Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Alexx Got A Tesla
Aired: 2019-09-13
Duration: 06:40


=== The Penalty for Spitting (02:31) ===

[00:00:04]  What's the penalty for coming on somebody?
[00:00:07]  Bank.
[00:00:07]  Son of an issue.
[00:00:08]  I don't know what she's asking for.
[00:00:09]  That shit is mad gross, baby.
[00:00:11]  It's mad gross, but like rape?
[00:00:15]  Nah.
[00:00:17]  Nah, but that shit gotta be close.
[00:00:19]  You know what I mean?
[00:00:20]  It's gotta be close, babe.
[00:00:21]  You know the way he's sitting.
[00:00:22]  It's like, yeah, it's kind of gross, but...
[00:00:25]  Rape?
[00:00:26]  It's not rape, but it's gotta be.
[00:00:30]  Nah.
[00:00:31]  Come on.
[00:00:31]  You getting time for just a little bit of time.
[00:00:34]  How many times have you been in a room?
[00:00:35]  You ain't getting time for a little cock.
[00:00:37]  I'm even like when birds poop.
[00:00:39]  Like, if bird poop hits me, that shit feels vulnerable.
[00:00:43]  I do feel violent.
[00:00:44]  It should be.
[00:00:44]  For doing all kinds of jackets.
[00:00:46]  I lock him up in an aquarium, make him gay.
[00:00:50]  That's what Rocky did to Melissandra or whatever that other bandwidth bitch.
[00:00:53]  I know Antonio Brown is quick, but goddamn.
[00:00:57]  How quick do you have to nut for you to not know somebody's about to nut on your back?
[00:01:01]  That's how I go to the same fucking room.
[00:01:03]  Like, I know the motherfucker is fast, but goddamn.
[00:01:06]  What's the penalty for that?
[00:01:08]  Yo, what part of the sermon do you think he came at?
[00:01:10]  Do you think he was holding?
[00:01:12]  You think he was just slow beating it, waiting for the right moment?
[00:01:16]  Yo, when people are catching the Holy Ghost, he caught his.
[00:01:20]  She caught his.
[00:01:23]  Because when they were receiving communion, it's like, and here is my body.
[00:01:26]  Yeah.
[00:01:28]  You think jail time?
[00:01:29]  Probably Hail Mary.
[00:01:31]  It's like, Hail Mary.
[00:01:33]  If we don't talk, it's like it's just so gross to me.
[00:01:37]  It's not even the sexual thing of it.
[00:01:39]  It's gross.
[00:01:40]  It's gross.
[00:01:41]  You shouldn't be able to spit on somebody.
[00:01:42]  Yeah.
[00:01:43]  Yeah.
[00:01:44]  That's gross, bro.
[00:01:45]  Like, spitting, you could go, you could, you could, don't go to jail for spitting on someone like that.
[00:01:48]  That's my point.
[00:01:49]  Yo, I think that spitting on someone should be no different than punching them.
[00:01:53]  Like, if you can go to jail for punching someone, then you can go to jail for spit.
[00:01:56]  That's at least gross, baby.
[00:01:58]  You're at least intentionally spitting.
[00:02:00]  Not like we're yelling at each other and spit comes out, but like a...
[00:02:04]  Yeah, so then where's the fine line?
[00:02:05]  Somebody's going to be like, oh, he was talking hard and he spit on purpose or some shit like that.
[00:02:09]  That's the law.
[00:02:11]  You could probably do it.
[00:02:12]  Say what?
[00:02:12]  Could you spit on a cop?
[00:02:14]  Nah.
[00:02:14]  Exactly.
[00:02:15]  There it is.
[00:02:16]  You probably shouldn't be able to spit on a person.
[00:02:18]  It depends who you ask.
[00:02:21]  I don't know.
[00:02:23]  They're paying their way out of spitting on a cop.
[00:02:24]  Yo, but you know what's so crazy is that like you would think they'll just pay their way out of nothing on the back too.
[00:02:30]  Yeah, you can.
[00:02:31]  But like with spit, it's like it's not only with spit, it's just like almost everything physical.

=== Rules of the Wet Bed (04:05) ===

[00:02:35]  Like the more wrong it is to do to a person in life, the hotter it is to do to a woman in bed.
[00:02:42]  Like you can't spit on a stranger, but like if you see a girl's asshole and you don't immediately spit on it, something's wrong with that.
[00:02:51]  But by that logic, what did AB do that's so bad?
[00:02:54]  Ain't that like quite the turn off?
[00:02:56]  Right.
[00:02:57]  They in bed.
[00:02:58]  By your ass.
[00:02:59]  No, no, no.
[00:02:59]  I don't think they're in bed.
[00:03:00]  The way I imagine she was on the couch just watching a sermon and he like crept up behind her.
[00:03:05]  I imagine they're both in bed.
[00:03:06]  She like this, got her feet kicked up, you know, ankles crossed.
[00:03:09]  Oh, no.
[00:03:10]  Yeah, I thought it was his scenario.
[00:03:11]  Like, she's just watching TV and he just like surprised.
[00:03:14]  No, if you're in bed, you get cumbed on.
[00:03:16]  That's part of the bet.
[00:03:17]  Yeah.
[00:03:17]  That's part of the bet.
[00:03:18]  That's part of the bet.
[00:03:19]  That's part of the rules of bed.
[00:03:20]  Anything that happens between that like eight by eight.
[00:03:22]  Yo, that's the UFC ring.
[00:03:25]  That's the ring.
[00:03:26]  Everything's legal.
[00:03:27]  Everything's legal.
[00:03:28]  Except no knees while you're on the ground.
[00:03:30]  It's literally almost everything's legal.
[00:03:31]  Like if you were in the bed, you didn't get cumbed on.
[00:03:34]  Let's be honest.
[00:03:35]  Like you're already in my house.
[00:03:36]  Like I should be able to show you my dick in my house that 100% believe that.
[00:03:40]  100% agreed, right?
[00:03:41]  It's my house, my dick.
[00:03:43]  My house, my rules, right?
[00:03:45]  All right.
[00:03:45]  A week ago, you was on my bet.
[00:03:47]  Hey.
[00:03:47]  You could have.
[00:03:49]  Yeah.
[00:03:50]  Honestly.
[00:03:51]  Honestly, you had the right to come on me if you wanted, bro.
[00:03:55]  I couldn't have really put it this way.
[00:04:12]  I'm in his bed.
[00:04:12]  What am I doing in his bed if I'm not trying to get a cum to myself?
[00:04:15]  Real talk.
[00:04:16]  Who am I to say you can't come on your own bed?
[00:04:18]  Like, let's say this.
[00:04:19]  Let's say I'm in your bed, right?
[00:04:22]  Let's say I'm in your bed and then you had a wet dream and you bust off on me a little bit without even knowing.
[00:04:29]  That's my fault.
[00:04:30]  Your fault.
[00:04:31]  That's my fault.
[00:04:31]  That is your fault.
[00:04:32]  I'm through a lot of fire.
[00:04:33]  That's your fault.
[00:04:34]  Why are you not wearing pants in bed?
[00:04:36]  Is my question for you?
[00:04:37]  Sometimes you get in the middle of a wet dream, pull your dick out.
[00:04:43]  You never had a wet dream where you pull your dick out.
[00:04:46]  And then you start beating off in your dream.
[00:04:51]  Y'all never did that?
[00:04:52]  I've never had a wet dream.
[00:04:53]  Yeah, you wet sleep jerk.
[00:04:55]  You never had a wet sleep jerk?
[00:04:57]  Son, I never had a wet dream.
[00:04:58]  Me neither.
[00:04:58]  You never had a wet dream?
[00:04:59]  Nah, ever.
[00:05:00]  Oh, I be having wet dreams every once in a while.
[00:05:02]  You start to get pent up.
[00:05:04]  Nah, because I got a shorty, but when I don't have a shorty and if I'm not fucking, like, I'll get pent up because I don't jerk off.
[00:05:09]  You only get wet dreams when you don't jerk off.
[00:05:11]  Ah, I can see that.
[00:05:12]  So it's like cup runneth over.
[00:05:13]  Yeah, cup runneth over.
[00:05:16]  So busting off in a wet dream, bro.
[00:05:18]  That shit is lit.
[00:05:20]  That shit is a lit, bro.
[00:05:22]  That isn't like...
[00:05:23]  Then you wake up and you're like, why not fuck her?
[00:05:26]  Because it's not always the best looking bitch that you dream to.
[00:05:29]  You can't control your dream.
[00:05:31]  So like sometimes, like, I've pre-cumbered in my wet dreams before.
[00:05:34]  That's embarrassing.
[00:05:36]  That's seriously.
[00:05:37]  Yeah, it's like how you let yourself down.
[00:05:41]  Like, I almost fucked up.
[00:05:44]  Right?
[00:05:44]  I almost fucked Christina Aguilera.
[00:05:46]  And I was like, damn, did I just buzz in my pants before I fuck Christina Aguilera?
[00:05:51]  I'm scared at you with disappointment last year.
[00:05:53]  And it was back when dirty, dirty, hand off my body.
[00:05:57]  Man, that was good.
[00:05:58]  AB should just say he was sleepwalking.
[00:06:00]  Son, I wish I knew that's it.
[00:06:02]  First of all, she's in my house.
[00:06:04]  Yeah, sleepwalking.
[00:06:05]  I'm sleepwalking.
[00:06:06]  I'm a God-fearing man.
[00:06:07]  You know how much I love God?
[00:06:09]  This girl was watching sermons while I was asleep, so I had to give her some sermons.
[00:06:16]  Some pre-sermons.
[00:06:17]  I had to give her some pre-sermons, son.
[00:06:26]  Yo, what's up?
[00:06:27]  This is Akash.
[00:06:28]  That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
[00:06:30]  If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrant2.
[00:06:35]  Join the illest community on earth unless you're a social justice warrior.
[00:06:39]  Then you're just going to ruin the fun.