Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Bestiality Is Natural
Aired: 2020-02-14
Duration: 12:24


=== Timing Overrides Intent (09:17) ===

[00:00:04]  What's up, everybody?
[00:00:05]  Welcome to Flagrant 2.
[00:00:06]  This is a Patreon episode.
[00:00:07]  You already know what the fuck it is.
[00:00:10]  Okay, we back in New York, back in the studio.
[00:00:12]  Okay, Flagrant Thought of the Week.
[00:00:13]  We got to start out.
[00:00:16]  I had this thought.
[00:00:17]  You've been slipping on Flagrant Thought, no more.
[00:00:19]  Oh, no, no, no more.
[00:00:19]  It's coming back.
[00:00:20]  100%.
[00:00:20]  We got to start it off.
[00:00:21]  We start everything off with the flagrancy.
[00:00:26]  I think that humans are the only animal that isn't down with bestiality.
[00:00:36]  And I think that because, like, we look at BC Alley, we're like, how could you?
[00:00:41]  Like, that's the most repulsive thing.
[00:00:43]  That's the worst thing ever, right?
[00:00:44]  It's like bestiality.
[00:00:46]  You know, how?
[00:00:46]  Being gay.
[00:00:47]  You know how wild it would be to an animal?
[00:00:50]  I'm joking about the being gay thing.
[00:00:53]  I was hoping somebody would listen, but if I didn't address that, everybody.
[00:00:57]  Because I was about to say something wild, too.
[00:01:00]  We're only in Atlanta for a weekend, guys.
[00:01:02]  If animals saw us, do you know how shocked they would be that we asked for consent?
[00:01:07]  Oh, yeah.
[00:01:08]  Was that your flagrant?
[00:01:09]  No, Oh, yeah.
[00:01:12]  Like, bestiality is like...
[00:01:13]  That's the beginning.
[00:01:14]  Like, bro, y'all asking?
[00:01:15]  Consent is something that only exists in the human kingdom.
[00:01:19]  Like, the animal kingdom is like, you eat what's there.
[00:01:22]  They don't consent to eating.
[00:01:24]  Like, you ever seen an alligator eat the dog when the dog's barking at the alligator?
[00:01:29]  And the alligator is, that's cute.
[00:01:30]  And then just fucking chomps him up, drags him back in.
[00:01:33]  Yo, the animal kingdom looking at us like, y'all, the human queendom.
[00:01:37]  Real talk.
[00:01:37]  We're a queendom, dog.
[00:01:39]  Y'all some bitches out here.
[00:01:40]  We're a queendom, bro.
[00:01:42]  Yo, no respect.
[00:01:43]  Anyway, so I was thinking about this bestiality shit.
[00:01:46]  The dog will hump your leg, right?
[00:01:48]  Oh, yeah.
[00:01:50]  Now, here's the thing where it's coming down to.
[00:01:52]  Maybe they don't know that we're not a dog.
[00:01:56]  So maybe bestiality is an intent thing.
[00:01:59]  Animals aren't smart enough to know they're not fucking one of their kind.
[00:02:03]  You gotta know, right?
[00:02:04]  Like you see a big ass, tall ass dog walking on two legs.
[00:02:07]  Yeah.
[00:02:07]  That can't be a dog.
[00:02:08]  That's gotta be something else.
[00:02:09]  But do they know it's something else?
[00:02:11]  Like, do you think a shark knows that a dolphin isn't a shark?
[00:02:15]  Yes.
[00:02:15]  Yes.
[00:02:16]  What about a fish?
[00:02:18]  What about a big grouper?
[00:02:20]  You know how they have those giant groupers that look like a shark?
[00:02:23]  You think a grouper doesn't know that it's not a shark?
[00:02:26]  I don't know how fish have sex, to be honest with you.
[00:02:28]  Like, is there penetration involved or is it more of like a fertilization process?
[00:02:32]  That's a good question, yo.
[00:02:34]  I thought they just shoot off into the sky and then they definitely not do it in the sky.
[00:02:38]  No, I mean, in the water.
[00:02:39]  You know what I mean?
[00:02:40]  And then the eggs shoot off into the water.
[00:02:42]  And then they might need it.
[00:02:44]  They just gagged on it.
[00:02:44]  They jerk off in the water.
[00:02:47]  And then if somebody slips on it, they slip off.
[00:02:49]  Okay.
[00:02:50]  So then maybe it's an intent thing.
[00:02:52]  Yeah.
[00:02:52]  So I started to think about this intent thing with BC Alley.
[00:02:56]  When we fuck animals, we're not going, oh, you are an animal?
[00:03:00]  Right?
[00:03:01]  There's no like, somebody sees you fucking horse.
[00:03:03]  You're like, is that a horse?
[00:03:04]  And then you find out it's a horse, right?
[00:03:06]  We're going, I want to fuck that horse.
[00:03:08]  I want to fuck, like, some girls let snakes crawl in their pussy.
[00:03:12]  Have you seen this before?
[00:03:13]  Oh, no.
[00:03:13]  Nope.
[00:03:14]  You guys haven't seen this on porno?
[00:03:15]  Nope.
[00:03:15]  No.
[00:03:16]  That's a thing.
[00:03:16]  Girls will let snakes go in their pussy.
[00:03:18]  Oh, my God.
[00:03:19]  Yeah.
[00:03:19]  I was wondering how you got on this BC Alley dick to begin with.
[00:03:22]  Well, no.
[00:03:22]  That's probably how that wasn't it.
[00:03:25]  I was at my girl's.
[00:03:26]  It was about my girl's place.
[00:03:28]  I was fucking her dog.
[00:03:28]  And I was like, this is, this is, I'm doing this on purpose.
[00:03:32]  I'm not making a mistake, right?
[00:03:35]  It's a tiny little dog.
[00:03:36]  You use it like a flashlight, bro.
[00:03:37]  You just grab it and then you just.
[00:03:39]  Dogs like that should get fucked.
[00:03:41]  Bro, happy.
[00:03:42]  Happy.
[00:03:42]  I've been looking at happy.
[00:03:44]  What are you asking for?
[00:03:45]  What type of dog is it?
[00:03:46]  Multi-poo.
[00:03:47]  Multipoo.
[00:03:48]  Dude, when you were going to say Maltese, I was about to be like, gay, and then you added.
[00:03:53]  Yeah.
[00:03:53]  You got to lean in, yo.
[00:03:54]  Multi-poo?
[00:03:55]  Multi-poo.
[00:03:56]  You got to lean in.
[00:03:57]  Multipoo sounds like a kid you adopt for five cents a day.
[00:04:01]  You know what I mean?
[00:04:02]  Multipoo.
[00:04:03]  Multipoo be raining you letters.
[00:04:05]  I love multipoo.
[00:04:06]  I love this kid.
[00:04:06]  You're like, yo, where you get all this loose leaf multipoo?
[00:04:09]  Son, we be cuddling.
[00:04:10]  I love this little dog.
[00:04:11]  Anyway, flesh light.
[00:04:12]  Yeah.
[00:04:14]  Problem is, you can knock out some of his teeth.
[00:04:15]  It's a little bit because they have weak teeth.
[00:04:17]  Does your multipoo have weak teeth?
[00:04:18]  I'm sure.
[00:04:19]  They have weak teeth.
[00:04:20]  I'm sure.
[00:04:20]  Anyway, I wasn't fucking my girl's dog.
[00:04:23]  Just to clarify for any of you fucking animals out there.
[00:04:25]  But I did start to think we make the decision to fuck the dog.
[00:04:30]  Yeah.
[00:04:31]  Intent-based.
[00:04:32]  So I start to go, oh, is everything based on intent?
[00:04:36]  If you're intending to do something, does that make it the thing?
[00:04:43]  Right?
[00:04:44]  Interesting.
[00:04:45]  And I go, this is the second part of the flagrant thought.
[00:04:49]  How long can you touch your boy's dick before it becomes gay?
[00:04:56]  I think that's an intent-based thing.
[00:04:58]  That's what I thought.
[00:04:59]  And then I pulled back.
[00:05:01]  So if I slap your dick with the outside of my fingers, right?
[00:05:08]  Not with the wet, not the pads of the fingers where you have a fingerprint.
[00:05:12]  Yeah.
[00:05:12]  With the nail part.
[00:05:13]  Right.
[00:05:14]  Not gay.
[00:05:15]  Is that how you got those cuts in your hands?
[00:05:18]  It's a big old dick, dog.
[00:05:20]  No, it's kickboxing.
[00:05:21]  And now I'm a badass.
[00:05:22]  But if I slap the dick, right?
[00:05:28]  Not gay.
[00:05:30]  Right?
[00:05:31]  Tap, tap, not gay.
[00:05:32]  Nobody's going to be.
[00:05:34]  Is your intent to fuck with the person and maybe hurt them?
[00:05:37]  Or is it, I just want to feel his dick real quick.
[00:05:39]  Either way, you don't know.
[00:05:41]  I could literally.
[00:05:42]  Who are you asking, not gay?
[00:05:43]  Because if you're asking a white guy, no.
[00:05:46]  You're asking a black guy, yes.
[00:05:47]  Yeah, but like if I go, ah, you're going to go, oh, that's white guys are crazy.
[00:05:51]  No, I'm going to punch you with your fucking gun.
[00:05:52]  No, you won't.
[00:05:53]  You know white people enough.
[00:05:55]  No, no, no.
[00:05:55]  You know white people enough where I could tap it.
[00:05:58]  If you're asking if it's gay, it's not gay.
[00:06:00]  If you're axing if it's gay, it's gay.
[00:06:03]  Now, but you know, that's white boy fun.
[00:06:05]  You've been around white boys fun.
[00:06:06]  Yeah, white boys with white boys.
[00:06:08]  You've never slapped my dick.
[00:06:10]  I could slap your dick and it's like.
[00:06:12]  I'll slap your dick right now.
[00:06:13]  No, you won't.
[00:06:14]  If there wasn't a desk right there, I would go and slap your dick with the back of my fingers and you would see how not gay it is.
[00:06:19]  It could reach past his desk.
[00:06:20]  I like that.
[00:06:21]  You'd like it.
[00:06:22]  It could reach back.
[00:06:22]  Suck it the fuck out of my son.
[00:06:24]  Give me that.
[00:06:29]  The point is, you could slap a dick.
[00:06:31]  It's okay.
[00:06:32]  Now, I think it's a timing issue.
[00:06:35]  It's not intent.
[00:06:36]  Now, if I went like this to your dick, right?
[00:06:40]  I pressed it like you're trying to get in the old iPhone, remember?
[00:06:44]  Okay.
[00:06:45]  Right?
[00:06:46]  Remember that one, right?
[00:06:47]  If I went like that, if I just went, boop, like if I just tap the top of it, I still think it could be gay.
[00:06:53]  Not gay.
[00:06:54]  This motion is a little gay, but if I just, if I, or even better, and this is intent.
[00:06:59]  If I just went like this and I was just like, I'm in front of you, you're behind me.
[00:07:03]  Ball tap, dick tap, pads of the fingers, not gay.
[00:07:07]  But if I went in there and I and IPhone opened it, gay.
[00:07:13]  Yeah.
[00:07:13]  Even if it's for a joke.
[00:07:14]  There's a point at which timing overrides intent.
[00:07:17]  Overrides intent.
[00:07:19]  And that's if it's long enough.
[00:07:20]  There's a point at which it's enough time no matter what your intent was, it's gay.
[00:07:24]  It's gay.
[00:07:25]  Or.
[00:07:27]  Or.
[00:07:28]  It might not even be time because Bobby Lee on Twitter, I saw him kissing.
[00:07:31]  That's what started this conversation.
[00:07:32]  And that shit is gay, even though it was a quick smooch.
[00:07:35]  Okay.
[00:07:36]  Bobby Lee kissed Cheeto Santino, Andrew Santino.
[00:07:41]  Yeah.
[00:07:42]  Kissed his dick.
[00:07:42]  They're doing a podcast together.
[00:07:44]  But, but no, no.
[00:07:45]  So Santino brings out his dick.
[00:07:47]  Looks like he has a fucking root on him, too.
[00:07:49]  Did you see it?
[00:07:50]  No, I thought.
[00:07:52]  I didn't zoom in.
[00:07:52]  I thought it was a nut.
[00:07:53]  I thought he took a nut out and like.
[00:07:56]  That's how bulbous it was.
[00:07:58]  Looked like a hook-nosed shylock was in his pants, dog.
[00:08:02]  Dude, he takes it in the underwear.
[00:08:06]  He just pulls out the bulge, and then Bobby Lee does this.
[00:08:10]  He kisses it, but how you kiss someone when you meet them in Europe?
[00:08:16]  He doesn't go straight on to the lips.
[00:08:19]  He goes, He gives a little, hey, this is my friend, Sophia.
[00:08:26]  Oh, nice to meet you, Sophia.
[00:08:28]  If you rub a man's dick on your face like it's cashmere, like that's gay, yo.
[00:08:34]  I just want to stroke it against my cheek.
[00:08:36]  That's why they always got coronavirus.
[00:08:38]  Stop fucking kissing shit.
[00:08:39]  You don't need a kiss, Bobby Ree.
[00:08:45]  Come on, Bobby Ree.
[00:08:46]  Bro, actually called colonavirus.
[00:08:49]  Colonavirus.
[00:08:50]  He's actually called colonization.
[00:08:51]  It's called Colonna Vila.
[00:08:54]  How they name it some shit they can't even say.
[00:08:56]  That don't make no fucking sense, bro.
[00:08:58]  Dude, man.
[00:08:59]  How unfortunate is Shane Garris that he didn't have his shit come out now?
[00:09:05]  Because if what he said came out during the coronavirus, you know, a lot of people would be like, fuck them in, and you really can't be out here killing us all.
[00:09:14]  I ain't eating everyone neuter until this coronavirus is taken care of.
[00:09:18]  Son.
[00:09:19]  Anyway, a timing intent thing.

=== Retard Handshake Competition (03:03) ===

[00:09:21]  Yeah.
[00:09:22]  I'm starting to think timing is everything.
[00:09:23]  You're doing flirty shit with a girl.
[00:09:25]  She gets uncomfortable.
[00:09:27]  You stop.
[00:09:28]  I think it's okay.
[00:09:29]  Yeah.
[00:09:29]  You keep on going past.
[00:09:31]  That's the problem.
[00:09:33]  Timing is important.
[00:09:34]  That's a good point.
[00:09:35]  Timing is important.
[00:09:36]  That's huge.
[00:09:37]  Timing overrides intent.
[00:09:40]  Timing is paramount.
[00:09:42]  That's the word.
[00:09:43]  It's the most important.
[00:09:43]  Is that what paramount means?
[00:09:44]  Yeah, it's the most important.
[00:09:46]  Paramount means.
[00:09:47]  Paramount.
[00:09:47]  Yeah.
[00:09:47]  I thought that's when you fuck like a crippled girl.
[00:09:50]  Paramount is like the top.
[00:09:51]  Oh.
[00:09:52]  So paramount importance.
[00:09:54]  I thought it was like paraplegic and you mount.
[00:09:57]  You know what I mean?
[00:09:58]  So that you paramount one of these bitches.
[00:10:00]  No, that's called boring.
[00:10:02]  For both of you.
[00:10:04]  She's like, are you in?
[00:10:06]  Who the fucking want that?
[00:10:08]  Yo.
[00:10:09]  See, oh, bro, no, that's the ultimate dick.
[00:10:11]  Like, she's paralyzed from waist down, but it goes so far she feels it.
[00:10:14]  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:10:17]  Anybody want to take that test?
[00:10:18]  That's a hell of a litmus test.
[00:10:20]  Andrew Santino, bring that big old fucking dick to the special Olympics and give these girls feeling again.
[00:10:26]  Give them something special.
[00:10:28]  Yo, imagine you go so deep.
[00:10:30]  Yeah.
[00:10:30]  It goes to the feeling.
[00:10:32]  Yo, bro.
[00:10:33]  They feel nothing on lips, labia, clitoris.
[00:10:36]  Son, in here, are people paralyzed from the waist down?
[00:10:41]  Do they have more feeling from the waist up than a normal person?
[00:10:46]  The same way you're deaf so you see better.
[00:10:50]  You know what I mean?
[00:10:52]  You mean like how retards are kinder and stronger?
[00:10:57]  Like they can't do calculus, but they make up for calculus by just by being so fucking kind and strong.
[00:11:06]  Like, I don't know how to, like, I don't know how to do the math to build that house, but I'll just match this wood together until that shit is built, babe.
[00:11:15]  If you move it, I can just lift your fucking house off its foundation.
[00:11:18]  Take it where you want to go.
[00:11:19]  You see a house being moved and you're like, man, four retards just lifted that shit up.
[00:11:23]  We need a retard powerlifting competition.
[00:11:26]  Son.
[00:11:26]  Oh, that would be amazing.
[00:11:28]  How is that not in the Special Olympics?
[00:11:31]  Yo, bro.
[00:11:32]  That would be amazing.
[00:11:33]  Or just a retard handshake competition, right?
[00:11:36]  So you just get non-tards, right?
[00:11:38]  You have non-tards and tards, and then the non-tards just go, hello, nice to meet you, right?
[00:11:43]  And then they shake your hand, and then you judge afterwards by the imprint left in your hands.
[00:11:52]  It might be the first time when somebody pretends to eat the metal that they actually eat the metal.
[00:11:59]  Dude, they bite it.
[00:12:02]  It's like, where's the chocolate?
[00:12:10]  Yo, what's up?
[00:12:11]  This is Akash.
[00:12:12]  That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
[00:12:14]  If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com/slash flagrant2.
[00:12:19]  Join the illest community on earth.
[00:12:21]  Unless you're a social justice lawyer, then you're just gonna ruin the fun.