Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect a dog's parasite-induced diarrhea to declare veterinarians useless, then pivot to contrasting combat veterans with benefit collectors. They debate spelling bee racial dynamics, recount an Apple Store false rape accusation linked to white culture, and mock the wedding industry while planning an exclusive London ceremony. Ultimately, the episode satirizes social justice warriors through a Patreon promotion, framing these grievances as a cohesive critique of modern societal norms. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Vets Smell Your Bullshit00:14:31
Vets are useless.
I really, let's go.
Are we started?
We're already started.
Hot conscious dog is dying.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
No, it's not even dying.
It has diarrhea.
Okay.
Yeah.
And you could kill a dog, though.
It's a parasite, probably.
It's a what?
Parasite.
Your dog is.
No, no.
I'm trying to understand.
So animals get sick?
You think that they can understand English?
Dogs?
No.
It'd be really funny if they could because you'd be calling him happy and he's just dying right now.
And it's like this motherfucker.
You could have named me anything else.
You can name me Cloudy.
They could have named me Sunshine.
I can't be named IT.
That's a lot of pressure.
I'm not going to die decent.
You couldn't call me decent.
That's a lot of pressure for a dog, man.
But okay, so let's start it out flagrant thought of the week.
My flagrant thought of the week is I think veterinarian, what are they called?
Veterinarians are useless.
Yeah.
I don't even like that they're short for that vets is short because then like veteran and Veterans a Vietnam vet, that's meaningful.
Right.
Right?
Flagrant Thought of the Week over here.
So me.
I'll follow all my fucking thoughts.
Okay, good.
Vets?
I can't wait to hear your take on this one.
Because when China invades, you can be like, well, we were all the vets.
I was not everyone's gang members, but they just levels.
There's levels to being a veteran, bro.
Yo, Kaz's inconsistencies.
We need to do a topic.
Everyone.
Love us to veterans, though.
Bullshit takes levels to veterans.
I don't really understand the bloods in the crypts, bro.
They do a lot for the community.
Yo, there's motherfuckers that call themselves veterans that receive drugs.
I mean, like, they really help out.
There's people on the field.
There's people that work in the kitchen.
There's people that, like, really don't enter in combat ever.
They just got to collect all the benefits and all that shit.
They call themselves veterans.
Like, are you going to get the same veteran that really sat there all day, all fucking short?
If you're in the kitchen in Afghanistan, you got my like, you got a sex son.
Great talk.
You want a fucking submarine?
Good piece of money.
I'm not saying not respecting them.
Submarine.
Yeah, dude.
Like, no, no, no.
All right, so you don't respect a vet that's a veteran?
Because they have dogs.
They have like, you know, attack special dogs that have to be treated that go in and sniff out bombs and shit like that.
So they don't get respect.
I respect that dog more than that vet.
Why, though?
Like, I respect that responsibility.
You have to be trained.
I respect the dog that sniffs out the bomb.
I mean, that's valid.
Yeah, more than the vet that sniffs out the dog.
It doesn't seem to sniff out the bomb.
They don't just come out the womb knowing that they're not.
They don't smell.
That's what they do.
They come out of the living room.
Do you never had a dog?
You have a dog, yes.
You realize it smells shit.
Of course.
It smells everything.
So boom.
It smells everything.
Smell.
They're not going to.
You got to train the dog to know what hell.
You're going to be a fucking trainer.
You smell the bomb, then you give it a treat, and then you go, you want a treat?
Go find a fucking bomb.
That's not that easy.
That's how it works.
It's not that easy.
Dude, why do you think they keep walking on landmines?
You see how they sniff everything?
Why do you think they keep walking on landmines still in Asia?
Because they ate all the fucking dogs so they can't smell any of those landmines that were late.
So dogs are valuable.
They smell everything.
They're valuable.
They're more valuable than vet terrinarians.
But here's the thing.
You just said they sniff everything, which means they'll eat anything.
See, they can smell your bullshit.
Those vets have to treat those dogs.
Back to veterinarians.
Doctor uses veterinarians.
That's what I'm saying.
Do you really believe?
You really truly believe.
Veterinarians make me not respect doctors, bro.
Because if you're telling me this, you're telling me there's no specialization whatsoever.
Like, you could be a veterinarian, and someone brings you a dog, and you're like, fix this dog.
You're like, all right, I got you.
Put him under.
Let's do some surgery.
Yeah, I see where you're going.
And it's valid.
And then they bring you a gray, white shark.
Yeah.
And they're like, hey, fix this gray-white shark.
Yeah, yeah.
And you know how gray-white sharks work?
I think there's fixed gray white sharks.
By the way, I'm not wearing underwear today, so anything could happen.
I just want to let you know.
I don't know how that coral.
I'm going to let you know it's dick on G.
It's dick on G. I'll be a damn tip tonight.
I'm a little your attention.
It's a little red.
It's a little red.
So my point is, there's no way you really know how all the animals work, right?
But here's the thing.
Also, my phone is better than yours.
Anyway, go on.
I got the new yesterday.
I got the news.
Because I didn't want a year of Andrew having a better phone than me and that.
Fucking Tyler.
Dick on G, motherfucker.
I ain't play no games.
That shit is gone.
You got that rose going?
That's all who was left.
Come on, dog.
I really got to tell people I got a case to cover the most of it.
Bro, I got that green shit coming.
The green shit is coming.
I got that green shit to hide.
You know what I'm saying?
Veterinarians in this bitch.
No!
No!
Yo, all I'm saying is, you don't think it's a little bullshit?
You don't think it's a little bit bullshit they know how to fix every animal?
That's valid.
You know, you got people that are doctors, right?
Your uncle, doctor.
Yeah.
What type of doctor?
Everybody?
If you don't know how to fix Asians.
If you bring an Asian to your uncle and say, hey, man, Asians are so broken emotionally that you got to deal with this.
We need a China on this.
We really round out the rainbow.
Jesus.
Okay, but go, but go.
Going hard for me.
So it's like, if you go to.
What?
Just because we talk about the vets?
I mean, shit.
It's not like we don't need Asians.
They're not like 4 billion people.
How come she's an Asian?
And there's one of our Asians and their Asians.
Oh, y'all smoke.
Yo, what the fuck?
I think we had to smoke and it's called the spelling beat.
Stop saying other Asians.
Oh, shit.
Fuck out of here.
Take that shit home.
We let a white bitch win before you.
Wait, a white girl won the spelling?
Last year it was a tie.
They like ran out of words.
Builds like a 13-away tie.
12 Indians and this white bitch out.
I'm going to be honest.
We should have just gone until she was eliminated.
I didn't like that she made it.
I'm going to keep it a full stack.
This little 13-year-old white bitch.
That's a bad precedent.
That's a white girl tied to Indians in the spelling beat.
Yeah.
This is mind-boggling to me.
That's how much bitches like to talk.
Jesus Christ.
Yo, real talk.
Your eyes Alex, God damn.
I can't replace on her.
I'm the one.
I be the one.
Listen, the girl talk.
You know you'd be on the phone with her like this.
Like, yeah.
Spell anti-disestablishment series.
Anti-disestablishment.
So good.
Keep going.
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah, you got that one.
You got that.
You guys see Alex's FaceTime posture.
It looks like he's hiding from these bitches while he's being hit.
Hang on.
He's not hiding from the bitches.
He's hiding from you.
I'm in my back trying to be on the mow and shit.
He's all in my face.
Get out of my face, huh?
Hold on.
Get out of my face.
Can we just say one thing?
This is very important.
Let's just get back to this point.
Your uncle.
Okay.
So here's what I just did not go.
Please tell me.
Because I'm fucking.
You feel that?
That's butthole on G. That's butthole on the thread.
It's on the fucking stitching.
I just fell out of the stitch.
What?
I haven't been home yet.
Oh.
I haven't been home yet.
I'm out here working, bro.
I'm not even working this way.
That's all I'm saying.
I've also been at home.
I know.
I haven't been at home yet.
Some of us take our sweet time napping.
Do you know what I mean?
Did you take a whole bath?
You took a whole bath?
I took a shower.
Take a shower.
Take a shower.
Oh, you got to get out of the shower.
I got a lot of flavor thoughts this week.
I got to show the Patreon.
How the fuck Asians can pronounce the same word five different ways?
You know how, like, like, like, but if you go, no, I don't know.
Like, they have tones.
There are five different tones for sounds to each make a different word.
So they have 20,000 characters, right?
Five different tones for each one.
That's 100,000 things.
Yeah.
But R.
I mean, American is so tricky, dog.
Why that shit is so tricky?
Why can't it just be one of the sounds?
Like, these people are magicians when it comes to speaking.
They got all the sounds.
I'm wrong.
You're right.
You remember in Australia, we ate at the Chinese restaurant and they were taking a picture of us?
Yeah.
So the waiter decides to take the picture.
Son, before he got to three, I just started dying because I knew Team Three was coming.
He knew he was going to.
I just started dying.
Son, there's a picture somewhere in my tag photos of Al not being able to hold it together.
Both of us are crying loud.
No, no, he was talking about.
He was couching out loud.
Yeah, yeah.
He would go.
He had the phone.
He'd go, he'll go, Fadi.
Here's a rap.
There's a rap.
I was done.
But that's not peculiar.
You don't think that's a conspiracy?
I mean, it is peculiar.
You got 20,000 characters and none of them are R. Son, 20,000.
Look at Al.
This is Al laughing at the guy's face as he counts.
He's laughing in his face as he counts, bro.
That shit is.
Post it on the Patreon page.
I'll send it over.
All I'm saying is that, just give me the math of this.
Give me the math of this.
That shit is great.
You know, people call that the pink one, right?
Yeah, that shit is pink, son.
Yeah, it's pink.
That shit is rosé.
They'll take the case.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Back to these veterinarians, bro.
That ain't shit.
Can you explain two things to me?
So far, I need two shots.
We talk about my uncle.
Somebody comes and visits him, just a general.
Hey, here's what's wrong with me.
And if it's out of his field of expertise, he says, I'll send you to this expert.
And that's how you know veterinarians, veterinarians, are bullshit because they ain't never turned down an animal.
How do you know?
You think a veterinarian, if you bring a hippopotami into the fucking place, okay, and you go, listen, my hippopotami has come down with a mysterious illness.
You think the veterinarian, I don't know how to say that shit.
You think the veterinarian is a veterinarian?
Veterinarian.
There's an R there.
Veterinarian.
You think a veterinarian is going to go, oh, we don't take hippopotami.
No, I think they'll look and see if it's a general issue because they know like mammals or whatever.
And then they'll say, you know what?
There's an expert in hippopotami and rhinoceros and the like, and I'll send her in.
And they'll give her a lawyer.
You're telling me there's a hippopotamina and a veterinarian, hippopotamus veterinarian.
Quite possibly an expert.
I don't know.
But you don't know.
Because I always want your money.
Dogs, G.
They want your money and they're going to lie to you about your pet so they could take your money.
Have you read reviews on Yelp?
I can't talk.
You sound like an anti-vaccine.
G. What the fuck is going on right now?
Wait, wait till you see the bill for your dogs, huh?
It's insured.
Insured, all covered.
Got dog insurance?
Yeah, but you don't got your insurance.
Dog eye insurance.
I don't.
You're white, son.
No, that is some white shit.
That's why these white bitches taking on the spelling because Indians became white.
Son, that's you might be right.
Yo, now that disappointed me, bro.
I love this dog.
He broke my heart.
Yo, the dog gets sick.
That's a problem.
I get sick.
He got fan.
Nobody cares.
That's a problem if the dog gets sick.
You don't see how many other dogs look just like your dog?
Not out, bro.
You tripping.
That's because you don't love nothing.
I do.
I love meat.
I can't replace me.
What are we going to do if I go?
But your dog, you don't think I could switch out your dog?
And within a week, you realize that you got the same dog?
100% out of realize I got the same dog.
Let's play a little game.
Let's play that game.
Okay.
Let's play that game.
What type of dog you got?
White maltese.
Got a white man.
Is that the name of your dog?
You think that veterinarians fix insects?
You think if you brought...
Who gives a fuck?
My premise.
My premise gives a fuck.
You don't got to cut the legs out the premise.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm just out here trying to prove a point.
You know what I'm saying?
That's it.
I mean, just keeping it flagrant on the pastry on.
You know what I mean?
It's a great shirt you got on, I cost you.
Thank you, Legendary.
Thank you, G.
But yeah, so do you think that if I brought in a cockroach, right?
Right.
You think it a vetting, these money-grubbing pieces of garbage, you don't think that they would fix my cockroach?
If I brought in a cockroach, they would try.
They would fucking try.
They're the same as the baristas with the cream.
Just fucking sleep.
I can see it in their face.
Like, you did some shit or something cold.
I can tell.
Like, seriously, around 9:30, woke up at one.
Like, it's going to be a long day.
It's going to be a long day.
Oh, man.
God damn.
Andrew coming in raw like his dick right now.
Son, you right, bro.
I'm more worried about my butthole.
Irritated and raw.
Irritated and raw.
Okay, so that was my flagrant thought of the week.
I think that we all agree.
Veterinarians are bullshit.
The Gay iPhone Story00:07:08
I hope you don't agree.
I mean, I obviously don't, but you're with it.
I don't want to cut the premise out again.
You could disagree.
Okay, I disagree.
You know what I mean?
But now you give your reasons for disagreeing.
I don't know what you do.
Get sick, they have dogs.
The business model would have broken down by now.
Son, son, son.
I mean, you got to do it.
You know what they do, son?
You know what they do with your dog when you bring it in?
They switch it out.
They switch it out.
They switch it out, bro.
It's like a Tesla motor, bro.
That sort of battery, whatever it is.
They just give you a new one, bro.
They give you a new one.
Your dog ain't going to be your dog.
All right.
I'm being serious.
Seriously, I'll be sitting in the room with it.
That's what you think.
That's what you think.
They take the little fucking bracelet off or whatever that shit is, the necklace.
What's it called?
Collar.
Collar.
They take the collar off.
They take that collar off.
They put it in.
And they go, hey, your name's Happy Now.
Your name's Happy.
And that new dog.
And my dog's been dead.
Many dogs.
It's like shamoo.
You don't think this weird shamoo been around for 200 years?
You think maybe they switched up shammoos a little bit?
In different parts, yeah, for sure.
They got six shamus.
Yeah, for sure.
They got shamoo in in Japan.
All right, right, right.
Shamu?
Shamu.
They do got that one.
They got a shamu in Mexico City.
Chamu.
Okay.
Chamu.
Tamu.
Shamu in Nigeria.
They got the... Shamu.
Man, they got a shamu.
All I'm saying is, you're getting a brand new happy, bro.
Be happy.
A 2020 happy.
You didn't take 2020 happy.
You got the new model, bro.
All the upgrades, everything.
Like my iPhone.
It's got GPS.
You know what I'm saying?
Real talk.
You know, it's funny.
A lot of people, I think, think I'm gay for having my dog.
And a lot of people think.
Yo, y'all going to stop slandering my new iPhone.
Let me show y'all.
I've had that for many years.
No, one year.
One year.
And honestly, now that you guys are talking shit, maybe three.
That right there is class.
Yo, stop hand.
Stop hand, Siri.
She knows how gay she is.
Listen.
She's here.
She's queer.
Real talk.
That right there is elegance, bro.
That right there is elegance.
That shit is gay, bro.
Your shit is a forest.
Your green shit?
I was thinking about getting a green.
I was thinking about getting a green.
Yeah, but you didn't want to wait for the straight colors.
I didn't want to wait for them.
I didn't want to wait.
You went into the store?
What?
You went into the store, you pre-ordered.
No, I went into the store.
Because when I looked online, they said no stores had anymore.
Yeah, I know.
But then I got the Kinect.
I got my people.
That's why I got the gay color.
Yeah, yo, 100%.
Can I tell y'all something?
Because y'all might be onto something.
Can I tell y'all something?
Y'all might be onto something with this gay shit.
Can I tell y'all something?
I'm buying my iPhone, right?
This is 100% true story that happened to me yesterday in my life.
Yeah.
I'm buying my iPhone.
It's a lengthy process to buy an iPhone.
Oh, boy, isn't it?
I go to buy my iPhone.
Finally, we agree on it.
We're going through all those fucking measures of putting a card in, everything like that.
I get my case.
All of a sudden, this guy comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder.
He goes, hey, can you stop trying to rape me?
What?
I go, what?
He goes, stop trying to rape me.
It's wrong.
It's wrong to rape somebody.
Stop trying to fuck me in my ass.
Stop.
I go, I go, all right, buddy.
You have a good day.
He goes, no, you need to stop trying to fuck me in my ass.
It's wrong to fuck people in their ass.
That's rape.
He's screaming this in the Apple store.
I go, yo, you have a good day.
You have a good day, man.
He walks away.
I think the gold iPhone got something to do with it, man.
100%.
That's the story.
That's the whole thing.
That's a real story.
I wish you cut the legs off that person.
I can't think of that.
I was like, I'm not doing it again, K-Prince.
Guys, guys, I wish I had a punchline for this.
This is a real story.
What I'm doing on my life.
I'm whipped there.
Me, my girl, the guy selling the iPhone.
A crazy guy walks out of the bathroom in the Prince Street Apple store in Soho.
There's some crazy people.
I didn't realize he was crazy until the second time he said it.
Well, what's he said?
What's his prince trial?
I was like, oh, okay.
Dead ass.
Look to me, taxing.
Now, when I was in Australia, sometimes people say weird shit to you after shows.
Like, they take a picture.
They just want to make you laugh.
And they'll reference jokes of yours.
They'll be like, they'll be like, you know, I'd like you to eat my ass the way you talk about eating ass.
They just say dumb shit.
Yeah, to try to stick out.
Trying to stick out so you remember them, et cetera.
But it's their way of just kind of connecting shit.
Riches, the riches.
Yeah, that's it.
Okay, gotcha.
Says, uh, so our guy says, Uh, stop trying to butt fuck me.
I think that's what he started with.
But me, he's like, You need to stop trying to fuck me in the ass.
So, I turned over and I was like, I was like, All right, it's kind of corny joke, but what's up, man?
He goes, No, seriously, you need to stop trying to me in my ass.
That's rape.
You need to stop trying to fuck me in my ass.
And the iPhone guy looking at me, like, yo, do you know him?
I got my girl right there.
Like, she's like, What's up?
Like, so she definitely looked at me.
She was looking at you guys.
Yeah.
What the fuck happened in Australia?
So, I swear to God, this thing happened.
And I have no, I, I, it, honestly, it's so weird.
Yeah.
And in that moment, I, by the second time, I looked at the guy and I was like, oh, he's crazy.
He was a little dirty, a little uncomfortable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he's a true crazy person.
Bassals or something.
Remember bass salts?
Son.
Bassals.
Bassaults fell off.
Atlanta.
Bassa is like hot in the streets for like three summer.
Remember like three, four summers ago when like motherfuckers eating faces and shit?
100%.
124th Street was a fucking war zone.
Son, down south?
Florida?
Florida.
The point I'm trying to say is I had no clue why he chose me of all the people in the Apple store to say that I was fucking him in the ass.
And now that you guys have brought to light that my phone is gay, there's a chance he walked out of the bathroom, saw the gay phone, saw me, and then his biggest fear starts to manifest themselves.
Yeah.
Which would be me fucking him in his ass.
Yeah.
So y'all might be onto something.
I was agreeing with y'all.
All right.
Look, I'm not saying it's a great case.
Like, I didn't think it was kind of gay.
I think it's actually quite nice.
Gosh, that shit is rosé colored.
I like rose.
Is it a cream?
Nah, I don't like y'all talking about my phone.
I don't like y'all talking about my phone.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You're a grown-up.
No, It could survive.
I'm not.
I dropped my shit on broken.
Halloween Costumes and Rape00:08:03
Oh, shit.
I don't know.
You know, Rich Paul doesn't put cases on his phones.
Because he can afford a new phone.
Yeah.
I hate when rich people tell you about that shit.
Since people don't, you don't believe in yourself.
So you believe you could buy another phone, Dick.
I wish that for you.
You didn't even believe in yourself, Rich Paul.
You can believe in LeBron.
Chuck out of here.
You got LeBron believing in you, then you can believe in yourself.
Yo, that is so true.
Ain't that annoying when motherfuckers who ride coattails give you advice?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, literally, I don't need to hear Rich Paul or Maverick Carter tell me anything.
What is the key to success?
Hard work, dedication, be LeBron's friend.
Be LeBron's friend.
And then everything else after that.
What about all the other people that are friends with superstar athletes?
What about them?
They suck.
They're not nearly as accomplished.
Rich Paul costs AD $80 million to get him on the Lakers.
How do I know this guy's a fucking genius?
I mean, he did get in the cover at 2K, which I'm assuming made up for a lot of that money they might have lost in New Orleans.
80 million?
Yeah, and he's in Los Angeles now.
He's going to make that back like 20-fold.
Are you kidding me?
New Orleans?
Didn't New Orleans Los Angeles?
Like, I think he'll be all right.
Didn't Jordan's trainer make tons of money?
Tim Grover?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
So you saddle up with the greatest.
You're going to make some money.
What about like, okay, what about Tom Brady's guy, the trainer?
He's like in jail now, isn't he?
No, he's not.
He got a whole facility.
The TB12 dude.
He got a book out.
He got all the shit.
Gronk was doing it.
When did he get like banned from the fucking.
That's because Belichick don't like anybody having influence over the players besides him.
Okay.
All right.
Who's a great baseball player?
I don't know.
I don't watch this.
I'm saying it's not that easy just to latch on the coattails.
A lot of times they're allowed to do it.
It's not easy, but like a lot of times they leech and don't get anything back.
I mean, it's a nice, it's a nice, it's a nice slingshot.
Darius Miles people.
Yeah.
But I got a flagrant thought.
Okay, go.
We're in the sides that you hate veterans.
I didn't say that.
He was talking spicy.
This is like right now, this is like the greatest season for like sluts.
Like right this second.
Fall?
Fall.
I always thought it was summer.
Like, I always thought it was like spring.
For many reasons.
Okay.
One, pumpkin flavored shit.
Sluts love pumpkin.
Is that the slut thing?
I thought it was just a white girl.
No, It's a slut.
Suts are in a pumpkin.
Sluts love pumpkin.
Sluts love pumpkins.
Sluts love some pumpkin, though.
Interesting.
Halloween.
Can I be honest?
I love pumpkin.
Pumpkin's fantastic.
Pumpkins is incredible.
Honestly, and I say this.
I say it is knowing what I'm saying.
It's one of white people's greatest contributions.
Shout out to the history of the world.
And I know y'all did toilets.
You were nice with that shit.
That was a pretty good movie.
Some other shit I can't think of.
Polio vaccines, whatever the facts.
Vaccines, all modern medicine.
I put smallpox, smallpox up there.
Put smallpox up there.
I mean, I put pumpkin up there with all of them.
No, I put pumpkin up there with the vaccines.
I put it up there with the toilets.
That's right.
I'm not going to lie.
It's fucking fantastic.
And can I be honest with you?
You know how black people would be like, well, everybody likes watermelon.
Everyone likes chicken.
That's how we feel about pumpkins.
That's how you feel about pumpkins.
I can say that.
But you don't feel like it's a thing, though.
It's just like, oh, pumpkin's just delicious.
You feel stigmatized as a white guy at the pumpkins.
I feel stigmatized as a guy who's supposed to hate white people.
He's pumpkin.
And let me tell you, it's not even fantastic.
You know what pumpkin is?
Delightful.
It is delightful.
You know what?
It improves anything it's on.
Like I said, you have a salad and they're like, there's like a little piece of pumpkin in there or pumpkin seeds.
You're like, oh, that's a great chicken.
That's a salad.
It's not going to be the main course, but it's a great addition.
Like, I don't like condoms, but like, if they had a pumpkin spice costume or better pumpkin spice pussy, I'm like, yeah.
If your girl said, yo, I got some pumpkin spice pussy cream, rub it on her ass.
Real talk, why stop there?
Put that on a bunk hole.
I don't like some pumpkin spice bunk hole.
Yo, if you got your dog back from the veterinarian and that shit was pumpkin spice, like it just spelled like pumpkin the whole time.
What?
I'm going to eat his ass.
I didn't know you were going to go that far.
I thought you were just going to lay the way it smelled better.
Oh, yeah, okay.
You didn't have to go straight Asian about it, bro.
You think that's how Asians start eating dogs?
They're like, why dogs always sniffing back there?
What's so delicious about it?
Oh, my gosh.
Okay, so yeah.
Sluts, right?
So another reason why this is the season is because of Halloween, right?
Like, so I overheard a couple on the way over here talking about Halloween costumes, and they were like, oh, let's get this.
Let's get this outfit.
And it's like a tame little ketchup and mustard type of thing.
And she was like, oh, no, I can't.
It's not sexy enough.
And it's like, this is like somebody who you can tell they're in a long relationship.
They're doing like the fucking couple fucking costume type of thing type of shit.
She's like, oh, no, it's not slutty enough.
She just openly says it's not slutty enough.
In what other time?
Not summer, not spring, not winter, not fucking spring break, none of that shit.
Does somebody say, oh, I can't get that?
It's not slutty enough.
If you go in the summertime and it's spring, and they got bikini and it's like, oh, I'm wearing a bikini because, you know, I got a tan and like the tan lines.
There's always little caveats to like, me for the sluttery.
I'm breaking up.
For Halloween, it's just like, yo, you are allowed to be a slut.
It's not your girl.
She got to go.
Oh, no, you guys don't want to go.
That guy got to break up with that girl.
You're going to be ketchup.
We're going to be chocolate.
Like, me and my girl was going through like outfits like for fucking Halloween and shit.
I was going to ask if you guys are going to do a couple costumes.
Oh, yeah, we're definitely doing a couple costumes.
And we're getting a dog costume too.
That's for sure.
You had life.
Y'all really became gay.
Y'all just got a little bit of a girl.
You ain't this really.
No, no.
I'm literally doing this to relate to y'all.
That's what I got this phone.
I got this phone so I could be like you.
That's what I said, bro.
You're just thinking of doing that.
It sounds to me like you butt fucked somebody before you bought it and then just decided to accept who you were.
I gave the tick.
Let's be honest.
I gave it.
I wouldn't want to take it.
And frankly, I got very good video quality of it with my new office.
If you don't really want to know, three angles.
It's a little too close.
Go to the further back.
0.5 distance.
Ultra-wide.
Shell talk.
That's where the bubble was.
I pulled out of that shit.
You and your girl don't have a really good break.
I never let him rape him in a bathroom.
And he came out.
He was like, You rape me.
And I was like, This guy got to be crazy.
Like, we're going to rape someone in an Apple store back.
That's like Great Alibi at all.
Talking about it.
Babe, babe, babe.
This guy's nuts.
Apple phone guy.
She definitely looks at you sideways.
She definitely looks at you sideways for like five minutes.
Like, wouldn't it be funny if there's a Ted Bundy dude rapist?
She has a raping dude.
You could rape any dude and straight up be like, I'm a rape.
Really?
Like, really, y'all?
Like, that's enough.
That's like the Walter White shit for Breaking Bad.
It's like, oh, you got me.
It's like, yeah, yeah, I'm a little bit more.
I'm raping Matt.
All you need to do is walk to your port and say, yeah, I'll rap.
And all your boys be like, yeah, he's tripping, bro.
You're raping Matt, bro.
Y'all punking on that one.
You get at least one.
After two, after more than one, it's like, yo, that's a little weird.
Somebody raping people, man.
Hey, people crazy.
Oh, yeah, bro.
I don't know.
It was New York City, man.
Y'all decided to move here.
You knew how crazy everybody was.
Yo, a homeless dude rapist.
You can fuck everybody.
Real fucking talk, dog.
No, you could, if you really, I mean, this is horrible.
If like homeless people was your thing, if you were to rape, if you really wanted to wait, you could rape homeless people and they would say that you did it, and then nobody would believe him.
Kaz, you only flinching because we're not.
Here's what you everybody understand before you get offended.
We're not talking about women.
We're raping dudes, so it's funny.
White Women and Rapists00:11:20
So it's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess.
There's no such thing as homeless women.
Just lazy bitches.
Yeah.
When y'all or girls don't want to sell that?
Listen.
That's really what it is.
That's all good ass.
Like, anytime I see a homeless woman, I'm like, you're not trying hard enough.
No, she's not.
A homeless white woman.
I'm like, she's too proud.
All right.
You just need to just.
Because you know, every one of those homeless dudes would have sold dick to get out of homelessness.
Oh, listen.
50 cents at the best.
What do you say?
God, what was the line?
He's like, I'll go butt ass if my record is.
He said, if I'm going to butt ass before my records don't sell or some shit like that.
Meaning.
He's like, yo, if I'm about to get broke and I got to sell some dick to not be broke, I'm going to sell some dick.
Wow.
I would sell dick.
You wouldn't?
Our house, you dead broke on your last cent.
Who would buy it?
That's my question.
But you don't know, bro.
You don't know what I'm saying.
No, no, no, they buy now.
I'll tell you something.
My dick is non-refundable.
You disappointed.
You just disappointed.
That's what that is.
The value of dick is just so low.
Yeah.
Like, pussies.
Dick is like underwear.
This is a final purchase.
You know what I mean?
It's like no return.
Underwear, realize you ate them and give it back.
And it's like, you have to do it.
People will take any pussy.
No, it's yours now.
It's like, how is this pussy?
Yeah, yeah.
We'll praise that.
We'll take it.
It's worth a couple thousand dollars.
All right.
Fuck it.
Bring it on.
All right.
So, pumpkins.
So you hate pumpkins.
And Akash, what is your flavor?
I don't think I hate pumpkins.
I think it's slutty.
I hate pumpkins and veterans.
How is he flavoring taking a pumpkins?
I said, nah, sluts.
Yeah.
Yeah, but y'all never.
Sluts embrace the fall like no other season.
Let me ask you a serious question.
Have you ever made a jack-o'-lantern?
No.
No, I haven't.
No, I mean, I did once I was really, really little.
It was like a small ass pumpkin.
It was like arts and crafts class.
You got to get a legit pumpkin and then you got to cut the mouth part out and then fuck you.
Get that pulp.
You got to fuck that pumpkin pulp, bro.
Pumpkin is really the gift that keeps on giving.
White people really like pumpkins.
I don't like pumpkin that much.
You can't fuck fried chicken.
You can fuck a chicken.
You could, if it's a whole chicken.
Yo, real talk about it.
Yo, that rotissime.
From Costco?
Real talk.
Thrust.
What is the thrust?
You got a thrust in the chicken trying to come out through the top.
Yo, you got a walk in the veterinarian doctor, whatever they are office with the dick inside the chicken coming out the top and be like, yo, can y'all fix my chicken?
I don't know.
Something happened to my chicken.
Y'all think you can fix this?
You know what?
They're going to say, yeah, give us five minutes.
We're going to do it because it's a greedy piece of shit.
God damn.
And we're going to take your money.
Chicken's alive.
There you go.
Chicken's alive with the feathers back on it.
Like, yeah, we fixed the chicken.
All right, go.
I got you a flagrant thought of the week.
I don't know, man.
I just want to know if there's one thing in wedding planning that's worth it.
I just want to know if one part of a wedding isn't fucking me in my ass financially.
That's what I want to know.
Why are y'all going to London?
For you, man.
We had already planned this before I proposed.
We already brought them tickets.
Yeah.
So you know what the wedding's not for you.
I'm going to try to perform out there, though.
I'm trying to work on my boy Travis J. If I get anything, I'll let everybody know.
You're back Sunday, you said?
Sunday.
Right.
But you know, the wedding's not for you.
It's the big flaws.
It's not for anybody.
I mean, for your girl.
I mean, no, it's for the fucking photographer to overcharge me and whatever the fuck, the DJ to over every price.
I look at him to be like, who the fuck do you think you are?
Who the fuck do you think you are to think you're worth thousands of dollars for one day?
Why don't you?
They're trying to take advantage of you because they know this is such a special day for you.
Because they know you're already broken.
Because you're already broken.
You already got down to one either.
Wild horse.
Yeah.
And then you're just like, yeah, whatever.
Money, who cares?
You're like a housebroken man.
Like, you just have shame.
Why are you paying a photographer?
A photographer was popularized before everybody brought their phone to an event.
Yeah.
You just are going to get tagged and everybody.
Try explaining this to any woman on earth.
Yo, y'all need to stop explaining.
If you explain, you losing.
Tom Brady.
You know what I'm saying?
Very true.
The goat.
That's TB12.
Yo, TB12 method.
That's the TB12 method.
Real talk.
If you explain it, you're losing.
Yo, we're not getting a photographer.
Yeah.
But you got to explain it on some like emotional shit.
It's like, we're not getting photographer because I want people to savor the moments.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I don't want us to live through pictures.
I want us to live through life.
You got to hit them with that shit.
And then when they say, yo, shut the fuck up.
Ain't nobody ask you.
Ain't nobody ask you.
That's why you gave the dog diarrhea.
Start blaming random shit.
Real talk.
No photographer.
No food.
You don't need food.
He needs food.
Why do you need food?
He needs food.
Just cut the dinner out.
Motherfuckers are coming at a party, bro.
This is also an Indian wedding, so it's like three weddings.
It's like at least two weddings.
They have an engagement the day before.
Oh, dude, stop this, bro.
Then you got the wedding.
Why don't you marry a white girl?
They could spell now.
Real talk.
What do you see your time for, bro?
He's like, white bitches out here spelling, bro.
White bitches out here spelling, bro.
Listen, they fuck with pumpkin.
That's a spice.
Yeah.
Let me get real talk.
Gotcha there.
White girls crying right now, son.
They know how to yoga.
I don't see any reason why you shouldn't get a white girl.
I just mean white women are kind of diet Indians.
Sort of.
No.
You say diet Indians are devil Indians.
Diets.
Diets.
Diet Indians.
White girls diet.
Yoga.
The spice.
Can you at least try to hook me up with like human beings?
Like, come on.
Oh, my God.
Not hurt.
That hurt me.
Monsters.
Jesus.
Sorry, mongrels.
Damn.
Not mongrels.
Y'all are getting after these horse leaders.
That's my women's, bro.
The level that I caught detests white women is like kind of admirable sometimes.
I really want to try to put a ceiling on how many are at the wedding.
Like, I'm trying to, I'm toying with the idea.
Andrew's girl.
And a girl, 100%.
My white friends, you got a white girl.
That's what's up.
That's about where I wanted to stop.
That's literally all my friends' girls.
He said it up.
He said it up.
He said it up, bro.
I'm sorry.
He said it.
I was like, why would you just invite random white women, though?
There's no like white female friends.
Like, if I got white female friends, they're like, can I get an invite?
I'm like, I don't know.
Listen about this.
I don't really know how you made it this far, to be honest.
Everybody, it's time to draw the line and say.
I'm starting to believe that, like, you might actually like white women so much you can't trust yourself around them.
Dogs protest protests.
I don't want no white women around me.
No white women are going to be invited.
We can't have this white girl around.
I'm going crazy.
I'm going crazy.
Hey, we got to tell ourselves.
I love pumpkin.
I love pumpkins so much.
I love veterinarians.
Hey look, pumpkin, small old dogs.
Small old dogs.
Listen, if it wasn't for this podcast, you'd be like a white woman hive, bro.
Like, you would attract a lot of them.
Like, if it wasn't for this podcast, bro.
The truth goes out.
Yo.
You are a white woman nectar, bro.
Hey, welcome to the team.
Don't hate what God provides.
Let me take that one.
I hate what God provides for us.
He's what?
No.
Whatever keeps these hoes away.
I'm fine with you.
Yo, I protest too much.
Real talk.
Let me tell you, how excited does this hat make you, bro?
That's where they're born and bred, bro.
A white bitch from our niece.
That's a white bitch.
That's a white.
Bro, dogs.
That's scarface cocaine level white.
Son.
I think we found it, bro.
I think I found it.
Yeah, definitely.
I think we found it.
Definitely.
It all makes sense.
It all makes sense, man.
I get it.
Listen, a white woman do love you.
That'd be in the comments.
Like, yo, he's back.
She's so good.
She's so cute.
Her hair is nice.
I can say that.
I got going through it right now.
They can put an out.
I got to go nuclear.
If I say the N-word of my eye, I'm just saying, I might just pull.
I might just push the button.
I might push a button in my relationship.
There's never going to be any fights.
Oh, God.
She was like, I'll do anything to get out of this conversation.
Fuck.
We good.
I wish I could sue that.
She's already going through, like, man, London gonna be rough.
I'm gonna pretend I'm jet lagged.
Every time she bring up a fight, I'm gonna pretend.