Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - How To Slut Whisper w/ Kirill
Aired: 2020-02-07
Duration: 12:51


=== Gravy Party at the Club (06:39) ===

[00:00:04]  Now, when you're pouring these things on fat girls, do you catch them eating them ever?
[00:00:10]  Bro, do you know how hungry I am at the club?
[00:00:11]  Like, someone brought me gravy.
[00:00:13]  Were you there, right?
[00:00:14]  Was a gravy party Thanksgiving with you?
[00:00:16]  And then we're having a fat girl.
[00:00:16]  Someone brought me gravy, and I was like, I don't even want to pour this.
[00:00:19]  I started, like, I was like, I'm starving.
[00:00:20]  And I was like drinking the gravy at the party.
[00:00:23]  That's more disgusting than pouring something on a fat woman.
[00:00:27]  Did you try it?
[00:00:29]  I can eat like a peasant any day of the week.
[00:00:33]  Yeah.
[00:00:34]  Have you ever tried pouring that on a fat girl, though?
[00:00:37]  What?
[00:00:37]  Gravy?
[00:00:38]  Yes.
[00:00:38]  Yeah.
[00:00:39]  I poured it on her, but I also.
[00:00:40]  What anoys do they make?
[00:00:47]  So I know that the clubs know what they're signing up for when they have you come through.
[00:00:51]  Not always.
[00:00:52]  Oh, really?
[00:00:53]  Yeah, because there's a lot of outside promoters and then the club finds out what they booked.
[00:00:57]  And it's just like, either I've gotten canceled.
[00:01:00]  I've had like, I love any press for this shit because it's got to be good for me.
[00:01:06]  Dude, anytime I get a party shut down, it's, hey, thank God.
[00:01:08]  I still get paid.
[00:01:09]  I don't have to go to that shitty town and I've got a press article.
[00:01:12]  It's always Canada.
[00:01:12]  Always Canada.
[00:01:14]  They one time printed Slut Whisper banned in Halifax in a newspaper.
[00:01:17]  I'm like, can you just send me that?
[00:01:18]  Oh, that's just like, that's like an.
[00:01:21]  Why were you banned?
[00:01:24]  Because I treat women like shit.
[00:01:27]  And I'm a misogynist.
[00:01:28]  Halifax is a bunch of fucking fathers who leave their wives.
[00:01:31]  Like, what are they talking about?
[00:01:32]  Wait, is it?
[00:01:33]  Yeah, that's what Nate McIntosh told me.
[00:01:34]  He's from Halifax.
[00:01:35]  Yeah, they also fucking redneck.
[00:01:37]  They're all down Canadian.
[00:01:38]  They're all town is just father.
[00:01:39]  They're Hillbillies.
[00:01:40]  Wherever he grew up, I think it's Halifax, Nova Scotia, right?
[00:01:42]  They're Hillbillies.
[00:01:43]  It's just a bunch of fucking, all my friends had no father growing up.
[00:01:46]  A bunch of no dad having ass kids.
[00:01:48]  Really?
[00:01:48]  Yeah.
[00:01:49]  That's what they get from me.
[00:01:49]  Maybe that's why they're in their own time zone, too.
[00:01:52]  Oh, really?
[00:01:52]  They're the only time zone 30 minutes ahead of New York.
[00:01:54]  Wow.
[00:01:55]  They just did 30 minutes.
[00:01:56]  They would do that.
[00:01:56]  They knew the fucking 30 minutes.
[00:01:58]  Yeah, they're like, we're ready to go.
[00:01:58]  You got to get away from your fat wife.
[00:02:01]  I'll be there anyway.
[00:02:02]  I'll be the answer.
[00:02:07]  Do you have some couples coming?
[00:02:09]  Yeah.
[00:02:11]  Wow.
[00:02:11]  I mean, the wildest story is the fucking Hoboken story.
[00:02:14]  Wait, what happened in Hoboken?
[00:02:16]  That's why I almost lost my entire career before Slut Whisperer.
[00:02:18]  Whoa, go, go, I listen to this party in Hoboken.
[00:02:23]  Can you just send us voice notes as you think of crazier stories?
[00:02:27]  Next week, you're going to be like, yeah, you know what else?
[00:02:29]  Yeah, I have like PTSD.
[00:02:31]  I'm like, oh, shit, that happened.
[00:02:32]  I forgot.
[00:02:32]  I'm triggering it.
[00:02:32]  Okay, go.
[00:02:33]  To this party in Hoboken, easiest party I've ever done.
[00:02:36]  It's fucking 10 minutes from my house.
[00:02:38]  Sports part.
[00:02:39]  Tons of hot jersey girls.
[00:02:41]  Fucking, it's great.
[00:02:43]  Very slept on place.
[00:02:44]  It's fucking, it used to be good.
[00:02:46]  Not anymore.
[00:02:47]  Not after this night.
[00:02:48]  Like, this dude comes over and he's just a little like, you know, when the guy just shakes your hand a little, like, you're like, yeah, like, bro, I don't, you know, you're fine.
[00:02:56]  You could be the alpha in this situation.
[00:02:58]  Like, and he's like, it's my wife.
[00:03:00]  Can we do some shots?
[00:03:01]  And I'm like, all right, this guy's already too aggressive.
[00:03:04]  And he's at the table.
[00:03:05]  I'm like, fine, take some shots and I'll see you later.
[00:03:07]  He's like, my wife wants champagne.
[00:03:09]  I'm like, it's 9.30, sir.
[00:03:10]  Like, we're going to get to it.
[00:03:12]  Party gets fucking cracking.
[00:03:14]  Everything's good.
[00:03:15]  I stand up on the bar because like girls will jump up there and we'll pour champagne.
[00:03:19]  It's just like everyone can watch.
[00:03:21]  It's a sports bar.
[00:03:23]  This dude like clears the crowd, picks up his wife and throws her on the bar.
[00:03:30]  That's odd offer.
[00:03:32]  Takes off her clothes.
[00:03:33]  She takes off half her clothes and he starts fingering her.
[00:03:37]  Like you're a customer waiting.
[00:03:39]  You're a bartender.
[00:03:41]  She's right here, legs spread in front of you.
[00:03:43]  And you're like, all of this is happening.
[00:03:46]  And it's Hoboken, right?
[00:03:47]  Probably 50% of my fans and 50% are just like wandered into a bar in Hoboken and they're like, what did I just walk into?
[00:03:54]  Like Club shut down the next day.
[00:04:00]  Lost their liquor license, everything.
[00:04:02]  The mayor of the town said it was an abomination to human decency.
[00:04:07]  I mean, I was like, my career's over, right?
[00:04:09]  Wait, my career's over because the article the next day, sexual assault at New Jersey nightclub.
[00:04:16]  Oh, boy.
[00:04:17]  Did it say was it subheading Kerrill was here?
[00:04:19]  It was, I was in the article.
[00:04:21]  A Korill's Korill was a slot whisper party.
[00:04:23]  I don't think they mentioned my name yet.
[00:04:24]  It's all like, I'm like, all right.
[00:04:26]  I got to go in hiding.
[00:04:27]  What's going on?
[00:04:28]  It gets bad when my mom's like, why'd I hear your name on 1010 wins?
[00:04:32]  Whoa.
[00:04:32]  Oh, shit.
[00:04:33]  Yeah.
[00:04:33]  And she's like, she's like, Corrille, you know, I have like a real job.
[00:04:37]  Like, I don't need people coming in and be like, we heard your son's name on 10.
[00:04:41]  Luckily, I had to sit on the information for so long because it was like.
[00:04:47]  Litigation and stuff?
[00:04:49]  No.
[00:04:49]  It's like I knew shit that no one else knew, but I wasn't going to speak out until it came out on its own.
[00:04:54]  Finally came out.
[00:04:55]  They were married.
[00:04:57]  So the sexual assault shit kind of went away, right?
[00:05:00]  It kind of became not like some guy fingered a random girl.
[00:05:03]  It's like, all right, married couple out of hand.
[00:05:05]  And then the thing that saved me and erased me from all of the stories is cop from Pennsylvania.
[00:05:11]  Whoa.
[00:05:12]  And it instantly became like indecent cop.
[00:05:15]  This is how they're acting.
[00:05:16]  Morals.
[00:05:17]  My name's gone.
[00:05:18]  It's not like, what did Korille do?
[00:05:19]  It's kind of like, hey, like, shit happened.
[00:05:22]  Dude, I had a party in Canada and this kid's like, I was too young.
[00:05:26]  I forgot.
[00:05:26]  I just remember.
[00:05:28]  I'm honestly so disappointed with what you think crazy is.
[00:05:30]  It was blue food coloring.
[00:05:35]  No, but like it's St. Patrick's.
[00:05:37]  I got a shitty memory.
[00:05:40]  I got a shitty memory.
[00:05:41]  Why didn't you just pour yellow food coloring and just make the green?
[00:05:44]  It was shit fisted.
[00:05:45]  Probably should have done that.
[00:05:46]  Just mix the two.
[00:05:48]  I also feel gay and knows how to make green out of food color.
[00:05:51]  Everybody, that's like the first time I've seen it.
[00:05:53]  I've seen you in like first grade.
[00:05:55]  Thank you for deflecting the roast.
[00:05:59]  I appreciate it.
[00:06:00]  Did you just tell us how to make green out of colors, bro?
[00:06:03]  That's the first thing you want.
[00:06:04]  You will pay for pussy.
[00:06:05]  Will you pay for dicks and buttholes for the guys?
[00:06:09]  Every day.
[00:06:10]  Shit.
[00:06:10]  He probably learned that in a painting class where he took a big pick of fucker.
[00:06:15]  Okay, go on.
[00:06:17]  Tampons.
[00:06:18]  Tampons.
[00:06:18]  So he pulled this tampon.
[00:06:20]  So I was at dinner with a bunch of fangirls because I'm like, if it's a shitty town, I don't know anyone.
[00:06:25]  And people would DM me like, hey, we're going to pregame.
[00:06:27]  I'm like, fuck it.
[00:06:28]  Let's go see how the locals do it.
[00:06:30]  And I went drinking with these girls and one of them.
[00:06:33]  We're working on red lobsters?
[00:06:34]  Dude, I don't even know.
[00:06:35]  It was in Canada.
[00:06:36]  So it's 18, a drinker, 19, a drink.
[00:06:38]  And this kid runs up to me on the street outside the club.
[00:06:41]  He's like, I just want to make it on your story.

=== Deflecting Roasts and Paying Up (06:08) ===

[00:06:43]  And I can't get in.
[00:06:45]  Is there something we can do?
[00:06:46]  And the girls I was with, one of them at dinner mentioned she was on a period.
[00:06:50]  And I was like, will you lick her bloody tampon?
[00:06:53]  And she took it out in the parking lot and he sucked on it.
[00:06:57]  You like that suck on it.
[00:06:59]  I have the video.
[00:07:00]  Show us.
[00:07:01]  Now I don't have it in front of me, but I will get it to you.
[00:07:03]  Oh my God.
[00:07:04]  Yeah.
[00:07:05]  Put that on the paper.
[00:07:06]  That's so much fun.
[00:07:07]  Like being able, that to me is way more fun than like the party because getting people to do dumb shit is hilarious.
[00:07:13]  Now, what I need to understand is how they put up with your lifestyle or how you put up with their reaction to your lifestyle.
[00:07:27]  Well, it's not easy to have a history of failed relationships.
[00:07:31]  So it obviously didn't work out.
[00:07:33]  It's hard for comics to explain their lifestyle.
[00:07:35]  Yeah.
[00:07:35]  The girls.
[00:07:36]  Really difficult.
[00:07:37]  We're out late and we're telling jokes.
[00:07:40]  We're not pouring like Thanksgiving beverages on right.
[00:07:44]  I mean, in the end, it was always like, hey, let's pay for all the nice things you have here.
[00:07:50]  So why don't we just like relax?
[00:07:52]  Like this is this is the job.
[00:07:53]  Like you knew what you were getting into, right?
[00:07:55]  Like I don't really like surprise you with it.
[00:07:57]  That works kind of like a girlfriend.
[00:07:59]  You knew what you were getting into?
[00:08:00]  That line works.
[00:08:01]  That line really works.
[00:08:03]  You say that line, and then they go, I did know.
[00:08:05]  For what I do for a living?
[00:08:06]  Yeah.
[00:08:07]  That works.
[00:08:07]  Okay.
[00:08:07]  Yeah, that's good to know.
[00:08:09]  I mean, but like, does that, I mean, that works?
[00:08:13]  That line works?
[00:08:14]  That works for you?
[00:08:15]  You knew what you were getting into?
[00:08:16]  Every line works for me.
[00:08:20]  Let me tell you something.
[00:08:21]  Do you know how much you knew what you were getting into?
[00:08:26]  What?
[00:08:27]  That doesn't work.
[00:08:28]  Do you know what my girlfriend says to me?
[00:08:29]  What if she says, when you not pour champagne on girls tonight and be like, what do you want me to do?
[00:08:34]  Let me tell you something.
[00:08:36]  They say things.
[00:08:37]  They say things like that.
[00:08:38]  Oh, I know.
[00:08:39]  And then I go, you knew what you were getting into.
[00:08:42]  I say that once.
[00:08:43]  And then my girl said this to me once.
[00:08:45]  She's like, oh, did I?
[00:08:47]  I didn't know that when you put your arm around me when we were sleeping, it would smell like shit because you were just scratching your butthole.
[00:08:55]  I don't know how to embody it.
[00:08:58]  She said, basically saying, I signed up for something else that I signed up for things I didn't know that I signed up for.
[00:09:03]  Yeah, but you can wash your hands.
[00:09:05]  I still need to pay bills.
[00:09:07]  Yeah.
[00:09:07]  But she knew she was, she didn't know that, but she knew she was dating a comic.
[00:09:11]  I was scratching my ass, to be fair.
[00:09:13]  I just didn't think that she would smell it when I put my hand around.
[00:09:16]  Is that what the fight is about?
[00:09:17]  What?
[00:09:17]  Is that what the fight is?
[00:09:18]  That's not.
[00:09:19]  If you're in the argument to that was you knew what you signed up for, like, yeah, you should have lost that one.
[00:09:22]  Okay.
[00:09:23]  You can't smell like shit, babe.
[00:09:24]  You know what I signed up for?
[00:09:26]  I don't think they smell like shit.
[00:09:27]  I did not think that they smell like shit.
[00:09:29]  I did like a little, like, I went like this and I said, your shit smells good.
[00:09:33]  Maybe to me.
[00:09:34]  Yeah, that's the point.
[00:09:35]  Yeah, but she claims it woke her up.
[00:09:38]  She claims that I went to cover that in the middle.
[00:09:42]  This is the fight she wanted to have, and she started about your career so that you would get you to wash your hands.
[00:09:47]  And you know what?
[00:09:47]  She's right about washing my hands.
[00:09:48]  And I felt like I should have washed them.
[00:09:50]  And I did agree with her on that.
[00:09:51]  Yeah.
[00:09:52]  See, if you turn this into a bit, then you could be, hey, this is for work, honey.
[00:09:56]  You're welcome.
[00:09:57]  Right.
[00:09:57]  You should have turned and be like, honey, this is, I'm just going for material here.
[00:10:00]  But here's the thing that Akash pointed out so beautifully: is that our lifestyle can often be difficult to communicate, right?
[00:10:07]  Yes.
[00:10:08]  Babe, I got to go to Honolulu with the boys this weekend.
[00:10:11]  You can't come because you have work.
[00:10:14]  I would love you to be there.
[00:10:15]  That's difficult, et cetera.
[00:10:17]  We get through it.
[00:10:19]  You are doing things that no girl would ever accept.
[00:10:23]  Right.
[00:10:24]  And then you just say, you just say, what did you say?
[00:10:26]  What was the line?
[00:10:27]  You knew what you were getting into.
[00:10:28]  You knew what you were getting into.
[00:10:29]  And then you want me to believe that a woman, a woman with a woman's brain and she's Greek.
[00:10:38]  She's Greek, right?
[00:10:39]  She's a nut.
[00:10:39]  Your girl's Greek.
[00:10:42]  Get the fuck out of here, Corrill.
[00:10:44]  You want me to believe that a Mediterranean Greek woman, here's you go, you knew what you were signing up for.
[00:10:50]  And then she goes, you're right.
[00:10:52]  I didn't think about it like that.
[00:10:55]  Yeah, Corrille.
[00:10:57]  I should have thought about it like that.
[00:11:00]  And then I would have understood it.
[00:11:02]  Thanks for clearing that up.
[00:11:03]  It kind of goes like that.
[00:11:04]  That's how it goes.
[00:11:05]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:11:06]  And then what do they do?
[00:11:07]  They just go, what?
[00:11:08]  They go back to bed?
[00:11:09]  Yeah, we're fine.
[00:11:10]  Hey, everything's good.
[00:11:11]  Hey.
[00:11:12]  Hey, girl, can you give me a little reminder?
[00:11:14]  What do you want me to do?
[00:11:15]  You knew I poured champagne.
[00:11:16]  Yeah.
[00:11:17]  You don't have this argument?
[00:11:18]  Yeah.
[00:11:18]  You're my girlfriend?
[00:11:19]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:11:20]  You be the one.
[00:11:22]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:11:23]  Okay.
[00:11:23]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:11:24]  When did you meet me?
[00:11:25]  What?
[00:11:25]  Three years ago?
[00:11:26]  I met you three years ago.
[00:11:27]  That's the height of all of this, right?
[00:11:28]  The height of all of it.
[00:11:29]  What did you want to think?
[00:11:29]  I was going to stop.
[00:11:30]  I also thought you were going to keep more of your hair.
[00:11:36]  Yeah, I thought so too.
[00:11:38]  This is your fault.
[00:11:39]  Why is it my fault?
[00:11:40]  Because you're fucking giving me shit about my job.
[00:11:42]  I'm not giving a shit about your job.
[00:11:44]  When we met, you didn't say that you love me.
[00:11:47]  And you didn't say you want to share a studio apartment with me in Los Angeles along with a nice apartment in New York City.
[00:11:55]  Yeah.
[00:11:55]  How do you think I pay for that?
[00:11:57]  Buy selling shirts online and other merchandise, not pouring champagne on sluts and whores and hussies.
[00:12:10]  I don't know.
[00:12:11]  I dare you to tell me what's in line again.
[00:12:14]  You knew who he signed up for.
[00:12:16]  I dare you to tell me that, Kirill.
[00:12:19]  I dare you.
[00:12:20]  And then I would just leave and go, I got to go to work and pour champagne on whores.
[00:12:24]  So you would, you'll just leave in order.
[00:12:25]  I have to go to work.
[00:12:27]  I feel like this is an argument that happens once every three years.
[00:12:29]  Yeah.
[00:12:30]  And that's it.
[00:12:30]  And then that's it.
[00:12:32]  That's it.
[00:12:32]  It's all good.
[00:12:33]  It looks so good.
[00:12:37]  Yo, what's up?
[00:12:38]  This is Akash.
[00:12:39]  That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
[00:12:41]  If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrantrue.
[00:12:46]  Join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice warrior.
[00:12:50]  Then you're just going to ruin the fun.