Rex Ryan apologizes.
I don't think this is anything except ESPN saying we have nothing else.
Make this a controversy so we're relevant in any way, shape, or form until April 18th.
Let's just make up a fucking story.
Yeah.
Call the guy a turd.
That's not offensive.
Who gives a fuck?
I wonder.
I mean, it is weird that a newscaster is calling an athlete a short.
Sure, weird.
But I wonder if they even need to tell them.
Like, these people make their living by talking about sports.
There is no sports.
Yeah.
So the second something in sports happens, people talk about it.
I mean, what are we talking about right now?
The exact same story.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I think that, yeah, I really think that they're so starved that no matter what you throw at them, they're going to eat it like ravenous dogs.
100%.
This is also a signing that happened two weeks ago.
Yeah.
And like, suddenly, it's the one thing you could grab on to.
They probably just asked him out of 10 questions, a five-minute interview, this one.
And then ESPN was like, let's fucking go.
They should be talking about that fucking HBO doc.
The scheme.
I don't know if you guys at home saw that, but we watched that as a.
I fell asleep about halfway through.
Ah, fuck, yo.
I tried.
I made a win.
Should we talk about it on Patreon?
No, no, let's talk about it now.
Because I have something that leans into it.
Okay.
So for those of you guys that haven't seen it, the scheme is this documentary about the big NCAA bribery scandal that happened.
And when it was being reported on ESPN and all these other networks, it seemed pretty clear-cut that these coaches were getting bribed, and that's how players were going to the universities, etc.
And then this documentary comes out and really exposes, at least from what I saw of the first half, correct me if I'm wrong.
Why, what?
The coaches are damn sure they were paying players.
Yeah, but that wasn't the intention of Dawkins.
Right.
So that I never knew.
Okay.
So there's this guy named Christian Dawkins, right?
And let me just back things up a little bit so people understand.
NBA players or NBA prospects are very valuable commodities.
Yes.
Okay.
If you want to relate to Tiger King, they're the cubs.
Yeah.
And you want to attach yourselves to them as early as possible so they have loyalty to you.
So one way that people do this is they have these handlers.
So let's say Akash, right, is going to be this amazing basketball player.
And I find out in middle school he's going to be an amazing basketball player.
But his family's going on tough times.
You know what I might do?
I might throw his money.
I might throw money at his family, right?
I'm not attached to a college.
I'm not attached to an agency.
I'm not attached to a management company.
I'm not attached to Nike or anything.
I'm an individual person.
This is not alone.
Not alone.
Hey, you got that.
That's for you.
Hoping that when the time comes, you will be loyal to me and I'll tell you which college is the best for you.
And guess what?
That college is going to get you some money too.
I'll tell you which agency is the best for you.
I'll tell you which management company is the best.
Right.
And it's probably going to be my agency or my management company.
If I'm part of it.
But there are people who are not part of it.
And that's probably how World Wide West works.
Yeah.
You know, a lot of you guys have heard this character Worldwide isn't World Wide West.
Yeah, World Wide West.
Yeah, World Wide West.
And people, he's the most influential guy in basketball, but he's not part of an agency, not part of a team, not part of anything.
Adidas might pay World Wide West.
Hey, please, can you put in a good word with Derek Rose?
Yeah, send Derek Rose to a school that we sponsor.
There we go.
Now we can start building that relationship.
And they also talk about this.
I don't know if you got to this part, but they talk about how much money these shoe companies pay these programs.
I think Adidas or Under Armour pays UCLA like $270 million a year.
Something that's good.
Louisville gets like $160 million a year from Nike.
Absurd amounts of money.
That's crazy.
Absurd amounts of money.
Now, you can reap the rewards of that on many different levels, right?
Obviously, watching all the kids that are part of that school play in your sneakers.
And the best way is if I'm paying, let's say I'm Under Armour paying UCLA $260 million a year.
Hey, Ben Simmons, let's say he's coming out.
He's this highly whatever prospect.
He's going to be great.
Just push Ben Simmons UCLA so more people watch UCLA games, so more people see Ben Simmons or Medidas.
Perfect.
Or Under Armor, whatever it is.
So many different ways, right?
But that's definitely one.
But as the initial investment goes, right, if I'm giving your family a few thousand dollars, right, and you end up being an NBA player, which is incredibly difficult.
We're talking about 30 guys or first-round draft picks a year.
That's it, 30, right?
Of the entire nation now internationally, you're picking 30 a year, right?
So when you see these middle school kids, you're hoping one day they might be worth that.
But as they say in the documentary, it's really interesting.
You only need one out of 10.
It's almost like TV shows.
A network only needs one-hit show to pay for the entire network.
It's like buying penny stocks.
Penny stocks.
I buy them really cheap.
And if one cracks off and I got Google, boom, I'm set for life.
100%.
So you're in this situation.
So you're in this situation where this guy, Christian Dawkins, right, had recognized this as a really sharp kid.
He was doing cool stuff as a kid.
I think when he was like 12 years old, he had this website ranking all the players in Michigan.
It was charging coaches to get access to the website.
$600 a year.
$600 a year.
So all these coaches, because they couldn't travel to Saginaw, Michigan, they were in Florida.
They still wanted access.
It doesn't come out of their pocket.
They're just getting the university to pay for it.
Oh, get a nice scouting report.
This kid's legit.
So he was a sharp, industrious kid.
He realizes, hey, the best way to do this shit is build relationships with the players and their families at a young age.
Now, something happened in the documentary, which happens a lot that people don't realize, which is the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the FBI, the feds, kind of entrapped him, in my opinion.
Okay.
Entrapment, and the reason I know that this is something that happens because we were talking to one of El Chapo's lawyers for another episode earlier this week about money laundering and just about El Chapo shit in general.
And he used to work on the attorney general side.
So he was before he was a criminal defense attorney.
He was actually a prosecutor.
And he saw shit that the feds and the NYPD would do to kind of set up clients.
Right.
And so basically this Christian Dawkins guy is telling the feds, he doesn't know he's a fed.
It's a guy who's an informant.
He's telling them, hey, I don't want to bribe the coaches.
It's stupid.
They have no influence over the players.
I have 10 times more influence than any coach.
And the FBI wants to catch the coach.
The FBI sets up a system where, hey, Christian, you pay the coaches and then the coaches will pay the players or whatever.
What the FBI wants is a bribery scandal.
Yes.
So they create one.
Now, granted, coaches and university have been paying players for years.
So it's not entirely untrue, right?
Apparently, if you're a kid that comes from an urban big city, you're getting $250,000 a year, right?
Dennis Smith Jr., I think he got a quarter million to go to play South Carolina or the fucking place.
NC State, yeah.
NC State, North Carolina State.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's like all these players are getting paid, right?
Where they're getting paid and how they're getting paid, maybe it's from the university, maybe it's from one of these handlers, but they're getting paid.
But the feds basically go, we want to get coaches paying the players because coaches are attached to the institutions and coaches also are getting money from these brands, these sneaker brands.
That's a bigger fish.
If we just get this Christian Dawkins guy, who's this quote-unquote low-level handler, giving money to the players, a few grand here, a few grand to coaches, that's not a national story.
We're not breaking down institutions.
It's just one actor.
It means nothing.
So they kind of make it up.
They force Christian Dawkins, even though he tells them multiple times no.
They kind of bully him into agreeing to pay the coaches.
And then does he even pay them or he just keeps the money?
He keeps the money.
So he keeps the money.
He doesn't even pay the fucking coaches.
He never pays the coaches.
But is that legal to force someone into doing illegal activity that they tell you they don't want to do and have no interest in doing?
That should be illegal.
I think they essentially are trying to get him on keeping their money.
Because he would take the money they paid him and he would just keep it.
He would never give it to a coach.
He'd just go out to the strip club or the casino or whatever.
And he kept, so the money, you find this out later in the movie.
When he gets arrested, they basically bring him into a hotel room and they play all these recordings or whatever.
They're like, he's supposed to go in for a meeting.
There's two feds there.
And then the lady that's the undercover officer is like, we got you.
You can either cooperate with us or you can call a lawyer.
And then he's like, let me talk to a lawyer.
And then immediately they got motherfuckers bust in with guns.
They throw him in jail on some real Alex shit the first few nights he was in Sweden where he's in there with like he said I'm in a prison cell and El Chapo was upstairs.
That's who they got me with that grade of criminal.
And he won't snitch.
He's like, I'm not telling on any of these coaches.
They're hoping to use him to tell on the coaches and he's got recorded phone calls of coaches basically saying we're paying this guy, but they never actually used the words, we are paying him money.
So they're trying to get him to be a CI.
Like, you wear a wire, you go and you have other meetings with these guys, get them on tape saying, we're going to pay this player money, $125,000, and you're good.
And he won't do it.
So now they're trying to bring him up on something.
And they come up with wire fraud.
I don't know what the fuck.
They do some shit on some Al Capone Elliott Ness shit.
Oh, we can't get him on anything like murder, so we'll get him on tax evasion.
It's the same kind of thing.
So this is what they do.
They work up the ladder.
Yeah.
They set this guy up.
They basically entrap him.
Yeah.
Okay.
And that because they know by entrapping him, he has such close proximity to coaches that then he might flip on the coaches.
But they have to create a crime for him to commit.
Yes.
And I'm sure this happens a lot.
And dude, it's fucked up.
I didn't know that it operated like this.
And I was talking to this lawyer guy.
He said this.
This fucking blew my mind.
He was working for the Bronx Attorney General's office, or Bronx District Attorney.
And he was representing this heroin dealer.
Low-level heroin dealer, not saying it's okay.
It's a shitty fucking thing to do.
He's representing this heroin dealer.
He was like a part-time heroin dealer.
He sold a little bit, but it wasn't his main thing.
And the informant, the CI, right, is telling him every week, hey, we got a few more guys downtown.
Hey, we need bigger quantities.
Can you get us a bigger quantity?
We got like 100 guys downtown.
And the guy on the recorded taping is saying, yo, please stop calling me.
I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm out.
Leave it.
No.
Hey, it's the easiest thing in the world.
It's a no-brainer.
Literally, they're just these rich guys.
I'm done.
He's saying I'm done.
Now, ultimately, he makes his decision.
You make your choice.
You have to live with your choices.
But you shouldn't be tricked into breaking the law by the law.
Right.
Like, that should be illegal.
That is the definition of entrapment.
And he couldn't get this guy off.
They still flipped this guy.
College Coaches Bribery Scandal00:11:10
And I'm realizing that shit happens all the fucking time.
Yeah.
You're a pawn.
But that should be illegal.
Should be.
And I understand what they're trying to do is they're probably using that guy and they want him to flip on someone bigger.
And that's 100% of the idea.
But you got to get me to flip based on a crime that I already did by myself.
You can't trick me into committing a crime and then get me to flip.
Yeah.
You know what this reminds me of?
Foul.
You know what this reminded me of?
And I think it applies here.
First of all, I'm always skeptical watching a documentary because we talked about this before.
A documentary is a 90-minute political ad.
Right, right, right.
For whatever you want me to believe, you got 90 minutes.
But I kept thinking about this the whole time.
The whole world in the workforce is just either motherfuckers trying not to get fired or motherfuckers trying to get promoted.
That's it.
That's the only thing that's happened in any job when you boil it down to it.
So there's FBI agents who are sitting there thinking, how can I get a promotion?
You know how I can get a promotion?
I bet if I bring down college coaches in a bribery scandal, because we all know they get paid, but nobody has proof, and we all say it's illegal, but nobody can prove it, I'm going to be the fucking guy to do it.
So you get the FBI to give you all this money, all this taxpayer money.
And if you watch the movie, they're paying him $50,000.
They pay him $150,000 at another time.
They're running out fucking yachts, feeding this guy.
This is all money I'm taking on because I want this fucking promotion.
I'm going to bring down the college coaches.
Yes.
Now, when the case gets flimsier, you are reaching.
When the guy says, I want out, you start to think, fuck, not only am I not going to get promoted, I can get fired over this.
We sunk a lot of money into this guy, and now he wants out.
Keep him in.
Keep him on the line.
Start panicking.
Say shit.
Like, all right, well, you know, whatever money you want for your company is going to disappear.
That's fine.
Whatever money you want for your company, this is what it's going to be.
So then you say, okay, fine.
And then when the DA or the FBI fucked up and the New York City district attorney came out and had this whole press conference and said, we got this guy, Christian Dawkins, and we know your, he said something like, we know your playbook now, college coaches.
Be ready.
Which is basically putting their dick on the table like, oh, y'all motherfuckers about to go down.
They really overplayed their hand there.
They should have just waited in the cut, got somebody else to flip if this guy wouldn't, blah, blah, blah.
But I think they're all just seeing their whole careers go up in flames.
Like, we got this guy, Christian Dawkins.
The only reason we got this guy, and we kind of entrapped him, the only reason we got him is to get him to roll over on other people.
If he's not going to roll over, we wasted all this time, all these resources.
Let's see if we can scare them into doing something.
Let's see if we can have a press conference.
Tell the coaches, you're fucked.
But the coaches never say specifically on tape, we are going to pay him money.
They would say shit like, I know the money this school is offer.
I know what this school is offering him is not what my school is offering.
They got Will Wade, the LSU coach, talking about some player like, yo, I don't know if it's worth it.
We made a strong offer and he's not taking it.
I know our offer is better than everybody else's offer.
Now, we can all assume that's money, but in a court of law with well-paid lawyers, they'll be like, that could be anything.
That could be, we'll give you the best scholarship and the best opportunity to have an education.
It's all I could.
There's no actual proof there.
So I think it's just this whole thing was just a lot of motherfuckers panicking on the federal side and rushing an investigation.
And Christian Dawkins, who I don't think is some angel, but he shouldn't have gone to jail, he got caught up in this machine.
Where did he go?
He's still appealing.
So he hasn't actually served.
He got sentenced to six months and appealed.
Right now, he has not gone.
And I think in the same way that the Tiger King got Carroll's investigation reopened, this documentary could get him to have the whole public be like, what the fuck is this?
You're going to send this guy to jail?
He sounds like the fucking man.
I think he a little bit.
He didn't sneak.
There's some little shit about it.
He's a little sneaky.
He looks.
So here's some shit.
His first company, he left them, went to another company, and the first company was an agency or something like a financial firm.
And they had Elfried Payton, one of their people.
He says he got fired because he ran out $42,000 worth of Uber charges on El Fried Payton's credit card.
Yeah.
Elfred.
Elfred.
The way he said it happened is I was getting Ubers for Elfred an all-star weekend or NBA Draft weekend or whatever, and he just put his card on my account and I forgot to change it.
And then at my new company, everybody was using my, I'm getting Ubers for everybody, and it got up to $42,000.
I didn't realize what happened.
I have a hard time believing.
Knowing people who had corporate jobs, there's two ways this happens.
One, they give you their credit card if they're going to have you booking everybody's shit.
Say, hey, this is the corporate card.
Plug that in.
That's where you book everything.
Or you give me an expense report.
If it's on your card and you get the points, which you want because you get like the miles and all that shit, fine, but you got to send us expense reports.
We need deadlines.
So you are constantly aware of that.
To think if they gave you a card, you got to go change it.
And to think I'm letting everybody use my credit card and my credit card statement is $400 every month and it never occurs to me that I'm booking everyone's fucking Uber.
Like, really that didn't cross your mind?
The company's not asking for expense reports.
You're not noticing your expenses are that high.
And he's just making it seem like, oh, I just, hey, harmless mistake.
Ew, it wasn't that harmless.
You can't be that dumb.
No, he did it.
Yeah.
He did it exactly.
I think what it was is, because most of my friends have like corporate jobs, they front the money for things and then they get it paid back to them by the business, by the corporation.
But the business needs an expense report.
Yeah, exactly.
So what I think he did is I think Alfred asked him to put his card on his Uber.
I think that absolutely happened.
I think he kept it on there.
And I think most of his Ubers were cheap and Alfred probably wouldn't notice.
And he'd go, this guy ain't going to notice a fucking $8 charge and $9 charge.
I'm going to leave that shit on.
Or he actually forgot.
Or he truly forgot.
That is possible.
Then he goes to his new company, does run up those charges, but he is putting in this expense report.
And he must know he doesn't have $41,000 worth of charges on his phone.
But then again, it could be over X amount of months.
We don't know how many months it is.
That being said, let's say the worst case scenario, I think worst case scenario, he knew he's getting reimbursed the money.
The money's coming back to him.
He's taken that $40,000 over X amount of months from Alfred Payton.
That is worst case scenario.
But all the while he's gone, oh, I'm going to just say I forgot to charge a car back.
And I'm not keeping in touch with my expenses.
That kind of shit.
There is some nefarious shit there.
Look, he did some sneaky shit.
Like, even when he had that website early on when he was ranking the players, like he ranked himself and lied about his height and lied about his head.
Put himself number one.
What?
He's putting the work in.
100%.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm just saying he's willing to manipulate some things for his advantage.
Right?
But I mean, he was doing this already before the feds came to him, right?
Like, like, so what he would do, he was the handler.
And this isn't illegal in any way.
He would pay the players and their families.
And there is no law that says you can't violate the NCAA rules.
You're going to jail.
That's true.
But here's the thing.
You're not signing to them.
This is the risk.
So let's say, Al, you're an athlete, and I'm paying you and your family $10,000 a month or $5,000 a month.
As long as you don't sign anything to me, that's totally fine.
You don't know what I'm paying you for.
It could be a donation.
I'm happy to be able to do that.
Hey, I really like you, bro.
I understand that, but I mean, the reason why I think he's falls on the better side of things is because when the feds tried to get him to turn, he hasn't turned.
But it's also like, who are you not turning on?
College coaches?
Like, who gives a fuck, dude?
Turn on him.
Nah, like, he's doing business.
And you know what else these college coaches will do that's a real fucking kind of foul and you want to talk about some race shit?
Did I miss the race component of this?
No, they don't bring it up a lot, but you notice that the guys who, most of the guys who get jail time, one of them is white.
Two assistant coaches, one guy at Adidas, I think, and then one white guy at Adidas.
Did Book get jail time?
Book got jail time.
Three months or six months.
Oh, fuck.
So here's the Louis, like, I think Book worked for whatever college book worked.
LSU.
LSU.
Here's an example.
Will Wade won't say on the phone, the LSU head coach won't say on the phone, hey, we're going to pay whoever $100,000 to come to our school.
He'll use terms like, we're going to make a strong offer.
And then the actual money he won't touch.
He'll have his black assistant coach do it.
That guy's the one that's going to run the money.
So if I'm fucking whatever his name is, and I can flip on Will Wade, and fuck Will Wade's exploiting my boy anyway.
He's homies with Book.
Whoever the coach is that he works for is exploiting Book.
Fuck this dude.
That's the game.
And he noticed from a young age, he talked about the people that would come to Saginaw to recruit these kids were white dudes with money.
And he's like, I don't want to make it super racial.
Remember that part at the beginning?
He's like, that's what it was.
You know the game.
This is the game.
Yo, you could flip on these guys.
And I would have no problem with you.
Don't you think?
I thought that was his way of going, like, I'm not going to let these white guys come in and exploit black athletes.
I'm going to make sure black people can explain.
Yeah, yeah.
That's exactly.
So that's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't think the guy's like some, he's walking out of this looking like an angel.
And I think what happened to him was foul, but I don't think he's an angel.
If I can, you know what I mean?
And also at the end, his mom, who is the biggest G in the entire thing.
Did you hear this part of it?
No, I go.
When he goes to jail, he said, the only time he's in there for like three, four days, whatever, he said, the only time I cried is I call my mom, and then my sister gets on the phone, and my sister can get me to cry when she's whatever.
So I start crying, and then my mom basically, then they go to her and she said, I asked him, I said, son, did you kill anybody?
He said, no.
I said, did you rape anybody?
He said, no.
Did you hurt anybody?
He said, no.
She goes, then suck it the fuck up.
Stop crying.
You're going to come home.
And then he came home like three days later.
But she was just like, you can't look like no bitch.
Like, stop that shit.
And she loves her son.
She's not like a hard ass.
She never comes across as like tough love, tough love.
She's dope.
At the end, she reads a letter that he wrote her when I guess he decided not to go to college.
He literally says, I am great.
I am like Gandhi.
I think he said, I am like Martin Luther King.
That guy and capitalism don't go together.
You can't be Gandhi and a billionaire.
You know what I mean?
Like those guys are always guys that I'm like, there's some weird shit going on with this dude.
Like you're, I don't trust you.
Christian Dawkins.
Christian Dawkins wrote that letter to his parents.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm great.
I'm this, I'm that.
I know what I'm going to be.
I am Gandhi.
Yeah.
I am Martin Luther King.
I am the, and it's like, no, you're not.
Like, Andrew Carnegie and Martin Luther King are very different people.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you can't think you're doing all this good.
And you're, listen, you're helping families out, but you're doing it to exploit them later.
Yeah.
Like, you're not going to be the best agent.
You're not going to.
He never said, like, I wanted, I studied how to be a great agent so I could get my players the best deals possible at all times.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe that's an interesting question.
It's like, how do you, what are the ethics of exploitation?
You know, like, the NBA is exploiting players, but they're paying them enough where it's okay to exploit them.
Like, there's a fine line.
It's not like you're not allowed to exploit someone.
You just have to pay them enough to exploit them.
Exploiting Families for Comfort00:05:10
Every job is exploitative on some way.
If you are making more of me than I'm making off you, why the fuck am I paying you?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the end of the, every job at the end of the day, if you're not making your money, that's why we're all trying not to get fired because none of us are really worth what we're getting paid.
So we're just trying to find shit.
Remember when you had a show on MTV and they would just find notes?
They'd be like, oh, let's fix this.
It's just because that person who wanted to have a suggestion, so motherfuckers wouldn't look at him and be like, what do you do?
Yeah, everybody's trying to keep their job.
Yeah, because most of us don't get paid.
But the exploitative thing is interesting.
Like, where is the line, right?
Like, if LeBron James got paid $10 million a year, most of us wouldn't go, he's not being, most of us wouldn't go, he's being exploited.
Most people look at $10 million and they're like, oh, my God, you get paid $10 million to play basketball?
That's unbelievable.
This guy's the luckiest man on the planet.
But if he makes a team a billion dollars or makes a team several hundred million dollars, he's being exploited.
He's vastly underpaid.
So what is the line for exploitation?
Like, is it you need to make half of what you're making the company that you're working for?
You need to make a third.
You need to make a tenth.
Like, what is the line for exploitation?
That's a good point.
So then maybe even him helping out the family, it's exploitation, but it's all, every job is exploitation.
So maybe it's like, sure.
All right, let's take a break for a second.
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Let's get back to the show.
Well, right now we're going to have a conversation with a man that's been exploiting America, a Canadian man that's been out here exploiting the great capitalist market of America,
a father, a comedian, an author, a podcast host, a cigar connoisseur, an ex-stripper.
I want everybody here on Flagrant 2 to say hello to our dear friend, Aaron Berg.
Aaron Berg, can you hear us?
What an honor.
What a great intro, Shaw.
Thanks, man.
I try to do a good inner.
I see you there.
I don't know if you're in your...
What is that?
There's a vice grip.
Yeah, what's going on?
What's happening here?
It's my bunker, man.
This is what I put my nuts in every Tuesday morning to remind me that I got a feel, man.
Talk to me, Berg.
Taxes, Medicaid, and Libertarian Values00:02:58
What's going on?
Guys, everybody, this is my friend Aaron Berg.
Very funny comic.
You might have seen his 25 sets documentary about him.
28, 25.
How many sets you do that night, Berg?
25.
25.
I'll take it from here, Anka.
My bad.
And you might have seen his documentary.
He goes, he breaks the record that was held by Steve Byrne, I believe, for doing the most sets in New York City in one night.
You can go check that out.
I'm sure anywhere documentaries are downloaded, iTunes, et cetera.
Is that correct?
You got it.
Amazon Prime.
But, Berg, talk to me, man.
What's going on?
How are you?
How is life?
I'm in Delaware.
I'm hunkered down.
I'm at my in-law's place.
So this is my studio for right now.
And then I'm going to use the upstairs apartment once I can figure out how to get a Wi-Fi signal in there.
There's like an apartment over the garage.
Right.
So that's going to be the new studio.
And I'm going to stay here.
I'm guessing the peak hit.
So I'd probably be good to get back to New York tomorrow or the day after.
It seems like Queens is all cleaned up now.
No sarcasm.
Why didn't you go to Canada?
You have the ability to go to Canada with your health care and your amazing woke comedy scene.
Why didn't you go nestle yourself into the comfort of Canada when you had the opportunity to?
My wife doesn't have Canadian citizenship.
So even if I went back and I was able to get Canadian health care, that would have been a plus, but I don't need it.
I have health insurance.
I don't even know why I pay for health insurance because I'm pretty healthy aside from smoking cigars.
I don't drink or anything.
So once in a while, I go to the doctor, maybe a couple times a year.
I could pay for it out of pocket.
My wife can't go up there.
We got nowhere to stay unless we stay with my parents, but they're giving the citizens $2,000 a month.
No questions asked.
Every citizen's getting $2,000 a month.
Now, how does a hardcore American, I don't know, what are your politics?
Libertarian?
Libertarian.
How does a hardcore American libertarian feel about the government, the big, bad government, giving away $2K a month?
I mean, that seems like it would compromise some of those libertarian values, no?
Canadian taxes are higher than American taxes.
You know, you probably pay taxes now.
I pay taxes now.
They're expensive.
No, he's rich enough that he's not paying taxes.
And I'm going to say this shamelessly.
When I first moved here, I was on Medicaid.
I took from the system because I was making no money.
I moved from making six figures in Canada, moved to the United States where I was making $80 a week doing $20 spots at Eastville.
And I had no money.
So I was on Medicaid for several months until I started making money.
And now I pay back into the system.
I understand that the world is going through a big thing.
I don't know if bailouts are the answer.
I don't know if throwing government money.
Paying Back the System00:03:04
Look, would you learn more if you really went through the shit?
If you and I, guys that were, we're in very different positions.
I make a good living.
So if for a year or two years, if I had to eat baked beans and really struggle and shoot live animals to feed my family, would I come out of that better than just going, oh, there's a bailout.
So my stocks are worth what they used to be again.
I think humanity would learn a better lesson if we really went through the shit.
I think the economy would fix itself without having money injected into it.
And there'd be more pressure to find a cure and get people back to living modern society or evolving into this new type of society.
Yeah, but doesn't that ignore collateral damage of people being like, oh, instead of hunting a live animal, why don't I just steal from my neighbors?
Ah, gosh, they don't teach that at the Bernie Sanders School of that kind of scene.
That's clear where Bertie is.
These people need to steal from these other people because they are living above 115th Street.
And if you live up there, then you can steal from the one person.
That's an interesting perspective.
It's happening, right?
I'm not in New York.
I left before the shit hit the fan.
We're here.
It's very comfortable.
The only issues I'm dealing with is like Bob and Nancy play Fox News too loud.
So it gets Christine all amped up.
Right.
That's it.
And your wife, your wife, Christine, comedian.
Now, have you guys had any domestic violence issues?
I was like, you got nowhere to go.
They shut the shelters.
You're going to go over there.
You're going to catch a fucking cop.
Don't fucking come at me with your, I got an opinion.
We're getting along way, but I dumped my therapist since I've been here.
I used to go to the therapist that all the comics in the city would go to.
And every Tuesday after I'd leave, Christina and I would argue because he'd put all this stuff in my head and be like, here's what you need to work on because she's not getting this and it.
And then I go, first of all, I'm not going to pay the money I'm paying you to do Skype.
And I like him.
He's a nice guy.
But we're connecting now.
At home, we don't connect because it's like, look, I got shit to do.
I got to run here.
I got to do the show.
I got to run around, do spots.
She's got to do spots.
She's got to fucking do this.
Here, we connect.
There's this, this is a beautiful reset.
I don't know if you've acknowledged it.
I'm sure you have, but it's like every night I put my daughter to sleep.
Even when my wife is on her period for those like 23 days out of the month, it's like I'm connecting better with her.
There's just a connection now.
So this morning she's, you know, she's bleeding fucking upstairs, looks like a flag of Japan.
And then she comes downstairs and she's like, I'm in a bad mood.
I'm on my period.
I didn't sleep.
But now she acknowledges it.
It's not like home where she's just all this fucking pent up baggage.
And, you know, she never dealt with the rape she had when she was 18.
But it's like that shit.
He's getting a lot of rapid.
We're getting along.
We're really connecting.
Vaccines and Surging Cases00:11:30
And this makes me think maybe we don't go back to New York.
Really?
Yeah.
We got a house in Forest Hills and it's like, maybe we, maybe we make a move.
I mean, not that I talked to Kevin Brennan.
He's like, I'm fucking moving to Florida.
And I heard a rumor that Bobby Kelly may be doing the same thing.
I don't know if it's true.
Tim Dylan had an interesting prediction.
He goes, I think that cities will be different, that people will move out of the cities.
That was either Tim Dylan or my buddy Bobby.
But one of them were basically saying that I don't think they're basically saying they don't think that people will live in inner cities or urban environments and they won't be as drawn to the urban environments, especially old people.
Like old people get out of the city real quick.
My parents in their 70s living in New York City, that might not happen post-pandemic.
I read a Bloomberg article yesterday because I was searching for Breitbart and it came up first.
But it says that New York is going to become what it was in the 70s and 80s.
It's going to have like a full-on hell's kitchen vibe where it's going to be young, struggling, suffering people that are willing to deal with the threat of a virus as they did the threat of crime in the 70s.
And like you knew in the 70s and 80s, you were going to get mugged in New York.
Here, you're like, hey, I may get the virus, but I could become an actor.
So people are going to do that, which means rents are going to drop again.
The city's going to be more affordable.
There's going to be way less old people.
And they also said that it'll be divided and segregated based on who's had the virus and who hasn't had the virus.
And how will they do that?
They're going to give certificates.
This is the prediction.
If you test positive, you have to test.
You can't be like, I had it.
You have to have a test, a positive test.
You'll get a certificate.
You had the virus.
You can't have it again.
You may go to these places.
You didn't have the virus.
Here you go.
Enjoy your shitty bar eight feet away from each other where three people can hang out and sing Sweet Caroline till 11 o'clock.
That's going to be it.
Wow.
I feel like this is assuming we don't have a vaccine within the next 18 to 24 months.
I mean, we will have a vaccine.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I don't know if it gets all dystopian like that.
It's not going to be fucking.
No, no, we will have a vaccine within the next year, but the question is, do people go out to shows if we don't have a vaccine?
That's what I'm wrestling with.
And I don't know.
I think so.
I don't know, man.
I don't know.
I hope.
Obviously, I mean, that's my livelihood.
But I don't know if people will go out to shows because they've been fed so much information, like, hey, it's not about you.
It's about, you know, the old lady that lives next to you or your grandma or all these other people that are passing because they are passing.
They are dying for it.
From it, nobody wants to be responsible for that death.
I think once the curve flattens, there will still be a little bit of once the death rate slows down, once the rate of infection slows down.
It stops being so fucking steep.
But here's the thing.
Like, let's say it's steep or not steep.
At the end of the day, you don't want to be responsible for killing your grandma.
There are people now that don't give a fuck.
Say again?
Mine are both dead.
Fair enough.
And so are mine.
So I'm not going to kill my grandma, but like, God forbid you killed your parent or some shit.
Dude, I'm telling you, I think my dad has no symptoms, but my parents flew in the heart of it from Florida to Canada.
They get home.
They're like, you got to quarantine for 14 days.
My mom goes, okay, I'll just go get some apples and shit.
So she goes out to the grocery store and some lady sees her and yells at her and she goes, you cannot be out.
My mother comes home.
She's like, I was so embarrassed.
I was just trying to buy apples.
Apples.
And I go, my, you can't go out just to get apples.
You got to go out and get a whole bunch of shit at once and you got to wait till the quarantine's over.
But my dad had a kidney transplant, so he's immunocompromised, as they say.
And he flew in the heart of it.
And they're like, yeah, we didn't touch anybody.
I'm like, they don't get older people don't get it.
And they don't really care either.
Yeah.
They don't understand.
They don't care.
They don't stand by the six-foot rule.
I go to the grocery store.
Old ladies will push up on you.
They don't care, old people.
Bob and Nancy, they're my in-laws.
They go, yeah, if we get it, we get it.
We're ready to die.
You know who's not afraid of you killing old people is old people.
Yeah.
Hey, whatever, man.
I'm about done anyway.
It is a weird time now where we're all like pretending like we've cared about old people.
Like they're maybe the one group of people in society that everybody has not given a flying fuck about.
Right?
You throw them in a home.
You don't call them.
You don't care about them, et cetera.
I mean, maybe minorities you take care of.
That is not an America thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And all of a sudden, we're screaming at each other to stay inside to protect the old people that just a month ago, we didn't give a flying fuck about.
It's kind of interesting.
You just don't want the guilt of I killed him.
That's what I'm saying.
It's selfish.
So if we have that selfish feeling, right?
We don't really care about them.
We just wanted to weed into it.
So if you know you have old people in your building, are you going to go to a comedy show knowing full well that you could kill that old person upstairs?
I honestly think there's a point at which you won't give a fuck.
Yeah, I guess.
There's a point at which you'll be like, eh, it'll be just like the homes.
Like, yeah, the sight out of mine.
The curve has flattened.
I'm going to go out.
I've been in the house for two months.
You fucking crazy?
You know how much I'm going to watch more Netflix?
Everybody's already made this joke.
We've been to the end of Netflix.
Yeah, so my concern is, my concern is what happens is this.
And I don't want this to be the case.
I'm just presenting it.
Is that people go back out, right?
If people go back out and this thing surges again, right?
Yeah.
There's a second wave.
Nobody's going back out again until everybody's vaccinated.
Right.
And if I was the nefarious powers that be that want control of the world or wherever the fuck they are, I would hope people go back out.
I would hope there's a second wave because then they could really put the clamps on us.
And you know who would help them put the clamps on us?
We would.
We'd be punishing each other for leaving the fucking house.
We'd be telling each other, hey, you better not go unless you got a chip in your arm that says you got the vaccine.
Now they got the chip in.
But why would the powers of B, this is a devil's advocate more than why would the powers of B want that if what runs the economy is essentially transactions?
Yeah.
I don't understand like a PhD, fake doctor, but essentially we need transactions for the economy to go.
And if everybody's staying in, this is the whole thing where like the cure can't be worse than the virus.
I don't think that the powers of B are above the economy.
So I don't think the powers of B are ever economy dependent.
I think the powers of B actually thrive in times like this.
If you look like at any like rich group of people, they've made all their money in times of tragedy, not times of life.
This is when rich people are buying and is when the market is hit like so they can't wait for this shit to pop up.
It's like you look at the like rich, rich, rich families.
Yeah.
They either made it drug money or they made it with war money.
By war money, I mean they literally bet on the wars.
Yeah, that's fair.
So if they see the shit hit the fan, they're like, oh, we're about to eat again, baby.
I was waiting for the shit to hit the fan.
Now they eat again and they have control.
I would say they would look forward to a recession.
I don't know because if people, if there's a second wave of motherfuckers not going out, I don't think it's a recession.
I think it's a depression.
I think no, like, no businesses are left.
Yeah.
And I don't know if they want to ride through a depression to make their money.
I think they'll ride through the recession, but the depression, I don't even think it's like the lives.
I think it's just like, it's too much time.
It's like, I'm not going to say that.
These people are so isolated and so unaffected.
We're talking about like money that doesn't go away.
We're not talking about like millionaire rich, where like you're a millionaire, but then you lose your million and then you're jumping out of the building and Wall Street.
We're talking about like generational wealth where it's it will be effective in the smallest way, but you'll be able to bump up, bump that up by purchasing all this shit that has gone broke anyway.
Like you see classism really being exhibited right now because we'll talk about it.
And when it hit, I was like, you know what?
I'm not hand to mouth.
I've got, I'm good for a bit.
If this goes on for a bit, I can live.
I'm not saying I'm going out buying a new car or a Harley, but we can get by for a little bit.
You know what I mean?
And then you're at that level too, where obviously it's like, okay, we're not, I don't got to fucking sell everything I have, but look at on the lower levels, people that didn't have their first month of rent and people that are hoping that those rent breaks are given.
And then it doesn't make sense because you see it where people are like, you still got to pay rent, but this guy that you pay it to doesn't have to pay his mortgage.
So you get to see how richer people make money right away.
They're saving money on the interest on the mortgage.
It's like if you're rich, you're making more money through it.
And then the real rich people, this is money-making time.
Because when that market went from 29 down to 20 or 19, you don't think you're swooping in, buying, knowing it's going to rebound to at least 27.
You're going to make a third of your money back.
Dude, there's like snapping your fingers.
All right, we got to stop for a second.
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Brain Function and Hand Sanitizer00:02:39
Yo, I cannot find the message, but somebody messaged me that it was a few weeks ago.
He said, I drove by the Radix Remedies, like a store that was a Raddix Remedy storefront.
Went in there, said I was asshole army.
They gave me free product, and he said this shit was incredible.
He said, there's no way you weren't high off that CBD.
I wish I could find it.
I'll shout him out next time we do a read.
Well, DM us.
If you're that guy, DM us so we can shout you out on a Patreon.
But yeah, now let's get back to the show.
I'm going to fuck this up a little bit, right?
But there's his family.
I'm sure everybody's heard about the Rothschilds, right?
I don't have to get into conspiracy shit.
We'll just talk about like factual shit, right?
And there was a time where this is before information was passing quickly, right?
This is before internet, before phone calls, that kind of stuff.
This is like people were handing messages, courier service, right?
And I believe maybe World War I. Does that make sense?
Maybe.
Maybe it was a war even prior to that.
I'm fucking up which war it was.
Point is, it was thought that England was going to lose that war, right?
Because that guy had such sophisticated personal courier service, because his way of getting information around was faster.
He knew that they had actually won this battle before everybody in England won.
He had propped them up with what would be the equivalent of $900 million today.
Right.
Right.
Propped up.
Investing essentially in England.
He bought English debt at that time.
Like he bought bonds, essentially, in England.
Now, the market has shit the bed because everyone in England thought that they lost.
So those bonds are worth what?
Nothing.
He gobbles them all up knowing they won.
Yeah.
That battle.
Did he prop them up thinking they would win down the road?
He propped them so that they would.
And when everybody thought that they lost, took advantage of that loss.
What I'm saying is you'll see the same exact thing happen now.
And that's how big money.
You made 40% of your money, 40%, $400 million in a fucking day.
Yeah, I'm just more bullish on this whole thing in general.
I'm not as skeptical.
I see your point.
That's conspiratorial.
The idea that they're going to let it all go.
I just don't think it's that big a deal if it does.
Yeah.
In terms of the people who are really wealthy, right?
The people who are going to be able to do it.
Did you go through this?
Did you go through these stages?
And it's like a general question.
Did you go through at first, did you have anger that was either race-related or xenophobic towards China or Chinese people?
Did that kick in initially for either of you?
Anger Toward China00:12:50
She killed me like this is like what I didn't call it with it.
This just started for you?
No.
No, it was like a couple days after.
No, I thought, no, I just thought it would be a fun time to actually make jokes and now everybody won't be so protective because their xenophobia exists, right?
Yeah.
Right?
So it's just a fun time to take advantage of a situation.
Like, you really going to defend Asian jokes at this point in time?
Like, we've been joking on this podcast.
Like, if Shane Gillis said that shit a month later, nobody would have given a flying fuck.
They'd be like, yeah, neuters.
That's how they say it.
Why don't they stop playing that?
He'd be back on Saturday night.
100%.
As soon as the show gets canceled, the show would have gotten canceled before he did.
Nancy's behind me.
She's going in the freezer.
What are you getting, Nance?
I'm going to make some soups on my English.
Gonna make chicks and soup and send it up to her neighbor.
And then do you also go through phases where you're like, oh, this is all going to be okay.
We're all going to come out of it.
And then also apocalyptic feelings where you're like, nah, this is the end of it.
I don't ever get apocalyptic ever because I think people care too much about security for things to get apocalyptic and they can be secured.
Like, I think people will hand over their freedom for security in a heartbeat.
Like, in a fucking heartbeat.
Like, how much did it cost to get all Americans to go inside?
What was the cost of your $0.
$1,200.
The second they said we'll give you $1,200, everybody locked their fucking door and they started policing each other.
Get the hell inside.
Just like what happened in Canada.
$2,000 Canadian dollars.
Stay inside.
So people, like, if you have these people like you're talking about, right, people actually struggling, living check to check.
If you promise them, hey, if you just put this chip in your arm that proves you've been vaccinated, you can be back to work Monday.
You don't think they're going to be back to work Monday at Target or Walmart?
Yeah.
In a fucking heartbeat.
Okay, so where are the people that want to stand up against this?
How are those people going to do that?
That's the thing, man.
If you can get enough people to live in check to check, if you can get enough people to live in check to check, they will do whatever keeps them alive.
I also think if we're scared, we stand up to some shit later.
In hindsight, we'll stand up to it.
The Patriot Act, after 9-11, we passed it with no problem, and then we stood up to it years later.
Ah, you know what?
That's pretty fucked up, actually.
Yeah, because you need luxury to stand up.
Yeah, that's a first world problem.
You need a certain amount of luxury to rebel effectively.
Privacy is a luxury.
Son, all these women going to the women's march, you need to be able to take off work.
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, all these women went to women's mark.
Do they have kids?
They're not looking after their kids that day.
Like, you need to be able to take some time off.
You need to have some income coming in.
Yeah.
Here, you got to go inside.
Otherwise, you don't get your rent paid.
No, it's good.
I already got my rent covered, man.
I'm good.
Thank you.
Yeah.
But it's so many people are not going to be able to stand up to that.
That's the thing.
I would still be in the city and I'm not, I'd still be going into the studio.
I'd be wearing a mask and gloves if my wife didn't have her immune system compromised.
So that's it.
So it's like other people can bring into that situation too, where it's like, oh, your wife is sick.
So if you go out, that's going to fuck your wife up.
It's amazing how connections can like weaken your stance on liberty.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a great point.
And it's weird because it's not personal.
It's who you're connected to.
I got asthma.
I can be fucked up by this thing, but I'm like, nah, who cares?
If my fiancé had it, I'd be like, yo, I don't, can we, can I Skype in?
If it's me, I'm like, I don't give a fuck.
Who cares?
This is me.
Have you been going to the studio every day?
Say again?
Yeah.
Has Akash been coming every day?
I come twice a week for the podcast.
Yeah, Aka's here twice a week, and then we're here six days a week.
Did you ride the bike there or something, or how'd you get there?
Yeah, dude, I got my motorcycle, bro.
That's nice.
So motorized bicycle, motorized bicycle.
It's a bicycle with an electric motor, but I call it my motorcycle, dude.
Yeah, the way you said it, and sitting cross-legged, I believe.
This is how I do, bro.
Indian style.
Did you see Tracy Morgan on the Today show today?
Wilding.
Yo, he's the best.
So that's another thing I think happens because of this.
It's like people become less sensitive.
Like, you can't be sensitive when everyone's struggling.
Now is not a time for sensitivity.
And all these fucking all these people who like made their money doing jobs that aren't really real.
You know what I mean?
Like, example?
Like, like vegan cupcake store employees.
Do you know what I mean?
Like that only exists, that only exists in times of extreme luxury when you can have like a specific niche diet store open that just sells cupcakes.
So veganism is not recession proof, you're saying.
Yo, veganism is not recession-proof, or it might be the only thing you could eat.
Like, oh, yeah.
If we got to go to the farm and you just got to plant carrots and eat them, that's your life, bro.
You're vegan.
Whether you like it or not, you're vegan.
Like, you go to India, they're vegetarian.
You tell me this all the time.
You're forced to be vegan.
Yeah.
No, but it's true.
Akasha told me this all the time.
He's like, he's like, it's not like people in India are vegetarian because they want to be.
It is in the religion, but also, I remember the first time I went there, we had chicken.
That was a big fucking deal.
Chicken.
Chicken.
We go into the market.
They slit its throat.
We made it.
It was a whole thing.
You can't just buy this at the store like that.
That's a whole day.
Going out and getting your that's like that's like old school medieval shit.
Yeah, you gotta go to the market to buy a chicken.
Yeah, so we'll see what happens, man.
We'll see what happens.
I think, honestly, once we have a vaccine, everybody gets back to normal, but I think it's gonna be tough to get back to normal without the vaccine.
I mean, like, I moved my special taping to November.
I think we announced it today, matter of fact.
So it's like, I'm hoping by November we can do that.
But I'm also hoping by the fall, I can get some reps in.
Last thing I want to do is go six months without performing and then tape a special.
Yeah.
You know, so it's like I'm more bullish.
I think once we have a treatment, we don't need a vaccine.
Don't you have a treatment that's effective enough?
All right, we're out.
We're good.
That's a good point.
Once you know that your life isn't on the line, either vaccine or treatment, you're ready to go.
Yeah.
And what do you think?
I talked to Jimmy Big Balls today from Gotham.
He did the hydroxychloroquine or he did chloroquine.
Did it help him?
Saved his life, he said.
Who's this?
Jimmy Big Balls.
Remember the security guy from Gotham?
The guy who used to be married to Lamb Nelly?
Yeah.
He thought he was going to die, man.
He was on death's doorstep at the hospital, and then they put chloroquine in him.
Bang.
Two days later, I'm up.
I'm good again.
He's got oxygen hooked up to him, but he did our show this morning and he's feeling and he's preaching by it.
Really?
Yeah.
And if this is effective, we're back.
Yeah.
And think of it.
Everybody wants to hate it because the president vouched for it.
Because the president goes, this is a good thing.
And everybody's like, nah, because they hate the president more than they want to find a cure.
It's an interesting dynamic.
And I'll watch a little bit of his talks and you're like, oh, he's aware of some high-level conspiracy shit, or he's just so dumb that he's pretending he is.
I tend to believe the latter, but I do think if this hydro, was it chloroquine or whatever?
Yeah.
If that helps, Doug, we are, this is why I'm bullish on it.
We are starved, more so for live content than anything.
Because what's the one thing we haven't had in the quarantine?
Above all, human interaction.
You said it.
I miss giving people five.
I miss interacting with people.
So if there's entertainment that is live, I want to see that beyond a fucking TV show or web series.
I've been doing that this whole time.
I'm done with that.
That's the thing we're always competing with before is movies.
I hope you're right, dog.
Trust me, I want you to be right more than anything.
Just my gut.
It's such a positive thing he's saying that you feel it and you feel like it's right.
Like people are going to be jonesing, and then live stand-up should have.
I mean, we were booming.
Stand-up was booming.
It's going to, if what he says is right, it's going to hit so much bigger that it's going to have this cult thing attached to this mainstream popularity thing, which is going to make it fucking.
You know what they should do?
They should just do the temperature check.
You know, a comedy show?
Yeah, that's a live show.
Do a temperature check or do a UV ray, whatever that shit.
I don't even know.
They've got these thermal imaging things that they put in certain cities in China to check people before you go to the grocery store or any kind of public event.
Just do that.
That will make people feel safe at least.
They'll do something.
Like, you just need people to feel like they're entering a secure environment.
You know, they want to be there bad, but you need to present them with some sort of security.
I don't know if I said this on the podcast.
It's crazy India was so far ahead of this.
In early March, my sister-in-law and brother-in-law went there.
Yeah.
And when they got off the plane from America, they checked every single person's temperature.
You know how much safer you felt about everything and the flight you just took for 20 hours if you're like, oh, everybody, nobody got a temperature.
Even if it's possible to spread it, mentally you're like, huh, okay.
Security, bro.
I'm telling you, we want that security, man.
We don't give a fuck about freedom.
Bro, that's survival, dog.
Of course, we put that above everything.
But that's the thing.
Like, when you live in America and you grow up in a time of prosperity, you attach yourself to this idea of freedom.
Like, you see TV shows and movies.
And all we care about is rebellion and freedom, all that shit.
And the second push comes the show, the second we got a little pandemic out there, immediately we are so fucking ready to hand over that freedom, man.
100%.
Protect me.
That's crazy, man.
Protect me.
Big government, protect me.
I thought they were going to shut down the bridges and the tunnels a couple weeks ago because when we left, I was like, I wonder if I'll get home.
I reached out to a cop friend of mine.
I'm like, you guys shutting down the bridges?
He's like, I don't think it'll come to that.
But he's like, I don't know.
Any day.
You know, the new form of being offended?
If you go out, is someone comes into your space.
That's the most offensive thing now.
Like, that's what you want to fight over now.
Yeah.
It's like if someone gets too close to me and I'll just turn and give them a look, like, why is your shopping cart that close to me?
Don't get that close.
It's amazing how this thing divided a world that was already so divided.
It was divided on class and on race.
And now it's divided in terms of physical space.
You know how tight that's going to make people?
How increased everything is going to be, like race relations and shit with space?
Because even if it's not racist, it's going to be race.
If you say to someone, and they're a person of color, yeah, stand back.
Stand back close to me.
You're going to think it's a race thing.
See, I do understand what you're saying, but I also think that now there's something bigger than race that everybody can get on the same page with.
Also, white people never have to worry about black people not respecting germs.
Yeah, they're going to be looking at you like, get the fuck away from me, white boy.
And you'd be like, yeah, I'm not racist.
He just don't like germs.
But like, you know how like they won't pick up after their own dogs because they think it's dirty.
When I lived in Harlem, they're like, I'm not touching that shit.
Put a bag on your hands.
I'm like, a bag don't protect my hands.
There's a, yeah, you know, you know how like there's certain things that like supersede your race, right?
Objectifying a woman, right?
Like, there's a girl with a fat ass who walk down the street, and like you look at the ass, and then there's like a Puerto Rican guy across the street, he looks at the ass, and then you guys can kind of like connect over the act.
You just bonded, right?
You had this bonding moment, it was bigger than your racial division, your class division, all these things, right?
You just the pandemic's a new Latina ass.
That's not ass, bro.
It is like you see somebody sneeze, and then you can look at a black dude, and black dude looks at you, and you guys just go, Yo, what the?
That was crazy, right?
Like that right there, yeah, you know, and then you can't dap them up afterwards, but at least there's this thing you connect with, and that's why I think comedy is going to be amazing after this because not only can you not be offended by the little shit anymore, like I think the woke stuff is done, but the entire world feels the same way about the same thing.
And it's very rare in history that you get universal connectivity.
Pre-Sale American Etiquette00:08:02
So, when you make a joke about Corona, there's gonna be a lot of hack shit, but a good bit about Corona is gonna tap into feelings that everybody in the audience is gonna have.
Yeah, nobody will have a different feeling about Corona.
So, it's gonna be a really cool time for comedy the first maybe six months that we get out there before everything becomes hack.
This is a thing that also, like, Big Jay taught me years ago where he was like, A lot of people will think you can't have one guy do crowd work, then another guy do crowd work.
He's like, Crowd work should always be different based on who's doing it, right?
Because it brings your own unique perspective into it.
So, it's like, even if we're all talking about Corona the first six months, which a lot of people are going to do, my take's going to be different than your take.
My take right now is like, my wife only had three days' worth of clothes, so my wife is wearing her mom's clothes.
And I'm like, Damn, you look fucking hot in your mom's clothes.
I'm trying to fuck her in her mom's clothes, and she's wearing her mom's pajamas and 90s and shit.
But it's old lady, but it's like everyone's perspective is going to be different.
There is going to be like a lot of hackers.
Dude, you know what that is?
Hey, I'm trying to fuck with my mask on, you know, that type of shit.
That's all that stepmom porn, dude.
That's what that is.
That's that stepmom porn, working it into your psyche.
Yeah, but my mother-in-law is not like attractive.
It doesn't matter.
My clothes just fit my wife better than my wife.
My mother-in-law, stepmom.
It's all that shit that you've been watching on those websites, and it finally worked itself into your system inception-wise.
And now you're dressing your wife up like Nancy, and you want to smash in your shed, dude.
This is fucking doing her hair with a flowby, all short and spiky, and shit.
You got to ask Bob what she likes.
Wear your dead grandma's earrings.
Wear the earrings and take your teeth out.
Did you see Louis's closing joke on his special?
No, I haven't watched yet.
I gotta watch it.
Worth watching, Andrew.
Downright inspirational.
Oh, good.
Just like I watched it, and it was on a day when everything was shitty.
And you watch Louie, and you're like, oh, first of all, this guy clawed back.
I'm not going to say from nothing, but clawed back.
You have to imagine what it's like to fucking walk down the street and also be like, Louie's an ugly fucking dude, so he's got to live with that.
But it's also like people spitting on him, people calling him a rape.
So that's not to be able to go back and do stand-up.
And I'll have a thing where I go up and people are happy to see me.
So you've already got that in your corner, but you got to go up.
People fucking hate you.
Not his fan base, but I mean, like when he would drop into the cellar and shit like that, people are hating you.
You're still fucking swinging.
And then he comes back.
And I'm telling you, it's a real special.
And it's not like, it's not a huge arena thing.
It's not a big fucking deal, but it's a real special with an hour that he fucking, you could tell he banged it out, man.
And there's a lot of craft in there, and it really puts him, it puts him back in the top in the top five at least.
It's really good.
I'm excited about it.
That's the best thing for him because I thought putting out a special every year, you're like kind of stretching yourself thin.
Now he got about three years to work on the special.
I mean, he really got to build up some bits.
That's what he's always needed.
Yeah.
He just needed to be able to do it.
He needed nice meat, too.
He does recycle a bit that's like 10 years old.
If you watch the pilot of Louie, he's got a bit that's very similar, but he does a little bait and switch on it.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's, and he talked about this stuff as much as he needed to.
He didn't go too far into it.
Yeah.
He didn't have to do a one-man show like jacking off in front of improv chicks at the Aspen Comedy Fest.
But it's like, it was so, it was so inspirational.
And then we watched Louie the next night because we missed New York.
I haven't been in New York for like almost a month.
It's the longest I've been away.
Yeah, man.
Nah, he's great, man.
He's really great.
We got to see him at the Patrice O'Neill Benefit, and he fucking killed me.
Yeah, you're not missing anything in New York either.
The only thing more boring than Louie's TV show is New York right now.
Yeah, New York is, New York is pretty fucking boring, dude.
Nobody's here.
Everybody's moved out.
I'm going to go to the CVS today to get my Androgel, my testosterone.
It's been about a week, and now we've got to drive in.
I can't drive my car because if you have out-of-state plates, they pull you over immediately.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, anyway, I'm going to wish you good luck on that, man.
I'm glad you were able to call in.
You stay safe.
You stay healthy.
Okay, brother.
Make sure you go check out Aaron Berg.
Let him know where they can see you, dog.
Oh, my brand new album comes out April 23rd.
It's available for pre-sale right now.
It's called American Etiquette.
It was recorded at the New York Comedy Festival.
Basically, an audio book of my second book, American Etiquette, Failing Upwardly in a Fox News Nation.
You lucky dog, put it out.
It's on iTunes.
Get it on pre-sale.
It comes out April 23rd.
Check me out on 25 Sets or my Patreon show, Gum Fridays, every Friday or In Hot Water on Compound Media, Monday to Thursday.
My man, be good, brother.
Stay good.
Love you guys.
Missed you both.
Okay, guys.
Thank you very much for tuning in to another episode of Flagrant 2.
We will see you guys on Patreon on Friday.
We'll be back.
AssholeArmy, patreon.com slash flagrant2.
Come on in.
Come fuck with us.
We got some cool shit planned for Friday.
And by that, I mean, I'm not sure.
We haven't planned it yet, but we will have some cool shit planned by Friday.
And yeah, Akash, anything to tell the people?
Nah, man, we're good.
Just keep supporting.
Yeah, man.
Thank you again for your support.
I'm glad you're liking the episodes we've been putting out and all the content we've been putting out.
We felt it was very important to step it up during this time when you guys, you know, everybody got to play into their responsibility, you know, and sometimes the best thing you could do is lean into what you do.
So that's what we've been trying to do and just keep on creating, keep you guys thoroughly entertained and distracted during this shitty ass time.
And again, I'll say it again.
I've moved the special taping from April this weekend, April, what is it, 12th and 11th and 12th, to November.
And it's November, I believe, 13th and 14th.
We'll post something about it.
But all the tickets you guys have are still good for those dates.
I hope you guys can come back out those dates.
I hope we're back doing shows by that time.
Obviously, if you can't make it for whatever reason, Ticketmaster will give you a refund.
You just let us know.
And whatever works best, man, we just want to help accommodate.
Thank you guys so much for your support.
We will see you Friday.
Love y'all.
Thank you, John.
Oh, also, very important.
And maybe we'll put this in another part of the episode as well.
But we got this clips channel, man.
So we want you to subscribe on YouTube.
Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe.
It's a Flagrant 2 clips.
So basically, we take the highlights of the episode and we post, you know, maybe five or six clips every single day.
We do that for the nightly episodes of Corona Chronicles that I've been doing.
And so it's just tons of content there.
Go subscribe.
Even if you don't watch a single one of them, just subscribe.
It really helps us when you subscribe because YouTube goes, oh man, people really like this content.
And then they put it out there in the world.
And we want these videos to be the billboard for this show.
You know, so we want people to be randomly scrolling on YouTube and all of a sudden they pop into a video they really like.
Akash is ranting about some shit.
Alex is talking about some abortions or whatever the fuck that he does with his free time.
You know, I might be yelling about this, that, the other.
Mark is going to be doing some stuff, you know, completely, what is it?
Completely frank about whatever.
It doesn't matter.
The point is, you guys go support that.
That grows.
We do some amazing things, man.
We also have another one for the Brilliant Idiots channel as well.
The Brilliant Idiots clips.
You can go subscribe to that.
So yeah, man, we're just expanding during this time.