Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Kung-Flu feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas
Aired: 2020-03-10
Duration: 01:39:38


=== Ticket Scarcity Update (12:39) ===

[00:00:00]  What up, everybody?
[00:00:00]  Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2.
[00:00:02]  I got some news.
[00:00:04]  Very important before we start the show.
[00:00:06]  Got a great episode today.
[00:00:08]  But I know a lot of you guys have been asking me how you can get tickets to the special.
[00:00:12]  All four shows sold out.
[00:00:14]  Well, we spoke to the production company.
[00:00:16]  We asked them to move around some gear and possibly create some more space for people.
[00:00:21]  And they accommodated.
[00:00:23]  So we've added more seats to every single show.
[00:00:27]  They will go up today as you're listening to this right now.
[00:00:31]  I think at 9 a.m.
[00:00:32]  They go on sale, theandrewschultz.com.
[00:00:36]  Go get them as soon as you can.
[00:00:38]  I think there might be like 80 seats a show or something like that.
[00:00:43]  Go get them.
[00:00:44]  ASAP.
[00:00:44]  Spread the word.
[00:00:45]  Tell your friends.
[00:00:46]  Tell the world.
[00:00:47]  Thank y'all so much for selling out these shows, man.
[00:00:49]  We're doing everything they can to make sure every single one of you guys is able to get there.
[00:00:54]  So go do that and spread the word.
[00:00:55]  Thank you so much.
[00:00:57]  Now let's start the show.
[00:01:03]  What's up, everybody?
[00:01:04]  Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2.
[00:01:06]  Schultz here.
[00:01:07]  Akash in the building.
[00:01:09]  Alex Media.
[00:01:10]  We have Ed Ente Turkey.
[00:01:12]  And we have some hyenas with us, fellas.
[00:01:14]  Yes.
[00:01:15]  We have the History Hyenas, Giannis Papas, Chrissy D in the building.
[00:01:19]  Chrissy fresh off of a podcast.
[00:01:23]  What do we call it when we go to the West Coast and just kind of indulge in the podcast run?
[00:01:28]  I was on a podcast Blitz Creek.
[00:01:29]  You were on a podcast.
[00:01:31]  Which is a German term.
[00:01:32]  My feed when Chris goes West Coast to do the podcast is, you know, when a Tasmanian devil is, I'm dabbing it.
[00:01:40]  That's what my Instagram feed.
[00:01:41]  It's just like you on Theo, like, I got warts.
[00:01:44]  And then it was Jane Sauce.
[00:01:46]  And it was just cutting people's heads.
[00:01:48]  It was just every fucking wild story of your childhood where your father was clearly not around that wall.
[00:01:54]  I just let those, when I go out there, I just let stories rip.
[00:01:57]  Reality is suggestion.
[00:01:58]  It's a suggestion.
[00:01:59]  When I go out there, I just think of shit to say before.
[00:02:02]  And there's people that are like, hey, that story had a different ending last time.
[00:02:05]  And I'm like, well, it's what it is.
[00:02:06]  It's a different fucking reality, guy.
[00:02:08]  That was 2019.
[00:02:09]  Now it's 2020.
[00:02:11]  What do you want me to tell you?
[00:02:13]  You're swinging for the fences, dude.
[00:02:15]  12th round.
[00:02:16]  When I go into those LA podcasts, like I literally go in there and I take deep breaths, literally like I was playing ball.
[00:02:23]  Like Brian, when I went there, Brian Callan and Brendan are like, we're going to start.
[00:02:26]  I was like, let me just go to the bathroom.
[00:02:27]  I said SAP, which I did.
[00:02:28]  But I did 10 deep breaths in my chest.
[00:02:31]  And then I just go in.
[00:02:32]  I'm like, go wars.
[00:02:33]  And then I'm just ready to go.
[00:02:35]  And whatever it is, sometimes I'm hyper gay.
[00:02:37]  Sometimes I'm hyper straight.
[00:02:38]  I just don't know.
[00:02:40]  But I am fucking swinging for those fences.
[00:02:42]  You're like a method actor.
[00:02:43]  You feel it in the moment and you just run with it.
[00:02:45]  How am I supposed to sell tickets out here?
[00:02:47]  Chrissy, you are, I think, the best podcast guest right now.
[00:02:51]  I appreciate that.
[00:02:51]  I really think it, dude.
[00:02:53]  I was, who was I talking to?
[00:02:54]  Was it you I was talking to?
[00:02:55]  Maybe it was Mark and Alex or something like that, but it was just like, you swing for the fucking fences.
[00:02:59]  There is, it's no holds bars approach.
[00:03:01]  You don't care what anybody thinks about you.
[00:03:03]  I couldn't give a fuck at all.
[00:03:04]  I mean, that's why even with your podcast isn't the same thing.
[00:03:07]  It's like you come in here and you better have shit to say.
[00:03:09]  Like I just went.
[00:03:10]  Here we go.
[00:03:11]  Yeah.
[00:03:11]  Here we go.
[00:03:12]  I just went.
[00:03:12]  Chris watched the death before.
[00:03:14]  Yeah.
[00:03:15]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:03:15]  He literally texted me.
[00:03:16]  Yeah, I'm just watching this guy die.
[00:03:17]  I'll be about 30 minutes.
[00:03:19]  I'm going to tell you what, this story is going to end the same.
[00:03:21]  By the way, reality and podcast.
[00:03:25]  There is one ending.
[00:03:27]  It doesn't get any more 2020 than when you're visiting someone who's on their deathbed and then you're like, yo, I got to go.
[00:03:32]  I got to do a podcast.
[00:03:33]  I was like, I got to go.
[00:03:35]  Yeah, I was, and I was with, I was with Kunal Aurora, was also in there.
[00:03:39]  And I was like, I got to go do a podcast with the better version of you.
[00:03:42]  I was like, listen, I got to go you to Kunal 2.0.
[00:03:46]  And I said, but yeah, it was one of those things where it's like, you know, every time he would stop talking or he would like go to like, you know, like literally like spit up blood, I would just check my phone.
[00:03:56]  And it's just, you know, I'm sorry to do that, but it's just a symptom of 2020 reality.
[00:04:00]  I mean, I love that guy.
[00:04:01]  You know, I always have to do it.
[00:04:02]  We got fucking tickets to sell.
[00:04:03]  I mean, we came Brian, so it's like you can't, you got to leave some people behind.
[00:04:06]  He ain't buying a ticket.
[00:04:06]  Yeah.
[00:04:07]  I mean, you're punching his.
[00:04:08]  If you're out in the bush and round the bush and a kid goes down, I mean, you assess whether he can be saved.
[00:04:14]  And if not, you got to make it all the way to Brooklyn and do the podcast.
[00:04:17]  Yeah.
[00:04:17]  You can't slow down.
[00:04:18]  You got to time.
[00:04:19]  We got to be here.
[00:04:20]  Schultz Studios, take your socks and shoes off.
[00:04:21]  Let's get it.
[00:04:22]  Asian.
[00:04:22]  Yanni Papas.
[00:04:24]  Yeah.
[00:04:24]  It's an Asian.
[00:04:25]  I can't believe you don't have guest flips yet.
[00:04:27]  They're coming.
[00:04:28]  We have the fashion flops coming.
[00:04:30]  And it's going to be, you guys will be the first person.
[00:04:31]  Nice.
[00:04:32]  The first people to get a pair.
[00:04:33]  As long as they don't have your face on it, like Mao, I'll be happy.
[00:04:35]  I'll be wild if you give us the flops and it's just his face.
[00:04:38]  I'll say dunk.
[00:04:38]  Wait a minute.
[00:04:39]  Which Mao?
[00:04:39]  Mao's Mao.
[00:04:40]  He put his face on it?
[00:04:42]  He probably did.
[00:04:42]  I was thinking because it was the most relatable face.
[00:04:46]  I just feel like if you think maybe, yeah, maybe that other Asians put it on, like I could see myself in this.
[00:04:51]  I think he put it on his face and it was like them.
[00:04:53]  Yeah.
[00:04:53]  He probably just, you know, it's Mao, but it could be any older Asian guy on my flips.
[00:04:59]  How the fuck it was hard enough to tell Asians apart before it.
[00:05:02]  Now with the coronavirus mask, how do you even know?
[00:05:04]  Yeah.
[00:05:05]  You can't tell me you can notice who your mother or father is if it's just the eyes and the mask.
[00:05:09]  No, no, you can't.
[00:05:10]  There's no way.
[00:05:10]  You got to give me a little bit of lip or the bottom of their nose.
[00:05:13]  That's the only thing that's a little different about them.
[00:05:15]  Sometimes Asians got different lips, but the fucking top of the heads is all the same.
[00:05:18]  So if you want to commit a crime and you're Asian right now, I would say now's the time.
[00:05:22]  There's no way the FBI can find you if they got those masks on.
[00:05:24]  Absolutely.
[00:05:24]  I'm not being there.
[00:05:25]  They've been wearing those masks for a long time.
[00:05:27]  They've been wearing those masks before Corona.
[00:05:29]  So it's like, what did they know?
[00:05:30]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:05:31]  Like, they've been wearing those masks for a long time.
[00:05:33]  Or does it work?
[00:05:34]  Clearly, it doesn't work.
[00:05:35]  Yeah, that's a good point.
[00:05:36]  The Corona masks?
[00:05:37]  I don't think it works.
[00:05:38]  Are you fucking kidding me?
[00:05:38]  The masks are made in China.
[00:05:40]  They're fucking dipping the masks in Corona to spread it around.
[00:05:42]  100%.
[00:05:43]  That's something that was made in a lab, dude.
[00:05:46]  So that's not from eating bats.
[00:05:47]  Those fucking people eat things way more disgusting than bats.
[00:05:50]  What fucking news are you reading?
[00:05:52]  We're on the real shit.
[00:05:53]  Dude, have you ever seen Bart.com?
[00:05:55]  Yo, actually, I was thinking about that because the disease only kills old people as of now, right?
[00:06:00]  Right.
[00:06:00]  And who has the oldest people?
[00:06:02]  Chinese.
[00:06:04]  And these people will not die.
[00:06:06]  Right.
[00:06:06]  They have a problem.
[00:06:07]  They got to have an actual problem.
[00:06:09]  Maybe they're trying to get rid of people with.
[00:06:11]  I personally think that they, because under a microscope, it looks the same as HIV.
[00:06:16]  That's what they say.
[00:06:16]  So therefore, it had to have been made, right?
[00:06:19]  That's something nature doesn't do that.
[00:06:22]  Man does that.
[00:06:23]  Man sees something that kills.
[00:06:24]  And then, so I'm not saying that they actually meant to do that, but they somehow made that in a lab and then it got out in Wuhan Klein.
[00:06:31]  I don't know how it got out, but it got out.
[00:06:33]  And now it's causing problems.
[00:06:35]  I can't fucking take seriously you talking science with where's Waldo socks on.
[00:06:40]  Let me tell you something.
[00:06:41]  You got candy cane socks on.
[00:06:42]  Lululemon pants on, guys.
[00:06:44]  It's just, I can't look.
[00:06:46]  I got Lulu's on.
[00:06:48]  Can we put something over his socks like a fucking, does he want to have a wash club we can drape over him?
[00:06:51]  Yeah.
[00:06:52]  Because I can't concentrate looking at his fucking Where's Waldo socks?
[00:06:55]  I got Lulu's on.
[00:06:56]  Did you say son because you're here at Schultz Studios?
[00:06:58]  That's what I know.
[00:06:59]  It's the first time I've ever heard you say son.
[00:07:01]  You tell me to pull up.
[00:07:02]  I'm out of here.
[00:07:03]  Yeah.
[00:07:03]  You got him off.
[00:07:04]  Listen.
[00:07:05]  I'm like, Schultz, can I come through?
[00:07:06]  He goes, pull up.
[00:07:07]  I'm sorry I didn't phrase that right now.
[00:07:09]  Anytime when you call me for the next week, I'm just going to say talk to me.
[00:07:12]  Yeah, talk to me.
[00:07:13]  Is that what I do?
[00:07:14]  Yeah, you say, talk to me.
[00:07:15]  Talk to me.
[00:07:16]  I don't say that at all.
[00:07:18]  Conversations with talk to me or Walton.
[00:07:20]  The main one, though, is there's a world where...
[00:07:22]  Have you guys, have you?
[00:07:23]  There's a world where you need it?
[00:07:24]  Yeah.
[00:07:25]  We've got them all.
[00:07:25]  Yeah.
[00:07:26]  I don't know if we're in all Schultz.
[00:07:28]  I got insecure about that because someone told me that I say that about me.
[00:07:31]  So it was probably you, maybe my girl said it, but basically a lot of people.
[00:07:34]  Probably everybody did an inside joke.
[00:07:35]  Everybody was having inside jokes.
[00:07:37]  So I've been trying to rephrase that.
[00:07:39]  And I'll be like, there's a situation in which there's a world where.
[00:07:44]  Yo, there's a world where.
[00:07:45]  It's good, man.
[00:07:46]  We got to talk about the world.
[00:07:47]  Yanni P, bro.
[00:07:48]  So tell us, there's something that's very important.
[00:07:50]  If any of you guys follow Giannis on Twitter, man, we got to support his special, man, because he's been.
[00:07:56]  Because he's not doing great.
[00:07:57]  No, no, he's been going through some things.
[00:07:59]  Chris fucking tough hand guy.
[00:08:04]  It's because you come out too hard.
[00:08:07]  You got too serious with your comedy.
[00:08:08]  We're fucking fucking around.
[00:08:12]  This guy's making me think too much.
[00:08:15]  What did you say when you came in today?
[00:08:18]  What was it?
[00:08:19]  I don't remember.
[00:08:20]  I was in a blackout.
[00:08:21]  What did I say?
[00:08:21]  I don't know, but it was something super heavy.
[00:08:24]  What was it?
[00:08:25]  I don't know.
[00:08:26]  I personally love it.
[00:08:28]  I love the heavy stuff from you.
[00:08:30]  You know what I mean?
[00:08:31]  Yeah.
[00:08:31]  It's part of who I am.
[00:08:33]  Yeah.
[00:08:33]  But you're coming from the woods.
[00:08:34]  You were looking at horses this morning.
[00:08:36]  Yeah, what did I say when I came in here?
[00:08:37]  And you came in heavy, right?
[00:08:38]  What did I say?
[00:08:39]  Chris literally came from a dead body and he comes in light.
[00:08:42]  Lighter than your life.
[00:08:43]  Light is a fitness.
[00:08:45]  I mean, I'll tell you right now, this is what I deal with on and every day.
[00:08:47]  I've coined a character called Yanni Long Days.
[00:08:50]  And it's just, you know, you got to deal with stuff like this every once in a while.
[00:08:53]  You know, listen, this is three o'clock in the morning.
[00:08:56]  Actors stop boasting about your virtue.
[00:08:58]  You're getting so over being rich and famous for a job a child can do for a job a child can often does.
[00:09:05]  He always has spelling mistakes.
[00:09:07]  Smart criminals know to lay low during after a robbery and not bring attention to themselves.
[00:09:11]  Shut the fuck up like Keanu, or we'll start to figure out the hustle.
[00:09:15]  I got to bring back the character.
[00:09:19]  Then he says, or else your jobs will go to criminals that make license plates and drunks like in Shakespeare's day.
[00:09:24]  Is that right?
[00:09:24]  Criminals used to be the ones that did the action.
[00:09:26]  They would give them the drunks.
[00:09:27]  Yeah, they'd throw like, hey, you want to make a couple pence?
[00:09:29]  They'd star into Shakespeare.
[00:09:30]  Shakespeare was famous and nobody knew who the actors were.
[00:09:33]  The tweet is basically saying like, we know what it's basically saying.
[00:09:37]  You just took four minutes to read the fucking thing, yo.
[00:09:40]  You know what?
[00:09:40]  The whole point of Twitter is to basically say in the first place.
[00:09:43]  You know what's the best part about Rome?
[00:09:45]  One of the great parts about Roman culture that we figured out while we discovered once?
[00:09:49]  So they used to, if you were a criminal, right?
[00:09:51]  Back, you committed a crime, you were fucking by jury, your peers, whatever, they would put you, you would get to act in a play, like a stage play that the emperor would go to.
[00:10:00]  And if there was a scene where you got killed in the show, they'd kill you for real.
[00:10:04]  That's how you die.
[00:10:05]  That was your death sentence.
[00:10:06]  You would get killed on stage in front of everybody for the art.
[00:10:09]  Fucking why?
[00:10:09]  I can't understand it.
[00:10:11]  Yeah, it's kind of cool.
[00:10:12]  Just get beheaded.
[00:10:13]  You would get eaten by a lion.
[00:10:14]  That's what's next.
[00:10:15]  I mean, we're heading there.
[00:10:16]  That's real.
[00:10:16]  That's next.
[00:10:16]  That's a real thing.
[00:10:17]  Why would you agree to do it?
[00:10:18]  Well, you have no choice.
[00:10:19]  You're in jail.
[00:10:20]  That's what you have to choose.
[00:10:21]  I'll just stay in jail.
[00:10:22]  You kill me in jail.
[00:10:22]  You're not going to kill me in front of the whole city.
[00:10:24]  Do you think they would just do it?
[00:10:25]  Because they had respect.
[00:10:26]  I don't know.
[00:10:27]  I don't know.
[00:10:28]  It's just a thing that we read, that we discovered.
[00:10:30]  We already know that.
[00:10:30]  Maybe like one guy did it.
[00:10:32]  Hey, one guy's good enough for me.
[00:10:33]  For my stories, for Chrissy's world, it's good enough because the whole people did it for thousands of years.
[00:10:37]  When Chrissy tells a story, it could be, could not.
[00:10:40]  You just got it, whatever.
[00:10:41]  Reality is a suggestion.
[00:10:42]  It's a suggestion.
[00:10:43]  You never know.
[00:10:43]  Okay.
[00:10:44]  Have either of you guys been to Portland?
[00:10:46]  Yes.
[00:10:46]  Oregon.
[00:10:46]  Not me.
[00:10:47]  Okay.
[00:10:47]  So we're in Portland doing shows this past weekend.
[00:10:50]  And I have never experienced ruder people in my entire life.
[00:10:58]  I was absolutely baffled.
[00:11:00]  We went to this place called Pine Street Biscuits.
[00:11:03]  Pine State Biscuits, Al?
[00:11:05]  Is that the one that all Lesbos owns?
[00:11:07]  They're all Lesbos.
[00:11:08]  Because there's one that's all fucking Lesbos.
[00:11:09]  They're all Lesbos.
[00:11:10]  Yeah.
[00:11:11]  And I, and we go in there, and there wasn't really a seating area.
[00:11:16]  There was like a kind of like some bar stools or some shit, but I wanted to like sit down.
[00:11:18]  I wanted to have service.
[00:11:20]  That's voodoo donuts.
[00:11:22]  I go up to the girl I go who's at the counter and I go, hey, just out of curiosity, can you recommend like a diner or something around here?
[00:11:29]  We just want to have like some like, you know, seated table service, something like that.
[00:11:33]  And she goes, she goes, do you have a smartphone?
[00:11:37]  I go, yeah.
[00:11:37]  She goes, you might want to try typing that in it.
[00:11:40]  Wow.
[00:11:40]  Whoa.
[00:11:42]  Wow.
[00:11:43]  I could not fuck.
[00:11:45]  Dude, I wanted to grab her by the back of her skull and just slam her forehead.
[00:11:50]  Slams at a purple-headed head into the fucking counter, dude.
[00:11:54]  I could not.
[00:11:55]  It was so much.
[00:11:56]  You know how, like, as a comic, you expect yourself to have a witty retort?
[00:11:59]  Yeah.
[00:12:00]  It was flabbergasted.
[00:12:01]  I was flabbergasting.
[00:12:02]  What did I say, Al?
[00:12:03]  I go, did that just happen?
[00:12:06]  I started laughing like halfway into her statement because I know where it was going.
[00:12:10]  I was like, I can't believe she said this shit.
[00:12:12]  When she said, do you have a smartphone?
[00:12:14]  I thought there was an app for good places to eat in Portland that she was going to recommend.
[00:12:20]  I was like, yeah, I do.
[00:12:21]  Like, I took the bait.
[00:12:22]  I took the bait.
[00:12:23]  Like an idiot.
[00:12:24]  I took this bait.
[00:12:25]  Yeah, I do.
[00:12:26]  And then just type that into your smartphone and then fucking walked away.
[00:12:29]  Do you think she recognized that?
[00:12:30]  The walkaway bothers me because she didn't sit in it.
[00:12:32]  Yeah, at least I can have a chance at a witty retort if you sit in it.
[00:12:36]  I had nothing.
[00:12:36]  Until you fuck you.
[00:12:37]  I had fucking nothing.

=== Church Controversy Explained (04:54) ===

[00:12:39]  They're all like that.
[00:12:40]  Dude, it was unbelievable.
[00:12:42]  Because you didn't bring your sword.
[00:12:43]  You didn't expect.
[00:12:44]  You didn't expect for a duel to happen.
[00:12:45]  I didn't.
[00:12:46]  You were just asking for a place.
[00:12:47]  It started on the way.
[00:12:48]  I'm on the flight over there.
[00:12:50]  The flight attendant goes, we have two options.
[00:12:53]  We have oatmeal or a Creole omelet.
[00:12:54]  I go, what's in the Creole omelette?
[00:12:56]  She goes, eggs.
[00:13:00]  Is there something about my face where people think they could be rude to me?
[00:13:03]  I'm like, there's a lot about your face.
[00:13:05]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:13:06]  That's that.
[00:13:07]  I'll ask that question.
[00:13:08]  Leave it.
[00:13:08]  I'll ask that question totally.
[00:13:10]  Here's the thing I realized while I'm out there is that Portland is white people without God or without religion.
[00:13:18]  White people.
[00:13:18]  That's a dangerous white person.
[00:13:20]  That's a dangerous white person.
[00:13:21]  Because, go, go.
[00:13:22]  They just need something to check you.
[00:13:24]  We need a check.
[00:13:25]  Yeah.
[00:13:25]  That's fucking balance, dude.
[00:13:27]  And when I mean religion, I'm concerned about the Crusades, but they had a God and they did some boo-books.
[00:13:32]  Come on.
[00:13:32]  Talk about some shit from 400 years ago.
[00:13:34]  Dude, that's what everybody did.
[00:13:36]  The Catholic Church did a few boobs.
[00:13:38]  You know what I mean?
[00:13:38]  A couple, but they did way more good than bad.
[00:13:40]  They molested a few kids.
[00:13:42]  They fed like the whole world.
[00:13:43]  Couple hundred.
[00:13:43]  Did you really think about it?
[00:13:44]  That's true.
[00:13:45]  Would you trade those kids for the millions of people they fed?
[00:13:48]  It's charity full.
[00:13:49]  Millions of people they fed.
[00:13:50]  Yeah, that's true.
[00:13:51]  Thanks, Chris.
[00:13:51]  I'm a Catholic.
[00:13:52]  Listen, I've taken a few off the fucking nose.
[00:13:54]  You know that.
[00:13:54]  It's charity gas.
[00:13:55]  I don't mind it.
[00:13:56]  Say again.
[00:13:56]  That's what fuels charity.
[00:13:58]  It's what fuels charity.
[00:13:58]  It's kids.
[00:13:59]  Yeah.
[00:14:00]  Ask Epstein's, ask all that kind of shit.
[00:14:02]  Anyway, point is.
[00:14:03]  Yeah.
[00:14:03]  That's science.
[00:14:04]  Chris is so Catholic.
[00:14:05]  He got molested by friends.
[00:14:06]  By friends, yeah.
[00:14:07]  That's crazy.
[00:14:09]  Catholics, though.
[00:14:09]  Yeah, bro.
[00:14:09]  I got tattoos all over my back.
[00:14:11]  Yeah, and I'll still go to church.
[00:14:12]  I support it.
[00:14:13]  There we go.
[00:14:14]  Just indoctrinated in you.
[00:14:15]  I respect Catholics the way they can sort of create a safe place for themselves.
[00:14:20]  Right.
[00:14:20]  Like they can push down the truth and live in a place.
[00:14:24]  Well, why do they have to be perfect?
[00:14:25]  That's what I understand.
[00:14:26]  Like, why does every single, aren't people, don't people sin?
[00:14:30]  Isn't that baked into religion that people fuck up?
[00:14:32]  It doesn't have to be the Catholicism that's wrong.
[00:14:33]  It has to be the people that touch the kids that are wrong.
[00:14:35]  But that's the whole method that the priests use to win your confidence.
[00:14:38]  Like you said.
[00:14:39]  No, they're molesters that go, what should I do so I can take advantage of kids?
[00:14:43]  Oh, be a priest.
[00:14:44]  That works.
[00:14:44]  Exactly.
[00:14:45]  Right?
[00:14:45]  It's like a cover for a pedophile.
[00:14:47]  Yes.
[00:14:47]  I think the whole thing is an elaborate.
[00:14:50]  Not the whole thing.
[00:14:51]  I think the whole thing is an elaborate operation.
[00:14:54]  What about the Real?
[00:14:55]  I mean, look at that.
[00:14:56]  What about CYL basketball?
[00:14:57]  If you were to build CYO, I never got molested by CYO.
[00:15:02]  How do you track kids?
[00:15:03]  What do you mean?
[00:15:03]  You attract kids.
[00:15:05]  You do basketball leagues.
[00:15:06]  You do schools.
[00:15:07]  No, every religion falls into the kids because the kids are the most valuable.
[00:15:12]  You call me father.
[00:15:14]  You don't fuck your dad.
[00:15:15]  No, but whose authority can you never question?
[00:15:17]  Whose authority would a family never question?
[00:15:20]  Someone you call father who talks to Jesus.
[00:15:22]  And leave your son with me.
[00:15:24]  We're going to put him in school.
[00:15:25]  Yeah.
[00:15:25]  We're going to teach him.
[00:15:27]  He's going to be with me.
[00:15:28]  He's under my God, into my tutelage.
[00:15:30]  How do you think they were able to get away with it for so long?
[00:15:33]  It only came to life.
[00:15:34]  You know, this is somebody podcast, right?
[00:15:36]  What the fuck is this?
[00:15:38]  I mean, but it's like, that's what they've been doing.
[00:15:40]  He's displaying molestation to us.
[00:15:42]  That's random 11 lies.
[00:15:45]  I woke up at four o'clock in the morning.
[00:15:46]  I thought I was going to have a fucking great day.
[00:15:47]  And he had a tweet that said that the wheels of history are greased with blood.
[00:15:51]  And I was like, what?
[00:15:52]  They are.
[00:15:53]  You say this shit like no one knows it.
[00:15:55]  And then it was second starting in the morning.
[00:15:57]  Oh, Johnny Jane.
[00:15:58]  I'm telling you, the purpose of the Catholic Church is to molest kids.
[00:16:01]  Yannis.
[00:16:02]  It's a cover for the buildings.
[00:16:03]  Yeah.
[00:16:04]  Gargoyles.
[00:16:05]  People.
[00:16:05]  Gargoyles.
[00:16:06]  Yes.
[00:16:06]  But what about the buildings?
[00:16:07]  What about the churches?
[00:16:08]  What about cathedrals?
[00:16:09]  The batting I see in my life.
[00:16:11]  Kids don't care about art.
[00:16:12]  Kids don't care about marble.
[00:16:13]  Kids don't care about sculpture.
[00:16:14]  That is in their dark souls.
[00:16:16]  The architecture is a manifestation of the dark lords in the world.
[00:16:20]  And now I feel like you're doing the thing that you're saying they're doing.
[00:16:22]  You're creating this place just for them.
[00:16:24]  You got to admit, there's a few good Catholics.
[00:16:26]  I'll be honest with you.
[00:16:26]  Is Chris a molesto?
[00:16:27]  I got captive tattoos off my body.
[00:16:29]  I got scripture on my body.
[00:16:30]  And I'll fucking be 100% transparent right now.
[00:16:34]  Yeah.
[00:16:34]  All I had mostly great, great, great experiences being an altar boy, playing CYL, going to church, growing up in a Catholic family.
[00:16:42]  There was a couple of instances where I told you I would go ask Father Bill.
[00:16:46]  Father Bill asked me to get his cloak from the upstairs part of the church and I blacked out.
[00:16:50]  So that I don't know necessarily what happened, but it was a blackout.
[00:16:54]  But I'm telling you, even me going through that, and I did, I did.
[00:16:58]  But that's even charitable that they make you black out and forget about it.
[00:17:01]  Like most molesters, you got to carry that shit for the rest of your life.
[00:17:03]  You don't remember anything.
[00:17:04]  I don't remember it.
[00:17:05]  It was a blackout.
[00:17:06]  But I do not, I won't have my daughter in Catholic stuff and my mom.
[00:17:10]  She only touches the girls.
[00:17:10]  Yeah, girls are tough.
[00:17:11]  That's true.
[00:17:12]  I do think my daughter's a lesbian, though.
[00:17:13]  That's another thing, though.
[00:17:15]  But I don't know.
[00:17:16]  She just acts a little gay.
[00:17:17]  But it's fine.
[00:17:18]  You know?
[00:17:18]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:17:19]  It's fine.
[00:17:19]  I don't mind at all.
[00:17:20]  She's just, I don't know.
[00:17:21]  She's just scissors.
[00:17:23]  The other kids?
[00:17:23]  No.
[00:17:28]  No.
[00:17:28]  I'm kidding.
[00:17:29]  No, we just.
[00:17:29]  Maybe she had one of your podcasts on in the background and she was like, men are disgusting.

=== Racial Identity Confusion (10:05) ===

[00:17:34]  Men are disgusting.
[00:17:34]  I don't think my kids are.
[00:17:36]  No, she was gay.
[00:17:37]  I don't care.
[00:17:38]  She should be sexual.
[00:17:39]  You're sexual.
[00:17:40]  She's going to be sexual.
[00:17:41]  I don't care if my child is gay at all.
[00:17:44]  And I actually don't care if they're trans.
[00:17:46]  As long as she votes to the right.
[00:17:48]  Yeah, she's going to the right.
[00:17:49]  I mean, what she already knows, because she's Puerto Rican, she already knows we're going to be Puerto Rican on college applications, white on job applications.
[00:17:55]  That's how that's going to work.
[00:17:56]  When we're 50-50, 100%.
[00:17:58]  That's not going to change.
[00:17:58]  I know it's going to fit.
[00:17:59]  Elizabeth Warren.
[00:18:00]  Yeah, it's not going to change.
[00:18:01]  That's, by the way, we should have did when that Portland lady said, use your smartphone.
[00:18:05]  You should have just said Trump 2020.
[00:18:06]  You should have said that right there.
[00:18:07]  Yeah, right.
[00:18:08]  She would have fucking blown it.
[00:18:09]  I didn't have anything.
[00:18:09]  You should have just said, listen, bitch, you got your smartphone for four more years.
[00:18:13]  Are those your dude America great socks?
[00:18:15]  What?
[00:18:15]  Is that what they are?
[00:18:16]  These socks?
[00:18:17]  Yeah, these America great socks.
[00:18:19]  Yeah, these are laundry day socks.
[00:18:21]  I don't know why I put these puppies on.
[00:18:23]  There's this thing that happens to us, and I don't know what the fuck it is, but we need some sort of like purpose because otherwise you just go like this.
[00:18:31]  You go, well, why should I be nice to this person if life is pointless?
[00:18:35]  Yeah.
[00:18:36]  You need some sort of driving force, at least in Seattle where they're like real hippies.
[00:18:40]  You have to be nice as part of that hippie culture.
[00:18:43]  You have to treat someone with decency.
[00:18:45]  Right.
[00:18:45]  And they buy into it.
[00:18:46]  Portland, they're not hippies.
[00:18:47]  They're always just fearless.
[00:18:48]  They're fair.
[00:18:48]  People who are religious fear God have no God, fear nothing except black people.
[00:18:55]  And that's where Al comes in handy.
[00:18:57]  You got to ask all the questions in Portland.
[00:18:59]  Yo, Bill, that's a thing dick if you tell them.
[00:19:01]  But they were super nice to Al.
[00:19:03]  Super nice.
[00:19:03]  Super nice to him.
[00:19:04]  They feel bad.
[00:19:05]  We were having this other conversation too while we're out there, right?
[00:19:08]  Because I'm really trying to understand what the fuck Portland was.
[00:19:11]  And you know how there's this like alt-right bastion of like alt-rightness in like Oregon.
[00:19:17]  Yeah.
[00:19:18]  It's not in Portland.
[00:19:19]  But it's like right in Oregon.
[00:19:20]  It's very red.
[00:19:21]  Very red.
[00:19:22]  Yeah, right.
[00:19:22]  Alhood and all that.
[00:19:23]  KKK, all that kind of shit.
[00:19:24]  And I can objectively say this as a white guy, I objectively say this.
[00:19:28]  Those are not the best whites that exist there.
[00:19:31]  They do make better audience members than people in Portland, though.
[00:19:34]  I will say they'll laugh more at your joke.
[00:19:35]  They're not good people.
[00:19:36]  Can I tell you something?
[00:19:37]  But you'll crush in front of them.
[00:19:38]  Can I tell you something?
[00:19:39]  Audiences were amazing.
[00:19:41]  In Portland.
[00:19:42]  Amazing.
[00:19:42]  And this is always how it is.
[00:19:44]  The more annoying a city, the better the people that come at you are catharsis for them.
[00:19:49]  They fucking say it because they need it.
[00:19:51]  Yes, because nobody's saying it.
[00:19:52]  And then we go there and we say it.
[00:19:54]  They're like, thank you.
[00:19:55]  Somebody fucking understands.
[00:19:56]  So they were incredible.
[00:19:58]  No, there's nothing about the people that came out.
[00:20:00]  But there's something about the people there, right?
[00:20:03]  They're like, these white people are like, oh, we're white supremacists or some shit like that.
[00:20:06]  They're like 140 pounds.
[00:20:07]  There's way better whites out there in the world.
[00:20:09]  We know this for a fact.
[00:20:10]  Sure.
[00:20:10]  People from the fucking Netherlands, 6'6 fucking white behemoths.
[00:20:13]  The best whites, yeah.
[00:20:14]  The best whites, probably, right?
[00:20:16]  I would say Norwegians are.
[00:20:17]  Norwegians are.
[00:20:18]  No, no, no, not Swedes.
[00:20:18]  Swedes are weak.
[00:20:19]  They're a little beta, but Norwegians, or if you, have you seen a fucking Dutch speed skater body?
[00:20:27]  Good bodies.
[00:20:27]  Have you seen that body?
[00:20:28]  No, but I'm curious.
[00:20:29]  Yeah, no.
[00:20:30]  Please go.
[00:20:30]  Whenever you go check it out, where do you check out speed skating Norwegians?
[00:20:34]  Winter Olympics.
[00:20:35]  No, no, I want to.
[00:20:36]  Oh, sorry.
[00:20:37]  Dutch.
[00:20:37]  Dutch.
[00:20:38]  Go Dutch.
[00:20:38]  I don't get specifically my fucking Scandinavians like that.
[00:20:41]  I mean, not Scandinavian.
[00:20:42]  That's here in Penny, my brain.
[00:20:43]  Norway, Scandinavia.
[00:20:44]  Germans are still the best whites.
[00:20:46]  Look at these.
[00:20:46]  Look, no, no, that's a female.
[00:20:48]  That's a female.
[00:20:49]  Go to male.
[00:20:50]  Holy shit.
[00:20:50]  That's a white ass.
[00:20:51]  That's a white ass, Chris.
[00:20:52]  That's a white fucking muscle ass.
[00:20:53]  Go to male, go to male speed.
[00:20:56]  Forget these hot fucking Dutch women.
[00:20:58]  I want to see a hot, a nice, just Dutch cock.
[00:21:04]  That is a nice bot.
[00:21:05]  So, so we're figuring this out, right?
[00:21:09]  Okay.
[00:21:10]  Okay, we're in Portland and we're having this discussion.
[00:21:12]  I'm like, why the fuck, right?
[00:21:15]  You see all the like the most racist whites.
[00:21:17]  Sure.
[00:21:20]  The most racist whites are not white supremacists.
[00:21:26]  Right.
[00:21:26]  The most progressive whites are actually white supremacists.
[00:21:32]  Of course.
[00:21:32]  I'll make this point, right?
[00:21:34]  So, because think about the most racist whites don't feel like they're supreme.
[00:21:37]  They're fearful.
[00:21:38]  The Mexicans are going to steal our jobs.
[00:21:40]  The black guys are going to fuck our women or take all our basketball fucking positions, et cetera, like that.
[00:21:45]  They're fearful of minorities.
[00:21:48]  They're afraid because they don't believe they're supreme.
[00:21:50]  Those Norwegians, they're like, yeah, welcome.
[00:21:53]  Come to our country.
[00:21:54]  Black people aren't going to learn how to ski.
[00:21:55]  Come, hey, Muslims, come to our country.
[00:21:57]  We don't fucking care.
[00:21:58]  We don't think you're a threat because the progressive whites really believe they're better.
[00:22:03]  And they stroud that.
[00:22:05]  Progressive American whites, not only do they not see you as a threat, they pity you.
[00:22:08]  They pity you.
[00:22:10]  That's why I fucking hate them.
[00:22:11]  Don't pity me.
[00:22:12]  Fuck you.
[00:22:13]  Fuck you.
[00:22:14]  Because you want the smoke.
[00:22:14]  You want to go less than that.
[00:22:15]  You want to go toe-to-toe.
[00:22:16]  I'm better.
[00:22:17]  I would prove it to you now.
[00:22:18]  And if you're giving me the win, fuck you.
[00:22:20]  And that's bullshit.
[00:22:21]  So on some level, when you look at like those racist southern hillbilly whites, you actually have to look at them like, no, they actually see, if you're a non-white person, you got to be like, whoa, they actually see me as better.
[00:22:30]  Yeah.
[00:22:30]  It's a compliment.
[00:22:31]  Yeah.
[00:22:32]  They don't want to compete with you.
[00:22:33]  Yeah.
[00:22:34]  I feel bad for them.
[00:22:35]  But the people who, it's like if I'm playing basketball with somebody, and I'm not good, but I'm much better than I look like I would be.
[00:22:41]  If you just let me, like, if you're not playing actual defense, I'm going to be like, what the fuck?
[00:22:44]  Who the fuck are you?
[00:22:45]  Fuck you.
[00:22:46]  I'm not some fucking charity people.
[00:22:48]  I'm just fucking.
[00:22:50]  I'm just laughing at the idea of him playing.
[00:22:51]  No, I just had this image of this like bunch of like white racists chasing chasing a black guy and the black guy going like I'm so flattered.
[00:22:59]  These guys are so fucking into me.
[00:23:04]  But now you're getting chased out of the country.
[00:23:06]  You just look at every thank you.
[00:23:07]  You have to be some level of you.
[00:23:09]  You got to be.
[00:23:10]  You got to, though.
[00:23:10]  The beauty of that scenario, Giannis, is now as a black dude, you get to prove how fast you are.
[00:23:15]  That's true.
[00:23:16]  Watching costume with the truck and I can run a foot race with black guys.
[00:23:20]  That's a compliment.
[00:23:21]  You got to get in your truck to catch me.
[00:23:23]  Yo.
[00:23:24]  Yeah, I think we just have white people who just, they recently found out that white people are the only people on the planet that have like 2 to 5% Neanderthal DNA.
[00:23:34]  This is just a fact.
[00:23:36]  Maybe we're just evil.
[00:23:38]  Maybe we just have a vitamin D deficiency.
[00:23:41]  You weren't.
[00:23:41]  It was so easy.
[00:23:42]  So you weren't here for this.
[00:23:43]  You weren't here for this, Chrissy, but we were having this conversation before.
[00:23:47]  The three of us.
[00:23:48]  And we're talking about like why America, like why we're such savages here.
[00:23:52]  Right.
[00:23:53]  And it's not just whites.
[00:23:54]  It's just we're all fucking savages here in America.
[00:23:57]  And we chalked it up to like people that wanted opportunity or whatever it is.
[00:24:01]  Right.
[00:24:02]  But it's not that.
[00:24:03]  We're a country of fucking sociopaths.
[00:24:06]  We're a country of people, my mother included, left her entire family, the only people that loved her in Scotland to never see again unless she flew them in.
[00:24:17]  She was totally fine not seeing her mom ever again.
[00:24:20]  That's a sociopathic mentality.
[00:24:23]  We have an entire country of these people.
[00:24:25]  And that's why socialism or communism doesn't make sense because when Europeans go, well, don't you want to take care of them?
[00:24:31]  And it's like, I don't even want to take care of my mom.
[00:24:33]  Yeah, I don't even care about them.
[00:24:34]  I'd care about nobody else.
[00:24:35]  Yeah, that's why all the psychosis and the craziest shit is in here.
[00:24:38]  Well, it's here, but it's in Los Angeles specifically because then even a smaller microcosm is the craziest ones of those Americans go to Los Angeles and then they create and then they run the media.
[00:24:48]  So now you think that there's all these problems when it's like all those people want us to fucking fuck your children and suck your blood.
[00:24:55]  So you got to be careful because you flirt with the line there.
[00:24:59]  Because they're running the media and just coming from that face in Ridgewood, you're just going like, all right, just let's Jews?
[00:25:05]  Yeah, let's just take it.
[00:25:07]  You were on a rope like this.
[00:25:08]  You saw you like this?
[00:25:09]  No, and I saw Wind Gus come and it went like this, but you stayed up.
[00:25:13]  Yeah, no, I'm doing better because my friend is dying.
[00:25:15]  You know what?
[00:25:16]  You know what's funny about German kids in Ridgewood?
[00:25:18]  We were talking about this because Chris German now.
[00:25:20]  Yeah, Chris is charging.
[00:25:22]  German to the bed, bro.
[00:25:24]  Reality is a suggestion.
[00:25:25]  Chris is character healing.
[00:25:26]  Remember when he said he's okay with his goods?
[00:25:28]  Remember when he said he's okay with this girl being gay?
[00:25:29]  Reality's a suggestion.
[00:25:31]  These are all suggestions.
[00:25:32]  He'll be whatever you want, but the truth is he's mostly German from a German neighborhood.
[00:25:35]  Ridgewood.
[00:25:36]  That's right.
[00:25:37]  Yeah, he's mostly German.
[00:25:38]  And Ridgewood is a traditionally, mostly German neighborhood.
[00:25:40]  Do you believe this shit?
[00:25:41]  Oh, I know it for a fact.
[00:25:42]  The Italian sitcom fails, and he's got to find a new identity.
[00:25:46]  Okay, so now he's the German wild guy.
[00:25:49]  Chris.
[00:25:49]  And he says the crazy shit.
[00:25:50]  This guy's genius.
[00:25:51]  He's a fucking sociopath.
[00:25:53]  He's not the rest of us.
[00:25:54]  Don't believe it.
[00:25:55]  He's not a real person.
[00:25:56]  He's moving.
[00:25:57]  He's keep moving.
[00:25:58]  Yeah, just keep it moving.
[00:25:59]  He's here for the pleasure of everybody.
[00:26:00]  And whatever you need, he will provide you with fun and good, whatever you need.
[00:26:04]  Yeah, I don't care.
[00:26:05]  When I go home, I fucking unzip my skin.
[00:26:07]  It's what?
[00:26:07]  And I just step out into something you've never seen before.
[00:26:10]  But here's the funny thing about Germans.
[00:26:12]  Here's the funny thing about Germans.
[00:26:16]  Reality is a suggestion.
[00:26:19]  You too at it.
[00:26:20]  Fuck it.
[00:26:20]  If you can prove you have a passport.
[00:26:25]  The German kids.
[00:26:26]  You are citizens.
[00:26:27]  The fucking Germans.
[00:26:29]  I'm seeing the honest German point out.
[00:26:33]  To your point.
[00:26:34]  10 minutes.
[00:26:34]  To your point.
[00:26:35]  Chrissy.
[00:26:36]  Just try to get him to level him on the honest chest.
[00:26:39]  I just steamroll myself with the gay.
[00:26:42]  I prove it.
[00:26:43]  I approve of this method.
[00:26:44]  I prove his message.
[00:26:45]  He's getting two history hyenas on him.
[00:26:48]  Let's take a break for a second and let y'all know about some shows that we got coming up.
[00:26:52]  You know, obviously those tickets are available for the special.
[00:26:55]  We just added those seats or made those seats available.
[00:26:58]  So make sure you go get those, theandrewscholes.com.
[00:27:00]  Orlando, we'll see you this weekend.
[00:27:02]  The shows are sold out.
[00:27:03]  Thank y'all so much.
[00:27:04]  After that, Richmond, Virginia, those tickets are sold out.
[00:27:07]  But you can come to Virginia Beach.
[00:27:08]  I think we still got a few tickets left in the Virginia Beach show.
[00:27:11]  Charlotte, North Carolina, which will be that following Sunday.
[00:27:17]  We still have a few tickets left for that.
[00:27:19]  Go get those.
[00:27:19]  Then New Jersey, Stress Factory sold out.
[00:27:23]  Minneapolis, we had a second show.
[00:27:25]  Some tickets available for that.
[00:27:26]  Milwaukee, we got tickets available for that show as well.
[00:27:29]  And so do we have tickets available for Tucson?
[00:27:31]  And Tucson will be the last show that I do before the special, theandrewscholes.com for all these.
[00:27:37]  Spread the word, spread the flagrancy.

=== Shipping Sales Breakdown (02:42) ===

[00:27:39]  Come on out and enjoy your damn sales.
[00:27:41]  Akash, what you got, man?
[00:27:43]  March 12th through 14th.
[00:27:44]  That's this week.
[00:27:45]  I'm going to be in Montreal Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
[00:27:49]  Come through.
[00:27:49]  Let's pack that bitch out.
[00:27:51]  I want to destroy all the Canadian markets.
[00:27:53]  I know there's Mad Indians there.
[00:27:54]  Montreal, come through.
[00:27:55]  Let's do it.
[00:27:56]  The day before that, I'm doing a college gig in Canton, New York at St. Lawrence University.
[00:28:02]  Every time I do a college gig, there's always some assholes that hit me up that's like, hey, I live there.
[00:28:05]  If I'd have known, I'd have come.
[00:28:07]  Message me if you hear this.
[00:28:08]  I'll get you in.
[00:28:09]  We'll figure it out.
[00:28:10]  Don't worry about it.
[00:28:11]  Also, March 27th, I'm going to be in the Den Theater in Chicago.
[00:28:15]  Let's come through.
[00:28:16]  Let's sell that bitch out.
[00:28:17]  And May 7th, Vancouver.
[00:28:19]  I'm coming.
[00:28:19]  Every Punjabi and Suri better be in that bitch.
[00:28:22]  Let's go.
[00:28:22]  Selling it out.
[00:28:23]  Theaters.
[00:28:23]  Let's sell this theater out, yo.
[00:28:26]  Guys, very important.
[00:28:28]  If you're selling anything online, okay, you have an online store, you're getting rid of sneakers, you're getting rid of clothing.
[00:28:35]  You're doing anything with regularity while you're selling online.
[00:28:37]  And a lot of people are using eBay, using Craigslist, you're using all these other apps, whatever.
[00:28:43]  If you need to organize your shipping, you have to use shipstation.com.
[00:28:47]  It's very simple.
[00:28:49]  Okay.
[00:28:49]  It's the fastest, easiest, and most affordable way to manage, ship your orders.
[00:28:53]  Just a few clicks, and you'll be managing your orders, printing out labels, and getting your product out fast to keep your customers happy.
[00:29:00]  ShipStation makes it easy.
[00:29:02]  Okay.
[00:29:02]  Turn this side hustle into a business.
[00:29:05]  Okay.
[00:29:05]  You have to manage the content you have.
[00:29:08]  I don't care if that content is a pair of clothing.
[00:29:11]  I don't care if it's sunglasses you make, socks you make, whatever you are selling.
[00:29:15]  Manage it efficiently.
[00:29:17]  Know where it's going.
[00:29:18]  Know when it gets there.
[00:29:19]  And you can do all this with ShipStation.
[00:29:22]  Simple as that.
[00:29:23]  Helps you get orders out quickly.
[00:29:24]  You save money on shipping costs and keep your customers happy.
[00:29:28]  No matter what you're selling, doesn't matter, Amazon, Etsy, your own website, ShipStation brings all your orders into one simple interface, making them truly easy to manage from any device, even your cell phone.
[00:29:41]  ShipStation works with all the major carriers, USPS, FedEx, UPS, even Amazon Fulfillment.
[00:29:48]  So you can compare and choose the best shipping solution for you and your customer.
[00:29:53]  They even offer big discounts on shipping costs.
[00:29:55]  Now, any business can access the same postage discounts that are usually reserved for large Fortune 500 companies.
[00:30:02]  Take that in.
[00:30:03]  These Fortune 500 companies that are sending out tons of merchandise, they get discounted rates on postage.
[00:30:10]  With ShipStation, you get that.
[00:30:12]  You're always going to know that you're going to get the best deal.
[00:30:16]  ShipStation is the number one choice for online sellers.
[00:30:18]  You'll ship more in less time with the best rates available.

=== Gender Identity Debate (12:28) ===

[00:30:22]  Need I say more?
[00:30:23]  Simply, if this applies to you, use it, save some money.
[00:30:27]  That's all we're trying to do is help you save a little bit of money.
[00:30:31]  And right now, you can try ShipStation for free.
[00:30:37]  That's right.
[00:30:37]  That saves you even more money when you get to try something for free for 60 days when you use the offer code Flagrant.
[00:30:44]  Okay.
[00:30:44]  Think about that.
[00:30:45]  ShipStation.com.
[00:30:47]  Use the offer code Flagrant.
[00:30:50]  You will try it for free for 60 days.
[00:30:53]  If it works, you keep using it.
[00:30:55]  If it doesn't, it doesn't.
[00:30:56]  They're so confident it's going to work that you're going to save money that they're willing to give it to you for two months.
[00:31:01]  Simple as that.
[00:31:02]  If this can help or affect your life in any way, go get those 60 days for free and tell us how much you enjoyed it.
[00:31:08]  Let's get back to the show.
[00:31:10]  Go, go, go, go ahead.
[00:31:12]  Here's your poor about the Germans.
[00:31:14]  This is what's funny to me about.
[00:31:16]  Go.
[00:31:16]  German.
[00:31:17]  The Germans.
[00:31:22]  What do you call it?
[00:31:25]  He goes, what do you call me?
[00:31:25]  What do you call me?
[00:31:26]  Couldn't hear?
[00:31:26]  I can't hear it.
[00:31:27]  What?
[00:31:28]  What is that?
[00:31:29]  What did you say, Shetty?
[00:31:30]  Go.
[00:31:31]  I'm sorry.
[00:31:31]  I can't hear.
[00:31:32]  Go, go.
[00:31:33]  The Germans.
[00:31:34]  Germans like.
[00:31:35]  How many times has he said German?
[00:31:36]  Because I'm trying to count how many Germans.
[00:31:39]  I'm in a German count.
[00:31:39]  I was German.
[00:31:41]  Sting on the video.
[00:31:42]  Ding.
[00:31:43]  Germans, like, there was a big Nazi rally here.
[00:31:46]  Yeah.
[00:31:46]  Madison Square Garden.
[00:31:47]  What was it like?
[00:31:48]  Whatever Madison Square Garden holds, 18,000?
[00:31:51]  18,000?
[00:31:51]  20,000?
[00:31:52]  They sold out the garden.
[00:31:54]  They sold out the garden.
[00:31:55]  Sold out the fucking garden.
[00:31:56]  And then I don't understand.
[00:31:58]  When is this?
[00:31:58]  This was to get tickets for this?
[00:31:59]  No, 30s.
[00:32:00]  This is in the 30s.
[00:32:01]  Oh, 1930s was like.
[00:32:02]  So the question still stands for the money.
[00:32:03]  And they were fucking tesla.
[00:32:08]  You guys, look, I'm only, what am I, nine years older than you guys?
[00:32:12]  When you guys are my age, you're going to look like shit.
[00:32:15]  You're going to look like shit.
[00:32:16]  Shit.
[00:32:16]  I didn't say all of you.
[00:32:17]  You look fucking good.
[00:32:18]  You're going to look good because you're not.
[00:32:18]  You're looking fancy.
[00:32:19]  You got a little tesla, baby.
[00:32:20]  35?
[00:32:21]  Yeah, the northern Europeans, you guys.
[00:32:22]  It's Indian 35.
[00:32:24]  Oh, yeah, you're Scottish.
[00:32:25]  You're fucking done.
[00:32:26]  But I say sun.
[00:32:27]  Yeah.
[00:32:27]  Yeah, it's true.
[00:32:28]  It's true.
[00:32:29]  And you're a skinny kid.
[00:32:30]  Yeah, but Northern Europeans, I mean, your veins start to get a lot of fun.
[00:32:33]  You can actually get away with using sun because we would be like, maybe.
[00:32:35]  You know what I mean?
[00:32:36]  Yeah.
[00:32:37]  I mean, for fucking 44, I'm a cute fucking kid.
[00:32:41]  You really are.
[00:32:42]  I'm aging like a black guy.
[00:32:43]  And you got a Tesla now.
[00:32:44]  And I'm about to get it.
[00:32:45]  You got that test?
[00:32:46]  No, I haven't got it yet.
[00:32:47]  So here's my point that's funny about Germans.
[00:32:49]  They didn't like tickets.
[00:32:53]  Bro, I'm going to let it go.
[00:32:55]  I want it, dude.
[00:32:56]  I want it.
[00:32:56]  I'm fighting for this one.
[00:32:58]  I fucking tell, dude.
[00:32:59]  Let's go.
[00:33:00]  They didn't like learning it.
[00:33:01]  And he's been trying to get the test since before the podcast.
[00:33:03]  They didn't.
[00:33:03]  They didn't learn it.
[00:33:04]  Wait, wait.
[00:33:05]  Okay.
[00:33:05]  Just start over.
[00:33:06]  Yeah, go.
[00:33:06]  So, Germans were like Nazis.
[00:33:08]  Like, they all supported.
[00:33:10]  It's not water.
[00:33:12]  Hold on.
[00:33:12]  We all get killed.
[00:33:13]  That's my point.
[00:33:14]  That's my point.
[00:33:15]  That's what you were waiting for.
[00:33:18]  That's what you were waiting 30 minutes to say that Jesus is not warm.
[00:33:22]  What else?
[00:33:23]  It's a fucking secret Nazi because they never learned anything in Sydney.
[00:33:26]  Cyclicks are all molesters.
[00:33:27]  You know when like you know like when Louis C.K. got caught Greeks all gay?
[00:33:32]  Huh?
[00:33:33]  Absolutely, man.
[00:33:34]  Every single one?
[00:33:34]  10, 15, 20%.
[00:33:36]  100%.
[00:33:37]  Wait, why'd you not get down to 10?
[00:33:38]  Because it's like, we got to reproduce.
[00:33:40]  So nature kept us 75%.
[00:33:42]  But anything that's evolved and smart is a little gay.
[00:33:44]  Let's be honest.
[00:33:45]  Nobody goes to a fucking neighborhood because they're like, all the jocks are moving there.
[00:33:48]  It's like the lesbians are there.
[00:33:49]  Buy a fucking house.
[00:33:50]  That's actually a good point.
[00:33:51]  I bet you gay men or gay people have higher IQs than straight across the board.
[00:33:55]  That's actually.
[00:33:56]  Because I think it's a more evolved thing.
[00:33:58]  I think when you start to get evolved, like Giannis was saying, you start to think about it.
[00:34:01]  Start walking around and have sex with everything.
[00:34:03]  Yeah, isn't it devolving?
[00:34:04]  No.
[00:34:05]  No, I think it's evolving.
[00:34:06]  I think it's evolving because there's more holes.
[00:34:07]  What's the point of life?
[00:34:08]  Well, the point of life is to have a fucking cute time and to make sure everything matches.
[00:34:12]  That's so Epicurean of you.
[00:34:14]  I think I'll tell you this.
[00:34:18]  I'll tell you this.
[00:34:18]  I've procreated, right?
[00:34:19]  I have a beautiful daughter.
[00:34:20]  Yeah.
[00:34:21]  And I've said this before.
[00:34:22]  Now you've stopped living.
[00:34:23]  Now I've stopped living, but I think the first 50 years of my life, I'm straight.
[00:34:25]  I'd like to go the last 50 gay.
[00:34:27]  Why the hell not?
[00:34:27]  Just give a shot.
[00:34:28]  Would you really go gay?
[00:34:29]  Would you really go gay?
[00:34:30]  Reality is a suggestion.
[00:34:31]  I don't know.
[00:34:32]  Have you ever hooked up with a tranny?
[00:34:33]  I've never hooked up with a tranny.
[00:34:34]  My boy Patty Fly Balls did.
[00:34:37]  Patty's just calling out Patty.
[00:34:39]  Patty, I know.
[00:34:40]  He's a fireman.
[00:34:41]  Yeah, you're Patty, you know.
[00:34:42]  Shut up, fuck your mouth.
[00:34:43]  Patty McGee.
[00:34:44]  No, it's some other kid.
[00:34:46]  Those are brothers.
[00:34:47]  Yeah.
[00:34:47]  Hold on.
[00:34:48]  So never, never once, no tranny.
[00:34:50]  I've never hooked up with a training.
[00:34:51]  I'll tell you this.
[00:34:51]  I've said before that I, you know, romantically, I'm physically attracted to women, but emotionally attracted to guys.
[00:34:57]  Like we can have a good conversation.
[00:34:58]  I want to fuck a girl for sure.
[00:35:00]  I've never done anything physically gay.
[00:35:03]  So I don't know that I could ever receive a dick or give a dick in an ass in a guy's ass.
[00:35:08]  Mouth.
[00:35:09]  Mouth or mouth, but I could certainly, I think, find myself in a relationship with a guy where P?
[00:35:15]  That's holding hands or we're doing, you know, like I would let a guy nibble on my earlobe, no problem.
[00:35:20]  But I think once it starts to get to sex, it needs to be a vagina.
[00:35:24]  And it needs to be, I've been born a vagina.
[00:35:26]  That's not gay, man.
[00:35:26]  I got to be honest with you.
[00:35:27]  That's really.
[00:35:28]  Yeah, you're describing straight.
[00:35:29]  You're just describing dudes hanging out with a little bit of weird stuff.
[00:35:32]  You're describing friendship.
[00:35:33]  The thing is.
[00:35:34]  You're describing being African.
[00:35:37]  Just walk around holding hands with your boys and then go fuck up with Jesus.
[00:35:40]  Don't you guys hold pinkies and means to hold hands.
[00:35:42]  Well, the thing is, in Ridgewood, where I grew up, that a lot any, it was so, I'm always asking Giannis, is this gay?
[00:35:47]  Is that gay?
[00:35:48]  Because, like, literally, if you did anything that was like, if I would, if I would, like, let you wear it, borrow like my basketball shorts, that's gay.
[00:35:54]  Like, yo, it's fucking gay.
[00:35:55]  My dick was on it.
[00:35:56]  What are you gay?
[00:35:56]  Or if I was like, yo, I gotta, I gotta be flush to like from sucking cock.
[00:36:00]  And it's like, whoa, good rates is gay.
[00:36:02]  So that's why when I found Giannis, I was like, yo, dude, you can talk about history and you can talk about your feelings.
[00:36:06]  It's not gay.
[00:36:07]  But I came from a neighborhood where it's like, yo, if you're not.
[00:36:09]  He went and tried to kiss me.
[00:36:10]  And I was like, whoa, whoa, no, you pushed my head down.
[00:36:12]  Because he thought he was gay.
[00:36:13]  He was like, he found, I said, it's okay to like art and like history.
[00:36:17]  And then he just assumed he was gay and he tried to kiss me.
[00:36:20]  And I was like, no, man, it's just too much.
[00:36:21]  You're smart.
[00:36:22]  Yeah.
[00:36:22]  Yeah.
[00:36:22]  Because he comes from a neighborhood where, like, if it was smart, then that means it's gay.
[00:36:26]  But even in Greek culture, right?
[00:36:27]  Where there's a lot of promiscuity amongst men.
[00:36:29]  My sexual taste is like a Turkish sultan.
[00:36:32]  Okay.
[00:36:32]  Like, I like all levels of woman.
[00:36:34]  Okay.
[00:36:35]  So it's like, I'll take a full woman and then anything that looks like it's getting banged out.
[00:36:38]  Oh, you, you, if you can pull it off, I'm fooled.
[00:36:41]  Credit to you.
[00:36:42]  Salute.
[00:36:43]  So you'd, you'd have you hooked up with a tranny?
[00:36:45]  No, but I absolutely fucking would.
[00:36:46]  But you watch Tranny Porn.
[00:36:48]  Hold on.
[00:36:49]  One second.
[00:36:50]  I don't believe it.
[00:36:51]  I absolutely would.
[00:36:53]  You hook up with a tranny.
[00:36:54]  Yeah, I don't care.
[00:36:55]  What do I care?
[00:36:56]  Yeah, I don't know if I do anal.
[00:36:57]  I don't like anal.
[00:36:58]  Women would be awesome.
[00:36:59]  If you were single, you are happily married.
[00:37:00]  Yeah, I'm happily married.
[00:37:01]  You're happily married.
[00:37:01]  But you're saying.
[00:37:01]  You're a single woman for now.
[00:37:03]  For now.
[00:37:03]  You would hook up with a tranny.
[00:37:05]  100%.
[00:37:08]  I'm sorry.
[00:37:11]  Hold on.
[00:37:12]  Hold on.
[00:37:12]  100%.
[00:37:13]  I'm trying to understand it.
[00:37:14]  Yeah.
[00:37:14]  So, so dick's still attached, just wearing makeup?
[00:37:18]  I prefer the dick.
[00:37:20]  Here's why, Andrew.
[00:37:21]  No, Andrew, I'm pretty sure.
[00:37:23]  Is this because Maurice is coming back?
[00:37:24]  What is this?
[00:37:24]  No, but she's not.
[00:37:26]  What is this about?
[00:37:27]  Okay, so we watched a documentary.
[00:37:29]  We watched a documentary on this.
[00:37:31]  That's how you get away with doing Marisa.
[00:37:33]  You're like, I'm about it.
[00:37:34]  No, you don't do it.
[00:37:35]  No, I'm attracted.
[00:37:37]  If I see someone and I'm attracted to them, right?
[00:37:39]  Like, you're attractive.
[00:37:41]  Yeah.
[00:37:41]  Do you eat fruit when it's on the bowl?
[00:37:43]  No, but I'll eat a Beyond Burger.
[00:37:45]  But will you?
[00:37:45]  You love a Beyond Burger.
[00:37:46]  Like a plastic piece of pear will be like that.
[00:37:48]  But I don't know what pearl I'm going to bite in.
[00:37:50]  You think it's more Beyond?
[00:37:51]  You're going to have a little bit of a banana and shove it in your bag.
[00:37:52]  You got to wipe them plastic.
[00:37:53]  Dude, you got to wipe out.
[00:37:54]  They're real people.
[00:37:55]  You're calling them not real.
[00:37:56]  To me, they're real people.
[00:37:57]  No, they're real people.
[00:37:58]  Some of them are sexy.
[00:38:01]  Some of them are sexy as the fuck do you like?
[00:38:03]  Who's your favorite?
[00:38:04]  I don't know any fucking name, but I mean, like, have you ever seen a Bailey J?
[00:38:07]  Bailey J is kind of hot.
[00:38:09]  Yeah, pretty.
[00:38:09]  She's kind of hot.
[00:38:10]  I mean, she's hot.
[00:38:11]  Would you take it down?
[00:38:12]  She's taking estrogen.
[00:38:13]  Would you throw it?
[00:38:13]  She's at tits.
[00:38:14]  Would you throw it?
[00:38:15]  I don't know if I'd throw it.
[00:38:16]  That gets a little weird.
[00:38:17]  But you're asking me hypotheticals.
[00:38:18]  If I'm in the moment and I'm horned up and like she looks like a woman, I mean, you know, what's the difference?
[00:38:23]  How can you look like a woman with a huge set of cockham bowls?
[00:38:26]  That part looks like a man.
[00:38:27]  But I'm not going to argue that part.
[00:38:28]  But you said you prefer that.
[00:38:30]  Huh?
[00:38:30]  No.
[00:38:30]  I'm saying if I'm hooking up with a tranny, I would prefer that over a kind of if I knew it was kind of a created over a perfect pussy.
[00:38:37]  Right.
[00:38:37]  No, Ove, literally.
[00:38:39]  It's her favorite.
[00:38:39]  That one's kind of like not a real pussy.
[00:38:42]  So this is Bailey Jay, who's born a man and a man.
[00:38:44]  I gotta be honest.
[00:38:46]  And then what's the man?
[00:38:47]  You guys are just fucking lying.
[00:38:48]  You're just like, you can't tell.
[00:38:50]  What's the woman?
[00:38:50]  What's his person who was born a woman and then became a man?
[00:38:53]  Remember?
[00:38:54]  He's like the jacked guy, but it was born a woman, Buck something.
[00:38:57]  So let me ask you a question.
[00:38:58]  If you had the choice, the guy who benched it.
[00:39:00]  If you had the choice, there's a ton.
[00:39:02]  Navy SEAL thing.
[00:39:03]  That's a trans the other way.
[00:39:05]  I don't think you had the choice to hook up with a male to female trans or a female to male trans, like Buck Angel.
[00:39:13]  His name's Buck Angel.
[00:39:14]  Yeah, we just put him on the Buck Angel.
[00:39:16]  Which one would you hook up with?
[00:39:17]  If you had this as a woman, you understand.
[00:39:18]  You don't have to.
[00:39:19]  Low-key.
[00:39:20]  No, no, no, no, but this is part of the conversation.
[00:39:22]  This is white boy fun.
[00:39:23]  Let us indulge.
[00:39:24]  Yeah.
[00:39:24]  This is a great one.
[00:39:25]  Oh, this is one of my favorite hypotheticals ever.
[00:39:28]  I've never played this one.
[00:39:30]  Right.
[00:39:30]  You're saying, would you have to hook up with male transnation?
[00:39:33]  You can't say you can because that kills it.
[00:39:34]  Or female to male.
[00:39:35]  Because I'm picking a woman too.
[00:39:37]  The guy's penis, huh?
[00:39:38]  The female.
[00:39:39]  No, everything is flopped.
[00:39:41]  Everything is flopped.
[00:39:42]  The woman has a penis.
[00:39:44]  The man, what looks like a man, has a vagina.
[00:39:46]  Sean Buck Angel.
[00:39:47]  Are you attracted to this?
[00:39:49]  This man was born.
[00:39:50]  This is not Aaron Berger.
[00:39:51]  It's a woman.
[00:39:52]  It looks like Aaron Burke.
[00:39:52]  It's not Wernerberg.
[00:39:53]  It's Aaron Burger.
[00:39:54]  It's fucking Heisenberg.
[00:39:55]  Now that was a woman.
[00:39:57]  You can't say neither because that's get out of it that way.
[00:40:01]  So here's the thing.
[00:40:02]  So who are you banging?
[00:40:03]  Her?
[00:40:03]  This is what's tricky.
[00:40:04]  Does he have a vagina?
[00:40:05]  He has a vagina.
[00:40:06]  Post-you know, the other girl's got the cock.
[00:40:08]  No, he was born with a vagina.
[00:40:10]  I'm a bad one.
[00:40:10]  Also, vagina.
[00:40:11]  So we're keeping parts.
[00:40:12]  Let me just set the parameters.
[00:40:14]  We're keeping original parts.
[00:40:15]  Everything else has changed.
[00:40:16]  Yeah.
[00:40:17]  So, holy shit.
[00:40:18]  So here's Bailey J. We're just people from a time that's going away.
[00:40:21]  Pretty soon.
[00:40:22]  So this is a checkpoint.
[00:40:23]  She's going to be 13 has a full cock.
[00:40:25]  Now, here's the thing.
[00:40:27]  She'll get cracked.
[00:40:28]  This is the thing.
[00:40:30]  There are certain things that I don't like if a girl or a guy has it.
[00:40:35]  Yeah.
[00:40:36]  A penis is one of them.
[00:40:37]  Penis is one of them.
[00:40:38]  But also, hair.
[00:40:40]  See, my rules are just not as strict as yours.
[00:40:42]  Feet.
[00:40:42]  So hair is a big no.
[00:40:45]  If there's a chick, there's a chick who was working at the comedy club.
[00:40:47]  Did you notice at Helium Portland?
[00:40:49]  One of the girls who was taking, or the dudes who was taking pictures after the show, tranny.
[00:40:53]  But had facial ant and everything.
[00:40:55]  Kind of portly, egg looking like.
[00:40:57]  Those are invisible to me.
[00:40:58]  Anyway, doesn't matter.
[00:40:59]  Alex, did you fuck her?
[00:41:00]  Be honest with us.
[00:41:01]  You're like, I don't know who you're talking about.
[00:41:02]  I don't know who you're talking about.
[00:41:03]  Let me see your phone.
[00:41:05]  That is a really interesting one because I bet most people would rather Bailey J than Buck.
[00:41:10]  What is the guy?
[00:41:10]  I know they would.
[00:41:11]  Everyone's lying.
[00:41:12]  Well, we talked about this during the podcast.
[00:41:13]  I said I'd rather fucking just lying.
[00:41:16]  Why?
[00:41:16]  Because for me, he looks like a guy.
[00:41:20]  I'm supportive of it all.
[00:41:21]  And for me, that's what you want.
[00:41:22]  Yeah, for me, it's actually perfect.
[00:41:23]  It looks like a guy, but it has a pussy.
[00:41:25]  It's like, yeah, sorry.
[00:41:26]  This is the dream.
[00:41:29]  Some people may prefer that because they want, but either way, who cares?
[00:41:32]  Yeah.
[00:41:33]  I don't care.
[00:41:33]  Well, we watched the whole neuroscience documentary where we saw, if even us, we don't even realize we do this.
[00:41:39]  It's subconscious at times.
[00:41:40]  Men, straight, heterosexual, straight men will click through porn where the girl is hot, so porn woman, and the man's penis is flaccid.
[00:41:50]  They'll click through that.
[00:41:51]  What you want to see sexually, your brain is sexually roused by hard cock and big tits.
[00:41:56]  So that's why a transgendered woman is excitable to straight men and why they can jerk off to because they have the big cock and they have the big tits.
[00:42:04]  And those are the things.
[00:42:05]  So in other words, a hard dick excites a heterosexual man more than a wet pussy in porn.
[00:42:10]  Gay guys do not like trans women.
[00:42:12]  Right, no, no transfer for men.
[00:42:14]  And also, here's the other thing that they know is that trans porn is one of the most searched porns.
[00:42:19]  Try straight people.
[00:42:20]  So people are just lying.
[00:42:21]  We did this on this podcast.
[00:42:22]  It's like lies.
[00:42:23]  And Instagram actually took down a clip.
[00:42:25]  But I was making the argument that tranny porn is straighter because it's just more tits.
[00:42:30]  It's the same amount of dick and pussy, but two more tits.
[00:42:33]  Theoretically, you can't argue with the math.
[00:42:35]  You want to make that.
[00:42:35]  Oh, yeah, it's more sensitive.
[00:42:37]  But the hard dick is about you imagining yourself as the person in the porn.
[00:42:41]  Yeah.
[00:42:41]  And you don't want to imagine yourself soft.
[00:42:43]  What the neuroscientist was saying scrambles a bunch of symbols.
[00:42:46]  Neuroscience are gay, dude.
[00:42:48]  I mean, neuroscience is gay, dog.
[00:42:50]  We're gay, dude.

=== Transgender Excitement Claims (04:26) ===

[00:42:51]  Why would you be that?
[00:42:52]  It's been a long time.
[00:42:53]  What are they saying in the hood about it?
[00:42:54]  Say again?
[00:42:55]  What are they saying in the hood about it?
[00:42:56]  That's how you're saying that.
[00:42:58]  Get that gay shit away from me.
[00:43:01]  That neuroscience is gay shit.
[00:43:03]  But they're saying it's scrambling a bunch of symptoms.
[00:43:05]  Can we go back to Germany, dog?
[00:43:07]  Yeah, sure.
[00:43:08]  Have we still not had the Germany thing?
[00:43:09]  Here's the German point that we didn't learn anything.
[00:43:11]  India.
[00:43:12]  India, a very homophobic place, right?
[00:43:13]  Yeah.
[00:43:14]  A little bit.
[00:43:15]  A lot of homosexuality happened.
[00:43:16]  I'm sure.
[00:43:17]  Yeah.
[00:43:17]  In the Muslim world, it's the same thing.
[00:43:18]  Like, it's very homo.
[00:43:20]  You talk to anyone who's been there.
[00:43:22]  It's like it's a very taboo thing.
[00:43:24]  Whatever's taboo is going to make people want to do.
[00:43:26]  Why something to make it?
[00:43:27]  Yeah.
[00:43:28]  You got to admit, at least when it comes to that, when it comes to the homophobia and stuff like that, that's a white people problem in the sense of we're the only ones that get in trouble for it because rap songs are people in India.
[00:43:39]  I mean, they fucking go wild and they call everyone homos and this and that.
[00:43:42]  And everyone's like, we love you.
[00:43:44]  Eminem, you're yay.
[00:43:45]  That's because this is actually, we live in actually one of the most progressive places on the planet.
[00:43:50]  That's because liberals are afraid of black people.
[00:43:53]  It goes back to Portland.
[00:43:54]  I can't criticize a black person ever, ever, ever.
[00:43:56]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:43:57]  Unless they know everybody's behind him, including other black people.
[00:44:00]  That is true, but also white people operate in extremes.
[00:44:05]  So we're probably the most terrifying and hateful, but also by far the most progressive.
[00:44:12]  Right.
[00:44:13]  There's no other group of people who cares about it.
[00:44:14]  Let's just say what it is.
[00:44:15]  No, there's the best.
[00:44:17]  We've got the best and the worst.
[00:44:18]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:44:20]  It's the best and worst.
[00:44:20]  It's like, I'm kidding.
[00:44:22]  No, no, you're not.
[00:44:23]  You're not a child.
[00:44:25]  My daughter's got Puerto Rican.
[00:44:26]  I don't like this.
[00:44:27]  They don't have that button here.
[00:44:28]  They don't have it here.
[00:44:29]  I got to have Puerto Rican.
[00:44:30]  Diversity on that.
[00:44:32]  Diversity.
[00:44:33]  Think about it.
[00:44:33]  Like, think about it.
[00:44:34]  Like, there is this thing about environmentalism and all this.
[00:44:37]  I mean, Native Americans care about that shit, but that's baked in.
[00:44:39]  They got to care about it.
[00:44:40]  Do you really think they give a fuck about environmental shit like modern Native Americans?
[00:44:43]  I don't know.
[00:44:44]  Modern day, modern day.
[00:44:45]  Maybe back in the day because they were like living off of whatever, but it doesn't matter.
[00:44:48]  You were connected to it.
[00:44:49]  Native Americans were also like, they were disgusting.
[00:44:51]  They did fucking horrendous shit to their people, too.
[00:44:53]  Especially tribalism.
[00:44:55]  Well, some of them didn't, some of them did.
[00:44:56]  I mean, they used to fucking scalp their own too and the Comanches were fucking wild.
[00:45:01]  But it's like, oh, the white man gave you smallpox.
[00:45:03]  Yeah, we did, guys.
[00:45:04]  I really?
[00:45:04]  But you all used to cut out your fucking, your rival tribe's organs and eat them for dinner with your boss.
[00:45:09]  The only reason you know history is so you can say, listen, guys.
[00:45:15]  This is my favorite artist.
[00:45:17]  That goes back to my German point.
[00:45:19]  You never let me get it.
[00:45:19]  We're going to get to the Germans.
[00:45:22]  I was excited about the Germans.
[00:45:23]  We got it.
[00:45:23]  On Patreon.
[00:45:24]  I got to get to Texas.
[00:45:26]  That's how we did it.
[00:45:27]  Listen, my daughter's Puerto Rican and I voted for Obama twice.
[00:45:30]  Yeah.
[00:45:30]  Say whatever I want.
[00:45:31]  You know, damn well, you didn't vote for Obama.
[00:45:35]  I swear to God.
[00:45:36]  I swear to God.
[00:45:37]  I voted for the best.
[00:45:38]  I'm not a biggest lie on any podcast.
[00:45:40]  I swear on my daughter.
[00:45:41]  Okay.
[00:45:41]  Which I would never lie.
[00:45:42]  I voted for Obama twice and I voted for Hillary, but make no mistake, come November, Trump is getting my vote.
[00:45:47]  I will say that.
[00:45:48]  You voted for Hillary?
[00:45:49]  There's not a single thing in this fucking world that can change me from the fact that Trump is.
[00:45:54]  I wish I could vote right now.
[00:45:55]  Yeah.
[00:45:56]  But wait a second.
[00:45:57]  You want to put and vote for my friend who's going to die.
[00:45:59]  Just like, Bubby, he said, Trump.
[00:46:00]  Can we edit that out, the Hillary part?
[00:46:02]  That's going to hurt our numbers.
[00:46:03]  I did vote for Hillary.
[00:46:04]  I don't know.
[00:46:05]  Hillary's just.
[00:46:05]  I did vote for her.
[00:46:06]  Wow.
[00:46:07]  I wasn't enlightened yet.
[00:46:08]  But now it's like, now I get the liberal fucking, you know, I don't get what's going on.
[00:46:12]  I get the bullshit.
[00:46:13]  Now I'm like, okay.
[00:46:14]  I'm not going to sit here and judge people for who they vote.
[00:46:17]  I don't judge people for how they vote or their sexuality.
[00:46:19]  We're too judgmental now.
[00:46:21]  You think so?
[00:46:21]  It's a free country.
[00:46:22]  Everyone wants to feel about Catholics.
[00:46:24]  Huh?
[00:46:25]  Catholics are pedophiles.
[00:46:26]  Catholics are innocent victims of a system that is set up for pedophilia.
[00:46:30]  There's no question that if you were a queen of the dark lord, what would your castle look like?
[00:46:35]  The Greeks were literally the first pedophiles.
[00:46:38]  You know, Prentice goes into the culture and how to fucking know.
[00:46:45]  That is a great fucking point.
[00:46:46]  And you got me.
[00:46:47]  It's so funny.
[00:46:48]  It's so funny what Yanis, what Giannis and I talk because it's like, you know, we talk all the time, you know, while on the podcast and we talk all the time.
[00:46:54]  And he's always like the same things.
[00:46:55]  Like, the Greeks did this, the Greeks invented that, the Greeks did this.
[00:46:58]  And I'm always like, yeah, but nobody cares.
[00:47:01]  People don't care about the Greeks at all.
[00:47:03]  I know you created everything, but it's like, no, it's all about the Irish and the Italian.
[00:47:07]  What have you done for me in the Italian world?
[00:47:09]  I don't even know what have you done for me lately, so we are the alcohol of countries.
[00:47:13]  I just talk about the glory days all the time.
[00:47:15]  Dude, that was Celtic.
[00:47:16]  You, it's Parrot.

=== Cultural Food Critique (03:42) ===

[00:47:17]  What is it?
[00:47:18]  It's for the French the same way.
[00:47:19]  Yeah.
[00:47:19]  And Egyptians.
[00:47:20]  All three of you guys are living in the past.
[00:47:22]  You're museums, dude.
[00:47:23]  You're fucking museum cultures.
[00:47:25]  And it's really weird.
[00:47:26]  And Italy's about to be there.
[00:47:28]  It's an interesting thing.
[00:47:30]  Welcome to the club now.
[00:47:32]  Philly Pilot didn't get picked up.
[00:47:34]  So now we're trying to tease her.
[00:47:35]  Yavo.
[00:47:37]  It's funny, though, that he went with it because his last name is DeStefino because his dad is like 6% Italian.
[00:47:42]  Yeah.
[00:47:42]  But like when you look at him and then you find out he's German, you're going like, oh, yeah.
[00:47:47]  You got to start doing all the bits about your father, but switch the accent.
[00:47:51]  So don't tell anybody.
[00:47:53]  Just get up at the cellar and do it.
[00:47:54]  Yeah, so my dad is going to the fucking bread store, right?
[00:47:57]  He's closer to the field.
[00:47:59]  And he was just my son.
[00:48:00]  I said, just aquated.
[00:48:03]  Act like a hurt nitty-jew.
[00:48:05]  So it was 9-11.
[00:48:08]  And he goes to the school.
[00:48:10]  And so the principal says no.
[00:48:12]  And he says, guys, there has to be something we can work out.
[00:48:16]  There has to be something we can do.
[00:48:18]  No, he goes, you listen to the assault.
[00:48:20]  If the principal says it, you do it.
[00:48:22]  You don't question anything.
[00:48:24]  This is how our culture was.
[00:48:25]  And he didn't pick up a chair.
[00:48:27]  That was in the Italian version.
[00:48:28]  In this version, he pushed him into an oven.
[00:48:34]  But just watch the von of his own.
[00:48:38]  I mean, you are a German, German kid from Ridgewood.
[00:48:41]  All right, let's take a break for a second.
[00:48:42]  We got to pay some bills here.
[00:48:45]  We fixed cereal.
[00:48:47]  We fixed it.
[00:48:48]  We fixed cereal.
[00:48:49]  Now, when I say cereal, I'm talking about breakfast cereal.
[00:48:53]  You know, that thing that we ate in the morning that had so much sugar and carbohydrates that we would go to school, and then the school would say that we had ADD when we didn't really have ADD.
[00:49:01]  We just had so much sugar and carbohydrates that we were just literally methed out at school.
[00:49:07]  Do you remember that?
[00:49:07]  That's why we couldn't learn anything.
[00:49:09]  Okay.
[00:49:10]  They took all the bullshit out of cereal.
[00:49:12]  Magic Spoon.
[00:49:13]  It's a company.
[00:49:14]  You might have heard me talk about before.
[00:49:15]  They sent me the four cereals that they have.
[00:49:18]  They're fucking delicious.
[00:49:19]  They're healthy.
[00:49:20]  They're keto.
[00:49:21]  They're keto.
[00:49:22]  Okay.
[00:49:23]  There's no gluten in these things.
[00:49:24]  Let me get all the different things.
[00:49:26]  They have the cocoa flavor, the fruity flavor, the frosted flavor, the blueberry flavor.
[00:49:31]  All right.
[00:49:32]  Zero sugar, 12 grams of protein, only three net carbs in each serving.
[00:49:40]  Okay.
[00:49:40]  You know me.
[00:49:41]  I'm off the bread.
[00:49:42]  I eat this cereal.
[00:49:44]  Absolutely delicious.
[00:49:47]  Keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free.
[00:49:51]  So, men, you're not growing no titties out there.
[00:49:53]  Low-carb, GMO free magic spoon is where it's at.
[00:49:58]  Absolutely delicious.
[00:50:00]  I love the fruity one.
[00:50:01]  I love the frosted one.
[00:50:03]  And I love that cocoa.
[00:50:04]  That blueberry ain't bad either.
[00:50:06]  If you go to magic spoon, M-A-G-I-C-S-P-O-O-N dot com/slash flagrant, they're going to send you the variety pack with free shipping.
[00:50:16]  You go get that free shipping.
[00:50:17]  Go get this cereal.
[00:50:18]  If you got kids, make sure they're eating decent stuff.
[00:50:20]  Okay.
[00:50:21]  That's what's most important.
[00:50:22]  Make sure you know what your kids go into your kids' body.
[00:50:25]  If you enjoy a nice bowl of cereal, put some good stuff in your body.
[00:50:29]  That sounds fantastic.
[00:50:30]  It's absolutely delicious, bro.
[00:50:32]  Yo, my girl still loves like the sugary cereals.
[00:50:35]  And I started eating them.
[00:50:36]  I'm like, I'm 35.
[00:50:36]  I can't do this.
[00:50:37]  Bro, you can't have that much sugar, dog.
[00:50:39]  But it tastes so good.
[00:50:40]  It tastes so good.
[00:50:40]  So they found a way to get around that.
[00:50:42]  This is perfect.
[00:50:43]  MagicSpoon.com/slash flagrant.
[00:50:46]  Go get it.
[00:50:47]  Now let's get back to the show.
[00:50:48]  I didn't know Ridgewood was a German neighborhood until I met you.
[00:50:51]  This is remember when The Rock was like a bad guy and then he became like the hero?
[00:50:54]  Yeah.
[00:50:54]  That's what you're doing, man.
[00:50:55]  You even got the hair, dude.
[00:50:57]  This is amazing, man.
[00:50:58]  I like to just get out of hair dude.

=== Late Night Comedy Struggles (15:21) ===

[00:50:59]  Yeah.
[00:50:59]  Like I tweeted the other day that I fucking bombed on Jimmy Kimmel.
[00:51:02]  Oh, and yes, in baby.
[00:51:04]  And I just, people are like, why would you do that?
[00:51:07]  It's like, because what am I going to do?
[00:51:08]  Fucking fake?
[00:51:09]  Like that did.
[00:51:10]  So break down this story.
[00:51:11]  So for everybody who's listening, because again, what I've noticed a lot of times we do on podcasts, especially comedians, is we act like everybody listening is in our tiny little bubble of a fucking world.
[00:51:22]  Most people don't even know Jimmy Kimmel has stand-up on it.
[00:51:24]  Good call.
[00:51:25]  Okay, so breakdown.
[00:51:26]  You go out to LA, right?
[00:51:27]  I go to Los Angeles.
[00:51:28]  Do all the podcasts.
[00:51:29]  You're killing it.
[00:51:30]  Do all the podcasts.
[00:51:31]  I mean, I'm on a radio.
[00:51:31]  You're on a high.
[00:51:32]  I'm having good.
[00:51:33]  I mean, yeah, like I'm swinging.
[00:51:34]  I'm just ready.
[00:51:35]  Lefty honest here.
[00:51:36]  Yeah.
[00:51:37]  Just left him.
[00:51:37]  Left him behind.
[00:51:38]  Why'd you leave him behind?
[00:51:39]  I was just, I literally, I got in the Uber.
[00:51:40]  I was like, just take me to Rogan's studio now.
[00:51:43]  Just get me there.
[00:51:44]  You just got stopped by Israeli security on the way.
[00:51:46]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:51:47]  Did you?
[00:51:48]  It's American Security.
[00:51:50]  No.
[00:51:50]  No.
[00:51:50]  Oh, Tim Dylan said they were Israeli guys.
[00:51:52]  No, no, no, no.
[00:51:53]  All Navy SEALs.
[00:51:54]  Okay.
[00:51:54]  That's dumb.
[00:51:56]  Tim said they were guys, Israeli guys.
[00:51:59]  He just had food in his mouth.
[00:52:00]  We didn't understand him.
[00:52:01]  I want Dr. Gardner.
[00:52:03]  The shadow is out there.
[00:52:04]  Let me just park a ball over and fucking go.
[00:52:07]  He's like that fucking fat cookie mobster.
[00:52:11]  You mean the cookie monster?
[00:52:12]  The skinny cookie.
[00:52:15]  Get me to it.
[00:52:16]  Oh, body.
[00:52:16]  We're going to fucking work here today.
[00:52:18]  Yeah.
[00:52:18]  We're fucking, we're going to make them work.
[00:52:21]  Okay, so not good.
[00:52:23]  You're out there.
[00:52:24]  You go to Jimmy Kimmel to do the stand-up.
[00:52:27]  Now, most stand-up, most late-night shows, you do stand-up in front of the audience that the late night show is being recorded at.
[00:52:34]  Yes.
[00:52:35]  Not Kimmel.
[00:52:36]  Not Kimmel.
[00:52:36]  And you're at the end usually of the show, like any type of other late night to tonight show with Jimmy Fallon, whatever.
[00:52:42]  You're at the end of the show.
[00:52:44]  The audience is warm.
[00:52:45]  There's been a whole show.
[00:52:46]  And then, like, hey, we're going to have some stand-up.
[00:52:47]  It's been great.
[00:52:49]  This is in Las Vegas at Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club.
[00:52:52]  Right.
[00:52:52]  So they will pump the stand-up into the actual show when it airs.
[00:52:56]  But in the moment, you're at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club.
[00:52:59]  Now, it's 300 people, packed, sold-out show, of course.
[00:53:02]  They're free tickets to watch a taping, TV taping.
[00:53:05]  You do five minutes.
[00:53:06]  You have to do the five minutes that you already got approved.
[00:53:10]  Okay.
[00:53:10]  So you can't really deviate.
[00:53:12]  The first just to let everybody know: the late night five minutes is highly scrutinized.
[00:53:20]  Every single word.
[00:53:20]  Every single word.
[00:53:21]  And there are these bookers that will quote unquote help you with your set.
[00:53:24]  So people who've never done stand-up comedy before in their lives will be like, hey, maybe you should try this word.
[00:53:29]  Yeah.
[00:53:29]  Maybe you should.
[00:53:29]  Do they do a lot of that editing of your set?
[00:53:31]  All that.
[00:53:32]  Edited your set.
[00:53:33]  Yeah, you can't say this.
[00:53:34]  You can't say that.
[00:53:34]  Right.
[00:53:35]  It's a very unnatural environment.
[00:53:37]  That's why people don't enjoy it.
[00:53:39]  We don't enjoy it.
[00:53:40]  But usually I've done other late night sets.
[00:53:42]  It's in front of a hot audience.
[00:53:43]  They are told to laugh and they know what's happening.
[00:53:46]  This show is at a comedy club.
[00:53:48]  So it's already one strike against you.
[00:53:49]  It's at a big cavernous comedy club.
[00:53:51]  Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club.
[00:53:52]  It's a nice enough room, but it's cavernous and big, high ceilings.
[00:53:55]  Just not good for comedy sales.
[00:53:57]  Jimmy Kimmel, who's never done stand-up, I assume, has his own comedy club.
[00:54:01]  Maybe he had.
[00:54:01]  I don't know if he had.
[00:54:02]  I never knew him to be a stand-up.
[00:54:03]  I don't know.
[00:54:04]  I don't know, actually.
[00:54:05]  From the man show.
[00:54:06]  Jimmy was really funny before he did the late night shtick.
[00:54:09]  I gotta be one.
[00:54:09]  The man show?
[00:54:10]  Like, he was funny.
[00:54:11]  Adam Carolla is a stand-up.
[00:54:13]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:54:13]  You know, Adam Carolla does stand-up.
[00:54:15]  Kanye Kimmel does stand-up.
[00:54:16]  He's not like even a real Adam does it, but he's like more of like a radio guy.
[00:54:22]  That's his background background.
[00:54:23]  But he does stand up as well.
[00:54:24]  And you can tell he's doing bits.
[00:54:25]  Like I've heard him on radio interviews, and you can tell this guy's working on material.
[00:54:28]  He's got comic.
[00:54:30]  He operates in bits, even when you talk to him person to person.
[00:54:33]  I could definitely do it.
[00:54:33]  He's doing bits.
[00:54:34]  It's kind of odd, yeah.
[00:54:35]  So, so this one, they don't have a warm-up comic.
[00:54:38]  Yeah.
[00:54:38]  Or they had a warm-up comic who did like three minutes, right?
[00:54:41]  And a warm-up comic is usually like playing games with the audience.
[00:54:43]  Hey, we're going to have a TV tape.
[00:54:45]  Just to get the audience, exactly, warmed up.
[00:54:47]  Because at the beginning of a comedy.
[00:54:48]  His sister does it.
[00:54:50]  So what happened was the little warm-up comic guy went out, three minutes, whatever, bombed.
[00:54:54]  Then his sister, who I had no idea, does stand-up.
[00:54:58]  Jimmy Kimmel.
[00:54:58]  She's great, actually.
[00:54:59]  She's a sweet girl.
[00:55:00]  I did a show in Tempe with her.
[00:55:02]  Really?
[00:55:02]  Jill Kimmel.
[00:55:03]  She opened for me.
[00:55:04]  I didn't realize it was Jimmy Kimmel's sister.
[00:55:05]  I was like, oh, she's really nice.
[00:55:07]  And then I found out later it was Jimmy Kimmel's sister.
[00:55:08]  Yeah, she goes.
[00:55:09]  Shader dick.
[00:55:11]  Yep.
[00:55:11]  Just took a hot one.
[00:55:15]  And then brought me out to the you notice podcast, The Hyenas of History.
[00:55:21]  So So, as I'm going out, as I'm going out, I kind of just know that this is going to be a zero.
[00:55:28]  It was one of those, when you clap, when you go out on stage, you know, like they stopped clapping before I even got to the mic on a late night show.
[00:55:38]  Big problem.
[00:55:39]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:55:39]  So, I'm like, Yikes.
[00:55:40]  So, I come out and I had a thing in my head.
[00:55:43]  I was like, maybe I should just do crowd work and just then maybe I should warm them up and then do the set.
[00:55:47]  And I was like, they were specific about five minutes.
[00:55:49]  And I said, To be honest with you, the truth of the reason why I really didn't do it is I was taking a red eye flight to get the fuck out of Vegas in two hours.
[00:55:55]  So, I was like, I kind of don't want to miss my flight.
[00:55:57]  So, your travel plans are why you bombed.
[00:55:59]  Yeah, well, because I already knew that the views on Theo Vaughn's podcast and Fighter and the Kid were going to be twice, maybe three times as much as Jimmy Kimmel.
[00:56:07]  And I knew that I had done the work while I went out there.
[00:56:10]  I'm like, I did the work that benefits me.
[00:56:12]  This is like, I don't want to bomb and I don't want it to be bad, but I kind of don't care.
[00:56:16]  I mean, I care, but I don't care.
[00:56:18]  Also, for those of you who don't know, doing late night sets back in like the 80s changed your life and make your career.
[00:56:23]  Johnny Carson could change your life.
[00:56:25]  Now it's just inconvenience.
[00:56:27]  You're going, oh, fuck.
[00:56:29]  Here's the worst version of myself to an audience who doesn't really care about the video.
[00:56:34]  Here I am, dressed like I would never dress, telling jokes how I would never tell them.
[00:56:38]  Yeah.
[00:56:38]  And you've done a lot of late night sets.
[00:56:40]  And what was it realistically done for your like numbers of ticket sales?
[00:56:43]  Sero.
[00:56:43]  Zero, zero, zero.
[00:56:44]  So why did you do that?
[00:56:45]  Not a thing.
[00:56:46]  So you go up, you decide not to do a minute of crowd work to warm them up because you would miss your flight by a minute.
[00:56:50]  So I go out there.
[00:56:52]  I go out there.
[00:56:53]  That one minute, bro.
[00:56:54]  First joke bombs.
[00:56:55]  What's the first joke?
[00:56:56]  The first joke was, well, first of all, I was like, I kind of like played it down.
[00:57:01]  I was like, I was like, yeah, I was like, give it up for Jill.
[00:57:04]  I said that like ironic.
[00:57:06]  I was like, give it up for Jill.
[00:57:08]  And then it was just like, and then nobody clapped.
[00:57:10]  And then I was like, and then I was like, well, that's the best when you think like, now I'm about to turn it up.
[00:57:15]  And then I was like, I'm on Jimmy.
[00:57:17]  I was like, Jimmy Kimmel, cute, like that.
[00:57:19]  Zero.
[00:57:20]  And then I was like, so I was like, do you think more people need to get punched in the face?
[00:57:24]  Nobody said anything.
[00:57:26]  And I was like, okay.
[00:57:27]  And then I just, and then I did the bit and it got okay.
[00:57:30]  And then I did a bit about the next bit was about a cousin of mine having a peanut allergy and that really ate a dick.
[00:57:36]  And then three minutes later.
[00:57:37]  That's actually a great bit.
[00:57:38]  Thank you.
[00:57:38]  As much as I'm having fun with you bombing.
[00:57:41]  With you taking the bombing jokes instead of me?
[00:57:42]  Yeah.
[00:57:44]  Three minutes, three minutes into my late night TV set.
[00:57:47]  I said, you guys fucking suck.
[00:57:49]  I said that to this crowd.
[00:57:50]  Curse word?
[00:57:51]  You guys work?
[00:57:52]  I'm sure they'll edit it out.
[00:57:53]  But I was like, you guys fucking suck.
[00:57:56]  You think they're going to cut the curse.
[00:57:58]  So then that bombed.
[00:58:00]  So then that bombed.
[00:58:01]  And then I continued the set.
[00:58:03]  And then I just got off in the middle of kind of like half a fucking laugh at what I thought was going to be the big closer.
[00:58:11]  Well, I actually wound up doing my closer from my hour set that I'm going to do that wasn't approved by Kimmel just to be like, they're not going to, let me just try something.
[00:58:20]  And that bombed.
[00:58:21]  Right.
[00:58:22]  So I was just like, wow.
[00:58:24]  So then I get off stage and the producer is like, oh man, he was like, don't worry.
[00:58:29]  He was like, how was it?
[00:58:29]  I was like, that crowd fucking stinks.
[00:58:31]  And he was like, don't worry, we'll pump laughs into it.
[00:58:33]  I said, you better air that thing as the bomb that it is.
[00:58:36]  Love it.
[00:58:37]  I said, the last thing I ever want is you to pump laughs into that.
[00:58:40]  I said, it's got to be truthful.
[00:58:42]  I said, this is why this format fucking blows.
[00:58:45]  I was like, because yesterday I was able to tell the truth about myself for two hours and it was great.
[00:58:52]  And it was great in my own world.
[00:58:55]  And it was in my own world.
[00:58:57]  And now your truth isn't the truth.
[00:58:58]  So it is your truth.
[00:58:59]  It is my truth.
[00:59:01]  So it's like five, this five-minute bullshit that I just had to do.
[00:59:06]  I said, I regret even doing it.
[00:59:07]  And he goes, the first comic always seems to be.
[00:59:08]  Who makes up more stories, you or Theo?
[00:59:11]  It's a tough one.
[00:59:12]  Dude, I need to listen to that podcast just so you guys can go back and forth.
[00:59:15]  One time I was catching a monkey with a dude.
[00:59:20]  I just enjoy it.
[00:59:23]  I mean, you know, I mean, it's either that or, you know, or I fucking tell you the truth and then it's just sad.
[00:59:27]  That's what you're doing.
[00:59:29]  It's either I sell the tickets or I don't.
[00:59:31]  That's why we balance each other out so well is because I think I come too real.
[00:59:35]  Right.
[00:59:36]  Right.
[00:59:36]  And he bounces out with just fun.
[00:59:38]  It doesn't matter if it's real or not.
[00:59:40]  Right.
[00:59:40]  Because like I just, it's like mine.
[00:59:41]  Sometimes I'm too real and sometimes he's not real at all.
[00:59:44]  So it's like, it's a fun balance on our top.
[00:59:46]  It's a fun balance.
[00:59:47]  Yeah.
[00:59:47]  All right.
[00:59:47]  So about the German bomb.
[00:59:52]  By the way, I want to say real quick, if Jill hears this, I mean, you're great.
[00:59:55]  I just, it was just a situation where I was just like.
[00:59:57]  Well, everybody ate a dick, but you were saying Brad Williams.
[00:59:59]  Oh, yeah, he did it.
[01:00:01]  Because that's what he said.
[01:00:02]  He claims he didn't need it.
[01:00:04]  Chris said the funniest thing to me.
[01:00:06]  He goes, I call him from the Adidas store in Portland, which fucking blows do not go.
[01:00:11]  And I'm like, Chrissy, what's going on?
[01:00:14]  Is everything okay?
[01:00:15]  Like, because I was concerned.
[01:00:16]  I was a concern.
[01:00:17]  Sure.
[01:00:18]  And then you're like, yeah, you know, I did bad.
[01:00:20]  And Jill had a hard time.
[01:00:21]  Everybody sucked.
[01:00:22]  Brad Williams called me and said that he fucking killed.
[01:00:24]  And I was like, you know what, buddy?
[01:00:26]  I don't want to hear that you killed right now.
[01:00:28]  What I should have done is bowled you down into the audience.
[01:00:36]  Brad, I love you, man.
[01:00:37]  What are you saying, Brad?
[01:00:39]  Fucking Armadillo.
[01:00:41]  Just curled him up and tickled the door.
[01:00:43]  Yeah, I should have fucking went to the cream and got my slingshot and threw you off the back wall.
[01:00:48]  Jill, beat it.
[01:00:49]  I'll take it from there.
[01:00:50]  Brad, Swan Doc.
[01:00:52]  Yeah.
[01:00:52]  I mean, it was just, I mean, it was literally one of those things where I hope it goes so bad.
[01:00:56]  It's one of those things.
[01:00:57]  First of all, I tweeted it out and it's the most favorited retweeted tweet I've ever had.
[01:01:01]  Twitter let me know that.
[01:01:02]  So now it's like, I actually have a chance of people maybe watching this set.
[01:01:06]  I told you.
[01:01:06]  And then they'll watch your other best case scenario is that you bomb on one of those things.
[01:01:09]  Right.
[01:01:10]  The only thing, if I crush, nobody's going to care.
[01:01:12]  At least now they'll be like, oh, I'm going to watch it when this guy comes out.
[01:01:14]  Yeah.
[01:01:15]  I mean, it's just, it takes, yeah, it's just, I mean, that's the way to kill a late night set now.
[01:01:21]  Yeah, it seems funny.
[01:01:23]  Yeah.
[01:01:23]  And then they'll bomb.
[01:01:24]  Is he actually this bad?
[01:01:25]  Let me watch other clips of him.
[01:01:27]  And then you go see the clips and the clips are all hilarious.
[01:01:28]  Dude, that's the beauty right now of clips.
[01:01:31]  And I'm not trying to like tap into whatever the fuck, but when you have proof that you're funny out there, a late night thing doesn't matter as much.
[01:01:37]  Back in the day, you had one thing on the internet.
[01:01:39]  It doesn't matter anyway.
[01:01:40]  Even if you had a good one, who cares?
[01:01:42]  No, but back in the day, there was one thing to decide if you were good or not.
[01:01:44]  Right.
[01:01:45]  For an average person.
[01:01:47]  Now you have a million things, right?
[01:01:48]  So if you have this shitty set, it doesn't matter.
[01:01:50]  They go check out the 9-11 story.
[01:01:51]  They check out these different things.
[01:01:53]  Oh, this guy's a funny dude.
[01:01:54]  We have so much more control of like how we're perceived out there.
[01:01:57]  Do you remember when our friends would have a bad late night set, dude?
[01:02:00]  It's like you just fucking ended.
[01:02:02]  Dude, who was the guy who had like a Twitter that did Kimmel?
[01:02:05]  Oh, Rob Delaney.
[01:02:06]  Rob Delaney.
[01:02:07]  And he can't find that anywhere.
[01:02:08]  He got scrubbed on the internet.
[01:02:09]  He got scrubbed.
[01:02:10]  Why don't you leave it on?
[01:02:10]  He's in London.
[01:02:11]  He's in London doing something like that.
[01:02:12]  He does well in London now, though.
[01:02:13]  Yeah, I love that.
[01:02:14]  Well, they're boring as fuck.
[01:02:15]  They love that.
[01:02:15]  They love that you're not.
[01:02:16]  How did he get it expunged like that?
[01:02:18]  Say again?
[01:02:18]  How did he get it expunged from the internet?
[01:02:20]  Christopher, do you have any ideas?
[01:02:25]  Chris?
[01:02:26]  Yeah.
[01:02:27]  I don't know why it's a top and slip pause.
[01:02:28]  Chris gives me the ideal faza.
[01:02:32]  It's the final solution.
[01:02:35]  Yeah.
[01:02:35]  He got it drunk as it goes.
[01:02:38]  He told me there was some Jew on his set.
[01:02:42]  I don't know.
[01:02:43]  I don't know.
[01:02:44]  It's just a German joke.
[01:02:45]  I don't fucking know.
[01:02:48]  I don't know, but mine's going to be loud and proud.
[01:02:52]  It's going to be good.
[01:02:53]  I can't wait to see.
[01:02:53]  Now I'm more excited to see it.
[01:02:55]  We should have a watch party.
[01:02:56]  The only problem that I'm going to do.
[01:02:57]  I'm more excited to see it.
[01:02:58]  The only problem that I'm thinking about is maybe it didn't go that bad as I thought it did in my head, and it's going to be like, ugh, now it just looks like a mediocre set.
[01:03:07]  But in my, I felt mediocre is worse.
[01:03:09]  I felt the bomb.
[01:03:10]  If it's mediocre, it's not as good as a bomb.
[01:03:12]  I'm hoping for a bomb.
[01:03:13]  I'm hoping it's a bomb, too.
[01:03:14]  Yeah.
[01:03:15]  You need to have, if you have people, I don't know if you have people, you need to have them make sure they don't pump in, laugh, they don't do anything.
[01:03:21]  Told them to make sure not to.
[01:03:22]  Because if you see a comic not getting laughs, he bombed.
[01:03:24]  Yeah, And I hope that they leave.
[01:03:26]  I hope they just bleep out.
[01:03:27]  You guys fucking suck as opposed to editing out completely.
[01:03:30]  Yeah.
[01:03:30]  Yeah.
[01:03:30]  That's it's so funny that if they tried not to air it and you call them and say, Come on, give me this.
[01:03:33]  Give me the bomb.
[01:03:34]  Let me give you the truth.
[01:03:36]  Yo, everything is on its head right now.
[01:03:38]  We live in a reality that's kind of on its head.
[01:03:40]  Everything is wild right now.
[01:03:41]  Yeah.
[01:03:42]  Like a bomb on late night is a success.
[01:03:44]  And it really is.
[01:03:45]  Yeah.
[01:03:45]  Because it is so fabricated and they could make anything look good that you want to show them the truth because that era is over.
[01:03:53]  That era, it's so transparent that that era was contrived now because you have something to compare it to, which is this.
[01:03:59]  How do you shine through themselves?
[01:04:01]  It's all about shining through.
[01:04:02]  Yeah.
[01:04:02]  What are you doing that shines through?
[01:04:04]  Sometimes bombing is more authentic and authenticity.
[01:04:07]  Look at the person to do it.
[01:04:08]  Burr in Philadelphia.
[01:04:09]  That like it was a perfect thing.
[01:04:11]  I mean, like, even, you know, I use your 9-11 story as an example for a lot of time for comics about creating a funnel for yourself on the internet.
[01:04:20]  Yeah.
[01:04:20]  You know what I mean?
[01:04:21]  It's like you never had a funnel.
[01:04:22]  You had things, but nothing really drew people in.
[01:04:25]  No.
[01:04:25]  And then once you get a funnel, all of a sudden, there's one thing that pulls everybody into your life.
[01:04:33]  And now you have these other things that they can go digest.
[01:04:36]  And that's what I've always tried to create with myself on the internet.
[01:04:39]  It wasn't just like clips.
[01:04:40]  It was the reason why I told you not to put out the whole special.
[01:04:42]  You know, it was if you create the clips, they're just other opportunities for a funnel.
[01:04:47]  You know, Chris DeLia has a joke about these drunk girls that, and he tells me every year it goes viral again.
[01:04:52]  Yeah.
[01:04:52]  So new groups of girls find this joke, and then there's another funnel.
[01:04:55]  I remember him doing that joke.
[01:04:56]  I started in LA 2007.
[01:04:58]  I remember him doing that joke.
[01:04:59]  And it's crazy.
[01:05:00]  And it's like one of his first party stores.
[01:05:02]  It was like one of his first bits.
[01:05:03]  And I remember being like, that's very funny.
[01:05:04]  The act out is so strong, whatever.
[01:05:06]  But hearing that goes viral all the time now, 12 years later, continues to it.
[01:05:09]  So it's like, now you have the funnel.
[01:05:11]  And, you know, for me, maybe it was the women in food joke that I had.
[01:05:14]  You remember that bit back?
[01:05:15]  That was one.
[01:05:16]  And then like 441 or like the Crowdwork special.
[01:05:18]  But that was really the thing that opened what you're talking about.
[01:05:21]  The funnel.
[01:05:22]  Everybody wants a funnel, but what you need more than a funnel is other things for them to go to sign a girl.
[01:05:27]  You get them in.
[01:05:27]  Sure.
[01:05:28]  That's why the podcast is so important of putting out weekly content.
[01:05:30]  It's all about it.
[01:05:31]  It gives them a place to go to check out with you every week.
[01:05:33]  And you see it instantaneously.
[01:05:35]  It's like, I bet right after that story hit, you started selling some tickets.
[01:05:38]  Hell yeah.
[01:05:38]  Right?
[01:05:38]  And it was almost like you were selling tickets before too from pop for a while.
[01:05:41]  Of course, got to eat.
[01:05:42]  You sold out.
[01:05:42]  Yeah, but I wasn't selling it.
[01:05:44]  It is different.
[01:05:44]  But adding theater shows and all that, that's 9-11 shit.
[01:05:47]  And I'll tell you, the comedies, I did that story on my Comedy Central Hour special, and it kind of just came and went because I had to do it their way, you know, with the camera angles and ooh, can't say this.
[01:05:59]  We don't want to offend, you know, but then I did it drunk at the comedy seller on 9-11.
[01:06:04]  Yes.
[01:06:04]  In the fucking with their camera, and it went viral.
[01:06:07]  And because it was.
[01:06:08]  So wait a minute.
[01:06:09]  You owe your career to brown people?
[01:06:11]  Yes.
[01:06:12]  Thank you.
[01:06:12]  What bothers you more than owing your career?
[01:06:16]  To the Muslims you think I am.
[01:06:18]  Dude, I told you.
[01:06:19]  I told you.
[01:06:20]  Wait a second.

=== Kung Flu Jokes Discussed (04:53) ===

[01:06:21]  You're not Muslims?
[01:06:22]  Dude, I told you.
[01:06:23]  I've told you this fucking, bro.
[01:06:24]  My literally number one woman on me is chubby Indian women.
[01:06:28]  I fucking love chubby Indians.
[01:06:29]  That's right, you have to.
[01:06:30]  I told you.
[01:06:31]  I'm always with a chubby Indian girl.
[01:06:32]  I love Indian people.
[01:06:34]  I fucking love you guys.
[01:06:36]  We paid you back.
[01:06:37]  Absolutely.
[01:06:37]  I appreciate it.
[01:06:39]  Yeah, I love it.
[01:06:40]  Point is food I can't deal with.
[01:06:42]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:06:43]  I don't know.
[01:06:43]  I mean, every time an Indian restaurant opens in Bay Ridge, I'm like, what are we doing here?
[01:06:46]  Nobody wants this shit.
[01:06:47]  Just put up pizzeria or bagel straw.
[01:06:49]  I mean, what is this?
[01:06:50]  Vitroots?
[01:06:50]  Get the fuck out of here.
[01:06:51]  I'm actually scared to live in a world with no racism.
[01:06:53]  What's that going to be like?
[01:06:55]  What do you mean?
[01:06:55]  Well, it's like everything's.
[01:06:56]  You guys are doing German and Italian.
[01:06:58]  And I'm not even making a joke.
[01:06:59]  I really don't give a fuck about German and Italian, but to you guys, it's like a big deal.
[01:07:03]  As we become more, like, I guess, homogenized or whatever, we'll still find the German-Italian thing.
[01:07:08]  Indians do it.
[01:07:09]  Y'all don't give a fuck.
[01:07:10]  When you have no enemy, it's like when you have no enemy, you don't know what to do with it.
[01:07:14]  Look at the people who have no enemy.
[01:07:15]  They create an Antifa creates an enemy.
[01:07:18]  You're always going to create an enemy.
[01:07:19]  Good.
[01:07:19]  We'll find it.
[01:07:20]  We'll do it with eye color.
[01:07:21]  We'll always do this.
[01:07:22]  Fucking hairlines.
[01:07:23]  Look what girls do to each other.
[01:07:24]  Because racism is like hack now.
[01:07:26]  You hear it and you're just like, are we still doing that?
[01:07:28]  What, racism?
[01:07:28]  Yeah, it's kind of like fucking boring.
[01:07:30]  You haven't heard some good old racism with this coronavirus, dude?
[01:07:33]  That shit is popping again.
[01:07:35]  Racism is webing it, baby.
[01:07:37]  I want to bring this to the podcast.
[01:07:38]  What was trending on Twitter yesterday was people were calling it the Kung Flu.
[01:07:42]  I love it.
[01:07:44]  What's the funnier?
[01:07:45]  This is so tight.
[01:07:47]  What are the funniest corona nicknames you've heard?
[01:07:49]  Oh, the Kung Flu is fantastic.
[01:07:52]  Coronavirus.
[01:07:55]  Dude, there's look at us.
[01:07:56]  See?
[01:07:57]  I heard you're going away.
[01:07:58]  It's just everybody goes through their shit.
[01:07:59]  Someone's like, yeah, I can't go there because the Oriental lungs are.
[01:08:02]  Those are jokes, but I'm saying that.
[01:08:03]  What?
[01:08:03]  The Oriental lung.
[01:08:04]  The Oriental lung.
[01:08:05]  That's good.
[01:08:06]  Also, someone on the ticket called it Hong Kong Fluy.
[01:08:08]  And I thought that fluy good.
[01:08:10]  Fucking fantastic.
[01:08:11]  Good.
[01:08:12]  I'm talking about jokes and great.
[01:08:13]  I'm talking about like actual real racism.
[01:08:15]  Kind of like.
[01:08:16]  What do you mean?
[01:08:16]  It's like when someone like truly like killing people because I truly hate when they're trying to give you their mantra.
[01:08:22]  See how we're doing a bit and then you come in with no like you see how that was happening.
[01:08:26]  We're having a good race.
[01:08:28]  See how you just 9-11.
[01:08:33]  Yeah.
[01:08:33]  I'm always like, I'm gay.
[01:08:37]  I know.
[01:08:37]  People are always like, why do you always do the gay jokes?
[01:08:39]  I'm like, I'm just saving Giannis.
[01:08:42]  Second Giannis gets in this a long diagram.
[01:08:44]  I'll suck someone's dick.
[01:08:46]  I'm like, honey, bring it over.
[01:08:49]  My dick is eight inches.
[01:08:50]  Nine awards.
[01:08:51]  Just yelling.
[01:08:53]  I'm like, oh, yeah, our podcast is just a constant me saying something too serious and him just yelling, I'm gay.
[01:08:59]  Yeah.
[01:08:59]  Yeah.
[01:08:59]  You got it.
[01:09:00]  It's a good podcast, but we also talk about history.
[01:09:02]  Yeah, we talk about history as well.
[01:09:04]  I, yeah, I don't know, man.
[01:09:05]  It's a good point.
[01:09:06]  Fuck everybody.
[01:09:07]  Yeah.
[01:09:07]  Wait, wait, what was the point?
[01:09:08]  See how you did that, man?
[01:09:09]  What was the point?
[01:09:10]  What was the point?
[01:09:11]  We're having Hong Kong fluy, Kung Flu, Kelowna.
[01:09:15]  Yeah.
[01:09:15]  I took the air out of the fucking room.
[01:09:16]  We're going to go through it.
[01:09:17]  Everybody goes through it.
[01:09:18]  It's just what it is.
[01:09:19]  There's a.
[01:09:20]  I got one.
[01:09:20]  What about Gookenkof?
[01:09:31]  Giannis.
[01:09:32]  Where's your shit?
[01:09:33]  I'm letting it go.
[01:09:34]  Save us.
[01:09:37]  Let it go.
[01:09:38]  Good one or no?
[01:09:39]  Nothing.
[01:09:40]  Nothing.
[01:09:41]  There's got to be something.
[01:09:41]  Let's think of something.
[01:09:42]  Let's do it.
[01:09:43]  All right.
[01:09:43]  How about this?
[01:09:44]  I feel a little chopsick.
[01:09:45]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:09:48]  Little Johnson, go.
[01:09:50]  Yeah.
[01:09:50]  I can't think of anything.
[01:09:52]  I can't think of any good racism right now.
[01:09:54]  Come on.
[01:09:54]  There's got to be something good.
[01:09:56]  Yeah.
[01:09:57]  Slanty sickle cell.
[01:10:03]  Keep going.
[01:10:04]  Keep going.
[01:10:06]  Are we just doing any different?
[01:10:08]  All right, let's go.
[01:10:09]  We got this.
[01:10:09]  Let's do it.
[01:10:10]  We got this.
[01:10:13]  Gook and cough.
[01:10:14]  Gook and cough was fucking good.
[01:10:16]  I got it.
[01:10:16]  It's good.
[01:10:16]  Gook and cough.
[01:10:18]  Sounds like a German anime character.
[01:10:19]  Yeah, yeah.
[01:10:20]  Closed eye cold.
[01:10:21]  What is it?
[01:10:22]  Closed eye cold.
[01:10:23]  And we can get better.
[01:10:24]  All right.
[01:10:24]  All right.
[01:10:24]  I'll take that.
[01:10:25]  Well, we're starting with Gook and Cough.
[01:10:26]  It's all going to go downhill.
[01:10:27]  Walk and roll.
[01:10:29]  Wuhan.
[01:10:29]  No, because the Walk and Roll is an Asian.
[01:10:31]  What do we got?
[01:10:31]  Asians?
[01:10:32]  But we're getting too far away from it.
[01:10:34]  Gook and Cough was good.
[01:10:35]  It's got to be punny.
[01:10:37]  Right.
[01:10:38]  Right?
[01:10:38]  Chiny.
[01:10:41]  Chinese, Chun Lee.
[01:10:43]  Blue.
[01:10:45]  It's a brand store meeting here.
[01:10:46]  Ronnie Chang.
[01:10:52]  Is there a play on Orient Express in the Express Oriental cough?
[01:10:57]  How about Chopsick is pretty good?
[01:10:59]  Chopsick.
[01:11:00]  I like Chop Sick.
[01:11:01]  I like Chop Sick.
[01:11:02]  Hong Kong Fluy.
[01:11:03]  I like.
[01:11:04]  No, what was the one?
[01:11:04]  Kung Flu.
[01:11:05]  Small Eye Smallpox.
[01:11:08]  All right, guys.
[01:11:08]  Let's take a break for a second.
[01:11:10]  There is a company that we've been talking to for a while.

=== TENS Recovery Tech Review (02:28) ===

[01:11:14]  It was a product that I had to try before I.
[01:11:19]  I okayed it for the podcast.
[01:11:21]  I had to have my expert, my PhD, give it a try as well to make sure it was legit because it seems almost too good to be true.
[01:11:30]  But the company's called PowerDot.
[01:11:32]  And essentially, I'll let the doctor here explain.
[01:11:37]  Dr. Singh, what do you say about this PowerDot?
[01:11:40]  Thank you for having me on the show.
[01:11:41]  Of course, absolutely.
[01:11:43]  Now, I'm going to be honest, when you talked to me about it, I very Indianly was like, I'm skeptical.
[01:11:49]  And I legit did research.
[01:11:50]  Okay.
[01:11:51]  And there's two kinds of technology.
[01:11:52]  There's EMS, which is like electro muscular stimulation or something, and then TENS.
[01:11:57]  And TENS is the one I looked into first and foremost because that's about recovery.
[01:12:01]  And in any workout you do, recovery is the most important thing.
[01:12:05]  One of the reasons I never get any bigger is because I'm fucking sore after every workout for like two, three days.
[01:12:09]  Right, right, right, right.
[01:12:10]  This is clinically proven.
[01:12:12]  I literally looked into my insurance plan.
[01:12:13]  They approved TENS stimulation for pain management and recovery and stuff like that.
[01:12:18]  Yeah, if you're in pain, you can use this kind of technology, TENS, one of the two technologies, to help you not be in pain.
[01:12:23]  It works for muscle recovery, chronic back pain, any of that kind of stuff.
[01:12:28]  This works.
[01:12:28]  Now, these are the dots.
[01:12:29]  You put these on your muscles.
[01:12:31]  You attach that thing.
[01:12:32]  And then this is, this is the power control.
[01:12:35]  You also have an app that controls it.
[01:12:37]  So you just turn this on.
[01:12:39]  It's like the old electromagnetic stimulation thing that like Bruce Lee used.
[01:12:44]  But the difference is they combine that with this TENS technology.
[01:12:47]  And that's what separates it from.
[01:12:49]  Okay, so basically we work out.
[01:12:51]  Our muscles get torn apart.
[01:12:53]  In order for our muscles to build, they need to recover.
[01:12:56]  Recover.
[01:12:57]  What are all HGH, those performance enhancing drugs, all those things are just speeding up recovery.
[01:13:02]  Recovery aids.
[01:13:03]  They're recovery aids.
[01:13:04]  That's all they do.
[01:13:04]  They just increase cell growth.
[01:13:06]  Now, some people go get massages after workouts.
[01:13:09]  You see a lot of athletes on Russell Wilson.
[01:13:12]  All these athletes, you always see them on the massage chair, constant massage.
[01:13:15]  And it's literally trying to massage those muscles back to health.
[01:13:18]  This thing, the PowerDot.
[01:13:20]  Same thing.
[01:13:20]  That's what it does.
[01:13:21]  It stimulates it, but even faster because it's using electricity, which for some reason is better than hands.
[01:13:27]  It's always faster than manual.
[01:13:28]  Anything electric is faster than manual.
[01:13:29]  Great point, Alex.
[01:13:30]  Tesla.
[01:13:31]  Exactly.
[01:13:31]  Damn right.
[01:13:32]  Facts.
[01:13:33]  And a cool thing is when I got injured when I was in law enforcement, when I went to physical therapy, they used that on me.
[01:13:39]  That's what I'm saying.
[01:13:41]  TENS technology, and I had to look into it.

=== Cancel Culture Backlash (14:49) ===

[01:13:43]  PowerDot, it's called, by the way.
[01:13:44]  Don't look up TENS.
[01:13:45]  That's a strip club that they have, I think, in Queens.
[01:13:47]  Is that a strip club in Queens?
[01:13:48]  I don't believe so.
[01:13:49]  Maybe not Queens, but it's in the city.
[01:13:50]  Starlets.
[01:13:51]  There's a strip club here.
[01:13:51]  You can look into it, research it.
[01:13:53]  PowerDot, though.
[01:13:54]  But keep going.
[01:13:54]  But yeah, if you look up that technology, it's legit.
[01:13:56]  Studies say it's legit.
[01:13:57]  The insurance companies, they're not covering anything that doesn't work.
[01:14:01]  I mean, they're not just handing out money at health insurance companies.
[01:14:03]  Right.
[01:14:03]  So it's this is it must be legit.
[01:14:05]  Look, guys, go recover faster.
[01:14:07]  We got an offer for the U.S. customers only, 30-day trial plus an additional 20% off for our listeners.
[01:14:15]  Okay.
[01:14:15]  Go to power.com slash flagrant.
[01:14:19]  Powerdot.com slash flagrant.
[01:14:23]  Okay.
[01:14:24]  Use the code flagrant at checkout 20% off your order.
[01:14:27]  Again, that's powerdot.com slash flagrant and use the code flagrant for 20% off.
[01:14:35]  Let's get back to the show.
[01:14:37]  Bubonic plague.
[01:14:38]  I think there's something there.
[01:14:39]  Something in bubonic plague.
[01:14:41]  Yeah.
[01:14:41]  I think it could be, but it goes back to the gook and pub, but it's googonic plague.
[01:14:44]  You think I could get, can I get canceled for gooken cough?
[01:14:47]  No.
[01:14:47]  Okay.
[01:14:48]  A pun.
[01:14:48]  I'm just chilling.
[01:14:49]  Buddy, nobody is canceling you.
[01:14:51]  We just have that Shane Girris.
[01:14:53]  Shane Girris.
[01:14:53]  Dude, that's what I was telling Shane.
[01:14:55]  I was like, bro, if that came out a few months later.
[01:14:58]  You're too deep at this point, man.
[01:15:00]  Oh, yeah.
[01:15:01]  You're like Donnie Brasco for saying things like that.
[01:15:04]  Yeah, but you know what, though?
[01:15:05]  It's weird because I keep going on this.
[01:15:07]  You don't have to worry about this one.
[01:15:08]  And I keep getting like, you know, TV.
[01:15:10]  I have a cartoon in development now with Comedy Central.
[01:15:12]  And they're all like, you know, we know the podcast.
[01:15:14]  It's fine.
[01:15:14]  Why?
[01:15:15]  Really?
[01:15:15]  I say wild shit.
[01:15:16]  No, I think it's like it's fine.
[01:15:18]  You landed something, then they don't dig back.
[01:15:21]  It's like some guy like some independent guy.
[01:15:23]  I almost feel like we're past that too, where it's like, all right, what do you want me to tell you?
[01:15:26]  Yeah, I hope so.
[01:15:27]  You know, why do we want conversations?
[01:15:29]  I'm not sure if I can do it.
[01:15:29]  I'm not sure if I'm doing with Comedy Central.
[01:15:32]  Because they told me that I don't have to do like give up anything.
[01:15:35]  They're like, you keep doing the podcast, keep doing the internet stuff.
[01:15:38]  It's really no, it's minimal work for you.
[01:15:40]  We had written the script.
[01:15:41]  The script was written last year.
[01:15:44]  So they bought it, gave me a full 22-minute pilot.
[01:15:46]  So, you know, I still, the thing is with TV, there still is some money in TV.
[01:15:52]  So I still can cash in.
[01:15:53]  At least with Comedy Central.
[01:15:55]  It's not an inconvenience, though.
[01:15:56]  You're just not, well, that's the thing.
[01:15:57]  It's not a convenience.
[01:15:58]  It's all in New York, New York or LA.
[01:16:00]  No, let's just take the check that.
[01:16:02]  And they told me the most you'll have to do is if we get this series, the most you'll have to do is two hours, two to three hours twice a week from a sound booth in New York.
[01:16:10]  Oh, no, no.
[01:16:11]  The work is going to be great.
[01:16:12]  It's just like, if it's a passion of yours to have this show made and you want to have multiple seasons, Comedy Central is just not the place to do it.
[01:16:18]  Well, the thing is, though, I know with the money, it is interesting because the money is like, even when we were talking when I was on Fighter and the Kid, like, it's like Brian Callan said it on his own podcast.
[01:16:27]  He was like, yeah, man.
[01:16:28]  He was like, I mean, I like doing ABC shows.
[01:16:30]  He's like, but it's not even comparable to the money I get in podcasting and the fans I get in podcasting.
[01:16:35]  He was like, I'll sell a thousand tickets wherever I go.
[01:16:37]  Plus, it's only Fighter and the Kid fans.
[01:16:39]  100%.
[01:16:40]  It's very, very true.
[01:16:41]  It's a wild thing to think about.
[01:16:43]  Comedy Central shocks me how fucking retarded they are because they have two shows that work on that network, right?
[01:16:50]  And they're the most edgy shows, like South Park.
[01:16:53]  Farm and Tosh.
[01:16:55]  Tosh, right?
[01:16:55]  They're the two shows that are literally decades long.
[01:16:58]  Decades long, but sexist, racist, homophobic.
[01:17:02]  2018.
[01:17:03]  They're literally all the fucked up jokes, the most flagrant shows that would exist on that network work.
[01:17:09]  Every other show sucks.
[01:17:11]  The Comedy Seller show gets a 0.03 rating.
[01:17:15]  Really?
[01:17:16]  30,000 people watch it.
[01:17:18]  It's crazy to think.
[01:17:19]  Now, that's crazy.
[01:17:20]  You would think that they would go edgy like the other two shows that work on the channel.
[01:17:26]  They refuse to go.
[01:17:27]  The people who picked it up probably aren't there anymore.
[01:17:29]  The people who green light, it's just a bunch of dorks hanging up.
[01:17:31]  Bro, but they're leaning in internet stuff.
[01:17:33]  They bought Sam Real special.
[01:17:34]  They're pumping it out like that.
[01:17:35]  I think everybody on their internet is a little late.
[01:17:37]  They'll figure it out.
[01:17:38]  Well, it's all that's on the internet.
[01:17:39]  I mean, why would you give ads to a TV show anymore?
[01:17:42]  It's like just give it to the numbers now.
[01:17:44]  I went and saw Book of Mormon, by the way.
[01:17:47]  I used to say this about the South Park guys.
[01:17:49]  No comedian should have an ego at all because the South Park guys are so much better than everyone else who does comedy.
[01:17:57]  They fly above everyone.
[01:17:59]  I mean, that thing is a musical.
[01:18:01]  Doug.
[01:18:01]  And I was dying.
[01:18:03]  Like, I was barreled over.
[01:18:05]  They're number one.
[01:18:06]  They do that for 22 years.
[01:18:08]  I watch Book of Mormon, right?
[01:18:10]  After watching Book of Mormon, or while I'm watching it, I go, there's nothing I say that should get me canceled ever.
[01:18:15]  Yeah.
[01:18:15]  They have a baby rape joke that is recurring and called back to in that gets an applause by old Jewish women.
[01:18:25]  That's the only people who watch Broadway.
[01:18:28]  Right.
[01:18:28]  Or musicals.
[01:18:29]  Yeah, but Jewish women cancel.
[01:18:30]  Old people don't cancel.
[01:18:31]  That's a thing.
[01:18:32]  I guess you're right.
[01:18:32]  Maybe if young people actually saw it, but the young people are so infatuated with South Park because it's a smart show, satiric, whatever, it doesn't matter.
[01:18:39]  The point is, if you're not willing to cancel that, you're not willing to cancel.
[01:18:44]  That's brings, I forgot to mention this, the guy who is dying, who I went to go see right before this, 65-year-old dude.
[01:18:50]  Should we call him?
[01:18:51]  He's dead.
[01:18:51]  We could.
[01:18:52]  I don't know.
[01:18:52]  He might be dead.
[01:18:53]  That's what I'm thinking.
[01:18:54]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:18:54]  He, so he was saying, he goes, What I've noticed about people laying on my deathbed is how much of this world and specifically this country is all talk.
[01:19:04]  He was like, some of our friends that we started with, like, he mentioned some names.
[01:19:07]  I don't want to fucking shout them out.
[01:19:08]  He's like, all they do is write on Facebook about how much they love me and about how much, you know, this and that.
[01:19:14]  He said, they live in New York and not one of them has come seen me.
[01:19:17]  He's like, You didn't write a single thing, and he said, And I bet you people would say if they, you know, he said they could say because he was like, you know, out of all of us, he's like, you know, your career, you have the one that has a career.
[01:19:27]  He's like, they may say, oh, wow, Chris doesn't give a fuck about you.
[01:19:30]  He didn't donate to your GoFundMe or whatever.
[01:19:32]  And he's like, you came and physically saw me.
[01:19:34]  Yeah.
[01:19:35]  He said, and that's what our country, he like got enough strength to like get this because he could barely hear him, but he was like, this whole country, because his son was there.
[01:19:42]  His son is 25 years old.
[01:19:44]  He was like, oh, I hope when I go to his son, he was like, I hope you don't talk.
[01:19:48]  I hope you do.
[01:19:49]  And I was like, wow.
[01:19:50]  Because he was like, I feel like all your generation is talking.
[01:19:53]  Nobody's doing anything.
[01:19:54]  That's the down.
[01:19:55]  That's the dark side.
[01:19:56]  I hope you don't talk.
[01:19:57]  I hope you don't.
[01:19:57]  That's exactly what he said to me.
[01:19:58]  And it fucking gave me the chills.
[01:20:00]  That's the dark side to the internet because every surprise.
[01:20:03]  Giannis is talking about the dark side of something.
[01:20:05]  What a shock, man.
[01:20:07]  It is because those people.
[01:20:08]  Dark side of the internet.
[01:20:09]  Everyone's pretending to care and they don't.
[01:20:10]  And they don't.
[01:20:11]  They don't care.
[01:20:12]  Everyone's lying.
[01:20:13]  It's like nothing's real.
[01:20:14]  And it's like, so when you say something real, it just seems fucking like the beauty of it for us is say what the fuck you want.
[01:20:22]  Who cares?
[01:20:22]  Well, the story.
[01:20:23]  I don't fear these people.
[01:20:24]  This is a story about my dad that is true.
[01:20:26]  Like, it's not fabricated.
[01:20:27]  This is just, it's not even funny.
[01:20:29]  When Hurricane Sandy happened and Staten Island got destroyed, my dad lived inland.
[01:20:34]  And on the coast was all like the bungalows.
[01:20:36]  It was like mostly like Hispanic families that got their fucking shit rocked.
[01:20:40]  And my dad would rent a U-Haul truck or a van every day and go help them load their stuff in and out, take the kids to school.
[01:20:47]  He had one family live with him for like a week.
[01:20:49]  But my dad is my dad, old school guy from the Bronx.
[01:20:52]  When they would load this, when they were staying at the house, like the guys, the father's name was Jose.
[01:20:56]  He would call him Juan.
[01:20:57]  He would tell the kids, like, yo, don't steal my silverware, all like little jokes.
[01:21:00]  He's like, you play baseball.
[01:21:02]  How do you play baseball?
[01:21:03]  Like, all just things where like a woke warrior would be like, you cannot do that.
[01:21:06]  Like, Sean King would be like, do not.
[01:21:08]  Yeah.
[01:21:09]  But you're not doing shit.
[01:21:10]  You're yelling a lot.
[01:21:11]  But my dad was like, I'm physically taking these people in.
[01:21:15]  You know, he's like, granted, like, every time he came in the house, he was like, let me see your passports and whatever.
[01:21:19]  But he was like, still, he was like, taking them in.
[01:21:20]  You know what I mean?
[01:21:21]  I mean, he kept them in the garage.
[01:21:23]  They couldn't come in the living room.
[01:21:24]  We live in this weird time where we don't value.
[01:21:28]  He built an extra room to put it in.
[01:21:29]  He just put a space heater there.
[01:21:30]  He said, you can see it.
[01:21:31]  He was just sleeping, but I'll give you space from a fucking donkey to get to school.
[01:21:37]  Yeah, interpersonal relationships mean nothing now.
[01:21:40]  No, it's an all-time low.
[01:21:41]  Like it used to be back in the day, right?
[01:21:43]  It was, I know that person, right?
[01:21:46]  He said something wild one time, but I know him.
[01:21:49]  Sure.
[01:21:50]  Kind of a good guy.
[01:21:51]  There's context.
[01:21:52]  He probably didn't mean that.
[01:21:53]  Now it's you say something one time that defines you as an individual, no matter what you do with the rest of your life.
[01:21:59]  Right.
[01:22:00]  You know what I mean?
[01:22:00]  Like, Schindler was probably said some fucked up things.
[01:22:06]  Schindler at the beginning of the movie didn't give a fuck about any of it.
[01:22:08]  He didn't.
[01:22:09]  So imagine we just judged Schindler by the beginning of the movie.
[01:22:13]  No movie.
[01:22:14]  Fucking babe.
[01:22:15]  Gandhi had 12-year-old girlfriends and wives.
[01:22:17]  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[01:22:19]  Your people on the wrong pile.
[01:22:20]  Killer was a vegetarian.
[01:22:22]  Whoa.
[01:22:22]  Is he a bad guy?
[01:22:24]  No, I'm kidding.
[01:22:25]  No, it's true.
[01:22:26]  Gandhi, that's true.
[01:22:27]  He didn't have 12-year-old wives.
[01:22:28]  No, he had, but he did.
[01:22:30]  He cheated, right?
[01:22:30]  He had some girls, right?
[01:22:32]  Martin Luther King used to beat the shit out of his wife.
[01:22:34]  Do we know that for a fact?
[01:22:35]  Yeah, same with the Gandhi.
[01:22:36]  Oh, we can't say that.
[01:22:38]  No, no, no, he didn't do that.
[01:22:39]  He cheated.
[01:22:39]  Oh, he cheated.
[01:22:43]  Put me in blackface.
[01:22:44]  Jesus.
[01:22:47]  What he just said is a hundred times harder than anything I've said, but the kid has charm.
[01:22:51]  He cheers.
[01:22:52]  He throws it in here.
[01:22:53]  I'll fucking wiggle out.
[01:22:55]  I'll wiggle out my front side.
[01:22:56]  I say something.
[01:22:57]  You guys are going, whoa, whoa, what the Giannis, you're killing the room.
[01:23:00]  He's going, Martin Luther Kring killed his wife with fucking his fists.
[01:23:04]  And you guys, we're all just going, we're all just going, that's what he did.
[01:23:07]  Now you're going to get clicking.
[01:23:08]  You're just going to get clipping.
[01:23:09]  He killed his wife with his fist.
[01:23:10]  Giannis, just let me say it.
[01:23:13]  No, no, but my point is that everybody's got something bad about that.
[01:23:16]  I mean, you could do such an atrocity.
[01:23:18]  That's perfect.
[01:23:18]  Like, Hitler is, that's such an atrocity.
[01:23:20]  I don't give a fuck what he did.
[01:23:21]  It's like what he did.
[01:23:22]  He's out.
[01:23:23]  But normal people can find one thing bad or good about it.
[01:23:27]  Everybody forgets that they have grandparents when they're on Twitter.
[01:23:31]  Right.
[01:23:32]  If you just ask yourself if your grandfather or grandmother has said anything worse than the person you're canceling before you cancel them, you will know the answer very simply.
[01:23:43]  Yes.
[01:23:43]  My grandma or grandpa said some wild fucking shit.
[01:23:46]  I still love them.
[01:23:47]  They're still good people.
[01:23:48]  I'm not going to cancel them.
[01:23:50]  Simple as that.
[01:23:51]  Yeah.
[01:23:51]  Yeah.
[01:23:52]  You know, it's just, it's a weird time where like you just can't know somebody.
[01:23:56]  It kind of sucks.
[01:23:58]  You know what it is?
[01:23:58]  You know what?
[01:23:59]  I think, again, it really sucks.
[01:24:01]  Being a father.
[01:24:02]  It only sucks when you get something, though.
[01:24:04]  They can't cancel you if you're not trying to get something.
[01:24:06]  Well, if you're on this world.
[01:24:07]  Yeah.
[01:24:08]  But I think like being a dad, like, because you always think, like, what am I going to teach my child?
[01:24:12]  How do I set examples for my child?
[01:24:14]  And it's like, the world gets smaller when you become a parent.
[01:24:17]  And I think a lot of people, they don't have kids or like they have a lot of time on their hands where they're like, look, like, when, when, how old was your mom when she had you?
[01:24:25]  35.
[01:24:26]  Oh, she was older.
[01:24:26]  Okay.
[01:24:26]  So my mom was young, like 21.
[01:24:28]  Like, she didn't have time to be like, I'm mad at everything because she was like, I got this fucking child to raise.
[01:24:33]  It's like, when you become a parent, you're like, yo, honestly, that sucks that that happened to you.
[01:24:38]  But all I tell my kid when my daughter asks me stuff and when we have real conversations, I'm like, anybody, no matter what they look like, what religion they are, you treat them with kindness and respect.
[01:24:46]  That's all you do.
[01:24:47]  So I feel like if I'm doing that and we make it small like that, it's like, yeah, I know there's atrocities happening in fucking Syria.
[01:24:53]  And I'm sorry I didn't tweet about it today, Nanette, but I'm fucking teaching my child that anybody who comes in contact with her should, you know, you treat them with kindness and respect, unless they're Asian, not wearing a mask.
[01:25:05]  Anybody else, you treat them with kindness and respect.
[01:25:07]  And then, so I'm like, so what am I doing wrong then?
[01:25:10]  So you can, you could say, I said that, I said that, but if I'm telling my kid to do, and I'm making her life smaller, what's the problem then?
[01:25:16]  But if I said that to some, somebody who wants division, be like, well, no, that's going to solve the problem.
[01:25:21]  So fuck you.
[01:25:22]  Here's why you suck.
[01:25:23]  Click, click, click, blog, blog, blog, money, money, money.
[01:25:25]  So it's like, it's all bullshit.
[01:25:27]  Anybody who's loud with stuff like that, that's not a comedian, I'm like, I don't trust you at all when you're going off about like this, you know, shitting on whatever race you are, being like, this is the problem.
[01:25:39]  It's like, shut up.
[01:25:40]  Why do you want the attention again, guy?
[01:25:43]  Why do you want me to care about you?
[01:25:44]  The dark side of the internet is the extremes flourishing.
[01:25:47]  Both sides.
[01:25:48]  We can't forget the other side, too.
[01:25:49]  It's like those Patriot Prayer people.
[01:25:52]  Both people.
[01:25:52]  They're just as much.
[01:25:53]  They're the same person.
[01:25:55]  They just grew up in different neighborhoods.
[01:25:56]  I still get messages about like people don't like my politics trying to like cut me down from the right wing because I lean left.
[01:26:02]  It's like, they're the same fucking person, except they carry AK-47s.
[01:26:06]  The other ones carry milkshakes.
[01:26:07]  It's the same fucking shit.
[01:26:08]  You just like, there's something wrong with you.
[01:26:11]  My father has an eighth grade education, literally eighth grade fucking street education.
[01:26:15]  When Twitter came out, whatever, 2008, 2009, when I first started comedy, that's when I think, I think it was 2009.
[01:26:21]  He was like, you see this Twitter bullshit?
[01:26:22]  And I was like, yeah, he goes, this is going to be the biggest problem ever for our country.
[01:26:26]  And I was like, why?
[01:26:26]  He goes, because not everyone's supposed to be talking.
[01:26:28]  He said, not everyone's supposed to have a voice.
[01:26:30]  Not everyone's supposed to have a voice.
[01:26:32]  You have to be, you're not entitled to an opinion.
[01:26:34]  Yeah, that's probably.
[01:26:35]  You got to earn a public opinion.
[01:26:36]  Yeah.
[01:26:36]  He was like, I'm not supposed to hear from everybody.
[01:26:37]  Now all these idiots are going to start talking and we're going to have problems.
[01:26:40]  And nobody's tuning into like a well-reasoned tweet or personal.
[01:26:43]  No, because that shit is boring.
[01:26:44]  No, no.
[01:26:45]  Let me ask you a question.
[01:26:46]  What's weird about Germany?
[01:26:48]  Oh, yeah.
[01:26:49]  About Germans.
[01:26:50]  Yeah, well, you never actually got to that point.
[01:26:51]  No, I never got to that point.
[01:26:52]  Yeah.
[01:26:52]  Let's finish on that.
[01:26:53]  All right.
[01:26:54]  So this is what's fascinating me about Germans is like, like Louis C.K., he apologized, but he apologized because he got caught.
[01:27:03]  Right.
[01:27:03]  Like, he didn't like, he didn't, like, evolve before that and be like, hey, you know, I shouldn't like it to be worth it.
[01:27:09]  Can I tell you something hilarious?
[01:27:10]  Yeah.
[01:27:12]  It'd be funny if we finished this episode and I never get to do that.
[01:27:15]  No, no, this is really hilarious.
[01:27:16]  If you go to the cellar and you go to the stairs that we walk down to perform, and there's headshot pictures of all of us, the headshot picture of Louie that's on the stairs.
[01:27:28]  I know he's another one that's probably down, but on the stairs, it's actually close to mine, is of him in a hotel room.
[01:27:37]  He's sitting on the bed, kind of like weirdly looking at the door.
[01:27:42]  Dude, it is so fucking hysterical.
[01:27:45]  Next time you go to the cellar, just take a picture.
[01:27:47]  It's so funny.
[01:27:48]  Anyway, go on.
[01:27:49]  German.
[01:27:50]  So, yeah.
[01:27:50]  Thanks for listening, everybody.
[01:27:51]  Guys, check out History Hyena.
[01:27:53]  Let's do it.
[01:27:55]  No, no, go.
[01:27:56]  So, you think the Germans are not remorseful?
[01:27:58]  No, it's not that they're not remorseful.
[01:28:00]  It's like they didn't, like, you know, when you get caught and you just, that's why you're like, hey, let's just pretend.
[01:28:05]  Like, you just, it just stops.
[01:28:07]  It wasn't like they evolved past it and they were like, wow, that was really wrong what we did.
[01:28:10]  Yeah.
[01:28:11]  It was kind of like everyone just kind of went quiet.
[01:28:13]  Like, all of Ridgewood was like, you know, they hit all their Nazi shit.
[01:28:16]  They like put it away.
[01:28:17]  Yeah.
[01:28:17]  Like, they weren't like, you know what?
[01:28:20]  That whole thing was just erroneous thinking.
[01:28:22]  We were wrong.
[01:28:22]  They were going, like, we got caught.
[01:28:24]  Yeah.
[01:28:25]  But, like, they still want to do it.
[01:28:27]  You think, like, Louie, Louie does not want to jerk off in front of girls at the end of the day.
[01:28:31]  Yeah.
[01:28:31]  Yeah.

=== Justice System Flaws (07:05) ===

[01:28:32]  I mean, it's like, he got caught.
[01:28:33]  I feel like the only reason he's back on stage is to get big enough that everybody knows and he can just do it.
[01:28:38]  Yeah.
[01:28:38]  I mean, what he did is innocuous in the grand scheme.
[01:28:40]  That's the dream.
[01:28:41]  The dream is now.
[01:28:42]  Now you're aware of it.
[01:28:44]  He doesn't have to explain everything.
[01:28:45]  He goes and I guarantee you that girl's ready to get jerked off by like, I will watch him jerk off.
[01:28:49]  But that probably takes away some of the pleasure because you're inside of the finger at the hotel door.
[01:28:55]  It's interesting, too.
[01:28:56]  You know what I was?
[01:28:57]  It's just like what's in the realm of like what's socially acceptable sexually?
[01:29:00]  Because it's like jerking off.
[01:29:02]  He's six feet away jerking off.
[01:29:04]  We're like, you can't do that, but I'll let you come on my face.
[01:29:07]  Yeah.
[01:29:07]  So I just don't understand.
[01:29:08]  It's like, I'll take one off the islands, but if you're jerking off over there, that's inappropriate.
[01:29:13]  It's like, lady, I just fucking lit your corny as I was, it was very consensual.
[01:29:18]  It's all consensual, right?
[01:29:19]  I think there's a little bit.
[01:29:21]  I don't know, personally, but there's a little bit of like the naughtiness of it, like not the girl doesn't want it a little bit.
[01:29:26]  That's kind of like a little bit of a don't put that on him.
[01:29:28]  I don't think that's fair because I was at JFL, and I'm not going to say which female comic, but I had a couple of female comics tell me that they were there in Aspen when it happened.
[01:29:37]  That's one incident, though.
[01:29:38]  The other incident where he was jerking off on the phone.
[01:29:41]  Let me just say.
[01:29:43]  That's not cool.
[01:29:44]  What do you mean that's not cool?
[01:29:44]  You know how many girls have been fingering themselves on the phone with me and then they just start going, hey, you want to know what I'm doing right now?
[01:29:49]  Yeah, but that's fingering yourself.
[01:29:50]  No, but that's the same shit.
[01:29:52]  It's a little different now.
[01:29:53]  No, it's not different.
[01:29:54]  Why is it different?
[01:29:54]  It's kind of like if you hook up, if you're a 16-year-old kid and you hook up with a female teacher, it's like, guys, you're creepier than girls.
[01:30:00]  Would you leave your kid with a guy babysitter or a girl babysitter?
[01:30:03]  No, I would never have a guy babysitter.
[01:30:04]  Nobody ever would.
[01:30:05]  Of course.
[01:30:05]  Because it's different.
[01:30:06]  Actually, I had one when I was a kid.
[01:30:08]  And I like confronted my parents as an adult about it.
[01:30:10]  I was like, why?
[01:30:12]  We're called in from Scotland and we left our family and I'm here for money.
[01:30:16]  I don't care about reason, yeah, Sharks.
[01:30:18]  I want the fucking money.
[01:30:20]  But yeah, but there was a female comic who told me she was there in the Aspen and the other girls were telling her that that weekend in Aspen at the Comedy Festival, they were all laughing about it.
[01:30:30]  It was not this tragedy where they were like victims.
[01:30:32]  They were laughing amongst the girls together.
[01:30:34]  Dude, oh my God, do you know what happened?
[01:30:35]  Blah, blah, blah, blah.
[01:30:36]  I mean, I heard other things where like they were like taking pictures and it was funny and she like it was a complete goof.
[01:30:42]  And then it turned into this tragedy after the fact.
[01:30:46]  So I think in the grand scheme, it's not a big deal.
[01:30:51]  I know you saw Pete Davidson special and that you feel a certain guy.
[01:30:54]  I'm just going on that side now.
[01:30:55]  Yeah, I know you're rocking.
[01:30:56]  No, I think, I think, no, I don't.
[01:30:59]  Pete threw Louis under the bus for some dudes, huh?
[01:31:03]  He did.
[01:31:04]  Yeah.
[01:31:05]  Pete is the number one don't give a fuck comic, maybe ever.
[01:31:09]  Maybe Louis inside at SNL.
[01:31:12]  Isn't that the most reasonable fucking thing?
[01:31:15]  It's the office.
[01:31:17]  I'm a 50-year-old man coming to work.
[01:31:19]  I don't want to fucking have weed all over the place as I'm about to do all this.
[01:31:22]  I'm about to have a fucking, what is it called?
[01:31:24]  I'm going to give a monologue.
[01:31:25]  Monologue, yeah.
[01:31:26]  A monologue on us.
[01:31:27]  Maybe one of the biggest moments in his fucking career, and you're coming in and there's weed all over the place.
[01:31:31]  You're like, hey, can you just not have weed?
[01:31:33]  Yeah.
[01:31:33]  This is really reasonable.
[01:31:34]  He's not going to be a good person.
[01:31:35]  This kind of story.
[01:31:36]  That's your body.
[01:31:37]  And it's kind of funny going on.
[01:31:38]  Exactly.
[01:31:39]  That's where you draw the line.
[01:31:40]  Like, that's kind of funny.
[01:31:42]  Oh, the joke is great.
[01:31:43]  Yeah.
[01:31:43]  I mean, Pete's great story is not.
[01:31:45]  It's like he went out of his way to snitch on him.
[01:31:47]  And nobody likes snitches.
[01:31:48]  I think the joke took a little too long, but it wasn't.
[01:31:50]  If anybody doesn't like snitches, it's Louis C.K. If there's a guy out there who doesn't like snitching, it's got to be Louis.
[01:31:58]  All I'm saying is, if you're a 50-year-old man or however the fuck old Louis is, I can understand if you don't want kids smoking weed when you come to fucking work.
[01:32:04]  Right.
[01:32:05]  That completely makes sense.
[01:32:06]  Yeah.
[01:32:06]  Now, who do you tell about that?
[01:32:08]  I don't know.
[01:32:08]  Do you tell Lauren?
[01:32:09]  Do you tell he told Lauren?
[01:32:11]  I'm the type of guy where I go directly to the person.
[01:32:13]  I'm a guy.
[01:32:14]  That's what I do.
[01:32:14]  But not everybody's going to do that.
[01:32:16]  Most comics are fucking pussies.
[01:32:17]  Let's be honest.
[01:32:18]  How often have you seen comics come to me?
[01:32:19]  To your point, Louie doesn't even like direct sex with the person.
[01:32:22]  He would rather do that indirectly.
[01:32:24]  So maybe that's what it was, but that's still some snitch shit.
[01:32:27]  I'm with Pete on that for sure.
[01:32:28]  We don't even know if it's a true story because even if Louie came out and was like, it's not true, he wouldn't be like, shut the fuck up, you fucking burbert.
[01:32:35]  Nothing's true, isn't it?
[01:32:36]  Nothing's fucking true.
[01:32:37]  Would you take your dick out?
[01:32:39]  Well, but it's interesting how the world has changed because he wasn't saying this to me, but I heard him say this, and I'm sure he's fine if I say this because it's a positive thing.
[01:32:46]  I heard him say when this whole shit went down, he would be sitting on the train and people would fucking say awful things to him, like accusing him, you're a rapist, accusing him of shit that's like, whoa, That's fucking not even remotely true.
[01:32:59]  I didn't even beat accused of that, but people are so crazy.
[01:33:01]  He said, nothing's changed now.
[01:33:02]  All I've done was gone away and the world has continued.
[01:33:06]  He said, and now people come up to me, 95%, people come up on the train or in public and say, I'm sorry that happened to you, or welcome back.
[01:33:14]  Happy to see you again.
[01:33:15]  He said, it may be the same people.
[01:33:17]  So it's just like this mob mentality one way or another.
[01:33:20]  Oh, yeah.
[01:33:20]  The mob is idiotic.
[01:33:21]  You know, dude, we were at the Patrice O'Neill benefit.
[01:33:24]  He did a pop-in.
[01:33:25]  He got a standing ovation when he walked on.
[01:33:27]  I believe you.
[01:33:27]  No, what he did in the grand scheme is it's not even a crime.
[01:33:31]  It's not, well, it's not that it's not a crime.
[01:33:33]  But let me ask you this.
[01:33:34]  Let me even pose this.
[01:33:35]  This is just a question.
[01:33:37]  We have a justice system in this country, right?
[01:33:41]  That we believe in, we pay tax.
[01:33:43]  And I know it's unfair to certain groups.
[01:33:45]  I don't know who those groups are.
[01:33:46]  No, I'm kidding.
[01:33:47]  I know it's unfair.
[01:33:48]  I know what it's unfair, and I understand all that.
[01:33:50]  Let's take a guy like Bill Cosby, right?
[01:33:52]  What he did was heinous.
[01:33:53]  He was in our system.
[01:33:56]  He was put through the service of the law and all that.
[01:33:58]  He does his full 10 years, whatever it is, 10 years full.
[01:34:02]  I believe he should be allowed to come back and start doing stand-up because what prison is is you pay your debt to society.
[01:34:08]  I agree with that.
[01:34:09]  You've done that.
[01:34:10]  Now you are welcomed back in, even though whatever, if we thought it was so heinous we never want to see you again, we put you in jail for life.
[01:34:15]  We put you in jail for 10 years.
[01:34:17]  The victim, it sucks what happened.
[01:34:18]  It's all about you paid your debt.
[01:34:20]  Now you come back.
[01:34:21]  You are allowed to come back.
[01:34:22]  That's how I felt about Michael Vick and step in.
[01:34:24]  He did his time.
[01:34:25]  He didn't want him in the league.
[01:34:26]  No, he did his time.
[01:34:27]  That's the whole point of the fucking prison sentence is now I can return.
[01:34:30]  Right.
[01:34:31]  If you felt like, and especially if you felt like I can be paroled or I can be let out, whatever, then you've decided I'm rehabilitated.
[01:34:37]  If I'm going to be blackballed forever, then what's the point of even letting me out of prison then?
[01:34:40]  Well, you know, so that's unpopular, what I just said.
[01:34:44]  No, it's not because you guys tell people.
[01:34:46]  Amongst the woke people.
[01:34:47]  No, no, I know.
[01:34:47]  But you basically got to tell them is you got to be like, your issue is not necessarily with Cosby or Michael Vick here.
[01:34:54]  Your issue is with the justice system.
[01:34:56]  So you need to lobby the justice system to make the punishment for killing dogs or fighting dogs more the punishment for rape more.
[01:35:03]  I think, I don't think there's any of us in here that wouldn't agree that you could punish rape by the highest thing in the law.
[01:35:08]  You could kill him.
[01:35:08]  I don't give a fuck.
[01:35:09]  Sure.
[01:35:10]  But if the punishment for the crime is 10 years or whatever it is, and they do that, you have to let them back.
[01:35:17]  You don't have to go to their show.
[01:35:18]  No, absolutely not.
[01:35:19]  You don't have to go to the show.
[01:35:20]  I'm not saying the victims need to go.
[01:35:21]  You don't have to do anything, but they shouldn't be blackballed anymore.
[01:35:24]  And that's my point with Louis.
[01:35:25]  And that's what we get into this weird thing where he was at trial by Twitter because he didn't actually commit a crime.
[01:35:30]  Oh, they didn't press charges.
[01:35:31]  They didn't press charge charges.
[01:35:32]  So why was he black?
[01:35:34]  Why was he outlawed ever?
[01:35:35]  Why was he outlawed ever?
[01:35:37]  It's a mob mentality.

=== Animal Fighting Punishment (04:00) ===

[01:35:38]  You know what I mean?
[01:35:38]  He didn't do anything that our governing system says that he should be tapping.
[01:35:43]  I believe it's about Louis and Aziz.
[01:35:45]  And Aziz did it more, I think, because Aziz is like woke bae.
[01:35:48]  That's what they called him.
[01:35:49]  He's the woke guy.
[01:35:50]  Louie, there was a piousness about Louis that was like, oh, I'm a great father.
[01:35:54]  I'm this great guy.
[01:35:55]  Always on the right side of everything morally.
[01:35:58]  And I think when you see that guy fucking up, you're like, oh, fuck you, extra.
[01:36:02]  And that's why those guys fell the hardest.
[01:36:04]  Sure.
[01:36:04]  If you found out, I said if Schultz got accused of the same thing as Aziz, everybody would be like, yeah, of course.
[01:36:10]  This thing was going to happen when he went to Andrew's house.
[01:36:12]  That's what it is.
[01:36:12]  Yeah.
[01:36:13]  Yeah.
[01:36:13]  He would just go, long live the fragrancy.
[01:36:16]  If you say some racist shit, everybody's going to be like, of course, Chris said some racist shit.
[01:36:20]  Hard times his whole brain.
[01:36:21]  Bro, I say wild shit.
[01:36:23]  What do you mean if?
[01:36:24]  You mean people of that true?
[01:36:27]  Dude, you know how many times, like, people, I'll say something fucking nuts.
[01:36:31]  Like, some Asian person will say that, hey, Guken Kaf was funny to me.
[01:36:34]  The only time I've ever gotten somebody, the only time in my whole career that I've ever gotten somebody angry at me has been a white woman.
[01:36:41]  Or two white women have gotten angry about things that I've said.
[01:36:45]  When I did that show, The Ultimate, Beastmaster was only white women or white men.
[01:36:49]  There goes Feng Wong into the ducks office.
[01:36:50]  Bing Fong into the duck sauce.
[01:36:52]  Because the Asians are like, this is 10 out of 10.
[01:36:55]  So it's always white women trying to fucking white knight it.
[01:36:57]  And it's like, you're the most racist, as we said in the beginning.
[01:37:00]  So I know I'm aware of that.
[01:37:01]  So now I'm just very much like, shut up.
[01:37:03]  But that's why I think having a child is like, I'm not trying to sit there and think about ways to tweet at somebody I hate because I'm like, I have to fucking watch Wreck-It Ralph for the third time and make sure my daughter doesn't stick her hand in the neutral bullet.
[01:37:15]  Great, great movie.
[01:37:16]  Oh, God.
[01:37:17]  Sarah Silverman, good voice.
[01:37:18]  You know what else we didn't finish is what would you guys do?
[01:37:20]  Buck Angel.
[01:37:21]  We conveniently didn't answer that question.
[01:37:24]  We'll save that for the next one.
[01:37:25]  Yeah.
[01:37:25]  I think we'll save that for the next one.
[01:37:27]  Yeah, and the Germans.
[01:37:27]  We'll get back there.
[01:37:28]  Yeah.
[01:37:29]  Guys, thank you so much for coming on.
[01:37:30]  Make sure you check out Giannis' special.
[01:37:33]  It's on YouTube right now.
[01:37:34]  He finally fixed a thumbnail.
[01:37:36]  Yeah.
[01:37:36]  And it looks way better.
[01:37:37]  It's a hilarious thing.
[01:37:38]  You think that's going to do it?
[01:37:39]  Well, I think it helps because now people at least know what they're clicking on.
[01:37:42]  True.
[01:37:42]  It's all about the advertisement, right?
[01:37:44]  If you're advertising a movie, but it doesn't look like a movie, then people aren't going to go see it.
[01:37:48]  All right.
[01:37:48]  I gave it a try.
[01:37:49]  That's the thing I realized about you.
[01:37:50]  You will fucking do the work.
[01:37:53]  You will do any amount of work.
[01:37:54]  I mean, but you will not put any time whatsoever into what works and what doesn't.
[01:38:01]  Like your whole thing.
[01:38:02]  Work hard not to start.
[01:38:04]  Yeah.
[01:38:04]  Your whole thing is like, I will throw shit against the wall.
[01:38:07]  And if it sticks, I'll fucking run with it.
[01:38:09]  That's true.
[01:38:09]  You know what I mean?
[01:38:10]  But what I think is valuable is going, all right, what's sticky?
[01:38:14]  And then throw that against the wall.
[01:38:16]  Do you know what I'm saying?
[01:38:17]  Yeah.
[01:38:17]  But it's hard to know.
[01:38:18]  Yeah.
[01:38:18]  I mean, it's hard to know what's sticky until you fuck up.
[01:38:21]  And then you fuck up and you're like, oh, that doesn't work.
[01:38:22]  Let me try this.
[01:38:23]  Yeah, but you can sit down.
[01:38:25]  You can think about things.
[01:38:26]  You can create theorems.
[01:38:27]  You know, your people are good at that.
[01:38:29]  And you can figure out how to use those to make it work every single time.
[01:38:32]  Be like Pythagoras, bro.
[01:38:34]  Yeah.
[01:38:35]  Yeah.
[01:38:36]  Anyway, I love you.
[01:38:36]  Make sure you check out History of Hyenas, guys.
[01:38:38]  Go give it a listen.
[01:38:39]  Great podcast.
[01:38:40]  Chrissy D, go check Chrissy on Kimmel.
[01:38:42]  And Bomb City.
[01:38:44]  It's going to be good.
[01:38:44]  It's going to be really good.
[01:38:45]  Love you guys, man.
[01:38:46]  Love you, bad guys.
[01:38:47]  Take care.
[01:38:48]  What up, people?
[01:38:49]  I know that we didn't get to any hot topics today, flagrant thoughts, et cetera.
[01:38:54]  But we had the Hyenas boys on.
[01:38:56]  And you know, the flagrancy is palpitable.
[01:38:59]  Palpatable?
[01:39:00]  Palpable.
[01:39:02]  Palpable.
[01:39:03]  Well, it's whatever it is.
[01:39:06]  Patreon.
[01:39:08]  We won't come through with it.
[01:39:09]  Very excited.
[01:39:10]  Got a lot of things that we need to discuss.
[01:39:14]  We got to talk about that Izzy fight.
[01:39:16]  Yo.
[01:39:17]  We got to talk.
[01:39:18]  Matter of fact, we should give Izzy a call.
[01:39:20]  We got to give Izzy a call.
[01:39:21]  Let's see if he's around, if he's available, if he's still in the States.
[01:39:25]  But yeah, we got to talk about that fight.
[01:39:27]  We've got a lot of other interesting things to talk about.
[01:39:28]  So we will see you guys Friday for Patreon.
[01:39:32]  We love y'all.
[01:39:33]  We hope y'all enjoyed the episode.
[01:39:35]  Make sure you keep it tight.
[01:39:37]  Peace.